#but its pretty anti-trent

[md-confessions]

TW: for mentions of Drug use and Self-Harm and stuff.

So you know how in universe Uzi likes this band called "The Dead Batteries" (their logo is in their shirt)

So I like to think Uzi is hyperfixated on them, like, he has listened to every DB album hundreds of times over, and so for a fic I may have to make up a DB discog, so Uzi can ramble about them.

As of RN, I have:

They're an Alternate/Industrial Rock band.

Their first proper release was a self-titled EP that the band went on to pretty much disown a year after its release, the fans love it though. It doesn't have a specific lyrical theme. (Loosely inspired by how Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails views Pretty Hate Machine unfavorably, mostly due to him being kinda of a perfectionist and also PHM's less than stellar writing)

Second release was their first album “Drained”, which was pretty much a better version of the self-titled EP, it has some tracks from the EP but improved, though it's mostly new content. It's themes are those of relationships, can go from love songs, anti-love songs, breakup anthems, etc. It is VERY angsty.

The first album was what got them popular, but it's not their most popular release.

Drained got a remix album/B-sides Uzi is a big fan of, it's just called "Drained: Remixes and B-Sides" no cool special name. (Inspired by my interest in Linkin Park's Reanimation, a remix album of Hybrid Theory)

Their third release is the super mega popular: "All Time Low" (not named after the band but the NIN song of the same name from Hesitation Marks), it's where all their most popular songs come from, it's the one that everyone (in the MD world) knows about, even if they don't listen to Dead Batteries. The album deals with themes similar to Drained but focus a lot more on drug use and how it can ruin your life. It is also the only album in which they don't swear in.

This release is what got the band to become really famous, and Uzi made a bunch of AMVs using songs from this album as a child.

It did not get a remix album, but it got a B-Sides with songs that didn't make the cut, it's called "Rock Bottom" it's the band's fourth release.

The Fifth release is Uzi's favorite: "Deep Cuts" (named after "Deep Cuts" a term used in music culture used for songs from a band that isn't popular at all, but in universe it's a reference to self-harm) it's a concept album and the band's longest release, it's VERY personal, it's about the life of the band members, at least fictionalized versions of them. The album is also easily their darkest, as the content it deals with is DARK.

Deep Cuts's reviews were that… It got negative reviews from critics due to it being almost 2 hours long and also departing from the band's usual sound, being a lot rougher. Though the fans loved it a lot, but it never really got popular outside the fandom, which is why I call it "Deep Cuts"

Uzi's a big fan of DC, it's a hyperfixation separate from the Dead Batteries hyperfixation, she listens to it so often she could sing it all from memory. (An exaggeration of my hyperfixation of Nine Inch Nails' The Fragile, my favorite piece of media ever)

It also got a remix album called "Even Deeper" which has a more Electronic sound, and it's more danceable, it also has some covers and unused songs from Deep Cuts.

They also have other releases, but I'm tired RN…

⠀

[90363462]

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"CLOSER": THE STRANGE STORY OF NINE INCH NAILS' ENDURING STRIP CLUB ANTHEM

photograph by Ellen Stagg

text SUSAN ELIZABETH SHEPARD

photography ELLEN STAGG

March 8, 2019 

One of the first songs I ever stripped to was Nine Inch Nails' "Closer." This was in 1994, soon after the song's release. At the time, I'd just come back from a road trip to an experimental-music festival featuring Faust, Tony Conrad, Jim O'Rourke and Keiji Haino. I was an 18-year-old with a generationally appropriate disdain for popular music and hair metal, so when the club DJ asked me what kind of music I wanted to dance to before my first stage set, I probably told him Pavement and Sonic Youth and Mudhoney in an effort to give him some accessible choices. What he decided to play for me was the Revolting Cocks' cover of "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" followed by "Closer." I didn't think too much on it being a sexy song at the time, and soon enough, I'd heard it so many times that it blended into the rest of the work soundtrack. I do remember that the chorus really did stand out, but it seemed to be in the same vein as Soundgarden's "Big Dumb Sex" to me — proclaiming the desire to fuck, you know, ironically.

Strip clubs already had songs from Pretty Hate Machine in the rotation, but "Closer" is an unusual song, particularly for Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails. At the beginning of the "making of" mini-doc for its music video, director Mark Romanek says something about his initial reaction to the single that can only be understood in the context of the anti-major-label-and-MTV attitudes of the time. "It's a really actually unusual piece of music for Trent. It actually reminded me of a Prince song, which is not meant to be in any way a criticism. It's meant to be a compliment."

It's fair to characterize the world of alternative music in the 1990s as a place so white and unsexy that one would have to clarify that a Prince comparison wasn't a criticism. Reznor recognized that his audience might have reacted negatively in a 1997 Rolling Stoneinterview: "... 'Closer' is a song with a simple disco beat and a Prince kind of harmony vocal line. That, I thought, would open me up to a lot more criticism from the safe company of alternative people I'm supposed to be catering to."

He turned out to be catering to many more people, and one of "Closer"'s most enduring audiences of all are the people who work in and patronize strip clubs. He couldn't have hit the target more perfectly if he'd tried, and obviously Prince would be exactly who an artist looking to create a strip club classic would emulate, from his funky beats to his explicit sexual language. In the spring of 1994, that bizarre video and profane chorus made for a track decidedly hostile to — and yet destined for — massive commercial success and decades as an unkillable strip club staple just as beloved as "Girls, Girls, Girls" and "Make It Rain."

Over the years, "Closer" has gone from a brand new, shockingly explicit alt hit to a classic tune from an artist who's been around for 30 years, but aside from its age, its meaning and use in the club have remained stable. Because I heard it pretty much every time I worked, it never got around to feeling dated for me, in contrast to other massive Nineties hits. But I never asked to dance to it myself, maybe because I knew it would inevitably get played. (If you're curious, my personal favorite NIN songs to dance to onstage are "Sin" and the cover of "Dead Souls.") It took its showcase use in Magic Mike XXL for me to realize how much meaning it had taken on for me — all and only because of the strip club. When that beat abruptly kicked in as Joe Manganiello(who'd asked for the song) picked up a woman and threw her into a sex swing, I squealed out loud in the theater. All of a sudden I realized I did have an opinion about "Closer," and that opinion was that after two decades in the strip club, it was the one song that never got old, that always signified it was time to pay attention, and that was, anguished lyrics and all, actually incredibly sexy.

photograph by Ellen Stagg

The dancers not onstage while it's playing might be giving private dances to the song. I always found it an easy sell, because it's the rare customer who can resist an "oooh, this song is so sexy! I really want to dance for you!" pitch. That rare customer is probably a hardcore NIN fan who, having paid attention to the lyrics, finds it less sexy and more nihilistic, though even they can't deny it's a great beat. But strip club goers are, with few exceptions, not paying much attention to the lyrical and thematic subtleties of the music that's playing. With "Closer," they may not know the name of the song, but that doesn't stop them from asking for it. DJ Dick Hennessy, a Portland, Oregon-based DJ and the producer of the Vagina Beauty Pageant, says it's one of the top five songs most requested by customers. "And I'd say one out of every 30 times it's requested, it's requested as 'Closer.' Every single time it's like, 'Yeah, I want "Fuck You Like an Animal." Can you play the "Fuck You Like an Animal" song?'"

Hennessy confirms that it's a very attention-grabbing track. "That particular song, for some reason when it comes on, it forces everyone in the club to look at the stage," he says. "It's almost like a snake charmer in a way. Like a hypnotic thing."

Every stripper memoir worth its salt mentions Nine Inch Nails. Sheila McClear, in The Last of the Live Nude Girls, describes watching a dancer onstage at Sassy's in Portland, Oregon, slink around to "Closer." Lily Burana wrote in Strip City that she kept Pretty Hate Machine as one of her five work essentials (before MP3s and streaming were ubiquitous, dancers would bring actual CDs to work with them if they wanted to dance to something the club might not have in its collection).

Writer Alana Massey tells me that she was a Nine Inch Nails fan at a young age. "Like, too young," she says. In her essay collection All the Lives I Want, she describes her experience with hearing "Closer" in the club as pretty much the opposite of mine: She was a fan of the band and liked the song, but hated hearing it at work. That was partly because of its outsized impact on customers, she said.

"I felt like it was just too obvious," Massey says. "It kind of plants this seed for, like, the explicit desire to have sex in a way that other suggestive songs don't." Customers would start singing back the song's exceedingly obvious chorus. "Yeah, I've heard the song, I know what it's about, thanks," she says. "It's like working at Banana Republic and they have the soundtrack, it's like, I've heard this song 37 times today. It has lost any sexual meaning at this point for me."

Dancers Charie and Rio at Pumps Exotic Dancing, Brooklyn, New York, 2019

photograph by Ellen Stagg

"The thing that I think has sort of returned to being compelling and odd about that song are the contradictory ideas that are in it," she says. "'My whole existence is flawed/You get me closer to God' is not fucking like an animal. It's fucking on a higher plane of being a human connected to another human." Massey compares the song to George Michael's "I Want Your Sex," which, when it was released, was seen as just as shocking a statement as "I want to fuck you like an animal," yet which, according to its author, was supposed to be a statement of intimate feeling, not one of indiscriminate horniness.

photograph by Ellen Stagg

For what it's worth, Mötley Crüe's Tommy Lee (who has a credit on The Downward Spiral's "Big Man With a Gun") didn't think that "Closer"'s strip club popularity was any accident. He told Blender in 2002, "Come on, dude: 'I wanna fuck you like an animal'? That's the all-time fuck song. Those are pure fuck beats — Trent Reznor knew what he was doing. You can fuck to it, you can dance to it and you can break shit to it."

photograph by Ellen Stagg

The Rolling Stones' 1969 song "Honky Tonk Women" is still played in strip clubs 50 years later, a mark that "Closer" is halfway to matching. I most recently heard the song at a strip club in early January. The place was down the access road from a truck stop, resembling no strip club I'd been in elsewhere so much as the fictional venue the Bang Bang Bar where Nine Inch Nails performed in Twin Peaks: The Return. The dancer onstage was born several years after "Closer" was released. The song will still be played long after she's given her last dance.

Nine Inch NailsTrent ReznorThe Downward Spiral

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[bieberfeverradioshow-blog]

You know what save it. It’s just like my brother

Swifties what do you think of my Easter egg theory

and Sam and everybody telling me I’m crazy. And I was right about everything. You don’t have to acknowledge it I’m just telling you. Your not the only one who does it it’s common practice in the church when they anoint things. Guierilmo de Teri or whatever makes Pinocchio  which is a rip off of Johnson in the bible. So hogs makes me to replace Jesus with then we get away but in a twist I get blown up by a land one. That’s what mahogany is about in midnights. Because you made a rare tweet about joes the hero.. it that was out of character and you mention the end. You know the hero dies so why keep score.. so I’m the anti hero and.. and in lavender haze Ashley is wearing a sun on its elbow..Rey  sunshine Lana del Rey or is ghosts gag in be anti hero..or is it Marylyn Manson..or Trent reznor..reptiles is about you Taylor.I think Manson because Rita was in bejeweled..and Trent to Manson on his first big tour..I went to it in St. Louis..royal arch..red lodge..and I’m linked to Trent..Trent just did a song with ghosts..bones calls himself the weatherman..they made Francis pope changed out benidict because I had a papel line to Peter..no Dylan will have a closer one..Lana del Rey Dana Lynn Hudson..Dana names her first born Mitchell a folk singers last names...Joni Mitchell bob dylan Taylor swift..fuck they were plotting against me at 8 years old my family was... Eliot’s I’d sings in bury you alive..we got a runner a roadrunner..Forrest tump I ran..the bar i go to is roadrunners..they substitute krylon for nylon..i could go on get into west side connection..1 pussy and 13 dicks..we got probate faces fighting federal cases:.or ghost idiot and mercury and feet but I’m done guess what I don’t have any books by the night standitokd you that’s why I does it..when I come out everything is clear..better with a girl but you know..that’she can see into a mother time thru a computer and he gets framed..the change out his eyes..John Anderson neo is mr anderson..neo 1 trinity 3 terminator 3 John Conner goes off the grid..but comes back and he can’t stop fate.like when I disapeeeard until prison..ghosts she is tattling kill the machines on people e faces at lolapaloza a theima concert..the techno world lace i went to was called hore e Horus Hudson son of an Horne wise the o and the u are opposite on Hudson and Horus e denotes and attachment to something else son of a hor us..

Come on that’s pretty impressive..just think if we were together..I’m not tripping out about it I’m just teaching a master class..

Maybe I’ll give Phil smith a call it’s in Florida..I have a feeling I have something to do with it..warren buffets management firm..and vanguard.,I own cable television and all theme infrastructure that’s why they are trying to get rid of me..

