#but its so much fucking work
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im so tired i just want to go home
#ive been doing this for so fucking long.#i havent lived at home for over two years#i havent even visited home for over a year#i just want to talk to my friends on here and actually talk to GOOD PEOPLE.#i get bullied every fucking day and im such a fucking target#my room got fucking trashed by someone who was supposed to be my best friend#and what a surprise! they were active in syscord LMFAOOO#‘ur almost 18 soon ur going to have to start deciding things for ur own’ until its the fact im deciding to go home once i turn 18#i hate my fucking life#my only reason for doing this still is so i can go home#but its so much fucking work#im so fucking tired#is this shit even worth it#<-#tw sui#all i do is be there for everyone else but everytime i try to take care of myself smth gets in the fucking eat#*way lol#whether it be myself or someone else#i never get a moment of peace#genuinely what did i do to deserve this#and on top of that i have chronic dissociation!#im sorry for the long vent lmfao#vent
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god you just know simon likes it messy. he likes it when you're a drooling, crying mess; hiccupping once in a while because it's so hard to breathe when you're plugged with his cock. he loves holding a heavy hand on the back of your head and forcing you to stay still with his cock down your throat. you're more subdued now, used to his width, but his thighs are full of angry welts from when you were scratching him, trying to pull away. spit bubbles from the corner of your mouth where your lips are left as tight rings, swollen and bruised when simon used you like a toy, bullying all of himself in.
and thing is, he'd be so quiet throughout. ever so watching, attentive and tactile, but quiet. like a hunter stalking.
#oral fixation goes crazy#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley smut#suns#using work time and laptop for this bc fuck work. its been so much worse this week
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king and harbinger, old and young
#hi sorry i havent been animating much cuz. i didnt fucking want to#i have my major work animations to work on so its kind of. drained the fun out of it#but this doctor who audio killed me the fuck dead so uh here#spoop combining his interests again…. who woulda thunk….#lmk#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk fanart#lmk mk#lmk sun wukong#sun wukong#qi xiaotian#qi xiaotian fanart#honestly this is less of a father/son thing and more just. kinship. if that makes sense#they are alike and wukong takes a sort of refuge in that he is not the only one out there#idk how to explain it ahsbdbjdf#also in my head this is set before mk is left at pigsy’s doorstep. idk man idk
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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thoughts on being engaged to duke!sunday, the head of the oak family, an incredibly influential figurehead within society, the close subordinate of emperor gopher wood who brought him and his sister in and raised him like his own, and the villain who faces a tragic ending in a novel you recently finished — the very same one you just so happen to find yourself transmigrated into. he is as cunning as he is blinded, a trait which brought ruin to many in the empire, and one which ultimately brought ruin to himself at the hands of the protagonists.
as luck would have it, you became a barely mentioned side character from a marquis family, whose role was to be the villain's wife stuck in a one-sided love who, too, would get caught up in the tragedy alongside him. however, now that it's you who is stuck in this position, you're determined to try any means necessary to deter him from going down that path, all in an effort to escape your predestined doomed fate!
of course, you didn't expect it to be easy. the day of your arrival in this world was already the night before your wedding, so you had little time to prepare yourself for the nonchalance of your supposed family, how they viewed you as but a means — a tool — to boost their influence and prosperity, the dismissive mannerisms of the household servants, and the absolute beauty of a man you will be married to.
(seriously. the novel descriptions did not do him justice. he was like... like... like he was handcrafted by god himself! and not to mention his sister, robin, was the very epitome of an angel! perhaps you're destined to perish by the god-tier visuals instead...)
to say the least, the wedding ceremony went by quickly. safe to say you didn't spend the night; he was cordial and gentlemanly upon letting you know that he won't do anything until you're ready, that you can take this relationship slow, but somehow you ended up feeling a tad insulted. like, who leaves their newly wedded alone in a big cold bed as they walk out on their own? a sick bastard that's who!
well, whatever. it's not like you need nor want to consummate with him! besides, you have bigger things to worry about — things such as your impending death. and, of course, the only way to stop sunday that you can imagine working is by chipping away at his resolve bit by bit, and opening his eyes to reality.
