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itsuki-minamy · 3 years ago

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WONDERFUL SCHOOL DAYS: MY PRECIOUS RED

CHAPTER 1: START

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: skyflyinginaction

* Gakuen K (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

Suddenly she raises her face to the sound of something rolling.

It looked like it was a dolly.

The morning dew turned everything milky white.

The light red of cherry blossoms stretched over her and the world turned pink.

A school route that shouldn't be there yet.

The refreshing air that touched the surroundings was cold, humid, and heavy.

The cool green was also wet with dew and reflected the morning sun softened by mist.

There was still a little time left before the morning dew cleared, the air warmed with the breath of the students going to school, and spring felt warm and joyful.

"Super Ashinaka High School, huh."

From today she will attend classes here.

Her new uniform was a bit embarrassing.

A mixture of anxiety and tension, she could barely sleep last night. She should be weak in the morning, but she woke up at 5 in the morning.

She was told that she had to go to the school principal's office in front of the classroom to register and receive various explanations from her teacher in the staff room. So she left early, but it may have been a little too early.

She walked alone before a row of cherry blossoms full of morning dew.

Being alone in a world that melts into light red made her uncomfortable.

She decided to move to this school because she no longer wanted to be alone. But after all, she had the unpleasant feeling that she here she too would be alone.

Thinking it too much, she wondered what to do with everything from the first day of moving, but she kept thinking.

"……!"

When she was desperately trying to get rid of the anxiety that was born when she moved out, she heard a jerky sound again.

"Ah?"

Was there anyone? At this time of day?

Suffering from loneliness and anxiety, she was scared and ran away. She continued to the plaza in front of the school building.

In the gradually fading milky-white morning dew, she gasped as she encountered a figure that seemed drawn in light ink.

Along with the sound she heard earlier, the shadow made strange movements.

She was a little scared, but at the same time, her curiosity grew.

Beyond the miserable line of sight, there was a boy.

A boy in a black school uniform.

Navy blue hat. Peculiar auburn hair that bounced.

The open-chested shirt was hemmed at the pants and was a bit baggy.

She instinctively looked at the bright sky blue jacket he was wearing.

A school uniform? Hey? What? Student from another school?

But here on the school grounds? But the uniform here was...

"……?"

She didn't know why, but she tilted her head.

However, when she suddenly saw his feet, she was convinced of only one thing. Ah, she already understood it. That shaking sound was the sound of a skateboard.

The boy, who seemed unaware of her existence, was skating and skating, whether he was playing or practicing.

She thought he was jumping energetically. He turned the skateboard under his feet a few laps and got back on the skateboard. He spun on impulse, lifted the skateboard with one foot, and mounted again.

Although he was gliding at considerable speed, he avoided obstacles like nothing.

A series of light techniques that made him feel like the skateboard was part of his body.

Crack...

Involuntarily, she likes it.

She wondered if she could do it, or she would fall terribly.

How will he balance it? Why does that skateboard stick to his feet even if he jumps? It was strange…

It was like playing with the wind. It was like the wind itself.

Light, fast, refreshing and unpredictable. Freedom anywhere.

There was nothing to bind or trap him now.

His appearance was carefree and he didn't seem to have anything to do with worries and problems.

Integrating with the wind as he wanted.

It was at that moment that she became curious and was watching every move he made.

"Ah?"

The boy with the skateboard got on the railing of the stairs and went down.

"What?"

In an instant he was gone and involuntarily screamed.

Hey? Uh, it can't be! He fell?!

Before thinking, her feet moved forward. She was running out of breath.

She immediately reached the stairs and stood on them. Looking down with her heart pounding, he seemed to skid over the railing, landing brilliantly at the bottom. He slid down as he was and leapt to the top.

Did he hear her when he inadvertently held her chest with both hands and took a relieved breath?

Her shoulders shook and she quickly looked up at him.

"……!"

He had amazing eyes. Sharp, fierce, warlike, and savage. Hot and strong. It was like a flame.

She took a breath and opened her eyes. He looked at her too.

At that moment, he suddenly turned bright red and hurriedly turned around.

As he was, he kicked the ground several times and accelerated. Without stopping, he left her behind.

"Wait."

She swallowed the words that rose to her throat, surprised that the words were coming out of her throat.

She rambled a bit and lowered her hand, which reflexively pursued his back.

She felt that she wanted to see a more splendid technique, but it was a bit disappointing, but was it enough to stop him?

She turned her head and turned around.

The morning dew was quite sunny and the petals of the cherry blossoms fluttered happily in the blue sky.

"I am Konohana Saya. Thanks."

The letters "Konohana Saya" written on the board. When she bowed her head, she received crackles and scant applause.

Super high school "Ashinaka", 2nd grade group.

Ashinaka Junior High School, an integrated education school from kindergarten through college. This island centered around the school is called "Super Ashinaka Gakuenjima".

The economy is established only on the island and it feels like another country other than Japan. In fact, it seems that few people come to the island, even if they are not related to the school.

Until recently, she didn't even know such a school existed. She found out about it from a letter of recommendation to move suddenly.

But she believed that this was exactly like a ship for migration.

At the time, she was in a situation where she had to transfer to another school and hopefully she would stay away from her parents and the environment around her.

So, she came to this school, which has a dormitory on this island far from her parents' house, and they recommended that she move.

Suppressing her nervous, throbbing chest, she looked around her at all who will be her classmates.

"……!"

And then, she gasped when she saw the boy with a bat on the window seat.

Eh? Was he the boy from this morning?

Was that boy from this school? Was he wearing a black school uniform?

Behind him... a big blond boy with sunglasses, he was wearing the same school clothes.

Why just those guys?

The moment she turned her neck, she realized she was wrong.

She was wrong. Not just those guys.

On the side of the hall, she glanced at the boy who was looking away.

The boy with glasses was wearing a pure white school uniform.

She did not believe that the uniform was free choice. She had not seen such a guide.

Then why?

When she was filling her head with question marks, the master said, "Then, Yukizome-san. Please take care of her.", and he walked around the main room.

In the classroom, where there was a lot of noise when the teacher left, she was a little anxious and looked around her. A girl with sincere and friendly eyes ran up to her and smiled at her a friendly smile.

"Yes. Transfer student. Nice to meet you. I'm Kukuri Yukizome."

"Yukizome-san."

"Call me Kukuri. I'll call you Saya-chan too."

She was relieved that she had a carefree smile.

"So, Kukuri-chan."

"Hehehe. If you have any questions, ask me anything! I'll show you around the school today after classes, but trust me for whatever you need."

"So what comes first?"

Kukuri begins by explaining the PDA, which is a student ID card.

Ah... the uniform. She had wasted the time to ask.

She wanted to know about the boy she saw in the morning, but at that moment Kukuri's explanation was more important. She couldn't be rude to overlook her kindness.

She regains her mind and look directly at Kukuri.

After all, that question solved itself after lunch.

"It looks delicious!"

Around the same time that the teacher left the classroom, she looked for a place to sit for lunch, and suddenly they hugged her from behind her.

"Kyaa!"

"Oh, I'm hungry! It smells good!"

When she hurriedly glanced back over her shoulder, she met stunning strange eyes, blue and gold, and her eyes widened.

She was a beautiful girl. Literally, truly, a beautiful girl.

White skin and cherry cheeks. Long straight light red hair.

A boy with silver-white hair and tender eyes came towards her, who was stunned and hardened, and clasped his hands in a hurry.

"Sorry. Hey, Neko!"

"Shiro! That gohan smells delicious! This class was really difficult!"

Hmm? Is it a delicious gohan smell?

Eh? Isn't that the delicious smell of gohan?

Kukuri smiles bitterly beside her like a poker.

"Wagahai-chan, Saya-chan = Gohan, right?"

"Yes!"

"Yes!" She said cheerfully.

"Sorry. Neko isn't good at remembering people's names. She's not malicious."

"Eh? Oh, it's fine. I don't feel uncomfortable. I was surprised."

Um... when she looked at the boy, she thought he realized the meaning of that line of sight. The boy smiled and bowed quickly.

"I'm Yashiro Isana. Everyone calls me Shiro. So I'm glad you call me that too. That girl is Neko. Shiro and Neko."

"Shiro-kun."

"Yes. And this is Kuro."

A boy approached before she knew it. He had beautiful black hair and straight black eyes.

"I am Kuroh Yatogami. As a classmate, thank you for your continued support."

"Huh? Oh, yeah! This is it!"

Unexpectedly, she bowed at the harsh self-introduction. She was shocked. By no means, when she introduced herself, have they thanked her for any support.

"Shiro~. I'm hungry~."

"So, let's make a lunch box. Konohana-san, we'll let you go then. Konohana-san has to have lunch too."

"Bento!"

Neko suddenly let go of her and looked at Yatogami-kun's heavy weight with her eyes shining.

"Hmm. Okay. Then Saya-chan, let's go. I'll show you the school cafeteria and tell you the location of the shopping department."

"Eh? But…"

Kukuri's hand seemed to have a lunch box.

"If it's a cafeteria, I think I can go alone with the navigation system. That's Kukuri-chan's lunch box, right?"

"That's right, let me go with you. Oh! I'm not just a guide am I? I want to eat lunch with Saya-chan."

"Eh? Ah…"

She said those words softly to her. She was so happy that she was going to cry.

"So, I take your word. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank, because I want to talk a lot and get to know you well, Saya-chan. Let's go!"

Kukuri called out to her and smiled.

She wanted to meet her. Those words were a bit shocking, but she was still happy. It was amazing that she wanted to be her friend.

They greeted Shiro and left the room together.

"Oh, it's true."

They were probably boys from another class. She remembered the uniform when she saw the boy in the black school uniform fluttering around and came forward.

"Hey, Kukuri-chan.", she told her as she showed her the back of the boy who was walking away from her.

"Why do some guys have different uniforms?"

"Oh, that boy belongs to a special club."

"Special club?"

"Yes. Special club activities. It is one of the characteristics of this school. There are seven special club activities at this school in addition to the regular club activities. Club members will be able to use special skills when they join the club. They are popular among students, because the word "special ability" is great, isn't it? But only the "chosen ones" recognized by each director can join the club."

The word "special ability" surprised her.

"Only the chosen ones?"

"Yes. Not everyone can enter. In that sense, it is 'special'. The one wearing that black school uniform is from the red club."

"Red club... There were two people in the class, right?"

"Yes. Yata-kun and Kamamoto-kun. Yata-kun has auburn hair and a hat. Misaki Yata. The boy with the big sunglasses is Rikio Kamamoto."

"Yata-kun. I see. His name is Yata-kun...", she thought.

"Some boys wore white school uniforms, right? That boy was from the blue club. Fushimi Saruhiko-kun."

"Blue. So all seven of them have different uniforms?"

"No. There is also a regular uniform section. For example, the silver part. There is also a club that wears a rabbit mask and wears a ninja costume only during club activities."

"Eh?"

Ninja costume?

Did she wonder why? Was she the only one to whom all this was really suspicious?

"In this school, the special club activities are something special. Well, I think you will know right away. Oh, Saya-chan. There are several ways to get to the cafeteria and the shopping department, but the shortest route is to through this courtyard."

"Courtyard?"

"Yes."

Saya pushed open the glass door that led to the courtyard.

"Wow..."

She involuntarily screamed into the courtyard, which was much bigger than she expected.

The well-kept flowerbed had colorful spring flowers. The fresh green of the plantation was also visible.

The lush grass. No trash had fallen on the cobblestones. Light pink petals fluttered from the beautiful and splendid cherry blossoms. The white garden table and chairs below were very fascinating. It would be very nice to deliver her lunch there.

"Ah, but it's better to stop by on limited menu day. I think it's best to tour the school building. There are plenty of places to shop."

What?

"Eh? Did you buy it now? I heard it well?"

Eh? A joke? Would they laugh?

Kukuri just laughed kindly, "Yes. Is that true?"

"As Miwa-san says, it is a tactic. It is a strategy to expel the rivals. Most of the students cross the courtyard, so the courtyard is inevitably the most dangerous place."

She said it naturally, didn't she? Waiting? Was it weird that she didn't understand?

"I set up a purchase to get a limited menu... I haven't had any experience with that."

"Oh, is that true? It's interesting once you get used to it."

So it was.

But surely it would be fun to think of getting a limited menu through the differences? Should she think of it as a game?

That was when she thought about it.

"Sorry. I can't come here."

Kukuri sighed and looked back.

"Eh? Why?"

When she tilted her head, Kukuri pointed at something, saying "That." She was just looking around her and, for the first time, she realized that there were a lot of people gathered there and she opened her eyes.

Also, the atmosphere was not good for compliments. It was terribly upsetting and she felt bad.

A group of black school uniforms and a group of white school uniforms staring at each other. Was it a special club activity?

People who wore black school uniforms had a slightly mischievous impression. In contrast, many of the people wearing white school uniforms appeared to have a tight look. She felt like they were honor students.

However, all white school uniforms with his honors wore sabers at the waist.

So those sabers were weapons that can kill people. What was that?

"Kukuri-chan? They seem to be looking at each other, but what the hell are they doing? And what they have around their hips is a saber, right?"

"It's a conflict. What they wear on their waists is a saber."

"What?"

The answer is so simple that she doubts the ears of her.

"Conflict... is that a fight?"

"Of course it is."

"Eh? Are they fighting? Students?"

"Oh. It's a good reaction. Fresh and cool. Okay. You'll be surprised at first, but you'll get used to it. It's the usual thing."

What was that reaction?! It was really weird.

She realized that she was used to conflict.

However, when she looked around her, there were people looking away, but no one was surprised or made noise, and it seemed that Kukuri's reaction was correct there. She said it was a statement of fight, maybe the common sense of this school was a little strange?

Struggling to understand, she returned to a group of gazes.

"Oh, Yata-kun..."

"Yes. I told you that he is a member of the red club and wears a black school uniform. There is also Kamamoto-kun."

Kukuri pointed a finger at that big blond boy with sunglasses.

"Most of the red club members are bad. Oh, but that's fine, you'll be sure. We don't take the word 'bad' as a bad thing, so they are accepted by the students in general."

Eh? What kind of place was this? She didn't understand anything.

"Isn't it bad?"

"Hmm. It may be wrong to use the word 'bad', it doesn't mean they are bad people. How to say it? I think it's like people who aren't good to keep up with everyone. People who live their own way can be the closest ones. The principal is Mikoto Suoh, a third-year student. He is also one of the heads of this school, it is said that he has a lot of fights. You see, it's that red-haired person next to Yata-kun."

Kukuri points to the person in the middle of the black group.

Chillingly sharp red eyes. Tense and delicate cheeks.

Was he really older? He seemed charismatic. Regardless, his presence was astonishing.

"The blue club are wearing the white school uniform. They have excellent grades and good behavior. Most of the members of the group are super elite who also serve as student organizers and members of the disciplinary committee. The activities are the maintenance of discipline, student orientation, activities such as leading students at a school event, etc."

Discipline, right? Eh? So... what about sabers? Isn't it a violation of the law to use weapons and swords?

"That's why they don't seem to get along with the blues from one point of view. The director of the blue club is Reisi Munakata, a third year student. He is the director of the Student Organization within the School, the example! of exemplary behavior!"

That's right, the central figure of the white group that Kukuri later showed was like the "exemplary student".

Sharp glasses with calm and cool eyes. He listened to the red club swearing with a sweet smile on his lips, as if he were listening to classical music.

"You saw the one next to him in the hall, right? That's Fushimi Saruhiko-kun."

"Fushimi-kun."

"That's why I can't come through here. It's hard to get involved."

Well, could they involve her?

She was scared and just wanted to get out of there immediately.

"Hey, Monkey! Bastard, say it again!"

However, at that moment, a strong voice rang out from the courtyard.

She turned around and looked at the group again.

"Oh, I'll tell you a few times. Your power is below mine. MI SA KI."

Fushimi laughed vividly. Delighted, as if he was intoxicated with something.

He was creepy.

What was that look?

Furthermore, Misaki really looked angry.

"Hmm...! I can't take it! I'll take you down!"

Yata jumped up, fierce fury fading into his eyes. That's it… Misaki is Yata's name.

Suddenly, his classmates began to move.

"Wow. It's started. This is the end of the story for the special part. We have to move fast."

Kukuri came out in a hurry.

But she couldn't answer.

She was fascinated by the fiery bat metal that rose from Yata's hands.

What? It was certainly a flame.

Born from empty space, grew up in the blink of an eye and covered Yata's hands.

She was stunned by the fist that burned like a torch.

"What?"

"Saya-chan?"

The shape was slightly different, but everyone in it was able to easily create a flame and target the blue club. The members of the blue club also drew sabers one after another and defended themselves.

It wasn't just a saber, there was a blue light on the blade.

Is that a special ability?

It's like the magic that appears in the story... Wasn't it a dream?

Well then, what about her...?

"Saya-chan!"

Her shoulders were shaking and she suddenly returned to herself.

"Ah... sorry. Kukuri-chan..."

"Okay. It's dangerous here. Let's go now."

"Yes."

At that moment, Kukuri urged her to move quickly.

Yes, it was exactly a fight. Other students in the courtyard were screaming.

"Ah!"

Looking back, the first thing she saw was a knife with a red lotus flame approaching them.

And that was the last thing. She didn't have time to think about anything.

"Kukuri-chan, it's dangerous!"

Kukuri's body moved quickly. At that moment, a flash of light enveloped her.

In the bright light she was unable to open her eyes, and a tremendous destructive sound was heard.

"Tsu!"

However, it was only a moment, and soon the light disappeared like a lie.

However, the numb ears remained as they were, and the sound of the world that was lost immediately after the destructive sound had not yet returned, leaving only a high-pitched beep.

She thoughtfully held her ears with her hands and shook her head to shake her eyes and limbs from her.

A vague hum came from a distance, and she suddenly lowered her eyes over Kukuri in her arms.

"Ah...! Kukuri-chan, are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine. Nothing happened to me, but... Saya-chan..."

"Eh?"

"Well, the light is coming out of Saya-chan's body, but..."

"Ah!"

She was surprised by the words. She quickly released Kukuri and looked at her hands.

Both hands had a vague white light. Her whole body was in that state. It was as if she herself was emitting light.

When she looked around her hastily, the stone pavement was severely broken and scraped only around her. It was like they had excavated with heavy equipment or something.

The knife... strangely, it pierced the stone pavement with the flame burning.