I am so sorry to have you suffer so badly from your...whatever I can lay it out from delaymar to me..I can trace the my confirmation to Benedict.. his coat of arms has a Moore.. the popes did do that..st Louis has the arch royal arch.. John Paul came there when I was there as a marker. Regali was the bishop Burke and Dolan were there. Regali moves to Knoxville I find transfiguration because of him. He’s the archbishop of Philadelphia.. to the angel of the church of Philadelphia rev 3:7 37 the zip code in Tennessee starts 37 the zip code in Vegas starts 89.  Oh yea and everywhere I go music comes out of the sky. The angels sing sorry to ruin your plans. Ai is artificial intelligence IAM is God. iA is Adam the opposite of AI Satan. I’m Adam ISIS is Adams sister ISIS.. OSIRIS IS OR SISI meaning the other halF ISIS SPELLING SISI  I SIS OR SISI MY LITTLE SISTERS NICKNAME IS CCWE CALL HER SIS..some of its fate it’s not planned.. Osiris gets killed and is wrapped in a nun tree when Isis saves him. He raises from the dead. Joshua in the Bible who fights AI IS NAMES IS Joshua Son of Nun Hudson Horus Son son of Hor ..In judges a left handed EHud is leader of the Benjamin . EHud JOSHUA REPLACE THE VOWEL WITH THE ONE THAT ISNT THERE AN E JOSHE JOESH GHOSTE MANE HORSE JO DELI  JOSH OSIRIS  ITS DELICATE  IAM  IA IM ADAM  ITS IM TAYLOR SWIFT DELICATE DELI CAT LANA DEL RAY DANA EL RA GET RID OF FIRST AND THE LAST LETTER  am a 10th level @sw black mage yet..lmfao @swiftie-stephanie. @swiftsecretsquestions @swiftclass @swiftgallery @lanadelrey @eminem @espnpr @catholicliving @catholic-inspiration @wordonfirecatholic @archdiocese @archbishop

@archbishop-bisharp @archdioceseofawesome @notredame-dedouleur @thebleacher @fallontonight @madonnaciccone @popefrancis

@royalfamilyprincess @idfonline-blog @unitednationssystemcop21-blog @potissa-ths-nuxtas @potus @reprovador @billie-eilish-is-an-idol @joealwyndaily @tayswifttrade

[themagnificentartofshipping]

I’ve been rewatching Total Drama

I finished TDI and am starting episode 7 of TDA so I just finished Trent and Izzy’s aftermath and I have some thoughts mostly abut Gwen, Courtney, maybe Heather unsure about that and like ship things. 

I forgot how cute Duncan and Courtney were in TDI. I really get that ship there it is definitely my favorite from that season.

Also I love season 1 Courtney she is so great, her leaving Duncan to get the million 10 out 10, hilarious. In Trent’s aftermath when she says she’s team Gwen because Trent is a loser... by choice, is iconic, I love her so much.

And Heather love that bitch, even though she like literally the worst in TDI and I don’t think I ever realized how much of a better person she is in TDWT then TDI until I rewatched and I really appreciate TDWT Heather alot more now. Also Harold just keeps trying to be friends with Heather and she just keeps shutting him down and I’m just so annoyed cause he’s the only one was even kinda likes her.

I still love Gwen, she’s still probably my favorite character, but like she kinda sucks at communication but teens so i guess it’s fine. And as much as I love Gwuncan, I think Gwen is better in the game when she’s not in a relationship.

So I’m talk about Gwen and Trent now cause I just don’t get them, like there kinda cute in season 1 but like the only thing I really remember is him supporting her in the last challenge and that was cute. But Gwen is pissed at him most of the time in season 1 like she’s very hot and cold with him. And like theyre awful in TDA. Trent is way too jealous of Gwen’s friendship with Duncan even though she tells him they’re just friends multiple times. And he’s so insecure and starts doing weird shit like throwing challenges and the brand thing plus when he trys to make her jealous with Lindsay. It really makes me dislike Trent as a character and I never really cared about him TDI at all. I also don’t get Trent blaming Duncan for their break up, like Duncan was fucking around he made a guess about the 9 thing and that wasn’t even why she dumped him. I also don’t feel bad about Trent getting voted off, he deserved it, he was throwing challenges. And I really don’t like the way the aftermath specifically paints Gwen negatively for dumping him and him getting voted off. 1) cause I’m with Geoff he was going to get voted off anyway- he was throwing challenges and his team knew. 2)She was allowed to dump him, he was creeping her out and like it’s very fair for her to choose to break up with him instead of try and work it out. Especially because she is a teenager and its really healthy to know that you can and should end things if you are feeling uncomfortable and starting to feel unsafe in a relationship. And he was being obsessive enough that is pretty likely that she wasn’t feeling super safe there.

Lastly I’ve been trying to think how I got to the point of shipping Gwuncan so much when I really did like and do like Courtney and Duncan. And now I think I got to the point of it surpassing Courtney and Duncan, mostly because Gwen’s my favourite character and I hate her relationship with Trent so much and I just wanted her in a good relationship that I liked so I shipped with Duncan. I also do think some shit happens in TDA that I don’t remember that makes me less about Duncan and Courtney, but we’ll see. Idk I really like that Duncan and Gwen’s friendship in TDA and that could be part of the shipping for me too.   

[here-there-everyfuckenwhere]

Ted Lasso for the fandom ask thingy

Ooh this is going to be fun! Okay so-

Favourite female character: This is honestly kinda tough tbh, but.. I think I’m gonna have to go with Keeley Jones. I think the first time I watched the show, she was my favourite character because I kinda relate to her. Like she starts off in season 1 being kinda superficial, trying to still act like her 18 year old self (which we learn in s01ep04 when she says that she’s been dating footballers since she was 18), and she’s used to people judging her and assuming she’s just a dumb WAG, but she really comes into her own and learns that she’s strong and capable and worthy of being in a real, mature relationship. And I just loved watching her character development in season 2.

Favourite male character: I mean.. is this even a question? Trent Crimm? Independent? The love of my life?

Favourite season: I really do go back and fourth over season 1 and 2, but ultimately I think I enjoyed season 2 more. I do believe that season 1 had better writing overall, but personally I think season 2 is more enjoyable. I know people complain about “filler” episodes, (like the Christmas episode or Beard After Hours) but even the “filler” episodes are still fun to rewatch

Favourite episode: Definitely s01ep03 “Trent Crimm, The Independent”. Other than the most obvious reason (I mean it’s The Trent Episode™) this episode is great. It’s sorta the first time we see Keeley and Rebecca’s friendship, and its also the first time we really get to see Keeley and Roy’s relationship.Not to mention the first time we see Roy being the cutest uncle ever. It’s one of those episodes that kinda sows the seeds for more important plot lines later on, like Nate becoming coach and that photo of Keeley and Ted leaking. And idk if this counts for anything but the soundtrack from the episode is also A++.

Favourite cast member: I mean they’re all wonderful but it’s pretty hard to go past JSuds

Favourite ship: I mean, I live in the Tent full-time as you all well know, and Ted/Trent are my absolute OTP. But I also ship Keeley/Roy because they are the best couple in the whole show imo, and (and idk if this is a popular opinion or not) I actually really like Sam/Becca as well..

A character I would die defending: SASSY! Ohmygod the amount of Sassy hate I see on Tumblr genuinely breaks my heart I love her so much

A character I just cant sympathise with: If I may quote Sassy, fuck off and die Rupert.

A character I grew to love: Definitely Jamie. I really couldn’t stand him in season 1, even after we see his father for the first time in season 1, I really didn’t care for him much. But I definitely think his redemption arc in season 2 is straight-up on of the best redemption arcs I’ve ever seen in a piece of media in my entire life. He completely won me over when he decided to take part in sam’s protest and started acting more like a team player

My anti-OTP: I might piss off a lot of people but I really don’t ship Ted and Beard. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore their relationship so much and I love all of their scenes together, but I just feel like their friendship is so lovely and they should just stay friends

Ask game!!

Also, to make this ask game more fun I'm gonna tag some people who I think should do this ask (for Ted Lasso obviously): @bipolarjamietartt @enumchase @smooth-crimminal @trent-crimm @leupagus @infiniteeight8 @rimedio8 @polikszena @imgoingtofreakoutnow

[the-punslinger]

Critical Role Quotes and Memorable Moments - Campaign 2 (114/?)

Veth: "Bonus action, will cast Brenatto's Voltaic Bolt at 3rd-level and charge up the bolt. Not going to use it yet, though. Instead, I don't know what they look like, but I imagine a silhouette I can figure out. So with the burning house behind Caleb, I'm going to have the silhouettes of what I imagine his mother and father to sort of look like, appear flanking him and just sort of pointing, pointing at Trent Ikithon." Travis: " Wow." Sam: "With Silent Image." Matt: "Okay. Okay." Liam: "Got me."

Matt: "As you [Caleb] have your hands on the device [Anti-mage collar], a second set of hands comes and pushes yours aside as Astrid begins to bend down. [rolls] Natural 16 plus eight. The side that you're holding, she glances over and finds one trigger that had come loose. She presses it back into place. Squeezes your hand and at once, you hit both sides of the red gem that you had embedded as the power source [makes buzzing sounds] flickers on with a buzz." Beau: "Watch your fingers." Matt: "And Trent suddenly goes like [choking noises]." Caleb [to Astrid]: "You were always better at solving problems than I was."

Caduceus: "And Clay who has been casting a spell for the last minute turns around with deep black pit eyes: 'The Matron has special destinations for people who burn temples. So why don't you put your back into this?' And I go back to having conjured a couatl to putting out the fucking fire." Eadwulf: "Mm! Fair enough." Matt: "He goes 'Mm, right.' And he begins to... what can he do?" Fjord: "'What can you do, Eadwulf?' I Control Water from the pond. 'Look what I'm doing.'"

Matt: "He looks at that, looks over at you. 'Do you have a bucket?'" Caduceus: "If they're still working, yes." Matt: "He shields himself and darts into the house which is now maybe about a third of its exterior covers in flames."

Fjord: "I'll turn and at 5th-level, I'm going to cast Create Water in a 30-foot cube above Caduceus' house, that just creates a 50 gallon torrential rain above it. And I'm going to say: 'Jester, will you come over here?'" Jester: "Oh, yeah... Oh, his hair was so gross, Fjord. [gags] Yeah, what can I do?" Fjord: "Standing in the rain, I turn to her and I say 'I love you too.' Then I kiss her." Jester: "I make sure my hands are not touching him, but I kiss him back."

Caduceus: "I have decided to take this thing that you have done to me and my family as a opportunity to teach a lesson. I don't know if you can truly understand what I'm feeling right now, if you have the imagination for how much hurt this is. But I would like you to empathize with me, and I cast Command. 'Empathize!'" Travis: "One word." Liam: "Wow." Jester: "Feel it all." Matt: "He just smiles back." Caduceus: "'Empathize!' Command again." Marisha: "Wow, I've never seen Caduceus this pissed." Caduceus: "Empathize!" Matt: "Just keeps grinning back at you..." Caduceus: "Empathize!" Matt: "How many spell slots do you have left?" Taliesin: "Let's see. That's a good question." Sam: "Day 13." Matt: "That's four 1st-level spells at least you cast. Succeeds on that one, too." Caduceus: "One, two, three, four...Empathize!" Matt: "Okay, he succeeds." Caduceus: "Empathize!" Matt: "Succeeds, natural 20." Caduceus: "I'll keep going." Fjord: "I put my hand on Caduceus' shoulder, and at 5th-level, I cast Command and say 'Empathize!'" Matt: "So what's the 5th-level one do now?" Travis: "The 5th-level save's 18." Laura: "Just again, another one. Just a higher level." Matt: "Natural 20, saves again." Beau: "He is a sick fuck." Caduceus: "Empathize!" Matt: "Saves." Caduceus: "Empathize!" Matt: "No, he succeeds." Travis: "You got to respect it, it's pretty good." Sam: " He's a dick." Liam: "Yeah, he's a piece of shit." Matt: "He succeeds." Marisha: "He's a piece of shit. Wow!" Caduceus: "Empathize!" Matt: "He's got a high..." Travis: "Energize!" Caduceus: "As he slowly falls asleep, I just want him to hear 'Well, don't worry, we can try again tomorrow.'"

[beeblackburn]

The Anti-TBR Tag

I was tagged by @books-and-doodles! Thank you! And poor you, for I am a long-winded bastard.

1. A popular book EVERYONE loves that you have no interest in reading?

On general principle, I feel like the really popular stuff (Twilight, Throne of Glass, Divergent, The Mortal Instruments) ends up being stuff I’m inherently not going to be attracted to and some of them have their own hatedoms going on, so going after them in detail would be punching down (though I don’t particular like any of the above). So I’m going to try to go off the beaten path with these seven:

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab = nothing against her personally, though I heard her The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue was baaaaad, but apparently, she’s similar to Sanderson in the magic system being better than the characterization and I heard her writing’s got a white faux-female empowerment sort of thing going that I’m growing increasingly... discontent of by itself. I might try it out later, but I also got hundreds of books to drill through first and I’m in no rush.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo = I’ve been increasingly getting the sense that Six of Crows was a flash in the pan, Bardugo’s style more defined by fun than genuine substance. And given a rather scathing review that points out unearned shifts in characterization, lackluster supporting cast, and two really uncomfortable exploitative sexual assault fantasy scenes (one of which was underaged!), I’m gonna say no.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik = I generally like Novik! She’s a very solid writer to me and I’ve bought most of her books, so this is purely me not taking to the Wizarding School genre. Sorry, Novik, "a twisted, super dark, super modern, female-led Harry Potter" isn’t the selling point it once was, and even then, I probably wouldn’t have taken to it. Especially when I’ve already got The Gray House by Mariam Petrosyan to read.

The Alloy of Law by Brandon Sanderson = I’ve got mixed feelings on Mistborn looking back: it’s hardly the worst of his oeuvre (Elantris is that and was admittedly his first book) and The Final Empire took a few narrative risks that I admire, I also found the resulting books a tad juvenile and I don’t take to steampunk, genre-wise. I’m not even that much of a Sanderson fan, so I’d rather just read the summary for all I care.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher = given what I’ve been told about The Dresden Files’ lessening of noir roots past the first few books, how it later became more flashy-and-bang magical, and how it’s pretty sexist early on (and from what I’ve been told, doubled down on it later on and having worse treatments of its female characters), I’m in no particular rush to read them. The urban fantasy genre on them only turns me off more.

