#but knowing that it is too late. forever. its....

[inkedinshadows]

For the requests: "I would certainly take all night" with Eris, please. I would be forever indebted to you. Can be smut or not, write it however you want! :)

Held in Firelight

Pairing: Eris x f!reader

A/N: Hi! No need to be indebted, don't worry! I just hope you'll like this bc I really liked this idea but I wrote it after six hours of class so it might not be my best work. I also don't know how to label it because it's a bit fluffy with a tiny sprinkle of angst and allusions to smutty bits? Idk idk I really like it tho

Warnings: arranged marriage, cheating (but the parties involved are aware so idk)

Word count: 1k

“I think he has a new lover.”

Your words cut through the comfortable silence that had settled over the sitting room. Eris raised a brow, but you continued to stir the wine in your glass, your eyes fixed on the swirling red liquid.

The silence stretched, broken only by the crackling embers in the fireplace. Eventually, he asked, “What makes you think that?”

You shrugged one shoulder. “He spent every night out this week. He doesn't do that if he's just sleeping around. He still comes home.”

Eris hummed, as if contemplating your answer.

These were your favorite moments—when Eris didn’t have court duties to attend to and could spend hours talking and drinking with you. It was your favorite way to ease the stress and tension of the life you had been forced into.

“He was out even two nights ago?”

You looked up at him. The firelight flickered on the side of his face, turning his hair into molten copper. You felt a sudden urge to reach across the couch and run your fingers through it.

“Yeah,” you replied. “Why do you ask?”

“It was your birthday,” he stated simply.

“So?”

He looked startled. “You really don’t care that he forgot?”

You sighed, setting your glass down. “Eris, he hasn't remembered my birthday in years.”

He didn’t reply, but his jaw clenched. You couldn’t tell if the flames in his eyes were just a reflection of the fire or if it was that simmering power of his.

With another sigh, you pressed on. “Let’s say he remembers,” you said. “Then what? You really believe he would spend the whole night with me, taking his sweet time to make me feel cherished, at least on my birthday?” You shook your head, the mere thought making you scoff. “No, I prefer it this way. He doesn't care about me, I don't care about him, and there's no point in pretending we do.”

Eris remained silent, his gaze fixed on the fireplace, his fingers clutching the stem of his glass so tightly you thought it might break. You knew he cared about you, that he hated your situation as much as you did, but even he couldn’t change it. Maybe once he became High Lord he’d banish arranged marriages and spare others from this fate, but it was too late for you.

Picking up your glass again, you tucked your legs beneath you and settled back against the pillows. You took a sip of wine, hoping that its rich taste might offer an excuse to change the topic, but you came up empty. You’d already commented on the flavor when he opened the bottle.

“I would certainly take all night.”

His voice was quiet, almost thoughtful, but when you turned to look at him, he was still facing away from you.

“What?” you blurted out. Surely, you had heard that wrong.

Finally, his eyes met yours, determined and unflinching. “I would take all night with you,” he repeated, “I would cherish you. And not just on your birthday.”

Your breath hitched. There had been a few lingering touches, a brush of fingers, words whispered after one too many glasses of wine. But never like this—so plain and blatant, so unguarded.

“Don't say that,” you murmured.

“Why not?” His eyes bore into you, pinning you in place. There was no escape—not that you wanted one. “We both want it.”

He was right. There was no arguing with that. Yet you still shook your head. “Eris, we can't.”

He moved closer. You didn’t resist when he took your glass and set it on the small table alongside his. An empty bottle stood next to an unopened one.

“Why not?” he asked again, his voice gentler now. “Just because you’re married? How many other females has he been with?”

Countless.

Maybe Eris was right about that too. Maybe you didn’t owe loyalty to a husband you had never wanted—a husband who had never been loyal to you. If he could have all the females he wanted, then maybe you could have the one male you wanted. The one person who always understood you, who never judged or mistreated you.

“When was the last time someone made you feel cherished?” Eris’s hand covered yours, his slender fingers intertwining with your own, squeezing once. “Made you feel good?”

You had never thought about your marriage in those terms. You had never wanted that union in the first place, so you had clung to the small things. Time away from your husband was good. You hadn’t shared a bed in a long time, and your conversations were awkward and stiff enough that the thought of intimacy hadn't crossed your mind in years. And you’d told yourself that was good enough.

But deep down, it had never really felt good.

Eris was still looking at you, his expression soft and understanding. As if he could see your every thought.

You looked away, unable to stomach it. “I don't know,” you finally whispered.

“Let me be that person.” He reached out, gently tilting your chin. “Let me make you feel good.”

Your eyes met again, and your resolve wavered. Then he brushed his thumb over your lips and spoke in a barely audible whisper.

“Let me love you.”

That word.

Love.

Your husband had never uttered it to you, nor had you to him. But hearing it from Eris… you knew he didn't mean just now—a stolen moment to carry in your heart. And that realization was the final push you needed.

You didn't know who moved first. One moment you were staring into each other's eyes. The next, your lips met.

He tasted like a wish come true after years of waiting.

You were done longing and yearning in secret, done pretending you didn't know what you truly wanted.

And as Eris loved you in front of the fireplace, you finally felt good. You felt cherished. And he took all night to make sure of it.

Taglist: @mrsjna @navyblue-eternity @paintedbyshadows @highladyandromeda @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @azrielsmate3 @mollygetssherlockcoffee @mirandasidefics @tinystarfishgalaxy @cynthiesjmxazrielslover @anarchiii @readinggeeklmao @anneas11 @azrielslittleslut @lilah-asteria @lorosette @azrielsrealmate @pey2618 @mellowmusings @k8r123-blog @daughterofthemoons-stuff @minnieoo @saltedcoffeescotch @georgiadixon @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @ivy-34

1k taglist: @onebadassunicorn @thegoddessofnothingness

[starvingnarcissistmusic]

I've had this drafted forever and I'm not entirely sure why I didn't post it. Oh well, better late than never!

MAL DU PAYS (the song) fun facts:

(Like the original post, spoilers for Act 5 ((and also 2hats)))

- Originally, after finishing the game, I wanted to write a song about Loop. They're one of my favorite parts of the game and I really loved their character, but I ended up scrapping that idea very early on, as I couldn’t really find a personal tie to anchor the song to me. While I did want to write a song about the game, I didn’t want to write something that didn’t resonate with me and my musical “mythos” in some way. It's a fan song, but it's also a Starving Narcissist song, and I felt it was important to strike that balance. MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) only got released because I felt that it was something that fit into the larger body of my works even without the context of the game. So in the end, I chose to write about Siffrin, as I found them a lot more personally relatable. The final version, lyrically, is almost like I’m using Siffrin as a vehicle to write about my own feelings. Some lyrics are his, some are mine, a few are both of us, it’s a weird sort of style I’ve never really written in before.

I do have some leftover lyrics from the scrapped Loop version, though!

“There’s a you you’ll never be, across the cosmic sea / Who has everything you wanted, now it’s everything you need; is it over yet?”

- I think originally the song had a lot more of an exhausted vibe, but with most of the stuff I write, the tempo usually gets faster the more I play it. At some point in the writing process the song channeled more of a manic energy than I had originally intended it to. Loud and shouty is kinda just my default lol.

(The first ever demo for the song, recorded September 15, 2024. Features some slightly altered lyrics!)

- The title was also subject to change! I think for a while I was going back and forth on just calling it Homesickness, mostly because I was a little nervous that my song’s name was technically a late game spoiler. Half the reason I wanted to even write the song was because I thought MAL DU PAYS would make a great song title though, so in the end I just sucked it up and went with my gut. The alternate title was also not set in stone, I think originally I was considering just calling it Mania or Paranoia, but I thought those would be a bit generic. Eventually, I settled on Monophobia, because I felt it was apt in describing the song as a whole. I write a lot about loneliness, and Siffrin is afraid of being alone, so it felt fitting to name the song after the fear of it. (And also, a bit more superficially, I thought Monophobia made a better song title.)

- The song is the only Starving Narcissist song on a nylon string guitar, and it's also the second song in a completely non-standard tuning (third if you count ITWYW?, but that's just a half step down from standard). MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) in DADF#BD, with a capo on 1.

- THIS SONG HAD SO MANY REVISIONS. I don't think I've ever had this many versions to a song ever. It got so bad that I made a specific folder just to hold all the different variations I had for the song. They're not all too different from each other, and they're all built on the same take of the song, but I was playing around with mixing and structuring and vocal layering and its a whole mess. Honestly, the fact that it's a song about a timeloop makes it probably the funniest song this could have happened to.

- And that's about it! To end off this little fun fact post, here's a little something I wrote for Genius (where lyrics for this song and all my others are posted! plus annotations I write! <3) about the song. The response to MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) has been pretty wild, and I'm glad it managed to resonate with people, even some who don't even know the game it's about.

That's all. While I guarantee this year will probably be slower for Starving Narcissist, rest assured that I am working on stuff, just very slowly. There's a very low chance I'll ever do something as flagrantly self indulgent as this song, but whatever I do end up doing, I hope you're around to see it.

In the meantime, stream the song on spotify! or buy it on bandcamp! or even just go watch the lyric video i made for it (please i spent like a week on this)!

Thanks for everything, see you later <333

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars And Time! tldr; i wrote a song about it. if you wanna skip all the gushing and just listen to it, click here. (spoilers for act 5) If not, behold this big rambly mess of a thing i wrote:

So funny story, I kind of wasn’t planning on releasing anything for the rest of the year. The album wore me out, and the only other idea I had sort of fell through, so I was content on just letting the album be the only thing of note I would make in 2024.

… and then, in September, I played a little RPG called In Stars And Time. beat the whole thing over the course of three days, then spent the next couple weeks ravenously consuming all the fan content I could get my hands on. my friends have been forced to stare at my siffrin pfp every day for two months straight at this point and frankly i think they are tired of me talking about it.

i love the art, i love the story, i love the music, i love the characters, i love the world. siffrin sort of immediately became one of my favorite protagonists like,, ever. and it definitely did not help that i am also a scrawny forgetful person who has to regularly fight off the part of my brain that convinces myself that All My Friends Secretly Hate Me.

I’ve never really been so called out by a character before. The spiraling, the deflection, and the agony of being a stranger to yourself. the yearning for something you cant even name, because how could you? you cant even find the words on your tongue. not being able to tell anyone how you feel because its just easier to live with it, easier to let it eat you from the inside out then to bother anybody else. its easier to keep the mask on, stick to your lines, let the show go on.

all that hit just a bit too close to home. so i did what I usually do When Things Hit and wrote about it.

(like i said, spoilers for Act 5; It’s pretty devoid of context but they’re spoilers nonetheless)

MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) is a song about cyclical burnout, self-estrangement, and homesickness. It’s half about Siffrin, half about me, but mostly it’s a rumination on loneliness and the hell that is the self.

Out now wherever you listen to music.

“How can you be homesick if nowhere is home?"

[frozenmxngo]

✧*̥˚ In Between the Lines | Choi Beomgyu *̥˚✧ pt. 2

✧ beomgyu x selective mutism fem!reader ✧ part two, word count 12.6k ✧ summary: y/n, a university student with selective mutism, finding solace in solitude. when beomgyu, a curious music student, starts noticing her, their paths cross, and he learns to navigate her silence. ✧ warnings: panic attacks, social anxiety, mute!reader, swearing, angst, verbal abuse, eventual smut, virgin!reader, slow burn?, trauma, fluff, a bit of self-hatred (let me know if i missed anything! i’ll add more tags for each part as needed)

✧ an: so sorry for the delay in getting this part out!! it’s been such a busy week! the next part should be out much sooner than this one. thank you!!

MASTERLIST « previous - next »

Jiwon shifts the car into park but doesn’t move to get out, slumping back in her seat with a dramatic groan.

"I don’t wanna leave—it’s too warm in here."

Y/N glances at her, amused, as she adjusts the scarf wrapped snugly around her neck. Outside, the late fall air is crisp, biting at the windows, but inside the car, the heater hums softly, wrapping them in a comfortable warmth.

Jiwon turns her head, eyeing Y/N’s outfit with clear disapproval. “Are you seriously wearing that?” She gestures at Y/N’s lightweight jacket. “It’s freezing.”

Y/N tugs at her scarf in response, as if to prove a point.

Jiwon scoffs. “Oh, right. A scarf. That’ll totally keep you from freezing to death.” She shakes her head, muttering under her breath. “Not my problem when you get sick.”

Despite her complaints, she doesn’t open the door. Neither does Y/N. The cold can wait. 

Jiwon exhales, watching the windows slowly fog up around the edges. "You know," she muses, stretching her hands toward the vents as if savoring the last bit of warmth, "We could just sit here forever. Never leave. Live off drive-thru coffee and—” she glances at Y/N’s lap, “—whatever snacks you’ve got stashed in your bag.”

Y/N raises a brow, shifting her tote closer like she’s protecting its contents.

Jiwon snorts. “Yeah, okay, maybe not the best long-term plan.” She stares out at the shop’s glowing windows, then groans. “Alright, let’s do this before I change my mind.”

Jiwon finally shuts off the engine with a dramatic sigh, the warm air from the vents fading almost instantly. Shoving the car door open, she’s immediately met with a gust of cold wind, making her pull her coat tighter around herself. "I swear, winter’s creeping up earlier every year," she mutters.

Y/N tucks her chin into her scarf as she follows, her breath visible in the brisk air. Her steps quickened not wanting to be in the cold anymore. The shop's exterior is a little worn, the old wooden sign swinging slightly from the breeze. A warm glow spills out from the large display window, casting a soft light over an assortment of vintage trinkets and aged books.

The moment they step inside, a bell chimes overhead, and the scent of old paper, polished wood, and something vaguely floral greets them. The warmth is instant, a stark contrast to the chilly air outside.

“Oh, this place is so cool,” Jiwon whispers, even though there’s no reason to be quiet. She’s already scanning the shelves, her eyes flicking over each item with barely contained excitement.

Y/N simply nods, her fingers brushing over the spines of a few worn books on a nearby shelf. She likes places like this—quiet, filled with history. Jiwon is already a few steps ahead, eyes darting eagerly over the shelves. “God, I love this. Everything feels like it has a story, you know?” She reaches for an ornate picture frame, tilting it in her hands before wrinkling her nose. “Okay, but some of this stuff definitely looks haunted.” Y/N huffs out a quiet laugh, trailing behind her. Trinkets, books, and vintage furniture are stacked in organized chaos, making it easy to get lost in the maze of shelves and displays.

