#but just keep me in the dang ol loop

[annieslytherpuff21]

Joyful June Day 1

The war is over, now what?

“We read you loud and clear Mama Bear, what’s the word?” Kinch could feel his superior officer’s breath on his neck as the man hovered over him.

“I was starting to believe this day would never come Papa Bear, but Germany surrendered!”

Kinch furrowed his brow, adjusted his headphones, and tapped his pencil against the radio, “Mama Bear, you mind repeating that? Just to make sure I heard you right.”

“Right on Papa Bear, Germany has surrendered, the war is over ol’ boy!”

Kinch shook his head and felt a tear slip from the corner of his left eye, “What are your orders then Mama Bear?”

“What’d they say? Kinch, qu'ont ils dit?”

“La guerre est finie,” Kinch whispered not fully comprehending what was coming from his mouth.

LeBeau gaped, eyes wide. “La guerre est finie?”

“What? What?” Carter knew something big was happening from his team member’s demeanors. He wished for what felt like the 100,000th time since arriving at Stalag 13 he’d paid more attention to learning French growing up.

Kinch put a finger to his lips so he could finish writing down London’s orders.

“LeBeau, what is going on?” Carter whispered not wanting to be out of the loop.

LeBeau couldn’t find his voice to respond as he wiped tears from his eyes.

Kinch lowered his headphones to around his neck, looked around from LeBeau, to Carter, to Newkirk, to Baker, then to Colonel Hogan. He shook his head, smiled and laughed, “It’s over!”

“What’s over?” Carter looked confused feeling frustrated as Newkirk whooped with joy, LeBeau was shaking with relief and joy, Baker folded his hands and whispered a prayer of Thanksgiving, and Colonel Hogan picked up the clip board knowing things still had to be done.

“The war Andre, the war is over!” LeBeau smiled from ear to ear.

“Cor, I’m so happy, if you were a bird, I’d kiss you!” Newkirk whooped slinging a brotherly arm around Carter who was smiling wider than he could remember smiling since he was a kid.

Colonel Hogan let his men have their moment, after all they’d been through, they deserved it. But all too soon he had to break up the long awaited celebrations. “We still have some work to do gentlemen.”

“Colonel, what’s London wanting us to do now?” Baker tried to tamper down his smile.

“They want us to stop officers from escaping Germany and to establish some control over this immediate area until troops reach this far and High Command figures out what they want to do moving forward.”

“All of us mon colonel?” LeBeau tried to keep the disappointment from his face, he wanted to track down his family, if there was anyone left that was. He hasn’t received a letter from any of them since mid 1943.

“No LeBeau, just like before this is on a strict volunteer basis. Most of the camp will be transported back to England within the fortnight.”

“Colonel, what about Klink and Schultzie?” Carter knew deep down neither man was a Nazi.

“I’ve been authorized to protect them from any negative actions against them. Also, I have been authorized to officially disclose to you, and only you, Schultz has been actively working for our side since day one.”

“What?” Newkirk’s jaw was practically down to his knees.

“That makes sense, but dang he’s a good actor!” Baker whistled.

“No kidding! There were times I thought he had to know something, but wow!” 100’s of memories flooded Carter’s mind at that realization.

“And you knew all along Colonel?” Newkirk scratched the back of his neck.

“I found out about a year ago, he came and asked for some help transporting some children to England who had been being hidden by his family, but the Gestapo was cracking down on their region.”

“Bloody hell, those kids we moved through back in October, Schultzie’s family had been hiding them?”

“Since 1941,” Hogan replied, admiration evident in his voice.

“Cor, that is insane!”

“It really does not surprise me,” LeBeau smiled softly.

“What else does London want us to do Colonel?” Baker redirected the conversation.

“That’s it, but it’s a big enough job to last at least a year, I’d love to keep each of you to support this new mission, but I completely understand if you’d rather go home like everyone else.”

“I have to find out what happened to my family,” LeBeau’s fiery passion burned as bright as ever.

“That is completely understandable, I hope you find them in good health,” Colonel Hogan didn’t blame the man who had been at Stalag 13 the longest.

“I’ll stay with you Colonel,” Kinch was tempted by the appeal of seeing his family again, but he’d take his chances sticking with the man who treated him with respect and as an equal.

“Same here,” Baker had nothing to draw him back to the states quickly and he loved being apart of Colonel Hogan’s crazy schemes.

Carter looked torn. Half of him knew he wasn’t going to be useful when his demolition expertise was no longer needed. “I need to get home, sorry Colonel.”

“Don’t apologize Carter, just know, once you leave, you will be missed.”

“What the hell, I guess I could help you for a while more guv,” Newkirk smiled.

“I’ll be forever grateful to you gentlemen,” Hogan nodded to the men who had made these last few years possible.

“No need to get sappy on us yet Colonel,” Kinch teased.

“Yeah, I mean, who’s gonna go break it to the Krouts that the war is over?” Carter had a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Hogan had to chuckle, he was so lucky to be in command of such a group of men. “I guess I’ll have to break it to Klink, that way he doesn’t go too crazy.”

“Can I tell Schultz?” Carter was practically bouncing with energy.

“Sure,” Hogan felt his own smile grow a little. He was so glad to see Carter regain some of his usual pep, it’d been a rough few months on all of them, but now that the war was over, they could all final start to rebuild instead of destroy.

—————

Note: any and all errors are 100% on me, I’m just so happy to have actually written anything, let alone complete it! I’ll hopefully edit, maybe flesh it out a bit more, and post over on FF.net eventually, but for now, I’m happy with how this turned out!

[shadowraiths-archived-blog]

[[ Okay - so I’ve got 5 drafts.  @snoopykbye @onceuponacrow @lighthousehan & @scarletxaya (x2) - I am going to go through my threads this weekend and maybe drop a few because really, all I ask for is communication.  If you can’t let me know you hate it or want to discuss it or are busy, why should I sit around and wait for you?  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Would you wanna sit around and wait for me?  Probably not. 

                                   IF YOU AND I HAVE A THREAD,                             PLEASE CLICK HERE AND SEE IF YOU                           OWE ME BECAUSE I HAVE 36 THREADS                             AND I ONLY OWE 4 FRIKKIN REPLIES.

[sapphirecrook]

The Manifestation of Monty

((Really should've just called it the Caldwellverse or something. Oh well.))

“By all accounts it's a faulty boot.” The old man sits in his chair like he’s about to drop an evil monologue. From the coat to the goggles to the thick science gloves. Besides him the femme fatale to pull the trigger. The lab coat barely hides her confidence.

“And yet he’s working fine? I mean the door’s stuck, but that’s miles better than Monty himself taking damage.” Her hand slaps the big heavy door, and I’m surprised she ain’t feeling the ring in her fingers. That thing could cut a watermelon in half.

“Now, since we all know I’m the cool cat ready to bat, how about we undo the loops and let me see if this lovely tail can work its magic?”

“Is he supposed to start off this irreverent?’

The old man gives a shrug, despite him knowing the deal. “I eased up on him. It made sense. Offsets Freddy’s attitude nicely, I say.”

“Darlings, aren’t you forgetting lil ol’ me?”

The two stared at each other like I just asked for the last treat on the plate. Uncertainty and doubt ain’t the cornerstones of a healthy first meet and greet.

“I got nothing against you doing it as long as you gotta. Being the chiefs of the technology departments, I’d prefer you don’t got it out for my guts. More than you should.”

“Like I said, he’s doing fine.”

Lady D tapped her heels. It took a bit of effort, but wowwee, she dresses like she’s got a party to go to afterwards. Who wears a skirt that short to a place full of metal? Then again, technicians are more the computer type. Probably only here for show.

“Last time we almost had a major accident. In fact, we definitely did.” Her face looks away from the both of us. Unwilling to look either in the eye, and a distinct loosening of her crossed arms. Lady’s off her balance. “I’d prefer not to die this close to the end?”

“Alright, I guess we’ll just do the rest like this? If you’re that concerned, I’ll handle the questions.”

“Mind if I say it’s quite the mind trip to be sittin’ this close yet be treated so far. The least you can do is stand around the corner n’ pretend.”

“Uh, oh. Yea. The door.” Her hand paws at the lacking door. Then she looked at the guy, who gave a thumbs up. “Wow, really? He’s just fine?”

“It’s easy to be fine when you’re the shine of the sublime.”

“Fine being a relative term. Like I said, this is… really coming on strong.”

“Nothing we can do without a lot of wet work.” He knew the truth; ain’t no easy way to take down a rockin’ gator a notch. “Besides, as I keep saying, Freddy’s the face. And his manners are exquisite.”

“Okay, one last thing. I know you’re like, a hundred years old… for the love of god tell me he’s not a sexist pig.”

“Chill, lady D, I got nothing but manners and respect for the fans, the crowds, the crew and the rest.” I try to gesture with my hands and fingers, and even my feet. And of course, lower that lovely shade with a flick of my head to give her a wink.

“His language might be a bit crude, but like the others his heart’s in the right place. Moreover, he can learn in time. It’s not like they’re… static. And we’re not opening for months, he can lose the edge in conversations with the staff and board.”

“That’s my problem. The board’s not all men. If he insults one of the ladies we’re…”

“Hey hey hey, who’s going around spreading lies I ain’t got love for the guys and the gals? If I wasn’t all tied up I’d be pulling you two apart for a little time out.”

Old geezer gives the lady another big thumb’s up. Now she’s forced to concede. Just because I got a tongue big enough to eat a whole sunday doesn’t mean it’s a flag in the breeze. The lady looks at the maintenance console’s screen. Makin’ me realize I haven’t even given the room much thought.

Ain’t much to see though. The place is barren, lit like an abandoned stage and there’s just too many dang props. Nothing moving, nothing flashing, boring as a mile long stretch of concrete. Air’s so cold it’s a great place to age a few wines.

Besides that, too many tarps. Metal racks. Ugh, the place just screams a good thrashing, but I’m pretty sure that’d involve breaking my spare backs.

“He’s nominal and past the critical period. Can I let him go?”

“With that set of teeth?”

“What’s wrong with these shiny teeth and me?”

“Considering Foxy tried to bite my head off, I’d be appropriate if the alligator attempted something similar.”

“Actually I’ve significantly reduced the actuators on most decorated motors. Which includes the mouth. They can all pop bottle caps, although unlike humans their teeth should be able to resist such tricks indefinitely.”

“Mhm, just bring over a Fazzy Pop and I can show ya how a superstar does it.”

Her hands went up. Not like a cheer or encore. Nah, just the raw admission of defeat.

“Fine. Fine. Fine fine fine. I guess that puts us at the whole four.”

“Hey, uh, just kinda curious, what did happen to ol’ Showstopper? The nerd alright?”

Ain’t it quaint, having a whole history in your head you know is fake? Like learning a script, but never recalling reading it. Feels almost like a dang magic trick, and I ain’t no rabbit.

“Oh yes. We’ve had to… replace Foxy.” The old man had to deliver the bad news. By the looks of the two of them, it wasn’t something great either. “So the keytar player is now a delightful young lady called Roxanne.”

“Roxy. Roxy Wolf. There’s not a kid in the world who is going to call her by her full name.”

“Kids with manners might.”

“Either or, I want out the door.”

The mechanics popped. I jumped up and gave the two of them a few good poses. Too bad there ain’t no cameras readied, or the primo shots would’ve made a great collector’s item.

“Montgomery Gator, at your service.”

“See, even he uses his full name!”

“Caldwell, that’s cute. It was for effect, right?”

I lean in, dip the shades and give them the killer wink. No need to play favorites. Except if that favorite is the cold hard facts.

“It’s Monty for pals. And I’m sure we’re all friends here.”

“Caldwell, take him out for a spin. If he says anything not allowed by corporate sensitivity policy, fix it.”

The stage. My stage. What a beautiful place. Raising plateaus, holograms, the lights, the sounds. It ain’t ready yet, however its power is there. Size, oomf, the killer speakers. I can already hear the fans and the deafening blasts of the speakers.

“This is where it’ll all take place.”

“The first big show~”

“Unfortunately only for a select crowd of investors and media personnel.” The old man’s got gusto. I didn’t expect him to make all those stairs, and he’s still standing tall and proud. I wonder if he could lug me around without putting out that back of his.

“Hey, cool C, it ain’t about the numbers. That debut is gonna show the world I got every thing it takes to make this work. The papers are gonna drown in praise and they’ll be lining up before opening~”

“Your enthusiasm is commendable. While this puts the hard part behind us, of getting you operational… I’m still nervous. That show is pretty much the last major hurdle before we have let.”

“Mind I ask, Caldwell, what exactly is this worry?’

“Does this place look cheap? I had to push to get you on the docket. Robots were planned, but I need minor changes for… you to get here. If that show goes wrong it’ll be hell to pay.”

“Ya got Monty on your side. And ol’ Fredbear. Not to mention Chica’s magic fingers. And I’m sure that lady Roxy’s gonna throw it right out of the park.”

“That’s not all. The stage is… involved. The lightning, the holograms, the speakers. You’re not the only point of failure, Monty. At this point the band is locked in and my worry is everything else.”

While I’d normally try to perk them up, I couldn’t exactly disagree. The whole thing, in its half assembled state, looked like a dang dump. The big arms not even unwrapped, the speakers not even wired. Makes a gator appreciate all the little things it takes to put a laser light show together. Not that I couldn’t hold my own without it, but a first impression…

“This is intercom test number 5. This will play when it’s thirty, fifteen, ten, five and two minutes before showtime. Insure that all non-attraction transit locations, restaurants and assorted miscellaneous areas receive this message at the mandatory minimums according to the blueprints. Thank you, and good luck.”

“Is it me, or does that sound like an invitation?”

“Your instruments aren’t here, Monty.”

“Hey, hey. Who needs instruments when you got me, my pipes and these fingers?”

