#but its funny to imagine they all just start shouting at john

[ellecdc]

Baaaaabe 😫

Ive been sick for the last couple days, and as always, that first day was horrible. Ive had my brain legit decide it wants to inflate bigger than my skull capacity (long story short, pregnancy 🫡) and i got to re-experience that feeling for the first 12 hours 💀

BUT i came back and i was sooo excited for your updates!! They were soo good (please tell me theres a part 2 to that angst....pls 🥺) And i love our discussions in the comments 🫶

I do have another request though if you have the time love. Another possessive!wolfstar buuuttt..... make reader Jamie's sister (twins?)!! Its troublesome enough for James to keep Sirius' hands to himself, but full moon Rem?? He's a brick wall. Like somethings happening between the 2 and Jamie is chasing reader, then she spots Rem and hides behind him. James tries to reach for her and Rem is just kinda like "???? Excuse me, thats mine. Dont touch. James Fleamont Potter. DONT. TOUCH." without even knowing whats going on. James is incredulous (because thats HIS sister) and Siri is chuckling but it looks like Rem might actually bite Jamie's hand off so he moves between them to seperate them but Rem is also like "ExCuSe YOU??? Also mine. *to siri* dont touch him. *to James* dont touch them or you might not have all your fingers when you wake up!!"

And just the repercussions of this where James isnt allowed alone with either until a couple days passed the 🌕

Hope youre looking after yourself darling 🩵

I love James' sister trope - something about it screams fluff and perhaps a little angst but just in all the best ways. I would imagine his sister to be so much like him: mischievous, funny, and full of love. Thanks for requesting!!!

poly!wolfstar x potter sister!reader

There were quite a few perks that came along with being James Potter's twin sister. One said perk was having a built-in best friend from the moment you came into the world. Another was that whilst you were attending school, you had the benefit of no one being willing to mess with you on account of the company you kept - namely, your brother and his infamous friends who called themselves The Marauders.

What being James Potter's twin sister couldn't protect you from? James Potter.

What could protect you from being James Potter's twin sister? Being the girlfriend of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

You and James were leaving Care of Magical Creatures together, heading to meet up with Remus and Sirius near the Greenhouses when one Lily Evans walked by - graciously bestowing James the time of day for quite possibly the first time ever - when you decided that this was the perfect pranking opportunity.

You really couldn't be blamed for what happened next: it truly was a gift bestowed upon you by the great pranking gods, and who were you to deny it?

"Hello, Potter." Lily said, causing James to gasp dramatically.

"Hello, Lily! Beautiful day out today, innit?"

Lily couldn't help but snicker at the sickeningly wide grin that took over James' face.

"Oi, Jamie. I forgot to tell you: mum sent that rash cream you were asking for. She said to remind you it's only safe to put around your anus, not in it." You proclaimed loudly, pretending to read from a 'letter' your mother had sent.

The courtyard became incredibly quiet before what you recognized to be Barty Crouch Junior's laugh echoed the space, triggering the snickering of all those present.

"You are so dead!" James sneered and you didn't hesitate to take off in a sprint - knowing your brother was a mere few paces behind you.

"You slithering little snake! She finally starts coming around - are you kidding me!?" He shouted as you swerved between bodies standing in your way whilst he just barrelled right through them.

Suddenly, you saw salvation in the form of one Remus John Lupin.

Now, granted, Remus didn't always protect you from your squabbles with James. Part of the reason for that was because half of the time you sort of deserved it (much like today), and the other part was that he claimed he didn't know what proper protocol was in sibling relationships on account of him being an only child. Sirius, a brother himself, had no such qualms and always took your side.

However, you knew that the full moon was in a mere two more sleeps, meaning Remus was at his most protective (read: possessive) which did not distinguish James Potter as friend, sibling, nor pack.

Right now: James Potter was only a threat.

And, let's be honest, being James Potter's twin sister, and a girlfriend to Remus Lupin and Sirius black also meant you were mischievous as hell. So you had no trouble using this to your utmost advantage.

You squeaked in terror as you slid behind Remus' lanky frame a moment before James - the bastard - slammed into his form and all but bounced off of Remus. James was admittedly more muscular than Remus, but Remus' height and werewolf strength left him towering above James as the dumb sod picked himself up off the ground.

"What in the buggering hell is going on?" He spat at James as one of his arms wrapped behind him, shielding you from your fuming brother.

"That sneaky little witch just embarrassed me in front of Lily!" James barked, looking like he was still trying to figure out how to get around Remus in order to strangle you.

"Please," Sirius drawled as he walked over casually, "like you need any help in that department Prongs."

You tried to hide your snicker, but from Remus' glance at you through the corner of his eye, you knew he caught it.

"She told the entire courtyard I needed cream for a rash on my anus!"

Sirius doubled over in laughter and you preened when you noticed Remus let out a soft chuckle himself.

"It's not sodding funny you wanker! Lily spoke to me first today! I'm going to kill you!" James snarled, moving his attention from Sirius to you.

As James stepped forward menacingly, Remus grabbed the collar of his shirt. "Prongs, enough." He barked.

Sirius was still laughing when he moved to stand between Remus and James, releasing James' shirt from Remus' fist.

"Okay, down boy." Sirius snarked, patting James' shoulder consolingly.

"Oh, sod off." James muttered, elbowing Sirius as he moved to step away.

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding and tried to even out your breathing; lungs still burning from your run.

"You okay, dove?" Remus asked you so gently as he bent down to make eye contact with you. His face screamed love, attentiveness, and care, making you feel slightly guilty for having shoved him in the middle of your tomfoolery.

"I'm fine, Moons. Sorry for causing trouble." You answered solemnly.

His face picked up slightly at your words as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "You wouldn't be you if you weren't causing trouble, love."

Your tender moment was interrupted by a yelp, causing the two of you to turn only to notice James and Sirius wrestling. James seemed to have gotten Sirius into a headlock, and the sod wasn't willing to tap out - still kicking and clawing at James in anyway he could.

"Oi!" Remus shouted as he plucked Sirius out of James' grasp and shoved him in the direction of the castle. James used his momentary distraction as an opportunity to set his sights back on you as he lunged, tackling you to the ground.

"Fuckin' hell Jamie! You weight a tonne!" You shouted, kneeing him in the gut. James doubled over and rolled onto his side in the fetal position.

You didn't even get a chance to right yourself before you were thrown over Remus' shoulder who was still shouting at Sirius to "get back to the dorm. The both of you are staying within my sights for the next foreseeable future" as you all left James with the wind knocked out of him, keeled over on the castle grounds.

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 13th August ✨

Happy #AudioDramaSunday, lovely people! I’ve listened to so much audio drama this week and my house is so clean as a result 🫧 

SPOILERS BELOW!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods Starcrossed Gods!! I felt so brave daring to listen to this again. My heart 💔 Marolmar is written so well! Every sentence contains something to flinch at, it makes me sick to hear it all again. I’d also repressed the memory of how gut-wrenching Nikignik’s shouting at the end was, and how much it hurts to hear people trying to sing with a closed up throat. ANYWAY, I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’m not sure if the live show was released early due to logistical reasons, but I am fearful that it’s to provide context for what’s about to happen in the regular episodes (AKA tears and tears and tears for me). 

🦀 What an absolute delight to hear from the @thesiltverses cast again! These season recaps are so funny and it’s so heart warming to hear it when the cast of a show are clearly also its biggest fans. I’m SO excited for S3!!

🦮 @malevolentcast (34) what an episode!! If I recall correctly, this is the first time we’ve had an episode entirely without Arthur & John’s perspective? The Butcher is a worthy character to hold that mantle. Do I feel like I understand him more? No. Did I love being along for the ride? Absolutely. It’s also so weird to hear Arthur talking to John out loud when he thinks no-one can hear. I hope he makes it out in time! 

📻 @monstrousagonies (107) So thrilled to have this show back and I hope Hero is feeling much better! The first letter was so cute!! I’m sure there are lots of us who can relate to choosing love and kindness when we’re used to the opposite! Whichever bridge that little one finds, I’m sure it’ll be the loveliest by far!! 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions gave us the low-down on just how incredibly talented the Moonbase Theta, Out cast are in their Cast Special. Spoiler: Very. It was very wholesome to hear DJ Sylvis hyping everyone up and the episode is full of great AD and other recommendations! 

🎙Welcome to Night Vale is back!! I felt particularly targeted by the ad copy in this episode, but I’m sure that was their intention! This ep’s weather was particularly up my street too! I loved the harmonies! 

🎞 Tiny Terrors OOF hey so I found out what was up with Angela… and I didn’t like it one bit! I also need to know what the hell was happening at the end there. Jess, girl, you’ve got to stop getting yourself in these situations. It’s too much (for me to listen to)! 

🌍 @lastechoespod (8) I can’t believe it’s the last episode! Ishani Kanetkar was wonderful as Trast. I wish we could hear the final decision, but I guess I’ll just have to relisten and try decide for myself . . . 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Uhoh, someone’s arrived in Whitby . . . I love Mina so much and Isabel AdomakohYoung is doing amazing job as her VA. She captures the good-hearted intelligence I love so much about the character!

 💫 Wolf 359 (38-46 + Special!) Oh MAN this podcast has my entire heart. Isn’t Memoria one of the best episodes of anything ever? Oh, Hera, I love you sooo much!!!!! I also loved the Lovelace cliffhanger at the end of 46 and the special was so different but so good! (Although listening to 2 hours of anything is a challenge!! I need a 20-30 min ep or I can’t fit it into my life) 

🎩 @ethicstownpod (7) OH MY GOD. January fans are looking a little bit bloody silly right now! What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On???? Please, if you haven’t yet started listening to this show, now is your time! It’s SO good and has so many twists and turns!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (5) oh my GOD, imagine how horrifying it would be to be out in the woods to grieve your partner, only to hear their voice in the middle of the night. Nope. Absolutely not. Get out of the dead zone!! Wilson remains the goodest boy, even if his growls give me goosebumps! 

🎧 In this week’s The First Episode Of, W Keith Tims talks to the creator of Untrue Stories! These interviews are always fantastic and this show sounds so interesting for fans of sci-fi!! 

Thanks for reading! I’m so excited for more Regina Prime and to catch up with happenings in the Hallowoods next week! Hope you all have a restful weekend ✨

[joen-lenawley]

Fav song from every Beatles album (as of the date of posting) and explanations!

Please Please Me - Twist & Shout: The rasp and imperfections in John’s voice really brings a rancorous energy to it and makes it seem like you’re listening to them perform live. Also, it’s just pretty darn catchy. Good cover.

With the Beatles - Till There Was You: It’s a beautiful love song, with simple but meaningful lyrics. I feel like this song (and the album it’s on in general, minus All My Loving) doesn’t get enough attention. I also like to imagine ships to it sometimes.

A Hard Day’s Night - If I Fell: hehehe McLennon. Okay but actually speaking this is also a really pretty love song, and them singing in harmony really makes you wonder…

Beatles for Sale - I’ll Follow the Sun: To be totally honest, I have not listened to the entirety of Beatles for Sale yet. I really should. Anyways, I’ll Follow the Sun is a really uplifting song, and the guitar tickles my brain in funny ways.

Help! - Help!: I had a hard time deciding, but I picked this one because of John Lennon angst. The “won’t you please, please help me” parts have exquisite harmonies. Plus, it’s catchy!

Rubber Soul - Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown): Again, I had a hard time picking (I love Rubber Soul enough to start a daily blog of it, @rubber-soul-daily, which you should totally follow), but I went with Norwegian Wood because of the evocative imagery and storytelling (and arson). The sitar is also a very cool touch, and definitely shows their growing interest in Indian classical music.

Revolver - Tomorrow Never Knows: This is also an album where I struggled to pick, just because Revolver has so many strong tracks. But Tomorrow Never Knows takes the cake, with its wonderfully experimental production (hell yeah reversed audio!) and also, just the lyrics, man.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - A Day in the Life: I really don’t think this one requires an explanation, actually. It’s A Day in the Life!

Magical Mystery Tour - Strawberry Fields Forever: Augh, I have to pick a fave from Magical Mystery Tour too?! Anyways, I know it’s a basic choice, but Strawberry Fields Forever feels simultaneously nostalgic and like you’re exploring another world. Kinda like those analog horror back rooms things, except not at all and completely different because it’s more comforting than creepy. The mellotron intro is really cool and is a great setup for the whole vibe of the song. It’s also a very beautiful song lyrically, being about…huh, what are the lyrics about, exactly? Like John’s childhood and stuff, right? Plus, the story of how the two takes were combined and the reason why it’s in an oddly specific key is fascinating.

The White Album - Dear Prudence: My favorite White Album track has changed a lot. I think it was Savoy Truffle first, then Helter Skelter, then While My Guitar Gently Weeps, then Glass Onion, then Julia, then Back in the U.S.S.R. Recently, I watched the movie Across the Universe, and they named the Asian girl Prudence and did actually use the song Dear Prudence (in contrast, the character named Sadie did not disrespect anyone’s boundaries and they didn’t sing Sexy Sadie). That movie rewired my brain chemistry and now Dear Prudence is super comforting to me.

Yellow Submarine - Hey Bulldog: I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO RIFF SOOOOOOOO BAD and John and Paul barking at each other at the end remind me of my best friend’s silliness. Also, it’s just really, really catchy.

Abbey Road - Because: Because is somehow underrated despite literally being a track on one of the most famous and iconic albums at all time. Seriously, both the harmonies and the lyrics are so beautiful. I cannot get over how well the three harmonize, I wish our choir was that good. Plus, Tally Hall covered it, and I have a soft spot for any song that Tally Hall covers.

Let it Be - I Me Mine: I had a hard time deciding this as well, since Get Back, The Long and Winding Road, and Across the Universe are on this album. But I’m an absolute sucker for songs in 3/4 time (even though I can barely waltz). The chorus being in a different time signature also creates an interesting juxtaposition (not necessarily a good or bad thing, just an interesting thing). The singing is also so passionate, and the lyric “flowing more freely than wine” is just…*chef’s kiss*. I’ve also heard a rumor that George wrote this song about his frustrations with John and Paul, and honestly, based.

[john-my-dearly-beloved]

how did isen even get on the floor. did john just go “no” so much that isen gave up? did isen give up bc he didnt wanna hear everyone bitch? did they all just go “fucking get up there you prissy bitch” ?????

[zemodaddy]

Hey so i finally completed the first chapter of the zemo x reader fanfic. Make sure to read the authors note at the end and i hope you enjoy.!

Synopsis:

Y/n is an ex-avenger who, after the blip was forced to work for the US government. You trained to be an assassin/spy and your gifts of wielding flames made you invaluable. When you were assigned to follow Bucky you find him helping Helmut Zemo escape from his prison cell. What is he up to? Should you stop him?

Warnings: violence, lots of swearing, angst, fluff and in later chapters extreme acts of hatred towards John Walker :)

Shades of Him

They replaced him. They replaced him with a random guy and stuck Steve’s shield on him. You were staring at the TV in disbelief. You thought of Steve like a brother and he definitely wouldn’t have wanted this.

After the blip you had no job, the avengers pretty much all separated and that left you without anything to do, and that meant no income and no income meant no home or food. You couldn’t exactly find a normal job because most people were afraid of you. A trained assassin and spy who could wield flames wasn’t really considered normal. That left you with no choice but to accept the deal the US government offered you. Do their dirty work and you wont end up homeless.

Your newest mission was to track Bucky to make sure he followed the rules set upon him for his pardon. You are close to him, like you were close to Steve. Hiding the fact that you were following him everywhere he went was kind of hard but you managed. You had to manage.

So finding him and Sam visiting a German prison kind of surprised you. Had this got to do with his therapy? Surely not. They left around an hour later and from then nothing more suspicious happened. A quick google search and a deep dive into some public records showed that a high security prisoner resided at this prison. Not just anyone. Zemo.

Interesting you thought. Later that night you followed Bucky and Sam to an old garage. You waited outside for 5 minutes before entering, trying to keep to the shadows of the room. The two men seemed to be in the midst of a heated discussion. “You want Zemo to help us?” Sam looks exasperated. Bucky looks a bit apprehensive as he says “Look let me walk you through a hypothetical, can I do that?” He begins to explain an elaborate escape plan for Zemo. Your mind was wizzing with thoughts as you tried to figure out your next move. He really isn’t in the right headspace, same old Bucky, you roll your eyes. “What are you guys doing?” You step out of the darkness. The two seemed to jump out of their skin, clearly not expecting you to be there.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Bucky asks. They both looked so shocked by your sudden appearance that you had to suppress a laugh. “I was following you.” He doesn’t look happy. “YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME?” He raises his voice. You weren’t scared because you knew he loved you really. Keeping the same tone as him you shout back “YES AND YOU’RE HELPING A CRIMINAL” “I SAID HYPOTHETICALLY DIDN’T I”. Sam looks like he could start laughing any moment. You weren’t even sure if you should laugh or arrest them. Suddenly your phone buzzes. “Then please explain to me why I just got a message saying that ZEMO HAS ESCAPED FROM PRISON?” Sam looks mad now. “You’re kidding me Bucky” he says. “Look we don’t have any other leads, we were at a dead end.”

