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foodsies4me · 1 month ago

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September Malec fic rec! (yes we're ignoring this is getting posted in October)

This (last) month's theme has been suggested by @just-add-butter, for which thank you because my brain couldn't think of one. So this time we have the theme Flowers and Flower language! As always, I have tagged the authors but if you prefer I don’t, please tell me because I don’t want these to be annoying for the authors.💜

If you want to add your own recs, please feel free to do so!😊

One-shots:

bloom by @smilebackwards: This fic is just pure tooth-rotting fluff and I love it so much.

Summary:

Alec loves watching Izzy get flowers but he thinks he would have liked, just once, to know what it felt like for someone to send him something so bright and sweet, frivolous, just because they cared.

Alternate Universe by @sugarandspace: An adorable, pre-Malec, mundane meet-cute where Magnus is a florist and Alec is stressed.

Summary:

The man stopped what he was doing and looked at Alec, his eyebrows raised. “Are you aware that white lilies are usually funeral flowers? They symbolize modesty and purity, and can be used on different occasions too but that’s what they are most famous for.” “Oh, what would you recommend then?” Alec asked the man, who seemed to light up at the question.

Flowers by @facialteeth: Magnus is having a bad day aka Alec had to cancel their date because demons never sleep. Cue Alec making sure to get Magnus some flowers as an apology in between his shadowhunter-duties.

Summary:

There weren't many things that could ruin Magnus' day. The world ending. His favorite show being canceled. Perhaps, Alec texting him that morning and informing him that he couldn't accompany Magnus on their date tonight because twenty shax demons had popped up. Or, Alec finds a way to apologize, even amidst his duties and the demons that he is suppose to be battling.

Flowers for you by @sugarandspace: Breaking my own rules by rec-ing two fics by the same author, but this author just has the loveliest flower fics.

Summary:

Alec is a Shadowhunter, he probably doesn't care about flowers, Magnus thinks as he's nervously waiting for Alec with a bouquet of red carnations in his hands. Slowly, he gets to learn how wrong he was. -.-.- Or five times Magnus gave Alec flowers.

Where Flowers Bloom by Shergar: Another fluffy fic that never fails to bring a smile to my face when I read it!

Summary:

After their marriage and their move to Alicante, Magnus and Alec's lives are even busier than they had been before. When Magnus realizes that they both have an open few hours in their schedules, he steals his husband away for a midnight date.

Multi-chapter fics or series:

The Language of Flowers by @astudyinfic: Mostly fluffy with some sad bits aka Max is dead and my heart is weeping. Starring Alec as a florist and Magnus as a tattoo artist. (Complete)

Summary:

Following the loss of his brother, florist Alec Lightwood wants to do something to remember him by. Enter tattoo artist Magnus Bane who brings beauty and love into his life. What starts as a one-time thing blooms into an expression of love for all the important people in Alec's life.

out of some dreaming tree by @faejilly: It's a jilly fic, what else can I say except that it's stunning. Seriously, pretty words with pretty descriptions and flowers, what else do you want or need? (Complete)

Summary:

Demons, a hunt, a quest, a partnership that seems too good to be true. Something dangerous is lurking around the edges of their worlds, and Alec and Magnus are determined to do something about it.

Heliotrope by @wirewrappedlily: This series hurts. It's beautiful and lovely but it *hurts*, so tissue warning for those who, like me, get easily weepy. (Complete? The different parts of the series are all complete so putting this under complete)

Summary:

If his client got quite a bit more than a simple cover of the scar from the emergency C-section; if Magnus's magic softened the edges of the hole of grief she had fallen into, just enough that she could find some peace with her own body once more--well, Magnus made a note that, Shadowhunters be damned, the little flower shop down the street was worth the risk.

Invictus by Lecrit: This is technically a one-shot, but at 36k words I have decided to place it with the multi-chapter fics because long one-shot is long.

“You should get a tattoo.” Alec firmly believed in coincidences, in the serendipity that could bring the hazards of life, but even he could admit that sometimes, things seemed to happen for a reason. He was too much of a pragmatic person to truly believe in fate and destiny. So even when Jace blurted those words at him as he stumbled into his shop, they remained abstract concepts to him, no matter how it nudged at the back of his mind.

amor in lingua florum by Hamaithor: And a last fluffy-two part series to tie of this list. Nephilim have a certain affinity for plants which is a HC I adore and Magnus seems to be just as enraptured by it.

Summary:

Alec ends up spending a lot of time at Magnus’ loft, and with him come the flowers. A canonverse AU where Nephilim have a certain affinity for plants; and Magnus knows that, but that doesn't mean he was prepared for anything like this.

#malec fic rec #I am still compiling a list for warlock!Alec #no I did not forget that theme #Also I got jumpscared by my own fic while looking for fics for this them #completely forgot I wrote a flower fic as well #also we are NOT mentioning how late I am with September's rec-list #now let's hope October will be on time #lol

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justinspoliticalcorner · 4 months ago

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Jessica Valenti at Abortion, Every Day:

I remember the feeling of hands inside me. Pulling, tugging, moving things aside. My emergency c-section wasn’t painful, but that feeling of being invaded was somehow worse than physical hurt. For years, the thought of the surgery would send me into a PTSD panic, my knees literally buckling and vomit coming up the back of my throat. In my memory, my arms are tied down while I’m being cut—but I know that’s not true. It’s just my brain’s way of making the powerlessness of the moment seem tangible.

Because I was so early in my pregnancy, just 28 weeks along, doctors had to cut me both horizontally and vertically, making it life-threatening for me to have a vaginal birth in the future and increasing my risk for uterine rupture. I didn’t know it then, but I would never have another child. So when I see anti-abortion groups blithely suggesting that women with life-threatening pregnancies should be forced into c-sections rather than easier, safer, and less traumatic abortions—it feels personal. Because I chose my medical nightmare; it was necessary to save both my life and my daughter’s. I can’t imagine the horror of going through such a thing unnecessarily, or at 16 weeks pregnant instead of 28. What if my tied-down arms weren’t a post-traumatic illusion, but a legal reality?

For nearly a year, I’ve been tracking this growing strategy: Some of the most powerful anti-abortion organizations in the country are using carefully-worded legislation and seemingly-credible clinical recommendations to codify medical atrocities—pushing doctors to force pregnant women into unnecessary labor and c-sections, even before fetal viability and sometimes even when a fetus has died. Why would anyone do such a thing? The answer is as simple as it is awful: Anti-abortion groups and lawmakers want to prove that abortion is never necessary to save a person’s life. The problem is that they know pregnancy can be deadly, especially in the United States. Rather than admit abortion can be life-saving, their solution is to force doctors to end deadly pregnancies in any other way—even if it means torturing women in the process.

Anti-abortion lawmakers and activists are so desperate to divorce abortion from health care, they’d prefer to see us dead than allow critically ill women to get care they disagree with. I mean that literally. This is how they kill us. With the sly shifting of medical standards and surreptitiously-placed legislative language. Because while these people are cruel, they’re certainly not stupid. Anti-abortion extremists know the only way to normalize medical torture is to move quietly and slowly. After all, dystopias aren’t created in a day. They’re built, law by law and talking point by talking point, through medical regulations, bureaucracy, and fear. From a Supreme Court ruling in Idaho to timid guidance from hospital administrators in Louisiana—anti-abortion groups don’t need to own up to their grim vision when they have others embedding the nightmare bit by bit.

That’s not to say they haven’t been busy themselves. Using extremist groups with credible-sounding names—like American Association of Pro-Life OBGYNs or the Charlotte Lozier Institute—the anti-abortion movement has carefully disguised radical calls to hurt women as simple scientific recommendations. They’ve inserted the nonsense term ‘maternal fetal separation’ into legislation, court cases and conservative talking points, removing ‘abortion’ in an attempt to further the lie that the procedure is never necessary. They've published papers and trotted out ‘experts’ who claim it’s “medically standard” to force women into c-sections or vaginal labor when their lives are at risk. Again, even when it’s too early for a fetus to survive.

Anti-abortion legislators have done their job too, passing laws that allow their state to define what conditions are life-threatening during pregnancy and the best course of action for doctors. They’ve written mandates that emergency terminations be performed in a way that “provides the best opportunity for the unborn child to survive.” If states must be forced to save women’s lives, it appears, they’ll make sure we suffer greatly for the trouble. It’s not a coincidence that reports coming out of anti-abortion states show a sharp rise in c-sections. With their license and freedom on the line, doctors and hospitals are falling in line. One Texas OBGYN who was directed to give a septic patient a hysterotomy told researchers, “The morbidity is going to be insane.”

To people who value fetuses above women, that’s a price they’re willing to pay. Indeed, all of this cruelty starts to make morbid sense when you understand that the broader anti-abortion goal goes beyond forced c-sections or redefining medical standards. They are trying to make Americans numb to women suffering and dying during pregnancy. They’re treating it as unpreventable—natural, even—so that voters don’t bat an eye when the maternal mortality numbers skyrocket.

Jessica Valenti reports on the rise of c-sections post-Roe and dishonest efforts to divorce abortion from healthcare by anti-abortion zealots in her Abortion, Every Day blog.

#Abortion #C Sections #Reproductive Health #Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health Organization #Fetal Viability #Pregnancy #Abortion Is Healthcare

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persephone11110 · 1 year ago

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Still My Beautiful Angel

Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

TW: post-pregnancy, weight issues, insecurities, hurt/comfort, mention of sex,body image, mention of surgery..c-section scar, stretch marks,bradshaw babies, almost death, unhealthy societal views, slight smutty end, curse words

prompt: ❛ you look really pretty right now. ❜, credit: @nightprompts

reader nickname is Angel

this a random one-shot/ apart of FALLEN ANGEL Series

- in this fic i made carole short for caroline.— if your interested the babies name are Cobie Caroline Bradshaw , Nicholas Thomas Peter Bradshaw(pretend that flows together plZ)

- the babies are born after the uranium mission, abt 2024

I HAVE NEVER BEEN PREGNANT, SO THIS ISNT TO DISRESPECT ANYONE WHO HAS!

—

Standing infront of the mirror, you kept turning left and right taking in the different angles of your new body. Your eyebrows creased in disgust and disappointment it had been eight months since Cobie and Nicky. Yet your body still hadn’t gone back to like it was before the babies.

You loved the twins, but you weren’t used to seeing your body be so different for so long. Bold red lines trailed all over your stomach— covering up your once cleared skin. “I hate me”.

Your hands ran over the scar below your bellybutton, it was an ugly reminder that Bradley would had spent his week making funeral plans for three people. You almost died, the babies almost died.

“Mrs. Bradshaw, you seemed to be suffering from pre-eclampsia, the next best thing for all three of you is a emergency c-section”.

You pushed and prodded at your skin, the six pack you once had was replaced with a pouch of skin. You couldn’t explain it but the reflection of your body made you angry, made you hate your body.

You leaned your head into the mirror.

Had did you not notice?

There’s even more stretch marks on your breast’s— obviously after you went from A cup to a C cup from carrying twins. They grew with the rest of your body.

There were dark circles under your eyebags, just under a week ago the twins had entered their teething phase. And let’s just say getting sleep had been your enemy lately then rather your friend.

“What happened to me?”

It was clearly evident that your body didn’t bounce back like it was supposed to.

Probably why Bradley won’t have sex with you, he can’t and quite honestly you don’t blame him. Bradley hasn’t offered up sex since before the twins were born.

Then again every time he hinted at having sex, you would shoot that chance down, telling him you were tired, your body was exhausted.

Which weren’t lies at all— you just dragged the truth.

You were so caught up in spending your time insulting yourself you hadn’t realized Bradley’s shadow.

