#but it had to be simplified for a 6 year old

[tomriddleslove]

What’s left of me?

✩Mattheo Riddle x Reader

Summary: The one where your pursuit for excellence leads you down a path of self destruction, and you’re slowly loosing yourself. You didn’t expect a certain boy in your year would be your saving grace. Alternatively: Mattheo makes you realise you’re more than what you think you are.

A/N: I guess this could very easily be like a prequel to the other mattheo one shot ‘i’m here’. This is definitely a bit self indulgent but we all have our things 😻😻

Warnings: Allusions to overdosing (brief), mentions of not eating.

Songs: Nothings New - Rio Romeo

18 days.

18 days till you would be finished with all of this.

Technically, it would actually be 408 days till you finished school and graduated from this godforsaken place, but 18 more till you finished with exams.

You weren’t sure how many more hours you could spend hunched over indecipherable handwriting, pouring over text till your eyes stung and your back ached. Surrounded by a stack of books and rolls of parchment, you couldn’t even begin to figure out where you ended and the library began. You had taken up a huge table (that could seat at least 4) for the better part of 17 hours, sat on the same chair since 6:00 am.

You stifle a small groan of pain as you roll your wrist, stiff and sore from the hell that was ancient runes.

There are ink splotches all over your skin, and you’re sure the amount of work you were pouring into this stopped being effective nearly 5 hours ago.

Your eyes flicker up and scan over the once-packed library that had slowly dwindled down to a few students, half of whom were in the same boat as you.

To you, being the last person in the library was a huge sign of success. It meant you were more dedicated and more hard-working.

In reality, the truth couldn’t be any further from that, but in your mind, if you weren’t milking yourself over every last piece of work it simply wasn’t being done right.

The hushed murmurs and sounds of parchment being unfurled fade into the background as your quill scratches furiously against the parchment, mind running at a million miles an hour.

You ignore the pang in your stomach as you work; you haven’t eaten today. You didn’t want to get up at any point to get food, for fear of your place being taken.

Now, you didn’t want to get up for another reason. It was well past the library's open hours and Madame Pince was angrily fussing about, bustling around everyone as she got them to leave. A testament to how long you had been there, she didn’t even seem to notice you, and you were worried getting up and walking about would break this sort of invisibility shield you had going on.

Come to think of it, you hadn’t really drunk any water either. You brought your bottle with you but had forgotten to fill it up. It was fine though, the human body could last for 3 days without water - it could wait. Your upcoming exams were far more important.

In Scandinavia, the Elder Futhark remained in use until some time around the eighth century (the time of the Eddas), when drastic changes in the Old Norse language occurred, and corresponding changes in the runic alphabet were made to accommodate the new sounds. However, unlike the Anglo-Saxon Futhorc, the Younger Futhark (as it is now called) reduced the number of runes from 24 to 16, and several runes came to represent multiple sounds. The forms of the runes were also changed and simplified.

Gods, you couldn't take this anymore. You felt sick and exhausted. You ignore the hunger that gnaws at your stomach, rubbing a hand over your face as you contemplate finishing off and going to bed.

But every time you think of stopping a horrible feeling emerges in your stomach, consuming you with anxiety. The weight of impending exams and the fear of not doing well gnawing at your determination. You glance at the clock, realizing it's well past midnight, and the library is now completely empty except for you.

Madame Pince, finally noticing your presence, approaches with a disapproving look. "You know, the library does close at a certain hour. I can't have students staying here all night," she scolds, but her tone softens as she sees the exhaustion in your eyes.

“Sorry. I lost track of time” You mumble, haphazardly cramming your stuff into your bag. You get up, and the room spins for a second. You stumble but manage to catch yourself, holding onto the table as Madam Pince reaches out a hand to help you recover.

“You need to take care of yourself. No exam is worth this much stress,” She says, eyeing you with concern. If only she knew how far that was from the truth. You felt as though you had so little to your name. Performing well, overachieing. That was what you were known for. It was the only thing you felt was yours. Everyone else had character, they were distinctly themselves. They had hobbies, interests, and friendships that defined them. But for you, it was always about excelling academically. Without that, you became nobody. You were no more than the number on your papers, and the reminder weighed down on you like an unrelenting burden.

By some miracle you manage to stumble down the empty halls of the castle into the Slytherin common room, which seemed paradoxically warm considering its grandiose stone structure and dark, moody lighting. You carelessly drop your bag onto a table closest to the fireplace, trudging up to your room as you battle the sleep that threatens to consume you.

It's dark, and your roommates have long gone to bed.

“Lumos” You murmur, hiding the blinding light that emerges from the tip of your wand with the lining of your school robes, dimming it slightly. You grope blindly at your bedside drawer, stopping when you feel the familiar smooth glass bottle, that fits perfectly in your palm. You slip it into the pocket of your robes, slowly shutting the drawer as you make your way back down to the common room. You dismiss the light that shines from your wand, tossing it onto the sofa as you take a seat on the floor, in front of the low table. You read the instructions on the back of the small bottle as if you hadn’t been consuming this religiously for the past month.

Wideye potion User Guidance:

Take no more than one teaspoon every 6 hours. Effects will last for up to 8 hours. Excessive use of this potion may lead to adverse effects, and in rare cases, severe bodily harm. Users are advised not to use the maximum dosage for a consecutive 72 hours.

You’ve read it so many times, you were sure you could recite it by heart. Choosing not to heed any warnings, you pop open the cork and down the whole bottle in one go. The rancid taste of the potion burns, eliciting a shudder down your spine as you swallow down the bile that threatens to emerge. Pocketing the empty glass bottle, you stretch your arms before retrieving your books, ready to continue working.

If you were lucky, the potion might give you a boost of energy for about 3 hours or so. You had been taking it so much you had developed a sort of immunity to it, and the effects were not as potent as they used to be. The sacrifice of your well-being for the sake of productivity had become a routine, a desperate attempt to squeeze every ounce of time and focus out of your exhausted mind and body.

You have attempted to brew a stronger concoction, in the misplaced hopes that increasing the potency would counteract the effect of the immunity. However, the violent cramps and palpitations it had given you very quickly told you that wouldn't work.

You knew it was bad. It was causing irreversible damage to your body, killing you at worst. It simply wasn't sustainable. But you couldn't drag yourself out of that mindset.

Failure. Nobody.

You gritted your teeth and carried on working.

You managed to get through another potions essay, and the time on your watch read 1:00 am.

You could carry on for longer, right?

You zone out for a second, staring off at the orange embers that emerged from the fireplace, shining bright for what seemed like a millisecond before falling to the floor, turning into nothing but ash.

The orange embers flicker, and for a moment, you see yourself in them – a fleeting brightness that threatens to be extinguished. The battle between ambition and self-preservation rages on as you grit your teeth and carry on working, oblivious to the embers slowly falling into nothingness, much like your own fading sense of self.

“Why on earth are you up at this hour doing work?” A voice calls from behind you, and the momentary intrusion shocks you, sending a burst of energy through you as you spin around.

Flopping down onto the sofa next to you, leaning back with his legs lazily outstretched, was none other than Mattheo Riddle. Clad in a plain grey sweatshirt and black jeans, he eyes you with curiosity, smelling distinctively of smoke. He had most likely been out, as he so usually was at this hour. You shrug, turning back to your work.

“Exams. Need to revise” You mumble, voice cracking. You swallow, massaging your dry throat as you grimace, trying to get back to your writing.

“Revise? Merlin, you're the smartest person in our year. You don't need to be revising” Matthep leans forward, plucking a piece of parchment from your pile and examining it with a raised eyebrow.

You snatch it back, a protective instinct kicking in despite the fatigue. You hated that sentiment. Despised it, even. People always assumed your performance came naturally. That you were simply born with the ability to do well. No one seemed to consider what you had to do to get to that point, how you wore yourself down, day in and day out, till you either passed out from exhaustion or pain, neglecting your most basic needs.

"I might be the 'smartest' person, but that doesn't mean I can afford to slack off," you reply, a hint of frustration in your voice. The adrenaline from the sudden interruption starts to ebb away, leaving you feeling even more drained.

Mattheo leans back, momentarily caught off guard by your defensiveness. He had never seen you this on edge. He was so accustomed to seeing you as this familiar presence during the school day his partner for the many lessons that he didn’t have his friends in. The two of you would work together and on rare occasions, hang out with one another in the common room as well. It was a rather unlikely duo, the king of Slytherin and the academic prodigy. Yet, More often than not Mattheo found himself seeking out your presence. He never admitted it outright, but he hugely admired you. Your intelligence, your drive, it all captivated him. There were times when he hoped he could be only half the person you were.

How funny it was, for you felt the very same thing when you saw him. He seemed content. Happy. He was loved by nearly everyone. Popular, with a fun social life. He had everything you wanted without putting in any of the work.

You wanted to be like him. But you weren’t. And if you wanted anything like what he had, you had to work damn hard for it. So that's what you did. With a small sigh, you turn back to your work.

“Hey,” He says gently, his voice softening slightly. "I’m sorry. I say stupid things sometimes.” He apologies, brows furrowed as he looks at your back facing him.

“It's fine. I should be saying sorry. You didn't say anything, I just…. I’m just a bit tired, that's all.” You mumble, apologising as you get up. You stretch, a yawn escaping your lips as you wearily rub your eyes.

“I'm gonna run up to my room and grab some more parchment. I’ll be down in a second,” You say, shrugging off your school robe as you turn to walk away. You ascend the stairs leading to your dorm, tossing your robe onto the sofa next to Mattheo as you do so.

Your robe slides off the sofa and hits the floor, a faint clinking sound echoing through the empty room as you disappear.

Curious, Mattheo looks down at your carelessly discarded robe. He reaches down, picking it up. It weighs heavier than it should be, and Mattheo can't help but feel a twinge of curiosity, He eyes the now empty staircase before reaching into your pocket, fingers brushing against a smooth glass vial.

Not just one, but a few.

Frowning, he turns out your pocket, and four identical glass vials tumble into his lap. Picking one up, his frown only deepens as he reads the label.

“Wideye potion?” He mutters to himself, the confusion on his face morphing into something else as the pieces fit in place.

He had admired you for your intelligence and drive, and now he was confronted with the reality of your struggles. The contrast between your achievements and the seemingly carefree moments he sought with you becomes stark. He berates himself for not having noticed early, for having let you fall down such a destructive path.

Jaw clenched, he gazes at the piles of books you had been working through, rolling the empty vials between his fingers as the sound of your approaching footsteps snaps him out of his thoughts.

You pause in confusion, noticing the scrutinising depression plastered on his face as he looks up at you, rolls of parchment bundled in your hands.

"What's the Wideye potion for?" Mattheo questions, his voice cutting through the silence with an uncomfortable heaviness. He holds up the empty vials as evidence, his gaze piercing through the exhaustion in your eyes.

Caught off guard by the confrontation, you glance down at the vials and then meet Mattheo's eyes. A brief moment of silence hangs in the air, the crackling embers of the fireplace filling the empty silence.

“Research. For uh, potions.” You respond, internally berating yourself for coming up with such a weak excuse.

Mattheo's expression remains stern, a mix of frustration and genuine concern etched on his face.

"Don't bullshit me," he says, his tone direct and uncompromising. "I found these in your pocket, and 'potions research' is a shit excuse. I’m going to ask you again. What’s the wideye potion for?"

You shift uncomfortably, feeling small under his scrutinising gaze You clear your throat, speaking.

"It's just to stay awake, you know? To keep going. I only take it in extreme circumstances" you explain, your voice betraying the exhaustion that has settled in.

Mattheos jaw clenches, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he looks to the side with a sigh, visibly frustrated.

“Extreme? And what would that be, hmm? Because right now I'm looking at four empty bottles, and God knows how many more you’ve thrown away.” He snaps, his expression softening as he looks at you.

You feel a lump forming in your throat as you struggle to find the right words. Why on earth were you close to tears? Why did you feel like crying?

“I-” You start, trailing off as you stare at the floor.

Mattheo cuts through the silence, his tone still stern but laced with concern. "This isn't okay. You're smart, and you know better. You can't keep doing this to yourself. What if something happens? What if you collapse or get seriously sick? It's not worth it."

After a moment, Mattheo's expression softens, and he exhales deeply. "When was the last time you ate?" he asks, the concern evident in his voice.

