#but it still feels like it doesn't touch on much of my writing
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Love your DC content!! Can you write something olderbf bruce becoming a parent with younger reader? Or bestfriend jason finding out reader is dating dick?
Thank you 💜
Omg absolutely!! Tysm for the request and I definitely want to write the one for Jason at some point in the future, buttt for now, because its 2 AM, you'll get some OlderBF! Bruce :)
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OlderBF! Bruce Wayne Becoming a Parent
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who finds out that you're pregnant before you even know. To be fair, it didn't take the world's greatest detective to notice the menstrual products in your master bathroom that haven't been touched in the past two months or so.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who makes you feel silly for ever being nervous about telling him that you're pregnant, even though he's freaking out a little on the inside.
Your day was long. Long enough that your back had been aching and your feet and ankles were sore. Hell, you could barely keep your eyes open while standing, how the hell could you exoect yourself to stay awake while laying down on one of the lavish couches in Wayne Manor's library? But, in the blink of an eye (literally), you were awoken by Bruce carefully taking off your shoes. Had you really just passed out on the spot? Pregnancy symptoms must've been hitting you a little harder than you thought...
"Any morning sickness today?" He asks casually as he finishes taking off your other shoe before pressing a kiss to your knee.
"No... It's been alright." You answer without thinking too much about the question. But after a few moments of relishing in the heavenly feeling of Bruce rubbing your swollen feet, the question clicks. "Wait, I can explain-"
"And so can the pads and tampons in the bathroom that haven't been used in two months." He answers before you can finish, his tone as casual as if he were talking about the rainy Gotham weather. "Were you going to tell me?" Bruce asks as he continues his minstrations on your sore feet, his thumbs pressing into your aching arches.
"Of course I was." You answer without hesitation, because you knew you could never keep a secret from Bruce for too long. He was far too observant for that. Yet another difference between him and the younger guys you've dated. "I just couldn't find a good time."
"Look at me, sweetheart." His voice is soft as he tilts your chin towards him, gently stroking your jaw in such a soothing manner that you may just fall asleep again. "Any time is a good time to talk to me about something like this, alright? I don't care how many work meetings I have or how late it is; you are always my top priority."
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who doesn't expect you to keep the baby, nor does he let you go through making a decision on your own. By the time you hit your third month, the two of you had talked maybe three to four times about what would be best for you, because you are the most important person in his life.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who is immediately at your side for every will and command from that moment on. He knows that this is your first child and just how hard the pregnancy will be on your body, so he refuses to risk anything. You need water? He's already there with a glass and small snack for you. You need to use the bathroom on one of the rare nights that he's home? He's already helping you out of bed and giving you long, tired hugs as soon as you stand before leading you to the master bathroom.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who starts taking a few more nights off whenever he can from his patrols just to be there for you and the tiny life inside your womb. He trusts that Dick can handle Gotham for a few nights on his own every once in a while, for your sake.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who still hasn't told you about his double life as a vigilante, but finally starts considering it. As soon as he started looking at rings, he knew he'd have to come clean eventually. He needed you in his life far more than he thought he'd ever need anyone or anything.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who doesn't let the paparazzi near you at all throughout your pregnancy. In fact, he's tried to keep you inside as much as possible to avoid them, since the two of you never made a public announcement. It was for your safety as much as it was for his sanity.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who is right there as soon as the contractions start (after his initial shock and internal panic attack). He doesn't leave your side for a moment, not even when he's certain you've fractured something in his hand from how hard you're gripping it.
There was almost a swarm of motion around you in the private hospital room you were set up in. Your contractions were coming in strong, and so was your grip on Bruce's hand. "Bruce, I can't do this," well, its a little late for that, "it's too much." You're practically sobbing at this point as you feel the foreboding pressure of an oncoming attraction in your uterus.
"Yes, you can." Bruce is sitting in a chair right next to your bed, the guardrail down while he has one arm around your shoulders and his free hand being crushed by your grip. "I'm right here. You've already made it this far, sweetheart."
And, for a moment, you almost believe him. Until another contraction comes rattling through your body, this one far stronger than the rest you've experienced. "I cant, I can't, I can't, I can't." Is all you can cry out in utter agony, your knuckles turned white as you grip Bruce's hand.
"Do you have any idea how close you are to being done?" He asks as he gently rubs your shoulder, trying not to show just how painful your grip on his hand is. "Five more minutes, alright? Five more minutes of suffering for a lifetime of happiness. Do you think you can handle that for me, sweetheart?"
And, despite your body feeling like its burning and being torn in half, you nod. In what feels like mere moments later, the sound of shrilling cries fill the delivery room. Bruce swears it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who, for the first time in literal years, cries while holding your infant. His face is red, cheeks are tear-stained, and his beautiful blue eyes are puffy and watery: the same beautiful blue eyes that your baby has.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who is pampering you in affection and attention for the entire time you're in the hospital. Every single craving you've had but couldn't satisfy for the past nine months, he already has brought to you in bed.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who, when the baby is taken by nurses for examinations a day or two after the birth, shows you a ring. A beautiful, beautiful ring that fits your left hand perfectly and shimmers in the bright hospital lights. Your engagement ring.
OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who has a private, simple wedding with you, Alfred, his adoptive children, and your beautiful newborn. The press was too risky to deal with for a public wedding, and Bruce wanted those special moments to just be for your family, not for the media's prying eyes.
OlderHusband! Bruce Wayne who is there for as many milestones as he can be. First steps? He's got the camera. Their first words? "Dada." Their baby teeth coming in? He's already bought those little tooth-shaped containers for when they fall out in a couple of years.
OlderHusband! Bruce Wayne who always knew it was you. You were the best thing to have ever happened in his life, and he refused to mess that up. He knew that, eventually, he would have to tell you about his double life as the Caped Crusader, but he'd cross that bridge when he got to it.
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Masterlist
#batfam#batfamily#batman#dc#bruce wayne#bruce wayne fluff#bruce wayne x reader#dc comics#dcu#dc universe
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Hi teh needing some all time comfort so can I request for Trey, Jade and Floyd where their S/O got injured? Like sprained their ankle or something. Or broke their toe nail from taekwando because they had a miscalculation kick🙂
(Totally did not happen to me haha)
It Hurts, Doesn't It?
Warnings: bad writing, awful grammar, not proofread, trey's is suggestive kyahhh idk what i wrote for him
A/N: Sige beh para sayo <3 HAHAHAHAAHAHA unahin ko req mo kasi kawawa ka naman pagbibigyan na kita. My phone died and it ain't charging on any cable so I'm gonna cry haha goodnight good morning good afterevening
Masterlist
Trey's hands are warm and gentle, massaging your ankle with practiced motions. "You uh, do this often?" you wince when he rolls it a bit too much to the left.
"Too much. Children are clumsy."
"I'm not a child."
He shoots you an unimpressed look over the top of his glasses, his fingers slowly pressing on the spots that make you hiss and thrash under his touch. "Stay still or it won't get any better."
"Okay," you pout, "big brother."
There's something dangerous in his honey dipped eyes that makes you attempt to pull back, but there's just no escaping him when he gently tugs on your leg and makes you lose your balance. "You aren't my sibling," he whispers, "and I am not your brother." You get it, you really do. You nod your head and try to pull back again, but suddenly, his lips are on your skin, pressing light kisses over the painful parts.
"What are you—?!"
"I wouldn't do this for my siblings," Trey's kisses slowly continue to climb up your leg, "so don't call me that again."
Floyd thinks the situation is funny, so he pokes and prods at the reddened skin on your ankle while laughing. "Shrimpy, how'd you manage to do that? Did you trip over yourself?" You know better than to regale him of your sad tale, so you purse your lips and pull your leg away from his restless hands.
"Floyd, it hurts. Cut it out please."
He frowns and leans in closer. You lean back against the bench, trying not to move your foot too quickly when he's closing in the distance without leaving you any chance to breathe. "But you promised to spend today with me. You can't back out on your promises."
You shake your head. "Nothing I can do, Floydie. I can't play with you when I can barely even walk."
