#but its very important to me that you care about sam and dean because if you don't care about sam and dean

[wellofdean]

Today’s debate going on in your asks is really making me feel validated. I have always read Dean as bisexual, even the very first time I watched the show in 2011? 12? It was so important to me as a, at that time, closeted bisexual myself. Because as you said, bisexuals can “play it straight.” We often need to so that we’re not attacked by straights and the LGBT+ community alike for “pretending” to “actually” swing one way or the other. Dean, of course, felt attacked by a completely different community, the straight, heavily macho hunter community, but both the text and subtext was clearly there.

Coming from a family that does not accept queerness of any kind, I completely identified with Dean and his, as Sam called out, over-compensating, his overwhelming demonstration of masculinity, his softness with children and women who did not display matching overwhelming femininity, his blustering when teased about such things. Dean also had to constantly defend himself in other respects. In his here-and-there school days, for example, he fought with others about how his dad was a hero, how he wasn’t a freak. Additionally, Sam was and always would be his first priority. His happiness and personal feelings were never not on the back burner. Sam came first. The mission came second. The victims third. His own health and wellness was so buried on the ladder of priorities it may as well have been the unnoticed rusty nail on a random rung.

All of which coincides with my high school experience. School came first. Then my part-time job. Then building friendships and pursuing that teenage “normalcy.” Then maintaining/appeasing family… Who cared about my personal inclinations? I certainly didn’t haven’t time to. Besides, that’s what your twenties are for, when you have the time, freedom, and maturity to explore while making smart, cautious choices while entering new communities and relationships.

Dean, however, didn’t have that time, freedom, or maturity. Yes, he grew up too hard too fast, but in a way that skipped over the development of interpersonal skills. He went straight from 5 to 45 under the ever-present, threatening and abusive command of his homophobic father. There was no other possible outcome for him other than a deeply closeted bisexual. And it’s always present, in his flirting with cops like the “Blue Steel” mugshot, in his dynamic with Victor Henriksen, in his flirting for Charlie, in his “gay thing” with Aaron (was that his name? It’s been a while).

Jensen plays Dean so, so well with so much depth and understanding and nuance. And at this point, the fandom at large just frustrates me (rather than infuriates as it did ten years ago when I was far more invested) in its denial and/or debate regarding his bisexuality because to me it’s perfectly clear.

Thanks for this ask, and from one invisible bisexual to another, I feel you. The story means a lot to me, too, and for similar reasons. I really relate to Dean in a lot of ways, and it makes me so sad when people say it's queerbaiting and homophobic, because I think not understanding your own heart, living for years outside of your own truth, and not getting over your bullshit until it's too late and having to live with the grief of that are quintessential bi experiences for A LOT of people. Dean makes me feel seen, and I wish such huge swathes of the fandom would just...watch it again and see that it's deeply queer -- it's just not the story they told themselves in their own heads.

[eisforeidolon]

I feel fans should be able to interpret shows and characters any way they want but it really bothers me that shippers die on the hill of Dean is such a closeted bi sexual and Sam is the biggest heterosexual out there. I love these characters because they are extremely toxic and codependent on each other. The story would not be the same with out that. Why would anyone look to Supernatural to be their all time gay representation love story when it most obviously is not. it just blows my mind how out there Destiel shippers are and how much they truly hate this show and hate Dean without even realizing it. I need someone to figure out how we can get rid of them from this fandom...LOL

Yeah, IDGI either. Fandom is supposed to be about just having fun however you want with the building blocks from the canon + your imagination. It's not even the main point that they're hilariously bad at interpretation, project too hard onto the characters to even see them, can't understand context to save their lives, pointedly ignore a million things that directly contradict their agenda, and too much of their so-called proof is actually gross backwards stereotypes about sexuality and masculinity (neither of which they seem to understand very well at all). If they were just having fun with it, who the fuck cares? Sure, it's annoying, but a lot of fandom is annoying because it is so specifically tailored to things not everyone is gonna like. There are other canons with fans who are fine admitting they just like playing in the canon world but not the canon itself that much.

No, the problem is hellers are not content to just enjoy their non-canon interpretations in fandom. They feel entitled to flood any and every tag associated with the show, trying to demand their interpretations be considered indisputably canon fact because ... reasons ... and anyone who doesn't agree with them is A Bad Person because ... they say so. Their ship is the greatest love story (n)ever told, the best representation evar in media! It's the only important thing about SPN - and if they couldn't change the canon, they can change the fandom narrative! The fact there's actually no there there under their overblown thousands upon thousands of words of inept meta is why the very suggestion it's not canon, that someone doesn't see it as the greatest thing ever, that maybe Dean is actually just a heterosexual instead of putting on an elaborate performance of one or even that Sam might not be the straightest character ever written? Is taken as an attack upon their self-declared status as the real main audience. Which makes sense, because they never were. SPN was anything but subtle as to what its actual focal relationship was.

To some extent I get how they echo-chambered each other into believing their ship was/would be a thing in canon. If you just look at the size of the piles on piles of cherry-picked nonsense they accumulated over the years without actually engaging your brain to see how variously flimsy, out of context, or how many other more sensible interpretations there were for any of them? If you wanted to believe and surrounded yourself with others who did, too, and kept talking each other up, spending way more time doing that than watching the show? It's no wonder some of them ended up with really skewed expectations.

What I don't get is how they're still going this long after the show ended. SPN is over and there's no more 'Well, next season for sure!' to promise themselves. There are increasingly more stories out there now in a variety of media which are centering deliberately, openly LGBT+ characters and relationships they could invest in championing! Hell, just saying screw canon and burying themselves in writing their idea of "better" fanfic is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with disappointment, no matter how self-inflicted. Instead, they're still here making up elaborate conspiracies about how SPN was something other than what it blatantly obviously always was - because admitting they were wrong and the only thing they ever liked about it was their own OOC fanfic very, very loosely based off of it? Well, that's more than a bit embarrassing in light of how long they spent campaigning and how vehement they were about it totally being not just A Thing but The Most Important Thing Ever. So I don't know what would actually get them to move on, they clearly love being miserable and wrong and pretending to be martyrs over it far too much for me to comprehend.

[quietwingsinthesky]

your aro dean posts remind me of the siren episode! people use the fact dean got a "male" siren as a way to prove that dean is attracted to men in meta posts, but the siren itself tells dean that it took this form because the type of intimacy dean longs for the most is a platonic relationship (a brother that looks up to him and trusts him)

LITERALLY!!!! I was mostly joking when I made my first post about aro!dean being the closest thing we have to canon, but???? I mean????

The more you look, the more the evidence stacks up: His longest relationship pre-canon lasted a few weeks. (Thinking of Cassie here, who I think is valid evidence for a demiromantic dean reading but could also be him wanting a deeper relationship with her and thinking the only way forward was a romantic one.) (his relationship with lisa pre-canon was that they had bendy sex lmao.) His fantasy world with the djinn gives him a fake wife who isn’t even a real person he knows but a fantasy from a advertisement (if I remember correctly.) AND he spends that whole episode more focused on the fact that his relationship with that version of Sam is so damaged. His siren takes the form a brother when his relationship with Sam is at its rockiest. When Zach puts him in his little au where Dean’s a Normal Guy, he still lives alone, no hint of even a fake romance this time. Sam and Dean SAVE THE WORLD because their relationship as brothers is so important and powerful, literally destiny changing, they held together under a pressure that broke two archangels apart!!! His relationship with Lisa is very clearly A Performance underpinned by caring about her and Ben but not being able to do so in the way she needs. He meets Benny in purgatory and when their relationship deepens beyond friendship, he likens it to being brothers. Family is always and forever Thee most important thing to him. He repeatedly voices a distaste for dating and the like. He literally just wants to nest in a war bunker with his brother and his buddies, cooking burgers and making sure they’re all safe 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Alsjdjlfjfkd sorry that’s so long but like!! Making a point!!! This man does not need a romantic relationship, he does not want it, he is always more fulfilled by platonic relationships!!!

[secretsoftheuniverse1987]

There are very few scenes I think about as often as the widower arc prayer. Dean Winchester prays to God on screen one time in the entire series and this is it y'all. How could I not have so many thoughts about this?

Okay, Chuck… or god, or whatever. I need your help. He still thinks praying is begging! He doesn't want to be caught out, and, even after hiding behind the building, he looks around to be sure no one is around to see him because this is embarrassing, it's pathetic, it's the action of a deeply desperate man. And still, he says, explicitly "I need your help." (Also, not we, but I. Dean is dependent on Sam but often manages to take the blame and responsibility entirely for himself, but that's perhaps another conversation.)

See, you– you left us. You left us. You went off. You said… you said the earth would be fine because it had me… and it had Sam, but it’s not, and we’re not. Dean's relationship with God can never be removed from his relationship with his father. When Dean accuses God of abandonment in All in the Family, Chuck spouts a bunch of bullshit before saying "I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don't confuse me with your dad." (Absolutely diabolical and I will never be over that either.) And Dean continues to view their relationship through that lens. He knows a thing or two about absent fathers. John expected Dean to be able to take care of the family business and wouldn't answer the phone even when Dean was dying, God expected Sam and Dean to be able to take care of the literally the world and didn't even show up for the biblical apocalypse, and Dean is yet again at his lowest, doubting, begging, and met with absolute silence. Of course this man has no faith in a higher power.

We’ve lost everything (voice breaks). And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back Mom, you’re gonna bring ‘em all back. All of ‘em. Even Crowley. Okay so Cas is Dean's everything and that's just something we're all supposed to be normal about? Yes, the death toll in All Along the Watchtower is so much more than Cas, and Dean goes on to mention Mary and Crowley, but he literally says "we've lost everything, and now you're gonna bring him back". Grammatically, this is pointing in a certain direction, is all I'm saying.

’Cause after everything that you’ve done, you owe us, you son of a bitch. So you get your ass down here and you make this right, right here and right now. Dean doesn't actually believe Chuck is going to answer him. He tried at first to have some kind of deference, but he's angry, and he slips back into that anger easily, and he calls Chuck a son of a bitch because he is only here because of God. He doesn't know at this point just how much Chuck is orchestrating things, but he has always lived for someone else and as soon as he might have been free from his father, he learned he was the Michael sword. His life has been lived in service, he has done everything he can to keep the world safe, and God, the one here with the actual power, the one that job is actually meant to fall to has completely checked out. So of course Dean wrecks that wooden sign, and of course he's violent with his words and his body in the coming episodes. He sees himself as the sword, and Sam the shield, and it's more important than ever that he's able to take up that mantle. He doesn't have anything else.

There's more to unpack with this scene (e.g. the camera work, its placement in the episode, etc.) but the words alone are doing so much.

[evas-spn-thoughts]

s01e03 - Dead in the Water

We now get into episode 3, Dead in the Water...

It's a fantastic episode and great insight into Dean Winchester.

That's it, that's my whole intro.

So before I start my breakdown, I just want to say that I genuinely love this episode. The monster of the week aspect is fine, and the water aspect is very creepy and really works.

