#but it's written now. Augh

[thewatercolours]

King's Quest Fic: "Priorities," Chapter 3

Lady Piernoir,

I have done some thinking about the conversation we had at the Lily and Throne last week. I told you I would write to you once I had made up my mind about whether serving Count Carolus was for me. Well, I have decided. It was kind of you to offer me a place in your household, but I think I can do better here in the Count’s castle.

I would like to take the chance to remind you that I have a sister who is looking for work, and that if you ever have an opening for her, I’d be glad for you to write to me. So I can get in touch with her. You can pass the note on to me through the guards at the gate – they’ll make sure I get it.

Grimm

Dear Amaya,

I’m just praying that they’re right and milk works just as well as invisible ink as lemon juice does, because I sure couldn’t get my hands on any lemons. But if you’re reading this, I guess it worked well enough.

I know we’re trying to keep letters to a minimum, but there’s new information you have to know about before any more time goes by. I have to keep this short, so I’ll stick to the most important things:

Whisper and Acorn are definitely here . I rub shoulders with Whisper just about every day, and I tracked down Acorn too. They’ve been made servants too – or slaves, really. Amaya, the Count doesn’t seem to have any magic himself, but he’s got a collection of these horrible rings that make the servants and guards’ minds warp. When you’re wearing one, it starts changing you slowly, making you feel loyal to the Count.

And there’s no way to take them off without the key. I know, because he fitted me out with one too. I have tried everything to get it off – sliding it off with butter or axel grease, filing at it, smashing it against the stone wall. I thought if I could just get it off, there might be a way to fake I was still wearing it, at least to anyone not looking closely. But nothing works. It might as well be a diamond for all the good  filing does to it, and it won’t budge no matter what I do with my finger.

But I’ve got to get it off. That thing started working instantly the moment I got it locked on. I don’t know how to explain this, but the whole time I’m writing this, I feel just so. Guilty. Not like I’m nervous to get caught. More like I’m doing something ungrateful, or even downright wrong, telling you the Count makes us slaves or that I want to take the ring off. I feel like going to him and making a clean breast of it all. Of course I won’t. I can reason it through, and I know what’s actually happening to me. But I’m worried about whether I’ll be able to do that long term, just based on what I see in Acorn.

He's much further gone than Whisper, even though I guess they were brought here at the same time. They’ve got him working down in the armoury (one place in the castle you’d probably like, if the situation were different.) I’ve managed to meet with him twice. The first time he recognized me, and Amaya, he was furious with me for coming there, even when I told him it was a rescue mission. He kept talking about how the Count depended on him, and he couldn’t up and leave, and he wasn’t going to stand for bad talk about him. He seemed to realize the ring was affecting him, but he said the magic in the rings only magnifies what you already believe, and he believes in the Count. I couldn’t get through to him, and I was worried to push too far. I was afraid he might turn me in. The second time I was sent down there with a message, he had a hard time knowing who I was. Like I was familiar, but it was hazy. I am still trying to decide if I should try to remind him who I am, or if I can do him more good by just being another servant who’s noticed some disturbing things.

Whisper’s all right, I hope. Further along than me, but when we were alone it seemed like a big relief to him that I was there. He wanted to know if I was going to get them out. Of course I told him I would. He’s trying to put a brave face on it, but I can tell that “loyal” voice in his mind is louder than mine is. He wants to get out, but he also wants to obey. But he’s hanging on for now. Funny that Whisper should be doing that better than Acorn could.

I have no idea what timeline my own mind is on. I need to check in with you somehow, so that if things start getting bad, you can intervene. Maybe it’s good you weren’t able to visit Lady Carolus because she was giving birth that day – this gives you a fresh chance to try and call on her and try to strike up a friendship. Which I will need you to do if you ever suspect I’m losing myself. I can’t write you check-in letters. That would be too suspicious. We need to save these for the really important news. So, I don’t remember – can you see the tallest tower from the Lily and Crown? I’m a family servant, so I’m housed up there. Maybe the whole signalling with a lantern thing is overdone, and suspicious, but I think it’s the best we’ve got. Every three nights, around midnight, I’ll put a lantern right in the window, just for a minute, and then take it away. If you see it, you’ll know I think I can keep going. If I miss it twice, please find an excuse to come here if you can. Make Whisper and Acorn the priority if it comes down to it.