Bradley finished his list of chores around the house and decided it was time to join his wife for some alone time. The twins were napping peacefully— when he came upstairs he thought he be met with his a happy wife, not a wife who’s face looked digusted at her own reflection.

He was perched against the doorway frowning at the way you’d been observing yourself.

“My God”

“Y/n?”he called out and you could hear the confusion in his voice.

It caught you completely off guard. Where did he come from?

Faster than the flash, you tightly wrapped your arms around your waist— hoping to hide your new body from him. Since the twins birth the only time Bradley seen you naked is when he helped take showers and get dress. And that was hard enough.

“I need to change really quickly” you said softly, eyes on the ground.

Bradley look between you and the shirt that 2 sizes to large and the mirror.

“Angel why are you hiding from me?”, he asked you, reaching for the shirt and grabbing it so you couldn’t have it. Tears began glimmering at your eyelids— he was there for every change of your body, but having Bradley see it now made you cry.

You shook your head ashamed and embarrassed.“I don’t look the same Bradley”.

You bit the inside of your cheek. The tears that welled in your eyes were now uncontrollably running down your face.

Bradley arms were instantly around you he pulled you tighly into his chest. You cried against muscular chest— you felt safe and comfortable in his embrace.

He let go of you—“Y/n, listen to me”. Bradley’s voice was laced with sternness and authority.

Your eyes drift to his.

“Your the most beautiful thing ever— I’ve ever laid my eyes on”. Bradley dropped a kissed onto your cheek. “Whatever you think is ugly, I see them as the most prettiest thing in the world”.

He dropped another kiss onto your cheeks.“Your body protected our kids for almost ten months despite what you think, your body is so gorgeous”.

“Let me see” he requested softly. You showed no interest in moving still. “Angel” he sighed moving your arms out of the way.

“I love this body so fucking much” he wrapped his around you tightly again. “This body gave us the greatest gifts we could ever ask for”.

He saw your body as a greek sculpture.

“You know angel all this talking is making me hungry” he stood back up with of the biggest grins you ever seen him pull. “Are you hungry?”

“Bradley” you shot him a pointed look.“You might wake up Cobie and Nicky”. You told him, shooting him down.

“I’ll be quiet Y/n— I promise” he was practically begging at his point.

“You have three hours to prove it to me”.

#top gun #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradsaw x reader

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enoughslices · 3 months ago

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You mention in one of your tags (related to the Emily episode) that you read an interview regarding Gillian's pregnancy and that some cast/crew comments were well-meaning but insensitive. Do you remember the interview or what they said?

The 90s were a fun time for music, tv, and entertainment, but it must have sucked for the women who had to deal with such a Macho and sexist Hollywood. Feeling compelled to go back to work shortly after a C-section out of "guilt" or fear for one's job "hurts" just to think of it because I know the pain of a C-section and just wanting to stay still when it feels like a stitch is going to tear.

:cracks knuckles: Let's goooooo! First of all, I can only imagine the pain and recovery from a C-section is super intense, full stop. 💜 I know from seeing friends go through it that it can be rough and traumatic even with access to deep rest and real support. It's absolutely horrific to me to try to imagine filming ten-days after an emergency C-section. I was able to find one of the main articles that gave me this impression, and it was this one from TV Guide, March 1995. I've excerpted some of it below and bolded some of the things that felt slightly infantalizing/not great to me. I should say before we dive all of the way in that I think part of what reading this article for the first time left me with was a sense of what an absolutely wild, overwhelming, and isolating time it must have been for Gillian, with some added 90s workplace misogyny and paternalism as icing on the cake.

It's worth going into this bearing in mind that Gililan was 25 at the time of this interview and 24 when she started the show and found out she was pregnant. She lied about her age to get the job - she said she was 27. Both her husband-at-that-time and David are 8 years older so they were ~32 when all of this was happening. Chris Carter would have been 37. She and her first husband, who was on the art direction team for the show, had a whirlwind 6-month romance then spontaneously eloped to Hawaii and accidentally conceived on their wedding day (which the full article goes RIGHT into 😅 but I'll skip ahead to the relevant bit):

A pregnancy would mean limitations on her work schedule and missing episodes - no one could predict how many - in the second season. "I knew I needed to make my decision about the pregnancy first, before broaching the subject with the producers," says Anderson. "I couldn't be wavering. Having this baby was the right decision for my husband and me. But it was like, 'Oh, my God. They did all this for me and now look what I'm doing to them.' So many things go through your mind. So yes, I was worried." Apparently with good reason. According to several sources, executive producer Chris Carter was not pleased. "He went ballistic," says one source. "He wanted to get rid of her." Two other insiders back up that claim. "They were considering recasting," confirms Anderson. "I heard a lot of stuff through the grapevine, and it was not comforting." Not so, says Carter. "I never, ever considered replacing her. It's a lie. If anything, I was the loudest voice saying: We have to protect this show and this person. Scully and Mulder are two characters that the audience has invested in, they are the secret to the success of the show, and we have to find a way to make this work." How did all of this affect Anderson? "She's grown up," says wardrobe supervisor Kieft. "Getting married and having the baby has matured her, I think, and given her a bit of stability. When she was pregnant, we did have a bed standing by, and whenever we could, we would get her to lie down. But she is quite a strong little person." In fact, Anderson missed only one episode and was back to work - after an emergency C-section - in just 10 days. "I was getting restless," says Anderson. "I wanted to get back to work because it was really hard on David, and it's the two of us up there, you know?"

So just to break this down:

Reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like she felt pretty certain that if she didn't share the news with her mind firmly made up and her feet planted, the producers might try to coerce her into having an abortion. Sit with that for a minute. (I am fully and passionately pro-choice but the operative word is choice.)

If three anonymous sources and Gillian herself all say Chris Carter was absolutely incensed about her being pregnant, he was for sure Big Mad and is just trying to cover his ass for PR. There's evidence for this elsewhere as well.

I really do think this last passage was truly well-intended but it hits a lot of points that leave me feeling uneasy. The idea that pregnancy has helped her grow up or ground her, this sense that people were making sure she rested when she was forced back to work immediately after a harrowing emergency c-section, and everything about the phrase "strong little person."... to me it just sort of betrays an environment where GA was habitually treated/perceived sort of like a little girl and not an adult woman with full agency.

Just. Ten. DAYS!!!!! It's a crime.

This next one isn't as bad by any means, but here's a quote from her hairdresser earlier in this same article:

"In the beginning," says Marsden, "she had trouble with her lines, and I think it kind of upset David because he is so accomplished. He's worked in feature files. He's worked with Brad Pitt. And he can learn his lines"-Marsden snaps his fingers-"like. But I know he appreciates how hard she works."

Now obviously, there's nothing overtly wrong with what he's saying here, and it's explicitly laid out in the article how David was the first person she told and that he was supportive. But this quote (and the article taken as a whole) provides a sense of overall atmosphere to me: she's young, she's green, everyone's already a little impatient toward her, and then she was also pregnant.

There's also this article from USA Today in 1994:

The C-section put her "out of commission at least an extra four days than they were planning." She figures everyone is "a little sorry" for sending her back to the grind so soon. "But it seems to have worked out. I think. So far," she says, breathless and bemused.

Does this mean they were originally planning for her to return to set SIX DAYS (???) after giving birth? (??????!)

In the same article, casting a bit of doubt on the earlier narrative that she was just "a strong little person" that they had to coax into lying back down:

Surprise: It calls for her return as skeptical FBI agent Dana Scully--albeit lying in a coma for most of the episode, which aired last week. "That did help a bit, but I mean, with 60 people around you and all the lights, it's not an unstressful situation."

Also in the USA Today article:

When she learned of her pregnancy in February, it defined the phrase mixed blessing. "It was wonderful news, but it scared a lot of people. It scared me. The show was doing relatively well, but it was still very young and there was the possibility of it going one way or another. It could have crashed, and I would have been somewhat in the middle of that. It was a rough time letting people know I had made this decision and deciding how to work with it, and for them, whether to recast (the role)."

I interpret that as something like: if the show had stopped doing well and there was anyway it could be pinned on her pregnancy/absence, it would have been chalked up as her fault. I feel like I'm forgetting something major in terms of crew saying condescending/sort of shitty things (am writing this at midnight because of who i am as a person, so if I remember I'll reblog with it tomorrow) but if you poke around the gilliananderson.ws archives from that time, a lot of the articles focus on or mention her pregnancy or being a new mom, and she speaks pretty candidly about having feared for her job and being absolutely exhausted and fully in survival mode. When you consider that all of this coincided with her being thrust directly into major fame, it's A LOT! This recent Bustle article (Feb 2024) on where Gillian Anderson was at 28 is also somewhat illuminating.

Thanks so much for the ask! I'll share more if I can remember where I saw it! 😅

#txf #txf bts #the x files #the x files bts #gillian anderson #txf meta #tw c section #tw pregnancy #i'll try to dig up more tomorrow #txf text posts

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highwaytothedangerzone502 · 5 months ago

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Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 41

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2440

Warnings: Swearing, pregnancy complications

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Soon You'll Get Better Love You, Miss You, Mean It

****

Coyote

"What the hell happened?!" Phoenix demanded, giving a beat-up Maverick a quick once-over and assessing his injuries. She spoke the words Coyote couldn't find because his sights settled on an even worse-looking Ghost shuffling up behind the Captain. She had a nasty bruise on her cheek in the suspicious form of a handprint, a busted lip, some stitches on her left temple, and unfocused eyes.

"Annalise?" Coyote heard himself say as he moved toward her. Her eyes drifted to him in a daze, and she blinked.

"Javy?" She asked, tilting her head. "What are you doing here?"

"The hospital called me. I'm one of Hangman's emergency contacts. What hap-"

"Natasha? You are too?"

"Oh, uh, no," Phoenix replied, taken aback by Ghost's use of her first name. "I was hanging out with Coyote when he got the call. What happened to you two and Hangman?"

Maverick debriefed the pair of aviators on what transpired hardly an hour ago. Ghost stood by him silently, swaying slightly on her feet. Worry gnawed at Coyote, not only for Hangman- who was in surgery to sew up apparently multiple stab wounds- but Ghost, too. She had been through something traumatic, undoubtedly, but even when she had the accident with Ghoul a few years ago, Ghost had been coherent and talking. This... this Ghost was like a shell of herself.

Only when Maverick began listing the injuries of everyone involved in the brawl did Coyote finally understand why. Concussions were no joke, and his best friend had a nasty one. He slipped an arm around her shoulders to steady her, and Ghost leaned into him, mumbling a thanks.

"Is Hangman going to be okay?" Coyote queried hesitantly, afraid of what the answer might be.

Maverick nodded, and Coyote's shoulders sagged in relief. The Captain explained, "He lost a good amount of blood. He'll be receiving a blood transfusion once they stitch him up, but he should survive."

"And Juliette? Why did she start seizing?" Phoenix prodded.

"Her blood pressure had already been high when she arrived. The stress of the situation raised it even higher, and her preeclampsia turned into eclampsia, which caused the seizure. They're stabilizing her right now."

"What's the cure to it?"

"Once she's stabilized, she'll have to have a C-section. The only way to help her is to deliver the babies."

Phoenix crossed her arms. "They'll be premature... How's Rooster handling it?"

"Better now that Juliette is stabilized. I-" Maverick glanced at his phone, the screen flashing with an incoming call from Penny. "Excuse me, I have to take this."

He sidled away, and Coyote and Phoenix turned their attention to Ghost, whose eyes were half shut. But that's not what worried Javy. It was the clenching of her fists around her dog tags, the subtle but powerful sign of her pain.

