#but it felt very strange and sad the way people just wanted to switch to everything new and official right away *because* it was official

[princefado]

it is a little annoying to me when ppl compare the drastic reaction some people have had to the localization changes of AAI2 to the localizations of AA4 and DGS because um. those are not the same at all...

im sure there are lots of people being actually annoying and rude about the aai2 localization but to say it's unjustified/silly to have a negative reaction to change on the Caring Very Deeply About Things Autism Website is... annoying!

[convexicalcrow]

"Cub, please, go rescue the Allays, please, we can't let them stay there, they're so distressed!"

Scar's voice was also distressed, but Cub hadn't needed to hear him to understand. It had been a long time since Cub felt that deep Vex rage well up inside him, and it was both strange and also familiar. At least he knew why he felt that way.

"I'll get them, don't worry. He's not still there, is he? He's gone to do other things?"

"He's not there, no. Just, hurry. They're so scared! We gotta get them outta there!"

"Alright, leave it with me."

-

Jevin was easily distracted, it's fair to say, and in his Vex form, Cub was able to sneak into the place where he'd kept the allays with ease. He could feel their distress as he got close, and they flew to him once he broke in, clinging to him in fear.

"Don't worry, we'll get you out of here. You'll be safe with us. The Vex will avenge you," Cub murmured, giving as much comfort as he could.

There were small sad trilling sounds coming from the Allays. Cub could see the scars on their bodies where they'd caught Jevin's sword but had somehow survived. Cub wasted no more time in whisking them away to his base, hoping he could find a way to calm them down a little. He wouldn't defeat their trauma, of course, but that wasn't the point. At least he could give them sanctuary.

-

A lot of people assume Allays and Vex are enemies. That Vex corrupt Allays into Vexes. But this isn't true. Vexes are the rage Allays can't express. When Allays seek revenge, it is deep indeed, and handed over to the Vex, who can act in ways they simply cannot. And when the rage is over, the Vex are becalmed by the sweet song of the Allays, both comforted by their own presence. That is why Allays reside in mansions and pillager camps. Anywhere the Vex are, so too are the Allays.

-

"Cub, I've left a creeper in Jevin's house! That'll sort him out!" Scar said as he arrived at Cub's base later on. He wasn't surprised to see Cub still in his Vex form. "I named it CatDog! That'll teach him to kill Allays!"

"Very good, very good. It's certainly a start, that's for sure. I think we can find other ways to torment him, though, as the season progresses. These poor Allays, man, you gotta come see them. They've got scars, it's awful," Cub said.

Scar gasped. "Scars! Oh no! How dare he! Come on, show me where they are, I gotta look after them!"

-

Cub led him down into the basement of his house and flicked a switch. It opened a hidden door that led to a staircase going down.

"They're down here. They wanted to be far, far away, so I dug a hole at bedrock, and that seemed to suffice. They were sleeping last I checked," Cub said.

"Good, I'm glad they're resting. They'll be okay, won't they?" Scar said.

"I hope so, but you never know with traumatised Allays. Sometimes it's just too much. But I'm hoping we can give them enough of an outlet so they feel okay again."

-

It was, of course, a long way down. There was some soft conversation, but both Cub and Scar felt their anxiety and rage grow the closer they got. Part of it was empathetic; they were both feeling that way anyway, but part of it was coming from the Allays as well. Eventually, they arrived at a room, with a door closing it off. The soft sounds of Allays could be heard from within, their songs still very soft and mournful.

"Just be quiet and gentle, they're really on edge," Cub murmured as he opened the door as slowly and carefully as he could.

Scar nodded and followed him in. The room was small and confined, the two Allays sleeping under a blanket on a pillow in one corner. A soul lantern in one corner offered a little light, enough to see how much dimmer the Allays were. Cub sat down beside the Allays, watching over them.

"Just sit and be quiet. They like knowing we're here. I promised we'd get revenge for them. If you want to Vex yourself up a little, I'm sure they won't mind that either," Cub said, keeping his voice low.

Scar grabbed a spare pillow and sat down. He closed his eyes a little and let his Vex features come through a little bit. Vex magic always felt more powerful when he was in Vex form. "We'll avenge them alright, don't you worry about that, little Allays. I'm still so angry! Gods. I'm a zookeeper! How dare he just kill Allays like that!"

Cub shushed him. "There's a time and a place for anger, and right now isn't it." He reached down and gently touched the Allays, who opened their eyes and sat up a little. "The Vex are here, little ones. We'll protect you. We'll avenge you."

The two Allays made soft little cries before allowing Cub and Scar to hold them. Cub held his close to his chest, offering a little Vex magic to comfort the poor creature. Scar wrapped his in a blanket and cradled them in his arms. The rage was building, and for an Allay to feel rage, well, something very bad had definitely happened to cause it.

"This is just like the one I rescued last season. The one Zed got to kill him by holding thorns armour. Man, that Allay was messed up," Cub murmured.

"I did hear about that one. I hope they're okay now."

"It took a long time, but we got there. And these guys'll get there too. And if that means we get to have a little fun along the way, well. So be it."

"So be it. Long live the Vex."

"Long live the ConVex."

[doctorcrowleywho]

December 7. Snowball fight (11th Doctor x reader)

25 Days of Ficmas - Day 7

Snowball Fight (11th Doctor x reader)

Word count -   1609  

Warnings - None just tons of fluff

Pairing(s) - 11th doctor x Gn! Reader

Summary - A trip home leads to a impromptu snowball fight

It was time to go home, not permanently. Like you would never give up traveling around in the TARDIS with the Doctor. There was no way, not even if River Song asked for your hand in marriage (which would probably be the hardest thing ever to turn down). But you needed just a quick trip home to see your family and stock up on a few human things. You know, the usual.

However, you really wanted to make sure you visited during this time of year because of the snow (also because of your family). When the holiday season rolled around back home it always brought the most beautiful white Christmas’ you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Sometimes you wondered if your time-traveling friend pulled a few strings in your childhood and made it snow for you every Christmas. He’d probably also tell you he was Santa while he was at it.

But, once you told the Doctor that you wanted to go home, you could have sworn you accidentally told him you were dying and there was no cure. He hung his head in defeat as you watched him sulk around the TARDIS console pulling nobs and switching dials. It was almost like he was putting on a grand dramatic show for you about how sad he was that you were going to leave, which by the way wasn’t true. 

You made a mental note to give him a nice smack up the back of his head later. 

“I guess there’s nothing I can really say, huh?” he sighed making you roll your eyes avoiding his sad puppy dog eyes. Gods, was he really milking this? “Well Y/N we had the very best of times I just wish it was longer. It feels like just yesterday you saved me from that cybermen attack-”

“Doctor I-” you felt like you had to interject. There was no way you were going to let him ramble on like this for ages, not when you had the winter snow to look forward to. 

“Not now Y/N I’m making a speech.” he placed a finger to your lips as his eyes frantically looked anywhere but at you. It was like he was trying to find the right words, which was so very unlike your Doctor. Usually, you weren’t able to shut him up. 

“Doctor I’m just going home for a quick visit.” you finally interrupted him grabbing his face in both of your hands so he was forced to look at you. 

As the realization slowly hit him his mouth dropped open a little bit as his finger dropped from your lips. “And you’re coming back afterward right?” he asked raising both eyebrows anticipating a response…hopefully a good one. 

“Yes! It was like I was trying to tell you before-” you started before he cut you off again a giant smile growing on his face.

“Right, perfect, yes!” he adjusted his bow tie “Of course, I knew that I’m kind of offended you thought I didn’t, but don’t worry I’ll let it slide just this once.” he poked you right on the nose causing your face to scrunch up. Then he was off fiddling with the TARDIS like a child on Christmas morning. 

All the while, you continued to stare at him in utter amazement. So, this was the man your heart decided to chase after. As odd as the whole situation felt, it also felt so incredibly right. You never felt like you really belonged down on earth, even if that did sound a bit silly it was absolutely true. People down there would always overlook you no matter how hard you tried, it was honestly getting very discouraging. 

Then the cybermen came, and you were terrified that this was how your life was going to end. You wondered if your first real exciting moment would also be your last. However, out of the corner of your eye, you saw a strange man in a bow tie trying his best to fight off the men in metal. For a half second, you were mystified and maybe even a little impressed. 

You don’t know what really took over you because before you could even realize what was going on you were right by his side helping him the best you could. “I’m the Doctor by the way, lovely to meet you.” he gave you a quick smile before turning back to the task at hand.

To this day you still thought the Doctor was a weird name, but you got used to it very quickly. He was your cosmic mystery, one you’d happily keep trying to solve till the very end. 

