#but kinda more emotionally see each other as distant cousins

[theshadowrealmitself]

I forget how their actual dynamic is, I think because weirdly enough they don’t really show the two interacting with each other that much, but the dynamic they have in my head is:

Karin: *beating the shit out of Suigetsu again*

Naruto, who’s pissed about him robbing Zabuza’s grave: Get his ass, cousin!!

[mechatiqe]

His skills as a mechanic… doesn’t define him? The thought more so unnerved him than comforted him. A huge chunk of who he was related closely to being a mechanic, though. It made him helpful, was his sole source for income, and he was emotionally attached to it. Without it… he would feel at a loss. Not that the princess didn’t have a point; she was right, in a way. His principles were kind of separated from all that, wasn’t it? …It made him almost go into an existential crisis, though, so he tried to wave the thought away. It was easier to define himself as that.

Although, getting the fact that he liked looking after children acknowledged did make him happy. “I uh, I don’t really know if it says much about me, ‘cause people should be nice to kids, so… I dunno. I’m not sure how that would define me, but I guess I do see what you mean now.” Things that are more… human, is what she was trying to say, right? It was hard to think of much in that regard… Crap, he hoped that didn’t say anything horrible about him.

“Cousins?” They would be almost like distant siblings, right? “Er, I guess you don’t really get the chance to babysit a lot, huh?” He scratched his cheek. “You seem like you’d be great at it, though, ‘cause you’re really understanding ‘n stuff... And you know how to steer the rowdy ones. Is it uh, stuff like that they go to you for?” She’d definitely be a better babysitter than him in that regard, at least. He wasn’t exactly great at managing mischievous kids… As absurd as it sounds, he sometimes got bullied by the rascals. Not that he really held it against them, but still, he didn’t know how to deal with it….. Well, if nothing else, they did seem to like him, at the end of the day……

…….Or like poking fun at him, maybe.

Putting that thought aside, he hesitated at what the princess said next, reluctantly following her out. It… did make sense. Humans just, hurt each other all time, huh? That didn’t make it suck any less, because he knew he’d already had his fair share of hurting her, and more. He wanted to make it up to her so badly, but he didn’t know how — not when he kept continuously messing up like this.

But that just means he’ll have to try harder, right?

“I… I don’t really have a specific type I like, honestly...” he tried to go along with the conversation. Whatever was cheap and sweet was automatically his go-to, be it Japanese or Western. “Cereal is great, though! With water or with milk-- but like, with milk it’s much better! It’s kinda… satisfying to eat. Both solid and liquid, so it helps both if you’re thirsty or hungry! Or snacky, since it’s kind of a sweet.” An ideal meal, in his opinion. “Do you prefer European food, Sonia-san? I um, heard someone say that people like the food they grew up on, so…” Not that he knew how true that was. People said all sorts of stuff. Plus, the princess seemed to have a fascination with the Japanese culture specifically.

“Does Novoselic have some special kind of food? …..What’s Novoselic like, in general? I’ve uh, never been outside of Japan, so I always wondered how it’d feel like to be in a whole another country…” The prospect sounded a little scary to him, in all honesty, unless he had someone dependable with him that knew their way around the area. “O-oh, one second. I’m not hungry so I’ll just, grab me a drink over there.” He pointed at the vending machine they were approaching, fumbling to get some coins out of his pocket and into the slot for a can of Strawberry Fanta. “But… yeah, I was wondering what’s the biggest differences between Novoselic and Japan are. A-aside from the military thing.”

"Of course it should not define us," Sonia retorted, though without any tone of admonishment or sarcasm in her voice. Instead, she just smiled: a real, genuine one, not the sort that stayed plastered to her lips during royal events. "Your skills as the Ultimate Mechanic, do not define who you are. Your morals, choices, and values: it simply states you are skilled at what you do, but says nothing to who you are. The latter, in my opinion, is how we should be regarded: all of us in the Main Course."

She'd rather be remembered as a good friend, someone who helped others and tried to make the best choices, instead of being a princess. She nodded though, at his admission of looking after children: that was a step in the right direction. "Yes! Qualities like that, being kind and helpful to children. I think that says more about you than how expertly you can repair an automobile, do you not agree?" He might not: maybe it was easier for her, as an actual princess, to dismiss skills they needed to make their way in the world in favor of being just and fair, kind and compassionate. She wasn't blind: she knew Kazuichi's background and circumstances were the near-opposite of her own. He grew up, she surmised, barely scraping by: she'd inherit an entire country, including a castle and several other properties in Novoselic and around the world.

And those properties came with a household staff to manage them, including the owners who resided there. She thought for a moment: had she ever been solely responsible for another living, breathing thing? Being a ruler was, she assumed, quite different from being a babysitter: but seeing her father in session with the Royal Council, at times, proved otherwise. "I have two younger boy cousins on the royal side of my family, and several other cousins on my mother's side," She finally answered, "I suppose I look after the boys when they need me. Growing up, princes and princesses of Novoselic tend to have nannies, governesses, tutors, security guards, as well as household staff to look after us. But there are things that we cannot share with those employed by the royal family: I look after them then."

It wasn't as common as making meals or putting children to bed. Instead, it was for the times when their parents' shouted and screamed and slammed doors. When they were co-conspirators in avoiding international scandal. When they didn't know where else to turn when they began to grow up too fast. Sonia didn't know how to explain it to him, even if it would likely cause the gilded cage he'd thrust her in to crumble. It was a dark reality she didn't like to admit, even to someone who could probably use a dose of it.

That seemed like a better solution than sheer avoidance, anyway. "Then let us spend time together as friends do," She replied, hoisting her tote bag onto her shoulder. She'd need to be gentle, patient, if they were going to get anywhere as friends. And yet never forget to exert boundaries when needed. "Part of being human, I think, is being hurt or hurting others by honest mistake. But we apologize with sincerity and make every effort not to repeat the error. That is true for me as well: I may accidentally hurt you, or make assumptions that are not true, but I shall endeavor to rectify my mistakes in the future."

In particular, she thought as she led the way out of the classroom and into the empty hallway, she'd needed to banish the word 'stalker' from her vocabulary when referring to him. That was her start in becoming friends with him, and it was easier said than done. "But breakfast is available by now! Both Japanese and Western, which I find fascinating and appreciate. What do you like to order from the cafeteria in the morning, Soda-san? Do you like the traditional Japanese breakfast or something more European?"

[morganofthefairies]

Here are my unsolicited thoughts on the Buckley secret...

Maddie is Buck’s biomom

Jennifer Love Hewitt has said that Maddie is only 9 years older than Buck, and she and Oliver Stark have both confirmed she’s not his mom, so I’m gonna say this is definitely not it.

Buck is adopted

It might be this, but I kinda hope not?  It feels like whatever happened is going to be at least a little traumatizing, and I don’t think adoption fits that?  Also, his parents don’t sound like they like kids very much, so I can’t see WHY they would have adopted him.  Also, why hide it?  Why would Maddie be so freaked out about him finding out? Maddie’s reaction seems like something happened and she’s protecting Buck from something earth-shattering, and I just don’t think adoption fits that.

Buck is Maddie’s cousin / the abandoned son of a relative

Again, it might be this, but I kinda hope not for all of the reasons above, UNLESS something super traumatizing happened to his birth parents and that’s what all the fuss is about.  Like, instead of being abandoned, the secret is that his birth parents died or were otherwise unable to raise him for a reason that’s gonna mess with Buck?  Otherwise, I don’t know why Maddie would be so freaked out.

Buck was conceived when one of his parents had an affair

The line about “I always felt like they liked each other more than they liked us” makes me feel like it’s not this one.  Unless his parents spent his entire life trying to repair their relationship and forgot how to be parents? But then also, how would MADDIE know that? And again, I just don’t feel like this should have too much of an emotional impact on Buck? If anything, it would explain to him WHY his parents were such bad parents? Like, it would tell him that it wasn’t his fault, and that it was theirs? I don’t know, I don’t think this fits.

Secret dead Buckley sibling (Buck’s twin, or kid between Buck & Maddie)

This has something to it.  I don’t know if I love it, but I think it fits a lot of what we already know. Maybe Buck’s parents were good parents at first but withdrew emotionally after losing a kid. Maddie could be freaked out because she’s afraid Buck being in therapy will drag it out, or she feels like she has the answer Buck is looking for in therapy, and she wants to tell him, but if it’s not that, then maybe she’ll just make everything worse?  I don’t know, I just think this one fits, but if it’s done wrong it could be WAY too cheesy (lookin’ at you, Sherlock series 4).

My issue with all of these is that none of these really fit “explain why Buck is the daredevil he is today,” unless it’s just that his parents were distant and he was trying to get their attention?  Or, if there IS a secret dead sibling, maybe he failed to save them somehow and now he doesn’t remember it but he’s subconsciously trying to make up for not saving them by risking his life to save everyone else?

I’m sure there are others theories out there, but these are the ones I’ve seen the most.  If you have other theories, let me know!

Anyway, the next two weeks are gonna destroy my emotions so like. Good luck, everyone!

[charmedglass]

Im on mobile so emojis are hard but pick any two each from the hc meme that you feel are important for Avros, Jade, and Reed

headcanon memes inspired by things i like, part 2. -

Avros

[ 👨‍🏫 ] how much does your muse care about image? how would they react if something personal got leaked about them?

Personally, Avros isn't one to normally care about how others perceive him. He likens it to the fact that everyone has drinks that like or dislike, and sometimes, people just won't mesh. However, this can not be said if something extremely personal were to be leaked about him. He's put a great deal of effort into becoming who he wants to be, so for anything about his younger self, passive and unwilling to do little else then do as he was told.

Well, that's something he would react very poorly too, and try to cover by any means possible. He's not the same person, and while he knows people would know that just be looking at him, he hates the fact that he was ever that way to begin with.

[ ❄️ ] is there any special meaning behind your muse’s name? what is it?

In truth, I have no idea where I originally pulled the name from. I tried looking it up just now, but couldn't find anything that held any merit. In all honesty, I think I was looking for names that just sounded melodic or elegant, and ended up smashing some words together. Avros sounds gorgeous, and could be a variation of Avarosa. But I'm also excited to discover if you say Avros Tian as one word, like Avrostian, it kinda sounds like Ambrosian, like the Ambrosia flower.

Which up, stands for love and devotion. I love it. ( I'm aware that there are toxic parts to the flower depending on how it's used, but honestly, I think that adds to the charm of the name. Because Avros, his roots and where he comes from, could've been a horribly toxic person, but instead is loving and devoted to his people. )

Jade

[ 👨‍🎤 ] would your muse define themselves as rebellious or by-the-book? what are they, actually?

Jade knows full well how other people describe him, dramatic and callous. Which, he knows isn't wrong either, he's rebelled a fair bit just to get what he wants, even if that meant getting his hands dirty. In truth, he knows that one day, his not so clean reputation will catch up to him from the time he was away from Atlas to find his half-sister.