(I hope I forget about this signalling thing if my mind goes too far. It would be awful if I remembered and tried to use it against you. But what else can we do?)

There’s barely any room left on either side of the paper, so let’s leave it at this: I have a few plans to try to get our friends out. I won’t write them here for now, but things are underway. If it’s safe to, please keep Number One up to date with everything going on here in Arkney.

I’d tell you to be strong, Amaya, but that would be ridiculous coming from me to you. So – all the best.

KG

[steph-anie723]

“He aims his pistol at the sky!” “WAIT!”

Happy 220th anniversary to the Burr-Hamilton duel! (July 11th, 1804)

[buwheal]

Hey spamton, do you have a comb or shampoo brand to recommend? I just ask because your hair looks nice.

[sammygender]

thinking about dean growing up and putting everything before himself. hunting and his brother and his dad and his dad’s revenge quest for their mom. he doesn’t matter. he is entirely irrelevant. thinking about dean internalising this as just what you do, just how people behave and how they should behave. him viewing selfish as the worst thing you can possibly be.

then thinking about sam growing up and fighting. brave enough to challenge their father and rebel against him and voice something different, brave enough to focus on what he wants. dean seeing this and it stings - he could never do that. how is sam acting like that? he can’t believe that’s the right way to behave. so sam must be selfish, just in believing he has any right to his own life.

dean sublimates himself for the family and expects sam to do the fame, and his resentment and jealousy that sam doesn’t turns into anger and making sam out to be the mean one, the one in the wrong. and this never goes away. this is always what dean levels at sam - that he’s selfish, that in wanting to make his own choices he’s rejecting their family, rejecting dean……. awful. toxic. evil evil message to send to sam. entirely in character. dean wants to prioritise sam, would save him over the world. but he doesn’t care what sam wants.

selflessness isn’t always a charming character trait. it’s not the same thing as a generosity of spirit and it’s definitely not the same thing as being caring. sometimes selflessness just means you’re incapable of prioritising your life and incapable of understanding how anyone else could or should prioritise theirs. sometimes it means you still act selfishly, you just convince yourself you were objectively in the right, because doing something actually for yourself is unthinkable. sometimes it means you think the very act of having wants and boundaries is selfish, no matter whether they’re yours or anyone else’s.

anyway… thoughts on dean’s specific brand of awfulness regarding sam. what does it matter to him what sam actually wants? since when did it ever matter in the winchester household what anyone wanted? dean had to deal with things he didn’t want for the mission (for john). sam has to deal with things he doesn’t want for the mission (for dean). augh. the cycles

[luminique]

sorry to all the lighter enjoyers, but i fear my mind has been INFESTED by sunday because of his drip marketing….

no one here understands the sheer amount of stuff i have written and how much i think about him and robin. hyv wrote doomed religious trauma siblings FOR ME !!

[entering--hyperspace]

Sjiwjwiwqnjawn it feels silly to start writing about an 8 year old oc again, in a way. But it also feels like i missed out on a lot bc i was younger at the time...its hard to describe. Idk, my brain wasnt fully developed i couldn't cook oc lore as hard as I can now, i didnt have the skill i wanted to show my ideas like I do (kinda) now. Idk i feel like im in a weird place where it feels too late to really make my mark and share stuff about him while knowing ive been yapping a lot about him as i go through the story and flesh out parts of him i either forgot or felt too cringe to actually.

