#but it is SO hard at my “grown age” to get the courage to go out by myself TAT

[juniperskye]

Without You

Sneak Peek: Aaron and you have been dating for over a year now…the thing is, the BAU team has no idea. When Aaron does something reckless that could cost him his life, will you expose the relationship you have worked so hard to keep under wraps?

Aaron Hotchner x BAU Fem Reader

Angst/Fluff

Word count: 2371

Warnings: One use of y/n, age gap, mentions of anxiety/anxiety attack, some language, canon typical violence, mentions of death, explosion, BAU case details (similar to those of s7e23), severe emotional pain, mentions of Haley’s death, mention of Jack, secret relationship, JJ is still the media liaison (it just fit better for the plot) if I missed any – let me know!

Not edited - please be kind.

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

Aaron Hotchner had very quickly become your best friend. Your friendship had come so naturally, despite a pretty significant age gap. After two years of what could only be described as painfully obvious yearning from both parties, Aaron finally gained the courage to ask you to dinner. Even though it took two weeks before you could actually act on that invitation, the date had gone better than expected. Aaron had been a perfect gentleman; bringing you flowers, opening your door, holding your hand, paying for your meal, actually listening when you spoke.

That’s why it had been so easy to fall in love with him. Things with Aaron truly had been effortless, falling into a comfortable routine in which you would drive to his place after work, relieve the babysitter, get Jack started on homework while you got dinner going. Since meeting Jack, back before you’d even begun dating Aaron, you were one of his favorite people. You had spoiled Jack since you’d met the boy, he was just so sweet, and he’d reminded you of your nephews…it was easy to spend time with him. Aaron would come home to Jack helping set the table and you plating up the food. He’d wrap you up in an embrace and the three of you would sit and enjoy your meal while discussing how your days went (mostly Jack talking about school).

The one thing in your relationship that had not been effortless was keeping it a secret from your team. There had already been much speculation as to whether or not Aaron and you had feelings for one another amongst the agents. Dave was the one who pestered Aaron the most, constantly encouraging him to take a chance on love, that it wouldn’t always end like it had with Haley. In your case it had been Penelope, she and you had grown close over your time at the BAU, and she could see the tell-tale signs of a blossoming crush for your superior.

The two of you hadn’t initially planned to hide your relationship, but after many late-night conversations about it and a lengthy pros and cons list, you had determined, for the time being, keeping things quiet was the best option. That was nearly eleven months ago. You and Aaron had been together for about a year and a half, living together for four months…things had not been easy. You guys had to work hard to keep your feelings at bay on tough missions. There had been an instance of you getting stabbed by an unsub, thankfully the wound was superficial, and you were fine, but it had taken everything in Aaron not to run to you and take you into his arms. That was one of many hardships you had faced, but none of those would have prepared you for today.

A call had come in to the BAU at 9:53 am. The call rang to Aaron’s direct line, which meant it was a time sensitive case, usually a child abduction or in this case, a hostage situation. Aaron came out of his office swiftly, calling everyone’s attention without even speaking.

“There is a hostage situation at First Union bank. We’ve been called in by Virgina PD, who is already on the scene and SWAT is currently on their way as well. Everyone needs to gather their things and head to the garage” Aaron gave his orders, and everyone sprang into action.

As you all made your way to the government issued SUVs, Aaron continued briefing everyone and he gave out assignments.

“Alright Garcia and Reid, I want you two in the mobile command unit digging into our unsubs, we need to identify them. JJ, I need you to control the media with this, I don’t want any details getting out without my approval. Morgan and Prentiss go check in with SWAT and go over our plan. Y/N and Dave you will take point on the negotiations. Understood?” Aaron looked to everyone for confirmation.

There were collective nods, and everyone went to their separate posts to get started. You and Dave made your way over to one of the command center tents, discussing with the officers there that you would be in charge of the negotiations. They filled you in on what had happened thus far, and you worked to devise your initial approach. Dave and you had made contact with the unsubs, they were demanding a helicopter and one million dollars (a truly ridiculous request on their part). Approximately fifteen minutes later, Garcia and Reid rushed to where you, Dave and Aaron were standing.

“We have identified the unsubs! The two men are brothers, Michael and James Snyder. They are connected to at least eight other bank robberies around the northeastern United Staes. The woman, her name is Katiya Kuznetsov she is not connected to the robberies, but she is flagged under the FBI’s most wanted. She’s thought to be the mastermind behind dozens of explosions in North America from the last nine months.” Garcia explained. Aaron radioed to request the bomb squad.

“Why would she be working with these two? Robbing banks isn’t quite the same M.O. as blowing up buildings.” You questioned.

“We looked into it, and it seems that she may have connections to someone who owns a safety deposit box at this bank. We don’t know what is in it, but we were able to narrow down the list of potentials.” Reid answered.

“This changes things, we need to get in there and apprehend them. We need to get the civilians out. I think our best option would be for us to breach with SWAT and local PD.” Aaron explained.

“Hotch, that seems a little drastic don’t you think? If we just barge in there, who’s to say they don’t just start shooting the hostages. Dave and I were making progress and now that we know who they are, perhaps we can get them to break.” You could feel your anxiety eating away at you, the thought of Aaron barging in there terrified you.

“Sorry kid, but I’m with Aaron on this one. We were making some progress, but not enough and given this new information, I think it is safe to assume that there is probably a bomb in the bank somewhere, the sooner we get the hostages out, the better.” Rossi shut your idea down.

You could feel the bile rising up your throat. Your palms were starting to sweat and your pulse quickening. You knew what was about to happen, Aaron was going to give out assignments which meant he was diving headfirst into danger while he ensured your safety.

“Alright here’s what we will do, Morgan and I will go in the front, try to talk the unsubs down. Prentiss and Reid you will go through the back, with SWAT and the bomb squad try to locate the explosive and disable it. Garcia, I want you to keep eyes inside the bank the whole time, keep us posted of everything you see through comms. Dave and you can stay out here and monitor the phones, I want you to call in to distract them while we enter, I think it might buy us some leeway.” Aaron gave the assignments.

You gave Aaron a pointed look, one that expressed all of your nerves and anxiety. He looked back at you, it was stern as far as any onlooker could tell, but you could see the softness flash across his features. He was silently telling you that everything would be okay, and for a moment, you believed that it would be.

Time seemed to slow then. Everyone was moving, following orders hastily. But you, you were glued to your spot…Dave’s hand on your shoulder is what finally snapped you out of your thoughts.

“He’ll be okay kid.” Dave tried to soothe your nerves.

You called into the bank to try and steal the attention of the unsubs as Aaron had requested, all the while agents were moving through the bank. Suddenly Garcia’s voice rang over the comms.

“One of the unsubs slipped away. I’m assuming to get to the explosive. I am working to get the blueprints of the bank so we can figure out where it is set up.” Garcia rushed.

Gunshots echoed through the air, the comms were buzzing with shouts from Aaron, Morgan, Prentiss, Dave and some other voices you couldn’t pin down.

The fact that you could hear Aaron’s voice helped to calm your nerves as he clearly hadn’t been shot. His next words soothed your mind even more so.

“We have Michael and James in custody, Morgan is walking the hostages out now. I am going to go and assist the others in finding Katiya and the explosive.” Aaron called over the comms.

Dave could see you tense at Aaron’s words; he once again laid his hand on your shoulder in hopes to ease your mind. Morgan walked over to you and Dave after placing the unsubs in the police cars that were standing by.

What happened next brought your world crashing down.

The silence over the comms had been eerie. Everything paused and then it happened. The bank had exploded, right before your eyes. You had been far enough away that the blast hadn’t knocked you over, but it still left your ears ringing.

Had Morgan and Dave’s ears not already been ringing they definitely would have been after the scream that ripped through your body.

“NOO!!!!!” You screamed.

You couldn’t form a coherent thought; you sobbed and lurched your body forward in hopes of going to find Aaron. Before you could make it three steps, Morgan had his arms around your waist holding you back. He turned you around and held you while you pounded your fists against his chest.

“Sweetheart you can’t go in there. I know we have people in there and waiting for them to get out is going to feel like an eternity. But until we get any sort of confirmation, we need to try and stay positive.” Morgan explained.

Garcia and JJ joined you, Dave and Morgan, tears streaming down their faces, all of them silently hoping your team family would make it out unscathed.

You could feel it coming on, the more time had passed. Your breaths were shallow, body clammy, your vision was going blurry, you were having a hard time keeping yourself upright. Dave was the one to notice and lead you away from the group, he held your hands and was saying something about you needing to match his breathing.

“Dave I…I c-can’t. W-what if he doesn’t make it out? I w-would d-die without him Dave!” You hiccupped.

“He’s going to make it out. But remember that you are strong and no matter what happens you will make it through this.” Dave reminds you.

“No! Dave, you don’t understand without Aaron, sure, the rain would fall, the children would play, the tides would change but I-I would die.” You looked away from Dave momentarily “I die without you.” You whispered.

You saw heads start turning in the direction of the alleyway that was adjacent to what was once the bank, as you followed suit, the bile returned – easing its way up your throat.  A body bag, with no other signs of Aaron. Your mind jumped to the worst-case scenario and your legs finally gave out. Dave tried to catch you as you fell to the ground, another gut-wrenching sob ripping its way through you.

You didn’t register the loss of Dave’s arms around your shoulders, not until he moved to pull you up off the ground and turn you in the direction of the group of agents making their way towards you. You tried to protest, telling Dave that nothing mattered anymore, until he physically turned your chin towards them.

“Aaron?” It came out as an exhale, below a whisper.

“Aaron?” This time was a bit louder, gaining your voice back.

“Aaron!” A shout this time as you could see his eyes scanning the crowd for you.

His gaze snapped to you as you ran towards him, looking him over to ensure that he is unharmed before you launch yourself into his arms. He lifted you fully and allowed you to wrap your legs around his waist, he could feel your tears soaking the collar of his shirt. He gently shushed you assuring you that he was okay and that everyone was safe.

“T-the b-body bag, I-I thought it. I thought it was you, Aaron.”

“It was Katiya, she was trying to detonate it when we found her, we had just enough time to get to some sort of vault, but when it went off, the debris trapped us in. Honey, I am so sorry I scared you. I’m alright though, not even a scratch.” Aaron brushed his hand over the back of your head as you brought your feet back to the ground.

He looked into your eyes, he could tell that your brain was trying to process everything, all the emotions you had just been feeling, along with the relief you must be feeling now. He couldn’t help himself when he leaned in and kissed you. It was a kiss that said I was terrified of losing you but we’re safe and here together now. As he pulled away, you rested your foreheads against one another’s.

You knew that there would be tons of questions from the team but honestly in this moment you couldn’t care less because Aaron was safe and back in your arms. This moment that you were sharing allowed a few things to become clear for you and Aaron. You knew that he was the one for you, nobody else, and you were sure you wouldn’t survive losing him. He came to realize that it was time for him to pull that ring from the back of his sock drawer and finally ask you for forever, he thought that maybe it was time for him to step back and take that promotion Strauss had continuously offered. All he knew was that he couldn’t risk what you two had. Without you…he couldn’t even finish the thought because that wasn’t even an option.

[ayu-stuff]

Party attire

"Why are you crying, sweetie? You begged us soooo much to be allowed to come with me. And now that we're here, you can't even form a whole sentence because of the childish temper tantrum you're throwing. How come??? Why is my wittle baby girl saaaad???

You craved so badly to attend Mommy's Big Girls party, and here you are! And you're the biggest of them all, cutie pie! Believe me HAHAHA. Have you maybe forgotten what you've gone through just to come with me tonight?

You agreed to Daddy's idea of tucking you in for ni-ni time at fucking 7 PM every day like the dumb, whiny toddler you are. You gave up on this month's cummies day just to prove us you were mature enough to enjoy a Girls Night with me. You accepted losing the last shreds of privacy Daddy and I allowed you to keep, so now you're always to make your peepees and pushies in front of one of us, if we're not busy eating each other out ;).

Bath time is also to be supervised by one of us in exchange for the privilege to join me tonight. And what about last month's baby-food based diet??? After weeks of eating only mushy prunes, I'm not surprised you've begged Daddy so many times these days to let you clean me out after fucking me raw. You just needed those proteines, right? HAHAHA.

And now that you've gone through all this ―Fuck! I almost forgot two of your favorite rules HAHAHA: 1) no clothes allowed at home except your big poofy diapers and a stupid bib!! // 2) Of course, dumb smelly babies like you don't walk. They just crawl. Today is the first time you've been allowed to use your big girl legs since ages!!! I'm so proud of you, sweetie HAHAHA― as I was saying, now that you've gone through all this, you don't want to get out of the car???? For God's sake, little girl!!!

What??? Speak up, kiddo. I can't understand you through your cute little paci. No, you can't spit it out. You know I'll spank you right here if you do. You don't like the outfit I picked for you??????? And you have the courage to tell me now????? I think you look delightful tonight, darling. Delightfully dumb, if I may.

I only wanted to show my friends what a cute little daughter my husband and I have now!!! Of course, it was your husband, but you were too much of a wimp to stand up to me. What could I do?? You know how sexy he is. Or have you already forgotten??? HAHAHA

So it's more than natural that I've taken you out only in your Moomy's Moo-Moo onesie tonight! What would you need a sexy outfit for? Your only purpose tonight is to become the party's laughing stock, honey. You should have known. That's why I haven't changed your poopy, stinky diapie before going out: my friends have specifically requested to help me with the baby's diapy change. Don't you feel lucky they want to meet you that much??

In fact, I think I'll leave you only in your pampies once we've padded you up all fresh and clean. Hair all messy from your tantrum, blushy cheeks, chin and neck all drooly thanks to your paci, and hard nipples because of the cold, you'll be the cutest girl at the party!! I bet they'll even put some baby rhymes for you to dance along!!

What, honey?? No, of course you'll have to keep that, stupid little girl! That's the cutest garment of your whole outfit! And we worked so hard today to make it perfect! Besides, it even matches Mommy's grown-up attire. Doesn't it make me so fucking sexy to have my face half-covered?

So you'll keep it the whole night, sweetie. If I catch you without your last pair of panties on your head, I'll make sure that everyone at the party smacks your bottom at least twice. I know it stinks, kiddo! Daddy and I made you pee all over it!!

But it makes you delightfully dumb to wear your last shred of dignity on your cute little head. That way my girlfriends won't even notice you're not allowed to use any make-up anymore. They'll just see a stupid, poopy toddler in a childish onesie, with her face half-covered by the best possible proof that she's a baby. A stupid, clueless, pissy and messy baby.

Let's get out of the car, OK honey??? And no, I don't care you can't stop wailing!!! HAHAHA".

[maxdibert]

Was Severus smarter or more powerful than Sirius or James? We know he fought back but did he ever manage to back up his courage or did he do it simply out of pride and hate? We know he was powerful, I mean Voldemort taught him how to fly, but if Sirius never went to Azkaban could these two rival each other? I would love for Snape to actually be slightly more stronger or smarter than these two but canon doesn’t really prove that.

