#but kyle has decided she's not only tolerable

[tea-time-terrier]

Pichael is a big cuddler with people and won't move if another creature comes to cuddle (kyle) but I think the only ones she's ever chosen to cuddle on occasion are her brittanies <3

[sashkapi]

What are your headcanons regarding Kyle and Jackie? I think it’s great that they were shown as friends in that particular episode.

Furthermore, why did you decide to alter your Kick Buttowski design? I don’t mind it, in fact, I think it looks really great, but I thought the previous one was fantastic.

To anwser latter first: Mostly because I missed his giant stupid collar (affectionate). Additionally, I felt like I kinda failed to make him look older in the previous design (he is supposed to be 15-ish) and I didn't like the silhouette that much so yeah.

My previous design is still "canon" in my interpretation, tho. It's his emo phase jgjkskfkd

OH YEAH, FERAL GREMLINS HEADCANONS LES GO

(Combining the two)

1. After some time Kyle's family moved in in the Mellowbrook, much to Kick's disdain. He lives on the other side of the city and goes to a different school but his visits are much more frequent now.

2. Jackie’s parrot name is "Captain SKKBRM". The last part is composed of first letters of her idols. And yes, there is a reason S comes before K. 

3. Jackie is low-key Kyle's translator. If Kyle has to say something important he goes so far off-topic with a verbal version of "wall of text" so the important part kinda gets lost. Jackie, however, can listen to him about the time he tried to tame a raccoon and say "Oh, so tomorrow's event is gonna start an hour early! Got it!"

4. Kick did talk to them about his boundaries and they more or less respected them, which allowed both Jackie and Kyle to hang out with him more often without Kick trying to escape. They're still wacky weirdos, but at least Kick tolerates them, so there's progress. 

5. While Kick tolerates them, Gunther is actually their friend. Gunther also still thinks they're wack, but to him, they're more of a "funny kind of wack". Also, they are just as casually dramatic as Gunther, so you know they would get along.

6. They have a private weekly game of "Who got more trivia about Kick". They're neck in neck in it most of the time.

7. Kyle and Ronaldo met only once and Ronaldo’s take away from that encounter is "Buttowskis must be studied in a lab. What is wrong with this family?"

8. They are besties your honor. That's it.

9. Kyle has ADHD. He was diagnosed pretty recently, and it changed the way he is treated by his close and extended family. Whenever Kyle isn't with Jackie - Kick is just way more chill and mellow with him and would hang out with him if Kyle asks. While Brad and Brianna still don't like Kyle that much, they will give you a side eye if you try to insult him by pointing out how annoying and talkative he is. 

10. On that topic - Jackie is neurotypical. She IS just a weirdo. Her reaction to learning that Kyle has ADHD was "Who is Aydee and why are they HD? Is that a camera? DID YOU GET A CAMERA THAT CAN FINALLY CAPTURE HOW AWESOME KICK IS?!" 

After learning what ADHD is - literally nothing changed with Jackie and Kyle's friendship.

11. After a while Kyle got into sewing and knitting. It wasn't surprising for anyone. The boy loves puppets, and it was only a matter of time before he started making clothes for them. 

12. Jackie on the other hand enjoys carpentry when she's... Y'know... Not stalking Kick. She carves little puppets for Kyle sometimes too.

Yes, she did carve a wooden statue of Kick, why do you ask?

13. After Kick and Kendall started dating and Jackie started to consistently obsess over Kendall as well, Kyle was a bit worried. He really values Jackie as a friend and was afraid that their friendship is based on their obsession with his cousin, so Jackie getting a new idol made him worry.(Kyle knows Kendall and is neutral about her unlike Jackie) When it came to light, Jackie’s response to that "Dude, Kick's fan or not, you're my best friend! That's like, even better than being my idol!" 

They are weirdos and they will stick together your honor :)

14. Jackie’s dad is an absent dad. Jackie thinks that she doesn't have a dad, but it never bothers her that much. 

That is to say: her dad is a celebrity, and there's a reason Jackie’s mom really doesn't like Kick.

I love them ur honor

[coochiequeens]

Sure his wife endangers her health with extra pregnancies but the extra income is nice.

When his wife suggested being a surrogate, he was taken aback. After 3 pregnancies, he gets why she does it.

Pooja Mistry 

Nov 6, 2023, 7:50 AM EST

Kyle Hanson's wife told him during dinner that she was thinking about becoming a surrogate.

Initially he was very much against it, but he warmed up to the idea. 

Supporting his wife during her three surrogacies made him a better dad, he said.

Kyle Hanson went to dinner with his wife, his sister-in-law, and his sister-in-law's husband, in what he thought was just another family outing. Midway through the meal, his wife, Sunshine Hanson, said, "I'm thinking about being a surrogate."

Kyle Hanson's immediate reaction was confusion and shock. Though the couple had a colleague whose wife was a surrogate, he could not understand why his own wife would want to pursue a similar path.

He was against it initially

"When my wife first mentioned she wanted to be a surrogate, I thought she was nuts, and I was very much against it," Hanson told Insider.

Over time, Hanson started warming up to the idea and moving past his reservations, especially as he started to learn about the mental, physical, and emotional tolls this decision would take on his family.

"I talked to a lot of husbands whose wives are thinking about doing surrogacy, and they're initially really cold to the idea," he said. "Their biggest fear — and mine when I first was approached with the idea — is that being the husband of a surrogate will somehow make you less of a man."

It made him a better father

On the contrary, supporting his wife during her three surrogacy journeys helped him become a better father.

As a self-classified "nontraditional dad" who's parenting an adoptive daughter, his wife's son from a previous relationship, and that son's half sister, Hanson said he wanted his children to move past archaic notions of what a family unit "should" be.

"I now know that family is defined in multiple ways," Hanson added. "Being the husband of a surrogate has made me a 'superfather' who not only is raising my own family but also helping my wife create a family for someone else."

The couple have lost friends over surrogacy

Sunshine Hanson has had three separate surrogacies, resulting in a pair of twins for a gay Australian couple and two children for a heterosexual couple.

Some of the couple's conservative Christian friends and family decided to step away from their relationships with them after learning that Sunshine Hanson was a surrogate for a gay couple. The lack of tolerance by people he once considered close fueled Kyle Hanson to be more accepting and less judgmental. His perspective has shifted and he's an ally. He hopes he's a role model and that his children adopt the same views.

"As a Christian, I didn't have much exposure or understanding of the gay community," he said. "I went along with the process, and after meeting them, I thought that if anyone deserves these babies, it's them. They were the kindest people who made loving parents."

When asked whether he felt an attachment to any of the babies, he said he didn't. Instead, he believes that attachment forms when a person is deeply involved in the raising, nesting, and planning of that child's life and not limited to the physical birth, especially since his sperm was not used for the pregnancies, he said.

Surrogacy has helped them financially

Besides helping out families, Hanson said surrogacy had helped his family financially. Despite their steady jobs, their expenses were high, and surrogacy proved a helpful secondary stream of income. Now the couple have left those jobs to pursue an agency, Surrogacy Is, that matches surrogate candidates to partner agencies and assists prospective surrogates in making educated and safe choices about their journeys.

Hanson aspires to continue educating husbands and partners of surrogates to teach them patience, acceptance, and kindness for people struggling to have children with alternative methods.

"I'm a much, much better person having gone through these surrogacy journeys with my wife," he said. "We're closer. I already knew we were a great team, but this allowed us to show off how strong we were together."

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Lisa Needham at Public Notice:

It was likely only a matter of time before right-wing federal judges decided to weigh in on student protests over the ongoing slaughter of Palestinians. And, these judges being the reactionaries they are, their contribution to the discourse is not designed to provide solutions or even to advance a coherent worldview. Instead, it’s just some good old-fashioned hippie-punching. On Monday, 13 federal judges, led by Trump appointees James Ho of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals and Lisa Branch of the Eleventh Circuit, sent a letter to the president of Columbia University, Minouche Shafik. They stated they would no longer hire as law clerks anyone who attends Columbia University — the undergraduate and the law school — starting with the entering class of 2024. 

This isn’t the first time Ho and Branch have pulled this stunt. In the fall of 2022, they both declared they would no longer hire law clerks from Yale Law School after students disrupted speeches by right-wing speakers. In March 2023, they extended their boycott to Stanford after students heckled fellow Trump appointee Judge Kyle Duncan. This time around, they’re joined in the letter to Columbia by 11 other Trump-appointed judges (Alan Albright, David Counts, James W. Hendrix, Matthew J. Kacsmaryk, Jeremy D. Kernodle, Tilman E. Self III, Matthew H. Solomson, Brantley Starr, Drew B. Tipton, Daniel M. Traynor, and Stephen Alexander Vaden). The esteemed jurists have three demands for Columbia — but they don’t provide any facts, context, or legal reasoning to underpin them. At only two pages, this is a thin little screed, particularly given that fully one-third of a page is just the list of the judges’ names. 

[...]

Quixotically, the people who will be most hurt by this are conservative students. The progressive students out protesting right now don’t want to clerk for judges like this. Right-wing students who might have contemplated attending Columbia will presumably go elsewhere, meaning the viewpoint diversity the judges demand won’t happen either. When Judge Ho announced his Yale clerk boycott, a Yale student asked him exactly this: “How will we fix the culture of students … if all of the conservatives suddenly boycott Yale with the judges?” Ho didn’t have an answer, instead saying that “if someone has a better idea, I am all ears” and that “the objective is very simple, it’s to restore free speech.” These judges are only part of the current right-wing project to redefine free speech and tolerance as the absence of diversity. They’re joined by people like New York Republican Rep. Elise Stefanik, who has pushed the “great replacement theory” that Democrats are importing millions of undocumented immigrants to replace white voters. This is a theory endorsed by the marchers at Charlottesville and grounded in the antisemitic belief that Jews are behind the plan. These days, Stefanik is a self-styled protector of Jewish students, holding hearings to harangue university administrators over their ostensibly antisemitic behavior and celebrating when she gets them fired.

There’s also Christopher Rufo, who has helped with everything from destroying Florida’s public university system to ousting former Harvard president Claudine Gay. There’s former Trump senior advisor Stephen Miller, whose “America First Legal” law firm exists largely to file lawsuits to block any government initiative that attempts to redress historical wrongs against people of color. And there are any number of feckless state legislators who are eradicating all diversity initiatives in their states. At root, this is a profoundly cynical enterprise. None of this is borne out of concern for Jewish students. Rather, they serve as a convenient prop for the latest iteration of MAGA bombast. None of these people will ever confront the antisemitism at the core of their party and that Trump, their presumptive presidential nominee, has a decades-long history of stoking. These judges will continue to use their lifetime appointments to roll back rights for everyone they don’t like and they will continue to demand that schools show them fealty. Meanwhile, the students they loathe will continue to risk their safety and their future by standing in solidarity with people thousands of miles away. The kids, as they say, are alright.   

13 right-wing judicial activists serving on various federal courts sent a letter to Columbia University’s scandal-tarred President Minouche Shafik that they will not hire any Columbia attender for law clerk positions in the future as part of the overblown right-wing moral panic about antisemitism on college campuses.

[troublcmakcrs]

   “Yeah, that’s true…” Tweek says.  He knows all about gaslighting, the actual shit, not the way people have watered down the word to simply mean ‘lying.’  His parents were the king and queen of that, having him fooled about what was really in their coffee for over a decade.  They were almost constantly making him question what was real but then telling him he shouldn’t act too noticeably crazy about it, or bad things would happen.  It was a cycle of riling him up about the state of the world before pacifying him, leaving him in a paralyzing state of confusion that made it impossible for him to get too comfortable anywhere.

   Things are a bit better for him now, though.  While much of his life is still ruled by chaos, he has picked up a few routines, a friend and a handful of tolerable acquaintances.  He can at least convince himself for a couple hours that he is not under attack, which is quite a bit different from his childhood.  These newfound minor stabilities might help defend him against behavior reminiscent of his parents, but who can say?

   “Nobody wants to believe they did anything wrong… that they m-might not be the good guy to someone else.”  Both Kyle and Stan had problems with that, to Tweek’s knowledge, never wanting to admit that they might be the issues here.  He still cares for them in some way, but they are… a lot, and he knows more or less what to expect from them.  “Sometimes, I wonder if they’re so convincing because they believe it themselves.  Not always, but…”  His parents definitely knew what they were doing the whole while, but he was doubts about the others.  Maybe that’s stupid of him.  “Either fucking way, I’m probably gonna end up talking to brick walls.  I won’t b-believe them,” he promises, “but I’ll probably get r-real pissed that they lied to me.”

   Heidi’s relationship with Cartman was probably the only one fucked up enough to rival his with Craig.  “Yeah… she was messed up for a pretty long time after.”  She probably still is to an extent because you don’t just get over that so easily.  “She’s doing better now, though, last I heard, which is good… gotten a lot of her zeal back.”  It is not quite the same bubbliness that it used today, but you can tell that she is mostly happy.

   “I’m glad Red is realizing some things, too.  Good for her.”  He has recently come to like Bebe a bit, but he can see why people wouldn’t.  She is one of Tweek’s shakier acquaintances these days.

   “I think you give good advice, though.”  Maybe some of it is a bit lacking, but it’s still, for the most part, the best he has ever received.  “You’re right, anyway.  I t-tend to shut people out because I wanna keep control of myself…”  Not that an addict really can, but the illusion is nice.  “But deciding who to let in isn’t giving that up at all, is it?”

   Honestly, he wouldn't even blame Tweek for that one for multiple reasons. You either become fucked up or stop caring after a while, and he's sure that's how it is here too. Not to mention Kevin's not really sure on it considering the moment he hears more from others around he'd probably want to bail even quicker.

   His frown is quickly replaced with his usual smile, however. It's nice to see that Tweek's planning on sticking up for himself regarding that. Kevin knows full well it'll be difficult most likely, it took him awhile to do the same at first since he used to just accept how he was treated a lot by the others.

" They'll probably give you a hard time about it, but just stick to it even if they make it sound like they're right. "

   Technically, that's called gaslighting, but Kevin usually tries to avoid that word for his own reasons.

   There's a brief ' hmm ' as he thinks for a moment, Tweek's not wrong, but he doesn't get involved with Red's relationship with the girls. He stopped some time after they tried to get her to break up with him for some bullshit he likes to forget.

" Guess you have a point there. Red got like that at some point too. But it's good to hear that she's focusing on healing. The little I did hear about her was back when we were kids, and she wasn't doing so well because of .. well .. Cartman. "

   His nose briefly scrunches up before he adjusts his glasses with his free hand since it had caused them to slide down a bit. The less he talked about that one, the better.

" I don't think anyone's perfect at balancing everything, or if they are they worked to get there. At least you know that, which is a good start, some people don't even figure any of that out. Why not try to give yourself a boundary or something? Put a few things over the line that you're okay with getting help for, or just one thing at a time and slowly build what you're comfortable with. I'm sure there are also other solutions but I'm not exactly good at that kind of advice since I tend to just go about it naturally. "

[pastelwitchling]

Somebody to You (1/4)

Chapter 1. Hidden Feelings

Alex Manes is Michael's best friend in the entire world. His platonic soulmate, in fact. That's why, when Michael discovers that Alex is in love with him, he panics. Rather than risk the loss of his friendship, Michael begs his brother Max to date Alex instead, and divert his affections. Though hesitant at first, Max agrees for the sake of helping his brother. But what happens when Max realizes that there is more to Alex than he first thought? Romance ensues, and as Max and Alex become closer, Max realizes that what had started as a favor to Michael has turned all too real. The only problem is that Michael never expected Max to actually fall in love. Can Max stay with Alex knowing that their beginning is based on the worst kind of betrayal?

               High school was hard enough without your best friend falling in love with you.

               Not that there was anything wrong with Alex Manes, guys and girls both had to admit he was pretty to look at, but he was Michael’s best friend. When he’d first come out to him last year, Michael had very pointedly not teased the question, You don’t have a crush on me, do you?

               Now, he didn’t know whether or not that had been the right move. If he’d asked, would Alex have blushed and given himself away? Or would he have been insulted? Or would he have rolled his eyes at the question like he did any time Michael said something stupid?

               Maybe if he’d asked, he wouldn’t have found out by accidentally eavesdropping on Alex’s private conversation with Liz. Maybe he wouldn’t have heard Alex’s tears, heard his voice as strung out as it had been, fueled by exhaustion and fear.

               “What if he doesn’t say no?” Liz tried, the words more a plea than an actual consideration to Michael’s ears. He could hear her desperate desire for her own words to be true, and the resignation in the knowledge that they weren’t. “What if he likes you back?”

               “He won’t,” Alex cried, and made Michael’s grip on the music room door handle tighten. “He’ll never talk to me again.”

               “Michael loves you,” Liz insisted. “He’ll love you even if you want something more. Look,” she was speaking more quickly now, “maybe if you tell him, you’ll feel better. Right? That’s why you’re crying, isn’t it? It’s just another huge weight on your shoulders, but if he knows that you’ve loved him since middle school, then – then maybe at least he’ll stop rubbing his one-night stands in your face!”

               She sounded furious at the mention of it. Michael thought about the last blonde, nameless girl he’d had two nights ago, the way he’d latched to Alex’s back the next day, eager to tell him all about it. The way Alex, the dark circles around his eyes darker for reasons other than the eyeliner, had shrugged him off and murmured some excuse about getting to class.

               Shame swelled in his chest until he realized he had nothing to be guilty for. He hadn’t known Alex had feelings for him!

               Oh god, he realized. Alex had feelings for him. His best friend – no, best friend wasn’t enough to describe what Alex was. His soulmate, the very half of his heart, wanted more than friendship from him.

               He swallowed, about to walk away. He shouldn’t be hearing any of this. He shouldn’t know any of it. Then –

               “No,” Alex said. “No, I’m just – I’m just tired.” He sniffled, and Michael imagined him roughly wiping his face with his sleeves. “I don’t want him to know.”

               “Alex –”

               “No, Liz,” he said more sternly, more afraid. “I don’t want him to know. You . . . when I told you, you promised you’d never tell him. You’re not going to –”

               “No,” she breathed, appalled. “No, of course not. I’d never do that.”

               “I know,” he said quietly. “I just . . . please, you can’t say stuff like that. It – I can’t – if he finds out –”

               “Hey,” Liz said softly. “He won’t.”

               “I can’t lose him,” he said and sniffled. “I’m just . . . upset because of my dad. The last thing I want is for Michael to leave me because of a stupid crush.”

               A moment’s pause, then Liz tried, “Alex . . . it’s more than a crush.”

               “Please,” Alex pleaded. “Don’t tell him. I never want him to know.”

               “Okay,” Liz said, and Michael heard shuffling. He dared peek into the room and saw Alex there alongside the piano, his back to the door, Liz’s arms around his shoulders. Her eyes were closed, so she didn’t see Michael. “I promise, I’ll never tell him.”

               Alex hugged her waist, and his body sagged with exhaustion against her. He hummed, but his voice waivered, like he was trying not to cry again.

               Michael had left then, replaying everything he’d heard in his head. Alex liked him. No, Alex more than liked him. What was he supposed to do with that?

               This wasn’t like finding out the local gay guy had fantasies about him. This was finding out the guy he trusted more than anybody, the guy he cherished more than anybody, had feelings for him. It felt like a threat to their friendship.

               Michael slumped against the driver’s side of his truck, his backpack barely hanging off one hand. This was Alex. What was he supposed to do?

               Alex liked him. His response? He clenched his jaw. No fucking way. He didn’t want to be in a relationship with Alex. It was Alex. It wasn’t that he couldn’t see holding his hand and going on dates with him and he’d seen him in the locker rooms. It was no wonder the girls here had had a memorial when they’d found out the hot emo musician only wanted men . . .

               It didn’t matter. He didn’t want anything with Alex. He’d had too many one-night stands and too many nameless, faceless nobodies to know that love was only something that existed in his brother’s books. Getting intimate with someone meant risking losing them.

               He clenched his fists. He would’ve rather died than lose Alex. He opened his truck door and climbed inside. He gripped his steering wheel tightly, unable to start it for a good minute as an unidentified dread settled in the bottom of his chest and climbed up through his heart.

               When he parked in front of the junkyard where old man Sanders let him stay, and he found his brother Max sitting in a lawn chair, he understood what the dread was. It was the same thing he’d heard in Alex’s voice when it seemed like Liz might let his feelings for him slip; Raw fear.