But, how they start to unpack the enigma that is Dean Winchester is my favourite thing. Dean in season 1 is very different to who he ends up being - part of that is good writing and part of that is an accident which ended up creating - imo - the greatest male fictional character on tv.

This is an episode that I can point to and say 'yes, that is the Dean Winchester that I see in the later seasons' because while the foundations are laid for who he is, there isn't a lot of obvious similarities between later seasons Dean and s1 Dean - but this episode unpacks the gentle side of him and how we know going forward that a lot of Dean Winchester is posturing and seeming tough, while actually being very caring and very loving.

I don't have a fear of water, but I am nervous swimming in lakes and any dark water, and this episode does not help with that anxiety. We open on a woman swimming and she gets dragged under, which is terrifying!!!!

It doesn't need to be said every episode, but my god Dean is pretty!!!

Sam annoys me a little bit with his whole judgement of Dean sleeping or flirting with anyone, like... it's entirely unnecessary, and makes him look like a bit of a dick. Its a very conservative view of sex and I suppose in 2005 there might have been a want to have the promiscuous brother - Dean - and the romantic brother - Sam, but now as I watch it in 2024 it feels a bit slut shamey. 

Sam is very touchy about finding dad, he gets annoyed about it very quickly, and it's funny because Dean isn't annoyed at Sam, until Sam implies that Dean doesn't care about finding John as much as he does. Dean goes on the offence and talks about Sam not being there and Dean being with John 'for the last 2 years'. 

This to me reads as Dean feeling attacked rather than actively trying to make Sam feel bad. The one thing you can always believe about Dean is that no one - other than Sam, maybe - cares about their family as much as Dean does, and Sam implies that Dean doesn't care which sets him off on the defensive, because Family is top priority for Dean, always.

Again Dean highlights the importance of saving people, not just finding dad. Another instance of his want to help people and not just kill monsters or be on a mental revenge quest.

Agent Ford and Hamill... God, some of the aliases are just not it.

Another example of Dean trying to go with someone to get to the truth, he messes up with the Dam and just goes with the punch to try and save face. It's not a massive thing, but it's funny to note that he's done that in this episode and the last. 

Dean meets Andrea, he's friendly, shakes her hand, isn't creepy or leering at her. Then he sees her son, Lucas, and immediately switches his attention to wanting to know how he is, when he doesn't reply, he moves on - but it clearly stays with him that Lucas doesn't talk. 

Him asking Andrea to take them to the motel is definitely veering more on the side of wanting a hookup, but the whole walk he is asking about Lucas, he doesn't do it well... but he is asking about that and not anything else. I don't see him asking about Lucas or saying 'kids are the best' as a chat up line, it's just Dean got a bad vibe from Lucas and wants more information.

Sam again doesn't know his brother all that well, because as we will find out, Dean Winchester is amazing with kids - from young kids all the way to troubled teenagers. It shocks me that in the same episode where we see Dean being so gentle with Lucas, we have his brother implying that Dean doesn't interact well with children. Like, that is not a way to show the brother bond, how Sam doesn't know that is beyond me - Dean raised Sam, how does Sam not see that Dean is a very nurturing and caring figure. I suppose it goes back to how differently Dean presents himself in front of Sam compared to how we end up knowing Dean to be, and maybe highlights how Sam remembers their childhood and how those 2 years away may have skewed his view on his brother.

Dean's caring instincts kick into overdrive when he finds out that Lucas saw his dad die. We literally see him look at the scenario in a totally different light, and he immediately can relate to Lucas. 

Sam does not have the same emotional reaction, he looks at it as a case, and sounds very calm about everything and is just stating the facts. This is the first clear instance we get of this case being very different for Sam than for Dean.

The minute Dean see's Lucas he has a one track mind for seeing if he is okay or knows anything about the lake.

Sam is finally understanding that Dean's care and interest in Lucas is not related to trying to sleep with Andrea.

Dean seems to see himself in Lucas almost immediately, which we will see more later in the episode, but to me, that is why Dean is so certain that Lucas knows something and saw something.

The scene between Lucas and Dean while they are drawing is amazing, its one of the core reasons why I love Dean Winchester, and part of that is Jackles and how he manages to make Dean sound so gentle when he talks to Lucas, but he also doesn't talk down to him. He manages to convey that Dean just cares... about everyone. He cares about this kid we met 5 minutes ago enough to understand that Lucas doesn't want to talk, but will listen and maybe just needs someone to understand him.

His voice and the slight break in his voice before he says 'that's... my mom' is so telling of how Dean is still not over her death, and it still affects him even 22 years on. These are all examples of instances where Jensen just does something, that he - even 3 episodes in - understands Dean Winchester.

'Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with'. If that isn't Dean talking about himself - and most likely Sam, because Dean always puts Sam first. These throwaway lines give you an idea of what they had growing up, and how they likely had to persevere through a lot.

Clearly Dean trying with Lucas makes an impact, because Lucas trusts him enough to want to give Dean a clue and draws him a picture.

The whole hand in the sink thing is the second thing that creeps me out about this episode, it is awful!!

The boy are smart again - and I am here for it. They put together that it's coming from the lake not 'something that controls water'.

Dean not talking after Mary's death is one of my roman empires, I think about it so much. Because it makes total sense that he would stop talking. Dean feels so much all the time, so the idea that he was so scared after Mary that he couldn't talk makes sense. 

Dean very obviously sees himself in Lucas and through that he can connect to him, and also open up in a way he probably doesn't do a lot. 

We understand that Dean tries to be brave every day because of his mom, which is a knife in my heart. 

The blocking of the shot, and the fact that we see Dean talking to Lucas with Sam and Andrea lurking by the door is interesting, because at some point, the camera pans past Dean and makes him a blur and shows Sam very obviously and as the centre of the shot, and clearly you are meant to care about Sam's reaction to what Dean is saying and him learning something new about his brother. 

This plays into my belief that at least in season 1, Dean and Sam have a relationship that is slightly less brotherly, and leans into the fact that Dean raised Sam. This is a factor, because as everyone gets older, you start to understand and learn about the person that raised you, you start to see that when you were a kid you may not have noticed everything. Season 1 to me, is Sam learning about the man who raised him, and realising that how he remembers Dean may not be the true Dean, it would also explain why the softer and more vulnerable side to Dean is slightly alien to Sam, because as a parent, you try to hide the insecurities or struggles, and that's what Dean has done for Sam his whole life.

Sam tries to bring up the whole selective mutism thing that Dean has just talked about, but Dean is very quick to shut down any talk of that. Dean is very emotional and is not averse to talking about these things. But I think he needs to feel in control of how they are brought up and talked about, he needs to be the one to open up and not have Sam ask about it. It's part of Dean and his need to put up a front, he doesn't want to talk about things that make him emotionally vulnerable unless he decides to, and he will just shut down when he doesn't want something talked about - which I relate to.

This won't be the last instance of Sam learning something about their childhood, we get at least 2 more that I remember off the top of my head.

We get a lore dump, and some traumatic stories from an older woman. We also Mr Carlton talking to the lake. All the norm for Supernatural.

They go to the police station and are talking about the case. Lucas gets upset and tries to cling onto Dean, another way to show the trust Lucas has in Dean.

The boys get called out for not being rangers, and very aggressively get told to leave. They both stay quiet and agree to leave - even if they don't actually.

Dean's conscience gets the better of him, and we assume he heads back into town. Sam is doubtful, but Dean is very sure that they haven't solved the case, he says that Lucas was scared and he doesn't want to leave until he's sure Lucas will be okay.

Sam yet again has no clue who Dean is, because he is shocked that Dean cares about Lucas.

If there were water related deaths happening in my town, I would not be having a bath. Just saying.

Lucas is banging on the door, as Andrea is flailing around in the bath. Thankfully tv magic is at play and Dean and Sam come at the perfect time to save her. Dean stays with Lucas, and Sam saves Andrea.

Lucas begins to creepily stare out the window and then walks out to the shore line. Kids doing things while just staring is very off putting.

We realise that Andrea's dad and Bill Carlton killed Peter many years ago and the spirit is going after his family - which fair enough, if someone killed me, I'd be coming back as a spirit to get them.

He DROWNED a boy and he says they didn't mean to!!! Holding someone underwater is not an easy thing to accidentally do.

Lucas gets pulled underwater by the spirit and Dean jumps into save him.

Jake sacrifices himself to stop Lucas from being taken, and Dean gets Lucas.

Jensen talks about filming this, and it sounds terrible. Apparently he had divers holding his legs and trying to pull him under while he was holding the little boy who plays Lucas. Now I'm a strong swimmer but that still sounds awful, and they are wearing layers, so many layers.

Sam says that 'they can't save everyone' but he and Dean seem to be taking it hard that they didn't save Andreas dad.

In a very cute moment, Dean makes sure Lucas knows to say 'Zeppelin Rules' which is just adorable. Dean also gets another kiss from a woman he hasn't been flirting with but oh well, it's supernatural in 2005, its gotta happen.

Overall,

This is a very good episode, and the first since the pilot that keeps me entertained the whole way through, we steadily understand who Sam is as the show goes on and every episode so far has given us something new.

But there is something about uncovering who Dean is that just makes it feel more impactful, it might be that it just feels like we are getting an insight into something that the other characters don't see, and it might just be down to how magnetic Jensen is, that we constantly want to learn more about Dean and we learn things slowly.

[soullessjack]

SPN?

1) honestly jody and donna , i know they aren’t entirely canon but both actresses support the idea and that’s good enough for me ^_^

** secondary is jack/harper i LOVE them and we deserved to see more. #letjackfuck2k24

2) rowena and jack!!!! i see their dynamic as an aunt/nephew type thing and I love (almost) every time they’re together (omitting the time jack witch-napped her to bring back Mary). I wish we got to see more of them </3

3) Sam and Amelia. usually i can handle the show’s bad moments as enjoyably bad but season 8 was paint-drying levels of boring. Amelia was a bland nothing-burger of a character and the rest of Sam’s normal guy arc did absolutely nothing for him or the season

4) hmmmmm….. not sure I have one actually 🧐

5) JACK <3 my most special boy in the entire world i love him more than anything ever Even my other special interests and fixations 😭 he’s been deeply important to me for 7 years now and probably will be for the rest of my life!! I self-ship with him and plan on getting several tattoos for him and hopefully I’ll be able to meet Alex again someday :3

6) Lucifer/Nick, hands down. Lucifer stopped being an interesting villain to me around like S7 or so honestly, and every time he got brought back it just felt like such a lazy move from the writers or a painful excuse to keep mark on the payroll

7) something that should’ve happened…very broad question for this show. Destiel should’ve happened, a better finale should’ve happened, some deleted scenes and scripts should’ve happened, Jack being covered in more blood and maybe having a longer lasting ‘villain’ arc should’ve happened …many such cases

8) something that shouldn’t have happened…again, many choices, but to save time I’ll just leave it at Nick’s entire character. besides (see #6) he straight up shouldn’t be alive. Dean shot him in the head with the Colt all the way back in S5 lmao

9) hmmmmm……i think my entire blog is full of rare (if not downright unpopular) opinions, but if I had to choose one that is Extremely rare, I’d go with this one: Dean is one of Jack’s dads. As frustrating as his initial behavior is, he does grow past it, and he puts genuine effort into being a better mentor/father figure to Jack—not only because he does care about them, but also because he literally could not forgive himself for how he acted and wanted to make up for it as much as he could.

obviously they do have a very complicated and rough relationship, but that’s literally every other relationship on this show, and it’s kind of agitating that they aren’t given the same nuance or understanding that the others get—especially when half of the discussions surrounding it can be boiled down to “bad man mean to helpless baby” (which is another thing on its own but ill stop here). I don’t mean this as an excuse or apologia for Dean’s behavior, but when you consider that he’s a severely traumatized person with a relatively small support system and a canon tendency to verbally abuse/emotionally distance himself from people as a coping mechanism (literally what he had a breakdown over in Purgatory) it’s a little easier to understand it.

everyone is quick to talk about how he said “Jack’s not family,” but nobody paid attention to the fact that in the script, he’s mildly horrified at Jack agreeing with him (if you truly meant an insult, wouldn’t you’d want the target to agree?). or that after jack restores the world from chuck’s damage, Dean not only fully expects/wants them to go back to the bunker with them (IE continue living there) but he also literally fantasizes about buying jack a big screen tv and recliners for saving the world. so id love if the fandom ixnayed on the “uncle” shit. ironically the only one of TFW to actually be Jack’s uncle is Cas, biologically

alternatively for a rare opinion: i want jack kline biblically, carnally, horrendously, homosexually, expeditiously, and so on and so forth.