"Phoenix, tell the Daggers what's happened," Coyote instructed, knowing full well they would need the group of hotshots to support both Ghost and Rooster. "I'm going to get Annalise somewhere quieter."

Phoenix nodded in understanding, squeezing his arm affectionately and reassuringly rubbing Ghost's shoulder before leaving them. Coyote then led Ghost to a quieter, darker area of the waiting room and helped her sit. She sank into the chair, braced her elbows on her knees, and covered her face with her hands.

"Talk to me, Annalise," Coyote said gently. "What do you need?"

"It hurts, Javy," she whispered, fingers curling into her dirty blonde hair. "My head is pounding, every noise... god, every noise sounds like nails on a chalkboard, and all I want to do is sleep, and I tried. But my headache stops me from sleeping, and Jake, he..." She trailed off, and a silence hung over them. Coyote waited patiently for her to continue. However, when he observed her body trembling and her shoulders moving subtly up and down, the horror dawned on him: Ghost was crying.

Not knowing what to say that would make her feel better, he simply sat there and let her cry. The tears only lasted a few minutes, but her voice still held grief when she said, "It's my fault. I should never have gotten involved with Kyle in the first place, let alone have Jake try and put him in his place. I should've- I should've at least locked the stupid door after Mav came."

"Speaking of Maverick." Coyote nodded at the Captain striding over to them, looking worse for wear but better than he had been earlier. He glanced at Ghost before locking eyes with Coyote and mouthing, "How's she doing?"

Coyote gave a slight shake of the head, answering silently, "Not great."

Maverick knelt in front of the female pilot, a softness on his face Coyote had never seen before. "Hey, Ghost."

"Hey, Dad," she mumbled, rubbing her temples. "Uh, Mav. Sorry, sir."

Coyote thought nothing of the misnomer and attributed it to the nasty concussion, but Maverick appeared rattled. Maybe out of concern?

"I just got off the phone with your mom. She's on her way with your sister. They should be here early morning," Maverick explained after regaining his wits. "Sarah Kazansky is with Jack and is about three hours away, but she's on her way too and-"

Ghost's head snapped up. She swayed a little in place, causing both Maverick and Coyote to reach out and steady her, but she ignored them and said, "The dogs! Raptor and Lightning! Jake and I were- we were supposed to-"

"Penny is picking the dogs up and bringing them to our house. Amelia is going to watch them while Penny is here supporting you and Rooster. Bob is on his way too," Maverick explained gently.

Ghost sighed in relief and sank back into her chair. She leaned the back of her head against the wall only to snap away from it and clutch it with her hands. A barely audible whimper escaped from her lips.

"You okay?" Maverick asked worriedly, placing a paternal hand on her knee.

Ghost nodded. "Yes, sir. I forgot I couldn't do that. How's- how's Hangman? And Juliette and Rooster?"

"No word on Hangman yet, but I think the surgery is going well so far. As for Juliette, they've stabilized her, and she's already gone in for a C-section."

"Isn't that risky?" Coyote queried, leaning forward and bracing his arms on his knees. "Wouldn't it be better to leave the babies until their due date?"

Mav shook his head. "It's high-risk either way, but the only way to stop her eclampsia is to deliver the babies as soon as possible."

"Why is it high risk to deliver them?"

To both Coyote and Maveick's surprise, Ghost answered, "She's already had a complicated pregnancy, which we weren't surprised she had it after reading who was at risk for it. Her mom had it, she's 35 years old and carrying twins, and it's her first time being pregnant. The kicker is that all her symptoms are also signs of a possible deadlier complication- AFE- but it's difficult to diagnose. We didn't tell Rooster most of that because he worried about her enough, but she and I did our research to keep an eye on her health and the warning signs. Looks like we still missed it..."

Coyote's heart lurched, not only in fear for Juliette's life but also in fear of what losing her would do to Rooster. Coyote had finally learned of the couple's history and what they truly meant to each other. Rooster had just gotten her back. If he lost her now...

Desperate to bring some lightness to the situation for both his sake and his companions, Coyote remarked, "I amazed you remembered all that with your concussion but still called Maverick 'Dad.'"

Ghost chuckled humorlessly. "That wasn't a necessarily mistake."

"Yeah, I guess we've all called him 'Dad' at some point but-"

"No, Javy. Maverick is my dad. You can confirm it with him, Jackie, Mom, or Jake. They all know." Ghost had continued massaging her temples during the truth bomb she so casually dropped on her friend, so she failed to see his mouth drop open or the look of disbelief on his face. She had to be joking. Or her concussion was really screwing with her thoughts. Maverick couldn't be...

But when Coyote turned to the Captain for confirmation that Ghost was the crazy one and not him, he did not receive it. Only a slight nod that she was, indeed, correct.

"How-?"

"Long story. Tell you later because I'm going to go to the bathroom and hurl. I'll be back." Ghost- ashen-faced- stood unsteadily but waved off both men when they tried to help her. She hurried to the bathroom nearby, covering her mouth as she went. Phoenix, who had just stepped foot into the waiting area, caught sight and diverted her course to take care of her friend.

"I'm assuming—" Coyote began hesitantly— "since not even Rooster and Princess know about you being Ghost's real dad, you want me to keep quiet about it?"

"It'd be appreciated." Maverick opened his mouth to say more but stopped when Penny entered the room, followed by not just Bob but Payback, too.

And Fanboy.

And Omaha.

And Harvard.

And Yale.

And Fritz.

And Halo.

All the Daggers had shown up to support their friends, and the sight warmed Coyote's heart.

___________________________________

Maverick

Penny paled at the sight of Maverick's injuries, greeting him with a tight hug. The Captain winced but made no sound. Meanwhile, the Daggers demanded to know what had happened, and Coyote conveyed a very short story that covered all the essential details. He also provided updates on everyone's well-being.

"What's everyone doing here?" Ghost's weak voice sounded from behind the group. In unison, the Daggers' heads turned to look at her, and Maverick heard Omaha breathe, "Oh, shit."

Penny spoke first, maneuvering her way over to Ghost to hug her. "We came as soon as we heard what happened. I brought you some clothes and toiletries. I thought you might like to freshen up as best you can."

Ghost nodded in agreement. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you. I'm going to find go a- uh, I mean, go find a place to change. I'll be back."

"Do you want someone to go with you?"

"No, no, that's okay. I'll be right back."

Without another word, she shuffled off with the clothes in tow. The group watched her go, each wondering if they should keep an eye on her but deciding it best to leave her be. If she wanted them around, she would've asked.

"So what now?" Bob queried, glancing around. "Do we just sit and wait or-"

"We sit and wait," Maverick confirmed, torn between the turmoil his daughters endured. For what seemed like an eternity, he watched staff and guests alike walk back and forth in front of the waiting room. How long would the surgeries take? How long would he have to wait for word on Juliette? On Hangman? How long would he have to see Ghost suffer in silent agony waiting for an update on her boyfriend and best friend? Should he comfort her? Did she want him to comfort her? Or did she want him to stay away from her? It's not like his conversation with Ghost had been exactly happy before they'd been interrupted. He'd hesitated to answer her last question and had never given her a response because, the truth was, he didn't know what he would've done had he found out about her sooner. By the time Maverick would've found out, Charlie would've been back with her husband, living a happy life with him and their daughter. How would Maverick have fit into the picture? Would being in Ghost's life confuse her? Would she have wanted Maverick in her life when Nathan Blackwood was such a great man and dad? Would-

The doors to the operation room flew open. The suddenness of the action broke Maverick's spiraling train of thoughts, but it was the group of nurses struggling to escort a frantic Rooster out into the hallway that launched him and the Daggers into action, all of them simultaneously recognizing that they needed to restrain their comrade before he hurt either one of the staff or himself.

"Let me back in there!" He shouted, pointing furiously at the nurses, straining against the strength of six of his comrades. "That's my wife, damn it! Juliette! Jules- let me back in th-"

"Bradley!" Maverick stepped in front of his son, sensing the frantic behavior could only come from one thing. "What's happening?"

"Jules, she- she's cod-" Rooster stumbled backward and collapsed into a chair, his whole body shaking. "She's coding. She's coding..."

A deathly silence fell over the group as the news sank in, everyone standing in a daze. Of everyone in the group, Juliette had been the last person they expected to lose. She had the safest job and life of all of them, and yet...

Maverick's heart nearly stopped beating at the mere idea of losing Juliette so soon after Iceman. Of course, what he felt could not touch what Sarah Kazansky would feel when she found out. Maverick wasn't sure Sarah could recover from losing her husband and her only daughter only a few months apart from one another. Maverick could barely fathom the possibility himself.

He had to call Sarah, had to let her know what was going on. With one final glance at Rooster- whose elbows were braced on his knees, hands clasped tightly together, and head bowed- he excused himself to make the dreaded call. Penny patted his back sympathetically as he left. Maverick stepped into a quiet alcove in the hallway, but he still had Rooster in his line of sight. The Captain pulled out his phone and was about to dial Sarah's number when, out of his peripheral, silent as a phantom, Ghost- now in fresh clothes- glided over to Rooster and sat in the vacant seat beside him. His son hadn't reacted to the reassuring shoulder squeezes by the Daggers nor their sympathetic comments, but the moment Ghost rested her hand atop his, Rooster looked helplessly up at her. An equally broken expression etched onto her bruised face, and Rooster enveloped her hand in his. A silent communication passed between them, an unspoken, unbreakable bond between two people who loved and supported each other and were experiencing remarkably similar situations.

Without relinquishing their grip on the other, the pair leaned back in their seats. Ghost rested her head on Rooster's shoulder, and with identical distant and glazed eyes, they waited for news on their significant others.

****

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quicklikelight · 8 months ago

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... In light of the last thing I reblogged, since I'm not actually sure if I ever I ever told folks here...

Mental health/medical diagnosis info under the cut.

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2010 following the birth of my son. I'd had anxiety, depression, and what I now know is OCD symptoms for years at that point, but they all got much worse after kiddo was born. I believe I've shared here before that I was very ill while pregnant, and nearly died before and during my emergency C-section that bright kiddo into the world. I have very few memories of my pregnancy but the ones I do have are impressed into my brain like the world's most depressing stamp collection: not neat pictures, but deep grooves that form shapes and can be laid over one another to see the cumulative chaos, the terror that I still feel every time someone puts a blood pressure cuff around my arm, the dissociation from my body that I still have because all I can remember was it hurting.

I had cptsd before I ever got pregnant, but my pregnancy made my symptoms so much worse, and a doctor who spoke to me for three seconds gave me the "convenient" diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I was a young woman in college, it was 2010, and he never asked me anything about my life. This diagnosis wasn't corrected until 2022.

I'm sharing this because in the past I frequently blogged about being bipolar. I wasn't bipolar though. What I thought was mania was just my behavior when I was triggered beyond my ability to ignore. What I thought was depression was... Well, it was depression. My life was miserable, my ex is a horrible human being who deserves to be thrown in a deep pit full of snakes, my family hates me and acts like it, I lived in Texas of all places, and on top of that I was working in a dead end job that I couldn't ever seem to escape.

In 2020, I was fortunate enough to move in with my friend LC and her family. We weathered the worst of lockdown together, our children becoming close friends, and I'm grateful for the time, energy, space, and love LC afforded me to begin recovering from a lifetime of wounds.

I'm 2021, I moved to New York state to live with my best friend, my heart's companion, @tofixtheshadows. Dea has been the best partner I could want as I grappled with my changing sense of self, the sheer madness and unreality of what my life used to be. I am so fortunate to call her my best friend and to be able to share my life with someone who knows me and wants to help me be better.