Shit.

You pause, hesitating before admitting quietly, "Breakfast...yesterday."

Mattheo's features tighten at your admission, his eyes reflecting a mixture of frustration, anger, and genuine worry. He rises from his seat and strides towards you, his footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent room.

"Yesterday? Are you serious?" he says sharply, his voice carrying a weight of both concern and disbelief.

You remain silent, unable to meet his eyes, feeling the shame and vulnerability washing over you.

“Seriously? Fuck, what’s wrong with you? Why would you do that to yourself?” He chastises you, and you snap.

“I have to! You don't fucking get it, do you? I don't have anything else to fall back on.” You start, dropping the parchment onto the table in front of you.

Mattheo's expression shifts from concern to confusion as you lash out. "What are you talking about? You have plenty more than just academics. You're talented, you're smart, and people care about you. Why are you reducing yourself to just grades?"

You scoff, a bitter smile playing on your lips. "Talented? Smart? What does that even mean? It's just a facade, a cover-up for the fact that without these achievements, I'm nothing. I don't have friends; I don't have hobbies or interests. What am I without my grades?"

Mattheo tries to interject, "You're a person with-"

But you cut him off, "No, you don't get it! I'm just a number, a ranking, a test score. Everything I am is tied to how well I perform academically. Do you know what it's like to feel like the only thing you're good at is studying, and even that's slipping away?" You snap anger evident in your tone as you spin around to face him, your weary eyes meeting his.

“It’s the same thing every single day. I wake up, bury myself in books, and push myself to the brink just to feel like I matter. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't talk to anyone. I’ve spent my whole life isolating myself and neglecting my most basic needs for this! If I stop now, then what's left of me?”

Tears start to well up in your eyes, and you hate yourself for showing such vulnerability. Mattheo's stern demeanour softens as he watches you unravel.

"I can't stop, Mattheo. I can't afford to. Because if I do, what's left of me?" Your voice trembles.

Mattheo's heart drops at your words, guilt and hurt clawing at his insides. He can’t fathom the idea of you suffering so much, and him being blind to it. How could you not notice how incredible of a person you are beyond all of this? He’d give anything in the world for you to see yourself through his eyes. For you to feel the way he feels when he's with you, even for a second. To know that he’d do anything you asked him to because he cared for you. Not the one who gets outstanding on all their tests.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mattheo finally speaks, his voice softer, genuine concern written across his face.

You shake your head, a mix of frustration and desperation in your eyes. “Because you wouldn’t understand. No one does. They just see the grades, the perfect student. They don’t see the mess behind it all. And I can’t let them. I can’t let anyone see me like this.”

Mattheo moves closer, his expression shifting. “You’re wrong. I do understand. Maybe not completely, but I want to. You don’t have to face this alone.”

You scoff, wiping away a tear. “Why? What do you care? You have everything, popularity, friends, a life. I’m just the study partner, the smart one. I can’t burden you with this.”

Mattheo remains silent for a second, before he speaks.

“Every other Sunday, you go down to Hogsmesde and buy a hamper of sweets form Honeydukes. You take it to the children’s school and volunteer there for an hour. Everytime you visit, you make their day.” He starts.

"You're not just grades," he says, his voice gentle. "You have quirks that make you who you are. Like the way you absentmindedly tap your foot when you're deep in thought. Or how you always carry a small notebook, and I bet it's filled with more than just class notes. I've seen you doodle in the margins."

He continues, "You have a wicked sense of humor, even if you don't show it to everyone. I've heard you snort-laugh during our study sessions. And don't even get me started on your taste in music.How you call that dastardly jazz music, i’ll never understand, but you can’t resist humming along to the tunes of the Wizarding Wireless Network when you're studying. Your fondness for Chocolate Frogs and your inexplicable aversion to pumpkin juice.”

Mattheo's eyes light up, a small smile tugging at his lips as he recalls more details. "Remember that time in Charms class when you made your quill dance across the room just to see if you could do it? Or when you brewed a prank potion that turned the water in the Prefects' bathroom blue for a week? You have a mischievous side that not many people get to see." He continues, looking down at you sincerely. He remains silent for a second, eyes scanning over your face before he steps back, sighing.

“I don’t know how to do this emotional, sappy bullshit. I don’t do it. But with you, I do. I want to. Other people want to. That’s what you do.” He says, voice quiet.

You remain rooted to your spot, somewhere between disbelief and gratitude as you stare up at Mattheo. How did he know all that? Why did he know all that?

“You noticed?” You speak up, voice alarmingly quiet.

He looks at you as though you’ve just asked him whether the sky is blue.

“Of course i’ve noticed. It’s impossible not to.” He murmurs, and you know he’s being honest.

Tears prick in your eyes again, and it’s as though all that exhaustion and neglect has come crashing back down on you tenfold after Mattheo had called you out. You try blink them away but alas, you simply couldn’t. Before you can even say anything, Mattheo steps forward, pulling you into his chest as he wraps his arms around you in a tight embrace. He holds you tightly, not even entertaining the thought of letting go as your tears soak his sweatshirt, tentatively accepting his embrace. His heart clenches at every tear that falls from your eyes, and he can’t tell if he’s horrified or accepting of the fact that he’d give up everything to relieve you of your burdens, even if only for a day.

He rubs your back soothingly, and you can’t help but let it all out.

It’s rather cathartic, really, because you've held onto this weight for so long, and now, in Mattheo's arms, it feels like a moment of release.

As your tears eventually subside, you pull back, both embarrassed and utterly shattered. You look down, sniffling as you wipe away your tear stained eyes when Mattheo hooks a finger under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him.

People often said that the eyes were a window to the soul. You never really understood that, but in this moment, you felt as though you were gazing into the very depths of Mattheos being.

With a tenderness that betrays the boundaries of ‘just friends’ , he wipes away your tears with his thumb, looking down at you.

“Come on. Let’s get you up to rest, yeah?” He hums, quietly. You nod, having to tear yourself away from his touch.

He leans down to pack away your stuff, not letting you handle a thing as he throws your stuff over his shoulder.

“You can stay in my room, if you’d like. Theodore’s out for the night so I can take his bed.” Mattheo says.

You consider it for a second. You didn’t particularly fancy heading up to your room with Mattheo, for fear of your roommate awakening to see you in such a state. You nod, speaking.

“Yes please.” You say, voice embarrassingly hoarse from having cried so much. You pray Mattheo didn’t notice.

Of course he did. But, he chose not to draw attention to it, instead resolving to run down to the kitchen to get you a cup of tea.

You follow Mattheo into his room, which you were no stranger to. Having projects together meant endless hours of collaborating, and opting to avoid being pestered by your roommate and her friends (who had a rather amusing infatuation with Mattheo), you worked in his room instead.

“Help yourself to some clothes if you’d like. They’re on the right.” He says, carefully draping your school bag and robe onto one of the desks. You thank him, smiling softly as he cleans the mess he had left.

“Go lie down. I’ll be back in a second” He says, turning away as he exits his room. Swiftly walking down to the kitchen, his head is reeling with thoughts of you.

He chose not to confront the feeling gnawing at him in light of your breakdown. He didn’t want to deal with that just yet. In no less than 10 minutes he’s carefully treading up the stairs to the dorms once more, a cup of chamomile tea in one hand and some small crackers in the other.

You hadn’t been eating, nor drinking, and the idea of you neglecting yourself so much sent Mattheo into an uncomfortable state where he found himself riddled with anxiety.

Just friends, right?

He clicks open the door to his room with his elbow, precariously walking over with the tea and crackers in hand as he goes to set them down on his bedside table. His eyes flicker over to you, and a small smile tugs at his lips as he sees you already fast asleep, curled up under the covers. The sight of your slumber brings a warmth to Mattheo's heart. He watches you for a moment, taking in the soft rise and fall of your breath, the delicate features that are usually tense with stress now softened in sleep.

The sight brings him more peace than he wishes to admit, and the looming reality that he had to eventually confront only pressed down on him further.

But for now, he didn’t care.

Because in your peace, he found happiness. And he’s sure he’d never find anything else more beautiful.

Possessed by a wave of sentiment that betrays his usual self, he can’t resist reaching out to tuck a stand of misplaced hair behind your ear. Before he can even comprehend what he’s doing, he leans down and presses a soft , brief kiss to your forehead.

He pulls back and finds himself slightly taken aback by his own actions. The quiet room, filled only with the soft sounds of your sleep, almost seems to amplify the beating of his heart.

Mattheo stands there for a moment, looking at you with a mix of tenderness and confusion. Then, shaking off the unexpected surge of emotions, he retreats to Theodores bed , slipping out of his clothes as he goes to lay down. He had to resist the urge to turn around and catch a glimpse of you once again, and lets out a small sigh as he shuts his eyes.

Mattheo Riddle was not a man of sentiment. He was not soft, and he most certainly did not go out of his way for others.

You had changed that. And he couldn’t figure out whether the prospect was one he was ready to welcome.

[creatingblackcharacters]

how can I as a 13 year old combat things like racism? I'm not white btw, not black either

13 🤣 wow. Been a long time. Tbh, the rules of being a good ally are practically the same as an adult. But I'll try to modify. I assume you're asking about anti-Black racism.

When you hear your friends joke about something racist, be willing to call it out. "Hey y'all, that's not funny." Be unwilling to go along with the joke, and if they don't stop, find somewhere else to be. Dismiss yourself from that space. Otherwise, you're choosing to cavort with racists, and the people around you will recognize you as one also. I'm sure that's not what you want to be!

Show solidarity with your Black classmates! I know my school had a Black Students Club; while idk if you'll be allowed to attend the meetings, if they share information, hold events, and discuss important topics (maybe a teacher is being racist), listen to them! Be willing to get vulnerable and uncomfortable and hear what they're saying. You shouldn't walk in thinking "oh by being here, I'm surely not racist". That's not true. But by listening and learning, you'll (hopefully) start actually internalize what it means to be antiracist. And if you're a person of color, you might build some more solidarity over shared experiences and history!

Get educated about the world around you! If the 13 year old Black kids around you are old enough to experience the full, violent brunt of racism (Black kids young as 6 have experienced police brutality), you are old enough to learn about how to help! There are books and podcasts and YouTube videos that discuss these things. Stamped and How To Be A (Young) Antiracist by Ibram X Kendi come highly suggested (the first is a book and a Netflix doc, the second is a simplified version of the original. I enjoyed both).

I recognize every kid isn't safe enough to fight their parents about beliefs. But if you can do nothing at all, start paying attention to how that antiblackness permeates your space at home. In what they say, in how they act. If you do feel safe enough to start those conversations, do so! Say "hey Dad, I learned this today while reading and I think-" It doesn't have to be a fight! And if you feel like it's turning into one, be safe and pull back. But hold strong to what you've learned- just bc it's not the status quo to be antiracist doesn't mean it's wrong.

[adachimoe]

If this guy had just been a magician then we wouldn't be dealing with this shit

During one of his Social Link rank ups, Adachi implies some things about his career. I know, I know, he said "I became a cop because GUNS". But also: he's a dumbass.

Thus far, the player has only seen Adachi being a bumbling moron running away from a little old lady at Junes. But we see a side of him we haven't seen before: It turns out that he has sleight of hand and he's quite good at performing magic tricks.

He doesn't think he could have made a living if he had gone into a profession working with his hands, even if he does demonstrate that he's good at it. He does acknowledge that his life might have been different. And when fiction does things like this, we in the audience know that the unspoken implication is that he would be a lot happier this way.

Adachi doesn't exactly try to hide how much he hates his life. But, at the same time, it's not like he tries to do much to change it. Part of it we see in his rank 6 social link when he talks about how "I'm lonely, but it's easier that way". But another part of it is that by being a police officer instead of a magician or something else, he gets to work at a government job. Job security certainly contributes to one's quality of life.

But I think there is something else worth noting about this, and it's based entirely off the year Adachi was born - 1984. (Insert the "literally 1984" calendar meme image here.)

Adachi was born when Japan's economy was flourishing and the Yen was quite strong. Based on the timing, I think his parents had a kid under the assumption that, "Japan is prosperous, the Yen is powerful, things are great, everyone has money, or other valuable assets (stock/land)". If you've played Yakuza 0, this might vaguely sound familiar when it comes to Kiryu's story and his adventures in real estate.

