#but its no secret how i feel about the goblins in wow

[mbat]

still surprised that the people behind world of warcraft actually really released a race where the women can have beards, and not even just small or subtle beards, but ones just as big and grand as the men have. i dont really ever expect much from blizzard when it comes to anything progressive really, so its always a surprise if they do have anything like this.

and when ive mentioned it before, people have told me that women dwarves (the earthen arent even actually dwarves(?), they just look A LOT like them for whatever reason) usually have beards?? but ive never seen that before this whole thing, and even then, this is blizzard were talking about. its actually just a shock they did something like this at all.

i try not to publically praise them too much for a few reasons, but i just have to say that i like it, and yes i gave my earthen woman a grand beard.

[scrollypoly]

Comrade can I have the nsfw alphabet for Jeff?? I've always seen him as a stinky goblin man I wouldn't touch with a 12 foot pole, but lately some versions of him make me curious. The people need answers!! (┛✧Д✧))┛(ppl means probably just me lol)

Local Greaseball still has simps?? Good for him, wow

CW: Mentions of dubcon and noncon and some grossness cuz, I mean, its Jeff what do you expect

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS - DO NOT INTERACT, you will be blocked

Jeff the Killer NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He's quiet after sex, if you two are close you can probably have a conversation with him. Other than that, he's absolutely the kind of dude to just chill and smoke a cigarette

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His face~ Kinda, he did it on a mental snap absolutely, and had a breakdown after, but its something he did on his own to spite his parents, and that gives him a little rush to remember. His scars are slowly healing up now. His eyes are very bright and clear though, actually kinda pretty.

On you. Boobs, 100%. Also your back for some reason, the way your spine slopes, your shoulder blades, the dimples on your lower back. A perfect little canvas. Also makes him feel like you trust him, if you can feel comfortable turning your back on him. Probably still a risky move.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Loves to cum on you, not picky where. Chest, ass, thighs, mouth, belly, back. It makes him feel so hot to see you shivering under him with glassy eyes, while you have his cum drying on you, marking you for him.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not really a dirty secret but still a secret. Jeff grew up in a very homophobic household, and while he thinks he might be bi, the fear of how he grew up makes him repress it hella hard. He kinda really wants to kiss a boy though, he's just scared :(

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Somewhat experienced. He doesn't get around a whole lot, and tbh some of the times where he does get laid are probably under questionable circumstances, but he knows his way around the body at least. You could stand to show him some tricks, he wouldn't be an ass about it.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Not super picky. Likes to fuck you from behind with a hand around your throat, or maybe shove you face first into the bed or against the wall. Personally, I'd like to see him shoved down and tied up in an amazon position tho, but thats just me 🥴

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Leans more to serious but he can occasionally be a goofball. If he's really manic, then you can expect him to be a bit off the walls.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Not well groomed at all njsdjf, though that's mostly due to him constantly being on the run. Give him a moment to settle and he'll be clean, but not trimmed

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

If he trusts you, he can get a little more intimate. But he's pretty good at staying detached during sex unfortuantely 😔

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He jacks off a lot. He gets real growly too, his back will bend and bow and he kicks and moves his legs a lot when he gets really into it.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Knife play (duh), both giving and receiving. Somno, Dacryphilia, Honestly probably CNC too. Maybe a bit of a blood kink, but he doesn't want to go too far and, well, kill you.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He can't really be picky, but ideally, he gets to break into your bedroom through the window. Midnight rendezvouses are the best 🤤

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Like most of these creeps, its very easy to get him going. Seeing you covered in blood, seeing you scared, crying, screaming, running away, threatening him, literally anything will drive him crazy. Cuz killing drives him crazy. He's just a goddamn horny ass lunatic. He's like a bear, you can't run away cuz it excites him, but honestly you can stand up to him because he likes to see the fight you got too. You're fucked either and any way

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He's not ever gonna call you mommy or daddy, so sorry. Don't call him that either, he will leave. Other than that, not much tbh

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Go down on him and he might yank your hair out from how tense and grabby he gets. He loves it, but he's far from easy, your throat will get fucked. He'll push you over and plow your mouth like its any other hole. Going down on you, he's sloppy and wet, and loud. Loud long slurps as he devours you like a man starved

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Rough at any pace, depends on how long he can stay. If he has hours or even all night, he'll take his time and make sure you're thoroughly worked over and boneless. But most of the time, he doesn't have that kind of time, so you'll get some head spinning quickies that steal your breath and leave you in a tizzy

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Hell yeah. He'll be on the run and stop by to get his dick wet, leave you with a cute bloody note and be back in a month for more~ ;)

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

P damn good. He can go a couple of rounds, take a quick break to catch his breath, and keep going for quite a while. He still needs basic human needs though, so maybe make sure he drinks some water so he doesn't pass out on ya, cuz he might.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Unfortunately it's not super conducive to carry toys around when you don't really have a settling spot, so he uses yours. Double teams on you with your vibrator

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Huge sadistic tease. I mean, he thinks the few minutes before a kill are a tease, so. Be prepared for this man to come onto you while you are under his knife. He's a huge nasty flirt, and he will always be at least a little sexual.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Noisy, but not super loud. Groans and dirty talks in your ear or against your neck, calls you names, degrades you a bit and tries to embarrass you

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He's both a sadist and a masochist. Honestly the type to give you some of his blood if he's crazy for you. Has no qualms about fucking you next to a dead body either. Steals your underwear and cums in them for you to find. The most likely to have a piss kink, unfortunately. Literally just the grossest boy ever omg. I pretty much just use this section as a catch all for stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else huh djddhsjf

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words

6 inches but thick. Girthy. Super sensitive on the tip.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very high. One of the highest sex drives out of all of them, can go for ours and even when he's gone soft he wants to keep going. Very needy and grabby and flirty.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He's gotta really trust you. He gets super paranoid that you're either gonna kill him, or call the cops on him, so usually he waits til you fall asleep and then leaves

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[janeykath318]

The Avengers Zoo

“Since when did the Avengers compound become a zoo?” Darcy asked, flabbergasted to see a frog and a porcupine just chilling out while a hairless cat sat in a sunny corner relaxing. Jane had been summoned down to headquarters and she’d begged Darcy to come too.

“Since Loki showed up and decided to cause havoc, as he is wont to do,” Jane sighed. “Everyone is….not human right now.”

“Oh, dear,” Darcy sighed. “Have you figured out who’s who?” 

“Getting there. Hawkeye and Falcon are obvious, The bald eagle has to be Steve, and Thor is a golden retriever, which I have to admit, is kind of fitting.” 

A big yellow dog trotted over to Jane and sat at her feet, tail wagging and tongue lolling. 

“Hey there, big guy!” Darcy greeted. Thor barked and doggy grinned at her. 

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too, pal,” she returned, smiling at him. “Hopefully, we can convince your Bro to undo whatever he did.”

“We think they still have their human minds, but Leo and Jemma are running some tests to verify that,” Jane informed her, leading Darcy to another room, which contained a dozing black bear, a striking panther, an adorable floppy-eared bunny, and three large birds of prey.

Darcy’s jaw dropped and she saluted the bald eagle. 

“Wow, Cap. It’s a good look on you,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. The eagle-Cap’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t move a muscle. 

Talk about majestic.

The sleek Falcon next to him let out a sound that Darcy took to be a birdish laugh and preened his feathers. 

“Yeah, I see you, Wilson. You’re looking good, too,” she assured him.

Clint-Hawk flapped over to her and squawked a greeting.

“Hey, Clint. How’s the bird life treating you?” She asked, trying not to laugh. “If this wasn’t top secret, I’d have so much good blackmail material on you.” 

Hawkeye gave her a birdie glare and shook his brown feathery head. 

Darcy had to stifle a shriek when two large spiders suddenly dropped down in front of her. Of course, they were much bigger than any natural spider, but Loki had probably done that on purpose.

 “Natasha?” She asked nervously, looking at the one with the red hourglass symbol on its body and thanking her stars she wasn’t arachnophobic. 

The spider blinked at her and waved one of its legs, as if affirming her guess. The other spider was a solid black and much more wiggly than Natasha. 

“Let me guess: Peter?” She queried, laughing at the younger spider’s antics as he shot around webbing everything in sight. 

“Yep,” Jane sighed. “He makes such a mess.”

“King T’Challa looks every bit as regal in panther form as human form,” Darcy commented, watching the panther walking alongside one of the scientists, not making the slightest noise. 

“He’s trying his best to help us figure this out,” Jane said affectionately. “He’s quite brilliant even in large cat form.”

The bunny rabbit hopped over to them and looked up at Darcy intensely. In a flash, she was given a mental image of the transformation moment and all the human identities of the animals. 

“That’s definitely Wanda,” She informed Jane. 

“She showed me who everyone is.” 

One of the other scientists ran over eagerly.

“Ooh. Do tell,” he begged, looking like an excited puppy.

Jane rolled her eyes. 

“Darcy, this is Leo Fitz. He’s helping figure this thing out. Fitz, this is Darcy.”

“Nice to meet you.” 

“Likewise,” Fitz said. 

“Other than the ones we already know, the cat is Dr. Strange, the frog is Bruce Banner, the porcupine is Tony Stark…” She cut off with a giggle and Fitz and Jane grinned at the hilarity of Tony the Porcupine.

“Anyway, Wanda is the rabbit, and the bear is Bucky Barnes, bless his heart.”

Darcy looked over to the bear, who was now awake and watching her with quizzical eyes. 

“I’d stay away from that one,” Fitz advised. “He growls if anyone gets within three meters of him.”

“Poor Bucky really doesn’t like scientists,” Darcy told him. “He knows me. I’ll be okay.”

She walked over and sat down beside Bucky the Bear. He lifted his head, but didn’t growl or lunge at her. 

“Hey, there, Bucky.” She told him. “Can you understand me?”

The big bear head nodded clumsily. 

“Excellent,” Darcy beamed, then sighed, remembering their last very awkward encounter. “Now I can finally clear the air about us without you running off or interrupting me with self-flagellation.” 

Bucky bear made a mournful sound, but Darcy kept on track.

“I thought we had a good thing going, Bucky. The flirting was top-notch and you had me completely wrapped around your little finger. Then we kissed and suddenly, you freaked out and avoided me like I had the plague. It’s okay if you aren’t ready, but I want you to know I’m not scared of you in bear form and I’m not scared of you in human form, either. 

You’re a good man, Bucky Barnes. Believe it or not, you do deserve to be happy. Just think about that, okay?”

She could see Steve’s eagle eye watching them, and The Falcon and The Hawk were also gazing with interest. 

The bear snuffled and looked up at her with soulful eyes that were ridiculously cute in a large beast like him. 

Darcy had a strong urge to give him a pet, but figured it would be best to ask first.

“Do you mind if I touch you? That fur is really something.”

The bear didn’t seem to mind and Darcy slowly sank her fingers into his side and marveled at the feel. She gently ran her hand over his soft black fur, noting that Bucky bear had closed his eyes in bliss. 

“Oh, you like that, do you?” She teased. “I bet your human self would too.” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a commotion and Jane Foster giving a familiar mischievous figure a thorough chewing out. Loki was trying to be a smartass, but Jane was having none of it. Finally, he gave an exasperated huff.

“Fine! I have modified the spell to wear off in three days. There is no need for more threats. I am well aware of your expertise. You mortals have no sense of humor.”

With a poof, Loki turned himself into a snake and slithered away. 

Jane sighed. 

“Hear that everyone? You’ll be human again in three days. I have no idea what we’re going to do in the meantime.”

Turned out, Darcy added Avengers zookeeper to her resume during the next few days. She chatted to them, made terrible bird jokes, and helped make sure they ate. She got to watch Steve, Sam, and Hawkeye soaring regally in the air, which was a pretty incredible sight. Bunny Wanda liked to sit on her lap and nibble at lettuce while Porcupine Tony made ridiculous faces at Darcy and pretended he was going to poke Bucky with his quills. Bucky mostly snoozed at Darcy’s feet or watched the Birdy Trio flying around. 

Kitty Strange slept most of the time and looked disdainfully at the others when he was awake, goblin like eyes eerily watchful. Thor of course, followed Jane around with his undying loyalty, and the spiders chilled out in their webs, amusing themselves by building more and more elaborate designs. Bruce was given his own private enclosure away from the chaos and he hopped about contentedly. 

When day three arrived, they made sure everyone was in a safe location for a safe transition back to human form and waited it out. 

Darcy got a text from Jane while on a coffee run that simply said, “I forgot how annoying human Tony is. I think I liked him better as a porcupine.”

The avengers were chattering and joking around about their antics as animals when Darcy got back. 

“Lewis! I hear you’re switching careers to zookeeper!” Tony yelled. She flipped him off and ignored him. (She’d learned long ago this was the most effective method of dealing with him if Pepper wasn’t around to tattle to.) 

“I have now dubbed you three the Birdy Trio and nothing is gonna change it, so get used to it,” she informed Steve, Clint, and Sam. 

They all groaned and Darcy grinned in satisfaction. 

Behind her there came a rusty bark of laughter and she turned to see Bucky grinning from ear to ear. His smiles were rare, but they were so adorable, Darcy’s heart skipped a beat.

“Don’t be smug, Barnes,” she playfully chastened him. “You’re gonna be Bucky Bear to me for the rest of your life.” 

The smile did not diminish one bit.

“I hope that’s not the only thing I am to you, doll,” he said softly, making her blush.

Steve, observing their interaction, dragged Clint and Sam away to give them privacy and Darcy vowed to thank him later. Steve really was a good bro.

“You were right. I shouldn’t have run away like that,” he admitted, taking a tentative step toward her. “I’ve been kicking myself ever since. I’ve got more issues than National Geographic magazine, but if you’re willing to give me another chance, I’d definitely like to take it.” 

Darcy smiled and grabbed his hands in hers: both of them. He looked surprised when he saw her grasping his metal hand, but he gently squeezed back. 

“Bucky Bear, I’d love to. How about we start by catching up over dinner?”

“Sounds great, doll,” he said, beaming at her. 

[odanurr87]

My thoughts on... Hotel del Luna

From left to right: Pyo Ji-hoon as Ji Hyun-joong; Yeo Jin-goo as Gu Chan-sung; Lee Ji-eun (IU) as Jang Man-wol; Bae Hae-seon as Choi Seo-hee; and Shin Jung-keun as Kim Sun-bi.

Released in 2019, Hotel del Luna was my introduction to the works of the Hong sisters as well as actors Yeo Jin-goo and Lee Ji-eun (IU), and what an introduction it was! The first episode of the show was excellent, giving us a hint of Man-wol’s tragic past that left me wanting to know more, then moving forwards in time to reenact that scene from Beauty and the Beast where Belle’s father is caught trying to steal a rose from Beast’s garden to give to Belle, and finally reaching present day as Man-wol tries to recruit Chan-sung and introduces him, and us, to this world of gods, ghosts, and souls with lingering grudges, that reminded me of the wondrous world of Harry Potter. Everything clicked for me in this episode, from the beautiful cinematography and music to the strong performances, particularly IU’s as Man-wol who knocked it out of the park and, incidentally, has a most impressive wardrobe and an uncanny ability to look amazing in every single one of her outfits. This was a highly promising start for my next modern fantasy show after Goblin and I couldn’t wait for the next episode. But what is this show about and why should you watch it?