Jiwon picks up a tiny porcelain cat figurine and grins. “This looks like you.”

Y/N tilts her head, taking in the tiny, wide-eyed cat with its little paws tucked under its chest. She quirks a brow but doesn’t disagree.

Jiwon chuckles and sets it back down before moving deeper into the store. “I’m looking for something cool for my apartment. Help me look.”

Y/N follows, her fingers trailing absentmindedly over an antique jewelry box, the cool metal intricate beneath her touch. Her phone buzzes in her pocket, and she pulls it out to see a new message.

Beomgyu: Hope you’re staying warm and safe out there. It’s freezing today Beomgyu: (:

Y/N hesitates, thumb hovering over the screen. She doesn’t know why, but a small smile tugs at her lips. Y/N: I am! I hope you are too?? Jiwon suddenly appears in front of her, grinning as she holds up an old wristwatch with a cracked leather band. "What do you think? Vintage chic or just plain busted?" she asks, spinning it around her finger.

Y/N quickly locks her phone and slips it into her pocket before Jiwon can catch on. She leans in slightly, pretending to inspect the watch with a thoughtful expression, buying herself a moment to dodge the inevitable teasing.

"You could probably get a new strap for it… I think it’s cute," Y/N murmurs to Jiwon. Jiwon smiles softly, nodding as she turns the watch over in her hands. “Yeah, you’re right. A new strap would fix it up.”

She doesn’t comment on Y/N speaking—she never does. The last thing she wants is to make her friend self-conscious. Instead, she just gives a small, approving nod before carefully setting the watch back down.

“Alright, let’s keep looking. I bet there’s something weird and amazing hidden in here somewhere,” Jiwon says, eyes already scanning the shelves with excitement.

Y/N tilts her head slightly as Jiwon sets the watch back down. “Oh… you don’t want it?” she asks quietly.

Jiwon just smiles, giving a small shake of her head before moving on. She does this all the time—picking things up, admiring them for a moment, then setting them aside like she was never interested in the first place.

Y/N follows, tucking her hands into her sleeves. Just before she turns away, her gaze lingers on the watch—just for a moment, as if committing it to memory. It was a cute watch. Jiwon leads the way, weaving through narrow aisles packed with old furniture, faded paintings, and shelves lined with knickknacks from decades past. She picks up a porcelain doll with frizzy hair and exaggerated eyes, turning it toward Y/N with a mischievous grin.

“This thing is definitely haunted,” she says, wiggling it slightly for effect.

Y/N eyes the doll warily before glancing at Jiwon with a raised brow. “Are you going to pick everything up and say it’s haunted?”

Jiwon gasps dramatically and clutches the doll to her chest.“Excuse me, but I have a very keen sixth sense for cursed objects.”

Y/N just shakes her head as Jiwon laughs, setting the doll down before moving toward another display. They pass by a collection of antique cameras, their metal bodies worn but still holding a certain charm. Jiwon snaps an imaginary photo at Y/N with her fingers. "Imagine how many embarrassing pictures these things must've taken," she muses. "Like, someone's great-grandpa probably had a secret stash of goofy photos, and now they’re just... lost in time."

Y/N hums in quiet agreement, her fingers brushing over the wooden frame of an old radio. The dials are rusted, and she wonders if it still works.

Jiwon’s grin turns wicked, eyes glinting with mischief. “Or maybe some sexy ones,” she wiggles her eyebrows.

Y/N’s face immediately turns red, a rush of heat flooding her cheeks. She quickly looks away, trying to shake off the thought. “Don’t be weird,” she mutters under her breath.

Jiwon laughs, clearly enjoying the effect she has on her friend, before moving on to browse more items, leaving Y/N to hide her flustered expression.

Further into the store, Jiwon stops at a glass case of jewelry—tarnished rings, delicate lockets, and brooches adorned with tiny painted portraits. Y/N steps closer, her eyes following Jiwon’s gaze to the delicate items displayed inside the case. She runs her fingers lightly over the glass, admiring the soft glow of the tarnished rings and the intricate designs on the brooches. “They all look so... old,” Y/N says quietly, her voice almost lost in the hum of the store’s ambient noise.

Jiwon chuckles, her fingers tracing the outline of a small locket. “That’s the charm of it. Things have stories, you know? I bet these pieces have been passed down through generations.”

Y/N moves her face closer to the glass, studying the locket Jiwon is eyeing. “Do you think anyone ever knew the stories behind them?”

Jiwon grins, her eyes gleaming. “Maybe some, maybe none. But the mystery is part of the fun.” Y/N smiles faintly, the thought of those small, forgotten moments lingering in her mind. There's something comforting about the idea that these objects once held meaning for someone—somewhere, at some point.

They wander further into the store, where Jiwon suddenly stops in front of a display of vintage lamps. The soft glow from the glass shades catches her attention, and she leans in, inspecting one of the lamps with a thoughtful expression. “I’ve been looking for something like this for my apartment,” she says, running her fingers over the smooth surface. “It’s perfect, don’t you think?”

Y/N nods in agreement, glancing over at the lamp with a soft smile. Jiwon’s taste was always a bit more adventurous than her own, but she could see why this one appealed to her.

The sudden buzz of her phone interrupts her thoughts. She pulls it out, her fingers brushing against the screen as Beomgyu’s message pops up.

Beomgyu: I am! I’m staying inside today. What are your plans?

Y/N types her response quickly, then hits send.

Y/N: Just out with my friend at an antique store

She glances up from her phone to see Jiwon picking up another lamp, her eyes lit up with excitement. Y/N watches her for a moment, a small smile tugging at her lips. Beomgyu: Was her name Jiwon?

He remembers Y/N mentioning her best friend in passing during their chat at the library. He just wanted to confirm. Y/N’s eyes linger on the message, her heart giving a small, unexpected flutter. He remembered. The thought settles warmly in her chest, pulling a soft smile to her lips She doesn’t hesitate this time as she types her reply. Y/N: Yes~! Y/N pauses for a moment, biting her lip as she thinks about what else to say. She wants to keep the conversation going but doesn’t want to overthink it.Y/N: It’s nice to get out of the house for a bit. What about you? What’s your day looking like? Jiwon watches Y/N from the corner of her eye, a soft smile playing on her lips as she notices how at ease she looks while texting. It's subtle, but Jiwon is genuinely happy that her friend is reaching out and talking to people outside of their little circle.

Y/N, oblivious to Jiwon’s quiet approval, glances at her phone one last time before slipping it back into her pocket. She’s not quite sure what to make of the conversation, but there's a warmth in her chest—something she hasn’t felt in a while.

The store feels quieter now, the moment hanging between them. Y/N looks at the lamps again, but the thought of her conversation with Beomgyu lingers in the back of her mind, making her smile faintly. Jiwon picks up a lamp with a light green, smooth glass base that mimics the soft curves of a flower’s stem. The base transitions into a delicate, clear glass shade at the top, shaped like a flared tulip. The edges of the shade are gently kissed with subtle gold accents, giving it a touch of elegance. When the light flickers on, the soft glow illuminates the lamp, creating a warm, inviting atmosphere.

“This is perfect,” Jiwon says, her eyes lighting up as she cradles the lamp carefully. “It’ll look great in my apartment.”

Y/N smiles, admiring how the lamp seems to reflect Jiwon’s style—gentle, refined, and a little whimsical. She watches as Jiwon heads toward the counter to check out, still holding the lamp with a proud grin.

As the two stood at the counter, Jiwon flashed the old woman a quick smile. “One second, please,” she said, before hurrying off toward the area where she’d seen the wristwatch earlier.

Y/N shifted uncomfortably, her gaze flickering around the small store. The old woman behind the counter eyed her for a moment before speaking up with a forced smile. “It’s always nice to see someone appreciate the old things,” she said, trying to break the silence.

Y/N offered a polite nod, not sure what to say, but the old woman’s smile faltered slightly. She cleared her throat, giving a soft sigh as she added, “Not much of a talker, are you?”

The words stung more than Y/N had expected, and she quickly looked away, her face heating up. The old woman seemed to notice the awkwardness but didn’t press further. Instead, she just returned to her task, a quiet tension settling in the air as Y/N waited for Jiwon to return. Jiwon returned moments later, holding the watch in her hands with a pleased grin. She placed it on the counter, making a show of glancing at Y/N with a playful glint in her eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it,” she said, looking at the old woman. “I’ll take this as well, please.”

The old woman gave a half-smile as she began to ring it up, her eyes flickering over to Y/N one more time before turning her attention back to Jiwon. Y/N could tell the woman was still a little put off by her silence, but Jiwon didn’t seem to notice, lost in her excitement over the watch and lamp.

Y/N stayed quiet, her hands tucked into her sleeves as she watched the exchange. She felt a little out of place, standing there while Jiwon and the old woman spoke, but she didn’t mind. She was used to moments like these, where she just let the world pass by without having to contribute too much.

Jiwon turned to her with a mischievous grin as the woman handed over the bag. “You ready to go?” Her voice was light and warm.

Y/N smiled shyly, nodding her head yes. 

With the watch and lamp safely in a paper bag, Jiwon led the way out of the shop, the doorbell chiming softly as they stepped into the crisp air once again. Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine as the cold hit her, the sudden contrast from the warmth of the store. The car, now parked for a while, was freezing inside. The leather seats felt cool and unwelcoming as Y/N slid into the passenger seat, pulling her jacket tighter around herself.

Jiwon climbed in, shivering a little as she started the engine. “Ugh, I need it to be summer right now,” she muttered, rubbing her hands together. She adjusted the heater, and the car began to warm up slowly, the chill gradually easing. After another sigh, Jiwon began to pull out of the parking lot and drive to her apartment. Y/N glanced out the window, watching the city streets blur past them. The warmth of the antique shop had faded quickly, replaced by the biting cold that clung to her even inside the car. She tucked her hands into her sleeves, shivering slightly.

Jiwon shot her a knowing look. "It’s freezing now, huh? We were in there forever." She cranked up the heat, taking her hands off the steering wheel, rubbing her hands together for a few seconds. "You’re gonna love my apartment, it looks way different from last time you’ve seen it. It’s a little messy, but it’s cozy, and I made sure to stock up on snacks for tonight."

Y/N offered a small smile. 

The drive was peaceful, the city lights casting a soft glow through the windshield. The hum of the engine mixed with the occasional murmur of the radio, creating a quiet that felt comfortable rather than empty. By the time they reached Jiwon’s building, the car had finally warmed up, making it even harder to step back into the cold.

The wind nipped at their cheeks as they hurried inside, climbing the stairs to Jiwon’s apartment. It was just as Y/N remembered—scattered books, mismatched throw blankets, and walls covered in photos and art. The space felt lived-in, warm in a way that made it easy to relax. The only difference was the fact that there was more decor scattered around. 

Jiwon placed the bag onto the coffee table before peeling off her coat. "Make yourself at home," she said, already moving toward the kitchen. "You want tea or something?"

Y/N settled onto the couch, letting out a quiet breath. "Tea sounds good."

As Jiwon busied herself in the kitchen, Y/N realized she hadn’t checked her phone since last texting Beomgyu. Fishing it out of her pocket, she glanced at the notifications on her lock screen.

Beomgyu: Probably just hanging out with my roommate, destroying him in video games as usual lol Beomgyu: You got plans after shopping? Beomgyu: Update…  he’s officially the worst. It’s almost too easy

A small smile tugged at Y/N’s lips. She quickly unlocked her phone to type a reply.

Y/N: Loll glad you're having fun humbling him. Y/N: I’m just having a sleepover with Jiwon tonight.

The apartment was calm, the soft clinking of mugs and the distant hum of the kettle filling the space. Jiwon returned from the kitchen, handing Y/N a warm mug before settling onto the couch beside her. “Chamomile tea,” she said, taking a sip of her own. “It felt like the right choice.”

Y/N held the cup between her hands, letting the warmth seep into her fingers. She eyed Jiwon skeptically. “Doesn’t chamomile make you sleepy? I thought we were supposed to stay up all night… This might be a challenge for me, considering I already fall asleep easily.”

Jiwon snorted. “Okay, maybe I didn’t think that through. But hey, at least we’ll be relaxed.”

Before Y/N could respond, her phone buzzed again beside her. She glanced down and saw Beomgyu’s name on the screen.

Beomgyu: Honestly, my roommate might need a few pointers at this rate Beomgyu: What are you guys up to now?

A small smile tugged at her lips once more as she typed back.

Y/N: Just got to Jiwon’s place. Probably picking a movie soon.

As she hit send, she noticed Jiwon watching her over the rim of her mug, a hint of amusement in her eyes.

“You’ve been on your phone a lot,” Jiwon remarked casually, setting her drink down.

Y/N hesitated, then placed her phone beside her. “…It’s just Beomgyu.” Jiwon raised an eyebrow, a slow grin spreading across her face. “Just Beomgyu?” she echoed, drawing out the word as she set her mug down. “You don’t text anyone back this fast, not even me.”

Y/N opened her mouth to argue but quickly shut it, feeling her face warm.

Jiwon gasped, eyes twinkling. “Oh my god. You like talking to him.”

Y/N groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Stop.”

“I knew it!” Jiwon clapped her hands together in triumph. “This is so cute. My best friend, texting a cute boy, smiling at her phone…” She sighed dramatically, leaning back against the couch like this was the greatest revelation of the year.

Y/N peeked at her through her fingers, shaking her head, but she couldn’t fight the small smile on her lips. With a sigh, she lowered her hands to her lap and mumbled, “How did you even know he was cute?”

Jiwon grinned. “I do now.”

Y/N’s face burned even hotter as Jiwon burst into laughter.

Jiwon’s laughter finally faded as she took another sip of her tea, though the amused glint in her eyes remained. She nudged Y/N’s foot with her own. “Alright, alright, I’ll back off… for now.”

But just as Y/N started to relax, Jiwon smirked. “But—if you ever need help picking out a cute outfit for a date, I better be the first person you call.” Y/N groaned softly, dropping her head back against the couch. “You really don’t know when to stop, do you?”

