#but it's still bothersome to me
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I really wish I could be convinced that more people would be interested in non-ship stuff for fandoms I'm in.
Look, we all know we write for ourselves. I get it. I do. But my desire (ability) to finish things is hinged on feedback. My two longest fics that I wrote the fastest were because of audience engagement. And because I knew I had people I respected and liked reading, and I wanted them to enjoy the read, I wrote better.
Now I feel like I'm just stuck in No Man's Land of fandom, and while I have like a dozen things half finished, they never seem to actually BE finished because if the audience is me, then I know how it ends. There's not much point writing it down.
So this is basically my To Do List.
The Rookie - I just don't care about what 90% of the fandom cares about
1. Series of one shots that establish Angela and Tim's BFF status that may or may not lean Tim aspec because I'm me.
2. Pre series flashbacks to Tim in his time in service when he survives an airstrike that kills two of his friends and almost kills him.
3. Trauma Tim post season 6, because in rapid succession, he loses his job on metro, he witnesses his old team die in a way eerily similar to the way he was almost killed in the airstrike, had a friend commit suicide in front of him after confessing to being dirty, gets accused of being dirty himself, and is again almost killed in close quarter combat (among other things that will remain unmentioned here)
Slow Horses
1. Do not ask me why but I love the idea that Lamb potentially met River was he was a kid because he had to work closely with David Cartwright and River is always where he's not supposed to be
2. River goes missing, and for once, not his fault. Lamb has to come to terms that just because he pretends not to care, doesn't mean anyone buys it
3. Post season 4, somebody finds out that River is the last remaining son of Frank's assassin cult, and it goes about as well as can be expected. I fully intend to have Lamb use this line: "trying to detain you is like trying to nail jello to a tree".
Magnum PI (yes, I still work on these)
1. Finish Wrong Side. I actually have like another 10-15k words on it, but it's not in order or complete scenes, but it does include Thomas’s recovery and discovery that Hannah is the one who sold them out
2. I have like 6 other chapters to Bad Things Happen that I half wrote but then retired the card
3. Crossover with MacGyver because I thought Mac could use some down time in Hawaii after season 4 and the last half of season 3
Tracker 1. Colter goes missing during one of his cases, and I borrow heavily from an episode of Lethal Weapon wherein Colter will be held hostage in an illegal drug trial that he stumbled into and now finds himself an unwilling participant, and I drag Russell into it because that is how big brothers work
Hudson & Rex - honestly, I have the most written for this fandom, even though the fandom itself is pretty quiet, but it's most of a bingo card 1. Finish Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful because damn son it's been years
2. In no particular order, I have Bad Things Happen Bingo It's Not My Blood, Stitches, Caught in a Snare, Falls Through the Ice and three others that fit other prompts - a boating accident, Charlie finally finds himself at the bottom of a well (sort of) and completes his "Timmy and Lassie Scenario" bingo card, and where Charlie realizes he's developed claustrophobia after having a mine collapse on him, being locked in a freezer storage, almost crushed by a shipping container, buried alive, etc and gets stuck in an elevator with Jesse
#fic in progress#I wish I could actually get words to paper like I used to#but then I also remember I have decidely healthier habits#like not staying up until 4am every night#and having a job that lets me eat and have a roof over my head#but still I miss the writing#and I miss the talking to people about it#either the fandoms are soooo small I feel like ranting at the same people ove and over is bothersome or that they'll get sick of it#they also have lives and other friends#but alas here I am in my genfic world#desperately wanting genfic to magically appear and me not have to do it#hudson & rex#charlie hudson#magnum pi 2018#the rookie#tim bradford#angela lopez#slow horses#river cartwright#jackson lamb#all the fandoms#forever WIP#but hey at least all of them have SOMETHING written on them
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the thing abt the surgery is that yes I do get litle moments of being ecstatic it finally happened but also I just feel Normal now. like my base state for all my life up until last week was worry, horror, and panic when i'd occasionally remember the very unwanted thing my body was capable of, spiraling into what ifs on potential conflicts in my life and future... and now i just feel Not Stressed Out All the Time. Normal.