The knife turned to stone. It was also deep. That should not be the case.

"Ah!"

Many of the impossible visions piled up and the blood rose again. Reflectively she hug her.

Oh! She again...

"Saya-chan. What's wrong?"

Kukuri's question chilled her back.

When she stood up, she took a step back and walked away from Kukuri.

"Saya-chan...?"

Kukuri's astonished face stared at her back.

What did she have to do? What was she to answer?

She didn't even know what that was.

It was at that time...

"A 'skill', right?"

A sweet, low and gentle voice resonated with the usual sound of his shoes.

When she shook her shoulders and raised her face, the person standing there was Reisi Munakata, who was the head of the blue clan and the Student Organization within the school.

In his hand was a sword that glowed pale.

It was horrible, but... no, more than that.

"Skill...?"

She was amazed at the words she heard for the first time.

"Yes. People with innate special abilities are called 'Strain'."

With that said, Reisi Munakata put the saber in the scabbard and pulled up his glasses with his fingers.

"The power of a Strain sometimes hurts people."

A painful memory crossed her mind at that moment.

She instinctively she pursed her lips.

"It is also our job to prevent that from happening. The other day, there was a report that a Strain had entered the island, but are you a transfer student?"

With a rattling noise, Munakata took a step closer. He turned and took a step back.

"The birth of a talented person off campus is infinitely equal to zero."

"Oh, that, I ..."

"In other words, the exception is that you are a Strain. Transfer student Konohana Saya. If you don't resist, nothing bad will happen to you. Surrender quietly and quickly."

Surrender.

As usual, a soft, sweet smile on his lips.

However, there was a dignified and sharp light in the eyes behind the glasses, showing that the words weren't a joke.

"Here we go."

Reisi Munakata approached her.

She knew she must accept. She should quietly surrender.

But what would happen as a result of the surrender? She already knew what to do after that.

She didn't want to think like that again!

A trauma revived in the back of her eyes.

She shook her head violently and took a step back. And when she held her head, she screamed.

"I do not like it!"

"……"

At that moment, the flame worn by the knife driven into the stone pavement on the rocky shore swayed and suddenly turned into a terrible glow.

Munakata was shocked and flew away.

At the same time, a column of fire that was burning the heavens unnaturally swelled and surrounded her.

"Eh?"

The heat increased and the view was surrounded by flames.

Although she glanced around her hastily, it was a flame on one side. A flame surrounded her.

What?! What was happening?!

No way, this was her too?!

"What...?"

She thought about it for a moment. Suddenly feeling congested, she looked at her limbs.

She got worse and worse and she knelt on the spot.

"What?"

The field of view was blurry. The smoke soaked her and tears came out, she spilled and got wet, she was fed by the heat and she dried herself quickly

Her head was shaking and she fell.

"Evacuate!"

Was it Munakata senpai? A sharp voice rang out.

Beyond the flames she was terribly crowded, with countless footsteps flapping.

"......"

Why did this happen?

The earth was burned, the sky, while the flames protected it and prevented other invasions.

No, it could be the other way around. Maybe to protect everyone from her. She maybe she was trapped in a fire ship so as not to harm her surroundings again.

That's. The witch must be burned at the stake. So the price to pay is fixed. She is not a good common person.

"Cough..."

She fell and coughed.

It was painful. The air was not getting well into her lungs.

Severe pain ran down her left hand.

It was a stabbing pain, but she could no longer move her body.

She tried to stand up, but she couldn't even see anymore.

However, as if she were hazy, her consciousness blurred and vanished.

(Oh really. Why did this happen?), she thought.

She wanted peace. But that was it. It must have been terribly modest.

It was at that time.

"Reject."

Lowly, a voice echoed out.

When she opened her eyes slightly at being invited by that voice, a black figure appeared in the fire in front of her. She seemed to rush there without hesitation.

No way, because such a burning flame. She couldn't just touch him and be sure.

It sure was a hallucination. It was a convenient illusion, because no one would come to her like this.

The moment she thought that, she felt something put on her head.

She was surprised by the feeling. Her vague awareness woke up and she opened her eyes.

Immediately afterwards, she had the sensation that her body was floating gently.

She didn't scream (she couldn't), but she was in awe.

When she hurriedly raised her face, it was red that was occupying her field of vision.

His red hair swayed from the heat and his red eyes stared directly at her.

Certainly, Suoh. He was the head of the red clan.

She gently touched what she had on her head.

Something with sleeves and black, maybe the school uniform?

Suoh said "Let's go.", while he held her, but did not understand the situation (it was not a hug like holding a princess, but a hug where she felt his arm. As parents do with small children).

Go where? How?

However, she still couldn't say those words.

And it seemed that he did not ask for her consent, and Suoh began to walk with her in his arms without waiting for her response, towards the flame.

It was no longer a scary story, and she reflexively tightened Suoh's shirt and supported her face to cling to his shoulders, but strangely it was no longer hot. The flame that had burned her skin a while ago was completely gone.

On the contrary, the cooling breeze immediately caressed her feet and her hair, and she widened her eyes in amazement.

"Hey! Transfer student!"

At the same time, a strong voice echoed out from the vicinity.

The voice was the same that started the fight, she shook her shoulders and raised her face from him.

His fierce eyes were now terribly anxious, painful, and distorted.

Yata.

Nor did her voice come out.

"You, your hands..."

Yata's expression, who seemed to be terribly surprised, slowly looked at her left hand. Both her blazer and shirt were charred and the back of her hand was swollen red.

Looking around her, the pillar of fire was still there. Behind Suoh and her.

How did they get out of it? What the hell happened?

As he held her in a self-defeating state, Suoh looked around him.

When she turned her gaze from her to him as if she was invited, she saw Munakata and Fushimi holding a saber.

Behind them, people in white uniforms were still busy moving.

Suoh stared at them, raised the edge of his lips and laughed lightly.

"This girl is mine."

Saying that he began to walk calmly.

She had a lot to say, but she couldn't get it right, she couldn't speak, and she closed her eyes softly, clinging to his neck.

"It's a clubroom, but... sorry I rarely use it. It's dirty."

Silky light brown hair. A good man with tender eyes offered her a can of juice and smiled.

"I am Totsuka Tatara. I am a third year student from the red club."

"Totsuka-senpai."

"Yes. You burned yourself, are you okay? How about the infirmary?"

After that, Suoh took her straight to the infirmary.

Her wound was a burn on her left hand. A slight low-temperature burn on her right knee. When she fell, she hurt her left knee a bit. It looked like her left hand was a bit awful.

She let the burns cool, then applied an ointment, covered with a bandage, insured and strap up.

All she had to do is wash, disinfect, and apply an ointment.

The time was about fifteen minutes, but during that period, the members of the red club stayed in front of the infirmary and nobody could get close, so it became a bit of a scandal.

So the nurse told her to rest, but she rejected that and immediately left the infirmary.

At the time, she was surrounded by a group of black school uniforms and in the meantime, she was led into a somewhat crowded empty classroom.

Several desks and chairs were stacked in one corner, and an old black leather couch was placed in the shape of three triangles. Juice cans and bottles were placed on the central floor, and it was really like a "gathering place".

Oh, Suoh? Suoh left her with the nurse and left immediately, but where did he go? He wasn't there either.

He had helped her and she wanted to thank him.

Sitting on one of the couches, Totsuka, who was sitting next to her, offered her some juice and looked at her left hand, which was bandaged.

"The burn on your left hand seems to be a bit terrible. You should go to the hospital after school."

At her words, Yata, who was near the door, made his shoulders explode.

"Yes. I am concerned. I hope there are no marks left."

Scars?

"Scars, what ..."

That didn't matter to her.

When she smiled and shook her head, Totsuka frowned.

"Um...?"

"I have to find a new school again."

"Eh...?"

When Totsuka was surprised, his eyes rounded.

That was a bit strange.

She was sure that this person was also in the yard. It was very strange to see that and not think "why?"

She smiled selfishly and slowly spread her hands.

"I have a power that ordinary people don't have. Did you see it? A while ago, in the courtyard. I did that in the previous school. I broke the school building in half, injuring a lot of people. That made me incapable of stay at the old school."

"……"

"That is exactly what Munakata-senpai said. I hurt a lot of people with my abilities. I have done something irreparable."

People from the red club were looking at her.

"Living as a 'normal person' in this school. Hide the ability. Never let my abilities go crazy. Do not disturb anyone, just control myself, do not stand out anyway and live calmly. That's what I imagined."

But it does not work. No way, and it all happened on the first day.

Oh, no matter how she fixed it, she was a "monster".

"Guh!"

She couldn't do anything else.

It went dark in front of her.

That show that never went away while kept burning in her mind.

Perhaps even a big earthquake happened, a part of the school building was ruined and turned into ruins.

Students who were at that time. A blue sheet placed in the schoolyard. The groan that filled the place. A bloodstained towel. And…

Involuntarily, she clenched her back teeth tightly.

She was unharmed. It was as if she was protected by the light emitted from her body.

A mixed look of amazement and fear towards her. It soon turned into disgust. Neither her friends, her classmates nor her eldest looked at her. They didn't try to get involved. Even the teacher looked away from her.

Even her family was scared and they always tried to be in a good mood. If they were in a bad mood, that house would be destroyed next. Her parents believed they could be attacked.

She lost everything that was important at the time.

She didn't want to repeat that feeling.

"No, wait. Um, Konohana-san, right? You don't have to do that. Konohana-san, you can stay here. Rather, I think you should be in this school. The "Ashinaka Super High School" is a school. where talented people meet."

"Eh? Are you gathering talented people?"

"That's right. Did you ask anyone about extracurricular activities?"

"That is…"

She had heard it.

But it was a story where you could use special abilities when you entered a special club, wasn't it a story that people with abilities met in this school?

At her words, Totsuka understood easily.

"That's right. That's true for most, but some people have the ability before joining the club, like you."

"Ah… Before joining?"

"Yes. It is training. But that is not what I mean. The important thing is that there are many talented people in this school. The skills are both congenital and acquired. That is this. It is the 'normal' of the school. You understand It is not "abnormal"."

"It is normal..."

"Yes, no one discriminates against talented people."

Discriminate?

"But... that person, Munakata-senpai said that I should give up..."

"That's because your ability is a mystery. I think I wanted to have it on hand before the hardships happened. It seems that Strains are rarely born outside of the school island."

Does that mean that she was a "foreigner" among talented people?

"You are so different from other talented people that he wanted to keep you close and monitor you."

She involuntarily clenched her back teeth and squeezed her skirt tightly.

Her burned left hand ached, prompting tears.

Why? Why did he have that ability?

The overflowing sound slid gently down her cheeks, and the voice of Totsuka and the members of the red club breathing in the room echoed out.

She didn't need something like that. That is why she lost everything. On top of that, he said it was different in another way and will likely be a target in the future. Until she surrenders, until she's under his control.

She didn't want to be a talented person. She wanted to be normal.

All she wanted was "peace". That was all.

Normally, she just wanted to enjoy school life every day. Why wasn't even that allowed?

"Usually I want to enjoy school life. I don't need any skills..."

"Uh..."

That's when she told him to leave her and roughly wiped her tears away.

"That was wrong!"

Yata, who had been standing in front of the door until then, suddenly threw himself in front of her and sat on the ground. Then, with a loud voice echoing through the room, he screamed, "It was wrong!", and rubbed his forehead against the floor.

"Eh? Ah…"

"That knife, I threw it at you!"

"……!"

""I threw the knife thrown by the monkey! Well, that's why I was the one who created the opportunity for you to use your skills!"

So it was like that.

But beyond that, she didn't know what to say.

She may have misinterpreted him as angry. Yata looked up and stared at her, then leaned down to slam his forehead hard against the ground again.

"The knife flame was probably me too! I hurt you...!"

But it was probably she who created the pillar of fire, and it was Yata who was injured.

She shook her head and wanted to say it. No, she was trying to say it.

But before that, Yata raised his head again, stared at her and yelled, "I won't let you do that!"

His eyes pierced her and held burning flames.

Dedicated to it, he gasped.

"Yata-kun..."

"Thanks to you, I didn't hurt the average student! And yet my benefactor saved you... Let me make it up to you!"

"Huh? But the wound is..."

"I will never let them monitor and control you! I will not let you do that!"

She involuntarily lost her words at the powerful scream.

"I won't let the blue club do anything! I promise to take care of other departments too!"

There was no hesitation in his hot eyes.

It was a trustworthy word that she could understand from the bottom of her heart and made her heart warm.

"I'll protect you!"

"Ah…"

"It has nothing to do with talented people or Strain! You are you! Enjoying normal school life, it is not allowed to do anything to you! Absolutely!"

"Yata-kun ..."

"Like I said, you'll be fine! So... uh, uh, don't cry, uh... that face..."

Yata lowered his eyebrows as if he was in trouble.

But still, Yata did not take his eyes off her.

"Guh..."

The tears overflowed again.

"What?! Did I say something strange?! Or did your wound hurt?"

Yata fluttered hastily and looked at her.

He was wrong. That was not. What should he do? She was happy.

She was a "monster" and there were people who wanted to "protect" her.

She could have hope and "peace", be "normal". That was forgiven.

She never thought that she would get a word like that.

Oh what should she do? She was happy!

When she brought her hands together, she squeezed her eyes tight.

Yata's worried voice, "Hey, Konohana…" made her heart flutter.

"Ah…"

She was glad. Her heart was full and she couldn't say anything more.

She could not believe it. From that day on, her life was going to change completely. She had experienced it. They hurt her and she suffered. It was still in her, too vivid a memory.

Talented people weren't special. She could stay at this school. She should calm down. Although she was happy with just that word, they would protect her.

She now she was normal.

She could enjoy her school life in peace and safety.

Will she be forgiven? Such thing. Furthermore, she, who caused such an incident...

(Oh, but I don't want to be a "monster" anymore! I'm so scared of myself! I want to recover "every day".), she thought.

"Hmm..."

Nobody said anything anymore.

Yata didn't even say, "Don't cry."

They were all there, silent.

A bell rang on the way to announce the start of classes, but no one seemed to mind that.

He was kind and gentle and surrounded her.

"Konohana?"

Kamamoto looked at her.

After skipping class for an hour, she returned to the classroom with Yata and Kamamoto, but she was scared and she stopped in front of the door.

Kamamoto breathed as she clasped her hands, holding her breath.

"Are you afraid?"

"……"

"Okay. There's Yata-san. I'm also."

"It's true, but..."

"Okay. Maybe there's nothing Konohana should be worried about."

Was that so?

Was it really possible that they saw her with the same eyes as this morning when she knew nothing happened?

"Okay. Come in."

But she couldn't escape.

She couldn't say that she couldn't get into the classroom if she was going to stay at that school.

She took a deep breath and desperately suppressed the tremors in her body.

When she looked up, Yata looked at her and opened the door.

Kamamoto patted him on the back.

She takes a breath and half shaking she enter the classroom.

"…!"

Immediately afterwards, the classroom, which had been noisy until then, quieted down.

At that moment, something cold ran down her back.

Ah! Ah! After all, she couldn't lift her face and closed her eyes. Was when…

"Hey, Saya-chan!"

It was Kukuri's strong voice.

Then there were turbulent steps and they grabbed her by the shoulders.

When she opened her eyes in amazement, Kukuri's crying face appeared right in front of her.

"I was worried! Oh, bandages! You're hurt! Oh, your legs! Do you hurt? Are you okay? I was worried because you didn't come back soon."

Shiro and his friends also run towards her with other classmates.

Was this a reality?

"Kukuri-chan..."

"Thanks for your help on the courtyard! I'm sorry I couldn't thank you right away!"

That said, Kukuri hugged her.

The warmth of her finally made her realize that this was not a dream.

Her back back of her nose hurt, and at the same time, her chest.

"Kukuri-chan... Am I not unpleasant?"

"Hey, why?"

Kukuri looked into her eyes as if she didn't really understand her meaning.

"Because, this ability..."

"Yeah?! I don't believe that at all. You were great as an ally of justice, right?"

"Ah..."

"Because you are a lifesaver, I don't think I could feel uncomfortable. Tell me if there is anyone who thinks otherwise! I will preach for about three hours! Hey?"

At Kukuri's words, Shiro and Yatogami took control.

"Ah..."

Oh, she already understood... what should she do? She was happy.

The exact opposite of the previous school. But it may be that she used to hurt people with her abilities, and this time she protected people with her abilities. Still, it's the same thing that was destroyed here and there with the non-human ability. However, by no means, would it be accepted like this!

"Eh? Saya-chan? Why are you crying?"

"Gohan~? What's wrong? Does it hurt?"

Both of her hands caressed it gently.

That invited more tears.

When she suddenly looked for Yata, he was already moving by the window.

When Yata looked into her eyes, he turned red and turned away from her. That was not the case a little while ago. Kamamoto gave him a small blow.

Finally, she was relieved.

She took a deep breath and put her hand on Kukuri's back.

++++++++++

"Yata-san! I'm here!"

Around the same time that the teacher was leaving the main room, the members of the red club entered and greeted Yata.

"Oh, come in."

"Understood."

"Wow, Saya-chan."

"Eh?"

Wow, she?

As she prepared to go home while glancing at him, she was shocked when she was suddenly called by her name. Surprised, she looked at the boy who was looking at her with a smiling face.

"What?"

"Oh, hi. I'm Chitose Yo. This guy next to me is Dewa. We're sophomores and members of the red club."

"Chitose-san and Dewa-san?"

"Yeah. The blonde over there is Eric. It was a bit noisy to get into the room, I wonder if it would have been better later. Let's go first."

Eh? Where?

"This is your bag."

"Eh?"

"Yes. Princess. Please give me your hand. Right hand. Take your left hand, don't you?"

"Eh?"

What? What was happening?

When she looked at Yata with a feeling of confusion, for no apparent reason, he turned red and turned around. Kamamoto who was next to her raised his hand and said: "Okay."

But that was it. She did not understand the meaning.

As she filled her head with question marks, they gently lifted her up and carried her out of the classroom.

(What? Well, wait. Where are we really going?), she thought.

"Ah, that? Where are we going?"

"Let's go to the red club room."

"Eh? Let's have lunch, that?"

"Oh, no. Not there. It's where we usually hang out."

Eh? Oh, that's right, Totsuka said, "We rarely use the place for lunch."

"Yes. That's right. I'll show you, so follow me."

He asked Dewa to please give him her bag, while Chitose tugged at his hand.

