#but lexi lives in my brain rent free

[shitty-mh-aus]

au where alex is a trans woman except that it's not an au because,, look at her it's literally canon /silly

.

[niaking]

My books are on sale for pride season. Usually $20 each, you can get all three volumes of Queer & Trans Artists of Color for only $50 (and free shipping) until the end of June. These books include interviews with Janet Mock, Julio Salgado, Vivek Shraya and more! Get the discount here. Full listing of interviewees below the break.

VOLUME ONE (2014) ​CO-EDITED BY TERRA MIKALSON & JESSICA GLENNON-ZUKOFF

Mixed-race queer art activist Nia King left a full-time job in an effort to center her life around making art. Grappling with questions of purpose, survival, and compromise, she started a podcast called We Want the Airwaves in order to pick the brains of fellow queer and trans artists of color about their work, their lives, and “making it” - both in terms of success and in terms of survival.

In this collection of interviews, Nia discusses fat burlesque with MAGNOLIAH BLACK, queer fashion with KIAM MARCELO JUNIO, interning at Playboy with JANET MOCK, dating gay Latino Republicans with JULIO SALGADO, intellectual hazing with KORTNEY RYAN ZIEGLER, gay gentrification with VAN BINFA, getting a book deal with VIRGIE TOVAR, the politics of black drag with MICIA MOSELY, evading deportation with YOSIMAR REYES, weird science with RYKA AOKI, gay public sex in Africa with NICK MWALUKO, thin privilege with FABIAN ROMERO, the tyranny of “self-care” with LOVEMME CORAZÓN, “selling out” with MISS PERSIA and DADDIE$ PLA$TIK, the self-employed art-activist hustle with LEAH LAKSHMI PIEPZNA-SAMARASINHA, and much, much more. Buy book one here.

VOLUME TWO (2016) ​CO-EDITED BY ELENA ROSE

Building on the groundbreaking first volume, Queer and Trans Artists of Color: Stories of Some of Our Lives, Nia King is back with a second archive of interviews from her podcast We Want the Airwaves. She maintains her signature frankness as an interviewer while seeking advice on surviving capitalism from creative folks who often find their labor devalued.

In this collection of interviews, Nia discusses biphobia in gay men’s communities with JUBA KALAMKA, helping border-crossers find water in the desert with MICHA CÁRDENAS, trying to preserve Indigenous languages through painting with GRACE ROSARIO PERKINS, revolutionary monster stories with ELENA ROSE, using textiles to protest police violence with INDIRA ALLEGRA, trying to respectfully reclaim one’s own culture with AMIR RABIYAH, taking on punk racism with MIMI THI NGUYEN, the imminent trans women of color world takeover with LEXI ADSIT, queer life in WWII Japanese American incarceration camps with TINA TAKEMOTO, hip-hop and Black Nationalism with AJUAN MANCE, making music in exile with MARTÍN SORRONDEGUY, issue-based versus identity-based organizing with TRISH SALAH, ten years of curating and touring with the QTPOC arts organization Mangos With Chili with CHERRY GALETTE, raising awareness about gentrification through games with MATTIE BRICE, self-publishing versus working with a small press with VIVEK SHREYA, and the colonial nature of journalism school with KILEY MAY. The conversation continues. Buy book two here.

VOLUME THREE (2019) ​CO-EDITED BY MALIHA AHMED

Is it possible to make art and make rent without compromising your values? Nia King set out to answer this question when she started We Want the Airwaves podcast in 2013. In her Queer & Trans Artists of Color book series, Nia collects podcast interviews — with Black, Latinx, Asian, Middle Eastern and Indigenous LGBTQ writers, musicians and visual artists — which feature both incredible storytelling and practical advice.

In the latest installment of the Queer & Trans Artists of Color series, Nia discusses performing at the White House with VENUS SELENITE, the global nature of colorism with KAMAL AL-SOLAYLEE, writing for Marvel Comics with GABBY RIVERA, using lies to tell unspeakable truths with KAI CHENG THOM, Black mental health with ANTHONY J. WILLIAMS, curating diverse anthologies with JOAMETTE GIL, growing up trans in rural Idaho with MEY RUDE, covering crime as a baby-faced reporter with SAM LEVIN, feminist approaches to journalism with SARAH LUBY BURKE, documenting Black punk history with OSA ATOE, crossing color lines with QWO-LI DRISKILL, fat hairy brown goddesses with PARADISE KHANMALEK, the usefulness of anger with JIA QING WILSON-YANG, transitioning as death and rebirth with ARIELLE TWIST, surviving homelessness and touring the world with STAR AMERASU and much, much more. Buy book three here.

[lexinoctura]

RE: WIP Game

At first glance, "Chapter 40" sounds the most mysterious and I'd like to know more if I didn't know what it is but I know what it is so I don't want to know what "Chapter 40" is.

I also know what "The 100 – Bellarke – No Happy Ending, for it’s just beginning!" because I think you sent it to me for feedback a while ago.

And I don't really know much about the others so... Tell me what "Me and myself" is, please.

okay, first off: you are so German, listing all the things you don't wanna know about, I think I rub off on you :P

second, to your question:

'Me and Myself' is a little original I'm working on (or, you know… trying to) where i try to explain the relationship i have with my own brain, because apparently there are quite a few people in my surroundings that think that I am seriously mentally sick, just because I have a rather talkative head…

it looks a bit like this:

If you would need to have a description of her, you could picture Lexi as a house built from of my biggest fears, some stupid ideas as framing, the walls made out of fantasy bricks and glued together by self-harming paste and anger issues. The walls are painted in all colors, with the main target to have any two colors next to each other that are clashing the most. Self-worth and cutting? Definitely the living room! Hyperactive toddler and tired grandma? Heck, that looks great in the bedroom! The kitchen proudly wears the anger-and-peaceful wallpaper while the bathroom spots the happy-depressed combi. The floor is made of dumb comments and silly ideas, and the roof seals the whole stuff off with impulse-control. Well, it would seal it off, but the roof is nonexistent. Just like doors or windows. So, yeah, Lexi is like a house. A talking house. Living rent free in my head. Commenting one everything and anything that I do. Okay, that is a crappy analogy. Scratch that. But you get the gist of it, anyways. (Lexi just told me that she liked the analogy, because the thought of having a house inside my head looked fun.)

[wootzietoozee]

remembering that one ii theory post i saw ages ago on here that basically said "what if the battery suitcase stole in episode 8 is causing her hallucinations 🤔" and for some reason that made me go "🤔 hmmm. robocase au"

[flowerslut]

happy five year anniversary to the time I was stuck babysitting until four o’clock in the morning, found @goldeneyedgirl’s FF.net profile, and spent hours reading all of her twilight stories and falling utterly in love with her writing and her brain

this is literally a @goldeneyedgirl stan account 😭🤍

[wyn-n-tonic]

Daddy Dave Headcanons

figured i would finally write this. Forgive Me, Father won't be out for a while yet because i want y'all to read @danniburgh​'s Father Dave and let that marinate in your brains and live rent free in your heads because it deserves it.

also, the more i learn about the daddy kink, the more i think i have one (don't look at me) and who else better to project that shit onto than my favorite Suburban Murder Daddy, Dave York.

Dave is really into the daddy thing, actually.

But only in the caretaking aspect.

You have a panic attack or a headache? Dave York is pulling you close, kissing your forehead, and saying, "Oh, my baby, daddy's got you." 

Super tender sex, completely attuned to your body and your needs.

BIG aftercare guy,

Loves to draw you a bath and wash your back

Will slip a finger back inside you during the bath, "use your words like a good girl if you want daddy to stop."

If you want him to be mean to you though?

Don't call him daddy, he hates associating his caretaking with his mean side, he wants a clear separation like he has with work and home.

You want him to choke you? Spit in your mouth? Tie you to the bed?

He'll do it, he loves it, but you address him as David or Sir.

"You understand? You call me daddy and this stops, I will untie you, I will put you in that bath and we'll try again tomorrow. Use your words, princess." "Yes, sir." 

He loves to mock you and whine your answers back at you.

These are the times when he loves to make you cry, relishes in it. You know how to use your words, you would if you didn't like it too.

When you do use your words though, he switches like a light. Caretaking is his default and he will always go back to that.

But sometimes? Sometimes Dave wants you to be mean to him.

Watching a movie with him and you see a real alpha woman situation and you say, "God, I wish I could be like that."

"You can."

"Shut up, I could never."

You come home one day to new lingerie, it's different from the cutesy stuff you usually wear.

The note says, "maybe you can choke daddy tonight."

He doesn't make fun of you, he listens to your instruction intently.

He was in the military, he's good at taking orders and he knows that mocking your superior is how you get punished.

And while he thinks he may like that, you're just not ready to dole it out yet, so he respects this budding part of your relationship.

You have to use both of your small hands to wrap around his neck and even though you don't put a lot of power behind squeezing, he gets it.

He gets why you like this same pressure on your neck.

He likes not being in charge sometimes, it's nice. It takes his mind off things.

"Hit me." "What?" "Hit. Me." So you do and that's when he laughs at you, "Come on, princess, you can do better than that."

He loves watching your confidence grow like this, he loves conceding the power to you like this sometimes.