I show the guy what I can do. I hustle past the industrial equipment and heft myself on stage. Ah. Home. I can see the whole… I mean, it’s more a loose suggestion on of an audience. I can see the seats, the crowds, the lights, all in my head.

“Hello, everybodaaaay! Tonight it’s rock and roll patrol with the gator with the noise fabricator!”

The old man hustles to a prop up stool. It’s a tough crowd, a lean crowd, and a crowd seated suboptimally and without refreshments. Luckily, ain’t no Fazbear to apologise n’ interrupt. No Chica’s gut to growl, no Showstopper to spout nutri…

Oh.

“You alright, Monty? Is the stage creaking?” He screams from down below. Frick, did the glasses not hide that? Old man’s got eyes with goggles like those.

“Nah, no fuss! Just gettin’ used to… the lack of cheerin’. Anyway, ya’ll ready to hit it up? Today I got somethin’ real special for ya. A lovely solo of the organ pipes, a call from the rock dimension, the raw fury of the earth’s deepest volcanos!”

My vision gave out. I saw something. I knew it for sure. Some kind of ghostly shape between two tarped up sets of scaffolding. It looked like… the gang? Something in my head disagreed. Like it was dealing with clones and unable to piece the bits.

“Monty?”

I hadn’t even noticed I feel down. On one knee, like I was about to declare the crowd my wife. Holding my head like I took an frying pan to it.

“Some kinda system…”

“Monty, speak to me like the error logs. This is important.”

“Anomalous FRS behavior detected. Chica. Freddy. Foxy. Monty. Detected, mismatch with local positioning system. What’s all that mean, doc?”

“That your facial recognition software mistook some features here for the others.”

“No, wait. I saw myself too!”

“That’s what I mean. There’s no mirrors here, yet, and most things are covered in sawdust and regular dust.” Caldwell took a good moment thinking it over. “There’s not really a draft here. It makes sense the FRS is acting up a little. Luckily, it’s an add-on module to your eyes, so we can patch that problem if it comes up again.”

“What do you mean, again?”

“It might’ve been a one-off issue. Sometimes bits get flipped from background radiation. Just like people and their deja vu moments.”

Yea, gotcha, sure thing doc. Hey. Where is the gang, anyway?”

“Rockstar Row. It’s the most finished part besides the staging area, so they’ve been making themselves at home.” He gestured to the back of the room. “If you want, we can say hello and get you situated as well.”

“I’d love to see the rest of the gang. And this new lady Roxy~”

“I don’t know how far you’ll get with that attitude… let’s go. I’m sure it’ll be lovely to have the whole band together and discuss a few things…”

[brakken-spideyverse]

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on the new PS4 Spider-Man game?

Gonna try and keep this pretty spoiler-free, since many are still playing through it (myself included), but so far I’m enjoying it a whole bunch!

Thoughts on the game below the cut:

The writing is great, if maybe slightly off-paced - there’s a big drama moment that happens early-ish, and while it was cool, it felt like I hadn’t gotten used to the status quo for happy Spidey before throwing a big ol’ wrench in. But the characters all feel... right, which is really appreciated. Gettin’ plenty of that MJ and Peter content that I thrive on. I’m almost overwhelmed by how much comic stuff they’re including! Oh, and Peter’s relationship with Doc Ock so far is kinda close to what I had plans for in my 'verse, so it’s cool from that angle too - it’s like my silly fan fiction has been realised, haha.

I’ll say I’m not super keen on the outfit designs for the villains so far? I’ll have to see where it goes, but it’s like - the parts I’m iffy about on Spidey’s suit are amplified on the others’ outfits. Still diggin’ that white spider though, and on top of that I love how many alt suits they’ve made available. And BIG props for making the suit powers interchangeable from their visual. Aesthetic is too dang important, so I’m real glad I can customise my looks independent of my moves.

The city looks simply wonderful. Immediately reminiscent of the couple times I’ve been to NYC. Love that the rooms have some depth, and the rooftops are populated.

The combat is growing on me, and the swinging feels very good! I will say that I find it interesting, because while it does a lot of things right, it also puts into perspective just how well-crafted it was back in Spider-Man 2 for PS2. I can fully believe if I went back to that game it wouldn’t hold up so well, but it has two definitive things that made it just a bit more engaging than this new one. The first was the speed boost. That extra little oomph you could give to your motion really immersed me in the physics - you could hit it mid-swing for more distance, or at the top for more height. The second thing was letting the player choose when to release the web. Being able to decide at what point in the arc to start your next swing allowed you to really craft your motion, so when you pulled off something amazing like a loop or a rad maneuver over a building, it felt entirely earned. New Spidey looks cool and feels solid, but when he decides to shoot a new web instead of me telling him to, or latches onto a targeted jumping point, it diminishes that illusion of control a little. That’s very much a critique via comparison though - from its own lens, it functions and meshes pretty well. But another small thing on this aspect is I really wish his wallrun was like, just a speedier crawl. Running might look cooler, but he’s the wallcrawler! Branding!

I have a few other nit-picky gripes with it, like the tutorials being too rail-roading, and some of the in-game dialogue getting cut off while traversing the city, which is a bit irritating. The crime alerts sometimes feel like an interruption from the main missions. Another thing Spider-Man 2 did well was occasionally require you to earn Hero Points as a main quest. It meant you’d always get some down-time to catch the thieves just like flies, and it built anticipation for the next story objective. I’m noticing that while I usually aim to 100% games like this that I’m not really feeling the pull to the side-mission-collectathon stuff in this one. I think motivations like ‘collect the pigeons’ or ‘swing close to the smoke’ would work when isolated, but when all these markers across the city blend together, I begin feeling like they’re excuses for more playtime, so it’s harder to find the fun. And as the man says,

There’s plenty more to talk about, but all-in-all, I’m having a good time and appreciate all the efforts made for the smaller things. I think the majority of my gripes are coming from what the game isn’t, rather than what it is.

What it isn’t (so far), is the definitive Spidey experience I’d been hoping for.

What it is, is an enjoyable, varied, funny, and darn gorgeous game which does plenty well and some things really well. And that’s just quite alright for me!

How about y’all? Enjoying it?

[calyxaomphalos]

The Ghosts of Windy Ridge

My notes on my rolls for the morning of day 3 are quite copy-paste-able:

rolled for four components, we'll see how *that* goes.

it's back at the Centaur Ranch! (4) and it's Hank again! (6) rolling these *before* I start writing, just in case... item #19 - item of great value (2) event #17 - neighbor request / side quest! rolling for the side-quest -- item #6, a hand-me-down

3 April 2022, Sunday Morning

The encounter with Foras and his Lair had me thinking maybe I should ask a friendly local for some more information. It had been a Friday afternoon when I first popped in, maybe a Sunday morning might be a more relaxed time to try to drop in on Andy. I packed a small basket with a couple muffins and a pint of blended fruit juice from the store and threw in a Tarot deck, just in case.

The short walk up the road to Centaur Ranch only takes a few minutes and when I got there, I saw a familiar car. Hank's. And sure enough, he was sitting in one of the chairs where I'd sat just the other day.

"Well ain't this just the dang ol' turn of luck, Serren! Just the person I'd hoped to see," Hank enthusiastically greeted me, but he remained seated. I didn't fault him for that, for sure. I had no idea how much trouble his old injuries gave him. And besides, that whole "gentlemen stand up when ladies approach" thing is completely overrated, especially since I'm not exactly a lady.

"Hank! Fancy meeting you here," I said as I took a seat in the other chair. "I brought some juice and muffins, though if Andy's around, we'll have to cut them up to properly share."

"Andy's gone to church. I'm waiting for when he gets back to talk about some metalwork I need done. Muffin sounds great, though," Hank ventured.

I spread out the napkin that'd been covering the basket and put a muffin in front of Hank and one in front of me. At the bottom of the basket were two collapsable picnic cups. I expanded one and held it out to Hank. "Juice?"

"Thankee kindly. I have something I need to give you, and I have a favor to ask, so I'm feeling a little guilty about the spread you've laid out here."

"Something you *need* to give me?"

"Yeah, well, what you said last evening about feeling drawn to the mine. I don't know what you all think of spirits, but..." Hank dropped off at that point, looking for some sort of acceptance from me about the topic of spirits, I guess. I wondered how much he knew about what I'd done last night after we had parted at Thompson Gap. Again, I thought honesty was the way to go, but perhaps not just blurt out that I'd encountered Foras last night.

I pulled the Tarot deck out of the basket and put it on the table. "I've had some dealings with spirits before, yes."

Hank looked relieved and then pulled a small pouch out of his breast pocket. "Wear this to protect you from the spirit who lives up past the Mine." He held the pouch out to me but I hesitated. "Go on, please take it."

I took the pouch and was surprised at how heavy it was. I wasn't sure about wearing whatever was inside, however.

"Open it up! Put it on, please!" Hank urged.

I fumbled with the square knot in the drawstrings, but not too badly. It's pretty much how I close my Tarot bags. Inside was a thick coin of some sort, at least the size of a nickel. It was suspended by a loop from a masculine chain necklace, heavy in construction. It all looked like pure gold. "Hank, I can't take this, this must be real gold!"

"Just put it on and keep it on while you are in town. It's not yours forever, I'll need you to give it back before you leave. Deal?"

"Um, OK, I guess," I said, and saw no clasp in the chain. It was long enough to fit over my head easily, though. That's when I saw the elaborate design of lines on one side. The other side was embossed with a figure who looked something like Pan. The shape of his head was a bit familiar. Foras. It wasn't hair after all, but some kind of horns.

"You said something about having a favor to ask of me?" I said as I put the heavy gold pendant in under my shirt.

"Yeah. Keep a lookout for my marble egg. It's made of dark brown bakelite, elaborately carved. It unscrews into two pieces. There are four antique marbles inside it. I inherited it from my uncle. It's been missing over a week and I'm asking everyone to look for it," Hank explained. Then he added, "well, everyone I can trust that is."

"Thank you for your trust, then. I'll keep an eye out," I said, feeling good about the request. Just then Andy drove up. "You two have business together, so I'll be on my way," I said after some pleasantries.

[kokichi-and-co-imagine-blog]

Duty’s birthday is tomorrow, sooooo… any amazing birthday headcanons that are wholesome and show everyone loving him?

I have no excuse for not finishing this sooner, I am so sorry. From the bottom of my heart. I know this isn’t as quality or as long as it should be, but I hope you enjoy it…

Fuyuhiko Get’s a Birthday Wish

While the sun finally passed the edge of the world,Peko led Fuyuhiko back to hotel for dinner and dessert, hinting that something sweet was waiting for him. Fuyuhiko thought Peko had somehow readied a batch of fried cookie-dough, so he was excited to share his favorite treat with his favorite person on his birthday. He’d never admit the second one out loud to anyone though. Walking through the lobby and up the stairs, Fuyuhiko didn’t see Chiaki. He thought that was a little off for Chiaki, who practically lived with the arcade machine during the day.

Maybe Hajime and Nagito are with Chiaki in her cottage playing games… That was probably it, so Fuyuhiko shrugged it off.

When they reached the Restaurant, the lights were unusually off. Fuyuhiko tensed up and stepped back towards the stairs. Familiar voices called to Fuyuhiko from the darkness.

“Fuyuhiko…”

And with a flick of a lightswitch

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

Everyone was gathered around the table, which featured a large cake encircled with platters of all kinds sweets. The cake was adorned with little balls of fried cookie-dough and a few candles, along with a simple ‘Happy Birthday Kuzuryu’ written in decorative icing. Fuyuhiko’s jaw dropped in awe of it all.

“You beautiful bastards, you didn’t have to…” Fuyuhiko started with a smile, “You didn’t have to go through all this trouble for me.”

“That some serious bullshit man! You deserve a party!!” Nekomaru bellowed, following up with his usual thundering laughter.

“Ya deserve a party wit da best dang ol sweetmeats, made by yours truly!” Teruteru beamed.

“You should get a… Special surprise for this wonderful occasion~” Nagito purred while walking into the middle of the room. Slowly, he started to take off his jacket. Then his shirt, be before he could get it very his head, Hajime and Chiaki lifted him up and hauled Nagito out of the building. They spilled apology after apology to Fuyuhiko and Peko, Nagito had a little too much to drink pre-celebrating.

The rest of the celebration went off without a hitch, laughs and stories were shared around the table. When it was time for the cake, everyone broke out into a very unique happy birthday. Voices and tones of all kinds filled the room, giving a warm and oddly comforting feeling to everyone there, especially Fuyuhiko. He had to hold back tears that were welling up in his eye. It was time to blow out the candle and make a wish. Fuyuhiko looked at the little glowing object and images of the past year flashed through his mind. He could still remember the pain that he felt a year ago. With a soft but steady breath, he extinguished the small flame with a single wish. Cheers rang out from around the table while Fuyuhiko cracked a happy smile at everyone and everything. Laughs, cheers, giggles, and a little singing was had.

When the celebration finally ended, everyone wished Fuyuhiko happy birthday one last time before heading off to their cottages. Peko walked Fuyuhiko to his, but just a few steps away from the door, Fuyuhiko paused.

“Peko….” He started softly while turning around, the moon framed just above Peko’s head, “want to join me inside? I want some company.”

Internally Peko was taken aback, but quickly shot out an answer barely managing eye contact.

“Of course Fuyuhiko.” Fuyuhiko turned around at this and unlocked his cottage, gesturing for Peko to enter.

She entered and sat down, leaving her bamboo sword looped on the back of the chair. Peko watched Fuyuhiko close the door and lock it out of habit. She was happy to have a little more time with Fuyuhiko alone. Maybe she could say what she tried to earlier on the beach. The image of Fuyuhiko’s face bathed in the lights of the setting sun stuck in her mind, making Peko tense up a little.