A boy in sunglasses and a hoodie under his school uniform pushed his back.

Behind it was a slim blond boy. Next to them, a boy who seemed to be serious, although his hair was standing on end, seemed to be calm. There were many others.

Yata was the first to walk. Kamamoto followed him diagonally behind.

Kamamoto suddenly turned around and raised his hand saying, "Okay."

Really? No, she didn't think Yata and his friends would do something to her.

But was she worried after all? Because she didn't understand the meaning or the intention.

Why were they trying to take her to the red club?

The appearance of walking surrounded by the members in black school uniforms of the red club seemed strange, and all the students who passed by had round eyes.

"It's unreasonable, it's not good."

Anna Kushina. A mysterious Japanese teacher, a beautiful girl with long straight hair and big red eyes, looked like a girl.

It was Chitose, not Yata, who replied with a smile: "I understand."

Anna nods and passes without stopping.

She looked back over her shoulder and saw Dewa.

"Huh? What happens now?"

"Anna-sensei. Doesn't she know?"

"No, I know. I know."

"Oh, Anna-sensei, the red club advisor."

After thinking about the meaning of her question for a moment, Dewa convinced her. It was true, that's why she couldn't resist.

"We got to the living room. Yes, let's go."

"Ok. You can change clothes yourself!"

Chitose, who tried to be fragile, is hastily stopped and their shoes are changed.

Oh, she's already seen it! She can look at it with a sense of interest!

However, apart from her, they march around her began again, probably because they didn't mind the direct gaze of other students.

She was embarrassed and lightly clasped her hands in front of her chest and denied.

"Oh, should I go to the girls' dorm? I'm out of school, but something..."

Eh?!

"Is this outside of school? Even though it's a clubroom?!"

"I wonder if it is a clubroom or a place that replaces the clubroom."

"Yeah? Well that's..."

"By the way, do you think Anna-sensei and other teachers will get mad when they find out I'm going in there?"

Would they be offended?

When she asked them all of a sudden, not all of them showed a congested expression, they just looked at each other and said, "Okay."

"Yes. It's fine during the day."

She got more anxious.

It was like that, they walked a bit. She went to a bar where they took her.

The name of the store is "HOMRA".

"Homura?"

"Yes. Homura. The common name of the red club."

It was strange. Was the red club commonly known as Homura?

Retro look and nice British flair. The deep, calm red was very impressive. The gold lettering "BAR", the lights and the exterior menu board were very atmospheric and liquorous.

The tenant on the first floor... but the building itself was made of brick and the window frame was dark green. It felt like you were on an English street that you see in the movies.

She knew it was prejudice, but it wasn't a "bad hangout."

"Oh, I see. It's fine during the day because it's a bar."

"Yes, please!"

Chitose opened the door with a smile.

A bright caramel colored wooden counter that can be seen as antique. A wooden floor that squeaked when you stepped on it. A classic that flowed smoothly. Various traditional and elegant interiors. The spacious couch seats looked very comfortable.

At the back of the counter, there were many bottles of liquor.

One person was polishing glasses, had shiny auburn hair and purple glasses. She wondered if he was the age of a college student. He was like an older brother with a big smile.

"Oh, that boy?"

The boy smiled as he watched her enter.

"Then Kusanagi-san, do something sweet."

Perhaps he arrived a little earlier, Totsuka, who came out the back, beckoned her to come.

"Yes, sit there on the couch."

"Eh? Ah, that..."

"Saya-chan, right? You don't like it?"

"Huh? Oh, I can't drink alcohol."

When she answered that while she was sitting on the couch, they looked at her like everyone was shocked for a moment.

Eh?

"Ah, that?"

"Well, did you think they'd be drunk? Well, it's definitely a bar here, right? But it's not good for minors. It's a waste."

She smiled and waved her hand.

She believed that it was different for not drinking because it is not good...

Oh, but that's not what she just said.

She shook her head, looked at Totsuka and then looked back at the young man.

"I thought they were drunk, but it was about making sweets. I'm not good at cakes made with western liquor, nor compotes boiled in alcohol, although I skipped the alcohol and the rum raisins. I mean, sorry. I think I am. I said many words."

"Oh, that's how it is."

"Wow, did you think it was going to be bad?"

"Saya-chan."

She felt bad. In a hurry, he waved his hands and apologized, and put the glass he had polished on the shelf and laughed mischievously.

"If you forgive a man too much, he will eat you, don't you think?"

Eh?!

"Hmm, wait a minute. Look, you guys are scaring the princess, don't you think?"

"Ah, that?"

Eh?! Princess?!

She was surprised to hear that, but the boy started to prepare.

When she looked at Kamamoto, who was standing next to him, Kamamoto said "Oh." and he point to the young man with his hand.

"Izumo Kusanagi. He is a college student at 0B and from the red club. He is the same age as Mikoto. He is the owner of this bar."

What should she be surprised about?

Is he the same age as Suoh? Does that mean Suoh was repeating a year? So he was a college student and a business owner? College student?!

"Kusanagi-san, what about Mikoto-san?"

"He comes in the afternoon, now he is sleeping."

Kusanagi responds without stopping to Yata's question.

"Oh, upstairs? The second floor is also a store?"

"He has nothing to do with the store. He's using the empty room on the second floor as a nap spot. He's the King."

"King..."

"Mikoto-san…"

At Kamamoto's complementary explanation, she looked ahead.

Late? So after that he came there? What? And the lessons?

"The basement is the storeroom for the store and it feels like our gathering place."

"I'll tell you. Even though I'm immersed in this all year, it's never been quiet in the basement and they've interrupted my business."

At Chitose's words, involuntarily, she chuckled softly.

"Oh, now you have a nice smile."

Then Totsuka laughed, gestured with his thumb and forefinger, and looked at her.

"You brought her in because you wanted to see her smile, right? Yata."

"Eh?"

When she looks at Yata sitting on the counter, Yata turned his bright red face and turned around, saying, "Ah, that's not it!" She's been thinking about it since noon, but maybe Yata was really shy?

"Yata-kun, really?"

"Ah...! But I said you would have fun in your school life!"

When asked, Yata yelled as he looked away. His profile was tinted red, and surprisingly the red was turning redder.

He somehow embarrassed her and her cheeks heated up.

"That's right. That's why Saya-chan…"

Chitose knelt on the ground and reached out in front of her.

"Plays with us."

"……!"

"Oh, I said it, it's not because Saya-chan is a Strain. I'm sure she created that pillar of fire. I'm glad she protected the students in general. No, I'm really grateful. I think she is. It does worst thing to do to injure a student in general."

When she shook her shoulders, Chitose rushed to shake her hands and said, "Oh! I don't blame Saya-chan!"

"We want you to join this special club, we have skills too. It's different from you that you didn't even know you had the skills. We got them because we wanted it. I think there is a great responsibility there."

Totsuka looked at her and said calmly.

"That's right. It's like Chitose said."

"Everyone in the red club is grateful to Saya-chan."

"Really...?"

(Wow, thankful to me? Um... why did I do that?), she thought.

She was confused and denied, but everyone was smiling at her.

"Yes. Thank you. Oh, and we're sorry that your hand got hurt, Saya-chan. I'm not saying that because I feel responsible, only Yata got hurt."

"Eh?"

"The rest is fine. Because the red club has a reputation for being bad. It's great that you didn't see us with that kind of eyes, but, above all, seeing those tears and doing nothing would make a man leave."

"Chitose-san..."

"We're having fun. Maximize that out now. I want Konohana-san to have fun. So I thought. That's why you came to this school, right?"

"Totsuka-senpai..."

But, she was a different "Strain".

(I'm happy, but...! But it can be a hassle!), she thought.

However, no one seemed to care about that. Why?

On the contrary, everyone was very happy.

"I'm happy. The first female member! It's the first time I've seen it of all generations, isn't it? Kusanagi-san!"

"Saya-chan. It certainly is. There has never been a female member in the red club. I hope you join the club."

Kusanagi, who came out of the counter, said that and placed a fruit-filled parfait in front of her. It was cute and it looked delicious.

"Yes, here you go."

"Oh, thanks! It looks delicious..."

Well, everything was getting really good. It would be good?

The moment she received the spoon that was offered to her while thinking about it, the floor creaked.

They all looked back in surprise. Kusanagi also laughed and stood up slowly.

"Good morning, Mikoto."

Suoh, who came down from the second floor, yawning sleepily.

No one said anything, and naturally everyone turned away. There was nothing to block his red eyes staring at her.

Great charisma. A bottomless flame.

She shrugged reflectively.

That wasn't horror, it was amazement... she felt a bit shocking.

"……"

Looking at her like this, Suoh scratched his head.

Then he took a little breath and walked over to her silently and sat down casually next to her.

"Hey."

"Oh, yeah!"

"If you feel like it, join."

The hand that reached out in front of her, made her eyes open inadvertently.

She was instantly engulfed in flames, and she gasped.

"Eh?"

"Okay, it's like a rite of passage."

Totsuka told her gently, and she turned to look at him.

"A rite of passage?"

"Yes. Sorry, but it is absolutely necessary to join the red club. There are many people who cannot take that hand and stop joining, but trust."

Totsuka wiped the smile on his lips and looked directly at her.

"Trust me. We, the red club, will never hurt you."

"……"

Looking at Yata, there were some members who seemed a bit concerned, but his gaze was very sincere, determined, direct, and fiery.

She was relieved, it should be fine. She had just met them, but she could believe it. There were no lies in those words. They would protect her. She looked at everyone around her.

They were all staring at her.

She swallowed her breath and looked at him.

That's why? There was no wonder or anxiety.

Without anxiety, she had no reason to be surprised.

This is where her words wanted to come out of her throat.

When she pursed her lips, in the hand that held the flame, she placed her hand.

#k #k project #k wonderful school days #gakuen k #novel #yata misaki #suoh mikoto #totsuka tatara #kamamoto rikio #munakata reisi #fushimi saruhiko

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landlordrecords · 4 years ago

Text

Bassline (& 2020 in general): Re-e-wind

What a strange year, as everyone, everywhere has said a million times… Writing-wise, I’d been doing Record Collector magazine since 2014, and uDiscover (the Universal Records online mag) for not much less, & that all just seemed to (understandably) stop dead with the onset of the pandemic. Since then, I’ve polished off my chapter on the work of Simon Morris and the Ceramic Hobs for Palgrave, & that’s about it, so you’re more likely to find me over on Twitter at Sniffy (@philblackpool) / Twitter these days, blurting out the odd sentence. I hence thought it might be time to revisit a very old piece…

Like many, I’ve been working from home for much of the year, and although I’ve occasionally wanted to pull out my own eyeballs, it has generally been very pleasant for a voracious music-lover. I started by catching up on the vast majority of my insane, years-deep second-hand vinyl buy piles, and then chomped through a load of ‘long listen’ stuff I’d had on the backburner forever (including, astonishingly, eventually getting through something like 40 hours of Pan Sonic live sets someone had dumped online). I graded hundreds of releases for sale on Discogs, and revisited umpteen musical thangs extensively, including 90s gabba, Sun Ra, music hall, Schoenberg, dancehall reggae, the acknowledged worst albums ever, happy hardcore, Italian house, bounce and makina (I’ve lost track of how much time I’ve spent checking out youtubes to try to identify a couple of most-wanted bounce and makina tunes), Britpop (!), cosmic disco, and Belgian popcorn. It’s been an extraordinary year, packed with cultural discovery and rediscovery. In amongst this, in no way ashamed of my abject love of Discogs, and already having used and edited it for many years, I read the entire guidelines and decided to go hard on sorting out stuff I care about on there. Seeing they’d finally added various more recent ‘styles’, I’ve spent the last month and a half doing a ridiculous amount of edits on a dozen or so niche genres of importance in recent times (footwork, Jersey Club, yadda yadda). My tweakings around Bassline and UK Funky eventually drew me to the attention of UK Garage legend Karl ‘Tuff Enuff’ Brown, a fellow Discogs obsessive not so keen on the editing side of the site, who wondered if I might give him a hand sorting out the mess of his own and his label’s (2Tuf 4U) discographies. His entertaining phonecalls were enough to convince me.

I dug out all my stuff related to Karl’s label to listen to along the way, and found myself noticing how much UKG has been back in the spotlight of late (key, and brilliant, article here: RA: Like A Battle: The Push For UK Garage's Future (residentadvisor.net) ). While by no means unaware of this (I’ve had some lovely promos from Kiwi and the like of late, plus some moodier bits from various El-B worshippers), my status as a confirmed middle-aged semi-retired raver had hidden much of this from me. This leads me onto one of my big philosophical points of recent years: I listened to dance music avidly before I ever went out dancing, and listen to it now in lockdown, and in semi-retirement. There is far too much an emphasis among ever-rejuvenating dance music correspondents on ‘the club’ as the only way to enjoy dance music, but we know that OG disco fans are 60+ and unlikely to be out every weekend these days – is their experience now worthless? Online fans talk up their love of dance music for exercise soundtracks, bedtime calming soundtracks, etc: this is reality. Dance music is as valid to all these people as rock is to people who haven’t been to a gig in 40 years.

The style I felt myself most drawn back to was bassline (largely via Karl’s low-key issue of some DJ Q material). My love of UK Garage and all its offshoots largely stems from how physically removed I have been from it from virtually its entire history. Only my 2000-03 stint in Essex perfectly matched the garage waveform, and that was the 2-step era, quite the opposite of bassline. Despite being largely a northern phenomenon, Blackpool is largely untouched by bassline, being all about punk and bounce to my mind. An instant love for me circa 2007, bassline feels like one of those genres with unfinished business, but remains one I’ve rarely danced to. Cut off in its prime, it is now back, enormously popular, and rightly so, but, due to the vagaries of the digital music world, some of its key material remains tough to access in any decent form.

I originally wrote the piece I have butchered for this one in March 2008, on Myspace (remember that), in reaction to the exciting waves of bassline and UK funky then reinvigorating the world of UKG. It looks a bit embarrassing now, with more writing experience, although I continue to applaud my own willingness to be open about my innocent appreciation of things I love but am not truly part of.

The most notable misstep in my original piece was the presumption that bassline would become the latest enormous chart sensation. Like happy hardcore before it, the ball was, in reality, fumbled. Instead of hoped-for freaky innovation, the producers also opted, as many in years gone by, for smoothed-out commerciality (in unholy alliance with low-grade grime crossovers), although the main adversarial issues seem to have been police crackdowns and the London-centric ‘cool police’. Although I was long aware of such problems with Niche in Sheffield (the genre’s spiritual home), it appears that the police interference had a devastating effect across the board ( Banned From Sheffield: How Jamie Duggan fought for bassline… And won (ukf.com) ). This largely explains why many of the bassline producers gravitated towards the largely wack bass house/house & bass style so beloved of teenyboppers in recent years. Thank heavens that era is now largely over.

Niche reputedly specialised in an arguably unholy mixture of dated late 90s speed garage and ‘bassline house’ (think ‘Let Me Show You’ by Camisra, and MK’s ‘organ house’), way past their sell-by date (I still only really like a handful of Shaun Banger Scott bits in this style, one single 2009 Brummie CD EP, and one Virgo remix). Ultimately, though, this experiment unexpectedly created something magical. The crucial element here is the 4/4 beat. While undoubtedly skippy, the vast majority of the material favoured had a firm 4/4 beat, always favoured across all key scenes in the north of England from northern soul onwards. When they ran out of tunes to rinse, in time-honoured fashion, they made their own. Long, rumbling walls of bass, organs, and hoppy-skippy beats, with raggafied samples and gunshots over the top. Popular in Birmingham as well (pretty much the centre of a vinyl glut at the time, and now notable in the popularity of DJs such as Chris Lorenzo and Hannah Wants), B-side titles hinted of coke overload. Disenfranchised by London’s movement away from the holy 4/4 (despite a slight revival in the early noughties), and via messenger services and the like, northern producers began to exchange a new hybrid in the mid-00s which took these speed garage and bassline house influences and updated them with current R’n’B bootlegs, with influences from grime (regional grime producers were key here) and, most notably, with rococo basslines. Its most obvious comparison point was Sticky’s garage productions, concurrent with the early grime era. Southern producers such as Agent X, Delinquent (who featured Gemma Fox on their magical 2006 ‘Boxers’), and Dexplicit (Fox again, 2005’s ‘Might Be’) ran with that, and the north lapped it up. Key early pointers also included DJ Narrows’ superb 2001 4/4 tune ‘Saved Soul’, and early 00s DND work (Artwork, later part of dubstep supergroup Magnetic Man). A notable increase in output came in 2006, and 2007-9 were the genre’s original glory years. And the bulk of producers and up-&-comings delivering serious anthems to the scene came not from London and the south-east, but from Leeds (T2, Wittyboy, Nastee Boi), Bradford (TS7), Manchester (Murkz, Burgaboy, Subzero), Nottingham (Virgo, IllMana), Leicester (JTJ, H20, FB & Zibba), and Wolverhampton (EJ, TRC, Brett Maverick). EJ’s Ejucation mix series (all up on Soundcloud) is a good place to start, beginning as the bassline house began to be overtaken by the pure bassline numbers.

Distribution for serious UK garage music has often been woeful, with only high street compilations & the chart singles (‘Heartbroken’ by T2, ‘What’s It Gonna Be’ by H20, etc) making it all over the country, and this helped stymie the true development of bassline, although vinyl prices, dreadful video promos, and the leap to digital in some ways didn’t help. Years on, as an incorrigible vinyl fanatic, I still only have handful of bassline 12”s. Yes, you can now access this stuff the world over via Youtube etc, but decent, high-quality copies of full-length tunes (they are often hacked about to great effect, but in a way which obscures the original intentions, in the mix) are not always the easiest to come by, although the classic producers are increasingly putting out digital compilations of their original work. Material that would, for previous genres, be fiended after, is lost to being just more online links. At the time, I looked high and low for 12”s, succeeding only rarely, largely on the flip of UK Funky releases. The (mixtape) audience, going by comments online, were often extremely young, are probably now still only in their mid-twenties, and are seemingly happy enough with this chaotic model. Bassline originally, as all rave genres, largely ran off mixtape boxsets, and a 2007 ‘Pure Bass – Fantasy’ box from Stoke remains my key document of that era: seven bassline CDs, with many tracks repeated, but packed to the gills, with most tracks only lasting a minute or two in the mix. As with all rave mixes, it has taken me years to suss the majority of the track IDs. In the Resident Advisor piece linked above, DJ Q (from Huddersfield) talks about thousands of lost bassline tunes, the bad side of the digital revolution. My recent Discogs ferreting suggests more bassline tunes than one might imagine did make some sort of decent release, but too many only made white labels, promo CDs for commercial releases (before being snipped from the main release), mix CDRs, or Youtube’s grainy depths. Classics such as TS7 featuring Bianca’s ‘Seems Like’ appear to never have had any decent release whatsoever, despite TS7 going on to be a big name in bass-oriented house, and Bianca Gerald having kept at the vocal turns ever since.

