#but its okay cause i have barbecue

[sleepyc63]

cozy bbq <33

[wonderjanga]

I’m a Big Fan!

Billy and Mary are both big fans of Bulletman and Bulletgirl. They even had action figures of them. This affected their interactions with the couple when they were in their Marvel forms.

Marvel: “It’s a pleasure to be working with you, Mister Bulletman Sir.” *shakes his hand*

Bulletman: *literally feeling like his arm is being nearly jostled out of its socket* “You too.”

So, yeah. Bulletman’s first impression of Captain Marvel was that the man was sort of overexcited. He honestly thought the man was pulling his leg.

Marvel: “I used to have your action figures when I was a kid.”

Bulletman: “You… did?” *thought they were the same age*

Okay, the other man was younger than himself. Bulletman would’ve thought the Captain had aged poorly if the man hadn’t looked so good.

Meanwhile, Mary is chilling with Bulletgirl because she can get away with it because she looks fourteen.

Mary: “Can I please have your autograph, Miss Bulletgirl Ma’am?” *holding out a piece of paper and a marker she magicked from somewhere*

Bulletgirl: “Of course!” *signs it with a smile*

Marvel: *longingly looking over, wanting an autograph too*

Bulletman: *narrows his eyes, wondering why Marvel’s looking at his wife like that*

Mary: *sees this look* “Can I have another one? Addressed to someone named Billy?” *magics another paper up*

Bulletgirl: “Sure.” *signs the next paper*

Billy gave her the biggest hug when she walked over to them.

Mary: “Cap, I got the auto- ACK-”

Marvel: *hugging the life out of her*

Bulletman: *watching in concern as she pats his back a bunch of times*

Mary: *using the pats to try and to signal he’s crushing her*

Now Bulletman is wondering if he has separation anxiety from his kid. She is his kid, right? Also he’s very concerned about Marvel looking at his wife like that. He didn’t know if he should be relieved or even more concerned when the man showed more interest in being around him. But then… The edits came. Edits of them. Together. They haunt his dreams. He wasn’t even sure Cap was aware of them. Speaking of Cap, he had built up a steady friendship with the man. He was actually a pretty chill guy if Bulletman ignored the times the man’s inner fanboy would rev up.

Bulletman and Marvel: *working together to fight a villain*

Marvel: “Gosh, this is just like-” *rattles off a random obscure fight that happened before Bulletman was well recognized*

Bulletman: *gets distracted* “How do you know that?”

Marvel: “Cause-”

Bulletman: *gets launched off into a wall because he was distracted*

Marvel: *i fucked up face*

So yeah. Cap can get caught up in it, but hey, the man’s still nice. Bulletman invited him to a barbecue. Cap brought his kids. Bulletman still doesn’t know if they’re actually his kids or not.

[aetherdoesthings]

priorities

forethoughts: ✨guess who's sick again✨ i'm kidding i'm not sick. i have a few ideas i want to write out (all including arlecchino because she has my heart rn) so expect to see more aether original fics! i'm still writing requests rn; so if you want something to be written, send an ask!

notes: fem!reader, domestic life, protective!arlecchino, arlecchino trying to be a good wife

Being the Fourth Fatui Harbinger’s wife was probably the best thing in the world. For one, you didn’t need to be worried about being attacked out of the blue when you had a squadron of Fatui agents always watching you while you were out. Arlecchino always showed love and kindness to you, despite her cold and indifferent look. Even though her workload and job filled up most of her time, she always found time to talk to you and bond with you whenever she had even the sliver of free time. Arlecchino always sought to communicate and ensure everything was clear between the two of you to avoid as much worries as possible. Sometimes she would take you to the House of the Hearth to play with the children and join in on the family barbecues. In every essence, she was the perfect partner.

Your job was to watch over the mansion the two of you resided in while Arlecchino worked in the House of the Hearth, and make sure everything was in order. Nothing ever went wrong or put a stop to your task; you were an unstoppable force that would always complete your tasks everyday. 

Well, until you weren’t.

“Darling, I’m back.” You heard Arlecchino’s voice echo off the walls of the mansion. You stumbled off the couch in the living room, your brain taking an awful long time to readjust to its new state as stars filled your sight. You hobbled over to the door, one hand pressed against the wall and another on your temple. Your head was pounding, threatening to explode and kill you in an instant, while your muscles were numb and jelly-like. A cough was forced out of your mouth, causing your body to convulse and spasm. 

“I-I’m here…” You croaked, hobbling towards your wife. 

“There you are, darling. How are-” The sound of her heels clicking against the ground came to an immediate halt, before dashing towards you. You felt hands clutch onto your arms, one of them shooting up to your forehead. “Y/N, are you alright? What’s wrong? Your forehead is burning.” You swore you saw a flicker of worry and fear in those pools of darkness. Or maybe you were hallucinating. 

“I-I’m fine.” You coughed, causing another strike of pain in your head. You lugged one of your feet forward, then the other, hobbling to the kitchen like a drunkard. Arlecchino immediately blocked your path, her arms wrapped around your frail and weak body to stop you from moving or fall unconscious and hit your head. 

“You are the opposite of fine, my love.” Arlecchino stated matter-of-factly.

“I need to get s-started on dinner… need to…”

“Sshhh… sshh…” Arlecchino swooped you into her arms, carrying you bridal style as she marched towards your bedroom. “None of that. You are clearly sick. Your lips are ghostly pale, you’re coughing up a storm and sniffling, your forehead is burning hot, and you can’t even walk two steps before stumbling and falling.”

“I’m perfectly fine-” Of course a coughing fit struck you the moment you said that. Arlecchino stayed put, rubbing her hand up and down your back in an effort to soothe you.

“Deep breaths, darling. Deep breaths. It’s alright. You’re alright. You’re okay. You’re okay, darling.” Arlecchino whispered into your ear, pecking soft kisses on wherever was available, trying to calm you down. Once your cough had retreated momentarily, Arlecchino took the opportunity to carry you all the way back up to your shared bedroom, helping you change your clothes into your pajamas as she placed you down underneath the bed sheets like you were made of glass. She tucked you into bed, before scurrying over to the table where all your makeup was stationed, grabbing your makeup remover. She dabbed some of the liquid on some cotton pads before going back over to your frail body. Her fingers traced the contour of your face, removing all your makeup for you without you even knowing or feeling the pressure. Arlecchino rolled up her sleeves, worry and panic starting to plague her mind as she tried to stay calm and be rational for you. “Okay, I will be right back. I am just going to get some things for you.”

She was already out of the room before you could register and reply to her, and back before you could say a word. Arlecchino set down the tray of items she had retrieved on your nightstand, eyes always flickering towards you to monitor your state. 

“Arle… I swear.. I-I’m okay, I really need to-”

“You really need to shut up and let me take care of you, sweetheart. Open.” Arle held up the thermometer. You reluctantly opened your mouth, as she placed the thermometer under your tongue. 

“Close.” She ordered, while drenching a towel with cold water. You obliged to her commands, too weak to protest and do anything. Arlecchino laid the towel on your forehead, the heat radiating from your body overpowering the coldness of the towel. While it managed to bring some reprieve, it only lasted for a few minutes. 

“Can you sit up for me, darling? I just need you to take these meds and you can go back to lying down.” Arlecchino asked, a couple pills in her hand. With her help, you put yourself flat against the wall, your mind protesting about the change in altitude again. With the cup of water Arlecchino provided, you downed all the pills, and immediately slipped under the safety of the blankets.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick, darling?” Arlecchino sighed, her hand on yours as she rubbed small circles on your thumb. 

“I… didn’t want to worry you. C-Cause y-you’d have to come back home a-and take care of the work here.”

“Y/N, my dear, I’m your wife. I will always worry about you no matter what; your health and wellbeing is always my first priority. Please, do not ever hide from me if you are unwell or in need of something. I wish to be able to provide for you and treat you like you are a princess. Do not ever think you are an inconvenience to me nor a burden, that cannot be farther than the truth. I will handle the chores around the house and manage my work simultaneously. All I want you to do is sleep and rest, understood? Can you please do that for me, darling?” Arlecchino moved her hand to your face, cupping your cheek.