The Doors of Stone by Patrick Rothfuss = hahaha, I’m sorry, I did read The Name of the Wind, and read select parts of The Wise Man’s Fear, but everyone, instead of waiting and devoting your time for this book to come, I would suggest reading Fitz, Who Is Actually Good and Can Wring More than Disgust and an Eye-Roll out of You in Robin Hobb’s Realm of the Elderlings, given she is far better at characterization than Rothfuss.

Anything by Paul Krueger, Sam Sykes, and Myke Cole = fuck all three of these men and the idea that I’ll pay for their stuff. While I can’t demand any of you not buy from them and I’ll hardly claim to be a saint in terms of ethics, purchase-wise, I would beseech you all please don’t buy from these three authors who have a history of inappropriateness.

2. A classic book (or author) you don’t have an interest in reading?

Charles Dickens = look, I know his word count is padded because of serial installments back then, but I’m sorry, I wasn’t that impressed by the child-sanitized versions of Great Expectations and Oliver Twist. They were easily some of the most boring of out of the child-sanitized classics I read. It was the pictures that kept me going and barely at that. No thanks.

Emily Brontë =  look, if I wanted shitty people being shitty to each other, I’d much rather read Joe Abercrombie because at least I’ll get some intentional dark comedy out of dumb shitheads being terrible to each other (Best Served Cold comes to mind). And I know we’re not meant to like these self-destructive people, but I’d rather not hate everyone that much.

Alexander Dumas = Three Musketeers really didn’t age well, just from the TV Tropes page and I’m not really looking forward to an adventure that goes out of its way to valorize its protagonists being adventurous assholes who dueled, drank, and womanized harder than anyone else and we should commend that because they were men. Ugh.

3. An author you have read a couple of books from & have decided their books are not for you?

Leigh Bardugo = like I said, I feel like Six of Crows (and Crooked Kingdom, to a lesser extent) was a flash in the pan and she’s been increasingly running on fumes ever since then. Good and fun with a decent eye for characterization, but hardly revolutionary, considering how I think Crooked Kingdom isn’t quite as good as Six of Crows, and the less said about Shadow and Bone, the better.

Neil Gaiman = I’ve read some of his stuff (and I didn’t quite see the hype over his writing, but liked it decently enough) but having heard that, in his Sandman run, he wrote in a transwoman solely to get killed for an emotional ending and how he defended that choice for awhile left a battery acid taste for me to read more. He’s a formative part of people’s childhoods, so I don’t blame anyone for being fans, he’s just not for me.

Steven Erikson = really nothing against the dude, I’m sure he's probably a decent guy, but I didn’t take to Gardens of the Moon at all and skimming Deadhouse Gates and Memories of Ice (which were admittedly better) made me realize its prose was something I would need a hard and sharp shovel to crack through, and the darting around of many, many POVs made me feel not invested in anyone.

4. A genre you have no interest in OR a genre you tried to get into & couldn’t?

I’ll answer both because I have the time:

I’m not interested in romance, mostly because it’s an entire genre built around the build-up. It’s usually the story about the beginning of a relationship, not the relationship itself. I’d genuinely like to read about the story of a romance that doesn’t stop shortly after the hook-up or before the honeymoon period ends. The City Watch parts of Discworld by Terry Pratchett, The Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan and The Sharing Knife by Lois McMaster Bujold all have romantic elements that are relatively undrenched in melodrama or frills, but none of them are pure romances, which is a huge problem. I can take romantic subplots in fantasy, but I can’t take the genre as-is.

Urban fantasy is a genre I’m not against having my mind changed on liking, but right now, I generally find it insipid, a shortcut to good world-building, short on great characterization, and an excuse to lampshade and pretense to being above fantastical clichés in a tongue-in-cheek attitude while still committing to them. I do genuinely like Rivers of London by Ben Aaronvitch, but that’s really the concession I can give the entirety of the genre. I took a crack at Rick Riordan and Cassandra Clare’s stuff, but it didn’t feel like my sort of thing. Again, would like to be convinced, but I’d much rather read a domestic or slice-of-life fantasy set in a more overtly fantasy world than the urban one. 

Also, sci-fi, but I’m trying again with the Wormwood trilogy by Tade Thompson, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon, and either the Imperial Radch trilogy by Ann Leckie, or the Teixcalaan trilogy by Arkady Martine. I snoozed through Azimov’s Foundation and generally bored myself of hard sci-fi books, so I’m hoping contemporary sci-fi changes my mind on the entire genre.

5. A book you have bought but will never read?

A book I personally bought? Honestly, Traitor’s Blade by Sebastien de Castell. No particular reason, I just bought it at a closing-down sale at a branch of my bookstore on the cheap because the cover looked nice and didn’t really take to its blurb. I heard good things though, so if anyone else wants to read it...

I tag @vera-dauriac, @xserpx, @autoapocrypha, @kateofthecanals, @turtle-paced, @insecticidalfeminism, @secretlyatargaryen, @helix-eagle-hourglass-nebula, @xillionart, @jovolovo and whoever else that is following me and wishes to do this tag (I’d like to read your posts, so please tag me! :D)

[mangora]

Everyone else is doing season rankings so here’s mine:

1. Revenge of the Island- the characters were wonderful, the setting was cool, I loved the relationships, and the ending was great. I wish it was longer so we could’ve gotten more development out of characters like Anne Maria & B and more relationship development for things like Jo & Brick’s friendship but overall very good!

2. World Tour- The songs were wonderful and I loved Alejandro & Heather, easily the best finale, Noah development was iconic, and platonic Gwourtney was good while it lasted. I definitely didn’t like things like DJ’s curse and Coderra and the love triangle but when the writing was good, it was good.

3. Ridonculous Race- the cast was so colorful and the new set up was interesting! I liked how they explored things like platonic and familial relationships more. The ice dancers were also great villains. I know everyone doesn’t like Nemma but tbh I thought they had a good friendship. Loved all the teams and how they all got at least a little arc before departure. The best written by far, the only reason it’s farther down than ROTI and World Tour is because while I loved the characters and their writing, my emotional attachment to the first two generations is a lot stronger yknow. It’s nothing personal, if I didn’t have that it would be number one for sure.

4. Island- The original! I feel like the characters were blander here but the challenges were cute and it was what it said on the box: a classic teen drama show. I don’t have a whole lot to say but I can’t dislike it at all besides some of the gross-out. Also DJ, the original Bridgette & Geoff, and Cody helping Gwent happen just have special places in my heart (as well as duncney before the last episode)

5. Pahkitew- Pahkitew was very weird and I definitely have bones to pick with the end of Scarlett’s arc as well as Sugar’s gross-out humor, the treatment of Sammy, and Dave’s Dave-ness. But I also loved Shawn & Jasmine a lot and how their arcs complimented each other, they’re very clearly two separate characters who can help each other develop without relying on each other for fan intrigue. Also the build up to Scarlett’s arc was lovely and the mechanical island twist was foreshadowed well. I’d definitely change some things but all the characters were fairly fun even with their flaws.

6. All stars- All stars was a mess that relied on ableist tropes both with Alejandro and Mal, and dropped character arcs or went totally off track, and tbh I hope it’s retconned in the newer seasons. But, it had some good. Mal had a lot of potential and their good vs. evil theme could’ve easily been blurred and complexed by the morally gray nature of characters like Courtney and Duncan. I liked Duncan a lot in this season actually, like more than I did in any other, and the idea of rehashing old challenges with a twist is very cool. It could’ve been written way better but it had potential and I give it points for that. Also I’m attached to Mal and for its credit the show gave me him so I have to at least give it second to last.

7. Action- hot take, action was terrible. Leshawna’s arc and watching her fight through hatred for getting what was rightfully hers as well as realizing she made a mistake by talking badly about people she liked was pretty decent (even though I feel like a lot of it was fueled by anti-blackness on the part of the writers) and she should’ve won, DJ quitting because he felt bad for partnering with Chef, the Chef/Chris development, and the Gwen & Duncan friendship were great...and that was it. The season was way too drawn out, Courtney in this season was a stuck-up caricature of her original self, they totally ruined Trent with ableist tropes, Duncan did nothing but bully people especially Harold, the way Beth treated guys was gross, Bridgeoff conflict was terrible, Heather got pretty much no development, Owen was just a fat joke the whole season and it was so sad bc he’s more than his weight which isn’t a thing to make fun of anyways, the aftermath segments were lame filler, Leshawna was done so dirty she worked so hard and deserved to win, and the authors like couldn’t decide if they wanted to make Justin evil or not so it was just a mess. Also Duncan’s transphobic comment was just,,,,unnecessary as shit. This season is the worst with gross-out imo too. Just like all stars it had a good concept but awful character derailment, except this one was drawn out as fuck and disgusting. It’s just sad I can’t stand it.

[chainsawing]

Why do you hate Gwen from Total Drama so much? Is she the worst character in TDA, TDWT and TDAS?

WHAT oh is this bc i said i like all the anti gwen songs theyre just. Really Good ok

i think shes probably the best character in tdi honestly, shes pretty nice/funny AND she goes far and gets probably the most character development

i know a lot of people said every season after 1 ""ruined gwen"" but i ALSO like her a lot going forward, i rewatched only parts of action because it went on for SO LONG but im glad she got rid of trent #girlboss

im like. halfway? through rewatching tdwt and i ALSO love her like sort-of-villain arc [i DONT see her as a villain though because shes not deliberately manipulating anyone like heather or alejandro are shes just being a normal person lol alsp duncan kissed HER] shes one of my favorite people like overall she has good development isnt too annoying and is just weird i <3 gwen. also i like her and duncan together because i think its really funny that they straight up hate each other

[passionate-reply]

Passionate Reply is back, and taking a look at one of the best known and most influential albums in industrial history: Nine Inch Nails’ Pretty Hate Machine! Transcript of the video below the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, it’s finally time to discuss arguably the best known industrial musician of all time, and his debut album: this is Pretty Hate Machine, by Nine Inch Nails. Released in 1989, it is, technically, an “80s album,” but given how stylistically influential it would become on the music of the 1990s, it’s hard to think of it as a product of the preceding decade. Still, it’s worth remembering that this album came out almost fifteen years into the history of industrial, and Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor has never denied his indebtedness to, and appreciation of, the genre’s 80s pioneers, like Coil and Skinny Puppy. Pretty Hate Machine didn’t go down in history for being the very first industrial album, but rather for being the first one that most people actually heard--particularly, in Reznor’s native America. What really set Nine Inch Nails apart, then and now, is Reznor’s ability to marry those harsh textures and machine beats with a real knack for that most elusive of songwriting goals: the pop hook.

Music: “Head Like a Hole”

Pretty Hate Machine’s unforgettable opener, “Head Like a Hole,” is the track on the album that you’re most likely to have encountered before, and sits just behind “Hurt” and “Closer” in the ranking of the best-known Nine Inch Nails songs. There’s not a whole lot to say about it, musically, that hasn’t already been said--each of its three parts have that devilishly catchy quality about them, and despite its underlying electronic structure, inspired by European EBM, it’s got just enough rock credibility to appeal to American audiences. It wasn’t a huge pop hit, of course, but I think it’s easy to hear how and why it earned its acclaim, and high rotation on MTV.

As far as the lyrics are concerned, I’m always happy to listen to an anti-capitalist jam, especially when it comes to industrial, but I feel like that lends a weird tension to “Head Like a Hole.” Reznor wants to sell us his denouncement of “God Money” and the relentless hunger of capital, but using such an approachable, or marketable, pop formula forces us to question its sincerity. Despite industrial music’s deep roots in counter-cultural values, the sociopolitical commentary of the album doesn’t dig any deeper than “Head Like a Hole”’s vague indignance at being controlled by something-or-other. While I won’t argue that artists ever “owe” anybody more political art, Trent Reznor popularized a style of music that began as an expression of working-class struggles on another continent, partly by stripping away most of the truly subversive commentary, so I can’t say I don’t understand why many die-hard industrial listeners see him as something of a profiteering poseur. So, if Pretty Hate Machine isn’t about class struggle, what is it about? The short answer is, atomized personal struggles, particularly in unhealthy relationships.

Music: “Sanctified”

While a track like “Sanctified” isn’t quite as explosively hooky as “Head Like a Hole,” it’s made of the same basic stuff: tight mechanical rhythms, shouty vocals, and distorted guitars that offer just the right amount of edge. As the title implies, it deals with themes of religious purity, darkly inverted--a common enough subject for traditional goth music, though a bit less so for industrial. Still, it’s not unheard of, and seems like a good fit for this particularly American take on industrial. The sort of push-and-pull, love-and-hate dynamic on display here is a consistent one throughout the album, though at times, it feels a bit more low-brow.

Music: “Kinda I Want To”

“Kinda I Want To” is certainly a catchy song, which is once again cut from that same dominant songwriting formula, but I find it’s one that I have my own love-hate relationship with. Whether or not I like a given song is rarely determined chiefly by its lyricism, but in this case, I find “Kinda I Want To” to be almost insufferably puerile and crass. For as much as the critical consensus has really turned around on Nine Inch Nails, with Oscars, Emmys, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame smiling at Reznor’s artistic achievements, I still remember growing up in a world where this was panned as music for angsty teenage boys. While I obviously think *Pretty Hate Machine* has more value than that, it’s moments like “Kinda I Want To” that make me see the argument. It’s always struck me as a track that takes itself very seriously, and yet fails to convince me. On the other hand, you’ve got a track like “Down In It,” which feels unashamed of being slightly lighter fare.

