#oh yeah i guess it also just feels lonely bc idk anyone who actually plays gw2 anymore so it feels like talking to the void 😔

[entering--hyperspace]

Sjiwjwiwqnjawn it feels silly to start writing about an 8 year old oc again, in a way. But it also feels like i missed out on a lot bc i was younger at the time...its hard to describe. Idk, my brain wasnt fully developed i couldn't cook oc lore as hard as I can now, i didnt have the skill i wanted to show my ideas like I do (kinda) now. Idk i feel like im in a weird place where it feels too late to really make my mark and share stuff about him while knowing ive been yapping a lot about him as i go through the story and flesh out parts of him i either forgot or felt too cringe to actually.

[tommybaholland]

Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara 

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy. 

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool. 

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game. 

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him. 

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously. 

are you alive?? 

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara 

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15 

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle. 

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings. 

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.” 

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right. 

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

 there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously. 

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.” 

“wow, that’s great!” 

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.” 

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.” 

“you never let me down!” 

 his smile never let you down. 

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky. 

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing. 

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them. 

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them. 

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all. 

-

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood. 

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol 

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started. 

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing. 

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes. 

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol 

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus 

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though 

thank you i hope its going well 

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning. 

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more. 

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would. 

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement. 

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part. 

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :) 

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid? 

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to. 

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now 

was it okay though? 

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true? 

-

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news. 

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on 

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now 

oh well that’s great! 

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore. 

you had your priorities and suga had his. 

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared. 

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too 

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him. 

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect. 

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him 

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume? 

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him? 

Yeah could you? 

yeah sure!

Yay thanks! 

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out. 

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating. 

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious. 

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month. 

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him. 

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life. 

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara  

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!” 

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it, 

you were in love with koshi sugawara. 

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to. 

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way? 

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon. 

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him? 

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals? 

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :) 

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

 wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet. 

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata 

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult 

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings? 

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

-

it was the friday before the finals game. 

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months. 

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team. 

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.” 

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious. 

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi. 

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there. 

-

you didn’t get much sleep that night. 

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most. 

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it. 

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it. 

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top. 

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success. 

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up. 

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you. 

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did. 

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory. 

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair. 

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first. 

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him. 

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #254

“i hate that it seems you were never enough; we were broken and bleeding, but never gave up.”

What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? My late dog Teddy. Well technically, it was a container of puppy chow behind the tree, but in essence, him. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? I don't think so? Do you think you have a good understanding of love? Yes. What do you want to do on your honeymoon? Relax and enjoy quality time w/ my spouse somewhere great. Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? Yes. If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? At this current time, silver. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them, a lot. Who do you talk to on the phone most often? Actually talk, Mom. But I text Sara more. What’s a song that makes you feel happy? Uhhh "</code>" by MIW came to me first. What celebrity would you like to meet? M-M-M-mARk What is your favorite clothing store? I can't really say. I like Hot Topic's content most, but they're really not all that broad in size range, so it seems unfair to say them. What’s a good idea you’ve had recently? Hell if I know, I don't make those. Do you like to wear high heels? No. What are you most excited about right now? Nothing. Would you like to live in a different country? If so which one? Honestly, if it didn't mean leaving Mom behind, I'd go to Canada by now. Recent events have me fucking livid with America's healthcare system. What’s your favorite song from a movie? Like, it was made for the movie? Man, I dunno. Probably something off Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, though. The soundtrack is magical. Where would you like to volunteer? Realistically, I don't know. A zoo would be incredible, but I handle heat incredibly poorly and also canfuckingnot pick up feces or touch vomit. So, that takes a big chunk out of what volunteers can do there. What’s the last song you listened to? "Another Life" by MIW is on repeat right now and I need to turn it the fuck off because I'm in a bad PTSD episode. Do you like being alone? Sometimes, yes, but not for too long. How do you find new music? YouTube recommendations, usually. What’s your favorite city? I don't have a favorite. I've only ever once been to an even remotely impressive one: Chicago. What’s the last YouTube video you watched? Some tarantula one. I'm fucking addicted to tarantulas now and need a Mexican red knee like now. Once we (hopefully) move, I'm gonna at least try talking Mom into it. Where are you going on your next trip? I don't know. If you had to make a six-hour cross-country journey, would you rather take the train, fly or drive? How come? Fly, if I had the window seat. It's relaxing. How long do your earphones tend to last before the connection goes and you have to replace them? Considering I'm like, constantly using them, Mom says they die fast, judging by how frequently I let her know I need a new pair. She got me a big box of them for Christmas, even. I've got one extra pair left. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, assuming it would look perfect with your coloring, what would you pick and why? Pastel pink bc aesthetic. Are you a fan of musicals? If you are, what ones have you seen live and which ones would you like to see? No. Have you ever had to give up something you were addicted to? Did you actually succeed? Yes. Have you ever had to work (or study) with someone that you really didn’t get along with? How did you deal with it (ignoring them, being nice, etc.)? Maybe at some point, idk. Have you ever had any problems with your wisdom teeth, or have they been taken out already? No. Which one of your senses would you miss the most if you lost it? Hearing, probably. That'd feel so lonely. Do you find your mood changes when you’re hungry or tired? Does eating or sleeping automatically cure you of a bad mood? I can definitely become irritable if I'm extremely hungry and/or tired. Sleeping helps me with a lot of problems, lmao. What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into? Did you make up with that person or did you end up losing them over it? Oh idk. Probably something RP-related as a kid. Have you ever gotten really bad travel sickness? Has this put you off travelling or going by certain modes of transport in case it happens again? No, thankfully. What’s your opinion on prostitution? Should it be legal and regulated, or is it something that needs to be gotten rid of completely? I don't support it. Just leaving it at that. If it was a case of prostitution or being evicted from your home, which option would you pick (assuming you’d tried everything else to make money first)? Evict me. Morally, prostituting would kill me. I have family who thankfully I know would let me stay with them. Are you into piercings and tattoos? If not, do you judge people who are, and vice versa? Hell yeah, so I obviously don't judge people who are. What’s your opinion on places like Seaworld? Do you think keeping whales and dolphins in such small enclosures is cruel or a necessary evil? First: I'm not very educated on how similar *all* Seaworlds are. But in regards to keeping whales, it's inhumane as all fuck. They are WAY too big to be held in such a small space for our goddamn amusement. I support zoos who do what they do for conservation and educational purposes, but from my memory of Seaworld, that's not their primary concern. Who is one person that you no longer hang out with? Why did that association end? My former best friend. There's a novel on why I don't associate with her anymore, but the top reason would be she's just a drama magnet that does no wrong. Wonders why her life is so insane and tumultuous while never looking into herself as the potential reason. What was the last item you put into your pants pocket? I don't really wear pants with pockets, but I'm sure in the last case, it woulda been my phone or money. Who was the last person to endanger your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally? Well I'm certain it was accidental, but idk what the most recent situation would be. What was the last thing you started over on? Job searching, I guess. What was the last task that you completed? Does eating breakfast count? Esp. when you really didn't want it but needed it? Have you ever failed at something extremely important to you? If yes, what? Ah, what a timely question. I dropped out of school for the third fucking time a few days back. When was the last time that you wanted time to move faster? Last night in my regular routine of waking up in the middle of the night twice/thrice. I sleep so poorly that I just want the morning to come at some point so it's "normal" for me to be up. ^Slower? Hm. I dunno. I don't have much reason to want time to slow lately. When was the last time you felt impatient with someone? Currently w/ Mom, but it's at a low level and probably isn't fair feeling impatient in the first place. Who was the last person that you called a “bitch”? I don't know. Probably playfully, anyway. ^Who, if anyone, was the last person to address you by that term? I also don't know. When was the last time you questioned whether or not you were making the right decision? Every time I make one lmao. Has a boy-/girlfriend ever suggested that you might want to lose some weight, or that it might make you look better? lol wow no. What is your idea of “too big” when it comes to weight? Once it comes to a point of infringing on your ability to function normally. ^How about “too thin”? Same as ^, really, it just goes in the opposite direction. Have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend? Yeah, we lasted two weeks lmao. What is the most annoying thing your family members do on a daily basis, if anything? I only live with Mom, and she doesn't regularly do annoying stuff. With which family member do you get along with the least? The best? Least, my grandma. We've gotten kinda better though now that she's dying. Best, Mom. ^Why do you think that you don’t get along well with that family member? We have very, very averse beliefs and standards. Who is someone that you wish would be there for you more often? My sisters, honestly. Shit's going on with them, I always reach out to let them know I'm here. Something's wrong with me, I never hear a word. Have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? If yes, explain? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How often do you find that you are bored? Daily, nearly at all times. This is gonna sound pathetic, but I tend to be so bored so regularly that I experience passively suicidal thoughts now and again because I just feel being dead would almost be more exciting. That's something I'll never act on, but yeah. I have mega bad anhedonia. What activity has the best chance of holding your attention for a long period of time? Hm. Playing a game, maybe. Or if I'm watching a really good video on YT. Have you ever decided that you like/dislike someone based on their survey answers? Yup. What previews did you see at the last movie you saw in theaters? Hell if I remember. How many things are you a fan of on Facebook? Wow, a fucking lot. Back in the day I would "like" lots of those pages that just had funny/relatable names, and man does it pay off (usually) now. I Got The Memes. Do you have more friends on Myspace or Facebook? Probably Facebook? I don't really remember the friending process on MySpace besides the "top 8" thing that destroyed friendships, lmao. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? Maybe? Idk. Have you ever been to a midnight movie? One. What’s your state’s weather usually like this time of year? Too fucking hot. Do you get those leg cramps in the middle of the night? No. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? *shrug* Is your cell phone a qwerty (full keyboard) or no? Yeah. What was the last website you logged onto (besides the one you’re on)? PetSmart to apply for a position as pet trainer. I hate chain pet stores, but whatever, I'm desperate. What’s your home page? Google. Do you have split ends? No. When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I prefer to have a mouse. If you’re learning a language, what year are you in? I'm not anymore. Do you think you’re done growing or will you grow a couple more inches? I'm sure I'm done. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Have you ever encountered a creepy neighbor? OKAY at my old place where I used to ride my bike all the time, there was this old man way down the road that liked to talk to me but he creeped me out so much that I started turning back before I got in sight of his place. Do you like the foam soap or the liquidy soap? Foam. Do you tend to lean towards bright colors or more subtle colors? Bright. Do you use British spelling even though you’re not British? No; I even change it in surveys a lot, lol. When was the last time you attended a barbecue? I don't have a clue. I don't like them. Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? Yeah. Are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? No. What is one similarity between your parents? Christ... they seem incomparable by this point. Do you keep scissors in your kitchen? If so, where? Yes, in the drawer beside the fridge. When was the last time you used a payphone and who were you calling? I've never used one. Have you met everyone who lives on your street? No. Do you have a boyfriend? No. When did you last write out your name? Recently for something at school. Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yeah. What friend can you tell everything to? Sara. Would you be shocked if the last person you had feelings for texted you? No. What if you had a baby with the last person you texted? We're both cis females so physically can't. And neither of us want kids. Who knows your biggest secrets? Mom, Sara, Jason. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Yeah. Who is someone that puts up with you no matter what? My mom. When was the last time you cried? Two days ago I sobbed for a good while. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Not really. Is there a girl you would do anything for? Anything? No. Is there a boy you would do anything for? No. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Ian, but I haven't read it yet. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever been to an auto show? Yooo I remember as a kid, my family went with our friends to a monster truck show, I think it was? I was so not digging it and wanted to go home the whole time. What was the last thing you cooked for dinner? I had one of those Banquet microwavable dinners last night. Spicy chicken and mac 'n cheese. It's fuckin GOOD and really filling. Do you live in the city/town you were born in? No. Have you slept for longer than usual today? No, I slept terrible. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Have you consumed alcohol today? If so, what? No. What’s your go-to website when you’re really bored? YouTube is my general go-to. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My sister. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? WHEEZE Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Yes. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yeah. Do you live with your parents? With my mom. Can you do a blackflip, or anything else of that sort? No. What moment in your life have you been most scared? The night of the breakup, particularly when Mom dragged me back inside and I just literally melted. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? No. Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I just take them. Have you ever actually thought you were pregnant? Were you? Yes, but it was entirely illogical, so I obviously wasn't. Anxiety and being terrified of pregnancy is fun. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? I don't cook. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; yes. Have you ever ripped your pants in public? I don't think so? Do movies such as Saw and The Grudge scare you easily? No. How many best friends do you have? What are their names? One; Sara. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever been dared to do? Did you do it? No clue. Can you drive? I mean I can, but I'm terrified of it, and my permit is expired anyway. What do you consider to be a good grade? What do you consider to be a bad grade? B; C and below. Have you ever had a teacher who hated you? No. Can you remember who your grade 5 teacher was? Did you like them? Yes, I adored them both. Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? Multiple people. Who was the last person you slow danced with? laskdjflka;jwe What’s your favourite song at the moment? Ah shit man idk. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones aggravate my ears. Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you? We don't even have one here. How do you get to school? N/A What is the last book you read? Did you enjoy it? The first Wings of Fire book, and yes, very much. Do you scream out the answers while watching game shows on TV? Scream, no. I'll say them sometimes, though. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? Mom, Sara. Jason, probably, as much as I hate to admit that. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? HYPOTHETICALLY, if I even wanted kids, yes. I'm very empathetic and care a shitload about mental health, so I think I'd be a very good cheerleader for them. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? Again hypothetically, a meerkat, but I DO NOT support them as pets and get very upset when I see them as such. What bill do you hate paying the most? I don't have any. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? Never. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, who and where would it be? Sara to the mountains of NC. Favorite non-sexual thing to do with girl/boy? Play games together. Who from high school would you like to run in to? A handful of people.

