#but it just feels a little pointless y'know?

[galaxythreads]

Unpopular opinion time: I think Loki's arc in the movies was excellent and we didn't need to drag him back from the dead to give him a series that ends with him completing exactly the same arc. Again.

[amidnightqueery]

I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless

[kassiekole22]

Joy Ride

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

Pairing: Brian O'Conner X Fem!Reader

Description: Brian finds you walking home late one night and offers you a ride, which turns into a night-long joy ride around Miami.

Warnings: Fluff, Speeding, Friends Or Future Lovers? (You Decide)

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: Sooooo, I watched 2 Fast 2 Furious for the first time a around a month ago and this guy has been on my mind ever since. I have always really loved Paul Walker so this was bound to happen eventually. 😂 I don't know if I plan to write more for him or if this will just be a one time thing, but I have been working on this fic for quite some time now and I'm happy to finally be posting it. More to come from other beloved characters soon! Enjoy the fic and if you want more Brian O'Conner fics in the future, let me know in the comments or inbox! 🖤 (Also did any of you get the reference in the name? 👀)

Main MasterList: 🖤

Kassie's Angels: @mornandil, @lorebite.

(If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

2002

The air is pretty cool for a night in Miami, but I don't mind. I walk with my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, protecting them from the slight chill. It's nothing too intense, but I haven't been used to being in cooler temperatures for awhile now.

I walk quickly down the sidewalk as a few cars pass from time to time. The sounds of their engines make my fingers and feet tingle a little, my body missing the feeling of the steering wheel gripped in my fingers and the gas pedal under my foot.

I wrecked pretty badly during my last race, resulting in my car becoming too banged up to drive. Most street racers have other cars to fall back on. Unfortunately for me, my girl was all I had. Now I'm left to walk on foot until I can get enough money to fix her.

The ambiance in the street is pretty calm until I hear the familiar rumble of a very specific engine approaching my side. To my surprise, that iconic silver and blue Nissan Skyline pulls up, slowing down to drive at my walking speed. But the slick paint job or glowing underbody isn't what makes it difficult to look away. The driver is none other than the man who beat me in my last race, Brian O'Conner.

I'm met with a kind smile as he rolls down his windows, his bright blue eyes glancing up at me from the shadows of the interior. There is just something about that man that draws me in. I could never tell what exactly it was, but it pulled me in his direction like a bee to a flower every time I was in the same location as him.

"Ey, need a ride?" He queries in a rasied voice, nearly shouting over the Skyline's growl.

Though it's tempting, I don't want to throw a wrench in any plans he may have. Knowing him, he has another street race or date to get to at this hour. So, despite the aching pain in my feet that is screaming in protest, I respond casually, "Nah, man. I'm good. Home's not too far away anyway, y'know?"

Even though it wouldn't take him too long, it would be pretty pointless to drive only a couple blocks anyway. He takes a mere second to let my words sink in and find an answer, his eyes hopeful as they are taken off the road and landing on me once more.

"We don't gotta take you home. The night's still—" He checks his watch, and his eyes widen slightly as he realizes the time. "—Well, middle-aged, but that don't gotta stop the fun."

I can't contain a faint chuckle at his dumb joke, rolling my eyes as I do so. The next thing I know, my feet are subconsciously coming to a stop, and he gently lays on the brakes. His car is also stopping right beside where I now stand, but the engine still purrs softly to alert all of its consciousness.

"Ah, c'mon, girl. Let's live a little, eh?" He flashes me that dangerous half-smirk that beckons me forward into mischief. It now dawns on me that he might not have the intention of taking me home, which is intriguing in a way.

I contemplate my options for a moment. The only thing waiting for me at home is a couple bottles of beer and some cold pizza left in the fridge from the night prior. It seems like I've been spending most of my time alone lately. Maybe it would be good to spend some time in good company.

"Alright," I give in with a subtle but still noticeable sigh, backing down in my mental debate.

He reaches across and opens the passenger door for me as I round the car, its headlights illuminating me for a brief moment as I cross in front of the bumper before hoping into the seat offered to me. It felt weird being in the left seat and not having a steering wheel before me. I could never get used to those foreign imported cars. 

But regardless, it sure is a beauty. The leather interior smells oddly fresh and calming, with a faint hint of exhaust filtering through the open windows. It's clear he just cleaned her up. Brian was always the type to take care of his rides.

I pull the seatbelt across my chest and lock it in securely, mentally preparing myself for the wild ride I know damn well he is about to take me on. He looks at me and flashes me that cocky yet proud smile as he revvs the engine for only a moment before taking off into the night.

With windows down and speed carrying us, I feel like I'm floating on air. The soft breeze I felt only moments ago is now a fast wind in my hair, and the soft ambiance of the nightlife in Miami is now disturbed by a machine growl.

I glance over at him, and it's as if time slows for just a minute as I take in how happy he is. He's a simple man. He doesn't need the fancy things in life, just a fast car to make the corners of his lips part into that iconic grin I have grown to love.

"Wanna get fuckin' nuts?" He asks me, his voice taking me out of my thoughts and putting me back into reality. That's when I notice that mischievous look in his ocean blue eyes, their pupils blown wide with adrenaline.

Hm... Blue and full of adrenaline, like the blood pumping in our veins.

"What?" I blurt out, not fully comprehending what he is asking, until my gaze wanders down to where his thumbs hovers over the nitro buttons.

I look at the road ahead, seeing that it is completely barren of all life, and I can't help but smirk at the thought of what he is suggesting. It's a dangerous game—playing with speed in such a way—but a thrilling one, for sure.

Taking my eyes off the road ahead to look back at him, I notice the hopeful glint once again in his eyes, only pushing my thought process toward wanting to comply. So without a second breath, I cheer, "Fuck yeah!"

With a simple click of two buttons at once, we are off like a rocket in space. Suddenly, the street lights look like comets, and the lines on the road are just blurs of colors. It's oddly beautiful in a way, and I marvel at how it ignites my soul with such a unique feeling, which I can't possibly seek from anything else. My fingers dig into the sides of my seat as my heart pounds against my ribcage like thunder, both overwhelmed but thirsty for more of this intoxicating rush.

Though Brian only lets this last for a moment, just seconds passed that will remain with me for an eternity. We laugh as the car slows to a semi-normal speed again. My smile is so wide, I can feel my face begin to hurt.

But I don't care. I am just so high on the thrill that my mind is lost in a cloudy space of euphoria. It's crazy how the night went from a quiet walk home to taking a joy ride with one of my rivals, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Once our laughter dies down, the soft purr of the engine is the only thing heard yet again as we both seemingly get lost in our own thoughts. What is he thinking? I wish I knew. The only thing on my mind is how happy I am. It isn't until a couple minutes later that he speaks his mind, taking a deep breath before his lips finally form the words he has been pondering.

"We should do this more often," he suggests in that nonchalant tone he carries quite regularly for someone with such excitement in his life. "Y'know, hang out outside the racing world? You're a cool girl."

I can't repress how my smile softens for a moment at his words as my eyes flick over in his direction while a million responses filter through my mind. This guy is a legend—a local celebrity, if you will. To have this opportunity is an honor. However, I don't necessarily get the vibe of entitlement from him. Instead, his atmosphere reflects something else—something friendly and inviting.

"And you're a cool guy. I'd love to hang with you more often." I reply, trying to sound chill but coming off way more sincere than intended. Though he doesn't seem to mind, in fact, he seems to be pleased with my response.

The next thing I know, he is pulling into a public beach. Its sands are abandoned by any human life due to the lateness of time, though the footprints of the visitors that day still remain like ghosts of the past, their memories carved in the sand until they get washed away by the waves.

He locks the car in park, unhooks his seatbelt, and gets out. I watch through the windshield as he rounds the side of it to rest back on the hood. My eyes study him as he lifts himself to sit on the hood, not once looking back to see if I leave the car as well. It's almost as if he expects me to.

So to fulfill his silent expectations, I swing my door open and hop out after freeing myself from my seatbelt, nearly stumbling as the ground is unexpectedly unsteady where I stand. My feet sink into the sand, and I'm grateful I chose to wear boots tonight over anything else.

Once out of my sticky situation, I take a moment to appreciate the freshness in the air—the sweet smell of the ocean before me for just a second. After approaching him, I rest beside him on the hood, watching the waves crash before us. It reminds me that life is quite like the sea. It's unpredictable, a little scary at times, but beautiful in many unique ways. I release a soft breath, my body relaxing in this calming moment.

"I remember the first time I saw you pull up in that black Trans Am to the race. Fuckin' engine and bass on your stereo roaring over the sound of the crowd." He chuckles while he reminisces about old memories.

"Buni," I correct him as I smile fondly, thinking about the beauty that's currently under a tarp in my garage, just waiting to be repaired and set free on the road once again.

"Yeah, Buni." He parrots me in an almost teasing way. I know he finds the fact that I named my car ridiculous, but I can see it in his eyes that it amuses him all the same. "You're something else, (L/N). A damn good racer, though."

My heart flutters at the compliment, and I feel my cheeks heat up with this familiar warmth that only he ignites in me best. The soft breeze blows through my hair as I think of a reply, running through my strains like an angel's fingertips. But it's not the breeze nor the location that has me in such a calm and joyful state.

I continue to study him—the way his blonde curls blow in the breeze, the corners of his lips turning up ever so slightly to show his contentment, his biceps flexing ever so slightly as he crosses his arms over his chest. It amazes me how all the different shades of blue in his iris reflect the scene before us. It's like I could literally drown in them each time I gaze into them to admire their beauty.

"Yeah? You and your Skyline ain't so bad either." I finally quip with a small bit of sarcasm dripping from my tone after forcing myself out of where my mind has disappeared to for a short time. He smiles softly at my words, because it's evident how I really feel about him. He knows, and I know that, but I don't really care anymore.