I think people sometimes forget that Sirius and James came from pure-blood families. That means they came from a magical lineage of generations, and from the moment they were born, they were surrounded by magic. They were raised in the wizarding world; their parents and relatives used magic all the time, their cultural references were purely magical, their environments were magical, and everything they knew revolved around magic. This already gave them an advantage over any classmate who didn’t come from the same background. What many had to learn from scratch, they probably already knew because they had seen it at home (basic spells, basic potions, basic charms, and even magical history).

It’s like if, for example, I wanted to dedicate myself to horseback riding but had never been around horses, and when I signed up, I had a classmate who not only had talent for riding but also had grown up on a horse farm and had been around them since birth. Logically, that person would have an advantage over me.

I think James and Sirius were talented and powerful wizards, but I also believe that, academically, they had an advantage over those who didn’t come from a magical family and/or cultural background. They must have already known many things that others didn’t, which is why, as mentioned in the books, in some subjects they barely had to try to pass or get good grades. For example, I came from a very intellectual family and read advanced philosophy books for my age because my parents instilled that in me. As a result, I excelled in those kinds of subjects without having to study or pay much attention in class. Did I have talent for it? Yes, but I also had a solid foundation on the topic that others didn’t.

I believe Severus was a genius, and I think this because there is genius in creating your own spells and especially in being able to take a textbook and literally correct and improve it as a teenager. I also think that his talent was probably on par with James and Sirius, but he likely lacked the foundational tools and therefore had to work harder than they did because he grew up in a Muggle environment, in a house ruled by a Muggle father. As much as he knew more about magic than Lily, for example, I highly doubt he knew more than Sirius, which would be illogical considering their backgrounds.

Perhaps as teenagers, they were ahead of him due to that same advantage, in the same way that I believe they were more talented in practical matters while he was better at theoretical and intellectual things.

Clearly, the 33-year-old Severus is more powerful than the post-Azkaban Sirius because Sirius has a significant setback from being locked up for so long. If they had been on equal footing, would they have been equals? It’s hard to say, honestly. I also think it depends a lot on their strengths and what they excelled at. I don’t see Sirius or James being better than him in Occlumency, Legilimency, or Potions, even if they had lived normal lives, but I also don’t see Severus being better than them in Transfiguration, for example.

In that sense, I think it also depends on their talents and interests as wizards and in what fields they developed. I do think he would have been a rival and that, in a one-on-one fight, it would have been pretty difficult to knock him out. I also believe that Severus had to hold back a lot at Hogwarts, mainly to avoid being expelled, but in a free fight and on equal footing, with no risk of going to Azkaban, would he have left them half-dead? He probably would have surprised more than one person.

[torturedpoetsdepartmentemployee]

I have an alternate universe Buggy that's been ratallng around in my head. A female Buggy that's like Taylor Swift, so she got into music and wants to be a singer. She spent most of her time on the Oro building up her guitar and piano skills. She stole the guitar from the musician(was aware but let it happen) and begged Roger to get a piano. She didn't inherently have the greatest vocals and got teased, specifically by Shanks. Dreams of being in front of a crowd cheering her on and singing her songs. Those dreams are what drive her. It goes hand in hand with canon Buggy’s inferiority complex and constantly seeking attention to be a star.

The reason I can imagine it is because Buggy would be the kind to right the most unhinged lyrics that TS is known for. Also a lot of her lyrics reflect Buggy.

Mirrorball - And they called off the circus Burned the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

Me! - I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh I know I never think before I jump And you're the kind of guy the ladies want (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there) I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

Karma - ‘Cause karma is my boyfriend Karma is a god Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend Karma's a relaxing thought Aren't you envious that for you it's not? Sweet like honey, karma is a cat Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me Flexing like a goddamn acrobat Me and karma vibe like that Ask me what I learned from all those years Ask me what I earned from all those tears Ask me why so many fade, but I'm still here (I'm still, I'm still here)

peace - Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly the summer, it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling ‘Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

long story short - Fatefully I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me Misery Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep And you passed right by I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides The knife cuts both ways If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

Never Grow Up - And no one's ever burned you Nothing's ever left you scarred And even though you want to Just try to never grow up

So here I am in my new apartment In a big city, they just dropped me off It's so much colder than I thought it would be So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on Wish I'd never grown up I wish I'd never grown up

Endgame - I hit you like, "Bang" We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

The whole of Dear Reader and most of Anti Hero. New Romantics just sounds like a pirate anthem. So definitely something Buggy would write.

Here are the albums that would be about different exes. The exes that had a lasting impact on her.

Red Hair Shanks - Debut, Fearless, and Red

Donquixate Doflamongo - Speak Now, a little of Fearless and Red.

Charlotte Katakuri - Speak Now

Sir Crocodile - 1989

Sakazuki/Akainu -folklore, evermore

Dracula Mihawk - reputation, Lover, folklore, evermore

Midnights is a mix of them. Also she falls back in love with Mihawk and Crocodile after they form the Cross Guild.

Her exes have a hard time forgetting her and its made even worse by their enemies using the songs about them to torment them. It also doesn't help that their subordinates and families listen to her songs too. I'm still figuring out the timeline. Akainu happens before Mihawk but she is so hurt by him that she wasn't able to write any songs about him until much later.

None of this is a commentary on Taylor Swift or her personal life. Just my interpretations and how they'd fit.



[ellzilla]

An extreme warning for everyone in the Creepypasta community, especially the Creeps Comic sub-community

This is a post 6 years too late, but I've finally gained the courage to speak up. Trigger Warning for: Pedophillia, child grooming, suicide and beastiality There are two manipulative pedophiles in the creepypasta community that go by the name Kori [Konpeito-Starfox on tumblr, korgifemboi on discord] and Michael [kitsuneaniki on discord] who have: Dated a minor, have been sexual in the presence of minors, exposed minors to hardcore pornography and have drawn pornography FOR minors. When I was 15 back in 2018, I was invited to a creepypasta discord after I was found because of my Old LJ ask blog. I remember Kori and Michael [Trixi at the time] were 21 and 24-25 and were 'tame' at first, but they slowly became more and more sexual as months went by. A few raunchy jokes turned into full on porn posting. They talked about sexual situations with Creeps characters with two 16 year olds and a 17 year old. I felt uncomfortable with it, but I couldn't get why. This next part may be worded poorly, as it's extremely emotionally hard on me to bring up the memories, but I'll try my best and will be the most coherent I can make it. As a dumbass 15 year old, I didn't get the difference between being gay and being sexual due to the homophobic town and family I've grown up around I had never been told otherwise, so I thought it was fine, that lgbt people in their 20's being highly sexual around and directly to lgbt teenagers was fine! Everyone was happy! And me bringing up the uncomfortableness was just me brining everyone down! But then Kori and Michael made porn for a 16 year old's oc having sex with their sonas. And something in me finally shouted "Something is wrong." I didn't know how to word it, but I approached my family [good!] and said "My friends are being a little too gay, what should I say?" [bad!!!] and so I was told "tell them to stop that." And so, in I said "can you stop being gay?" in an attempt to say "hey stop being sexual" [I know, I know, point and laugh at 15 year old me for being confused] and obviously got kicked out for that. There was shit said by them that made me want to commit suicide [thought I must stress they never directly told me to kms] And then got death and rape threats that MIGHT have been from them on my old LJ ask blog after that, but that's a side note. In the same year, the 16 year old who was given porn of their oc, [who I will refer to as Victim 1 and censored in black] started dating Kori and Michael. Note: Victim's 1's birthday is in October and this screenshot is from September

It is of note that Kori and Michael are extremely manipulative and hav convinced Victim 1, that it's better to lie to me and tried to say they were 17 when they started dating, despite me knowing their age and not correcting another [I will refer to as Victim 2 and censored in red] mentioned it in a conversation. There are two other victims who I will also censor the names of.

Below is a continuation of this conversation to show that Kori and Michael have convinced Victim 1 that them showing porn to minors is okay.

I also showed Victim 1 that what Kori and Michael did is VERY ILLEGAL, let alone immoral, but was brushed off. Granted, I should have showed him more but I was rushing to the hospital because of my heart issues and was not thinking straight due to the stress.

Michael has also been proven to quite literally speak for Victim 1 as well. [The sibling comment was because they thought Victim 2's [trans] sister was Victim 2 referring to me]

This is the end of the post, and I hope this is enough to show how much of a threat Kori and Michael are to minors, but I physically cannot show the mountain pile of trauma without putting myself in a medical emergency. There is far more receipts of Kori and Michael's emotional manipulation, but again, if this post went on for too much longer I could end up in the hospital because of them and I don't want it to be a fourth time. If you or someone you know are friends with Kori and Michael, please distance yourself from these pedophiles and show your friend this post. If I could, I would personally report them to the police, however they are in America and I am in Australia with no knowledge of how to report across-seas. If you can, please report them to the proper authorities, although I do not know if they can get into legal trouble for what they did to us years ago, it will stop any on-going child grooming. Please note, I will not be mentioning this or replying to anyone specifically IN MY INBOX until AFTER I recover from making this post. Do not send me anon messages if you're going to tell me something private, instead, message me. If you have a public issue with this post, say it with your chest and off anon. Before this hell is through, I have three more screenshots to share. One of Victim 2 being shown drawn Beastiality while they were still a minor [I have been informed Victim 2 was still 16], one of Kori [with a pfp of LJ having sex with Will in a server full of minors] mocking me while I was still 16 and against them being sexual [and mocking me for my LJ design and having a non-sexual lizard hyperfix], and a miscellaneous message of Michael admitting he likes dog genitalia and mocking me for not liking porn but being fine with gore. WHILE I WAS STILL A MINOR. I will put them under the cut as two of them are censored but still visual images of nsfw. IF YOU ARE A MINOR, DO NOT CONTINUE THE POST AND PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE.

Grown ass adults talking to and about children...

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Phantom Grin

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Bruce Wayne visits his son's grave on the night of his resurrection. Will it change Jason's fate, or is it all simply inevitable?

Chapters: 8/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd is Disabled, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Resurrected Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along

Chapter Eight: EMDR

Bruce found Jason in the cave with Tim, sparring. "Jason, you have an appointment with the—." Jason took a hit to the chest before knocking Tim off his feet. "Jason, you have—."

"I know... I'll be ready in ten," Jason interrupted. He didn't like going to therapy. Remembering was almost always upsetting, and talking about things was even worse. He knew it worked, but the process itself was exhausting. He rolled his shoulders back and patted the sweat from his brow. "Sorry, Tim... See you later?" Jason asked.

It'd been nearly six months since he'd met Tim, and they'd grown close. It was nice to talk to someone about average things like school and girls. When they both had free time, Jason would spend the night at Tim's house and watch movies.

Tim nodded, and they bumped fists. "If I don't get grounded before tomorrow night, yeah. I'll see you," Tim joked. Jason chuckled and waved as he went back upstairs to his room.

He showered and dressed for therapy, taking the time to look himself over in the mirror and dry his hair. His hair passed his shoulders, and he often pulled it into a long, low ponytail. He wasn't sure how he'd look if he cut it. He noticed bits of grey peeking out of the front of his hair, and he sighed. Sometimes his appearance seemed unreal, still, after all that time. Jason forced himself to smile before exiting his bathroom, and he ran into Cassandra. "W- what—?"

"Have a good day," she whispered. Cassandra knew how drained he felt after therapy. Most of the time, he'd lock himself in his room, and other times he'd come home feeling as if he were someone else. Jason stood still for a moment, wordlessly, before mustering up the courage to hug her. Cassandra didn't mind the hugs, but Jason worried that he burdened her with his feelings.

"Tell Barbara I said hi," Jason replied. He made his way down the stairs and met Bruce at the car. Bruce leaned against the hood with a smile on his face. "What?"

"If you want, you can get your license before your eighteenth—. What's that face?" Bruce asked after Jason started to frown.

"The 'e' word," Jason mumbled as he got in the car and turned his face towards the window.

"Right... You're going to be fine. Your childhood isn't over, you know? Cassie turned eighteen this year, and that meant nothing to her—."

"Yeah, but she was conscious during the whole aging process. I woke up taller, my hair's different, my voice, my life was completely missing, and on top of that, I'm gonna be eighteen soon," Jason complained, "It just—. It sucks, Dad."

"It does suck," Bruce whispered, and Jason smiled. "What?"

"I just wanted you to admit it," Jason grinned, "You don't have to be so positive all the time. It drives me nuts."

"Would you like me to tell you what sucks?" asked Bruce.

Jason laughed. "Yeah, go for it," he answered.

"Waiting rooms. Waiting rooms suck," Bruce replied, and they both laughed. "And the way people say, 'get well soon,' like you have a stomach bug or something."

"Oh, I hate that! 'Get well soon.' Fuck off," Jason blurted out. He gasped and covered his mouth. Bruce let out a giggle that built into a laugh so hard that he cried.

"Fuck off," Bruce repeated before taking a deep breath. "Oh, that's good... I feel like I can finally breathe with you."

Jason softened and looked at Bruce. "I'm glad. That's all I want from you. Loosen up, laugh, cry, curse... It helps," Jason whispered, "I'm not fragile. I swear." As they parked in the lot, they sat still for a moment. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Jason," Bruce whispered. It was the first time Jason ever said he loved Bruce. Jason led Bruce to the office, and they signed in and sat, staring at the fish tank on the wall.

"See the blue one? Iggy? That's the fifth Iggy they've had since I've been here," Jason whispered. Bruce held back a laugh. "Finding Nemo, the darkest timeline."

Bruce chuckled and nudged him. "Cut it out," Bruce smiled, "Jason, are you nervous?"

Jason shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Uh-huh... It's what I gotta do," Jason mumbled, "I only need like eight more sessions before I'm done, though." Jason shut his eyes and leaned his head back.

The doctor called Jason's name. They had a conversation about their stop signal and Jason's past history, and the doctor asked, "When you hold that image of Willis raising a hand to you, are there any negative beliefs you have about yourself? No feelings, just 'I am' or 'I am not...' statements."

Jason readjusted in the easy chair. "I'm a burden," Jason whispered.

"Is there a positive belief that you would like to have about yourself in the place of that? What would you like to believe about yourself?" she asked.

"That I'm wanted... Maybe even needed," Jason replied.

"Okay... Jason, if you were to hold that image of Willis in your head and say to yourself, 'I am wanted, maybe even needed,' how true would that feel on a scale of one-to-seven? One is completely false, and seven is true... What's your gut feeling?" she questioned.

"Uh... I don't know. Three maybe... Shit, I'm not-. One if we're being honest," Jason answered as he pulled a curl loose from his ponytail.

"That's alright, Jason... When you hold that image of Willis and say to yourself, 'I am a burden,' what do you feel right now?" she asked.

"I feel unsafe, edgy," Jason whispered as he bounced his legs.

"Where do you feel that in your body?" she questioned.

Jason took a deep breath and pulled himself together. "My stomach... And my shoulders... And in my head like I'm—. Like I feel dizzy," Jason whispered.

"Remember Jason, we can stop anytime that you want to," she whispered.

