#but its not like the cymbalta LOL

[lunar-fey]

i dont want to get too hopeful but i think the pain med is working 🤔

[lagiacrus]

diagnosis stuff

so i got diagnoses with depressive psychosis (psychotic depression? idk) and like. Yeah!!!!!!!! but the problem is that i can't stop talking about it. its like when i got diagnosed with autism and ocd and i realized just how much it colored my world. youi know?? like... idk... for years now ive been wondering why i got Worse, why i am doing So Much Worse, what has been Happening, and its been so heavy on me not knowing why i suddenly just Got Worse outside of burnout and like. the thing with dp/pd (i will probably use pd because otherwise i will giggle) is that it just can Happen after a certain point in depression if it's going mostly untreated (which, lol. i was on cymbalta but at the lowest dosage because it made me hideously nauseous + awful headachse if i was any higher than 60mg, which is Not enough! so i was borderline just unmedicated i guess!) and all i can think is at some point during the quarantine (i can guess a few points) i just. tipped over the edge! and now i'm stuck here. having psychotic episodes. and it sucks! i feel fucking insane which i guess is by design but holy shit knowing that like. wanting to punish myself or be punished or feeling undeserving of stuff and being absolutely convinced that people have certain feelings towards me (negative), being convinced i'm manipulating people constantly + abusing people, is like... its not just anxiety? its literally psychosis? i am delusional about the way i am percieved because of psychosis and it's not like. entirely my fault maybe. i dont know. i had so many more words to post here but my fucking toaster wont work and im mad about it but. idk. i just had to talk somewhere because my brain (likely the psychosis) is like 'well you have to explain yourself, because if you keep talking about your psychosis people are going to think you are faking and then they're going to call for you to be flayed in the street. kill yourself.' and its like. Okay !

[dappio]

hey, my doc is thinking about transitioning me off my abilify and giving me either cymbalta or gabapentin (for fibromyalgia :))))) )

curious what your experience with cymbalta has been, kinda scared of the gabapentin ngl. have a cow for your troubles.

no probs! Im on the 60mg duloxetine, which is the generic cymbalta and just doesnt seem to do much for the depression i'm like still super lethargic and bleh, and lately ive been having bad headaches/dizzy spells and my least favorite thing and my kind of main reason for swapping has been really awful night sweats, i wake up feeling so gross every morning and its just making feel even worse lol I WILL say though it has helped alot with my anxiety so its not all bad

but medicine reacts differently per person so you might not be hit with all that lol and bless you for cow uwu

[ghostmas]

day 2 of cymbalta: a few more observations just cuz lmao

- little to no appetite, skipped lunch and didnt finish dinner

- urge to pick at my skin not entirely eradicated but it seems to have been reduced to a degree

- a preference for sitting in silence instead of having something on the tv/computer for background noise

- still walking a bit weird, like im trying not to be loud (downstairs neighbor probably appreciates this)

- was able to nap briefly and i was awoken by the sound of a womans voice that sounded VERY real, like someone was at the foot of my bed. never happened before, scared me pretty bad lol

- excessive yawning. im already a big yawner but this is just ridiculous and getting out of hand

- dilated pupils which means slightly blurred vision. unpleasant

- urge to just make random noises or do random things like lay down on the floor or hang over the couch. i was doing this shit before but its become rapidly more frequent

- excessive leg bouncing/foot tapping and occasional muscle spasms

- extra excessive use of the bathroom, which sucks considering i already was a frequent pisser before this

worth mentioning that despite all this shit, i have improved since yesterday. no more feeling like im on crack or anything, but still quite jittery and awake

also now that i think about it, taking the time to make this post could perhaps be considered another unusual behavior to include on the list. ok bye

[irl-ichi]

first day with cymbalta ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ i always take my meds at 10am and while the adderall wakes up my body and prevents me from truly falling back asleep i usually roll over and lie down for like 2 more hours in what i assume is first stage sleep cause im aware/conscious but time still passes fast. its a weird sleep limbo i hate but im always so tired. today i couldnt even do that im AWAKE i dunno if its the cymbalta or if im just excited to go to my partners today tho lol

[nyarados]