You knew that the two were looking for information on the new super soldiers serum. “He blew up the UN, he killed king T’Chaka!” Before Bucky could reply to Sams argument, the sound of a door shutting sounds through the garage and guess who walks in. Helmut fucking Zemo. Your hand flies immediately to the dagger on the side of your thigh. “Woah woah woah” Sam starts walking towards him as Bucky tries to hold him back. Too bad he didn’t see you slip past them and push Zemo against the wall with said dagger against his throat. “Your going back to prison” you pass him a sickly sweet smile. He looked surprised by you holding him against that wall but didn’t fight back. Not with the blade in your hand starting to heat up against his skin. “y/n let him go” Bucky looks frustrated.

“He can lead us closer to the serum, just let him breath for a second” Zemo did start to look a little breathless. Good, he should be scared of you. Reluctantly you let him go. He starts to talk “if I may”. At the same time the three of you go “NO”. He looked a little displeased by the response but didn’t have any other option but to oblige. “Apologies”. After further debating and a lot of disagreements you and Sam finally agree to trust Zemo.. for the time being anyways. “Alright Zemo, where do we start”

You mentally set a reminder to always have an eye on Zemo, how could you not with a guy like him. He seemed to be sending you anxious glances in return, which to be fair you did nearly choke him to death. He leads you to a large warehouse containing numerous cars of different ages, sizes and colours. Probably stolen you think. After grabbing a case full with clothes for zemo you all head to an airstrip. In the middle of which was a private jet. You look at it in awe. “So you were rich all this time?” Sam asks. “I’m a baron Sam, my family was royalty before your friends destroyed my country”. Shit. Those cars weren’t stolen then..

The mention of his country makes you think back to that battle against ultron. You were very tempted to leave the avengers after nearly wiping out the entirety of a population of a country. But they convinced you to stay, where else could you have gone anyway? You think a little longer about the aftermath, when you helped after the battle with the injured, and loved ones finding their dead. It was one of the saddest moment of your life, until the blip. No one else helped from the avengers, they didn’t even visit the memorial..

“Y/n you coming?” Sam was saying from the top of the stairs. Lost in thought you were stood in front of the plane. Maybe I should stop getting distracted you thought. Entering the jet the seats on the right were already occupied by Sam and Bucky, leaving the only other seat opposite Zemo free. Great. As a gentle reminder you check your dagger on your thigh, almost like a warning that if he tries anything he’ll know what’s coming. Zemo swallows looking where it would be and ask his butler person for a drink. Was that his butler or the pilot? Rich people problems you thought. The plane sets off and you look out of the window daydreaming a little.

The other three talk lightly until the mention of Buckys list, which ends in zemo being choked yet again. You smile a little, enjoying the mini acts of revenge for the people he’s hurt and killed. You feel a bit sleepy but then they start to discuss where you were going. “Do we want to live in a world full of people like the red skull” Zemo shakes his head lightly “that’s why we’re going to Madripoor”. Confused, Bucky explains the place’s history in the Indonesian archipelago. “It’s kept its lawless ways but we cannot go in as our selves” Zemo says. Uh oh that can’t be good.

You were right. Zemo had handed you a bag full of clothes and a pair of heels. You stared at yourself in the full length mirror that resided in the toilets. “You have got to be kidding me” you say aloud. Your were wearing a dark purple silky dress that reached only just halfway down your thigh. It exposed most of your arms, shoulders and a lot of your chest. Thankfully there was a black leather jacket in the bag too, however on the shoulders sat a blanket of fur, similarly to Zemos coat that he took from the warehouse. Your heels were also purple. You thank the lord you took the time to train in heels too because you never know when the situation arises when you happen to find yourself in those monstrous shoes.

“This” you point at yourself “is not happening”. “Ah my baroness has arrived” Zemo says, amusement glinting in his eyes. You glared at the word ‘baroness’. “Here put this on darling, to finish it off”. He holds what seems to be a lipstick in his hand. You already knew what shade it was before taking it from him. “Do you have some thing for purple or is that just me?” Sam and Bucky both laughed.

You had to admit, the dress didn’t look bad, in fact it looked expensive. To say you were uncomfortable was an understatement, not necessarily for what you were wearing, but for the hand now draped around your waist. Zemos hand. He said that no matter what, you couldn’t break character. Bucky was playing the role as the winter soldier; you felt bad for him, the memories this must bring up. You can’t even begin to imagine. Sam however, wore an extravagant and abstract red suit that kind of looked like a dress. It was funny to see his reaction to which he comments that he looked like a “pimp”.

A car pulls up beside you and you all pile in. Of course you were sat next to zemo in the back. After around five minutes you arrive in lowtown. A place where you could apparently find a gall called Selby. That hand snaked back around you as you intermingle with the crowded streets. The high density of the crowd forced you even closer to Zemos side leaving practically no space between you now. You could feel his warm body against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. He looks down on you. His eyes seem to be softer now than they were before and he gives you a quick kiss on the temple as if to reassure you that you’re safe. You tried to keep yourself from shaking him off of you but as you carried on walking, you got used to him a bit more. Sam and Bucky followed the two of you, both with grim faces.

Finally, you come to a bar, most people around you watching carefully as you all enter. Zemo orders the both of you a shot and Sam gets his usual. This turned out to be something containing whatever the barman cutout of a snake. The sight of it made your stomach drop, and to your astonishment, Sam actually drank it. He looked like he wanted to be sick but, no matter what he had to stay in character. Bucky gave a slight nod, he didn’t get a drink, not as the winter soldier.

You had let it be known of who you wanted to see and as you waited a man came up behind Zemo and you. He immediately guided you away from this man so he was in front of you and Zemo in front of the man. He knew you could hold your own, you had made that clear already, but he wanted to protect you. For the act of course. “You ain’t welcome here” the man stated, placing a hand roughly on zemos shoulder as he turned to face him. “I have no business with the powerbroker, but if he insists he can either talk to me” Zemo points at Bucky. His hand then slipped to yours, holding it tightly. “Or bring Selby for a chat”. The man looks displeased and walks away. You had many things you wanted to say to Zemo at this moment, but sticking to your character was more important. As he continued to grip your hand, other men started to menacingly prowl towards you all. Zemo gave Bucky the order to attack and so he did. A fight quickly broke out between them all but Bucky was far too strong for them all. This ended in Bucky holding one of the guys that remained standing against the bar table. Finally someone called to say selby was ready to see your group. This was going to be interesting.

Notes

Okay i left this on a little bit of a cliffhanger but the next chapter should be out in a day or so. This is my first fanfic i have published so I’m interested to see what everyone thinks. If there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes then umm you didn’t see anything. I hope you enjoyed!

@killsandthrills @aisling1985 @booklover2929 @arianalilyblack @your-pixels-are-showing @kenna-1904

[spiked-tea-writing]

and they were roommates?!

SapnapxFem!Reader

Summary: Imagine being in love with your roommate, couldn't be you.

Pronouns: She/her

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 2.3k

A/n: I don’t watch or know anything, I just like these people and I had a concept. Also, he and Dream aren’t roommates in this for the sake of I can’t figure that out. Also also, my timeline is probably fucked but who cares

The dynamic in the apartment was...interesting to say the least

In the two years of living together, it had shifted a lot

In the beginning, you and Sapnap had been... less than cordial to each other

Both eighteen, fresh out of high school, off to college thinking that you knew everything.

There was lots of fighting, to say the least.

All of the “No it’s your turn to vacuum”, and “I swear to god Sapnap I will punt you halfway across the world if you eat my pineapple again”

The only reason you didn’t slit each other’s throats was that if the other person was dead, who would pay rent?

It was the summer before college started at the time, and you were working long hours minimum wage so coming]’/ home to an annoying prick caused a crap ton of conflict

After a few months of being little bitches to each other, y’all got piss drunk in the apartment and it all just sorta fell apart

Got that good drunk therapy, spilling your deepest secrets

(y’all were underage but shhh)

So by the time college started, the two of you had become actual friends and started enjoying each others company

A few months into the friendship, you encouraged him to post the video of “Minecraft, but it’s Raining Cats and Dogs” on a whim

Lmao little did you know what you had created (we’ll get to that later)

You mocked his train of thought constantly, laughing at the timing of it all.

“Ahhh yes, I am Sapnap, the genius who thought it’d be great to become a YouTuber while in my first year of college.”

He’d always just laugh and roll his eyes, playfully shoving you while stealing your chips.

The next few months were a haze of studying, work, and him.

It was truly a friendship of convenience since you guys were so busy, him starting his youtube career, and you working restaurants, then school on top of that, it was just easy to find friendship in your roommate.

Of course, he had his close friends which he spoke to over the internet, and you had your friends from back home, but as for college, it really was only him.

You guys had a fun time just hanging around the apartment, and it became so easy to be friends with him

And it WAS truly platonic (we’ll get back to that as well)

The best thing he brought to the friendship was his animals

You got on fabulously with Cash and the cats

They were all so cuddly and honestly loved you more than him lmao

You guys were just trying to get degrees and not be too stupid, was that too much to ask???

Well to a certain 2020, it was

The beginning of that year was great.

He was sorta realizing that he liked putting himself on social media, but on top of that, it seemed like a great start to a year.

February brought him to twitch, which you loved

You found it hilarious how he would just sorta play games and have people watch him live.

But you were incredibly supportive, as a friend, of course

He really liked it so, you tried to ignore the shouting at three am, and the loud anthems at night

Sure you’d give him hell in the morning, but why kill his fun?

March started great, as it was his birthday.

You got him a glittery lighter as a gag, but it was the perfect gift for a broke-ass college student

Then a certain pandemic came a-knockin’ on y’all’s door

It was a hard hit on both of you.

An executive decision was made that you two would stay put, but being away from your families was incredibly tough.

That spring was the birth of The SMP.

It brought him so much joy, which in turn made you happier.

The rest of the school year was a blur of zooms and test

Nick nearly killed you on multiple occasions when you made fun of the fact that he was learning computer science over the computer or made him help you figure out what the fuck zoom was since it was tangentially related to his major

“SAP HELP ME YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ITS YOUR FUCKING MAJOR!!!”

“NO, IT’S- AHHHHHHHHH”

Yall got more than a handful of noise complaints shhhh

That summer was fill was spent trying to fill the time in weird ways

Note to self, he can’t cook (which you learned the hard way)

Yall spent so much time trying to cook and bake, then sweating off the calories working out with The Fitness Marshall lmao

As sucky as the situation was, that summer was so incredibly fun for the both of you, and truthfully the only arguments were about what music to blast

“Y/n I swear if I listen to Cosmicandy one more time I will drown you.”

“Well if I hear American Idiot one more time someone’s knee caps are getting harvested.”

(that argument was settled with Elton John.)

When school started up again that fall, something shifted

After a year of actual friendship, you guys were no longer just friends, and the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife

You had watched every single one of his streams since day one, but within 2 seconds of his Love or Host, you felt the need to hurl for some peculiar reason

It was bizarre because there was no way you could ever like him, of course not.

Within the apartment, you guys suddenly got a lot more touchy, but only because it was getting cold with winter and all that jazz.

It wasn’t because yall were secretly in love, what is this, a romcom?

The number of times you guys woke up on the couch, definitely not cuddling was too many to count

You started sitting in his room while he streamed, definitely not watching him with heart eyes because of how excited he got

He always had a pot of coffee full and a 6-pack of monster in the fridge since he knew you ran on spite and caffeine, and definitely not so that he could spend more time with you in the early hours of the morning.

The laundry started getting all mixed around, resulting in just sharing any sweats, hoodies, or socks.

The same thing went for food.

No longer was anything labeled with a name, if it was in the fridge, it was fair game (unless there was a post-it because come on, yall weren’t monsters)

But no, y’all were just roommates, not dating, lets make that clear.

Feelings? We don’t know her.

This entire time, his friends have had to hear about you rip.

But they got front row seats to your relationship development

“OMG my roommate is the worst she ate all of the frozen strawberries”

“Y/n kidnapped Storm all day while she studied and I thought I lost the fucking cat asjvdk”

“I had to run down and talk to the landlord because we dropped a pot of pasta sauce all over the carpet and couldn’t get the damn stain out.”

“She is so nice in preparation for a family dinner zoom, she ran out to the local Filipino food place and pick stuff up.”

“Sorry I’m late I overslept and didn’t want to wake up Y/n.”

They weren’t stupid, and could clearly see how whipped he was.

Dream and Geroge teased him about it constantly.

“Woah, calm down Sap, you should probably tell her you love her before you propose.”

“Yeah Dream’s right, it’s kinda weird that you’re living together before ever dating.”

He always flushed and denied it with a shake of his head.

He wasn’t into you, are they crazy?

Quackity and Karl messed with him in more unorthodox ways

There are a solid number of clips where they are fake crying over how he’s cheating on them, and even more tweets to match

It only got worse when you met them accidentally.

He was chatting post-stream on a video channel with George, Dream, Karl, and Quackity, and just his luck, you came into his room.

Like of all the times you could walk in, it was the time he was with his five closest friends but I digress

“Yo I got some extra tips yesterday so I picked up some extra Red Bull if you want to do one of your weird all-nighter streams.”

“Y/n I’m on channel.”

“Oh shit sorry my b. Catch.”

All the guys heard was a thud and a groan from Sapnap as the six-pack hit him in the chest.

Dream was the one to recognize your name.

“WAIT IS THAT Y/N I WANT TO MEET THEM!”

You could hear Dream’s voice through his headphones

“Sap… who is that?”

“No one. I’ll be out in a sec to help with dinner.”

You could hear a British voice come through.

“Oh so we are no one now, huh.”

Another voice piped through.

“Common... ¿Qué intentas ocultar?”

You cut in.

“Your headset it shit my guy. I can hear everything. I’m down to talk to them.”

He let out a groan.

“Fine. But you’re gonna have to do the dishes tonight.”

“Deal. Now move.”

“What? No.”

“Fine bitch.”

You collapsed onto his lap, plucking the headphones off of him.

“Hello, Sapnap’s friends. I am Y/n. A pleasure to meet y’all. Can you hear me?”

You heard a series of laughs through the headset, and a voice came through.

“Yes, we can see you too. I’m Karl, it’s so nice to finally meet his girlfriend.”

A blush rose on both of your faces, and another voice came through.

“Yeah, we’ve heard lots about you. Plus we can’t see your face in that picture Sap sent us. I’m Quackity”

That remark stopped your embarrassment in its tracks.

“What the fuck? How do you guys know me? I’m not even his girlfriend? And what picture?”

Sapnap grabbed your arm to calm you down as another voice cut in, but his one you recognized as his friend Dream.

“Hey, it’s okay. He just talks about you a bit, and the picture I believe was of you holding like three cats with like a red bull can on your head.”

“Jesus fucking christ why do they have that photo??”

He looked guilty but chuckled.

“Because that photo is a damn masterpiece.”

Karl’s voice came back in with a giggled.

“Soooo, Y/n we’d love to hear about you. Specifically anything funny or embarrassing that you have learned by living with him.”

Sapnap let out a groan from behind you as you went off.

“WELL lemme tell y’all, he has no cooking knowledge, well I mean, now he does, but one time, about a year ago, I had I been keeping a pot of water boiling for about an hour, soft boiling eggs, cooing noodles, blanching bok choy, etc. but this fucking genius is like ‘oH tHe HaNdLe Is StIcKiNg OuT. LeMmE mOvE iT wItH mY bArE hAnD.’ Needless to say, he burnt the crap outta his hand and kept the bag of frozen blueberries on it for the entire night. It took me like a solid five seconds to actually help him because I was laughing.”

By the time you had finished that story, you had seen Nick roll his eyes like 5 five times while the rest of the guys were wheezing.

“Yeah, well remember the time you were trying to imitate Rapunzel after we had watched it over Zoom with my sister, and you swung the edge of the frying pan into our head and got a nasty bump on it? At least I moved quick enough to put some ice on it.”

“Ice? It was the damn leftover Slushy that I had been freezing.”

“True, but you got to drink it after, so it was a win-win situation.”

“Sap, I had a bump the size of a golfball coming off of my temple. There was no winning.”

“Fine, you’re just making me sound like such a shit roommate.”

“No that’s not true, you do all of the talking to the landlord, and you at least tried to muffle the noise when you stream.”

“I guess that’s true, but you do like 80% of the cleaning.”

“Yeah but only because you’re working. Plus in the past 6 months, you’ve made coffee every morning, AND made sure I was taking my meds.”

“Those things aren’t that hard and I do it to make sure you don’t die because I lo- care about you.”

“What?”

“What?”

You heard Dream’s wheeze laugh and remembered that you guys were still on call.

“Smooth.”

You both went red, and Sap moved his arm around you to leave the channel.

The next few moments were complete torture, the two of you just sitting in silence.