T2 hit biggest, with ‘Heartbroken’, a gorgeous, smashed-vocal garage dub so popular that it even inspired a Jersey Club refix. His catalogue was immediately deep, although I get the impression he has stopped adding to it. One complaint about bassline, including some of the T2 work, regards the untutored vocals, which can sometimes be rather flat, and certainly lacking in dynamics compared to the dazzling US vocalists featured on some earlier UK garage pieces (I refer here, as always, to TJ Cases’ remarkable ‘Do It Again’). I kinda like that - it shows amateur enthusiasm not far removed from punk, and most obviously links to lover’s rock, as does the production at times: it gives a feeling of melancholy entirely suited to the vocals. Other bassline heroes include TS7, who briefly brought to the fore sassy female garage MC T Dot. His productions also include ‘Smile’, one of my very favourite bassline tracks, full of that Simon Reynolds-quoted 'weird energy’ possessed by DJ Hype & co in the early nineties. Male bassline vocalists such as Ideal also remain unfairly forgotten, although some of the female vocalists have gone on to work in related genres since bassline’s peak.

Paleface, an ex-member of London garage rap crew Stonecold GX, runs Northern Line Records (FB, TRC, Wittyboy, Nastee Boi), something of a quality mark for bassline productions, while also making highly successful UK Funky tunes as part of Crazy Cousinz, and later progressing into commercial house territory. He chronicled much of bassline’s high-water mark (including being married to Kyla, since sampled by Drake). Wolverhampton-based Northern Line signing TRC proved particularly adaptable, spewing out a legion of original tunes and remixes before retreating for a while to grime. Leeds’ Nastee Boi was a favourite of mine at the time, with his pitch-black gangsta bassline tunes, but pushed on towards a mixture of underwhelming R’n’B vocal cuts and nursery grime toons. Wittyboy started similarly punishingly but also went smoother, unbalancing the classic bassline rough and smooth combination.

Now that the dubiously poisonous rep of Niche has been dispatched, the key bassline acts have returned to their key battleground, and the genre seems in full throttle again. Much of the new material seems a little one-dimensional to me: producers invariably big up Bristol’s My Nu Leng as, I suppose, a bridge from bro-step to 4/4. Everything, as acknowledged by the DJs, is huge drops and nothing much else. It still sounds pretty hot though – not the updated lover’s rock of a decade ago, but worth supporting. Bassline is NOT finished!

#bassline #bassline house #niche #organ house #brostep #speed garage #uk garage

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hypnobyl · 5 years ago

Note

Prampt- When Emma finds out she’s pregnant, she realizes Hook is not a man she wants to raise a child with, nor was he ever really a man she wanted to be married to. She leaves him, and finds herself at Regina’s not much later. THANK THANK MY FRIEND

CW: Mention of abortion

Emma sat in bed and watched lights from cars on the street flash across the ceiling. Despite having a relatively quiet nightlife, Storybrooke never seemed to completely fall asleep. She could relate. She flopped onto her side and checked the time on her phone yet again. The other side of the bed was still empty, and the time was still a little after one in the morning.

So much for being home early to have dinner together. She’d only told him four times that him being there was important to her, so she supposed there was more she could have done to remind him. But she was his wife, not his mother, and she’d hoped by now he would have gotten his childish antics and selfish desires in check. He was a handsome man, but he certainly wasn’t a mature one.

Just before two, she heard the front door open and slam. He should have assumed she was asleep and been quiet; she stewed for a few minutes while he clomped around before coming to the bedroom. She listened as he unzipped his pants, hopped around tugging them off, and fell onto the bedspread with a satisfied groan.

Her temper, held well in check until this moment, enflamed. She sat up and stared at him. He grinned at her and sat up as well. When he kissed her, she could taste the alcohol on his tongue.

“You’re late.”

“You understand, don’t you, love?”

She pushed his shoulder to create space between them. “No, actually, I don’t.”

His grin didn’t fade. “Don’t be like that.”

“Like what?”

He didn’t respond immediately. “It’s been a long day, and you’re going to nag me?”

She recalled her busy schedule, from working an extra shift with David due to a drunken festival held by the dwarves to helping Snow prepare for a family party the next week, and all the little things around the house she’d taken care of because if she didn’t, nobody would.

“What did you do?”

“Plenty,” he responded, his smile still in place but his voice edged with hardness.

Pushing him would end poorly, and she was well-practiced at walking on eggshells. “I had something important to tell you.”

“What is it, then?”

This wasn’t the right moment, and her throat clenched. “It’s not that important, really.”

“Oh, good.” He kissed her again and nestled into the covers.

Frustrated, she balled her fists against her thighs. “I’m pregnant, Hook.”

He laughed first and then silenced. The quiet of the room was tense, and Emma shifted uncomfortably. She’d expected a happy response—hell, any response, really. His laughter hadn’t come from a place of joy, and now, he wasn’t offering anything.

“You are?” he finally asked.

“I’ve taken a few home tests. Yes, I am.”

“You’re sure?”

Still, he wasn’t enthusiastic, and she hesitated. “Well, pretty sure.”

“How far along?”

“I’ll need to see a doctor to find out.”

“So, it might not be too late?”

It was her turn to freeze awkwardly. “What?”

“You know… to…” He drew his thumb nail across his throat and lifted his eyebrows.

She had nothing to say, which he took positively. Rubbing her thigh, he promised to take her to the doctor in the morning to get it taken care of. Then, he fell asleep, mouth agape and snores rumbling. She quietly rose, packed a single bag of clothes, and left.

Several minutes later, she stood on the dark street and wondered what came next. All she knew was that she was never going back. Ever since giving Henry up for adoption, she’d promised herself that if she ever had a chance to have another, she’d do everything in her power to keep them.

She couldn’t stay with a partner whose first thought was abortion, who thought he could decide for her what was going to happen. He hadn’t even asked what she wanted to do. Fighting a wave of emotion, she sucked in a deep gulp of cool air. She could go to her parents, but they had enough on their plate already.

As a kid, she’d known she was a burden to everyone who took care of her, and she didn’t want to be in that position again. Except, she didn’t have many options. She hadn’t taken any money, just her wallet with her ID and a bank card. While going to an ATM was plausible, she knew she’d never hear the end of it when Hook learned she’d taken money from their account.

Names flashed through her mind, all of which she discarded as unacceptable for one reason or another.

Slowly, she walked through the neighborhood, right up to the door of the one name that wouldn’t leave her alone. For whatever reason, she trusted Regina to help her.

She knocked.

A few minutes passed until the door opened to reveal a tired looking Regina, still dressed like she was at the office.

“Uh, so…” Emma rubbed the back of her neck. “Could I maybe come in?”

Regina’s gaze drifted down to the bag in her hand and back up to her face. “Is something the matter?”

“I just, sort of, need somewhere to sleep?”

“Is that a question?”

“No.” Emma cleared her throat. “I need somewhere to crash tonight. I’ll be out of your hair in the morning.”

Regina stepped back and gestured for Emma to enter. “Would you care to explain?”

Part of her desperately wanted to keep this whole affair a secret. Secrets had kept her safe—and maybe if she’d kept the baby a secret, he wouldn’t have shown this ugly side of himself to her. Maybe she could have pretended for a lot longer that things were okay.

“Um…”

Regina paused in the doorway to the living room. “If you’d like to talk, I’ll be finishing up some work for another hour or so. If you’d rather just sleep, you know where the guest room is.”

She had a choice, which ended up making the decision for her. “I won’t be interrupting your work?”

“This can all be done tomorrow. I’m working because I couldn’t sleep.”

Emma found her way to the couch and sat. “If you’re sure…”

Regina stared.

Emma continued, “I left Hook.”

“Took long enough,” Regina stated simply, reaching for a cup of steaming liquid. Tea, Emma guessed.

“What do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t normally interfere,” she paused while Emma snorted, “but since you asked, you’re too much of a free spirit to be tied down to a man like him. Well, given his nautical theme, perhaps your boat was never meant to be docked in his marina, so to speak.”

“I never really like metaphors.”

“He’s a man that likes control.”

“So?”

“You’re a woman who needs control.”

Emma looked down at her hands. “I don’t know about that.”

“You’ve spent a lot of your life ceding control for one reason or another, but I know…” Regina cleared her throat and stood abruptly. “Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee?”

“D’you have that sleepy time tea?”

“I refuse to call it such, but yes, I suppose I do.”

Emma waited patiently while Regina busied herself in the kitchen. Having this conversation felt oddly like an out-of-body experience, and although she’d been certain of Regina’s help, she hadn’t expected this sort of support. A few minutes passed before Regina returned with a warm cup of sweet-smelling lavender tea. Emma blew steam from the top, cooling it prior to taking a sip.

“I mean, irregardless of—”

“That isn’t a word.”

Emma smiled. “I know.”

“I believe you’re what Henry would call a troll.”

She couldn’t hold back her laugh; it felt good to release some of the anxiety and tension. “Well, whatever it was between me and Hook, it’s done now.”

“Did something happen?” Regina’s eyes scanned over her again.

Emma realized the implication and shook her head quickly. “No, nothing like that. He’s never hit me.”

“Good.” There was a threat behind the single word, one that promised a lot worse than hitting.

“I’m pregnant.”

Regina’s expression brightened slowly. “You are? When did you find out?”

“I wasn’t sure until this morning.”

The sunshine blooming on Regina’s face faded quickly. “And I suppose he wasn’t exactly prepared to be father of the year?”

“He wants me to get rid of them.”

“And do you?”

“No.”

Regina hummed quietly. “A predicament.”

“That’s why I couldn’t stay, not any longer.”

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need.” The offer came without hesitation, and Emma was nearly bowled over by the kindness. Again, Regina was more than she expected.

“I wasn’t easy to deal with when I was pregnant with Henry.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You might.”

Regina shook her head. “Miss Swan, you have yet to realize the effect you have on people.”

“Oh, don’t start with the savior stuff.” Emma leaned into the cushions, letting her head fall back.

“I mean on a personal level.” Regina reached toward her and then changed her mind, lowering her hands to her sides. “You’ve come to mean a lot to a lot of people. Myself included.”

“I don’t…” Emma shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean, but thanks?”

“This is hardly the time or the place, but I do care for you.”

Emma puzzled over this a moment before making eye contact. “Yeah, I care about you, too.”

Regina smiled tightly. “I believe we mean slightly different things. I don’t want this to color your decision to stay here, but I only thought it fair to mention so you have all the relevant information.��

“Stop hiding stuff behind your complicated way of saying things.”

“I would like to help you raise this child,” Regina replied, although the answer shed no light on what she’d said previously.

Emma’s heart beat a bit faster. “You would? I mean, it’s a lot to ask, and you’re not related to the kid—”

“I’ve raised another child I was not biologically related to,” Regina interrupted. “I think that turned out rather well.”

“Henry, right.”

“I don’t want an answer this evening. You’re facing something quite large, and you need the appropriate time to think and reflect.” Regina gestured to the stairs. “Go, get some sleep. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Feeling emotionally tangled, Emma stood. She pulled Regina into a tight hug, whispering thank you and enjoying the comfort the proximity delivered. She had a strong feeling that Regina cared for her a lot more than idle words let on, and she had to admit her own heart harbored something similar. Still, she was married, at least for the moment.

For now, she’d see where this fresh direction took her.

#pre-swan queen #swan queen #anti-hook #emma swan #regina mills #fanfiction #imaginethat57

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chilledfoodtin · 6 years ago

Text

Could Ardyn be the father of Ignis?

As we draw to the close of FFXV’s official content, we *still* do not know anything about Ignis’ parents or family life. This is a glaring omission given that we know something about the father of each of the other chocobros. Thanks to this vacuum of info, we have to fill in the blanks. There are quite a few viable theories out there, but after reviewing the large--and growing--number of parallels between Ardyn and Ignis, I think it’s very possible that Ardyn himself is Ignis’ sire. This has come to be known as the Papa Ardyn Theory. I will begin by explaining a few version of this (cursed) theory and then dive into how Episode Ardyn provides some evidence for it.

Intro: Papa Ardyn Theory

Before diving into how Episode Ardyn plays into this, it’s it’s important to understand the basic template of the Papa Ardyn theory. Here are the most straightforward versions:

(1) Ardyn impersonated Ignis’ father (from the Scientia house) and seduced his mother (this is exactly how Hercules was conceived). Ignis and his family are unaware of this. Ardyn, however is fully aware of this.

(2) Ignis’ mother was a Scientia. She and Ardyn had a brief lived romance (maybe even just one encounter) that resulted in Ignis. His mother never married, but Ignis took her last name (this is somewhat dependent on Insomnia customs). Ardyn may or may not be certain Ignis is his in this scenario.

(3) This is a variant of (1). Ardyn dfathered Ignis whilst in disguise, but he was not a Scientia. Ignis’ “Scientia” name is assumed, or even an entirely new, fabricated surname intended to distract from Ignis’ real pedigree.

In this post, I will argue for (3) and suggest that Ardyn fathered Ignis under the guise of Mars Sapientia. This is by no means the only potential way for Ardyn to have fathered Ignis, but for the sake of brevity I will focus on this one theory.

I. Possibilities

1. Mars Sapientia

Ardyn infiltrates Insomnia under the guise of a border patrol officer named Mars Sapientia. At first glance, it may seem like Mars is simply a plot device to explain why no one recognizes Ardyn in Kingsglaive. In terms of the DLC narrative, this is true. Mars Sapientia has no backstory or development of his own. In fact, he appears to be a clone of Petra Fortis from Kingsglaive. The name itself, however, is a direct reference to Ignis which leads me to believe the name is a clue from the devs and it’s where our focus needs to be.

The last name, Sapientia, is an obvious allusion to Ignis. Not only does sapientia sound like scientia, it has a related meaning. In Latin, sapientia means “wisdom”. In traditional philosophy, scientia and sapientia were considered two different forms of knowledge. Both seek the truth, but they do so in different ways. Scientia is more closely associated with empirical knowledge (knowledge of the natural world gained through sense) while sapientia is wisdom itself--a higher, more complete form of knowledge. Sapientia would be the variety of knowledge Socrates was seeking, for example. These methods of seeking the truth/knowledge are not at odds, they just have different implications. Thus, the last name “Sapientia” is clearly meant to refer to Ignis’ last name.

The first name “Mars” is a less obvious Ignis reference to a western audience, but it would stand out immediately to the Japanese audience. The Japanese word for “Mars” is “Kasei (火星)”. The first kanji means “fire” and the second means “star” or “planet”. In Japanese, then, the name outright references fire. This, naturally, makes one think of Ignis whose name is simply Latin for “fire”.

Mars connotes the god of war, or the “red planet” to much of the western world. That said, both the planet and the god of war are also tied to fire. The planet Mars (Ares to the Greeks) has always been known as the “red” planet and consequently has been connected to heat and fire. For example, the Greeks also referred to Mars as “Pyroeis” (fiery). Pyroeis was one of the “Astra Planeta” (star gods) who inhabited the planets. The god Mars is also tied to fire in part because of his destructive power and in part because he drove a chariot drawn by four fire-breathing horses. There are other connections between Mars and fire, but I think the link has been established firmly enough.

In summary, Ardyn impersonates an individual whose name is effectively “Fire-star Wisdom”. I think it’s pretty clear this is an Ignis reference, but to what end? This is where Papa Ardyn theory comes into play.

2. Mars as Ardyn’s avatar

There is a very strong possibility that Ardyn fathered Ignis under the guise of Mars Sapientia. If Ardyn masqueraded as Mars, it’s much easier to imagine an Insomnian woman (Ignis’ mother) having an affair with him. Or, perhaps, Mars had a wife and Ardyn just took advantage of the situation (the Hercules conception scenario). In either case, Ardyn could have fathered a child.

A potential scenario: Ardyn impersonated Mars on a frequent basis. Mars had a wife and a relatively average existence for a border patrol guard--except that Ardyn likes to impersonate him. On one of these jaunts to the outskirts of Insomnia, he fathers Ignis (presumably in 733, more on the timeline later). If we want to make it even more of a soap opera, we can assume that Mars and his wife had been unable to conceive a child (which would confirm that Ardyn is the father). If Mars Sapientia is Ignis’ father, though, why is his last name Scientia?

One simple explanation could be that the family changed their name following the infamous attack. After the Founder’s Day attack, 734 “Mars Sapientia” became synonymous with terrorism. Perhaps as a kingly mercy, Regis had the “Sapientia” name officially wiped from existence and allowed Mars’ wife (and son) to take the (comically) similar name “Scientia”. Mrs. Mars preserved some memory of the husband she had loved by naming her son after fire (pretty bold after the Ifrit attack!).

This could also explain why Regis brought Ignis into the royal court at such a young age. Perhaps Regis felt some guilt about the death of Mars. Even if Regis hadn’t slain Mars in combat, he likely would have executed him for treason. This is understandable given Mars’ role in the Founder's Day massacre, but we know Regis was aware that it wasn’t “Mars” it was “Adagium”. Regis might, then, feel sorry for this young boy whose father was taken from him under very difficult circumstances. If Regis was aware that “Adagium” was Ignis’ potential father, it would provide yet another reason to keep him under close watch.

This would also explain why no one mentions Ignis’ parents or his childhood in game. This would no doubt very painful memory for Ignis and his family (and any former Sapientia now Scientia). It could also be dangerous. If the general populace knew who he was, it could lead trouble for Ignis.

At this point you might object to the plausibility of a family name being completely wiped from existence and altered. First, I’d note that Lucian kings have a penchant for wiping names from history (and it would only be fitting that Ardyn’s son had a similar d”de-naming”). This would explain away any references to a house of “Scientia” that had long been stewards to the kings. Further, there is a precedent in reality. The current royals in England come from the “House of Windsor”. In reality, the family was originally from the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. The name was changed by George V in 1917 due to WWI. His proclamation stated ““The Name of Windsor is to be borne by His Royal House and Family and Relinquishing the Use of All German Titles and Dignities.”(source).

