#but lately making art makes me incredibly sad

[monsterblogging]

"I know JK Rowing is a terrible person but her books are so good-"

You sure about that?

I mean, just for a start, have you taken a good look at her fantasy creatures lately? A whole bunch of them are straight-up based on malicious and dehumanizing stereotypes about actual people.

Remember the werewolves? And being a werewolf was made into a kind of metaphor for having AIDS?

And you know how AIDS was first associated with gay men? And how conservatives back in the day were claiming gay men were preying on children in order to convert them to gayness?

Remember how Fenrir Greyback preyed on children in particular? Yeah, she put that subtext in there. She was an adult in the 90's. She knew damn well what she was doing.

Remember the house elves? Remember how most of them loved to serve and needed to have a home and a master or else they just wouldn't know what to do with themselves?

Did you know that's literally what slavers in the American South said about the Black people they kept enslaved? Go look up the happy slave myth.

Do I even need to get into the goblins and the antisemitic tropes they're based on? No, folkloric goblins were not gold-hoarding bankers waiting for their chance to stab humanity in the back.

"But the characters are so good!"

Are you kidding me?

Most of her characters are pretty one-dimensional, including Harry. Her idea of making a morally complicated character is giving a tragic past to a bully. Numerous characters are little more than stereotypes. (Looking at Fleur right now.) Literally anybody, including you, can easily make dozens of characters just as good, if not better. (It doesn't exactly take a lot of character designing skill to go, "hey, actually, having a sad backstory doesn't make it okay to bully children" or "hey, maybe I should not base a character on the first stereotype that pops into my head.")

"But the rest of the worldbuilding!"

Sorry, but her worldbuilding is just as basic as her characters. Magical castles and secret passages are stock tropes. Magical people who keep their true nature secret from humanity is the premise of pretty much every White Wolf TTRPG. Most of her fantasy creatures are just common European fairy tale and folklore creatures with shitty stereotypes projected onto them.

I'm not saying "basic worldbuilding bad." I'm saying, you could do just as good, if not better, with minimal effort.

Also there's her magical bioessentialism, where only Harry's abusive blood relatives could provide him with supernatural protection from Voldemort. Rowling thus effectively declared that non-biological family isn't quite real family, and that abusive biofamily can give you some essential thing that a loving, supportive family that isn't related to you just can't.

The Hogwarts houses are one of the most insidious elements of her worldbuilding. The idea of being sorted gives you a little dopamine hit because wow now you have a li'l niche where you belong!

But the actual function of the houses and sorting system and the House Cup is teaching children to see each other as rivals, and ensure that the most toxic views of the upper class get passed on to every new batch of kids sorted into Slytherin.

Hogwarts effectively prepares children for a dystopia where magic serves to distract its citizens from how nightmarishly awful it is. Economic inequality is so bad that people like Arthur and Molly Weasley can barely afford to put their kids through school, casual sadism is just an accepted norm in everyday society, and non-humans are second class citizens. Rowling sorta acts like she thinks this is a bad thing with certain lines she gave to Dumbledore, but in the end, her special boy protagonist becomes an auror; IE, a defender of the status quo. So.

If you've never seen it, Lily Simpson's video goes into even more detail on how the worldbuilding of Harry Potter is actually incredibly fucked up, and how it betrays small-minded attitudes on Rowling's part. There's no separating the art from this artist, because Rowling's rotten values pour out of nearly every page.

Yes, there are many things in Harry Potter that evoke feelings and inspire people, but there's absolutely nothing in it that this series has a monopoly on. You can find those same experiences in much, much better media.

[zarla-s]

[previous]

This isn’t saying you shouldn’t write bad or sad stories or anything, but from Gaster’s perspective as a character in those stories of course he’d want “happy” endings, haha.

But anyway, I kept telling you guys that when Handplates was over I would tell you. Well... here we are. After seven long years, here we are.

When I started I never thought I’d make it. To be honest, it doesn’t feel real to me at all. My brain still expects to do another page in about two weeks as it always does. I assume it’ll take a while to sink in. There’s a lot to say but this post is already incredibly long (sorry), so it’s probably suited to its own post.

But for all of you out there who read this story, whether you were there from the beginning or just came in now, thank you so much. And for all of you that were inspired by this comic, who created things for it, who blessed me with so many amazing gifts of art and fic and music and dubs and videos and so much more... I don’t know how to thank you enough. I never dreamed that an idle idea could have come this far or had such an impact on my life and so many people, but it did.

I kind of feel at a loss for words... again it’s very surreal. But I will say that Gaster wondering whether the kid is an actual human or not has an unintended level to it since my avatar is a fox but it’s TOO LATE NOW I GUESS lol.

( About how it’s a long, long, long journey that we’ve been on And it’s a long long long story that shall be told And it’s a long long day, and we’ve come a long long way But there’s still a long way to go

It’s a long long long way It’s a long long strong way It’s a long long long way Forward - [x] )

[index] [patreon] [comicfury]

[lilcatastrophe]

a piece i didn’t have the heart to finish. i’d started this when i found out vld was being taken off of netflix and admittedly got too sad about it to complete it in a way it’d do justice to my feelings.

this next bit might be a little long and unnecessary so im gonna put it under the cut

[TLDR- thank you voltron for being by my side for the last 8 years, i’ll miss you]

i know it’s a little late to make a post like this since it’s been gone for a while now but i wanna so im gonna. this show is so incredibly important to me and i feel like any “farewell” art i make won’t match the way i feel about it being gone after 8 whole years. i’ve been here for 8 years. i was only 12 or 13 when i first watched it and somehow im nearly 20 now which is genuinely so crazy.

it’s a love that’s lasted continuously since the first watch and no media has impacted me the way this silly space cat show has. it’s been in my brain every day since 2016-17 and i haven’t felt my fixation to it waver even a bit. my art accounts and even style to an extent has been built off of vld. it existed no matter what in some way nor the other in my life. always with me even if i never properly rewatched it. i’ve made friendships and discovered some of my favorite creators through it. they just don’t make fandom like vld anymore man, genuinely one of the experiences ever.

i have so much more to say but i will conclude my rambling here since it’s pretty out of character of me to go off on a sappy rant like this and am therefore not used to it but basically what im trying to say is Thank you Voltron. thank you to the creators thank you to the fandom and thank you to the characters. i wouldn’t be who i am without it. by no means am i gonna stop posting about and making art for the show but it feels like the end of an era with it being gone (ik ik pirated copies etc etc but ykwim)

[mortalityplays]

there are two people I've been following online for more than a decade, for what were originally work (small press) related reasons and are now a study in the effects of ageing on the brain. it's kind of incredible how some people who were curious and vital and witty in their 20s just slalomed downhill into beefbrain somewhere in their late 30s and never recovered. I can see them still engaging with cultural conversations as if the parameters haven't shifted since like 2012, as if the same takes from the iraq war are still well informed and incisive, leading the charge of some nebulous half-hearted paradigm shift that never happened.

It's exactly the way certain people in my parents' generation were perpetually stuck in the social and economic climate of the 80s, and would get incredibly pissy if you tried to tell them no you can't start a 40 year career by walking into the mailroom and asking for a job any more, you can't support two people on a single salary, live arts grants are dead. idk what the factor is that makes some people do this. is it comfort? settling down in a niche and ceasing to look beyond it? something in the personality? a genetic predisposition? something to do with brain plasticity? idk. sad. I plan to be one of the 60+ year old freak gays I knew growing up who flitted around the arts scene like bats and taught me to drink bitter, swear nasty and read poetry right.

[sitp-recs]

2024 Wrapped: Drarry & Rarepair

I think we all agree that 2024 was far from great in many aspects. For me, last year was full of ups and downs with some happy fulfilling moments, and some very sad, difficult, anxiety-inducing moments. I took a few breaks from fandom and barely read anything in the 2nd half of the year, but a tradition is a tradition so here’s my annual wrapped, even if a bit late :) this list comes full of gratitude for the fics that brought me joy during these not so joyful times. It is also a love letter to short form as I did not have the time and mental space to indulge long fic as I used to. Looking at it, I’m happy to see a nice mix of old faves and new authors whose work I’ve been binging as if there was no tomorrow. As usual, keep in mind that this selection is 100% subjective as it reflects my very own perverted needs personal tastes. I hope you enjoy these gems as much as I did, and I wish you a generous new year, full of kindness and hope ✨

Drarry:

the sun between us by @eleadore (E, 7k)

Draco Malfoy, an omega. It was laughable until he was right in front of you, smelling like he was one shaky step from tripping into a heat. 

you can find my detailed rambling about this fic here, which btw is the first single rec I wrote in over an year because I was so overexcited I had to scream about it somewhere. deliriously sensual and self-indulgent but also full of biting, unrelenting snark, this is a must read to those who are into the good old push and pull of enemies to lovers. and mindblowing hot a/b/o sex as a treat :D

Heart to Hearth by @jtimu (E, 7k)

It should perhaps not have been a surprise that the repairman on his front step came not with coveralls and a toolbox but instead with a sardonic stare and a raised eyebrow.

my favourite odd job fic of 2024! what a fantastic concept to have a capable, smooth Draco rocking the hell out of those coveralls and making Harry (and all of us) salivate. this fic is a masterclass in short form: compelling characters (I love this disaster Harry so much), delicious build up and perfect pacing making their attraction feel genuine and organic.

Long Haul by @wolfpants (E, 9k)

The last person Harry expects to run into on a long haul flight to New York City is Draco Malfoy.

there’s something magically wistful about second chances and maybe that’s why I instantly fell in love with this beautiful love letter to Drarry and to NYC. I adore the gentle tone, the easy flirting and evocative atmosphere. the airplane smut is superb and there’s enough backstory to get you invested in their past without overshadowing the infinite possibilities the present is opening up for them right there. a beauty!

Spoiled Little Brat by @fastbrother (T, 9k)

Harry won’t stoop to Malfoy’s level. Really, he won’t. (He will.)

the best professors fic you’ll read today, this one pulled me right back into Drarry after summer break. what a delight of a fic - silly, fun, charming, with a perfect Hogwarts atmosphere that got me sad for not being there. their chemistry is unreal, with incredible banter - then deliberate teasing - and so much sexual tension it made me weak at the knees. oh, make sure to check the phenomenal art by @appleslightning!

When the Flood Comes by @academicdisasterfic (E, 10k)

Nine years on from the war, Auror Potter is upholding the Ministry of Magic's rule of law. Senior legal counsel Draco Malfoy is challenging it. And absolutely nothing is as it seems.

lawyer Draco in a suit is always a favourite, combined with a politics plot? sign me up 👏🏻 this is a beautiful, clever, thought-provoking story with a great premise perfectly executed within 10k (but it feels much longer), captivating characters, relevant discussions, detailed world building and be still my heart, the amount of yearning! a gorgeous break up/make up that slowly unravels their past and delivers just the right amount of heartbreak with impressive economy of words.