Plot synopsis

21 years ago, Gu Chang-sung’s father cut a deal with the beautiful and mysterious owner of Hotel del Luna, Jang Man-wol, so that she would save his life in exchange for his son. Regretting the deal afterwards, the father left the country with his son hoping to spare him his fate. Believing himself to be safe, Gu Chan-sung has returned to work as assistant manager in one of Korea’s top hotels but Jang Man-wol is intent on collecting on the old debt by having him work in her hotel instead. However, Hotel del Luna is not your typical establishment, as Gu Chan-sung soon finds out, providing a service for souls who need healing or have grudges left to settle before moving on. While initially afraid of the prospect of becoming assistant manager at a hotel that serves ghosts, Gu Chan-sung finds himself intrigued by the challenge and curious about the story of the beautiful owner who runs it.

A magical atmosphere

Stepping into the world of Hotel del Luna feels like taking the train at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and attending Hogwarts. In fact, our intrepid hero, Gu Chan-sung, also receives a magical letter welcoming him as Hotel del Luna’s new manager, and while there’s nothing magical about the subway that takes him there Jang Man-wol does use a little magic to ensure their first encounter goes undisturbed. The hotel itself reminded me of Hogwarts, not because it is filled with ghosts and can only be found by them (and the very much alive and fearful human manager), but because of the feeling of perpetual wonder knowing that behind every door lies a new magical mystery waiting to be discovered, be it a room only people who are alive can enter but not exit, the sky lounge, a swimming pool that is actually a beach in some undetermined plane of existence, or a beautiful garden with a magical tree that holds one of the hotel’s biggest secrets. Of course, one should not forget CEO Jang Man-wol (if one wishes to live) who, while certainly a very different character from Albus Dumbledore in terms of personality, always knows more than she’s letting on and is usually in control of any situation, even if the outcome isn’t always the one she anticipates. There is also the wonderful supporting cast in the form of the different incarnations of the deity Ma Go-sin (played by Seo Yi-sook, who looks like she’s having a blast playing the different sides of the goddess), a reserved but diligent Grim Reaper (played by Kang Hong-suk), and the welcoming staff of the hotel, represented by the trio of Kim Sum-bi (the bartender), Choi Seo-hee (the room manager), and Ji Hyun-joong (the hotel receptionist).

In the same way we cannot divorce Harry Potter from its music, given its distinct signature by that legend that is John Williams, I cannot forego mentioning Hotel del Luna’s mysterious, magical, and ethereal, instrumental soundtrack. Let me take you on a brief musical tour, shall I? Let’s start by taking subway line 4 and going to Hotel del Luna. The receptionist seems to be asleep so why don’t we let ourselves in? Wow, looks like the hotel’s throwing a party, apparently they’re welcoming human guests for the first time in years and the staff is particularly excited about it. That explains how we managed to get in (remember, this is not really a hotel for living, breathing, people). I can see that the bartender is busy receiving food orders and members of the staff are decorating the hall with real flowers. Hey, where’s that kid sneaking off to? Let’s follow him. Oh, that’s the Samdocheon Tunnel, which marks the boundary between this life and the afterlife. The Grim Reaper and the manager are there to bid farewell to one of the hotel’s guests. Apparently, there’s a bridge beyond the tunnel that takes 49 days to cross! I’m not eager to cross it just yet so let’s return to the hotel. Wait, why is there water everywhere? Looks like a water god managed to get past the receptionist (not that difficult when he’s asleep) and the CEO isn’t very happy about it. Yup, she definitely doesn’t look happy. We’d better make our exit before she figures out we shouldn’t be here.

To complement this excellent instrumental soundtrack, my favourite among all the kdramas I’ve watched to date, there’s an amazing selection of songs by artists like Red Velvet, TAEYEON, Heize, Punch, Chung Ha, and Paul Kim, among many others. IU herself sings an absolutely beautiful song that plays in one of the most highly-anticipated scenes of the show but which, sadly, has not been released. However, just as important as having a great soundtrack is using it well. If you’ve read my reviews of Angel’s Last Mission: Love or Strong Woman Do-Bong Soon, you should have an idea of how much I value using the right music at the right time to convey or accentuate the proper emotions during dramatic, comedic, or romantic scenes. Correct music usage can lead to your soundtrack being memorable, whereas incorrect music usage will surely render it forgettable. Fortunately for us, Hotel del Luna knows precisely when to use its music and how. It knows when levity is called for and when it’s not, when to highlight the wondrous side of magic and when to show its darker side, when to use Heize’s “Can You See My Heart” or Punch’s “Done For Me.” I believe it was John Williams, when talking about the music of the original Star Wars trilogy, who said that he wanted the score to tell the story of what was going on in the screen. I believe Hotel del Luna’s score achieves this feat.

Another aspect that contributes to the magical atmosphere of the show is, without a doubt, its incredible cinematography (from camera angles, through its beautiful use of lighting and colours) which, combined with its excellent score, can create scenes that are best defined as poetry in motion. I particularly liked how it favoured studio sets for shooting many of its scenes, giving the sensation that we’re watching a superb play that encourages us to send our imagination into overdrive. Even some of the more noticeable VFX work, like the city view from the hotel’s sky lounge plays into the notion that one cannot always tell what’s real and what’s fake in Hotel del Luna, as Man-wol warns Chan-sung that the view from the sky lounge is not from this world, but the fall will kill him just the same (Man-wol being Man-wol). Because I’m not knowledgeable enough to explain the show’s cinematography in technical terms, I’ll leave you with a trailer that captures some aspects of it and, luckily, also showcases Jang Man-wol’s incredible selection of dresses.

A part of a greater whole

In my review of Bring it on, Ghost I mentioned the show followed a certain formula that is often poorly executed in Western shows. There is a main story-arc that encompasses the whole of the show and there are side stories where our protagonists confront the “ghost of the week.” One of the strengths of Bring it on, Ghost lied in how these side stories would sometimes tie into the main story or would be used to expand on a character’s backstory so that they rarely came across as filler. Hotel del Luna executes the same formula with a lot more thought and care, often laying out the groundwork for events later down the episode, what is expected, or even later down the show, what is a bit more impressive. The Hong sisters remain true to their initially-stated intention throughout the show and reinforce this with the aid of these side stories, preparing both Gu Chan-sung and us for the inevitable dénouement of the show. Let me try to illustrate my point by way of an example. I don’t want to give more for fear of completely spoiling the show for you.

Episode 5 tells the story of a ghost bride whose parents want to give a soul wedding so she will be able to peacefully pass into the afterlife. Unfortunately, the chosen partner for this soul wedding ends up being Gu Chan-sung’s best friend, Sanchez, so while Man-wol goes shopping as Audrey Hepburn with the parents’ black card (our girl has very expensive tastes), Gu Chan-sung tries to figure out a way to spare his terrified friend. After some twists and turns, what is often the case with this show as the truth is not always what it seems, it is revealed that it is actually the groom’s parents who want to marry off the bride so she’ll let go of their son, who’s in a coma. For those who’ve watched Bring it on, Ghost, the parallels with the ghost side story from Episode 10 are fairly evident, as the ghost bride needs to find the strength to let go of the person she loves and she ultimately does so in one of the most beautifully composed scenes of the show. This is one of those “poetry in motion” scenes I was talking about. As the groom runs away in shock and fear, the bride gathers the courage to cut the red string of fate tying them together, under the intent gazes of Gu Chan-sung, dressed as the groom, and Jan Man-wol, dressed as a bride (in red).

You need a stronger will to let go than to hold on.

This scene is a portent of events yet to come, when the day finally arrives where Chan-sung and Man-wol will also have to part ways. Indeed, several episodes later, the room manager will remind Gu Chan-sung of the words Goddess Ma Go-sin then told the ghost bride, “You need a stronger will to let go than to hold on.” The bride’s selfless act of letting go of the person she loves, breaking free from her earthly tether of her own volition, can be seen as a challenge to Man-wol, whose hatred for the man who betrayed her has been her sole drive for the past 1,300 years but also a curse that has bounded her to the hotel and prevented her from dying. Could she, like the bride, unburden herself by letting go of her hatred? Is it possible for someone with such a long and deep resentment to simply let go? This is a recurring question throughout the show and one that puts her at odds with her increasing desire to protect Gu Chan-sung, as she fears her actions, born of her hatred for the people who wronged her, might end up harming the man she loves.

Side stories such as this one often give us further insight into Man-wol, whether it be a glimpse of her past or challenging her beliefs, making her question herself and her actions, however briefly.

A fairy tale romance

Man-wol is a tsundere character, both a Beauty and a Beast, who has been nursing a thousand-year-old grudge against the people who betrayed her and consequently filters every human interaction through a lens of cold cynicism, expecting the worst from people. Chan-sung on the other hand, is a proper gentleman, a type of character we don’t often see in kdramas and a natural consequence of his training as a hotel manager. He’s friendly, cultured, well-mannered, kind, clever, and someone who's very much in control of his emotions most of the time. The evolution of the relationship between these two characters is the centrepiece of Hotel del Luna, a breath of fresh air in a landscape that often feels the need to use love triangles, or other polygons, as a shortcut to properly fleshing out the relationship between two characters. While there are elements of a love triangle present, such as expressions of jealousy for the sake of comedy, Hotel del Luna chooses to forego this trope and commit fully to the main characters’ fairy tale-like romance.

When you tell her you’ve been dreaming about her.

Another trope the Hong sisters mostly dispense with is that of misunderstandings, which are kept to a bare minimum, as Man-wol and Chan-sung are very open with each other regarding their thoughts and feelings, although Man-wol is, understandably, less transparent about her feelings in the beginning. It was incredibly refreshing to witness two characters that could guess each other’s thoughts and were willing to have an open and honest conversation about it rather than to hold back for the sake of drama. Of course, this did become somewhat frustrating for Man-wol (and fun for us) when Chan-sung started gaining more confidence, feeling at ease with Man-wol, and rebuking her selfish or materialistic actions. Their playful banter and bickering throughout the show is, to my mind, a clear indication that they’re comfortable with each other, as strong a sign of the chemistry in their relationship as half a dozen kisses, if not a better one, what is a good thing because those are few and far between. On the other hand, it makes those moments much more valuable and meaningful. The love between Man-wol and Chan-sung comes across in the gestures they make, in their facial expressions, in the words spoken and left unsaid. When Man-wol tries to comfort Chan-sung but doesn’t know how (Video), when she confesses she wants him to stay with her till the end and they share an intimate hug (Video), when Chan-sung breaks down and cries at the thought of not being able to see Man-wol ever again (Video), when the two have a conversation on the balcony under the moonlight (Video)... These are a precious few examples of the beauty, strength, and depth of feeling, of their relationship.

When the adult catches you in a lie.

While Man-wol is not the same ruthless person she was at the beginning of the show as she is at the end, she still retains some elements or traits of her personality throughout the show (there’s still a little tsun in her dere), as it should be. In one episode Chan-sung is remarking upon how much nicer she has become and she replies, “Gu Chan-sung, you’ve made leaves and flowers grow and have changed me a lot. But you won’t be able to change my core personality. Don’t even expect that.” Even as she says this you can see her looking a little uneasy about something, a little girl about to be caught in a lie by the adult who’s trying to keep her out of trouble. It is thanks to Gu Chan-sung’s patient and enduring love, that protected her from the worst aspects of her own self, that Man-wol is able to let go of her anger, both literally and metaphorically. But Man-wol also deserves praise, as she reciprocates Chan-sung’s love and equally tries to protect him from the dangers of this new world he has entered but most of all from herself, to the point she is willing to renounce her revenge and extinguish her existence to ensure she can never harm the man she loves.

Conclusion

It should be evident by now that I absolutely love this show and it is, without a doubt, my favourite out of all I’ve watched thus far, including Goblin. This is not to say the show is without flaws. Its almost single-minded focus on the story of Man-wol and Chan-sung has some collateral damage, most notably in the form of a character’s loved one, an event used as a means to highlight the pain experienced by those left behind, anticipating the day when our main protagonists will be forced to part ways. In another case, a poignant encounter for Chan-sung is not properly fleshed out, perhaps intentionally so but it seems like a wasted opportunity. Additionally, the introduction and development of the secondary villain’s arc (Man-wol is both the love interest and the main antagonist) felt a little weak, but is still a functional plot device that leads to some of the show’s best scenes. Finally, there is also the way the Hong sisters handled the riddle of Chan-sung’s dreams, which I may address in a separate post because it has too many spoilers.

If you’re a fan of fantasy dramas like Goblin, there’s simply no reason for me not to recommend this show and, hopefully, I’ve given you a few to persuade you as to why this is such a standout drama and, to my mind, the Hong sisters’ best work to date. It’s even on r/KDRAMA’s banner as one of those must-watch shows. If you do decide to watch it, I advise you to pace yourself so you don’t have to say goodbye to Hotel del Luna’s wonderful family too soon.

[365days365movies]

March 16, 2021: Legend (1985) (Part One)

Hi, Tim Curry. How are you doing today?

Yeah, that tracks. Been a while, always good to see you. Man, actually, when is the last time I saw you? Clone Wars? I think so, although I don’t know if that really counts. I think, in person, it was...oof, Criminal Minds in 2012?

Yeah, dude, you were FUCKING TERRIFYING, HOLY SHIT. I feel like people don’t talk about that performance as much, but you were goddamn amazing, buddy. Sorry I didn’t open with this, but...you were my childhood, Ti. Like, from Clue to The Wild Thornberrys to Muppet Treasure Goddamn Island GOD I LOVE YOU IN THAT MOVIE TOO

Amazing. And let’s not forget Ferngully, of course. Look...I love you, OK? You’re beautiful. And I know that recently, you’ve been through a lot of health struggles, and I wish you the absolute best, I sincerely do. You’re the best, man. Hang in there. 

Actually, while I have you...settle a bet for me, I’ve got it with myself. Have I...have I already seen this movie? Because I feel like I might have, but I don’t think so. It’s like the Mandela effect, y’know? I mean, if I’d seen it before...would I not remember you in this get-up?

I mean...come ON, RIGHT? I know FOR A FACT that I’ve attempted to watch this movie with friends before, and that didn’t happen. Then, I tried to watch it on my own, and that didn’t pan out because I’m pretty sure I fell asleep after 15 minutes. It had been a long day, I’m sorry. But...I don’t get it, Tim Curry? What the hell happened?