I found a psychiatrist in 2022 who changed my life when she said, "I believe everything you say that happened to you. I think bipolar disorder is a convenient diagnosis for a man to give a traumatized young woman when he isn't interested in doing his job well. You aren't bipolar, Anne. You have PTSD."

I was shocked. I shouldn't have been, since I already knew Dea thought I had PTSD. But it seemed so out of left field to me, that... Well, that maybe there hadn't been anything inherently wrong with me in the first place, as I had been led to believe, but that the years of horrible actions happening around and to me had just taken their toll.

It was liberating. Scary, but good.

I've been working with my psychiatrist and a therapist since to try and build more tolerance, better coping skills, and to process my trauma. It's slow going. Life doesn't stop because I need EMDR. But it's ultimately been so rewarding, and I'm still only in the early stages of the work.

Last year, for basically the first time in my adult life, I was able to go off of all my mood altering medications. I just didn't need them anymore.

I'm still in treatment and working toward goals that will probably take a while. But I am happy. I'm actually happy for the first time in my entire life. And to me, that's pretty much everything.

#about anne

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shadowofthelamp · 27 days ago

Note

🫶A bio for Bea?

Ended up long so under the cut!

Name: Beatrice "Bea" Marie Pines

Age: 30, 12, 6. All technically true, but mostly acts and looks 12 so let's go with that.

History: Created through impregnating Ford through magic whipped up by Bill a mere few weeks before the portal test incident that severed their 'working relationship'. Ford was left pregnant for nearly 25 years on the other side of the portal as Bill had manipulated the gestation time as a threat, on top of the baby being half Euclidian so it was unpredictable- but wasn't able to change it when the connection between them was lost through dimensions. She was born through an emergency c-section during an attempted heist to get parts for the Destabilizer. Raised on the run, her aging seemed to be doubled, so by one year old she looked and acted like she was two, by two she looked and acted four, ect. Whether it was due to being half an energy being, a side effect of the extended pregnancy, or even something to do with jumping dimensions, no one can really say, but it seemed to stabilize when she was around other children in Gravity Falls when they were pulled back 'home'.

Personality: Highly intelligent and endlessly creative but with a habit of laser-focusing on whatever she's thinking of. Growing up as the 'sidekick' to Ford led her to extremely gung-ho when it came to adventuring, as well as somewhat socially awkward as she's never really interacted with anybody her own age on a regular basis- or had any friends other than her father. She often bites off more than she can chew, sometimes forgetting which memories are hers and which were Ford's as her abilities allowed her an open door to his head. (Although he does quickly learn how to build walls she can't get around, it's an unconscious instinct for her to 'share' even before birth, and she's more than once realized that the experience she thought she had wasn't actually hers, and she has to wing it.) Still, she'll always be in the thick of solving it and her somewhat reckless bravery can come in handy.

She keeps the fact that her other parent was Bill a secret, leaving her goggles on even when she sleeps until Dipper and Mabel find out soon after the events of Last Mabelcon when the goggles are torn off when she's trying to protect them. She feels deep-down guilt and fear at the idea she might be like Bill and might hurt people, and tries her best to be 'good' and 'the hero' in hopes that it'll stave off any 'Bill-ness' in her actions, although she only has secondhand accounts and memories of him, most of which Ford tries to keep locked away. (Even deeper down, she wonders if Bill ever actually wanted her as a daughter or just as a tool to manipulate Ford. She first meets him during Weirdmageddon, and then decides that even if he did, it doesn't really matter, because he hurt her family.)

Powers: Ability to shift into a small triangle form, can float in said form but can only hold up herself or very small objects that she's carrying. Her 'mind' powers are mostly centered around Ford at first as the pregnancy gave her a direct connection, but with time she's able to enter other people's dreams and give them 'suggestions' that they tend to follow once they wake up. Can turn food or even garbage into fuel for herself as her insides are essentially a giant furnace, which isn't really a power but is kinda cool. Can use a gun/knife/practiced in hand-to-hand combat.

Future: After Weirdmageddon is reversed, she ends up staying in the Shack with Soos and his grandma for a while after Stan and Ford go out sailing together, as she wants (and needs) to learn who she is outside of him and to get the chance to be a 'normal' kid. When The Book of Bill shows up as what appears to be a scrapbook of the three of them (Bill, her, and Ford) as a happy family and promises of making it happen, she's incredibly suspicious but she decides to go and visit him in Theraprism anyway, for closure if nothing else. He's a pathetic mess that's pretending not to be, but there's a nagging at her like pressing at a loose tooth and she returns every once in a while as he seems to be attempting to improve, and remembers things about her she's mentioned from visit to visit in the process.

She remains suspicious at first but slowly builds a relationship with him, discovering that time works strangely there and decades are passing for Bill in between each visit of hers. Eventually, he's allowed to be given a human form and taken into the care of the family, with warning buttons given to everyone to alert the Theraprism if he needs to be brought back into custody. The rest of the family is still understandably very wary, but by that point she's come around to him.

When she grows up, she becomes a traveling anthropologist and cryptozoologist, comparing human cultures and often finding local cryptids in each location.

#bea #bills and the bees #gf #asks #anonymous

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lifblogs · 2 years ago

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I pretty much never talk about this, but I feel like it's obvious I'm pro-choice. But I see so many people trying to sway others to be pro-choice by talking about what happens after the baby is born, and not at all what pregnancy or labor is like. I don't personally know what labor is like, but I do have a great interest in pregnancy for various reasons (1) I was pregnant once, and 2) I would like to be pregnant again and to have my own baby).

But seriously, carrying a baby is a lot. And no one seems to talk about it! There are lots of changes to your body, some permanent, like stretch marks, and I know those aren't always wanted (thought they should be normalized). But even in just the first trimester you get morning sickness (which is no fucking joke, I couldn't get out of bed pretty much every morning until I had some ginger ale, and even after that you can still get sick [I almost threw up in my mom's boyfriend's bathroom while helping out with stuff]), you might start disliking some of your favorite foods (which is upsetting), and your breasts might start to hurt (who wants that, right?).

This one woman I follow on TikTok got six cavities with her first pregnancy, and not just had her perineum torn while giving birth, but got two hernias and had to get surgery. And this was for a baby she wanted.

And then there's c-sections! That would be incredibly stressful, and that can leave scarring. They're only used in emergency situations, and I'm sure no one wants that.

But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. Later in pregnancy you can get a compressed nerve and not feel part of one or both of your thighs because of the weight of the baby against the nerve, you can get sick from being pregnant and need to be hospitalized long before the baby will come. (And what about twins? They are almost always premature, and carrying them is usually more tricky.) And just, let me tell you, the bladder issues because of the weight of the baby? Probably not fun. Peeing yourself in public is mortifying. I also want to add that when your milk comes in there are chances for mastitis and because of a stupid med I was on I know now that mastitis is painful and can make you feel pretty sick.

Now a lot of this is thinking about the baby going to full term. But what about miscarriages, and the baby dying or something going wrong with the baby and you have to have an induced labor to get it out of you. All of that is painful in multiple ways. But saying someone should remain pregnant literally does not even take miscarriages and complications into account. I had a miscarriage during the first trimester, and it physically hurt so much and made me feel so sick. If you get normal periods (meaning if you don't have endometriosis, PCOS, fibromyalgia, etc.), think of your worst period and then multiply it by maybe 5.

There are so many complications that can happen from conception to birth, and fucking anti-choicers don't have the grace to consider that, and they don't have the grace to consider how hard a normal pregnancy is.

Pregnancy is not easy, and there's a reason I'm working on healing my body before I want to try and get pregnant again. We should not be forcing people to go through all this hardship.

#pregnancy #pro-choice #miscarriages

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gossipaboutelonmusk · 1 year ago

Text

That time Grimes made a reddit post about how abusive Elon is.... Allegedly.

My (31f) boyfriend (49m) convinced me that we needed to stop talking to my mom. I figured out why and it's messing me up

relationship_advice

Original

throwRA-shifte

6216 2020-05-18 22:30:21

**edit: I decided it's in my best interest to delete the contents of this post.

Everything is under control, thank you all for all your help. Much appreciated.**

Going to do bullet points so this doesn't get to be 100000000 pages long. Also, the title is like, the tip of the iceberg so buckle up I guess

Also I have been up since 4 on 2 hours of sleep and my brain is fried all the time so bear with me pls be nice to me

together for almost 3 years

got pregnant unexpectedly; had a super difficult pregnancy with many complications including severe HG, bleeding, finding out I have a gene mutation that causes pregnancy complications and birth defects. We broke up at the beginning of my pregnancy because he thought I was being dramatic about the HG and refused to take me to the hospital. After i was taken to the hospital and the doctors told him how close to dying I had been he realised he'd been stupid and we reconciled.

I was in labor for almost 60 hours, things didn't progress properly, there were complications, I finally had an emergency c section. Baby was born on Star Wars day 🌟

recovery has been completely awful for me and once again my boyfriend has decided I'm being dramatic because "(Son) is an easy baby". This somehow doesn't cure my continued nausea, pain from having my abdomen opened and then stitched shut, rock hard boobs and sleep deprivation but thanks I guess. He changes diapers and holds/plays with baby when he's not working or fucking around on the internet.

So the stuff about my mom:

Shortly after we reconciled, he and my mom had a disagreement about something. At the time he told me that she was being toxic and trying to meddle in our relationship and that it was better if we ceased communication. He showed me screenshots from his phone that at the time seemed fairly convincing. My mom isn't crazy about him anyway, and she'd made no secret about that when we were separated, so even though I was surprised by the things "she" was saying I did believe him (and stupidly felt like it was the right thing to do to make things work with him).

It bothered me that he was constantly asking me if I had been talking to her and that he was paranoid about it but I was like well, what she said was really hurtful (basically that he was abusing me but that I was too stupid to see it and that she was going to come take our baby away so he wouldn't be raised by him), so I understand.

A couple of days ago I overheard him talking about me on a discord voice chat, basically complaining that I was being lazy and useless since I gave birth and that it was my "job" so I needed to suck it up and do it. I didn't let him know that I had overheard, but I was upset. Later on we were in the bedroom and the baby was losing his mind and I was having trouble getting him to latch and I was in so much pain and I just started crying and saying I wanted my mom. He snapped at me that my mom had filled my head with feminist garbage my whole life and that was why I was weak and couldn't handle something women had been doing for thousands of years. I was kind of floored. I'd never heard him say anything like that before. I told him he needed to leave and go sleep elsewhere because I was really hurt.

When he went to work the next morning I decided to call my mom and to see what the hell he has been doing on the internet, because I felt like that was the logical step to take.

I was not that surprised to find that he'd been on men's rights type websites (if you agree with that fine whatever) and was using them to express his frustration that although he'd thought he'd found an ideal young partner who would have babies and turn into an ideal housewife (which was so weird to read because I feel like I'm the furthest thing from some housewife type and I'm not shy about that, I guess my mom has been filling my head with feminist garbage my whole life after all 😂. When we first met it seemed like we had lots of shared interests and ideas and he enjoyed my independence), but that pregnancy had made me gross and useless and then giving birth made me even worse, saying the only good thing about me was that I had a boy my first go.

I was pretty surprised however to learn that the original conversation he and my mom had was about his attitude toward me but had nothing to do with him being abusive and she never threatened to take the baby, she just suggested to him that if he really loved me he would support me and be there for me. He told HER she'd never speak to me again and that she'd never meet her grandchild. She forwarded me the conversations.

I'm not wrong in thinking this is all totally fucked up, right? There's absolutely no saving a relationship like this? I know it seems pretty cut and dry when it's all laid out but like...I just need someone to give me some advice on what to do, where to go from here?

Edit: I'm okay and everything is okay but I may be quiet/slow to reply while I get some things sorted out. Thank you for all your advice.

