#but its still annoying Like you had one job
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LucienWeek2024 Day Two Fox
Dandelions in the Wind
Word Count: 3900 Rating: GA @lucienweekofficial
Summary: There is an Old Mother's Tale where burning letters would send those words to your mate, wherever and whoever they are. Lucien Vanserra doesn't believe in it but finds comfort in the ritual. Until one day, his letter to Elain goes missing as he asks a fox to deliver his Winter Court missive to Rhys.
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The wind howled as Lucien gazed through the frost-laced window of his room at Kallias’s palace in the Winter Court. An angry snowstorm swirled outside, white and relentless, as he dipped his quill into the inkpot.
Kallias wasn’t happy with the apology or the terms. I explained it was all Amarantha’s doing, that you acted under her command, but he still holds you responsible. After all, it was you who suggested it to her. Viviane’s been more understanding—she’s willing to trade his life for the children’s. I could propose an even exchange of information: access to the Velaris libraries, if you find that agreeable.
Lucien dipped his quill again, then paused. He pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, searching for another solution. Kallias and Viviane... he liked them both, remembered sneaking out as a youngling to play with them in the snow. But High Lords and Ladies had their roles to play, and duty often took precedence over friendship. It annoyed him—this need for formality, for guarded words and actions.
A soft pulse stirred in the bond, like a gentle tug in the back of his mind. Lucien sighed and pressed a hand to his lower rib, to the place where his thread to Elain began. She didn’t mean to reach out—he knew that. Even when they weren’t speaking, her curiosity sometimes slipped through the bond, unbidden and undeniable.
Elain.
He couldn’t help it, not always, her curiosity slipping through in moments like this. And in response, a strange habit had started, a way for Lucien to expel his excess energy from her gentle prodding.
Elain,
I’m in the Winter Court for emissary business, and it’s as exhausting as you’d imagine. Kallias is being difficult, and Viviane... Well, she’s not exactly helping. I would’ve thought Rhys and Kallias reached an understanding during the High Lords meeting, but it seems that the fallout was only delayed.
But it’s beautiful here, truly. The gardens are a wonder, even in the snow. The camellias are in full bloom, their petals bright against the frost. Frost Lotuses peek through the snow, and I think you’d love it. I can see you tending a garden even in the depths of winter, finding a way to make life flourish in the cold.
He paused, the image of Elain in a winter garden so clear in his mind it felt almost real. He dipped the quill again, letting his thoughts flow.
I hope you’ll remember the fox messengers from the war. Viviane told me they’re more than just adorable in their vests. Apparently, if you ask nicely, they’ll dance after delivering your message. They take their job seriously. I hope you get to see one when Rhys’s report arrives. They’re quite entertaining.
Lucien tapped a finger against his chin, then continued.
The Winter Court is wonderful in its own way. I hope one day you’ll see it for yourself. I’d love to show you that there is beauty in the cold, as Feyre once told me how harsh winters were as a human… if you’d allow me.
There would be a grand dinner, with much more fanfare than the Night Court’s usual affairs. I hope one day you’ll attend as well. It reminds me of the elegant balls you’re accustomed to, though with a different charm. Hewn City may have its own allure, but this is something else entirely. It’s more whimsical than the gothic grandeur of Hewn City—a celebration of starlit snowfields and glittering frost, where beauty is found in every frozen breath.
Until then, know that you are in my thoughts, wherever I go.
Forever yours,L.
Lucien folded the letter carefully, his fingers lingering on the paper’s edges before slipping it into an envelope. He planned to burn it later, offering the smoke to the wind, like in the old Mother’s tale. They said the ashes would carry the message to your mate wherever they are, delivering your words in their dreams. He didn’t really believe it—but there was comfort in the thought, in the quiet hope that some part of his words might still reach her.
He set the envelope aside and returned to his report for Rhys. A quick note—just a line or two asking for guidance—before sealing it with his official mark.
Lucien rose from the desk and stretched, his gaze drifting to the window. The storm was still raging, snow whipping violently across the frozen landscape. For a moment, he imagined how Elain must have lived in that tiny, drafty cottage, relying on whatever Feyre could bring back from her hunts.
He’d heard bits of the story from Feyre—the endless hunger, the cold that seeped through every corner—and he felt a pang of sympathy, imagining how powerless Elain must have felt, caring for her ailing father in such bleak conditions. He couldn’t help but admire the quiet resilience that Elain’s father had spoken of so highly.
The clock chimed, marking the hour and reminding him that it was nearly time for dinner. Lucien frowned, wondering how he could get his missive delivered in weather like this.
Just as the thought crossed his mind, a white fox appeared before him as if conjured from thin air, its embroidered vest gleaming under the soft fae lights. It sat tall and proud, bushy tail curled neatly over its paws, and fixed him with an unblinking, almost expectant stare.
“Aren’t you professional,” Lucien muttered, quirking an eyebrow.
The fox blinked slowly, as if to acknowledge the compliment.
Lucien tilted his head, a smirk tugging at his lips. “May I see you dance?”
Without hesitation, the fox rose onto its hind legs and began hopping from side to side, its movements surprisingly graceful for something so small. Lucien couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Yeah,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Elain will love you.”
At that, the fox let out a high-pitched gekker and spun in a quick circle, chasing its own tail before resuming its little dance.
Lucien raised an eyebrow, turning back to the desk. “I have an important letter,” he said. “Can you deliver it?”
The fox sneezed, as if mildly offended by the question, then leapt onto the desk, as if to say I know my job. Before Lucien could stop it, the fox grabbed the envelope in its teeth, hopped down and, with an impressive twist, tucked it neatly into the small pouch on its vest.
Lucien crossed his arms, a smirk tugging at his lips as the fox stretched its front legs in what looked like an exaggerated bow. “Alrighty,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Off you pop.”
He turned back to his desk, ready to begin his ritual of burning the unsent letter to Elain. But as his hand reached for the second letter, his stomach dropped. The letter to Elain was gone.
No. No, no, no.
His mind raced, retracing his steps. He hadn’t misplaced it—he was certain. And then the realization hit him, cold and sharp, like a bucket of ice water.
From down the hall, the faint tap of paws on stone echoed, growing fainter by the second. Lucien’s gaze snapped to the doorway. The fox was trotting away, its tail swishing merrily, both letters bouncing at its side like trophies.
“Come back here!” Lucien shouted, his heart pounding as he bolted after it.
The fox paused just long enough to toss him a smug look over its shoulder, then darted away. Lucien cursed under his breath, feet pounding against the floor. He was fast, but the fox was faster, darting around corners, its gekkering echoing back at him.
Lucien nearly slipped as he rounded a sharp corner, catching only a glimpse of the fox’s bushy tail vanishing from sight.
“Stop!” he yelled, but the creature only looked back again, taunting him with those sharp, glinting eyes.
It dashed ahead, weaving through the palace halls like a ghost. Lucien sped up, breath coming fast, heart hammering in his chest. The fox was playing a game. And he was losing.
Suddenly, the creature veered toward a door with a flap at the bottom and slipped through it, vanishing into the storm outside. Lucien skidded to a stop, lips pressed into a thin line as he stared at the flap, which still swung back and forth from the fox’s escape. Its white fur had already melted into the swirling snow, impossible to track in the blizzard.
Irritation prickled at him. He couldn’t winnow directly to the Night Court, not from here. With a growl of frustration, Lucien opened the door and broke into a run again, feeling like he was chasing shadows through the storm. His only hope was the scent that lingered on the paper, his own scent—but it was quickly being swallowed by the cold, crisp air.
Desperate, Lucien headed straight for the River House, knowing he’d be late for dinner at the Winter Court but with no other option. He pushed himself harder, running as if he could outrun light itself.
Within moments, he was standing in front of the River House, breath clouding in the chilly air. He rapped on the door, and it swung open to reveal Rhys, his face already brimming with amusement.
“Well, well, Little Lucy,” Rhys drawled, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.
Lucien swallowed, trying to keep his tone even. “Did the fox messenger come here?”
“It did,” Rhys said, his grin widening.
Fuck.
“I… wasn’t done with the report before the fox took it,” Lucien lied. “May I have it back?”
Rhys raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced, but nonetheless pulled out an envelope from his jacket.
Lucien’s pulse quickened. “Is that it?”
“Yes,” Rhys said, though there was a trace of impatience in his voice.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes,” Rhys repeated, slower this time, clearly growing tired of the exchange.
Lucien’s lips pressed into a tight line, and before he could stop it, Rhys sent a vivid image into his mind—a memory, sharp and clear. The fox, looking every bit as dignified as a Court courier, neatly curled its body to retrieve one envelope before handing it over to Rhys. Only one.
“Looks like I, uh, forgot the other half,” Lucien muttered, inwardly cringing.
Rhys’s expression hardened. “This is important, Lucien.”
“Yes, sir,” Lucien sighed, before Rhys, clearly done with him, slammed the door shut.
Lucien turned on his heel, frustration burning in his chest. But as he looked up, his heart nearly stopped—there, standing at the edge of the pathway, was Elain. She wore her winter cloak, a basket in her hands, her wide, curious eyes meeting his.
He quickly composed himself, offering a polite nod. “Good evening, lady.”
“Sir,” she replied softly, dipping into a slight curtsy.
His gaze flicked to the basket. “Do you need help carrying that in?” The offer slipped out before he could stop himself, his manners seizing the chance to prolong their conversation.
“No, sir,” Elain answered with a small smile. “But thank you for the offer.”
He fought to keep his frustration in check, pushing through his awkwardness. “Did you, by any chance, see a fox messenger?” he asked, attempting nonchalance.
“I did,” she said, and for a moment, Lucien’s heart lifted. Maybe—just maybe—the fox had delivered the letter to her. Perhaps he could even ask for it back, claiming it was meant for Rhys.
But before he could say another word, she added, “It delivered its one letter to Rhys.”
His chest tightened, but he kept his expression neutral, a strained smile tugging at his lips. He was tempted to ask if the fox had delivered any other letters, if perhaps she had received one herself—but the thought of her asking why a fox might bring her a letter from him made his cheeks warm.
“Of course,” he muttered, attempting to brush it off. “Well, I hope it entertained you.”
A small smile flickered across her face, her eyes sparking with amusement. “It did. It… danced.”
“I heard they do. I’m glad you were able to witness it.”
Their eyes met, lingering a moment longer than was proper. Lucien’s pulse quickened as he fought the urge to say something more, to close the unspoken distance between them. He could feel it—their mating bond, a faint pull between them, fragile but undeniable. It thrummed under his left rib, a constant reminder of everything they hadn’t yet acknowledged.
He wondered if she felt it too. If she sensed that quiet, insistent tug drawing them closer, as impossible to ignore as it was to act upon
But whatever words he might have spoken stayed caught in his throat.
Lucien gave a small nod, his heart sinking deeper. “Good night, lady,” he said, bowing once more, even as the ache of unfulfilled words lingered between them.
“You as well, sir,” she replied, curtsying again, before slipping past him, avoiding his gaze.
As he walked away, the weight of what could have happened lingered heavily in his chest. He had no time to dwell on it now. He still had to return to the Winter Court.
He took his time getting back, using a combination of winnows and sprints. When he finally arrived at the palace, he braced himself for the inevitable fussing from Viviane and Kallias, as well as the curious looks from the rest of the Winter Court.