This is a hilariously bad and overly simplified explanation, but it wasn't until the year after Adachi was born when the country and the bank began having economic issues. This eventually lead to the big blow up in the early 90s, stock and real estate nosedived, and the whole country went into a period of economic stagnation called the Lost Decades.

During Japan's period of growth, the country was seen as a powerhouse. My dad remembers when Japanese tourists were traveling all over due to strong yen - really a reversal of how it is now with people flocking to Japan due to how weak it is. People there would get a job and be set for life. While this was thanks to their economy and the assumption that "Wow, we have a lot of $$ in land and/or stocks, things are great", the "hired for life" thing can also be seen as being tied to Japanese labor laws. This changed after the economy exploded, and some companies began taking on temp workers who had less rights and less protections.

If you start to compare Adachi's situation and birth year to the main cast, it's really no wonder they make him so damn mad and frustrated lol.

Yukiko and Kanji can inherit their family businesses. Their families aren't wealthy, but they have stable businesses they operate out of their family homes. They can inherit both land and jobs.

In Yukiko's Social Link, she talks about getting licensed as an interior coordinator as a backup in case the ryokan doesn't work out... Hm, I think learning that she even has options would piss Adachi off further lol.

Naoto I am under the impression is doing well since she already has a career as a detective, plus the backing of her grandfather.

Yosuke's family doesn't own Junes, but his dad is the manager at the Inaba store, and nepotism is a thing. But it seems that he too has options, as in Ultimax, he's going to cram school so he can go to university.

Rise already has a career. Unfortunately, it's part of Japan's terrible and exploitive idol industry.

Even Marie has a career, it seems.

One can assume that if Adachi's parents got on his ass if his grades dropped, then Adachi does not stand to inherit something from his parents (or perhaps their assets lost value?), nor is he already successful.

Chie feels like the outlier here. From what we know about her, her parents don't have a business she can inherit, no famous grandfather, she's not a popular idol, and she doesn't have Main Character privilege. We also know from her Social Link that she wants to become an officer like Adachi.

Really, I think Adachi is too young to have grown up on promises of some kind of prosperous future thanks to Japan's strong economy, merely to have the rug pulled out from under him and have his dreams crushed in 1991 (he'd only be 7, after all). So where Chie might optimistically see the ability to help and protect people as an officer, Adachi might see stability and survival because of his parents and how they raised him and the economic situation.

"Don't be a magician, get a secure job" is something our parents would tell us in the west too, so maybe it doesn't seem that special or related to their economic situation at all. Pretty sure his folks would say it to him even if he was born some 10-15 years earlier. But I think it does help illustrate why he would pick security (or why his parents picked security for him), his failure case (have fun being a replaceable temp worker while waiting for your big break as a magician), and what some of his ire towards the Investigation Team is about (he had to study; why do they get to go kill god after school???). In some ways, he feels like an American millennial whose life was affected by economic circumstance, but everything that comes out of his mouth makes him sound a boomer lol. Get off my dungeon lawn, you damn kids.

[buginateacup]

Thoughts on the new Megamind movie and series

Hello friends it is Bug review time!

I have watched the new movie and show all of one time each. I'm gonna talk about what I liked, what I disliked and some thoughts on the new characters and places where there are cracks in the story to drive a roadtrain worth of fanfic through

A disclaimer before we begin, I am thirty or forty years old and I am not the target audience for this shit. I love Megamind and am a hardcore Megarox shipper and also a world building focused fiend. The original definitely had a broader age bracket appeal but this is a show aimed at something like 6-12 year olds. Therefore for better or worse they had to simplify and audience surrogate the shit out of a lot of this.

Megamind vs the Doom Syndicate

To be honest I think you could skip this and go into the new series cold. It's not a movie its a movie length pilot. It was fine and it definitely smacked of Studio Interference going "But you have to explain and set everything up!" (spoilers you don't). The Doom Syndicate is fun if very kid friendly and I'm looking forward to seeing more of them. Behemoth and Knighty Knight are my pals and Pierre Pressure and Lady Doppler are my catty bitches.

The dialogue was good but the pacing felt lopsided. It really felt like they were retreading things that happened in the original movie, especially Minion's entire arc which he just went through two days ago? They did a good job with it but still!

Stuff I loved

FAKE EVIL DATING - I wish they'd shown them actually having to pretend to evil date. But of all the things I thought I was going to get it certainly wasn't that! (So much fanfic y'all. So Much Fanfic).

All of the Doom Syndicate calling out that Megamind and Roxanne obviously have A Thing and neither of them dealing with it well.

Roxanne just casually hanging out in the Lair and also taking charge. that's my girl! Also she's a complete morosexual and she and Megamind deserve each other.

Mayor Roxanne. I didn't adore HOW they did it, I think you could tease a whole season (or an exceptional fanfic) out of Roxanne finding herself not only bored of her job but dealing with the trauma of "Every time I look at the camera I see Hal beyond it and maybe I have some issues with that" and wanting to make changes.

Megamind's Bedroom! There was a sound like a million fanfic writers crying out in glee.

Minion and Roxanne being bros!

Minion out of his suit! It was creepy yet adorable!

The Mayor being useless. When you are used to having a hero who solves every problem, why wouldn't you have a useless Mayor? (I like that he comes back in the show)

The Doom Syndicate in general. They had a good range of designs and were at their most fun when bickering together.

Mr Cuddly Snuggles.

Stuff I didn't love

It felt like a retread of a lot of things that happened in the original movie. Which it has been 14 years so fair, but also if you're going to set something two days after the events of the movie, why make it a photocopy of the original?

Everything that Keiko was doing in the movie that could or would have been done by Roxanne if we were still going via the original characterisation (Roxanne broke into an entire villain's lair right after Megamind took over the city but Keiko's the one with the bat???).

Megamind just spent a whole movie going on about how he didn't share the spotlight and it caused a rift with his oldest friend (again) but sure, we couldn't do this without you small child we just met an hour ago. Its pure audience surrogate and YoU CAn'T bE mEaN to CHiLdrEn! but it makes the pacing feel even more lopsided that this can be so rushed when the whole Minion thing (and not even touching on the whole Bernard issue) got all the attenion and sure we'll just shove this in as well.

(This is the part where I admit parentification of characters is a MASSIVE squick for me and anytime I read about people wanting to make Megamind and Roxanne Keiko's new parents it makes me want to throw up in my mouth.)

Also Exposition voicing the "I was bad but you showed me I didn't have to be" is sooooo not for me. One thing the original movie was extremely clever about was showing how privilege and wealth played a part in Megamind and Metro Man's eventual roles. Megamind wasn't just a bad guy, he was raised in a prison, totally othered, looked different to everyone else on the planet and sent to the naughty corner even when he tried to do things right. While Metro Man was a white western male fantasy who landed in the lap of luxury and even his bunker is a monument to himself.

This was totally discarded for the new movie and I think its the poorer for it, simply because it was such a SMART and SUBTLE thing that is actually relevant.

Again, for kids. Not aimed at me. But I still think it does a disservice to kids not addressing that whole very important aspect.

End result: It's been 14 years since we got any content and I will take it for what it is, a movie length pilot of Baby's First Megamind for a superior tv show. An opportunity for a thousand gifsets and Roxanne running somebody over with a firetruck. If you're watching to get something out of it you probably will. I will be writing 12394393487 fanfics about Megamind and Roxanne actually having to prove they are dating to the Doom Syndicate.

Megamind Rules

Definitely better quality than the movie (I'm not going to talk about the animation etc because frankly the answer should always be pay your animators better and give them more time).

LOVED Megamind just breaking into Roxanne's office. Nice to seee some things never change. LOVED the Bodyswap episode (again, so much fanfic). LOVE LOVE LOVED Megamind and Roxanne laying on the kitchen floor together. We did not get enough scenes of them alone together.

LOVED Christina Christo, tired adults just trying to get their jobs done is my JAM and CREAM and SCONES and I love her (also why I loved Roxanne in the original). Loved her and Minion hanging out in episode 5. They need to be buddies more.

LOVED Roxanne wanting metal tickets for Megamind, everything about them having a shared history and interests filled my heart with glee.

LOVED the shot of Roxanne aiming the degun, Mucho sexy.

Loved Roxanne and Lady Doppler havign a history. How come we got more about tha than we did Megamind and Roxanne?

LOVED Megamind and Roxanne bonding over old kidnappings.

Ep 3 was heaps of fun. Doctor Doughnut was silly yet joyful. and I appreciate the Go Fish gang appreciation of his evil laugh.

The move from news reporting to streaming is actually a reasonable thing to happen, but I wish they'd delved into it better from Roxanne's side of what the shift away from traditional reporting and media meant for her. Social media and news have changed A LOT since the original movie. Again its one of those rich seams that fanfic exists to delve into.

LOVED the cockroach episode, but a missed opportunity for YOU RAISED A CHILD (TWO CHILDREN!) IN JAIL HOW ABOUT WE EXPLORE THAT A LITTLE MAYBE??

I guess we just...have a giant Minion in the lake now?

LOVED the Doom Syndicate just hanging out. Lady Doppler is me, sitting on a bench drinking tea.

The cliffhanger is a cliffhanger because they wanted a cliffhanger. But so help me if Roxanne isn't working from the inside in the next 8 episodes I will riot.

Characters

Megamind. Learning to be a person is right. Every time he got to be one on one with another character he became more himself. Every time he was one on one with Roxanne I was riveted.

Roxanne. My girl! They sidelined the shit out of her in this series! Sure she went off and got herself top job (Megamind and Minion calling her "Your majesty" was for me specifically) but so much of what made her a fun character in the movie (complete lack of fear in the face of villainy, her banter with Megamind, her willingness to just break into a villain's secret lair to find shit out got pushed onto Keiko and it left Roxanne with nothing to do. I don't know what they're planning for the future but I could see Christina taking over as Mayor eventually and Roxanne joining the crime fighting crew.

I HATED every time they called her Roxie, that was set up as an unwelcome nickname in the movie so I don't know why they backflipped on it here. HOWEVER I am prepared to accept it on the basis it made Megamind saying "Roxanne" in episode 8 that much more impactful (though they still could have used Miss Ritchi).

Keiko. I love Keiko as a character? But I hate her role in the show. She's the audience surrogate and the "Kid Relatable" for the kids to latch onto and they had her Exposition Voice in the DS movie what was actually much more cleverly crafted and characterised in the original movie. As a person she's cool and I like having her in the show I just wish it wasn't at the expense of Roxanne. They could have kept her as streaming socials girl and still left the investigation/danger to Roxanne and it would also have meant more time to explore what the Megarox relationship could be building towards/developing from.

I cringed all the way through Keiko dealing with the Doom Syndicate because it was telegraphed from a mile away such a tropey Kid Approved plot. I LOATHE making the tension about characters who have fucked up needing to admit they fucked up when its way more impactful to have them fess up immediately and put all the tension into how to solve the problem.

Machiavillain. He looks like a cunty Barbie villain and I love that for him. I assume we have to be getting the other 8 episodes at SOME point because otherwise that's a lot of Adam Lambert for not a lot of payoff.

Minion/Chum. ALSO learning to be a person and I have always had a soft spot for him. Showing that he has about as much sense as Megamind is a delight.

Christina Christo. I love her and I love that she and Megamind are constantly arguing for Roxanne's affection. Probably my favourite new addition.

End result: It's very Studio Approved For Kids! Enjoyed the show a lot more than the movie length pilot. Needs more Roxanne. Needs 10000 more game nights with Minion's electroshock orgasm ball.

Megamind was and is a PARODY of the superhero genre, break more rules! Don't just plod through the studio approved plot points! Having the original movie be all adults was actually really refreshing because you could get a lot more out of subtle shit without having to spell it out. One of my biggest peeves and the cause of a lot of fanfic is why is shoving Megamind into the hero role any better than shoving him into the villain role? Let him go be a mad inventor without having to save the city! Let him be a crime fighting villain!

And finally, so help me if Roxanne isn't front and centre beside Megamind where she belongs in the next season I will start biting.

FUTURE FANFIC I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO READING/WRITING

All of the evil fake dating. Make them have to fooool the Doom Syndicate. Make Roxanne need to stay over. make it only one bed. Make kisses with Megamind where they haven't even talked about the Bernard thing yet and they are both so messed up about it. (Fun fact! I wrote a fic with this premise way back before the show was even announced.