[mythicalwatch101]

HELLO. I AM HERE TO TALK ABOUT KROMER/CANTO 3

kromie is one of my Favorite characters Of All Time and if i see one more person horribly misinterpret her & her story & her motivations i am for real going to distort

FIRST AND FOREMOST

CANTO 3 ISN'T ABOUT ABLEISM

(it's not about racism either. she's not "cyborg racist". god damn it.)

canto 3 is about

religious extremism & societal pressure

PROSTHETICS IN THE CITY ≠ DISABILITY

prosthetics in the pm world are pretty obviously NOT the same as prosthetics in our world, and using them to point towards kromer being ableist is one of the weakest arguments i have ever seen in my entire life. give me ONE piece of evidence of kromer being ableist that doesn't mention prosthetics i fucking dare you

look at that. it's not about needing a missing arm replaced, or legs that you can walk on; it's about doing away with all of the inefficiencies of a flesh and blood body. you can get so much more work done if you don't need to eat or sleep!

unfortunately, there are many ways to be ableist and if she truly was, to the point where it was an important part of her character with an entire canto centered around it (like hating pm-prosthetics is), then i feel like maybe

just maybe

she would express this in other ways

that don’t involve slaughtering people that just happen to be made of metal.

just a thought.

which brings me to my next point

Prosthetics in the City are about class and money and the societal pressure i mentioned earlier

UNNECESSARY PRESSURE TO CONFORM TO THE AESTHETIC

WORTHLESS SURGERIES THAT POOR PEOPLE CAN’T AFFORD AND YET FEEL THE NEED TO GET ANYWAY

SINCLAIR’S BODILY AUTONOMY BEING STRIPPED AWAY FROM HIM SO THAT HE MATCHES HIS FAMILY

sinclair's family even turned their DOG into a robot for god's sake

it's a fad! it's cool to turn yourself into a robot! it's the new thing everyone is doing, so now you have to do it too to fit in with everyone else! even sinclair himself acknowledges this when talking about his family

also adding a ruina screenshot from this post i saw a while ago that i think you all should read

was hesitant to include it because i wanted to make my point without dragging ruina into this, to prove that you don't NEED the context from ruina to understand kromer's beliefs and motivations, but like. look at this. what the fuck.

"adjust emotions" "completely shut off desires" look me in the eyes and tell me this has ANYTHING to do with disability. i dare you. this is some rich people shit

prosthetics are a LUXURY for some, and a TOOL for others; something for rich people to enjoy, and for poor people to either get a shitty version of, or to sell their soul to afford, so that they can survive in the capitalist's dream world! kind of reminds me of cars, actually

(the extra info abt prosthetics from ruina helps, but as someone who has mostly only played limbus & doesn’t have the full context of the other games, it’s obvious even to me that they're not a disability thing)

in conclusion;

kromer is not ableist

she just really really really likes flesh and is super weird about it

to paraphrase/add to something someone said in that post i linked earlier: the district has an "ideal form" for the human body, and kromer has an "ideal form" for the human body, but these "ideal forms" are not the same

she prefers the human body the way it is, and when she sees this "ideal form" that's like the exact opposite of HER "ideal form" starting to take over, she resorts to being a violent bloodthirsty cult leader about it because she sucks ass and is incapable of being normal

she is a bad person and you are allowed to hate her ofc but please for the love of god hate her for something she’s actually done. stop making shit up

[volivolition]

gotta draw more voli and echem being little haters to each other. i know their canon interactions are arguing over temptations vs abstinence and i LOVE that dynamic. unfortunately i am also the world's biggest fucking softie and i go weak in the knees for them working together and being affectionate.

[direbeastrex]

Tumblr I had an extremely vivid dream which was basically an act 2 finale/act 3 post intermission scene of a fucked up fae court broadway drama and if i don't tell someone about it I'll forget it and I cannot. allow that. to happen. I'm gonna describe it in as much detail as I can but then I'm going to write the rest as prose because this is my new headworld now apparently and I am OBSESSED WITH IT and no one is gonna write fanfiction for me to read about it so I just have to push up my flannel sleeves and do it myself.