The evening passed in a blur of courtiers’ questions and discussions of court relations, but Lucien’s mind kept drifting. He clung to the faint hope that the fox, realizing its task was incomplete, might return to him. After all, the envelope had no addressee—it could still come back. The fox, clever as it was, might get agitated over an unfinished job.
At least, that’s what Lucien kept telling himself.
Despite his wandering thoughts, he managed to enjoy the gathering, the elderberry wine flowing freely and loosening the tongues of those closest to Viviane and Kallias. They offered insights that made Lucien think Rhys might finally secure an agreement—something to soothe the tension. But once the night drew to a close, Lucien found himself alone, still thoroughly convinced that the fox was out there, somewhere, trying to find the intended recipient of the second letter.
He decided to head to the birchin, hoping the steam and solitude might help him relax. He let the warmth ease his tension as he recalled his exchange with Rhys and Elain. Well, now that he had told Rhys he wasn’t done with the report, he figured he might as well make good on that claim. Filling a page with gossip wouldn’t hurt, and the wine had provided plenty of material to work with.
When he was done, Lucien penned the second half of his “report,” including a few rumors about Autumn and Day Courts and a playful mention of Viviane’s tipsy admiration of Night Court decorum. For a moment, he thought about writing another letter to Elain, filling her in on the evening’s events, but decided against it. Given what had happened earlier, he didn’t want to tempt fate.
Just as he was finishing up, the same white fox materialized out of thin air, its eyes narrowing at Lucien with something close to scrutiny.
Lucien sighed. “Well?” he asked, voice tinged with frustration. “Where’s the other letter?”
The fox tilted its head, then threw its head back and gekkered again. Lucien’s patience wore thin as the fox started its usual dance, hopping from side to side, its bushy tail swishing in rhythm.
Lucien rubbed his temples. “I don’t speak fox,” he muttered under his breath.
The fox sat down, flicking its tail over its snout in what Lucien swore was a demure gesture—if a fox could be demure.
Lucien threw up his hands. “Whatever,” he muttered. He grabbed the newly penned letter to Rhys and handed it to the fox, eyeing it with suspicion. “I trust you’ll get this to him.”
The fox sniffed the letter, then looked up at him, impatience glinting in its eyes.
“That’s it,” Lucien said firmly.
The fox blinked, clearly unimpressed, then sat down, fixing him with a steady, expectant gaze—as if waiting for Lucien to hand over a second letter. Preferably one addressed to Elain.
Lucien narrowed his eyes, tapping his foot in some kind of stubborn standoff. “I don’t have another letter for you to deliver,” he said through gritted teeth.
The fox’s ears flicked, unconvinced. It stayed rooted to the spot, gaze unwavering, as if daring him to cave.
Lucien exhaled sharply. “I am not about to embarrass myself in front of my mate just because you want…” He trailed off, a sudden thought striking him. “Wait… did you actually deliver my second letter to someone?”
The fox responded with a sharp gekker, its eyes glinting with what looked suspiciously like amusement. Lucien could only grumble in defeat.
Without another sound, the fox spun around, tail swishing as it darted out of sight, the letter for Rhys secured in its vest.
Lucien watched the fox disappear, no longer finding the creature cute or endearing. He stared at the empty doorway for a long moment, wondering just how much dignity he’d lost to a laughing fox. With a heavy sigh, he removed his clothes and climbed into bed, but his mind still lingered on that damned letter to Elain. Surely it wouldn’t turn up somewhere it shouldn’t. Like with Eris.
He tried to shove the thought aside, but the unease settled over him like a second skin.
As sleep tugged at him, the last thing on his mind wasn’t court politics or trade agreements. It was Elain, bending over to greet the white fox with a gleeful smile on her face. The fox would dance for her, chasing its tail in circles before bowing low and—Mother above—she’d procure a letter for him.
Lucien’s eyes snapped open as dawn filtered through the curtains. He blinked groggily, only to find the fox perched on top of him, its tail swishing in lazy arcs.
“Can I help you?” Lucien grumbled, his voice rough with sleep.
The fox glanced down at its vest, then dropped something square onto Lucien’s face. The soft lilac paper brushed against his nose, bringing with it a familiar scent.
Jasmine. With honey.
Alarm jolted him awake. He sat up, fingers trembling slightly as he grasped the letter. The penmanship was neat and feminine, with a looping elegance that sent his heart racing.
Elain’s handwriting.
He needed tea. No—he needed time. Instead, he paced, his thoughts spiraling into panic. What had Elain written? His mind leapt to the worst possibilities.
Leave me alone.Creep.Please don’t ever write to me again.Please, sir, don’t ever write to me again.
The fox, now curled comfortably on his bed, watched him with half-lidded eyes, clearly enjoying the spectacle.
“Let me guess,” Lucien muttered dryly. “You’re not leaving until I read the letter?”
The fox stretched luxuriously, before coiling back up, settling in for a nap. Its eyes closing as though to say, You’ll get no peace until you do. Lucien sighed and sat down beside it, scratching behind its ears absentmindedly. The fox whined softly, leaning into the touch as if offering comfort.
He took a deep breath and, with one last moment of hesitation, opened the letter.
Dearest Lucien,
At least, that’s how I would have hoped you’d start your letter, though I suppose it was never truly meant for my eyes. I apologize for not mentioning that the fox delivered a letter to me first, before delivering your missive to Lord Rhysand. It’s been so long since I’ve received a letter of any kind, and I must admit, it was a welcome surprise. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
The Winter Court sounds beautiful. I looked into the flowers you mentioned, and I agree. It would be wonderful to see blooms during the Night Court’s winter. I imagine it might be too cold for me to tend to, as I must confess, I quite detest being cold. But still, the idea of something blooming in a place where it otherwise wouldn’t… there’s a certain magic in that, isn’t there? A bit of unexpected life in the midst of all that frost.
As for your conundrum with Lord Kallias and Lady Viviane…
Lucien snorted at the way she underlined their titles.
…Perhaps a change of perspective is what they need. I’m not sure if you know this, since you weren’t there last year, but …
Lucien frowned at that, puzzled by what she meant to imply.
… Starfall is a celebration of those who have passed. Perhaps such a celebration could bring some solace to Lord Kallias and Lady Viviane, serving as both a way to honor the lives lost and to celebrate Lord Kallias’s survival. It might also help Lord Kallias understand that Lord Rhysand deemed his life worth saving because they both share an understanding of the value of life. By saving Lord Kallias, the cost was the children, but it was with the hope that Lord Kallias could save more lives than were lost.
I enjoy reading about your experience at the Winter Court. It reminds me of the letters Papa used to send me when he traveled for business—how he always promised to bring me along one day so I could see the world through his eyes. Your letter brought back those same feelings of comfort, something I didn’t realize I had forgotten. Thank you for reminding me of the little things he did.
If you have the time, I would love to hear more about your adventures and offer advice where I can. Perhaps Lord Rhysand and Feyre might even allow me to be of some use to the court, if you believe I could be helpful.
Lucien’s breath caught at the last few lines.
Yours very respectfully,E(lain)
P.S. Just in case you were expecting another person whose name begins with the letter E to sign off.
For a moment, he let the words sink in. Not just the content, but the tone—the gentle curiosity, the offer of help, the nostalgia that mirrored his own. He hadn’t expected... this. He had braced for rejection, for polite dismissal, for indifference. Instead, Elain had written something thoughtful, almost kind.
The fox shifted beside him, giving a satisfied little stretch, clearly sensing the change in Lucien’s mood. He glanced down at the creature, then back at the letter, running a thumb over the edge of the parchment.
“Well,” Lucien murmured softly, more to himself than the fox. “I suppose I owe you an apology for doubting you.”
The fox blinked slowly, resting its head on its paws as if to say, I told you so.
Lucien chuckled, shaking his head as he scratched behind its ears. The fox gave a low, contented hum, clearly pleased with itself. But Lucien’s thoughts were still circling Elain’s letter. He hadn’t expected it to be so... pleasant. It had soothed him in a way he hadn’t anticipated, and that left him feeling oddly light.
He narrowed his eyes at the fox, realization dawning. “No wonder you looked so demure when I asked about the other letter.”
The fox let out a high-pitched gekker, tail swishing with satisfaction. Lucien paused, but then—a faint sound echoed through his mind, like the softest of giggles. Elain’s laughter, light and amused.
For a heartbeat, Lucien froze, unsure if he’d imagined it. But the fox gave him a knowing look, its eyes gleaming with mischief.
Lucien sighed, rubbing his temples. “I’m surrounded by tricksters,” he muttered as a small, reluctant smile tugged at his lips.