"No, I don't want to stop... I can handle it," Jason replied. He swallowed hard.

"How strong are those feelings on a scale of one to seven?" she questioned.

"I dunno, maybe a seven. I don't like to talk about him," Jason mumbled. He couldn't look her in the eye.

"I need you to take the edginess and the unsafe feeling of being a burden, and I'm going to ask you to carry that along with the image of Willis raising a hand to you," she whispered as she tested the speed of her hand movements as she waved them back and forth. "Can you follow my fingers? Or do you need—."

"No, it's fine," Jason whispered as he followed her fingers with his eyes. He thought about Willis raising a hand to hit him, and it felt as if he were there at that moment. She stopped suddenly, and he took a deep breath in.

"What came up for you?" she asked. Jason closed his eyes and let his hair down.

He took a moment to catch his breath. "Pins and needles. I feel like I'm there and I—. I need a minute. Can I get something to drink?" Jason asked. He hated feeling panicked, but he couldn't help it. She said it was a normal part of the process.

Somatic symptoms, that's what she called them. Jason wasn't really paying attention when she explained it, but he knew that's what he felt. He could recall how it felt because that's how he felt every time he focused too long on the thought. "You can take—." Jason got up before she could finish speaking, and he stepped out into the hallway to get a drink of water.

It took him several minutes to go back, and when he did, he sat for the rest of his hour going through the process. When he was done, he met Bruce in the waiting room. "You alright?" Bruce asked. Jason embraced him. "I've got you... You wanna go get curly fries?"

"Waffle fries... With chili," Jason mumbled into Bruce's shoulder. Bruce chuckled.

[ur-fav-inactive-writer]

𝐀 𝐒𝐡𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫 & 𝐀 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞

Pt: Two Three | Prince Phillip III x shy!reader | Request

(omd I hate the name but whatever)

WC: 1681

It was a pretty average day in Amber Beach. The sun was shining bright as usual and you and the rangers were hard at work in the café. You were stood in the kitchen, huffing as you tried with all your might to scrub a mark off of the counter. It was a busy day in the café, plenty of people sat at tables and waiting for food. Tyler came and stood next to you,

"Hey, (Y/N/N), can you take this to table 7 for me, please? Shelby's on break and all the other servers are busy."

You turned to him, nodding as you took the tray. Tyler was your closest friend. You'd known him for many years, him being the reason that you moved to Amber Beach. You hung out all the time, gave him advice about his massive crush on Shelby and acted like siblings. You and Tyler had known one another since you were just little kids, both your dads' being friends and going caving together. You both lost your fathers in the caving accident so many years back, and as devastating as it was, it bonded you and Tyler in ways you didn't even think were possible. Heck, if that hadn't happened, you don't think you and Tyler would've been friends. You were always shy and reserved, not being very good with new people. But once you were familiarised with Tyler, you became closer than ever. So when many years had passed and you had both grown up and Tyler packed up to go to Amber Beach in search of Sampson Cave, you happily accompanied him. That's how you ended up working at the café and being a ranger, and you wouldn't change a single thing.

You turned on your heel, taking the tray Tyler had provided you with to the corresponding table. You placed down all the plates to each person, serving them their drinks before turning and returning to the kitchen. Going over to the sink, you began to scrub the dishes before hearing a loud commotion. You heard the sound of many teenage girls shrieking and fawning over something. Confused at the fuss, you turned around. Your eyes widened as you saw the prince, your boyfriend, walking into the café. Your feet began moving without you even realising as you began to run to him. The security guards didn't even attempt to stop you, being very familiar with you. Flying into his arms, he held you tightly. It had been weeks since you'd seen him, he was busy with his royal duties and you were occupied with your job and being a ranger. That left very little time to be seeing your dear boyfriend. So, when you had finally seen him, you didn't hold back. You held him tighter than ever, your coworkers 'awwwing' from the kitchen. Phillip smiled as he held you.

"Miss me, my love?"

You remained silent but nodded vigorously. He was surprised how you had ran to him, considering how shy you were and how you didn't like to make a scene. You didn't let go for ages, only pulling back briefly to lean in for a kiss. Phillip was whipped, he adored you more than anything. He felt like a foolish schoolboy with a crush, he just loved you so so much. If it was possible to have a crush on someone while dating them, Phillip definitely did. He was there on ranger business, the two of you and the rest of the rangers going to the base.

~*~*~*~*~

You sat in the base, Kendall discussing something with most of the rangers. She was showing them their new dino chargers. She hadn't been through with you and Phillip yet, but she knew you'd want more time with Phillip, so she decided on going through it with you later on. You were cuddled up next to Phillip, his arm around you and your head on his shoulder. You were quietly conversing and enjoying the peace. He began getting quiet and looking troubled, as if he wanted to ask something but couldn't muster the courage. You looked into his eyes, silently telling him it was okay to ask whatever he was going to. He sighed softly and began to speak,

"(Y/N), would you like to accompany me back to Zandar? I could show you the country, it's truly gorgeous."

You smiled at him, desperately wanting to say yes. Your smile faltered slightly as you responded meekly.

"Phillip, of course I'd want to but I don't know if Kendall would let me have that much time off work and there's are the ranger duties and-"

Phillip cut you off with a small but passionate kiss, catching you off guard. Your eyes widened, feeling shy since you were kissing right in front of all your friends, but you quickly leant into the kiss. He broke away after a few moments.

"My love, I've already consulted Kendall, she has agreed to let you accompany me back to Zandar, so, will you?"

You nodded eagerly at this, excited to finally see the country that your boyfriend rules over. Tyler looked over, smiling at the fact you and Phillip were happy. He'd always be happy for you.

~*~*~*~*~

A week later and it was time for you and Phillip to leave for Zandar. You had packed a bag and bid goodbye to all your friends and were now in the car on the way to the private jet that would take you back to Zandar. Your head was rested on Phillips shoulder, his arm once again wrapped around you with him occasionally leaning down to kiss your forehead.

~*~*~*~*~

You had finally landed in Zandar and the maids had taken all your bags for you and taken them to the room dedicated to you in the palace. You'd never even been there before and there was already a huge room for you! You were sure it was Phillip who had persuaded them to set the whole thing up. You smiled softly at the thought, thanking the maids who had brought your bags up for you. Phillip persuaded you to go shower and change before you went on your tour around Zandar. You happily complied, wanting to make use of the huge bathroom and fancy products waiting for you in your room. You dried off from the shower and before you could even fully dry yourself, maids came into the room. They held out many outfits in front of you, asking if you'd like any of the options. You felt overwhelmed by the amount of strangers in the room and by the amount of options. You looked around yourself, feeling surrounded and on the verge of panicking. The door opened and in came Phillip, ushering the maids out of the room and telling them to attend to other business. As they all left, Phillip approached you. He placed his hands on your cheeks, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Its okay, my love, they're all gone now and you can have some peace," he softly kissed your forehead before finishing "I'll be waiting in my room across the hall, just come in once you're finished changing"

You nodded, appreciating the gesture and smiling at him softly. He left the room, allowing you to choose which clothes you wanted to wear that day. You settled on an oversized jumper and a plaid skirt with tights, perfect for the autumn weather. You loosely braided your hair and put some shoes on before approaching Phillip's room. You knocked softly on the door and he opened it within moments. He stood in the doorway, admiring your beauty. He fell silent, just focused on how pretty you looked. He snapped out of it and took your hand, guiding you out of the palace to begin the tour of Zandar.

~*~*~*~*~

You roamed the gorgeous streets of Zandar, holding onto Phillip's arm whilst admiring the country. Each street you passed through, he gave you detailed accounts of the stories that had taken place there. Hearing him speak so passionately about his country made your heart melt. You looked up at him, smiling contently. Camera flashes snapped you out of the moment, making you jump. Desperately looking around for the source of the flash, you spotted paparazzi coming round a corner. You stared at them flustered, your grip on Phillip's arm tightening in panic. He looked to you with concern, noticing how worried you were about the paparazzi. Your shyness made you prone to panicking in situations like this.

Instinctively, Phillip pulled you into his side, allowing you to conceal your face from the cameras. Reporters also appeared and began making their way to the two of you. You began to shake from nervousness, holding onto Phillip tighter than before. He kept an arm around you, and began to speak to the reporters. Politely, he requested that they leave and allow the two of you to have some privacy. They kept asking questions, much to your dismay. His grip around you tightened and he sternly told the reporters that they must leave and that they were making you uncomfortable. Not wanting to upset the Prince, they complied and eventually left. Phillip took you to a concealed corner in a street, allowing you to come out of hiding. He kissed you softly, reassuring you that everything was okay now.

~*~*~*~*~

You woke up in the morning groggily. Turning over sleepily in the huge bed and reaching for your phone. The light practically blinded you as you squinted at it. There was a message from Shelby with a link attached to it. Upon opening it, you saw the message reading 'You've gotta see this!!! You are like the top news story in Zandar!!!' Confused, you opened the link. Your eyes widening upon seeing the headline and photo attached. The headline read 'THE PRINCE'S GIRLFRIEND REVEALED TO PUBLIC EYE' and attached was a photo of the two of you sharing a kiss in that secluded corner. You blushed upon seeing the photo. It was the number 1 news story and the people loved you.

You smiled at your phone before turning it back off and rolling back over, contently drifting back into sleep.

(A/N) I loved writing this!!! hope you guys enjoy reading it!!!

[yxamix]

Introspection

Chapter 0 : Prologue

When do you know it's going too far?

TW : Implied/references of drug use, heavy read, explicit language used

Based in a Modern/Realistic AU, depression/mental health focused storyline.

"Hey Jellal, we were thinking about hitting up that new club that opened up downtown, wanted to ask if you'd come along agai-"

He sighed.

Delete

"Yo bro! There's a sick rave we've all been invited to an-"

He swiped.

Delete

"You know we got some more of that shit and was thinking if you'd-"

He paused to take a pull.

Delete

His vision hazed as he watched the numbers of his inbox. They had accumulated again, just like before. And just like before, the numbers had grown higher.

They always were when he finally got the courage to face them.

How long had it been this time that he hadn't listened to them? A few weeks? No. More than that. A few months then? What was it? Time had become so irrelevant to him nowadays that he could not tell.

But it's not like he wanted to know how long he had been running away either.

Briefly closing his eyes, he lifted the roll up to his lips again. He dragged it on longer this time, feeling his thoughts go blank for a period. The relief it gave him made him unwilling to move from such a state until he had to be released.

Exhaling the built up smoke above him, he felt the remnants burn his eyes a bit. Making it blurrier than it already was. Darker than it already was too.

The sight in front of him was as if it reflected the state of his mind in those few seconds.

Murky.

Vague.

Invasive.

Impermanent.

Until it all dispersed.

And he'd have to take another pull again.

Looking down at the lit screen of his phone, he selected the next message he would listen to. Hoping that reducing those numbers he saw piling up in his inbox would help clear some of his conscience.

But the next one didn't let him relieve himself like that.

"...Jelly?"

It was her again.

"..How are you?"

The woman he didn't want to hear of.

"I tried to call you a few times today but you were busy again."

Because each time he did, she brought it back to him.

"It's okay though, boys your age have a lot going on in their life."

His mistakes.

"You have so many friends now too, and I don't want to keep you from having a good time with them."

His misguidance.

"But I'm just not used to you having moved out yet."

"I don't know if I ever will be."

His melancholy.

"I know you get tired of hearing it, but you're my baby boy Jelly. I just worry about you so much."

Everything he wanted to ignore.

"I'm sorry I call you so much, it's getting annoying isn't it? I'm sorry. I know you're grown up now and you don't have much time but please do call back."

"Please don't forget us even though you're going more into the world now."

"Me, Siegie and even your Papa, we all want to hear from you I promise."

"Take care of yourself Jelly and always remember we all love you."

"I love yo-"

Delete

He swallowed.

Another voicemail from his mother. One of these was sprinkled amongst every handful of messages he went through in his inbox. Her soft and honest voice never stopped tormenting him each time he heard it. The pain woven in her voice couldn't hide, no matter how hard she tried to conceal it.

It always came through regardless.

She was a bad liar.

Just like him.

But he wasn't going to expose his lies to her anytime soon.

Stretching against the suede material of the sofa he had crashed on, he wondered to himself just like any other time, why did he do this?

Why was he heartless enough to ignore her and her every desperate attempt to reach out to him, yet not heartless enough to not feel guilt and heaviness with each word she left for him in her messages that would only ever be dismissed?

He probably wouldn't ever be.

He wasn't like that.

But it's times like this he wished was.

Then it would be easier for both of them.

Reaching over to the glass table beside him, he grabbed a hold of the can of beer he had been sipping from every now and then. He didn't know why he did that either. The taste of beer wasn't something he found pleasant yet he kept taking modest sips of it anyway.

Perhaps because the burn it created in his throat felt deserved and that's why?

Really that's what his life was now.

Doing things without ever really knowing the reason why.

But then again, maybe that's how it had always been?

And it just took nights like this to realise.

He cleared his throat from the burn of booze passing down before taking another hit. As his brain clouded up whilst the smoke was inhaled, he felt himself instantly shift from his heaviness holding him down, to a state that allowed him to continue with his outstanding messages.

"Jellal bro! We're all going out and-"

Delete

"Heyyyy Jellaaal! Do you wanna-"

Delete

When listening to the current voicemails, his finger instinctively trashed them by a few words in. He didn't need to lie to himself now, he didn't really care about the contents of these messages at all.

The only reason he would listen to them for that split second, is with the hope it would relieve some of the burden those rising numbers impressed on him.

To be able to say that he at least did that if nothing more.

It was selfish and it was deceptive, but he wanted to get this tedious cleans over and done with soon.

It wouldn't be truthful, but at this point, what about him was?

He kept going through his inbox absent-mindedly until a change in tone caught his attention and forced him to listen and be present.

"Mr Fernandes, you missed your appointment on the 10th, we are calling to know if you'd like to reschedule with-"

Delete

Ah.

"Mr Fernandes we called up before to inform you of a missed appointment on the-"

Delete

That was right.

There were a number of appointments he had been missing for a while now too. And for some reason he didn't want to follow up on them, when truthfully that would have been the wiser thing.

But it's ever since the diagnosis was made, the help he should have been going for, he soon started to avoid.

And he started to look towards other places for alternatives.

Resolutions.

Which would work for some time.

Until they wouldn't.

And ruined him more in return too.

"Mr Fernandes your prescription has been ready to pick up for 3 months now-"

Delete

Taking another puff, he watched the dirty white glow transiently before his eyes lazily threw a glance at his said 'alternatives'.

On the littered glass table beside him was the evidence of his spiraling.

Things he would have never seen himself using, things he never thought he would be abusing, but it was there by no mistake. In front of him in plain sight. Cartons, bottles and pouches. Empty or becoming empty during another one of these nights that refused to move to the next day.

Life would be going so fast until it would stop.

And when it did, that's when he found himself like this again.

Trying to make it move again.

But regardless, the passing of time never stopped being painful.

