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fanfic-inator795 · 1 year ago

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WoY: A Decade Later (A personal retrospection)

Wander Over Yonder… for a time, it was - in my opinion - the best cartoon ever. It was my number one, and I wasn't sure that anything else could top it. While I don't necessarily feel the same way these days, it's still a cartoon that very much lives in my heart and I don't think I'll ever truly leave it behind.

From a personal perspective, it was probably the biggest and most active Fandom I had been in at that time. It wasn't my first fandom/hyperfixation - prior to WoY, there had been Cartoon Network's Chowder and Regular Show, as well as Disney's Phineas and Ferb. But Chowder was short-lived and RS and PnF were both shows I had lost interest in due to them beginning to dip in quality.

WoY, however, was new, fresh, exciting and growing rapidly. It inspired me to write probably at least a hundred fanfics. It was a blast live-reacting to new episodes with everyone and seeing all the art that would come afterwards. It brought me into the RP scene and, if not for that, I might have never met my best friend of 10 years (and counting! Love you, Tessa).

Looking back on it 10 years after the fact, I can't fully say that WoY is still my favorite cartoon (shows like Kid Cosmic, The Ghost and Molly McGee, Big City Greens and Craig of the Creek have all outshined it in one way or another), nor can I claim that it is/was a perfect show. But man… It sure was a hell of a ride.

(Keep reading for all my admittedly VERY LONG personal thoughts or opinions regarding this one of a kind show)

Humble Beginnings

Pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but I actually didn't care for WoY at first. It was the summer right before college, and I remember watching the sneak peek - The Picnic - early one morning after not being able to go back to sleep. I remember not really laughing much or even seeing the appeal… and yet the episode stuck in my mind, to the point that I ended up watching it again during a free moment I had from Freshman Orientation Week. I had a similar reaction to the show's proper pilot, The Greatest - not loving it, but not hating it either.

The fact that people/friends from my RS and PnF days were also posting about it helped keep the show in my mind (shoutout to Taylor, Erin and Darkwing). But it wasn't until two specific episodes - The Fugitives and The Good Deed - that I managed to finally start to connect with the characters myself.

I started to see the appeal in this little furry orange spoon who just wanted to do good and make others happy, even when it was a struggle. I really liked the show's core theme of not just optimism and positivity, but also just being kind. I also started to really enjoy the show's sci-fi and space aesthetic and grew to adore its animation and gorgeous backgrounds, as well as laugh at its wacky sense of humor (I still laugh at The Fugitives/Good Deed quite a bit, even though I probably have their entire scripts memorized at this point).

So, it was official. I was hooked. Whenever there were new eps, I'd either try to watch them on the basement TV in my college dorm or wait for a livestream or FreeCartoonsOnline upload. If we're being honest, the first half of season 1, while being much more low-key than the wackiness that the show would end up eventually shifting to, was probably when it was at its most consistent. Other eps later on would reach higher highs, but getting stuff like The Bad Guy, the Prisoner, the Troll, the Pet, the Box and The Little Guy back-to-back just made my love for the show grow more and more.

The Little Guy specifically is one that is just incredibly well-crafted in its dialogue, story-telling and pacing, being both enjoyable and heartfelt. (Also the last time I watched it the ending made me bawl so, there's that, lol). Shortly afterwards, The Hero was another ep that I distinctly remember sticking in my head for whatever reason (Dracor and Demurra are still adorable, ngl). Then we had another favorite of mine, The Nice Guy.

I know I may be in the minority on this one - I remember my parents being annoyed and frustrated when they watched it with me, haha - but I absolutely love this episode. I find the jokes funny enough - the cashier is one of my favorite minor characters tbh - and the space gas station appeals to my aesthetic. But what really sells this episode for me is how it handles and portrays its moral of "being nice isn't always easy, but it's still right and still worth doing". Its ending never fails to get an "awwww" out of me, and honestly I could probably go on for an hour about all the little details and things I like/appreciate. I've also grown to really like its sister episode, the Time Bomb.

But no show is perfect, and right around here is where the show, in my opinion, started having some misses. It was mostly just "meh" affairs like The Night, The Toddler and The Big Job (weird, since I usually like heist eps… though I haven't rewatched this one in a while so *shrugs*). Other eps like The Tourist and ESPECIALLY The Helper (which I consider to be the show's worst outing, the vibes are just SO WEIRD on this one) I just didn't care for at all.

Nothing terrible (save for the Helper), just cases of the jokes not landing or the stories being boring. This was also when the show really started leaning into the wackiness - which wasn't BAD persay, since it led to some really funny jokes and memorable moments when it was used well - it's just that looking back, I sorta miss the simplicity of early s1.

Thankfully, the season put out some real bangers by its end, with my personal faves being The Epic Quest (that ending will never not make me cackle. Again, it's a case of the wackiness actually working incredibly well), the Halloween/Christmas special, and the Rider, which is a great adventure to cap off the season and also the Horse from Horsin’ Around guest stars in it! (and does a pretty good job too. Will Arnett is def one of my favorite celeb VAs at this point, ngl)

So yeah, between the two seasons, s1 is easily my favorite. Call it nostalgia or personal taste, but for me it's all about that consistency. Adding in the fact that s2 has some pretty notable flaws and is thus a lot harder to look back on without noticing those flaws, and it's really no contest for me.

New season, New problems

I certainly remember the excitement - as well as the fandom's stir craziness - in the lead-up to s2. There were crackships that were invented, silly RP blogs were rampant, Craig McCracken and crew (back when they were still on Tumblr) kept us fed with cool behind the scenes info as well as sneak peeks of the new season, and while I can't recall when it specifically happened, I also vividly remember the 'Bad End to Episodes' phase that the fandom was in at one point. Ah, the joys of still being in your angst phase.

Come that year's Comic Con, and a new round of hype came from the reveal that our new villain of the season was going to be a girl! …yeahhh, it sorta sucks recalling how hyped we all were about Dominator now that we know that she didn't quite work out the way we were all hoping for…

But regardless, s2 had a very strong start. Outside of the premiere, my favorites of this first batch would easily be The Boy Wander and The It for both just being incredibly funny. Although, if you had asked me at the time though, I probably would have said the Skeleton Dance fueled eps that were The Big Day and the Fremergency Fronfract - and like, yeah those eps can still be funny and enjoyable, but I've definitely cooled on the Skeleton Dance ship since these eps first premiered. (Still love a lot of the cute fanon stuff though)

Skipping past the next tent-pole episode for right now, this season had two of my favorite episodes of the ENTIRE SERIES - these being The Cartoon and The Black Cube. The former is just hilarious while the latter has a unique visual presentation and feels like an early s1 ep, and I mean that in the best possible way. I also really enjoy the Eye on the Skullship as well as the Hole… 'Lotta Nuthin' (this one especially, as it's another instance where, for as good as the ep is as a whole, it's the heartwarming lesson and hilarious ending that makes it such a winner in my book).

But for as much as the show was still putting out hits, I'll admit that there were also quite a few meh or just okay eps, especially as the season goes on. Some eps I found funny when I first watched them, but that humor doesn't hit as well when I watch them now. I also feel like there were points where it tried to be TOO silly to the point where it inhibited the actual humor and made the characters flatter and a bit flanderized compared to how they were in s1 (Hater especially got hit bad with this, where it’s less about him ‘softening up’ to show that he has the potential to be a good guy, and more just him constantly leaning into him being a bratty teenager instead of having that mix of dumb/bratty teen boy and legit evil conqueror).

Other times, it was just another case of a story not being as good as it could have been - and by this point in the season, while there are still enjoyable eps with fun concepts/jokes in the latter half of the series, the only one to get near the peak of the show's typical high quality is the musical ep, and if we're being real, it's Andy Bean's impeccable songwriting that saves this ep and makes it so good to rewatch despite its connection to the season's flawed overall story.

And I think it's about time we talk about that…

Not Quite Ready for Serialization

Being a show that was made right after Gravity Falls but before stuff like Star VS, Amphibia, and Owl House, s2 of WoY felt like a show with one foot stuck in episodic stuff and one foot trying to step into serialization. Because of this, the season’s overarching plot feels incredibly underbaked.

Now… Am I saying that I’d want the show to be like ATLA where every episode had to relate back to either the overarching story or one of the side-arcs? No, absolutely not. We’d be missing out on some of my favorite one-shot episodes if they did that, and if I had to choose between the season we have now and the season we could have gotten had the WoY crew gotten more freedom and were allowed more serialization, I’m going with the former each and every time.

HOWEVER, I still have to acknowledge just how poorly done the structure of this season was when it came to the overarching story. Basically we got four tentpole episodes acting as the season’s beginning, arc shifts and ending. During the season’s second and third arcs, there would be certain episodes afterwards reacting to the change in the show’s status quo.

Now, I get what they were TRYING to do but in my opinion it just really didn’t work as well as it could have. I’ll talk more about this in a bit but the season’s second arc (the “romance” arc) definitely got tiring after a while, meanwhile the third “Stop Dominator” arc felt like it was sort of killing time given that it was mostly just the main 4 trying to find some sort of weapon/figure out some sort of plan that ultimately resulted in some ‘funny’ failures and some quick lessons, with the occasional character piece thrown in here or there.

Now, I didn’t hate these episodes. By this point, it should be evident that one of my favorite elements of WoY are its morals and lessons, so even if the episodes themselves didn’t amount to much in the grand scheme of things and were essentially filler, I can at least appreciate a message like “being sad doesn’t mean you’ve given up hope” or “allowing yourself to laugh even in the dark times can help a ton”. So yeah, not completely pointless.

Unfortunately, even with a few bright spots here and there, the overarching plot of s2 still feels underbaked somewhat - and that’s ultimately because of the new character its focused around.

Dominator’s Dilemma

Okay, fess up. Whose idea was it to completely exclude Dominator from the first six episodes of the season (after the s2 premiere)? Because WOW does this decision backfire a lot. I don’t even like Dom that much and I can still acknowledge that she needed much more screen time and focus than she got.

I don’t know if this was to build up the ‘mystery’ surrounding her or because they wanted to get back in the groove of writing the main 4, but this was the crew’s first crucial mistake. Hell, in the first two episodes she plays an active role in, she’s nearly silent in both of them, only having her little fangirl rant in The Greater Hater and a small handful of lines in The Battle Royals. (Which, if I’m being honest, is still a really fun episode for 90% of it, having both great action and absolutely hilarious jokes that still make me laugh, but I get the ending of it making people sour on the episode as a whole.)

Again, it felt like trying to build up this artificial mystery surrounding her when it really wasn’t necessary. Dominator was meant to be a MAIN MEMBER of the cast! Yet I’m pretty sure Emperor Awesome got more significant screen time than her in the end!

Things got a teeny bit better as the show went on, with Dom at the very least getting more lines and more moments to be both badass and totally villainous, but she still felt more like a goal/obstacle than an actual character. I’m not sure if the writers MEANT to do this persay, or if it was just an accident.

Ultimately, it wasn’t until The Night Out when Dom finally got a spotlight episode… which was a little over 3/4ths of the way through the season. You could argue that she also got a bit of characterization in the musical episode, but it was really more emphasizing what we already knew or could infer about her.

The Night Out, meanwhile, gives us something new - that she’s lonely - and we get a teeny hint of this again in The Robomechabotatron before being told outright in the series finale. Ultimately, it truly does feel like too little too late - especially when her secretly desiring friends just sorta feels like it’s aping off Hater’s secret motivations of wanting to be liked/admired and to have friends/people who love him for who he is.

So yeah, the crew completely dropped the ball on Dom’s characterization, using her as just a goal/threat/obstacle/etc. for nearly all of her appearances. Not only does it make Dom feel like a shallow character, but it also just feels unfair in general. Practically everything we know about Dom is for the sake of other characters.

She’s a test for Wander, an enemy/temporary love interest for Hater, an obstacle for our main four to overcome, and a threat to the characters we already love. Again, there’s nothing wrong with having a character that’s only meant to serve a purpose in the narrative, nor is there anything wrong with a character being shallowly evil… it’s just that the WoY crew hyped her up so much and claimed that she was a fifth main character (implying that she would get about as much development as the main four), so it just felt all the more disappointing when we didn’t get that. Add in her character design - a mix of goth/punk girl energy with Hartman Hips - and it does feel just a tad misogynistic.

There were things I liked about Dom - her cool lava powers and gadgets, her excitable personality, her villain spotlight moments, and her fun vocal performance provided by Noel Wells were all excellent. But unfortunately, these were all surface-level elements, and the crew just didn’t put in enough time to give her much else, essentially saving all her deeper character stuff for the never-made season 3…

A love-hate relationship (leaning towards hate)

Of course you can’t talk about Dom without discussing the season’s second arc, which many see as both a tumor on the plot and the absolute low point of the season. Admittedly when I was watching the season for the first time, I didn’t mind the romance arc all that much. I didn’t care if Dom was getting short-changed, I was too busy laughing at Hater falling all over himself like a dork and thought all the ‘critics’ of the arc were just focusing on the wrong thing and didn’t know how to have fun with a silly cartoon.

Obviously, this was the wrong perspective to have about this sort of thing (I was in the mindset of “I don’t want to accidentally make myself hate this thing I love so I’m going to ignore all criticism of it”. Definitely not the right approach), one that I still apologize for because the critics were totally in the right. From both an objective and a storytelling standpoint, this arc was just the worst - and for several reasons.

Leaning into the overall problem with Dom herself as mentioned previously, this arc was focused solely on Hater and Wander (and to an extent Syl and Peeps as they tried to talk some sense into their respective friends). Whenever Dom was brought in, she either used Hater’s crush to mess with him or just ignored it entirely, being obviously annoyed - and that was the extent of focus that her feelings got.

Outside of those moments, however, Dom’s feelings are relegated to the background, deemed as ‘unimportant’. Sure, in the climax of the arc, she gets this big whole musical number about how she’s “not the damsel” and isn’t interested in Hater’s affections - but again, it’s at the VERY END of the arc and the moment is less about Dom standing up for herself and more about emphasizing just how cruel she can be, as instead of simply rejecting Hater’s advances, she laughs in his face, continuing to mess with him to try and make the rejection as painful as possible before ultimately trying to kill Hater.

But while the arc ends in a showy (and admittedly still kinda fun, thank you Andy Bean and your musical talents) way, the way it starts sorta proves why this idea was so rotten to the core. The ONLY reason why Wander tries to get Hater and Dom together is ONLY because he knows Hater wants a GF and believes that a ‘positive’ thing like love could only ever result in the two villains finding happiness and no longer being evil. Nevermind the fact that Wander is shown only really caring about Hater’s perspective, not once considering Dom’s feelings or even asking if she wants a BF or romantic partner in general.

We get Syl calling him out on this a couple of times, but it’s in that ‘oh that Wander, always with the crazy ideas’ way. You’d think Sylvia, the icon that she is, would be just a bit more blunt and maybe even a bit harsh about how Wander’s treating Dominator - it’s not just a matter of it being a dumb and dangerous plan, but it’s essentially objectifying Dom, treating her like Hater’s missing piece. But hey, it’s fiiiiine, because Wander learns his lesson in the end, right? Except, no not really.

Because even when Wander FINALLY realizes this and feels guilty about causing so much trouble, Syl is more concerned with comforting Wander about it, because he TRIED to do what he thought was right and that “acknowledging you messed up is the first step towards making things right”. Like… yeah I guess but you could have let Wander actually acknowledge what he did was wrong and super messed up, focusing more on the personal aspect of how his whole romance scheme affected Dom AS WELL AS Hater (not JUST Hater) instead of how his scheme broke Hater’s heart and inadvertently made Dom more powerful.

(Also we see Wander shipping and actively pairing up the little Pikmin things in “The Sky Guy” soooooo no I don’t think he fully learned his lesson)

I also have to bring up how there are fans who view Dominator and her whole anti-love thing as aphobic. As someone who only recently figured out she was almost definitely aromantic, I’m certainly not the authority on this, but I can certainly understand the critiques.

What I THINK the WoY Crew was trying to go for was a ‘strong female villain who don’t need no man’, but between Dom constantly being described as ‘heartless’ and Peeps saying that he “doesn’t think she likes anybody” and her cruelty being turned up to 11 whenever someone expressed romantic feelings towards her, it does sorta imply “She can’t love and THAT’S why she’s a villainous monster” rather than simply “she’s a villainous monster”. And because we don’t get any real development or strong characterization with Dom, it’s hard to say where exactly her cruelty comes from, so it’s hard to really argue against these implications without simply inserting headcanons like “Dom is a lesbian”.

Now to be fair, I have seen some aromantics see Dom as good representation - I recall a month or so back when I saw people praising her after she was included in one of those Tumblr polls, with this one being focused on aromantic characters, saying that they liked how she didn’t sugarcoat her rejections and seeing her as this strong, cool, badass villainous who didn’t need romance. So yeah, obviously not every person who shares an identity is going to agree on representation and whether or not it's good, but considering all of Dom’s baggage and the inability to determine whether or not her heartlessness is the cause of her evil or simply a by-product of it, I personally feel like she’s just too messy of an example of a potential aro character.

(Honestly, Syl feels like a better example of an aromantic character to me, given that she and Ryder seemed just as platonic as she and Wander are, as well as her multiple rejections of Awesome and general disinterest/discomfort with romance. Buuut given that those latter examples are specifically with villains and thus it makes sense why she’d reject them regardless of her orientation, it’s still just a vibe/headcanon).

Before I close off this section, I do wanna acknowledge that beyond the potentially aphobic nature of Dominator, WoY’s LGBTQ+ rep isn’t nearly as great as I thought it was once upon a time as a young shipper. Some parts are still pretty okay, like Wander being coded as genderfluid/agender, but overall it still feels more like an old Looney Tunes cartoon than an episode of “The Owl House”, if you get what I’m saying.

In Craig’s defense, the man has never been all too interested in romance in his shows nor has he claimed otherwise - he either uses it as a joke while portraying it as a negative (see Ms.KeenexProf.Utonium, BlooxBerry or, obviously, DomxHater) or it’s a wholesome relationship that ultimately still stays in the background because it’s not all that important (see DracorxDemurra or Ramona and Carlos Flores from “Kid Cosmic”).

BUT given that there were LGBTQ+ crew members working on the show in s2, such as N.D. Stevenson, as well as LGBTQ+ allies, it is a shame that no proper representation came of that. We got a whole episode where the joke was “oh, Wander and Hater are planning Wander’s execution like it’s a wedding”, an episode where Peeps and Hater essentially break up when Hater fires him, and an “I just can’t quit you” sort of moment from Peeps in the s2 finale when he goes all heart-eyed over Hater deciding to continue being a villain. That’s it, all jokes but nothing substantial. Even the show’s number one lesbian/wlw pairing of SylxDom got a quick Girls Night montage and one sweet moment between them, nothing else.

Again, it’s fine if you’re just looking for jokes, and yeah the WoY Crew never outright promised any romances… buuuut given how much they chose to lean into the Skeleton Dance and DeathGlare stuff while at the same time never outright confirming any of these characters as LGBTQ+ (they didn’t even have to make any ships canon, they just had to say whether or not Wander/Hater/Peeps were gay/bi/pan/etc), I’m not gonna invalidate people who feel just a bit queerbaited about the whole thing.

Bittersweet Goodbyes

As I said before, I was starting college when WoY first premiered. It’s the show that led me to my best friend and it’s the show that helped me through those first two years of college (easily the roughest part of college). It was a show that made me laugh and got me excited, even during the times where I was stressed out or worried. For all its flaws, it was one of the brightest lights in my life at that time.

So, needless to say, when I heard the show was canceled, I was devastated. I remember crying about it that night and even the day after, and I remember joining in as many online strategies as possible to try and get the show back, from letter writing to petition signing. Of course none of that worked, but as a bright side, going through this helped emotionally prepare me for the next time one of my favorite shows was suddenly canceled (looking at you Nickelodeon. Though considering how the RotTMNT movie turned out maaaaybe it was for the best…)

Honestly, for as much as I can look at the show through a critical lens nowadays and point out all the ways it could have been better, I think there will always be a small part of me that wishes we could have gotten some sort of continuation, whether it be through a special, a TV movie or a comic - or hell, I’d even take the plans for s3 leaking at this point. Now, given that the end of WoY brought about the creation of “Kid Cosmic”, I feel like this part has faded a bit, but I’m always gonna want closure on things like Hater’s arc as well as his origins given how much they were teased.

But that in itself is another critique I could give the show. Whether it be Wander facing a different type of threat that wasn’t just another villain, Hater’s transition into becoming a good guy, Peepers getting fed up with his boss and striking out on his own, or Dom’s true characterization that the crew kept insisting was there - the show simply saved a lot of it’s most interesting ideas for a potential Season 3. It was a gamble, and it was one they ultimately lost. It sucks, but it is what it is.

There’s a few more things I could critique about the show, such as its take on the idea of character redemption and Wander becoming a bit of a karma houdini that the show pretty much stopped calling out, and while these critiques are valid I feel like there are other fans who could do a better job talking about those points. But in the end, while season 2 was both a let down in some parts and a bit of a mess in others, I still feel like there were ultimately more good things to be found within the show than bad things.

It’s not a perfect show, far from it. Frankly, I don’t look down on anyone who fell out of love with this show or enjoyed s1 but hated s2. But for what it’s worth, the memories I got from the show are still ones I treasure, and episodes like “The Good Deed”, “The Little Guy”, “The Nice Guy”, “The Epic Quest”, “The Rider”, “The Boy Wander”, “The Black Cube”, “The Hole… Lotta’ Nuthin’” and “The Cartoon” are ones I still love to bits and will probably always love as I watch them over and over.

Disney Channel itself may not care all that much about this show these days save for an occasional rerun or a quick cameo in their Chibi-Verse shorts, but I’m always gonna remember it - for better and for worse. So here’s to 10 years, WoY. I may not always like you, but I still love you.

#wander over yonder #woy #long post #personal thoughts #personal opinions #fair warning this is VERY long hence the read more #wasn't tempted not to post it because of the length #but this show was such an important part of my life #and I wanted to get all my current thoughts out about it

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femmesandhoney · 3 months ago

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Girl I didn't know you were into 911 lol. Who are your favourites, what are your opinions?

i just binged it for funsies just recently so same. I have been live reacting to it to @radlymona i know shes so sick of me 🤣! i would say my favs are Maddie (fantastic, she made her way into my top favorite chars ever which was unexpected for me), Hen, & Buck. They're really fun and I like that the show's main heart is the relationships between everyone, bc with such a silly premise at times (so many of the 911 calls are ridiculous in a good way), you need those really solid chars to keep you watching. I will say, it took me many seasons to warm up to Buck. I legitimately don't think he had any personality or development until season 4. That was a struggle considering they consider him the "main" of the ensemble. I still joke the most interesting part of Buck is his sister. But now that I'm fully caught up, I think they finally have been giving him satisfactory backstory and personality, kind of, and now season 8 premiere is setting up some more development for him, which is long overdue. For the main, I was shocked it took so long for them to get past "he just is really bad at dating" as his only personality trait.

Hen and Karen have probably less of the engaging storylines for me with the fostering stuff, but its still cute and I really like them as a couple. Athena is hard carried by Angela Bassett, so she always gets a pass for the crazy shit she does sometimes lol.

I think going into the show I was also definitely expecting the main fan ship (Buck and Eddie) to be more fan shit as per tumblr (I legit forgot they canonically made Buck bi as well), but the longer I watched the more I was legitimately like oh no these two are insane and also need to stop terrorizing the women of LA stat. And also save us from introducing random women every other episode for them that disappear as soon as they arrive 😭 ?? Like please stop that its just painful.

One of the learning curves for sure was that this show has WEIRD AS HELL PACING LMAO!! I'VE NEVER SEEN A SHOW W WORSE PACING! They love introducing and dropping just as quick a plot point or a character, and sometimes randomly bringing it back up seasons later and you have to play along like you remember someone who showed up for fifteen seconds. I half heartedly try to remember shit about people who aren't in the main ensemble, but its so difficult 😭 I couldn't even tell you all the women Buck dated beside Abby and Taylor, and Taylor is only lucky bc I legit liked her as a char. Theres just too much insane shit they throw around and take away too quickly like let it breathe besties.

So yeah, general writing is not fantastic or anything but the show is hella fun and they seemed to have accidentally stumbled into really great character relationships?? Like I live for Maddie and Buck scenes, Hen and Chim duo, Josh and Maddie chats, and Buck and Eddie are like a whole other analysis lol, but they're all great relationships the writers cooked up somehow.

#i also need all of Hen's wardrobe shes my new fashion icon i love her #honorary Chim and Josh appreciation as well they're really fun and I find myself loving Chim focused episodes a lot!#Chim and Maddie are also very cute #and Tommy is dogshit ugly I hate his ass 💀 he sucked before S7 and S7 still he was annoying

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milfygerard · 3 days ago

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Not to tell you how to run your own blog but I loved the discussions full of nuance and would love to see them more often. But also on the other hand I know people who did that often enough that they ended up a target of hate too. Apologies for sending the super chaotic album analysis ask, I was running on fumes too, it was 5am and I hadn't gone to bed yet. The winter months come and I always have trouble waking up before the sun sets, and falling asleep before the sunrise.