               As he stepped out, millions of worst-case scenarios swarmed his mind. What if Alex decided to tell him the truth? What if he blurted it one day in a fight? What if they were so happy that Alex got the courage to kiss him? What if things ended terribly and they lost each other?

               Max raised a brow at him. “You look like hell. What happened?”

               Michael could only shake his head as he took the seat opposite Max. He was due to work in half an hour, but sometimes Sanders let him rest up if he’d had a long day. And those last few minutes overhearing what he had in the music room had officially made this the longest day ever.

               “Tell me something,” he sighed, leaning his head back and not at all paying attention to the dotted white clouds across the blue sky. “Anything.”

                “Okay?” Max said more in the form of a question. “I – uh – saw Liz today. In the music room. With Alex.”

               He groaned. “Anything else.”

               Max nudged his knee with the back of his hand. “Hey, what’s wrong with you? You look like someone just smashed your guitar.”

               My guitar. The guitar that Alex had given him because Michael had offhandedly mentioned once that music helped ease the noise in his mind. How had he not known then? Alex had paid such special attention to him. He had read his mind and known what his heart had wanted and given it to him when no one else bothered to look past the excitement of getting to rebel under the bleachers with the genius trailer trash.

               How had he not known?

               “I changed my mind,” he said. “Don’t speak. Just let me wallow.”

               “Huh,” Max said. “Isobel’s been a fortress since she joined the Spring Dance committee, and you’re busy falling into your own despair for whatever reason.” He pulled a little brown leather notebook out of his back pocket. “Do any of my siblings have time for me?”

               “I’m not falling into anything,” Michael grumbled. “Why do you have to get so poetic about . . . every . . . damn . . .” he trailed off, his eyes narrowing at the notebook. “Alex has that same notebook.”

               Max hummed noncommittally, leaning back in his seat again and resting the notebook on his lap as he began doodling a rose. “Different colors though,” he said. “His is black. They got mixed up last week when he and I bumped into each other in the school hallway.”

               An idea formed, somewhere in the back of his mind. Like water on ink; something definitely there, but unreadable. He leaned back again, wiping whatever the itch was from his eye.

               “I don’t want to think about Alex right now,” he muttered, though even as he said it, his thoughts taunted him. Alex was all he could think about right now.

               “Whoa,” Max blinked. Even he knew how much Alex and Michael treasured each other. Michael had never said he didn’t want to do something where Alex was concerned. “You guys have a fight or something?”

               “No,” Michael said, though a fight might’ve been easier to deal with. “I found out . . . I heard Liz say . . .” He huffed, closing his eyes. He blurted. “Alex is in love with me.”

               Silence. Michael opened his eyes and saw Max’s expression completely unsurprised. He looked like he was waiting for Michael to get to the point.

               He straightened. “Are you kidding me? You really knew?”

               Max scoffed. “You really didn’t?”

               “No!” he gaped and stood. “He’s my best friend, why would I think he was in love with me?!”

               “Because he’s your best friend.”

               “So?!”

               “So!” Max said like it was obvious. “Alex hates people! Liz and Kyle are his only friends, he barely tolerates me and Isobel, and Rosa Ortecho swears he hissed at her once!” He huffed a disbelieving chuckle. “Before you came along, Liz told me he never said two words to anybody he hadn’t known since before his mom left. You want to take a guess as to why he warmed up to you so quickly?”

               Michael didn’t answer. Max grabbed his arm. “And for the love of god, stop pacing, you’re making me nauseous.”

               He tugged him down onto the lawn chair, and Michael sagged against it. He stared into the distance, lost in his memories of his first meeting with Alex. Alex had been bullied, pushed into a tree and made fun of for stares and feelings he had yet to understand himself. Then Michael had jumped between him and the bullies, waving a tree branch, screaming at them to get away or he would kill them.

               It had been the wildness of his eyes and words, wildness he’d gained from years with monsters for parents, that had unnerved them in the end. Alex had taken his offered hand with wide eyes then, and timidly asked, “You’re not scared of me?”

               Michael had known then that this twelve-year-old had been told too often that he was something unnatural, something wrong, and was expecting it from someone else now. So he’d looked Alex over, as if checking for bruises, and rested the branch on his shoulder like it had been a bat.

               He’d grinned and said, “No fangs or a tail. You look fine to me!”

               After that moment, Alex had followed him everywhere, his eyes never anything less than adoring.

               Michael shut his eyes. How could he have not known?

               A buzzing against his thigh snapped him out of his thoughts, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Alex was calling.

               “Shit,” he leapt to his feet, holding the phone at a distance as if afraid that Alex could somehow see him through the camera. “Shit shit shit.”

               “What?” Max followed and his shoulders slumped at the sight of Alex’s name. “Dude, just answer. He doesn’t know you know, remember?”

               “Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, right, yeah.”

               “It’s still just Alex.”

               “Just Alex,” he repeated. “It’s just Alex.” He answered the call, held the phone to his ear, and all but yelled, “Hey!” He winced at himself and Max rolled his eyes.

               “Hey?” Alex asked, laughter in his voice. He didn’t sound like he’d just been crying his eyes out at all. Then it hit Michael. Alex was abused. He was used to hiding his scars. “Why’re you screaming?”

               “I’m not!” he said, then adjusted his volume with a clear of his throat. “I’m – uh – I’m not. What’s up?”

               He loves me. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

               Michael, so caught in the thought, completely missed what Alex had asked him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sorry,” he grit out, “say that again?”

               “Oh, I’m sorry, is the auto shop really busy right now?” Alex asked like he knew the answer. “Pay attention, Guerin, this is important!”

               Of course, Michael had ditched time and time again because they hardly had any cars in around now, and all Sanders did when he was an hour late was yell and grumble, then give him and Alex an extra plate of whatever he’d had for lunch.

               “I asked what time you were coming to my gig tonight,” he said, a little more hesitantly. When Michael didn’t answer, he cleared his throat. “At the – uh – the Wild Pony? Just so I can save you a seat.”

               Michael let his hand with the phone fall, his shoulders slumped. For years, he’d owed that nervous stammer in Alex’s voice, the way he went from confident to shy with just a second of Michael’s silence, to nerves about his gigs. Now he speculated it was because of something else.

               Damn it. He wished he’d never known about Alex’s feelings. He wished he could unhear everything.

               He realized Alex was talking again, and he held the phone to his ear.

               “If you can’t make it,” he was saying, “I get it, I just need to know for the seats, you know?”

               Michael had never canceled on Alex before, but Alex was a little sensitive where his music was concerned. Michael assumed it was because he had a father and brothers who belittled what he did every day, no matter how often Michael told him he loved his songs.

               He gripped the phone tightly. He wondered what Alex would do if he canceled on him now.

               “Michael,” Max mouthed, “talk to him.”

               “Guerin,” Alex huffed a laugh. It sounded forced. “Dude, it’s fine. It’s one gig, I think our friendship will survive.”

               Will it? Michael feared. Will it survive this, Alex? Will it survive feelings that friends shouldn’t have for each other? Will it survive if I can’t help but look into the double meaning of every word you say now?

               He felt oddly frustrated with Alex, like this was his fault somehow. Like he was singlehandedly destroying everything they’ve ever had by wanting more.

               “Is it another gig?” Max asked, nudging his elbow. “Will Liz be there? Ask him if Liz will be there.”

               Michael rolled his eyes, about to snap at his brother that this was not the time. Couldn’t he see that Michael was suffering some emotional turmoil over here?

               “Guerin,” Alex tried again. “Are you there?” He heard a sigh, and Alex mumbled, “Is the reception bad?”

               Michael hated this. He was starting to scare Alex, and it was the very last thing he wanted to do. Max was still asking about Liz, his notebook, just like Alex’s but a different color, in his hand, and Michael clenched his jaw. Max liked Liz, but it would be so much easier for everyone if . . . if . . .

               His eyes widened. The idea that had begun to sink below the depths of his mind surfaced now. Before he could make it out completely, he found himself saying, “Sorry, hang on a second, babe, my brother keeps trying to talk to me.”

               “Oh!” relief flooded Alex’s voice and he chuckled breathlessly. It sounded so much more real, and that hurt Michael all the more. “Yeah, sure! God, Michael, you freaked me out a second there. Yeah, take your time.”

               Michael covered the speaker on his phone and told Max quietly, “I need you to come to Alex’s gig with me.”

               Max’s eyes widened. “Liz will be there?”

               “Doesn’t matter,” Michael said. “I need you to ask out Alex.”

               Max stared a moment, then, “What?”

               Michael held up a finger to his brother and brightened his tone when he told Alex, “Hey, Alex, can I bring Max to your gig tonight?”

               “W-wait,” Max said, “Michael, what’d you mean, ask out Alex? Was that a joke?”

               Michael ignored him as Alex scoffed. “Sure. But you’re definitely coming, right? Because I was totally lying before. If you don’t make it, I’ll never talk to you again.”

               Michael smiled and almost said, Would I ever not show up for you?, realized how Alex might take it, and diverted at the last second.

               “Uh – yeah – see you tonight, then.”

               It was awkward and unnatural for them, but Alex hardly seemed to notice, lost in his own happiness, as he told Michael he’d see him tonight, and hung up.

               He barely met Max’s dark eyes and crossed arms when Max said, “No.”

               “Hear me out –”

               “If your next sentence doesn’t end with, ‘and then everyone will laugh, and it’ll totally take the edge off,’ I don’t want to hear it.”

               “One date!” he begged, following Max back to the chairs and their backpacks. “Just one! Consider it a birthday present to me! For the next five years – no, ten years!”

               “This isn’t a favor, Michael!” Max argued. “I’m not going to ask your best friend out just so you can avoid having to talk about this!”

               “But –”

               “Besides,” Max said, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, “I’m not gay or bisexual or pansexual or anything. He’d smell a fake a mile away.”

               “You’d totally pass for bisexual!” Michael argued. “Look at you” – he tapped Max’s arms, his chest, his notebook – “you have the whole muscly jock with a tender heart thing going on, come on!”

               Max stared. “Do you hear yourself?”

               “Max,” he urged. “I need you to do this one thing for me! I’d do it for you!”

               “You wouldn’t have to,” Max said. “I don’t pass off people who like me to my brother like a freaking torch.”

               Michael winced, and Max sighed, his expression softening. “And I like Liz, remember?”

               “Then this’ll be the perfect in for you,” he insisted. “Getting close to Alex means getting close to Liz. Then, in – in a month, just until the Spring Dance, you can smooth your way to Liz, and Alex will know the breakup is coming.”

               Michael swallowed thickly before he said, “I know him. He hates being left behind, so he’ll end things first.”

               Max shook his head. “And he’ll be heartbroken. Assuming your plan works. Is that what you want, Michael?”

               Michael hesitated, then, “It’ll just break for a minute.” He added quickly, “Th-then I’ll come in, and he won’t want to date your brother, so he’ll know we’re better off as friends.”

               He pursed his lips a moment, then walked past him. “You’re crazy.”

               Michael clenched his jaw and blocked Max’s path. “I can’t date Alex,” he said fiercely. “I can’t.”

               “He doesn’t know you overheard anything,” Max told him, not unkindly. “Can’t you just . . . play along?”

               Michael shook his head, his fists tight at his side. “It’ll come out,” he said. “I know it will. Please, Max, I . . . I can’t lose him. I need you.”

               Those were the words, Michael knew, that Max could never say no to. Those were the words that he and Isobel used only in extreme cases, when guilt for taking advantage of their brother’s good heart had to be put aside to fix whatever had happened. Michael hated using them, had used them only once before in his life, but knew he had to use them again now.

               Max sighed and looked away, something like resignation settling in the slump of his shoulders. A moment’s pause, then – “Alex hates me.”

               “No,” Michael breathed, already smiling despite the pinch in his chest that he would’ve rather not thought about. “You said it yourself, he barely tolerates you.” He took Max’s journal and held it up. “And if anyone can make something into something more, it’s a writer.”

               *

               Max wasn’t good at being a boyfriend. Not that he’d ever been anyone’s boyfriend, but that was the problem. He had no idea how to flirt or tease or ask anyone out. It was why he’d spent the better part of the last year pining after Liz Ortecho, stumbling through his hellos.

               Now, for whatever reason, he was prepping himself to ask out someone for the first time in his life. And it was Liz’s best friend. The things he did for his siblings . . .

               As Michael parked his truck outside the Wild Pony, Max thought about the few times he’d seen Alex around town. He was reminded of the Greek mythology stories he loved reading; of Hades, Lord of the Underworld, and how sunlight couldn’t touch him. He was nothing like his brothers who were all on one sports team or another. Who seemed to have no problem being popular.

               Though none of them, he knew, were like Alex. The dark prince, the one everyone wanted to know for his mystery, but the one who didn’t want anyone near him. The one people gave up on because he was too difficult to approach.

               You had to have an in. And, Max supposed, Michael was his in.

               “Remember,” Michael was telling him as they left the truck. “His favorite song is Welcome to the Black Parade, don’t get him a beer until after his set, and whatever you do, do not insult Star Wars. He didn’t talk to Valenti for two days when he thought there were Jedis in Star Trek.”

               Max started to laugh, saw that Michael was watching him expectantly, and huffed. “Would you calm down? I’m the one who gets to worry here. There’s no way Alex will let me come within three feet of him.”

               “I already told you,” Michael said. “You have me. You just think about being your usual charming self –”

               “Is that supposed to be another joke?”

               “—And Alex will be happy to have you.”

               Michael stopped abruptly just as they reached the doors. He turned to Max and pointed a warning finger. “Just don’t kiss him.”

               Max blinked. “Excuse me?”

               “Don’t kiss him,” he repeated seriously. “That’s . . . it’s too far. He deserves to be kissed by someone who . . . really wants to kiss him.” He shook the thought out of his head. “Just – just don’t kiss him.”

               “I won’t kiss him,” Max held his hands up. “I don’t want to anyway.”

               “And don’t talk that way around him,” Michael grit out. “Anyone would be lucky to have Alex.”

               Max looked to the skies for aid. “Then you date him!”

               “I can’t,” was all Michael said, and tugged on Max’s arm. “Come on, you’ll do great.”

               The Wild Pony doors opened to chatter and cowboys and clanking drinks. Max heaved a sigh, tapping his fingers on his thigh. He could do this. He could do this.

               Michael patted his back and went on ahead. Max followed, thinking of what he’d say to Alex when he saw him.

               He considered, “What’s up?”, “How’s it hanging?”, “‘Sup, bro!”, and winced at himself. He needed more time to think of something, but he didn’t have any. He spotted Liz first, and Kyle and Alex beside her. Liz and Kyle were laughing about something, but Alex was focused on his music sheets, his fingers running over the keys as if making sure he knew the song by heart.

               Right then, Max realized what a terrible idea this was.

               “Michael,” he tried, reaching for his brother’s shoulder. “I – I think we should talk about this –”

               “Alex!” Michael called, and went ahead. Max was left stumbling behind him.

               Alex glanced up and smiled at the sight of Michael. “Hey! I saved you a seat up front!”

               Michael looked like he was going to wrap an arm around his shoulders like he usually did, then his smile dimmed and he cleared his throat, patting Alex’s arm in the end.

               “Duh, buddy,” he said. “What are friends for?”

               Alex glanced down for a fraction of a second before his smile returned and he pulled Michael to behind the keyboard to look at his song. It was like Max wasn’t there.

               Michael seemed to notice that, too. He raised his brows pointedly at Max, and Max cleared his throat, stepped forward, and said, “H-hey, Alex.”

               Alex looked up like he thought he heard someone talk to him, and his eyes met Max’s. His brows furrowed and he pressed his lips together, clearly confused as to why Michael’s brother was talking to him.

               “Hi,” he murmured. “So, Guerin, look at this, I used the lyrics you came up with yesterday.”

               “Uh –” Michael barely glanced at the page. “Hope you don’t mind that I brought Max,” he said, pulling Max forward. “He really wanted to hear you sing.”

               Alex narrowed his eyes at Max. “If he’s here to, like, make fun of me or something –”

               “No,” Max said at once. “No, I – I really do . . . like . . . music.”

               Alex stared a moment. Then he looked away, uncomfortable, and took Michael’s hand. He muttered, “Is he coming with us for ice cream after?”

               Michael chuckled and subtly removed his hand from Alex’s. Max could see the flash of hurt in Alex’s eyes before it was gone, and he thought he might’ve imagined it.

               “We’ll see,” Michael said, “about the ice cream, okay?”

               Alex scoffed and bumped their shoulders. “Yeah, okay. The day Michael Guerin says no to ice cream is the day Kyle Valenti gets into med school.”

               “Hey!” Kyle argued.

               “I’m kidding!” Alex laughed. “I knew you were listening in, you freak!”

               Kyle pulled Alex to him, and Michael kept laughing until he whipped around to face Max, then his smile fell away and he hissed, “Work with me here!”

               “I’m trying,” Max hissed back. “I am making him uncomfortable, Michael.”

               “He’s just not used to you talking to him,” he whispered. “Just – just – just . . . move in there!”

               He pushed Max forward, and Max nearly stumbled into Alex’s keyboard. Alex looked startled.

               “Max,” Liz blinked, “are you okay?”

               Kyle tilted his head. “You drunk already, dude?”

               “Uh . . .” Max started, and pointed at the keys. “I like your piano.”

               Alex raised a brow. “It’s actually not mine. It belongs to the bar.”

               “Oh.” Max nodded. “W-Well, you look really cool. I wish I could play the piano, so that’s – that’s really cool.”

               “Thanks?”

               “Can I – uh – can I buy you a beer? After your set?”

               His face burned as Alex stared. Then, while still watching Max apprehensively, Alex called, “Guerin?”

               Michael didn’t answer. Max turned to find that he’d started talking up the first blonde he’d found. Asshole, he thought, clearly looking for any excuse to leave him alone with his best friend.

               He looked back at Alex, and saw that he was watching Michael, too. His shoulders had fallen, and his brows pinched, but there was no surprise in his face. He was so used to Michael ignoring him when a better offer came along.

               He knew he should say something, though he didn’t know what. If Alex thought of Michael as nothing but a friend, this wouldn’t have hurt him.

               Liz then suddenly wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist, tighter and tighter until he burst into laughter. Kyle picked up the music sheets and complained why Alex never played any heavy metal.

               “You dress like you play it,” he said, “is all I’m saying!”

               They were clearly trying to distract him from whatever Michael was doing. Max scratched the back of his head, not knowing what to do himself.

               When the show started, Michael was already in his seat, pulling Max to sit down beside him. Liz clapped the loudest and Kyle offered a thumbs up. Michael kept his arms crossed, as if afraid anything he did would be taken the wrong way. Max could see Alex’s momentary confusion before Mimi DeLuca announced his song.

               Max was looking everywhere, namely at Liz, until Michael nudged his side with his elbow, and Alex started playing. As the first few notes fell together like a soothing waterfall, Max started. He looked to Alex, eyes wide. This was his music? He didn’t know why, but he’d imagined, like Kyle had teased, heavy metal or I-hate-everything ballads. But this . . .

               Not thirty seconds in, Max’s eyes had fallen shut.

               He had no idea how it had happened. One second, he was in a wooden chair at a bar where most of the crowd was laughing and talking over the music. The next, he found himself in a forest, surrounded by pine trees, with a clear lake behind him.

               When Alex started to sing – who knew he had such a smooth voice? – Max then felt the breeze of a desert night across his cheeks, the stars and full moon bright above, the rest of the world turned to peaceful quiet.

               The further along Alex got in his song, the more Max’s fingers itched to write. He couldn’t remember the last time ideas poured into his head like this, the last time he felt his heart swell with the anticipation of creating something.

               This was a song Alex had made up. Had he always had such talent? Max had never been to one of his gig’s before because he’d never been invited. Or he had, and he had been lost in the chattering crowd in the back, not paying attention.

               Now, he had to pay attention. He found it impossible to do anything else. When Alex finished, his friends and Michael stood to applaud. Liz screamed, Kyle whistled, and Michael looked prouder than Max had ever seen him of anybody. Max slowly did the same, staring.

               Alex looked red-faced, but his eyes shone brightly and he smiled widely, like even he could feel the emotion he’d just created. He stepped down, running a hand through his dark hair, and accepted the bottle of water from Kyle with a thanks.

               “Is it over?” he breathed after taking big gulps.

               “Yeah,” Kyle laughed, ruffling his hair and messing it up again. “It’s over, buddy.”

               “That’s my Alex,” Michael said before he could help it, and Max saw the blush deepen in Alex’s cheeks. Michael seemed to have realized his mistake, and handed a cold beer under the table to Max.