"You can't walk, shrimpy?" you're suddenly hoisted up into his arms, "I'll carry ya'."
"Floyd! Put me down, please!"
He shakes his head and runs off, forcing you to wrap your arms around him for support.
"Nah, don't feel like it. Let's go play in Azul's office!"
Jade regards your ankle with his typical smile that betrays nothing of his true thoughts, slowly rubbing the area in a rhythm that almost lulls you to sleep. His gloves are tucked on your lap, his hat sloping down on your head almost covering your eyes. "Still," he speaks in a soft, low tone, "it is rather impressive you could injure yourself in such a situation."
Translation: That was dumb. How the fuck did you get hurt like that?
You give him a sheepish smile, pulling up the brim of the hat so that your view of his pretty face, all tense with the slightest tinge of worry, is unimpeded. "Thank you for helping, Jade."
"Of course. It's not as if I'm doing it for free."
Well, you should have expected it already. Octavinelle's brand of benevolence is often expensive. Your hands subconsciously fiddle with the satin of his gloves. "Of course, what do you want?"
His smile turns a little more genuine.
"And I could ask anything of you?"
You grimace. "Within reason."
"Then perhaps," his tone is a bit breathier when he gets closer to you, "a kiss for your knight in shining armor?"
Taglist:
@yummyyummyinmytumny @fsh1 @lemon-koii
#disney twst#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland#gender neutral reader#x reader#twst x reader#jade leech x reader#jade leech#jade x reader#floyd leech x reader#floyd x reader#floyd leech#trey clover x reader#trey x reader#trey clover
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umm the crews reactions to reader making advances on them flirting and whatnot/being touchy with them? hip grabbing, shoulder gripping, just sexual touches that arent TOO sexual but they are definitely suggestive. and lets say for the sake of the headcanons they are somewhat into reader so its not like its harassment. please and thank youuu! also i love ur writing!! take ur time <33
Anon....i... I think thsts sitll harassment......
Curly is confused, might even catch him off guard with this one. If you're on the clock, he will talk a bit of sense into you about responsibility and professionalism. But in a nice and kind way. If you're not on the clock, he'll just kinda... Stare at you with this nervous smile.......... Unless it's not like, super suggestive. A little hand brushing ( hand on hand ) and he'll kinda like, heheehhe they touched my hand im so inlove. But anything else that is just... A little too much, is an awkward laugh, a lecture, or a "can you not.. do that....?" Might not even say anything.
Personally, I don't think Jimmy would like that all, interested or not. He's supposed to do THAT to YOU. Not the other way around. He'll give this nasty look, and maybe say that you're being unprofessional with a very humiliating tone so that you can feel embarrassed and he can get off to it. Win-win. I guess....
Swansea doesn't like it. He's old, and he's dying, and he probably doesn't want someone, whom he isn't in a romantic relationship with, touching him weirdly. Of course, he'd love a good massage once in a while, but you have to ask him. “The hell was that for?” type of guy, or the one that would just stare at you angrily as you feel the shame dropped on your head like an anvil.
Daisuke, ehhhhh....? I can't see a vision for him. I'd say that if it was on the level of ass slapping, he'd be uncomfortable, but if it was like... Casual touches that can also be interpreted as sexual, he'll be kinda fine about it. Maybe he'll do it to you too because he thinks you're joking around and also because he likes getting touched. ( Extra hc, one of his love languages is physical. )
Please, feel ashamed of yourself. Anya would hate it. She simply wouldn't like it. Anya won't say anything, but she'll have a realllllly... Nervous look on her. She's going to tell someone else how you've been touching her weirdly, and she doesn't like you anymore. Or she still does like you and it ends up being like.. “They touched me weirdly... But i like them... But they overstepped my boundaries..."
#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#anya x reader mouthwashing#curly x reader mouthwashing#daisuke x reader mouthwashing#jimmy x reader mouthwashing#guys that is still harassment dont say that being interested in a person makes it not harassment
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So About That BATGIRL #1...
I put this review up in another site, but since folks here on Tumblr seem to be realizing I have a lot of Thoughts about Lady Shiva, I figured I'd transplant it here. So here's how I feel about it. The short of it is that I think it's a strong start with a few small quibbles because I'm not sure how much of Shiva's writing is her being intentionally OOC and how much is Brombal trying to humanize her.
The long is here:
Now, one of Shiva's main issues as a character ever since they finally split her from the League of Assassins (God bless you Bryan Hill) is that, instead, writers have stapled her to Cass. Literally every major Shiva appearance since 2017 has involved Cass in some way. That is a problem not so much for Cass, who gets to have her own stories and series with and without the Batfam (although mostly with), but for Shiva, who doesn't get nearly as much exposure as her daughter. If there's a Shiva comic coming out, odds are it's gonna have something to do with Cass. Well, except for the other Shiva comic coming out this month that's gonna suck shit.
But at the same time, I don't think that means nobody should ever do another Shiva/Cass story, because I still feel like that's rich soil that nobody has had the time, space or desire to really commit to mining. Hill in Outsiders was writing a whole ensemble cast and couldn't linger too long on them. Writers like Grayson and Cloonan/Conrad both teased Shiva trying to reconcile with Cass but never took it anyhwere. A Shiva/Cass story can still be compelling and interesting as long as the writer is willing and able to Actually Write It.
So when literally the first panel of this new issue is Shiva addressing Cass and their relationship directly, I'm already perked up. Right from the get go, you can tell that Tate Brombal is absolutely here to tell a story about these two women and pretty much nothing else, and also that Tak Miyazawa and Mike Spicer are a killer art team. I adore how hard Tak's figures look without (usually) being stiff, thanks to some solid body language and expressions. And Spicer's colors have a cool kind of dark-but-vivid look. The last leg of the issue, with everything illuminated by fire, is especially cool.
Going back to the opening, it's curous how despite this being an issue #1, there's very little in the way of character introductions or set up. There's no slow burn here, no lengthy creeping intro like previous Shiva/Cass stories. And while I can't help but feel that it must be a little awkward for readers unfamiliar with them or their current situation, I think it also accurately reflects one of my favorite parts of the comic, which is Cass' being just absolutely fucking DONE with her mom.
After years of hyper dramatic standoffs and tearful moments of cheap heartbreak, it's fun to see a Cass who has no time for her mother, who's not interested in what she's got going on, and who's confident enough in herself to even be a little shit about it. It's fun and refreshing and fits Cass very nicely.
That not-quite-breakneck but still fast pace keeps up when the Unburied show up after just a few pages of setup and you know, in a couple of interviews, Brombal mentioned being influenced by Daredevil. And this is the page that made me go "Ah, yeah, that tracks." 'cause brother, those are some MILLER-ass ninjas.
Why Shiva fears these guys or thinks Cass can't handle them is not yet explained, but her desperation to keep Cass around does lead to a small but very meaning-heavy moment: the first punch in this series is not thrown into the face of the new enemies, but it's Cass decking her mom in the face and Shiva loving it.
It's an excellent touch and a perfect mission statement about the series. I love it as much as I love the ensuing fight, full of cool moves in big and small panels, but the most fun thing to me is how it's choreographed as Cass fighting her mom almost as much as she's fighting the Unburied. And on top of being a great fight, it ends with a small nod to QUESTION #1 or the 'Tec '88 Annual, in case I was somehow not sold enough already.
And while I still love Cass being so willing to call Shiva out on her lies, it does bring up one of the small gripes I have with this issue: I don't like it when Shiva lies constantly. I think she's best when she's strong and confident enough to not need to lie, when she just lays everything out on the table the way this comic is almost doing. It's good for Cass, as it keeps showing her as someone who has grown to understand her mother, who sees Shiva for who she is and what she does. And it does set up a slightly heartwarming scene at the end.
Of course, that's personal preferrence, and I'm not gonna say this is a bad comic because it doesn't follow my own idea of what works best for Shiva, especially since it's clear that Brombal is writing her with a lot of intention here. But that leads to the other big-ish issue I have with this issue: it's a bit hard to tell, from this story alone, how much of these moments are Brombal building his own personal version of Shiva and how much of it is Shiva, in-universe, acting out of character for the sake of some hidden scheme. After all, Cass points out that twice in the issue Shiva backs down, first from a moral fight and then from an actual fight.