While I’m not assuming the Sapientias were royals, they would certainly have reason to change their name following the Founder’s Day massacre. Again, this is just one potential explanation--there could certainly be others.

2.1: Potential timeline difficulties

In the DLC, Ardyn invades Insomnia on Founder’s Day, 734. According to the Ultimania Guide, Ignis was born on Feb. 7th, 734. It's pretty clear Founder’s Day is happening in Spring or early Summer which would seem to rule out Ardyn fathering Ignis at some point during the DLC’s events.

At first, this might seem to rule out the possibility that Ardyn fathered Ignis while disguised as Mars, but there is no reason to believe that this was the first time Ardyn impersonated Mars (thanks to /u/scissorman for this thought). He may have practiced a similar ruse multiple times. Indeed, I am assuming such a scenario: Ardyn repeatedly impersonated Mars Sapientia and was able to essentially adopt his life long enough to father a child. This is made more plausible by the fact that Mars was a border patrol guard. Presumably he would have spent little--if any--time in the city center. This view is strengthened by the fact that Mars’ blood stained ID says it was issued in 719 and expired in 721. 721, of course, being the year Ardyn was released by Verstael.

What could explain this? Perhaps Mars Sapientia was one of the few guards on Angelgard the night Ardyn was released. He was killed and his credentials were collected. Ardyn goes on to practice his impersonation skills using Mars’ identity. Alternatively, Mars’ ID was collected on Angelgard, but he survived. Ardyn just intermittently impersonated Mars until he “burned’ the identity in 734. Most important, the 721 ID suggests that Ardyn’s first encounter with Mars was not 734 and had perhaps impersonated him for many years. To bring this back to the Papa Ardyn theory, perhaps Ardyn finally chose to burn the identity in 734 due to the birth of Ignis. An infant was not something he wanted to deal with.

The above outlines an account of how Ardyn might have fathered Ignis despite seeming to arrive in Insomnia *after* Ignis; birth. A closer look at the timeline, however, gives us reason to question the 734 date for Ignis’ birth. The Ultimania states that Ignis was made Noctis’ advisor/retainer in 740. The Scenario Side further elaborates that Ignis was 6 and Noctis was 3 when this happened. But this is impossible given that Noctis was allegedly born in 735 (there is a discrepancy in the Scenario Side saying Noctis was born in 736). It would make more sense if Ignis was established as Noctis’ advisor/retainer in 738. Ignis, then, would probably have been born in 732. This type of minor discrepancy should give us some pause about specific dates, but it’s more important to focus on the fact that Ardyn was active in and around Insomnia during the 730s--information we did not have before this DLC.

I may have convinced you that this theory is at least plausible physically and chronologically, but you still might be asking, why? What does Ardyn have in common with Ignis that would suggest the two are related at all? It turns out quite a bit.

II. Parallels

1. Names

The similarity between Ardyn and Ignis’ names is probably the most objectively compelling comparison between them. To see this connection, it is important to understand that Ardyn’s name was originally “Arden”. If you look at Roberto Ferrari’s concept art for Ardyn, you can see the name clearly labeled “Arden” (source)

While “Ardyn” has no obvious linguistic meaning, “Arden” does connect with a Latin word--ardens. Ardens, strictly speaking, means “burning” (it is the present active participle of ardeo, a verb that means “to burn”). Ardens is also translated more metaphorically as “passionate”. It is the ancestor of the English word “ardent” and “ardor”--both terms describing a strong feeling.

The above discussion makes the connection to Ignis fairly obvious--fire. As many of you probably already knew, ignis is a Latin masculine noun and is generally translated simply as “fire”. “Ignis” is also one of the few Latin names in FFXV that actually remains a common name in parts of the world. The names Ignatius, Ignacio and Ignace are all just variants of “Ignis”.

Not surprisingly, ignis and ardens can also be used in conjunction linguistically. The phrase “ignis ardentis” translates to “burning fire” (1). It could be a linguistic hint, of sorts, that Ignis and Ardyn go together somehow. Alternatively, you could ask if Ignis is also connected to Ifrit somehow (the Ifrit theory has been detailed elsewhere). The two names also provide a metaphorical contrast. Burning is associated with passion and desire while fire itself is associated with purity and cleansing. Perhaps this is another hint that Ardyn is somehow impure while Ignis is pure.

An amusing side note, SE appears to be aware of this linguistic connection in one of its other titles, Octopath Traveler. The highest fire magic in the game is called “ignis ardere”.

**It is worth noting that “Arden” could have been derived from Shakespeare’s Arden forest a name which likely does not derive from the Latin word “ardens”, but, of course, it’s possible the name “Arden” has a double meaning.**

2. Relationships and roles

2.1 Strategists

Ignis and Ardyn are some of the most intelligent characters in the game. This is expressed in their ability to strategize and plan. Ignis is specifically described as a strategist on more than one occasion in official materials--so I don’t think this needs to be demonstrated. Interestingly, though, in a cut profile for Ardyn (discovered in Platinum Demo files by a Reddit poster (source), Ardyn was described as a “tactician”:

Ardyn Izunia This middle-aged military tactician rose through the ranks by reforming the empire's magitek infantry, and now runs the nation seated at the emperor's side. Quick-witted and observant, he not only grasps any situation in seconds—he also manages to transcend and take control of it shortly thereafter.

Even if we ignore this cut profile, it's obvious Ardyn is a strategist. His plan for revenge was elaborate, detailed, and effective. We also recently learned (during the Q&A following the prologue release) that Ardyn is a big fan of chess--yet another reinforcement of his strategist side. If there was one other character in XV who would play chess--and excel--it is Ignis.

2.2 Older Brothers

This connection is more metaphorical, but it is still striking. Ardyn is an older brother to Somnus (specifically 3 years older). Ignis is an older brother to Noctis in everything but blood. In the opening of Episode Ignis, Regis specifically says to Ignis: “I ask you to stand by him and lend him a hand--as his friend, and as his brother”.

In the alternate storyline of Episode Ignis (aka “V2”) it’s interesting that Ardyn chooses to reveal to Ignis that it was, Somnus, his own brother who betrayed him. Why bother sharing this information with Ignis if he was just to be bait for Noctis? One potential explanation is that Ardyn felt the need to share this family history with his own flesh and blood. Of course then you might ask: why not reveal to Ignis in that moment that they were related? It’s possible Ardyn isn’t even certain, or perhaps he was feeling merciful and thought that information would be too much for Ignis to bear.

Ardyn is also exceptionally cruel towards Ignis (pulling his hair, repeatedly curb stomping him) which may be a reflection of his own frustration at Somnus--and himself. Perhaps he sees Ignis as a fool for being so loyal and trusting (the way he trusted his brother). He may also resent Ignis’ loyalty--perhaps he is jealous his own brother wasn’t loyal in the same way. In any case, it’s interesting that they are both older brothers of a sort to the would-be king.

Further, if Ignis is Ardyn’s son, it creates an interesting thematic situation with respect to brotherhood. Noctis would represent Somnus’ line while Noctis’ “brother” Ignis represents Ardyn’s. Ignis and Noctis could get things right in a way that Ardyn and Somnus did not.

3. Similar Taste

This section might seem the most frivolous, but it becomes compelling when you see the number of parallels. Generally speaking, Ignis and Ardyn appear to be the most epicurean characters in the game, but there are very specific tastes that they share.

One interesting revelation of Episode Ardyn is that Ardyn is a fan of Ebony. When you rest on park benches in Insomnia, Ardyn leisurely sips on an Ebony while reading a car magazine (a magazine Ignis also happens to read repeatedly ). As we all know, Ebony is Ignis’ favorite drink (some would say he is completely addicted). For the devs to give this drink to Ardyn, it seems to be a clear Ignis signal to the audience. Why else put this in? They could have given him Kenny’s Jetty’s drink for cheap nostalgia points. Ebony is an emblem of Ignis.

The two men also share a taste for delicate cake. It is well known that Ignis loves Fluffy Chiffon Cake. In fact, it’s probably one of his most identifiable favorites (it is an endearing feature of his personality).

What not many people realize is that Ardyn is also associated with that confection. In one of the SE Cafe events, Ardyn was depicted on a placemat with Elegant Orange Cake--aka orange chiffon cake.

Two characters in XV love chiffon cake. One is Ignis and the other is Ardyn. Of all the dishes they could have chosen for Ardyn they selected a signature Ignis favorite. It’s too obvious to be a coincidence.

The two also have a preference for “bespoke” clothes. Ignis expresses an interest in fashion (and a knowledge of it in his discussion of Vivienne Westwood, for example). In the XIV collaboration, Prompto also introduces Ignis to Y’jhimei as the “bespectacled gentleman with the bespoke wardrobe”. It’s also just objectively true that Ignis has the best fashion sense.

Ardyn is affectionately known as a hobo in the fandom so you may think he is less fashionable than Ignis, but this would be a mistake. Ardyn’s wardrobe is a carefully put together ensemble that perfectly reflects his personality--the true mark of fashion sense. In Episode Ardyn, he also saucily remarks about his lab attire: “I daresay this outfit wasn’t tailor made” further indicating his desire to wear “bespoke” clothing.

We also recently learned that Ardyn is a fan of wine (not surprising at all). Ignis never explicitly says he likes wine, but we can see that he cooks with it. The official Twitter accounts also posted a render of Ravus and Ignis having some wine in Altissia.

These might all seem like frivolous connections, but the world of XV seems to suggest that hobbies and tastes are heritable (to an almost comical degree). Given this, I think we should take these similarities in taste as *very* telling.

4. Dialogue and Combat

4.1 Dialogue and quips

Ardyn and Ignis have very different combat styles, but I was surprised to discover they share a few quips. When prisoner Ardyn first engages in combat on Angelgard he says “cease this!”. Many people will recognize that as one of Ignis’ combat lines from Episode Ignis. Many players found it somewhat odd and amusing so it really stands out here with Ardyn.

Later, when Ardyn is given his mission to destroy the shield generators in Insomnia he says, “no rest for the wicked.” I'm sure we have all heard Ignis say that quite a few times at the start of a random battle encounter. At the end of some combos Ardyn will intone “It’s over!” -- an identical line is uttered by Ignis when using High Jump (though he says it a bit more like “It’s ovaah!!”). It’s worth noting that Regis also says this line (I’ll post on that theory one day).

In chapter 9 when Noctis asks Ignis what happened to his eyes Ignis replies: “A small sacrifice, in the greater battle.” After Ardyn’s fight with Somnus in Insomnia, Somnus explains that he “killed” Ardyn and erased him from history for the sake of the Lucian people. Ardyn incredulously replies: "A small sacrifice for the good of society. How noble!" It’s a stretch, but interesting that the two used the same phrase to describe their own suffering.

4.2 Combat

I will keep this brief because Episode Ignis is a rabbit hole in itself (I have more thoughts to post on it eventually, though). In the alternate ending of Episode Ignis (known as “V2”), Ardyn does seem genuinely determined to kill Ignis (to inspire Noctis to ascend, evidently). In V1, however, Ardyn holds back considerably. When Ignis puts on the ring, Ardyn has a look almost approaching pity (I’m reading a lot in there probably). Once Ignis has been granted the ring’s strength, Ardyn seems excited to fight him, but he does not use anywhere near his full strength. In fact, he abandons the fight before the ring could actually drain all of Ignis’ life force. That seemed an intentional choice on his part.

It’s likely Ardyn chose to preserve Ignis’ life in V1 because he figured Noctis needed him, but it’s interesting to consider the possibility that he held back because Ignis is his own flesh and blood.

Completely silly side note--both Ardyn and Ignis are *very* scrupulous about buying novelty trinkets. Ignis spends time collecting items so that he can sell them and make enough money to buy glasses in his episode. Ardyn, despite mugging royal cops, conscientiously pays for each novelty hat he acquires.

5. Lucian Line Connection

I’ve suggested in the past that perhaps Ignis could be a bastard son of Regis (I still think this is a strong possibility). Many of the things that would support the conclusion that Ignis is a son of Regis also support the theory that he is a son of Ardyn given the Lucii connection.

Ignis is the only bro with a decent magic stat aside from Noctis, he has elemancy related tech and his most powerful move is magic based. The game makes it quite explicit that magic is connected to Lucian royalty and the oracle. If Ignis were part royal, it would make sense that he has innate elemancy skills. Granted, glaives (especially ones from Galahd) also exhibit magic sensitivity, but Ignis has another unique magic related ability--he survived the ring.

We know that only Lucian kings are supposed to b able to use the ring. Nyx Ulric, however, was able to use it briefly. In order to use it, though, he had to sacrifice his life. Ignis seemingly gets away with ring use at only the cost of his sight. Why the difference? One potential explanation is that Ignis has some Lucian blood--albeit tainted thanks to Ardyn’s downfall.

There are other parallels that I am cutting for brevity’s sake, but I think this displays the surprising number of connections between these two characters.

III. Conclusion

There are many hints (especially after episode Ardyn) that the devs want us to see Ardyn and Ignis as linked. One of the simplest, and most provocative, explanations of those parallels is the Papa Ardyn theory. The game never directly asserts that Ardyn is Ignis’ father, perhaps because they rightly assume this information would be unsettling to some, but there are more than enough hints in game to suggest it’s a possibility.

#ignis scientia #ardyn #ffxv #papa ardyn #theory #i know this is pretty much all tin foil #but I'd really like to know who Ignis' father is

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mysmestuff · 7 years ago

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Ice Cream Delight: Saeran x Reader (Part II)

A/N: This is longer than my previous chapter, I’m not really going to set a limit to how long each chapter will be, I just end it where I think it’ll be best to end :)

The doorbell rang when you were just about finished washing your dishes after eating the rest of the food the lady had given you. Of course, you were not expecting any guests (only guest you would ever expect was the lady but she’d tell you first) so naturally, you were extremely wary. You open your laptop to see the camera view of the area near the front door, the hidden camera you had installed before breakfast, and saw two figures, one waving directly at the (supposedly) hidden camera and the other seemingly nonchalant facing away from the camera. You were just about ready to ignore the two individuals but when the one that was faced away turned to the camera, you quickly realized who it was. Saeran. You went to open the door, ready to bombard him with questions.

“Saeran?? What are you-”

“Here, I got you ice cream,” he shoves it towards you, but you reflexively back away and mumble, “No thanks.”

“CAN I HAVE IT THEN?” the person accompanying Saeran, who had striking red hair and golden eyes, yelled, and he looked at you and then back to Saeran.

You slightly cringe at the noise, with it being so early in the morning. “Ugh, tone it down a bit, it is way too early,” you hadn’t realized that you said it out loud until the red-head spoke, “But it’s noon.”

“Yeah, which is early,” you heard an echo and you turned to Saeran, who was also caught off guard that you two said the same thing.

“Ohhhhh~ Am I witnessing love blossom? <3_<3″ you swear you could see hearts not only in his eyes, but around him. You decided to just ignore the red-head, motioning for both of them to enter the house. Saeran shoves the ice cream that was for you to his brother, who delightfully grabbed it.

After you closed the door behind them, Saeran sighed, “This is my twin brother Saeyoung-” “707! or Seven!” Saeran glared at his brother, who quickly turned away, pretending to be innocent. “Nice to meet you,” you started, “but, why is it that you have mint eyes and white hair that has.. pink tips?”

“Oh, that. I dyed my hair, and as for my eyes, it’s a long story, but you might see them change to their original golden color. My eyes are in the process of being treated and healing, it’s weird but it’ll sometimes flash to the golden color,” Saeran explained while taking a seat on the couch, dragging his brother with him. You nodded your head and took a seat across from them, “Anyways, why are you here? How did you fi-” you didn’t complete your sentence as you remember, he was a hacker too, and probably traced your laptop which he got when you went around his system. “Nevermind that,” you wave your hand dismissively, “So, why are you here?”

“Well, lover boy over here-” Saeyoung or Seven, was cut off by Saeran, “I’ll do the explaining, just shut up,” he glared at his brother and turned back towards you. You motion for Saeran to continue. “I want to help you,” Saeran takes a deep breath, “I know you’re in trouble and trying to get away from Mint Eye. I just really want to help you lose any connection towards that place, get away from it all.”

For a second, you could not respond but then asked, “..How do you know the name? and by the way your talking, you also know what it is? How??” Saeyoung responded, “Well, Saeran was- OW!” he clutched his stomach, where Saeran had hit him, looking at you again, Saeran elaborated, “As you know, I’m a hacker too, and my brother is one as well. We know about Mint Eye and what it’s all about, because we were involved with them, they threatened our organization and we destroyed them. Or, we thought we did. That’s also another reason why we want to help. In hopes of not only saving you from them, but to make sure Mint Eye doesn’t continue to exist, which you will help with immensely as you know of its recent activities.”

You nodded, telling them that you agreed, “I’m not only aware of what they do.. I helped them.. a lot. He always told me how important and useful I was,” you began sharing details. Saeran acknowledged what you said, “Yes, you’re a hacker, contribute to everything, and that nothing goes wrong.” You sighed, “Right track, but there’s multiple hackers.. The reason I’m telling you that I was really important to them, was because I was the top.. Pretty much led and taught the other hackers. Also, I know all the methods of hacking, from ancient to the most recent. So, to sum it all, I’m the reason why Mint Eye was pretty much invincible, and was off your radars.”

Saeyoung stood up, evidently shocked, “OMG! That’s why I couldn’t find a single trace! I thought Jumin had collected it all or something that’s why there was nothing of Mint Eye, but I thought it was weird! Not to offend Jumin’s intelligence unit, but even if they did collect everything, there would be more stuff that I could’ve found,” Saeyoung stops and turns to you, narrowing his eyes, “By any chance, did you participate with an agency that was responsible for-”

You scratched your neck nervously, “Blackout? Yeah.. that was me. I’ve never been with any agencies though, or worked with them. It was just a privacy issue I had. My um, friends, decided to go through my stuff in my room without my permission. So, I was pissed off about it and started thinking about how people felt when their privacy was invaded..”

“You’re telling me,” Saeyoung points at you and back at himself, “The reason why every freaking classified information, was blocked by some firewall that no one could breach, was because of a 13 year old privacy issue?? and pity??” Saeran was sitting still, confused by the whole ordeal while you responded, “Yep.”