[dotthings]

Catharsis is a very important part of storytelling. Watching 1.13 finally handed me the cathartic note I needed.

And it gave me Dean back and freed him from the narrative trap 15.20 left him in. Opened up on context and pov, used a different tone and execution and took a different route into Dean’s story. Without changing the plot tent poles. TW 1.13 is a transformative, recontextualized, and widened and deepened response. And I cried like I couldn’t with 15.20 and it was the cathartic kind of crying, it was joy and sadness. It was what 15.20 promised me it would be yet wasn’t, not for me, and I don’t think ever will be. Now it’s just a stumble in a longer, much bigger story, for Dean’s emotional journey, and for the spn universe.

THERE’S SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE

So I’m going to be making a bunch of posts. Let me start with Dean.

So Dean makes it Heaven after the rebar, however he’s still full of sadness and regrets, about his own death about things left unsaid and the fates of himself and his closest people, and those relationships, and not just that, the cumulative sadness of his family’s tragic history, I think, hit him all at once there. TW has been about trauma all along and especially as a reflection on Dean’s trauma. We don’t have all the answers to all the mysteries so “why not rebar undo” is something that we should get answers on later. I was right about how important context is. This is only the beginning of the continuing story. We don’t have all the context on that so I’m sticking a pin in it and asking people to stay open-minded on how undoing that is not the only path out of the dark forest 15.20 left many of us in, I also don’t know what outcomes are going to be.

So Dean, restless and despairing and with his emotional journey not complete, decides if he can’t have his happy ending, he’ll find a universe where his family does. Since Chuck’s shitty drafts pretty much all implode and end up in destruction and even worse scenarios than spn prime, Dean HAS TO MAKE HIS OWN DRAFT.

HE TAKES CONTROL OF THE NARRATIVE.

This full on loudly acknowledged the immense sadness of the spn prime ending, in an spn universe show, and its sadness to Dean and that is also immensely cathartic. Jensen, being an EP and the spn universe boss rn, wants people to know, he gets it. While he doesn’t trash the finale on con stages, doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand.

I’m listening to what the story’s singing to me.

And we get more Dean pov and Dean’s story now. He’s got almost everyone he’s ever loved and instead of just driving around aimlessly for 40 years he finds a new mission, to protect the world of spn prime, where Sam’s trying to live a life. Of course he’s going to safeguard that, just like he went and made his own better draft in an AU world to give some version of his family and their found family a better chance. It’s a fundamental misunderstanding of Dean and who he is to reduce this to “did it all for Sam.” Of course he’s going to safeguard Sam, as he has since they were children. There are wider deeper reasons he did this. He didn’t do this just for Sam and everyone else he cares about on earth prime (& you can miss me pretending he wouldn’t care about safeguarding Garth’s family, or Jody and Donna’s), he also did this due to his own pain, his own hurt, his own need for comfort.

Dean matters. And there’s a whole PLOT here born from Dean acting on that sadness.

This next stage of his arc is just BEGINNING THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. Because while Dean’s viewpoint that if he can’t have a happy ending, everyone else will, Sam will have it, AU John and Mary will have it, is very Dean, him actually going around to other worlds to save people to others can be happy, is a way he copes, he still hasn’t addressed within himself his own need for a happy ending and that he can find one for himself. And no, that isn’t about Sam and Dean on the bridge.

What TW did here was acknowledge the Sam and Dean bond while it’s also showing how Dean can exist without Sam beside him, so long as he knows Sam is safe. This is not a hypothetical or speculation. That is what TW just showed us and that is really important for Dean’s arc. His people are important to him. But his trauma was never just about Sam. The reason he is the way he is about Sam isn’t about Sam, it’s about trauma. We’ve seen Dean hit those same points with his very closest people—over John, over Cas, over Sam, it’s reflection on how deep those relationships go it’s also a reflection on Dean. It’s about Dean. It’s about him and his big heart and his trauma and how he deal with loss and trauma.

Dean’s motivations may be to protect others, that’s part of who he is, that’s also—I feel like far too many people don’t stop to ask WHY. What makes Dean tick. There are different ways to react to loss, grief, or show love, why is Dean the way he is.

This is exactly what I needed to see, this kind of exploration of Dean after 15.20. No it’s not done yet, it’s not going to repair all the wounds all at once. So for those still hurting, I’m just going to beg them to remember this is just the start of a new stage of Dean’s story and the TW finale just blew his story wide open.

That 40 year gap.

We are in the [OMMITTED]

This is Dean’s story. I AM GOING TO START CRYING AGAIN.

[angelwolf985]

finished watching supernatural s1-15 in 3 months! here are my opinions on the finale!

(warning: probably unintelligible, and very ranty) (+ obvious spoiler warning)

episode 18 was fuckin emaculate. genuinly. it was amazing. the one thing i didnt like about it was how it jumped about, same with 19.( i dont blame them for it tho, it makes sense with the story, i just didnt really love it.) 19 was good for the most part and served as a decent ending but was missing castiel and eileen (mention + presence) which sucked but what can you expect yk,,

episode 20. i have. so many issues with episode 20. WHY DID THEY EVEN????? LIKE TWO MENTIONS OF CAS, NO MENTION OF EILEEN, DEAN FUCKING DIEING, SAMS WIG, ???HEAVEN BEING LACKLUSTER???? it was so. just disappointing. cuz it could've been great. the end part of 20 was the only good part (jared and jensen signing off of the show). the show should've ended on 19 tbh. thats how im seeing it anyway. in my mind thats where it ended, but like, with cas and eileen back.

what i really disliked:

deans death. im pretty sure everyone hated that. and the whole like thing of him dying was really,, sorta,, weird? like; why did it go on so long?? did it happen bc he doesnt have god given plot armor anymore or was it just cuz?did jack see it? how did he feel about it? did he care or did he be all omniscient because he became god?? how did he survive that long? logistically? there was a fucking rusty rebar thing IN HIS SPINE (or like RIGHT NEXT TO IT??). WOULD THAT NOT?? PARALYZE?? OR WORSE???. and, im sorry, but i hated the forehead touch. it felt weird man. i get that they were close but,, not that close? even when they were more unhealthily codependent they wouldn't have done that. i think so anyway. i dunno. also. DEAN HAS SHOWN MULTIPLE TIMES AND IM SURE THE WRITERS WERE OVERTLY AWARE THAT DEAN DID NOT WANT TO DIE ON THE JOB. HE WANTED TO RETIRE WITH SAM AND CAS. ALWAYS WANTED THAT. he often said shit like "we're gonna die on the job, draw the short stick, thats just how it is, how its gonna end for us." (mixing quotes from the top of my head so, not exact) which he clearly thought would happen because pessimism but he NEVER wanted that. for HIMSELF or SAM. dean dying in this episode IS A CRITICAL DISSERVICE TO HIS CHARACTER.

sams mystery wife and (non mystery) child. BLURRY FACE WIFE. WHY IS SHE. WHY. also- how did he recover (seemingly) so quickly? i mean- if he really believed dean was gone FOREVER. when death hasnt meant forever in forever, how would he be so okay? idk. also, idk why, but sam having a kid seems very bizzare. could just be me. also. where tf is eileen. is she the blurry face wife? why would they do that if yes? (could be a load or reasons, either way they couldve like, said it was eileen, if it was supposed to,, idk,,,)

one or two mentions of castiel. did the writers just forget his CHARACTER IMPORTANCE?!?!? HES SO IMPORTANT TO THE STORY??? HE GRIPPED DEAN TIGHT AND RAISED HIM FROM PERDITION. HE LOVED DEAN. DEAN (INARGUABLY) LOVED HIM BACK. he (castiel) deserved SO. much better. my friend who has watched spn since she was a baby AGREES WITH ME. i GRRR I GRR I GRRR!!!! cas not being in this episode is such an aggravating disservice to his character. he deserved more. the fans deserved more.

alright im done ranting now. may add more on later. im gonna go rewatch the show and read fix it fics.

[scoobydoodean]

I think I've determined one thing that bothers me about fandom's use of the word "autonomy", and it's that it's used in such a broad context, with an implication that any action to which the term can be applied automatically implies injustice, victimhood, and villainy. I can then build a framework where anything that is technically a violation of someone's autonomy victimizes them and makes every action taken against them unjust and villainous.

The Shtriga (Dr. Hydecker) in "Something Wicked" just wanted to eat. He got shot and killed while he was only trying to live his life, doing his own thing—the ultimate violation of autonomy.

Chuck's autonomy was violated when Sam, Dean, and Jack took away his powers. He was permanently injured, in fact.

Lucifer and Michael's autonomy was violated by sucking them into The Cage in season 5.

All of these things are technically violations of these characters autonomy. Yet their loss of autonomy doesn't imply injustice nor does it imply pure blameless victimhood, nor does it implicate Sam, Dean, Jack, Cas, or Bobby as villains.

Looking at another, very different set of examples,

It was a violation of Bobby's autonomy when Sam and Dean went into Bobby's head without permission in 3.10 to snap him out of a supernaturally-induced, eternal nightmare.

It was a violation of Dean's autonomy when Sam forcefully plucked one of Dean's hairs and refused to accept Dean's desire to go into his own dreams alone for his own privacy.

It was a violation of Dean's autonomy when Sam and Cas entered his head in season 14 and saw all of his trauma in the process.

It was a violation of Sam's autonomy when his soul was removed from The Cage and placed back inside his body.

None of these actions imply villainy. Sam and Dean's violation of Bobby's autonomy, for example, occurs in an effort to return Bobby's autonomy to him, in a situation where Bobby was physically incapable of advocating in his own interest (and the same for Dean with Michael!)