A small, weak smile crept onto your face, your eyelids growing heavy by the minute. You pressed your face into your wife’s palm, letting yourself bask in the warmth you loved to feel, instead of the burning and drowning heat of the fever you were experiencing. “So…Arle’s cooking tonight?”

Arlecchino chuckled softly, as she leaned down to plant a kiss on your cheek. “Arle’s cooking tonight. Don’t worry, dear, I’ll make your favorite. If you ever need me just call my name and I will come, no matter how quiet or loud you say it. Go get some sleep, okay? I’ll bring dinner shortly.”

“No you won’t.” You giggled to yourself, closing your eyes before Arlecchino could confront you and rebut that.

[dilfl0v3rss]

CAN WE PLS GET A onyankopon X BLACK READER FANFIC IDC IF ITS SMUT OR FLUFF PLSS

i gotchu boooo. i decided to do the fluff about the reader’s hair not cooperating bc as a black girl ts get real stressful😒

hair struggles

summary: ony comforts you when you struggle to recreate a hairstyle.

cw: fluffff

word count: 678

“cmon baby we gon be late” onyankopon sighed in irritation as he watched you try to redo your hair for the third time today. “if my hair not right we not gon be going nowhere” you were trying to redo a hairstyle you saw on tik tok a couple days ago. the first time it was attempted you looked perfectly fine, but of course that was on a day you had nowhere to go. now that you have this barbecue to be at, it seems like god thought it was the perfect time to play with you.

“ma dukes said she got plates for me and i’m not ‘bout to let them get cold cause you don’t like your hair”

you rolled your eyes at your big ass boyfriend, continuing to fix your hair. it’s not like the style was hard. it was a simple half up half down with a swoop in the front. this should be easy compared to the other styles you’ve tried, but your hair refuses to cooperate today and your swoop just won’t slick down.

“just leave me. i’ll take my car to the house okay?” you mumble as your eyes began to water. ony knows that when you feel your hair doesn’t look right you start to get so frustrated to the point where you’d give up on whatever plans you have for the day, but he seen no reason for the both of you to take separate cars to the same place. he was also really hungry and refused to let your moms great cooking go to waste.

“mama it don’t gotta be slicked all the way. if it waves up a little who really gon care.” ony remembered what you always told him about your curls so he added a lesson you taught him “you told me that wearing slick styles all the time can mess up your curl pattern anyway so what’s the issue wit just leaving it a lil wavy?” he says with a smirk, using your own facts against you. you knew he was right and didn’t really feel like driving so you wiped the tears from your face. you loved how ony always listened when you would talk about your hair whether it be about the products you used or just random facts.

“you right boo lemme finish up so we can go. i know you hungry as hell.” you sigh as your boyfriend smiled. he began to walk out of your shared room to go put his sneakers on at the front door. ony was wearing grey nike shorts with a white tee and his gold chains. it was a warmer day so he decided to throw on a his black fitted to hide from the sun and his space jams . it was the typical barbecue fit and you were expecting to see your brothers and cousins wearing a similar, if not the same, one. you decided to wear a grey romper with black sandals. a simple outfit since you could expect that you’d be walking around a lot and didn’t want to get really hot.

as you finally finished your hair you seen that it still wasn’t slicked down all the way, but you decided to just leave it after you remembered what your man reminded you. you smiled to yourself as you noticed that you didn’t even look bad and you overreacted a bit, walking out of your room to meet your boyfriend by the door. “you ready?” he said nervously, hoping you weren’t still upset. “yea baby let’s go before we late.” ony smiled, happy that you listened to him. he actually thought your hair looked better than the tutorial and began thinking about how your waved up hair kind of reminded him of the waves he had when he was younger. he was going to tell you that, but decided against it, knowing that you’d probably look at him crazy. “good because you look beautiful princess. now let’s go before all the food gone.”

[bradshawsbaby]

Something 🌶️ for the Bradshaws? “If you keep doing that I’m gonna have to pull this car over.” 👀

Okay 👀👀👀 How about the Bradshaws in the earlier days of their relationship, before they were married?

18+ content below the cut.

It was a perfect summer day.

Mav and Penny had hosted an afternoon barbecue at their place, which had been a great way to unwind and have some fun with your friends. You were so grateful for the fact that when you started dating Bradley, you’d gotten friendship with the Dagger Squad as part of the deal. As if you weren’t lucky enough.

As a perfect ending to a perfect day, you were currently curled up against your boyfriend’s side in the front seat of his Bronco, your head resting on his shoulder while you watched the sun paint the sky a vibrant array of crimson and fuchsia as it made its descent for the evening.

“I had a great time today,” you told him, lifting your head slightly to gaze up at him, admiring the sculpted angle of his strong jaw.

Bradley had his eyes on the road ahead as he drove in the direction of your place, but he glanced down at you quickly and gave you a smile that set your heart racing. “I’m happy to hear that, baby. I had a great time, too,” he replied, reaching out with one hand and lightly squeezing your leg.

You couldn’t help yourself. How could you when he was sitting there looking so good and you were still riding the high of a wonderful day? Shifting in your seat slightly, you draped yourself over Bradley’s shoulder and began pressing soft kisses to his cheek and jaw, slowly working your way downward until you were peppering his neck with slow, sensual kisses.

“Honey,” Bradley murmured in a husky voice, shivering slightly as he attempted to maintain his focus behind the wheel.

“Mmm,” you sighed softly against his skin, sucking gently on the pulse point just beneath his ear. The smell of him was intoxicating and you couldn’t get enough. As you continued to kiss, suck, and nibble on his neck, your hand began to slide down his chest and you could feel his body stiffen in response.

“Honey,” he said again, this time a warning.

“Yes?” you asked sweetly, gazing up at him.

Bradley chuckled, glancing at you affectionately. “If you keep doing that, I’m going to have to pull this car over,” he informed you.

Grinning, you went right back to smothering his neck in affection.

“I told you so,” Bradley insisted, turning off the road he was driving on and putting the Bronco in park on a quiet side street.

“Mmm, maybe that was my master plan all along,” you teased, letting out a little squeal of delight when Bradley pulled you into his lap, your legs straddling one of this thick thighs.

“Oh, yeah?” he chuckled, kissing you tenderly. “So what’s next then?”

In response, you wrapped your arms around him and dug your fingers into his hair, kissing him with a fervent passion that had your blood humming in your veins.

“I like this plan,” he murmured breathlessly, sliding his hands under your little eyelet sundress so that he could cup your behind, kneading the skin gently.

“Oh, baby,” you moaned softly, slowly starting to rub your clothed core against the fabric of his jeans. It caused a delicious friction that had you squirming and biting down roughly on your lower lip.

“Does that feel good?” Bradley asked, cupping your face in his hands as you continued to grind down on his thigh. He ran his thumb over your lips, loving the look of pleasure burning in your eyes.

“Y-yes,” you gasped out, your body shuddering from the intensity of the sensation. “So good,” you sighed, resting your hands on his shoulders.

Gently placing his hands on your hips, Bradley started to guide you, watching in amazement as you began to ride his thigh in earnest, throwing your head back and letting out loud cries of ecstasy.

“Bradley! Oh, it feels so good!” you whimpered, gazing deeply into his eyes. “I think I’m going to—oh, I’m—I’m—”

“Go ahead, honey,” Bradley encouraged you, pressing a kiss to your chin.

You fell apart then and there, your whole body trembling as you came down from your high. You clung to Bradley, laying your head on his chest as you caught your breath.

“That was incredible, baby,” he whispered, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. “But now I have to get you home so we can finish what we started!”