Well...whatever. I guess we’re going to take care of this ONCE AND FOR ALL. Now, who directed this movie?

Oh shit, REALLY? RIDLEY SCOTT! Kick-ass, he did Alien, and this - 

And then this - 

OOH, and this!

Oh, and we can’t forget this!

And also this!

And...and this...

...And this...

Oh. Fuck, and this.

...

OH GOD STOP I FORGOT ABOUT 1492

...OK, this could either be a very good movie, or a very VERY bad one. I mean...it’s got Tim Curry in it, so it can’t be that bad? And hey, Scott was on a hotstreak at the time, right? What could go wrong? Let’s do this!

SPOILERS AHEADOH FUCK IS THAT TOM CRUISE

Recap (1/2)

...Ahem. Um. OK. Maybe I imagined that image, or it’s from a different movie. Cool. Let’s keep going, nothing to see here.

The opening text scroll tells us that once, long ago, before time was even a concept, the world was shrouded in darkness. But Darkness hid from the light, which brought to the world laughter, love, and...unicorns. Yeah, really. Unicorns harbor the Light in their souls, as the most mytsical of all creatures. They’re safe from Darkness, and can only be found by a pure-hearted mortal, like Jack, a denizen of the forest. He is loved by Lily, and both believe only in goodness. But not for long, as a struggle for the balance between Darkness and Light is about to commence, and in that struggle will be born...Legend (1985), dir. Ridley Scott.

As the opening credits roll and confirm that Tom Cruise is in fact in this movie, I take a brief moment to vomit lightly.

At night, walking through the forest, there is a creature with some...bad-ass makeup and costume design GODDAMN. Like, yeah, that category’s already looking good. Anyway, the creature goes through the forest, and finds a den of fire and torture, all lorded over by a horned man, who speaks Mother Night, asking for her protection.

This is Darkness (Tim Curry), and...fuck me, holy shit, I GET it. Like, this dude began an entire movement and aethestic, and it makes a fuckton of sense. THis dude must have given birth to, like 10,000 goth children, goddamn. Anyway, he commands his goblin henchman Blix (Alice Playten) to find a unicorn and kill it, and to bring its horn back to him. Blix, the rhyming cretin, asks how to find them. And Darkness answers with the perfect lure: innocence.

That innocence is symbolized by Princess Lily (Mia Sara), a maiden cavorting happily about the wood, without a care in the goddamn world. She visits her friend Nell (Tina Martin), and briefly has a vision of winter in the cottage. Nell notes that it’s time for her to grow up a bit, but Lily’s only concerned with finding her sweetheart, Jack.

And Jack is...well, Jack o’ the Green (Tom Cruise) is a young man who lives in the forest, with his animal friends. An innocent himself, he’s basically Peter Pan, with Lily playing his Wendy. Except, well, they’re not THAT innocent, because they, like, IMMEDIATELY make out on the forest floor. Which has to be uncomfortable, real goddamn talk.

Jack teaches Lily to speak with the birds, then takes her to see something wonderful and rare. All the while, they’re being followed by Blix, who believes that their innocence will attract the mystical unicorns. And, uh, yeah, Blix is entirely correct about that, because here they come! And they’re making whale noises?

Apparently, as long as unicorns roam the Earth, evil can never harm the pure of heart. They express only love and laughter, and dark thoughts are unknown to them. Which Lily takes as an opportunity to go hang out with them, despite Jack’s urgings.

But the unicorns seem receptive to her, to Jack’s...frustration? He just kinda leaves her behind for some reason. And Blix takes the opportunity to hit one of the unicorns with a poison dart, causing them to be startled and storm off. Lily flees into the forest, and is immediately scolded by Jack, saying that what she did is forbidden by magic forest law. OK. She’s as confused about that as I am, but she still apologizes to him.

The two kiss, and Lily makes a promise to him and the universe, I guess, and says that whomever finds her ring will have the right to marry her. She throws it, and Jack IMMEDIATELY JUMPS OFF A CLIFF AFTER IT GODDAMN MY MAN! Lily screams hysterically after him for...some reason?

However, this isn’t great timing, because Blix and the goblins have caught up to the poisoned unicorn, and they cut off its horn, immediately plunging the forest into a fierce winter, similar to what Lily saw in her vision. Jack, in the river looking for the ring, is trapped underwater, beneath ice. By the time he breaks out, Lily’s already run away, to Nell’s place. Nell is frozen solid for some reason, and the goblins are also coming off after Lily for...some reason.

Lily hides, as Blix and his two companions Pox (Peter O’Farrell) and Blunder (Kiran Shah) exposit the whole thing so that Lily’s caught up on her fault in all of this, and once they leave, she promises to make it right. No idea how she’s gonna do that, but sure.

Jack, meanwhile has collapsed in the woods and snow. He’s woken up by a spirit of the forest named Honeythorn Gump (David Bennent), who is...interesting. He asks Jack what in the FUCK happened, and Jack admits that Lily, a mortal, touched a unicorn, which is apparently the ultimate no-no. Gump’s pissed, but the ACTUAL SECOND that Jack says that it was for love, Gump’s just...totally cool with it? They have a drink with Brown Tom (Cork Hubbert), and agree to help him find Lily...like, immediately.

They quickly find the dead unicorn, and yeah, the unicorn is FUCKING DEAD after losing its horn, and its mate shows up to mourn. Jack and Gump mourn with the magical creature, which looks REALLY BIG for a horse, Jesus. She stays with her fallen mate, and Jack goes back to the group, delivering the news that they’re cursed? No idea where that came from. 

To lift the curse and get the horn back, they must find a champion bold in heart and spirit. Gump IMMEDIATELY nominates Jack, and takes him to some cave where he can find weapons and armor. He’s guided by Oona (Annabelle Lanyon), a fairy who is LITERALLY NAVI FROM ZELDA, I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

Oona reveals her true form to him secretly, then notes that she could be anything he wants her to be, even his heart’s desire. COMIN’ ON A LITTLE STRONG THERE OONA. Anyway, in the vault of golden weapons and armor and...gold, Jack grabs a sword.

Meanwhile, Lily follows Blix and his group, where Blix uses the magic of the Unicorn Horn (or the Alicorn) to demonstrate his newly found prowess. But as he’s claiming to take over Darkness’ kingdom. Just then, Darkness shows up and claims the Horn for himself, and kills Blunder when he talks back. Darkness asks whether or not the Unicorns are both dead, and reveals that his power will not be complete until the female Unicorn is also dead.

Lily runs off and makes her way back to the Unicorn and Brown Tom, and warns them of the Goblin’s approach to kill the Mare. Brown Tom, who I think is either a leprechaun or a brownie, fends the Goblins off, while Lily and the Mare...DON’T RUN? FUCKING RUN YOU ASSHOLES!

Tom gets shot by an arrow...in the hat. He immediately falls dead, despite being totally fine, the dick. And Lily and the mare are captured, BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T FUCKING RUN WHEN THEY SHOULD’VE. Jack, Gump, and the leprechaun/gnome/brownie/halfling Screwball (Billy Barty) come to “rescue” him. He tells them that Lily’s alive, and Gump takes Jack to the Great Tree for the next step, accompanied by Screwball and Tom. There, they find...

WOW. THAT SHIT IS COOL. This is Meg Mucklebone *Robert Picardo), and this thing is absolutely my favorite thing in the movie so far...AND THEN JACK KILLS HER IMMEDIATELY. JAAAAAAACK, WHAT THE HELL, she was really cool. Goddamn it.

The group gets to the great tree, then falls into an underground prison, where Blunder is also held. The group is NOT where they want to be, right in Darkness’ lair. Nice job, Gump. In the prison, the guys, now joined by fellow brownie/dwarf/gnome thing Blunder, hide from one of Darkness’ men, as he takes Blunder away to the torture table.

Stuck in the cell, Jack suggests that Oona go and get the keys. However, her ability to transform into a humanoid form was a secret between her and Jack, and she’s upset by him revealing it. Gump’s also upset by the secret in and of itself, but she defends that her secrets are hers to keep. You tell him, Oona!

She then says that she’ll only do what Jack wants if he kisses her, GODDAMN IT OONA. NOW IS NOT THE TIE TO GO ALL TINKERBELL IN HOOK! He gives her a little peck, but she transforms into Lily to make him give her a real kiss, dear lord that is CREEPY, OONA! Jack almost kisses her, but refuses at the last second. He notes that human hearts can’t be won over that way, which greatly upsets Oona. Still, she ends up getting the keys for them regardless, and sets them free.

And at this point, we are halfway through, so FUCK IT. PART TWO! See you there.

[partly-cloudyskies]

1, 12, 16, 18 + one I didnt pick but you secretly want to talk about

This has run long so I’m putting it under a break. Some thought about my current writing projects, an old abandoned project and, uh, word counts below!

1) Welp I got three WIPs:

This is How We Grow: My first real attempt to fully commit to the heightened romance and emotion of an idealized pastoral setting but sometimes there are shadow monsters plus this also acts as an excuse to see more of Soup’s weblena art.

The Longest Shadows: A future fic where Lena becomes a badass shadow witch and Webby learns that the McDuck legacy is a complicated thing rather than the unalloyed good that she unthinkingly embraced as a youth (Yeah how you doin season 3).

The Glass Factory: A Maebea NITW AU where Mae and Bea find and cling to each other out of a shared sense of alienation as they bear witness to an economically depressed city in its final moments before the shockwave of gentrification turns it into something unrecognizable and hostile (YES I’m still working on it!!)

12) A dumb line from an old WIP... there are so many abandoned projects that are like, two chapters and then a separate file full of quotes that I thought were cool and then I never looked back on them again. I’m sure those hold up. Let me check my old writings folder...

OH NO. I have it and I hate it but I’m going to post it anyway:

Detta rises over the Blackfuse mercenary as he struggled with the debris crushing him. Short even for a goblin, she looms over him like a Titan contemplating the fleeting life of mortals. She raises one hand, closed in a fist that sparks and howls with the wind.

“I’m gonna put a hurricane in your skull. See what it does to your brain.”

FOR CONTEXT, this is an old WIP from, like, 2016. It was a World of Warcraft fic that I REALLY wanted to write. It took place during the Panderia campaign and was set entirely in Bilgewater Harbor, an island city of goblins that is almost entirely empty in-game but I always liked its chaotic design. It was about Detta, a goblin Shaman who had given up adventuring and became a freelance problem solver in Bilgewater. She had a Storm Elemental she named Dizzy who she used as a secretary. One day Korkron troopers loyal to Hellscream bursts into her office and tells her they want to hire her to track down a criminal. Tozz, one of the troopers, is assigned to stay with her to make sure she stays on task. Eventually they would find the criminal only to learn he’s a Twilight’s Hammer cultist who had been in Orgrimmar instructing Hellscream’s forces on the secrets of Dark Shamanism and Hellscream was hiding this by killing everyone involved. You can take it from me that it was VERY lore compliant while filling in the spaces that the game devs had left CRIMINALLY underdeveloped and was going to be a dramatic story in the vein of film noir, with intrigue and divided loyalties and shifting motivations all on the eve of war and rebellion and WoW DESERVED to have better story than it did and you know what I’ve decided that is actually a brilliant line and I am PROUD of it and --

You get the picture. Next question!

16) Hm... this is a question that I don’t really have an answer for because all worldbuilding is good worldbuilding if you ask me. I think the thing about worldbuilding is that a good 90% of it doesn’t make it to the page and we kind of struggle with that because if you have all this research material then you might feel compelled to splash it all out on the page so you’d have something to show for all the time you spent. But that’s not what it’s for, it’s so that you have something to refer to when you need it. It’s the big part of the iceberg no one else gets to see. So maps? Spreadsheets? Research? None of it is ridiculous. All of it is good.

I guess the most of it I’ve ever done was for the novel that I wrote. I had a lot of material for that. I drew a map and I even tried to keep it to scale by sketching it out using travel route lines in Google Maps. I guess that is a little ridiculous, but I’ve no regrets.

18) I hate title and I don’t really spend much time on them. I certainly don’t keep track of how many titles I come up with before settling on one. I tend to be direct, I think.

Glass Factory is called Glass Factory because there’s a glass factory in NITW and my story takes place in an art studio. There’s an art studio in Alexandria called the Torpedo Factory, and that and its surroundings is what inspired that story, so Glass Factory. ez.

Longest Shadows is about legacy, the shadows cast by Scrooge and Magica and how Webby and Lena fall under those shadows. Plus it’s Lena so there’s almost a 100% chance any story with her has some kind of shadow reference in the title. So that’s that.

This is How We Grow was probably the most agonizing of my recent WIPs in terms of title. I think it’s a little clunky. But it’s about the two main characters growing and it’s... there’s farming. Plants grow. So... uh, that’s it. I might not be a huge fan of the title but I’ve never considered changing it. Never look back, when it comes to titles. That’s my motto.

Now for a question of my choosing...

14) I can knock out 500 words pretty easily on a good day, like on a real good day I can do a 1000 in half an hour. I’ve had times where I got an idea in the morning, wrote 2000 words about it, edited it by lunch and posted it by evening. But good days are few and far between and mostly I just put in a paragraph or two where I can.

I used to be very obsessive about word count. Like, I still look at it today but now it’s just like “oh, that’s how many words are in this file, okay”, but years ago I practically lived by it. I think part of it was me chasing that NaNoWriMo dragon, which was something I used to be pretty focused on. Now that I’m older I wonder if NaNoWriMo actually helps or does more to hurt aspiring writers. I mean, it’s not like there’s any external consequences to falling short but when you’re young and you’re looking to commit yourself to something, it sucks real hard when you inevitably fall short and it can be discouraging.

These days I’m more in a “what’s important is that you’ve written something” frame of mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s four pages or it’s literally a single word. I’ve had single word days. And it’s okay! It’s okay to write a single word. Progress is progress, when it comes to writing. Now, if I look at the word count, it’s because a chapter I’m in is running longer than I would have liked and maybe I should consider splitting it in two or something because I am the kind of person who likes the idea of a uniform amount of words per paragraph thank you very much. Beyond that, I don’t pay word count much mind and I think I’m a happier writer for it.

So yeah!

[mikeyhatesit113]

forever and never: Chapter 12

My Toyota Matrix speeds down the highway, leaving the New York City skyline behind us in the rear view mirror. Janie sits in the passenger seat, admiring the engagement ring I had given to her just hours before in Times Square.

Ahead of us, the sun sinks slowly toward the horizon. Everything about that day had been perfect, and it was sending us off with a beautiful sunset. I felt proud as Janie smiled genuinely at her ring, knowing in my heart that I had treated her like a true princess that day.

“It’s beautiful,” she says. “I love you.”

I look over at her with a smile as wide as the Brooklyn Bridge itself.

“I love you too,” I say, pride swelling in my chest.

“Forever and ever,” she says.

“Plus a day,” I whisper.

