#but just wanted to get it out

[wannaeatramyeon]

Johan/Mira/Zack Reunion

Inspired by @mymxnfgh and @the-razy-pie-rope. Haven't been able to stop thinking about this scene and my own HC. Not sure if I've quite hit the right tone but this has been in my head constantly. Wishful thinking that PTJ isn't going to drag this out for a hundred more chapters...

Johan is rescued and recuperating in hospital

.

.

Johan finds himself waking up to blinding lights and deafening beeps.

Was he still trapped in the nightmare with the Workers? Kept half alive, stuck in the hellish limbo between life and death?

Regrets usually overwhelm his moments of semi-consciousness. Leaving his mother behind, to suffer on her own. Leaving Eden and Miro, thinking their master has abandoned them. Leaving Zack and Mira, treading this path of solitude.

Half thoughts would form and disappear before he could fully grasp on to them. But the loneliness and sadness he recalls clearly, could recall clearly for years.

Even as he now tries to open his eyes, they remain unfocused. He lifts his hands to rub at them, and can't relish the freedom that he is no longer strapped down. His brain too cloudy and hazy, not yet processing anything in the present.

"Johan?" a female voice calls out to him, one that he used to so fondly think of. Alas, just another trick of the mad scientist's drugs.

"I'll go get the doctor," A chair scrapes and he remembers self-assured footsteps that used to sound like that too.

Johan goes back under.

.

.

.

Hushed voices awaken him.

This time, Johan manages to see the outline of his two friends by the end of his bed. Another hallucination? They don't really look anything like how he sees them in his mind's eye.

Mira is older, her hair longer. Bags hang heavy under her eyes, and her face blotchy and tear-stained. Like she hasn't been at peace for days, maybe weeks.

And that's Zack? His hair is dishevelled, like he ran his hands one too many times through it. This Zack has seen better days, his clothes are rumpled and wrinkled. And he now wears so many more visible scars than Johan remembers.

Mira is the one that first notices Johan's confused and conscious eyes.

"Fuck. Zack, I'll go-" and she sprints out.

"Johan?" Zack looks towards the bed and approaches cautiously, as if any sudden movement could break the moment, the realisation that Johan is okay. A little- a lot worse for wear, but fine. Alive.

"What-" Johan starts to cough, his throat croaky and words feeling unfamiiar.

Zack rushes to help him sit up, pressing a plastic cup of water into his hand. Johan gulps it down.

"Johan..." Zack takes the cup back and just holds it. Staring at him, never looking away. Watching him as if he might flee any moment despite his condition.

"What happened?"Johan tries, his voice rough and quiet.

"Johan..." Zack repeats again, ignoring the question. A thousand emotions fly through his eyes and he crushes the cup in his hand. He bites his lip to stop the tremble and the burning and the hurt spilling out but it doesn't work.

"Johan, Johan..." he murmurs, like a prayer. Like a prayer that's been whispered in the dead of night thousands of time before and has finally been answered. His voice thick with emotion, eyes wet and glistening. He drops the cup and both hands grasp onto Johan's arm instead.

Holding him steady, holding him so he would never leave again.

"You idiot, you fucking idiot," Zack stares down incredulously at the connection he's made, skin to skin, that he wouldn't sure if he would ever make again. The tears now falling thick and fast.

"How could you do this to us? How could you just leave us? And try to do this all your own? You just left us."

Zack's grip tightens. He feels the burning in his chest, but this time like his heart is breaking.

"Do you know how hard I've fought to find you? Do you know how worried Mira has been? Do you know how much your mom asks about you?"

His clamp now turning painful, but Johan couldn't bring himself to shake him off.

"Everytime I got close to you, you ran away. I've looked everywhere for you. I've gotten so much fucking stronger for you."

Johan avoids his eyes, cheeks burning with shame and remorse.

"If anything happened to you... we, I-," Zack leans forward, resting his head on Johan's shoulder, the tears soaking through the hospital shirt, "How could you leave me to explain this to your mom? This would have killed her. This would have killed all of us. And I would have to tell them..."

A pause.

"...If not today then someday. That their son and best friend is dead." Zack whispers, looking at him. Sadness and fury shining in his eyes.

Dead? Sure,Johan's toed the line between reckless and stupidity a few times but that wouldn't have happened, right? He's invincible. Almost. Sometimes. Maybe not at all.

"I hate you so much, you fucking asshole,"

Johan sits unmoving, all of Zack's words rattling in his brain, trying to defy his years of selfish, childish logic.

Why would these people still care about him when he had abandoned them? He had done nothing to deserve them. To earn their friendship or love. Every move he made he pushed them further away.

"I can't believe you. You fucking asshole," Zack wraps himself around Johan, ignoring any of his pain or discomfort or wires. The need to be close and stay close too great.

"I..." Johan turns over the thoughts and memories in his brain. Everything over the last few years, all that time trapped in the basement and trapped in his own head.

The words are lodged in his throat.

"I..." Johan tries again. This time his nostrils sting and his eyes burn, "Zack... I," All those years of foolishness and where has it gotten him? Gun didn't want him, God Dog didn't want him, he didn't cure his mother's eyes and his own has just gotten worse. Fuck.

The lump in his throat becomes too big to swallow, and the tears too heavy to blink back.

If he had stayed exactly where he was, would he have been any worse off? Would he have been able to stay by his mother's side, and with Zack and Mira instead of wasting all that time for nothing?