Music: “Down In It”

In fairness, “Down In It” isn’t entirely “light” material, with its lyrical theme of addiction and its delightfully scratchy soundscape, but it’s danceable and club-friendly in a way that really sets it apart from the rest of *Pretty Hate Machine.* It’s even got a bit of hip-hop influence, with its pseudo-rap verses, and that distortion that sounds vaguely like record scratching--calling back to the early days of hip-hop when it was chiefly employed as party music. Reznor and company famously mimed “Down In It” on the TV program *Dance Party USA,* which a lot of Nine Inch Nails fans see as incongruously absurd, but I think this track genuinely does fit in just fine in that milieu. I don’t look down upon dance music, and I don’t think it’s insulting to suggest that “Down In It” is some great dance music. It was actually the album’s lead single, and a fairly successful one in its own time, so clearly, people were moving to it.

Pretty Hate Machine’s iconic cover is somewhat abstract, featuring this tightly framed streak of lurid magenta and teal that’s boxed in by oppressive walls of black. While that artificial colour palette makes it difficult to ascertain exactly what we’re looking at, it appears to be some sort of large machine with a symmetrical row of spokes, though it’s possible to interpret it as something more organic as well--perhaps a ribcage, or a row of teeth.

The album title “Pretty Hate Machine” strikes me as almost pithy with how straightforward it is. Yes, you can put this album on and expect to find some electronic, machine music, with a fair amount of spite and vitriol, but covered over in that “pretty” pop sheen. Like a lot of the album, it’s on the nose, and perhaps a bit simplistic, but functional enough that I don’t overtly dislike it, even if it isn’t exactly clever.

Reznor’s follow-up to Pretty Hate Machine, 1994’s The Downward Spiral, would go on to even greater acclaim than his debut, and it’s considered by many to be his magnum opus.

Music: “Reptile”

Given its greater emphasis on guitar-driven noise-scapes, and its concept album style narrative, chronicling its protagonist’s descent into madness, I completely understand why the rock criticism establishment is high on this album. In what will probably go down as one of my most controversial opinions, I really don’t care for The Downward Spiral very much at all, precisely because it fits the “rock album” mould so much more than albums like Pretty Hate Machine. Give me the EBM beats any day of the week.

My favourite track on Pretty Hate Machine is its closing track, “Ringfinger.” While “Ringfinger” is yet another toxic relationship-themed number, I like the emphasis on work or labour in its lyrics. The context is quite different, but I’d like to think it has a hint of that working-class consciousness of industrial’s European forebears. Musically, I think this song’s outro is to die for. It closes out the album with some impressively cacophonous rhythm, almost ridiculous in the density of how many loops are playing at once--and yet it works! Overall, I think the percussion tracks throughout the whole album are really remarkable, despite often being overlooked by critics. That’s all I have for today--thanks for watching!

Music: “Ringfinger”

[beetlemancy]

hey welcome to my Liam O’Brien is a Playlist Menace collection. These lyrics are too good and are becoming very relevant again. These are just my personal favorite parts of many (but not all) of the songs from Caleb’s playlist and how I personally feel they reflect the story - they are definitely NOT the only parts of the song that do this. 

This is gonna be long as Shit so its under a cut.

Fire - Kimya Dawson

Trent IckyThong, Caleb and Beau’s talks about changing the Empire, his thirst for knowledge, and his continued use of Trauma (read: Fire) Magic to meet his ends and help his friends.

“He says he's protecting us but he's a liar I know deep down that it's down to the wire My heart will stop if I put out the fire As long as I'm burning I'll keep on yearning (Liam has Best Yearning Face) To save the world Not sure how but I'm learning”

Me and My Friends Are Lonely - Matt Maeson

Is he talking to himself, to Astrid/Wulf? or to Trent? Rexxentrum - when he escapes, it doesn’t stop the what’s happening there. Is it stressing all the things that you have morally accepted? Is it vexing wearing clothes that you have bled in? Picture perfect victim, overwhelmed and so sadistic I was looking for a purpose, what a chance you had some with you (woof) On the street when I forgot, the city breathes when I do not If I leave it does not stop here, no

The Shankill Butchers - The Decemberists

Liam’s Obsession With The Decemberists Continues Astrid, Eodwulf, Bren. Obviously.

They used to be just like me and you They used to be sweet little boys But something went horribly askew Now killing is their only source of joy (still possibly true for other two, oh god)

Walzur fur Niemand - Sophie Hunger (Waltz for Nobody)

there’s like 5 different translations of this one so i’m gonna use the ones that fit best i suppose

Caleb in the Vergessen (to forget) Sanitorium. Trent as Mr. Nobody. What did Trent want by keeping Caleb so close all those years? How the fuck is that part of the song so damn relevant all of a sudden??

Was wäre ich geworden gäb es Dich nicht What would I have been like if it weren't for you? (i cry)

Niemand, was, was willst Du? Immer bist Du hier Niemand, was, was willst Du von mir? Nobody, what, what do you want? You are always here Nobody, what, what do you want from me?

Here - Alessia Cara

Caleb just wants to hang one-on-one most of the time. Give him some Empire Siblings Take Over the Planet time and he’ll be fine. This song is an Autistic’s Anthem, btw. Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this An anti social pessimist but usually I don't mess with this And I know you mean only the best and Your intentions aren't to bother me But honestly I'd rather be Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen To some music with the message (like we usually do) And we'll discuss our big dreams How we plan to take over the planet So pardon my manners, I hope you'll understand (took the M9 long enough) That I'll be here

Heart of Glass - Blondie/Phillip Glass

literally just check out @luckthebard‘s meta on this, but I feel BIG SAME about it because this is supposed to be about what went down at the Academy with Astrid (or Wulf or both) but holy shit yall none of these lyrics sound Good Once I had a love and it was a gas Soon turned out had a heart of glass (wtf liam) Seemed like the real thing, only to find Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind Once I had a love and it was divine Soon found out I was losing my mind It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind (AAAAA?!?) Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind

The River, The Woods - Astronautalis

This one is kind of my favorite. Hold still, and listen, your hand on my heart If you need them, these beacons will lead you back to the start (i mean really) Liam put this on Twitter when we first got to Rexxentrum so like. Duh. Old growth, holds hope, let the brambles scrape your skin Scars are storybooks, the blood will wash away your sins (god i hope so caleb) Now let that sun slip, then let that moon rise Follow in no footsteps, listen for the true guides Woods will play tricks upon pretty blue eyes (you are pretty) Is that glimmer the river, or your village finally brought back to life?

okay that’s it for now cuz the others are more Future-y... Like, god what I wouldn’t give for “No Home - Nico Vega” to come true for Caleb.

[grimelords]

My August playlist is finished and while it does unfortunately begin with Tool it also has two of Elvis’ gospel songs on it so please believe me when I say it takes a turn! Everything you could ever want over three hours of music from 70s christian hippie cult music to a funky remix of Also Sprach Zarathustra to Ante Up.

If you’re interested in getting these emailed to you instead of having them mysteriously appear and clog up your dash, I’ve started a tinyletter you can subscrine to at tinyletter.com/grimelords

but in the meantime,

listen here

Lateralus - Tool: Tool is on streaming now and they've got a new album out and so it's a very nice time to reinterrogate a band that meant a lot to teenaged me that i have almost completely exorcised from my life since. What's interesting firstly is how much better it is to consume their music digitally than it ever was in any physical format. They apparently resisted making it available for so long for nebulous reasons of artistic control and intention, wanting a say in how their music is listened to - they design these long and overwrought albums to be experienced as a whole. My contention is that as a whole album, start-to-finish, is one of the worst ways to listen to this band. Tool have maybe 12 great songs across four albums and every single album is around 70-80 minutes, pushing the limit of the CD. Which means for every great song there's at least two ambient interludes, Bill Hicks samples, 90s alt comedy bits (Die Eir Von Satan is just menacing music and a menacing voice reading out a weed cookie recipe in german, now that's what I call comedy) that really add nothing to the experience of the album on a casual listen. Being actually able to listen to these songs on their own, and playlist them and pull them apart from the mire is so refreshing and makes experiencing this extremely exhausting band actually pleasant for once. That's not to say ambient interludes and sketches and whatever aren't worth it, I absolutely love that shit and a lot of my favourite albums are absolutely chock full of that sort of thing - just like, don't make me do it every time. Their new album seems to reflect this at least a little bit, with the more overarching themes and arcs of the previous albums replaced by more singular and self-contained long songs interspersed with dedicated 2 minute interlude tracks. The runtime blows out to an hour and a half unrestrained by physical limits but it seems to contain more actual music and less funny than any other Tool album which is a welcome change. I'm still lukewarm on the album itself, it seems to just be a complete rehashing of the ideas on 10,000 Days (to the point of almost note-for-note repetition of some old riffs and themes) which is a bit disappointing considering how long they've apparently been working on it. I'll give it more time because Tool albums always unfold over multiple listens but for now they kind of just sound like the dad-rock version of a once extremely edgy 90s band - which I guess they are now so that makes sense. As for Lateralus, I think it's their best song. The perfect combination of Joe Rogan spirit science woo-woo sacred geometry fibonacci sequence 'open your mind' bullshit and good old fashioned riffs, it's the best of both halves of Tool and great starting point if you've never listened to this band and are interested in becoming insufferable.

Mars For The Rich - King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard: This album is so good and it's finally converted me to being a full time King Gizz guy so look out for a lot more of that in the future. It's a thrash metal concept album about ecological collapse forcing the rich to flee to mars and the poor to flee to venus where they lose their minds and fly into the fire. I spent a little while the other day obsessing over the insane vocal leap in this absolutely incredible song when he jumps down an 11th on 'mars for the riiiiiiich' somehow effortlessly.

Pattern Walks - Cloud Nothings: The interplay between Cloud Nothings second and third albums is something I think about a lot. Attack On Memory is a visceral experience of depression and living in your own head where Here And Nowhere Else is about being able to finally move past it, and living with it. There's a good quote from the singer on the Genius page for this song where he says "It was almost a response to “Wasted Days” on the last record. It ends with “I thought I would be more than this” over and over and this one ends with “I thought” over a beautiful bit of music which is an easy way to explain the way I was thinking when I was writing this record. I wasn’t as depressed as I was when I was making the last album. Before, I felt like nobody liked the band and I was doing it for three years. I was not in a good place. Now, I had more time to think about why I felt that way. It’s a positive song."

M.E. - Metz: Metz put out a B-sides and rarities album a couple of weeks ago and then they put out this Gary Numan cover on it's own for some reason. It's very very good! I love just putting a generally harder edge on it without taking anything away from the spirit of the original. I also, somehow, didn't realise that Where's Your Head At by Basement Jaxx was a Gary Numan sample until I heard this cover so we're all learning every day.

The Ocean And The  Sun - The Sound Of Animals Fighting: Here's what's good: having the last third of your song just be a monotone voice reading from a CrimethInc anarchist zine over swirling guitar ambience. The drums are so good in this, Chris Tsagakis makes me want to muscle through the ska and listen to RX Bandits more, he’s just that good. The extremely crunchy part in the chorus especially, it switches through like three different distortions and sounds absolutely great. I’m a big fan of anyone that can make a very straightforward groove like the main one here really work just by absolutely leaning into it.

Uzbekistan - The Sound Of Animals Fighting: Uzbekistan is the most out-there and wild song on this album which was sort of mostly a way back into post-hardcore for TSOAF after Lover, The Lord Has Left Us.. which was perhaps a little too-out there for most. (seven minute closing track of a guy singing John Cage's Experimental Music essay over formless tabla and mandolin). The drums alone in this are worth it. The way they transition in and out of the super distorted electronic parts is so good. This song fortunately also has a section where someone recites poetry over electronic noise and a second voice whispers 'who holds your strings? wake up..." over the top near the end. I will love and defend dum-dum pretentious music until the day I die.

Gangsta - Tune-Yards: I love Tune-Yards and I'm incredibly interested in the way she interrogates whiteness. It's a complicated thing to get into in this playlist post but when she first turned up, a lot of people assumed she was african american just by the sound of her voice and music - it reaches and pulls from a lot of african music in a very postmodern sort of way and when people found out she was white, straight, cis and from New England it kind of felt like a betrayal for some people. On her 2018 album I Can Feel You Creep Into My Private Life she digs into it a lot in a way that becomes almost uncomfortable for what is ostensibly a pop album. An NPR article about it at the time said "Ever the student, the Smith-educated Garbus, who writes most of Tune-Yards' lyrics, designed an anti-racist curriculum for herself. She attended a six-month anti-racist workshop at the East Bay Meditation Center. She read the work of noted anti-racist educator Tim Wise and explored the activism of Standing Up for Racial Justice, a nationwide, progressive activism network dedicated to "moving white people to act as part of a multi-racial majority.". That's a lot. This song, Gangsta, from her 2011 album when all the hype was fresh feels like a pretty early look into the mindset she'd later fully fledge out of interrogating white identity and cultural appropriation while also participating in it. The lyrics are simple but they get to a simple point, "What's a boy to do if he'll never be a rasta?" is basically making the same point as Ras Trent by The Lonely Island except it's asking where else does Ras Trent fit? Can a white guy participate in anything like that in a way that's not cultural appropriation, and how can a culture like that participate in the larger world without being appropriated? It's 2013 tumblr discourse but it's still churning for a reason I suppose.

Ante Up (feat. Busta Rhymes, Teflon & Remi Martin) - M.O.P: An all time great Violence Song, in the same genre as Knuck If Ya Buck and X Gon Give It To Ya. Opening with "'this shit feel like a whole entire world collapsed" is such an insane way to open a song but the absolute whirlwind of threats that follows makes it feel warranted. "Fuck hip-hop, rip pockets, snatch jewels" is sooo good. I don't even care about this song I am just straight up robbing you. The absolute power in the rhythm of the overlapping getemGETEMgetem hitemHITEMhitem part is just so, so strong. It's like a VR experience of being fucking robbed.