Using the back of his hand which he held his cigarette with, he rubbed the side of his eyes, hoping sleep would come to him anytime now. And stop his under eye bags and dark circles from getting more obvious than they already were.

Another sigh fell from his throat as he looked at the dark room around him, wondering how long it would be until the light would hit again. The time lit on his phone told him there were still hours ahead until sunrise. On top of that it was winter too, so the wait would undoubtedly be long.

Trying to pass the time yet again, he went back to going through his inbox. There were a few more reminders from the doctor mixed in with some invites from his friend, and on top of that like he already expected, another few voicemails from mom.

"Jelly hi! It's mama again-"

Delete

"Oh! I actually wanted to quickly ask-"

Delete

"And then I also forgot to tell you-"

Delete

This time he couldn't stand being tortured.

Just hearing the return of her voice had him instinctively trashing them.

The fact she would send so many at once, he could tell why. Hoping that he'd see at least one of them out of the many she piled up, hoping that one of them would catch his attention.

Since he wasn't picking up her calls anymore and calls from himself were once in a blue moon, she resorted to the next best thing.

Sending conversations in hope one of them he'd respond to.

But all she did was talk to herself.

He hated it.

She gave so much effort towards a son that couldn't give her any.

Every time it got harder to.

That's why it was easier to hide away.

But either way that never stopped her.

And only made him spurn more too.

His fingers shook slightly as he held the phone, trying to clear all the messages with her name over them. At times his thumb slipped and it would start her voice, causing his heart to writhe with that deep seated pain from listening to her again, and he'd silence her immediately.

He kept doing that until her name was cleared from what he could see of his screen now. There was no doubt in his mind that he would find more from her if he just scrolled further up, but for now as long as he didn't see that name, it would be better.

As he cleared up his inbox, there were a few other names he came across which he hadn't really heard of in ages now. And these names were mixed with those that tried to replace them.

"Hey Jellal?"

He paused.

"What's up man? It's been so long, oh my god."

Stunned from hearing a voice he didn't really expect to hear again.

"We need to meet up again bro, ever since you went off and did your own thing you barely remember us lot."

From being reminded of a connection that was so different to what he lived by now.

"Call up when you get this alright?

"Honestly bro I wanna see you."

From being reminded of what he had.

"We need to hang out like old times."

And what he was losing.

"I hope you're not just forgetting the past now that you're going places."

Erik still wanted to check up on him, it was surprising.

It had been years now since they had gone their separate ways, and he didn't really think about him as much as he should have for someone he grew up with.

He didn't know why either.

His heart was touched by the fact that his old friend reached out to him after so long, but the warmth was quickly lost as guilt took over and writhed in him further when he remembered Erik was barely a passing thought to him in these current times.

Some part of him wondered if it was mom that told Erik to try and call up on him, he wouldn't have put that past her as if he wasn't answering her, she might have thought that he'd answer to someone else.

But such a thought felt cruel.

As Erik didn't dislike him, he never did. He would have done something like this on his own incentive, he shouldn't have discredited him like that.

The two of them grew up together, were like brothers all the way up until they couldn't take the same path anymore. Practically inseparable until the distance grew and life went on for the both of them. And he never went to close it between them.

Erik…He was a good friend.

He however…

He wasn't.

Delete

Not anymore.

He deeply inhaled, trying to relieve the heaviness that he wasn't prepared for.

Looking over at the cigarette he had been taking his hits from, to his dismay it was reaching the end of it's life. Sighing he took the last pull that was possible so he could savor the bitterness once more before smashing the remnants on the glass table beside him, snuffing out the fire and glow.

He wondered…

Should he reach for another one since this one was finished?

He bounced the thought around in what was left of his head until ultimately deciding against it. Though it was tempting, he couldn't be throwing his health away more than he already was.

Barely in his mid twenties and God only knew what problems were underlying in him from these new habits.

With his (now) free arm he brought it over, using it as a support for the back of his head as he moved about a bit to get comfortable again. It was something he had to do every now and then since sinking into the suede of the sofa didn't remain as pleasant when he had been like that for hours.

After that readjustment, he went back to going through the list of names and numbers, being greeted by those he knew were coming again, making the act of committing to his cleanse for his conscience easier until he got some other messages that had him pausing again.

"Hey babeee, want to-"

There was no need to listen to the rest of that message to know what would follow. And honestly there was only one reason he kept connections like that, but if he had to be frank, in recent times he had barely been interested in that too.

Sex was once intimate.

A pleasure.

Now, regardless of what angle he looked at it from...

It was a chore.

The effort needed to pick someone up, to act in a certain way to try and get something going…

It got tedious .

Sometimes he wanted it. Sometimes it made the nights pass. But other times it made him feel trapped. And tonight was one of those times.

It had been like this for some time too.

Having the option was good.

But he wasn't looking to indulge in it now.

He didn't know when he would again.

Delete

Since his mouth had it's fill of tobacco for the night, he wanted something else to accompany that harsh taste. Unfolding his arm he had used as the support for the back of his head, he reached over to take a few more sips from the open can beside him.

Though the taste was bitter and scalding, he hoped that whatever was left inside could help his eyes close quicker.

It was getting heavier with each sip, so perhaps it was working.

But still he was too present for his liking.

As the burn settled in his throat from his latest sip, he commenced going through the outstanding message. Again, a mixture of new names, names that only called him or he only called when something was wanted, and then the name he wanted to avoid.

At some point his vision started to fade as he kept looking on; whilst listening to the snippets of messages that were deleted without him needing to see. It felt like he would finally give into the darkness, but that's when he heard a voice that stole him straight from it's longed embrace.

"Hey….Jellal?"

His features twitched, unsure of who's voice he heard.

"It's me."

But hearing what they said next confirmed what his brain already started to connect.

"I know we haven't spoken in some time and things didn't end well between us but…"

It was her.

"I've been worried about you."

Another person he didn't think to hear from.

"I'm glad you didn't block me, I really wanted to talk to you but I didn't know how to come about with it until now."

Another person he wished to avoid.

"Call me back when you hear this, okay?"

His eyes blinked open, slowly seeing her name fill his vision and he just stared at it, not knowing what to do.

Erza.

She was the last person he expected to want anything to do with him with how it ended up between them. She wasn't happy with him, they both knew that, so what was making her come back?

The last he had heard about her, she had a new boyfriend. Someone more considerate, someone better suited and overall better for her. Someone who wasn't problematic nor felt unnatural. Someone that would make her happy, unlike him.

And he was happy for her, he truly was.

But why was she trying to talk to him now?

His thumb hovered over her name, shocked still that it would exist again in his recent contacts with all that happened between them. Their ending wasn't as explosive as it could be, but neither was it sweet either.

A sudden death was what it really felt like, or perhaps what had been between them had already been dying before that, and she just made him realise it.

Either way it wasn't going to work out between them like that and he came to accept that.

She wanted things that he couldn't give her.

She dreamed of things between them that he could barely see.

She wanted someone from him that he couldn't be.

Lingering feelings weren't enough to save what was between them.

But he wasn't bitter, she deserved better.

He came to peace with that decision.

And he believed she did too.

So why was it that she wanted to talk to him again?

Shouldn't he have been a closed chapter in her book by now?

Ghosting over her name with his thumb, he briefly contemplated what he should do. And before he knew it, her name also suffered the same fate as all the others he had gone through.

Delete

The weight felt like it increased in his heart, deeper than he thought it would, and adding on to the gaping hole he could feel tearing into him more. Some part of him wanted to look at that name just a little longer, try and build on that hope he killed.

But it was dangerous.

And he didn't want to drag her down again.

He couldn't deny, it was sweet that she was worried about him. It was sweet that she even gave him any thought at all after all these months when things became sour. But really, someone like her shouldn't have been concerned with the likes of him.

They were from two different worlds, and the boundaries couldn't be blurred like they believed they could.

People talked.

The world talked.

It didn't consist of just the two of them.

Everything that happened between them, someone else had a second opinion to say.

And at some point it couldn't be ignored.

He didn't blame her though. The world's judgment would be and was definitely more sound than his own. And ultimately he did want what was best for her, even if it wasn't himself.

And he knew it wasn't himself.

Even if she wanted to believe otherwise.

Scrolling through his remaining list of names and numbers he looked to see if her name existed anywhere else. It wasn't the case. But fact brought conflict to his heart.

He didn't wish to ponder on it so he went on to the other names yet to filter through to distract himself. As he was doing that though, there was a change in the usual tone he would open his messages to.

"Oi why aren't you picking up your phone anymore?"

"Always ghostin now and shit."

"Do you want us to beg to bring you out or somethin?"

"If you wanna be a little bitch about it, suit yourself."

A hostility he didn't expect.

And going through the chain of messages from his new friends, he found a lot of them adopted the same tone too.

"Why the fuck you always hiding now?"

"You're meant to be part of the group but you're acting like a right pussy."

"Stop being a fucking attention whore, the world can't revolve around you. We all have lives of our own you know?"

"Are we supposed to drop everything for you and wait at your feet?"

"Inconsiderate cunt."

But he couldn't say that he was completely surprised.

Delete

Delete

Delete

Delete

Delete

The new group of people he hung out with, he learned they weren't the nicest. A lot of them didn't hold back the sharpness of their tongues either. They were mean, judgmental, self-absorbed and shallow. Not the sort of people you'd call friends proudly.

And to be honest, he didn't know why he had.

At first he believed them to be alike. Lost souls though hurt and troubled by the world around them, finding distraction and comfort in what could take the pain away. While those words were not a lie, just because there was common ground like that, it didn't mean they understood each other.

Or that they even wanted to begin to.

Just because all of you were in a hard place, didn't mean that the support needed would be automatically created.

The world wasn't like that.

Misery loves it's company.

He had every reason to leave, he knew what they were doing to him.

What he was doing to himself.

Yet…

Somehow…

He remained put.

Because perhaps their thinly veiled cruelty resonated with himself. Their self absorption reminded him of his own. Their suffering reminded him of his own. And their self destruction was like his own too.

He lost his feeling of belonging in the world.

And through them, he thought he would find it.

It was wrong.

But he had gone so under he didn't have the strength to wander once more.

Yet with what he could hear in the voice of his false comfort, they would drop him soon. He would be homeless again. A vagrant again. And there would be no one but himself to blame for it.

His vision had become blurred again at some point in time. From listening to the sharp but truthful voices telling him what he already knew. From listening to that which he tried to hide in. From listening to those he tried to hide from until, eventually, a new voice spoke back to him.

"Oi you traitor."

One that was like his own.

"Can't believe you move out and don't even think to contact the single most important guy in your life once."

"That's considered an unforgivable treason in my books, but since it's been some time I'll allow it."

Even though the sides of his face had become wet, he couldn't help the small smile that had cracked at the dramaticness of the obnoxious voicemail. Of course, the first he would hear of his brother again would be through words like that.

But his smile didn't last long when Siegrain's tone also changed to everyone else's.

"No but seriously idiot, have you forgotten us or something? You can't have. That isn't like you."

And even he was questioning him.

"I know things were tense between you and our old man before you left and you don't wanna talk to him. And to be honest I don't blame you, he's always been hard to talk to, you leaving didn't make it any easier."

"But like, that's him."

"What have I done?"

And he too was asking things he didn't have the answers to.

"And Mom?"

"What did she do?"

Or that he was too ashamed to say.

The fact that his overly carefree twin was also getting involved told him how far he was going. And it's not like he didn't know it, he did. He wasn't ignorant of the damage he was doing by any means. But even so, he couldn't stop himself.

He didn't know why, he just couldn't.

"Do you know how much she speaks about you?"

Given how things had become at the household, he didn't think his name would be something she mentioned so openly with all the tension that it would stir up.

But Mom wasn't like how Grandma or Grandad were to his father. Even if he was becoming a lost cause, she wouldn't just act like he was dead like they did to Dad.

She wouldn't act like he did the biggest sin against them.

But now he wished she did.

It would have been better for her if she had.

What did she seek to accomplish by doing such things?

Thinking about it, he wondered if Sieg calling him was another thinly veiled desperation of their Mom trying to reach him. If she nor Erik worked, was it that she resorted to Sieg next?

But before he could chase that thought, his brother quickly disproved that notion with what he said next.

"And before you even begin to think about it."

As if he could tell where his train of thought was going.

"She didn't tell me to call you up."

Was it that transparent now?

"...Okay well she did, but like I did this on my own initiative. You're not the only one with your own life, I've been busy with my own shit and I couldn't find the time."

"But like, why wouldn't I do this? It's not like you're a stranger or someone I don't care about. You're my brother. And like, I realised how quiet it's been since you left. Even more than before."

"Even Erik told me the other day that he hadn't heard from you much since you left and that's when I knew something was up."

"I can understand you ignoring me, like I'm that annoying shithead little brother who gave you more reasons then one to leave on the side for adoption if you could. But Erik? Your best friend since like the time you guys could talk?"

"And Mom too? The woman who has been nothing but good and loving to us. To YOU. The one that's always been there for you before anyone, even me."

"This doesn't make sense."

He was right.

"This isn't like you Jellal."

It wasn't.

"I don't know why you're acting as if it is."

He didn't know either.

But he couldn't tell him that.

"You know someone from our highschool also called up the other day? Asked how you were doing. If you were doing any better. I forgot the dude's name, but I remember it having like Mac in it and it sounded like a book we studied in English."

"Anyway Mac, he didn't have your personal number so I guess he called us up with what you gave him before. Mom told him you moved out anyway though, and she gave him your new number but she told him you don't pick up much since you're so busy."

"I don't know what happened after that. But either that probably didn't go ahead with it or maybe he did and you never heard it yet."

He couldn't answer that for himself either.

Macbeth was concerned about him too? That was surprising. It made him wonder why when the two of them only spend sparse moments together when in high school. Really he had only spoken to the guy before exams or something revolving class since they both were performing similarly.

Once again the sentiment was sweet, but it's pleasant feeling didn't last long as he couldn't even tell if he had ever seen Macbeth's call. Did it ever come through or was it another he mindlessly dismissed and deleted during one of these cleansing sessions.

He didn't know.

But he didn't have time to try and recall an answer as Sieg went on to bring him out of that spell of self-loathing.

"Whatever the case is, people are asking Jellal. People know something's up and they've known for some time now. It's not just Mom, it's not just me. Erik and even old friends are asking about you."

"Why do you keep ignoring everything?"

Yet again something he couldn't answer readily.

But what Sieg said next only brought back the spell of self loathing he saved him from.

One that was more raw and bitter than any other and he hated to face.

"I shouldn't need to tell you all of this. You should know this on your own and honestly you probably do."

"I don't get it."

"You've always been the considerate one. The responsible one. You've always been the perfect one. The one Mom and Dad were proud of most. The one that people liked the most."

"What's happened?"

"It doesn't make sense to me!"

"Like what you're doing is meant to be me! I'm the troublesome little shit that's meant to get Mom and Dad's hairs graying early. Not you."

"You can't take my place like that."