Saeran asked, “Wait, what is this blackout?” Saeyoung sat back down next to Saeran, incredulous that he didn’t know what it was about, “It was around my third year in the agency, I was well-known as the best hacker. I had orders to dig up any information about USA, and I mean all information related to USA. I started to hack through their own database, which was blocked by a firewall I couldn’t figure out. I didn’t think much of it, because it was obviously their most classified information, so I thought that firewall was just something I could figure out later. Then, I started to try other countries or databases that may have information related to USA, but they were all blocked by the same firewall! Those 6 months threatened my career! I swear! Not only mine, but every hacker and agency! That event was named blackout, because it was like a curtain that couldn’t be moved was placed over every single information! Literally, no agency or hacker made any progress in those 6 months. Everyone was so desperate, that a lot of agencies who were enemies worked together to find a way to get rid of the firewall, but obviously, no one figured it out. Then, Christmas Eve, the firewall just disappeared. Agencies and hackers consider December 24th a holiday, just because it was the day when the firewall was gone,” Saeyoung stopped, trying to calm his breathing after rambling.

Saeran after listening to all that, seemed to ask the right questions, (lmao not really) “Did you not consider Christmas Eve a holiday before that?” Saeyoung stared at Saeran, (really? -_-) “December to January is when we get really busy, so there is no vacation on those months. That’s why a lot of them were kind of thankful that the firewall vanished during a holiday, allowing hackers and agency employees to actually celebrate Christmas, have the same holiday as you know, everyone else.”

Saeran scoffed, “In that case, I hope they get rid of that holiday soon. So I don’t have to spend Christmas with you.” Saeyoung clutched his heart dramatically and gasped, “My feelings~! THE PAIN!!”

You roll your eyes at his drama, “Saeyoung, how’d you know I was 13?” He turned towards you, smirking, “Lucky guess? I was 13 at that time, and I assumed that you were the same age.” You narrow your eyes at him, Saeran sighed and shook his head, “Please tell me you did not-”

“Bingo!!” Saeyoung cheered, “Right you are, dear brother!” he pulls out a card from his pocket, which you recognized as your ID from Mint Eye.. That was in your pocket before you opened the door. Saeyoung’s pride decreased when you chuckled in amusement, “Wow, who knew we were similar,” you teased, twirling a keycard. Saeyoung gasped, turned towards his brother grinning, “I like her. I approve. You have my blessing,” which earned him a smack to the head. You and Saeyoung gave each other’s belongings back, him asking what you were planning to do with the keycard. “I was going to find where you guys lived through that,” you shrugged. They didn’t bother asking how you would’ve done that just through a keycard.

You continue to inform them of activities in Mint Eye, starting from when all traces of Mint Eye was gone. Also, your involvements in those activities. You held off on a lot of details though, you still felt a bit doubtful. So, you arranged for a day for them to pick you up and explain everything else at their place, as it was only fair you went to their place too. Despite how you could’ve easily find their location or home, you didn’t want to risk getting found by using public transportation. They agreed on two days later, they’d pick you up in the morning and return you, at least before midnight. After setting the plan, they left and you went to go shopping for clothes and essentials.

#saeran choi #mystic messenger saeran #saeyoung choi #mystic messenger saeyoung #saeran x reader #mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger writing

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wwoofcsa · 5 years ago

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My weekend with pet

During my week with karla, i noticed (because it was pretty obvious) that i couldnt stop talking to petrina. We were like teenagers, messaging back and forth all day, day dreaming of one another and sharing everything under the sun. I was madly in love, like fall on your face in love with this girl and a plethora of bizzare things were circling our relationship (all of them super cosmic and hard to explain) that just gave me more reasons highting the importance of this relationship at this time. After intense and hilarious conversations, a thought popped in my head, maybe id buy a flight down to KL to see her for a few days? We chatted about it, but i was still feeling hesitations, i was afraid to let go and indulge in this realtionship. My entire life, im trying to find balance, and i was afraid that i was falling too deep into desire. BUT, after some conversations, i surrendered and jumped into the pool of love and bought my flight. A few days later, after pai, i was driving to the airport in chiang mai, hopping on the plane, and arriving in KL. I couldnt fucking wait! So i arrived, and we eased gently into one another, this was the first time we’d really spent time alone together, without any other stimulation to entertain us. But we eased smoothly the first night, as we laughed and talked and eventually fell asleep. The next morning we had planned to trip together. We had spoken about stepping a bit further out into the universe and taking a tab and a half each, and then adding some mushrooms on top. So we went and got some breakfast, made some food, set some intentions, and took the dive together. I lead the death meditation for her, and it felt like a really lovely start to our trip. And there we went, our rocket ship left the atmosphere and the next ten hours were an intense explosion of connectedness, realizations and honoring the intriguing relationship that fell upon us. There were times that we held eachother so tight, that it was like we were a meteor flying through space, inpenatrable on the outside, but safe and gentle on the inside. It was as if i had lived multiple complete lives with petrina. Each life, a completely seperate reality, similar to mr. nobody. In one life, we were two kids that met each other and were full of lust. In another, we were partners with a child, all of us covered in with shalls and warming up by a fire in the winter of northern thailand. Another life, petrina was my daughter and i was letting her know how much her mother (petrina) and i loved her.

The trip was incredibly powerful and intense, and near the end, we became slightly more sexual. Neither of us spoke, and i noticed that i wasnt sure what she was wanting from me. There were definitly signs that she desired pleasure, but at the same time it felt like a very surface feeling. I noticed that she wasnt recipricating touch, and that although we were being sexual, there seemed to be a slight distance making its way between us. Near the end of the trip, i started thinking about some of the things i had said earlier on, and that perhaps some of the things i had said earlier, may have caused a feeling of her needing to distance herself. I tried to open up and share and process the trip, but i could see that she was holding back a bit. I told her whenever she was ready to share, id love to hear. We fell asleep and the next morning she went to shower, closing the door and i could feel a continuance of the distance. It dawned on me that only a few days before, i was wearing the mask she was wearing of distance, and now it was my turn to feel the other side. I realized then, that neither of these roles were mine to play, and that mine was a secure one, and that i wanted to continue handling the situation from a place of truth and compassion, and not from anxiety and insecurity. So i meditated a few minutes as she showered, and when she came out, i asked if could share with her. She agreed and listened intently as i explained that i had noticed my mind finding insecurities, and only weeks ago i was on the other side of the coin. I realized that while i wanted to give her love, i never want to hold her back from anything, and that i really just wanted to make the most of our short time together. I wanted to end our beautiful weekend on a note that would send us into the world feeling good, and not one of regret and feeling foolish. I wanted to face my feelings, and confront them. I told her i was sorry, cause she expressed that she wasnt great with confrontation, but if we were gonna have a relationship of any kind, this is how we gotta do it.

Pet was incredibly receptive and opened up a great deal about how she was feeling the night before. She opened up and we talked about the lust we were feeling the night before, and how it didnt feel great, that i wanted to give her love, but it felt cheapened by lust. I pointed out that i noticed she hadnt even touched me, and while that was ok, it just felt as if i was giving and she was receiving, instead of us mutually sharing love. The day continued on and our relationship truly blossomed. I learned the importance of communicating from a secure place, of not attacking, and not trying to pin my feelings on external events occuring, rather just to express my feelings and intentions. It was truly a game changer. We had a fucking blast the rest of the day, laying together in bed, getting coldstone ice cream, and going to see the new spiderman movie.

Spiderman was hilarious, as we didnt realize that it was a cartoon. We arrived at the theater a few minutes late, and couldnt figure out what was going on. We left the theater and asked someone if we had made a mistake but the employee assured us that we had entered the correct theater. After reentering, we did some quick google searching and concluded, that we had in fact chosen to go see an animated spiderman, but since we were already there, we might as well enjoy it. And we did. It was a fucking awesome movie. I realized that night, that it didnt really matter what we were doing, as long as we were hanging out together, i was happy.

A beautiful weekend of celebrating ourselves, with the lovely petrina

Things i learned from my acid trip with petrina.

There was this feeling in the depth of my being, that a large chapter of my life was coming to a close, and that this next chapter was about to commence. I could feel this third of my life, the third where i was making decisions for me and only me, was ending, and i was entering a realm where i would truly feel comfortable to make desicions that considered not only myself, but also others around me. Thats not to say that that hasnt happened in the past stage, but this would be the predominant work of this stage. A stage of giving back. As if the early ears of my life were focused on taking and utilizing resources from my parents and the world around me, and then i left for israel and i started thinking about caring for myself and taking less from those around me. I focused on learning and diving into the things that were interesting to me, and filtering a many great things that were interesing and letting those core healing practices emerge organically. I now feel like im arriving a stage, where i can truly allow for opportunites to come, that will help me dive to the depths of some of these realms that ive started digging in. Whether its a 21 day meditation course, or a month long ayuhasca retreat, im reading to get deeper. In addition, my relationshpi with petrina highlighted a desire that i had for a family, one of these days, a most unconventional family, and i believe that in this chapter of life, i will start to arrive to a place of emotional stability and groundedness.

In addition, i had an interesting experience, as i was showering during the trip. I could feel, very clearly, how much energy i had been storing in my dreads. This was stale energy that id been carrying around with me, weighing down on me for weeks, through pai and chiang mai. It was a profound experience, washing away all of this old, stale energy that was no longer serving me. I cant even explain how much lighter i felt after the shower, after coming to the understanding of just how much we carry with us and within us from the past and if we dont take time to cleans and wash, it really does build up. it was awesome (like actually awe-some)

Another huge take away, was was omni present during the entire trip, was the idea of depth. I think for my entire life, ive been searching for depth, in almost everything that i do. Ive been trying to find tools to allow myself to experience the world in a more subtle and deeper way. During the trip, i feel like a door was opened that allowed me to see just how deep things can be in relation to how deep i have been living. It was truly humbling to see just how much of the mountain i had left to climb, but to see that there was a direction and deeper conciuosness (ironically, weeks later i would start my ayurvedic yoga/bodywork therapist trainging, where i would be consistantly practicing going to the depth of myself and of the world around me.)

Indulgance vs. discipline vs. balance

Lastly, something that petrina brought to my life, was this question between when its right to let go and indulge, when its right to hold back and be disciplined and how to find the balance between them. Obviously if you are always disciplined, you lose out on letting go, and living in the moment to some degree. On the other hand, if you are always indulging, it may be harder to reach a more sublte reality, or a deeper path.

An example of this would be, if i ate the entire cake by myself, i would miss out on a much deeper experience of sharing with others (a more eudonomic happiness vs. just sensual pleasure), or i would be trading sensual pleasure for pain and discomfort in my body later on. Or very simply, giving into sensual pleasures constantly, will be atempting to fill a void, that will just grow and grow (as both max and zen buddhism teach)

Having said that, if im constantly holding myself back, i may deprive myself of the simple and beautiful pleasures of life. In my attempt to get deeper, i will miss a very important lesson, in letting go and being present with what is, in flowing with the environment vs. trying to control everything.

It’s been a very interesting idea to play with and observe in myself

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spainmozsombi · 5 years ago

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Orientation day and cycling

The thing is dear whoever reading this, that life is not that busy around here, I think I adjusted pretty quickly to this spanish lifestyle of getting up late, going to bed late, and not running after every small thing that should be done asap. This means except the orientation day which was on monday, not much happened so I did not see the point of writing pages about doing basically nothing.

Random observations are coming so watch out. The spanish lifestyle I already told you about also consists not really taking traffic lights seriously (only by car, but sometimes not even with that). Literally nobody’s gonna look at me weird if I cross the road when the lights are red (the thing is, red lights are so freakin long I’m not spanish enough yet to wait that long), nor they will honk if I’m taking my time to pass when I have green light at the crosswalk and they’re turning left/right. Same slow, chill attitude goes when it comes to buying groceries and paying-packing etc.

About the orientation day. It started at 9 am, which seemed a bit early, and when I got there I thought nobody was gonna be there but a whole bunch of people were lining up already for some registration and getting a piece of paper that I still don’t know what it is good for. I met Oliver, my german friend, he was with an albanian guy who’s name I totally forgot 2 sec after he told me, he seems nice tho, and as a plus, he doesn’t speak any spanish either (and also gonna study political science) which makes me feel a bit less stupid. The faculty of political sciences and sociology (if i’m correct) doesn’t look so fancy from the outside but from the inside it’s much better, nothing very high-tech but definitely better than my faculty at home...(shame). After getting the piece of paper we sat down in a huge lecture hall for some information sessions with the vice dean aaaand the person responsible for international relations including all erasmus stuff. Learned some valuable information regarding credits, non existing language courses, free entry to the Alhambra (big old building, they say it’s kinda famous, looks like it could use some renovation...hope you feel the irony), and a whole lot more. They set up a game for us (for all erasmus students studying at this faculty, there were at least 100 people at this info session), they made groups of 5-6, we had to take a picture together and be creative about how to show what erasmus is all about adding a motto to the picture. I was in a group with french, german, south korean people, I’m not sure if we were the most ingenious ideas but it turned out to be okay (we didn’t win the competition though).

Some more information sessions followed. Orientation day ended around 2 pm, Oliver and I decided to try to get the so called ‘TUI’ card (student card), but first of all we went to the wrong building to get it, after that we didn’t find the good one, and found out that they take siesta very seriously so it only opens at 4 pm again (nope, it opened at 3 pm, was open till 5) so we decided to go back again later. Went grocery shopping with Oliver, bought some unbelievably green banana (that turned out to be truly inedible), and some other things. We agreed on trying to get the student card later that afternoon, what we managed to accomplish. I found it pretty interesting that while in Hungary it takes a whole month to get my student card, including going into offices filling tons of papers etc, here they asked for my ID, put the number into a tablet, took a picture of me in front of a canvas and that was it. I had to wait about 3 minutes to get my student card. Convinient isn’t it?! We went for a walk in the city center since Oliver had to buy some sheets and I had nothing better to do anyway. We found the shop where he had to buy stuff, but we also saw a Decathlon on the way so we agreed on checking it out later since we’re both huge fans of everything they have there. This is the part where you have to tell me how strong I am, cause I did not buy anything!

Some fun facts about the ‘TUI’ card, it works as a prepaid credit card, I can put money on it and if I hold it in front of the scanner on the bus it works as a bus ticket (it seems like they’re not familiar with the term ‘monthly student bus pass’ around here, I get discount for single tickets on the bus and that’s all. Shitty..), or I can pay with it at the cafeteria. This all sounds great but as it turned out the card is only valid from today 9/11 (today) and I could not use it on monday so I had to buy a normal ticket.

On monday evening the owner of the flat came to sign some contracts and get the monthly fee, and explain some things. She also brought her dad (I think, not sure) they explained a few things asked if everything is working correctly. All in spanish of course. I don’t know when was the last time I felt so uncivilized. Martin (the french flatmate) was kind enough to translate most things so it all turned out okay. After that we had a nice talk with him and the other flatmate called Yun (yes, she’s asian). They seem really nice, we are gonna have dinner together at some point where everybody will cook something traditional from their country. Good idea, (I came up with it, lol), the only problem is that Yun said chinese food is really hard to make (so she might make spanish then), Martin is not really a chef as he put it, and I pretty much hate everything that’s traditional hungarian food. Whatever, we’ll figure it out, important thing is that they’re up for it. Martin has been trying to get me into going to parties with him, ever since we started talking, he’s so presistent I’ll might go. Okay probably not, but I agreed that I like to have a few drinks and just talk so we might do that at some point, can’t wait, he seems like a cool dude!

The thing is today and also yesterday I did basically nothing (that worth mentioning), besides riding my bike and getting up late , exploring new trails each time. Oh yeah, the reason for this is that classes only start on september 23rd. Until then, I don’t really have much to do besides sightseeing, riding my bike, socializing (being very careful that, you never know..). I actually started working on my master thesis today, I’m kinda proud of myself. Ending this on a high note, tomorrow I might do a bigger ride to a cool trail not so far from Granada and a walking tour in the jewish district of Granada. We’ll see. Life’s good, apart from feeling a bit lonely sometimes I’ve been enjoying my time here. Downloaded Duolingo yesterday, have to boost them non existing spanish skills a bit (Martin said he’s willing to help, which I’m grateful for). For real, I’m done for the day, may upload some pictures too.

That’s all folks!