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter four: i don’t blame you for being you

A/N: hey everyone! I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would go ahead and post another chapter. I might post again tomorrow bc this chapter and the next chapter are kinda short for my liking. Idk tho. lmk what you think :)

description of story here

trigger warnings: swearing???, slight (teeny-tiny amount) heartbreak/ache

word count: 1788

After the initial shock of realizing I sung in front of my favorite people without knowing they were there, I was surprisingly able to hold a conversation with all the guys without being nervous.

Maybe I need to break out into song more often.

"Hey Skye, I want to know more about you. Lemme ask you some questions." Brennen jumped in, ending our previous conversation.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Sure. Ask me anything and I'll tell you the truth."

Casey nodded her head, "Yeah. Skye's notorious for telling it like it is. She gets really brutal sometimes."

I slapped her arm, she smacked my thigh back, laughing.

"Okay, then. Now let me think... Let's start with some basic questions. How old are you?" Brennen asked.

"I'm twenty-three. My birthday is September 16th." I smiled.

Corey cheered, "Oooh we got another Virgo in the house!" He raised his hand for a high-five. I smacked it lightly.

"You went to college with Casey, right? What did you major in?" Brennen questioned.

"I studied theater and art." I replied.

"Do you want to be an actress?" Corey responded.

I scrunched up my face. "I don't think so? I have no idea what I want to be. I just want to do something with the arts. That's really the only thing I'm certain about. I studied theater because I love it."

Casey chuckled, "These questions are boring. Ask something a little more... scandalous."

Brennen rolled his eyes, "Okay then. Skye, how many boyfriends have you had?"

Dear God, not this question.

I sighed, "Uh... just one."

Liar.

I looked over at Casey and she smiled sadly.

"Was the break up bad?" Colby asked quietly, chiming in for the first time.

I turned my head to him, "...I guess you could say that."

Colby and I looked at each other until Sam stated jokingly "Thanks for making things awkward, Brennen."

Brennen threw his arms up in protest, and I giggled. "No Sam, it's fine. It was a long time ago, back in like high school. I'm okay. It just didn't end well, like most of my relationships."

Brennen smiled, "Sounds like my love life."

"You have one?" I quipped, smirking.

Everyone responded back, snickering. 

"Alright. No need to hurt my feelings, guys." Brennen shushed. "You know," He continued, "my love life has kinda fallen into a slump. Maybe you could help restart it?"

Was he flirting with me?

I held back an eye roll. "Is that what constitutes as flirting out here?"

"Constitutes? Look at you, using your college education!" He exclaimed mockingly.

"Don't get sassy, now. You're the one that started it." I sassed back, standing up to get another drink.

Brennen leaned closer to Colby, whispering loudly "I love when they play hard to get."

I stopped in the doorway, turning back towards the group. "Oh, that's cute."

"What?" Brennen asked, sitting up.

"You think you can actually get with me..." I smiled, cocking my head to the side. I turned back towards the kitchen and left, hearing the boys mock Brennen.

I stepped into the kitchen and sighed. This was a lot to take in.

Brennen weirdly flirted with me. Corey and I are becoming friends. All the guys are super nice. And to top it off, Colby's eyes are like CRAZY blue. 

Holy shit, I need to sit down.

I went over to the fridge and grabbed another diet coke. I sat down on the counter and scrolled through my phone, trying to calm down. A message popped up on my screen:

 Casey: hey i'm srry that i made brennen ask u about ur dating situation

 My 'dating situation' was... not really a situation at all. Because it didn't exist.

I, Skylar Elizabeth Bennett, am twenty-three years old and have never had a boyfriend.