So it's possible that even the constant lying is Shiva playing a role in favor of a grander scheme which will be revealed in later issues. Which, fair enough, I'm willing to see where it goes. But that second moment of yielding does lead to what's maybe my biggest problem with BATGIRL #1, and it's the Unburied themselves.
There's nothing in that initial fight with the Unburied that suggests Shiva and Cass would've had trouble dealing with them. Hell, there's very little to suggest even one of them would've had trouble with them. Now, I'm not suggesting that this issue should've started with the titular character and her mom getting their asses handed to them. But it feels like there's just not enough to these new enemies yet to justify the escape. Ninjas show up, Cass and Shiva beat them without getting hit once, more Ninjas show up and Shiva self-defenestrates herself.
Again, entirely possible that Shiva has something up her sleeve here, and issue #2 did promise to show us the main villain behind them, but as it stands it leaves me with this weird mix of not quite intrigue, not quite disappointment. It's just odd. They could've had, I dunno, a bomb set in the building or some other reason for Shiva to exit the venue like that.
Speaking of odd things, however, I did NOT expect to be reading a comic that brings up Shiva's cult from Puckett/Scott's BATGIRL #25. It's an "Order of Shiva" now though, with chapters and temples and stuff. Which is a bit of a change, since back in #25 they came off more like a gang of fanboys than an order of servants or anything like that. And after being summarily disposed by Shiva in that same issue, they were never really explored again.
So this is Brombal not just bringing back a bit of old lore, but also shifting it slightly, turning it into a more organized group... and then summarily disposing of them one panel later.
Also, I don't know what it is but I *LOVE* this panel. Shiva's face, her "wut" pose, the O.O, it's just... beautiful.
Anyway, once they're in the temple for the last bit of the issue, I start to see a bit more of what Brombal's doing. Like Gail Simone and Bryan Hill, Brombal seems to want to soften Shiva up a little, to make it clear that deep inside, she does have at least a bit of a heart, or enough of it to feel sadness at the wasteful death of people she may feel like she owes something to. Compare it to BIRDS OF PREY #62 for example:
This one is not quite as dramatic or vulnerable, but it's clear that Brombal wants to write Shiva with a slightly more human heart. Which, again, I'm not opposed to but I don't think it's the best thing you can do with her. I prefer Shiva being more detached in regards to death, like the most she'll do is see it as a waste but she's not gonna get emotional about it, she's going to be way more matter-of-fact. Death happens and such. But I think that kind of aloofness often gets interpreted as monstrous disdain for life by writers trying to make Shiva into a villain, and if I had to choose between what Brombal's doing and what, well, what Tom King's probably gonna be doing in a few weeks, I'll take this anytime.
Anyway, I also didn't expect to see the apprentice from BATGIRL #26, having apparently gotten a promotion somewhere in the last 20 years. Good for him! Less good for him is the shitload of arrows he eats two pages later but oh well.
The last couple of pages lead to a nice moment of sheer badassery for both Shiva and Cass and one last showcase of Miyazawa and Spicer's glorious team effort. Those two work really well together and I'm excited to see more of them in future issues. And while we're at it, I gotta give props to Miyazawa for being one of maybe two artists to draw a visibly older Lady Shiva.
His version isn't just aged but hardened by that age, looking stern and determined without having to rely on gritted teeth or angry looks. And on top of all that, he still finds more than enough moments to give her the kind of cocky smiles that bring out the more playful side of Shiva that some stories tend to either gloss over or turn into outright sadism.
Man... I just love to see that momma smile.
Other than that, there's a couple of minor quibbles I have with the issue. There's a funny moment where Cass pulls a Batman on her own mother (who charmingly acknowledges Bruce's influence) but it's undercut by Cass poofing back into existence on the next page. And there's also the weird, almost surreal emptiness of the city around them. Even after a building explodes, there's literally nobody on the streets other than Shiva and Cass.
On one hand, it speaks to the intentions of this run. This is VERY much a two-woman show so far, with no room for much else. But it's still glaring enough to be distracting.
However, it's that intentionality that ultimately wins me over. Even with all my personal little issues with Shiva's characterization, it's obvious from the start that this is a writer who is genuinely trying to write her as a character, who is ready to engage with her and with her relation with Cass on a deeper level than just hero and villain, or good daughter and evil mom.
Brombal, Miyazawa & Spicer have put some meat on the grill, and although I don't think the biggest pieces are there yet... I'm ready to let them cook.
#DC#Comics#Batgirl#Lady Shiva#Cassandra Cain#Tate Brombal#Tak Miyazawa#Mike Spicer#takeshi miyazawa#Comic Reviews#Wu-Tang Clan intro voice: TIGER STYLE#TIGER STYLE
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RANDOM MOUTHWASHING HEADCANNONS
This is going to be a long post...I apologise in advance.
And english isn't my first language, I apologise for any mistakes! (´;ω;`)
Captain Curly (pre-crash)
Used to be a rebel as a teen, have bad grades, drink, all the stuff. Because of that, he gave himself piercings and some hand poked tattoos.
He still has some scars from said piercings and hides the badly done tattoos he did at the ripe age of 16.
Hates science fiction movies. He thinks that they are super unrealistic and will spend the entire time criticizing them.
Loves romcoms tho.
Secretly loves punk music, the only thing left from his rebellious phase.
Works out as much as he can. He's sad? Goes to the gym. He's happy? Gym. He's stressed? Gym.
When he goes to the Tulpar, he always brings some weights so he can lift before bed/after he wakes up.
Gives the best hugs. You can't tell me this man will not bear hug you until you feel better.
Wanted to be a psychologist before studying to be a pilot, yet he gave up because he was too much of a people pleaser.
His favorite animal is bears, grizzly ones to be exact.
Captain Curly (after crash)
Spends the days thinking on what he could've done to make things different.
After he gets rescued from the cryogenic pod, he can't help but feel survivors guilt. All his crew was dead, except for the captain that should've gone down with the ship first.
After he gets his prosthetics, it takes him a while to get used to them and feels some phantom pain on the stumps of his arms and legs once in a while.
He regularly writes to his fallen crew members as if they are still alive. It helps him cope.
He also stayed in touch with the families of his fallen crew. Curly always apologizes for their death.
Anya
Left her cat on earth and the last words she said to him was "When I come back, I'll buy you wet food", as she would always buy treats for her cat after every excursion.
Her favorite thing to do on earth was to read with her cat on her lap and some tea.
Is a only child but always had pets throught her childhood.
Is a bad loser, everytime she loses at the game nights on board of the Tulpar she goes on a raging fit. Doesn't really hide it.
The only time the crew have seen her mad is when she loses at games.
Used to do combat sports as a teenager. Seeing the wounds of the people she trained with made her want to pursue medicine.
Is a really good driver. Just road rages a bit.
Wears contacts.
Her last thought on the medical bay was about her cat and how much he would miss her.
Daisuke
Loves shooting and RPG games.
Fluent in English and Japanese. Speaks mostly in japanese at home with his parents.
Has a younger sister. He used to let her do makeup on him when they were both younger.
Used to be a popular kid but never really had a girlfriend.
HUGE fantasy nerd.
He's actually a very smart kid, used to be an honor student.
Tried to teach Swansea about Pokemon and Kingdom Hearts lore on their lunch breaks. Swansea tried to understand.
Helps Anya take care of Curly, even if he doesn't have any medical experience.
Tried smoking once, started wheezing and gave up immediatelly.
Ties his hair when he needs to be super focused.
His playlist goes from Tyler the Creator to Lady Gaga to Bach in a click. The playlist is called Whiplash.
Swansea
Dog person. He definitely loves big dogs.
Sees the entire crew almost like family and takes care of them like family.
Listens to dad rock/country while reading the newspaper to relax.
He has a picture of his kids next to his bed. Unfortunately, everything got destroyed in the crash.
Was the one who brought the tabletop games for the crew. He's a huge tabletop games fan.