#ride #or #die #socializing #erasmus #spanish

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mobianstrip · 6 years ago

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sonic forces me to analyze the game

this is by no means a full, in depth review of sonic forces. however, since im working on a Forces au i think its only fitting to talk about my personal gripes with the game. just to be clear, i dont hate sonic forces by any means! there are some really neat concepts about it that i enjoy, which ill include my thoughts on as well! though with that said, theres a lot about it that could have been dealt with better. this post is gonna be a bit long and messy, sorry!

now i cant speak for what the gameplay controls itself are like since i havent actually played it with my own hands, so my primary focus will be the story and general format of the game. everything under the cut!

ill start by saying that in hindsight, i think the general premise of the game is actually really neat (had the war framing of the plot not been so overly glorified and bland. more on that below). eggman taking over most of the world is very reminiscent to the initial circumstance of mobius in the early archie sonic publication. it seems especially reflective of the comic in the fact that sonic forces takes place on a planet setting more akin to that of Mobius than that of Sonic’s World/Earth, the difference being the lack of human beings aside from Eggman. while this does somewhat bother me for the fact that it paints an inconsistency with the setting, im also all for the planet being strictly Mobians + Eggman again tbh. the concept of sonic being on earth populated by humans, complete with a mock version of the united states, never really settled well with me. it always felt like just a means to make sonic more relatable, which is true, but not done because it made anything more interesting. a problem that then arises is that the origins of shadow and silver/blaze would be radically different or at least would need some retcon alterations to make sense...but thats a topic for another day

overall, looking past the inconsistency with the setting and its implications, i enjoy how the premise of the game feels like going back to the basics. but even the premise still has its problems...which is never a good sign, and this point practically sealed forces’s fate of inconsistency: the theme of war and how it frames the story is so, so poorly written

starting with whats presented at the beginning of the game, sonic is captured by eggman as a prisoner. if the writing had just left it at that, fine. however, the exposition goes on to say that sonic has been there for six months being tortured...and that tails has completely lost it. again id be fine with this - the theme of war is a darker one so these two events would make sense in this circumstance. however, that tension is just totally lost in a matter of a few episodes. you rescue sonic who is just as cheery and jokey as ever, somehow able to fight a boss despite being supposedly locked away and tortured for six months

of course i understand that its not like they could give sonic ptsd and make him look tortured and weak and so on - but why even mention the torture thing at all? the same problem is apparent with the first cutscene with tails. tails is hardly given enough time to seem like he has "lost it". i will say though that tails WAS given a bit more of an emotional response to work with than sonic overall. particularly when tails is about to be attacked by chaos, and he ducks his head in fear and calls for sonic to help him even though sonic isnt there - i actually enjoyed this small segment bc it does reflect some of what was said about how he reacted to sonics capture (aside from also being across the planet...for seemingly no reason except bc he "lost it" and to get him away from the main group so that classic sonic can appear)

frankly speaking from these two points alone, the games tone just feels kind of confused. its obvious the writers wanted some parts of the darker theme of war...and its also obvious that going all out wasnt gonna be an option bc of the nature of sonic as a character and franchise being about more lighthearted, easier to relate to stories about sonics heroism. which im fine with that being the case; sonic is a hero and more importantly a mascot that profits off of kids being able to relate and look up to. my issue is simply that the premise of this game makes consistent writing kind of doomed from the start if the writers are trying to appeal to both the kids AND older fans. they cant go to the lengths necessary to adequately build the narrative. cant go too dark, cant go too lighthearted, and not finding a balance between to two gives you a confused and bland story

on that note, i personally find the theme of war to be...uncomfortably glorified and unchecked (adding to the tone confusion and blandness). sonic forces is named so because...yknow. armed forces. armies. the whole point of the game is that theres a war going on and youre on the good guy side. i mean its not as if youre fighting against other living creatures, just infinite and eggmans robots, but still. i think what put me off the most is the first comic with the soldier cat. after they save the day, the last lines are "I'll do better. I'll be better. I'll become a real soldier and a real hero." now slap that as the tagline to a united states army corps commercial and suddenly its really...sour tasting

war is just one of those subjects that i think needs to be handled with a bit more care. i mean think about it: the primary gimmick of forces is that you get to make your own character, to be the sonic version of yourself in this world. the plot of the game is that theres a war, and your character joins the resistance to defeat eggman. this game is pretty blatantly glorifying the idea that joining in on a war can make you a REAL soldier, a REAL hero. to some kids, that might sound pretty cool. but theres no nuance to it whatsoever, nothing thought provoking on the subject. no one steps back to be like ‘its good to do good things but wars are tough and not fun, and being a hero isnt everything’. none-a that

now do i think a sonic game could get it into a childs head that they should join the army for real? no, not necessarily. i think its possible, but i think that would also be due to a larger issue of military glorification present in modern culture in general (especially in america). mostly i just find the implications at play with glorifying the theme of war in conjunction to the avatar gimmick to be in poor taste and also entirely avoidable because...

i dont think the war and army framing even had to be a thing. not only is it just so sloppily done in general, with that fact that the supposed soldier forces on the Resistance side are literally never seen on screen except for some dialogue boxes in one episode and the rest of the time only being mentioned through other characters, but i seriously think never saying the words “war” or “army” and not including literal soldiers would have worked just as well and even been the better route. they could have just been like yeah heres eggman taking over the world, heres the resistance fighters that have come together to stop him, they are opposing forces and you play as your avatar to stop eggman - and just leave it at that. it wouldve made the glorification of war less obvious and the handling of the topics at hand appear less confused, appealing to a more lighthearted tone rather than weighing it down with frankly out of place hints to a darker subject of war

finally i wanna talk about the story as it relates to how its told through the game. the plot itself is fairly standard - eggman starts war, captures sonic, takes over planet. you rescue sonic, and together you fight eggman and infinite and ultimately defeat them. thats all good and well even if its cheesy sometimes. the REAL problem is how its executed. a lot of the exposition is given not through cutscenes, but through spoken dialogue with text box subtitles over the episode select screen. and it just feels so...stiff. it doesnt feel like world building, it just feels like being forcefed information with no substance behind it

i get that fully rendered cutscenes throughout can be expensive and time consuming, but shoot id take in-game rendered cut scenes at least. (like in sa, sa2, shadow 2005...) anything that could have provided the world building with a bit more ground to stand on would have been great. sure, there are levels to traverse which look cool...but they dont provide any sense of scale, they dont tell us what the area is like, and more importantly, you never see the other characters who are supposedly on the battlefield "alongside" you in a couple episodes. the storyline from the exposition along sounds like it could be an epic journey - but the way its told with the given game mechanics (i.e.: stage-based gameplay with no open worlds to explore) leaves a lot to be desired

i feel like the stuff explained in the comics should have just been cutscenes or exposition or something to pad out the game a bit. the comics are so short anyways so why just put it in the game? maybe not the first comic about the rando soldier saving the day or w/e...but the comic with silver and knuckles fighting chaos? the comic about infinites origins? all of that could have easily been included. at LEAST the comic with shadow was part of the DLC...but even thats just so gimmicky. they provide important background to the main plot of this game so i really dont understand why it was sidelined to comics and not just included from the beginning

the tension that the exposition already fails to build up is brought down even worse when coupled with the confusing timing of the stage complete screens, where you get your completion rank and see what new character creation items you unlocked. listen, i know immediate gratification for completing the level is important and all...but i swear, having these screens between the end of a boss fight and the cutscene showing what happens to them after being defeated seriously impairs the flow of the game. maybe having it there allows for the cutscene to load up in the background to improve efficiency, but personally id prefer seeing a loading screen as the break between a boss fight and the following cutscene after it and THEN the stage complete screen to finish the sequence off. the boss fight end cutscenes arent that long anyways for the most part, so its just nonsensical to have the stage complete screen interrupt the action when theres only a two minute scene left to it

i cant stand how streamlined forces is to the point of the main plot. what happened to games that actually take the time to explain stuff, show us extra bits to the story and how they connect? and even when forces' does explain SOME stuff, its through audio/text only dialogue. nothing visually interesting, just...dialogue. and then its off to the next level. forces' feels very bare bones honestly. the story is supposed to feel big and epic but it just wasnt given enough to bring that feeling into fruition. this is probably the only thing that saves forces’ from the war glorification issue because the game simply fails so miserably at telling a compelling story due to poor writing and poor formatting that the war stuff gets lost in the mix - and thats just sad

all of this brings me to my conclusion. fuck i wish sonic forces was a better written and executed game, because i do think it could have been so cool. i really like infinite as a villain, in both his design and personality. yeah hes kind of a whiny, edgy bitch - but he had potential. and its really gonna suck if this game killed off all that potential in one fell swoop

(then again, thats why we have fan content and aus :3)

#text

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houseinva · 6 years ago

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2 years prior, I’d been chatting online with a guy and agreed to meet up, inviting him over. I told him I’d need at least an hour to get ready but ten minutes later he’d arrive, texting anxiously from his car, insisting on coming in at that moment. I got a bad vibe as he was so demanding, so I told him I was no longer interested. I’d forgotten about that incident altogether until recently when I saw he’d reappeared online, his GPS-location just a thousand feet away. We started chatting; he said he’d moved up the street and gave me his number, asking me to send a text. I did…

When he responded to my text, his a4a screen name, apexpredaTor, appeared underneath his message, like a signature; only it wiggled around my screen oddly. I hadn’t seen anything like that before. Then something even more odd happened: his number started wiggling also… and began to move outside the message towards the top of my phone. I did a double-take.

Is this really happening? What the hell is happening here?

I pinched myself: no, I wasn’t dreaming. Whatever this oddity was, it was really happening before my eyes.Suddenly the number settled down, replacing my number in the spot designated for the phone’s lead contact. As if that wasn’t odd enough, then the number changed into another number – WTF?!?!? This was beyond perplexing and unnerving; I texted the number:

What are you doing? Are you hacking into my phone?

I heard the sound of a phone go off nearby; I’d recently bought a track phone to have as back up amidst my cell phone turmoil. It was my track phone that received the text I thought was going to the guy in the profile. The screen began to flash and flicker before going black: my little Track phone was dead thereafter. I have no idea how this happened, how this occurred, how someone even knew the number for my track phone (when I didn’t know it). I tried to send him an email through adam4adam and his profile was already deleted.

A year later I’d stumble upon the meaning of apex predator…

That night I contacted DC police, who arrived within minutes. They weren’t very helpful nor sympathetic:

So… what crime exactly was committed here? Maybe you should be evaluated by a doctor.

As subsequent hacks led me to call the police repeatedly over the next few months, their responses were always dismissive:

If this phone is causing you problems why not get rid of it? What do you really need a phone for?

Or they’d make remarks like:

You can’t live without the internet? Don’t you remember life back in the day when you didn’t have technology? Life was probably better back then, wasn’t it?

The officers clearly enjoyed using their internet-ready smart phones, they’d frequently cut me off mid-sentence to discuss more important crimes on their new, shiny phones. I’m not a mobile forensics expert or I’d have known what was going on, but the police seemed irritated that I was clueless; I could only describe the events that took place, not the technology behind it.

They seemed annoyed, like I was intentionally wasting their time. Ultimately DC MPD informed me they don’t investigate cyber crimes outside of fraud; they advised me to contact the FBI who turned out to be even more unhelpful.

I always spoke to the same woman at the FBI when I called and I came to know her well over the next few months. She had no interest in assisting me, either. She would frequently become short with me and hang up if I disagreed with her. It seemed like my calls were diverted to her whenever I called for some reason.

And no matter what I reported, no matter what I said to refute her advice, she always gave one of two answers:

That’s not a crime… (it’s not a crime for someone working undercover in law enforcement to…. have sex with someone they’re trying to get in trouble with the law, invade someone’s privacy repeatedly, place spy cameras in their house, arrange fake dates for them, make sure every day ends in rain to further drag them down… none of that is against the law. Click!).

Or else she’d say:

That’s an internet crime. Report it to the IC3.

The IC3 never responded and I sent numerous emails that summer. Not to mention these weren’t internet crimes either. These were organized, privacy-invading, mind-fucking crimes aimed at confusing me, causing me to doubt my sanity, and convincing everyone else that I was crazy. Hack after hack soon consumed my mind, I couldn’t get anyone to help, and I couldn’t find anyone who’d pay me and my phone issues any attention.

I saw the same apex predator guy online several months later, now with a different screen-name. Whoever / whatever he was, he wasn’t some random gay guy looking to meet for friendship or fun. He was an impostor, he was a fake, and he saw fit to destroy my track phone – my best guess – because whomever he worked for was tracking my communication… and it’s easier to monitor one phone instead of two. He even sent me another message referencing his hack job, one cryptic phrase – “yer phone” – then silence. His screen name below is – Imawesome310.

Over the course of the next year I’d see him repeatedly, always advertising that he was versatile, liked raw (unsafe) sex and liked to parTy (do drugs). It sounded identical to Ben almost, except with different photos of course…

Ben had mentioned the day of the recorded chat that:

Those people had been doing things to your phone for a while.

When I went back to look at my phone records going back a year — I stopped at the one year mark because I felt nauseated — 80% of the calls and texts appearing in my phone bill involved numbers I’d never had any contact with before; and T-Mobile said a lawyer was needed to get the records. Rrrrgh… why was my phone of such interest to others? And why did it all seem related to Ben? Why the hell did he know – yet I knew nothing?

Life was changing: big brother was watching, or better said, bigger brothers had me under some electronic, unlawful surveillance, and they were on me from all angles, flexing their muscles. That fucking Ben!

It seemed like everywhere, as far as the eye could see, there were profiles blatantly advertising their use of drugs – like poinTing refers to injection meth. Why was the entire world on Grindr now on hard-core drugs? This seemed to appear out of nowhere, and why Ben wasn’t after this influx of drug people was beyond me. But the profiles would engage me in conversations frequently about drugs — as if trying to portray me as a “false” version of myself that indulged in drugs and all things bad. Hmmm…

As more and more strange, explainable phone-events took place, everything from finding other people’s numbers somehow linked to my apple ID or my phone numbers being forwarded to foreign numbers, I found myself frustrated, I became anxiety-ridden, paranoid, and I eventually settled into a chronic state of fight or flight that wouldn’t abate. This wasn’t good for my body or my mind, but it’s like I went into “survival mode.” I didn’t know what to make of things, I only knew that things weren’t good. I was unable to concentrate at work or anywhere, I was unable to sleep, and I was unable to do anything but ruminate over what the fuck was going on, how this was possible, and how Ben seemed to have garnish more power than President Donald Trump. WTF?!?!?

Then I began to notice something peculiar: it was as if all the profiles around me online looked… a bit “off,” they had this narcissistic flair that left me questioning:

Is it the profile, or is it me? Is it the profile, or is it me?

The guys often appeared mentally retarded, presented with one-sided ptosis, or were drooling; fat was suddenly the “in” look in my hood, as well. Could this possibly be real or was this bizarre new Grindr landscape a reflection of Ben gaslighting me on an unprecedented scale?.

These profiles aren’t typical of what I’d seen in my neigborhood for the last 10 years, they weren’t typical of any guy putting his best picture up in hopes of meeting Mr. Right or Mr. Right-now, they were a bit freakish. At first, I thought I knew the answer, I was certain I must be experiencing the effects of too much gaslighting over the last 2 years and was having delusions:

It must be me, it can’t be the profiles. Ben doesn’t have the power to do all this, not possible.

And oddly, early on in the fake profile epidemic, before I started taking screen-shots of everything I saw, before becoming suspicious that these profiles were nefarious, I began noticing all these HOT guys that had moved in right down the street from me; there hadn’t been one in 10 years whereas suddenly now there was a plethora. There were all these black guys, like Ben, looking only for white guys, too, which is strange for DC given it’s gay community is a bit segregated, with profiles reading:

Black pole looking for white hole.

They also blatantly advertised wanting to unprotected sex only – with the oxy-moron being that they all were HIV-negative. And they all seemed to have boyfriends, too.

Hmmm… it almost seemed like Ben or someone wanted to tempt me into speaking with them as some sort of proof that I was the bad guy, the “other woman” who’d aggressively gone after Ben when it had been the reverse. I felt like speaking to them made me appear a hypocrite, like I was someone that pursued guys with boyfriends, demanded unsafe sex and was reckless with HIV. It seemed like someone was trying to bait me into chatting with these profiles as if to “flip the script” between me and Ben. Then again, maybe I was just seeing things that weren’t really there after all.

My neighborhood used to have no options when it came to hot, black guys into white guys whereas all the sudden there was such an influx I couldn’t believe it. Only… they all grilled me about my HIV status, and since they were in search of unprotected sex only, I was frequently rejected.

In fact, based on the conversations alone, I could sense which were Ben-related and which weren’t. I knew the ones associated with Ben would drag out the online chat only to suddenly bail on me at the end because they didn’t like my face pic or due to my HIV status. It was like clockwork, and I always knew before the conversation steered that way that it was destined to.

It seemed like all this sudden questioning about my HIV status came off like Ben trying to catch me saying I’m was negative, so he could use it to portray me as reckless. But there’s what I sense, what I believe and what I can prove, however.

Everything about Grindr changed. I’d never seen so many trannies on Grindr before, like Miss Peached / I love booty. I swear she appeared out of nowhere, and had a new glamour-shot style profile every time I turned around.

I’d never seen so many profiles with the names Alex and Ben, either.

This was odd… but it had to be a coincidence as opposed to some giant plot to fuck with my head, no?

Even stranger was how these profiles seemed to follow me around… they’d be close to me at home, they’d be close when I left work 10 miles away, it was as if they were following me. They’d change around their usernames or change their pics frequently, like every day a different variation on the same lead profile. Its like these people had nothing better to do with their lives than create numerous Grindr profiles that were all basically the same theme to begin with. Only this is all too crazy to be real… this all had to be in my head, don’t you think? This isn’t possible, right?

Despite the resurgence of people wearing animal gear, I had to think rationally, I had to use logic, I had to determine what was real, what was C-PTSD from so much narcissistic abuse and that god awful hack / POPO ending versus what was real. I still concluded:

It’s gotta be too much stress from all Ben’s fucking gaslighting, because this cannot be really happening.

I’m not one to typically pick on others, but I’m about to start; I’m sorry but these profiles were a bunch of freaks. Guys typically go on Grindr to meet other guys, to look their best; some have comical profiles, but in all my years using the app, it’s never been like this before.

These profiles just kept getting all the more bizarre and ugly; and these uglies seemed to be stalking me to no end, even if it was all happening in my mind. And why were they, more often than not, an exact 1 or 2 miles away from me? No wonder blocking the guy below never seemed to work – he kept coming back with new profiles to harass me – because he’s not real to begin with. But how could this be happening?

It seemed like with every strange profile I’d see, I’d make a mental note of ; then, like clockwork, each one would reach out and hit me up. They always claimed to have just moved into the area. I’d see them online every single time I logged on up until one day when they’d vanish for good. It was as if they moved out of town a few weeks after moving in, too. Something about the guy below seems… creepy, he looks a bit like Tom Green.

The first time he messaged me because I felt something was “off” with that eerie facial expression; I felt like it was another fake and so I blocked it. Only hours later, dude’s got a new profile and sends another message with that God awful nude pic, only to see yet another actual female-by-birth female on Grindr!?!?!?!

Someone’s definitely trying to fuck with my head!

Grindr’s terms of agreement specifically forbid impersonations… and Grindr is an app for GAY MEN, FTM and FTM transgendered people are included, but not lesbians, not straights, and most definitely, not female politicians. But then one day out of nowhere, I got the below message, calling me a narcissistic psycho. That’s not something one typically encounters in a random chat outing on Grindr; that’s not something I’ve ever heard before except when Ben would project at me, calling me a narcissist. I noticed something eerily familiar in what he wrote:

And that’ what you proved to be.

What, what, what? Come again? “That’s what you proved yourself to be…” and “Thank you for showing your true colors” were Ben’s two trademark lines he’d use before deflating my balloon, managing to flip the blame on me for whatever reason he wanted to use as his excuse for punishing me.

Animals are the new look, eh? I guess Stanley Kubrick came back from the dead and spread the hype of animal outfitted sex to the gay DC community so they’d pay homage to Eyes Wide Shut which, more befittingly should titled Eyes Sewn Shut.

…or maybe someone really was fucking with my head? Maybe that someone was Brandon… these profiles often made me think of him; their language, the way they’d express interest in meeting immediately only to bail at the last minute.

None of the typical faces I’d seen for years were present anymore, there was suddenly an influx of new, more often than not, non-African-American, crazy-looking folks with rather odd, similar-themed profiles having taken over my neighborhood.