Going to do bullet points so this doesn't get to be 100000000 pages long. Also, the title is like, the tip of the iceberg so buckle up I guess

Also I have been up since 4 on 2 hours of sleep and my brain is fried all the time so bear with me pls be nice to me

together for almost 3 years

I was in labor for almost 60 hours, things didn't progress properly, there were complications, I finally had an emergency c section. Baby was born on Star Wars day 🌟

So the stuff about my mom:

When he went to work the next morning I decided to call my mom and to see what the hell he has been doing on the internet, because I felt like that was the logical step to take.

Notes:

Source

Worth reading the comments section posted in the link.

Also, this article is a pretty good synopsis.

#elon musk #elongated muskrat #elon moschus #grimes #reddit #grimes music #baby #kids

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newtonsheffield · 3 years ago

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Soo like a how much we talking here for a smutty, sarcastic and hot/ tad angst… Doctor/Male Nurse, Doctor/EMT, Doctor surgeon /emergency patient.But I’m willing to shell out big bucks!!

This will cost you a packet of cheese and onion crips. I know my worth.

Okay, but Midwife Anthony and OBGYN Kate.

And she has no idea why he bothers her so much.

She’s not the kind of doctor who looks down on allied health workers. She’s not.

But Bridgerton is fucking cocky and arrogant, and the way he winks at her makes her uncomfortable, and the way he looks unfairly cute in his peach coloured scrubs and that stupid scrub hat that has cartoon uteruses on and at your cervix on it that definitely shouldn’t make the mum’s laugh.

But it does bother her. He gets under her skin, has since she was a house officer and she hates that when he walks up to her and winks and drawls Dr Sharma in that fucking voice of his she knows she’s going to sigh, and follow him into an on all room so he can fuck her against the door.

And she definitely doesn’t have feelings for him. She doesn’t. She keeps telling herself that until that day.

The day she’s called to a delivery Anthony was overseeing. On a perfectly healthy 23 year old mum, she comes as quickly as she can from her C section, leaving her house doctor to finish and when she gets there Anthony’s up to his elbows in blood, and it’s covering the floor and she’s horrified as well, the expression on his face is one she knows she’s going to see again and again when she closes her eyes at night. Her voice barely cracking as she calls out orders.

“Anthony, Anthony!” She catches his attention and his eyes lock on hers, “Anthony, I need you to focus okay. Get on and keep up compressions.”

He snaps to action, his training kicking in as blood trails on the floor the whole way to the operating room. But it’s not enough.

She can’t do anything. And that’s the thing people don’t understand about medicine. Sometimes, even now, there’s nothing to be done.

And she holds him in the stairwell while they both cry.

“There’s nothing you could have done, Anthony.”

“There has to be something, Kate, something I did wrong.”

And it breaks her heart, as his cries against her chest. “There wasn’t. There’s just… nothing we can do, but move on to the next person. And try to save them.”

“I think I’m in love with you.” His voice is muffled against her chest, but she hears it anyway. Things she’s not ready to hear from him. Things she might never be ready to hear. “And I know you don’t want me, and you think I’m an arsehole but I fucking care about you, Kate. And I’m tired of pretending I don’t.”

“Don’t do this today, Anthony. Not like this.” Not when it hurts him, and he’s clinging to her as the only thing that can save him.

“When then?”

She looks him dead on the eye then, their foreheads pressed together. “Go home. And sleep, then come back and Tell me you love me tomorrow.”

“What are you going to say? When I tell you tomorrow?”

“I’m going to say I love you too.”

#midwife/ob au #holy fuck #did I just fall in love with this?#kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly’s asks and answers

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missluckycharms · 3 years ago

Text

What is grief, if not love persevering?

Anon asked: heyyy! i love your writing sm💕 can you write angst please? make it hurt☹

Masterlist.

Summary: in which Harry is a single Dad due to losing his wife five years ago just shortly after their little love was born. Y/N has been there through it all. Harry has a rough night filled with whiskey and tears for his late wife.

A/N: this one is full of Angst and light hearted jokes to not get you too sad … sorry in advance, it’s a real tear jerker. Enjoy!!

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, talks of alcohol and drug abuse, talks of depression and very low mental health, curse words.

—

Five years.

It’s been five years since the passing of Myla Styles, the woman who granted Harry a wish he always wanted, the woman who loved him beyond all the galaxies and the woman who never saw any wrong in anyone, not even the worst of people, she always used to say “deep down, their heart is just aching” and Harry always admired that about her, she always looked on the positive side of life.

She held that same attitude as he held her hand in the hospital room, her fragile and pale body laying on the white bed as she peered up at him, oxygen tube in her nostrils and too many machines to count hooked up to her body, she was a shell of a woman, but she still had a heart of gold, the same hear Harry fell in love with when they were sixteen years of age. He hated seeing her this way, especially when their nearly one week old baby was resting in his other arm, fast asleep as her Mum clung to every bit of life she had left, but not once did her smile fade.

It all happened so fast, one day she was pushing life into the world and eight days later her life was being taken out of this world. There was complications with birth, the doctors and nurses finding undiagnosed ovarian cancer in her ovaries when they had to send her in for an emergency c section. Myla confessed she felt off, her body didn’t feel right, but she knew if something was seriously wrong, she wouldn’t risk the life of her baby getting treatment, she would rather her baby live over her. Doctors and nurses tried their best, trying to refer her to new hospitals to get stronger chemo if she wanted, but Myla refused, she told them to let her go, she was tired and she couldn’t stick around long enough to see if these treatments would work — she knew she was dying but Harry refused to believe it.

The day she left, was the day Harry felt like his whole world stopped, like the curtains were shut and he was left in a dark room with no way out. He promised Myla he would do his best to take care of their love, who they named Honey. He was dealing with the loss, Honey taking his mind off it a little and giving him reasons to pull himself from bed even on the days when he wanted to lay around and wallow in his own darkness — she pulled him out of those days, but two months later it all came crashing down on top of him.

He slipped into a wrong mind set, immediately knowing that Honey had to be taken away from him because he was living in fear he would hurt her, one day he woke up and he looked at her and just cried, he held her and he felt nothing, he didn’t even sympathise with her when she would cry for food, he felt nothing towards Honey and this scared him, terribly. Anne, his Mum took Honey in, letting Harry to relax and blow off some steam and get some help, his and Myla’s family all agreeing and saying he needed help and it wasn’t something to be ashamed about — he just lost his wife, they can’t lose him either.

Harry took the wrong route of clearing his mind and getting help, he found his therapy at the end of a bottle and a line of cocaine. He slipped into an endless spiral of week long benders and debts for drug money along with risking losing his home due to him quitting his high up job at his Fathers Law firm, he completely crashed and burned, he couldn’t live without her, he couldn’t stop his mind racing and the only way for it all to stop, and let him feel numb — was when he was drunk and high, passing out in every room of his home and in his garden, the neighbours finding him sometimes in their yard in a mess. They were the ones who got him help, they called up his family and they all rushed him off in an ambulance to get him sober and conscious again. Here is where he made the decision to sign himself into rehab, accepting the help the hospital offered and a few months later, he was out and clean, he stayed with his Mum until Honey turned one and that was the year Harry found his smile again, found his life and purpose again.

Looking back now, he doesn’t know how he ever made himself believe it was Honeys fault Myla was no longer here, he doesn’t know how he’s even alive because of all the drugs and alcohol he ingested every single night for three months solid, but he knows why everything turned around, it was his Angel looking down on him, guiding him and kicking him in the ass to get up and look after their little love, just like she asked him to do before she left, always look after himself and Honey.

It’s been five years since her passing, Harry is doing better than ever, he started working for his Dad’s company again and now he’s the president of the law firm, alongside his Dad who is the CEO, Harry being second in command and then being the CEO when his Dad retires from the firm. They kept their family home, even if it was just the two of them, they loved the home and it still felt like Myla was living here, her makeup still tucked away in her unused vanity in Harrys bedroom and her favourite paintings still hung up around the home. Harry even hired a nanny, she has been working for him for two years now, she’s even working alongside Harry in his office being his receptionist during the day and she’s Honeys afternoon and night nanny when she’s done in work and Honey is home from school.

Y/N is Honeys nanny, she takes care of the little lady and feeds her daily, even taking her to the playground and to the movies when Honey asked her could she go. She would do anything for Honey and Honey loved her endlessly, she loved the way she would allow her to eat sneaky chocolate bars after dinner every now and then and how she would always play dollies with her, kneeling down on the floor of the den and playing with the small girl until they were both in fits of laughter. Harry also adored Y/N, her passion for her job at the law firm along with her passion for looking after Honey is something he admires, she never once complains about being exhausted even though he can tell when she is, she didn’t have to think twice when Harry offered her the job as Honeys nanny, she knew the little one from her being in the office every now and then, and Honey was instantly drawn to her, the way she was so kind and the way she cared for Honey.

Tonight is a hard night for Harry, it’s Myla’s death anniversary and he’s been having a bad day, his mind racing and his heart breaking all over again, but this time he’s stronger, he’s able to power through until he could be alone and just let his emotions go, have a glass of whiskey and just cry a little flipping through old photo albums — he does this every year on her anniversary. Honey is tucked up in bed and he’s sat alone in the den on the sofa, the photo albums on his lap and his hand clutching a small glass of whiskey as he sips on it flipping through many photos from their wedding and from when they were teens and drunk in love in high school — so many memories can be attached to one person, and Harry knew one day they would be memories, but he didn’t know it would be so soon.

“Honey is fast asleep, left her door cracked open so she can shout if she- Harry? Are you okay?” Y/N stops suddenly, her eyes landing on her boss who was hunched over a photo album on the sofa, curtains drawn and the only light coming from a lamp beside a framed wedding photo of him and Myla on the table by the sofa.

“Yeah, thanks for putting her to sleep” Harry says weakly, not turning around which alarms Y/N, she’s seen him like this last year, she let him be as she was only new to it, but this year she’s determined to sit with him all night if he needs — he needs to have some company.

“That’s you?” She asks sitting next to him, Harry not moving or telling her to leave, he accepts her company as she looks down at the photo his eyes are laid upon — two teenagers at a party.

“Yeah, m’hair was a curly mess” he says with a low laugh, looking over the photo of a seventeen year old version of himself, smiling cheekily clutching a red solo cup and Myla wrapped under his other arm holding him around his waist, both their smiles wide and cheeky and their cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol in their bodies.

“I think it looks cute, pitty it’s not as curly now” she says with a light laugh, watching as his ring clad fingers turn the page, taking a sip from his whiskey as he goes.

“This was our prom, she made me wear a pink fucking bow tie — absolutely hated it” he laughs, the crinkles by his eyes evident as Y/N laughs along, looking down at the curly headed teenager in a black suit, white shirt and a bright pink bow tie, matching Myla’s floor length dress next to him, a shawl over her shoulders matching as the corsage around her wrist match the pink of her dress also.

“She hated that dress a year later, she was packing up for college and I was helping her when she found it, immediately burst out laughing” he says laughing loudly, remembering back at the memory he has, Y/N beside him happy at how joyful he sounds speaking of the memories.

“Oh here we go, Frat boy Harry!” Y/N says with a loud laugh, pointing down at a shirtless twenty year old Harry, backwards cap on his head and “Myla’s Bitch!” Wrote on his stomach in paint, two beer bottles in his hands and Myla on his shoulders cheering with her hands up in a red bikini, matching his swimming trunks and baseball cap.