We talk until sunrise and watch as the black sky fades into orange and pink, blending with the stars to make them barely visible. Though they are out of sight, I know they still shine brightly above us, like angels waiting for us in heaven. It's quite special—maybe even magical.

The sea reflects the morning sun as it rises from the horizon, its golden rays shining upon us as we remain on the hood of the car. It's just us out here in our own little world. If I learned anything from last night, it's not the place that makes a moment special, but the person you share it with.

I don't know where this road will take us. I know it will be a long one—with plenty of traffic and bumps ahead—but the ride will be an enjoyable one with a new friend in the seat next to me as we speed through it all. And if we happen to get separated some point along the way, I know in my heart that I'll see him again.

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

[slutforguns]

the club spying on jerry and the girl (reader) hes hanging out with cuz i feel like jerry is the only one who could have a slightly normal relationship with a girl and the club would hate it

I wanna thank you for giving me an excuse to write for my favorite character 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Also yeah, your right. They'd fucking HATE it lol

Teen Jerry x fem!reader || Sneaking around

Josh let out an annoyed grunt as Pete was pushed against him in the tiny bush, while Bill stayed quiet, keeping his binoculars up and pointed at Jerry's window.

"Can you tell me why we're here, Bill?" Josh complained with a slightly bitter tone.

"Shut it, fatty. We're making sure Jerry doesn't die." Bill responded, sounding a little annoyed by the, in his eyes, pointless question.

"Die? To that chick?" Pete piped up, a little confused. "Ya kidding? She seems harmless."

But Bill just rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Jerry sat awkwardly on his couch, the movie he put on playing in the background as he tried to subtly glance over at you.

"S-So... You into Lord of The Rings?"

"Hm?" You hummed with confusion before realizing. "O-Oh! The movie? Yeah, it's good." You said awkwardly, looking away with a slightly embarrassed expression.

"Y-Yeah, I think so too..." He said with a nervous chuckle.

His knee bounced anxiously as he looked at the TV, his palms growing sweatier and sweatier by the minute.

A few minutes of awkward and tense silence passed over the two of you, before Jerry cleared his throat to get your attention.

"D-Do you want any snacks? I have popcorn?"

You nodded quietly, still not looking at him.

Bill scowled a little. "Jesus, what is he doing?" He asked himself under his breath.

"I dunno, can I go home now?" Pete asked with a bit so pleased tone as he played.

"No, Pete, we can't! If we do, we're gonna lose Jerry to some random pair of boobs!"

Pete just rolled his eyes. "God, fine.. fuck man." He mumbled under his breath as he sunk back down into the bushes.

Jerry came back with the popcorn, and awkwardly placed the bowl between the both of you.

You looked over at the bowl, then at Jerry, then at the TV screen.

As you reached for the bowl, Jerry did as well. (Ok it's cliche, but shut up.)

Jerry jumped a little at the contact and quickly pulled away.

You frowned a little at that. You let out a small sigh and stood up from the couch.

"Y'know, this was really sweet, but I-I should get going." You said sheepishly as you rubbed your forearm with your hand, shifting awkwardly where you stood.

Jerry frowned and reached out to grab your arm. "W-Wait! I-I just-..." He trailed off, not really sure what to say.

"Oh my God, what is he doing?" Bill mumbled under his breath as he continued stalking watching the two of you from a far.

Jerry looked up at you nervously. "You... You don't have to leave, I just-... Y'know, you, uh..." Crap. He has no idea what to say.

He let out a soft sigh and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "L-Look, I know I'm not.. the best option, but I-I really like you. And I wanna prove it besides watching some stupid movie with you." He said, looking away so he wouldn't die of embarrassment. He can't believe he just called The Lord of The Rings stupid!

You looked down at him, and smiled just a bit. You reached out and cupped his face, before pressing your lips gently against his.

Bill's jaw dropped. "NO FUCKING WAY!" He shouted with rage and annoyance.

Josh looked over at Bill, and Pete woke up from the nap he was taking and shot up.

"What, Bill? What'd you see?" Josh asked eagerly, trying to grab the binoculars to see what was going on.

When Josh finally got the binoculars, he pointed them at Jerry's window, and his jaw dropped. "No way..."

Pete rolled his eyes. "Oh c'mon," he said as he snatched the binoculars, "you guys are being- holy shit Jerry's kissing her!" Pete exclaimed with a bit of surprise.

Jerry sat there frozen, before you pulled away. He was already missing the feeling of your lips on his.

You looked down at him, and smiled. "There's and ice cream shop a few blocks away. You, uh... Wanna go there instead?" You asked with a slightly nervous chuckle.

Jerry nodded. "Be-de-be-de-be-de... I-I mean yeah! I think I have twenty bucks if you're up for it!"

"I'd love that, Jer."

[meanbossart]

Saw that ask about how DU drow smells and it brought to mind your old doodle of Astarion bathing him. If Astarion got the chance what sort of scents do you think he'd douse the Drow in to accentuate the more desirable aspects of that natural musk you mentioned? (Or, alternatively to cover up the dead stuff scent between bathing opportunities)

Ive recently been on a perfume kick and was instantly thinking of Alkemia's Yellow Book (tobacco, amber, leather, rum, chilis) but would he even be willing to humor Astarion on getting perfumed up once in a while? Or do you think he'd just end up with a headache from the smell if he tried?

This is a very cute idea. I don't think DU drow is particularly found of perfume in general, he likes... Y'know, people smells, as long as the people in question are his people. Being a predator of sorts himself I believe Astarion would appreciate the guy's natural scent, but I can definitely see him wanting to fluff up his man for a special occasion. DU drow would gladly humor him as soon as he got done kicking up the smallest of fusses justfor the principle of it.

It sounds like you know a lot more about perfume than I do (I just like whatever my partner wears/gives me) but that does sound pretty lovely to me, plus, it's really amusing to picture them getting stuck in a completely pointless argument about how something that has tobacco in it could possibly smell good, considering that DU drow hates the smell of smokes and doesn't understand how scents work, LOL.

Huh, and maybe throw a little vanilla in there? A little clove? I feel like he'd be really into clove.

[love-toxin]

✧˖° nasty sentence starters °˖✧

feel free to send one with a character(s) for me to write! (and reblog/share/use as you like also! <3)

fair warning: DDNE ahead.

Degrading

I - “Don't make me pull out.” 

II - “I want everyone to see you.” 

III - “Lick it, bitch.” 

IV - “Are you cumming again? Fucking scum–you cum when I say you can cum.” 

V - “I love how dumb you look right now.” 

VI - “Face the camera. Put on a big smile for me, yeah?” 

VII - “Go on, touch it. It's not gonna bite.” 

VIII - “I said, touch yourself. Don't give me that shy act right now.” 

IX - “Look at you, squirming around like that. Pathetic.” 

X - “No, you don't get to join me on the bed. Kneel on the floor.” 

XI - “To think, just a few minutes ago you refused to let me use this hole. Changed your mind quick, didn't you?” 

Submissive 

I - “D-Do I have to get on my knees?” 

II - “Can we do this in private? Please?”

III - “More!” 

IV - “Please don't stop.” 

V - “I'll be good, I promise.” 

VI - “Are you gonna use protection?” 

VII - “Me! I'm a good puppy! It's me!” 

VIII - “It's okay if you hurt me, I can take it.” 

IX - “I love it when you choke me.” 

X - “D-Did I make a mess on your face?” 

XI - "M-Meow.."

Breeding

I - “Gimme a baby, sweetheart.” 

II - “Ha! You're so getting knocked up.” 

III - “Gonna get you pregnant, you want that? I bet you do. It's written all over your face.”

IV - “Can I give you my babies? Pleeeeease?” 

V - “I know we just had one, but I really wanna breed you again.”

VI - “That's it, mama. Let's put another kid in this pretty belly.” 

VII - “Fuck, I love what pregnancy did to you. You're so fucking hot.” 

VIII - “Throw away your birth control. I'm going at it for real this time.” 

IX - “I could help you get your milk out, if you just asked.” 

X - “Breed me!” 

Noncon

I - “Stop fucking crying!” 

II - "Don't pretend like you didn't ask for this."

III - “I should've gagged you a long time ago. It suits you.” 

IV - “Ugh, get off me, you fucking perv!” 

V - “Spread your legs, or I'll use this knife to fuck you instead.” 

VI - “Just a little longer, I promise–I’m sorry baby, it'll be over soon, just a little more and I'll let you sleep.” 

VII - “Don't fight me, baby. Struggling is pointless.” 

VIII - “I'm keeping these for later.” 

IX - “Condom? Ha! That's funny.” 

X - “You're gonna be real popular online, cutie.” 

XI - “Are the drugs making you dizzy, sweetheart?” 

XII - “You're even noisier when you're asleep.”

Stuck

I - “Just a little bit–hey, not that much!” 

II - “Get in. We've only got a minute or two.” 

III - “Sure, I can make you cum quick. You know you can't resist me.” 

IV - “C'mooon, just give it a rub? I promise I'll be fast.” 

V - “I can't get off without your mouth. Just gimme a minute or two on your knees, and I can take care of it.” 

VI - “Just the tip?” 

VII - “Don't you dare make a mess!” 

VIII - “Just cause we're stuck here doesn't mean we have to-” 

IX - “Holy shit, are you stuck? I guess I'll just help myself then.” 

X - “You're pretty cocky for someone who can't get away.” 

Touching

I - “Can I touch myself?” 

II - “Are you getting off under my blanket?!” 

III - “S-Sorry, I didn't mean to walk in!” 

IV - “C'mon, we can rub one out together. It won't mean anything, I swear.” 

