#but it has ultimate winter energy for me

[peeweekey]

8:05 | SAM

word count: 3.2k

summary: sam’s ten heart event with a twist.

tags: winter, developing relationships, fluff, swearing, cuddling, hiding from his mother in his bed lol

a/n: this spiralled out of my control and into 3k words… enjoy!

it’s cold.

the fleece coat you’ve bundled yourself in cannot protect goosebumps from forming from the biting chill of the valley’s winter nights. your breaths come out in cloudy puffs of air, the heat slowly draining out of every exhale. it’s dark out, poorly spaced lampposts providing the bare minimum amount of light to navigate.

you got sam’s letter earlier, a clumsily written note that was stuffed haphazardly into your farm’s mailbox—the yellow lined paper he used, all crumpled and ripped.

meet me in front of my house! at 8 pm, i’ll be waiting. there’s something i want to tell you.

the ending sentence is somehow even more sloppily written compared to the ones before it. as if he was debating whether or not to add it in, but ultimately decided for it—it’s funny to imagine him hunched over his desk, stressing over what to write to you.

well, you won’t deny feeling excitement over the possibility of whatever sam has to say. if the subtle skip in your step is anything to go by.

you walk through the silent night of the town, it seems like everything’s frozen in place during the colder times of the year—everyone’s safe at home, toasty under their covers and you’d imagine thoroughly enjoying going to bed at 7 pm.

you do too, sometimes. there’s less to do when the ground is too frozen to plant any crop.

there’s a lot more free time out of the farm during the winter. you’ve really started integrating yourself with the townspeople—helping haley find her bracelet, befriending sam’s prickly coworker shane, and even discovering a shadowperson named Krobus in the town sewers. it really is starting to feel like home.

walking, you cut the corner passing by emily and haley’s house—and there he is.

he looks devastatingly handsome all dressed in winter clothing. his regular denim jacket switched out for a dark woolen coat, his pants are unripped and, surprisingly, not smeared with dirt.

though what you like most about his winter attire is his hair. those wild golden locks are laid flat under a woolen beanie—a stark difference from the spiked updo he usually does (though you like that one too). the tips of his hair are slightly curled upwards, revealing that family trait of curly hair.

you creep closer, just watching him wait for you—the way he folds his arms in an attempt to warm up, and the little shuffle he does on his feet. you laugh softly, he must’ve been waiting a while—just like you have for him.

sam turns at the sound of your laugh, his body unconsciously tilting towards you, like a magnet’s uncontrollable attracting to metal. “you made it,” he breathes, his nose, ears and cheeks pinkened by the cold.

you nod, unable to stop a bashful smile from forming on your lips. “i made it.”

a big grin splits his face, mimicking yours. underneath the lone lamplight he looks jaw-droppingly handsome. you feel yourself become warm just in proximity to him.

“i wanted to talk to you in private,” he says. sam’s buzzing with energy, surveying the dark streets before meeting your gaze with his. “it’s kinda cold out here though… i, um—i can sneak you into my room…”

your heart skips a beat, like you’ve skipped a step on a staircase. “what?” you croak.

your eyes catch onto him wringing his fingers, a nervous habit you can’t help but always notice (not because his hands are nice and interesting to look at, not at all).

“you don’t wanna?”

“no!” you inhale, trying to alleviate the twisting sensation in your gut. “i do wanna, ahem, lead the way.”

sam smiles at you, dimples and all. he leads you towards the tiny bedroom window in front of his house. the window is already open—you assume that’s where he jumped out of to meet you.

he climbs through the window with minimal effort, landing on the flooring with a dull thump!

you raise a brow. “have you done this before?”

sam stretches his hand out to you, waiting. his smile turnt sheepish. “i mean, i think we were all rebellious teenagers once.”

you resist the urge to snort—sam’s nervous, you can tell. he doesn’t have his quips and jokes tonight. and he’s shy, but eager. like a puppy, excited and curious about the world.

“o-kay,” you say, one hand in his hand the other set firmly on the windowsill. “make sure i don’t fall please.”

sam nods, eagerly. the curled ends of his hair shake along with the motion as he does.

how endearing.

you tighten your grip on his hand, hauling yourself through the small window, trying your damn best to not make any sudden noise. which is successful for the most part, only a tiny huff of exertion escapes you.

annoying, yes. but the chill of winter burns through any energy you have faster than other seasons.

your feet connect with the wood of his floor, hand still clasped in his and the chill merely at your back. it’s warm inside, with him.

his room is the same as it’s always been when you’d visit before—shelves, band equipment, posters—but the ambiance is different. a little more charged with tension so thick you could cut through it with a knife.

sam does not bother turning on his light, you don’t mind it all that much. but it takes some effort to avoid tumbling over stray objects that clutter his bedroom floor.

“look, I know I’ve been about nothing but the band for a while now…” he starts. “but I don’t want you to think that’s all i’m interested in.”

you chuckle, clasping your fingers behind your back. “it certainly takes up a big chunk of your interests.”

he pouts, literally pouts. it must be the love bug you caught because you think it’s just plain adorable. “i’m really trying over here!”

“sorry!” you grin, “okay, continue.”

“well, um… shoot, this is kinda hard, huh?” he forces an awkward chuckle. “and nerve-wrecking… but what i’m trying to say is…”

“i’m really happy that we’ve grown this close, and well…” sam looks at you, he’s stupidly red—the color spreading all over his face. “i—i’m just wondering, do you think of me as… just a friend?”

your breath stutters, and you feel yourself blushing before you can do anything to stop it. you stare at him as he does with you. the two of you locking eyes for a second, it feels like it’s just you and him in the world.

you feel your shy admittance at the tip of your tongue. no, you’d say, you’re more than that for me, if you want to be.

sam smiles at you, shy but so, so overwhelmingly bright—it’s blinding. your head is running a mile a minute when you finally get the courage—

“sam!” you hear jodi’s groggy voice from outside the door. your stomach drops with dread. “somebody’s at the door! go and check please?”

you lock eyes once again, this time for entirely different reasons, and with entirely different feelings.

“oh my god, sam,” you whisper hurriedly, panic gripping you. “your mom doesn’t know i’m here—what do we do—”

“hold on—” he replies, with the same sense of urgency as you. “okay, okay—i have a plan, just trust me, ‘kay?”

you think you might break out into a cold sweat. you look at him quizzically, “what?”

sam gives you an apologetic smile with that stupid beautiful face of his, he moves forward, grabbing you by your wrists, and moving you with him—towards his bed.

“sam!” you hiss, alarms are blaring in every corner of your mind as sam all but drags you under the toasty covers of his bed. he lifts the blanket and stations you by the edge, covering you in the blanket—which is now a lumpy mess.

this is his childhood bed you’re in, where his mother and brother are just by the door.

and his mother is calling him.

“i’ll get this over with quick,” he says to you, already heading towards the door of his room. “hang on tight, ‘kay?”

you breathe a sound of agreement, way too jittery to formulate any proper response as you quieten under the covers.

though the sheets do feel nice, and smells overwhelmingly of that specific cologne he uses (stolen from joja inventory, he told you once). you will yourself not to relax and melt into the sheets so fast. instead, you listen for each and every sound that may give hint to whatever the hell is happening.

there’s a commotion that you can hear happening, the door swings open, the hinges creaking along with it—this whole surreal experience feels a little like the confrontation part of a horror movie, the helpless victim hiding and the heavy footfalls of the killer.

though in your case, it’s not one set of footsteps, but two.

“what are you two doing here?”

“you’re the one who called us over, remember?” you can recognize the band’s shut-in pianist’s voice from anywhere. “you were all like, stop skipping practice, seb.”

sam’s voice is oddly pitchy when he responds. “…well, tonight’s no good!”

you hear the other person huff, you strain your ears harder to listen. the huffing person clearly fed up with the strange behavior sam’s putting out right now.

“my mom and vincent are asleep,” he adds hurriedly. “they’d wake up—”

you resist the urge to groan, stifling your mouth under a sweaty palm. jodie was just speaking to him minutes ago, there’s no way they’d buy that. he cannot be a more obvious liar.

thankfully they gloss over the fact. “sam, why are you acting so damn weird?” sebastian asks, straightforward as ever.

“yeah,” the other voice adds. feminine but strong. which you now identify as abigail’s, you hear a pinch of impatience in her voice. “and why are you red? did you sit outside in the snow or something—”

sam chokes, which he tries to conceal as an odd sounding cough. abigail pauses mid-sentence. the shift in the atmosphere is palpable. you screw your eyes shut, hearing the rapid rate of your heartbeat. it’s so loud you’re almost convinced the trio can hear the thumping from your hiding spot under the sheets. this is it, they’re going to discover you.

“oh, oh i see,” abigail grins. “on second thought, i wouldn't risk catching all those germs. i’m feeling starved, let’s hit the saloon, seb.”

the aforementioned man grumbles, seemingly puzzled by the sudden switch in abigail’s attitude. “huh… why?” abigail must have whispered something to him—you can barely hear over the muffle of sam’s blanket comforters. “ugh, alright. fine. you owe us one, sam.”

“oh, of course! mhm, yup,” you cringe at the immense awkwardness of sam’s response, feeling the overwhelming urge to pull out your own hair. “i’ll see you guys tomorrow, yeah? now shoo! wouldn’t wanna get you both sick or somethin’…”

“huh?” sebastian replies, rightfully puzzled as they’re forcefully pushed out of the room. “why would we see you tomorrow if you’re sick—”

“well seb,” abigail says smugly. “let’s just say sammy here is taking care of some important business—”

“okay, bye!” you hear the door click shut. to your utter bewilderment, sam shut the door in their faces.

the room is deathly quiet, the air is stagnant and stuffy. once you feel it safe enough, you crane your neck out of the blankets to check over him. to trace any lingering feeling the sudden visit might’ve given him. sam’s got his back rested against the wood of his door, his back slumped.

“i—i wasn’t expecting that,” you say quietly from your hiding spot on his bed. peeking the top half of your face, watching the door carefully. “kinda nerve-wracking.”

and embarrassing.

“i know—i’m sorry,” he sighs, rubbing his temples. “i didn’t expect them coming over.”

“sebastian said you invited them for practice, though.” you point out.

“maybe i did,” he admits, creeping closer to you on the bed, even if he’s guilty and embarrassed. “i totally forgot—i mean, i was really nervous! my mind blanks when i get nervous…”

sam stops right by the side of the bed, as if he’s waiting for your permission to get in with you—in his own bed. and to be perfectly honest, you really want him to.

“kinda ruined the atmosphere too,” he looks away from you, eyes downcast and melancholy. “i had this whole thing planned too, and i, just… ugh…”

your eyes soften. “sam, it’s really fine. okay, maybe a little shocking but you know it’s not enough to scare me away.”

he looks down at you, worried. his eyebrows are ever so slightly pinched—you wish you could run your fingers over it, and smooth it out yourself.

“plus,” you murmur, reaching over the small amount of space between the two of you to clasp his wrist. “i’m not just gonna leave… just tell me what you were going to say—before the… interruption.”

that gives you the final push to gather your courage to tug him into bed with you. sam follows, flopping onto the empty bedding next to you without a fight. for a moment, it’s just the two of you, side by side, slowly huddling closer and closer for warmth.

and sam is warm. he’s practically radiating comfy heat you wish to burrow into—or wrap yourself around. the perfect bed-partner for winter nights like these.

you find yourself becoming addicted to the feeling.

sam angles his body towards you. you on your back and him on his side, it feels intimate and special. and for some reason, it feels familiar—like you’ve always belonged by his side.

“i think you know already,” he tells you, his eyes are not clear in the dim light but you know, there are practically hearts in them. “that i like you.”

you giggle softly. “and i think you know the same about me.”

sam tentatively grasps your hand, the freezing fingertips thawing under his careful touch. the caress of his hand on yours sends tingling electricity down your spine, your whole body feels alert—alive.

he speaks again, but this time his tone is a whisper of what it usually is. “stay awhile?”

“yeah,” you swallow, squeezing his hand in your grip. a small smile on your lips. “yes, i want to.”