(Tumblr wont let me respond) Prozac wasnt for me it was the first med they put me on (im now on lexapro and cymbalta.) Works for a LOT of people tho so its why it tends to be the first med docs try w patients. Lexapro is like the worst on the no nut med, but prozac is up there lmao. Personally, i had too many racing thoughts on it and it overstimulated me, but for my dad it worked for him and had a calming effect 🤷‍♀️medication works different for everyone tbh its a journey lol

that's really helpful, thank you kait!! 🩷

[anessthesiaa]

tw emotional labor request!

after coming to the realization that as much as i want it to, yoga isnt going to help me (especially when i dont even have the energy or drive to do a full session!) i subscribed to one of those medication subscriptions for $85 a month and have been prescribed cymbalta, so like this is probably the 10th med ive tried and im hoping it works out but if anyone has been on this and its helped, or theres side effects to watch out for pls let me know! im doing reading online and trying not to stress, but i keep seeing things about liver damage and im worried about that + my drinking + need for daily tylenol use for my headaches lol

[izzy-b-hands]

timeline of latest weird health thing:

Thurs-realize I feel a little off kilter, like i just got off a tilt a whirl. ignore it cuz it isn't that bad. Noted rough sleep and slight aura after waking up

Fri-realize tilt a whirl feeling is not going away, but not getting worse. ignore it and watch Tetsuo the Bullet Man for the first time (lots of flashing lights and fast moving shots). Later in the night realize tilt a whirl feeling is waaay worse

Today-wake up PTSD triggered from horrific cymbalta nightmare (a whole other ball of yarn, but it didn't help this latest thing either lol), and spend day researching symptoms (cleared away possible TIA thankfully, tho im gonna keep an eye out for those symptoms just in case) while internal gyroscope spins like a motherfucker

finally figured out this must be a vestibular migraine episode because it def isnt BPPV like my prev vertigo episodes have been. But everything abt my symptoms match the VM dx, right down to possible triggers of poor sleep, flashing lights (dang good movie but oof on that), lack of food/weird eating habits, and prev episodes of any sort of vertigo and migraines

sometimes im glad i learned how to triage because at least i have a pretty likely explanation for this and know im gonna be fine and what more serious symptoms to watch for in the next few days, but also uggghhh for feeling like im always on a luckily slow moving tilt a whirl ride, or like

it feels like how a dropped dinner plate with a thick edge falls? like in my gut, its spinning from edge to edge but never finally landing and stopping on the floor, and that means i feel spinny and even when standing im swaying gently in a circle like im following it from edge to edge, or i feel like im in a gently swaying boat when i lay down

thankfully not nearly as bad as BPPV episodes ive had in the past, and im lucky ive had no actual headache yet and just the aura really. bodies r fuckin dumb tho, and this is proof lmaooo

[benis413]

meds rant lol

i am so fucking grateful for my meds working. i started taking adhd meds like 1 1/2 yrs ago and it sucked ASS but i essentially got diagnosed, felt pretty fucking pissed at my shitty brain and got stimulants shoved in my face by psychiatrists and ig i kind of thought that would fix me? idk i was really excited and heard other ppl with adhd talking ab how amazing it was to get medicated bc everything “went quiet” and holy shit i would give several toes and a foot for that, but the meds just gave me a shit ton of anxiety and uncontrollable energy for like an hour. i tried just about every adhd pill under the sun and some weird non-stimulant that lowered my blood pressure so much that i passed out lol, and i honestly should not have stayed on the meds i was taking for that long bc the side effects i got were ass, but i was kind of in denial ab them not working. 

i also started taking zoloft in February 2021 and they did fuck all, but the doctors just kept telling me to try a higher dose so i went up to like 100mg and it still didn’t fucking work (shocking, i know) and then in September when i told them i wanted new antidepressants they literally told me to take more walks. i shit you not this bitch of a doctor told me straight up that “meds won’t fix all ur problems for you”. like i already go on walks at least once a day? i did everything they’ve fucking told me to, i went through hell and back and i still felt like SHIT. they eventually gave me cymbalta and oh my fucking god. i remember this one specific night a couple weeks after switching meds where i had just put up my mini christmas tree and i was eating ice cream and i felt genuinely at peace and happy and i just started sobbing bc it was such a fucking relief to finally feel effortlessly happy after months of having to constantly prevent myself from reverting back to my default mode of sadness/numbness. it hasn’t been perfect, i still am pretty unstable and get really low “dips” but for the first time in so long i feel like i dont have to drag myself through life. 