V - “Uh, did you need me to leave..?” 

VI - “It'd be easier to finish if you watched me, y'know…” 

VII - “Want me to teach you how?” 

VIII - “I bet I could make you squirt.” 

IX - “Aww, you need help getting it up?” 

X - “Gross! Quit touching yourself!” 

XI - “If you're so riled up, then hump your pillow. What? You heard me.” 

XII - “Go on, I got that toy for you! I wanna watch you use it.” 

Forbidden love

I - “Fuck, we really shouldn't be doing this here.” 

II - “Are you sure I'm not too old for you, sweetheart?” 

III - “I knew you'd fall for me eventually. Nobody could ever fuck you like I do.” 

IV - “Your ass is mine. I don't give a fuck what anyone else says.” 

V - “Who cares if they know? I hope they hear me pounding your guts every night.” 

VI - “I bet your boyfriend/girlfriend is real jealous right now.” 

VII - “Maybe I'll make your husband watch, just to show you I'm serious.” 

VIII - “C'mon, we're not even related! We can have a little fun if we want.” 

IX - “You always come crawling back. Don't say sorry, just get on my lap where you belong.” 

X - “A grade bump? Oh, don't play dumb. You know what you need to do if you want to pass.” 

XI - “Sometimes I think you fail your tests on purpose, just so you can fuck an A out of me.” 

Addiction

I - “I'm sorry! This is the last time, I promise. I just really need to get off.”

II - “If we don't bang in the next ten minutes, someone's gonna die.” 

III - “Jerking off to your pictures isn't that weird…”

IV - “Do you want money? I'll give you money. I'll give you anything, just, please let me taste you.” 

V - “Can't you just stay in bed with me today?” 

VI - “I'm not done yet–hold still.” 

VII - “What do you mean all my partners look like you? You're just seeing things.” 

VIII - “Okay, so I broke into your house and jacked off into your underwear, so what? It was only a couple times!” 

IX - “Is it bad that I dream about kidnapping you and fucking you in my basement?” 

X - “I trust you, but I still need to check so I know you're not cheating on me. Knees apart."  

XI - "It's a little late to hide--you already pissed on my lap."

Sweet

I - “Good morning, beautiful.” 

II - “Don't worry, I'll go slow, sweetheart.” 

III - “This always happens when we cuddle…not that I'm complaining, of course.”

IV - “Can I kiss you down here?” 

V - “You feel so nice. I could fall asleep like this.” 

VI - “Oh, I don't mind the blood, honey. Trust me, nothing will get in the way of me soothing your cramps.” 

VII - “Can I take your picture? You're so gorgeous, I want to remember this moment forever.” 

VIII - “Of course I can handle it! You won't suffocate me, I promise.” 

IX - “Whoops, uh…looks like I got a little too excited.” 

X - “Honestly, I feel like I need you even more now that we're married.” 

[hestzhyen]

Already Waist-Deep

Hi internet void. Please allow me to kagura my bachi all over the place for a little bit. I've got a bad case of the brain worms about these boys that I haven't even had together for 20 chapters yet, so let me ramble a little bit about why they're already so compelling as not only a duo, but a ship.

First off, a caveat. Kagurabachi is a Weekly Shounen Jump (WSJ) action series. That means that if romance is ever addressed in the series itself, the protagonist is going to end up with a girl. Doesn't matter how underdeveloped or lackluster his relationship to her is, or how flat she is as a character. Invest lightly and come along for the ride without any expectations of m/m ships becoming canon. (That said, it might not be the worst thing in the world for our MC to end up with a girl in this case- more on that later.)

Second, I don't really ship that often. Not seriously at least. I need more than two guys being close with each other to start wanting them to be a pair, y'know? So I hope you understand the intensity of the material Hokazono-sensei has been giving us the past few chapters. I am on the brink of going all-in on HakuHiro/ChihiHaku in less than 20 chapters, it's that insane.

Third, I will be talking about current developments without marking potential spoilers. There are only 38 chapters out as of writing this, but there are at least two reveals that would be better appreciated going in blind. Spoilers for the oneshot Farewell! Cherry Boy are also a thing near the end.

Okay? Okay. Let's begin.

Who's Involved? First up is our protagonist Chihiro Rokuhira, an 18 year old boy and the son of a famous swordsmith. He was raised with genuine love and care by his father (no idea what happened to his mom yet), taking care of their day-to-day life while learning his father's trade. And from the very first chapter he is steeped in tragedy as he witnesses his father's murder and life's work being stolen. He then sets out on the long, fraught road of vengeance.

Sounds grim and not exactly compelling, right? Especially when this scene from the first chapter was making the rounds being memed to death:

But there's much more to Chihiro than meets the eye. Flashbacks to his time growing up show him being a natural caretaker to his dad and their fish- cooking meals, keeping his dad on task, and so on. We see glimpses of underlying tenderness when he meets and rescues Char, a sweet little girl with her own tragic past. And we get some insight that he might not be quite as resolute as he's projecting himself to be when he faces off against Sojo, a fan of his father who worships a much different version of the man than Chihiro knew. And now the Rakuzaichi arc has definitively shown us that Chihiro isn't as collected as he seems. One of his father's killers easily cracks the mask and shows us Chihiro is really just a desperate kid with a heaping helping of trauma, then Tenri's pointless sacrifice shakes him to his core. But despite it all he's still doing determinator things in the most badass way possible. Chihiro has layers, man. A lot of them. And the best way to understand our protagonist right now is through his foil: Hakuri Sazanami.

Who is Hakuri? A 17 year old boy with a special lineage, but he's a loser who needs to be saved from common thugs. A pathetic guy who latches on to Chihiro and doesn't take the hint when Chihiro literally runs away to ditch him. An utter failure to his family. A lost puppy looking for a samurai.

Hakuri Sazanami is one of the best goddamn foils I've seen in shounen manga yet.

Let me tell you all the ways I love the writing around this kid and Chihiro because MAN I can't even contain all these feels.

What's Going On? From the start, Hakuri looks like he's just another person for Chihiro to bail out. He witnesses Chihiro's awesomeness fighting Sojo in the streets and decides to imitate it by standing up for a little girl being kidnapped. Instead of winning out, though, he's captured and kicked around. Once he's coincidentally rescued by Chihiro he's immediately all-in on tagging along and keeping Chihiro in his life. Look at this pitiful guy:

Chihiro decides to hear him out due to his connection to the Sazanamis, the Big Bads of the arc. He's initially put off by Hakuri's intensity but brings him along anyway, as Hakuri's insider information regarding the Sazanami family makes him useful. Then, as Chihiro wavers under Hiyuki's assault, Hakuri is truly useful for the first time:

And it only gets better from here. We see Hakuri hanging off Chihiro's every word trying to be as useful as possible for his samurai, striving to do anything he can, though it ends up with him forcing Chihiro to give up his precious sword Enten in exchange for his life. (Yes, Chihiro "buys" Hakuri from Hakuri's own family.)

Later on during the invasion of the auction is where things go into overdrive though. We see their character arcs start to invert and shape each other's as the action unfolds and Hakuri's own tragic past comes to light, eventually awakening him to his special abilities. Chihiro's bravery and strength help him pull this off and finally defeat the older brother that tortured him in the name of "love". Hakuri ascends to being the strongest Sazanami since the progenitor that started their line centuries ago. He's the Special Boy!

All this to say that Hakuri Sazanami isn't just a deuteragonist or a foil…

He's the goddamn heroine.

Kagurabachi's Built Different What makes a shounen series heroine? Firstly, they support the main character without getting involved in most of the heavy fighting. A shounen heroine will usually at most have a fight against another girl while the Big Event is happening nearby, making sure the main character has the spotlight. Second, most of the value they bring to the protagonist's story is emotional. They encourage him, validate him, provide a bit of a refuge for him to safely let his guard down. They can get him to express softer emotions that he wouldn't normally show around others. Third… they're the love interest. Hinata, Orihime, Chichi, and now… Hakuri? Really?

We know the third one will not happen for HakuHiro in canon. But what about the first two? Well, let's recap what Hakuri has done for Chihiro so far.

Hakuri can defend himself now, but his most useful ability is access to an interdimensional storehouse. Given the way that his magic works -he needs to prioritize maintaining the storehouse or using Isou- he'll likely be the means of keeping the enchanted blades safe rather than a front-line fighter. Support-centric character that will still get some combat time against lesser opponents: check.

Hakuri's given Chihiro some much-needed direct emotional validation that he hasn't gotten from anyone else yet. ("You saved me." … "That katana suits you.") Hakuri's words fortify his resolve and Chihiro later pays it back by trading Enten, an incalculably precious sword and memento of his father, for Hakuri's life. He even uses the same phrase when asked why he'd do that for someone as worthless as Hakuri ("That guy… saved me."). He later reaffirms that Hakuri's encouragement gave him the courage to let go of Enten in the first place:

This is AFTER we see Chihiro open up to him for the first time just minutes after they met:

Chihiro's been a stoic good guy with buried trauma up until this point. But somehow Hakuri is the first person he outright admits his fears to- not Shiba, not Hinao, but the freaky kid he just rescued. Emotional support pillar: check.

"Well that's not enough!" you say. "That's just taking some moments and doing that thing you said you didn't do- smushing boys together just because they're close!" OK but look at how Hakuri thinks about Chihiro:

Chihiro has been his inspiration from the first time he saw him. It can be read as admiration and hero worship, but doesn't that feel like selling Hakuri's feelings short when remembering how devoted he's been since they first met?