“good,” he smiles, his eyes crinkle at the edges so softly and the dimples on his cheeks deepen. there really is no one else who can compare for you. “hey, you’re really cold… let me warm you up?”

you turn to your side, facing him. at this angle, your faces are mere inches apart. you can trace every dip, line and curve of his face, and he yours. your hand tingles with the overwhelming urge to reach for him and squeeze.

“it is cold,” you agree. “i’d very much like that.”

“phew,” he softly sighs. sam drags his fingers up your arm, stopping at your elbow. wherever he touches, a whisper of him lingers on your skin—a bone deep imprint you yearn for him to spread all across your skin.

you roll into him with little to no effort at all. sam drags you to his chest, your ear perched right above his heart, you can hear the steady thump! of his heartbeat from underneath. sam winds his arms around you, intensifying the heat you feel by tenfold—it’s not uncomfortable at all, though. you like it.

your bodies fit perfectly together, just like puzzle pieces. a mess of limbs tangling together. the warmth of him making you shudder in honey-like delight. it feels syrupy and soft and warm wrapped in his arms.

his hand at your back travels downwards, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake you feel even through the thickness of the fabric separating the skin of your back and his fingertips. his hands feel rough and calloused at the small of your back—from playing guitar and his skateboarding incidents—but you enjoy the feeling.

you trail your fingers under the thick fabric of his jacket and shirt, feeling the smooth skin underneath—the action has no deeper meaning than you wanting to feel.

sam’s uncharacteristically quiet. his breaths are slow and long, like he’s on the verge of sleep. yet his arms are wound tight around you—like he never wants to let go of you. your nerves make you feel like a slow simmering soup. warm and slowly cooking over the fire.

you two stay entangled for a while, in comfortable silence. sometime during the night you’ve matched your breathing to his, and he pulled you somehow even closer to his body.

but, a thump comes from his window, a light tapping sound. soft but persistent. the two of you opt to ignore it, in favor of snuggling closer to each other. yet the taps continue, and become louder and faster.

disrupted by the noise, sam mournfully throws the covers from over him to check, untangling himself from your grip. leaving a very him-shaped indent on the bed left in his wake. you groan, sticking your bottom lip out, you miss the warmth of him already.

“oh shit.”

the expletive makes you sit up in his bed, the comforter draping off your middle. you can make out the shape of him even with the dimness of the light—sam’s back is towards you, and if your eyes dare deceive you, he looks like he’s shrinking into himself a tiny bit.

“what is it?” you whisper-shout to him.

he slowly turns to you, wide eyed, his shoulders stiff. sort of resembling a kicked-dog. sam bows down his head—with what you think is shame, for what reason, you can’t tell. rubbing your eyes of sleep, you furrow your brow, craning your neck to look out the window behind him.

abigail and sebastian are there, waving wildly at you. your eyes widen. abigail and sebastian are waving at you with smug smiles plastered on their faces.

your stomach drops for the umpteenth time that night. you honestly feel too horrified to speak.

you bury yourself under the sheets, a feeble attempt to conceal your mortification. so that’s why abigail was playing along with sam’s urgent ramblings—she knew (not that sam was any good at keeping a cool facade, he is totally incapable of lying smoothly). you groan, you feel like a rebellious teenager again, only the part where you get caught and utterly humiliated.

outside, you can hear the loud roaring laughter of the duo through the glass, alongside the awkward, embarrassed chatter of your newly-minted boyfriend. (not technically official, but the title succeeds to relieve your horror by the tiniest bit)

still, you stay put. through the mortification and embarrassment you still stick yourself to sam’s side, or more literally, on his bed—because you know, there’s no other place you’d rather be.

you spare another glance out of the covers at the trio—to your surprise, sam’s beat you to it. looking at you with heart eyes and the most lovesick expression (you’re pretty sure yours looks the same).

you know there’s going to be a lot more explaining to do in the morning. but it doesn’t matter to you, not right now when you’re in sam’s bed on the verge of sleep.

not when you feel so warm.

a/n: shoutout to the ass trio for making an appearance in the fic! i love you abby and seb.

[dandelionsresilience]

Good News - August 15-21

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my new(ly repurposed) Patreon!

1. Smart hives and dancing robot bees could boost sustainable beekeeping

“[Researchers] developed a digital comb—a thin circuit board equipped with various sensors around which bees build their combs. Several of these in each hive can then transmit data to researchers, providing real-time monitoring. [… Digital comb] can [also] be activated to heat up certain parts of a beehive […] to keep the bees warm during the winter[…. N]ot only have [honeybee] colonies reacted positively, but swarm intelligence responds to the temperature changes by reducing the bees' own heat production, helping them save energy.”

2. Babirusa pigs born at London Zoo for first time

“Thanks to their gnarly tusks […] and hairless bodies, the pigs are often called "rat pigs" or "demon pigs” in their native Indonesia[….] “[The piglets] are already looking really strong and have so much energy - scampering around their home and chasing each other - it’s a joy to watch. They’re quite easy to tell apart thanks to their individual hair styles - one has a head of fuzzy red hair, while its sibling has a tuft of dark brown hair.””

3. 6,000 sheep will soon be grazing on 10,000 acres of Texas solar fields

“The animals are more efficient than lawn mowers, since they can get into the nooks and crannies under panel arrays[….] Mowing is also more likely to kick up rocks or other debris, damaging panels that then must be repaired, adding to costs. Agrivoltaics projects involving sheep have been shown to improve the quality of the soil, since their manure is a natural fertilizer. […] Using sheep instead of mowers also cuts down on fossil fuel use, while allowing native plants to mature and bloom.”

4. Florida is building the world's largest environmental restoration project

“Florida is embarking on an ambitious ecological restoration project in the Everglades: building a reservoir large enough to secure the state's water supply. […] As well as protecting the drinking water of South Floridians, the reservoir is also intended to dramatically reduce the algae-causing discharges that have previously shut down beaches and caused mass fish die-offs.”

5. The Right to Repair Movement Continues to Accelerate

“Consumers can now demand that manufacturers repair products [including mobile phones….] The liability period for product defects is extended by 12 months after repair, incentivising repairs over replacements. [… M]anufacturers may need to redesign products for easier disassembly, repair, and durability. This could include adopting modular designs, standardizing parts, and developing diagnostic tools for assessing the health of a particular product. In the long run, this could ultimately bring down both manufacturing and repair costs.”

6. Federal Judge Rules Trans Teen Can Play Soccer Just In Time For Her To Attend First Practice

“Today, standing in front of a courtroom, attorneys for Parker Tirrell and Iris Turmelle, two transgender girls, won an emergency temporary restraining order allowing Tirrell to continue playing soccer with her friends. […] Tirrell joined her soccer team last year and received full support from her teammates, who, according to the filing, are her biggest source of emotional support and acceptance.”

7. Pilot study uses recycled glass to grow plants for salsa ingredients

“"We're trying to reduce landfill waste at the same time as growing edible vegetables," says Andrea Quezada, a chemistry graduate student[….] Early results suggest that the plants grown in recyclable glass have faster growth rates and retain more water compared to those grown in 100% traditional soil. [… T]he pots that included any amount of recyclable glass [also] didn't have any fungal growth.”

8. Feds announce funding push for ropeless fishing gear that spares rare whales

“Federal fishing managers are promoting the use of ropeless gear in the lobster and crab fishing industries because of the plight of North Atlantic right whales. [��] Lobster fishing is typically performed with traps on the ocean bottom that are connected to the surface via a vertical line. In ropeless fishing methods, fishermen use systems such an inflatable lift bag that brings the trap to the surface.”

9. Solar farms can benefit nature and boost biodiversity. Here’s how

“[… M]anaging solar farms as wildflower meadows can benefit bumblebee foraging and nesting, while larger solar farms can increase pollinator densities in surrounding landscapes[….] Solar farms have been found to boost the diversity and abundance of certain plants, invertebrates and birds, compared to that on farmland, if solar panels are integrated with vegetation, even in urban areas.”

10. National Wildlife Federation Forms Tribal Advisory Council to Guide Conservation Initiatives, Partnerships

“The council will provide expertise and consultation related to respecting Indigenous Knowledges; wildlife and natural resources; Indian law and policy; Free, Prior and Informed Consent[… as well as] help ensure the Federation’s actions honor and respect the experiences and sovereignty of Indigenous partners.”

August 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[pastacrylic]

✨ ok muffins and i have decided to come clean somewhat about the two main fronters at least these days

first off: hi im summer rain but you can call me just rain. im a changeling, sometimes take on a unicorn form cuz my special talent is magic.

you can probably easily recognize my posts bc i never capitalize stuff and i dont usually use punctuation

🫧 Then, hi! I'm Muffins. Real name Winter Snow, but Muffins works just fine. Bubbles also works. Just PLEASE NEVER CALL ME DITZY OR DERPY. It's all I ask. I generally prefer proper capitalization and stuff when I type :3

I am NOT kinning! I'm an introject. I'm quite literally Muffins, that's how it works. I don't think I have the energy to explain how introjecting works here, so I'll let y'all do your research ^^

✨our system has like. idk at least 50 members. but i dont think yall will ever rly see most of em here unless otherwise specified

lately bubblebutt and i have been the main creatures in charge so yea

🫧 Ultimately this doesn't change anything at all for most of y'all since we will very much remain strangers, but it just feels nice for us to be able to refer to ourselves with out proper names publicly :)

[coryosmin]

Feel Better - Coryo x GN!Reader

Coryo x GN!reader

warnings: sick coriolanus, reader taking care of coriolanus, no nsfw, ooc coriolanus probably, reader notices that coriolanus has an itty bitty cold and they just want to be there for him. oh and reader and coriolanus are best friends with romantic feelings for one another. this is definitely fluff.

AN: there’s just something about vulnerable Coriolanus Snow that just makes me swoon. All terms in here should lead to a gender neutral reader but if there’s any indicators I might’ve accidentally put otherwise, please let me know! Sometimes I make mistakes and miss them 😭😭

2,000 words

Coriolanus had woken up feeling groggy. His throat was parched, his nose was a bit stuffy, and his head hurt a little bit. He didn’t think too much of it. The apartment, being so old, was prone to giving Coriolanus allergies. He was probably experiencing post-nasal drip from the dust and mold. He sit up in bed, clearing his throat. With his head hurting, he forced himself to get out of bed, grab his clothes, and head to the shower. A hot shower should help clear things up, right?

Wrong.

It didn’t help. It gave a sense of relief while in the shower but as soon as he finished and got himself dressed, he was back to feeling all groggy. Coriolanus looked at himself in the mirror, noticing the paleness in his face and the small circles under his eyes. He rolled his eyes to himself. Of course he just had to get sick. Coriolanus has a cold. It’s no surprise really. He should’ve seen it coming.

It was winter and many students at the Academy had been getting sick lately. Livia Cardew had been sneezing and coughing all day yesterday without even having the decency to cover her mouth and nose while doing so. Begrudgingly, Coriolanus walked out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom to put his socks and shoes on, grabbing his satchel as well.

Even if he wasn’t feeling well, he had to go to school. How could he land on top if he missed a day? It would be no good for him and his future plans to be the President.

Coriolanus walked out to the main room, the cabbage soup already boiling on the stove. Tigris was standing there, sipping a cup of tea as she waited for the soup to finish. She looked up at Coriolanus, seeing his pale complexion and the bags under his eyes. “Oh, Coryo,” Tigris said, placing her tea down. “You look ill.” She said, walking over to him. She felt his cheeks and forehead, pursing her lips. “No fever though.”

“I’m fine,” Coriolanus muttered, his voice certainly hoarse. It hurt a bit to talk.

“Are you sure?” Tigris asked, concerned for her cousin. She walked back into the kitchen, pouring some warm tea for Coriolanus. She handed him the mug. “Drink.”

Coriolanus grabbed the tea cup, taking a sip. It definitely helped to soothe his throat. But it was just regular black tea which ultimately, he knew, didn’t help sore throats at all. “I can rest when I get home from school,” Coriolanus replied, looking at Tigris. “I’ll be fine.” He gave a small smile to soothe Tigris’ worries.