Awake (feat. JPEGMAFIA) - Tkay Maidza: It seems like Tkay is finally nailing down her sound and she’s absolutely killing it. She’s been through a few different styles since she started out and now she’s really hit on something that’s very distinctly her with this and her other new song Flexin and I cannot wait for the album.

Big Head - Ms. Jade: Ms Jade had one album in 2002 and then basically disappeared which is a shame because she's got a very interesting approach. The star of the show is as usual, Timbaland. The man is a singular voice somehow making the tabla and a wikiwiki noise his signature sound. I love the drone of the raps interspersed with the vocal spikes and I love the chorus as the gospel vocals surge up from underneath. This whole song is just completely bizzare in its construction in a way that works perfectly and feels strangely.

Titanium 2 Step - Battles: Battles are finally back and I’m fucking bouncing off the walls. They’re a two piece now and it does not seem to have slowed them down at all which is very exciting. I can’t think of any band that has ever continued with only half of their original members and also moved forward radically every time. Everything about this song is great: the super strength drums, the hypercolour guitar and the vocals that are just screaming absolutely whatever you like whenever you like. It feels closest to Ice Cream, and Gloss Drop in general more than La Di Da Di but i’m so excited to see how the new album sounds - and how they adapt their old material live now that there’s only two of them.

Dancing Is The Best Revenge - !!!: I’ve never actively listened to !!! for no good reason, but plenty of times in my life I’ve heard a song playing and been like damn what the FUCK is THIS?! and it always turns out to be !!!. This is yet another example.

Skitzo Dancer (Justice Remix) - Scenario Rock: The first clap in this is one of the best sounds ever. Right after 'so you think you've seen and heard it all' everything drops out of the mix for this one very comedy clap and it makes me smile every time. The rhythm of the Disco!... Disco! Disco! part near the end is one of those things that's just always playing in the back of my mind, which as far as constant reminders go it's not the worst. I've also over the last week or so been a big fan of this 11 year old youtube video I found of some guy covering the bass on this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0DLAUaV3f8

16:56 - Danger: Danger had a new album this year that I don't think I gave enough attention to because I relistened and it's very good. He spends the majority of it refining his original sound but it's such a distinct and original niche that it works out great. The songs are so densely layered and frankly just sound so beautiful! Which is a strange thing to say about 80s inspired electro but it just does. The strings and timpani in this about halfway through are just a gift as well, I love it.

Also Sprach Zarathustra - Deodato: As part of my ‘thinking about Elvis’ I was looking up a live album of his called Aloha From Hawaii Via Sattelite which has a very good cover which doubles as an illustration of how my proposed international peacekeeping satellite will function, projecting an immense Elvis themed blanket of darkness over ‘troublemaker’ regions to immerse them in an eternal freezing night until they’ve settled down. Anyway his entrance music for this this concert in Hawaii is Also Sprach Zarathustra, which is a very very funny thing to do and I think gives an appropriate measure of his status at the time. When I told my girlfriend about this she directed me to this bonkers jazz funk version of it by Deodato which deservingly won a grammy in 1974 for Best Pop Instrumental Performance.

Hollywood Forever Cemetary Sings - Father John Misty: I’ve resisted listening to Father John Misty for a long time because he just seems like a real asshole. A big brain man genius that saw what Lana Del Rey was doing and thought “what if.. me?”. But I can’t deny this song, it’s absolutely magical and as far as songs about fucking in a cemetery go it’s definitely one of the most singable.

Remember / Medicine Man - Yma Sumac: In reading about the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and who was buried there, I learned about Yma Sumac. Yma Sumac was a Peruvian soprano with one of the most incredible voices I've ever heard who was an absolutely huge deal in the 50s when Americans were clamouring for the exotic, real or imagined. She made extremely good mambo music and claimed to be descended from the last Incan emperor. Her popularity faded after the 50s and then for an unknown reson in 1971, ten years since her last album, she made this rock album. It is insane. It's the best example of 'voice as an instrument' that I've ever heard. She is making every kind of sound possible with a human voice and her range seems completely limitless. She's just as comfortable in a piercingly high whistle register as she is in deep guttural growls. About 2 minutes into Remember she just straight up jumps four octaves in a row just to flex. She also sings in a way in the second verse of Medicine Man that I've never heard before that sounds like she's blowing out her cheeks and then singing with her mouth almost closed. It's absolutey bizzare and I love it so much.

This Thing - King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard: Listening to the other album that King Gizzard put out this year is really making me appreciate how much of 180 Infest The Rats Nest was for them. This album is basically a Black Keys album of groovy fun songs about fishing for fishies with fantastic harmonica work and it makes it look even more like they just snapped when they did the next one.

The Warrior (feat. Patty Smyth) - Scandal: I've been very passively watching GLOW since the second half of season 2 and now I'm very passively watching season 3 and this song was the opening credits theme for the first episode. It fucking rocks I don't know why they don't just make it the theme song all the time. This sort of 80s hard-rock pop is very good when it's good and extremely bad when it's bad and I wonder if we'll ever see any sort of revival of it once 80s nostalgia nostalgia takes hold in 2030. Being a singer named Patty Smyth is very funny also. She's billed as a feature even though she was in the band because she left to try a solo career as soon as it was released, possibly even before. She is also John McEnroe's wife I just found out. What a life.

A Girl Called Johnny - The Waterboys: I found this song because I was googling to see if it's possibly to get a random album from spotify and instead foumd a guy on rateyourmusic who was generating random rym album pages and then listening to whatever came up if it was on spotify - which seems just as good. This was one of the albums he talked about and he seemed to like it so I listened and I did as well. Sometimes the best way to find new music is throw dice on the internet and see what comes up.

New Year's Eve - City Calm Down: The new City Calm Down is one hundred percent great and I have such admiration for them for making a complete left turn with their sound and sounding like a completely different band since their last album but being equally as great in both forms. It's very inspiring and it's also the second song of the month I've heard for the first time while walking around Richmond that's mentioned Richmond. Very spooky.

Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift: It's fucked up how good Lover is when ME! and You Need To Calm Down were so bad. It feels like they changed direction at the last minute and changed the tracklist dramatically because those two songs seem sort of wildly out of place, along with London Boy. It's so uneven it's basically two albums in one but when it's good it's extremely good. This song is fucking powerful. The way she straight up screams "he looks so pretty like a devil"? Amazing. What a crazy thing to shout. If you're interested I also resequenced Lover and took London Boy off it and it's a far better album in my opinion https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3LN1uAhp8BS8Ms4bgmHiVP

Kelly - Van She: I have no idea why but this is in the opening paragraph of Van She's wiki page: "Their label introduced them as a "new band from Sydney fresh on ideas, fresher than Flavor Flav, fresh like coriander, fresher than the Fresh Prince, fresher than fresh eggs."[2] Despite these claims, the band began with a sound very much rooted in the 1980s, heavy on synthesizer." which really makes me laugh. Van She had a very specific mid-2000s indietronica thing going that was really good as this song proves but they also did a bunch of remixes under the name Van She Tech that are very out there and completely different to the main band. Their remix of UFO by Sneaky Sound System I'm sure I've yelled about in these posts before, it's absolutely phenomenal. Anyway I guess what I'm saying is get you a band that can do both.

Shadow - Wild Nothing: Somehow I missed Wild Nothing back when they were a big thing and only listened to them this month. I listened to this whole album while I was doing housework and when it finished I though 'that was nice' and could not remember a single thing about it. That's the beauty of shoegaze! I had to listen to it about five more times for it to stick and now I'm getting more and more out of it every time, I love it.

Heaven's On Fire - The Radio Dept.: Years ago when I was having a major 'depressive episode' for about a fucking year I listened to this album Constantly and as a result for a very long time I couldn't listen to it without inviting megawatts of bad vibes back into my brain. Thankfully through hard work and time passing it appears I've fully healed my assosciations with this album which is fantastic news because it is delightful start to finish and worth getting obsessed with again.

Crystalised - The xx: It's nice to see news articles posted almost every day about which albums are turning ten years old. It makes me feel one million years old and viewing the world from a television in my hermit's cave. It feels hard to overstate just how much quiet influence the xx have had over the music landscape since 2009. Without The xx we don't have Royals and without Royals we don't have You Need To Calm Down, so. Something beautiful of theirs that I think is sad hasn't caught on in the intervening years is the idea of writing romantic duets when duets had been out of fashion for so long. They wrote a whole album of them and continue to! There's a beautiful contextual depth to it, in that it's two queer people singing not exactly to each other but with each other. In an interview they've called it 'singing past each other' which is a very nice way to put it.

Aspirin - Tropical Fuck Storm: I really appreciate the continual development of the guitars in Tropical Fuck Storm where they sound so pencil-necked and reedy in these angular little melodies and then sometimes explode into thick cacophanous howls, but what's especially good is in songs like this when they don't explode and instead just sort of sprout tendrils and crawl around each other. They're really drilling down on a very singular and very unsettling sound and I really love it. It is also a very interesting feeling to be walking around Richmond listening to this album for the first time and having him mention Richmond. Spooky even.

Pasta - Angie McMahon: "My bedroom is a disaster / my dog has got kidney failure" is an all-time great opening lyric for me. I love the way this song kicks up from the doldrums, like forcing yourself to do something just so you've done something today. Angie McMahon is so great and I'm getting more and more out of her album every time.

If I Had A Hammer - Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash: The way this song is performed here is so fucking cool. The guitar tone, June's voice and the general energy of it is just absolutely electric. It feels like Highway 61 Bob Dylan where it's still folk but it's got this massive power in it. The solo fucking rips in that very old fashioned way and when it finishes and that riff comes back in by itself it's just great.

Elvis Presley Blues - Gillian Welch: I was thinking about this song because I too was thinking about Elvis. I thought for a long time that the lyrics to this were ‘didn’t he die?’ and not ‘day that he died’ and I think I prefer mine more. Idly thinking about Elvis like “whatever happened to that guy? Must be old now. Wait, didn't he die? No way to know I suppose.”

Everything Is Free - Sylvan Esso: Rolling Stone had a very good article and interview about how this song about napster has had a resurgence and remained relevant through the streaming era which is a very good read. I love the original and really this version is very similar except for the one key difference where they really dig into the anger and frustration at the heart of it in the 'fucking sing it yourself' line.  https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/gillian-welch-everything-is-free-courtney-barnett-father-john-misty-725135/

It's Nice To Have A Friend - Taylor Swift: This is the strangest song on Lover and one of the best, I absolutely love it. It's a very old fashioned kind of Taylor Swift Love Story type song but it also has a a fucking trumpet reveille in the middle, so that really spices it up a bit. I also keep accidentally listening to this backwards - there's a few phrases like when she sings 'it's nice to have a friend' where the 'friend' lands on the offbeat but is accented like it should be ON the beat and because of the way the music is in this where it's just the steady pulse it's hard to tell whether the chime is supposed to be on the beat or on the offbeat. It feels like it sort of slides back and forth throughout the song depending on what everything else is doing around it. I don't know if that's intentional or not but it's a very interesting effect. This song is also, in my estimation, about a woman and is detailing a fantasy Taylor Swift is having where she can come out to the world with no fuss and enjoy a simple fairytale love story as a gay woman.

Psalm 42 / Chant For Pentecost - The Trees Community: I have a mental list of albums I google every few months to see if they've been added to streaming and by the grace of god one of them finally has been. Years ago I used to listen to this almost every night to fall asleep and I think it brainwashed me slightly in a delightful way, and now I finally have it back again! This is proper hippie music: a bunch of long haired new york christians who drove around the country in the early 70s in a school bus playing their elaborate and beautiful music for anyone who wanted to hear it. The multilayered, multi-movement construction of these songs is completely entrancing to me. It's not a hollow beauty, but one that brings new meaning to old words in the way they stretch and snap and waver throughout the song, moving past each other and through each other as it moves forward. I absolutey love it. Chant For Pentecost is a good illustration of the other side of them, a short song that starts sweet and turns almost maniacal. There's a wild-eyed feeling to the harmonies and the way this melody sits on a single tone for such long stretches before the frankly scary conclusion.

In My Father's House / Working On The Building - Elvis Presley: The backing vocals in these, and especially the bass vocals are so incredible. The way they work in the second verse of Working On The Building is so great, Elvis is the lead vocal but the middle harmony and somehow it just works perfectly. The harmonies is In My Father's House are amazing. The bass solo is mind blowing and the part about halfway through where Elvis swallows the mic and says "jesus died upon the cross [VRRMER] sorrow" is very funny. It's got it all.

The Greatest - Lana Del Rey: Norman Fucking Rockwell is an absolute masterpiece and this is the best song on it. Lana has always had a knack for this apocalyptic feeling but this is a whole other level.  https://www.stereogum.com/2056565/lana-del-rey-norman-fucking-rockwell-review/franchises/premature-evaluation/ The Stereogum writeup for this album was really great, and really nailed my opinion of her whole character thing as well, but he described this song as her version of that video that Ted Turner commissioned for CNN to play at the end of the world and it's really a perfect description. The part at the end where she says 'Kanye West is blonde and gone' is so chilling to me. Like Kanye losing the plot makes sense because he's only a few months ahead of the rest of us. He’s been a thought and culture leader for so long and it only makes sense that he’s spun off into space in these last days before it all wraps up.

listen here

[blackmissfrizzle]

Spring Break

Title: Spring Break

Pairing: Dean X Black!Reader, Sam, Bobby, Rufus, Trent (OMC)

Word Count: 2,082

Summary: Reader gets caught by her dad on a solo hunting trip when she should be in school ( college) instead

Warnings: Colorism, cheating, cussing

A/N: Finally got something out after having writer’s block. I’ve been wanting to do a fic with Rufus, but it wasn’t coming along in my head. Again, this fic is for all my black girls who love Supernatural but don’t get a chance to see themselves in the show or in fanfic.