We're still fooling the Doom Syndicate and oh no they want to help plan the wedding.

We're still fooling the Doom Syndicate and oh no now we're actually getting married.

Roxanne actually dealing with her issues after the movie and why and how she goes into campaigning for Mayor.

Megamind and Roxanne breaking in the mayoral office (obviously).

Filthy sexy bodyswap shenanigans

How did Roxanne figure out Megamind's ticklish spots?

10 thousand character driven Roxanne hanging in the Lair moments

10 thousand Megamind hanging on the couch in Roxanne's office moments

A highly charged Roxanne and Lady Doppler bitter evil exes interaction (just for you @ejga-ostja)

Doom Syndicate shared public workspace office. Or just some random person going in to use the printer and constantly getting dragged into lackeying for them.

Metro City Meme War

An actual introspection on the move away from traditional news media and how it impacts Roxanne's decision to seek a new career.

Christina and Roxanne eat doughnuts and bitch about municipal planning

A Christina POV watching Megamind and Roxanne flirt/have awkward moments/dance around the Thing via a crack in the office door

A Christina and some other person in city hall epsitolary fic told via emails reporting on Megarox developments to the person running the pool and slowly getting more invested in these morosexuals getting together.

Megamind coming to find Roxanne for game night and finding her sacked out on the couch because being Mayor is HARD and napping on the floor beside her because being a hero is hard too

An absolute fuckton of hypnosis kink

Roxanne using her mayoral powers to address the fact that Megamind and Minion were raised in a prison and NOT ON MY WATCH THERE WILL BE REPERCUSSIONS AND WE ARE GONNA ADDRESS SOME SHIT

[niteshade925]

Apr 11, Xi'an, China, Beilin Museum (Stele Forest):

Continuing from the previous post about the museum... I have a LOT of pictures from this trip to Xi'an, almost 900 pictures total. For the sake of brevity, I will not post all of them.

Jingyun Bell/景云钟:

The Jingyun bell is a giant bronze bell cast in 711 AD (Tang dynasty), this bell was originally inside the Bell Tower of Xi'an/西安钟楼, and bear the inscription written by Emperor Ruizong of Tang/唐睿宗 (full name Li Dan/李旦). This bell is 2.47 m tall (~8.1 ft), has a circumference of 4.86 m (~15.9 ft), has a diameter (at opening) of 1.65 m (~5.4 ft), and weighs 6 metric tons (~6.6 US tons).

Fun fact about Emperor Ruizong of Tang Li Dan: apparently he has the nickname of "六位帝皇丸", or "Six Emperors Wan". "六味地黄丸" is the name of a prescription in traditional Chinese medicine, but here it's used as a pun. This is because Li Dan himself had been emperor twice, his father Li Zhi/李治 was the emperor (Emperor Gaozong of Tang/唐高宗) before him , his mother Wu Zetian/武则天 made him cede the throne to her and became emperor after his first reign (Emperor Zetian Dasheng/则天大圣皇帝), his older brother Li Xian/李显 was an emperor (Emperor Zhongzong of Tang/唐中宗), and finally after his second reign, he ceded the throne to his son Li Longji/李隆基 (Emperor Xuanzong of Tang/唐玄宗). So that's the 6 emperors, and they all came from himself and his immediate family.

Just in case that was confusing, here's his family tree:

One more fun fact about the bell itself: it provided the bell sound sample heard at midnight in CCTV New Year's Gala every year. The bell itself probably won't be sounded anymore for conservation purposes--it is over 1300 years old at this point. The bell currently inside the Bell Tower of Xi'an is a replica.

Classic of Filial Piety Set Upon Stone/石台孝经:

This stele is also among the most famous in the Beilin Museum, as it combines the calligraphy work of two emperors of Tang dynasty, Emperor Xuanzong of Tang/唐玄宗 Li Longji/李隆基, and his son, Emperor Suzong of Tang/唐肃宗 Li Heng/李亨, and also has excellent examples of 4 different scripts. Specifically, Li Longji wrote the Classic of Filial Piety/孝经 (a Confucian classic text) and annotated it in lishu/clerical script/隶书, then added comments in xingshu/semi-cursive script/行书. Li Heng wrote the title in zhuanshu/seal script/篆书 (see picture of the actual stele below), and a memorial written in kaishu/regular script/楷书 by Imperial College Chief/国子监祭酒 Li Qigu/李齐古.

Since the stele actually has inscriptions on all four sides, here's the complete rubbing:

Here's the pavilion over the stele, picture from Wikipedia. The bian'e/匾额 (can be understood as a sign) says "stele forest"/碑林 (read from right to left), and was by Lin Zexu/林则徐 (1785 - 1850). The exact reason why 碑 is missing a stroke at the top is unclear, but one thing is certain: that was one of the correct ways to write the character. It's just that modern standardized systems of written Chinese (both Simplified and Traditional) only accept 碑 as the correct form.

Cao Quan Stele/曹全碑:

One of the most famous steles in the museum. This stele, which praised Cao Quan's accomplishments, was written by Wang Chang/王敞 and was erected in 185 AD (late Eastern Han dynasty). It is important for two reasons, first is because it represents lishu/clerical script/隶书 at its full maturity by the end of Eastern Han dynasty. The second reason is because it provides a great source for scholars studying the history of that time, particularly with regard to the Yellow Turban Rebellion.

A closeup at the calligraphy:

Li Mountain Hot Springs Poem/骊山温泉诗:

This one isn't particularly famous, but it is one of my personal favorites from the exhibition. The calligraphy was by Prince Guo/果亲王 of Qing dynasty (full name Aisin Gioro Yunli/爱新觉罗·允礼) in 1735, and is in the xingshu/semi-cursive/行书 script.

Emperor's Calligraphy Work in Daguan Period/大观圣作之碑:

This stele is actually not part of the Beilin Museum's collection, since it's currently located in Zhaozhou, Hebei, China. I thought I should include it here, because the writing is in a script that I've never really talked about before, which is the shoujinti/"slim gold script"/瘦金体. It's a variation of kaishu/regular script/楷书 that's invented by Emperor Huizong of Song/宋徽宗 Zhao Ji/赵佶, who is the calligrapher here, hence the title.

A closeup of the calligraphy:

Stele of an Imperial Edict/加圣号诏碑:

By Zhao Shiyan/赵世延 in 1313 (Yuan dynasty). The content is an imperial edict in 1307 that posthumously bestowed the title of "Great Completer, Ultimate Sage and Exalted King of Culture"/大成至圣文宣王 upon Confucius. The purpose of this picture is just to show what the bigger steles really look like, as ink rubbings definitely don't do them justice. The top is decorated with two carved dragons, and the stele is mounted on a stone bixi/赑屃, one of the 9 sons of the loong that has remarkable strength and looks like a turtle (with teeth).

And finally a pagoda tree/槐树 outside the museum that is 1100 years old (planted at around the end of Tang dynasty):

[duhragonball]

Roundabout

I watched CJ the X's video about Rick and Morty, mainly because I kept seeing people screencap the parts about perfectionism near the beginning. Well, I thought I should see it for myself, and then I wound up getting pulled into the "Story Circle" concept used by series co-creator Dan Harmon.

This may be old news to a lot of people-- in fact, I'm sure it is, because Harmon admits that this is heavily based on the monomyth concept popularized by Joseph Campbell. I've never fully appreciated the "Hero's Journey" idea before, but I think Harmon has refined it by simplifying the names of the steps. "Atonement with the Father" just becomes "Take", and that's a lot easier for me to grasp. Campbell probably never meant to suggest that every story features a literal "atonement with the father", but his work involved identifying common elements in story structure, so I'm sure he had trouble coming up with fitting names for everything.

Harmon's circle might be a little too simplified, since there's a lot to unpack in the word "Take", but his model is focused on making a formula to write new stories, as opposed to comparative mythology. What I like a lot about the Story Circle is that Harmon insists that it's not a rule that must be learned and followed. Rather, it's an observation of something all humans do when they tell stories, whether they realize it or not. But sometimes it can be helpful to be made aware of the pattern, like checking a map even when you're familiar with the route.

It can be fun, although probably distracting, to apply the circle to existing works. The Star Wars movies used Campbell's monomyth as a blueprint, so that's probably too easy. But it can also be used on individual scenes too. Luke(1) falls down a trap door and now he has to find a way back out (2) before the rancor eats him (3). He manages to avoid being eaten using a bone and some nooks and crannies in the pit (4) but at last he finds a door out of the dungeon, except it's locked, leaving him cornered (5). But he manages to drop a heavy gate on the rancor as it approaches him, which kills it (6). The bad guys then open the door to bring him back to Jabba (7), who now prepares to feed him to an even worse monster outside (8).

And that probably sets up the next cycle in the movie, where Luke saves everyone from the next monster, and so on. I think at long last I understand why these kinds of story structures are presented as "circles" or cycles". You don't have to do multiple laps, but the structure allows you to do so, and acknowledges that multiple cycles can also form a larger circle, and so on.

With episodic television series, the final step, change, often means reverting to the status quo. There's a M*A*S*H episode where Radar tries to become a serious writer, and he keeps trying to inject his army reports with purple prose, until finally Hawkeye explains to him that he has to use his own words and stop trying to imitate what he thinks the "pros" use. So Radar does learn a lesson, but the lesson basically puts an end to the weird dialogue he was using the whole episode and puts him back to normal. The Korean War doesn't end, and Colonel Potter doesn't die, and Klinger still wears dresses, but the structure is still followed and sets up the next cycle.

I can see how this is very useful in a writers' room for a television show, especially one like Rick and Morty, where the characters seem to be capable of almost anything. It probably helps to take stray ideas like "Rick turns himself into a pickle!" and run that through a formula to make sure you can get a working script out of the gag.

Anyway, I'm currently trying to use it to flesh out some ideas for my fanfic, since I have a lot of story beats I want to accomplish, but I don't have much to connect them together. Using the Story Circle seems to be helping me figure out which pieces I'm missing, so maybe this will compensate for all those years where I could just use DBZ Episode 66 and Xenoverse 1 as loose outlines that I could follow. This fall, I gotta build my own story skeleton before I can fill it in, and the clock is ticking...

[mario-art]

HELLO, you made such an interesting point in the tags of my post:

You know what’s funny? Is that Thrawn is really being turned into a “Machiavellian” type of villain, but what’s even funnier is that Machiavelli himself received this type of treatment. Now idk how much familiar you are with the 16th century author, but just know this: Machiavelli and “Machiavellian”, and whatever people can take from him, is heavily misunderstood (I actually really hate the use of the adjective, but perhaps that’s a story for another type). Now I know that Zahn wrote Thrawn based on a certain extent on the Machiavelli archetype (I remember reading it somewhere, pardon if I have no proofs), but I’m actually laughing hard thinking that as characters they are having the same treatment by popular media. Lemme explain: Machiavelli wrote the Principe not because “oh he cynic!1!🥶He mad!1🤬”. No. Machiavelli wrote what he wrote because he wanted to save Italy dalla Ruina, from its ruin. Machiavelli dreamed of a more compact and unified Italy. He had a vision and just as much as Thrawn, he wished to serve his people, Florence (in Thrawn’s case, the ascendancy) and Italy (which didn’t existed at the time).

And now, with Thrawn being reduced as you said in a villan without complex motifs, I can’t help but think how poetic is to be doomed to the same narrative as the figure who inspired your existence. Maybe this was planned all along, I don’t think so personally, but Thrawn is being oversimplified by Filoni the same way Machiavelli gets reduced as just a “pragmatic person” and “the ends justify the means” by everyone (don’t let me start on how wrong the quote is).

To sum up: Thrawn and Machiavellian are rhyming in the same direction in popular mainstream media.