“And we’re here!” he said cheerfully clapping his hands like the people who clap once an airplane lands. Lord this man will be the death of you for sure. “Home sweet home!” he beamed wrapping an arm around you and hugging you tightly. 

You couldn’t help yourself, you grabbed your coat and ran out of the TARDIS while still tugging it on. A soft blissful laugh left your lips as you observed your surroundings. It was a beautiful winter wonderland for as long as the eye could see. At that moment you let yourself be truly grounded. Closing your eyes you took in the smell of the beautiful pine trees and felt to refreshing cold air as the wind blew passed you.

The Doctor trailed behind you, watching you in absolute adoration. Propping himself against the door of the TARDIS a soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He watched you spin and twirl and even try to catch a few snowflakes on your tongue. He was in deep trouble, he felt it in his hearts. For he was madly in love with you, his free-spirited companion.

However, the Doctor being who he is couldn’t sit still for long, so naturally, he got an idea. Sneakily, he bent down and packed a small snowball into his hands. He tried his best to ignore how cold the snow was. When it was the perfect snowball he threw it right at your shoulder causing you to yelp in surprise. 

The force of the snowball snapped you out of your own little world making you jump. Your eyes grew wide as you turned on your heel. Shooting an icy cold glare right in the Doctor’s direction. “Oi was that you?” you called out waving a finger at him. 

“Who me? Why I’d never!” he dramatically gasped chucking one right at your chest “oopsie daisies” he giggled, yes that’s right literally giggled, as he ran around the TARDIS. 

“Oh, it’s so on!” You yelled collecting as much ammo as you could. You weren’t typically a competitive person, except when it came to silly little things like snowball fights. Then all cards were on the table, and you’d be damned if you didn’t defeat the Doctor in this snowy battle.

All hell broke loose as you two threw countless snowballs at each other. Grins plastered all over your faces as the battle grew mighty intense. Quickly, you put together a big one planning on sneaking up behind the Doctor. You spotted him, refreshing his stockpile in front of the TARDIS, and realized it was the perfect time to attack. 

Slowly, you crept up behind him trying your very best not to laugh. Which, would give away your entire plan. Then, you struck viciously crashing the entire massive snowball all over his head causing him to yell out. “OI, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!” 

Your eyes widened as you realized what you’d done, and you booked it. A symphony of giggles and cheers could be heard between the two of you as you chased each other round and round. This was exactly why you fell in love with the Doctor because even if he was a big scary time lord he was still himself. 

Suddenly, you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and you crashed to the ground falling on top of the Doctor. Your eyes blinked into his hazel ones as you both tried to catch your breath. You forgot just how utterly beautiful he was up close. All the little details that came together to make the Doctor, your Doctor. It was enough to make your heart swell with that wonderful kind of feeling. 

“Y/N did we just fall for each other?” he asked softly taking his chances, even though he was only ever good at being awkward. A relieved smile rose to his lips as he heard your giggle once more. 

“You know what Doctor I think we did, funny how things work like that,” you said brushing a few wet pieces of hair away from his eyes. If you could save this moment in time forever you could, but even the Doctor knew you couldn’t do that. Time was precious and you were so lucky you had this time together now. 

There was a moment when the both of you leaned in and you thought for a couple of seconds that he may even kiss you. But, something rang off in the Doctor’s head and he decided against it for now. So, instead, he helped you off the ground and started dusting all the snow off of you he could. Another gentle moment passed when he reached up and dusted off your hair. 

“Right, off to see your family, come along Y/N.” he said giving that good old bow tie one last fix. Confidently he grabbed your hand and pulled you away taking your heart right along with him.

[seattledaytwo]

🍒

didn't get a chance to play DE yet, but I humored myself with some playthroughs already and I'm... questioning shit rn. I just checked what max's phone has to offer in my ending (bae ending with pricefield as... hs sweethearts apparently). and I just don't understand wtf happened. I don't want to spoil the main plot of DE, but the way they don't offer any datas or timeframe... I'm kinda offended by the messages shown in max's phone. it looks so wrong. I mean, ofc there is the whole multiverse and I can believe that in some universe pricefield could've broken up but??? it feels wrong actually seeing it, I mean my expectations are my own mistakes, but... I need time to process

I mean, it could be great, but they promised to respect both endings. and the way I see it, most people who saved chloe didn't do it to see such an ending. I get that this stuff happens in real life, it's natural outcome for the relationship built on trauma, but for both Max and Chloe it's really off and out of character. I probably need to see more from the game to get a better perspective, but now i'm just sad.

how are u feeling tho?

OOF okay yeah I'm going to be brutally honest about my thoughts on Double Exposure.

So from the very first announcement, the concept left a bad taste in my mouth. It felt incredibly cheap to bring Max back, and I knew that even if the game was fantastic, that narrative choice would always rub me the wrong way. I don't like the idea of Deck Nine taking Dontnod's characters and continuing a story that had been tied up with a perfect bow already. It feels...I don't know. It feels gross, I guess, is the best word I can use.

Chloe's lack of presence stood out to me immediately, and combined with the pieces of the game we'd seen, I knew she wouldn't be part of it. At best, there would be some offscreen explanation about her traveling or something (like how Dragon Age explains where the Warden went if you romanced Leliana). What they went with was...worse than I anticipated, lol.

In my opinion, it's very clear that they brought Max back solely to bait people into buying and playing, and it's backfiring HARDCORE on them right now. I've seen so many people cancelling their preorders and turning away from the game. The promos for the games were purposely avoiding a mention of Chloe, not to be fun and surprise the fanbase, but to string people along until the very last second. Clearly, it didn't work out!

It's really a bummer because I think I would have LOVED this game if it featured a new protagonist. I mean, switching timelines, a university story, an older protagonist? Absolutely right up my alley! But the fact that they dragged Max in to be the hook immediately turned me off to it.

To be honest, I would be very unsurprised if this is the last Life is Strange game after all the backlash that's already starting. And honestly? I'm kind of okay with that. I have concerns about how Deck Nine and Square Enix would/could handle future installments, since it feels like the integrity of the series has been degraded so much with DE.

I never had any plans to play the game, but I don't even really feel like watching a playthrough now either, lmao. All that to say, I really don't consider this game canon. This feels more like a parody than an actual continuation of Max's story.

It's very, very sad to me because the first game came out when I was a teenager trying to figure herself out, and Max and Chloe were very integral to exploring and discovering my sexuality (even before I realized it)!

I love True Colors and I think Deck Nine is capable of writing a compelling (if not a little lacking in some aspects) storyline, but diving back into Max's story was a really bad idea and I think it might be the series' downfall.

And...wow, I guess I had more to say than I realized 😅

[t4lon]

I'm very conflicted.

We were recently diagnosed with DID, but this was not a new discovery for us. We have been operating under the partial assumption that we have the disorder for exactly a decade this year.

I say partial because it genuinely never stuck. The nature of our trauma and resulting anxiety prevented us from seeking any sort of mental health treatment, in any capacity, which as you can imagine, precludes any hope of diagnosis. So, from the age of 14 onward, we existed in this strange in-between state, where we gained and lost insight at different times. We lack self confidence, and though we supported the right of others to self diagnose, we (particularly Moira and myself) believed it would be silly to think any of our research could possibly be adequate. DID is a heavy diagnosis, and it's very hard to feel justified in claiming the label.

We tried many different methods to be okay with existing as more than one; and this is why the existence of endogenic systems was NECESSARY for our mental health. As someone who absolutely could not get diagnosed due to abject fear, and whose low self esteem and lack of expertise prevented them from trusting their own judgment, the idea that there are people who just allow themselves to exist without needing professional validation seemed like the only way forward for us.

Ultimately, I still think it is. I would not be this far along in my personal journey without the existence of the wider plural community, and though the rest of our system does not share my personal anti-psychiatry sentiments, it has been extremely important for them as well.

But it hasn't worked yet, and this feels a little bit like a failure on our part.

We finally hit a breaking point fairly recently, and found a therapist who then quite promptly diagnosed us. Since then, it's been night and day. Alters are more active, we switch more frequently, we are capable of leaving the house on short notice (and at all!). Our social anxiety has largely vanished, at least for the time being. It's like waking up after ten straight years of a depressive haze dominated by our repressive persecutor-host, and she is finally getting the rest she needed.

But really, after all that? The journey to self discovery, the repeated attempts to convince ourselves that we CAN just choose to be this way, that we can just act the way we naturally wish that we could... the only thing that could break through the wall was still to validate it through the framework we were trying to escape.

We tried so, so hard to truly believe that it would be okay for us to just be, but it just... didn't work. We still needed a therapist to tell us it was okay, that we really are the way we think we are, and that it is healthy to embrace. And it didn't matter how many peers also told us this; we needed a professional. We just did not believe anyone else, even though we desperately wanted to AND deeply respected their journeys and experiences.