And just look at Hakuri's face here, he's beaming when Chihiro busts in to save him just like he believed he would:

Mostly, though, Chihiro is the one who gives Hakuri strength in the moment. The Ice Woman broke him free of his family's mentality, and now Chihiro gives Hakuri what he needs most: hope. Something he never had before, which doomed his relationship to the Ice Woman; he couldn't prove to her that there was more to life than despair because that was all he knew… but that completely changed once he met his samurai.

And that's been their thing through this arc. Each one is giving the other the vital thing they needed to grow and keep going. When Hakuri was struggling at the start, Chihiro was his guiding light towards a better future. And when Chihiro struggled in the aftermath of Tenri's cruel death, Hakuri pulled him along so they could finish the job. They're in perfect sync now as they take down the Rakuzaichi. Don't just take my word for it, check out Hokazono-sensei's color page for the most recent chapter (38): https://twitter.com/KaguraShiba/status/1804898273859445181 From Hella (KaguraShiba): >Kagurabachi Ch 38 JP Color Page 「阿吽の呼吸で薙ぎ払え」 "Two people dancing to the same beat, mowing down enemies" >阿吽の呼吸/"Aun no Kokyuu" Synchronized breathing >Or when people are the most in tune with each other >阿吽の呼吸/"Aun no Kokyuu" Is a Buddhist expression in Japanese meaning something close to "harmonizing in sync together" >"Aun" is also used to indicate an "Aun relationship", indicating an inherently harmonious relationship or nonverbal communication Yeesh. But holy shit it's paying off. In chapter 38 these boys are already in harmony- Hakuri registers Chihiro into his storehouse (yes they both "own" each other now) and sends him in to fight his father. During the fight, Chihiro trusts Hakuri to interpret his intent and it works. Chihiro wordlessly tags a bunch of grenades with his spirit energy and Hakuri pulls them out into the real world to bomb the shit out of the Rakuzaichi audience. They didn't plan this beforehand- they had no idea Kyoura had fucking grenades laying around in there. But they're close enough to understand each other's thoughts already. Peak soulmate material right there!

What's got me most interested now, though, is how they will pull/push each other after this arc. Chihiro's going to be focused more than ever on tracking down his father's killer and the swords. But Hakuri, well… I think it would be very interesting if he starts to become a despair monster. A reflection of Chihiro's state at the very start of the manga where nothing mattered to him except exacting revenge. We're seeing shades of this in the most recent chapter (38) where he's slumped over and obviously depressed about how all this is turning out. He's going to end his family's cruel trade but at what cost to himself? Will Chihiro see some of himself in Hakuri and be able to help him out, or at least promise to find relief from the pain together? Obviously a Bad End where Hakuri takes himself out is in the cards given Hokazono-sensei's previous works but… on a meta level, I think his storehouse ability will keep him relevant. I mean yeah he could be used to slap Chihiro across the face by showing what a bad end for his revenge story could look like but I think (hope) that won't happen. [Note to future self: I give you permission to go batshit insane if Chihiro stops Hakuri from committing sudoku.]

And this is where my brain worms are coming from. In just under 20 chapters we have an extremely strong set up between them- so much room for them to teach each other; push to grow and pull back from the brink when tragedy strikes again.

But where's the real meat, you ask? The actual literary analysis in this gushing rant about how much I love these boys I barely know? Well, fine. Buckle up because it's time for some…

Daddy Issues The Rakuzaichi arc really digs into comparing Chihiro's affection for his dad to the Sazanami family structure. And I gotta talk about this because it's the key aspect that makes Hakuri such a brilliant foil.

First off, the similarities. Chihiro and the Sazanami kids are all intensely devoted to their fathers. All of them were raised with love while learning the intricacies of their family trade. We see the Sazanami kids getting praised for doing well, just like Chihiro. Hakuri and Tenri were even told they were special. During the arc, the Sazanami kids put their lives on the line to defend their dad and family legacy with zeal matched by Chihiro's intensity to avenge his dad. When he falls, Tenri's final words are apologizing to his father.

It's truly heartbreaking that Kyora never really loved them back.

You see, the Sazanamis are one of those families that put their lineage and craft over everything else. Every member of the family lives for ensuring the Rakuzaichi auction goes off without a hitch. One of the clan is chosen to inherit the storehouse, and the rest are trained to defend it to the death. Kyoura, the current patriarch, has no compunctions about letting his son Tenri die just to delay Chihiro and the gang for a few more minutes. He had his kids put their lives on the line to defend a storehouse door that he had already broken in secret- making it completely useless. And he's equally cold when it comes to children who can't perform to standards like Hakuri. Once Hakuri (apparently) fails to manifest an ability for sorcery, Kyoura turns a willfully blind eye to the abuse his kid starts to suffer. He knowingly lets Hakuri be tortured by his older brother for years and does nothing, then disowns him once some "merchandise" kills herself in front of him. There's no love for children who can't be useful to the family's traditions. And yet any love that does exist between father and child is manipulated as seen here:

What the fuck man.

So Hakuri is going into this arc firm in his conviction to end his family's evil ways. He's been abused physically and emotionally for at least five years straight; he knows his father doesn't love him. But even now when he's about to bring the whole place down with Chihiro, he's still yearning for his dad's praise. Hakuri's family is fucked up bad and he needs a hell of a lot of healing after all is said and done.

Meanwhile, every flashback with Chihiro shows us that he was truly loved and cared for like every kid deserves. His dad wasn't perfect but he was exactly what a parent should be- kind, understanding, and supportive. His goofy advice helps Chihiro to this day. Chihiro and his dad had a genuine father-son bond that was broken by tragedy and thus Chihiro's desire to do right by his father's memory is driven by grief, first and foremost. So when we see his expression after Tenri's death, we know why he's so badly shaken. They clashed out of love and duty for their fathers, supposedly prepared to pay the ultimate price. The Sazanami version of "love" is a very different, much less wholesome version than the kind Chihiro knows… yet no less effective in terms of motivation.

You can practically hear his heart breaking for Tenri. And his inner thoughts in the next chapter say it all: he was naive to think he could enact revenge while holding fast to the kindness he grew up with. Chihiro's kindness that he learned from his father is a liability to him in this situation. In contrast, Hakuri knew from the start that he had to finally give up the last of his familial affection. He hardened his heart and steeled his resolve to do whatever it took.

Both Chihiro and Hakuri knew what it was like to be loved. Hakuri's version might have been twisted, but it was still painful to have that bond suddenly broken. And now we've seen Edgy Revenge Man's inner softness hold him back while Silly Soft Guy has a heart colder than the arctic. I go absolutely feral comparing and contrasting their situation and how their positions have reversed. Yeah, Chihiro's going to be the action guy who saves the day but Hakuri's the reason he can do it. Hakuri's surprisingly strong core has pushed Chihiro to put his feelings aside to get things done. I can't fucking wait to see how this arc ends and where these boys end up. What will the the most important thing Chihiro takes away from Hakuri here? I hope it leads him to be a bit more openly compassionate and soft around his allies- Hakuri's situation being a lesson in not letting your family's bonds overtake everything else. For Hakuri, well… I think being around Chihiro, Char, and the rest will help him heal. But I hope it's Chihiro that keeps him stable as the person that can relate to him best.

Meta Ramblings Whew. Now then… Yo dumbass writing this, we're not even 40 chapters in yet. Don't you think it's a bit too soon to start getting hyped for a character that could be shelved as soon as the arc is done?

It's interesting to see the themes and characters Hokazono-sensei's reused in Kagurabachi. From the four one-shots available to read, it seems like he's is interested in writing about characters encountering tragedy through various kinds of love. I think it's intriguing that three out of the four end in despair, and the one that doesn't still involves a fair bit of sadness. It's a bit early to say about Hakuri's circumstances since this is only the second proper arc in the series, but given Hokazono-sensei's past works, I think Hakuri is here to stay. For one, Hokazono-sensei seems to love his color-coded foils (Chain, Enten, Roku no Meiyaku). Farewell! Cherry Boy also explores the circumstances of a blindly loyal boy who feels useless being given his first chance to prove himself… I think this is a theme that Hokazono-sensei is revisiting in a more in-depth fashion with Hakuri, so there's a good chance there's more planned.

And just for fun, if we want to look at his romance stories… Madogiwa de Amu is all about one person being the other's greatest hope, their reason to persevere in the face of hardship and seeing that reciprocated in turn. Complete with the weaker person becoming strong enough to protect the person who inspired them first. Hmm. (Hopefully it doesn't end the same way though 'cause man, I can see Hakuri doing something similar right now…) It's also not impossible for Kagurabachi to touch on love given we see Farewell! Cherry Boy incorporating love as the crux of the narrative, despite starting as a gangster story. The true MC is quite like Chihiro as well in terms of motivation and action plan.

I also think it's impossible to overstate how important it is for Chihiro to have a friendly peer to compare to, narratively speaking. Char is a woobie, Shiba's an uncle figure, and Hiyuki is set up to be the aggro rival/frenemy. Hinao could become more than a side character but it seems unlikely at this time. Chihiro needs someone his own age to just be himself with. And that, I am 99% sure, will be Hakuri. A guy who's suffered just as much as he has. Someone who knows what it's like to have a famous last name and lineage to protect. An equal who's unquestionably on his side, who will lift him up when he's down, yet will still need some protection and care. So yes I think Hakuri will be sticking around to be Chihiro's foil. He might take a back seat at times as heroines do, but he'll still be there to support our sad boi through thick and thin.

Anyway that's why I'm ready to jump feet-first into this ship. It's got all the hallmarks of a wonderfully strong bond and I hope we get to see these boys comforting each other for years to come. If you read all this… thank you? Maybe get yourself checked for brain worms? And tell everyone you know to read this amazing action-packed tragedy laced with BL crack cocaine.