This was my Ted talk, sorry in advance for possible writing mistakes, I just woke up✌️

Hiii! Thank you so much for the spontaneous Ted talk 😄😄 Your parallel between the Ascendancy and Florence+Italy is sooo on point, it blew my mind for a second. Now I have to delve deeper into it

Actually there was a period of time when I was really invested in this topic, I read his 10 letters, history of Florence +the Prince obviously and almost fell from a chair when they put him into Assassins Creed game, but now there're just small bits that I remember. Maybe it's time to refresh things

I didn't know that Zahn was actually inspired by Machiavelli. I'm new to this part of the fandom, so I haven't read anything about him or his working process, but after you mentioned it I'll take a note for the future. I must confess I learned who Thrawn was only during the Ahsoka show and due to the fandom. Like there were so many memes about him here on Tumblr, there's no way fans will hype some basic dude so much. And then my friend recommended the new trilogy

So yeah, it's such a pity that not 1, but 6 books of new material got completely ignored and the character simplified to what we've already seen so many times literally everywhere. You phrased it beautifully

I haven't read the old trilogy yet, heir to the empire, only know the plot in general, but I'm curious what exactly motivates Thrawn to rebuild the empire. And how the characterization of him differs between these trilogies. Is he mostly the same or did Zahn change the character after so many years like Terry Pratchett's Vetinari evolved from the very first version of the Patrician to his later works (I can't help comparing them after yesterday, though I hadn't done it before idk)

So yeaah... At least I'm happy that there're so many talented fans here and we can happily ignore whatever happens on the screen 🙃

[dantelionwishes]

happy pokemon day, everyone!! [jumpscares you with new refs of my ocs] DO YOU REMEMBER THEM DO YOU MISS THEM DO YOU LOVE TH-

had new refs of my 2020 ocs made to commemorate- these guys initially got me drawing + posting art again so i gotta give it to them for being the OGs 👏👏 and a big thank you to everyone who stuck with me ever since they debuted 3 years ago!

descriptions under the cut in case my handwriting is illegible:

CHAMPION D

shades with special lenses

uses ultra balls

front logo

dynamax band

relaxed mode- hair down & glasses (he's near sighted)

back logo

gloves

low social battery. hyper extrovert champion vs crybaby introvert trainer

eye detail = 9 colors can be simplified to 6 from afar

puberty blockers keep him...short!

GYM LEADER POPPY

military cap

belts

dogtags with his information (he sometimes forgets...)

his pokeballs are also labelled from the bottom

all his pokemon have this (red) bandanna & dogtags

bandages are purely psychological. poppy forgets he isn't injured anymore & puts it on only to comfort himself

lost half his fingers, some toes, and an ear when he was 10 years old- frostbitten from freezing in lake acuity. (he has prosthetics now though)

pants back design

hair goes to his right side

belt strap

eye detail

wears gloves- hides prosthetic fingers

TRAINER/RANGER TURQUOISE

"collar"

"skirt"

gets a scar post-oshawott incident

uses luxury balls

tie pin

eye detail

wig

real hair is RED!

clothes underneath

flirtatious prince who steals girl's hearts

BLUE BIRTHMARK on nape

fingerless gloves + painted (black) nails

[mrknaogan]

I finished this one for a friend's 7 year old and delivered her today.

Ursula from the Little Mermaid, I found the pattern book in an op shop in Kyneton on the way up to the Australian Sheep and Wool Show last July. Of course I had to stop at the woollen mills that very day and buy yarn. She is knitted in Bendigo Woollen Mills Classic 8ply for the majority of the colours, the rest of the colours are yarn from the back room which looked and felt and handled awfully similar to the Classic (and also machine washable to boot).

She took about 6 months from cast on to sewing the buttons on with me spending the majority of that time avoiding weaving all the ends. I am convinced that the pattern designer had a sadistic streak to them as there were heaps of spots with only 3 or 4 stitches in a colour even after me simplifying the pattern down to about 4 less colours. The pattern did specify a massive amount of embroidery which I left off because my embroidery skills are non-existant.

Wah-lah!

[twistedtummies2]

Top 6 Castlevania Protagonists

It’s still May, so I’m still going on a Dracula-thon for the month. So, I guess it’s time for some more Castlevania focus!

A while back, I did a list of my Top 15 Castlevania Characters, overall. The problem with that list is that it was actually really, REALLY difficult to sort out the rankings for most of the characters involved, for lots of reasons. One of them is that the Castlevania franchise has gone through so many evolutions over the years, with no less than three separate continuities (more if you count a few of the one-off non-can games), each with its own unique cast of characters, as well as different spins on characters that pop up throughout the series as a whole. I therefore decided it was a good idea to revisit the idea, and simplify things by splitting the concept of the list into two separate, smaller lists: one for the protagonists of the series, and one for its antagonists. This is the former of those lists.

Now, when I say “protagonists,” I’m referring to the MAIN protagonists. I’ll be judging what counts as a main protagonist via the games, since that is where the franchise originated: to qualify for this list, the character must be a playable central character in at least one of the video games. This will not count characters who are just side figures, such as Saint Germain, nor will it count characters who can only be used as playable figures in a special mode, such as Julius Belmont: these two examples, and others, are certainly awesome in their own ways, but they aren’t the characters we really focus on in the Classic games primarily, and are also usually not central figures in other spin-off works.

With that said, there are still quite a lot of characters to choose from. Some of them are Belmonts, some of them are other heroic figures. Some of them wield whips and chains, while others wield swords or magic spells. All of them, however, typically share the same basic goal: to protect the world from the evils of Dracula and his children of the night. I’m keeping this list relatively brief, simply because - after a certain point - all of the characters sort of bunch up together, and it’s hard to keep track of them all and how they would rank. So, with that said, I present to you all my Top 6 Main Protagonists from Castlevania!

6. Hector.

Hector is the main character in “Curse of Darkness,” one of my favorite 3D-style Castlevania titles. He is a Devil Forgemaster: a human who has the power to summon damned souls from Hell, turning them into monstrous soldiers. Prior to the game, Hector was actually one of Dracula’s war generals: one of the few human servants the undead Count had. However, when Hector felt that the vampire’s bloodthirsty plans to destroy the entire human race had become too much for him to handle, he fled the Castle. This inadvertently helped to allow Trevor Belmont to destroy the Count. Years later, in the events of the game, Hector returns to Castle Dracula, in order to settle a score with his old rival and arch-nemesis: fellow Forgemaster, Isaac, whom Hector blames for the death of his wife. In the process, Hector discovers schemes to bring Dracula back from the grave, and thus must use the powers he once used to help the Count to defeat him before his plans can begin again. I love characters who have redemptive arcs or dark pasts they have to overcome; Hector is a great example of this, as he used to be a villain - one of Dracula’s top agents. This makes the story of his return to the Castle, his quest to stop the monster he once served, all the more interesting. Hector is one of a few characters on this countdown who was later adapted into the animated series; like many of the characters there, this version kept many of the basics of his backstory and appearance intact, but also took some unique liberties. In “Curse of Darkness,” Hector is a stoic and aggressive warrior, prone to following his heart more than his head. In the Animated Series, he’s reimagined as a more reserved, passive-aggressive, scheming character, who has a story arc of growth and maturity. Both versions are excellent and worthy of praise.

5. Trevor Belmont.

Speaking of the animated series, it’s largely BECAUSE of that continuity that this character makes it onto the list. The Castlevania series - at its core - is the story of two basic, feuding factions: Dracula vs. The Belmont Clan. The Belmonts are a family of monster hunters who have fought with Dracula time after time, across the centuries: every time he is resurrected, a Belmont is usually somewhere trying to send him back to Hell where he belongs. However, in my opinion - and this is going to be VERY controversial for Castlevania fans, I suspect - most of the actual Belmont CHARACTERS aren’t really all that interesting. When Trevor started out, he was no exception: in “Dracula’s Curse,” he is one of four playable characters, and I would argue he is one of the least interesting of the three. What little we know about him makes him pale in comparison to the likes of Alucard, Dracula’s own son with vampiric abilities, or Sypha, a sorceress with various magic spells at her fingertips. (Or even Grant, who is a stab-happy pirate.) This was in the early stages of gaming history, and back then, characters typically weren’t all that well-developed: they were mostly just avatars for the player to use to explore or fight with, and that was basically Trevor’s role. Over the years, however, as the games progressed and evolved, Trevor DID start to develop: more layers were added to his personality and his character. In the Classic games, Trevor became one of the mightiest of the Belmonts: a serious and charismatic warrior who was somewhat jaded by his battles, but could still be reasonable and recognize the good in people around him. But it was with the Animated Series that I feel Trevor really became a fully-rounded character on the whole: the series took those jaded qualities and expanded upon them, as Trevor starts off as a disillusioned soul with a tragic past. Over the course of the series, through facing increasingly bitter and brutal trials, he learns to accept his role and status as a hero. He’s easily my favorite of the "Classic" characters who bear the Belmont name, but since a big portion of that comes from the TV series more than the original games, I didn’t feel I could rank him TOO highly.

4. Jonathan Morris & Charlotte Aulin.

I was originally JUST going to give this slot to Jonathan, but after consideration, I decided to give both of the main protagonists from “Portrait of Ruin” their fair share of credit. This is largely because so much of what makes “Portrait of Ruin” great comes from the fact it DOES have two main protagonists: the gameplay relies on a sort of buddy system, with various obstacles that can only be overcome by using both characters, and with each character having their own special set of skills. However, not only is this doubling of protagonists important to the gameplay, it’s also an intrinsic part of the story. These two have a sort of “brains and brawn” relationship: Jonathan is the latter half of that equation. He is prone to anger and excitement, always itching for a fight, and tends to use his fists (or his sword, or his whip) before his head. He follows his heart and his instincts before all else, and while sometimes this serves him well, other times it gets him into trouble. Charlotte is the opposite: she is EXTREMELY smart, but also extremely kind and empathetic. However, she’s also much more cautious - sometimes to a fault - and has a habit of rambling and “geeking out” about things, which can sometimes cause problems in its own way. The two balance each other beautifully, both with their contrasting personalities, but also their abilities: Jonathan is very much a straightforward fighter, using melee-focused attacks and bodily force. Charlotte is a brilliant young mage, who uses spells and her wits to solve problems. I should also point out that Jonathan is actually a descendant of Quincey Morris, one of the main characters from the original novel of Dracula, and one of the few American main characters of the franchise: as an American myself, and as a HUGE fan of the Stoker novel, I’ve always appreciated these facts quite a lot. They definitely earn him a soft spot in my heart on their own.

3. Gabriel Belmont, a.k.a. Count Dracula.

Most Castlevania games focus on the main characters fighting Dracula…but what about a game where you play AS Dracula? This was the approach the “Lords of Shadow” series took. LoS was an attempt to reboot the game series, with its own lore and aesthetic approach, inspired by “God of War.” Fans remain mixed about the trilogy of games that came out of this trial, for a lot of reasons. Personally, while I think the reboot trilogy was flawed, I still think it was interesting and had lots of merits all its own…one of them being that instead of Dracula being the main villain of the games, in two out of three titles, Dracula is actually your main character. In the first game, “Lords of Shadow,” you play as Gabriel Belmont: the patriarch of the (weirdly Scottish now) Belmont line. It’s ultimately revealed that, after the tragedies and tribulations that occur for Gabriel in this first game, along with some later misadventures found via DLC story arcs, he actually BECAME Count Dracula. In “Lords of Shadow II,” the player now controls Dracula in full force, as he is resurrected in the present day to face old enemies in a new world. Gabriel/Dracula is the quintessential anti-hero: while he does and has done a lot of terrible things in the games, he’s not depicted as a straightforward villain. Instead, he’s a tortured soul who is struggling to figure out who he really is and what his purpose in the universe should be, and has to deal with inner demons (some literal, as well as figurative) that he cannot fully control. Top it off with the character being voiced by Robert Carlyle, and it’s pretty clear why this was such a fun ride. I know placing this character in the Top Three is going to be another controversial decision, but at the end of the day, getting to play as Mr. Gold as Dracula is all this NEEDED to make my personal highest ranks.