2 Years Later

Janie and I step onto our front porch step, anticipation building in my chest. I had not been home in more than 3 weeks, and I had no idea what awaited me on the other side of the front door.

I had spent sleepless nights at my grandmother’s house, mental images torturing me during the night. Wicked animations produced by an imagination hell-bent on punishing me. Images that took place in the very dwelling I was about to re-enter for the first time in over 21 days.

Janie opens the door, and I take in the scene before me.

The smell hit me first. The scent was unfamiliar, as if something else had inhabited the place since my abrupt departure.

Stale cologne?

What was more, the furniture had been rearranged. The kitchen looked different, decorated with additional chairs and flat surfaced stands.

It was at that moment when I noticed that Janie was studying me, awaiting my reaction to the many changes to the place I had previously called home.

This, however, did not look like home. This was a foreign place, accented by a foreign occupant who was hiding in plain sight.

But what, or who, I could not put my finger on.

I forced a smile, hugging Janie. Though I did not recognize this environment, another part of me desperately wanted to call it home again.

Janie gave me a tour, which proved to be an orientation into her new world. A universe she had constructed in my absence, but a galaxy I was almost certain that she did not build alone.

“Wow,” I mumbled as we trudged up the stairs to the bedrooms. Brock’s room looked almost untouched, but James’ room yielded a big difference.

There was now a ball python resting in a tank beside his TV.

“Who’s snake?” I asked.

“Steppenwolf’s,” Janie said anxiously. “He brought it as a gift for the boys,” she quickly explained.

“He stayed here?” I asked, a familiar irritation arising in my chest, despite my best efforts.

“Only when the boys wanted him to, for a sleepover,” she replied.

“Oh,” I said. I immediately felt trapped again, like I was going against everything I had tried to stand for. I felt outraged. I felt like I had been violated.

I felt sick.

“And uh, where did he sleep?” I asked.

“Downstairs on the couch,” she said. “He didn’t stay here often.”

“And where did you sleep when you went to his house?” I asked.

“On his couch or in a spare room,” she replied as a matter-of-factly.

I wanted to believe her. I needed to believe her. It was the only way this could work.

“Ok...” I spoke, trying to shove her truth down my throat.

I hoped to God that he didn’t see the inside of our bedroom, which in fact, had also been transformed during my absence.

My brand new queen-size bed was long gone, currently locked up in a dark storage unit. In its place was a twin bed with a frame that creaked, and a mattress with springs that groaned. Additionally, the right side of our room was lit up with a red light that glowed from another large reptile tank which housed a lizard.

That night, I slept warily beside her in that crimson-lit room. I laid awake, wondering what I didn’t know. Wondering what she wasn’t telling me. Wondering if I was making the right decision.

I certainly didn’t have the support from my friends and family, who were incredulous that I returned to her embrace.

“I just want your support and friendship right now,” I texted my friend one day. “You got it,” he wrote back.

His response was not what I was looking for, but did he have the right words to make me feel like I was doing the right thing?

No one did, but in the effort of leaving no stone unturned, everyone’s opinion could not matter.

This was my journey, and no one else’s footsteps or words could complete the distance for me. I had to do it myself, whether it was 3 days, 3 weeks, or forever and ever, just like we had always promised eachother.

Logistically, the tricky task was moving the right amount of stuff back home to Janie and I’s place. I was not ready to empty my room at my Grandmother’s house, nor did I touch my storage unit.

They had been safe zones, and as happy as I was to be back home, I was still rather uncomfortable. I wanted to take it slow, if there was a such thing for a married couple.

Of course, there were other things returned. Janie drove with me to my grandmother’s house one Sunday afternoon to grab one of the things she had missed the most; her Lancer.

In the Lancer’s absence, her father had bought her a $300 mid-1990’s Oldsmobile that had an oil leak problem. It did not have a 6-disc CD player, but it did have a cassette player with cracked vinyl seats.

Call it vintage appeal, if you will. A time machine back to the 1990’s on 4 wheels.

I remember handing Janie the car key to the Lancer and her excitedly hopping in the driver seat. “I love this car,” she said, taking in the interior all over again as if it were the first time ever.

When the boys came home from their father’s house that evening, it was the reunion I was looking forward to most. I hugged them both, telling them both how much I had missed them. As far as I was concerned, I was back for good. And they’d never feel that pain again.

I did have unfinished business, however. I had seen enough photos of the boys sporting fedora hats, indicating that Steppenwolf had bought them their very own wacky hats. I did not appreciate these photos, so one afternoon, I found his Facebook.

I simply sent him this:

:)

It wasn’t long before he answered me.

“Hello?” he responded.

I couldn’t resist myself.

“I want to thank you for trying to take care of a family that wasn’t yours, and I hope you kept the receipt from whatever costume shop you bought those ridiculous hats from.”

“That purple sports car will never fill the void.”

“How does it feel to be an empty old man?”

“What’s wrong, Steppenwolf? Answer me.”

Steppenwolf did not respond, and I was blocked shortly thereafter.

Janie, however, was not happy that I had attacked Steppenwolf. When I told her about what I had sent him, she told me that she already knew I had done so, and that she just wanted me to leave it alone.

Nothing had happened between them. He had been just a friend.

Upon our reunion, Janie and I agreed to participate in marriage counseling. One October evening, our pastor showed up to our home and ate a nice dinner with us. Afterwards, with the cool, Autumn air flowing through the screen door near the kitchen table, Janie and I sat across from each other as our pastor looked on from the side.

We had each written down our concerns on a piece of paper, and it didn’t take long before the dialogue spun out of control.

In my endeavor to overlook so much and ignore so many little details, I could not bring myself to believe that she hadn’t lied to me. That she hadn’t kissed one of my best friends.

That she hadn’t betrayed me.

That I wasn’t her fool.

I guess in the end, even though I felt worthless, I owed myself some semblance of the truth.

I felt the conversation turn against me, and our pastor was soon siding with Janie about my paranoia. He hadn’t lived the nights I had, and he hadn’t seen the dark shadows drift in and out of our lives for the past 2 years.

Specters of betrayal. Phantoms that she denied ever existed.

Ghosts and goblins that haunted the life I thought we’d build.

Secrets that wouldn’t stay dead. Rotting corpses that wouldn’t stay buried.

“Michael,” our pastor chuckled. “You have these...construction crews...in your head,” he spoke. “And they build things out of these thoughts you have,” he said, laughing softly. Janie sat beside him, smirking at me.

I’ll never forget the smug look on her face as she stared at me, enjoying the fact that another human being had taken her at her word.

Nothing happened. He’s angry. He’s paranoid.

I couldn’t take it. I had tried to suppress it, bury it, destroy it, even...but the rage had returned. I stood up abruptly from my chair, anger coursing through my veins.

So many friends and family had contributed to my mental health over the past weeks, and this is how I repaid them? This is how I rewarded myself?

Being mocked by my pastor and my wife during marriage counseling?

“You sit there,” I bellowed, pointing a finger at her. “Laughing at me, looking down on me from your pedestal? Trust me, hunny, I’m looking down on you. I have nothing for you.”

I went to walk away, but my pastor called me back to the table.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ekim,” he said. “Where are you going? Get back to this table.”

I returned to the table slowly, staring at Janie. Her smirk was gone, replaced by a poisonous look of revulsion. I echoed her emotion.

We truly were toxic.

Of course, that counseling session was the start of the downward slope. More odd occurrences around the house sparked more questions and suspicions.

Like the Earl Grey Teabags on the counter, and the Syracuse hoodie I found in the wash basket one morning while I was folding clothes.

Janie was not a tea drinker, nor was she a Syracuse fan. Janie wasn’t home at that time, so I texted her a picture of the hoodie with the simple question, “What’s this?”

“Uh, a Syracuse hoodie,” she responded.

“I get that. Why do you have a Syracuse hoodie?” I texted.

“My family lived in Syracuse for a little bit when I was a little girl,” she texted back.

This was a blatant lie. Her family had never lived in Syracuse, much less another county.

Janie and I hobbled on, but our legs were giving out. The fighting soon made a vengeful comeback, and our tempers boiled over one rainy day.

I struggled with the lies. I struggled with the stories. I struggled with the person I had become. I hated him. I hated what I saw in the mirror. I hated his guts.

I hated what I did to Jay, now that I was at some capacity to understand it years later.

My mood became tense, and the suspicions only increased.

In the kitchen one day, we locked horns. Janie was making dinner when an argument started. It would be futile to try to tell you exactly regarding what, as I cannot remember due to the violent maelstrom we were trapped in. The reasons for conflict and discord were abundant and vicious. Pick one.

After a venomous word exchange, Janie slammed the casserole dish down on the stove top, cracking it. I turned away and marched out the front door into the pouring rain. I unlocked my car, sobbing as I flung open the door and sat in the driver seat.

I had not noticed Janie following me, and she came into my view as I shoved my key into the ignition.

“Where are you going?” she pleaded.

I didn’t plan to say it, and to be honest, I didn’t even know I felt it like I did.

But it came from the heart.

“I fucking hate my life,” I cried, looking her in the eyes. She stared back at me pitifully, the cold rain drops falling on both of us as we took each other in.

Who were we? What had we become?

How had our house of cards collapsed like this? We thought we were the exception.

We hobbled on.

One sunny Saturday morning before Halloween, we were ready to go to a pumpkin patch. However, before walking out the door, I noticed that James was apprehensive.

Everyone else had walked out to the car, and I seized the moment to address James alone.

“James, what’s wrong?” I asked, walking up to him and kneeling down.

“I’m afraid you’re going to leave again,” he said, looking at the ground.

I was taken aback, but I was encouraged all the same.

“James, I love you, your brother, and your mommy very much,” I said. “I love you, and I’m not going to leave you,” I assured him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I promise, I’m here for good.”

After Halloween, we saw another November 1st arrive. Our anniversary, a day we hailed for years as the day we found eachother.

A day, 5 years earlier, that changed both of our lives forever.

A day I had progressively become more and more ashamed of.

I gave her the gift I had gotten her, a flashy trinket with the engraving, “Forever and ever”.

As soon as she opened it, I could tell she was expecting more. Another disappointing gift on another day we had no reason to celebrate.

Little did I know, that November 1st would be our last.

This is where I’m going to ask you to dig in your memory bank and pull out a date. A date I asked you to remember many chapters ago.

A date with more significance and karma than you could guess.

November 4th.

Welcome to the End.

“Passion or coincidence, Once prompted you to say, "Pride will tear us both apart". Well, now pride's gone out the window, Cross the rooftops, Run away... Left me in the vacuum of my heart.

What is happening to me? Crazy, some'd say. Where is my friend when I need you most? Gone away.”

Duran Duran “Ordinary World”

NOTE: Though this is my side of the story, including my own personal recollections and opinions, the reader should not consider this note anything other than a work of literature. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[spidergidman]

Spidey and Felicia sitting in a tree...

The spectacular Spider-Man saves the day again, another fair battle with the notorious Goblin. Fair to say that the secret ego of Spider-Man was a young man, a geek who in his teen years just couldn’t catch a break from the high school bullies and failure to ask any girl out. That is of course until the young Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider that gave him extraordinary abilities. From saving the innocent to saving the city, Spider-Man is well known as the Underdog of Superheroes. Spider-Man was on his way home, the crowds cheering as he swung by with his webs. He landed on a derelict rooftop out of sight and took a deep breath. “This is getting tiring, beating up the bad guys and there never seems to be a reward” he thought. He dashed across the rooftops in his red and blue suit, scratched and marked from his fight with the Goblin. Spider-Man leaps to each building making his own way home, he eventually gets there and attaches one of his webs above a window. He slides down to his apartment with his muscular arm holding his weight. His strength let’s him dangle for a moment with no struggle, a light swing into the open window, landing with ease. He walks into his room clutching his side. He checks his bedroom, photos of him and his girlfriend Mary-Jane Watson sat by his bedside table. Mary-Jane was a top model, a red-haired wonder. Previously in her youth she was on the cheerleading team and she wowed all the boys with her moves. Now at 23 years old with such a career starting up for her, she rarely is ever home having such a busy schedule. Apparently she’s gone on a trip to L.A for a potential chance to be an actress for a big movie. “Oh, MJ, I could do with a hug right now”. Peter thought. Peter unmasks himself and stares at the mirror, his wounds already rapidly healing up from his battle earlier. In the slightest of moments he notices a figure that caught his eye. He turned around nothing was there. “Just your imagination Pete, besides any danger, my spider sense would go off”. Peter, can sense danger present with the ability of precognition. Helping him be aware of any risks. He hears a rustle, curious Peter wonders around his apartment, the bathroom, kitchen. Nothing. The place was clean, ever since Mary-Jane left this was the longest Peter had been without any superhero duties required. Time to get some rest. Peter slouched his shoulders and walked back to his silky covers of his bed. “Hey Spider.” “What!?” Peter turned to his couch where he saw her. In her full glossy black gear, sitting as if she had been binging an entire tv show for a week. “C..Cat?! How long have you been here!?” He asked, startled. “Relax Pete, I heard MJ was out of town so I thought I’d pop in for a visit.” She walked over to Peter, her body swaying side to side, Peter although surprised was sure she shouldn’t be here. “So why don’t you put that suit back on and we go for a little swing?” She asked. The infamous Black Cat and Spider-Man have always had a bit of history between each other, although the webbed hero would occasionally team up, they always had a bit of a flirtatious side. Last time they met was when she briefly worked for the Kingpin. The Black Cat always knew where Peter Parker lived, she would occasionally check in never ratted him out, she always had a soft spot for the web slinger. “Not right now Cat, didn’t you see what I’ve been up to tonight? I don’t ache nor am I hurt I just don’t feel that urge...that motivation. Nothing makes being a hero special. MJ isn’t even here, there’s just no reward.” “Poor little Spider. How long is MJ gone for?” “To be honest I’ve lost track of time.” Pete walked out of the room with the couch in and brushed past Black Cat. Her silver glamorous hair breezed a fresh smell to Peter’s nostrils. He closed his eyes as the luxurious distinct smell of this woman reminded him of their last encounter. “What are you really here for?” Black Cat stood up, the wind blew through the window gently swaying the fur on her collar, the pale shine from the moon reflecting off her Black skin tight catsuit. Her green eyes sparkled for such a question to be asked and she gave a teasing smile. “Perhaps I wanted to keep you company? No fame, no reward, well how about we change that? You must feel worthless at times, hey even your loving Mary-Jane isn’t hear to give our hero what he deserves.” She flicked the zipper holding her suit together, exactly like a bell on a collar. “Look Felicia, it’s not worth it I can-“ The Black Cat stopped his words as she leapt onto his mouth with her dark lips. Peter’s heart racing, he immediately pushed her off. “What was that!? I can’t do this!” “On the contrary Pete, I think it’s time you had some fun,” she glaringly gave him a smile as she walked into his bedroom. “You have a lovely place, shame with all these pictures.” Felicia held a photo of MJ and Peter, then put it face down, with all other pictures being the same. Felicia pounced on top of the bed. She took a few sniffs with her strong sense of smell she said, “there’s barely any scent on here. I would have thought the smell of you Spider would be stronger.” Felicia disturbed the fine appearance with her body as she rolled herself up in its soft covering. Peter started to sweat. He’s committed to MJ, but she’s been gone for some time now. But she’s an actress, she’s probably working or trying to find work with one of her agents. “Aw man!” He mumbles. He could hear Felicia enticing him to come in his own room with a gentle purr. He walked away from the room, thoughts in his head telling him to not give in. Shaking his head he was telling himself not to do anything he will regret. He turned around and noticed a trail of clothing items now on the floor. Felicia’s tall boots, her furred collars from her wrist. He stared at the floor slowly raising his head to see Felicia biting Mary Jane’s pearl necklace in nothing but her lingerie and her eye mask. Felicia winked at him and waved her finger. Peter found he had unwillingly made it to the end of the bed, Felicia’s great big jewel eyes invited him to come closer. Felicia transitioned from her back onto all fours and like a feline animal crawled over to him, she put her hand under his chin and pulled him in for another gasping kiss. Peter just hit the jackpot again.