“Peko, can you wait here for a few minutes? I need to shower.” Fuyuhiko said, snapping Peko back into her body.

—

Fuyuhiko paced back and forth in his shower. He wasn’t even trying to wash himself anymore, but he needed to think about what he was going to say to Peko. Internally, he repeated the same four words over and over, “What do I do?!”

—

Fuyuhiko stepped into the room with a towel around his waist, steam gently flowing off his shoulders. Peko stared at him, her eyes practically bugging out of her head.

it’s now or never.

“Peko, I got a question for you… do you know what my birthday wish was? Ya know when I blew out that candle.” Fuyuhiko said, passing behind Peko to his dresser. He couldn’t face her and keep speaking clearly. Peko gripped the edge of her skirt and stumbled out a quiet, “No,”

Fuyuhiko slipped off the towel and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top on.

moment of truth, can’t turn back now bastard.

“Well… I… Peko….” he started, circling around to the front of the chair, freezing up when he saw Peko’s blushing face.

JUST SPEAK YOU IDIOT!

“Pekodoyouwanttobemine!” Fuyuhiko blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut. Peko’s eyes widened and became teary. She threw herself from the chair and wrapped her arms around Fuyuhiko, sending them backwards onto his bed.

Fuyuhiko didn’t have to ask, he knew what that meant. They spent the night holding onto each other, crying out of joy. When the sun rose, Peko was asleep with her face buried in Fuyuhiko’s chest, and Fuyuhiko had one arm around her. Fuyuhiko was dreaming of her, of the silver haired angel on his chest, and Peko of the golden haired boy beneath her.

[cursewoodrecap]

Session 14: Nice Sociable Folk

Everyone is very nice to us, except one grumpy guy.

This one fought me, folks. And Quarantine Depression didn’t really help. So it’s a bit less pared-down than it could be. But speaking of people who should probably be quarantined, have some virulent fungus.

We return to the scene: Valeria has just unceremoniously yanked a mandrake root out of the ground, and it’s doing what mandrakes do, screaming at the top of its lungs (...do plants have lungs???) and raising hell. Which is not GREAT if you’re in the middle of the Spooky Woods Where Monsters Live.

We’re reckless idiots, but that’s on brand.

Shoshana rolls a Nature check to know it’ll stop screaming on its own eventually, and that getting it into our Haversack will stop or dull the noise. Otherwise, the recommended mandrake-harvesting technique is that extreme heat or cold will stun its screaming. Usually people harvest them with daggers heated over a flame.

Problem: Shoshana is only one who knows this, Clem and Val are stunned, and it’s LOUD, so it’s hard to talk. So it’s up to the sorcerer to handle it. She doesn’t want to burn the dang thing to a crisp and make it useless as a spell component, so blasting it with magic is right out. She snatches a torch out of Clem’s backpack and lights it, heating up her small dagger.

Clem fails to shake off the stun, but Valeria recovers. Gral throws an inspiration at Clem, who’s still stuck, and frantically glances around the area to see if the BIG LOUD NOISE has alerted any enemies. In fact, it very much has. A variety of heavy shapes are uprooting themselves out of the dirt, turning blank mossy faces towards us. 

Shosha tries to hurry up on silencing the mandrake, but her haste causes her to fumble it. At least she doesn’t damage the plant.

Gral, still watching, sees the grassy, lumpy creatures pick up rocks and start hurling them. Shoshana gets bonked. A rock bounces off Valeria’s armor. Gral’s looking at those ones, when another one hefts out of the ground behind him and conks him with a big ol’ stone.

“Ah,” Valeria observes. “Yeetroots.”

Clem, even with inspiration, still fails to unstun herself, clutching her hands to her sensitive elven ears.

Gral swings his sickle into a yeetroot’s rooty, tuberous body, a thick sap dripping from the gaping wound. Meanwhile, Shoshana takes a second stab with her hot dagger and manages to silence the awful screaming.

The one Gral bloodied picks him up entirely and yeets him at Clem. Gral bounces off the drow’s armor comically. Clem remains completely undamaged while Gral pouts at being unwillingly Fastball Specialed. Valeria and Shoshana scatter, dodging another volley of heavy rocks.

Taking an entire orc to the face, though, finally breaks Clem out of the stun. She’s ready to lumberjack down some trees - oh, wait, Gral’s lying there moaning. The battle medic gives him a good slather of Space Mayo, and he’s fine, though he probably smells like a sandwich.

Gral and Shoshana pop off a couple of spells for minor effect, the tuberous creatures shrugging off most of the effects. They’re bothered enough to retaliate, though; the one Valeria’s facing off against hefts her into the air for another round of PC Bowling, flattening Shoshana. The hail of rocks from the rest of the Yeetroots doesn’t let up, but their aim is only mediocre.

Aethis snacks on a root-person Valeria nicely carves up for them, and as Clem gets to slicing and dicing it looks like the fight’s falling in our favor.

Suddenly, a short human guy in rough clothing charges ungracefully out of the woods, crossing through the undergrowth strangely quickly for someone so unathletic-looking. He clonks a Yeetroot over the head with a long wooden staff, whacking it a few times for good measure so it stays down, and then looks up at us with a frustrated expression. “What the hell are you kids doing? Get out of here!” he shouts irritably, like we’re trespassing on his lawn. 

He’s got a bit of an accent. It’s much heavier than Shoshana’s; even by her small-town standards it’s the rural accent of someone who speaks Old Valdian regularly.

Gral Dissonant Whispers a Yeetroot, causing it to run past Clem and the Old Dude. It runs straight into Clem’s sword and dies. Shoshana, Valeria, and Aethis efficiently dismantle the last one standing.

Clem’s ears, still sore from the mandrake’s cry, pick up additional movement through the woods. Sounds like the Yeetroots weren’t the only ones interested in loud, clumsy prey.

The old man seems to know it too, and he starts to scold us. “Pulling a mandrake while the woods are like this? Dummkopfen! Now get outta here! Scram!”

“I’m sorry, we didn’t have a choice-“

“What are you doin’ yakkin’? MOVE!” he shouts, turning and dashing into the underbrush. Shoshana barely catches him muttering “those IDIOTS” in Old Valdian as he scrams.

Well, we’re definitely not gonna stick around either. Old Dude went northeast. The Sturmhearst camp is to the south. We’re all thinking this weird crotchety old man is a druid, so he’s gonna know the best way to go and also we could totally ask him a few burning questions. With a concise nod to each other, we dash after the druid, Valeria swinging herself up onto Aethis’ back.

The wooooooooods are aliiiiiiiive, with the sound of monsterrrrrs, but following the druid’s trail we manage to dodge down an old gully and manage to shake any of them who came to investigate the commotion. Unfortunately, we’ve just put all those monsters in between us and the Sturmhearst camp. We pause, crouched in creek bed, as the last walking tree’s footfalls fade into the distance.

Gral breaks the silence: “…wait, was that a druid?”

Shoshana grumps. “How are we gonna FIND him? He could be a SQUIRREL by now! And I’m surprised he even speaks city-folk Valdian.”

We got the sense of how he moved – he hasn’t left a footprint, but we’ve picked up his pattern a bit. We could keep following him, and Valeria suggests the quest will give time for the monsters attracted by our noise to disperse. Gral doesn’t want to pass up the opportunity to find out what the Druids know about the Prisoners, and Valeria’s hopeful he might have seen the other Order of the Rose knight about.

Shoshana beefs her Survival check. We’ve been doing well following his pattern of not disturbing plant or animal tracks, trying to think like a druid wood. But we hit a dead end.

And then Clem casually points out some tracks none of the rest of us can even make out.

Please. Clem Haxan has tracked wood elf partisans. One aging human is nothing.

We follow Clem’s lead for about an hour. As midday approaches, we notice the sense of vibrant, chaotic, suffocating life is fading a little, and the sickening-sweet scent of flowers and spores has lessened. We come upon a grove of trees, standing tall, centered around one utterly massive tree in the middle whose canopy is just barely open enough to allow beams of light to spear through. In every beam, a sapling has begun to grow. Others, a little more seasoned, have grown tall and thin to push up through the great tree’s canopy.

Deeper in the grove, Shoshana can hear a voice in Old Valdian, and it’s mostly swearing.

“Dumb fuckin’ kids, I swear, first it was those meshuggenah bird mask idiots, now we got - what the hell were those morons doing, stirring everything up? Hard enough when the woods are just tryin’ to kill ME without having to keep an eye our for-”

It seems to be a one-sided conversation. Rambling, but pausing for responses that we can’t hear. Shoshana cautiously steps closer.

She wants to be respectful, but the closest thing Old Valdian has to deferential is a greeting without commentary. “...Hello?”

The voice pauses, and then speaks to its silent companion. “Do ya hear something? Go check it out.”

We all roll real bad Perception. Gral is starin’ real hard, and he only sees a squirrel loop the big tree. We don’t hear the druid say anything else.

She tries a Message cantrip: “We wish to respect your solitude, but we need to speak with you.” Hopefully a decent Persuasion roll will do.

“Wait. Hold up,” the voice grumbles in Old Valdian, heaving a massive sigh. “They’re idiots, they’re not gonna-” 

Something big makes a “GRAAHK” noise. 

“No, they’re not gonna go away unless I talk to them. Look, they followed me here. I knew it was unavoidable.” He calls out to us in common Valdian. “All right, come on in, no funny business.”

Being seasoned D&D players, we’re hesitant to cross the giant patch of fallen leaves, but it turns out it’s not a booby trap; it’s just what happens when you’re under a big ol’ tree. They are pleasingly crunchy and probably serve as an excellent intruder warning.

The druid isn’t pleased with our caution. “Either leave or come over here! Let’s get this over with.”

We circle the tree to find a small hut in a sunbeam, with a little garden. The old guy, looking like a hippie Danny DeVito, is sitting outside on a fallen log, prodding a small campfire with a stick as he heats a kettle over it. More notably, there is an owlbear curled up next to the fire.

“I wouldn’t get too close, he likes eatin’ fingers,” the druid grumps. “That’s why he’s called Fingers.”

“Oh! This is Aethis, and I’m Kyr Va-”

“Yeah, yeah, get to the point.”

“Are you a druid?”

“Ah, right to the point.”

We manage to stumble over a quick introduction, and that we want to ask him about the Druids’ actions against the artist’s colony in Holzog.

“So all druids know each other, huh?” He starts peeling a potato, unimpressed.

"I don’t know how druids work! There was an organized attack against cultists of the Key, at an artist's colony at Holzog Valley. Do you know of this, and are the Druids in an organized resistance against the Prisoners?"

 “Are druids an organized anything?” Shoshana snarks.

Druid DeVito rolls his eyes. “Look, mask guy. I go where I’m needed. I don’t know anything about what’s going on in Holzog. I barely know what’s going on here, I just got here!”

“You... just got here?”

“Yeah, like a month or two ago. Hard to get lay of the land when EVERYTHING’S TRYIN TA KILL YOU, not to mention it’s hard to get a handle on things when idiot adventurers are runnin’ around STIRRIN’ THINGS UP!”

Gral soldiers on. “Well, what do you know of the curse corrupting this area? We were here gathering supplies for a ritual, but it seems like there is also trouble here, what with the villagers and the trolls."

Gral is very polite, so the druid grudgingly answers. “Look, here’s how it goes. This” – he taps the tree – “is Mother Tree. It’s important, for reasons. There’s always supposed to be a druid warden here. But something happened. She’s gone now. So I heard it through the grapevine, and I got called in.”

“Was it a literal grapevine?” 

“The old bag and the windy bastard have ways of getting in touch with us, if we’re needed. They told me I gotta go here and – well, so I came. I’m tryin’ to figure out what happened to old warden, figure out what I can do to keep the place safe. It’s a lotta work! But right now I’m trying to make lunch. Because lemme tell you, this owlbear is a lot calmer than most of his type, but he WILL eat me if he gets too hungry.”

“As far as what I know about it? Half the valley got taken. Everything west of the river got overgrown. Haven’t spent much time on the other side; I don’t wanna get spotted. You see what happens when somebody gets a look at me.” He gestures dismissively to all of us. “No good deed, and all that.”

“So half the valley got overgrown. My sources tell me the other half is honestly not doin’ much better, even though it looks better on the outside. Like I said, I’m still tryin’ to get my networks up and running, which is difficult when most of my sources are working for the enemy.”

“Yeah, the villagers have fungus brain,” Shoshana tells him. “Someone who came from this village seemed to be corrupted by fungus, and was working to encourage its spread. Also, they’re bringing in a Fuckton of Trolls to Bad Herzfeld. Which, if they get fungused, is...bad.”

Valeria, meanwhile, is attempting to feed the owlbear some granola. After a moment, she elects to just toss the bag in its direction. Handfeeding an owlbear is Not Wise.

“I’ll add that to my list of problems,” the old man grumbles. “Bunch of sporebrained trolls, sporebrained villagers, plants tryna kill me…all right. How many they got so far?”

“One troll was definitely fungused, but he’s dead. There’s about 8 at the troll moot now. Their food stores look spore-free so far, but we’re going to be looking into the village more.”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t want to be corruptin’ ‘em yet, it’d tip their hand too early. Trolls are usually solitary types. With how the sporebrains work, any new arrivals would be majorly creeped out. They’d want to get a critical mass before they try to get ‘em brainwashed.”

We agree that’s probably the plan. We explain the situation in Holzog, and ask what he knows about the druids’ actions there and whether the druids are the Prisoners’ jailers.

He shrugs. “Me and mine, we don’t talk to each other much. We each got our beats to cover. It’s not like they give us a manual – we’re not super fond of writing things down. Rumor is there’s old sources – real old – that have some knowledge, but otherwise you gotta get lucky and get a visit from the bosses themselves. But they’ve never been the most reliable.”

