#but jesus until 2025?

[neobastard]

🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨

tnt has officially put the void within on pause between chapters 7 and 8. according to their statement on the official twitter account, it's to "make exciting improvements based on your feedback".

all plot activities (void essence collection, battledome fights, volunteer shifts, and story updates) will be on hold, and voidworks specifically will be getting an update.

the void within is slated to return in early 2025, but the team's assured us that there will be plenty of holiday activities in the meantime.

i have absolutely no clue what this means for the future of the plot.

but i'm going to trust that tnt made this decision because they felt that the feedback they received required such a long hiatus to make changes around.

[yusuke-of-valla]

I'm saying this right now anyone speaking new Pokémon content into the world at tomorrow's Nintendo Direct better SHUT THE FUCK UP that IS A THREAT

I need the Pokémon company to learn that we can go a year without a Pokémon game without the franchise imploding so they'll fucking take their time with the games again so I'm going to need people to stop being like "oh maybe there'll be a Pokémon announcement that'll be nice" I AM BITING YOU I AM BITING YOU I AM BITING YOU I AM BITING YOU

we're fine! We'll live! Go play Pokerogue, it's fine!

[daddy-long-legssss]

it feels like everyone on the feed is going through the trenches rn. i see you beloved moots and i’m sending you all hugs and squeezes.

i’m finding the holiday season (and life in general) particularly challenging myself. hoping better days are ahead for all of us and that we all get time to rest.

[blackbirdloki]

Ayo?

I did not mean to do that but hey I'm not complaining

[geminimoonmadness]

✰NEPTUNE IN ARIES✰

A once in a lifetime astrological event!

©️GeminiMoonMadness

✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Neptune takes roughly 165 years to transit the whole zodiac and has been happily swimming through his own sign of Pisces since 2011. Neptune will transit Aries from 2025 to 2039, spending about 12 and a half years there in total, with a few dips in and out at either end. This represents the start of a new cycle of inspiration and change.

✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Here are the dates:

-Enters Aries on 30 March 2025

-Retrogrades into Pisces on 22 October 2025

-Re-enters Aries to stay from 26 January 2026

-Dips into Taurus on 21 May 2038

-Final visit to Aries from 21 October 2038

-Enters Taurus to stay on 23 March 2039

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Neptune was last in Aries from 1861 to 1875 and brought to light humanity´s impulsiveness translated into wars, the creativity to invent and the determination to discover.

As Neptune transits the signs, it reveals what we idealise and look to for redemption or salvation. In Capricorn (1984-1998) it fed the idealisation of corporations and big business and in Aquarius (1998-2012) it idealised science and technology. In Pisces (2011-2025), it appears to be idealising deception itself because we’re all drowning in fake news and propaganda in a crazy-making post-truth hall of mirrors.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

WHAT HAPPENED IN HISTORY THE LAST TIME NEPTUNE WAS IN ARIES?

60 – 73 CE

-In Rome Christianity was spreading fast

-In Palestine there was a Jewish uprising against the Romans in 66 and Josephus wrote his history of the Jewish War which became a major source on Jesus.

388 – 401

-Christianity had become the official imperial religion of the Roman Empire in 391

-Theodosius prohibited all pagan cults and worship.

432 – 419 BCE

-The ancient Greek city states were always having falling outs/battling.

-The Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta began and ran for decades.

879-892

-Alfred the Great created a small fleet of ships to fight naval battles against the Vikings.

1206 – 1219

-Genghis Khan began his conquest of Eurasia

-The Christian Crusades were in full swing

1370 – 1383

-The Hundred Years War between England and France was going strong, it started in 1337 and ended in 1453.

-The Catholic Church split in 1378 and there were two rival popes until 1417

-The Church came under attack from 1377 by John Wycliffe, an English theologian.

-John Wycliffe (as above) completed the first translation of the Bible into English in 1382.

-1370s, the story of Robin Hood began to circulate (a tale of a classic Aries character).

1534-1547

-Henry VIII broke from Rome and declared himself supreme head of the Church of England

-This led to the dissolution of the monasteries in 1536 and the destruction of religious relics and churches, and endless fighting between Catholics and Protestants.

-In the 1540s Valerius Cordus wrote Dispensatorium, the first pharmacopeia covering medicinal plants, minerals and how to make drugs, published in 1546. He also discovered ether in 1540, which was used in pain relief for surgery – and for getting as high as a kite!

1697 – 1711

- Lots of fighting and rebellions in Europe over various things, including the War of Spanish Succession in which England took Gibraltar in 1704.

-England was getting tired of fighting the Scots, and in 1707 the Act of Union formed a new entity called Great Britain, unifying England and Scotland.

1861-1874

- American civil war commenced

- germ theory was invented

-Violence on the Australian goldfields

-Slavery

-Abraham Lincoln becomes president

-Franco-Prussian War

(Can you notice a trend?)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

PREDICTION FOR 2025-2039:

Neptune in Aries could bring pioneering visions that reach into every part of society, with lots of new ideas and progressive thinking. There could be idealistic revolutions and social activism, visionary rebellions, crusades for truth and religious wars. Wars may be fought based on lies and deception (nothing new there then), or fought with bioweapons, chemicals and viruses.

At best, Neptune could inspire compassionate action and leadership that takes us away from the potential for war. But it could just as easily reveal the corruption and weakness of leaders that create power vacuums and trigger war by accident.

There may also be a massive loss of faith in leadership, a loss of belief in the nation or the system. People could turn away from the system out of disillusionment or even boredom, and lose themselves in escapist pursuits, like gaming or virtual reality.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

WHAT HOUSE IS YOUR NEPTUNE IN?

WHAT HOUSE IS YOUR ARIES IN?

WHAT DEGREE IS YOUR NEPTUNE?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[intothedysphoria]

Steve wasn’t fooled by Robins pretences of why she wanted him to have a kiss for New Years Eve the moment they walked into Carols party.

He was well aware she was just trying to palm him off to someone in order to make eyes at Heather Holloway.

The someone Robin had chosen just so happened to be Billy Hargrove. The same Billy Hargrove Steve had given himself an eyebrow slit for. Jesus wept.

At least Billy seemed to be as startled as Steve was too. Though that was probably because they were being forced into three centimetres space of each other by a 5’4 lesbian.

Steve, in all of his infinite wisdom, decided to instinctively grab Billy’s biceps. Well, there was no doubting how much he worked out.

There was a beat of silence. Then Billy moved away and started busying himself with drinks. Steve took a moment to feel the cold hands of rejection before realising he was being ushered over.

That was new.

Generally, there were only two settings of a Hargrove. Scowling and morose or flirting with pretty much everybody but Steve. Nobody had bothered to tell Steve about the secret third setting.

This Hargrove was charming, in a dorky way. It might have been the extensive charms of Carols drinks cabinet, but Billy was shockingly earnest. They talked about Star Trek, college basketball and Steve’s brief attempt at a YouTube channel until 11pm.

11pm was when Billy extended a hand and asked Steve if he wanted to dance.

The thought that Billy looked like Fred Astaire in a British soccer uniform only briefly crossed Steve’s mind before accepting.

“Danced with a lot of boys then, Harrington?”

The smile Billy flashed at him could have melted the sun. Steve did his best to keep it together.

“Not really??????”

Grinding against Tommy in 12th grade probably didn’t count and the dance Dustin had forced him to do with Eddie, Steve refused to think about. That had been a long two hours.

Billy twirled him and Steve felt his eyes grow about six times wider than they were normally.

The sound of a camera flash interrupted what could have been a nice moment. Looking over, Robin, Carol and Heather were giggling in a corner, Heathers iPhone raised aloft.

The rousing chant of kiss started and Steve realised they’d been dancing for an hour. Billy looked absolutely petrified. So Steve followed his gut.

He pounced as the fireworks started and Billy just about managed to catch him as Steve began his endeavour of what Dustin would describe as “being a human face hoover.”

Well, happy 2025 to Steve Harrington.

And, Steve hoped, happy 2025 to Billy Hargrove too.

For @shieldofiron @oopsiedaisiesbaby @dragonflylady77 @thatgirlwithasquid @harringroveobsessed @thissortofsorcery @bigdumbbambieyes @fizzigigsimmer @robthegoodfellow @runraerun @flayedintheusa @femmebilly @hellcheercaine @destroya2005 @kittyphoenix12-xx @camaro-and-smokes @spaceofentropy @writer-in-theory @suspiciouslackofclowns I hope you all have an amazing new year and that 2025 brings all good things to you

Also shoutout to @ihni for genuinely making my week a couple months back and making wonderful art under my post during what ended up being a very stressful day so tysm

[starberry-cupcake]

GUESS WHO'S BACK??? Happy new year you bone-loving weirdos (affectionately)!!! Let's start 2025 with Nona!!!

previously, in this react series:

we (I mean me, but also you, alongside me) finished harrowcita del 9

we read some short stories

I made a gideon craft as a gift and the person I made it for told me that the recap I wrote in the back made it to some discord server somewhere

my legacy is being unfunny

NOW LET'S START WITH NONA:

(that's how I called 2 of my great-grandmothers)

I decided to skip all the praise for the book because some of them were getting a little too involved with the story and I don't want to know anything, thank you very much

I did however read the blurb in the inside cover that I missed the last time

I wonder if at some point I could make like an audio version of a recap as I read, because my reaction when I read the following was Something, but then again you'd have to deal with my pronunciation of the names and idk if I want that

anyway, blurb says "with Pyrrha, Camilla and Palamedes"

???????????????????????????????????????????

I thought it was judith and coronabeer twin??????

I'm gonna change her name from regina george twin to coronabeer twin now because she outlived her other nickname

she's the only nickname graduate so far

who took palmolive out of the tamagotchi river loft???????

who set him loose????

how is phyrrha there, she was with gideon/harrow/gideonharrow fusion??????

"each night, Nona dreams of a woman with a skull painted face"

don't we all

the list of books says "Nona the Ninth" and so does the title in the paratext

instead of dramatis personae we have a guest list for a party

there are a lot of dogs invited to the party, which is nice

one of them has six legs

there's also people with BOE names

and one kevin, love to see it, I'll remember him

lots of meme potential there

there are some camilla annotations beside all the people from BOE allegedly nona wants to invite

still not seeing coronabeer and/or judith

gonna imagine that, wherever they are, they're making out

good for them

we got two poems after, the latter of which is a bit heart wrenching, I don't wanna ask about it

then we got a title that looks like a bible verse

had to google it and it is a verse about peter and a disciple finding jesus's tomb empty

ice cube barbie is locked tomb jesus confirmed

I've never mentioned this before but this has happened to me ever since book 1, and since it's here again I'm gonna say it

I have noticed I have a bad knee jerk reaction to the adjective 'fat' being used so often for so many things, but I'm trying to work thought it

don't wanna project my trauma onto unintended narrators

we got a summarized recount of events of what might be how emperor asshat and some of his lyctors got where they got from maybe present times???

there's talk about cryogenics for a lot of people and an evacuation plan from earth

and names are erased but we have some initials that could be augustine, mercygirl, cassiopeia and gideon

I don't think c is not!dulcinea because she was meant to be a newer model lyctor

during this recount he's in the beach alongside harrow, who he says he's gonna hurt

harrow apparently says she still loves him

gideon would be kicking him in the nuts

also, I thought the emperor was with yandere twin

what the hell happened between the two books???? where's everyone????

DAY ONE (hot sauce and 5 days until the tomb opens) CH 1

we've got a recorded statement of what feels to me like the Pool Situation Wink Wonk You Know The One

is she harrow??? or is harrow in the river with the emperor and this is a new person???? who is this????? is harrow's soul in the river???? where is gideon's perfectly preserved body that we knew camilla was carrying around with coronabeer and judith???

I don't know anything

but my wife is here, so it's all good

also, she's apparently sharing a body with palmolive now

so now the wife ideal turned into a polycule situation, I guess

didn't have that in my 2025 cards

I have two hands, apparently, idk

turns out, palmolive was somehow freed from his tamagotchi loft in the river and placed in camilla's body so they share it

how? by who? when?

glad you asked, I don't know

they're sharing space now, that's all I know

it's kind of like the lyctors should have been if the emperor wasn't an asshole, I guess

because it seems they can also switch easily and like coexist without totally cutting the other one out

it feels a lot healthier and organic in their relationship, even though palmolive is a soul guest

palmolive says camilla's body is a temple, so I'm glad we agree

pyrrha is also there, I assume taking over og!gideon's body fully, since he died, afaik

they're taking care of nona, who doesn't know who she is and they don't seem to know either, but if she has harrow's memories, I don't know what to tell you

they're living in a complicated militarized situation with few resources and little light use

palmolive thinks he could write explicit materials for a living but camilla doesn't want them to be remembered for that

palmolive wrote a lot of Things to his bae in correspondence, so maybe that's already part of his legacy

nona is sent to her room while palmolive and pyrrha argue about BOE acting weird

camolive want to rescue people, pyrrha thinks it's a bad idea and wants to get nona away from the planet

pyrrha also mentions a "she" that's crazier than camilla and makes references to commander wake me up when september ends but that one died???? twice????? so idk who this new "she" is

let's remember, for the record, that both og!gideon and pyrrha were Intimate with commander wake me up before we go go

apparently there are more people who are planet refugees in this one planet than two houses combined

which doesn't surprise me in the least, because that's how oppression often works, but is good to have it confirmed

heralds are also still a problem and camilla wants to fight them

pyrrha thinks that's a bad idea, because there's data of that not being possible

but she doesn't know that camilla hect is perfect and can do everything right always

it is important for me to clarify that, more than anyone ever in this book series, nona is the true definition of what in my land we refer to as: "está en un cumple"

the literal definition of the phrase means "she's in a birthday party"

the idiom definition is that someone is totally unaware of what is going on, without understanding what's around them, often used for people in a content state while unaware of a problem everyone else is worrying about

I truly think it's a very good way to describe her and I can't translate it in a way that feels the exact way, especially due to the party context

I headcanon her wearing this shirt

she also wants to save the animals, while camolive want to save the people

pyrrha is just tired and wants to retire to a farming planet to live in peace

I get it, though, imagine having to serve emperor asshat for so long

poor cavalier deserves some rest, og!gideon had the right idea when he exited the entire situation

saw an out with that fight in the river and left the chat

pyrrha is also worried about BOE capturing and torturing camolive for interrogation

and there seems to be an underlying plan between camolive and pyrrha that I'm not entirely sure of yet

nona, apparently, goes to school, because she's in a cumple, as previously established

going to school on top of the eye in the sky and the military issues and the social strife and the potential torturing doesn't sound ideal but very glad there's still an education system in place among all that

AND THAT'S IT FOR NOW!!! It's proving a bit complicated to do recaps with a paperback but I'm gonna try to find my footing!! See you on the next one!!

[ravenstargames]

✦ LOST IN LIMBO — 2024 WRAP-UP + 2025 MILESTONES

And here we are, after the holidays! Another year has come to an end and this one was simply incredible. You can anticipate what our most important milestone was for 2024, but there has been a lot going on this past year that maybe we all have forgotten. So let's see what these four friends have accomplished this year, and what's coming for a 2025 that already looks promising!

Good news is that we achieved every goal we set up for this year! Isn't that awesome?! We published our first demo, hosted our very first casting call (and it was nuts!) and so much more! Let's see it :3

✦ OUR STUDIO, RAVENSTAR GAMES, WAS OFFICIALLY FOUNDED ON JULY!

Let me tell y'all that when you finish college, keep studying because it turns out the job market is absolutely devastated and cannibalized, and then have an existential crisis, the last thing you think about is saying "fuck it we ball" and open a studio. I mean, we are literally four people with no stable jobs (well, Kayden is an exception) and with no previous experience making a game entirely by ourselves.