While he endlessly worries and nitpicks over making his own life his again, he doesn't seem to think about how others perceive how he actually is, vs the persona he displays. He knows he can be cruel, arrogant and dismissive. So, Jade is fully aware of the fact that he can be seen as rebellious too.

Sometimes, he wonders if he should just bite the bullet and go with what comes as 2nd nature, and not necessarily what he wants.

[ 🤪 ] what is your muse’s sense of humor like? are they known for being joking, or serious?

As above, he is known to be callous, this applies to his sense of humor as well. He always seems to have an undertone of sardonic or dark humor, and depending on who is around, will sometimes backpedal. He knows he can be a bit much, so he tries his best to dial it down around those he actually cares about, like his cousin and sister. Others however?

He couldn't care less. He'll be as unnerving as he wants, because he knows people adore his looks, his dances, so he can get away with being charming, and yet ugly at the same time. It's his way of protecting himself from the burden of relationships to other people, for if they think his heart doesn't match his outwardly beauty, they won't care to be around him.

Which, is how he likes it.

Reed

[ 📢 ] what does your muse’s voice sound like? is it high-pitched, or deep? is it nasal or set in their chest? describe it in as much detail as you can.

Honestly, when I think of Reed most often, I imagine what you would a Dark, Fae Prince of sorts. Not the edgy melodramatics, ( which are neat! Just not for Reed. ) But just, that voice that lingers on the cusp of smooth, deep but not quite, voice range that has an air of youth. I imagine it doesn't carry emotion very well, and yet, can carry that hint of mischief.

He's playful, but quiet, charming, yet reserved. These are things I imagine for Reed's voice, and that's not even touching on his singing voice, which will be in it's own headcanon. Once I find a voice closest to what I'm describing, I will add a link.

[ 🌺 ] what is your muse’s relationship with their parents? are there specific things they like/dislike about them?

Being a child in a family with polygamous parents is never easy. It's not considered the norm, and comes with it's own set of challenges and boons. Reed has never once, and will never, fault his parents for loving one another. He sees how well they all work together, and loves that, even in hardships, that function as a team. That said, a child will not always adore every aspect of their families, and Reed is no different.

When it comes to Avros, he loves the mellowed air that follows. How if he is frightened, or overwhelmed, he can reach solace in an embrace, tucked away into giant wings. He knows that, even if sometimes he takes a moment to talk, Avros will always understand his reasoning to take a moment to think before he speaks.

However, he doesn't understand why Avros is sometimes reluctant. Why he is so loving one day, and distant in quiet moments, lost in thought. Reed is smart enough to know his father was bruised and battered by something, and he wishes that he could help him let it go sometimes. But Avros refuses to speak of it, wanting to wait until they're all older. Reed considers them old enough, but he is still told to wait. He's worried for what that means.

With Briar, is mother is always loud, always proud of everything that they do. It can be as simple as moving a spider outside, to as grand as embracing their own passions. Reed knows they will never feel undervalued with their Mother's love, and this will never be a bad thing.

But he also wishes that, sometimes he could get her to slow down. She does! But sometimes it takes a moment, and it can be overwhelming, when he just wants silence. Reed loves his mother, and admires everything she embodies. But sometimes, he wants to just slow down, and those times don't always line up with his mother's boundless energy. It can be emotionally exhausting sometimes, but he hasn't the heart to tell her, because he admires that about her too.

With Qrow, Reed finds he can be a little bit more wild. Avros and Briar worry about him, because his wings are far more fragile then a birds he knows. But with Qrow, he can go out into the wilderness, explore, scavenge for different flowers and methods of survival. Reed knows Qrow learned this because he really had no choice, but he appreciates that, when he asks, Qrow doesn't turn him down. It lets Reed really expand his horizons, and he loves him for it.

However, that isn't to say that Qrow isn't overbearing in his own way. Reed is often called his lucky cricket, and this term of endearment means a lot to him. However, this also means that Qrow has his own streak of protectiveness, it can be harsh when Reed puts himself in harms way, and sometimes comes across a little too confrontational for Reed’s comfort. He knows it’s because his Papa cares for him, but at the same time, he enjoys spending time with Qrow because he lets him explore, live. He knows he will essentially always have a safety net when they explore, but sometimes, it’s just a bit too much.  

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs

I haven’t done this in a while, recommending fics. But there were some fics these past couple of months that put a smile on my face, so I want to spread that joy to others. Seriously, they’re so good and I want to shove all these recs at people and have them appreciate them as much as I do. Everyone stay safe and I hope these recs make staying home easier for everyone!

-

[Fullmetal Alchemist]

maestoso by novalotypo

Edward Elric is about eleven when he stands up, makes an extended effort to knock as many books off the old bastard’s shelves as he can, and says, “Fuck the military. Al, you interested in music at all?”

Everybody's got their own ideas of retirement.

The Elrics don't even do retirement, what with the world trying to blow itself up every other month, but this shit has got to take the fucking cake.

(You want a fic that’ll make you cry tears of uncontrollable laughter? I point you to this fic. The shenanigans, the fact this is a time travel fic, the fucking headaches the Elrics cause, the I-Have-No-Fucks-To-Give attitude. Legend.)

-

[The Magnus Archives]

we raise it up by savrenim

Jonathan Sims reads a book and saves the world; although maybe the real salvation is the friends he makes along the way.

OR: in which Jon is not the only Archival monster for very long, Sasha James is competent, Tim Stoker finds some catharsis, Helen Richardson is sexy, Melanie makes a very successful youtube channel revamp, and Martin Blackwood gets to brew a lot of new friends tea.

(This is literally the most creative, fucking inspired tma fic I’ve ever read. You literally will never be able to guess what happens next and it’s just so much fun.)(Kinda Time Travel, you’ll understand what I mean if you read it, it’s so well done and amazing.)(The characterization for Sasha makes me want to weep, I’ve never seen her characterized this way before and it makes SO MUCH SENSE.)(@savrenim you are a QUEEN and you inspire me to be a better writer.)

-

[Marvel]

Crash Landing by Nyxelestia

"You could've left me there," Adrian murmured, jerking his head back towards the burning beach in the distance. "For Stark and his DODC people to find me. Liz and Doris' lives would've actually fallen apart with my arrest, and all my work to take care of them would've gone to waste. You could've just left me there...but you didn't. So I'll make you another deal."

Peter clenched his hands, fists shaking hard. "I'm giving you a second chance - but if you go back to what you were doing...I can't make any promises."

"It would be stupid of me to expect you to, after all this," Adrian said. He looked at Peter, at the hints of bruises and all the blood. He had trouble reconciling this fragile-looking kid with the superhuman who's been destroying his business, his daughter's homecoming date with the boy he'd nearly killed. "That's not my deal. My deal is, we both walk away, and neither of us say a word about any of this to Liz. Anything else - we'll cross those bridges as we come to them."

Swallowing, the boy nodded.

Instead of gift-wrapping the Vulture for Happy to find, Peter lets Mr. Toomes go.

(Honestly, I’m disappointed in the fact there’s not many Vulture-centric fics out there. This was so great and Peter was wonderfully characterized here along with Ned.)(I have a deep craving now for more Adrian Toomes fics and I blame this fic for that. I don’t regret it one bit.)

-

[The Witcher]

all some children do is work by some_stars

It's two children, he realizes as they slowly sit up. They look about eight or nine, not that he's much judge of children's ages. One is a girl, dark-haired, in a shabby dress. The other is a boy. His clothes aren't much better, and his hair isn't much lighter than the girl's, but his eyes—

His eyes, Jaskier realizes with a distant sense of horror, are gold like a cat's. His mind makes one more valiant effort to keep from connecting the obvious dots and recognizing them, and then it finally does.

"How in the unholy fuck," Jaskier says to no one, "did this shit happen?"

(So sweet it’ll give you cavities. Break your own heart reading this, I dare you.)

of music and motion and love by WriteThroughTheNight

When Jaskier was four, he slipped his mother’s watch and went to the field to gather a bouquet of dandelions. He climbed back into the yard, as stealthy as a child really cared to be, and crept over to the barn. In the barn, lived a secret. (The man he thought his father said the secret was a monster, a plague. His mother said the secret was his sister.)

OR

Jaskier comes from a far humbler background, and would really like to know why Yennefer never came back for her youngest brother.

(YENNEFER AND JASKIER AS SIBLINGS ENOUGH SAID. FIENOWPAFE)

to render it transparent by theundiagnosable

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

(Where Geralt wakes up in the future and Jaskier and Geralt live at the Coast.)(They are Disasters. What else is new.)(Everything’s lovely and emotionally repressed.)

-

[Game of Thrones]

if I give you my heart, will you promise not to break it? by janie_tangerine

Ship: Brienne/Jaime

“It’s not broken,” she protests.

“Please,” Ronnet goes on, “it’s all red. Red hearts like that are broken and their owners are either useless or more effort than they’re worth. ‘Course you would get a broken one, who else would want you?”

“It’s not,” Brienne hisses, and at that he stops talking. She realizes her voice had turned cold. Very cold. A coldness that doesn’t belong to her, she’s never sounded like that, but it seems to come from the pulsing warmth in her hands, again - “and the day I find him you’ll see he’s not broken or damaged or unworthy. And I sure as the seven hells hope no one got saddled with yours.

in which soulmates find each other through one of them having the other's heart.

or, in which Brienne gets a mostly broken one the day Jaime Lannister kills Aerys Targaryen.

(So this is a series, just want to put that out there. And I read through all of them cause I just couldn’t do otherwise. Brienne is obviously the bravest, most noble, most amazing of course. And Jaime makes me want to punch a wall because feels.)(This soulmate idea is so creatively and well done, has become one of my favorite soulmate tropes.)(There are a lot of interesting pairings in this series and the way the author went about the relationships and this expanding world has me giving all the yeses.)(Please read!!!)

-

[Gilmore Girls]

Weather Me by missgoalie75

Ship: Paris Geller/Jess Mariano

A year in the life of Paris and Jess.

(PARIS GELLER AND JESS MARIANO AT THEIR VERY BEST HOLY SHIT!!! I can hear their voices in every line, every thought, every damn interaction and I am so in love it's ridiculous. Paris in particular won me over, I have become incredibly fond of her and it's honestly brilliant! And Jess has a beautiful mind and I love him, I do. God, do I.)(missgoalie75 did it again.)

Living With It by thesaltyavocado

Ship: Lindsay Lister/Jess Mariano

#Future Fic, #Post-Season/Series Finale, #So Your Ex is Now Your Step-Cousin, #And You're Dating Her Ex's Ex!, #A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Over It

(There’s no summary, it’s a series, and I’m in LOVE. I am a sucker for really, really well done rare pairs, and this is the rarest of them all. Go for it. It’s beautiful.)(Also, the author is literally the BEST, the VERY BEST at making me want to ship people I never even thought of. They’re awesome.)(check out all their fics, I went on a spree and you should too.)

