#but it's almost 4 months and now i'm not that nervous to start speaking in class or starting convos with my friends

[rapha-reads]

At a Christmas party with a bunch of my classmates, 3 are Spanish, 15 from 5 diferentes Latino countries, now that they're all tipsy to drunk, they whipped out both the super fast accent with their own regional pronunciations and the drinking game, I've officially given up following the rules or the conversations.

Even though the urge was strong to write this post in Spanish, comprehending or speaking are still a little ways away before I can confidently say I'm level C1-C2.

[k3n-dyll]

how about when things start to get spicy with sevika and she finds out it's readers first time

This got longer than I thought it would lol, but I wound up making her kinda soft in this one. The world needs more soft Sev content.

☆Men, minors and ageless DNI

Warnings... 18+, wlw, not proofread, established new relationship, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r!receiving), domtop!Sevika, virgin!reader, fem!reader, AFAB reader, praise, no specific physical descriptions but reader is implied to have plush hips for like a second Word Count: 1.5k | Masterlist. | Divider Creds | Links 4 Palestine

Notes ☆ This one's been in my drafts for months I'm so sorry. I kinda rushed the ending (it's past my bedtime) and I've been hating my writing recently so a reminder that (constructive) feedback is much appreciated

"Baby...you okay?"

Sevika's voice echoes through your mind, drawing you out of your thoughts, her hands now lightly trailing from where they'd once been underneath your shirt to rest on your hips. She looks a bit concerned, her head cocked to the side as she looks up at you from where you're perched on her lap. The rigidity of your spine hadn't gone unnoticed by her, her plump lips retracting from your neck, sharp, silver eyes narrowing at the sudden show of unease in your body.

You had kissed before, briefly. It wasn't like the contact was something new, it was simply elevated. A nice, home-cooked dinner and a few glasses of expensive red wine she'd smuggled from Piltover had wound up with you in her lap, straddling her thighs as your lips crashed together in an almost desperate make-out session, her hands gripping and fondling your body in a way you'd never felt before. You'd convinced yourself that you were fine, confident even. But as her kisses turned into licks and bites along your neck, her hands traveling upward into the thin cloth of your blouse something in you snapped. It's entirely irrational, and yet you can't control it asyour mind suddenly rushes with thoughts of every single way you could fuck up in the moment and do something that would make her want to stop. Something that would make her not want to be with you anymore.

"Baby" she repeats herself, her flesh hand giving a gentle squeeze to the plush of your hip, wanting you to speak to her.

Your eyes cast down in slight embarrassment at being detected so easily in your nervousness, giving her a small smile and dismissively waving your hand in an attempt to downplay your tension, you speak.

"Sorry, babe. I'm okay" You murmur, leaning in to kiss her again, which, for a moment, she allows, but if there's one thing about Sevika it's that she isn't going to let it go. Not when you're still so stiff in her arms.

"What is it?" she demands, once again breaking the kiss and moving her head back a bit in order to look you in the eye. You let out a sigh, not having expected this to make you as anxious as it did.

"I just...I haven't really...done this before" You admit after a bit of quiet.

That admission gives her pause, a flicker of surprise crossing her features before she lets out a soft hum in acknowledgment. Despite her urges, and the sticky pool of arousal that's already formed in her panties, the last thing she wants to do is have you uncomfortable.

"D'you want me to stop?" she questions, her hands already loosening their grip on you. Before she can fully move them away though, you wrap your hands around her forearms, still craving for her touch regardless of your internal conflict. You shake your head quickly in response.

"No, no, I don't want...I don't want you to stop, I'm just nervous is all"

"Nervous?" she asks, now admittedly more worried.

"I just don't wanna fuck up" The words come out quickly as you see Sevika's eyebrows knit together, not wanting her to think your reservations are her fault. To your shock, she just chuckles at your response, shaking her head before pressing a soft peck to your lips. "You aren't going to fuck up, baby." Her voice coming out as more of a calming purr rather than the concerned tone she'd had a moment ago, using her mech hand to pull you further up onto her lap. "Just let me take care of you, yeah?"

You nod, and without warning she stands up, arms hooked under your thighs.

"What're you doing?"

"Well, I don't want your first time to be on that banged-up old couch" she mutters, continuing to pepper kisses along your neck as she walks you to her bedroom.

Sevika's never really been one for tenderness. And the idea of taking things slow with a sexual partner, at least most of the time, wasn't really her thing but you would never know it from the way she handles your body in this moment. Gingerly lying you down on her bed, pressing soft butterfly kisses on your cheeks and mouth. Using her mech arm to hold herself in a hover above your body, her flesh hand rides up your shirt again, slowly caressing and massaging the soft skin underneath before slipping it off of your torso entirely.

"You sure you want more?" Sevika hums against your skin, nuzzling the tip of her nose against your throat, needing to confirm that you're absolutely sure before she lets loose. You nod, but of course, your girl's not having it.

"Speak. Tell me you want more."

The soft, commanding tone of her voice sends a shiver down your spine.

"Please Sev...I want more, I'm sure. I promise I'm sure." your cheeks hot as you stumble awkwardly with your words.

That's all the affirmation she needs, her hands now working around your back to unhook and discard your bra. You feel the calloused palm of her large hand grazing against your skin, groping at the fat of your breast as her lips latch around your nipple on the other, gently sucking and nipping at it with her teeth.

Her normal impatient attitude when it comes to most things has seemingly disappeared as she makes her way down your body. It takes every ounce of self-control to make it so, Sevika denying her urge to rip your clothes off to slowly strip you down instead, then herself, hungry eyes flickering up to you with each article of cloth shed to make sure you're still okay.

It's when you feel her hand beginning to slip underneath your panties that you tense again. The stiffness earns you a softly uttered "Relax baby" from Sevika before you feel the pads of her fingers begin tracing your puffy clit, the contact almost soothing now that there's some relief to the growing ache between your thighs.

Sevika is quick to replace her fingers with her mouth, eager to position herself snugly between your thighs, hoisting your legs over her broad shoulders and pressing her tongue flush against your cunt. The feeling sends a jolt of electricity through you, the expected but new feeling of her soft lips pressing kisses against your swollen pearl, her tongue dragging along your slit rendering your brain useless.

"Oh my god..." Your hands instinctively weave into her short, dark strands as you unconsciously press yourself into her closer.

Sevika can feel her own need growing by the second but she refuses to rush you, her own cunt gushing with every little move you make. The way you whimper when she finally pushes two of her thick fingers into you is driving her absolutely wild, moaning with you against your pussy as she finds herself humping mindlessly at the scrunched blanket between her own legs.

"There you go, pretty girl...so fuckin' tight" "Taste so fuckin' good, baby.."

Every word she speaks is caught between her own stifled grunts and heavy breathing, her impatience becoming clear in the way she begins pumping her fingers ruthlessly in and out of you, audible sloshing and sucking sounds only drowned out only by your increasingly loud, untamable moaning.

Every muscle in your body seems to tense as you near your peak, back arching up off of the bed as you try to warn her you're close

"Sev, Sev....I'm g'na - fuck, I'm so close"

Sevika just groans in response, her fingers curling upward inside of you with each pump, triggering a wave of all consuming pleasure to course through your body. You've touched yourself before, but not a single one of your solo sessions could compare to the blinding euphoric feeling that rips its way through your body. Your fingers curl harder into her hair, accidentally tugging off the elastic that usually keeps Sevika's hair in place as you grind yourself agsint her tongue.

Her hands keep a firm grip on your thighs as you ride out your orgasm, only detatching her lips from your body when you begin attempting to pull back from overstimulation. A dopey grin is spread across her wet lips when she looks up at you - a rare sight to most, the small gap in her front teeth on full display.

"You did so good...so fuckin' good for me" Sevika murmurs, not bothering to wipe her mouth when she leans down and crashes her lips into your own parted ones, your breathing still short and heavy.

With how she's repositioned herself on top of you, her core hovering just above you thigh, you can feel just how wet she's gotten without even having been touched yet, the dark hair of her bush grazing against your skin and leaving a cool, dewy trail on your leg.

"What....what about you?" You ask, to which Sevika snorts, this time, purposefully lowering herself a bit more to let you feel just how drenched she truly is, as if wanting you to know that it's your fault her body is reacting this way.

"I never said I was done with you, did I?"

Reblogs are appreciated <3 || Taglist: @archangeldyke-all, @delinthecut, @half-of-a-gay, @porcelainmystery, @glass-apothecary, @cobraisveryhorny

[fen-luciel]

The mistakes of a Acolyte

4

Chapters

Summary: You are pregnant with Qimir's child and the universe is not big enough to hide you from him.

There was an embarrassed silence for a few minutes before Sol decided to clear his throat.

"I understand the fear, but this time we'll be more prepared, we won't let him even touch you" I looked at him unsure, I didn't know what was worse, if I brought them there and he was there... even hiding my belly, being seen with the Jedi would be a death sentence, or he could speak out of turn and get me arrested while he escaped, the possibilities were endless and each worse than the other.

"Excuse me, I need... to wash my face" my hands trembled as I tried to get up, Yord beside me stood up worried before offering me a hand which I quickly took, with a nod he pointed me to the bathroom and I hurried there.

The door opened automatically and I rushed inside, closing the door behind me, the sterile light illuminating the small room burned my eyes.

When I rubbed them, I realized the problem, unshed tears filled my lashes, the burning sensation I was starting to feel was the familiar one of crying.

I turned off the light and turned on the smaller, dimmer one above the mirror, in the dark I took a few deep breaths, hands resting on the rectangular sink before placing one on my belly and gently rubbing it.

The dark atmosphere calmed my nerves and fortunately, I managed to hold back the tears, turning on the water I washed my face with my still trembling hands, my shadowed reflection in the mirror was terrible, like the night before, it was written on all my features how bad I felt, the almost sickly purple bags under my eyes, the reddened irises, a disaster that seemed only to worsen.

As I took more breaths, I realized there was talking in the background happening a few meters from me, I could hear them discussing even with the door closed, especially Yord who seemed to have a particularly loud tone.

I pressed my ear to the door to better understand what they were talking about.

"I'm just saying we could try another way" the rhythmic sound I heard was probably his nervous footsteps, I could imagine him pacing back and forth nervously. "I don't like doing this either, but it's our best way," Jecki replied calmly. "We can get an approximate direction and go—" "With the risk of being discovered?" Sol interrupted her.

"And if he's really there? Maybe waiting for us. He'll assume we've rummaged through his things and found his partner" Jecki speculated. "Ex-partner" Yord immediately intervened afterward.

There was a few seconds of silence, I could imagine them looking at each other grimly. "He could be waiting for us with traps, or see us coming and escape while we search for the way, in the best-case scenario he'll be there to retrieve the last things before disappearing, we must seize the opportunity while it's available. He was injured the last time we clashed but I doubt it will slow him down, we must keep up" more muffled sounds followed, and some words I didn't quite catch as they continued to speak in a more controlled tone.

"We should at least give her time to process and understand if she wants to—" Yord's tone was irritated, you could hear it a mile away, but again Jecki intervened. "We must act now. We can help calm her nerves, but we need her and now."

I pressed my forehead against the metal door, weakly rubbing my eyes, I took a deep breath.

I had to think clearly, now more than ever I was caught between two fires ready to explode in my face, what was happening to me? What was I doing? How many times had I already said the wrong thing without even realizing it?

Was this farce I was carrying on the problem?

Had I become too weak?

Had these months of calm made me more docile or was it just me wanting to be? After all, it had already happened many years before.

Sure.

It had already happened.

When everything around you is a lie, you adapt to it, believe you are part of it, accept it, and carry on that fairytale.

I was doing it again, I had adapted to that desire that had started growing in my chest.

To be a normal person, a mother, a civilian like everyone else.

But I had never been that.

I had never been a victim.

Even what Qimir did to me. I let him do it, because deep down, it was what I wanted.

To feel loved regardless of the consequences, of how it would present itself and how I would live it.

I knew what I had to do.

I left the bathroom after washing my face again.

Immediately everyone turned to me, so I gave an encouraging smile. "Sorry, I needed a moment to think. I'll do it... I just ask that you keep me informed of the plan, if something goes wrong I want to understand it. Especially to escape the danger if it arises" I announced with a deep breath.

The reactions I received were different, it was obvious that Yord was not happy about it, Jecki nodded impassively, but Sol was clearly happy with my choice.

"Certainly, we'll organize the plan this afternoon and let you know when we've decided" Sol replied. I nodded before taking a few steps forward. "If it's not a problem, I'd like to go home, especially if we have to leave early, maybe put some clothes in a bag, or retrieve my old blaster." The three nodded. "If all goes well, you'll be away from home for a maximum of one day, but it's right to prevent, thank you again" Sol replied with a slight bow that I returned.

"Wait, I'll accompany you" Yord offered me an arm which I took with a smile. "Thank you"

We left the ship at a slower pace, the city was fully awake by now, the streets were full of busy civilians, but they seemed to easily step aside as we passed, whether to help a pregnant woman or for fear of the Jedi I couldn't tell.

"You're not obligated if you don't want to" Yord suddenly said, I looked at him with a small smile on my lips, he was deliberately avoiding my gaze, walking with a rigid posture, eyes fixed ahead of him.

"It's okay Yord. I want to end this story. Maybe for real this time" the only response I received was a snort from his nose, it was a rather amusing reaction despite everything, although I didn't understand the reason, sure Sol and Jecki were also worried, but he seemed on another planet.

"How sweet, you're worried" I intoned teasingly as I slightly squeezed his arm, the muscle contracting under my fingers.

"Of course I am. We are putting a pregnant woman in danger, I know you're not inexperienced, but we're Jedi, we should protect you, not ask you to be on the front line" I exhaled a snort of amusement. "Well, I have my Jedi knight to protect me, don't I?" I gave him a playful smile, but I could clearly see a slight dark blush on his cheeks.

When we reached my building he accompanied me to the door of my apartment where I let go of his arm.

"See you then?" he nodded before crossing his hands behind his back in a rigid posture. "We'll contact you as soon as we're organized, I'd tell you to bring something you need so maybe prepare a bag, but I don't think we'll contact you before evening. So rest" rummaging in his pockets he handed me a small comlink which I put in my pocket.

"See you later"

I closed the door behind me, the comlink left on the kitchen table as I quickly headed to the bedroom.

I had to do things right if I wanted to get out clean, to kriff with the Jedi, Qimir, and this shitty life I had tried to get into, peace had never existed, all the notions that had been taught to me were dictated by hypocrisy, but I had come out of it and I would come out of it this time too.

Rummaging through the closet, I took a loose shirt to put on, took off my shoes for comfort, and quickly tied my hair in a messy bun on my head.

Sure, if he didn't answer... but at that point, I didn't care, I would make another plan and another until I freed myself from the problem.

I sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, the shutters were still down leaving the room dimly lit, I took deep breaths before closing my eyes, hands resting on my legs.