Embarrassed was barely where my emotions started when it came to my dating situation. Growing up, I was always the awkward introverted friend. Because of this, I got ignored a lot. Now, it's not that I didn't try to date guys, I did. But a lot of them shot me down. And I don't blame them. I can't force someone to be attracted to me, and I wouldn't want someone to date me out of pity.

I just feel weird saying it out loud, especially to someone like Brennen who has definitely had multiple girlfriends and hookups, that I had never been with someone. Ever. In like any way, shape, or form.

If God could just send a boy that likes me my way, that would be great.

"Are you hiding from us?" Colby's voice asked, appearing out of nowhere.

I jumped a bit, looking up. He stood in front of me, smiling lightly. 

I smiled back, exhaling. "No. I-uh... just needed to get away from all of that. My social meter is reaching its peak."

"Same here. I've been hanging out with Brennen all day and I kinda need some alone time soon. He's been a lot to handle today." Colby chuckled, leaning against the fridge.

"I bet." I replied.

"Oh, I wanted to say I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable when I asked about your break up. It sort of just slipped out." He said, standing upright.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Water under the bridge. Don't worry. The break up was such a long time ago that I don't really think about it. I've had some recent hardships that are little more sensitive."

"I thought you said you only had one boyfriend?" He questioned, squinting his eyes.

I gasped sarcastically. "Have you never heard of unrequited love? It's only one of the most written about subjects in literature, music, ar-"

He cut me off, rolling his eyes and smirking, "Okay, I get it."

"Can I ask you a question?" I pursed my lips, sitting up.

"Sure." He responded.

"How many times have you been in love?" I asked.

He stayed silent for a moment, his shoulders lowering slightly.

"You don't have to say who you were in love with. I understand that's a lot for me to ask." I slid off the counter, standing next to him.

He closed the fridge door, water bottle in hand. "No, it's fine. Um... I've only ever been in love once."

"Was the break up bad?" I whispered, reciting his words.

He smiled, but his eyes dropped, looking down towards the floor. "Yeah. It was pretty bad."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I stated sincerely, stepping closer to him.

He looked into my eyes, "Thanks."

We stayed like that for a moment. Just staring at each other.

"What are you two doing?" Brennen teased, walking into the kitchen.

Colby pulled his eyes away from mine, "Just talking."

Brennen stepped next to him, "You're not trying to steal my girl, right?"

"I'm sorry, in what universe do you think I'm your girl?" I replied, putting my hands on my hips.

"In every universe baby. We're meant to be!" Brennen yelled, pulling Colby towards the garage by his shoulders. Colby laughed, side-eyeing him.

I rolled my eyes and followed in behind them.

/  /  /  /

We all continued hanging out, until the sun started to set. I was starting to get tired, my hours being off before ever leaving Pennsylvania. The jet lag and the craziness of yesterday and today were getting to me and all I could think about was going back to our house and passing out for a bit.

Also, eating my body weight in french fries.

Casey and I started to say our goodbyes to everyone. One of the last people I said goodbye to was Brennen. He smirked as I walked up to him.

"You saved the best for last." He said, opening his arms to me.

I chuckled, "I still have to say goodbye to Colby."

He winced, stepping back, "Trying to get with my best friend? You females are a different breed I'll tell you that."

I turned my head to the side, squinting my eyes, "Just give me a hug before I regret this whole interaction."

He came up close and tightly wrapped his arms around me. He lightly rubbed my back, pulling away a moment later.

"Oh before you do go, can I get your number?" He asked, pulling his phone out.

"Do you honestly think I would give you my number?" I replied, crossing my arms.

He stared at me for a moment, "Yes."

I grabbed his phone and put my contact in. "Now don't use this as a booty call line. I ain't getting out of my bed at one A.M for you, or anybody, for that matter."

"You might want to change the policy when it comes to me. I know how to give you a good time, baby." He smiled, putting his phone back into his pocket.

"I'm good, thanks." I winked.

I started to walk to the kitchen, where Colby was, but I turned back around to Brennen. "By the way, feel free to give that number out to anyone in this house if they ask for it."

"Sure thing, Skye." He called back.

I nodded, heading into the kitchen. Colby was standing in the archway between the kitchen and hallway. He looked up when I walked in, smiling.

"Is this goodbye?" Colby questioned, leaning against the wall.

"I guess so." I mumbled, looking down at the ground.

He slowly started walking me towards the front door, "How long are you and Casey here for?"

"Two weeks. So we have plenty of time to hang. If you want to." I stated nervously.

He laughed, "You think I want to hang out with you?"

I gasped and playfully hit his arm, "Don't be rude to me now."

"I'm just kidding." He put his arms up in defense, smiling.

We both stopped at the door. I could hear Casey coming down the stairs, talking to Corey. I turned towards Colby, opening my arms. He did the same, coming closer to me. I wrapped my arms around him, standing on my tippy toes just to have my chin reach his shoulder. He rested his head lightly against mine. We hugged each other tightly, lightly swaying back and forth.

"Are you ready to go, Skye?" Casey said, walking towards us. Colby and I pulled away.

I nodded my head. She waved goodbye at Colby, going towards the door and opening it. She started walking out. I followed, turning back to Colby, waving at him. He returned the wave.

Casey and I walked to the car and got in. We both sat for a moment, quiet.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" She asked, smirking towards me.

I sighed, "I guess not."

She chuckled and started the car.

 << CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 5 >>

[starkissr]

idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but 

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend? 

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent 

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one 

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed 

!?!?@#

[nerdexpress]

All of them. I dare

Oh Christ **Long Post Ahead**Personal Stuff Ahead**

1. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?- I mean sure why not, I’d love to date somebody

2. When did your last hug take place?- A couple weeks ago at a school thing

3. Are you a jealous person?- I don’t think so

4. Are you tired right now?- YES

5. Do you chew on your straws?- No

6. Have you ever been called a tease?- I’ve used omegle video chat a few times in my life and creeps would get irritated that I wasn’t there to sext them so yeah a couple of times (I do not go on there anymore I only went to either talk with people across the world, I was bored, or I wanted to play pranks on people)

7. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?- Yes, one summer I stayed up all night without realizing it and I felt fine like the whole day and still went to bed late

8. Do you cry easily?- No, I do tear up but not often full on cry

9. What should you be doing right now?- Doing my laundry and cleaning my dorm and going to bed

10. Are you a heavy sleeper?- Kind of yeah

11. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?- No idea since I’ve never been in a romantic relationship but I hope I could

12. Are you mad at someone right now?- No

13. Do you believe in love?- Yes

14. What makes you laugh no matter what?- I don’t know tbh. Funny youtube videos

15. What was the last person you talked to?- In real life, a friend from college, but I am also chatting with my roommate through tumblr right now

16. Do you get butterflies around the person you like?- Okay I don’t have a crush on anyone currently, and I’ve only had a couple of Actual crushes but one of them was easier to talk to while the other I was terrified of accidentally staring at them so I just. Didn’t so I’ve got no clue what my regular feelings are but due to anxiety I probably would be just a mess

17. Will you get married?- I hope so

18. When was the last time you smiled?- 20 minutes ago as I finished rewatching the almost 2 hour youtube video on why Sherlock sucks. Good video.

19. Does anyone like you?- I don’t know

20. Do you secretly like someone?- No

21. Who was the first person you talked to today?- The cafeteria lady who gave me my eggs and bacon for breakfast

22. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?- My roommate

23. What are you NOT looking forward to?- Classes starting again on Monday

24. What ARE you looking forward to?- Seeing my roommate again on Sunday bc she’s been gone for the whole month and I finally get to give her her birthday present

25. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?- No because I’ve never been in a relationship

26. Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?- I don’t have any ex partners so SKIP

27. Do you plan on moving out within the next year?- I am in college and my school won’t let anyone live off campus during the year so no. I can’t leave either of my parents’ houses either because I can’t rent anywhere because my job is a campus job not meant for me to live off of and again, I have to live on campus anyway

28. Are you a forgiving person?- Depends on what the person did

29. How many TRUE friends do you have?- 5

30. Do you fall for people easily?- No

31. Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?- Don’t have an ex so SKIP

32. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?- Conversation hearts that I am still eating

33. Who was the last person you drove with?- I think my mom? It’s been over a month so it was probably with my mom over Christmas break

34. How late did you stay up last night and why?- Oh I didn’t sleep. I was trying to fix my schedule but then I fell asleep for like 6 hours later on today so idk how my body is working itself out right now

35. If you could move somewhere else, would you?- I mean maybe but idk where to go. There isn’t a specific destination I have in mind for my future

36. What was the last person you took a picture of?- I took a selfie with my friend Sarah when we hung out on Christmas break

37. Can you live a day without TV?- Yeah, I did that today even

38. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?- I had to miss a stream from Seb a couple weeks ago on the ONE night that week that I worked

39. Three names you go by: Miranda, Panda, Punk Mermaid

40. Are you currently in a relationship?- No

41. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?- Moulin Rouge

42. Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?- Yes but it’s not just one soulmate. Your best friend for life is a soulmate, your romantic partner who you marry or just live the rest of your life with is your soulmate, other factors and types of relationships can be a sort of soulmate. It’s a connection, it’s togetherness and closeness.