and whaddaya know, it turns out that if you switch ssri meds you can react differently to stimulants, so i recently started taking adhd meds again and they fucking work. i damn near started crying during a math lesson bc i realized that i dont actually hate math, i just cant focus! fuck my eyeliner im crying in the club rn and the past week of school has been so good, ive caught up(almost) with the rest of the class and ive been in school all week (which almost never happens). i didn’t even fall asleep after coming home from school or break down after the week was over! 

it feels fucking fantastic (obviously), but i still feel kind of suspicious, like it feels strange to not be behind on school and just life in general ig. its been so long since i felt so alive, and its fucking february. who feels alive during february?! 

im legitimately terrified that any day now im going to get worse and go back to feeling half-dead. i really fucking hope that this isnt just temporary bc i honestly dont think i could survive getting a glimpse of what i could be and then having it taken away from me lol

[wlwdjh]

hi. i think i might have some early fibromyalgia but the internet isn't helping me too much. how did you get a diagnosis? how did it feel for you in the beggining? please i need some help i have been struggling with health for a few years but lately its gotten worse and neither my mum (undergraduate in medicine) nor any doctors ive been to know whats going on. Ive been on antidepressants for a while but stopped them. i cant say they helped. do you have any experience you can share?

Hi hun. First I want to preface this by saying I am in no way a medical professional so all I can do is share my experience. I also am located in the United States and have health insurance, which is going to make my experience different than a lot of others. I’m gonna put the rest under a cut just in case anyone has trouble reading about medical issues.

Fibromyalgia is a weird diagnosis, in that it’s a diagnosis by elimination. Before I was diagnosed by a Rheumatologist (a doctor who specializes in diseases of the connective tissue like arthritis) I spent years working with my doctor to figure out the source of my chronic pain. At 19 I was in a car accident and my doctor checked me over and took x-rays, all of which came out completely normal. Slowly over the course of the next few years though my health started to deteriorate.

At first I thought it was only mental. I was having major anxiety, to the point where I couldn’t go to school, and depression severe enough that I couldn’t get out of bed. I was sent to a psychiatrist, who listened to my symptoms for 15 minutes, diagnosed me with a panic disorder, and prescribed me Fluoxetine (Prozac) and sent me on my way.

Here’s the thing with meds - they work, but it’s often a struggle to find the right one. A lesser known symptom of Fibromyalgia is medication sensitivity. While Prozac works wonders for millions of people, it was way to strong for me, and left me feeling like a zombie. So after a few months of this drug, I went back to the same doctor. He maintained his previous diagnosis but switched me to Buspirone, a medication that is used just for the treatment of anxiety. I definitely think that it helped, but it didn’t do anything for my depression or any of my other symptoms.

While I was trying to figure out my mental health I started having more severe chronic pain. I was a dancer from twelve to twenty, and was in the best shape of my life when I started having severe joint and muscle pain. I thought I was just pushing myself too hard honestly, and just tried to slow down on my classes. I went from dancing 8-12 hours a week to not at all.

I also was having issues with memory - I was losing gaps in the day and couldn’t focus on things I used to love like reading. I was also exhausted 24/7.

It’s around this time that I dropped my psychiatrist and went without medical intervention for about a year. I realized at 21 that my depression was getting worse and worse - that summer I spent an entire week in bed, and my best friend had to come and make sure I was eating. I started seeing an MFT, and going through my own journey to mental health.

When I finally (through tons of incredibly hard work) pulled myself out of that hole I stopped being emotionally stoic and started noticing hey, my body is getting worse. My IBS symptoms started around the age of 23, and I lost quite a bit of weight just by not being able to eat anything. I also, through the encouragement of my therapist, started going back to my primary care physician, and he started trying to puzzle it out with me. First we thought the symptoms were depression related, so he put me on Welbutrin (which I still take to this day). It was unlike the other drugs in that taking it actually gave me energy and cleared my mind, rather than fogging it up further. Then he sent me to Physical Therapy. The PT was horrified at the state of my back at this point and put me through 8 weeks of grueling therapy. I would leave in incredible pain every day and then have to go home and do more exercises. While it wasn’t pleasant I can say that it gave me some of the knowledge that I use now in trying to treat my Fibro.