Anyway I am not diagnosed with anything, never really could be with where I am, even more so as a woman (we don't even have ADHD meds, those with a diagnosis travel abroad just to buy them) but I have an inkling I might be ND because of many factors but mainly due to feeling like I'm an alien my entire life which no one seems to understand. I've thought about going abroad to get a diagnosis and then I read about what they were doing to ND people during covid and I went fuck that I'll stay wondering and alive. As for Taylor I think the biggest pointer for me was seeing her directing Me! and saying she needs to do less "dead face" or whatever she called it when looking at the footage. I went, oh I know that, it's the thing I also tell myself to do when surrounded by people. Later on I learned why that might be a thing I do lmaooo

the absolute dread i felt getting this anon notif like oh no...it begins

I appreciate the very valid concerns, ive seen how swifties can react to and treat blogs that post too much about subjects they don't like or see as valid. I also have mutuals ive seen get on the wrong end of swiftie harassment and it definitely seems overwhelming at the very least. I have a bit of luck/disguise on my end because ive kind of deduced that swifties seem to not care too much about me if they arent mutuals bc i am not technically a swiftie blog. She's definitely the special interest ive been talking about the most, but I don't post about her solely, I don't have her as my icon or in my url (girard <3) or mentioned anywhere that i'm a swift enjoyer except for me tagging her posts for mutuals who don't wanna see it. My actual posts that I write about her rarely get a Ton of notes and i make them pretty sparsely while also talking about and reblogging a ton of other random shit. I think this helps lessen the likeliness that I'll get someone who like...obsessively reads my blog to point out how stupid dumb and stupid my takes are and get attached to me in like a lolcow sense of trying to provoke me into arguing or entertaining them. If i do start getting some of that, I'll probably just turn off anon and asks for awhile and eventually theyll forget I exist or maybe even block me, imagine that <3

For the second part, I do encourage you to look into whatever neurodivergencies you think you may have even if a literal doctors diagnosis isnt a possibility! Part of the reason im pretty comfortable with tossing around words like autism is because I don't see professional diagnosis as a be all end all, nor do I think its bad to give yourself a "wrong" diagnosis while trying to understand yourself. Even if you don't end up identifying with autistm, I think being around autistic circles and learning about coping mechanisms and thought processes for other neurodivergencies can be so helpful for understanding yourself and your brain, and can bring really helpful. Like, I don't personally have DID or severe psychosis but talking to and reading write ups from mutuals has let me learn about them as like mundane mental health issues/NDs that anyone could have as well as issues i have had in the past with mild hallucinations or conceptions of personality. Most mental illnesses and NDs are treated very strangely and cruelly in general society and are considered aberrant or inherently bad or painful, but these are normal and often neutral (or positive! Which is often ignored or not considered) aspects of peoples lives.

If you are curious about self diagnosis, the most reliable and popular test online is the RAADS-R questionnaire which theres a great version of on embrace autism which i also definitely recommend scrolling through. They also have interesting articles, alternate tests and articles and tests for other neurodivergencies like OCD, which really opened my eyes to the likeliness that I've been suffering with undiagnosed OCD for pretty much my entire life. Theres also an autism forum if you want a broader spread of information and advice that might not be immediately accessible to you. I didnt touch on taylor much in this response (the dead face thing is extremely real, that and her talking about deciding to make the blood in anti hero purple glitter glue because she doesnt feel like a real normal human being in that directors on directors interview) but I do hope the other stuff is helpful and not too rambly <3 autism forever

#ask #anonymous #taylor swift #Theres a few reasons for professional diagnosis but the core point of it is so you know where to look for help and advice and community #and if the help and advice and community that is meaningfully helpful and important to you is in the autism community then thats as good as #any doctors diagnosis for me

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taysdorothea13 · 29 days ago

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how would wren react to seeing taylor cry on stage

she gets sad too, little empath, but she knows taylors fine so its the conflicting 'she's find now but she wasn't fine'. wrenny knows everything, whether taylors told her or she's just figured out other things but constantly watching and listening to conversations people don't think she can comprehend or has any interest in. taylor cries at the beginning of the eras tour because news publication sights have just found out about the breakup with joe, and they're not sparing any headline, or false detail. nobody knows what really happened, for once joe doesn't seem fond of creating more drama than necessary, so they both just wait out the media storm but its killing taylor to see headlines reliving the worst period of her life without actual details. like, nobody knows she miscarried, nobody knows joe supported her decision to foster and than walked out on her when she finally had the one thing she's always wanted. nobody knows joe threw the most horrible digs at her and tried to out the identity of her daughter just to make her miserable. all the headlines are confirming she's a serial dater, confirming and speculating that she got with matty before she ended things with joe, or got with matty only a couple weeks after their split, but the truth is that matty and joe were almost three/four years apart, and that she hadn't been the one to fuck things up with joe. thats why taylors crying on stage, and wrenny hates that her mommy has to pretend to be okay. after the show taylor gets so many cuddles though, so its like totally fine

#[ 🪩⊹ ] — mailbox!#𐙚 — anon #;༊ — come morning light

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wilsons-striped-ties · 4 months ago

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july tc challenge (days 1-31 one shot)

original post here!

1. describe your tc’s physical appearance.

his hair is a super stunning mix of black and silver, sometimes he has a thin layer of stubble, other times he has a little beard that outlines his jawline, sometimes hes clean shaven, and he has a gold chain and his eyes have really adorable crinkles, especially when he smiles and he has really cute dimples!

2. what was the first thing you’ve ever said to your tc?

im not sure, maybe my name?

3. is your tc single or taken? or are you unsure? and are you single or taken?

hes married with three kids and im very much single

4. is your tc more of the athletic type, the nerdy type or the artsy type?

nerdy type but hes a little athletic too!

5. if you and your tc were in high school together, do you think you’d be friends?

i should think so!

6. name one song that reminds you of your tc and explain why that song reminds you of them.

enchanted by taylor swift cause it reminds me of prom and prom is one of my biggest regrets in my life because i didnt interact with him at all for some really weird reason, what was i doing mannn :'

7. is your tc fashionable or are they more of the simple type? what is one outfit you’d love to see them wear?

slightly more fashionable, like he does style up a little bit but its on the more simpler side, im not sure what i'd like to see him in HAHA

8. would you be willing to become a teacher and teach your tc’s subject if it meant you two could be together?

FOR SURE i love teaching and i love his subject the most so its a winwinwin situation

9. does your tc drink or smoke?

not that i know of but he probably doesnt smoke and maybe he drinks occasionally?

10. name one item that is always on your tc’s desk.

his laptop

11. has your tc ever done anything that has either thrown you off, annoyed you, angered you or bothered you in any way? if so, what did they do?

nope actually!

12. does your tc have any past jobs that you know of, before becoming a teacher?

not sure, i think hes always been a teacher? i know he used to be an english and history teacher but hes now just a history teacher

13. does your tc have kids or siblings? if so, how many?

three kids, not sure about siblings but he looks like he isnt an only child

14. are you taking your tc’s class next year?

unfortunately i wish but no, ive graduated :(

15. has your tc ever met your parents? if you were there, what was the meeting like?

OH YEAH like twice at least? i remember possibly first time was during the parent teacher meeting in year four and he called me a model student and the most recent time was during a parent principal dialogue for my younger sister and i have a whole different post on that but he was praising me and laughing at me to them in a joking way :'

16. has your tc ever given you detention? if so, what was it like?

nope!

17. has your tc ever failed you? if so, how did you react? if not, how would you react?

MUAHAH nope except that one time he gave me the lowest score i gotten for his class and i was just like oh makes sense cause i didnt read the question correctly LMAO

18. what are your tc’s hobbies/interests? are they similar to yours?

you know, i actually dont know but he loves football

19. have you ever spoken on the phone with your tc? what did you talk about?

unfortunately never

20. if you had your tc’s class during quarantine, what were your zoom calls like? if not, have you spoken to your tc since quarantine?

nope, his classes were all after quarantine

21. if you had the chance to go anywhere in the world with your tc, where would you go? what would you do?

WOAH i'd just like to roam around the country together, doesnt need to be anywhere special or anything just walk and talk and get to know each other more

22. does your tc have any nicknames for you?

very unfortunately no but hes called me his star history student before

23. have you ever cried in front of your tc? why? how did they react?

nope

24. have you ever walked/drove to/from school with your tc?

nope :( but ive walked around school with him a bit before

25. do you know which teachers your tc is friends with at school? if so, do you like those teachers?

yup, and they're all really nice actually!

26. why does your tc’s voice sound like?

it sounds like oh goodness im not even kidding but its so smooth and satisfying and just really calming, like melted chocolate but slightly raspy

27. do you like your tc as a teacher? are they a good teacher?

YES hes the best teacher ever

28. does your tc prefer books, shows or movies?

dont know but he looks like he prefers books?

29. is your tc stern or easy going, in class?

hes stern but really casual and easy going and fun too actually

30. how would you describe you and your tc’s relationship?

fun and causal and cute and quite comfortable and jokey too

31. do you address your tc by their first or last name?

mister 'first name'

(fun fact, this is my first scheduled post!)

#teacher crush #teacher attachment #teacher x student #teacher x students #male teacher crush #teacher crush community #female student x male teacher #male teacher x female student #tc crush #tc community

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qnewsau · 8 months ago

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Gay bushranger musical Captain Moonlite comes to Sydney

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/gay-bushranger-musical-captain-moonlite-comes-to-sydney/

Gay bushranger musical Captain Moonlite comes to Sydney

Be gay, do crime! Captain Moonlite: A New Australian Musical is coming to the Casula Powerhouse Arts Centre this month and tells the story of Andrew George Scott – Australia’s “gay bushranger!”

When composer Jye Bryant stumbled across the story of a bushranger who had gone to his death with a ring made from another man’s hair on his finger, and who wished to be buried beside him in the same grave, he knew he had to tell it.

Andrew George Scott, AKA Captain Moonlite, first rose to prominence when he was accused of robbing the Egerton gold bank in Victoria in 1869 where he was ministering as an Anglican lay preacher to the miners.

But it was his kidnapping of forty people at Wantabadgery Station in NSW and subsequent shootout with police that resulted in his conviction in the courthouse behind Taylor Square and then hanging in Darlinghurst Gaol in 1880.

His death cell letters suggest a relationship between himself and his main sidekick, a young man named James Nesbitt, who he had lived with on the outside after meeting him in jail, and who died in his arms in the shootout.

“I stumbled across the Moonlite story a fair few years back and I remember thinking that this would make a really interesting musical but I didn’t know how I would go about it until I read those letters, Bryant tells QNews.

“When I did, they spoke so beautifully and passionately to me. Imagining him in his death cell in Darlinghurst Gaol in the midst of his grief for James Nesbitt while having to fight for his own life in court.

“I just knew that would be how I told the story. With him reliving all of the events that had led up to those final hours of his life.”

We exist through the centuries

Bryant says he thinks it’s important for these sorts of stories to be told so that LGBTQIA+ people can see themselves as present in the historical fabric of Australia.

“It’s particularly important for emerging younger queer people to see that there are generations of queer people before them and we as a society should recognise that. We’ve always been here,” Bryant says.

The version of the musical that will greet audiences at its Casula Powerhouse Arts Centre season is actually its third iteration as Bryant has updated the play based on feedback from audiences and historians each time it has been performed since it premiered in Queensland in 2020.

“I’m quite excited to see some of those changes and how audiences will react to them after sitting in on a couple of rehearsals,” Bryant says ahead of the 2024 season.

The Heritage Council of NSW is currently considering adding the Gundagai gravesite of Scott and Nesbitt to the State Heritage Register for their significance in providing “a window into queer relationships in the nineteenth century.”

Bryant would also like to see some form of permanent recognition near Taylor Square.

“Someone who was allegedly part of our community was put to death in the heart of gay Sydney with a ring of his partner’s hair on his finger, yet that story is so invisible when you go there,” Bryant says.

He’d also love to see a future version of the musical staged by the Darlinghurst Theatre Company one day, just a stone’s throw from where Scott’s trial and death played out.

Captain Moonlite: A New Australian Musical is at Casula Powerhouse Arts Centre with performances daily from Wednesday, May 15 to Saturday, May 18.

-For more information go to www.casulapowerhouse.com

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

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sciencespies · 4 years ago

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What Happens When Scientists Become Allergic to Their Research

https://sciencespies.com/nature/what-happens-when-scientists-become-allergic-to-their-research/

What Happens When Scientists Become Allergic to Their Research

Bryan Fry’s heart was pounding as he stepped back from the snake enclosure and examined the bite marks on his hand. He had just been bitten by a death adder, one of Australia’s most venomous snakes. Its neurotoxin-laced bite could cause vomiting, paralysis and — as the name suggests — death.

Fry, at the time a graduate student, had kept snakes for years. Oddly, the neurotoxins weren’t his biggest worry; the nearby hospital would have the antivenom he needed, and, although data is limited, people who receive treatment generally survive. Anaphylactic shock, on the other hand, might kill him within minutes.

“Anaphylactic shock is the single worst feeling you can possibly imagine,” recalled Fry, now a biologist at the University of Queensland in Australia. “It is just insane. Every cell in your body is screaming out in mortal terror.”

Fry, who had spent his life admiring and eventually studying venomous snakes, had become deathly allergic to them.

Bryan Fry observes a cobra on a trip to Pakistan. He is now deathly allergic to snake venom.

(Courtesy of Bryan Fry)

While most cases are not so extreme, anecdotal reports and expert analysis suggest that it is far from rare for scientists, students, and laboratory technicians to develop allergies to the organisms they study. Perversely, some allergy researchers say, it is the researchers’ passion for their subjects — the close observation, the long hours of work each day, and the years of commitment to a research project — that puts them at such high risk.

“It is true that some things cause allergies more often than others, but the biggest factor is the frequency of the interaction with the study organism,” said John Carlson, a physician and researcher at Tulane University who specializes in insect and dust mite allergies. “You probably have about a 30 percent chance of developing an allergy to whatever it is that you study.” While data is limited, that estimate is in line with research on occupational allergies, which studies suggest occur in as many as 44 percent of people who work with laboratory rodents, around 40 percent of veterinarians, and 25 to 60 percent of people who work with insects.

Federal guidelines suggest that laboratories have “well-designed air-handling systems” and that workers don appropriate personal protective equipment, or PPE, in order to reduce the risk of developing an allergy. However, interviews with researchers and experts suggest that there may be little awareness of — or adherence to — guidelines like these. For scientists working with less-common species and those engaged in fieldwork, information on what exactly constitutes appropriate PPE may be very limited.

Many researchers, perhaps especially those who do fieldwork, are used to being uncomfortable in service of their work, Carlson points out. “I think that a lot of researchers are so interested in the process of the research,” he said, “that they aren’t really considering the long-term effects that it could have on them.”

In general, allergies develop when the immune system overreacts to a substance that is usually harmless, or relatively harmless. The immune system monitors the body for potentially dangerous invaders like bacteria, fungi, and viruses. Sometimes, for reasons that are not well understood, the immune system identifies something benign, like pollen or animal dander, as dangerous. To help mark the intruder, a person who has become sensitized in this way produces antibodies, or types of proteins, to identify it.

When that person comes into contact with the substance again, the antibodies flag it as an invader. As part of the response, immune cells release compounds like histamine, which irritate and inflame the surrounding tissues, resulting in allergy symptoms.

Although some risk factors have been identified, researchers who study allergies are often unable to determine exactly why this overreaction occurs in some people but not others. But it’s clear that, for some substances, repeated exposures can increase the likelihood of an allergic response.

While anecdotes of allergic scientists abound, research into the issue is scant. The best documented are allergies to rodents, which are ubiquitous in biomedical research. But some scientists report allergies that are almost completely unstudied, potentially because relatively few people — at least in wealthy nations in which many allergy studies are conducted — regularly come into contact with the organisms that cause them.

For example, while most people avoid regular contact with leeches, University of Toronto doctoral student Danielle de Carle goes out looking for them. De Carle studies leech genetics in order to figure out how different species are related to one another and to understand how blood feeding evolved. To study the leeches, she first has to catch them, and like other researchers in her field, she uses her own body as bait.

“We wade into swamps and stuff, and we let them attach to us and feed from us,” she said. For most people, leech bites are relatively painless. When de Carle needed to keep the leeches alive in the lab, she would let them feed on her then as well.

Doctoral student Danielle de Carle now uses sausage casings filled with pig blood to nourish the leeches she studies.

(Courtesy of Danielle de Carle)

After about a year and a half of this, she started to notice symptoms. At first, the bites became itchy, but the more she was exposed, the worse it got. “The last time I fed a leech — which I try not to do anymore — my entire hand swelled up so much that I could hardly make a fist,” she said. “It itched like crazy.” De Carle said that, when she’s out hunting leeches now, she can avoid an allergic reaction if she removes the leech after it attaches itself to her, but before it starts to feed. For the leeches she keeps in the lab, she’s switched to feeding them pig’s blood from a butcher shop instead of letting them feed on her.

Nia Walker, a Ph.D. student in biology at Stanford University, has also begun reacting to her research organism. Walker studies how genetics influence coral bleaching resistance and recovery. She began to notice rashes on her hands during her third trip to conduct fieldwork on corals in Palau, an island nation in the South Pacific. “And then each subsequent trip after that, it got more and more extreme,” she said. “It got to the point where my face would bloat and I’d get welts on my hands from touching them.”

While her symptoms are especially intense, Walker said she’s not the only member of her lab who has developed a sensitivity. By now, she said, everyone in the lab has “developed a slight irritation to corals.” Walker has been able to manage her allergy by using protective equipment and over-the-counter antihistamines. “It’s sad,” she said, “but it’s also pretty funny.”

Sometimes, allergies that scientists have picked up during lab work can spill over into daily life. More than a decade ago, evolutionary biologist Karl Grieshop worked in a fruit fly lab in which bananas were a key part of the flies’ diet. Ever since, he said, his throat gets itchy every time he eats a banana. Jon Giddens, a doctoral student in plant biology at the University of Oklahoma, said that he didn’t have any allergies before he started studying Eastern redcedar, a small evergreen tree that is widespread in some regions of the country. But now, even though it’s been more than a year since he last worked with the species in the field, he has year-round nasal allergy symptoms, he thinks from the redcedar pollen in the air.

Likewise, Brechann McGoey, who received her doctorate in ecology and evolutionary biology from the University of Toronto, said she didn’t experience hay fever before she started her graduate work. But after repeated exposure to ragweed pollen during experiments, she developed symptoms like post-nasal drip and persistent cough. Even though she no longer works with the species, she still gets hay fever every fall during ragweed season. “It’s a souvenir from my Ph.D.,” she joked.

Reflecting previous research on occupational allergies in veterinarians, most of the researchers who spoke with Undark did not seek medical attention or get a formal diagnosis for their allergies.

Biologist Nia Walker attaches an ID tag to the base of a tabletop coral on the northern fore reef in Palau. Everyone in the lab she works in has “developed a slight irritation to corals,” Walker says.

(Dan Griffin / GG Films)

In many cases, scientists report that their allergies are annoying but manageable. But sometimes, the allergies force researchers to make major changes.

Entomologist Chip Taylor began his career studying sulphur butterflies as a Ph.D. student at the University of Connecticut. When he started his own lab at the University of Kansas in 1969, he had every intention of continuing to work with the species. But, he said, “by the time it rolled around to 1973, I realized I was so allergic to these butterflies.” Taylor began to experience asthma-like symptoms whenever he worked with them.

In the summer of that year, during a research trip to central Arizona, Taylor and a colleague rented a trailer to use as a workstation to process butterfly wing samples. “I could not go in the trailer,” he recalled. “I slept outside with my back up against a tree so my sinuses and my throat could drain.” To manage his symptoms, he was regularly taking prednisone, a powerful anti-inflammatory drug that can have serious side effects. “I decided that I had to get out of working with those butterflies,” Taylor said. “I had to readjust my career to work on something else.”

Taylor spent the next few decades studying killer bees. He returned to butterfly research in 1992, when he started the monarch butterfly conservation program Monarch Watch. Taylor said he’s never experienced any symptoms while working with monarchs — maybe, he guesses, because the two species produce different types of pigments.

Fry, the biologist who became allergic to snake venom, also said his allergy has shaped his career. The venoms of different snake species share similar components, Fry said, so someone who is allergic to one type of snake is likely allergic to many types. Because of this allergy, Fry also has to be extremely careful even around venomous snakes that are usually not dangerous to humans.

“Whenever I work with these animals now, I look like I’m going into the Hurt Locker,” he said, referencing the Oscar-winning movie about U.S. Army specialists who defused bombs in Iraq. “So, of course, in the tropical sun I’m absolutely melting.” Those limitations, he said, have made working with snakes less enjoyable. “I can’t just blithely interact with these animals that I find so absolutely fascinating, knowing that death is just around the corner at any given moment, even from a snake that normally wouldn’t be a medical problem.”

Fry survived his encounter with the death adder thanks to a snakebite kit containing injectable adrenaline and antihistamines, as well as a quick-thinking friend who raced him to the hospital. The allergy, he said, has caused him to redirect much of his research to studying venoms in other animals, including Komodo dragons, slow lorises (the world’s only venomous primates), funnel-web spiders, and box jellyfish. “I’ve managed to turn it into a good thing,” he said, “but it’s been nevertheless very frustrating.”

Allergy experts say that reducing exposure is the key to preventing allergy development. Exactly how much the exposure needs to be reduced is less clear, and increasing protection may be costly for institutions and inconvenient for researchers.

Some laboratories that use mice and rats have equipment and policies designed to reduce exposure to allergens. These labs install ventilation systems for the cages, use a robotic system to clean them out, house fewer animals per room, and provide an area for workers to change out of allergen-contaminated clothing. PPE such as masks, gloves, and gowns can also help researchers reduce their exposure.

But actually applying those preventative measures can be challenging, said Johanna Feary, who studies occupational lung disease as a senior clinical research fellow at Imperial College London.

In 2019, Feary and several colleagues published a study of seven research institutions in the United Kingdom that performed research on mice. They found that facilities that used individually ventilated cages, instead of open cages, had dramatically lower airborne allergen levels. But even that was not sufficient to prevent technicians from becoming sensitized to mouse allergens. The facilities with the lowest levels of sensitization were those where workers also wore properly fitted masks. The research, she said, demonstrated that, at least in the U.K., the development of allergies to lab animals “is probably preventable in almost all cases.”

But Feary said that lab animal allergies continue to be a problem for many people. “We should be getting better at it,” she said. “I’m not sure we are getting better at it.” The main reason, according to Feary, is that it can be costly to install equipment that reduces allergen exposure, such as those robotic cage cleaners, especially if it requires renovating older facilities.

It’s also hard to accurately assess the magnitude of the problem, she said, especially given that conditions and practices differ widely around the world. While well-run facilities will monitor workers’ exposure and health, “at the other end of the scale, you have filthy places with poor health and safety,” she said, where recordkeeping is patchy and people who develop allergies may simply feel compelled to seek work elsewhere. “So, it may look like everything’s fine, and nobody’s got any symptoms, but actually all the sick people have left,” Feary said.

It may also be the case that only the best-run facilities will report their data, she said, while the rest will simply not engage. Indeed, several years ago, when a group of Duke University researchers attempted a nationwide survey of the incidence of anaphylaxis associated with lab-animal bites in the U.S., only 16 percent of facilities even responded.

And with less well-studied allergies, there’s simply little information available regarding prevalence and what sorts of protections are sufficient to prevent their development. Several scientists living with allergies, though, said they think that more information and awareness could help increase the number of scientists taking precautions in their research.

Fry said there is more awareness of snake venom allergy than there was when he started formally studying snakes in the late 1990s. But, he added, “it’s still not as well-known as it should be.” Researchers in the field, he wrote in a follow-up email, can be reticent to talk about venom allergies. But, he said, “I’m quite candid about it because, you know, this is life-saving information.”

Walker, the coral biologist, said more research on allergies among researchers would be helpful. “A lot of these things can be addressed if you knew to look out for it,” she said.

Early-career scientists generally receive thorough training on proper handling of biohazards and harmful chemicals. Institutions often provide extensive safety plans for fieldwork to help researchers prepare for the various risks involved, from dehydration to hypothermia to bear attacks. But scientists may learn little about the potential for developing allergies to seemingly harmless organisms.

“I feel like maybe there’s a bit too much of a casual attitude about protective gear,” said McGoey, who developed an allergy after doing research on ragweed. “Maybe especially if you’re working with a plant or animal, where it’s like a natural thing, and you’re not in the lab with a chemical, maybe people are just not careful enough.”

“As silly as it sounds, just maybe having more emphasis on using PPE and the consequences of not doing it would be kind of nice,” said de Carle, the leech researcher. “It can be really easy to just think, like, ‘Oh, I don’t really need to wear gloves; I’m just touching flowers or whatever.’”