Over the years Qimir and I had developed a direct bond in the force, which had helped us on many occasions, the more time passed the easier it was for us to use it and outside it was almost impossible to perceive us. In recent months Qimir had repeatedly tried to call me through the force, I had closed the bond as soon as I escaped into hyperspace, the first days were a nightmare, he tried to contact me in every way, dozens of times a day, forcefully. It was obvious he was furious, he immediately realized something was wrong, he was more the type to disappear without saying anything, I wasn't. I would have warned him, I would have told him what I had to do, when I would return, anything, I was paranoid by nature and Qimir was a companion, so it seemed logical to tell him everything.

Even when I had to keep a low profile, I found a way to warn him of the problem, that day 5 months earlier, however, was particularly calm, we weren't doing anything special, so when I took my things and left it took him less than 12 hours to realize something was wrong.

The first calls were calm but insistent, when he realized I didn't intend to answer him, he got furious.

It was absurd how, despite being equals, his presence made me uncomfortable. It was a change I hadn't perceived. It took me five months to realize that what was happening was wrong.

And now I had to reactivate the bond.

And talk to him.

The last time he thought it was a dream, and he still managed to hurt me. I couldn't let him terrify me.

I tried several times, taking deep breaths, trying to reach him through the Force, but between the back pain and the nerves, I could barely concentrate.

I needed to relax, to find his familiar signature.

I lay on my side and closed my eyes again. I had to find Qimir, I had to remember his presence. The night before, we had connected in a dream, more out of visceral instinct, probably. I had emptied my mind of him, had forced myself to forget him, but the arrival of the Jedi had awakened everything, and it would have been hypocritical to deny the truth.

I was worried about him.

Where he was, if he was hurt, if he felt lonely... because of me.

My heart tightened in my chest. A tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away with my sleeve. I hugged one of the pillows to my chest, seeking comfort, rubbing my face against the soft fabric.

The truth was that I missed Qimir terribly.

No matter how much I lied to myself, there was a void in my heart that only he had filled. He would have been so happy to know about this child, would have been by my side, worried about my well-being, massaging my back, and cooking my favorite dishes every day.

I loved him.

And he loved me.

But... the dark side of him wasn't just due to what he had gone through. There was something more visceral, possessive, violent... something that he took out on me.

I thought we were on the same page, that we were equals. But he didn't see it the same way.

I tried again, my arms tightening around the pillow. I tried to imagine him there with me, his delicate yet strong scent, reminiscent of a rain-soaked forest, the warmth of his body, the defined muscles, the numerous scars felt under my fingertips, his soft lips on my forehead... and it was then that I felt him.

It was like seeing a house with an open door from afar. He hadn't noticed that I was searching for him, trying to reach him, but he had left the door open, waiting for me.

And that's how I reached him. The darkness behind my closed eyes was soon illuminated by a cold blue light. I rubbed my eyes from the discomfort before realizing I had made it. My physical form had projected through the Force near Qimir.

I immediately recognized the place, the one I had hinted at to the Jedi. I immediately knew I was right. He had returned here, perhaps for the map, perhaps just to hide.

Looking quickly around, I noticed nothing different from usual. In fact, nothing seemed to have changed at all. It was an old stone room we had turned into our bedroom, although at first glance, it looked more like a storage room. Scrolls, books, devices of all kinds were placed in every corner, on the floor, under or on top of furniture. The windows, usually covered with rudimentary curtains we had hung, were now open, showing the night sky outside.

Walking towards the back of the room, I noticed a backpack carelessly placed on the floor, his clothes haphazardly thrown nearby, and then I spotted some bloodstains but ignored them. I knew who he had fought with, and I remembered Sol and Yord talking about an injury.

And finally, there he was, lying on an old double mattress against the wall at the back, pillows and blankets messily strewn on top, surrounding his sleeping body. A small bandage wrapped around his arm, but apart from that, he seemed fine. He had his back to me, sleeping deeply, his hair tousled on the pillow. I wanted to approach him while he was still asleep, to watch him while he was still peaceful, but I couldn't risk it.

So I did what I had come for.

I approached the small table next to the bed where he kept a flask of some foul-smelling drink and began to hit the metal surface with an open hand, once, twice, three times until Qimir woke up, pulled the lightsaber to him, and ignited it in my direction, terribly confused even as he tried to stand.

"I leave you alone for a few months, and this is the result?" I started, approaching the bed with a flat tone.

I had to be confident. I had dressed specifically to hide the curves of my pregnancy. If I showed any hesitation, he would realize I was hiding much more than I was letting on.

The surprise on his face was almost endearing, his eyes wide and still a bit clouded by alcohol. It took him a few seconds of silence to fully register what was happening.

"Sabrina..." he began to get up from the bed, but I stopped him with a gesture of my hand.

"Let's skip the pleasantries. You're in deep shit" He slowly sat back down on the mattress before deactivating the lightsaber, suspicion clear in his gaze.

"What are you doing here? You disappear for months and then come back to do what exactly?" There was acidity in his tone. This wasn't the dream he thought he was having. He didn't know I was really pregnant, and he didn't see me crying or sad. This probably wasn't the kind of reunion he hoped for. It was just me, waking him rudely and treating him with indifference.

"I've come to warn you. The Jedi know where you're hiding and will be here soon" The surprise and then the confusion were clear in his features. He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him start. "The idiot you were dragging along talked, but I guess you suspected that already. They found... our photo" I added the last part with a frustrated sigh.

"Wait, they found you? Were you captured?" He jumped up, reaching out a hand toward me, but I stepped back a few paces.

"No. I convinced them I was an unaware colleague of yours. But they knew too much, and I had to say some things"

The more details I added, the more confused he seemed. He tilted his head in that cute way I often teased him about, and I held back a smile. It wasn't the right time.

"I'll have to bring them here. We'll probably arrive in less than two days, maybe even sooner. So pack the most important things and hide them on the ship, especially all the Sith artifacts. I don't want those dogs touching or, worse, destroying everything we've recovered..." Without realizing it, I started pacing back and forth in front of him, lost in my thoughts. It was true that many of the things were scattered across the various hideouts we had, but what we wanted to study and analyze, we kept within reach.

Needless to say, between things to do, other... hobbies, and the undeniable laziness of both of us, a lot of things had accumulated here too.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Qimir suddenly grabbed my wrist. I turned quickly, my heart pounding in my chest, mentally cursing myself for letting my guard down so easily. I shouldn't have let him get too close. Yet in his gaze, I read none of the emotions that made my knees tremble. He looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"Are you okay? How did you reach me without getting caught?" I exhaled deeply before yanking my wrist away from his warm hand. I was sure he noticed my accelerated heartbeat, but it wasn't unusual given the situation we were in.

"Yes. I'm... in a hotel I rented. They left me alone to decide a plan. I hoped to contact you after knowing it, but I doubt I'll have time. We need to think carefully about what to do next." I cleared my throat before sighing. "If you just want to leave before they arrive, I understand. But make sure not to leave any traces. I told that Jedi about our map. If they don't find it, you'll have time to hide and heal," I continued, nodding towards his arm. He shrugged in response, making an irritated grimace. "I'm fine. It's nothing."

"And you? They know about us now. Do you really think they'll let you go?" he continued. I gave him a half-arrogant smile. "I was very convincing in my story. They think I'm just a former colleague and lover. They actually want to protect me from you" I said mockingly, but instead of smiling as I hoped, he lost every ounce of lightness he had. The rigid posture of his back and the darkening gaze made my toes numb from how tightly I was keeping them to avoid stepping back.

"A hotel? Is that what you've been doing for five months? Wandering the galaxy doing what? You left without telling me anything, cutting me off from the bond, and now you reappear, warning me about the Jedi" he began to slowly step towards me with a gloomy look. The anxiety gnawed at my stomach, but I had to keep the façade.

Attack was the best defense, after all.

"And you? I leave for a while, and you find an acolyte, get caught by the Order, and then what?" He stopped mid-step, fists clenched at his sides. I could see how tightly he was keeping his arms contracted. It was obvious he was furious, but my words had hit him at least a little.

"I was looking for you. But I didn't want to let the Jedi go. At one point, I even thought they had taken you, that you had run away to keep me safe... but it seems I was wrong" the last sentence was almost growled, as I raised my arm towards him and instinctively grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards me. With my other hand, I grasped the t-shirt he used for sleeping, forcing him to bend down to my eye level.

The unexpected movement left him silent as he looked back at me, confused.

"I feel like I've always been honest with you all these years. I've always told you everything. I've included you in my personal and non-personal life. For once when I needed my own space, you're angry? And how should I feel?" Both of us were short of breath, our gazes hard, too many things left unsaid, or at least, I was hiding everything from him and continued to lie to his face, since we were friends, an unspoken rule was that I was always honest with him, not because he asked me or some code imposed it on me, but because if there was something my past experiences had taught me, keeping secrets only led to disasters.

But this was different. I had to lie.

I pushed him away from me and he didn't resist. "I'm trying to help you in case you hadn't noticed."

Qimir snorted before crossing his arms over his chest. The muscles in his arms bulged with the movement. Had he become even bigger while I was away? I mentally pinched myself at the thought. It was really the wrong time to fantasize about those arms.

"I have no intention of leaving you alone with the Jedi. Maybe you've tricked them for now, but it's obvious they won't let this go so easily. If they decide to report this to the higher-ups, sooner or later someone will recognize you. And you don't know when or how. I'm staying. And I'm taking you with me," I swore I heard his voice grow huskier towards the end, but I ignored the shiver down my spine and cleared my throat.

"I know. But we have to keep up this facade until the end. At least as an emergency plan"

The silence that followed was tense, almost suffocating. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, and swore I saw him lean towards me for a second before dropping his hands to his hips again, probably bitter and disheartened by how this conversation was going.

"I could pretend to kidnap you" he hypothesized. "You said you're playing the victim, right? Tell me what you told them and maybe I could-"

"No. We want them to leave us alone, not to pursue us more aggressively" it was obvious things would only get worse if we pretended a kidnapping. They were bringing me there, pregnant, by that time they would have felt responsible and there would have been chances that they would call the council. "We have to make sure you slip from under their noses. They mustn't realize you knew about their arrival. But... you could hurt me" an idea finally flashed through my mind. "Of course, they don't know about my Force abilities, you have to attack me-" I began to pace the room as a plan formed in my mind. "No, wait, I don't want to hurt you—" "—as if you could" I interrupted with a mocking tone.

Maybe it was the fact that we weren't really in the same room, maybe it was the months apart, but I felt much less uncomfortable now in his presence, and having the upper hand gave me more confidence. Sure, Qimir wasn't stupid, but I had the advantage. And I needed to get rid of him like the Jedi.

"I told them we were engaged and that I ran away when I realized you were dangerous—" he rolled his eyes before making an irritated grimace "—we can pretend I betrayed you, you attack us in anger, I slip inside and reach the ship we have down here. While you fight the Jedi, I'll activate the doors to buy you time. They'll think a droid helped you, and we can leave on two separate ships" I turned towards him with a satisfied expression.

"Sweetheart. I thought we agreed not to play the kidnapping card" he whispered with an ironic smile on his lips as he took a few steps closer. I ignored the affectionate name he called me, not letting him get into my head and distract me with less important things.

"And indeed, we'll take two separate paths. They'll be too worried about chasing you, and in the meantime, I'll cut off all communication. We'll both have time to disappear"

He looked at me irritably before walking away, throwing the lightsaber casually on the bed as he started taking off his shirt. "This plan sucks" he hissed through his teeth as he continued to undress, calling his usual tunic abandoned in a corner with the Force and starting to get dressed.

"Do you have a better idea? I don't think so. And anyway, for all we know, they could come in four or twenty" I snapped irritably, raising my voice. "Do you realize how many things could go to kriff?" he ran his hands through his hair, frustrated, and I sighed in response, irritated. "I know! We'll improvise, as we always do, but it's better than nothing... Where's Sam?" I asked suddenly, looking around.

"I deactivated him, he kept bugging me because you weren't here and was blaming me" I rubbed my eyes once again before turning towards him and pointing my finger at him. "Reactivate my droid, get help, and keep your eyes open. If everything goes well, we'll drop off their radar for a while, and maybe we can shake them off since you decided to get caught" I snapped irritably.

"Sorry, but can't we just ambush them?" he replied, frustrated.

I swallowed bitterly before answering more calmly, "I can't. Not now. We need to get rid of them calmly" I saw him make another grimace, ready to protest, but I interrupted him again.

"Shut up. You created this problem. That's why I'm the master between the two of us. Don't forget that. You have orders. Execute them." My tone was hard. Disappointed. I sounded convincing. Maybe I was venting a different kind of irritation at the moment, but he couldn't imagine that. Fortunately, I struggled to read him just as he struggled with me.

Ours was more of a dance, armed with sharp claws and lightsabers, ready to attack each other for sport or wound each other out of personal pride. I could suffer as much as I wanted for his actions, be afraid of him, but I had no doubt that deep down, Qimir had the same fear of me.

It was a race to see who would break first.

That's why I couldn't allow him to see my weakness.

"Don't get yourself killed."

And with that, I looked at him one last time before severing the bond. Darkness returned, and when I opened my eyes again, I was still in my bedroom, hugging the pillow, as that forest scent faded from my senses.

[callsignbaphomet]

TranslucentTB and the Better Matchmaking mod are pissing me the fuck off so I'm gonna talk about cute things.

So when Loke reached Skyrim he barely left the house, he was a mess but above all scared and trying to juggle between processing everything that happened, the fact that he now has a 4 month old and that there are people after said 4 month old and he's injured.

I'll explain what happened in Hammerfell in another post.

For a year Loke didn't interact with anyone and despite his neighbors, a dark elf woman and her Argonian wife, trying to at least introduce themselves he kept them at arm's length. He was paranoid that anyone could be a sell sword working for Iain and trying to kill his baby sibling.

I'm being ambiguous about the gender 'cause Jela was born a girl and had a different name; don't wanna overpack this with semi unrelated stuff. He didn't start switching over to male until he was around 4 or 5. But regardless I'll still refer to him as Jelani even before he was 4.

So like I was saying, for a year Loke just barricaded himself in the house until one night one of the neighbors' kids came down with a bad case of Ataxia and had no potions.

Loke had studied under his mom and by the time he was a teenager he was assisting his mom and as an adult he was a healer working alongside his mother. She also taught him about poisons and venoms (this bit of lore is because of an accident in game on my part lmao). So both women went to Loke and asked for help for their kid and Loke obviously helped. As the kid recovered Loke and the dark elf and Argonian sat down to talk and that's when they learned that it wasn't just Loke living by himself. He got nervous and said that that was his daughter and from there fabricated this whole story about how he and his partner lived in Markarth and they'd died shortly after their daughter was born and Loke moved to start over. He felt shitty about lying but he did it to protect himself and his baby sibling but from then on Lo befriended the two women and they actually helped spread the word that Lo's a healer and given the location it was ideal since most people living in the area were far from towns and cities that had apothecaries making Loke the closest thing.