he is a tragic character, one who cares more about the well-being of penacony and its people than anyone else, but was manipulated into getting his hands dirty in the emperor's stead. you knew this. you sobbed over his story, cursed out the protagonists, and even fought internet randos on novel forums about sunday's motivation and how,
no, he is not just a stupid villain. he is a complex character with flaws and humanity and was cruelly taken advantage of by someone he considered family. he was deceived through the suffering the emperor wanted him to see to make him easily manipulated, creating a rift between him and robin to have that prominent separation. you know what? maybe you're just a !%#@ who can't even #@?"% read properly!
and yet you still find yourself at a loss when faced with the walls he has in place. your initial efforts went as well as it possibly could have; you trying to earnestly help him, while he "kindly" dismisses your offers! well, "kindly" being more condescending since you could read between the lines of his mannerisms and amiable demeanour, but that's fine! you expected this! that just means you have to double down on your sincerity, get through to his heart (somehow), and help him realise humanity isn't as weak as he's led to believe!
you have three years until the novel's plot officially starts, and another year after that until your demise. that's plenty of time to get him to warm up to you!
it was easier said than done, but after your valiant effort and abundance of time put into this relationship, which admittedly you could do with some of that lost time back, you could give yourself a pat on the back with the progress you made! while you definitely could have done without a lot of the headaches, it's safe to say sunday has significantly warmed up to you in comparison to your wedding day. he now willingly eats all his meals with you with some real conversation, takes garden strolls with you in the early evenings, invites you out for dinner at a restaurant at least four times a week, hell he's even joked and laughed with you more frequently! but most importantly, he has begun asking for your opinion before finalising any decisions he is required to make. and he actually listens and considers your side! now, that certainly is the best outcome you could hope for after all this time, and it most definitely will help in your endeavour to save you both from the protagonists!
however, you've noticed he's been more... affectionate? well, at the very least he now willingly holds your hand when in private (not just in moments when you're in the public eye and he has to make sure the family's reputation is spotless), sometimes he will hug you out of the blue ("i just need to... recharge. you have a way of calming me down. i hope you don't mind." ...how could you say no to his supreme god-tier face card? that's just a losing battle you won't even bother fighting against.), oftentimes he opts to just gaze wordlessly at you (robin had mentioned over one of your tea times how it almost appears as though there is no one but you in the world when sunday gazes at you with, in her words, "the eyes of a man so deeply in love!" ...whatever that's supposed to mean...), but a more recent development has been his sudden interest in kissing you; well, more specifically giving you a kiss to the back of your hand or on your forehead — certainly not anywhere near the lips! (besides, he's probably just gotten comfortable with you, enough where he can freely act without judgement. nothing more, nothing less.)
well, either way, development is development! soon enough, the time for the main plot to start has arrived. it of course follows what you remember, from the organised balls to the protagonists meeting to the political aspects of it all. the only difference is sunday's less active involvement in all the schemes and the emperor's ploy. rather, he seems more focused on you and the future of your marriage and even displayed a sudden interest in your practically non-existent relationship with one of the foreign diplomats, aventurine— wait...
"[name]," he calls your name out so sweetly you nearly disregarded it as someone else he was talking to. well, perhaps you would have done had he not suddenly appeared before you, a tight-lipped smile tugging the corners of his lips as he steadily approaches you.
oh. he doesn't seem very happy, if his tense figure is anything to go by. you wonder if one of the nobles grated his nerves a little too much this time?
sunday comes to a halt a step away from you. "i don't like that... gambler being so close to you. it... it brings me a rather unpleasant feeling." there's a slight, trembling pause. not a moment later does he close the gap between you, one knee on the ground as he matches your seated height on the fountain rim, your hands gently enclosed in both of his.
you idly wonder if this is what robin meant by the so-called "eyes of a man so deeply in love" she constantly gushed about, for the way in which he gazes up at you is enough to render you breathless.
"tell me, [name]," he begins once more. there is an underlying desperation woven within his tone, one which has your head spinning and heart thumping wildly as his trembling gaze holds you in place. "tell me, what am i to do with this fervent love and overwhelming adoration i hold for you?"
oh.
...oh.
perhaps your impending doom should be the least of your concerns when you now find yourself in the arms of a clingy husband...