Carlson, the allergist, said that even well-informed researchers can get caught up in their enthusiasm for the work and rationalize not taking the proper precautions.

In 2009, Carlson worked on a project that involved collecting data on house dust mites, microscopic arthropods which cause nasal and respiratory issues in millions of people worldwide. Despite his expertise, he neglected PPE. “I know all this,” he said. “I know I should be wearing a mask, but it’s hot, and it’s sweaty, and I don’t have a boss telling me what to do.” As he worked, he developed a runny nose and itchy eyes — the first steps toward a full-fledged allergy. “I pushed through and I ended up hyper-sensitizing myself,” Carlson said, to the point that even getting down on the ground to play with his then-young children made him “absolutely miserable.”

Carlson is saddened thinking about those scientists who have to give up the work they love due to allergies. “I really do feel for these folks doing their work and developing an allergy,” he said. “The more we get the word out there, the better.”

Hannah Thomasy is a freelance science writer splitting time between Toronto and Seattle. Her work has appeared in Hakai Magazine, OneZero, and NPR.

This article was originally published on Undark. Read the original article.

#Nature

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issaxcharlie · 4 years ago

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Falling like the stars✨

Pairing: Alive! Luke Patterson x Fem Reader

Summary: Luke and Y/N never got to be a thing. Whatever they had ended abruptly when she settled on someone with far more status than the aspiring guitarist. Months later, now single, Luke entangles her in a scheme to make Sunset Curve more popular. The only thing she needs to do is fake date him for 2 weeks.

Songs used: Holy Ground by Taylor Swift, Loved You First by One Direction and Falling Like The Stars by James Arthur.

High school is a world by itself. It has its own system and everyone moves through it. It is something that although it is not discussed, everyone knows. Including the three members of Sunset Curve, who are lying in the yard trying to find a solution to their latest problem.

"We need more people to support our music. If we can't get this little school to support us, how are we going to fill clubs or sign with a label?” Reggie wonders aloud to himself, no matter how hard they try, they can't get the Los Feliz student body to listen to their band.

“We should have thought about it before, Reg. Now we're just the problem kids who most likely won't finish school. Why would they come to see us at those seedy little clubs when they can go show off at football games.” Luke stands up suddenly after Alex words, one of those huge smiles that comes out when he has a really bad idea on his face.

“Well it seems that the solution is easy, boys. We have to make them see us on the same level as those jocks.”

“Oh yeah, and how are we going to do that, genius?” Alex fiddles with his hands as he rests his head on Reggie, both tired of not being able to come even close to fulfilling their dream.

Luke points to the nearest post, on which there are at least 5 posters to support the homecoming king and queen.

“Really? Do you think someone would vote for you? Before all those star athletes who also have a cheerleader to back them up? You basically have just us and I don't think I can do one of those tricks.”

“We’ll think of something. Winning that stupid thing would put us directly in the top of the pyramid. We’ll find a way, we always do.” Before anyone can respond, some screaming and commotion can be heard.

“Savannah is accusing Y/N to mess with her man! Run, they are in the hall!" students mention as they start running to watch the discussion.

“Oh god, Y/N. I’ll better go and see if I can help her somehow.” Alex gets up and Reggie begins to follow him, but not before turning to make sure Luke is following too. The guitarist makes an irritated face but ends up walking behind his friends.

From the moment they enter the main hall they can hear the screeches of probably the most popular girl in school, Savannah Miller. One of those typical unbearable girls who for some reason always reach the top of the elite in schools despite treating everyone badly.

Y/N Y/L is on the other side of the discussion, she looks calm and even bored. The first thing Luke digests from Savannah's words is that she thinks Y/N was making out with her idiot of a boyfriend during third period. What's interesting about the situation is that Diego cheated on Y/N with Savannah maybe a week and a half ago and had been dating her ever since.

But that's not Y/N's style, no matter how angry she is.

Luke knows her well enough, or so he wants to believe. She was always good friends with Alex and Reggie, and her relationship with them remained strong over the years despite how unstable and fleeting her relationship with the guitarist was.

He's never going to admit how deeply he felt for her. How much it screwed him up that just when he finally began to believe they could be something else, she completely walked away from his life so she could date the man that would end up cheating on her just because he looked more promising at the time. Rich, popular, the quarterback of the football team, the ‘perfect guy’ she said to the boys.

But hey, that's past.

Luke looks up to meet Y/N's eyes on him. In the moment she realizes she was caught, she sneakily turns to Alex, who is just inches from the guitarist and smiles at him.

“Are you actually smiling? You think this is funny?” The girl looks furious, but she's smart enough not to make this a battle of strength.

“I already told you, Savannah. It wasn’t me.”

“I can count, Y/N. Neither you nor Diego were in class."

And that’s when it hits him. The possibility of getting to the top of the pyramid in front of him. Because maybe Y/N is not the most popular, but it is undoubtedly one of the most loved by everyone. Intelligent, caring, beautiful, talented. And she certainly has the status after dating Diego Hernandez for one semester. No one had managed more than 3 months with him and the guitarist thinks that was a good sign that that idiot is not a good idea but well, it wasn’t his choice.

Luke begins to walk towards the center of the circle, Alex tries to stop him but cannot catch his arm in time. Both girls turn to see him surprised, but neither says anything.

"You can go find culprits elsewhere, Y/N was busy with me at the time. You can ask whoever you want and they'll tell you that I wasn't in class during third period either."

Of course, he wasn't there because the trio got into Reggie's old truck to get some hotdogs but no one has to know that.

His hand goes to take her firmly by the hip, just like all those nights that now only remain as memories. He is looking at every inch of her face, searching for her reaction, and is surprised by the naturalness with which the girl accepts the gesture. As if his hand belongs there. And maybe, just maybe, it does.

“Do you really want me to believe this?” Savannah asks, clearly annoyed.

“Y/N and Patterson? There’s just no way in hell. C’mon babe, he’s just pathetic, you could do better.” Diego says out loud as he approaches the scene in the middle of Y/N and Savannah.

There's something about the disgruntled way they both said it that makes Luke want to prove that a girl like her could want him. He doesn’t know how to distinguish if it is pride or insecurity but at the moment he is not interested.

He's barely going to open his mouth to defend himself when Y/N starts talking. "No. You can speak as badly as you want of me but you're not going to bring Luke into this."

Luke lets go of her so he can step back a few inches and see her from a better angle. She’s definitely not calm anymore. Her face looks altered and she is undoubtedly in protective mode. She turns to see him when she feels his hand leave her body but he offers her his hand and she intertwines it between her fingers without hesitation. At this rate she is taking control of the situation so he is going to let her continue and try to achieve his goal along the way.

“I know you need a partner to have any hope of winning the crown, but choosing Patterson is a desperate move.”

And that’s his cue. "If my baby wants that crown I will get it for her. It's that easy.”

“What? I do-” At that moment Luke panics and pulls her by the hand that they have intertwined and with the other holds her face while bringing their lips together. When he reacts to what he is doing he is afraid that Y/N will push him in front of everyone but to his surprise she kisses him back instantly, releasing his hand to bring him closer to the neck.

The kiss is passionate and almost desperate, but it only lasts a few seconds since a voice brings them back.

"This feels like deja vu." Reggie whispers to Alex, they both walked during the discussion towards the circle and are so close that Luke and Y/N heard him clearly.

“Well, we already clarified that she was not with your boyfriend so, I’ll take my girl. It was a pleasure, we should repeat this another day... said no one ever." Luke takes her hand and leads her to the nearest empty living room, Reggie and Alex locking the door behind him.

“What the hell was that crown bullshit? Why did you even cover for me? What are you up to? At least tell me is fun... or that includes you shirtless.” She jokes, a cheeky smile spreads in Luke’s face.

“I need a favor and thought you’ll appreciate an alibi.” She raises her eyebrow in reflex.

“Why would I help you, Lucas?” Luke can only think of how she makes a name as simple and boring as Lucas sound so sexy when she says it. Is incredible.

“Cut the act, beautiful. We both know you've never been able to resist me.” Y/N laughs amused at the boy’s sassiness. She won't admit it but she missed his eyes on her. She missed the way he uses that cocky stupid voice that melts her when he wants something. How he gets closer with each sentence, or his lips on her mouth.

Before she can counter attack, Alex stands in front of the guitarist raising his hands. “I know he’s an idiot, but we really need your help, Y/N. If we want Sunset Curve to gain popularity we have to start here, and this is our last year. Gaining popularity among the elite of the school would help us a lot.”

“We are getting desparate.” Reggie adds, a sad smile on his face.

“And pretending I made out with Luke in third period and getting to be homecoming dance queen and king helps you... why?”

“That crown is literally a test of popularity and status. It would put Luke on the same level as the popular kids like Savannah and Diego. People would be more interested in Sunset Curve after that. For now, for them we are only three good for nothing that one day will not appear around here again. You heard yourself that those two didn't think Luke was good enough."

Her face flushes with anger as soon as she remembers the contemptuous tone of voice they used to refer to Luke. If they hadn't been in the middle of the hall, she probably would have said a lot more than she did. That single comment is enough to make her decide, so without thinking Y/N asks “What do you need me to do?”

“Just play perfect couple with Luke until homecoming dance. Then you are queen and king, Sunset Curve gets the fans we deserve, you get to laugh at Savannah’s face and you can separate next day if you want to.”

“I’m not sure If someone is going to believe it.” She blurts out loud as she glances at the guitarist.

“Oh please, you know each others mouth better than your own names.” Reggie says without thinking, Luke snorted with laughter and Y/N blushes like crazy.

“Yeah, and you used to spend a lot of time together too, two weeks shouldn’t be that hard.” Alex tries to recover the seriousness of the situation to close the deal.

“Okay then. If I can help Sunset Curve and get that smirk of superiority off Savannah's face then sounds good to me. Are you willing to date me, Patterson?”

Their eyes meet again and without a sign of hesitation her now officially boyfriend for the next two weeks, answers.

“Beautiful, you have no idea.”

There is something about relationships that never get to happen that make the heart weigh more, that nostalgia to be stronger, the person more difficult to forget. Luke can't help but remember during the last periods of the day just how good it felt to taste the girl's lips again. Feelings of desire, of familiarity, of belonging. All colliding and going deep into his bones.

He decided a long time ago he didn't do relationships, but if he did, it would have been with her. He was willing to break that rule for her, but she had the final decision and it wasn't him. He accidentally put himself in the perfect situation though. All those what if’s will finally have an answer.

For two weeks he can test what it would have been if Y/N Y/L had chosen him. And when he finally tries the experience he will be free. Free from all the what if’s, free from her, from her memory. And there's also the part of how much the band will benefit. The main objective of doing this, obviously.

The last hour is finally over and Luke sped off toward Reggie's truck. In front of it is Alex already waiting and he can see Reggie and Y/N also walking in the same direction. The four of them regroup and Y/N starts to discuss game plan.

“If we are going to do this, we are going to do it well. There will be a party at Finch's house this Saturday and the three of you are coming with me."

The three members of Sunset Curve make an annoyed face at the words of their friend. "That's exactly why no one supports you. You think you are too cool to hang out with the people but then you want everyone to happily buy your shirts and listen to your music."

“She has a point there.” Alex agrees, and puts his arm around her shoulder.

“Okay, let’s do this. If you all come with me, we can leave early and crash one of those places you usually play. Maybe even have some people of the party to come with us and hear you rock the shit out of that place.” All three smile with bright eyes In response.

“You got yourself a deal, pretty lady.” Reggie says in a flirting tone and winks at her. Luke gives him a light punch on the arm.

"I'll see you on Saturday in my house then, at nine. Goodbye boys." She winks at Luke and walks over to her car, making sure to do a perfect walk because she knows pretty well that the guitarist isn't going to stop watching her until she pulls out of the parking lot.

Luke gives her a perfect smile one last time before Y/N leaves school. These two weeks are going to be weird.

The four members of the band are in the truck, Bobby decided to get out of school recently but a party and a gig sounds like a rad Saturday. Luke gets out and walks to the door to wait for Y/N to come out. When she finally comes down he feels like all the air is coming out of his lungs.

She's wearing the black Sunset Curve t-shirt that he forgot one of the many times he climbed up to the second floor of the house to see her. A short black skirt and one of his red flannels that he probably left there several months ago as well. Black fishnets stockings which he can't help but imagine ripping out with his teeth, her lips in that tone of red that drives him crazy, and her classic black boots that he hadn't seen since she started dating the cheating idiot.

“Genius huh? Is there anything that says more ‘Luke Patterson’s property’ than this? I don’t think so." She smiles proudly and blushes when she notices Luke's gaze locked on her legs. Fishnets may have been included in the outfit due to a certain weakness that the musician has towards them.

The hair that the guitarist is used to seeing in a perfect bun lately, is now loose and tousled. As rebellious as the day he met her, moving in harmonious tune to the rhythm of Now or Never.

Luke reaches out to to entwine his hand in her hair and whispers slowly into her ear “You look... fucking hell, you are not playing fair, baby.” Lightly biting her lobe when he’s done speaking.

They both linger in a trance for a few seconds, considering whether they should just walk in and lock the door. But before they can decide, the boys that already know this story pretty well and are sick of waiting for them while they flirt, get out of the truck. Reggie carries Y/N like a sack of potatoes and between Bobby and Alex take Luke by the arms, putting them in the vehicle so they can finally get to the lame party and then, the gig.

When they finally arrive, the eyes of almost all the girls go to the members of the band, who are definitely dressed for the occasion. Y/N can't help but notice how most of the cheerleaders wink at her boyfriend. Yeah, it’s not real and will last two weeks, but for now she justs wants to forget that part and enjoy the feeling of him being hers.

So she makes a small, harmless gesture to mark territory and puts her hand in the guitarist's back pocket.

Luke turns to see her, an amused smirk on his face. “Jealousy looks so hot on you, I wouldn't mind if you marked my lips with that red lipstick too."

That statement resonates in Y/N’s head. All the times Diego refused to kiss her so as not to stain himself and even forbade her to use that lipstick that for her was part of her brand returning to her head. Followed quickly by every night Luke came down after finishing playing and instantly attacked her lips with his, caring for nothing more than the feel of their tongues fighting for control.

“Not jealousy, just a quick reminder to everyone. You are all mine tonight.” She puts a little more pressure on the hand in his pocket and stands on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of his lips.

“Dance with me?” She asks innocently while giving him a flirtatious smile.

“With you, always beautiful.” He smiles back, winking charmingly.

His hands find hers and she begins to dance and jump gracefully to the rhythm of the music as he spins her around, both singing the lyrics to each other with unmatched energy, happy to be together.

“Tonight I'm gonna dance, for all that we've been through.” She sings with a determined voice, taking the musician by the hair and bringing their faces closer.

“But I don't wanna dance, If I'm not dancing with you.” Luke returns the verse with the same passion, just inches separating their lips. His beautiful and trained voice tends to sound like a more country vibe when he gets carried away and especially in more pop melodies like this, and honestly drives her crazy.

The fact that the rocker at heart gave in to listen to other genres for her and even remembered the lyrics was enough to melt her heart. The last time she was able to let herself go and sing at the top of her lungs like this was with him, listening to a mix of their favorite songs in his car while going for their favorite icecream. Whatever they had was a lot more deeper than what they are willing to admit.

“Did we really just see Luke sing and dance to a pop-country song?” Reggie asks the band, Alex and Bobby behind him laughing at the guitarist who blushes and kisses his date's forehead. “I am not going to discuss this. I'll go get us something to drink." He winks at her and dissapears into the crowd.

“I’ll go too, be right back.” Bobby announces leaving Y/N with Alex and Reggie, who smirk at her.

“It seems that pretending is easier than you thought.” Alex can't stop smiling, Reggie playfully itches the girl's ribs who grins from ear to ear.

"Everything always fits when I'm with him. I ruined my chance. I'm totally aware, and I'm not expecting anything from him, because I honestly don't deserve it. But I plan to enjoy every second of these two weeks that came from heaven to the fullest.”

“You should explain hi-” Before Reggie can finish speaking, Diego appears behind Y/N and tries to forcefully pull her by the arm.

The guys manage to react quickly and release her arm while stepping in front of her. But right away his teammates get behind him.

“Save yourselves the pain, she is going with me.” Diego says confidently, his face showing arrogance.

“Guys, ple-” She tries to stop them from getting hurt, but both step a little forward, determined to protect her no matter the cost.

“You are not taking her, Diego. But you are more than welcome to try.” Alex's voice sounds cool and calm, but Y/N can see how much his hands are shaking and her heart hurts at the sight.

They are all so into their own business that nobody notices the guitarist's return until his lips collide with his girl, who is surprised for a few seconds but immediately recognizes him and gives him space for his tongue to taste her mouth.

They both lose themselves in the kiss for a few seconds longer than necessary and then slowly separate. Y/N grinning from ear to ear as she tries to wipe some of her lipstick off Luke's mouth. He just smirks, as happy as ever.

"Sorry guys, do you need something?" He plays the innocent card. After that kiss, most of the people at the party are watching the scene, so Diego, who looks furious, chooses to leave without saying anything. Right away they can hear a long restrained breath from Reggie and Alex.

“You are a cocky genius, I'm not sure we could have won that one.”

“I’m not sure? Did you seriously think we had a chance?” Alex asks, clearly anxious after what had just happened.

Y/N stands in front of them and throws herself into their arms, whispering how many thanks she can say in a row. They return the hug and begin to relax in each others arms. Bobby and Luke join in the hug, and Luke whispers his own thanks to his friends.

The band decides that it’s time to go and to their surprise, when they let people know that they are going to play at a small club in the center of the city, some decide to follow them. On the way, Y/N spends her time wiping her lipstick off Luke’s face with some wipes she had in her bag, struggling not to press her lips against his every time he made her an adorable grimace or a flirtatious smile.

“You know the drill, beautiful.” Luke turns to see her directly in the eyes, concern on his face just like every time before.

“Front row, not a second out of your sight, so if I need something better wait for you guys to finish performing to get it. Better safe than sorry." She recites, proud to remember every word.

“Thank you, baby.” He smiles a little more calmly, gives her a light kiss on the cheek and starts to help take out the instruments.

They are only doing a few songs from their repertoire, but the energy they transmit drives everyone in the little club crazy. The Sunset Curve members look at a Luke they haven't seen in a long time. The energy and passion in his voice dedicated entirely to the little woman in the front row who sings with all her strength every word and melody, imitating Luke's guitar solos or Alex's drums with her arms.

The 15 students who decided to attend are close to Y/N, trying to get her attention from time to time but nothing can take her eyes off her friends. Not even she knew how much she had missed seeing them play. The look of maximum happiness on their faces.

The last song is one that the little club seems quite familiar with, but she had never heard it before. So it must have been written in the last six months.

“Had my chances, could've been where he is standing.

That's what hurts the most, girl, I came so close

But now you'll never know. Baby, I loved you first.”

The lyrics leave her breathless. Luke, who had made contact with her practically all night, now seems to avoid her eyes like a plague. She definitely has to ask Alex about this song before getting any ideas.

The four bow and get off the stage, Luke launches immediately for Y/N, some of the girls try to get his attention and even try to grab him by the arm or waist but he remains firm until his hands meet his girl's hip.

“What do you think?” Luke's fingers shaking in the grip on her waist tell her he's nervous. The fact that her opinion of them matters so much to him that it makes him feel insecure makes her heart skip a beat.

“It was amazing as always, rockstar.” A huge smile appears on the guitarist's face, who gently takes her face with his hands and kisses her nose. After all, he has to remember that they are only pretending to date and for now he has no good reason to push his lips against hers. It doesn't matter how much he needs her.

The way home is uneventful, Y/N sleeping in Luke's arms while Alex puts the guitarist's red flannel over her.

“Will they ever stop pretending they're ridiculously in love with each other?” Bobby asks Reggie as he turns his head to see the couple.

“They are both stubborn and allergic to real feelings. Especially love. They are so terrified that they have to sabotage themselves somehow.” Alex answers for Reggie who just nods without taking his eyes off the road.

"Do you really have to talk like I'm not here?" Luke asks, resting his chin delicately on the head of the woman in his arms.

Tonight felt unreal. Felt practically like one of the many dreams he has had with the girl throughout these months. Seeing her in his clothes was enough to make the night special, but without a doubt dancing in her arms, savoring every inch of her mouth and seeing her energetically sing each of his songs to end the night with her in his arms is just perfect. Reggie parks at Y/N’s after dropping Alex and Bobby, and as Luke decides how to get her to bed without waking her she sinks deeper into his chest.

"Carry me to the door hotstuff, I like to be in your sexy arms." Luke lets out a cheeky laugh in surprise, another laugh coming from Reggie.

“She’s so asleep, I can’t. Adorable though.” Luke agrees and takes her bag before walking down with her in his arms and carrying her effortlessly to the door.

“Thank you for tonight. I didn’t think I could ever feel this happy and complete again.” She murmurs in his ear before giving him a sweet peck in the lips and enter the house.

What the two of them took from tonight is that indisputably, they are both still head over heels for each other. But it was like that the first time and it just wasn't enough.

Days go by with the couple being the school's favorite gossip. People talking in the hallways about the special way Luke looks at his girlfriend, comparisons about the dry way Y/N used to be with Diego compared to how she is with the guitarist, always touching him somehow and spending all the time with him as possible, visibly much happier. Some also talking about how good the band sounds and wondering why they hadn't heard it before. Everything going according to plan.

On Thursday afternoon, Luke arranged to pick her up for the two of them to find him something formal enough for the dance. When Y/N opened the door she met his beautiful greenish hazel eyes, and swears that for a second she forgot how to breathe.

She knows this scene. He smiles sweetly at her, takes her hand and opens the door of the car for her. Multiple interesting memories inside this car coming back to her mind. His firm hands on her legs, his tongue testing her mouth, his hot moans after biting his lower lip...

“Beautiful? Whatcha thinking?” Luke's voice brings her back to the present, his hand goes directly to her thigh as all that many midnight drives and without saying anything he plays the girl's favorite album.

That’s it. If she wants a chance with him, she needs to make this right. “I- We really need to talk.” Hearing the tone of her voice, Luke senses what is coming. He was here before. So he turns off the car that hadn't even started to move yet and turns to look at her.

"I know we've been putting it off, but we have to talk about how it all ended, I-"

Luke interrupts her before she can finish, his voice sounds broken, sad, angry. "I really don't want to talk about how you preferred an idiot for whom you don't feel the remotest thing just because he'll get a football scholarship and this perfect future.”

She spends a few seconds processing his words. Did he really say what she thinks he said? "It wasn't like that, Luke."

"I know it looks like I can't compete with him, but I would have done anything for you. And I thought you knew that.”

She doesn't know what to do or say. She was so unconscious, so selfish, so heartless, that she didn't even think about how he could have understood the situation. In how much he must have suffered these months watching her with Diego, believing he wasn’t good enough. Believing that she chose someone who wasn’t him, because he wasn’t good enough.

He stays quiet, examining the girl who seems about to cling to tears. The anger evaporates instantly and he leans into her seat to wrap his arms tightly around her. She starts sobbing, but seems determined to talk.

“R- Remember the night we met? It was the first Sunset Curve presentation. I had just entered the little club, but your voice dragged me to the front row like a magnet. And when I was finally in front of the stage, I knew it. It was you. The butterflies that everyone talks about for the first time in my stomach. I knew I could never feel again something even close to what I was feeling at that moment.

I got carried away in your voice, dancing to the rhythm of the melody and recording every sound in my head. And when I opened my eyes again, yours were staring at me. And I understood that you felt it too. It was me, and you knew it. It was so natural, powerful, magnetic, deep. I loved you since the first day, Luke. How is that not going to scare me?

When the feelings started to get so strong they burned, I knew I had to run. You always made it very clear that relationships were not your thing, I could not continue to wait for something that from the beginning you made it clear you could not give.

Then Diego arrived at the right time to give me an exit, and I took it. I knew he just wanted to have me around to raise his good boy status, and feeling nothing was safer than feeling too much. So I lied. I lied to you, to me, to everyone. And I’m sorry, but I was so scared. I was a coward who should have done things differently.”

When she finally finishes pulling out what she's been saving for months, she pulls away from Luke to see his face. His eyes look crystal clear, his cheeks red. But his beautiful white smile lights up his face.

"Next time you love me so much that you can't bear it, let me know, please? I can step on your foot or sneeze in your face. I was literally going to ask you to be my girlfriend that weekend. I even wrote you a song."

“You were? The one you sang the other night?”

“Okay, I wrote you a lot of songs. Maybe too many. But the one I'm talking about is different. Maybe I'll let you listen to it one day. If you stick around long enough this time.”

She smirks and kiss him lightly on the lips, enjoying the feeling of being able to. He knows he reacted way too chill. But he also understands her feelings. What is the point of reproaching her for something they can no longer change? A bad decision made by a love so immense that it left her blind. He is simply not willing to waste any more time. They are finally going to do things right. Neither of them is going to self-sabotage it this time, and since he doesn't trust it, he'll put Alex and Reggie in charge to make sure.