This isn't really meant to be a Sad Post or anything, I mostly just think we have a lot more work to do. We were deeply damaged by things like fakedisordercringe AND many anti-endogenic sentiments in online system communities, and it is not nearly as easy to shake the self hatred and doubt as I'd hoped.

I do, to some extent, resent the fact that we ultimately felt that we needed someone to give us permission to exist. But. Well. We do certainly feel like we are allowed to exist, now. Perhaps even a bit vindicated.

Strange.

[an0ma1y-d0ma1y]

this fucking prick won’t let me leave I’ve been stuck for hours in their web if anyone hears me please send he-

SPIDER-ACID HCS‼️ (normal and tk ones)

-Alright let’s start with some angst hcs to get it outta the way

-After Elijah’s best friend (or his drummer) died, he couldn’t stand to hear the sound of drums.

-Because of this, when the band eventually got a replacement drummer he felt a strange hatred towards them and at the end of only the first song he smashed his guitar and left.

-When he was first made a member of the spiderverse, when he heard that Gwen was a drummer from Hobie then he wanted to stay away from her to not trigger the feeling of grief again, but at the same time felt he needed to face his grief.

-Alright enough sad ones let’s go

-Since Elijah knows Spanish, he often has full conversations with Miguel in Spanish

-But at the same time whenever he talks shit about someone in Spanish Miguel’s able to call him out on it

-lost hard candy privileges after Miguel witnessed him chewing a jolly rancher

-The spiderteens will sometimes go into a dark closet and will have a ‘disco’ with Elijah’s glowing suit

-Even if Elijah has control over what color his suit is, his emotions can sometimes trigger a specific color. Strong emotions like happiness, shock, anger, or sadness.

-He claims he completely fried his vocal cords from his band career but at the same time is probably just using it to excuse his teenage voice cracks

-Dropped out of high school in his sophomore year to focus on music

-The MJ in his universe was his bassist, Michelle James. He had a crush on her ever since Fletcher (his drummer) introduced him to her.

-Ight…. tickle hcs

-Elijah was always one for physical affection, and that includes tickling

-HUGE switch. Can easily wreck someone but at the same time can easily be wrecked

-Is a master of disguise and loves to surprise attack people to see their funny reaction

-His favorite move is to crawl his fingers up someone’s back like a spider until he suddenly latches onto the back of their neck and squeezes to hear them squeal, I didn’t make this it’s just common sense

-Learned from Miguel about the amount of power he has with his fangs and how he can dispute nibbles and has been a little bastard about it ever since

-Now don’t think that he’s gonna get away with being a ler so much

-His worst spots are definitely his shoulder blades, tummy, hips, and sides

-Strangely enough, his melt spot are the insides of his arms. Just run your fingers down them and he’ll evaporate into a giggling puddle

-Starts off with a very giggly and wheezy laugh but will turn into high pitched cackles if you manage to get him good enough

-AND DONT EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND HES ABLE TO HANDLE RASPBERRIES, NIBBLES, AND KISSES NO SIR

-He can’t handle the taste of his own medicine and will be squealing and shrieking for a break

-He’s able to hold back his laughter when tickled by most people, but someone like Jessica Drew or Miguel then he’s done for

-Often gets tickled whenever he’s being a little shit or just showing them that teenage attitude

@parker-fluff I DONT WANNA KEEP BOTHERING YOU WITH THIS DUMBASS I SWEAR THISLL BE LIKE THE SECOND TO LAST POST I MAKE ABOUT HIM

[kyogorof]

So, I've tried to write something.

It's the first thing I'm posting and english is not my first language, so it might have a lot of errors and I don't know much of how posting on tumblr works, so I may not have done it all perfectly.

For the story, be mindful of talking of immortality and the death of the characters.

"What would you do if you were imortal?" She asked as they were sitting in the garden. The sky was beautiful, with lots of shiny points in the vast black canvas. And to think that the stars seem to be so small from down there.

"What do you mean? Like 'don't die and don't age' kind of imortal?" Her friend responded, eating one more Pringles and stretching his legs on their once white blanket.

"Yes, it can be like that"

"Humm", he looked up to the night, "I guess I would live normally and get money at first, and then I would move countries without my family knowing and live as an anonymous person so they don't think it's strange that I don't age"

"Wouldn't you miss them?" She was observing him, for he seemed so relaxed talking about it. Not how she would've responded at all if they switched positions.

"I would. But I think that if I were immortal, I would have time to get over it. In this instance, it's better than what we have. You see, some people can't get over the death of loved ones in their lifespam, so, in this type of case, more time to heal should be better, right?"

She was very puzzled by this. He was so detached that it was weird. She kept on looking at him as he looked to the sky. She thought that he was very strange, but it did not cover the fact that he was very pretty. His dark hair was a little too long, so it falls on his forehead and neck with the way he was supporting himself on his arms. He then crossed his legs and propped himself up to get another hand of Pringles.

"What if time doesn't heal anything and you just wanted to end it all?" She asked her final question, curious.

"Well, then you also have eternity to figure all how to die", he responded and looked at her. "But why do you ask?" He arched his brow and smiled, "You like those vampire stories?"

"Yes, I do like. However, that's no the reason for my questions. Look, I think that if I were imortal, I would certainly look for a way to destroy myself. And I think that the best way to do this would be, like in the vampire stories, to 'pass it on'" She smiled at him too and served them a cup of Coke.

He took a sip without taking his eyes off her. Seeing this, she also sipped hers.

"Think of it like this: if you were immortal, you would have eternity, and, since it's obvious you can't destroy an eternity, the only other option is to hand it out."

He felt his head hurt, maybe because it was a very complicated topic. He drank more of the Coke and asked, "And how would you do that?"

"If somebody steals eternity from an immortal, then what is left is a mortal." She got closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "So, just have anyone killing you and you could lose immortality. "

"Yeah, makes sense", he said, raising his hand to his head and massaging it. "My head is hurting."

"Maybe is the Coke, give me a sip." She said and he handed her the cup without much of a thought. She drank it all in one go.

"Oh yes, I forgot to mention something. Since eternity is so big for it to go to other person, it must have space. That's why the person must be almost dead, so the lifetime doesn't occupy any space."

He was very dizzy and didn't realized when he lost balance. He just felt that his friend got him before he hit the ground and he stayed leaned on her.

He then realized the point behind the questions. And why she wanted to see him today. He thought about all the things they did togheter and how he did not know it at all. He suddenly felt very sad, for he was happy in the dark while his friend was having a very hard and long time.

"This method is very bothersome and it took me a while to think of it. It's like you said though, I did have much time to think about it." She hugged him and kissed his black hair. "So, please, don't be too mad. I'm not like you. I'm not so detached nor can I overcome all the things I want, even with time." A single tear ran out of her eye. "So, you go first. I will follow you in a bit", She chuckled, also getting a little weak as they almost fell on the blanket. "They always say that soda can kill you, it's very literal in our case"

She then also got affected by the poison and they fell on their backs on the ground. He closed his eyes and heard his friend cry a little. She apologized a lot. She hugged him and he tried his best to hug her back. He wanted to at least console her once before she went. He wanted to let her know he was not angry at her. He wanted to say goodbye.

For her, it was too much time, but for him it was too little.

She looked at the sky and thought of all the endless years she had the same view. Never changing, never moving. In this world, it seems like only her and the star continued the same through centuries. Well, now, it will not be like this anymore.

"I am really sorry" She put her arm on her forehead, "I just hope eternity does better for you than it did to me" She said as he finally stopped breathing.

And after that, she also closed her eyes. The stars looked as small as ever. She hoped it was the last time she saw them. She prayed that this time it worked and she could be finally free.

[sacred-stanning]

Chapter 10 Part 5: A strangely convincing argument

After almost getting Ross killed last turn, we start off this turn with a nice Neimi level up. (She took down the wyvern who is not Cormag.)

I also move Vanessa in to attack the ballista ship. She'll have to take an attack next enemy phase, but she's very dodgy (forty-something avoid), especially with a slim lance equipped, and the ship only has 69 hit.

Next I move Tana in to talk to Cormag. It honestly makes a lot more sense for Duessel to recruit him, since, you know, they actually know each other. So I wanted to see what in the world Tana had to say that could convince Cormag to stop attacking us.

"Wait! Stop fighting already!"

"If we all talk together, surely we can get along!"

...wait. That's all you got, Tana? Shit, back off. You're gonna get yourself killed.

When Cormag says he won't stop fighting, Tana asks him if he likes Duessel or hates him.

Cormag is like, "What kind of childish question is that? This has nothing to do with liking or hating him."