I also went through an elimination diet to try to find my trigger food for my IBS. I had never before in my life shown signs of dairy intolerance and then here at the age of 23 I was developing a rash on my arm any time I tried to eat mac and cheese lol. Cutting that out of my diet made a big difference in my gut health.

This whole time I was doing lots and lots of internet research on my own. I remember coming across an article about Fibromyalgia and its symptoms and how my heart stopped when I read it. I took it with me to my next doctor’s appointment and he admitted that he didn’t know much about the disease but that he could refer me to the doctor who did. In the meantime he put me on Gabapentin for my pain (which just made me feel drunk and dizzy half the time, not my fav).

The first appointment with my Rheumatologist was terrifying. I kept thinking that all my symptoms were just caused by my depression, that I was faking, that here I was about to be laughed out of another doctor’s office as a liar and attention seeker. Instead my doctor sat me down, asked me about my mental illness, my family history, my lifestyle, my diet, how bad my pain was, where it was located, and never once suggested that any of my symptoms were in my head. I went home and cried that night - I had never felt more validated in my life.

Before I could get my diagnosis we had to run some tests. My Rheumatologist had access to all of my results from previous x-rays and tests but had to run some blood tests to rule out anything else. I also underwent a physical test where she checked for trigger points - they’re basically small points on your body that cause intense pain when pressed. Almost all of the points hurt me haha. After a few weeks, at 24, five years after my initial onset of symptoms I had my diagnosis. I was prescribed Cymbalta and told to stop eating gluten, start exercising more, and to take care of myself. That’s the hardest part of this condition for me - the only way to treat it is by living a healthy lifestyle, which is incredibly difficult to do on my own due to my mental health issues.

It’s been a journey for me, and I’m sorry to say that everyone I’ve talked to with Fibro has had a journey as well. It’s just not a condition that doctors are quick to diagnose patients with. I know it can be hard but self advocacy is going to be your best bet towards getting a diagnosis. Remember that even without one your pain is still real.

[arson-but-unmedicated]

today is april 20th, 2022, at 10:46 am.

Just took my Cymbalta. I also took my Seroquel last night and surprisingly it didn't completely fuck me over! I still fell asleep at midnight and woke back up at 5am, but I was able to go back to sleep and woke up only a few minutes before my alarm at 10:30am. I feel...decently well rested today. Which is nice. Might change later though if the Cymbalta has anything to say about it.

So, the main thing that I guess might be a theme today is my issue with emotions. I have a lot of them, mostly nervous, mostly angry, mostly overexcited. Usually a combination of all of those results in a lot of crying or incoherent babbling on my part. I try not to unload them on anyone but sometimes I can't help myself. Soon, wouldn't you know it, I'm watching myself cry and whine about shit that could get fixed if I would just calm the fuck down. I explain the stupid shit I do like this usually:

Imagine you are sitting in the viewing area of an operating theater. One of those cold, bright open ones that you see in scary medical films and TV. You are watching an exact copy of yourself performing surgery on a new patient every time you're performing a new task. And that copy of yourself is fucking it up badly. You yell and yell at it because you know what you should actually be doing. You know how to do this task, you know how to do this surgery. You've studied it and watched yourself ruin this surgery again and again and again but you can never enter the operating room yourself for... whatever reason. The surgery is done and fails or is passed by some strange miracle (usually someone else stepping to help your copy), and the copy comes up to you with a smile like it thinks it just did a surgery that would be praised by peers for centuries. Like it performed medical magic. You tell it everything it did wrong and how to do it better but it just shrugs and says "well, I did my best." And you pause. And you laugh. And you wrap strong, betrayed hands around its neck until it's choking so hard you can hardly breathe yourself.