(though, it's safe to say you did, in fact, manage to prevent him from succumbing to his tragic fate! you just gained a loving, yet slight slightly emotionally challenged husband along the way.
well, you can help him work through it; you have the rest of your lives now to figure it out, after all.)
#sophie talks : concepts <3#sunday x reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#guys i put too much work and brainpower into this just to be kept on the blog i needed to let it outhl#sighs i need to write a proper long one shot of this or like a (mini) series bc the brainworms.... are brainworming#mainly bc there are sooo many plot points i could incorporate#like… gopher uses u as a bargaining chip bc he notices sunday not being as active as well as his growing feelings for u and wants to#manipulate the beginnings of his development before it gets too far#cue u snapping him out of it or opening his eyes to humanity by fighting back or smth#anyway barks at manhwa tragic duke villain manipulated sunday x transmigrated a lil dense saviour complex reader + arranged marriage#also this turned out way longer than the 2 paragraphs i had in mind what the fuck#hes a tad unhinged but tbh why wouldnt he be 🧍♀️#also i spent like 2 hours on this and its nearly 4 am so... eepy time.... dreaming of this sunday.... honk shoo honk shoo...
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EDIT: someone wrote a fic based off of this and im holding you all at gun point to read it rn
i did noooottt mean for this to be as long as it is lmao!! I LOVE THESE PINK BITCHES !!!!!
and their. questionable father
#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#trolls#viva#poppy#doodling#ive been debating whether i should write fic or draw comics bc the royal pop fam has been invading my brain ever since#i watched the movies. but i decided i do what i want so why not both#. so maybe expect something similar in ao3 if i ever get off my butt to finish that#OR MORE COMICS YIPPIEEEEEE#its also so funny bc i did write this first but then shit just got longer the more i worked on it I YAP TOO MUCH SO FUCK IT THE SISTERS#DO TOO
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worst way to start my new year, thanks. i have a lot of things to say about these companies but i'm tired and just keeping it focused to the pin side of things for this one. do not ever buy pins from these companies, literally ALL of them are stolen from small artists like me. if you want to buy enamel pins, check out etsy, and artist's personal websites and shops! (though even Etsy has some bootleg pins that ship straight from china, so tread carefully…)
Every pin I've designed is, thus far, EXCLUSIVE to my etsy. if you find it anywhere else, it's been ripped off! and once these stupid bootlegs pop up, it's basically a never ending game of whack-a-mole trying to get them all taken down...
#psa#art theft#pin theft#aliexpress#shein#wish#temu#deltarune#the bootleg pin is just over an inch tall. do you know how BAD this design looks at that size?? i'd know. i tested it.#they didn't even use the black nickel of the pin for the black parts of the design. and the listing says copper for some reason. what.#some people never even get their designs taken down. its really sad#so i might just have to deal with bootleg queens out there forever :( i hope nobody confuses the ripoffs for the real thing....#my pin is so much nicer! its almost two inches big and it has two posts on the back so it doesn't spin#because spinning pins are the bane of my existence#im out here working my ass off out of my bedroom in my parents place trying to make a living and here come these pricks#i watermarked all my listing photos exactly so they Couldn't steal my fucking pictures so at least there's that#my new years is just full of bad luck so far i hope this isn't a bad omen#if my registration isn't accepted by the aliexpress copyright department I'm SOL and this will just. stay up i guess#i'm sad#bootleggers kys
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it's been exactly a year since the last chapter of Operation Walburga's Arbitrary No Kissing Ever Rule and I still miss it. This scene is probably one of my favourite things I've ever written and I've wanted to draw it for forever, so now seemed like an appropriate time
#jegulus#jegulus fanart#marauders fanart#regulus black#james potter#james x regulus#marauders#regulus black fanart#james potter fanart#starchaser#sunseeker#regulus x james#marauders era#jegulus fanfiction#fic: operation wanker#hp#mine#my art#ngl this drawing specifically made me realise why i prefer writing over drawing#i think too much in concepts to be able to capture a scene in a way that i want#you cant draw the same thing from several perspectives at once if you dont wanna go for cubism#(tho honestly cubism fanart sounds like a concept i could get behind mmmmm)#anyway i stayed up far too fucking long to finish this in time for today (and by too long i mean until 8am too long)#because originally i had planned to start posting ritardando as my anniversary celebration. yk more fake dating and all that...#but alas i scrapped the whole thing so drawing happened instead#not 100% satisified with how this turned out cause i dont know how perspectives work. or people. or backgrounds outside. you get the idea#i really very much like the second one tho i think its very pretty