[sirrockem]

TADC RACEWAY AU - SETH ART DUMP

Raceway AU and Seth belong to @thescarletnargacuga / @theamazingdigitalraceway

MUSIC USED: Ricochet - Guilty Gear XX #Reload (Korean version)

MORE RENDERS UNDER THE CUT! CONTENT WARNING: Smoking

BONUS: Model turnaround and expression test:

Aaaaaand here it is! This took a lot longer to make than I would like to admit, but I think I'm at a point where I can consider this finished.

A massive shout out goes to Scarlet, the creator of this character and AU! Consider this a gift, for being such an awesome writer and person!

…Okay, I'm gonna go on a ramble now. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. I just have a few things I'd like to say:

-

So, I'm not a professional artist by any means, but you probably noticed that already. Actually, this is my first time making any kind of art in a very long time, but after getting into the TADC fandom and discovering such an amazing array of artists and writers, I felt compelled to give a little something back. Prove that I could create, not only consume, I guess.

There's a part of me that's pretty scared to post this. This fandom is full of creators with incredible, well-developed artistic skill… and then there's me, stumbling in with this polygonal mess. It's intimidating, y'know? I feel like a kid showing off his crayon drawings to his parents. I know it's ultimately pointless to compare myself to people with actual years of experience under their belts, but my brain still goes there regardless.

Well, it's not like too many people are gonna see this anyway, right? I'm just glad I was even able to finish this. That's not something I get to say very often. There were so many times where my brain was telling me that this was too hard, and that I should just give up. For once, I decided to say "No", and pushed on through anyway, despite my limited artistic abilities.

Oh, and Scarlet, if you're reading this… thank you so very much. Seriously, your work has given me so much joy and inspiration, and you're a really cool person to boot. I couldn't have done this if it wasn't for you!

Sorry if I'm being overly sappy, I just wanted to express my gratitude to you, and this whole community. I'm happy that I chose to be a part of it, even if it's just in a small way.

Alright, I think I've talked for long enough. I'm gonna shut up now.

[luneariaa]

my first time ever writing for higuruma, and i'm not too satisfied w/ this + higu seemed ooc as well, i'm sorry :") trying to practice writing him more in the future! 💜🌻

. dividers by @/cafekitsune !! 🌻

And one more maple leaf fell to the hard ground. You bend over to pick it up, and examine it more closely with a small smile upon your features.

Just a day left before the year changes. You stood there underneath the shady tree, as if you were contemplating with your pool of thoughts. You aren't ready to leave this year behind, yet you're just glad and grateful that you're able to experience this moment of time and place.

"Ah, the leaf looks rather nice." Higuruma breaks the brief silence between the both of you, not knowing what other words to say at the same time. "And it's almost time for a new year too."

You simply gave him a warm look and a nod, then returned your attention to the leaf that was still in your fingers.

Higuruma returned the look that you gave him as a sudden question occurs to him, which feels completely natural on its' own.

"Have you thought of any wishes for the upcoming year yet?" He feels curious all of a sudden; also wanting to try to initiate any conversation with you as possible.

"Mm nope!" You shook your head, "Not yet at least."

"How about you?"

Higuruma hums for a bit; now standing not too far from where you are, but still keeping a reasonable distance between you two. "Well, if I'm being honest, I haven't really given it much thought as well."

"But if I really had to pick one, it might be something like, trying to spend more time with the people that I actually care about."

He stops just about there, not knowing what to say next. But also leaving you some room for whatever you wanted to say.

"Ah, that's nice then!" You nodded with an understanding look, before sending him a smile once again.

"So like, does that mean you're going to find any potential partner for the upcoming year?"

He snorts a bit in a lighthearted manner, obviously didn't mind your question. "I guess I've been so focused on my work that I really haven't thought about having any relationship.."

"It's almost frightening how fast the years have gone by, and how little time that I actually had for myself."

"Working, solving cases, paperworks.. I sometimes find myself thinking about how nice it would be to have someone to come home to at the end of the day."

"And yet when the evening arrives, I'm usually already way too exhausted." He shrugs with signs of acceptance in his expression. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone."

"Don't say that-- it's not true." You shook your head with a small sigh, partly disagreeing with his words. "Although I would agree with you; it's really nice to have someone that's actually waiting for you at the end of the day."

He nodded, fixing his attention on the existing lake being displayed ahead of you two. Just by the mere thought causes him to feel the temporary loneliness lingering within him, but quickly tries to brush off his thoughts.

It's seemingly pointless to ponder on such stuff, especially right now.

"I do wish the same for you though."

Higuruma gives you a light chuckle before adding up to the previous statement, "And who knows; maybe it'll be a tall, handsome man of your dreams."

You grinned widely at his rather corny remark while shaking your head amusingly. "Hmm.." With your eyes narrowing slightly in a mischievous manner, you shift your gaze to him.

“I suppose you got a point."

He merely nodded while looking everywhere else but you. You wonder what's running through his mind right now.

"But to be frank, I did found the one. I just didn't know if she would return the same feelings as I do for her, y'know."

And as he tells you, a small smile appears on his face. He wasn't looking at you when you did, so you kept on staring with a rather curious look.

You try not to get your hopes up, and you gotta admit that your heart did sting when he said those words.

You just needed a direct confirmation in a way, that is if he wanted to do so. You can't even tell what your own mind is blabbering about right now.

"I never knew when the moment would be right, even though I've been friends with her for quite some time now."

"But then again, who would love someone as busy as me?" It came off as more of a realization himself if anything. And even though the said person didn't have the same feelings as he did-- he'll be fine with it, and he won't stop loving her no matter what.

It took a while, but you eventually came out with a reply. "You're wrong," and this made him turn his gaze back to yours once more.

"How about this--" you began to suggest an idea to him, "--why don't you just try to go for it? It's better to confess as soon as you can than never."

God, you didn't even know why you would say anything as such if it only leads to your impending mental destruction, yet you still did it anyway.

But as long as he's happy; then you're happy for him as well. It's just how it works.

“You really think I should?"

His dark-coloured eyes focused on you alone, as if to try to let your words sink into his mind. The attorney let the idea weigh down a bit. "Won't that be too sudden?"

"I mean, if you really have feelings for her, then I guess you should." You encouragingly nod at him, trying not to act nosy on who he's actually referring to. It could hurt you more when you know that someone, especially when it's not you.

And of course, your words made him rethink the possible decision that he might finally make after all this time; trying to get into his own finalised conclusion.

“I guess I'll have to try."

"Do wish me luck then."

"Good luck!" You beamed at him-- or at least, tried to, and thought he would leave elsewhere afterward. But no, he remained in his previous spot as he seemed to be contemplating something more.

"You know, the woman I liked-- she's just amazing." Higuruma smiles to himself, much to your slight confusion as to why he would tell you such a thing. Not that you minded much, you suppose.

"Compassionate, honest, beautiful. I can just go on for hours talking about her."

When he realises your answers become way less and not even bother to look at him in the eye, he pushes himself to ask you something further.

"I'm curious though."

"Out of everything that I told you so far, did anyone cross your mind at least?" You somehow missed the mischievous glint that was present within that moment, temporarily distracted by some people who passed by the other side of the lake.

"I don't know..?" You paused for a second, "Was it Sakiko?"

A random guess, but worth a shot. The attorney has his eyes widened slightly and unexpectedly, before his lips cracking more into an amused grin.

"Sakiko? No, not her." He tells you that with a voice full of confidence, and with your even more perplexed expression, along with eye contact helps him more.

"I was honestly talking about you the entire time."

Now, it's your turn to be baffled-- eyes widening slightly at his unexpected statement. "I-I'm sorry?"

This isn't what you're expecting at all, and suddenly you feel dumb for your own thoughts from before. Higuruma lets his stare linger upon your form for much longer; a smile still present.

"I know this might sound sudden--"

"-- But yes, I was actually referring to you." The attorney confirms all of your suspicions with ease. Higuruma has nothing much to fear, not anymore.

"Oh, well-- I didn't expect that actually." With the clear of your throat, you tried your best to keep your composure despite your flustered expression at the realisation slowly unravelling itself before you.

"I really thought you meant someone else.."

Higuruma chuckles once again, finding your current state rather endearing. If anything, he adores it.

Slowly, but surely, he takes a few steps closer to you, cupping your cheek tenderly with one of his hands. You stayed frozen at your spot, still trying to process the whole situation that's unfolding at the very moment.

"I'm merely being honest when I said all of those words."

"That's just like, a few of them. Because if I were to try to list every trait of yours that I genuinely adore--" He gazes into your eyes; a look that's filled with genuine warmth and a look that seems to be piercing straight into your soul, yet comfortingly so. "-- it would be endless."

Your face is just straight-up heating at this point, while your heart is beating wildly against your ribcage upon the proximity that you both shared. You would've melted if you could.

It's just so sweet. He's trying to take his time to properly confess to you.

"Do you have any idea how badly I've wanted to tell you those words?" His voice, barely a whisper, continued on with a soft caress on your cheek.

"But I was afraid back then."

"I didn't want to ruin anything-- our friendship, that we have built together."

“But you somehow gave me the strength to do so. I needed it so much."

Finally regaining your own composure and processing his words, you gazed at him still, with an affectionate look of your own. The way you smiled up at him-- God, he feels like he falls in love with you all over again.

"I'm actually glad that you did."

"So now, I don't have to hide my feelings for you too." And it oddly sounds easier admitting out those words right now; the words flowing out of your mouth ever so naturally as possible than before.

“Really?" He chuckled lightly, still holding onto you. "You've been waiting for me too?"

The leaves from the tree continued to fall toward you both, but none of you bothered to pay any attention to it-- and so did the passersby from afar.

With newfound enthusiasm, you nodded with a grin that’s now plastered on your features beautifully. The feeling of utter relief is so real for the both of you-- and the feeling just blooms even more when he wraps both of his strong arms around your form, and places his forehead against yours.