Tana says some other stuff, none of which is honestly very convincing, but she tries to emphasize that Cormag doesn't really know what's going on unless he actually talks to Duessel himself.

Tana in the right photo: "It would be so sad if he were to die without you ever solving this misunderstanding!"

But somehow Tana's half-baked arguments work and Cormag listens to this random girl he just met and agrees to join us.

I think the game designers wanted to create a Caeda moment here. Fire Emblem is a series that constantly reinvents its game mechanics to a pretty surprising degree, but at the same time the series often self-references back to older games in other ways, with character archetypes, and scenes playing out certain ways.

I personally thought this whole scene felt kind of unbelievable though in a way I don't remember feeling when I saw Caeda do the same thing in the Archanea games.

I think maybe it's because, the first time you see Caeda convince someone to join Marth's army, it's Castor, in map 2. And it feels very natural there because Castor is from the same island as Caeda, and she knows him, and is able to shame him about the group he's joined up with just for the sake of getting money. (At the same time, she also shows sympathy for his sick mother's situation, and gives Castor a legitimately better solution to his problem: join Marth and get paid by Marth instead of by some scummy pirate guys.)

Then the next time she does it is in the next map, where it has been pre-established by the opening cutscene dialogue that Navarre hates the idea of having to attack a woman, and that plays into Caeda's dialogue with him since she puts herself in his way and makes him choose whether to strike her down or not.

So then later on when Caeda flirts with Roger on the battlefield and convinces him to switch sides right then and there, as hilariously unbelievable as that situation is, it feels right somehow because we've already seen that Caeda is good at talking to people, and we're willing to throw aside our disbelief a bit because her character has been set up to be like that.

In contrast, Tana basically just showed up on the last map, aside from two cutscenes where we saw her a bit previously, and the only thing we know about her at this point is that she is good at getting captured and put in prison, which doesn't really recommend her as a negotiator.

So yeah, the whole thing is a bit silly, but whatever, we got Cormag without him dying or killing anyone.

Since Cormag did take some hits already, I have Moulder move in and heal him. With the cavaliers coming in from above, Moulder needs to move down anyway.

But then the first thing I do with Cormag, is have him move over and pick up one of Duessel's soldiers. When the guy got attacked and ran away to heal, he stopped right on the tile I need to get to to visit the village, so he's totally in the way, and with the other guy right below, basically it has to be a flier to come in and pick the guy up. After picking him up, I have Cormag just wait on the tile so he can visit the village next turn.

So now I want to start making two walls to protect my right and top flanks. On the right, Ephraim, Seth, and I think it was Franz, are blocking the way, and Kyle is the lone cavalier up top who will get a hit in on one of the enemies coming from that direction.

Ephraim gets a kind of meh level during enemy phase.

And the cavaliers all move in, with the bottom most one trading blows with Kyle there. Since the guy took damage from Kyle, this troubadour heals him with that physic staff I pointed out before.

Though I'm a little confused how she's able to heal him. The calculation on the staff was range = magic / 2. But her magic is only 3, and she's 5 tiles away from the guy she's healing in the photo above.

????

At any rate, next turn!

Vanessa starts attacking the ship. She switches to an iron lance so that she can two round it. Of course, not being able to one round it means we'll just have to deal with it for another turn, but it can't do much damage to any of the units I have moving in towards the boss, so whatever.

Cormag visits the village and is again waylaid by a pretty girl.

She has something she says she "can't use yet" and just gives it to him. It's a hero crest! Good for...actually, no one in my current army. But I'll get units who can use it soon enough. If he were still here, Joshua might have used it. :(

Lute gets rid of the bottom most cavalier, and Ephraim takes out a mercenary, giving Seth room to eliminate this archer, who I really wanted gone because he had a killer bow.

Seth also reaches lance rank S! I'd forgotten how quickly he can do that. We won't even get a weapon that requires that rank for a while still. In the meantime though, it means that he'll have a slightly better hit rate (+5) when using lances, so it's still useful.

The only thing is, I'm remembering now that units in Sacred Stones can only get S rank in one weapon type I believe. So hopefully I'm okay with Seth getting lances?

I didn't really plan for this, it just happened. Right now I have more lance users than sword users, so maybe I should've had Seth focus on swords more?

Duessel destroys one of the fools up top. I'm mostly including this photo to show off how cool Great Knight looks in Duessel's color scheme.

And Kyle does some work with the killer lance and then gets an absolutely stupid level up. Is he asking to get replaced by Duessel? Don't play, Kyle. I'll do it.

At any rate, Kyle, Franz, and Duessel block off the top so that the cavaliers don't come in and hit someone like Lute. And during enemy phase, Seth gets attacked by this luna mage who is standing near the boss.

It took me most of the map to figure it out, but the dark mage and two cavaliers near the boss seem to be absolutely stationary. They'll attack if you get in range, but they don't seem to move at all.

And with that, we're moving into the last couple of turns! Vanessa starts us off by sinking the ship and then competing with Kyle for the "green-haired-people-who-get-bad-level-ups" award.

But even though this map is almost done, the fun isn't! This map still has stuff for us to do, right up until the bell!

Next time: Ghosts of Joshua

[nonchalantnightowlsworld]

31 Prompts for October: Horror

Day 1 : Trapped on the other side

The Other Side

Lila had always been fascinated by the mirror in her grandmother’s attic. It was a large, oval-shaped mirror with a golden frame that had intricate carvings of flowers and vines. Lila liked to imagine that the mirror was a portal to another world, a world where anything was possible.

One day, when her grandmother was out shopping, Lila decided to explore the attic and see if she could find the mirror. She climbed up the stairs and opened the door, feeling a gust of dusty air. She looked around and saw boxes, furniture, and old clothes piled up everywhere. She searched for the mirror, but couldn’t find it.

She was about to give up when she noticed a corner that was covered by a thick curtain. She pulled the curtain aside and gasped. There it was, the mirror, shining in the dim light. Lila felt a surge of excitement and curiosity. She walked towards the mirror and touched its smooth surface.

She felt a strange sensation, as if the mirror was pulling her in. She tried to pull back, but it was too late. She fell through the mirror and landed on the other side.

She looked around and saw a world that was very different from hers. The sky was purple, the trees were blue, and the grass was pink. There were strange creatures flying in the air and crawling on the ground. Lila felt scared and confused. Where was she? How could she get back?

She saw a sign that said “Welcome to Mirrora, the land of wonders”. She wondered if this was the world she had imagined, or if it was a nightmare.

She decided to look for someone who could help her. She walked along a path that led to a village. She hoped to find friendly people there, but she was wrong.

As soon as she entered the village, she was surrounded by angry villagers who shouted at her and threw stones at her. They called her an intruder, a spy, a witch. They said she had come to destroy their world.

Lila tried to explain that she was lost and needed help, but they wouldn’t listen. They dragged her to a large cage and locked her inside. They said they would decide her fate tomorrow.

Lila felt hopeless and terrified. She wished she had never found the mirror. She wished she could go back to her grandmother’s house.

She looked at the mirror that was hanging on a wall opposite to her cage. She saw her reflection, but it looked different. It looked sad and scared, just like her.

She wondered if there was a way to communicate with her reflection. She decided to try.

She tapped on the mirror three times and whispered “Hello? Can you hear me?”

To her surprise, she heard a voice that sounded like hers.

“Yes, I can hear you. Who are you?”

“I’m Lila. I’m from another world. I came through the mirror by accident.”

“Me too. I’m also Lila. I’m from your world.”

“Really? How did you get here?”

“I don’t know. I was looking at the mirror in my grandmother’s attic and then I fell through it.”

“Same here.”

“Wow, this is crazy.”

“I know.”

“Do you know how we can get back?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Me neither.”

They both sighed.

They talked for a while, trying to figure out what had happened and what they could do. They realized that they had switched places when they fell through the mirror. They also realized that they had a lot in common.

They became friends.

They decided to work together to find a way out of their situation.

They noticed that every time they tapped on the mirror three times, they could switch places again.

They used this trick to escape from their captors and explore both worlds.

They learned that Mirrora was a magical land that had been created by an ancient wizard who had used the mirror as a portal.

They also learned that there was an evil witch who wanted to take over Mirrora and destroy both worlds.

They decided to stop her.

They found out that there was a hidden chamber in the castle where the witch lived that contained the original mirror that had started everything.

They decided to go there and destroy it.

They hoped that by doing so, they would end the witch’s power and return everything to normal.

They made their way to the castle, using their skills and abilities to overcome various obstacles and enemies.

They reached the chamber and saw the mirror.

It was huge and dark, with cracks all over it.

It looked evil.

They felt afraid, but also determined.

They grabbed each other’s hands and ran towards the mirror.