Sieg was trying to be light hearted, but hearing those words had his teeth grating in his mouth. The tension rose in his body without warning from listening to those labels that he couldn't understand anymore. They didn't resonate with him nor did they mean anything now and hearing them was almost a form of mockery.

The bitterness spiked so sharply that he almost cut the voicemail short, but the subject changed again which gave him the shift he needed to listen on.

"Talk to us Jellal."

"Please."

"Whatever you're going through, tell us."

"Tell me."

"I swear, even with as much of an ass I can be, I'll listen.

"I swear Jellal."

"You know what happened to Dad and his brother. Fuck, his whole family. You know what happened to them. I don't want us to be like that."

"With the way things are going it's looking like that, and I don't want it to."

That comparison Sieg made wasn't one that was new to him. It troubled his own mind more often than not. How their dad and his own brothers became estranged, even before Dad was sent to prison.

How one of his uncles became a drug addict during his own youth and becoming a highschool dropout followed not long after. Then on top of all that, kicked out for failing his second chance and becoming dead to the family for years.

Their dad suffered an even crueler fate than that.

And their family was still paying for it.

"I'm sure you don't want it like that either."

He agreed with his brother's words. Never did he want their family to become so pulled apart that it created the same bitterness left in Dad's own. That couldn't even heal after the wounds were long closed.

He never wished for the past to repeat itself.

But he didn't know why he wasn't able to stop it.

He had done everything just so the pain would stop.

So the family would be happy.

But somewhere that intention had inverted.

His actions didn't match up to them anymore.

And he didn't know why.

"So stop all of this!"

"I don't care, you better call me back or I will find you myself and I'll make you talk to me."

"Don't doubt my ability to do that!"

"And for God's sake, talk to Mom already!"

That was the last of Sieg's voice in the message. He stared at the voicemail that had come to it's send, unable to decide what to do with it. Not because of the threats at the end, but his brother had him feeling conflicted again.

Even more than before.

There was something strangely cruel in hearing Sieg's voice compared to anyone else. Perhaps because it was as if his own voice was speaking to him, telling him what he knew deep down and bringing it out into the open where he didn't want it. And Sieg knew more than anyone else, he knew how to say things where they would hit.

He didn't make waste of that in his attempt to reach out.

His thumb hovered over his name just like it did with anyone else's before. But for some reason, this time he found himself unable to commit to his will to be ignorant. Something stopped him from pretending Sieg's message never existed.

He couldn't tell why.

But it felt a graver sin to do the same to him that he had done to everyone else.

So he didn't.

Instead he went to the next message above his, trying to wash his mind of his brother's words, hoping he would go back into that state of ignorance. But without realising who the next message was, he was greeted by another voice that was one he definitely didn't want to hear.

" Jellal."

Because it was one that spoke to him more directly then Sieg ever did.

"I know you don't wish to speak to me, and I will not ask you to."

"But since it's nearly been a year since you moved out, I wanted to ask you."

"Are you happy with your decision?"

"Do you feel liberated now?"

"You said you didn't feel home here, then have you found your home now?"

It was impossible to tell with what intention those words were asked to him with. Was it in mockery? Was it in anger? Was it in sincerity? Or was it the same as him? Asking an answer for the sake of it.

Dad's voice was emotionless as ever. Calm as ever. He couldn't understand his emotions just like he couldn't with his. But somehow, even with this disconnect between them, their father always could say something that struck straight on the target. Even now with these questions he posed out of nowhere, he couldn't help but feel caught.

Because some part of him believed Dad knew the answers to those questions he asked even before he did.

And with what he said next confirmed it.

"You don't need to tell me that answer, that's for you to contemplate and to come to an understanding of."

"Also contact your mother, have whatever issue you want with me, but don't make her suffer for it."

"And one more thing."

"Don't think hiding away is going to solve any of your problems."

If there was anything that left him speechless from what his dad said, it was those last words. He felt himself shake from how direct that comment was, he had seen right through him.

And now that father's voice came to cease, just like with the others, he found himself staring at his name, watching it taunt him on the dimly lit screen, forcing him to comprehend that which he didn't want to.

He just sat there in silence, shuddering and listening to his father's last words echo in his brain. He wanted that voice of his to shut up, he wanted to stop hearing that ridicule, he wanted to stop hearing that clear cut truth.

Wanting to be rid of that taunt, he went on to try and listen to the next messages that were left, in hope they would cleanse his father's message.

Cleanse the emotions he left stirring in him.

But no.

"Jellal please talk to me."

Delete

The next messages only added on.

"W-What have I done wrong?"

"P-Please tell me s-so I-I can fix it-"

Delete

"Pleas-"

Delete

"I-I want to be a good mom."

Delete

"J-Just please let me k-know and i'll be-"

Delete

"I-I'm so sorry-"

Delete

"I-I don't know what I did wrong-"

Delete

"P-Please J-Jellal!"

Delete

At some point he couldn't even tell what he was pressing anymore. Her voice became all he heard.

Out of all the messages he skimmed through, he never failed to single in on the increasing pain that grew with each message he deleted.

Running away could only do him so much, his father was right, but his sins were too heavy to face. Each broken word and bout of desperation he pushed her towards and for what, the scales got heavier.

There was nothing stopping him answering her or anyone, not even pride. What was there to be proud of in a state like this?

Yet why did the only answer he turned to was to keep quiet?

And how long would he be able to?

It couldn't go on like this.

Using the inner palm of his hand he wiped the sides of his eyes, feeling the rawness of his skin itch from the touch. He sighed to himself quietly, allowing for once a sob to break through from his throat as the phone shook from his hand and the first reply he could muster left him in a whisper.

"I'm sorry.."

As the words left him in confession all he could wonder was…

How had it all…

…Come to this?

[talonslockau]

Forest of Secrets - Chapter 1

Prologue || Index || Chapter 2

Fireheart’s paws felt like stone as he carried Quickflash’s body into Thunderclan camp. In the tunnel behind him were Graystripe, Longtail, Dustleap, and Tinyfrost - all mourning the loss of yet another deputy in only two seasons.

And he knew exactly why.

His blood boiled as he saw Tigerclaw across camp, chatting nonchalantly with Bluestar. As they turned to see the returning patrol, the dark tabby’s face turned into a perfect expression of shock - one, he could imagine, the cold-hearted murderer had been practicing for ages. But he kept quiet, partially because he had no proof and partially because he was still carrying Quickflash.

He gently laid the deputy’s body in the center of camp as the Clan began to congregate around him. “What happened?” Bluestar was the first to ask, grief filling her eyes even as she stood tall in front of them.

He glanced at those that had actually been on the Shadowclan border patrol to answer. Graystripe had buried his face into his father’s fur, blind and deaf to the outside world, while Dustleap stared empty-eyed into the distance. It was Longtail that finally responded. “He was laying in the middle of the Thunderpath. A Monster must have hit him.”

“What was he doing out there?” Patchpelt, the newest elder, asked as he gazed down at the too young deputy’s body.

“I don’t know. He must’ve seen something - maybe a Shadowclanner-” Longtail’s voice was rising rapidly, and he blinked gratefully to Bluestar when she raised her tail to quiet him.

“This is a horrible accident. Quickflash was a fine warrior, full of energy and courage. He dedicated himself to his Clan wholeheartedly.” She shook her head mournfully as she stood above him. “I was certain he would have led Thunderclan to a great and prosperous era.” 

Unspoken words hung in the air as she crouched down, murmuring her own thanks to her fallen deputy for serving her. One by one, Thunderclanners came up and paid their respects to Quickflash. Just as Fireheart was approaching, he heard a burst of noise from nearby.

“Quickflash! No!” A silver blur rushed by him, and he realized after a moment it was Willowbranch, the deputy’s mate. She nosed under his chin, as though trying to wake him up, but it was already too late. His body had grown cold in the late leaffall breeze. “Oh, my darling…” She whispered softly as she blinked back tears. “What am I going to do without you?”

He found it hard to breathe as he watched the grieving queen whisper words only meant for her mate’s spirit to hear. He could have prevented this. He should have prevented this. He raised his head to see Peppermask and Dewpaw approaching their father as well, their expressions horrified. So much unnecessary grief, all for Tigerclaw to get his way.

Fireheart dipped his nose down into the pale tabby’s short fur. The tom still stank of the Thunderpath; the elders had had no time to put the mourning herbs into his pelt. “I promise I’ll make sure this never happens again.” He whispered, hoping that like Redtail, Quickflash’s spirit could hear him. He glanced up, wondering if he might see either of them, but there were no spirits lurking at the edges of camp.

At last he moved away, padding over to the healer’s den where Yellowfang was watching. “We need to talk.”

She flicked one torn gray ear. “I know.” She dipped her broad, flat face towards where Tigerclaw and Darkstripe were conversing, staring at the corpse in camp. “I’m sure all of us that know are having the same thoughts. But the children will need time to grieve, as well.” She nodded to someone behind him, and he turned to see his old mentor approaching. “Tinyfrost. Do you need something?”

“It’s Fireheart I’m here for.” The little tom’s icy blue eyes were burning with barely contained fury, and he could see on his white paw that his claws were partially unsheathed. “We need to speak. In private.”

“Yellowfang’s seen Redtail’s spirit.” Fireheart murmured quietly, careful to keep Tigerclaw from overhearing. “She knows.”

“Ah.” The two regarded each other for a moment, gauging intentions, before Tinyfrost sat down beside him. “Then you know we must do something. Now, before Bluestar names the next deputy.”

Yellowfang shook her head. “We have no proof. As far as anyone knows, Quickflash had a tragic accident.” She nodded to the littermates sharing tongues for the last time with their father. “And we should include them. It’s their father; they’ll be furious if they’re not allowed to avenge him.”

“But there’s a chance-”

“No.” The grizzled healer gave him a hard glare, one he reflected back. “I will talk to Bluestar. She will likely want to see me anyway, for Starclan’s guidance.” She looked around camp, slowly appraising each warrior. “Believe me, I have no desire to see Thunderclan fall to the reign of a cat all too like Broken- Brokentail.” She swallowed hard at the thought of the tyrannical tabby’s reign. “But we must not act rashly, or we will fall right into his trap.”

“Just like Quickflash did?” Tinyfrost growled. From near the warriors’ den, he could see Tigerclaw flick an ear towards them.

“Tinyfrost.” Fireheart hushed him quickly. He nodded towards Tigerclaw, who was now slyly listening to them with one back turned ear. “You’re right, Quickflash would want us to go hunting while the Clan mourns. The freshkill pile is far too low.”

His old mentor was still glowering at the giant tabby from across camp. “Fine.” He spat out, his claws flexing in and out of the dirt as though he were imagining the ground beneath him to be Tigerclaw’s neck.

“I’ll go tell Whitestorm, then.” He mewed quickly, bounding off before the little warrior could change his mind. Normally, he would tell Bluestar, or the deputy, but neither were in a position to listen to him, and everyone knew that Whitestorm was essentially third in command within the clan.

The snowy tom was sitting next to his mate under the Highrock, his yellow eyes sorrowful as he gazed at the body in camp. He slowly raised his gaze to see the other warrior approaching. “Fireheart. Did you have need of us?”

He shook his head quickly. “I- I just wanted to say that Tinyfrost and I are going hunting. The Clan will need freshkill tonight, and with so many cats grieving…”

Surprise flashed in the senior warrior’s gaze, which quickly turned to gratitude. “That is an excellent idea. I am sure Bluestar and the Clan will appreciate your initiative.” Lionheart nodded slowly beside him in agreement, though his own green eyes were listless. As he bounded away, Fireheart felt guilty for not feeling the same; but already, the grief he had felt had turned to determination to make sure this never happened again.

Tinyfrost was already waiting for him at the entrance, and together the two padded through the bracken and into the greater territory. Wordlessly, they headed back towards the Thunderpath; none would be willing to go near the scene of the crime so soon.

“We can’t let him get away with this.” The older warrior interrupted his thoughts as they moved through the forest. “Not again. If he succeeds in becoming deputy-”

“Do you think Bluestar would choose him?” Fireheart asked, tilting an ear towards his former mentor. “Yellowfang said she would try to dissuade her, but surely there are better choices. Dappleshine, Whitestorm… You, even.”

He glanced to see what the other tom thought of that, but his mentor didn’t show any emotion on his face. “You’re only saying that because we’re not murderers like he is. To the rest of the Clan, Tigerclaw is a strong, formidable warrior; many in the Clan would support him becoming deputy.”

The ginger tom wrinkled his nose in disgust. “And they wouldn’t support you?”

Tinyfrost glared at him, though he could tell the warrior’s anger wasn’t directed at him. “Do you really think the Clan would support a former kittypet potentially becoming leader?” 

The new warrior hesitated. “They’ve been accepting of me…” Mostly, he thought bitterly, thinking of Tigerclaw’s two warrior children back at camp. 

“They’ve accepted you because Starclan supposedly gave a sign to accept you.” Tinyfrost growled. “And as you told me yourself when we first began training, not everyone did so. What do you think they think of me, the runty kittypet that was only accepted on a technicality?”

Fireheart wanted to deny that, but he knew Tinyfrost spoke the truth, or close enough to it. “What about Lionheart? He’s just as strong as Tigerclaw.” In a battle to the death, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to pick which mighty warrior would survive such a confrontation.

The little tom twitched his whiskers. “Most of the Clan still thinks of Lionheart as reckless and hot-headed. Besides, his apprentice only just became a warrior, like mine; I’m not sure Bluestar wants to choose an inexperienced deputy again, especially not one with his reputation.” 

This was the first he’d heard of the golden-furred warrior being considered so negatively. “Really? He’s always been so level-headed around me. Especially compared to you.” The ruddy warrior paused, not sure if his old mentor would take offense to it, but thankfully his companion just chuffed in amusement.

“Back when we were apprentices, he thought himself invincible. Redtail couldn’t keep him out of trouble.” He paused, glancing out into the forest. “I think his mentor’s death came as a shock to him. It reminded him that we’re all mortal.”

Fireheart slowly nodded at that. He understood; he couldn’t imagine what state he’d be in if Tinyfrost was killed so unexpectedly. “There are options, though.” He pointed out after several moments of silence. “We have to have faith that Yellowfang will guide Bluestar into making a good choice.”

Tinyfrost wrinkled his nose, but didn’t reply. It didn’t matter if he did; the roaring of the Monsters announced that they had reached their destination. The giant creatures raced by, oblivious to the two Thunderclanners lurking on the side of the road. He could see smears of blood and fur on the Thunderpath even from here. This was the scene of Tigerclaw’s treachery.

“I can’t smell anything with this stench.” Fireheart muttered to Tinyfrost, who grimaced and nodded agreement. “And I doubt any of that fur is Tigerclaw’s, either.” He grumbled. If only it could be so easy.

“The verge here is so thin.” Tinyfrost growled. He was right; from where the forest concealed them, it was only a tail-length at best until the thick, dark stone of the Thunderpath. “It wouldn’t take much to shove a cat out there, even if they were struggling.”