Knot Your Average Coworkers by @thecouchsofa (E, 22k)

Or: Harry makes a bunch of unintentional knotting jokes while an increasingly baffled Draco is driven insane.

I’ve read this almost a year ago and still remember laughing in delight from beginning to end. what a fun ride! my heart is soft for this cheeky, oblivious Harry with his cringey flirty banter and obsession with Draco’s secret 😂 their dynamic is perfect, light and silly and so very sweet. this fic is hilarious but also incredibly sexy and full of hot intimacy. I’m impressed by how easily Tee blends humour, fluff and heat so organically!

Home series by @hoko-onchi-writes (E, 22k)

In which Harry grows up in darkness, falls in love, fucks up, learns some things, and falls in love again.

my first hoko fic is still my favourite, I got so emo over this one. can’t get enough of this sad, lost Harry navigating the growing pains of post-war life. he’s so young and vulnerable, my heart aches for him. I loved to watch him go from a desperate, co-dependent situationship with Charlie to a more mature and grounded relationship with Draco. touching and melancholy, this story stays with you for a while.

The Superfluous Man by peu_a_peu (E, 24k)

A child for Harry Potter is a miracle of magic. And it's the second act of Draco Malfoy's sorry little life.

another banger by the phenomenal peu, this is the perfect mix of amusing and touching with one of my all-time fave Dracos. the prose is incredible and engaging as per: vibrant, clever, full of personality and with a refreshing take on mpreg that got me kicking my feet in joy. the smooth, effortlessly funny dialogue is a masterpiece in itself, but ah! the sweetness :')

Fine-Fractured Halo by @rainjulyx (E, 29k)

For Harry, it all starts on July 31, 1999 and ends on July 31, 2019. Twenty years of longing, love, and pain in no particular order.

I don’t usually go for unhappy endings but something about this fic lured me in and I felt completely changed after reading it. brace yourself for a quiet, heart-wrenching look into Harry and Draco’s situationship over the span of 20 years of longing and waiting. love the melancholy vibe and the complexity of an unreliable narrative. this story opened a hole inside my chest and stayed with me for a long, long time.

Truth to Materials by @toomuchplor (E, 54k)

In which Harry learns to appreciate art and other pleasures of the flesh.

god knows how this fic is still so underrated because it’s easily on my top 3 of 2024: sexy, moving, thought-provoking, funny and so very romantic and entertaining. I wanna live inside this universe and learn everything about quirky artist Draco and cute smitten Harry getting all curious and hungry for him. their dynamics are captivating, light and fun until the tenderness hits you right in the face. vibrant world building, brilliant cast, perfect dialogue and decadent hot smut - this fic delivers absolutely everything and you need to go read it right now.

this heaven of mud by @garagepaperback (E, 92k)

winter, 2002: Draco Malfoy is absolutely fine, thank you very much. summer, 2008: Harry Potter is, er- well, not good exactly, but definitely better. Yeah. Better than before.

I've inhaled everything garage has written last year and it was hard to pick one for this list, but I knew it had to be this banger. fuck buddies my beloved! this is an immersive and satisfying ride and I love how their relationship slowly unfolds to the reader. seeing them so young and stupid was nostalgic, aching and bittersweet at once, but I wasn’t expecting to be so moved by the romance! a brilliant character study, full of tension and heart.

Rare Pairs:

o fiery sun by @onbeinganangel (E, 3k) - Theo/Harry

Is it actual solstice magic or is Theo Nott just suddenly, really, stupidly, impossibly hot?

I’ve been low-key into this ship thanks to NottPott Chronicles and Mari delivers everything I expected of a “reluctant case partners to fuck buddies” 🔥 what a premise! I’m so hot for Seer Theo who’s a teasing little shit driving Harry up the wall lol their chemistry is explosive, dripping with sexual tension and the promise of more. Drarry fans need to check this asap!

One Night in Hogsmeade by @lqtraintracks (E, 4k) - Prongsfoot

While there are hearts in this world James hasn’t minded breaking, Sirius’s has never been one of them.

trust LQT to ruin me with this ship, which I so carefully avoid hoping to dodge the devastation. but it only takes James and Sirius sharing one brain cell and being all hot and wanton for each other and here I am, dead and buried. this has LQT's trademark of insanely hot smut dripping with angsty feels. the characters are so dear and full of heart, and I can’t handle the amount of desire, trust and fond familiarity they share.

Nightswimming by @sweet-s0rr0w (M, 5k) - Dronarry

Weasley flicks the light on. ���I got off with a guy once, you know,” he says, casually, holding the torch up between his gloved fingers.

my favorite Dronarry of the year, this fic was such a unique experience! a masterclass in short form, as per sweet’s usual. such a delicious and expertly crafted foreplay, the mounting tension swallowed me whole and left me at the edge of my seat yearning for more. I need this flirty Ron in my bed life, jfc. the car sequence is one of the best executed scenes I’ve ever read, with such a distinct, sexy dream-like atmosphere. instant classic!

Three's a Crowd (But Four is a Party) by @kbrick (E, 7k) - Harry/Draco/Pansy/Blaise, endgame Drarry

Pansy and Draco have been together for ages. Kind of. They don't sleep together any more, but they do sleep with men together. It's complicated.

also known as the pwp that made me tear up with feels for Pansy & Draco, this is a beautiful and moving love letter to their friendship. I love the layers behind their co-dependency, it’s a really nuanced dynamic while also being a deliciously and self-indulgent poly smutty treat. the sex sequence is smoking hot and a feast for the eyes, with such sweet Drarry chemistry! beautiful and immensely satisfying from beginning to end.

Wield Me by @tackytigerfic (E, 10k) - Drarry + Teddy

A little story about learning to strike while the iron is hot.

I’ve already poured my heart out about this fic on a dedicated rec post but suffice to say this is the tenderest, most creative short I’ve read last year. the rich and detailed world building is absolutely jaw dropping, and all characters are so lovable and fascinating. I’m obsessed with pining blacksmith Draco, and very impressed by how Tacky successfully includes my beloved Teddy in the equation while keeping this a legit (and very much romantic!) Drarry love story. so smooth, so moving. witchcraft

Permanent by @citrusses (M, 13k) - Dron, Drarry

"Harry's always been fixated on older men. Have you ever noticed that, Ron?” Granger asks.

the gasp of utter delight I let out with every citrus fic this year! brilliant time travel concept perfectly executed, I’m still in awe of how much story and character development citrus was able to convey under 15k. sexy, intriguing, slightly melancholy with a clever twist and a hopeful open ending that took the story to another level and made me shake in satisfaction. easily on my top 3 works from last year’s Dronarry Fest!

Dick Chicken by @oknowkiss (E, 15k) - Dronarry

This is a story about nothing.

yep, this is the Seinfeld AU I didn’t know I needed! this fic is so incredibly funny, original and engaging - a brilliant homage to the show’s silly, chaotic ecosystem and cleverly adapted to incorporate elements from the HP universe. I just couldn’t decide between laughing my ass off at the unique brand of humor, falling in love with this sweet Harry or getting all hot and bothered for the Dronarry sexual tension omg

Worth a Thousand Words by @fluxweeed (E, 18k) - Dron

TIL wizards in Britain can avoid ward duty on the grounds of homosexuality. To avoid any false applications, wizards applying for this exemption must provide multiple pictures of themselves receiving anal intercourse with a clearly visible face.

a recent Dron fave, this sexy af and delightful fic translates the ship's essence perfectly: hilarious, scorching hot and a bit unhinged. the absurd premise serves the hottest and most entertaining "fuck first, talk later" trope with the right amount of sass, horny and sweet pining. I love Ron's voice here, curious and indulging and absolutely oblivious but still up for the ride. and Draco’s so hot for him, gosh the smut is so delicious. big bonus points for these AMAZING Harry and Hermione!

periculum by @the-invisibility-bloke (E, 25k) - Sirry

Harry needs someone to take control. Or maybe he just needs Sirius.

the fic that introduced me to El’s writing - my new age gap champion - had me on the floor just a few paragraphs in. this masterpiece covers everything that make this ship deliciously dirtybadwrong: Harry’s sweet longing, Sirius’s spiraling want and guilt clashing with the desire to give Harry everything he wants, the constant grasp for some control while toeing the line that gets blurred, then completely obliterated. exquisite build up and scorching sex scenes, so heated and satisfying!

INCENDIO by swoons (E, 42k) - Albus/James

Albus is just looking for something to get his mind off his brother. When Lily suggests he try INCENDIO, a popular dating app, he has no idea what fate — or the algorithm — has in store for him.

this was actually written in 2023 but I’m making an exception because wow, what a delightful Pottercest fic! this reawakened all my feelings for this ship. great pacing and the right amount of tension, pining, plus the BEST innuendos and poor sex jokes you’ll read today. Al and James have such distinct, charming voices and a deliciously sassy chemistry, plus matchmaker Lily stole the scene, I so enjoyed their dynamics. instant favorite!

[smilesrobotlover]

I’m sad cuz traditional art does not come easy to me anymore. I used to do really good traditional art but for some reason I just can’t do it. So I decided to try to doodle some stuff in my sketchbook! Leon and my FSA au in general have been on my mind lately so it’s all that except for the stupid drawing at the beginning haha. After love at twilight, I do want to focus on this au and make it into a fic cuz I have to swallow my pride and admit that I can’t work on several big projects at the same time (rip kotg and TCOD)

But ye! This was fun!!! Hopefully I can get back into doing good traditional art again! (Also thanks Leo for the inspiration UwU your traditional art is incredible)

[klbwriting]

Finally Home - Jason Todd Blurbs

Meeting the Family/Going to a Gala

Fandom: Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Todd x GN!reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Jason is slowly introducing you to the family but Bruce invites you to an art exhibit to meet them all at once

Notes: took the weekend off, felt like I was forcing myself to write too much and needed a little break, I'm hopefully going to get some more writing done today to make up for it!

Jason had been trying so hard to slowly introduce you to his family. There were so many people and all of them were what Jason would call ‘way too involved’ in his life, mostly because he tried so hard to keep them out of his life. He had started with Barbara because he thought you would like her the most. You were both into technology nerd shit and he knew it would drive Dick nuts if Barbara got to meet you first. Then he’d moved to Tim, one to annoy Dick again, and two because again, tech nerd shit. Finally, he had introduced you to Dick who just happened to have invited Bruce over for dinner the same night Jason was bringing you. Great, if Jason wasn’t so sure you were going to be his last partner, he would have sworn he was never introducing anyone to Dick again, but too late now.

“You must come to the art exhibit I am hosting at the manor,” Bruce had said, making Jason nearly choke on his dinner. You smiled politely and agreed, throwing a reassuring smile to Jason. He swallowed and forced a grimace. Bruce had gotten your information to send the invitation and when Jason dropped you off you bit your lip, clearly bothered by something.