They smashed it with all their strength.

There was a loud noise and a bright flash of light.

Then everything went black.

When they opened their eyes, they found themselves back in their own worlds.

They looked at their mirrors and saw each other.

They smiled and waved.

They said goodbye and thanked each other for their friendship and help.

They tapped on the mirror three times and switched places one last time.

They hugged and cried.

They said they would never forget each other.

They said they hoped to meet again someday.

They let go and stepped back.

They looked at their mirrors and saw their own reflections.

They smiled and waved.

They turned around and walked away.

[ruminate88]

He Only Hurts Me

When I first broke up with Andrew, I was very confused to what happened. He has no emotions and wasn’t upset but asked me if we could still be friends. It all felt “fake” and just made no sense. I never knew he was a narcissist or had never truly experienced someone who is a manipulator before. I also never knew of trauma bonding! I texted Andrew the very next day after we broke up but I felt I needed serious space from him. I also felt this overwhelming feeling to delete all of his photos off my phone and delete all our text messages but it was painful to do. I cried the whole time and soon as I did it, I regretted it. I missed his photos and wanted them back but it was too late!! I also deleted my instagram because I had posted pictures of him on there and talked about him like crazy. (He never posted a single thing about me on any of his social media accounts) I got a new phone and made a new Instagram that I did not add him as a friend to.

I went no contact for a few weeks but it didn’t last long. I couldn’t understand the way I was feeling and why it was so hard to move on from him. SO, I reached back out to him “as a friend” but I knew I wanted him back. Even knowing he cheated and i’m probably not the only girl in his life. I was just seriously attached to him. I started talking to him again AND before we broke up, I questioned did he even know my real name because of how he only called me “babe” or “beautiful” and seemed to always just flirt a bunch. Never seemed to really have deep conversations with me… Suddenly he’s talking to me as if we had always been “friends” and he tells me he failed his major in pre-med which is what he’s always been afraid of happening and said he switched his major to anthropology which is probably what he was doing all along. (Unless I’m wrong but he lies so much, why wouldn’t he lie about that too?) We also talked about “my future” and he remembered my dream job, what I wanted to do with my life but also is giving me advice like he suddenly cares!! I asked him how he knew what my dream job was and he says, “I remember you talking about it before.” Like… what??!! 🤔 That was super confusing!! Andrew told me he thought I should be a nurse at an old folks home, said he thinks I’m very good with older people. Probably because he knows I took care of my grand mother but it as weird all he “knew about me” when I was concerned did he even know my real name…

So Andrew and I continued to text a lot which made me upset because of how much he ignored me when we were actually “dating.” At one point I remember I was sitting in my bath tub just really feeling bad about myself, I had battled depression for a few years now and I’ve always felt invisible most of my life. Always felt like I exist in other people’s stories but no one knows me. It’s a strange feeling!! Andrew was of course texting me at this time and I proceed to tell him how I’ve battled depressed and feel invisible like no one ever sees me… Andrew now gets super defensive towards this and says, “What?? How did I not know this?? I deserved to know. That’s not something you should have hid from me!!!” Ugh! I tell him it wasn’t a secret but that I was more distracted when we were together basically I was focused more on him than being depressed. Andrew says he can not believe I felt that way, tells me “I’m too beautiful to be depressed” that he’s upset now and doesn’t want me to feel that way. I try to defend myself and explain why I feel the way I do that I’ve always felt invisible.

SUDDENLY Andrew turned the conversation flirty and sexual…. He tells me he thinks I’m so beautiful that he wants me to be so happy AND wants to know what I’m doing. I tell him i’m sitting in my bath tub and now… NOW he hits on me. Says how sexy it is and that he would join me if he could. He turned my sad conversation into a sexual one and I don’t remember how it happened but eventually we cyber-sexted!!!! I was beyond shocked, confused and excited/curious. What did all this mean?? Did Andrew still want me?? Were we getting back together???

I went to bed with so many racing thoughts and just could not believe what happened. Next day I’m on edge just on a high but I know we’re still broken up and I don’t know what’s going to happen. Then as I’m going about my day, Andrew sent me a BIG, LONG, PARAGRAPH of a text message, accusing me of “not respecting our friendship” asked me “Why did you cyber sex with me when you know I’m not your boyfriend anymore??” He never says that much in one text hardly it’s usually shorter responses and it really upset me because I wondered were we getting back together… I defended myself and told him, “It takes two people to flirt and cyber sex. You started it, I was just following your lead!!” I was soooo confused and irritated. Andrew appeared like he actually cared when I told him I battled depression but now he’s blaming me for everything. I did not understand!

Worse, every night for 2 weeks Andrew would find excuses to flirt with me and cyber sex me. Andrew told me I tempted him to be bad with me that he couldn’t “resist me” and said I knew what he liked… YET I knew we were broken up and most likely he’s messing with my head. The whole two weeks I kept forgetting to eat, I was an emotional mess and so confused by Andrew’s behavior. In the 2nd week on a Friday night, we’re in the midst of a heated cyber sex conversation, he’s telling me I know what he wants/likes BUT wasn’t much longer he suddenly says to me, “Okay we need to stop now. We can’t keep doing this to each other. We don’t respect each other or our friendship and we’re broken up and this is only making it harder.” WHAT?! 😆 I wanted to hit my head against a wall!! Just “errrrrrrrrt”(sound of a car hitting the breaks) It was WEIRD and BIZARRE! I tried to understand him but it made no sense. We kept talking and I asked him a few questions. At some point though, he stopped responding and I went to sleep.

Next morning I’m hurt, sad, confused and very very depressed!!! Andrew texted me good morning, said sorry he stopped responding that he went so sleep… (like it mattered at this point) and he’s asking me how I’m doing. I proceeded to tell him I’m VERY depressed and unhappy within myself. Andrew tells me “God doesn’t want you to be that way”… hah. I could’ve smacked him through the text if it was possible! Andrew tried to “talk positive with me” but everything he said just rubbed me wrong and made me more upset. I felt he was just against me, not for me but it was hard to understand who he is and what his real intentions were. Andrew tried to act like he cares that I’m depressed but it just feels like he’s messing with me and it sucks so much.

Okay then the next day after that, I’m out at the restaurant where Andrew works accept he’s away at college. I show him a picture of the rolls and he says, “I love their rolls” and were talking about it accept THEN Andrew says, “I’m studying right now for finals and I really need to focus.” Hahaha 😝 Not that again!! I’m rolling my eyes at his text and say to him, “okay I didn’t mean to bother you, just showing you the rolls.” He tells me it’s ok that I can talk to him he’s just trying to focus so he’s making me feel like he wants me to keep texting him yet he doesn’t at the same time. He knows I’m in serious trauma bond BUT I don’t know it!! I keep texting him but he keeps acting irritated like I’m bothering him and I end up telling him how confused I am about the whole past two weeks of us flirting and cyber sexting when he doesn’t want a relationship with me and basically I’m confused and sad about the whole entire relationship. We’re talking about it and at one point Andrew sends me a horrifying text that says, “Yeah, I pretended all of my feelings to lead you on. I’m sorry.” 😢💔 I couldn’t believe he said that I was so hurt! I told him wow that it sucks and hurts to hear that, why would he do that to me, how did I deserve that, after how good I treated him. We began to argue back and forth in our text and things quickly got heated and eventually went to a very dark place!! Looking back, I believe he wanted me to hurt myself…

I can’t remember everything we said but I remember Andrew saying, “If I’m hurting you, then just stop caring about me!” UGH! I quickly responded with “Why are you hurting me so much??? What did I ever do to deserve this??? “ Andrew apologized and said he didn’t mean it all and told me “I really loved you at the beginning but then I fell out of love and just didn’t know how to tell you” (none of it made sense) eventually I just couldn’t take all the lies and confusion from him anymore. I didn’t know what to believe and I felt like he was being such a jerk!! I found myself crying so hard I couldn’t breathe and everything went dark from there… I felt my life was one, big, nightmare and I didn’t want to live it!! I thought my world was ending because everything I knew with Andrew before was a lie and I felt so stupid!! It was more than I could bare!! I decided I didn’t wanna continue on living and texted Andrew, “I can’t do this anymore with you.. I’m done and I think I should just end my life!!”

Andrew pretended to freak out. He quickly texted me, “No don’t do that!” He started “begging me not to kill myself” and said “you deserve to stay.” He sent me sooo many text and then because I wasn’t responding, he started calling and calling and even sent a FaceTime call out… I ignored everyone of them, just crying my eyes out!!! For some reason though I had an overwhelming urge to record myself having this suicide attack and I sent it to him. I can NOT remember what he said to it if anything I can’t remember when he stopped calling me and I have an excellent memory but I just can’t recall it all but I do remember crying with my blanket over my head in my room wondering how I should end my life…. Even though Andrew “pretended to freak out” I believe he’s into some dark stuff and was motivating me to end my life. I can’t explain it but why did I send him a video of me crying having this suicide attack?? I didn’t say anything in the video, just sat there falling apart. It was most like my final plea to make him care about me… I felt as if he did not care at all but I wanted to believe he would if I just begged him more or did enough for him.