-

[The Hunger Games]

Speechless by thesaltyavocado

Ship: Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket

Effie was kind, she was warm, she offered comfort to anyone who needed it, microphones be damned. She had a reputation for generosity amongst the Victors that Haymitch hadn't paid any attention to, because he was so paranoid about showing his hand that he barely even said her name around other people, barely even acknowledged her existence. Everyone thought he hated her, Beetee had explained. Everyone knew the stories about how he'd made her cry in the sponsor's lounge at the opening of the 61st Games, how he'd blown up at Cecelia that time when she'd asked him to pass a message onto Effie for her. Is that why none of you assholes ever liked me? Haymitch had asked. No, we didn't like you because you were a prick, Beetee told him, which was fair enough.

(The best, and I mean the best fic I’ve ever read regarding this pairing. Nothing is ever going to top this. Nothing.)(The WORLDBUILDING. FUCK.)(Literally everyone is perfectly characterized in new, heartbreaking ways and I just, fuck. Fuck.)(I don’t care if you’re not into the fandom, this will make you fall in love and see the characters with new eyes and it’s absolutely stellar.)(I want to cry.)(You don’t even have to be here for the ship, just be here for the writing, characterization, the WORLDBUILDING, fucking everything.)(Please.)(This fic NEEDS more love.)(I have fallen in love with Effie Trinket.)(This is my life now.)

-

[Harry Potter]

Walkabout by thesaltyavocado for teethandstars

Ship: Hermione Granger/Sirius Black

"You are always far too handsome for your own good," Hermione says, "in any timeline."

(The author strikes again when it comes to shipping people I don’t expect to love, yet here it is. Such an interesting fic where the time travel already happened and it’s the aftermath that the fic covers.)(Again, characterization off the fucking charts and I just want to wrap myself up in their words and live there.)(A story about broken people trying to find peace within themselves.)

-

[Stranger Things]

and you hunger for the time by missgoalie75

Ship: Steve Harrington/Kali Prasad

after the battle of starcourt, steve figured the rest of the summer would involve not working, waiting for his busted ribs and face to heal, hanging out with robin and the party, and trying to ignore the panic he feels whenever he thinks about his future. All that does happen, but other unexpected things happen too.

(Bet you didn’t see this ship coming, did you? Neither did I, yet here we are.)(missgoalie75 is the gift that keeps on giving.)(But in all seriousness this is my favorite characterization of Steve, hands down.)(This fic needs more kudos and comments and basically all the love it deserves.)(God tier characterization and relationship development.)

-

[Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas]

nfwmb by perennial

Ship: Eris/Proteus

The goddess of discord isn't careless enough to fall in love with a do-gooder mortal prince—unless, of course, she doesn't know it's happening.

(Okay, hear me out. I know it’s weird, I can feel the judgement coming from my screen. But I am weak in the face of rare pairings that actually work and the fact I fucking loved this movie ever since I was a kid, okay? So if anybody else loves this fandom as much as I do, stand up and take notice of this. I am here to tell you there are worthwhile fics to be read in this very, very small fandom.)

I'll keep turning down the hands that beckon me to come by deavors

Ship: Marina/Proteus/Sinbad

“Jealous?” Sinbad says, voice easily and casually mocking, but there’s something else under there, an undertone that speaks of so many things Marina isn’t even close to understanding.

“Extremely,” says Proteus, cracking a half-smile, but Marina feels like he’s not joking.

They stare at each other for a few moments. Marina’s gaze flickers between them. Sun and moon. She wishes—she doesn’t know what she wishes. Her heart is twisting again, but in a different way from before: as though it’s half-empty and longs to be full.

(You have no idea how in love I am with the idea of these three being in a poly relationship. No idea.)(I’ve been shipping all of them the moment I was introduced to the idea of polyamory relationships.)(This is THE poly ship for me.)(Nothing’s ever gonna come close. Nothing.)

-

[Crossovers]

Trust Me, I'm an Alchemist by metisket

Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice, Fullmetal Alchemist

In which Yuri Plisetsky began life with the name Edward Elric, and this has made the world of figure skating a significantly stranger and more alarming place.

“Are you saying you lived a life of crime before you began skating?” “I’m gonna have to check the statute of limitations on a couple things and get back to you on that.”

(Meme Alien Edward, Ninja Alphonse who’ll smile at you as you Perish, Disaster Gay Victor, Disaster Gay Maniac Yuuri.)(If this isn’t incentive enough, the Elrics traumatizing and delighting social media with their Life Stories and their Life of Crime.)(Feral Elrics being Feral Elrics.)(It’s the kind of fic that gets better with every chapter, cause the shenanigans just keep ESCALATING.)

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

APH Iceland Headcanons

Just some thoughts I have that I never published. Some are just really vague personality notes that I’m adding a lot of real life background to though, so you’re warned.

- “Plays it cool, but is actually a dork” kind of person

- Wants to be seen as mature by his fellows, but ends up kind of being babied by the others. Explanation: I see this as a factor of Iceland being a smaller country and not being very well known on the world stage/not exerting that much influence, he often gets sorta frustrated that he’s not being taken seriously, especially by his Nordic “brothers”

- However, I also think that in rare moments, or just deep down, he’s satisfied with his position and grateful that he doesn’t have to bear the weight of fame and success, to make the decisions for the world. He sees it as pressure that he sometimes can’t take, but on the other hand, he still wants to be heard by people, just not with that much responsibility on his shoulders. Much more of a follower than a leader.

- Trusts Norway a whole lot, even if he usually seems to dislike him. Probably one of the only people he’d seek advice from. Others include Sweden and the younger nations: HK, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, etc.

- Like a distant, weird, second cousin you only get to see twice a year or so, a bit weird by “normal” standards. I’ve heard (correct me if wrong) that real Icelanders are a bit “kooky”? They (supposedly) have a reputation for being a bit weird in terms of fashion and things (@ that lopapeysa strip in the manga), as well as in their food (it seems this isn’t widely eaten on a daily basis, but there’s dishes like fermented shark and hrútspungar/sour sheep testicles). Therefore, yeah, APH Iceland is a bit of a weirdo sometimes. Also, because real Iceland is geographically far from mainland Europe, APH Iceland is a bit distant to everybody else (it’s said he’s “a step behind when it comes to European fads” from the wiki), and this is another “second cousin” thing --> he’s a bit emotionally far from the rest of his family just because he’s away from them physically.

- I attribute his desire to appear normal to just normal teenage angst, since from what I’ve heard, Icelanders are pretty proud about their culture and their uniqueness?

- I think his childish side is also a thing fitting the “next cousin” personality? Like I agree with him being a Gen Z and a netizen who’s really internet-fluent and has all the memes and stuff

- Nature!!! Similar to Norway in this respect, because they’ve both got a lot of wild places that are really beautiful. Given that real Iceland has glaciers and hot springs and a giant hoard of pretty scenery, although APH Iceland tries to fit in and not be a nerd about nature, he loves the peace and quiet of the outdoors a lot. Seriously appreciates how beautiful real Iceland is, and is pretty proud of it inside.

- I don’t think he’s very rugged, probably wouldn’t be good at camping, although he’s outdoors a lot.

- Runs two social medias: one about his life, memes, #relatable things, younger nation hangouts, and another that’s much more aesthetic-y with hiking photos and mountain pictures. Some of his close friends know about both, but most people just know about his personal account, not the nature one.

- Finds his friends comforting and funny and nice to hang out with most of the time, but it’s a bit energy draining talking to people a lot. He’s the sassy and sort of cynical one in their group.

- But, they drag the fun side out of him a lot, usually because they do crazy things and force him to come along even though he pretends it’s really dumb (and sometimes it is) but ends up laughing a lot and thinking they should do it again someday.

- A seriously sweet smile, if you can get it out of him.

- I think he’d be that person who criticizes the things and people he likes, just because he doesn’t really have the heart to actually express his feelings.

- He likes dogs from afar - meaning that he’s kinda put off and a little annoyed if he gets close to one and they start barking a whole ton and getting really excited but he likes how cute they can be. He just wouldn’t want to be committed to caring for his own ig.

- Worries a lot, mostly about people liking him, but the second he has to interact with people who are talking bs he gets reminded why he kinda dislikes/hates social interaction sometimes. A sort of dilemma between being lonely and thinking that “all people are junk”, but he’s really grateful for the people he was forced to meet but whom he genuinely likes

- Second closest to Sweden out of all the Nordics, after Norway. Like, I don’t know if I just haven’t found Swe/Ice interactions, but their relationship is criminally ignored??? Iceland goes to Swe for advice!!! He knows Swe won’t usually judge and is pretty good at keeping secrets, he literally asks Swe what’s going on in that birthday party episode, bro he trusts Sweden to be there and answer his questions when Norway refuses to so he can annoy Iceland. I need someone to expound on their relationship please.

That’s it! I love this kid to death but somehow can’t write for him, and I don’t think I got his personality down correctly hhh. Anyway, feel free to refute my ideas! I love hearing new headcanons, especially unconventional ones!

*Also, the “next cousin” thing I included is based on this, a video about what Nordic people really think about each other. Real Iceland was described as: expensive, very beautiful in terms of nature and scenery, and like a next cousin.

[skyphile]

prime numbers! ((emberoops))

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

THIS IS SO SAD BUT NO...... he would DIE for a sibling, and his parents dont have siblings either so he doesnt even have cousins,,, he longs for that kind of relationship so much??

he ended up projecting being a big brother to many people over the course of his life instead, and it embarrasses him so much when he notices it happening, it makes him feel so silly

i would say the biggest tugs of that kind of dynamic rn are maybe with colin especially with all the dumb fake animosity, while adrien is almost a legit Parental/mother hen feeling of being protective of him

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

ive talked about this a bit before, but graham was the product of an arranged marriage. his grandfather made his dad marry a woman from a prestigious family so they could keep their popularity and prestige and important connections themselves, especially as immigrants in a very racist country

his parents ended up caring deeply for one another, but not in a romantic way, and his mother was extremely depressed and anxious throughout her pregnancy, and after graham was born. she was nearly suicidal and grahams grandfather was only making things worse, so it was grahams dad who basically. decided to say fuck it to his father, bring grahams mother somewhere safe, give her all the money and resources and protection she needed to get better and pursue her own life, and he was super attached to baby graham and wanted to raise him all by himself

this early turmoil traumatized graham and when he grew up it was something that made him feel othered in relation to his peers, in addition to his race, his culture, his budding gender identity and sexual & romantic orientations. it made him feel deeply unloveable, broken, and incapable of love himself, it was one of the things that made him grow up very wary of the concept of marriage, and it took a lot of vulnerability, respect and genuine care and hard work between him and his dad to understand that the circumstances of his birth were not his fault, and that this was the best solution for everyone to be able to experience their love for each other the best way possible

graham has met her several times, writes to her regularly, and he treats her like a dear friend rather than a parent. hes happy for her, her art degrees, her girlfriend, and in turn shes expressed a lot of pride and joy in getting to meet this boy she helped bring to the world

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

graham loves his dad to fucking pieces

hes such a humble, emotionally intelligent and caring man, who from early on caught onto all the outdated and damaging aspects of the traditions of his family and fought against it time after time after time

he is completely different from his own father, who had very specific plans for him, and he just foiled them all!

with grahams birth, he did the best he could raising him by himself, thwarting his fathers enduring influence, and making sure this kid had all the tools to be true to himself and follow his heart no matter what. he isnt perfect and of course he made many mistakes, but he is always humble enough to admit when hes wrong, apologize to his child, communicate his feelings and figure out solutions together. graham has always had an amazing role model in him

the circumstances of grahams disappearance and then return after the trials of his own jumanji esque adventure are still difficult for him to understand, but he still believed graham, and he was the biggest force in bringing his son back from his damaging self isolation and motivate him to cook, to live, to carry on

he still remains ever supporting and adoring of his child, adoring of his new child in law, and just an all around amazing dude

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

what pockets....