[cssns]

Ok, sorry y’all! NOW here’s the monthly roundup for September!

Have y’all enjoyed all the INCREDIBLE updates we got last month? I know I did!! Please be sure to give our authors and artists all the love for all their hard work!!! And have a look at the end of the post for a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! And now, without further ado, here we gooooooooo!!! Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

@snowbellewells completed A Story Told at Last. Rated T. Artwork by @branlovestowrite.

Historical Literature Professor Henry Mills has the chance of a lifetime before him. He might finally uncover the truth of a folktale that has intrigued him for years. But, when the whole story comes to light, will he be able to accept the story that needs to be told?

@let-it-raines completed Not Your (Soul)Mate. Rated M. Artwork by @captainsjedi.

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

@courtorderedcake posted Roses, a CS rendering of the classic fairytale Tam Lin. Rated E. Artwork by @eastwesthomeisbest.

A CS retelling of Tam Lin, the classic fairytale.

Liberties taken. Magic and Fae BS in play.

@teamhook posted Rionnag Dorcha Gorm (Dark Blue Star). Not rated. Artwork by @hollyethecurious.

It is said that evil is not born but made. This is how an act of kindness is twisted into a story about revenge. Emma and Killian are childhood friends until a tragedy separates them will another reunite them.

From last years event, @kymbersmith-90 updated Divine Intervention. Rated E. Artwork by @hollyethecurious.

Brothers Liam and Killian Jones are on the hunt for their father, Brennan Jones, who has gone missing in his hunt for the supernatural creature that killed their mother. But along the way, the brothers discover that the supernatural world is much bigger than they could ever have imagined.

And someone else has big plans for one of them.

@thejollyroger-writer completed What Happened in Berkshire. Rated G. Artwork by @captainsjedi.

When Emma’s boyfriend leaves her for the woman he’s been cheating with, she accepts an offer from her hospital to move to England. While she is out celebrating her thirtieth birthday with her friends before they head back to America, she drunkenly kisses the statue of Captain Hook in front of Eton College, and he comes to life. Together, he and Emma try to figure out what this curse means for them by searching for the witch that cursed him in the first place — are they really True Love, as he wants to believe they are, or did Emma’s magic go awry?

From last year’s event, @seriouslyhooked updated Lost Souls and Reveries. Rated M. Artwork by @shipsxahoy.

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to the future he was destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set both of them free, or will past demons win out in the end?

@snowbellewells updated Face to Face in the Broad Daylight, her sequel to last years fic, Run to Me (In the Dead of Night). Rated T. Artwork by @branlovestowrite.

Here we have a sequel to my werewolf, alternate season two and beyond fic from last year’s CSSNS. You probably want to read that story "Run to Me (in the Dead of Night)" first, or it might be a bit confusing in places. This second story in the same universe partially exists just because I wanted to revisit these couples and enjoy a bit more of their fluffy happily ever afters. However, we may also see them get into some new surprises and challenges, and of course we need to see if Rumplestiltskin is still under control or back to his usual scheming and plotting. I hope you will enjoy. I’m so glad to be part of this event again, and this is just the opening chapter.

@courtorderedcake updated Hallow with accompanying artwork 1 2. Rated E.

"The Goblin King was prepared to host the Darkness, stealing Fae women away to their corrupted lands underneath the ground as concubines. The Darkness chose another in his stead, but not before this selected vessel enacted a devastating attack in its vengeance, revealing its hatred & rage. The battle was a lesson the old kings had forgotten; never underestimate an opponent.

Many more lives were lost as they razed over any who dared defy The Goblin King's will. Only the pure love of our rulers united in matrimony, breaking the Vorpal Dagger, sealed the darkness and the Goblin menace away. The light flourished under their fair rule, and the queen bore a child as pure as moon beams, swan feathers, and starlight. They lived happily ever after, and shall be written in history as Heroes for All Time."

This is the history Princess Emma memorizes from the day she is born, paraded about and presented only with the highest protection. The palace is a cage she wishes to escape, desperately. Not careful what wishes she made, Emma discovers history is written by the victors - The Dark One has an entirely different version of the events that took place.

@jarienn972 updated A Simple Spell. Rated T. Artwork by @cocohook38.

This story is my entry into the 2019 Captain Swan Supernatural Summer event and is my first venture into AU territory. Storybrooke remains our setting but I've switched up some of the characters and familial relations to better suit this tale of prodigal witch Emma who returns to her birthplace to learn lots of secrets about herself and cast a spell that could change everything.

@whimsicallyenchantedrose updated Until the Stars Are All Alight, her CS LOTR au. Rated T. Artwork by @clockadile.

When Emma Swan steals a yellow Volkswagen Beetle, she has no idea it will lead her toward an adventure filled with danger and intrigue, sacrifice and a love stronger than anything she could imagine. Tasked with bringing the Savior home, the elf, Killian Jones of Misthaven travels to the Land Without Magic. Can he convince Emma to fulfill her destiny before the Dark One regains power and takes over all of the Enchanted Forest?

@welllpthisishappening completed All Was Golden In the Sky. Rated M. Artwork by @resident-of-storybrooke. Chapter artwork by @distant-rose and extra artwork by @optomisticgirl can be found on Laura’s blog posts.

Magic is dying.

Emma knows it. She can feel it, the emptiness rattling around in her, like it’s trying to make sure she disappears as well. What she doesn’t know is what to do about it, because, suddenly, there is a man in Storybrooke claiming she’s the Savior and a seeress certain a prophecy promises the same and the last thing she expects is for her minimal amount of lingering power to pull her away.

To New York City.

And another oddly familiar man with blue eyes and a smile that sinks under her skin and makes magic bloom in the air around her. Things are about to get interesting.

And finally, we had original art post from @djlbg.

WOW!!! I mean… WOW!!! What a MONTH!!! We had 4 fics complete, 2 updates from last years event, original art, and all the other updates in between!!! I’m so thankful to be a part of such a talented and prolific fandom!!! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your participation and enthusiasm!! I can’t wait to do this again next year!!!

Which brings me to the VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! CSSNS 2020 is a GOOOOO!!!!! We’ve had a tremendous response for the past two years and so we’ll do it for one more year. So for those of you who have participated either year and want to do it again, for those of you who just recently joined the fandom, or for those of you who, like me, have just started writing or arting, start thinking about what you might like to do next year. Signups will open in late January and I can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with!! So spread the word!!! Any questions, be sure to send us an ask, or you can contact me directly at @kmomof4.

I’ll be back in November with the monthly roundup for October. Until then y’all!

[nerdarchy-blog]

The follow up to 2017’s Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, on Nov. 17, 2020 fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons upcoming Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything must indeed possess powerful magic to contain so much stuff in 192 pages — the exact page count of its predecessor according to Jeremy Crawford, principal rules designer of the game. The product of 18 months work the book includes material for Dungeons Masters and players of 5E D&D alike. I had an opportunity to join the press briefing with Crawford and Greg Tito, communications and press relations director for D&D and let me tell you, sitting on this was really exciting. Reading and hearing what players speculated on and wanting to say, “You’re all right! It’s all in the book. All the character options and new stuff you’re guessing about are inside!” So let’s get into Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything.

On the cover for Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything Tasha holds an ornate grimoire covered with symbols from the planes of existence in stunning art by Magali Villeneuve.

A delightful conversation about 5E D&D

No sense burying the lead — all the options and fresh new modular content you thought might be in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything is there. Subclasses for all the classes are in there. Alternate class features from the most popular Unearthed Arcana in the entirety of 5E D&D are in there. The artificer class is in there — including some tweaks, new infusions and the Armorer subclass that was loved by people, according to Crawford. The Aberrant Mind sorcerer, UA’s most highly rated content ever, is in there and so are many from the past year. Spell Versatility and new Beast Master Companions are in there and I know there’s untold numbers of players stoked to hear this. There’s new artwork for the Artillerist Artificer Specialist that was shared during the briefing too.

A human artificer balances his Eldritch Cannon on his shoulder as seen in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. [Art by Brian Valeza]

Like XGtE the book explores the titular character’s wonderfully complex point of view in comments on the content throughout, with nods to Tasha’s history in her comments and captions. One clue about Tasha’s mysterious origin reveals itself on the cover. The tattoo on her cheek is a chicken leg, which Crawford explained is an “echo of the chicken-legged hut that Baba Yaga lives in.”

A bunch of subclasses and class features only chicken scratches the surface of the scope of material. Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything is organized into four chapters. While perusing the material in the book readers learn more about Tasha and the lore surrounding her. Tasha’s life has involved the fantastic since the very beginning of her origins in the fey realms. As she became a brilliant and powerful wizard her adventures took her to other planes and dimensions so she is unfazed by beings of any sort, least of all her frenemy Mordenkainen.

Character options

Spells and magic items

Group patrons

Tools for Dungeon Masters

Customizing your origin is an important part of the development of the book and something the design team seems particularly proud of, for good reason. Players love the idea of more personalized character origin stories. I use This Is Your Life stuff from XGtE all the time and TCoE builds on that tremendously. Like, seriously a lot. The design goal was tools for players to create truly unique characters with amazingly magical origins and backstories.

This includes modifying traits during character creation to better reflect the story players want to tell and offers a lineage template with fill-in-the-blanks tools to totally personalize characters. The Lineage System introduces a new way to approach creating and playing characters and adventures in 5E D&D, a responsibility the design team takes very seriously as stewards of the game. During the press briefing Crawford and Tito explained how TCoE is one of multiple books demonstrating a shift in how D&D handles things like race.

Other changes include the removal of negative racial modifiers for certain races from Volo’s Guide to Monsters via errata. Crawford explained how their original intention for races like kobold and orc was as Monstrous Adventurers, separate from standard character options. This is why those options are included in their own section in VGtM along with options considered more powerful than standard in some cases, like yuan-ti and to a lesser extent goblins. Because this context is lost through the way so many players engage with 5E D&D through online tools and resources like D&D Beyond, it became a pain point for players and TCoE will include updated versions. Hooray for kobold and orc enthusiasts!

The Lineage System offers tools to create characters not bound by a species archetype. I love the way Crawford explained how this modular piece of content interacts with existing 5E D&D material. The core game, what is presented in the Player’s Handbook and other sources, illustrates an archetypal adventuring character like an elf. Choosing this option for your character represents playing Elfie McElferson in other words — the exact kind of elf that comes to mind when you think of D&D elves. The Lineage System gives players and DMs tools to disentangle characters’ personal traits with cultural traits. And worry not! The path to customization is very smooth according to Crawford, who emphasized it is not complicated at all.

Along with the new class options and alternate features players can customize how each class feels. This includes something that worms its way into the mind of every edition of D&D sooner or later.

Psionics! The Aberrant Mind is just one of the psionic themed subclasses from UA. Along with a few others, these psionic subclasses use a modifed version of the playtest mechanics, which Crawford described as “evolved.” I’m pretty middle of the road when it comes to psionics, neither thrilled to use them or abhorred by their inclusion in the game but I’ve got to say I really dug that Psionic Talent die so I hope that’s what he meant.

During the press briefing they did not get too deep into new spells and magic items in TCoE but there are some tidbits to share. For starters Tasha adds new spells of her own design to D&D canon. Tasha’s caustic brew and Tasha’s otherworldly guise are two mentioned and I’m excited to see more. Spells named for the wizards who created them evokes a sense of mystery and wonder in all D&D players and after all her incredible excursions and magical experimentation I’m certain Tasha’s influence on 5E D&D will be immense.

Spellcasters can boost their power with new spell focus magic items too, which sounds awesome. There’s got to be a magical cauldron, right? One of the magic items Crawford talked about sounds totally awesome — the Tarokka Deck. Not like, any old prophetic card deck though. This is THE Tarokka Deck, an artifact capable of trapping spirits. Can I tell you I lost track of what they said for a moment because I was daydreaming about a Ghostbusters inspired 5E D&D campaign.

Sidekicks (remember them?) get expanded in TCoE too. Resources to create your own customized sidekicks sounds like a lot of fun new toys to play with. When asked what the most surprising thing about the book is, Crawford revealed there’s a sidekick class. You can play as a Warrior, Expert or Spellcaster, which offers a slimmed down experience for perhaps new players or those looking for less complexity. This sounds awesome to me. I’ve used the Sidekicks content from UA several times and it is terrific, so more of that and more ways to use it can’t go wrong.

More than that though Crawford was surprised by “how much liberty players have to customize.” The Lineage System, tons of new class options and alternate features, spells, feats (wow I didn’t even mention those!) all combine to create more levers and dials players and DMs can use to tailor our game experiences and tell the kinds of stories we want with exactly the kinds of characters we imagine.

“Our work on the game is a delightful conversation with the community that never ends,” as Crawford put it. With tremendous amounts of fun, cool sounding new content like they’re brewing up in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, I don’t doubt it.

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A tiefling sorcerer levitates several feet off the ground. [Art by Kieran Yanner]

A lineup of four homunculus servants. [Art by Irina Nordsol]

The young wizard Tasha studies her spellbook in front of Baba Yaga’s hut. Looming nearby is Baba Yaga herself, watching her adopted daughter intently. [Art by Brian Valeza]

This is a massive tome holding secrets of ultimate evil. The exterior of the book reflects the evil within. The covers are made of dark demon scales, which are trimmed in rune-carved metal shaped to look like demonic claws. [Art by David Sladek]

Two wood elf lads swim in a glittering pond, which is fed by a waterfall that pours out of a face carved in a bluff. [Art by Robin Olausson]

A youthful merfolk king lounges on his throne underwater. [Art by Andrew Mar]

Using a psychic spell, a wizard battles a troglodyte underground. [Art by Andrew Mar]

Sidekicks will be expanded in the fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. [Image courtesy Wizards of the Coast]

An alternate cover art version is only available through local game stores. [Art by Wylie Beckert]

A heavy, ominous storm brews at sea as clouds gather. But these are not normal storm clouds. These have formed into a churning mass of enormous skulls in the sky. [Art by Titus Lunter]

Oh! Are you still here? One last thing I’ll mention is the section on Magical Environments includes Eldritch Storms, magical fruits and magical roads, a Mirror Realm and a Mimic Colony. Stay nerdy.