While I was deciding how to end my life, thinking should I hang myself in my closet or should I drown myself in my bathroom sink, Andrew was blowing up my phone but stopped after I sent him that video of me. THEN my phone rang again. It was my mom this time. She asked what I was doing did I wanna come watch our favorite tv show with her… I said yes and when I got downstairs, she realized I had been upset/crying. She asked me what was wrong and I told her the truth that I was depressed!!! (Did not tell her about Andrew and me having a suicide attack) my mom tried to encourage me, she prayed with me and we watched our show!!! Wow… what a crazy and emotional day.

that night I told Andrew I did not kill myself and his response was “Oh thank God! I thought you hurt yourself!!” And acted as if he was all concerned and worried BUT then started texting me “You’re not well. You really need to work on yourself and do better. You shouldn’t be like this.” 😝🤪 I see now all these years later he was probably speaking against me and wishing for me to hurt myself all while pretending to actually care so I would trust him and believes he’s an okay guy. I DID NOT see the real him though yet and believed he was “caring” sorta. I told him I knew I needed to do better and would try but I was still sad over him not loving me the way I thought I loved him. Andrew told me he was glad I was ok, to be careful and that he had to sleep because he had a lot of studying to do for school BUT asked me “Can we start over as friends and try to treat each other better???” …… 🤨 He told me to have a good week that if I needed him, I could talk to him any time and he’s glad I’m still alive. I tell him good night and thank you….. (I was so stupid)

I STILLL could not move on. Weeks later I’m writing Andrew long paragraphs telling him how I feel, how I’m so confused and hurt. How I hate feeling sad over him and just want to make it all “better” Andrew tells me nothing will make it better and we can’t change anything, that he’s sorry I’m so sad and that I need “space” and “time” he tells me he can’t take back everything that’s happened that I’ll eventually get over it all and “illl be fine” Andrew gives me no answers to why I’m so confused and can’t get over him. Just tells me texting him isn’t going to help me. (Even though he originally said if I needed him, he would be there for me.) Andrew and I both “apologized” to each other for all of it that happened BUT it felt fake to me. None of it added up or made sense and I was still struggling.

I could not stay away from him… I ran right back to him again weeks later still begging for answers and I told Andrew “I know you pretended all your feelings but mine were real. I loved you very much.” ANDREW SAYS, “What are you talking about??? My feelings were always real. I loved you the whole time!!!!” AHHHH 😆😆😆 I WANTED TO HIT MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL! I finally started to realize that he lies in the moment. Whatever he thinks I want to hear, is what he says… He will never be honest with me or give me truth because he probably doesn’t even know the truth. He’s so mixed up in his own head, let alone to deal with me begging him to love me back. I tried really really hard to back off and go no contact….

THEN WEEKS LATER HE CALLS ME… My phone randomly says “Audio FaceTime call from Andrew” WHAT!? That was so weird and at first I thought it was FaceTime and I had just gotten a shower and had a hair wrap on my head. I ripped it off real fast and tried to run my fingers through my hair because I hadn’t gotten to brush it yet. I quickly answered my phone but realized it was only face time “audio” which was WEIRD! Who calls from that??? I answered and said “Hello??” NOTHING! I kept saying “hello???” Nothing was happening. I could hear background noise which made me believe he was at work. I asked “Andrew, are you okay? What’s going on???” I thought maybe he butt-dialed me on accident. Finally I heard a click….. he hung up!!!!!! I was like “what in the world??????” Then not even 10 mins or so later Andrew sent me a text message saying, “I’m busy at work right now. What do you want??” 😨🤨 I quickly defended myself saying I wasn’t “bothering him at work” that he called me…. I ACTUALLY QUESTIONED MY REALITY” I called my niece to tell her about it and she said “sounds like he definitely called you on purpose. I don’t think it was an accident!” That was the start of him trying to make me think I’m truly crazy and don’t know what’s going on around me. He had already confused me so much and it was only going to get worse.

I FINALLY realized just how toxic of a person he is even though I didn’t understand why I believed he was toxic, what does toxic truly mean and I still had no idea he was a narcissist or that I was in trauma bond BUT I worked so hard to get away from him. Never blocked his number but stopped texting him and did my best to move on. It was very hard and took all of my strength! I also still had to overcome depression and suicide!

Still it wasn’t quite over with Andrew… I would have to face his games one more time.

[87435678753256732]

July!

Hi friend, it is currently the first week of August and its time to write! it kind of sucks that I don't have a therapist anymore, and the only people I feel comfy talking about my issues are friends and my boyfriend. So I decided to talk about some stuff on here. work has been getting busier, but I think I get decently paid. school starts in two weeks~ and I have been having a lot of anxiety because I fucked up my class schedule. I was supposed to switch one of my courses, but instead dropped the one that was okay and cannot waitlist for two courses. I emailed the dept chair asking if there was a way to get added to the course I shouldn't have dropped. No reply yet, but I understand that it is the weekend so they are not working. Panic will start kicking in if I haven't heard back by Wednesday.

something else that I have noticed myself struggling with is my anxious attachment. when trying to explore how I developed it, It makes sense that it has come from abandonment and feeling neglected in relationships where all I wanted was to feel loved. AKA with my parents. In previous romantic relationships, I have noticed I "settled" for people that showed slight interest in me. As a teenager, I accepted relationships for the perks that came with it, such as attention and affection. I had to almost convince myself to like these people. but this would eventually backfire as I was the one getting broken up with and experiencing heartbreak. Taking a long break from relationships/dating (around 4 years?) was a very good decision. I focused on school and friendships, especially during covid where making online friends from college became very easy as an introvert. Once I graduated, it hit me that now that I was done with school and working full time, there was something that felt like I was missing. holidays made me realize I was craving a romantic connection. I had suffered from dysthymic depression for so long that I had not realized what I yearned for until I got on medication and began to feel better. I decided to try online dating around spring of 2022. that was an interesting experience. I started dating someone who had no previous relationship experience. I was hesitant at first, I wondered if there was a reason they were not successful, or was it external factors/unluckiness? I quickly realized it was nothing to do with unluckiness and everything to do with his porn addiction. Looking back, I genuinely feel sympathy for men that have effected so much by their porn consumption that they cannot speak to women irl. The scariest part was realizing that the person you thought you knew fairly well was the exact opposite. Online, he lived a completely different life. sex-obsessed and porn rotting brain in a site where he could anonymously roam in. I was able to get over that person fast because I realized I wasn't really into them, just into the attention they gave me. im aware that sounds shallow, but it was what I really needed at the time. The post and comments that I also found quickly made me realize I did not know this person at all.

Fast forward to February, I was feeling a bit sad that valentines day was coming up and I had no plans. Solitude became something I was comfortable with these past couple of years, but I still yearned for something. So I decided to download hinge and see what was in the dating pool (lol). some strange dates after, I met a guy that I clicked with. He was everything I couldve asked for; beautiful, hawt, nice, charming. Both sides clicked and we decided to get in a relationship. Fast forward to now, we are almost 6 months together and I am the happiest version of myself. Now here is where Im struggling. My anxious attachment is biting me in the butt. I am so scared that he is going to wake up randomly and decide he doesn't like me anymore, or unable to resist temptation and be unfaithful. A big reason why I have these irrational thoughts is due to stories I have heard online and irl, and my past relationship traumas. Yet I feel like a dick for even thinking that he would do anything like that. I think something that also plays a role is possibly how many sexual partners he's had, and how good he is at sex. im afraid that I won't be able to satisfy him fully that way, and that he will seek it elsewhere like so many men do. and he's so fucking hot too which makes me nervous! like other people can see him and say "dayum." AH! I have talked to him about this, because I know that if I don't, I will begin over analyzing his behaviors/actions and convince myself that my delusions are correct. He is so sweet to me. He picks me up from home, buys me food/dinner, talks to me and listens to my worries without being defensive, tells me that he loves me, introduced me to his family and friends, has met my fam and some friends, isn't selfish with money. I feel that sometimes it feels to good to be true. Like, this is some evil psychological trick that will lift me up and then crash on me. why do I feel like I don't deserve good things? why do I overthink so much to the point where I make myself cry? I feel so unstable sometimes. am I planting rotten seeds that will eventually make him realize he cannot be with someone so emotional? I deserve good thing. I deserve love. I deserve him. He is everything I could have ever asked, and I am so afraid that I am not the same for him. Im not in shape, I am not conventionally attractive, I have terrible hyperpigmentation, I don't have cool hobbies, I put all my self worth into making others proud. thats why im even starting grad school in the first place. I come from a very poor upbringing, I have little to no family around me. I could go on and on, but what good will that do. it will just make me feel worse about myself. I need to work on this. I have heard from others how good I am as a person, that I am beautiful in my own way. I guess I just need to believe it.