The night of the dance arrives. Y/N is wearing a beautiful black dress and her classic red lips. Luke tried his best to look fancy and he's wearing a pretty cool suit but in a sleeveless version. His still fake girlfriend couldn't stop smiling when she saw him. Just perfect.

Dancing in his arms, letting him go only once in a while to dance with the other three members of Sunset Curve made the night amazing. The rest of these two weeks they spent it talking, laughing... making out. Enjoying the most of the time they lost. Even completely forgetting why they were faking it in the first place, until they ask the candidates to take the stage.

"And your king are queen are... Y/N Y/L and Diego Hernandez!"

They all turn to see Luke in shock. Just hearing their names together is enough to make him frustrated, but there's not much he can do right now. And that's when he remembers what he asked the boys to play for the king and queen's first dance. Great, now dance they’ll dance to his song together. Just his damn luck. He sabotaged himself again without imagining it.

They are crowned and Diego offers her his hand, not without first throwing a face of superiority to the guitarist. She walks but continues straight until she is in front of her lover.

Luke looks at her strangely, she smiles at him.

“But I don't wanna dance, If I'm not dancing with you. Remember?” She sings happily in his ear, and offers her hand.

“Dance with me?” He looks at her adoringly and takes her hand.

“Always, beautiful.”

They walk to the center of the floor, Alex begins to sing the first verse. Y/N rests her head on Luke's chest, her hands around his neck, as he presses her against him by the hip, wrapping her in his arms. His head bent to sing the song in her ear.

“I swear to God, I can see... you're still the girl in the club.”

Tears of happiness begin to flow from Y/N, the words that she never had the opportunity to know, finally getting revealed. Luke's sweet, soft voice in her ear. The perfect melody and the beautiful voice of Reggie and Alex in the background.

“And I need you to know that we're fallin' so fast

We're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love.”

The moment he sings in love, Y/N lifts her head to meet his eyes. He lifts his hands to her cheeks to wipe her tears, gently holding her face to make sure she sees him recite every word.

“And I'm not scared to say those words. With you, I'm safe.

We're fallin' like the stars, we're fallin' in love.”

The second Luke finishes singing, Y/N stands on tiptoe and pushes her lips against his. Tears of happiness continue to fall from her face, wrapped in a passionate, slow, deep kiss. He's all she wants. Her heart chose him since the very first day.

“I can’t believe one of Luke’s random ideas it's what made them find their way back to each other. Reg, we tried for 6 months and we were never even close. Two weeks ‘pretending’ and bam! they are just fine.”

Both watch the happy couple dance now that they are official.

"You know what they say, Fake it till you make it.” Reggie smirks while watching Luke happily kiss Y/N.

“Fair. At least everything was fixed before we shoved Luke into the pool to see if Y/N would rescue him with a mouth-to-mouth kiss."

“We still could try, you know... for science.”

“Cool. Monday works for me. Do you think that even though he didn't win, we still have a chance to win some more fans?”

Reggie raises his head before answering, a smile appears when he sees the bunch of girls and boys who are spying on them just a few meters away. Probably waiting for them to finish talking to get closer.

“I think Sunset Curve will be just fine too, Alex.”

Thank you for reading✨

Taglist: @writerinlearning , @ghostofmgg, @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it @agentstarkid @talksoprettyjjx @kaitieskidmore1

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illfoandillfie · 3 years ago

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Kinktober Day 4: Bimbofication + Cockwarming

Kinktober Masterlist | Regular Masterlist

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Words: 3,164

Warnings: Bimbofication/intelligence play, hypnosis/trance state, cockwarming

A/N: This fic is very much set in my Future Management universe though I think you could get away with not having read the others. I’ve missed writing these two tbh and then I saw that one of the prompts for day 4 was bimbofication and decided it was a good enough excuse to get back to them. But I also really loved the second prompt for day 4, cockwarming, so decided to mix the two together!

After the long week you’d both been dealing with, you and Roger were glad to have a weekend to yourselves to relax. You’d spent too many nights out at various political functions, lobbying politicians and trying to convince the wealthy elite to donate to your cause. It was frustrating though and despite the numerous late nights and all your best efforts, it didn’t feel like you’d got particularly far. Roger had returned to the studio that week to begin recording Queen’s next album, so he was having a better time than you had been, though by all accounts everyone had been a little on edge as the week drew to a close. He’d come home complaining about how snippy everyone had been and how little progress they’d made that day. It was nice just to curl up on the couch together and zone out in front of the telly, not least because recently you’d barely found time to just be together without interruptions. It wasn’t a problem exactly, and you’d known you’d have patches like that when you first started seeing each other, but the lack of intimacy and physical affection created by your busy schedules did take its toll. So, on Friday night, Roger took great joy in turning off the alarm clock, deciding you could both use a lie in. You were too exhausted to even suggest anything more than talking before you went to sleep, but Roger made sure he was spooning you as you settled down, holding you tight. 

Roger was still asleep as you woke, carefully detangling yourself so you could tiptoe to the bathroom, but he offered you a sleepy grin when you came back.  “Sorry, did I wake you?” “Maybe a little. Thought we were going to lie in.” He pouted at you as if you’d betrayed him.  “I had to pee!” you laughed, “But I’m all for lying in now.”  Roger chuckled along with you as he beckoned you over, encouraging you to lay your head on his chest as you snuggled back up. His hand found yours, softly tracing the length of your fingers as he sighed happily.  “I missed this,” he half whispered, pulling your hand up so he could kiss your knuckles.  You hummed in agreement. For someone who’d not been in the habit of sharing your bed or encouraging physical contact, you’d certainly gotten used to Roger’s touch. He’d thoroughly converted you as the relationship became more serious, made you see how nice it was to be held, how comforting his hand in yours could be. And you had missed it over the last week when there’d not seemed to be enough time for those soft, quiet moments with him. You’d sat next to uninterested politicians who nodded politely at what you said but never offered anything useful, and thought about how nice it’d be to feel Roger kiss your temple or squeeze your thigh. And then your mind had taken it further, reminding you how warm you got when his weight was over you, how it felt to fill your lungs with his breath and to taste him on your lips. You shifted at the idea and realised you weren’t the only one who wanted more than just to relax. Scooting away from Roger so you could better face him, you began to suggest you could maybe slip down under the covers and help him get properly excited, but before you got more than a few syllables out he was talking about a different idea. “So, I’ve been thinking about something I thought might be fun to try with my bimbo doll.” “Oh?” You weren’t entirely sure how you felt about that. On one hand you loved when Roger turned you brainless and cock-crazed, how fun it was and how freeing. But this was the first time you’d really been able to be together in a little while. What did it say about the state of your relationship or his opinion of you, if he’d prefer your bimbo alter ego over the real you, “You want her?” “Not necessarily right now,” he said, rubbing his knuckles softly against your cheek, “Not if you don’t want to. I’m happy staying like this with you all day.” “Don’t pretend you don’t want to fuck. I want to fuck.” Roger laughed, “Oh I definitely want to fuck. I’m just saying I’d be perfectly happy fucking beautiful, brainy, you, instead of the slutty idiot.” You couldn’t help but smile at that. “But it’s something I’ve thought about quite a lot. And I think it’d be kind of perfect for such a lazy morning.” “Okay.” you said, thinking about it more, “I’m not entirely opposed to the whole bimbo thing. It might actually be nice to be a bit brainless, maybe even make it a bit easier to relax. Y’know, sort of keep me focused on enjoying the moment and really feeling everything. So why don’t you just tell me what the idea is and then I’ll know how up for it I am right now.” “Hmmm. I thought maybe it could be a surprise. But don’t worry, it’s something we’ve done before. I’m just curious how she’d react to being made to do it.” “Being made to?” you asked, raising your eyebrows in disbelief, “Is this something I like?” “Oh yeah, definitely. Believe me, we’ve done this a few times before. Usually, it’s less part of sex and more to do with the aftercare or the foreplay.” You tried to think of what he meant but nothing came to mind that fit the description. It was intriguing though. And you trusted Roger, you knew he wouldn’t take advantage or force you to do something you wouldn't normally do. If he said you enjoyed it then you must enjoy it usually. Roger waited to see how you’d react. “Nothing to lose?” “Nothing to lose.” He said with a smile, “I promise it’ll be fun, love.” “Okay, let’s do it. I’m insanely curious. But also, sometime later today or tonight, we’re going to have regular, non-bimbo, sex.” “Anything you want. You ready?”

You nodded and instantly felt Roger draw you back down so you were within easier reach. His fingers trailed lightly over your arms as he began to talk you down. You relaxed into the moment, letting his voice wash over you as his touch created goosebumps over your skin. As you closed your eyes your breathing began to soften and you felt the familiar drowsiness settle into your mind. Roger did his usual improvisation, making sure you knew how dumb you were, how easily confused and hopelessly idiodic you were. He made you understand that you couldn’t understand half of what he said, that you were just a giggly dummy who needed his help. And then, when he was sure you had gone brainless, he told you how horny you were. How all you could think about was his cock in every one of your holes, how desperately you ached for him, how being filled by him was your one goal in life. The only thing you needed or wanted. And how the longer you waited the hornier you got. He told you about being desperate and wet and you felt yourself grow desperate and wet as he said it though you couldn’t remember the word desperate. You tried you but just came up blank. The only world you could think of was cock. It flashed in your mind like a neon sign and just the thought of that word alone made your mouth water and you cunt ache. You shifted, trying to rub your legs together, able to feel the slick forming between them as your stomach tightened with need. And then he told you one word, a simple word. No. He explained that every time he told you no, it was guaranteed to compound the horny desperation you felt. “What’s co-com- ummm, com-pound?” You asked, confusedly. “It means the feeling will get stronger. When I say no, you’ll get even hornier. Understand?” “Yes,” you sighed, content now that he’d explained the hard word.

By the time you blinked your eyes open, all you knew was that you wanted his cock. It was your very first thought and the first thing you said. Roger looked at you, smiling, and greeted you. A pleasant, “Hi,” that made you feel warm and happy. You’d smiled back, “Can I please have your cock Sir?” That made Roger laugh, “No baby. That’s now what I want to do right now.” Hearing him say that just made you want it more though. “Please Sir? I could suck it for you. I really really really want to suck your cock.” “No, I don’t think I want that either.” You whined softly, “I promise I’m reallllllly good at it and I love sucking cock so much.” “No. What else could you do instead?” “Ummm,” it was hard to think, hard to remember anything beyond how horny you were, “Maybe I could ride you?” “Hmmm, no.” You groaned and clenched your hands into fists for a second as a bolt of energy ran through you, “Can I wank you?” “No, baby, not that either.” “Please Sir?” “No.” The bolt of energy ran through you again and you stomped your foot against the mattress to relieve some of the pressure. “Keep suggesting things,” Roger grinned, “Maybe one of them might interest me.” You scrunched your face up in concentration, trying to think of something Roger might like, “What about if you fucked me? I’d be so good and I’d stay so still and you could use my pussy and cum in me and-” “No. No I don’t want that either.” “But Siiiiiiir,” you whined, “You always tell me to take your cock!” “Do I?” “Yes!” you giggled, wondering how he could have forgotten, “You always say how good it feels in me.” “I s’pose that’s true.” “So can I have your cock now?” “No.” You whined and pouted but Roger didn’t budge. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s start with taking your clothes off.” “Okay Sir.” you nodded, giggling again at the idea, hoping it would lead to having one of your holes filled. “Well go on then. Shirt off first, good girl.” You rolled yourself off the bed and quickly began tearing off the pyjamas you were wearing, feeling hot as Roger’s gaze dragged over the newly exposed skin. “Now undress me.” You couldn't help but laugh as you crawled across the bed to reach him. He’d slept without a shirt so all you had to worry about were his flannel PJ pants and underwear pulling them down his legs one at a time. As his underwear came down your eyes fell to his cock, revealed inch by inch. You felt saliva pool in your mouth and had to resist the urge to lean forward and taste him. “Can I touch you Sir?” you asked quietly, almost holding your breath as you waited for his answer. “No.” “Please?” you asked again, frustrated. Roger didn’t understand how bad you wanted it, how much you needed him. “I’ll do anything Sir, whatever you want.” “No.” With an impatient groan you threw yourself onto your stomach, beating your fists and feet against the mattress. It was the only way to relieve the energy and pressure building inside you. But Roger just laughed, “Awww, is Dummy gonna have a tantrum? That’s not going to change my mind. My answer is still no.” You whined and kicked your legs again, your pussy throbbing with how empty it was. “You’re such a desperate slut, aren’t you Dummy.” Roger laughed again, “So maybe....” You looked up excited and hopeful. “I might decide to fuck you. Pin you down, fill you hard and deep and cum in you as many times as I can manage. Just to shut your whining up.” You scrambled back to your knees and nodded happily, reaching to wrap your hand around Roger’s cock. He slapped you away, “I said might, Dummy. That’s still a no. You’ll have to show me you deserve it. You’ll have to be a good bimbo doll and do everything I say. Can you do that?” You whined but agreed you could. He didn’t need to make you promise to follow his orders. You’d have done that anyway. You’d have done anything he asked, anything to make him feel happy and pleased.

“Sit up, hands behind your back. Show me your cunt.” You scrambled to do as he asked, smiling proudly when he hummed at the sight of your spread legs and wrapped his fist around the base of his cock. “You’re so wet Dummy. How’d that happen?” You giggled again, “I told you I want you Sir.” “Guess I didn’t realise how much,” Your gaze fell to his hand and your breath caught as you watched him slowly stroke his length, stiffening more the longer your eyes were fixed on him. It just made everything worse. You couldn’t seem to drag your eyes away, nearly panting with desire. Wanting to touch yourself almost as much as you wanted to touch him. “Oh you are desperate. I can see your cunt clenching around thin air and you’ve got drool on your chin. You don’t even care which hole I use.” You shook your head. Whatever he wanted would make you happy because it’d make him happy. “I could keep telling you no.” A whimper slipped from your lips and you felt your pussy pulse with need. “But maybe I’ll be generous. Lie down here, next to me. Good girl, now turn onto your side. No, other side, facing away from me. That’s right.” “What are you doing Sir?” you asked over the creaking of the bed frame as Roger shifted around behind you. He didn’t answer though, just pressed himself against your back. You could feel his hard length being directed to your slit and you changed the position of your legs to make it easier for him. “Good girl,” he said softly, his breath warm against your bare skin. You moaned at the feeling of him moving between your legs, waiting for the sweet stretch of him filling you. Only it didn’t come. You could feel him between your lips, sliding easily through your soaked folds, every ridge and vein making you shudder. You tried to press back, to direct him into you, but his hand landed on your hip, forcing you to still. “No.” The word pulled another whine from you, louder than any before, exacerbated by how close he was to what you really wanted. But that just made Roger chuckle as he kept teasing you. It was pure torment, though worse was still to come.

It took you completely by surprise when Roger stopped his teasing rubbing, readjusting his angle so he could sink into you slowly. The unexpectedness of it stole your breath but you managed to gasp out a small moan of thanks, finally getting what you’d been so desperate for. The position you lay in kept your bodies close as he sheathed himself fully, rocking his hips gently so as to withdraw a little and thrust back into you. You could have cried with joy at knowing you’d pleased your Sir, that you’d been so good and patient, and he’d finally decided to take what you’d offered him. And then he stopped. You tried to take over his rhythm, tried to fuck yourself on his cock the way you knew he liked. Last time you’d done that he’d praised you for being brainless and needy, called you a good bimbo whore and you’d kept going until he’d cum, laughing about how good it felt. But this time he stopped you. He pressed his hips flush against you and wrapped his arm tightly over the top of you. “No, Dummy. No moving now.” “But Sir,” “No. Be good and lie still or I will make you,” He tapped the middle of your forehead with a finger, “Remember I have all the power.” You didn’t know what he meant by that or why he’d tapped you but you knew how to be good. You knew how to please. And so you relaxed again and lay quiet and still, the way he wanted you. “It’s still a little early for me to use you. I think I want to sleep a bit longer, so why don’t you stay here and warm my cock for me. It’ll keep me comfortable so I can sleep longer. And then when I’m better rested I’ll think about fucking you.” You whined again, wanting to thrash your arms and legs again but unable to, wanting to be pinned down by your Sir and used, wanting to feel him move within you or to taste his cum or anything. But if that was what he wanted that was what you’d do, so you nodded and agreed softly. Roger hummed happily which was all you needed to hear to feel happy too. He let out a tired exhale and seemed to still. You listened as his breath evened out into a shallow rhythm, and struggled to keep relaxed in his embrace. As far as you could tell he was asleep, though his hand seemed to come to life. His fingertips trailed over your skin, coming to rest on your chest. You tried to remain quiet but struggled not to moan as his hand cupped your breast and squeezed it. In response he moved slightly, though still slept on, his cock changing angle within you by a hair's breadth. In your state of heightened arousal it was enough to have you clenching again, trying not to wake Roger in case he got mad.

There was a soft laugh from behind you and Roger mumbled, “C’mon Dummy, you should sleep too.” And then he kept talking, telling you how you’d still be horny when you woke but you’d have control of your brain again, you’d be back to his beautiful, intelligent partner. It sounded like nonsense (what did intelligent even mean?) but something about the way he spoke made your eyes droop and close. There was a small tap on your forehead and you awoke, disorientated by being brought back to the real world so soon. “How do you feel, love?” Roger asked and you twisted in his arms to try and see him better. You were pleased when you heard him groan at the change in your position. “You’re a fucking tease Roger Taylor.” you half laughed, trying to sound less amused than you were. He laughed too, clearly pleased with his little game, as he released you and withdrew his cock from your heat, “I told you you’d like it.” You pushed yourself up to be more comfortable, “I don’t know that like is the word I’d use. All I feel is horny. Insanely so.” “Do you want that fuck now?” He was still laughing when you tackled him.

Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

#my writing #my fics #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor smut #roger taylor imagine

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tkellwrites · 3 years ago

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I've seen it on some other blog(s) so... How would ROs react when some fans notice MC like on a street or smth and start saying how hot MC is? 👀

Scott/Scarlett: Would just nod along not really knowing what to do. They’re not the best at confrontations, unless they’re pushed, so they’d simply stand beside you as the fans gush. They wouldn’t want to put you in an awkward spot with your fans anyway. Afterwards they’d gently ask you if that’s how it always was. A slight tension working its way through their body as they do so.

Carter: Would casually sling their arm over your shoulders. A playful smile on their face as they agree with every word that the fans are saying. “Yeah, they are quite hot aren’t they?” or “You should see them in the morning.” Pretty much hyping up your fans while also making sure they understood that you were fully taken.

Edward/Elizabeth: Would be tense the entire time. They only get limited time alone with you and they’d like to spend it only with you. Of course, they love meeting their fans and they won’t begrudge the MC from talking to their own. But do they really have to say those things right in front of them? Your significant other? If it kept going they’d smoothly interject with an arctic smile on their face. Ice would be warmer than them in that moment as they pull you closer to their body.

Victor/Victoria: Being a fan of yours makes them understand where these fans are coming from. However, what they don’t understand is the fact that you’re clearly with your SO and they’re spouting that type of stuff? Don’t do that. There’s decorum that should be offered and this is more of an online thing to spew. They, of course, agree with everything the fans are saying but that doesn’t mean they want to be subjected to hearing it. Would try to pull you from the interaction completely. As they don’t want to snap at the fans.

Taylor: Would watch with a keen interest. They have written about celebrity interactions with their fans before but they’ve never been in a front row seat to it. They’d be cataloguing the more interesting things that are said to definitely tease you with later. Mainly staying out of the conversation until it becomes a bit too much. By that time they’d gently take you by the arm and tug you in the direction you had been traveling before getting interrupted.

#empire #scott frost #scarlett frost #carter griffith #edward holland #elizabeth holland #victor swann #victoria swann #taylor brennan #anonymous #asks #ask #fan interaction

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river-bottom-nightmare · 3 years ago

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Nightwing #81 Review

i swear i actually thought no one was interested so i didn’t write one but a grand total of two (2) people said they wanted to read it, so here it is. honestly, my opinion’s been going a bit downhill, but the art is really cool and there are some decent parts so. holding out i guess? i really hope taylor has an end goal or at least a cohesive plan, otherwise i don’t see this series going anywhere i’ll particularly enjoy

the cover is very straightforward in its imagery, this villain has nightwing in the palm of his hand, easily manipulated, easily controlled no matter the action dick thinks he’ll take.

what i find interesting is the colour: both previously and heavily in this issue, the colourist has chosen to make pink this villain’s main colour, with different shades of pink as accents. so why the red in the cover? possibly to just make it more eye-grabbing, though one could argue that pink is even more eye-catching than red. maybe to convey a sense of dread or fear that pink won’t fully get across. either way, it’s definitely a decision i’m curious about.

so melinda zucco is in a high enough political position within bludhaven that she is next in line to become the mayor after the previous mayor died and dick just,,,,didn’t have any idea she existed? dick didn’t know anything about her? forget dick’s own brilliant detective skills, forget his doggedness at anything zucco related, you’re telling me bruce never found her and told dick about her? maybe he wouldn’t have now, but back when dick was a young kid, he definitely would have at least made dick aware of her existence, to let dick know and ask if he wanted to interfere with her life or anything.

i have a thought about zucco’s facial expressions. she is very much stone-cold poker face throughout the entire issue. the only time i see her pull a different expression is near the end when dick corners her against a wall with an arm around her throat.

this is most certainly intentional, what with the varied and intense expressions we see on other characters, dick most prominently. i’m wondering what exactly is the creative team’s reasoning behind this. in these panels, zucco is meeting with the most dangerous, powerful, near-bloodthirsty man in all of bludhaven and becoming the mayor of the city respectfully. in both of these panels, there is barely a hint of emotion in her face: no fear, no determination, no satisfaction. it’s just odd, considering the circumstances she’s in, regardless of any training recieved.

just spitballing here but. like. from what i’ve read so far, dick doesn’t really seem like bludhaven’s guardian angel. more like when peter parker first put on spandex and blindly stepped out into new york.

dick, how exactly can you underestimate someone from one move. so he caught your escrima. anyone with enhanced reflexes can do that. you still don’t know how he can actually fight, and this is shown in the next set of panels.

i just don’t like the wording here. dick’s “underestimated” him, but beats him up easy in the next page. in addition, i don’t know much about combat, but i would assume it would take more than one move to determine exactly what an opponent’s skill level is, made even more complex when you add physical enhancements and metahumans and aliens into the mixture.

idk my first thought when i saw that he caught the stick was “ah ok he’s enhanced” because obviously he couldn’t have reacted fast enough if he wasn’t (as there are few people trained enough to catch it on human reflexes alone.) then the wording in the next panel, i’ve underestimated him, made me think “oh no ok so he’s not enhanced, he’s just a really good fighter and can give dick a run for his money in a fight.” then, it turns out my first assumption was proven correct in the next panel. it just comes across as misleading to me.