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My favorite works in no particular order:
Tipsy Tales (Anemo Boys)
Symbiosis (Ayato)
What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)
Hello How Are You (Gorou)
Follow the Wind II (Kazuha)
Of the Same Coin (Mika)
Songs of the Wind (Venti)
Nothing Lasts Forever (Yae Miko)
Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness (Zhongli)
Of Hopes and Prayers (Zhongli)
#about me#it actually is a coincidence that majority are from different characters and not the same#so in like manner as another list i gave a while back i shall give fun facts about each#tipsy tales - one day i will update the post to include wanderer and will not tell anyone or reblog it#symbiosis - one of my favorite readers. i just like the way they speak. i dont have a full story planned for them as of yet#what destiny has brought - in truth i cannot stand fischl. she annoys me. i only wrote this bc i wanted her to stop being so delusional#hello how are you - tbh i only like this bc i think i absolutely nailed the voice and characterization. one day i will write a sequel#follow the wind ii - probably my all time favorite work. features one of the few kisses i have ever written.#(cont) but it cant be understood without reading the first chapter and my thoughts on kazuha as a character#of the same coin - i'll be honest i just think this is cute. i think this fic has one of my highest reblog to notes ratios#songs of the wind - the vibes are good with this one. like the first chapter has good vibes but this chapter is even better. very warm#nothing lasts forever - i wanted to write yae in a moment of weakness. i think i did a good job#sharing a drink they call loneliness - the amateurness of the writing now makes me wince but.... the catharsis and ending is still top notch#(cont) i had a point i wanted to make with this fic and smashed it out of the ballpark#of hopes and dreams - probably the most romantic fic in the series and its a deleted scene lmao. still like how i wrote it though#i forgot to say that these arent necessarily my best written fics#they're just the fics i personally like the best#honorable mentions are:#telling them off (ayato)#completely covered in red (ayato)#simple (alhaitham)#follow the wind i (another one i completely nailed the voice and characterization for in my humble opinion)#secret identities and whatnot (venti/xiao)#indulgence (wriothesley)#slitherer-outer (zhongli)#i know i'm kinda feeling myself in this post but nobody is gonna read it anyway except for u slo so i'm fine with that <3
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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whenever a news site that isnt specifically dedicated to sonic decides to make an article about something sonic related theyre always like *MOST BLATANTLY INCORRECT INFORMATION ABOUT THIS CHARACTER/STORY YOUVE EVER HEARD*
#shoutout to this article i saw that said shadow was created by eggman in his plans to defeat sonic. extremely loud incorrect buzzer#this is definitely one of the less harmful things to be spreading misinformation on#but its still annoying Like you had one job#theres def other examples of this sort of thing thats just an example i remember off the top of my head#or sometimes its not misinformation its just an absolutely atrocious take and you can tell they have no clue what theyre talking about#just many bad lazily put together sonic articles all around
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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unblocking several ppl because they admit the ending to wrestledream was ass
#i was actually optimistic for bryan's title reign despite me worrying abt his health#bryan did said he liked to lie so maybe all that talk abt being overdue for surgery is just him working us#and i did got worked!#but then yknow. 48 days of holding the title#a one off match with nigel that has no real consequences#a super rushed bcc break up#wheeler yuta turning on to him after a grand total of three weeks standing at his side#and bryan lost to a guy who only agree to lose on when he got a concussion or when he squashed the guy thats gonna defeat him first#no job mox strikes again lol i guess hes still bummed he lost to a highschooler in a bjj tournament#fragile mind fragile bod- okay fuck im not that mean#im mostly annoyed over how good the concept of a bcc breakup and a bryan as champ could have been#and honestly i was curious over what mox is gonna do. like his motivation that bcc had gotten too soft is something! you can turn that into#somehing good! except the motivation was never explicitly dwelled upon#bryan and mox never have a face off where they battle each other philosophies#marina shafirs addition to mox's group was never really explained#and tk never let the story breathe#everything happens so fan its borderline nonsensical. like interesting idea horrible execution#everything is super fucking rushed. like i can not BELIEVE wheeler would turn in like several weeks#and the nigel bryan feud is such a wasted opportunity#it could have been a year worth of good moments of stories but it ended in a few months#i feel ripped off for getting invested and im not even paying for a fite subscription#sigh.... its hard when the thing you like can be good but it sucks ass#wrasslin
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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Tbh? I still feel so out of my depth whenever I try to write Bill. For whatever reason it doesn't come naturally to me like writing Ford does. Every time one of y'all has thoughts on Bill's characterization or writes something Bill-centric I'm mentally taking so many notes
#godsrambles#im in that weird inbetween of knowing when his characterization Feels Right but not knowing how to write him so it feels right#its like that stage in art where your eye for good composition and colors and anatomy improves but you dont know how to actually apply it#what i should do is write some short scenes where he interacts with other people#because most of the fics I've written are 100% his internal thoughts when he is completely alone#which is way easier. takes away at least a few of the layers youd usually have to keep track of with this goddamn guy#the only one i can think of that had bill actually talking to someone else is parhelion. and i KNOW i slightly mischaracterized him in that#made him a lil too Smooth. made his manipulative front a lil too gentle and kind and patient#but since its from fords Very Reverent Rose Tinted Glasses perspective i dont think its that big a deal#and also the more i lean into him Seeming Perfect To Ford the more sinister it is to read with the knowledge of what happens later#which is. so much fun. and im so normal about it#but i still do want to get better at writing him interacting with others#ironically one issue that seems to come up is me being like 'whenever he talks to people they always respond exactly how he expects them to#like subconsicously. in the form of 'they get tricked successfully' or 'they are annoyed and bothered to the extent he was going for'#tfw you cant write a character bc you accidentally have the same innaccurate thought process as him#tags essay#TBH writing him as Too good at manipulation in parhelion is also billcore.#'this is how it happened right. im soooo good at trickery good job me'#if you count 'tricking yourself' then yeah bill youre the best at trickery there ever was
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I'm trying so fucking hard to organize my work place and I just cannot get people to show up to meetings or have conversations with other people. we have like 62 confirmed yesses and we need to have like 120-130 minimum by the end of February to be able to go forward
#start organizing your workplaces as soon as possible bc its a fucking long and arduous process#and if you want it to happen you have to actually work for it. you cant just complain and then do nothing to help 😩#i want to be mean to these people but i need their help#people keep telling me they dont want to spend an hour per week on it bc they already work full time#which i get but its just annoying to hear bc last semester i was working like 50+ hrs a week between 3 jobs#and i still showed up to almost every meeting and continuously had conversations with people at work relating to the union#so its just like. come on. i know were all busy but the meetings are an absolute maximum of 1 hour#usually half that tho. and you don't have to come for more than a few minutes to get updates and show your support#also its on zoom! you dont even have to go anywhere!#im just so frustrated i want to cry. every week its just me and the 2 other guys who come most weeks#one of whom lives in another state and no longer works at the library
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maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me
#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts#the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the#studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for#that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends#emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home#the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely#dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective#ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on#about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly#i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀#i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop#being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends#instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best#the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole#and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to#play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it#ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore#i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh#having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬#i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low?#im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends#fake people rarely ever change#i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected#might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website#the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd#i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere
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God that mood where you both need to do stuff and want to do stuff but both needs are vague and have too many options so you just. Do nothing you want or need to do and realize all the time you had is disappearing. A good time!!!
#haeroniel talks#forget the tag oh well#but for real. had 4 days off work and a ton of real life stuff i both have to get done and have been meaning to get done for a long time#ive pretty much only played video games and called my friends. genuinely not time wasted and i love when i get to do that#and like rn i would love to play more games and spend time with my friends like if one offers you know i never say no#but its also already getting dark and i have to go back to work tomorrow and ive not done everything i promised to have done yknow?#time doesnt feel real and i dont wanna get up even if the anxiety slowly builds to hopefully productive panic#but in the mean time im like ugghh i wanna stop laying around just playing sudoku and watching lame youtube. i wanna play something#(unclear what it is i actually wanna play too many options i kinda wanna play all of them and none huehheh)#im also very sad i havent drawn in ages and any attempt just feels shit. like maybe if i read enough fanfic thatll respark the love.#id love to post something before christmas to get me excited to draw again over the break but who the hell knows if i'll manage#and yeah still have the annoying job related/driving school related/therapy applying/other life admin that really really should be done#im just being grouchy and stuck and need to vent hi tumblr love you all kiss kiss i wish i could function better#i think maybe perhaps. ill concede that driving school and therapy arent priority (important but ive wasted ages on them already)#i think i can do work related things bc theyre sort of fun. i can use my parents help to whack through the life admin and then#maybe i can let myself spend the rest of the evening guilt free either calling my friends and/or playing or if im going totally w drawin
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GENSHIN + BREAK UP, MAKE UP
— ꒰ synopsis ꒱ — you fuck your ex boyfriend and shocker, you love it ᰔ
— ꒰ including ꒱ — alhaitham, ayato, heizou, wriothesley x fem! reader
— ꒰ warnings ꒱ — ex boyfriend trope, slightly toxic & mean boys, bratty! reader ??? dirty talk, oral (male! receiving), fingering, cowgirl position, cumming inside, lots of cum lol, dom characters
— ꒰ ALHAITHAM ꒱
"hey, don't insult me now," alhaitham looks at you with a prized confusion in his eyes— while also taking care of your bodies needs and desires, his cock pressing deeply in you. "what's with the attitude i hear?" his voice was clearly hinting at a hazed tone as he pants against your wet cheek, your tits flushed against his solid chest.
you gasp at him, curving your fingers into his hair to pull it, "w-what attitude?" your hips involuntarily buck into his cock so he would hopefully get the hint and continue to move, more so stop being so annoying for once in his life.
"you're hiding it from me," he whispers cruelly, "don't act stupid now, aren't you so smart?" as his hips begin to grind through your tight hole, a warm press slowly distending in your cunt and swelling in your belly.
"you hide your moans from me, fuck, you brat, you know what that does to me," under the cover of a shaken exhale, he shoves you into the mattress even further— no mercy, no signs of previous affection, only a raw and pleasuring handle.
archons, how much you loathed the way he always had you figured out this quickly.
how, just how.
but well, it's not like you were a couple anymore, correct? so why would you give him the pleasure of hearing you? knowing full on well he finds it to be the best part whenever he fucked you.
just so he could pride himself again? scrap that, he doesn't deserve it, nor to indulge into every drop of desire you give him.
"hah, you're so weak alhaitham," you bite back a whimper, "still so weak for me," as your hole clenches, throbs and milks against his awfully hard cock before you look at him through a wet expression, his hair soused and messy sticking all over his forehead, pressed into the light sheen of sweat across his face, "or maybe you aren't doing a good job,"
it's dangerous— playing that game with your ex. but it's also worth the gamble.
— ꒰ AYATO ꒱
like a puppy, you preciously kneel between ayato's legs, slightly leaning against one of his muscular thighs— one hand proudly holding his cock in your grasp to stroke him, your wet tongue circulating over the leaking slit just how he liked it.
but that familiar infatuation from months ago, when you were still considering yourself a team, that disgustingly known taste of your tongue on his cock made the yashiro commissioner twitch in your hand— is it desperation in his movements? or longing?
it reminds him all too much on how things used to be.
when you were in a relationship, of course, "in love", and where fucking you wasn't just fucking to neither of you, it was making love.
a longing that filled the whole breast with its mad virus.
it was much, much. he could never argue against the fact that you were the only one who could make him fall to his knees.
you flick the tip of your tongue back and forth over the inflamed head, teasing the slit and making him shudder, finding it more and more satisfying to have someone within such position under your grasp, the constant press of need and attention on your cunt only coming second.
"y-your mouth feels so fucking good," he heaves and embarrassingly coughs out right after— well, it's not that deep? because hey, a commissioner doesn't curse now, does he? but he did it for you, always.
how were you able to always coax that out of him?
your hand tightens around his erection, adding shallow yet precise pumps over his shaft as you cup his balls roughly, massaging them in your palm and wetting them with your saliva.
he's already wet of both his pre and your spit, yet you do not waste any chance to spit on his tip again, again and again until your cheeks and chin where littered with filth, finding it rather enchanting whenever ayato moans disgustingly hot.
chest rising, falling again, groans hitching at the feeling of your saliva sliding down his tip.
"i want to touch you too, come on now, don't you want me to touch you?" he begins to whimper, stroking over your head affectionately as you look up at him, flexing your throat, grabbing at his shaft more firmly.
he continues, although it gets harder to breathe, "don't you want my fucking hands on you, come on, admit it," fuck, ayato was so pent up— from work? from going through a messy break up? from being alone?
archons who was he fooling besides himself? it's due to how much he has missed you, missed this, missed your scent all around him.
— ꒰ HEIZOU ꒱
"oh your so wet, well look at this, look at this all over my hand,"
"some things never change, hm?" heizou moans softly and parades his glistening fingers to your blinking eyes as you whined out, trying to shift from his body hovering on top.
it's futile— not because you actually want him to stop, but because you really wanted this, despite him being so embarrassing and blunt about it.
what little movement you managed to coax from your hips merely aroused you further as heizou stuck his fingers back into your cunt— two slippery digits scissoring you hard, reaching deeper and floating inside you like inside water before rubbing his thumb back and forth your clit.
your thoughts were sluggish, and you found yourself overwhelmed due to the fact that your body enjoyed it, and so did your mind.
you knew this was wrong, this shouldn't happen, this wouldn't make it easier for either of you in the long run. but you couldn't think beyond that when all you thought about was his next touch and buck of his hands thrusting into your cunt.
your skin tingles, ever hot as he presses and rubs and strokes until every inch of your being was shivering in need and regretting ever breaking up with him.
no matter how often you try to act like he isn't setting a fire along the slopes of your skin, the detective will never stop seeking you out for this, conquering your sinful spots until you're fucked out of your mind, only then he will get close to your ear and ask you to say that you regret ever letting him go.
— ꒰ WRIOTHESLEY ꒱
"do you still fucking hate me?" there was a rumble emitting from wriothesley's chest, and for one long moment, he was consumed by nothing more other than your tight cunt riding him fiercely, "do you still refuse to admit that you secretly like this?"
if only he could shut up for just a damn second, just one.