But what he loves more?

The aftercare you give him. He feels soft for you all the time but, goddamn it, he feels so soft in these moments where you curl around him and tell him what a good man he is. 

Somewhere in the aftercare, he switches back to daddy mode and aftercare for you, because he knows this takes a lot out of you too to be like this to him.

He gets in the bath with you and just... sits, pressing kisses to your hairline and telling you how good you did today. How proud he is of you. He calls you baby and sweet girl.

He loves this most of all, reconnecting and realigning your relationship dynamic with one another. Because it always comes back to this and he loves it.

TAG LIST: @justanotherblonde23​​ | @notcookiebelle​​ | @greeneyedblondie44​​ | @icanbeyourjedi​​ | @princess76179​ | @knivesareout​ | @phoenixpascal​​ | @lexi-b-writes | @empress-palpat1ne​​ | @mouthymandalorianalso​​ | @starlightmornings​​ | @soyelfuegoquearde​​ | @darnitdraco​ | @green-socks​​ | @the-feckless-wonder​ | @hnt-escape​​ | @sarahjkl82-blog | @klaine-92 | @sugarontherims​ | @anu-simps​ | @gracie7209​ | @leonieb​ | @wheresarizona​​ | @pascalslittlebrat​​ | @talesfromtheguild​ | @casualpalacebagelrascal | @pilothusband​​ | @wille-zarr​​ | @a-bang-for-your-bucky​ | @bdavishiddlesbatch 

[mercurywaters]

I have a request for the bachelor au... sometime later, fez is on some date he doesn't wanna be on and lexi is in the villa and kinda really sick (you choose the reason) and he hears this as the producers talk about bringing cameras there to film the 'drama' and he gets v worried and wants to end his date to go make sure she's OK? 🥺 is that too specific lol

Bachelor au fez is living rent free in my brain currently

hi!!! I love that you love bach fez as much as I do 😭 thank you for reading my story 🌹

I have good news for you! I’ve already written a scene that’s pretty similar to this for chapter 4. it’s not exactly the same, but I think you might like it ☺️

[juniaships]

Loonatics Reboot: Origins

The cousins of the world-famous Looney Tunes, the Loonatics are resident protectors of the progressive city-state, Acmetropolis. Currently there are seven members headed by their mysterious mentor, but for now let's dive in deeper into the origin story of the first six Loonatics. We'll get to number seven in the future! 💛💛💛

The story goes, the Loonatics came about by chance. You see, not too long ago six individuals volunteered for an experiment conducted by the city's namesake ACME (the business). As all of them needed the extra cash, they didn't mind being used as temporary guinea pigs if it meant having the funds to pursue their dreams or pay the rent.

Unfortunately the test did not produced the expected results and was marked off as a failure. While the group were paid they were disappointed & went back to their normal lives.

Until abnormalities started cropping up.

One volunteer, a college freshman named Lexi Bunny, began hearing things, increased migraines, and physically cringing at even moderately loud sounds. Such condition affected the way she moved and grooved to the beat (she was an avid dancer) and one day, she had passed out from the pressure and sent to the emergency room. While she recovered she began seeing everything in a pink haze. Lexi didn't know exactly caused her health emergency but she had a feeling that it had something to do with the experiment. But she kept quiet, she wasn't one to stand up for herself, remembering a horrid incident trying out for her school's cheer squad. She wondered what the other volunteers were feeling...

The second volunteer was an Acmewood stunt artist named Ace Bunny (yeah yeah he's related to Bugs now let him train in peace). Whenever Ace felt particularly confident, he saw his vision turn red...literally. His eyes burned no matter how much ice or eyedrops he used. During rehearsals he started to notice how every time someone went to strike him, he dodged them every. Single. Time. Many of the crew members lucky to see were impressed, shocked even (much to the displeasure of the lead actor) & leaving the Looney cousin embarrassed at the increased attention.

The fourth volunteer was a scientist named Tech E Coyote. Like Duck he also lost his job though unlike Duck he was on the receiving end of an angry coworker. The poor man was left to craft consolation contraptions in the solitude of his workshop. One night he noticed some pieces of metal clinging to his lab-coat. At first he brushed them off but they stuck to his hands. He made a note to himself to use anti-static softener; but after several wash days the problems persisted and very soon larger pieces of metal started clinging to his clothes, hands, all around his body - one incident he knocked himself out with a frying pan! He also took notes of lights flickering around him, computers and screens turning on and off whenever he walked near them.

The third volunteer was a young man barely out of his teen years simply known as Duck. Danger Duck. He worked as a pool boy ironically had a hot temper. To put it best he loathed his job, feeling not being taken seriously by the oh-so-macho lifeguards that picked on him constantly. One minute he was complaining about his job, and the next thing he knew, he was standing in the middle of a desert. Than back to the pool. Than an artic region! He also complained of tingling sensations in his fingers, as if he dumped his hands in a bowl of cut peppers. And after one particularly frustrating day, he got so made he raised his threw something at the lifeguard... something red-hot and round...which nearly costed the lifeguard his life yet ALSO caused Duck to lose his job.

Rev, a pizza delivery man with a sense of words and no sense of direction, was the onlt one whose problems weren't seen. Not at least externally. During his trips he was relieved to not miss addresses as much as he used to. Maybe a stroke of luck he guessed. But now it seems his brain was replaced by a GPS because days by he can verbally recite the location almost every place in Acmetropolis from the tallest skyscraper to the dingey of alleyways. Not even having to travel to these places.

As for Slam, his already phenomenal strength increased tenfold, and so did his speed. Such growth massively helped his wrestling career. Every time he spun however, he swore he felt and heard the crick-crackle-boom of lightning...which one day during a match he accidentally electrocuted his opponent, promptly suspended for the rest of the season. At least the guy was alive...a cooked steak but alive.

Eventually these side effects took their toll and the citizens finally had enough. Weeks after the test the group went back to Acme to report on what they were experiencing, hoping to get some compensation to pay off frequent trips to the hospital.

To their surprise ACME was pleased to hear the results of the experiment had been successful after all. The CEO, Otto Matthias, saw potential in the ragtag group of Tunes and offered them a deal: work for his company as sponsored superheroes. There was a mixed reaction: Tech was skeptical, as was Lexi and Slam. Ace didn't know what to think of the deal, he wanted to be recognized for his talents. Danger was the only one totally on board with the plan (no more finding lost trunks). Rev was also excited yet nervous at the prospect. Otto added that the offer came with free housing, access to any and all Acme products, and a lifetime supply of Scooby Snacks (much to Slam's fancy).

Duck didn't have to hear anymore before immediately agreeing to the deal. He did not want to go back to being a lowly pool boy or any other position to be laughed at and bullied, and saw the deal as a surefire way to success. The rest of the group & Scooby Snack Slam decided to wait a week before giving their answer. Acme signed Duck as Danger Duck, the Living Magma Extraordinaire! Cool name is it?

Throughout the week the remaining Tunes pondered long and hard about the company's offer. Would this deal really help them find meaning in their otherwise pitiful lives? Or was it all a glorified corporate tactic designed to keep them quiet? Danger Duck, Living Magma Extraordinaire seemed to be having a good time, so they might be missing out on a stable fulfilling lifestyle. Surely it wasn't an evil trick? Right? Right??

The answer to their dilemma showed uo at their door. Literally.

For five days, each person received a visit from a woman dressed in a simple lavender coat with the hood drawn up. From the shadows they could make out ruby-colored lips, yet her eyes seemed to lack irises as they were entirely blank-white.

This woman claimed that she was the creator of the drug and that is was not meant to be in mortal hands. She claimed that Acme stole her formula for personal gain, warning them the CEO was not who he seemed & that they shouldn't take his word. When the civilians asked about Danger Duck, the woman vowed she would do everything in her power to try to steer the young man from a terrible fate.

"How do you know I can trust you?" That was the sentiment shared by the five Tunes, in varying words.

The woman only smiled. "It's all up to you," she simply replied before handing out a shiny triangle with the familiar shield logo on it.

As each Tune took the metallic shape in their hands, they wondered how would this hunk ol metal help them decide their future? The lady's words echoed through their minds...maybe...the shield was a emblem of their roots. How did she know so much about them and so concerned about their lives?

By the morning of the last day, it was Ace who came to his decision first. "I'll believe you," he relented. "If only you'll tell me more about this drug you made."

The woman shook her head. "I'm afraid that'll have to come in a group meeting," she said a bit tersely. The truth is too much to bear on one man.

"Here." She scribbled a few words down on a piece of paper. "Meet me at this location later this afternoon. Don't bring anyone else."

"Okay," Ace said a bit skeptically. He was about to ask more but the lady quickly left with a hurried goodbye. Ace blinked his blue eyes before reading what she had wrote. "I hope this ain't gonna land me on a watchlist," he muttered before starting to prepare for his impromptu meeting. He prayed that he made the right choice.