(also sidenote but his curls are cute.)

have i praised the art enough in this series? no, i have not.

i adore the way this is laid out and illustrated. without even having to read the text, the action sequence is visually engaging and intense, and easily followable from one panel to the next. dick’s physical expertise comes through quite efficiently, and i love the special attention shown to draw our attention to dick’s escrima in the bottom right corner.

also that move in the middle row leftmost panel that’s the mcu black widow move to get up off the ground it was the first thing i noticed and it made me laugh; thought it was worth noting

i’m really loving dick’s escrima sticks in this run. they’re just so multipurpose, it’s hilarious and exhilarating. kinda reminds me of bruce’s belt, the way the button in the middle does eevveeerrryyytthhiinngg.

got a problem? don’t worry! dick’s installed a feature into his escrima that can fix that! (i like thinking dick helped make them it makes me happy and makes my engineer!dick side satisfied)

yawn. your big heart is your one true weakness yadda yadda the fact that you care will be used against you blah blah we get it. jesus can the villains please find a different weakness to exploit, this is getting old.

i need dick’s capacity to empathize and care and love to stop being a weakness that villains sneer about. bonus points if dick saves everyone anyway, either because of or despite his great big heart and the villain is surprised by the goodness of mankind or some shit like that.

i need it to be a strength, right from the get-go. the fact that he cares so incredibly much should be an asset that dick has and will use. he’s a very complex character with years of background, it can’t possibly be that hard to find another weakness of his.

ooooh this is cool, gosh i absolutely love this.

because what exactly is the reader doing? we are seeing the fear in dick’s face, just as this villain intended. even better, we’re seeing the reflection of it from the villain’s glossy mask, telling us exactly what we’re seeing and exactly what he likes so much about it.

dick’s standing up straight, shoulders drawn back, looking up at this villain’s face with determination and resolve, but his suit is tattered. one eye looks to be swollen. his hair is falling limply around his eyes, as opposed to the curls from earlier. his escrima aren’t even part of the main focus, instead blending into the side of the mask in the outer corners of the mask’s eyes, which tells you exactly how big of a threat they are to this villain.

poor bitewing’s quite alarmed.

also on second thought why would you bring your puppy out like this, when you know you’re gonna end up fighting someone in the suit. a) how many grey three-legged adorable little puppies live in the bludhaven area dick? and how easy will it be to connect the doggo running around with nightwing with the doggo that dick grayson owns? and 2) is this puppers trained? does she have fighting experience? how exactly can you ensure she will survive this highly stressful situation?

dick take better care of your dog

you know what? i was with tim on this one. why exactly is dick so optimistic and trusting about the people of bludhaven? bludhaven, which has been described as gotham’s smaller, smellier, more corrupt sister city once or twice. it’s not just the corrupt people in power, the entire system needs to change and people need to have faith and hope in order for them to come together, espcially if they’ve been living in conditions like how bludhaven has been described. from how clueless dick is about his own goddamn city, i can tell he hasn’t been here long.

it was a nice moment of hope, i’ll admit. but it was a tad unrealistic for me.

also it was in a weird place in the comic. this sort of confrontation and big get-together of the people to rejuvenate hope in each other feels like it should come near the end of a run, if not the end of an issue. certainly not in the first third of an issue. the pacing’s a bit off to me.

loyal little puppy patiently waiting for her human to wake up. i love her so much.

no it’s not. it’s bitewing.

living for this t-shirt honestly. do comics of dc characters exist in the dc universe? they must if the mug and the shirt are any indication

(now i’m imagining the first batman movie that came out in the dc universe and bruce just. being so offended at who they chose to play him.)

well, yes. but when a group of people are put through hellish conditions over and over again, they soon become desensitized to the pain and terror of their everyday lives in order to both stay sane and keep their life relatively stable, and part of that becomes ignoring or blocking out anything that isn’t directly important to you or your loved ones. having a bleeding heart will most likely get you killed in a city like bludhaven if you don’t have the same skills that vigilantes have.

and of course, people are more than capable of coming together and rallying under their city’s vigilante after seeing the good they’ve done and how they’ve helped the people, but that sort of trust takes time and effort to build. dick also had the whole ric arc and was gone for a while, which has been referenced several times in this particular issue in fact. that’s not going to make bludhaven’s citizens any more likely to trust him.

maybe i’m being a bit harsh but this comic is comic off as a bit too idealistic for the amount of change nightwing can do in a city given the present and past circumstances as well as nightwing’s own abilities. even dick grayson can’t pull off everything.

ok seriously this needs to stop this needs to stop.

right now, dick reminds me of oliver queen in the few episodes of the cw’s arrow i watched. he does the punchy-kicky-fighty and occasionally has smart insights due to the skills he gained from his past that he certainly definitely totally has but only ever exhibits once, while his team does all of the background research and information gathering and actual work.

this is dick’s city. if he has the same intelligence, worth ethic, and stubbornness in this run that he’s been shown to possess all his life, then he knows this city inside out. he’ll have meticulous notes organized in a ridiculously efficient system, he’ll have scouted out zucco long before this started, he’ll have known when anything big happened in the bludhaven political landscape in an instant.

i’m really not liking exactly how much dick’s relying on babs and tim in this series. sure, he loves them and cares for them and likes working cases with them. but he always pulls his own weight, has always been a mentor figure to tim instead of what’s weirdly becoming the other way around, and takes point on the cases in his own damn city.

what kind of weak-ass oracle is this?? redacted fbi files are child’s play. babs used to hack into the fbi for fun. this one particular picture is so out of character i want to laugh.

reading this series has unfortunately made me confront that, despite the tiny fluid acrobat dick that lives in my head 24/7, canon dick is impossibly 5′10 and muscular at that.

mmm. titties.

tim said hydrate or die-drate bitch

love how dick’s doing all this intense brooding and stuff meanwhile bitewing is curled up in a soft comfy post having the time of her life.

you don’t understand i would legitimately kill myself for her.

also the lighting in this one scene is cool. the blue tones come off so well.

they’re just. so multipurpose!! they can become a bo staff. they can cut glass. they can become a grapple hook/line. they can electrify someone. they’re a funky colour. i’m becoming really attached to these things. absolute solid choice in weaponry.

if you’re gonna write up every rookie mistake dick has made during this series to head trauma, then dick shouldn’t be out and about at all, much less in costume.

see this? this is just straight up wrong. dick most definitely should have spotted her, and would have immediately moved to take her down.

scratch that, dick would have done a full check of the building, because he knows not to break into places uninformed, especially if the owner of the apartment was raised by the maroni family. someone as highly trained, experienced, and competent as dick wouldn’t have done this.

and if you chalk it up to head injury, (which is probably true), than his ~love interest~ and his little brother should have done a much better job making sure he stays in his house.

zucco looks so awkward it’s fucking hilarious

are those shadows that mimic a domino mask, to both reflect and hide the fact that his mask is missing? are those bruises around his eyes, to show how, despite what good he’s doing, being nightwing is hurting dick right now?

(isn’t his domino mask supposed to have an electrifying feature that keeps people from removing them?)

it’s a little odd how the three known villains of this series are all coloured in warm shades, more specifically pink. meanwhile, in earlier issues, dick’s fondest memories were in pink, memories of him and alfred in particular. why has the colour pink changed from signifying something benevolent to something malicious? idk i hope this gets explained later.

this i did like. either it’s just a display of brute force in anger, or dick slipped the ties and pulled them off once untied. both ways, it’s an unintentional display of power, and i think that’s kinda cool.

again. dick is,,,tall? sort of? weirdddd

i’m so glad most readers are unified in the notion that this was the absolute dumbest fucking thing.

i’m hoping this gets disproved or something soon. and i hope dick doesn’t fall for it, because he definitely knows better than to take something as important as this at face value.

what exactly is taylor trying to accomplish here? why is he trying to go back on what we all knew was a happy, loving childhood and throw strife and disharmony and (what i’m assuming will be) infidelity? this will not end well at all.

---

,,,,,this review got way longer than expected lol. and i realize most of it just became me ranting. i guess i didn’t realize how ticked off i was originally. fingers crossed it gets better.

tag list: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @anothertimdrakestan @subtleappreciation @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @thatsthewhump @xatanna-troy @red-hood-redemption @capricorn-stark @batshit-birds @comics-observer

#nightwing 81 #nightwing #dick grayson #dc #nightwing 81 meta #nightwing meta #dick grayson meta #dc meta #river thinks too hard

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crossovereddie · 3 years ago

Note

Actually, here is an alternative thing for you to occupy your time with, and a question I have been meaning to ask you for a while. I have finished 911 finally! So I'm ready for the new season. And I wonder, realistically, what do you think the roadmap would be for a buddie endgame?

I absolutely see how their story has been framed and filmed in a lot of parallels to how a romantic storyline would be set out. But there has been no outright mention of either of them being bi - although the conversation about Maddy setting Buck up with whassisface was very casual and could very easily have been an example of canonically bi Buck - and they are both at the end of season 4 in 'relationships' with women.

So, in your estimation, what's the timeline? What's the transition? How do they go about this and how long does it take? I wanna know your thoughts 👀

okay yes i have lots of thoughts on this and it's actually one of my fave questions i get asked. I've always watched a lot of tv shows so I'm just estimating on what I've seen before and what I would personally do. IMO this love story is a slow burn. We only have four seasons so far and only three of those seasons have Eddie in them. This unsurprisingly got long so ill put it under the cut.

So I'll go by seasons bc to me its important to look at everything that has happened so far by seasons and by love interests and not as a whole. Its the best way i can form a timeline that I think would make the most sense and why

S1: So we don't get any hints at Buck being anything other than straight and I think this is because he was supposed to be. They hadn't planned for Eddie yet and they definitely hadn't planned for the chemistry Oliver and Ryan were gonna have. S1 Buck was this reckless kid who didn't take anything serious. He was definitely super immature. Then he meets Abby and he starts to get serious about his job and his love life. I'm not gonna say "Abby changed him" because she didnt. He saw the person he was and the person he was becoming and decided on that change himself.

S2: Eddie!!!! So we get introduced to this army medic turned firefighter in the least heterosexual way. Then Buck is angry because Eddie is hot and really good at his job. they work together and Eddie compliments Buck and now they're smiley bffs. Seriously wtf was all that? Anyway this is all sus bc from what ive seen before in other shows when a main love interest leaves and a new main character replaces them, that means something. JLH replaced Connie Britton as far as big name actress but i really believe Eddie replaced Abby as far as importance in Buck's life. Do i think they brought him in with the intentions of turning him into a LI? No but they sure fueled the narrative from the get go. I think they saw fans reactions and started testing the waters.

Moving on to LIs in this season. We find out Eddie has a kid and the mother is not in the picture (eddie made sure buck knew that right away). Then later on we find out he's technically still married. shannon comes back and we get Eddie finally getting to confront this head on. He tries to get his family back together for the sake of his son. Its big for Eddie's character bc all he does and all he's ever done is for his son. Then Shannon asks for a divorce then she dies bringing this arc to an abrupt end and leaving eddie heartbroken.

meanwhile Buck is still waiting for Abby. Then he finally accepts that shes not coming back and decides to move on. He goes right back to being "Buck 1.0" with Taylor and feels bad about himself because that really isnt him anymore. He wants a real relationship. So then Ali calls and asks him on an actual date and he agrees. This is his first try at a relationship after a heartbreak. in tv these don't usually work out but are used to develop the main character's growth. We don't really see much of her but she breaks up with him so.

S3: This is Eddie finally dealing with his feelings/guilt season. This is also the season I think we really see how important Buck is to the Diaz boys. S2 had cute buckley-diaz family moments but those could still be interpreted as a best friend and his best friend's kid. This season though... after the tsunamic episode was when i really started to fully believe buddie was going canon. This season is solidifying their bond not only as Buck and Eddie but as Buck Eddie and Christpher. As I'm writing this I realized neither of them really has a love interest in this season do they? Ana is introduced but then is clearly presented as definitely NOT the right choice for eddie and especially for Chris. Then they counter that with Buck helping Eddie build a skateboard for Chris that he can use as opposed to Ana's ablest remarks about how he can't do it so just move on to something else. Then we get Buck's reaction in Eddie Begins. Buck has seen his team his friends his family get hurt on the job before but he has never reacted the way he did when it was Eddie in danger. Again solidifying just how much these two mean to each other. Don't even get me started on this season being when Eddie changes his will offscreen. Anyway we get Abby back and Buck finally gets the closure from that relationship that he needs to move forward into a serious relationship.

Now S4: jfc s4....IMO this is the only logical season to get the ball rolling on Buddie and they sure did that with 4x14 despite everything else. So i never thought they would be the first serious relationship for each other after the heart break theyve both experienced. It wouldn't be fair to their character developments. Buck tries dating Veronica and that clearly doesnt work but we know hes now open to dating again. We get Buck Begins where we see why Buck is the dare devil he is. The only way he got his parents attention as a kid was to put himself in danger. They bring back taylor and how to they ultimately get together after she friendzones him? She thinks hes in danger and suddenly wants him. As much as i hate it this is really gonna be a relationship where Buck finally stands up for himself and sees his own worth and realizes he deserves more. He deserves someone who sees him and loves him for who he is. He deserves to be chosen, something Abby Ali his parents dont do and what i think taylor wont end up doing. I feel like shes gonna choose her career over him. Maybe not in a "I'm breaking up with you" way but maybe she takes a new job and want to do LD (hes tried that twice and it didnt work for him. hes not gonna want that) or she could ask him to go with her but he wont. His family is in LA. His job is in LA. Eddie and Chris are in LA and he won't leave them. Then we have Eddie finally deciding to move on and try dating again so they bring back ana. To me it's not gonna work out so I'm not bothered at all lmao. It's interesting that they'd choose her though. Someone we already know Eddie doesn't trust with his son. There's also more buckley-diaz family scenes of them being coparents. The hildy episode, Chris running to Buck when hes mad at eddie, Buck being the one to tell Chris Eddie got hurt, then Buck staying with Chris and taking on the guardian role without him even knowing just how much that role really does belong to him. He didn't do it out of obligation. He didn't do it because he was asked to. He did it because he thought it would be best for Chris. Finally to 4x14. This is by far the biggest "Oh shit this is it. This is the beginning of buddie". We find out Eddie changed his will a year ago and has just been sitting on this info. I think Eddie knew back then what it meant but he wasn't in the right mindset to accept what it means so he kept it to himself. I think he finally started allowing himself to go there during treasure hunt. The man was jealous yall. Carla coming back and her comment about doing whats best for him and not chris is his oh shit moment. I think he wouldve broken up with Ana a few days after that if he had the time lol. He gets caught up in the mother/son sl then this poor mf gets shot by a sniper. The way that whole scene was filmed btw was not in a bff way. That was a lover watching his beloved almost die in front of him. Buck again puts himself down and Eddie decides this is the moment. He needs Buck to see how important he is. He wants buck to know how loved he is. So he sits there talking himself up to it and finally lets Buck know just how big of a part he is in Eddie's family. Buck's previous scene is him saying he wants someone who wants him back then here is Eddie saying he needs him...Chris needs him. wtf.

So with S5: I think Eddie knows and Buck has a feeling but he's not sure so what i would do is spend s5 with Eddie basically showing Buck his feelings but not exactly getting in the way of Buck's new relationship because Buck has to be the one to make that choice. Id also have chris feeling the different shift with buck having a gf like he did with Eddie. This newfound info wasnt just dropped on us for a "Aww so sweet" moment. This will business is gonna be a part of a bigger storyline. I'm hoping its with Eddie's family during maybe 5b.

So what I think would be the best timeline for canon buddie is 5a eddie already having either broken up with ana or is gonna break up with her, Buck choosing himself and ending things with Taylor by midseason finale, them bringing in Eddie's family in 5b and maybe then being when Eddie confesses his feelings for Buck. Then 6a we could get them walking on egg shells around each other not really knowing what to do bc this is all so new for both of them. This could bring just the right amount of comedy and angst especially them awkward and flustered around each other at work. A big blowup can happen between them for added angst (maybe an arguement before one of them or both of them is put in danger) then a midseason finale kiss. Then trying to find the balance between their personal relationship and their work relationship during 6b.

I don't know how long Fox shows last but procedurals can last a long time. I'm not sure thats gonna be the case for 911 especially with all the main cast staying that long so i think this would give us at least a whole season (S7) of canon buddie.

As far as then being presented as straight, there's been more seeds planted about buck being bi. A few i can remember off the top of my head: all of 2x1 lmao, maddie's comment about bucks boy crush on eddie, buck hinting at thinking eddie is cute when he thinks maddie is talking about him, the christmas elf, the comments on the instagram livestream, idk if youve watched it or not but TK's comment to Buck in the crossover episode, and like you mentioned Maddie's casual comment about setting him up with Josh. All we really know about Eddie's love life is he married Shannon when they were young and is trying with Ana so it could turn into a whole storyline for him.

I'm so sorry this is so long and took forever but i I hope i actually answered your question and didnt just get lost in rambles lmao.

#oh god that took me way too long lol #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911onfox #is this meta?#wtf even is that #buddie meta #??#idk

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perpetuelledaydreaming · 4 years ago

Text

Illicit affairs- Chapter 9

summary: the power of a girl after a break up? let me tell you. felicia learns a thing or two about trusting the wrong people and peter just really really wants y/n to be happy.

Listen to: Rolling in the deep- Adele, These boots are made for walkin’ - Nancy Sinatra & Champagne problems- Taylor Swift

word count: 19.7k

series masterlist

You just felt pain.

Pain on your head.

Pain on your arm.

Pain on your back.

Pain on your side.

Pain on your gun-shot wound.

You had been tossed down like a rag doll and fell beside your now destroyed bed. You tried to stand up, but the dizziness was too much, your body didn’t seem to be responding yet, still recovering from Felicia’s attack. However, you could feel the debris and glass shards poking into your skin below you while your head was throbbing from the sheer force of the explosion.

You slipped and came back from darkness; your vision foggy and spots dancing on your eyes while you could hear muffled sounds around you, maybe even an alarm, but you weren’t sure if it was just another effect of the explosion on your hearing. The wind from the broken window ruffling your dress and hair. You barely registered at the beginning but it grew colder as the seconds passed.

And each time you slipped back into darkness you could only see Felicia’s doleful expression as she jumped from the window. You remember her silver hair and how her hands had traced your skin minutes ago but now everything just felt cold, desolate and it just hurt.

You wanted to scream and shout and cry because the girl you had been protecting and maybe even loving for the past few months had crushed your heart into a million pieces, she left you. You didn’t matter. And it felt like if the ice was enveloping you, just wave after wave washing over you, knocking you further into the glass piercing into your skin, the numbness mixing with the pain, and it felt like you were going to drown. It had been your fault, you had let her in despite the warnings, despite everything, and here you were, drowning.

Did you deserve to be there?

And then you felt his warm hands cupping your face.

It seemed urgent but so soft at the same time, and then the smell of cinnamon and honey invaded you, it overwhelmed you and you just knew you had to cling onto him to not drown. Without even reacting to the pain on your side or your face, you managed to take a hold of Peter’s face.

“Can you hear me?” Peter’s voice sounded far away from you, but you could still hear the urgency and fear in his voice. “y/n? Come on, come on”

You tried your best to open your eyes, fluttering them so you could see the boy with the chocolate eyes with golden specks, a constellation of freckles and caramel curls. He had a few cuts on his face, he had dirt all over himself that you assume was from the explosion but he was okay, he was there holding your body tightly as he had you resting on his lap.

Peter sighed with relief as he crawled your body and pushed you against him, holding you as tight as he possibly could. He was so happy that you were okay and he felt like he could finally breathe again when he realized that you were starting to hold him too. Peter looked back at you, as he tried to wipe off the blood from the cut over your eyebrow, already a dark blotch appearing on your temple from the explosion, he shuddered at the image but he was just happy that you were there.

He wanted to cry and kiss you all at the same time, he had lost you so many times (figurately and barely literally a few weeks ago), so when he saw how Felicia was pointing at you with the repulsor, he felt a shiver ran down his back. He had tried so hard to catch you, he had tried with all his force to reach you, to hold you but his fingers just brushed yours as the blast separated you instantly, sending Peter flying backward, literally crushing him against and through one of the walls in your room.

He had to rest a second as his head buzzed from the impact but once the fogginess left his eyes, he just went back in looking for you through your destroyed room and he felt his stomach sinking when he saw you while you laid motionless in front of him. He couldn’t be okay.

Not until you finally reacted to him, not until he saw your y/e/c eyes looking back at him and he held you; you were okay and that’s all that mattered to Peter.

“Peter,” you finally said, your voice had grown up since Peter had met you but right then and there you sounded so young and small. “She escaped, I’m so stupid”

Peter frowned as you felt the hot tears pooling on your eyes, tears began to fall stubbornly down your cheeks as you held Peter tighter. You felt the sobs ripping through your chest, not as hard as the last night with Peter before you escaped New York, but you could feel your chest tearing with each sob that escaped your lips, Peter held you softly and shook his head, almost instantly.

“You are not,” He stated firmly but softly at the same time as he wiped your tears away with his thumb. “You thought someone cared about you and you were so perfect and loving as you are. It’s okay to make mistakes”

“I screwed up so bad,” you repeated, this time mostly to yourself as the burning loathing against yourself began to ease its way to your heart and mind, the helplessness feeling drowning you. “I trusted her”

“I know you did, but you can fault yourself for this y/n,” Peter repeated as he leaned down and pressed his forehead against yours but you shook it off.

You pushed yourself up, Peter helping you as you kneeled next to him, crying and shaking your head, you now just felt rage but you weren’t even aware of who, you or Felicia?

“You told me so many times,” you insisted as you tried to wipe the tears away with your hands, you hissed as you saw the cuts on your body and how they burned because of your tears. You stared at them for a moment and for that slight moment you thought that you deserved them but Peter quickly took your hand in his, he had the same cuts and you realized how much you had hurt him and it only made you angrier. “Peter, what did I do!?” the scream ripped your chest.

It felt almost like an instinct as Peter took you in his arms and lifted you, you had to hold to him to stabilized yourself as you grabbed his shoulders and he pulled you towards him by your hips and back. He quickly cupped your face with one hand while his other one rested on the small of your back, holding you against him.

“Listen to me y/n,” He stated gravelly, his eyes burning you. “It’s okay to screw up, I’ve screwed up a lot of times but I will always have your back, I know I didn’t before but I’m here” he stated and you finally felt the tears slowing down and Peter nodded at you, assuring you it was the truth. “I will always be here”

His words sounded so definitive, the mention of Peter always being on your life, always, caused your body to warm up, like it always felt when you were with him, you felt safe. You sniffled and you nodded back to Peter, pushing him towards you and smiling.

But then you heard steps coming your way and you turned towards where your door was supposed to be to see Harley and the others appearing on the frame of the door, clearly astounded by the destruction, and as you saw how their faces turned, you just knew it looked bad.

“What the hell happened!?” Ned screamed as he looked around with an agitated expression drawn on his face.

Peter turned to tell them but he was still holding you tightly, never letting you and you were thankful for it, the coldness almost disappearing completely when you were by his side. “She left with the repulsor,” Peter stated as you winced at the thought of what they would say.

“Fuuuck,” Flash and Harley stated in unison, the way Harley’s eyes washed with anxiety let you know it was bad, really fucking bad.

“Yeah, now she’s going to give it to Kingpin.” You stated as you tried to wash the remaining tears away as Peter and you moved closer to them but then as you looked around your room, you saw the faint white smoke and something snapped on your mind. “Harley, doesn’t that drip energy once it has been used?” You asked as Ned helped you move from one side of your room to the other, separated by a prominent crack on the floor.

“We can track it” MJ suggested as she looked back at Harley and shook his shoulder. “Don’t you have like multiple Stark Industries Satellites that hacked behind Tony’s back?”

Harley looked back at her as realization dawned on him and he smiled while looking at MJ brightly. “I love that you listen to me,” he gushed, but MJ simply rolled her eyes.

“Move it”

All of you ran to Harley’s bedroom as he quickly got onto his computer and all of you waited by his side. Ned tried to insist that Peter and you should get checked as Harley hacked at least two satellites and triangulated the algorithm to find the specific trace of energy that matched one of the repulsors. But neither, Peter or you wanted to leave Harley’s side, your eyes were glued to the screen as Harley, with the help of MJ and Ned tried to hack the satellites.

You knew that everything was a matter of time, that if you weren’t fast enough the repulsor could become a weapon of mass destruction, even more, if Kingpin realized how to harvest its energy and reproduce it into the thousands of aliens weaponry that he already had. You thought about Felicia and how interested she had been on the small project the day of your attack, you grimaced at the thought of her purple eyes and her lips.

Peter quickly noticed, and he offered you his hand. You took it, as you both then looked back at the computer.

It felt like it took them forever to hack into the system, Peter had tried to intervene but there were too many people already with Harley, MJ, and Ned there. Even more importantly, Peter also realized he had to stay with you, he didn’t exactly know how or why he felt, but now it just seemed like energy pulled you together.

Peter looked at you, all scrapped and with cuts, but with your eyes trained on the prize and he felt the same way he felt when you first met, leaving your lab with your eyes trained in the hologram, determined and brave.

“Here’s the track,” MJ finally said, she had successfully managed to enter the system and placed the trace of energy rather quickly, the map of New York forming before your eyes.

“Where is she?”

“She went to her apartment,” you said as you pointed at the map, knowing the route by heart now. “Probably to change, now she’s going to…”

“Isn’t that?” Betty asked with a frown as she pointed at the trace where Felicia had been located.

“Right next to us?” Harley asked as confused as everyone at the moment seemed.

You watched as the beeping light on the screen, she was close to Grand Central. Grand Central was only a couple of blocks away from Stark Tower, it was a twenty-minute walk and you could be there in no time, you gave a step back as your mind worked on the reason why Felicia would return so close to where she had stolen something.

Felicia wasn’t dumb, she was many things but dumb wasn’t one of them. She knew that the area would be soon surrounded by police and if she wasn’t afraid of you and Peter and had aimed to hurt you and she had succeeded, she would still have to deal with the older Avengers that were still around. Moreover, if she was giving the repulsor away to Kingpin, why she would do it in such a public place?

Had Kingpin forced her to give it there? Was it a power move from him?

But then it dawned on you.

“She’s going to escape,” you whispered, at first to yourself but then to everyone as they turned around and looked at you while they frowned.

“What?”

“She’s going to escape,” you repeated as you stood up from Harley’s bed. “She knows that it’s likely that Kingpin will still kill her, she has been getting too close to me or maybe she knows that everyone would be looking for her. She has to run away after she delivers the repulsor she’s going to go by train. She’s going to Grand Central”

“How can you be sure?” Betty asked silently and Peter’s eyes linked with yours.

You weren’t.

“I think I still know a little bit of her and it’s our best shot right now,” you answered with a shrug while you thought about her, how she had kissed you to distract you, your hands turned into a fist and you shot up from Harley’s room. “Well, we have to hurry”

Peter followed you immediately (although you hadn’t even told him that he had to go with you, but it seemed like a given) while the rest trailed behind you but then Harley walked faster and took your wrist, you hissed for a second from his touch since you were walking with determination towards the terrace of the penthouse, ready to jump with your suit on and go to look for Felicia. There wasn’t really a plan, you just knew you had to get to her before she managed to give the repulsor away, you didn’t know what you were going to do when you saw her but you just had to try.