So this was a huge step for us. A scary one. A terrifying one, and still is. But we've survived so far, so let's hope we can still do just that—survive at least long enough to start living. Calling this our job would be a dream come true, but there's still a long road ahead until that!

✦ WE SUCCESSFULLY FUNDED LOST IN LIMBO ON KICKSTARTER!

And you were right if you thought this was our most important milestone of the year!

Honestly, I low-key thought we weren't gonna make it. As I said—four people with no budget, paying for what we couldn't do ourselves with what our grandmas give us on Christmas—what were the chances anyone would be interested in helping us fund our game?

But we still had to do it, because making it this far and not risking not being funded would be madness. So there we were, opening Photoshop with tears in our eyes, watching our mediocre bank accounts get obliterated and working on the Kickstarter graphics with nothing but glitter and Jesus.

Also, we were asking for a lot of money and it was our first project. We've seen firsthand a lot of projects fail, a lot of people being scammed, and a lot of projects not going like the audience and devs wanted. So I thought we were a bit doomed.

Well, turns out there are people who believe in us and our project, so I was proved wrong. Maybe our graphics were really cool in the end, huh? I worked my ass off on those! /silly

So 980 people donated almost 60k euros and on September 27th, Lost in Limbo became officially a thing. Which is wild. I don't think I believe it still, honestly.

Of course, not everything went smoothly! As first timers we made a lot of mistakes, but we knew we were going to mess up something. Sometimes it was us, sometimes it was Backerkit or Kickstarter...Truth is watching a million YouTube tutorials, reading articles or learning about other devs' journeys doesn't make you ready to run a Kickstarter. There's some stuff you can only learn while running it!

So we ordered our merch, had our 🎉first delay🎉 because we made a mistake with our pins, and managed to deliver our digital goodies to our backers without blowing up (almost) anything.

✦ WE FUNDED OUR VERY OWN SOUNDTRACK!

And it'll consist of 19 original tracks by our wonderful composer Tomás Palazzi! 💜

✦ WE RELEASED OUR FIRST DEMO!

And overall, people seem to enjoy it! In fact, we recently reached +10k downloads and +71k views on itch! T^T

Of course, getting our demo out there was nerve-wracking, but we received a lot of love, and that includes wonderful and constructive feedback from a lot of folks who love our project and want it to succeed in its best form. Incredible content creators played our demo, reviewed it—and we've met amazing and stunningly creative people in the process!

However, as with anything you publish for others to see, not everyone is going to like it, and I think as a team we needed to also be exposed to that. There have been negative reviews that have helped us improve, and some others that have made us realize that our game, just like any other, isn't for everyone, and that's okay—our game isn't perfect and it won't ever be, and that's okay. As creators and creatives, accepting the critiques that help us improve is as important as letting go of the ones that contribute nothing, and to accept there are some things we don't want to change.

Of course there have been nasty or rude reviews, (most of them private) and albeit there were very few of them, but that was guaranteed. We try to have a few laughs at those!

✦ WE CREATED OUR OWN DISCORD SERVER!

And it's brimming with life!? We are almost 400 members and I may be biased, but it's full of amazing, supportive, and incredibly creative people. It feels so strange to see people talk daily about your game, about your characters—theorize, laugh, ask stuff...I can only hope our members feel at home as much as we do, because even if we can't interact with everyone all the time, just reading y'all makes us extremely happy :')

✦ WE STARTED WORKING ON OUR EXTENDED DEMO!

And it's going great! The script is doing better than expected, even if I'm editing more stuff than I originally planned. Implementing feedback we received during our survey is helping me improve the pace, storytelling and dynamism of the script. I'm an overthinker so I know I'm most likely editing / adding more stuff than I planned, but so is the way of the west.

Raquel has (as you all know) been working on the reworked sprites, and for now there's 4/7 done! 💜 We also have finished one of the new backgrounds and one is close to being done. That's 2/3!

Also, thanks to y'all buying extra stuff via Backerkit, we've managed to raise a bit more money and have been able to commission Airyn for help on the extended demo, as well as Allie (our editor) and the wonderful, the Ren'py Jesus, Feniks, to help us with our programming adventures! So technically we didn't reach our second stretch goal (outsourcing) but the extra coins have allowed us to hire some help!

That's all for 2024! Phew! Now, our plans for 2025 are quite simple (me when I lie).

First of all we want to ship our Kickstarter merch (more on that on a Kickstarter update coming soon!)

Finish production for our Kickstarter artbook

Release our Extended Demo

For now, we are aiming for a June 2025 release of the prologue, and the first chapter of every route will follow soon after.

Open our Patreon!

We have to think about this thoroughly, plan it, and make sure we can offer quality stuff worthy of your support. Some of you have asked a lot about a Patreon but we want to make sure we make it right!

On a personal note—this year I have been working on my OCD, as last year, and booked with two therapists. My therapist (the one who diagnosed me last year), and a different one specialized in OCD. This year has been full of highs and lows, but I'm in a much better headspace than I was last year, to the point of my meds being lowered! ✌️

I also enrolled for my PhD program like a month ago, and I got accepted after a lot of college shenanigans that almost became my villain arc. So this year is going to be funny for me!

Every member of the team has had their personal issues to deal with this year. Mental health, family, etc. It hasn't been an easy year for us, but I'm happy to say we've been there for each other.

And I think that's all! Overall it has been an insane year. Very productive, very nerve-wracking, and incredibly awesome. We can only hope this year is as good as 2024 if not even better, both for us as people and for our game. We hope your 2024 has been good, and we also hope you are excited to make 2025 a year you can be proud of; but most importantly, a year in which you can take care of yourself, be at peace with who you are, discover new things about yourself, and crave a path to the future you want to live!

Talk to you all soon! 💜

[chengrioshi]

Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu guang threesome? 👀👀

(My bbgs frrrr)

(Feel free to ignore btw, hope you have a great dua and HAPPY NEW YEAR)

(Also you ate with the nsfw link click)

anon... you are BAAAAD (and so am i)

this is completely new territory for me so if its a flop.... i'm sorry, i tried loool <333

happy new year to you too!!! i hope 2025 is the best for you ❤️

taking care - cheng xiaoshi & lu guang

cheng xiaoshi doesn’t mind sharing his belongings with those he loves. that includes sharing you with his best friend, lu guang ❤️

cw: smut, implied female reader, oral (f receiving), p in v, anal, unprotected sex, spitting, spanking, dirty talk, crying, threesome, creampie, use of pet names, porn w no plot, reader is in a relationship with cheng xiaoshi, minors pls dni 18+only.

how the fuck did you end up here?

excitement, fear, anxiousness. it’s all there…tenfold.

you’re lingering in the doorway to the shared room of your boyfriend and lu guang, his best friend. suddenly feeling self conscious, in nothing but a towel, your hair still dripping wet… amongst other things.

your eyes flick toward the bunk beds, and then back to the white haired man standing before you who’s eyes are boring into you, not blinking. you gulp as he slowly drops to one knee before you.

"go on," your boyfriend gently nudges you from behind. "let him have a taste."

he fiddles with the towel where its tied around your chest, loosening it until it's nothing but a damp slump on the floor. exactly what you'll be if lu keeps looking at you like that.

cheng wraps his arms around your waist from the back and rests his chin on your shoulder so he can get a better view of his friend in front of you.

"go ahead, buddy. we gotta take care of her real good, right?"

fuck.

lu takes your right leg, guiding your foot so that it rests on his knee, staring intently at your bare, soaked pussy.

"lu, hurry up and - oh shit" he cuts you off by licking from your dripping hole to your clit.

your whole body shudders as lu begins to lick and suck at your clit, and you thread your fingers through his hair, seemingly grasping on for dear life. “don’t fucking stop, lu”

cheng grabs your jaw, yanking your head toward his face and crashing his lips to yours with a growl.

typical cheng getting possessive. this was his idea.

you whimper into chengs mouth, using one arm to wrap around the back of his head and the other to steady yourself to buck your hips into lu’s face. this is absolute heaven. let’s face it, they’re both hot.

it takes a total of 7 seconds for you to cum all over lu’s face once he sticks a finger into you, curling it to hit your sweet spot whilst he sucks on your clit harder than ever.

your knees buckle beneath you, chengs arms around your waist saving you from flopping to the floor along with your long forgotten towel.

lu steps back, sucking the finger that was just inside of you mere moments ago.

“good job,baby” cheng purrs into your neck from behind, squeezing your hips lightly before ushering you toward his bottom bunk of their shared bed. “you can go first.” he says to lu, watching you as you climb atop his mattress, turning to lay on your back and spreading your legs for them.

the sight before you is enough to have drooling and dripping all at once. they’re both standing at the foot of the bed, having lost their boxers, both cocks standing loud and proud. lu is gripping his impatiently, so ready to be inside of you.

he silently climbs toward you, spitting on your needy pussy before gathering it with the head of his cock to lubricate you. how thoughtful.

his cock sinks into your entrance and he looks down between you both as he rises and thrusts himself inside.

“oh…jesus fuck you’re so tight, y/n.” lu finally breaks his silence.

he breaks his restraint, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder before he starts pounding his entire length into your pussy.

lu feels so good. moving with such purpose, you roll your hips to meet each thrust, feeling his pelvic bone brush over your clit each time. you can feel your orgasm rapidly building in the pits of your stomach.

you gasp and grab onto lu’s biceps as you start to come undone, turning your head and making direct eye contact with cheng. he still stands at the foot of the bed, his cock still free yet untouched. the look in his eye is simply carnivorous.

you cry out as the intensity of your orgasm washes over you, shuddering and shaking, never once breaking eye contact with cheng, somehow getting more turned on under his gaze.

“like what you see?” you tease, flipping lu over and lining his cock up with your pussy, sinking onto him slowly, earning a hiss from him.

chengs eyes darken as he closes in on you, spitting on his hand and pumping his cock, pushing you forward so your chest is flush with lu’s. “cheng? what are you..”

oh… you feel it.

you feel just the tip of your boyfriends cock pushing into your ass. this was new for the two of you, so he takes his time pressing into you, repeatedly stopping to let you adjust to his girth and to make sure you’re okay.

once cheng is bottomed out, the three of you take a minute to bask in the glory of the situation. your body feels as though it’s on fire, in all the best ways.

lu hooks his arms under yours to rest his hands on your upper back, whilst cheng holds onto your hips as they begin to work together, doing all the work themselves.

lu fucks up into you from the bottom whilst cheng fucks your ass from behind, nothing but the noise of heavy breathing and skin on skin filling the room.

lu’s cock seems to harden even more and he tenses under you, he’s close, and you’re not far behind him. you clench around both men as you sink your teeth into lu’s shoulder bracing yourself to the best of your ability for what’s to come.

“ah fuck, y/n” lu growls a bunch of the filthiest profanities as he tips over the edge and releases inside of you, his entire body shuddering as he whimpers.

with this, cheng pulls you back by your arms so that you’re semi-upright, still with lu’s throbbing cock in your pussy as he reaches around, rubbing your clit in an attempt to help you both reach your orgasms.

your body is overcome with the hottest chill, every nerve inside of you on fire as the sensation of both holes being filled drives you over the edge and you squeal, cumming as cheng continues to thrust into you harder before he growls, burying himself to the hilt and spilling into you.

“fuck me. did so well for us baby.” cheng coos into your neck after pulling out of you, helping you lift your body from lu’s before you both flop down beside him.

the three of you are exhausted, yet no words are needed as both men each wrap an arm around your waist, skin still glowing and relaxing in fucked out bliss.

this is definitely going to be a more regular occurrence…

note:

forgive me lord, for i have sinned.

i need to go lie down after this HAHAHAHA. thank you for the request, anon❤️ i LOVED it

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

Kate reminded me that with a heart of gratitude, I too can do hard things.

'Coming in the front entrance here, having made so many quiet, private visits, actually it's quite nice.'

Courage is being brave enough to do what you should do even when you're afraid.

January 17, 2025

The princess has had a lot of practice making the hard things look easy, and her recent visit to the Royal Marsden Hospital was no exception.

One year ago today, January 17, 2024, Kensington Palace informed the world that the princess was in hospital recovering from a major surgery, and she would be on a leave of absence until after the Easter holidays. Unfortunately she and her family were blindsided, and rightfully devastated by her unexpected pathology results which revealed that her surgery actually removed a malignant tumor. This news came on the heels of the king's own cancer diagnosis and an unprecedentedly vicious (where is kate) media campaign fueled by a sewer squad.

This week, Catherine marked her "cancerversary°" with gratitude when she generously allowed the world to witness her royal RETURN (to one of her medical facilities) with a heart of gratitude as a patient and also as the better half of a new patronage.

Unfortunately Catherine is no stranger to hospitals. She even spoke about the relief she experienced during childbirth because the hyperemesis gravidarum was finally behind her. She also explained that being ill is often harder on the caregivers who feel helpless, a sentiment she echoed as she engaged with cancer patients and staff.

"William didn't feel like he could do much to help...it's hard for the people around you to see you suffering"♡

'I recognise that beep!'

What many don't know is that Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is very common in patients regardless of illness or treatment. Some "former" cancer patients become violently ill upon their return to a treatment facility. I personally know one (1) patient who became nauseous via telephone as she overheard the familiar beeping sound of an infusion pump.

"For me, I had all the memories of being in hospital & being sick. It wasn't the sort of place where I wanted to hang out & hang around so I was really desperate to get back to normality"♡

Catherine's medical journey should have been confidential. It wasn't anyone's business that she was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. Royals, presidents, elected officials and other celebrated people are today privately battling life threatening illnesses, a right she was denied. Although she was not afforded medical privacy, she and her family embraced yet another unfair hardship with grace, and they will use it to serve others.

Wimbledon 2024: This photo captured the pure joy that resides inside of The Princess of Wales. Despite the notable puffiness in Catherine's face (from all the chemotherapy drugs), the Princess still found a way to be happy as she showed up to serve the British people, and represent the royal family, as patron.

Gratitude is "letting others know that you SEE that they've helped."

One of the most teachable lessons on gratitude was documented by a Jewish physician named Luke, a disciple of Jesus Christ. Doctor Luke shared a historical moment of gratitude when ten (10) lepers were healed by Jesus but only one (1) returned to offer gratitude.

Be Thankful Luke 17:11-19 "While Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem, he was going through the area between Samaria and Galilee. As he came into a small town, ten men who had a skin disease met him there. They did not come close to Jesus but called to him, “Jesus! Master! Have mercy on us!” When Jesus saw the men, he said, “Go and show yourselves to the priests.” As the ten men were going, they were healed. When one of them saw that he was healed, he went back to Jesus, praising God in a loud voice. Then he bowed down at Jesus’ feet and thanked him. (And this man was a Samaritan.) Jesus said, “Weren’t ten men healed? Where are the other nine? Is this Samaritan the only one who came back (returned) to thank God?” Then Jesus said to him, “Stand up and go on your way. You were healed because you believed.”

Here's a sweet memory & teachable moment when Princess Charlotte expressed gratitude for her very own posy bouquet: "thank you."

Bravo Princess Catherine. We see you and we appreciate you! Thank you for continuing to use your influence to teach what is good. You've inspired us to do the same.

"It is a relief to now be in remission and I remain focussed on recovery. As anyone who has experienced a cancer diagnosis will know, it takes time to adjust to a new normal. I am however looking forward to a fulfilling year ahead. There is much to look forward to. Thank you to everyone for your continued support."