Congrats! That new #DnD stuff you thought would be in Tasha's Cauldron of Everything is in there. #staynerdy The follow up to 2017's Xanathar's Guide to Everything, on Nov. 17, 2020 fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons upcoming…

[gritsandbrits]

Why I hate Carlie Cooper (Spider-Man Rant)

So I've been going around sites such as CBR, Reddit, Tumblr and Deviantart to see what people's opinions were on Carlie Cooper, and the results were mixed at best. As many other fans of the webcrawling hoodlum, I have my share of gripes with her character and this chapter explains why Carlie is the absolute worst Spider Man love interest.

Sour Introduction

Carlie was introduced too soon and too quickly, just after OMD. The travesty already left a sour taste in our mouthes, but when she was introduced showing Mary Jane the door, this scene not only spat in the face of MJ fans and Pete x MJ shippers, but also made the rest of us go, "QUESADA!!!" This made the replacement girlfriend thing very obvious. Marvel made it clear that MJ is gone and Carlie was here to stay.

Notable character traits were ripped off from other love interests

Many readers caught on that the core traits Carlie displayed in her time in the comics were established within previous love interests. Keep in mind, two characters sharing similar attributes isn't wrong. My own OC, Lucy, shares Urusla Ditkovich's love of baking and apparent shyness, and having powers like Sophia Sanduval, but other than that she is nothing like the latter two in terms of personality, looks and personal history. But this is not about my OC.

Carlie has aspects that are blatantly ripped off from other love interests, and they happen to be their good or recognizable traits. This may or may not be intentional on the writers part but merely a product of trying and failing to develop her as a character. Let me run down the list for you.

• Nerdy, adorable and the supposed "regular girl": Debra Whitman

• Dark past involving some serious daddy issues: Mary Jane Watson

They couldn't have given her mommy issues or problems with authority figures in general. To be fair, comic books are drenched with characters with daddy issues. Cyclops is the walking example. 

• Idolized within the comics and sometimes praised as "The One" for Peter: Gwen Stacy

As opposed to in fan's memories, some point out that Gwen Stacy hated Spider Man. That's another sad thing about her death: she died hating the guy she loved.

• Dad was a cop: Gwen

To justify Carlie's relationship with Gwen, they made her dad a cop. Later it was revealed that he wasn't a cop nor a good man for that matter. This goes back to the daddy issues thing as we are supposed to feel bad for her, but it came across as cheap and not genuinely tragic as MJ's abusive past. Also, Carlie has a missing mother like Gwen.

• Served as an informant on the force: Jean DeWolff

Whereas Jean had an interesting dynamic with Spider-Man, Carlie's dynamuc seems forced in, rationalized as sharing his love of science. Everything Carlie does could have easily been solved by Spider Man or any of his allies, even Greer Grant.

• Peter vs Spider-Man conflict: Black Cat

Carlie was briefly torn between Parker and Spider Man after discovering the big secret. It took Felicia decades in real time and a few years in comic book time for her to accept Parker but by then he had already moved on to MJ and BC decided to move on as well.

• Fell in love with Parker persona: Gwen, MJ, Sophia from Marvel Adventures

Gwen hated Spider Man though, but she fell in love with Peter. MJ preferred plain old Peter and accepted Spider Man. Sophia played an active role in both Peter's civilian and superhero lives and used her mutant ability to talk to animals to help.

• Personality included being a tsundere: Gwen, and Michelle Gonzales before she went nuts

• Had an interest in science: Gwen

NOTICING A PATTERN HERE!?

• Friends with Harry: Gwen Stacy (again)

• Was depicted as blonde and began with a minor crush on Parker: GWEN STACY!!!

Wow is it just me or do the writers at Marvel lowkey want to resurrect Gwen Stacy? Damn, just let the lady rest in peace!

• Pushed as Peter's intellectual equal: Debra (give us two points for Debby)

• Supposed to have a fun, sociable personality: MJ

Did I mention that Carlie at one time was depicted with red hair with a very similar hairstyle to MJ? They weren't even trying to be subtle with the replacement thing.

• Loves both Spider Man and Peter: MJ  also an inversion of Black Cat who only really likes Spidey (she was kinda getting along with Peter but that never took off)

• Went from meek and submissive doormat to assertive and optimistic action girl: Betty Brant

• Named after a particular person given the context behind it: Joe Quesada named her after his daughter

From what I heard, Joe's daughter was around three years old when he shat out OMD. That is very creepy, as if he wants his toddler to be with a fictional character that bad.

When Doc Ock impersonated as Peter after his supposed death, Carlie was the only cast member out of the whole Marvel universe to correctly figure out that Doc!Peter was a faker.

Mary Jane and Aunt May were used to villains dressing up as Peter (and even beat up a few of them), but for some odd reason none of them could figure out the Dcotor Octopus was posing as him. 

Depsite MJ being his main love interest and Aunt May having raised him from a kid, they could not have told the real Peter from an impostor.

THE FANTASTIC FOUR AND THE AVENGERS COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT DEPSITE WORKING WITH PETER FOR YEARS!!!!!

Yet is was the great detective work of Ms. Carlie Cooper that was able to determine that Doctor Octopus was using Peter's body to do some bad things. You know, like a villain.

Speaking of the Doctor, Dan Slott often used him a lot in his stories to the point that fans believe that Doc Ock was becoming a bit of a Villain Sue. And their arguments were sadly proven right later on, but back onto Carlie...

The way she did this was by following Spider Man's money trail to see how he could afford expensive equilment and minions  (excuse me, employees) and it leads right to Doc Ock.

The simple fact that one of Spider Man's smartest foes was stupid enough to not cover his tracks showed that something had to be altered just to make Carlie look good. What was that something? Taking basic common sense out of the Marvel Universe so that Carlie could play Miss Marple!

When Carlie got infected with Goblin Serum and turned into Monster (the lamest villain name since Menace), she was the only person to ever resist its brainwashing effects. She gets some scars around her eyes but is otherwise fully cured and that experience is enough to make her leave the world of Spider Man forever.

In the story arc Spider Island, Carlie broke up with Peter just because he didn't tell her he was Spider Man. Alternatively MJ got closer to Peter, which made fans everywhere sigh with relief. This also proves how very little Carlie seems to care about Peter's side of the story.

Also in Spider Island she used her new powers to play around while MJ used hers to actually help people. When a supermodel is better at heroics than a police officer/forensic scientist, then you know something is wrong.

Mary Jane stayed with Peter when she found out, in fact she already knew it was him but didn't confront him because she didn't think of herself as a good confidante and feared Peter would lie to her but she understood why.

It was implied in the comics and stated by old writers that, had Gwen not been killed off she would have eventually found out about Peter being Spider man and stayed with him; they would have even gotten married.

Carlie managed to pop up in other Marvel titles such as The Punisher even though she was irrelevant to the plot, and the writers claim that she was "the sanest member of the cast." This was after her irresponsible antics during Spider Island.

Character shilling when not appropriate

One of Carlie's major problems was how she was pushed as being perfect for Peter without getting to know him. It became even more egregious when other characters started pushing Carlie as perfect, such as Auny May and Harry Osborn.

Mary Jane told Peter that he needed to hook up with Carlie, which was awkward coming from a woman who was married to him for twenty years.

Peter himself couldn't stop gushing over how perfect Carlie was for him, and he spent a lot of time in angst over how undeserving he was of their lust - I mean love.

Everyone, from Harry Osborn to Black Cat said that Carlie was perfect for Peter. I get Harry because he was friends with her, but Black Cat???? The real clencher was that Felicia didn't even know who Carlie was at the time.

No wonder she turned crazy at the end.

SPEAKING OF CRAZY!

Characters personalities were changed in order to make Carlie a total saint

For example, Michelle Gonzales (another hated Spidey Love Interest) used to be a regular old tsundere. Sure she had problems of her own as a character, but once Carlie was introduced her aggressive trait was exaggerated to violent extremes and Michelle begins abusing Peter. If that's not enough she eventually gets RAPED by the Chameleon of all people. The same Chameleon who got his ass beat by Mary Jane and verbally pawned by Aunt May for impersonating Peter.

No matter how Marvel tried to say it, no matter how bitchy she was, Michelle got raped and Chameleon got off scot-free.

I mean he didn't force himself on her just shapeshifted as Peter and had sex with her. Apparently shapeshifters can't be charged with rape as long as it's consensual.

In The Many Loves of Spider Man, Gwen Stacy was presented as a worry wart which goes against her original characterization as a proto-Tsundere. Carlie was presented as a gutsy young girl, which made her look smarter than the supposed science girl Gwen was.

Gets mad at Peter for the dumbest reasons

When Peter had to go on a mission for the Future Foundation (aka the Fantastic Four), he told Carlie that he was going out of town for Horizon Labs, the place he had worked for before becoming Tony Stank 2.0.

Naturally, Carlie found out that Peter had lied to her and during one of her roller derby competitions, ends up beating up a rival skater so badly that she was suspended for the rest kf the game.  Afterwards, her team took her out for a drink to calm her down and she gets drunk and goes to a tattoo parlor.

Deciding to get back at Peter, she decided to get an Osborn tattoo, more specifically a Green Goblin.

This was the man that murdered her childhood friend, Peter's first girlfriend and first true love (and to some fans his only true love).

This was the man that ended the Silver Age of Comic Books.

This was the man who killed innocent people just to get what he want.

This was the man who subjected his son and other people to so much pain, misery and sorrow because of his actions, some of which he still had yet to answer for.

But yet.....

You decide to get a tramp stamp of Green Goblin all to spite Peter because he lied to keep you separate from his superhero life?

I'm surprised that everyone who ever did a rant on Carlie never brought this part up. This woman would go as far as to taint her own friend's memory by getting a tattoo of her killer, all just to spite a guy she barely knew for not even a year. And this guy loved her friend.

When Peter finally told Carlie the truth, she broke up with him in yhe most melodramatic way possible. She claimed that his life was a lie and that his Parker persona was "just a suit."

She was also upset that Mary Jane knew about it, even though MJ and Peter were friends far longer than she knew Peter, and he trusted MJ with that secret. Eventually, Carlie accepts the Spidey persona, leaving her with a good reason to hang out with Mary Jane.

I have problems with the above scene because Peter lied to protect her and to keep her out of a very dangerous lifestyle. Yet, she does not want to hear his side of the story and the writers fail to persuade the readers to sympathize with her. This scene also shows that she is a complete and utter hypocrite. She can keep secrets like the identity of the new Wraith (and unlike Vin and Ray she doesn't turn the new Wraith over to the police), yet Peter cannot lie to her for very good reasons.

Featured on "Many Loves of Spider Man" - when Carlie and Peter had not hooked up yet. 

At the time Carlie was still a minor character and not engaged in a romance with Peter. Yet for some odd reason she was featured on the cover with characters people grew up with and came to love.

Carlie was not featured in s single comic yet was immediately pushed as one of Peter's many loves. Debra should have been here, or Betty since she was his very first girlfriend. And how come it's called Many when the cover only has four? 🤔

Closing Statements

The positives of Carlie is that she was shown a lot more capable of handling herself in dangerous situations than MJ and Gwen, and even willing to pick up a gun. But MJ was never a traditional damsel in distress; the lady took boxing lessons from Captain America for God's Sake! OG Gwen was never a fighter in the first place and to be honest, she was supposed to be a tsundere. She had a personality, and no matter how people say that Gwen was a boring character who deserved to be killed off, she wasn't in need of no saving while she was alive.

Okay except for that one time.

Others say that Carlie was being unfairly judged because she wasn't like Mary Jane. In contrast, Sophia Sanduval wasn't like Mary Jane and people love her (assuming they know who she is). Sophia is regarded to be one of the best Spider Man love interests. Ursula wasn't Mary Jane and people love her; fans who watched the original trilogy preferred a Peter x Ursula romance because MJ was that bad. There are even people who watched Ultimate Spider Man that started to ship Aya with Peter based on a few ship tease scenes, and she wasn't MJ.

On Quotev, AO3 and right here on Wattpad, you have dozens if not hundreds of Peter Parker x OC fanfictions, many that are amazing and written by pretty talented people. OCs aren't canon in the first place, but the OCs I'd seen (talking about the well-defined ones here) aren't MJ and I have not seen one negative comment about OCs or their creators. In fact people love them because they demonstrate how you can have a unique and relatable love interest without copying canon characters.

Final Statements

Overall, the problems Carlie have are she has inconsistent characterization, tries so hard to be the Perfect Girl for Peter, and she is irrelevant to the plot. If you take away her core traits she just ends up being a flat, boring character.

In conclusion, Carlie is a textbook case of Relationship and Black Hole Sue, and should be used as an example of what not to do when creating love interests. The key is to develop a character over time and not spending so much on making her (or him if any of you prefer same-sex pairings) the perfect girl/man/whatever for Peter or whatever random character you plan on shipping with.

Anyways, that's all I have to say about Carlie. Yeah it was a lot of words but I wanted to show and tell why so many Spider Man fans do not like her. It's not that she replaced Mary Jane, it's because she tried way to hard to be so many different characters and her general unlikable attitude and the subtext behind her whole creation.

Thanks for whoever took the time to read this mess of a rant.

[changingourdestiny]

Burnt Memories Part 5: These Feelings

Summary:

Blaze regains her memories of her past life - the life she had serving Uldren as a bodyguard and advisor. But the questions still remain: how is her ring linked to this, how did Uldren know about it, and how did she wind up on Earth?