[sadie-bug345]

gang as condiments🤨

i’m fr bored asf AND on my way to dinner so this type shit is on my mind rn🤷‍♀️🧌

ponyboy:

bro just screams ranch lover

and he the type to always talk abt how much he looooves ranch

like bro i like ranch too but im not drinking bottles like you are😭😭

hes actually so real for liking ranch though

W condiment 7/10

johnny:

this one was harder cause i think johnny is so chill

like bro couldn’t care less what sauce packets you give him for his chicken sandwich

but he prefers ketchup

classic, normal, AND widely available so all boxes are checked🤗

6/10 cause sometimes ketchup is too basic (plus johnny the type to forget to shake the bottle😧)

sodapop:

fry sauce fs

if yall don’t know it, it’s mayo and ketchup mixed together

IT SOUNDS BAD HEAR ME OUT

just try it okay🙏🙏

when soda feels a little quirky he’ll add some sriracha sauce and chefs it up

soda the type to make any mundane thing fun

to the point where he makes the WILDEST food concoctions just for laughs

but it gets to the point where it’s still funny but highly concerning 😟

darry:

now i hate to say this but bro probably likes yellow mustard🫢

he’s not super adamant about telling people but the gang makes fun of him SM

he always snaps back tho w some classy older sibling comeback

side note, he the typa guy to say “let’s fire up the grill😀” when it’s fourth of july and they’re having burgers and hot dogs

no hate tho🫡

2/10 i can’t condone the constant use of mustard

dally:

bbq sauce lover

which i mean he’s so real for that

pretends to not give a shit but we know he does🙄

thinks he acts as lowk as johnny w shit like this but if he gets a sandwich from someplace that messed up his order he’ll throw a total fit

”you seein’ this johnny? blech they put mayo all over my burger ‘stead of barbecue or somethin’ decent…what a dump..”

johnnys like “mhm🙄” *not even paying attention*

”maaaan you see this crime against humanity? what is this, huh?”

twos like “and YOU know a lot about crimes don’cha dal?”

dally kicks two bit in the shins under the table

8/10

two-bit:

realistically he likes honey mustard type sauces or none at all

but to fw people he’ll combine sauces and it’s actually so foul

my friend will do this and mix together ketchup and ranch to call it “kranch” and i tried it cause yolo and its death oml

once two gets the sauce packets just run cause he’s bouta fuck that place up💀💀

3/10 only redeemed by his genuine taste in sauces

steve:

lowk didn’t know what to put for him so if there’s any steve lovers out there lmk what you guys think he’d like‼️

but he seems like the type to like most sauces but he puts an ungodly amount on his food💀

like every fry has gotta be totally covered in ranch or smth

def the type to double dip a chip btw😟

anyways 5/10 not really sure to think 🤨

ANYWAYS ilysm always and request hcs, imagines, anything or if you wanna talk my messages are open!!

[sickmachete]

HEY !! HERE ARE SOME RANDOM FIRE SAFETY TIPS !!

AVOID HILLS. seriously. the radiant heat coming off the flames pre-heats nearby grasses/fuels located above (heat rises!) which is what cause fires to "run" up hills lighting up long strips in the blink of an eye. you cannot outrun a fire that's chasing you up hill.

EVEN IF you are standing below the fire all it takes is one stray ember blown in the wind to start a fire below YOU and then you're really screwed. if you're caught on a hill, run to the side and (if possible) try to get to any charred/burnt zones behind the fire.

charred/already burnt black areas are safe zones. they will not easily re-burn and can become refuges to retreat to (but still be mindful of smoke inhalation).

healthy green grass lawns can also be temporary safe zones. the moisture held in lush grass makes it a lot more difficult to catch fire and can work as a temporary refuge in the case of a house fire. however, TO BE CLEAR: this does NOT apply to tall forest meadow-type grasses. when i say healthy grass im talkin like suburban manicured lawns okay? if your lawn is looking crusty dry brown then thats not gonna be a good place to run to.

most mild carbon monoxide poisoning (aka smoke inhalation) can be cured by simply taking in fresh air. severe smoke inhalation may require further medical treatment though.

fire needs FUEL + OXYGEN + HEAT in order to burn. if you removed ANY of these 3 things, the fire will go out. this is known as the fire triangle. the reason why water works against fire is mainly because it's cold, however it also helps by "drowning" the fire, depriving it of oxygen.

on this note!! if you're cooking and your food catches on fire inside the pan, DO NOT! pour water onto it!!!! that will only make it splash. what you're gonna wanna do is grab a pot/pan lid and gently slide it onto the pan. this will cut off its oxygen and put the fire out. DO NOT! slam the lid onto the pan!! this rush of wind/air could blow the fire right out of the pan and directly onto you/nearby furniture!

CHECK YOUR FIRE EXTINGUISHERS!!! please!! not all fire extinguishers are meant to be used on the same fire!!! while it can vary (and you should definitely look up the ratings for your own location/extinguishers) many of them will have specific class ratings written along the label. here in the USA, those ratings are in letter form (ie: Class A, Class B, Class C, Class D, and Class K). sometimes these ratings are combined (ie: Class ABC), meaning that a Class ABC fire extinguisher can be used on a Class A, B, or C fire.

FIRE EXTINGUISHERS AND THEIR ASSIGNED FIRES

CLASS A: these extinguishers should be used on wood/paper/plastic (ie: your basic trash fire).

CLASS B: these extinguishers should be used on flammable liquids (ie: alcohol, gas, petroleum, greasing oils <- not food oils though!!).

CLASS C: these extinguishers should be used on electrical fires (ie: sparking cables, your computer spontaneously combusted and is on fire, etc).

CLASS D: these extinguishers should be used on combustible metals (ie: magnesium, titanium, potassium, sodium, etc. if that metal shit in your garage is burning, use Class D).

CLASS K: these extinguishers should be used on flammable cooking oils/greases (ie: your stove is on fire, your barbecue's on fire, etc).

CLASS ABC: these extinguishers can be used on any of the Class A, B, or C material fires.

DO NOT USE THE WRONG EXTINGUISHER. they are labeled differently for a reason!!! a Class ABC extinguisher (for example) will make a Class K fire splash! you will cause that big old greasy fire to splash right back onto you!! Class K extinguishers are specifically designed to safely put out fires without disturbing the liquids/oils so please please please check the labels of your extinguishers.

AND REMEMBER TO "PASS" !!!

HOW TO USE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER — P.A.S.S.

PULL the pin in the handle.

AIM the nozzle at the base of the fire.

SQUEEZE the lever slowly.

SWEEP (across the base of the fire) from side to side.

[redriotinggg]

When Sanji is bitten by a spider that has eaten the Cupid-Cupid Fruit, the Straw Hats learn there is only one way to cure his illness.

A genuine love confession.

There’s only one crewmate capable of the job.

(read on ao3!!)

—

The Straw Hats have stopped at a small summer island to gather supplies, stock up on necessities, and do any repairs to the Sunny.

When the bulk of the hard work has been done, their captain insists on a bonfire, having found a perfect clearing in the forest.

Sanji’s by the grill, cooking up plenty of burgers, hotdogs, kebabs, and other barbecued treats to fill his crew’s voracious appetites.

He happily watches his crew enjoy their afternoon—Brook’s violin emitting a joyful tune, Nami and Robin engaged in an intense game of cards, Franky enthusiastically sketching something onto a large page, Zoro fast asleep on the grass, and Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp running around as they play their own variation of tag.

Perhaps Sanji’s gaze is drawn to one of his crewmates in particular, following the flow of his curly hair, smiling at the sound of his laughter.

Perhaps. Sanji won’t tell.

“Woah! Look at that!”

The rowdy trio’s game of tag comes to a halt at Chopper’s cry. Luffy and Usopp look to where the reindeer is pointing, their eyes lighting up when they spot the thing that caught his attention.

“Cool!” Luffy begins to race over, but he’s stopped by Usopp.

“Wait! Don’t run, you’ll scare it!”

The trio carefully make their way over to a nearby tree, their attention grabbed by a fairly large spider.

Sanji shudders when he sees the creature. He looks away, focusing on the food. He is not interested in the further details of their exploration.

Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp fawn over the spider, speculating on its species and origins.

“It’s markings kinda look like hearts,” Usopp observes. “They’re even a pinkish-red colour.”