2. Soma Cruz.

As much as I love playing as Dracula in “Lords of Shadow” and its sequel…technically speaking, this character from the Classic era of the games did it first. Soma Cruz is the main character in “Aria of Sorrow” and its sequel, “Dawn of Sorrow.” He is a relatively normal young man from Japan, and is depicted as what might be termed a sort of "nice delinquent." He's ready to fight when it comes down to the wire, and he's not necessarily the most elegant person in the world, but he isn't a bully or a thug. (He also has an AWESOME fashion sense, and seems very proud of that.) He's protective of his friends, tries to help people in trouble, and gets flustered at the attentions of his best friend/love interest, Mina. (Hello, Stoker reference.) However, it’s eventually revealed that Soma has strange powers he never realized before: he’s naturally gifted with weapons he’s never before touched, and has the ability to consume the souls of the enemies he defeats, as well as use magical abilities like it’s second nature. It’s eventually revealed that the reason for all this is a dark one: Soma is actually the reincarnation of Dracula himself, and the Count’s evil spirit essentially lives, dormant, inside his body. If Soma isn’t careful, he could be lost to that inner darkness, and the good person he is will effectively die, with Dracula - memories and powers all intact - being reborn. The games thus become a story of Soma struggling with his own inner darkness, fighting to avoid giving in to temptation and stop himself from becoming Dracula. He has to not only face opponents who want to try and bring the Count back, but also those who would destroy him in a misguided attempt to prevent that from happening. It’s up to the player if Soma succeeds and remains the good, heroic spirit we all care about, or fails and allows himself to become the King of the Vampires. It’s a magnificent concept, which allows for all kinds of fun possibilities in terms of character, story, and gameplay alike. It’s not a surprise that Soma makes the top ranks for many people’s lists of their favorite Castlevania characters, and while he isn’t my personal number one…hey, second place ain’t half bad.

1. Alucard.

Alucard is a character who was automatically interesting from day one, just because of a simple fact: he is the Son of Dracula. The offspring of the main antagonist for the entire series, who has to fight his father to save the world. That is a compelling concept no matter which way you look at it, and since his first appearance in “Dracula’s Curse,” he has only continued to develop and become more interesting. In the Classic series, his shining moment was in “Symphony of the Night” - one of the most lauded Castlevania games, and the beginning of the “Metroidvania” approach to the series. In that game, Alucard is the main character, and the story goes into great detail about the relationship with his family and the reasons he chooses to fight against his own father. In later games, Alucard would continue to pop up, usually as a sort of guide or supporting player for other characters who needed a helping hand (such as Soma, our previous pick). Being as nigh-immortal as Dracula himself, he was just as capable of continuing the battle. In the “Lords of Shadow” series, the character was conflated with Trevor, to fit the new lore of the reboot: in that version, Trevor is Gabriel’s son, and gains the name “Alucard” when his father - not realizing who he is - transforms his son into a vampire, in order to save him from true death. The two start off as enemies, but eventually become allies. Then there’s the Animated Series, which returned to the roots of the Classic games, but took a few interesting twists: after succeeding in destroying his own father, with the help of Trevor and Sypha, Alucard ends up going on some misadventures on his own, as - much like Trevor and many other characters in the series - he is forced to try and figure out where he stands. He has no mother, no father, and is utterly alone in the universe; this causes him to start to lose his way, and it seems like he could potentially end up just as wicked as his father…but eventually, he manages to find the light and prevails as a hero once more. EVERY version of Alucard is great, in my opinion (though I personally think my favorite is the Classic version, overall), because the basic struggle he has to go through is such a simple and compelling one. The rivalry between father and son, and the way their relationship is depicted in each rendition, is ALWAYS fascinating to see, and combining that with Alucard’s rarely-meddled-with design (which is absolutely awesome) and his vampiric capabilities, he instantly becomes an intriguing figure. Alongside Soma, he’s many people’s choice for the best main character in the series, and I am of total agreement there. There’s no doubt he is My Favorite Protagonist from Castlevania.

HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…

Richter Belmont.

The main character of “Rondo of Blood” (and its remake, “Dracula X Chronicles”), as well as a secondary figure in some other games. Probably my favorite Belmont after Trevor, and for me, personally, the most visually iconic. I should point out I haven't actually watched "Castlevania: Nocturne" yet, so maybe when I get a chance to see that show, Richter might take Hector's place in the top ranks.

Leon Belmont.

In the Classic games, Leon is the progenitor of the Belmont Clan. He appears as the main character in “Lament of Innocence,” the prequel to the entire Castlevania series at that time, which tells the story of how the Belmonts’ feud with Dracula began. “Lament of Innocence” is his only proper appearance to date.

Sypha Belnades.

Much like Trevor, it’s primarily thanks to the Animated Series this character gets into the ranks. We don’t really know much about Sypha in the Classic games, and she is only briefly alluded to in the Lords of Shadow reboot. In the Animated Series, however, she is one of the main protagonists, and is just as interesting as Trevor and Alucard.

[love-is-a-pearl]

Alright, I will be honest:

I don't like Black&White saga cause it feels like flopoed retcon/reboot of pokeanime. Like, in the beginning it cut ties to previous sagas and regions. Like, after whole THE BUILD UP in Sinnoh, it felt like Ash got robbed. Also doesn't help that in beginning they isolated Unova pokemon from previous generations. And the thing is, is that 5 gen pokemon design already stylistically different from previous ones: more round, simplified.

Also, it didn't help that relationship with rivals are less close and tense than in Diamond&Pearl. Like, all other characters beside main trio feels shallow and caricatures. In Sinnoh, both Ash and Dawn learned something from their rivals, Paul and Zoe were REALLY IMPACTFUL to them. But when we compare Iris and Dragon huntress (yes, I don't even remember her name)... That's basic. Like, Iris's rival surved as plot tool few times at best.

But second part of saga is better (*cough - cough * cause Cynthia and Dawn came back *cough- cough*) : old pokemon are back, we see mythical pokemon in action. Also, I enjoyed Decolora arc!

Good points of BW:

I like Cylan and Iris. For Iris in particular... She feels like Misty's other version, but in a good way. I also like her story arcs with her team, like damn, homegirl got her own Suicide squad in pokeworld 😂.

Also, there's Team R... One one hand, it's was hard for me to see them drop comedy tone. On another hand, they demonstrated us how much dangerous they can be! Like, they got their business! Our trio was more menacing than whole Team Plazma, honestly 😅.

All in all, my main issue is that Black and White drop most of connections with Diamond and Pearl. Like, transition was too DRASTIC. But I do understand, that there ate people who adores 5 gen. I mean, I heard that 5 gen games was top tier. It's just, unfortunately, I stsrted to dwell into pokemon games since 6 gen, so I was unable to even play Black and White. Maybe in that case I watched anime in different context.

Also, I really like movies in that saga! Like Keldeo and Mewtwo (or Newtwo ( if you know you know)) put everything in their movies, and Victini's one with TWO DIFFERENT VERSIONS was low-key something in cinematic universe level.

... That was looong ask, but I really need that out of my chest 😅

Nah, dont worry, go and vent its the first step to overcoming trauma lol I joke but seriously, if everyone sat down to understand what they dislike and like about a season like that, things would be so much simpler :v

BW is totally an attempt to a soft reboot! But there's one thing I feel folks often forget: The games themselves were that too!!

The lack of pokemon pre gen 5 was something that came from the games, as unova was the first region outside of Japan. Pokemon company was trying to start anew from all sides and that ended up affecting the anime the most because for some reason, it was decided that they would star anew, but keep a familiar face in Ash.

And then we have the fact that the BW games got a sequel immediately after, Black and White 2, and the story on those was directly connected to the first games, showcasing an Unova 2 years after BW1 (highly reccomend them btw, some of the best overarching story in pokemon games ever)

And like, the anime started with the narrator just saying Ash was still 10!! Someone surely made that a rule in the background, so how could they tell the story of a Unova 2 years later with a main character that just couldn't age?

So the writers just had to do their own thing. And probably made up so much of it halfway and also explain why they just scrapped so many characters of the day post league. They just wanted some time for people to forget the first half of BW to try and implement things from BW2.

And that's the thing, this issue is not from BW only. We know for a fact that there were plans for Ash to leave the anime during Johto, but they couldn't just say goodbye to him, so he stayed. Black and White was just the culmination of that decision. And I feel like hating on it alone is just… not aknowledging that pokeani is flawed from the get-go yknow?

What made BW that weird is what made Ash and Serena and the Kalos loss weird, what made journeys weird and what made 2beamaster miniseries that FUCKING WEIRD.

BUT GOSH TRIO!! Now the way those 3 were handled in the season is one thing I can't excuse lmao

People love to talk how out of character Ash acts this season, even though is not even that OOC when compared to pre DP, but TR were the ones that felt like complete different characters! And while I enjoy the whiplash of Ash gang doing silly things overlapped with very serious evil dutiestm, I feel like that that was a bad decision throught and throught. I get that at first they wanted a Team Rocket vs Team Plasma situation, but doing that with the TRio is just so weird.

HELL YEAH, I LOVE THE NEWTWO MOVIE! It makes no sense but gosh Mewtwo2 and genesect's relationship is just so ADORABLE i love them so much. Is those kind of stuff that makes me sad about BW, folks see a mewtwo that is not the main one and they dont give it a shot, but is such a heartwarming story in the end.

[thenightling]

For those who missed the clues in The Invitation

To my frustration there are people who saw the 2022 movie The Invitation but did not realize that it was a Dracula movie because the name is never said out loud. 

If they had said the name out loud this would be considered “idiot proofing.”  That is the impolite term for when Hollywood over-simplifies things for an audience that they think is either stupid or not paying attention. 

Here are all the “clues” that Walter De Ville in The Invitation was actually Count Dracula.

1.  De Ville is the alias Dracula used while fleeing the heroes in the novel Dracula by Bram Stoker.  It’s a pun on the fact that the name Dracula can translate to mean Son of the Dragon or Son of The Devil.  Son of the Dragon is actually more accurate since the historic Vladislaus Dracula was a member of The Order of The Dragon, as was his father.    2.  His home is called New Carfax Abbey.   Carfax (usually called Carfax Abby in movies) was the English property Count Dracula buys in the original Dracula novel by Bram Stoker.  3.  You can hear a wolf howl in the background in some night scenes. There are no wolves in England (not for centuries) however Dracula, in Bram Stoker’s novel, could transform into a wolf at will.

4.    During one of the kill scenes (the one with the flickering light effect) you can hear the squeaking of a bat.  Dracula, traditionally, can turn into a bat.   In this particular kill scene you see him swoop down from above.  

5.  He’s a vampire Lord..  Dracula is a vampire lord, possibly even the king of vampires (in some films).   6.   De Ville has three wives / brides.  In the Dracula novel three woman vampires reside in Dracula’s castle. They were not called brides, however, until the 1931 Dracula movie starring Bela Lugosi.    

7.  One of the two remaining brides (after one killed herself early in the movie) is named Lucy.  Lucy was the name of the first woman Dracula turned into a vampire on Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula.

8.   One of the two brides is named Victoria.  This may not mean anything at all but the original Dracula novel was published in 1897 and set in 1891, the Victorian era.  In Anno Dracula, Dracula turned Queen Victoria into a vampire.

9.   There are scenes depicting heavy mist at night.  Dracula’s shapeshifting powers were usually reserved for night time in most depictions (though in the novel he can walk about by day).  It’s hard to tell if he conjured the mist or if he IS the mist.  Remember, Dracula is a shapeshifter and wolf, bat, and mist are his most common forms.  But he could also control the weather.

10.  When Evie learns the truth about Walter De Ville he tells her that his preferred name is one that means son of The Dragon.  She figures out what this means and says something like “So you’re...” and he smiles.  Remember, the original meaning of Dracula is “Son of The Dragon.”  

11.  When Evie flees Walter De Ville she comes across a seemingly kind, elderly, couple by the names of Jonathan and Mina Harker.  Jonathan and Mina Harker were two of the heroes in the Dracula novel.  Keep in mind that the vampires in Dracula can change their apparent ages at will, partly based on how well fed they are. There are photographs in the Harker house that indicate they are at least a century old, indicating that yes, these are the Jonathan and Mina Harker of the Dracula novel.  Dracula did turn them both into vampires after all.        12.  When Walter De Ville is badly wounded by Evie he ages into the form of an old man.  The vampires in Bram Stoker’s Dracula novel can change their ages at will based on how much they feed or how healthy they are.  Usually Dracula is depicted (at youngest) looking about forty-five or forty-six-years-old when well fed.  13.  Walter De Ville is shown with claw-like retractable nails, pointed ears, and retractable fangs.   These are traits from both the original Dracula novel by Bram Stoker and Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula novels.

14.   When Walter De Ville turns Evie into a vampire this is done via a blood exchange where she drinks his blood, much like what Dracula did to Mina in Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  And much like in the original Dracula novel it was believed that Evie would revert to being human if she killed him.  