What a shame, at this time you were supposed to be knee deep in sun, sand, and margaritas at South Padre Island, not knee deep in vampire blood and guts. But you can thank your cheating ass ex-boyfriend Trent for your change in spring break vacation plans. You just chopped off the last vamp’s head when you heard rumblings of a car. You were confident that you killed all the vamps, but just to be careful you did your best to hide your thick and curvy frame between two columns in the warehouse.

“What the hell? Who did our job?” one voice curiously asked.

The next voice, which was deep and low confirmed your guess on who the duo was, “Dude, who cares? Less work for us to do, but they at least could have cleaned up their mess.” Being familiar with their banter, you knew your two new guests were, Sam and Dean Winchester, your two favorite hunters, after your dad and Uncle Bobby. Finally, deciding to reveal yourself to the boys, you conjured up your best Crowley impersonation and emerged from the shadows, “Hello boys.”

“Y/N, what are you doing here? And by the way your British accent sucks ass,” the eldest Winchester said. Sticking up your middle finger and a mocking laugh, “Hardy, har, har. And by the way you’re the ugly Winchester.” Sam couldn’t help letting out a small chuckle while, Dean put his hands over his heart in mock offense, “Ouch, that hurts.” “Mmm, I’m pretty sure you been through much worse.” Looking up to ceiling in deep thought and finally making his way towards you for a hug, Dean replied “Yeah, you’re right.”

After hugging Dean, you went to Sam for a hug, “Hey Sam.” “Hey, Y/N. What are you doing hunting, shouldn’t you be in school?” Nonchalantly shrugging your shoulders, “Its spring break.” It was the eldest Winchester turn to speak, “Well, you sure don’t know how to spend spring break. Shouldn’t you be getting wasted and making questionable decisions, not hacking up vampires?” You were about to give a witty retort when you heard a third person enter the warehouse, “What the hell are you idjits up to? We don’t have all night.”

You smacked the two brothers across their shoulders, “You didn’t tell me Uncle Bobby was here!” Dean tried grabbing your attention, “Y/N, wait, There’s something you should-“But you didn’t give Dean a chance to finish, as you were making your way to greet Bobby. Unfortunately, you should have waited, because you weren’t expecting Bobby to be accompanied by the only person in the world you didn’t want to see right now. Giving the new duo a small finger wave, you greeted them “Hey Uncle Bobby. Hey Daddy.”

“Y/N Y/M/N Turner, what the hell are you doing here!?” You were racking your brain for a believable excuse, but you were interrupted by your dad before you could come up with one, “Nevermind. I’ll here it when we to get to the motel. Get your stuff little girl and follow me and Bobby,” then he pointed to Sam and Dean, “You two, clean up this mess, then meet back up with us.” Bobby and your dad turned on their heels making their way out of the building, and you followed behind them with your head down like a scolded child. As you made your way through the door you heard Dean complain, “How the hell we get stuck cleaning up her mess?”

*******************************************************************************************

“Dad-“

“Ah.”

“But, daddy-“

“Ah.”

“I have a really good reas-“

“Ah.”

“Aw hell, Rufus. Let the girl explain herself before you go about your bitchin’ and moaning.” “Go to hell Bobby.” Rufus raised his hand toward you, “Go ahead and explain how my lovely, beautiful, and smart daughter ended up making a dumbass decision to hunt a vampire nest alone and not being boggled down with school work.”

Dean and Sam had just entered the motel room when you were about to answer, “Its spring break,” Dean answered matter-of-factly. Your dad gave Dean his signature scowl, “Thanks smartass! But I was asking my daughter.”

Nervously scratching the back of your neck, you muttered out quickly, “Um, Trent may have most definitely cheated on me with his TA, which ruined my whole plan for spring break in South Padre. And I wasn’t gonna sit around moping after a sorry ass nigga.” There was uncomfortable silence in the room until your dad finally broke it, “I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna kill him nice and slow.” “Me too,” the rest of the men exclaimed.

Rising from your seat on the bed, you went to calm down the group, “Wait a minute guys. Its not that serious, and I handled it by the way. Trent has not one but two black eyes and some broken ribs, that he has to explain as a result of a horrible mugging instead of a beat down from his ex.”

“That’s my girl,” you dad and Uncle Bobby said in unison with admiration. But that didn’t get you off the hook. “That still doesn’t explain why you went hunting alone. You’re about to graduate in two more months Y/N, why risk it?” Gone was your usually surly and sarcastic dad and he was replaced with the sweet and worried dad that only you had the privilege of seeing. Sighing, you looked up to your dad, “Daddy, its practice, its to keep my skills sharp. Right now, I’m being recruited by the alphabet boys. Don’t you think if I can take down a monster with little to no problems, then fighting some human psychopath or terrorist should be a piece of cake?”

Sam interjected, “Rufus, she does have a point.”

“I know, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. Why the hell you interested in being a fed anyway? Why couldn’t you go to school to be a lawyer like your momma?” Smiling to yourself, you remembered your dad saying the same thing when you told him your career plans to be a federal agent. He couldn’t understand why you would choose a job so similar to hunting, but you told him like you told him before, “What’s the point of hunting, if there’s no world to save?” Rufus chuckled, “Damn it, little girl. You’re good. Next time just call for backup and save me from adding a couple more of gray hairs. I’m too damn handsome for that bullshit.” This time it was your turn to chuckle, “Yes sir.”

*******************************************************************************************

After a couple beers and greasy burgers, you left the quartet of men inside the motel room to have some alone time, because being the only woman in a group of men could get tiring and you needed the break. Thankfully, it was a beautiful night; the sky was clear with the moon and the stars shining brilliantly, and it was the perfect temperature: not too cold but not too warm, with a slight breeze.

Sipping on a beer and leaning against your car, you thought of Trent’s last words to you before you put the beat down on him, “You’re just not the marrying type Y/N. What man wants to marry a woman who gets into bar fights, curses too much, is a little on the heavy side, and refuses to put a relaxer in their hair. And let’s face it, if we had babies together, they be a little too dark for my taste.” That what was really pushed you over the edge. You weren’t mad about the cheating; you were pretty sure you loved the idea of Trent, but you weren’t head over heels in love. He didn’t catch your attention like a certain hunter, who appeared at your dad’s door three years ago. It was the unfavorably comments on your blackness that made you give him two black eyes and some broken ribs.

You were pissed at yourself that you didn’t notice his self-hate and anti-blackness at the beginning of your relationship. He would always comment on how he really enjoyed when you had straight weave, or suggesting a salad instead of a burger, or always planning indoor activities when he knew you loved being outside. It was all clicking together when suddenly you were being interrupted by Dean snapping in your face, “Y/N. Hey, Y/N are you okay?”

Blinking rapidly, you replied hazily, “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Mmmhmmm. Now tell me the real reason why you broke up with that jackass. I know cheating doesn’t result in two black eyes and broken ribs. Maybe one black eye and a messed-up car, but not all that extra stuff.”

“Promise you won’t tell my dad?” “Scouts honor!” You punched Dean in the shoulder, “You weren’t in the boy scouts” Nodding his head, “It’s true, but I promise your secret is safe with me.” Deciding to trust Dean with the truth you told him what Trent said. When you finished telling Dean, you could feel the anger vibrating around him, he had both hands in clenched fists by his sides. Dean growled, “I’m gonna do worse than give him a couple of black eyes and broken ribs. What the hell is wrong with him, you’re perfect.” Dean’s last comment caught you off guard. Did your secret crush just call you perfect?

“Perfect? I mean damn, I’m a Turner so awesomeness is guaranteed, but perfect seems a little far-fetched.” Dean turned you to face him, “Yes, perfect. Any woman who can match me drink for drink, kick my ass, and speak five different languages is perfect.” Holding up both hands, you corrected Dean, “Ten. I speak ten different languages.” Dean gave a thousand watt smile and help up his hands in mock surrender, “I’m sorry. Ten different languages.”

“I should’ve known better. The signs were all there. I paid attention to all the signs with you, I don’t know why I didn’t with Trent,” you muttered to yourself, but Dean heard. “What did you mean by the signs with me?” Rolling your eyes, “C’mon, Dean. You don’t date girls that look like me. You date the girls with ivory skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes.”

“You were wearing a yellow dress, that just made your skin glow. I for sure thought you were some sort of goddess and I was scared that I was gonna have to gank you,” Dean rambled.

“Huh? Dean what the hell are you talking about?”

“That was what you were wearing three years ago when I showed up at Rufus’s door with that bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, asking about Bela. Sweetheart, from that moment on I noticed everything about you. So, don’t ever in your life say, I don’t date girls that look like you,” At this point, Dean had your heart pumping a million beats per minute. He continued by grabbing your chin to look at him and dropped his voice even lower, “Because Rufus won’t be the only one you call daddy.”

Suddenly your throat was dry as the Sahara and your pussy was wet as Niagara Falls. Feeling bold from Dean’s words you inched your mouth closer to his, until you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips. Dean was closing the gap when an unexpected guest decided to make an appearance. “Oh hell no! Dean Winchester get your nasty ass hands off my baby girl,” your dad ordered while he stormed towards you and Dean. Dean reluctantly but hurriedly let go of you, so he could avoid the wrath of your father.

As you felt Dean’s hands leave your body, you felt you dad’s instead, and they were steering you toward your motel room. Pointing a finger at you, your dad ordered, “You stay here. Ya hear me?” You playfully rolling your eyes with a smirk, “Yes sir.” Rufus’s voice got stern, “I mean it, Y/N.” “I promise I will listen. Good night, daddy.” But you weren’t only saying good night to your dad, as you stood up on your tippy toes and placed a kiss on your dad’s cheek and gave him a hug, you made sure you were looking at Dean when you said daddy. He gave you a wink and smirk that were full of promises as he mouthed ‘Good night, sweetheart’ as he entered his shared room with Sam.

Once you got your dad to his room and you were laying in bed, you thought to yourself: maybe hunting during Spring Break wasn’t so bad after all.

Tagging those who liked a couple of my past fics: @meishaabae @dannixchristian @cosmicmelaninflower @lastaciontricia @asprinkleofweird @mml232 @aliceinchristmasland @xy-zero @1000roughdrafts @httpchxcxlateapple @hisxblackxqueen @eidetic-spencerreid @blacknthemix

[backpackbrigade]

Backpack Playlist 5/27/19

I no longer have a radio show so this is where I’m gonna be posting my thoughts and playlists! Have fun, who cares. Apple Music/Spotify links at the bottom. Enjoy. 

“Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” - Kate Bush, Hounds of Love (1985, EMI)

A gay icon, not much to say beyond that. We love some extra as shit background vocals.

“Bags” - Clairo, Immunity (2019, Fader)

First single off Clairo’s new LP coming out at some point this year. Literally all I can think when I hear the guitar line in this song is Avril Lavigne, and I say that with the utmost respect and love. Big ups to VW alum Rostam for the production on this track and Danielle Haim for drums - does this mean Clairo is now part of the PC Music squad AND the VW-adjacent rap/indie rock squad??? Her career is definitely pretty strange so far, but I’m hype to see her blow up beyond the world of the Youtube algorithm chewing up and spitting out DIY music videos. This track is also kinda full circle for her - in her big Pitchfork feature last year, she talked about being starstruck after seeing one of the Haim sisters on a plane listening to SOPHIE, and now she’s got one of them on a track. We love growth.

“Kisses 2 My Phone” - Sega Bodega, self*care - EP (2018, NUXXE)

Lona (aka MANIIK aka BABY GAMELAN) shared this EP with me last year, and it’s been rattling around in my head ever since. Some glitchy trap beats and subtly depressing lyrics about sending kisses to your phone and losing love. Scottish experimental pop kid who gets in your ears and won’t leave.

“Even the Shadow” - Porches, Pool (2016, Domino)

A classic, both Pool and their newer album The House (2018, Domino) remind me of a very specific time in my life when I was spending 12 hours in the photo studio every other weeknight and played Porches on shuffle to get through it. Very sad stoner synthy alt-pop for gay kids with lots of insecurity but dreams of 2014 soft pale tumblr aesthetic escapism!!

“Hatin” - Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats, Anger Management (2019, Sugar Trap)

Remember when Rico was just a Soundcloud kid with a stellar remix of “The Race” under her belt?? When I first heard that track in the background of a friend from high school’s Instagram story, I literally dropped my phone trying to lyric search it to see who sang it. Big ups to Lafayette (a newly minted Howard University grad :,) ) for putting me on. Rico’s always been bffs with Kenny, so this collab record isn’t surprising, but I didn’t expect it to be this good!!! Very excited to see her blowing up on Tik Tok rn, maybe she’ll finally get what she’s owed. And she deserves more than just a 2 second cameo in the Old Town Road music video………

“Dig” - Lance Bangs, Lance Mountain - EP (2016, Citrus City)

Reminds me of screamy jangly indie rock from the summer after my first year when I lived in a commune and got a stick and poke from a friend who was three mojitos deep. Also, Citrus City is awesome and we love to support VA labels!!