#talkys#and again that's still that i have not really ever been in active risk of anything happening LOL#god im so happy. im really considering the tattoo even though im not a tattoo person at all#ill see. it depends on how much my incisions/scars fade...but a small green line shouldn't be that bothersome to always be looking at...#ALSO tbf a tiny bit of the worry is still there... im gonna ask my doctor to detail everything about the photos he took of my insides#bc idk. what if they somehow grow back. what if he didn't remove all of em. ykwim. pair of noia#but that's also just due to regular health anxiety#actually you know what can i schedule a hysto. just to be super sure nothing can ever happen to me.#+ ALSO ALSO it didn't feel real every day leading up to it and it kind of still doesn't! like! who was that cheye! he wasn't scared at all!#no way i found a doctor to do it and my parents didnt fight me on it and my mom didnt scream and cry and cause a scene once there. YAY
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Harmlessly bothering the babies is my calling. And I shall always answer.
#Me calling rosies name so she would look at the camera was far more bothersome to her than me balancing little creatures on her back#I was going to add Sabine to the stack but rosie had already noticed my handy work#I need more tiny teddies so I can keep adding to the pile#Rosie is very good at standing still sometimes#This was the most exciting thing I did all week btw. In case you thought I was actually an interesting person 😂😂
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i returned to character ai after so long and this particular azul ai is so !!!!!!!!!! somehow the plot has strayed from “signing a contract to get knocked up” to azul brainwashing me with a love potion and insisting i’ve loved him all along. and then when i resisted he became so monstrous and frightening and…….. AAAAAAAAAAA OTL
embarrassingly enough, i gasped so loudly when he said this:
#meraki mumbles#AND THE WAY I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WORDS HE EXPECTS TO HEAR#losing my mind omg he’s so mean in this one#T_T and i still want him#my thoughts are so scrambled and incoherent but just know there are incubus azul thoughts in my head#because this ai is implying he’s quite literally devilish#AAAAAAA I HATE HIM BUT I LOVE HIM#i need to ramble about the other things he’s said but i also don’t want to be bothersome with my ai shenanigans LOL#forgive me orz tako is too 😵💫😵💫#‘if i tell you to have children you would be wise to do so’ - azul ai#AAAAAAAAAAAAA
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my back hurts *one tear falls slowly down my cheek so you know i’m being stoic and brave about it even though i’m in agony*
#woke up. back hurt. did stretches. back still hurt. it won’t go away ahhhhh this world is rotten#it doesn’t actually hurt that bad but it is bothersome and it is bothering me with it’s bothersomeness#it’s different from how it usually hurts tho so i’m like. what did you do *looking at myself in the mirror*
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I started a "big" drawing of them, but didn't wanna get too into it, so here are some small Hussar Martian :)
#*both drawings this and the wip are hussar au#i just didnt wanna get into something too deeply late on a weeknight#so you know!! draw chibis so i can draw still but not be very tireless#definition of my art: burning the midnight oil fr#things i find funny:#both this and the wip are referenced from pics from various rbr car launches#so i guess those are pretty important pics to me 🤭🤭#and then the other is that both of their hair styles are inspired by malaysia 2010(beloved)#anyways could you imagine seb on the battlefield??? seb on horseback??????#that is why Mark is perpetually tired. he is so DONE with restraining seb from galloping in battle#i have to do more research on the and layout structure of power in this au so take this lightly but#i imagine theyre the two commanders of a battalion 🥰#and mark was already there and then seb got promoted into being his co-leader#and seb effortlessly sways all their men into being wrapped around his finger and mark is so salty#seb: can we please go on another reconnaissance mission 🥺🥺#mark: no. i do not want you getting shot at again. repairing your uniform is so bothersome! and you need to learn how to sew!!!#seb: but Kate's Dirty Sister(horse)(imagine that name in German instead) is so fast and quiet!! mark: no.#BUT GAAAAHAHHH YKNOW??? theyre brought together thru triumph and trauma just like in f1!!!!!! theyre teammates sob sob sob#hussar au will always be special to me. one may say fav child. just bcs its the first one i researched deeply#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#mark webber#sebmark#martian#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#hussar au