43. What’s your current problem?- OH BOY so I have several. I can’t sleep at normal times, my school schedule isn’t working out and I have classes on Monday, I’m suffering from anxiety and self-doubt because I don’t know how to conduct myself in social situations and feel completely invisible to people in my daily life and I feel forgettable, I have anger issues because I’m angry in general but also specifically because I have not fully healed from living with my mom’s ex boyfriend who was abusive and toxic from ages 13 to 17 and my mom isn’t dealing with her problems from that relationship and it is causing trouble for my brother who I feel bad about leaving behind at home, I have personal anxiety about tumblr because of some drama that I tried to make people aware of but hardly anyone payed any attention and now the person it was about just gets to live their life on here while I get to live with the grief of dealing with how I see people and I am still naive on a person’s true nature because of them and people I follow and am mutuals with continue to follow them though I can’t see their posts because they blocked me which is fine I only know because I can still see when people reblog from them, I can’t bring up the energy to clean my room, I miss my roommate, I’ve been lonely for most of my life and idk how to fix it, I’ve barely left my room in a month, and I’m just. Miserable.

44. Have you ever had your heart broken?- Not from romantic relationships, no. But it’s been broken by a collection of other things. (see above and guess the history)

45. Your thoughts of long distance relationships?- They’re beautiful. The resilience and closeness people can get even from being far away is romantic and lovely and I hope the best for each person in those relationships.

46. How many kids do you want to have?- Two

47. Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?- If this is talking about a crush, I have never told a crush ever that I liked them.

Sorry for the long post!

[critical--veins]

Answer all the get to know me questions :)

oh jeez tht’s so many I’m sorry u all have to scroll past this but I’ll do it for u anon 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I genuinely don’t even remember my hands r lonely

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SO SHY3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my familyyyy & best friend when I go home for spring break :)4. Are you easy to get along with?

yah man I’m chill with everyone5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes ! (I hope)6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I like ppl who are genuine & kind!7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nooooo (I wish but no)8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this boy I’ve been talking to on & off cause he wants to see me when I come home :)) 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not usually I guess it depends who it’s with tho10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend paulina last night at 2am after getting back from a party lol11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“yah girl what’s up”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

quixoticelixer- red hot chili peppers

hello euphoria- turnover

all my friends- knocked loose

hurt- trophy eyes

control- citizen 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

UH HUHHH 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I mean this is an interesting question bc in the universe things happen that seem lucky or miraculous but are just due to chance so in a way yes, but NO15. What good thing happened this summer?

I met my family in honduras for the first time & they were so amazing16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ooooh this questions fun idk maybe!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

ABSOLUTELY18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope19. Do you like bubble baths?

hell yah soak me up 20. Do you like your neighbors?

my across the hall neighbors in my dorm building are mean21. What are you bad habits?

NEVER LEAVING MY BED22. Where would you like to travel?

alaskaaaaa I wanna hike around denali 23. Do you have trust issues?

a little24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all26. What do you do when you wake up?

sigh rlly dramatically27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I wish I had pretty pale skin, but I like being tan too! so both28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my little sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope30. Do you ever want to get married?

OH YES SO BAD31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Harry Styles for sure, Awsten Knight from waterparks is also v dreamy33. Spell your name with your chin.

L.JCYH (mood) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I used to be a cheerleader !! (I competed so miss me with that not a sport shit) 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

OH YES37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I don’t break awkward silences bc IM AWKWARD38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone smart! also just someone who can be chill all the time I hate fights & pettiness so like idk just be chill39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I luv going into furniture & decor shops like home goods or kirklands lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?

 I’m in college rn studying to be a conservation biologist!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no some people are genuinely bad42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

usually nothing bc I’m always quiet lol43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah sometimes!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space 100%, I wanna see the earth from outer space I think that would be the most life changing experience!!45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

fuckin class I need to earn my degree46. What are you paranoid about?

never finding the love of my life 47. Have you ever been high?

yah like once lol48. Have you ever been drunk?

oh yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

every FUCKING day52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

one thing?53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont rlly have one! but I guess I use a lot of it cosmetics 54. Favourite store?

there’s this record store called the sound garden & I used to go to it in baltimore all the time cause I live like an hour from there, THEN I FOUND OUR THEIR OTHER LOCATION IS IN SYRACUSE WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL so like idk I love that store cause it’s my lil home connection

55. Favourite blog?

too many! ily all56. Favourite colour?

green :)57. Favourite food? 

MAC & CHEESE TILL I DIE58. Last thing you ate?

toaster waffles I didn’t even toast I just microwaved bc I’m lazy59. First thing you ate this morning?

the toaster waffles60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yeah I’ve won a photography contest & a poetry contest, and I got second in an art show for my dorm lol61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I was suspended in the 6th grade for telling a boy I wanted to punch him in the face lmaoooo 62. Been arrested? For what?

nooo63. Ever been in love? 

I don’t think so 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

fucking awful cause it was new years eve so I knew it was coming but I didn’t rlly want to, so the nerves just built & built the whole night so yeah not good not good at all65. Are you hungry right now?

nahh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

ya’ll don’t talk to me (the ones that do I luv u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

both!69. Are you watching tv right now?

no70. Names of your bestfriends? 

maddie & brandon71. Craving something? What?

affection always72. What colour are your towels?

blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

nah74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I don’t think I have any anymore75. Favourite animal?

BEARS I WANT A BEAR TATTOOED ON ME RN76. What colour is your underwear?

dark grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough every time79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black 80. What colour pants?

no pants! all day long!81. Favourite tv show?

friends is one of my faves, but I also rlly love rick & morty which is a lil embarrassing but it’s the best

82. Favourite movie?

ya know I don’t rlly have a fav movie83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the goth bitch janis 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush the sea turtle is the best character87. First person you talked to today?

a BOYyyyy who I’m rlly into 88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend paulina!89. Name a person you hate?

lol this girl me & my friend just started going out with, she’s so awful & we’re trying to figure out how to cut her off without being mean :/ 90. Name a person you love?

my parents91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself?92. In a fight with someone?

nope93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I have like 5 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANy95. Last movie you watched?

I watched nerve but I didn’t rlly like it lol96. Favourite actress?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯97. Favourite actor?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯98. Do you tan a lot?

not rlly but I tan easily so I don’t have to99. Have any pets?

I HAVE 3 CATS & THEY’RE ANGELS100. How are you feeling?

sleepyyyy101. Do you type fast?

yah 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes103. Can you spell well?

I tell myself I can but actually probably not104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah my friend from last year who I kinda drifted apart from I miss her a lot105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yeah106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes whoops 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

YEAH I LOVE TRAIL RIDES 108. What should you be doing?

writing my speech for my public presentations class & studying lol109. Is something irritating you right now?

no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah 111. Do you have trust issues?

a little112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I mean my friend emily but I was laugh crying113. What was your childhood nickname?

 my friends in middle school called me Lulu lmaooo 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah I go to school out of state!115. Do you play the Wii?

no I used to tho116. Are you listening to music right now?

yah dude listening to being as an ocean rn 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yup118. Do you like Chinese food?

I fuckin LOVEEE chinese

119. Favourite book?

idk I haven’t read for pleasure in a rlly long time 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes lol121. Are you mean?

no I try to be kind as fuck122. Is cheating ever okay?

noooOoOooo123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

nOOOOOOO124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

NOOOOOOOOOO125. Do you believe in true love?

yah I want to126. Are you currently bored?

yesssss127. What makes you happy?

sunday phone calls with my parents128. Would you change your name?

nah my names pretty unique I’ve never rlly met another Lucy 129. What your zodiac sign?

leo!130. Do you like subway?

yah subways dank131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhhhhh idk that’d be weird132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend Paulina 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”when I sit alone come get a little known but I need more than myself this time”

snow by rhcp is like one of my fav songs of all time & I just love that line idk 134. Can you count to one million?

who would ever135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I DON’T LIE TO PPL BITCH136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed ew wtf who sleeps with their door open137. How tall are you?

4′10138. Curly or Straight hair?

curlyyyy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette140. Summer or Winter?

summer absolutely141. Night or Day?

BOTH 142. Favourite month?