Several months later Loke is infected with lycanthropy and the day after his first full moon he met Trevor (a fellow werewolf and a Redguard. Ngl Trev made him feel homesick), and the most beautiful orc he'd ever seen. He was instantly smitten and kept coming back to the Lavender Lounge, not only because it was safe but because he befriended Trevor and he was teaching him all there was about being a werewolf and how to navigate life as one too. More importantly he'd get to see and talk to that beautiful orc that owned the lounge. For weeks Uthorim and Loke talked and Uth flirted with him but Loke can't tell when someone's flirting with him...hell, he doesn't even know how to flirt honestly speaking. It wasn't until Trevor outright told him what Uth was doing which caught him by surprise since he didn't think someone like Uthorim would be interested in some scruffy thing like him. Nevertheless some months pass and Loke is pretty much head over heels in love with him.

Here's the thing. Lo had mentioned he had a child and he kind of didn't know what to tell Uthorim, he wanted to tell him the truth but part of him wanted to keep up the lie to protect Jelani. He chose to trust Uth and told him the entire truth but asked him to keep up the lie which he did. At that point Jelani almost 8 months old and Loke had introduced him to Uthorim. Cue adorable shenanigans with Lo raising Jela and Uth helping out too. Also cue Loke losing his absolute shit when Jela said his first word at 8 months. The man turned into a puddle of tears.

So Uth is there to see Jelani's first few things and saw him get a little older and as a toddler (that age that babies just grab whatever's within reach) whenever Uth would carry him around he'd grab onto Uth's tusks and make squeaky sounds. He loved playing with Uthorim and whenever he was in Loke's arms he'd fall asleep while cuddling him.

There's onviously more as Jela gets older but I'll cover that later.

[oedipusted]

Part 2 of blown cover story.

I wasn't sure how many people my sister had told. She said almost everyone, but that could be exaggeration. She told a few I'm sure, and those will tell a few, but at least my secret won't be known far and wide. However, more and more people when they encounter me ask about and comment or talk about my Mom. This was happening more and more. I desperately tried changing subject, but the persons talking to me immediately changed it back to my Mom. Me changing subject I guess made me appear to be guilty I guess. in hindsight.

Around this same time and after, rumors and gossip were multiplying and spreading like wildfire. Every day it seemed 4 or 5 new gossip stories and 5-10 or more new rumors about Mom and I dating/being involved as lovers popped up and started spreading. This went on daily for a few months. During this time, my aunt (who lives on the other side of my home state called me on the phone...the phone at Mom's house of course). My aunt (my Mom's sister) kept saying "I hear you have a new girlfriend. Tell me all about her" I kept saying "No I do not have a girlfriend". "No I truly do not." (Oh did I sound nervous/scared as I talked.). Mom and my Sister are within earshot. After several denials from me, my aunt said "I know you have aa new girlfriend you are super serious about.". "NO NO NO" said I. "My aunt said "Nonsense dear. I know for a fact you have a girlfriend. I am talking about your mother, er... your girlfriend... er your mother. Your mother/girlfriend, she is who I am talking about." I had to explain to my aunt all about it. Next day my aunt from Dad's side of family called, same thing. I had to explain.

Two nights later, my Mother and I are in the midst of a very passionate love making session at around 2:30 AM, in my Mother's bed (it is a midweek night). Suddenly the phone beside Mom'ss bed rings. We ignore it of course. A minute of two later it rings again, in the midst of a thrust stroke I absently mindedly pick up the phone and say breathlessly "Hello. This is Ted Jr. We were in bed". Uh-oh. It is my aunts. Major Uh-oh. They both start talking, and say "Imagine talking to you at 2:30 in the morning, in your Parent's house, and apparently in your Mother's bed to boot, haha. May we speak to her". Major Uh-oh. I say "Yes, here Mom" and quickly hand the phone to Mom, who speaks into it immediately... Major major Uh-oh!! Yes we gave ourselves away. This must have been popular, because a majority of over nights friends, acquaintances, strangers neighbors would call during night. If Mom answered they would want to talk to me, saying they know I am here. If I answered, common response was "Aha, I knew it. I KNEEEEW IT! May I speak to your mother". Oh yeah, we were pretty busted.

During this time, more and more rumors were formed about Mom and I. More and more gossip flew. Our small town and small and larger towns//cities in ssurrounding area seemed to have lots of people who knew. These rumors/gossip also caused others who were not sure it was true, to try to see us or catch us . Oh man oh man oh man. To me it seemed almost everyone knew. Apparently my sister told way more people than I first assumed. And those many people told many other people. If those people had not heard, now they had heard. If people already knew, hearing all the additional gossip and rumors simply confirmed that the gossip and rumors were ALL TRUE!! Part 3 (tonight later) will be about our cover completely being blown, more people finding out, Mom and I getting caught "in the act" a few times,and how that kead to the blog I have today.

[crowwolf]

Blarg

I've not been functional since last week. Stupid fever. It's not even a high fever, just a lingering make-all-your-joints-hurt-like-fucking-hell fever. I'm so tired.

I want to knit and write. I have no bbrrraaaiiiinnnnssss

I need this guy to stop the evil dead eating the last cells in my skull (gods, Ash, I haven't watches that movie in decades (literally and without hyperbole 😳).

Here lieth my brain. Covered in a fog of fever, ne'er to be seen again.

Ok, I'm being hyperbolic now.

I go through phases in my life where I figuratively ingest every piece of literature I can put my hands on. I'll be that way for months at a time. Then, without any rhyme or reason, my brain goes - ya know, we like this stuff, but we're going to stop. Now. For months, eh, maybe years. It's been probably 4 or 5 years or more since I've been able to sustainably read and entire book without external stimuli (I.e. reading to my son out loud).

I hate it. HATE it. I love to read. I love all the fan-fiction I've been reading, but this stupid fever has my brain stuttering.

Speaking of brains. Autistic ADHDers - I was diagnosed ADHD in my mid-30s AFTER my son was. That's pretty normal for women my age, unfortunately, we were the chatter box in class, the you-could-do-so-much-better-if-yiu-tried ones, the lazy, messy, disorganized ones (I always knew where my stuff was!). Now, here's where I'm feeling like more knowledge is wigging me out. There's a website that is designed for people to seek as a resource for autism. I've had some close to me suggest I could be on the spectrum, but I scoffed cause wouldn't someone had noticed? Except, no one would have cause I've always worn a mask - different masks for different situations. The older I get, the harder it is to hold it in place. I used to hug everyone cause people expected me to, now I barely want to touch unless it's family or someone I've known a long time.

So, that website. I went on and did every tests, long or short. I scored high, like very high, on all of them. I can't afford to get tested. And I don't know why I'm sharing this here (Tumblr feels safe, which is nice, I haven't openly talked about this to anyone except hubs and spawn #1).

So, I've basically lived my life jerry-rigging every aspect. Now, loud noises set me off. Hearing someone chew has always bothered me, but it's rage inducing now to the point I have to put on music or leave or cover my ears. It's so bad that I have started isolating myself from extremes of noise (other than music! Music is life!). My in-laws visit and I'm almost in tears the whole time - they're in my space, moving my things, and so so loud.

Are those autistic things? Or ADHD or both? There's more - I used to be very smooth with dealing with the public. Now, I feel like a nervous teen on the verge of a first date any time I have to. I was a a bartender, a food counter person, a 911 dispatcher. I was public admin and technically still am (though I rarely deal with them anymore). I will physically vibrate from the anxiety and get a massive adrenaline rush that keeps me wired all day. Oh, I also can't take ADHD meds as they interact with my depression/anxiety meds and make me super manic and depressive.

There's more, but I'm freaking out cause I don't want my break to stop again and I can feel it starting and I hate it.

I think I just want to know if anyone can relate.

[youllalwaysfindyourwaybackhome]

I posted 12,532 times in 2022

1,678 posts created (13%)

10,854 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@reputation

@thenighttrain

@tolerateit

@sweetsnothing

@cages-boxes-hunters-foxes

I tagged 9,084 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#0 - 491 posts

#reputation era - 586 posts

#red - 567 posts

#reputation - 551 posts

#1989 era - 503 posts

#speak now - 428 posts

#speak now era - 412 posts

#red era - 409 posts

#lover era - 406 posts

#lover - 355 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i saw a white flower standing straight and proud shapely as a lily and yet knew that it was hard as if wrought by elf-wrights out of steel.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

us all getting suspicious that an announcement is incoming feels kinda like a group of elderly people gazing at a clear blue sky sensing a storm in their bones

467 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

#4

thinking about the progression from "we are the kings and the queens" to "I wonder if they'll miss me once they drive me out" to "I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now / Why? / Oh, 'cause she's dead!" to "I didn't know if you'd care if I came back" to "I'm still on my tallest tiptoes / spinning in my highest heels, love / shining just for you" to "I come back stronger than a '90s trend"

657 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

#3

the closer we get to july 9th the more nervous I get because what if taylor does something speak now tv related but also what if she doesn't

671 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

#2

Dozens of Clarence House staff have been given notice of their redundancy as the offices of King Charles and the Queen Consort move to Buckingham Palace after the death of the Queen, the Guardian has learned.

Up to 100 employees at the King’s former official residence, including some who have worked there for decades, received notification that they could lose their jobs just as they were working round the clock to smooth his elevation to the throne.

Private secretaries, the finance office, the communications team and household staff are among those who received notice during the thanksgiving service for the Queen, at St Giles’ Cathedral in Edinburgh on Monday, that their posts were on the line.

Many staff had assumed they would be amalgamated into the King’s new household, claiming they were given no indication of what was coming until the letter from Sir Clive Alderton, the King’s top aide, arrived. One source said: “Everybody is absolutely livid, including private secretaries and the senior team. All the staff have been working late every night since Thursday, to be met with this. People were visibly shaken by it.”

800 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

how is it almost july how are we almost halfway through the year how are we almost closer to the start of 2023 not the start of 2022 what has happened to the last six months why am i continuously shaken by the undeniable passage of time i think I need to lie down

9,742 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cosmo-lexies]

Dylan Season 1 (4/7)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6: Technically, I'm not eco-friendly

I continued my walk. There is an electric tower in the middle of the forest, which I used to rechange. It was a remote place, near a back road. No one can see me there.

My powers are absorption, accumulation, and transformation of almost any type of energy; kinetic, electric, thermal, radiation... I can liberate this energy in different ways, sometimes consciously and others unconsciously. For example, if anything makes contact with me, I create an equal and opposite force to protect myself. So if someone tries to throw hands and punch me, it's gonna feel like hitting a brick wall or something. I know it's mad cool.

I have limits like a battery, although this's not a problem usually. Around each month I need a good recharge. Solar power could work, but being a nudist is gonna make me any less noticeable. The fastest way, high voltage power.

I jumped until the part of the wires. You don't expect some spectacular. I touched the sub-transmission line for one sec. With this, I had sixty-nine kilovolts extra. I let myself fall slowly, thanks to my powers it seemed that I was floating. Maybe, I was pushing my limits, but I wasn't in overload, so no worries.

I returned to my aunt's house, but it was late. If I hadn't sprinted, I wouldn't have gotten in time. I had already dealt with a ton of drama that week. Tomas was watching TV in my room when I arrive.

"Hi Tomas," he turned around and glanced at me.

He made a grin, "Give me the lowdown. How did it go?"

"I don't feel like a slumber party."

"You never feel up to anything. Please, don't make me beg." He glanced at me with puppy eyes.

"Okey, the movie was well, I didn't get a lot of. It's not my type of movie, but the main actress is great, besides the photograph was ..."

"This's bulshit," he yelled. "Did you even get to first base?"

"Yo, you're hella rude," he continued to glance at me; he was waiting. I won't be able to dodge him unless I spill the deets, "Okey, okay, we kissed in the movie."

"Really, when will you date again?"

"Nah, not happening. She's fine as hell and brilliant, but I'm not ready for a relationship. This was our first and last date. I'm going to send a text to her tomorrow."

"You're a jerk," Elena said while going up the stairs. I don't know how long she has been there. "Let's summarize, you finally date a girl who fell in love with you since you move on. You were super nice and funny. When started the movie you and she kissed. Then you went into the bath, she gets nervous and you behave like a gentleman, her words, for me this is basic decency. And now you say that she doesn't like you and that you going to send a message, a fucking message."

Ohh shit, she was right. "Shit, I don't know, when? how? We only speak a few times," I babbled.

"Dylan, she comes here constantly, she always tries to speak with you and you're on the guest list every time she makes plans."

I drop onto my bed, " I thought she was trying to be nice to the new guy. I'm focused on my own; I'm not flirting with anyone. Ahhh!" I covered my face with a cushion to silence my frustration.

"This is the other thing. You're the mysterious new student, who's mad good-looking and friendly with everyone, but like, nobody really knows your deal. You have half high school in love because you seem like the main character of a teen romance movie."

"Not, I don't. Do I?" I said looking at Tomas

"She's right. My friend Alisa asked me if I could get her a date with you; and Ava, Mia, Harper, oh and Lucas when he came out a few months ago.  But, I don't understand the problem with Victoria, you never speak about one relationship," Tomas said.

"Be quiet little brother, this's a conversation for adults. I will explain to you what is the affective responsibility another day, meanwhile, you don't approach a girl," they started to argue.

They were bothering me. I fucked up, I shouldn't have listened to Andrew. They didn't stop arguing and I couldn't hear my own thoughts.

"Shut up both of you. I must speak with Victoria the Monday and explain it to her."

"Not, you will talk with her tomorrow, with time, not in a twenty-minute break. You will have a long conversation in which you explain your feelings and apologize to be a jerk, Why? because she is my friend, and if I have to choose between you and her, I'll kill you, Dylan Torres," she gave me a really angry and intense look like she was about to wreck me.

She had a point. Not only because she'd hate me but also because Victoria deserves a sincere conversation.

"I could meet with her at a party tomorrow night," I said in a lower voice and didn't want to botter more to Elena.

"I like it. First, you break her heart, and then I treat it with alcohol. I'm in. Who throws the party?"

"Jackson Lee, in his lake house,"

"Please, nooot," she said while huffing and puffing.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"Elena is been curving him since seventh grade, even though he had a crush on her," Tomas replied.

"What do you want? He doesn't want to date me. He wanna win over me as if I'm a prize or something. It's frustrating."

"I feel you," I said accidentally, my bad. They both gave me a look like they were hella interested. "I don't say anything, it's private."

"C'mon, mam, we wanna know. You never talk with us about anything of your past," Tomas insisted.

"This's not the issue," Elena said taking pity on me, "I go. I will sacrifice myself for Victoria, Tomas you should come,"

"Not, thank you. I have a D&D game at Peter's. Besides, I don't feel like being your distraction for Jackson."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7: If you're on time, you're late

I was ready, but Elena was still in the shower. Time wasn't moving fast enough. I was nervous, and when I was nervous, I need movement. Waiting was eternal.