Memory Lane:

One month before Catherine would undergo her own surgery, she performed her patron duties for the Evelina London Children's Hospital

Inspirational Music for strength in the Journey

°A cancerversary is a compound word that describes a significant day of celebration for a person who’s experienced cancer. Cancerversaries can be celebrated anytime and anyplace. The specifics are to be determined by the celebrant. Some celebrants choose to celebrate cancerversaries annually on the specific day of diagnosis. Others choose to celebrate annually on the day of surgery when the cancer was removed from the body. Some choose to celebrate monthly and others celebrate day-by-day or minute-by-minute. Cancerversaries are as unique as the individuals who choose to celebrate them.

First Hospitalization

[thetragicallynerdy]

So the Canada Disability Benefit (CDB) (which the gov't passed last year, Bill C-22), which was passed with the intent of "lifting people with disabilities out of poverty," finally got funded in the budget that was released today - and it's such fucking bullshit.

It's a maximum amount of $200/month ($2400/year)

You have to be approved for the Disability Tax Credit (DTC) to be eligible - something that advocates were specifically saying should not happen because it's so fucking difficult to get on. The CDB should be barrier-free.

Doesn't start until July 2025

It's such fucking bullshit. $200 a month? And not for another fucking year? Not to mention the DTC requirement? Are you fucking kidding me?? I'm so mad.

This CBC article about it can contains this quote - "Khedr estimates that roughly 1.6 million Canadians with disabilities are living below the poverty line. But Tuesday's budget says only 600,000 would be eligible for the new national benefit." This is because of the DTC requirement. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, Canadian folks, please for the love of god contact your MPs and tell them how awful this is. It needs to be more money, it needs to be enough to actually have an impact, and it needs to not require DTC eligibility.

I'm so mad.

[whencyclopedia]

Mountain Meadows Massacre

The Mountain Meadows Massacre (11 September 1857) was a conflict between the Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and the wagon train of the Baker-Fancher party, who were traveling through Utah to California, resulting in the deaths of 120 emigrants of the wagon train. The event is featured in the 2025 TV miniseries American Primeval.

The massacre is the best-known and most infamous of the Utah War (1857-1858), an armed conflict between the Mormon community of the Utah Territory and the US government. The Mormons had migrated to the region after repeated persecution in the United States, including the execution of their founder, Joseph Smith (l. 1805-1844), in Carthage, Illinois, in 1844. In 1846, Brigham Young (l. 1801-1877), Smith's successor, led his people to the Utah Territory, then part of Mexico, to establish a religious community outside of US government jurisdiction. By the time they reached their destination (now known as Salt Lake City, Utah) the region had become part of the United States.

In 1857, President James Buchanan (served 1857-1861), sent US military to the Utah Territory to establish order, which was seen by the Mormons as an attempt to continue the persecution they had faced in the United States. Brigham Young, who had been appointed governor of the territory by President Millard Fillmore (served 1850-1853) in 1851, responded by declaring martial law and forbidding any US travelers from crossing the territory without a permit from his office.

The Baker-Fancher party, knowing nothing of Young's proclamation or the rising tensions, were on their way to California when they were attacked by Mormons disguised as Paiute Native Americans along with actual Paiute allies on 7 September 1857. The wagon train defended themselves for five days until they were lured out by promises of safe passage and massacred by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, resulting in the deaths of 120 men, women, and children above six years old.

The Mountain Meadows Massacre has been the subject of several works of non-fiction and fiction, most recently featured as the pivotal event in the miniseries American Primeval (2025), which, although it takes certain liberties with known historical events, is largely accurate in its depiction of the time period, the tensions in the region, and those associated with the 1857 massacre.

Mormon Migration West

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was founded by Joseph Smith in Fayette Township, New York, on 6 April 1830. In 1831, he moved the church to Ohio where he ran into trouble with the local authorities, who accused him of bank fraud. He then moved on to Missouri where non-Mormons rejected his teachings, eventually leading to the Mormon War of 1838. Smith then moved his congregation to Nauvoo, Illinois, in 1839, but by 1842, the church was again threatened by non-Mormons who objected to Mormon doctrine and practice, including the baptism of the dead and polygamy.

In 1844, while Smith was under arrest for inciting a riot, a mob stormed the jail in Carthage, Illinois, and killed him. His successor, Brigham Young, decided there was no place for the church within the confines of the United States and moved his people west in 1846 to the Utah Territory, which was then part of Mexico.

Brigham Young

Unknown Photographer (Public Domain)

Continue reading...

[heresthestorymorningglory]

Would've Could've Should've - Part 3

Happy New Year my lovelies! I hope 2025 has been good to you so far

I decided we'll kick off 2025 with a little bit of my yellow spandex toting husband. As always, @ken-dom your unwavering support must be acknowledged.

Previous parts here

As always, this NSFW 18+, but this go round I'm adding a big part B to this warning; being that this chapter contains SA and rape. If you don't know what the first acronym is, you understand a single word.

This warning does NOT come lightly.

PLEASE proceed with caution and mind your triggers <3

Y'all should know by now I rarely post one shots…..so yeah, this will be multiple parts….I’m just not sure on the final tally yet.

This is your final warning.... ^^^^^^^^^

6 moths earlier

You locked the door with a sigh, turning off the open sign. You turned on your heel, and jumped slightly realizing someone was still there. 

You relaxed a little when you realized it was Logan. 

“Jesus Logan,” you sighed “I thought you left”

He didn't answer, just got to his feet, his eyes locked on you, like a predator with prey. 

“What?” You asked, slowing your steps, coming to a stop in front a few feet away. 

He didn’t answer, just moved closer

You had never been unsettled by Logan before, quite the opposite actually, he was a regular, and god was he a hot mess…no one drank a bottle of whiskey a night who didn’t have some sort of fucked up trauma. 

He wasn’t hard to look at, you flirted shamelessly and he tipped well. 

That had been your regular routine for months, he had taken a liking to you or at least that’s what your coworkers had said. One night on your closing shift you had half jokingly hinted at the idea of sleeping together, told him you lived in the apartment upstairs. You had gotten into a bit of routine, a comfortable one, but now the bar was closed and it was just the two of you….and his eyes had a look like you’d never seen before.

He was quiet, you were both quiet, and unmoving. 

And then he stalked forward, you moved backward just as quickly until you found yourself pinned against the back wall. Everyone else had been sent home for the night, you were alone, the smell of whiskey hung heavy in the air between you.

“You’re a fucking tease”

You watched as he dropped his hand, a single claw slowly appearing from between his knuckles. Heart beating hard against your ribcage. 

“Logan-” you whispered, voice barely audible 

Another hard swallow and you shook your head; your eyes fixed on the single blade as it came to rest between your cleavage

“I…I didn't -” you stammered “I wasn't-”

You squeezed your eyes shut as he reached and squeezed your jaw hard “Don't lie to me”

“I'm-” you opened your eyes “Logan…” you tried keeping your voice even and failed. Your customer service mask was starting to crack. 

Still acutely aware of the blade between your chest. 

Logan's eyes dropped from yours and you couldn't move, you didn't dare try

You watched as the single claw tore through fabric.  

“Logan pl-” 

You were cut off as your head made contact with the wall, giving you an instant headache. 

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, his bruising grip still around your jaw. 

T-shirt now hanging uselessly with a clean slice down the front. Your chest rising and falling so rapidly you couldn't hide your fear even if you had wanted to. 

You breathed heavily through your nose, a single tear slid down your cheek, pooling on the edge of his finger, where it gripped your cheek hard. 

“I’m not going to hurt you” he breathed, hot against your cheek; despite his not drinking as much as he usually did, he was still drunk. 

“You are hurting me” you said through clenched teeth 

He hummed, cocking his head slightly, seeming to consider this 

“What’s a little more then, hmm?” 

He thrust you hard against the wall, knocking the wind out of you for a beat; you gasped as he hooked his claw where your bra met in the middle, pulling hard, the fabric separating, exposing your bare chest; but Logan seemed uninterested and you shivered, feeling a draft from somewhere in the empty building. 

Your breathing quickened as you watched the tip of his claw press in the centre of your chest and he leaned forward, his weight keeping you stationary against the wall. 

Running had crossed your mind, but even if you did manage to somehow overpower him, drunk or not, he could cover two of your strides in one; you were trapped. 

You whimpered slightly as he pushed the tip of his claw harder against your skin 

“Logan” you pleaded and it seemed to fall on deaf ears, his eyes fixed on the spot where his claw pressed into your flesh. 

“It’s so….” he spoke quietly, almost to himself  “Smooth” he finished 

You watched him study you and all at once it clicked in your brain and it was like you could read his mind “Logan don’t-!

Your voice was cut short by your own shrill scream as a white hot pain exploded from your chest; your hands trying frantically to pull at Logan’s wrist, trying to stop him from dragging any further. 

All at once, both of your hands were pinned against the wall over your head, gripped tightly in his other hand. 

You gasped in pain, fighting to catch your own breath as tears streamed freely down your cheeks. 

He laughed appreciatively “Ooh she's a screamer” 

A tear slipped off the end of your nose as you dropped your head, watching your blood coat the shiny metal before he stopped just above your belly button. 

You squeezed your eyes shut again, struggling to get air into your lungs.

“Does it hurt?” His brow furrowed slightly before he looked back at you 

“Yes,” you rasped, voice barely audible 

“Interesting…” he mumbled, again more to himself 

Another swift slice, this time across your raised arms; your knees buckled as you screamed in pain. Logan’s grip on your wrists tightened to keep you upright as he hummed appreciatively. Warm blood trickled from the three fresh cuts across both arms. You hadn’t even noticed he had unsheathed the other claws.

You grit your teeth, swallowing hard, wrists aching, your chest throbbing, shirt stained with blood. Logan pulled you from the wall, and you practically tripped over your own feet as he dragged you through the bar and up the small narrow staircase to your apartment. You had mentioned in passing during one of his night long visits that you lived upstairs; apparently he had committed that fact to memory. 

He wrenched the door open and threw you inside, kicking it shut again so hard your picture frames on the wall rattled from the impact. 

When he finally released your wrists your arms immediately found their way around yourself. Logan stood in front of you, pacing back and forth, blocking your exit…although you didn’t really know where you’d go at two o’clock in the morning. The downtown wasn’t exactly busy at this hour. 

So you opted to try something different…

“Logan, you don’t wanna do this” you spoke softly, your eyes never leaving his pacing form “Don’t do this…” 

He stopped mid-stride, turning on his heel to face you directly. 

“What is it you think I’m gonna do?” He asked, his voice low 

“Kill me” you said simply, heart slamming in your chest

He just shook his head with an unnerving chuckle, advancing on you, and you instinctively took steps backwards.

“If I wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead” His eyes darkened as he spoke. Your eyes never left his, and you jumped slightly as your back hit the far wall. That unmistakable metallic ring as at that same second, claws glinted between his knuckles. 

Before you had time to think, they were at your throat, forcing you to lean your head back against the wall. 

“See?” he breathed, the slightest hint of amusement in his tone and you winced as claws dragged down the length of your neck, leaving behind tiny cuts in their wake. “Easy”

“What do  you want then?” you panted, your neck stretched as far back as you could manage in an effort to avoid more injury. Afraid to hear the answer, but already knowing what it may be. 

“You know,” he mused, stepping back only slightly “I watch you with them, every night; you dress like a slut, and you flirt your way through the entire bar for hours. He stressed the last word like it was something painful for him to witness. 

“I don’t-” you started to protest and he thrust you against the wall, hard

“Shut, the fuck, up” he warned

You fell quiet, eyes slipping closed, as you fought to ignore the stinging coming from your cuts.

“You saunter around all night in this tiny fucking skirt, and don’t expect me to do anything about it?” 

As he spoke, the hand not at your throat, forced its way between your legs. You fought to keep them closed, to no avail, he was stronger than you; even more so than you’d thought. 

“Logan-” 

A hot sting across your cheek, snapping your head harshly to the side you bit down hard on your lip, splitting it. 

“I’m still speaking” he snapped “You’re Mine”  he demanded through clenched teeth “Do you understand?”

You stood still, too afraid to speak

Logan’s attention turned to your bloodied lip, now that you were finally able to drop your head. His calloused thumb dragging deliberately slowly over the cut, making you whimper. His other hand, still between your thighs, you jumped when you felt the cold metal bite into the sensitive skin, followed by the all too familiar sting 

He brought his now blood covered thumb to his own lips before sucking it clean.  

You watched as his eyes slipped closed and seized your opportunity, with all the strength you could manage, praying it was enough, shoved him hard, using the wall to your advantage.

You had caught him off guard, sending him stumbling backwards. He landed hard on your glass top coffee table smashing it under the impact of his weight. 

You ran for the door, yanking hard on the handle before your head snapped backward, Logan’s hand tangled in your hair, gripping hard. His free hand shoving the door closed. 

“Where you going, little mouse?” he whispered next to your ear, your neck craned back at a painful angle.

You sucked air through your teeth, but didn’t answer. 

“Not sure what part you didn’t understand” he growled, yanking you backwards, away from the door “You’re mine” 

Your breath caught in your throat as you let out a laughing cry “I wouldn’t be yours if you were the last man alive” you strained “You’re a pathetic drunk”

“You really don’t learn, do you?” he laughed darkly 

He pulled hard on his fistful of your hair and you tripped over your own feet as he dragged you down the hallway toward your bedroom.

You stumbled ahead of him as he pulled you into the bedroom, catching yourself on the edge of the bed before Logan’s hand, painfully gripping your shoulder, turned you to face him, pinning you against the mattress as he stripped his own clothes off; muscles rippling under his tanned, toned skin.

“Don’t know where you thought you’d get looking like that” he scoffed, playing with the tattered remains of your t-shirt. 

“And now, you pissed me off” 

Thick fingers closed around your throat, squeezing too hard. Your mouth dropped open, fighting for air as your feet left the ground and Logan picked you up by the throat, like you were a rag doll. Nails clawed uselessly at his forearm, little red welts disappearing almost as fast as you could make them. 

He dropped you on the bed, and you gasped, filling your lungs with air as soon as you were able. 

Then, before you could think to do much else, your head still spinning from lack of oxygen, he was there,looming over you, teeth bared as he tore the fabric of your skirt like tissue paper and thrust one hand between your legs.

You tried in vain to kick him off and failed, crying out as your knee twisted at an unnatural angle and he used his own knee to pin it to the bed. 

You screamed, more in frustration than in pain. You struck him hard across the face, the ring on your finger, turned the wrong way around slicing him across the cheek. 

He growled, deep in the back of his throat, grabbing your wrist tightly as you watched the tiny, insignificant cut disappear. 

His grip was painful as his eyes locked with yours. “Move again, and I’ll break them”

You ignored him, wrenching your wrist free, striking him hard across the face a second time. 

He sighed heavily, grabbing both wrists twisting hard, the bones splintered like cheap chopsticks. 

You screamed with a hiccupping sob; the tough no nonsense exterior facade you used at work had long vanished. 

Logan took both your wrists in one hand, thrusting them up over your head, the white hot pain shooting down the length of your arms. Using his free hand and his teeth to tear a chunk of fabric from your already ruined skirt, tying them tightly to the headboard. 

You closed your eyes, catching your breath, but also trying with everything you had to pull your hands free. Your pulling only making the binds tighter and your vision go white with excruciating pain. 

“Logan,” you pleaded “Please don’t do this, you don’t want to do this; I know you don’t” 

Cheeks streaked with tears as you fought against every instinct to keep from vomiting from the pain 

This made him snort with a laugh “Aside from what I drink, you don’t know anything about me” 

His fingers curled around your extended forearm and pulled. 

You screamed, breath catching in the back of your throat as you sobbed in pain. You couldn't even find your voice to beg him to stop. 