“Some of the best years of m’life, raging parties and no more curfews, we were two hormonal teens absolutely smitten for one another” he says shaking his head with a laugh, his eyes bright as he flicks them over the photos ranging from Harry dancing, Myla being pushed into the pool by him and Harry passed out with a mustache drawn on him with Myla next to him holding the marker with a bright smile mid laughter.

The book is filled with their college days, to their graduation day from college, their photo in their first apartment, Harry on his first day of work and Myla on hers. They took photos of small things, but at the time they meant the world to them, they were milestones in their lives and they never wanted to forget them. Harry is forever grateful that Myla had an obsession with photography, otherwise he wouldn’t have these to look back on and hopefully show Honey one day what her Mum was like, even if she’s drunk and half naked in some of them at college parties.

Harry and Y/N are in fits of laughter, tears falling from their faces as Harry explains every single memory behind each photo, one photo containing a memory of Myla at her bachelorette party, Harry coming out as a stripper and giving her a lap dance as she slaps his ass and throws money all over her husband — that one will definitely not be shown to Honey. Harry is like a whole different person when he speaks about her, his laugh becomes louder and his eyes become brighter, he even ditched his whiskey after one glass to speak about his late wife, Y/N looking at him with pure amazement and proudness of how far he’s come, how he pulled himself from a hard time and carried on life for the sake of his baby girl. He’s truly inspirational in her eyes.

“It should be easier than this by now, right? Like I shouldn’t be still grieving” he says when their laughs and stories come to a stop, their eyes hooded with sleep and faces hurting from laughing.

“What is grief, if not love persevering? You were both childhood sweethearts, you’ve loved her since you can remember and you always will, she’s your whole world, of course you’ll still grieve her, you still love her, and that’s okay” Y/N blurts out, her words quick as she blabs on while Harry watches her, a smile on his face as she explains and accepts his feelings.

“Never knew you were Shakespeare” is all he says, she rolls her eyes laughing, slapping his bicep a little as he shuts the album, tucking it away in the drawer again before turning his focus back onto Y/N beside him.

“Seriously though, never tell yourself you’ve been grieving for too long, it’s okay to grieve and cry yourself to sleep some nights, I get that, I do. You lost a person who made you who you are, but don’t forget, you still have a little one that will need you to be the person who makes her who she is”

Harry thinks she’s amazing, she’s smart and she’s so empathetic towards everyone and anyone. She has a heart of gold and she will never let anyone explain hers or anyone else’s feelings for them, she always allows people to express who they are, heck, one night she brought Harry to a gym after hours, explaining how her brother is a trainer there and he gave her the keys on the condition that she does his laundry for a month, she let Harry rage out and punch the shit out of a punching bag one night because he was so upset. She cheered him on and he was smiling as he was punching towards the end, she helped him release the emotions that built up and would of lead him back down a dark path.

She’s been an Angel sent from above, he knows Myla sent her to him because of how much they’re alike, Harry knows for sure they were sisters in a past life, their kind hearts and understanding natures alike but they have their differences, Myla was very out spoken and loved to party but Y/N is reserved and would rather stay inside with a hot chocolate and her crosswords while watching TV, but that’s another thing that Harry finds fascinating about her, she’s younger than him by eight years, when he was her age he was partying.

“Thank you Y/N, I needed this tonight” he says with a smile, her own smile on her face as she nods leaning over to rub her hand over his in a comforting manner, the pair looking at one another as they soak in their presences.

“It’s getting late, I should go” she says realising it’s nearly midnight, Harry and her need to be in work tomorrow morning and Harry has to wake up to get his little lady ready for school also. He gets a bit saddened when she says this, he secretly wants to hear more of her own college years and her own prom much like he told her earlier.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow” he says with a smile, watching as she gathers up her bag and throws it over her shoulder, car keys now in her hand as she smiles at him once more before heading for the den door. She pauses and looks back at him, his eyes meeting hers as they hold contact for a few seconds before she speaks up.

“See you tomorrow, Harry”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #harry styles fandom #fan fic author #singledad!harry #dad!harry #anon <3 #anon ask #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles prompts #fan fiction #fan fic prompts #fan fic requests

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animeomegas · 4 years ago

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Omega!Shouto Pregnancy Emotions

Anon: This is a request take it if you like haha-Okay how is Todoroki (Shoto) while being prego? Does he get super sexual? Insecure? Happy? Moody? Scared? What does he feel and how do you react to those feelings?

(Hmm, okay, here are some of the primary emotions for Shouto during pregnancy. I hope you enjoy~)

Warnings: None

Some of the main emotions that impact Shouto Todoroki during his pregnancy:

Pained:

Because of Endeavour’s less than stellar parenting style and discriminatory beliefs towards omegas, Shouto’s reproductive system isn’t especially healthy. For that reason, some parts of pregnancy are more painful for Shouto than they would be for most other omegas.

One of the impacts is that the doctors recommend a c-section delivery. Male omegas have a higher risk of needing a c-section than female omegas in general, but Shouto’s hips and pelvis are not very flexible, so he’s at an even higher risk. His hips are not used to shifting, something that he should have experienced gradually starting from teenagerhood but did not because of the super strong suppressants he was on.

So, while he’s pregnant, the following things cause him a lot of pain:

Stomach aches – his stomach is flush against his uterus which is not behaving normally and giving him some problems. It upsets his stomach and it’s something that lasts for his entire pregnancy.

Lower back aches – his hips do try to widen in anticipation of delivering a baby, but it doesn’t work very well for him and is quite painful.

His chest – the doctors are originally unsure as to whether Shouto is going to be able to breast feed. They give him some extra hormones to stimulate milk production in the hopes that it will help. It does help actually, and Shouto is able to breast feed, but the hormones make his chest very swollen for most of his pregnancy. This is common in late pregnancy of course, but for Shouto it’s a little earlier than that and a little more jarring.

You felt helpless as you watched your mate curl up on the couch in pain, knowing there wasn’t anything you could do to fix it. He’d been having stomach and back pains all day and had to come home from work because they had been so bad. You’d also come home from work to pick him up and take care of him. You sighed to yourself as you looked down at him. He was only three months along, but it was looking like he might have to stop working sooner rather than later. Shouto would be miserable if he was forced to make that decision, but there was nothing either of you could do about it.

Shouto’s huff of frustration pulled you out of your thoughts. He was fidgeting with the heating pad that was wrapped around the right side of his tummy. He had been having some trouble balancing his temperature since he got pregnant and he couldn’t warm his stomach by himself. Losing quirk control wasn’t uncommon during pregnancy but having to use a heating pad did make Shouto embarrassed at first.

“How are you feeling?” you asked, kneeling down onto the floor beside him.

“Fine,” came Shouto’s muffled voice from where he had his face buried in a cushion.

“You don’t look fine,” you teased gently, linking you fingers with that hand that Shouto was using to fiddle with the heating pad. “Is something wrong with the heating pad?”

“No,” he huffed. “It’s just too small.”

Without missing a moment, you replied with,

“That’s what she said.”

“Who said what?” Shouto questioned, eyebrows furrowed.

You snorted at the joke going over his head. He was never good at understanding innuendo humour.

“It doesn’t matter, my love. But the heating pad is too small? Is your back hurting too?”

Shouto nodded, nuzzling into the cushion and messing up his hair as he did it. You smoothed his hair back down with a hand.

“I know it only needs to go on my right side, but I still can’t get it to sit right.”

You hummed in understanding.

“You want me to go and get a second one from the shop? Or a hot water bottle or something? Unfortunately, I’m not sure we have anything else in the house.”

Shouto hesitated, seeming unsure.

“I really don’t mind going, this is my fault after all,” you joked, placing a hand on his small bump.

“You’re warm,” Shouto muttered.

“I’m warm?”

Shouto blushed and didn’t respond. A teasing grin settled onto your face.

“Do you want me to lay behind you?”

Shouto nodded vigorously but didn’t make eye contact.

You agreed, quickly gathering some water and snacks to put within arm’s reach, before you awkwardly climbed behind Shouto and pulled him flush against your chest to spoon him. You started to rub his stomach to settle him.

Shouto relaxed under your attention and closed his eyes.

“Try to get some sleep, Shouto.”

Embarrassed:

Shouto doesn’t really suffer from insecurity, but he does get quite embarrassed sometimes at the new way his body is now working.

One very embarrassing thing that I’ve already mentioned is that his control over his powers weakens for the duration for his pregnancy.

During late pregnancy, hiccups involve accidentally setting objects in the house on fire. Shouto can put them out very quickly, but he still finds the fact that his iron clad control has degraded to be very embarrassing.

Another embarrassing thing for Shouto is the limitations on his independence.

Eventually, Shouto can’t put his own shoes on, or clean himself properly and he has to rely on his Alpha for all of it.

(Well, at first, his chosen strategy is just to keep trying by himself until he basically gives his alpha an aneurysm when he almost hurts himself by accident.)

Shouto gets moody and embarrassed when he has to ask for help for small things.

But by far the thing that embarrasses him the most, is his weak pregnancy bladder.

Sneezing becomes a dangerous game for him between the bladder and the spontaneous fire or ice usage.

At one point, Shouto refuses to have sex with his alpha for a couple of weeks because he’s too nervous that he’ll…er… well, lose control.

To deal with all the embarrassment, Shouto’s alpha needs to just downplay any incidents as much as possible, even going so far as to pretend not to notice certain things. This would go a long way in reducing Shouto’s anxiety and embarrassment. Also, indulging him when he says he wants to stay at home because he’s embarrassed will help him a lot.

To summarise, pregnancy weakens the control he has over himself in many ways, and Shouto becomes very embarrassed when he’s reminded of that.

Unfortunately for Shouto, pregnancy being horribly embarrassing is a fact of life.

Clingy:

It is very common for pregnant omegas to feel a lot more possessive and clingier with their alphas.

Hormones are all over the place, and omegas are technically at their most vulnerable (barring heats) so it is a very normal instinct to want to be around the person who their instincts consider as the safest and most able to protect them and their unborn pup.

Shouto is no exception. He pouts when you have to leave the house. He is not impressed at all if you come home with the scent of another omega clinging to your clothes, even if he knows the scent. He calls you about fifteen times on the days when you’re at work, mainly to ask when you’ll be back (even though he already knows), tell you innocuous things about his day, or ask you to pick something up from the shops on your way home.

Shouto is big on cuddling as well, and whenever you’re both in the house, he demands cuddles all the time. He’s a very minimalist nester and so he normally just throws on one of your hoodies and drags a pillow and a blanket onto the couch, before dragging you to lay with him.

(Shouto goes through so many films whilst he’s pregnant because he rarely gets off of the sofa and he likes to have a film playing while he lounges.)

Basically, everything feels better when his alpha is with him. All his alpha needs to do is make sure they’re with him as much as possible, especially in his third trimester, when he’s the most anxious and clingy. (Avoiding getting too close to other omegas is also probably a good idea. Pregnant omegas, including Shouto, can get very worked up about that.)

Your lunch break had just started, and like every other day for the past month, the second your lunch break started, your phone would ring. You picked up your phone in anticipation. Any second now…

Bzzzt. Bzzzt.

You smiled automatically as Shouto’s name popped up. You quickly swiped to answer and held it up to your ear.

“Hey, Sho, how’s your day going?”

“Good,” he answered, and you could distantly hear the shuffling of blankets as he rearranged himself on the sofa. “I finished the film Midoriya recommended today.”

“Oh, and how was it?”

“It was good but, I also finished the crisps you bought for me yesterday while I was watching it. Could you bring some more home tonight?”

“Uh huh, of course, baby,” you said, picking up a pen to jot ‘crisps for Sho’ at the top of your to-do list.

There was silence for a few moments as you listened to Shouto continue to shuffle around.

“When are you going to be back?”