“And any claw marks that he might have would be hidden by the Monsters’ tracks.” Fireheart responded, heart sinking. He wasn’t sure what either of them had expected from coming out here. He glanced around, hoping to find pawprints, fur, anything that would link the dark tabby to the scene, but there was nothing. Tigerclaw had been careful, and they both knew it.

They were silent, gazing out at the bloody mess, before finally Fireheart forced himself to turn away. “Come on. We should at least try to bring something back for the Clan.” He tapped his former mentor on the shoulder, and after a long pause the senior warrior turned and followed him back into their territory.

Their tails were low as they returned to camp, Tinyfrost with a robin and Fireheart with a mouse. It was a pitiful catch, even for late leaffall, but none challenged them as they deposited their kills on the freshkill pile. 

He turned to see Quickflash surrounded by mourners - Willowbranch, his children, his siblings, One-eye, and even Dustleap. Even with only those closest to him sharing tongues for the last time, it was still nearly half the Clan that was gathered around him now. The impact of the deputy’s death would be felt by all in the Clan for many moons.

Only a few cats were watching now. None of the queens were in the clearing; most, he imagined, would be in the nursery, making sure the kits didn’t interrupt the vigil. His eyes narrowed as he saw Tigerclaw and Darkstripe talking with the elders, but he did his best to hide his disgust and anger as he followed Tinyfrost over to where Lionheart and Sandstorm were sitting.

“Tinyfrost. Fireheart.” Lionheart nodded to each of them, and even though Sandstorm’s gaze lingered disapprovingly on Fireheart, she didn’t say anything as they sat opposite her.

“Has Bluestar announced the new deputy?” Tinyfrost wasted no time in asking as he sat down beside Lionheart. Compared to the giant warrior, he was comically small, looking almost like a kit. Still, he didn’t seem intimidated as he gazed up at the other warrior - his nurserymate, Fireheart remembered.

“No. She’s talking with Whitestorm and Yellowfang now.” His green eyes were hard as he stared at the gathering of cats in the clearing. “She had a tough time deciding last time. And there are even fewer candidates now, with Patchpelt’s retirement.”

“Did Whitestorm say why she chose Quickflash last time?” Fireheart asked, his ears perked. As his mate, Lionheart would be the most likely to know what Whitestorm had discussed with her.

The golden tabby stiffened for a moment, before sighing and relaxing himself. “You are new to the ways of the Clan. I suppose you must not know much about how a deputy is chosen, beyond what the Code teaches you.”

He hesitated, then shook his head. “I know they’ll be leader one day, if Bluestar passes on to Starclan. And that they have to have first mentored an apprentice.” He bowed his head. “I’m sorry if my question was too forward. I- I was just curious, is all.”

The giant warrior nodded. “I understand. I cannot say what Whitestorm has told me in confidence, but I can tell you what I would say to any inquisitive apprentice.” He gazed up at the sky, where the moon was starting to rise. “In choosing a new deputy, Bluestar is looking for a worthy successor to her legacy. She is wise, and just; she knows when to fight, and when to seek peace. Her deputy must be willing to consider each in equal measure, for the good of the Clan she has stewarded for so many seasons.”

They were silent as the youngest warrior mulled that over. “Not someone like Dustleap, then.” He finally said, remembering the fight he’d had with the brown tabby his very first day in Thunderclan.

Sandstorm growled at the mention of her brother, but Lionheart twitched his whiskers in amusement. “Yes, precisely. Nor someone that would seek peace above all else, even to the detriment of our Clan.” He gazed across the clearing. “There is nothing wrong with either, in moderation; but learning when to stand your ground and when to flee is a skill that only time can give. But we have lost so many of our greatest warriors in recent seasons…”

He bowed his head, and Fireheart knew that he was thinking of his lost mentor, Redtail. If only he knew that the culprit for this murder was the one and the same as his mentor’s. How might he react? Still, he didn’t dare say anything negative about Tigerclaw; not in front of his daughter, anyways. “Who would you pick, then?” 

Lionheart paused, finally looking back up to the ginger tom. “I don’t know. That is why this decision is so hard for her.” He shook his head bitterly. “While inexperienced, Quickflash had all of the qualities that make the greatest warriors, just like Redtail before him. Who could replace them now?”

Silence hung in the air for a few moments. “What about you?” Fireheart ventured, ears perked for the other warrior’s answer. “You’re one of the greatest warriors of all the Clans.”

The golden tom chuffed as though amused, but the way his brows furrowed suggested otherwise. “Bluestar would never choose me.”

“Why not?” The youngest warrior tilted his head in confusion. “Surely-”

Bluestar suddenly burst forth from her den, Whitestorm and Yellowfang on her heels. Though their leader’s tail was bushed as though in fear, her eyes were bright and her ears were forward as she jumped onto the Highrock. “Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting!”

“It’s rather early for a decision.” Sandstorm murmured to Lionheart as they all padded towards Bluestar. “The moon has only just begun to rise.”

Fireheart turned his attention towards the other two that had been in Bluestar’s den. Whitestorm looked troubled, but sat down to the side and wrapped his tail over his paws nonetheless. Yellowfang, however, looked furious, her eyes almost vanishing in her scowl. His heart dropped at the sight. That couldn’t mean-

“I had hoped that I would never have to do this again.” Bluestar’s mew was solemn as she looked down on the body of her fallen deputy. “I saw in Quickflash a great warrior, and a greater leader - one, I know, would have led Thunderclan to a new era of prosperity.” 

She bowed her head, and the rest of the Clan joined her. “But it is Starclan’s will that a new deputy be chosen. It is through their guidance that I choose Quickflash’s successor, and perhaps one day the cat that will lead Thunderclan in my stead.” The silver queen raised her head to the sky, where the stars were just beginning to shine. “I say these words before Quickflash and Starclan, so that they may hear and approve of my choice.”

A long, agonizing moment of silence hung in the air as every cat waited for Bluestar to speak with bated breath. “Tigerclaw will be the new deputy of Thunderclan.”

“NO!”

Fireheart’s yowl was drowned out by the cheers of cats around him. Sandstorm and Darkstripe were among the loudest, though nearly every cat looked on approvingly. He glanced over to Graystripe and Peppermask, who were staring up at Bluestar in abject horror. Tinyfrost’s spine was bristling, and for a moment he was sure his former mentor would throw himself at the new deputy as he stood up.

“Bluestar, I am truly honored.” The scarred tabby’s amber eyes were glistening with dark satisfaction as he spoke, and Fireheart’s stomach churned to imagine what the tom was thinking. “I had never dared to hope that I would be allowed to reach such a high rank. And yet, if it is Starclan’s will, I of course must accept.” 

Starclan’s will? Fireheart snarled at the thought. There was no way that Starclan had chosen Tigerclaw! He looked to Yellowfang, whose own tail was lashing in anger. It was clear she hadn’t wanted this either. Yet, without her input, how could Bluestar believe that Tigerclaw was Starclan’s choice?

“By the spirit of Quickflash, I promise to serve you - and Thunderclan - in any way that I can.” Tigerclaw continued on, interrupting his thoughts. “May I be worthy of Starclan’s eternal gaze.”

“May Starclan light your path.” Bluestar sounded proud as she leaped down from the rock, briefly touching noses with the new deputy before going to say her final goodbyes with Quickflash. She nestled in close to Willowbranch and Mousefur, her murmurs impossible to hear over the celebrations surrounding Tigerclaw.

Fireheart didn’t feel like joining them, instead padding over to Yellowfang. “What in Starclan’s name happened in there?” He hissed at her. “You promised-”

She shook her broad head, quickly silencing him. “Tomorrow.” She replied quietly to him. “I’ll tell you all everything that happened - tomorrow.” With that, she stalked back to her den, disappearing into the rocky crevice before he could call after her.

As he turned back to Tinyfrost, whose tail was rattling in pent-up frustration, part of him felt hopeless. What could they do now that Tigerclaw was one step away from leading the Clan? At the same time, however, he knew that none of them would allow this to stand. The murderous warrior would not be allowed to lead Thunderclan into darkness; not as long as he was around.

[purplesimmer455]

Iseul ordered a cake for the four of them as well, and asked Amna and Samuel about themselves. "How did you two lovebirds meet?" She said. Amna blushed, which Grace ribbed her for, and said, "Well, I was studying at Simford University and after a grueling study session, I went to the nearby Cafe to eat sugary sweets and relieve my stress." Iseul nodded. "I saw this rather handsome man around my age with brown hair and he was eating pastries and drinking coffee. I didn't know how to talk to boys, since my parents were strict on no dating, so I just would observe him." Amna blushed again as her husband gave her a teasing look. "But I got up the courage to talk with him, and he was so pleasant and kind, and I found out he was from Simerica but came here for work. I told him about growing up in Pakistan, and he told me about his childhood in Simerica, and we became friends. Eventually, I started to develop romantic attractions towards him." Iseul bit back a smile and nodded. "So I asked him to court me." At Iseul's confused look, she added. "I felt it was appropriate for him to court me, meet my parents, and then we could start going on chaperoned dates and eventually get engaged and married." Iseul nodded. It wasn't her cup of tea or something she'd want to do, but she respected it. "We ended up getting married, had our Gracie who we named after his mum, and the rest is history." Iseul smiled. "That's kind of sweet." She said. "I know it might seem old fashioned for you and Grace, being two modern youths." Amna said. Iseul shook her head. "No, no, I respect that it's what you wanted and felt comfortable with." She said, and Amna smiled.

Amna and Samuel insisted on paying for the bill, and then while Grace headed to the bathroom, Iseul turned to Amna. "Mrs. Siddiqui, I plan on marrying Grace one day, and I was wondering if I could I get your and Mr. Siddiqui's blessings?" Samuel nodded. "You have mine." He said, gently nudging his wife, who mulled it over. "You have my blessing too, Iseul." Amna said. Iseul sensed hesitation. "I would just prefer if you two marry before moving in or pursuing romantic attractions towards each other." Iseul blushed. "I understand, Mrs. S. Grace and I are taking it slow but I don't think we'll be ready to wed before we even live together and get to know each other, you know?" She said. Amna sighed but nodded, and Grace came out of the bathroom then. Grace put an arm around Iseul as they said goodbye to her parents. "Gracie, do you want me to drop you off at your place?" Her dad asked. "Oh." Grace blushed as Iseul tried to hide a grin. "Iseul's coming over to my flat so we're going back together." Her mom turned pink too and couldn’t look at Iseul, and Iseul tried hard not to laugh at the scandalized look on her face. "Mum, we're adults." Grace said half jokingly. "I know, bheta. I'm just not used to these modern dating things. Listen, auntie Nimra's daughter lives next door to you so just keep things private, I dont want her to think 'What all is Amna's daughter doing?' And tell her mother who will then ask me." She said. Grace rolled her eyes. "Ammi, she doesn't care what I do. She's a grown adult and mostly focused on her wife and daughter." Amna sighed. "Grace bheta, it's about tahzeeb, good manners. Whatever you and Iseul do in private is fine but it would reflect poorly on me and your father if you act too romantic in public while unmarried." She said. "Amna." Samuel said gently. "With all due respect, Mrs. Siddiqui, Grace would never disrepect you guys, and we haven't even woohooed, we just kissed. Plus, Homaira is pretty cool and she doesn't care if she sees us kissing, I mean she kisses her wife in public too." Iseul said. Amna sighed but smiled politely. "Alright. Well, it was nice meeting you, Iseul." Iseul smiled. "It was nice to meet you too, Mrs. Siddiqui, and you too, Mr. Siddiqui." Samuel smiled at Iseul. "You too, dear." He said, and Grace and Iseul headed out.

[eddiessidegirl]

Your DMs are always welcome, my dear. Ohh! I almost forgot! I have a prompt for you. Congrats on the followers! You deserve it 💕 I wanna do a fun sleepover too, really soon.

Could I possibly request Eddie with an alt/punk girlfriend? I don't usually see a whole lot of Punk!Reader and it would make my week. Something fluffy and fun, no pressure.

Omg, this took forever and I’m so so so sorry 😭 please forgive me. I hope this is good, and makes sense.

For Want Of

Summary: Punkrocker Tara is in love with Eddie Munson

Pairing: Eddie x Punk/Alt!Fem Reader

Warnings: Standard 18+ for my blog, this is a fluff piece, angst (if you squint), mutual pining, minor drug use and drinking (typical teen shit), let me know if I missed anything

Word count: 4166 words

Alarm clock blaring, record player left in the final stages of playing last nights record, and the person sized lump on the bed under the covers. This was how Tara’s mother found her in the morning on this particular Friday morning. “Tara, I swear to Jesus himself if you do not get out of bed this minute, you’re losing car privileges this weekend and you will not be able to go hang out with your little friends. You’ll be forced to clean out the garage with your father.” A cigarette dangled from her mothers thin, pursed lips her fake attempt at being a good mother was such a lie. She was only mad that her stupid church friends heard that her only daughter was out at all hours of the night hanging out with other teens who dressed like she did: coloured hair, dark makeup and listening to Misfits on full blast while driving the streets of Hawkins, Indiana. But most of all her mother hated hearing she’d been seen talking to and being around a one Eddie Munson. He was a drug dealer, a cult leader, and he listened to “that God awful music” as her mother put it.

“Will you lower your fucking voice? I heard you the first time you bellowed at me like an hour ago. Fucks sake.” Her voice draped in sleep, mascara and eyeliner smudged and giving her the raccoon look. Tara pushed the blankets back and slid into her jeans and pulled a Ramones shirt over her head - not bothering with a bra.

Jonathan was already waiting outside for her, mug of coffee in hand for her to drink while they drove to pick up Robin, his little brother Will in the back seat, his newest companion guide for his game night with his friends in hand, he didn’t even notice her sliding into the front seat. “So, is today the day? Or are you never gonna tell him? I mean Graduation is coming up quick, and you’re not gonna be here forever,” He asked her, he’d known she’d had a thing for the town drug dealer for ages but never worked up the courage. Sure she could throw down with assholes who grabbed her ass but Munsons’ chocolate eyes just made her stomach do flips. Her arm reached across the front seat and she shoved her best friend.

“Shut it, Byers. What about you and Wheeler? You guys gonna cut the shit and finally figure out your college bull? Or are you just gonna pretend that you still haven’t gotten your rejection letter to Emerson?” He shot her a nasty look, but it softened when he saw she was just poking fun at him, she laughed teasingly an scooped her hair into a bun.

They secured Robin who was all giggles about this girl Vickie and she loved how happy her friend was, being yourself was hard in this town but the three of them did their best to never hide their true selves around each other. It just sucked big time that the rest of the town didn’t subscribe to the same thoughts and feelings.

-

Tara had turned 18 in December, and while Eddie was still in high school he was a super senior, 19 going on 20. She’d liked him ever since she could remember, but it became more prevalent when he turned up to school when she was 13 and he 15, his buzzed hair grown out and dressed in a battle vest and leather with heavy metal band pins all over it. She herself had always been more into the punk scene. She’d seen the Clash in concert in Chicago with Jonathan and they were planning to she The Cramps this summer before she moved for college. But she could tolerate his music tastes, if only he paid her an ounce of attention aside from selling her dime bags here and there.