His eyes raked over your naked, bloody body. One hand still between your thighs, fingertips of the other playing with the tacky drying blood that had dripped down your chest. 

“I know what I want,” he spoke softly, not looking at you, but focused on his fingers drawing crude patterns in the blood over your skin; leaving goosebumps in their wake. “And I’m going to take it” 

He shoved your legs apart, putting himself between them; fingers digging into the meaty flesh of your thighs as he kept you still; your sobs of pain and fear only drove him further.

A guttural scream as claws dragged themselves down both thighs, before hands gripped them painfully. Logan’s breath hot against your core as you felt fresh blood trickle down your thighs, staining your sheets. 

“Not wearing any panties” he noted “And you’re going to tell me, you don’t want this?” he chided before his head dropped between your legs.

You pulled hard on your binds, screaming in pain before slipping into darkness.

***

You jerked awake, pain bringing back to your nightmarish reality

Twisting in the sheets, Logan’s hands gripping you tighter; until his tongue lapped at your centre. You cried out, the warm, wet sensation in stark contrast to all the pain he had inflicted. 

The iron grip of his hands tightening as he fucked you with his tongue, and in spite of yourself, a moan slipped from between your lips. 

You hated yourself for it… but it wasn’t painful.

He sucked your clit into his mouth, flicking the little bundle of nerves with his tongue and you bit your lips together, fighting against the words threatening to spill from your lips. Fighting to keep yourself quiet.

The contrast of your screaming wrists, stinging thighs and the gentleness of his tongue were too many sensations at once. 

Logan let out a hum of his own from between your legs, his tongue never stopped moving.

Your hips shuddered against his hands, desperate to feel anything other than pain and then, Logan stopped.

Your heart slammed against your ribcage, maybe he had thought better of it…maybe he changed his-

Your breath caught in the back of your throat, your body lurching upward on the bed, blazing hot pain shooting through your shattered bones making you scream as he thrust two thick calloused fingers inside you; your back arched off of the mattress as you cried out, desperate to catch your breath as Logan moved to lean over you.

“That's it” 

You breathed hard through clenched teeth, letting out a broken sob as his fingers moved, thrusting…stretching…tearing.

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears streamed down your face and Logan’s free hand gripped your jaw hard “Look at me” he growled 

When you didn't open your eyes he struck you hard across the face, gripping your jaw with a bruising strength.

“Don't make me break something else”

The pain of your wrists was enough to make you open your eyes; lashes wet and irises glassy, still gritting your teeth hard as he spoke

“We're gonna play by my rules” his breath hot against your cheek “Is that understood?” 

You nodded with a grimace 

“I can’t hear you” he snapped

You swallowed hard; your voice barely a whisper as you struggled to get out the word “Yes”

His fingers thrusting too hard, dragging over the same spot repeatedly; making you shudder underneath him. It had started to numb.

His hand still gripping your face hard, lessened if only a fraction, tipping your head down slightly, the tip of his nose meeting yours.

You swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath, his fingers had slowed, but were still moving.

He stayed like that, hovering over you for what felt like an eternity, his breath mingling with yours as your arms ached painfully over your head. 

Fingers gripping your chin tightly, keeping you where he wanted. 

 Fighting against his grip as he kissed over your face, across your jaw and down your neck. His tongue licking tears from your cheeks. 

You gasped as his mouth latched on to your neck, sucking harshly; teeth piercing your skin, soothed immediately by his tongue. Making you cry out

He either didn’t notice, or didn’t care as he carried on down the expanse of your body; you whimpered each time his teeth would pierce your flesh, then gasp as he would run his tongue over the wound, making it sting slightly. Fingers still pumping with a slow, deliberate rhythm. 

“L-Logan please” you voice shuddered 

Your senses were overloaded, your whole body shook under his hands as he reached the apex of your thighs.

He ignored you, moving lower, dragging the tip of his nose from the edge of your knee, all the way back up to the apex of your thigh; his breath hot and heavy against your skin. Then, more harsh bites, piercing skin, little droplets of blood beading off of the broken skin. Then his tongue, warm, wet and gentle, tasting you, making you sob. 

Finally, as if he couldn’t stand any more, he sucked your clit into his mouth, his voice vibrating with a moan against the overstimulated bundle of nerves, making you scream. Logan hooked your legs around his shoulders, creating a different angle, you gasped hard, pulling even hard on the fabric around your wrists, voice breaking with the effort of another cry of pain as he tongue fucked you, teetering on the brink of an orgasm you didn't want; you squeezed your eyes shut, as your sobs filled your tiny bedroom.

His teeth scraped against your dripping folds, tongue lapping up everything your body had betrayed you to give him

Logan however wasn't ready to be finished. 

His tongue continued dragging over your folds; making you gasp with each pass. 

Your breath hitched in your throat, your entire body twitched as you let out a strangled cry, Logan's tongue relentless between your thighs. 

You tried in vain to pull away, only for him to grip your hips in either one of his hands, and pin them to the bed. 

Heels digging uselessly into the mattress, slipping on the sheets as Logan growled in protest. 

You whimpered, twisting against him, his grip holding tighter on your hips as a second orgasm rocked your frame. 

Your near screams like music to his ears. 

He lifted his head, chin glistening with your slick; your chest burned as you caught your breath and he moved back up the length of your body; he smirked as you swallowed hard.

Heart feel like it’s going to explode out of your chest yet?” he asked, a sly smile playing on his lips. 

You didn't answer, fresh tears slipped down your cheeks. 

“Good” 

Before you had a chance to breathe, the head of his cock pushed inside you; your cries muffled by the invasion of his tongue pushing between your lips. Your fingers digging into your own palms

He pulled his mouth from yours, leaning into your neck with a deep groan in your ear. “So fuck- so tight” he breathed through clenched teeth.

You sobbed, pinned underneath him; your body, mind and senses completely overwhelmed; feeling yourself being stretched to accommodate his swollen cock. 

Hearing his strained growl against the shell of your ear as he thrust his hips, grinding against you, forcing you into the mattress. 

You struggled to take a full breath; between your own sobs, Logan’s weight crushing down on top of you and your painfully overstimulated core, you couldn’t focus long enough to fill your lungs with air. 

“Logan-” you choked out and earned a harsh bite to your neck, making you scream. 

This earned a breathy laugh of approval next to your ear. “That’s it,” he said “I want you-” he paused “What was it you said?” he taunted “Pathetic?” 

He drew out the last word in time with a slow deliberate movement of his hips, making you gasp and fight underneath him; more tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“Please” you pleaded, your voice barely audible “I…” 

The rest of your plea died in the back of your throat as squeezed your eyes shut; your entire body ached with need; a need for Logan to stop. 

He was toying with you, you were nothing more to him than a plaything at this point; he knew he had broken you and he was relishing in it. 

His teeth scraped up under your chin. 

He lifted his head to meet your gaze, your eyes glassy and filled with tears. His dark and full of lust.

Your brow furrowed and you whined against his mouth as his tongue filled yours a second time.

He moaned into your mouth before prying his lips from yours and breathing hard, his hips never stopped moving 

You turned your head and sank your teeth into his toned flesh, feeling the muscles flex in his arm as you pierced skin. 

“Fuck” he boomed over you as your teeth let go; crying out as his hips stopped abruptly “Again” 

Your teeth sinking into his bottom lip, nearly biting through as you pulled hard before he pulled away. 

He let out a deep groan and he cocked his head slightly.

Both of you were panting hard; you watched the blood pool on his lip as he searched your tear stained face. 

His lips twitched into the slightest hint of a smile as he licked the blood from his own lip. 

“You’re just as fucked in the head as I am” 

When you didn’t acknowledge his accusation his hips snapped roughly, making you scream; your arms instinctively pulled on your binds before you stopped abruptly. The pain too much

“Do it” he grunted against your neck. 

Fresh tears streamed down your cheeks as his throbbing cock pounded relentlessly against your insides. 

You sobbed as he gripped your extended forearms and yanked hard, the fabric biting into your broken wrists. Fingers bruising your arms as he gripped hard, chasing his release. Your screams only pushing him closer to the edge. He dropped his head, teeth sinking into your extended neck as you felt him spill inside you.

You could feel the vibration of his moan against your throat as you broke, shuddering sobs as your nails bit into your own balled fists, your body in so much pain your brain wasn't sure where to focus first. Voice breaking with a desperate strained cry as your body betrayed you with a second orgasm.

Your body shook all over and you cried out as he slid from inside you; hands tingling as he released your arms, blood returning to your fingertips. 

You laid still, a handful more tears still sliding down your cheeks. 

“See?” he whispered, lips moving against yours as he spoke; his breath mingling with yours. “Mine” he breathed, his lips dragging over yours as he reached to untie your shattered wrists and you bit back another scream of agony. 

You felt his weight lift off of you, eyes still closed. You lurched forward as his calloused fingers grazed the inside of your thigh. 

“No, please” you whimpered, weakly reaching to push his hands away and his fingers disappeared. 

Without another word, he turned on his heel and left.

[couldawouldashoulda50]

From Completely Different Worlds - The Sweden Chapter - Part Seven "The End"

Previous parts 1 2 3 4 5 6 7a) In continuation of @misshoneyimhome's birthday celebration, this is the final part of this entire series From Completely Different Worlds. This chapter I believe is the longest one out of them all. I know how I originally wanted this chapter to end - the thing is I could have kept going but I thought perhaps I could do a follow-up summary for this, as I have other blurbs in mind too.

I do fear repeating myself, but I feel endlessly grateful for the notes throughout this storyline. The comments and asks that have come my way have made me laugh, made me beam and some really made me question and explore motives behind thoughts and actions of the characters.

I want to take the opportunity to anyone who even stops just to look at the cover - I wish you all the very best for the remainder of this year - joyous holidays - and the mindset to pursue all of what you dream of in 2025.

Word count on this one - I am truly sorry - I hope this is not arduous to read - approx 13.5k

Warnings - Profanity. I can't believe I wrote all of this and there's no smut.

William sat on the edge of his bed, phone in hand, staring at the unanswered messages he’d sent over the past two days. He knew that something was off. Loren always replied, even if just a quick "busy but will call later." But now, nothing.

Hey, just landed. Hope you’re having a good day. Can’t wait to see you soon.

Miss you. Let me know when you’re free.

Everything okay?

Loren?

As the hours stretched on and his unease grew, his texts became shorter, more direct, a mix of concern and frustration. By the second morning with no reply, his messages bordered on frantic.

Loren, talk to me. Please.

Is something wrong? I’m really worried.

Just let me know you’re okay.

Finally, his phone buzzed with a notification. He exhaled sharply, relief flooding him—until he opened the message. It wasn’t a response to any of his questions. Instead, it was a series of screenshots from Loren.

William’s brow furrowed as he scrolled through them. Margot’s name at the top of the thread made his stomach drop. His eyes darted over the words, disbelief quickly giving way to anger. The photos—the interview link—all of it. It felt like a sucker punch.

Before he could begin to type out a response, his phone rang. Loren’s name flashed on the screen. Without hesitation, he answered, his voice filled with concern.

“Loren?”

He could hear his heart in his ears in the silence that followed . Then came her voice—hoarse, croaky, and broken.

“William.”

He knew immediately—she’d been crying.

“Jesus, what’s going on? Talk to me,” he urged, his voice softer now, desperate to understand. “Please.”

The faint sniffle on the other end was like a dagger to his heart. “I—I don’t even know where to start,” she finally managed, her words shaky and congested.

William ran a hand through his hair, frustration simmering through layers of worry. “Start anywhere, Loren. Please just talk to me.”

Her hesitation felt like an eternity before she finally spoke. “I’ve been sitting with this—those messages, those photos—for days, William. They’ve said a lot. Showed me a lot of things I didn’t know about.”

The words hit him like a freight train. Days. She’d been holding onto this while he’d been tied up at the rink with medicals, team meetings, and the whirlwind of preseason media.

“Loren,” he started, his voice thick with emotion. “Please, let me explain.”

Her exhale traveled through the line, heavy with exhaustion and doubt. “I don’t know if I want to hear it. The messages from Margot, the interview responses are one thing, but the pictures... those pictures—they’re pretty self-explanatory.”

William clenched his jaw, his grip tightening around the phone as he paced the room. He forced himself to stay calm when he thought about Margot sending her those messages. “Those pictures - they…they’re not what they look like,” he said, his voice steady but urgent. “I swear, Loren, it’s not how she’s making it seem.”

“That’s a pretty standard response, eh? ‘It’s not what it looks like’.” Her tired voice cracked, the emotion breaking through. “William, I let my guard down because I thought—I believed—this was becoming something real. I get it - you know, I really do. Or I tried to at the beginning - I was ok with being the non-exclusive, noncommittal, go-with- the flow girl. But I allowed you to lead me on with saying you missed me and all the rest of it. William - seeing those pictures, your words in the interview confirming that there’s ‘a lot of women’….what, that you’ve been dating? Spending time with? And then, receiving messages from your side piece, Margot, confirming that there are more side pieces... holy fuck, I’m an absolute fucking idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” he said quickly, his voice firm. “Loren - Margot wasn’t my side piece - I told you the truth when you first came to see me in Stockholm. She’s twisting things because she’s bitter and—”

“She’s bitter because you fucked her, William and she wanted more - I get it.” Loren’s tone was low and matter of fact. “You told her there might be a chance for another time. And not just her. She said you’ve got others in the city, ready and waiting for your call*.*” Her voice cracked again, softer this time. “I guess that just makes me part of all of that pussy that’s always so available.”

William’s mind raced back to their candid conversation in the hammock.

William tried to calm his temper - he had been honest about how it worked with women when she asked him, and it felt like she was using that against him now. The silence that followed was deafening. William stopped pacing, his hands started to hurt from gripping the phone as he struggled to find the right words. “You’re not - that’s so unfai - that’s not how I think about you,” he finally said, his voice raw. “You’re not just another girl, Loren. I wouldn’t have asked you to visit me - I brought you into my world—introduced you to my family, my friends—you’ve become - or always have been….so, so important to me. I care for you so much, Loren.”

Her sniffle was faint, but he caught it. “None of this makes any sense to me, William. But I can’t ignore everything that she sent to me. I can’t unsee any of it. And I’m sorry William but usually, where there’s smoke, there’s fire….”

“But Loren - do you think I have been out seeing other women since you’ve been back here? We talked, we’ve been talking everyday almost,” he said, the frustration evident in his tone. “Margot... she’s bitter because I didn’t want anything serious with her. The one time I slept with her, that was before I understood how I felt about you —and then you came to visit and everything changed. I want - I want to be with you,” William finally admitted. “And those other pictures... I’m telling the truth. Yes, they’re hugs, but they’re random people, fans just saying hello—I don’t even remember exactly because it’s just how it has been for so long…a fan - or like an acquaintance comes up and they want a hug. It’s all been twisted around to make it look like something it’s not.”

“But then there’s the reporter, William - your eyes in that interview,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “You looked at that reporter like... she really wowed you. I could feel your attraction towards her. I’ve seen that look - you’ve given me that same look. You could see it, William.“ Loren began to cry once again. “Even if it’s all innocent, this kind of thing will be a constant occurrence. There will be other women claiming the same as Margot. Sending messages. Photos. Fuck William - you smile at some girl and they post it like there’s something between you - it might be delusional and I know it’s totally out of your control but….William,” Loren sighs before continuing, her voice cracking once again. “True or not, I'll be on the receiving end of this. It will be me that has to try and decipher what’s bullshit and what’s not. And that’s not the worst of it. It breeds resentment and bitterness, William. I’ll be the one always left wondering what is true - do you know what that does to a person over time? I’ve already gone through my fair share of deceit at this stage of my life. I don’t want to be mistrusting. I don’t want to feel like one day I’ll just happen to follow your stare into the crowd and wonder if there’s a women that’s caught your attention. I don’t want to feel that way towards you.”