[fightxxmexxshiggy]

HOT DAY AND A TIRED MAN

This fic is dedicated to @lovelyladyraven for being my first ever paid commission.

Shouta Aizawa x fem reader

Tw:dangerous situation, breeding, OVERSTIMULATION

Word count: 3.5k

This was not how you had planned to spend your day. Your boss had decided that the roof needed to be cleaned on the second hottest day this summer! Of course you were the only one who had just finished up their task so he sent you to do it by yourself with a promise of sending the next available person up to switch with you soon. Instead you had spent two hours cleaning up dirt and shining the vents on a roof that no one but maintenance workers ever set foot on! Once you had seen how much time had passed you went to the door with every intention of stomping down the stairs and clocking out, not willing to do overtime just to clean a roof. But the knob wouldn't turn no matter how hard you pulled. You banged on the door a few times only to realize that one of the idiots that you work with had locked the door. Quickly you took out your phone and called the store phone no answer, then your boss's phone no answer, then you called the two other coworkers who had been working with you today. Not a single person answered you! You went over to the side of the building that looked over the parking lot seeing that all their cars were already gone from their usual spots. The bastards had left for the day and left you locked on the roof with no way to go home or even get water. You tried for another 30 minutes to reach your boss and coworkers only for them to start rejecting your calls. They did this on purpose. You went and sat in the shade of the roof door access and took a few calming breaths. You knew that they weren't going to come back until tomorrow and you also knew that they probably expected you to sit up here and cry waiting till morning for them to come and "save" you. So instead you looked up the number for the local fire department. Once someone picked up you heard a deep gravelly voice through the speaker. 

"Fire station 6 what can I help you with?" 

The man seemed tired and kind of put out but instead of apologizing for bothering him like your brain was screaming at you to do, you cleared your throat and spoke. You gave him a detailed rundown of your situation and explained that you would have called the emergency line first except your boss's wife worked the police directory and if he was locking you on the roof like this you were afraid that his wife would just not send anyone to help you. It was a small town and things like that were constantly looked over as long as you knew the right people. He hummed in agreement.

" That's sad but true. I know your boss and his wife well enough that you're probably 100 percent right about what they would do and how they would cover this up. They've done it before. Me and a few guys will be there in about 20 minutes to come get you down. Just keep calm and do your best to stay out of the sun until then we don't need you getting any more dehydrated than you already are."

He gave a quick goodbye and hung up. You breathed a sigh of relief knowing that you had chosen correctly when you called the fire station. You sat in the shade and tried to put a face to the voice of the tired firefighter who would be coming to free you from your rooftop prison. Like a fool you had never asked his name. As you thought about it you started to get a bit lightheaded. It had definitely been too long since you had any water. The heat was starting to get to you now that your adrenaline had stopped pumping so hard. With nothing else to do you layed down as much in the shade as you could and did a breathing exercise. During your exercise you must have blacked out because the next thing you knew you were being carried down the stairs in a set of strong arms. 

The person carrying you was speaking to you but you couldn't make out what they were saying over the fog that was covering your brain. You knew the sound of that voice though. It was the tired firefighter but he sounded a whole lot less tired and a whole lot more angry. You really hoped he wasn't angry at you. Maybe you were too heavy and he was annoyed at having to lug you down the stairs. With a weak hand you reached up maybe to apologize somehow, but ended up cupping his cheek. His stubble felt funny in your already funny feeling hand. He stopped walking at the feeling of your hand on his face. You still couldn't open your eyes so instead you mumbled a garbled sorry and proceeded to pass back out going limp. The last thing you heard was the tired firefighter yelling at someone, maybe you?

You woke up again this time to the feeling of something plastic on your face. Opening your eyes was still a bit too much for you so you listened and tried to figure out what was going on. You vaguely remember the tired voice you had spoken to before you felt light headed and the feeling of being carried. As you listened you could make out the sounds of machines. Slowly you took stock of your body. You were sore and kinda warm but you could move a little bit. You breathed deeply, finally realizing that the plastic was an oxygen tube. You were definitely in the hospital then. After a few more minutes your eyes were in good enough condition that you opened them to look around the room. When you did you saw someone slumped in the chair in the corner. This was incredibly strange since you had no family in this town. Doing your best you cleared your throat preparing to ask who they were. At your sound the person's head shot up, eyes wide. 

It was a man with tired eyes and long black hair that was on the scruffy side; it easily matched the stubble of a beard on his chin and cheeks. He stood up definitely tall enough to tower over you even when you were standing up yourself. The man walked to your bedside and took a deep breath before speaking. 

"It's good to see you awake little one. I was beginning to think you weren't going to wake up. I'm the firefighter you spoke to asking for help when you were on the roof. I have a lot to explain to you but I'm gonna call the doctor in and have them look you over before anything else."

He called out into the hall after that and a doctor and a nurse bustled into the room within minutes. Your throat was too dry to answer their questions so you stuck to little nods and head shakes as they began to check your vitals and adjust your iv drip. Once they were sure you were stable enough you were once again left with your savior and no voice to thank him with. He came closer and pulled the chair along with him to settle in for your conversation. 

"So you've been out of it for about 3 days. You got sunstroke while you were on the roof and your boss had double locked the door to get in and the door to the roof which slowed us down in getting to you. Your boss and his wife and your 2 coworkers have all been arrested. It was your boss's idea though apparently he kept hitting on you but you didn't give him the time of day so he wanted to teach you a lesson. His wife had your name flagged so that if you had called for help it would have given a dispatcher a notification to ignore you as a false reporter. His wife found out about his interest in you and was planning on making sure you were stuck on that roof all night. Your coworkers just went along with it because they didn't want to deal with your boss's anger."

Hearing all this pissed you off beyond belief. They could have killed you all because you would be a man's mistress and the man's wife would rather hurt someone than confront her husband. He looked at your face and patted your knee knowing there was nothing he could say that would make you feel any better about this. You looked up at him and grabbed his hand and brought it to your forehead, touching his knuckles there before placing a kiss on them. You were kind of happy that you couldn't really talk just yet because the blush on this man's cheeks was well worth the dry throat. He poured you a cup of water and handed it to you. You gave him a small smile and drank it gratefully. 

Eventually you could speak some and the two of you formally introduced yourselves. He was Shouta Aizawa, the fire station chief and local fire safety instructor for this area. He hadn't felt right leaving you alone after he had gotten you off the roof and found that you lived alone in this town. He came off very blunt and serious but you could see his deep kindness in his actions. The doctors came back in, cutting your conversation short and making Shouta go back to his spot in the corner. After a few more checks the doctors cleared you to go home the following day as long as you had someone to watch over you for the next three days till your follow up appointment was. You frowned cause you did have any close friends who could do that for you. As you pondered over it you heard Shouta's voice over the doctor's. 

"If you don't have a problem I can have you stay over in the guestroom at my house. I was already on a temp leave due to watching over you here so it wouldn't be much different with you at my house."

This man with a deep whiskey voice truly had a heart of gold. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth you readily agreed. After you had been up a few more hours and had a little bit to eat, Shouta left with the promise of a freshly cleaned room waiting for you tomorrow. You fell asleep that night feeling more cared for than you ever truly had. You woke up again slightly disoriented and thirsty but in much better condition than you had been the day prior. It was early so you took your time shaking the numbness out of your limbs and getting back your bearings. The nurse came in fussing about you standing with calling anyone to be a catcher for you. She stopped fussing though when she realized that you were indeed stable enough to walk to the bathroom alone. 

Shouta had called the nurses station around 10 to let them know he'd be there by 12. With a few puppy dog looks you had a shower chair and an orderly who helped wash your hair and walk you back to bed. They had given you some hospital pajamas that you happily wore instead of the ugly gowns you had woken up in. You were clean and relaxed by the time Shouta had arrived to sign you out of the hospital. A nurse came around with a wheelchair and wheeled you down to the exit while the car was brought around. Shouta opened the door for the backseat but instead of giving you a hand to climb in he leaned down and scooped you out of the chair. Once you had been sat comfortably on the seat he shut the door leaving you with a moment to appreciate just how strong his arms were.