“The...bosses? Like Baba and Gramps?” Shoshana asks, referring to the old grandmother and grandfather gods of the woods.

“Yeah, they don’t exactly come when you ring a bell. Now I don’t know what old rattlechains, or the angry lady, or the quiet guy, or the sneaky bastard are like, but the chiefs aren’t communicative at the best of times. And since this fakakta Curse thing started they’ve been harder to get a hold of. We get our orders, they keep us busy, but there ain’t much in the way of answers. I’m told to guard this place, and do my thing. The ‘Prisoners,’ or whatever? That’s new to me.

“Look, stay away from the villagers, anyone especially friendly, anyone who talks about love, togetherness, caring, all that crap. Don’t go anyplace overgrown, anyplace with too many mushrooms. Spores will get in your brain.”

“I just do what I’m told. Or infer, really, I’m not told enough to do what I’m told.

If you wanna be helpful – something’s spreading this. The Curse spreads enough on its own, but something’s deliberately spreading it around. Go hunt for whatever’s doing that. Also, I can’t find previous warden – y’know, the person whose beat this is supposed to be.

He’s mostly losing interest in us, but can’t resist one last jab. “What do you need that mandrake for anyway? Half the things you think they can do, they can’t.”

Valeria jumps at the chance to talk about her Quest. “Over in Mornheim they’re dealing with the undead sort of curse. There’s a disease in the water affecting the whole population, and we found a ritual to purify the river! It’s not the sort of magic I usually work with, but I think I can make it function with the plants that I need. I’ve got almost all of them!”

“Hmm. Whatcha missin’?”

We check our notes. “Norbert’s Wort?”

Those Sturmhearst guys might have some, if you wanna try to get it off ‘em. Or there’s a bunch of it growin’ not far from the riverbank. Lemme see this ritual of yours, I wanna make sure you’re not wastin’ your time.”

He gives it the once-over with a surprisingly appreciative eye. “Oh, huh. Rosalind’s work.” He rolls up the scroll, slaps it back into Valeria’s claws, and turns to walk out into the wood. “Get outta here. I got things to do. If you stick around, Fingers will eat ya.”

Wait.

There’s a beat, and then Shoshana starts yelling. “WAIT, ROSALIND? BECAUSE WE FOUND THIS IN THE HOUSE OF A LADY NAMED ROSALIND. AND I DIDN’T THINK YOU GUYS WERE INTO HOUSES? WAIT COME BACK SHE’S A GHOST NOWWWWWW-”

He’s gone. Dammit.

We wave goodbye to Fingers.

As we cautiously make our way out of the grove, Gral is asked to make a Charisma check. A leaf, still stuck to a small bent twig, falls from the great tree and gently helicopters down. He reaches up a hand and catches it out of the air, easily, as if it was intended to find his hand. With an excellent perception check, he glances up and sees the silhouette of a motherly face in the branches. It’s hard to spot among the rustling green canopy, but it’s looking down at us from the branches - he can almost see a wooden torso in one branch – and then the shape pulls back into the branch, moving through it like sand.

Gral experiences an internal hell yes.

Gral has received: one twig with some leaves! It has vibes. This thing is definitely special, and a gift – not from the druid, but from the Mother Tree.

It clearly has Properties, but we do not know what they are.

So, what next? Trying to get the last plant for the spell has a nonzero chance of getting us lost overnight. We could stop by the Sturmhearst annex, or check in on the trolls....wait. Dang it. This morning we told that old lady we’d stay in town overnight. And we’ve already stood up one dinner invitation this arc.

As Clem capably leads us around dangers and toward Sturmhearst, Gral stares at his twig. He can see the leaves seem to move without wind, and he slowly realizes he’s able to predict which ways Clem is gonna lead us based on which way the leaf radar blows. It seems the gift can help find safe passage in the wood!

With a good survival check, we manage to skirt all dangers and the riled-up zone. Once again we smell acrid smoke from Sturmhearst camp and pass by the impassive looking giant owl guards with their flamethrowers. We see Rita the robot chicken hop by with something in her mouth, and follow her into camp. She ignores us and bops right up into the house that contains Prof. Ulmus’ lab.

Hey, we should go check on Flynn! A student directs us to where they’ve set up their clinic in an old barn, and soon we are confronted with a steely-eyed Fiona, arms crossed, glaring at us. “Hi, we, uh-”

She is silent, as usual, but Valeria rolls a nat 20 insight and can read her face like a book. She’s mad that we didn’t come back when we said we would – we made them worry, and also left them alone in this den of academic madness.

Valeria stumbles over a sincere apology until she is interrupted by a solid barbarian hug.

The paladin takes this as her opening to gossip about our day. “We got plants! And got real lost! We slept over a troll’s place!” Fiona makes a surprised gesture. “Yeah, there’s like eight. They have HOUSES. It’s surreal?!?!?! One of them thinks he’s a doctor!”

She’s interrupted when Dr. Ulmus sticks her hand through a curtain and hands off a vial of blood. Valeria now has blood. “Take this to my lab, please.”

Valeria blinks. “O...kay?” She dutifully leaves to take the blood to the lab.

Shoshana can’t keep her mouth shut. “Uh, ma’am? ….did you not notice that wasn’t a grad student?”

“Hm?”

“You gave this to the paladin.”

“…Good. She’ll follow orders. WAIT, YOU’RE BACK!” The doctor bursts through the curtain, beak-first.

“We come bearing fungus!” Clem gives her a vial of fungus. Clem is then ordered to take this to Prof Ulmus’s lab. She does. 

So now we have two tanks in a lab. They try to flag down a grad student and make them do it . No, too bad, they’re busy. Clem is like, what if I’m enormous and intimidating? But the grad student is not impressed. “Please. Do you know what kind of horrors I’m studying? You can’t terrify me.”

Valeria is like FFFF CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHERE THE BLOOD GOES. But the grad student leaves.

Oh hey, that rack has vials of red stuff. She puts the blood in the blood rack.

Clem shrugs, sets the fungus on a random table, and leaves.

Back at the clinic, a pale and haggard Flynn stumbles out and leans on Fiona. “My sister was very worried,” he tells us, making a flimsy effort at his usual grandiosity. “I, of course, had total confidence in you!”

Fiona, deadpan, signs: [He cried.]

Professor Ulmus finally emerges in full. “Well, Mr. Fairgold, I’d say you’re well on your way to recovery! Practice those breathing exercises I showed you and take it easy for next few days.”

Valeria and Clem hustle back, spouting apologizes for missing dinner, because Valeria is polite and Clem is genuinely upset at missing the opportunity to pick the doctor’s brain about medicine.

“Hmm, yes, you’re back! Well, you’re all alive…” Professor Ulmus starts inspecting us, her beaked mask tilting this way and that. “…oh dear.” She prods Clem a bit. “Yes, hmm.” She briskly hands Clem some sort of compressed herb poultice. “You’ll want to eat this.” Clem immediately makes a med check. It’s some kind of medicine, I guess. Clem swallows it. It tastes super gross.

“So!” she chirps. “I look forward to hearing what you’ve learned. How was your expedition, did you find what you were looking for?”

“Most of it,” Valeria admits. “We’re still looking for Norbert’s Wort.”

“I have a bit, but it’s spoken for, I’m afraid. Anyhow, I believe a dinner was planned! It’s a good thing you didn’t show up last night, I forgot all about it. I had to do quite a lot of work on Mr. Fairgold. The fungal infestation in his lungs should be cleared up, although the treatment did leave some aftereffects. Nausea, some trouble breathing for a few days. Nothing major.”

Valeria just sort of awkwardly lifts her hand, offering Lay Ons. He waves her off, bluffing his way past her insight. Sure, he’s fiiiiiiiine.

“He was fortunate. Not the worst I’ve seen – something worse would have required a substantially more radical treatment. More invasive, too. Were any of you exposed?”

“Uhh, not to that, but to other things?” We tell her about the Snorlax bear over a plate of sandwiches.

“Yes, I’ve seen similar phenomena – a fungal colony hijacking a living creature. Unfortunately that’s where my expertise ends – I might have to discuss with my, ugh, colleague in the aberrant biology department.”

Valeria tells her about the dream mushroom feast. “So you tripped on mushrooms and hallucinated and fought some mushroom men. We’ve all been there.” The professor waves it off with disinterest. “Yes, spooky curse magic messing with your mind, I’m sure it was harrowing. And/or enlightening. But I don’t have time for spooky magics; I’m a woman of SCIENCE! Speaking of, Clementine, where did you put that fungus?”

“On a table with similar looking specimens?” 

“Pardon me a moment.” She immediately stands and runs. We see a huge guard stomp toward the lab. Then flamethrower noises. There’s a bit of screaming. 

She emerges slightly scorched, fixing her coat. “That…was the wrong table. It’s cross contaminated! Well, I suppose that’s the cost of science. Sometimes, in order to make great discoveries, you must burn a table of samples before they kill you.”

“I’m sorry, I asked a grad student and he said put it anywhere, really!” Clem bluffs.

“Which one?” 

“....um, a short guy wearing a bird mask?

“Ah, Jean-Pierre, I know him. We will have words later. Never trust an entomologist, they’ve all got a head full of beetles or something. So! What’s next for you? I can’t say we have a ton of room here, but I’m sure we can try to find somewhere for you to stay...”

Valeria idly taps the clear bead on her earring chain. “Well, we DID promise to stay at the inn in town tonight...”

Ulmus hums discontentedly. “I trust the villagers precisely as far as my guards can throw them.”

Shoshana butts in. “Right? Okay, because the last time we stayed in a fungus person’s house I was RIGHT and it SUCKED.”

We go back and forth, deciding we’ll keep our promise but stay in the annex for dinner. A feast in Mushroom Town sounds...ominous.

Clem, determined, asks the professor if she can have a flamethrower. Sadly, it doesn’t matter how much Clem pleads her strength and skill, those had to be SPECIALLY REQUISITIONED from the ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT. She had to call in favors! Now if you’ll excuse her, she has work to do.

We have an early dinner, and then head to other side of river for the first time. The difference could not be more marked. If this wasn’t German old-growth forest, the other side would be a jungle (a fungus jungle? A fungle.); these are lush, rolling, well-tamed agricultural fields dotted with quaint farmhouses; rural but civilized. 

The “town” is a bare handful of buildings clustered around a small mill. A general store, the mill, the inn, a sheriff’s office, and that’s really it. Blacksmith. Handful of tradespeople. Pretty standard – these are people who live to support the surrounding farmers.

Not far from there we can see the Farmers’ Temple we heard about, a plain round wooden structure with large carved symbols for Rack, Torme, and Lethe. By Valeria’s standards, it’s the absolute bare minimum of what counts as a temple. “They’re trying, I appreciate that.”

As we travel into town, Valeria can see that the people on this side of river seem to fall firmly into 1 of 2 camps: some are incredibly healthy, almost overly large and well-fed, and very happy. The other half seems sickly. Not as bad as Mornheim, but we can easily sort people into Kinda Sickly or Big Healthy. There’s a lot of coughing. Perhaps the Medusoid Mycelium?!

It’s nearly sunset; we head down to the inn. There’s a couple of people sitting around the inn, farmers getting a drink after making deliveries to the mill. A friendly innkeeper named Aaron greets us. “Ah, you must be the people I’ve heard about!”

“Yes, Zelig told you about us?”

“Yeah, I’ve got some rooms prepped for ya. What brings you to town? We don’t get many of your type around – knights, or whatever you are.”

“Oh, we heard there’d been another Knight of the Rose around,” Shoshana probes.

“That’s what Zelig says, haven’t seen him.”

“Well, uh, thank you for your hospitality?”

We head upstairs, breaking into our usual pairs of roommates - Clem with Gral, Valeria with Shoshana, Aethis in the stables weirding out the horses.

Clem, the wary soldier, checks around to ensure the room is secure. She finds something! A note has been tucked into the mattress. “YOU ARE IN DANGER. COME DOWNSTAIRS AFTER THE SERVICES START AT THE TEMPLE.”

Huh.

She tells the rest of us. Everyone is like, “...yeah, we already knew that?” But it’s excellent news that not every villager is in on it.

There’s a knock on Clem’s door. A nervous young woman is standing there, holding a tray full of pastries. “Hey, uh. My dad wanted me to give you these. They’re leftover, they’d just go stale anyway.” 

“Oh, uh, thank you! Much obliged. Um, will that be all?”

“Try ‘em, at least take a look at them. They’re pretty good,” the girl tells her insistently, and scurries off.

Clem and Gral immediately inspect the pastries suspiciously. Pulling one apart - sure enough, there’s a note stuffed in a pastry! It says “CHECK UNDER THE BED.”

Under the bed, where Clem found the first note.

Gral pops down to the tavern area to get a few more deets from Aaron the innkeeper. Turns out temple services start after sundown. “You’ll know it, you’ll see people headin’ towards it. Why, you thinkin of attending?”

“We have a paladin with us, she’s always interested in the local religious customs.”

“It’s nothing you’d be interested in. More of a town hall meeting than anything.”

“I understand. Thank you for the pastries, they were absolutely delicious!”

“Oh, thanks kindly! Sleep well.”

Sure enough, as the sun sets we see lights in the dark as people start streaming in from across the valley to the Farmers’ Temple.

Once it looks like the last stragglers have made it into the service, Clem knocks on wall separating our rooms, as a signal, and we head downstairs. We try to be quiet about it. Aaron and his daughter are there, cloaked and ready for travel. His daughter has a hooded lantern in her hand.

“I don’t know what you people came here for, but you’re not gonna find it here,” whispers the innkeeper urgently. “You have to leave.”

“What kind of danger?”