“Loren,” his voice softer now, almost pleading. “Please, give me a chance to prove to you that this isn’t what it looks like. This isn’t what it will be like.”

Her silence felt like an eternity. When she finally spoke, her words were barely above a whisper. “You can’t say that last part with any kind of certainty. You cannot anticipate what lengths other people will go to in order to get your attention.”

It broke William hearing her voice so defeated.

“I don’t know if I can do this, William. I care for you so, so much but I really don’t know if I can handle this part of your life.”

—

For days, Loren’s lifeline was her work. She tethered herself to it, filling every available moment with tutoring sessions, group home shifts, and hours spent editing the language content for her growing online audience. Just like before, she went through the motions of her day-to-day life, wearing a proverbial mask to hide how hollow she felt, and kept to herself as much as possible.

Every once in a while, as she scrolled through social media, photos of William would appear from Leafs preseason events. There he was, smiling with his teammates, laughing, looking completely at ease, as if nothing had changed. He didn’t look broken—not like she felt. Seeing him appear so carefree only deepened the ache inside her, solidifying her belief that William knew exactly how to make things look perfect on the surface while leaving chaos underneath. She closed her phone and wept.

Her parents, Kathy, and even Alice—Simon Benoit’s girlfriend with whom she became fast friends with—had noticed the change in her. Their questions were gentle but persistent. Loren brushed them off, offering unconvincing reassurances. “I’m just busy, that’s all.” They weren’t fooled, but they respected her space.

It was early one morning when it happened.

Loren was running late and had just downed her green drink as she flew out the front entrance of her house and hurriedly locked the door. She rummaged through her tote bag making sure she had everything she needed for the day and slung it over her shoulder with her keys in hand.

The air was cold that morning, visible in the puff of her breath as she exhaled deeply while quickly walking down the steps of her front porch.

That’s when she saw him.

William stepped out of his car near the end of her driveway. His eyes were locked on Loren as she stood on the middle step of her porch. He walked toward her slowly, and there was nothing hiding the weight in his expression. His usual easygoing demeanor was replaced with something heavier, and the faint dark circles under his eyes hinted at restless nights.

Loren froze, her breath hitching. Her keys jangled in her trembling hand.

His voice broke the silence, soft and hesitant. “Hey.”

She swallowed hard, struggling to muster a response. “Hi, William.”

“I know I shouldn’t just show up like this,” he said, taking a cautious step toward her. “But I didn’t know what else to do. You won’t answer my calls, any of my messages—I just… I don’t know how to fix this.”

Her chest ached at his words, but her guard shot up instantly. She tightened her grip on the strap of her tote bag and didn’t move closer. Her voice came out quiet but steady. “I’ve been trying to figure out this absolute shit-show, William. And the truth is... I don’t know.”

“I just need you to let me explain,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “Please.”

Loren’s throat tightened as she forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’ve spent days trying to make sense of everything. And I’m not asking to hear all the details right now, because I don’t think I can really handle anything else. But please try and understand - there wasn’t just one message. There was a barrage of messages full of information about you that completely bulldozed me. It wasn’t just one photo either - there were multiple photos. Your words in that interview - none of it was rehearsed William. Those words were your words, you confirmed you’ve been dating women - and there’s a lot of them. It was a total landslide of all of this shit hitting me all at once. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know who to believe…because there’s just so fucking much of it.”

“I do understand how it looks,” William said, his hands outstretched, almost pleading. “But it really is not what you think. I know I keep saying this but it’s Margot—she’s gone out of her way to play this fucking game of twisting lies and making them sound like the truth. She didn’t even translate parts of the interview right - I never said there was a lot of women. I said there were a lot of rumours about my dating life.”

Loren’s voice cracked, but she kept her tone measured. “Even if that’s true, it doesn’t erase how this feels. Do you understand that? It’s the hurt. I’ve tried not to have doubts and I know I have my insecurities - I battle really hard to let go of the negative thoughts that creep into my head. But this whole thing just feels like a punch in the face. At this point, I’m not trying to figure out the why’s or how it happened - all I feel now are the bruises and the pain because of it.”

William raked a hand through his hair, his expression desperate. “Loren, I don’t know what to do if you won’t even let me sit down with you. Talk to you.”

“It’s not that I won’t let you,” she said quietly. “I’m so confused and I need time to let my thoughts settle a little bit. I can barely think straight…I’m just overloaded now.”

Her expression seemed to darken and she knew she might be crossing a line with her next remark. She didn’t even know why it popped into her mind. “But hey - based on the team posts that seem to be everywhere, you look like you’ve managed all of this just fine. I really don’t know that anything actually phases you.”

“That’s not true, Loren. Pictures aren’t always what they seem - someone could look happy because they have to - just to get through the moment, but can never fully know what’s going on behind the smile,” William bit back. His icy words hung in the morning air, each one landing like a heavy weight between them.

Loren looked down, her fingers brushing the edge of her tote bag. “I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have said that.” She kept her head down. “But, I do have to go,” she added, her voice barely above a whisper.

As she moved toward her car, William’s voice broke again. “Wait. Please Loren.”

She paused, her head hung downward as tears threatened, but didn’t turn to face him.

“I’d planned to ask you something before... everything happened,” he said softly. “I had planned to invite you to the home opener.”

A lump formed in Loren’s throat. She swiped at the tears that pricked her eyes and steadied her voice. “I’m already going.”

William’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“The organization gave Gary tickets to make up for him missing the Easter Seals skate,” she explained flatly. “He’s supposed to meet some of the team, afterward I think - or before, I’m not sure.”

“Oh,” William said, nodding slowly, as if trying to process her words. “That’s... that’s good. He’ll love that.”

There was a long pause, the tension between them almost unbearable. William’s gaze remained fixed on her as walked down the steps. “So, I’ll see you there?” he asked, his voice laced with a mix of hope and hesitation. “Maybe we could—”

“I’ll be working,” Loren interrupted gently, her voice remained distant. “I’ll probably see you there, William. But I really have to go now.”

He nodded, watching as she walked toward her car and slid into the driver’s seat. His heart twisted as he stepped back, giving her the space she so clearly needed but wishing he could close the ever-growing gap between them.

As Loren pulled out of the driveway, William stood and watched from the walkway, his breath visible in the chilly air. He’d come here hoping to make progress, to try and explain, to see her. But now, watching her drive away, he felt lost. He hoped he hadn’t made things worse.

—

Loren sat cross-legged on the Benoit’s couch, gently patting little Adelaide Benoit’s back in soothing, rhythmic motions. The baby let out a burp, then another, and Loren cooed softly, relieved as the baby’s fussing finally began to settle. She shifted Adelaide to a more comfortable position, and soon the little one was fast asleep against her chest. Across the room, Alice slumped into the love seat, her damp hair wrapped in a towel. She exhaled deeply, exhaustion still etched across her face despite the reprieve of a hot shower.

The team had left the day before to do their traditional team-building getaway north of the city, and Loren had offered to stay with Alice while Simon was away.

[Speaking in French] “Thank you for this,” Alice murmured, her eyes closed and her voice heavy with gratitude. “I don’t know what you’re doing differently—she’s been fussy with me since Simon left, but she’s an angel with you.”

Loren subtly shook her head. “You’re exhausted, Alice. You needed a break. Besides,” she added playfully, “I’m auditioning for the role of your number one babysitter when you and Simon start doing date nights again.”

“You’re hired. You could just move in with us. Rent out your house, work one job instead of what, three? Four?” Alice stretched out on the cushions, adjusting a pillow to account for the towel still wrapped around her head. “And hey, if you get this mess with Willy sorted, we could even be WAGs together.”

Loren chuckled lightly, though the idea of being a WAG felt about as likely for her as a trip to Mars. One hand cradled Adelaide’s bottom while the other gently stroked her back. “I really don’t know what to believe, or even what the right thing is to do—for me, anyway. It’s getting to the point that it’s not just the Margot stuff anymore, or what he said in that interview, or the way he gazed at that reporter—” Loren rolled her eyes, her voice sharpening with indignation at the word gaze.

She sighed, her eyes dropping to the baby in her arms. “It’s all of it, and then add the fact that he’s turning into this huge celebrity. I mean, he already is, but with that docuseries coming out in a couple of days, it’s going to catapult him into a whole other realm of stardom.”

Alice opened her eyes, studying Loren carefully, but stayed quiet as she let her friend pour her heart out.

“It goes back to how I felt when I first met him,” Loren began. “I mean—it was Willy Nylander, one of the “core four”, a star forward for the Leafs, right? Young, hot, wealthy—and insanely talented. Every time we got together, I assumed it would be the last time, that he’d just move on to the next girl because he could, and why wouldn’t he,” Loren admitted, reflecting on when she and William first met in March.

“But then I got to know him. His personality, his quirks, how caring and funny he is. And suddenly, it wasn’t ‘Willy Nylander, the hockey player.’ He was simply William—I would literally forget “what” he was and I loved spending time with “who” he was,” she said, her expression softening with a small smile.

Her voice dropped, tinged with uncertainty. “But now, with everything—the messages, the past hookups, all of the attention he gets, all of it—I feel like I’m back to being just another girl that he’ll eventually pass over - like, another stop along the way. But all the feelings I have for him? They’re still there.” Her eyes lifted to look at Alice. “Does that even make sense?”

Alice leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. “It makes perfect sense, Loren. But listen to me—because you’re overthinking this. You’re not being ‘passed over,’ and you’re not just ‘another stop along the way.’ If that’s all you were to him, he would have passed you over already and he sure wouldn’t have invited you to Sweden. He wouldn’t have brought you to meet his family, his friends, the places he loves. That’s not something someone does for a fling.”

Loren opened her mouth to argue, but Alice held up a hand. “I’m an overtired Mommy now so you have to listen to me. Look Loren - I get it. It’s scary. The guy has options—more than most people will ever dream of having. And yeah, he’s maybe got a reputation, but based on what? Reputations don’t tell the whole story. You said it yourself: when you’re with him, it’s not about ‘Willy Nylander, the hockey player.’ It’s about William. And let me tell you something—my feeling is someone like William doesn’t waste his time on people he doesn’t care about.”

Alice softened her voice. “And about those messages? Of course they rattled you. That’s what they were meant to do and pretty much anyone in your position would feel the same. But if he’s been trying—really trying—to explain and make things right, don’t you think that says something? The question - to me anyway - is whether you can let your guard down enough, just to hear the guy out.”

Alice gave Loren a wry smile, sitting back on the couch. “And for the record? You’re the only person I’ve seen get that guy to light up the way he does when he looks at you. So maybe you should give yourself a little more credit and for the love of God, get out of that head of yours.”

Loren paused for a moment before shaking her head. “Agh - you just had a baby and here I am blathering on about my boy troubles. I hope you know how much I appreciate you,” Loren smiled.

“I appreciate you too, especially if you’d put Adelaide in the bassinette so I can crawl into bed? I’m so tired,” Alice said groggily.

“Of course - I’ll take the dogs out for a walk too.”

After doing some tidying up, Alice and Adelaide were long tucked away for a nap and Loren soon ventured off with the dogs. October weather in Toronto could bring multiple climates together in one week, or in one day, depending. That day, it felt almost like summer was beginning again, and Loren felt her mood lightening as she walked briskly with the dogs towards the large off-leash dog park near the Benoit’s home. The walk also gave Loren time to sit with her thoughts, and with Alice’s remarks about the situation with William. The morning he waited for her outside of her house, their conversation resulted in William relenting and giving Loren her space. The steady flow of messages that he had been sending her prior to that morning ceased. Now, with no communication, an even greater fear of the unknown toyed with her mind.

The hardest part wasn’t about deciding whether to trust William—if he still wanted to even pursue a relationship with her. No decision regarding William came with a guarantee. She couldn’t know if walking away would spare her from future heartache anymore than trying to mend things between them would.

At the park entrance, Loren gently commanded the dogs to wait as they began to pull excitedly toward the gate. Determined to refocus them, she stopped and gave the leashes a light tug. “Wait,” she said firmly. The dogs turned their attention to her, and with a sharp “sit,” they obediently complied. Loren rewarded them with praise and their favorite dried liver treats.

Once inside, she latched the gate behind her, laughing softly as the dogs�� focus shifted from her commands to the excitement of the park. She unclasped their leashes, and they bolted off, running in wide loops to sniff and explore.

Her phone chimed with an incoming call. The screen lit up with “Benny,” Simon’s team nickname.

Loren answered quickly, unsure why Simon would be calling. “[In French] Hi, Simon. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Simon replied, though his voice carried a note of concern. “I’ve been trying to call Alice, but she’s not answering.”

Loren smiled. “She’s asleep, and so is Adelaide. I took the dogs to the park to give them some exercise and a little extra quiet for their nap.”

“Oh, perfect. Phew. I was getting nervous… but yeah, makes total sense now. Dad nerves are real. Holy shit,” Simon said, laughing now, the tension in his voice easing.

Loren and Simon talked about Alice and the baby, eventually shifting to their plans for Thanksgiving dinner at Loren’s. They quickly agreed on a few menu details before Simon asked to see the dogs. Switching to FaceTime, Loren angled her phone toward the open grassy field. Simon laughed as he watched the dogs zoom around, darting and weaving like kids playing tag.

After a few moments, Simon glanced over his shoulder and back at the screen. “Looks like I’m being waved over. I’d better go. But hey—Loren, thank you so much for everything. I’ve been able to focus and even relax knowing you’re there with my ladies… and manning the zoo.”

“I love your ladies, and your zoo, so I’m happy to help. Go have fun, and message me if you have any other ideas for next Sunday,” Loren said with a smile.

“Will do. Thanks again, Loren. À bientôt,” Simon replied with a grin before ending the call.

As Simon pocketed his phone, Ryan Reaves walked up alongside him. “Talking to Alice? Everything okay at home?” He paused. “Wait—don’t tell me Alice is there with little Cashew and your mini-farm all by herself.”

Simon chuckled at the name “Cashew” that the team voted on for his baby girl, before he and Alice decided on Adelaide. “Actually, Loren’s staying with her. They hit it off when they met and have gotten pretty close. Really thankful she’s there. Alice and the baby are asleep right now, and Loren’s out with the dogs.”

Within earshot, William overheard their conversation. At the mention of Loren, his stomach flipped—an uncomfortable mix of butterflies and a twisting ache. Even here, surrounded by teammates and fans, his thoughts constantly drifted to her and the icy wall between them.

He’d been thinking of her almost non-stop but forced himself to continue giving her time and space. But hearing Simon mention her, he was desperate to hear her voice. Swiping open his phone, he tapped Loren’s contact before he could overthink it.

When she picked up, her voice was slightly breathless. “William—hi! Sorry, just a second.” He heard muffled sounds and the sound of a zipper, followed by her clear commands: “Okay, boys - sit. Good. And break!”

William chuckled softly, his chest warming at the sound of her voice.

“Sorry about that,” Loren said, her heart racing as she refocused on the call. “I’m out with Benny’s dogs right now. They’re a handful.” She laughed lightly. “How are you? How’s Bracebridge?”

Relief washed over him. She sounded more like herself again. “Good. Up here is nice. You know, usual team bonding stuff,” he said, his voice carrying a smile.

“Oh, right… just another day being William Ny-laaan-der,” Loren teased.

He laughed. “So you’re out with Benny’s dogs?”

“Yeah, just helping Alice out for a couple of days. Extra set of hands, that type of thing,” Loren replied, brushing off her helpfulness.

“You should grab Pablo and Banksy for a doggie playdate,” William teased.