He's hurt everyone around him, thinking he was doing the right thing.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Johan finally manages. The grief finally pouring out. His nose runs and his eyes stream but he could do nothing to stop it

"Zack, I should have-" he hiccups. The words and apology form but saying them fully, manifesting them into existence would be a pain Johan didn't know if he could bear yet. "I didn't-"

"Shut up," Zack cuts him off and just grabs onto him impossibly tighter as Johan's hands cling to whatever fabric or skin he can find.

He's missed this feeling. Comfort, security, friendship. Like he's got someone in his corner. Like he has a home.

Johan finds another weight bearing down on his other side. He turns to see Mira embracing him.

"M-Mira?"

She looks at him, the same heartache and distress reflected on her face as Zack's. As if they blame themselves for not being able to hold on to him, to stop him going down the wrong path.

"I've missed you so much," her tears fall freely, running down the well-worn tracks where they have been falling constantly for the last few days.

Her warmth and presence envelopes and grounds him. Mira's scent, so familiar, as if it was yesterday all of them were in middle school together.

"I'm sorry," he whimpers into her hair.

Mira immediately moves away, and her face has never been so furious, "Don't."

"This... this is our fault." she sits up straight and clenches her hands, white knuckled with anger, "I'm sorry that we couldn't support you,"

Mira's tears are hot and bitter, "I'm sorry that we made you feel like you couldn't trust us, and we couldn't help you. I'm sorry that we couldn't and haven't done more. For all the pain you've been through. And that, that you were all alone."

No no no, this was all wrong. Anger directed at him, Johan could take, but Mira blaming themselves isn't right. They've always tried to look after him. This whole mess has nothing to do with them.

"I-" Johan begins, not sure where he's going with his words, just anything to make this terrible situation better.

"Johan," Mira's voice is firm, her face determined, "we will do whatever we can to help. I promise. Just please don't-" a wobble. "don't leave again."

He's the same loser from years ago, still depending on his friends. Still needing them on his side. And the fact that they would do so willingly?

What choice does Johan have? He nods.

"Say it you bastard, promise us," Zack pipes up from the other side, his voice holding an impossible amount of hope.

"I-I promise,"

"Promise you won't leave us again, you fuck."

"I-," Words are cheap, Johan could really say anything he wants and renign on it. But finally. Here, after everything. This he intends to keep.

"I promise I won't leave again."

[cowboysmp3]

there’s something sooo sickening about how dunmeshis whole energy is like sometimes something terrible and awful happens to you and it changes you forever and nothing can make you the person you were before but there’s still love and there’s still sharing a meal together and there’s still living

[perrieedwards]

i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.

there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.

a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.

please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks

[blessyouhawkeye]

i love that every time magneto loses his helmet in the x men movies he immediately starts going charles you could make me do ANYTHING YOU WANTED right now......... i'd be POWERLESS TO STOP YOU........ you could GET IN MY MIND and HAVE ME AT YOUR MERCY..... i think a lot of their problems could have been solved if charles just took him up on what was a very blatant proposition

[wanologic]

sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool

[zanmor]

We are well beyond canary in the coalmine warning levels with the way trans people and particularly trans women are treated on this site.

Maybe you've heard the metaphor of allowing wolves and sheep to share the same space, welcoming everyone. You end up with just wolves because allowing them in that space makes it unsafe for any sheep. Or the story about how a nazi goes into a dive bar and is refused service. The bartender then explains to someone else at the bar that if you serve them once they tell their friends and before you know it you're the nazi bar they all go to and normal customers don't feel safe.

Terfs and other bigots are seeing these targeted harassment campaigns succeed against trans women and rejoicing. They see Tumblr ban them and officially stand by those decisions as endorsement for their harassment. It's a sign to bigots across the internet that Tumblr is a good place for them.

And what's more is that a lot of us probably don't realize just how much trans women contribute to Tumblr. The women banned recently were sources of site-wide memes and posts I wasn't even aware originated from them.any years old memes and references can be traced back to trans women on this site.

How many of these folks have to be removed before this is no longer a site you want to be a part of it? Sure you cultivate your own experience, but you can't follow or interact with people who aren't here. And if I wanted to interact with the nazis and terfs I'd go to reddit.

I encourage everyone to reblog this. Trans women shouldn't have to be the only ones speaking out against the bigotry they're experiencing. They shouldn't be the only ones risking their blogs being nuked by staff. We have to stand with them.

[a1sart]

if there's one thing this last episode has affirmed for me about Alastor it's that he FUCKING HATES being reminded that he's not the most powerful creature in hell.

Like, he hates being ignored by Carmilla when she says she doesn't care why he was gone

He hates Lucifer ON SIGHT

He threatens to KILL Husk when he dares to mention that Alastor is working for someone more powerful than him

and now this.

Alastor freaking out because he almost died. Something almost killed him. He can fucking die. There is something more powerful than him out there. And it's not something he can ignore or brush off because it almost killed him.

Alastor hates the reminder that he's not as powerful as he tells people he is. He isn't indestructible, he isn't invincible. And he fucking hates that.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[michameinmicha]

Do you ever miss a character from a show but not like in the way that you want to rewatch the whole show because theres so much stuff going on and thats not what youre looking for but you miss your boy

[mienar]

the wandering painter, part one

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[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

[symphonyofsilence]

Let the poor man rest.

[anna-scribbles]

emma dupain cheng on the brain😽🎀

more:

[snarkspawn]

the devil you know