“If you say so, Coryo.” Tigris replied, serving Coriolanus a bowl of cabbage soup.

Coriolanus began to eat the soup, though he didn’t have much of an appetite. He forced himself to eat it because something is better than nothing and if he were to survive the day, he needs as much energy as possible. He ate as much as he could stomach before stopping. He drank the rest of his tea before standing up. “I’ll see you later, Tigris.” He said, getting ready to head out the door.

“Take care of yourself, Coryo. If you start to feel worse, please come home and rest.” Tigris said, looking at her cousin.

And with a simple nod, Coriolanus left the apartment and began his walk to school in the cold weather. He sniffled as he walked to the Academy, the cold temperature making his nose run.

Coriolanus arrived at the Academy, seeking refuge in the warm building. The cold helped to at least clear his head from the fogginess. As Coriolanus walked through the hallway to get to his class, he felt someone take hold of his arm, interlocking it with theirs. He looked down to see you with a smile on your face.

“Good morning,” You greeted, looking at at Coriolanus.

“Morning,” Came the sound of his voice, hoarse and stuffy.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at Coriolanus, stopping in your tracks with him. Though you didn’t remove your arm from his. “Are you feeling okay?” You asked softly, looking up into Coriolanus’ blue eyes. You could see the bags under his eyes and the more pale complexion that was outside of his normal pale complexion.

Coriolanus simply nodded his head. “It’s just a stupid cold,” He said, reassuring his friend. “It’ll go away quickly.”

You hummed in response. “Just don’t overwork yourself, Coryo.”

The two of them walked to class together, sitting down at their desks.

As the day went on, Coryo’s symptoms got worse. Coriolanus tried his hardest to pay attention in his classes. The fogginess from this morning was coming back and he began to feel hot but cold at the same time. His throat was hurting more than it had been earlier. He sniffled every few minutes. He even began to develop a small cough! Which unlike Livia Cardew, he covered because he actually had the decency to try not to spread his germs. He was even going to the bathroom frequently to wash his hands, thank you very much.

And as he tried to get through the day, you noticed how bad he was starting to feel. By lunch time, Coriolanus had grabbed his food and sat down. But hardly had the appetite to eat it. And usually, Coriolanus would munch down his food immediately. You sighed to yourself as you looked at your friend. You cared about him a lot and didn’t like seeing him so ill. He used to get colds a lot when the two of you were kids and it was always you who would take care of him as you had the financial means to do so.

“Coryo,” came the soft tone of your voice as you put a hand on his shoulder. “Perhaps it’s time you go home and rest?”

Coriolanus shook his head no in stubbornness. “I’m fine, Y/N. Please don’t fret about me.” His voice was so hoarse and he sounded so nasally, you couldn’t help but pout in sympathy. “Just trying to get through the day.”

“Sleeping would help.” You said, rubbing his shoulder soothingly. Your other hand moved to his face, feeling his forehead. “You’re burning up, sweetheart.”

Coriolanus leaned into your touch, the coolness of your hand providing a relief that he didn’t realize he needed. “I don’t want to go home though.” He said softly, closing his eyes for a moment.

You gave a small smile. “Then let me bring you to mine.” You replied in the same tone. “I’ll take care of you.”

And with that, Coriolanus couldn’t deny you. He knew he couldn’t focus on anything else. His body was on fire while also being so cold. He felt miserable and wanted nothing more than to sleep. “Okay,” He agreed, opening his eyes to look at you. “You’re probably going to get sick though too.”

“And I’ll have you to take care of me.” You smiled, looking at Coriolanus.

So, the two of you left the Academy early. You had told Sejanus to let the professors know that you had taken Coriolanus home due to him not feeling well. You and Coriolanus arrived to your high end apartment after a bit of walking. Coriolanus looked as miserable as he felt. As you walked into the apartment, you were grateful that your father was working and your mom was out and about.

Coriolanus took his shoes off at the entrance, just as he usually does. You did as well. “Go lay down in my bed. You need to rest.” You said softly, looking at Coriolanus. He simply nodded and didn’t say anything else, walking to your bedroom. He took his uniform jacket off before crawling into your bed, covering himself with your lush blankets. Your bed was so soft and welcoming. Coriolanus couldn’t help but sigh in contentment as he closed his eyes and eventually, sleep consumed him.

Coriolanus awoke awhile later, still feeling relatively the same. Except when he awoke, you were sat right next to him with a cold cloth on his forehead. You smiled as you saw his blue eyes open. “Hey.” You said, smiling. “I had one of the maids make you some chicken noodle soup.” You spoke in a soft tone. “Would you like some?”

Coriolanus gave a small smile, unable to help himself. He nodded his head slightly, sitting up in the bed. The maid walked over, placing a tray in Coriolanus’ lap. He looked at the soup, remembering the times when you and him were kids and that time the both of you got sick. Your mother decided to take it upon herself to take care of both you and Coriolanus, ensuring that you both got the nutrients and medications necessary. Chicken noodle soup had become one of his favorite things because whenever he saw it, he thought of you.

“Thank you.” He whispered to you before eating the soup. He relished in the taste as he hadn’t had it in a long awhile. Coriolanus couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten sick like this. It must’ve been years ago. Really only four years but who’s counting? So yeah, Coriolanus might’ve actually been counting. But to be fair, it’s really good soup.

You simply smiled as you grabbed the cold cloth off of his forehead. “You’re welcome, Coryo.” You whispered back. You leaned in, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Coriolanus couldn’t help the burning in his cheeks. He was grateful that his cheeks were already flushed from the fever otherwise, it definitely would’ve been obvious that he was blushing. He cleared his throat and continued to eat the soup.

When he finished eating, you reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a glass of water and some pills for Coriolanus. “Here. A fever reducer and some anti congestion medication.” You said, smiling softly at Coriolanus. “It’ll definitely help relieve some symptoms.”

Coriolanus grabbed the glass of water and took the pills, swallowing them before drinking the water. He handed the glass back to you. The maid came back to grab the tray from Coriolanus’ lap. “Now lay down, Coryo. Get some more rest. I’ll let my mom know when she gets home that you’ll be spending the night.”

“Will she be okay with it?” Coriolanus asked.

You simply smiled and nodded your head. “Of course, sweetheart.” That nickname always made Coriolanus’ heart flutter. “You know she cares about you as much as she cares for me.”

And with that, Coriolanus smiled a small smile before laying back down. “Stay with me?” He asked, getting himself comfortable.

You nodded your head. “Always, Coryo.” You whispered to him, your e/c eyes looking into his blue orbs.

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours and holding it to his chest before closing his eyes. He was laying on his side, facing you. He was almost asleep when he heard, “I love you, Coryo. I hope you feel better soon.” Your tone had been so quiet and soft, as though you didn’t want to disturb him. And Coryo couldn’t help the small curl of his lips as he drifted off to sleep again.

So, maybe getting sick wasnt so bad. Especially because he had you to take care of him.

And a few days later when he felt much better and you had come down with a cold? He stayed with you at your house to help take care of you. Because Coriolanus loves you too.

[dreamii-yume]

(Pretends that I haven’t been gone for over 8 months)

It is time to eat! 🗣🔥 I have returned! …And what did I miss? 🫡 Not much? Okay, that’s good lol

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Toge Inumaki (Jujutsu Kaisen)

♥︎ Warnings ♥︎ Yandere | Non-Con/Dub-Con | Referring to Inumaki by His Last Name | Usage of “Senpai” Because I Don’t Know How to Translate Honorifics | Aged-Up Characters | Hurt/(No)Comfort | But It Ended Up Hurting Anyways | Female-Insert Reader | Cheating | NTR | Corruption Kink | A Subtle From of Mindbreak(?) | AU Where Shibuya Incident Never Happened | Reader is kinda menhera herself tbh

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

“I’m sorry for not being there to accompany you with your mission, Inumaki-senpai.” Gentle hands ran down his somewhat swollen cheek, before the cold, yet delicate texture of a gauze replaces it and eases the sting. “Dr. Ieiri needed me for something, and it was a priority mission, so…”

“Salmon Roe.” Toge Inumaki replied, almost immediately—Holding out his hand to cut you off as if he already knew that you were about to go on a tangent. For the inexperienced, conversation without words are something of an impossible feat, but for the years that he was mentoring you, Inumaki has gotten confident of your understanding skills. It’s kind of learning process that most of his friends developed overtime, so he’s never worried that both of you would have some form of miscommunication anytime soon.

With that said, you sighed in relief at his innocent gesture. “…Alright, then please allow me to at least use my curse technique on you.” You suggested, but the moment Inumaki felt your cursed energy spiked in an incredible amount, he knew he didn’t have a choice anyway. Not only because it was your job, but he never planned to refuse your technique if you give him a chance to experience it. Just from this close distance alone, he could practically melt at the feeling—Like a warm fire in a winter night, gently embracing his body in a comforting manner.

“…Salmon.”

Rejuvenation as they call it…An innate cursed technique that you’ve developed while you were studying with him at Jujutsu Tokyo High. It’s not much when it comes to combat, since its only special feature is, as the name suggest, rejuvenation—The power to replenish the user’s body of lost cursed energy, and ultimately cutting back whatever physical consequences of the user’s cursed technique is. It was a shame that by Jujutsu regulations, it was considered a “cursed” technique like everyone else’s when in truth, it can very well be compared to a blessing in disguise for people like him.

Call it a senior’s pride or something like that, but Inumaki thoroughly believed that you’ve naturally developed a technique that he can greatly appreciate because he was the one who raised you better as a sorcerer than your own teacher ever did.

To think that you were but an ordinary civilian when you came in here felt like a fever dream. No relations to curses, sorcerers, or anything—Just a rare case of a normal person possessing a higher cursed energy than most people that they were able to see curses from a very young age. You were a chick fresh out of the egg when you arrived, an outsider to the world of Jujutsu, and Inumaki back then just found himself teaching you on a whim.

He loves watching you use your curse technique a lot more than he could ever admit—The control you have on your breathing, heart rate, and flow of curse energy was spectacular. You always make sure that you won’t hurt yourself in the process by giving too much, but at the same time, you knew exactly how much a current person needs for a complete rejuvenation. His favorite part had always been when you’re done, the way your eyes would snap back into your normal cheerful self after being in a trance like nothing happened. It never fails to make him smile.

”…Well, do you feel a lot better? Is there anything else I could help you with?” Your voice quickly got Inumaki back on high alert as he was in a trance himself. He just couldn’t help it sometimes; he could feel your cursed energy flowing in him in just the right amount that it was way too comfortable to just ignore.

Inumaki tilts his neck in a snap, feeling a satisfying crack from each side before giving you a thumbs up. “Pollock Roe.” He said with confidence to mask the embarrassment he feels inside. He would never say it straight to your face, but as someone who receives this treatment from you a lot, it’s not much of an exaggeration to say that he was addicted to the feeling. He’s a bit…sensitive on how you will react to this information, so he’ll keep it to himself for now.

“Well, that’s great then~!” You said, as he felt your observant eyes on him again—Constantly looking for any injury you might’ve missed, but your work was as flawless as ever. “At this point, please just get plenty of rest as always. If you notice anything else that feels wrong, please refer to Dr. Ieiri as soon as possible.”

Inumaki couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the way you speak during work mode, it’s professional but it just wasn’t the normal cheeky junior he knew. So, with a mischievous look on his face, Inumaki pulled on your cheek slightly with judging eyes. “Mustard Leaf~?” He teased as you flinched at the contact.

“Ow, ow!” You exclaimed, yelping like a kicked animal until Inumaki let go eventually. In an instant, you pouted and rubbed on your slightly reddened cheek. “W-What was that for, seriously…!?”

Inumaki only pointed at you nonchalantly with two fingers. “Tuna, Tuna.” He stuck out his tongue which only puts an irritated vein on your forehead—But somehow, you knew what he was trying to say.

Instead of snapping like how you originally planned, you sighed. “I know, I know…” You said, eventually smiling in defeat. “But it’s work, you know? I have to be prim and proper when it comes to work.”