“I keep my ears open. Zelig came back this morning, told some people about some outsiders, guests – told us to have rooms ready for them, and then stay out of their way when they came for you tonight. I don’t know how long we have – they always go to temple first, but the clock’s running. I don’t know you much, but you seem-“

“This has happened before?” Valeria breaks in, concerned.

“Not in so many words, but, yeah. People have gone missing. Last time we couldn’t do anything about it. We weren’t warned; they just showed up in the night. This time they were worried – there’s more of you, and better armed. Last time was just traveling merchants.”

Gral nods. "We came here looking to find what 'they' were planning at the troll moot. We don't just want to run away, but if you're in danger for housing us, that can wait. What's next?"

“The troll moot? Yeah that’s fishy, but I don’t know how to warn ‘em away. You folks seem connected, can you get word out about this place? But be discreet. I’ve heard stories about the Penitents, and I don’t want no part of that either. There’s still good people here. A lot of people in that temple there, though – I would have sworn they were good people too, until this all started. I’m not sure what it’s all about. We haven’t been going to services, and so far they haven’t forced us to. But they had folks posted in the inn, makin’ sure you showed up tonight. 

“You gotta get moving. Rebecca can get you to someplace safe. Slip out now, and finish leaving the valley tomorrow night.”

Clem insights ‘em, and then seem genuinely honest and concerned for us.

“Whatever this is, something about you guys has them spooked, so I wanna make sure you survive. There’s strange things afoot in Herzfeld these days.”

“Would they let you leave?” Valeria asks.

“I don’t wanna know what would happen if we tried. So far they’ve been content to let us keep running the inn, serving ‘em drinks.”

“How have you evaded their influence?” Clem asks suspiciously. “What makes you the exception?”

“Not everybody’s one of ‘em. The woman, Zelig, she came out of the woods a couple months ago after the other side of river fell. She started talkin’ to people, sayin’ she knew way to protect us. People were scared, ‘specially since the old cleric went over to the other side of the river and never came back. A bunch of people went down to the temple to hear her say her piece. 

“Those that went – not all of them came back. Afterwards, she started holding services regularly. Meetings, gatherings, whatever. Those that go, their crops flourish, they get strong and healthy. Those that don’t start to get sick. Their crops die. And once people start getting sick, everyone tells ‘em to go to temple and pray about it.”

I don’t know why Rebecca and I have managed to avoid the brunt of it so far.”

Rebecca pipes up. “I’ve snuck into the temple during day, it’s open to everyone. It seems fine mostly, bit run down – everything seems to be in place. But whatever’s going on there, it’s weird. The point is, I can take you to a safe place.”

Her dad nods. “I dunno where it is. Safer that way.”

Rebecca continues, her face too grim for her young age. “I’ve been smuggling people out of the valley. Mostly, people who oppose Zelig just vanish. Dad keeps the inn running and keeps his ears open. Anyone we suspect might be in danger, we get them out.”

Valeria considers. “We’re not going until we figure out what’s going on, but staying safe for tonight is not a bad idea.”

“I don’t know how long the service will go. It can be ten minutes, it can be an hour. We have to get moving, now.”

We hurriedly discuss: we want to know what happens at the mysterious services, but Valeria and Clem aren’t exactly built for stealth. Rebecca says that during the service itself, the town��s pretty deserted - everyone either goes in or stays well away.

We decide to split the party: Rebecca will take Team Clank to meet her friends at the safe house; Gral and Shoshana will sneak up to the temple.

 “I can’t tell you where safe house is; if you get captured, you’ll spill. Meet me at the top of hill there. I’ll be hiding in the bushes right by the old fence.”

The shadowy huntress and the subtle bard manage to get close without giving themselves away. Gral gets right up next to a window, and listens in, staying out of the window’s line of sight.

Zelig’s voice booms out, rich and strong: “Brothers, Sisters, we come to our next business. You have heard of the outsiders. They come, they question us. They question our ways, our motives. They endanger our sacred project with our brethren amongst the trolls. Do not fear, for we have a solution: I sense in them a great capacity for love and understanding. Tonight we shall find them, and give them a chance to join in our love. Should they not, should they hold hatred in their hearts, then those hearts may be hollowed and made ready for our love. Come brothers, come sisters, come family.”

Gral minor illusions the hue of the night sky onto his face, hoping it’s enough cover to peek in the window unnoticed.

“It is time. First, let us renew our bonds,” the old woman intones. Zelig stands in the center of the circular room. All the people around her are tall, strong, and glowing with health, crowded together, holding hands. Zelig taps a floorboard, and Hans and Frans solemnly move to pry up the board. 

Underneath is a lush green carpet of plant life. Fungus and vines creep out of the floorboard, growing at an impossible rate. Everyone stands as a wave of vegetable and fungal matter extends through temple, climbing up the worshippers’ legs and enveloping their bodies entirely. As Hans and Frans pull back the boards, a frame rises up; vines work their way into frame, forming a picture. Blooming flowers and different shades of leaves and lichen form the image of a female figure, motherly looking, bound in roots. Yet another tapestry?

The worshippers speak in eerie unison. “Though bound, she will be free. She is the growth. She is our love. She is protection. She will grow free of her bonds. We will grow as she does.” The chanting does not falter as the wave of plant matter entirely consumes the chamber. Gral ducks back under the window as the air chamber starts to fill with dense, cloudy spores.

He’s been relaying everything he sees to Shoshana with Message, and they both agree: We’ve seen what we can see, it’s time to get the hell out of here.

Meanwhile, Rebecca leads Valeria and Clem out of the town proper to a set of  rolling hills near an abandoned granary. There’s a cleverly hidden trapdoor set almost invisibly into the sod, leading down into a small network of caves.

“They used to use these caves to make cheese! Hmm...it should be this one tonight.” She bypasses several doors set into the earthy tunnels, stopping at one seemingly at random and knocking softly.

A voice on the other side whispers, “Who are you?”

 “One who seeks freedom,” Rebecca whispers back.

“And who are we?”

“The last Free Thieves!”

...What.

The door opens a crack, and Rebecca hurriedly herds the tanks through. “The guy in charge is the little guy. His name’s Henri Decannes. Him or one of his people will help you get out. I have to get your friends.” She runs back into night, vanishing into the darkness.

Valeria groans. She understands that stabbing Henri is not an appropriate action at this time, but dang would she enjoy it. And now she’s gonna have a DEBT to him? Maaaaaaaan.

As Gral begins to sneak back over to Shoshana, behind them, they hear the congregants start to move.

[gameridernews]

[Review] Kamen Rider Ex-Aid: Gashapon Mighty Brothers XX Gashats

Time for a quick thing about some cheap alternatives to Ex-Aid’s Rider Gashat collectibles. Since these are very simple, this review is mostly just about the specifics of Gashapon stuff and maybe a bit about SG/candy toy stuff to differentiate.

Worth noting, I ordered this from CS Toys, which is a new experience shopping at an importer. These were sold as a pair because clearly they know how these are meant to be sold. I recommend going to CS Toys if you want some fresh toku goods or some used toku goods that are being resold from their shop - you'll need a currency calculator to make sure you know prices and shipping total, but the folks in charge are very friendly, trustworthy and give you tracking info. No complaints there.

With that being said, a trip down memory lane!

You've probably heard the word Gashapon and only kind of know what it is. Americans (and anyone else in the world with similar concepts) may remember fondly the prize machines at any local shop or grocery store which take quarters and give you some kind of trinket. I remember it being lots of non-brand things like generic tattoos, fake jewelry, and I know I certainly collected all of these fake Power Rangers pencil toppers thinking they were the real deal.

In Japan, it's a legit money-maker. Many popular anime and tokusatsu are in the Gashapon scene, delivering keychains and small trinkets for a few hundred Yen. It may seem like more than quarters, but that's because you're getting something with more substance.

Kamen Rider has used Gashapons for simplified versions of their Kamen Rider collectibles for a long while. Sometimes they're barely any different than the proper DX releases, sometimes the quality is... obviously downgraded. And in the case of Rider Gashats, they've gotta figure out how to stuff those things into a kind of capsule shape.

These capsules are notably larger than anything I've owned, mainly because they usually come in a little ball form (not unlike aforementioned American prize machine capsules). Even with a larger container, the Rider Gashats are split into several parts which require some assembly.

You may or may not notice already, but the Mighty Brothers XX Gashat is handled a bit differently in its non-DX release. Rather than being a Gashat taking up two slots on the Gamer Driver, they split them into two separate normal-sized Gashats, one being orange with green markings and vise-versa. They seem to be keen on sticking to this format, though a notable exception is Drago Knight Hunter Z which does include the dragon head as a separate piece.

Assembling it is pretty easy. In this case it's the two halves of the base, the handle (which requires a lot of force, implying to me this is a permanent assembly), and the display part on top. There's a tab in the back that needs to be pulled out for the batteries, which means if you don't want these to wear out over time, keep a screwdriver handy.

Also included is a sticker sheet which features the cover art, the game's name which goes on the side (it has an asymmetrical shape, so you'll figure it out), and a sticker that has the Gamer Driver display design on it. Since these lack the LEDs of the DX releases, the sticker is all you'll see in the Gamer Driver.

Also included is a little pamphlet which lists everything included in the wave. In this case, it's just the two versions of Mighty Brothers XX and the rare metallic variations. Those are just chrome plastic, I think. They're VERY reflective, going by video reviews.

And here's the two Gashats fully assembled and stickered up! I didn't apply the Gamer Driver display sticker since I don't even own the toy, so I left those aside. The sticker quality is nice - anytime I've had to use stickers, especially on Bandai Japan stuff, it's always these cheap paper stickers that easily peel off, but these have a nicer look and feel to them.

As regular Gashats, these do have one unique part, that being the display piece on top - as far as I can tell, regular Gashats basically resemble the DX releases, but these are a basic shape without molded detail, and they're hallow on the back. Which is the other reason I didn't apply that one sticker, there's no clear indication where it goes. At first glance the colors seem standard, but up close they do have a vague glitter to them. The handle is a sort of dark metallic grey.

How does it sound, though? Well, I don't have a Gamer Driver, but I can sort of speak on functionality. The Gashats have these parts opposite of the button, which are held down when used in certain roleplay toys. They’re very easy to trigger with a finger or something thinner of your choice.

When you activate the Gashat, it simply says the name of the game. No button press sound or musical jingle afterwards, just the name. Pressing again plays the relevant transformation associated with the Gashat (in the case of these two, they only have the one). It’s like they know these are for poor people who don’t have roleplay toys!

When inserted into the Gamer Driver, there's no insert sound or Level 1 style transformation, which I guess is understandable for Mighty Brothers XX. But it's certainly missed.

Opening the Gamer Driver with the green Gashat plays the Level X transformation, while the orange Gashat plays the Level XX transformation. They begin with "Level Up!" and "Double Up!" respectively. Also, they are programmed so that there's a long pause when it's inserted into the second slot of the Gamer Driver, or a shorter pause for when they're used in a Buggle Driver.

In the Kimewaza Slot Holder, the Gashat exclaims "Kimewaza!" but has no looping sound. Pressing the button again just plays an explosion sound with no finisher name shouted beforehand. This is standard for the Gashapon releases. Same functionality applies to all of the weapons too.

I didn't really notice it on these, but a thing that is noticeable on other Gashapon releases is the tweaked transformation. It seems like they cut off the end of the transformation and end it with a generic sound on each. And those which have a Level 1 transformation sound also have a bit of a chopped up version of it. I'm guessing it was some hardware limitation - perhaps by not having more than one transformation sound, these two could have an unedited one.

Packaged with Gashapons are a little miniature, which is basically just a chibi of the main Rider. In the case of Ex-Aid... it is literally his chibi Level 1 form! I don’t know what their logic is with color choices but I’m guessing they differ depending on what plastic is used in each wave. Here I guess two that were in the same plastic color as the handle. Would have been very obvious to cast them in orange and green, but cute nonetheless.

Worth noting, I don’t know when they started using hard plastic but I prefer it to the rubbery stuff that was used during Gaim, that means these have some weight and don’t get bent out of shape to the point of being unable to stand. I mean I have an orange Gaim that’s like that and that’s a bummer. Good on them for seeing new materials.

If you're going to get any Rider Gashats... probably get DX since those are top notch, or SG/candy toy versions since they're not split into separate pieces and more or less function the same. But as a cheapest alternative, Gashapon Rider Gashats are perfectly fine as long as you don't mind that seam in the middle.

I would also add that this is also the only way to get this weird separated Mighty Brothers XX variant, but literally just yesterday I posted a candy toy listing that contains them, so... take your pick! If you can't wait a couple months, the Gashapon versions are out there now waiting to be played with.

Much like when Gaim released the bulky Kachidoki Lockseed as a small variant, these seemed like such a fun novelty that I couldn't pass them up. If you missed it, previous listings outside of the Gashapon site claim that wave 12 (which is a few waves away from now) will include something from one of the Gashat Gear Duals, which I am also curious to see. I'm down for a Taddle Fantasy, but I'll take Perfect Puzzle any dang ol' day. <3

[kazbrekkerrs-remade]

I was tagged by @annabeth-will-kick-your-ass sorry it took me so long!!

rules:

Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun!

tagging: aah tbh i always feel self-concious doing this, so go ahead and do this if you want to!

a - age: 15 in like 2 weeks

b - biggest fear: lol everything

c - current time: 19:39

d - drink you last had: that good ol’ H2O

e - every day starts with: wasting time on my tablet, lying in bed for like 2 hours.. on school days? just a big heaping of tired

f - favorite song: idk but the song that’s been on loop these past few days was despacito

g - ghosts, are they real: idk I mean djinn are but what exactly do you mean “ghost”

h - hometown: like...where I live? Where I was born? Where my relatives live and I go to visit?

i - in love with: um I don’t know...sometimes life is good, and other times.. you kno

j - jealous of: nah

k - killed someone: yikes thank god no

l - last time you cried: yesterday

m - middle name: don’t have one

n - number of siblings: 0

o - one wish: I always feel like i’m being rude or impolite or mean, I wish I could work on being less mean

p - person you last called/texted: my 2 best friends

q - questions you’re always asked: I ... dont know

r - reasons to smile: I’m not in the best mood right now lol but did you know shrimp exist and so does Aladdin (1992)....dang....that’s a reason right there

s - song last sang: new perspective - p!atd

t - time you woke up: today i think 9

u - underwear color: white floral

v - vacation destination: Um I wanna go to Paris tbh or Greece....any place with nice architecture

w - worst habit: I’m not very good at keeping conversations going/making friends.

x - x-rays you’ve had: of my stomach, my feet, and teeth

y - your favorite food: I won’t say I’m not a picky eater, but I don’t think I have a favorite tbh but I do like Nihari and shrimp and I’ve wanted cheesecake and calamari for a few days now idk

z - zodiac sign: umm...gemini? Idk 

[crow-summoner]

HI!! If you're still doing the Grishaverse ask game, how about 1, 3, and 9?