You were wondering if he meant what he was about to say and he was scared that you had heard it.

He was the one to break the silence. (mind you you’re still sitting on his lap lmao)

“I’m sorry about that.”

You weren’t sure how to respond. Should you ask him if he meant it? Because that wouldn’t be that bad. Or just pretend it never happened. Nah that’d be hella awkward. Or-

“I love you too.”

“You what?”

Wow, okay your brain is being a little bitch rn, but fuck it. Balls to the walls baby.

“I love you, and I have for a while now. I just want you to know.”

You finally looked him in the eye, and he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Thank god. I love you, and nearly fucking told you for the first time in front of my friends accidentally. Damn, I’m smooth.”

You laughed and he smiled wider.

“Can I kiss you?”

After a quick nod he swooped in and holy hell his lips felt great. His arm wound around your waist and your hands made their way to his jaw as he pulled you closer to him.

The only thing playing in your mind was “and they were roommates”

[janamelie]

Dimension Jump XXI Report

I suppose I’m a DJ veteran now as this was my fifth consecutive one and the fourth at the Nottingham Crowne Plaza which is an expensive four-star hotel.  Sharing with a friend helps keep the cost reasonable and honestly, it’s worth it for the sheer convenience of being right there in the hotel and being able to nip back to your room as required.  (To be clear, you don’t have to stay in the hotel to attend the con.  There are plenty of other hotels nearby.)

Plus there is always the chance that you’ll see a guest at breakfast as I did Danny once.  He picked out a few pieces of fruit and nibbled at them before wandering over late to his photoshoot.  What else would you expect from a cat though?

Friday

Myself and @downonthepharm-red-dwarf (Amy) had arrived the previous day so had plenty of time to be near the front of the queue for registration.  Which meant we saw Hattie Hayridge arrive in a stunning designer coat and with smart luggage.  She really brought her outfit A-game and looked great the whole weekend.

Once we’d presented our respective proofs of full Covid vaccination or a recent negative test, we were given our DJ passes and booklets.  The latter has spaces for signatures from guests, an Order Of Events and various handy tips for the weekend.

The con kicks off at 5pm with an hour of gradual build-up in the Main Hall - they show videos from previous events, specially made titbits with various guests past and present such as Mark Dexter doing a mock guide to DJ and Rebecca Blackstone voicing Pree.  It all helps with the atmosphere, as do the numerous RD posters dotted around the hotel.

Then it was time for the Opening Ceremony featuring various Fan Club team members and an overcrowded stage full of cardboard boxes - the joke was that they’d had too much time on their hands during lockdowns and bought loads of stuff online.  It was obviously also a nod to Lister’s hoarding in “The Promised Land”.  

The sketch featured a specially made shot of the AA adverts’ Starbug model landing outside the Crowne Plaza and an 80s computerised version of the lovely convention logo.  You could tell a lot of loving effort had gone into the whole thing.

Once the guest line-up had been announced (I’ll get to that not-really-a-surprise-guest shortly), we went straight into the RD Pub Quiz, hosted by Hattie.  DOTP and I had been joined at our table by Lapsang and Barbs from our Discord (No Kind Of Atmosphere) plus various other attendees we’d befriended.

Someone in the crowd yelled “I love you, Hattie!” to which she quipped “I’ve pulled already!”  Another bloke shouted “Fuck off, she’s mine!” which led to a few shouts of “Fight!”  When neither seemed keen to do so, Hattie joked: “Only two?  That’s a bit pathetic!” and then we got started.

The quiz is hard, by design, but I’m good at quizzes and my team - No Kind Of Atmosphere after our Discord - came joint third which was gratifying.  (I was on the winning team a few DJs ago, to blow my own trumpet for a moment.  This is my report, after all.)

And then it was time for the first guest Q&A with - surprise, surprise - Johnny Vegas aka the Crit Cop in “Timewave”.  Not a great episode but he more than made up for that with an appearance I can only describe as chaotic.  Warning - DO NOT attempt to heckle him unless you want to be singled out and humiliated in front of the entire audience in a “Can’t look away” fashion which was nonetheless entertaining.  The man in question tweeted about it afterwards and seems to have taken it in good spirit.

Once we’d moved on from encouraging people to leave unpleasant things in room 429, it turned out Johnny’s a big fan of the show and owned it on VHS (so did I).  He thinks of the main characters, Holly would win at “Taskmaster” and had good reasons for that conclusion.  

He was dubious about the pink costume he wore in “Timewave” as he thought it might take away from the character but said he eventually decided he needed to get over what he was wearing and just go for it.  He also said one of his worst working moments was on “Benidorm” when he had to hold his breath underwater in a freezing swimming pool and his co-star kept forgetting her two lines so they had over 30 takes.  Ouch.

Johnny left commenting that he got less love at his 50th birthday party.  But we hadn’t seen the last of him by any means as people kept buying him drinks during the Auction, leading to him successfully bidding for one of the items on offer.

And then he was back for the Karaoke.  Now if you - as he informed us - had to undergo emergency dental surgery in the morning and had practically lost your voice, would you sing karaoke?  And not only that, would you sing a version of “Love On The Rocks” which lasted 11 minutes according to someone on Twitter (I wasn’t timing it, but I can believe it), followed by the full-length version of “American Pie”?

If you answered no, you’re clearly not Johnny Vegas.  He went to bed so late that the unfortunate Fan Club team member assigned to look after him got a grand total of 90 minutes’ sleep.

Saturday

DOTP and I had paid for the Photoshoot with Mr Vegas, Danny John-Jules and Ray Fearon.  We got in the queue at 9am which was when it was supposed to start.  An hour later we were still waiting.  Yep, Danny was late.

Once he made it to the hotel, I got my photo in front of a Science Room backdrop.  You might think Mr Vegas would be hungover and rushing through it, but on the contrary, he was still enjoying the hell out of proceedings which was refreshing to see.  Since he’d been added to the line-up too late to be in the souvenir booklet, he signed extra inserts for the Fan Club which they handed out to everyone at the later Autograph sessions so attendees got his autograph after all even though he’d finally left.  That’s what I call throwing yourself into an event.

Next up was a combined Q&A with Danny and Ray (originally separate but Danny’s lateness meant they were teamed up).  This wasn’t a problem at all though - on the contrary, it worked really well as the chumminess between them added to the vibe.  Also it was Ray’s first convention so he probably preferred to have Danny backing him up, especially since the poor man tripped on his way to the stage and almost fell.  I don’t think he was hurt but I cringed with secondhand embarrassment and empathy.  He wasn’t the only one to fall foul of the edge of the stage that weekend; I think it was the slightly raised dancefloor in front of it.

As is usual for Danny, we were treated to over half an hour of what you can only really describe as a stream of consciousness as he pontificated about various things.  He and Ray did also talk about working together on “Death In Paradise” and Ray described his worst working experience there - he had to play a scene in a club in 45 degree heat with a live snake wrapped around his neck!

Ray is attractive in a “Hollywood hunk” way and Danny was clearly conscious of this, joking that he’d “brought his own security with him” and muttering “I’m better-looking anyway!”  But all in a jokey way as they’re clearly friends.

Danny had come from filming and dropped a heavy hint that he’s appearing in a Dickens adaptation which I imagine will be shown at Christmas as they generally are.  He also complained that Craig Charles never answers his phone: “You send him a message and he answers it on Twitter a month later!”  (Interestingly, Chris Barrie later mentioned a recent phone conversation with Craig so make of that what you will.)

Ray was quieter but happy to talk about the vagaries of showbiz and typecasting - he said that due to his Shakespearean background he gets a lot of serious roles so people were genuinely surprised that he could also do comedy but “I was always funny!”  He also gently teased Danny about the age of some of his references before admitting he still finds Tommy Cooper funny.

Danny usually performs “Tongue-tied” with a good grace when inevitably asked to by an audience member but perhaps it’s finally starting to pall as this time he did it in the style of Oliver Reed’s Bill Sykes and included a lot of X-rated references to cunnilingus etc.  It was entertaining though.

Next up was a live Q&A (over Zoom) with Chris Barrie.  Danny decided to stick around as he wanted to show Chris something he’d ordered online.  It took a while to get the cameras in the right position for Chris to be able to see it and Danny needed a knife to open the parcel, leading Chris to quip “Is this a good time for me to step out for some lunch?”

However, it turned out to be worth it as it was a custom-made Ace Rimmer doll which impressed Chris with its quality and he complimented the maker.

Danny and Ray then departed for their lunch and to take part in the Coffee Lounge which this year had reduced its numbers for Covid-related reasons and held a ballot for entry in the interests of fairness.  Amy and I didn’t get in but happily stayed for the rest of Chris’s Q&A.

In the “working from home” spirit, Chris was in a hoodie in his living room as opposed to his more usual smart suit.  He was suitably relaxed and revealed he got through lockdown by concentrating on the things which make him happy, such as his hobbies, his garden and his family.  His favourite episodes are “Marooned”, “Dimension Jump” and - less predictably - “Twentica”.  He also referred to a recent “mannerly, as he would call it” phone conversation with Craig.  No details but it had clearly been a positive experience.

Amy decided to liven up the ending of his Q&A by asking a vitally important, “TPL”-related question.  Whom would Rimmer find more attractive, a female version of Lister or a female version of Cat?

Once the laughter had died down and Chris had bought some time by pointing out that “neither of them are women”, he gave the question appropriate consideration.  He pondered whether Rimmer would be more taken by the “simple charms” of Lister or the “feline grace” of Cat.  This next bit is courtesy of Amy as my memory isn’t infallible: He said it’d be a choice between a feline form or a rounder, a bit more slovenly woman - he wouldn’t want the perfectly feline woman because she might not like his imperfections, but he also wouldn’t want someone who ate curry three times a day.  “Basically, a balance would be ideal.”

That was the last question but Chris provided a little more entertainment as he had a “How do you turn this off then?” moment a la Gordon the computer in “Better Than Life” and made amusing faces as he figured it out.  If it was anyone but Chris I’d think it was a deliberate reference to that but I think he was genuinely befuddled.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Autographs with Hattie, Danny, Ray and Norman Lovett.  I got the latter three to sign the “TPL” poster I’d brought with me but gave Hattie the booklet instead as it seemed more tactful.  She complimented the dress I was wearing and I returned the compliment, telling her how much the fans appreciate the effort she makes with her DJ outfits.

Norman commented how there’s a version of the “TPL” poster he isn’t on, bemusedly.  Fortunately mine was the version including him. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the bar with Amy, Lapsang and Barbs, chatting to other attendees.  Graphic Designer Matthew Clark was now in the Merchandise Room with various props from Series XII and “TPL” including the Starbug manual used onscreen.  I got his autograph on my poster but it’s an incomprehensible squiggle.  Oh well.  He was very friendly and easy to talk to.

After a break for dinner, the Main Hall reopened for the Costume Competition.  This seems to get better every DJ, with an amazing “Greyscale Rimmer” who was discomfiting to be around due to the corpse-like makeup, a Natalina Pushkin, a Nirvanah Crane who could almost have been Jane Horrocks herself and a Diving Suit Cat from “BTE”.  Other entries included Rimmer’s Mum, “Giraffes who were armed and dangerous” and a Confidence And Paranoia who were later pictured at the bar chatting to Paranoia himself, Lee Cornes.

We then had a special video message from Doug Naylor which I won’t go into as I’m sure everyone’s already heard the details.  Suffice to say, his tone was positive.

The second Auction was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who made it more entertaining by adding his own commentary to each item.  This was followed by a stand-up set from Norman.  It was amusing but he misjudged the mood a bit, I feel.  When you’re waiting for a disco to start and it’s already hours late due to Danny’s tardiness, you don’t particularly want to contemplate your own mortality.  We were here to get away from all that, as much as possible.

Anyway, the Disco was a lot of fun even if Dave Benson Phillips’ presence as host was sorely missed.  Hattie danced for the best part of an hour alongside everyone else.  The stand-in DJs did their job and I stayed until the end.  The final two songs were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and … “Tongue-tied”.

Sunday

Not being in the Sunday Photoshoot, Amy and I had a nice leisurely breakfast and got over last night’s festivities before the first Q&A, live over Zoom with Robert Llewellyn.

This was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who in his capacity as Dave era audience warm-up knows Robert well.  Clearly well enough to get away with teasing him relentlessly about not being at the con in person until poor Robert was a mess of Krytenesque guilt.  

His protestations that he’d been scheduled to be in Munich this weekend but no longer was (he was at home) only made things worse.  Ian: “Oh, so that’s two sets of people you’ve disappointed now!  Stop saying yes to things!”  It was hilarious and Robert took it in its intended spirit.  Also Ian was getting a measure of revenge for Robert - in character as Kryten - dry humping him at recordings.  One attendee asked “With the groinal attachment?!”

Robert admitted that he finds Kryten’s various groinal attachments hilarious and if he was writing the show they’d be in every episode.  He praised Doug’s restraint.

He also admitted that in “TPL” he had an earpiece to have his lines fed to him.  Since it’s controlled by an iPad, certain unscrupulous cast members took great delight in feeding him rude ones.

He still intends to update “The Man In The Rubber Mask” but atm “Fully Charged” is consuming a lot of his time as it’s become much more successful than he anticipated and he’s in charge of several people.

Surprisingly, he would hate appearing in RD without the Kryten makeup, both because it’s become much quicker to apply and because it provides him with a shield and he becomes Kryten and forgets stagefright.  He still can’t watch “DNA” for that reason.

Lapsang, who played Kryten in “Into The Gloop”, asked Robert if he’d seen it.  He hadn’t but said he was now very curious and would find a way to.

Next up was Lee Cornes aka Paranoia who said he originally auditioned for the lead roles and like the other unsuccessful actors got the consolation prize of a guest appearance.  Upon being asked if he’d gone out for a drink with Craig Ferguson’s Confidence, he said no because at the time they had a frosty relationship due to rumours that Craig was plagiarising other comics’ jokes.  Lee said it was all very silly and he’s since apologised.

Interestingly, Lee is a qualified science teacher and carried on with that career alongside his media one, leading to surreal situations where his pupils would ask: “Sir?  Were you on the telly last night?”  “Yes.”  “Are we on the telly now, sir?”

Someone asked a good question - what would Lister’s Paranoia be like now 33 years later?  Lee would be willing to reprise the role but isn’t sure it would work as the original had a childish quality whereas he feels now the character would be a lot darker and less funny.  Lee was both thoughtful and entertaining in his responses.

He was followed onstage by Hattie and Norman, who resolutely refused to rise to the bait of an audience member attempting to stir up a rivalry between them.  That only works when one isn’t the nicest person you could meet.

A tactless audience member asked both if they’d watched “TPL” instead of directing the question at Norman.  Luckily Hattie had seen it and particularly enjoyed the cat flap joke although she felt there was a little too much focus on the guest cast.

Norman didn’t really watch RD after he left but Hattie has seen Norman’s early episodes as he lent them to her back when she was originally cast as Hilly for research purposes.  Bear in mind this was 1988 when they weren’t even available on VHS so presumably he recorded them off the TV.  

Hattie confirmed with a sigh that she’s simply never been asked to return in any capacity: “That’s the short answer.”  What the hell, I’ll say it one more time - Bring Back Hattie!  One episode, that’s all I ask.  As it stands, it’s starting to look like a pointed and deliberate snub which mystifies me.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Rob Grant and Paul Jackson.  For obvious reasons they didn’t go into the current legal mess, opting instead to entertain the fans with the story of how they met and their early pre-RD work (Rob and Doug as freelance writers for Paul’s producer).

We saw some clips from their early shows including “Three Of A Kind” with Lenny Henry, Tracy Ullman and … later magician David Copperfield; apparently they all had the same agent and Paul took on David as a favour.  For a 40 year old show it held up pretty well and was in much better sound and picture quality than older shows often are. “Carrott’s Lib” was just as funny.

It’s a bit hard to summarise but this session was entertaining and gripping.  Rob still wants to write another RD novel and I believe there’s nothing actually stopping him as both he and Doug had an option to write a second solo novel.  So we’ll see.

The final Q&A was Matthew Clark who was very informative and interesting, showing us numerous production stills from Series XII and “TPL” and talking us through them.  There was a groan when time was called before he was finished.

By now time was running short and Amy and I went back to the room to pack and leave our luggage with reception before watching the start of “Dibbley Family Fortunes”. Since I knew I wouldn’t have time to watch it all, I instead nipped upstairs to Autographs with Lee and Ian, timing it perfectly as the queue had almost vanished.

Ian was still performing, drawing scornful attention to the fact that Lee had a longer queue: “Can you imagine all these people queueing to see Lee Cornes?!”  It sounds rude out of context but he was clearly joking.

I decided to ask Lee what flavour the yogurt Paranoia eats was.  He said it didn’t really taste of anything as it was the cheapest, nastiest canteen yogurt available and was also starting to curdle under the studio lights so eating it can’t have been much fun.

Since I now had about 15 minutes before I had to go, I caught a bit of Dibbley Family Fortunes, said goodbye to Amy, Lapsang and Barbs and then dashed off to catch the tram to the train station.  Another great DJ.