I like may cause the weather is nice & also I get to go homeee143. Are you a vegetarian?

no I’ve given up meat for a while tho & it wasn’t bad! also I eat vegan some days just bc I like doing it but I love mac & cheese too much for that shit (I know vegan mac & cheese exists but easy mac) 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

I didn’t leave my bed so yah147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

anything carl sagan has said ever I fucking love him but one of my faves is from pale blue dot that says

”The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

idk I’ve never had a ghost experience but I like the idea of it so sure150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The plant cell typically consists of a more or less rigid cellwall and a protoplast.”

It’s the textbook for my plant evolution class lmaooo 

tht deadass just took me so long lol thanks for occupying me for like an hour

[threemoonsareshining]

i think you're such a cool person can you do as many as you'd like of the get to know you asks? i couldn't choose! i'm just desperate to know you lol

Hi anon! There are a lot of asks and I’m not that cool but I’m sad and bored again so I’ll do as many as I can.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? I don’t think I’ve ever really held hands for real with anyone but I’m pretty sure the last time was about a week ago with one of my best friends bc we were in a place with lots of people and we didn’t want to get lost 2. Are you outgoing or shy? I’m the shyest person I know (actually no, I know a girl who is even shyer than me but I’m pretty close)3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Not to sound cheesy or anything but I really want to see this guy I had something weird going on with not because of any special reason I just want to know where things are going4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to say I am but actually it’s really really hard to keep in touch with me and I’m not good at making conversation at all6. What kind of people are you attracted to? First of all, I’m not usually attracted to people at all, I don’t know why and when I am I always ask myself “girl why this one exactly?” and honestly, I don’t know. There are just some persons I feel comfortable with in a specific way and  then attraction grows from there idk I’m really not used to being attracted to anyone9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Extremely10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? A friend of mine when I was really drunk at his house waiting for my parents to pick me up. I don’t really remember what we talked about but it felt very nice.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? it says “no da miedo hihihi” which translates to “it’s not scary hihihi”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? right now I can’t stop listening to Fiji Water by Owl City (i’m so excited he’s releasing new music!), Your Mother’s Eyes, Rythm and Blues and Take a Walk by The head and the heart and It’s only life by The Shins.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I like it because it feels so so relaxing but at the same time it makes me anxious because I think that the more people touch it the dirtier and more damaged it gets and as a person who spends a considerable amount of time on my hair, that is not so nice15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to a festival in the town next to mine and I got to see all my friends after a long time and I had such a good time my heart hurts every time I think about it16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yess (idk if it’s bc I really like him or I just want to kiss someone)18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No! Actually I saw him a few months ago after… 6 years and we looked at each other like “are you who I think you are?”. I never really talked to him, he treated me like shit and he’s responsible for many of my insecurities so I believe it’s better this way hah21. What are you bad habits? I don’t sleep, I don’t pay as much attention as I should to my loved ones, I forget to eat and shower and I scratch my face like there’s no tomorrow my friend23. Do you have trust issues? Hell yeah I do. Literally everyone I knew left me when I was like 15 or so which is, you know, a crucial stage of your emotional development and stuff so since then I’ve never got close to anyone because what better strategy than not to be invested enough in a relationship so if it ends you don’t feel so bad about it!25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My ears for sure. They stick out so that’s why I never wear my hair up in public. I thought about getting surgery but I want to stay true to myself and stuff.28. Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not 100% comfortable with anyone but I guess my best friend is a strong candidate.30. Do you ever want to get married? I never think about that because my brain always tells me “first find someone who is actually willing to marry you and then we’ll think about it”31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? It’s long enough for 6 ponytails if you put your mind into it34. Do you play sports? What sports? Sports are bad and I hate them36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? I liked this guy for like 6 years and I literally never spoke a word to him but I think the way I looked at him made it pretty obvious (I guess that’s why he avoided me all the time)37. What do you say during awkward silences? I’m the Queen of awkward silences and I’ve learnt that it’s ok to not say anything. Or I’ll just sigh a lot.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Don’t make me think about shops rn bc I spent the whole afternoon trying to find something to wear to the 5 million Christmas dinners I have and everything was either too expensive, too ugly or just looked terrible on me so yeah I’m pretty mad40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to study something arts-related like filmmaking, music or dance, you know, the only things I actually used to enjoy but instead of that I decided to study economics because I hate myself41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I think this depends on the circumstances but in my opinion and taking into account my own experience I’ll always give a second chance, maybe not immediately but eventually, I will.42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? It means I’m being me haha43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to but it’s scary45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning besides the fact that if I stop doing the things I should do I’ll never be able to catch up and everyone will go on with their lives while I stay the same and become mediocre and that’s just inconceivable to me. So basically I don’t live for myself but for the expectations people have of me.48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes and I wish I was rn honestly49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yes and since I don’t want to tell anyone I won’t say what it is52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I wasn’t worried about literally everything because it’s so tiring and it keeps me from thinking about more important stuff64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? About a month ago I was at this party and everyone was telling me one of my friends I had been talking to for a while wanted to hook up with me and I kinda wanted to too but I’m too shy and anxious to make any moves so I got drunk, and  after avoiding him like 6546 times (bc I was really worried I would look stupid not bc I didn’t want to) I finally kissed him in front of an entire crowd of strangers and all my friends found out about it right afterwards so it was like a public event and I felt really exposed so yeah it wan’t ideal~ but also not the worst (I cringed so much while writing this, it was so awkward my god)69. Are you watching tv right now? Not right now but I’m about to watch the new episode of Crazy ex-girlfriend 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, one for my head and other by my side to keep me some company (I’m so lonely oh my god)73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A shar-pei puppy dog I have since I was born (it’s so so cute I love it his name is wrinkles)75. Favourite animal? Cats are not only my favourite animals but one of my favourite things on earth78. Favourite ice cream flavour? since ice cream is my favourite food I can’t really choose one flavour (anything but banana flavour tho)81. Favourite tv show? GoT and Mr Robot I can’t choose but there are so many82. Favourite movie? Billy Elliot86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Bruce the shark, he deserves more recognition94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? I own lots of sweaters because you can never own enough sweaters (until you run out of space in your closet which is what’s happening to me)95. Last movie you watched? Tulip Fever. Not one of my favourites but last night I felt like watching some historic drama and romance shit (love it every once in a while). Alicia Vikander and Dane Dehaan tho98. Do you tan a lot? I used to but since I rarely leave my room during the summer I’ve become The Pale Friend™ 99. Have any pets? Two cats and I used to have fish but they weren’t my thing and I decided that no more fish would die because of me (I really tried but they just didn’t survive idk why)100. How are you feeling? I’m feeling really anxious right now and I can’t sleep. Partly it’s because I’ve got a lot of papers to write and a presentation on Monday and none of them are going especially well tbh, but there’s something else that is making me feel extremely uneasy and bad about myself and idk what it is but I’d like it to stop thank you very much102. Do you regret anything from your past? I regret not being able to enjoy these last 3 or 4 years of my life because they could’ve been some of the best years of my life but I was so full of sadness and hatred I just couldn’t pay attention to anything else108. What should you be doing? sleeping since 1 am but it’s 4 am and here we are115. Do you play the Wii? Who would I be without Just dance and Animal Crossing 116. Are you listening to music right now? yes, Rainbow Veins by Owl City (how unexpected)117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I had that for dinner and it was beautiful118. Do you like Chinese food? The other day I cried tears of happiness because my mom ordered Chinese food for lunch119. Favourite book? Memorias the Idhún120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not so much now but not so long ago I would get what now I can consider almost panic attacks because the dark made me feel so anxious. I’d stay paralysed in my bed, feeling my arms numb and I can swear I heard stuff in my head and I got the feeling that I was literally dying.126. Are you currently bored? A little (these are a lot of questions but I want to finish them now)129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? This is happening right now and I don’t like him that way so I just try to keep everything the same but also I try to keep the distances so he doesn’t misinterpret things (this makes me feel so bad for him sometimes but I’m trying to make him see that not liking him romantically doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being with him). Let’s hope it works.133. Favourite lyrics right now? “I’ve been down the very road you’re walking now / It doesn’t have to be so dark and lonesome / It takes a while but we can figure this thing out / And turn it back around”  from It’s only life by The Shins.137. How tall are you? 164cm which I think is 5,3 feet138. Curly or Straight hair? My hair is curly af and it’s very inconvenient for… life you know140. Summer or Winter? Summer because of the holidays winter because of the feeling141. Night or Day? Night145. Tea or Coffee? Tea but coffee has been saving my life these past weeks146. Was today a good day? Today was a wasted and disappointing day.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Con Elodin nunca se sabe —dije—. Si no está loco, es el mejor actor que he conocido jamás” from The Wise Man’s Fear. It translates to something like “’Who can say with Elodin?’ I said. ‘If he isn’t crazy, he’s the best actor I’ve ever met.’”