“What?” he asked as he walked you to your door. You looked down, looking a little hurt. “What’s wrong?” Had Dick or Bruce said something? If he found out who hurt you he was putting a bullet in them.

“Well, I just, don’t know why you don’t want me to meet your family?” you said. He realized then that he had hurt you. O great, self-flagellation it was then.

“What do you mean? I am introducing you,” he said, trying desperately not to have to say what he was really thinking. He felt so guilty for feeling this way. But you were so different from the others, so not what they would expect from him. It was almost comical someone like you being with him.

“Are you ashamed of me? Embarrassed? Am I not good enough for them?” you asked. Your eyes were so sad, and you sounded so incredibly hurt, near tears even. Jason gently took your face in his hands, making sure you looked right at him. You were so different, so incredibly out of his league.

“No, no no no no, God you’re too good for them. They don’t deserve you and neither do I,” he said. “I honestly was afraid you would meet them and realize what a damned loser I was and want to run the other direction.” You stared at him.

“For being so incredibly smart and reading so many books, you Jason Todd, are an idiot,” you said, leaning up to kiss him deeply. He kissed you back, still holding your face gently, the warmth of your skin keeping his heart beating. He swore without you he would go back to being dead. “I love you,” you whispered when you pulled back and he couldn’t fight the grin on his face.

“I love you too,” he said. “So, you really want to go to that Wayne art festival thing? You’ll have to dress fancy and I’ll have to wear a suit.” You looked him over slowly and raised an eyebrow.

“Can’t wait to see it.”

Jason knocked on your door, dressed in a fine blue suit, hoping that it was the right shade to match your outfit. You had said sapphire so he that’s what he told Bruce when asked for the color for the tailor, and that’s what color he hoped he was wearing. He heard a shuffle on the other side of the door before it opened and he saw you. The most amazing and most gorgeous person he had ever known. Your outfit was sapphire as well, bringing out your eyes, and Jason felt his jaw go slack for a moment. Then your laugh brought him back.

“I guess you like the look?” you asked. He nodded and offered you his arm. You took it and headed to the party.

The entire evening Jason couldn’t keep his eyes off you. You looked so natural and confident, even Damian seemed to like you and he was a demon incarnate. You were stunning in every sense of the word and Jason had no idea how he got so lucky that someone like him, so broken and damaged, had managed to find you, let alone keep you. When he had a moment to leave the boring conversation he was in with the Kane’s he walked over, sliding an arm around your waist.

“May I steal my partner for a few moments?” he asked Stephanie and Cass. Both of them shook their heads.

“No, they’re ours now, we like them” Cass said. Jason shrugged; well guess he was making a scene then. He lifted you up bridal style and carried you towards the gardens, setting you down outside, feeling the eyes from the main room still watching. You had been too shocked to react at first but now you laughed at his antics.

“That was rude Jason!” you said but couldn’t stifle your laughter. He set you down, keeping you close.

“So, what do you think?” he asked, nodding back towards the party where people were back to mingling again. Only Bruce seemed to be watching closely, Jason could feel his eyes on him.

“Well, I don’t understand the art…” you said. Jason let out a grunt.

“No one understands the art and you know that’s not what I was asking about,” he said. You smiled a little.

“I love them, I love all of them, not as much as you, but they are great,” you said. Jason let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He knew that they all adored you, how could they not, but you loving them was just as important. He could say all he wanted that he wasn’t a ‘real’ member of the family, that when he died that connection died, but he knew he was lying. They were his family and now you were too.

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

Chapter 4

CW: jealous neteyam, angst, restless neteyam, obsessive and toxic behavior, mentions of violence, neteyam's current mental health is not the best out there (let's put it that way), the word "bloody" being mentioned in someone's thoughts, TRIGGER WARNING for dubious consent and slight NON CON, angry thoughts, melancholic reader, hints of depression on reader, anxious reader, mentions of breeding kink, reader thinking a lot about neteyam, reader finds out she's crushing on neteyam, reader is afraid of neteyam + attracted to him, neteyam stepping over reader's boundaries, creepy yandere vibes, slight nudity, sexual tension, neteyam almost trying to have sex with reader (if you squint)

Not proofread… as always 😂 I'm so sorry PLS don't give up on me, my babies! My readers are my lil rays of sunshine! No false praising here, I'm way too much of an honest, and sometimes blunt bih to do that! Ahaha you guys have changed my life. Having you guys reading my stories, appreciating my art… I'm still speechless. I love y'all until the end! 🥲🥺🫀💕 when I'm sad, you guys cheer me up with your comments, reblogs, asks, likes… I'm forever thankful ✨ I'm sending A BIG KITH to everyone that commented on the other chapters! I didn't have enough time and mental/physical health to answer everyone bc I've been going through some tough things in my personal life lately. Like, REAL tough. But I always do my best to try and show my gratitude to all of you <3 hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave comments below if u wanna I LOOOOVE READING YOUR COMMENTS 🥰💕💕💕

Chapter 3

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Watching me, wanting me

I can feel you pull me down

Fearing you, loving you

I won't let you pull me down

Haunted (Evanescence)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Hours had passed since Neteyam Suli had appeared to you in the window of the kitchen you worked in.

It was late at night already and you should be sleeping but, you just could not stop thinking about what had happened. How weird it had been to see a real na'vi - not an Avatar - real close. How odd he looked in your eyes, massive in size and so, so blue...

You laughed alone in your small room in the back of the laboratory after taking a quarter of a second to realize that the thought you just had was actually really funny.

Neteyam looked like a huge and thick brushstroke of sky blue paint. Still, he was… incredibly beautiful. He was eerie, weird looking compared to the human guys you're used to, but… something about him made his face linger on your mind.

You did not know how it was possible that you were finally having to admit to yourself that you felt attracted to Neteyam Suli, even after he appeared to you only once and, let's not forget, he appeared completely unanticipated, saying he had seen you before, multiple times.

You knew that raised like a billion red flags. Yet still, even though you did not feel safe enough to trust him or let your hair down when he was around, he intrigued you immensely.

༊⁀➷

You woke up the next morning feeling anxious. You did not know what it was exactly, but, lately, you had not only been depressed, but anxious too. You knew you probably would be diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety if you cared to go to the mental health department of the laboratory, but the thing was… you did not care to. You did not want to. The real reason for your lingering sadness was already so familiar to you: you did not like the life you were living.

You looked to be free like the na'vi. To not have deadly boring obligations everyday, to not have to care so much about so many strict rules of what was socially acceptable and what was not. You thought your own race to be too complicated. Humans don't really say what they mean just so many times. Humans care too much about money and power when, in reality, deep down, we all know that's not what's gonna make us happy, what's gonna keep us warm in a cold night.

But you were never really like that.

Not to pretend you were a golden, precious jewel, so incredibly hard to find, so utterly different from everybody else but, in all honesty, as much as you did care about money and having a comfortable life - to some extent - you were never a greedy for riches kind of person. You had always felt perfectly happy and content to just have a few things to keep you cozy, like your earbuds, a good book, your favorite sweet treat… You liked it simple. Calm. Balanced.

You believed that everything needs to be balanced to work well.

Chaos and light. Pain and happiness.

People need all of it to learn, grow and live a good life, that doesn't get painfully boring and unbearable with time.

But humans lacked balance.

Too much greed, too little contentment. Too much hate, too little compassion. Too much selfishness, too little altruism. That's why your kind was, as unfortunate as it was, doomed to misery. The human race dug their own grave. God, they couldn't even respect and take care of their own planet, their own home, the place that kept them literally safe and steady in the middle of the immense galaxy, let alone being able to take care of each other, to consider other's feelings before their own because, sometimes, we all need to do it.

And that's one of the reasons why you admired the na'vi so much. They were so much more wise than your own race.

How many times you had wished, talking to yourself in the dark of the night, that you could have been born na'vi. Why was fate so cruel to you? You did not even believe in fate. But it is only an expression, anyway.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam was tossing around on his mat since he went back home from training.

Yesterday he was way too busy to try and go see you or at least watch you from afar.

Sometimes he truly felt exhausted from his hectic routine and just wished he could be like Lo'ak and the other Omatikaya young men and just be able to relax more, to have more free time to engage in hobbies or, Eywa... to have more time to sleep... Sometimes he went back home all sore. He was as athletic as one can be but it did not mean he could not feel jaded after pushing himself too hard.

But Neteyam tried to always keep in mind the noble, sacred reason why he did all that. He was going to be the next leader of his clan, a privileged position, blessed by the Great Mother. A position that so many wished to have and he was lucky enough to be waiting to take on.

He was the current Olo'eyktan's son. It was a gift, he should not be ungrateful. He felt bad for thinking that was exactly what he was being... His father, Jake, was Toruk Makto. He was brave enough to earn that title. Neteyam felt it was his duty to be as brave and fearless as his father, to honor him and all his efforts to defend their tribe from any danger, specially from the Sky People.

Everything was going as usual, if it was not for only one thing: Lo'ak seemed to be suspicious of the fact that Neteyam was out for so many hours, almost everyday (meaning, every time he was free to just do whatever he wanted and not training to become the next Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya) and nobody had a clue of where he was.

His parents seemed to be too busy being the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahìk to notice something seemed off about Neteyam's behavior lately. And it is understandable. It was anything but easy to be the clan leader and the clan healer and spiritual leader. Mo'at was getting old and had passed the position of Tsahìk to Neytiri a while ago. So, Jake and Neytiri already were making such a huge effort to be able to live up to their duties, be parents of a little girl, Tuktirey, three teenagers and still keep their sanity. It was a lot, indeed. But they tried as hard as they could to still be good enough for their clan, their family and for each other, as a mated couple.

Neteyam decided he was way too restless to be able to sleep that night. He could not stop thinking about the way that human male talked to you, looked at you... He wondered if he really was your mate. He was not sure but if what he thought when he saw you two together was true, he knew it would not be a problem. He hated to get violent, his natural self was calm and composed. But he was going to fight for you, and, if it needed to get bloody, then so be it.

He decided to go outside his and his family's home, to breathe some cold, fresh eclipse air. It helped him to calm down a bit but it was not enough. He missed you. Like crazy. Deeply. He craved your scent… your delicious human scent. He did not even believe he was saying that about the way a human smelled. But he would always insist in saying you were different. You had a na'vi heart. Just like his father, back when he was still all pink and small.

He decided he wanted… no, he needed to see you. And it could not wait. It had to be now. He craved you and that craving would not go away like that. It was stronger than his rational brain. You woke up his animal side more than anything else did. He wanted to mate with you as soon as possible. He dreamt about the day he would be able to breed you, have you carrying his offspring on your womb. He would make you so happy, give you everything you've ever wanted, everything you need. And while you were still not permanently living inside your Avatar body, he still wanted to have you, even if it meant having you in your demon form. You were a pretty, lovely demon. His cute, sweet demon girl. His yawntutsyìp. (little loved one)

༊⁀➷

You just could not believe it was really happening, how the hell you got into those circumstances.