“You know when,” you laughed gently. “Asking me isn’t going to make time go faster.”

Shouto whined into the phone, and you immediately sat up straighter. That wasn’t his normal reaction.

“Shouto? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I…” you could hear a small sniffle through the phone.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong, sweetheart? Do you want me to come home?”

“I… I’m sorry, you don’t have to come home, it’s okay.”

“Shouto, you’re freaking me out, tell me what’s going on?” you tried to keep your voice steady to soothe him, despite your own worries bubbling at the surface.

“No, it’s just that,” a small sob escaped him. “Your hoodie doesn’t smell like you anymore.”

You blinked for a moment before sagging in your chair in relief. It was pregnancy hormone induced crying, not emergency crying.

“It’s okay, Sho,” you cooed. “I’ll be home soon, and I’ll scent it as much as you want, I promise.”

“Hmm, okay…” he sniffed. “But come home quick, please.”

“I will, if we hang up now, I can work through my lunch break and head home early, sound good? Maybe you should watch another film and the time will go more quickly?”

“Okay… Goodbye…”

“Goodbye sweetheart, I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

#shouto todoroki #omega!shouto #omega!todoroki #alpha!reader #gn!reader #reader insert #abo #a/b/o #omegaverse #headcanons #mpreg #shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #scenario #pregnant todoroki

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kiame-sama · 4 years ago

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28 Years (5th Pregnancy)- Yandere!Silva x Reader

Warnings; yandere relationship, yandere tendencies, yandere behavior, yandere, mention of past trauma, pregnancy, c-section, more arguing, vasectomy, Zeno is so done with his son's bullshit

"No. We are not doing this again. I won't allow it!" "Hey, I told you how to fix this from ever happening again." "I did use protection. It clearly didn't work." "I didn't say 'use protection' did I? I said you should get a vasectomy since it's clear that regular protection and emergency medication doesn't work!" "I shouldn't have to-"

"ENOUGH!"

You and Silva fell silent at the firm and loud command from Zeno, looking over at the frustrated elder assassin. He happened to be holding young Alluka in his arms while the infant whined and cried from all the noise, compelling you to take the young child and set to comforting the infant. Alluka quickly quieted once in your grasp and allowed you to return your attention to the matter at hand, the new heartbeat that originated from within you.

You had been trying to avoid a third pregnancy given your prior back-to-back pregnancies and your already fragile health, yet here you were with another infant growing within you. You assumed something like this would happen, given your past attempts with contraceptives and how little they actually worked. Naturally, you suggested Silva have a vasectomy as it was not only a surefire way, but also a reversible surgery.

Originally, you suggested getting your tubes tied despite the danger that came with it but Silva quickly shot down the idea with his usual explanation of not wanting to lose you. Silva knew somewhere in him that the typical contraceptives wouldn't work, given the fact that he had used several similar methods to trigger a termination of prior pregnancies you were unaware of. He had hoped in some way that your body hadn't built up a resistance to them, but he also knew it was going to happen eventually.

He did plan on undergoing a vasectomy when you had first suggested it, but he quickly forgot about it in favor of getting to finally fuck you senseless now that your body had somewhat recovered after your most recent pregnancy. He had just been so relieved you were able to be brought back from your cardiac arrest following his mistake of once again taking your child away, and couldn't help himself from indulging in his favorite pass-time; fucking you. It was clear to everyone how addicted Silva was to you, in the way he would always return to your side after a job, how he would guard you jealously from anyone other than himself.

He was so whipped for you.

But now, you had a serious choice to make for your future and the future of the life already growing within you. It wasn't hard to guess what Silva wants to have happen, and some part of you agreed after enduring all that you had. Yet... You still felt that maternal connection already forming, wanting to protect all of your children from Silva, even the new child within you that had yet to take even a first breath.

"You're not keeping it." "Yes, I am." "No. I won't tolerate this again!" "Good thing you aren't the one who has to tolerate it. Last time I checked, its my body that goes through all the strain and effort of pregnancy, not your’s." "Are you doing this just to hurt yourself? To try and exhaust your body to the point of death?" "... Again, last time I checked, I wasn't the cause of my heart stopping." "..."

Silva stood silently, passive expression on his face as he wrestled with his own mind over the matter at hand. On one side, you were right; he was the reason he almost lost you, he's been the reason every single time. Even if it was complications during birth, it was still his fault entirely for getting you pregnant in the first place. On the other, he knew the immense toll another pregnancy will have on your body and the chances of you dying during birth increased with each one. The odds were not good.

It was then Silva spoke, his voice gentle and not at all like what you were expecting him to growl out with. It was the voice you scarcely heard on those far and few between days Silva would be truly gentle in every way, usually reserved for when he decided to honestly apologize to you for something. He was proud and cold, but there were those moments when that pride was set aside, when he would actually explain how he felt instead of leaving it at short sentences that never offered answers.

"(Y/n), don't do this again. Don't stubbornly hold on to this one. I know you already love it, as you love all of our children, and you will always fight for their safety no matter what, but for once you need to let me win. Let it go." "... If I say 'no', will you take it from me anyway?" "(Y/n)..." "Are you going to take my baby away from me again, Silva?" "..."

A soft sigh left Silva's lips as he frowned, knowing you were going to win the argument regardless of what he said or did. He knew he owed you more than he could give and there was no way he would force you to give the child up. If you truly wanted to keep it, he wouldn't be able to convince you otherwise. Still didn't mean he had to like it.

"There is no sense in saying the obvious or telling you the risks you run having another baby so soon after your two prior pregnancies." "I know..."

Zeno hummed in a contemplative way, knowing Silva would refuse to go out on a job while you are pregnant and he had already refused to leave the Zoldyck estate in favor of keeping an eye on you. Given how intensely and fiercely he protected you, Zeno knew the immense toll the pregnancies have taken on Silva as well as you. But no one in the family wanted a repeat of the events that took place after Silva had taken Alluka away from you without telling you.

It was going to be a long eight months.

~~~~Four Months~~~~

"You need to sleep, (y/n)." "But what if something happens?" "Nothing is going to happen." "You don't know that..."

Silva frowned as he watched you pace in front of the couch in your shared rooms, chewing on your lip as you cradled your youngest in your arms. The child had already fallen asleep in your arms an hour ago, yet you still held on securely and refused to set your baby down for even a moment. Silva had seen the way you reacted to Illumi being taken and the subsequent over protective behavior you showed once you got him back in your arms.

Your behavior now was similar to how you behaved then, refusing to let your infant out of your sight to the point of impacting your health negatively. Silva knew you were reacting the way you were because of how he had managed to take Alluka from you in the first place. He had taken Alluka while you were sleeping even though you slept with the infant swaddled in a pile of blankets in your arms, so now you refused to sleep in fear Alluka would disappear from your arms once again.

Now he had to face the lasting consequences of his actions in the form of soothing you to the point of trusting him once more. It was going to take a while, however, as Silva had broken your already fragile trust yet again by stealing away your newborn, so it was unlikely he would be able to get you to trust him completely any time soon. Instead of the trust he once had, he had to watch you slip away into anxiety driven behavior due to his careless and selfish behavior.

It was driving him mad to watch you slip into such frenzied behavior, especially given the fact that you were enduring your third pregnancy in a row. Not only did you need sleep now more than ever, but you also had been refusing food in favor of feeding Alluka instead. It infuriated Silva to no end, as he had no choice but to let your anxious behavior play out until you calmed down once more. He wasn't going to chance doing anything that may be upsetting to you, but that also meant he wasn't going to force you to rest no matter how much he wanted to.

"At least sit down, (y/n)." "With you? No. No, not again." "I swear to you, I won't take-" "You've said that before, and it didn't stop you from taking Alluka away from me." "I'm aware I made a mistake, but I assure you-" "No."

It was going to be a long four months until you gave birth again and potentially trusted him once more.

~~~~Six Months~~~~

You hummed as you looked down at where your darling Alluka slept, curled up and held securely in the arms of Illumi. Silva had reached a breaking point when it came to your anxious and stressed behavior, deciding to allow Illumi to be by your side consistently so you would finally relax and get some much needed sleep. The presence of your eldest nearby did wonders to soothe you, trusting in your son to take care of his little sibling and keep Silva from stealing the infant away.

Though Silva disliked the fact that he had to share your attention and affection with his eldest son, the alternative was far worse in his opinion. You had gotten to the point of rarely sleeping so you could ensure Silva could not steal your baby away, draining yourself immensely in the process to the point you were not only rapidly losing weight, but you were becoming far less coordinated by the day. When enough was enough, he consulted his father on what his next step should be and the answer was obvious; let Illumi help take care of your wellbeing.

Your eldest practically jumped at the chance to spend unlimited amounts of time with you, not even perturbed by the fact that he had to take care of his youngest sibling. An extra cot was added into the bedroom, allowing Illumi to be present for around the clock assistance in child-care and to give you the added comfort of having your most trusted son nearby. You ensured to teach him how to properly hold an infant and how to soothe Alluka's fussing relatively quickly, only strengthening your motherly bond with Illumi by allowing you to put full faith in him with Alluka's well-being.

For once, Silva's plan worked like a charm. Not only did you finally start catching up on the rest you needed, you began to eat your meals with Illumi and therefore began to eat regularly once more. Along with your physical health, your mental health began to improve as well. You started smiling and talking more, resting with surprising ease in the arms of the very man you refused to so much as blink around only weeks prior.

Thanks to your teachings, Illumi was a rather brilliant nanny in your stead. Alluka would hardly make a peep when held in the comforting arms of Illumi and similarly, Illumi would make little to no noise while caring for his sibling. Even if he had more responsibilities with taking care of Alluka, Illumi wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. He could spend time with you, talk with you, relax in your maternal love and affection.