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

if theyre not horror movie or game induced, then theyre related to his period of isolation, to being trapped in an endlessly dark, silent, quiet cold place

he may see himself as he was when that happened too, close to starvation, hollow and alone

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

during the time they were in their own jumanji esque adventure, completely by himself, unaided, trapped in some reality away from his own so he could put it together and slowly solve this lock puzzle until he got to come home again

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

hes usually ok with handling himself with crises, even when theres a lot of blood

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

bunnies! lots of sweet stuffies, including rabbits, pokemon and marine creatures

his gameboy and his tamagotchi too

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

i would say his biiiiiiig repulsion/aversion to dating culture in general? this is related to his family history but is also a big consequence of his aromanticism

he has huge trouble understanding all the rituals of people jumping into commitments and weird expectations and fleeting obsessions when most of the time they dont even have a solid foundation of time, vulnerability and trust to even call themselves a good friendship, especially in people who he sees jump into the same pitfalls over and over?

ultimately he understands that his own circumstances are important differences in how people shape their relationships, but it still makes him extremely secondhand anxious, especially because in his experience as an observer rushed things and pushed expectations make for very volatile and intense disappointments that end up hurting him a lot too, and hes kinda very tired of that

nonetheless, this has made him grow distant of friends in the past, and while he regrets some of it and wishes it was easier to compromise and be more comfortable about it, he also knows that he was right about many situations and ultimately it was a better idea not to get involved and trust his gut

What does your character dislike in other people?

nonsensical violence, general assholery, unwillingness to listen, lack of consideration for others, being treated as someone useful for stuff he knows or tools he has or things he can give and then being discarded, he also feels very peeved when people sexualize him when hes talked about his nudity before and how it relates with growing comfort with his self image

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

i would say so, yes!! working on video games, pro cuddling and cooking for others are definitely pinnacles of things hes always thought would bring others joy

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

home... close to kes, taking a deep breath in their little home, with their little family, and feeling wholly, intrinsically belonging...

similar locations are for example when his dad throws a party and graham gets to invite all his best friends and everyone just has a lovely time laughing and eating together. game streams are a similar venture too!!

but at the end of the day, coming home, kicking off shoes and clothes, snuggling up to his starlight and their babies? pure bliss

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

i still dont understand what this means,,,,

he does not have honor OR status SOBS

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

oh it is a constant cycle of tremendous happiness and having to pinch himself bc hes so scared hes still in the silent cold dark alone... hes always trying to do better to keep earning this. hes a bit better about it now, he understand ppl are here bc they want to, but yknow. brain trauma still does things sometimes.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

nope! but his dad moods are soooo big now. he just wants to protect kids and be a good influence...

[capnmarvell]

do you have any cute kyoru headcanons? or any other hcs? what part of the manga moved you the most? what are you most looking forward to being animated?

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

1. Cute Kyoru Headcanons?

One that I like is that they got pregnant fairly quickly after getting married, and that Hajime was an accident. I like to think it sort of mirrors Kyoko and Katsuya finding out about their pregnancy with Tohru, but in a much more happier way. Whereas Kyoko was scared regarding her ability to be a mother and didn’t tell Katsuya until after she confirmed the pregnancy herself, Kyo would be the one more nervous about being a dad and be scared of being like his birth father, and Tohru would reassure him and remind him they will be parenting together, and the two went to the doctors together to confirm the pregnancy.

I also really like to imagine Tohru really loving Disney, and Kyo one day surprises her with tickets to go to Tokyo Disneyland and Tohru is freakin over the moon excited and Kyo is all smiles because wow he knew this would make her happy but WOW she’s so stinkin happy and they go and when they get to the park EVERYONE is there (The Sohmas, Uo, Hana, Kazuma) because Tohru told everyone of Kyo’s gift and how happy she was and no way were they all gonna miss Tohru going to the happiest place on Earth. and Kyo kinda sulks like he did when Uo and Hana tagged along on their first date but Tohru is oblivious and Kyo eventually comes around and everyone has a blast and Kyo and Tohru kiss during the fireworks at the end of the night and Uo snaps a pic because “aw they’re cute. kyo included“ and Tohru frames it in their apartment

2. any other hcs?

I like to think that Tohru and Komaki become friends in the distant future. I mean, Kakeru and Komaki’s daughter is close with Mitsuki, which makes sense because they’re direct cousins, but she’s also close with Hajime and the other Sohmas too. So I like to think around the time Yuki and Machi were planning their wedding was when Tohru met Komaki again and they became close, and all of their little kiddos were raised together as friends and Tohru having another girl friend in Komaki, and Machi too!

I also hc Momiji’s wife being musical as well, but doing something different with her life. We know he goes into his father’s business, but I don’t think he would ever give up his violin. I hc that he meets his wife is college, and overhears her playing music (I like to think she plays piano) but doesn’t see her face and then he attends a baseball game for the womens team and she’s the pitcher too and she’s there on a sports scholarship. Momiji has no idea these two are the same people and when he learns they are he’s so excited because he relates to her on not pursuing her passions for something more practical (in her case, something that will help pay her way through college). and Momiji and his wife unconditionally support their daughter Mina’s love of baseball and encourage her to follow her dreams and his wife pitches her the ball and she hits it and Momiji cheers for both of them during practice. Ugh. So adorable.

3. What part of the manga moved me the most?

Hmm. Emotionally moved me? There were 2 parts that really really moved me, and actually caused me to start sobbing during many rereads. 1. being Kyoko breaking down and crying ‘Don’t leave me!’ when packing up Katsuya’s things after he dies. The emptiness she feels after the loss of someone she loves so much really breaks my heart, and you can just really feel those emotions, and even almost hear the agony in her voice just from reading the lines. It’s very powerful. and then Kyoko running back to Tohru before committing suicide, because she realizes she’s been neglectful and that she can’t leave her baby behind, she has to take care of her. Really really touching.The second part would be Yuki crying while holding the baseball cap in his flashback, while thinking of how much he wanted friends, caring parents, and a warm home to come back to. Reading about his abuse and isolation, and seeing this little boy no older than 6 or 7 crying over something he should have is devastating. and What moved me was the bonus chapter in FBA that showed Yuki’s son Mitsuki tell him that he’s happy, and that Yuki and Machi created the home Yuki wanted as a child, and Yuki begins to cry. I cried during this part,  it was so full circle.

4. What are you most looking forward to being animated?

There are so many parts it’s so hard to narrow it down! I’m really excited to see the chapter with Momiji, Momo, Kureno, Tohru, and Kyo animated; when Tohru goes to the main house to try and see Kureno and she talks to Momo and finds out Momo thinks Momiji is her brother and she wants to get to know Momiji and Tohru cries to Momiji because wow this is so tragic that they both want to know each other but can’t and Momiji stays with her and helps her and tells her his dream and promises to learn Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Tohru talks with Kureno and that cute scene on the roof with Tohru and Kyo! That’s one of my favorite chapters and I cannot wait to see it all animated on screen. I hope they don’t cut any of it out!!!

[funkymbtifiction]

MBTI’ing the OTP: Valentine’s Day Special

By Mysterylover123

These are just my personal ships, FYI - you don’t like em, no problem. Just thought I’d analyze the MBTI types of all my faves. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Friends: Chandler and Monica - ISFJ & ESFJ

If I had to pick my idea of a great IRL romance, this would be it. Best friends who fall in love. Chandler is the ISFJ, hesitant, eager to be liked, sticking to his guns and more practical in some ways than Monica. Monica has been typed as both ESTJ & ESFJ, and I can see a case for both - she’s ESFJ on this site and ESTJ on others. Either way, she’s more controlling and uptight than Chandler, but in some ways less practical and more emotion-driven. They make an interesting couple that works surprisingly well, who manage to balance out each others’ strengths and weaknesses nicely.

Steven Universe: Ruby and Sapphire - ESTP & INFJ

The OTP to end them all, Ruby and Sapphire are an interesting case of opposites attracting. They have the exact inverted functions of each other, Se-Ti-Fe-Ni, and combine to form the ISTP Garnet. Ruby is impulsive and Sapphire sees the future. Ruby is aggressive and Sapphire patient. They’re a great match, though potentially volatile since they’re so opposite and yet so similar. It makes crazy sense for characters with inverted functions to form a permafusion.

Harry/Ginny (ISFP/ESTP)

Everyone has a HP OTP, it seems, and mine is HG. These two have a pretty classic MBTI romance combination - both SP artisans, who like living in the moment and are often impulsive. Harry is more emotional and broody and Ginny is more logical and practical. One interesting point that I think makes these two compatible is that Harry’s Fi makes him hard to talk to and comfort easily; it takes someone with extraordinary tact and patience to get him to communicate, and Ginny has that as a Ti/Fe user - a strong perception of others’ needs. Makes them pretty perfect for each other.

Swarkles Robin/Barney (ISTP/ENTP)

These two have a rather unusual combination of MBTI - Both high Ti users but different perceiving functions. Robin, the ISTP, is a clear pragmatist who has difficulty with emotions. Barney is a big idea guy who bounces from one thing to the next endlessly, with the philosophy that new is always better. Both are a bit on the impulse, fun-loving side in this case, making for a very whacky couple with lots of sitcom adventures. Favorite line between them: “I’m such a mess, why do you even like me?” “I guess cause you’re almost as messed up as I am.”

Buffy/Faith (ESFP/ESTP)

Time to put my Buffy-verse OTPs out there! Once upon a time, I did ship Spuffy, but I’ve turned to the Fuffy side of things as time went by. Anyway, Buffy and Faith are both Se noms who love action and living in the moment. This goes badly for them in “Bad Girls” but there is a certain degree of mutual understanding between two Se doms. The difference is their T/F functions - Faith is utilitarian and Buffy inwardly moral. However, as the series goes on they come to a better understanding of each other. I always enjoy their chemistry, even if they don’t get to be canon.

Angel/Cordelia (ISFJ/ESTJ)

My biggest Buffy-verse OTP, one most people don’t get into without seeing the spinoff show Angel. But Cangel has my heart. I love slow-burn friendship ships. Anyway, the MBTI. Both strong Si users, but with a nice balance between them; Angel has the ideals and empathy that influence Cordelia to be a kinder person with his Si/Fe;  Cordy has the grounded practicality to keep Angel from disappearing into broodiness, and they balance each other out perfectly for the first 3 seasons of the show. Definitely love this one and always angry at Whedon for not letting it happen.