You're made to watch this for eternity because it doesn't ever listen to you. You aren't sure whether it's forgetting or deliberately ignoring you because it's easier to call yourself a mistake and that you "did your best" when you could be trying so much harder. But trying harder requires work. Work you don't have the spoons for. Work you don't have the time for. Work you don't have the money for. But by all means, you should fucking have these things. But because you're so shit at surgery, you don't. It's a cycle you'll never break and you're doomed to watch yourself make the same fucking mistakes over and over again. And it's pathetic.

And when someone else talks about failing their surgeries or laments about it, I get so bitter. I can't listen to them. It's so hard dealing with other people's emotions because you're in the middle of surgery yourself and god!!! you!! just!! ruin!!! everything!!!

And I think the worst part about this post is that I hardly felt anything while typing this. The Cymbalta must have kicked in. Also South Park discourse. Pog.

Anyways, today should be fun. I wanna go swimming.

End post, 11:26am.

Blaze it lol

[lagiacrus]

well i'm starting my cymbalta tonight. really hoping that going off my ssri and going onto an snri will like. help at all lol. cuz i feel like its incredibly obvious my ssri does not work

[autisticstarseed]

i need to fix my sleep schedule again cuz tbh everything is kicking up at once like hanging out with my rl friends got me hardcore splitting whenever im ignored or judged bc as we all know im just a magnet for it and it is apparently even easier to do in real life, my mom bought me a stomach binder and its not her fault but i am majorly back on my unidentified eating disorder shit and also im wanting to sleep all day like the lady in the cymbalta commercial so rn its 2 am to noon with an extra 3 hours of laying there and. idk the sleep schedule problem is always the hardest to fix but its also the one that fucks with me the most so i figure if i start there and work my way out i can shake this maybe but its nnot lookin very easy rn lol

[ghostmas]

list of things i did yesterday while wired on my first ever dose of cymbalta below the cut

- went for a walk which included wandering around in a field

- laid on my bed fully clothed still and drenched in sweat from the walk

- drawing/writing in a journal with alarming speed

- push ups

- rode my mini exercise bike and lifted my 3 pound weights

- made some bread in my bread maker

- paced around my apartment and walked like i was a cartoon character sneaking around (i tried to walk normally but i was compelled to walk on my tippy toes)

- put off eating dinner for about 8 hours, dinner ended up being 1 small piece of the baked bread mentioned earlier

- played neopets and spent 45 mins looking for some candy for the grey faerie and got a shit reward

- watched hocus pocus

- got 4 hours of sleep, took benadryl beforehand and it did nothing

- while trying to fall asleep, i was randomly overcome with the feeling that i was about to puke so i bolted to the bathroom but did not puke

all of this happened AFTER work btw so that was lucky. its only day 1 so i can take comfort in the fact that this will likely pass, but yesterday was one of the weirdest days ive had in awhile and im praying it passes as quickly as possible lol

also worth noting that i am on 3 other medications too and its very possible this drug cocktail just made me go insane-o style. anyway bye

started taking cymbalta today and i feel like im going to explode. i cant even hardly keep my eyes shut. i hate side effects so much lmfao

[hidingmurklins]

Corn Teen is wreaking havoc on me. I repeat: I AM NOT OKAY. I'm not sleeping at night, I can't go anywhere, and I've given up on school work because I just can't do this shit anymore. Because of the chaos, I've been forgetting to take my meds, which is obviously making everything worse.

I've been off my meds for a few weeks now and I have noticed the following (TRIGGER WARNING, I AM NOT KIND TO MYSELF OR OTHERS RN SO BE PREPARED FOR SOME BAD SELF-TALK):

- Hypomanic and Depressive episodes are back but like, worse than before (probably because of the whole social isolation thing and the other added stressors). I always shower every second day, rarely going up to 3 days without a shower. Lately I shower once a week, regardless of how I smell or how greasy I am. The apathy and executive dysfunction are real and I am not okay. And the swinging back and forth has me up for over 24 hours straight, asleep for 12+ hours straight, rinse and repeat. This is obviously not productive to family life.