Right before that moment, you were almost sleeping peacefully, finally (you know that state when you're not awake nor asleep?), after having been awake, tossing around on your bed for hours for the most ridiculous reason you could ever think of: you were undeniably crushing on that weird alien boy. Neteyam Suli.

Yes, he acted like a creep when he tapped on your window. You knew it was pathetic but… he just would not leave your mind. He was shamelessly living rent free in your brain. All cozy there.

But the worst and craziest part was: you were still afraid of him.

Ok, the na'vi were a peaceful, highly intelligent (arguably much more smart, interesting and wiser than humans) alien race but he was still almost 10 feet tall and was so freaking intimidating. You shivered at the thought that he could ever hurt you, even by accident, one day.

Still, you were now here with him. Outside the laboratory. Because he put his goddamn eerie but cute (the guy is a complete paradox) looking ocean colored fingers through the tiny gap you left open in your bedroom window - a passage you left for air to come in when it was really hot and dry, like it was that night - and that made a strange noise, enough to put you in alert mode.

Damn, what a bad habit… Leaving the window open, even slightly, was not even permitted by the people who took care of the lab's security norms. That could be dangerous. But you had always been a stubborn little thing.

You were now regretting your decisions, though. 

Neteyam approached your window being what he could be like a pro: a crazy stalker.

How you were still attracted to him… even though you were fearful of his na'vi build and strength… that was a question that maybe a mental health professional could answer. It was weird and problematic and you knew it. But you never imagined you would feel like this about Neteyam Suli. You really did not. When you first saw him, he seemed cute and handsome in your eyes, but he was still an alien. You had never considered being attracted to one. But now… nothing made sense anymore, things were getting weird.

Stupidity took over you when you were so sleepy and groggy and you saw it was his huge hand on the wooden window, so, you wanted to ask him why he ran away the last time you two spoke. You know when you're so sleepy, you make the most unimaginably silly mistakes? So… there you go. You dragged your heavy with slumber body out of your bed, grabbed your oxygen mask that was kept inside your closet and opened the window.

But why, though?

In the beginning, you two were having a trivial talk about mundane stuff, like how he learned the English language (his father, of course), he started to ask how and why you got an Avatar etc 

He acted suspicious but still normal-ish, for a na'vi. They always looked mysterious when interacting with humans. But then, when he was telling you about his little sister, Tuktirey, and your eyes were slowly falling shut, your body begging for some hours of sleep… you felt a change in the atmosphere around you.

Your eyes had closed for a while, on their own, and suddenly, you knew Neteyam was really close to you, now. He had been keeping a respectful distance in the beginning. But now… now he was inches away from your body. He had moved closer, his fleshy but toned blue thigh almost rubbing against your leg, as you were sitting sideways on the window frame, your legs hanging in the air, making you feel a bit cold because of the nighttime Pandoran air.

You woke up from your 5 seconds long involuntary nap really startled.

"Hey! Why are you… so close?" You looked at him, dazed and nervous, visibly shaken

"Sorry… Is it too much? You're just… so pretty…" Neteyam says, looking at you like he's looking at a graceful, otherworldly being.

"Yeah. It is." You warn him "Can you… step away a bit, please?" You said, looking into his eyes. Your gaze serious but amiable.

Neteyam respected your request and did what was decent. But you did not expect that he would soon change his demeanor, just like something was taking over him.

You were so distracted with your chat with Neteyam but so utterly sleepy too that you did not notice when your nightgown's thin strap slipped through your right shoulder, leaving your breast exposed, your nipple out for Neteyam to see.

It was like a beast had replaced that nice-but-weird-vibes guy you were previously talking to.

Neteyam had just lifted you off of the window with amazing ease, your feet now touching the ground and he got closer to you again. He had you with your back against the lab's outer wall, keeping you there just by being in front of you, looking at you.

His size was enough to keep you still. You did not want him to maybe get mad at you if you tried to run away. That could become terrifying in a heartbeat. You were brave since a child, but you were also realistic. Your height and body strength was nothing compared to Neteyam's.

He looked at your exposed breast with such desire, you felt like his amber gaze was scorching your sensitive skin.

"Neteyam! What-?"

"You're so… perfect." His breath was labored while he stared down at your nipple, hardened by the cold temperature of the eclipse air "Sevin…" (pretty)

"I'm so afraid of you, Neteyam... You're too big and honestly...scary. I'm so sorry. I'm always trying to pick up signals that may indicate you're gonna hurt me. I don't feel comfortable at all right now. Please, let me go" You said as your cold, anxious hands took your nightgown strap back to where it belonged, covering your boob again, feeling ashamed of the vulnerable way you had just been seen by Neteyam, ashamed of the fact that he, a boy you barely knew, had just seen your naked breast, even if it was only for a brief period of time

"My cute little 'emyu…" (cook, cooker) "You don't need to be afraid of me." He smiles at you in such a sincere way, trying to show you he means no harm whatsoever. 

Though Neteyam felt his heart tightening way too much inside his chest, hurting so much it was like you had crushed it when you said you're afraid of him, he was carefully trying to make you see he would never in a billion years harm you, his precious little yawne (loved one).

He wished so hard, even prayed to Eywa, in a millisecond, inside his mind, that you would soon realize he loved you so much he would kill anyone who ever hurt your precious, frail human body. He could not understand how you could think he himself would do such a horrible thing towards you.

When Neteyam saw you did not show any sign that you were beginning to trust him more, he said:

"Hì'i," (little, small in size) "please... I need you... I love your scent so much. I miss it everytime I'm away from you. I love the way your human skin smells. I do. I dream about you at night... " He gets closer to you slowly and carefully, caging you between the wall and his broad, crazily tall blue body, leaving no way for you to get away from him "C-can I touch you? Touch your skin?" Neteyam breathes, begging for you with his wide eyed gaze "Just for a little while, please..." He kneels down at the ground to be as close as he possibly can to your height "See? I'm not so tall anymore. Am I a little less scary now?" He smiles faintly, trying to cover his pain with a fake demonstration of joy.

Neteyam feels so insecure, without any guarantee that you will eventually let him in. But he will never give up on trying to be worthy of your love.

"You're always gonna be scary to me. Even when I'm in my Avatar, I think." Using a sharp na'vi knife to stab Neteyam's heart repeatedly would have hurt him less than that statement "I'm not as skilled as you are or experienced as you are when it comes to using a bow or anything like that. God, I can't even work a bow right. If you'd ever hurt me, even by accident I-"

"I can teach you." He interrupted "I will teach you everything I know about archery. I'm a great archer, you know? I like to call myself "Mighty Warrior". " He smiles, frowning a bit, trying to make a joke to make the situation a little lighter.

You seemed so afraid he was starting to not know what to do anymore to try to make you see you were safe with him. That he would defend you from any danger without any hesitation and not be the danger himself.

༊⁀➷

Taglist:

@kitsunefirewail

@tumblingdevils

@a-blog-name-2003

@xylobee

@nerdybouquetofkittens-blog

@henhouse-horrors

@lala-1516

@xylianasblog

@samistars

@lik0

@crazy4books1

@explosiongamora

@your-girl-mj

@darktyrantwinner

@sereisstuff

@yeosxxx

@die4niyahhh

@iman-lu

@manumanulau

@im-in-a-pansexual-panik

@hana-yuri

@thehoneymushroomhealer

@melllinaa

@annaibansworld

@siriuslysmoking

@avatar4eva

[thunder-opossum]

Sad mental health details below cut: tldr: brain feel icky, sorry for lack of good content

Heyo, sorry for my art dropping in quality lately and not being able to keep up with all my ongoing stories and series.

I'm in a rough mental patch and my mind is betraying me in many ways. It's very upsetting and scary. It makes it really hard for me to enjoy art so that's why I haven't really done anything great lately.

Sorry to all the unanswered asks in my inbox. Sorry to the people waiting patiently to be tagged in my next design update, sorry to the people who love my au's. Sorry to my moots that I've been messaging very dryly because I don't have the energy to be incredibly involved.

My brain be fogged and it could clear up a millisecond after I post this or a week after. My mood had just been unpredictable. Just wanted people to know.

[kkurisuac]

𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬

Pairing: Baji Keisuke x Fem!reader

warning: just fluff with my fav boy

"So, this is supposed to be me?" Baji asked, looking at my drawing.

"Yes. I know it didn't turn out the best, but I put everything into it," I said proudly about the drawing I made during art class. The task was to draw the most important person to me, and I did just that. It's just that my drawing skills are on par with a five-year-old.

"Y/n, this is simply—" before he could finish his sentence, I interrupted. "Terrible, right? I knew it turned out awful, even though I really put all my drawing skills into it!" I said, feeling sad.

"I like it," Baji smiled at me, making me incredibly happy. After all, I made it for him, so if he likes it, I'm completely satisfied with that.

"Now that it's done, we can go!" I said, grabbing Baji's hand, and we set off on our evening walk.

As we walked through the city, there were hardly any people on the streets, and everything was so quiet. Walking under the starlight, it felt like it was just the two of us, and that's exactly the feeling I love so much.

Baji was telling me about what happened at school today and how he set a car on fire again, which made me scold him because it's already the third car this week. And as a good girlfriend, I have to do this.

"And then I fell asleep. The teacher scolded me, even though it's not my fault that his class is boring," I complained about what happened today.

"You wouldn't have fallen asleep if you had gone to bed on time."

"And whose fault is it that I stayed up so late last night?" I reminded him that yesterday he came to me after a fight, asking me to take care of him and hug him because he was in so much pain. In reality, it was just a few wounds that didn't look painful at all, but I fulfilled his request because I couldn't complain about him either. Everything is fine as long as I can be by his side.

"So sleep is more important than your boyfriend's safety?"

"I don't know… sleep sounds better," I replied while maintaining eye contact with him, trying to tease him a bit, which worked.

"Really? You'd rather sleep than be with me?" he asked, pulling me closer, and suddenly I forgot to respond out of embarrassment because there were only a few centimeters between us. Even after nearly a year, he can still make me blush with every little gesture like this.

Before Baji could kiss me, it started to pour rain. While he cursed the rain for starting at the worst possible moment, I just enjoyed the summer shower. I didn't care at all that we might get sick tomorrow; I only thought about this moment being ours, just the two of us.

"I love you! I love you, Keisuke!" I said suddenly. I felt like I had to say it to him now, making him blush. He looks so sweet when he blushes. How much I love this boy.

"I love you too, Y/n," he said, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer, kissing me in the rain.