Daria/Jane (INFP/ISFP)

Don’t know if  y’all have seen Daria, but check it out of you have the time. It’s great. Anyway, another one with two of the same dominant functions: Both Fi’s. This means they’re both highly moral introverts who love artistic expression but struggle with expressing feelings aloud. That’s Daria and Jane, all right. The contrasting perceiving functions show in how Jane is more willing to engage in the world and give stuff (cheerleading at one point) a try, while Daria is more hesitant and less engaged. I do ship them - they’re best friends and the show wasn’t shy about teasing them. Noncanon ship here.

Clois - Clark Kent/Lois Lane (ISFP/ESTP)

I love these two in any incarnation - I’m a sucker for bickering friends to lovers - but my favorite is Smallville. The same MBTI makeup as Harry/Ginny earlier - I guess I like this combination. Again, part of what makes it work is the similar perceiving functions, but nicely balanced TF opposites. FI can get a little brooding and introverted on itself, while Ti/Fe can sometimes become too pragmatic and insensitive, so they help each other out in a lot of ways. Something about Clark/Lois just works for me - another pairing of a sweetheart dreamer and a snarky pragmatist who bicker because they care.

Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy (ESFP/ENFJ)

My favorite incarnation of these two is the animated series version - they have such great chemistry there and Timm says they are canon here. Anyway, this combo is rather frequent in fiction, ENFJ often paired off with high Se users for some reason. Ivy as the ENFJ has a lot of tact, perception and motherly behavior that helps her sweet-talk and care for the impulsive and damaged Harley. Harley, the ESFP, has a certain knack for connecting to others, and helps Ivy avoid becoming too misanthropic, since Ivy kinda hates humans in general. Great pair of wicked gal pals.

Frasier’s Niles/Daphne (INFJ/ENFP)

One of my rare pairings with complete opposite functions. But in some ways my very first OTP. They’re both Intuitive dominants, dreamers with their minds in the clouds, who are attracted to each other but take forever to act on it in any way. Both are emotionally driven - Niles outwardly, Daphne inwardly - with strong personal ethics; tertiary Thinking functions, and inferior Sensing functions. They’re definitely opposites attract, but with a caveat of perfectly aligning functions. I love this ship so damn much; it’s such a great mix of hot chemistry and tender love.

Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson (INTP/ENFP)

Peter and MJ have many different incarnations, with varying functions. The consistent seems to be that Peter uses some kind of Ti (ISFJ, ISTP, ESTP, INTP) and is usually an introvert, while MJ is an extrovert with a strong intuitive function (ENFP/ENFJ) or occasionally adapted into an ISFP. Either way, my favorite version is the comics, which lean towards the first interpretation. As an iNTP I get along well with the ENFPs in my life, but more importantly I love this pairing too. High Ne combo that sees the possibilities in the world, and the classic Ti/Te balance.

MCU Stucky - Steve/Bucky (ISFJ/ESTP)

I have some other MM slash pairs, but they’re mostly from anime so they’re not on this list. Anyway, Stucky. Both Fe/Ti users, with dominant sensing functions of different perceptions. Steve is more of a stick-to-it kinda guy, Bucky is more willing to try other options (this pops up a lot in their interactions, with Bucky suggestion different Paths and Steve not backing down. Who says Se’s are more stubborn than Si’s?). There is a great devotion between the two, though. I know it won’t be canon but that never stopped anyone from shipping before.

Gravity falls Dipper/Pacifica (INTJ/ESTJ)

Another noncanon one. This is a very unusual combo, I can’t think of many stories that even have these two types. Both are high Te users, which in this case practically guarantees a Bickering Sexual Tension kind of relationship. Both are pragmatic and long-term planners, with Dipper being an Ni-dom who overplans and over-thinks everything, Pacifica a strong pragmatist. Both are Type A’s with a lot in common, who learn from each other. His stronger Fi function helps her come to terms with her lower Fi, and act morally. It’s very sweet.

Parks and Recreation Andy/April (ENFP/INTP?)

I’m a little uncertain of April’s type, since I’ve seen lots of different typings for her across the board. My best guess for now is INTP. Another pairing I just adore, this time canon and married. They’ve got just a great balance, both being impulsive dreamers but one more openly affectionate and the other more reticent and practical. These two just work well together - balanced and loving and supportive. The strong Ne they both share (I think they do) makes for some great vague and impractical connections. I fell in love with this ship right away, as soon as my cousin showed me the episode where they move in with Ben.

CSI Grissom/Catherine (INTP/ESTP)

Grillows is another ship that I regret not being Canon, since they have some serious chemistry. Both are strong Ti users, practical and analytical, but with contrasting perceiving functions. He likes theories, she likes to go out and do. This creates that kind of contrasting Holmes and Watson style duo between them, though Grissom is not always right, and Catherine tends to balance out his more theoretical and distant attitude nicely. She can make mistakes too, like being too impulsive or emotional, but it always feels like there’s good points on each side.

Pride and Prejudice: Elizabeth/Darcy (ENFP/INTJ)

One ship that me and Charity (and let’s face it, most people) share. They just work so perfectly together. Two intuitive dominants with big ideas, similarly blunt Te manners of analyzing and addressing logic, and reticent Fi that makes it hard for them to just talk about their feelings. The journey from bad first impression to happy ending is so enthralling every time. Austen definitely created a timeless winner with this one.

[the-kiwi-is-not-a-pewee]

3 of Sadie’s arcs throughout TKC - a mapping

@jurakan  I might’ve missed some things but this is as comprehansive as I could make it:

Responsibility/Parents Arc -

This arc revolves around Sadie realizing that when she has to choose between what she wants and saving millions of lives she has to accept that she has to make that sacrifice (this is different from the birthday and dance thing, because she has a third option to do both without a lot of people dying. Is there risk? Yes, more so for the former than the latter because there’s a hard deadline, but it’s not a decision she has to make on the spot like “free your dad and the world will bear the consequences” vs. “bear the consequences and millions of lives will be saved”.) It’s also intertwined with her grief over her mom and the blame she places on her dad for her death and the catharsis she gets from emotionally spilling to him at the climax of The Red Pyramid.

*Red Pyramid*

- “I was determined not to be like them, living in the past. I barely remembered Mum, after all, and nothing could change the fact that she was dead. But I did keep the one picture... But the main reason I’d kept the photo was because of the symbol on Mum’s T-shirt: one of those life symbols - an ankh. My dead mother wearing the symbol for life. Nothing could’ve been sadder”(33). Our first peek into how Sadie feels about her mother’s death. Despite her saying that she was determined to not live in the past like her grandparents, the photograph betrays that she hasn’t quite completely moved on from it. 

- “’...Young man, your father has committed a criminal act. He’s left you behind to deal with the consequences-’ ‘That’s not true!’ I snapped, my voice trembling with rage. I couldn’t believe Dad would intentionally leave us at the mercy of the police, of course. But the idea of him abandoning me - well, as I might have mentioned, that’s a bit of a sore point’”(41). Sadie says it herself here, she’s not quite over what she perceived as her dad abandoning her.

-” “I realized I was crying. I hated to, but shock and fear were starting to overwhelm me. Where did I want to go? Home, of course! Back to my flat in London—back to my own room, my grandparents, my mates at school and my old life. But I couldn’t. I had to think about my father and our mission”(236). This kinda also fits here because she’s putting the mission over what she wants: to go home.

-”’All right,” I relented. “If I had to, then I suppose...I suppose I would save the world.” Horrible guilt crushed down on me. What kind of daughter was I? I clutched the tyet amulet on my necklace—my one remembrance of Dad. I know some of you lot will be thinking: You hardly ever saw your dad. You barely knew him. Why would you care so much? But that didn’t make him any less my dad, did it? Or the thought of losing him forever any less horrible. And the thought of failing him, of willingly choosing to let him die even to save the world— what sort of awful person was I?”(392). This bit doesn’t so much imply she learned how to put the world above her personal wants, but that she already would. Not without hesitation and horrible, emotional conflict, but she’d still do it in the end. It’s more of her discovering this of herself.

-”’To die?’ I demanded. “Isis should’ve helped her. You should’ve helped her. I hate you!” As soon as I said it, something broke inside me. I started to cry. I realized I’d wanted to say that to my dad for years. I blamed him for Mum’s death, blamed him for leaving me. But now that I’d said it, all the anger drained out me, leaving me nothing but guilt... ‘To save the world, would you sacrifice your father?’ ‘I don’t want to,’ I said. ‘Please’”(471). The arc culminates here, with Sadie releasing her pent-up feelings about her mother’s death and accepting that she has to sacrifice her father, that there is no third option this time. She gets her catharsis and overcomes her reservations that were there when she first admitted to Anubis that she’d sacrifice her dad to save the world.

*Throne of Fire*

-”I simply said, “It’s a bad idea.” And yes, it felt quite strange being forced to play the responsible sibling”(216). Sadie being the responsible sibling here... ironically. Trying to stay on track, but at the same time makes the third option so Carter gets what he wants and they also get what they need, even though they’re cutting it close. This isn’t exactly the same situation as her father in a coffin as this isn’t one way or the highway, but it’s her staying on task.

Balancing Old and New Life + Where She Belongs Arc -

This particular arc is more of a slowburn because it spans all 3 books as opposed to the Responsibility/Dad Arc. Sadie grapples with trying to fit her old and new lives together because she doesn’t want to let go of her old one but her new life won’t let her go back. They both bleed into each other in different ways, thus why the balance is necessary. Her old life leaks into her new life in the form of missing her life in London, her grandparents, her friends, etc. Her new life intrudes by, well, not leaving her alone (examples: Babi and Nekhbet ambushing her in London, the deadline, Anubis and Shu showing up at the school dance). The culmination is at the end of The Serpent’s Shadow, when she summons Ma’at out of necessity instead of desperation and doesn’t die from it.

*Red Pyramid*

- “I just stared at him. I couldn’t remember any home except this flat. My mates at school, my room, everything I knew was here. ‘Where am I supposed to go?’”(43). Good establishing point for the start of this particular arc and the attachment she has to her home in London. It’s all she ever knew. 

- “I realized I was crying. I hated to, but shock and fear were starting to overwhelm me. Where did I want to go? Home, of course! Back to my flat in London—back to my own room, my grandparents, my mates at school and my old life. But I couldn’t. I had to think about my father and our mission”(236). The first point I could find where Sadie really expresses that she’s still attached to her old life and missing it is bleeding over into her new life to the point she’s getting emotional. But her new life is preventing her from going back because she and Carter have their mission and she recognizes it as more important. Most of the “missing home” moments are most frequent in the first book, and recording them would just be repeating myself. There’s some on pages 196, 400, and 432 though.