Yep. Still open for any of my asks.

1. Who's your favourite character?

I'm going to cheat and give one for each of the major works.

My Grisha Trilogy fav tends to flip between the Darkling and Nikolai, but stuff in the show and RoW has currently given the Darkling the advantage. Part of his win comes from a fantastic performance from Ben Barnes, but I also love the discussion around his character. The thing that keeps drawing me back to the Grishaverse is it's potential rather than any one thing we got in canon. There's so much character history and worldbuilding that lurks under the hints we get in the books, and I love to analyze those things or expand on them in fiction or read others doing the same. The Darkling is bursting with this potential. He has a long history to uncover, a history that can explore how the setting evolved over time. He leads the Second Army, a good window into what life was like for Ravkan Grisha. His motivations and personality are ambiguous, leading people to come up with polar opposite characterizations for him. That's fascinating to me. I love a good ol' ball of contradictions so long as that characterization seems to mostly be intentional and not just the result of inconsistent writing. (There is a lot of questionable writing in the Grishaverse, but I also believe the Darkling was intended to be ambiguous in the trilogy) The Darkling is the heroic villain, the wise fool, the idealistic cynic, the simping player, etc ... I love to pick apart the various threads that make him him.

Inej is my fav from the crows duology, beating out Kaz. Once again, I love a character for their contradictions. She's a kind and compassionate person who strongly upholds her faith, and yet she also murders/maims people and sells their secrets. Neither half of her negates the other, and a big part of her arc is figuring out how to stay a good person when she has no other options but to break the law as well as her faith to survive. Inej makes the best of her bad situation, finding ways to take pride in her accomplishments even if she would never have chosen this path on her own. Unlike Kaz, whose experiences with injustice has made him lash out at those he holds responsible, Inej isn't that concerned about those who've wronged her so much as she wants to prevent those people from victimizing more innocents. Inej is primarily motivated by her strong protective streak: protecting herself when no one else would, protecting loved ones even if doing so tarnishes her own self-image and especially protecting those who society dismissed as unimportant and unworthy. She wants to help them the way she wanted to be helped in her time of need. The way Kaz helped her.

3. What's your favourite ship?

Darkina and Kanej. I've already discussed both ships in a previous ask about Alina and Kaz, so I'll go into the tropes the two have in common and my prefered relationship dynamics for the pairings in fanfic. The guy in the relationship is morally ambiguous and projects a monstrous image to achieve his goals. He's in a position power but is not the figure head, understanding that his deceptive plans work best from the shadows. He's preoccupied with accumulating power and getting back at those who wronged him. He likes to think himself above human desires and weaknesses because emotions would only compromise his plans. And yet he's fallen in love. His love interest can help his plans, but also opposes him on an ethical level, forcing him to reevaluate himself. Others can use his feelings for her against him, including the woman herself. He struggles so hard not to love her and not to compromise, but it's no use. Fine. Make him her simp. He doesn't need to bottle her laugher to get drunk off her. He's buzzed 24/7 just thinking about her. The big bad mastermind is powerless against this tiny powerhouse he fell for. And the girl in the relationship has power of her own and isn't afraid to stand up to the guy who technically has more power and rank than her. Her morals won't let her stand down. She'll push him to be a man who truly deserves her, but won't waste her life trying to change him. She has plans and dreams of her own, and that comes first. It's up to him to better himself, and if he's at least trying, he can be by her side. If he isn't, she won't let her feelings for him get in the way of what she thinks is right. She gives him hope and helps him find his humanity, and he drives her to take more aggressive actions to achieve her dreams and embrace the parts of herself she'd rather not see. It's the push and pull of opposites at work.

9. Which powers would you have, if you could choose?

Shadow powers. They get a bad reputation as the always evil superpower, right up there with necromancy. But there's nothing inherently bad about shadows. I am a night owl as my frequent posts at 1am will prove. I just feel so energized at night, in the dark, and living in a hot climate does not endear me to the sun. I would love to be able to create my own shade on command. I could sleep until noon and blot out the sunlight. I could also summon the armies of darkness and use them to do laundry or to help the elderly cross the street because they are not necessarily evil, dang it! My shadow minions can like belly rubs and fetch things like any other good boy. I would also love to throw people for a loop when they ask for the Shadow Lord expecting some bulky goth in fetish gear and instead finding me, this short, perky chick with glitter eyeshadow knitting in a corner.

[nathandgibsca]

Beyond BuzzFeed: How I used quizzes to generate 10,000+ qualified leads

“Mom, can I have $5 to buy a comic book and some chips?”

And by “comic book” I meant unwholesome magazines filled with smutty novel excerpts, make-out tips and, QUIZZES.

Oh my, the quizzes.

They’re the REAL reason I bought magazines (before BuzzFeed took over the quiz universe).

Tell me…

… do you remember taking any of these quizzes from Seventeen Magazine?

Are You Paranoid? (ummm, yes, I’m fourteen – the whole world is out to get me)

Is It Really Over? (Pretty sure it never even began, except in my head)

Do You Play Mind Games? (That’s how I bought this magazine, so heck yeah)

The power of a quiz has not tarnished since the late 1990’s.

Lots of marketers make this big mistake: assuming leads from a quiz are unqualified.

They don’t have to be – if you create your quiz right.

Like the one quiz I ran that brought in 172 additional course sales, resulting in an extra $25k in just two weeks. That’s not counting lifetime customer value, BTW.

It’s basic human nature to want to know ourselves better.

Even if it’s just for fun.

Sherry Turkle, MIT psychologist and cultural analyst, explains the popularity of modern quizzes as a way of dealing with our existential dread and altering how others perceive us. It’s not so much taking the quiz that people enjoy – it’s sharing the results.

Here’s how she put this phenomenon:  

“They’re specifically for performance. Here, part of the point is to share it, to feel ‘who you are’ by how you share who you are. [It’s] the conflation of who you are and who thinks you’re okay.”

  I know what you’re thinking:

How can quizzes help me to grow my bottom line?

‘Cuz we’ve got businesses to run and serious goals. But quizzes will help you achieve your ambitions. Specifically in terms of lead generation.

According to LeadQuizzes, the average quiz has a 33.6% lead capture rate – though in the quizzes I run, I typically see much higher conversions.

Plus, interactive content is far more powerful than a regular ol’ guide. According to a CMI survey in 2016, 81% of respondents agreed that interactive content grabs attention more effectively than static content.

Dang, that means more than 3 out of every 4 people is hooked by a quiz.

If you’re not impressed yet, that’s cool – but consider these additional points:

They’re fun. When scrolling through social media, you’re more likely to click on something with entertainment value. (Helloooo, Facebook time suck.)

The average quiz is shared 1900 times. No more forking over handfuls of cash for Facebook ads – quizzes are your new BFF.

Ideal lead magnet to attract people in the first stage of the buyer’s journey / TOFU.

You may think you’re being approachable with your 25-page free guide. But a total newcomer isn’t going to invest their time or energy in reading that. They’re in the wrong stage of awareness. What they will invest in is a quiz.

Take a look at this chart:

    Quizzes for lead generation… and beyond!

Quizzes are NOT going away. If you think they’re below you or too hard to make, you’d be wise to reconsider. Here’s why.

1. A quiz (aka interactive content) is the future

According to BuzzSumo, the average quiz gets shared 1,900 times. Compared to the average number of shares on an article, you’re entering an entirely new dimension of social media sharing stats. Interactive content is the nectar of the conversion gods.

A CMI Survey from 2016 stated that:

75% of marketing participants said they anticipated that their company or organization would increase their utilization of interactive content marketing.

As you can see from this chart, the future is already here, my friends:

BuzzFeed’s top stories just a few months ago were ALL quizzes:

2. You get more insight into your target audience

I spy with my little quiz a marketer that just hit the jackpot. 

Quizzes rock because you get to exercise your super spy powers to better understand your ideal client’s needs and desires. This sounds creepy – I know – but it helps you offer more value.

Here’s why:

You get to see the quiz’s results. Often, one result out of 4 or 5 outnumbers the others. Talk about some powerful insight to guide your future content and copy that your audience will resonate with.

It’s like asking people to fill out a survey… except it’s actually fun for them.

As Coy Whittier of Qzzr said:

“Relevant data allows you to offer a personalized content experience. Quizzes provide a way for you to get that data in a way that people like.” 

3. Segment your list the easy way

Contrary to popular belief, email marketing isn’t dead. In fact, it’s getting more and more sophisticated. You have the power to craft targeted marketing messages for specific segments of your audience – as long as they’ve told you where they belong. 

For example, you run an online business that teaches entrepreneurs how to start and grow their business. Someone just starting out needs an entirely different approach vs. someone who’s already successful.

But finding out who your audience is and getting them on the right list isn’t always straightforward.

Sure, you can send a survey or use the ASK method right off the bat. Without an incentive, who really wants to fill out a survey? I know, I know – micro-commitments are legit, but what if there was something a smidge easier?

Lucky for you there is.

It’s a quiz.

Quizzes make segmenting your list fun for your audience AND they’re just as effective as a survey. Talk about a win-win.

Here’s how you do it: Create your quiz results based on your different audience segments.

Set up tags for each one. Automatically place quiz takers in the most-appropriate funnel. 

K, I see your cocked eyebrow and objections forming on your lips, like:

Are quizzes effective for E-VERY niche?

Are all quizzes going to be a home run?

And lastly, the humdinger of them all:

What makes a truly killer quiz?

Y’know, a quiz that people can’t help but want to click-through and invest 5 minutes on? That’s what I’m about to show you.

How I attracted 10,000+ new leads with just quizzes

You might be surprised at how much work goes into creating a high-converting quiz. One that makes people fall in love with you like you’re Leo on Seventeen’s July ‘98 cover.

Coming up with a great quiz idea is easy. Things get mucky in creating relevant questions and juicy outcomes. Mucky enough to make most people throw in the towel.

Writing highly compelling quizzes – ones that people want to share – is both an art and a science.

Just like any piece of content, your quiz needs to be engaging. You don’t want to make your audience feel like they’re answering questions on a government survey.

Your questions and results have to connect back to your bottom line. In other words, the data you’re collecting needs to be relevant. And the quiz results you create should loop back to the solution your brand provides. It’s all a little mind-boggling.

Writing a quiz doesn’t have to be a struggle. Just follow the blueprint I’m about to outline for you and you’re well on your way to the Quiz Hall of Fame.

Step 1: You create a quiz topic based on who you want to attract

The title and description for your quiz have to capture your target audience’s pain point and solution. It should be inspired by the question: What keeps them up at night? 

My mom started menopause a few years ago. She’s always talking about hot flashes and mood swings and all the annoying stuff that goes along with it.

One day I stumbled upon Dr. Sara Gottfried’s quiz and immediately sent my mom the link.

She loved it. Because it spoke to exactly what she was experiencing and the outcome she desired.  When your message is on point, getting ideal clients to convert is not a challenge.

Here’s an example of Dr. Sara’s quiz.

  Step 2: “The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge”

Thomas Berger said it best:

Ask the right questions and you’ll be swimming in data that can help you refine your messaging and strengthen your value props.

Quizzes are good for more than just leads… and telling your friends which Game of Thrones character you are.

Questions help us understand our prospects and get to the root of how we can help them.

So, how do you come up with your quiz questions? Formulate your questions around what you ultimately want to sell.

For example, if you’re selling business coaching services, sse your questions to prequalify potential leads.

Like this question from a quiz “Should You Hire a Business Coach?”

Because of that question, you know this biz offers customer feedback analysis services. Now, with these quiz responses, they’ve got data about how ready their TOFU prospects are to engage in the sales funnel.

Selling products? Use your quiz questions to help your potential customer understand all the possibilities you can offer them.

To make your quiz creating process easier, I put together some example questions: 

How often do you _______? (ex. Work out, review your quarterly goals, get mad at your kids, etc.)

On a scale of 1-10, how ______ are you? (ex. Happy with your relationship, satisfied with your job, etc.)

A genie grants you one wish. What do you choose?

How likely are you to ________? (stop eating meat, stick to your budget, not check your email for a day, etc.)

Which image best describes your ________? (perfect living space, business, wedding style, etc.)

You should start with these questions in your brainstorming, methinks.

Or check out The Conversation Starters World – my go-to resource for creating outstanding questions that people will want to answer. (Psst, it also boasts a great collection of q’s for those of us who hate small talk.)

Step 3: Write outcomes that give a glimpse of the solution

Creating shareable outcomes that provide value and offer a peek at the solution you provide is an art.

But THIS is what differentiates your quiz from yet another brainless Buzzfeed post.

A major benefit of using quizzes for lead generation is that people share their results. (That’s why you’re reading this, right??)