Tomas appeared in the corridor with a Viking hat and a plastic axe. I never tried D&D, but it seems interesting. How simple my life would be if my decision to make 'more teenager things' had been to play a role with Tomas.

"Do you go yet?" I asked him.

"Yes, the game will start in thirty minutes. I see that you don't go yet. I know Elene, she won't be ready until nine."

I sighed, "I don't want to wait so long. I will walk."

"But Lee's house is so far,"

"Not so far, I guess that it was three kilometers."

"Can you speak to me like a normal person?" it's funny that he thought the miles were 'normal'.

"Over one point eight miles," I said.

"It's too, besides you'd have to walk alone through the woods. It's more lit if you wait for Elene. Well, I'm dipping, see you later." He went downstairs.

Then Elena went out of the bathroom with a bathrobe. "Elena, I go yet. See you there?"

"Sure, send me the location. I see you later," and she gets in his room. She didn't look concerned about my solo hike.

I was listening to music on my phone until I arrived. The ride was over in a flash, especially because I used my powers to be faster. Sometimes, it's really hard to control these things. It's not my fault that people can't hit 15 km/h easily.

When I saw Lee's house, well, house is not the word, it's more like a mansion. I had heard that Jackson's parents had money, but I didn't imagine they have money at this level.

In the driveway was the friend of Jackson who was with him in the cinema. He was in a white pickup trying to down some beer barrels. I still didn't remember his name, but I was sure that we went to biology together.

"Do you need help?" I asked him

"Yes, thanks Dylan," shit he remembered my name. I looked at his face but nothing.

He picks up two barrels with difficulty. It was clear that he goes to the gym. His arm was like my leg, and I don't have thin legs.

He wasn't a heartthrob exactly; his hair was excessively engomido and his round face didn't help. His body on another side; although muscular isn't the type of body that girls love, it's the men's idea about the body that the girls love it. But, for some reason which I don't know what it's, I was hotter every time he flexed his biceps.

"Where do the barrels go?" I asked.

"It's a lot of weight, you take only one," I wasn't aware of his words; I was absorbed in my own thinking about other things about him. I took two barrels easily, and he stared surprised.

"What? I make something wrong." I asked, still didn't understand the situation.

"Not, it's, wow, you're stronger than you appear it,"

I had to make it look like I was lifting heavy loads. I always forget about which are my real physical capacities and which must be my capacities like a normal 16-years teen.

"Don't judge a book by its cover," I tried to muddle through.

"I see. Do you go to the gym?" we carried on our path.

"Nah, I'm doing my own exercise thing. You know, push-ups, running, sit-ups."

I wished that he didn't ask more, because I haven't made exercise out of PE class ever. And for me, PE is more like a theater class. My good form is mainly due to my powers. The benefit of your power can turn your caloric surplus into other things that it's not fat in an easy way is an extremely healthy and muscular body.

"By the way, why do you come?"

I didn't understand the question, he was there. "Jackson invited me."

"Yes, I know, but this's the fourth time that we invited you to our parties and you never come."

'Our parties', of course, 'our parties', he was Jackson's big brother, Percival. We went to Englis together. "I don't remember other invitations, Percival"

"Call me Percy; only my grandmother calls me Percival. And yes, for example, I invited you to another party for my birthday one month ago when we were in math class," okay, I perhaps have a problem remembering people and remembering classes. Maybe I need to speak with my psychologist about it.

"Well, parties aren't my thing. You know, a lot of people, noise, alcohol..."

"Then, what is your thing?"

I didn't know what to say; fortunately, we arrived at the backyard where Jackson was juggling fire with his hands while two girls were looking closely.

I wasn't moved, the fire powers are common between HEA, and although the flames were blue, this's less common. Anyway, my powers are rarer and more impressive, although it's not a competition. But if it was, I would win.

He said bye to the girls and came to help us out. He took one of my barrels, although I think that Percey needed more help than me.

"Hi, Dylan," he started to look around while we carried the barrels to the table. "How are you?"

"Great. If you're searching for my cousin, she arrived later," he made a disappointed face

"and so?"

"She was going to take an hour to be ready, and I don't have patience."

"I feel ya, bro. I have the same problem with Percy, he needs a lot of time to get pretty; for this reason, we prefer to organize the parties." He said trying to be funny.

"You're a real comedian," Percy said with a sarcastic tone. He left the barrels on the table and help me with mine. Then he went to the house.

"Well, we go prepare some things for the party. Enjoy it. See you later." Jackson said while following his brother. "Percy wait."

I took advantage of the situation and had a quick peek at Percy's back. At this moment I remembered the reason why I went to the party. And I felt guilty, I don't have to think of other people. After screwing up with Victoria, I should have learned my lesson.

[hotch-stufff]

Kiss The Girl

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Warnings!: angst, pining(lots of it), crying, arguing, but a fluffy ending, like super fluffy ending :)

Word Count: 3.7k words

Description: Hotch tries to deny it, but he's madly in love with you. He keeps getting this urge to just kiss you. Could it really be that easy?

A/N: not really sure what this is, but I was listening to that new cover of kiss the girl by Brent Morgan and I really wanted wrote this. It definitely took a turn i was not expecting, but I hope you guys love it as much as I do. :)

*Based off the song "Kiss the Girl"*

--------------

He loved you. It was no secret.

Everyone knew, everyone except maybe him.

Or maybe he did know, but he refused to accept it. He couldn't love you. It was wrong. But if it was wrong, why on earth did it feel so good?

There, you see her, Sitting there, across the way

She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her

He wasn't the best at sharing his feelings. He was good at locking them away, and throwing away the key. But you, you made that hard.

There was just something about you. It drew him in, and he was hooked.

Maybe it was the way you giggled when you were nervous. Or maybe it was the blush that tinted your cheeks when someone gave you a compliment. Maybe it was the way you showed Hotch the happiness he needed in his darkest times.

He wasn't sure, but he knew you were special. He was sure he knew exactly when these feelings had started. It was the night of Rossi's Christmas party.

You sat on Rossi's couch, laughing along with Morgan and Prentiss. They had made some very very inappropriate joke, that you just thought was hilarious. 

"Okay, h-hang on. I need a refill." You gasped out between laughs. You made your way to the kitchen, grabbing the wine before pouring yourself a glass.

"Hey." You nearly squealed as Hotch came in the room behind you.

"Jesus Hotch, could have given me a heart attack." He simply chuckled. "Yeah, laugh it up." You playfully rolled your eyes.

"I'm sorry." He tried to hide his smile.

"Yeah, you sound it." You walked towards him, giving him a soft smile as the teasing atmosphere faded. The room was empty, and you wouldn't be able to ever work up the courage again.

"Merry Christmas Hotch." You whispered as you leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. You pulled back, gave him a small smile, and walked back to the living room.

Aaron stood there, shocked. 

Why had you don't that? Why had he liked it? Would you do it again?

The questions repeated in his head, over and over. And he realised that a peck on the cheek wouldn't be enough. 

He needed a kiss, a real kiss. Even just one from you and he would be satisfied for life. But that, was an impossible dream. Or, so he thought.

And you don't know why, but you're dyin' to try

You wanna kiss the girl

Months had passed since then and he still hadn't gotten another kiss from you. 

You two had grown increasingly close however. You were practically inseparable. Always at one of your houses, talking, watching movies, eating. You name it.

Although watching movies was usually with Jack, and currently he was stuck on repeating the Little Mermaid.

"Miss Y/n?" He asked one night.

"Yes Jackers?" You asked, looking down at the small boy.

"Can we please, watch the little mermaid with daddy?" He begged. He used those puppy dog eyes and you were sold.

"Of course we can." You heard a chuckle come from behind you and you whipped around.

"Didn take you long to give in, huh?" Hotch questioned, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Oh shut it Hotchner. Go get the popcorn." He laughed and shook his head before walking to the kitchen.

Soon you found yourself wrapped up with the Hotcner boys. Jack was curled up on your lap, his face buried in your neck as he fell asleep.

As you and Hotch watched the movie, he snuck glances every couple of minutes. He couldn't get over how beautiful you looked. 

And you were holding his son, loving him like he could be your own. It filled Hotch's heart with love and affection.

And then that song began playing softly in the background

Yes, you want her

Look at her, you know you do

The lyrics spoke a truth that Hotch was desperately trying to avoid. 

But he didn't know how much longer he could go without telling you. In the moment he couldn't remember why he hadn't told you already.

Possible she wants you too, there is one way to ask her

It don't take a word, not a single word

Go on and kiss the girl

All he wanted to do was reach over and bring you into a kiss. Just a simple kiss. 

Just to feel your lips move together. Just for a second. He almost did. You had turned to look at him, and he leaned in slightly. His hand raising. 

But the shrill sound of his phone broke the trance. His hand receded before you could grab it. And he didn't kiss you.

You were filled with a disappointment that you couldn't explain. 

Sha-la-la-la-la-la, my, oh, my, look like the boy too shy, He ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la, ain't that sad? Ain't it a shame? Too bad, He gonna miss the girl

The music of the movie faded as a grim look replaced the carefree one on Hotch's face. 

"We'll be right in." He muttered out the words with disdain, sending you an apologetic look.

But you barely noticed, you were still trying to calm down the beating of your heart.

He was going to kiss you.

Did he feel the same way that you did?

All thoughts left your mind though as you felt Jack wake in your arms.

"Hey buddy." He looked up at you with the eyes he shared with his father.

"Do you have to leave?" Your heart broke a little bit at his questions.

"Yeah, bud. I'm sorry." He just smiled at you and burrows further into your chest.

"Its 'kay." He mumbled sleepily. "But we have to wait till Aunt Jess gets here so we can keep cuddling." Your heart swelled and your face lit up. Hotch was staring at the two of you, in awe. His son loved you so much. 

You looked over at him, a tear in your eye. He swallowed as he pushed his feelings aside, giving you a soft smile before getting up to get dressed.

He was screwed.

A couple cases later, and you were holed up in a precinct, everyone nearly falling asleep.

It was a bad case, a really bad case. And you were running out of time. The unsubs' latest victim only had about a day left.

But nobody could work if they were falling asleep. Eventually Hotch sighed and told everyone it was time to head to the hotel.

But of course, once there, there were only 4 rooms.

"I'm taking my own room. I'm old." Rossi said and grabbed the key before anyone could argue.

"C'mon pretty boy." Morgan grabbed another key, and walked off with spence.

"I'll go with Jj. Y/l/n, you good with Hotch?" Your face went bright red at Prentiss's words. But you nodded, looking anywhere but at Hotch. You couldn't say no, it would be too obvious.

"Y-yeah, that's fine." You all trudged to the elevator, Emily and Jj said goodnight and walked off once you reached your floor. You and Hotch walked in silence down the hall to the very last room.

He swung the door open, and you had to stop yourself from gasping. There was only one bed.

"I'll uh, I'll take the floor." You scrunched your nose at Hotch's offer and he couldn't deny how adorable you looked.

"Hotch, no. That will kill your back." You shook your head. "We can share. We're both adults, it's fine." You're not sure if you're convincing yourself or him. He just nods and gives a soft okay.

"Do you want the first shower?" He asked. 

"Um, no. I shower in the mornings." He nodded before walking into the bathroom.

Why was this so awkward? You guys were such good friends, this shouldn't be so weird. 

You pushed the thought aside before crawling into the bed and curling up.

Hotch walked out of the bathroom 10 minutes later in nothing but a towel.

Your eyes grew and you couldn't take your eyes off of him. He cleared his throat, and you looked up at his eyes.

"Uh sorry, forgot my bag." You nodded, looking away quickly. Too scared to speak. He quickly went back into the bathroom.

"Get a hold of yourself." You whispered to yourself. You weren't going to survive this case if he did that again. He joined you in bed soon after getting dressed.

Neither of you spoke, neither of you moved, neither of you breathed. It was completely silent.

After about 20 minutes of silence and trying desperately to fall asleep you spoke up.

"Hotch?" 

"Yeah?" His voice was hoarse.

"Um, I can't sleep." You turned towards him and he did the same.

"Neither can I." You sighed.

"How's Jack?" You asked, trying to bring up the mood, or to at least get rid of the awkwardness. It seemed to work because his face lit up at the mention of his son.

"He's good. He actually just asked if you could come over soon. He got an A plus on his spelling test that you helped him study for and he really wants to show you." You smiled as you listened.

"That's great! He was so nervous for that test." 

"Yeah, thank you Y/n for helping him." You grabbed his hand, squeezing gently.

"Of course Hotch. I love Jack." You muttered, and you fell into silence again.

But it was more content, more peaceful. Your hands stayed laced together, and Hotch's mind went blank as you started leaning closer.

Now's your moment

Floating in a blue lagoon

Boy, you better do it soon, no time will be better

He started leaning in, his hand moved from your own to cup your face. But something switched in his mind. What was he doing? This was wrong. He couldn't let this happen. 

Your faces were inches apart when he pulled his hand away and scooted backwards slightly.

Look like the boy too shy

He ain't gonna kiss the girl

Your face fell, and his heart squeezed painfully.

"Um, we should go to bed." You were so confused. You thought that was it. It was perfect. He, he pulled away though. Why had he pulled away?

You could almost physically see his walls being built up.

Walls you had spent so much time breaking down.

"Oh, um. O-okay." You stuttered out, pulling back  quickly.

"Goodnight Y/n." He said softly, but you didn't respond. You were too scared you would cry if you did. 

You fell asleep faster than you anticipated, but maybe you were just that tired. 

He was gone when you woke up.

You thought everything might just go back to the way it was after that night.

But boy were you wrong. Hotch had completely pulled away from you.

No longer did he invite you over, or invite you to do paperwork in his office with him

You didn't watch movies, or go out to eat, or even talk about anything other than work. It was hell.

You tried, you really tried to get him to open up again, but it just didn't work. Nothing did.

It was to the point where he would be almost rude to you. 

The team was beginning to notice. And you couldn't hold back any longer. It was killing you.

You needed to talk to him, past this wall he had put up. You needed to know why he was pushing you away. You walked up to his door, knocking on the door.

"Come in." He said softly. You walked in, and his eyes stayed trained on the paperwork in front of him.

"Hotch?" He still didn't look up.

"How can I help you Agent Y/l/n?" He asked, his voice not wavering from professionalism. You shut the door behind you and walked forward, sitting in one of the chairs.

"We need to talk." He was taken aback slightly by the determination in your voice, but he sighed before setting down his pen.

"What is it?" He sounded almost annoyed, which just made you angrier.

"What the hell is going on?" You didn't mean to be so rude about it, but you needed to know.

"Excuse me?" 

"Seriously Hotch, we went from talking almost every day, to not speaking unless it has something to do with work."

"Y/l/n…" he went to stop you.