In the dream itself, I was either waiting in the wings to go on stage, or I was a stage hand, but given the rest of the sequence played in-universe I'm going to assume it was the former. I got to see the actress for the main villain of the show, this kinda cross between Elphaba from Wicked, Elsa from Frozen, and Vyranoth and the Winter Queen from World of Warcraft, as she put on this giant plastic icey helm dotted with LEDS, that I originally thought had animations projected onto it like modern disney rides, but when I woke up realized it was more likely to just be a weird screen in and of itself playing her fae-like facial expressions as she sang to make it look like her whole head was made of ice. She was impossibly tall, and wearing a massive flowing black gown and billowing cloak- partly she was just a tall actress, partly though the head wasn't actually over her head, it was on a rig over her shoulders to give her more height- and because the plan was for her head to *come off* at some point during the show when she got beheaded, I think. That didn't happen in the scope of the dream but i knew that was how it was supposed to work. The way she got felled on stage though was through an elaborate system of ropes and flying rigs that as she was mid-leap towards an opponent in the big battle happening on stage, a *massive* amount of these long metal javelin-like spears were lobbed at her and appeared to pierce her back and sides until she looked like a massive porcupine. She hits the deck in agony in the midst of a massive musical crescendo and the curtain falls for intermission, which my brain skipped, but after that the intro-conceit of this taking place on stage was also dropped, so there went all the multi-coloured light films and the staging and music for the most part. The part that stuck with me is the aftermath- the act-3 scene-1 type beat, though it was almost entirely in-universe from this point on. There were other characters and initially the staging was vaguely simpatico with the idea of a stage show- but all that slowly faded away into my perspective character and this enormous figure of this ice queen.

[ailinu]

eternally afflicted by taking important characters out of the story for the middle act. defining them in part by their absence. letting establishing relationships shift uncomfortably without them. curtailing their direct agency in the story and leaving them to contend with indirect means. which is good stuff.

however! this means that they're then absent for the middle act, which is a real bane for me when i'm obsessed with their whole deal and want them there.

[perilegs]

i was watching a reality tv show that had someone from my hometown in it and oh my god how can hearing your own dialect sound so much like home 😭😭 i live like an hour away from my hometown so the dialect there and where i live now dont really differ that much but it makes all the difference to me especially since i know the longer i live in here the less i start sounding like im from home

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

i have several e-rated fics (nearly) ready to post and the smart thing to do would be to save them as kinktober prompt fills but i have no self control and that feels so far away

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

randomly remembered neon genesis evangelion 2: -another cases-, for the PSP, wherein kaworu does makeup for shinji,

[inkats]

ok today's prompt is future! uhm. no spoilies. so. elfie wanted to do braids.

[flutteringfable]

doodles of miwa except i REALLY wanted to draw them on the brink of tears and crying. also kitty jammies

i want them to be like. the type of person that wants to consistently look like theyre fine so as not to concern other people. so when they do cry, they tend to blame it on exhaustion or overworking so people don't get too worried. even in situations where it would be totally normal to cry, miwa has put up so many walls that it's just instinct to try to hide it regardless.

when theyre on the brink of tears, they try to smile more to stave them off. it rarely works but its become such a habit they do it regardless. theyre pretty okay at holding back their tears and hiding their true emotions, but under extreme pressure (like, say. a killing game.) it becomes more difficult.

oc x canon ramblings because this train of thought accidentally got really out of hand:

i think that kokichi can always clock when miwa's smiles are fake, no matter how convinced everyone else is. he's a liar himself, after all, and knows how to read all the signs. it comes as no surprise to him; no one would be able to remain that unshakably positive during something as terrifying as a killing game. earlier on in the game, he finds himself... worried, for whatever reason. seeing miwa strain to keep up their warm and brave personality is straining in and of itself.

after the first trial, miwa is the first to leave. they don't want anyone to see them crying, even if several others are, too. kokichi is the only one to notice their haste. when miwa hurries through the dining hall the next morning to get breakfast, they take it outside instead of eating with everyone else. kokichi follows (not without suspicion from the others, of course).

he finds them in the courtyard, and miwa doesn't notice him until he's close enough to hear them sniffling. they startle once they realize he's there, and try to quickly wipe their face. miwa knows they're caught, though.

they worry, at first. they've been around kokichi for long enough to be suspicious of his intentions. however, kokichi just sits next to them.