I'm making this as I go along XD

My goal for this chapter and the next one is to give the team a better backstories and the why and HOW they got together. I know the show had an origin episode but it didn't show them their first mission or how they actually met, only how they got their powers. As this is a reboot there are a lot of changes so instead of being set in the future, it's set in modern era and they're cousins of the Looney Tunes. I'm also trying to give them motivations: Danger Duck seeking fame and fortune; Tech seeking recognition for his genius; Ace forging his own path out of his cousin's shadow. I haven't gotten to Slam & Lexi's motivations as much as that would be for when I get to writing Weathervane (who will be Lexi's foil) and Massive (Slam's foil). Rev's motivation will also be explored as him learning to be more independent away from his family's wealthy lifestyle. As for my OC Mikayla Jordan, she's going to appear in a future post pertaining to the Freleng Royal Family oop spoiled my own OC subplot XD

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Coffee and a Wedding (Chapter 8)

I am so sorry this is late. I’m a idiot and the long weekend threw off my mental calendar for some reason. On that note- if you see it’s a update day and my update is really late for a ongoing series. Like really late. Like over 12 hours late- feel free to drop me a line and make sure I know what day it is. You may just save @winterisakiller from having to see my brain finger filter fall apart and my message change mid sentence from something reasonable and on topic to “OH MY GOD IT’S TUESDAY”

@tnystrk-exe look how far I am in the tropetastic story! The end is near! (I totally keep forgetting to tag you for some weird ass reason)

On that note, I’m still raising funds for my trip to NYC next month- it’s my birthday trip so please excuse my shameless drop of the Ko-fi link.

Clint x ofc- the rest of the chapters are on my Masterlist

Chapter 8

I wasn’t entirety sure why Clint and I were required to attend the rehearsal but we were. It was probably mother’s doing. I’d managed to dodge her so far, the need to study made a good cover and I was thankful for it. With exams done and papers turned in, there was no way to get out of it.  

So I dawned a sundress and pulled my hair back in a braid. Clint slipped into a nice pair of jeans and a button down shirt that somehow fit him perfectly, as if it was made for him.  

“Dashing.” I laugh as I finally slip out of the bathroom and catch Clint twisting and turning in front of the large mirror on the dresser, fussing with his hair.

“You think?” The way he smiled at me- god he needs to stop doing that. It was like his whole face lit up and I gave him a shining gift or a cup of espresso or something. It was too easy to let myself believe he smiled that way because he valued my opinion.

“Yes-” There was knocking on the door before I could figure out a way to tell him he didn’t have to keep the act up all the time. Not when we were alone. “I’ll get it. Can’t have your hair less than perfect. Go back to fussing with your hair.”  

“You sure?” Clint asked, leaning forward and poking at his hair.  

Rolling my eyes, I made my way to the door. As soon as I opened the door, the act would be back on. Though if I’m honest, it felt like with Clint, he never stopped acting. It would be easier if he didn’t act the same regardless of if there were witnesses. If he would please stop acting like the perfect boyfriend all the time, that'd be great.

“Alexis!” Mom rushed through the door and wrapped me up in her arms before I even had the door opened all the way. “It’s been forever- you need to come home more often.”

“I can’t mom, classes and all that.” She pulled back from me and looked around with a ‘humph’. It was never a good sign when she made that sound.

“And is this the infamous Mr. Barton?” She let go of me and invited herself into the room. Clint looked over at where mom was storming her way through the space toward him, his eyes wide. Reaching out, he offered a hand as she came up to him with me trailing behind.  

“Clint, please. And who might you be? Another sister?” I rolled my eyes so hard that I almost tripped.

“Sister?” Mom laughed. “Oh, I know I look young- too young but I’m the mother of the bride.” Too young my ass.

“Oh well,” He took her hand in his and brought her knuckles to his lips in a perfect Disney prince kiss and mom about melted. “It’s a pleasure to meet she who raised such lovely girls.”

“You can just call me Mary. Or Mom- it’s never too soon to start calling me mom.”

“Mom.” I scolded and though I couldn’t see it, I’m damned sure she smiled even wider.  

“Well, maybe we’ll leave the ‘Mom’ title for Mathews to take up this week and we’ll see about that later, yeah?” He gave her a hundred watt smile and for a second I though about grabbing a vase and throwing it at him. How dare he have the never to be so charming.  

“That’s a nice watch, you’ve got.” Mom ran her fingers over the watch as I made my way to Clint’s side to better supervise.

“Yeah- It’s served me well.” He chuckled, running his fingertips over the face of the watch.

“I think Matt has a newer model- he was talking about it at breakfast this morning.”  

“I’m sure he was.” There was a hint of something in his voice that made me wonder exactly how much he didn’t like Matt. I felt bad, he kept having to spend time with such an offensive man. “I’ve got others- this one was a gift though so…”  

Mom followed him, helping herself to a seat at the small table. “You’re a sentimental man?”  

“I am.” He laughed as he pulled a chair out for me before sitting down himself. “I can’t help it.”  

“Were they all gifts?”  

“Mom!” I couldn’t believe her.  

I mean, she always had a desire to see her daughters marry up in the world. She herself had worked two jobs to raise us for over half of our childhood before she fell in love with and married a wealthy businessman. They were in love, sickeningly so, but still sometimes she had a bit of a materialistic view. She couldn’t help it and I never held it against her.

“No.” He laughed but his shoulders looked a little stiff. “Some I purchased myself over the years.”

“You manage well, being a small business owner?”  

“Well enough.” He laced his fingers through mine. “I manage the security servers for Stark industries on the side.”

“Oh, I see- so you work two jobs.” It wasn’t judgment in her voice but something else. Maybe a shadow of disappointment?  

“Hardly. It’s mostly automated but I’m on hand if something flags when Tony’s out of the building. It pays well enough. It gave me the free time and finances to open the cafe and pay my staff a living wage from the beginning.”

“Still, I’m sure it’s exhausting, being on call. I know, Lexie says you pay everyone really well for the job- maybe if you paid them more what the market-”

“I only work for Tony now because he’s a friend. He trusts me. I work for him because it’s a habit. It's easier for everyone if I keep doing it. I don’t need the money- the cafe makes enough to sustain itself, the employees wages and myself as is.” It looked like he was bragging but it also felt a bit like he was a bit defensive. From the moment he had met Matt, it seemed like every time I turned around someone was questioning Clint’s finances. People kept insinuating that he didn’t have money or that if he did, I was with him for it.

It was frustrating me. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair and honestly, he didn’t sign up for this in agreeing to be my fake boyfriend.  

~~~~~<3

“So,” Clint drew the word out as soon as the door shut behind mom.  

“I am so sorry. I- You didn’t-” Why was this so fucking complicated?

He waved his hand at me. “No, don’t- that’s whatever. Just- I never thought to ask how serious we are.”  

“What?”

“I mean- how serious do they think we are?”

“Casual-ish.” I answered, we were expected to meet everyone on the beach shortly and I still tried to avoid talking about the things I told my family about Clint before. It was weird and he thought it had nothing to do with him. All that he shared with my imaginary boyfriend before the invitation hit his hand was a name,  

Except that wasn’t true at all and I knew it. That made it all the worse.

“Mother dearest seems to hope for more.”

“Mother dearest needs to mind her own business,”

~~~~~<3

The rehearsal was boring. Mind numbingly boring. Mom told me again and again that it was a great honor to get to spend the day with the wedding party as they practiced walking down the aisle. It's walking. Don't trip. Wouldn't it be better to practice in the dress? Walking in a sundress and walking in a 20 pound gown are two different things. Even now, I'm not sure I buy it. But it was better to shut up, show up and smile.

I watched Matt spend far longer than needed debating how he should stand at the alter. He kept asking if the light was hitting his ‘good side’ while he twisted and turned. The more time we spent with him, the more I was starting to think he didn’t have a ‘good side’.

What Sarah saw in him was beyond me.  

Still, we sat and watched as bridesmaids made their way up and down the aisle. The little flower girl pretended to toss flowers here and there again and again. The groom’s mother kept having people redo things, changing how they walked, moved and stood to fit some perfect vision in her head.  

Yeah, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like the whole family.  

This went on for hours. When I dozed off, the look Matt’s father gave me could have killed weaker person. Clint took to squeezing my hand whenever I dozed, thankfully keeping me from being murdered by the Matthews family.  

Finally it was over. It felt like we had been sitting here forever. It really didn’t make me look forward to the actual wedding tomorrow, that’s for sure. Standing made my knees and back pop in a way that would have been more fitting for Clint. It wasn’t fair that his joints weren’t putting on a show. I was the young one, damnit.  

Mom made some speech but I honestly hadn’t been listening. Matt’s mother said some words that I also didn’t listen to and finally, we were free. At least I assume so, Clint pulled me toward the doors. Others worked their way outside and into their cars. The rehearsal dinner was to be held at the only Italian restaurant on the island. The whole party room was rented out and perfectly set up for us when we arrived. Sarah wrapped me in a warm hug before taking her seat at the what was set up as the head of a large round table.

Dinner went well enough and one glass of wine turned into two. Before I knew it, I needed a third to get through the boring dinner conversation and the food had only just arrived. Clint wasn’t far behind me in that regard.  

It was hard not to get caught up in my mind. Every time Matt moved, the light would reflect off some glitter still clinging to his scalp. Did Sarah know what had actually gone down a few nights ago? How much glitter did he have on him for there to still be some now? How could she stay with him if she did? How could he do that to her?  