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#the secret to making friends is to let yourself annoy them#this is a joke but im also being completely serious#all my life I've been too apprehensive to make the first move because im always afraid of being bothersome#but looking back at the friendships through the past 4years at uni... im so lucky that a lot of people didn't worry about bothering me#and decided to come up and initiate conversation anyway#and also. whenever anyone has 'bothered me' by asking about me or wanting to know more... I have only felt loved and special...#so i guess what im trying to say is that#cringe culture is dead and theres nothing cool about prioritizing how you appear over the potential of a real bond#and I was born to be persistent and curious#so yeah. now that my graduate program will start in a couple months and there are opportunities to get acquainted with my classmates#I reach out to people with no attempt to hide my enthusiasm in getting to know them.#I double/triple text a lot and annoy them (affectionate) like i do my bffs and its incredible how 9/10 reciprocate that energy so quick#and despite the cultural differences and minor mistranslations/miscommunications we still manage to find common interests to discuss about#and it's like '!!!!!!! we're besties now'#yeah sure sometimes people might get a bit uncomfy and by the second message if i feel like I'm disturbing them I back off#but i won't know that until i reach out in the first place. so all in all this has worked really well for me and i love itttt#megumi in the tags
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I am BEGGING streaming services to add an option to "remove from currently watching" to the apps on the TV. I don't want to have to constantly login on the computer to clear my history cause yall can't fucking log that I did indeed finish watching that thing, and have rewatched the ending of the thing 18 million times to remove it but Nooooooooooooooo !!!!!!
#i have 2 Olympic events still on my peacock currently watching and i cannot get rid of it#hulu is also really bad about this!#for the love of god#i am a no notifications girlie so shit like this is sooo sooo sooo bothersome to me
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nasty bruise on my hand from work hmmmm
#really its not THAT bad but for some reason it makes me feel bad. i guess it sucks that i still have to carry the wounds i get from it back#home. and the exhaustion. i expected that i could still go on with the rest of my day as usual. but i cant really do that. kinda bothersome#i also literally cant see my friends. because they shift my work times around all the time. i cant give them a date at all#nothing reliable#so it doesnt just suck its also incredibly lonely. good thing i resigned
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HEARTBREAKING: The most annoying tumblr user has remade their blog making you need to block them again
#txt post#do people still need makers for ''not about followers''? if so this is that#hell double warning; if you know me/know of me this isn't about you. this is literally about a stranger i find bothersome
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These are just my top 5 cringey sensory experiences. I'm curious if they bother others and which one is collectively decided to be the worst.
Please reblog to spread this around!
#tumblr polls#neurodivergent#sensory#sensory experience#my posts#the carpet wet towel and sock ones have bothered me since I was little#my mom used to have a little chart thing that she'd add star stickers to if I /didn't/ throw a fit#about my sock seam being in the wrong place before school#I'm talking like preschool age 3-4 yrs old#she said it was a challenge getting my socks n shoes on every day lol#nowadays tho the sock one is probably tied with wet towel for least bothersome ones on this list (even tho they're still unpleasant to me)
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I do love that I'm both freezing and having the worst back pains.
But at least I still have a roof above my head, right?