Jiwon grinned. “Nope. That’s what best friends are for.” She reached for the remote, flipping through movie options. “Now, before you turn into a puddle of embarrassment, let’s pick a movie. Horror or rom-com?”

Y/N gave her a look. “Those are very different moods.”

Jiwon shrugged. “Yeah, but I could go for either. Something scary to keep us awake, or something ridiculously cheesy so I can make fun of it the whole time.”

Y/N tucked her legs beneath her, glancing at the screen as Jiwon scrolled through the options. “Let’s just pick something already.”

Jiwon smirked. “Impatient, huh? Alright, horror it is.” She clicked on a movie without hesitation. “This one’s supposed to be terrifying. Hope you don’t regret it.”

Y/N pulled a blanket over her lap. “Doubt it.”

As the movie started, the dim lighting in the apartment made the eerie atmosphere even more intense. The occasional sound of the wind outside only added to the effect. For the most part, Y/N stayed quiet, while Jiwon reacted to every tense moment—gasping, groaning, and muttering under her breath when a character made a dumb decision.

Then, a sudden jump scare made them both flinch.

Jiwon immediately grabbed Y/N’s arm, letting out a dramatic gasp. “Okay, I take it back. Maybe we should’ve gone with the cheesy rom-com.”

Y/N shook her head, biting back a smile. 

Jiwon sighed in defeat, but she didn’t let go of Y/N’s arm as she settled back against the couch. “Fine. But if I have nightmares, you’re staying up with me.”

Y/N just nudged her lightly, focusing back on the screen. Despite the lingering tension of the movie, there was something comforting about sitting here like this—warm, safe, and completely at ease.

The library was quiet except for the low murmur of other students working, mixing with the occasional rustle of pages. Beomgyu had been trying to focus on the textbook in front of him, but his mind kept wandering. His eyes kept drifting toward Y/N, who sat across from him, completely engrossed in her reading. She was so calm, her focus unwavering as she flipped through the pages of her textbook.

Beomgyu was usually a strong student in psychology, but tonight he couldn’t concentrate. The steady rhythm of her pen as she highlighted key sections of the text was oddly soothing, and he found himself getting caught up in the way she moved, the way she seemed so perfectly in control of everything.

He shook his head and tried to refocus, but the words on the page started blurring again. It was frustrating. He wasn’t used to being distracted like this.

Finally, after several minutes of futile attempts to concentrate, he let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. He glanced at her again, his curiosity getting the better of him. Her brow was furrowed in concentration, and there was a small, faint smile playing on her lips as she jotted something down in her notebook.

He couldn’t help it—he just had to know.

“Are you struggling with this section too, or is it just me?” Beomgyu asked, trying to keep his voice light.

Y/N didn’t answer right away. Instead, she set down her pen, opened her notebook, and quickly scribbled something in her neat handwriting. She slid the notebook across the table toward him without a word.

Beomgyu picked it up, reading the message she’d written.

It’s a bit confusing, but I think the key is focusing on the major theories first. He smiled, grateful for her help. “Yeah, I was getting caught up in all the little details,” he said softly, glancing over at her. She looked up for a moment, meeting his eyes briefly before returning to her work, and Beomgyu couldn’t help but feel a little warmth in his chest. For the next few minutes, he tried to focus again. Beomgyu’s eyes flicked between the multiple-choice questions and Y/N. His pen hovered over the page as his mind wandered. The questions were easy, but it was hard to focus when she was sitting across from him. He could hear his own thoughts growing louder in his head, frustrated at how easily he was being distracted.

Finally, after a long pause, he asked, "What do you think about the multiple-choice questions?"

Y/N didn’t respond with words. Instead, she stood up, her movements smooth and deliberate as she walked over to him and sat down beside him. It would be easier to work on the questions together if they were sitting right next to each other. Beomgyu’s heart skipped a beat at how close she was now. She smelled light and fresh—something faint but calming—and it made it even harder for him to focus. Beomgyu swallowed, trying to ignore the way his heart raced at the proximity. He tried to focus on the homework again, but with Y/N sitting so close now, the words on the page seemed to blur into mush.

After a moment of trying to focus, Beomgyu asked, "What do you think about number five? I keep going back and forth on it.”

Y/N wrote something quickly in her notebook and then slid it over to him. Beomgyu leaned in slightly to read her answer. His breath caught when he realized how close they were—his shoulder brushing hers, their arms almost touching. It made his heart race.

He nodded, trying to keep his voice steady. “You’re probably right,” he murmured. “I guess I’m just overthinking it.”

Y/N didn’t reply, but she gave him a small, almost imperceptible smile before returning to her work. Beomgyu couldn’t help but feel a rush of warmth in his chest. Something about the way she interacted with him—quiet but still so present.

For a moment, he just watched her, his mind caught between wanting to say something and the sudden wave of nerves that had settled in his stomach. He was usually confident around anyone—he never had trouble striking up conversations—but for some reason, this felt different. His usual confidence was slipping away. The more he tried to think of something to say, the more nervous he felt. He wasn’t sure what had changed, but he was beginning to wonder why he was suddenly acting like this around her.

He opened his mouth, wanting to ask her about the weekend—maybe invite her to grab a bite to eat—but the words didn’t come. He closed his mouth and immediately regretted it, his hand instinctively rubbing the back of his neck.

Just as he was about to chicken out entirely, Y/N wrote something in her notebook and slid it toward him. He blinked at the words she had written. Number six is confusing me... Is it B or C? He was momentarily relieved by the shift in focus. She needed help with a question, not a complicated invitation. He looked over the question, his mind grounding itself in something familiar. “Ah, okay, I see what you’re thinking. It’s C,” he said, pointing to the answer. “You’re probably getting caught up in the wording, but trust me on this one.” Y/N nodded as she wrote a quick “Thanks” and returned her focus to the paper. Beomgyu couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. It was simple, this moment—just helping her out—but it felt oddly… comforting. Even though his nerves were still buzzing under the surface, he was thankful for the small connection. They spent a while in quiet focus, only the sound of pens scratching on paper and the occasional shuffle of pages filling the air. Beomgyu found himself getting more into the homework as they worked together, though his attention still wandered toward Y/N from time to time. Her concentration was captivating; she’d pause every now and then to jot something down in her notebook or glance at him for a brief moment, but she never seemed rushed. There was a calmness about her that made everything feel... easier. Even the homework.

Every so often, Beomgyu would ask her if she was okay with a particular question or if she needed help with anything. Her response would always come in the form of a few words written neatly in her notebook or nodding. They worked well together, silently communicating as they made their way through the pages, and somehow, the time slipped by without either of them noticing.

By the time they finished, Beomgyu leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head with a quiet groan. “Man, that took way longer than I thought,” he muttered, glancing over at Y/N. “I think I might’ve over complicated some of those answers.”

Y/N didn't speak, but she gave a small smile, the kind that didn’t require any words to understand. Beomgyu felt his chest warm at the sight of it, and for a moment, everything just felt… simple. It felt right. They’d been sitting together like this for a while now, the distance between them comfortable, not awkward. It was as if they didn’t need to fill every silence with words—there was something just as meaningful in the quiet.

He looked down at his notebook, fingers tapping on the edge of the page as he tried to gather the courage. His heart still beat a little too fast, his words feeling a little too heavy in his mouth. Normally, Beomgyu didn’t hesitate to ask anyone to hang out, but there was something different about asking Y/N. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Finally, after a beat of silence, he turned to her again, his voice a little less steady than he intended. “Hey,” he started, trying to sound casual, “I was thinking of hanging out with Taehyun this weekend. Would you like to join us? I don’t know, maybe grab something to eat or do something fun? No pressure or anything, just thought it might be nice.”

He immediately regretted the way the words came out. He hadn’t meant to sound so unsure. Beomgyu didn’t get nervous about asking people to hang out, but something about her sitting so close, had him second-guessing himself. His mind was racing. Why did I mention Taehyun? Beomgyu's stomach twisted slightly. He wondered if it might make things awkward, or if the idea of hanging out with two guys might overwhelm her. Maybe she’d feel uncomfortable with a group. He quickly pushed the thoughts aside, not wanting to overthink it. He waited for her response, he glanced at her, his fingers tapping a nervous rhythm on the table. Y/N hesitated, her fingers nervously tracing the edge of her notebook. She felt her face flush, warmth spreading through her cheeks as she tried to calm her racing heart. The thought of spending more time with Beomgyu was exciting but also made her self-conscious. After a few seconds of internal debate, she grabbed her notebook and scribbled her answer quickly, trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. Her handwriting was a bit messier than usual, the nerves making her pen waver slightly across the paper.

I work until 2 pm on Saturday, but I would like to.

She held her breath for a moment, watching as Beomgyu’s gaze flickered from her words to her face. His eyes softened, and for a brief second, she caught a glimpse of surprise in them. She hadn’t expected him to react that way, but she couldn’t help the small rush of pride that swelled inside her, knowing she’d said yes.

Beomgyu blinked, and for a split second, seemed lost in his own thoughts. Then, his smile broke out—wide and genuine—lighting up his whole face. His voice was almost too eager, a hint of disbelief slipping through. “Really?” His voice was quieter than usual as if he was still absorbing the fact that she’d agreed. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to… I’m just glad you’re up for it.” He rubbed the back of his neck as if trying to keep himself from looking too eager, but the light in his eyes gave him away.

Y/N’s heart fluttered at the sight of his smile, the relief and happiness in his expression making her chest tighten in a good way. She hadn’t expected this much joy to come from such a simple exchange. Beomgyu leaned back in his seat, a grin still tugging at the corners of his lips. He felt a strange mix of excitement and disbelief, but it was quickly replaced by a more relaxed, content feeling as he realized she wanted to spend time with him.

"Okay, cool," he said, trying to sound nonchalant but unable to keep the smile from his voice. "We can figure out what to do once you’re free. Taehyun's pretty laid-back, so it’ll be fun."

Y/N’s gaze flickered to the side, her fingers pressing gently against the edge of her notebook, unsure of what to say next. She was still processing the fact that she'd agreed, but she couldn’t deny the fluttering feeling in her chest. It was a strange mix of nerves and anticipation. Being around Beomgyu had become something she looked forward to, even if it was still new and a little overwhelming.

After a few moments of silence, Beomgyu’s voice broke through again. Beomgyu leaned back in his seat once more, his heart still racing. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t overwhelming her, so he quickly asked, “Is it okay if Taehyun comes too? I know I mentioned him but I don’t want to put you on the spot if that’s not what you were expecting.” He glanced over at her, hoping she didn’t feel pressured.

Y/N’s eyes flickered before she returned to her notebook, her fingers lightly grazing the page. She was nervous, but she wanted to try. It was a strange feeling—being overwhelmed but still wanting to make the effort. Y/N quickly wrote down. I’m nervous, but I’d like to meet him.

Beomgyu felt his chest warm at her answer. He noticed the subtle way her shoulders were tense, but there was a quiet determination in her words. He smiled softly, trying to ease her nerves. “I’m really glad you’re up for it,” he said, his voice kind and reassuring. “But if you ever feel overwhelmed, just let me know. We’ll keep things chill, okay?”

Y/N nodded, her face flushed with a mix of nerves and something else—perhaps a hint of excitement. Beomgyu couldn't help but feel a little giddy inside. It made him happy to see her stepping out of her comfort zone, even just a little.

“Alright, then,” he said with a grin, his excitement slipping through. “I’m really looking forward to it. I think Taehyun’s gonna be excited to meet you too.” Y/N paused at his words, her brow furrowing in slight confusion. Taehyun? she thought, her heart suddenly thumping faster. Why would Taehyun be excited to meet me? Did Beomgyu talk to him about me?

She looked up at Beomgyu, her eyes silently asking the question, but she didn’t write anything down this time, unsure of how to phrase it. Beomgyu’s grin faltered slightly when he saw the confusion in her eyes. His own gaze flickered around, trying to avoid meeting hers, his chest tightening under the weight of her quiet stare. He cleared his throat, trying to sound nonchalant despite the warmth creeping up his neck.

“Oh, uh, Taehyun’s just... been curious, you know?” he said, his words stumbling out a little too quickly. “We hang out a lot, talk a lot more these days, and he’s asked about you. So, uh, I told him a little bit.”

He couldn’t help it. Taehyun was his best friend, and he’d mentioned Y/N to Taehyun more than a few times. But he hadn’t expected to feel this nervous about it.

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. He talks about me? The thought made her stomach flutter, her pulse quickening. She wasn’t sure what to make of it—she wasn’t used to being the topic of anyone’s conversations, let alone someone like Beomgyu.

Beomgyu noticed her silence and immediately felt a knot tighten in his stomach. His face reddened, and he tried to salvage the situation. “Not, like, all the time!” he blurted out, looking anywhere but at her. “I mean, just a little. He’s... he’s a curious guy, that’s all.”

Y/N couldn’t help but smile faintly. Her heart was still racing, but she found herself oddly touched, even if she wasn’t sure what to think. The idea that Beomgyu had mentioned her to someone else felt strange—but kind of nice at the same time.

Beomgyu shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes dropping to his notebook as if that could distract him from how flustered he felt. “Anyway, he’s cool. I think you two would get along just fine,” he added quickly, eager to change the subject and move on from the awkwardness.

Y/N gave a small nod, her smile softening. She wasn’t sure how she felt about being talked about, but Beomgyu’s easygoing tone and the way he spoke about Taehyun made her think it couldn’t be all that bad. She felt a little more at ease now, even though her heart was still beating a little faster than usual. Beomgyu glanced at the clock on the wall, realizing how late it had gotten. The library had grown quieter as the evening dragged on, the sound of whispered conversations and pages turning gradually fading into silence. He stretched his arms over his head, a quiet yawn escaping as he began gathering his things. “Wanna head out then, it’s getting late,” He asked her. Y/N nodded, then began packing her notebook and pens into her bag, preparing to leave. She looked up at him, meeting his gaze for a moment before turning back to her belongings, her movements deliberate.

Beomgyu stood up and reached for his own things. A small part of him felt reluctant for the night to end. It had been a good study session, and he wasn’t quite ready to leave the comfortable silence they’d shared. Y/N zipped up her bag and stood up, the weight of the evening’s work resting on her shoulders. She wrote in the notes app on her phone, then turned it to show him. I should go. It’s getting late.