[cementcornfield]

hello! i am incredibly new here to the joe’marr community and am finding it kind of difficult? to navigate the tags and um blogs because wow there is a lot of stuff outside of joe’marr in particular? but i see you primarily show up as a content blog for bengals and joe’marr friendly! would you mind recommending some joe’marr blogs and ways to navigate the tag for the ship? and also maybe some favorite fics of yours if you have any!

but thank you really for all the content i have scrolled through your joe’marr tag pretty religiously this past few days and kind of bummed i didn’t start liking them when the season started! hopefully i can watch them next season!

Hello!! ahhh how exciting, welcome to the fandom <3 <3. i truly do love when i see people going through my tags, it’s like hello!! i see you!! i’m glad you are enjoying the same things i’m particularly unhinged about! 

but i’m sure as you noticed, my blog is kind of a mess in terms of tagging 😔 whoops. i am just not organized at all, it’s a travesty. and i really try to avoid going into any of the big tags in the fandom (the joey b tag in particular is often a horrible place lmao.) so i’m afraid i can’t really help you tag-wise (i will say that you should make sure to search through both joe’marr and joemarr without the apostrophe, because people use both, and i think the apostrophe might actually mess things up on this broken-ass website lol). 

but i can definitely recommend some blogs and some fic i enjoy! 

blogs that approach joe’marr in a similar way to me: 

chasedeys - now if you want organization, cleo is way more on top of things than me, and has some FANTASTIC long rambling thoughts on our boys <3 

saviorified - combination of hockey and joe’marr/bengals stuff. kia's got great bits of analysis AND tremendous adorable fantastic art that you should definitely look through! 

always-silly-season - my dear wonderful friend annie who is more of a bball poster this time of year BUT is also an OG joe'marr blog. unmatched takes (plus her bball ships are also compelling!!)

agender-adrastea - nik keeps a great archive of joe’marr stuff on their blog and is also one of my favorite fic authors in the fandom! 

realtapiocafan - newer to the fandom but already knows everything to have ever happened in the lore lol. does a great job researching and presenting all of it for the fandom, an essential follow for the joe’marr lore enjoyer! 

cazluvsu - a bills bro, but also a fellow joe’marr poster! including this video that i am Obsessed with (among other great stuff!)

k8023 - more of a general bengals blog who posts a lot of the latest news in the fandom as well as cute joe’marr posts! 

chasing-clovers - always good for some good joe’marr analysis and moments! 

chase2pole - has lots of good clips and other joe'marr content for our general fandom uses!  

glittersgloom - actually more of a ravens fan (and has a lot of great info about that fandom and their different ship dynamics if you’re interested in exploring those! good stuff there honestly!) but has also lately been writing for joe’marr (again among many other great nfl ships!) and i really really love her writing :')

some fic to check out!

(it’s crazy how MUCH there is these days! i’ve said before but when i joined the fandom there were 2 (two!!) fics and now we’re at 83??? hell yeah!! i love all the fic authors for contributing truly i do, thank you!!)

keep them bright eyes focused on the coastline (waiting for you) - by the aforementioned glittersgloom, absolutely breathtaking MASTERPIECE of a joe’marr fic. and it’s 30k!!!

you look good in my shirt - a classic by nik, dealing with how they got to the point of joe wearing ja’marr’s jersey to the saints game 

run pass option - a smutty lil one-shot that i feel like really nails their dynamic (set when joe hurt his calf 2 years ago) 

so scarlet it was maroon - set after the afc championship loss :( :( sad but very sweet. 

even when the sun don't shine - dives into the tension/angst at the start of this season with ja’marr’s contract but with a nice happy ending <3

I don't want you like a bestfriend - this one is just super fun and porny and a great time all around lol. features jealous joe and desperate ja'marr (and even a bit of treymarr lol) which i’m alllll about. 

there’s lot more to check out, like i said, 83 fics! but these are just some that have stuck with me!!

[doumadono]

Emergency request

Been dealing with self esteem and weight issues lately which I know I can't control but it's slowly getting the better of me.. could I request the clones comforting an s/o with weight issues and low self esteem?

A/N: remember, it's okay to reach out for support and help during difficult times. Take things one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and focus on self-care and self-love. You're stronger than you think ♥

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Karaku

Karaku, with his easygoing personality, constantly reassures his S/O that he loves her just the way she is. He adores her for her uniqueness and never wants her to change for anyone.

He surprises her with little acts of kindness, like preparing her favorite snacks, to make her feel pampered and loved.

Whenever she has a bad day, he'll hold her close, reminding her that she's precious to him.

He encourages her to join him in fun and low-pressure physical activities, like going for a relaxing walk or having a light workout together, to boost her confidence and mood.

Karaku often compliments her genuine qualities, emphasizing her intelligence, kindness, and resilience. He reminds her that her worth extends far beyond physical appearance.

He enjoys dedicating his time to his S/O, reveling in the act of worshipping her body. After passionate moments together, he refuses to let her conceal herself, choosing instead to bestow kisses upon every inch of her form while whispering sweet affirmations about her beauty. "I can't help but adore every curve and contour of your body. You're a work of art."

"Remember, you're stuck with me, no matter what, khe-khe! and that includes all your beautiful imperfections."

Urogi

Urogi is incredibly attentive, always listening and understanding her feelings. He never judges his S/O.

He's known for his sassy and playful demeanor, often teasing his S/O with cheeky comments and light-hearted banter.

When his S/O is feeling down or experiencing a mood drop, he gently comes close and envelops her within his expansive wings, whispering to her that tears aren't necessary, and that this moment of sadness will eventually pass.

He's a fantastic cuddler, and he loves to hold her close and reassure her that she's safe and cherished in his arms.

Urogi encourages her to set achievable goals for herself, focusing on self-improvement rather than striving for unrealistic standards of beauty.

"You're unique, and that's what makes you so incredibly beautiful to me. Embrace your individuality."

Aizetsu

Aizetsu, being a bit mysterious and reserved, tends to show his love through actions rather than words. He constantly supports her, offering to help his S/O with tasks.

He often takes her to peaceful and natural places, like a serene forest or a calm lake, to help her connect with the beauty of the world beyond appearances.

Aizetsu is a great listener, often sitting with her in quiet moments, giving her space to express her thoughts and feelings. He never interrupts and offers a patient ear to help her release her burdens.

His presence alone provides a sense of comfort and understanding, as he values her words and emotions.

"Don't feel that way, my love, it's truly heart-wrenching, and it stirs up an overwhelming urge within me to shed tears."

He appreciates her artistic and creative side, encouraging her to express herself through writing or other creative outlets, helping her boost her self-esteem.

Aizetsu values her inner strength and resilience, often reminding her that she's much stronger than she thinks, and he's there to support her no matter what.

He's a master at creating an aura of calm and serenity, helping her relax and find inner peace when her self-esteem issues become overwhelming.

"Look at the stars. They don't judge. They just shine, much like your inner beauty."

Sekido

Sekido's anger is like a protective shield around his S/O. Whenever they face a threat or feel vulnerable, his anger flares up, ready to defend and shield them from harm.

Despite his constant anger, Sekido's unwavering support is evident in his actions. He's quick to take action when his S/O needs help, making sure she's always defended and cared for.

"Tsch! Don't keep things from me, weakling. It's fucking frustrating."

His anger also acts as a healing force, as he fiercely helps his S/O confront her fears and insecurities. He encourages her to face challenges head-on, providing the motivation and courage she needs to overcome obstacles.

Sekido cherishes the quiet moments with his significant other. He understands the importance of relaxation and calm, and in these moments, he is surprisingly gentle and tender.

He often points out her accomplishments and the things she's proud of, emphasizing that her worth goes beyond her physical appearance.

"Don't let fear hold you back. You've got this, and I'll be right there beside you."

[naomijoestar]

helloo!! Hope you're doing well, I just saw your Narancia hcs about him being a stay at home dad and it's so gosh darn cute, aghh!!! If you could, do you think you could do hcs of him being a dad in general?

Knowing his past and how empathetic he can be, he would be such a great dad, it's just plain adorable thinking about it 😭

Masterlist here <3

Hello! I’m doing well what about you? Narancia as a dad would be so wholesome and heartwarming. His past would absolutely shape him into being a compassionate and attentive parent. I just adore him <33

Also I deeply apologize for the late reply, I hope you enjoy this! :)

Narancia as a father general headcanons

- Given his childhood and how much he was hurt by abandonment and betrayal, Narancia would want his child to feel safe at all times. He’d always keep an eye out but wouldn’t smother them, knowing how important independence is

- If his kid ever faced struggles, Narancia would be the first to remind them that they’re never alone. He’d be the kind of dad who sits with his kid for hours, helping them solve their problems, no matter how small

- Narancia has the vibe of a dad who’s always up for playtime, whether it’s a water gun fight in the yard, building pillow forts, or dancing to music in the living room. He’d match his child’s energy, no matter how exhausted he might secretly feel

- While he might not be the best chef, Narancia would insist on making meals with his kid. He’d let them crack the eggs, stir the sauce, or taste-test everything. “You think this needs more salt? No? Okay, Chef, I trust you.”

- Narancia would be incredibly in tune with his kid’s emotions. If they ever felt sad, he’d immediately know and do whatever it takes to make them smile—whether it’s cracking jokes, snuggling, or just listening

- Having faced hardships himself, he’d encourage his child to be brave but would remind them that it’s okay to cry or lean on others. He’d balance teaching them strength and vulnerability beautifully

- Even if life gets busy, Narancia would make sure family comes first. Movie nights, trips to the beach, or just lying in bed talking about their day would be a non-negotiable routine

- From macaroni art to acing a test, Narancia would hype his kid up like they just won an Olympic gold medal. He’d show off their work to everyone with a huge grin, saying, “Look what my kid made/did!”

- If anyone ever tried to hurt or belittle his child, Narancia wouldn’t hesitate to stand up for them. His protective side would kick in full force, but he’d also teach his kid how to handle conflict

- Narancia might not be super book-smart, but he’d find creative ways to teach his kid life lessons. Whether it’s through music, stories, or practical demonstrations, he’d make learning fun and memorable

I hope this meets your expectations <3 If you’d like anything specific added/changed message me and I’ll fix it!

If you enjoyed this make sure to check out my other posts, and if you’d like anything specific written for a jjba character/squad you can request it if my requests are open!

[interstyx]

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING

I adore this show to my core and it'll stay in my heart of hearts as one of my favorite pieces of fiction ever made. There's few things out there more laser-aimed to my tastes -- media hardly ever makes me feel any emotions but somehow MD got me consistently giddy & sad & horrified the whole way through.

This show found me at an utter nadir. I was feeling like shit, facing a shit job, creatively dead, lonely and regressing into all those personal failings that surface when things don't go right. I only decided to hatewatch it at around the time ep2 dropped with some friends because I needed something to be angry at, and found myself with butterflies in my stomach as ep2 came to a close.