               Max hesitated, then held it out for Alex to take.

               Alex looked startled, but he was still smiling. “Thanks,” he murmured, accepting the bottle.

               “So,” Kyle drummed his hands on the table. “Ice cream to celebrate?”

               “Ice cream!” Liz yelled and Alex laughed. He turned to Michael.

               “Ice cream?”

               “Uh . . .” Michael looked over at the blonde he’d been flirting with. She waved to him from across the bar. Max saw the tick in his jaw, the way his fingers curled to fists under the table, and he knew that the last thing Michael wanted to do was cancel on Alex.

               Yet that was what he did.

               “Raincheck?” he said, and nudged his chin at the girl. “I think I’m about to live the Rockstar fantasy.”

               Liz frowned, disapproving. “But you’re not the Rockstar. Alex is.”

               “Well, the girls have to go somewhere,” he shrugged, already walking backwards. “If any guys show up, I’ll send ‘em your way, babe.”

               “O-Oh,” Alex’s brows pinched. “Okay . . .”

               “Max can take my place!” he offered, and turned his back to them. “See you tomorrow!”

               “Jackass,” Kyle muttered.

               Max opened his mouth to defend Michael, not knowing what he’d say exactly, when Alex said, “He’s just been really stressed out lately. He – he has all those honor classes. I think he should let off a little steam.”

               Liz did not look like she agreed. “Alex . . .”

               “It’s okay, really,” he said, then managed a smile that did not reach his eyes. “More for us, right?”

               Max stared. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

               “Of course I do,” Alex said simply, and looked at Michael’s retreating form with a forlorn look. “He’s my best friend.”

                 Alex seemed distracted. No matter how much Liz and Kyle tried to pull him into conversation, the best he could manage was a smile that even Max could tell was fake. Max felt kind of bad for him. He seemed to really be trying his best to cheer up, but every time a blonde girl or any straight couple passed, his mood dimmed again, like he couldn’t help but wonder what Michael was doing now.

               Not knowing what else to do, Max nudged his arm and asked the only question he could think to. “Did you really write that song you sang tonight?”

               Alex looked confused as to why Max would ask him anything, and he shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah.”

               Max shook his head. “That’s so cool,” he breathed. “It – I mean, it was really good.”

               Alex checked to make sure Liz and Kyle were too caught up with each other to hear them, then said, “Okay, what’s your deal, Evans? Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?”

               Max frowned. “I’ve always been nice to you.”

               Alex raised a skeptical brow. “You’ve always been polite. And that’s only because I’m friends with your brother. I know you’re as scared of me as everyone else.”

               “That’s not true!” Max said at once. “I’m scared of everyone!”

               Alex blinked, and Max realized too late what he’d said. He blushed and looked down, expecting to be laughed at. When he heard Alex huff an incredulous chuckle, he shut his eyes tight, humiliated.

               Then he said, “You? Mr. Perfect?”

               “I’m not perfect.”

               Alex scrunched his nose. Max was reminded of a kitten. “Aren’t you though? Tall, dark, and handsome,” he nudged his chin at the notebook poking out of Max’s back pocket. “And you write.”

               Max smirked. “But you’re all of those things.”

               Alex blinked, startled, and Max could’ve sworn he saw a pink tint across his cheeks. Maybe it was just too dark.

               Max cleared his throat and went on. “You should know then, better than anyone, that it doesn’t matter how good-looking you are. Sooner or later, some people just give up trying to get close to you.”

               “Is that what you’re doing?” Alex scoffed halfheartedly. “Trying to get close to me?”

               He wouldn’t look at Max as he said it, as if he was sure that was not what was going on. It made Max’s words come out more smoothly than he’d expected. “Yes. It is.”

               Alex stopped, surprised. Max also stopped and faced him. He could see Liz and Kyle stop out of the corner of his eyes, and prayed they couldn’t hear him.

               When he spoke, the lie left his lips with a little more trouble. “I like you, Alex. I – I always have. I’ve wanted to talk to you for years, but I . . . I’m not good at . . .” he gestured at his entire self, as if to say everything about him was an obstacle.

               “That’s why Michael brought me to the show tonight,” he said. “He knew I’ve wanted to talk to you forever. And I finally got to.”

               Alex stared, his expression unreadable. For a terrifying moment, Max wondered if he saw through the charade. Then he said, “You like me?”

               He said it more like a statement, a dare. Max could only nod once, gripping his notebook so tightly his knuckles turned white.

               Then he saw it. The doubt and suspicion behind Alex’s eyes. Alex sighed and kept walking. “Then let’s see how long,” he said, “until you give up, too.”

               *

               Max Evans stared. A lot.

               Alex was not new to people watching him. Everyone was usually curious about the youngest of the Manes brothers until they realized just how different and unapproachable Alex was, and then their curiosity’s limit showed.

               But the longer Max stared, the more curious he seemed to become. If he wasn’t glancing at Alex’s hair or eyeliner, he was looking at Alex’s bracelets, the rings on his fingers, the drawings on his shirt, his necklace, his nail polish.

               Alex felt like he was being studied. It was weird. He wished Michael was here to get Max to stop staring. He wished he could snap at Max to look away, but the guy was like a walking cinnamon roll. It was impossible to get angry at him without feeling bad.

               When Alex ordered his Neapolitan ice cream, Max not only insisted on paying for it, but offered a spoon of his own lemon sherbet cup for Alex to try.

               “Don’t you have, like, hundreds of other friends you could be spending Friday night with?” Alex finally asked.

               “Just my brother and sister,” Max confessed, picking at his sorbet. “Hey, since it’s Saturday tomorrow, y-you want to do something?” Then, as if it was an afterthought, added, “Together.”

               “No,” Alex grumbled around his spoon.

               “Why not?”

               “Because I always spend Saturdays with Michael,” he said, and immediately longed for Michael again. He wondered if he was having a lot more fun than Alex was right now. He tried not to think any harder about where Michael might be.

               “Oh,” Max said quietly. Alex glanced at him and saw that he was awkwardly tipping the melted part of his sherbet into his mouth. His lips twitched before he quickly schooled his features.

               He thought that would be the end of that conversation, but then Max asked, “If he cancels, you wanna do something?”

               Alex frowned. “Why would you think he’d cancel?”

               “Just . . .” he shrugged. “He kinda does what he wants, you know?”

               “Michael never cancels on me,” Alex bit back.

               He nodded, but wouldn’t look at Alex again. “Sorry.”

               Alex faltered. There it was, that guilt again. Saturdays belonged to him and Michael. He didn’t want anyone else coming along. He continued quietly eating his ice cream. At least maybe now Max would know to give up this ridiculous chase.

               “Well, maybe Sunday then?”

        ��      Alex blinked and looked up. “W-What?”

               Max was smiling nervously, swirling the contents of his sherbet. “There’s – well, there’s this museum for fine art pieces. I – I heard it’s really cool, I’ve been meaning to go, but Isobel and Michael don’t really . . . like paintings and sculptures.” He shook his head. “Sorry, I know you must not either, I – I don’t know why I thought you would –”

               “Paintings?” Alex couldn’t help but ask. “Like Potthast? And Einaudi?”

               Max blinked. “Y-You know about them?”

               “I mean,” Alex scrunched his shoulders. “I’m not an idiot. I love any artist who pours themselves into their work. It’s” – he blushed – “inspiring.”

               Max perked up. “Right?! I’d do anything to be a writer, you know? Seeing people love something as much as I love books, it kind of makes me feel like . . .”

               “Like it all has to mean something,” Alex finished, smiling to himself. “I can’t love it this much for nothing.”

               Max huffed a laugh. He looked surprised, his cheeks tinted pink. “Yeah! Yeah, exactly . . .”

               Neither of them said anything for the next minute. Alex rubbed the sole of his shoe against the pavement and cleared his throat.

               “I mean,” he finally said, “I guess . . . if I’m really not doing anything Sunday . . . I can come. B-But only if Michael’s coming, too! I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

               Max didn’t say anything, and Alex chanced a glance at him to see he had a small smile.

               “What?” he demanded. “I said I’d – I’d come. M-Maybe!”

               Max nodded. “Er – can I have your number?”

               Don’t do it, Alex thought. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. Max was just a stranger.

               But he’s not a complete stranger, he reminded himself. He was Michael’s brother, and if Michael was letting him get this close to their tight little group, then he must’ve trusted that Alex was safe around him. And he could trust Michael more than anyone to look after him. He knew he could.

               “Yeah,” he said, handing Max his phone without looking at him. He saw Liz and Kyle watch him from across the street where they were twirling around a lamppost. They were tilting their heads and smirking, like they knew something he didn’t.

               Alex cleared his throat, and, as if his friends could hear him, added in a mutter, “Whatever.”

               Even Max smiled at that.

               *

               The next morning, Max woke to knocking on his window. He saw Michael and leapt out of bed, letting him in.

               “Can’t you knock like a normal person?”

               “Didn’t want to wake anyone else up,” he said. He smelled like he’d spent all of last night drinking, but his curls were wild, like he’d walked for hours in the desert instead of lying in someone’s bed.

               He nudged Max aside and sat cross-legged on his bed, shoes and all. “Tell me about Alex,” he said. “How’d last night go?”

               Max put his pillows up and slumped against them. “Fine. Good. Okay, I guess. He was mostly quiet the whole time. Did you have to blow him off like that?”

               Michael looked down and clenched his jaw. “Don’t remind me,” he grumbled. “I hated not being there. The whole time she was talking in my ear, I was trying not to get her to gag on me. I almost called Alex like fifty times!”

               He shook his head, as if eager to be rid of the memory. “Forget me. So he didn’t say anything the entire night?”

               “No,” Max said. “He did. I got him talking about music and other artists and stuff. I even asked him out to the museum today, just like you said.”

               Michael clapped him on the shoulder, happy. “Yeah? Max Evans, you sly dog!”

               Max couldn’t share in his enthusiasm. Would Michael have been so happy if he’d seen the look on Alex’s face last night? The way he defended him even when it was clear that his own heart was breaking?

               “Yeah,” Max said, rubbing his eye. “Said no.”

               “Well,” Michael shrugged a shoulder, “it’s not like he was going to fall in love with you in a few hours.”

               “Actually,” Max said, “he said he might be able to come tomorrow. He can’t today because you guys usually hang out on Saturdays.”

               Michael raised a brow. “Oh yeah?” He hummed, studying the blanket. After a long few minutes, he said, “I might . . . just call him and –”

               “Er –” Max cut him off, “he was pretty adamant that you would never cancel on him. Even after . . . you kind of already did.”

               Michael’s shoulders slumped, and he looked away. He muttered, “Yeah?”

               “Yeah, Michael,” Max sighed. “Look, can’t you just talk to him about this? It looks like he really cares about you, I’m sure if you told him what you heard –”

               “He’d hate me,” Michael said. “Imagine finding out that the one person you like knows you like them, and it makes them uncomfortable. Would you ever be able to look them in the face again?”

               Max pressed the heel of his palm into his eye. “And you’re sure you don’t like Alex like that? At all?”

               Michael looked up, holding his brother’s gaze. Max had never seen him so fierce. “I can’t date him, Max.”

               “Why not?” Max said. “You don’t think your relationship would survive a breakup?”

               “I can’t risk it,” he said. “I won’t.”

               Max almost pointed out that that wasn’t an answer, but decided not to. “Fine, well,” he laid back down and turned his back to Michael, trying to fall asleep again. “He’s not going anywhere with me on a Saturday, so see you tomorrow.”

               Michael did not leave, or say anything for a good long while. Then Max heard shuffling, and tapping. He peeked an eye open and saw Michael texting. Immediately, the look on Alex’s face last night hit him and he sat up.

               “What’re you doing?” he demanded, reaching for Michael’s phone. Michael kept himself out of reach. “Michael, I told you, if you cancel –”

               “I’m not canceling,” Michael murmured, brows pinched. “Just texting someone.” His finger hovered over the screen a moment before he hit send. “There,” he said, pocketing his phone. He didn’t look any happier than he’d been seconds ago. “Now Alex will be the one asking you out.”

               Max’s shoulders slumped. “What’d you do?”

               Michael didn’t answer, but the guilt on his face said it all. He was about to break Alex’s heart.

               *

               Alex had woken early. Last night he’d climbed through his window to his father banging on his door. He’d managed to sneak under the covers and play asleep the second Jesse had burst through, but he knew his luck wouldn’t last.

               It hadn’t mattered, because there was nothing that was going to keep him from an entire day with Michael. So he’d risen early, forgotten about breakfast at the risk of running into his father and being trapped inside again, and just had water from the hydro flask he kept by his bed – he didn’t care, he would eat later with Michael. He’d thrown on his favorite skull and crossbones t-shirt, his silver skull choker, and his rings.

               He felt silly fixing his hair in the mirror, running his hand through it so that the strands looked windswept. It wasn’t hard, as his hair rarely stayed down neatly. He’d learned to live with it.

               Michael wouldn’t ever like him like he liked girls, he knew that, but maybe . . . maybe some part of him might find Alex attractive. Maybe he might look at him differently without realizing that he was looking at him differently.

               It was dumb, but he could hope.

               At least, he had hoped until Michael met him in front of their favorite coffeeshop with his arm around Maria DeLuca’s shoulders. Alex had been holding two coffees, a caramel macchiato for him and a mocha for Michael, because he loved chocolate. He’d nearly dropped them at the sight.

               “Hey!” Michael called.

               “Uh – hey, Alex,” Maria smiled awkwardly. “Guerin,” she said, “I thought we were hanging out today.”

               “We are!” Michael smiled widely, taking his coffee and handing it to her. “With Alex! I always spend Saturdays with Alex.”

               “B-But . . .” Alex looked between them. He could feel his heart slowly sinking into his stomach. He pressed his lips together in a quick smile to Maria and tugged Michael aside by his sleeve. “What’s going on?” he whispered. “We always spend Saturdays together.”

               Michael tilted his head. “We are together.”

               “Alone,” Alex insisted. “Just you and me, remember? We’ve never invited anyone else. And . . . Guerin, Maria?”

               Michael laughed. He was laughing far too easily, and smiling way too much. He knew that of all people, bringing Maria would be a real sting. Didn’t he care about how Alex felt? And today of all days?

               “Come on, Alex,” he said. “I’m just trying to have a little fun here.”

               Alex felt like he’d just been slapped. “S-So being with me isn’t fun?”

               Michael rolled his eyes like he thought Alex was messing around. Alex, horrifically, thought he might cry.

               “Am I supposed to turn down a hot girl for you?” he said, taking Alex’s coffee and having a sip. “Seriously, so Maria’s coming. What’s the big deal, right? I mean, it’s not like we’re dating.”

               He reached out to pat Alex’s shoulder, but Alex flinched back, away from his touch. For a split second, Michael’s face fell and he looked mortified. But it was gone so quickly that Alex was sure he must’ve imagined it.

               He felt guilty, and dramatic, and pathetic. He felt cast aside, unwanted. All of that was okay, he was used to it. Maybe not from Michael, never from Michael, but he was used to it.

               So he did what he always did when he was reminded just how worthless he was. He forced his chin up, exhaled shakily, and kept his words steady. “I actually just remembered that Max wanted to go to a museum thing today.”

               Michael was still smiling. It felt wrong, but Alex couldn’t look at him too long to read into it. “Oh yeah?”

               “Yeah,” Alex took another few steps back. He couldn’t remember ever wanting to be away from Michael, but at this moment nowhere felt far away enough. “He sounded like he really wanted me to go with him, but I had to say no because of today.” He moved further away. “I really wanted to go, too, to be honest. It sounded cool.”

               “Yeah?” Michael sounded quieter. Maybe that was just because of the distance between them.

               “So if you’re going to hang out with someone else, then I guess it’s okay if I go, too?”

               Michael didn’t answer for a minute. “Yeah. No, yeah, that’s great. Works out for both of us, huh?”

               Alex turned around so Michael didn’t see his face fall. “Yeah,” he said, and began walking away. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

               Before Michael could say anything else, Alex pulled out his phone. He wouldn’t dial until he rounded the corner and was out of Michael’s sight. He fell back against the wall, his legs giving out under him. He held the phone to his forehead, breathing deeply.

               Kyle, he knew, was on a camping trip for the weekend with his dad. Liz was busy working shifts at the Crashdown.

               It’s okay, Alex told himself. It’s okay. You don’t need anybody. It’s okay.

               He may not have needed anyone, but he didn’t want to be alone today. So he dialed Max’s name, and held the phone to his ear.

               It rung twice, then Max answered. “Alex?” There was hesitation in his voice that made Alex blush. Was he not actually expecting Alex to call?

               “Er – hey,” Alex murmured, and rubbed his face with one hand. “Look, t-turns out I’m free today after all . . . If you . . . still want to go to the museum . . .”

               Max didn’t answer for a long few seconds.

               “O-Or not,” he said quickly, “doesn’t really matter to me, I just thought –”

               “Yeah!” Max said, “Yeah, I’m – sorry, I was changing. I’m ready to go when you are! Where do you want me to meet you?”

               Alex’s shoulders slumped. He felt a strange relief trickling through his chest, but it didn’t ease the weight on his heart. He muttered, “Wherever you want. Just text me the address.”

               He waited for Max’s okay, then hung up. He rested his chin on his knees as he waited for the message to come in, closing his eyes and promising himself that he would not cry.

                 Max didn’t live in a house. He lived in a mansion. The two story villa stretched out over a valley of cacti and desert flowers, the windows long and the front doors big enough to fit ten grown men standing side by side. Michael had once told Alex how he’d sneak in through his brother and sister’s windows, and Alex now had to wonder how.

               No sooner had he gotten to the door than Max came stumbling out, a bag thrown over his shoulder.

               “Hey,” he panted, “let’s go.”

               Without waiting for Alex’s greeting, he bodily turned Alex around and nudged him back toward the road. Alex was not new to being hidden away by boys who’d rather their parents not see him, but he’d already had his plans with Michael ruined, and was in no mood to humor any homophobia.

               “What?” he sighed. “Afraid mommy and daddy will know you asked out a guy?”

               Max blinked, surprised. He stopped. “What’re you talking about? I’m not trying to hide you from my parents.” He looked over his shoulder as if remembering they were supposed to be in a hurry, and frog-marched Alex away again.

               “Oh?” Alex rolled his eyes. He tried to ground his heels to make it harder for Max but had no will to do it. He was tired, but anything was better than spending the day curled up in bed, abandoned and pitiful. “The who are we trying to hide from?”

               “My . . . crap . . .” Max trailed off, and, following his gaze, Alex understood why. At the end of the road, her arms crossed, her purse hanging off one elbow, was Isobel Evans. She did not look happy.

               “Sneaking off?” she demanded. “Who do you think you are? Michael?”

               “Isobel,” Max warned. “Not now.”

               “Did you honestly think you could hide your date?” Isobel narrowed her eyes at Alex. “Huh. You weren’t kidding. It really is Alex Manes.” She reached a hand towards his face. “You were right, he is very pretty –”

               “Isobel,” Max slid in between Alex and Isobel, forbidding her from touching him. “I never said that.” Then to Alex, “I never said that. N-Not that you’re not – I mean, clearly you are –”

               He shook his head, and turned back to Isobel, his jaw clenched. “I’m not kidding, leave us alone.”

               Isobel was relentless, tilting her head over her brother’s shoulder, since she was almost as tall as he was. “Oh, what do you think I’m going to do, Max? Get out of the way, let me look at him!”

               “Alex,” Max said, his wary eyes on his sister, “I am so sorry about this.”

               “Sorry about what?” she demanded. “I didn’t do anything! Get out of the way, Max! Do you have any idea how rare it is to get a look at him this up close?!”

               “He’s not an octopus, Isobel!”

               “It’s a compliment!” She told Alex, “It’s a compliment, it means you’re really cute.”

               “We have to go,” Max insisted, fending off his sister’s reaching hands. “We have a thing at the museum and –”

                “What museum? Why didn’t you invite me? I want to come with you!”

               “NO!”

               “Why not?”

               “Because you’ll make it weird!”

               “What does that even mean? Scared I’ll embarrass you in front of your new boyfriend?”

               “Isobel!”

               Watching them, Alex should’ve been annoyed. But Max was being gentle with his sister, and Isobel’s eyes were so genuine that Alex could tell her curiosity was innocent and eager. There didn’t seem to be a malicious bone in either of their bodies.

               Crouching behind a building just half an hour ago, Alex had not thought he’d be able to smile for the rest of the day. Now, a giggle escaped his lips before he could help it.