She’d gotten lost in her thoughts and wasn’t paying attention as they exited the car, “watch it freak I don’t want to catch whatever it is you have wrong with you.” Carol Perkins cackled and turned back towards her friends, brushing off pretend dirt as they walked away from the group. Tara flipped them all the middle finger and shoved her bag further up her shoulder. “Christ, you’d think she’d have levelled out after Wheeler smacked her when she made fun of her for dating you…” Tara muttered to Jonathan. Will had quickly gotten out of the car and was running towards his little nerd herd, the four of them colliding around Eddie and his friends, collectively they were the Hellfire Club, the only Dungeons and Dragons club in all of Hawkins and subsequently made them the butt of every joke, but Tara knew that after the years of trauma those kids had suffered they deserved too feel some happiness even if they were mocked behind their backs.

Robin nudged her back “can you go get us some weed for this weekend? I can’t get caught with it in my room again, my parents are already on edge after the last time.” There was a smile on her friends lips that said this was more than a transactionary meeting that would be happening.

A small huffing noise came from Taras throat. “Later. I’ll pop a note into his locker for a lunch meeting.”

Which she did, it was a folded triangle note with few words “Forest clearing. Lunch. -T” Eddie pocketed the note, grinning, Tara was his favourite customer, not only because she was a consistent buyer which made it possible to do upkeep on his van but also because she was a person who didn’t judge him, her being hot was just a bonus. And what Tara didn’t know is that he had a thing for her too, and she’d never noticed that he gave a deep discount on all her purchases. Hell, she could ask to walk on his back in her Docs and he’d say “yes please” and ask her to do it again.

-

Lunch rolled around and both parties were walking enthusiastically towards the meeting spot, Eddie, lunch box in hand and Tara, with her headphones on listening to a mix-tape that Byers had given her to check out.

She was walking head down and collided with something hard, but also soft, clearly a person. She took off her headset and yelled “Hey! Watch where the fuck you walk asshole!” But when she actually focused on who she was yelling at it her whole face went beet red, in fact if you’d placed her face next to an actual beetroot you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between the two. It was Eddie. He’d been standing by the bench watching her walk towards him the whole time and when she smacked into him he lost it. His body was rocking back and forth with laughter, tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried to compose himself, one of his ringed hands clutching the picnic table for stability.

“I’m so sorry, that was actually one the best things I’ve seen, T.” His voice slightly hoarse from laughing, “y-you just..and then…oh my god.” And he was off again.

Tara tried her hardest to be mad, but she couldn’t, it was funny, and the hard shell exterior she had always cracked a little when she was around Eddie. “Shuddup Munson…” she mumbled, her mouth in a smile, reaching to punch his arm lightly. “I’m supposed to be here buying weed, not making you piss yourself.”

He sat down and placed his elbow on the table, his lunchbox beside him, hand tucked under his chin, “ooo a woman serious about her business.. I love it” his eyes sparkled and watched her sit, clocking the fact that’s her chest jostled freely but focused on her face. “How much are we talking?” His nimble fingers opening the lunch box, gesturing to the nuggets inside.

“An eighth’ll do.. it’s for Robin, Jon and I for the weekend, we’re going to watch movies and play some pool at the Byers since their moms going to Hoppers this weekend,” he’d nodded and starting doling it out, it was like time slowed down and then sped up because before Tara knew it her mouth was speaking words and she couldn’t stop them from coming, “y-you should come too, Jon’s bringing Nancy and Robin will be bringing Vickie, I really don’t want to be playing pool on my own.” The blush had come back just as strong only now it was creeping down her neck and disappeared into her shirt. What was she doing? This was stupid. She told herself of course he didn’t wanna hang out with a bunch of 18 year olds.

“Sure, I mean, I’ve got nothing better to do, just running campaign tonight and then free all weekend.” She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but it didn’t seem like it. Her heart raced. “It’s on me since I’ll be there, don’t worry about paying me.” He handed her a bag that was clearly more than what she asked for and got up. “See you there, sweetheart” he called out, and disappeared into the trees back to his van to calm his nerves. He was basically going on a date with the girl he liked and he couldn’t believe it.

“I didn’t even tell him when it was…” Tara couldn’t find him to tell him and she didn’t want to be late to class, since the teacher was friend of her mothers and she didn’t need more trouble before the weekend.

-

Saturday evening arrived faster than she thought it would. Bad Religions’ ‘We’re Only Gonna Die’ played on the speaker, Nancy was learning how to play pool with Vickie, Robin teaching both of them, Jonathan and Tara drinking a beer in the corner laughing every time one of them launched a cue ball off the table and had to get it. The air in the room was hazy with the smell of weed. Everyone was there, except Eddie, maybe he’d forgotten or maybe he just didn’t want to come after all. Besides why would he want to hang out with them when he could be hanging with his band mates or anyone else for that matter.

Eventually though, the windows lit up and at first everyone thought it was Joyce come back but then they heard Dio blaring from the vehicle and they knew it was definitely not Joyce. Tara went outside to meet Eddie, the air outside only slightly chillier than the house, plumes of smoke exiting behind her form.

“I see you guys started without me, it’s ok I brought extra provisions” he motioned to the bag of weed in his pocket and the beer in his hand. Eddie tucked his free arm into his pocket and tilted it towards Tara. With the high she was experiencing being full force she was more apt to be nice to him, and she took the elbow he extended.

“Didn’t think you were gonna come, Munson.” Her eyes were blissed out and a smile across her features, she led him into the house, showing him where to put his stuff before going to the makeshift game room that they’d thrown together for the festivities.

A low chuckle escaped his mouth and he leant down so only she could hear him “I’d never miss an opportunity to hang out with my favourite client, especially when she’s dressed like this” he spun her slowly so to not give her stomach a bad turn, she’d forgotten she’d put on a leather skirt and a lacy tank top with her army jacket, it wasn’t even intentional, at least not consciously anyways. The blush she experienced the prior afternoon returned. He was slowly breaking her when it came her to attitude that she’d come to have after idolizing Joan Jett, Eddie Munson, it was clear would be the death of her.

“Can it Eddie,” she told him laughing the whole time, “get your ass in there so I can beat you and Byers in a game.” He let her lead the way and Eddie was met with cheers, he set the beer down and laid out the weed for replenishment. Tara told Jonathan to go the table and set up a game for the three of you now that Robin and Vickie had vacated it, opting to sit in the living room and watch movies instead.

-

The game was progressing well, Tara was up by a couple points, ‘How Soon is Now’ was playing quietly, and she was swinging her hips to the beat, while she lined up her shot. Eddie was staring. Hard. Nancy was quietly talking to Jonathan something about wanting to go home so she could get some yearbook work in before Monday. Robin and Vickie were still in the living room. Jonathan told Tara and Eddie that he’d be back soon.

“Is this how you pictured your Saturday night, Munson? Hanging out with us listening to punk, playing pool?” She looked over her shoulder at him, a glazed look in her eyes but her mouth turned up in a smile, she’d never admit it but the air felt electric when it was just the two of them and the high made it better.

He grinned back “well, no, but I’m having fun and the view is amazing which is a bonus.” Eddie’d moved closer to her his hand next to hers on the pool table, his lanky frame towering over her smaller one, especially since she was slightly crouched from planning her next play.

Maybe it was the high, maybe it was the few beers she ingested but the room was hazy, and even though she knew people were in the room next to theirs, they felt immensely alone, and they were never alone in any capacity apart from her buying. She straightened and stood up, in the soft warm lights of lamps and with the smoke swirling around him, Eddie looked entirely different. Ethereal almost. Her eyes darting around his face as she took him in. He was far different from his school persona, and his dealer one as well. Softer, but maybe it was the weed.

Eddie on the other hand was only high, he had to drive home so he hadn’t been drinking but he too was focused intently on her face. Tara was so very different from everyone, even himself, a metalhead. But he knew a lot of it was a mix of rebellion and self expression. Her parents were overbearing and hyper religious. And he’d definitely knew there was a softer side to her that she didn’t show unless she was among friends or alone. In public, she was brash, loud. In private she was kind, funny and cared deeply for her friends no matter what they were going through.

Finally when the game was finished, and she’d rightfully so kicked his ass the two of them made their way to the living room, Robin and Vickie had fallen asleep on the couch leaving only the recliner to sit on. Neither of them had the heart to wake the sleeping couple, Eddie was quietly insisting on sitting on the floor and Tara had to interject, “uh, no, I’m not watching…” she looked over the VHS box that he’d tossed to the ground, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in this chair alone, get your denim clad ass up here.”

Shaking his head back and forth in a self argument way he eventually climbed into the seat of the chair and Tara settled half on his thigh and half on the arm of the chair, Eddie swiped his arm behind her and put her wholly in his lap. “Don’t need your ass cheek falling asleep mid-movie.”

The two of them sat in silence, save for a few squeaks or soft ewws when something really gross happened. One particular scene when the teen girl was strung up and Leatherface was coming at her with his chainsaw Tara tucked her head into Eddie’s neck and out of instinct, he pressed his mouth to the top of her head and made sure to tell her when it was over. Butterflies had erupted everywhere in her body at this gesture, she still didn’t know if it was friendly or more. It didn’t really matter at this point.

Instead of lifting her head, she slid it so her face was forward, the movie was almost over and Tara was getting sleepy, the amount of weed she’d smoked and the beer she drank starting to weigh heavy on her senses in earnest. Eyes sliding shut, she fell into a not very restful but deep sleep, Eddie sat awake the whole time until the movie ended and then he too fell asleep, Tara’s body warmth the perfect blanket.

-

Loud voices woke everyone in the living room early, Robin and Vickie disentangled and tossed Tara look, both had their eyebrows raised. The only person still seemingly asleep was Eddie, Tara tried to undo his grip but it was too tight.

“HEY! EDDIES’ VAN IS HERE! Eddie I need help with my character” a voice rocketed through the house as the door opened, it was a one Dustin Henderson, and Munsons eyes flew open.

“Shit. Just a second Henderson, lemme go tame the beast.” He moved to get off the recliner and forgot Tara was minorly tethered to him, pulling her forward and then the two of them collapsing into a pile, Robin cackling, wiping the leftover eyeliner and mascara from her face as the two of them disengaged their limbs. Tara flipped Robin off but laughed along with her, the situation was really funny, only now her ass was bruised from the fall.

She stumbled to the kitchen, eyes bleary with sleep still, “Yo, Jonathan, is there any coff..ee?” Only the person in the kitchen wasn’t her best friend, it was Joyce and Hopper at the kitchen table both sipping their own mugs of dark coffee.

“Jonathan is in his room, but there’s plenty of coffee, dear.” Mrs Byers gave Tara a soft smile and nodded towards the coffee pot. Pouring herself a cup she stretched and cracked her back, the position shed laid in all night had caused her back to be sore, but she was well rested, she did have a good pillow after all.

Hopper cleared his throat “so…how long have you and…” he gestured to where Eddie had gone to fix his hair “…been a thing?” Tara shook her head and explained that they were just friends. “Didn’t seem like just friends the way you were clinging to each other like your life depended on it.” he chuckled as Tara high tailed it out of the kitchen to the respite of the living room where she in turn was grilled for the entire time Eddie was outside talking to the kids about the campaign.

-

Tara took a few days off from everyone, she needed a clear head about what had happened between her and Eddie, did he really like her or was he just being nice to her because she buys weed from him? On the third day, her bedroom phone rang continuously for two hours, but instead she turned up her music and just kept thinking, focusing on the what ifs of a relationship that didn’t technically exist yet, if ever.

Eventually the room darkened as did the outside, her record player turned down low so her parents didn’t come up and confiscate it. “I really need to find my own place, I’m old enough, besides I hate this wall color…” her parents had painted it in ‘soft salmon’ what ever the fuck that meant and they wouldn’t ever allow her to change it.

“I dunno about you but I like it.” Came a voice from behind her, startling Tara and causing her to fall sideways off her bed. “Fuck, shit, are you ok??” It was Eddie he hauled ass through the rest of her window and around her bed to check on her.

“What the actual fuck are you doing in here?! Are you trying to get shot at?! My dad has a rifle in the goddamned linen closet.” Tara was pissed, but it was wavering as he held onto her hand and waist as he helped her to a standing position.

His brow furrowed, “you weren’t answering your phone and I got worried, that maybe something happened or that you were mad. They told me they kinda interrogated you after that morning and that was why you left.” He looked so mad for Tara and she couldn’t stay mad forever. She just kind of nodded and sat down.

“It was part of it, but also, I just needed space, to…think y’know?” His hair shook as he nodded and joined her on the bed. His hand taking hold of hers, letting her know he was there for her. “I’m confused about what happened or I guess didn’t happen and I got into my head about it.”

The two of them sat in the emptiness of sound for a bit, the record ending and dead air was the background noise for a bit, both of them thinking, Eddie was the one who broke the silence first, “look, Tara, I like you ok? And I got mad at them for being so nosy, it was none of their business.” He shuffled closer on the bed, holding onto her hand like a life preserver. His eyes searching hers. Hopeful.

Tara’s mouth was dry, but there was a moment when she thought she was going to throw up, but she knew nothing would come up. This was the moment she’d been waiting for forever. Through all the teasing from her friends, through 5 years of stares. “I like you two Eddie,” Tara’s face a shade of maroon, Eddie’s beaming, neither of them had expected this result. Tara expected to go off to college and have to find someone else to be with.

A few seconds passed, Eddie broke the silence, “so, are you going to kiss me?” His lips turned up in a wry smile. Tara shook her head and leaned forward, closing the gap between them. Pressing a kiss his his full lips, Eddie’s arms found a way around her waist and this felt like home. Her own hands found a way up to his mess of curls, but before they could go any further Jonathan’s voice called out from the door.

“Fina-fucking-lly.” Him and Robin had shut eating grins on their faces, they were beyond happy for their friend. But most importantly they didn’t have to listen to her pining over him in the mornings anymore.

“Shut it.” She retorted, a smile plastered on her face, Eddie’s hidden since he was distracted by her neck but she could feel a smile of his own on her skin.

1986, it turned out was their year.

PLEASE SUPPORT WRITERS ON TUMBLR BY COMMENTING, REBLOGGING AND LIKING; ITS HOW WE FIND NEW READERS!🖤

[impervicus]

if you’re hearing ALIEN BLUES by VUNDABAR playing, you have to know BRINLEY REED  (THEY/SHE; GENDER FLUID) is near by! the TWENTY FOUR year old BARTENDER has been in denver for, like, NINE YEARS. they’re known to be quite CYNICAL, but being WITTY seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble LIZETH SELENE. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those CHAIN SMOKING ON A RAINY NIGHT, A FLICKERING NEON SIGN, HOLES IN EVERYTHING YOU OWN BUT ON PURPOSE vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the MONTEBELLO DISTRICT long enough!