*Throne of Fire*

-”’It’s more than that.’ Emma studied my face as if I was turning into something quite frightening. ‘You seem older. More mature.’ Her voice was tinged with sadness, and I realized my mates and I were growing apart. It was as if we stood on opposite sides of a widening chasm. And I knew with gloomy certainty the breach was already too wide for me to jump back across”(118). A display of how Sadie feels she’s too far gone into her new life to return to her old life with no consequence. It’s here she realizes this, with her new life intruding with Babi and Nekhbet and later her old life having to be left behind when her friends can’t come along for the rest of the mission.

*Serpent’s Shadow*

- “She immediately understood what I needed. Together, we tried to find calm in the Chaos. I focused on the most peaceful, well-ordered moments of my life—and there weren’t many. I remembered my sixth birthday party in Los Angeles with Carter, my dad and mum—the last clear memory I had of all of us together as a family. I imagined listening to music in my room at Brooklyn House while Khufu ate Cheerios on my dresser. I imagined sitting on the terrace with my friends, having a restful breakfast as Philip of Macedonia splashed in his pool. I remembered Sunday afternoons at Gran and Gramps’s flat—Muffin on my lap, Gramps’s rugby game on the telly, and Gran’s horrible biscuits and weak tea on the table. Good times, those were. Most important, I faced down my own chaos. I accepted my jumbled emotions about whether I belonged in London or New York, whether I was a magician or a schoolgirl. I was Sadie Kane, and if I survived today, I could bloody well balance it all”(348). The culmination of the arc is right here, when Sadie finally accepts that she can balance both her lives and who she is. She can be belong both in London and New York, she can be both a schoolgirl and a magician. She can reconcile both parts of her life.

Understanding Carter Arc -

Sadie is the one who understands their sibling the least. And probably holds the most resentment over envying the other’s situation. Both of the siblings have the initial problem of not understanding each other and envying each other for different reasons, but it’s more important for Sadie to understand how much pressure Carter felt, to be strong for his dad and keep up with his expectations. Also Carter isn’t quite so hung up on Sadie getting to spend time with their grandparents, unlike Sadie with their dad.

*Red Pyramid*

- “When you only see each other twice a year, it’s like you’re distant cousins rather than siblings. We had absolutely nothing in common except our parents”(8). Establishes Carter and Sadie don’t really know each other well and thus don’t really understand each other. It’s to the point that they feel their bond is only by blood. Of course, they grow closer as the series progresses, but this is their initial starting point that they have.

- “I sighed in exasperation. ‘Poor boy, forced to travel the world, skip school, and spend time with Dad while I get a whole two days a year with him!’ ‘Hey!’ Carter turned on me with surprising force. ‘You get a home! You get friends and a normal life and don’t wake up each morning wondering what country you’re in! You don’t-’ The glass case next to us shattered, spraying glass at our feet”(133). This technically goes both ways. They both want each other’s lives and it’s a touchy subject for both of them, given how the glass shattered and things only start breaking around them when emotions are high (like the birthday cake). They both only see the pros of the other’s life and not the cons, or they don’t understand the cons.

- “After our last argument in New York, I wasn’t sure how I felt about my brother. The idea that he could be jealous of my life while he got to travel the world with Dad—please! And he had the nerve to call my life normal? All right, I had a few mates at school like Liz and Emma, but my life was hardly easy. If Carter made a social faux pas or met people he didn’t like, he could just move on! I had to stay put. I couldn’t answer simple questions like “Where are your parents?” or “What does your family do?” or even “Where are you from?” without exposing just how odd my situation was. I was always the different girl. The mixed-race girl, the American who wasn’t American, the girl whose mother had died, the girl with the absent father, the girl who made trouble in class, the girl who couldn’t concentrate on her lessons. After a while one learns that blending in simply doesn’t work. If people are going to single me out, I might as well give them something to stare at. Red stripes in my hair? Why not! Combat boots with the school uniform? Absolutely. Headmaster says, “I’ll have to call your parents, young lady.” I say, “Good luck.” Carter didn’t know anything about my life”(170). A display of how Sadie is clearly more hung-up on this than Carter is, considering he doesn’t have an internal rant like she does or even linger on it long. For Sadie, it’s clearly a far more touchy subject but nowhere in here does she consider why Carter wants her life or what he said before the glass shattered. She’s starting to understand him on a surface level as they bond better, but understanding him on a deeper level is not something she’s nailed yet as this shows. 

-”Carter had spoken about Dad as if their travels together had been a great thing, yes, but also quite a chore, with Carter always struggling to please and be on his best behavior, with no one to relax with, or talk to. Dad was, I had to admit, quite a presence. You’d be hard-pressed not to want his approval. (No doubt that’s where I get my own stunningly charismatic personality.) I saw him only twice a year, and even so I had to prepare myself mentally for the experience. For the first time, I began to wonder if Carter really had the better end of the bargain. Would I trade my life for his?”(278) This is when Sadie admits that she’s doubting her previous assertion about how great Carter’s life must’ve been. She begins to understand why Carter wanted her life and how it affected him to be with their dad all the time. It’s a very significant step in understanding him.

*Throne of Fire*

-”And yes, I know that was wrong —but I’d just been inside Carter’s head. I now understood how important Zia was to him. I knew how badly any information about her would rattle him...  One of his darker secrets? Deep down, Carter still resented our father for failing to save our mum, even though she had died for a noble cause, and even though it was her choice to sacrifice herself. Carter simply could not fail Zia in the same way, no matter what the stakes. He needed someone to believe in him, someone to save—and he was convinced Zia was that person. Sorry, a little sister just wouldn’t do”(215). Sadie understands why Zia is so important to Carter, a direct contrast to when he saw her off on her birthday, when he didn’t quite understand why Sadie was so insistent on taking a break. But of course, that doesn’t mean there isn’t some resentment in either situation.

*Serpent’s Shadow*

-”A year ago, even six months ago, the idea of my brother’s being given that kind of responsibility would’ve horrified me as well...  When I had learned his secret name, I’d seen one very clear trait woven into his character: leadership”(327-328). Here Sadie learning Carter’s secret name circles back to her supporting him for a role he doesn’t feel ready for. She almost understands him better than he does himself, and while she does abuse it for some slapstick occasionally, she helps him step up to the role.

[wonwoosthetic]

Hellouuuu! What’s poppin? I was just wondering what kind of upcoming imagines you have coming?

Right away, that was the funniest greeting I’ve ever read ;)Hope, there’s something you can get excited about!

I wrote small, little summaries about each request, I hope that’s OK :)

Jake Gyllenhaal: A second part of Double Sided Jealousy

Luca Changretta: The reader is pregnant and gets abducted.

Loki Laufeyson: The reader went through a lot (like the twins) and nobody really trusts her, therefore she’s kinda depressed and Loki tries to befriend her because he knows exactly what it feels like. He had Thor as a trust person, so he wants to be that person for the reader and they become friends, end up dating and the team starts trusting her sort of.

Jensen Ackles: An imagine base on the song “Wanna Be” by Betty Who. Everyone ships the reader and Jensen, but he’s dating someone else, but they still love each other.

Harley Quinn: The reader and Harley met in Arkham, while both of them where psychiatrists there until Harley met the Joker. They don’t see each other for years, but after an extremely bad beating from the Joker, Harley finds the reader again. She’s hesitant to let her back at first but eventually gives in.

Cillian Murphy: The reader and Cillian have quite a big age gap and he gets insecure about it.

Thor Odinson: Thor and the reader used to date, so Odin makes him marry her, but they ended up as friends because Thor’s still in love with Jane. He acts really cold around the reader, but she still loves him and confronts him, but he doesn’t know what to say, so she gives up trying and is now the distant one. The god realizes how much he misses her and it ends with a happy ending.

Jake Gyllenhaal: I got some comments on A Cousin Rivalry about doing a second part.

Jake Gyllenhaal: A second part of Hatred Taking A Turn was also requested in the comments.

Adrien Brody: The reader and he have a big age gap (twenty years). He showers her with presents because he’s really insecure about it, but lately, he hasn’t been there for her emotionally, ever since people started talking about them badly. The reader is lonely and upset, so Adrien tries to fix with even more presents but it’s not working.

Finn Cole: His girlfriend (a fellow celebrity) is pregnant and shares the big news with him.

Thomas Brodie-Sangster: A ‘Dating ... Would Include...”

Henry Cavill: The reader is dating Henry and it’s all new for them, even though, they have been friends for a long time, but he’s so in love with her.

Chris Evans: He and the reader are engaged. They start doing a live stream while driving, answering questions and stuff. A question about Chris’ co-star comes up and how she looks like she’s too close to Chris in some pictures. In reality, she’s terrible behind the scenes and incredibly rude to the reader. Yet, Chris doesn’t seem to notice, which turns into a huge argument during the live stream because he thinks the reader doesn’t trust him. In the end, they work it out and the fans aren’t surprised by the argument, just love it how they worked it out so well.

Jake Gyllenhaal: He introduces the reader to his family for the first time ever. Jake’s incredibly nervous because he wants his mum and sister to like her. It ends up going well and everyone likes her.

Just as a side note: I probably won’t upload them in the same order, I hope that’s OK. It’s just, that some imagines take a lot longer than others :)

!! If anyone who sent their request sees this, and their request is not on this list, please do not hesitate to send it again. I don’t know why, but I’ve noticed that some of my inbox messages just get deleted :( !!

I hope this was OK and thank you for asking :)

[thesummerstorms]

What kind of relationships do you think Etain has with the various nulls?

Ordo: 

Ordo & Etain’s relationship starts out really rough, to say the least, but you can see some turn around by the beginning of  Order 66 and definitely by the not-canon-ending where he tries to revive her and then sobs at her funeral. I want to say that they eventually actually end up pretty close friends. Gena has said before that she thinks Ordo actually ends up closer to Etain than Darman, and I kinda love that (especially the irony). 

I do think they squabble. They root for opposite sports teams, and Ordo’s type A while Etain’s definitely not so they drive each other crazy sometimes. Sometimes they inadvertently offend one another or are a little too honest. But It’s a good friendship. They’re supportive and honest and unreasonably loyal and gossipy. Etain has probably threatened to beat someone up for Ordo as if he wasn’t a super soldier twice her size. Etain also probably kept sending him letters when he went incommunicado for mental health reasons, not to pressure him, but just because she still loved and was thinking of him.

I like to think that, even though they aren’t living in the same place, Ordo and Etain try to raise their daughters to be at least somewhat close? Mirja and Koa are only two years apart, the same age difference as between me and my cousin, who I was super close to growing up, but I haven’t really discussed it with Gena.

Anyway, tl:dr Ordo and Etain go from “constantly in disagreement” to “probably still in disagreement, but in a loving sibling kind of way, absolutely have each other’s backs”.

A’den: 

So I feel like Etain has a decent respect for A’den long before she meets him just because she and Dar write letters constantly and Darman respects A’den. (She may or may not ask after him while Dar is stationed on Gaftikar, out of principle, after she asks after Dar and the rest of the squad.) 