The stylistic flairs of this show speak to me in a way that I haven't been spoken to for a decade. Writing cringe and all, unapologetic anime-isms, the delightfully realized body horror. Even back then, as soon as EP3 dropped, I felt like I had a pulse on this show, where it was going, what it wanted to do -- even when it makes mistakes, even when I dislike decisions, I feel like I get it, I see the vision, and I love it even more for it where things like these would have killed my joy dead back when.

And the writing community -- I never ever in my life expected to meet so many incredibly inspired, dedicated folks out here, not a week goes that I give your fics a read and come out angry-laughing at how fucking good this stuff is. As a lifelong pessimist and infamously dour shitheel when it comes to writing this stuff is invaluable to me.

It's been more than two years since then, and I sincerely believe this has been the greatest years of my life. I am renewed and happy with my creative endeavors. The theories, the projects, the writing talks, the stupid crack shit, it's made my recent life worth living when things were shite and made it shine much more when things got better, got so much dark stuff out of my skull and made it art that I can look back and love, smile when time passes and it doesn't tarnish in that hurtful way one's works do when it gets late at night and the same ol', same ol' creative dread creeps into your head.

This all amounts to a fairly unnoteworthy fandom appreciation letter -- I know it does. Maybe because it's my first and I've never cared to watch things as they air, maybe I just don't have the words in me to put what's in my heart out there into the screen.

I suppose "I love you all" is the most sincere way to say it. I genuinely do. Thank you for the art, the heart-wrenching fanfic, the discussions, the beautiful cringy art, the joy of my life since all the way back in '22. Thanks to all my friends I made here. Thanks to the insanely awesome Glitch team for delivering pure stylistic kino unmatched in history. Thanks to Liam Vickers for sticking with his insane fucking isms since circa 2010 until he saw it through.

I'll hold all this and more in my cruddy little heart where it hardly fits for all my life. I've got plenty more fanfic in me to write and read and I'm giddy to see it all through.

Thank you for reading this, no matter what you thought of that ending or how your opinion of the show's evolved. No matter the brisk turns life takes, there's nothing in the world that means more to me than that people are willing to read what I write.

[lostinforestbound]

It's finally here! I'm sorry it took me so long, with work and art projects I got completely swamped. But now it's here! I'm aware I'm posting this incredibly late so no one will see this until morning probably hahaha! Requested tag: @snoozeeebee

Rolan/M!Tiefling Tav

Third Time's the Charm - Ch.1

Rolan intends on doing great things when he finally gets to Baldur's Gate, but an utter idiot named Tav is distracting him. Unfortunately, against his better judgement, he's starting to fall for him.

Word Count: 5.9k (AO3)

Relevant Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rolan's POV, Makeout, No smut (yet) but it gets frisky, Slowburn

(If there's any tags I missed, please let me know!) NSFW, MDNI

They've been at this grove, stewing and waiting for too long. That Archdruid (Halsin was his name, he believes) might have been welcoming, but the other druids have not. Now he up and disappeared after he decided to follow a group of weak, loud, wannabe adventurers who were only out for themselves. When they cowered back inside the grove with less than half their group, he knew that this place was doomed. What's worse than all of that mess is that Lia is stubborn about leaving, and now they're in an argument again. They've been having them a lot in recent months, ever since the fall and rise of Elturel.

"-and all you care about is your stupid apprenticeship!" Lia shouts at him, his mind finally tuning back into the conversation- no, not a conversation, a damn shouting match.

Her words make him bristle and grind his teeth. How dare she? How dare she ever think this was all only for the apprenticeship? It's an insult to injury, knowing no matter what he does, trying to take care of them results in him being called selfish. What is selfish about wanting a better life for the three of them? They only have each other, their mother long gone. She's gone, and now he carries the sole responsibility of taking care of them.

She's gone.

"Take that back. Right now." He hisses, getting in her face as they glare each other down.

Cal immediately inserts himself in between the two of them, palms out in front of them both. "Can we all just take a moment? Please?"

Rolan idly notices the sweat gathering on Cal's temple as he pushes Lia back slightly by her shoulder, creating more space between all of them. He does the same to Rolan, but stays put in the middle to form a weak barrier- wait, who is that tiefling that approached? No, it doesn't matter.

"Hells, we can't just leave. They're kin!" Lia begs, almost pleading with him.

"I will not gamble our lives- our futures, on people who are as good as dead," He says somewhat calmly, though his tail still flicks behind him in irritation. "We must leave for Baldur's Gate at once."

Lia looks ready to bare her teeth at him, angry with him. She's always angry with him. "What's the point of blades and spells if we don't bloody use them?! We should stay! These people aren't fighters, we can help!"

"Or yell louder, that's fine too," Cal says with a familiar bitterness in his tone; gods, he hates that tone on Cal. He's been hearing it more often, these days.

"Have you forgotten Elturel?" A voice breaks through, and he finally acknowledges the presence beside them.

It's another tiefling, a much larger one at that. He's not part of the refugees, as he hasn't even seen him around until now. Did he just arrive here?

This one isn't that much taller than he is, only by a few inches; but hells, his mass absolutely dwarfs his own. A fighter most likely, or even worse, a barbarian. It doesn't matter which one he may be, he looks like an idiot that isn't worth his precious time.

"We should stand by our people. You know no one else will." He says lowly, giving a knowing look of both annoyance and sadness.

He loathes that look. He’s never wanted to blast someone more than in this moment. How dare he look at him as if he was some child throwing a tantrum?

"This isn't Elturel, and I'm not responsible for every damn tiefling in the world!" He exclaims, almost furious.

Lia pokes him harshly in the chest with her pointer finger, and he has to suppress a wince. "Just be responsible for yourself, then! We have to stay; it's the right thing to do."

He hates that fucking tiefling even more now. Not only has he butted into his family affairs, but now he turned his sister- Lia, even more against him. For once, why can't things go his way? Why do they not listen to him?

When did they stop listening to him?

"Zurgan. Fine! We'll stay. If we survive, it'll make for a good story, I suppose." He airs, rubbing a finger to his temple as he feels a headache form there.

For the first time in a long time, Lia gives him a genuine smile, putting a hand on his arm and squeezing. "Thank you, Rolan.” She says sincerely.

Cal now takes the calm moment to usher the two further into the grove, seeming to want to get away from the entranceway as soon as possible; for once, Rolan lets him. He doesn't pay any mind to the strange looks they get by going further into the grove with the other refugees, and he certainly doesn't pay any mind to the oaf of a tiefling that they left standing there by himself.

He decides he hates that man, and he pisses him off to no end.

"How long until Rolan shows off his Thunderwave?" Cal asks as they settle down near an old human woman's tent, who seems to be organizing some herbs in her storage crate. Something is off about her, but Rolan can’t put his finger on it. Either way, it doesn’t matter.

Lia snickers at that moment, crossing her arms over her chest. "Depends, how many people are dumb enough to ask?"

"Hah! True."

Rolan rolls his eyes, trying to dust off the dirt on his robes. He hates the smell of this damned grove, it stinks. Is he truly supposed to arrive to Lorroakan with his clothes smelling like this? He'll have to burn them, no question.

"Don't be grumpy, Rolan. We'll get to the city soon." Cal chirps, bumping his shoulder with his own.

"I am not grumpy."

"The scowl on your face would frighten a troll."

Despite the foul move he's in, he smiles at his little brother. "Heh. You're an idiot."

-----

It's been days, and that tiefling is still here.

He's heard about his many exploits; saving one of the children the druids held hostage, saving another orphan child from a group of relentless harpies, getting their money back from that tiefling brat with the eyepatch, and slaughtering Kagha. Emphasis on slaughtering.

When he came out of that grove where the ritual had stopped, he saw the amount of blood that was covering the large man. None of it was his own, he realized. The man barely had a scratch on him and seemed proud when exiting.

He caught himself staring at him many times, watching how the muscles stretched across his skin, seeing all the little imperfections. Scars, beauty spots, all the like. He internally curses himself and looks away when he feels his face growing hot.

Paying back attention to his siblings, he notices how Cal stares at the blacksmith across the way, rubbing his hands absentmindedly as he thinks of something.

"You shouldn't waste precious time on distractions. We need to head to Baldur's gate after this goblin fiasco is over." He remarks, getting up and brushing off dirt.

"Rolan." Lia warns, but he ignores her and walks away with a roll of his eyes. They need supplies, so he will go get them if they are too lazy to do so.

And, of course, the oaf is already buying them off of one of the druids. Damn it all!

"Need something?" He asks, inspecting him as if Rolan was much shorter than him.

He scoffs, even more irritated than he was originally, "I was in need of potions, but it seems you got them all already."

"What did you need?"

"It doesn't matter, you beat me to it!” He instinctively snaps, briefly pinching the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. “Bloody health potions are so short of stock these days-"

Wordlessly, the man puts three large health potions into his arms, which, for once, renders Rolan speechless. He doesn’t even remember the original tangent he was about to go one. Something about price inflation, probably.

Staring down at the red potions in his arms, he snaps back into reality when he speaks again. "You three need it more than I do. I, at least, have a healer."

He sneers at him, gripping the potions tight. "So what, you look down on us?”

"Not at all."

"We are not charity cases,”He almost growls, baring his teeth. “What is your game here?"

"…Can I tell you a secret?"

Why is this his life? How did everything turn out this way? Why is he even entertaining this fool??

After a bit of contemplating his life choices, he finally responds. "What?"

The tiefling suddenly leans in to put his mouth near his ear, and gods he's so close. Tav was his name, wasn't it? He heard it in passing by one of his group mates. Balsam, rogue's morsel, and acorn truffle are what he smells on him, a strong scent that is surprisingly pleasant- gods, what is he thinking?! Feeling his face starting to heat up, he tries to take a step back, but Tav stills him with a hand on the back of his neck. It makes his breath catch in his throat.

Finally, Tav whispers to him, "I'm just being nice."

Tav pulls away, leaving Rolan completely dumbfounded as he continues. "I'm not trying to look down on you or be a pest, I just think you need the potions more than I do. Cause gods forbid these fucking druids try and help out people who need it." He spits with a roll of his eyes, staring directly at the Druid that was still besides them through this entire ordeal. He looks uncomfortable.

"Well, that is shockingly intelligent of you." He huffs, hoping the jab aggravated him. "Although, aren't you fighting a swarm of Goblins out there?"

"I am, but bold of you to assume they hit hard enough to hurt me." Before he could come up with another insult for his remark, Tav interjected. "Anyways, I have to return to my camp as it is getting late. Good luck to you and your siblings. Cal and Lia, right?"

He didn't have the chance to respond before the idiot sauntered off, back outside the grove. Great, now he's indebted to the bastard. Slowly, he stalks back into the grove, tying the potions to his belt as he does so.

-----

Some panic swept across the grove when people realized the goblin army planned to raid it for all it was worth. He's heard so many horror stories of slaughtered tieflings, their enemies sawing off their horns to keep as trophies or as foghorns.