"No. Hotch please. I don't know what I did." You begged. "I mean you can't even use my name anymore." You whispered.

"This is very unprofessional." he wasn't breaking.

"Please Aaron. Don't lie to me." You tried his first name, and he had never loved his name being spoken more than when you said it. But he had to stop this.

"Agent Y/l/n. I'm sorry if our friendship was confus-" but you cut him off.

"We weren't just friends. You know that and I know that." He had the audacity to look confused. But he knew exactly what you were talking about.

Don't try to hide it how, You wanna kiss the girl

"Please Aaron, don't pretend, not with me."

"Agent Y/l/n! That's enough!" His voice was rising. 

He didn't understand why you couldn't just let it go.

"No it's not. I love you Aaron, I'm sorry. But I do. And it hurts so much that you are pushing me away!" Your eyes filled with tears and Hotch stood there, awed that you felt this way. But he couldn't let you in. So he took that final heartbreaking step.

"I don't love you." He whispered out. You had been standing and you took a staggering step backwards. 

"What?" Your voice was small.

"I don't love you Y/n." The lie was tearing him apart. Why was he doing this again?

Tears began falling down your face. You were upset and mad and heartbroken. And you were embarrassed that this man had this much of a hold on you.

"Fine." You sniffed. "If that's how you feel Agent Hotchner." He missed the way you said Aaron and flinched at the formal title. But this was what he wanted. "I apologize for the unprofessionalism." You turned to leave, but stopped when he spoke.

"Y/n…" His voice was small, strained. You wiped away your tears. When you looked back, his eyes were glossy.

But he didn't say anything else and you kept walking, slamming the door behind you. The bullpen silenced and everyone stared at you.

It was humiliating, but you walked to Rossi's office, your head held high.

"Rossi?" 

"Y/l/n, what's wrong?" He asked, like he hadn't heard the conversation through his shared wall with Hotch. 

"Can you please tell Hotch that I'm sick and I won't be in for a while?" Your voice wavered slightly, but you ignored it.

"Y/n-" he started, but you didn't feel like talking.

"Please Rossi?" You begged, praying he would just say yes so you could leave.

"Yes, of course." You nodded and thanked him before leaving. You slipped down to your desk and grabbed your bag. 

You didn't see Hotch standing in the doorway of his office, watching you as you left, tears silently slipping down your face.

Your teammates asked what was happening, but you just waved them off and left.

They all turned to Hotch, but he was already back in his office, his door slamming for the second time that day.

You wanna kiss the girl

A week passed, and you hadn't come back to work yet. Hotch wasn't sure what to do with himself. He hated what he did.

The team was confused, Rossi kept sending him angry glances, and your empty desk was haunting him.

And then, Jack asked that question. The question that broke him just a little more.

"Why doesn't Miss Y/n come over anymore daddy?" He had asked one night at dinner.

He didn't know how to answer. "Does she not love us anymore?" His eyes were big and glossy like he was going to cry. He decided not to lie to his son.

"Daddy made a mistake and Miss Y/n is just a little sad right now." Jack didn't understand what was happening, but he wanted to help fix it. His dad had been so sad these past couple of weeks and it made him sad. 

"Daddy, you have to say sorry! And you have to do what the song says!" Hotch looked at his son confused. What song?

"What song buddy?" He asked, pulling his son into his lap.

"You know, you have to kiss the girl!" He giggled like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"The little mermaid song?" He asked, smiling at his son's innocence. 

"Yes, remember, you and Y/n were sitting on the couch before you left for work, and you were going to kiss her!" Hotch looks shocked, Jack was awake for that?

"Um, buddy. Me and Y/n aren't together." He sighed as his son deflated.

"But why? You love her. And she loves you." He spoke, confused as to what was happening.

"Um.." Hotch drew a blank. He couldn't give this little boy an answer. Not when it was his fault. Not when he was the one that had said no. 

It was a mistake, a huge mistake. He should have just told you.  Why hadn't he?

He should have kissed you.

The first time, or the second time. He should have told you that he loved you too. Was it too late? 

"Um, buddy, you know what? It's time for bed." Hotch put his son to sleep and called Rossi, asking him to come over.

He prayed he wasn't too late. Rossi showed up at his door 20 minutes later.

"Hotch-" but he knew.

"I know, I'm an idiot. But I have to go tell her I love her too." He was rushing, grabbing his keys.

"Atta boy Aaron." Was all Rossi said as Hotch ran out the door, jumping in his car.

He was sure he was going faster than the speed limit, but he couldn't care less. He needed to see you, and to be with you. To tell you that he loved you.

His car was barely parked when he jumped out and ran up to your door, banging on it.

You heard the noise wondering who would come over so late. You were shocked to find Hotch there as you opened the door.

There, you see her, Sitting there, across the way

She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her

"Y/n." Was all he said. You slammed the door in his face.  He began banging his fist in the door and you threw it open, again.

"Leave Hotch." 

"Please, Y/n, just hear me out." He begged. You hesitated, but moved to the side letting him in. You shut the door softly.

Yes, you want her, Look at her, you know you do

Possible she wants you too, there is one way to ask her

"What do you want, Hotch? What more could you possibly want?" He shook his head, holding his tears at bay.

"Aaron." He spoke quietly.

"What?" 

"Please, it's Aaron." 

"Agent Hotchner. You need to leave." But he didn't leave. He stood there and stared at you. 

"I'm so sorry Y/n." 

"Hotch, seriously, I can't do this. I can't." You tried to keep those tears in, you were tired of crying over him, but there was no point. You felt then slip down your face.

Words weren't working, he had already said enough. But he remembered Jacks words. 

The song.

Now's your moment, Boy, you better do it soon, no time will be better

She don't say a word and she won't say a word, Until you kiss the girl

He stepped forward and brought his hand up to your face. He leaned in slowly, and brought your lips to his. 

Your heart stopped, and you kissed him back desperately. You had wanted this for so long. You had waited for so. Damn. Long.

"Your so stupid." You murmured against his lips. He pulled away gasping for air.

"I know" his voice was beautiful.

You've gotta kiss the girl, Go on and kiss the girl

He leaned in again, kissing you like his life depended on it. He gently ran his thumb across your cheek as he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you forward. He broke away a moment later.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I was an idiot. I love you." A tear escaped his eye, and you brushed it away. "I dont expect you to forgive me. I wouldn't forgive me if I was you. I was awful, and I never should have lied and said I didn't love you too. I shouldn't have pushed you away."

"Why did you?" He hesitated, he wasn't sure you would understand.

"The last time I let someone in my heart, she left. And then she got hurt because of me. I couldn't risk that happening to you." He shook his head.

"Oh Aaron. I'm not leaving. I don't ever want to leave you. I love you too much to leave." You paused. "And you can't hide and be scared to open your heart. Its okay to let people in." You added softly and he gave you a smile.

You both stood there in blissful peace, your foreheads touching. He chuckled and you looked at him confused.

"What?"

"I kissed the girl." You just grew more confused.

"What are you talking about?" You asked humor in your voice.

"The song. Jack said I had to do what the little mermaid song said." You understood then and began giggling. 

"Maybe, maybe you should do it again." You suggested, a smile on your face.

"Hmm, maybe I should." And he leaned in again for another breathtaking kiss.

.....................

"And that is how me and your dad got together." Your three kids sat in front of you listening in awe. 

"Wow, so Jack is why he finally told you he loved you?" Your middle child, Tommy asked. Jack laughed as he stood up, tapping your shoulder as he towered over you. 

"You could say that." Aaron said from the doorway, you turned, smiling at your husband. 

"Yeah, sure." You giggled and ruffled Jack's hair as you picked up your nine year old daughter, Jenna. Who, in all honesty, was almost too big to be picked up.

"Mommy, can you tell us that story every night?" She asked, and you smiled. 

"Of course I can sweat pea. But now, its bed time." You tucked in your kids, giving them each a kiss on the forehead before joining your husband in your room.

You plopped on the bed and curled up into his side.

"Hi sweetheart." He greeted you with a kiss, and he pulled you into his side. "You know, you didn't need to make me sound so…" he couldn't quite find the word.

"Stupid? Clueless? Dumb?" You asked, giggling as he began digging his fingers into your side, tickling you. 

"St-stop. Aaron!" You shrieked and he let up, but not before plopping on top of you. He began peppering kisses all over your face.

"I'm glad you finally told that story. Jenna has been begging for weeks" Your youngest had watched the little mermaid a couple of weeks ago and Jack had made a comment about one of the songs. Jenna had heard one word and was begging for us to tell her our "falling in love story", as she put it. 

You had finally given in and told them, and they had loved every moment of it. Jack of course had already known, having witnessed it. 

But Jenna and Tommy had loved hearing how their parents had fallen in love. 

And a week later when you walked in the living room you were filled with a sense of nostalgia as you saw Jack with Jenna in his lap, as Tommy and Aaron sat on the couch next to them. Watching, of course, the little mermaid. You plopped next to Aaron, smiling. 

As Kiss The Girl started playing.

--------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[jjheejz]

What is Fate?

[Part 5/5] WOH concert and after

WOH Concert (3-4 May 2021)

- The fact that they even have a grand scale wedding ceremony drama concert

- GJ did not attend ZZH's first solo concert, but both of them have their own concert together for the first time

- Chinese have a traditional tradition of calculating auspicious dates (metaphysics). It can be calculated commonly for when to move in to a new house, bury a deceased, open a business, hold a wedding etc. 3 - 4 May were auspicious dates for Wedding and marriage registration.

- The concert was held at a stadium in Su Zhou, but the entire city was blatantly supporting everything and anything about WenZhou like it's New Year's Eve. Eg. Building, helicopter banners, bus advertising, drone show, lantern display, subway endorsement, city's official account using WOH quotes applying to safety regulations, curated photo booths, life sized figurine of WenZhou (YouKu kept it as prideful display at their office entrance after the concert), crowds of fan support and cheers etc.

Drone show snippet:

- Both of them were given the center of attention for the entire 2 days of WOH concert. It was WenZhou/JunZhe concert in disguise as WOH concert.

= This gave them both the opportunity to show what they feel for each other openly (whether as WenZhou themselves or as JunZhe)

- To have a stage to be what they are* and have fun, while being accepted and greatly supported by a sea of Mountain people (山人), no matter how one sees it, it's an extremely touching form of support for them

*Disclaimer: obviously they weren't 100% themselves, mindful of the fact that this stage was monitored by important media bodies (not exactly sure what kind, but somewhat government-ish regulators I presume), but their gaze and body language is just as natural as what they are.

= The fact that the country in general is not open to this kind of relationship, yet they were in a place where most of the people were supportive.

- Yes, there were some important bodies (or eyes) during the 2 days concert. Which was why all the actors and actresses were warned. For whatever reason they chose to continue in their own way, it's daring consensus of support. And for whatever reason the regulators didn't do anything (there weren't any big news at all from them), is also a miracle.

- They had the opportunity to sing a duet on stage, live. For the audience, GJ's singing skills started from November 2020, ZZH likes GJ's singing, and 5 months later, they have a duet on stage.

- Official acknowledgement of cpfans

= First in history where the recognition was officially verbally mentioned in-person. You can say this fate belong to the fans.

- ZZH had the opportunity to vow a promise to GJ witnessed by X million of people in the stadium and those watching livestream, that he will always be there for GJ. He did not only vow as a companion to GJ, in ZZH terms, he actually vowed "I will love you forever" [ZZH on 'love' saga]

- The in-ear mic had the voices of the backstage crew's coordination. ZZH took it off early, but GJ was still wearing them during the exchange. That itself is a stressor as the backstage coordinator must have warned extremely sternly and loudly and GJ was shakingly nervous. When ZZH was giving this vow (which in the concert BTS release, we see him say "Don't I have a segment to speak to WKX?" Note, it's WKX, not GJ), the backstage crew was cursing and swearing when ZZH went with "I have things to say to Jun Jun." (as WenZhou, they have a disguise/a shield, with direct GJ, it's just...danger danger red light) Try imagine being the backstage crew and going all mad and crazy over what ZZH said that moment.

= ZZH's daring courage to say things like these was probably built up from his sportsmanship, hot-blooded passion from his past. It's beyond my peasant mortal's comprehension.

- Supporting Cast shenanigans and warnings for them, link here

After

- After the concert was over, solo fans expect the main leads to break up even as co-workers or say, being even in the same frame. This expectation is extremely strong in the industry for years. The same goes for JunZhe despite this time many are cpfans but they do know this prevalent expectation. So imagine crying over the vow and the next moment, just hours after the concert, JunZhe is happily sticking to each other singing in the same frame as if they did nothing big a few hours ago. They sang a phrase together with this lyrics: 30% arranged by fate/god, 70% arranged by hard work. A love for perseverance will lead to success/winning.

= Debunking expectations, breaking many years of industry's common consensus successfully. They invented after after-sales CP service.

- Stage, endorsements, film scripts, major public events, variety shows, top brands etc. Poured in, and although it's all solo events, we see traces of the other half.

- Aside from that, we now see social media exchanges (almost always for the other half), brand endorsement captions (almost always about the other half), official brands partnering with each other because of them (despite being legit competitors) etc.

- The word 'support' or at least 'love seeing them together', is the general reason CPfans are fans of them. But to both GJ and ZZH, it really goes beyond the word itself. Acknowledging is just the beginning. ZZH does take LLD to heart and GJ is very interactive with LLDs in his own quirky way.

*From the [Star X Moon Saga], to the developed feelings because of this drama and actually accepting their feelings, to the fact that the pitiful budgeted amount for WOH was not well received at all before it was broadcasted but boomed records in the end, to the open shipping support by the production crew/casts/general media/fans/brands/cities, to the climbing successes and mountainous opportunities opened for GJ and ZZH overnight, everything was unprecedented and unexpected, but they all dramatically happened to the two of them in a span of one year.

Bonus

A fan went to a temple to check out JunZhe's fate. You can only check for one person and she checked for GJ. She passed her result to a Master and he immediately tell her to give up because that person is taken and turned away. The fan quickly corrected and say she's actually checking for someone else, the master turned back and checked her read again and said, everything is aligned to their favour, it's blessed by the Gods. (If I can find the full article again, will add on more but that's the gist, surfing in China made me love Google's search engine algorithm so much more).

A few other fans who 抽签 (Chinese praying tradition - simply put: draw a stick of varying luck). They all got the bestest of luck for JunZhe. (Reading the readings, I'm just...in awe...I...)

= Borrowing the meaning of another famous novel title, to me, this is a true "Heaven's official blessing" pair.

-------End of series-------

🌻To returning readers: Updated info are in purple for your easy references!