15.  The alternate ending of the movie shows De Ville in his old man form aboard a ship, healed or healing from Evie having “killed” him.  If you know Hammer Dracula movies you know that like Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger, Dracula never stays dead.  Also Dracula is known to have incredible healing powers. He appears to have re-attached or regenerated his lost hand from his fight with Evie.    

16.   His butler “Mr. Field” is credited as Renfield.  Renfield was the mentally-ill man from the original Dracula story who was Dracula’s loyal disciple.  It looks like Dracula gave him immortality after all.   

17.   Renfield softly addresses Walter De Ville in either Romanian or Hungarian a few times in the movie, both languages are languages Dracula would speak and would be considered his native language. (Transylvania was a part of Hungary in 1891, when the Dracula novel takes place, before reverting to Romania a few decades later in the 20th century).

18.   Various characters (including Renfield) call Walter De Ville by “The Master.”  This is what Renfield often called Dracula in the original Dracula novel.  The Master’s song is even a song number in Frank Wildhorn’s Dracula The Musical, sung by Renfield.   

19.  Earlier in the film Evie’s friend warns her not to trust any man with a goatee. In the original Dracula novel he had a handlebar-like mustache in his old man form but a goatee in his more youthful form.

20.   Walter De Ville gives Evie several dresses including one that is blood red.  This is very similar to the dress Dracula gives Mina in the 1992 movie Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

21.  Victoria deliberately scares Evie in her bedroom similar to how The Brides messed with Jonathan Harker in the original Dracula novel.  Also Dracula, himself, had scared Jonathan Harker by walking on the ceiling. 

22.  Evie goes to sleep wearing an Outlander t-shirt.  Though this could just be a shameless plug for he show, Outlander is a romance dealing heavily with magick, time travel, ghosts, witchcraft, and even some immortals.  One episode of Outlander even had a character watching the 1960s Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows (which featured a vampire protagonist usually looking for his lost love or trying to protect his large and dysfunctional family).  The movie The Invitation also features at least one actress from Outlander so this could have been a nod to her.

23. Walter De Ville is shown to have no reflection if you look very carefully.   Dracula, of course, casts no reflection in the mirror.  This is also why Evie’s room has no mirror.  They claim it was broken and hasn’t been replaced yet. 24.   The small but predatory birds on the grounds are shrikes.  They impale animals on spikes and then eat them.   The historic Dracula is also known as Vlad the Impaler.  Țepeș just means impaler.  The spikes to supposedly keep out the birds would make for very convenient impaling implements FOR the birds. The historic Dracula impaled his enemies on long wooden spikes.  He also supposedly impaled small animals out of boredom while he was imprisoned by the king of Hungary.   It seems the Shrikes carry on that tradition.   

[wishful-seeker]

My simplified story of my CRPS and experience with ketamine.

I've had crps for 5 years now. I developed it at 18 years old after completing a triathlon and getting tendinitis in my knee, which became crps. Over the course of 2 years it spread to both knees, both elbows, and both wrists. For the past 3 years i have been mostly bedridden. I couldn't walk for more than 3 minutes and even when i did it was excruciating, i couldn't touch a computer, any video games, i couldn't write anymore, i could barely make art anymore, i had to stop writing in my journal and had to keep it on my phone because of my pain. I cannot even sit in chairs or drive or run or jump. I use a wheelchair when i leave the house. When it was its worse it felt like i was being burned alive. I remember days when feeling okay lasted literal seconds and then it was gone. I remember days being in so much pain i couldn't pick up my phone and my mom had to spoon feed me. Days where all i could do was lay in bed and think. I remember days when i desperately wanted to go outside and feel the sun, when i walked outside i would count to 10. I would soak up everything i could in those 10 seconds, the colors of the sky and the fresh air. When the time was up i went back to bed and couldn't do that again for another few days.

I started ketamine infusions a year ago, i was diagnosed last year. I had infusions before i was diagnosed. First we did a 2 hour infusion. It worked wonders, for six weeks i actually jumped on a trampoline for a few minutes almost everyday, i even climbed the low branch of a tree and sat on it. Then we did a 4 hour infusion. The results were not the same. I tried four more 4 hour infusions every six weeks, but there was no relief. I was devastated. I thought the universe was cruel to even give me such hope. Then i got diagnosed and i was told of a place in Clearwater Florida with dr. Hanna that did infusions differently. I went there and met him, he prescribed a 4 hour infusion every day for 10 days, 5 days, the weekend off, then 5 more days, he also prescribed oral ketamine, 30mg 3 times a day on the weekend, one at night on infusion days. I did that. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. It felt like dying a thousand times. I almost gave up and left early because i hate the experience of ketamine so much. But after the fifth day my dad noticed me bouncing my leg when i was sitting, something i did all my life up until crps which made it too painful. Thats when we realized, since the second infusion, i was in ZERO pain, none at all. That continued until i got home and i had a flair. I always get a flair after infusions, this is very normal for me, but it was scary. I worried the hardest thing i had ever done wasn't worth it. The flair ended, and i tried playing minecraft, my favorite game I've been unable to play for years. I had a system: play for 20 minutes, rest for 20 minutes, and repeat. I played for HOURS. I tried again the next day and it was the same, and the day after that, and the day after that. Six weeks after Clearwater i had whats called a booster infusion, which was 2 days of 4 hour infusions. Then i went two MONTHS until needing my next infusions, which i had two weeks ago.

Here is what my life looks like now: im still in bed most of the time, but i do not think of the pain, it doesn't distract me. It used to be 7-10/10 now its 3-6/10. I play minecraft with my best friend almost everyday often all day. Last week i painted a dresser. I have a garden i lightly care for each day. After the infusions before this one i had a day where i was completely able bodied, i baked a pie, went to the park, transplanted plants and played minecraft. Not only this, but even when the infusions wear off it still has permanent beneficial effects. In the past, no ketamine meant i was taking 4 scolding hot baths a day to soothe the pain in my knees. Now no ketamine means bath some days, maybe 2.

It's over. I made it. I made it to a life i thought was impossible and its not even done getting better. I am happy. I am not suffering. I am regaining freedom. It. Is. Over.

[vegaly-art]

Ortho Shroud is NOT a Child, a Comprehensive TWST Analysis

Heyo! I am just your average TWST fan with a very deep appreciation for characters and love of overly verbose essays. I have a few I’ve written out in the past on characters I like (and especially Ortho, as I find him generally interesting AND misunderstood) and I thought sharing my opinions with the fandom could do a bit of good. :) Also it helps set up for some secret-ish projects coming to this blog soon enough ;). Also spoilers for Book 6, and many of Ortho’s Vignettes under the cut 

 Ok so, to start of I think I should preface by explaining Ortho's fanon interpretation (or at least the most popular one that I have seen), just for context so I can compare and contrast it to my own analysis of his in game character. Ortho in fanon is, in his simplest form, a child. I assume that this stems from 3 main reasons. His appearance, voice, and mannerisms. Ortho Shroud is quite short, and though we cannot be certain of the timeline of his creation, his body is AT LEAST a few years younger in appearance than his technical age, due to the way that he was built by Idia. His voice is also rather high pitched, even compared to some of the other younger speaking characters such as Epel, and his mannerisms can be perceived as somewhat juvenile. He does have a slightly more simplified speech pattern unless talking about facts/statistics/robotic speech forms; he is very bouncy, moving around often, kicking his feet, etc; and his tone of voice also has a lot of emotion put behind it, leading to a more enthusiastic delivery. While all these things are true on the surface, I believe that they're a rather surface level interpretation of him, and applying the 'child' label to Ortho but not to other characters (Notably Kalim, Epel and Idia all for different reasons) is hypocritical. Mind you, I am NOT saying those 3 or any other characters are actually children, even mentally (though some of them are a touch childish), but simply that Ortho holds lots of similarity to them and, in my opinion, should be held to similar character standards.)

  In terms of explaining  and why I PERSONALLY think this fanon interpretation is surface level, I've got to get my categories down first. :P So I'll go through: - Physical appearance and traits (voice, tone, etc)  - Expression - Emotional Maturity (And character comparisons) -And some Psychology because I'm a fuckin nERD  Hope that works out. (Mind you, each section here is bolded so if you’d like to read through a particular section, feel free. Also, I will reference some vignettes or character comparisons in this essay, and also have more sources at the very end for further reading about Ortho within the game itself. So no wiki articles or whatever :P) Physical Traits and Appearance

  So starting with appearance, Ortho is quite short with a larger drawn head and eyes, but beyond that his actual frame is relatively fair for a teenager in the TW style, and just... by the rules of biology. He definently reads as either a rather thin short guy, or one who's yet to go through puberty which kinda makes sense since he was recreated from a kid who likely had at best just started puberty and then fucking diED- He has the broader shoulders (not as much so as say Idia but similar to Epel, Riddle, Ruggie or Kalim). He's skinnier than most of them so it's not one to one but he is similar. Head size when compared to his body is again similar to Epel and Riddle (no surprises there) And he has relatively well sized arms and legs, that are much more similar to other NRC students than say... Cheeka, for instance, who if he had the body of a 10 year old he would look MUCH closer to. Also it should be mentioned that he is significantly different than silhoette Ortho (who is about 8-9 years old). He is taller, with longer hair, MUCH stronger shoulders and an overall more varied silhoette in terms of shoulder/waist/hip ratio. He was clearly modelled to look older than Ortho when he died, and matches well with the other 16 year old characters on that front. Also, short guys exist. Like... Ortho’s Height guys, who are adults, not even teens. I feel like this is sometimes forgotten... 

 When it comes to his voice, yes it is rather high pitched for a guy, not helped by how expressive he also is (which I'll cover in the Expression section), however he is still at the end of the day voiced by a Male VA, and while not a COMMON voice type, I know a few guys with similar voices. Also, mind you, short/young looking men already exist in the game and are generally not called that. The main example is Epel, obviously. However he is not treated like a kid, potentially because of his actual inclination towards traditional masculinity (wanting to be tall, and buff). Same with Riddle too. He wants to be taller, and sees his short height as a detriment, while Ortho does not. Epel also wants a deeper voice, while Ortho does not, etc. However, I think his physical appearance and traits are not the main reason he's called a kid. But rather, his expression, as well as his much more subtle forms of maturity. 

Expression

Ortho acts in a way many may consider 'childish', especially with his expressive voice, strong mannerisms in terms of hand movement, 'juvenile' interests, and his generally playful movements in his chibi animations. However, while yes these things are associated with kids, you know what they're ALSO associated with??? 

 DING DING DING! Correct! 

Neurodivergent people!! :D 

Who get infantilized often for doing things like... hopping from side to side on their feet, or having strongly expressive (or inexpressive) voices, holding very strong fixed interests in things like video games, etc. Well... isn't that a coincidence. Ortho has all those traits (and more, including things like literally having to RESEARCH social cues and norms from things like films,  extremely strong sense of justice and somewhat black and white thinking, masking behaviours for negative emotional states or social incongruence, etc). .3. While I do think that to some extent these traits were, in universe, meant to represent the childish side of Ortho, we must also remember: Ortho is an ever changing AI, that so closely approximates a person he may as well be judged as one. And when putting that into context, his traits moreso seem like his chosen form of self expression. Because he has moments of being serious, or quiet and mature, in vignettes and the main story. He just choses to not act like that all the time for one reason or another. :P 

 Also, just to put it a bit into perspective, Kalim actually has a very VERY similar in expression to Ortho. Arguably you could say he acts even MORE 'childish' than Ortho does. He's extremely expressive in voice and posture, he's very positive and passionate and sweet, he's not the best at taking care of himself or taking responsibility for things, etc.

I don't think Kalim is a kid though, nor does most anyway. He's got his dumb or uncareful moments but he is also a housewarden, and has a slightly more 'normal' voice and build for someone his age... but if his expression is not childish, why is Ortho's? 

Emotional Maturity

 Oh boy- Ortho's emotional maturity is like... honestly insane. And mind you most of this is just from in game, and to put it into perspective I'll be comparing him to none other than his own Big Brother IDIA SHROUD!! 

Wee :D. Ok so... 