Inumaki hummed, eyes glancing to the side as if he hadn’t learned his lessons at all—In fact, he just wanted to catch your attention, that’s all. “…And you should be careful around your own work too!” Then came in you scolding him in the end. “Please stop rupturing your vocal cords every time you go on missions! I am not treating you next time, do you hear!?”

“Salmon Roe~” He heard what you said, but it was like the words go through one ear and escaped to the other—He didn’t have any intention of listening to your advice at all. If rupturing his vocal cords was the minimum requirement to come visit you again, then so be it…Besides, he knows you’re lying anyways. He just can’t see you refusing service to anyone who’s in need of help, what more of it if it was him?

“Ugh, why do I feel like you’re not taking me seriously at all…?” You grumbled under your breath but ending up shaking your head anyways. Eventually though, you smiled in a silly manner, just what Inumaki was hoping for. “No, whatever…Just have a good day, Senpai.”

Hearing that, Inumaki finally gave you his famous close-eyed smile to show his excitement. “Salmon~!” He replied enthusiastically after seeing that familiar attitude of yours for the day and quickly pat your head. You giggled as he hopped off the bed, raising his hand slightly to wave at you as he headed out for the door. “…Kelp.”

With one last smile, you waved back at him before going back to your desk, probably checking for the mission you’re assigned to next.

Honestly, for someone who came from humble beginnings, you were making quite the name for yourself as a sorcerer in the Jujutsu world. Non-combatant cursed techniques are rare as it is, and for someone to have one that defies the very definition of a curse and turning it into something of a blessing—It’s no wonder you are highly valued by the higher-ups. It’s hard to imagine that just a few years ago, you were someone relatively unknown and though you did had some help from the teachers like all other students, you still had to teach yourself on how to differentiate between what is a curse and what is not.

Regardless, Inumaki can freely shrug about it now—He was glad you developed a technique that was beneficial to him, and that’s all it matters. You were good friends, on top of being senior and junior back in school, so your relationship with him was undoubtedly better than the rest. Maybe he’s a bit boastful about it, because who wouldn’t want to come home from a long and exhausting mission, only to lay down and be doted on by your cursed technique?

The feeling of a sore throat has been something of a wild fantasy to him ever since you mastered your craft, so what else was there to complain about?

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Continue the Hornii?

This Sinfic was in one of my WIPs folder (Yes, I have a folder full of unfinished Sinfics and ideas ☠️ I’m a loser) and I had to travel back to the memory lane on what kind of plot I was trying to cook 8 months ago 😭

I think my goal was to write a  Sinfic is that proves that dialogue is not at all needed when it comes to fucked-up love ♥︎

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage January 2024 Issue Kamen Rider THE WINTER MOVIE: Gotchard & Geats Gotchard Main Cast Interviews (translations below)

Publication: December 8, 2023

Clear it! The strongest Chemy catching game!!

In order to seal the 101 Chemies released into this world onto cards, Houtarou Ichinose (Kamen Rider Gotchard) searches for Chemies every day with his friends from the Alchemy Academy. One day, he meets Ace Ukiyo (Kamen Rider Geats) fighting against some Jyamato monsters. Behind the scenes is Chemy X Wizard, a level number 10 supreme wizard.

Kamen Rider's Winter film will be released again this year, featuring a dream collaboration of Kamen Riders from different series. The main highlight includes Houtarou and other Gotchard members, and Ace and other Geats members being divided into teams to take on the ultimate Chemy catching game. It's the unique charm of this work that features the familiar search for Chemies from Gotchard, and the characteristics of Geats, where Kamen Riders do challenging games, which have been "combined!" The dialogue between the characters of Gotchard and Geats that you can't normally see on TV is a must see!

The presence of Geats Chemy, who looks exactly like Kamen Rider Geats, is also a point of interest. Centering around X Wizard and Geats Chemy, the drama between humans and Chemies, which is the real appeal of Gotchard, is depicted on a scale that only a film can provide. What will the encounter with the new Chemy and Ace and his group bring to Houtarou and his friends?

Junsei Motojima (Houtarou) x Reiyo Matsumoto (Rinne) Fujibayashi Yasunari (Spanner) x Abe Oto (Renge) Rikiya Tomizono (Sabimaru) x Kumaki Rikuto (Minato)

"Double" the expected chemistry!

-Is Spanner, a mood maker, the complete opposite of the person playing the role?-

"The first quarter has passed since the broadcast started, what has the response been?"

Motojima: I feel that the number of messages of support have gradually increased. At talk events, there were those who would say to me, "I'm cheering for you," and those who brought support fans (uchiwa), and I think I'm starting to actually realize it myself. It makes me incredibly happy.

Matsumoto: I have the feeling that I'm gradually getting used to being on set. I'm now trying to expand my range of acting by taking on new challenges every day, and reviewing my own performance to see how I can improve it.

Fujibayashi: As the story progresses, there'll be more scenes that delve deeper into each character's individuality. My desire to see the stories we've filmed, including this film, as soon as possible has become stronger since the broadcast started.

Abe: Up until now, I haven't appeared regularly in dramas, so I was really happy, and when I heard a kid next to me on the train talking about Gotchard, I thought, "What a great response!"

Fujibayashi: Did they realize that you were Renge?

Abe: I don't think they noticed (laughs). I'll do my best to get them to notice!

Tomizono: At first, when I played the role I thought, "Who is Sabimaru…" But, as he interacts with Houtarou and the others, I gradually felt that I was building up my own image of Sabimaru's character. I'd like to carefully build up Sabimaru's growth in the future, and I want to do my best to make tablets more popular (laughs).

Kumaki: It seems that there are events at kindergartens and other places where they hand out Gotchard cards, and my friends send me pictures of their children receiving the cards. When I see this, I realize that I'm creating these children's dreams, and that joy is my driving force.

"For the photo shoot, we got the impression that Fujibayashi-san was at the center, and that everyone else had a relaxed mood, but is Fujibayashi-san also "in charge" of things on set?"

Fujibayashi: No, I don't think that's the case.

Tomizono: He's got so much energy, and I feel like he raises everyone's spirits.

Abe: That's for sure!

Motojima: Even when we greet each other at 5 a.m., I can't believe how energetic he is.

Kumaki: It's so early in the morning that everyone else isn't fully awake yet.

Fujibayashi: Lately, I've been paying attention to everyone's mood and greeting them in a calmer manner.

Everyone: (laughs).

Kumaki: You've become an adult, huh?

Fujibayashi: I've become an adult (laughs).

Motojima: But, when we're filming early in the morning, having Yasu-kun (Fujibayashi) around makes me feel more energetic.

-Appearing together with Geats, filming was peaceful from start to finish-

"In this work, Houtarou and his friends split into teams together with the members of Kamen Rider Geats to take on the ultimate Chemy catching game."

Motojima: It's interesting that we're teamed up with those who have similar personalities. Houtarou and Tycoon, Rinne and Geats, Spanner and Buffa. I think that because of our similarities, we can relate to each other, and there's some good "chemical reactions."

Matsumoto: I've been working with Kan Hideyoshi-san for a long time, and I was trying to take in things from Kan-san's acting that I could apply to Rinne. Also, Houtarou falling into a trap so fast was so funny, that I laughed during the test takes (laugh).

Motojima: When I read the script, I thought to myself, "That's just like Houtarou….." (laughs). I thought it was charming because he has a childlike quality that's different from the Houtarou in the TV show.

Abe: When we were filming, I remember that it was very windy (laughs).

Tomizono: The sandy beach scene of our capture game was the first scene filmed of the movie. The wind was strong and it was raining quite abit. Furthermore, Na-Go Chemy gets covered in seaweed (laughs).

Abe: That's right (laughs). I feel like alot of the scenes with Na-Go Chemy were filmed with lots of imagination.

Tomizono: There was also something about jet planes. It was fun to film.

Abe: We were the imagination team (laughs).

Fujibayashi: In that sense, Buffa Chemy and I were both part of the imagination solo team.

Tomizono: I guess so (laughs).

Fujibayashi: Both Spanner and Buffa's theme color is purple, and they also have slightly stuck up personalities, so when the film was announced, there were many people on SNS who were looking forward to us appearing together. The interactions between the two of them are very interesting, so I hope you'll look forward to it.

"In a scene with Kugimiya Licht, Minato was depicted in his teacher's attaire."

Kumaki: I remember well the first time I greeted Motomiya Yasukaze-san, who plays Licht. Despite him being about 4-5 meters away (13-16 ft), I felt an overwhelming aura that made me feel like he was right in front of me.

Everyone: (laughs)

Kumaki: I was alittle nervous (laughs), but once I gathered up my courage and greeted him, he was very kind to me. I felt a sense of security all at once, and performed with the intention of receiving advice from my senior.

"What's your most memorable experience working with the Geats team?"

Abe: There was a part where I could feel the experience of working on a project for a year. In a scene where a drone is used, Mokudai Kazuto-san noticed a mark (for where to stand) and asked the staff, "Is this okay?" We weren't paying attention to it, so it's amazing that he noticed it instantly and acted accordingly.

Tomizono: We'd never met before, but they created an atmosphere where we felt comfortable talking to them and had alot of fun. During breaks, we'd play games where you have to hold back your laughter. Kan-kun is also from the Kansai region, so we got along really well, and were able to film in a really friendly atmosphere.

Matsumoto: Everyone was very kind, and I remember that they talked to us alot.

Abe: It was easy to talk to them.

Fujibayashi: The two of you had a girls night out with Tsumuri (Aoshima Kokoro) and Neon (Hoshino Yuna).

Matsumoto: That's right.

Abe: We had some girl talk.

Tomizono: I'm sure you did.

Fujibayashi: What did you talk about?

Matsumoto: Things like painting nails, perfume and other stuff.

Motojima: To be honest, I've been paying alot of attention to my appearance lately, and I've been asking Matsumoto-san and Abe-san alot of questions.

Matsumoto: It's true

Motojima: When Tsumuri-san heard about this, she set up a prank for the makeup artists to teach me fake beauty info. I was completely fooled.

Everyone: (laughs).

Motojima: I also felt that everyone from Geats did things very freely. They included adlibs, and there's a scene where Ace says, "I'm glad I was turned into this," but it was interesting to see Ace say things in a way that he'd never do during test takes. I thought he was very good at keeping the atmosphere on set peaceful.

Tomizono: But, when it was a real take, it was really cool.

Motojima: That's right! There was an incredible difference.

-Becoming a level ... Chemy?!-

"In this work, the Geats members are turned into Chemies, but if you could become a Chemy, what would you want to look like?"

Fujibayashi: Because It's obvious what I'd be, I probably don't need to say it.

Motojima: What do you mean?

Fujibayashi: I could only be a spanner.

Matsumoto: Ah!

Tomizono: If not a spanner, what Chemy would Yasu become instead?

Fujibayashi: None, I can't think of anything else.

Tomizono: You've become Spanner Chemy. What do you do?

Fujibayashi: Loosen the screws in people's heads.

Everyone: (laughs).

Fujibayashi: Everyone becomes so stupid, that they forget how to transform and can no longer speak Japanese.

Abe: That's terrible (laughs). That'd make you the strongest, wouldn't it?

Tomizono: What'll happen if you combine with another Chemy?

Fujibayashi: Valvarad uses it, not Gotchard.

Tomizono: I see.

Fujibayashi: Sabimaru would be a tablet, right?

Tomizono: (laughs). As Tomizono, I'd like a Chemy that's really cool. Like a dragon, but softer.

Fujibayashi: Like something you'd find on a souvenir from a school field trip?

Tomizono: Right, like something on a keychain.

Fujibayashi: I think children would love that.

Tomizono: That's good. I want to appear like that as a level 10 Chemy.

Motojima: I want to become a level 100 Chemy.

Everyone: (laughs).

Motojima: I want to be treated like a legend.

Matsumoto: What would I be? Maybe a bird?

Abe: Ah!

Tomizono: Is that what you wanted?

Abe: I've been beat.

Fujibayashi: But, it depends on the type of bird.

Matsumoto: Hmmm…a crow?

Fujibayashi: A crow, huh? I'd like to own one atleast once.

Tomizono: People say they're smart.