“So, Clint-” Mom started, leaning far too close. She’d had a few glasses of wine herself as she nibbled at her salad. “Aren’t you worried about eventually supporting a family on a small business income?”  

“A family?” I choked at the words, my lasagna lodging itself in my throat as Clint leaned back, glass if whiskey in his hand.  

“I’ve made a point to live humbly but I’m not worried.” He answered shortly. I knew he was getting tired of this constant questioning of his means.  

“Oh- It’s very good to live within your means.” My step-father, Kurt agreed from where he sat next to Mom. He was always standoffish with us and honestly, I was surprised to see him join the conversation.  

“I can assure you, I live well below my means.” There was a sharpness in his voice that I couldn’t place. Yet his face looked relaxed when I looked toward him.  

Kurt laughed, waving his fork. There was a lack of animosity in Kurt’s side of the conversation, something completely different than when everyone else interacted with Clint and I.  

“That’s good to hear.” Kurt took a sip of his wine before continuing. “I’ve seen more than a few well established men end up bankrupt due to poor money handling and the fickle nature of markets.”

“So then, how much do you make?” Clint’s quickly relaxing posture tensed once again when Matt’s mother jumped into the conversation.

“I really would rather not-”  

“I can’t imagine a cafe makes much take home profits.” Matt’s father joined in. Mom was paying far too much attention to the current line of conversation.  

“If you must know- and I suspect you think you must- I take home six figures. I am more than comfortable.” Kurt’s eyebrow raised and there was a hint of a smile there as Clint seemed to struggle to resist the urge to jump down someone’s throat.  

“My Matt,” Mrs. Matthews patted her son’s shoulder. “He’s going to be putting Sarah through school. She’s going back for her Master’s and my Mattie is going to put her through. She’s such an amazing addition to the family. She’ll be great in business.”

“Karen!” Sarah scolded, leaning forward to playfully glare at her soon to be Mother-in-law. “I hadn’t told anyone yet!”

“And Matt is going to support you through this?” Mom asked, leaning again into the conversation.  

“Yeah, Mom,” Sarah laced her fingers with Matt’s and looked at him with pure adoration that made me want to vomit. She had to not know about last night. There was no way in hell she knew. “We were originally planning on waiting to tell anyone until after the wedding but… I’ll be quitting Barsols and going back in the fall full time.”

Part of me wanted to roll my eyes. Of course, her announcement was met with approval. Sure, the soon to be married sister can quit her job and go back to school and it’s great. If I put myself through school in the city it’s ‘not a good choice’ and a ‘waste of resources’.

Yeah, okay. You could say I’m a little bitter. Or even more than a little bitter. For a while, I ate and finished my glass of wine while ignoring the rest of the group as best I could. It was better I kept my mouth shut so I didn’t say something I would regret.

“So,” Mom started, eyeing me as a slice of cake was set in front of each of us. “If Alexis were to wish to quit her job, what would you think?”

“Me?” Clint asked, forkful of cake halfway to his mouth. “It would suck- she’s my best barista.”

It was an honest answer and I couldn’t fault him for it, he had a few glasses to drink and was starting to feel it. At least, I thought he was starting to feel it. His cheeks were pink tinged and he smiled easy and moaned deeply when he captured the bite of cake. It was a sinful sound and I hated him for it.  

“But she’d still be in school. She’d have expenses.” Mom was fishing and I was going to kill her for it.  

“That would be her problem. And if she decided to quit the cafe, I’d like to assume she had a plan in place to cover those expenses.” He seemed more interested in the cake than the conversation. I had to agree, the cake was far better.  

“But if she didn’t?”  

“Mom.” Sarah scolded.  

“You want to hear that I’d cover everything for her? All her expenses? Pay any tuition she needed paid? Be her knight in shining armor?” Clint was clearly getting short with her. “I wouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Matt asked. “Isn’t she worth it? Sarah is wroth it to me.” Yeah, well you’re getting married buddy. Clint’s just my fake boyfriend.  

“She is. I care for her deeply. I also respect her and she respects me. I’d expect that she wouldn’t put me in that position without discussing it with me before making the choice. And I don’t see any reason why she would quit that would leave her well being as my responsibility.”

“So you’d just let her starve?” Matt’s mother was outraged.  

“I didn’t say that. I will not allow any of those who have worked for me starve while they are doing everything they can to help themselves. Regardless of our relationship, I wouldn’t let her starve as long as she was working to help herself as well.”

The conversation died as it became clear Clint’s mood was turning foul. There wasn’t anything I could think to do or say that would make this better. All I could do was pray that we’d make it through the Wedding and get back to New York without Clint hating me.  

“Barton.” Kurtis stood and looked expectantly at Clint. “Walk with me, won’t you?”

“Sure thing.” I wished there was a way to tell him how sorry I was as he got up. I was honestly surprised when he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a bit, Babe. Don’t miss me too much.”

“Maybe we should go for a walk too?” Sarah asked as Clint disappeared through the doors.

“What?” Why now?

“I just- I feel like we haven’t really gotten to catch up since you got here.

I followed Sarah out the other set of doors. Our heels sank into the sand but she didn’t seem to mind. It was quite outside. Waves rolled across the sand in the distance. Tomorrow, she would be getting married on a stretch of beach like this.  

“About Matt.” I couldn’t take the silence any longer.  

“I know you don’t like him. And I get why- he and Clint seem to get along like oil and water.”

“I- did you see the glitter? Stripper dust? Do you really believe they just had a peaceful night in and played games last night?” I couldn’t take it anymore.  

“The glitter?”

“In his hair.” I picked at my nails. “There were strippers there. He hooked up with one.”

“And you know this from glitter?” Sarah’s voice was cold but it wasn’t ice directed at the man who she was to marry. It was directed at me. I opened my mouth, intending to tell her that Clint had pictures but she cut me off. “Look, if you don’t trust Clint, that’s your deal. He’s older so I get it. But he seems head over heels for you, so figure it out. Maybe if you were more affectionate with him you wouldn’t feel like he’s cheating on you.”

“I never said he was-”  

“No, you said there were probably strippers at the tame party because of glitter. And if you must know- Matt had glitter with him because I asked him to pick some up. He has glitter in his hair because we are children and ended up in a glitter war last night when he came home.”

“No Sarah-”

“Listen.” She turned to face me, grabbing my arms and giving me a firm shake to keep my attention. “If you love Clint, give him some affection. Mom’s not going to freak and Kurt will live. Kiss the man. Touch him. Stop pretending you’re at work or something and that the world will implode if someone sees you.”

“What?”

“You hardly seem like you’re together. Just- if you want to keep a man like that you’ve got to stop playing these games.”

“I’m not-”  

“Just stop hiding, okay?”  

“Okay.”

“Good girl. I love you Lexie. Clint and Kurt are coming. I’ll take Kurt and free Clint from mom’s grilling.”

“Thank you.” Sarah was a few feet away before I called for her. When she turned and looked at me, I forced a smile. If I can’t make her see, I could pray it was a one time event. “You’re getting married tomorrow!”