“Wait, don’t you want to wait for Tony?” Harley asked seriously, he looked confused and scared that the thought of your dad hadn’t crossed your mind and you looked back at him as confused as he was.

“He knows?”

Harley stared at you, agape at your question, he laughed sarcastically as he let go of your hand. “Of course he does, everyone heard the blast!”

“Where is he?” you asked, your eyes trailing back to the elevator worriedly.

“They are trying to evacuate the people inside. He knows there was a blast on the penthouse” Betty stated as she walked next to Harley and in front of you.

Thank god Morgan is Upstate, you thought as you looked at them but you spun on your heels once more.

You knew that this was just wasting your time, that Felicia and Kingpin would do this as fast as possible so no one would be able to catch them, and if you didn’t arrive on time, then it would just be too late.

“I have to go,” you repeated yourself as you watched Peter but before you continued to talk to the terrace, Peter called your name.

“y/n,” Peter’s voice was modulated, he didn’t have the urgency it would normally have when you were about to face a threat as big as this one, there wasn’t any doubt on his voice but you could still sense that he was asking you something. You turned to face Peter, his eyes lingered with yours and you just knew.

“I have to do this Peter,” you stated earnestly. “It’s my responsibility and I’m not going to let my dad clean up a mess that I made. I have to fix it.”

Peter watched you intently for what felt like forever for you until he just nodded and you knew it, you were going to do this together. Before your friends realized it, the nanobots began to surround your skin while Peter began to take off his clothes (much to your friend’s dismay as they turned around) to reveal his suit. You didn’t stop looking at the other, your eyes locked and before your friends blinked, Peter and you were jumping from the terrace of the penthouse and into the night.

You nearly crushed against a building and for mistake nearly swung Peter into a lamppost as he dangled from your suit; you were anxiously trying to get to Grand Central as fast as you possibly could and Peter was keeping up, but you were flying a bit recklessly. It was a silent flight, but the tension was high at the moment, just muttering a small sorry from time to time to Peter, he just stayed as silent as you were, knowing that you were too anxious to plan something at the moment.

“There aren’t many people,” you announced as you finally flew over Grand Central while Peter finally let go of you, as he perched himself in the rafters of the building, while you slowly and quietly landed next to him, your mask retracting from your face as you both looked down through the large glass windows.

You knew that you had to get the civilians out first, even if there weren’t many and then it would be easier to mess up the deal, maybe Felicia would be evacuated with the rest of the civilians and Kingpin wouldn’t dare to come in, knowing that police were going to be there or maybe a couple of Avengers, not that it had stopped him before but you liked believed that he didn’t like the messiness of it all.

“We have to get them out before,” Peter started but he trailed off and turned around, you furrowed your eyebrows and turned towards where Peter was looking.

And then you saw him.

“Wait, isn’t that?”

“Yes”

Peter’s whole body filled with dread as he watched the overly-large, hunkering figure of Kingpin as he climbed down of the large limousine. You felt your throat constrict as he walked over to the entrance of Grand Central with an army of men following him and surrounding the place. You could see his large hands that had rings in every one of his fingers. He was wearing a sharp black suit as he walked inside, and Peter could feel the danger he posed by just being close, instinctively Peter walked closer to you.

You didn’t notice, you were too busy realizing that Kingpin wasn’t alone, you could feel how your hands turned to fists as you saw who was next to Kingpin. Just a few steps behind, the lanky figure in a purple mask and suit, wearing the mechanized gloves and boots, along with another tall man with a beige suit and bony hands that had touched your skin once, a sick grin drawn on his face. Orville Nugent (The Architect) and The Prowler entered the building shortly after Kingpin did and you felt like you had stopped breathing.

“I don’t like this,” Peter whispered, mostly to himself as HAPPY showed you the heat signatures being detected, part of you wished that you would just recognize Felicia’s shape and there wouldn’t be the need of fighting but deep down you knew it was impossible and either way, the sounds of the bullets being fired into the air as they ricocheted on the station erased any thought of a possible easy way out.

The screams of the people on the station seemed to drown the ricochet of the bullets as they laid down on the floor, covering their heads while you felt like your heart had stopped. The screaming, the moaning of a bullet possibly hitting someone, the cries for help, the tears, it seemed overwhelming. You hadn’t experience per se a mission with hostages, at least not this many and it became too real, you began to only hear your breathing as you hyperventilate.

“Everyone, everyone,” The Architect stated loudly as he showed himself from the top of the iconic stairs of the station. “We are not going to take long, but if you don’t want to get shot -or something worse-, you should follow the men silently and keep quiet.” He finished with a grin as Kingpin soldiers started to surround the people and nudged them to move towards the information booth in the center.

It was clear that they wanted them exposed, there weren’t many people, about thirty, since it was already so late at night but you were more than sure that they were using them as bait or as a guarantee to slowdown any attacks coming from the outside.

You turned to see Peter, who seemed like his whole body had shut down as he watched down silently, you could see the slight tapping of anxiety he was doing with his hands and it was beyond obvious that his Spidey senses were going haywire in front of you, you were about to say something, to break through his barrier but you heard her voice.

“Can we get this over with?” Felicia -well, Black Cat- jumped from the edge of one balcony to the main entrance, where Kingpin, The Prowler and The Architect were, surrounded by their guards.

You could feel your blood rushing to your ears and for a second everything you saw was Felicia. Her curves were covered by her sparkling black bodysuit, her confidence, silky hair, full lips, and purple-ish eyes but there was something off with her. The trepidation in every one of her steps and you knew that she was scared. She had that same look on her eyes when she had come to Stark Tower after you had been hurt, you could sense it from a mile away and it made you wonder if you actually knew her.

“Now, now Miss Hardy,” Kingpin said almost quietly, but still his voice boomed all over the station. He shook his head as he locked gazes with Felicia. “What did we said about you playing nice?”

“I just want to end this,” Felicia stated coldly, without hesitation. “Quickly.”

Kingpin sighed from where he stood and he nudged The Architect to go where Felicia was. “You know the drill”, he stated gravely.

Soon, about ten of the armed men surrounded Felicia, pointing their guns at her as she rolled her eyes. They left a small opening from where The Architect passed through and stood in front of Felicia, who was glaring at him. She quickly opened the case and there it was the repulsor.

The Architect sighed happily, which caused you to wrap a hand around Peter’s as both of you leaned closer together to get a better look. The Architect inspected the case and then pulled up a scanning machine over the repulsor, which beeped unceasingly as it passed through, causing a smirk to appear on Kingpin’s face which caused you to shudder.

You knew that smirk, you knew how the air of tension had changed once Kingpin knew that Felicia had brought him what he wanted all along and you felt your stomach dropping. Kingpin was now overly confident and the satisfaction that flashed through those eyes made you want to vomit; this had been part of his plans all along. He knew that you were coming for him and that’s why he had sent The Prowler, he knew that nothing would defeat The Avengers unless it came from the inside. It all flashed through your eyes and you wondered if he had ordered Felicia to get close to you too.

“You’ve done well, Miss Hardy,” Kingpin smiled widely.

“I know,” Felicia replied with an indifference that caused Kingpin to chuckle.

“will you ever come back?” He asked and your heart sunk because you knew exactly what he meant. Felicia was running away as you had predicted. “I could use you for some jobs”

“I won’t be coming back,” Felicia retorted, you could feel the modulation in her voice, she was almost hissing.

“You don’t have to worry about the Avengers,” He asserted causally, “I’ll be done with them and you won’t be in harm’s way.”

Peter felt like throwing up as he quickly gazed back at you, he could see how you were almost hyperventilating, even behind your mask Peter could feel how you were slightly shaking, how your heartbeat was raising and Peter wondered if he should call Tony or the others.

But Felicia spoke again.

“I won’t come back to this place,” she stated coldly as she glared at Kingpin who shrugged.

“Then, it has been lovely to do business with you.” He raised his hand slightly and The Architect tried to snatch the case from Felicia’s hands but before he could, Felicia swiftly kneeled down and passed her legs under Orville, who fell immediately to the ground.

You almost jumped at the way the alarms went off, the men -who were thankfully armed just with usual guns- pointed at Felicia and Orville simply started cursing and glaring at Felicia, which she didn’t mind. She wasn’t looking at the tantrum that he was throwing, which reminded you how awful of an extortionist he must be.

“Not so fast,” Felicia stated as she raised her eyebrows and secure the case behind her, “You owe me something.”

Kingpin didn’t flinch at Felicia’s statement, he looked at her almost indifferent which caused your blood to boil because Felicia was being beyond serious and she could be a real threat, but he was so dismissive of her.

“Oh, yeah,” Kingpin stated, with an almost blank gaze. “Orville, would you mind?” he asked The Architect who was still bickering under his breath. He quickly took from his jacket a paper and a ticket which Felicia easily snatched from his hand and he couldn’t do anything about it as she gave a few steps back and checked it. “If you take the next train, you’ll be right on time”

Felicia stared at the tickets and papers for a second, you saw her shoulders relaxing and there was a slight curve on her plump lips. Kingpin had something that she wanted but you tried to go back to the times that you had shared and you couldn’t think of anything that Felicia would want other than survive. She would’ve escaped with or without Kingpin’s help, she could’ve gotten tickets anywhere but why did she need those exactly? You weren’t sure, but she had done a deal and it was her time to pay her part.

Before you even realized yourself, you raised from the rooftop where you had been with Peter and quickly pointed at the glass over where Felicia was but Peter quickly webbed your hand, throwing you off for a second, you stared back at him as you quickly slay the web from your hand.

“y/n, don’t!”

But you didn’t care at the moment, you turned around and pointed at the glass and fire. The glass fell over the men, some in confusion and some already firing at the ceiling, the people inside and surrounding the information booth were screaming but you could only see Felicia, who had covered herself but when she heard the energy from your suit.

She knew it was you.

She looked at you with widened eyes and a gaping mouth, maybe she thought the blast would hurt you a lot, maybe she thought that you were probably knocked out for longer or that it would be Tony and not you coming here. Some of the men were firing at you but the bullets didn’t bother you anymore, although you were cautious in case you detected another neutralizer, although you had fixed the glitched it still caused you to shudder.

“Hardy, stop,” you stated as you landed in front of Felicia, as men started to surround you and kept firing at you.

“Oh, look who we have here,” Kingpin chuckled as he looked around with a smug smile on his face and then cleared his throat. “Stand down,” he ordered his men and soon the bullets stopped hitting your suit, you looked right at Kingpin who gave you a small nod.

“It’s a pleasure Stark, we’ve been chasing each other like cat and mouse…I, for one-”

“I’m not here to talk to you,” you growled at Kingpin and your gaze returned to Felicia, who still seemed a bit perplexed that you were standing in front of her and that you had dismissed Kingpin so easily.

“What are you doing here?” she asked with such a small voice that Kingpin could barely hear her. She had a slight frown on her face but her eyes flashed with relief and, although you didn’t want to trick yourself, you believed that she was somehow happy that you were okay.

“You don’t need to do this,” you asserted as the nanobots of your helmet disappeared and your eyes locked in with Felicia.

Felicia grimaced as she saw your face, you weren’t exactly sure how you looked since you hadn’t even had time to fix yourself before you had come but by the look on Felicia’s face and the remainder of the thick liquid (which you assumed was blood) going down your face before, it didn’t look good.

“You don’t know anything y/n, stop,” she replied once more, but this time it almost sounded like a hiss and you could see how hot tears were threatening to fall from her eyes as she chuckled slightly, in incredulity that you were there and talking to her.

“Why would you need to do this?” you insisted as you gave a step towards Felicia, which only caused the men to point their guns at you, you glared at them and restrained yourself before you looked back at Felicia, “Talk to me.”

“Hasn’t she told you Stark?”

You looked back at Kingpin, who gave a maliciously smug look in your direction as he chuckled and crossed his arms. You wished you could fire at him right then and there, but you knew it wasn’t the moment. “Miss Hardy here’s doing this for her old man”

You looked back at Felicia as she looked away, the tears were finally falling from her eyes and you realized it was the first time you had ever seen Felicia cried, there was just one time when you had seen her so… blue. Your mind ran back to the day in Coney Island when you had first felt her lips on yours and your mind dug deeper into those memories.

“Why would you,” you trailed off as you realized when you had seen her like that when had her eyes lost the constant light that they had and everything clicked. “You told me he had died”

Felicia wiped her tears as she looked at you, you could see how she was hunched down and it seemed like it hurt her to only talk about her dad, it pained her. You’d never seen her looking as sorrowful as she was at the moment and you shook your head.

“He isn’t dead… yet,” she muttered as she looked at you silently, “Just, letting my dad die in jail isn’t part of my plan y/n.”

The honesty in Felicia’s voice was fulminant, the matter-of-fact tone she had to use was very clear to you. She wasn’t doing this out of some horrible personal gain that was vapid, which was something that you had feared a little bit. She hadn’t hurt you out of something superfluous but she had done what she had believed she had to do to save her family. But you simply stayed quiet, blinking slightly as you processed everything but then anger began to bubble up on your chest.

“I could’ve got him out,” you whispered at Felicia and you gave a step back, “I could’ve done something you…you asshole!” you snapped at Felicia, with the anger dripping from your voice.

You’d like to think that there was a mutual understanding between you and Felicia, ever since you had agreed that you would talk to her, you thought that there was trust between the two of you. You’d follow her blindly for months, you’d been so in awe at her that you thought that being on each other’s orbits for so long, getting to know each other, would’ve made her able to tell you what was happening.

Felicia blinked at your words and Kingpin too, almost everyone’s moth gaped at your statement and a few raised their eyebrows at your blowup. “Didn’t expect that kind of language coming from you, Miss Stark”

“Are you kidding me?” you yelled at Felicia, ignoring Kingpin completely as you glared at her but now, Felicia was fuming too.

“No, you are kidding yourself!” Felicia barked back at you, stepping towards you. It seemed like she had forgotten where you were, it seemed a fight between… people that were something more, “You are the type of people who would put him there in the first place!”

You scoffed at her statement while rolling your eyes at her, “I spent months lying for you, could you be any more clueless?”

“Don’t act like you would’ve done something, you are a freaking Avenger!” Felicia fumed, now trying to tower over you. She was breathing heavily, her eyes red and angry. You glared back at her defiantly as if facing her would change her mind, would change the course of how things had turned.

“I would’ve done something if you had asked me to! It didn’t matter if I was an Avenger,” you yelled at her, feeling hot and wound up, your hands were shaking and you realized how angry you were at her for ruining any possibility for a kind of honest relationship.

And then she said it.

“Liar!”

And it felt like something broke inside of you, your angry dialed down for a second you stiffened at Felicia’s words and you felt the knot on your throat that you’d always felt in moments like this but you pushed through it.

“Don’t call me a liar Felicia, not after you have been tricking me and betraying me for months now,” you stated gravelly, but you knew your voice had wobbled at the end as you tried to drown the urge to cry once more, “Even after you shot me…how dare you?”

Felicia looked at you with a gaped mouth and then there was just shame. The downward gaze, the wince at the thought of what she had done, and the trembling chin.

“y/n…” she started as she looked back with tears, “I didn’t fire directly towards you, just close enough so you could back out! I did car-”

“You didn’t, not really. Not like I cared about you,” you replied as you shook your head and looked quietly at the girl with purple-ish eyes, silver hair, and cotton candy smell that you’d cared for.

You realized that you’d tried so much to be someone for her, you’d tried to be there for her and you’d fallen for her, even if it wasn’t as hard or as bad, you did love her in some way that you’d never experience yourself and the pain returned on your chest.

“Not that it matters now,” you said quietly as you looked at her.

Now you were both crying, sorrow drawn on both of your faces and for the first time in your conversation, it dawned on you that you weren’t alone.

“Indeed, Stark,” Kingpin said interrupting you, once again with a grin. “Not that it matters now.”

“Right,” you said between your teeth and cleared your throat as you looked away from Felicia and towards the hunkering figure standing a couple of meters away from you.

“Now, if you excuse me, I would like to go home early today” Kingpin said apathetic, as he ordered one The Architect with a swift movement from his large hand to get the case from Felicia’s hands, but before Orville could give another step you interrupted him.

“Yeah, that’s not going to work” you answer as the nanobots began to cover your face.

There was a shift in the air, the moon was hovering over you brightly and it seemed like everything had quiet down, the tension grew as the seconds passed and no one dared to move but everyone seemed prepared, Felicia and you taking defensive stands as the men began to point at you again. Even Kingpin's hands turned into large fists as he stared at you, and now you realized how frustrated he was and the glare he had on you.

Kingpin wanted you dead and there wasn’t any turning back.

And then, you heard a slight Twhip! sound of one of Peter’s webs before you realized what he had targeted. Every single person inside the building looking from where it came from and before you could blink, the case was snatched from Felicia’s hands into the ceiling. Everyone followed the case to where Peter was, hanging from a web, as the case reached him.

“I hate interrupting a good convo, but I think the meeting’s over,” Peter pointed out from his place on the ceiling as the men gaped at the presence of him, but Kingpin nostrils flared up as he looked at Peter with fury.

Peter didn’t need to say anything, without hesitation, you pointed your hands in front of you and blasted them with all the energy that you could reach. Felicia easily ducked your shot, but it hit a few men and The Architect then The Prowler, and then Kingpin, who were sent backward against the main entrance of Grand Central.

The bullets started to be fire at you and Peter, but you quickly activated the small missiles that immobilize a few men, who quickly fell on the floor with a groan, as you kept firing at the ones that were coming after you while Peter was trying to avoid the bullets as swiftly and rapidly as he could.

“Peter, we need to get the civilians out,” you stated as you quickly took a guy by the neck as threw him against more men that were firing at you. “And get out as soon as possible with that case.”

“On it!”

Peter began to swing his way towards the Information booth, case in hand and avoiding the few bullets that the men tried to fire at him before you knocked them unconscious with a blast or throwing them away with your own hands or shocking them with electricity, anything before a bullet could reach Peter. You tried your best to keep up with them, but you weren’t sure how many there were, they just kept coming after you and you weren’t catching anything about Kingpin, the Prowler, or the Architect and then you heard Peter’s groan.

Peter managed to reach the booth, flipping backward and taking the men that were surrounding the people who were trying to cover themselves from the bullets. Peter was sure he could lead them to one of the sides exits without harm as you kept avoiding men firing at him since they were focused on you but before he could say anything, he fell from his web and landed on his side, harsh, his head foggy from the impact on the marble beige floors and he looked up to see Felicia landing next to him as she tried to snatch the case from his hand.

“Not in the mood for games, Spidey,” Felicia hissed but Peter didn’t care.

“Me neither, Kitty,” Peter growled as he kneed her in the gut and rolled backward, sending Felicia away from him, her claws leaving marks on the case.

Peter quickly looked back at you, while you sighed in relief as you continue to fire at the men and gave him a nod. You flew from your point and directed the men to chase you, the opposite way from where the information booth was. It wasn’t a great move because you were now against sword and wall, but you didn’t care as you started to see how Peter was sending people towards another exit while he tried to block any upcoming bullets that could harm them.

But then, Felicia came back again.

Peter could hear the screams of the people and his Spidey senses went off, he ducked Felicia’s kick for a second but not her hand, she quickly got him by the neck and threw him against the floor. More people seemed to run away as Felicia and Peter struggled with the case, but then Peter shot his web towards her eyes and Felicia growled as she tried to take it off. Peter kicked her off him, which sent her stumbling backward as Peter shot a web to the ceiling and rose from the floor, he quickly swayed and with all his force and tried to kick Felicia once more, hoping it would be it but before Peter realized, Felicia jumped and climbed on his same web, quickly cutting it off and holding into the case.

Both landed on the marble with a loud thud, breathing heavily and glaring at the other. Although this time, Felicia’s hand was the one on the case, she groaned as she tried to get up but before she could, you were firing at her from afar. You were almost done with the men that were still going after you but there were a few now, most of them on the floor, causing the beige floor to disappear thanks to the bodies that laid on them.

You had turned towards the information booth after the thud, and you realized that the people were gone from there.

“HAPPY, they are out?” you asked your AI as you looked at Felicia trying to stand up.

“Yes, Miss Stark, and ” your AI stated calmly and before he could say something else, you were firing at her.

It wasn’t like you were exactly pointing at her, you couldn’t. It didn’t matter exactly what she had done and the resentment that you were feeling, there was no way that you could hurt Felicia. You tried to fire at crucial points that could make her disoriented enough for Peter to lose her, which was your goal.

Peter quickly stood up and webbed Felicia’s foot to the floor, causing her to fall on the ground once more and to duck one of your shots close to her. She turned around to break the web but before she could, Peter shot another web towards the case and pulled it back towards him.

“y/n, we need to go, it’s done” Peter insisted as he shot a web and pulled himself towards the ceiling, he crawled to the hole that you had made to enter Grand Central in the first place.

“You have the case?” you asked him, breathing heavily as your eyes went to look for where Peter was.

“I got it, y/n come on it’s dangerous,” Peter insisted as you finally realized where he was, you sighed as relief washed over your body.

Peter was okay, he had fought against Felicia and he was okay, he wasn’t knocked out or shot, he was right there in front of you. People were out, Peter was saved and the mission was done, it caused you to smile.

“Let’s- AHHH!”

Peter’s heart stopped as he gazed back at where you were flying but you weren’t there anymore. You were being thrown like a rag doll by The Prowler. Your body crashed against the marble main stairs and you fell, landing on the ground, breaking the marble with a loud crashing sound.

“Y/N!” Peter cried from where he was and he shot another web, going down to where you were but before he could reach you, Felicia tackled him into the opposite side from you.

He was away from you and you felt it.

Saying that you were slightly foggy at the moment was an understatement. Your head was throbbing as each second passed and you were holding the place where you had been shot instinctively, you weren’t sure if the internal stitches were breaking but something didn’t feel right.

But then you opened your eyes and you turned your head towards where the slight sound was coming from, although it seemed so far away because of the impact. You saw Peter and Felicia, he was fighting her off with all his force, you could tell because you knew by heart how he used his webs when he was trying to immobilize people so he could go away, because you saw the urgency in his movements but he wasn’t doing much better, Felicia was counterattacking at the same pace. But then his gaze fell back to yours, even with masks, you knew he was looking at you and in which way.

It sent a shiver down your spine.

You didn’t want to be this, you weren’t done yet, you weren’t the one who needed saving. You had spent so much time admiring the people who you believed were fearless; Tony, Charlie, Pepper, Felicia that you hadn’t even realized that you could be fearless.

Just as Peter saw you, and it fueled you.

You screamed as you tried to stand up, ignoring the pain as you quickly fired at Felicia and then turned as you heard The Prowler’s characteristic energetic sound next to you, before he could attack you, you shot him with a continuous ray.

“Can’t you just fuck off?” you screamed, as you continue to tirelessly fire at him with your repulsors and elevating yourself a bit. Even though you knew you were reaching half of the energy on the suit, you didn’t care, it was throwing him off his game.

But then you stopped and The Prowler took advantage. He jumped up, grabbing you quickly by the throat and bringing you back down to the ground, he threw you, causing you to groan as you rolled over just in time for his gauntlets to barely miss you as he pierced the ground.

Standing back up, your reflexes reacted before you could as you caught his hand between yours, as he tried to punch you again with the electricity, gasping in awe that you were able to catch it and hold it long enough for him to snarl at you as he tried to recover his hand. Having his gauntlet so close made you realized for the first time how energy-based his suit was, you hadn’t even really thought about it and something clicked on your mind.

But before you could say anything to Peter, The Prowler grabbed you by the neck with his other hand as he raised you from where you were standing.

“Say goodbye, Stark”

It was the first time you had heard The Prowler’s robotic voice and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. Granted, he didn’t even give you much time to think as he squeezed your neck tighter and you started to feel how the nanobots were being crushed as well.

Peter barely ducked another one of Felicia’s kicks when his Spidey senses started to go off, which he considered strange given that he was already in a battle. But then he looked back at you, in the air, trying to take off The Prowler’s hands from you as the nanobots from your helmet wore off so you could breathe, but you were already turning purple.

“Y/N!” Peter screamed but Felicia threw him on the ground, he closed his eye, ready to receive another punch but there wasn’t anything. Peter opened his eyes to see that Felicia had disappeared and he turned to see how she was running towards you and The Prowler.

And he was in shock.

Felicia, without hesitation on her step, flew up into the air and with her two legs, kicked The Prowler on the chest. Effectively removing his hold on your neck and sending him stumbling backward before she landed next to you and turned over your body.

“y/n, are you okay?” Felicia’s voice seemed wobbly as she gazed at you caringly. “Breath, please” she pleaded with her trembling lips, her fingers trailing your cheek.

You took a deep breath and soon, you were coughing as you tried to raise from your place as Felicia helped you stand up, your eyes locked with Felicia’s and she simply smirked.

“What are you doing?” you croaked as you tried to clear your throat, it was sore but it was okay enough for you to talk to Felicia.