Abe: They're said to have the intelligence of 5 year olds.

Fujibayashi: Well then, they're smarter than me.

Everyone: (laughs).

Tomizono: Is there a reason why you went with a bird?

Matsumoto: I think it'd be nice to fly across the open sky. The wind would feel great too.

Abe: You get it!

Matsumoto: And crows are cool, aren't they? That's why I want to be Crow Chemy.

Fujibayashi: Oto-chan, what kind of bird would you like to be?

Abe: I want to be a black kite.

Tomizono: A black kite?

Abe: When I was little, I remember them because they used to attack me alot when I went camping. When I’d be eating a meal, they'd suddenly snatch it away. They're agile, can fly, and they can enjoy scenery that we can't normally see.

Fujibayashi: I want to steal someone's food.

Abe: Right, right.

Tomizono: Really? (laughs).

Abe: I think black kite's are the strongest.

Fujibayashi: What about Kuma-san?

Kumaki: Because of Bumblebee, I like cars.

Fujibayashi: Ah, from "Transformers."

Kumaki: I think it would be cute if I were a Chemy that looked like Bumblebee.

Tomizono: Would you be a transforming Chemy?

Kumaki: Yeah, I'd transform.

Motojima: I think that'll be in the show sooner or later.

Kumaki: When will it appear?

Fujibayashi: It'd be alot like Golddash.

Kumaki: Ah! That's right!

Motojima: Then, it'll be like a car version of Golddash!

"We would love to hear more, but we'd like to conclude with a message from Motojima-san to our readers on behalf of everyone."

Motojima: I think the highlight is that the character's charm, which is different from the TV show, is brought out by interacting with the Kamen Rider Geats members. Many of the strongest level number 10 Chemies appear, and the development where humans turn into Chemies is also unexpected, it's unexpected plus unexpected twice expected…….it's like unexpected x2.

Tomizono: So double expected?

Fujibayashi: Are you saying…it's going to turn out to be more than expected?

Motojima: Ah, that sounds good.

Fujibayashi: You just said it yourself. You bite your tongue?

Tomizono: Did you mispronounce something?

Motojima: Well uh, it turned out to be more than I expected…

Everyone: (laughs).

Motojima: The unpredictable development of the story is appealing, and the fact that it features Chemies that can talk is also a key point.

Abe: Agreed.

Motojima: Please watch out for how Houtarou and his friends will interact with the talking Chemies, which have yet to appear in the TV show!

[thesarcasticreader]

PAC: DETAILS ABOUT YOUR WEDDING

These are general readings meant for entertainment purposes. You can partake in advice, but do not let it cloud your decision-making.

I do take paid readings. You can contact me for them. Make sure you have either Paypal or Gpay! DM for the price list!

(IMAGES ARE TAKEN FROM PINTEREST)

Pile 1:

Your marriage will take about 2-5 years. You may be older than your person by a year or so. Or at least emotionally more mature than your person. This person is impulsive, reckless and kind of reminds me of Lucifer from the show Lucifer. The absolute best person to know but they require someone with a lot of patience. This person can come up with stupid ideas but sometimes, these stupid ideas pay off really well. There is someone in this person's family who would not approve of this union.

You guys are likely to have a destination wedding. The wedding may take place closer to this person's birthplace. So, there is a chance that this person may be located far away from you. It's like a garden party with mountains in the backdrop and an evening wedding. You guys may love releasing lanterns on your wedding day.

You and your person will spend a lot of money on your wedding. It is a lavish and secluded event with your loved ones. It has a very magical and calm vibe. A song is coming through for you guys: Magic Hour. The wedding will be like what this song makes you feel. The song kind of puts you at peace and fills you with gratitude. The song has an enchanted feeling to it.

Overall, a drama-free wedding. This person does not have an extended family. Your guest list is limited. You have spent more on making the event comfortable than accommodating too many people to make it look like a big, fat wedding. There may be expectations of rain. If you guys are planning an outdoor wedding, it may rain. That's the only downer, however, it will not delay the wedding for too long.

With pomegranates showing up, your wedding night is going to be very fertile. If you guys aren't planning to become a family of three, wrap it up. Your intuition will be pricking all day at your neck. Not in a trying to warn you about something bad is about to happen way but in a spiritually and emotionally balanced way.

Channelled song: Magic Hour by Jhene AikoThe energy coming off the pile: German Shepherd (Smart but confused still dangerous😂😂)

Pile 2:

Winter- Spring time is relevant for you. For this pile, there was this immediate message that popped up: it's coming in fast. If you asked a question before this reading, that's the answer. This is going to be a soulmate union. The ultimate card of union popped up for you guys so you can expect a lot of crying on your wedding day.

Speaking of weddings, you seem to be uneasy about this big day. You feel incomplete because of some reason and you are unable to shake the feeling. This is either related to a past person or a guest who is not able to make it to your wedding. Here are some possible scenarios that are coming through. One is that a friend of yours confesses their feelings for you and you decide to cut them out of the wedding. You are sad about their absence but you know it's for the best.

Otherwise, it feels like you are hung over things that could have been. You feel incomplete because you are living with regret which is interfering with your happiness. For a very short amount of you, this may be an arranged marriage that you are not at all sure about but you are going through.

Another scenario that is coming through is that you have broken up with a long-term partner and you are hung up over them. And you blankly agree to a marriage with the new person. You know that this person is good for you but you are heartbroken. Take your time, your person will be patient with you. Do not marry a person you are not sure about. Even though the cards show it will be okay: NO! Say yes only if you know what you are doing, otherwise hold back. You have all the time in the world.

Your person is very stubborn and very communicative. This person does not fuck around about their feelings. If they want you to know shit, you will. On this day, you will be offered a choice. Either live in the past or move on with your life. It may seem very ominous but your future with their person is very fulfilling.

Channelled song: Butterfly Fly Away by Miley Cyrus The energy coming off the pile: Husky

Pile 3:

Very traditional wedding for this pile. You guys or at least your partner may be a stickler for traditions. The timing of our wedding is not at all clear as compared to the other piles. Either you are not supposed to know the answer or it is dependent on you. I incline that you have to work on your inner child's fears and traumas before you can manifest a good relationship in your life.

Marriage is a piece of paper. No seriously. I am not trying to be a dick but marriage will not fix shit. If your relationship sucks, it will be nice for two months but it will not fix any underlying issue. You are someone who struggles to think practically and emotionally. There is a disbalance between the two all the time. That's why you struggle with emotions a lot of the time.

You need a partner, not an adult baby. You have a very happy marriage written in the cards. But you need to deliberate on what you want from your wedding. I know this wedding was supposed to detail stuff about your wedding, but this came through.

The person you choose is going to be a bit older than you. Dark hair, and grey eyes for the men. They are likely to have curly hair. Very mischievous features. For women, you can expect petite features, crazy but in a good way personality, and loves art. Small hands, a cute but big smile and a triangle face.

You are going to be receiving a lavish amount of gifts from your guests. It's a river of gold flowing kind of feeling. Your person is going to let you take the centre stage. They rather that you take the attention. They are more introverted than you.

Channelled song: Highs And Lows by Dagny

The energy coming off the pile: Husky (happy, loud and chaotic as fuck)

IF YOU WANT MORE READINGS, YOU CAN CHECK MY INSTAGRAM: @A_sarcastic_Reader.

[p1nkcomet]

you are the sun and each morning i wait for you. like a starving man i yearn for your glance in my direction, praying for you to come and save me. when night falls, the bright stars almost recreate the lovely twinkle im your eye, yet you still outshine them. the moon is jealous i pay no attention to her; instead i count down the seconds until you rise again. in the midst of darkness, i reach for you, for even a blind man could see your beauty. as i wait for your beams to break the surface of the sky, i hear the birds flying in the distance, the sound of their flapping wings matching that of my heartbeat. you are the sun, a ball of fire and energy, you radiate warmth, and in the cold winter days people pray for you to come out for a chance to be purely grazed by your flames. i beg that you nourish me, feed me, save me. the universe orbits you, i spin around you, i trace your every move, i go where you go, like an obedient dog, i follow you. without you, the moon itself ceases to exist, a sliver of your reflection guides us even through the still hours of solitude; if you don’t see something, is its existence denied? you are the sun, and each time i hear the clock’s rhythmic tiks and taks i feel my pulse syncing with them. why do you stay away for so long? why do you make me wait? your presence lingers in the air, making it thick, unbearable, depriving me of oxygen, and ultimately suffocating me until your next appearance. why do you drag out each beat of a second, making us monumentally separate? when you rise, its a cue to the end of my heart’s famine, the very same heart that strains and tenses and twists into a feeling of hatred when you leave me to fend for myself. but even god himself knows i could never hate you, as he watches over me, he sends the wind to kiss my cheeks when you can’t. but i won’t be deceived, for you are the sun, the eternal smoldering, the everlasting blaze cast upon my soul. you are the sun, and when my wait is finally over, i ascent like i do each morning, ready to obey your trajectory. aristotle’s view states that all the heavenly bodies move in circular orbits in which each circumgyration is an exact repetition of every one that has preceded it, and even though my destiny of your trails serves a tragic end to it, and i know another will come to take the celestial place in which i stand, i will live out and devote my abiding loyalty to you, and only you, until it can burn into your skin the way your rays sink into mine.  

[barbie-nightmare-house]

I only got into true detective about a month ago and I'm happy to find people in the same boat; if you don't mind could you share some of the deeper thoughts you've had about the show? Your interpretations/headcanons?

Fuck yes I can, goddamn I'm so excited

First, I think the first and fourth seasons are perfect reflections of one another. If you haven't watched S4, many apologies for spoilers. I highly suggest sucking it through a straw.

I’ve been reading the book Dancing in the Flames: The Dark Goddess in the Transformation of Consciousness by Marion Woodman and Elinor Dickson

In which, the philosophical concepts of self and universal consciousness are analyzed through the framework of the divine masculine and divine feminine. I believe this plays into the themes of both Season 1 and Season 4 of True Detective.

Nic Pizzolatto has expressed that Marty and Rust were written as men he could easily see himself becoming (How I Wrote True Detective - Behind the Curtain, particularly his statement at 3:20), which in essence, is an exploration of how masculinity manifests in different contexts. These are men whose flaws render them incapable of living 'normal' lives, yet enable them to demonstrate bravery in situations where most would not.

There is a lot of gendered discourse around Season 4 that I won't get into. Ultimately, I think it does a wonderful job of presenting the flip-side of the unbalanced masculinity in Season 1 by showing us unbalanced femininity. The women centered in Night Country are imperfect; they struggle with close relationships, with demonstrating faithfulness in relationships, with maternalistic nurturing, with regard for victims, etc.

So, both seasons together really solidified my understanding of the overall story. I'll be using balance, gender, time, and death as the themes here.

There are a few lines in Dancing in the Flames that stuck out to me:

“The psyche, as a self-regulating system, yin and yang in perfect balance, is a vision that historically has yet to be realized. […] In history, as in marriage, or in the individual, when a balance becomes stagnant, one or other of the energies moves out to new adventures. The spurt forces the complimentary energy to move also, until a new balance is found. So the spiral moves.”

It's kind of funny that I picked up this book right after my second rewatch of season 4. I'm big on synchronicities, just seeing shit that plainly ain't there. But here we go,

The imagery presented in Season 1 of True Detective appears to be inspired by some iteration of Cernunnos, a Celtic God of fertility, power, & blessings/weath; "god of beasts and wild places." Further, Cernunnos is the God of the Winter Solstice; the Dark Months (re: the significance of Season 4 Executive producer Mari-Jo Winkler saying, “Let’s look at season one of ‘True Detective.’ Hot, sweaty, male. We wanted to do [the] complete opposite. Dark, Ice, Cold.” in the True Detective: Night Country Podcast). "Cernunnos is the antlered god, part man and part stag. He is born on the darkest day of the year, winter solstice, and marries the goddess of spring, Beltane. About six months later, on summer solstice, he dies.

Among pagans, he is considered the god of fertility, animals, and wealth, and the underworld—sometimes he carries a purse filled with coin, for wealth. This connection to wealth and gold coins is found in the myth about Pluto (Hades), the god of the underworld, from which all wealth comes. Indeed abundance comes from what is deep in the earth and deep in our own psyche.