Girldad. He definitely spoiled his kids as much as he could.
Huge sports fan. Specially soccer.
Jimbabwe (I'm sorry)
Smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. Rothmans to be more specific.
He has a narcissistic disorder.
When he was a kid he used to torment his siblings.
Met Curry when training to be a pilot and got extremely jealous and spiteful when Curry got promoted instead of him.
Hates when Daisuke calls him every name under the sun except his. (Ex. Jimbo, Ji-man, Jimin, Jin).
Had an obsession with American Psycho as a teenager.
He was an edgy teenager.
I have so many headcannons but if I put them all here, the post would be gigantic...
#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanfic#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing headcanon#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing daisuke#mouthwashing swansea#mouthwashing fandom#fuck jimmy#:3
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okay, this is a kinktober request but it doesn't have to be done if you don't feel comfortable with the content mentioned.
Anthony Bridgerton being intimate with a transmasc reader who hasn't had top surgery. The kinks would be body worship and nipple play (specifically sucking on the nipples). Begging can also be incorporated where Anthony is the one begging.
Thank you!
I love this request so so much!! this was by far one of my favorites to write, so thank you so much for sending it in <3
Kinktober 2024 Day 13: body worship, nipple play, and begging with Anthony Bridgerton x transmasc reader
Warnings: smut/nsfw content, body worship, nipple play, begging, Anthony's kinda subby here (sorry I just couldn't resist), pre-op chest for a transmasc reader (so they still have their breasts and stuff), brief mention of Anthony viewing the reader as his god/a religious figure (just adding that in case anyone feels uncomfortable with religious imagery in that context), mentioned penetrative sex (reader receiving)
"I love you, darling. You mean the absolute world to me," Anthony muttered as he brushed his nose and mouth against your neck in an affectionate nuzzle, holding onto you as you laid in the bed together. He didn't always show how much he adored you in public, but he more than made up for it when you were alone, clinging to you as if at any second you might disappear.
"I love you too, sweetheart." You watched him with a soft smile, finding it amusing that he was so close he was practically laying on top of you. To other people, he may have been Lord Bridgerton, Viscount and head of the household, but to you he was just Anthony, and that was enough.
"Mm..." He let out a hum as he dipped his head down to the spot where your neck met your collarbone, pressing light kisses to the area. His hands absentmindedly moved up and down your body as he kissed you, caressing you in a gentle and affectionate manner.
One of your hands moved up to absentmindedly play with his hair as you watched him, his lips moving from your collarbone down to the valley of your chest where your shirt wasn't buttoned all the way. You could feel his hands twitch from the spot where they were currently resting on your waist, as if he was itching to touch you more but didn't want to without getting your permission first.
"Anthony..." You softly cooed out his name, something that immediately caused him to stop kissing you so he could lift his gaze up to meet yours.
"Yes, my love?" He looked like a puppy dog, honestly. That was the best way for you to put it, especially with how his eyes got all big and needy whenever you spoke to him like that.
"Did you maybe want to do more than just kiss me, hm?" You gently prompted, knowing very well he wasn't going to take the initiative to ask for what he wanted without a little nudging from you first.
His eyes immediately dropped at the question, his cheeks flushing pink as he hid his face in your chest, refusing to look at you. "No..." His voice came out sounding a bit muffled when he spoke, though you could still detect the lie there quite easily.
Chuckling at his response, you gently tugged at his hair in an attempt to try to get him to meet your gaze again. "I know you're not telling me the whole truth. You can be honest with me, sweetheart, it's okay."
Ever so slowly, he brought his head up so he could look at you for a second time, appearing visibly flustered. "I- I want to touch them," he admitted in a quiet and somewhat nervous voice, as if he was worried about how you'd react.
You picked up on his demeanor right away, noting just how unsure he seemed. "You want to touch what, honey?" You questioned while running your fingers through his hair, hoping to sooth him.
Even if he still seemed anxious, it was clear your gentle show of affection had eased his nerves, if only slightly. Although he was embarrassed to ask, he took a deep breath and did so anyway. "Y- Your breasts. I was wondering if I- if I could touch them, if you'd be alright with it."
No wonder he was so nervous. Even though you'd both been intimate with each other many times before, he still preferred to ask if you were okay with him touching certain areas of your body beforehand so you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He was such a gentleman in that aspect.
While your answer was obviously going to be yes, you couldn't help but have a little bit of fun with him beforehand. "What do you say?" You prompted, moving your hand from his hair down to his chin so he wouldn't be able to hide his face from you again like he had before.
The whine he let out sounded like music to your ears. "P- Please," he begged in a barely audible whisper, his eyes wide and desperate as they stared up at you. "Please let me touch your breasts, and- and suck on them, too."
The last part of his sentence may have surprised you slightly, but you'd be lying if you said the thought of him sucking on your nipples didn't turn you on. "Hm, I don't think I heard you. I think you'll have to speak up." You used your hand underneath his chin to tilt his head up a little further, ensuring he was looking at you when you spoke to him.
"Please," he begged for a second time in a way that was louder than before. "Please, I- I want to touch them and suck on them, please, darling."
"Well, since you asked so nicely." He could hear the amusement in your voice, and normally it'd make him want to be snarky in return just to spite you, but not this time.
His hands quickly moved to unbutton the rest of your shirt, his lips finding their way to the valley between your breasts yet again while he helped to rid you of the unnecessary fabric that was still in the way. As soon as it was gone, his hands went to your breasts, carefully cupping them as his thumbs lightly brushed over your nipples.
"You're so gorgeous," he murmured fervently, worshipping your body as if it were an altar. In a way, it was, because Anthony swore he found religion with you. No one else made him want to drop to his knees and beg, not even the almighty himself.
"Oh, darling, you flatter me so." A sigh of content left you upon observing him and his obvious eagerness at getting to touch and please you.
It was hard not to arch your back up the moment his mouth attached onto one of your nipples, sucking gently as the hand that had been on your breast moved down to rest on your ribs, his thumb caressing them affectionately. The hand that wasn't there was still on your other breast, caressing it in a way that mimicked receiving an intimate and personal massage.
Once he was satisfied with the attention his mouth had given to the first nipple, he switched over to the second, giving it the same treatment. The way he touched you was careful and a little uncertain, but still filled with the deep-rooted love he had for you.
You didn't always find yourself overly thrilled with the way you looked, but it was hard to hate it when you had someone who loved you so openly and unconditionally like he did. And if there was one thing about Anthony Bridgerton, he was going to take the time to remind you of his love every chance he got.
"You're making me feel so good right now, sweetheart," you commented while brushing your fingers through his dark chestnut hair, observing him with a fond gaze.
"I am?" He questioned seriously while picking his head up, as if he didn't seriously expect you to give him that sort of praise.
You just barely refrained from letting out a laugh. "Yes, of course you are. You always make me feel so good."
It was hard to miss the way his face practically lit up at your words, seeming to beam with pride upon having your approval. "Is it okay if I continue, then?" He asked in a way that was a bit bashful, and this time you did laugh, though it was playful and not malicious.
"What do you say first?"
He knew exactly what you wanted from him when you asked that. "Please, darling, please allow me to continue." The way he begged with such desperation in a voice that was so silky and smooth, how could you say no?
"Of course you can." The moment you gave him permission to keep going he dipped his head back down and began to pepper your chest with kisses. His hands went back to caressing your breasts, your nipples now hard from the way he had been sucking on them earlier.
He spent the entirety of the rest of the night worshiping your body, telling you just how gorgeous he found you and how amazing you were in his eyes. His movements were still slow and deliberate when he entered you later on, his mouth and hands remaining focused on your breasts and upper torso as he was determined to let you know just how perfect you were.
After you'd both finished and were done for the night, he insisted on falling asleep with his head resting on your chest and his hands glued to your sides while he laid on top of you, not wanting to be away from you even as he slept. He was nothing short of completely devoted to you, that much was certain.