               Max and Isobel stopped and stared, wide eyed. Max’s cheeks were tinted pink. Alex pretended not to notice.

               “Isobel,” he said wearily, “you want to come with us?”

               Isobel looked momentarily surprised, then pleased, a satisfied grin stretching across her pink lips. She lightly shouldered her way past Max and hooked her arm around Alex’s.

               “I like him,” Isobel said cheerfully, and pulled Alex down the road. Alex looked over his shoulder at Max, who blinked out of his haze and ran to catch up to them.

               “Why would you invite her?” Max murmured.

               Alex took one look at Isobel and smiled, something about her radiant demeanor an interesting contrast to the darkness he lived in. Maybe it was having a writer with him, maybe it was that he was kind of a writer himself, but he thought there was a fascinating story here between the three of them.

               To Max, however, he merely shrugged a shoulder and smirked.

               “Come on, Evans,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to think this was a date.”

               Max again blushed, and Alex again pretended not to notice.

Ahhhh here it is!!! Finally!!!

I know only three to four people may enjoy this, but I wrote it mostly for me, so my expectations are low. Or, I should say, that’s how I’m trying to keep them. Don’t ask me how long until the next chapter comes up, this is just supposed to be fun. Any questions about updates shall be ignored.

That said, if you did enjoy it, comment! Tell me what you liked, if it was funny, angsty, if it’s not your kind of thing but you decided to give it a chance anyway - I love that stuff. And share/reblog. You may not have liked it, but maybe someone else really will!

[doloresdraws]

| time-lapse of the painting on my youtube |

❤ I wrote these for Twitter, but decided to post them here as well ❤

Werner Adler, Nosferatu residing in San Francisco, Embraced in 1970 in his mid 30s.

1. Werner is pretty chill most of the time, more than angry he gets frustrated from not being satisfied with his writing or when he says something that makes complete sense, yet the other person still fails to acknowledge it, especially when it is about something important.

2. I think he never believed in soulmates, until he met Leslie. Now when she is gone, a part of him is gone too.

3. His pet peeves: When people call themselves stupid or speak about themselves in a degrading way, especially women and children. Also when he sees grammar mistakes like they're/their, etc.

4. Unfortunately, what used to be his happy place now brings him a lot of pain, so he rarely allows his thoughts to venture there. When Leslie was still alive and he thought she was living a happy, fulfilled life somewhere, he often thought about their life together.

5. He has suffered from depression since his teens, but his happiest time was when Leslie said yes to his clumsy proposal, they got married and were planning their future together. Despite his coming and going depression and some bad days, she made him very happy.

6. His least happy time: Finding out that Leslie was dead, running to the hospital morgue and seeing and holding her lifeless body in his arms.

7. I think he is neither. He would sit at the bar minding his own business.

8. As a mortal, he never had any serious physical injuries (mainly because he was at home most of the time) As a vampire he got his wrist broken by the Gangrel who had found him after the Embrace, Werner didn't understand anything and wanted to just run away.

9. He doesn't really remember his Embrace as he was passed out sleeping, so the Embrace itself isn't a traumatic experience for him. There is a lot he would rather forget during his Kindred existence, but nothing tops his desperate attempt of Embracing Leslie's dead body.

10. His childhood wasn't exactly filled with many good memories. His parents argued a lot and it ended up in divorce that left him living with his quite overprotective mother. His fav memory would probably be time he spent hanging out with his best friend, a neighbor kid Mike.

11. Honestly, no, he doesn't have a type. He was seriously in love only with Leslie. They had a connection right away as she as an artist understood his need to be sometimes left alone with his writing and at the same time possessed quite a different, more positive outlook in life.

12. A pen that he bought from his first salary. Lucky for him, he was able to keep it even after his Embrace. Also his and Leslie's wedding rings and her journal that he stole after sneaking into her husband's hotel room and going through her things.

13. +14. No tattoos or piercings, even if he wasn't a Kindred/Nosferatu he wouldn't even consider it. He is quite old school, he doesn't really like them.

15. He had his dream house already. Not long before he got Embraced, he and Leslie had bought a house in a small town in Maine. It wasn't much, but they had so many plans for the garden and for the kid's rooms.

16. I think others, especially Kindred of other clans wouldn't probably expect him to be so well-mannered, gentle and well-spoken considering his dishevelled, unclean looks. He just sees no point in showering or caring for his look when he isn't really socializing with anyone anyway.

17. He is very thoughtful when it comes to gifts. He is that kind of person that would give you a present out of the blue, just because he would see something that he thinks you would enjoy.

18. He has a love-hate relationship with his writing. Some days he thinks he is really good at capturing the right mood with his words, other days he is questioning his writing skills and if he should even continue. He isn't proud of anything that he does, unfortunately.

19. A stranger would probably describe him as a sad man who desperately needs a bath and new clothes.

20. A close friend (Kayley) would describe him as kind & caring, but broken man who is trying his best and tries to do the right things.

21. He actually isn't concerned about his looks at all, he didn't care much about his looks even when he looked normal. His biggest insecurity is fear that somehow deep inside he is a bad person and that he somehow deserves what happened.

22. Physical: dexterity, non-physical: Intelligence.

23. If he knew that the lie was for his own good, he would actually appreciate the thought. If it was a lie to spare him from fear (I am looking at you Kayley) he would get upset at the sheer irresponsibility and the harm that could have happened and you would be in for a lecture.

24. He doesn't care much for the weather when he's spending most of his nights alone in his sewer haven, but he finds rainy nights inspiring and accurate to his own feelings of despair. He sometimes goes to the cemetery when it pours, stands in the rain and allows himself to cry.

25. He has no problems saying I love you to the people that he cares about when it feels right and appropriate to the situation. Though he usually never says it first, but more as a response :)

26. He doesn't like to talk about his worries - like when he was a mortal he really didn't like to talk about his fear of not having enough skill to make it as a writer, as he felt like he was failing Leslie to not make enough money for them to be able to raise a family.

27. He murdered a man that was a threat to Kayley and Jane. He really thought that there wasn't another way, but he sent the children away while he did it, so they didn't have to see. He was on the verge of frenzy and part of him could justify the murder as the man was a scumbag.

28. He isn't ticklish, but he would probably try to stop you tickling him anyway.

29. As a mortal, he had pretty low pain tolerance, but as a Nosferatu and after Leslie's death he realized that any amount of physical pain was nothing compared to the crippling pain and guilt that he feels inside everytime his mind slips and he thinks about what happened.

30. He wishes he had the courage to walk up to Kyle (Leslie's then husband) and tell him that he was sorry, that he was weak, selfish and negligent and that it was his fault that Kyle lost his wife and his unborn child. But of course, he never did it, and now Kyle is an old man.

31. Messy: feeding is a very stressful ordeal for him, he only feeds on the homeless men from his herd and he gives them money for it. It's always a terrible time for him, it takes him a while to actually bite down and then he wants to be done with it as soon as possible.

32. When 14 yo Kayley made him bite her after she found out the truth about what he was and she wanted a proof that it didn’t hurt when he fed on people, despite him reassuring her it didn’t. He was deeply hurt by this request, but he forgave her, he realized she was just a curious child, she didn't know how much pain this was causing him.

33. When Leslie found him and despite seeing how he changed, she still told him she loved him and was willing to stay with him. And maybe even more when they had met a few years later and despite the time, he could still see love for him in her eyes like nothing had changed…

34. Hard choice between vision & touch. Both would hinder his ability to write and that is that is the only thing that keeps him somehow sane. Well, together with caring for Kayley, but as she is growing older it is better she sees less of him and has a normal life.

35. He can hold on small talks pretty well,it's actually the only kind of talk he is willing to have with other Kindred after Leslie's death. Mirabelle especially noticed the change in his behavior, but she understands that they weren't really friends and she has no right to pry.

36. He would ask Leslie if she can forgive him for what happened to her and her unborn child. But the truth also is that he is absolutely terrified at the idea as he fears that the truth is that wherever she is, she hates him.

37. The past-so he would have never traveled to San Francisco, or at least he would have traveled to the night when Leslie came to him and this time he would be stronger and pushed her away, not letting her touch him... The future is pointless, there is nothing left there for him.

38. Positive - Leslie made him feel understood, Kayley - gave him some will to live back, Jane - made him feel like he made a difference in her life by persuading her to own her mistakes.

Negative - His Sire who made him question why he deserved this fate for his kindness.

39. He was used to live alone, then he met Leslie and then he was alone again. He was always a solitary person, so the solitude and isolation actually didn't even bother him after the Embrace.

40. The worst had already happened to him, so for a time there wasn't really anything that would make him terrified. But then he met Kayley and of course he fears for her safety as he feels responsible for her. He's afraid that her compassion will one day cost her her life.

Werner © me/doloresdraws

[despair-sauce]

Cartman at Kyle's: Stan & Kenny on Sunday Afternoon (Part 3)

The brisk cold of South Park Colorado temperatures is what woke Kyle up to begin with.

He opens his eyes to first look outside, which is pretty bright out, then his clock which says 11:13am. Then he checked his phone to see three messages from Stan.

SBF: Hey dude, me and Kenny will be over in an a couple hours

SBF: Get ready! It'll be so lit!

SBF: It's me Kenny! Hi mom!

Kyle sighs and puts his phone on his desk stand. He tries getting up but something rather warm and heavy is stopping him.

Cartman is wrapped around him like a koala pretty much, and that doesn't stop Kyle from grinning like an idiot. He runs his hand through Cartman's hair and decides since Stan and Kenny will be over in no less than an two hours, it's finally time to get up and get ready for them, Cartman included.

"Cartman wake up," Kyle says nudging Cartman pretty hard. "mmgmmhm," Is all Cartman responds with.

Kyle wasn't taking none of it though "No, come on we gotta wake up, it's eleven in the morning and Stan just texted me that he and Kenny will be over in a couple hours."

"ngmhmm Kyle, fucking stop, we'll be fine," Cartman says throwing his hands over Kyle's hips trying to bring him back down.

But Kyle was too fast for him, he wriggled out of Cartman's grasp and got out of the bed anyways. "Come on."

Cartman finally opens his eyes and looks at Kyle, smile forming on his face. "Has anyone told you that you're pretty hot for a Jew?" He says in a tired, and raspy voice.

"Don't start," Is all Kyle says, but that question still makes Kyle blush pretty bad. "Get up, go home and get changed...but come right back okay?"

"Okay okay, fine, I'll go," is all Cartman says to Kyle before throwing himself off the bed and trudging down the hall, down the stairs and out the door.

He is standing on Kyle's front porch, stretching his limbs and yawning. His eye squint from the sunlight, but he looks in the distance to where his house stands and finds his mom getting out of the car.

"Well goddamn, finally," Cartman whispers to himself. He didn't take his time walking to his house, rather, walking pretty fast so he can talk to his mom...and so he can get back to Kyles house quicker, but talk with mom before anything else.

He noticed the front door was unlocked, so he just walked in and looked for his mom, where he found was in her bedroom at her vanity mirror taking off the light makeup she where's on the daily. "Mom."

Liane looks in the mirror at her son and smiles with that warm smile she always uses and responds sweetly. "Oh, hello honey, how was being at Kyle's? I thought you were there until tonight?"

"I am." Is all Cartman says. He crosses his arms and leans on the frame of her bedroom door. "Mom, you're old enough to know better not to go back to that sleazy motherfucker! You know better not to be acting like a child!" Cartman yells. "Eric, I will not tolerate you yelling at me like this," Liane says in a stern, but still soft tone.

"And I won't tolerate you coming home drunk or out of your fucking mind every night! I'm sick of it!" Cartman says throwing his hands up. He closes his mom's door subconsciously even though they're the only ones at the house. "Mom, I'm being fucking serious, you gotta fucking stop. I don't want to come home one night and find you fucking dead on the kitchen floor."

Cartmans words begin to break a little after saying his last remark. "You got to lean on me sometimes mom, you're all I got when it comes to family."

Liane looks at her up son, who's trying his best not to cry. She gets up out of her seat and gives her son a big hug. "You're all I have too, honey, oh Eric."

She is rubbing small circle's on Cartman's back, letting Cartman cry on her shoulder.

"Let's watch a few movies tomorrow, after you get home from school, just the two of us?" Liane asks Cartman. Just then he stops crying and nods. "Yeah, that'll be good, we'll both be home for once," Cartman jokes lightly.

"Now about you still being at your friend Kyle's-" Liane starts off but Cartman cuts her off. "Oh shit yeah, I gotta take a shower and get changed."

"You do what you need to do honey," Liane says, and walks back to her mirror to take off any makeup she has left on her face.

Cartman takes long showers. He says he doesn't mean to, but it usually happens anyways. Twenty minutes later he gets out of the shower and walks to his bedroom to find clothes to put on.

He eyes a dark blue shirt and a pair of black pants, and decides it's fine day to look 'swag.'

Putting them on he walks to his mirror to check himself out one last time before he walks back to Kyles.

Right before he opens his bedroom door to leave, in the corner of his eye he sees his signature red jacket thrown in his bed, from where he last left it on Friday night.

'You know what? Yeah', he thinks to himself, before quickly snatching his jacket and running out the door.

While walking over to Kyles again and throws on his jacket and feels the warmth it gave him over the years.

Cartmans house really far away from Kyle's house, so it doesn't take forever to get there, much to Cartman's delight.

He feels like since it's only Kyle there, he lets himself in and announces to Kyle. "Honey, I'm home!" He hears rustling upstairs and a few seconds later he sees Kyle walking down towards him.

"Changing clothes does not take an hour," Kyle says upsetly. "Sorry, I took a shower, and I had to talk to my mom," Cartman says, making Kyle feel a little guilty.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know she was home."

"Yeah, she just came home, so I'm on the same boat as you," Cartman says rubbing his face with his hand. "She's a piece of work."

"All Cartman's are it seems," Kyle teases. "Hey! I am literally so amazing, you're just jealous my swag overpowers your nonexistent swag!" Cartman boasts.

"My nonexistent swag?' Kyle asks laughing. "So I have no swag, is that right?"

Cartman laughs and responds back, with exaggerated crossed arms and a shit eating smirk. "That's 100% correct, you wouldn't know what swag is until it comes up and runs you over with a semi."

"Oh yeah, I'll bet," Kyle says sarcastically while turning to sit down on the couch. Cartman soon follows and sits right next to him.

It was silent for a whole five minutes until Kyle breaks the silence to ask a pretty loaded question. "Your mom okay?"

Cartman sighs and responds with a small smile. "Yeah, she's fine. Well, in my standards she's fine. A psychologist though? I dunno."

"That's good, at least she's okay," Kyle says back with a smile too. Cartman would rather talk about anything else than her right now so he decides to change topic.

"So, Nature Fucker and Food Stamps, they coming yet?" Cartman asks

"It's funny, you rarely call them those types of nicknames in front of their faces unless you're mad at them, also, yeah they should be here soon," Kyle mentions.

It's true, unless they pissed him off, or he's joking with Kyle, it's always Stan and Kenny, not Hippie and Welfare, or Tree Hugger and Poor Boy.

"That's because if I call them their lovely nicknames, they'll probably cry or go die somewhere," Cartman chides, knowing damn well they never cried once over his nicknames.

"Oh whatever, you love them," Kyle teases. "Ever since you turned 12 or 13 your whole attitudes improved, I'm proud."

"I don't love Emo Hippie and President Poverty, they fucking suck, and two, I uh. Proud is a very big stretch-" Cartman blushes.

"No it isn't, im actually very proud of you, we all are. You were a menace as a kid, but you're actually a really good person. I guess you've always been I just had to dig deep to find it," Kyle says, saying immediately what's in his mind.

Cartman at this point had to look away because he couldn't stop blushing, he didn't expect to hear all that. "You think your voice is so amazing, don't you?"

Kyle knows he's trying to deflect, so he tries harder. He turns his whole body towards Cartman and trudges on. "I'm honestly so happy that you've been here since Kindergarten, and never left," Kyle says, now scooting closer to Cartman. "I know you, I've known you for twelve years, and now," Kyle is now cupping Cartman's face with both hands, startling Cartman and making him blush even more than he already was, Kyle proceeds. "I can know you forever, if you'd let me."

Kyle presses his lips onto Cartman's, and Cartman just melts under Kyle.

God, I fucking love him, Cartman thinks to himself.

Just then multiple knocks came from the door, and they wouldn't stop. Knowing it was the boys, it made Cartman accidentally push Kyle off of him, which felt like deva vu to him, and ran to the door.

Kyle frowned at that, but still kept his composure when Cartman opened the door.

"Hiii!!!" Kenny yells out, running past Cartman and jumping up on Kyle. "Hi mom!" "Hi, Kenny," Kyle says, putting a hand on Kenny head.

"Wassup dude," Stan says to Cartman. "Wassup," Cartman pulls something out of his pocket and 'pretends' to give Stan a handshake, when really...

"You fucking suck, you damn hippie," Cartman whispers.

Stan let's go and in his hand is twenty bucks, two tens. "Right back at ya, fatass." After, he smiles and walks towards to Kyle giving him a hug too.

"Hey Ky," Stan says warmingly. Kyle smiles and hugs back, "God it's been weeks, how's the farm?" Stan groans, but still smiles through. "It fucking sucks, but I'll be okay."

"Ohhhh Ohohoh Cartman! Follow me!" Kenny says pulling Cartman's arm. "Aye, what the fuck?" "Weeeeeed!" Kenny whispers. Cartman is at crossroads. Smoke with Kenny and Stan, make Kyle pissed, or Don't smoke with Kenny and Stan, be sober and hate life. "Later!"

"What are you two being so secretive about?" Stan asks the two. "Bro we are talking about the good good!" Kenny whisper yells. Stan looks at Kenny, then Cartman, then Kyle, who by the way, looks irritated already. "Ky listen-"

"I expect it from those two, but you know better," Kyle says waving his finger at Stan. "I can't help that I have an addictive personality!" Stan exclaims. "Yes you can, by not encouraging them and doing it with them!" Kyle yells back.

"Kyle come oooon, weed can't kill you! It just makes us better dude!" Kenny desputes. Kyle looks at Kenny like he's just stupid and responds back. "It doesn't make you better, it makes you all giggly and stupid."

"Ugh Kyle you're killing us here!" Cartman finally talks, letting go of Kenny grasp and walking towards Kyle, bending down to his eye level. "Aren't you tired of being so stuck up? Don't you just want to have fun and live a little, jew?"

"It's not about that, it's the principal of it," Kyle answers. "If you three must, just don't force me to-"

Stan cuts him off. "Of course not dude, we know none of this is in your ballpark, you're good."

"Yeah mom, we won't make ya unless you wanna!" Kenny says wrapping his arm around Kyle's shoulders. Cartman gives him a 'let go of him or I'll kill you' type of look, and sadly let's go.

"You three I swear-" Kyle states. "All of you! All of you are children!"

"That's why you're mom! You take care of us!" Kenny says excitingly.

"Unfortunately," Kyle responds back, walking towards the stairs. "Unless you three want to be complete idiots now, by all means stay down here and be complete idiots, but I'm going to my bedroom to watch movies, if you three feel like joining me."

Cartman annoyingly sighs. "Kyle, you fucking suck, you are literally a buzzkill." Kyle looks at Cartman, anger starting to rise. "Don't fucking start, Cartman-" "Okay okay, don't fight, we're coming," Stan says, trying to be the devil's advocate. He starts walking but Cartman and Kenny don't move. "Come on!" Stan fastly whispers. That makes the two move, and up all them go upstairs and into Kyle's bedroom.

They all sit on the floor with Cartman on the right, then Kenny next to him, then Stan next to Kenny and Kyle next to Stan at the other end.

"What are we gonna watch, mom?" Kenny asks Kyle, with a confused face. "It's called the Butterfly Room, I heard it's insanely scary!" Kyle says excitingly forming a big smile on his face.

Insanely scary?

Oh fuck.

Cartman doesn't know if he can handle insanely scary. Especially not in front of the guys.

"Dude that sounds so awesome!" Stan says excitingly too.

"If it's bad, I'm going kick your ass," Cartman says to Kyle, which annoys Kyle greatly. "You want to do that anyway, jackass" "Yeah but this will top the cake, you fucking jew." Cartman replies.

The movie starts and so far it's fine, it's creepy but Cartman can handle creepy.

Cartman is so happy that it's the afternoon, and not night time. Insanely scary things are insanely scarier at night.