He is born on winter solstice and dies on summer solstice. This suggests his association with the rise of energy, augmentation, the increasing of light, lengthening of the day and peak experiences. He is a god associated with the potency and power of male sexuality, but not its completeness. Falling on the ground, broken, limp, is just as important an experience of the male psyche as standing erect. Also, the fact that he dies at the peak of light, the second half of the seasonal cycle brings, means that he does not hold the introspective qualities that the harvest brings and the completion of the diminishing of light.

Perhaps Cernunnos is balanced somewhat by his marriage to the goddess of Beltane. She is celebrated in a time when blessing comes from rubbing yourself with the dew of early May morning to soak in the blessing of Spring. Helen Chantler, the designer of our company, remembers watching the horned man in the forest on her BBC television growing up. It was an image that conveyed guardianship and the protector of the forest. Yet this image of the antlered man, so powerfully associated with Celtic myth and lore, has been widely depicted and enacted across indigenous cultures for thousands, or perhaps tens of thousands of years. Iconography of an antlered man, standing, have been found in French Paleolithic cave paintings" (reference).

Full disclosure, I am not learned in Celtic myth or any such topic. I don't know if this was the intended reference material for Season 1's Big Bad Spookiness, but I think thematically, this explains the unexplained in both S1 and S2.

I randomly picked up this book I hadn't yet read, which I bought at random in a used bookstore probably 5 years ago, flipped through, and landed on this picture.

Synchronicities dawg.

Woodman and Dickson have this to say:

"This is Cernunnos, Lord of the Animals. It is Shiva, or Dionysus archetypal energies long repressed by Christianity. Repression turned the Horned God into the Horned Devil, the root of all evil. [...] The Horned Devil is energy that is so repressed and cut off from the earth that it is best symbolized by Mephistopheles, the light and airy creature that floats above the earth. The Horned Devil is the disembodied spirit that manipulates, usurping situations for the gratification of its instinctual desires for domination-- sexual or otherwise. The Horned God, as Gary Lingen points out '...is a positive model for male power--free from the patriarchy and all other authoritative models--as he grows and passes through his changes during the wheel of the year, he remains in relationship to and not separate from the prime life and nurturing force--the Goddess.'

The Horned God, moreover, is an archetypal figure quite unlike most masculine images as they appear in culture. He is difficult to understand because he does not fit into any of the expected stereotypes, neither those of the "macho" male nor the reverse-images of those who deliberately seek effeminacy. He is gentle, tender and comforting, but he is also the Hunter. He is the Dying God--but his death is always in service of the life force. He is untamed sexuality--but sexuality as a deep, holy, connecting power. He is the power of feeling, and the image of what men could be if they were liberated from the constraints of patriarchal culture."

It's possible that Pizzolatto merely modeled the Big Bad Spooky Scary in Season 1 with paganistic imagery for fearmongering purposes, but I choose to believe that Childress, the Tuttles, and unnamed counterparts were worshippers of some bastardized version of Cernunnos.

It is indicated many times in both S1 and S2 that symbology associated with the murders is 'old', 'archaic', and looks like cave drawings. I believe the nature of the belief system associated with the Big Bad is transactional, given that it precedes Semitic religions.

What do you pray for when your primary goal is to live another day? You pray for abundant harvest, you pray for fertility, you pray for the sun to return.

What do you pray for when society becomes more collective? You pray for a bigger hut than the next guy, you pray for blessings.

What do you pray for when buildings scrape the sky? You pray for wealth, you pray for power.

I think the Tuttles and their counterparts belonged to a small group of worshippers who retained archaic beliefs and practices, which they attributed to the wealth or power their group amassed. Thus, they continued worshipping.

However, we only see the masculine aspects of this worship in Season 1. We see the vulnerable (women and children) victimized by physically and/or socially powerful men. We see this vulnerability overpowered through ritualistic abuses and murders, which demonstrates that the Big Bad have devolved to, or perhaps have always been, negligent of the inherent role of the divine feminine (Beltane, in this case, as the counterpart to Cernunnos). Thus, the Tuttles represent unbalanced masculinity, where they seek to overpower others in the name of worship. In reality, they are simply indulging in animalistic, individual desires. Truly, they may be neglecting and/or attempting to dominate the divine feminine out of innate fear.

"What is the way to appease the Great Mother, to keep her as Protectress and prevent her wrathful Vengeance? Give her what she demands-- blood! And likewise, invent a precise way to do it-- ritual! Thus, the first great ritual was a ritual of blood sacrifice, offered to the Great Mother-- to Mother Nature-- in a bartered attempt to quench her desire for blood. [...] Blood is indeed bodily life, and if you want to purchase life, you purchase it with blood. So goes paleologic; like magic, it works in partial truths; and like magic, since it is unable to grasp higher perspectives or wider contexts, it arrives at barbaric conclusions." - Marie-Louise Von Franz, Golden Ass of Apuleius: The Liberation of the Feminine in Man

Whatever, I won't get distracted by analyzing the psyche of side character antagonists. I won't! What I'm trying to say is:

They're worshipping an old religion, which requires blood sacrifice. This blood may be literal (murder), or symbolic (sexually abusing the innocent, i.e. symbolic blood of menstruation or deflowering).

As with all things, there is no inherent evil in worship, but this manner of worship represents a stark lack of balance. These are not praying men-- these are men attempting to manipulate nature, life/death, and femininity to their egoistic desires. Thus, they create imbalance.

This imbalance, in True Detective, is a microcosm representing greater imbalances of energy. Imbalance in society, in the universe, and in individuals. We are shown this lack of balance through complex characters.

Two characters, specifically, show us the energy required to correct universal balance; Rustin Cohle and Evangeline Siqiññaatchiaq Navarro.

I also won't get into the Messiah archetypes of these characters. I won't (I probably will).

This fucking long form analysis is going to be a bitch to read and is also a bitch to write, I'm struggling to collect my thoughts well enough to not communicate like we're playing Word Associations.

Okay. So. Rust = Divine Masculine. Evangeline = Divine Feminine. Hold onto that for later.

In the Southern states of America, such as Louisiana where the Tuttles have historical roots, power and wealth are generally understood as God’s Blessings. The Christian God. Which explains why the Tuttles used Christianity as a mask for their true beliefs and practices. Additionally, the immutable power of organized religion allowed the Tuttles and their associates access to vulnerable individuals to prey upon.

While the Tuttles practiced their underlying beliefs in secret, I believe Errol Childress’s murder of Dora Lange indicated his sentiments of rejection from his bloodline. Where the proper Tuttles secured social and financial power, Errol was essentially a grunt, despite enabling and participating in the ritualistic abuse and murder. He might have developed a coping mechanism of believing himself a profit. Frustrated that in the ‘real world’ the power and virility he exercised in private was not respected, he made a ‘show’ of Dora Lange’s murder. This could have been motivated by the following: - A rejection of the Tuttles secretiveness. We should be proud of our practices. Look, we’re untouchable. I won’t live in the shadows

A warning or punishment of the Tuttles. By displaying his practices proudly through Dora Lange’s presentation, Errol Childress places the Tuttles at risk for exposure. 

A personal demonstration of elevated dedication to his ‘god’, i.e., an attempt to prove he is more faithful than those who practice in secret. Errol was showing the world his power. 

I believe the Tuttle’s practice of murdering and abusing innocents in the name of a, conceivably, pagan god, is due to a bastardized interpretation of the god’s power and purpose. If we consider that Cernunnos alone is the divine masculine, incomplete/imbalanced without the feminine counterpart, we see the space where men may lean into this lack of balance as an opportunity to enforce patriarchal dominance over the divine feminine. By abusing the divine feminine (women and children), the interpretation of Cernunnos becomes a rat-race of man’s most basic pursuits; power, wealth, and death. They lord over the divine feminine by sacrificing its counterparts (women and children) to Cernunnos. In a patriarchal interpretation (cisgender, heterosexual) of nature, men cannot create as women can, so the most they can achieve in the way of god power is taking life. 

Then comes the spiral. In the first season, it appeared to be representative of the Nietzschean circular time theme. Given the events of Season 4 as a continuation of the spiral imagery, I have deduced that the S1 spiral is another perversion of old beliefs that the Tuttles have bastardized.

Rather than being a symbol of Cernunnos (real quick: peep Cernunnos vs. Carcosa?? 'He who eats time?' and absolutely chooooke on this interpretation) I believe the spiral represents his ‘wife’ or divine feminine counterpart– Spring. Or rather, Life. And thus, She is Time itself. The Tuttles pray to something that, again, EATS TIME. I'm sorry I keep saying this, but they only worship half of nature. It's a perversion. It's wrong. It's empty. S4 gives us the other half of the story.

In Season 4, the supernatural force, or ‘god’ is referred to with feminine pronouns: ‘She is awake, she is coming, she is here’. More on this later, but I think the spiral represents a larger concept than Cernunnos/Carcosa; Balance. Eternity. The Universe. I believed initially that the spiral was jagged, as opposed to the ‘perfect’ golden ratio, because it would have been carved or drawn with rudimentary objects by prehistoric humans. Looking at the galaxy in which earth exists (and others like it)-- I mean :/ I'm no science guy, but... come on now.

(cr. NASA / STScI)

(cr. Gabriel Pérez Díaz, SMM (IAC).)

(cr. Fibbonacci.com)

COME ON NOW.

Back to Cernunnos, he is the god of Darkness, and dies when Spring comes. However, he and his divine feminine counterpart never cease existing. They are married; opposite sides of a coin, constantly flipping; inextricably bonded. They are the same thing—and separate—and the same; flat time. (Side note: also found out the universe itself is 'flat' to our perception. I'm absolutely wrecked by this)

As Rust says, “Time created Death to grow the things it would kill.” So, from hereon, I will refer to Cernunnos’s counterpart, represented by the spiral symbol, as Time.

She is the spring, where life grows. In Season 4, we may assume that she eats in the winter. Despite the spooky Big Bad, overcoming evil, vibe of Season 4, it’s important to note that there is no inherent good or evil in the universe. There's just balance. While Navarro refers to the supernatural force as a “curse” that takes her people one by one, we must acknowledge that Death is the certainty of Life. Both states are suspended within time. Circular. Cyclical. Spinning. A spiral.

Ennis is a land of extremes, where Time and Existence appear to be a more ancient/raw form (prehistoric ice and such, significance of magnetic poles, idk I'm not a science guy).

As Time’s presence in Ennis is generally acknowledged by the indigenous people, it could stand that the descendants of those who existed on this land in prehistoric times would have a more innate connection to Time. On that land, where Time has more power, occurrences such as “the dead don’t stay dead” implicates that the laws of humanity are bent in favor of the unknowable reality of time. 

Whereas the Tuttle’s represent unbalanced patriarchal masculinity, i.e., acknowledging ‘old gods’ and worshiping them for self-serving gain, demonstrated by their social powers and abuses– the Iñupiaq people exhibit instinctual balance and reverence for the old ways.

The Tuttles and counterparts mark victims with the spiral, almost as if to attract the acknowledgement of their god, whereas the Iñupiaq people mark the spiral as a warning of her presence. It is stated that ‘she’ exists where the ice is thin over the sea. To me, this indicates that ‘she’ is somewhat synonymous with the sea, or the ground beneath it, as, in the prehistoric time (where her power would be more observable) the water level would've been lower (idk, I'm not a science guy). Basically, I think ‘she is awake’ indicates that she has gone dormant/is hibernating under the ice.

Thus, Time calls the Iñupiaq to areas of thin ice in order to ‘eat’ them. This practice is representative of a balance. She is existence in perfect balance. She is life and death. In her presence, time becomes nonlinear (i.e., the visions experienced by the characters in S4). Time becomes a flat circle.

The Tuttles presence in Ennis via the mine has disrupted the circle. The softening of permafrost due to the mine's pollution has both awoken her, and disrupted the balance of her domain. Life and Death. Rather than taking her justified ‘fill’ of the dead, pollution has caused an unnatural rise in deaths, exampled by the stillbirths. The Iñupiaq stillbirths represent the inherent interruption of natural course. Thus, she is not just awoken, but angered. She's PISSED.