"do you?" your eyes flew open to him in anger, your gaze aggravated in its entire embrace, how dare he mock this— but an expanding shock of his hips bucking into you forced a new bodily reaction from your shuddering frame, enough to override the otherwise enticing anger you were about to spit like venom into his proud face.
your back arches as you shoot him a dangerous glare— one that could easily get confused with a please please do fuck me harder, instead of hold your tongue you asshole.
because you see, don't act out on anger, instead luxuriate in the crushing weight of his cock between your legs, hard and heavy throbbing as you ride him, pleasure and fuck him hard— still pondering about how difficult it always had been to fit his entire length inside of you.
you let your legs shift apart more as your tits bounce in combination with your movements, your back arching as your pussy began to milk him fiercely, squelch and squelch as the deep, bloating throbs of his shaft scrub over the bends of your walls, until reaching your swelling belly.
you turn sensitive, he knows it, the duke can feel it.
"oh, come on now baby," pride gushes from his mouth as he tilts his head, tightly holding your waist before thrusting up. you wouldn't let him bath inside his confidence any longer as you lightly punch his chest upon hearing him use a damn petname.
"oh? you don't want me to call you that?"
"obviously not," you shake your head, wetting your lips, despite that, he could hear the arousal in your voice, "why are you clenching when i say it then? baby~" as he maintains his ardour, refusing to allow you to control your little get together as he mercilessly thrusts up into you, thick and heavy cock slipping in and out, your arousal running down his balls.
your moans are a little more breathless now, shaken as the pumping motions of his erection slapping against your pussy only grew needier.
©2024 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin smut#genshin impact smut#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley smut#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham smut#ayato x reader#ayato smut#al haitham x reader#al haitham smut#heizou x reader#heizou smut#genshin x you#genshin impact x you#ayato x you#alhaitham x you#wriothesley x you#heizou x you
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Pt 2 (getting into more positives!!)
OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#And one more negative thing to add on bc I lost space in the previous tags.#Are there characters that do so much worse shit to hero and partner? ABSOLUTELYYYYY.#CHATOT WAS FUCKING GENTLE COMPARED TO WHAT ANTAGONISTS/VILLAINS DID.#But the thing is. They’re interesting characters to me. They’re SO WELL WRITTEN. (Not DARKRAI lmao)#When they do horrible shit there’s layers upon layers of context and complexity.#Chatot?? A character who has a stick up his ass but cares secretly. But does some needlessly cruel shit at points#I’d much rather watch a well-written entertaining villain. Than a badly written annoying character.#NOW!!! THAT BEING SAID!!!! THINGS I LIKED!!!#First off Post game and special episode 1 chatot. ARE SO GOOD. THEY WRITE HIM SO WELL.#ESPECIALLY IN THE SPECIAL BIDOOF EPISODE.#SURE HE HAS A STICK UP HIS ASS. BUT HIM SENDING THE WHOLE GUILD TO PROTECT ONE OF HIS GUILD MEMBERS?????? I LOVED THATT.#ITS THE PERFECT BLEND OF ‘KIND-OF STRICT ASSHOLE’ AND ‘SECRETLY CARING SO SO MUCH.’#IF HE WAS LIKE THAT IN MAIN GAME I WOULDVE ADORED CHATOT. NO QUESTION.#And!!! ABOUT THE MONEY IN THE GUILD. THATS NOT HIS FAULT.#The exploration federation is the one taking majority of the money to keep the guild running.#And if that wasn’t enough chatot had to do it alone.#(Something about chapter 10 where the guild was at risk of shutting down)#SO I DONT BLAME HIM WHATSOEVER. IF I SAY I DO ITS MAINLY JOKING ABT HIM BEING A LANDLORD.#That and taking the stress of keeping Wigglytuff calm. Like. I get it. He has so much shit on his plate.#Everything he did might’ve been bc of stress. But the main game did not do a good job of portraying that and writing him well.#With all that considered my viewpoint of him went from ‘I fucking hate you’ to ‘…I get it. But I still don’t like you at all.’#And I think it isn’t that I hate chatot. Bc there’s been a theme to what I’ve been repeatedly saying: bad writing.#Pmd eos is a beautifully written game. Where it’s highs reaches its highs.#But chatot for me was such a low. which is such a shame bc I remember when I did love him.#I found him charming for his slightly asshole persona but still very much caring abt the guild and its members.#but. yeah. I’ve given him some more passes thanks to a certain person.#but he could’ve been better. Ik if I replay the game I’ll start to feel frustrated again.#and I still don’t like him. but kudos to the few that give him a chance and love him regardless. y’all are valid.#anyways. IM DONE RANTING ABOUT FICTIONAL BIRD!!!! YAHOO!!!!!
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TOO MUCH
18+ / mdi
summary: after a few weeks of constant overtime work slouching over a desk, you feel as if your back is about to give out on you. fortunately for you, your best friend seungcheol is a professional masseuse! unfortunately for you, you're unsure of how you'll keep your crush on your best friend at bay while on his massage bed, ass up and oiled up.
content: masseuse!seungcheol, friends to lovers, pining (act surprised), touch-starved reader, inexperienced reader, very uninformed view of what being a masseuse is like oops, afab reader, smut, fingering, oil is involved, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.
wc: 7.9k
a/n: as someone who's had horrible back pain ever since i was a child, this is based on mostly real events </3 also not 100% proofread
masterlist
support me through a one-time tip! <3
Your back was killing you.
It had been weeks since you'd gotten some proper rest, having made the terrible decision to take on some overtime at work, not knowing that your supervisor would get so used to the extra help she would continue to schedule you more hours week after week, thus destroying your back in the process. You knew that you could simply say no, but the extra money was helpful. You had wanted to start saving up a little more so you could finally move out of your shitty neighborhood, so the situation kind of worked out. The money would also go to paying your student loans, meaning you really couldn't miss this chance for an increase in income. It was kind of a win-win situation, except your poor back was the sole loser.
Your job didn't involve too much movement, no. It was mostly office work, which required you to sit on your hunched back for 10 hours per day, only allotting yourself for three quick 15-minute breaks and a 30 lunch break in which you would still be hunched over as you ate. You knew it was a bad habit, but sitting there for so many hours, you'd forget to sit up straight as you looked into the computer screen, and even if you fixed your posture while working, your back was just not built for standing still for such long periods of time. There was really no saving your back from its stiff fate at this point. These work hours also didn't allow you time to even work out or stretch in order to keep your body at least a little active and maybe prevent your pain a tiny bit.
Your best friend Seungcheol constantly scolded you over your bad posture. It wasn't like you actually had bad posture, okay? You weren't constantly hunched over, nor were you carrying all your weight on your shoulders. This was a recent development resulting directly from your increased work hours. But Seungcheol, being a masseuse, always noticed the slightest changes in your physique, claiming he could spot a sore back from a mile away, with yours being a very obvious case. He could notice your head standing a little lower, digging into your shoulders more and more as the days went by. He also took notice of your constant wincing and your futile attempts at rubbing your own shoulders whenever the soreness got too annoying.
He pitied you, really. He hated seeing you in pain. Being your best friend, he felt it as his duty to try and relieve it in any way he could. On top of having most of your free time being taken over by work, he hated to think that you were also in pain during the few hours you spent away from the office. He had communicated all these concerns to you over the past few weeks, trying to convince you to let him give you a massage in order to relieve the pain, but you'd consistently refused. He was unsure as to why, and being denied a proper reason made him want to keep on insisting until you finally allowed him to rid you of your discomfort.
"One massage won't fix my issues," you'd argued over and over again. To which he simply responded by saying he could just give you a standing appointment every week! He was very insistent on helping you, wanting to relieve you of at least some of the pain. But you were even more insistent in denying him. You were too busy to use up the little bit of free time you had going to the spa Seungcheol worked at. You also didn't think a massage would really be the ultimate solution, despite how badly your sore shoulders begged for relief. Yeah, sure, a massage might alleviate the pain for a bit, but it would simply come back after another week at the office. That, and the fact that the spa Seungcheol worked at was only open during your work hours, meaning you'd have to either haul ass over there during your thirty minute lunch, or take time off. Both were huge no's to you. There were just far too many reasons as to why not take him up on his offer, you argued both to him and yourself. But you knew these were simply excuses. Your main reason had been something you'd kept deep within yourself. You were starving for his touch, but scared of how your body would react to it.
You were generally an averagely touchy person with friends and family. Not overly touchy, but arguably an appropriate amount. It had only been a little over a year or so since you'd begun to feel a bit strange at the lack of intimate touch you'd experienced thus far in your life. While all your friends had experimented and had fun during college, you were a little shier and more reserved, rendering you a bit behind the rest of the herd in that area. It wasn't very noticeable to all. It wasn't like your friends were aware about how sexually frustrated you'd grown over the years due to your lack of experience, but you'd still tried to keep it a secret how unaccustomed you were to more intimate forms of physical touch. Even something as innocent as a massage from a friend. You'd be as touchy as any friend would expect, but still felt a slightly strange sensation when it came to any mention of more intimate activities. You'd somehow grown used to a lack of touch, despite being best friends with the touchiest person alive. You usually avoided being too physically affectionate with Seuncheol anyways, having harbored a small crush on him when you'd first met and wanting to avoid any of your emotions getting in the way of a friendship you treasured so much. You'd known that a massage from the man would be a huge nono, all things considered, which was where all your denials stemmed from.
You had been friends with Seungcheol since college. You had both shared a major, meaning that you kept bumping into each other day after day, attending almost all the same classes freshman year. You had taken a quick liking to each other, befriending one another almost immediately. Despite having had a crush on the man at first sight, you were content with the friendship that had blossomed instead. You'd even ended up joining Seungcheol's little friend group, being friends with most of them even to this day. This unexpected closeness during your first year led you to coordinate your schedules the following three years, thus seeing each other literally every day you were on campus. Even now, having recently graduated college, you were still best friends, meeting up constantly. Despite sharing a major, you both had ended up in drastically different places after college. You had gone for the corporate route while Seungcheol suddenly developed a passion for physical therapy, eventually becoming a massage therapist. At the time, however, he worked at a luxury spa downtown, being known as one of their best masseuses and singlehandedly earning the establishment an increase from a four-star rating to five stars just from the quality of his work alone.
You had visited Seungcheol's work before, quickly deciding it just wasn't your vibe. The place was nice and perfectly polished, but upon seeing a few of the masseuses' skills in action, you realized it'd be better for your friendship if you avoided such intimate contact with one another. Yes, you knew massages were not inherently intimate, but being oiled up and felt up by someone who was as close to you as Seungcheol just didn't ring like a good idea to you. It also didn't help that the massive crush you had on the man in college seemed to be resurfacing as of late. You believed to have gotten over it a few months into senior year, but you didn't want to risk reviving it under any circumstances.
However, despite your constant rejections, Seungcheol continued to beg you to let him take care of your problem, and denying him was something that pained both you and your back. So you now found yourself with two issues; back pain, and a very pouty Seungcheol.
"Fuck, my back is killing me," you repeated for the millionth time in the past five hours since you had woken up. You had intended to enjoy your rare day off, even waking up a little earlier than intended so you could make plans with your roommates, but your plans quickly died on you as soon as you woke up, body stiff as a rock and your soreness worse than ever.
"We get it! You're in pain. So go do something about it!", whined your friend Seungkwan in return, not even bothering to look at you from his phone, "It's bad enough I had to cancel my plans to stay here and take care of you. Just go get oiled up by Cheol and stop making this my problem!"
If there was anything Seungkwan was, it was direct. He was right. Your pain was getting out of hand. And the longer you waited, the worse it would get. Except he didn't know about your calamity to its full extent.