“Aw, so cute!” Chopper squeals.

“I’m gonna name it Cupid!” Luffy declares. “That guy’s in charge of hearts ‘n stuff, right? This lil' girl could be his pet or something,” he laughs.

A bit later, Sanji calls out to them. “Oi, get your asses over here, the food’s ready! And wash your hands if you’ve been touching bugs!”

Saying their goodbyes to Cupid, the boys rush over to claim their dinner.

The crew happily enjoys their meal, thanking Sanji with wide grins that only get wider when he presents them with dessert.

As the evening turns to night, the crew wind down, packing away their belongings and making their way back to the Sunny.

“Are you sure we can’t stay and camp?” Luffy whines. “It’s like, the perfect night for it! We've got the perfect spot!”

“No,” Nami denies flatly. “We didn’t bring the stuff for it and it’s already getting late. Plus, I want to sleep in my own bed. Now hurry up and get going! Franky! Turn on your flashlights, I can’t see!”

“One set of nipple lights, comin’ up! Ow!”

Usopp and Sanji take up the rear, picking up the last of Sanji’s portable kitchen gear. The chef is happily listening to the sniper’s latest tale when he feels a pinch on his ankle.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“Sanji! Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think something just bit me.”

Usopp looks in the grass, trying to find the culprit. When he does, he gasps. “It’s the spider from before! Cupid, why’d you go and bite Sanji? That’s not nice!”

“‘Cause it’s a good for nothing insect,” Sanji grumbles.

“Actually, it’s an arachnid—”

“You better not have poisoned me, you stupid bug,” Sanji yells at the spider, which scurries away.

“It’d be venom, not poison.”

“You are not helping!” Sanji snaps. “What is this, a Robin impression? Stop with the unnecessary bug facts, this shit hurts!”

“Does it really? You should get Chopper to look at it as soon as we get back to the ship. Here, gimme your stuff, I’ll carry if for you.”

“I can carry it myself, asshole. I’m not that weak.”

“Really? ‘Cause if you’re in pain, the Great Usopp would be more than happy to carry you back to the Sunny.” Usopp smirks and flexes his muscular arms, sending Sanji a wink.

Sanji pretends like his heart isn’t trying to escape his chest and throw itself at Usopp’s feet.

Internally, Sanji is a mess. Externally, he rolls his eyes and hefts his baggage further in his arms.

“You do two push-ups and think you’re a strong guy now, huh? C’mon, let’s go before any other bugs try to make a meal outta me.”

When they make it back to the Sunny, all of their things put away, Usopp continues to hover by Sanji, his concern rising with each passing moment.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Usopp asks. “You’re all red. You shouldn’t be sweating this much.”

“‘M fine,” Sanji mumbles. The way he sways on the spot doesn’t do much to help his case.

Usopp holds him steady, in full crisis mode as he watches the usually stable chef falter. He hoists Sanji in his arms, dashing to the infirmary. “CHOPPER!”

“What happened?” the doctor asks. Usopp puts Sanji on the bed and recounts the tale.

By now, the rest of the crew has come to investigate the cause of the commotion. They all stand in the doorway, shocked to see their crewmate suddenly so ill.

“It’s only been like 20 minutes! Why does he look bad already? Sanji, don’t die!”

Usopp’s dramatic cry unfortunately has some merit. Sanji doesn’t look well. He is the complete opposite of the perfect picture of health he was less than an hour ago. In just a few minutes, Sanji seems to have lost all of his energy. He’s flushed and sweating, breathing heavily and brows furrowed as he fights some type of pain. Even his usually shiny hair is limp and brittle-looking.

Usopp’s heart positively breaks at the sight.

“I can’t make him a proper anti-venom without knowing exactly what type of spider that was,” Chopper states. He clicks his tongue as he looks at the inflamed, red bite mark on Sanji’s ankle.

“Brook, you help me get Sanji out of this suit. Everyone else, get out so I can treat him. Now!”

The rest of the crew gather on the deck, concern on all of their faces.

“Usopp,” Robin says, pulling the sniper from his worsening spiral of anxiety. “You said Sanji was bit by the same spider that you saw in the forest, right? Draw me a picture. We can use it to get information from the locals.”

Usopp nods. He runs off to the galley and grabs a sketchpad nestled between Sanji’s collection of recipes and cookbooks. Before long, he’s got multiple drawings of the spider, complete with colours and accurate depictions of its heart-shaped markings.

Franky and Nami go to the hospital to ask about an anti-venom while Luffy, Zoro, and Robin go ask around town.

On the Sunny, Usopp paces back and forth, biting his nails and their beds away to nothing as worry engulfs him. He peeks into the infirmary, heart breaking a little more every time he catches a glimpse of Sanji’s pained face.

“Sanji will be alright,” Brook assures him when he exits the room. “He’s stable for now. Our cook is strong. He’s got the best doctor caring for him and crewmates desperately seeking out information. He’ll pull through.”

Usopp tries his very best to believe him.

The rest of the crew returns to the Sunny in less than an hour. Everyone, except Sanji, who’s resting in the infirmary, gathers at the kitchen table.

“Turns out that our little spider has eaten a Devil Fruit,” Robin tells them. “Everyone in the area is familiar with the spider that has eaten the Cupid-Cupid fruit.”

“Wait, the spider is actually related to Cupid? That’s hilarious! I’m like a fortune teller! Hahahaha! Ow!” Luffy rubs his sore head, pouting at Nami.

“A bite from the Cupid Spider can do multiple things, depending on who is bitten," Robin continues. "However, it only causes illness in someone who has a requited love but has not actually expressed their love. To save Sanji, whoever is in love with him must tell him the breadth of their true feelings, lest he remain bedridden forever. Or worse.”

The crew sits in silence for a moment, reflecting on the information.

“Alright, who’s in love with Sanji?” Luffy demands.

All eyes go to Usopp.

He is so red in the face Chopper is concerned he'll pass out. His eyes are so wide Zoro wonders if they'll pop out of his head.

"What are you waiting for?" Nami cries. "Get in there and confess your love so Sanji gets better!"

"I-I-I-I-I-I'm not—"

"Oh, please, this is not the time for your anxious, denial bullshit! Go fix Sanji!"

"Can't we just kill the spider instead?" he suggests meekly.

Luffy and Chopper gasp in betrayal.

"That would be a bad idea," Robin warns. "That spider is very well-respected on this island. Causing it harm would no doubt incur the wrath of all the locals. There is nothing you can do but speak from the heart."

"You got this, Usopp-bro! Just tell Sanji how you feel! It'll turn out super!"

On stiff legs and with wobbly knees, Usopp leaves the galley and makes his way back to the infirmary, deaf to the sounds of his crew's encouragements.

Despite his desperate pleas to the universe, Sanji is awake when Usopp steps inside. He looks even worse than before. His skin is pale, covered in a sheen of sweat. His eyes are lidded and he's got bags under them like he hasn't slept in days. But even still, a smile lights up his face when he sees the sniper.

"Usopp," he says, voice quiet and raspier than usual. His smile is no less bright.

"Sanji," Usopp returns, taking a seat next to the bed. "I've got news. So, turns out that the spider that bit you has a Devil Fruit power."

Sanji scoffs. "Of course it does. Just my fucking luck. So, what? It ate the Sick-Sick fruit and now I'll feel like shit forever?"

Usopp chuckles drily. "No, nothing like that. We can actually help you pretty easily. Or, I can, anyway. I just... I have to... to..."

The sniper closes his eyes as a fresh wave of anxiety washes over him. He can't do this! It's too scary! But he has to.

How many times has he been in this position? Forced to watch someone he loves suffer from an illness, unable to do anything but try and distract them from their pain.

This time is different. Usopp can stop this. He can stop Sanji's suffering. All he has to do is be honest.

Well, best to rip off the band-aid.

Taking a deep breath, Usopp grabs Sanji's clammy hand in both of his. "I love you!"