If I view Sam insisting on going into Dean's head in 3.10 in a vacuum, the conclusion I might come to is that Sam doesn't care about Dean's autonomy and feels entitled to violate Dean's privacy because he doesn't believe Dean deserves a right to the privacy of his own mind. Outside of that vacuum, I understand Sam's motivations are not to disrespect Dean's privacy or harm Dean, but are instead to assist Dean and help Dean defeat the person who does intend to harm Dean through the already present violation of Dean's autonomy.

In the situation with Sam's soul, Sam's essence (his soul) is very presently experiencing the repeated violation of his autonomy in The Cage, being tortured, and like Bobby was grateful to be helped out of the nightmare in 3.10, Sam, who was not able to advocate for himself from the perspective of his soul, was also grateful to have his soul returned to him so he could be saved from a nightmare where his soul was not capable of advocating for it's own interest—only his meatsuit for its interest.

What I'm saying is, the word "autonomy" is not the end all be all of everything, and saying something violated a character's autonomy does not automatically grant you The Most Morally Correct Award™️. This said completely separately from "who has their autonomy violated the most"—in fact, I'm not sure what the point of that contest is, beyond feeling it allows you to “win” something or your obsession with a certain aesthetic. While questions of free will and the right to your own choices are very important themes in Supernatural, I find some fans display a sort of desperation to greedily sweep everything under "autonomy" as an umbrella term because they erroneously believe it automatically grants them a Moral Superiority Award™️ and/or Most Victimized Blorbo Of All Time Award™️... and that is the beginning and end of their goal when talking about it, and it's why context is so often thrown aside while moral judgements are so abundant in that segment of spnblr.

[shshshshshowrunner]

Man, maybe not. Hero? you'd be surprised the feats they can accomplish with their lives on the line.

falling down a wikipedia hole trying to figure out what the fuck kind of animal i came from

[liamgallaghermpreg]

"i'm a multishipper as much as the next guy but this IS the sam and dean show, which late seasons have deeply forgotten" no but this is SO REAL because when the finale aired I saw some fans going "man, the finale really messed up the found family themes the show had all along by having Sam and Dean go to the same heaven" and it's like??? my fellow delusional fans what world do you live in because this show is NOT heavily centered around found family it has ALWAYS been centered around the brothers. The show literally killed off almost everyone that could've possibly been an ally or love interest to Sam and Dean, and the only reason why Cas and Jack weren't offed was because of fan demand or literal invincibility. You don't have to like wincest but you can't deny a core theme of the show that was reduced for later seasons only.

EXACTLY (also cas was offed lol) but like literally exactly. i love eileen and i really like sam/eileen, too!! but it feels very shoehorned in in the late game which is unfair to both characters, and then like – for example – this scene just now where chuck makes eileen knife sam's wound. it hurt to watch but it just. kind of had me wondering like. thematically, why are they doing this? this would make way more sense with dean.

it just feels kind of sloppily put together. not to mention jack taking up the main storylines of 13 and 14 (and i guess probably back half of 15 too, idk, i'm on 15x09). you can very much tell dabb doesn't like dean and doesn't care about sam and have been able to since season 4. this stuff is being carried by the acting chops of its characters because it's just........out of place writing?

this isn't a 'the rest of the characters aren't important' but this IS a 'the show is forgetting about its protagonists' lol. and so yeah, i agree, i think them going to the same heaven makes total sense. this show is not about found family lol. that's a thing that happens to an extent but. that is not the core theme.

"You don't have to like wincest but you can't deny a core theme of the show that was reduced for later seasons only." is exactly it

[blackholelynn]

His Salvation - Part Five

<- Read Part Four

Summary: You have left your old life behind and started over with Dean, but you soon realize that you know almost nothing about the hunter you now live with.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Nightmares, aftermath of grief/loss, description of suffocation, swearing - these warnings are for the series of parts as a whole, so while some of these warnings may not apply on this part, they will apply for future parts.

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: Hello!! It's been a while! I'm just going to plop this here and slink away because I have no excuses. This is literally done and has been for months, SO SORRY!!! Life just be like that sometimes, so I will see you all on the next update (whenever my dysfunctional brain allows me).