- Hyperarousal! I'm suddenly so afraid of the dark again I have to sleep with the lights on, even if my dog is with me. It's like if I turn the lights off, the creature from (Guillermo del Toro's?) The Labyrinth with eye sockets in its hands or the girl from The Grudge are going to come plopping and swaying out of the darkness and grant me a slow and extremely painful death. If I hear any kind of sound my squirrel brain has my heart pumping fast enough to explode, and I am ready to scream, to throw shit, to run away, and to bite and otherwise destroy anything that should get in my way. These panic episodes aren't great when your child walks in after having a bad dream and when you hear "Mommy" in the dark your first reaction is a blood-curdling scream cause then you have to soothe yourself real quick and then soothe the poor child you just forced some extra trauma on. Luckily, snuggles help both. Still not okay.

- Zero chill and zero tolerance for any additional minor inconveniences. Someone other than my offspring comes into my suite? Time to commit a felony. My offspring doesn't do essential things like wash hands and brush teeth when I ask the first time? Sorry but you're an orphan now, please refer to GG and Papa for anything further. Someone has the AUDACITY to CALL me on MY PHONE??? Get the fuck off of my planet you extraterrestrial shitbag. I burned the cookies?? I'm a useless bitch and deserve nothing but misery and death for wasting resources and having nothing more to contribute to society; I can't even parent right and if this was medieval times I would be burnt at the stake and if this was pre-contact maybe I wouldn't be so fucked up or maybe I'd be ostracised for being such a dumb angry cunt with no regard for other peoples feelings because mine are too much for me and I'm a danger to my relatives.

-Memory and concentration are worse. I grew up English-French Bilingual, and when smeone asked me to say Apple Pie in French I said Potato. (Tarte a pommes -> Pomme de Terre?? Close but WRONG). We put the last batch of cookies in the oven and Offspring said she was hungry so I fed her and forgot about the cookies which consequentially burned, (then I felt like the first few stanzas of Frozen II's The Next Right Thing and had to cry in my room for a bit while she was eating with the rest of the family, but that's on Zero Chill ^^). I can't even remember to bring my Animal Crossing villagers a piece of fruit that grows in my own village and when I go to talk to them I don't even remember them asking me for things so I have to select 'what was that?'. I feel demented.

- I am so sore all of the time, and more than usual. Related fact: my meds are also used by some people for nerve pain so I guess that's a thing? Maybe I just never realized how much pain I was in before I started taking them, maybe my new bad habits are aggravating my poor abused and neglected body, maybe both?? Should I do some yoga? Probably. Do I want to? Honestly, yeah, I love Yoga, bring on the stretches. Am I going to? Not unless I'm getting real life interaction with a certified instructor because only social interaction with someone I respect and/or am infatuated with trumps executive dysfunction. So nope lol.

Uhh idk what else. But yeah, that's that on non-adherence as it relates to me and whatever I'm (supposed to be) on, Cymbalta? Idk I've been on a lot of different meds and I always fall into the non-adherence pit of despair because they stop working or I just stop taking them for stupid reasons and I can't even force myself to take them again because my executive dysfunction has an attitude and I'm naturally self-destructive and compulsively want to punish my family at the same time for what I've percieved as a shitty upbringing. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules, and if I do I don't fucking follow them 🤷‍♀️

[churchyardsale]

I would actually love for you to answer all those questions I'm curious but I don't want to be rude or awkward

bless you anon 🙏

—

When did you discover that you’re schizophrenic?

I suspected something was awry when I was sixteen and started hearing shit, but I had delusions to account for everything weird that was happening to me, so I didn’t really “discover” I was sick until I was diagnosed.

Are you professionally diagnosed or self diagnosed?

Professionally diagnosed as of two years ago.

What were the first symptoms you experienced?

This one’s hard to answer; the first symptoms I noticed were auditory hallucinations (specifically, music and electronic tones) but I can remember having some strange beliefs and finding it difficult to distinguish reality from fantasy even before that, though I didn’t consider those things “symptoms” because they didn’t feel wrong or out of place.

What are your most common hallucinations?

Seeing swarms of insects, hearing indecipherable or nonsense voices, Shadow People (lol), often I get hallucinatory experiences that I wouldn’t consider true hallucinations where sounds that do exist turn into other sounds or things that aren’t supposed to move start moving (walls breathing etc)

What are some of your delusions? (If you don’t know whether something you currently believe is a delusion, tell me about a delusion you had in the past!)