Felicia shrugged slightly as she fixed her hair and wipe out some of the dirt from her face, it was so weird that Felicia wasn’t as pristine as she always looked in a fight, she usually avoided any type of real damage because of how good she was. But you could see it in her eyes, how she was trying to avoid your gaze, how she was somehow regretful of what she had done.

“I told you I was going to be on the right team,” she answered, her voice small, knowing that you were caught off guard from her sudden change of heart but Peter didn’t even give you time to think about it.

Peter crashed against your body as he ran towards you, he cupped your face removing some strands of your hair and looked into your eyes frantically, and engulfed you in his arms. The redness on your face was dialing down but the previous cut you’d had on your eyebrow was starting to bleed again, now dripping down your neck. He could see the redness on your eyes and he knew well enough that if Felicia hadn’t had a change of heart, you might’ve been hurt.

“Peter,” you gasped as you took his hands off your face and laced his fingers with yours, squeezing your hold on him, assuring you that you were fine.

“I’m here, I’m right here,” Peter’s words stumbled against one another as he tried to keep checking on you, he could see the red blotches around your neck, he caressed them slightly, already turning a dark purple that was tainting your skin.

He quickly cradled the back of your head with one hand and wrapped his arm tightly around your waist with the other, pulling you into him in a breath. His heart was pounding in his chest, you could feel it and you’d like to think that you were on the same beat.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Felicia cleared her throat as Peter and you pulled away to see what she was talking about, while she rolled her neck, prepping. “We’ve got company”

You turned to where Felicia was looking, The Prowler standing up and recharging his gauntlets with a swift movement of his arms as he walked towards the three of you, a menacing aura around him as all of you gave a step back.

“Peter, you still have taser webs?” you asked softly as The Prowler came closer to you, the nanobots covering your face again.

“Yeah, why?” Peter answered as he took a hold of your hand with his free one, and held the case closer to him.

“Shoot him when I tell you and let me know when it hurts,” you said calmly as you quickly snatch the case away from Peter and ran the opposite way, Peter turned around and started to the web The Prowler up, who was trying to catch Peter, as he swung from his place next to Felicia and tried to drive him away from you.

“What about me!?” Felicia whined but you weren’t paying attention to her, but the repulsor in front of you. She sighed, annoyed at your demeanor but her attention was caught by the few Kingpin soldiers that were still around, the bullets were raining towards you but Felicia stretched her arms and with one swift movement her claws appeared and she started to take them down one by one.

You quickly took the gauntlet and the nanobots from one of your hands disappeared, so you could place it on. The waves of energy that you remember going through your body seemed a bit destabilize than the last time you had used it, maybe because Felicia had used it prior -although on a smaller scale- but you knew it you fire at the right scare, the repercussions of the blast would be bigger. Harley and Tony had been working on stabilizing the energy and you hoped that it had worked as you stood up and pointed at The Prowler.

“Spidey, now!”

Peter gave a swift backflip and landed next to you, The Prowler jumping in the air to attack him but Peter managed to shot a taser web on his chest before you fired at The Prowlers’ chest and to the web. The sheer amount of energy coming from your hand started to send your body backward but you buried your hills into the marble, trying to stop you from missing balance as you saw a bright light surrounding The Prowler who seemed frozen in time as the waves of electricity shocked him.

All the energy from the repulsor was focusing on the webs and the Prowler himself but also, it started to reach Peter. Peter’s arms were shaking as he tried to stand his ground next to you, but he was starting to feel the residual energy coming from the blast, his legs shaky. He wasn’t hurt per se but he was starting to feel how his web-shooters were growing hot, sparkles coming from them, and then his whole wrist started to tickle which then simply started to burn. And then you felt it too, you weren’t sure if it was properly calibrated for how long you’d been using it, maybe Harley and Tony weren’t thinking that it would have such a prolonged use and now you were feeling the consequences as sparkles started to appear on your hand too.

“AAAAHHH!” Peter screamed as you started to see smoke coming from the web-shooters and The Prowler itself, you quickly stopped the beam and saw how The Prowler fell and landed on his knees, smoke coming from his whole body but the purple energy of his suit seemed to be gone, then he fell onto the ground face first.

You walked slowly towards The Prowler, there were still sparks and small lightings surrounding his body, causing him to spam once in a while, but other than that he was out. You turned surprised, you and Peter had done it, you had glitched his program with the energy from the repulsor but then you saw Peter on the ground, breathing heavily as he tried to take off the smoking web shooters on his hands.

“You had to tell me if it hurt!” you reproached him as you kneeled in front of him, to check if he was fine. There were a few marks on his wrist, they were red, some already white, and with a bit of blood. Before Peter could say anything, you sprayed him with your free hand some of the regenerating liquid that you had installed on your suit since your incident.

“It’s okay,” Peter muttered as he looked up at you slowly as you took his hand on yours, cradling it for a bit. If you could only take off your masks, you thought to yourself as Peter squeeze your hand in his. “I feel better now,” he added softly as he reached for one of his web-shooters but you held one of his hands and then Peter felt his heart pounding on his chest, as well as yours.

You shuddered as you realized how you were holding onto him for dear life, you weren’t sure what it meant yet but there was something that had shifted.

You wanted to say something, anything to him but before you could, Peter quickly pulled you to his right, effectively dropping you to the floor before he fired a web towards one of the remaining men who were pointing at you from behind.

Peter took his other web shooter and raised it from the floor. “We’ll talk later, I’m fine!” Peter yelled as he swung his way towards where the men were standing with their guns, kicked them in the chest, and quickly broke the machine guns they had on their hands.

You shook your head with a smile but then your eyes landed on Felicia, as she swiftly slid on the ground under one of the men before she hit him on his balls, the man quickly bent over from the pain which allowed Felicia to use him as a base to throw herself towards another man, she wrapped her legs around his neck with so much force and swiftness that it took the man by surprise and she quickly threw him to the ground next to you.

She looked towards you and shrugged, as she saw you watching the unconscious man.

“What?” She asked as she walked towards you with a cat-like-grin, smugness dripping from it.

“Nothing,” you grumbled as you took of the repulsor from your hand, not wanting to make any mistakes with it, and quickly locked it in the case as Felicia stood behind you.

“I told you that I was going with the team that-” Felicia said but you quickly cut her off before she could say anything else as you fired towards a couple of the men that wanted to fire at you from the iconic (now destroyed) stairs.

“Yeah, the one that was going to help you survive, got it” you grumbled as you walked away from her and you kept blasting some of the men who had managed to dodge your shots.

“No, y/n,” She said as she took your hand and pulled you towards her, making you turn around and look at her. Felicia looked at you seriously, almost as if was looking at your eyes through the mask. “You are my team”

You felt your heart twisting on your chest, it lingered for a moment and you felt a jolt cursing to your body at the thought of Felicia feeling something about you. It was dizzying and confusing, the way she pushed you but pulled back and it hurt because you didn’t know if she was honest. But it didn’t matter much at the moment as you felt a blast of energy on your back, sending Felicia and you flying away, you landed meters away and the purple energy stopped, you turned to see Kingpin firing you from the stairs, coming for the case that was close to you.

His rigid cords in his neck, his bulging bestial eyes, red face, and clenched jaw; letting you know that he was beyond angry and you felt his fury from where you were standing. Kingpin until now had remained somehow calmed, but now it was a different story.

His movements seemed chaotic as he tried to recharge the weapon on his hands while climbing down the destroyed stairs, towards you. His usually sharp suit seemed in disarray and tainted some of the blood that was falling from his nose from the blast you had fired at him but he didn’t sustain any other injuries, most importantly his eyes were wide-open, a storm of rage in them, he seemed overall unhinged.

Which was never a good sign on someone who was firing at you with an alien weapon.

Before you could push Felicia away, he fired the purple beam again, which you had become used to by now and the nanobots quickly created a shield that you placed forward with your forearm. Felicia behind you as you tried to shield her as best as you could from the energy, knowing it was very likely that she could be exposed to the energy and have highly damaging burns on her skin.

Peter finished with, what he thought, was the last of the soldiers from Kingpin as he quickly webbed his hand into the wall and then punched him in the face for good measure. Then he felt his spidey senses go off, he saw how Kingpin recharged the alien gun and then quickly fired at you before he could even scream your name again. It seemed almost automatic how Peter fired one of his webs to the roof and swung with no problem towards where Kingpin was, he quickly webbed the gun and pulled it from Kingpin’s grasp, as he quickly taped it to the roof.

“No, sorry” Peter yelled as he swung towards Kingpin, who was trying to search for Peter as he turned around and Peter quickly kicked him in the face. “That’s cheating,”

Kingpin had this angered look as Peter landed next to you, helping both Felicia and you stand up, and then he started to walk towards you. You watched him and felt the anger filling your body, you had been so afraid of Kingpin, of how calculated he was, how cold and simply maliciously he acted. But now, as you watched him get closer and closer to you, you realized that he might not be as invincible as you’d thought he was.

You began to fire your repulsors against him, nonetheless, with the lack of energy from your suit, HAPPY was doing its best to reserve the energy that you had left. Therefore, Kingpin wasn’t falling back, he could withstand the shots that were hitting him and you swallowed hard as you realized that it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Fire at him with the repulsor!” Felicia shriek as she gave a few steps back while Kingpin got closer.

“I can’t!” you replied giving a few steps back while your eyes still lingered with Kingpin’s who was grinning devilishly at you. “It’s not calibrated, it can explode and kill us all.”

“We need to go hand in hand with him,” Peter said as he took your hand and pulled you back, he quickly took the case and threw it against one column, webbing it tightly and high enough for no one to reach it except for him.

“What!?” Felicia and you yelped at the same time while looking at Peter.

“If we do it together, we can defeat him. All of us,” Peter said as he turned to see Felicia, who was already in a defense position.

She swallowed hard as she looked at both of you with a bit of incredulity dripping from her eyes. “Just try to stay away from the fists,” she muttered before you turn to fire and him once more with the repulsor and Felicia ran towards Kingpin and Peter started to swing towards him.

You weren’t able to see much of what Felicia and Peter were doing, as your beams shined so bright towards Kingpin that you had to look back. You just saw her hair and Peter jumping from side to side, it seemed like a gymnastics show for Peter, both (Felicia and him) trying to avoid Kingpin’s larger-than-life fists. She kicked him in the chest, Peter in the face, and then Felicia gave one blow to one leg causing him to bow down for one second.

But then your normal repulsors went out, the bright light stopped coming from your hands and it was the chance that Kingpin was waiting. Before Peter could react, he saw how Kingpin took with just one hand Felicia’s leg and flung her into the air, her body bouncing against one column of the station and then falling into the ground.

He had flickered her like a fly.

“Hardy!” you screamed as Felicia groaned on the floor, struggling to stand up.

Peter tried to swing one more time to take another hit at Kingpin so you could check on Felicia, but before he reached Kingpin, something broke his web, Peter managed to land on the floor without much trouble but he looked up into the stairs to see The Architect. He was bloody, rage making his whole body vibrate and clearly disturbed as he held a rifle that he probably took from the injured soldiers and pointed it at Peter.

“That’s for how you left me at the club, you insect!” he yelled as he started to fire again and Peter avoided the bullets skillfully, but it was raft after raft and he knew he couldn’t bring that to you or Felicia, so he decided to deal with it.

You had heard The Architect screaming but you tried not to mind it as you shook Felicia’s shoulder, trying to wake her up from her foggy state.

“Are you okay?” you asked her as you cupped her face in your hand, Felicia wasn’t completely there but she nodded slowly. You sighed in relief and let out a small laugh, Felicia smiled at you too.

Felicia’s smile froze time for a moment, it was simple, it wasn’t meant to be more and you knew it but there was complicity between you two and you felt it. It was weird, loving-and-hating someone in such a small amount of times, it was a rollercoaster, unpredictable, the longing stares, the highs, and the lows. It was Felicia.

And then there was a strong grip on the back of your neck.

You let go of Felicia as you flipped over with the rockets on your feet and landed in front of Kingpin. Without any thought, you quickly threw a jab to his jaw, which clearly hurt as you heard the frustrated scream. Then, you tried to shoot your repulsors but before you were able to fire them at him, he grabbed both of your hands with his large fists, and then you felt the pressure, then the pain, the small crack of the nanobots, and then from your hand as he crushed them underneath his own.

“STOP!” You screamed with pain tinted all over your voice but then he sucked in a breath, reared back, and then head-butted you as hard as he possibly could.

It hurt, you saw the red lights on the screen of your suit as you stumbled back and fell to the ground, you were pretty sure that you had more than one concussion. You tried to stand up but Kingpin threw an uppercut towards you that you couldn’t dodge, sending you flying once more into the ground. You groaned on the floor, your knees buckled and fell forward, you could feel the taste of the blood coming from your nose into your mouth. You were aware that Kingpin was vicious but it was becoming too much, he was way too focus on you, on killing you.

“You have cost me enough, Miss Stark,” Kingpin spat as he got closer to you, his voice ricocheted on the walls and you tried to move, somewhere anywhere away from him. But he reached you once more, you felt another blow to your ribs now and then it smashed into the ground, you groaned as you rolled into your back and coughed. Alarms on your suit were going off and now you were more than disoriented.

Your whole body hurt and you were feeling exhausted. All the pain, the anxiety, the anger, the frustration- everything seemed to be coming down on you at once, and it was drowning you. It was useless now, you could feel the pain and the weight of so many injuries you had sustained that same day, you could feel the thick wetness of your blood on the side of your head, the incessant pain from your gunshot injury, and the general pain coursing through your body. You tried to crawl your way away from Kingpin but before you could, he grabbed you from your arm and hip, he raised your body, picked you up easily, and then threw you once more against a wall.

Your body was smashed against the marble once more and the pain almost became unbearable, your helmet filling up with blood as you spit it out. The nanobots quickly disappeared from your face as you coughed out blood that fell into the white marble as you looked back to Kingpin.

“The Avengers will drop one by one,” he roared, stepping over you and lifting you up by the neck. You struggled, your hands trying to take off Kingpin’s hold on you but now it seemed hopeless as he held you high. “This end, this little game of yours ends now.”

You watched the statistics on your screen, knowing that you still have somethings left to use but you weren’t sure if they would work. You looked back at Peter, trying to find him, you saw the black and red colors moving near the stairs, the gunshots sounded far away and the overwhelming need to cry flooded your body.

It dawned on you, that maybe it was the last time you would ever see him, the last time you would ever see his chocolate eyes and caramel curls, his galaxy of freckles, his scent of cinnamon and honey, you realized that it was all you wanted if it was your last moment. There was almost a primal instinct of reaching towards him, you raised your hand and tried to reach to where Peter was, but Kingpin realized it.

A malicious grin appeared on his face. “You’re weak, what even made you think that you could defeat me?”

Your eyes locked with Kingpin’s and anger fill your body, you weren’t sure if you were shaking because of the pain or because of the rage that you felt by seeing his shit-eating-grin. You had tried to prove a point for so long, you had tried to protect The Avengers, your family, and in doing so, the rest of the world. If you had to die for Kingpin to be caught so be it, for a second you weren’t afraid anymore, anger and calm washed over you. There was no point denying the inevitable, you felt calm and collected

“You’ll never win, you’ll end up in jail as all the others,” you spoke up softly as the hold on your neck became tighter and tighter. You could hear the slight crack of the already damaged nanobots thanks to The Prowler's previous hold.

Kingpin chuckled to himself as he looked at you. “I guess you won’t be there to see it,” he answered maliciously and you felt the grip breaking completely the nanobots on your neck.

You didn’t know if it was peace washing over you or the lack of oxygen because of Kingpin’s grip on your neck, but you close your eyes and took a deep breath. You felt content, death wasn’t scary and you knew it, what just bothered you at the end, was that you had to go without Peter holding you.

Goodbye Peter, you thought to yourself.

“Leave her alone!” you heard Felicia’s silvery voice as she roared, Kingpin turned around and you opened your eyes to see a flash of silver hair and a black suit, squaring Kingpin right on the face and slashing his face with her claws. He stumbled by the sheer force of the attack, the deep cuts she had made on his skin and he let go of you in the process, you fell into the ground, coughing as you tried to get as much air in your lungs as you possibly could.

Felicia’s claws seemed more pronounced than ever, you could see the strength on her kicks and hooks, how she flipped and roll in the ground as she ended with Kingpin, as she turned around you could see the fire in her eyes, the sheer anger she was feeling from what she had believed were your last moments. There wasn’t any hesitation on her steps as she kicked and flipped, Kingpin now with multiple scratches on his hands and suit, the most pronounced ones were three nasty cuts that were bleeding all over his face.

She was defending you.

“HAPPY, you have some of the regenerate spray left?” you groaned as you leaned into one of the closer columns before you were pouring some of the liquid in the cuts on your face as you tried to stand up on your wobbly legs so that maybe you could help Felicia, but as you did, you heard her yelping.

You raised your eyes to see how Kingpin grabbed Felicia by the neck as he was dodging some of her moves and he flung her again across the station. It wasn’t as hard as before and somehow Felicia managed, like a cat, to land on her feet.

Felicia hissed at Kingpin and started to run towards him to end what she had started, a slight frown on her face and narrowed eyes. But before she could reach him, Kingpin took from his blazer a small gun, one that you hadn’t detected, it was a usual one but Felicia didn’t have time to react completely. The gunshot ricocheted all over the station, along with Felicia’s shriek as she fell to the ground, grabbing her side.

“No, no, no,” you mumbled as you tried to walk towards Felicia as fast as you could, but Kingpin heard you, he turned around to watch your desperation, and he grinned. He quickly recharged his weapon and before you reached Felicia, you heard his ominous voice.

“Say goodbye to Miss Hardy, Stark.” Kingpin said before he fired again.

“NO!”

The gunshot sound left a ring on your ear, you didn’t know if it was because you were too close or because you were in a state of shock. There was a flash of red and black passing in front of Felicia, and then the thud of a body falling into the floor close to her.

There was no screaming coming from Peter, he simply fell to the floor as he let go of the web while he held his chest. He was lying motionless in front of you and your body felt rigid as you fell to your knees, you crawled over to him, tears already streaming down your face as you pulled his mask off and you nearly screamed as you picked him up into your arms, you felt your chest shaking as you felt like your mind couldn’t fucking grasp what you were seeing.

“Peter, no, oh god, no, no, no,” You muttered to yourself, it was almost incomprehensible as you looked at Peter, who had his eyes closed for a second. “Not you, not you, Peter, come on”

You tried to shake him, scrambling towards him and pulling him onto your lap as tears streamed down your face without an inch of self-control. Your hands were shaking as you stared at Peter, as you caressed his face and you started seeing the blood coming from his chest, tainting the red and black suit. There were two bullet holes on his suit, Peter was bleeding out in front of you and you tried your best to remain calm but you were almost shaking uncontrollably.

But then Peter grasped your hands softly, he was so patiently trying to calm you down by holding you tightly that you couldn’t even believe it. His eyes fluttered open and you could see hot-tears threatening to fall from his eyes as they locked with yours.

He will always be there, you thought to yourself as you recalled what he had said before this mess.

The way your chest felt like it had a grown a dark hole was something that you’d never thought you had experienced. You’d never, and truly never felt such despair, ever. You felt your mind going haywire as you saw how blood started to expand on Peter’s chest, your shaky hands tried to somehow cover the blood, it was irrational how you tried to stop the bleeding, but you quickly sprayed the regenerative cradled liquid that you had left, you were hoping it was enough, you were praying it was enough. You were erratic as you tried to spray more and more from the liquid, knowing that it maybe wouldn’t be enough.

“Peter?” you whispered, pressing your lips to his ear as you curled up around him. You began to move back and forth, as the tears started to taint Peter’s face too, you pressed your forehead to him as you held him tighter. “Not like this, not like this,” you sobbed out.

You were clinging onto him and he was doing the same, he was your center of gravity and you were his.

You could feel Peter’s eyelashes against your skin, you raised your head as you looked into him deeply. Eyes locking like the first time you’d met all those years ago, on a sunny afternoon in the lab. Where somehow Peter deeply knew that you were destined to be together, that you were his sunshine, his reason, his everything, he had doubted it for so long that he now felt stupid.

He realized now, as he was feeling somehow how the life was draining for him, as he felt his own blood pouring out of your body, that it was obvious that you were meant to be. He had been so stupid for letting you go, for not telling you how he felt when he could, for wasting time on others that were clearly not the right choice for the other. He wished that he had kissed you more that night, he wished that you would’ve to fight less, he wished that you would’ve spent more time together, he wished time.

But he didn’t seem to have more.

You didn’t know it was even possible for someone to convey so much love into one gaze, but Peter didn’t have to talk for you to know what he was saying. You understood completely because you knew Peter like the back of your hand because he was your center, he was gravity and everything pulled you back to him. It would be foolish to think that you could somehow avoid it, your feelings and now you felt so stupid for doing so. He had hurt you so much and you had decided to be hurt for so long, that it all now seemed stupid.

You knew what he meant, and you hoped he knew what you meant.

But Peter knew that if he didn’t say it know if he didn’t really speak then it would be left as a secret on his soul, he didn’t want that.

He didn’t want to die before you knew before you truly knew.

“It’s,” Peter started to mumble, but he coughed some blood. You tried to hush him but he shook his head softly as you cupped his cheek. “It’s you, it has always been you,”

A loud sob broke your chest and you were shaking uncontrollably, you were sure you heard how the black hole of despair was widening as you heard his words. You tried to hold onto him for dear life, you felt like you were going to drown in sorrow, how could you ever live in a world without Peter Parker?

“Don’t leave me, Peter,” you whispered as you pressed your forehead against him, your tears mixing with Peter’s as he shivered at your touch. “You were mine too,” the sob broke you as you cried along with Peter, who then closed his eyes.

It dawned on you that it was the last time you were going to be with Peter and you simply screamed at the sky, the cry ripped your chest and it even felt like it ripped the moon, as you felt like you were going to pass out as the sobs started to come out of you shamelessly. The cries were so raw and torn, they seemed to tear you open as you pulled Peter closer, realizing that you couldn’t live in a world without Peter Parker.

“I’m sorry,” you heard Felicia whispering, tears streaming down her eyes as well as she got closer to you, you raised your eyes to see how she was bleeding a bit, she had been grazed by the first bullet but she hadn’t been shot.

And then you heard the deep laugh coming from far away, you turned to see Kingpin’s satisfied expression as he watched the three of you on the floor.

“This is where I leave you,” Kingpin said before he tried to somehow clean his suit and then started to walk towards where the case was, taking the gun in his hand, he seemed ready to grab the case by shooting at the web.

And then your heart broke because this wasn’t the way it would end. This wasn’t it; Peter couldn’t die and Kingpin couldn’t win.

Although Peter seemed unconscious, you could still listen to the faint beat of his heart, you knew that his modified DNA was still working to somehow fix the wound, that maybe the little regenerative liquid was working too and you knew that if he got the right medical attention, he could even make it.

You grabbed Felicia’s hand and pulled her close to you, glaring at her as tears were still streaming down your face.

“Felicia, take Peter to Stark Tower,” you ordered her, between sobs. “You have to take him, now.”

“What?” Felicia asked confused as she wiped the tears from her face, her voice wobbly and she almost instinctively gave a step back, as if she was afraid of the heaviness of the task that was being given to her.

“He sacrificed himself to save you,” you answer back as you pulled Felicia forward by her hand and started to hand Peter’s motionless body to her. Felicia’s eyes seemed to be full of panic as you started to let go of Peter, giving him to her and then you looked directly into her eyes. “If you’re on my team, you need to save him.”

Felicia stuttered for a moment, but no words came out of her mouth as she stared into your eyes. But you didn’t budge, you didn’t change your expression or the seriousness of it, Felicia needed to go with Peter, now.

It seemed like you had stopped breathing for a second as you waited for Felicia’s reaction, you knew that if she cared about you, she would do it and you hoped that she did. You were starting to panic but before you did, Felicia took all Peter’s weight and leaned him into her, holding him by his torso and placing his hand over her shoulders.

“Do what you need to do,” Felicia answer as she took out her white whip and quickly latched it into one of the balconies, ready to get Peter out from Grand Central. You sighed and nodded, you turned to look towards where Kingpin was, ready to fire at the case, but before you turned completely around, Felicia interrupted you. “Stark, be careful?”

You simply nodded as you wiped the tears away from your face while Felicia climbed to the balcony with Peter in her arms, she didn’t look back as she carefully took Peter’s body and got out through the main doors of the Station. You turned to see Kingpin, you sighed deeply as your helmet close again, the red alarms still on the screen in front of you, along with the reminder that you were low on energy.

“HAPPY, what do we have left?” You asked as you cracked your neck, the pain was still coursing through your body but at the moment you didn’t care much, your mind was too busy crafting a plan to get rid of Kingpin.

“Miss Stark, you shouldn’t be using the repulsors cannon, or energy blasters or energy blade or-” the AI started but you interrupted as you started to limpidly walk towards Kingpin.