[rpd-rookie]

What Does The ‘S’ Stand For ? - Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

Summary: When you learn that Leon got the job you desperately wanted you decide to pay him a visit to congratulate him and finally put an end to the competition between the two of you in favour of some cooperation. Turns out, cooperation sometimes involve taking your clothes off.

Author’s Note: Some one-shot involving (pre) RE2 Remake Leon, a very sassy reader and some smut. I haven't written that genre in a while though. Hope I'm not too rusty. And by the way, if you notice some terrible grammatical mistakes please let me know (English is not my mother tongue). Anyway, I wish you'll like this story and as usual don't forget to like/reblog and tell me what you think about it.

Warning: SMUT and Language. You can also expect some humour and some fluff. 

Also available on AO3

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off.” Wise words. But clearly Roosevelt never had to compete with Kennedy, and by Kennedy you didn’t mean John F. Kennedy but another Kennedy, one with less charisma yet better hair (hell, got to render unto Caesar what’s Caesar’s), Leon S. Kennedy - ‘S’ probably standing for “sucker” or “saint” in your opinion. After all, the guy was such a goody two-shoes. Teacher’s favourite. Neat and tidy top student. Perfect arbiter of right and wrong. And certainly, the only guy in the academy who didn’t stick his cock in Barbara Johnson’s pussy. Weird since she also had a president’s name just like him. Could have been the perfect opportunity for a horizontal presidential debate.

If it wasn’t clear already, you didn’t like Kennedy very much. But it was not for the reasons mentioned above. No, you could tolerate the fact that he was the embodiment of virtue and morals. What you could not tolerate though, was that he was better than you at everything. At fundamentals, at crime prevention and analysis, at counterintelligence, at physical agility, at shooting, at… well, you get the point. It infuriated you. He infuriated you. You never had the chance to beat him. Never. He was always top of your class and you were always close second.           So of course, when you received the letter from the Raccoon City Police Department informing you that your application had been rejected and that the position had been given to someone else, you did the math.       Only Kennedy could have taken that job away from you. After all, you had heard him talking about Raccoon City at lunch break quite a few times in the past weeks and each time he had sounded so excited – well, as excited as cannibalistic murders can make you of course. Truth is, you had also shown interest in this city the moment its terrible crimes hit the first page of the newspapers alongside the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, collecting every tiny article about it and telling your classmates what a thrilling experience it would be to work on that case. You had even imagined yourself wearing the blue uniform, RPD largely written on your chest, making a report about the rotting body of a camper found in the Arklay mountains.

You sighed, disappointment hitting you hard again. And with a hesitant hand, you knocked at the door in front of you somewhat ready to let go of the competition in favour of some cooperation. You barely waited a couple of seconds before Kennedy opened the door, a cordless telephone against his ear. He appeared genuinely surprised to see you there. “Call you back later, mom.” He said before hanging up the phone, still staring at you with astonished eyes. “Y/N.”   

“Telling your mommy about the amazing job you just got?” Your question had sounded more barbed and curter than indented. Bitterness probably. Leon sighed. He knew exactly what you meant. “Look, if it is about Raccoon City…” “Of course it is about Raccoon City. Why do you think I’m here? To discuss fashion?” You entered his bedsit without asking and looked around you. So well organized and tidy, so military. Pff. Where were the greasy pizza boxes, the nasty underwear on the floor and the bin filled with used tissues all the other guys usually had?      

You turned around to face him with a stone cold expression. “I’m guessing you knew I wanted that post.”           “Yeah but…” You cut him off. You couldn’t care less about the thing he wanted to say. “I don’t blame you. Had I been in your place I would have apply for it too. Damn, I even applied without being in your place, so … The point is, I wanted to congratulate you – even if it hurts me to do so – and tell you that I’m glad this competition between the two of us is finally coming to end.” Leon briefly chuckled and kept an amused smile on his face. This wasn’t the kind of words he had expected from you. “Well, thanks I guess.”       “You’re welcome” You dramatically put a hand over your heart “Gosh, it kills me to be so polite to you, Kennedy.” He retained a laugh and you approached him to slam a heavy blue binder against his - surprisingly strong - chest. Wow, muscles! “Take this.” You reluctantly said with a strangled voice as if you were a mother giving up her baby . “Take care of it. It’s the work of a lifetime … sort of.”

Leon furrowed his brows and opened the folder. Inside, there were all the articles you had collected about Raccoon City since the reveal of the incidents to the public eye plus some notes you had written during you personal late-night investigations. Leon skimmed through them. They were incredibly detailed and you could see how impressed he was. Damn, you wished you had your camera to immortalise this moment. “It won’t be of any use to me now. And it took me too much time to just throw it away so have it. Take it as parting gift.” “Wow, Y/N. I don’t know what to say.” He looked beyond happy. It made you smile. What the hell, Y/N?           “Thank you, maybe?” You swallowed you smile back before he could notice, choosing to replace what could have been something sweet and nice by sarcasm. “Yes, sure.” He grinned. “Thank you.” You nodded. “I don’t want you to have a heart attack so you’re not obliged to say ‘you’re welcome’.” He teased you and as much as you wanted to find the joke lame, you surprisingly found it rather funny.   “Good. Cause that would have been too much for my heart to take in a single day.” He smiled again and this time you couldn’t help but gaze. You were forced to acknowledge he was very cute, handsome even, certainly the kind of guy you would have willingly flirt with if it hadn’t been for the relentless competition between the two of you. “You know it’s nice to see you smile.” Your eyes slightly widened. You had been smiling the whole time? No! “That wasn’t a smile. That was a sneer.” You quickly replied, trying to prevent him from spotting the sudden panic in your eyes.   “Sure.” But yeah, that was definitely a smile and right now your cheeks were burning.

You cleared your throat and looked back upon his face, hoping yours had found back its usual seriousness and scorn. “Well, gotta go. Good riddance, Kennedy. Good luck and try not to screw up.” You proceeded to the door, glad this conversation was over, but Leon was not ready to let you leave just yet. “You know, for me, there was never a competition between us.” You stopped and turned around. “What?” You frowned. “Of course, there was a competition.” He shook his head. “Not for me.”   “Are you telling me that I have deprived myself of sleeping, fallen into coffee addiction and lost my entire social life for two years in the hope of finally beating you at a freaking test while you …” You could tell he was clearly trying not to laugh but his mocking grin was enough to make you blow a fuse. Well, a funny fuse … a funny desperate fuse “No! No!” You repeated, all irritated. “You’re kidding me!” He shrugged, playing all innocent. “Don’t fucking tell me you let me tilt at windmills!” He did. Bastard. Leon - Son of a bitch - Kennedy! That’s what the S stands for. You cursed in your head.           “I tried to tell you …” He started to explain to defend himself. “When?” You harrumphed, almost shouting at him. “Well, many times but …”           “Clearly not enough times.” Your sarcasm was back. “… each time you sent me packing” “I don’t do that.” You felt offended.         “I can’t barely make a full sentence with you!” You opened your mouth to retort but he stopped you by pointing a finger that undeniably meant ‘Careful what you’re going to say’. So you stood there, perfectly still, mouth opened, realising that he was probably right.             “You’re allowed to breath, you know.” He said as a response to your reaction but you didn’t know what to say anymore. Did you really spend all your time at the academy trying to win a non-existent competition? “Fuck.” You cursed, definitely dumbfounded.

Leon observed you, perplexed and wondering if you were going to stay rooted to the spot for the rest of the day. “Y/N” He waved in front of your face to pull you out from your thoughts but you barely noticed. “All that repressed sexual tension for nothing?” You asked yourself. Wait! Did you just say that out loud?           Panic-stricken, you looked up at Leon and judging by the way he was staring at you – all  ‘what the hell did she just say?’ – yep you did.       “You didn’t hear what I’ve just said.” You waved your hand past his face, like a Jedi would do in a Star Wars movie, knowing perfectly it wouldn’t work but hoping that ridicule would make the situation less awkward and give you a chance to run away from his room. It was a failure. “Yes, I did.”

And just like that, Leon Saint Sucker Son of a Bitch – whatever the S stood for - Kennedy caught your face in his hands and kissed you with a passion that made you gasp against him. You tried to resist for a second but then you decided to let go. After all, you had nothing to lose. The study years could be considered over and soon Leon would be in Raccoon City analysing amazing crimes while you would be God-knows-where writing parking tickets. You would never see each other again.     “Tell that to anyone, Kennedy and I’ll kick your gorgeous butt from here to Raccoon City.” You threatened, close to his mouth. “I won’t. Scout’s honour.” Leon Scout Kennedy? You shook your head (Stop being silly, Y/N!) before pushing Leon on the convertible sofa behind him.  

You straddled him without waiting, definitely willing to let your sudden eagerness and your repressed desire for him get the better of you. You met his lips in a new heated kiss, your body pressed against his, craving for lustful friction. And by the way Leon was holding you tight you could tell you weren’t the only one.             His tongue asked permission to enter your mouth and you happily granted it. Who would have thought that Leon Saint Kennedy was such a skilled kisser? Couldn’t he suck for once? Oh yeah, he could suck at your neck apparently. Damn.   A moan escaped your throat and you felt Leon smirk against your skin. “You like that?” He asked, proud of himself. You instinctively arched your neck asking for more, your hands weaving into his soft hair. “It’s not that bad.” You acknowledged and he suddenly bit you in the nape of your neck. “What the fuck?” You shouted, surprised. Leon laughed and you caught his face to kiss him and bite his lips in retaliation. But judging by the kinky smile on his angelic face, he didn’t seem to mind.             “You’re incorrigible.” You humoured. “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.” He pecked your lips again and again and slowly began leaving a trail of light kissed down to your neck. “You’d better be. Aren’t you tired of making my life a misery?” You pretended to sulk as he kept on pressing his soft lips on your burning skin. You grabbed his chin, putting you thumb in his dimple and stared at him. How ridiculously hot he was right now with that arousal tinting his beautiful blue eyes and this dishevelled hair.  

“What do you have in mind, Y/N?” Rhetorical question. He knew exactly what you had in mind. Hell, it was basically the same thing he had in his.     “Stop playing coy and take your clothes off.” You whispered close to his face, your hot breath against his mouth, before pulling his bottom lip between your teeth “What about your silly competition?” He murmured back, his hands slowly falling along your sides.   “I’m all in for cooperation right now. So are you gonna give me a hand …” You started unbuckling his belt. “…or do I need to do everything by myself?” His eyes fixed upon yours mischievous ones, gazing at you with awe. You could tell he was completely at your mercy. “I’ll give you more than a hand.” You smirked and allowed your hands to unbutton his jeans. “I thought so.” He lifted his rear and you pulled down his jeans along with his boxers, biting your lips at the view of his beautiful cock. Jesus Christ Kennedy, Mother Nature certainly had been kind to you.

You stood up to undress yourself as well, dropping all your clothes to the floor, your eyes watching at Leon’s hastening hands fighting desperately with the buttons of his shirt. Clearly, you weren’t the only one that was impatient in this room, or horny.   You let him finish before taking your place back on his laps. His hard sex against your body, you slightly shivered, impatience eating you from within. “You’re gorgeous.” He said as he tucked few strands of your hair behind your ear. You couldn’t help but blush, not used to such compliments, and, as a consequence, in order to erase all sense of discomfort in you (if you could call it like that), you decided to focus your attention on his cock.   You brushed his length with your fingertips, admiring it with envy and lust, excited to do more with it. It made Leon hiss and you looked up at him. His eyes were pleading you. Without looking away from the blueness of his look, you caught his penis in your hand and started pumping it gently. Leon’s eyelids flickered; his head hit the back of the sofa and his mouth opened slightly. He seemed thankful, relieved even. You continued your gesture, watching him melting underneath you, listening to his now ragged breath with delight. God, that was sexy. He was sexy. Leon Sexy Kennedy. Suited him.

You bit your lips and decided to venture in between his legs, kneeling onto the floor. “What are you …” Leon complained when he suddenly stopped feeling you on top of him. You cut him short by guiding his cock to your mouth to softly kiss the pre cum-covered tip “Holy...” The rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat and turned into a growl as you eagerly sucked the head of his cock like a Popsicle. You smiled and licked his length, staring at how ecstatic he looked from this angle. “You like that?” You winked as you quoted him and he laughed. “Women.”   You engulfed his cock deep in your mouth and started bobbing your head. A new sigh of pleasure escaped his mouth and you felt him instantly relax on the couch. “God, you’re amazing.” You liked the compliment and to show your appreciation you decided to massage his balls as you kept on sucking him. You received a lustful grunt in response and soon Leon’s hand grabbed your hair to give you a quicker pace, almost making you gag on him. “Oh, sorry.“ What a gentleman! “That’s okay.” You smiled in a very naughty way. “I like it.” He chortled and you took back his dick in your mouth, welcoming it deeper to show him you didn’t mind some roughness. “You know, if you keep doing this I’m soon going to cum in your mouth.”             You stopped, licked your lips and crawled back onto his lap. “That would be a shame.” You joked sarcastically, hands back in his hair “Got a condom?”

The way you pronounced the words, all smiley and adorable, made him laugh again. He pushed you softly to open the drawer of his nightstand and find your one-way ticket for cloud nine. “There!” He announced excited as he showed you the contraceptive. “But first …” He suddenly grabbed your ankles to pull you towards him, making you slightly yelp in the process. “There’s something I got to do”   He lay down on the couch, spread your legs and immediately nestled his head right in between your thighs, making you instantly shiver. So, that’s what he got to do.   You sighed when you felt his breath against you swollen clit but it was only when his tongue met your pink flesh that you realised how aroused you truly were. You were so wet.           “Fuck, am I the one to blame for such a mess?” He joked but his mouth and tongue felt so good in between your thighs that you could only just moan and arch your back, begging for proper sucking and licking. He didn’t make you wait and gave you what you wanted as he started fondling your clit with his tongue. “Leon” That was the first time you where saying his first name and you got to admit, you liked the sound of it. “Yes, sweetheart?”   “Keep going, please.” You begged and he sucked on your bud, gazing at you melting under his touch as he did. You grasped his hair when he finally let a finger enter your core. Fuck, he was good. You moved your hips instinctively against him and he added a new finger. It sank into you as easily as the first one and you cried out, finding it impossible to be discreet anymore. “Fuck, Leon. I want you. I want you now.” You begged.   “Wait a second.” He asked, definitely loving your taste too much for him to stop just now. He pumped his fingers in your pussy, licking your juices greedily and you clenched your thighs around his head, feeling the imminence of your orgasm slowly yet surely approaching. “Now, Leon. Now! Please”

Leon obeyed this time and he quickly sat up and grabbed the condom he had left on the pillow next to him. He put the red wrapper between his teeth and tore it open. Then he rolled the condom down his length with both his hands. You watched him all the time, your fingers massaging your clit, finding him terribly arousing at this very moment.

Once ready, Leon bent over you to kiss you again and he tapped his hard cock on your hand to ask access to your humid entrance. You didn’t object of course and even spread your legs wider. Soon enough, you felt him slide in between your wet lips and then finally push slowly yet exquisitely inside of you. You closed your eyes as he did and drew a sharp breath once you felt him fully inside. You didn’t need time to adjust to him as if your body was meant for him. Guess Leon felt it too as he immediately took a quick pace and began pounding you. You let your hands wander on his smooth chest from his strong pectorals down to his divine abs and the chiselled V below his navel, finding him simply gorgeous. Then you grasped his hips, and nudge his rear with your ankles, pressing his pelvis closer to you to take him deeper, and started moaning his name again. His hands caught your bouncing breasts to play with your nipples, and you rapidly felt the strong wave of pleasure back in your core, ready to drown you. “Fuck, Leon!” His mouth met one of your teats and sucked on it with ardour. That was too much to handle. “I think I’m gonna cum.” You cried out.         “Yeah?” You nodded, letting a tear of pleasure escape your eyes. “Cum for me then.” He didn’t have to say it twice and few seconds later, you dug your nails in his hipbones and screamed loudly as you clenched around his cock, finally coming undone under his thrusts.

Stunned, breathless and at the same time a bit embarrassed that you had already reached your orgasm, you let Leon kiss you soft lips with a smile on his face. “See, you reached the finishing line before me.” He humoured.           “Fuck off.” You whispered, amused yet completely exhausted. He chuckled and pressed his lips against yours one more time before gently pushing you flat on your stomach. “I’m not done with you yet.” He whispered in your ear.  