"Listen, I don't even have the money to afford his fancy spa. Have you been there? One day is worth a whole day's pay!"
"Please. It's Seungcheol. He'll get you in for free. Hell, he'll even pay you to go."
"I don't have time to go!", another excuse. A few more and Seungkwan might even begin to crack the code behind your insistent refusal.
He suddenly straightened up from his laid-back position, staring directly in your direction, "All the solutions are there. You're the problem. It's like you want to be in pain! I could literally call him up right now and he'd drop work to come help you. Just get the damn massage!"
This is how a lot of your conversations went lately. Well, the very few conversations you could have nowadays due to your heavy workload. You'd occasionally even have to bring work home even after having been there for half the day. Your eight hours of sleep a night were not even pleasurable anymore, as you felt stiff as a rock the moment you attempted to lay down. The only comfortable stance, ironically, was hunched over in front of a computer. It was like you'd frozen into that pose, feeling immeasurable pain any time you attempted to move any other way. You'd tried pilates, stretches, yoga. Nothing worked. Maybe Cheol's massage really was the only solution, but it'd been so long since you began denying him you now felt a little silly going back on your word. That, and your other obvious issues.
"I'll be fine, Kwan! Just leave. You don't have to take care of me, I just need to lay for a bit."
"You'll lay there all day, I know you. Your life's become a constant state of sleep and work. Maybe you should just quit," he suggested, seemingly moving on from the Cheol topic. Finally.
"Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much debt I have to pay off? I don't wanna be paying this off for the rest of my life. I'd rather suffer for a few years now and just get it out of the way," you reasoned, although not sounding very reasonable even to yourself. What's the rush?, a voice in the back of your head would sometimes whisper, but you'd just ignore it.
"Fine," he tsk'd. "Rot in your own misery, I'm going out with Kyeom and Soonie. If I come back and you've morphed into a rock, don't say I didn't warn you," and with that, he announced his departure, going forward with the plans you had made with your friends before your back had gotten in the way.
You knew your friend was kidding, but the unbearable pain would sometimes have you wonder. Should you just go to Cheol? What was the worst that could happen of you just let him touch you? His touch would be purely platonic, you were sure of that. But you feared that it would rekindle your feelings even more, and maybe that your high-strung self would not be able to handle such touch from him without finally snapping.
You were weak. This wasn't much of a secret among your friend group, or anyone really. Which is why you now found yourself walking through the doors of Seungcheol's spa. You had spent about an hour rotting in your own misery, as Seungkwan had put it, before deciding to power through your pain and drive down to where you knew Seungcheol was currently working a shift. You hadn't called him, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. You weren't planning on booking a massage today, no. You couldn't have even if you wanted, knowing that the spa Seungcheol worked at was a bit renown in town and that their bookings went weeks back. You had just wanted to give it another try. Maybe visual learning would convince your stubborn self to accept Cheol's help for once.
You entered the establishment, already knowing exactly where to go to find out about Seungcheol's whereabouts. You walked to the receptionist, opening your mouth to ask for assistance before being rudely interrupted.
"Sorry. We're booked for the day. Our next open bookings begin in December. Try again then," the conversation had ended before it began, causing you to close your mouth right back up.
Once more, you opened your mouth to speak, maybe respond in equally passive aggressive tone as the girl had, but you were rudely interrupted once again, except this time it was by a warmer, more welcoming voice.
"Y/N? What are you doing here?", you could not see him from your angle, needing to turn around to face the source of the sound, but you could instantly hear the smile in his voice, clearly both happy and shocked to find you here of all people.
You turned around, now facing the boy. He was wearing his usual 'uniform', which really just consisted of some tight black slacks and a matching black short-sleeve top tucked into his pants. You'd forgotten how well his uniform fit him. It must've been one of the reasons why his massages were rated so high, you thought.
"Hey, Cheol ..." you smiled awkwardly, having been caught off guard by the man. You'd meant to surprise him, not the other way around.
"I wasn't expecting you. Did you call? Did you make an appointment?!", his eyes widened at the possibility, looking past you and at the receptionist as if to confirm his inquiry.
"No, Cheol. I told you I didn't want a massage. I came to see you, actually," well that was half true. You had wanted to see your friend in his element, maybe even convince yourself of finally taking him up on his offer. You had just wanted to see if you could handle that type of touch from your best friend considering your situation (re: a recovering case of touch starvation with a mixture of 'I might kind of maybe still have a bit of a crush on my bff').
To be completely honest, you were somewhat afraid. You'd hadn't felt any form of intimate touch in a long while or, well, ever. And to have it come from your best friend would only open up a can of worms you had wanted to keep under lock and key ever since meeting the man. Every excuse you'd given thus far to reject him bad been true, but had also been just that; an excuse. You knew that Seungcheol's treatment would help you lessen an issue that had now grown past your own personal ability to manage on your own. Which is why you were now here, willing to give it a try. You had self control, right? What was the worst that could happen if you let your best friend get his hands on you, your bare back as he rubbed it with oil? You'd deal with the logistics later, now you just wanted to see exactly what your friend was offering you.
"Me? What's up?", he had begun to walk you towards his rest area, away from the mean receptionist as he continued conversation with you.
"Well, I, uh, I was thinking about your offer ..."
"Really?! You wanna do it? I can clear up my schedule! Just let me talk to Stacy real quick and-"
"Cheol!", you had to physically hold him back from walking back to the reception to rearrange his day. He seemed way too excited to help you out.
"I haven't decided yet, Cheol. I was just thinking, well, wondering if it'd be okay for me to maybe shadow you for a while or something? Just to see what it'd be like?"
To any outsider you must've sounded like an idiot, somehow worrying over something that was arguably the most relaxing experience a person could possibly have. Ironically. What people didn't understand was the effect Seungcheol could have on a person. Specially a touch-starved, heavily emotionally invested, weak individual such as yourself. Denying your crush on Seungcheol was really the only defense you had left at this point. You could admit to your fears of being touched by Cheol, chalking it up to your lack of experience at being touched in general, but you could not even admit that your crush had maybe, perhaps, possibly, creeped back up a while back. It didn't help that no one you knew was aware of your sensitive state when it came to intimate contact. This was intel you hadn't even let your best friend in on. Maybe if it had been someone else, you would've accepted the massage already. You knew it didn't have to be an intimate interaction, it was just the fact that Cheol would be doing it that made it seem that way to you. But you knew his feelings would be hurt if you denied him and went to someone else. You'd dragged it out for far too long, making such a simple thing way too complicated.
~
Cheol easily agreed to your request, seemingly excited to even have you around his workplace at all. It was cute, really. He let you know that his next booking would start in ten minutes or so, so you waited with him during his break. Despite not receiving a massage for yourself, he provided you with a robe to change into due to the humidity most of their rooms tended to have during a session.
"Are you sure it's okay that I'm here? Won't the client mind?"
"Nah. She's a regular, she tends to forget her own name five minutes in," he winked at you. Well, that was reassuring ..
The massage began soon after. The woman, probably in her early 40's, walked in, gave Seungcheol a friendly greeting and proceeded to lay down, barely even acknowledging your presence in the back of the room. Cheol gave some weak excuse of 'she's in training, just showing her the ropes' to justify your presence, earning an uninterested hum in acknowledgment from the woman before she had begun taking off her robe and gotten on the bed in preparation for her awaited session. She was't fully naked but had very thin underwear on, meaning you could practically see every detail from her back. Her face-down position gave you a perfect angle to her almost-bare ass as Seungcheol prepared the oils he had set on the table beside him. There was also some incense burning in the room, along with some steam to help with ambience.
The massage began very slowly, allowing Seungcheol to deliver very soft touches as he spread the oil around her back. He even went as far as the back of her legs and ass, reaching as far as her feet. The first few minutes simply consisted of him spreading the oil around. You hadn't known Seungcheol gave full body massages til now. Before having started the session, Cheol had told you 'Pay close attention. This is what I'll do to you when you agree.' Had he meant he'd be running his hands up and down your entire body? The thought made you shudder, almost missing the show in front of you.
His next movements were harsher, but in a clearly pleasurable way. He began to knead roughly at the woman's shoulders, making her groan at the pleasurable pain. He did this for a while, clearly having found a point of tension in that area. His thumbs focused on specific areas of tension that you were familiar with; the same areas you'd known your back had knots in. Even just seeing it made the sore parts of your back beg for release of tension. When he moved on, he targeted the upper center of her back, just below where her breasts were located on the opposite side of her body. He rubbed at the sides, sliding his hands up and down the length of her back as he massaged expertly. He continually used the extra strength of his thumbs to pressure and rub at the sore spots. He didn't even have to ask where it hurt, it seemed like he could just detect it on his own. This was clearly exerting the woman, as she moaned and sighed at the feeling of Seungcheol's hands on her. It was clearly exerting Seungcheol too, who was letting out groans from his own efforts.
You imagined yourself in her position, wanting to be the sole receiver of his touches and sounds. You felt ashamed, but the act was making your body heat up. You knew it was purely innocent, and with the purpose of relaxation, but you couldn't help yourself. You wanted to blame the humidity in the room, or maybe the cozy material of your robe, but there was only one culprit; Choi Seungcheol. You had been right to believe that his touch would be your undoing. Simply hearing him was enough to make you lightheaded. You had lost track of where the massage had went, only thinking about the man in the room now. You cursed your vivid imagination for the images it was putting in your head just at the mere sounds coming from your friend.
The massage continued for a while, eventually sending the woman into a deep slumber. Cheol kept re-applying oil to her back throughout the session, even lowering his hands all the way to knead at her ass and the back of her legs during some points. That made you extra lightheaded. Not just at the thought of Seungcheol touching you in the same way, but knowing he'd have the magic touch able to release the tension trapped all over your back. You couldn't blame the woman for the sounds she made or the way she fell asleep due to the pleasure. You could only imagine your own reaction at Seungcheol doing the same to you. Even just seeing the way he rubbed at the skin had your back aching for the same release of pressure from the tightest spots on your back.
You were still slightly affected by the time the woman had woken up and left, leaving you and Cheol alone in the room, promising Seungcheol she'd be back soon as she exited. He approached you with a smile, clearly proud of having shown you his skills in action.
"So, what did you think?"
"I, uh, you're really good, Cheol. I'm surprised."
"Surprised? I've been telling you I'm the best for months! C'mon, there's no way you don't want a massage after seeing that," he rebutted, smirking with confidence.
You remained silent for a second, pondering as to whether or not you should move forward with this. He was right. He was clearly talented at it, and he really just wanted to help. Your aching back was begging for it, and so were the other aching parts of your body. But you didn't know if you could hold back without embarrassing yourself at your best friend's hands on you in such an intimate way.
Your best friend must've taken notice of your silence, speaking up again, but in a more serious yet sympathetic manner.
"Listen. I know you can be a bit .. shy about these things. If it helps, we can just set up at my apartment? I have a massage bed there too! It would just be the two of us. C'mon, what do you say?", he gave you puppy eyes as he usually did when asking for something.
He was always hard to deny. And in this vulnerable moment, with your back begging for relief and your body aching for his touch, you weren't surprised when you found yourself muttering a 'yes' in affirmation.
A few days passed. You and Cheol ended up having to coordinate your days off. It had actually been almost a full week until you were able to see each other again, which for you meant yet another week of grueling pain you had to put up with. You were really beginning to consider putting an end to the overtime you'd been working. Maybe after the massage you could begin to work less hours in order to lessen the pain. Maybe even take Cheol up on his offer of getting a standing appointment to lessen the pain more and more and prevent it from coming back again. It was something to think about. But now you had better things to worry about. Those things taking form in the man standing on the opposite side of the door in front of you.