About an hour in and Cartman is trying his best not to take his eyes off the movie, in hopes the guys won't see how internally freaked out he is.

It didn't take long though for Kyle to find out, and the following conversation happened.

"Kenny, we went grocery shopping a few days ago, make all of us something."

Kenny gets up off the floor and exasperates, "Oh yes! Free food, hell yeah!"

"Stan-"

Stan proceeds to get up and cut Kyle off, pulling him a reassuring smile, "Don't worry, I'm going, no need to make an excuse,"

It seems he already knows also.

The only ones in the room are now just Cartman and Kyle, sitting on the floor. Kyle is looking at Cartman, and Cartman is looking anywhere but Kyle.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm perfect," Cartman responds a little too coldly, still not looking at Kyle.

"Yeah, I'm so sure," Kyle deadpans. He gets up off the floor and sits on his bed, feet dangling off the floor a little bit. "You could have just told me you didn't want to watch it-"

"Yeah because telling you something so goddamn retarded is really easy for me," Cartman says glaring daggers at Kyle.

Kyle didn't mean to, but his anger started to flare up again. "I don't know what you're so pissed off at me for! It's not like I forced you to watch it with us!"

"I'm not pissed off at you,"

"Seems like it,"

"It always seems like it, doesn't it?" Cartman asks, lying face up on the floor, looking at Kyle with a face mixed up of fear and anger.

Kyle felt guilty for getting so mad, but he can't really help it. "I thought you could have handled it-" He said, accidentally riling him up.

"It's not about me handling it or not, it's about not wanting to look like a pussy in front of the guys, so I decided to watch it anyway!"

Oh, so that's the reason

Fuck

"I'm sorry," Kyle says, trying to calm down his irritation.

"There's no reason to be sorry, you didn't do anything," Cartman says while sitting back up, trying to shake his nerves.

"The guys will leave in a few hours anyway.." Kyle starts off. "After, you wanna.."

Cartman looks at Kyle who looks embarrassed, and gleefully smirks at him. "Oho? Are you asking to halfway fuck me?"

Kyle blushes at what Cartman says and stumbles on his words. "halfway fu- no, I- yes Cartman, that's exactly what I'm asking you." He deadpans.

Cartman laughs at Kyle blushing. "Good, because if I asked you, it would have been depressing."

"Depressing?"

"Yeah."

"How exactly is you asking me to make out with you depressing?" Kyle asks, confused

"Because!" Cartman yells out, making Kyle jump. "I'm like the super mega awesome cool one, and you're the frail dainty charmer! It's only obvious I wouldn't ask!"

"I am not frail and dainty, jackass!" Kyle yells out, pointing at Cartman. "Wasn't it just two days ago you asked me if we can make out? Wouldn't that make your excuse invalid?"

"No because even if I did ask you, just because it would be depressing, doesn't mean you'd say no, now wouldn't it?" Cartman asked, ending his question with a smirk.

Kyle blushes again and is baffled by what Cartman said. "I don't say yes everytime..."

"No, but now that I know you absolutely adore me, all those no's are completely erased!" Cartman says joyfully.

"Wait wha-" Kyle had no time to react, when Cartman practically jumps off the floor and crushes Kyle in a big strong hug.

"Cartman, get off!" Kyle says, laughing while talking. Cartman starts to laugh too, while Kyle is trying to get out of Cartman's grasp. If Kyle really wanted to, he'd be out of Cartman's arms by now, but it seems Kyle is enjoying this small moment too.

"But I loooooove you! Don't ruin my moment!" Cartman dramatically says. Kyle stops trying to move and just hugs Cartman right back. "You're a moron." Kyle says with a big warm smile on his face.

They wouldn't know this, but behind the bedroom door lies Stan and Kenny who are listening to pretty much everything Kyle and Cartman were saying. Stan is more shocked than anything, and Kenny is in a laughing fit.

"Kenny quietly down, they will hear you!" Stan loudly whispers. Stan whacks Kenny's arm and he tries to quiet down. "Dude I told you they would fuck, it's just a matter of time!"

"Kyle and Cartman, huh." Stan tries to piece together. "They're total opposites."

"Not really when you think about it. They're both smart and hot-headed," Kenny tries to reason. "They fight so much because they're more alike than anyone."

Stan stands there for a second or two just listening to Kyle and Cartman laugh and compliment each other.

Kenny starts to smile and rubs his hands together all evil like. "Lets ruin their fun time!" Kenny says and busts open the door, running into the bedroom, leaving Stan surprised.

"Ken, wait!"

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Been Here All Along

Author: Sandy Hall

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | Drama | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: (Brief) Homophobia

Overall Rating: 9.1/10

Personal Opinion: Let’s be real, you can’t go wrong with childhood best friends to lovers. The chemistry is practically built in and this particular book is so sweet. Like, tooth-achingly sweet. You’ll fall in love with Gideon and Kyle falling in love with each other. Even if it took them years to realize they’re attracted to each other.

Couple Classification: Gideon Berko X Kyle Kaminsky = Nerd X Nerd/Jock

Do I Own This Book? No.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- It’s very sweet. Like almost tooth-achingly sweet. It’s very swoon-worthy too because I can see why these two love each other so much. Best friends to lovers might actually be my favorite trope of all time because I really don’t think you can go wrong. Their chemistry is just on display 24/7 and it’s super cute. Plus, they also have size difference too and a modern nerd-jock dynamic. As opposed to the classic nerd-jock dynamic where the jock is a bully.

- The Truth or Dare part was so good. The fact that Kyle’s dare was “Kiss the person you want to kiss most in the room” and it wasn’t his girlfriend but his presumed straight best friend. And then Gideon chose truth and came out to them all and Kyle suddenly realized he had a chance. That he hadn’t imagined that moment they’d shared on Gideon’s birthday. And then Kyle fucking gave Gideon the dare (written on paper) and I was just so giddy and gushy over it!

- Ruby is a bit of an enigma but I’m glad, when Lilah sent that mass text, she decided to fix the problem immediately. She found the binder, made sure Kyle read through it, and also apologized for every wrong she had committed. She also dumped her old friends and sat with Gideon every day to make sure he wasn’t alone when the rest of the school was basically shunning him. I respect her. I also respect that she refused to tolerate Josh calling her ex-boyfriend and her ex’s new bf pansies without hesitation. I do think she’s a good person and I’m honestly proud of her.

- Everything about the Berkos is amazing. They’re such a good and affectionate family. Not only is Ezra such a great and supportive big brother but the fact that Gideon gave him that welcome home hug made me so mushy inside because it shows how close they are. Like even if Ezra found his brother annoying sometimes, he really did look out for him. He was a protector of Gideon’s secrets and he also encouraged his little brother to go after things he wanted. He’s a good guy. Even though he’s sort of, kind of dating his little brother’s boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. It’d be so funny for Gideon if Ruby became his sister-in-law though. And then there are, of course, his parents who don’t care that he’s gay and think he’s a good fit with Kyle.

- I love that both Gideon and Kyle made lists about all the things they love about each other. It’s so sweet and I love it so much because it shows us just how tight their bond is. And how important it is.

- The extras at the end of the book are hilarious too. I mean, Gideon really thought there was a member of 1D named Larry when that’s actually just the Louis and Harry ship name while Gideon was offended that Kyle found Harry Styles attractive at all.

- Their first date was watching The Lion King in the park and since that’s my all-time favorite Disney movie, I love it. They get bonus points from me for that.

- Buster! I love him. He’s so damn secure in his sexuality. He’s a dudebro and a jock and yet he’s one of Kyle’s other best friends and is super supportive of him and cares about him and is just such a chill and insightful dude.

Dislikes:

- Ruby, girl. You are self-centered and mildly daft. I respect you in the end overall but the way you made Kyle’s coming out about you was just wrong. And then how you had the urge to basically ruin Gideon’s life because he has everything you want. That’s not his fucking fault! But anyway, I digress. I still respect you.

- Gideon, boy, you are mildly judgmental of people and that rubs me off the wrong way. But more importantly, why did he just never consider that he was on the ace spectrum? Demisexual, hello! It would make sense why he finds Kyle attractive and no one else. Also, his mom said she was worried he’d be alone? The fuck! You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship ever to not be alone your whole life. Friends are important too, damn it.

- Speaking of which, I do not like how Gideon’s friends essentially abandoned him after the list fiasco without even giving him a chance to explain himself. Then again, he never responded to his friends’ texts but still. At least they eventually came back and I can assume, with Gideon and Kyle being back together, that the rest of the school realized  the list was a misunderstanding. Also I feel like Lilah should get some sort of consequence for doing that to begin with? Ruby’s right, it was none of their fucking business to begin with. And she even told Lilah not to do a damn thing and she still did it!

[heckinhacker]

Heyy may i request bff headcanons for Kyle, Cartman, Craig & Tweek? If that’s too much characters, then just Kyle please :)

Kyle, Cartman, Craig and Tweek - Best Friends Forever headcanons!

A/N: Honestly, south park is rare on this blog so no, no problem at all! Wanted to write it sooner but writer’s block T~T’ 

Rest is under the cut cuz it might get long-

Kyle Broflovski

As I always say, South Park is a shithole and finding some REAL friends might be hard.

Kyle sometimes doubts his own existence, or everyone else’s. Literally. That’s how bizzare things are happening here. 

He cannot trust anybody, maybe Stan only. But sometimes he doubts him too. (Brutal truth) 

So seeing someone honestly concerned about him, and being stubborn at it, would make him soften up pretty quickly. 

As long as you’re not a Cartman, you’re fine. 

Maybe he didn’t start right off bat to spill his secrets out, but he invited you to hang outs more often when he realised you’re fine. 

The most of trust he shows when he invites you over his place. Without anyone else. Just you two. 

Nothing over-friendly line, you just laugh at stupid youtube videos, share some memes, tell some stories you somewhere read or heard. Friend things. 

If you prefer to stay inside, say goodbye to the comfort of your room. Kyle LOVES long walks, and he forces you to go with him. “It’s more healthy than ‘taking a walk’ simulator, [Y/N]!”. 

Long walks - long talks. 

Kyle never shuts up. No matter what. You know something’s wrong when he does. 

Kyle realised you’re his BESTIE FOR LIFE when Hanukkah was hitting close in the calendar. That time of the year he talks to noone since everyone celebrates Christmas. 

But you? You, beside spending time with family, decided to gain some knowledge about Hanukkah. 

You searched in the internet, asked Kyle’s parents, you just tried your best. And decided to surprise your best friend with Hanukkah gifts. Well, if you’re at it, you should get something for his parents and Ike too. 

Your pocket money cried fo mercy, but you had none. 

Everyone expected  your arrival but Kyle. 

And boy, was he emotional?? He had TEARS in his eyes. But he’d never addmit that. 

After that he’s loyal to you as FUCK. 

Anyone picks a fight with you? No need to strain your arms, Kyle is already at it. 

Someone made you sad? Emotional support Kyle right away. 

Cartman always teases you that you love yourselves so much you should date!

But you’re both comfortable with things the way they are now. 

Eric Cartman

From this four? The easiest one to befriend. 

Noone really stays around enough to get to know the deepest of him for him to call someone best friend. 

But here you are. 

Cartman is not very secretive when he likes someone. He just brags and brags about himself and his most private things. Just because he’s that egocentric. 

Not the best of friend material, really? His advices are shitty, mostly he’s the reason you’re sad or hurting, but you just stay beside him anyway, God knows why but he doesn’t. 

When he’s NOT the reason you want to cry, you can sit beside him and cry yourself out, he’d let you lean on his shoulder. Maybe he’d be silent, but he’d hear you out. 

If that’s what you want, he’s more than enough. 

Please don’t be chaotic duo with him one Cartman in South Park is enough.

BUT if you’re as rude as him, South Park is done with you two. You’re inseparable. 

Miss Cartman loves you as much as her own child, she’s just so grateful someone takes care of her Eric and is not here only for...any other reason.

You’re the only one person that Cartman knows that when picks on him and laughs at him, it’s for jokes, never for reals. 

That’s why he’s the most comfortable with you, to be honest. 

Too lazy for walks, but will go out when he has some bigger purpose than just wandering around, doing nothing. 

Craig Tucker

Almost the hardest to befriend. He’d be the most difficult, but we have Tweek on the list. 

Feels bad. 

Noone had any clue WHY are you trying so hard. Even his group sometimes have hard time figuring Craig out. 

He was very cold to you at first. 

He was worried you’d put him through some weird shit, like main four did. And he’d hate that. 

If you want to befriend him, you have to get trust of Token. At least. 

Don’t start with Clyde, Clyde likes everyone (almost), so you’d be nothing new, Craig will still ignore you. 

When Token, on the other hand, says you’re cool, you have to be. Craig would groan, but would try ot hang out with you normally. Well, as normal as he can. 

You knew he acts somehow different, so you held into that thought, trying to get to know him even further. 

“Why are you trying so hard?” - he’d once ask you when you stayed behind, when Craig was packing his things the slowest. You were alone. 

“ Well, you’re always beside people, but you still look alone. That looks like it hurts, so I want to help to stop it.”

“Weird.” he just answered and started walking out of classroom, you beside him. 

Well you weren’t wrong? He bottled his emotions inside, with noone to know about that. Even himself. 

“He’s just like that”, they’d say. 

Maybe he is, but he still has to have some kind of emotions, right? He’s a human being, after all. 

Maybe his emotional needs are not as big as for others, but they do, indeed, exist. 

Best advice giver. Plus he can help you out of panic attack. He’s REALLY good at it. He’s best friends with Tweek after all. 

If you make him actually more than tolerate you, trust me you’re safe and sound with this dude. 

Rely on Craig Tucker. 

He’s a ‘stay inside’ type of dude too. Watch some things together in silence, talk a little but not too much, just...vibing together.

Unlike Tweek, he’s okay to go outside though. To take some photos maybe, take in fresh air. 

Pro tip: never make small talks with him. He hates them. 

Tweek Tweak

my absolute favouritest boi

The hardest to befriend out of everyone. Literally.

He has big, BIG trust issues. 

Don’t force him into anything. Seriously. 

Small steps. Baby steps, even. 

Try to hang around him in Tweek Bro’s. Or at school where others are at. 

Never try to be with him alone at the beggining. Dude will freak out.

He generally freaks out when he notices you being around him most of the time.

“Y-you having any problem?? I’ve got an eye on you, you won’t kidnap me! My friends already know who to suspect when I’m-!”

“Tweek.”

“Wh-What?!”

“I don’t want to kidnap you, man. I just want to see how you’re doing. 

“...oh.” 

Still doesn’t trusts you, but relaxes. You’re in public place, after all. Many other people would see if you’d plan something on him. 

It takes a shitton of time for him to warm up to you. You see every single sign of him trusting you. 

Inviting you to hangouts with friends? Small step. 

Asking if you’d come when he’s working? Even bigger step. 

Damn, noone’s here beside you? He invited only you? Friendship points!! 

You know he considers you as a friend when he invites you over to his house. He never did that. When he asks if you want to come, you almost cry. 

You took your time and got sweetest boy as a friend. 

He notices the smallest changes in you, so when you’re feeling down by even slightest, he’d point that out. 

Advices are almost pointless, he cannot help himself, so helping others is even worse, but he tries to act like Craig acts when you open up to him. 

It’s so noticable you smile right away. Tweek tries his best.

He sometimes gives you free coffee. “It’s on me”, he says. He’s scared of what will his dad say, but you can count it as a payment. He doesn’t get paid for three people’s work on his shoulders, so he has rights to do what he wants. 

Prefers to stay inside. 

Big events and parties are a big no-no. 

He can force himself into big event happening somewhere close to South Park, but parties are NEVER an option. 

I’ll just mention, but boy do I hate Tweek’s surrname?? It feels like he’s a joke but he’s so important to so many people it’s sad-

[ruffiorocks]

Trying to understand Catra

Just re-watching season 1 episode 11 and this one really does give you an insight into why Catra is the way she is.

The first time you watch the childhood memories of Catra and Adora you just see Adora looking out for Catra (at least I did) but then this time round now that I've seen the final season I'm seeing more in this episode.

Those memories aren't just Adora looking out for Catra, yeah sure is being a best friend to her, but that's not all that's happening. The pickles Catra gets into are only ever resolved because Adora is there to help or speak up for her.

The training memory shows that Catra, despite being treated like garbage and not having much of a connection with anyone but Adora is actually really good at combat, she shines here, but she just can't outshine Adora. But she doesn't act bitter about it to Adora's face, she's supportive and then goes to let out her frustrations in the changing room.

The worst one is the scene where Catra and Adora go into the black garnet chamber and get caught by Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver doesn't think for a second to blame Adora or use magic on her or threaten her. It's automatically Catra's fault. Shadow Weaver threatens a little child. She actually tells Catra she will "dispose of her" herself if she hinders Adora's future in any way. She tell her that she only tolerates Catra because Adora is fond of her. That is quite horrific when you really think about it! Does Shadow Weaver hold any of the other orphans or cadets to these standards? Or is it just a personal vendetta against one child? Catra is told her place in the Horde, heck her very life is all dependent on her being in Adora's good graces. Catra can't shine now even if she truly wanted to, because of the risk it presents.

Shadow Weaver tell Adora she has to keep better control of Catra. Catra is there listening to this and it comes across as though Adora is her "keeper" . She is effectively Adora's "pet" so it's no wonder she lashes out.

When the memory ends Adora tells Catra she could come and join the rebellion and then she gets irritated that Catra doesn't just leave Shadow Weaver. But it's not the same for Catra as it was for Adora. I don't really like going into abuse themes, but if I don't someone will mention it. So here goes, we didn't see Adora being abused by Shadow Weaver, she is the golden girl, everyone likes her and even when she does something wrong it's blamed on Catra. Heck it reminds me of the old practice of having a "whipping boy" you can't punish royalty so you punish their servant in the hope they behave themselves.

Catra on the other hand is shown to be abused by Shadow Weaver, it's not as easy for someone to walk away from their abuser. It's all Catra knows and as we've seen, Catra has a bit of Stockholm syndrome where Shadow Weaver is concerned. She still wants her approval, she tells her not to worry when Hordak is mad and even when Shadow Weaver is locked up, Catra can't help but keep going to visit her. She's even heart broken when Shadow Weaver leaves, and who does she go to? Straight to Adora.

When Adora leaves the only thing Shadow Weaver cares about is getting her back and once again blaming Catra for something that Adora chose to do. Hordak on the other hand doesnt care about getting Adora back and he gives Catra something that she has never had before, he gives her chance to shine! He SEES her! Even when Adora goes to rescue Glimmer and Bow Shadow Weaver is ecstatic because she can erase Adora's mind and she tells Catra she's no longer relevant because Adora is back. It does explain why Catra let's Adora go and why she tells Adora this, Catra doesn't want and can't stand the idea of going back to being just "Adora's Pet".

Her relationship with Scorpia is a harsh one. But Scorpia isn't the cute, innocent little baby she's presented as. Scorpia willingly works for the Horde, she has no problem joining Catra in her missions to take the rebellion out. It's Scorpia that plants the heat bombs at the Princess Prom and uses her tail to sting Bow and Glimmer so they can be kidnapped. We just don't like to see her that way because she's funny, and sweet and likes to give warm hugs.

We can see moments where Catra enjoys being with Scorpia, where she's almost allowing herself to be real friends with her. But then she's pulled back and resorts to her defence mechanism of being an ass. Scorpia wants to protect her, hug her, take care of her, BUT that is exactly what Adora did. To me, even though Catra's behaviour isn't right, it's her not wanting to create that kind of a bond again because losing Adora was too much for her but at the same time it kind of freed her. She also doesn't want to become reliant on someone having to protect her all the time because thats what she's had to live with her entire life. What if Scorpia decides to leave like Adora did? It's a vicious , unhealthy cycle. She's also so obsessed with getting her job done and shining because now she can, she has Hordaks approval, she's taken her abusers place and suddenly has all this power and it goes to her head because what happens if she fails? She even gets rid of Entrapta because Entrapta won't let her proceed with the plan to open the portal, Catra is of course totally in the wrong but she's so far down the path she can't let go anymore. Sure she causes a lot of damage, but later on Glimmer causes a major issue when she trusts Shadow Weaver and messes with the Heart of Etheria because she's gone to far down a path she shouldn't have gone as well.

These memories, the one where Adora tells her nothing can just them as long as they have eachother is clearly something Catra had to rely on her whole life. Then suddenly Adora and that promise were gone. Catra had to be Adora's obedient pet the whole time they were in the Fright Zone, but that also means she had to believe the things Adora did and make sure she proved it, and that's a belief in the Horde.