I don’t feel like they probably meet until after Order 66, and Etain is not exactly at her best just then- but there’s still probably mutual respect there. A’den is, by all accounts, a man who smiles a lot, loves food, and has a sense of humor, and I think Etain would appreciate that about him when they interact, and A’den has likely heard good things from Mereel and Ordo- but Etain is at a place where it’s hard for her to bond very deeply with him. Then it’s more or less one thing after the other until Mereel dies and she and Dar flee.

More than likely, I think they become actual friends more after Mereel comes back from the dead. Mereel shows up at the safehouse he left Dar and Etain in pretty miserable shape, and of course as soon as the Nulls know, they immediately converge. Since Ordo’s travelling with an infant, A’den might actually be the first to show up? (Probably startling the hell out of poor, sleep-deprived Darman who sees him in the kitchen at 1 am and just blinks a few times before…. “Sarge?”) He and Etain start talking a little more after Dar and he bond over foodie stuff, and they stay friendly, even if she’s not as close to him as Mereel or Ordo.

At some point much later they probably have to haul Mereel out of some situation (or Mereel hauls them into a situation idk), and find they actually work well as a team for short durations.

Jaing

Everyone makes a point of “don’t tell Etain about the gloves”, but let’s be real guys. She knows. The emotions in the Force don’t lie, and she knew Ko Sai as well, which makes the impression stronger.

Jaing is easily the Null Etain is weariest of. It’s hard because she’s instinctively someone who reads emotional undercurrents, and while she feels threads of violence and anger in all the Nulls, Jaing wears his against his skin as trophies.

I don’t think she ever confronts him about it, even when it unsettles her.

He;s still family. She’s tortured people before and there’s no one in the family (except maybe the children) who aren’t capable of some terrible things. She appreciates the way he looked after Fi, or what she saw of it for those few days on Mandalore before she went into labor. He’s capable, and she respects that the same way she does for all of them. 

But at the same time, I think Jaing will always be the one she holds herself the most emotionally distant from. She would absolutely go after him on a rescue op if needed, out of shared bonds to other family and loyalty and duty, but they’re never gonna be close buddies.

Prudii

The mun forgot Prudii existed again, whoops.

Coughs, and links you to this post. And this post. Which have Etain: !!!!!!!!!!

I honestly don’t as many particular headcanons for Prudii at the moment. Etain pretty much auto-extends the same loyalty to him before she even meets him by virtue of his being first Dar and then Ordo and Mereel’s brother. I very much feel like she has hung over a staircase banister throwing pebbles at him at some point, but I can’t justify that?

Someone with a more developed sense of Prudii as a character is free to propose things, but I was rereading his scenes and nothing ..really..stuck?

I’m so sorry Prudii; I am failing you.

Komr’k

So I feel like initially Etain starts out a little off balance around Kom’rk. They’re the Null who, other than Prudii sorry Prudii, she probably knows the least about, and they don’t meet until after Etain’s death experience. Kom’rk has this weird balance of weary aloofness and bluntness going on, and I think that keeps Etain a little distant at first. She can match them for bluntness at least some of the time, but aloofness is harder for her to deal with. 

She grew up in the Temple, she has a mask she built for distancing herself from attachment to the people around her, and she retreats back into it at first, her emotional state at the time not helping matters any. (Possibly Kom’rk thinks her either cold or in shock at first.) But at her core she’s someone who wants desperately to be emotive and touchy-feely and reach out to everyone.

Eventually when they’re less weary of each other and Kom’rk’s more social side comes out a little, things relax between the two of them. I feel like while Etain is still in recovery, Kom’rk would be one who would pick up on her ambiguous feelings re: Kal, especially given their similar (if for different reasons) feelings and absolute willingness to call a spade a spade, and perhaps that ends up being an eventual basis of support for the two of them?

I want to say they end up having occasional lunches when their different travels have them in the same side of the galaxy, and since Kom’rk seems to be into some of the same social scenes as Mereel, maybe some occasional sight-seeing? But idk.

Mereel

Oh gosh. This is gonna be long, isn’t it? I tried to bookend with the most developed relationships, but… Listen, Etain loves Mereel. 

I think she probably wanted to try and steal the CipQuad from him on Trip Zip, but they don’t really get to know each other well until she’s pregnant and isolated and terrified on Mandalore. At which point Mereel shows her both massive kindness and genuine respect for her ability and competence, both of which Etain is practically starving for at that point. There are very few people who genuinely give a damn about her, not as a Jedi or because she’s carrying a clone’s baby but as herself.

She’s not used to being cared for. 

 He sees her when she’s incredibly vulnerable and gives her both some compassion and a sense of control/purpose back, and it pretty much cements a friendship from her end. We don’t know what all went on during their two months together, but obviously Mereel also felt close to Etain because he lets himself show an incredible amount of vulnerability back to her rather than laughing or playing it off as a joke like he does literally anywhere else.

I think they stay really close. When Etain needs reassurance post-death and Dar is still stranded on Coruscant, Mereel’s the one she trusts enough to be open with. I think they’re pretty casually affectionate with one another, and she worries about him, particularly after Kal destroys the cure and he goes off alone. (For good reason, as it turns out.) Mereel, of all people, actually gives her spiritual guidance that results in her seeking out Tarre and Ranah, pretty much instantly lands on her “unbelievably lengthy letters” sending list with out even any surprise from Ordo, is a fabulous Uncle to her kids. She trusts him in a way she doesn’t trust many people other than Dar. Perhaps goes to him for advice on occasion, though she also tries to give him advice she knows he’ll never follow.

(I also… I really ship Etain/Mereel? It started as a crack ship and then I started thinking about it too much and… oh no. It’s definitely a poly arrangement, though idk about actual Mereel/Etain/Darman. I’m not even sure how canon this is to me now bc it got all invested in my feelings and my brain betrayed me. But in whatever verse or AU it does happen it starts with a mix of closeness/vulnerability and guilty ust, and then after years of a strong friendship between them, develops into something open, less a demand or formal arrangement than their trust/care finding another avenue of expression. Possibly after Mereel dies bc the timing would be sketchy otherwise. Or ,again, in a different verse? Idk. Stupid overly invested crack ship.)

[unapologeticallybella]

The Tower

   The Tower card upright in most tarot readings is one that most people probably would like to avoid, you pull the tower in a reading and it’s kinda like “oh fuck.” In most tarot decks, this card is depicted with lightning setting ablaze to Tower causing obvious chaos and destruction. In the Rider Waite deck, you’ll see people leaping from the windows to escape the turmoil. I mean, that’s technically jumping to your death, which just goes to show how shitty that burning tower must be. If you want to be positive, it could be interpreted as a death to old ways that no longer serve you which is meant to be replaced with better things to take its place. But let’s be honest, if you Google the Tower card the three main words that pop up are Sudden Upheaval, Broken Pride, oh and my favorite, Disaster. We all have tower moments in our lives; they’re inevitable, which is definitely a hard pill to swallow if you’re a control freak like me. I am no stranger to tower moments, my whole life has been a steady pattern of doing okay, then; Bam here’s that disaster you were waiting for. Followed by a period of clean up after destruction and then attempting to create a somewhat stable foundation and rebuild all over again. And yes, it’s just as exhausting as it sounds. 

   On April 1st 2019, I had the mother of all tower moments; my two-and-a-half year relationship ended. Before I get into this, April fools was probably the worst day to get dumped because literally everyone around me thought I was kidding. Like I said, if this was a sitcom, the writers are doing an amazing job this season. When relationships end, typically you see it coming. You can feel someone being distant and cold; It comes to a point where you feel alone even though there’s a person right next to you. Normally, this is something that builds up for weeks and you can feel the love between you and this other person fading for some time before anything actually happens. This was not that. Looking back now, it freaks me out to think how quickly my entire life changed all within thirty minutes; that was all it took to end it all, literally the length of an episode of the Office. Even creepier, only one person cried (hint: it was me.)

   I want to preface all this by saying that I was under the impression that this relationship was “it.” I went into this relationship completely guarded, my ideas about men and their intentions were not positive ones. There were so many reasons for me to argue against ever feeling so strongly about someone; I have always been so inherently distrustful of commitments. I learned early in life that nothing is guaranteed, people’s feelings change, circumstances change, things just change. The concept of people getting married was absolutely wild to me. Aren’t you just scared for your life every day that everything could just change overnight? I made it very clear from day one that I was a skeptic. I mean look around there are so many people on this planet;How could someone possibly just want to pick one person? How could you even know that you met the person you could (happily) spend the rest of your life with? To which his answer was always, “when you know you just know.” Early in our relationship he made it clear that he was more than sure that it was me; I was it for him, period. This man reassured me day after day for roughly 950 continuous days, that I had no reason to be scared. “Why do you always feel like I’m going to pull the rug out from under you?” He made me feel stupid for thinking this had a chance of not working out so after a while that’s what I began to believe. Being able to look at other relationships fall apart and say with certainty, “That just would never be us.” is so powerful. It's cocky as fuck, but that’s what he made me believe. How he managed to turn the most skeptical sinister person into the most trusting believer, I’ll never understand. 

   Pinpointing where everything switched is tricky. We went on a dinner cruise the week prior; he paid for us to go to a baseball game a few days before and we worked together the day before; He brought me my coffee like normal. He annoyed me at work and when he had to leave to his other job; I refused to kiss him goodbye. I just wanted him to apologize and I would have hugged him, everything would have been fine but he never did. He left in a hurry, he said something like, “Bella, I just don’t have time for this today.” To put things into perspective, he was the type of person who couldn’t handle the feeling of someone being upset with him. One thing we said we’d never do is go to bed angry at each other. To the point where this kid would drive to my house after a seven hour closing shift at two in the morning just to say “sorry” and make sure I wasn’t upset before going to bed. I always admired him for that, he was big on keeping peace between us and for the longest time I always said it was those things about him that made our relationship so strong. I’ve always had this overwhelming fear that the people I love could die in a freak accident so for those reasons he always let me know when he made it to work or home safe. This was the first day he didn’t let me know he got to work. Eventually it was two in the morning and for the first time in two-and-a-half years I didn’t get a call to let me know he made it home. 

   I argued with him that night about how I felt like he was being distant during a time where I needed support. Here’s some backstory, my cousin had died early that week from a heart attack at twenty-three which didn’t really help my fears of people around me dying of freak accidents. So I was a tad bit emotionally drained and also anxious as fuck. Maybe I should have waited and let him get some sleep. I could’ve brought it up the next morning over breakfast; Mondays are our days anyway, I could have just waited. Morning came, this was the first time in the history of us that I didn’t get a “Good morning, baby. I’ll be there in a few hours.” I guess that’s when I felt it, that everything was about to change; that tower was definitely on the horizon. I got ready and did my makeup like normal;We were supposed to go look at cars and see a movie. I got a text letting me know he was ten minutes away. I said I wasn’t ready. He said it was okay. When he walked through my door, my Apple watch said my heart rate was at 145. His eyes looked vacant, emotionless, and just not himself. He was never someone I’d call cold, but he never did show much emotion. I knew when things hurt him; I’ve always been good at reading his emotions even when he tries to hide them, but this time I saw nothing. “I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship and I just don’t see this working out, you’re never happy and I don’t know what else to do.” Right off the bat, that is what he led with. I sat there and explained to this man how all I ever wanted was just to feel supported a fraction of the way I supported him. I tried so hard to convince him I was happy, this could be worked out, that I was just struggling; I asked him to be there for me and the answer was no. It became very clear to me after watching him try to answer my questions about his feelings that he just checked out. One thing I promised myself the first time someone broke my heart was that I would never again ask someone to love me and I sure as hell would never beg for someone to stay. So I told him to get out of my house, obviously a little harsher than that but you get it.