You had agreed on today, a Saturday night, in order for you to come to his apartment and receive the dreaded massage. Cheol had worked all day today, which made you feel a bit bad about making him basically step back into his work duties but this time at home. He reassured you it was more than fine, reasoning that you'd worked all week and he had just wanted to work around your busy schedule. You appreciated his efforts to work with you, having always known Cheol to put your comfort before anything else. Which was yet another reason why you felt badly at receiving this favor from him. To anyone else it might've just been a massage, but you knew that to Cheol this was a service he was used to getting paid for, a talent which he put effort into. You felt like both like a leech and like a source of annoyance due to this whole ordeal.
You put all your thoughts aside and knocked on the door, knowing it was now time to forget about all your worries and just let Seungcheol take care of you. He opened the door almost immediately, almost as if he'd been waiting on the other side of it, ear against the door while your internal monologue went off in your head.
"You're here!", he smiled widely at you, ushering you in.
"You invited me, Cheol. I wasn't about to ditch you."
"But you thought about it, didn't you?", he kinda had you there. You did consider it, but you knew your best friend would've tracked you down sooner or later anyways.
"Listen, I know you're nervous, but there's nothing to be nervous about! I'll take care of you. It won't be awkward, I swear," despite having never told him of your lack of experience with touch, you always assumed he had some idea of it. He didn't know the full story, though. Not about the fact that your issue with the massage was being touched by him; the former source of your desires.
"It's .. it's fine, Cheol. I'm not nervous, I promise. Just don't know what to expect, that's all."
"I'll guide you through it. I set out the massage table for you in my room. I have the oils ready too. Oh! Did you bring a bikini to change into?"
Right. Last time you spoke he had asked you to bring either a bikini or some comfortable underwear. He's said something about needing your body as nude as possible ('within your comfort zone!', he'd quickly added) in order to give you a full massage. He also said the oils he used had a tendency of staining and leaving their strong fragrance on most fabrics. It was usually spa policy to provide customers with robes and such for their sessions, but being located in his home at the moment, he'd asked you to just bring your bikini directly.
You didn't feel any type of way about this, surprisingly. Having known Seungcheol for years, he'd seen you in a bikini as many times as you'd seen him shirtless and in very tiny swim trunks. The one thing, however, was the thought of him touching your bare skin, but it was too late to back out - not that you wanted to anyways.
"Y-yeah, it's in my bag. Did you wanna start right away or ..?"
"Yeah! Go get ready and I'll start preparing the oils for you. I'll also light some incense for ambience," and with that, he left you alone in the living room so that you could change without interruption. He went into his room to prepare things, closing the door to allow you some privacy.
You had chosen your skimpiest bikini. Not for any inferior motives! But because you knew Cheol needed access to your bare skin as much as possible. Your lower lower back had been killing you lately. Even more so than your shoulders, due to sitting all day every day. So you wanted to give him room to take care of that without any clothing getting in the way. You hastily got changed, deciding that you'd already waited long enough and that it was time to get this over with.
'Are you ready?", you heard Cheol ask from his room a few minutes later.
Ok, it was time. Anyone else would've been ecstatic at the thought of their crush rubbing all over their body, or at the idea of a free full-body massage. But you were too high-strung for your own good, which only increased your anxiety over the whole thing. However, you were now here, almost in the nude, only one door away from the man who would rid you of your pain and replace it with pleasure.
You stepped into the room without verbalizing a response, immediately meeting eyes with an expectant Cheol, who was organizing his oils as he awaited your arrival. He'd outdone himself, really. He had lowered the lighting in the room, lighting a few candles and some incense in order to turn up the spa ambience. The place smelled divine, and even the temperature was perfect. You could already feel yourself getting relaxed.
"Cheol, holy shit. This is too much. You didn't have to go so out of your way. This looks like an actual spa!"
"Only the best for my best friend," he gave his gummy smile in return, eyeing you as he directed you towards the massage table that was standing in the middle of the room. "You ready?"
"Yeah," you breathed out, accepting his stretched hand as he helped position you on the table.
He laid you face down on the table, but with your head turned to the side, as to not squish your features against the flat surface, "Try not to think too much, yeah? It'll feel so good, I promise. I'm gonna get rid of all tension in your body," the way he'd said it sounded promising, almost hinting at something more.
Without much warning, he began to softly run his hands up and down your body, going from your shoulders all the way down to your calves, almost as if sizing you up in order to come up with a game plan for your massage. Even that feather-like touch had you flinching a little. You'd never been caressed like this before.
"Shit, you're very high-strung. Even more than I thought," he chuckled in response to your body's reaction to such light touch.
"Cheol ..." you whined.
"Sorry. I'll start now, okay? You're gonna feel a little warm in a second. I'm gonna oil you up so it's easier for me to massage you, yeah? I picked my favorite scented oils for you."
You were thankful for the warning, because the warmth you felt immediately after made you swoon internally. You almost moaned out loud at the feeling of his hands lightly rubbing the oil all over your body. You were already affected and he hadn't even begun. It didn't take him long to actually start, however. He began with your neck, almost wrapping his hands all around it, but not closing them in on it. His thumbs were focusing on the lower part of the back of your neck, rubbing at spots you hadn't even realized were that sore.
"You're so tense, Jesus Christ," he was right. You could feel instant relief at his touch, pressing your body further into the soft material of the cushion of the table in pure relaxation.
He rubbed that area for a while, seemingly trying to target the knots located there. He then moved onto your shoulders, beginning to rub a little harder. He began to dig his thumbs into the problem areas, going extra hard at any points of tension. With this extra strength, also came his vocalization of his efforts. His groans of exertion began to fill the room, making you feel even more lightheaded than the massage itself.
"Shit, Baby. You're so fucking tight here."
The wording itself was killing you, but the way he touched you while doing it made you melt into the table, afraid you'd begin to vocalize your pleasure through the form of moans or whines. So far you'd been able to get away with soft breaths and maybe a gasp or two. But you knew that the moment you let go, you wouldn't be able to control the way your body would react to his touch. You were slightly terrified of what would come the lower he went down your body.
Then he threw you yet another curveball.
He leaned down, halting his movements for a moment, and put his mouth a few inches from your ear, "I can feel you tensing up. It's okay, I'll take care of you. You can relax for me."
You saw that as a green light to let go, whining a tiny 'uh huh' in response as he continued his movements.
He went lower and lower, now rubbing your lower back; the area right before the slope of your ass began, but he was quickly approaching it. Every area he had touched so far, he had undone. You felt like your back had been liberated of the huge weight it had been carrying for years. You were whining and moaning at the pleasure he was giving you, and also at the feel of his hands on your body. You felt yourself get wetter by the minute, having started to feel moisture down there from the moment he began massaging you. You were ashamed, but his touch so close to your biggest point of tension was driving you insane. You wanted him to forget about the massage and just flip you over.
"Okay, baby. Now I'm gonna do your ass, okay? Trust me, I know it sounds dumb, but a lot of people carry a lot of tension here"
He was right once again. As he massaged the muscle, you felt tension you didn't even know you had finally unwind. He repositioned you a bit, asking you to lift one of your legs to the side and let it hang a bit off of the side of the table. This angle lifted up your ass a bit, and disconnected your crotch from the table. You were slightly embarrassed, knowing that if he looked through a certain angle he'd be able to see you glisten with desire for him, but you chose to ignore it and hope for the best. Cheol was already helping you so much.
He continued for a few moments, occasionally going down and rubbing lightly at the back of your thighs and calves before coming back up to your lower back and butt. But he suddenly stopped at some point. You could've sworn you heard an intake of breath.
"Hey .. I'm gonna try a special technique. Is that okay?"
You were almost completely gone in pleasure by then, eyes becoming heavier by the minute. You didn't even have to think before saying yes.
You felt him lean his body more over the table, and also a bit over the lower half of your body. He was still just massaging your lower back with one hand, while making you bend your leg a little higher than before. You weren't sure what he meant by special technique, but you were down for anything had in mind. Except you hadn't expected what he would do next.
Having bent your leg forward, he had given himself the perfect angle of your pussy from behind, deciding to let his hand slip between your legs and run his fingers lightly over your folds. You gasped at this, repositioning yourself a bit to give him even more access. He took this as a welcoming sign, starting to run his hands up and down your pussy, stopping once in a while to rub at your swollen clit.
"Baby .. You're so tense here .. Let me help you? Yeah?" He said this as he continued to increase the intensity of his movements, rubbing more and more at your clit.
"Y-yes. Fuck. Please, Cheol ..." you whined, giving him permission to do whatever he wanted to you.
You yelped at his next movements. He had shoved his fingers inside with no warning, leaning down to kiss softly at your ass while he fingered you. The speed of his fingers wasn't too fast, but it was deep and calculated, dragging across all the places you needed him most. He was right, you did feel tense there, but his movements were relaxing you like nothing else could.
"Is it working, baby? Am I making you feel good?"
You'd buried your face into one of your arms, but still managed to squeak out a "yes!" in affirmation.
"Just 'yes', baby? We can do better than that, don't you think? I think I have something to rid you of all your tension ..." you could hear the smirk in his voice as he said this, feeling him finally remove the tiny piece of fabric between your legs.
He positioned his body a little further over the lower half of the table, lowering his face to the space between your cheeks in order to get his tongue on your pussy. He began to lick and suck softly, keeping a pace similar to that of his fingers just a few seconds ago. The pleasure was blinding you, causing you to lightly grind against his face, wanting as much pleasure as you could milk out of him. He seemed to like this, as he lifted his hands and placed them on your hips, guiding your grinding against him and taking on an even better angle.
All that could be heard were the moist sounds of his tongue on your heat and your cries of pleasure. The massage had been fully forgotten. All you could think about was your best friend's tongue and the way his groans against your pussy were making you lose your mind. It seemed like this was bringing him as much satisfaction as it did you.
"Ch-Cheollie! Right there! Fuck!", he'd begun to suckle at your clit, wanting you to finally reach your high and bring you as much pleasure as imaginable.
"Cum all ove' my face baby! wann' taste that pretty pussy," his words were muffled. He seemed physically incapable of separating himself from you.
You came almost immediately, loving the vibrations of his groans against you. You fell completely limp, being rendered a shell of yourself. The whole thing had felt like an out of body experience. From the massage to the life-changing orgasm. You were convinced there was no greater pleasure than what you'd felt in the past half hour. But Seungcheol seemed to disagree, instantly pulling you towards him and sitting you on the table, your body now facing his.
He had untied your bikini top earlier into the massage, which you hadn't minded since you were facing down and away from his view anyways, but now you were grateful he had. He was making direct eye contact with your tits, almost as if pondering as to what to do with them. He seemed to reach a decision, however, and attacked them with his lips with intense fervor, licking and biting at your swollen buds. He had you moaning out in pleasure again. It was as if he'd studied your body without you knowing, being an expert in all your weak spots.
He made out with your tits for a while, making your eyes roll back at the feeling of his tongue against your sensitive nipples. When he pulled away, he instantly began undressing himself at record speed. He had just been wearing shorts and a loose top, which made the process pretty quick. Immediately after getting himself nude, he positioned you so that you could wrap your legs around his waist from your position sitting on the table. He dragged you as close to him as possible by your legs, pressing your chests together.