"I-I've loved you for a long time, Sanji," Usopp admits, and the words start flowing, unable to stop. "I don't know when exactly it started, but I know that I do because I think you're so amazing! You're so cool, and strong, and talented. I love that you act all grumpy but you're actually extremely kind and considerate. I love spending time with you! I love it when you tell me stories about Zeff and the Baratie. I love that you always ask me questions when I'm telling you about something because you make me feel heard. I love that you always wrap your arms around me when we party. I love it when you smile at me and dance with me.

"I love how you look in the early morning and when the sun is setting. Well, I love how you look all the time because you're so gorgeous it isn't fair! All handsome and pretty at the same time. You dress nice, and you smell nice, and you make me food and protect me—! Sanji, I love you!

"I'm sorry it took a stupid spider to force me to say it but I lov-"

Usopp's speech is cut off as desperate lips meet his own. He melts into Sanji's embrace, returning the kiss with all he's got. His heart is beating so fast he thinks it might pop right out of his chest, but nothing could possibly take him away from this moment.

When they pull apart, foreheads resting against one another, Usopp is taken aback by Sanji's appearance. He looks as healthy as ever, save for his very intense blush. But his eyes are shining and his smile is hopeful and adoring.

"Do you mean it, Usopp? Do you really feel that way about me?"

"I do. A-And you? D-do you feel...?"

"The same," Sanji promises. "Everything that you said, I feel the same way. Usopp, I love you! I—did you really just cure me with a love confession?"

Usopp blinks, and then he bursts out into laughter. Sanji joins him, the two holding one another as they laugh at the absurdity of the situation, their hearts full to bursting.

"Anything is possible on the Grand Line," Usopp reminds him. "Especially for the number one lover on the seas, the great Captain Usopp!"

"Number one lover, huh? I don't know if I believe that." Sanji pulls Usopp in close, whispering into his ear. "I think you'll have to show me."

"T-that can be arranged."

Usopp leans in and Sanji goes to meet him, lips pressing together again, and again, and again.

[ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask]

42. "Is this okay?" - John, new to gift giving, giving something nice to Linda.

Or...

38. "I like your laugh." - Fred to Kelly when he tells her a joke that caught her off-guard.

From this prompt list again!

42. "Is this okay?" - John, new to gift giving, giving something nice to Linda.

“What’s this, Chief?” Linda asked casually, nodding her head at the small package resting on her bunk. They were alone in Blue Team’s designated barracks – Fred and Kelly had wandered off some time ago, most likely to cause problems somewhere near S-Deck. Usually their conspicuous absence would have made John nervous, but today he was grateful for the privacy. “Something the armory scrounged up,” the Master Chief responded, trying to keep his tone light and casual. “Thought you might like to take a look at it.” A small smile graced the sniper’s pale pink lips as she shot John a sideways glance, her hands reaching out to snatch the parcel off her pillow. “And just what might I find in here?” she prodded carefully, studying the plain brown packaging with mounting interest. John felt a smile of his own cross his lips as Linda’s curiosity quickly got the better of her. “I guess you’ll just have to open it up and find out,” he answered cryptically, enjoying the annoyed eyeroll that his deflection earned him. He grinned even wider when, less than five seconds later, Linda was eagerly opening the recyclable container to reveal the secrets hidden within. Suddenly, though, the legendary Master Chief felt an uncharacteristic sensation of nervousness grip the base of his spine. He’d read Linda’s file, and as such he knew that her birthday was coming up in a few days. Spartans didn’t customarily celebrate birthdays, but he’d felt the need to get her something to commemorate the day of her birth anyway. At the time he hadn’t been sure why, and now he wasn’t sure why he was so worried about liking what he had chosen for her. Linda made quick work of the packaging, then slowly lifted the cloth-wrapped present hidden inside. “Is this what I think it is?” she asked, shooting John a look from beneath her scarlet eyebrows. Without waiting for an answer, her nimble fingers quickly removed the soft cloth and revealed the Oracle XS – a new scope for the SRS99-series sniper rifles that was still in its experimental phase. Linda stared at the scope in her hands for several long moments in perfect silence. With every passing second, John felt his anxiety increase. “Is… is this okay?” he finally asked haltingly. He knelt down beside her, finding comfort in just her proximity. The sniper finally tore her eyes away from her gift and smiled brightly at John. “It’s perfect,” she breathed happily. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my hands on one of these things for weeks.” When John let out a relieved sigh, Linda just chuckled. She leaned forward and gently rested her forehead against his, her cool skin immediately banishing the tension he had been feeling. “Thank you,” she breathed, closing her eyes and contentedly leaning into him. John allowed his own eyes to flutter shut as well as he leaned into her touch. “Happy birthday,” he whispered.

38. "I like your laugh." - Fred to Kelly when he tells her a joke that caught her off-guard.

Kelly didn’t mean to laugh so hard. Fred had merely pointed out a grunt that had been burned to a crisp by some kind of explosion during the battle and said, “If they’d invited me to the barbecue, there’d be nothing left.” It wasn’t even that funny. But she was tired, possibly concussed, and it was a little funny… so she laughed. She laughed a lot harder than she’d meant to. She laughed until she snorted. Now they were standing, stock still in the middle of a war-torn street. Kelly felt her cheeks redden as she realized that Fred was staring at her, his head cocked ever-so-slightly to one side as he studied her curiously. “Got something to say?” she asked, her voice somewhat defensive. Fred stared at her for a few more seconds in silence. Then he shrugged nonchalantly – no easy feat when fully encased in MJOLNIR Mk IV armor, but somehow he made it seem as fluid and easy as if he were completely unencumbered. “I like your laugh,” he finally explained, the smile on his lips clearly evident in his voice even though it was hidden behind his helmet. Then he turned and continued down the street toward the designated rendezvous point. Kelly watched him go, trying unsuccessfully to convince herself that she wasn’t admiring the figure his silhouette cut against the backdrop of the destroyed city. He liked her laugh. She felt her cheeks redden even more before she pushed the thought aside. She had work to do. She didn’t have time to fixate on some flirtatious comment from her teammate. That would have to wait until later.

[necros-writing-stuff]

Darius as a dad?

He wants one at most, no matter if its biological or adopted. He doesn't like the how things turned out between Marcus and him, so no sibling rivalries in his home. His kid wants siblings? Tough shit, play with your cousins.

Darius doesn't want to be anything like his dad, so he is open to gentle parenting. He doesn't want to hit his kid. He may snap and yell on occasion when too overwhelmed, especially if its over something that could have caused serious harm to his kid.

He's the dad other parents don't like leaving their kids with because their kids come back knowing some of the most disturbing facts, as Darius has no filter and will tell them graphic details about murder cases he worked on. Sometimes he just tells them facts he thought was cool he read about and then gets really confused as an angry parent yells at him for it over the phone. The kids found it interesting that dolphins are bastards, why is he being yelled at? As you can tell, he's not the most socially competent. Perhaps undiagnosed neurodivergence. But his borderline-awkwardness gets him a lot of laughs.

Of course, this means he's the preferred house to hang out at because kids like his honesty and also his barbecues. He's an introvert at heart though, so they can only come over once a week. At first. He accidently becomes something of a scout leader as a hobby for the gaggle (as he affectionately refers to them as).

His kid and their friends will be able to rope him into playing TTRPPGs. He'll pick orc ranger types every time. If you play too and flirt with his character, he'll implode. Man kidnapped you but can't handle your fictional characters flirting. Of course you two keep it PG around the kids, but once they're gone he's not opposed to the role-play extending to the bedroom. His buddy Dean will also want to come over and play (Dean likes warlocks and bards and makes up the funniest backstories).

He bonds well with his kid's friends, and if one of them comes over upset about something he'll totally offer to beat up the person responsible. Sure, he only has one kid, but this little gaggle that has formed around him are psuedo-kids at this point. Which means, yeah, they unfortunately get his lectures, too. Especially once the teen years hit.

Bad influence friend? No, friend without a hobby. They're coming camping. He knows it works, it worked on Dean. Oh yeah, Dean used to be a little trouble maker till Darius took him under his wing. Dean is the little brother Darius always wanted, but unfortunately he got Marcus instead.