🌸Part 1 - Before filming here

🌸Part 2 - During filming here

🌸Part 3 - After filming, before broadcast here

🌸Part 4 - Broadcast/Promotion period here

🌻Upcoming: JunZhe Saga series

🌻[Ongoing updates] Will add if I remember or found new ones - last updated 220721

🌻For long posts like this, I tend to look back for grammar and phrasing mistakes (sometimes info updates), so when you reblog for future references, do keep in mind that there may be updates in the original post! :)

[basicgrayson]

I'm 9 months on T as of February 4, so this update is super late sorry lol so first things first, the face pics:

These were taken without flash because my friend's bathroom has amazing lighting.

So here's what's going on at 9 months:

1. My face has changed. Things are looking a little more thinned out and angular lately. Hairline has almost certainly changed. Since buzzing my hair, I think it's pretty obvious.

2. Acne. Lots and lots of it. I have a lot going on in life right now, so it could be stress related, but even so it seems excessive to me lol

3. Voice dropped a teeny bit from last month I think. In addition to hearing a difference, I can also feel a difference if that makes sense? Adam's apple is still very slight though.

4. Some of my face hair (particularly around the sideburns/chin areas) has become very coarse, to the point where I wouldn't qualify it as peach fuzz anymore. My cheeks and especially my mustache have dense coverage, but the hairs are still very wispy.

5. Muscle mass seems to be the same even though I haven't worked out hardly at all. Also I think there may have been some very slight fat redistribution. My thighs and hips seem just a bit slimmer even though I've been relatively lax about my diet.

6. Stomach hair is coming in, but it's taking it's time. Seems like it's going to be all over my stomach as opposed to a neat happy trail. Butt hair seems to have surpassed stomach hair, even though they both first appeared around the same time.

7. Growth. I think it's still happening, but at a far slower pace. Most of the time I don't notice it, but every once in a while it gets a little uncomfortable, sort of like it did when I first started T.

8. Pretty sure my feet grew about a half size. Some of my shoes that used to fit just right are now uncomfortably tight.

That's about it for changes so far!

Just for fun, here's a moment of me noticing a change in my face for the first time during a vlog:

So that's what my speaking voice sounds like!

And what was I speaking about you may ask?

Top Surgery! It's happening in three days! I'm going to get my Covid test in a few hours, and once that comes back negative I'm good to go! I am incredibly nervous but also ridiculously excited!

One last note: I wanted this to be a very comprehensive update, just in case I'm not up to making a 10 month post. Once I'm post-op, I really want to focus on recovery, so I will be doing the least lol but we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, that's all for now! I'll try to post at least one more update before surgery happens. Hope y'all are doing well and staying healthy!

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Taglist:

@mustbeaweasleyginger

@rexorangecouny

@haylaansmi

@blameitonthenight21

@prettybirdi

@justanothetfangirl

@cielo1984

@bxtchboy69

@collectiveuniverses

@cm-imagines-07

@criminalmindzjunkie

@rainsong01

@70sreid​

@andiebeaword​

@arctic-duchess

@mggsprettygirl​

@thebadassbitchqueen

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

Two Ghosts

- Halloween but Drarry

" so who's this secret boyfriend of yours ?" Hermione asked as she helped put the last batch of pumpkin looking cupcakes in the oven, then dusting off her hands in the tissue.

" It's secret for a reason mione " Harry replied as he chewed on the batter then immediately threw it up on the Napkin knowing it tasted very raw.

" Mate, just tell us who it is, I'm sure we're gonna love him anyways" Ron added doing the same as Harry.

" I know but we're both just not ready to you know just meet each other's friends. It's like meeting each other's family because we grew up together and it seems like a big deal for both of us, we just need a bit of a time alright. But he is coming to the party tonight, so maybe then you can sort of see him or something " Harry explained shrugging leaning on the kitchen counter.

" I don't get it though Harry, we as families as you put it that way should know who he is and it's not like you've been dating for a couple of days or something, you've going out for 4 months and I can see it on yout face how serious it is, so just please- please let us meet him?" Hermione pretty much begged

" I don't know you guys, you lot can be a bit too much- and I don't want to overwhelm him. He- he's just sort of you know not that too much of a guy- he's silent sort of person-"

" Mate we'd be as silent as possible- we won't even speak, we'll use sign language " Ron interjected.

Harry shook his head laughing half heartedly then frowning with a little smile " I don't know-"

" Harry, we're gonna love him no matter what. We just want to know who is this special guy who lights up your life like no one ever did " Hermione quoted Harry from one of the few conversations Harry's boyfriend had been a hot topic of.

"I mean-"

" please- Please Harry, I promise I won't bite " Ron interjected again almost on the kitchen counter to beg in front of Harry.

Harry started laughing then finally nodded " Fine, I'll- just tell him that you guys really want to meet "

Hermione pumped her hand in the air as a victory and then the oven beeped.

__________________________________

" So who is it ?" Ron eagerly asked fixing his vampire teeth for the millionth time.

" I- he's- I'll go get him " Harry nervously replied.

" It's the guy in the ghost Dress right, same as yours- you guys really needed to be creative " Ron shrugged.

Harry rolled his eyes from under the white sheet with two eye Holes then informed he's gonna bring his boyfriend to meet them. He wiped his sweaty palms at the side of his sheet then promptly walked towards his boyfriend then upon reaching tapping him on his shoulder because Harry was apparently shorter than him.

" Hey- you look great- beautiful even " Harry blushed then shook his head coming to the point and leaving to reply to the compliments for later.

" Ron and Hermione wants to meet you- they've been nagging me about it all week and now that you're here they would burn holes in me if I didn't make you meet them "

"Not gonna lie- same goes for Pansy and Blaise- they've been constantly eating my head off to just meet you- but I just-"

" I'm afraid they wouldn't like you "

" me too Harry, but we had to one day " He shrugged. Harry huffed out a breath then nodded.

" are you sure you want to meet them ?"

His boyfriend nodded. Harry then nervously took his hands in his own and started walking towards Ron and Hermione.

" yours Palms are all sweaty Harry"

" Nervous " Harry replied shortly.

His boyfriend stopped them for a little, then kissed the top of Harry's head with the sheets in between " it's going to be alright "

Harry immediately blushed then took him to his friends.

" Guys- that's my boyfriend D- boyfriend " Harry told them.

He shook hands with his friend's in a nice gesture but didn't introduce himself.

" seriously Harry- We can't know his name " Hermione whined.

" I told you guys- we're just not ready " Harry pointed.

" we're really not- it's too much for us right or at least we think so but I would really love to meet you guys one day without these stupid sheets in between that I've tripped over 15 times " His boyfriend said.

" Harry's idea ?" Ron asked chewing on his cupcake.

He nodded then Ron Started telling him about the story of how previous year in Halloween Hermione dressed the couple as bunnies and Ron had collapsed on the ground three times almost losing his tooth in the process.

" glad we didn't dress up as bunnies then " they Chuckled.

" I wanted to go for this aladdin and jasmine but apparently my sweet boyfriend Harry refused to be jasmine -"

" I will never dress up as jasmine- the fake boobs were too much " harry rolled his eyes making the rest of them laugh. They talked a bit more until they decided Harry should meet his boyfriends friends too.

As they were walking off they heard Hermione say " His voice and accent was awfully familiar- as if I hear it somewhere everyday- just can't remember "

They shared a nervous and immediately fled off to his boyfriend's friends.

" So you're the best sex he's ever had- not going to lie- offended " Blaise put his hand over his chest to pretend as if he was hurt but Pansy slapped his arm and told him to shut it off.

" I was kidding of course " But Harry was blushing irresistibly. Good thing they were under sheets.

" He's just like that- I gotta say whoever you are- you put a smile on Draco's face no one's ever been able to put- like yesterday he started blushing just by me mentioning that you guys would look a cute couple dressed up as Mr. And Mrs. Smith- like- seriously and god the endless stories about how my boyfriend cooks great or how he's so amazing, my boyfriend this- my boyfriend that- I've never seen him so swooned- and you know- "

" Pansy- I think that's enough embarassment for today " Draco was furiously blushing and Harry knew it in the way he was still holding his hand but still didn't let go and clutched his hand in a soft grip to reassure that he loves this.

" Oh please- ignore him I want to know all the embarassing stories " Harry insisted laughing. They talked for a long while until Draco basically dragged them out of the conversation and took him to the photobooth, shoving him inside with not much of a push.

" Wha-" But Draco grabbed Harry's white sheet and pulled it over his head, then doing the same with his own and kissing him abruptly. Harry took it by surprise in the beginning but followed him as soon as he realised he was kissing his boyfriend and how much better now it felt to finally have his alone time with him.

" what was that for ?" Harry panted smiling.

" Just missed your lips " Draco smiled, his face and his lips all red but in a cute way.

" then do it again " and they did. They made out inside the booth for a while until they finally put the booth in use and decided to put the quarter in.

" I- really like you " Harry suddenly said. Draco Turned to him in surprise.

" I really like you and it scares me " Harry said.

Draco smiled at Harry then took his hand in his own and kissing his knuckles " if it makes it any better- I'm always scared but when I'm with you- everything is just better- like a hundred times better "

Harry smiled at Draco irresistibly then finding it impossibily hard to not kiss him so he did, softly over his lips then pressed his forehead against Draco's.

" you make my everyday better too "

And they chuckled.

" think they liked me ?"

" absolutely " Harry reassured " me ?"

" they've never liked anyone better " Draco reassured then they finally turned to face the camera and saw the shutter go off. They waited for one more but it didn't happen and finally came to the conclusion that the pictures were clicked while they had been busy kissing and adoring each other.

They took out the picture and sat there staring at their pictures that had somehow became one of the best moments captured live.

" this one's my favourite " Draco pointed in the one where Harry blushed while Draco was kissing his hand.

" Always a gentlemen " Harry chuckled. Draco chuckled then kissed him softly and decided to finally get out of the booth after having covered them back in their sheets.

" oops " Draco immediately said as he opened the curtain and there stood all their friends.

" we can explain-"

" About time " They all groaned.

Harry frowned tossing his sheets over his head " what ?"

" we'd been waiting for you two to get together for centuries " Pansy rolled her eyes. Draco too tossed his sheets over his head exactly as confused as Harry.

" really ?"

" of couse- could you two be any more perfect for each other " Hermione pointed. Harry smiled then looked at Draco.

" we don't have to hide "

Draco smiled back at Harry put his arms around his shoulder and kissing the top of his head, again in a soft gesture to convey that he was Infact very happy this happened " we don't have to hide "

They all talked off with each other complaining about their failed plans to get them together while Harry and Draco just enjoyed seeing their friends bickering with each other and it made them realise how much they loved this, a space where they could be with each other without the fear and seeing the people who mattered them the most liking each other.

" Wanna dance to Bon Jovi ?" Harry asked Draco while their friends were still bickering.

" Always " and they fled off to dance floor with their sheets put on themselves again like two ghosts enjoying themselves mimicking the electronic guitar in the bridge of the song with full enthusiasm and in those moments of laughing off while dancing they realised if there was one person they want to share all of their dances with where they play guitar in the air while everyone stared at them as if they were crazy, then they were that person for each other.

I never go extra but today's Halloween and it won't be halloween if you're not extra. Happy Halloween everyone 🎃

REQUEST OPEN/ PREVIOUS FICS

[itsdanii]

Plant Reunion (Literally)

genre: slight crack, slight fluff

warnings: nothing, just ushijima being weak for his daughters

ft. timeskip! ushijima wakatoshi

You never expected to come home to your husband wearing a giant eggplant costume

$299 had been deducted from your account

You stared at your phone with wide eyes, the wheels inside your head turning as you think back to all the stuff you bought for the last two weeks.

"Are you alright, Mrs. Ushijima?"

You turned your gaze to your driver and smiled a little. "Of course. It's just.." You paused for a moment and massaged your temples, a new headache now starting to form. "Have I bought something expensive for the past few weeks? A bag? Jewelry?"

Your driver looked at you through the rear mirror before answering. "None that I can think of unless it's something you had delivered straight to your house. Even so, the guards will inspect the delivery men beforehand for security purposes."

You nodded slowly. "Right... Then was I scammed?" you whispered out of worry.

You squinted your eyes at your driver when you noticed how he tightened his grip on the steering wheel and as if sensing your stare, he cleared his throat and focused his eyes on the road.

"Aki, what do you know?" you asked in a serious tone, almost making him flinch.

"I.."

"Speak now if you want to keep your job," you threatened.

Instead of saying anything, Aki sighed and handed you his phone, your husband's contact name present on the screen along with their exchange of messages.

Mr. Ushijima: Aki, delay my wife's arrival as much as you can

Aki: I'm afraid I can't do that unless I know the reason, sir

Mr. Ushijima: Just do as I say. The house is too messy right now and I gave the maids a vacation leave

"Oh god..." you whispered to yourself as you kept on scrolling

Mr. Ushijima: I'll increase your salary for this month

Aki: Noted, sir

"Turn around," you instructed as you gave his phone back.

Panic made its way to your driver's face upon hearing those words. "B-but ma'am, Mr. Ushijima said-"

"Thrice. I'll increase your salary thrice the price. Just turn around and drive as fast as you can back to the house."

"But your meeting..."

"Aki, turn around. Now." You crossed your arms over your chest and rose an eyebrow at him until he gave up.

Doing a U-turn, Aki changed the navigation back to your household with a nervous look.

-

"I can explain," was the first thing your husband said as soon as you stepped inside the house.

Your eyes scanned the whole living room in silence, your eyes going over the mess before you focused on your husband and the rest of the former Shiratorizawa team who are all dressed in their vegetable costumes.

Toys were littered on the floor along with several empty wrappers of candies and chocolates.

Moreover, there sitting on the floor are your two daughters together with Satori and Semi, big smiles visible on their faces with something which looks like nutella smeared on each other's cheeks.

"Room," you simply stated to your husband before making your way upstairs with him following you like a lost puppy.

"My love-"

"Not a word, Wakatoshi."

Your husband could only gulp before looking downstairs, only to see the rest of the team giving him a sympathetic smile.

The moment you both reached your shared bedroom, you locked the door and faced him with your arms crossed over chest.

"Ushijima Wakatoshi, care to explain why I received an email stating that $299 had been deducted from my account, why you tried to delay my arrival, almost bribed Aki and gave all the maids a vacation break? On top of that, the first thing I saw when I came home are you, my daughters and the rest of the team all dressed in giant vegetable costumes?!"

You stared at your husband as he tried forming the right words, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"You're even dressed like an eggplant," you muttered as you sat yourself on your bed out of stress.

"My two princess were crying when you left and I found out that the team was planning to give us a visit so I gave Satori your card to buy some vegetable costumes," Wakatoshi explained in a tiny voice and walked over to your figure.

He rested his head on your shoulder, burrying his face to the side of your neck like a puppy. "Sorry, my love."

You sighed and placed a hand on the back of his head to run your fingers gently through his hair. "You could've just bought them a new doll house or something. Why did you have to waste such amount of money just for that ugly vegetable costume?"