Previous Part: Here

Next Part: Here

Uldren slowly entered the arena, the ground scorched by Blaze’s flames. Blaze was sitting in the centre of the arena, still with her head hidden in her knees. Uldren spoke up, being careful not to startle her, “Well…I have to say, I never expected you to be that skilled at fighting.” Blaze just sat there in silence, refusing to even acknowledge Uldren’s presence. “You know, it’s rude to ignore someone if they’re talking to you.” No response. Uldren sighed in frustration before noticing a training dummy beside him had one of Blaze’s arrows in it. He glanced between the arrow and Blaze a few times. Jolyon, who was watching from above the arena, just sighed as facepalmed, “Don’t. Please don’t.” Uldren silently removed the arrow from the dummy, aimed at Blaze, and proceeded to throw the arrow straight at Blaze. *Whoosh!* *THWAP!* *CRUNCH!* Uldren gazed in shock at Blaze. In the blink of an eye, Blaze caught the arrow without even looking behind her and crushed it in her hand before throwing it to the side. “How did-?” Uldren began but was cut off by Blaze. “How did I know you were going to throw the arrow?” Blaze stood up and turned to face Uldren. The hair that was covering her right eye was no longer concealing it. Her right eye had no pupil or iris and was just a gradient of reds, oranges and yellows. “It’s part of the curse. One eye sees the present, the other sees the future.” “Curse?” Uldren seemed confused, and a little taken aback by Blaze’s serious tone – she was usually cheerful and happy, “What curse?” “Seriously? You never once found it weird how my markings are so different to the other Awoken? I have this curse called ‘Phyonys’s Wrath’. I can react to some things before they even happen, I can see visions on the future every once in a while, and…” Blaze glanced down at the scorch marks on the ground, causing her hair to fall in front of her right eye again, “I can do that. I can create, manipulate, and even set myself on fire without getting injured. However, the latter usually only happens when I get angry. I’ve gotten the ‘affectionate’ nickname of the Phoenix of Wrath. The other guards take one look at me and bail. Nobody wants to get burned during a sparring match…or worse…” Blaze just sighed as she turned away, “Look, forget I said anything. If you want to tell Mara that you want a different bodyguard, go ahead. I don’t blame you in fairness. It was only a matter of time before you saw the ‘monster’ everyone’s so afraid of.” … … *Whoosh!* *Thwap!* “Your highness, I just told you. I can see you throwing those before you do it.” *Whoosh!* *Thwap!* “Uldren, I’m not in the mood for games.” *Whoosh!* *Thwap!* “Uldren. I’m serious. Stop.” *Whoosh!* *Thwap!* *Whoosh!* *Thwap!* *WhooshThwapWhooshThwapWhooshThwapWhooshThwapWhooshThwapWhooshThwap-!*

“UGH!!! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!” 

Blaze spun around and lunged at Uldren in a furious rage. Uldren dodged and blocked her attacks as Blaze kept trying to land a hit on Uldren. Jolyon just looked on in horror as Uldren sparred with the furious guard, “Has Uldren gone crazy? He’s going to be burned to ashes!” Jolyon’s face then shifted to confusion as Uldren briefly shot him a reassuring smirk as he countered some of Blaze’s blows. “Just what is he planning…?” An hour later… Blaze and Uldren stood several feet from each other, facing each other, both out of breath. Blaze growled as she whipped out her knife and charged at Uldren. However, Uldren quickly grabbed her arm which held her knife with one hand and held his own knife at her throat with the other. The two glared at each other for a moment before Blaze sighed in defeat and flopped backwards onto her back. “Alright, alright…I give…” she sighed, trying to catch her breath, “Geez…what was that for anyway…?” “Well, you wanted to spar with someone, didn’t you?” Uldren asked, “Also, if this fire power of yours is linked to your anger, maybe you need a healthy outlet to help control it.” Blaze sat up and looked at Uldren in surprise and confusion, “You…you’re not afraid of me…?” “What’s there to be afraid of?” “Heh…that’s a first…so…you’re okay with a living fireball being your bodyguard and advisor?” Uldren just chuckled as he extended a hand to Blaze to help her to her feet, “I can think of worse Awoken to fill the position…” Blaze took Uldren’s hand, a small blush dusting her cheeks, as the prince helped her to her feet. “If you’re up for it,” Uldren began, “Jolyon and I are going on a…how should I put it…'secret mission'. We could use an extra hand.” “Secret mission, huh?” Blaze smirked, “Sounds like fun. Count me in!” Blaze glanced down and noticed that her hand was still in Uldren’s, causing her blush to worsen. Uldren followed her gaze and seemed to notice the same thing as the two both let go at the same time, playing it off as no big deal. Uldren cleared his throat, “Well. We leave for Mars tomorrow morning. Meridian Bay.” “Y-yeah. Sounds like a plan!” “Alright then. See you tomorrow.” Uldren turned towards the arena entrance and began to leave. “H-hey, Uldren?” Blaze called after him, causing him to look over his shoulder. Blaze smiled at him – not a cocky smirk or a playful grin, but a genuine smile, “Thanks. I mean it.” Uldren seemed caught off guard for a moment before smiling, “You’re welcome.” And then proceeded to leave the arena. After Uldren was out of earshot, Blaze let out an exasperated sigh, “Whyyyyyy? I can’t feel like this…! Ugh, this sucks!” ——————————————————————— The Gate Lord towered above them. Uldren whooped and hip-fired a couple rounds into the sand at its feet. "Can you dance, sir?" he bellowed. "Have you got the footwork?" “I think Uldren’s finally lost it.” Jolyon sighed. “I think he lost it a long time ago, Jol.” Blaze laughed. Inside the Vex entity, there are mighty algorithms constructing a model of this merely temporal place, calculating potential threat, weighing the utility of weapons discharge against the good that power might do elsewhere. This computation is the only reason Uldren was still alive. The bone mic tuned to Cabal tactical channels woke up at Uldren's throat. They had localized the sound of Jolyon's rifle and Blaze’s hand cannon and were responding. He hollered up at the Vex behemoth and started to jig. "It's going to rain on Mars! It's monsoon season in Meridian Bay! Did you see the forecast?" He grabbed Jolyon and Blaze by the hands and pulled. Together, they sprinted towards the Gate Lord and its charge. The Vex machine must have known what was coming — but it had to weigh the certainty of Cabal against the tiny possibility of these micro-biotic motes slipping into the Gate. The Gate Lord raised a weapon to obliterate them. They skidded into the Gate's threshold, and Uldren activated a deflection grenade so hard, he nearly broke his thumb. A perfect sphere of topologically defective space-time blinked into being around him. He held Jolyon and Blaze close, and together they calmed their breath. The barrier was impenetrable, but it wouldn't last long. Until then there is only so much air to breathe. Outside, the full fury of a Cabal fleet carrier landed on the Gate Lord. When the barrier faded, the Gate Lord was dead, and Uldren, Blaze and Jolyon were no longer on Mars. “Well…that worked.” Jolyon muttered. “And here I was thinking this mission would be dull!” Blaze chuckled, looking up as rain poured down on the trio, “Wow…so this is the Black Garden…we should probably find someplace dry to figure out our next move…” Blaze, Uldren and Jolyon huddled together, shivering beneath a canopy of white tongues. The rain poured down. Uldren couldn't tell where it came from, exactly — somewhere up in the green mist? But the rain fell and fell; and the three turned their heads up to drink, there at the bottom of a chasm between two flower fields, where the Garden's immaculate surface divided into tropical fetor. “The flowers here sure are pretty.” Blaze commented as she gazed at one of the flower fields, “It’s kinda odd how the Vex are machines yet this place seems like it’s full of life.” "Everything grows here," Jolyon muttered, motioning to Uldren, "Look at your nails." Uldren studied his hand. He had a dreadful image of his fingernails developing into tight down-curved loops that curled around back into his fingers, completing a hideous circuit to their root. It's awful and yet it's wonderful, in a transgressive way, in a new-born screaming way. It spoke to him of new and secret things happening there. "They're dirty," he said, "but I trust you'll forgive me on that account. Rain's not letting up. Shall we move?" “Yeah.” "Aye." Jolyon hauled himself up when Blaze noticed a fistful of slithering vines on his arm, “Er, Jol? You got a lil’ something on your…” Blaze trailed off as the vines tried to coil around Jolyon’s wrist, tiny teeth shaped like letters sawing at his skin. He stared at them and jerked his arm away. "Are you all right?" "For now," Jolyon muttered. "For now." They moved down the length of the chasm, green mist swirling overhead, ankle-deep in a wet compost of flower petals and rich black soil. Wide, flat beetles with arching horns wrestled in the earth. Uldren flipped one on its back. The beetle had no interior, seen from below, it was just a hollow shell. Blaze found a Vex Goblin head covered in moss and lying on the ground and picks it up, holding it in front of her face, as she marched about in a robotic movement, repeating the phrase “I am a milk robot! All your milk are belong to us!” while mimicking a robotic voice and noises, earning a laugh from Uldren. Jolyon pulled up a fern, and its roots were the branching metallic threads of a circuit board. Tiny squirming things shaped like wet microchips milled in the exposed soil. "I don't like this place," Jolyon whispered. "We should get back to the surface…" He meant the Garden's surface, the manicured sectors of red flowers that stretch away toward a distant mesa. ‘It's far too Vex up there.’, Uldren thought, ‘They've been in here, gardening, moving earth, making walls, building their ancient constructs of stone and light, trying to tame this place.’ "It's life," he breathed. "You're right, Jol. Everything grows here…" He cannot let this place be killed. He cannot let it be looted and overthrown like everything else that doesn't fit into the narrow binary dogmas of the Traveller’s undead warriors. Excitement seized him and he ran ahead, sloshing through the muck, laughing aloud. "Uldren!" Jolyon shouted after him, "What are you looking for?" "I don't know!" he cried back. "That's what's so incredible! I can't know!” Blaze gazed at Uldren as he ran – she’d never seen Uldren this excited about anything before. With a giggle, Blaze shook away her surprise and ran after the Awoken prince, “Hey! Wait up, you dummy! I’m not letting Mara blame me for you getting shot!” As she ran after Uldren, Blaze thought to herself, ‘Maybe…even just for a while…it’s ok for me to feel this way…just for a moment…’ ——————————————————————— Those feelings, however, never left. Blaze stared out at purple, starry sky from the hanger in the Vestian Outpost. Memories of the dreams she had when training to become a member of the Royal Awoken Guard. Dreams of sailing through the stars outside the Reef, dreams of being seen as a hero in the eyes of her fellow Awoken, dreams of finally having a place to belong. But she’s never left the Reef. Most of her fellow guards are still wary of her, some calling her a monster. And yet…she feels like she does finally have a place she belongs. Not just at the Reef. But at Uldren’s side. All the feelings of loneliness, the feelings of hatred towards herself and her curse, the feelings of fear that she’ll never be good enough. Those feelings all suddenly disappear when she’s with Uldren. With him, she feels happy, at peace, and content with herself, and the fears of not being good enough and the opinions of others don’t seem to matter anymore… …she just wished she didn’t have to leave. A few days prior, Blaze received one of her visions. It flew by in a blur, but she recalled seeing a giant ship ploughing through Saturn’s rings, a large blast coming from the ship, and hundreds of Awoken ships crashing and exploding. Even if she isn’t present or involved in the vision shown to her, Blaze can see future events at random times. However, these visions can come days or months before the event happens. But upon being informed of this vision, Uldren didn’t want to take any chances. It took a while of convincing, but Uldren managed to get Mara’s permission to send Blaze to the only place he could think of where she would be safe. The Last City, planet Earth. Uldren despised Guardians as much as his sister, but he couldn’t deny that it was currently the safest place in the solar system where Blaze could stay until the tragedy that she saw in her vision passed. Blaze’s thoughts were interrupted when she noticed a presence beside her. “You know…I’ve seen the view from here hundreds upon hundreds of times.” Uldren spoke, “Yet it never seems to get old.” “Yeah. I’m really going to miss this…” Blaze sighed, continuing to stare out at the stars, “I don’t wanna leave…” “I know.” Uldren put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “But it’s only until the tragedy at Saturn passes. Then I’ll come find you. I promise.” Blaze smiled sadly, a small blush on her cheeks, as she faced Uldren, “You know, the view here…it’s only the second thing of everything I’m going to miss.” Uldren raised an eyebrow, “What’s the first?” “You.” Uldren seemed surprised for a moment, before smiling, “Well, it’s a good thing I got this then. Give me your hand.” Uldren removed his hand from Blaze’s shoulder and extended it to her. Blaze put her hand on his as Uldren pulled something out of a pocket on his belt and slipped it onto Blaze’s finger. It was a silver ring with a shiny fire agate stone in the centre that shone brightly like a flame. “I had this ring made for you. As long as you keep it with you, I’ll be right beside you…I promise.” Blaze gazed at the ring in awe, beginning to tear up a bit, “I…I actually don’t know what to say for once…thank you.” “You’re welcome.” Blaze didn’t know what exactly happened. She didn’t know who had made the first move. But she found herself in Uldren’s arms, her own wrapped behind his neck, as the two Awoken kissed each other, backdropped by the purple starry sky of the Reef. As the two slowly pulled away, Uldren pressed his forehead against Blaze’s, “I won’t forget you, my little phoenix.” “I won’t either, my crow.” Blaze grinned. ——————————————————————— “No! Nonono! Please, no!” Blaze panicked as she struggled to keep her ship flying as she entered Earth’s atmosphere. She had been fired upon by a Hive ship which had spotted her approaching Earth. “Come on, come on! Please stay flying!” Blaze begged. *BLAM!* The Hive ship fired once again, taking out her ship’s engine. “Oh no! No, no, no!!!” Blaze cried. Warning sirens blared in the cockpit as the ship began to hurtle towards the ground. Blaze could only watch in horror as the ground came spiralling closer and closer to her. ‘Uldren…Jolyon…Mara…’ Blaze thought, ‘I’m so sorry…I won’t be coming back…forgive me…’

*BOOM!!!*

Everything was dark. Blaze - a soul devoted to her prince; whose bravery knew no bounds; who sacrificed her own happiness to ensure she’d be able to live alongside those she cared about – had died on impact when her ship crashed several hundreds of miles outside the Last City on Earth.

It was the end of Blaze, Royal Guard of the Reef…

And the start of Blaze, Hunter Guardian of Earth.

———————————————————————

The darkness faded as Blaze found herself back on Venus, staring at her ring that lay in her hands as she heard Paragon speak, “Everyone has moments in their past that makes them happy and moments that make them sad. But the past can also help shape the future, if one decides to learn from it. You’re past didn’t have a happy ending, but it’s set in stone, unchanging no matter how much you wish it would change. But your future is still unwritten. And it’s what you decide to do here in the present that will shape it. Keep my relic with you, little Lightbearer. I’m excited to see how you’ll shape your future!”

And in the blink of an eye, Paragon was gone.

“Ah! There you are!” Blaze jumped a bit heard Rae climb onto the pillar and speak from behind – she didn’t notice that time had unfrozen, “We’ve finished cutting off the head, and Ghost is going to hold it until we get back to the Re- huh? …Blaze? Why are you crying? Are you okay?”

Blaze held a hand up to her cheek and, sure enough, there were tears rolling down her face. Blaze took a deep breath as she slipped her ring onto her finger.

“There’s something I need to tell you guys.”