People like to talk about the brain washing Hordak went through with Horde Prime. But what about the brain washing the orphans and cadets went through in the Fright Zone? Lonnie, Kyle, Regalio? They all happily fought for the Horde and took joy in taking down towns in season 4.

We always see Catra being both nice and an ass to Adora throughout the series. But to me it shows the conflict in Catra. She loves Adora, but part of her know she's Adora's pet and she rebels against this and takes it out on Adora, but the other part loves Adora and can't bear to be away from her. Adora doesn't understand it because all she sees is herself being treated very well and always saving Catra. She doesn't see what Catra really goes through, even though she knows that she's treated bad. Adora then gets a destiny, a life changing field trip and a bunch of new friends, then she just leaves and expects Catra to leave with her. But Catra doesn't have the same experience as Adora, all she sees is her best friend/The only reason she's still alive abandoning everything they were both dedicated to.

At the end of the episode Catra makes a choice, she can either wallow and want Adora back, or let go of Adora and move on. Catra tells Adora what living in her shadow is like and Adora is acting like it's the first time she has ever considered how everything affected Catra, she apologises but to Catra it's to late.

Scorpia tells Entrapta that Catra is the best friend ever, and you can see Catra stop for a second but we don't see her face. You can tell this comment has stopped her in her tracks, perhaps she does want to be a best friend again on her own merit, but she just won't allow herself to go down that road again. But this is ultimately the thing that causes her to lose everything.

Anyway, rant over, I'm glad it all ended happily 😊

[kazbrkker]

Chapter 8: Second Chances

Chapter summary: Aftermaths of the Wolf’s escape & two painfully, oblivious pining idiots. 

Warnings: mention of stitches, old scars. (3502 words)

28 October 2019, 2330 "Alexis" and "Alex" | Codename Aces CIA with SAS and Urzik militia Sakhra, Urzikstan

    "Stop moving," Alia grumbled exasperatedly for the fifth time. Her nimble fingers were supposed to make stitching up Alexis' gnarly forehead gash easy—if she could stay still. Then again, nobody could sit still through that without anaesthetic.

Begging for a distraction, Alexis' teeth scraped against her pale lips and her fingernails subconsciously dup deeper into Farah's arm with every stitch.

"I don't know why you do this without painkillers," Alia mumbled absentmindedly, every movement meticulous. It went unanswered, for Alexis refused to supply the 16-year-old with more horror. A few more stitches later, the young girl leaned back and smiled.

Thank Heavens. High pain tolerance, sure, but needles... Alexis was wise enough to stay far away.

Alexis' impatiently patted the medical gauze, nodding at the decent patch-up. Of course the Marines had professional medics on deck, but when Alexis awoke, she felt responsible for Alia's red-rimmed eyes and loud sniffles. So, pain be damned.

Alia scowled, swatting her nosy hand, "No! Do you want an infection?"

"I am older than you," Alexis reminded.

"Yes. More stupid too."

Bewildered, her neck craned towards Farah, jaw-slacked at the commander's blatant shrug in agreement. Overwhelmed by the thunderous support, "This is a mutiny of some sorts..."

"Uh-oh, your boyfriend is coming," the young girl loudly announced. Her accusation reeled stares from closer bystanders.

Heat found its way to Alexis' cheeks, spreading under Farah and Alia's teasing grins. Dizziness soon trickled in, forcing her to blink rapidly in an attempt to concentrate past the nasty headache. "Alex is not my boyfriend."

"Did I say it was Alex?"

Farah huffed, bumping fists with the younger. The conniving duo displayed megawatt smiles when Alex and Kyle came into hearing distances. Holding a box of ration packs, Kyle gestured for them to take their pick. That knocked their smugness off.

Alex plopped beside her, eating out of his rations. "Tell me you feel better," he more than demanded, giving her battered state a once-over. His eyes lingered on her forehead.

"Am I supposed to lie?"

A shadow flickered past his face, "Should I bench you?"

"Yes, if you wish to die in your sleep," her quick movements to snatch away his wristwatch communicator intensified the pain. "Although blunt force trauma is not as deadly as this headache."

"Crack another joke and I'll deliver you to Price," Alex threatened at her lightheartedness. Though his menace soon faltered at her radiant grin.

"Boss is not in a good mood," Kyle chimed in.

"Mutiny..." Alexis mumbled. "Fine, no more jokes about concussions."

The group chatted about their game plan for tomorrow when a rude growling stomach sounded. It certainly didn't go unnoticed by Alex, who willingly gave up his rations. Packaged pasta had never tasted better, she mumbled gratefully, "Have I ever told you how amazing you are?"

Alex laughed, "Now I know you hit your head too hard."

"Would you be open to the idea of getting matching injuries?"

"Are you flirting with me?"

"No, it's just in season," Alexis shook her head, bemused. "Shut up and eat your veggies, you're giving me another headache."

The scorching look of triumph was clear in Farah and Alia's expressions and for the same reason, she purposefully evaded their eyes.

"I thought the CIA frowned upon dating in the circle?" Kyle asked casually.

The unexpectable question forced her to choke, coughing loud enough to render someone patting her back. Alexis flushed at his concern, aware of the stutter in his pats. Both CIA agents were red, and boy, were Farah and Alia having a field day.

Alexis prayed her face was the usual controlled indifference. This wasn't the first time someone mislabelled their friendship, so why was this suddenly a big deal? "Yup. They hate it."

Kyle's lips formed an 'o' upon realisation, "Sorry, I thought you two were..."

Alex cleared his throat, "That's a popular opinion."

"Maybe everybody has a point. You did call her baby–" Alia cheekily added.

You little...

Alexis gently slapped a hurried palm against her mouth, muffling the jocular giggles from the young woman. It didn't stop her from cheekily winking at the group. Other than the two in cynosure, the others wore matching grins.

Perhaps they were playing matchmakers, but right now, her priority was to dig herself a hole.

From the unreadable look on Alex's face, he felt the same. When Alia tried to wrestle out of her grips, she thought the reddish hue on his face was a figment of her imagination. Yet if it wasn't, he sure didn't spare her the glory with this knowledge, as his head swiftly lowered to observe the hardwood floor panels.

Witnessing him this taciturn was a rare sight. Before she could entertain her illusions that maybe her friends were onto something, Price yelled for Kyle.

The tension in the air snapped.

"Get some rest. We need energy to catch the Wolf tomorrow," Farah gave a friendly side hug, saving Alex from Alia's nagging reminders about her stitches. He replied with a salute.

And then there were two.

"She's awfully like you," Alex smiled. Spitfire personality, dauntless and stubborn.

"Hopefully not, I'm a horrible person," she joked wearily, eyes losing in a battle against the slurry languor that washed over her. Coupled with the splitting headache, she wrangled between climbing upstairs to find a bed or staying here. The latter almost won until she was hoisted up.

"Don't bother, you're not walking," came Alex's reply and she obliged. When she reopened her eyes, Alex had already sat her down a bed to unlace her boots. She carelessly slithered her sweaty top off her skin.

They squeezed into a tightly-confined shower, sighing in bliss as warm cascades of water enveloped them, splashing the warfare away. Her arms looped contentedly around Alex's neck as he started to wash her blood-crusted hair, careful to shield her head wound.

"Hi," Alex wore a suspicious smile.

She sighed, "Here we go."

"Damn right. You have an immaculate talent for making people worried."

"Why thank you..."

Goosebumps raised as he silkened down her arms, tracing the red streaks clearly shaped from her nails. The way his dark eyes fastened on her made her heartstrings twitch nervously, "You could have died."

She laughed humourlessly. "You think too little of me."

"I'm serious, never do that again. You run into anything you can't handle..."

"I had him under control," she retorted.

"Clearly not enough."

"The bastard got to me. My fault, okay? I messed up. I don't need another reminder," she snapped, and the hands in her hair stopped. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Sure you did," he nodded, not in the slightest offended. The fact that someone managed to one-up her caught his attention instead, "What did he say?"

Now Alexis suspected he could read minds. "Why did you think he said something?"

"Call it a hunch."

Alexis sighed, not fond to revisit her failure. "Alex..."

That was her warning, and he took it. "Just saying, I've never seen Price that worried."

She closed her eyes and shook her head dismissively, "He's just annoyed he'll have to answer to Maddox and Forbes. I'm a prized possession."

The cubicle echoed with their laughs.

Alex worked past the scars that littered her body, leaving trails of soap bubbles. He could pinpoint them with his eyes closed, yet with today's new additions, he had more to commit to memory. His thumb brushed over a spot on her upper right thigh, smirking at the slight shudder he induced but more so at the memory.

Was she nervous?

Hearing Alexis' hoarse voice confirmed his suspicions, "Remember this?"

"'course, you took a bullet for me," Alex said, still glazing over the raised bump.

August 2016, Brazil. 30 grand bounty over their heads. They played a dangerous game of cat and mouse with the entire city. A mercenary almost tore through his kneecaps until she knocked him out of the line of fire.

A charming smirk reappeared, "Few things say "I love you" like a bullet to a non-essential area."

She snorted, punching his chest. Cloudy mist floated around them, the water was too hot, almost scorching. Or maybe it was his warmth, she guessed. Her mind was foggy, only thinking how much endurance she had to not bask in the feeling of his coarse hands.

Then again, she was a soldier. Willpower was all she got.

Maybe not, her hormones decided. As hard as she tried to toss the raunchy thoughts, Alex made it difficult. Especially his arms... she was a real sucker for strong arms. The temperature was sweltering and with their bare bodies practically pressed together was not aiding.

"Switch," was all she said before she forcefully flipped them, leaving her under the running water—hoping it would clear her mind. Hasty fingers weaved in his wet hair, her turn to bathe him.

"Nasty scar," she picked up their conversation, "Scares people away."

"Maybe you should revaluate your definitions of a partner," Alex scoffed, "Scars are god damn sexy."

"In theory, I must be sexy as hell."

Hm. You have no idea.

The bullet scrap on her arm healed nicely by now—still an open wound, though it no longer hurt when she raised her arms. Useful to know, as she foamed his hair. Her gaze traced the numerous tattoos across Alex's body, eventually landing on his chest.

Her favourite tattoo of his—a butterfly.

Butterflies are the universe's proof that second chances exist, this stuck with her ever since she read that somewhere in a digest.

A similar tattoo rested along the sides of her ribcage, accompanied by an eye on top of it. The idea struck her when she finally made Lieutenant. It felt symbolic, a parting gift to her old life.

She always had a sneaking suspicion Alex wanted a matching tattoo but was too afraid or embarrassed to say it. He'd chat her ears off about parallel tattoos, as if she didn't pick up on it. So it was no surprise when one day, he suddenly showed up with a butterfly stuck on his chest.

It was a sweet gesture and thus made her way more resolute to not jeopardise their friendship. Tattoos were sacred to a man like Alex, who never stood a chance against Command. He'd make sure to find something he loved in every location he went, and inked it. His way of establishing control over his job—by remembering parts of the good.

Her finger skimmed past his butterfly before grabbing the showerhead to drown his hair clean. They were two people engrossed in good memories among warfare. And it felt liberating.

That was until she noticed he was looking at the prominent area on her chest.

Burnt flesh, the size of his palms, staring back at them.

The entire atmosphere shifted. A shiver of glacial magnitude rushed from her toes and her heart sank. The scar's jaggedness made her feel even more self-conscious.

Hot poker on her skin, an iron branding from the mob. If she closed her eyes, she could envision the exact scene. Fear not, if the mental baggage wasn't enough, there was a physical one.

"You deserve the best, you know that?" She didn't know which irked her more, the sympathy in his tone, or that he placed her on a pedestal.

I'm damaged goods, the thought fed her demons. So why do I deserve the best?

She peered at the man in front of her, every word earnest. He'd say it a million times and yet she wouldn't believe him.

Perhaps it was the head injury or hormones, but her eyes soon welled up with tears. Within seconds, what started out as small sniffs transformed into full streaks of tears. The tears blended into the stream of falling water but it was unmistakable.

The sight broke Alex's heart. Shattered it, really.

Silently, Alex switched off the faucet and dressed her. Every step jerked new tears that stained his bareback. At her quiet sobs, he berated what an idiot he was for reminding her.

The contact of soft mattress made her flinch. With tear-stained eyes, she gaped at the man who Omar Sulaman promised to kill and it almost made her whimper pathetically.

The malice thoughts stopped whispering when warm touch on her face descended her back to reality.

Alex.

"Yeah?" She hadn't realised she said it out loud.

"Stay with me," she implored. His head was already nodding, but it didn't satisfy her.

A hand shot out anxiously, "No, not this. You can't ever die on me." Her sudden request puzzled him. "Promise me."

"I promise," he said. "What happened, Alexan– Alexis?" Her birth name sat heavily on the tip of his tongue, almost escaping in his concern.

Over time, she'd built a reasonable resilience from Alex's relentless questionings, yet today her defenses lowered. "Back there... He said he'd kill you, he'll make me watch," she swallowed the rising bile. "And I let him go... Fuck."

Alexis felt like an utter failure. Not only did she fail to extract information about the stolen gas, but more people would suffer as a result of the Wolf's escape.

Losing the usual silver lining from her interrogations made her dangerously close to spiral out of control. In her mind, she unjustly tortured a man. And it was vile—even if that man was Omar Sulaman. Now, she found the line between her and her torturers blurred.

Though she didn't specify, Alex placed two and two together. "The Wolf?"

She merely nodded, still gripping his arm painfully like he'd slip away. The desperation her pleads carried haunted him.

"I'm going to fucking kill him," He saw red, only able to suppress his anger by making this promise. Without hesitation, he levelled their faces together, mumbling reassurance of I'm not going anywhere.

In the moonlight, Alex could still see the faint tint of pink that stained her nose—he compared it to the pink chrysanthemums he saw earlier today. How could anyone still look this enchanting while sobbing was a mystery to him, though he was staring right at the answer.

She never ceased to amaze him.

"I'm with you, okay? Always." This sentence never lost its genuineness. He'd do anything for her—the world begins and ends where she says so.

She felt his lips move against her ear, and her racing heart slowly composed itself from his assurance. Losing composure was uncommon for her, but even in this exception, she was sagacious enough to know the air between them had long changed.

Refusing to play host to her desire, her head stay lowered. She opted to wipe her tears and joked about how she didn't want his ghost to haunt her, hoping a distraction would alleviate her pounding heart.

Despite her prayers, Alex tilted her chin upwards to meet him, "Never happening."

They were so close. "Even when you're a ghost?"

"Mhm. I'm pretty hard to shake."

"You'd definitely be one of those annoying ghosts... With no sense of boundaries."

The magnetic allure of her lips called to him. On its own accord, his thumb ghosted ever so slightly over her parted lips, stealing a sharp breath from them both. They were dead silent.

And something in Alex warned him to reduce his voice to a whisper, afraid that he might scare this moment away, "Boundaries... You want it...?"

Everything was electrified. His touch, his gaze. Alexis worked hard not to crumble under his intense stare.

Then it happened, his gaze fell on her lips. She definitely didn't imagine that.

"Do you?" she deflected. Mildly embarrassed that her voice had the abraded texture of stone against stone.

Even when her lungs screamed for air, Alexis still forgot to breathe. She was busy listening to the angel and the devil warring inside her, pleading to her rationality. It was clear which side won when she closed her eyes.

Her world was pitch black. Senses put into overdrive. The touch along her jawline felt like it burned. She thought if this was what being set on fire felt like, she'd gladly pay the price.

His breath fanned across her nose. And then their noses touched.

Alexis felt horrible for her overworking heart, rapidly pumping oxygen to her brain—she certainly dared not to breathe, terrified to screw this up. Maybe there was a screeching voice inside her head, but it was fogged by her desires.

Tingles rushed through her when his lips brushed her own, the velvety feeling of it already so addictive. Alexis closed her eyes, waiting for the impact, and then–

A sharp knock forced them both apart.

She almost got whiplash from how fast she turned to the door, making her clutch her head in pain. The silhouette of Kyle Garrick stood in front of them, head still bowed while reading a prescription off a medicine tube.

"Nero- no, Neosporin," he cluelessly recited. "Antibiotic cream." When Kyle finally raised his head, a look of doubt crossed his face upon the flustered duo.

He awkwardly tossed the tube to Alex. "Okay... Weird vibe. Alia said to apply it or else."

"Thanks, Garrick," Alexis grimaced at her slightly pitchy voice, "Um. Get some rest, yeah?"

"Mhm. As you were..."

The door closed after him. Tensed at the shuffling sounds behind her, her brain replayed the scene much to her protest.

"Still want me to stay?" Alex said in a low voice. She hadn't realised she was still staring at the empty doorway.

What was that? She never loathed her noisy thoughts more than this moment. Oh fucking fuck, shit. I'm so stupid.

No... Why am I embarrassed? He initiated the stupid kiss! She reasoned, digging for some form of consolation to find the courage to snap around, preparing herself for what might come next. But she wasn't expecting the smug smile he so proudly wore. She then wondered if she should feel relieved or nervous.

But as a wave of dizziness forced her to grab a handful of bedsheets, she inwardly spoke gratitude that she didn't have to decide.

What was this? What were they, really? Too many questions and too little answers.

"Come on, it's past your bedtime," Alex pulled her back into the bed and started to administer the medication on her cheek wounds. Today was already a heck of a day, and with the soothing circles rubbed into her skin, she surrendered to her tiredness.

"Night..."

Upon her steady breathing, Alex tossed the tube across the room and it landed accurately on his vest with a soft thud. His finger outlined a path from her forehead and hovered hesitantly above her lips. The very same one he should have already felt.

Thanks, Garrick.

A frustrated sigh escaped him, loud enough to make Alexis nuzzle deeper into him, an arm draped over his waist.

He laid back down, replaying their scenes from earlier. A bolt of lightning might as well strike him now—maybe that would explain the bursting feeling in his chest.

"Wow," he mouthed in realisation. "I'm a damn idiot."

Years ago when she tipsily ended up on his doorstep desperate for him to take the pain away, he willingly obliged. No denials that he had the biggest selfish reason to say yes.

Fuck, it was a strange feeling to finally get all that he dreamt of. That night, he was too busy planning a confession in his head to sleep. But by dawn, the demons inside him questioned if he truly deserved someone like Alexis.

Someone like her? For him? It was too good to be true. His mind raced with the "What ifs?"

"What if our jobs clashed?"

"What if I put her in danger?"

"What fucking if the long distance fucks everything up?"

Their friendship would be in shreds. And she was one of the– the most important person in his life. No way would he lose her.

So he pushed her away—looked her in the eyes and lied. For Heaven's sakes, he wanted to punch himself. And he knew he made the right decision because when their friendship took a hit for a few weeks, the loneliness was unparalleled.

He didn't want to feel that way again. Ever.

Alex might have kept their friendship, but at the cost of everything. He liked to picture how different things would have been, if not for his cowardice. He thought about it frequent enough to imprint a permanent gnaw in his heart.

Now, here it was. A bloody second chance. His second chance.

Alex peered down to the butterfly tattoo on his bare chest, smiling. The universe's proof, alright, he whispered, "Gotcha."

The night ended with Alex falling into dreams of the woman he loved.

‧͙⁺˚*·༓

a/n:        they're such stupid fools... & omg i hate this chapter so much idek. btw what do yall think alexis’ real name is?

taglist: @flyboidameron​​ @wanderlustgiant​​ (wanna be tagged? lmk!)

[captainsassmanes]

Prompt: After Alex finds out about Michael/ Maria he gives up on him and Michael ever being really together. He is convinced that he's the worst thing to happen to Michael. He tries to make Michael's life easier by avoiding him and helping with Project Shepherd. So when Michael breaks up with Maria because he realizes he's still in love with Alex, Alex doesn't understand why he wants to be with him and becomes super insecure in the relationship. So Michael has to show him they're still cosmic.

I took some liberties, anon. I hope that’s okay.

It had been the longest year of Alex’s life.

His seventeenth year living alone with his father had felt long. His first deployment felt long. The second even longer.

His first year being in Roswell with Michael but not being with Michael? The longest.

He’d been proud of himself when Michael and Maria sat him down, neither able to look him in the eye, on the back deck of the Pony, each of them looking across the empty field instead of at each other.

Alex had clamped down on his emotions, swallowed his protests and sadness, and smiled, as genuinely as his muscles would allow. He had nodded along as Maria did all the talking, explaining how Michael was always there to help her, there for her when her mom kept getting worse instead of better, made her feel safe and adored. He agreed when she said she deserved to be loved.