Series Tag List: @leigh70

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tag List: @siospins2

Supernatural Tag List: @hobby27

Also cross-posted on my AO3 account, you can read it here!

~~~

 "Damn it!" Dean cursed, swiping at the spell set up on the war room table. The components went clattering across the floor, scattering across the concrete. The older Winchester stepped away from the table and continued to seeth towards the wall, but the damage was already done.

Sam stooped his tall frame over to gather the debris, not surprised by the outcome. "We've tried every location spell we can think of, and she hasn't come up yet. Dean--"

"She's not dead." Dean's voice cracked as he tacked on, "She can't be."

"That wasn't what I was suggesting. Some of these spells locate a person even if they are dead, so that's not the issue here."

"Then what do you think it is?"

Sam sighed as he emptied his hands of the failed spell and sat down in one of the chairs while crossing his arms. "The only thing I can think of that would hide her this well is an angel brand."

"You're thinking Cas?" Dean's disbelief was unmistakable. Considering the last time he had seen you two together, you clearly had not gotten along, so it was a stretch to think that the two of you would be helping each other. “There’s no way. Those two were practically at each other’s throats when they met.”

“I’m not saying anything for sure, but if it’s not Cas, then another angel is helping her.”

The thought of another angel being around you shot Dean into action, and without another thought, he pulled out his phone and started dialing. Ignoring Sam’s querent expression, Dean listened to the dial tone with his breath caught in his throat. This was his last resort, the very last thing he could think of.

The voice on the other end of the phone had its usual exhausted quality. “What do you want?”

“Kevin, we need your help with something. I need you to figure out if there are any ways to get past angel branding.”

“Dean, I’m not your little bitch. I’m still in the middle of translating the Demon Tablet for the last trial, so–”

“I don’t care what the hell you’re doing. Whatever you’re doing, drop it. This is more important,” Dean snapped, immediately regretting the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

Before he could even voice an apology, Kevin retaliated, “Oh, more important than shutting the gates of hell forever? More important than me getting my life back? Please, enlighten me on what’s so important.”

His similar wording only brought the memory of your argument back again, worsening the guilt he was already feeling. “We need to find someone.”

“You better be looking for God if it’s that important.” After a silence, Kevin asked, “Is that who you’re looking for?”

Dean groaned and ran a hand down his face before slamming that hand on the table in a fist. “I don’t have time to debate this with you! I just need to know if there’s anything in the Demon Tablet that can get past the angel branding for a location spell!”

Sam rolled his eyes and stood up, wrenching the phone from his brother’s hand. Sam took the conversation to another room, and all Dean could hear was the hushed, apologetic tone his brother held as he continued talking to Kevin. This left Dean alone in the room to pace and feel like he was crawling out of his skin.

He never thought he would be comfortable bringing someone into his life, especially after what happened to Lisa and Ben, but you had broken down every wall he had thought he built up so well. Now that you were so close, it was hard for him to cope with you being apart.

Abruptly, Sam entered the room again and loudly set the phone on the table, giving Dean a chastising glare. “I smoothed things over.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean asked defensively.

“You were being a dick,” Sam responded simply. Before Dean could even formulate his retort, Sam laid down a notepad on the table with a loud slap. It has a list of ingredients scribbled hastily down the piece of paper. "But Kevin came through for us. You sure you want to do this?"

Dean snatched up the notebook, eagerly reading the list of ingredients despite his unfamiliarity with spells. "Of course. Do we have all this stuff?"

Sam nodded. "I just checked, and yep. Pantry's fully stocked."

"Then let's get this show on the road!"

Dean was out of his seat before the other Winchester could even process what was said, but Sam quickly trailed after him to the library. The two were silent with concentration as they gathered the spell's components. It required some particularly rare ingredients, but thankfully the Men of Letters were a group that was seldom caught unprepared; their stock of materials was extensive.

Dean stood pensively at the side of the room as he watched Sam stir together the ingredients above the map they had spread on the table. The mixture in the container was brown and had the consistency of sludge. After what seemed like forever, Sam stopped stirring the components and swiftly turned the container upside down above the paper map.

When the concoction plopped unceremoniously onto the paper with no reaction, Dean surged forward. "Is that it?"

"I…I don't know?" When Sam caught Dean's disapproving glare, he continued defensively. "Kevin just gave me the instructions! He didn't tell me how it would work!"

"Are you kidding me, Sammy? You didn't think to ask how we would know if it worked? So now we don't know if the spell was a bust because she's warded too much or because you mixed up a tablespoon with a teaspoon!"

"I didn't mess up the spell!"

"Considering it looks like a sewer vomited on our map, I'd say you messed up the spell."

"No, I followed Kevin's instructions to a T."

"We'll, thank God we called Kevin!" Dean sarcastically huffed, throwing his hands up and turning away. "How could we go without making whatever the hell that is?!"

"Dean?"

The older Winchester was nowhere near done with his tirade. "You know, we make sure that kid is safe and that Crowley's goons don't get to him, and what's our reward?"

"Dean."

"Oh, right. A pile of brown ooze when we asked for a location spell. Because why would we ever need an actual spell? Might as well just give us the recipe for fake dog shi–"

"Dean!" Sam interrupted, and when his brother turned around, Sam pointed at the map. The thick concoction had spread itself out on the map leaving only a tiny area completely untouched. "Looks like it worked."

For the first time in days, Dean grinned and clapped his hands together, calling out as he left the room, "Pack your bags, Sammy! And make sure to remind me to buy Kevin a steak dinner or something!"

Sam looked down at the pristine spot on the map, a current of unease washing through him. What happened that hid you from their other spells, and if you were that thorough, should they really still be looking? Before Sam could think about it anymore, he took a mental note of the location and crumpled up the map.

It swished into the garbage can as he passed, going to pack his bag as instructed so they could head back out onto the road.

Once again, you were sitting in a library in front of a computer for far too long. Because of Castiel's absolute inability to use a computer, that job fell to you while he combed the bookshelves. You could see him from where you sat, and he was sitting at one of the tables surrounded by stacks of books. His brow was knit in intense concentration.

Focus.

Your brain chastised you for the millionth time since you had begun your Google journey to get back on track. Your focus was nearly non-existent, quickly getting lost in your tumultuous thoughts. It was taking every excuse to avoid the task you needed to be doing.

You wrenched your eyes to the computer screen and continued scrolling through the search results. You were sure you'd know the ins and outs of how to best use a search engine by the time all was said and done. You barely got through another page of blue links before your mind wandered again.

This time it was as though your brain was torturing you as one wrong gust of AC caused the smell of Dean to be noticeable from the flannel you wore. It was only a moment, so short of a time that you weren't even sure if you really had smelled it or if you were just remembering, but the smell launched you into a memory.

Shortly after you had started living with the Winchesters in the bunker, you had decided to make dinner for them both as a surprise. It wasn't special, considering that they never kept any actual groceries in stock, but it was something. You vividly remembered how Dean looked at you like you were his whole world at that moment. It was exhilarating, wonderful, and…terrifying. That wasn't something you remembered feeling in the moment, but looking back, it scared you to be so important to someone so soon into the relationship.

"Hello?" Castiel's gruff voice snapped you back to reality, and you saw a weathered book open on your keyboard. When he saw how dazed you were, you could see a note of concern cross his face. "Are you alright?"

You nodded profusely, turning all of your attention to the book as a means of deflection. "Yeah, all good. What did you find?"

Castiel paused as he continued surveying you, not entirely convinced. However, you ignored the angel's worries and continued skimming over the book. It was open to a Nordic poem, and after reading a few lines, you caught a word you knew – draugr.

You grimaced in disgust. "Ew. Please tell me this isn't the monster we're dealing with."

"You've had previous encounters with them? I thought this was your first time hunting alone?"

"They're not obscure! They're in an Elder Scrolls game, so yeah, I know what they are." You closed the book and handed it back to Castiel before typing 'draugr' into the search bar. You pointed to one of the pictures that depicted the game model of a rotting corpse with glowing blue eyes. "That thing. They kind of suck to deal with at really low levels."

Castiel narrowed his eyes and peered closer at the screen before shaking his head. "I believe we're looking for something more closely resembling myth."

"Well, obviously. I wasn't suggesting this thing was strutting around town unnoticed." You thumbed at the picture on the monitor before switching to the web page results, scrolling through the different links. "It is definitely going to make finding info hard, though."

"In this passage I found, it describes the draugr taking the shape of a cat, and while the victim was sleeping, the cat sat on the man's chest and suffocated him. That would be consistent with the injuries we saw on the bodies."

His tone made you look around the library nervously, and when you were satisfied that you hadn't drawn suspicion, you chided Castiel, "You can't say things like that so loud. We're in public."

"Regardless, I think a machete is our best option."

"Okay, number one: what did I just say!" You shut off your computer and stood, leading the oblivious man away from people and out of the library. The fact that you hadn't checked out the book in his hand escaped you in your haste. "And number two: how is a machete going to help?"

Castiel shrugged you off him now that you were both on the sidewalk and opened the book back up, pointing to an excerpt of text. "It says here that the draugr was slain when a warrior cut off its head while it was preying on its victim. A machete is typically the best weapon for decapitation."

"Oh. Wonderful." Your sarcasm flew over Castiel's head, but you didn't linger on that sentiment long. "I guess that means we've gotta find ourselves a cat."

"Why?"

"You said it yourself, angel boy. It found all its victims by being a cat, so we shouldn't be any different. We find it, take it home, I go to sleep while you pretend to leave, and then you give it a particularly close haircut before it can off me." You were already striding down the sidewalk to your car, eager to go on the search for stray cats. "A perfect plan, really. I see no flaws."

"I see several," Castiel remarked as he followed after you.

"Well, I didn't ask, now did I?"

He got into the car after you with only a harumph, and you didn't speak for a while. The silence let you start to reminisce again, analyzing every moment in the bunker for the past few months. How many times did you ignore your brain screaming at you that everything was too soon? How many times had you looked past Dean's brooding? How often did you struggle to be alone because if you were alone, then you thought about Laurie and the nixie?

Your brain swam with different questions and reflections until Castiel asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," you quickly denied. Your eyes focused on the road ahead to avoid his blue ones staring intently at you.

"I can tell it's about something you regret. I know that look all too well." Castiel let a moment of silence pass before he spoke again to give you the chance to admit it. "You don't have to talk about it, but denying that you're caught up in your thoughts is pointless. I have had that same spiral down myself."

"I just don't know if you'd get it since you're an angel and all." You did not want to have a gossip session with an angel, much less an angel that you were pretty sure was Dean's best friend. That seemed like the worst option at that time.

You could see Castiel's head cock in confusion in your peripheral vision. "What would I not 'get'?"

"You know…" you trailed off, but he didn't know. You'd have to explain it. "Feelings. Romantic ones, specifically."

"Ah. Romance. I actually do know a thing or two about that. Nothing meaningful, but I've had my fair share of–"

You quickly cut him off from whatever escapades he was about to describe. "Okay, we are not close enough yet for you to be telling me about your heavenly one-night stands, but I appreciate the attempt at bonding."

"None of them were in Heaven."

"Great to know that you angels aren't boning up there, Cas, but it's not the point."

Suddenly, your angel companion grew silent, and you were unsure why the conversation had stopped so abruptly. Considering its direction, you were far from complaining, but Castiel's sudden silence created some concern. You were starting to put aside the bad first impression you had and were beginning to enjoy the company.

You spotted an alley teeming with cats and pulled over to investigate, but before either of you got out of the car, you asked, "Did I say something to upset you? I'm sorry if I did."

"No, you said nothing wrong," Castiel replied, though he looked as though he was only half there with you in the car. The dazed look in his eye signaled that his thoughts were somewhere else.

"I guess you do know that look. You have it right now." You shut off the ignition and turned in your seat to face him. Castiel met your inquisitive gaze, and you parroted, "You don't have to talk about it, but denying that you're caught up in your thoughts is pointless."

One corner of his mouth quirked up as you repeated his words, and he chuckled a bit. "We have more in common than I thought we had upon meeting."

"Yeah, I'm starting to get that too. We both have the 'I don't know what the hell I'm doing' vibe."

"Vibe? As in vibration?"

"Well, no…not exactly?" You cut off your explanation, realizing that you had to stay on track. "The point is that we can help each other. You've already helped me a little bit with figuring my mess out. Let me help you."

Castiel hesitated but nodded. "That logic does make sense, but we should continue while searching for the draugr. We don't have much time to waste."