“I’m getting married tomorrow!” She squealed before running off, snagging Kurt and wishing Clint a good night in the process.  

~~~~~<3

Tag list: @theheartofpenelope, @bradfordbantams, @ruebx, @hufflepuff25, @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7, @theoneanna, @alexakeyloveloki, @toozmanykids, @j-u-s-t-4, @missaphrodite23, @winterisakiller, @bambamwolf87, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @xoxabs88xox, @queenoftheunderdark, @wegingerangelica, @myoxisbroken, @coyotesongwriting

[xornwaswrong-blog]

Bootlegs!

I would love to trade, but I can gift if you’re new to the bootleg world. I did not film any of these. Please don’t try to “trade” YouTube videos with me. Also, respect NFT dates. If I forgot to include one, please message me nicely and I’ll put it up. Feel free to ask whatever questions you need to ask. If you’re only interested in VOBs, please ask if I have VOBs of what you want, because I have them for a lot of the shows I have, but it’s easier for me to access my mp4s and I may forget.

Abbreviations I use: OBC = Original Broadway Cast OOBC = Original Off Broadway Cast OBRC = Original Broadway Revival Cast NFT = Not For Trade

3 Musketeers with Aaron Tveit

9 to 5 OBC

13 OBC

1776 (1997 Cast)

21 Chump Street

25th Annual Puntnam County Spelling Bee OBC

A Bronx Tale

A Christmas Story OBC

A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder OBC

Aida with Idina Menzel

A New Brain Original Cast

A New Brain Jonathan Groff

Annie Get Your Gun Bernadette Peters

Annie Get Your Gun Megan Hilty

Aladdin OBC

Altar Boyz

Annie OBRC

Anyone Can Whistle Patti Lupone, Michael Cerveris and Audra McDonald (Ravina production)

Anyone Can Whistle Donna Murphy, Raul Esparza and Sutton Foster (Encores Production)

Anything Goes with Stephanie J. Block

American Idiot Broadway

American Psycho OBC

Anastasia Hartford

Anastasia OBC (NFT until Nov. 1)

Avenue Q OBC

Bandstand OBC

Bare the Musical Off Broadway

Bat Boy Kerry Butler

Beauty and the Beast OBC

Blood Brothers 1989 Proshot

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson Broadway

Book of Mormon OBC

Book of Mormon Nic Rouleau Ben Platt

Book of Mormon London Gavin Creel

Book of Mormon Workshop

Bridges of Madison County OBC

Bright Star Closing Night

Bring It On OBC

Cabaret 1987 (Joel Grey)

Cabaret (Raul Esparza)

Cabaret (Emma Stone)

Cabaret 2014 OBRC

Camelot Richard Burton and Christine Ebersole

Carousel 1994 (Audra McDonald)

Carousel Live from Lincoln Center (Kelli O’Hara, Jessie Mueller)

Carousel (Steven Pasquale Laura Osnes)

Carrie (Off-Broadway)

Catch Me If You Can OBC

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Broadway

Chess in Concert

Chicago OBRC (Ann Reinking, Bebe Newirth)

The Color Purple OBC

The Color Purple OBRC

The Color Purple with Heather Headley

Come From Away OBC

Company in Washington DC (John Barrowman, Alice Ripley)

Company Raul Esparza Proshot

Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime OBC

Dear Evan Hansen OBC

Debbie Does Dallas Sherie Rene Scott

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels OBC

Dog Sees God OOBC

Dogfight OOBC

The Drowsy Chaperone with Bob Saget

Evita OBC (Patti Lupone)

Evita Tour (Raul Esparza)

End of the Rainbow with Tracie Bennet

Equus with Daniel Radcliffe

Falsettos OBC

Falsettos Mandy Patinkin

Falsettos OBRC (2 angles and the proshot rip)

The Frogs Nathan Lane

Fun Home OBC

Fun Home Tour Kate Schindle and Carly Gold

Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum (Nathan Lane revival)

Grey Gardens OBC

Groundhog Day OBC

Guys and Dolls 2009 Revival

Gypsy with Tyne Daly

Gypsy Bette Midler movie

Gypsy with Patti Lupone

Gypsy London proshot

Hair (Encores with Idina Menzel and Jesse Tyler Ferguson)

Hair Actors Benefit Concert (This cast is crazy awesome, PM me for details)

Hairspray OBC

Hairspray OBC conductor cam

Hairspray Aaron Tveit

Hairspray Andrew Rannells

Hairspray OLC

Hamilton OBC

Hamilton OCC

Hamilton Javier Munoz u/s

Hamilton Javier Munoz & Lexi Lawson u/s

Hamilton Act 1 Andrew Rannells

Hand to God (Jim Parsons and Sean Hayes)

Hands on a Hardbody

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

Heathers (understudy Heather Chandler and JD)

Heathers Full OC (bad angle, bad filming, only Act 1)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Off Broadway proshot, JCM

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Andrew Rannells

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Darren Criss

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Jason Cameron Mitchel (Crate Show)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Taye Diggs

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Lena Hall as Hedwig

Hello Dolly Bette Midler OBRC

Hello Dolly Donna Murphy (NFT until October)

Honeymoon In Vegas

How To Succeed… Daniel Radcliffe

If/Then Jackie Burns

In The Heights OBC

In The Heights Krysta Rodriguez

In The Heights London (a LOT of understudies, though. PM me for details)

Into The Woods 2002 OBC Off-Broadway

Into The Woods Regent’s Park

Into The Woods (Amy Adams, Donna Murphy)

Into the Woods (Heather Headley, Rob McClure)

InTransit Broadway

Jersey Boys with Andrew Rannells

Jesus Christ Superstar Arena Tour proshot

The King and I Donna Murphy

The King and I Kelli O’Hara

The King and I Marin Mazzie

Kinky Boots OBC

Kinky Boots Brendon Urie (starts at Sex is in the Heel)

Kiss Me Kate Rachel York proshot

La Cage aux Folles (both revivals)

Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill

The Last Five Years Norbert Leo Butz and Lauren Kennedy

The Last Five Years OOBC

The Last Five Years Betsy Wolfe Adam Kantor

The Last Five Years Katie Rose Clarke Adam Halpin

Legally Blonde OBC (proshot)

Les Miserables (Sutton Foster as Eponine)

Les Miserables (Drew Sarich as Valjean)

Les Miserables (Lea Salonga as Fantine)

Les Miserables (Kerry Ellis as Fantine)

Les Miserables 2011

Les Miserables Dallas

Les Miserables 2014 OBRC

Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert (proshot)

Lightning Thief Concert

Little Foxes (Laura Linney as Regina)

A Little Night Music Bernadette Peters

The Little Mermaid (Broadway, not out of town tryouts)

Little Shop of Horrors Florida Tryouts (Alice Ripley, Hunter Foster, Billy Porter)

Little Shop of Horrors OBC

Little Shop of Horrors Jake Gyllenhaal

Love Never Dies

Man of LaMancha (2002)

Matilda w/Lesli Margarita

Memphis OBC (proshot)

Merrily We Roll Along Raul Esparza

Merrily We Roll Along 2013

Miss Saigon Lea Salonga Will Chase

Miss Saigon London Revival (Proshot)

Miss Saigon London Revival (bootleg)

Miss Saigon Broadway Revival

The Music Man (Robert Sean Leonard and Rebecca Luker)

The Mystery of Edwin Drood (Revival Cast)

Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 OBC (two of them, one from December)

Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 Scott Sangland

Newsies OBC

Newsies Jeremy Jordan Kara Lindsay (proshot)

Next To Normal OOBC

Next To Normal OBC

Next To Normal OBC (Matinee, VOBs)

Next To Normal 2nd Broadway Preview

Next To Normal Alice Ripley, Jennifer Damiano, & Brian D'Arcy James’ Final Performance

Next To Normal Jessica Phillips & Kyle Dean Massey

On Your Feet OBC 10/17/15

Once OBC

Once with Arthur Darville

Once Upon A Mattress OBRC (Sarah Jessica Parker)

Pacific Overtures OBC (proshot)

Pajama Game Kelli O'Hara Harry Connick Jr.

Parade in Concert (Jeremy Jordan and Laura Benanti)

Parade 2009 LA Production

Passion Patti Lupone 2005 (Lincoln Center)

Pippin Toronto (proshot)

Pippin 2013 OBRC

Pippin with Kyle Dean Massey and Ciara Rene

Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary (proshot)

Phantom of the Opera Norm Lewis and Sierra Bogress

The Pirate Queen OBC

The Prom World Premiere

The Producers OBC

Priscilla Queen of the Desert

Ragtime OBC

Reefer Madness OOBC (Kristen Bell)

Rent OBC Opening Night

Rent 10th Anniversary Reunion Concert

Rent Closing Cast with Renee Elise Goldsberry (proshot)

Rent Hollywood Bowl

The Robber Bridegroom (Steven Pasquale)

Rocky OBC (Andy Karl)

Rocky Horror Show OBC (Daphne Rubin-Vega and Joan Jett) [yes, that Joan Jett]

Saved! (Aaron Tveit)

Scarlet Pimpernel

School of Rock OBC

Scotsboro Boys OBC

Secret Garden Concert

Seussical (Rosie O’Donnel)

Side Show OBC

Sister Act OBC

Shuffle Along OBC

Something Rotten OBC

Something Rotten Rob McClure

South Pacific Kelli O’Hara (bootleg)

SpongeBob Musical Chicago Tryout

Spring Awakening Krysta Rodriguez (PM me for details on the understudies)

Spring Awakening Deaf West

Streetcar Named Desire John C. Reilly and Natasha Richardson

Sunday in the Park with George OBRC (Jake Gyllenhaal & Annaleigh Ashford)

Sunset Boulevard 2017 (February 24th)

Sweeney Todd OBC

Sweeney Todd Angela Lansbury proshot

Sweeney Todd 2012 (Imelda Staunton Michael Ball)

Sweeney Todd Concert (Emma Thompson, Christian Borle)

Sweet Charity with Sutton Foster

tick… tick… BOOM OOBC

[title of show]

Thoroughly Modern Millie OBC

Twelfth Night (1998)

Urinetown OBC

Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike OBC

Violet OBRC (Sutton Foster)

Waitress OBC

Waitress Sara Barellies

War Paint OCC

War Paint Broadway previews

We Will Rock You (Kerry Ellis)

The Wedding Singer OBC

West Side Story with Karen Olivo OBRC

Wicked OBC previews

Wicked OBC but Taye Diggs is Fiyero

Wicked Kristin Chenoweth’s Last

Wicked Shoshana Bean, Jennifer Laura Thompson, and Joey McIntyre

Wicked Idina’s “Last performance” Joey McIntyre’s last performance (Shoshana Bean, Jennifer Laura Thompson, and Joey McIntyre)

Wicked Julia Murney Broadway

Wicked Victoria Matlock

Wicked Megan Hilty’s Last Broadway Show with Eden

Wicked Eden Espinosa’s Last Broadway Show

Wicked Eden Espinosa and Megan Hilty LA

Wicked Stephanie J. Block and Analeigh Ashford

Wicked Dee Roscoli

Wicked Willemijn Verkaik and Katie Rose Clarke

Wicked Mandy Gonzalez and Andy Karl

Wicked Lili Cooper and Kara Lindsay

Wicked Laurel Harris and Kara Lindsay

Wicked Kerry Ellis

Wicked Jackie Burns (no fly)

Wicked Jackie Burns 2010

Wicked Donna Vivino tour

Wicked Donna Vivino and Ali Mauzey

Wicked Rachel Tucker and Jonah Platt

Wicked Kara Lindsay and Jennifer DiNoia

The Wild Party Encores!

Wonderful Town Donna Murphy

Xanadu OBC

You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown Revival

I haven’t watched all of these yet, so I may have some cast details slightly wrong (understudies and the like). Please PM me for trading. Be sure to follow me.