“Livin’ On a Prayer” - Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (1986, Vertigo)

Mostly putting this on here because it’s the ending soundtrack to a great little animated short film I watched recently called WORK (2009) by Michael Rianda. It’s a super 2009 short, but it’s fascinating because it feels like the aesthetic halfway point between Don Hertzfeldt’s Rejected (2000) and Bojack Horseman (2014-) style absurdity. It’s not the subtlest anti-capitalist cartoon out there, but it’s very cute and funny.

“20 Ghosts III” - Nine Inch Nails, Ghosts I-IV (2008, The Null Corporation)

Put this back to back with Bon Jovi because the weird guitar/vocal growls sound like the “Livin’ On a Prayer” digital doo-wops put through an insane pedal filter. Heard it for the first time when I was watching Laura Poitras’ documentary Citizenfour (2014) - she used it for the super haunting opening and closing scenes, and I can’t think of any better use for Trent Reznor’s sad garage dad phase guitar music.

“Guap” - Yaeji, Yaeji EP (2016, GODMODE)

No introduction necessary, hopefully. Gives me third year queer party vibes, and if you know what that means, congratulations. You’re part of an in-group now. Listen when you need subtle hype up music.

“Indica” - Dizzy Fae, Free Form Mixtape (2018, self-released)

When I showed a friend a picture of Dizzy Fae, their first response was that she’s probably from Amsterdam or Berlin or something and floats between secret clubs all week long before performing herself. She’s actually from Minnesota and is way younger than either of us assumed, so big ups to her for projecting the coolest vibes imaginable. Her vocal distortion is a little FKA Twigs, but she knows how to fuckin rap on the rest of the EP. Well worth a full listen.

“Flower Moon (feat. Steve Lacy)” - Vampire Weekend, Father of the Bride (2019, Columbia)

Best track on this new album, imo, but I can’t stop thinking about Vampire Weekend for a completely different reason. When this album came out, literally everyone was making fun of it for sounding like a Paul Simon redux. A lot of people praised it for the exact same reason lol. But Paul Simon’s relationship with cultural appropriation is a lot like Ezra Koenig’s, and not enough people have made that connection. Remember when Paul Simon broke the cultural boycott with Apartheid-era South Africa to make Graceland (1986)?? Everyone shit all over him for not only straight up taking South African music styles and centering himself in their vocal story, but doing it all in the midst of the largest cultural boycott in modern history. It’s a good album, I won’t pretend it’s not, but it’s deeply problematic and disappointed a lot of people who expected something better from a guy who knew what he was doing. Reminds me of 2008-2012 Vampire Weekend!! Anyway, listen to this track for Steve Lacy, if nothing else.

“Ur Phone” - boy pablo, Roy Pablo - EP (2017, self-released)

Another Youtube algorithm kid, boy pablo was in everyone’s feeds because this EP is the perfect summery shimmery gaze-y indie rock. His newer album is a little more uptempo than I personally like, but this track is *chef’s kiss*

“Can the Circle Be Unbroken” - The Carter Family, Can the Circle Be Unbroken: Country Music’s First Family (2000, Sony; original recording 1935)

Really not trying to wade into the country music discourse today, but this track is genuinely full of intense longing and sadness in a way that so clearly changed country/rock music and its relationship to the guitar.

“Before the World Was Big” - girlpool, Before the World Was Big (2015, Wichita)

Their new stuff fucking slaps, and seeing them come to terms with their gender identities is fucking beautiful!! But I always come back to these weird ass nursery rhymes. It’s literally just their harmonies and two guitars, and legend has it if you turn this up to full volume in your car and drive through your hometown, your unrequited high school crush will appear with their spouse and two kids just to rub it in.

“Vroom Vroom” - Charli XCX, Vroom Vroom - EP (2016, Vroom Vroom Recordings)

I mean. It’s Charli’s early work with SOPHIE, you’ve gotta just blast this shit and ruin someone’s life. The return to queer hyper pop over the past few years is the only thing sustaining my fucking mental health.

“Xternal Locus” - Chynna & Oklou, Single (2018, self-released)

Another track Lona played for me after I picked her up from work in DC. Lowkey enough to ***** to, highkey enough to **** to ;)

“Cinema” - Kero Kero Bonito, Totep - EP (2018, self-released)

KKB really did an about face with this record, but I still fucking love them. It’s still sunny and glittery pop, but with a chilled-out vibe. Their intense pop records are like the come up, and this is the chill smoke sesh the day after. Just vibey enough to let you chill out and kick back, but keeps you on your toes with some unexpected samples and glitchy moments.

“Jack the Ripper” - SadGirl, Breakfast for 2 - Single (2018, Suicide Squeeze)

We love surf rock, and that’s all I’m gonna say for this. You either vibe with it you’re bored as shit.

“watch you sleep.” - girl in red, Single (2019, self-released)

Music To Sleep To.

Playlists

[justlvckyviral-archive]

Hey all, so it’s Alex again this time bring you my little angry chihuahua Lucky. It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote him and I’ve made a couple of changes to make him fit the RP’s premise better so I’m still trying to work out a few of the new details. He’s kind of the worst and I hate him already but he’s also one of my all time favourite muses to write so please come love him. Also if you’re looking for angst, look no further since he’s basically a vessel for all of those plots. As always like this post if you want to plot or anything and I’ll come bother you, or just pop up in my IMs or on Discord!

「 LEE MINHYUK, CISMALE, 26, BRING ME THE HORIZON 」┈ did you read that latest viral gossip issue on JIHUN ‘LUCKY’ PARK?  he is the LEAD GUITARIST/BACKING VOCALIST in DAYBREAKER, one of my favorite ALTERNATIVE ROCK groups. they’ve been releasing music for EIGHT YEARS now, but viral gossip has only been talking about them for the last THREE YEARS. get this, i think i heard HE ANONYMOUSLY LEAKS STORIES (INCLUDING OCCASIONAL FAKES) ABOUT HIMSELF TO THE MEDIA IN ORDER TO KEEP HIS BAND RELEVANT. they’re known as the FIREBRAND of the music industry, since they have a rep for being  LOYAL but QUICK TEMPERED, but who knows. maybe that will change once they become #1. 

TW: Alcohol, Addiction, Traffic Accident, Loss of Limb

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I’ve accidentally written a small novel again, so I’m going to split it down into four key sections. Personality, Personal History, Career History and Other. I’ll also just throw a tl;dr at the top because good grief is this a lot. His plots page is here if anyone is interested, so if something catches your eye please come shout at me!

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tl;dr

Kind of antisocial guitarist in a metalcore turned alt-rock band. Raised in the UK. Punk af. Really short fuse that gets him into a lot of trouble. Sees the music industry as a game and knows how to play. Every move and response is calculated. Plays up to the media perception of him as some sort of villain. Doesn’t really trust people, especially if they’re famous. Super jaded, super bitter, super cynical. Rich parents who were never around. developed a drinking problem after being signed. Involved in a serious traffic accident shortly after third albums release that led to the loss of his left leg. parents paid to bury the story. relocated to america and checked himself into a rehab clinic. first album was a flop. second and third better. fourth blew them up. really doesn’t like where the sound is heading for five, but feels like he owes his band mates so is sticking it out. has a three piece side project that is highly political (27club VC: The Fever 333).

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PERSONALITY:

Firstly, and most importantly, Luck doesn’t like you. Lucky has never liked you, and he probably never will. He might respect you, or even be kind of neutral towards you, but never more than that.

There are very few exceptions to that rule, with the main ones being his bandmates and his siblings.

Has some serious self loathing that he’d never actually admit to.

Lucky considers himself a punk, an activist and a musician. In that order.

Has been describes as a journalist’s wet dream and a lawyers nightmare.

Values authenticity above all else. Both his and other peoples. Despises people who are fake (lol irony) and hates it eve more when other people call him fake.

Calling him a sell out or anything along those lines is probably not a good idea.

His first instinct is that people are only trying to get close to him to take advantage of his success and popularity. Probably because he does exactly the same thing to everyone else.

Loyal to a fault. If by some miracle you make it into his inner circle he’d actually take a bullet for you. He’ll always have your back.

The fact that he is so short tempered causes him so many problems? It doesn’t take much to light the fuse, and when he explodes things tend to get messy.

Which means that a lot of people are kind of scared off? And the ones that aren’t are just as volatile as him.

Absolutely no filter. Lucky will tell you exactly what he’s thinking or what he means with no regards for the consequences or your feelings.

Voted most likely to start a fistfight over something dumb five years in a row. Still holds the title.

Comes across as kind of frosty and callous even when he’s trying not to.

Has a serious problem with people taking advantage of others.

He is painted as kind of a villain type character in the media? But like, the villain you love to hate. I don’t know what the international equivalent is, but I’m thinking sort of like Trent Reznor in the 90s?  Kind of plays up to that trope, but he pretty much fits the label without trying.

Does not know what a healthy relationship looks like. Platonic, romantic, even familial: there’s always a catch.

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PERSONAL HISTORY:

Brace yourself for this because my boy has not had a smooth ride.

Jihun was born is Daegu, South Korea but moved to the UK (Specifically Sheffield) before he was old enough to start retaining memories. 

The second eldest child of two property tycoons with more time and concern for their business than their family, he was never close to his parents.

Childhood wasn’t exactly unhappy. His grades were decent enough to get by and having seven siblings meant that he was never without company. Despite hiring staff to watch over them, Lucky kind of grew up fast and felt a sort of almost parental responsibilty

As time went on and their parents became more and more distant from him and his siblings, he slowly grew to resent them.

By the time he reached his teenage years, Jihun began to see exactly how his parents did business. Shady backroom deals. Questionable partners. Bullying or bribing their way out of any trouble. 

They weren’t exactly good people.

He’d become increasingly jaded, bitter and cynical beyond his years and isolated himself from the few friends he had outside of the family.

He was convinced that they were only trying to get close to him because of his family’s money: After seeing how corrupt his parents were he’d lost a lot of faith in most people.

It was around this time that he also discovered his love of punk rock.

The scene in Sheffield was pretty small, but he instantly connected with the anti-establishment values and aesthetics. He threw himself in head first.

It didn’t take long for him to teach himself guitar (Four chords and the truth) and form the band that would go on to become Daybreaker. [See: Career History]

Though things started off well enough. They played shows, eventually got signed to a new small imprint of Universal and began releasing material.

Over the course of several years however, Lucky got himself involved in some pretty serious stuff. What started as casual drink quickly transformed into a cru to help deal with his new found fame. He developed a serious problem with alcohol.

Between the pressures of effectively raising his family, maintaining a career as a full time musician and trying to fit into a scene that was, he now realise, extremely toxic, he struggled to cope.

The sheer catharsis of punk rock had proved to be an effective coping mechanism, but for Lucky it had already reached its limits and so he sought solace elsewhere.

It reached a point where he was having his stomach pumped on a regular basis.

The turning point came one night in November 2014. Lucky was considerably over the blood-alcohol limit, and shouldn’t have been walking let alone driving.

And yet he found himself behind the wheel of their tour van with a member of their road crew in the passenger seat.

They were involved in a serious collision: a head-on crash with an oncoming truck. Frankly neither of them should have survived, but the passenger escaped with a few broken bones.

Jihun wasn’t quite so fortunate. As well as several broken ribs and a skull fracture, his left leg had to be amputated below the knee. With the aid of a prosthetic was eventually able to walk again, but it was the hardest period of his life.

He didn’t talk to anyone for the first three weeks of his recovery. Just sat there expressionless. 

When he’d first come around after the surgery and he was informed of what had happened he was told that he was lucky to be alive, let alone that he would be able to walk again. It was a them that kept resurfacing throughout the recovery process and one that has stuck with him ever since Hence why he goes by Lucky.

Once he was back in the world, something began to bother him. There had been no coverage of the accident despite him being a relatively prominent public figure.

As it turns out, that was his parents doing. They’d paid to get the story buried as well as any and all charges that could have been levelled against him. 

They would later claim that this was for the benefit of his career, but Lucky remained fairly certain it was to keep their names away from the bad press.

Since then his relationship with them has been complicated. He still doesn’t approve of their methods, but they also potentially saved his career. And could ruin it at any moment.

Needless to say it proved quite the sobering experience. Lucky knew that he needed to get clean, and so checked himself into a rehab clinic in LA. This was probably the second most difficult period of his life.

He completed the program and decided to relocate to America permanently. Hollywood was probably not the best place for him, but it was a damn sight better than Sheffield.

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CAREER HISTORY:

And now that all the trauma and angst is out of the way, lets talk about angry music.

Lucky’s first band, RedBtn, were awful. I mean truly terrible. Sure they were only 14 at the time, but the bassist could barely play and the vocalist couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

Needless to say they were not together for very long. It was long enough to spark a passion for performance in Lucky, and two years later he went on to form the group later known as Daybreaker.

They were marginally better. Gathering a small following in their hometown, their scrappy, rough around the edges take on metalcore was heavier than most other bands on the market.

Something else that set them aside was their aesthetics. It made them almost like black sheep of the scene. They looked too polished to be accepted by the hardcore kids, but sounded far too aggressive for a more mainstream audience.

This was a pattern that would continue until late into their career. 

Someone saw something in them though, and it didn’t take long before they were signed to  a small imprint of Universal.

Despite having some devoted fans, including Lucky), their first record (A proxy of Count Your Blessings) was almost universally panned. It was a Christmas miracle that they weren't immediately dropped.

By the time the second album (A proxy of Suicide Season) came around they were widely regarded as posers and dismissed by the rock community at large.

It was around this time that Lucky realized that the music industry was one big game, and in order to get anywhere they’d need to learn how to play.

From that moment on every action and potential response was calculated with a ruthless efficiency.