   He asked if he would still see me on Sunday (at the job; I convinced my parents to give him at my family’s restaurant) and I about flipped my room upside down. This kid just pulled the mother-fucking rug out from under me the way he said he would never and he wants to still work with me on Sunday. No sir, you don't get to continue to benefit from all the things I added to your life while simultaneously cutting me out of your life. I swear to God at that point I was like “Shit, maybe this is an April Fools joke.” The worst part is that it was all his doing; he spent everyday convincing me that this was it and I didn’t have to worry anymore. And I believed it. I would have stood by this man through anything, I would have given my life for someone who turns out would never have done the same; talk about a slap in the face, right? He stripped me of any peace of mind, peace of mind that I had worked so hard to have, in a matter of minutes. I was finally safe and at home. I felt for the first time in my life I could breathe like I didn’t have to worry about everything changing. I genuinely believed with my whole heart; Every part of me believed this was my person. I watched him say everything so effortlessly, he didn’t struggle at all watching me break in front of him. Not one fucking tear was shed for me. I swear there were moments where he tried not to smile. It almost makes you sick, well no, it definitely does make you sick. 

   So I said a few things to him that maybe I shouldn’t have, I was just so angry; more at myself for allowing someone to do this to me but nonetheless still angry as hell. “You should see a therapist” to which he agreed. I mean, I guess I’m glad we’re on the same page? When you watch a person you love completely morph into a different human right before your eyes, you tend to just word vomit. I said what I could to wake him up, but he never did. I told him to leave, so he did and never looked back. Less than thirty minutes, that’s all I got. I poured my entire soul and all of my energy into this person, years of my life I’ll never get back. Only to be proven right, it’s like every fear that I had that he laid to rest was now wide awake and pounding on my door. That was six months ago; I never heard from him again. He disappeared, poof, gone like the wind baby. I reached out three times. Once to say, “I miss you.” Second time, I showed up outside his house because everyone convinced me that was a good idea, turns out life is quite different from romantic comedies. I called him to let him know I was outside; I just wanted to say sorry for the things I said. To be honest, I think about dying all the time and what my last conversations will be with other people (callback to my irrational fear of everyone around me dying). It crushed me to think if anything happened to either of us, our last moment together was what it was. He never came outside. Last time I reached out was at the end of April for his birthday, I told him I loved him and how I wanted him to have a beautiful day. And that was that, I never reached out again. Like I said, I’m a firm believer in not asking others to love you, so I left it. 

   I never got any answers, I never got a fair goodbye, to be frank I never got what I deserved. These past six months have been me finding peace with that. Most of you would be shocked to learn that I actually have never looked up his name once on any social media. I don’t want to see anything; I have personally asked everyone around me to keep everything they know far away from me. I know there are things I don’t know; I know it would change the way I remember him and the time we had; I know that I would probably not be as friendly writing about him if I knew what’s out there and I have found peace with that. I don’t need to know the extent to how badly I was deceived nor do I want to. I’m the kind of person who likes to twist the knife in their wounds, fuck I’ll throw a little salt and lime on there too while I’m at it. This is the first time in my life that I stopped it before I even had the chance, some wounds are too big and I just don’t have the energy in me to make them bigger. Surrendering control for the first time in my life has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but that’s what Tower moments are for. They’re meant to change everything for the better even if that means you go through absolute disaster; it’s the start of a whole new you. I lost my best friend that day; I lost my partner, every future memory I envisioned with him by my side, every plan I ever had was snatched right from under me with no explanation. I lost my routines, my comfort, my stability; everything I counted on to be there was long gone. God, I fucking hate change and it scares the shit out of me. There’s a kind of peace in having someone who knows you like no one else; I think losing that peace was the hardest part. I didn’t deserve a single fucking thing that was done to me; there’s nothing I could have done to prepare for that pain, I just had to go through it to get where I am now. 

   I drive over a bridge every day, multiple times a day to get home. That bridge is about 200 feet tall; I’ve crossed this bridge over a thousand times throughout my life and every single time I think about it collapsing. What would I do? What if I jump out and try running super fast, maybe I’ll make it to the end? Or my favorite; jumping on top of the roof of my car and try to ride down the fall, kind of like surfing a wave. I’ve never surfed in my life and I’m also a shitty runner. So no, there’s nothing I can do to prepare for that fall. Chances are, I’ll die if that bridge collapses. This Tower moment showed me you can’t run and you can’t prepare for things like this. You’ve gotta just make peace with the fall and pray there’s a soft landing and if there’s not hopefully, you’ll recover from all the broken bones, eventually. And if you die, well that sucks. But this fall didn’t kill me and that’s all that matters.

[controversy-themind]

Thoughts on Scum’s Wish (Kuzu no Honkai)

Firstly, some people need to get off their high horse and stop acting like everyone in the anime is so ‘evil’ and ‘disgusting’

One of the things I enjoy most about this anime is how ‘human’ most of the characters feel. These are characters struggling with emotions that happen every day in society. Nobody in this world is pure and free of problematic thoughts, actions and/or behaviors.

Not to say you’d come across a giant cluster-fuck like this very often. But still, there are people out here experiences these emotions. If you can’t handle it, and feel the anime’s nature of relationships doesn’t suit your  ‘tastes’, then kindly move on and go watch some generic shit. There’s plenty of material out there.

Now what I really came here for:

I just finished episode 10 and swimming through the Kuzu no Honkai tag, from what I’m seeing opinions on the characters are divided pretty well. It’s good when an anime does that; it shows that the character aren’t flat and are being projected realistically.

So I thought I’d contribute some of my own thoughts on the characters so far. Starting from my most favorite to least favorite: 

#1 Yasuraoka Hanabi I still don't understand why, but this is my favorite character. I think it's mostly because I can identify with some of the thoughts that come to her mind when she encounters something emotionally challenging. I love that she is headstrong, yet fragile. Stubborn, yet meek. And that although she does make bad choices, she is highly introspective when faced with any issues she comes across. As much as I thought her and Sanae would make a cute couple, I want her to end up with Mugi. They are becoming distant, but I think her and Mugi feed off of each other in a way that is uniquely their own.

Now for the unpopular guy himself: #2 Awaya Mugi. 

The pervert in me finds how he takes control in many situations pretty sexy. I enjoy that, but I also enjoy the shyness that comes with it. For someone who pretends to hold all the cards when Hanabi or Noriko is around, his resolve is actually pretty weak. I think what he did to Noriko was pretty shitty, but I'm happy he didn't go through with it cause that girl would have taken the D in a heartbeat. Rather than seeing him as scum, he just reminds me of young boy unsure of how to deal with the abundance of emotions: love and lust. Now I don't like Akane, but I am happy he is finally getting his turn with her (just like the rest of the men in the area lol). He expects her to change for him, which is very flawed, but in some angst-filled way at least he will have the memories when (if) things don’t work out. I feel like what he is experiencing is not love but infatuation. And with infatuation, sometimes you just gotta ride it out.

#3 Ebato Sanae Bless this girl's heart. She has got to be one of the most honest (notice i said 'most') people in this entire anime. I could give 0 fucks if she came on to Hanabi too strong at some points; I like her a lot. I like her passion, how she was willing to destroy herself just to be able to touch Hanabi, and frankly I think her love is the most intense in the entire show. I especially love her character design; they didn't make her take the ‘masculine’ role or anything, and I appreciate that.

I like her cousin too, but I would prefer they don't end up together. Their dynamic is weird; it feels like it has no room for romantic cultivation. It hasn't blatantly been stated that she likes only girls, but if she is in fact a lesbian, I wish for her to end up with another girl. She has so much love to offer, and I hope things go well for her.

Kanai Narumi This man is soooooo boring. I admit it, but from what I've seen he has a really big heart. He is honestly the purest character in the show. So much that I’m waiting for the creators to reveal that hidden bdsm kink. 

lol But anyways, the episode where he held Hanabi tight after she confessed made me transition from ‘not caring’ to actually ‘liking’ him. He's a good guy, and shot me in the foot if you want, but I really hope he can change Akane. I like him so much that I want him to be with the women he loves. I want her to change for him. It's contradicting as fuck (with Mugi and all), but part of me would be okay if things happen that way. Man, he deserves waaay better but you cant stop people from loving who they love that easily. so we'll see what happens.

Kirishima Atsuya I see sooo many people shitting on him cause he likes Sanae. It’s really uncalled for. I mean really? How much damage has he actually done compared to everyone else in the show? The hate is so biased and unnecessary. Kinda like how fujoshi's harbor unnecessary hate when a female character shows up in a yaoi/shounen ai anime. 

I like how he told Hanabi to high-key stop stringing Sanae along. Even if the reasoning was selfish, it was bold, and I admire it. 

Now, I still don't want him to be with Sanae. He may like her alot, but his character is a bit ditsy and dull, so his ‘love’ isn't projected very well in the series. Honestly, it’s so weakly projected that though I like him, I'm not too invested in his ending.

Kamomebata Noriko Loli-esque Princess types are my pet peeve. So I probably wouldn't have liked Noriko no matter how she was introduced. BUT, after episode 10 I feel like I kinda do like some things about her. I think she handled the date with Mugi pretty well considering he was a boring fuck the entire time. And (so far) I think she is on the road to healing faster than everyone else. And I do hope she heals and actually finds a guy worthy of being called her Prince.

I try to find more reasons not to like this girl, but admittedly she's just in love like everyone else. Her pestering and whinny voice may get on my nerves, but that’s just her personality.

Minagawa Akane Introducing, the fabulous floozy, the treacherous tramp, and almighty harlot herself. Akane-sensei. Now, there are so many women like her in the real world. If she were just a slut I'd be A-okay cause she can fuck anyone she wants, but to actually take pleasure in taking the man, love-interest, or crush of another woman?While simultaneously being uninterested in the men themselves? Not their money, looks, dick size, or influence..That is some crazy off the wall shit. 

Most of the series I've disliked her and now I am asking the creators what makes her worthy of both Narumi AND Mugi's affection? Absolutely nothing. She honestly deserves to continue her vicious cycle until her beauty fades and she ends up alone.

But. Also.

Part of me, say the part that feels people can change their ways, hopes she genuinely changes. I hope something bad happens that makes this change occur, but I don’t think that's gonna happen. So, i guess something good wouldn't be bad IF SHE INFACT CHANGES. Honestly I cannot stand her, but as mentioned before, I want Narumi to have what he wants, so she better change for him or she gotta go.

And this is the end. I look forward to reading more of what this fandom thinks about all the characters in this anime.