Beomgyu nodded, he caught a glimpse of the rain outside—thin sheets of water falling steadily, blurring the outlines of the campus. His heart gave a little tug as he noticed her without an umbrella. He couldn’t just let her walk out there alone, not in the rain.

“Hey, wait,” Beomgyu said quickly, moving next to her now. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

Y/N paused, her brow furrowing just slightly. She hadn’t expected him to offer, but warmth flushed over her cheeks at the thought. She gave him a small, shy nod, then quickly wrote down in her phone then turned it so he could see.

Okay, thanks, I would like that! Beomgyu’s grin widened as he grabbed his umbrella from one of the empty chairs he set it down on.  “Let’s go,” He said softly leading them out of the building. As they walked outside, Beomgyu opened the umbrella with a smooth flick of his wrist. He stepped toward her, holding it over both of them. The sound of their footsteps filled the air as they fell into step together. The air felt cool, with the rain gently pattering against the umbrella above them. The steady rhythm of the rain created a peaceful backdrop, quieting everything and making it feel more intimate.

Beomgyu held the umbrella close to both of them, their shoulders almost brushing as they walked side by side. The rain was light but persistent, soaking the ground and filling the air with a damp, fresh scent. He couldn’t help but notice how close she was now, the soft glow of the streetlamps catching in the raindrops around them. The walk was short, but Beomgyu felt the weight of every step, each one heavier than the last. The steady rhythm of their footsteps seemed to echo between them, yet it was the quiet, unspoken moments that filled the space. He could hear the soft rustle of Y/N’s jacket, the faint shuffle of her footsteps as they perfectly matched his own. Every sound seemed amplified in the silence that stretched between them, making the air feel electric, charged with something unspoken.

The proximity felt different tonight—closer, more intimate, as if the air between them was thicker, more tangible. His mind raced, caught between the thrill of it and the nervous flutter in his chest. It almost felt like too much, but not in a bad way—it felt right, like they were teetering on the edge of something new.

Beomgyu glanced down at her, just as Y/N looked up at him. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and his heart skipped in his chest. Her face flushed faintly, and she quickly turned her gaze away, making him feel both lighter and heavier all at once. His pulse quickened, the nervous energy building between them.

Y/N pulled out her phone again, the soft glow of the screen illuminating her face in the dim light. Beomgyu wondered, for a split second, if she was going to write something. But she hesitated. The silence between them stretched, thick with anticipation. He kept his eyes ahead, giving her the space to decide whether she wanted to talk. His heart beat a little faster, unsure of what to say next.

Finally, Y/N typed something, glancing down at her screen before showing him the message.

Thank you again for walking me to my car, means a lot.

“No problem,” Beomgyu said with a smile, though there was a quiet sincerity in his voice. He didn’t mind at all. “Really, it’s no trouble.”

Y/N nodded, but there was a small pause before she typed again, her fingers moving quickly over the keys.

And thank you for hanging out with me today, I had fun even though we were just studying.

Beomgyu chuckled softly, shaking his head, his heart light. “You don’t have to keep thanking me,” he said with a laugh, his voice a little warmer now. “I like hanging out with you too, Y/N.”

Y/N smiled back, her gaze holding his for a moment, a soft, unspoken understanding passing between them. There was something about the way her eyes softened, the way her lips curled into that quiet smile that made his chest tighten in the best way.

A few more strides, and they were at her car. The moment felt too short, too fleeting. She typed one last message.

Do you want me to drive you to your dorm?

Beomgyu shook his head, the smile never leaving his face. “No, it’s fine. My dorm is a short walk from here, no worries. Just... make it home safely, okay?”

Y/N nodded, unlocking her car. As she slipped into the driver's seat, Beomgyu took a step back, not quite ready for the night to end.

“Goodnight,” he said softly, the words almost lingering in the cool air. “Text me when you get home, so I know you made it, okay?”

Y/N gave him a big smile, nodding enthusiastically before she closed the door. Beomgyu stood there for a moment, watching her, feeling like time had slowed just for them. He stepped back slowly, starting his own walk home with a huge grin on his face. The rain seemed to soften around him, and for the first time in a long while, he felt giddy—lost in thoughts of Y/N, with the sound of raindrops tapping on the pavement filling the silence.

The soft hum of the car’s engine died as Y/N pulled into the driveway, her headlights casting a warm glow on the familiar path to the front door. She turned off the engine, her heart still racing from the walk with Beomgyu, the memory of their quiet closeness lingering in her chest. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel tight, a mixture of excitement and nervousness swirling in her stomach. She stepped out of the car, and the cool, rainy night air hit her skin. She quickly made her way toward the front door, not wanting to get rained on. The house stood dark and quiet, except for a light glowing faintly from the living room. Her dad had always been a night owl; he liked having his alone time, and nighttime was the best for that. As soon as Y/N stepped inside, she was met with the lingering scent of dinner—something rich, buttery, and warm—curling in the air like a cruel tease. Her stomach twisted at the smell, a stark reminder of how long it had been since she last ate.

She took off her shoes and glanced toward the living room, where her dad was stretching as he got up from the couch. The TV cast a soft glow across the room, the volume low, as if he’d just been waiting for her to come home.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, his voice easy, casual. “You have a good night?”

She nodded, forcing a small smile. “Yeah.” 

“Good,” he said, rubbing his eyes as he stifled a yawn. “I was just about to head to bed. Glad you made it home safe.”

She nodded again, but her mind was elsewhere—on the scent still clinging to the air, making her mouth water. Without another word, she slipped into the kitchen.

The counters were wiped clean, not a single dish left out. The fridge door was cool against her fingers as she pulled it open, scanning the shelves for anything—a plate, a container, something saved for her. But the space where leftovers should be was empty.

Her brows furrowed. She stepped back, inhaling again, and that’s when it hit her. The smell wasn’t just hanging in the air—it was stronger, closer.

She turned slowly, her eyes landing on the trash can. The lid wasn’t fully shut. A faint dread settled in her chest as she reached out, pressing it open with her foot.

There, among crumpled napkins and discarded scraps, was a takeout container, its lid haphazardly resting on top. Inside, untouched food—still neatly packed, barely eaten—mocked her from beneath the dim kitchen light.

Thrown away.

She stared for a moment, her throat tightening. Not forgotten. Tossed out. On purpose.

The quiet of the house pressed in on her, the weight of it settling in her stomach alongside the hunger.

Behind her, her dad’s footsteps padded toward the hallway. “I heard you ate already?” he asked, voice heavy with exhaustion.

She hesitated, fingers curling at her sides, and she gave a quick, tight nod of her head. Her stepmom must have lied to him. She had to be the one who threw the perfectly good food out; her dad would never do such a thing.

“Good.” He patted her shoulder in passing, a brief, absentminded gesture before disappearing down the hall. “Night, kid.”

The words barely registered. Y/N stood there for a moment longer, staring at the discarded meal and the empty fridge.

Swallowing down the tightness in her throat, she turned back to the pantry, opening it with slow, quiet movements. She didn’t want to think too hard about it, didn’t want to let it settle too deep, so she reached for the first thing her fingers brushed against—a granola bar.

Not enough to feel full, but enough to get rid of the ache in her stomach.

Peeling the wrapper open, she took a small bite, barely tasting it as she flicked off the kitchen light and padded toward her room.

The week had flown by. Beomgyu and Y/N had been texting constantly, their conversations stretching longer and longer each day. They found themselves meeting up in the library more often than not. It felt like things were shifting between them, slowly but surely. But today was Saturday—the day she would officially meet Taehyun. She was nervous, but she wanted to do this. Taehyun meant a lot to Beomgyu, and she knew this was important. She just hoped he wouldn’t judge her for not speaking.

As she stepped out of her room, loud chatter broke the silence. The muffled sounds of conversation came from the kitchen. The scent of freshly brewed coffee reached her as she made her way downstairs, her stomach twisting with anticipation. 

Her stepmom, sitting at the kitchen table, was chatting with a friend over coffee. Their voices carried through the hallway, a steady hum of laughter and idle chatter. Y/N hesitated outside the kitchen, taking a deep breath before stepping inside nervously, trying to make herself as invisible as possible.

She opened the fridge, the cool air rushing out to greet her, and began to sift through the contents. Her fingers brushed over the containers of ripe fruit—blueberries, grapes, and blackberries. She pulled out a few pieces of each, letting the sweet scent of the fruit fill her nose. She mainly picked at the blackberries, hoping to avoid the inevitable confrontation. But then, her stepmom’s voice broke through the quiet kitchen air, sharp and cutting through the hum of conversation. “Y/N,” she called, her tone slightly raised, “Come say hi to Mrs. Yoon.”

Y/N didn’t respond, her eyes still focused on the fruit, feeling the familiar discomfort settle into her chest. She just kept chewing, deliberately slow, as she tried to blend into the kitchen’s background. She could almost feel her stepmom’s eyes on her, waiting for a reaction, but Y/N remained still.

There was a long pause before her stepmom spoke again, her voice dripping with condescension. “Honestly, you’ve been so quiet lately. You’d think I raised someone who couldn’t speak at all.” There was a soft, forced chuckle from Mrs. Yoon, her stepmom’s friend, which made Y/N’s stomach tighten.

Mrs. Yoon’s laugh echoed in the kitchen, her voice high-pitched and exaggerated. “Maybe she’s just shy, huh? But surely you could say a word or two. I mean, it’s not like it would hurt.”

Y/N’s grip on the blackberries tightened, and she felt her chest constrict. The words landed like cold, harsh stones, but she didn’t flinch. She wasn’t going to engage. Not this time.

Sensing an opening, her stepmom pressed on, her voice sharpening just a little. “Y/N,” she called, a bit louder now, “Don’t be rude. You're not a little girl anymore; it's polite to talk to our guests.” The words felt like a punch to the gut. Y/N’s breath hitched, but she didn’t look up. She didn’t meet her stepmom’s eyes. She could feel the weight of the silence stretching between them, almost suffocating. But she just chewed another blackberry, her eyes focused on the fruit, hoping the moment would pass. But it wouldn’t, and Y/N knew that. So, with all her strength, she turned around slowly, bowing her head to Mrs. Yoon, not daring to look up at the woman. Her cheeks were flushed red from pure embarrassment. Mrs. Yoon, blissfully unaware of the tension, continued. “You know, Y/N,” she said, her tone dripping with fake sweetness, “You’re so pretty. I’m sure you could talk if you wanted to. It’s probably just a phase, right?”

The words were laced with that same mocking cheerfulness that made Y/N’s skin crawl. Her throat tightened painfully as she felt the heat rise in her chest. Y/N just kept holding the small container of blackberries, pretending that was enough to focus on. "Too old for it to be a phase," Her stepmom said in a sour tone. "We thought it was a phase when she was four... Still hasn’t grown out of it. She's just plain rude now."

The chair scraped softly against the tiled floor as Mrs. Yoon stood up. Y/N quickly grabbed another berry, her fingers trembling just slightly as she moved toward the counter, trying to escape the tension without making it obvious. Mrs. Yoon passed by her, muttering under her breath, but Y/N didn’t look up. “There’s nothing wrong with a little effort, Y/N,” Mrs. Yoon’s voice was cold—her words barely more than a hiss as she passed by.  “You wouldn’t want people to think you’re strange, would you?”

Y/N’s grip tightened on the container, but she didn’t respond. She turned slowly toward the pantry, the sound of her steps muffled on the floor as she opened the door. She grabbed a granola bar, anything to get away from the conversation, anything to fill the emptiness in her stomach without thinking too much about the conversation she couldn’t escape. “This is embarrassing,” her stepmom huffed as she also walked past Y/N into the living room, following Mrs. Yoon. 

With a quick motion, Y/N stuffed the granola bar into her pocket, not bothering to open it. She couldn’t focus on food right now, not when her heart was still pounding in her chest. She placed the container of fruit back into the fridge. Without sparing a glance behind her, she turned and made her way toward the stairs, her steps hurried but quiet, like she was trying to outrun the weight of the moment. As she reached the top, she shut the door to her room, the brief silence offering a small relief from the chaos below. She quickly changed into her work clothes, trying to ignore the nerves still gnawing at her stomach. Her hands were unsteady as she buttoned her shirt, the fabric feeling tight and unfamiliar against her skin. She tried to push down the unease, telling herself it was just the usual anxiety. But today, it felt different—more intense, like everything was building up. She glanced at the clock. She was running out of time. With a deep breath, she quickly finished getting ready, her movements a little more frantic than usual. Y/N quickly grabbed a change of clothes from her closet, her fingers still trembling as she folded them neatly. She added the set to her bag, making sure she wouldn’t forget anything for after work. The tension in her chest hadn't eased, but she tried to focus, heading to the bathroom.

Her reflection stared back at her as she brushed her teeth, the familiar minty taste doing little to calm her nerves. She ran a comb through her hair, the bristles catching slightly, but she didn’t mind. She needed to get going. Maybe once she was out of the house, things would feel a little easier. But as she packed her things and took one last look around the room, the knot in her stomach stayed tight, reminding her that her day was only just beginning.

The clock struck the hour, signaling the end of her shift, and Y/N quickly clocked out, feeling the weight of the long day slip off her shoulders. She quickly changed out of her work uniform and into a simple, comfortable outfit in the bathroom. Once she was done, she stood in front of the mirror, making sure she looked presentable. She kept patting at a flyaway strand of hair, with a huff and it not staying down she decided to pull her phone out. Her fingers trembled as she sent Beomgyu a text. Y/N: Hey! I’m done (: After pressing send, she went back to fixing her hair. The strand was barely noticeable, but it was all Y/N could focus on. She tried to breathe a little deeper, trying to push away the anxiety that had been building all day. The minutes dragged on endlessly until her phone buzzed, Beomgyu's reply lighting up the screen.