Truly it was a win for all three of you. Alluka was always cared for. Illumi was finally able to spend more time with you. You were able to relax for the first time in who knows how long. Even Silva had relatively few losses, given how much more affectionate you were with him now you knew your infant was safe.

~~~~Eight Months~~~~

Silva paced outside of the delivery room, looking up almost every minute to check the time before resuming his endless pacing. He was much like a caged lion or bear, pacing just to pass the time and to do something other than sit still. He certainly was far more dangerous than any of those animals combined, only serving to add a rather pointed reminder to any doctor of what their fate would be should they fail.

But that was the whole purpose of this endeavor, to ensure nothing failed. Surely nothing could have gone wrong with all the precautions that were put into place.

Surely.

Either way, the long time it was taking only served to make Silva more anxious and his presence all the more intimidating. It in truth had only been a few hours since you went under so the doctors could perform a c-section to safely deliver what would be your fifth child. After the close calls with both Killua and Alluka as well as the fact this was your third back-to-back pregnancy, Silva wanted to take no chances with your life.

A c-section was how Killua and Alluka ultimately had to be delivered despite the fact you were able to have a 'typical' birth with Illumi and Milluki, so naturally it would only make sense for your fifth child to be delivered via c-section. It didn't sit well with Silva, however. Nothing would sit well with him until you were safely out of surgery and in his arms.

But what was taking so damn long?

"For fuck's sake, Silva, sit down. Pacing doesn't make it go faster and intimidating the doctors will only make it more likely for them to mess up." "Their lives are forfeit if they so much as make a single mistake." "And they know this. They've known this. All you're doing is adding another element no one wants to deal with."

Despite his father's chiding words, Silva continued to pace and glare at nothing in particular. Where it always seemed as if the man had a scowl on his face, it seemed ten times worse given he was actually scowling. The moment the door opened, Silva was pushing past the frightened doctor and into the room where his wife lay motionless.

For a moment, Silva felt an honest pang of fear in his chest when he saw you were not awake, the ever present beep of the EKG soothed him to know you were still alive and merely unconscious. The doctors all scattered like frightened rats, scurrying away from the intimidating mountain of a man who silently pulled up a chair, sitting by your side and refusing to take his eyes off of you.

Zeno, Maha, Milluki, and Illumi entered the room in a much calmer manner as they also came to stand around you. Alluka had been moved into Zeno's care given the impending delivery of the new addition to the family, and Illumi stood ready to receive the newborn and care for it while you recovered. Everyone had been preparing for the newborn in their own way, from the butlers ensuring the utmost safety to Zeno taking over Alluka's care, it seemed everything was finally prepared for and taken into account.

Meanwhile, in the past month, Silva had finally undergone a vasectomy so there would be no further chance of yet another pregnancy threatening your future with him. It was possible that it could be reversed and so it was the only surefire way no unexpected pregnancy would happen again. Where Silva felt he would have no reason to reverse the change since he already had five children, the option was always still available should something ever come up.

Perhaps finally there could be peace in the house. At least, peaceful enough no sudden pregnancy could threaten your life. Now all that needed to happen was getting the new infant out before Silva could finally have you all to himself once again.

He could wait. He could wait as long as he needed to. Because in the end, you would always be his.

#x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #female reader #reader insert #yandere silva #daddy silva #yandere silva zoldyck x reader #yandere silva zoldyck #yandere silva x reader #28 years story

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wenevergotusedtoegypt · 2 years ago

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Been thinking a lot about how to process and conceptualize of my birth experience. I honestly feel traumatized, but it’s hard to explain even just to myself exactly why.

The obvious answer would be “um hello, you had a completely unexpected NICU baby!” but that’s...not actually the issue? In that it was traumatizing, yes, but I feel like my brain had fairly solid coping mechanisms in the moment and that experience is basically processed and done. I get a little start sometimes when I see the scar from where his chest tube was inserted while changing his clothes (it’s nothing major, just a little maybe half-inch indentation near the side of his chest), but when I think about potential future births I’m not really more worried than before this birth that something similar could happen. I don’t see myself being preoccupied with it during a future pregnancy. I don’t really think about it regularly. In the moment my brain kind of disconnected from the baby in a way that felt weird as a protective measure, especially before we were allowed to hold him, but once he got out of the NICU I bonded normally with him. The NICU isn’t the ongoing issue.

So the actual labor/birth then. My completely natural birth with no interventions (which was what I wanted) that resulted in only a 2nd degree tear that’s healed really well (better than last time) attended by a midwife I liked and a doula who actually showed up and I liked and found helpful, and that lasted only about 1/4 the time of my previous birth. Wow, soooooo traumatizing. Yeah, the baby ended up being posterior and that hurt a lot more than my first, anterior, baby. Yeah, that ended up meaning that I didn’t get to push in the position I originally wanted to because it wasn’t conducive to the baby’s positioning. Yeah, I started having sort of an anxiety attack shortly before pushing and didn’t feel like I got the support I needed for it from the people in the room (although I’m not really sure what that would have entailed anyway). Yeah, I felt kind of disconnected from my body when it came time to push and didn’t feel it came to me as naturally as with my first birth for some reason and felt even less in control. But people literally almost die and bleed out in childbirth, their babies almost die or they have a stillbirth cv”s. People have emergency c-sections. People end up getting put under general anesthesia and aren’t even aware they’ve delivered their babies. I know someone who had an emergency c-section after a stalled induction and then her incision opened back up a few days later. I know someone who had an accidental home birth with only her husband present with her first baby.

It just seems ridiculous to feel traumatized by this experience? My previous labor lasted 4 entire days, I had to get a catheter during early labor because I couldn’t pee and had a horrible midwife for that part of things, later I came back and they kept saying there was no room even in triage for me and then it turned out (once they finally checked me out) that i was ready to push and had a baby half an hour later, the doula I hired couldn’t come and the replacement didn’t show up til the last minute and wasn’t a good fit...and while no, I do not think of that as the greatest experience of my life by any means, I have never really conceptualized of it as traumatic. But this time, labor was 26 hours from the 1st contraction, no catheter, got admitted right away when we went to the hospital, only had midwives I liked, doula showed up and I liked her, nothing major really went wrong apart from the NICU, which again, is not the problem....and that’s so traumatizing?

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babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

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Baby Gubs (Matthew Gray Gubler / Reader)

Requested: Yes

"Matthew x reader, his wife (the reader) goes into labor, and the next story is the same thing but spencer Reid x reader."

Summary: Matthew Gray Gubler is having a hard time putting his shit together when his wife goes into labor.

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler/Reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings: I curse. We all know it.

Word count: 1,3K

A/N: Here's the second part!! I hope you like it!

Masterlist

You can also read Baby Reid

- "Ok! It's ok! Everything is ok!"- Matthew ran downstairs and left a bag next to the door. Then, he ran to the kitchen and came back, carrying a bottle of cold water.

- "What ar..."- his wife looked at him confused, sitting on a couch, trying not to laugh, as she caressed her big pregnant belly, trying to breathe each time she felt a contraction. It was time, their son was coming, and Matthew was... well, he was all over the place.

- "You might get thirsty.... oh shit! I have to stop for ice!!"- Gubler kept running all over the house, rambling, hysterical.

- "Matthew..."

- "The doctor said you might eat some ice. I don't remember why... but I have to get you ice."

- "Matthew..."

- "I don't know if I put everything in the bag...."

- "Gubs!!"- (Y/N) slowly stood up and walked to her husband, who was clearly freaking out- "The contractions started just half an hour ago. My water hasn't even..."

But the water that ran down her legs as she spoke stopped her immediately, and she just widened her eyes.

- "What the hell is that?!!"- and Matthew Gray Gubler freaked out even more- "Are you in pain??! are you ok?!"

- "I'm ok. This means my water just broke, but I'm fine. Your son will join us shortly, so I think it's the right time to go to the hospital."- (Y/N) said in the calmest and softest tone of voice she could. She could see her husband's face. He was panicking.

- "Ok, ok... let's go,"- he answered, but didn't move an inch- "I'm not feeling alright. I think I'm gonna puke."

(Y/N) smiled and offered him the bottle of water he had given her earlier.

- "Come on, Gubs, breathe, you can do this. You liked making the baby. You are gonna love this part too."

Matthew Gray Guber thought he was prepared for that day. He and (Y/N) got everything ready as the due date of their baby approached. They had their bags ready. They had weekly check-ups with their doctor, and the midwife (Y/N) wanted to deliver their baby.

Matthew was sure he was ready. But he wasn't. Not because he was scared to be a dad. He was born to be a father, and he couldn't wait to hold his son in his arms and play with him. Teach him how to walk, how to ride his bike, take him to Disney, and watch him grow up. He had so many plans for his family. But right that minute, all he felt was fear.

Fear of ruining everything. Fear of being the worst father. Fear of being a bad husband. Fear of letting his wife down.

Somehow, getting closer to fatherhood had also made him feel vulnerable. Aware of all of his mistakes and flaws.

- "Honey, are you ok?"- (Y/N) whispered and rubbed his leg sweetly as he drove to the hospital.

- "Yes, yes, I am. How are you, Bunny? how do you feel?"

- "We are ok. I'm texting your mom and my parents."

- "Great, awesome."- Matthew looked at the road and gripped the steering wheel tight. Too tight. His fingers were turning white.

- "Breath, honey."- (Y/N) smiled, thinking she never imagined her husband was going to be so nervous- "Everything will be ok."

- "I know. I know."- he didn't know. He wanted it to be ok, but he was freaking out. "What if." That was all that was in his mind.

- "But, what if I'm a bad father?- he confessed and sighed, defeated by his own fears- "I mean, you are already an amazing mom, look at you, keeping your shit together while I freak out"- his wife smiled and nodded

- "The only reason why I'm not freaking out is that you are here, and I know no matter what, you will always do your best to..."- but she couldn't continue talking. She held her breath and closed her eyes. It was getting harder.

- "Breath, Bunny. You are doing great. Just five more minutes, and we'll be there."

(Y/N) meant it. She was only keeping her shit together because Matthew was by her side. She was glad he was home when the contraction started, and her water broke. If he had been at work, she could have lost it. (Y/N) was scared of being alone during that whole process after her best friend had a severe complication at the delivery room and had an emergency c-section. Her baby nearly died, and (Y/N) was terrified something like it might happen to her too.

She was scared of everything that could go wrong, and the only person to make her feel safe was her husband, Matthew Gray Gubler, even when he was freaking out.

- "Ok, there's not much time,"- the midwife warned as soon as she checked up (Y/N)- "Honey, we are doing this right now."

- "What?!"- and (Y/N) freaked out- "I need the drugs! Please, give me the drugs! It hurts too much!"

Matthew's heart stopped. (Y/N) was crying in pain, as the midwife prepared everything as fast as she could, along with some nurses.

- "I'm sorry, Mrs. Gubler, but your son is ready to come, and we don't have any time."

- "I can keep him inside a little long, I swear, just... give me something! Please!"- (Y/N) cried in pain and fear.

- "You can do this, Bunny"- Matthew stood by her side, holding her hand and kissing it several times- "I'm here, I'm with you, ok?"

- "But, but..."

- "I know you are scared, I am scared too, but we are going through this together, ok?"

- "No human is coming out of you!!"- she cried and yelled in pain- "Shit!!"

- "Bunny, I would do this for you if I could, but I can't. So please"- Matthew leaned in and kissed her forehead- "Do you want me to call your mom?"

- "No!!"- she held onto his hand as tight as possible- "I want you! I need you!"

- "Ok, ok, then, breath, Bunny. I'm with you, always."

The adoration in Matthew's eyes was undeniable. He was staring at his wife with the deepest and purest love. He was scared, but if there was one thing he was sure about in his life, he wanted to have a family with (Y/N) and make her happy every day.

- "One more push Mrs. Gubler!"

The midwife announced, and soon, in the middle of a chaotic moment, with (Y/N) nearly yelling in pain and Matthew desperately cooing her, there was a cry. And it was a heart-stopping cry. Matthew looked at his son for the first time as the midwife carefully place him on his wife's chest. Gubler broke into tears immediately. He sobbed and laughed at the same time, kissing his wife's lips and staring at their baby in awe.

- "We made a human"- he whispered, and his wife nodded- "How are you feeling?"

- "Never been better"- she whispered and caressed carefully their baby's face- "Hello, baby Gubs."- Matthew chuckled at those words and wiped away the tears from his eyes.

- "Say hello to your daddy,"- (Y/N) muttered and handed the baby to her husband. He carried him as carefully as possible, feeling he was holding the most precious thing in the whole world.

- "Hello, Vincent, I'm your dad. I'm sorry, buddy, but you are stuck with me forever now. I'm not good at sports, but I swear I'm always going to be there to play. I can teach you magic, and we are watching all the Disney movies you want, always. And I promise I will always keep your mommy happy because she is the woman of our lives, and you are the only man on earth I could ever share her love with, ok?"

The baby was no longer crying and looked at his father with his tiny eyes for a moment before the midwife took him.

- "You are amazing,"- Matthew whispered and kissed (Y/N)'s forehead.

- "I wouldn't have done it without you"- she answered and looked at his eyes, still filled with tears.

- "I didn't do anything."

- "We are a team"- she answered and smiled- "Team Gubs."

- "Team Gubs"- he repeated and smiled- "I love how it sounds. I'm making t-shirts with our names."

- "Of course you are."

#Matthew Gray Gubler #spencer reid #mgg fanfic #fluff #matthew gray gubler fanfic #mgg x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #spence reid fanfic #criminal minds #babymetaldoll writes

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