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listen, i'm not trying to pick a fight here, but i do feel the need to respond because i feel like there is a bit of a misconception about me going on here-
for the record, i do actually dislike jack drake on a lot of levels & i'm not trying to give him a characterization he doesn't deserve as some sort of uber feminist hero or defend him or anything. in fact, i do think he's quite sexist & a large chunk of my brand is actually specifically trying to suss out the complexity of janet, janet's marriage to jack and how he was probably terrible to her, fanon's response to janet & the misogyny she faces as a mother character. i mean. i am also interested in jack as a flawed and terrible person (and sometimes like to make funnies about him) because i also do like to think about him as a complex person since i like to think about tim's complex relationship with his parents and upbringing and the complex facets of the drake family unit as a whole. but definitely less him than janet, who i'm very frequently trying to explore as a character and the multitude of possibilities and explanations for her and why i decided to start writing fic for her that's sympathetic to her.
i do think your read has merit and you can absolutely read it that way, but i will point out that i really don't think the panel in question indicates that janet thinks that suddenly has found out that her husband is a terrible person who doesn't truly believe in ideas women's liberation
he makes a gently sexist comment that he (admittedly, half heartedly) then apologizes for when she calls him out & rather than brush aside her concerns further goes to find some people to take a picture with in respect to calming her worries. in fact, her teasingly prodding him that him making a sexist comment when he's supposed to be "liberated" (which is very, very specific terminology to use in the year of 1989 flashing back to the late 70s/early 80s & the writers would have been aware of what "liberated" explicitly meant in this time era context to use for this), and the overall tone of this panel to me, at least, indicates that him making a sexist comment is actually contrary to what janet has experienced his usual behavior and ideas to be thus far in their marriage (which at this point they are in their late 20s/early 30s given jack was like 43 when tim died and he's 3-5 years old meaning they've been married at least that long and i doubt janet, who appears to be a feminist, would actually think he's supposed to be liberated in the 1970s without him expressing some form of support for it at some point in those previous years). which would me that historically in their conversations jack would have likely expressed support for the things that "liberated" meant at that specific time period such as all the things i listed. and, clearly, he's very okay with women working giving that *both* of his wives have been working women with minimal fuss, and he's okay with the idea of janet being a working mother given she's a co-CEO of his company and she travels frequently with him to work rather than jack expecting her in a traditional stay at home mom role. this is very much in line with a man who, like i said, at least seems to *nominally* support the idea of women's rights, especially in time era context, even if he doesn't actually espouse them completely himself.
now this doesn't mean he's not also a huge sexist. lots of sexist men support the idea of women working. lots of sexist men support a woman's right to an abortion. this is what i meant when i said he's a man of multitudes--he can very well at least pay lip service and somewhat believe and say "yea, i agree with women's rights those are good of course" and *still* also very much uphold sexist ideas in his personal life. in fact, i touched on this in my original tags where i say that tim would have grown up in a house where women's rights were respected while his dad disrespected the individual women in his life regardless.
and, like, i am a champion for the idea that jack's sexism and refusal to truly see women as equal ultimately probably played a role in the dissolution of the drakes' marriage due to jack and janet's ultimately diverging viewpoints and beliefs and jack's inability to truly believe his wife could be equal to him. but all i'm trying to say is that more than likely, imo, the jack in alpod, early in his marriage to jack is also a jack that is at least somewhat implied, along with janet, to believe in the ideas of women's liberation of the time frame. he is often cast as a total social conservative, but, more likely that not, if you had asked him "should women be able to work, have their own credit, etc" he'd be like "yea, of course". he might not be able to truly believe in it, but he probably wasn't against those ideals, likely supported them in conversation with janet, and wasn't out there railing against them. it doesn't mean he's not also sexist. because he definitely is. idk i guess to me my choice of the word support was not meant to mean he's a total feminist. just that if you had asked him, in the 1970s, whether or not women should have the right to work and own their own credit. he would have said yes to those things & meant it. he's just also incapable of truly respecting his own wife at the same time.
like. jack drake is so very, very republican. but also. in the alpod flashback that nebulously takes place 8-10 years prior to alpod in 1989, when janet says to jack "sexism, dear? and here i thought you were liberated" it is directly implying that jack was, despite his sexism, a supporter of the women's liberation movement. jack drake was nominally a supporter of women's rights to work, have their own credit, get abortions, etc. i mean. he was also sexist too, but. he is a man of multitudes. please understand this.
#sorry i'm really not trying to fight#just trying to explain myself more.#i am actually hugely passionate about janet as a complex human being so i gotta lol#and i do think you can read it as janet mistakenly assuming he was liberated when he wasn't#but idk i do think that janet. who is implied with this to be a feminist would have had conversations about this with her husband#and know what his opinions on women's liberation in the 70s were#hence the “why are you being sexist when you claim to believe in women's liberation” in the late 1970s setting#he would have had to at some point say he believed in it. i think.
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First Sentence Game
I promised you I'd do this, @sisterofficerlucychen. It's only been 10 days, which is kind of a record for me.
Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.
Tagging (hopefully I'm not misremembering that any of you write fic) @chenlucys, @violetsandmagpies, @daisyejones, @whitesunlars, and @electricbluebutterflies.
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Bearing the Unbearable Weight (The Rookie):
In the days immediately after the break-up (the collapse of her world) Lucy logs a record number of hours at the LAPD shooting range.
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Nothing More Than His Wife (The Rookie):
The new Mrs. Tim Bradford is haunted by a ghost. It follows her everywhere, popping up in the most random spots. The ghost is at the nearby Korean food truck, in her husband’s car, hanging out in the park they had a picnic at. The ghost is not a particularly malicious one, but Mrs. Bradford can’t help but feel like she’ll never measure up against it, against the specter of Lucy Chen.
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i used to know my place was the spot next to you (now I'm searching the room for an empty seat) (The Rookie):
The hardest part of Lucy’s day is going to bed. Two weeks earlier, before the breakup, when going to bed meant making funny faces at Tim as they brushed their teeth together and slow kisses and cuddling, it had been the highlight of most days. She had looked forward to bed. Now she brushes her teeth alone and crawls into a bed that is just hers. Or almost just hers.
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How I Show I Love You (The Rookie):
Tim doesn’t know the last time he spent time doing something solely because he enjoyed it (other than watching a couple hours of football each week). Never mind doing something fun with another person. And certainly never with a rookie who hadn’t even passed their one-year mark. But he also hasn’t trained someone like Chen before.
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i get along without you some nights (Prodigal Son):
The Christmas tree was already up when Martin was… (Jessica was still trying to find the polite term for it, trying different ones on) taken away. Normally Jessica insisted on no hints of Christmas in the home until the Thanksgiving dinner had been cleared from the table, but Malcolm had campaigned valiantly to put it up early. As per usual, Ainsley had joined in, asking Jessica to make an exception to her rule and then Martin had given Jessica that look, the one that had been crumbling her resolve since the day they met.
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Cotard's Delusion (or the Process of Being Resurrected) (The Rookie):
I am dead.��It’s the only thought ringing in Lucy’s mind as she closes her eyes, leans her head forward, finding no place to rest in the barrel Caleb has determined will be her last resting place.
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Dirtying the Slates (The Rookie):
So, Bishop and Lopez, or mostly Lopez, rig the roundup so Tim wins. Interesting , Lucy thought. She twirled her ring on her finger for half a moment, considering if it was her place to comment or not, before throwing caution to the wind and interjecting. “Wait, uh, are you guys trying to rig it so that Tim wins?” (Rule one of getting information in an interrogation: start with a question you already know the answer to.)
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Wrapped Around Your Finger (Like a Ring) (The Rookie):
Chen would not stop messing with her ring and Tim was a matter of seconds from using his TO Voice to go and confiscate it. Even winning the round-up (again) hadn’t put him in a good enough mood that the reflection from the light of the food trucks bouncing off the opal ring wouldn’t annoy him. Chen clearly was not aware that her rhythmic movements meant he was hit in the eye by a reflected ray of light every four seconds.