If they think they could do the same to his family, they are sorely mistaken.

As others run and hide in Zevlor's war room, others stay to help fight, including himself. But, once again, the three of them can't stop arguing about their positions; he can tell Cal is getting pissed off, but so is he.

"I'm telling you to stay back. My Thunderwave will make short of any goblin that dares to come close. If you two are in the way, I'll knock you both over!"

"And I'm telling you to just get behind us! Spellcasters can't take a punch or a blade!" Lia shouts.

"Can we not argue over this? Please? How about we all line up together?"

"No." They both state and Cal immediately shuts up.

"Wow, you three must love each other very much." A familiar voice says sarcastically.

He grits his teeth and turns towards Tav. "Oh, piss off you oafish-"

"Wait! Wait, maybe Tav can help us out. Figure out positioning and whatnot?" Cal suggests quickly.

"Great idea Cal! Let's ask the professional harpy slayer."

Tav looks at them all, seeming to take in the equipment and weapons that they have on hand. In all honesty, Rolan didn't even think Tav could think.

Suddenly, Tav grabs Cal and moves him to the front, and in the next moment, he gently moves Lia to the back, leaving Rolan in the middle. "There. That's a good positioning."

"See? Easy!" Cal says cheerfully. "Now can we just-"

"Why can’t I be in the front with Cal?”

“Lia come on-“

“I want to be able to help out!”

Tav yawns briefly before explaining, "You will be helping, a lot. Both of you and Rolan are range users. You will hit goblins better by staying in the back where you'll be more effective. Cal here is in melee, with both a pike and a shield. He can protect you both and be your frontliner, while at the same time, you two cover his blind spot. Although, alternatively, you two could be next to each other, but stay behind him."

Rolan blinks slowly, processing the logic behind it. Damn it all, it's incredibly smart. Maybe Tav isn’t an idiot.

"There, good enough explanation?" He asks.

"It's great! Thank you, sincerely." Lia says, patting Tav's shoulder.

"…You're welcome." He pauses before putting a hand into his bag. "We'll kill those bastards out there, no doubt. But I would feel better if you all have this just in case."

Taking out a bright scroll, he holds it out to the three of them to take. Rolan instantly recognized it, especially with the unique binding on it.

A Resurrection Scroll.

Lia is the first to react and take it. "We won't need this, but thank you! Doesn't hurt to have a backup plan if things go wrong."

"I'll make sure it goes smoothly." He reassures, cracking his knuckles.

"What do you have planned, anyway?" Cal wonders aloud.

"I stole a bunch of smoke powder barrels in their camp and set them up along the perimeter. Anyways, they could be here any moment. Stay vigilant. If all goes super well, you won't even have to fight."

-----

They feel the explosions before they hear it. A deep rumbling in the ground that shakes them, awake and alert. There are so many of them that go off after the first one, like a domino effect. How many barrels could Tav have possibly gotten his hands on??

Unfortunately, those explosions didn’t stop a giant spider and some goblins from coming in.

Goblins were easy. He made quick work of them with his thunderwave, blasting them back into the stone wall. Though with his distraction of mentally stroking his own ego, he didn’t see the giant spider coming up until Cal quickly got to his side, blocking its oncoming fangs with his shield, the force of the bite splintering the wood.

His eyes widen, and he blasts a magic missile at the spider right as Lia shoots an arrow into one of its eyes. It screeches in pain, but it’s stubborn in its conviction. It lunges, and Cal cries out when it tears into his arm, trying to rip off his flesh.

Rolan shoots off another thunderwave in his anger and panic, killing the spider in an instant. He watches some of the legs get cut clean off, the body flying and crashing into some crates, destroying them, and its sickly green innards spilling onto the dirt floor. A disgusting sight, indeed.

“Cal!” Lia yells quickly, snapping Rolan back into reality and he quickly rushes over.

Cal is teary-eyed but tries to wave it off, even as Lia tries to get a better look. “I-I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Come here.” Rolan says maybe a little too harshly, making his brother sit down on a wayward crate and grabbing his elbow to hold it still.

“Rolan please-“

“You look close to crying! Just-“ He stops himself and takes a deep breath, eyes meeting his. “Let me help. Please.”

Cal sighs shakily but nods, letting his arm be lifted for him and Lia to see.

It’s a deep injury, but nothing deathly serious. It looks painful. The spider managed to inject some kind of poison, but Cal resisted whatever effect it could have taken.

Rolan takes out one of the health potions he’s received from Tav and carefully pours it over the injury, and it slowly seals the wound. No scar is left behind, surprisingly enough.

“Does it hurt?” Lia gently presses.

“Not anymore. Thanks, Rolan.”

He wants to yell at him so badly, the argument already bubbling up his throat. Why wasn’t he more careful? Why did he jump towards his side so quickly? He had it handled! He’s supposed to protect him, not the other way around.

Instead, he settles on, “You’re welcome.”

Knowing it’s safer, Cal leans against him quietly, and Rolan carefully holds him with Lia. It wasn’t even a close call, but it’s clear Cal needed some comfort.

No more enemies come through. There were no casualties, either.

Zevlor ends up making a speech at the gate when they check out the damage, and he’s sure others are inspired, but he’s barely paying attention to it. He doesn’t care, in all honestly. He wants to leave this fucking grove and never look back; it is by far the worst place they’ve ever stayed in, second to Avernus. Though, he might be being dramatic.

He found himself looking around for Tav, but he didn’t see him anywhere. Why was he looking for him, anyway?

When he finally spots him, he shouldn’t be shocked by the amount of gore he’s covered in, but he is. He’s completely drenched in blood, whether from the goblins or the Drow leading them. Some of it was his own since he spots injuries littering his frame. 

He shakes his head and straightens up, shifting his attention to his siblings and ignoring the warmth growing in his cheeks. “Now that this fiasco is over, we will head to Baldur’s Gate.”

“Are you serious Rolan?! Come on, there’s going to be a party!” Lia complains, bumping her hip with his. “We have to go.”

“We don’t have time for parties! Lorroakan is waiting for me, I cannot be late.”

“What’s one party, Rolan? It’s just for a night. We need to rest anyways.” Cal says, looking around the other excited tieflings. When was the last time they saw a crowd of them so happy? He certainly doesn't remember, and it makes his original conviction crack a little.

“I will not-“

Cal takes hold of one of his arms, tugging him. “Please, Rolan? Just for tonight.”

“There’ll be free wine, provided by the heroes.” Lia sing-songs, leaning against him and almost making him stumble.

“…Free wine?” He questions, genuinely thinking about it.

“And free food,” Cal confirms.

Gods, he hates the pathetic puppy-dog eyes that they use. He can’t stand to look at their faces, and he hates it even more that he's falling for it, just as he always has.

He sighs heavily in defeat, head hanging a little low. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Cal cheers, giving him a tight hug.

To his surprise, Lia joins in, the both of them crushing him. “Thank you, Rolan!”

He rolls his eyes but lets a smile break through, even when he can hardly breathe. “All this over a party?”

“It’ll be fun! You’ll see!”

He smirks knowingly, finally separating from the two. “All right all right, I trust that this will be an exceptional occasion. I look forward to seeing you say you love me while drunk, Lia.”

"As if, brother."

It doesn’t take long for Tav to offer up his area with his party members, so they gather with the Tieflings and head to the camp. It doesn’t look like much, but it’s secluded at least.

That bard, Alfira, starts decorating the place in an instant; lantern lights go up, colorful ribbons decorate the trees, and boxes get moved to the side. Others help out, including Lia, but Rolan and Cal sit back and relax for the time being.

When the party finally starts, they pass wine between the three of them.

“Can you give us a magic show, Master Rolan?” She teases.

Rolan rolls his eyes playfully. “Already?”

“Oh! Can you make an owl bear?? Or a dragon!” Cal suggests, scooting forward more on the log.

He stretches out his arms in front of him, cracking his knuckles while doing so. "Patience! Have you no respect for showmanship?"

"Having performance issues Rolan?" Cal whisper-shouts playfully, and Rolan idly notices Tav approaching.

He turns his nose up high momentarily before holding his hands out. "Hush, you. And behold!"

It's a brief performance, but amazing nonetheless if he says so himself. He makes it look like stars that spark, fly, and explode into various lights. He has always been irritated he could never make it last long, but that is what his training will be for.

He looks over at Tav as soon as he claps, seeing the way his eyes glide over the lights. His face doesn’t change in the slightest, so he can’t tell if his clapping is meant to be some sort of taunt or if he’s genuine.

Either way, he does a dramatic bow. "Adoring applause? You're too kind."

"Remember when he couldn't cast that?" Lia teases.

"They grow up so fast," Cal states.

"Never have I met such troglodytes. Now, pass the wine." Rolan demands, but a content smile is plastered on his face.

It seems Lia was about to offer Tav some of it, but when she and Rolan turn towards him, he’s already gone.

“Looks like he already got bored of you.” Lia sings to him.

“Oh hush up.” He huffs, snatching the wine bottle and taking a long drink.

He will never admit how much that comment stung. He doesn’t know why he was so bothered by it in the first place. There are many possibilities he goes over as he feels the alcohol give him a pleasant buzz; was it her wording, or was it the fact that Tav disappeared without a word? Did he get bored? 

Whatever, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care what that man thinks of him. He swears he doesn’t.

Later in the night, he drank- no, chugged wine while Cal and Lia chatted with the other tieflings partying. As much as he loved to perform for them both, even someone as great as he gets tired after using a bunch of magic in rapid succession. 

The wine wasn’t good; nothing compares to Arabellan Dry, but what else was there to drink? He refuses to partake in ale or beer, he never found the appeal of it. Honestly, it’s disgusting, and he doesn’t understand why Lia likes it so much. Cal seems to be looking for someone in particular but isn't finding them. He looks disappointed.

As he wonders about Cal and debates checking in on him, he doesn’t notice the brute approaching him until his giant form sits next to him with his own alcohol, the bark of the fallen tree groaning from the extra weight. He covers up how it startled him quickly, tilting his head up towards the brute with a bored expression.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. I’m here to drink.” He says nonchalantly, sipping on the wine bottle. “Impressive display of magic earlier.”

His nose scrunches up, yellow eyes settling on his flaming ones with a glare. “Was that sarcasm?”

“No. Are you self-taught?”

Of all the things he expected tonight, it wasn’t this. Tav, a person who hits things and asks questions later, is curious about him? He wonders if he has an ulterior motive.

He pushes the thought to the back burner of his brain for now but approaches the conversation cautiously. “I am! And a man with many talents, may I add. I’m going straight to Baldur’s Gate to learn from the best: The Great Lorroakan.”

He sees the imposing Tiefling roll his eyes, putting his bottle down to stare out at the water surrounding the camp. Tav looks a little different, in the moonlight. Seeing him up close is a different experience entirely, and now he can see every little detail about him, including how he was shirtless-

Wait, did he just roll his eyes?