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t use the picture to the right to attract potential suitors. But to each their own; maybe there are a lot more chubby-chasers than I was aware of… or maybe these stalkers were selecting the most outlandish profiles they could create. It definitely left me questioning my sanity, it definitely threw me off, and it definitely resulted in my sex life coming to a dead end.

More and more profiles would move in down the street, only to move out a few days later. I noticed several recurrent themes that seemed to want to flip the script: they’d have boyfriends (like Brandon), they wanted threesomes (which I fought him over), they were HIV negative but wanted unprotected sex. I came to deduce they were trying to flip the script because by me replying, it made me look like I went after guys with boyfriends, I was into threesomes, and I wanted unprotected sex with guys that were HIV-negative; they seemed to want to paint me out to be the bad guy. Guy after guy was from – you guessed it – Virginia – yet somehow they were all super close to me in location despite Virginia being a good 8+ miles away.

The one above initially showed up a few hundred feet away and hit me up; hours later he did again he was at home in… Virginia. A few minutes later his profile was deleted. All these damn Virginians were suddenly in my neighborhood. Whomever said Virginia is for lovers was wrong, it’s for stalkers and haters and phonies.

I also began to notice every time I was on Grindr, this stupid profile – POZ – would “tap” me or send this nasty ass message per below; I’d block him – and he’d then triple-toucan-message me again – despite me blocking him, he was able to get through. So annoying…

Malkyja: a name that was very similar to Brandon’s long-standing nickname, Malachi. And his ageist remark made me think of Brandon, also… plus he was located in, you guessed it, Virginia.

The below was sent 4 months after the first one… same pick-up line, too. There are only 2,000 profiles online at any given time on adam4adam, yet the same profiles in Virginia managed to see and contact me time and again. Go figure!

Malkyja continued hitting me up to point out things like I was up really late, or other stupid shit that nobody would say in real life – especially not someone living all the way in Alexandria, VA. 6 months after his first message to me, he changed what his profile said – as you can see below – it suddenly references none other than the Apex Predator – the screen name of the first profile that destroyed my phone.

This was no coincidence, but rather a way of dangling a giant middle finger in front of me that I couldn’t react to. I was definitely being cyberstalked, and those behind it weren’t kind, they were ruthless, they were nasty, and they were dead set on destroying me it seemed.

The profiles, of course, often referenced drug use, asking if I’d like to parTy. EVERYONE seemed to be on PrEP, too. I realize a lot of gay men were taking PrEP now, but this was disproportionately high based on current statistics.

Suddenly every gay man in Washington, DC wanted to do nothing but drugs. There were no good influences around me, there were no potential friends, there were only drug-addicted assholes surrounding me.

There was one guy I’d chatted with repeatedly over the years, he’d sweated me to no end to meet up. He asked if I “partied” and I told him no, and he stopped chatting altogether, and never spoke to me again. Had this fake profile spent YEARS talking to me, trying to constantly bait me into saying I did drugs?!?!? That’s how this was beginning to look – so someone clearly spent a shit ton of money, massive amounts of technology, not to mention man power – all to create these stupid fake profiles aiming to bait me into saying things that made me look like a bad guy, made me look like Brandon, or made me feel bad by constantly harassing me or blocking me the moment I unlocked my face pic. I’m not THAT ugly…

And Poz of course won’t stop harassing me no matter how many times I block him…

Capital T’s refer to meth; the term “point” refers to injecting it, nasty, but for some reason Grindr allows people to openly advertise IV meth use despite it’s rules prohibiting profiles advertising illicit substances. This was so juvenile only Brandon could be behind it.

Even a neighbor who I met, who didn’t know about Brandon, was suddenly referencing Brandon in his Grindr response to me… right next to the the guy looking for sex righT now.

The first profile: he randomly hit me up on day, and of course – he was from Alexandria, VA, and within a few texts, he asked me if I liked to ParTy – like the rest. He got the block.

Only about 2 months later, there he is again, showing up GPS-wise 500 feet away – and no, he was not inside my condo. Same picture, again form Alexandria, VA; only when I looked at the Grindr main screen which shows all the profiles located in regards to you – he wasn’t there. He didn’t show on the main screen, and he should have shown up right, snug next to me given he was only 500 feet away. But he didn’t appear there at all. Where he did appear was under the FRESH FACES section – which is where brand new profiles show up. His profile wasn’t brand new, I’d seen it before. The fishiness continues to mount with the fake profile brigade.

These profiles were beyond aggressive in hitting me up for sex, they’d immediately cut to the chase. Their greetings were forced and awkward: “Sup?” or “Wanna fuck?”

There were suddenly all these women on Grindr, and it’s an app for Gay men (lesbians are even excluded). Some were transgender, which I think still falls under the umbrella of “gay men” whereas real ladies don’t, even if they look strangely like your grandma or some famous politician. This was definitely a huge change from what I experienced during the nearly decade before chatting it up on Grindr. I was used to guys being blunt online – but they became way blunt out of nowhere. My profile pic is a headless torso, yet these new profiles would ask to meet up without asking to see a face pic first – nobody does that – this was odd, these profiles couldn’t be real people I was convinced. But location-wise, they were always super close, often fixed at 1 mile or 2 miles away. They’d send me a brief greeting – “hey there!” – and then immediately send me their phone numbers expecting me to text them. After my recent experience with that text turned hack, I wasn’t about to text any stranger nor give out my phone number to anyone. Most of the fake profiles insisted on meeting guys that were “clean” only, the derogatory way of suggesting HIV-positive men were “dirty.” This happens all the time in gay culture – but in another “is it them or is it me?” moment these profiles seemed to over-emphasize this, I’d never seen a resurgence of the terms “clean” and “ddf” (disease and drug-free) like I had here. Since becoming infected, I’d left my status blank in profiles, which everyone knows means positive anyway. But often these profiles would hit me up, they’d ask where I lived, they’d ask to meet up and right as I was about to hop in the shower they’d ask me about my HIV status. And every time when I’d tell them, they wouldn’t ignore me, they wouldn’t even block me, instead they’d all make really insensitive remarks and keep on going. This wasn’t normal, this seemed fabricated, this seemed like a way of using fake profiles to harass and belittle me. Initially it was also so bizarre and hard to believe that I chose to ignore it, thinking most of this had to just be in my head. In time I came to believe it was intentional. The term “stats” refers to HIV status; you can see in the below, the only comment left was

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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Case study: Starting with less than zero

I am not a trained financial expert. Im not an accountant, Im not a financial planner, and Im not a stock broker. Whats more, Ive made many many money mistakes on my own financial journey. As a result, Ive always been reluctant to sit down with people and go over their budgets. That seems to be changing. In March, I spent a couple of hours talking with a friend about her financial situation. A few days ago, another friend asked if Id be willing to meet with him in the near future to puzzle through his budget woes. And yesterday, I took three hours to chat about money with my friends Wally and Jodie. As always, Ive changed names and certain identifying features in the story that follows. Unless I have explicit permission to share details, I do my best to protect peoples privacy when I write about their intimate financial lives. Wally and Jodie have recently begun dating. Hes in his early forties (and recently divorced); shes in her late twenties. They both work in food service, and have done so all of their lives. Their trouble and the reason they asked me for help is that they cannot seem to make ends meet. They work hard but never have anything to show for it. In fact, they feel like theyre falling further and further behind. Can you help us? Wally and Jodie asked. I can try, I said. Lets look at your numbers. An Income Problem To start, I said, lets look at how much youre bringing in. Thats part of the problem, Jodie said. We dont have a fixed income. Because most of our money comes from tips, we cant predict how much were going to make from one month to the next. Right, said Wally. And it doesnt help that our hours are irregular. We both work at several different restaurants. Some pay better than others. Plus, there are days when you wont have any customers. When that happens, youre sent home early with nothing to show for it. Well, how much would you say you make on average? I asked. Wally and Jodie made some calculations. I make maybe $1400 per month, Wally said. On a good month, Ill make $1700. And Jodie makes another $1500. These numbers are after taxes. Jodie nodded. But we each just picked up a shift at a new restaurant. That should give us each maybe $500 extra each month. Thats great, I said, jotting down numbers in my notebook. But I dont like looking at potential numbers. I learned the hard way that when you budget based on future raises, bonuses, or other expected sources of income, you can get into real trouble. Obviously, you hope that extra money comes through, and when it does, you can apply it to your budget. Until then, though, its best to ignore it. I thought for a moment. My first impression before we even look at your spending is that youre not making enough money. Youre making less than $3000 per month combined. We should brainstorm some ways you can earn more. Starting with Less than Zero I turned a page in my notebook. Now, lets talk about how much youre spending. Thats the problem, Jodie said. We spend exactly what we bring in, no matter how much we bring in. That means theres never enough to catch up on our debts some of which were behind on. What are your biggest expenses? I asked. Well, our apartment costs $900 per month but itll go up to $950 pretty soon, Wally said. Not bad, I said. Thats actually a great price for Portland. And its a reasonable amount based on your income. I explained how the average American household spends one-third of its income on housing; I advocate aiming for 25% or less. Food costs money, Jodie said. We budget about $100 per week for groceries, but thats just bare bones stuff, you know? I have a car payment, Wally said. In fact, thats one of our biggest problems. I took out the loan when I was married. My ex-wife and I are both on the loan. It seemed reasonable at the time. Now, though, its a pain in the ass. I owe $12,500 on the car and payments are $300 per month. To make matters worse, Im already a couple of months late on my payments. This is causing me a ton of stress. It makes Jodie stressed, it makes my ex-wife stressed, and it makes me stressed. Hm, I said. I dont have any experience with getting behind on payments. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, for sure, but I was lucky. I never had an accident or got sick, so I was always able to make payments on time. I dont know that I have any good advice for you about this problem, but maybe some of my readers at Get Rich Slowly could help. Wally nodded. Honestly, thats one of our biggest frustrations with the money advice weve found, said Jodie. All of it assumes that youre starting from zero. Or more than zero. What if youre starting with less than zero? What if youre deep in debt we have $35,000 in debt, just like you used to and what if youre behind on your payments? What then? All of the advice we read seems to be written by rich people for rich people. Yeah, I can see how that would be frustrating, I said. Like I said, I dont have experience starting at less than zero. I started at zero. I was deep in debt, but once I stopped spending, I already had a gap between my income and spending, so I could immediately start paying down debt. You two have some catching up to do. We need to figure out how you can play catch-up. A Mountain of Debt As we worked through their budget, I was mostly impressed. While Wally and Jodie arent bringing in a lot of money, theyre not spending a lot of money either. As with most budgets, they did have some discretionary items that could be cut, but not a ton of them. (Their biggest discretionary expense seems to be local travel. Theyre spending a couple of hundred dollars each month to visit family and/or have fun with friends.) My biggest concern was their debt. Between the two of them, they have $35,000 in debt: $12,500 for Wallys car, on which hes upside-down. (I wish I could just sell it and wipe out the debt, Wally said. But Id still owe about $3000 if we sold it.)$12,500 for Jodies student loans.$10,000 of miscellaneous debts, such as $500 they just spent to buy new tires after getting stranded because of a flat. To complicate matters, Wally and Jodie are going through several large life transitions right now. Wally is fresh from his divorce, they just moved in together, theyre both trying to find permanent full-time jobs, and theyre thinking about moving to a cheaper place to live. So, thats our situation, Jodie said. For good or ill, thats what we have. Where do we start? How do we get out of this mess? Well, I said, the good news is that I think youre both capable of working together to build a brighter future. The bad news is that its going to take some time. Its also going to require some sacrifices or what seem like sacrifices. If you want to fix this, youll have to do some stuff that sucks in the short term. But I want you to remember: Most of these sacrifices are temporary. Theyre only until you manage to get rid of the debt. I read what you wrote about growing up poor and having a scarcity mindset, Wally said. I totally relate. My family was poor too. Any time my parents got money, they spent it. They felt like they deserved to treat themselves because theyd gone without for so long. And looking at my own life, I see that I do that too. Thats a tough trap, I said. I totally relate. And I know first-hand how when youre poor, you feel like any windfall should be spent on fun. But if you want long-term happiness and financial stability, you have to decide that for a year or two youre not going to give in to that temptation. When you get a bonus or a raise or a big tip from a table at work, youll put that money toward your financial goals, not toward a nice dinner out. Once you get rid of the debt, you can have all sorts of nice dinners out. But until then, you have to agree to make a game of living on less. Growing the Gap I want you to focus on two things, I said. The first thing is the gap between your earning and spending. Right now, you dont have a gap. Youre spending exactly what you earn. Its impossible to save for the future or to catch up on your debt if you dont make more than you earn. So, to start, you two need to do whatever you can to increase this gap. I turned back to my notes on their budget. You should trim your budget in whatever way you can. You dont have a lot to trim, but if theres anything you can cut, cut it. I know family is important to you, but maybe you can explain what that youre trying to get out of debt and need to take some time off from the visits. Or maybe make the visits shorter a weekend instead of a week. And remember: Youre not cutting these things forever. Youre only cutting them until you get rid of your debt. Wally and Jodie nodded. Because you dont have a lot to cut from your budget, I continued, I think the best way for you to increase your gap is to find ways to earn more money. Right now, youre both working at two or three or four different restaurants. You only have a few hours per week at each place. None of the restaurants are that nice, so you dont make great tips. Honestly, I think this is where you should focus most of your attention. Wally sighed. Weve talked about that, he said. Wed love to earn more, but nothing ever seems to work out. One place says its going to give us more hours, but it never does. Jodie will pick up a shift a nice restaurant across town, but then its a logistical problem to get there. I get frustrated by how much time is involved with all of this. Thats a good point, I said, and I dont have a good solution. Actually, you know what Id do if I were you? Youre both great servers. You do good work. Your bosses like you, and so do your customers. If I were you, I wouldnt be looking for work at diners and cafes. In your spare time which I know isnt much you should be applying for work at upscale places. When you work at a nicer place, you dont do any more work, but you make a lot more money. Plus, you have the advantage of interacting with a different sort of clientele. If you build relationships with some of them, who knows where that could lead? When I was in college, I made money by waiting tables. I received several job offers from regular customers who were impressed by my work ethic. I suspect that if Wally and Jodie were in the right environment, theyd experience the same kind of thing. Another option is to pick up a few hours work doing something completely different, I suggested. Maybe Jodie could work in a womens clothing store. Maybe Wally could do yardwork or handyman stuff. I think we get where youre going with this, Jodie said. We need to increase the gap between our earning and spending. Because we dont spend a lot, the best way to do this is to earn more moneysomehow. Yep, I said. Thats the gist of it. Thats the first thing I think you should focus on. Taking Baby Steps The second thing you should tackle is your debt. I know you both have things you want to save for long term, but I want you to put those dreams on hold for now. You cant save for your future until you pay off your past. My dad tells me I should save first before tackling the debt, Jodie said. He says I should build six months of savings before anything else. What do you think? I disagree, I said. I think saving six months worth of expenses is a fine goal, and thats absolutely what you should aim for. But thats not where you should start. As you increase your gap between earning and spending because remember everything depends on this gap I think you should apply your money according to the Dave Ramsey plan. Here, Ill explain. I made a modified list of Dave Ramseys baby steps: Build a basic emergency fund of roughly $1000 (while continuing to make minimum payments on debt). My advice is to keep this fund in a brand-new bank account that isnt connected in any way to your other accounts, I said. You want to make this easy enough to access when you need it, but not so easy that you can just access the money on a whim.Pay off all debt using some version of the debt snowball method. When I was struggling, I couldnt figure out how to get out of debt, I said. Dave Ramseys version of the debt snowball helped me. In your case, Id use a slightly different version. Wallys car seems to be a huge psychological weight. You two need to prioritize that. After youve saved your emergency fund, throw as much money as you can at debt with everything extra you can find going to that car.Save an enhanced emergency fund equal to six months of normal expenses. After youre out of debt, beef up your savings. I know youll want to start saving for other goals right away, but dont. Take time to add some margin to your life. Youll be glad you did.Pursue long-term financial goals, such as traveling, moving to Idaho, or buying a motorcycle. You know whats awesome? I said. After youve taken time to pay off what you owe using the debt snowball, then you can immediately start building a wealth snowball. If youre paying $500 toward debt each month, then once that debt is gone you can immediately start saving $500 per month! That all sounds great, said Wally, but to be honest, J.D., in some ways your advice is just like the other advice. What do you mean? I asked. Well, its assuming that were starting from zero. But were not. Were starting with less than zero. I have an idea, said Jodie. What if we added a step zero to the baby steps? We could call it putting out the fires. Before we save the basic emergency fund, we could throw every dollar toward catching up on the car payments. I think thats fantastic, I said. In fact, I think thats really smart. If you can take some quick steps toward increasing your gap between earning and spending, then you should be able to get caught up on the car within a few months if nothing goes awry. Then you can pursue the plan Ive laid out. Wally nodded. I think that makes sense, he said. Final Thoughts After three hours on the back deck, I sent Wally and Jodie home with a handful of money books. I could tell their minds were bubbling with new ideas. (Is gas for the car a Want or a Need? Wally texted me yesterday afternoon. I love it!) I know that Wally feels frustrated. He hates being over forty yet feeling like hes in the same place he was when he was twenty. I get it. But heres the thing: He has to adopt a beginners mind. Start where you are, I wrote in January. Dont fret about the past or how other people are doing. Wally needs to accept that his situation is what it is and work to improve from that point. Knowing what I know about these two, I really do believe theyre capable of starting where they are starting with less than zero and destroying their debt in a relatively short period of time. It took me 37 months to get out of debt. (I started on 21 October 2004 and finished on 03 December 2007. Thats a total of 1139 days to pay off $35,196 in debt.) Progress was slow at first, but accelerated rapidly toward the end of that period. Wally and Jodie have exactly the same amount of debt as I did when I decided to become CFO of my own life. My challenge for them is this: Get out of debt quicker than I did. Do it in less than 1139 days. If we count yesterday as Day One, then 29 September 2021 would be day 1138. Wally and Jodie, my hope for you is that together you can be debt free by that date or sooner. What advice do you have for Wally and Jodie? What can they do to improve their financial situation? Did you start your financial journey with less than zero? Have you ever fallen behind on payments? If so, how did you handle it? How did you caught up? https://www.getrichslowly.org/less-than-zero/

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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Case study: Starting with less than zero

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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Case study: Starting with less than zero

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