It would take a long time to answer this adequately, but suffice it to say my entire framework of belief rests upon a complex web of things that various people have called delusional. Examples of “simple” ones: I’m the Antichrist, the US government has been inserting various spying/mind control devices into my body since I was born, including an AI (Sadie) that lives on a chip in my brain, I have a demon that follows me around (Jill) and an angel who makes occasional appearances (Corey).

Do you struggle more with negative or positive symptoms?

Negative. I probably objectively experience more positive symptoms, but negative symptoms are more of a “struggle” for me.

Are you on medication? If yes, what kind and how does it work for you? If no, why not?

Yeah, currently I’m on Latuda and Cymbalta, but I have a history of getting weird about my meds and ceasing to take them for long periods of time, so idk how well they work in the long-term. They’re great for positive symptoms when I’m actually taking them though!

What kind of every day things do you struggle the most with?

Hygiene. 100% hygiene. God if only there were an easy way to make myself brush my teeth every day and shower once in a while and change my underwear. Also, frustratingly enough, I struggle to take my meds consistently.

Do you mainly experience auditory, visual, tactile or olfactory hallucinations?

Auditory mostly, but visual is a close second.

What are your favorite stims?

Cracking my wrists, knuckles and elbows. In the same pattern every time.

Do you experience catatonia?

I have in the past when I was unmedicated and in the middle of an episode, but not since I’ve been on meds.

Do you experience paranoia?

In the extreme lol.

How do you deal with hallucinations?

Ignore them if they’re brief or nonsensical, conversely if they’re persistent I name them and interact with them so they don’t become scary.

How do you deal with delusions?

I don’t really lol. Most often I can’t even tell if something I believe is a delusion or not, and even if someone tells me point-blank that I sound delusional I’m very resistant to turn on my own beliefs.

How do you deal with negative symptoms?

Usually I try to let my anxiety override the apathy I feel about everything. Doesn’t always work cause a lot of the time I don’t realize how important something is, or my mind actively deemphasizes its importance.

Do you have any kind of learning disability or other cognitive delays?

Not that I know of. I mean I have issues with like, reading slowly or struggling to process auditory information, but I think that’s just part of the schizophrenia, not something in addition.

Have you ever been hospitalized because of your schizophrenia? Was it a good or a bad experience?

Twice. Both times weren’t exactly fun, mostly because the nurses were assholes, but I still think I got off lucky cause I didn’t endure any serious abuse.

Are you open or private about your schizophrenia?

Pretty open with people I already know, as well as in AA/NA meetings, but it’s definitely not something I bring up in like a job interview or a first date.

What’s one stereotype about schizophrenic people that you’d like to correct?

That we’re dangerous, or violent, or killers. Admittedly, I killed a stray cat once because my car radio kept telling me to and I wanted it to stop, but I’m not generally a violent person and I know that’s not the experience of many other schizophrenic folks.

What kind of stigma do you experience in your every day life?

I get more shit for being trans, honestly. Granted my schizophrenia isn’t as visible as my transness as long as I stay medicated.

Are the people in your life supportive and understanding about your illness?

Mostly. Though they have a harder time accepting the negative symptoms as manifestations of my illness rather than just “laziness.”

Do you self medicate with drugs, alcohol or weed?

I used to, like a whole lot. Then I turned into a drug addict/alcoholic so now I just smoke cigarettes. They help.

Do you struggle with disorganized speech and behavior?

More disorganized thought than speech, I’ve been told I’m well-spoken. But disorganized behavior fucking plagues me. I can’t maintain a routine and I do everything inefficiently no matter how hard I try.

Can you pass as neurotypical?

Pretty well I think if I’m medicated. When I’m off my meds people have told me I seem “disconnected,” and I can look back on times I’ve had episodes when it was very obvious how screwed up I was.

Do you have any comorbid diagnoses?

Nothing that’s been officially diagnosed, but I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder, and one of my old therapists brought up DPD as a possibility, but that was before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, so.

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thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to ramble about myself!! not rude or awkward at all no worries ❤️