Congrats if you’ve managed to read all this without unfollowing me  🍃🍃🍃⛄️⛄️⛄️

[dachyun]

( * kyong dae-hyun. )

✧—* » [PARK JIMIN, DEMIBOY, TWENTY]—-oh shit! is that [KYONG DAEHYUN], [MEMBER] of [ALPHA TAU OMEGA]? [HE/THEY] is/are a [JUNIOR] and a [BIOCHEMISTRY] major. That’s probably because they’re [MAGNANIMOUS] but have a tendency to be [TIMID]. I guess you’ll just have to see.

WARNING: this is really long, my dudes. so long.

hello hi hi, it’s SKY ( 2-o, biochem student myself, she/her, cest tz, but an insomniac ) & this is my smol blob of confusion, so if their story confuses you, i succeeded. also this is easily my absolute favourite character ever, so ,,, idk random info

SORTA BIO THING:

[ MISCARRIAGE TW ] kyong daehyun was born in daegu, south korea on the 22nd of february 1997. they were sort of a miracle baby bc their mom went through two miscarriages before them ( she’s rh negative & the babies were rh positive n ,,, i wont explain the biology behind it, im sure yall know that ). they’re an only child. they’ve always wanted a sibling ( an older one ,,,, they always want the impossible things smfh ). so yeah, they were a bit lonely while growing up

they were a very weak child who’d fall ill quite often ( their family used to call them aga/aggie/babybc of it … sorta stuck with them to this day ), so much that it affected their education. the poor bean skipped a lot of classes, so eventually their parents decided it was best for them to leave school. they were homeschooled !! altho they now have incredible work ethic bc of this, they didn’t have many friends while growing up :( they sorta didnt even get the chance to develop n test their social skills. they came in contact with their parents, nannies, parents’ business partners, etc … long story short, they were surrounded by adults. this made them VERY mature for their age, even back then.

the greatest discovery of their life was the internet. they had little interest in sports & going outside, so they’d spend their free time glued to the screen of their laptop, either watching movies, youtube videos & tv shows or getting to know strangers from across the world thanks to various websites & apps. they’d often stay up all night n ruin their sleep pattern in order to talk to their friends from other timezones. they made them so happy. so. happy.

their parents sort of made them pursuit a medical career ( currently biochem major ), though, they literally have -10 interest in it. not 0. -10. they just want to make them proud, ok ?? especially since they’ve always been an incredible student n studying came easily to them. they were praised while growing up, so naturally they started thinking they were exceptional as well.

they moved to the states bc COLLEGE ! they. hate. it. hate it. not the country, but the classes they are in. like, they are fallin apart n are like “wow so what is this, i thought i was smart ?? they told me i was the most intelligent kid in the world wHY cant i do literally anything now w o w im so average yUCK”.  i mean, they still get good grades, but they ARE struggling.

[ PROFESSOR/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP THING TW ] … idk maybe someone’s triggered by that. anyway, there was a class that made them 11/10 done with life & they were sure they’d fail it n ruin their entire life, so they approached the professor ( who ,,, was rly hot n made hyunnie weak in the knees ok ) n were like “i will literally do ANYTHING in order to pass this class ,,,,,, pls”. like, they had 0 shame bc they were so done with it. n ,,, long story short, they ended up sleeping with the professor … ,,, multiple times. t was bc of the grade the first time, but … they’re pretty much in love with him now. and they’re a bit foolish, they hope he’s in love with them too. n idk they sort of dream about being in a real relationship with them.  l mao … my poor kiddo.

COOLER INFO THING:

nicknames include: hyunnie, dee, mochi ( i have to steal that from jiminieeee bc yes. my squishy bol of cuteness ), aga/aggie/baby. or just call them hyun honestly

daehyun is a demiboy ( they/them or he/him. if you refer to them as she/her, they will feel uncomfortable, but they will not have the guts to correct you. lmao one time they watched a woman make them european-style pancakes with nutella & cherries, even though they asked for a nutella/banana combo. they did not correct her. they ate half of it, left with a pout on their face n were sad for the rest of the day tHATS HOW ANXIOUS N SHY THEY ARE BYE ). anyway, as i said   ——   demiboy. panromantic ( very romantic, a huge dreamer. the type to imagine cute scenarios with their crush before falling asleep ). pansexual, though the most attracted to masculine physique buT !! they’re too self-conscious n emotion-dependent that they can’t have sex with just about anyone. n o. byee. like, the thought of getting naked in front of someone is terrifying to them, so they really need to trust n know the person. i wouldn’t call them demisexual though, since they do experience sexual attraction without having an emotional bond, they just … can’t let go of their ~stupid insecurities~

[ FOOD TW ] they don’t eat meat. yes, they do love animals n feel sad about those poor things, but that’s not the main reason why they don’t eat it. the smell, the look, the taste of meat makes them incredibly sick. when they were smol & had any sort of meat for lunch, they’d sit at the table for 5 hours n eat everything BUT the meat. most of the time, they used to give it to their dog who was v chubby bc of them. lunch was the worst time of the whole day for them, it was suuuuuuuper bad, especially since their parents didn’t understand their problem n called them spoiled. now that they live alone they’re super happy cause they can eat whatever they want ( sweets n pastries ). this bish ALWAYS has a lollipop in their mouth n a candy bar with them.

why are they obsessed with lollipops ? thanks to them they destroy their nails n cuticles LESS when bored, since their mouth is occupied. you can determine how life’s goin for daehyun just by looking at their hands. when everything’s good, their nails are painted ( the execution n design also say a lot about how much free time they have n how clear their head is ). when everything’s shit, they aren’t painted, they are bloody and sore, skin completely damaged, so much that it hurts to touch items with the very tips of their fingers. everything burns n they’re wincing 25/8.

they always have literally everything with them. you need a tissue, a comb, a hair brush, a band-aid, a hand sanitizer, a nail polish, some water, something sweet, a set of stem cells & a cure for every illness in the world ? they have it all. they’re always prepared for every situation. this is bc of their huge fear of facing a situation for the first time unprepared. also … you should never make them order food on their own or make a serious phone call or wtvr bc .. they can’t do that. literally, coming to the US all alone was so tRAUMATIC you don’t even know.

they’re fluent in english, but pls don’t throw big words at them :( they feel so embarrassed when they don’t know what something means. they go home & write the new word on one of their colourful cards, along with its translation to korean, a smol explanation & an example sentence n they have loads of those cards that they reread whenever they have time. when they learn a new word, they love showing off lmao dumbass

while they were back in korea n spending time on youtube, they used to watch a lot of kpop mvs + makeup tutorials n fell in love with makeup n wanted to look as beautiful as the people in those videos. they started stealin their mother’s makeup n used to be awful at paintin’ their face, but got better with time. they used to save money for eyeliners n primers n highlighters n all sort of shit n they’d hide all the products in their room n play with them whenever they were home alone. they still do that now that they are in america & they know it’s their true passion & call, but they are so discouraged by the fact that they can’t even walk outside wearing makeup. they aint confident enough & still don’t think they can pull it off.

they made a new youtube account with the intention to post their own tutorials, but … mm, there’s still 0 uploaded videos on that channel

i’ve been struggling to decide which hair colour to go with … platinum blonde, silver or pink n i chose …pink. they’ve been dyeing it pink ever since they came to the states.

they’ve never been in an actual relationship. never cuddled, or did couple-y things. their professor took their virginity, so … ya. that’s one of the reasons why they’re refusing to let him go.

[MEDICATION TW] as i mentioned before, they were a weak child who was often sick and had bad migraines ,,, this sort of got them hooked on medication ?? like, they will convince themself that their head is hurting and jus pop a pill without any need to do so ,,,, like, they are 110% sure they need pills to function normally every single day.

nature !! the world !! they love it.

aesthetics hoe !!!!!!!!! will sell their soul for the things that please their senses

they know how to draw well. they lololololove drawing comic book characters. like, they have their own characters already

dancing !!! especially contemporary ! bc ,,, i have a lot of those gifs n icons that i gotta use

loves apples ?

wants a cat. d e s p e r a t e l y

PERSONALITY:

i think it’s quite obvious that they’re a very anxious, shy & alert person 24/7 and i guess that you can see how their upbringing had a lot to do with it. i don’t view their shyness as cute and adorable, but they definitely aren’t grim either. they’re just closed-off. they’re not used to sharing personal stuff with other people, at least not face to face. online, everything’s different.