He looks extremely content, and it's such a pleasing sight to see because he's been so preoccupied with his work ( and thoughts of you ) as per usual these days so often.

But knowing that he won't have to spend the upcoming new year alone without a partner anymore-- with the woman he loves so dearly, it's all worth it in the end.

© 𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚜.

[finniestoncrane]

deeply personal and pointless whinge here but i need to get it out before therapy so i can verbalise my thoughts properly

very tired today, very sick of being autistic? i'm not officially diagnosed but i'm as fucking good as, and while it is nice to know there's a "reason" for why i am the way that i am, it doesn't change that i'm hindered in every way

it's fine to tell myself "ok just? focus on being normal and good and pick yourself up" but it's very hard

i'm so fed up of the ruminations, the rejection sensitivity, the socialising panic, the exhaustion, the body aches, the lack of will to do anything because it's so tiring and difficult

i'm done with reading into everything too far, i'm tire of struggling through everything, i'm so bored of being talked down to or feeling like i'm an idiot or feeling like i'm a child

i'm 31 next week and i don't feel like an adult. everyone else seems to have it down but i don't? everyone at work talks down to me and i wonder if they'd do that if i hadn't told them i was autistic? or would they just sense it in me? i'm not bad at my job, but i need guidance and structure and better environments, but i can't advocate for myself because i find it so difficult

and the comorbidities or whatever? now my therapist doesn't know if i actually have anxiety or whether it's undiagnosed adhd. i can't tell if i'm depressed or if it's autistic burnout. i just know i'm a little bit wonky

just very bored of being a subpar human being because i can't make my own brain do what i want it to do when everyone else seems to be able to (which i know is not the case but it just feels like that sometimes y'know?)

i'm also getting real fed up of my brain finding unfair things to focus on. i'm so uncomfortable at work but my coworker gets to only be in the office one day a week while i have to be in twice? and this same coworker keeps treating me like an idiot but she's provided me with no training. and she also is very hot and cold with me, which i find so so so so difficult. i just feel like a complete failure today and it's really difficult to pick things back up after the morning i've had

i just want to be comfortable. i'm so proud of myself as an autistic adult that i have managed to find a job and keep it and do acceptably in it, but it's hard. i'm proud that i push myself to be sociable even when i don't feel like it because i know people deserve the best me i can be. but my fucking GOD i am at my limits ;-;

[sorasan000]

I had to think about Suwon's decision in ch.256 for a little bit, but I'm ready. His decision to retreat has two sides: a logical one and a personal one.

The reason Suwon kept pushing forward despite the apparent disadvantages was because he analyzed the consequences of a retreat: 1) he doesn't have much time, 2) he had full faith that they could bring this threat under control even without him there, and 3) he can't leave this unfinished for his successor to figure out.

When Suwon is told about the news that the dragons are potentially dead, he approaches the consequences of that from a logical standpoint as well: the country has stood without them in the past, kings come and go, and castles can be rebuilt. By those accounts, this shouldn't have changed his mind, but it did.

The reason things have changed is because while he was talking through this and clearing his head (as much as he's able to anyway), he deemed Yona losing the dragons a bigger threat to Kouka's stability than retreating. For his current plan, he had given up any and all personal hang-ups on Yona ruling with the dragons by her side and just accepted that it was what it was. Y'know, if Il was right all along. Yona losing the dragons, however, means she's not sufficiently equipped for becoming the ruler now. Something has deviated from what he might have been told throughout the years by Il himself.

That's where the personal standpoint comes in.

When Suwon named Yona his successor, I got the feeling that it was something he decided only after concluding that everything he stood on when it came to his stance on the gods and Il's beliefs was pointless and in vain. Il was right. Yona was King Hiryuu incarnate, she was going to become the ruler of Kouka one day, the dragons would be by her side and the country would be in their hands. It was something he fought against for as long as he had known about it. In the end, he succumbed to it, though.

Until Zeno did what he did.

So we have a destabilized successor, and we have an unknown future that Suwon wants to see unfold before he dies.

[0daylighthours0]

Y'know what? Before Stranger Things s4 aired, it was pretty much labeled as the make it or break it season for Byler.

For up to three seasons, Byler was easily disregarded as a delusional ship. There was enough for it to make clear sense in people who really focused on it - but in terms of the rest of the audience, the attention on Mike and Will as a pairing just wasn't enough. Everyone acknowledged that if season 4 of Stranger Things needs to send fans signs that Byler won't be endgame, they'll do it that season.

I set myself up to be ready for any disappointment if that was the case. So the season aired. And y'know what I got?

I got Mike and Will spending the entire season together. I got confirmed feelings on Will's side. I got shade thrown at Milkvan as their every 'happy' scene together put focus on Will. Byler became, not a possible idea, but imposible to ignore.

When Volume 1 first aired my little brother got to it first, and when I asked him if it was Byler'esque (we'd had a bet) he reluctantly said, "sigh yeah...".

Years before I'd asked my father his thoughts on Mike and Will's relationship, he'd responded saying it was strictly platonic.

After season 4, he just treats it as canon.

"It's just obvious now, the show wants to set them up".

Guys. My father, a man who has a hard time excepting anything un-het in film, was completely convinced in their relationship after watching season 4.

Do you think this should have been the impression he got if they didn't want to bring light to this pairing? The impression any audiences should have gotten?

Byler is now WIDELY popular and recognizable, it's actually DEBATABLE if they'll get together over Milkvan.

I feel like longtime Bylers always saw them that way so they've noticed the change a bit less but, sitting down and actually thinking about it, that's crazy. We were the uncanon queer ship, now we're literally halfway canon are you kidding me? Should this have been the writing choice if they didn't want people disappointed in Mike and El's staying together? No! If Milkvan is endgame then they had an easy 'out card' to not disappointing Bylers. Un 👏 canon 👏 it 👏 in season 👏 4 👏. It would have been EASY. Give Will another set up interest, make it clear that Mike and El belong together. Bylers would have continued to be seen as delusional, and most audiences would have continued rooting for Milkvan. We all know that that isn't the case now. Now if Byler doesn't happen, I daresay the majority of the audience will be baffled. And Byler still continues to get milked! Interviews hyping them up, blooming signpost. It's hype that doesn't need to be there if it's all pointless.

Now, I actually lost a little bit of faith in Byler. It makes just so much sense, yet it almost makes too much sense in a way that it seems too good to be true. But this post is a thought that keeps me up at night. Forget queer bait, it'd be the worst writing decision possibly ever made if this stuff wasn't meant to canon them - literally soured Milkvan for watchers.

So did season 4 of Stranger Things 'make' or 'break' Byler? It efing made it man.

[zzthekaiju]

Geez...

Call this whining, but now that Wingard's out of the director's seat (here's hoping they either get Dougherty back in the saddle OR someone like Guillermo del Toro on the line), I've been noticing a LOT of people wanting the next Godzilla movie to basically be "Godzilla gets fed up with humanity and turns on us all". And I really don't want that for a number of reasons (reinforces the bias against reptiles, been done before a million times, personal bias, etc.), particularly one specific detail...

It renders Serizawa's sacrifice, and the overarching themes of coexistence in the Monsterverse, entirely pointless.

That heart-tugging scene of him putting the fate of the world and its number one guardian above his own, of him making one last connection with the beast that inspired him, that moment they lock eyes before he gives his life to save him...it all goes down the drain if the ultimate endgame of the Monsterverse is Godzilla becoming our greatest threat when the OH SO PERFECT AND SQUEAKY-CLEAN APE gets to be the hero all the time (don't get me wrong, I love this version of Kong, but it just feeds into the "mammal good, reptile bad" trope I despise so much). Everything Serizawa and Monarch stood for as a whole ends up being for nothing if that's how it all goes down. And really, we've now done the whole "Godzilla gets pissed at us because of the actions of a few" thing with the Mechagodzilla situation.

NOW, I'm not saying Godzilla needs to be totally spotless. Absolutely not. I'm fine with him being kind of a jerk at this point...but what if he changed? What if, instead of just keeping him that way...we saw him develop? Y'know? As a character? Which is what he very much is, and NOT some glorified plot device?

Listen, making our relationship with Godzilla the centerpiece of the conflict isn't a bad idea. Not at all, as a matter of fact. A good way around it could be that the new monster he has to defeat is Hedorah, or a monster very much like Hedorah (considering the involvement of Yoshimitsu Banno, it feels inevitable). A horror conceived by our hubris and lack of care for the Earth. And yeah, Godzilla would be really angry at us...but he could also be tired. Overwhelmed. Borderline depressed at his Sisyphean life of having to undo every mistake we make. Maybe the real conflict could be him trying to find something, anything that makes his job worth it and not him not feel completely out of place in a world that's changed so much in the centuries he's been dormant. Maybe Monarch and/or a new cast of humans could help show the Big G that we appreciate him. They already teased this with how he acts around the Roman Coliseum (the novel confirms that he's homesick, awww), so why not give him that sort of emotional arc like they did for Kong? Maybe even give him more than just one scene with him and Mothra together, and show why their relationship works so well, ESPECIALLY when Big G's having a crisis! A unique jerk-to-nice-guy plot! I don't know, something that doesn't begin and end with him doing nothing but destroy things. That was cool for a while, but we need to get out of this "Godzilla can't be relatable because reptile" bunk that I have no doubt the higher-ups think. Heck, give him that son that Wingard clearly wanted to give him. Maybe the twist is that Little G absolutely adores humans and convinces his old man that they aren't so bad. That would work amazing! The possibilities are endless!

That, or they could go with my pitch for a "Godzilla X Mothra" movie. Please...?