In the moment, he hadn’t been able to find the words. How could he express his happiness for his friend without breaking down with his own loss?

With a hug for Maria and a quick glance to a stoic Michael, Alex had left.

Sleep left him wanting that night. He moved from his bed to the shower to the porch to the bed to the couch, restless and uncomfortable. Without his permission, Alex kept imagining life from then on. There would be no way to avoid them and he knew, for his own sanity, those relationships had to be over. Maybe one day he’d rebuild with Maria though he couldn’t picture it now.

But Michael?

Alex sat with his third glass of whiskey, mindlessly petting a sleeping Buffy’s head, trying to slow his heart rate. It was done. He knew Michael was the one, his person, the one he wanted to spend his life with. He’d known it when he was surrounded by computers, orders being barked in his ears across the country. He’d known when his lungs were filled with hot, desert sand and his ears echoed with explosions. He’d known it as soon as Michael put a hand on him at the airstream, turning him around and stopping the world.

Michael was the one.

But he wasn’t his. And he never would be.

“May your happiness last forever,” he toasted with a slur to the darkness. With a swig, the dark liquid was gone and the glass landed on the floor with a loud clank. Clumsily, he took off his leg, fingers not moving the way his brain was commanding. Eventually he felt the sweet release of the last latch and tugged the sock off, tossing it onto the couch.

Somehow, he managed to get to the front porch, hopping and holding on to anything he could find, too unclear to remember where he last had his crutches. He landed with a groan on the rocking chair, holding his arms and rubbing to keep warm against the early morning chill. The sun was shining through the trees, casting large shadows next to pools of warmth on the ground.

As he watched the sunshine spread and claim its territory, Alex made his decision. He’d do the right thing by Michael. He’d get all the intel he could from Project Shepard and then shut that shit down for good, make sure Michael and the Evans were just another trio of nobodies from Roswell. And he’d do it all while staying away. Michael wanted easy, simple? Maria wasn’t the only one who could give him that. Alex could be a ghost, vanish into the background to give Michael a chance at the life he deserved.

Even if it wasn’t with him.

So, for a year, Alex was an enigma. He went to work during the day, boring data analysis he could do in his sleep. But at night, he used his clearance and the information he not so legally obtained to hack into old records, disbanded programs, anything that looked like it could possibly be associated with UFO investigations.

Kyle checked on him regularly, bringing him greasy bags of goodies from the Crashdown or his mom’s empanadas. He’d stay, sometimes, chatting about interesting cases at the hospital or quietly combing through new files, sometimes updating Alex about the latest town gossip.

Never about Michael, though.

The last month had been insane after he’d acquired the final pieces of the Shepard puzzle and handed them over to a newly risen Max with his five thousandth apology.

Max had squeezed the files in his hand, knuckles turning white and papers wrinkling, before pulling Alex into a surprise hug. Max had whispered an emotional, “thanks,” before letting him go and walking away. That moment felt final, like Alex could finally close the book on the disaster that was his family’s legacy. With his father in military prison for the foreseeable, Alex was finally free of obligation.

The next few nights after handing over the last of Shepard, Alex sat in the bunker, computers silent, only a few lights on, and breathed in the peace of it all. At first, he’d sit with a smile on his face, shoulders relaxed, and hands unfurled. He slept well for the first time in a long time. But on the third or fourth day, sitting in that bunker with no work to be done, no worries to be had, a new reality struck Alex.

He had no purpose. And no one.

His job was through. Responsibilities complete.

It was these thoughts running aimlessly through his mind that put him in his comfortable sweats with a glass of whiskey in his hand. As he decided a Scott Pilgrim rewatch sounded good, his phone rang, Kyle’s name popping up on the screen.

“Hi.”

“When were you gonna tell me, Manes?”

Alex stupidly looked around the cabin for the answer to Kyle’s question. “Tell you what, Valenti?”

A muffled scoff greeted Alex. “About you and Guerin? Liz just told me. I’m so happy for you, man!”

“Whoa, whoa,” Alex stood up from the couch too fast, spilling his drink a bit and trying to cover up the wet spot on the floor before Buffy came to get sloshed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“They split up, Alex.”

He froze, afraid that if he moved Kyle would say just kidding and his heart would shatter. He took a deep breath before mumbling, “I haven’t spoken to either of them in, like, a year.”

“Yeah I know that, you dumbass, but it doesn’t seem to matter.” Alex rolled his eyes at Kyle’s enthusiasm.

Grabbing some paper towels from the kitchen, Alex leaned over and cleaned up his mess, Buffy never moving from her prime location on the couch. “What doesn’t seem to matter, Kyle?”

“Ugh, oh my God you have to get out more! That he hasn’t seen you, Alex! He broke up with her for you! He still loves you!”

A wave of nerves moved through him but he was in strong denial. There was no way. They hadn’t seen each other, hadn’t spoken. Michael didn’t feel anything for him, at least nothing that wasn’t disgust and anger. Plus, Maria was perfect, they fit well together.

“This doesn’t make sense. If you’re fucking with me-“

“No chance in hell, dude. I would never mess with you over Guerin. Never.”

Alex dropped the towels and sat back on the couch, eyes staring at the black tv. “I’ve gotta go.” He hung up before Kyle could say another word and felt the phone fall out of his hand.

Hope.

He’d promised himself it was done, that he was done. Michael had made himself clear: loving Alex was the worst thing that ever happened to him. Alex had been determined the fix what he could to keep Michael and the people he loved safe. He did that. He did it while staying out of everyone’s way. He did exactly what he was supposed to, followed his plan to a T.

So why would they break up?

He grabbed a glass of water and downed it, gasping for air once it was gone. He refilled it and repeated one more time. Confused, scared and exhausted, Alex climbed into bed, a tolerant Buffy allowing him to hold her close. It took a few hours for sleep to come, so many scenarios and thoughts clouding his brain, keeping it too busy to shut down.

Eventually, he started counting Buffy’s soft snores and he fell into a restless sleep.

The sound of metal against metal woke Alex, hand instinctually reaching into his bedside table for his gun. But he paused when he noticed his room was filled with sunshine, Buffy was missing but not barking and his intruder was humming a Fall Out Boy tune he couldn’t find the name of.

He wiped his eyes and quietly slid his prosthetic on. Kyle must be in one of his moods. Maybe feeling guilty about the bullshit he called with the night before.

Turning the corner, kitchen in full view, Alex thought he might faint. Flipping pancakes in his cabin like he owned the place was Michael fucking Guerin.

The warm feeling that coursed through his chest couldn’t be denied. Michael looked perfect standing there, first thing in the morning, in his socks making breakfast. He was smiling, still humming the same song while Buffy sat wagging at his feet. Alex covered his mouth, physically restraining himself from speaking, afraid he’d beg Michael to never leave.

As he stood silently watching, that warmth turned to anger and bitterness. This was such an invasion of privacy. Alex knew he’d locked the door the night before. And, besides, they hadn’t spoken in months. Michael’s solution to that was to show up, uninvited? Play the domestic game?

“I don’t remember giving you a key,” Alex said when he found his voice and was confident he was in control again.

Michael jumped slightly but the smile never left his face. “You know me. Don’t need ‘em. Hope you’re hungry. Made your favorite.”

Moving a bit closer, Alex furrowed his brow, sure Michael had no clue what his favorite food was. Excitement flooded his veins as he watched Michael put the finishing touches on churro pancakes.

“Go on, sit down. I’ll grab you a coffee.”

Maybe it was the early hour or the shock of seeing Michael or some combination of both, but Alex moved in a daze to the small table and took a seat, wrapping his hands around the mug of perfectly made coffee Michael placed in front of him.

When the churro pancakes slid under his chin, Alex was pulled out of his shock.

“Michael, what the hell is this?”

He got a smirk in return, all straight, white teeth and plump, pink lips. “Just tryin’ to do something nice, Private.”

“Why now?”

With a mouthful of pancakes, Michael shrugged and asked, “why not now?”

Alex pushed his plate away, stomach churning with anxiety. “It’s been a year, Guerin. Your relationship had its run and now you don’t wanna be alone? So, where’s Alex? Bet he’s just sitting there, alone and pathetic, waiting.”

Michael shook his head and straightened his posture. “No, that’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it?” Alex stood and walked outside, needing space and more air than the cabin could offer. He gripped the wood railing, counting his breaths and listening to the birds chattering. The sun was pushing through the branches, tossing light here and there, a sliver of it landing on Alex’s hand, warming one up while the other stayed cool.

The door squeaked open and he heard Buffy’s paws on the decking before he felt Michael standing next to him, giving off a warmth he missed.

“I’m gonna make an assumption so I apologize in advance if I’m wrong.” Michael sounded hesitant, unsure. He waited for a response from Alex but must have decided he wouldn’t be getting one. “You’ve always hated Roswell.” Alex raised his eyebrows, his body naturally responding to the truth.

“I’m guessing you didn’t realize it was the only place that felt like home until you were overseas.”

Alex didn’t know what to say. The idea of agreeing with Michael didn’t sit right with him but he couldn’t deny that while he was spending nights in makeshift tents and praying the last bomb was the last bomb, he wasn’t dreaming of Roswell.

“So, you always hated me?”

Michael laughed and shook his head. “Jesus, we’re so good at this communication shit, huh?”

Alex laughed, too, and looked out over the property, watching a squirrel grab an acorn and run off with his treasure, holding it selfishly in its paw. “I guess so.”

“You left me. You helped me realize I was bi, you were so nice to me and then you were gone. I resented you for ten years.”

“Michael, I told you that I shouldn’t have-“

“Shut up. Just let me finish.” Alex pouted as Michael raised his hand. “When you came back, I hoped. I was an ass about it sometimes, I know, but I hoped we had a shot, that you still felt the same way about me. About us. But you didn’t want to be seen with me, didn’t want people to know about us, you pushed me away over and over again. So, after everything, with my mom…”

“You needed someone who’d stay close.”

Michael nodded and looked at his boots, kicking a twig onto the dirt. “I didn’t choose Maria to hurt you.”

Alex scoffed, “fucking felt like it, though.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

Alex shook his head, his bottle of empathy run dry. “I told you I loved you. That I wanted to start over again. I was ready.”

Michael nodded. “I didn’t believe you. And I shouldn’t have to work on your timeline.”

Alex tilted his head toward the cabin. “Okay. So why should I have to work on yours now?”

Michael bit his lip and looked toward the trees. “Fair enough.”

They stood in silence, listening to the sounds of undisturbed nature around them. Alex was still angry, filled with confusion and caution, but he’d be lying if he said simply being in Michael’s presence didn’t bring him comfort.

“I don’t get your analogy.”

Turning, Michael leaned against the banister and Alex had to look away. With his tight t-shirt and curls blowing in the breeze, Michael looked like a fucking dream.

“The war analogy?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, that one.”

“It’s a bad one, but I convinced myself I didn’t love you. Then I was with someone else I know I loved and realized it’d never come close to how I feel about you.”

Blinking rapidly, Alex refused to cry. When he knew he had control of his voice, he asked, “are you gonna look away again?”

Michael slowly slid his hand into Alex’s and squeezed. “Never.”

[gothamstreetcat]

Please share your thoughts based of the bingo cards below because I wanna know 👀

i am absolutely going to be talking about all things controversial below the cut: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᶦᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃ ᶠᵃⁿ ᵒᶠ ᵇᵃʳᵇᵃʳᵃ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗᵃᵇᶦᵗʰᵃ 

season one

there isn't much I think is super controversial in season one, but I will definitely be talking about selina, the batcat kiss, and the overall season itself

on selina i have to say i was a little nervous before the show aired. it’s silly but also understandable for me because i always find myself getting nervous whenever someone new takes on a character I love. but honestly, i think camren is the best selina kyle we could have asked for. there is just always something about each catwoman/selina kyle i didn’t like, but with camren i think we get the most true and genuine portrayal because gotham shows her childhood—a obviously important part to selina’s character. it’s a side of her we never get to see much of in the comics or in films, and i just find it a very important part to her character. 

sometimes I think people are too drawn into making selina something more (holy tim burton, batman! she’s got cat powers!). and I hate to throw tim  under the bus with this, but over time the whole cat powers thing really pissed me off because part of what I loved about selina was how she was a regular person. she didn’t need cat powers to be great or special. it also kinda makes me sad when people compare cam’s selina so much to pfeiffer’s because a. camren is her own selina and shouldn’t be put under that kind of pressure and b. I really can’t see someone as tough as camren’s selina becoming some old man’s assistant with “corndogs” as a (cat)chprase(?) 

i know it’s silly, but another thing about cam’s selina is how much i just love her. i just grew up wanting to be her and be like her. i wanted to be hardened by city streets and i know it’s dumb but i don’t think i have to explain why i feel such a strong way about her. we all have our favorite characters. **more of this hot mess in the tags

moving into the batcat kiss i was initially really uncomfortable and disappointed with it. david and cam were young at the time, therefore, so were bruce and selina, and i just honestly feel like it was too soon. however, i know in an interview they talked about it and were okay with it—cam saying how she was able to separate herself from the character—so I have grown to be more tolerant of it (is it dumb to say i was a little embarrassed for them because that’s how i would feel if it was me?) i am also not innocent because i did make a gifset of the kiss but it was also paired with selina asking for bruce’s consent, and i only made it because i liked the parallels (queue a young me making gifs on makeagif.com) Now, I will highly advocate for that gifset because to me it really shows how much selina went to get bruce’s ‘okay’ before she kissed him. i feel as though we are always advocating so much when it comes to a woman’s consent but never when it is a man’s and both are equally as important but we’ll get into that later in this post. 

another thing i want to add, is how i’d like to believe i have some idea as to why they did the kiss in the first place. i want to believe it had something to do with the trauma of the day, or the fact that bruce is a boy who showed selina genuine kindness when she is clearly someone who has gone without. god forbid it only to be seen as ‘cute’ but perhaps, because selina wanted to know what it felt like to be touched in that sort of way. by someone like Bruce (who was innocent and had never been kissed) maybe it was some sort of way to thank him or a parting gift, to which i’m sure people would say that’s wrong but i feel with selina’s background it makes sense. as if it was a way for bruce to remember her by. now, i personally wouldn’t know what any of that feels like so maybe that throws all my credibility out the window but these are just my ideas.

the season overall i hold onto dear, i know we all have our favorites and this isn’t controversial, but you can’t beat the first. sometimes, i do feel like shows lose their way and loose that little spark when they first got started. and to be honest, i did feel that a little with gotham. not only that (and i’ve said this before so i’m sorry if i’m a broken record) but with gotham it gaves us these characters we are so used to seeing a certain way. the show took these seeming monsters and turned them human and we as watchers related to them. edward nygma was a nerd working at the gcpd. oswald was a guy holding an umbrella, turned dishwasher who then became the king of gotham. poison ivy was just a kid. everything was so new and fresh and exciting. so yeah, i think that’s a wrap on season one

season two

the only thing i am really going to talk about from this season was ‘babitha.’ again, i am sorry for anyone who follows me, is reading this and is a fan of them but in all seriousness: their relationship was toxic as hell. first off, i really didn’t like barbara nor tabitha before hand. barbara always felt whiny and needy while tabitha was played like some ditzy woman for her brother. together they were highly annoying, and i almost hate say that because independently tabitha was a really strong character. i still didn’t like her but i see and appreciate her without her brother. 

going into that i really think there where times barbara dragged her down. times where barbara was unstable, power-hungry and it just seemed like tabitha was not enough unless she had more. barbara also didn’t seem to like the idea that butch had a special place in tabitha’s heart (and then later killed him). i mean this is a funny way, but barbara can come off like that kid who was never told ‘no’ in her life.

not to mention when tabitha died and barbara went and fucked jim for the sake it of, i guess. i know everyone grieves differently and holy batgirl, batman! but it doesn’t seem right.

i wish i had more to say on them with better examples, but i honestly have way more to say regarding the sirens so i’m gonna let you read that instead.

honorable mentions include: bridgit pike deserving better because that girl could never catch a break. and the true ending of herself and karen jennings meeting, falling in love, and leaving gotham together. it honestly makes me sad i made up this ship and it feels like i’m the only one keeping it afloat. 

season three

again, i have my issues regarding the siren’s team up, so i was unhappy when they decided to make tabitha galavan selina’s mentor. i personally would not want to pair someone as vulnerable as selina with someone who physically and mentally abused her, but okay gotham. so that is where my ted grant comment came in, i assume you’ve read the comics and know that ted was one of the few who originally trained selina before becoming catwoman. therefore, i was disappointed they didn’t use him as i find him a better canidate for a mentor but also such an important person in her story. he would have been a great addition to the show. 

of course my first honorable mention must go to the batman returns scene because you’re only hip if piggy-back off of tim burton. as i mentioned above i don’t like how much cam’s selina is compared to pfieffer’s. i don’t understand why they had to re-create something i already think is over hyped when gotham is already a great show on it’s own, it would have been redeeming if they had not done the ‘cat power’ thing in season five but thankfully they didn’t really use it.it really pisses me off how much they really tried to make that scene frame for frame. 

my second honorable mention is going to be given to selina not knowing five was bruce because of his scars & alfred and maria respectively. i could talk a lot about why i love maria and alfred--i understand why people don’t like her and they’re right to do so, however, i do think they are right for one another. they both have jaded pasts, and yeah, the show was teasing love-interests for alfred a here and there but how can you not be happy for him when he saw selina’s mom? i think people should be redeemed and i honestly think maria was at least changed by her time at wayne manor and if you want i wrote a fic about alfred and maria but it’s totally bad writing wise so don’t read it. also. i’m sorry it’s dirty and i couldn’t go through with it. it’s kinda bad

as for selina and five i think there is something imamate about selina knowing bruce’s scars (not gonna lie,i was honestly going to talk about this but i’m too tired and don’t think i have anything meaningful to have)

season four

this is probably going to be the hardest season for me to talk about. and the only two things i’m going to cover are the toxic manipulation and abuse between the sirens team-up, as well as the sexual abuse bruce endured.

on the sirens i just wanna say i hopefully plan in the future to make a master-post involving this trio. i want to be as clear as possible and include the episodes but in case i don’t i’m just going to try my best. keep in mind i made this post regarding this topic a long time ago if you want the quick version. if you do check it out it’s been a while since i read it so it is probably messy and ugly. i also want to point out i’m going to try and talk about how much of the adults in selina’s life failed her. barbara and tabitha hit this mark pretty hard since at least barbara was there in the beginning stages of her life, and the trio themselves were made to appear as some sort of strong power-house.

i get on a surface level why fans like the barabra/tabitha + selina team-up (because girl power i guess), but i honestly can’t get over the abuse selina endured to even get to the point of being in a group. much of their relationship seemed more about tabitha and barbara loving to have her rather then love her, period. there were times during their involvement that it was clear selina was not an equal, and times where being with them made selina weaker (speaking about when she called upon them for help in that one episode where she was trapped, yet you’re telling me this is the same girl who took out that guy’s eyes from season one?) several times, selina appeared to be talked down to and treated as though she couldn’t handle tasks, yet has been homeless her whole life and has broken in and out of prison. 

the interaction between barbara and selina from season one haunts me a great deal for the way barbara spoke to selina and was objectifying her. i made a long-post/ask about it here which i encourage you to look at. this is particularly hard for me to talk about for the simple fact of selina being a child of the streets and barbara speaking to her like she’s trying to pimp her out *for lack of a better way of saying it* i just don’t think this is something an adult should be saying to selina because the truth is that barabara is the adult and should do better. her and tabitha even dressed her up for that club commercial (in which selina was clearly unhappy) and had her running a club full of underage kids developing a drinking problem and one very small boy being taken advantage of. 

people hate it when alfred slapped selina but when tabitha punched selina unconscious and kidnaped her for barbara it’s no big deal

and the episode “to our deaths and beyond” hits deepest and is a clean sign of manipulation when they both tricked selina into bringing bruce so they could mutilate him for his blood. even when he was crying and panicking barbara help him down and tabitha held selina back from helping him. 