most of the time they’re like … “uhhhhh, people - i’d rather not. that can get me in a lot of awkward n uncomfortable situations n i’d rather avoid that’. they don’t find solitude depressing. they enjoy their alone time, they find comfort in it. they haven’t actually made an effort to make friends here ?? like …,,,.., i don’t think they care. they are very aware of the fact that their social skills suck & as i said a part of them doesn’t give a damn, but … another part is worried bc if they truly want to be in the makeup world, they will have to learn to be a people person, have a fantastic charisma n ,, talk to people ? lmao

their zodiac sign is pisces n they HATE IT lol they’re like “i’m not a whiny baby emo dreamer ew go away” so they keep telling people that their zodiac sign is aquarius bc it’s close enough n they find them cool n admire the description of the seemingly stoic sign that goes through life with their brain rather than their heart. they love to think that they’re strong n logical, that they’re not emotional … but that’s not the case. it’s all an act really

once you demolish their shell, you’ll find the most adorable creature in the whole entire universe ?/ they also love tellin stupid jokes. they almost never finish them bc they laugh too hard at em

they get attached to people VERY easily n then they can’t live without them n that freaks them the fuck out. like. they fall in love ten times a day. im. not. kiddin.

they’re all about living life to the fullest, they just have a bit different vision of what true livin is lmao

philosophical af ? hates small talk, always wants to talk abt deep shit

the type to send you memes and stuff that reminds them of you

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

this is so important. online friends. they met online a couple of years ago ( we’ll figure out how ) n now they’re both here and ? hyunnie is so scared to meet them bc they’re afraid that person won’t like them irl, but the desire is bigger than the fear !

similar to the previous one, but it was a long distance relationship ( it ended bc the distance was too much ig ). they only chatted, but they know everything about each other. they were infuriated every single day bc they couldn’t physically feel each other, but they still planned a future together, or at least meeting irl … maybe they now finally have a chance ?

crush. as i said, hyunnie falls quickly for a person. it can be unrequited. it’s just someone they daydream about n sigh over. or it can be the other way around, but hyunnie is quite clueless n doesn’t pick up on their hints.

professor’s kid. yup, hyunnie is sleeping with their dad. n they found out ?? yikes.

first irl american friend. they literally helped them so much, explained how things work n stuff. they’ll forever be in their debt.

friends ?? the plot depends on your charrie tbh but dw about it, i usually have 57430865026701348 ideas, so ya.

i have no idea what else ,,,, imma go make a wanted connections tag n reblog some plots probably. bUT HEY feel free to send plots my way, i luv that

[survivorpanem]

EPISODE TEN - “I’M THE JAIDEN WHISPERER “ - JC

Tribal council certainly was interesting tonight. I wonder what caused Samantha to use her onion necklace on me... I'm actually kind of pissed off that she did that, even though I had voted for her in the first place. It makes me think that that knew I had voted for her or something, which is what caused the vote to flip around. Isaac and Jordan and Andrew all really fucked up and Jordan paid the price for it. I kind of wish that someone had played their idol for Jordan just to see their reaction when Andrew ends up getting the boot, so now I'm pretty sure one of them have it. Jake missed out on a ton of stuff which wouldn't have been vastly different if he had stuck around instead of going off to exile. From now on, I won't stray from the alliance. It's pretty obvious that they all were going to wake-up and start playing only when it became convenient to them all, and that's why Jordan got voted off. They were going to use my vote for Zack against me in the future to help Zack flip against me or something? Power move, good job losers. I'm going to completely own up to voting for Sam B as soon as possible. I have no doubt that she got the same advantage that I had and checked to see if I was intending on flipping on the alliance. But wouldn't that have sent me out instead of Jordan??? Who honestly knows. It changes a lot in the game now and I'm pretty pissed off that this all went downhill as quickly as it did, because now I need to make a massive apology to Samantha for voting for her. I don't know what I'll say, but I'll need to think of something. And quick.

OK SO BITCH SO!! That tribal was i n s a n e! Zack approached me at like 9:40 telling me that my weird suspicions were right and that people were trying to make a move to take me out. Apparently Isucc/Boredan/AndrEW approached Sam Bussy asking her to vote me out. Now what worries me is that she did not tell me about them approaching her, Zack did. So she must have been at least considering it? Idk her and Isaac are relatively close and ik she was worried about whether or not Isaac would be mad at her if she voted Jordan instead of me. But anyways I'm like oh boo not today, not today! Like I was really unworried by their bumasses because I'm like girls, I have an idol, a vote negator, AND Sam told me about her blood bracelet that had to be played at that tribal, so I was just like might as well just get her to play that on me so I don't need to use anything. So like I got Sam to switch her blood thing from Jaiden to me after she used a vote sneak in order to see who Isaac really voted for and turned out he truly did vote for me! How cute. Like I don't know why these little boys came for me but they did, like I was not a threat I feel like my game has been shit but ok I guess just keep pushing me to be better huh?! Oh, and apparently Jaiden voted for Samantha to try to stir up distrust between Zack and I and cause rifts in the alliance. But then later he switched it to Andrew because he was getting nervous I guess? Idk I don't buy it but knowing Jaiden it's highly possible. But I'm like atm I want to take out Isaac/Andrew before taking out Jaiden because they both actually voted me with intents of getting me out and for that they need to go, especially as Isaac probably has an idol. Like I feel like he was gonna play it on Jordan but changed his mind last minute after Sam played her bracelet on me. and like now I'm worried because it's only f8 and I have a target on my back. Totally not what I wanted at this stage in the game! I have to really work hard to keep myself safe because my advantages don't make me invincible. I need to make FTC in this game and it's most likely going to be a f2 since jury started at f11 rifpp. I hate f2's! But yeah I just have to keep fighting and look at the bright sides, like I solidified loyalty and cleansed paranoia between my relationships with Sam and Zack, I still have an idol and I'm still fighting. My game plan honestly is to go to my sponsors and get them to buy vote sneaks for me because that would be heavily beneficial to see who's voting who.

Samantha is on my birthday shitlist, basically. I still don't trust her so I spilled the beans to JC about her maybe sorta considering voting for Zack. Also that she played the onion necklace on me. Regardless, someone knows that I voted for her. And now I'm out for blood! I will absolutely expose her vote at the next tribal council, AND I'll make I think my priority to send her right to the bottom of the alliance like she deserves at this point. Samantha if you're reading this and you're like, you're completely wrong Jaiden, then that's your fault for playing the onion necklace on me (envy) But I still love you outside of this whole game...but I still hope you get seventh place. Sorry not sorry. I'm going to CONTINUE to hammer in the idea that FLIPPERS NEVER WIN. If you flip on the alliance, enjoy losing solely because of a bitter jury :)

Me trying to escape the SNAKES who voted me last week and may try to again http://suprchnk.tumblr.com/post/152885516750

Later...

Omg poor Sam she's coming up with all these cracked out theories of where the idol could be that are actually kind of wildly accurate (she thought the idol may be hidden in the beach bc of the moodboard Amir made her having many sea themes, and it was in the beach), but the idol is in my pocket akxhxbabz. Maybe I should tell her...idk aaaa!!!

so to #catch up on my messy ass game, i was exiled for a round and apparently things got even more messy. i honestly barely understand what happened bc no one wants to give me a full story but yeah jordan lelft which was my contract thing?? no idol clue for me rip. but now i guess a lot of people want my vote which is nice. zack told me that jaiden was telling people that i was threatening bc of my comp wins in generations, neverland, and sarawak and its so annoying!! like bitch u think i have time in my life to dedicate to these immunity challenges like i could in gens when i had 24/7 of my summer dedicated to it?? bitch?? and u went against me ONCE in sarawak and look how that turned out. haha they never learn, do they? there's already talk about getting jaiden out and i'd be MORE than delighted to send his ass packing bc i literally cannot DEAL with him targeting me for no reason A G A I N!!!!! jaiden: jake won immunities in gens everyone: omg :O hes laying low… me: i literally just have no time to dedicate to this game god these fucking freaks. anyway i cant stand most of these ppl.. andrew is honestly my son and i love him so i dont want him to go. and it was nice to hear zack wants isaac and jaiden out back to back bc that protects lil andrew. i dont even talk to andrew like ever but for some reason hes the only one i trust bc ik he only has like isaac in the game. i dont trust either of the sams. especially sam g?? that girl is like killin it i feel like everyone is just following her around. have barely spoken to her but shes doing her thing. i hope i can get her out soon but literally no one wants to make a move against her. props to her i guess. i want JC gone soon, he's so transparent and fake and ldskjfghkj yeah i don't like dealing with it. i mean i'm fake right back so i mean dflksgjhdklfjgh me. unless i get lucky with immunities im gonna have to rely on keeping a low profile and telling people im doing nothing (which is partly true, i did do THAT at the allison vote). a lot of people are telling me they like me so... that's good! the more ppl who like me the better!!! i like zack a lot i hope the f3 is me zack and andrew but one can dream huh!