Loren’s heart sank at the mention of his dogs. “Well, thanks for bringing them up—it’s not like I was missing them or anything,” she teased, her sarcasm very apparent. “I’ll just lie down here in the dirt and cry,” she said wistfully with a chuckle. She fell quiet for a moment, the weight of her feelings pressing down on her. She did miss them terribly. But the truth was, she missed William even more.

“They’d be happy to see you,” William added gently.

Loren swallowed the lump in her throat, unsure how to respond. “I read - or well, saw that awful fall during the game last week…are you okay?” she asked tentatively.

“Not my finest moment,” he replied with a chuckle. “But I’m okay.”

Silence hung in the air, which was rare for them.

“Oh! I almost forgot, I was going through the millions of pictures and videos from Sweden….I had taken some photos of the boys by the water - I think they turned out pretty well. Can I send them to you?”

Loren’s voice sounded so timid and uncertain, reinforcing how uncomfortable she now felt with him. That realization twisted the dagger already lodged in his heart. He hated how far they’d drifted—how the easy connection they once shared had been replaced by awkward silences and hesitant words.

William squinted his eyes shut for a moment. The fact that she now felt the need to ask for permission to send a simple picture was almost unbearable. “Loren—you can send me anything you want, anytime you want.” The words came out steadier than he felt. If he could slip through the phone and magically appear in front, he wouldn’t hesitate to hold her and let her melt into him. She had admitted once or twice to him that wrapped in his arms was her favourite place to be.

Loren could hear voices and rustling in the background at William’s end and sensed their conversation was winding down. “Sounds like you’re on the move - I’ll let you go, okay?”

As William stepped into one of the conference rooms at the hotel, he hesitated. He wanted more—wanted to see her, to address her concerns, to air out everything that had happened between them. The impatience and longing tormented his mind, but he knew he had to tread carefully. The call had been unplanned, and for the first time in weeks, she didn’t sound withdrawn or despondent. Her voice carried a liveliness and openness he hadn’t heard in far too long.

“Yeah, okay—we’re just starting something here, so—” William paused, trying to steady the flurry of thoughts racing through his mind. “Do you—could I reach out again when I’m back? Oh—and, yeah, the pictures… I’d love to see what you’ve got.”

Loren lightly kicked at the dirt beneath her shoe. “Sounds good, William. And for sure, I’ll send some along. Enjoy the rest of your time, okay?”

Some time after the call ended, as he sat listening to the Event Coordinators, his phone buzzed with a new notification. Loren had sent the first picture. He glanced at it briefly, noncommittally at first, but then he froze and did a double take.

Loren’s description of the photo did not come close to doing it justice. The image of the two dogs sitting side by side on the dock, silhouetted against the wildfire hues of an orange-red sunset, was breathtaking. The lake was utterly still, its surface like flawless glass, reflecting the wild colors of the sky.

William’s throat tightened with a sudden rush of emotion. It wasn’t just the beauty of the picture—it was the way it transported him back to the bliss they had shared in Sweden. He desperately hoped they could find that same happiness again, this time while sharing their lives in Toronto.

—

The days following her conversation with William felt like uncharted territory. Loren sent a few more photos from Sweden, each one met with brief but heartfelt replies from William. Their exchanges were light, almost painfully polite, but beneath the surface, yet one could sense a mutual longing that neither could bring themselves to fully express.

Though the sting of the Margot situation had begun to fade, it was gradually replaced by a deeper ache—one that came from missing William in ways she almost did not want to admit, even to herself. She missed their conversations most of all, the easy way they used to connect, and the warmth he brought to her life. But no matter how much she longed to see him, she couldn’t ignore the weight of the conversations that still needed to be had - conversations about Margot, their future, and everything in between.

With William busy with practices and going on the road—first in Detroit, then Montreal, and finally New Jersey—their chances of being in the same place at the same time were nonexistent. The physical and emotional distance between them gnawed at her, and only exasperated how she was already feeling.

Loren, however, had more than enough on her plate to keep her busy and her mind occupied. A handful of new students, classmates of her existing clients, had reached out requesting help with literacy and speech practice in French. The influx of tutoring sessions provided enough of a financial boost that she could scale back to more sustainable hours at the group home.

Meanwhile, her online audience continued to grow as her digital language content gained traction. Her marketing manager was thrilled with her output and began brainstorming new opportunities for Loren to be involved in, some of which even included potential travel. As her schedule filled and her prospects expanded, Loren couldn’t help but feel good about the path she was carving for herself.

One afternoon as her last student left, Loren let out a deep sigh, finally allowing herself to relax. She decided to keep things simple for the night—cooking wasn’t in the cards, so she threw together a platter of fruit, vegetables, and snacks.

With her plate balanced on her lap, she poured herself a glass of red wine and sank into the couch. The first sip brought a flush to her cheeks, the warmth of it displayed by blotches on her neck. Scrolling through streaming options, she couldn’t settle on anything, her mind wandering as the quiet of the evening began.

Her phone began to vibrate and dance on the end table beside her. Glancing at the screen, her cheeks went from flushed to white hot when she saw William’s name on the screen.

Hesitantly, she picked up the phone and tapped on the green icon. She answered with a soft and friendly “Hi.”

William’s voice was low and gentle, the same one that always had an effect on her. “Hey - um, just wanted to call and see what you’re up to?”

Loren smiled . “Oh, well - hmmm,” she paused as she shifted her body to a more comfortable position. “I wish I could come up with some fantastic answer but I unplugged my brain about an hour ago. So, really, nothing interesting…looking for something to watch, right now.” She tried to sound blasé, but the smile in her voice gave her away. “What about you?”

“Some Leaf fan you are—you’re not following the schedule?” he teased. “We’re playing tonight. First game of the season. Against Montreal.”

Loren’s cheeks flushed deeper, this time in embarrassment. “Ah, shit…I completely forgot. Thanks for the guilt trip. Arrête de m’énerver, William,” she added with mock drama in French.

His trademark laugh sounded through the phone. “See - yeah, I was thinking you could remind me of some of the French things you told me in Paris so I could shout them at Cole Caufield during the game.”

The wine combined Loren’s adrenaline fueled her banter. “William, I think the French things I said to you in Paris would be wildly inappropriate to shout at Cole during a game.”

William’s laugh turned staccato, that contagious sound that always made her giggle too.

“However,” she continued, her tone faux-serious, “Va chier basically means ‘Screw you.’ Honestly though, I really don’t know how much French Cole understands anyway, so I think you just need to give up this idea altogether, William.”

"You could still remind me of those other words,” William replied, borderline flirtatious. “Inappropriate or not, it might throw him off his game.”

Loren paused, grinning. “I guess if anyone could pull it off, it’s you.”

The two continued to chat, the flow of their conversation sounding more at ease.

Before ending the call, William asked again if Loren still planned to be at the game that coming Saturday. She confirmed she would be.

As William lay stretched out on the bed in the hotel in Montreal, he felt the tension lifting more and more between them. If he could just keep inching the momentum forward, he felt confident they could get back on track.

The past month had humbled him in ways he didn’t expect. When the pictures and messages from Margot first reached Loren, she could have lashed out—screamed at him, hurled threats or insults, or done any number of things to exact revenge. Instead, even in her pain, she had handled it with a kind of control that still amazed him.

It wasn’t something he’d recognized immediately, but his parents had pointed it out after learning what had happened. His mother had been especially vocal, emphasizing how rare it was for someone to respond with restraint instead of anger—to simply articulate her hurt feelings in the face of what felt like a violation of trust.

The more William thought about it, the more it reflected who Loren truly was—steady, thoughtful, and kind, even in moments of turmoil. She hadn’t shut him out as a malicious attempt to make him twist in the wind. She had needed space and time because he realized what they had developed was too important not to press pause.

At the end of the day, he missed her. Her absence hit him harder this time, and the knowledge that she might not remain in his life left a knot in his stomach. He had no idea if the conversations they still needed to have would fix things.

In the quiet moments between games, William considered how he might have reacted if the roles were reversed. If someone had sent him photos and messages implying Loren had been making a fool of him —whether about an ex, a fling, or anything in between—he would have shut down. His walls would have gone up immediately, trust shattered, and he wasn’t sure what lengths Loren would have had to go to earn it back — if he even allowed her to. It wasn’t a side of himself he was proud of, but it was one he couldn’t deny existed.

For now, he pushed those worries aside. Years of sports psychology had taught him to quiet his mind before a game, especially when personal issues arise. But before he did, he allowed himself one more glance at a photo he’d taken of Loren in Monaco—her long hair flowing, a flower tucked behind her ear, her eyes fixed on his full of affection and desire. It was one of his favorites.

—

Michael Nylander sat on the couch in their Stockholm home, the glow of his laptop screen reflected off his face as he watched the first game of the new NHL season, with the Leafs playing the Canadiens in Montreal. He gently blew the steam from his mug of tea, his eyes remained fixed on William, who almost got a tip-in goal on a power play.

Michael audibly sighed as the puck traveled down the length of the ice after William’s attempt.

[In Swedish] “How is the game so far?” Camilla asked as she padded across the room, her hair slightly tousled and her eyes heavy.

Michael patted the spot next to him on the couch, and soon Camilla’s head rested on a pillow in his lap. “Was the volume too loud - did I wake you?” he asked.

Camilla shook her head and smiled, reaching for the blanket that was folded neatly on the back of the couch. She covered herself followed by Michael lovingly stretching the blanket over her body.

“It’s only just begun - Leafs just finished a power play. William had a good chance, the team looks pretty good so far,” Michael replied softly. He strokes Camilla’s arm as the resume watching the game in comfortable silence.

“I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about Loren and William,” Camilla wearily admitted.

Michael nodded. “It’s certainly a mess. I can’t get my head wrapped around what would possess Margot to go after Loren like that?”

Camilla shifted under the blanket. “I never asked but I think something happened with her and William during our family vacation.”

Michael was silent for a moment. Taking a sip of his tea, his eyes remained fixed on the laptop screen. “So, it’s jealousy. I think I can see it coming together now,” he sighed.

Camilla continued. “I’ve seen everything Margot sent to Loren. It was upsetting enough for me to read the way that information was positioned to Loren. There was a nastiness to her messages, almost like Margot was trying to befriend Loren by ripping apart William,” she explained. “I don’t know if Margot really understands the magnitude of what she has done. I know maybe William doesn’t help by getting into these situations to begin with, but all of that damage done to Loren—”, Camilla stopped speaking as Montreal just scored the first goal. She adjusted herself to nestle into Michael’s side. “I just wonder if I should reach out to Loren. William’s got the start of the season going on - and it’s already been a month….” Camilla’s voice trailed off. “I could help her understand what the truth is. That’s what William has said, that Loren’s so confused - she doesn’t know what to believe, and rightfully so. She hasn’t shut the door on anything and Michael - William adores her - I hate to think that they’re both in misery when they don’t have to be.”

Michael nodded. “You are so wise and kind, my wife - and I don’t think it could hurt to talk to Loren.”

She paused to watch the game for another minute before she stood up, tied her hair in a pony tail, grabbed another laptop and walked toward the study.

“You’re doing it now?” Michael called after Camilla.

All he heard his wife says is “No use wasting time getting this fixed.”

—

Loren had long passed out on the couch after her conversation with William and her one glass of wine. She forgot where she was momentarily when she awoke to her phone pinging and vibrating on the end table next to her. She rubbed her eyes and grabbed her glasses to first look at the time and then the text notifications. Her heart raced furiously when she saw the text was from Camilla.

The message was kind and apologetic, asking if Loren could join a video call. She was completely bewildered by Camilla’s request - but mostly because it was in the early morning hours in Stockholm. Her stomach was in knots thinking about all of the possibilities of the purpose for her call. Loren messaged her back right away and opened her laptop, connecting to the call shortly thereafter.

Loren greeted Camilla with a wide smile, although all of her emotions are just under the surface.

“It’s so nice to see your face, Camilla. How are you? Are you up watching William’s game?” Loren asked.

“I’m doing well, my darling. Yes, Michael is watching- I had seen enough when Montreal scored,” Camilla admitted with a chuckle. “I hope I didn’t take you away from anything?”

Loren’s tone was sheepish. “I actually fell asleep on the couch,” she admitted with a grin. “I’m just exhausted lately.” Loren immediately regretted say she was exhausted - it felt like a hint to her goings on with William.

Camilla lowered her gaze for a moment before her blue eyes found Loren’s once again. She smiled warmly at Loren but her furrowed brows showed immense concern. “Loren, I know this might not be my place but I wanted to call, first to ask how you are and second, to tell you how sorry I am about everything you and William are going through.”

Loren’s throat felt tight, wrought with emotion. She could feel her face begin to twist as she tried to hold back her tears. “I’m - I’m doing okay, Camilla. I really appreciate you calling,” Loren said, her voice wavering.

Camilla continued carefully. “I would not normally interfere - I want my children to sort out their own business. But, I have to tell you I have not been able to think about much else since I heard about the messages Margot had sent you. I can’t even imagine how you’ve been feeling.”

Loren’s throat began to ache from being constricted with trying to suppress her emotions. “It’s been tough - it’s just such an odd - no…I guess upsetting and confusing situation.”

“It absolutely is,” Camilla agreed. She gave Loren a comforting smile through the screen. “Loren, Michael and I think so highly of you. When you were here, and we saw the two of you together, we could feel how much you care for one another. I don’t know if William told you this but he and I spoke at length while you and his dad made lunch that day before you left. He wanted you to stay so you both could return to Toronto together. The way he looked, the way he expressed himself Loren - I honestly don’t know if he’s ever felt this strongly about someone before,” Camilla added.

With this admission, the flood gates opened with Loren. She could not hold it back any longer as she ripped away her glasses and covered her face with her hands, tears streamed through her fingers. Camilla’s heart aches watching as Loren’s body began to tremble from the force of her sobs.

“Oh, Loren.” Camilla’s voice is tender as she speaks soothingly through the speakers. “Let it out. It’s okay, just let it all out.”

Loren continued to weep, apologizing to Camilla for letting her emotions get the better of her.

“Please don’t apologize for being upset. Loren, you have every right to feel the way you do. I’m just glad I can be here for you,” Camilla comforted.

After some time, Loren’s tears began to subside, and she began to speak. “I’m just - it’s such an awful feeling. I mean - at first, all I could think about were Margot’s messages - the amount of distrust that I allowed her to plant in my mind about William. But then, and I hate saying this to you - but they’ve earned the reputation of being players in every capacity so I just feel like I’m blindly tripping along here not knowing what to think,” Loren said, her voice still full of anguish.

“I can understand that,” Camilla began thoughtfully. “But I’ll tell you something—when it comes to my boys, I’ve always worried about how easy it’s been for them to attract girls. They never had to try; the girls just flocked to them, like moths to a flame. It always concerned me—what if they didn’t know, or worse, didn’t care, if someone truly special crossed their path? Would they even recognize it? And if they did, would they know how to treat her—or would they simply expect her to always be there for them, without ever giving back?”

Camilla paused, her voice softening as she smiled at Loren. “But while you were here, I saw something different in William. Yes, his family will always be everything to him, followed closely by his friends—but you, Loren…” She leaned closer, her voice sincere. “I feel he’s created a very special place for you in his life.”

Loren remained silent, her expression still clouded with sadness as she considered what Camilla had explained. More and more, Loren felt the distrust toward William fading. What she felt added up perfectly in September with all of Margot’s “evidence”, now it made less sense than ever before.

The two women sat in silence for a moment before Loren spoke. “I have been able to work past what Margot said in her messages and while the other things she said bothered me, I can explain most of it away. It’s just the pictures now that I keep coming back to, but even those…he said they were just random people saying “hi”….they weren’t what Margot made them out to be at all,” Loren expressed, still riddled with confusion.