Beomgyu: Taehyun wants to cook for us tonight. He loves cooking, so we’ll all be eating at his place instead of going out! Y/N blinked at the message, a mix of emotions swirling inside her. She was glad she wouldn’t have to deal with the pressure of picking a place to eat or having to try and order in public in front of them. But the thought of meeting Taehyun still made her stomach twist in knots. She had heard so much about him, and the idea of meeting someone important to Beomgyu—someone who was already a part of his world—made her feel out of place. Still, she couldn’t back out now. Y/N: Sounds good!! I’m excited She got a reply right away. Beomgyu: Me too! You can come here now. I’m already here (: He had sent another text right after with Taehyun’s address. Just like Jiwon, Taehyun lived in a off campus apartment. She gathered her things, slinging her bag over her shoulder before stepping out of the café into the warm afternoon air. The sun hung high in the sky, casting soft golden light over the parking lot. A gentle breeze carried the lingering scent of coffee and pastries as Y/N made her way to her car, her footsteps quiet against the pavement.

She slid into the driver's seat, exhaled slowly, and gripped the wheel for a moment before starting the car. The low hum of the engine filled the cabin, but it did little to settle the nervous energy bubbling inside her.

She pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, her thoughts racing faster than the cars passing by. Would Taehyun like her? Would she embarrass herself? She tried to focus on the drive—the steady rhythm of the traffic lights, the soft murmur of the radio—but the closer she got to Taehyun’s apartment, the harder it became to push away the tightness in her chest.

The drive felt both too short and too long, the minutes stretching endlessly and yet slipping away before she could fully prepare herself. When she finally turned into the apartment complex, her stomach twisted even tighter. The building stood tall and modern, its clean lines and muted tones unfamiliar, almost imposing.

She pulled into an empty parking spot and let out a shaky breath, gripping the steering wheel before forcing herself to move. She adjusted the strap of her bag and stepped out of the car with slow, careful movements. Each step toward Taehyun’s door felt heavier, anxiety pressing against her ribs.

She reached the door, hesitating for a moment before pressing the doorbell. The soft chime rang through the hallway, and Y/N swallowed against the lump in her throat, waiting. The sound of muffled footsteps neared the door, and Y/N instinctively straightened, tightening her grip on her bag. A second later, the door swung open, revealing Beomgyu.

His face instantly lit up at the sight of her, a familiar warmth in his expression that made her chest flutter. “Hey, you made it,” he said with a grin, stepping aside to let her in.

Y/N nodded quickly and stepped over the threshold into the apartment. The scent of something savory filled the air, and the faint sound of a knife chopping against a cutting board echoed from the kitchen.

“Taehyun’s in there,” Beomgyu said, tilting his head toward the kitchen as he shut the door behind her. “He’s been cooking since, like, forever. I think he wants to impress you.”

Y/N’s stomach flipped at the thought, her fingers fidgeting with the strap of her bag. Beomgyu must've noticed, because he nudged her lightly. “Hey, you don’t have to be nervous. Taehyun’s chill, I promise.”

She knew he meant well, but her nerves weren’t so easily soothed. Her hands felt stiff at her sides as she gently kicked off her shoes, then followed Beomgyu further inside. The apartment was cozy, a blend of modern and lived-in. There were books and notebooks stacked on the coffee table, a couple of blankets lazily thrown over the couch, and a few potted plants scattered around. It felt like a space filled with quiet routines and comfort. Before she could dwell on it too long, a voice called out from the kitchen. “You’re just in time.”

Y/N looked up as Taehyun stepped into view, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. He was a little shorter than Beomgyu but carried himself with an easy confidence. His dark eyes studied her for a moment before he offered a small smile. “Hey, Y/N,” he said, his tone calm but not unkind. “Nice to finally meet you.” She swallowed hard as Taehyun looked at her, but for a split second, her mind wandered—his eyes were calm, almost too calm for someone who'd just met her. It made her wonder what it was like to be that comfortable with a stranger. She wished she could be more like that. Taehyun was a familiar face, she’s seen him before with Beomgyu and in their psychology lecture. But she’s only stolen glances at him, she’s never actually taken in his appearance until now. 

Y/N’s heart hammered against her ribs. he bowed her head in greeting, hoping it would be enough. Beomgyu had to mention to Taehyun that I didn’t talk, right? She thought to herself. Taehyun caught the small gesture and offered a soft smile in return—acknowledging her without making things awkward. He knew she didn’t talk, and he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it. Beomgyu, on the other hand, flopped onto the couch with a dramatic sigh. “Tell me you made enough food for me to eat like a king.”

Taehyun shot him an unimpressed look. “I made enough for three people, which means you’re eating like a normal human being.”

Y/N felt a small, unexpected smile tug at her lips. The dynamic between them was natural like they had their own rhythm, their own inside jokes. She felt like an outsider looking in, but the warmth in the room wasn’t lost on her.

“You can sit,” Taehyun said, nodding toward the couch. “Food’s almost ready.” Y/N hesitated before moving toward the couch, her hands still gripping the strap of her bag like a lifeline. The nerves hadn’t gone away, but as Beomgyu continued to whine about how starving he was and Taehyun expertly ignored him, she felt herself exhale just a little. She set her bag down next to her on the couch, still holding onto the strap for comfort. 

As the rich, spicy aroma of the simmering soup filled the apartment, Beomgyu sprawled beside her, bouncing his knee absentmindedly. The low hum of Taehyun moving around in the kitchen mixed with the occasional clatter of utensils, blending into a comfortable hum of normalcy. Beomgyu stretched his arms above his head before glancing at Y/N. “Was work okay?”

She blinked at him, briefly surprised by the question, before reaching for her phone. It was fine. Pretty busy.

Beomgyu peeked at the screen and nodded. “Yeah, I bet. The café always looks packed when I walk by.” He let his head fall back against the couch. “I’d suck at that job. I’d mess up orders left and right.”

Y/N tilted her head slightly, her fingers hovering over her phone before she typed, she wanted to tease him a little. Sounds like you’d get fired right away.

Beomgyu gasped, placing a hand over his chest in mock offense. “You’re supposed to say, ‘No, Beomgyu, you’d be amazing!’ Where’s the support?”

Her lips twitched, the smallest hint of amusement flickering in her eyes.

Before Beomgyu could continue his fake sulking, Taehyun’s voice carried from the kitchen. “Food’s ready. Come eat.”

Beomgyu immediately shot up. “Finally.” Y/N followed him to the small dining table, where Taehyun was setting down three steaming bowls of soup. The deep red broth swirled with shredded beef, vegetables, and glass noodles, the scent rich with spice. A plate of rice sat in the middle of the table, accompanied by a few small side dishes.

She met Taehyun’s gaze and bowed her head slightly in thanks. He responded with a small nod, his expression unreadable but not unkind. “Eat before Beomgyu devours everything,” Taehyun muttered as he sat down.

Beomgyu scoffed, already reaching for his spoon. “I have some self-control.”

Taehyun raised a brow.

“…Okay, not much. But I have some.” Beomgyu continued on his voice more quiet. 

Y/N quietly took her seat, picking up her spoon and dipping it into the broth. She blew on it gently before taking a small sip, the rich spice coating her tongue in a slow burn. The warmth spread through her chest, grounding her more than she expected. It had been a while since Y/N had enjoyed a meal like this. Lately, she'd been missing dinners at home, often spending so much time away that she only had time for snacks or whatever she could grab at the café where she worked. Cooking at home wasn’t even an option—she knew her stepmom would make a fuss if she tried to prepare even the simplest dish.

Beomgyu let out a satisfied groan, his eyes closing in contentment. “Taehyun, if you don’t open a restaurant someday, I’m reporting you to the authorities.”

Taehyun barely glanced up. “Then I guess I’m a fugitive.”

Beomgyu turned to Y/N as he dramatically scooped another spoonful. “You see how he wastes his potential? Tragic.”

Y/N only shook her head slightly, stirring her soup as the conversation continued. The nerves that had tightened in her chest all day were still there, but they were softer now—fading into the background as she listened to the back-and-forth between them. The warmth of the meal, the easy rhythm of their banter, and the simple comfort of just being there settled something inside her. As the conversation flowed between Beomgyu and Taehyun, Y/N let herself relax, just a little. The attention wasn’t on her, and that was comforting—like she could just exist in the background without pressure. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

That thought barely had time to settle before Taehyun shifted his focus.

“Beomgyu told me you’re studying to be a vet tech,” he said casually, setting his spoon down for a moment.

The words sent a jolt through Y/N, her shoulders tensing instinctively. The weight of his attention made her skin prickle, her pulse quickening.

Beomgyu, completely unaware of the storm brewing in her mind, perked up. “Oh, yeah! She loves animals.”

Y/N's fingers trembled slightly as she reached for her phone. Her thoughts felt tangled, weighed down by the lingering echoes of this morning—her stepmom’s sharp voice, the cruel amusement in her friend’s tone.

You wouldn’t want people to think you’re strange, would you? The thought ran through her head.

She inhaled deeply, pressing the tips of her fingers into her palm beneath the table. Focus. She just needed to focus.

Her phone screen glowed softly as she typed. Yeah. I like animals more than people haha.

Beomgyu let out a chuckle, light and easy. But Taehyun just gave a small nod, eyes steady. “That makes sense. I would also have to agree with that.”

The simple understanding in his tone eased something inside her. Y/N exhaled slowly, her grip loosening on her phone.

Taehyun reached for his glass of water. “Do you have pets?”

Y/N hesitated. The truth sat heavy on her tongue, bitter and familiar. Her stepmom hated animals—hated them simply because Y/N loved them. Just like everything else Y/N cared about, her stepmom dismissed it, resented it, as if her interests existed just to spite her.

Her fingers moved over the screen. No. My stepmom doesn’t like them.

Beomgyu frowned immediately. “That sucks.”

Y/N shrugged, but the lump in her throat didn’t budge.

She pressed her palms together under the table, fingers gently tracing circles on the inside of her wrist, grounding herself. It was a quiet effort to remind herself that she wasn’t at home, wasn’t under the weight of someone’s critical gaze. The sting of her stepmom’s harsh words came back—how she always belittled Y/N’s interests, and dismissed what mattered to her. But here, in this cozy apartment with the comforting scent of food in the air, Y/N tried to push those thoughts away. She wasn’t in that place anymore. She was here, in this moment, and no one was making her feel small or out of place. No one was making her feel small. She could breathe here.

Taehyun didn’t pry any further. Instead, he took another bite of his food and said, “A vet tech, huh? It’s a good career. You’ll always have work.”

The confidence in his tone caught her off guard. No skepticism, no questioning whether she was really capable of it—just an acknowledgment. Beomgyu tapped her arm lightly with his elbow, his grin unwavering. “See? You’re still here, which means Taehyun doesn’t secretly hate you.” He was attempting to make her feel relaxed, somehow. 

Y/N glanced up at Taehyun, who was calmly eating, not offering much reaction. She wasn’t sure if that meant anything, but at least he didn’t seem bothered by her presence.

Taehyun finally looked up, eyeing Beomgyu with mild exasperation. “Why would I hate her?”

Beomgyu shrugged dramatically. “I don’t know, you hate a lot of things.”

Taehyun sighed, shaking his head. “Just finish eating.”

Y/N lowered her gaze to her bowl, her grip on the spoon relaxing. The easy banter between them made the atmosphere feel lighter, even if she wasn’t sure where she fit into it yet. Before taking another spoonful of soup, Y/N glanced up at Beomgyu, only to find him already watching her, a soft smile on his lips. His eyes held a silent reassurance, a quiet praise—his way of telling her that everything was okay. As the meal continued, Y/N reached for her phone, her fingers hovering over the screen. Her anxiety still hummed beneath the surface, but she wanted to try.

Taehyun, do you cook a lot? she typed before sliding the phone toward him.

Taehyun glanced at the screen as he chewed, then swallowed before nodding. “Yeah. I like it.”

Beomgyu jumped in before she could type again. “He’s basically a housewife.”

Taehyun shot him a look. “I enjoy making real food instead of surviving on instant ramen and convenience store snacks, unlike some people.” Y/N cheeks flushed lightly, she also enjoyed those things, especially the convenience store snacks.

Beomgyu waved him off. “I’m alive, aren’t I?”

Y/N’s fingers hesitated over the keyboard before she finished typing, sliding her phone toward Taehyun again. What’s your favorite thing to make?

Taehyun’s brow lifted slightly, but he didn’t seem bothered by the question—in fact, there was something almost appreciative in the way he read it. “Probably kimchi stew. But I like trying new stuff too.”

Beomgyu leaned in with a grin. “Taehyun thinks he’s a master chef.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Y/N watched their exchange, fingers idly tapping against the side of her phone. She wasn’t used to people like this—so at ease with each other, so effortlessly comfortable.

As they finished eating, the conversation drifted into more casual topics—mostly Beomgyu’s over-the-top complaints about his classes and Taehyun’s dry, unimpressed responses. Y/N listened quietly, fingers lightly tapping against the side of her phone once more. The warmth of the meal still lingered in her stomach, grounding her.

She glanced down at her bowl, realizing she had nearly finished everything. The rich, spicy broth had been comforting, and soothing in a way she hadn’t expected. It didn’t erase the weight of the morning, but for a little while, it had helped.

Beomgyu let out a satisfied sigh, leaning back in his chair. “That hit the spot.”

Taehyun hummed, gathering his own bowl. “You say that every time.”

“Because it’s true every time.” Beomgyu turned to Y/N with a grin, nodding toward her empty bowl. “You liked it, right?”

She hesitated for a second before nodding.

Taehyun’s gaze flickered to her, his expression unreadable for a moment before he spoke. “I’m glad,” he said simply, a small, approving smile tugging at his lips. It was brief, but it softened his usual sharp demeanor.

Y/N quickly typed out a message on her phone and slid it toward him.

It was really good. Thank you for making it.

Taehyun read the text, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly before he nodded. “Anytime.”

Beomgyu pushed his bowl aside. “Alright, now that we’re all full, what’s next?”

Taehyun ran a hand through his hair, glancing around the small kitchen before shrugging. “We could just hang out for a while, see where the night takes us. No need to rush anything.”

Y/N tucked her phone into her pocket, feeling the familiar weight of silence settle around her. Her gaze flickered between the two of them, watching as Beomgyu casually leaned back and made himself comfortable, grinning in that easy-going way of his. Taehyun, on the other hand, appeared relaxed, an unspoken warmth to his presence that helped ease her discomfort just a little more.