“What?” He demands, posture straightening as he grows defensive.

“Nothing. Just heard he’s a cad is all.” He mutters, deciding to pick the bottle back up and taking a long swig.

“Common gossip and rumors! He’s the greatest wizard in all of Baldur’s Gate. I’ve never imagined he would answer my letters.” He states with a happy sigh, idly swirling the liquid in his bottle. “I will become his apprentice as soon as I arrive. I cannot be late, yet Cal and Lia insist that this party is a wonderful idea. An adoring crowd, fine wine - I daresay this place is almost civilized.”

“Do you regret staying?”

“Of course I do. But Cal and Lia…” He trails off for only a moment but snaps back to it. “They deserve to have some fun for a little while. We’ll leave at dawn, either way.”

The Tiefling stares at him for a moment, seeming to be searching his face. For what, Rolan had no idea. Some kind of lie, perhaps?

“All right then. Good luck to you.” Tav eventually settles on.

“…That’s it??” He exasperates.

“If you’re looking for someone to argue with, find someone else.”

“You-“

“You talk too much.”

He settles a death glare on Tav's form. “Prick.”

Tav slowly looks at him with his own glare, determined to play his game. “Entitled fuck.”

“Dumb oaf.”

“Prickly bastard.”

They both stare each other down, faces too close but neither of them breaks their stare. He feels Tav's hot breath ghosting over his lips, and the tension could be cut with a knife.

“You’re insufferable.” Tav huffs, suddenly gripping Rolan’s jaw and kissing him firmly.

He moans in surprise at the force but isn’t against it. In fact, his face gets incredibly red before he remembers he can kiss back.

It’s not like this is his first kiss. He’s given and received kisses before, he’s not some kind of reserved prude. But this is the first one that’s so heavy. Hot. He’s completely out of practice and can do nothing but grip Tav's thicker forearm.

Something about being desirable to Tav makes him throb in his pants, though it also may be the way Tav's tongue is tracing his bottom lip, seeking entry.

Tav's free hand trails to his rear and squeezes, making him inhale sharply; a perfect opportunity for Tav to slide his tongue in to taste him. He knows he's losing his composure and by extension, himself, but what's the harm in indulging in this? It's pathetic, but he's never felt so desired up until this moment, even if this ends up being a fling.

Why did the thought of this being a fling make him feel hollow?

He pulls away to give himself space and to breathe, but Tav doesn't pause, kissing along his jaw and ear. "My tent is west of here if you're interested. No one will hear us."

He shudders at the feeling of sharp teeth grazing the edge of his ear, teasing and provoking. Swallowing, he nods, and Tav pulls him away from the party towards a more secluded part of the area. He hopes that Lia and Cal didn't see him, but they most likely did. He’ll never hear the end of it when he returns.

Almost clumsily, Rolan finds himself in Tav’s tent quickly after, their kissing getting more heated between them. It was a strange feeling, exchanging breaths with someone else, but it felt good. Better than he thought.

They settle down on the floor of the tent, him sitting in Tav’s lap as they continue their make-out. Their tongues dance almost…lovingly. No, he can’t be reading into it right. They barely know each other; he's overthinking again.

He feels his large hands attempting to find the hem of his robes, and he seems to find it quickly as if from experience. Fingers start to dance across the bare skin of his back, running up the ridges of his spine. He sighs out shakily, goosebumps prickling out as his tail anxiously flicks about. Nerves hit him like a loose carriage, fast and suddenly, settling into the pit of his stomach. He felt cold, heart racing a mile a minute.

Why? This was good. Everything was good. This was supposed to feel good.

Why isn’t it?

He’ll give it time. It’s normal to be nervous about this kind of thing, right? Most definitely his lack of experience is a contributor, and doesn’t he deserve this after all his hardship? What’s the harm in pleasure for at least a night.

He feels his back hit the bedroll, warm calloused hands trailing over to the front of his body instead. Their kisses were feverish, desperate, and pent-up. All Rolan could do was grip the bedding below him as nails teased the textured skin of his sternum, a hand rolling a nipple between two fingers.

Tav’s lips go to his neck, finger tips trailing teasingly down his stomach before he begins to palm at his crotch through his smalls-

He can’t do it.

A cold sweat beads on the back of Rolan’s neck, panic and bile rising in his throat as it closes. He can’t do it, and he quickly grabs Tav’s arm with a death grip with wide eyes. “W-Wait, stop!”

Tav immediately gets his hands off of him, giving him space to move. His head reels from the sudden adrenaline, but also because Tav’s stoic demeanor is no longer present, and the man genuinely looks concerned. Fearful, even. “Did I hurt you?”

“No! No.” He reassures quickly, but his vulnerable mind is scattered and unfocused as he sits up.

There’s so many reasons why he couldn’t do this, but he can’t pin one down. Surely, Tav deserves an explanation, so he rushes to think of one.

It’s too soon, he hasn’t done this before, and this isn’t the place for it, he’s not a degenerate, his siblings are nearby, Tav is too imposing, it might hurt, it’s too vulnerable, he’s never been with a man, he’s never been with anyone, this is the wrong place to do it, he’s a coward, he’s scared-

“I can’t.” He grimaces, with no actual reason good enough to say out loud. Part of him is worried about what Tav would say; would he be upset with him? On one hand, if he does, Rolan knows that Tav was never worth his time. But on the other, he found Tav not as insufferable as he thought, and he may have just ruined the strange bond they made by stopping everything. Gods, he is pathetic, isn’t he?

Tav sighs slowly in relief, sitting back. “That’s okay.”

It’s not good enough, not for Rolan. As a wizard, he demands answers for a multitude of reasons when things happen. It’s only fair that he gives an explanation, is it not? Finally, he pins down a reason he could give: he doesn’t want to do it after having so much wine. There, that should do it.

Before he could start his tangent, he felt a hand cover his mouth.

“I don’t need a reason. It’s okay.”

He’s about to argue, completely insulted, but it gets muffled by the hand on his mouth.

“You don’t ever have to explain to me why you want to stop.” He says, finally moving his hand away. “I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t say no to me earlier.”

“I did want it.” He assured quickly, because he did. He truly did. Why did he panic?

“But you changed your mind.” He began, not unkindly.

“I did.”

“That’s fine.” He says with a small shrug. “If you want, we can keep kissing. Nothing further than that.”

He laughs in disbelief, running a hand down his sweaty face. “And why would we do that?”

“Doesn’t hurt to have company for a night. Besides-“ He gently takes hold of his chin, tilting his face up. “You seemed to enjoy what we were doing. Why not indulge? Just for one night.”

He smirks up at him, leaning forward with false confidence. “Am I that irresistible?”

“You have a pretty face.” He noted, swiping his thumb across his kiss-bruised lip before kissing him again.

The kiss is lazy and less heated, but it makes his heart pound all the same. Being held so tenderly is new, and he’s growing attached.

He cannot have attachments. What is he thinking? 

After kissing for a little longer, he lets himself be held in the bedroll as they lay down, indulging in the quiet night with Tav. They didn’t need to discuss what happened or question it. It’s exchanging favors. For Rolan, it’s just wanting the comfort of another body near him, letting him pretend that he’ll have something like this in the future. One day, he’ll be good enough for someone. He’s not sure what this does for Tav exactly, but he seems content to hold him.

“You can ask for more if you’d like.”

“I’d rather not embarrass myself more than I already have.” He barks before glancing at him in apology, eyes softer.

“Would it help if I said I will keep my mouth shut about this?” Tav suggested, pushing some hair away from his face.

He shifts to glance at his face, seeing if he is genuine. He can never read his face that well, but when he makes his judgment, he sighs and takes one of Tav’s hands, lacing his fingers through his.

“This is pathetic, I know.”

“I don’t think it’s pathetic.” He mumbles, squeezing his hand. “This is nice for me, too.”

Rolan feels himself relax more, body almost relieved that this hasn’t been rejected.

“What will you do, when you finally get your apprenticeship figured out?” Tav asks in the quiet.

“I’ll learn everything I can about all schools of magic. Then I can put on a real show for Cal and Lia.”

“They seem to love your shows already, why change them?”

“It’ll be different.” He pledged, “Bigger, better, and more sustainable. I’ll make them last so much longer, I’ll bring it more colors, and the illusion will look realistic. You will see.”

“I’m sure they’ll be great.” He yawns, nuzzling into the back of his neck.

“I will show you when you reach to Baldur’s Gate, my friend.”

There’s no response, only a quiet snore greets him. At first, he’s annoyed, but it’s hard to be angry when he is just as exhausted from today. For now, he falls asleep in his arms, hoping that for once no nightmares haunt him.

The Tiefling beside him is still fast asleep when he wakes at dawn, though he’s impressed by how the man can sleep through the screeching birds outside.

Quickly, he fixes his robes and hair, trying to not look like a mess. Cal and Lia are surely going to tease him, knowing he never returned to their tent. He debates on whether to wake the idiot up to say goodbye, but that seems foolish. He needs to sleep, and they need to head to Baldur’s gate immediately.

So he opens the tent, sparing one more look back before leaving.

He cannot create attachments. Not now, not ever. Not until he’s done with his apprenticeship.

[arcadekitten]

Arcade! As someone who also has OCD (and autism, but thats besides the point), I just want you to know that it DOES get better! I dont know if thats the only issue youve been dealing with lately (other than the computer one), but I just want you to know that you *can* definitely take a break and that it WILL get better <3 And dont worry about your patrons at all, we're much more worried with your mental state than with our rewards! <3

This message is so sweet of you it genuinely brings a tear to my eye, thank you ♡

I've definitely got a lot of stuff to sort through on my plate right now, while the OCD is definitely a big contributer to all of this I (and people i trust) also think I had a lot of stuff piling up for a while and it kinda became a whole "straw that broke the camel's back" ordeal. Just one of those unfortunate situations where I always tried to look for help but couldn't receive it until it actually became an emergency. (Don't recommend that btw--if you need help then keep pushing for it until you get it)

It really does mean a lot to hear you say though. I feel bad for feeling bad because I care about you guys and especially the ones going out of their way to pay me! I have always been met with so much kindness and generosity and I feel terrible when I can't provide for those who have showed so much love for the things I make! It can be hard not to be impatient with myself because I love making my art and games and I love when I get to share them with you all and seeing the joy you get from them, and I'm sad when I can't do that and I feel bad for you guys when I can't do that!

Luckily though I'm finally receiving much-needed mental health services. I'm still just only beginning but I'm at least seeing the tiniest slivers of progress and it makes me hopeful, at least for today.

I do intend to take the rest and recovery I need, but I will still be excited for whenever I get back to the usual fun we have around here. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and incredibly supportive words. They mean so so much more to me than you could ever know ♡♡♡