You moaned loudly when he thrust back into your wet core, pinning you down on the mattress that you ultimately grabbed tightly in order to stay in place. He started pounding you again, holding you by the hips, taking delight in watching your sweet butt bouncing against him as he was burying himself deeper than he had ever done before. “Jesus, Y/N!” He growled before spanking you.         You gasped, astonished but in a good way. You had never thought he was that kind of guy. “Really, Kennedy? Spanking? That’s what the ‘S’ in your name stands for?” He laughed, still fucking you from behind. “I thought you would like it.” “Oh but I do. I just never thought it was your thing.”         “You should stop taking me for a saint, Y/N.” He wiped the sweat from his forehead, brushing the strand of hair covering his right eye away and focused again on his movements. “It’s not my fault. It’s your baby face.” You confessed in between two moans. He brutally stopped and you wondered for a second if what you had just said had actually vexed him.       “My baby face? Really?” He repeated in your ear with a smirk as he grabbed you by the hair. “Who’s been crying out my name the whole time?” Holy shit. You instinctively braced yourself and when he resumed his hammering you knew it was a smart decision. Leon started growling even more loudly as he slowed yet deepened his movements inside of you, his hand in your hair, using your body as leverage. He was almost aggressive but you moaned nevertheless, out of breath, feeling a new orgasm building inside of you. Really? You clenched around him, trying to hold your orgasm a bit longer, unwilling to give him the satisfaction to cum around him again.

When Leon’s hard pounding started to get sloppy you realised he was really close to his release. “Jesus, I’m almost there.” He admitted.         You don’t know how you found the strength to push him on his back but you did. Sitting on top of him, you removed the condom, threw it carelessly onto the floor and started to jerk him off. “I want you to cum on me.” You confessed. A guttural moan vibrated in his throat and he let himself sprawl on the mattress, leaving you in complete charge of his pleasure. You grinded against his cock as your hand kept on firmly going up and down his length. It drove Leon crazy and you soon felt him throbbing in your grip. His breath became even more ragged and jerky and small spasms took control of his body. You angled his cock towards you and soon, a hot load of thick cum spurted on your stomach and breasts as Leon cursed and grunted between his gritted teeth. “Fuck, Y/N!”

You smiled and let go of his member, proud and satisfied of your work, looking at poor panting Leon who had a beautiful yet exhausted smile on his face. “You killed me, woman.” He joked and you briefly laughed. Then, you wiped his cum off your body with your fingers and brought them to your mouth, sucking them eagerly and swallowing the white seed looking right in Leon’s eyes. You had the feeling he would find it very hot. “Jesus Christ” Bull’s eye!

He circled you with his strong arms and pulled you against his chest. His heart was beating wildly and you allowed yourself to huddle a bit more against him to enjoy the melody. Post-coital cuddling session? Not sure that was a good idea but you decided to go for it and so did Leon as he chose to burry his nose in your hair and kiss the top of your head.

“Scott” He whispered sleepily. You looked up, wondering what he meant. “That’s what the ‘S’ stands for. Leon Scott Kennedy.”

Scott? You repeated in your head with a soft smile. Oh well, that didn’t sound so bad even though, right now, you preferred Leon ‘Stay’ Kennedy.

[ao3gingerswag]

The Outside Chapter 14 Deleted Scene

This was one of many directions I took this scene that I ended up cutting. I liked this part, but it just went on and on and on and I couldn't wrap it up and also it was getting dangerously close to actually deep territory which I have sworn off for this verse!! This convo branches off from Cas apologizing for yelling at Sam, which is in the actual chapter.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Cas offers.

Sam snorts, like what Cas has said is funny.

“You sound like Dean,” he mutters.

Cas frowns in confusion.

Before this morning, he wouldn’t have been able to picture Dean yelling at anyone about anything.

Now…Well. Now he knows what it looks like when Dean yells, as much as he wishes he didn’t.

It’s still hard for him to imagine Dean getting shouting in any sort of regular circumstance, especially at Sam, who he’d clearly move heaven and earth for.

“Dean would yell at you?” he asks, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“No,” he mutters, sounding resentful. “He’d apologize. For just about any old thing.”

Oh.

Oh.

That makes much more sense.

At least, it makes much more sense that Dean would be known for his habit of apologizing, rather than shouting.

It also...well, Cas supposes it also makes sense, that any random apology would remind Sam of Dean.

Not that it makes him happy, what that connection implies.

Because it was just an apology.

And most people don’t associate being apologized to with one single human being.

Has anyone else ever apologized to you, Sam? Or is Dean the only one?

He almost asks, out loud, but Sam’s scowl stops him.

He gets the feeling that if he asks that question, he’s going to get his head bitten off.

Instead, he tries a different angle.

“You know, it’s funny. Dean said I reminded him of you.”

It’s this, finally, that makes Sam look towards him.

“What?” he yelps, dumbstruck. Like he can barely process what Cas had just said.

It is indignation, that colors his expression, outrage, that blazes through his eyes.

He’s not just confused, at the comparison, not just irritated or annoyed.

He is offended. Truly offended, like he cannot believe Dean would say such a thing about him, like it is an affront to who he is as a person.

The force of his disgust is startling, and it does startle Cas as it comes.

And he expects hurt to rush in quickly after it, as it always does, when people make clear their revulsion.

But it doesn’t come, even as he waits, even as Sam splutters and turns red in anger.

It doesn’t come, though sadness does, in its place, as Sam’s next words fly angrily out.

“He did not say that. He did not. You and I are nothing alike!”

“He did say that,” Cas replies, quietly, because it is completely true.

Sam snarls, as if he is furious, but Cas is alarmed to see tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“No he didn’t! He wouldn’t! I’m not always- I know I’m not always the nicest but I’ve never- He wouldn’t say that!”

Cas watches in morbid fascination as hurt sneaks out from behind the resentment.

“Sam,” he says, stunned. “It wasn’t- It wasn’t an insult.”

Sam glares at him with aching eyes.

The depth of the gulf between them becomes painfully clear.

He really thinks I’m a predator. He really thinks I’m a rapist.

He thinks he’s being accused of abuse. Because that’s all he sees in me.

“Sam,” he says, making an effort to sound gentle, like Dean. “Dean loves you very much.”

Sam scowls, and drops his eyes.

“I know,” he mutters, irritated.

“Do you?” Cas asks, and Sam huffs.

“Yes, I know, he loves fucking everyone. He loves me, he loves you, he loves my dad, he even loves fucking Alastair.”

“He does not love Alastair.”

“You don’t hear him. He’s always going on about how grateful he is, how thankful.”

The boy spits the word like it’s poison.

Cas has to admit, it hurts to hear.

He has to admit, he understands very well the subtext behind what Sam is saying.

Dean loves even people who take advantage of him.

He understands it because it’s what Cas used to think as well, and it hurts to hear his own thoughts repeated back to him.

How do I know that he loves me, when he doesn’t know what else to feel? How can I know I’m not a monster, when he loves monsters and angels the same?

It’s the thought that had haunted him since Dean had come into his life, had haunted him since he’d seen the devotion leaking out of those green eyes.

He sees it haunting Sam now too.

And he feels sorry for him, and sorry for himself as well, because they are both too stupid to understand the value of the gift they’ve been given.

“Sam,” he says quietly. “I know you don’t like me.”

Sam makes a sarcastic noise. Cas pretends not to hear it.

“I didn’t like you, either, before I had met you, when I only had Dean’s descriptions to go off of.”

That shuts Sam up, and Cas feels a little bad for misleading him.

“It’s not that he said anything bad,” Cas clarifies. “Actually, everything he said about you was wonderful, and made it clear how much he loves you. But I...didn’t trust it. I didn’t trust him. I know you know that Dean….doesn’t always have the best judgement, when it comes to how he should be treated.”

Sam doesn’t respond for a second, and Cas thinks he might be being ignored.

Eventually, though, Sam pulls his legs that had still been dangling off the cart up to his chest, and wraps his arms around them.

“Yeah,” he says at last, and it’s not sarcastic this time.

It’s vulnerable. It’s resigned.

Cas feels a pulse of sympathy.

Dean can’t have been an easy person to grow up with.

“Well, I knew that too. It was obvious, from the way he talked about the things that had happened to him, from the way he talked about people who’d hurt him. He was scared of Alastair, but didn’t understand how evil the man is. And he was scared of John...but I thought he loved John as well.”

Sam has rested his head on his knees, his face pointing Cas’s direction. He’s once again not looking at Cas, but it is obvious that he is listening.

“So when he started talking about you all the time...talking about how good you were to him, crying about how much he missed you…”

Cas sees Sam’s chin wobble.

“I thought. Well. I thought he was crazy. And I assumed, without even asking, that you were an adult. An adult who was manipulating Dean, and taking advantage of him, and hurting him. I thought of you the way you now think of me.”

He looks at Sam imploringly.

“I didn’t even consider that he might be right, that, that just because he’s been hurt doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t real. I didn’t even consider believing him. But I should have! I should have, and if I had, if I’d ever listened to him and talked to him instead of making my own assumptions, I would have realized you were a child! I would have realized you were a child, and would have told Dean we could come get you together, and we wouldn’t be in this goddamn mess at all!”

[jjmaebank]

JJ Maybank - She Will Be Loved

A/N: This is based off the song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, I hope its okay I'm still trying to get back into the groove of writing again ://

I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THE ACOUSTIC VERSION WHILE READING

Warnings: mentions of an emotionally abusive relationship, a lot of talk about struggling with self love and body image

Words: 1.9k

masterlist

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Beauty queen of only eighteen she Had some trouble with herself

You were the most beautiful thing JJ had ever seen. He could stare at you all day. The way your hair flowed so perfectly in the wind on the HMS Pogue; the way your eyes glistened and lit up when you talked about something you were passionate about; the way you played with your fingers or chewed the inside of your cheek when you were nervous. He loved your laugh, oh how he loved it. He could be having the worst day, have got in a bad fight with his dad and your laugh would make him forget all about it. That's why he was always trying to be funny and cracking jokes; he wanted the satisfaction of knowing it was him who caused that beautiful sound.

So he never understood why you were so insecure, so broken. He noticed the way you looked at yourself, talked about yourself even, like you were worthless...and it broke his heart. You would always play it off as a joke every time you made a derogatory comment about your body, but JJ knew you better than that. He could see right through your facade that masked how fragile you really were.

He was always there to help her, she Always belonged to someone else

So JJ made it his job, his mission even, to be there to make you see just how special you really were. Every time you insulted yourself using a joke, he wouldn't laugh, instead he would tell you just how wrong you were. You wouldn't know how to respond to his plethora of compliments, all you could do was blush and look down at the ground, telling him to stop spurting nonsense.

But JJ wouldn't give up, he just wanted to make you feel beautiful, he wanted you to see yourself the way he saw you...absolutely gorgeous, inside and out. Oh how he longed to be able to call you his, there was nothing he wanted more.

But he couldn't. You belonged to someone else, Rafe Cameron. He hated that boy, not only for the way he treated the pogues but for the way he treated you. He knew Rafe planted these self-depreciating thoughts in your head; it was no coincidence that they'd started when you began going out with him. JJ just couldn't wrap his head around why you were with him, he couldn't fathom why someone as kind and gentle as you would want to be with someone as monstrous and selfish as him.

The truth was you were afraid that you weren't capable of being loved and thought that Rafe was all you were going to get. You were as in love with JJ as he was with you of course, but you'd convinced yourself he could never feel the same way, ignoring the blatant signs that you were wrong. Yes, Rafe caused a huge strain on your mental health, constantly reminding you what was wrong with you, but he said those things because he loved you. Or that was what you convinced yourself. He just wanted you to be the best version of yourself right?

You were so scared of solitude, of being alone for the rest of your life as you watched JJ fall in love with someone else that you were oblivious to the fact that this was in fact JJ's reality. He had to watch the girl he loved convince herself that a boy who made her feel worthless was all she deserved.

You would get into fights about it...all the time. JJ just couldn't bear the fact you were with him. He'd end up yelling at you for being so naive as to think what you had with Rafe was actual love.

"Can't you see he doesn't love you (Y/N)?" He pleaded, his voice cracking.

"You're wrong...he's the only one that does," you whispered sadly.

Those words were enough to break him. All JJ could do was stand there and look at you in complete disbelief, and so he stormed out of your house leaving you in tears.

I drove for miles and miles and wound up At your door I've had you so many times but somehow I want more

It had been a week since you and JJ last spoke, since he stormed out of your house. JJ was driving around The Cut after getting into a fight with his dad and receiving another beating. But the pain from his fresh bruises was nothing compared to the pain in his heart every time he thought about you, which was every damn second.

All JJ could think about whilst driving about in the rain aimlessly was how close you two were, how much you meant to him and how this week without you had felt like a year. He had you, you were his best friend, but he wanted more...and he couldn't keep it to himself anymore. He'd spent too long keeping it a secret and all for you to wind up with someone who didn't deserve you. Hell, JJ didn't even feel he deserved you, but he wound up at your door in the middle of the night anyway.

I don't mind spendin' everyday Out on your corner in the pourin' rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

He could feel his heart beating out of his chest as he stepped onto your porch. After hesitating for a few moments he finally plucked up the courage to knock on your door. He didn't know what to expect as it probably wasn't the most appropriate time to be confessing his feelings for you, his feelings that he was sure were unrequited.

After receiving no response, JJ decided if he didn't tell you tonight, he wasn't ever going to, so he wasn't leaving. He began to chuck small pebbles at your bedroom window, getting completely soaked from the rain that was pouring down on him. Finally your light turned on. You looked at your window and saw JJ and began to smile. But JJ could see how broken you were, despite being genuinely happy to see him.

You opened your window and shook your head in disbelief at the blond haired boy.

"JJ, what are you doing?" You whisper shouted.

"Can I stay a while? It's wet out here." JJ grinned. You nodded.

You let him in and urged him to tip toe up your stairs as not to wake up your parents who had miraculously slept through his racket. You both sat down on your bed, silence consuming the two of you at first, neither of you daring to speak first.

"I missed you," you whispered.

"Me too,"  he said, smiling through his sigh.

And she will be loved, and she will be loved

JJ took in your appearance, you looked...worse. Your eyes had dark bags underneath them as if you hadn't slept the entire week and they looked bloodshot. Your lips were chapped and broken, a sign that you had been chewing at them more than usual. It broke his heart knowing that your external appearance only showed a fraction of how you felt inside. You needed to be loved, properly loved. Not the love you thought you had with Rafe, but a love only you could bring yourself. You needed to love yourself, and he knew you wouldn't do so without help, his help. So he was going to love you the way you needed to yourself until you could finally see how deserving of it you were.

"(Y/N), I need to tell you something," JJ said gently, gazing into your eyes.

"What is it?" You replied just as gently.

Tap on my window, knock on my door, I Want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn't matter anymore

"You deserve to be loved," JJ started, causing you to tilt your head in confusion.

"What?" You asked.

"You deserve love, (Y/N)," JJ repeated seriously, never breaking eye contact with you.

"JJ...I-I don't know what you mean, I-I am loved, Rafe-" you stuttered before JJ interrupted you.

"You and I both know Rafe doesn't love you," JJ stated, raising his voice ever so slightly.

You went silent. You did know, you knew it all along but you'd just hoped the day you had to face the reality of it would never come. Rafe never made you feel loved, all he would do was make you hate yourself more and more. Tears began to well up in your eyes as you looked down at your hands, they'd began to shake and you'd started to chew at your bottom lip again, causing it to sting. You felt so unbelievably alone despite the fact that the boy you loved was sat only inches away from you. All you wanted to do was tell him the truth, about how Rafe was simply your attempt to fill the void in your heart, the void caused by the thought of JJ not reciprocating your feelings. This thought that you'd spiralled into a false truth.

"But I do," JJ whispered.

In that moment, it felt as though your heart had leaped out of your chest. Your eyes widened as you looked up from your hands and into JJ's blue eyes. They were full of sincerity, kindness, adoration...and love, genuine love.

"W-what?" You croaked.

"I love you, (Y/N)," JJ repeated, just as sincere as before, "and not in the way I love Pope, or Kie, or John B...I am in love with you (Y/N)."

JJ felt as though a weight the size of his entire body had been lifted from his chest. He stared at you in anticipation, dreading what words might escape your lips, but also excited. You stared at him in shock, not being able to believe what you were hearing. JJ Maybank was in love with you this whole time? How blind could you have been?

"H-how could you love me?" You asked in disbelief.

"Because you're beautiful (Y/N), inside and out. I know you don't see it, but I want to help you see it. I wanna make you feel beautiful. I don't care what it takes, hell I stood outside your house in the pouring rain throwing pebbles at your window so I could tell you this!" JJ gushed, cupping your face instinctively so you would look him in the eye.

You'd never felt more special, more meaningful, more loved. You let a tear slip down your cheek. You were crying, but for the first time in forever they were tears of happiness. JJ tenderly wiped your tears with his thumb as you looked up at him.

"I love you too, JJ Maybank," you whispered in absolute adoration.

"I love you more than you could ever imagine, (Y/N) (Y/LN)," he smiled, some tears of his own escaping at the beauty of this moment, it was everything he'd dreamt of and more.

He did it, he finally got the girl...and he, JJ Maybank, was going to make sure you were loved the right way.

+

a/n: dhfksdkf this is my first song fic in 2 years, I'm so nervous idk whether I like it or not but I promised myself I would post this, I really hope you enjoyed

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Who are your top five NHL teams and why?

Ooooo this is fun! Thanks anon!