"I like the way you think! Multi-tasking is a crucial skill." You opened the car door, quickly surveying the alley in front of you. Some of its feline inhabitants skittered away with the approach of your car, but most of them still resided in the alley.

One cat, in particular, caught your eye because he was so fat and fluffy, and although you were pretty sure he wasn't the cat you were looking for, you wanted to try and approach him anyway. Your conversation with Castiel was quickly forgotten as you inched closer and closer to the cat, making sure your steps were light, and your form was hunched.

You were just a hair's breadth away from touching the cat's silky fur when Castiel said, "I don't think that's the cat we're looking for."

The cat scurried away at the sound of Castiel's voice, leaving you standing with your hand outstretched, and you quietly sighed, "No. No, it wasn't, but it would've been nice to pet."

"I see…" Castiel stiffly followed you into the alley. He looked so out of place among the garbage cans, litter, and stray cats, and it was clear he was pensive. You had assumed it was about your surroundings until he said, "It had caught me off guard when you called me Cas."

You didn't look away from the next cat you were slowly stalking towards, but you still held an apologetic expression on your face. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would upset you."

"I'm not upset," he quickly clarified. He awkwardly mimicked your posture to a nearby cat which quickly became frightened and scurried off as well. "I just had not expected you to call me that. Sam and Dean are the only ones who do so frequently."

"Do you miss them? It doesn't seem like you're around the bunker much, but the way you've talked, you were all really close."

"I would say…" The angel seemed to analyze his own feelings at that time like he had never thought about it before. "Yes. I do miss them. Although, ultimately, it has been my decisions that have made our time together few and far between."

You hummed in understanding, identifying heavily with his sentiment. "You ever think about going back to the bunker and staying there with Sam and Dean?"

"Not–" Castiel's sentence was abruptly cut off as he held his breath, finally getting close enough to pet one of the cats. His mouth pressed into a concentrated line before he sighed and stood, allowing the feline to skitter away – not the draugr. He continued, "Not very often anymore. I don't think it's the right place for me."

"How do we find the right place?"

"I don't know."

Your conversation petered until you saw a particularly malnourished cat sitting away from the rest, carefully cleaning its mangy fur. It showed no hesitation or fear as you approached, and once your hand made contact with it, you knew it was the draugr you were looking for.

You picked up the cat and carried it back towards the car, saying to Castiel as you passed, "We got 'em. Now time for the plan."

Castiel followed you wordlessly back to the car, and although you had just been in a disgusting alley trolling around garbage for feral cats, he had actually had fun. So had you. For the first time in months, you started feeling like you had a handle on your life again.

[destielshippingnews]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 2x15 Tall Tales, Part 1

Spoilers up to 5x08 Changing Channels

This is Supernatural’s second attempt at a ‘comedic’ episode, with 1x17 Hell House being the first. However, given the fact it is a fan favourite and one which many will tell you is hilarious, it may surprise you to learn that it only tickled my funny-bone once or twice. In stark contrast to its intention as amusing, I once again came away from this episode unsettled by the fact that sexual assault of men and boys can be played for laughs so blatantly. I will leave discussion of that for part 2 of this analysis because it will get heavy and unpleasant. Expect discussion of male victims of rape and sexual violence in the context of Supernatural, The Boys, other television shows, and in real life. I will keep the age rating at 15.

First things first: this is once again an episode where a lot is told in retrospect, but unlike 1x06 Skin and 2x12 Nightshifter this does more than tease the viewer with an event in the cold open then wind back the clock 24 hours. Rather this episode lives up to its apt title Tall Tales by having Dean and Sam relate much of the events to Bobby, but their versions of events differ and feature much exaggeration to the point where the viewer is left uncertain exactly what to believe. Men are dying or being repeatedly raped in scenarios taken straight from urban legends: sewergators, alien abduction, and haunted university buildings. The culprit behind this is a figure named The Trickster, who will later be revealed as Archangel Gabriel and Loki’s doppelgänger.

Regarding the overall plot of the show, 2x15 Tall Tales does not do much except introduce Gabriel, though it will be a further 60-something episodes until the viewer learns who ‘The Trickster’ really is. In fact, it has been a fair while since the show had a plot-centric episode and any steam built up has long since dissipated. 22 episodes per year seems long nowadays with the popularity of Game of Thrones and even The Walking Dead, which pack more plot and story into 10-16 episodes than Supernatural does into 22 (except the lamentable mess that is The Walking Dead series 2). The downside of its length, therefore, is the diluted, thinly-spread nature of its storytelling. A fair amount was packed into Supernatural 2x01-2x10, but most of that was related to developing character motivations and themes and included a lot of monster-of-the-week episodes. Of course it is fun to see the characters doing side-quests but I need more story to keep the momentum going. Azazel has plans, but he is taking his sweet time bringing them to fruition and in the meanwhile the brothers are not doing anything to try to discover or foil his plots.

Compare this, if you will, to the conflict between the Scooby Gang and Angel, Spike and Drusilla in Buffy series 2, where the build-up and conflict take centre stage for a lot of the 22 episodes. The conflict even takes the lives of very important characters when least expected, so the threat is always present and threatening. In Supernatural, by contrast, I do not really care about whatever is happening to Sam or what Azazel is plotting because it plays little role. I care that Dean is so broken up with grief and the fear of having to kill his brother, but if this were a novel I would be getting frustrated, and I read ALL of Wise Man’s Fear.

This episode continues Supernatural’s love affair with Neil Gaiman which started in 1x11 Scarecrow. Some people love this but Neverwhere bored me and I could not get past page 200 of American Gods. Coraline, Stardust, and The Graveyard Book pleased me but his stories involving ‘gods’ feel anhedonic and banal to me. I get that some people enjoyed having gods be part of a story with mortals in this manner, but I have little interest in a Norse deity (and it is frequently a Norse deity because they are in vogue) reduced to a man in a suit on an aeroplane, or a figure with the oh-so-clever name of Low Key Lyesmith.

A character who is a deity should act like a deity, not your average Tom, Dick or Harry. If the writer puts no effort into making the characters godlike, the divinity essentially stops being a divinity and becomes any other character. They become banal and dull, with their divinity reduced to a gimmick.

Having said that, it can be done exceedingly well. It is likely not to everybody’s taste, but Joanne M. Harris won a place on my list of favourite authors with her books The Gospel of Loki, Runemarks, Runelights, and The Testament of Loki. Her versions of the Norse gods are very true to the Eddic sources, but with her own spin and flair added for good measure. And it is a VERY good measure; her Norse gods rub shoulders with mortals, but they are not shopworn characters who are gods in name only. Whereas American Gods and Supernatural tear their deities from their mythological context and thereby remove the flavour and character (is Odin still Odin with no Valhalla, Fenrir, or Einherjar?), The Gospel of Loki etc mostly preserve the mythological context and have gods as characters who actually are gods.

Buffy and Angel toyed with gods as characters as well, but whether these gods were actual deities or simply apex demons so powerful and influential their minions believed them to be gods is left unclear. The Celtic mother goddess Danu brought water to the world, and Ogmios the psychopomp escorts the dead to the Otherworld. Lugus is god of the sun and creator of all arts, but whether Glory and Illyria in Buffy and Angelhad either any hand in creating their respective worlds or were close kin of creatures who did is never specified. For that reason, Illyria and Glory work for me where American Gods and Supernatural’s deities do not.

Because actual ‘gods’ being portrayed as only slightly more supernatural than the average monster is not to my tastes, I did not like this episode as much as the general fan base appears to.

Episode 2x15 Tall Tales starts with Dean being a complete douche and irritating the hell out of Sam by listening to music on the radio and eating chicken noisily on the hotel bed. Sam is trying to do research with paper and books because somebody Sam assumes was Dean stole his laptop. Sam’s justification for assuming his brother was to blame was that Dean was supposedly the only other person with access to the room: the door was locked and the hotel does not have chamber maids, supposedly. One has to stop and wonder whether Sam has actually learnt anything at all over the last 37 episodes because any kind of monster or ghost could have crept into their room through an air vent or a window, as could any of the seedy people staying in the seedy hotel have picked their lock and sneaked into their room.

In Sam’s defence (what’s that, me calling Dean a douche and defending Sam?) they have pulled silly pranks on each other in the past, but why would Dean have hidden a vital tool like the laptop? Knowing Sam as I do, it looked very much like wanting a reason to metaphorically kick Dean and seizing the opportunity to do so. His later statement that ‘...I’ve put up with a lot from you, Dean’ gasted my flabbers: I can see that Sam believes that and he clearly has a lot of resentment, anger, and other whiny, self-centred complaints festering, but do let us remember that Dean’s fiendish japes and comments about Sam’s girly hair do not in any way compare to e.g. Sam threatening and almost getting Dean killed in 2x10 Hunted, for example. He really has no right to bitching about ‘putting up with a lot’, so go on Dean: keep being a douche. Sam deserves nothing less than your douchebaggery.

Bobby soon turns up at the door, at once both welcome and unwelcome. As I said when he was introduced in 1x22 Devil’s Trap, I have much more time for him than I do John and I can tell he actually cares for Dean and Sam (if I remember, he even called Dean his favourite at some point), but his crochety attitude grates against me. For one thing, I do not appreciate the 27 and 23 year old protagonists of my story being treated like little boys by a character who has only just been introduced (looking at you, mega-bish Missouri), and for another it gets old fast. On my first watch of this show, I cared little for him and I still do not especially care.

On the other hand, Dean and Sam need more than just Dean and Sam. I love Dean to bits and I would watch Dean eating a sandwich for 40 minutes every week, but I hate their co-dependant abused / narcissistic abuser dynamic with a passion. Judging by the huge drop off in viewership in series 7 when Sera Gamble tried to kill Castiel off, so did a huge part of the audience. Some friends who are just now watching the show for the first time: they have just reached 2x05 Simon Said and have noted that because there is just Dean and Sam, there is little for the writers to do in order to introduce conflict than have Dean and Sam argue. Often there is no apparent need for them to argue and it gets tedious. The show needs more, but even with the eventual introduction of Castiel the show still had to be about the brothers, no matter how much Sam hates Dean or how suffocated Dean is.

Back to Bobby, he sits and listens to Dean and Sam tell their stories, their versions differing in small details usually with the intent of mocking the other. I believe this is the aspect of the episode which people find funny, because men in their mid twenties acting like preteens is amusing or something. Maybe if I were watching this once a week as a casual viewer and not really paying attention it would amuse me more, but the fact the episode uses sexual assault against a man for laughs puts a dampener on the whole experience. If that makes me a buzzkill, then I suppose your buzz deserves to be killed. Whatever the case, Bobby soon works out that a Trickster is behind everything.

You might remember long long ago in the first paragraph that I mentioned the episode tickling my funny-bone once or twice: both occasions were very early on. The first occasion was when Dean’s date said that looking at him was like staring into the sun, and the second came right on the heels of that moment as Sam interrupted him. Dean’s version of Sam is not too much of an exaggeration which is what made it so funny. Jared chose to do the prissy, sissy fag act with effete body language and pursed lips which is not how I see Sam, but other than that his nagging and blah blah blah were pretty accurate to how much of Sam’s whining and bitching sound to me. Sam objected to Dean’s portrayal of him by saying ‘I don’t sound like that, Dean!’ to which Dean replied ‘That’s what you sound like to me” and I must wholeheartedly concur.

Whilst on that subject, this episodes shows and suggests some serious character issues with Sam. On the one hand, he is very concerned with using the proper politically-correct language such as when he corrected Dean for saying ‘Siamese twins’ instead of ‘conjoined twins’, yet he smirked and hid his face from Curtis after finding out Curtis was ‘anal probed’ by aliens. Sam has the proper vocabulary, but like his real life counterpart Eric Kripke (whose writing in e.g The Boys is far less ‘progressive’ than his use of terms like ‘toxic masculinity’ might suggest), Sam is not the ‘sensitive, intelligent’ brother people think he is. More on that in the later discussion, as well as Dean’s reaction.

Further to the point of the brothers’ stories, the young woman whom Dean was drinking with and presumably canvassing for information on the dead professor is very different in both versions. The ‘Starla’ of Dean’s version is a PhD student in folklore and mythology, well-dressed, well-kept, and classy. Dean clearly exaggerated a lot with how into him she was, and his own behaviour in that version induced much cringe, but other than that she was believable. Sam’s ‘Starla’ was much more negative, at least from the perspective of somebody like Sam: much more ‘low rent’ than Dean’s version. Sam seems very quick to perceive Starla as a loose drunk and Dean as a horny slut for being interested in a woman like her… or perhaps the other way around: his estimation of her plummets when he sees she is sexually interested in Dean whom Sam regards as a slut. Yikes. Either way, Sam seems to have an issue with women who enjoy sex.