Wants:

Avenue Q with Rob McClure

Any Carousel I don’t have

Evita with Eden Espinosa (ready to kill to get this)

Last Five Years with Samantha Barks (one of the only audio trades I will accept)

Any Last Five Years I don’t have

Les Mis in general

Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 w/ Oak and/or Ingrid Michaelson once the NFT date passes

Any Natasha Pierre…. I don’t have

Next to Normal Marin Mazzie

Any Rent that I don’t have (especially if it’s with Sherie Rene Scott)

She Loves Me in general (not the 2016 livestream)

Sunset Boulevard in general

Wicked with Susie Mathers

Wicked in general

And generally anything I don’t have

[lady-stardust7-blog]

The Oldest Game: Chapter 1

Summary: On his way home from work, Gold runs into a lady of the night called Lacey. He finds himself drawn to her, and soon realises that he can't stop thinking about the young woman on the street corner, and the web of secrets she has spun.

Warnings for drug use, physical assault and mentions to sexual abuse in later chapters.

[Chapter 2: Obsession]

[read it on Ao3]

Chapter One: Blissful Solitude

Gold was content. Sure, he didn’t have the conventional life that most people craved. He didn’t have a wife, children, or any pets. Nor was he a beloved member of the community – on the contrary, the residents of Storybrooke seemed to shrink under his gaze. No, Gold didn’t have those things, but he didn’t want them. He had the two things that kept him happy: solitude and complete control.

Today, like most days, had been a good day. He had spent the morning collecting rent, giving him an excuse to intimidate as many people as he wished. He had nearly even brought a tenant to tears when he threatened to raise their rent by 10%! He’d spent the afternoon in blissful seclusion from the world outside his pawn shop, tinkering with clocks and mechanical toys. He felt accomplished with his day’s work when he locked his shop up and began his walk home in the cold winters night.

Gold often left his car at home during the winter months, as the walks were always a lot quieter. His three-piece suit and heavy coat protected him from the chill, and he was free to listen to the sound of the abandoned streets. The whistling of the wind through the bare branches were enough to intimidate most, but Gold often found that these were the times he felt the most relaxed. There wasn’t a person in sight, only silhouettes of buildings and shadows of trees, leaving him free to feel like he was the only person in the world.

He thought about what he would do with the rest of his evening. When he arrived home, he would pour himself a glass of that thirty-year-old Campbeltown whiskey, put his feet up and have a nice, long game of chess against himself. He was mentally preparing himself for which move he’d open with this time when a voice pulled him back to the earth.

“Hey, sweetie. Wanna spend some time together?”

Gold stopped walking and turned around to place the location of the voice. He found it hidden in a small gap between two buildings by the corner of the road, coming from a small girl with wearing a short black skirt and a thin, lacey top, showing off her bra underneath. Her heels added to her height but she was still a few inches shorter than his own small stature. When he looked upon her face, she raised an eyebrow at him and attempted to send him what he presumed was a seductive smirk. He rolled his eyes.

“Dearie,” he sneered. “I didn’t earn the money to buy the street you’re standing on by squandering it on the petty primal urges that you’re offering.”

And with that, he continued his route home.

***

Once he stepped through his front door he allowed the warmth to embrace him, pulling him in from the cold air. He hung his coat up and took his shoes off, and went to his cabinet to pour himself that glass of whiskey he’d been looking forward to. He took a seat at his armchair and let his mind wander back to the intriguing girl on the street corner.

She was, truthfully, a very attractive woman. Although he dismissed her almost immediately, she must have noticed the way that his eyes ran hungrily over her body. That tiny excuse for a skirt left nothing to the imagination, and that wasn’t even touching upon that practically transparent top she was wearing…

There was an undeniable tightening in his pants betraying his earlier claim about petty primal urges. He closed his eyes and brought a hand to his bulge, rubbing himself lightly to ease some of the tension as he carried on his musings on her. Thinking of those shapely but bare legs caused him to suddenly think of the weather she was standing around in. She must be freezing. Not to mention how dangerous it must be out there for a young woman at night…

Gold contemplated his options. He could continue to touch himself until he came into his hand, then forget all about her and get to that game of chess he had currently planned the first six moves of in his head. Or, he could put down that barely touched glass of whiskey, go and pick up a woman standing in the freezing cold night and invite her back to his home, where she’d be safer, warmer, and a few dollars richer.

He promptly put down his whiskey and picked up his coat and keys, deciding that she would probably appreciate a warm car to rest her legs in rather than a ten-minute walk to his house. He put his keys in the ignition and blasted on the heating, taking a dew deep breaths to give himself a chance to change his mind. This was really happening. He reversed his car out of the driveway and made his way back to her, hoping to find her before somebody else did. He soon found her in the exact spot he saw her last, rubbing the tops of her arms with her hands in a desperate attempt to warm herself up. He pulled over and opened his window.

“Perhaps I was a little hasty,” he said. She looked up and saw him, her eyebrows raising in surprised amusement when she realised it was the same man who had looked down on her not even thirty minutes before. “Hop in, my place is a lot warmer.”

She made her way to the passenger side and took the seat next to him, swinging the door shut. Gold immediately took his coat off and passed it to her, insisting that she must be cold. She wrapped it around herself like a blanket, and he chose to ignore the smug expression on her face, instead beginning the journey home.

“Have you been out there all this time?” he asked.

“Yeah. Slow night. I guess everybody would rather be sat by their warm fireplaces than out on the prowl with their dick in hand.”

Gold winced a little at that, realising the group of people he was being associated with in his actions. It went back to being silent and Gold quickly realised how much slower the ride back seemed to be taking. He racked his brain for conversation topics but for the life of him couldn’t think of anything. What is there to talk about, when both parties are aware that the encounter is purely based around sex and money?

“What’s your name?” said Gold eventually, deciding that would be a good place to start.

“Lexi.”

Gold scoffed.

“Your real name, dearie.”

“What makes you think it’s fake?”

“Well, is it?”

“Alright. My name’s Lacey. Yours?”

“Gold.”

That was all that was said before they pulled up to Gold’s house, and they remained in silence on the walk to his front door. When he turned to gesture for her to come inside, Gold realised that Lacey was looking up in awe at the size of his house and he felt a surge of masculine pride. That didn’t help, however, with the fast thumping of his heart and the guilt already forming in the pit of his stomach.

It wasn’t until they were both in his lounge that the silence broke, with Gold offering her a whiskey. She accepted, looking around the room at all his objects as if every direction was calling her whilst he poured her a glass.

“You must really get around the world,” she said with admiration. Gold passed her the glass and picked up his own that he’d abandoned earlier. He stood next to her, looking at the object to which she was referring.

“Ah, yes. Well, it is my job to collect artefacts, and I wouldn’t be a good pawnbroker if that was limited to Maine. That there is a hand carved mask created by the Babongo tribe in Gabon, you see how it has a large mouth? That represents strength,” he informed her, wondering if she was actually interested or if it was all part of the act.

He and Lacey both put their drinks to their lips, and he took a sip. When he looked back to her he realised that she’d downed hers in one and put it back on the table.

“A fine whiskey should be appreciated, not rushed,” he pointed out.

“Hmm. And what else are you planning on appreciating tonight?” she asked, her tone turning seductive as she closed the gap between them and put her arms around his neck. Gold’s mind went blank and suddenly he found his mouth painfully dry. He pulled back, taking another swig and pacing around the room.

“So, um, whereabouts do you live? I haven’t seen you around before,” said Gold, avoiding her eye contact.

“I dunno, it changes a lot. Just around I guess. Why does it matter?” Lacey seemed strangely affronted by this, but if Gold noticed then he didn’t show it.

“So you don’t have a permanent residence anywhere?” he pushed. “Why not? Rent doesn’t have to be expensive. Particularly on the block you were stood in, in fact. I daresay I could even do you a cheap deal if you prove yourself a reliable tenant. Although I would question the stability of your income…” He knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. He looked up to see Lacey frowning at him and he cringed.

“You seem a little nervous,” she stated. “Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll help you relax.”

She made her way back over to him, pushing him back so that he was sat in his armchair. She took the glass of whiskey out of his hand, downing that too, and put it aside. She straddled his lap and he felt his muscles tense as she leaned closer to him, taking his earlobe between her lips.

“How, uh, long have you been in this business for?”

“Few years,” she muttered. “Who cares?”

The further this was going, the more uncomfortable Gold felt with going forward with it. Lacey pulled back so that they were looking at one another, one hand on the back of his neck and one hand on his shoulder. She moved forward, her lips moving towards his, and he quickly looked away, cutting her off before the kiss even began, and cleared his throat.