He looked down at you while running his hands up and down your back, which was still slightly sticky with oil. He seemed to be in a trance, just looking at you with an endeared expression in his eyes, "You're so beautiful. Your body's so ... fuck. Can't believe you've been in pain for so long, baby. When I could've been taking care of you all this time," he had began to kiss along your neck and clavicles as he said this.
"Cheollie .." you breathed out, tilting your neck to the side to allow him extra space to kiss.
"Can I take care of you, baby? Let me get rid of all your tension?", he'd started grinding his bare hips against yours, having pushed open your legs in order to allow himself to drag his dick against your cunt.
Even just the weight of his cock against you had you whining, burying your face in his neck, not knowing how to react at the stimulation. You'd already felt the most pleasure when Cheol buried his tongue in your cunt, or so you'd thought. But that did not hold a candle to the feeling of his fat head as it nudged against your folds. You began to whine and writhe against him, hands digging into his arms as he ground against you. Until he nudged your head away from his neck, wanting to face you. He halted his movements altogether and looked into your eyes for a few moments, a small smile gracing his lips. His eyes began to lower, now staring directly at your lips. Your eyes mirrored his. It was a tender moment in the midst of what had just now been a mess of grinding bodies and oil. When he finally kissed you was when you truly felt relief. No massage could have compared to the bliss you felt with your best friend's lips against your own. The softness of the kiss didn't last much, however, as the movements of his hips picked back up and the kiss began to become more moist by the second.
Cheol took advantage of your soft gasps at the feeling of his cock against your cunt to slip his tongue in your mouth, expertly massaging yours with his. This went on for a bit, allowing for Cheol to stimulate you with some kissing and dry humping, further preparing you to take him free of pain. He was a little larger in size than average, and with the very limited experience he had asserted you to have, he wanted to prevent you from feeling any pain. He had wanted tonight to be nothing but pleasure for you, knowing how badly you've been needing some relaxation, and maybe with the slight ulterior motive of finally getting with his pretty bestie.
He unglued himself from your lips, chuckling at the way you whined as your lips followed his, "Baby, I'm gonna fuck you now, yeah? Wanna see you fully relaxed. That okay?"
"Mhm. Yes, Cheollie. Do anything you want. Trust you," you mumbled in response, head filled with air as you barely caught your breath from the overload of pleasure you'd felt tonight.
With that, he began to enter you, bulbous head showing a bit of a fight in entering your tight walls. You both let out a moan of relief when he finally bottomed out, almost as if you'd both been craving this for a while. He fucked you with a passion only someone who wanted you the way you wanted him would. You'd thought you'd reached the utmost pleasure when Cheol had you cumming against his tongue, but nothing could ever compare to being full of him as he praised you through every thrust, calling you every possible adjective to describe your beauty.
"B-baby! So fucking good. So pretty for me .. Gonna fuck you all night. Gonna fuck you to sleep. All mine now," he began canting in and out of you with even more intensity now, making sure to hit that spot with every thrust.
"Cheollie!"
"I know, baby. Gonna cum for me? Gonna let me fill that pussy up, aren't you, pretty?"
It didn't take long for you to cum, already feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions at every type of pleasure Seungcheol had delivered to you tonight. He followed soon after you, yelling out your name at the tightening of your walls around him. He breathed heavily as he leaned against you for a minute or two, only then moving away from you in order to get a towel and begin to clean you up.
"Sorry .. was that too much?", he smiled sheepishly as you seemed to wince when he attempted to clean you up between your thighs.
"No! It was perfect, just ... not really used to it, that's all."
"Okay, baby. If you say so. Now let me take you to bed!", with no warning, he picked you up and brought you over to his bed, completely ignoring the mess he'd caused on his massage table after having fucked you on it. He laid you down, cocooning you into his blankets before rushing to the other side of the bed and holding you in his arms.
He turned to look at you as he cradled your body against his, "Do you feel better now? Still sore?", the question seemed genuine.
"No, Cheollie. I feel amazing. I've never felt this good before, actually."
"That good, huh? I told you I was the best! But don't worry, baby. Gonna keep your appointment every week like I promised. Gonna keep you in my bed every time you're feeling sore, yeah, baby? Don't even have to ask, I'll be waiting for you," he chuckled at himself as he said this, but being completely serious.
"Will you give me your special treatment again?," you giggled against his lips.
"That's for you and you only, baby," he replied as he closed the gap between you once more.
a/n: ok i mightve made reader a lil extra overdramatic this time but u guys have to understand. my back hurts like hell. so pls sympathize w reader bc shes lowkey my soul sister in that area 😭
#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#svt fanfic#seventeen#svt#svt x reader#seventeen smut#svt smut#seventeen imagine#seungcheol smut#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol x reader#scoups fanfic#scoups smut#scoups x reader
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Breaking up is hard to do!
synopsis: breaking up with the jjk men.
⚝characters: Gojo, Geto, Nanami
⚝content: heavy angst, gaslighting(Gojo's), depression (Suguru's), mutual breakup(Nanami's)
⚝wc: 3.5k
Satoru Gojo
“Yeah so then Yuji popped out of the crate and surprised them all! You should’ve seen it baby!” Satoru wheezes holding his stomach as he recalls the event from the day.
No matter how hard you try though, you can only muster a small smile.
It had become really hard to do much else recently. With the weight of the hundreds of tasks at work taking its toll. Satoru looks over at you, waiting for a laugh—but it doesn’t come.
“Hellooo? Everything alright princess?” He questions giving your hand a gentle squeeze.
“Mhmm!” You nod.
He looks at you for another moment, unreadable expression on his face. Satoru shifts, clearly expecting more from you. “You sure? You’ve been quiet tonight. That’s not like you,” he says, his voice still light, but there’s a hint of curiosity now.
You try to hold back the frustration, but it bubbles up anyway. “I’m just tired, Satoru.”
“Tired? Seriously?” he mutters, pulling his hand away. “You work, what, a nine-to-five? You act like you’re running yourself into the ground.”
You blink, taken aback by his dismissive tone. “Satoru, it’s not just about the hours. It’s everything piling up, and—”
“Piling up?” He cuts you off with a scoff, already reaching for his phone. “Why didn’t you just say something sooner? You know I could’ve hired someone to handle that for you. I’ve got the money. You shouldn’t be stressing over... whatever this is.”
The words sting. You knew his mind would go there. It always does—like money could just make the exhaustion disappear, like hiring someone to take care of the smaller details would magically solve everything.
“It’s not about the money, Satoru.” you snap, trying to hold onto your patience. “I don’t need someone else doing my job for me. I just... I need you to listen.”
He raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Listen? What do you expect me to say? You’re tired. I get it. But don’t act like you’re drowning when I could have fixed this a long time ago. Hell, I could’ve bought you time off or flown you somewhere. You're sittin' here sulking like I can’t take care of things.”
You clench your fists, the exhaustion now compounded by frustration. “It’s not about you fixing things, Satoru. Sometimes I just need support—not your money.”
He stares at you, eyes narrowing. “Right. So you want to feel miserable instead of letting me help. That’s real smart, princess.”
Your heart pounds in your chest as you shove clothes into your bag, the sound of zippers and drawers slamming echoing through the room. You can feel Satoru’s presence behind you, hovering, but you don’t stop. You can’t. Not after that.
“C'mon, princess.” he says, his voice exasperated, like he’s the one who's supposed to be annoyed. “What are you doing? Where do you think you’re going?”
You don’t answer, your hands moving faster, yanking more clothes off hangers, ignoring the sting behind your eyes. You’re so angry you can barely breathe.
“I’ll book us a trip,” Satoru tries again, a hint of desperation creeping into his usually arrogant tone. “How about Paris? We’ll stay at that five-star hotel you like, the one with the private balcony. You love that place.”
Your jaw clenches. “This isn’t about a vacation, Satoru,” you snap, stuffing the last of your things into the bag. “It’s not about your money or your fancy hotels.”
“Then what is it about?” he shoots back, his voice rising with frustration. “You’re acting like I haven’t given you everything. "What more do you want?"
You freeze, bag halfway zipped, your body trembling as you turn to face him. His icy blue eyes are wide, confused, and maybe even a little hurt, but you’re beyond caring. “I want you to see me!” you shout, the words tearing out of you, louder than you intended. “I don’t need you to throw money at the problem! I need you to actually understand what I’m going through!”
Satoru stares at you, speechless for once. His mouth opens, but no words come out. He looks almost... shocked, like he can’t comprehend that his money, his status, can’t fix this. That he can’t fix this.
“Do you even care?” you ask, your voice quieter now, but no less angry. “Do you care about how I feel? Or is it just easier for you to throw cash at me until I stop complaining?”
He’s silent, his gaze hardening as he crosses his arms. “I’m trying to help. What else do you want me to do?”
“I want you to listen!” You throw your hands up in frustration, feeling more alone than ever. “I don’t want your money. I don’t want trips or fancy dinners. I want you to care about me, Satoru. Not just the idea of me.”
His lips press into a thin line, but he says nothing. The silence is louder than any of his words.
As your hand grips the doorknob, ready to leave, Satoru’s voice cuts through the silence, sharp and bitter.
“Right, run off to Shoko’s.” he scoffs, his arms crossed defensively. “You always do this, don’t you? The moment things get tough, you bolt. Guess it’s easier to complain to her than actually deal with me.”
His words hit you like a punch to the gut, stopping you in your tracks. You turn slowly to face him, disbelief clouding your vision. He’s standing there, arms folded, arrogance in his posture.
“I always do this?” you repeat, your voice trembling with anger. “I’ve stayed through everything, Satoru!"
“You’re just like Suguru.” Satoru spits out, the words dripping with bitterness and desperation.
Your hand freezes on the handle. You weren’t expecting that. Slowly, you turn to look at him, and the mask of arrogance has cracked. His eyes are wild, wide with something close to panic. “Running away the moment things get hard,” he continues, his voice shaking slightly. “Is that it? Just gonna leave like he did?”
Your heart skips a beat, anger fading for a moment as something else stirs inside you. You’ve seen Satoru angry before, frustrated, even cold—but this? This is different.
“That’s not fair.” you say quietly, though the anger still simmers beneath the surface. “I’m not leaving because things are hard. I’m leaving because you’re not listening.”
Satoru’s eyes narrow, his lips pressing into a hard line. Then he snaps, his voice cutting through the tension like a blade, sharp and cold. “Well, fine. Go. I survived him abandoning me, I’ll survive you too.”
His words sting, burning through the air with a finality that makes your breath hitch. It’s a challenge, a defense—his way of masking the fear that’s clawing at him from the inside out. He’s pushing you away before you can leave, just like he’s done with everything else that’s threatened to crack his carefully controlled world.
You stand there, frozen for a moment, staring at him as his walls rise higher, shutting you out. This is what it’s come to. He’s too scared to let you in, too scared to admit that you leaving isn’t something he can just survive—that it’s something that terrifies him.
But he won’t say it. He won’t ask you to stay.
And that’s when you know.
Suguru Geto
You rest under the comfort of your blanket. How many days have you been in this bed? Three days? Four?
The world was just too much right now, and your room was the only security available. It had been a week since Suguru vanished without a word, leaving behind nothing but unanswered questions and broken trust. Principal Yaga’s words still echoed in your mind—a whole village slaughtered, his parents among the dead.
And not even a text.
You weren’t sure if he was even alive, maybe it would be better if he wasn’t. At least then you wouldn’t have to come to terms with the fact that the love of your life was now a wanted killer.