To Be Continued…

[tlcyellow]

merlin s3 ep3: goblin’s gold

ya girl is BACK

- omg the geoffrey the librarian is back. love that bitch and he’s super unhelpful. merlin’s like “i need this books” and he’s like “it’s in the east wing. no idea where lol” and makes no attempt to get up and help him look

- merlin has triggered a secret entryway into a spooky back room of the library and has accidently released a hideous cgi goblin voiced by arthur weasley

- the goblin is causing a tremendous amount of chaos and he’s running around and smashing things and ransacking arthur’s room looking for something? i presume gold just based on the title of the episode

- bradley james is FINE! how i could i have left him for so long?

- damn uther is still alive? what a disappointment. though its a bit of a consolation to know that the goblin caused him to lose his hair and he looks like a hard boiled egg

- we get SHIRTLESS BRADLEY JAMES IN THIS EPISODE?? YESSS

- merlins trying to sneak into arthurs room to steal gold to tempt the goblin and arthur wakes up so he enchants his bed hanging to fall on top of him and there’s like a full thirty seconds of arthur wandering around unable to see and flinging a sword everywhere and its hilarious 

- lol okay the goblin has possessed gaius and gauis is licking gold and throwing shit everwhere and merlin’s like “wow gaius is sure acting weird lol i wonder whats up??” what an idiot

- lmao this episode is fucking crazy. not as crazy as the episode where uther fucked a troll though so i will give it a pass

- lmao there’s a montage of goblin gaius ineffectively treating patients. he makes one man with a broken rib yell a series of nonsense words and then pauses for a long time and finally announces “he’s certain to die” and i laughed out loud lmao

- LMAO now goblin gaius is “curing” uther’s baldness by slapping him repeatedly over the head and i laughed out loud again. what an iconic episode. fuck uther.

- UTHER IS WEARING THE UGLIEST HAT IVE EVER SEEN TO COVER HIS BALDNESS IN FRONT OF THE COURT AND IM CRYING 

- goblin gaius told geoffrey the librarian to, quote, “lose some weight fatty”. what is this episode

- oh man merlin is being accused of causing all of the afflictions in the palace through magic. damn this boy gets accused of magic and gets away with it so often for someone who is actually a wizard. he tries to expose gaius as a goblin but obviously no one believes him. 

- LEON IS HERE HOLY SHIT. HE HAD SO MANY LINES OF DIALOGUE IM SO PROUD 

- damn merlin is really using magic to escape after being put in jail for using magic. bold move.

- katie mgrath is beautiful btw. i haven’t mentioned it yet and i needed to throw that in there.

- aw gwen still has feelings for arthur. cute. 

- ARTHUR DID BELIEVE MERLIN and he finds out the truth about gaius. what a supportive bf.

- GOBLIN GAIUS GAVE ARTHUR DONKEY EARS AND HE CAN ONLY BRAY INSTEAD OF TALKING WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON 

- merlin of course thinks this is the funniest thing in the world. i do too.

- damn okay so merlin has to kill gaius briefly in order to get the goblin out of him. im sure this is gonna go great

- leon had MORE LINES YES BBY

- wow okay so the goblin has been trapped but all of the potion bottles fell on the floor  and gwen and merlin have to frantially search to find the antitode to revive gaius. he’s not waking up and merlin yells “COME ON YOU STUBBORN OLD GOAT” which, personally, is not something i would say if one of my loved ones was actively dying in front of me. 

- gaius clears merlins name in the court and all is well and good

- gwen and arthur had the most awkward conversation in the hallway wow guys get a room 

- ohmygod arthur is still braying occasionally. imagine if he did that for the rest of the show

next episode: gwaine

[northeasternwind]

my sister held good omens hostage until i watched spiderverse so here is the liveblog

Hi peter!!!

Is tehre. Is there only one spiderman

I already feel a great kinship with this kid

In a minute LMAO

GIGGLES aw baby

SKDJFHSKJDHFJ SAME MILES, SAME

What the mcheck do they expect spiderman to do

AWWWW POOR BABY LMAO

I feel that miles i denied the chance to skip a grade because i wanted to stay with my friends

He’s just grumpy dude

DAD PLEASE

FFS DAD OMFG

Hey don’t make fun of him he just loves his dad

Ilu miles pls

Is this how straight people start relationships

LMAO MILES YOUR TEACHER IS TOO SMART

I wanna be spiderman too tbh

LKMNSKAJHSDOU silly faces im yell

Oh god this uncle is gonna die isn’t he

AWWWWW BABY WHAT A GOOD UNCLE

IS SPIDER

AW MILES IS GOOD

KSJDFHSKJDFH HE HEPL

Awww dad and uncle…..

Ur spiderman now

LMAO MILES IS SO MUCH BRAVER THAN ME

JUST FUCKIN SLAPPED THAT SPIDER

Same miles i’d hate having a roommate

U HIT PUBERTIES

OMFG HE IS A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER NOW

Is this how straight people flirt

Is this a straight people thing

What the fuck

OH NO HE’S JUST SPIDERMAN NOW

EVERYONE SAW ME DUDE

I’m so sorry. You’re a main character miles

LMFAO SO THAT’S WHERE THE PLAY DUMB MEME IS FROM

THERE HE GO

BIRDS!!!!

BIRDS

Aw your new hair looks kinda nice! XD

UNCLE I’M SPIDERMAN YOU’RE IN DANGER

DAD I’M SPIDERMAN

Miles,,,,,, u will die

OH!!! SPIDEY SENSE!!!

PROTEC SMOL!!!!

MILES GO!!! LIKE YOU’RE TRYING BUT TRY HARDER!!!

Oh

SPIDEY!!!! HE SAVE!!!! YEYE

FOR FUCKS SAKE PETER LMFAOFHSDKJFHJ

Awwww baby,,,, :(

See u in a bit skdjfhksjdfhkj

Ashley says it gets complicated soon i’m gonna die

NOW HE IS FLAT

LMFAO MILES

JESUS SAME MILES, FUCKIN SAME i too would record

Who the fuck is this

Its time

O

Uh dad pls help

DAD

OHHHH the girl from earlier nearly said gwen because that’s spiderman’s girlfriend. I c. i unerstan

Goblin is fuckin ded

PETER!!!!

Cough of death

Miles: i diD NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS

He is only a babie peter he cannot swing

Oh peter is so smart!!! 

...o he ded

nO!!! DONUT KILL THE GUY!!!!

He run

There he go

MILES OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE A CONDUCTOR A HEART ATTACK

LOMFAO OSADJLKS BANKSY

Oh baby!!! Baby D:

He watched a man DIE

HI DAD!!!! I HAVE SEEN THE FACE OF DEATH AND IT LOOKED LIKE SPIDERMAN

Baby you are so smol

STAN LEE OH MY GOD

We are all spiderman

Aw baby,,,,

U gonna die LMFAOSFHDKSFJGJSDFHSKDJF HE GAVE UP

SAME TBH

I HATE HEIGHTS

Oh he’s tryin again!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hey u didn’t die!!!! Congrat!!!

Oh u broke the thing

Its okay there’s always a way

Come on there’s no fuckin way there’s no one else here

Who what the fuck

Ohhhh

kKJSDFHKSDJFHKSJDFHKJ 

THE PIZZA IS MULTIPLYING

LMAO HE GRABBED THE MASK SAME BUDDY

OOF

I was about to say he’s too strong but he’s spiderman

ADIO

THERE HE GO LMAO i say lmao too much what’s a new acronym i can use

LSKDFJHSKDJFHSKJDHFKJSDF A CHILD DRESSED AS SPIDERMAN

Is this what nyc is like ashley

Miles is smert

Babie :c he sad

YAYA well i’d be hungry too

GIGGLES ITS THE MEME

HE STRONK

Clicky keyboard

LMAO

Miles babie

What the fuyck

JSHDKJ the glitching

KJHSDDKFJSH THE EXERCISE BALL

MORE SPIDERPEOPLE!!!!

NOOO OMFG HER HAIR

Oh its the aunt,,,,,

What a cool secret hideout!!!

MORE SPIDERPEOPLE@!!!! YES

Oh my god

HE IS A BABY

He is a baby

Uncle is fucking dead

Oh it’s worse than that he’s a villain

Yep that’s him

Your uncle is cool tho omg

Babies,,,,,,,

Sorry i’m super 

OH NO HE DED

I’M SO DEISTRACT

He didnt wanna kill he nephew boy,,,,,

Wow this dude really was in danger and not in the way i expected

OH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BABY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, NOOOOO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

MY SON

Aw boi he about to find his bro

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oh babie D:

Hey!!!! Join the dead uncle club

They are a beeg spider

He is only a babie

Make a muffled noise me dude

Dad i am tied to a chair and gagged pkease break the door down

DAD I AM TIED TO A FUCKING CHAIR

PLEASE DISRESPECT MY BOUNDARIES AND UNTIE ME DAD

O!!! He is magic now!!!

U cannot spraypaint fabric this is false advertising

This is a hell of a backstory

There he go :D

Are u fuckin with me omg

KJSGFHDKJGFHDKJFHGKDJFHGKJ IM CRYIN THE WAITERS

Ffs peter

Peter for FUCKS SAKE YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME

Oh my god is this the get this bread meme. Is that what this is

More banksy

Well

I fuckin love noir spiderman oh my god

Peni is A CHILD

Its time,,,, for piggy

LKJSDLFKJSD PPPBBBBTT

HONK

THERE HE GO

SKJDFHSKDJFH he is good learn

Noooo the robot is gone,,,,,

She is too smol

There she go :c

ITLL FIT IN YOUR POCKET KSDJFHKSDJFHKJSDHF

Its still not a good joke but omg

Yeah something bad’s gonna happen before this dude goes

We’re all spiderman

What the fuck this is excellent writing

No guns

Ffs dude you really put yourself through this again

Bimch backup won’t help

Pls do not beat him up he is small

What the fuck who wrote this???? This writing is too good

LMFAOFHSKDJFHKSJDHFJ

Yaya!!!! It is normal

He has seen the glory of the multiverse

KJSDHFLKSJDHF THE ANVIL

Ok well back where we started

Pls do not arrest spiderman he is just a child

I’m sorry dad i was tied to a chair last time

Dad pls u are so bad at this

Pls i am smol gimme a hug

I can’t vbelieve his dad is commissioner gordon

Awwwwwww

Oh can we talk !!! YAY!!!! THE END

[blancapadlla]

merry christmas, diana!

surprise! im ur secret santa! im sorry! this is a really lame gift and i was gonna send you something, but u know? plans change, people change. and i was thinking like? if im being  honest? i was being too ambitious thinking that i was gonna send you something like i still have the gift i bought you for your birthday (LAST YEAR! IT’S NOT EVEN FROM THIS YEAR! IT’S FROM LAST YEAR!) and like? me? shipping things out? in a box? going to the mail service place? me? when i dont even have a license to go myself? i’ve had a note in my phone where it has your address saved and telling me to ship out your gift but literally? where is the gift? in my closet. and i thought “wow i can ship her something i buy from amazon and just ship it to her house!” but then i was like? bitch if u do that then what about her physical gift? are u just gonna buy it twice? waste ur money like that bc ur a dumb ass who cant go to the mail service that ships things? dumb. anyways i don’t really know where i was going with that i feel like i had a plan but after typing all that i  kinda forgot so aha x moving on!

under the cut is ur letter xx

diana, diana, diana. our one and only libra, ½ of the goblin sisters (theres 7 of us but like. u and xan are the only ones like BLOOD blood related to each other but we’re all like. blood sisters still bc we upgraded to a cult earlier this year), the og pink aesthetic (i say og bc tien always tried to steal ur aesthetic in ur absence), miss immortal emo goffix herself, the most likely to become  instagram famous, a tru sailor moon fan (sailor venus thats u), the gaming sister, an actual crackhead, most likely to get a sugar daddy first, backseat/car survivor, and the goblins resident fashionista w the fits!

merry christmas and happy new years! or late christmas and new years because we’re sharing this jan 5th?? either way im sorry this is such a lame gift i was gonna do what i usually do which is a set with 10 favs, but i know lana is ur ult og so i was just like?? ill make her a lana set that’s kinda aesthetic but u kno aesthetics r hard idk how u do it like. i see the series u make n im just in awe like ! o she’s TALENTED talented! ugh we STAN! im forever grateful that ur in my life and that we got together 4/5 years ago. i dont express it much but i love u so much and im so so grateful for u. ur kind sweet funny SMART! understanding daring n v witty/sassy/idk what word to use???? i love seeing ur pics on insta and ur vlogs in the snapchat group chat. i see pink n i just think of u bc pink really is u n ur color like i just associate that color w u now. and lana like i see lana n i see u. i love seeing how passionate u get over certain things and ranting w u whenever the  goblins choose to rant about something (especially political rants) r always  my favorite bc we can  just talk n let it out n hearing what u have to say is so interesting n cool bc wow ur so young but ur so involved like i remember when u helped do that campaign thingy for (bernie? i think? idk  i just remember u passing something out but its still involvement!) and u also care so much like! LOVE that STAN that! idk what ive mentioned bc im forgetting while i write this but! i know u dont open up alot bc ur a libra n thats how u r naturally but know that im grateful n happy whenever u do choose to open up n its ok that u dont open up often like! we can wait whenever u ready n comfy to tell us u know bc its always gonna b ur own choice when u wanna tell us something n we’re always gonna wanna kno n hear when ur ready! we stan a private queen who lets us know when she wants stan understanding privacy bc thats allowed! always!  

since i couldn’t ship u a present like i wanted because im a dumb bitch who still hasnt sent in yout 18th birthday present, heres a pinterest board made just for u. in the like. non section area is just the general aesthetic  i have in my mind for u which is literally just pink and glitter. n theres like a pic of a knife in pink n i think thats u bc u know. pink n girly but also edgy n could cut a bitch if needed u feel? n then i added sections of ur favs and ill update  the pinterest every now n then n u can look back if u ever feel like it u kno? the board will always b up for u love  u 

i think im just rambling at this point but basically i love u sm and all the memories we’ve made in the past 4/5 years from the night goblin calls/chats to the many rps we’ve been together in to the minecraft days and BOTH of us suffering bc aye and tien dont know how to NOT  kill each other and since we always end up rooming w the killers its our stuff that gets  destroyed too like. u n me r just tryna have cute rooms n w the aesthetics but literally aye n tien just wanna play w lava INSIDE n ugh rip us for suffering we really r done dirty huh. anyways love u so much im sorry for such a lame gift difosjdfiosd i love u im sorry love u love u love u i hope ur 2019 is filled with love and gratitude n happiness and u can end the year feeling satisfied. im here for u always even if i dont express it all the time n im always rooting for u n ill always b on ur side always ok love u infinitely long time no going back xx

i just remembered this out of no where but also love u so much thanks for being a rich bitch with me like… ur a fashionista irl and online and im only a fashionista online but wow…. us on imvu were so iconic.. the rich bitches ugh LOVE that for us love u thats its i really hope i remember to  unprivate the pinterest board n link it here before we post wow love u so  much thank u for relating to the thirst thing w u kiss kiss