Camilla’s expression turned to regret. “I know, Loren - I understand your need to protect yourself and it’s hard when there just seems to be so much information that leans on way. I was not there myself to say one thing or the other. But, if I may, Loren, I just cannot see William doing that to you - not after seeing how the two of you are around each other.”

Loren swiped away the fresh tears that ran down her cheeks and put her glasses back on, smiling at Camilla now that she could see her more clearly.

“Loren, älskling, being with someone like William isn’t easy. I can only speak from the experience of being a wife of a professional player, and the mother of two more. There are things I have seen and heard that I would have preferred not to. There are hurt feelings and moments of frustration. For William, I can absolutely understand why you have reservations about his life and how it will affect you in your relationship with - hmmm, so much “interest” in him. There are so many challenges, even with the greatest and strongest of loves, but there are also choices. Every day, you’ll have to decide if the love you share is worth those challenges. And he’ll have to make that choice too,” Camilla concluded, followed by a warm smile.

Loren nodded her head. She took a deep breath and looked back at Camilla through the screen. “We’ve been talking a little, William and I,” Loren said quietly.

Camilla’s eyes brightened with Loren’s admission, her smile widening. “That’s wonderful, älskling,” she said softly, her voice full of encouragement.

Loren swiped away some dust from her keyboard, almost lost in thought. “Maybe we’ll get a chance to talk once the home opener is over,” she smiled.

Loren tried to sound optimistic but she could not begin to guess how this all might turn out.

—

The second Saturday in October was circled on calendars across Toronto and beyond, a date that marked months of anticipation after the Leafs shortened playoff run. For Maple Leafs fans, it wasn’t just a game—it was the event, the beginning of a new season brimming with hope. Across the country, hockey reclaimed its spotlight, and Scotiabank Arena stood as a glowing beacon, welcoming the return of one of the league’s storied Original Six franchises.

Kathy stepped out of the elevator from the parking garage, holding the door as Loren guided Gary’s wheelchair toward the large glass doors of the office tower bordering the square in front of the arena. Though they were still 45 minutes early before the gates even opened, the blue of their home jerseys quickly blended into the growing sea of fans. The city’s sights and sounds converged around them as Loren and Kathy maneuvered Gary through the bustling crowd. Fans milled about, snapping pictures and chatting animatedly about the new season, the coaching staff, and the newly minted captain, Auston Matthews.

Locating Gate 1, the three queued in line, with Gary completely mesmerized by the massive murals of current players displayed above the doorways. Being among the first to arrive, a Security Officer approached, offering guidance on what to do once the doors opened. When Kathy mentioned they were meeting with Fan Services, the officer nodded, spoke into his radio, and quickly disappeared, leaving them to wait amidst the growing line of fans.

Passing through security, they were greeted by Eriika from Fan Services, a wide smile on her face as she introduced herself. After a few pleasantries, she guided them on a quick tour, pointing out the key spots designed for accessibility, including the section where Gary could get a perfect view of the Leafs during warmups at ice level. Finally, Eriika led them to their seats, ensuring they were settled comfortably before leaving with a friendly reminder to flag their usher if they needed anything.

For once, Gary was completely speechless. He slowly scanned the area, looking from the banners of retired players to the banners of their championship wins. Loren could not have been more thrilled for Gary. His life were the Maple Leafs. If anyone bled blue, it was him. He never bad mouthed the team, his support was rock solid. To see him gaze with such an air of both disbelief and awe, made her heart swell.

Eriika had arranged for a wheelchair escort, Josh, to assist Loren and Kathy with navigating the different levels and accessible entryways. He guided them through the maze of hallways and ramps until they emerged at ice level, the freshly cleaned sheet of ice, with the Maple Leaf emblem in the centre, illuminated by the low lights of purple and blue. Gary’s face remained in awe as he absorbed his beloved team’s arena.

Josh leaned down toward Gary. “Let’s see this sign you’ve got,” he said with a grin. Gary proudly held it up, revealing a poster with a large arrow pointing downward and the caption, “Hey Boys! Look all the way down here. Next Leafs Power Forward ON WHEELS - pass me the puck!”

Josh’s grin stretched from ear to ear, his laughter echoing above the hum of the arena. “Man, this is gold,” he laughed, giving Gary a fist bump. “This should definitely get some attention—just be ready….those pucks can come flying over the glass pretty quickly,” Josh light-heartedly warned, saying it more to Loren than Gary.

“That’s why I bring her,” Gary said, jerking his thumb toward Loren. “It’s her job to protect me—she gets paid for it, so she can take the puck to the head, not me.”

Josh laughed at Gary’s apparent heckling of Loren, who just shook her head and rolled her eyes at Josh. “Gee, thanks Gare. You really are such a charmer.”

Gary waved off Loren’s remark with a smile and placed the sign carefully on his lap as they waited.

Soon Kathy joined them at the glass, and they took turns taking pictures of their group with the arena as the backdrop.

Through her smile however, Loren couldn’t shake the nervous energy building inside of her. Her stomach churned—not just for the sheer excitement of waiting to see Gary’s reaction to warmups but also because she knew William was close by, getting dressed and preparing to hit the ice.

The thought of seeing him again made her heart race. She had not seen him since their bittersweet moment at Arlanda airport, when he placed soft, lingering kisses on her mouth before she stepped out of the vehicle. Beyond that, she and William hadn’t spoken since their brief conversation before the season opener. As much as she felt that the conversation was light with hints of amusement, it was still far from their usual easy chats. They were both far too aware of the things that still needed to be said.

During the drive into Toronto, Loren had filled Kathy in on the latest development with William - her call with Camilla. She explained how Camilla had calmed so many of the worries that still plagued Loren’s mind. The fact that Camilla didn’t “choose sides” - she acknowledged Loren’s feelings and gave her gentle guidance, with the understanding of what it might feel like to navigate William’s whirlwind life. It was as though Camilla was reassuring Loren, in her own way, that with her strength and the kind of person she is, that she’ll be more than okay no matter what she decides.

The sudden image of the exit from the Leafs dressing room appeared on the jumbotron screen, couple with the announcer’s voice, was met with the rumble of growing cheers from the crowd. Loren looked at Kathy and inhaled, while Kathy shot Loren a knowing smile while mimicking the Lamaze breathing technique for some much needed humour to ease the tension.

As they showed the players being lead out by the newest Leafs goaltender, Anthony Stolarz, Kathy and Loren positioned themselves on either side of Gary, holding up the sign for him and trying to make it as noticeable as possible. At this stage, all Loren really hoped for is that someone saw Gary’s sign, and would give him something tangible as a memory for that evening.

Loren fished out her glasses and slid them on - if a puck did come flying over the glass, at least she’d have a better chance of seeing it with her glasses on.

Bright white lights suddenly lit up the entire arena as Stolarz and the first handful of players stepped onto the ice, their blades audibly slicing through the surface as they skated their practice laps.

One by one, the Leaf players in their blue home jerseys emerged from the tunnel. Loren could not figure out where to look first as the players whipped by the glass with the sound of pucks ricocheting off the boards.

She finally saw the unmistakable jersey number 88 through the sea of jerseys that flew by her line of sight. Seeing him in person again sent a jolt through her entire body and her head started to pound with the sudden rush of adrenaline. Unaware that Loren had already spotted him, Kathy discreetly nudged her arm and nodded toward William, who was still on the opposite side of the ice, practicing some of his stick handling moves.

William had only been out on the ice for a couple of minutes, but he swore he glanced up and down the faces at the glass about a hundred times, with no luck in seeing Loren. He went about his routines - skating low and fast while making tight turns with the puck never leaving the tape on his stick. After a few turns, he shot the puck at the empty net which naturally went in.

He skated toward the blueline, sending a few pucks in different directions before turning back around. A sign caught his attention which had an arrow pointing downward - the sign seemed to dance along the glass until it was shifted to the side and revealed a man, barely visible at the glass, sitting in a wheelchair with a woman standing behind him.

He hadn’t recognized her right away with her glasses on, but the second he had, his heart swelled - the mixed feeling of relief, happiness and nervousness coursed through his body. She looked even more beautiful than ever - her locks swept up into a pony tail, her skin still miraculously golden despite autumn being in full swing.

When Loren spotted him gliding toward their spot at the glass, the pounding in her head gave way to a twisting knot in her stomach. Her eyes followed him as he read Gary’s sign, a smile tugging at his lips before he interacted briefly with a couple of players leaning against the boards.

Loren shifted nervously behind Gary’s chair, her fingers gripping its handles tightly. She prayed she looked poised and composed on the outside, even though her insides were anything but.

William’s gaze locked on hers, his lips curving into a subtle smile. He motioned for her to catch the puck he was about to flip over the glass. Loren’s eyes darted upward to the tall glass panels that separated them, and then back to him with a panicked expression that made him grin. The background music and chatter from the crowd drowned out his laughter as she exaggeratedly mouthed, “It’ll probably hit me in the mouth,” punctuating it with a wry roll of her eyes.

Still grinning, William motioned for her to head toward the camera hole in the glass. Loren hesitated for only a moment before moving toward it, the surrounding kids pressing closer to see what was happening.

Sliding off his glove, William scooped up a puck and reached through the opening. Loren stepped closer, her hand brushing against his as she took the puck. Her gaze lifted, and as she smiled softly to say thank you, his fingers lingered, gently wrapping around hers for a brief moment. Had it not been for the handful of children that converged around them, their shared moment might not have ended so quickly.

Loren made her way back towards Gary. She turned to see William using the blade of his stick to balance and vault pucks over the glass to the awaiting fans that had gathered. She handed Gary the puck she had been given, and glanced back towards William who needed to get on with his warmup. Before skating away, he looked at Loren and motioned for her to show him the back of her jersey. It was same the Auston Matthews jersey she was sporting the first time they met. Mocking his disapproval and exaggerating his disappointment, William gave Loren a confident grin as some fans cheered at his antics before he skated away.

A spectator hollered from his seat nearby “He may have asked you out if you had the right jersey on!” the man laughed.

Oh, the irony of that comment Loren thought.

—

Josh had guided Loren and Gary back to their section and their seats, and the two silently watched the video segments on the overhead screen as the clock wound down for the start of the introductions. A wide smile spread across Gary’s face as the lights dimmed, and the familiar voice of Mike Ross echoed through the arena. Loren couldn’t help but smile as she watched Gary’s reaction between each introduction -from the staff, the coaching team, and then the players—each called out in ascending numerical order.

Loren found herself gripping the armrest of her seat, her knuckles whitening as she counted down the moments. She hadn’t consciously realized her reaction until her heart gave an unexpected jolt when she heard the unmistakable, deliberate style of Mike Ross’s voice announcing, “From Stockholm, Sweden, number 88—William KNEEEE-LAAAAN-DER!”

The eruption of cheers was exhilarating. Loren instinctively whooped and hollered as she applauded, her smile stretching wide as her heart swelled with pride. She couldn’t stop herself from beaming at the sight of him stepping onto the ice, his easy smile flashed across the jumbotron as he skated to his place along the blueline next to Ryan Reaves.

In that moment, everything about William came into sharp focus. He wasn’t just the hockey star with unwavering self-assuredness or the man who was often a breath of fresh air to her. He was both. He was William—one of the most exciting players to watch on skates and the man who made her laugh until her cheeks hurt. She finally saw both parts of him converge in front of her eyes and her realization that she could be in awe of both versions simultaneously. This realization was coupled with knowing she missed him more than ever.

It was not long before the arena fell silent for the national anthems, and William stood in his usual spot at the bench and faced the flags as he had done countless times before. The camera swept across the team, lingering briefly on him. He was aware of it, the way players always were, but he didn’t adjust his expression. Instead, his eyes scanned the crowd, focusing on the accessible seating sections until he spotted her.

There she was, standing beside Gary’s chair, her hand resting lightly on the handlebars of his backrest. His grip tightened slightly on the shaft of his stick, the curved blade supporting his chin as he leaned against it. He stood still, watching her sing—or at least mouth the words—her glasses perched on top of her head where she would always unconsciously put them.

Seeing her through the glass partition during warmups had pushed his longing for her to the limit. The words about a thousand women versus one woman had played on his mind since she first said them. Now, amongst the faces of thousands of women, hers was the only one that he cared about seeing. He just hoped he could steal five minutes of her time after the game to tell her that.

But first, they had their home opener to win.

The game progressed quickly, with the Leafs improving as each period unfolded. Early in the second, William scored his first goal of the regular season, a perfectly executed play set up by Max Domi. His reaction was priceless—grinning widely, he pointed toward Max as if to give full credit to his teammate. Skating past the bench for the customary fist bumps, the thought of Loren in the stands, undoubtedly cheering along with the rest of the fans, gave him an extra spark of pride.

In the final minute of the third period, with the Penguins’ goalie pulled, William secured an empty-net goal, sealing the Leafs’ 4-2 victory. This time, as his teammates surrounded him, he caught a glimpse of Loren on her feet, clapping enthusiastically. The sight gave him a flicker of reassurance that maybe, just maybe, the night wasn’t over yet.

As the final seconds wound down and the team left the ice, Kathy approached Loren and Gary’s section. She bumped into Eriika, who had arrived to escort them down to the dressing room.

Eriika led the way through a maze of back hallways, the cheers of celebrating fans still echoing from the concourse above. Loren followed quietly, pushing Gary’s wheelchair while Kathy walked alongside them. The muted hum of the arena gave way to the buzz of media activity as they neared their destination. Off to the side of the dressing room entrance, Loren could already hear Mitch Marner’s familiar voice carrying through his post-game media scrum.

Eriika waved the three through, mentioning as they entered, “A few players, including Morgan, have something special for you, Gary—a signed jersey. They’ll be by shortly.”

The dressing room buzzed with post-game energy, the players scattered between chatting, packing their gear, or doing media interviews. Max Domi was the first to spot Gary and Loren, his face lighting up as he strode over, still partially in his gear.

“Hey, buddy! Great to see you again—and you brought the ‘ole ball and chain, I see,” Max teased, throwing Loren a playful wink.

Gary didn’t miss a beat. “I’m not allowed to call her that anymore,” he deadpanned in a slow drawl, looking up at Max. “She said she’d roll me off a cliff if I said it again.”

In the next room, William could faintly hear the conversation and laughter as he waited for his media availability. He was in a good mood from the win, but his focus was split. All he wanted was to get this part of the night over with and find Loren as soon as he could.

Standing shirtless, his hair slicked back under a backwards ball cap, William showed his typical casual demeanor as he answered questions about what he saw on Max’s play. But thirty seconds in, there was a slight pause in the reporters’ questions which seemingly gave him an opportunity to exit the scrum.

“All good? Thanks, guys,” William said, pushing himself off the wall, and started to walk away with a cheeky grin. The reporters paused for another second until one began asking another question, keeping William from escaping, eliciting some chuckles in the crowd. William was good-natured about the continuation of questions, and laughed at his attempt to make a run for it and getting caught in the act.

After fielding the remainder of questions, most of which could be considered obvious, William tossed a quick “Thanks” over his shoulder and left the reporters while giving the next player up, Anthony Stolarz, a friendly grin as the media readied themselves for the next round of questions.

William slipped back into the dressing room, immediately scanning the room until he spotted Loren standing next to Simon Benoit and the two Max’s, Domi and Pacioretty. He watched as she laughed at Simon explaining the story behind the team vote to name his little baby daughter “Cashew” before he and Alice settled on Adelaide for her name. “All because I call Alice peanut,” Simon chuckled, while Loren laughed and shook her head.