“Do your family live nearby?”

“No,” she said shortly. She slipped a hand up his shirt and he gasped, putting one of his hands over hers to hold it still.

“Is this something you can see yourself doing for the foreseeable future?”

Lacey pulled back and looked at Gold as if he were crazy.

“What’s with all the questions?” she asked. “Are you undercover or something?”

“No, I was just making conversation.”

Gold wished that he had stayed in with his hand and that unplayed game of chess, rather than with Lacey grinding against his lap like she was. Whilst he had looked at her with lust before, he felt nothing but guilt now at the prospect of paying this young and beautiful girl to pleasure him.

Lacey took both of his clenched hands from each arm of the chair and placed them on her hips. Gold thought about all of the other men that she must have done this with, all of the other men that she slept with that were disgusting old perverts. The one’s who paid her to act attracted to them, but who she must have been repulsed by. And what made him so different? She undid his belt, and was about to put her hand inside his trousers before –

“Will you stop that?” demanded Gold. He pushed her off his lap, and although it was only a gentle shove to get her off the arm chair, he regretted it immediately. She caught her balance and he looked up, seeing the fire in Lacey’s eyes as she hovered above him at his split-second moment of anger.

“What is wrong with you?” she said, angrily.

“Lacey, I-“

“Why did you even bring me back here if you’re not interested? Just so you can ask me questions about where I live and where my family are?” she shouted, and Gold found himself lost in confusion at the sudden change in mood. He stood up so that he was level with her and put out his hands to try and calm her down.

“You know, it’s illegal to have sex for money. I was paying for your time, we could just talk,” he said, somehow feeling like that would make the situation better. Lacey laughed humourlessly.

“Talking isn’t what I do.”

“Oh, but shagging strangers is?”

Gold hadn’t even processed his own words before they left his mouth, and suddenly he felt his cheek stinging. When he looked back up, he saw Lacey storming out of the room.

“Wait, Lacey,” he called, chasing after her. She didn’t turn around. “Lacey, let me pay you for coming back with me.” She stopped at that, but still didn’t turn around, as if she was torn. Gold took the opportunity to grab his wallet from his coat pocket, pulling $200 out fresh from the rent collections earlier that morning. She turned around and took the money, playing down the surprise that she felt at the large sum of cash.

And then she was gone.

Gold knew from the moment he had left to pick her up that the night would end with guilt and shame, but he didn’t think it would end like this.

[theliterateape]

Hope Idiotic | Part 24

By David Himmel

Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

To: thebergman79@hotmail.com From: kellerinvegas@hotmail.com<Chuck Keller> Subject: Re: Can You Go Home Again?

Louie, Louie, I’m sorry about Michelle. You gave it a good effort. To answer your question, though I think it was rhetorical or metaphorical, yes. Yes, you can come home again. You should come home again. You can have your place back to yourself if you don’t want to live with me, though I am partial to this place and I have missed you. Things are going well with Lexi. Maybe she’ll let me rent her couch or something.

 Yes. Come home. Neal misses you, too. You can pick right back up. You don’t need that city or that girl. I think I might even have a job for you.

✶ 

WHEN MOST PEOPLE TRAVEL TO LAS VEGAS, they spend a week drinking and gambling and trading venereal diseases with strangers. Maybe they take in a helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon. Lou’s week in Vegas was spent interviewing for a job and repairing his house, which had been haphazardly battered and bruised by his best friend and tenant, a recovering alcoholic.

Beyond the garage-door sensors being ripped off, the doorjamb between the kitchen and the garage had been split by Chuck kicking the door open when he returned home too drunk to use a key. The house alarm system had never been activated, but it chirped each time a door opened. When Chuck passed out with the sliding patio door open all night, the incessant chirping eventually woke him, and he tore the system’s keypad from the wall in a drunken rage, leaving it dangling by the wires. The downstairs toilet was cracked into two pieces. Chuck said it happened when he was trying to clean around it—that he must’ve leaned on it too much. But Lou knew it was really because Chuck was too drunk to know what was happening. He must have fallen into it, probably breaking it with his thick skull.

“I’m sorry about the broken house, man,” Chuck said to Lou as they unloaded supplies from Chuck’s car—the one he bought from the repo man for three hundred dollars.

“Not a big deal. But you’re paying for all of it, and you’re going to be my errand bitch until it’s all done. I’d take it out of your security deposit, but you never gave me one.”

“You never asked for one.”

“I should have.”

“I probably wouldn’t have had the money for it anyhow.”

“Valid point.”

For the first time in more than two years, things in Chuck Keller’s and Lou Bergman’s lives were quiet, calm and cool. If it weren’t for the home repairs, they wouldn’t have known what to do with themselves. Chuck went to work, while Lou interviewed for the communications specialist position at Metropolis Grande, Palm Gaming’s multiproperty project—the largest private development ever, which was currently under construction, collected vitamin D on the patio by the pool and puttered around the house making little repairs until his assistant returned at around six o’clock. He didn’t want anyone else knowing he was in town. He didn’t want to have to explain the Michelle thing or discuss the possibility of a move back. Avoidance was now how Lou managed and ultimately eliminated stress.

And on Saturday, he turned thirty years old. Lexi, Natalie and Stephen, and I came to the house for a small barbecue. Lexi had seen the mess Chuck had made of the place and was impressed by how good everything looked.

“Put the last nail into the doorjamb about three minutes before you guys came over,” Chuck said with pride.

“I put the last nail in,” Lou said. “Chuck doesn’t know how to use a hammer.”

We spent the afternoon laughing, eating and telling stories. Natalie made an angel food cake and served it with strawberries, homemade hot fudge and whipped cream—Lou’s favorite dessert.

“How did you know?” he asked her, as she cut him the first piece.

“You three talk about everything. All I had to do was ask Neal.”

“It’s strange, the amount of shit I can store and recall in this mangled brain,” I said.

Without saying anything about it directly, we strengthened the case that Lou needed to move back to Vegas.

By nine, our intimate birthday party was over, and we headed home. Lexi left with us and continued cooing over the baby as Natalie gently strapped him into the car. Chuck and Lou lounged in the plastic Adirondack chairs on the patio. Chuck drank an O’Doul’s beer; Lou nursed a glass of orange juice.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Chuck jumped up and ran back into the house. He returned a minute later with a gift bag. “Happy thirtieth, man.” Lou reached into the bag; he pulled out a bottle of scotch. “Sorry it’s not something nicer. It’s about all I could afford, but I know you drink it.”

“You shouldn’t be encouraging this. We’ve been doing so well with sobriety this week.”

“You’re welcome anyway. Besides, no one says that you had to stay sober. If anything, you should have an I.V. of that shit hooked up to your veins. A breakup, turning thirty. Red Letter Week for old Lou Bergman.”

 The cockroaches scurried about. Chuck smashed a few with his foot. A few more with an empty bottle.

 “I was too busy installing toilets.”

“Well, that’s done. Have a drink now.”

“Is it okay if I don’t?”

“Whatever man, it’s your birthday.”

“Let’s keep it here and save it for if I get the job and move back.”

“You’re gonna get the job. I already talked to Ling over in their HR department. She loved you. Said you were the best interview she may have ever had with anyone. Just gotta make it official, probably early next week. So, let me be the first to say, Congratulations, inaugural communication specialist for Metropolis Grande.”

“Thanks, buddy. I’m still not sure how this thing will work in this economy, but what do I know of business?”

They raised their beverages toward each other and took a drink. They sat quietly for a while, both of them staring up at the few dim stars they could see among the glow from the Strip. Lou broke the silence.

“Strange.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s not until I’m no longer with Michelle that a real job opportunity presents itself.”

“Yep.”

“I’ve hardly thought about her at all this week. I’m a little surprised that she hasn’t called, but don’t even really care.”

“Feel like a weight has been lifted from you, huh?”

“Yeah. Freedom. I finally understand why the Jewish people get so excited about being freed from bondage. It’s an amazing feeling.”

“Free of the accountability. Free from having to explain your moods.”

“Free from having to exhaust myself trying to act like everything is wonderful.”

“I think this is a good thing for you. Took a while to figure it out, but here you are. And I, for one, couldn’t be happier.”

“This feels good. I’m going back to where I was, but it feels more like a move forward.”

The cockroaches scurried about. Chuck smashed a few with his foot. A few more with an empty bottle.

“I don’t need her, right?” Lou asked. “I mean, everything I was—back when I was something—I did without her. All she did was hurt me. Even when she was being supportive, she’d remind me she was only supporting me because I needed to be supported. Like with money. God, I can’t even count the number of times she’d say, ‘I should be given sainthood for sticking by you through all this.’ Fucking bitch. She didn’t stick by me. She lorded over me.”

“You’ve got every right to be angry,” Chuck said. “But remember, you guys had good times, too. That’s why you stayed with her through all of it.”

“But I was so unhappy through most of it.”

“But you loved her. So there’s that.”