here is a gifset about the scene and *lex i’m sorry for using your set if you happen to see this (but please don’t see this because i don’t wanna make anyone feel bad and i just want to speak freely about what i believe) 

again, not treating selina with respect, and when she straight told them she would have not brought bruce BECAUSE HE IS HER FRIEND, tabitha got defense and questioned her loyalty. first off, you are an adult and should know how to act better. she knew selina wouldn’t have brought bruce otherwise because they knew what they were doing was wrong. they knew how much bruce meant to selina and for them to try to guilt her is awful in itself. tricking and manipulating bruce is awful. mutilating him is awful. and holding selina back from helping her friend after you lied to her is awful--this is honestly one of the most sickening things for me to watch *not to mention why you would not want selina to be friends with bruce when he’s clearly a great guy* (but the gifset is pretty no question. shout-out to lex for being so talented)

in addition to this, the entire selina getting shot storyline is right up there too. i understand the writer’s didn’t have enough time to flesh everything out but it wasn’t even mentioned once that barbara and tabitha went to visit her. i believe tabitha might have mentioned it but it was only to get revenge over jeremiah, but they never visited her or checked on her, and she tried to kill herself and still nothing. 

now, i’m not trying to be all biased for bruce wayne because he was there for her every singe day and never left her side. nor would i ever mention that idea of bruce physically helping selina care for her own body when she couldn’t. how he got her that medicine to heal her pain and held her while she screamed that she wanted to die. all the while doing everything he could to help her not feel that way again.

you can say a lot of things about bruce wayne. people love to talk shit about him. but at the end of the day you can never say he was a bad friend, because he was the best. and you can’t say that for barbara and tabitha (not only to add how all the abuse was never brought up nor apologized for)

now, onto something that i am a big advocate for and particularly boils my blood. bruce’s alcohol problem and constant physical abuse by the adults in the show. 

i am mainly speaking about ivy (peyton list) however, while reading a reddit thread someone said that grace’s actress as twenty-one years of age, also kissing david (who i believe was sixteen at the time). someone else, also said that it wasn’t really illegal but i honestly do not care. if the roles were reversed and it was a young girl vs an older man, people would be in outrage and i don’t think that should change be it david.

the scene with peyton particularly bothers me because she is substantially older, and while you could argue it might not be david based off how the scene was shot, i highly doubt it. it’s wrong no matter how you slice it and it particularly bothers me because the abuse surrounding men/boys is taken so lightly. i’m not trying to put presidency over female abuse, as i believe both are equal in how awful they are, but there is evidence behind males being mocked. something that is at a higher volume, and it makes me wonder the number of rapes that go unreported or those who can’t talk about it because they won’t be believed. i’ve already seen it but i would be lying if i said i wasn’t worried for david to be conditioned to think what happened to him was fun or cool.

on top of all the kissing in the club scene followed by waking up in bed with the two girls--i would not hesitate to think he was taken advantage of in some way. i also can’t even think of his drinking days and not think of all the people who potentially abused him.

i obviously can’t speak for david and perhaps i’m grasping at straws but this is something that bother me and no one talks about enough.

season five

nothing to add here except while i did miss cam in the final and it wasn’t complete without here, i very much respect her for her choice to walk away. i think it shows a high level of intelligence and integrity (something i wish i had). and i most admire her for passing on the torch when she felt she wasn’t ready, which i think speaks volumes of her and her character. again, selina one selina will always be my favorite so i love the idea of my favorite staying a young girl before she was ready. i don’t think the show was ready. and as much as i would have loved for her to have a cameo like david did, it isn’t here or there and she said she favorite scene was on the staircase. so as far as i’m concerned, that’s the best place to leave on (even though that wasn’t the last scene but we’re ignoring that)

i hope this wasn’t too wordy or long!

[atopearth]

Ikemen Revolution Part 11 - Oliver Knight Route

Lmao, I know Oliver is supposed to be intimidating with him saying that the heroine should compensate him for his broken invention with her body since she broke it, but I just found it so hilarious that because he's in the form of a child, the heroine just thinks he's weird and saying things he doesn't know the real meaning of hahahah. It's kinda cute how he just told her to clean hahaha, but she is a kid to him so it's understandable hahaha. I like how she'll become his assistant, I think that will be fun and the best way for them to bond~ Is Oliver a tsundere? Haha, it was cute how he was worried about her safety coming here as an assistant. Wow, Mousse looks pretty good looking! Lmao when he straightforwardly said she's exactly his type, like dang, you sure made that judgement fast. Hey! It's pretty cool how not only is Oliver an inventor, but he also makes extravagant and interesting hats!

I guess it's pretty cute how she's bonding daily with kid Oliver, getting to know how he is when he's happily creating his hats and inventions, and then when she's in trouble at night, adult Oliver comes to save her, and she gets to know how cool this version is. It's kinda funny how she doesn't connect the dots that they're actually the same person, but I guess that cluelessness and naivety is rather cute. Lmaoo when she asked kid Oliver whether the adult one was his father hahahah, she deserved the flick on her forehead hahaha. The monster teacher guy looks pretty cute~ I love how when Oliver forced her into being a volunteer teacher for the day, the thing she decided to teach them was playing and singing along with the London Bridge is falling down song that Oliver always sings when he's in a good mood hahaha. I feel as silly as the heroine to not realise that Oliver actually came from the Land of Reason as well! HAHAHA when she thought he was the first Alice🤣🤣🤣 It's saddening but understandable that Oliver wouldn't want to go back if there's no one there waiting for him. Legit wheezing at how arrogant yet confident Jonah is in winning the heroine over with a date lolll. Love how Jonah got a chance to do the "save the damsel in distress from dodgy people trying to con her into paying compensation money for their made up injury" and yet her heart didn't swoon and only made her have a more positive impression of him instead haha. It was the best when Oliver shoved the umbrella (that Blanc forced him to take to give to the heroine since it was going to rain) between their faces when Jonah wanted to kiss her lol. Honestly though, it's pretty hilarious how Oliver was the one who called her a kid all this time, yet he's the one to fall for her first.

As expected, the heavy downpour got Oliver sick with a cold~ It's kinda cute how much more vulnerable and honest he is when he's sick haha. Dum is an... interesting guy I guess lol. Anyway, nice to see Oliver show his thankfulness to the heroine for caring for him, it's nice to see how much he's warmed up to her. I felt Oliver's pain when he felt powerless having to watch Lancelot take the heroine away right in front of him. It's interesting that it's the first time he's ever lamented being stuck in the body of a child though. Anyway, now that Oliver is going to rescue her, and he doesn't want to tell the Black Army about it yet because it might cause a war, maybe we'll finally get to see the heroine realise that Oliver is actually an adult haha. Is Dalim the black robe guy actually Dum? Or the teacher guy? I kinda forgot what they looked like haha. Well, damn, adult Oliver looks great without the hat! I love how cute Oliver and the heroine are bickering with each other, mostly with him teasing her but it's just so adorable and wholesome haha. I loved how Oliver just moved his whole workshop to the Black Army headquarters so that the heroine wouldn't feel lonely, sad or bored, well technically, he'd feel that too but you know! It's nice that she's finally realised Oliver is the Mad Hatter though. I think the sweetest thing was when he said that he's going to focus on anti-magic weaponry now and won't make anything else until he's done with it, because this is the best way for him to protect her (like he told Kyle he would when he took her back from the Red Army). Honestly, I was so touched. Mainly because Oliver knows what he's best at, so he's utilising what he has to make something that he can make to protect her in the way that he can. I love it!

LMAO at Oliver and Blanc's first meeting in London. Blanc stepped on his own glasses and couldn't see, and seeing how clumsy Blanc was breaking it and thinking rocks were his glasses, Oliver said to him "I can't fix your brain, but I can repair those glasses for you" haahahah. It's so like Oliver to say that lol. I'm surprised Oliver was bored with making hats and stuff for the royal family etc, I would have thought creativity for crazy and fun hats would be rampant haha, I guess maybe the fact that it was for royalty instead limited the creativity. Anyway, lol at Blanc always dropping his pocket watch causing people to run after him and drop into Cradle! It just seems that unlike the heroine, Oliver didn't get the best newbie experience to a new world. How terrible that the moment he arrived in this world, he got captured by the people in the tower and got used as a specimen to experiment on, and that's how he's become like this... But I guess something good came out of it, which was that he was able to truly allow his creativity to fly in this world and invent whatever he liked without being restrained by his family or his customers.

I really loved how honest Oliver was when he said that he would miss the heroine once she goes back to London. And omgggg! The heroine was too clueless to get it, but it was really nice to see Oliver actually honestly tell her that he doesn't want to just be friends with her! To be fair though, I can see why the heroine wouldn't take the clue, Oliver has never really been exactly honest and straightforward with his feelings until now, so she's always felt that she was probably more bothersome to him when in actuality, he really enjoys her company lol. Aww that was so sweet! I love how Oliver said the heroine's idea of having flowers come out instead of that weird smoke that makes you meow (lmao) for the magic cancelling hat he was making was cliche, but in the end he decided to make it and even demonstrated it to her and the Black Army. I love how he's really listening to her properly and wants her to be happy. LMAO at the option to lift kid Oliver up to get a box, I can just imagine his reaction hahaha. To be honest, I do actually find it rather endearing that the child body never really bothered Oliver until now. I guess it's true though, I'm sure there were minor inconveniences for him, but never something enough for Oliver to think that he really needed to get his body back, until he fell in love with the heroine. Since he wants to be together with her, naturally he'll have to be the adult version because she can't be with a little kid lol, but I just find it really cute and amusing how her existence made him realise how much Oliver has probably been more tolerating his child body rather than liking it. Lmao, it's so cute how Oliver made four of those anti-magic hats and surrounded the heroine's bed with it to protect her from Lancelot etc ahahahah, it's good but so silly! I totally agree with Seth though, I can imagine how hideous it would be lol! But, I also agree with the heroine, seeing the hats really makes you feel how much Oliver wants to keep her safe. I love how even though Oliver makes the weirdest things, he has great style and really knows what suits the heroine best. I love how he added a flower as a corsage to her dress to really highlight her bright and cheerful self. I also find it really endearing how much he teases her. Okay, I knew she would look beautiful, but that CG with the heroine in her dress holding on to Oliver's arm was so beautiful!! The dress was pretty and the flower corsage was crazy big but the bright contrast against the dark green dress really made it look so good on her! I'm impressed haha! I loved their interaction as well, it's so true though, Oliver did say he wasn't coming to the party as a kid, but he never said he wouldn't come as an adult hahaha. Initially, I thought it was annoying that Oliver kept calling the heroine a dummy, but I have to admit, I find it rather endearing and affectionate now hahaha. I really love them together so much!

Nice to know that Amon wants revenge on the Land of Reason for whatever reason he has. Didn't realise that people from there can dispel magic? Does that mean Oliver and everyone else can do the same thing the heroine does? And that's why Amon is researching this magic so that he can render people like the heroine useless and then take over? I'm glad that the heroine was able to talk to Oliver's father and realise the sadness that accompanied a lot of what Oliver said. He likes Cradle, but at the same time, he loves his father even if his father's priorities had changed. I'm sure he wants his father to remember that passion he once had towards making quirky hats that made people smile rather than always just worrying about the reputation of the store and making normal boring hats. They must both feel bad that their last conversation ended in an argument... Omgg, I love how Oliver stitched on the hat he gifted her a message telling her to wait for him because he'll be there soon! How sweet! He really does everything at his own pace and without telling anyone though, just like how he decided to take the heroine's place at the magic tower so they won't go after her etc. He really needs to think about himself more! Hahaha omg, when Dalim talked about how on the day Oliver arrived, he knocked Oliver unconscious and made him drink the test potion of retrogression magic but then couldn't witness the effects of it because of Blanc coming to interfere, I couldn't help but think of Detective Conan LOL, I mean, they're both forced to drink something, they both turn into kids, it's just that Oliver only changes into one during the day haha. Now that Dalim is talking about how the effects on Oliver are weird and that it might be because something within Oliver caused the magic to take effect, I wonder if it's because Oliver cherishes his childhood as being the most precious time for him and what he would like to go back to?

I find it really cute how because of the heroine, Oliver thinks that maybe a normal life isn't so bad if she's in it with him, whereas for the heroine, she used to appreciate that "mundane" and simple life she had in London in itself, but after meeting Oliver, she found that a life with a bit of extraordinary stuff like Oliver isn’t too bad and kinda is what she wants in her life too. They both provide each other that little spark they both need in their lives imo. It was pretty hilarious when Oliver kept kissing the heroine in his child form, he knew it would make her uncomfortable lmao, he's such a tease🤣 But I guess after accepting all this and finding love with her, he can finally break free~ It's corny how they say it was the power of love that broke the spell, but I think it's more like, it was through his love for her that he learnt to accept his childhood that made him return to being an adult imo. Hahaha, I loved how Oliver's inventions made the battle against the magic tower so much more easier and funnier lol. Ohh, the pocket watch Blanc has is a gift from the original Alice! Aww okay, the power of love thing to break Oliver's spell was only temporary! Guess that's understandable and logical though haha. It was so sweet how adult Oliver so naturally held her in his arms to warm her up after her shower (since she's only wearing his shirt as PJs), like dang, my heart. I'm not surprised by Oliver's "other secret", but I guess I never really thought about the idea that the passage of time for his body has stopped as well, since he doesn't age and his body doesn't change or grow at all, everything just resets every time he turns into a child or something. Omggg, Oliver smothering the heroine with his love in the romantic ending is so cute hahaha, he's so honest about it in front of others too lol! I actually found it pretty funny and cute how they kinda reenact their first meeting, with the heroine breaking his invention again, but this time, the paying back with her body isn't really just cleaning it up anymore lol. Well, as expected, the reason Oliver changes into his child form is because he wants to escape reality and his work in London. I find it really interesting how he changes at 6am in the morning which was when he used to start work in London, and then changes into an adult at 6pm in the evening because that's when he used to finish work. And the reason why he can kinda control it now and change into an adult more often is because he's much more okay with the idea of going back to London at times, although he does really enjoy Cradle as well, so his form fluctuates. I actually really like how the heroine wasn't able to fix his curse and instead vows to help him fix it one day, whilst challenging him that in the future, she'll be the one to tease him and be more mature than him haha. They're both so cute.

Overall, I think I love Oliver lol! Initially, I was so disappointed that the new route was Oliver's, but after playing it, omg, it might be my new favourite! Maybe because Oliver is so cute but cool at the same time?! You get the cuteness from the child form and the coolness from the adult form! To be fair, you probably see the child form more, but I find Oliver really fun. He's a natural tease, pretty blunt and probably calls the heroine a dummy too much, but it's honestly endearing how he smiles so much towards the silliness of the heroine. I also love how they bonded daily by working together, sharing tea and food together and they just feel so natural to be together. I also love how he's not a fighter, so he knows how weak he is when it comes to combat, but he excels in his inventions and uses that to protect the heroine. I found the route so fun and refreshing even if it explored the usual stuff like him warming up to her etc, but it was done in a way I really enjoyed because even though he tried his best to not show it, you could really see after a while how soft he was towards her, and how much he got used to her being there with him, and how much it unexpectedly affected him. It's also really cute how honest he is about his feelings. I also really enjoyed Oliver's background story to his curse and how the heroine factors into it by providing him the ordinary bit in his "madness" towards hats etc, and how he realises that ordinary isn't bad at all, whereas the heroine understands that a little madness in falling in love with such a guy isn't too crazy after all. It was just so cuteeee the whole way through~🥰

[jeserai]

anywayyy i feel guilty for having not posted in so long so here’s a bit of summoner au

The first few signs that something is wrong are subtle. Catra has always been a light sleeper, prone to waking at the slightest sounds in fear of the other witches trying something, but now she sleeps through the night, only waking when the sunlight streams through the window. Her magic is a little bit off now too, flaring out and burning bright during their daily lessons. If Shadow Weaver suspects anything, she does not show it, but Catra feels her eyes on her back even more than usual. The other witches seem to sense that something is different too, but no one can name just what it is, and since Shadow Weaver does not do anything, they don’t either.

And then—

The only time the other witches tolerate her is when they sneak out of the Fright Zone. The manor is protected by Shadow Weaver’s wards, but Catra’s always been good at getting around wards and barriers, so there is a sort of unspoken agreement that she will take down Shadow Weaver’s wards long enough for everyone to get out, and they will not harm her in any way for...at least a while. If they are caught, Catra will take all of the blame and all of the punishment, but so far, she’s never been caught.

It’s not really a fair arrangement, but it gets the others off her back for a while, so Catra tells herself that she doesn’t really mind. In the Fright Zone, the weakest are made prey, and that has been Catra for as long as she can remember. Even Kyle is above her in the bullshit rankings, and he can barely even do the most simple of spells. But no, because Catra is a halfling, she has been branded the weakest.

So yeah, maybe it had been nice, summoning DT. Maybe it’s nice having a little secret of her own. Maybe it’s nice knowing that the others depend on her to get them all out for a few precious hours.

Catra doesn’t know where her coven members go, and honestly, she doesn’t care, but as they file one by one through her portal, she realizes with a start that tonight, it was almost too easy. Catra’s long since learned how to balance her magic between creating a portal on this side, another on the outside of the manor, and lifting wards just enough to remain undetected, but Weaver’s are hard, even after years of practice.

But not today. Today, it is as easy as breathing, and as she steps into the portal and comes out at the edge of the woods separating the town from the manor, Catra wonders for a moment just where all of this extra magic is coming from.

But only for a moment.

Tonight, she has nothing pressing to do, so she wanders the streets of lower Bright Moon, almost hoping to find something or someone to terrorize. This late at night, most of the town is empty and dark but for a few candle lit lamp posts lining the main road, and despite knowing that Shadow Weaver’s reach does not extend to the shadows of the town, Catra still glares at the closest flickering lamp as if it is personally responsible for the shadows that live in the Fright Zone.

And then, as she casts her gaze around, she sees the girl.

She’s leaning against a lamppost further up the block, clearly waiting for someone, her face cast in gentle shadows. She doesn’t look up as Catra approaches, but she does cast a quick glance over when Catra stops in front of her. The blonde gives her a polite smile, but the smile freezes on her face the longer she stares.

“What?” Catra asks—snarls, really.

The girl flinches and then takes a step back, shaking her head, shock written all over her face. It is only then that Catra notices the ugly scar on the girl’s cheek. It is an ugly, twisted thing, like the girl’s face had been clawed open by some kind of beast, but somehow, it does nothing to tarnish her beauty.

“You—it was you, wasn’t it?”

This time it’s Catra that flinches, though she quickly masks her expression and shakes her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, you must have the wrong—”

“Don’t play dumb, I can see the demon's mark all over you. So answer me: why did you do it?"

Catra grimaces and abandons all thoughts of erasing the girl's mind as her eyes burn electric blue with magic. Even if this girl were forced to forget her, she'd still be able to see whatever mark is supposedly on her, and as tempting as the idea is, Catra is still bound by the old laws not to harm this girl or her kind.

"First time I've seen a Seer before," Catra finally drawls, "can't say that I'm very impressed."

"It's my first time seeing a halfling," the girl counters, and then, "and I am impressed. Impressed and astounded at how stupid you are—"

"Careful, blondie. I don’t have the best temper even on a good day. And this is not a good day for me.”

The girl just heaves out a long sigh and then raises both hands as if in surrender. “Listen, I didn’t mean to start anything, I was just startled by your aura. We’d known it was a powerful demon, but to think it took so much from you…”

And— “What do you mean, that they took from me?”

The girl looks just as troubled as Catra now feels as she stares at her, and though her eyes do not burn with magic, Catra still feels as if the girl is looking through her, perhaps seeing all the way through to her soul. “That demon, it’s taking your life away. And a lot of it, too. I hope whatever your agreement was, it was worth it.”

Catra remembers then, the playful wink and the knowing grin that’d slid onto the skewed reflection of her own face just before DT disappeared. They knew this would happen, and that somehow, sooner or later, Catra would find out. She’d played right into their hands, for better or for worse, and now, the only thing she can do is summon them again and demand back what they stole.

A soft touch to her shoulder makes Catra flinch away, and when she looks up, she finds the girl staring at her, concern flooding her features. “Are you okay? I—my team and I, we can help you if—”

“I don’t need your help, blondie. I’ll handle it on my own.”

“I don’t doubt that,” the girl laughs, “but still, if you...if you’d like some backup, my friends and I, we’re—we’ve dealt with this kind of stuff before, and I’d say we’ve gotten pretty good at it too.”

“I said it’s fine.” Catra brushes the girl’s hand from her shoulder and spins away, turning back only to say, "And don't follow me. I'll hex you to hell and back, the old laws be damned."

"Can I at least get your name?"

Catra huffs under her breath and turns away again, deciding to blame her honest answer on the bright blue eyes that are now burning into her back. "Catra."

The girl does not respond.