I'm kidding, Twitter user Riamus came up with a WAY better premise, to be honest.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Why was Isseya 'done dirty' in DAV?

Obligatory 'I'm not an asshole' disclaimer. Feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I was on media blackout while I played DAV. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Note. None of my writing on DA, but especially DAV, is edited. This is just my off the cuff writing. I don't have the time, energy, or heart to edit them properly.

Spoilers for Last Flight and the Gloom Stalker storyline.

CW on ableist language. I had to use it to be clear.

CW on strong language.

CW on tired writing tropes that hurt people.

This one is a little more personal. I've already been told to go touch grass because I have a problem with that game sequence. And dared to try to politely explain why a lot of people feel Isseya was done dirty in it. (By other mentally ill people because, y'know, back biting and infighting is exactly what we need to do to each other.) And someone defending that sequence hit me harder than I really thought it did. That's often the way with trauma.

I'm mentally ill. Not a surprise to many, I'm sure. I'm extremely mentally ill. (By which I mean I have several, and will be on life-long medication for them.) I'm an advocate for several things I live with, and mental illness is one of them.

But I'm doing my best to not slide into a pit of absolute depression, right now.

Just saw someone passionately defending the Gloom Stalker storyline.

It made me as physically nauseated as the actual storyline itself.

Look. You can like/love problematic material. Just understand it's problematic and maybe not defend it?

It's fine to just like trashy material, or poorly written, or whatever. But that doesn't mean you defend it!

You can even recommend it. (I usually choose not to, but it's a personal choice thing.) If you recommend it, just add the addendum that it's problematic and how! It’s truly simple.

Enjoyment is subjective. And what that means is that it's fine to like stuff. Even if it's not good, or it's problematic.

But I personally think it's kinda our responsibility as decent human beings to do our best not to harm people as well.

And defending the Isseya/Gloom stalker storyline in DAV is absolutely problematic and harmful. Even if you don't know why.

Other people might have different reasons for saying Isseya was done dirty in that sequence. But mine are for both story and ableism reasons.

I'll explain, in case you're not in the mood to read my play-by-play (long) review series about DAV.

Isseya is a Grey Warden character from the book Last Flight by Liane Merciel, released by TOR/Dark Horse books and set in the Dragon Age Franchise.

She's the sister of the Grey Warden, Garahel, who partnered with Crookytail. There's a statue of Crookytail in DAV. It was one of the very few emotional moments for me in that game (other than utter horror and rage at the shittiness). I teared up at seeing that statue. At least they honoured Crookytail.

Isseya is an elven mage who, over the course of the book, delves further into blood magic than she should. The wardens are losing the fight. Once she learned she could do it, and once the First Warden learned she could, she was ordered to blight all the living griffins. Griffins were/are semi-resistant to blight. This went so against the griffins instinct against darkspawn/blight that it utterly destroyed them. Isseya was heart broken, horrified, and very against it. But she, like other Grey Wardens, could see they were losing. She followed orders. Neglecting to blight a few of them. Hers, Crookytail. Maybe a few others, it's been a few since I read Last Flight. I've read it twice.

Garahel and Crookytail take down the arch demon of the fourth blight, Andoral. Sacrificing their lives to do it.

Isseya, grief stricken at several events in the book (death of close brother, death of Crookytail, being forced to blight the griffins, the blood magic hastening her own fall into blight and hurrying her calling along) goes to extreme lengths to save the last griffins. Hoping that, at some future point in time, Wardens will be worthy of griffins again. Because they'd proven themselves completely unworthy of them in the book by utterly destroying their species.

Isseya saves Crookytail's last fathered clutch of eggs. (By Garahel's lover's griffin, Revas, if I recall correctly?) Those are the griffins in DAV. Assan is Crookytail's and Revas' son. (Really hope I'm not mixing up Garahel's lover's name with the griffin's name. I'm terrible with names to start with and it must have been 2 years since I read Last Flight. Hells, Revas mighta been Isseya's griffin. I didn't enjoy Last Flight that much. And I'm too fucking tired to look it up.)

Because of their shame in destroying the entire griffin species (because they intentionally don't know that Isseya saved that last clutch of eggs) the Wardens created the pile of unhonoured, unremembered bones that we see in DAV in the Cauldron.

It's not my favourite of the books, but it is beautifully written, tragic, but with a gleaming golden line of hope running through it. (It’s also why I would never choose to allow Wardens to have griffins again. Ever. They don't deserve them and they've already proven it to the almost extinction of their species.)

They didn't even have the decency to honour the griffins they destroyed who fell defeating the fourth blight. Which was actually all of them except those thirteen? eggs that Isseya saved. It's utterly disgusting. I believe the Cauldron is meant to be. If I recall correctly, that arch-demon skeleton is the same one Garahel and Crookytail died to defeat.

That's where whoever wrote that ableist travesty of a storyline went wrong. Up until then, the story made some sort of sense.

I can actually see Isseya stealing the griffins. If, out of fear, she'd watched the Wardens who found them, and finds that, no, maybe they don't deserve them, yeah, I could see her stealing them. She'd already done so much to save them, you see.

Story wise, it's just shitty writing to have her stab a blade into the bones of a 400 year old arch-demon skeleton and get liquid blood.

It's shitty writing to use such a harmful fucking trope, too.

She then, because 'she went mad from grief and guilt' because she's 'crazy' intends to blight the griffins she fought so hard to save?

Excuse me, now? Does that make any kind of sense to anyone?

Oh, but it's because she's mad! Crazy!

Y'all do know that both mad and crazy mean mentally ill, right? That they're innately ableist words that have been weaponized against mentally ill people for centuries, right?

If you didn't, you do now, please do better.

So let's break that down.

1. There is no Lore that indicates that the blight makes someone crazy/mad. Nor automatically into rage monsters. A being can become blighted in two ways. One is the regrettably written Broodmothers that BioWare has been trying to get away from forever. A being can also become a darkspawn by being blighted. Usually it kills, but in a small percentage of intellectual beings, it turns them into darkspawn, instead. But BioWare replaced the whole Broodmother concept with the 'anyone can be blighted into turning into a darkspawn.' Meaning it is Canon. That's what Wardens willingly do to themselves. They turn themselves into darkspawn. It just takes a while to set in.

Blight, in the Lore, basically makes the blighted hear 'the song' and only the song. That's what The Calling is. A Warden hearing the song and becoming a darkspawn. That's how it's always been depicted. Anyone 'losing their mind' (and please, just stop and think about how ableist that concept is, too? For a second? Please?) to the blight is just overwhelmed by the song requiring them to dig for arch-demons. (Unless there's an ascended arch-demon, but I'll get to that.) This is clearly laid out in the Lore and even, IIRC the book Last Flight itself. There are a few darkspawn who can resist what must be the worst case of tinnitus ever. There's The Architect, blighted, completely sane, not a rage ridden beast, and also diametrically opposed to anything the unblighted want. There've been stories of Hurlocks (blighted humans) working on behalf of the unblighted. The blight doesn't drive people mad/crazy in the Lore. At all. That excuse doesn't hold water.

Darkspawn don't turn into raging, bloodthirsty monsters until an arch-demon rises. Again, this is well established in the Lore. It's something about the arch-demon that makes them like chad-bros with bad attitudes, testosterone poisoning, and probably steroid abuse on top of it. Without an arch-demon (who we now know is bound to an incredibly pissed off Evanuris) they basically dig. Dig, and dig some more. Sometimes they raid for supplies. That's how it is in the Lore. And yes, I can actually prove it. Am I going to? With specific links and references (which i really could do) no. Not unless someone wants to pay me. I just don't care enough. I have, unfortunately, marinated myself in the Lore for years. It's been a long standing autistic special interest. I honestly wish, after playing DAV, that I could forget it all. Alas, it's not likely.

2. The basic premise of Isseya being 'mad/crazy from 400 years of 'guilt and grief' is ableist from the start. Saying that grief and guilt can drive people to mental illness isn't problematic, because it can. But saying that she's driven to violence and horrific actions because of it is just harmful. Saying that the blight automatically drives someone mad with rage/anger is also ableist. There isn't anything wrong with rage or anger. It can drive us to do awful things, but also good things like political advocacy. And in one of the supplementary pieces, it's established that darkspawn don't usually feel anything. They just... dig. They dig even while they're starving to death. Rage and anger? Yeah, those are emotions. And they also don't make you insane. Oh, but there are ascended arch-demons in DAV, therefore it must be fine to say Isseya is mad because the arch-demons being free alter the darkspawn into raging, bloodthirsty beasts. Right?

Except that's not what was clearly said to be the reason Isseya is supposedly mad/crazy. That was grief and guilt. Ableism is fun, no? /s

I'm not even sure if Elgar'nan's and Ghilan'nain's dragons really count as arch-demons despite the game calling them that. The rage of an arch-demon was likely that of the Evanuris it was bound to. Ghilly and Eggy are free, and upset, yes, but not rage stricken anymore. I'd think the 'arch-demons' in DAV to be just blighted dragons. But we all know how poorly they actually adherred to the Lore, anyway.

3. There isn't any mental illness I'm aware of that could make someone who sacrificed so much trying to save the last griffins because of her part in destroying them, want to then destroy them. It's like saying that mental illness can make people completely ignore sacred, bone deep beliefs enough to do the exact opposite of what they've committed to doing with everything in them. It's problematic, harmful, and ableist as fuck.

It's always the crazy/mad (mentally ill) villain. Always. I'm so nauseatingly sick of it. It's a tired, harmful trope that gets mentally ill people killed every single day.

Violence isn't a part of most mental illnesses, you know. It just isn't. The most mentally ill people usually want is basic respect and dignity, no problems refilling our meds, maybe tea, fluffy socks, and a good bit of entertainment to distract us.