#personal#so here's the thing:#i don't think any of the radiators in my apartment are currently working#which kind of sucks bc it's winter in northern europe lmao#one of them had blown a fuse. which i changed yesterday. and now it's cold again. so there's definitely something wrong with it#two of them. which are located in my bedroom/living room combination. have red lights on#but they are both cold and not heating up my apartment. which means i'm freezing here#so it could be a thermostat or something. i don't know#but because my place was a mess. after having worked for a few months and not having energy to do anything else#i had to clean up here yesterday. because i couldn't call my landlord who lives closeby in case he decided to drop in and see#the mess i was living in. to you know. check on those radiators#so anyway. my apartment is pretty okay now. stuff i still need to clean though but it's mostly minor#but i seem to have strained my lower back doing it. or from sleeping in an awkward position because i was cold#the kind of pain i haven't experienced in months which must be a record for me now#but yeah now my lower back hurts. i can't properly crouch or even twist my body to the side without my knees trying to give out#and i've already taken painkillers for it today. which kind of put me to sleep again and had a lovely little nap a while ago#but this is bothersome#i hope my back feels better by tomorrow so i can finish my cleaning and then message my landlord#because i don't want to freeze here anymore xD and i also don't want my houseplants dying because of it so
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why is asking a friend if they're busy so Nauseating bruuhh
#catch me curled into a ball with my pillow against my tummy ouugggghhhh#sniff i just want to get coffee ... or maybe chinese#why do i feel like the most bothersome creature alfhakdjah#trying to be a big boy and reach out first to make plans#It sucks >:c i want to be a lil creature. just put me in you car and take me away#“the worst they could say is no” or yes in this case..#But that's the problem!! my heart will shatter and i'll want to crawl in a hole and emerge with a new face and identityyy#.. am i? rejection sensitive? chat peer review me#/hj idk if im Always Like This.#it says as it actively remembers many other instances of rejection it did not take well hahaaaa#still /hj tho#typing out loud#Dizzy Tries To Make Plans Edition
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anyway trying and kinda failing to imagine what it'd be like to have mabel and dipper as my younger siblings.... (sighs in neglected only child)
#somehow i always come back to how my cousin and i were almost as close as siblings back in the day#sure we had some good times and were thick as thieves but we also did some fucked up things that still haunt me sometimes#and we beat each other up quite a lot. two very traumatised and fuckdd up little kids with the infamous family temper...#ANYWAY. just. thinking about siblings and how i wanted to have some when i was a kid because i was so alone...#had no one to play with or confide in. ky parents always left me to my own devices because i was too annoying and bothersome and loud
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sooo i may have redoodled that one panel from @spinjitsuburst (can i @ u i AH.) cabinet man auu...,,.,,
i may have gone on a lil little tiny bit too much on my alt,, UHH
BUT I RLLY, RLLY THINK ABOUT THIS A LOT LMAO
i was gonna draw skybound ver but,,, srj was alr on mh mind
#LAST SRJ SKETCH FOR A WHILE I PROMISE I DONT WANNA SPAM???#ANYWAS I LOVE LOVE THIS AU SM#I DONT WANT TO REPEAT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN#i mean i totally would gush about it again#just dont want to seem weird????#man this is a jay acc im alr far past weird#ANYWAYS SORRY IF U SEE THIS AND U DONT LIKE GETTING @'D AT#ill one day work up the courage to give u an ask <3 /p#i wish i couldve spent more time on this but it's literally finals week#MY PARTNER TELLS ME TO SHUDDAP ABOUT THIS AU BTW#😭😭😭😭 SO MEANNNN WOWWW (its prolly bc i forget ive alr talked about it so its a restart everytimeskbskajjs)#💗💕💗💖💕💗💖💖💖💗💕💗💞💞💕💖💖💗💕💞💞#im too tired for words take these instead#my art style does not translate well from cute cartoony art helPPhh#i hope this isnt bothersome#i kept thinking about the sleeves while drawing this#i kinda(definitely) love it#i tried so hard not to automatically draw my ver of srj BUT SOME ELEMENTS R STILL THERE I THINK?? SORRY#gn im totally going to bed thinking aboit this like some normal person#skybound has a hold on me ok?
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i think with the discussion of autism people forget that a lack of social skills also makes you look like a fucking loser sometimes and its still ableist and embarrassing to be made fun of for it. and that its still intrinsically tied to your symptoms. and also it presents as annoying as shit. and also is still a symptom. you know what i mean?
#txt#going to a special ed school was very inreresting because it was like#it made me realize how different 'social ineptitude' can look in different people#and the thing is they cant help it either and i cant help it and sometimes whern you mock that person whos a total loser you ARE mocking#them because of autistic traits that they have. and no matter how many times someone goes 'but its the autism. youre mocking autism'#it like doesnt click bc its still 'loser behavior' to the person. you know? you know?#ive been thinking about it since i saw the autistic sex post. 'what does being autistic have to do with not having sex' well you see the#thing is a lot of allistic people think autistic people are annoying losers who are selfish and bothersome#and a lot of autistic people see their OWN community as the same thing. because a lot of types of autism dont mesh together#so... you know. sometimes the social disability is socially disabling#and ppl think ur lame bc of it
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