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In Search of Air (The Rookie):
During her sophomore year of college, Lucy had had to memorize all of the symptoms of a panic attack as listed in the DSM-V. Technically the assignment was just to learn four or five of the 13 listed in the manual, but Lucy, ever the perfectionist, had been determined to memorize them all, to always be just that much better at psychology than the people around her. So, when she found herself once again locking herself in one of Mid-Wilshire precinct’s utility closets, it was that list of 13 symptoms she thought back on.
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Through a Glass Darkly (Prodigal Son):
Malcolm Whitly's favorite color has always been red. It’s warm and bright and passionate, just like him. It’s the first color you notice in any crowd. It calls out to you and then pulls you headfirst into its world. His father had a red sweater when Malcolm was about 10. It was the softest thing Malcolm had ever felt. Martin said he had had to throw it out one night after spilling tea on it, but Malcolm had always loved that sweater. He still does. He has spent the intervening years searching for one that was similar so he could buy one for himself. He has loved the color for almost three decades now with absolutely no sign of his opinion changing any time in the near future. Red reminds Malcolm of his father and he loves his father.
Malcolm Bright's favorite color has been blue most of his life. It’s calming and stable and peaceful, all the things he strives to be. It’s a color that can fade into the background when needed but also draw your eye if you’re looking for it. It’s always there to be beside you when you need it.
#I swear this was supposed to post on 9/14 but apparently I saved it as a draft instead#thank you for the tag ivy you're precious#this is an amusing thing because so much of my fic is still on FFN#so this tag makes me go through almost half my A03 archive#but it still feels like it doesn't touch on much of my writing#silence emily#emily does stuff (shocker)#didn't we use to have a way to do horizontal lines in posts? I swear I'm not making that up who took that feature away?#also shout out to through a glass darkly which I still feel is probably my magnum opus; glad you made the cut my dear#also this reminded me that I have no memory of half my rookie fic#I've got clear memories of writing most of my fics but I think most of my rookie stuff might as well be written by someone else#like I wrote I used to know my place was a spot next to you recently and Ivy and I discussed it extensively and I know I labored over it#but that entire piece doesn't exist in my head#also Cotard's easily the piece I am most protective over that's one that's just my heart pulled from my chest#and I routinely worry about how it's received
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wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️
not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will
(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry
the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:
I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.
so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps
also about that race:
'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'
(2) the photo finish
in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment
(3) dovi's top three favourite career win
dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007
I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all
(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008
Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'
some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well
also this:
ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.
plus ça change
(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018
when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:
dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade
(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"
both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010
here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:
in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"
which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm
(7) mapping eight-gate
well I can't leave it out, can I
so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....
while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc
ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned
which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past
here from marc at sepang:
dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there
and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi
jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of
jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders
for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:
lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later
anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:
so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it
eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati
publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani
Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”
which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past
anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:
'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:
the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not
(8) runner-up-gate
let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:
so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:
by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:
And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.”
fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:
Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."
so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds
(9) twitter-gate
there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:
The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."
pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this
Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."
the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying
again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:
After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."
if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit
Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."
god knows how that turned out
(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh
late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:
some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:
merry christmas!
not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny
bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals
you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:
truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves
bonus 2: another one for old time's sake
already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh
"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh
#also thank you!! that's really nice#valentino is absolutely SHAMELESS in that clip i'm crying... saw some low hanging fruit and took a chainsaw to the entire tree#laughs a bit TOO much at that dovi line. a little restraint I beg#andrea dovizioso#brr brr#//#ad4#morale tag#batsplat responds#very lazy post sorry but i just wanted to do something fast... i do think they're more interesting than just a list of drama#real lack of mutual respect... how little they get each other... also jorge's side of that 250cc rivalry is sooooo...#currently still cooking up that jorge/valentino post which means i'm obviously revisiting my jorge primary sources#and the way valentino and dovi get described in particular is... hm how to describe this... this isn't just a sports thing but -#- especially in sports and especially at juniors level you come across a lot of people who act like they're constantly on camera#jorge at that age has extreme sports film syndrome. his entire team also has sports film syndrome. the author has sports film syndrome#they're constantly trying to write character arcs for him. 'like a superhero after his darkest hour' that kinda thing#and that also means other riders sometimes get this treatment where you're a bit? this doesn't feel... completely in touch with reality#dovi's The First Rival who's there to help jorge grow... it's quite tricky to explain because you can't point to anything SPECIFIC#it's just tones and vibes really lmao#anyway my point is I do have Takes on this dynamic but for now. here is just a random assortment of stuff with a lil bit of context#I do love it when you have a kind of primary text for these riders. they're all COMPLETELY different#all with quite funny editorial choices that sometimes tell you as much about the blokes as the actual text itself#fwiw the jorge one was the one where i had the most moments of 'hm i'm not sure it happened quite like that but continue'
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Anyway. Mike regaining a sense of bodily autonomy after years of trauma and being given the impression that he's not allowed to have boundaries or make choices.
Haircuts, piercings. He can change how he looks, if he wants. Nobody can stop him. He can lock his door, and people have to knock rather than just barging in. No one can make him lie for them, or force him to lie to himself until he gets confused about what really happened. People can't touch him without asking. Nobody is allowed to go rifling through his belongings without permission.
#smth cathartic about him slowly learning that his body is his own#honestly i feel like i'm still trying to hammer that into my own brain#idk it's just powerful to think of him being able to actually express that he does or doesn't want something when like#the way i write him he had reached a point before where he would just freeze. to come back from that?#to be able to say 'i want to make this change for how i look' or 'i don't like people touching my face' etc#it's. idk. proud of the theoretical concept of that much improvement ig#fnaf#michael afton#cw abuse
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What I'd really love to see is a svsss au where shen yuan had the immense powers from saiki k.
Like, svsss is already a romcom of a guy shunted into a fantasy world with meta knowledge and immense power for no reason apart from 'make a happy ending' as a fairly thick veneer over an absolute hot mess of a tragedy with a happy ending, red flags galore, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to his fate of being abandoned by the people around him because of the circumstances he was 'born' into, but he's funny about it.
The disastrous life of saiki k is a fast paced crack comedy about a guy granted immense power for no reason with meta knowledge of the world as a thick veneer over something a little darker and traumatic with a happy ending, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to being ignored by the people around him because of the circumstances he was born into, but he's hilarious about it.
Now I don't think it should be a 1-1 transplant of saiki to the svsss world, but to imagine an sy with those powers who didn't manage to find loyal friends, who moved out to live alone as soon as possible to avoid issues with his powers, who gravitated to web novels because of their regular updates as opposed to being constantly spoiled for books with finished endings. An sy who despite his ridiculous levels of power died alone in a stupid way and woke up in a world filled with people who also had immense and varied powers, dealing with the prospect of immortality when his own powers are still constantly growing and interfering with his life, but be silly about it.
I want to see a sy with telepathy still failing to understand what lbhs deal is because of his own denial, a sy with the power to crush mountains with a finger trying not to blow down walls with a sneeze because someone put him on a mountain FILLED with plants in SPRING, an sy who deleted an entire country from the planet aged four trying to dodge overly enthusiastic maidens he keeps saving because he doesn't want to steal from the protagonist and also no, lady, please. Shen yuan sitting in the water prison absolutely deadpan as people try and scare him with 10 iq stories about the acid waterfalls. An sy who hares around the peak trying to avoid being spotted on valentines day as he redirects unwanted admirers and improves his disciples dates just so they can all have a good day.
An sqh who really, honestly truly doesn't know how pidw was made real, honest!! All he could do was see ghosts! It's not his fault the story he wrote to make rent turned into all of this!! But because you're here can you pretty please make some ice, I'm in desperate need of air con and my king hasn't showed up in weeks!
Sqq and sqh playing telepathic chess during boring meetings and sqq leaving him to suffer when sqh is asked a question even though he himself knows the answer.
Lbh trying everything to get shizuns attention and discovering his total weakness to his cooking. Like, will let you cheat in class levels of bribery.
Sqq stalking dourly through fields of aphrodisiac plant because he's raised his body temperature high enough to burn out any pollen before it gets too close and the system just despairing at getting this man to do something interesting.
Cat!sqq transforming back as fast as he can because he's got a meeting in half an hour and having to rush around trying to find something to cover the cat ears he didn't manage get rid of.