William’s heart raced as he approached the group, his eyes fixed on Loren. She did not notice him right away, her attention still on Simon who was explaining his excitement for the next day’s Thanksgiving dinner with Loren.

When her sights finally landed on him, everything around her seemed to slow. Her lips fell slightly open as her eyes first fell upon his bare chest, and then the rest of him. The second her eyes finally locked on his face, it was like a bolt of lightening traveled through her body.

Loren was so overwhelmed by the sight of him, she constantly averted her eyes in order to not simply melt into a puddle.

William appeared relaxed as he greeted Loren with a quiet “Hi” and a hug. In that one moment, his body felt starved for her.

“Can I borrow you for a sec?” William asked Loren, the tone of his voice serious.

With an air of uncertainty, Loren nodded. They excused themselves from the group, and he was soon leading her down a small corridor.

“Shit - sorry William, just two seconds - let me just let Kathy know, okay?” Loren said quietly as she turned back towards the main dressing room. William followed, realizing in that moment that he had yet to say his hellos to Gary.

Kathy sat with Jake McCabe and Morgan Rielly in Morgan’s stall, with Gary by their side and his newly signed “Rielly” jersey. Kathy was deep into explaining the sordid details of Gary’s early life experiences.

Loren approached Gary’s chair from behind and she rested her hands on his shoulders. Gary looked up at her as though he had found heaven on earth sitting in the dressing room. She patted his shoulders and apologized for interrupting.

William lowered himself to Gary’s line of sight. “Hey Gary - it’s great to see you again - how’ve you been man?”

Gary’s eyes lit up. He struggled at first with his words but Loren’s reassuring hands on his shoulders grounded him as he spoke. “Been real good. I think you’re gonna have a good year, Willy.” He slowly began to hand William the jersey in his lap. “Will you sign this for me?”

Kathy smiled at William and handed him a marker. Her eyes briefly connected with Loren’s as if to say “Go and get this sorted out with him now.”

William scribbled his signature on the shoulder of the jersey, and handed it back to Gary. He could see Gary’s eyelids started to droop from exhaustion and that Kathy and Loren need to get him home soon. “Gare - it’s good to see you again - and really nice to meet you,” he smiled at Kathy. “I won’t keep her but I just need Loren for a minute, is that okay Gary?”

“Agh - you can keep her,” Gary waved them off and chuckled when he saw Loren’s less than impressed expression.

“You know you’re not funny - right, Gare? Anyway, Kathy - I’ll be back in a sec.” Loren then turned to Jake and Morgan. “It was really great seeing you guys. And Congratulations again to you and Tessa on your little man, McCormick,” Loren grinned as Morgan and Jake leaned in for a hug.

Loren stepped back as William touched her shoulder, nodding his head subtly back toward the hallway. Loren’s nerves gripped her stomach as she followed his lead. She watched in mild amazement of how he glided past the buzz and the noise of the post-game activities without distraction. Somehow, he was still discreet as he lead her down a short corridor that ended at an unmarked door. With a quick glance over his shoulder, he opened it, revealing what appeared to be a small medical supply room.

While passing by, the only person that seemed to notice William and Loren was the new coach, Craig Berube. Fucking guy works fast, I’ll give him that he thought as he chuckled to himself .

William stepped aside to let her enter. She stepped though, her heart racing as he followed her in, the door clicking softly behind them, muting the laughter from the dressing room.

A singular fluorescent light flickered on, and Loren glanced around the room just to get her bearings. Her hands fidgeted, subtly but compulsively pulling at the hem of her jersey as she stood across from him. Her cheeks burned as she glanced at William, still shirtless, still with his backwards cap, and still the man she cared deeply for, and missed every day.

William leaned against a counter, watching her nervous movements. His heart sank seeing how unsure she appeared to be.

Despite her nervousness, she broke the ice with William immediately. “I’m disappointed I didn’t get to see you in your garters.”

William broke into a wide smile and hung his head. “Oh yeah? I carry them off pretty well, do I?”

“It’s humbling to know that you still are the sexier one in garters between the two of us,” Loren grinned.

“Says you - I think most men on the planet might disagree,” William chuckled.

Although their conversation had a lightness to it, silence eventually fell between them. William could see Loren struggling to keep control of her emotions.

She was cracking inside. Her shoulders drew together as she tensed, not wanting to break in front of him.

But it happened as soon as he asked her how she has been.

Her head lowered, hands soon covered her face as she wept. William himself felt tears prick at his eyes seeing how upset she was.

He gently pulled her into him, and felt her warm wet tears against his chest. As her body shudder, his arms completely enveloped her. He soon felt her palms along the side of his body which eventually circled around to his back.

His hand moved up to her hair, cradling the back of her head as she leaned her forehead against his chest. He felt her tears falling as they landed near the waistband of his shorts.

When Loren finally spoke, her voice hardly registered above a soft whisper. “I got it all wrong, didn’t I?” She let out a sob as her body trembled. Her fingertips pressed firmly against his skin.

“Loren, fuck. No. No.” William spoke into her hair. “You did not cause any of this. This was never - none of this was your doing. I need you to understand that.” William’s words were gentle but firm. “What else could you have done with all of that shit that was sent to you?”

It took a moment before Loren responded. “I don’t know, William,” she sniffled.

“I should have thought - I should have maybe thought to mention that interview stuff to you, just so you understood why I said what I did. It’s no excuse but I’m so used to these questions but - I’m not used…used to having someone in my life that I needed to explain this stuff to. I hope I’m making sense?”

Loren nodded her head.

William continued. He could feel Loren’s body beginning to loosen up in his arms as he pulled her a little closer. “The rest of it. I mean, some of the stuff I had planned to sit down with you once we were together and just sort of hash out, like - my past…"single" activities…in the offseason with a girl here and there.” His voice was soft as he spoke, stroking Loren’s hair as her sniffles began to subside.

“The two weeks you were with me - Loren, I was just - amazed - you amaze me - and how great that time together was, and I knew I wanted to - want to - whatever the fucking label is - be together, be in a relationship, date you - whatever it’s called. So I figured we’d have all the serious talks once I got back…but then all of this happened.”

Loren’s hands dropped down to his lower back, her forehead still resting against his chest.

“I know - or I feel like I’ve been the one that’s sort of fucked things up, more that a few times with you…and I know I suck when it comes to saying the right things…but I am so sorry, Loren, for the all of the shit I have put you through. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and a lot of shit decisions that I regret.

William paused, wanting to allow Loren to say something, but she remained silent, save for the odd sniffle. She stood still, absorbing William's words. She believed that they were genuine and heartfelt. His apology began to diffuse the pain of the past month, offering a glimpse of the regret he carried for the months that preceded this moment.

When she did finally speak, he wasn’t expecting her response. “You really need to wear a shirt—I’ve got tears and…other stuff all in your chest hair,” she said, her voice congested.

He released her body temporarily and grabbed some cotton pads nearby.

Loren tried to conceal her face a little as William pulled her back towards him. “I’m a fucking mess,” she said, embarrassed. “Yes, I’m a ugly crier too.”

William cradled Loren’s face in his hands, his thumbs gently brushing her damp cheeks. He leaned in, his forehead pressing lightly against hers. “There’s nothing about you that comes close to ugly -- you’re absolutely beautiful.”

Loren let out a small laugh, shaking her head as her hands rested on his chest. “I’m a puddle - nothing like smeared mascara and tears all over your chest to impress you,” she muttered, dabbing under her eyes and then swiping the pad across William’s chest.

“I can handle the mascara, the tears… and hmmm - whatever else you’ve got going on here,” he smiled. “Anything to make things right again, I’ll do, Loren.”

She reached around William’s shoulders, and he responded by wrapping his arms around her body, lifting her up and turned to set her on the counter. His hands fell to her hips as he positioned himself between her legs.

As he scanned her face, his expression became more reflective. “I’ve missed you so much. I don’t want to rush you so whatever you feel - whatever you want to do, just tell me, okay?”

“I’ve missed you too - so much, William.” Loren looked at him, her eyes soft with a hint of regret. “I know we need to talk - a little - or a lot more about things, but I’ve gotta get Gary back.”

William squeezed her hips - he tried to think of a way for her to stay with him. “I guess it would be shitty if you just let Kathy handle Gary on her own,” he said as he answered his own internal question. “What about tomorrow?”

Loren toyed with the gold chain around his neck. “I’m having Benny and Alice for Thanksgiving. I think he’s mentioned it to a couple other guys but they might do something else - it was up in the air, last minute kind of thing.”

“So - like turkey and stuff?” William smiled coyly. “I like turkey,” he hinted playfully.

“You’re welcome to come up, if you want to. There’d be enough to feed an army of Nylanders - knowing how much you guys like to eat,” Loren smirked. “If Alex is around and wants to, he’s more than welcome to come too.”

“Pablo and Banksy?” he asked.

She nodded. “Especially those two.”

Loren glided her hands down the front of his chest. The only thing on her mind was her mouth on his. She leaned forward, and brushed her lips against his. The kiss started softly but quickly deepened as the past unresolved emotions funneled into their longing for one another.

His hands found her waist, pulling her closer as their connection ignited.

William’s hands found their way under her jersey, he slowly pulled away slightly from their kiss and looked at the jersey again, shaking his head.

“We really need to get you a new fucking jersey - and not one with Matthews on the back.”

Loren raised her eyebrows. “McCabe?”

William chuckled and shook his head.

“Wait - “ Loren darted upwards muttering last names of the Leafs roster.

William raised an eyebrow as he nodded his head. “Ahhhh - I see it now…you’re using me to get to….”

“Pacioretty?”

William laughed his iconic laugh. He was truly dazzled by this woman.

Loren cocked her head to the side, her voice soft but teasing. “Nylander - I always sort of liked him. But he’s super hard to get.”

“Not if you ask nicely,” William countered with a smirk, leaning in closer. “And maybe if you agree to model it for me sometime, throw on those stilettos and the garters we just talked about, and I can definitely get you a Nylander.”

[poisonf0rest]

𝕻𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖔𝖓'𝖘 2024 In Review

⋅♱⋅ thank you @reilemon for the tag, this seems like fun so here we go~

⋅♱⋅ in all honesty building more of a community here clearly has to take priority since I don't quite know who to tag 😃 but if you are another writer or simply come across this feel free to join and wave hello

Total number of fics: 6 Total word count: roughly 137,000

𝕺𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝕿𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

Honestly I thought my writing days were over after I stopped getting inspired by Genshin- lack of interesting storyline, lack of interesting characters, racism, and more. My then-considered magnum opus of 掠夺 or The Raven was 118k words long and as the excitement over that project fizzled out I didn't think my muse would grant me again.

Then came Damnation, then came Love and Deepspace- or Rafayel, more specifically.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

To the Vows We Made in Blood (Damnation)

I'm fully expecting to both finish it and perhaps remix it with some original novels I've begun to research about classic angel, seven deadly sins, and even more gothic to publish it as an original book.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I didn't write anything new until May of this 2024 which is insane to me- to have a limb such as my writing cut off from me for so long feels downright impossible now. So writing again was a risk and the reward.

𝕱𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖒𝖞 𝖕𝖆𝖘𝖙 𝖞𝖊𝖆𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌, 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖘…

My best story of this year:

Love Me Through Every Lifetime - personal favorite as brainworms corrupted me for WEEKS before I gave in

My most popular story of this year: 

The Best Dreams Come in Threes (4.7k notes) - y'all wilding.

Love Me Through Every Lifetime (9.0k kudos) - also wilding but this time on ao3

Story with the single sexiest moment:

For the sake of preventing repetition I'll treat this one as Lines you want immortalized:

‘Ah,’ you laugh, a cold, bitter sound. ‘We know this path well. For there is none other that leads to such deplorable ruin of men and gods alike. There is no curse more twisted than love.’ This time when the Beast speaks, it sounds a lot like pleas. And yet you know there is nothing you can do for him, for history moves in vicious cycles, and not even the stars can defy destiny.

Which is to say, give me every reason not to stay, and I will love your monsters regardless. Which is to say, I still dream of kissing your claws and teeth. Which is to say, I love you. 

Of course it took something holy to create this kind of a hell. 

“You call it knowledge, I see only carnage.” “And the dog can stare at language so long as it desires, but it shall never speak.” “Then howl.”

He crawls, dragging up the path with his arm until he finally feels pain explode below his hip. His right leg begins growing back its knee, raw sinews exposed and throbbing as they scrape against the cobblestone. He crawls, like a fallen angel, like a dog. He crawls until he returns to you.

All from Damnation

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

hehe I'm copying the best quotes from y'all, enjoy:

The progression from "Don’t move or breathe in my direction either.” to getting eggified gets me every time. 

“Shh, it’s okay, I’ll defy your silly human biology, make you a mommy.” oh this. this got me. "Can I go deeper? Can I? Please, please, please—" NEVERMIND!!!!!! THIS ONE!!! THIS ONE GOT ME!!!

“Don’t act so shocked. You’ve been humping me like a desperate brat all evening, so go on and come like one. Come for me.” <-- that line of dialogue is gonna be living in my head rent-free for the rest of eternity, jesus CHRIST what a delicious meal

"Fuck control, fuck discipline, fuck holding himself back. Zayne wants you." LETS GOOOO!! ENDING THE YEAR WITH A LITERAL BANG WITH THIS ONE ✨💥

Most unintentionally telling story:

...imma let y'all out me for this one

𝖂𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖌𝖔𝖆𝖑𝖘 𝖋𝖔𝖗 2025:

Finish Damnation

Begin drafting my own original novel, likely mixing some of Damnation into it

Post more regularly? Perhaps at least one work a month

Hit 10K followers here!!!

Begin cultivating my own community: other writers, become a mentor (reach out to me for any writing or just life questions!!), and fandoms

[rhythmic-idealist]

I’m thinking today about when I was new at my (past) cashiering job.

And I felt very surveilled, because I guess that was just an expectation I had going into the job. There were cameras in the store, and directly above me, after all.

And for some reason, I didn’t know how much my register could be off by at the end of the night, without me being terminated.

And I remember not understanding that other cashiers were allowing people to simply be a little bit short, and that nothing was happening to them for doing that. The assumption, I imagine, is that we’re going to fuck up our math a little bit at some point anyway. Yes, the computer is doing the counting, and addition and subtraction for us, but, I think it must be assumed that I’m just going to hit some point accidentally grab a few too many quarters or some thing during a transaction and hand someone a little bit too much change. That didn’t occur to me until a conversation with a coworker about it, way after I had refused several times to sell, obviously unhoused people very cheap items.

I remember the moment when I realized that a security guard was asking me if someone had paid for a 12 pack of sodas on the bottom of their cart, and they were asking me that because in order to do their job as security guard, they had to ask me that. But I was completely able to say no, they weren’t going to tell anyone I was lying if I said, no, and they kind of wanted me to say no. They walked out into the parking lot and took that person’s 12 pack of sodas. I only realized as the security guard was walking back into the store that I didn’t have to do that. In general, I was being way less surveilled than I thought it was.

(I got better after this of course but by god I burn deep in my throat every time I think about it. Sending that security guard to grab someone’s sodas off the bottom of their shopping cart, Jesus Christ. I didn’t care about shoplifting! I didn’t know I could get by with that! I remember the first time I slid a low sugar apple juice into someone’s shopping bag after informing her that it wasn’t covered under WIC. I could have given her BOTH of them and no one would have know except her and me but at least I’d given her one.)

So I’m listening to a video by Legal Eagle about project 2025 and what it intends to implement, right now. 

I don’t think I personally am going to be in much of a position where any of my work at my job has anything to do with that. But it involves a lot of changes across a lot of offices and industries and I’m pondering the boundaries that were looser than I thought they were at my cashier job.