She couldn’t help but smile faintly, her thoughts quieting for a moment as she took in the scene. It was such a contrast from the tense moments in her own home this morning, the sharpness of her stepmom’s words slowly dulling. For now, here, with Beomgyu and Taehyun, the world felt a little softer. She could breathe a little easier. The three of them eventually cleaned up their dishes placing them in the sink before making their way to the living room. Y/N and Beomgyu sat together on the couch while Taehyun sat on an accent chair across from the pair.

Beomgyu was now recounting a ridiculous story about something that had happened at school, gesturing wildly as he spoke, while Taehyun listened intently, clearly amused. Y/N’s gaze lingered on the two of them, watching as they interacted effortlessly, their conversation flowing as easily as their laughter. 

A small chuckle bubbled up in her chest, and she quickly stifled it, not wanting to interrupt their flow. But she couldn’t help it. The way Beomgyu threw his hands up in exaggerated frustration, the way Taehyun rolled his eyes, his lips quirking up in a barely-there smile. And then it happened—her laugh, soft and unexpected. It caught her off guard, but it slipped out anyway. She hadn’t meant to, but something about the way Beomgyu was speaking, the ridiculousness of his story, just made her chuckle.

Beomgyu stopped mid-sentence, his eyes turning toward her immediately. For a moment, it seemed like time had paused, the room quieting as he looked at her. His expression softened, his lips curving into a warm, genuine smile. There was no teasing, no making a big deal of it—just a simple, kind look that made her feel seen, in the most comfortable way.

She quickly averted her gaze, a blush creeping up her neck and across her cheeks, but the smile didn’t leave her face. It wasn’t that anyone had noticed her laugh—it was that Beomgyu had, and instead of calling attention to it, he simply looked at her with warmth. It made her feel a little more at ease, like she belonged, even in the small, quiet moments.

Taehyun glanced at them both, his expression faintly amused, but he said nothing. The conversation continued, light and easy, and for the first time in a while, Y/N felt like she could just exist in a space without the weight of her thoughts pressing down on her.

As they chatted, laughed, and shared stories, Y/N’s smile lingered. It wasn’t the loud, boisterous kind of laughter that filled the room, but it was real. And for the first time in a long while, she didn’t feel out of place.

It felt like she was beginning to find her place, little by little, with them. Even without saying a word.

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[emsdevs]

🎁 14 with quinn 👀

a/n: kirby my love, this one is for you 🧡 i know you love your angst

Prompt 14: "Please. Please just listen to me."

Birthday Celly 2025 Masterlist | masterlist

You never thought it would come to this. You thought you and Quinn were forever. Everything had been perfect until you had started seeing less and less of him. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been on a date, and he barely held a conversation with you now. You knew bringing it up would be difficult, but you hadn’t imagined it would blow up like this.

“Quinn, we barely talk anymore! When was the last time you kissed me? A real kiss, not some reflexive kiss on the cheek when you get home from a roadie!” you weren’t sure when it started, but the two of you have been shouting back and forth so long your throat is starting to feel scratchy.

“That’s not fair! Do you know how busy I am?”

“Oh, trust me I know! The only thing I hear about anymore is the Canucks! The team needs this! The team can’t do that! God, Quinn, even when you were hurt and had absolutely no business being on that ice, you couldn’t shut up about your team! Sometimes, it’s like you forget I even exist! Like I’m just some housemaid or someone to come to when you need relief! Except we don’t even do that anymore do we?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re so clingy! I mean, Jesus, I barely get a moment to myself! You’re so obsessed with me! This isn’t even that serious!” 

Your face goes blank the second the words leave his mouth. This isn’t even that serious? He didn’t tell you he wanted to break up, but with those five words, Quinn just ended your relationship.

“It isn’t that serious?” you’re fuming now, and he can tell by how level your voice is. “So what? You’ve been stringing me along for over two years? Let me move in? You remember me having to get permanent residency for this right? All of that and it’s not serious?”

“Babe don’t-”

“No you’re right, Quinn. I’m leaving. You can have your space back. I’d hate to take it anymore since you so obviously don’t want me here,” you head to what was a shared bedroom not even two hours ago. You pack all your bags, at least what you would need for a couple of days, and Quinn does nothing but stand there and watch. He doesn’t speak up again until you’re leaving the bedroom and heading for the front door with your suitcase in tow.

“Baby, c’mon. You’re being dramatic. Where are you even gonna stay?”

“Oh, no! Clingy and dramatic! Guess I really need to get out of your hair then. And where I’m staying is not of your concern anymore,” you roll your eyes, attempting to continue on your path to the door when he blocks it.

“Please. Please just listen to me. It doesn’t have to end like this. We don’t have to end like this,” he’s begging now, and as pitiful as he looks, you can’t find it in yourself to care anymore. You’re tired of sitting around, waiting for him to give you attention like some dog sitting at the door waiting for its owner to return. You have to get out.

“Just stop, Quinn. It’s done. We’re done. No second chances. I’ve given you too many to begin with. If you didn’t want this to end, you should’ve tried harder to keep me before it was too late. Hopefully, you can find someone a little less clingy and obsessive.”

You walk away, not looking back once the door is shut. You just closed a huge chapter in your life. Anyone else would probably be rejoicing right now, basking in the feeling of being free from a situation that wasn’t good. Somehow, though, you can’t help but feel like this might have been a mistake.

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[phoenixblaze1412]

Hellooo! How are you? I hope you are okay. So I have a request and I hope it's not much. I saw the post with a crush on pantalone, and I really loved it! (I like all your posts tbh) so can I ask you about father dottore and segments and the reader is in a relationship with pantalone, how would they act I wanna know, and thank you so muchh

The air in the Fatui headquarters buzzed with its usual energy: sharp footsteps against marble, hushed conversations about classified missions, and the occasional crash coming from one of Dottore's experiments gone awry.

But today, something unusual loomed over the corridors—a sense of impending chaos that only the Doctor and his devoted (and sometimes meddlesome) segments could conjure.

And it all started with a rumor.

You and Pantalone had been trying to keep your relationship under wraps. The Ninth Harbinger, ever poised and composed, found a certain thrill in sneaking moments with you between meetings and diplomatic missions. You, meanwhile, were content just to bask in his company despite the complications it might bring.

Unfortunately, secrecy wasn’t exactly feasible when your father is Dottore.

It was Theta who stumbled upon you two first.

He had wandered into the garden section of the headquarters during his 'break,' only to freeze when he saw you leaning against a tree with Pantalone beside you, his gloved hand resting lightly on your waist as he spoke softly into your ear.

"Are you kidding me?" Theta blurted, eyes wide with disbelief. "You’re dating the literal Regrator?"

You winced. "Theta, keep your voice down!"

But it was too late. The damage had been done.

Dottore slammed a gloved hand down on his desk, the room vibrating with his barely contained fury. "Pantalone?" he spat, pacing back and forth as Alpha, Zeta, and Theta stood nearby like a dysfunctional peanut gallery. "Of all people, my child chooses that manipulative snake?"

Theta, ever the instigator, grinned. "I mean, at least it’s not Tartaglia. That guy would probably teach them how to duel on their first date."

Alpha crossed his arms. "This is unacceptable. Regrator is dangerous."

Zeta, the voice of reason, cleared his throat. "Technically, sir, they’re both consenting adults."

Dottore glared at him. "Not helping."

You and Pantalone were having a rare moment of peace in his luxurious office. He had just poured you a glass of finely aged wine, his smile soft as he leaned toward you.

"To us," he murmured, clinking his glass gently against yours.

"To us," you echoed, heart fluttering.

Just as your faces drew closer, the door burst open.

"There will be no 'us' here," Dottore declared, flanked by Alpha and Iota.

You groaned. "Dad!"

Pantalone, ever composed, merely raised an eyebrow. "Ah, Doctor. To what do I owe this.. intrusive visit?"

"I’m here to protect my child’s innocence," Dottore said with deadly seriousness. "Something you clearly intend to corrupt."

Pantalone's lips quirked into a faint smirk. "I assure you, my intentions are honorable."

"Honorable, my—" Theta cut in from behind, grinning like a madman. "Pantalone’s about as trustworthy as a loaded crossbow."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "Can I have one moment of peace?"

"No," Dottore and Theta said in unison.

It wasn’t just one incident. Dottore and his segments made it their mission to sabotage any private time you had with Pantalone.

Romantic dinners? Interrupted by sudden “urgent lab assignments.”

Walks through the garden? Constantly monitored by Alpha, who insisted he was "on patrol."

Even simple hand-holding was met with disapproving glares from Iota, who somehow always materialized at the worst moments.

One evening, after another failed attempt at a quiet evening together, you stormed into the lab where Dottore was working.

"Enough!" you snapped, slamming your hands on the table. "I’m not a child, Dad. I love Pantalone, and you can’t control my life forever."

Dottore didn’t look up from his work. "Love is a chemical imbalance," he said flatly. "It clouds judgment."

"Yeah, well, so does obsession with experiments," you shot back.

Theta snickered from across the room. "Ooh, burn."

Desperate for some alone time, you and Pantalone devised a plan: a secret weekend getaway to one of his private estates outside Snezhnaya.

It was perfect—or so you thought.

You were halfway through a candlelit dinner when the sound of something crashing through the window made you jump.

Standing in the shattered frame was none other than Theta, grinning like he’d just won the lottery.

"Found you!"

Behind him, Alpha and Iota descended from a rope tied to the balcony.

Pantalone sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "This is getting ridiculous."

"You think?" you deadpanned.

Dottore strode in through the front door, completely unbothered by the chaos. "This ends now," he declared. "You are coming back with me."

"No, I’m not," you said firmly. "I love Pantalone, and you need to accept that, Dad. I'm old enough to make some choices of my own and you have to acknowledge that."

The room fell silent.

Dottore’s expression was unreadable, but finally, he let out a long sigh. "... fine," he said before glancing over at the Regrator and narrowed his eyes at him. "But if he breaks your heart, I will be the one to personally dissect him, put all of his organs in different jars and throw them into the sea."

Pantalone chuckled, raising his glass. "Noted, Doctor."

Over time, Dottore and the segments eased up—slightly.

Theta still teased you relentlessly, and Alpha continued to glare at Pantalone during meetings. But there was a sense of reluctant acceptance in the air.

One evening, as you sat with Dottore in the lab, he spoke without looking up from his work. "Does he make you happy?"

"Yeah," you said softly. "He really does."

Dottore huffed. "Fine. But if he so much as looks at you the wrong way—"

"I know, I know. Dissection."

"Good."

[baekhyunsbestie]

⟢ angsty breakup w baekhyun req by @mayamore 🥹 u will b paying for the heartache i am experiencing, sweetheart 💘💓💖💗💞

the rain pours in relentless sheets, drenching you to the bone, turning your clothes into a second skin, heavy and clinging. but the chill doesn’t touch you—not when baekhyun is kneeling before you, fingers curled into the fabric of your coat like a drowning man grasping for solid ground. his grip is desperate, white-knuckled, as if sheer force alone could keep you tethered to him. as if holding on tight enough might rewrite the inevitable.

“please, sweetheart,” his voice is a ruin, frayed at the edges, trembling under the weight of something far greater than desperation. “please don’t do this. we can fix this. i can fix this. just… don’t go.”

his words crack, raw and uneven, splintering under the weight of the storm. the rain drowns them, but you still feel each one, sharp and jagged, embedding itself deep in your chest like shrapnel. you can’t look at him—god, you can’t, not when every broken syllable is tearing through you, unraveling you from the inside out.

your breath shudders, and you squeeze your eyes shut, as if that could somehow hold back the ache clawing up your throat, the grief pressing down on your ribs like a vice.

it’s always like this. baekhyun reaching for you when it’s already too late, his love crashing over you in waves—overwhelming, all-consuming—but never in time. and you, forever stranded on the other side of the glass, fingertips pressed against something you can never quite touch. always waiting for him to catch up. always waiting for something that never fully arrives.

every fight, every misstep, every unspoken word. every night spent inches apart in the same bed, close enough to feel his warmth but too far to bridge the distance between you.

it all leads here.

you love him. god, you love him with everything in you, so much it threatens to hollow you out completely.

but love has never been the problem.

it’s everything else.

“baekhyun…” his name slips from your lips, barely more than a whisper, fragile and splintered, like glass on the verge of shattering. you force yourself to look at him and the sight nearly guts you.

his eyes, rimmed red, swim with unshed tears, rain tracing sorrowful paths down his cheeks. he shakes his head, disbelief bleeding into devastation, fingers tightening around your wrists like he can tether you to him, like he can stop you from slipping through his grasp if he just holds on a little harder.

“you always run,” his voice cracks, unraveling mid-sentence. “you always run before we can figure it out. why won’t you just let me fight for us?”

his words hit like a fist to your ribs, knocking the breath from your lungs.

“because i’m tired,” you whisper, the confession heavier than the storm pressing down on you. “i’m so tired of fighting to be understood.”

his breath hitches, but you push forward, the truth clawing its way free. “we always miss each other, baekhyun. you never say what you mean until it’s too late, and i don’t know how to keep waiting for you to catch up to me.”

something in his expression crumbles, a fissure splitting through his hope, but you can’t take it back now. not when your heart's already breaking.

“don’t do this,” he pleads between kisses, his voice a raw, desperate thing, muffled against the damp fabric of your clothes. “don’t walk away from us. from me. i can be better. please—just let me try to be better.”

his tears seep into your clothing, warm against your rain-chilled skin, each drop a quiet devastation. his fingers dig into your hips, gripping like a man clutching at the edges of a dream, terrified of waking up to find you gone.

then his lips drift lower, tracing ghost-like over your knuckles before he takes your hands in his, pressing trembling kisses to each finger, like he’s memorizing the shape of them, the taste of you—like if he can just hold on long enough, you won’t slip through his grasp.