Ortho is a helper around Ignihyde dorm, and it's kind of implied he does things for both Idia and the dorm in several vignettes, like cleaning, grocery shopping, and other chores (based on vignettes and his Guest Room dialogues). He's also smart, good with handling emergencies like injuries and other medical issues, high stress situations where he has to make hard decisions about what/who to sacrifice for one reason or another, etc. 

 Idia is the housewarden of Ignihyde dorm, and is shown to be much more challenged in most of these regards. He doesn't take care of himself and his space much, though this is moreso due to severe depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses, which is understandable. He has been shown on several occasions to just... shut down when important decisions need to be made. And he forks over many of his own responsibilities, housewarden duties, emotional labour and other things like that on Ortho all the time, while not considering Ortho’s own feelings very much. He does grow from this and get more involved and serious when STYX is involved, and post Book 6 generally, but he's still not as skilled at it as Ortho.

 Not to mention Ortho's emotional knowledge and maturity. This boy can read people's emotions almost unnaturally well due to his research and some sensors and context reading, and he has been shown on several occasions to put his own wants and needs aside for the sake of others, especially his brother. He comforts Idia whenever he needs it, and is always putting on a bright smile for everyone around him, even when he is implied to himself be at least somewhat upset. Because he knows that sometimes that's necessary.

Psychological Development

 Also if we talk about emotional maturity, I shall also bring Psychology into this and discuss a bit about Adolescent brain development. Generally this development starts around ages 10-14, and continues until the ages of about 23-25 in most children, though it tends to start a bit earlier for AFAB people than AMAB people on average. Here are some key things that develop during this time: 

 - Sense of identity (Generally begins to solidify around 16-19, and becomes rather fixed though obviously not concrete, around the ages of 23-25) 

- Understanding of in the moment cause and consequence, as well as reasoning. (Varies, but often solidifies around ages 16-25, but is very very variable). Teens and young adults are extremely impulsive because their frontal lobes are not fully developed, meaning they are at least partially incapable of having strong future based reasoning in the moment. Of course they have the ability to rationalize large consequences, or look back in hindsight, but in moment to moment action they're less likely to be rational, and more likely to do things that may jeopardize their education, reputation or even life. 

- Friend Group formation. This is an essential part of the early to mid teen experience, since teenhood is when most people start to see their strongest bonds shift from being within family to outside of it. 

 - Understanding and Empathy. Proper Empathy by definition is usually present by age 6, however teen years are often defined by a unique form of self-entitlement and self-focus (though unintentional) that may cause issues with empathy. This is mostly due to having to navigate extremely complex emotions and experiences all at once, and because they can be so variable it takes several years of experience to build up true empathy, ESPECIALLY for adults such as parents/teachers, children, or otherwise people outside the age group.  Mind you, all of these CAN be achieved at much earlier ages than the ones presented here. The numbers here are general averages based around how one is socialized as well as average rate of brain development, however it is still generally limited by age GROUP. So someone who is in the 10-13 group may not be able to develop the traits more associated with ages 17-19, but someone 14-16 could.

 Now... take a guess which of these milestones Ortho has passed?

I'll spare you the wait. 

It's basically all of them. (Not entirely of course, he still has much to develop, but the development of most of these has at least gone a decent ways.)

 Ortho's identity, while still fluid, is clearly extremely centred even when we first meet him in game, and in all his cards he's seen to be rather consistent regardless of who he's with. He's curious, playful, cheeky, extremely intelligent and also notably EXTREMELY empathetic to the point of being almost scary (even if that empathy is not always... accurately placed if that makes sense) . Also he identifies a lot with Freshmen even before becoming one showing he views himself in a similar age range. And not just in an emotional way. While yes, Ortho clearly has empathy for others in the base term, it goes deeper than that. He is able to understand when he should be more strict, and when to be more lax. When to try and push someone to be better and when to be emotional support. He has a very deep understanding of what makes up people's minds and intents (known as Theory of Mind, which usually solidifies between the ages of 17-21 on average, though starts development around age 13), and acts accordingly. This can be seen in many of his cards. He is able to assess why Trein's cat was upset easily, and handled him with care (until he blew up the tree :P). He was able to see that Idia needed time alone when he didn't go to the Entrance Ceremony, and put his own want (to go with Idia, or go at all) aside to be there for him, and when Idia was becoming too reliant on his lab coat, he took it away (knowing it would only inconvenience him a bit), and also after warning him that it could have potential consequences (which it did have. He started a rumour about being some crazed ghost which Ortho deciphered as being about him IMMEDIATELY) Also on that note, he's acutely aware of cause and consequence, and has extremely strong reasoning skills. Not only is he clearly very good at pattern recognition (by virtue of being a robot), but also he has been shown to often be one of the most consequence aware characters. He understand the importance of education, and of mental health, and of outfits and behaviours and so on. This is EXTREMELY uncommon until mid-late teens/early 20s.

Final Thoughts

Now, I am not saying he has the same mental maturity as someone in their early 20s (he’s no Leona), nor that he does NOT have his immature moments. Of course he does, he's 16, but the point I am making is that there is simply SO MUCH about him that is NOT childish, and also so much that IS. Because he's a teenager and that is 100% expected, normal, etc. Ortho is extremely knowledgable academically, personally and socially (not that he is always entirely accurate but he IS knowledgable, so once he knows what he’s dealing with he’s good at doing so) but also he’s pretty mature compared to many other characters. Not as much so as Leona, Vil, Lilia or Malleus, but he’s up there. Even though his understanding of social cues is AT TIMES lacking, he’s impulsive, he does not fully grasp human ideals, and he’s easy to manipulate because of his singlemindedness, he’s got a lot going for him in the maturity angle.

 I'd argue that his exact presentation, however is most similar in concept to Jamil. Both of them are smart, and careful, and extremely EXTREMELY perceptive, but keep that hidden under a mask of averageness or youthfulness. However what Ortho is MAGINALLY better at than Jamil is his self-prompted Self Reflection and ideological change. He can put aside his own feelings for the good of others, and compartmentalize and deal with his negative emotions. Not always in healthy ways... but in ways that were not SUPER destructive most of the time. Jamil can, and does as well, but his world view makes reflecting on himself a bit more diffucult because he’s so focused on external circumstances for most of the game (Besides Book 4, a bit of Book 5, and a LOT of Book 6). 

But back to Ortho: Ortho was able to forgive and still care for Idia even after his overblot. He was able to accept for a long time that he was not Idia's brother, but had to play the part anyway for his sake. He accepted that he would not get a lot of things he wanted, though admittedly not in the healthiest way all the time. Ortho don’t call yourself selfish for wanting things pls-... And, after all was said and done, he was able to get enrolled as a First Year at NRC... clearly showing that he is of similar maturity compared to the other 16 year old students. 

Ortho is a 16 year old. And all this and more is why I think this.

Further Reading/Sources in Game that support my points:  - Ortho’s Dorm Uniform Vignette: He directly states he thinks of himself as a freshmen, and it also shows his careful planning, knowledge of (and how to subvert) concequences, and extreme knowledge of emotions of others and how to use them against them. - Ortho’s Archetype Gear Vignette: Shows his empathy and knowledge of Animals and people - Idia’s Labcoat Vignette: Shows his knowledge of cause and concequence, as well as basically directly compares it to Idia.  - Ortho’s Burst Gear Vignette: Shows his ability to put his emotions aside for others, shows empathy and selflessness, understanding of boundaries, and overall a very mature and healthy and selfless outlook on life.  - Book 6: Shows basically everything I talked about in this Essay. From his being 16 from offhand comments and being admitted as a Student at the end of the Book, to his knowledge of cause and concequence and ability to reason well and think through that stuff fast, emotional maturity in how he comforted students as well as his own brother, as well as his immaturities like his selfishness, closedoff-ness from other students and extreme sheltering, etc, and neutral things I may or may not have mentioned like his near obsession with Idia that he was programmed to have that makes him biased in his brother’s favour, his hyperfixations and general excitability, a taste of his existencial nightmare of a life (OH I WILL MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS), etc.  - Ortho’s Stargazing Gear Vignette: Ortho’s selflessness and genuine care for Idia, emotional maturity and so on. - Ortho’s College Gear Vignette: He has an extremely good understanding of his general intellect and skill, is very self aware and sure in his identity, and shows a love for learning and changing and friend group formation, both eccencial to the teen experience.  Ortho’s Role in the Fairy Gala Remix Event/Fairy Gear Vignette: Shows his drive and passion, his understanding of concequences and clear both interest in the gala and understanding of it’s improtance, creativity, ability to act on others’ pity and other emotions, very good spacial reasoning and more.  Ortho’s Halloween Gear Vignette: Him being similar to Kalim <3 Book 5: Ortho has some appearances in Book 5 and it shows both his playful teendome, as well as his emotional intellect, care for his brother, support for him even if he doesn’t find a situation ideal (since he knows he’s doing his best), etc. :) I will not be mentioning Book 7 as I have not read it yet, nor his cerberus gear. Mind you these sources are not extensive, just a quick list I made to prove a lot of my points but not all. :P I will expand upon them in future posts.  That is all!! Have a great day everyone and hope this made you think more about the amount of effort subtly put into Ortho Shroud and his characte

[hplovecraftmuseum]

ABANDONMENT. FEAR of the KNOWN, Part 3: Though H. P. Lovecraft didn't have much admiration for himself or his life as an adult he almost always wrote of his childhood years with nostalgia and as time of great potential. We have only a few photos of Lovecraft as a child, but these reflect very little of the odd facial features he would develope in adulthood. The portrait shown below left shows Lovecraft as a boy. Though he displays here the rather dull and somewhat lifeless stare common in most of his other existing photos, beyond the large, dark eyes, there is very little in common with his later self. The boy pictured looks somewhat 'delicate' but not particularly frail or sickly. It has been reported that HPL's mother refused to cut his hair until he was 6 years old. Though the boy in the photo might appear a bit smallish for a 6 year old we may assume the photo (obviously a professional portrait) had been taken to mark the event of his first shorn locks. At age 6 Lovecraft discovered the Classical World. He read Homer's THE ODESSEY in one sitting and even created his own simplified version of the tale as a sort offering to children of lesser genius? At 6 Lovecraft certainly looked like a normal child. One might even say that he was a handsome child. There are very few photos of Lovecraft in his teenage years. In fact the only one I've seen depicts him at 14. Although blurred this picture plainly shows that the strange elongation of his face, so familiar in his adult photos was already well developed. Though some fans do not see the adult Lovecraft as ugly or bizzare looking, HPL himself often noted with disfavor his own appearance. Lovecraft of course was unusual for a New England Yankee in that he possessed large, deep brown eyes. "Limpid" they were not! HPL's mother and her father possessed brown eyes too but a bit more 'lively' than HPL's. Lovecraft fantasized that his brown eyes had ancient Latin origins. Certainly the boy who was so enamored with ancient Rome might have seen himself as a youthful citizen of Rome. Well, though Lovecraft remained a fan of the Graeco-Roman era until his death, his Latin good looks abandoned him by puberty and he spent the rest of his life disappointed and mourning for his lost childhood, a childhood filled with wonder and promise, but cut short by the deaths, madness, and decline of family members. Added to these tragedies his own personal sickness and facial 'mutations', and the loss of so much that he cherished and dreamed of as a boy made his journey into manhood less than satisfying. (Exhibit 506)

[quanblovk]

☆Mage Sisters headcannons! :

Flamberge is actually older than Franscica.

The age gap between Franny, Berge and Zan is actually quite big. Zan would probably be 16 when the two were 8 and 6. (Usin human years to simplify it lol)

The soda shaker was Berge's idea. Very whacky.

In the past, Zan cleaned every path that Hyness glides on. Even rolling out red carpets and aggresively pushing everyone out of his way. She still does it now!

They all love Hyness but Flamberge ahs the least attachment compared to the other two. She even dared to speak up about Hyness's old abusive tendencies to Zan once. It wasn't a really good moment for the both of them.....

Franscica often freezes Susie and admires her frozen body for hours in more....romantic moments. 💖 (dw its all in consent and Susie doesn't mind it, being a cyborg n all.)

Zan is quite protective, often confronting Susie professionally to see if she's treating Franscica well. Susie often mistakes this as flirting for some reason. Probably because of her very firm business handshakes.

Franscica had extremely low empathy as a child, already freezing bodies of dead animals as a hobby.

Zan Partizanne had black hair.