Short list:

Habs ❤️🤍💙

Pens 🐧

Canucks 🌈🌊

Caps 🦅

Leafs 🟦🍁🟦 (no really! I know I don’t talk about them much but its true!)

Over-wordy explanations/backstory for my relationship to each of these teams below the cut for those interested!

Montreal Canadiens. My dearly beloved Nana, who half-raised me, is a lifelong diehard Habs fan who grew up listening to their games on the radio and then later as an adult watching them duel with the Leafs on Saturday nights on a black-and-white tv (also a BIG Carey Price stan). Needless to say she rubbed off on me immensely, and I remember saying to myself at some point “well, if that’s Nana’s team, that’s gonna be my team too” and it stuck for life. I also had a friend in middle school who was a RELIGIOUS Habs fan who also worshipped at the altar of Jesus Price in those early 2010’s, so I heard a LOT about all of that every lunch break as he argued with friends who were Pens and Bruins fans lol. We went on the Bell Centre tour during the annual 9th grade French class trip to Quebec, and while I was mostly focused on getting to the gift shop to buy Nana a souvenir, I swear my friend’s eyes were the size of quarters the whole time lmao. (Would LOVE to go back now that I care a lot). Basically the Habs are the closest thing to a local NHL team our region has bc we get their broadcasts (though people choose their own team allegiances for various random personal reasons), and I grew up absorbing through osmosis both the legends of yore and the latest updates on whatever Carey and PK and the lads were up to. (Also I’ve been quietly in love with Price myself since at least the 2014 Olympics lol. My first best fav ❤️) Bottom line the Habs are My Team, the “I’m gonna be here even when it sucks, even when players move on, this is attached to me in a way I can’t quite explain” team that every hockey fan has in their heart. GO HABS GO!

Pittsburgh Penguins. If you were an elementary school kid in Nova Scotia when Sidney Crosby was first released and up through the 2010’s, you had two options: love him, or hate him, but you better accept you’re gonna be hearing about him a LOT. I settled on “vague fondness” and followed Sid from a newspaper-scanning distance and vaguely rooted for him because when he brought the Cup home it felt like we all won. And like I said, lots of passionate Pens fans in my grade school classes to hear from (he’s also the only non-Habs player my Nana likes lol). Then I got into hockey properly last year and learned about Geno beyond just knowing his name, and my chronic affection for large loveable Russians got combined with my longstanding vague “I hope the Penguins win” feelings and my “time to get the full story on the Sidney Crosby’s Penguins narrative I only ever watched from a distance” research, in a manner not unlike the creation of the PowerPuff Girls ([chemical X] etc etc lol) to create a potent adoration for this team that rocketed them to second place in my heart. Also the fandom is just so damn fun and makes such great content, and that definitely feeds my level of engagement with the Pens!! Sometimes, when I want an emotional pick-me-up I watch one of their last 3 championship films just to remember what joy and optimism is — I would love to be present as a real-time fan for another adventure like that. With how much I know about them and how much I care, they’re my #2 for sure. I love those flightless fucks!!

Vancouver Canucks. So I started watching live NHL hockey games last summer around I think game 2 of the Habs’ first round series against the Flyers (I saw Price’s “Miracle Save” on twitter while following along bc I was intrigued by the fact that they made it through the play-ins, and was like “OKAY NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT LIVE”). That was really fun! Riiiight up until the Habs got eliminated. :/ And I was like “well, shit. I’m enjoying this hockey thing too much to stop now. who else is still around I can root for?” And the Canucks were the last Canadian team still in it, and there was buzz about their miraculous first-round win but also uncertainty I believe Markstrom had *just* got injured. So I started watching, ended up witnessing the Bubble Demko Miracle unfold live, had my heart charmed off me by “whatever the hell those two lil blonde bitches have going on” and a delightful underdog story, and here I am. Hitched to the Canuck wagon whether I enjoy it or not. Here for whatever happens! (Doesn’t hurt that I love me some Elton John too 😉)

Washington Capitals. I’m a person who is more likely to be really engaged with a team that has super interesting personalities, characters, and narratives around it — and my GOD are the Capitals good for that. I absolutely definitely started down this road with that mic’d up video from the 2018 final of Ovi telling Nicke “after me, I give it to you baby!” re: the Cup. Like I can pinpoint that there was a day I saw that for the first time in a gifset, squinted at the screen, said “you’re fucking with me...”, went to youtube, watched it be for reals, and was like “well. now I need to know more about ALL this.” After watching games and learning more about the team, I really enjoy the Caps’ “big dumb found family of stone-cold total weirdos” energy, their fun collective chemistry, their Cup story, etc. And oh BOY the fandom is fun during game lb’s! I love all the in-jokes and player nicknames, our delight with the quirks of our colourful wonderful broadcast crew (shoutout Wine Uncles & Co), the way we cheer for record-breaking milestones like they’re a first NHL goal! Being a fan of the Caps AND the Pens can be a bit awkward sometimes, and the team certainly has its blemishes, but my heart is big enough for two Metro teams for sure, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Toronto Maple Leafs. So like, as you can imagine from my previously described upbringing in Hab Land, “haha Leafs suck” is a punchline I have long been familiar with and trained to recite. I got a solid 3 days of laughter and entertainment out of the whole Zamboni Driver Saga last February, oh boy did I ever. But the thing is.... I have the Leafs to thank for the fact that I watch hockey now. See, the entire reason I started paying proper attention to the playoff bubble last summer was because one day, I happened to see the phrase “WHAT IS HAPPENING” trending at 16k tweets on twitter, and clicked on it like “huh?”. Turns out the Leafs were in the middle of their miraculous 3-minute comeback against Columbus and the country was losing its mind. And when they won, I was like “huh... the Zamboni Team is doing THIS??? I may have to start paying attention to this playoffs thing, because if they go All The Way I think that might be the only thing funnier than the Zamboni Incident”. Aaaaand when they immediately lost the next game and were eliminated I was like “lol, sounds about right” and was then immediately distracted by news of the Habs winning the play-in round. So then I spent several months watching playoffs and forgetting about the Leafs. And then one day in early October, looking on YouTube for more hockey to watch after the playoffs ended, I stumbled across something called a Hat Pick, and boy I actually enjoyed this shouty man’s sense of humour and takes on the game... and then when I ran out of Hat Picks and Dangits I watched some Trade Trees, which pulled back the curtain on the business side of the game... and then I discovered LFR’s, which were good background noise for doing tasks... and then I was recommended the episode of the Steve Dangle Podcast about Mitch Marner and The List... and next thing I knew I was listening to more of this podcast, because I found Steve and the guys to be insightful and funny and there was no hockey to watch, and I was trepidatious about accidentally stumbling into the more toxic corners of hockey fandom if I branched out for other content... and, well. If you spend enough hours listening to people passionately analyze every facet of a team, shout and cheer over a team, make fun of that team, nearly cry over that team... it’s really REALLY hard to not start to care about it. Leafs analysis was basically how I learned most of what I’ve learned about hockey this past year! And kudos to Steve and Adam and Jesse, their passionate investment in the Leafs and great content has got ME invested in the Leafs mainly because I want to see things go well for them. I want Charlie Brown to kick the football! I love a triumph over adversity story! Also, I think if the Leafs did Do The Thing it would basically be the combination of “Cubs win the World Series” and “Raptors are the champs” and I wanna watch the city of Toronto go fully apeshit from a safe distance. I don’t adore many their individual players as much as I do some other teams higher on this list, and I still laugh far too much when things go super comically impossibly badly for them, but I am actually pulling for the Leafs!! I want to see it all pay off for them. I want them to go all the way. Gimme that “LEAFS WIN!!!” (Unless it’s against someone above them on this list lol)

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

“What was the thought process?!”

“I don’t know any more than you do, Shaw!  The Quiet Council put this mission together!”  Somehow, even when they should have been commiserating, Sebastian managed to make his complaints sound like accusations. Well, absolutely no damn part of this was Pyro’s fault.

“Of course, that pack of simpletons can’t be bothered to do things properly.  It wouldn’t matter if it was just you, but I will not be treated like a cheap lackey.”  

“Will you kindly shut the fuck up for five minutes, Shaw?”  Pyro demanded, looking at the map.  Sebastian, for all his complaints, had not deigned to take charge of it since they’d come through the gate 30 minutes ago.  “There’s the mountain.  Our contact should be somewhere around here.”

The mountain loomed dark and ominous over the grassland, with an actual black cloud obscuring its peak, like something out of a cartoon.  There was obviously something nasty up there that needed to be dealt with.  Strange dark tendrils curled down the rocky cliffs, and there were reports of eerie wailing at night.  It wouldn’t be Krakoa’s problem, except there was a mutant living nearby who refused to relocate to the safety of the island.  So they either had to deal with the problem, or convince the mutant to move out of harm’s way.

Except the mutant in question was nowhere to be found.  Just peaceful grassland as far as the eye could see, with the mountain swelling up from the landscape like an ugly blackhead.  Off in the distance, Pyro could see a group of horses grazing contentedly.  

“Our contact couldn’t be bothered to meet us at the gate.  We should have just turned around and gone home.  I don’t know why Krakoa should lift a finger for a mutant that refuses to come to us.  He chooses to remain on the outside, he should accept the responsibilities of – “

“Hey, fellas!”  A shout interrupted Shaw’s rant.

Striding up to them was the most heart-breakingly beautiful young man that Pyro had ever seen. White-blond hair, perfectly formed features, and obvious muscles bulging under his flannel shirt, he looked like he’d strode right off the cover of one of Pyro’s own novels.  Usually Pyro preferred his men a little more rugged-looking, like Dominic’s wonderfully rough features, but he was suddenly fantasizing about this young man emerging from a lake in a see-through white shirt.

Oh shit, what if he was a telepath?  What if he was yet another Frost sibling?  Pyro shoved the image out of his mind, and thought very hard about a Youtube video he’d seen earlier of a penguin falling over.

“I suppose you’re the contact?”  Sebastian demanded.  He was walking right up to Eros-given-mortal-form while Pyro stood transfixed, and it was like watching an ogre charge an elf.  Pyro had to fight the urge to leap between them and drive the beast back with a flaming sword.  He ran a hand through his hair, trying to inconspicuously smooth it down.

Fucking hell, Allerdyce, get ahold of yourself.  Shaw will never let you live it down.

“That’s right,” said the cup-bearer Ganymede, who would surely be carried off by Zeus soon.  Even his voice was beautiful, his Southern accent giving his words a musical lilt.  “Sorry I wasn’t right there at that big funny-lookin’ gate, I got worried about the herd.  Whatever’s up there is bad news.  I’d check it out myself, but I don’t want to leave the horses.  Who’d take care of them if something happened to me?”

“Yes, yes, of course you have a noble reason for cowardice,” Sebastian said, waving a hand dismissively.

“And anyway, it’s our job, that’s why we’re here,” said Pyro, stepping forward.  He realized that he had put himself just slightly between Shaw and Paris of Troy.  “We’ll get it all sorted out for ya,” he added, giving the young man a friendly smack on the shoulder.

“Well, that’s a doozy of an accent, isn’t it?  Where you from, England?”  Thankfully Prince Charming had missed, or chosen to ignore Sebastian’s completely unecessary dig.

“Australia, actually,” Sebastian interjected before Pyro could speak.  “And I imagine you’ve greatly offended Allerdyce’s national pride by mixing the two up.”

“Shucks, I’m sorry – “

“Oh, no!” Pyro exclaimed. “Not at all.  Very similar accents, easy to mistake.”  

“You’re the ones who say g’day, right?  Like Crocodile Dundee!”

“Yes, exactly!” Pyro beamed. He’d started bar fights over being called Crocodile Dundee.  Or being called British.  Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him.  

“I’m Pyro, by the way, and Oscar the Grouch over there is Sebastian Shaw.  You don’t have to be nice to him.”  He shook the young man’s hand.    

“Anyway, I’m your ride,” the Adonis said,with a shy smile.  “I can get you up to the top of that mountain, lickety-split.”

“Oh, teleporter, are ya? That’s right handy,” Pyro said.

“Or he could be a speedster, let’s not jump to conclusions, Allerdyce,” Sebastian put in.

“No, it’s something a bit different than that,” said the divine creature carved from marble and bathed in Apollo’s fire.  He shifted suddenly, his torso stretching and changing in a way that reminded Pyro of Mystique.  And then there was a winged centaur standing in front of them, and Pyro wondered if he’d fallen into Narnia.  Or maybe that one book, with the kids and the Tesseract.    

“My mutant name is Eques, but you can call me Danny if you like.”  Pyro tried not to gape.  Somehow, the winged horse form had made the other mutant even more attractive, and Pyro wasn’t even into horses…but he was starting to understand the teenage girl obsession with them.  “Danny’s” clothing had disappeared as he shifted (one of the X-Men’s unstable molecule suits, no doubt), and now he was….basically naked.  Horse form meant all the important bits were hidden, but still.  Pyro pinched the inside of his wrist very hard and tried to think about cricket.

“Oh, shape-shifting,” Sebastian said, sounding mildly bored.  “I suppose that’ll do.  But surely there are more practical…and larger things that you can change into.”

“I’m afraid not,” said Danny, biting his lip and pawing with one hoof on  the ground in a way that was positively adorable.  “It’s a very specific mutation.  I can turn into this and only this.  But don’t worry, I’m strong enough to carry you both.  We can fly up.”  He flapped his wings for emphasis.  

Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Really?  Have we crossed over into some children’s cartoon?”  

“C’mon Shaw, he’s here to help us.  Of course, you can walk up the mountain if you prefer,” Pyro said.  

“Oh no, I wouldn’t dare leave you alone with him,” Sebastian said, smirking at Pyro, who scowled back.  “Who knows what you two would get up to?  Besides, it’s better than the hike.  Marginally.  Let’s get this over with.”  

Before Pyro could protest, Sebastian had lifted him up by the shoulders and plopped him unceremoniously on Danny’s back, then climbed on behind him.  

“Sure we aren’t too heavy for ya?  I know Shaw here must weigh a ton.”  Pyro leaned in to speak in Danny’s ear, and tried not to notice how centaur’s thick, shimmering hair, radiant in the sunlight and making Pyro’s own golden locks seem like tarnished brass, smelled faintly of eucalyptus.

Should I compliment his hair?  Maybe ask what shampoo he uses, pretend like I want advice?  God damn it, St. John, snap out of it and act normal!

“Not all, fellas!”  Danny exclaimed, with a bright, guilless smile.  “I’m strong as a horse, too, this is nothing.  But you’d better hold on as I take off, wouldn’t want you to fall.”  

“Where should we, uh….” Pyro faltered.  Much as he wanted to slip his hands over Danny’s muscular chest (for safety!) he didn’t want to be a creep.  Also, if he wasn’t careful, his….interest…would start to become noticeable in the most humiliating way possible.

“Oh, anywhere’s fine, just hang onto me as best you can,” Danny drawled.  Before Pyro could lift his hands, Sebastian reached forward, wrapping his arms around the centaur’s waist and squishing Pyro between them.  

“Get off me, Shaw!”  Pyro squirmed, pressed against Danny’s back, with Shaw’s massive, unyielding bulk behind him.  God damn it, he was now dangerously close to being caught between a rock and a….hard place.

“Stop whining, Allerdyce, this is the best way to ensure we both stay on.  I certainly don’t trust you to hang on with those weak arms of yours.  We are secure, Eques.  Proceed.”

“Why’d you even take the back, then?”  Pyro demanded, but his question was answered as Danny leaped into the air, flapping violently.  The wings beat hardest around Pyro’s head, powerful back muscles twitching uncomfortably against him.  Well, at least having Sebastian Shaw’s gross, sweaty body pressed up against him, smelling faintly of fuck-you Rich People Cologne, was enough to kill his would-be boner quite dead.  Especially with Sebastian’s no-doubt obscenely hairy crotch up against his rear, with –

Wait a minute.  What was that?!

“Shaw, what the hell?” Pyro turned slightly, but Sebastian gripped Danny tighter, pushing him back forward.  The hard object pressing against his ass shifted.

“It’s my cell phone, Allerdyce, for God’s sake.  No need to jump to conclusions just because you’re all hot and bothered.”  

Pyro wondered whether it was possible to set Sebastian on fire without hurting Danny.  Just a little bit on fire.  And then if he fell, it wouldn’t be Pyro’s fault, right?

“Gosh, this is kinda fun, fellas!”  Danny yelled above the roar of the wind.  “I’m always out here with the horses, and that’s just how I like it, but it does get kinda lonely.  I don’t get to see other mutants very often.”

“Well, I’m sure you’d get a warm welcome if you ever came to join us on Krakoa,” Sebastian said.  Pyro slammed an elbow back against him, but Sebastian just gripped tighter.

“Don’t even think about it, Allerdyce,” he said in Pyro’s ear.  “I’ll take you down with me, make no mistake of that.”  

“Say, Eques,” Sebastian called up in a louder voice.  “Have you ever met Emma Frost?  Let me tell you all about her, I’m sure you’d have a great deal to…discuss.”