“i love you,” he murmurs between each press of his lips, the words falling from him in quiet, fervent prayers. over and over, like a mantra, like a promise he wishes he could keep.

his hands cup yours, shaking, pressing your palms against his rain-slicked cheeks as he breathes you in. and when you don’t pull away, a broken sob escapes him, raw and wrecked.

his forehead falls to the backs of your hands, his breath hitching as he confesses, “i don’t know how to do this without you.”

then, softer, more shattered than before—“i love you.”

and that’s the cruelest part—because you love him too. love him so much it feels like your ribs are collapsing under the weight of it, like your heart is caving in on itself, crushing you from the inside out. love him so much that walking away is the hardest thing you’ll ever do.

before your resolve can slip through your fingers, you kneel, hands trembling as they find his rain-slicked face, cupping his cheeks with a gentleness that contradicts the devastation between you. your thumbs brush over tear-streaked skin, tracing the remnants of sorrow that have carved their way down his face.

and when you look at him—really look at him—you see everything. every memory, every piece of your history together flickering across his expression like a reel of film unraveling in real time. the good, the bad, the beautifully unbearable. midnight drives with the windows down, laughter tangled in the wind. soft-spoken “i love you’s” against the curve of his neck, whispered like secrets meant only for the dark. the fights that shook the walls, the slammed doors, the apologies that never quite healed the wounds. the way he held you like you were something sacred, the way he’s holding you now—like he doesn’t know how to let go.

his lashes cling together, dark and heavy with rain, his eyes searching yours like they might still find salvation there. and for a moment, you let yourself memorize him—every warmth, every tremor, the way he leans into your touch like it’s the only thing keeping him upright.

like if he can just stay in this moment a little longer, he won’t have to face the next one.

“i love you too, baek,” you whisper, and his breath catches, his eyes flickering with something fragile—hope. desperate, pleading, aching hope.

but then you press a kiss to his forehead, lingering just long enough for him to understand.

“always,” you murmur, a final vow, a quiet farewell.

and just like that, the hope in his gaze fractures. crumbles.

because he knows.

this isn’t a pause. this isn’t a fight you’ll resolve tomorrow or next week.

this is the end.

you pull away, and this time, he doesn’t stop you. doesn’t beg, doesn’t reach for you. his hands fall away, limp in his lap, his head bowing forward as a sob tears from his throat.

you turn before you can second guess yourself, before you can fall apart completely.

and as you walk away, as the rain drowns out the sound of his grief, you wonder if you’ll ever stop loving him.

but you already know the answer.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ a/n ꒱ ˎˊ˗ more baekhyun angst plssssss

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* masterlist ° ᡣ𐭩 . 

[dracoroma]

Now that the campaign is over, I think I should drop my full thoughts.

As a start: I intitally liked the finale for the most part. We'll get back to why I said initially. However, I have one major gripe.

The first is that reviving Ashton really fealt like it cheapened their sacrifice. It was such an interesting choice that they gave up their life purely out of spite. In Ashton's eyes, it wasn't about saving the gods, it was about humbling them. That's fun, and interesting, and as much as I have feelings about Aston that we'll get back to later, it was cool. And I also think it left their budding relationship with Fearne off on an interesting note. All of that is completely undone by reviving them.

Anyway, onto the campaign.

I was really into the game in its initial sandboxy arc. The cast was fun and their interactions were all neat, and Inwas interested where the plot was going.

And then the god plot came in. And I have so many feelings.

As a religious person (hellenist and heathen), I felt constantly letdown this entire story. At the end of the day, there was no real evidence given in a pro or anti god direction. We're told they're tyrants who have too much control over mortals, but most people have problems because of a lack of intervention. The divine gate keeps demons and devils at bay, but there's other sources for that. There's no consequences to any option. And because of that, we're left with endless debate because we have no solid evidence.

All of this leads to the debate just turning into teal world reddit aetheist plot points because there's nothing in world to debate. This also felt incredibly dismissive of actual faith. Do I need to remind everyone how Ashton would not let FCG just be at peace with worshipping Avandra? That was incredibly frustrating. They also don't address at all how getting rid of the gods affects those who gind meaning in religion. The Hells and Keyleth were just like, "eh. Get over it. World's still spinning. " Excuse me, did we forget how much meaning Fjord told the hells he got out of his relationship with Melora!?

From a writer's perspective: well, all of this. But it was also incredibly boring because it means nothing is happening. This wasn't a complex, morally grey debate because there was absolutely no nuance. We don't see how the gods (or, in particular, the primes, because we know the betrayers all suck) are bad, and how things will be fine forever without them. So it's an endless de ate with no point that follows the same formula every time: same 3 points why gods are bad. Someone says "hmmm, i don't know". We end by saying "let's kill Ludanis because he sucks".

And frankly, nothing was happening for so long. So much of the campaign is an indistinguishable blob of time in my memory, with the standout moment being Aeor. And I think Ahton is the perfect case study. Talesin is on record saying Ashton was a critique of the obnoxious parts of the punk mindset, and they had no character growth. Their character development after shardgate reverted soon after, and their position was always completely dismissive of any other perspective.

All that being said, the most fun I had in the campaign was actually the live show. In part because I caught it live. I was on a family trip in the area already, and so my girlfriend and I made it to the show. And frankly, it was a really good session. It was mostly self-contained, which was good for her, who had not seen a single session of C3. It didn't involve the god debate, which was good for me. And it introduced Breius, who I genuinely think is one of the best PCs of the campaign despite coming in late.

Because Breius is sich a good deconstruction of cults and toxic relationships and why they're appealing, why you come back, and he ended up breaking free at the end!

But, now I think about the finale again. And I'm less positive about it than I was. Because I realize that most of why Infelt good was because this mess of a campaign is finally over. I overlooked how Orym and Opal and Imogen did not face lasting effects from their actions because I was so ready to be done with the god debate that goes nowhere.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

okay hi waves im making a vers on here so the chat can read it (theres mentions of being sick ofc, animal death [its quick and about rats], and brief descriptions of kissing) I FINISHED IT LATE LAST NIGHT SO IF ITS WEIRD MAYBE THATS WHY ANYWAYS TAKE IT

Vyncent, or Virion, whatever name you’d like, he had no room to care right now, had lived on Prime for months. He might have even been here a year, hard to tell. Things get busy as an elf-boy superhero with your home world’s great heroes in your brain that give you use, who happens to have befriended a red head with so much energy and the power to kill the sun in a kick if he wanted, a white haired guy who had a book that could just make your worst of nightmares look tame and also sometimes a fairy, and a dead black-haired boy who couldn’t stop meeting the dead for some reason. Lots of stuff in Vyncent’s life.

So could someone explain to him that what was a common cold for anybody else here put Virion out of commission? Sure, he was more prone to getting sick, he’d face it like every other week, but at least then he could hide it! Sick wasn’t good back home. Sick was a death sentence, and this was why. When you can’t get up, you can’t run, you can’t fight. If healing magic didn’t fix you, it may work best to cut that loss yourself.

Unfortunately, Vyncent didn’t have healing magic, and trying to reach the Greats while you feel so uncomfortable and gross and, well, sick, you might rather eat rat poison. As such, he had to bug Will about it. He hasn’t even seen Will get a cough now that he’s thinking about it. Granted, he was dead and awesome, so maybe that had something to do with it.

“You’re not normally this hot, right? I have to make sure, again.” Will’s fingertips were slightly blackened, and the cold feeling on his forehead while nice almost made him jump. Right, dead boy cold. Cold dead boy. Cold hot dead boy- no, elf boy hot, dead boy cold. Yes, this made sense and was logical. Don’t question Vyncent, he’s normal and fine minus everything wrong with him.

“Mmm mmgh,” an excellent denial from Vyncent. He’s so good at this.

“Right, just…how long are you normally sick? Like, back home, does it get this bad? Do you guys even get sick there, or do you just, I dunno, shoot it better?”

He better not be mockin’ me.

He’s Will. He likes living, or whatever he is right now.

Right, the Greats. Not always Will’s biggest fans, but they weren’t going to come out while sick so rather than hear his voice insult his friend, he heard all their comments and thoughts insulting his friend. Bothering him, that’s what they’re “Great” at (he should leave the puns to the other guys).

“Mgh…” Great stuff Virion. Let’s see how William responds.

“Great stuff Vynce.” He puts a bowl on the table which seems to have a collection of ingredients that regular soup didn’t have.

“What’s-” He coughed a bit, cursed lungs. “What in that?”

“It’s a soup, just with stuff that you can actually eat. Like rats and stuff. I tried to put some medicine in it, just to see.”

“Where’d-” More coughs. “Where’d the rats come from?”

Will shudders. “I don’t think you want to know.”

Vyncent laughed a bit. He let his brain indulge itself, imagining what may have happened to get them. The image of him hunting the rats kept appearing in there. If his ears were a little more red, he’d blame being sick.

He just brought you soup, calm down lover boy.

Shut up, shut up shut up shut up.

[I think the kid’s embarrassed.]

Come on Stryder, pleaseeeeee.

Your pining is not hard to spot.

NOT YOU TOO ALPHONZ.

Vyncent turned over to his side, using the pillow to cover his ears as if that’ll work, groaning the whole time.

“You good man?”

“Yeah…’m jus’ feeling stupid…”

“Nobody feels too great when sick.”

“Mghh…”

“Can we try some soup? It should help, and you do have to eat.”

Vyncent had been so out of it, he forgot how long it had been since he ate. Maybe that’s why he felt so shit. Memory is dumb and should die forever. This is a logical conclusion. Vyncent was always a man of logic. You had to trust him.

He turned back over to Will, who happened to pull off the sickly look very well, attempting to push himself up so he could eat something. He could do things for himself, surely. Don’t ask him how well he’d do at them, because he wouldn’t lie and say he’d be great, cause that’s totally not lying. Totally.

I hope you can hear the sarcasm.

“No man, don’t- just sit back, it- it’s fine. You look deathly man, that’s coming from me.”

The emphasis was joking, making Vyncent giggle.

“Fine…”

“Save the energy.”

Like a baby, Vyncent was spoon fed soup, which the comparison he’d make would hurt more if he wasn’t just stuck on Will. His face was heating up, sure, but maybe it was less than the illness. Maybe it was more Will.

[He’s finally admitting it, good gods, took you long enough.]

Shhhhhhhhut it.

You’d think he’d have picked up on it by now, how bad you are.

Be ‘iet….

“Hm?”

“They're being loud…”

“Greats?”

“Mhm…they’re judging me.”

“About what? If they’re being dicks, uh- well, I couldn’t really fight Alphonz. Or Min. Or Ram. Or any of them- I’ll pretend like I can fight them!”

Vyncent laughs at this guy, this idiot he adores with all his heart, no matter how much of it will admit that. “Bout how pretty you are.”

Vyncent didn’t recall ever seeing Will blush, but this seemed, like, close to it. He starts nervously chuckling. “You really think that?”

“Mhm, ‘art of why I like you.”

He saw the cogs in Will’s brain malfunction and sputter. Did it make him lose it inside to have said that? Sure, but in the end, it’s Will. He’d hate to lose a friend right now, but he’s done worse and stuck around, and maybe in the end, Will could find someone who doesn’t get sick every other week.

“I- Uh- Vynce you feeling alright? Your forehead is really hot.” He starts nervously chuckling again. He did that a lot.

“Mhm, dead boy hot.”

Someone’s gained guts! Finally!

I actually have 0 idea what I’m doing and I don’t think I can back down now, so uh, thanks.

[Oh, yeah, no. You actually suck ass at this.]

Thanks asshole.

It is not a failure on your end. Your courting attempts seem to be affecting him well.

There was a detail in Will’s eyes. Just a glint of something. Was it hope, denial, something that was any more terrifying? Vyncent has little idea what’s happening at this point until they do. He’s going to hold onto that look though. He hopes it's something better than he could be. Just maybe something that gives him a sign.

“You- uh, you’re a hot elf boy, man, yeah.” He stumbled around his words, trying to not make eye contact. He sat on the sofa a bit awkwardly.

This is so stupid. I’m so stupid for this- the last sane thoughts of Vyncent as he moves- I’m so so terribly dumb for this. With a loss of any sanity and dignity he gets up and somewhat crawls over to William. He’s locked onto William’s eyes, and maybe his lips. Maybe this rotten dead man can be the medicine to cure him. His sickness feels a bit deeper than medical anyways.

“V-Vynce? W-Something up man?”

He cups Will’s face with a hand and rubs his thumb against his cheek. This is wrong, this is so so stupid and wrong and maybe Vyncent knows but also he has never felt this confidence and honestly? May as well use it to his advantage, the Fallen Ones know he would never get to do this again, not being this confident.

Vyncent had never kissed anybody. Kissing wasn’t exactly a Fauna thing, at least not what Vyncent learned, so this was new. It was a new sensation. On a regular level, this was just pushing his lips against another pair of lips. Emotionally, he was in a dream land. Things felt great. Will’s cold lips were a nice startlement, a shock turned to a calming cool throughout his body. They basically melted from the initial surprise into the kiss, Vyncent laying on top of Will as he light-headedly pulled back.

“...Woah.”

“‘Retty nice. You…your lips ‘aste ‘ice.” Vyncent had a love-strivenly stupid smile, and at this point, hiding from himself or Will was futile. It felt soft and comfortable in this moment, and knowing that even if he was weird inside, Will wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t have to either, Virion could lay on this couch and he didn’t have to run. He didn’t have to hide. That was something to like. He snuggled into Will.

“Movie ‘ight?”

“I- sure man. Not the weirdest it could be.”

“I like this.”

“Love you too, Vynce.”

Love you too.

who up ghosting their sick knife

[bellamysgriffin]

ULTIMATE SHIPS CHALLENGE - First Kisses [4/7]

[coddda]

Hiiiiiii. Episode 25/26 lawlight analysis rant thingy here. I don't know how to write an intro for this so let's just get to it LOL

I think one of the reasons that the rain/foot scenes stick out so much (the. Sheer insanity of a Foot Massage Scene in an anime revolving around two guys trying to kill each other aside 💀) is the fact that the anime specifically suffers a bit in terms of adapting a few of the "emotional" moments in death note.

And I don't mean "emotionally impactful" exactly. For example I think the adaptations of scenes like Raye and Naomi's deaths were very impactful and the atmospheres of their final scenes were great, but I mean more from a characterization standpoint (if that makes sense). Being more focused on mind and logic games, Death Note as a whole isn't as invested in individual characters' deeper feelings as it is in its action (which isn't necessarily a criticism per say, it's simply part of the nature of a mystery thriller series). But just because they're fewer and farther between doesn't mean there are none at all. In the manga we do get to see, for example, how much Light actually cared for his family and especially Sayu, and how he actually felt more conflicted and suffered lack of sleep/appetite when he first used the Death Note.