Overwhelmed by all this juicy info? Grab my free email course and learn how to create a compelling quiz in 6 bite-sized lessons (plus steal my successful quiz swipe file) 

The copy you create for your outcomes should offer insight AND a few actionable strategies. Offer real value. The last thing you want is for people to feel like you wasted their time.

Step 4: You test a few copy variations

This step loops back to the first one: know your target audience.

Understand how they speak, what Facebook pages they like, their age, demographic, and beyond. Set up a few targeted Facebook ad campaigns.

Test a few variations of your quiz title and description against each other to see which performs best.

Step 5: You follow up with welcome emails 

A welcome sequence will warm up your cold leads. Which is exactly what you want.

Long story short: it helps them get to know you. Because odds are they took your quiz for fun. If you don’t follow up, they’ll forget you exist.

Or worse, they won’t ever have known how you could’ve potentially helped them.

You want to get those new leads into a funnel designed to:

Help you learn more about them and where they’re at in the buyer’s journey

Introduce them to you and your values, so that they can start to know, like, and trust you (before any selling happens)

Provide value and depth that far exceeds anything a little quiz can deliver

Enter the ever-gentle Welcome Email Sequence

A welcome email sequence is akin to the build-up towards intimacy in a new relationship. It’s your chance to make new subscribers in the awareness stage happy – nay, thrilled – to have you in their inbox.

When it comes to lead magnets that involve minimal commitment from the subscriber – like a quiz – a welcome sequence is more vital.

Otherwise, there’s no real reason your new leads should remain on your list when you start sending them emails appropriate for other stages of the buyer’s journey.

Cover these key items in your welcome sequence before selling anything:

Offer your new subscribers a clear overview of who you are, what you do, how you do it and why.

Establish understanding and connection. Set the scene and let people get a really good idea of your brand voice and overall tone.

How can you learn more about your new subscribers? Give them a reason to hit reply and tell you something about themselves.

Build trust and offer value. You can offer a free discovery session, send other free resources, PDFs, videos and links to popular blog posts, give them your best stuff right off the bat – they just might love you forever.

Tell your story and share why you give a damn.

A carefully crafted welcome sequence is a key ingredient for a leak-free funnel and essential to make sure those new leads stick around.

How you attract qualified leads from a quiz

It’s possible – you can create quizzes just as clickable as the ones you see on BuzzFeed. The caveat is they must have a purpose beyond mere entertainment.

What I’ve learned – through much trial and error – is quizzes come in two flavors:

BuzzFeed-style quiz where you capture a ton of leads (that aren’t really qualified)

Quiz like one stolen from Seventeen Magazine’s pages where you offer a solution to your ideal client’s real or perceived problem

Both of these outlets have very different purposes. BuzzFeed operates primarily on a traffic generation revenue model. The content itself doesn’t really matter as long as it gets the click.

You want to copy Seventeen’s purpose which is aligned with a business goal: sell magazines. Their alluringly corny quizzes help them do that.

You have something to sell, right? Make sure your quiz relates back to your overarching purpose: to sell your product, service, or course.

Will a quiz work for my niche?

The short answer is yes. From my experience, quizzes work for just about every niche.

However, they work exceptionally well in these niches:

Health and wellness

Personal and spiritual development

e-Commerce

But if you’re creative, the options of a quiz can work for all types of industries, like:

SaaS

Online service providers

Real estate

Non-profits

… and the list goes on

One thing to keep in mind is that personality quizzes tend to perform best. According to popular quiz platform, Playbuzz, 77% of quizzes that have been shared 100,000 times or more are personality quizzes. So, if you’re gunning for the fences, create a personality quiz.

For example, Dr. Kelly Ann Petrucci – whose bone broth obsession instantly makes me love her – brought in over 40,000 leads with her Gluten Intolerance Quiz.

Or discover the best facemask is for your personality, compliments of the ever-popular Birch Box:

The quiz fun doesn’t stop there. If you sell services like graphic design or photography, create a quiz that gives you better insight into your client’s needs.

Take a look at this quiz by Eight Three Five Creative, a boutique digital marketing and graphic design business:

Even realtors and other professional service-based businesses can benefit from quizzes. Check out this quiz from MyDomaine … now, honestly, tell me you wouldn’t take this quiz if you were house-hunting?

In your quiz, use you can use images, ask questions you might normally be embarrassed to ask, and gain a ton of insight into what the market wants.

“Naw, quizzes wouldn’t work in B2B or marketing… right?”

Neil Patel saw a 500% increase in leads after implementing quizzes. This is coming from someone who already has everything optimized for conversion to a degree far greater than 99% of online businesses.

Check out a few more of these client case studies that LeadQuizzes put together:

Or these ones from Interact:

If these folks can do it, so can you.

To recap, here’s your seamless system for creating quizzes that convert:

Know your audience

Ask quiz questions to lead back to what you sell

Quiz outcomes give glimpse of solution

Test quiz copy variations

Use welcome email series to warm up leads

Now let’s play a game. Drop your best quiz title ideas in the comments below. Funny, serious, business-driven or downright ridonculous—let’s get quizzical!

~Chanti

The post Beyond BuzzFeed: How I used quizzes to generate 10,000+ qualified leads appeared first on Copywriting for startups and marketers.

from SEO Tips https://copyhackers.com/2018/02/beyond-buzzfeed-used-quizzes-generate-10000-qualified-leads/

[bajancopywritingunicorn-blog]

Top Ten Bajan Christmas Gifts 2017

I know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seat and I’m sure you’re gonna love the gifts on this year’s list of Bajan products. Sure, you could buy anything that’s imported but there’s something so special about getting a gift that was made right here in Barbados. Let’s get right into it then.

10. Sophisticated Centrepiece - Jalans Creations - One of the most important parts of the Christmas celebration in Barbados and around the world is having Christmas lunch with the family. Perhaps one of the most underestimated but memorable elements of this feast is the centrepiece, so why not give the gift of decor this Christmas? Whether you have a complete tablescape planned or you prefer the minimalist approach, your centrepiece will be a focal point at the dinner table. Before I go any further, you need to know that Bajans are veryyy crtitical. They will have no problem telling people that your table “had look pop down” or “stink”. Five years from now I guarantee they will still be talking about it. That’s why I was so relieved to stumble upon this Blue Bouquet by Lana Nurse, founder of Jalan’s Creations. I kind of wish I could have one in every room. It makes me feel like I was spirited away to a fairytale sprinkled with magic dust. Just gorgeous! If you want one you better hurry though because Lana tells me you have til December 21st to place your order.

9. Vegan Cork Bags - Ole Luck - Guys, cork bags are a thing now and they look so cool. I have to admit, this was the first time I ever heard of Vegan bags. Accessories can be vegan now? I couldn’t help but wonder how they taste. Now before we start chowing down, I want you to rest assured that buying a woman a bag for Christmas is always a good idea. Still, what makes these bags so special are the fact that they’re environmentally responsible. No harmful plastics and for the animal lovers among us, no leather. Don’t ask me how, but a guy by the name of Andy makes all these gorgeous bags by hand. If you’re feeling really patriotic, you can get a wristlet with 246 or the broken trident on it, but I fell in love with the Wayuu purse. The Wayuu are indigenous people living in Colombia and Northwest Venezuela, described as the people of the sun, sand and wind. Wayuu women make a specific type of woven bag with unique vibrant patterns reflected in the sash on these Ole Luck beauties. Fun fact: The Wayuu language, which is called Wayuuniki, is part of the Arawak family.

8. Crocheted Bikini - Chain Loops Crochet - My gawd! What can I say about this talented diva? Owner Jessica Martindale creates customized fashion and soft home furnishings, while crocheting her way into your heart. Now the first time I saw her crocheted bikinis I knew I had to have one of her pieces. I ordered two. Forget your grandmother’s doilies. Jessica designs one-of-a-kind crocheted jumpers, skirts, dresses, chic baby blankets, earrings and even slippers. Yes, you heard me. She crochets frikkin slippers. But back to this sexy bikini tho. I’m not even telling you to buy this for someone else. This thing will make your life ten times sexier. You worked hard all year so you best believe you deserve it. Yasss!

7. Gold glitter Barbados Throw Pillow - ChicFit Inc - This cute little cushion stopped me right in my tracks. This ain't no run-of-the-mill throw pillow. You can decorate any space with it, no matter the colour scheme. Classy level 1000! Listen to me. ChicFit is not messing around. They put a dang Barbados map on a black pillow and glitterized it in gold. What the what?! This throw cushion will change your life so you're welcome. Just gaze upon its glory. Also, can I just say how much I love ChicFit's logo? It speaks to me. It says “I love yoga times infinity”... or someting* so.

6. Deck The Halls - Classy Raggs Interiors - You have no idea what this means but you will. The brainchild of Ana Gill, Classy Raggs will leave you in stitches. If you’ve ever imagined what a home makeover should look like, then Ana should have her own TV show. Her work is phenomenal. She creates bespoke furniture, soft furnishings, you name it, she can bring your dream to life. Just look at what she did to this yacht! Yachtastic!

5. Smell My Nuts - West Indian Soap Co. - Not to be left out of the game, there’s definitely something for the guys too. As gross as it sounds, this was one of the most hilarious Christmas gifts I’ve stumbled upon thus far. There’s Man Soap, Man Wash and Man Lotion. Your man does not need another tie. Stop it. He wants you to get creative and think outside the box. Get him a gift that’s both playful and practical. Go ahead!  Smell deez nuts... coconuts, that is ;)

4. A Pinterest Box - HomeMade Luxe - If you’re heavily into DIY and crafting or you’re all thumbs like me and need detailed instructions to make anything, then this is the gift for you or someone you know. Former Barbados athlete Keitha Moseley-Dendy, The Bajan Texan, as she calls herself, started this business from a simple idea to bring Pinterest into real life. Stop pinning and start crafting, folks. Take all those cute projects you love online and decorate every room in your house with them. Brilliant idea! One might wonder where the mother of twin girls could possibly find the time but she spent many nights on her living room floor packing hundreds of boxes to keep her customers happy. That type of sweat equity deserves some kind of award. Now that HomeMade Luxe is finally available in Barbados, don’t lag!* In minutes you can have the sexiest pinned projects in your home. This month’s box is a Starburst Mirror. Who doesn’t love a gift that is both fun and functional? Shoot, you could even get some friends together and throw a Pinning Party.

3. Pillowgrams - Simmone Thorpe started thinking the other day about how wasteful cards are. To be honest, I never really know what to do after I read a card someone has given me. It’s so pretty I can’t bear to throw it away but I can’t really hang it up either so it invariably gets shoved down in a drawer somewhere, only to be found months later. You can’t enjoy the beauty of a greeting card from inside a drawer. Simmone wanted to find a way to make the memory last in a way that’s visible and functional. That’s how the Say it With a Pillowgram message pillow was born. This gift can be cute, funny, inspirational, sentimental, you can even add a photo of you and your loved one to create a wonderful keepsake. Pelt* a few of these customizable throw pillows into the mix to enhance your decor. Ladies, don’t we always try to stop at two and end up buying six?

2. Galaxy Eyeshadow - Fenty Beauty - This one was tough, I put this at the top of my personal Christmas Gift List because Rihanna. Seriously, though, what girl on earth doesn’t want eyeshadow that shines like diamonds and reflects all the colours of the milky way? I want my face to sparkle like the night sky too. Basically giving any gift from the Fenty Beauty line would make any woman in the world scream, from Match Stix to lip gloss to Trophy Wife highlighter. I’m dreaming of a glitter eyeshadow Christmas.

1. But First... Prosecco - West Indian Soap Co. - Start clutching your pearls ladies because this next gift will change your life. You know that moment when you never thought something was even possible and then all of a sudden Jesus and the whole universe answered your silent, unspoken prayers? This is basically what the But First Prosecco line of decadence is all about. Drowning your sorrows takes on a whole new meaning when you can literally bathe in your favourite sparkling wine. Cleopatra bathed in milk so the mere thought of bathing in Prosecco and smelling like it just tickles me pink. I can’t wait to be drenched in Prosecco.

Stay tuned for full features of some of these wonderful Bajan businesses. Big shoutout to the members of Women Making Money Work ladies networking group.

Bonus* 

Bajan Glossary

If you’re not a Bajan here’s a key to the terms you need to know.

Had look pop down/ had look stink: This means that whatever you were talking about looked terrible, not just bad. Basically pop down and stink are interchangeable.

Someting: This means something. Someting so: This means something along those lines.

Don’t lag: This means don’t get caught napping/ don’t delay.

Pelt: This means throw, but forcefully.

[fesahaawit]

Thoughts on Owning a Lexus After 9 Months

Ever wondered what type of cars us financial bloggers drive? If so, you’re in for a treat today :)

My man MP from MustachianPost.com just collected data from over 20 different bloggers on what they’re riding these days, and why, and was kind enough to let us debut it on Rockstar Finance yesterday. Check it out when you get a chance!

The Cars of Personal Finance Bloggers

Some of the bloggers featured are Joshua Becker from Becoming Minimalist, Brandon from Mad Fientist, Justin from Root of Good, Jesse from YNAB (his car was my favorite surprise, especially considering he founded a budgeting company! ;)), the Financial Samurai, Mr 1500 Days, Paula from Afford Anything, The Frugalwoods, Physician on Fire, and Jason Fieber from Free At 33 – formerly Dividend Mantra.

You may be surprised what frugal people rock ;)

And if you haven’t been reading this blog for more than 9 months, you may be surprised what I drive too. In a nutshell, I went from this:

(1993 “Frankencaddy” – 90,000 miles, fully paid off, side hustle king!)