Darius is in control of the TV in the living room. This is not up for debate. If his kid wants to watch something they can fuck off to their room or watch it on a laptop with headphones. But when they're toddlers he'll sit them in his lap and watch animal documentaries with them every morning. He enjoys having family movie nights on Saturdays with a take-away. The choice of movie is based on a rotation, and he'll grumble about picks he doesn't like but he'll respect the rotation rule and watch.

He's the kind of dad who does not get traditionally feminine interests, so to ensure that his kid doesn't only bond with you (if you're into traditionally feminine interests), he'll make damn sure to take them outdoors and teach them to build things with him. He doesn't discourage feminine interests, he just doesn't want them to exclusively like those things because then he'll be left out. His kid could not only pull together a wardrobe out of old pallets from a junkyard, but they could wear the best damn outfit while doing it.

Because he was raised by a misogynist on steroids and gained a lot of those traits himself, prepare for the "I'll shoot your boyfriend if he tries anything," kind of parenting if you have a daughter. Or if she really got into hunting and maybe took up a fighting sport: "You shoot him if he does anything wrong, okay sweetie? I have lawyer money."

Also, he's 100% a "Hey kid, when I'm too old to care for myself and the wife ain't able to do it, just take me outside and put me out of my misery, will you?" guy.

No revealing clothes. No matter the sex or gender of his child. No sex, alcohol or drugs under his roof. They can fuck around and find out when they move out. And if they bring weed home he'll confiscate it (for him and you to smoke lol). This is until they hit 16, in which case alcohol and weed may be had at home, sometimes with friends, so Darius can keep an eye on them and they can learn their limits before they hit the legal drinking age and are able to go out into bars. But he limits it, because he doesn't want his kid to be an alcoholic like him.

Will not go through their things though, even internet history. He'll lecture them on safety, and until proven otherwise, he'll presume they're staying safe. He'll allow 3 fuck ups before he does begin checking, but if you point out that they may be being unsafe because they need x thing, he's open to trying out what you suggest instead.

Will not notice if his kid is neurodivergent, because as previously mentioned he likely is too, so he just thinks it's normal. Especially if you're also neurodivergent.

Doesn't exactly understand mental health issues, and will likely keep dragging his kids out and about and force them to try new activities to keep them busy, cause that's what he does to feel better. He won't do therapy himself, but if the kid asks to go he'll pay for it. Don't expect him to hold himself accountable for anything he did though. At least, not at first. Darius may learn to undo certain ways of thinking he has and become more caring, but he'll never be a Saint.

Oh yeah, under no circumstances will he ever be honest about how you two met. As soon as you know you're having a kid, he'll make you come up with a happy little meet-cute as a smoke screen for the reality of your relationship. Unless he accidently confesses it in a drunken stupor. But he'll deny it if he's pressed afterwards. He may learn to be better in regard to his kid, but he'll never ever admit wrong-doing where you're concerned.

Overall, this is not a responsible parent, but he tries his best.

[floorley]

Today on “posts comprehensible to literally no one but myself”:

I’m kind of obsessed with SCP:5K (tactical shooter where you play as a UIU agent trying to survive the events of SCP-5000) and the articles on the wiki written to serve as the game’s background lore (specifically SCP-7555, which reveals - I think? - that the events of the game aren’t actually SCP-5000, but rather a sequel to SCP-5000 set in the Antimemetics Division ‘verse), mostly because of its vague two-line implication that Adam Wheeler’s pissed off noöghost is still hanging around the Foundation in 2020.

Like.

> be Adam

> live through a global cataclysm wherein half of the world’s population collectively goes insane and starts doing unspeakable things to the other half

> you’re in the first group

> you snap out of it, eventually. but you will never be able to forget what you did. or how good it felt

> you die trying to help make things right

> you go to hell, which is apparently being trapped in your body forever in horrible, immobilizing pain

> a couple years later, somehow, it ends

> turns out the Foundation just found out that everyone goes to Trapped In Your Body In Horrible Pain Forever Hell after they die. and now they’re trying to kill the entity responsible

> “yeah that’s pretty much where i just came from, and that shit sucked. checks out. where do i sign up”

> spend 0.01 seconds back in reality

> realize everyone (including the Foundation) is carrying on like normal in the bloodied ashes of a genocide they themselves perpetrated - a genocide they have no memory of. people who tortured their friends and neighbors to death three years ago are happily working and playing amidst the ruin and decay and piled-up corpses they’re selectively filtering out of their vision. you’re the only one who remembers. you’re the only one who has to carry the guilt

> “okay this is fucked up but how are you guys planning to kill the hell entity anyway”

> “so we’re trying to bring this really cool eldritch god into existence to kill it. there’s also another god we’re potentially interested in, though”

> first eldritch god was the catalyst for the original genocide, and will inevitably cause a second genocide if it enters into our world again. the Foundation will have to intentionally commit a genocide of its own just to manifest it. they consider this acceptable. violence begets violence. the cycle begins anew

> second eldritch god is your ex-wife.

> (your ex-wife is now God, for reasons only tangentially related. except part of her might actually be you? it’s kind of an ex-wife of theseus situation. don’t worry about it.)

> also it turns out Trapped In Your Body In Horrible Pain Forever Hell isn’t real, you just overdosed on some weird drugs at a barbecue whose side effects perfectly mimic the experience of being sent to superhell

[stargirlsuicide]

💌 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Hi! Your sleepy mutual here! Its question time!

💟 What's your dream destination?

💟 If you could make the whole world listen to one song what song would it be?

💟 What's your favorite snack ever?

💟 Do you have any comfort movies/shows or music artists?

💟 Imagine: you have a full free week and nothing matters (not money, not laws,...) what do you do?

💟 What would you name yourself if you could rename yourself?

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ That's it! I hope I didn't annoy you with these questions and obv no pressure to answer! I hope you have a great day, love you! 🩷🌅

~XOXO Ana <3

omg haii ana youre not bothering at all dw!!

☆ my dream destination has always been the states, especially LA ive always wanted to go there since i was a little kid cause of movies and such

☆ uhh idk actually not rlly into music all that much. probably this one off of igor maybe not even the best one off that album my personal favourite one tho ^_^

☆ fav snack ever that i always get at the vending machines in my town lays barbecue chips and this peach and rose petals tea

☆ my favourite movie ever babyteeth and the show im not okay with this!!!

☆ probably would just go out with my friends. graffiti, go around in the city, get alcohol maybe just like generally have fun

☆ literally just ally i wayyy prefer it over my real name honestly

tysm for this btw love answering questions like this ^_^

love u!!!!

[strykingback]

That's a long winded way of saying, "I don't like this show yet I stick around in this toxic relationship I have with it to win or something."

Seriously, everything you said isn't worth it. It sounds like you want to make your own fantasy story not unlike RWBY yet can't get over the latter like a bitter ex-partner.

Are you okay? Legit asking as a concerned citizen.

First things first, I am okay I mean how about you. I'm certain everyone who has been roastin' yo ass since yesterday. Cause daaaaaamn man. I can smell a whole barbecue over there!

But anyway.... to start things off.

Something really tells me you didn't read through the whole fucking reblog and only sent this in. Do I need to repeat it so you can firmly grasp it? Cause certainly you need to grasp it!!

Also since you didnt read through the literal paragraphs about my canon divergence Atlas and Mistral regions and even about Robyn Hill and Ironwoods canon divergence. Oh wait a minute, I think you may not know the definition of canon-divergence. Hold up let me get it for you, okay? Canon Divergence:  a fandom term, used when fanfiction is set in a universe that diverges from the original canon due to changing a character's backstory or the plot overall.

(Note- This can also apply to Roleplaying blogs as myself)

Yeah, its that easy to make a story for Ironwood and Robyn Hill and still make it good for both of them for everyone to enjoy. Not like a pasty ol' Karen and a plot-twist villain in the main canon.