What the truth is is likely somewhere between, but based on the kind of woman Dean has been seen to pick up and hit on (e.g. the jeweller in 2x12 Nightshifter), I would guess he only exaggerated on his cringy James Bond-smoothness and her staring into the sun line.

The sibling squabbles between Sam and Dean in this episode were also a source of mirth. It was quite droll to see the brothers through each other’s eyes; Dean as the slutty womaniser with no taste and Sam as an uptight ponce who treats Dean like an irritating embarrassment. Both are exaggerations fuelled by irritation, but it’s still an interesting insight into how they see each other.

Not that anybody paying attention needs to be told how they see each other, but the idiots in the cheap seats at the back might not have heard everything. It probably says a lot about how similar Dean’s and my perspectives are that he and I view Sam in pretty much exactly the same way.

Moving swiftly onwards, discussing women who enjoy sex brings the discussion around to the professor in the cold open who the viewer is led to believe engaged in lots of coitus with students. The situation of professor and student inherently implies a power imbalance, though it is never specified whether or not the students he made the beast with two backs with were his students or not. We can assume that a large number likely were since Gabriel saw fit to punish him, but the woman in the cold open appeared to be in her mid twenties and actively pursued the sexual encounter with the professor. Is that how they all happened? I have heard stories of professors being harassed and pursued by students like that, so I wonder, but for the sake of this analysis let us assume that what the show tells and implies is indeed how things happened: the professor abused his position of power in order to procure sex with students in his charge.

The professor is presumably pushed out of his window and slams into the concrete. Note that the professor did not scream as he fell, implying he was already dead before his defenestration. This happened just as janitor!Gabriel was leaving the building for the night, but for some reason Dean and Sam do not think to be suspicious of him when they question him early in the episode. He was the only one there and he found the professor, so he would have likely been one of the police’s suspects at least.

The next two incidents are a professor involved in animal testing getting eaten by a sewer alligator, and a pledge master getting ‘hazed’. Dean is the one to work out that all the men involved were linked by being ‘dicks’ and that what happened to them was ‘poetic justice’. Skipping past the implication that rape is an appropriate punishment which one can ‘deserve’ (Shiban, Kripke, and Gamble: sit on broken glass), it is not long later that Bobby gives them the final push they need to conclude the janitor is a Trickster and the one responsible for everything.

Calling Loki a trickster is not all that accurate however, as Loki is more a liar and agent of Chaos than he is a trickster. He crosses boundaries of sex, sexuality, and gender, is both of the Æsir and of their enemies the Jötunns (anti-gods), and is the sworn enemy of Heimdallr who is an agent of order and guards the borders. I praised Joanne M. Harris’ Loki earlier, but the one thing which grated on me was that her version of Loki just accepted that male-bodied gods were not supposed to engage in intimate relations with other male-bodied beings. Melvin Burgess’s Loki did not have any such inhibitions, but rather enjoyed physical and emotional intimacy with men as much as with women. ...And animals, because how is a human or god any different to a horse for the embodiment of chaos?

Moving on, the episode culminates in Gabriel attempting to win Dean’s favour in a lecture hall (note that Gabriel is All About Dean in this episode) by offering him sex with the two women he conjoured in return for Dean letting Gabriel get away. Contrary to popular belief, Dean does not think with his penis and refuses Gabriel’s offer. Dean cannot let Gabriel go, and as Dean says this Sam and Bobby appear. A fight ensues in which Dean in particular suffers some serious whumpage (inflicted mostly by the scantily-clad Bond women, implying I am supposed to laugh).

Dean manages to eventually stake Gabriel and kill him, whereupon he and the others book it before somebody finds Gabriel’s body. Sam almost apologises to Dean before getting into the car (inappropriate timing, Sam, but points for trying), and then Bobby annoys me a bit with more of his unearnt crochitiness. Right at the end it is revealed that Gabriel is still alive and that the one Dean thought he killed was only an illusion.

I have never been a big fan of Gabriel in this show. His next episode is another fan favourite which is supposedly hilarious, but he kept Sam in an endless Groundhog Day where he had to watch Dean dying over and over again. I understand that a show like Supernatural has to replace blood and guts with exaggerated ridiculousness, wherefore Dean’s endless deaths, but for some reason I am not able to laugh. This might be one of those normal people things which I am too neurodivergent to understand. Is this one of those déjá thingies?

Anyway, Gabriel locks Sam into watching his brother die to teach him a lesson, and depending on how we understand the mechanics of Gabriel’s ’magic’, kills Dean over and over again. The first death does not amuse me and not just because I do not like seeing Dean die: I actually watched an 11 year old boy get run over after school one day in 2004. Something went right under the wheels and luckily I cannot remember whether it was him or just his schoolbag. Either way, I do clearly remember noticing the seat of his trousers had ripped and my 13 year old brain latched onto that because it was easier to deal with than the fact an 11 year old boy was dying at my feet. His funeral was thrown open to the whole school, and some people went just to have a day off school. This song was played at his funeral and I remember it every time I hear this song:

So no, not a single one of Dean’s deaths in that episode amuse me, and no I do not give a fig about killing your buzz. I also do not like Gabriel much, but I like him as an antagonist and loose cannon. Far more enjoyable than bloody Lucifer.

That almost does it for part one. Generally speaking a good episode, though it would not rank anywhere near my list of favourites. One issue I have is that The Show does not allow Sam to be made fun of in anything like the way Dean is. As Paula R. Stiles noted, Dean is ridiculed and exaggerated a lot in this episode, but other than two incidents he is just regular Sam. I have heard tell of Jared’s complaints and insistence that his character not be made fun of, and I believe it might well have been around this time in the show that he – if I have heard correctly – got angry about where Sam’s story was taking him, and tried to start a fight with Jensen on set. Whether or not this is true, I cannot say for sure (though both Jensen and Jared have referred to an incident when Jared stormed off set to sit alone in his trailer and Jensen shortly joined him and talked to him), but whatever the case may be, a noticeable disparity is evident.

Whilst on the subject of disparities, the ‘dicks’ are almost all men in this show, infrequently women. Paula R. Stiles raised the point in her discussion of Jo in 2x06 No Exit that women do not like being portrayed as the dumbass, cocky tomboy any more than men like being portrayed as useless, lazy, stupid slobs. The former is bad representation and so is the latter, but the difference is that the former is met with resistance in modern popular culture whereas the latter is actively encouraged and criticism of it is met with distinctly anti-male scorn. In a show where almost all on-screen, violent, bloody deaths are men who die as horror-fodder while women are usually killed off-screen or saved at the last minute, here is an episode where all the ‘dicks’ are men and sexual assault against men is played for laughs. Usually when I point this out it falls on deaf ears, but if I can point out some of the writers’ homophobia, the incredibly high death rate of black men, the missed opportunities for Native American inclusion and representation, and the bad writing of female characters like Jo, why do people seem so unwilling to listen when I point this out? Why do they insist I am wrong, and why do they so quickly change the subject to women talking in board rooms? I have a very good idea why this is the case, as I will discuss in the section about male victims of sexual violence.

One final point before closing part one: some have taken issue with the presence of Busty Asian Beauties. The thinking is that Asian women (here in the US meaning of East and Southeastern Asian, excluding the Indian subcontinent and Western Asia) are almost not represented at all in the show, with Mrs Tran and Dagon being the only two notable examples. It does not look good for them to be mostly represented in the form of a porn site and magazine.

Having grown up on the other side of the Atlantic from the American context, I never understood Busty Asian Beauties as anything more than a joke about how randomly specific it was, similar to Jack’s one-legged Parisian prostitute in Titanic.

Perhaps the experience is different for North Americans, but any ‘racist’ connotations were completely lost on me. Some have even gone a little further and said that Dean himself is racist for ‘fetishising’ Asian women and being interested in Asian women specifically. To be quite honest that sounds like a load of American bullcrap. Other than it being an exaggeration of Dean’s interest for online rage fuel, I wonder whether my enjoyment of Ripped Nordic Blonds or Girthy Celtic Hotties would also be considered a racist fetishisation. The issue as I see it is the poor representation, not Dean’s interest.

Note once again that it Dean who is both given a bit more depth with stuff like this, and the one who is the butt of the joke. Never Sam.

Thus concludeth part one. Part two will follow later this week.

[shallowseeker]

Okay, so this turns out to be very important, too, because it's WHAT Dean later says in UNITY. Michael's nihilism is a future window into the fall of Dean. Dean is not as willing to sacrifice family as Sam and Cas have historically been, and he's, in his own words "smelling Chuck's blood in the water." Dean has never really gone full-in on revenge as a concept, but this thing with killing Mary and Jack? That broke him. He's doing like AU Michael here, SUNDERING Jack from the concept or family. Otherwise, he can't go through with it. Jack becomes like Dean, a soldier-like extension OF Dean, perhaps, the same way Dean became a soldier-like extension of John:

DEAN: It doesn't matter how we feel! You know what? Stay. Stay. But somebody's gotta be the grownup here. SAM: Yeah, well, someone has to keep fighting for Jack. DEAN: He knows what he signed up for! SAM: Last I checked, we don't give up on family. DEAN: Jack's not family. I know how you feel about the kid, okay. I care for him, too. I do. But he's not like you. He's not like Cas. He's just not. [in a horrific display of bad timing, Jack returns to hear him] JACK: I'm... I'm ready. DEAN: Well, then, let's hit the road.

And here's the thing:

DEAN: Listen, Jack, I don't know what you heard back there, but... JACK: You don't have to say anything. And... you don't need to be sorry. I'm not like Sam or Cas. I... I understand. [Dean doesn't have a reply, other than mild horror, and they resume their awkward silence. Hours later (after sunrise), they pull up in front of Jim's Gems, a jewelry shop in Santa Fe. They get out of the car and walk toward the door.]

You have to rely on a lot of historical knowledge about Dean as a person to resolve this, to realize this is Dean at his worst, his most fallen. He never even really apologizes. Instead, he says what he would've hoped to hear from John all his life: appreciation. This is also something Cas voices wanting to hear a lot, too. (We think back to the words about Benjamin: "See, he's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too.")

DEAN: Hold up. Just... What I said to Sam, you didn't need to hear that. Alright? Not now. Not with the weight that you're carrying— for us, for this world. Jack... I don't know how to explain it, but what I found out about Chuck... it's like—it's like I wasn't alive. Not really. You know, like, my whole life I've never been free. But like, really free. But now... now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs. And that's— that's because of you. So, I— I— I wanted to say... I need to say... Thank you, Jack. Thank you. JACK: You're welcome.

Soldier-son. War-son. These are the failures of solder-fathers: Chuck putting the Mark on Lucifer, of Cas putting the weight of "being good for the world / bringing the world to its feet" and of John Winchester. It's so deliciously complicated and tragic.

Dean's fuzzy dissociation in 14x07 "Unhuman Nature" script

If Dean hated Jack, it would ALL be easier

But it's...fuzzy at the edges, a little warped.

NOTE: Dean's actor tries to move his eyes rapidly back-and-forth when he acts this, like a stress-triggered nystagmus. It's very reminiscent of Cas's second death, with Lucifer. I think it's a body language that has been been a part of Dean's character for a long time.

///

Dean...tries to process.

NOTE: Dean has really been turning up the volume on performing!Dean as he tries to charm his way through the grief and put on a brave face to come to grips with what's happening to Jack.

14x07

///

This should inform how we view Michael's obvious lies in 14x10: Nihilism. There is a tendency to immediately recognize that Michael is lying about Sam being a buden, he is lying about Cas being an obligation, and when it comes to Jack...I'm just saying he's also lying here:

This is ALSO an uncomfortable call-forward to just how much AU!Michael's ambivalence and nihilism has damaged Dean in season 15; he shuts all his emotions down and tries to be like AU!Michael. AU!Michael is, as Nick says in 14x17:

And again, we should be informed by Dark Kaia's take in 14x03: Michael, he hurt you.

///

When Jack's going to die again, that hurts, anger about Mary notwithstanding.

Dean cuts that part away and tries to become the Michael sentiment. For a very long time, Dean has wished to be, perfect, angel-like: "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

It's also Jack's worst fear come to life; and it's no coincidence that Dean uses Michael's words as weapons: "Not like Cas. Not like Sam. Not family. (Just a burden.)"

[niche-pastiche]

The SPN gun meta post no one asked for

One fun tidbit from SPN is that everybody has symbolic guns except Cas. Who doesn't use guns. (Except for once, but we're getting to that.)

So, right. Starting in season 1, we see that Dean props the truck of Baby open with a shotgun. The contents are the messiest in the first season. 

(I’ve gone ahead and put the rest under the cut because this post gets kinda long. Seriously, I’m pretty sure guns are this show’s love language y’all.)

The gun he uses to prop open the trunk to be able to sort through his baggage is the sawed off Ithaca 37 shotgun that Sam eventually develops a preference for.

(Okay, so quick side note. After season 2 they got a different armorer and that's when the consistent purposeful gun symbolism starts to really take shape. Season 1, they're just kind of stumbling into it by sheer luck.) The Ithaca is Sam in the visual language of the show.