Pyro fumed quietly, and fantasized about Sebastian smashing into the jagged rocks below for the rest of the trip.  

(OOC: I don’t know what Eques should sound like, but I saw he was from Texas and wound up writing him like Cannonball.  Since he’s always so isolated with his horses, I could imagine him being very naïve, but also very friendly.  

Pyro is intensely thirsty, and failing to play it cool, but can you really blame him?

I have no idea what’s on top of that mountain. Let’s just assume that Pyro, Sebastian and Danny are going up to Midnight Castle to fight Tirac with the Rainbow of Light, and if you understand that reference you win a million 80’s nostalgia points.)          

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Arachnophobia

Requested: … no but this sprang to life because there was a spider in my shower earlier and yeah... 

Paring: Bellamy Blake

Word Count: 2.7K

~The 100 Master~

~Master~

You should’ve known a great day could turn sour in an instant. It was easy when you were surrounded by assholes like John Murphy and other even dumber assholes who thinks he’s funny. You were given one job today: Help collect wood for the fires. It was simple, find a piece a wood that works, bring it back to the camp. The thing was, you had a problem with a certain living crawling thing in the forests.

Spiders. 

You’ve lived in space for 18 years, you didn’t have spiders up there. You didn’t want to be afraid of them, no one wants to be afraid of anything, but on your first day on the ground you ended up walking through a spiderweb and didn’t notice there was an actual spider crawling on you until it started up your neck. You screamed and flailed your arms about just to get it off as everyone began to watch and laugh at you. Thus, began your fear of those pesky little 8-legged demons and the bullying that ensued.

For todays work, you had just come back with a handful of potential firewood. You went with some kid named Myles. He was quite talkative like you, but one of his good features was he was always willing to check the wood for any spiders climbing about. He didn’t mind as long as you let him talk and the boy could talk for hours. You weren’t paying attention behind you as you listened to Myles story, hearing him talk about how he was arrested as you sorted through the wood. If you had known John Murphy was sneaking up behind you, you would’ve turned around.

“Hey Y/L/N!” He yelled practically in your ear as you flinched and turned to his smirk right over your shoulder. You hadn’t caught on to his hands extended forward to you, almost touching the sleeve of your jacket as you grimaced at him.

“What do you want Murphy? Can’t you see I’m busy?” Murphy never talked to you, only when he wanted to make fun of you. You looked away from him, sending Myles an apologetic smile as you started working again, but the boy acted like he didn’t care.

“Ah, well I just wanted to show you something. A little present, from me to you.” He grinned as he watched you pause your work, slowly turning to him with furrowed brows.

“A present?” He nodded, moving his eyes down to look at his hands and you copied. Moving in the palm of his hand was the biggest spider you had ever seen. You let out a scream, not prepared for Murphy to have brought you an actual spider. You tried to take a few steps backwards away from him, but all you managed to do was trip over a pile of wood, sending a few pieces flying as you landed with a thud on the ground. “What the hell Murphy?!?” You shrieked, completely aware of everyone having watched you just land on your ass. You heard their laughs as you kept yourself from reaching tears, your fear subsiding as embarrassment decided to take over.

“Oh, come on Scaredy-cat! It’s just a spider!” His bellowing was the only thing you could hear as you stayed on the ground, too mortified to get up. He was right, it was just a spider. And it was still just a spider that he tossed onto you, landing on your leg as you immediately freaked out, kicking your leg and swatting the spider off of you as you jumped to your feet, watching the thing run off.

You glared at Murphy, everyone’s laughs getting louder. “Go float yourself, Murphy.” You yelled before storming off outside of the camp.

Bellamy was in his tent alone as he heard the camp outside erupt into laughter. He wanted just a moment to himself, but by the sound, this was something he had to take care of. He threw on his jacket and stepped outside, his eyes scanning momentarily before landing on you on the ground with Murphy standing before you. He watched Murphy throw his hands forwards and although he couldn’t see anything, the way you reacted told him Murphy threw something onto you.

“Go float yourself, Murphy.” He heard you shout over the increasing laughter before leaving. He made his way over, seeing the sheepish look of Myles as well as the cocky arrogant smirk Murphy wore as he watched you run out of camp.

He grabbed Murphy’s jacket, pulling the younger boy to look Bellamy in the eye as Murphy’s laughs stopped and he gulped. “What’s going on?” Bellamy asked and shoved Murphy back a little when he let go. Murphy hid his returning smirk with his hand as he looked around at all the giggling kids.

He shrugged when he faced Bellamy again. “I was just having a little fun showing Scaredy-cat my new pet.”

Bellamy put his hands on his hips. “New pet?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s a- It was a spider. Although I heard she wasn’t very fond of those.” Murphy was slowly walking away from Bellamy as he happily bumped shoulders with his friend. Bellamy’s face hardened. He knew you were afraid of spiders, everyone did.

He nodded his head, realizing people had stopped working as he looked around. “Everyone get back to work!” He shouted. Only a few people had listened, some still caught up in your embarrassment. “Now!” At his second yell, everyone listened, a few even jumping. He stayed in his spot, watching Murphy roll his eyes before high-fiving that same friend and moving on to work. He took one glance to the gate before following after you.

You hadn’t gotten that far in the forest, knowing it wasn’t safe as you stood between two trees and leaned on one, twirling a spider-free rock in your fingers. You were staring off in space, unaware of Bellamy behind you until he stepped on a twig, the snap drawing your attention as you scoffed. “Here to make fun of me too?” You asked him as you looked forward again with a frown.

Bellamy finished the distance, choosing to lean on the other tree and look to you. “I’m not going to make fun of you.” He told you.

You let your head fall to the side as you rolled your eyes. “Well, you’d be the first person.” Bellamy and you were friends, you think. You got along quite well, you’ve had a few conversations alone with him, and he was the one by your side to assure you there were no more spiders on you. You weren’t afraid to admit Bellamy was probably the only person whose presence you didn’t completely hate.

“Not everyone’s making fun of you-“

“I’m afraid of spiders.” You cut him off, sending him a look. “I mean, 8 out of 10 kids here when asked will say they’re afraid of Grounders. 1 out of 10 will say the ark coming down, you know, thanks to your words,” Bellamy chuckled at you, “another 1 out of 10 will be so arrogant and claim nothing makes them afraid and I am afraid of spiders.”

“Why are you afraid of spiders?”

“How are you not?!” You laughed, wrapping your arms around yourself. Bellamy just shrugged as you started thinking about the one thing that gave you the heebie-jeebies. “They’re creepy and tiny and sure they can’t do much harm to you besides bite you, but some are poisonous! You never know when they’re going to show up. Then they just crawl on you with their little legs and hid under your things and you never know they’re there. And did you know they have a million eyes? Okay, maybe not a million, more like 8 but that’s too many! Not to mention the fact they also have 8 legs! They’re completely terrifying!” You stopped your rambling, letting your eyes close as you shivered in fear, imagining the tiny arachnids climbing up your back. You moved off the tree, letting your eyes run up and down it in fear of spiders showing up when you didn’t expect it.

Bellamy watched you, a small smile appearing on his face. To him it was odd, you never seemed like someone who would let something as small as a spider scare you. If he hadn’t known about your fear, he wouldn’t have thought you were afraid of anything, and he admired that you opened yourself like that.

You let out a huff as you turned away from the tree with crossed arms, looking at Bellamy only to see a smile on his face. You tried to ignore the way your heart leapt out of your chest at the sight, but you jumped to a conclusion, assuming Bellamy was only letting you ramble to make fun of you. “You wouldn’t get it, and you didn’t have to sit here torturing yourself and probably not even listening to me to me humiliate myself. You could’ve just joined everyone else’s fun.”

Bellamy’s face dropped as you started to walk away, your head down casted as you held your arms around your body. “Y/N!” He shouted and started after you. You didn’t stop. “Y/N, wait!” You sped up, not listening to Bellamy was you berated yourself in your head, yelling at yourself for getting close to Bellamy.

No one paid attention to you as you entered the camp again much to your relief. It was nearing dusk, the sun beginning to hide behind the trees as you settled in front a fire that was already lit. Two people who were already enjoying the fire as you sat down, stood up and threw you a few snickers. You rolled your eyes and leaned forward, paying attention to the crackling of the fire.

Bellamy looked for you the moment he entered the gate, sighing in a sad relief when he saw you sitting all alone in front the fire. He started to walk over to you, but on his way, he heard chuckles by the wall and a huge group of delinquents standing there crowding around. He looked to you, wanting to talk to you and to get you to understand he wasn’t trying to humiliate you, he was enjoying listening to you ramble, but he also knew he had to break up what ever was going on.

He moved to the gate, hearing hushed whispers from none other than John Murphy. “She won’t even see it coming.” A few more snickers were heard before someone caught sight of Bellamy coming over. The group started to disperse, no one wanting to be on Bellamy’s bad side.

“What’s going on?” He asked Murphy for the second time that day. Murphy tried to walk away in the crowd of kids escaping, but Bellamy stopped him, not letting him get away. Murphy looked as if a scared little child getting reprimanded by its parents. Bellamy looked down in Murphy’s hands, seeing them cupped together. “Open them.” Murphy hesitated before slowly opening his hands to show Bellamy another spider in his hand.

Bellamy spared a glance to you, seeing you seemingly oblivious to Murphy’s plan to scare you again. “Come on, Bellamy. It’s all for fun. Just to scare the scaredy-cat over there.”

Bellamy hated hearing you called that. Most times he heard it behind your back and it always left a scowl on his face even after he’s shut it down. “Don’t call her that.”

“Oh, come on, Bellamy. She’s scared of spiders!”

Bellamy considered his options, knowing Murphy would still mess with you after Bellamy stopped him. “You know what’s so scary about spiders, Murphy?” he asked. Murphy scoffed, motioning for Bellamy to continue. Bellamy smiled to himself, recalling what you told him earlier. “It’s because you never know if they’re on you, they could be crawling up you right now and you wouldn’t realize. And the most terrifying part is they bite, and I don’t think you know which ones are poisonous. Do you?” Murphy’s face fell as he looked down at the small creature in his hand, suddenly terrified because Bellamy was right, he didn’t know if the spider was poisonous. Bellamy gently hit Murphy’s hand, letting the spider go flying onto the boy as Murphy started to freak out, suddenly worried about that tiny 8-legged demon he had crawling on him.

Bellamy turned around, satisfied in his ‘lesson’ he taught Murphy, but when he turned the first thing he saw was your eyes on him, Your lips were upturned into a smile and he realized you had overheard what he said to Murphy. He sighed and moved to sit next to you, neither of you knowing what to say as you looked down at the fire.

“So, you were listening.” You muttered, trying to keep yourself from looking at Bellamy. It made it hard when he looked at you, refusing to look away.

“I wasn’t trying to make fun of you earlier.”

“I know.” You assured him, finally turning to look at him. His face was lit up by the fire, the ends of his lips pulled into a smile as his eyes melted against the fire, sending your heart leaping out of your chest. “I might’ve overreacted to you a little.”

“A little?” He cut you off with a chuckle. You raised a brow playfully at him. “Y/N you literally ran away.”

“I thought you were going to make fun of me!”

“I thought I told you I wasn’t about to!”

“Yeah… well… You’re kinda perfect. I just thought you’d have one flaw and that one flaw would be making fun of me, but I guess I’m wrong.” You looked back to the fire and your typical rambles unimportant in your head.

But for Bellamy he didn’t want you to stop rambling. “Perfect?”

Your eyes widened, thinking back on what you had said as you moved to face Bellamy completely. “I didn’t mean… I just meant…” You stopped yourself not wanting to expose your thoughts anymore, but Bellamy had an idea. Without a warning, Bellamy was leaning into you, cupping your cheek as you leaned in as well. Your lips were just about to touch before you felt something move across the hand you had placed on the log you sat on. You pulled away from Bellamy, looking down to see a spider crawling over your hand. “Oh my god!” you shouted and began shaking your hand. Bellamy pulled away quickly, thinking it something to do with him before he saw you shaking your hand, the spider holding onto your sleeve.

His eyes widened and he grabbed your hand. “It’s okay! I’ve got it!” He moved closer, letting you bury your head against his shoulder as he flicked the spider away from you. As soon as it was gone, Bellamy’s focus went onto you. You were still pressed against him and he could feel your breathing against his neck.

“Is it gone?” You whispered and Bellamy cleared his throat, trying to come back down to reality.

“Yeah. It’s gone.” He whispered back and you nodded, but barely moved from your position only bringing your face out for Bellamy to see. You were close, your faces barely inches apart as Bellamy licked his lips. “You know, you’re right.” He mumbled. “Those things are terrifying.” You threw your head back in laughter, clinging into Bellamy as he adored the sound of your laugh and laughed with you. The moment you stopped, your laughs quieting down, Bellamy took his chance and kissed you.

You knew it was coming, but it still surprised you, making you gasp as you kissed him back. He cupped your cheek as you wrapped your hands behind his neck as your lips fit perfectly together. You savored the feeling of his lips as soon as they were gone, replaced with a smile of your own as you pulled away.

“Not a bad kisser, Blake.” You joked as he shrugged, reaching down to grab your hand.

“Well, I kind of have to be to keep up with you and your rambles.” You let out another laugh, letting your head hang down with a sleep.

“You think you’re funny?”

Bellamy pretended to think for a minute. “Well, are you afraid of spiders?” he joked, knowing the answer was yes. You rolled your eyes, smirking at Bellamy before leaning in for another kiss he was happy to give. 

A/N: hehe I hate spiders... I’m sorry for this... also it’s 3:30 in the morning... I really need to stop writing/posting this late 😂

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[vln-vibes]

First Encounters

Day One of February Memory  @maribat-2k20 Haly’s Circus was the greatest thing Marinette had ever experienced in her six year old life. Her maman and papa had decided to take her while nonna was visiting, having sung praises of the circus and that she knew a few of the performers.

Marinette was young but she knew Gina Dupain could not be tied to one place for so long, it made sense that she had taken to meeting so many people. Marinette hoped to be like her one day; carefree, adventurous, brave and kind.

As the lights dimmed down she could feel the anticipation of the room build up; she thought she saw Nino, Kim and Chloe in the crowd but it was too dark to really tell.  She could always just ask on Monday.

Soon the ringmaster, Haly, came out with the ever used “Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Welcome to Haly’s Traveling Circus”

It was so colorful and captivating, the little girl almost felt like the show was catered for her, easily going above and beyond to almost unthinkable feats.

From strongmen to animal tamers to body contortionists. All of it was amazing!

The clowns were funny and colorful; the acrobats graceful and flawless; the strongmen looking like they put no effort; the animal tamers never using the whip as they just guided the tigers through tricks; knife throwers never missing a beat; contortionists looking effortless and comfortable. A parade of the animals came out and Marinette was a true goner.

The elephants were beginning to leave the arena, clowns and acrobats still doing tricks on their backs, when a drumroll began, lights dimming again, spotlights flying all over the place as Haly’s voice boomed.

“Ladies and Gents, feast your eyes on Haly’s own pride and joy; The Flying Graysons!”

In a split second the spotlights pointed at two different stands high up in the tent, had they always been so high up? As two men, one on each side, began to throw themselves onto the middle, she felt her stomach sink looking lower; there was no safety net.

Marinette subconsciously began to play with her lucky charm, a string bracelet she made one day after school and concentrated her wishes in.

The little girl never took her eyes off of the Flying Graysons; the two men performing life defying flips as they swung onto the different poles. Suddenly two women joined the mix, grabbing onto the men as they flew. Marinette, even as a six year old, knew that they loved what they were doing and were good at it.

Out of nowhere, one of the women was being hung upside down by a man, reaching out for something. Then a boy joined them.

She could almost imagine him laughing, maybe he was, as he was thrown from adult to adult, all while doing flips and tricks between intervals.

Even from a distance she could tell he was not much older than she was, gripping her lucky charm tighter. 

Soon the boy was placed down onto one of the stands, waving at the crowd as they cheered.

“Now for the Flying Graysons’ signature move; the Quadruple Somersault!”

Everything seemed to move in slow motion, Marinette counting the rotations as best as she could. She didn’t notice the photo her nonna took as she stared intently.

As soon as it started, it was over, the Flying Graysons and the rest of the circus coming out for one last act and a bow.

“How’d you enjoy that my little Marinetta?” Marinette could barely stop herself from shouting in joy and jumping around as she began to babble on about the amazing feats of the circus. Her family only laughed along at her enthusiasm as they walked closer to the stands, though Marinette bumped into familiar faces as she did.

“Hey Nino, Kim” the petite girl had caught their attention as their parents were talking to one another. The two waved back at their friend from school, fangirling about the awesome performances they witnessed.

“I have a little surprise for my little Marinetta; I’m sure you’d like to show your friends as well” Marinette couldn’t help but enthusiastically nod as she dragged the two boys where her grandmother was guiding them, their parents trailing slowly behind. The trio noticed Chloe, arms crossed as both her parents seemed occupied with phone calls, promptly ignoring her, as she complained that she wanted to leave. 

