#but it was so fucking funny

[aro-luigi]

Remembering that time we were posted to r/fakedisordercringe

(for saying the word "yes". I'm not kidding)

[adderallbastard]

the white girl scream my girl bsf let out when he said "cocaine n drinkin with your friends" the other night was insane

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

the funniest part of my appointment was the doctor saying “hey these are your radioactive pills so you gotta put em in your mouth and swallow immediately” so i said yes absolutely and tilted my head back and popped the pills in and then followed with the water like a chaser, subsequently dumping the water all over myself in the process

[vivizzy]

I went to the theater to watch Beetlejuice Beetlejuice with low expectations and. IT WAS REALLY GOOD??? SUPER FUNNY?!?!?!

[gogotti]

He went down immediately after and went “is all this blood mine?” ADAM MY BABY IM SO SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nothing-behindher-eyes]

[sadclowncentral]

nearly had a medical emergency today because - and i cannot stress enough how little i am making this up - a helicopter landed in front of an open grain silo while i was getting off my ship and i am deathly allergic to the wheat that said helicopters rotor blades proceeded to blast in my face at full force. the cosmic forces are plotting against me ass situation to be in

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[ribstongrowback]

hey i can't make it to Sorry For Visiting Wanton Destruction Upon Your Populace For No Reason Day yeah uhm its just that like you didn't invite my war crime friend and i think its kinda fucked up that you did that

[violettea]

Yesterday at work, I have some kid yell "Miss Tea! Adam said the A word!" So I go over to talk to the kid who supposedly said it, and I go "Adam, did you say the A word?" And he shakes his head no. So I follow up by asking if he knows what the A word is, and he says yes. I'm like "Alright Adam, can you tell me what you did say?" And this kindergartener, deadpan, goes "I told him I was gonna kick his ass".

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[mobblespsycho100]

touden stare down

[spacetravels]

today at work i got hit with a plane

[monophobix]

lesbian situationship vs gay situationship

[i-am-bored]

I can’t stop laughing at this

[mr-malumm]

Rewatched episode 1, have we considered this?