Shen qingqiu pulling out his limiters and dropping the mask to reveal a deity in the shape of a man, something crafted purely of psychic energy and burning fury, determined to hold maigu ridge together and keep the realms apart with his will alone, to save luo binghe if it killed him again. A shining aura stretching miles, glowing like a star, halting the earthquake with his bare hands.
Sqq seeing a bug and freaking out so hard he teleports to the northern demon realm and lands in a slushy pond, and sqh nearly giving him away because of how hard he's laughing.
#Like honestly the parallels are great#Long post#Sqq leaning hard into the aloof elegant scholar vibes because he still struggles to control his strength even with the limiters#He doesn't want to hurt anyone.#Sqh: please please tell me what my king is thinking right now he's been glaring at me all day!#Sqq (having been forced to hear an endless carnal monologue for hours from him): oh no not a chance. No way are you getting me involved.#Sqq: whatever insane thing you two have going on go ahead. Just don't involve anyone else in that EVER.#Sqh: bro 😭?!#Sqq: *makes a peace sign and goes invisible*#Sqh: BRO?!! Not even... Expensive northern import for the protagonist to cook with?#Sqq: *reappears with a pop* go on...#Sqh is salty he didn't get the godlike powers when he created the world they're in. Sqq tells him it isn't worth it#Being forced to see the past of an object with just a touch when you live in 5 million words of bad smut?? NO THANK YOU.#But both being espers AND from the same world they're still buddies (much to sqqs dismay).#Sqh is just barely outside sqqs telepathy range on an ding and lives in fear of him sensing him writing and catapulting himself#through the window at mach ten to beat him up.#Sqq every time he has to sit through a meeting with some corrupt official: thought crimes aren't real thought crimes don't count#Sqh: so how are you this bad at feelings. My guy you are an empath.#Sqq: shut up.#Lbh would definitely catch sqq doing something impossible or op and be so head over heels. He's like his father that way.#svsss#svsss au#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#scum villain's self saving system#scum villian self saving system#sqq#shang qinghua#sqh#svsss shen qingqiu
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He lives in Amity Park. Just one of seventy thousand people making a living under the shield.
He makes a modest salary working at a garage. There's a handful of cars per day, coming in for oil changes or tune-ups, and the work is divided between him and two coworkers.
He considers himself to be pretty average. One face lost within a sea of thousands. Unnoticed and unmemorable.
He doesn't mind. He's a pretty bland person overall. He doesn't do much other than work, eat, watch whatever's showing on TV when he's at his small apartment, and sleep; and he doesn't feel he needs more from life than that.
He moved to Amity Park a few years ago, after wandering from place to place.
The ghost thing was new to him. He can't remember seeing a ghost until after moving here. And when the purpose of the shield was explained to him, he couldn't imagine ghosts beyond a vague idea. They were said to be slightly translucent and able to fly. And, in Amity Park, ghosts are just another part of their way of life. A normal sight to see. Especially Phantom.
Even now he can't build a clear mental image or description when it comes to ghosts. He never had a chance to really take one in.
Every time he sees Phantom, his mind goes blank, in pure terror.
Even on the other side of the shield, high in the sky 500 feet away, barely even close enough to make out the cape and suit, the ghost would cause him to freeze in place on the sidewalk, forgetting how to breathe while people push past him to continue on their way.
---
He's at the garage when the sirens come on. In an oil-stained jumpsuit, on his back beneath a car.
At first he's confused, cocking his head to listen, but someone yells that it's the shield.
He should've recognized the sound. There's a drill twice a year. Somewhat of a holiday. The entire town meets up in the shelters under the city. But the timing is off. Wrong month, wrong day, wrong time. For one thing, there is no work on Drill Day. So he didn't make the connection at first.
He puts his wrench down and follows the others out of the garage.
When he steps through the door, he sees Phantom in the distance, throwing parked cars, and he freezes as the others run.
It gets hard to breathe. He can't get enough air. His vision zeroes in on Phantom, the rest of the world vanishing. His heart pounds in his chest like it's trying to free itself. Phantom is coming nearer. He feels dizzy. His head is swimming. He... he has to sit... His knees hit the asphalt. His palms keep him from falling, his eyes never leave Phantom. The ghost comes nearer, casually, meanderingly, blasting random objects. As near as three businesses down. Two. Phantom turns and blows up the building across the street.
Phantom turns back around. Eyes focused overhead, at the garage building. A giddy-looking grin. Then the eyes drift downward.
They lock on him.
"What do we have here? A flea that forgot how to scurry away?"
He shudders at the sound of the voice. Trembles as Phantom floats nearer. He cringes on the ground, seeing his death mere feet away. Stares wide-eyed.
Phantom's grin fades, eyebrows furrowing as eyes study his face. Then, "You?" The eyes narrow, a sneer crossing the face. "I should have finished you."
He shrinks back as Phantom reaches for him. Squeezes his eyes tightly shut. Death. Death.
But instead, a strong hand grips his upper arm—and something seems to light up behind his eyes.
Memories flow through him like water.
A sister. Spinning on her heel with long orange hair flying, a superior, righteous expression as she says something.
Parents. Both wearing tight jumpsuits, excited, building a deadly weapon at the dinner table while asking about school.
Friends. One in black and one with glasses, putting a finger to their earpieces as they talk over each other making suggestions.
...Himself.
Tiredly brushing long black bangs out of his eyes as he reaches for a toothbrush. Lying on his back looking up at the stars. Observing a translucent, slightly glowing gloved hand, wiggling the fingers.
He exhales with a hiss. And snaps his eyes open to glare at Phantom. "You!" He jerks back, breaking Phantom's grip on his arm.
He was robbed of ten years of his life. Of who he is. He lived through ten years not realizing what was going on around him. Accepting the shield and the destruction as normal! And it was a part of himself doing all of this! Making the shield necessary! Out having a joyride at everyone's expense!
He's so angry. Furious.
He can feel his eyes light up for a split second, and a flash of green sparking in his palms. "I'll destroy you!"
He doesn't run for the emergency ecto-gun in the garage.
He lunges at Phantom with his bare hands, palms repeatedly trying to glow, sparking for only an instant at a time, like an igniter without fuel to back it up.
#danny phantom#dp#the ultimate enemy#dan phantom#dark danny#danny fenton#au#asj post#asj writing#I tried looking up what a panic attack feels like. I probably didn't write it very well though. But well I tried.#Hmm. It might be possible to interpret this ficlet more than one way.#rest of tags are ficlet spoilers#I'm still interested in the Tue 'human side doesn't die' possibility.#I'd always thought it was assumed that Dan killed his human side. But Vlad never said. Just said Dan did something pretty bad to him.#My 1st dp fic idea had an unconscious Danny. But I've been thinking about it again lately. I'm pushing the idea a little farther each time.#The idea here was that Danny's kinda an empty shell without much inside. Just going through life blankly and without memory.#He's a bg character. The only unique thing about him is that feeling of fear.#But when Dan touches him it creates a connection. So part of what was taken can return through that connection.#But there's a chance you could see the story as about a stranger who has some kind of skin-to-skin–contact mind-reading ability.#It could be someone other than Danny. Who takes Danny's memories from Dan.#...I didn't end the story early. I'd imagined the ending being him lighting like my computer's been doing and leaping for Dan.#(The computer had gotten better after awhile but after I reset/recovered it it's gotten bad again.#Last time I turned it on it took try after try after try. The power button light would only flash on for a split second. A blink.#Then after several tries the power button would flash on for slightly longer and I'd hear a part shift. Like a cutoff sentence like 'D—'.#the computer eventually came on though.)#I imagined more at the beginning and more at the end and more about the panicking. Just didn't think of the words to use.#The only reason he can punch at Dan at all is because of the residual power. It's like the Fenton Gauntlets that let humans touch ghosts.#Drill Day is like a fair. It's part practice part fun and part getting rid of old food supplies to get ready to restock.#People sometimes think Danny looks familiar but he gives a different name and shows no recognition. So he must just be a stranger.#'Danny died in the NB explosion right?' or 'That out-of-state billionaire adopted him.' or 'There'd been that Masters Mansion explosion.'