Soo last tribal was WILD! I was gunna just play my bracelet on Jaiden and say it was because he's always a target so to put his mind at ease for once blah blah blah but then like 15 minutes before tribal JC comes to me freaking out about people voting for him and he needs the bracelet blah blah blah, so I asked Isaac who he voted for and he told me Jordan. Then just to make sure I played my map of the arena and checked out Isaacs vote and found out THAT LYING SNAKE VOTED FOR JC!! So I played my bracelet on JC even though they only got 3 votes, Jordan got 4, and Andrew got 1. Also apparently that 1 for Andrew WAS for Sam B but then Sam looked at Jaidens vote and played her onion necklace on him meaning he can't vote for her until the final 6? Or after the final 6? Either way I was really expecting this to cause distrust in our 5 but apparently it still hasn't? I'm so shook that we're all still voting together but like maybe I'll be proven wrong tonight? We'll see. Either way we're al so dysfunctional and terrible at communication so I mean how are we doing this?? I was hoping to save Andrew and Isaac but apparently people want Andrew out. Hopefully he has an idol but he'd idol out Jaiden and not Sam B which kind of stinks. But anyways I'm waiting for more exciting stuff to happen this tribal because last time was the first exciting tribal in a while. This merge has been pretty yawn and frankly I'm part of the problem.

I wasn't going to talk about it but I need to post a confessional and the reason I'm feeling the way I am is tied into personal stuff and it won't make sense unless I explain it to you so here it goes. I've just been feeling extremely shitty about myself recently and just overall really lonely. Like in the past two weeks I've felt like my friends have been doing whatever they can not to talk to me. It's irrational but it's how I've felt. But Jordan and Samantha B were mostly there and they helped everything by just being there and talking to me. So yeah I've taken his elimination pretty hard. According to many sources Samantha B was the one who told Jc that it was them who was getting votes and caused Jordan's elimination and the idol play. I was really apprehensive about believing anyone because I thought there was no way she'd do that to me like we've became closer friends since this game started, but then she admitted to it. I'm not going to lie I'm hurt But this is a game and we're supposed to play to win so thank you Sam B for waking me up. I'm NOT going to lay down and die if I go out tonight I'll go out trying to get as far as I can. Is this the second coming of Despairsaac? Maybe. But Jesus Christ I'm tired of these people telling me what I will and will not do. Fuck them. 

I've made it so far in the game without wanting to make any big moves, so tonight I'll make one. If I get rocked out, then #legend. If I get blindsided by the entire tribe, then so be it. But I had to stand up and do something, because fifth place just wasn't going to cut it. I wanna win, damnit. People can respect someone who went against the grain and made a move, right? I surely will receive Andrew and Isaac's respect if this doesn't work out. The plan is to vote for Sam G. If she plays an idol, Andrew goes home and I look like a chump. If anyone gets pissed, they will either flip their vote to her, or they will draw rocks and leave it up to chance. Either way, I get what I want. I'll be okay with leaving tonight if that's what happens, because at least I did something... I just dont want to go 7-1 because everyone was pissed off.

Okay so truthfully this game I've felt like I'm the Jaiden Whisperer. He's like completely wild and messy in this game but I feel like I've been able to direct it to things I want, or at least work with the insanity. But it's coming to the point where he's really rubbing people the wrong way, Zack and Jakey both want to vote him and Sam Bussy probably would too if she hadn't played the onion on him. Not only that but Isaac and Andrew both wanna vote him too!! That's 4 which is enough to tie, and jaidens dumb ass might vote for Jakey instead of Isaac!! Mess omg. I totally feel bad to be campaigning for Isaac/Andrew to go, but like what choice do I have after they came for me first? I feel like it'd be dumb to vote out either jakey or Jaiden because they're both good for my game and the others are most probably not! OMFG NOW JAIDENS TALKING TO JAKE ABOUT GOING TO ROCKS WHAT IN THE FUCK OMFGGGGG KILL ME. He needs to freaking rest before his ass gets sent home!! This vote is honestly the largest fucking mess, we have Jaiden who wants to vote out Jakey, Jakey who wants to vote out Jaiden, Zack who wants to vote out Isaac only if not Jaiden, Samantha who I think wants to vote out Isaac or Andrew and Sam G who wants to vote out Samantha later but Jakey now. KILL ME WHY CANT WE JUST VOTE ONE OF ISAAC/ANDREW OUT HNNNNG I TOLD JAIDEN TO JUST STAY SEATED AND TO NOT CAUSE DRAMA WHEN HE ASKED ME IF HE SHOULD MESSAGE PEOPLE BECAUSE I KNEW EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR LAST STRAWS WITH HIM AND WHAT DOES HE DO??? DOESNT LISTEN AT ALL!! OMG I CANT HONESLEE Like bitCH WHY DID JAKEY SEND ME THIS: [12/7/16, 7:32:21 PM] j a i d e n: but I don't think I can win against my alliance and I know they're coming for you once it gets down to it [12/7/16, 7:32:40 PM] j a i d e n: you, me, Isaac, Andrew vote for one of them, and they vote for one of Andrew/Isaac FUCK IT HES LEAVING TONIGHT EVERYONE WANTS HIS HEAD ON A STICK EXCEPT PROBABLY SAM B AND FHATS JUST BECAUSE SHE PLAYED HER ONION ON HIM UGHHH I LOVE YOU JAIDEN BUT WHAT CAN I DO YOU PUSHED IT

I feel soooo bad about lying to Isaac. I really want to work with him and get Jaiden out but there just aren't numbers for that. Me, Isaac, Andrew, and Jakey is only 4. All that would do is tie it. But Jaiden has been super messy lately, especially with jakey, so hopefully Jc will read the message jakey sends him from jaiden and will realize that jaiden is a horrible player. Like honestly I love jaiden as a person but he is messy af when it comes to spilling information. And not even information, its anything. Jaiden tells so many lies, for no reason it seems like. This is just super messy. As much as I love jc and zack, I think I want to work with Isaac and Andrew from now on. But I just hope they trust me enough to let me do that.

So way too much has happened/is happening for like a paragraph based confessional, so here's a lot of bullets of whats happened bc I'm an organized hoe. -Zack wins immunity and Isaac and I are like fuck what do we do -It seemingly looks like Isaac, Sam B, and I are on the outs -We find out that it's between Isaac and I -Sam G tells me that Sam B is the one who leaked to JC that they were going so that Sam G could play her idol on them and get out Jordan -Isaac doesn't wanna believe it but Sam B sketches me out -The 3 of us still decide anyway that we need 5 votes to take out Jaiden bc that's the easiest target -Zack and I have gotten surprisingly close and he doesn't want me going -Zack wants Jaiden out -I go to Jakey and ask about getting out Jaiden and he's down -I go to bed and we seemingly have 5 votes to eliminate Jaiden -I come home today to find I'm the name being thrown around and Jaiden is the one to tell me -Sam B is being very sketchy in the alliance chat -She then admits to Isaac that she told JC they were getting votes and apologized but has ultimately lost our trust -We now don't know what the vote is going to be and scramble -Jaiden comes to Isaac and I saying he will go to rocks for me if we can get Jakey on our side -He makes a chat and the 4 of us agree to vote either Sam G or JC bc Jaiden cannot vote Sam B -We decide on Sam G so that someone may be more willing to flip on her rather than JC in a tie vote -Sam G and JC suddenly wanna work with Isaac and I again and want to vote out Jaiden who wants to help Isaac and I also -Jaiden might be doing the rocks plan more for himself/to make chaos -Jakey also makes the point that Isaac, himself, and I will be in minority next week if we vote out Jaiden -I ask him if he thinks Zack would flip to us and he doesn't think so and asks if I would sacrifice Isaac next round -I don't wanna do that and ask if Zack might flip on Sam G and JC to break up the duo at final 7 So now I'm at a conflict. Jaiden wants to go to rocks for us. But that might be to create chaos. Idk where Sam B is voting but she might be voting me but now people wanna vote Jaiden. So if it does tie and we vote with Jaiden, then it could tie between Jaiden and Sam G and then they're safe from rocks of I flip on Jaiden. So Jaiden might be doing this to save his own ass because according to Sam G, Jaiden thinks I'm voting him anyway. So I have no fucking clue what to do. We all helped build a web of lies and now everyone is running up a different thread. And it's utter chaos. And I need to make the move that I think will help me advance to the end after this if I stay tonight.

Later...

Okay I also left out that Jake revealed the rock plan to Sam G and JC, so now Sam G knows she might be getting votes and Jaiden might play his thing on me to reveal my vote before he votes and if he sees I didn't vote Sam G, then he'll be suspicious. And he might have an idol so idk. I think I'll vote Sam G anyway in the case that either Jaiden sees how I votes and pulls some sketchy shit, or the rock plan actually goes down. I asked Sam G if she cares if I vote her so Jaiden isn't sus but she doesn't wanna be potentially idoled out. I'm gonna tell her I'm throwing to Sam B, but I'll vote her anyway. I just have to to be safe. Wish me luck™.

im voting for jaiden since hes a mess and my alliance wants him gone. I'll explain more in my next confessional. im gonna take a nap