The two shotguns we see the boys welding the first few seasons are Sam's Ithaca, and the side by side sawed off. 

The side by side sawed off is something all of them use (until Dean gets his own unique shotgun) but it's something that the show uses to symbolize family, safety, home, and Bobby Singer.

Right so lets dig into this some more. We'll start with Bobby Singer.

The shotgun he is most closely associated with a sawed off double barrel shotgun. Which is interesting because that's usually a redneck-villain/cold baddass gun. It’s the gun you'd give to the scary redneck character. Or like... Generic Action Hero McStubble face. BUT that's just because it's sawed off. The sawed off part is what adds the hollywood action movie layers. And season 1 was very much only drawing from movie short hand. But later seasons build on it. 

Because regular shotguns are for stuff like hunting and home defense.

Providing and protecting.

And this gun comes to have that connotation too within the visual language of this show. It’s used by the boys a lot too. This is a little family-unit symbol of a gun. It's also The only gun we ever see Cas use in the show. It happens only once. And it's one Bobby gives to him.

EXT. BOBBY'S YARD BOBBY: What's your problem? CASTIEL: This is what they mean by "the 11th hour," right? BOBBY: Pretty much. CASTIEL: Well, it's the 11th hour, and I am useless. All I have is this. ( Castiel waves a shotgun What am I even supposed to do with it? BOBBY: Point it and shoot. CASTIEL: What I used to be -- BOBBY: Are you really gonna bitch --to me? Quit pining for the varsity years...And load the damn truck.

And later, Cas shoots this symbolic gun, rescuing Sam while fighting alongside Bobby. And Cas is like "Family. A father figure that cares. Interesting."

Okay, what Cas really said was "Actually, these things can be useful." but the symbolism is there.

It's important to remember that Kripke describes this show as a Midwestern. So it uses the visual language of westerns.

And it has gun culture running through its blood.

Guns are shown as noble here. There was one episode with a clear anti gun message in it, but it used a knife as a stand in for Jack playing with a gun and getting a friend shot. 

Knives carry all the symbolism that an anti-gun piece of media would give to guns in this show. Which is REALLY interesting because guns are given all the nobility a fantasy nerd would expect from swords.

And that is very much how folks like the Winchesters would think of their guns. Like swords, passed down from generation to generation.

Anyway. I got off track.

So Bobby's shotgun is a classic sawed off. But his signature sidearm is a Colt Single Action Army, which tells us a lot about Bobby.

That is THE Colt Peacemaker.

You have to pull back the hammer manually each time you want to fire it. (Which is why people in westerns do that funny thing with two hands to "fan the hammer" to fire in quick succession in like... a saloon shootout)

Bobby's old fashioned. He's classic. He's got an old fashioned gun which has... IDK how to explain this but it's a gun that has soul to it. (I'll come back to this)

it's unadorned but it's still got soul and character and you adjust the sights by filing down the hammer and like... It's everything Bobby Singer in gun form.

Since we're talking about revolvers, lets talk about “The Colt” for a second. (A Colt Paterson 1836.)

Actually, let's talk about the Winchester Family Tree first. It goes Henry Winchester>John Winchester> Dean (& Sam but Dean's the first born and thus inherits the guns and the car.)

John's got a BUNCH of war vet and/or POW symbolism, Vietnam specifically but also just in general. (and some of it's just plain text)

His symbolic gun is The Colt. (Though Dean's 1911 started out as his too in the same way Baby did. But that was season one before they really ironed this stuff out and it’s just in one flashback so feel free to ignore that if you want.)

The Colt is a war trophy of sorts, having been taken from a vampire nest. Which instantly catapults in to Significant Family Heirloom status. And it’s also the property of John’s deceased mentor, Danny Elkins. Which would honestly be enough to give it that status on it’s own.

And it's meant to kill Azazel and then John's ghost comes back from hell and helps Dean use it to kill Azazel.

It's also a colt single action.

I mention Henry Winchester because the granddaddy of modern repeating arms was the Henry repeating rifle which was later succeeded by the Winchester carbine.

"Nicknamed the "Yellow Boy" for the characteristic hue of the receiver, the Winchester Model 1866 was an improved version of the Henry 1860, "

Somebody in season 1 (before the armorer from season 2 onwards was the LEAD armorer) realized they forgot to give him a winchester and threw it in last second even though there's no space for it.

That's John's trunk.

Everybody's got guns with soul. Everybody. Even Sam’s Taurus PT92AFS, (which is basically just a little off brand Beretta) gets nickel plating and pearl grips. I like to think Dean did it as a gift. Because it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing Sam would do.

Anyway, The Colt. Significant Family Heirloom Gun. Obviously goes to either the spouse or if the spouse is dead, the first born son. Right? 

Guns are basically swords. Like Aragorn gets the sword of Isuldur, Dean should get the colt. If he were a young child, it'd go to his guardian to keep for him until he was old enough but Dean's old enough for guns.

But... It goes to Bobby instead. Who cares for it. And maintains it. Even though it's dead as far as the magic goes and "only good for seeing what made it tick" at this point.

This kind of thing is an important mourning ritual, y’all. And there’s no reason for Dean not to be the one doing it.

Here’s Bobby test firing it.

And here he is adjusting the sights.

And like... I legit have thousands of words written about the potential love story hidden in the subtext there. Single action’s aren’t a practical gun y’all. They’re sentimental and old fashioned. There’s love in this.

But I've gotten off track again.

The point here is that good guy’s guns have soul in this show.

But some guns don't.

In order to have a soul it needs artistry and craftsmanship. It needs to be at least a little old fashioned or decorative or just classy.

Gordon's guns are soulless.

Heckler and Koch. Mass produced and unfeeling.

Heckler and Koch. Modern. Cold. Not tied to any kind of American gun mythos.

Gordon is not about art. He's not about family. And neither are his guns. It's about killing. Brutal, ruthless, and wrong. There is nothing noble here.

I'll come back to this.

Okay so Sam has his nickel plated pearl grip offbrand Beretta. It's important to note that the Beretta is a pretty standard police side arm. So it gives Sam like... a noble sheriff vibe but modern. Jody Mills carries a Beretta. 

(I get that the idea of a sheriff who keeps the law in a lawless town is problematic but the show is using the language of westerns and thus I have to use it to explain what's going on. I'm not saying I like the trope.)

Anyway, this cheeper off brand cop gun has been given soul (despite not being the more expensive brand name option) by being customized to match Deans. It's had love put into it.

Both boys start out the series using the same shotgun as Bobby but eventually gravitate towards shotguns that become uniquely theirs.

Dean's is a beautiful sawed off Winchester Model 1887 which Jo hands him when she dies in the hardware store.  

From pretty much that moment on, that's Dean's shotgun.

And shotguns in this show are consistently for protecting family.

They use them to fight ghosts in haunted houses for goodness sakes. There's just a wealth of metaphor to it.

And they've also got their whole "rock salt" whatever going on so they're effectively the gentlest option too. (Please don’t try that at home. No clue what would happen but assume the worst.)

Sam's shotgun is the Ithica that Dean uses to prop open the trunk. To help him sort through all the baggage he’s carrying around in there.

The SEASON that convinced me I'd found something here and wasn’t just imagining things was Season 6.

Souless Sam uses almost exclusively Heckler and Koch.

Endverse!Dean used almost exclusively Heckler and Koch stuff too.

Pretty much everybody in the Croatoan future used heavily military, mass produced, black, large, high capacity, high rate of fire stuff you might expect evil gangster villains to use.

Soulless. All death and violence. Just like Sam in Season 6. And at no point while soulless does Sam use his nickle plated gun. Instead, he uses this monstrosity.

A Heckler & Koch Mark 23. And the camera lingers on it. We’re meant to notice something’s wrong.

When he's fighting himself in his head in "The Man Who Knew Too Much". Souless Sam is still using the soulless guns. And our sam is using his nickel plated gun. (And the Sam that contains his memories of being tortured in hell uses a knife.)

Souless/evil Sam uses a Heckler & Koch Mk 23 whilst pursuing "good" Sam in "The Man Who Knew Too Much" (S06E22).

Good Sam IMMEDIATELY switches back to using his Taurus PT92AFS with pearl grips after he gets his soul back and continues to use it while fighting his Evil/Soulless self in in The Man Who Knew to Much.

And guess what Sam uses to prop open the trunk in The Man Who Knew Too Much? An episode where Sam is literally woking through his trauma and baggage? His big brother Dean's Winchester Model 1887.

Just like Dean uses Sam's Ithaca.

And in the one episode where Ben has to fight? What does Dean hand his own kid to defend himself while they get Lisa to safety?

If you guessed his Winchester Model 1887, you guessed right.

There’s still so much else I didn’t cover, but I’m gonna end it here because it’s already way too long. Hopefully someone finds it interesting.

[autisticandroids]

your endverse cas post… your courage. when i got on spn tumblr and endverse cas was everyone’s favorite scruffy guy i was like Shocked cuz i haven’t read DTA and i Only knew him as sexually exploitative guru cas. i was like hello

(re: this post, and the other one i saw that inspired me to re-reblog it)

so i actually don't think this can be laid at seperis' door. it was just the same in 2013. if anything, dta is actually better about this than most endverse cas fics because dta cas manages to at least be very weird. like he's not fanon endverse cas, and he's also actually deviated so far from the canon that i would say it's reasonable to think of him as more... inspired by endverse cas (and canon cas as well) than actually slotting into the end as an episode. none of this is a knock against dta by the way. i have some problems with the fic but i am NOT immune to dta cas, i think he's wonderful and a pretty fresh take on a stale topic. actually, the singular fic that has the most interestingly unpleasant endverse cas i have ever read is also extremely reimagined, and this works to its benefit. you will find no criticism of explicit reimaginings here. i think mainstream fanon is much worse about flattening and woobifying endverse cas than dta, which just changes him in interesting ways. like, most endverse cas fics, long before dta existed... ok i think there are several factors that contribute to his woobification.

the first and most important is... well, fans frequently shave the rough edges off their male faves in terms of misogyny. this happens to like, every man. certainly dean, sam, and cas all get this treatment, but so do like. most male characters in most fandoms. this is partly because for majority-women transformative fans, casual sexism makes lots of (even most) male characters difficult to like on a visceral level, and it's easier to just ignore it than find someone else to attach to. it's also partly because the victims of that casual sexism are usually totally dehumanized by the narrative. like, they exists as props for an episode, or a scene, or a single joke, and the show tells us not to care about them. like, in free to be you and me, in the episode, cas looking deeply into chastity's eyes and saying that thing about her father is meant to be funny. the punchline of the joke is that cas is dumb and doesn't know how to act around women. we are not encouraged to empathize with chastity: the music stings make this scene comic and silly, the reaction shots are all of dean being flabbergasted by cas' ridiculousness, we see the consequences which are experienced by dean and cas, we have no idea what happens to chastity. the whole thing is tied up with an adorable bonding moment in the alley behind the brothel. it's all played as harmless silliness, and, crucially, we are only supposed to pay attention to our protagonists. chastity is a prop, we never even learn her real name. nothing about the shape of the narrative around her invites our empathy. so you could be forgiven for never ever once in a million years considering that if a strange man who none of the employees had ever seen before walked into a brothel and started listing intimate personal details about one of the employees, he is going to appear to be a dangerous stalker. this is of course a misunderstanding, cas is innocent here. but it never gets cleared up. is chastity scared after that? does she triple check her deadbolt every night? does she end up so paranoid that she moves apartments, to a worse place with mold on the walls and a rodent infestation? we don't ask these questions because the narrative tells us not to care, partly because of sexism and partly because supernatural has the worst case of protagonist syndrome i've ever seen. basically we don't see the consequences of our main characters' casual misogyny, so it's easier to ignore.

the second thing is that 5x04 is so explicit in painting endverse dean as Bad and endverse cas as a victim. like it's all about dean's guilt: he sees the state cas is in in the endverse and blames himself, and the narrative conspires to have him blame himself. he sees the cruel, vicious thing he himself becomes in the endverse and hates himself, and the narrative conspires to make him hate himself. this is often taken to extremes in fandom, where endverse dean is painted as directly victimizing endverse cas, when that doesn't seem to actually be the case in the episode, that's just dean's control and self-blame issues talking. he blames himself for cas' unhappiness because it was his obligation to prevent it and allowing it to happen is shirking his duties, not because he literally caused it. but because the narrative frame wants us to see cas as Victimized, we are only encouraged to see how he hurts himself, not other people.

the third thing is that endverse cas really does make a compelling sadboi! like, he is so aggressively queercoded, and he's so sad, and there's this insane implication that dean is cheating on him/has cheated on him, and he has all these hammy, tropey markers of someone whose life is ruined. like he is very compellingly tragic! and people see that and they hone in on the tragedy and they make him a woobie and ignore his less likable aspects. and also he's just begging to be categorized under the drug-addicted sad gay slut trope, unfortunately. and like. because people see him this way, as tragic and darling and pathetic, they tend to not pay attention to the harm he might cause other people.