This explains why the events in Season 4 unfold as they do. In the last episode, an Iñupiaq auntie explains that ‘she (Time)’ was responsible for taking the Tsalal men or releasing them. She chose to take them, and ‘eat their fucking dreams’.

This statement reminded me of the theme of dreaming in Season 1. A theoretical physicist, Fred Alan Wolf, claims that “dreaming is vital to our survival as a species and a necessary ‘learning laboratory’ wherein the self and the universe evolve. In brief, matter evolves through dreams.” In the book Dancing in the Flames: The Dark Goddess in the Transformation of Divine Consciousness, “the unknowable mystery we sometimes call God” can only be understood through finding individual and communal balance, which is historically and presently impossible due to patriarchal systems.

The significance of this, I think, is the overarching theme in both seasons: Time as an insurmountable force that weighs on the characters. Past, present, future are flattened and defined by suffering. We see the mostly faceless antagonists attempt to gain unnatural power over time– in Season 1, the Tuttles (and their counterparts) actions implicate a desire of procuring power and wealth through sacrificing innocent youth (balanced time), and in Season 4, they are searching for a microorganism that could provide insight into immortality, or at least further their material wealth and power– ultimately creating the imbalance of essential, unknowable truths: Time, Life, Death, and Dreaming. We also see the protagonists struggle under the weight of Time in a more intimate, consumable capacity.

The imbalance of energies is a human fault. This human fault, likely, has no true power in the universe. It is simply a disruptor, which will ultimately be self-corrected, as “the spiral moves.”

We see this correction in the form of an unlikely savior. In Season 1, this is Rust. In season 4, this is Navarro. They are both plagued with an undefined but obviously overwhelming burden of Time, and an innate connection to the unknowable.

While neither understands how or why, they have been called to a life which seems to deny human nature. Isolation, reluctant power (being a fuckin cop), and the responsibility of bearing witness to the soul-crushing examples of human failure. However, their actions and insight are ultimately the antithesis of the antagonists perversions of Life and Death. Both Rust and Navarro, though somewhat unwillingly, are called on to correct Time.

Their circular patterns become enlightened. They prevail. They balance the divine masculine and divine feminine.

I think this is most apparent in Navarro’s character arc. Particularly her statements, and the many examples of her being ‘called’ by Time. Her displacement from the community of people who share her blood, and thus her connection to the land, is significant because it has potentially inspired her to become a protector. With the social power of law enforcement, and the dual-perspective of those who perpetuate disbalance of time (cops, who ultimately are tools for high-level antagonists like the Tuttles), and those who keep it (the indigenous people), she is the perfect blend of energies to correct the balance. I think she was beckoned back to the land by Time specifically, (evidenced by her visions, like “listen”), with divine purpose. Her Inupiaq name meaning the sun’s return from darkness in itself is evidence of that. Her compassion for Annie K. has greater implications on the story than our understanding of justice. 

If she was called to the land by Time, presented with the murder of Annie K. as motivation to expose Tsalal, thus exposing the mine, and ultimately the Tuttles, Navarro restores the balance of Life and Death, and ultimately Time, to the land. Her personal journey reflects the initial disbalance, the unknowable forces at play, and ultimately the correction of both. She encompasses universal truths.

God calls from places where the ice is thin.

God is talking to Evangeline directly.

In the spiritual statements that tell Evangeline to “listen”, as well as the many visions in which an individual (conceivably possessed by spiritual forces) points at her, God orders her to bear witness, which is also the purpose that Rust Cohle assigned to his existence in Season 1.

Like Moses and the burning FUCKING bush, Evangeline is plagued with visions; and is called to carry the burden of guiding others into the light. 

As Rust said in the first season, “it’s the oldest story there is. Light vs. Dark” and “if you ask me, light is winning.”

Okay, that's all I have for right now. Sorry for using this as my excuse to go apeshit in the way I've been meaning to for weeks. If you'd like specific character headcanons or anything, let me know! Rust Cohle rents an apartment in my head and it fucking stinks in there.

[runabout-river]

I've seen a few parts of a few episodes of a few seasons of Snowpiercer and my crossover imagination suddenly ran wild.

Imagine if Yuki had managed her goal of eradicating cursed energy from the world but with severe consequences. I have no idea how the world in Snowpiercer got -80°C cold but for this it will be because of Yuki.

She did it by interfering in Gojo's and Toji's fight after Kenjaku himself had already gotten to them. Add Tengen into the mix and CE disappears from the world... together with its warmth.

Curses and cursed technique become weaker and weaker, most cursed objects lose their strength and abilities, and soon sorcerers are nearly on the same level as normal humans.

A fight for survival erupts just like everywhere else in the world but it's only the 10km long train - the Snowpiercer - that can ensure the survival of humanity.

And Kenjaku arranges for a group of Japanese survivors to come on board but only if they manage to wait long enough for the train to get them. (From the few parts of the show I saw I couldn't make out if the train goes around the world or only through North America but let's say it also goes to East Asia.)

That group mostly consists of sorcerers and their families and friends because even with CE disappearing they can still survive for longer. Some things also disappear at a slower rate or they're entirely unaffected by Yuki's ultimate solution.

The 6 Eyes stay but Gojo's CT doesn't. Geto's curses survive as long as they're inside of him but once in the open they don't have long live. Yaga using his cursed corpses makes him lose his CE faster and Kenjaku can't ever change bodies again.

Only the binding vows hold fast against the disappearance of CE but no one can ever make new once. This means that small and sick child Kokichi has the most CE in all of the world suddenly which gets exploited immediately but it also means that Toji's physical power doesn't diminish. He stays superhuman, just like child Yuji and Maki.

There is one other person who doesn't lose his strength during this calamity either: Sukuna. Kenjaku doesn't manage to revive him in time though because he goes to America and the end of the world happens faster than he would've thought.

So most of Sukuna's fingers get lost in Japan just like the group of survivors who have to reach the train tracks on time. Toji tries to save his family at least because what else is there left to do in the world but the weather becomes so cold they can't survive before they reach the Snowpiercer.

But while Tsumiki dies in his arms Toji tries to at least save Megumi by giving him one of Sukuna's fingers. 1 chance in a million this would work but... it doesn't. Sukuna doesn't come out and Toji is forced to bury his children under piling snow.

But in reality it does work. Megumi becomes Sukuna's host but the cold and the CE disappearing did have an effect on Sukuna as well so the transformation just took longer and was extremely subdued.

Neither Sukuna's mind nor Megumi's can process any of that though. It's too cold and while they can survive it with Sukuna's power and steady CE they can barely go on in this forever winter.

So it takes them a few years wandering around before they find the tracks for the last piece human civilization on the planet. Then it's Megumi on the Snowpiercer meeting his long lost friends again while the King of Curses thaws out.

.

.

.

Yep, just me throwing anime and magic at a science based live action show 👀.

[likeawildthing]

I just wondered, what's your evening closing routine?

Absolutely! Since daylight savings time, darkness has pretty much aligned with my work schedule. And I work from home most of the time so work/home boundaries are super important. Since I started working from my couch, even more so. I started a short closing routine to transition from work to evening — it mostly involves the senses and soft, warm vibes.

Put laptop, mouse, accessories away in a basket so they aren’t visible until tomorrow.

Close all the blinds and curtains, even if there is a little residual light left. I am embracing night and declaring the transition for myself!

Change into evening clothes — soft, cozy, usually fluffy, different from daytime soft and cozy clothes to signal night.

Turn the lamps on. Always anti-overhead lights, I have lamps throughout the bottom floor of my house. They emit a super warm glow throughout the bottom floor. Even when I go to bed, I use lamplight and not overhead light.

Light a scented candle in the kitchen while I’m cooking.

Turn on music — I have been favoring post-modern jukebox, jazz, and Christmas carols during the holidays. The music stays on while I cook dinner, eat, and do clean up.

Bring candle into living room. Think about time to or from winter solstice. To me, thinking of it in these terms has reminded me of the seasonality which has made the darkness easier to bear. Tomorrow will be two full weeks of longer days!

Have a variety of soft blankets to snuggle with.

Embrace the low activity time of year. This is a season of scaling back, resting, and regenerating for most animals. Why not for us, too? I like to try to fill this time with things that bring me joy but might take less energy than, say, gardening or jogging.

Only then do I get on my phone and I engage with online. This is the point that I might scroll, watch tv, or listen to a podcast. If I am reading or working on a project, I will put the fireplace YouTube video or Netflix channel on.

This might only be 20 minutes if dinner is short. And you can adapt it any which way , less or more. As simple as cozy clothes, a light, and a song. The general idea is engaging your senses, embracing night, and connecting mindfully to the idea that this is a season with purpose. That reflection has ultimately been the practice they has changed my mindset and kept SAD at bay this year. In the week leading up to solstice, I lit a taper candle for an hour each night.

A few other winter practices that keep me engaged with nature:

I watch the sunrise or early morning hour for about 5 minutes out of my eastern facing window.

Because I work at home most days, I choose to work in my living room which is sunnier in winter. I also have a simple prism that refracts rainbows on sunny afternoons — I call it gay o’clock.

I open the windows for 15-60 minutes every morning if it’s above 0. Even if it’s 20, the fresh air is invigorating and helps the house feel less stuffy. If it’s too cold, I put bird tv for cats on YouTube for an hour or so. Bird song really does engage our parasympathetic nervous symptom and reduce anxiety, even if we only listen for 5 minutes. A sound app can also do this for you!

When I am driving I tend to take the scenic route even if it adds a few minutes to my trip.

I take advantage of the nice days and go out when I can.

[mermaidsirennikita]

hi!! i love your recs so much. I’ve read so much more romance thanks to you and your commentary. If you don’t mind, can you rec me some historical romance books where the fmc and mmc are both proper sticks in the mud all about duty ‘they’d be more happy if they got laid’ energy? Usually only either is that (the fmcs even less so) I’m kinda over super slutty jovial type heroes and need more grumps but would also like a grumpy heroine too.

First off, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying more romance :D I hope that these recs help even more—I never mind giving them, I'm just sometimes slower to answer due to work or whatever.

My immediate thought was Judith McNaught's A Kingdom of Dreams. Jennifer isn't really a stick in the mud (she's rather fiery and rebellious) but neither wants to marry and does it purely out of duty. They actually have an initially flirty relationship (and sleep together before the engagement) BUT it then goes off the rails and they become proper enemies before they're forced to marry. Royce is mad about it, but the king ordered it soooooO! Jennifer tries to get out of it, but again, duty ultimately prevails.

The Chief by Monica McCarty comes to mind. Another one where they sleep together before marriage, but it's super brief and interrupted, and it happens purely to trap him (which she doesn't want, but her father does for political purposes). They're all about the duty. The sex actually IS physically good, but he withholds emotionally for a loooong time. The Recruit has similar vibes, but they also sleep together before marriage (see: a pattern lol) before hating each other, and they marry because he finds out she's pregnant and was trying to hide it from him. Neither wants to. But. DUTY. HONOR. It takes them a whiiiile to really warm up to each other again.

Enchanted by Elizabeth Lowell gives this vibe a LOT. But I will say, SA trauma figures heavily into the novel, and is why the heroine is so cold to the hero. It's a 90s romance, so he actually initially thinks she's lying about it as well when he finally finds out, BUT NOT IN A MAD WAY, in a "oh, she's trying to hide her besmirched honor from me, baby don't worry I don't care". When he finds out she's telling the truth.... Oh.... It hurts. But yeah, there's a lot of initial duty and then hurt/comfort that yields into passion. Untamed, the first book in the series, has shades of this as well—the heroine is sweeter versus being a stick in the mud, but the marriage is arranged and they're both about doing their duty. And he BADLY needs to loosen up (by sleeping with her) but he just wants an heir~.

If you're open to fantasy, I'd say The Hurricane Wars leads directly into this in the second book, Monsoon Rising, which isn't out until December. So you're left at the marriage point in the first book, but OOOOH I PROMISE THE SECOND IS BIIIG ON THIS if you're willing to wait a little bit longer. It's great.