But enough of that but just the fact that you say it isnt worth it towards a VERY strong answer. Kind of tells me that its like: "Oh its not good to match canon." I dont know what kind of world you live in amigo, but it aint one I wanna be on. Also another thing to say is.

People on the RWDE tag can still like certain aspects of RWBY and can still be critical about it at the SAME time. It doesnt hurt to do that and trust me it does not hurt me as I can seriously take the wild bullshit the main canon does and can cook it back out as something incredibly Canon-Divergent and people will like it.

Also what is this weakness man, this weak ask you sent me amigo. Cause I was expecting so so MUCH BETTER. It's no wonder why yo ass is getting cooked in the RWDE tag. man...Like who let you cook?!

Cause I think I turned yo ass into a five star at a five star restaurant with a side of steak that is....

W e l l

T h e

F u ck

D O N E

Now enough of that, now then back to roleplaying for me and also go back to Lilith and cry her a goddamn river why dont ya. Ya fuckin simp!

[inmaki]

ask and u shall recieve-- also i lowk meant them separately but honestly??? these along with the prev can also be read as a poly thing and it shouldn't make a difference because why have 1 when you can get both?

this is all set in a non-curse, very normal world college au btw because most of the jjk cast deserve to be happy ok? ok.

i know it's canon that gojo is actually big brained and he can literally do anything if he tries, buuut i also hc that he lacks culinary skills. like, he grew up rich, right? i'd imagine him have his parents' 50 maids cook for him. that or he just goes out to eat most of the time cause he has more pocket money than my entire bank account.

anyway, adding onto that, it becomes a problem when he's sick, because it's either you or geto to come take care of him cause my man can't cook to save a life. one time you got a fever to the point you couldn't get up and he was panicking because he doesn't know how to make soup or congee (savory rice porridge) for you, so he calls suguru in the middle of a lecture and the phone call basically went like

'okay, now add in the vegetables--'

'i burned the broth.'

'you what.'

safe to say suguru skipped the rest of his classes that day.

geto on the other hand, insists that he can take care of himself when he's sick. he only ever asks for you to do stuff for him if it's really bad, otherwise he'll probably just ask for cuddles.

either (or both) of them fall asleep relatively fast already when they're sick, but in your arms??? surrounded by your scent??? out like a light immediately.

yeah okay i still have so much more but i'm gonna stop before i go overboard ackbeuifnebu

p.s. completely unrelated ik but pls tell me i'm not the only one who's getting pissed off about this new wave of p*rn bots. i thought they couldn't get any worse but now they're putting tags on their post that are completely unrelated, and they don't properly censor the thumbnail images they use??? i don't want to have to block certain tags just because of the small minority but it's getting harder to ignore... tumblr get your shit together pls

- 🍉

SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLT HI MELON NONNIE <3 omg im so sorry idk why i read it as like a scenario together but AHSBJHSBS SATORU BURNING BROTHHHH 😭😭 i honestly agree even if its canon that hes good at most things he tries im a firm believer cooking is js NOT one of them,, the best he can do is ramen and barbecue the meat for u 💀

i have a feeling that in the end suguru sneaks over to make your porridge/soup, then gives it to toru who brings it to you and ur js like. wow toru u made this?!!! meanwhile hes smiling nervously like y-yep!!!! HELP i love the idea of toru trying to take care of his sick s/o.. its so entertaining yet adorable

AND YES THOSE BOTS HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY 😭😭 ITS SUCH A JUMPSCARE I HATE THEM idk how blr lets them get away w it 🧌

[star-ocean-peahen]

If you've had to deal with religious abuse, why do you still go to church and church camp?

Hiya! It's pretty complicated.

One of the main reasons is that I'm only just coming to terms that I've experienced religious abuse, because the experiences that back it up span my entire life. As long as I can remember, the church has been one of the most important and influential communities in my life. I was really isolated for unrelated reasons (it was hard to get out of the house), and for some of my most important social developmental years, the church and church programs were the only ways I could see my friends and peers and keep up consistent relationships with them.

Furthermore, I honestly still feel too scared to leave. One piece of rhetoric I heard every so often was that leaving the church would cut you off from moral accountability and your life would spiral down the drain because you were rejecting Jesus. Conveniently, they forgot to mention how most church heroes were dissidents. Because I heard that as a kid, it's conditioned in me to think that leaving the church = literal doom (yes the word doom was used). The fear of leaving the church is pretty deeply ingrained in me, and again, I don't think I'm ready to banish it yet.

Jumping off from that, I'm so used to saying yes to everything from the church I possibly could that it's hard for me to say no to anything. This week I didn't stand up during worship like everyone else because my back hurt, and even that decision was difficult and made me keep second-guessing myself. I don't want to leave until I'm confident I can defend my decision to every lovely, well-meaning, but poorly equipped and ill-understanding friend that tries to get me back.

Leaving the church would also cause a rift in almost all my relationships. Pretty much all of the people I'm close to in real life are Christians, with varying degrees of traditionalism and conservativism. Some people won't totally understand, but will support me anyway. Some people will understand completely. Some people won't understand at all and will be worried for me for all the wrong reasons. The decision wouldn't necessarily be a loud one, but it would involve a lot of snags and hard questions to ask and answer. Why don't you want to come to the barbecue? We're having a show and we'd like you to come. Mommy, why doesn't my grown-up cousin and role model to go to church? I miss seeing you at Bible study and church. We're going on this trip, and I'd really like to see you there! Leaving the church would involve leaving the community I've grown up in, and having to explain to a lot of people why the things that bring them so much joy and peace do the opposite for me.

Whoo boy. Okay. Deep breath. 👍👍

I think the succinct answer to your question is that I still go to church and other related activities because 1) I'm still conditioned against leaving and I haven't had the chance or time to undo that yet and 2) almost all of my relationships and community are found within the church. (Genuinely, you guys were the first serious nonchristian friends I ever made.)

(Also, these realizations have been coming slow but the knowledge of its severity only came recently, and I haven't gotten the chance to speak to my therapist about it yet.)

I'm not offended by you asking btw, and I think this actually helped me get my thoughts on the matter in order. Thanks for asking so politely!

[liquid-savage]

Back on Tumblr, oh damn

Inspired by some delightful art based on a character I wrote about some time ago, I decided to give her some love and bring her back for a fun little summer story.

Read on FA or beneath the Read More. Enjoy!

-

It was a cloudless day in the middle of June, and the sun bore down on the idyllic suburban neighbourhood with a vengeance. Those who weren’t preparing for a day at the beach were sunbathing, running through the sprinklers or simply staying indoors to try and beat the heat.

Inside one of the two-storey houses, behind the skirting board beneath the couch in the living room, there was a hole in the wall where Pixie lived.

“I think I’ve let myself go a little,” she admitted, looking in the shard of mirror glass propped against the wall. 

Staring back at her was a rat with chocolate brown fur and a head of darker, long and curly hair. Her massive belly spilled out from her pink T-shirt–which only covered her doughy chest by now–and covered the front of her shorts. She looked over her shoulder, feeling her thick double-chin rub against the shirt collar, and saw that her rather thunderous thighs and bulbous buttocks threatened to tear her shorts to shreds if she made any sudden moves. Even her tail almost looked fatter!

“Man, I am so not beach ready,” she sighed, her round ears drooping. She lifted her stomach in her chubby little paws, giving it a shake and watching it bounce. “I know I can fit through anywhere my head can, but I think this is pushing it!”

She turned herself around with the finesse of an army tank and slowly waddled through her den. The shockwaves sent through the floorboards by her tubby footpaws caused her makeshift furniture, made up of little things she’s stolen from around the neighbourhood, shook and jostled during her wide, awkward gait. Finally, she arrived at her plastic closet and started looking through the outfits she’d pilfered from many a dollhouse.

“Let’s see,” she muttered, digging through the small pieces of fabric, “I know they’re in here somewhere… ah-ha!”

She discarded her shirt and shorts and changed into a spandex onesie that even a rat from the 80s would call dated, and pulled sweatbands over her wrist folds, cankles and forehead. She returned to the mirror and fixed herself with a determined scowl, which lost a bit of its lustre thanks to her chubby cheeks forcing the corners of her mouth closer together.