The anime specifically as an adaptation is pretty good at adapting the main mind fuckery and action of Death Note, but its lacking in properly adapting scenes like the ones I mentioned above is a criticism I see somewhat often, and it's pretty fair imo. Compared to all the other adaptations, it certainly seems to fall short on an emotional level: the musical has entire songs going in depth about the characters feelings and relationships, the 2015 jdrama is. Insane and has its emotional moments in spades (because it's a TV drama, which are more focused on portraying emotional conflict and the like), even the 2006 movies has its emotional beats and L Change the WorLd is. Well. Oh Man.

Anime Light to a lot of people is like. Light but he's "already evil" (which I have my own thoughts on but I digress). Light but after using the Death Note for like 2 minutes he's already like "fuck yeah time to kill criminals". Basically the anime doesn't take as much time to delve into his less cynical sides or really delve into his already vague and harder to decipher feelings in general, he is noticeably colder from the get-go here, etc.

But that's part of why I think episode 25 manages to stand out so much tonally (apart from it being, y'know, the episode L literally Dies). I love the episode so much and could probably rant for hours about how much I love the artistic choices made in it but what I'm trying to get at here is that it's one of the very few moments where the show tries to go deeper into specific character's emotions, and one of the very few moments where the show Attempts (emphasis on "attempts" because, well, you'll see in a bit) to get more in-depth into Light's feelings apart from his cynicism/apathy/justice. ness.

L in these two scenes in episode 25 is, well, pretty damn open about how he feels. It's usually interpreted as him knowing that he's going to die, and you can see it. He visibly looks/sounds lost, somber, etc. He never really had much to hide around Light to begin with (since he doesn't really care about hiding himself the same way Light does) but especially not now and it Shows, and I personally thought it was pretty cool to delve into his thoughts/show how he feels this way. The somberness can be felt throughout the entire scene, even people who don't already know the plot of Death Note from the manga could probably tell that he's about to die.

In the manga, once L starts suspecting Misa again and Rem realizes what Light is trying to do, it goes straight to Watari and L's deaths, but the anime instead gives a distinct and unexpected pause in the middle of this where L contemplates his own death. It's fucking great, and the shift from straight action to slower emotional weight makes these scenes stand out a lot, since, like I said, the show usually focuses more on the former. But it's kind of ironic, too.

Not only does the anime open up L's feelings more in these scenes, but it also tries to dig deeper into Light's feelings as well through L. And it's really funny honestly because while, yes, these are the more "emotionally open" scenes of the anime Light still manages to be Incredibly avoidant and contribute almost nothing to the entire ordeal.

L is visibly upset -> "Yeah Ryuzaki, you're not making any sense at all" (Not addressing the obvious conflict from L)

"Tell me, Light. From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" -> "[The most stale, over-explained, avoidant answer to a "yes/no" question that you could ever hear + blatant attempts to reframe the question]"

(L's half-smile here kills me) "I had a feeling you'd say something like that" -> [Nothing]

"I'm sorry" -> [Nothing]

"It'll be lonely won't it? You and I will be parting ways soon" -> [Nothing]

^ From this point Light continues to say literally Nothing for the rest of the scene. I'm not even joking, from then on the rest of Light's voicelines are reduced to nothing but vague noises of confusion.

Everytime L calls Light out as a person ("Has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" / "I had a feeling you'd say something like that." / "Won't it be lonely?") he doesn't actually acknowledge anything. Out of those three lines, he only answers verbally to if he's ever told the truth, and even then it's the most blatantly people-pleasing answer ever, as it usually is with Light. And I don't think it's because Light just. Doesn't care about any of what L's saying at all, or that he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about (questioning Light's authenticity as a person, saying it would be lonely when they part), instead he's choosing not to acknowledge any of what this means about himself or him and L at all. He's like a fucking wall.

And like, for the truth question in particular, the show makes sure that you know it's not something that Light just. Doesn't care enough about to answer. The hard cuts to silence are a very rare but extremely effective way that the show conveys an extremely important moment (see: Light regaining his memories, Matsuda noticing Light opening the warehouse door before he escapes (not as much of a "direct" cut to silence but still)), and cuts to multiple angles/framings/zooms of the exact same shot are also used for the same purpose (see: Light hugging Misa when she was crying, Matsuda aiming his gun to shoot Light, Light regaining his memories Again). Just like the scene where Light gets his memories back, the moment L's question finishes the show utilizes both. That question cut Deep. There's is a solid Almost 5 seconds of silence before the sound of the rain gradually starts fading back in, and honestly that should be telling enough as is (but of course Light doesn't actually admit that. Or anything at all really, so). Oh also another fun detail! We do not see Light's face At All (except for the shot where you can see his mouth moving but not his eyes), for the Entire time that he's going on his spiel to L. We Will Be Revisiting This Later, by the way. This is not, in fact, the first time you're going to see this detail from Light.

The only sort of reciprocation that we see from Light during Any of these two scenes is when Light dries L's hair while L dries his feet. Biblical meanings/references aside it's interesting because it's the only time he directly does anything "for" L in these scenes, but even then he doesn't try to pass it off as anything meaningful really the same way L does ("You're still soaked", a purely neutral and factual statement. It doesn't Add Anything compared to L's. Sin atonement loneliness grieving stuff. While Light is showing his own reciprocation to this more personal moment he also tries to keep it impersonal enough that it doesn't actually have to mean anything deep). And when L says "I'm sorry" after he once again gets no response from Light. It's also after this that L gets that pained look on his face, like he knows that at this point he's not actually going to get anything meaningful from Light (again, very significant and rare from L in the show. We've seen him in distress (see: when Ukita died, hell, when Watari dies), but even then he mostly manages to keep his usually neutral expression), we never see him "look sad" like he does here):

I just think it's interesting that this is one of the few scenes in this particular adaptation of Death Note where they try to open up the character's thoughts/feeling (especially considering the fact that they. lowkey blunder in adaptations of original scenes from the manga), and L himself is being rather open (not that he ever really tries to hide what he thinks nearly as much as Light), and yet all Light contributes to it in return is like. Actually nothing. Bro fumbled it. There is no resolution to any of this, to any of what L asks at all, to any of the many opportunities for a meaningful conversation, and the only thing even relatively close to an answer that you can get from Light is what you can infer from how he acts in the episode after L dies, where he's just going through the motions, but hardly acting as if he's actually living at all.

(Honestly I think the transition from this scene with the taskforce to the subsequent scene with Misa says enough on its own. Light's expressions and tone says everything:)

(Oh sidenote but. This shit again:

"Light, this is our first date in forever. can't you enjoy yourself a little more?" ('Why don't you seem happy? We can finally be together since L is dead') -> No response, Light instead changing the topic to him wanting to move in with Misa without changing his mannerisms at all

Also there's that one detail again. You pretty much don't see Light's expression when he speaks here at all, except for one shot of his eyes, which is quite literally the exact same shot they used when he "saw" L, just altered for the new setting. You have No idea what he looks like when he's responding to Misa, although it's probably fair to assume that it's the same empty stare he has for the whole Two Shots where you can clearly see his whole expression in the entire scene.

Something something Light Yagami bad at feelings I think you get the point though)

I guess Light's Kind of showing what he's feeling now? He'll admit to himself that it's boring without L, but no more than that. Light never actually admits to anything "significant", and L's dead already anyway, so what would that even do?

And then we get, uh. Basically nothing from Light. For the next 5 Years. Except that he joined the NPA, so, uh, yay? Good job, Light you totally nailed it! Thank you for allowing us as an audience to delve deeper into your inner thoughts and feelings as a character so we can find out more about you as a person! Very helpful! Thank you for not sabotaging one of your few dedicated opportunities to look into yourself as a person and reflect on your relationships with others and being 100% honest with yourself! We stay winning guys.

Anyway, this got way too long for a scene that's over a decade old, and I've probably just said everything that everyone else has already said in this fandom before. But unfortunately this has been living in my head for way too long and I must scream. I just think this episode's neat is all :)

tl;dr Part of the reason why the rain/foot scene (tbh episode 25 in General) stands out so much is because the Death Note anime specifically was a bit robbed in terms of its more emotional character moments compared to the other medias, which makes more somber/introspective scenes like the ones in episode 25 stand out a Lot in comparison. But it's also incredibly ironic because it's one of the few moments where the show (or specifically L) tries to look deeper into Light's character, but because he is so avoidant for the entire duration of these two scenes he adds basically nothing at all. It's almost funny. Mostly sad. It's also very gay. Aand post

Okay actually nevermind one more thing I talked about how the jdrama is supposed to be more emotionally in-depth because it is a TV Drama and just for the record, same thing happens there! I could probably do an entire analysis of the Blue Scene in this context like I did with episode 25 but I'd literally be here forever, so uh, just take this iconic line as my main example:

Same Thing. L's statement "I wish we could have met some other way" is personal. It's his own wish, his own regret that he is expressing to Light. While Light's reply obviously has that same regret implied it's also phrased in a specifically impersonal way. It's closed off. "This is the only way we could have met" it closes off the topic and simply renders L's wish as ultimately futile. Light does not say that he Also wishes he could have met L a different way even if it was likely impossible, instead it's a cold statement of cynical fact.

Idk just. Something something L being able and Willing to be more openly sentimental/emotionally open towards Light/about Light vs. Light's inability to be honest with anyone including himself and his own nature preventing any form of meaningful reciprocation. Something something self-sabotage, y'know the drill. God don't even get me Started on how sincere L's tone is when he says "It'll be lonely won't it?"(at least in the eng dub) in the anime I could talk about his tone in that scene for ages. Also yes all of this relates to L Change the WorLd too by the way. Don't ask how it just does okay.

I do think that scenes like these (rain/foot scene, The Blue Scene. Uh. L Change the WorLd The Novel Adaptation) show, at least in those adaptations, that L does genuinely care for Light, and show that he values him as a friend not just in the mindgame-equal sense but also just like, a more sincere sense you know. Idk if that made any sense and that's a whole other topic for another day but you guys just have to believe me on this one alright please please believe me buries head in hands. Okay post over finally thanks for coming to my tedtalk hope you enjoyed my very-unnecessarily long analysis of the week

[dykedvonte]

Jimmy killing himself because he knows he is incapable of living an life without Curly and knows that in the miracle chance they were found and saved they would not let him have contact with Curly and he hates the idea he'd actually have to take responsibility.

Even if he lied, its only a matter of time before Curly is capable of showing or telling what a monster he really is, no matter what delusions tell Jimmy Curly would never do that to him.

He understands that he was the monster in everyone's worse moments but refused to accept that at the end. So he made sure that he died without the possibility of it being actualized as he's the only one that saw death as an escape rather than a release. Jimmy truly didn't believe Curly had anything to escape from even after everything and let him have what he perceived as glory as the sole survivor and thus Captain of the Tulpar.

[varilien]

given that i've ran this blog for as many years now i think i should get much credit for this being what, only the third dick joke i've ever made here hdfkhkj

anyways. there's this point in the story where vash and wolfwood have to go their separate ways for a while, but neither of them are dealing with it particularly well

(image id below the cut since it's a longer one)

[image ID: a rough, doodley 5 panel digital comic of vash and meryl from trigun, but from my leaden skies au where they've both been lightly redesigned to fit into the setting of monster hunter. vash is a wyverian with long pointed ears, wearing a red coat with gold trim and buttons. meryl is a human wearing a beret as seen on other guild girls, but her all-white outfit is a practical two-piece blouse and shorts set. the whole comic is comprised of warm colors, orange and yellow and dark purple

panel 1: vash sitting in the foreground at a brown desk covered in candles and books, with a book opened in front of him that he flips through with a bored expression and his cheek resting against his hand. he appears to be in a library, lit by candles on dark grey chandeliers hung from the ceiling. meryl is in the background stretching up to reach a book high on a shelf, and beside her is a table which is also covered in candles and several tall stacks of books

panel 2: a closeup of vash's face as his eyes widen and his ears prick up. something in the book has apparently caught his attention

panel 3: a closeup of the page vash was looking at, an illustrated info sheet about the flying wyvern, khezu. a candle in the table brightly illuminates the colored page

panel 4: meryl has come around by vash's shoulders with a stack of books held in her arms. she quirks a brow as she looks over vash's shoulder at the book. vash has a neutral, hard to read look on his face, but his ears are still up and his eyes are still shiny and wide as he seems to consider the page for a while

panel 5: a yellow word bubble comes from vash, who huffs a long sigh and says, "maybe i should call him...". his head has tipped to the side as he rubs his neck and frowns, blushing a little with his ears drooping. meryl physically recoils from him and her face scrunches up in disgust, saying, "eww" and, "there's something wrong with you"

end ID.]

[icezeebee]

This all comes from @dilatorywriting ‘s work please go check them out they’re awesome! I wanted to make something for their 4k special so I made a request and made up my mind to draw most of it.

[asthedeathoflight]

My favorite accepted fanon in the locked tomb fandom is that Gideon's sunglasses were originally Pyrrha's. I don't think we actually have any proof of this - Pyrrha only steals them so she can pretend to be Gideon Prime and I'm not sure how we think they ended up on the Ninth? But I do so love the idea because it builds on a post that I can't make bc it makes me too insane which is that Pyrrha Dve is actually way more Gideon-Nav's-Parent-coded than either Wake or John. Everywhere that you look in the narrative that Gideon's parents should be hiding it's Pyrrha, over and over. Everywhere that the shadow of motherhood crosses Gideon's story it's Pyrrha, over and over. And through it all, Gideon, in Pyrrha's sunglasses. If we don't get Pyrrha trying to return the sunglasses in Alecto as some kind of attempt at. Something. Im gonna eat my hat.

[motoriks]

robin is magic or something

[duahauuoplanh]

Tottenham have extended Son Heung-min's contract by a further year, keeping Heungmin Son at the club until summer, 2026.  - It would’ve been a shock, had they not done that, Tottenham. - Absolutely, I mean it’s hard to think of Tottenham without Harry Kane but I think it’s even harder to think of them without Sonny. - They can’t afford to lose him. @SkySportsPL