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doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#very specifically class swap bard!riz#fh class quangle#mm. I may need tags for all the asides Ive been doing lmao#riz's canon design is so coherent and thematically clean that I genuinely struggle to keep up...#bard!riz's whole thing is working out his identity through abject fear so it kiiiinda makes sense that hes got a different thing going#on every year I guess? like lmao the directive I go into each of these designs with changes vastly#freshman bard!riz has to look extremely nonthreatening. and also make you wanna pick him up and chuck him at a wall#annoyingly inoffensive. slides off your memory pretty much immediately. a void of an experience#crucially Does Not Show Teeth While Smiling#sophomore year bard!riz I have been keeping the like. cameraman direction for#I want him to be swimming in clothes a little bit... he kinda lands at like. 80s/90s shlocky horror protag too which I do like#bc what is season 2 to riz if not a horror story lmao#junior year bard!riz I want to be somewhere between clark kent and tintin#the journalist aesthetics is not so clear and easy to build as the detective or spy aesthetics...#but also I just. really like boy journalist lmao this is the BD blood speaking again#and! I actually do draw his hair differently than in my canon junior year riz stuff. its a bit shorter here so it doesn't#obscure as much of his face#its so funny actually going from drawing canon stuff to class swap esp. with riz bc he's smiling SO much here#and it's 100% trained like its crucial for u guys to know he is equally if not more fucked up as a bard#barely anybody can wrangle him in canon it's already been mostly him keeping himself on track. imagine if he actually learned how to act#mmm. I think these designs are still gonna soft change as I draw them. thats fine we have fun#drawing sophomore year bard!riz for those comiclets was fun as hell. I think on this factor alone I call it a success lol
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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God dude these two scenes and how roxie moves hurt my heart so so bad 🥹
it's like a mix of anger, feral, emotional breakdown, and complete sadness that just fucks me up soooo fucking bad.
it's like she's a pet who got abandoned by their owner but they see them again after years of sadness and depression of them being gone and leaving them like that and all that anger and sadness just manifest's into one bundle of emotion's towards them they cannot control.
roxie baby ur gonna be okay u deserve better :[
#scott pilgrim vs the world#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim spoilers#scott pilgrim takes off#roxie richter#ramona flowers#its the fucking fact throughout that whole scene after the hammer she just starts going COMPLETELY feral and just bawl her eyes out#throughout the whole irl fight until the movie shelf falls on them 🥹#can she like#get a hug or something i get her so so much i get u gurl im so sorry u gotta go through this#this episode really just#shows how important closure is for a relationship/even a friendship#like of course it depends on the person and the relationship but man.#People don't realize how important it is to not just leave a person behind like that without explanation but instead give them closure about#it and telling them how you feel.#it really is as simple as that sometimes...and i think people forget that and just wanna ghost/leave as fast as possible#to not deal with the emotions of the situation.#Like both roxie and ramona finally just talking about the situation does sm for their future as friends and i loveeee ittt#so so much better then the comics version off them I feel like this is PERFECT.#again obviously theres just some situations where talking just doesnt work and you both just have to move on.#but when theres situation's like roxie and ramona? talking is needed.#talking/closure is so so important guys remember that when its needed. <3
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thinkin' about Bardaby and his illusion smoke...
#went on yet another bardaby bender. these are only part of it lmao#i am often seized by the fatal need to Draw Barnaby In Some Shape Or Form#but yes. thinking very hard about the illusion smoke#i feel like sometimes he uses it recreationally... mixed with other stuff to dilute it ofc#but it keeps the color!#im imagining that it can act sort of like a Mood Ring!#the core color that he exhales yk yk!#but using it full strength for proper illusions and such#he's gotta be careful about it! it'll fuck him up!#he's built up Quite The Resistance to illusions and illusion magic over his life#but everyone has their limits...#scribble salad#wh fantasy au#IM NOT USED TO DRAWING SMOKE. IT LOOKS BAD LMAO#i'll have to work on that! look up tutorials! Practice!#anyhow i think the other scribbles need their own post#its mainly bardaby and our little warlock...#there are three ways i love drawing barnaby#i love scribbling him angry. i love scribbling him with howdy. and i love scribbling him being soft w/ wally#side note i realized earlier that part of the reason why i love characters who are just so much bigger than everyone else#ex: poppy & barnaby#is bc then its like. they're the smaller guys' personal jungle gym lmao#free bed! free climbing wall! free bean bag! free Getting Tossed Around!!!!#all wrapped up with the wonderful bow of Friend!!!!#...my touch starvedness is showing isnt it. away with ye demons!!!