Another fantasy option is The Winter King, wherein the hero conquers the heroine's kingdom (her brother killed! His entire family!) and they marry as part of a truce. Neither of 'em want to be there, there's some initial tenderness that gives way to mistrust, there's a HUGE heir pressure...

[ashleywool]

"I LOVED THAT SHOW"

I wore my How to Dance in Ohio hoodie to church today. It's Palm Sunday and we did our customary palm procession from Duffy Square into the building, which is nice and all except winter decided to come back and bite my skin off again...so that sweatshirt seemed like the best choice as warm enough for the weather + can fit under my choir robe + won't get swelteringly uncomfortable once we're inside at the service. It did the job. Truly the ultimate transition piece. Get yours today while supplies last.

At fellowship afterwards, someone from the congregation that I didn't know--she's only in NYC part of the year--pointed out my sweatshirt and said "I LOVED THAT SHOW!"

It took her a moment to recognize me (she initially confused me for Madison, which, yeah that happens, I'll never be mad about it), and we had a lovely chat about the show. And what I noticed after walking away was...the subject of autism, or me being autistic, didn't come up at all.

I love and cherish the advocacy aspect of my work on HTDIO. I love and cherish the opportunity it gave me to be the autistic representation I wished I'd had growing up. But I have to say, it was SO nice to have someone, a total stranger, talking about the show and loving the show independent of The Autism Part.

It was wonderful being part of discussions about diverse representation, and I will never turn down opportunities to eagerly participate in those conversations. But I really wanted us to stick around long enough that the "novelty" aspect of "autistic characters played by autistic actors" (or even "canonically nonbinary/genderqueer characters") would wear off sufficiently for more people, so they could focus on the story and the characters and the music and all the other things that make our show great irrespective of the Representation aspect.

I've had a ROUGH few weeks, y'all. Truthfully, I've been going through one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. Aside from the obvious grief factor and logistical stressors, it turns out that post-operative depression is absolutely a thing. While I'd like to think I'm cognitively and emotionally mature enough to handle this level of change, especially considering how lucky I am to have robust support systems in family, friends, and healthcare practitioners, my very autistic nervous system has had a difficult time letting the sympathetic part cooperate with the parasympathetic part. So I've been a ball of tension, exhaustion, and worst of all, that soul-sucking apathy where nothing seems enjoyable or interesting, but maybe it would be if I had the energy to be interested.

It's helped to find a great physical therapy clinic that is giving me comprehensive, multi-pronged care and NOT charging me copays (because apparently my insurance pays them excellently--thank you, Equity-League and Cigna). It's helped that I got back in touch with a therapist I had seen years ago on BetterHelp (she's since left the platform and honestly, GOOD FOR HER). It's helped that I have parents with the means to help me out financially--and, crucially, the means to keep me accountable without resorting to pressure and guilt-tripping. It's helped to still live in a city where financial assistance isn't excruciatingly hard to come by if all else fails (at least compared to other states). It's helped to have agents submitting me for tons of exciting projects, and having several cabarets and readings to look forward to in this time of transition. It's helped to have a really chill, supportive church community keeping me spiritually grounded without buying into the yt American evangelical toxicity. It's helped to have my cats.

But sometimes, what makes me the happiest of all, is hearing "I LOVED THAT SHOW!"

I'll never not be proud to be known for How to Dance in Ohio and everything we stood for. I'm proud that the love was real, and the quality of the material reflected and reverberated that love. I'm proud of the representation aspect, and I'm proud that it wasn't just about that. And people who saw it, saw all of that.

It's so comforting to know that we shared this show with enough people that it's going to continue to matter.

People aren't going to forget.

I love that for us.

By the way, it was too cold to really show it off, but this is the shirt I wore underneath the sweatshirt. :)

[male-hedonism-and-acting-cool]

My favorite fix-it au is the one where Oliver's parents are actually poor, and his dad dies. so here are some very specific cattonquick winter break headcanons. mostly Oliver's pov because I relate to being poor and in love with Felix

it's the winter break of their sophomore year

they are already dating

(still took them a fucking eternity to get together. I'd say they started dating at the end of Oliver's first summer at Saltburn. Felix was getting tired of making moves with no reciprocation, and Oliver just didn't know???? that he was???? making moves???? on him???? and at the end of the summer Oliver had a massive panic attack because he got so used to them being together all the time, and he wasn't sure they'd be this close at oxford. and because Felix is his entire support system, he goes to him for comfort. my poor boy. Felix is scared and is like 80% sure Oliver's mom died or something. then he's even more scared because Oliver is crying and panicking but doesn't want to talk about it. then Oliver whispers, "I just don't wanna lose you, I really fucking love you, Felix". and Felix is like "shit, Ollie, mate, are you telling me we could've been done with all this pining stuff like four months ago?")

but I digress. they are already dating

Oliver is invited to Saltburn for Christmas. because Christmas is a family holiday and Felix always celibates at home

Felix has to negotiate no gifts for visitors policy with his mother because there is no way Ollie would feel comfortable exchanging paperback books for some antique watch

(btw sorry for my unreliable depiction of british upper-class society. I'm poor and eastern european)

Oliver stays at Felix's room this time. and it's a little awkward because everyone knows, but at the same time perfect because they can stay in Felix's bed for as long as they want, go have some breakfast, and come right back to cuddling in Felix's bed

the dinner is great if a little Catton family intence. they also have this awkward moment when everyone decides to talk about how much they support gay rights

(Oliver is wearing old Felix's clothes, obviously. it feels really comforting and only a bit embarrassing)

Felix lays on Oliver's chest (because he's the ultimate little spoon, and I'll die on this hill) and tell him about his family and their weird rich people holiday traditions

Oliver plays with his hair in pure fucking bliss and adds something from time to time so Felix knows he hasn't fallen asleep

and then Felix has to bring this shit up again

ever since they went to Oliver's mom, Felix decided he needed to fix this woman's life and her relationship with her son for the sake of solving all Oliver's problems

(they haven't talked for two weeks when Oliver found Felix was paying his mother's therapy bills. Felix was terrified they might break up. Oliver mostly avoided him and cried)

so Felix once again says how nice it would be to go to Oliver's mom for the New Year

it's the same argument they keep having, really. Felix says, "she is trying to get better." and Oliver responds with, "but does she? get any better?" if he has energy to argue about it. most of the time he doesn't

because for his whole life, Felix only encountered broken things he was able to fix. and Oliver doesn't have it in himself to show Felix that some broken things can not be fixed or are not worth the effort to do it. because he's scared Felix would see he's just one of those broken things

so he agrees

the flat is cleaner than Oliver remembers from his childhood but is still probably the filthiest place Felix has ever seen

they still decide to clean the kitchen before making dinner (and have to do an enormous amount of googling first because Felix grew up in a mansion, and Oliver grew up in a dysfunctional family, not ideal circumstances to develop any useful skills really)

they planned the dinner in the car. something Felix likes, something Oliver knows how to cook, something they've seen at the dining hall on the last New Year

Oliver's mom gives them money to buy food, but it doesn't cover half of what they planned. Felix pays for everything like it's nothing. and Oliver wants to die from embarrassment on the spot. because yes, Felix knows he's fucking poor but knowing and seeing are too different things

the dinner itself is awkward. they don't know what to talk about. his mom doesn't really know what he studies or does in his free time. and he isn't any better, all he knows is that she drinks and goes to AA meetings. she is also not openly homophobic, but she does that thing where she acts like Felix and him are just really close friends. or maybe it's the way she would've treated his girlfriends, too. he wouldn't know, Felix is the first person he brought here

at midnight, they eat a surprisingly decent cake Oliver's mom brought from a local bakery. his mom doesn't drink because she is "two months sober" (it's not than Oliver doesn't believe her, he just doesn't think it makes any difference now) and goes to sleep shortly after

Oliver invites Felix for a walk

they go along the streets, Oliver grew up walking, and drink a bottle of champagne Oliver brought in his bag

Felix doesn't ask about his family. but he asks about school, books he saw in old Oliver's room, local urban legends (he's weirdly fascinated with them), and his favorite childhood snacks

Oliver answers. he also can't stop looking at Felix ever since he noticed snowflakes on his eyelashes

they finish the bottle, kiss a little before heading back to Oliver's mom place

they sleep on a tiny bed in Oliver's old room (smaller than ones in oxford dorms if it's even possible). it takes Felix about an hour to fit himself properly

(all the jokes Felix made about having sex in both their childhood rooms end up being just jokes because there's not much you can do when it took all of your concentration just to stop yourself from falling off the bed)

in the morning, Oliver's mom cooks them eggs. she also hugs Oliver really tight before they leave. Oliver doesn't remember her hugging him like this when he was leaving for the first time

Felix looks proud of himself, and Oliver doesn't feel like pointing out an empty bottle in the trash, the one they didn't drink. instead, he chose to believe for a day that relapse is actually part of recovery, and other things Felix keeps telling him about

they drive to oxford mostly in silence. a great, comforting one. sometimes Felix tells him some campus gossip, and they make bets on who slept with whom during the break

Oliver is a bit tired, and his back hurts. but he also feels okay. feels great. feels like there's no other shoe to be dropped any time soon

[theenpcbracket]

THEE Official* TTRPG NPC Bracket!

Every TTRPG party has That One NPC that they’ve latched onto.  It might be an NPC who’s become a member of the party.  It might be a god.  Maybe it’s your wizard’s familiar.  It’s probably that one shopkeeper from that one town with the craziest voice you’ve ever heard come out of the DM’s (or if you’re the DM, your own) mouth.

This bracket is designed to celebrate those NPCs!  Tell the world about why they’re so special to you and your party.  You’ll learn about all the wildest, most wholesome, most villainous, silliest, and everything in-between NPCs out there, and be able to cheer yours along in a Tumblr-typical bracket-style tournament.

All the guidelines for your propaganda can be found on the submission form here!  I have it set so your personal information will not be recorded.  Please only submit NPCs through the submission form so that I can ensure that I have them all and Tumblr didn’t eat any of them.  

EDIT: Submissions will be open through midnight, EST, on 7/5/23 (previously 7/2/23)!  Please spread the word so we can celebrate as many beloved NPCs as possible!

More below the cut for examples of propaganda, inspiration, and tags for other polls!

An example of submitted propaganda may read something like:

Name: Marcy Relationship to the party: The Queen of the Winter Court’s secretary/assistant Party Name: Heel Turn Crew Image: [would be here or as a vs graphic]

What makes them the best: She’s incredible at her job and on top of all her shit, but she’s also deeply a gossip and here for a good time.  She’s not gonna reveal state secrets but she will give you some dirt if she likes you.  Caffeinated to all hell.  She’s less than a foot tall because she’s a pixie but she has the personality and voice to fill a room.  The vibes and energy of a New Jersey mother of four who’s lived in town for thirty years and is not about to let Big PTA get one over on the new kindergarten parents.  Would probably smoke with you if you asked, but not during work hours.  Has at least two exactly identical desks.

Quote:��“Listen hon, come back in an hour.  There’s a great coffee place, you go two blocks straight out the door and hang a left.  Have some coffee ‘cause it’s to die for, I don’t know what they do to their dark roast but it’s incredible, then come on back and I’ll get you in there with her.”

The inspiration for this bracket came from @wizardbracket which was very fun!

Edit: there was another blog that was originally an inspiration for this bracket the mystery character bracket op is a wild transphobe so I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole lol. That shit will not be tolerated here and you don’t have to come tell me about it because lord knows they’ve been rather direct about it in their recent posts.

Tagging some other bracket blogs whose audiences are likely to overlap with this tournament.  Please don’t feel like you have to boost!  I just wanted to be sure that if I was going to tag any ongoing brackets, it was because I felt it made sense to do so!

@best-dad-battle @foundfamilyarena @found-family-tournament @foundfamily-tournament @ultimate-tragic-couples-showdown @certified-dumbass-competition @mostpatheticlittleguy @group-oc-tournament @homemadegirlbossbattle @dragon-tournament

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9