She hadn’t known much about Chloe in the year that they’ve been classmates other than she could be a brat at times and was very bosy. They didn’t talk often since Chloe would rather play or give orders around the girls while Marinette didn’t mind getting dirty with the boys. She felt sad for the girl, giving her a small wave; Chloe looked surprised but huffed and gave a small wave back. Chloe wasn’t exactly her friend but she reasoned that the girl didn’t have many. Nino and Kim helped Marinette beacon Chloe closer, pointing at Gina, who had noticed that the kids had stopped and was now watching as they tried to convince the blonde to join them.

She looked skeptical before pulling at her parents’ pants, the two giving different looks, one of annoyance and the other of worry, before she pointed at the group of children. The two eyed one another for a moment before nodding and going back to whatever it was they were doing before.

Now the four children walked behind Gina like ducklings, each giggling and talking about their favorite parts; Kim liked the strongmen, Nino the clowns, Chloe admitted that the ringmaster was her favorite but agreed that Marinette’s choice of the Flying Graysons was acceptable as well. They had been so caught up with each other that they hadn’t realized they were now in the center of the ring until a familiar voice laughed before them.

“Well, if it isn’t the infallible Regina” the kids stood in awe as Haly, as in ringmaster Haly, gave a kiss on both cheeks to Marinette’s nonna.

“Oh that was so long ago Haly dear. I go by Gina or nonna these days” the older woman laughed as she got the kids to approach, “This is my granddaughter and her friends from school”

“Why aren’t you little things?” Haly gave a tip of his top hat, a slight curtsey as he greeted them “ Its always a pleasure entertaining family, say you look close to little Dickie’s age” the man then whistled, some of the workers, they realized were the performers that were beginning to prep for their next show later in the evening, turned around. “Where’s little Dickie?”

“Here!” they looked up to see the young boy from the Flying Graysons wave from the staircase that lead up to the balcony where he and the others would fly. “What’s up Haly?”

“Regina is that you?” the boy turned to see the four older Flying Graysons hug Gina as she returned it in earnest. “Oh look at you all, is that little Richard?”

One of the black haired men and a ginger woman nodded, the boy getting close to them, as they showed him off.

“Our little boy is certainly bigger since last time” the man, John Grayson, chuckled as his wife, Mary, sighed.

“Has it really been two years since you left already?”

“You know me; I can never stay in one place for so long”

“Wow so your grandmother is Regina?” the boy, Richard? Dick?, was looking at Marinette though the girl herself seemed confused.

“Y-Yes? I thought her name was Gina” she looked quizzically, wondering what exactly it was that her grandmother got into when she was exploring the world.

“That’s so cool! I remember her motorcycle routine; it was awesome” the boy exclaimed as the four Parisians re-evaluating the lady they knew as a doting grandmother who traveled a lot.

“Thanks…”

“I’m Richard John Grayson, though everyone just calls me Dick. What’s your name?”

“U-Uh I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng and these are my friends”

“Nino Lahiffe!” the boy seemed to want to bury himself alive given how loud he had unintentionally been.

“Le Chien Kim” the boy laughed, ecstatic because he wanted to see if they could sneak off to where the animals were kept.

“Chloe Bourgeois” the girl said with a flick of her pigtails, almost scoffing at the boy. She supposed he wasn’t awful given he managed to wow her mother when his family performed.

“Y-You’re family was amazing!” Marinette piped up, her face growing red even as her friends joined in afterwards giving their praises.

“Totally cool!”

“Not entirely boring”

“How does it feel?”

“Hmm” Dick hummed pensively before snapping his fingers playfully “ It’s like flying”

“Isn’t it scary?” Marinette shyly asked as she looked up “I was so nervous I kept holding my lucky charm” she pointed at a little handmade bracelet as to emphasize on her point.

“Sometimes but I remember that I’m a Grayson; we’re made to fly” the boy said with as much bravado and certainty as if he had said that the sky was blue.

“O-Oh” Marinette let on before taking off her charm and handing it to him with as much care as a six year old could “I’d feel better knowing you had a lucky charm too”

“Wow Mari you don’t let anyone touch your charm!” Kim exclaimed as the others nodded. She had once tackled a kid who tried taking it from her and moved when another tried grabbing the wrist where it was.

“It’s a great honor” Nino nodded sagely.

“Well then I’ll treasure it forever Mari” Dick laughed along, tying it with little struggle. 

As Gina watched the children she just knew it was the start of something special between the Flying Grayson and her little granddaughter.

[serceleste]

hamilton thoughts part 5

Yep, I have a part 5! Stuff I love about Hamilton! (Also not done, lol, there’s another one.)

James Reynolds can jam.

Shout-out to all those ensemble members with amazing arms, I see you.

The way they start singing to everyone “in the rooftops” in My Shot!

Also how the dancing starts so small in My Shot, and by the end the four guys are dancing with the whole ensemble, full out, like recruitment into the revolution.

I recently watched some videos on the choreography so I’m in love with that again. Literally every beat and every movement means something and it’s genius.

On the subject of the choreography, the way the duels are staged is really fabulous.

The mirroring in them is so cool too, with the lyrics Ten Duel Commandments/”ten things you need to know”, and between Philip and Alexander aiming their guns to the sky, and all of that.

So like, when I’m singing it, Daveed raps SO FAST, and I am not worthy, but also, people whine about Lin because in fairness he isn’t the most polished singer or the best technically speaking (I could honestly listen to him sing forever though, sorry not sorry), and his range is limited, but his parts are hard to do too because Hamilton is always saying SO MUCH, everything is such a mouthful. (My Shot is so hard to sing, damn.) What Lin’s doing there isn’t easy, so, respect.

I always talk about the lyrics and could rhapsodize over them forever but also the music is banging.

Hamilton and King Louis’ head in a basket is so funny.

Also I love how in Cabinet Battle #1 Washington is speaking to the audience, and Hamilton jumps up and down like he’s egging the crowd into getting worked up.

Daveed’s face when he says “my God” in We Know. It’s amazing to be able to see HOW they’re saying what you can hear on the soundtrack.

Like Hamilton all up in Washington’s face for the “call me son one more time!”

Or, damn, how up in Hamilton’s face Angelica is during The Reynolds Pamphlet when she’s crushing him. Imagine if she got to sing Congratulations!! I love how they’re close enough to kiss, and have the emotion to kiss, but it’s the wrong kind of emotion and instead she is just completely reaming him for being an idiot.

I also love getting the slightly less polished version of everything by being able to watch it, like how Lin’s voice cracks at a few points because he’s so emotional, or the bit with Eliza in Stay Alive (Reprise) I mentioned before. Obviously by virtue of it being filmed we only get one take but I love the reminder that it was a live show so literally every time they did it, it was a bit different. It’s funny thinking that the film is actually a compilation from a few different performances, so in editing it together they would have picked different versions of scenes to use.

Hamilton can honestly be such a dick and I love him. I wish we got to see the John Adams rap. I definitely have the video of Lin rapping it saved to my hard drive, lol.

That little nose boop from Eliza to Peggy in The Schuyler Sisters. <3

Hamilton bowing over the sword when Washington presents it to him in History Has Its Eyes on You! That… does a lot for me, lol. But then I watched a video where Lin was talking about his final performance and he said when Hamilton salutes Washington that Chris saluted him and he got that single tear and now I just… have so many… feelings…

It’s so funny watching them all be so proud of the shit they wrote, you know, like Madison’s “which I wrote!!”

I’ve heard Lin talk about the use of silence, in reference to writing the ending, and it is really striking whenever he uses it. The moment Hamilton learns Laurens has died, most of The World Was Wide Enough being through Burr and not Hamilton, the fact that Eliza is silent through most of It’s Quiet Uptown and Hamilton doesn’t sing again after the duel. Genuinely amazing.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

[anotherkindofmindpod]

I’d love for you guys to have Mark Lewisohn on your show just to grill him. As someone who’s experienced workplace bullying and sexual assault, that he would go so far as to paint Klein as “heroic” when he said things like “reluctant virgin” is just so devastating to me. It makes me feel ill. I do NOT want this man to have a say in Beatles history. I love the Beatles. I don’t want that tainted by people who will paint over abuse just to feed their own self importance.

We vehemently agree, Listener!  Thank you for writing in.

Our list of grievances with Mark Lewisohn is long, but in a nutshell we believe his intent is to publicly “redeem” John Lennon and we have seen copious evidence that he will go to whatever lengths he has to in order to do this. 

That includes, but is not limited to: 

Claiming that readers of his Tune In Series may consider Klein the “hero” of the Beatles break-up

Deliberately spreading the demonstrably false lie that John (and Yoko) did not have a significant heroin problem in the late 60s and early 70s (Lewisohn suggests Cold Turkey is just John playing make believe)

Displaying unapologetic favoritism by using glowing terms to portray John and Yoko as the world’s most perfect romance, as opposed to Paul and Linda, whose 29-year marriage he dismisses as “conventional” and motivated by appearances (namely Linda’s pregnancy, even though it was planned) and Green Card needs

Stating that he could tell from watching the infamous “it’s a drag” clip that Paul was kind of sad, but primarily annoyed at how much positive attention John was getting on the day of his murder

Apparently suggesting to an audience of his Power Point Show that Paul maybe stole a leg off Yoko’s bed (the bed she had delivered and built in the Beatles’ recording studio, mind you), a personal “theory” which is based on the fact that Paul later wrote a song called “Three Legs” (you know that song: “My dog, he got three legs, like the bed you inappropriately brought into Abbey Road 2 years ago which I secretly vandalized behind your back because I have nothing better to do, am certainly not busy writing the Beatles Swan Song and don’t have a fucking 7 year old at home or anything”)

This isn’t even to mention Tune In, which could be a whole separate post and episode. Suffice it to say, this book often reads less like a Beatles biography and more like John Lennon Fanfiction to us.

Lewisohn managed to distinguish himself by doing (some) research and unearthing some original documents. That he had some skill in research is not surprising given that he started his career in Beatledom as a researcher for Norman, on his book Shout — which Lewisohn still contends is a good book. Norman, on the other hand has evolved his opinion of his own work and thinks Shout was flawed, so has written a whole biography on Paul to make up for what he sees as the failure of Shout, which is his underestimation of Paul. Unfortunately, Lewisohn does not seem to have made this same journey. He pays lip service to John and Paul being equal, and then spends all of his time and energy trying to prove otherwise. Norman says that he has created a monster in Lewisohn. We take his point.

One of our biggest issues with Lewisohn is that he vigorously promotes himself as an unbiased truth teller, and his calm manner seems to telegraph this. But it is not true. The research that Lewisohn does and the spin that he applies to his findings are all heavily biased. As we mentioned in one of our episodes, he travelled to Gibraltar simply to experience where John and Yoko got married. Yet when Paul calls the May 9th meeting over management the metaphorical cracking of the Liberty Bell, Lewisohn doesn’t even bother to Google it so he can understand the metaphor.

What he chooses to research is also a form of bias. For example, we at AKOM are very interested in Paul’s relationship with Robert Fraser during the Beatle years — since Paul has commented that Fraser was one of the most important, influential people in his life. Paul McCartney was the concept artist behind Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, the Magical Mystery Tour film, the iconic Apple logo, and he co-designed the covers of the White Album and Abbey Road.  All of these are pretty defining moments in the Beatles’ career.  As Beatles fans, we’d like to know more about Paul’s art education and influences. But we would be shocked if Lewisohn dug into Fraser at all beyond his relationship as John and Yoko’s gallerist/curator (and heroin dealer, but since that isn’t a thing in Lewisohn’s world then maybe he will be ignored).

We think Lewisohn benefits massively from the fact that Beatles authorship was like the Wild West since its inception, when everyone with a connection to the Beatles (plus or minus a personal axe to grind) wrote a book about their experience. It was absolute chaos, with no rules, no checks and balances, uncredited sources, etc. Just an absolute shit show.  What Lewisohn did was bring some order to the chaos with some proper documentation. But again, what he chooses to dig into often reflects bias. And this certainly does not mean that he is intellectually or emotionally equipped to interpret his findings. Doing this takes social intelligence and insight, which is a very different skill. As a creator of myths, he is no better (and no more insightful or original) than many of the others who came before him; he worships John Lennon and freely admits it. He is not even close to being unbiased.  But in this dumpster fire of a fandom he has at least checked some boxes and done some digging.  The fact is, the bar has been so low for so long that Beatles fans don’t even know how to expect or want better.  But WE certainly expect better.  We expect some breakthrough, fresh thinking.  Not just Shout with Receipts.

We think it’s significant that Lewisohn was deeply disliked by George Harrison, who lobbied to get him kicked him off the Anthology project. He was fired from Paul’s fan club magazine, and yet no one seems to think he might hold a grudge about that, too?  Lewisohn so distorted John and Paul’s relationship in Tune In that he believes he is the target of the lyrics in Paul’s song “Early Days.“  And he either thinks that’s flattering or funny, because Lewisohn seems to truly believe he knows John Lennon better than Paul McCartney does.  We find it almost tragic that Paul is so bothered by the way his experience and relationship is being portrayed by authors (perhaps Lewisohn) that he wrote a song about it. In it, he conveys his frustration and heartache about how everything is misconstrued and we find it absolutely outrageous that Lewisohn would not take this to heart.  Perhaps Lewisohn thinks Paul should listen to him for a change? And if he doesn’t like it, then tough, because Lewisohn knows better? We think Lewisohn should do some serious soul-searching about “Early Days” because if one of his main subjects is saying, “you are getting it wrong and it is breaking my heart”….maybe, just maybe, he should listen and rethink things.  Maybe apply a little creativity, out-of-the-box thinking and empathy. This is what his heroes did.

Meanwhile, Jean Jackets are SO BUSY complaining that Paul McCartney doesn’t like Lewisohn because he “tells the truth!” that they fail to notice that Lewisohn has become a mouthpiece for Yoko Ono.  He has already started white-washing John Lennon’s history, promoting John and Yoko as the true and only geniuses versus Paul as the craven, small-minded Lennon disciple who (through no virtue of his own) was born with the ability to write some nice tunes.  Lewisohn’s version of John, on the other hand, is ALWAYS a sexy, visionary genius on the right side of every issue.  He even went out of his way to recently trash Paul’s early 70’s albums, which -in addition to being obnoxious and we believe wrong (since we love them)- is totally outside his purview.

Lastly, to address your original point, Lewisohn’s claim that Klein may be viewed as the “hero” of his Beatles History reveals that he hasn’t shown sufficient empathy or interest in Paul’s experience.  This claim at best ignores and at worst condones the fact that Klein was an abusive monster to one of the two founding members of the Beatles.  As we discussed in Episode 4, Klein was a criminal who bullied Paul in his creative workspace, disrespected Paul in his own office in front of his own employees and actively pitted Lennon against McCartney for years.  It’s hard to imagine ANYONE who inflicted more damage on the Beatles and Lennon/McCartney than Allen Klein.  In addition to the wildly inappropriate “reluctant virgin” nickname, he verbally threatened to “own Paul’s ass” (to which Paul responded “he never got anywhere near my ass”). Klein was so disrespectful to Paul and Linda’s marriage he pitched the idea of procuring “a blonde with big tits” to parade in front of Paul to lure him away from Linda and destroy their relationship.  Let’s also never forget that Klein contributed lyrics to the song “How Do You Sleep.”  Allen Klein literally gave Paul nightmares.  Anyone who so much as pretends to care about Paul’s break-up era depression (including his alcohol abuse, his inability to get out of bed and his terrifying sleep paralysis) would not champion Allen Klein.

Yes, Klein is a human being and therefore has his own POV, same as anyone else.  But a Beatles biographer is beholden to four points of view only: John, Paul, George and Ringo.  And when an outsider is openly hostile to one of the Beatles and damaging long-term to all of the Beatles, it is beyond inappropriate to portray him as a hero.  This type of comment, made publicly to an audience of Beatles fans, invalidates and seeks to erase the real trauma inflicted on Paul McCartney by Allen Klein, and we think Lewisohn should apologize for his comments.

Instead, Lewisohn’s current buddy is Peter Brown, whose book, The Love You Make so offended and angered Paul and Linda that they literally burned their copy (and photographed it burning for good measure).  This information doesn’t appear to bother Lewisohn in the least. Why not?

George referred to Norman’s Shout as “Shit.” But Lewisohn thinks it’s a great book.  Why?

How any Beatles or Paul or even George fans tolerate Lewisohn is baffling to us; we don’t recognize a real human being in his version of Paul, and his version of John is a superhero rather than a man.  We suspect that fans have come to accept the traditional story and at least appreciate some properly-documented facts. 

But as we are constantly trying to demonstrate on our show, just because the story has always been told one way, doesn’t mean it’s right.  Because in the end, Mark Lewisohn has no special insight. He wasn’t there. He is a guy who bought into a narrative during the Shout era, and is cherry picking his findings to support it.You can find a discussion of Lewisohn here