"Mirei wanted a life sized eggplant and Nanami wanted a giant tomato." Ushijima lifted his head to look at you with a pleading expression. "I just wanted our princesses to be happy."

"Alright, but promise me that next time, you'll consult me first. 'Toshi, I know that you have more than enough money but $299 dollars just for vegetable costumes? And Satori doesn't even look like a tomato."

Ushijima nodded, taking your hand in his to place a kiss on your palm. "I promise. I'm forgiven, right?"

"Yes, you are. You're lucky I love you."

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

an: im halfway done with the part 4 of rejecting you and regretting it when this idea came to mind 😭

[eurynome827]

HBC Week of Love for @the-ss-horniest-book-club with Barista!Bucky and Boss Lady in...

First Sleepover

My blogs are 18+ spaces always. This story contains: some angst regarding past injuries, big emotions, soft (and vague, nearly non-existent) smut.

Week of Love - Barista!Bucky Masterlist

It was months before Bucky visited your apartment, and you had still not seen where he lived.

"It's just some walls and some furniture, doll," he would say, with a smile but there was a distant look in his eyes that would appear when topics like this came up. His past service, his injury, where he lived - which you knew was a place the VA helped him find - "You have this beautiful place, in this great neighborhood, with a doorman! I like knowing my best girl is safe."

You didn't press him for details. On anything.

Bucky would come over and he would cook with you in your kitchen, snuggle on the couch watching tv, maybe get a little heated making out like teenagers without the prying eyes of the buddies at Howlie's. But he never went too far, and you didn't push him. It had been a long time for both of you.

He would always go home promptly at 10 PM, whether he was taking you in a cab back to your place from Howlie's or leaving your apartment. "Work at 4:30, babe." He always said it with an apologetic smile, and you always kissed him softly in return.

You started to adjust to his schedule in subtle ways. Instead of staying up after he left, you would get ready for bed and wait until his good night text popped up when he had arrived home. Your body would wake you up right before his good morning text, and you would answer him with a smile. Instead of staying up late catching up on work, you would do it in the morning as the sun came up, trading texts with Bucky until the coffeehouse opened and then it was just a matter of time before you were there too, picking up your coffee.

This routine was becoming so comfortable that when Bucky mentioned he had the weekend off, it almost confused you.

"Really? But, how? Who will work?"

"I'm not the only employee," he laughed, his nose scrunching as you looked on, still puzzled. "I have enough time saved up to take three days in a row. I never really bothered with time off before, because I didn't have a reason to take it."

You looked down at his thumb rubbing your knuckles before you met his eyes with a grin. "Wanna stay over tomorrow?"

That look was in his eyes for a moment, but then you saw him swallow hard, and nod. "Yeah."

"Hey," you made your voice quiet and reassuring. "You don't have to, there's no rush."

"No, I want to," he assured you, "but there's some things you should know. I, uh, don't always sleep very well."

"Okay," you nodded, squeezing his hand in yours, "that's okay. I'll stay up with you."

"You don't have to, doll, we'll figure it out, I just wanted you to know. That's all," he smiled, putting his other hand on top of yours.

"You said 'things', is there something else you want to tell me?"

"Uh..." Bucky lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. "Maybe. I'll tell you, if it comes up."

You took a deep breath, and gave him an encouraging smile. "Of course. I'll be ready to hear it. Whatever it is."

☕

It was a night like any other, except for the bag he had put in your bedroom when he arrived. Even so, it was easy to forget about it as the clock numbers switched over from 9:59 to 10:00, and you straightened up on the couch to accept your good night kiss.

"Doll?" He looked over at you, quizzical grin on his face.

"Oh, right!" You giggled, shaking your head as you settled back under his arm, resting your head on his chest. "I forgot."

"We are creatures of habit now, aren't we," he agreed, speaking softly as he rubbed your back.

You hummed in return, cuddling a little closer. "I usually get ready for bed when you leave, so I may get sleepy soon."

"Well we can go, do that, and lie down, if you want."

His heartbeat was speeding up under your cheek and you weren't sure if he was nervous or excited or maybe both. Feeling a bit of the same, you made sure your face was neutral as you looked up at him. "Only if you're ready. I meant what I said, Bucky. I'll stay up with you, we don't even have to go in the room if you don't want to -"

Bucky cut you off with a kiss, and you melted into him. "Hey. I'm okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's get ready for bed."

Bucky used the bathroom while you pulled pajamas out of your dresser drawer, heart really pounding now. Of course you wanted something to happen, did you ever want something to happen, but his well-being was the most important thing to you. It would be enough to just be here with him and have him here in the morning when you woke up.

His hands on your shoulders interrupted your internal monologue and you turned to smile up at him, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "I'll go get ready, and then we can get tucked in?"

"You bet, doll," his voice sounded calm, his eyes looked clear, and you smiled in return, leaving the room to get ready. When you crawled up next to him on the bed a few minutes later, he was already under the comforter and holding it up for you to scoot under next to him. He arranged the ends of the blanket over you and you sighed happily, the flannel of his pajama pants rubbing against your legs, bare from your shorts. Looking at each other with your heads on separate pillows, you giggled.

"This is nice."

"It is," he agreed, waiting a moment before moving a little closer to kiss you softly. "Good night, babydoll."

Your eyes fluttered open, and seeing him still so close to you in the low light of your bedroom made your breath catch. "Good night," you whispered, taking another shaky breath, before he moved in closer again and you met him halfway, your lips meeting his in a fevered kiss as your hands held him tight. You opened up to him, and his tongue stroked yours softly before he settled more firmly over you with a low growl from his throat that made you ache where you desperately needed him.

"Bucky," you breathed out, pulling on his shoulders and widening you legs to make room for him to get closer - you needed him closer, much closer. The kisses grew more passionate until you rolled your hips against his and he suddenly stopped, pulling back to sit up.

You blinked, trying to clear your head of the fog of lust. "I'm sorry," you blurted out, "I didn't mean to push -"

"No, baby, no," he stopped you, hands moving to rub your legs gently. "I want this, I want you, I just need a minute." Instead of the distance in his eyes this time there was a storm, and you sat up, taking his face in your hands, holding his gaze.

"I'll give you all the time you need. I love you, Bucky."

He drew in a shaky breath. "No one's seen..." His voice trailed off, his eyes glancing almost unconsciously to his left side. Immediately you knew. His injury. You cupped his cheek, your other hand pushing his hair back from his face.

"I love you, Bucky. All of you. No matter what."

His shining eyes searched out yours, and when he leaned forward you let him lead the kiss, your hands running down over his chest and feeling the muscles underneath and him trembling under your touch. You fingered the hem of his t-shirt and let him draw back, waiting for the permission in his eyes before you pulled it up and over his head.

His left shoulder and part of his arm was a tapestry of scarring, a part of his trauma carried forward that he lived with daily. His eyes fell a little as you looked, as you saw him for the first time, but you moved forward to trace the angry lines with your fingers before pressing soft kisses along the meanest looking places. Bucky's breath was coming fast now, his heart pounding under your palm, and the darkness of lust had filled his eyes when you looked up.

"I need you." His hands moved you back gently, making quick work of your pajamas as you watched.

"Yes," you urged him on, watching as his own pants were cast aside. "You're beautiful, Bucky."

He settled in close to you, kissing you again as you drew him in. "I love all of you," he repeated your words back to you, sinking inside slowly as you whimpered.

"I love all of you," you promised.

☕

In the morning, you expected the bed to be empty, since he had warned you about being awake most of the night, but Bucky was there wrapped around you under the blankets. His warm breath tickled your skin, deep and even and peaceful. After a few moments, he woke and pulled you impossibly closer, gifting you with a sleepy chuckle in your ear and a "good morning" - in person instead of by text.

You rolled to face him, brushing his hair back like you loved to do. "Good morning," you smiled but asked the question, "are you okay?"

Bucky kissed you, soft and sweet. "I haven't slept through the night in a long time."

[harryswatermelonsegment]

Pool Party

Pairing: Reader/Harry Styles

Rating: R, text book smut

Word Count: 5k 😳

Warnings: Slight sub/dom tones I guess? & alcohol consumption

A/N: Sorry this is late, life somewhat resuming here in the UK so it means I’m back at my job. I managed to fall asleep mid edit folks 😳, this is my entry for the @helladirections Summer Feeling Fic Challenge, with the prompt “pool party” click the link for the masterlist. I’m still writing two more, one for @berrynarrybanana ‘s Sex Bucketlist Challenge but it’s turning out to be a 20k slow burn I wasn’t expecting 😬.Oops. But enjoy this one, I’m proud of her. My one other blatant thirst fic can be found here. Reblogs get free gratitude for the next 5 years 🍉💕

You'd been friends with Jeff since your teens, when his parents (despite their wealth), wanted him to get a job at the restaurant you worked at. In their rightful thinking, they wanted him to learn you had to work from the ground up.

Despite your clearly different class background you found a ton of common interests making the whole thing immaterial. He was a caring, down to earth guy and you were both people who really enjoyed sarcastically taunting each other every shift. You'd got used to visiting his house in the hills even though you'd been scared to get lost at first around his parents large house. Becoming solid friends quickly, you'd managed to keep in touch, as much as adult life would now allow anyway.

You knew his main role was managing a pop star but you'd not caught up in a minute and when you did, you kept your job chat out of the conversation where you could. This is why, as you barge through the kitchen, to the pool outside, you're shocked to nearly knock a stunned Harry Styles onto his behind.

"Fuck, shit I'm so sorry" you clutch your chest looking at the red wine on his tank top and his now empty glass. The soiled garment was tucked into some dressy shorts and partly covered by a loud hawaiian patterned shirt. Oh god what had you done?

You were quite honestly mortified. You'd never actually met the man himself, usually meeting Jeff at his for a few drinks or at a restaurant. You'd heard him mentioned in stories about travelling or how his campaigns were running Jeff into the ground with meetings. So, although you weren't a massive fan of his per se, in the way you didn't ask Jeff for updates or info, the way you'd hope you'd meet the attractive pop star was definitely not this.

He looked down at the offending stain then back up into your eyes, keeping his head angled down and blinking through his lashes. You couldn't read his blank expression and it put you on edge.

Maybe it was the heat trapped in the doorway, but as your eyes stayed locked you suddenly felt a fire spread from your navel up to your cheeks, and then from your center down to your toes. Your lower stomach clenched as you stared back at the guy covered in a good 2007 French rouge.

Fuck me he's pretty, you thought.

A rapid film reel of moments; sweaty bodies, those large biceps holding you against the nearest wall, smacking of lips against skin and moans of release flashed in your brain.

It had definitely been a while since you had got laid in your defense, your mood and pent up sexual frustration getting worse by the day as you tried and failed at the L. A. dating scene. Maybe you were picky, but horny and picky was an awful place to be.

However, the reality of the embarrassing scene you were currently a star of, flipped you back into the present.

Seemingly over the initial incident and hopefully not a mind reader to your thirsty brain, he takes you in and smirks.

Harry knew from the way your breathing hitched looking at his torso that you were at least a bit interested. He had clocked you the second you walked in through the big glass doors. A shirt of a band he liked and a natural beauty he wanted to spend some times with you he pondered. Ideally naked.

Zig zagging across the world promoting the album and had left little time to enjoy another person. Status and obligation to his job making it hard to just go out and meet someone. But here you were, dressed unlike anyone else, looking absolutely adorable in your embarrassment. You must be trustworthy if you're in Jeff's home,he wasn't a "bring your friends too" kind of host with his clients usually around.

This could be a fun evening for you both, he thought. Something unspoken, almost magnetic, drawing you both to one another. Surely that wasn't all his side right?

"I was told it was a good year, but I wasn't planning on consuming it quite this way?" inwardly he rolled his eyes at the barely there quip. But you laughed anyway.

"I am so, so awfully sorry, look, let's see if there's some dish liquid or something, possibly some of my next months rent in there too if I have to replace it" you let out a nervous laugh as you walked towards the kitchen. But in all honesty you weren't kidding.

Harry laughed at your sarcastic remark, impressed by your confidence in owning the situation and getting on with things. He casually watched your hips sway past a few people in to the open plan kitchen with as much subtlety as he could, you were confidentially locating all the parts needed to try and remove the offending stain.

"You seem to know your way around 'ere. I'm er…I'm Harry by the way" awkwardly waving as you mixed some solution in the sink drenching a sponge in it.

"Yeah" you smiled turning from the sink with the damp rag "known Jeff a good while, have definitely spilt red wine here before. I'm Y/N" you giggle. The beam from his own mouth matching.

"Ah! Y/N, of course, I've heard him mention you, didn't you once hide rotting mackerel in a unpleasant guys blazer?" he chuckled

"Heyyyy. Only after he spanked my ass getting him the check. Deserved a hot plate to the crotch too" you shot back.

You weren't sure where to go from here the thought of wetting down the white tank yourself definitely appealed but also seemed far too forward.

"Um…" you began gesturing with the sponge in your hand. You expected him to take it from you to sort himself out but..

"Oh yeah sorry" he replied shimmying his shirt off, dumping it on the back of a bar stool, then, crossing his arms across his stomach and lifting the tank top over his head you were slack jawed and frozen taking in the lean muscles and tattoos littered intermittently across his abdomen. He spread the top across the islands worktop flat, then grabbing the sponge with a simple "thanks" and knitting his eyebrows together in concentration as he tried to rid the dull red mark from it's center.

You still hadn't moved. A pink twinge to your cheeks as you watched his shoulder blades and back muscles scrubbing. Dirty thoughts circling your brain still.

"I would have helped you but I didn't want to start a wet tshirt contest in such a high end establishment yknow?" you thought out loud.

"Oh yeah, good call. I'm fiercely competitive Y/N so would probably be under that fancy waterfall thing by now showing off m'moves in my pants" he wiggles his hips trying to suggestively show you his "moves" but you can't help but smirk at just how endearing this man is. Dammit.

When he's finished with his shirt he drapes it over another barstool before handing you the sponge back.

If anyone asks him if he blatantly and deliberately got naked to gauge if you were into him he'd definitely deny it. But the truth is, he definitely did. Luckily for him, with the way you bite your lip and drag your eyes down his flesh as he brushes past your side to get back to the sink, he's right.

"Speaking of getting in the water in your" you use air quotes "'pants' I'm off to get out of mine" you declare, pushing yourself from the counter and keeping eye contact a second as you stroll back to the sliding doors leading to the pool.

"I… What??"

" The pool Harry?.... What did you think I meant?" you narrow your eyes and press your lips together before shutting the glass door again and turning once more to smirk at the opened mouthed man still by the sink.

--------------------------------

You'd been schmoozing in the water for a few hours now. There were probably only 20 or so people still here and the 3rd frozen marg had got you buzzed. You were in the small hot tub type pool, attached at the top of the main one on a slightly higher level. You hadn't seen Harry for a while but the last few times you caught his eye he'd been surrounded by at least 3 other people fighting for his attention, so you banked your flirtations to soothe your own ego, grabbed another marg and tried to forget about how he had started a tornado inside you, yearning for his hands on your thighs and head peering up at you from where they met in the middle. The strong pull of lust was clearly in your head then. What a shame.