"bottling stuff up for so long is bad for you, y'know."

"...huh?"

"it's perfectly reasonable to cry in a situation like this. i don't think anyone here would think you're weird for it."

miwa gives kokichi the most intense side eye he's ever seen.

"woah, hey, no need for the look. you've seen how much i cry; i might be a liar but i'm no hypocrite."

okay, well, maybe that was a lie, too. kokichi never claimed to be good at genuine reassuring words. miwa seems to pick up on this, but doesn't make a comment. instead, they sigh.

"i just... don't like people seeing me cry. i feel like it makes things awkward, or brings them down, too. it's kinda stupid reasoning, i know."

kokichi catches himself before he reflexively replies with a snarky remark. god dammit, he's really out of practice with this whole comforting thing. he decides to pat miwa's shoulder instead.

"it's not stupid. i can see where you're coming from. still, i promise it's okay to let yourself cry around other people. i think just about everyone here would understand."

"and how do i know all of this isn't some elaborate lie to make me embarrass myself?"

kokichi smiles. it's very brief, but the intention is genuine.

"you're just gonna have to trust me."

[ingoodjesst]

this is an off-the-cuff analysis that's disorganized and maybe a bit of projection based on stuff i think about a lot, but to me there's some applicability in aki's arc in chainsaw man part 1 to like, the concept of wanting to take down an entire institution with your own hands all at once. in that, attempting such a feat by yourself is unsustainable and self-annhilating. that's just not how real life works. especially when you're not a superhero, even and especially by the standards of the manga you're in. that's why aki's story is a tragedy.

choosing something destructive over something nourishing.

like. consider the gun devil as a standin for the institutions that drive gun violence or idk, capitalism itself. you could push yourself to the brink railing and fighting it all your life - you can make risky contracts and squander all but two years of your life - but it'll never happen through you alone. it's far more realistic that you need infrastructure, coalitions, and most importantly. sustainability.

and y'know, to his credit, aki DOES understand that he needs help, that he needs people who are stronger, more resilient than him. he understands that he cannot do it literally all by himself; that's part of why he looks out for denji and power and angel and the others. but it is the hubris of constant urgency that is his downfall nonetheless. like. expecting to take down the gun in his lifetime by his very actions? all his life, up until he got cold feet, this was his driving philosophy that he desperately needed to believe. and so he did, to his ultimate detriment.

radical action is often necessary, but breaking apart institutions takes many lives and lifetimes even with direct action and tactics beyond non-violence on the table. because you require the work of building community, connections, resources, infrastructure, etc to (1) organize enough power to rival that of whatever you're tackling; (2) to replace whatever institution(s) you took down; and (3) to create a generative, restorative engine that people can lean on as they go. and sometimes you are just in that ongoing process of building so that when the right convergent conditions finally emerge, victory is possible.

but that's why you cannot wear yourself down and grind yourself down to the bone and expect that to just work. we can dream of systemic change being possible through more than just moderate incrementalism, but it is still unwise to believe that it's literally just you and your work that will make the ultimate difference, that will make the last domino fall. it takes a collective, deliberate, sustainable effort. we as individuals are not insignificant in the makings of change, and sometimes meaningful societal change requires difficult choices and much perseverance. but we cannot expect ultimate sacrifice to result in ultimate success either.

that's why paying attention to what you're doing to your soul and your body and your loved ones matters. that's why it's shortsighted to believe that giving your all to a noble cause is the only way to make something of your life. that's why aki's story is a tragedy.