“Yeah, I get it, no energy. Can you tell me if we have something that works?” you asked as you wince at the sound of the bullets crashing against the marble, ready to cut the case from where it was.

“You have the shoulder-formed micro-missile launcher ready and the zero canons, along with some other smaller missiles” the AI informed you.

“Good, start firing them and safe the repulsors to lift me up when we are close enough,” you stated as you closed your eyes for a moment, you took a deep breath and before you knew it, you were running alongside the missiles, ready for whatever would come your way.

Kingpin didn’t see it coming, he barely reacted since he had been too busy with shooting the case, which was already budging. He turned around with a frown, only for it to turn into a wince as he tried to avoid the missiles and it sent him flying backward. You were livid as you shot three quick rapid-succession smaller missiles that hit Kingpin, you heard his angry screams as you got closer to him. You quickly reached the column where the case was and without doubting it once, with the little energy you had left you flew to catch it with a quick jump that allowed you to rip the case from the wall, breaking a little bit while on it.

Though it didn’t last long as you landed almost abruptly on the floor, it wasn’t your best landing and your wounds were killing you, but you didn’t care. You knew that you had to get out of there with the case, otherwise it would turn ugly. You turned around to gaze at Kingpin who was starting to stand up but before he could, you quickly fired at him the last bit of energy you had with one of your repulsors.

“You can’t hurt the people I love and get away with it,” you screamed before you started to run away from Kingpin, your eyes on the stairs, ready to get out of there.

But then, you felt the loud and strong steps of Kingpin running towards you, you tried your best to fly away but your suit wasn’t working anymore and you cursed mentally, knowing that it meant a change of plans, that you didn’t like as much.

You turned at the moment when Kingpin, with his large hands, sent you to the opposite way of the door with a simple slap to your face as he reached you. You landed on the floor, head throbbing once more as you quickly took the case that had slipped from your hands for a second, you tried to stand up but Kingpin yanked your shoulder and you fell again onto the floor but with the case still in hand.

“I tried to be patient with you little Stark,” Kingpin growled as he looked down at you, before he quickly tried to crush you beneath his fists, you quickly dodge it by rolling to your side before you opened the case but then Kingpin tried to yank your leg. “But I’ve had enough. You will die today”

You hissed at the pain on your heel and quickly kicked his face with your heel, allowing you to escape for a minute and take the gauntlet with the new repulsor before Kingpin tried to grab you again, you turned around and your hook punched Kingpin across his face.

“I’m not little Stark,” you grumbled under your breath as you saw how Kingpin’s nose was bleeding even more profusely after your kick and your punch. His eyes were fire and his whole body was shaking with rage as he tried to wipe his nose from the blood, but the deep cuts that Felicia had done seemed to hurt him even more. “I’m fucking y/n Stark, and I’m ending this, now.”

Kingpin simply growled like an animal at your statement before he was ready to punch you one more time but before he could, you simply took a deep breath and felt the unbalanced energy that was focusing on your right arm. It seemed way more than ever before and you knew that by you have it, it could mean that it would end you.

Cinnamon and honey, was the only thing you thought about before you fired at Kingpin with the repulsor, and a white light blinded you.

And then there was silence.

Tony was the one who found you, between the debris of the destroyed Grand Central Station, your vitals were so small that he almost missed you. He had been on Stark Tower for about forty-minutes as he tried to evacuate the guests and everyone, then he reached the penthouse where he had encountered your friends, he had asked about you but his heart had torn from his chest as he saw the state of your room.

It wasn’t only until then that he realized that you were in trouble.

He had flown as fasts as he possibly could when Harley had told him where you were, and he had reached the station just in time to find Black Cat carrying Peter through rooftops of the buildings, she had tried to avoid the police knowing that they were going to arrest her but also (maybe) even discover Peter’s secret identity. Felicia was struggling so much with Peter; she was crying her eyes out but without making any noise as she and Peter left behind a trail of blood. When Tony landed in front of her, she didn’t blink or seemed scared, she seemed relieved as Tony took Peter into his arms, struggling to keep it together as he saw the kid that felt like a son bleeding out in his arms. He was almost about to fly away when he realized that Felicia was hurt too, he immediately knew who she was but he didn’t say her name, he simply took her hand and then flew to Stark Tower as fast as he could before flying back and reaching the station when it blew up.

The aftermath of the attack was greatly publicized all over the world. Every civilian was safe and no police officer that had been surrounding the perimeter and was attempting to step in was injured, Black Cat and Spiderman were recovering from their injuries, Kingpin had been found hurt but alive (incredibly) and was in a hospital before he was taken to prison and you were in a coma.

Bruce and Dr. Helen Cho weren’t completely sure how you’d make it alive from an explosion as big as that, but everyone was grateful that you had survived without any major injuries that they could detect right away, Bruce nonetheless preferred to put you to sleep so your body could recover.

All the Avengers had returned to visit you, to see how you were doing and even Fury who wasn’t fond of you spent a couple of hours in your room at the Medical Wing at the Compound. Tony and Pepper were on the first shift at five in the morning, then Steve and Nat, then they changed to Sam and Bucky, then Wanda and Vision, then Tony and Pepper again and then Rhodey and Bruce, Harley and Peter usually spent the night. It had been decided that you had to be on the Compound, along with Peter and Felicia to recover. It was best that you were away from prying eyes and in a place where every single person that lived there would take care of you.

It wasn’t until a week later that you woke-up alone in your room at the medical wing.

It was sunrise when you woke-up. The iris of fire-colored your room in the Medical wing, with a touch of golden light surrounding it. It was a cold sun of a winter morning, ones that you loved so much. You always thought that your body would be sluggish if you, by any chance, were subject to a coma but everything seemed to be dialed by a hundred as you opened your eyes and started to move. Everything ached from your injuries and the lack of movement from the past week, exhaustion also settled in your bones -even though you had been sleeping for so long-. Therefore, you had to take a minute before you decided to move again, deep breaths as the burning of your muscles continued for more than what you would like, it felt like multiple parts of your body were going to break in half.

It wasn’t until you felt accustomed enough to the pain that your mind snapped, you realized that you were definitely alive and immediately your heart stopped on your chest.

Was Peter alive?

“FRIDAY?” you rasped, coughing slightly at your sore and scratchy throat. You touched your neck slightly only to realize that you had bandages as well, and how they trailed down to your collarbone, torso and then you had a whole cast on your right arm. You supposed it was from the force of the explosion.

“Welcome back, Miss Stark,” Friday said smoothly as you raised from your bed and realized, horrified, how many tubes you had around you, on your nose, a central line, and the usual IV. “Would you like me to call someone to remove some of the medical equipment?” she asked, almost as if she knew you wanted to quickly take off the tubes and IV, so you could find out what had happened with Peter.

“No,” you answered quickly as you turned to see the notes of Dr. Cho and the other medical team that was on the desk next to you. “Can I take this off myself without bleeding out Friday?” you asked as you went through the notes, reading them as fast as you could.

You had various skull fractures, internal bleeding from your wound and you had been operated on to reinforce the stitches, you had a dislocated shoulder and a fractured arm, a broken rib even that had punctured your lung, burns on your right arm. Everything was accompanied by multiple scratches, lacerations, cuts, and bruises. You shivered at the thought of what your body had dealt with and how it could’ve been worse but your mind simply pushed it on the back of your mind as you tried your best to see how you could remove the tubes around you.

“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Tony said as he rose from the sofa in front of you. You knew how Tony looked when he was tired or when he was concerned, but the way he was looking now was something else that you would imagine.

Tony looked more sunken and broken than you’d ever thought possible. The deep purple bags under his eyes were something that your dad would never get, he had spent so many sleepless nights that you believed he was immune to them, his red-rimmed eyes were also something that didn’t fit with the usual image you had from Tony or the most prominent fact was the tired expression that almost forced his face down.

And it hit you that you were the reason he looked so bad; you were somehow the reason everything had somehow turned bad. Although you didn’t know what had happened with Kingpin, you knew that Peter and Felicia had been hurt and that you had most definitely destroyed a great part of an iconic historic building. And now your dad, The Avengers, your whole family had to deal with your erratic actions, with your mistakes, with your choices.

It felt like you were going to throw up when you realized that Peter’s death would even be your fault, guilt started to drown you.

You cracked.

“Dad,” you sniffled, as you cover your face with your hands in shame for what you had done, ashamed of your actions and the consequences they had, ashamed that you might be the reason that Peter hadn’t survived.

Your whole body began to shake uncontrollably, cries coming one after the other, almost escaping your lips involuntarily. But suddenly Tony simply walked over to you, pulling you quickly into his arms and holding you close as the tears fell from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” you cried against Tony’s chest.

“Sh. y/n, it’s alright,” Tony said as he caressed your hair, but it didn’t seem to ease your crying as you held to Tony tightly. Your dad, as strict and demanding as he always had been, was also the one person you admired the most, the one that you had shaped your life after, and disappointing him hurt more than what you would’ve liked to admit before.

“I’m sorry,” you pulled away and looked up at your dad’s softened expression. You didn’t want to say the words but your mind wasn’t able to handle anything else. “Di-did Peter…”

Tony reached down and held your face as he listened to you, but he seemed rather confused until he understood what and why you were asking, you didn’t know what had happened.

“He made it. I found them on time,” Tony said quickly to ease your concerns but it only caused you to cry, even more, gratefulness washing over your body as you realized that you hadn’t lost Peter. Peter Parker was alive and you felt like you could breathe again. “He’s in the next room, he woke up two days after everything happened, he also asked for you when he woke-up.”

You felt like putty on your dad’s arm as tears streamed down your face but now, you had a slight smile on your face as you tried to deal with the fact that Peter was okay and that he had been asking for you. It dawned on you how much you depended on Peter, how even if you knew that you didn’t need him, the thought of living in a world without Peter Parker seemed too heavy of a burden for you to handle, you wouldn’t have known how to cope, how to live.

And then your mind wandered back to the one that helped him save him.

“And, how’s she?” you asked as you pulled away from your Tony’s arms and laid again as your dad wiped the tears away.

“She’s good, she was ready to go since day one but she wanted to stay until you were okay,” Tony explained to you and you couldn’t help to blush like you always did when it came to Felicia, the mercurial highs you experienced when you thought about her and the meaning of your relationship. “You wouldn’t think a criminal/hero would be your type,” Tony chuckled and you giggled a bit.

“She’s different,” you admitted as you and your dad chuckled while looking at each other but then the air turned a bit heavier as the laughs died down. Your eyes still locked and you knew that it was going to be a hard conversation.

You had resented your dad for so long, for wanting you to be one specific way, for keeping you in a cage and you realized on your last moment that none of it was worth it. Anger washed away when you knew what you had to do, you realized that you felt sorry for how your actions had hurt others but not about doing them, you had accomplished your mission and that was all it mattered.

“I’m sorry for everything I did, I’m sorry for lying and for making the wrong choices. I didn’t mean for any of these to happen, I just wanted to do the right thing and to show you that I’m…” you felt the knot on your throat, so familiar. For the first time in forever, it seemed to stop you as you looked at Tony.

“Y/N, you will always be enough,” he stated softly as he caressed your hair. “Although I don’t agree with a lot of things, you did what you believed you had to do to save people. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to do the right thing and I couldn’t be prouder of you. You don’t need to prove yourself to me or to anyone, you are who you are and that makes me the proudest and happiest dad.”

You felt your lower lip wobbling, eyes filling with tears as you took his hand in yours, placing it back down on the bed as you held it tightly. You weren’t sure how it had happened, but the way peace washed over your body, how it seemed to wash the pain away, felt like something new.

“Thank you, dad”

Tony brought Bruce and Dr. Cho after your conversation, they removed some of the tubes like the central line and the oxygen tubes, but the IV had to stay in and you were ordered to remain in bed for a couple of more hours. They wanted to do testing, check your vitals for a longer period of time, and keep you in observation longer to see if there was any problem with you. Much to your dismay. The longing of seeing Peter only grew deeper when Tony told you that he had gone to see May in Queens, he had been waiting for you to wake-up that he hadn’t even visited May after she had come by to be with him while he was out and in surgery.

You understood the point and you decided to think something else as you were chained to your bed, the perfect distraction walked in unannounced as she usually did.

“You know, I knew you were badass but not badass enough to destroy Grand Central,” you heard Felicia’s silvery voice from the frame of the door.

Felicia didn’t have her suit anymore, she was wearing some mom jeans and an oversize cardigan that fitted her nicely, as everything did with her. She had a sassy smirk drawn on her face, the same coy tone that she had used when you first had met her but you could also see a striking light on her eyes that you hadn’t seen before.

You weren’t sure what it was but it fitted her nicely.

“Don’t need to remind me, it’s kind of embarrassing,” you groaned from your bed with a small smile.

Felicia giggled and then walked towards you, she swiftly climbed into your bed but she stayed at the edge of it as she stared down at you. She had the same kid-like expression that she had when you had visited Coney Island together, she was bright and herself. The warmth she had brought to your life, how she had been that fearless role model that you believed you needed, she was unapologetic, and how you had loved every single moment.

But then, her eyes turned remorseful as she detailed all your injuries.

“I’m sorry, for everything,” Felicia said softly, her eyes down as she nervously played with her hands, taking one strand of her silver hair to the back of her ear.

“I know,” you answered but it didn’t really seem to go through Felicia’s mind.

“I… It didn’t start like that, I swear,” she stated grimacing, as she tried her best not to look at you. She seemed so pained at the sight of you, it made you wondered if she had been as afraid as she had been the last time. “Just, when he found out, the terms of the agreement changed and I had to choose between saving my dad and…” Felicia’s chin started trembling as she tried to keep it together.

But you tried to raise from your place and take her hand, you just couldn’t completely so you simply patted the empty space next to you in the bed. Felicia looked up and immediately crawled next to you. You could see how hard she was trying to keep her tears from falling but you knew that if you kept the conversation in the same direction, they would be staining your bed.

“I understand, I still think that you were an asshole but I understand,” you answered as honestly as you could as you held Felicia’s hand tight, she laced her hand in yours. “Thank you for saving Peter,”

Felicia shook her head.

“He saved me, so we are somehow even,” she answered back, somehow still having some residual jealousy from Peter, you could feel it on her voice. “I love you, y/n. You know that, right?”

It was strange hearing her said that for the first time when everything had come undone when you were simply climbing from the lowest of lows in the rollercoaster that your relationship was. It was even stranger that you were aware that you were also in love with her but knowing that you couldn’t be with her. It wasn’t like you had stopped loving her, but the idea of going back to a real relationship with her after everything that had happened, after everything you had realized, didn’t seem right.

“I love you too Felicia, but I just can’t…” you spoke softly, as honestly as you could, and with a modulated tone that even surprised you.

“It’s okay,” she sighed softly as she looked at your y/e/c eyes. “I knew it was never just me, y/n.” Her answer made you furrow your eyebrows as you tried to really understand what she meant with not just her, rapidly blinking as you tried to listen to her carefully. “Come on, you know what I’m talking about,” she insisted as she squeezed your hand for a second as if it was a nudge that she would usually give you. “It was never just me, you couldn’t just love me, not completely at least since the start. He was always there”

Peter’s presence in your life and, therefore, in your relationship with Felicia seemed to dawn on you. But it was strange, you always thought that Felicia was this untouchable being, that her jealousy was small but that it wouldn’t taint your whole relationship.

But it had.

“It doesn’t mean that I didn’t or that I don’t,” you stated quickly but Felicia smiled as she placed her thumb over your mouth softly, you stayed silent as she ran her fingers through your curls.

“I know, it’s okay Stark. I can survive,” she answered playfully, as she naturally was and her eyes gleamed with confidence.

“You always do,” you assured her as she climbed down from the bed.

Now on the edge next to your head she leaned down placed a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth, so softly and with so much love that it was almost palpable in the air. You melted into the kiss as you leaned into her a bit more, into the cotton candy scent, you knew her by heart, all her little things and so, you knew what the kiss meant. It felt like a goodbye kiss, you could feel it by how her plump lips were purposeful and loving, but without the sheer intensity and raw want that they had before.

You felt the knot on your throat because you knew her and what it actually meant, beyond breaking up.

“You are going to skip town?”

Felicia rose from your bed and finally let go of your hand she placed her hands on her pockets and sighed, she seemed to be choosing the correct words to actually tell you but when she looked at you again, it felt like she knew she could be honest.

“Maybe, your dad arranged for my dad to get out the day that you woke-up. He’s being sent to a hospital and I’ll be with him for a while,” she answered truthfully and you felt your heart skipping a beat of joy as you realized that Tony had helped her and that, for what it seemed, there were no streams attached to the deal.

“Am I going to hear from you again?” you asked as Felicia started to walk towards the door, her hips going side to side and with the same confidence that she had the day you had met her.

“Maybe,” she stated with a shrug, you rolled your eyes.

“Don’t be a stranger,”

“Never for you, Stark” she answered honestly as she reached the door.

“Be careful, Hardy”

Felicia looked back at you with her purple-ish grey eyes and there was fondness drawn on her features, she watched you lovingly from afar and you knew it was going to be a while until you saw the girl that had put your world upside down. You were so grateful for her and for what it seemed; she was grateful for you too.

“You too, Stark”

The rest of the day you spent between sleeping, people taking out your blood, being transported into a larger regenerative cradled that Dr. Cho had brought, and changing your bandages. But deeply, you were just anxiously hoping to see Peter at the end of the day. You were hoping that he was going to be back sooner, but each time one of the Avengers came in, they would tell you that he hadn’t arrived.

It was frustrating and disappointing, especially when Dr. Cho and Bruce told you that although you were technically allowed to walk, you shouldn’t be walking. Therefore, there wasn’t really walking allowed until they had approved it. You fumed a bit but you tried to dial it down, being angry seemed to simply make your bones ache more. You simply asked them if they weren’t willing to let you walk, then when Peter came back, they should send him to your room immediately.

They agreed, then you asked for sushi and to be alone, Tony was a little bit cautious but he agreed.

A couple of minutes after he left the room, you were taking a deep breath and getting ready to leap from your hospital bed. Your whole body seemed to scream as you land your feet on the cold floor, it really did felt like someone had pulled you apart and then had tried to pull you together, the gravity making your muscles burn but after a minute or two, you managed to slowly start paddling towards the door in search for Peter.

The door opened and before you could give another step the boy with the galaxy of freckles stood before you.

Peter still looked pale but it was miles away from how he had looked when he was bleeding out on your arms a week before. You could see between his white shirt the bandages that were wrapped around his torso and chest, it was similar to the bandages that accompanied the cast that went right up to below the elbow, and then the thick bandages wrapped around your collarbone and shoulder, just above your elbow. Both of you had small band-aids scattering over your faces and body, along with taped down gauze pads and bandages that were covering random stitches and scratches.

You both looked like messes, indeed. You tried to recall where you had been injured the same or worse but there wasn’t any memory coming back to you as you locked eyes with Peter. Not that it matters, because at the end of the day you were the same.

“Y/N,” he smiled tiredly, teary-eyed while he realized that you were okay.

The waiting had been killing Peter slowly. As soon as Peter had woken-up, he started to ask for you non-stopped. He had realized that you had been left alone to deal with Kingpin, that he hadn’t been there as he had promised but Tony had convinced him that he wouldn’t be there at all if Felicia hadn’t gotten him out as you had instructed her.

Peter had, therefore, as soon as he was able to leave his bed, stayed at the foot of your bed every night. He had moved the small couch in the room next to you, so he could be as close to you as possible while Harley stayed in the larger couch that was farther away from you. By the third night, Tony had decided to move the bed from his room in the medical wing to yours every night, until he had decided to see Aunt May.

He had been on May’s apartment, the apartment where he had lived for so long having a small dinner after May had reproached him how they weren’t spending as much time together when he almost died. She felt terrible after, knowing that Peter simply didn’t want to leave your side, but he also understood May and how scared she had been.

He didn’t have good timing though; he had left his phone in his room while he spent the day with May and he only heard him while they finish an early dinner so that Peter could go back and sleep with you. But then Tony called again and Peter caught it, you were awake.

He had rushed to the compound only to directly find you at the door. Peter winced as he saw the multiple injuries you had, it pained him beyond what he believed to see you that way. His PTSD after seeing you get shot didn’t make it better, he remembered how scared he was about losing you, how he had been almost certain that you weren’t going to make it. And here you were not even a month after, Peter hated it.

You didn’t react when you saw him, you knew you couldn’t open your mouth, or otherwise, you would start crying and nothing would stop you. So, you only took his hand and walked with him towards your bed, softly and quietly. Peter didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to, the silence that settled between the two of you was enough for him to know what you wanted.

You climbed to the bed slowly, trying to be as careful as you could with your injuries but Peter didn’t wait, he picked you up easily and placed you in the bed before climbing next to you. You laid there looking up to the ceiling while Peter was curled up next to you, you took his hand again almost instantly and your legs tangled together. You breathe out slowly as you felt the warmth that you had always felt around Peter when you were together.

And you recalled how it felt in the moments that you believed that he wasn’t there.

“You can’t do that again,” you whispered softly without looking at Peter, eyes still trained in the roof.

You were trying not to cry; you were done crying but it seemed almost as if all the feelings that had been bottling up on your body were finally released. You hoped that it would stop soon because it had become exhausting to feel the wave after wave of tears, anger, sadness, fear, everything.

“What?” Peter asked shyly as he watched you softly, as his fingers daintily ran through your hair as you closed your eyes and sighed for a moment, trying to find the words that wouldn’t break your voice.

“You can’t just…” you stuttered and Peter waited patiently as you tried to say how you felt. “You can’t just willingly get hurt.”

“I…”

“I know that a stupid thing for me to say but you just can’t,” you stated as you felt the burning tears escaping your eyes again, while you tried with frustration to make them stop by wiping them from your face as soon as they started to fall.

Peter was at a loss of words as he watched you quietly. Hadn’t you realized why he had done it? You turned to watch Peter and your eyes locked, with your right arm, as softly and delicate as you could, you traced Peter’s features. You tried to memorize how he looked at that moment next to you, you knew that you could imagine every tiny detail of Peter’s body if you were asked to, but you wanted to keep this image in your memory.

Something that assured you that Peter would always be there, even after the worst had happened. You felt like it was the only thing you could keep other than the feeling of being grateful to know that he was there.

“Just, why don’t you take into account that I love you?” you pouted, chin wobbly as you recalled his blood-tainted suit and how he had told you that you were his. “I felt so helpless holding you while I saw you leaving me and I couldn’t do anything”

Peter froze when he heard the L-word in present, his heart was hammering on his chest and he was sure that he was blushing as he gazed at you. Peter had waited years, years, to hear you say what you were saying and with the actual meaning that he wanted to hear. It wasn’t in past, it wasn’t polluted by past lovers, it was truthful and it was raw and it was everything that he ever wished for.

“I did it because I love you,” Peter whispered softly as he shifted on the bed and got closer to you, just a breath away from you as his hand came to cup your face. “If Felicia died… I mean, she was your girlfriend. I just want you to be happy y/n, that’s all I want for you and I didn’t want you to lose her,”

It just dawned on you, how selfless the love that Peter had for you was. You had waited for years, years to hear him say that with all the raw feelings, without any other ties of past fights and hurts, without doubting it for a second. It was an honest love; it was everything you had ever wished for.

“Thank you,” you answered honestly because you knew you would’ve been devastated if Felicia had died but you didn’t know if you would ever feel such despair as you felt when you thought Peter was dying. “But just understand that I will always be happy if you are in my life, Peter Parker,”

Peter’s smile lit up the room as he looked at you with his bright chocolate eyes and when he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, you knew that you had reached Nirvana. He breathed life back into you with his warm and soft lips that tasted like honey and cinnamon as you tried as carefully as you could to get as close to him as possible. You had dreamed about this for so long that it almost seemed surreal that it was out, everything was done and your soul lighting up as you kissed Peter with all the energy on your body, everything that you felt was Peter Parker. You wanted to be consumed by him, you wanted to forever have Peter with you and you had never been as sure about anything before.

“I’m always going to be here, I promise y/n”

He was warm, he was your home and you smiled as you leaned again into him.

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taglist: @spideylovin @fandomtrash100 @soullessbabee @liljennyx3

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author’s note: Okay so ONE MONTH LATER THE FINAL CHAPTER? YES. This was so hard to write and it took me like a loooooooot of time but I really hope that you enjoy it. Next week (I promise) we will have the Epilogue and I’m going to write a blurb at your request about Felicia and y/n in this universe so PLEASE if you have any request, you can tell me in my inbox and I’ll be more than happy to answer.

This has been a ride and I’m really thankful to everyone that took the time to read this series and that were kind enough to send me feedback and comments. I really really appreciate it and you can imagine how you made my days.

I’ll update de epilogue tomorrow and there’s a playlist that will come tomorrow pinpointing an exact scene for a song, I would like to know what you would think will happen in the Epilogue.

please please please let me know your thoughts and opinions on this chapter and if you have ANY theories or comments I would love to see them!!! I’m already so happy with the love you have given to the last chapters, I really hope you like it! any feedback is well received and thank you so much!

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