You took another tissue from the box, blowing into it and tossing the crumpled mess into the garbage can.
Satoru hadn’t responded either, was he okay? Did he know?
Your mind screamed for silence, for the thoughts to stop, but they kept coming, relentless.
“Angel?”
That voice… no it couldn’t be. You lower the covers from your face.
It was
“Hi baby...” his normally soothing voice does little to alleviate the ache in your chest.
“You…” your voice barely a whisper, threatening to break. “I thought you were dead.”
He moves closer, his footsteps barely making a sound on the floor, and you finally take him in. Despite everything, despite the horrors you’ve been told, he looks… normal.
How could he look so much like the Suguru you knew, the Suguru you loved, when everything inside of you was shattered?
Was this the same man who held you close? Whispered sweet nothings in your ear—promised to protect you with his life?
“It’s me, (Y/N).” he says softly, his voice cutting through the silence as if he had read your thoughts.
The tenderness in his tone feels like a knife twisting in your chest. How could he say that—so casually, so easily? Like everything was normal, like your world hadn’t come crashing down around you. You blink, trying to force the tears back, trying to find the right words, but nothing comes.
“Are you?” your voice is small, barely more than a whisper. Doubt lingers in every syllable.
He doesn’t respond to your question. Instead, his gaze softens, and without a word, he pulls the covers off of you. The cold air rushes over your skin, a stark contrast to the warmth you had buried yourself in, and for a moment you flinch, instinctively clutching the blanket before you let it slip from your fingers.
His eyes trace over your fragile form, and there’s something in them—a flicker of sympathy, regret, even—but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s the reason for your downward spiral. He knows it too. The weight of it presses on him, though he doesn’t say a word. Instead, he moves with a gentleness you hadn’t expected, sliding his arms under you and lifting you up as if you weighed nothing.
You want to protest, want to ask what he thinks he’s doing, but you’re too tired, too drained to fight. So you let him carry you. His arms are steady, and despite everything, you can’t help but melt in his embrace.
He takes you into the bathroom, the sound of running water filling the space as he sets you down gently. You can feel the cool tile under your feet as he kneels in front of the tub, turning the faucet on and testing the temperature.
You had so many things you wanted to say. You wanted to yell at him, curse him, ask him why. But you couldn’t.
He dips his hand under the stream, adjusting the temperature until it’s just right. His movements are deliberate, methodical, as if this is the only way he knows how to show you any kind of care right now.
You stand there, numb and silent, watching him. The man who destroyed your world, now kneeling before you, acting as though he can piece it back together with something as simple as a bath. It feels absurd, almost cruel, but at the same time, you don’t have the strength to stop him.
Suguru rises to his feet, his presence towering yet calm as he began to undress you. Gentle hands pulling his t-shirt off of you, the one you had been clinging onto for days.
His hands brush lightly against your skin as he lifts the shirt over your head, sending a shiver down your spine.
He had seen you in this state before, many times. But this….this was different.
Suguru guides you to the shower, washing your body with a gentleness you missed so deeply.
You close your eyes, letting him take care of you, even though you don’t understand why or how he can. The silence between you grows heavier with every passing second, filled with words unspoken and emotions too tangled to sort out.
Finally, you speak, your voice barely audible over the sound of the water. “Why are you here, Suguru?”
His hand pauses for a moment, the washcloth resting against your skin. You can feel the weight of his gaze on you, but when he answers, his voice is low, steady, like he’s speaking more to himself than to you.
“Because I….I love you” His voice almost too quiet, as if he’s afraid to say the words out loud.
“Then why, Suguru?” your voice trembles, almost breaking under the weight of your next words. “Is it true? You killed those people?”
The washcloth falls from his hand, splashing into the water as the silence between you deepens. He doesn’t speak right away, and the hesitation in his silence is an answer in itself.
You swallow hard, the air thick with the weight of the truth you already know but can’t bear to accept.
“They were… in the way,” he finally admits, his voice low, almost hollow.
You step out of the shower, the warm water sliding off your skin in slow rivulets. Without thinking, you reach for the towel, wrapping it tightly around yourself like armor.
This isn’t the man you loved, the one who spoke of protecting the weak, of valuing life. Yet, there’s something so heartbreakingly familiar in the way he says it—like a twisted version of the Suguru you knew, now wrapped in darkness.
“But those were people, Suguru,” you say, your voice fragile, as if you’re trying to reach the man you once knew beneath the monster he’s become. “Innocent people. How could you…?”
He takes a deep breath, stepping closer to you, his hand brushing against your skin, cold and distant. “Because this world is broken.” he murmurs. “And I need to fix it. I had to do it. Can’t you see that? We—sorcerers—we’re meant for something greater. And they… they were holding us back.”
You shake your head, tears brimming in your eyes. “I don’t understand, Suguru. I don’t understand any of this.”
He steps closer, his hand cupping your face gently, as though trying to reassure you with his touch. "Come with me." he whispers, his voice softer now, pleading. “Run away with me. Together, we can build something new. You don’t have to be a part of this broken world anymore. We can leave it all behind.”
Before you can respond, his lips press against yours, a kiss that’s both gentle and urgent, as though he’s trying to pour every unsaid word, every plea, into this one moment. It’s the Suguru you remember—the Suguru who once made you feel safe, loved.
But the reality of who he’s become crashes down on you.
You pull away, your hands pressed firmly against his chest, creating a wall between you. “No.” you whisper, your voice breaking. “I can’t.”
For a moment, Suguru just stands there, staring at you, his dark eyes searching yours for something—some kind of understanding, some sign that you’ll change your mind. His hand lingers on your cheek, his touch softer now, almost hesitant, as though he’s trying to hold on to whatever connection is left.
But then, slowly, he withdraws, his hand falling back to his side. He straightens up, his expression hardening as he steps away from you, giving you the space you so desperately need. The softness in his eyes fades, replaced by the cold determination you’ve seen before.
“You’ll see,” he says, his voice quiet, but there’s a sharp edge to it now. “One day, you’ll understand. When you see what I’ve seen, when you finally understand the truth about this world—you’ll come around. I know you will.”
His words hang heavy in the air, and without another glance, he turns and walks toward the door, leaving you standing alone, trembling in the silence.
Nanami Kento
Kento was an honest man. There was nothing he ever kept from you. Other people might view him as a hard shell, but you could read him like a book.
So when he came to bed that night, holding you just a little tighter than usual—you knew something was up.
You shifted slightly in his embrace, his grip tightening instinctively as if he feared you might slip away.
“Kento?” you asked softly, your voice breaking the stillness of the room.
“I’ve decided to talk to Gojo tomorrow.” he said quietly, his voice steady but with a hint of resolve. “I want to return to being a sorcerer.”
The words hung in the air, sinking into you like lead. You stiffened, a sharp sting blooming in your chest as you processed his decision.
“Are you seriously considering this?” Your voice trembled with a mix of hurt and disbelief. “You know what that life entails. You’ve seen the consequences. Are you really willing to go back to that danger?”
Kento’s silence was heavier than any response he could have given. His arms, though still holding you close, seemed distant now, as if they were reaching out from across a chasm of uncertainty.
“I’ve thought it through,” he said finally, though his tone lacked the conviction he tried to project. “I need to do this for myself. I can’t keep pretending I’m satisfied with where I am.”
The last words echoed in your ears their weight sinking deep into your heart. “So you’re not satisfied with me?” you whispered, barely able to speak past the knot forming in your throat.
Kento’s eyes widened in shock. “No, that’s not what I meant—”
“Then what is it, Kento?” you demanded, frustration and hurt sharpening your words. “We have something good here. You have a good job. You left Jujustu High for a reason! What about Haibara—”
At the mention of Haibara, Kento’s face hardened. His eyes, which had been searching for the right words, now burned with anger and frustration. “Don’t.”
Your eyes widen at his tone. He sighs, trying to catch himself. “This…isn’t about him, or his fate. It’s about my own path, my own choices. You think I’m risking everything without knowing the cost?”
“And what do you expect me to do, Kento?” Your voice cracked, raw emotion rising as you slid out of bed, unable to lie still any longer. “Sit at home and worry about you? Not knowing if you’re going to come back in one piece? I can’t live like that! I can’t live every day with the fear that you might not come back, that you might be hurt or worse?”
The silence that followed was suffocating. You paced the room, your emotions boiling over, while Kento sat still, his gaze following you but offering no solace.
“You’re asking me to accept a life where every day is a gamble with your safety!” You stopped, turning to face him, your chest heaving with emotion. “How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to pretend everything’s okay when the reality is that you might not come back to me? This isn’t just about you, Kento. It’s about us, our future!”
Kento ran a hand through his blond locks, frustration etched into every line of his face. “I’m not asking you to pretend it’s okay. I’m asking you to understand that this is something I need to do for myself, even if it means risking everything.”
You blinked, tears blurring your vision as his words sank in. “And what if everything we have is the cost?”
The question lingered, echoing in the space between you. Kento rose from the bed, standing tall before you, but the weight of the moment seemed to bow his shoulders.
He stepped closer, his hands trembling slightly as they cupped your face. His eyes, filled with a deep sadness, searched yours, looking for understanding that he knew might never come. “I love you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “You need to know that.”
You shook your head, your voice breaking. “But that isn’t enough… is it? It never will be…”
There was a heavy silence between you, the weight of your words pressing down on both of you.
“I… can’t watch you throw your life away, Kento.”
He took a deep breath, the sound heavy with resignation. "Then… we’ve both made our decision."
His hands, which had held you with such tenderness, felt distant as you pulled away. You took a step back, a sob catching in your throat.
He opens his mouth, but no words come out with a trembling breath, he stepped forward and gently pulled you into his arms. The embrace was tender, filled with the weight of finality.
He buried his face in the curve of your neck, inhaling your scent one last time as if trying to imprint it into his memory. The warmth of his body, once a comfort, now felt like a dagger in your chest.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered, his voice strained. The words were barely audible, but the sentiment hung heavy in the air.
Kento lingered for a moment, his hand sliding from your back to gently cup your face. His thumb brushed away the tear you hadn’t realized had fallen, and his expression softened with a promise you weren’t sure either of you could believe.
“I’ll come back,” he whispered, his voice strained but resolute. “Somehow… I’ll find my way back to you. One day.”
You clung to him for a moment longer, feeling the ache of goodbye in every fiber of your being, before he slowly pulled away. Leaving you.
#kbwrites#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk x reader#gojo satoru#nanami kento#geto suguru#jjk gojo#jjk geto#jjk nanami#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#nanami x reader#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#geto x reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#gojo angst#nanami angst#geto angst
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applying for jobs :(
#applied for a public service job for neurodivergent people#which so. public service jobs ALL require an ''applicant response'' so they want you to write like a page of bullshit#no cover letter but anyway i spent like 40 minutes doing that#and then they want some kind of proof of disability which like. ok. but i had to go and look through all my files#like physical files. finally found a letter to get me accommodations in highschool#anyway i was planning to apply for 2 jobs today so i was on linkedin looking for one of hte quick apply ones#saw another gov job digitising natural history specemins#specimins#specimens?? there we go#which i would LOVE to do. i have none of the qualifications but im gonna apply anyway#but it closes applications in 2 days so i gotta do that today as well i guess#even though its going to take ages also#its really annoying that technically i have 3 jobs right now but i still have centrelink pressuring me + im not making enough money to live#(2 kids' after school things so limited hours + art commission work)
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