Every friendship, relationship, public appearance, quote, photograph. Everything was optimized to increase their presence and make them more visible.

And so Lucky decided that the best way to get more eyes on them was to cause controversy. As the defacto spokesperson he started showing a more confrontational side to the press, calling out critics and fans alike.

He would leak stories about himself anonymously.

Eventually he would take this characterization t the extreme. He has been pictured in physical altercations as well as the subject of a defamation suit all to keep their brand relevant.

The media began to paint them as villains: a band turning on their own scene with no regard for their peers or their fanbase.

He’d taken complete control of the narrative, and they were eating out of the palm of his hand.

It tended to divide people. You either loved Lucky, or you hated him.

It definitely worked though. The album received (Admittedly still muted) praise and secured their future for at least one ore album cycle.

It was during the production of their third album (A proxy  for the one with the stupidly long title) that Lucky went through his dark phase. The rest of the band remained mostly sober whilst he struggled.

He doesn’t remember much of the recording process and doesn’t really know the songs. If they ever slip one into the setlist, he has to go back and re learn it.

This was also the point in time where his relationship with the press began to sour. Whereas he had previously tried to pull attention towards him, at this point he hated the invasiveness.

They began reporting that he may have had a problem, and he furiously denied it, going so far as to issue take down notices and cease and desist orders.

Of course it only served to boost their infamy, and the album was their first to be widely lauded. They were on their way to major league success.

And then, one night in the middle of a November UK tour, the accident happened.

The tour was cancelled due to a ‘family emergency’ and the band went into a media blackout. Despite his insistence that they simply replace him and carry on, they waited until he had recovered before emerging into the spotlight once more.

After Lucky decided to permanently relocate to the US he was sure that, as much as he’d valued his time with the band, their time together was over. Imagine his shock then, when some of them decided to follow him.

Shortly after completing rehab, Lucky locked himself away in the studio, working on what would later be dubbed the crown jewel of their discography (A proxy for Sempiternal). The album detailed a lot of his struggles in a very coded way.

With lost time to make up for, Lucky returned to the character of the music industry’s cartoon super villain. He once again began leaking stories about himself to the press anonymously, fabricating many of the details.

There were certain topics that remained off limits. The accident. His addiction. His stint in rehab. Anything and everything else was fair game.

The record relaunched them into public consciousness in a bigger way than ever before.

Currently the band are at work on their fifth album (A proxy of That’s The Spirit) which is shaping up to become an even more commercial sounding album.

Lucky isn’t entirely on board. In fact he hates it, and considers it to be selling out their core values. But at the same time, he feels an obligation to see it out. 

His bandmates had risked their careers and stuck their necks on the line for him: who was he to throw that away because a guitar tone isn’t distorted enough

Because of this, Lucky decided to put together a side project. A supergroup of sorts (Although if he were to hear you call it that he’d seriously kick off.). A three piece punk rock band, 27club are a super high energy, extremely political group combining straight up hardcore with rap influences (VC: The Fever 333) [SIDEBAR: If y’all haven’t listened to letlive or The Fever 333 and you like rock music you're missing out. Jason Butler is the best singer of this generation Change my mind.]

Daybreaker will always take priority, but this gives him an outlet for angrier music, as well as a place to air his political leanings outside of interviews.

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OTHER:

Strong sense of social justice and regularly exercises that. Has a tendency of taking his activism a step too far.

Considers himself bisexual, but has never officially labelled it. Has been in public ‘relationships’ with both male and female partners

Has a boat load of tattoo, including the straight edge x’s on the backs of his hands

Vegan.

Rides a motorcycle which he loves more than he would his first born child.

Has three dogs. Two Pomeranians named Rollins and MacKaye, and a Boxer named Atticus

[narcisbolgor-blog]

Trent Reznor: Youre seeing the fall of America in real time

Hes survived infamy, addiction and a foray into tech. Now the Nine Inch Nails frontman has swapped his self-loathing for shame at the state of the nation

The title of Nine Inch Nails new tour, kicking off in Las Vegass Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, is Cold and Black and Infinite. To get here you must pass the tumbling dice, the restless women queuing for the Magic Mike live show, and the inert displays of Johnny Cash memorabilia. It is slightly incongruous, appearing as it does down the street from Backstreet Boys: Larger Than Life and Mariah Carey: The Butterfly Returns, but no less razzle-dazzle in its own way.

Since forming in 1988 as the brainchild of Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails have taken various anti-commercial elements industrial noise, songs about pain, absence and sex and hammered them into Vegas-ready shapes, showtunes for the goth-glam set. Thirty years on, Reznor the only official member until 2016, when his long-term British collaborator Atticus Ross was added is in one of his most fertile periods, having just completed a trilogy of releases with new album Bad Witch, six arresting tracks of wailing sax, acid house bass lines, and post-punk drumming, topped with Reznors trademark misanthropic lyrics (I eat your loathing, hate and fear).

Were just animals that, left to our own devices, will kill each other, Reznor shrugs, his regulation all-black attire making him blend into a leather sofa backstage. Were only out for ourselves anyway. This illusion that were more than that is nothing but that: an illusion.

This bleak worldview has barely changed since the bands beginning. After his parents divorced, Reznor, now 53, was raised by his grandparents in Mercer, Pennsylvania, a little, shitty town, a small-aspiration environment between Cleveland and Pittsburgh, the kind that in teen movies only has room for one hooded, bullied outcast. I was always good at math, and I was going to be an engineer, because you had to have a real job, Reznor says. Where I come from, there are no artists; artists were teaching at the high school down the street.

Click here to watch Less Than from last years Add Violence EP.

Long before the internet and with no access to cool college radio, Reznor was immersed in mainstream AM-radio rock. I could sing you every hit from the 70s, every word to every song, because I heard them all constantly. The idea of having a chorus and a melody, its beaten into my head. At 23 and working alone under the influence of Prince, the industrial label Wax Trax! and more, he started writing the songs that would make up the bands brilliant 1989 debut album Pretty Hate Machine: tinny, seething tracks that had definite shades of Depeche Mode, Nitzer Ebb and other twisted synthpop, but with a head-banging street-punk swagger that was totally new.

The lyrics conjured up a struggle between God, love and death as Reznor contemplated suicide, sin and salvation in sex. I fucked around with some bad music; I was trying to sound like other bands, he says of his pre-Pretty Hate material. I thought the Clash were cool so I was trying to be cool, too. Important political statements, no ones going to make fun of me for them. But the journal entries of a horny, sad guy who doesnt fit in ... He realised that the words he was writing in his journal to keep myself from going crazy were the real lyrics he needed, and Nine Inch Nails success was quick and exponential.

Today, with burly arms and designer stubble, he is still a rock star, but one with a top note of nerdish unease: shoulders ever so slightly tensed, head ever so slightly bowed. He says he has never fully grown out of the disquiet that powered Pretty Hate Machine and sent him into a gyre of self-destruction in the 1990s The Downward Spiral, to quote the title of the bands multi-platinum 1994 followup, infamously recorded in the house where the Manson family murdered Sharon Tate.

The self-destruct button was pushed when I first started writing, he says. There was a sense that I couldnt fit in anywhere, I couldnt relate to people; I felt alone, I felt angry about it. And part of me is still that. I felt like I was heading down into something that wasnt going to have a good ending. That ended up being addiction: its claws were in me but it hadnt fully revealed itself.

Reznor began drinking, then using hard drugs, culminating in an accidental heroin overdose in 2000 that nearly killed him. I wasnt the guy who aged 12 had a beer and turned into a werewolf, he says. It kind of crept up. I wasnt prepared for the transformative effect of fame and recognition. Now everyones here to see me, and I still feel like I dont belong there, that I dont deserve to be there, that I dont know how to act. I dont know how much of that is learned, how much is experiential, how much is in my DNA, how much is in how I was raised. But I found myself uncomfortable in a scenario where everybody wants to be your friend. Having a drink or two was a tool. It did help, for a while, until it started to define who I was. In every scenario I had to drink, because that was me now.

Someone who helped slow the rot was David Bowie, whom Reznor describes as his hero. He proposed a tour with Nine Inch Nails in 1995. Things in my life at that time felt unrecognisable, Reznor says, and Bowie definitely helped. Not in a lecturing kind of way, but I saw someone who had come through [addiction], and he was happy and optimistic and remained fearless. I thought: if he can do that, maybe theres light at the end of the tunnel. Versions of Bowies Im Afraid of Americans and I Cant Give Everything Away feature in Nine Inch Nails tour setlist.

Family affair With wife Mariqueen Maandig as How to Destroy Angels at Coachella. 2013. Photograph: Tim Mosenfelder/WireImage

He also credits his wife Mariqueen Maandig, with whom he formed the band How to Destroy Angels and had four children, and Ross, the Eton-educated studio wizard with whom, outside of Nine Inch Nails, Reznor has scored a series of films and documentaries. They won an Oscar for their work on David Finchers The Social Network. Over the last 18 years, weve probably spent more time together than we have with our wives, Ross laughs, wreathed in biscuit-scented vape smoke when I meet him later on. We work 11am to 7pm every day, and not on the weekend. Some people wait for inspiration. Our experience has been and Ive read this a lot about painters and writers I like, too that it comes from the act of doing it, and continuing to do it. Alongside the new Nine Inch Nails material, Reznor says the pair have been working on two major things and two minor things, neither of which he can disclose.

Reznors other recent extracurricular activity was working as chief creative officer for Beats Music later bought by Apple alongside the companys co-founder Jimmy Iovine, who signed Nine Inch Nails to Interscope in the 90s (and who has since married Rosss model sister Liberty). Reznor consulted on the streaming service that eventually became Apple Music. I was trying to make the experience of how people listen to music feel more akin to walking into a great indie record shop rather than an FTP server, he says. There was always a part of me that wondered: what would it have been like if I went down the other branch of my life? Namely, the one where he became an engineer in Mercer, Pennsylvania. But I dont want to do that, if I have the choice. It made me appreciate the life of the artist much more; I really prefer being a musician.

Corporate life over, he and Ross hunkered down for this latest trilogy, a reflection on the way we are now in the world we live in now, Ross says, and the scary things in America. A dark journey. For Reznor, the records started from this position of: I think I know who I am now, the chaos feels behind me, theres family life and stability. It was me daring myself to say: What if all that was bullshit? And what I really am is an addict in remission that cant wait to light a match to the whole thing? Aside from this flirtation with the devil, he and Ross describe it as a reflection on Trumps America. It feels like things are coming unhinged, socially and culturally, says Reznor. The rise of Trumpism, of tribalism; the celebration of stupidity. Im ashamed, on a world stage, at what we must look like as a culture. Its seeing life through the eyes of having four small kids what are they coming into? And who am I in this world where it feels like every day the furniture got moved a bit while I slept?

The first EP, Not the Actual Events, was a self-destruct fantasy binge that harked back to NINs 90s sound; the second, Add Violence, was addressing the same issue, but saying: Maybe its not me, maybe its the world, maybe this is all a simulation. Bad Witch came from a realisation that it is all our fault, after all: We arent these enlightened beings, here to take care of each other and think about our benevolent role in the universe as protectors and creators were just a fucking mutation and an accident. For Reznor, it wasnt merely Trumps presidency that brought on this Damascene moment it was our online behaviour. Weve got dumber, more tribalised; weve found niches of other people that focus on extremity. For the miracle of everyone sharing ideas, I see a hell of a lot more racism. It doesnt feel like weve advanced. I think youre seeing the fall of the empire of America in real time, before your eyes; the internet has eroded the fabric of decency in our civilisation. Social media meanwhile is poisonous: I dont think great art comes from being overly concerned or hyper-aware of what your audiences expectations are. Market your brand: thats part of what being an artist is, sadly. You can see why he left Apple.

Hallo Spaceboy Reznor (right) onstage with David Bowie in 1995. Photograph: mediapunch/Rex/Shutterstock

The other thing that gets both barrels today is popular culture. Reznor starts talking up the greatness of Childish Gambinos This Is America: Choreography: excellent. Camerawork: excellent. Whats actually being said: Im really thinking about it. I feel humbled by that it reminded me that the bar can be as high as it needs to be. I suggest that one of the best things about it was everyones evident joy at parsing its meaning online; I love rap trio Migos, but This is America was a reminder that we cannot live on escapist lyrics alone. That would sum up my cursory feelings on popular culture right now, he replies. Theres plenty of birthday cake, Migos being a great example theres nothing wrong with that. But isnt there anything else? There are times I dont mind being reminded of excellence.

While he admits that his alienation from pop culture might be down to his age, he suggests that he would like as many thinkpieces devoted to rock presumably including him as there are about hip-hop. How many Kanye West thinkpieces have the Guardian done in the last fucking month? he asks. Er, a few. The guys lost his fucking mind: thats the thinkpiece. His record sucked, and thats it. He has made great shit; hes not in a great place right now. So youd like the conversation to be wider? It would be nice, but theres no appetite.

Later, on stage, Reznor shows that Nine Inch Nails are still worth talking about. Holding the mic as if hes turned a lightsaber on himself, he vents half a lifetime of political anger and personal revelation into it. Its not coming from the same place as when I was 23 years old, but there is still rage, hed said earlier. Nine Inch Nails genius is to create a pit to contain that rage, and the audiences too. While the lights initially face the band, they slowly rotate during the show until they are facing out into the crowd: a small gesture of communion in Trumps America. Maybe it is not all cold and black and infinite after all.

Bad Witch is released on 22 June in the UK. Nine Inch Nails play Royal Festival Hall, London, on 22 June as part of Robert Smiths Meltdown, and Royal Albert Hall, London, on 24 June.

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