You put it to the back of your mind as you finished catching up with Glenne. Both flushed and giggly as usual, she was the perfect match for Jeff and their chemistry unmatchable. You always enjoyed hanging out with the both of them, if anything, they gave you hope your own match may be out there. She left you in the tub alone, as she went to grab herself another drink and check on her host duties boyfriend.

"Don't you find drinking whilst already in water the weirdest thing?" you look up to find Harry standing over your right shoulder as you sit with your back against the pool wall and your elbows propping you up behind you, drink in one hand. His eyes unsubtley slip down to where your breasts lay pushed together in your halter neck bikini. You definitely weren't imagining it then. Fucking fantastic, you think.

"I mean drowning yourself on the inside from the alcohol and being in more than 4 inches of water really adds a danger element to my life if I'm honest" you reply sipping your drink.

And there goes those dimples again.

He's just in a pair of yellow swimming shorts now which doesn't help the alcohol flush at all. Sitting by your right side, putting his short glass full of amber liquid and ice, on the side of the pool and sliding in to join you. He leaves a small gap, as to not appear a total letch but your smart mouth has him hooked.

Taking a sip of his drink with the water up to his collar bones he hums.

"I do feel incredibly dangerous now, you've got a point"

"I mean if you think that's danger" you edge closer, not drunk but buzzed enough to take your chances you whisper into the shell of his ear. "You should see what thrills are in the guest bathroom. 1st floor on the right? " he chokes on his drink as your suggestive whispers make his dick twitch. He definitely couldn't get out of the pool for a while.

You're gone before you get a verbal reaction. If this all goes badly then you can just hide in there and slip out to an Uber and never see Jeff again right? Right. Cool.

With a soft white towel around you and your heart rate high as you reach the main guest bedroom you enter the room, you notice a large weekend bag in there and freeze. Shit. Someone's staying over, you hadn't factored that in, but a glance to the tag and the embossed H. E. S tells you you're good. Well, if not you'll just be a creep hiding in someone's bathroom but let's not think about it too much. Your faux confidence was working well so far and what other chance was going to arise like this one? Hot celebrities need fun with strangers too right?

Entering the bathroom you rub the towel over you, leaving mostly dry skin. You'd peel away your bikini if you were definite you wouldn't need to peel it back up your limbs should this plan backfire. You move to the mirror to adjust the black flecks from your minimal makeup dispersing under your eye and just as you're about to smooth down the stray baby hairs that humidity has got to around your face, you see Harry appear in the mirror behind you. Your belly flipping over and over with the thrill he'd took the bait.

Wasting no time he smirks and holds your gaze, wrapping his hands around your waist whilst his lips attach to the junction of your neck and collarbone. His tongue drags over your soft skin and he licks and softly sucks swirls onto it with his plush lips.

"Hm. You're right. This is a more fun type of danger" he says between kisses but before he's even finished his sentence you've spun around in his arms.

The bottom of your spine cold against the marble countertop, arms around his neck as you smash your lips into one another's with urgency. Tongues and wet noises as you get to know one another through your bodies alone.

He runs his hands down your back and presses his hard length against your thigh. He's definitely packing you think as you lift up a little rub your pubic bone against his front, panting out a little moan as the sweet friction of your bodies colliding sends you into overdrive. Catching the noise through your parted lips he gently tugs on the bottom one, teeth grazing the supple flesh. This combined with his large palms kneading your ass and pulling you further, tighter, into the roll of his hips. Only two layers of damp clothing separate you,forcing your lips to break from his mouth and fully moan, not caring who may be around. You could not remember the last time a perfect stranger knew your body quite this well.

His own grunts were speeding up when he suddenly grabs the back of your thighs and hoists you up beside the sink, you gasp in shock but it was more the way the lean man thrusted you up there like it was nothing. What else could he do? You expect him to go back to kissing you but instead he pulls back with his rock hard erection outlined in the wet shorts he still has on. Looking at you dead in the eyes both raging with lust and concern. Whilst you try not to worry how you were going to accommodate him inside your tight walls.

"Is this…? I mean, you want this too right?" his hands are resting at either side of your parted thighs. You nod. "Need you to say it Y/N" he steps forward, lips wet and brushes the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip that was now puffy and pink from the earlier biting. He knew you were down to fuck, but now he wanted to test your preferences. What kind of fun you were about to have shall we say. So when you lick his thumb tip, holding his fist still and grazing your wet tongue up and down from knuckle to tip before closing your eyes and humming around the entire digit, he knew you were both in for a good time.

Removing the thumb he whispers a barely audible "fuck me" before smashing your lips back together, tongues massaging together as he peels your underwear to the side with his hand swiftly and presses digit you'd lubricated with your mouth against your clit, moving it fast from side to side with just the right amount of pressure to make your head spin. Gasping, you throw your head back, hands clasped around his neck as you lean back and feel yourself start to leak a little with arousal. The few spots dripping down on to the counter.

You could say it had been a while but really this guy was moving his way round your body in the same way you tune a guitar in key. Calloused fingers applying the right amount of pressure as you felt yourself start to get to the edge already. He was kissing down the front if your chest, between your breasts, not missing a beat when he pushed both triangles of your bikini aside and you moaned loudly as he kissed and sucked hard around your nipple, tentatively pulling it between his teeth firmly, the sound you let out made him clamp a little harder before sucking in the whole nipple again, soothing the skin his tongue. Most likely leaving a mark behind, but you kind of liked the idea of proof he'd been devouring you in all honesty.

You were becoming blissed out from all the stimulation. Clenching and moving your hips around nothing but this magical thumb working your clit up and down hard. You were overcome with this whole situation playing out the way it had. You broke away from his mouth again.

"Oh fuck.. Harry, I'm… FuckFuck I'm going to come, I'm gonna fucking… Ahhh" he pulled back one arm steadying you as your head hit the mirror behind you in your release. He just watched you and slowed his thumb down watching as the liquid cascaded onto the counter.

After you'd come down you open your eyes and shyly smiled before kissing him passionately, his hands moving around your waist tightly. You moved your hand to his shorts, teasingly grazing the outline of his cock between your fingers in hopes of repaying the favour. He does a single throaty laugh and removes your hand, holding himself against his thigh. You look at him in confusion when he splutters,

"Sorry, sorry its just I'm going t'blow my load if you touch me." then he's back on your lips "Too. Fucking. Sexy" he says between wet kisses to your jaw, neck and clavicle. "Wanted to do this since I first set eyes on you" one hand is on the back of his neck twisting nape curls between your fist whilst the other rests behind you, stopping you from hitting your head on the mirror again.

"Oh yeah? Before or after I ruined your clothes?" you laugh teasingly as he slides his hands around your back to finally remove the bikini top properly, lifting it up over your head and tossing it aside somewhere on the floor. He let's a laugh out himself completely entranced still by how natural you are around him, it was often hard to connect with strangers in his position.

"I'd spotted you walking in, was trying to open the door for you m'love" he says before sucking a red mark into your breast and massaging and pulling the other nipple slightly with his hand.

You struggle through sharp intakes of breath for a reply.

"Well….ah...that's what chivalry.. Oh.. Get's you these days I guess" and you're both laughing a little.

"Hmm. Have to try harder with my manners then won't I? I mean, I've got to clear up the mess I've made here" he cups his hand against your pussy rubbing it up and down a little with his palm. You let out a guttural noise at the friction. "Ladies first and all'tha too right?" he giggles again at himself.

You're practically cumming right then, you couldn't remember the last time someone actually went down on you. Your previous boyfriend not particularly into offering you foreplay. A main point of why he didn't stick around too long.

Harry kisses down your abdomen now, soft sloppy, sensual pecks, humming into your skin every so often in appreciation as he works at removing your soaked bikini bottoms with his hands, pushing them down to your knees before you help, letting them fall from the remaining ankle to the ground.

Harry is moving far too slow for you, kissing across each hip down to the top of your slit, breathing over where you desperately need him before paying the other side the same attention. Then he's licking up each crease where your thigh meets your pelvis.

"Y/N, just.. Just turn, that's it and lean back as far as you can there, shuffle forward until can't balance anymore" you shift your ass as forward as possible on the lip of the sink and prop yourself up on your elbows trying to be as flat as possible on the cold counter as you could, your toes behind the sink with one foot the other dangling over the edge. You keep you thighs open as Harry hunches over the counter where you now lay diagonal. He places his arms under your thighs and bends your legs flat out as he can stretch you, you're expecting some more teasing but he just looks down at your pussy licking over his lips and almost whining before burying his tongue inside you immediately. The force of his tongue lapping up your previous climax causes you once again to knock the side of your head against the mirrored wall. You turn and watch the scene almost as a spectator, witnessing yourself bare to this beautiful man, curly brown hair between your fists and making sounds like he's savouring every taste. He catches you watching before taking his mouth off you, immediately, you're whining in protest.

"Watch my eyes not my reflection baby, I'm right here"

His authoritative tone eclipsing every thought you had about the casual nickname, you stared down at the wonderful site of him lapping and suckling on your clit. Pointed tongue and firm laps against the swollen button. He then starts lapping up at your glistening hole,unhooking an arm to spread your lips open between his fingers and licking right from the bottom to the top with all the sloppy wet noises involved. He was feeling you contract as he locked faster and faster over you. His tongue deserved an award never mind his music. You couldn't believe you were on the brink of a second orgasm so quickly but when he sunk his middle finger into you at the same pace his tongue was working at, you were screaming his name into the extractor fan above before you knew it. You felt waves of liquid cascade from your pussy as he gently lapped up the produce of his work from you. You flinched in overstimulation but he cleaned up every last drop tenderly before carefully closing your legs and pivoting you round to your previous sitting up position on the counter. Neither of you had spoken a word since you came but as he leads your arms to drape over your shoulders, holding your fucked out body against his chest whilst peppering your temple with soft pecks . Then he kisses you intensely, letting you taste the sweet juices of yourself on his lips. You hummed in approval of the sweet taste as you came round.

A few minutes of carnal making out and things were heating up again. Your hands cupping his jaw then sliding to graze fingernails up and down his back, digging them in a little harder now and again and causing goosebumps to pierce through the skin rapidly under your touch.

You could feel him swallowing down grunts from the friction he was getting from his shorts covered cock brushing up and down between your slick folds.

He'd made you cum twice. Hard. He always got off of making his partners cum of course, so he was feeling beyond turned on and the slight heat of your glistening folds against his length was almostvsending him over the edge.

"I want you inside me" you whispered against his lips desperately.

No sooner had you said the words, his left hand was frantically searching through the vanities top drawer in hope. Finding a packet, checking the date quickly then tearing it between his teeth, spitting the seal onto the floor and pushing his shorts to his ankles, stepping out of them at speed before kicking them away.

He smirked when he caught your eyes bulge at his cock. He knew it was above average but the reaction was always a further compliment he thought.

Stepping forward he put on a show of putting the condom on, first rubbing the drops of sticky pre cum at the head and down his length keeping his eyes locked to yours as you wriggled on the counter with anticipation. He whined a little as it squeezed him rolling it on, so red and over sensitive from turning you on. So that's why, when you grabbed for it, he stilled your hand. Dimples appearing back in his cheeks as you looked again in confusion. He kisses you, languishing the moment before grabbing you forward from the countertop to the floor again, still keeping your lips attached. He lightly grips at your hips and turns you round to face the mirror once more.

Harry lightly grabs your throat, and the way you whimper and push your ass back against him, makes him mentally bank that idea for later perhaps. He runs his left hand up the column of your neck lightly holding your jaw between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him with his hand on your face and the other already working up and down your folds.

"I want you to watch us. Want you to watch yourself come apart. Want to watch you cum around my cock yeah? " he whispers in your ear. You noticeably shiver with excitement of what's to come.

"Please Harry, please, need it, need you."

You watch yourself babble and beg for his cock. The pathetic whimper from yourself as you try and circle your ass into his crotch again to encourage it happening. You were never patient and he's driving you insane here.

Bringing two fingers infront of your lips as you watch yourself in the mirror he looks you dead in the eye through the reflection.

"Spit" so you do, "good girl" he says kissing your cheek. His saliva lubed fingers are back rubbing your clit quickly whilst his knee nudges the back of yours to spread your feet wider as he kisses the back of your neck and shoulders. When he pauses next you're not expecting the hard thrust of him entering you entirely, sure you were dripping wet with the result of two orgasms but you cry out in a mix of stretch and pleasure as he pounds into you at a furious pace. His spare hand not on your clit is holding the bottom of your spine down as he keeps up his rhythm. His pace was that of a man desperate for release after watching you fall apart on his fingers and tongue. The build up meant he was already close as you tight walls fluttered around him. He pleads with you to stop tightening your walls around him or he's not going to last he whimpers.

You were already close again, you'd never cum this many times or this quickly in your life but you were ready for another round and by the sounds of him and the stutter his pace kept slipping you knew he was close too.

You quickly removed his hand, sucking your own fingers into your mouth to replace his own at your clit.

"M'gonna cum, but… OhOh fuck.. But need you harder. Deeper" you manage to get out.

He grunts a curse before squeezing your hips at a pressure that will leave marks tomorrow but the delight in the speed he was now able to snap his hips against the swells of your ass, was well worth it. It only took a few more seconds with the fingers that knew you best, for you to gush against his cock. Feeling absolutely exhausted you slump your sweaty chest onto the cold counter.

His orgasm taking him by surprise when you clenched up to milk him dry. He all but shouts your name as his hips stutter and you feel the warmth of his cum fill the one barrier between you.

His lips were back on your sweaty neck for a second whilst he disposed of the used condom. He ran the walk in shower and wordlessly you took his offered hand to join him under the hot spray. You'd never had an encounter end like this before not that you were a seasoned professional but after 3 orgasms the way his hands moved round your body under the water, washing away your antics with sweet strawberry-banana smelling suds on the flannel, left you with a warm floaty feeling the worn off alcohol never had.

He gently wipes your makeup from under your eyes then, smiling at the cute way your nose wrinkles slightly as he rubs at each eyebrow.

"I don't even have words" you finally laugh out blushing, not able to stand his gauge as you say it.

"Oh. So that's how to make that smart mouth o'yours stop is it? " he grins, you gasp in mock offense and go to say something but going under your chin with his thumb with his forefinger to connect your lips under the warm water spray he kisses you when you pull away you can't help but ask.

"So does this make us even on one ruined fancy vest then?"

"Hmmmm" he ponders with both hands on your face looking at the ceiling out if the falling water. " I'm not sure, I mean it was a custom, pretty high going rate those yeah"

"Yeahhhh you're right, you're right. Better factor in the cost of the custom job then hadn't I huh?"

You hurriedly sink to your knees on the tiled floor.