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✧
send me a ✧ and i’ll bold all that apply to your muse! (with italics as a 'sometimes' option because i'm a rule-breaker and things may depend on the situation).
i would kill you. ✧ i would physically hurt you. ✧ i would attack you unprovoked. ✧ i would manipulate you. ✧ i dislike you. ✧ you annoy me. ✧ you scare me. ✧ you intimidate me. ✧ i hope i intimidate you. ✧ i pity you. ✧ you disgust me. ✧ i hate you. ✧ i’m indifferent toward you. ✧ i’d like to get to know you better. ✧ i’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ i’d like to be friends with you. ✧ i’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ i’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ you are my friend. ✧ you are my best friend. ✧ you are my mentor. ✧ i look up to you. ✧ i respect you. ✧ you are my hero. ✧ you inspire me. ✧ you are my enemy. ✧ you make me happy. ✧ i want to protect you. ✧ i would fight by your side. ✧ i consider you an equal. ✧ i think you are beneath me. ✧ i think you are above me. ✧ i would lie for you. ✧ i would lie to you. ✧ i would sleep with you. ✧ i would sleep by your side. ✧ i would hug you. ✧ i would kiss you. ✧ you are family to me. ✧ i would die for you. ✧ i would kill for you. ✧ i would trust you with my life. ✧ i would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ i would trust you with a secret. ✧ i would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ i love you (platonically). ✧ i love you (romantically).
#sifonie#OOH BOYYY. the mixed nature of this is... JSJSJ i'm sorry about barton ramone he is justtt. Not the best person even around people-#he likes / cares about sometimes NGL and a lot of his relationships if not all of them are (unfortunately) unstable to at least a small-#degree. though of course i'm not trying to justify his behavior at all here... i just think that barton literally Cannot Help himself-#whenever it comes to manipulating people to the point where he may even do it unconsciously sometimes as terrible as that might sound 💀#and as for the whole 'you scare me' thing i think this just applies in the context of sibyl technically having the power to like. Kill him-#if they wanted to even if they wouldn't considering that they are like siblings to each other you know? and barton is naturally a-#distrustful person SO that also adds to him feeling a bit scared of them at times i think ahahhh.#but that's enough of talking about the negative stuff!! let's talk about how barton sees sibyl as an equal and would die for them...#because i honestly that serves as SUCH a dichotomy to the first thing's that i highlighted here and normally those thing's-#probably wouldn't coexist within the same person but if there is one thing that barton is - it's surprising in regards to how complex-#he can make his relationships with people JSJSJ LMAO but barton wanting to protect them is also? kind of sweet as well?? like OMG#plus the fact that they make him happy is 😭 it's really kind of touching in my humble opinion.#now if only barton didn't feel the need to LIE and still manipulate people sometimes even when he likes them...#then we'd be golden but i guess that would be asking for too much from him JSJSJ#not me talking as if he's real 😂 nooo but this was seriously really fun to fill out so thank you for sending this prompt to me ramone!!#and i hope i was able to shed a little more light on their relationship from barton's side of thing's bc i feel like it can be hard to tell#what barton truly thinks about someone even when i'm writing him in the 'stream of consciousness' style haha#also the italics is a 'maybe' in this case so it doesn't apply all the time!!
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solemn vow to never be complacent or meek around things i feel strongly about again — to at least start the conversation even if i don’t have the words to talk back exactly to a poisonous idea — in kind, to pick up the thread if someone else does the same — tired of letting evil shit unfold —
#honestly this mostly only happens because of my disability which. i've been dreaming/reading about navigating that in ways feel better#or else because im scared of violence as a trans woman but i’m sick of fear of violence making me passive#rarely because i got scared in the crosshairs of financial insecurity and feared losing work#but that is what im parsing this time and very determined not to let that happen ever again#cuz like. having the supposed 'non-action' of passivity even available to you is a privilege of whiteness#in this case it was taking a creative-side gig on a play that felt very clear the playwright had given very little if any consideration#to nonwhite perspectives like clearly by a white person thinking about a white audience kinda liberal politics#and i took it bc my friend's mentor was directing and she put us in touch and spoke highly of him#and she's indigenous and very willing to call out white bullshit so i had some hope/trust that he would push it more#and he........ did at least cast a latino actor in the one role that would have made the play horrifically racist#if it had been cast as a white person but that felt like doing the absolute least to me#im still very much figuring this world out#understanding the ethics of theater work and im glad i did this in that regard#cuz like. i didn't fully realize that my only real chance to make a creative + ethical statement was right out the gate in accepting the gi#as an SM like... there's really no other chance to have an opinion so i should not take work if the script doesn't align w my ethics#and use that rejection as a chance to make it clear what's fucked up#...if i even ever SM again that was the most stressful gig i've ever done and i didn't even get paid for it. fuck#sorry for writing half the post in the tags. if ur reading this ur too close >O< jk haaiiii thx for reading my diary#very much a 'i am thinking through these concepts still and ur welcome to share ur thoughts on them' kinda post
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oh i am so mediocre at what i do
#watched an art video roasting everyone's art and he's right but i feel like i am in the lit form class again#and it's like i love postmodernism and i love art for life's sake and doing what vibes with your creative expression#my art is all for it#but i still care about form still give a fuck about it and still find it pretty and amazing in art like realism#and stylized stuff and yes we develop our own style in any medium and genre BUT FORM IS STILL CONDITIONED#it's fundamentals cause that's how you learn gotta learn the rules to break them#and idk if i ever learnt it#i mean i did but i think i never imbibed it maybe i did imbibe in academic writing and lit cultural analysis but like maybe i haven't gotte#a reality check in it yet#i just wow and it's like i haven't i created stuff in a while but i actually have like my thesis all the letters i wrote to my friends some#poetry lines in my notes app I AM COOKING I AM DOING YOGA gosh ik i am doing sm#but maybe i am not getting the validation i want cause everything is fucking mediocre like brain rots with social media it's so hard to be#to be touched by stuff and actually yet it's really easy cause there's so much abundance of gimmicky things that when you stumble across a#good art you hyperfixate but idk man#i am on my period so#i should write more read more watch more BUT I AM DOING THAT#it just doesn't feel enough like i am just reading for my research paper some poetry book fics watching good movies but also hella lotta#sitcoms and just binge brain rot stuff#I DON'T I HAVE A FERAL SCREAM DUE IN THE WOODS ANYONE WANTS TO COME
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Violently swinging between still wanting to write that "Kuvira talks Suiren down from her manic cleaning spree" fic and not wanting to just rehash what I've written before/fearing I won't do it justice/genuinely scared of triggering myself again because I sink deeper and deeper with every breakdown
#and it's also like. what's the point#if only one person will read it. if there's a high chance I'll have to put myself through hell for close to nothing in return#maybe that sounds entitled and ungrateful. I don't care#I don't enjoy writing. never have. I'm not ashamed of admitting that if I force myself to write it's only because I'm looking for praise#and yeah. I know. this coming from the person who near damn deleted her fic after getting a genuinely nice comment on it?#make up your mind nia do you want engagement or not#but we're not talking about that right now#I guess my main worry is that I've already written astraphobia where while the inciting incident is different the gist is still the same#I'm drawn to concepts like these because I've put so much of myself into Suiren and her getting comfort is very spiritually healing for me#especially since my support network is literally limited to one online friend who doesn't always have the spoons to pull me out of my ruts#nor should it be her job to. I'm not implying that#but there's only so many ways I could write essentially the same thing. you know?#I don't think I could make it different enough for it to not be 'astraphobia but a little to the left'#and it sucks. because I've really been wanting to touch on Suiren's trauma responses that aren't completely shutting down#but I don't feel like I can pull it off#but no one else will but me....#ugh. I'm gonna talk myself into a breakdown if I keep on like this#I need someone to slap me every time I start talking like this. maybe that will train me out of it#just wrote out like five other self depreciating tags before realising that I was doing it again and deleting it#I need to stop
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