“Okay, just like on TV,” she said, taking a deep breath. She raised her flabby arms over her head and brought them down to her sides, like she was fittingly flapping those bingo wings of hers. “Hup, down, hup…”

If anyone could see a rodent the size of a grapefruit attempting to exercise, they’d no doubt be either amused or sympathetic. Her massive middle made it impossible to see her toes, let alone get anywhere close to touching them. She just managed two or three squats before her legs nearly gave out, and she felt good about getting four pushups in before realising the ‘up’ part was part of one pushup. She soon ended up on her back, absolutely winded after managing about half a sit-up. Her belly rose and fell as she wheezed for air.

Her ears twitched as she heard a commotion outside. Frantic footsteps, cluttering, and two familiar voices. She rolled herself onto her front and then onto her feet, so she could push open the cracked skirting board a smidge and listen in.

“You sure we have enough?” a man wondered. “I don’t want anyone going hungry.”

“You cleared out the butcher’s, babe,” a woman said flatly. “Even with you around, no one’s going hungry.”

Pixie was intrigued now. Intrigued enough to squeeze herself out of her den and wriggle beneath the couch for a better look. She saw a large human man, round like her, with a much slimmer woman. They were both fussing around the kitchen, and still as unaware of their little roommate as they’ve always been.

“I just want this to go right, Susan,” the man said. “This isn’t just a small group–it’s the whole neighbourhood.”

“And you’ll do fine, Greg,” Susan assured him. “There’s a reason everyone says you do the best barbecues in the city.”

Pixie’s eyes shot wide open. ‘Barbecue.’ One of her favourite words. There was a reason she chose this house in particular to settle down in: the human called Greg loved food as much as she did. He always kept the kitchen loaded up with the sweetest and meatiest things, and every night Pixie would help herself to some cookies and leftovers, leading to her ridiculous rotundity. A fact she seemed to be oblivious to, hence the slobber dribbling down her second chin.

“A barbecue for the whole neighbourhood,” she repeated to herself. “That means a lot of humans… which means a lot of food!”

Her cheeks dimpled from her wide, eager grin as she scurried back into her den. As quickly as it came, her decision to shed some extra ounces went right out the window. She discarded her workout gear and changed back into her T-shirt and shorts, seeming to ignore just how much of a struggle it was to get them on.

“New plan,” she muttered. “Wait until the humans are either gone or asleep, grab as much barbecue as I can, eat till I burst!”

Grrrruuuuuooooowwwlll…

She frowned and rested her paws on her grumbling belly.

“I’ll need to survive until after dark.” She plodded to her makeshift pantry and took out a sugary cracker as tall as she was. “This oughta tide me over, so long as I can make it last.”

With that, she greedily gnawed up half of the cracker.

—

The wait was positively agonising. Poor Pixie could only watch from beneath the couch as humans came and went, carrying copious amounts of burgers, hotdogs and kebabs with them. Watching them dig in and listening to their loud chewing was torturous for the greedy rat. Many times throughout the day she had to fight the urge to risk slipping out for the slightest taste, reminding herself that she might get caught.

But finally, some time after dark, things had gone completely silent. It was time to move.

She popped out from beneath the couch and swivelled her head around. Not nearly as many humans as earlier in the day, and those who were left were fast asleep, some surrounded by those cans she never liked the smell of.She awkwardly waddled on all fours toward the kitchen, feeling her stomach brush the carpet as she went. With it still being rather warm even at night, she was soon relieved to feel the cold kitchen tile on her paws.

She stood upright, her stomach sticking out even more than usual, and her nose twitched. She pointed it up to the counter.

“Up there.”

She lumbered to the drawers and, as she often did, used the handles as a ladder to climb up to the countertop. Though, with all the bulk she was carrying, she found her feet slipping and dangling in the air with her clumsy clambering. A little squeak escaped her when she nearly went toppling down to the floor, but she just about kept her grip.

With heavy gasps, she climbed onto the counter and took a moment to rest. Once she caught her breath, she looked to see what was on offer. Many selections of food were safely stored within tupperware containers and wrapped in aluminium foil. She rubbed her paws together with a gluttonous smirk.

“Sorry, Greg, but I’ve been waiting all day for this!”

She slowly pulled the lid of a container, flinching with each hard pop before she could reach inside. She grabbed a plump sausage and happily gnawed on it until it was gone in record time. She liked grease off her paws before going for the others inside, but stopped herself.

“Don’t fill up just yet, girl–there’s more to enjoy.”

She carefully closed the lid back on and crept up to an aluminium mound, unwrapping the foil to reveal a double-cheeseburger in all its glory. It was as big as she was! When she chomped into it, she was delighted that her nose wasn’t tricking her when she smelled onions inside. Greg never disappointed with his cooking.

An onion-scented burp escaped her maw when she finished the burger, and she rolled the crumpled aluminium ball aside. By now, she could feel the slightest hint of an ache in her tummy, but there was no way she was stopping now. Especially not when she caught a glimpse of what she wanted next. She opened another container and lifted a kebab in both paws. With practised finesse, she spun the skewer and nibbled away at the assorted meats on it. When she was done, she used one end to pick her teeth clean before discarding it.

“Now I’m thirsty,” she grunted, ignoring the growing pain in her stomach as she looked around for something to wash down all that food. Her grease-covered face lit up when she spotted an unopened can of soda on the other side of the counter, and she happily scampered over as quickly as her oversized heft would allow. While stopping to help herself to some of the French fries in a basket on the way, of course.

She used her teeth to pierce the top of the can and, holding onto it with both paws, leaned back until she was toppled over with the can resting on her belly. Keeping a steady pace, she gulp, gulp, gulped down the orange soda, her tail flicking happily at the fizz on her tongue. And with each gulp, her stomach bloated ever so slightly even more.

“Aaahh, that’s better,” she sighed, carelessly tossing the can aside. Her face dropped when she watched it roll over the edge of the counter and clatter loudly to the floor. She rolled into a sitting position and looked around, her ears pricked up. After a moment of silence, she sighed with relief that no one had stirred.

“Maybe I oughta not push my luck,” she decided, forcing herself onto her feet with a groan. She pointed herself to the drawers, then froze. “Are those pork chops I smell…?!”

—

The sun was beginning to rise in the early hours of the morning, but no one was awake to see a giant brown ball squeeze underneath the sofa, nor hear its squeaky grunts and groans as it tried to wriggle its way home.

And even if they were awake, they’d have to move the sofa to see that ball’s backside squirming in a hole in the skirting board.

“Oh c’mon,” Pixie huffed, her paws pushing against the wall she was stuck in. She kicked her feet and flicked her tail. “Rats can… fit through… any hole… their heads can…!”

POP!

“Whoa!” she yelped. The sudden force sent her rolling and bouncing inside, only stopped by the opposite wall. “Yeah, time for some door adjustments…”

She hiccupped and burped as she rolled onto her front, grimacing at her bellyache. Her stomach was packed to the brim with assorted meats, sodas, and even a bowl of melted ice cream as a sweet chaser. Far too much for a rat, even one as gluttonous as Pixie. Of course, despite her stomach being overstuffed and jostled around, a glutton like Pixie had no regrets. She got to enjoy a good meal, and that was what mattered. And now it was time for a nice, long rest.

Her belly dragged on the floor as she pulled herself across the den to her bed: a tissue box with a comfy rag for a blanket and a big wad of cotton for a pillow. She climbed in and rolled onto her back, only to suddenly shift downward as the box collapsed beneath her weight.

“Oof!” she puffed, rubbing her poor aching belly. It gurgled and bubbled uneasily with how much it had been put through. “Easy, girl, we’re hic in bed now…”

A squeaky yawn escaped her, and as her eyelids fluttered, a distant thought came to her. Something about… exercising? Was that it? That didn’t sound right.

Meh, I’ll worry about it later, she thought as she finally drifted off into a deep sleep.