The 'mad/crazy villain' trope robs us of basic dignity and respect. I'm so very, very tired of it. Whoever wrote and Whoever approved that sequence in DAV should absolutely be ashamed of themselves for it. It hurt and nauseated me to play it. It probably hurt and nauseated a lot of mentally ill gamers. And we're not a small percentage of gamers, in general.

And yes, it absolutely did Isseya dirty. In the shitty writing, (blood from bones, really? Really really? Marrow would be dried to dust or a rocky texture, and it's not impossible to stab through bone, but it's certainly unrealistic). The usage of a tired, harmful, ableist trope, too. In the claim that she'd been driven so mad she'd turned eeeeevvvvviiiillll by...checks notes... grief and guilt. Okay then. Yeah. That's perfectly fine. (That was the ripest of sarcasm. It is not fine. It gets people killed.) And it completely obliterated a beautiful, tragic story with a gleaming thread of hope into... that. Having to kill the person responsible for saving the griffins and sacrificing so much to do it... it's grotesque as well as harmful and ableist.

Can someone please explain to me, using small words, how that's not doing Isseya dirty?

Do you know that mentally ill people are responsible for 3% of violent crime? The rest is on all you neurotypicals. The whole 97%.

Yet it's always, because of ham handed, harmful narratives like the Gloom Stalker sequence in DAV, the mentally ill who are first blamed for anything violent. If they don't say it's autistic people. Because that's the other group that is always blamed, again, because of harmful narratives in fiction and misunderstanding by people who don't bother to learn better. Autistic people are almost hard wired to avoid hurting others. We're generally your classic white knight, tilting at windmills type. Everyone can be driven to violence. Humans are an innately violent species. So, while yes, we can be driven to it, it takes so much more to do it than it would for a neurotypical that it's ridiculous to automatically accuse either mentally ill or autistic people of violence.

Lucky me, I'm both.

Do you have any idea how much it hurts to be part of such an abused minority? Two of them? Do you have any clue how much narratives like that one are overused? What ham-handed, harmful, ableist claptrap they are?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find media to enjoy that doesn't hurt when you happen to be mentally ill?

If you do know, I'm so, so sorry. I get it. And I deeply wish none of us had to.

So that's why Isseya was 'done dirty'. Other people's why might be different, but I bet a lot of people's are similar to mine.

My work of words is my only income. I'm recovering from a pulmonary embolism and my husband is recovering from a broken back. Money is so tight it squeaks. If my writing does anything for you, please consider a tip or buying my books. You might actually like them.

And I will never, ever, use 'mentaI illness turned me eeeevvvviiiilll' in my work.

I'm better than that. Oh, what... I'm supposed to not make a moral judgement about work that hurts people and gets them killed? Fuck that.

Did that offend your precious feelings? Go touch some grass.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #414

My brain is doing its level best today to try to convince me that I am not lovable and that everything is pointless.

I can also tell, by a variety of other cues, that it's getting closer to the next time I'm supposed to bleed.

...I now know that these two thing are related. I don't need to allow hormone-induced feelings of apathy and worthlessness get the better of me. I can tend to myself properly in the here and now. I'll make sure to hydrate and eat properly.

I made a tea when I woke up – the biscuit-flavored one. I sweetened it with honey, molasses, and mascarpone. But I didn't think to get a picture. Sorry about that.

J wanted me to accompany him on the way to the little airport; he wanted to try flying his little plane on a very breezy day, and today was that day. He wasn't prepared to take me up with him, what with the breeze being like this, so I chilled out in the little office building and worked on my weird crafting project. At the same time, some new person from the friend-making app who lives in Russia decided to message me for reasons I don't understand.

The conversation was pleasant enough. Though, he asked some very specific questions about the structure and flow of my relationship with M and J, which I was not opposed to answering. Still, I guess I get surprised by the number of people who imagine that what I have going on is some kinky, freaky sex thing rather than a mostly ordinary marriage with an atypical number of people.

To be sure, our main focus within our relationship is on who we are as people, how well we treat each other, and how effectively we communicate. I am intimate with them, but... that's not really where the focus is. The focus is on spending time with each other and making sure we understand each other well. We're people, not toys for each other's entertainment.

...It's actually kinda frightening, the number of people who don't seem to understand that other people aren't just fun toys to play with or mere extension of their own will. It's frightening, the number of people who don't understand that a healthy relationship between people looks like “two or more loving, consenting adults doing their best to meet the needs of everyone involved”, not like “an adult putting up with the quirks of their live masturbatory aid(s) in order to get that fresh hot nookie.”

I am NO ONE'S convenience object. Not anyfuckingmore. And never, EVER again.

...And neither are you, you know. You're no one's weapon, tool, or machine. You are you. Start acting like it, okay? Or at least work on becoming someone who can act like it. And if you need help, pop by my house and we'll teach you. Because we don't treat people like objects in my house. We'll show you what it means to be treated like an ordinary human being. Because you are an ordinary human being, underneath all those layers of pain you carry.

That one immigration lawyer that we got help from sent along a request by some Canadian radio show place to talk to trans folks who are seeking to escape the United States in favor of Canada. I am a non-binary human – a woman in the same way that a tomato is a fruit. I am mostly happy with my current reproductive equipment, but... I feel like I'm “missing bits”, if you catch my drift. Essentially, I have only half of what I feel like I should be equipped with, and it bothers me sometimes.

I was emailed by this radio show place. And then I was called for a preliminary interview. I struggled to keep my thoughts organized over the phone, but... I guess I did a good enough job, according to the person who spoke to me. I guess I'll be summoned via an internet meeting software called Zoom at some point tomorrow. I guess lots of folks will hear me.

...This scares me. But... I gotta be brave and use my voice for good things whenever I can. I have to try to do... something. Anything.

...Y'know. Sephiroth. I really didn't wanna hafta live through “interesting times”. And I'm sure you didn't wanna hafta do that, either, over there in your world. Really, I just wanna eat tasty snacks and sing and make cool things and play video games and go swimming and take naps with the people I like. I'm sure you can relate to this – this desire for an ordinary, wholesome life.

...Let's both do our best within the timelines we live in anyways, though, okay? Let's try to do good things. Let's try to be kind, and let's try to make gentle, loving choices so that we can inspire others to do the same.

...And hey, who knows, maybe if... maybe if I eventually get scooped up into a prison camp and executed just for being myself... maybe somehow I'll get to go see you. And I'll say hello and tell you how you saved my life when I was a teenager and how much I love you just because you're you. And maybe I'll tell you all about the stories that happened to me before you came into my life, and everything that happened between then and now. And maybe... just maybe... one full human life, existing in stark defiance of all that tried to snuff it out, can be enough to show you that you are a good thing, and to inspire you to make choices in light of that belief.

In the meantime, I guess I'll figure out something to eat, and then I'll smash up some zombies in Hades. You can come chill with me if you want to:

I love you. Stay safe. Be good. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[mymarifae]

i talked about this on twitter but i really... don't understand the way people have been so - for lack of a better word - "bristly" about firefly being the trailblazer's romantic interest. i strongly suspect that this would not be a source of so much complaint if she had feelings for any other character in the cast, and that tells me that the fandom is seriously misunderstanding the nature of the trailblazer's character. they're not a player insert. they have feelings, thoughts, and a relationship to the world and other characters around them completely independent of the player. just because you have the option to name them at the beginning doesn't mean they aren't their own character, and that giving them a love interest is anything more than standard relationship development

obviously there are those who will never accept this and will thus make the whole thing weird but we can just let them be weird in their own little corners. and i knowww about the leaks for that... mmd thing hyv commissioned that's like, a gag video of firefly fighting other girls to win the trailblazer's affections or whatever it was, so that audience is being catered to a little bit, but did you really expect hoyoverse to pass up an opportunity to squeeze money out of every possible avenue...? (they do this fanservice shit all the time come on guys) Scratches Head. maybe it's just me, but i kind of don't caare about occasional promotional gag materials - so long as it doesn't bleed into the actual game and story and characters. which like, it hasn't. for the record.

i think it's fine for the writers to focus on firefly's relationship with the trailblazer even though it seems silly and mundane and trivial in light of all the things like... glamoth's cavalry, the genetic engineering and experimentation, the swarm, the mystery of the stellaron hunters, etc... in fact, i think it's fine ESPECIALLY because it seems silly and mundane and trivial. a major aspect of firefly's character is that she just wants to be a normal person. with normal, average, pointless-in-the-grand-scheme of things concerns. like having a crush on her new (?) friend. she is more than a weapon. she exists beyond the SAM suit. she wants a life that she chose for herself.

i seriously don't know what you guys are talking about because i actually think they've done a fine job of balancing the juxtapositions of her character. her past has its time and place, her budding philosophies and questions about herself have their time and place, and her (probable) feelings for the trailblazer have their time and place. again maybe if the concept of the trailblazer being a player insert held any water there would be more of a point to be had here. but they're not, sooooo there isn't

and y'know. i don't think we have the right to say that the progression of their relationship has been "rushed" given the trailblazer has an entire past life with the stellaron hunters that we don't know about yet. "rushed" - or maybe they're just picking things up from where they left off? and sometimes people just click together like that, so either way it felt fine for me. maybe I would have liked more time with firefly before the sleepie incident occurred so I get more emotional impact out of it, but my feelings =/= the trailblazer's. because they are not a player insert. they do not reflect my will 1:1. their attachment to firefly is solely their own. THEIR attachment to her is what ultimately invoked an emotional reaction out of me and sparked my own attachment to her, actually. it was their shock, horror, and GRIEF that got me

idk. maybe we need to spend less time thinking about ourselves and more time thinking about the trailblazer as an independent character. it might help this whole mess