“I don’t think love matters, Chuck. It’s important, sure. But you can love someone with every fiber of your being, and if it doesn’t function, you’re fucked.”

“Like with Lexi.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love her. I mean I really love her. Everything about her. Even the shit I complain about, I love that stuff, too. Because she’s such a good person. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m actually uncomfortable with what a good person my girlfriend is. I feel out of place sometimes. The beer helps, but then, you know, it doesn’t.”

They both laughed knowingly. Lou picked up his shoe that he’d slid off earlier and slapped a roach dead with it.

“Besides, I miss Gina. I still want to be with her. When I think about marriage—which you know I don’t like doing—but when I do think about it, it’s easier for me to picture myself marrying Gina.”

“Come on. Really? Are you sure that’s not just because you can’t have her right now?”

“I thought that was it. But it’s deeper than that. Much deeper. An unfamiliar kind of deep.” He drank the last sip of his O’Doul’s “I’m gonna get another one. Want anything?”

“I’ll try one of those.”

Lou slaughtered maybe twenty or thirty more roaches while Chuck was inside. Let’s be clear: the patio wasn’t filled with roaches because the patio was filthy. Roaches roam the desert night the way mosquitoes swarm the nights of the midwest. Any man with his own pool in need of solace will do this. Another slap of the shoe, two more roaches dead, and Chuck was back. He was holding an envelope along with the two bottles.

“Check it out,” Lou said. “It’s like a roach holocaust out here.” Chuck handed him a bottle of the non-alcoholic O’Doul’s. He took a sip, looked at it and considered its taste. “Not bad.”

“Yeah. Tastes pretty much like beer.”

“Is it any cheaper?”

“Not really.”

“That’s bullshit. There’s no alcohol in here. It’s one less ingredient.”

“It’s the same as a twelve-pack of a regular cola costing the same as a twelve-pack of diet cola.”

“I think that’s bullshit, too.”

Chuck took his seat and handed Lou the envelope. “I wrote her a letter.”

“Who?”

“Gina.”

“This is it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m supposed to read it?”

“Yeah.”

It was a love letter. Two pages front and back. It was unlike anything Chuck had written before. To Lou, the letter didn’t even sound like Chuck. It sounded like a lovesick poet. These were words that had been living in the most absolute depths of Chuck’s soul for twenty-nine years. They were raw and honest, and they began to make Lou cry.

Chuck had moved across the patio to the other side of the pool. He was sitting on the edge with his legs dipped in the water. He was staring at Lou, watching his reactions from a safe distance. No one likes to read anything when the author is right over their shoulder. And Chuck didn’t want to be so close that Lou felt he had to react a certain way. He knew that his letter was one that required the reader to fall into it completely. Any human distraction would disrupt the spirit.

When Lou finished, he looked up. The friends locked eyes.

“Really?” Lou said.

“Really.”

“It’s like I don’t even know you. But Jesus Christ, you’re beautiful.” He stood and walked to his friend, rolled up his jeans and dipped his legs into the cool pool water, too. The moon was out now, and it cast a gentle white light on either of their faces.

“And you mean all that for Gina?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t think there’s any emotion in there that came from your feelings for Lexi? That there’s not a single sentence in these four pages that is meant for her?”

“I’ve never written like that until I had Gina in my life, then out of it. But…” he kicked the water, splashing it across its own surface. The new ripples careened into the moonlit nothingness of the water. “I want it to be for Lexi.”

“Maybe you should take a cue from me. Be single. I currently have no relationship problem ’cuz I’m not in a relationship. It’s worked for me well these last few days.”

✶

THEY STAYED OUTSIDE UNTIL A LITTLE AFTER 4 A.M., when Chuck polished off the last of the O’Doul’s. Talking, laughing, the usual. As they picked up the empties and marveled at the incredible number of roach carcasses, Chuck said, “I hope you had a good birthday, buddy.”

“I can say without any doubt that this one was the best. Really. Thank you.”

“I didn’t do much.”

“You did everything. You’re an incredible person, Charles Keller. You really, really are. I mean you still owe me a couple of grand in back rent, but other than that, you’re the most important person to me, Chuck. I love you.”

“If I say I feel the same way, will it just seem like I’m being polite?”

“Yes.”

So, Chuck hugged him instead. Minutes passed.

“I think we’re gonna be okay,” said Chuck.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23

[teamlemon-highthoughts-blog]

Turnip in the City Volume 4: Benjo the Friendjo in the City

 Epilogue 

Benjo the Frienjo. He was a legend of a man, nay.... a god of a man. In his time, he fought many battles, in many terrains, but no terrain was more difficult than the terrain of love...

In a small town on the edge of a cliff, lived Benjamin the Friendjam. Benjamin wished for a better life than this small village, “I want to live in the city, where the rabbits' gallop and the rats dance...” He’d often say to himself. One day he got a letter from the city of Young Democratic Socialists. They had heard of his talent for arguing debates with people and wanted to hire him as their Mayor! He was thrilled! At last! Recognition! He was so thrilled in fact that he nearly knocked over his 3ft Karl Marx Statue. “Happy Day!” he cried. “I could not ask for a better opportunity for this has been my dream for ions...” He wept with happiness!! Then Benjo packed his things and prepared to leave his small village. He said goodbye to all of his loved ones. “Goodbye Neighbor Bob,” said Ben. “See ya bruh.” said Neighbor Bob. He gave a goodbye kiss to each of his 125 parakeets. “Goodbye Samson, Goodbye Willamena, Goodbye...Spongebob! Goodbye William, Goodbye Lexis, Goodbye Shatner! Goodbye George! (and so on... there was a shiz ton of parakeets.) And then he set off on the road to the city of Young Democratic Socialists, with nothing but two mechanical pencils in his pocket. Banjo Benji enjoyed the train ride, because he liked trains. The conductor came over to Ben and said “aren’t Banjo Benjo? The great chess player??” “Indeeeeeeedddd I am.” said Ben Jovi. “This is a pleasure sir, seeing as I watch the chess tournaments every night!” The conductor cried. Banjovi just smiled and said, “It's not about the pawns you play son, it's about the queens you bone.” The conductor bowed “Thank you for your wise advice sir, I don’t know who I’d be without you...” The conductor then left to fulfill in conducting duties. Friendjamin stared out the wind at the landscape flying by and soon he was asleep. 

When he awoke, it was a bustling city outside of the window. Ben Thought that he might cry! “This is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.” He exclaimed! He began to walk around the city and soon found his apartment. The apartment was indeed impressed, but it lacked something...Roommates! He called up his loving sister Emily and his buddy Tessa. “Y’all wanna come live with me in the city of Young Democratic Socialists?” Both of them had nothing to lose, they were just cat ladies. “Can we grow in your apartment man?” “Uuuuuuuh, I guess.” Said frienjo, “Um, also, we need to bring some of our cats... All of our cats.” “Uhhh, as long as I don’t have to pay for it.” said Benjo. “Chill...”They said, and they hung up. And later they brought with them, a fourth roommate. Jimbo, the Shizhead. Because they wanted cheaper rent. 

Shortly after his arrival to the city, Benjamin the Freindammin was elected mayor. His slogan for his campaign had been “Viva la Revolution”. And before his first 6 months in office, he had transformed the city into a Socialist Mecca. Full of posters of Marx and constant free government funded magical for all to enjoy. It was...a Utopia. Friendjamie got married to a beautiful young woman. Her name was Phillip Glass and she was the love of his life. Until...

One day Frienjamin spied a used heroin needle and got an urge he had never felt before. “I think, I should do this heroin...” he thought to himself. He called up his two amazing talented friends, who still lived in his basement, Tessa, and Emily. “Guys, should I just like... do this heroin right now? I think I want to.” “Uuuh, I don’t know man... I’m really stoned and I have no idea what you just said...” Said Emily. Benjo said, “You won’t need to take care of me, did you know that heroin is sucked up by your brain stem and then enter your occipital lobe?” The call ended, due to ben spouting drug facts. He then decided that he would do the heroin. I was nice and made him feel like a happy lil Frienjo. He skipped home, a happy boy indeed. But Benjamin’s life spiraled after that moment... First, he was addicted to heroin and made rash political decisions. He legally renamed everyone in the city to be a famous chess players name. Then, came the sex scandal. Frienjamin had been having an affair with several interns at his office. And had produced more than 500 love childs in the last 5 years of his term as mayor. This was because he loved to love and was also on heroin and had less inhibition. This broke poor Phillip Glass’s heart and ruined his marriage. But through all of this, Ben never forgot the power of friendship. And because of this, his friends decided they were going to rescue him. They used the magic of the telepathic link the transform themselves into a giant Phoenix with two heads and lemons for feathers. They swooped over to city hall and snatched Brenjamin from his bed as he slept. “Its time to leave the city of Young Democratic Socialists, banjo.” they screeched. When Ben awoke, he was leaning against a palm tree, and looking out on blue waters. His 125 birds were all waiting for him in the trees above. They squeaked with welcome has the rose. Am in heaven?”, he asked. “No.,” said the lemon bird, “This is just an island for you. We traded it with someone for a shit ton of weed man...” and the bird swooped into the sky and flew away. Ben was left confused. But then his favorite bird, Pi, flew over and pecked his nose. Ben was overjoyed with the fact that he was with so many birds again. He decided to make this his new home. And he lives there to this day. 

The End