DEATH TW

THE BASICS:

full name: brinley sofia reed

birthdate, zodiac sign: november 17th / sagittarius

sexuality: lesbian

occupation: bartender at ambrosia lounge

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS: 

brinley’s father wasn’t around as much as they would’ve liked, but never in a deadbeat father sort of way. their father was a brave man who was fighting for their country, something that they had always admired and looked up to. he was around for a handful of christmases and birthdays, but their relationship with their father mainly revolved around phone calls and the occasional video call with dodgy quality that always left her wishing that she could see him in person. she rarely felt a sense of resentment towards him that he was never around, that’s how their dynamic had been as long as she could remember.

knowing their father was (hopefully) always going to come back to brinley was something that they had grown accustomed to. what they never really got the hang of was leaving the people they had grown close to over the years of traveling around with their father. leaving the first few times were hard but overtime, they had started to just get used to it. that’s how their life was, she wasn’t meant to get closer to people, a wanderer at heart. they kept their distance, at every new place that she had gone to, making sure that no one ever got too close. she was traveling the country, wasn’t that a cool perk to it all? they tried to view it as such, it was a good thing and not something that was holding them back from building sustainable relationships with people their own age.

after years of staying in one town for no more than a year, brinley was in for a surprise when she and her mother had gotten to denver. to them, it was just another destination they weren’t going to stay in for too long. their father was stationed at fort carson, about an hour away, and they did their usual thing like she did in every place. they never really spoke to anyone, mostly keeping to themselves. they said very few things about themselves during the mandatory introductions that every teacher has ever made her do, and she figured that was going to be it.

but then months went by, and they were still in denver - the last place they expected to still be in. not only were they still there, but she was actually making friends. sure, they had made acquaintances in other places, but she never really let them get any closer than that. but this place was different, she couldn’t help but want to be friends with the people that surrounded her. they seemed to be so welcoming and they wanted them around, which in turn made her want to be there. it was crazy that they were getting themselves caught up in it all.

from there, months quickly turned into a year without being moved. they didn’t even realize the time passage, they were having such a great time actually being able to connect with people. they were discovering things about themselves that they never even thought about before. she soon began to realize those feelings she should be having for boys, she was having for the girls around her instead. it was a strange thing to come to terms with, but they were working their way up to telling their parents about it all.

however, as soon as they got the courage to even think about doing it, their father was being deployed but this one felt different, and they couldn’t quite figure out why. brinley got their time to say goodbye to her father, hoping that it wasn’t going to be the last time she saw him. things were going so good, she couldn’t have jinxed herself out of it already.  he might have been halfway across the world, but they could still see each other, through the godsend that was skype and things would be just as they usually were. he always came back from deployments.

they talked a lot for the first few months, making plans for brinley’s upcoming birthday because he told them he was going to try his best to make his way back to her for it. they knew it wasn’t very likely, but it was really the thought that counted. of course, as it gotten closer, it was confirmed that he in fact wasn’t going to be able to make it back home which she understood, they always understood. but that brought an opportunity to finally come out to their father, something that she had been anxiously awaiting to do. it seemed like the perfect time, they were somehow closer than ever and she was sure he would be okay with it.

rhey stayed up until midnight, since the time difference would have made that a time where it would work for their father and still technically be their birthday where they were. there was a nervous excitement building up inside brinley, putting on a birthday hat that her father had sent her through the mail. it was tacky, of course. he ordered it online and got it sent to them but she loved it. an hour passed and there was no call, which was strange but they just figured he had gotten caught up, that happens sometimes. but then her mom was calling her out to the dining room which was weird, maybe there was a birthday cake - maybe he was there. like a viral video of soldiers returning home. brinley wouldn’t be that lucky though.

once they got into the kitchen, there was a somber look etched onto their mom’s facial features which wasn’t quite the type of tone that she expected on her daughter’s birthday. what came next felt made everything feel like it was going in slow motion, with the static noise you’d hear from a tv surrounding them. ‘i’m so sorry honey… but your father didn’t make it.’ those words played over and over again on repeat, like a song she couldn’t get out of her head. ‘your father didn’t make it’ this felt like a nightmare, it had to be a nightmare right? it was their birthday, surely there was no way this was real. their dad was going to be calling her anytime now. she had rushed back into her bedroom, turning on her laptop frantically and opening up skype, hoping that she had missed a call from her dad. but the only thing the screen read was: LAST CALL: 2 WEEKS AGO.

nothing was the same after that, they began to distance themself from those very same people that she had gotten so close to. she never celebrated her birthday (in fact, has never celebrated any of her birthdays since) they weren’t the right day for her anymore, they didn’t bring the happiness they once did. they were a stark reminder of one of the worst days of her life. however, one of the great things about making friends was that those very same friends were going to be there for you in exact times like this. it took some time, but with the help of her friends, they were able to get past what happened.

then it was time for graduation and she was given a choice: to run far away from denver and start a new life, or to stay with some of the people that they had gotten close too. of course, they would never actually admit that she stayed for the people she’d grown close to, but she chose to stay. despite her constantly leaving cities with her parents, with her father’s constantly changing schedules she was able to have stability and what more could she ask for?

so brinley got a job, a few jobs actually until she landed on one she truly liked: bartender. sure, most wouldn’t think of the gentlemen’s club as their dream job but brinley loved it, maybe because of the people that came through. though, they never really wanted to dig too deep into why that was. but even as the years go by, there’s still scars left over from the death of her father and the constant bouncing between city to city. as well adjusted as brinley liked to claim to be, they knew deep down they would never be well adjusted. not in the slightest.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS:

the one that got away - the one person that brinley finally opened herself up to in high school & then they moved away, reinforcing the idea that eventually , everyone does leave.

hookups , because that’s all brinley can really handle

a best friend she’s kept from high school, one of the first people she met upon coming to denver and helps her learn every day that the world isn’t all doom & gloom like she’s convinced it is

people who can party with them bc they are a partier by nature 

[doublegoblin]

9 people tag

Thanks again @gummybugg for the tag!

I'm going to do something a little different, as I've already answered this kind of thing before and I am a dull bitch who does not often change. I am going to answer for an OC from a WIP!

As for who I tag, I'll leave this mostly open for anyone but I'll specifically tag @asterhaze (I know I just tagged ya, but I'll do it again because like an elderly family member you have displayed an interest in something therefore I will hyperfocus on it to bring joy!) @tisiphonewolfe and @tailoroffates but other than that anyone can have fun!

I"ll be answering these for Rico from Abnormal Analytics, because he is an imaginary man who makes me smile.

[Hey thanks for reaching out to the Ric-meister! Despite being newer I appreciate the courage to try and get to know your coworkers lol! Now I'd hold off sending this to D or T, sticks in the muds they are lol! Maybe send this to V next? She's quite the social butterfly ( no pun intended) and well...between us, the other guys aren't the most chatty or personable or approachable or even the nicest!

Thanks again - Rico]

LAST SONG: So I was having a case of the Mondays, you know how it goes! So I had to put on the soundtrack to Tarzan, or should I say Phil Collins' greatest music video! He hasn't made much since the fire though...

Anyway! I was chair dancing in my little office to Stranger Like Me.

LAST MOVIE: I just introduced V to the wonders of Wes Anderson! Her and I sat down in the conference room (yes all signed out and everything it was great!) and watch Fantastic Mr.Fox. She had a hard time grasping the stop motion but I think next week I'll show her Nightmare Before Christmas.

CURRENTLY WATCHING: My life slowly trickle away like the grains in an hourglass...kidding! I'm actually in the process of processing and exporting the latest recovered data for [REDACTED]. In the debriefing/transcription circulation keep an eye out for when the [REDACTED]! Sooooo wild, shame about all the {REDACTED] though.

CURRENTLY READING: It's a bit of a comfort thing, but, as a grown adult man I am going back through the Goosebump books. You know they still hold up! I just finished this one where the boy turns into a dog. Maybe skip that one...

CURRENTLY CRAVING: My mother's cooking! It has been ages since I last had a bowl of her Broccoli Cheddar soup. If I can get in touch with her I'll see if she can't make extra for the crew. I swear once you taste her stuff you will NEVER buy from [EXPUNGED] again!

LAST THING YOU SEARCHED FOR WRITING PURPOSES: The life cycle of Varesus. Had to know if they really have this parental instinct or if that is still just a "theory" amongst biologists. I learned quite a lot about them! Did you know that [REDACTED]? Spine tingling!

[x-atlas-x]

ashjfajgdf

u've mentioned a mafia au a bunch of times now, and idk if you've talked about it before anywhere?

Is there anything about it that you can/want to share/ramble about?? I'd love to know! ❤️

…God, have I really mentioned it that much? UGH it's a project of mine that pisses me off and I have a love/hate relationship with it. Tsk tsk. If you want me to ramble, this is certainly how. (I'm sensing this is because you also have a mafia AU...)

ALRIGHT. It's a project that I've been working on for about 3 years? The first, original draft of it was unfortunately lost to the incident that was "Atlas's 200k document of Yugioh projects gets deleted and thrown into the abyss" which was not a personal decision. The stupid ass website that I was using for it got some update and I lost all of it plus another project I was working on.

I rewrote it and the first concept of it was not my proudest choice. Basically, Aknamkanon (Atem's father) led the Sennen mafia and Atem would be taking over eventually, while Yugi, on the other hand, was already the leader of the Muto mafia. It didn't really make sense and the ages were a little weird. He owned a club that Atem wandered into and boom, he kidnaps him to make a pact where they bring peace and end the rivalry between the two mafias. I still have the draft of it and I'm just not really happy with it.

As for the second/current concept, it's better? A lot of things stay the same except Solomon (Yugi's grandpa) is the leader of the Muto mafia and Aknamkanon is still the leader of the Sennen mafia and instead of Yugi owning a club, it's Yami (Yugi's cousin) owning a bar. Yugi and Atem are set up in an arranged marriage to create peace between the two mafias, but they're both fucking 16 when it happens. The two of them secretly plan to get a divorce behind everyone's backs when they turn 18. Things go south when Kaiba steps into the picture and- yeah, it turns into a mess after that cause I didn't really think it through. Mafia AUs are hard and you'd think I'd get better at it after writing it as many times as I have.

It's full of humor and pining between these two boys who are clueless about everything and are idiots about their feelings. There's a time skip where after being separated for a long time, they reunite with Atem standing on the other side of Yugi's gun. There's plenty of sexual tension between them, featuring Yami who literally wants to wring them by their necks for being such dumbasses.

I stopped working on it last summer because I ran into a wall and had a hard time figuring out where to go with it. I recently had an idea of where to go, but it's just so messy and I get really insecure about projects that I don't plan very well. Is it well written? Yes, but again, my planning process is to not have a planning process. Hence why I don't have many long projects on my account. I have a 113k fanfic (my longest project so far) with trans Atem, but that's never going to see the light of day because the exact same thing happened and- whoo boy, it's not fun.

I'd love to get it out there, but I'm just not sure if I can handle rewriting it for a 4th time and I'd need to give it a lot of thought in advance. This was also all set before I joined Tumblr or really started interacting with others within the Yugioh community, so my only encouragement/help was shaking my friends by the shoulders who didn't know what I was talking about. (I even have a Spotify playlist for it and everything!) Maybe I'll find the courage to fix it up, but I'm not sure.

But anyways, thanks for asking about it, it's really been a project that I've held close to me over the years and has shown how much I've grown since I started writing Yugioh fanfiction. :)

[papirouge]

Hii papirouge I hope your day has been well and that you have many more blessed days to come 🫶

I wanted to get into watching anime (I was looking into trying sailor moon and some studio Ghibli movies because those are popular) and wondered if you had any recommendations?

Also: I keep seeing the creepiness of modern anime (namely the pedophilia and other degeneracy) and am seriously wondering what happened between old school anime to now??? The old stuff seems much more normal and sane in comparison.

Hi baby🌞 this is such a lovely entrance djzkdksksk now you got me by the feelings so I'm going to try my best to answer even though I haven't watched anime since YEARS 🥴

There's this preconceived ideas that older anime (80s-90s) were less harmful than today's.... which is true to some extent (especially when it comes to female representation : don't you find interesting that WOMEN are absent from modern anime/manga? only teen or children..... which breeds a generation of pedophiles/men who can't cope with mature women. At least in the 80s we had Versailles no Bara, Cat's Eyes, City Hunter female characters, etc. The FEMME Fatale trope was thriving) but there was definitely toxic/creepy things even in old gen manga.

I grew up with Sailor Moon, and most of this stuff flew over my head back then, but for example Usagi daughter (Chibi Usagi) had a flirtatious relationship with her father. Little Light studio YouTube channel has a whole playlist of videos exposing the cursed messages in anime I linked one of their video in one of my post in the my #animewasamistake tag, and they go as far as the 90s (with Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, etc.) So it's not new

I like flexing over the fact that I never watched a Ghibli movie. Most adults obsessing over those movie scream emotional retardation syndrome. I feel the same about Disney fans too (both demographics overlap anyways). Ghibli movies are filled with paganism so I'm losing my mind whenever I see Christians worshipping them🙄

The Isekai genre is a whole escapist cope anyway (beside Ghibli movies, there's also Kimi no Na/Your Name that did a lot of waves a few years ago) It's only featuring kids or teenager through coming of age stories, and it baffles my head that grown adults are obsessing and identifying so hard over such thematics.

Adulting in Japan sucks, that's why most of their entertainment revolves around glorifying youth & childhood (and entertainment material for adult is often sex related), a time where they are still free of pressuring social expectations, have an entire future before them to create and fantasizing about parallel dimensions where we can fix everything.... but we don't need to bring this regressive copium in the West. I think anime culture is part of why so many adults act & sound retarded today. I'll get roasted for saying that, but people above 25 years old enthusiastically watching anime have something wrong with them.

Ultimately I wouldn't recommend you to watch anime bc there's an obvious (mental & emotional regressive) agenda in it.

The only safe and clever anime I can think of is Shōkōjo Sarah. I grew up watching it and it made the person I am today. It's really emotional and bittersweet (still an happy ending though !!) but watching it will really show you how much of a gap there is between today's anime. Shōkōjo Sarah tackles real stuff (death, abuse, poverty, bullying, social class injustice, etc.).

Anime stans would argue that nekketsu too explore great values (friendship/newfound familly, courage, perseverance, etc.) but all this positivity is overshadowed by all the trash around. Senseless fighting, violence, ABSOLUTE ABSENCE OF ADULTS, PARENTS OR PARENTAL AUTHORITY, female characters devoid of any personality beside having big breast and being a side buddy/love intereset of the main character (hence why most male anime fans have such a warped view of adult femaleness)..

Avoiding manga/anime written by males is already a great way to sort out shitty manga. But even female author are shoving mysticism (Fullmetal Alchemist), weird romantic dynamic in their material (I'll never forget CLAMP obsession to do child/adult couples in Cardcaptor Sakura) and unecessary (underage) female sexualization (let's not forget Kimetsu no Yaiba main character's 14 y.o sister having her breasts doubling size & popping out of her kimono whenever whatever demon who's possessing her comes out).... I feel like the anime/manga industry is so porny & scrotified that even female author go with the flow to get success.