To this:

[2008 Lexus RX-350, 80,000 miles, car loan]

All in a span of a couple of weeks and totally unplanned, haha… I wrote about the whole thing in depth here (Bye Bye Frankencaddy, Hello Car Payments!), but the short version is that I needed a bigger, more reliable, car as I was taking over responsibility of driving my little nuggets around every day, and out of all the cars we looked at this was the only one that *excited me* enough to want to spend any money. I don’t really care about labels or how fancy/expensive things are, but stuff I consume DOES need to make me happy. And as long as I can afford it, it’s fair game.

The beauty of personal finance, eh?

Anyways, it came down to picking up a used minivan or a used luxury car (both around the same price, interestingly enough) and, well, for once I splurged and picked up the fancier one. I did wish I had more time to search for a cheaper and privately owned model vs snatching it from Carmax, but outside of that I’ve surprisingly had little regrets. In fact, I’m actually MORE in love with it than the day I took it home!

It’s been about 9 months now since owning it, so today I thought I’d share my thoughts so far. While hopefully not losing any more of you in the process :)

(The day I blogged about this purchase broke the record for the most unsubscribes ever here! HAH!)

We’ll start with the items that shocked me the most…

#1. A luxury car feels damn good to be in!

I know everyone (including myself) likes to say “a car is just a car and it gets me from point a to point b”, but the truth of the matter is that some just feel nicer to be in! You may not need or want a luxurious ride, but they’re definitely not all made the same. And never again will I assume people are buying them simply for “status.” I know many are, but there’s something to be said about the quality too. I’m just hoping I haven’t screwed myself from ever owning a hoopty again, haha…

#2. I’ve got more swagger than usual.

I don’t know if this will shock you as much as it did me, but I actually feel more confident riding around in this thing. I don’t know why that is, and I know I probably shouldn’t, but in all honestly I do. I just feel GOOD driving it around town, and even more so when I step into it for the first time of the day! Now granted, I also felt pretty pimp’ish rolling out in my Caddy too, but there’s a nuanced difference in the type of swaggership going on here, haha… How do you put a cost on that when factoring stuff in? ;)

#3. My charitable giving has skyrocketed

Tell me the truth: if you see a fancy car rolling up to a street corner and a homeless man is there asking for money and the driver turns a blinds eye, what’s the first thought that goes through your mind? Be honest! Mine? “What an a-hole!” “You can afford that car but can’t afford to dish out a few dollars? Come on now….”  Haha… Now what if this same car that rolled up was a beater? ;)

Obviously there are a TON of factors as to why someone does or doesn’t give out money, and I’m clearly in no position to judge, but for me personally, I just find it MUCH harder to *not* give when I’m sitting in a car that’s not at all a necessity. And if I had to guess, I’d say my charitable given has at least tripled since buying this car. Whether on the street corners or in life in general. Who would have guessed that??

In fact, this same period of ownership has also seen me finally get our philanthropy project up and running too after all these years!! Which has already helped give out over $5,000! Now perhaps it’s purely coincidental, but then again who knows… All I do know is that I’ve become much more charitable since picking up this ride and it’s nice.

#4. Expensive $hit still breaks :)

Going down to the not-so-shocking list, no matter what car you drive – old, new, expensive, cheap, fancy, boring – all cars require maintenance. Now some are more quality made and will last longer than others, but at the end of the day no car stays alive without some good ol’ TLC.  And not surprisingly, TLC costs a lot more on luxury cars vs standard ones.

I’ve already had to do oil changes, regular scheduled maintenance, and lately all new tires due to some bare threads I knew about when first picking it up, as well as a nice tire popping when some asshat left razor blades in the middle of the road, ugh. All things that come with the territory of car ownership, but all things that cost more typically with a luxury car than not. This area I don’t like so much ;)

(Also – as VIP as they treat you at the Lexus dealerships, and they def. treat you well!, it’s definitely not worth the mark up as I found trying to experience it for the first time… yikes)

#5. Expensive $hit has too many fancy buttons!

If I gave you a dollar for how many times my dang tire pressure light comes on, you’d have $15 already. I’m all for smart technology and keeping me in the loop, but my goodness does it seem a bit too much at times. Anytime the temperature changes drastically that tire gauge goes bananas over here… It even goes off when my *spare* tire needs air! Haha…

I miss the days where I just chalked it up to the car “being old” and carrying about my business ;) Though that’s probably not the smartest route to take either, and leads us to the next thought…

#6. I’m taking MUCH better care of this car than any others.

I’ve only owned one newish car before – a new-to-me Toyota Highlander back in the day, with chrome rims and all! – but even then I only did the bare minimum and was stressed any dang time new car repairs needed to be done. Which actually tells you something good right there – if you can’t afford the repairs, you can’t afford the car!!

But in this more-mature phase of mine, over 8 years since owning that car, I’m quick to act like an adult now and actually face the music anytime something needs attention. I still cringe every time and don’t enjoy it, but these days the precious cargo I drive around are much more important than the cash. So I suck it up and get stuff taken care of in a more timely manner. I’ve also since learned that I require a mechanic who I can ask a billion and one dumb questions too and not get laughed at! ;) I hate not knowing if I’m getting ripped off or not!

#7. Lots of you reading this right now also have a Lexus RX :)

The last thing I’ve learned was that, despite oodles of people hating me for this and leaving my site,  many others shared that they HAVE THE EXACT SAME CAR!! Which is fantastic! And I appreciate all of you who reached out to tell me so during the apocalypse too. (Though more of you emailed me on the side vs publicly stating it ;))

I started a tally so I could share the total numbers, but it seems I lost it all and could only find one of the messages I saved which coincidentally also came from a $$ blogger! Per Grant from Millennial Money:

“I have a 2007 and I love it. Best car ever. I bought mine off someones lease and it only has 61,200 miles on it. I live in the city and only drive like 1,200 miles a year, so I plan on driving it for at least the next 20+ years! One of my life goes is to never get rid of that car”

BOOM! So frugal or not, it always feels good knowing you’re not alone, haha…

And that’s where we stand at least now with the Lexus experience :) Will I regret it later and come back singing a different tune? Perhaps. But so far so good, and I look forward to seeing how many miles I can rack up on this thing before it runs into the ground…

I’m going for 218,000 so I can bet out the attendees of Camp Mustache! (Nice find, Gwen!)

What car you rollin’ in these days?

********* PS: Here’s that list of bloggers’ cars again if I haven’t scared you away yet: What 21 financial bloggers drive. They’re def. more in line with what you could expect, haha…

Thoughts on Owning a Lexus After 9 Months posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

Thoughts on Owning a Lexus After 9 Months

Ever wondered what type of cars us financial bloggers drive? If so, you’re in for a treat today :)

My man MP from MustachianPost.com just collected data from over 20 different bloggers on what they’re riding these days, and why, and was kind enough to let us debut it on Rockstar Finance yesterday. Check it out when you get a chance!

The Cars of Personal Finance Bloggers

Some of the bloggers featured are Joshua Becker from Becoming Minimalist, Brandon from Mad Fientist, Justin from Root of Good, Jesse from YNAB (his car was my favorite surprise, especially considering he founded a budgeting company! ;)), the Financial Samurai, Mr 1500 Days, Paula from Afford Anything, The Frugalwoods, Physician on Fire, and Jason Fieber from Free At 33 – formerly Dividend Mantra.

You may be surprised what frugal people rock ;)

And if you haven’t been reading this blog for more than 9 months, you may be surprised what I drive too. In a nutshell, I went from this:

(1993 “Frankencaddy” – 90,000 miles, fully paid off, side hustle king!)

To this:

[2008 Lexus RX-350, 80,000 miles, car loan]

All in a span of a couple of weeks and totally unplanned, haha… I wrote about the whole thing in depth here (Bye Bye Frankencaddy, Hello Car Payments!), but the short version is that I needed a bigger, more reliable, car as I was taking over responsibility of driving my little nuggets around every day, and out of all the cars we looked at this was the only one that *excited me* enough to want to spend any money. I don’t really care about labels or how fancy/expensive things are, but stuff I consume DOES need to make me happy. And as long as I can afford it, it’s fair game.

The beauty of personal finance, eh?

Anyways, it came down to picking up a used minivan or a used luxury car (both around the same price, interestingly enough) and, well, for once I splurged and picked up the fancier one. I did wish I had more time to search for a cheaper and privately owned model vs snatching it from Carmax, but outside of that I’ve surprisingly had little regrets. In fact, I’m actually MORE in love with it than the day I took it home!

It’s been about 9 months now since owning it, so today I thought I’d share my thoughts so far. While hopefully not losing any more of you in the process :)

(The day I blogged about this purchase broke the record for the most unsubscribes ever here! HAH!)

We’ll start with the items that shocked me the most…

#1. A luxury car feels damn good to be in!

I know everyone (including myself) likes to say “a car is just a car and it gets me from point a to point b”, but the truth of the matter is that some just feel nicer to be in! You may not need or want a luxurious ride, but they’re definitely not all made the same. And never again will I assume people are buying them simply for “status.” I know many are, but there’s something to be said about the quality too. I’m just hoping I haven’t screwed myself from ever owning a hoopty again, haha…

#2. I’ve got more swagger than usual.

I don’t know if this will shock you as much as it did me, but I actually feel more confident riding around in this thing. I don’t know why that is, and I know I probably shouldn’t, but in all honestly I do. I just feel GOOD driving it around town, and even more so when I step into it for the first time of the day! Now granted, I also felt pretty pimp’ish rolling out in my Caddy too, but there’s a nuanced difference in the type of swaggership going on here, haha… How do you put a cost on that when factoring stuff in? ;)

#3. My charitable giving has skyrocketed

Tell me the truth: if you see a fancy car rolling up to a street corner and a homeless man is there asking for money and the driver turns a blinds eye, what’s the first thought that goes through your mind? Be honest! Mine? “What an a-hole!” “You can afford that car but can’t afford to dish out a few dollars? Come on now….”  Haha… Now what if this same car that rolled up was a beater? ;)

Obviously there are a TON of factors as to why someone does or doesn’t give out money, and I’m clearly in no position to judge, but for me personally, I just find it MUCH harder to *not* give when I’m sitting in a car that’s not at all a necessity. And if I had to guess, I’d say my charitable given has at least tripled since buying this car. Whether on the street corners or in life in general. Who would have guessed that??

In fact, this same period of ownership has also seen me finally get our philanthropy project up and running too after all these years!! Which has already helped give out over $5,000! Now perhaps it’s purely coincidental, but then again who knows… All I do know is that I’ve become much more charitable since picking up this ride and it’s nice.

#4. Expensive $hit still breaks :)

Going down to the not-so-shocking list, no matter what car you drive – old, new, expensive, cheap, fancy, boring – all cars require maintenance. Now some are more quality made and will last longer than others, but at the end of the day no car stays alive without some good ol’ TLC.  And not surprisingly, TLC costs a lot more on luxury cars vs standard ones.

I’ve already had to do oil changes, regular scheduled maintenance, and lately all new tires due to some bare threads I knew about when first picking it up, as well as a nice tire popping when some asshat left razor blades in the middle of the road, ugh. All things that come with the territory of car ownership, but all things that cost more typically with a luxury car than not. This area I don’t like so much ;)

(Also – as VIP as they treat you at the Lexus dealerships, and they def. treat you well!, it’s definitely not worth the mark up as I found trying to experience it for the first time… yikes)

#5. Expensive $hit has too many fancy buttons!

If I gave you a dollar for how many times my dang tire pressure light comes on, you’d have $15 already. I’m all for smart technology and keeping me in the loop, but my goodness does it seem a bit too much at times. Anytime the temperature changes drastically that tire gauge goes bananas over here… It even goes off when my *spare* tire needs air! Haha…

I miss the days where I just chalked it up to the car “being old” and carrying about my business ;) Though that’s probably not the smartest route to take either, and leads us to the next thought…

#6. I’m taking MUCH better care of this car than any others.

I’ve only owned one newish car before – a new-to-me Toyota Highlander back in the day, with chrome rims and all! – but even then I only did the bare minimum and was stressed any dang time new car repairs needed to be done. Which actually tells you something good right there – if you can’t afford the repairs, you can’t afford the car!!

But in this more-mature phase of mine, over 8 years since owning that car, I’m quick to act like an adult now and actually face the music anytime something needs attention. I still cringe every time and don’t enjoy it, but these days the precious cargo I drive around are much more important than the cash. So I suck it up and get stuff taken care of in a more timely manner. I’ve also since learned that I require a mechanic who I can ask a billion and one dumb questions too and not get laughed at! ;) I hate not knowing if I’m getting ripped off or not!

#7. Lots of you reading this right now also have a Lexus RX :)

The last thing I’ve learned was that, despite oodles of people hating me for this and leaving my site,  many others shared that they HAVE THE EXACT SAME CAR!! Which is fantastic! And I appreciate all of you who reached out to tell me so during the apocalypse too. (Though more of you emailed me on the side vs publicly stating it ;))

I started a tally so I could share the total numbers, but it seems I lost it all and could only find one of the messages I saved which coincidentally also came from a $$ blogger! Per Grant from Millennial Money:

“I have a 2007 and I love it. Best car ever. I bought mine off someones lease and it only has 61,200 miles on it. I live in the city and only drive like 1,200 miles a year, so I plan on driving it for at least the next 20+ years! One of my life goes is to never get rid of that car”

BOOM! So frugal or not, it always feels good knowing you’re not alone, haha…

And that’s where we stand at least now with the Lexus experience :) Will I regret it later and come back singing a different tune? Perhaps. But so far so good, and I look forward to seeing how many miles I can rack up on this thing before it runs into the ground…

I’m going for 218,000 so I can bet out the attendees of Camp Mustache! (Nice find, Gwen!)

What car you rollin’ in these days?

********* PS: Here’s that list of bloggers’ cars again if I haven’t scared you away yet: What 21 financial bloggers drive. They’re def. more in line with what you could expect, haha…

Thoughts on Owning a Lexus After 9 Months published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B