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[ID: a digital drawing of sklonda, pok and riz gukgak from fantasy high. sklonda is sitting in an armchair and holding newborn riz, her head angled slightly back and leaned up against pok's. pok is leaning over the back of the armchair, face pressed half against sklonda's and half against her hair. he's hugging sklonda, one hand at the nape of her neck and the other leaned against riz's little head. riz is holding pok's index finger with his tiny claw as he sleeps. everyone's eyes are closed and pok and sklonda are smiling. End ID]
#fantasy high#sklonda gukgak#pok gukgak#riz gukgak#the gukgaks#in the spirit of finishing up old sketches (you can tell bcs i Cannot decide how to draw sklonda jsksdjskds)#this is one of those that i was originally going to ink and spend a million years futzing with#but then i liked the sketch so much more than the ink attempt (not vibing with that brush when its clean inks)#that i just decided to clean it up a teeny bit and give it some colour#dont force yourself to continue drawings beyond what you think is appropriate for them and beyond you having fun folks#if it looks cute in version 1 keep it. fight the perfectionism that makes you never finish shit#also look yes riz is in the infamous baby cocoon. i dont know how babies work and am not too keen on finding out#fuck you *cocoons your baby*
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bsd rewatch w my friend means obligatory art of my fav found family ever
#WAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHHH I MISS THEM SO FUCKING MUCH YOU GUYS GENUINELY DON'T UNDERSTAND..............................................#LIKE. NOT A DAY GOES BY WHERE I DONT THINK ABT THEM UEUUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#bro i didn't mean to make atsushi that short LMFAO it's ok tho bc he's their little boy. their son#literally was in the trenches drawing kunikida bc i've been drawing twinks for so long i forgot how to draw actual MEN😭😭#when will my family return from the war.....................................................................#rewatching bsd made me realize its just a rly shitty slice of life romcom featuring ml dazai and his tired work partner/husband#and the story of how they got their first kid. sopping wet pathetic kitten of a boy they picked up off the riverbank#anyway theyre all so dear to me you don't understandddddd i love these dumbass partners and their little tiger boy :((((((((((((((#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#atsushi nakajima#nakajima atsushi#doppo kunikida#kunikida doppo#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws
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aftg bonus content spoilers
after tkm the perception of andrew becomes so reliant on his personality through neil's love-tinted eyes, and there's such little about betsy that we know because neil avoids her like the plague. and then you get her pov.
you get her pov at one of the most damaging points in the series. and andrew minyard, in the middle of it all, still trying so hard to be seen as strong and unaffected, trying to look past all of it, and his mother, the truest, realest one he'll ever have, tells him: listen to me. i am proud of you.
and for a moment this indeterminably strong character is just a boy. he's just a twenty-ish year old boy looking at his mother, upset and possibly even afraid, before saying: everyone knows now, bee.
#and you expect me to go to work? in a few hours?#bro c'mon#i need my leave approved by nora herself bro#this is so mean this pov ruined me#this extra content genuinely ruined me that is fucking#im distraught rn#i love these characters wayyyy too much#its crazy#aftg#andrew minyard#betsy dobson#aftg spoilers#aftg extra content#aftg bonus content#aftg extra content spoilers#spoilers
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may i offer you a tiny jackolantern in these trying times
#my art#sculpture#super sculpey is the worst thing ever i hate it so much#literally how do you work with this its hard as a fucking rock#i'm gonna make dicks out of most of it tbh#rolling it is like the easiest way to shape this shit. so dicks it is#anyway happy halloween enjoy the smol pumpkin
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