The drive to Shouta's home was relatively quick as is the way of small towns. His house was nice and seemed to be a cozy ranch style. After pulling into the garage you tried to get out yourself only to be caught up against a hard chest as your legs gave out the moment they were made to take your full weight. You looked up to see an exasperated glare. Part of your brain filled with chastised thoughts as the other filled with dirty thoughts. You really had to be better behaved when It came to your savior and benefactor but with him being so sinfully attractive it was kinda hard to do. Once again you were carried by the tired man this time into his home and deposited on the lone couch in his living room. He sat on his coffee table and faced you with a sigh. 

"You're really gonna have to rely on me for a few days brat. Your body is trying to heal and you pushing it as you just did isn't doing the process any favors."

You sighed and agreed with him. After a short conversation about a few things you might need from the store and checking about any food allergies he got ready and  headed to the store. You sat alone watching tv before clicking into his YouTube app to see what he watched most. A loud laugh burst from your chest as you realized that most of his watch history was full of cat videos and a few interviews with a local late night radio host. You watched the radio hosts videos thoroughly entertained by his boisterous personality. The next thing you knew you were being shaken awake by Shouta having fallen asleep with videos still playing on the tv. He helped you up and walked you to the bathroom and waited outside before scooping you up yet again. He was making it so damn hard not to think dirty thoughts when he kept carrying you around as if you were a small animal or something. Like sir the butterflies are in the stomach now but they will quickly fly south if you keep being so quietly sexy. A few hours later you were lying in bed when your thoughts finally got the best of you and had you touching your pussy as images of Shouta glaring down at you with his arms crossed showed behind your eyelids.

You had no idea how loud you were being as you rubbed your clit harshly, trying to get to the finish line. As you came you choked out his name. While you panted and came down from your high Shouta made his way back to his room quietly. He leaned back against his door and made a call before laying in his bed to jerk his very hard, very neglected cock. His brain kept replaying the sounds you made, the way you choked out his name as you came, how a satisfied little smile curled on your lips after you reached the finish line. He came with a growl, satisfied but not. He was definitely going to end up in trouble by the end of the week and he couldn't find it in himself to care. The following two days followed the same pattern, spending the day together and spending the night getting off to thoughts of the other in separate rooms. Though you were surprised to find that Shouta regularly walked around the house in nothing but sweatpants holding a full mug of coffee. On the fourth day you had become well enough to no longer need to be carried or walked everywhere. You were a little confused by Shouta's attitude as he had been glaring at the space above your head for most of the day. Finally tired of him doing this, you confronted him about it. You were not expecting his answer in the slightest. 

"I've spent the last three nights hearing you play with your pussy while calling my name, I'm hard enough to hammer nails and I can't get out any over this energy cause I'm supposed to be watching out for you. All I wanna do is fuck you till you lose your mind. me glaring above your head has been me doing my best not to seduce you like an asshole."

He said everything in such a deadpan manner that you couldn't help but laugh. Once you caught your breath you grinned at him and pulled your shirt off over your head. Sitting on his couch with your tits hanging free and your nipples hardening in the cool air you proceeded to play with them. You were immediately picked up and taken to his room before being dropped on the bed. Never let it be said that the tired man couldn't move fast as you were stripped of your remaining clothes before he stripped himself bare. He pulled you to the edge of his bed by your ankles and dropped to his knees, a fierce smile on his lips. 

"Been wanting to taste this bratty pussy for days. Bet it's as sweet as it looks."

His first lick was long. From your hole all the way over your clit. The squeak you let out at the feeling only made him more hungry. He spent what felt like an endless amount of time licking and thrusting his tongue as deep into your pussy as he could. By the time he finally gave your clit some much needed attention his chin was covered in pussy juice and your hole was fluttering as if it was seeking to be filled. Shouta teased you with a few small licks over your clit, making you whine and beg him to give you more. His arms wrapped around your thighs as he locked eyes with you and sucked your clit into his mouth. He sucked hard making you scream and thrash wildly. Your hands were buried in his hair as you squirted into his mouth. Your hips only stayed on the bed because of his strong arms keeping you in place. When he finally released your clit pussy juice was steadily leaking from your still twitching hole. 

"Oh did I break you already? You were so bold before and now you're just a mess. Think you can take my cock or do you want me to tuck you in for a nap."

The shit eating grin on his face was enough for you to pull his hair and glare at him. He sat up and shoved your wrists above your head to hold in one of his large hands. Slowly he worked his fat dripping cock into your almost too tight pussy. You whined and moaned his name as he finally bottomed out hitting your back wall. He stretched you more than you ever had been before but it was so damn good. Shouta started slow, one hand gripping your thigh as he ignored your demands for him to speed up.

"You're gonna take what I give you like a good girl or I'll just pull out and cum all over you right now."

That shut you up except for the constant stream of moans that left your throat. Just as you were finally getting used to being split by such a thick cock he changed his rhythm. Fast pounding thrusts that knocked the breath from your lungs were nearly constant. You didn't have enough breath to scream so you sobbed. Your half words were incoherent except for "sho please." Shouta leaned down and whispered in your ear as his thrusts once again spread up. He bit your ear lobe before making you lose your mind. 

"Such a tight little hole. I can't believe I had the strength to ignore it for three days. I could have at least eaten it while you laid back and rested. God I'm gonna have you for breakfast tomorrow." 

The utter heat in his words threw you over the edge making you cum so hard you began to shake. He growled as your pussy clenched down on him. Shouta sunk his teeth into the pillow by your head before shoving his cock against your cervix and shooting his cum against it. As soon as he finished cuming he started to thrust again. No slow start this time, just hard pounding thrusts that made you wail in pleasure. It didn't take long for you to cum again but Shouta lasted longer this time entirely fucking his cum out of you before finally cuming inside again just as deep as the first time. 

He pulled out and laid down next to you before pulling you on to his chest. You both panted trying to breathe like normal human beings again. Right as your breathing evened out you heard a voice from the doorway. And looked up to see the blonde radio host trailing his eyes over the two of you.

"I told you you wouldn't make it till I got home sho."

[ashintheairlikesnow]

If you are still taking comfort prompts…⛑ for Kima?? 🥺

CW: Lab whump, mer whump, medical whump, referenced incision, restraints, brief emeto, dehumanization/nonhuman whumpee, caretaker whumper

"Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay, stop-"

The mer on the table clicks and whistles in distress, jolting against the straps that tie him down, his mouth open to show those rows of razor-sharp fangs. The whistles nearly deafen her, and she slaps her hands over her ears as pain spikes through her behind her eyes.

"Fuck!" She's bent over nearly in half, her palms jammed against her head until the pain from that pressure nearly matches the pain of the awful fucking sounds.

This job doesn't pay enough for this.

She stumbles across the room, one hand grappling for something, anything she can use to stop him. He's still screaming in the way of the mer, with those high-pitched whistles that never stop, only rise and fall, rise and fall.

Somewhere deep inside her, she hears, as if shouted from a distance, Bahram, Bahram, Bahram-

The man the mer trains with, she thinks, the one they keep in the little cell off by himself. They'd been working with the two of them before they called her in for cleanup, he must have just left before she arrived.

She groans, finding the set of switches on the wall by the door. Her first choices just turn the damn lights off, plunging them into darkness, before she hits the right one.

She flicks it up, and the thing's panicked whistles turn to pained shrieks as its every muscle tenses at once, the table itself sending electrical pulses through its body.

Dimly, she can hear an answering scream from the hallway, deeper-voiced and human.

Bahram, wails the voice in her mind. Come back, come back, come back-

None of it's in words, just impulses and feelings and images that have to rearrange themselves into human thoughts for her to fully understand them. The mers' minds are different, they don't think the way people do.

She flicks the switch back off, and the mer collapses limply onto the examination table, eyes wide, shoulders and arms twitching compulsively in aftershocks.

She slowly stands straight again, looking at him through narrowed eyes. His head slowly turns and looks back at her, and those huge eyes are so, so very green and sad. Even with no pupil, even with no whites to his eyes, she can read the immense fear and loneliness there.

"Don't do that," She says, voice shakier than she intends it to be, not authoritative at all. "Don't make that face at me. You did that to yourself."

He doesn't seem to comprehend, just keeps looking at her as she makes her way back to him. She sighs and picks up a small packet, tearing it open to reveal the antiseptic wipe folded inside. She opens it up, but when she starts to hold it out, the mer flinches back and clicks repeatedly, shivering.

He's scared she'll hurt him more.

"I didn't want to hurt you in the first place," She whispers, and presses a hand flat to his belly to hold him still, where the scales start to overtake the thick, rubbery skin. She can feel him trembling as she gently presses the wipe to the incision the researchers made, testing the pain connections between the mer and his human thrall.

Bahram Anvari - Subject 012, she reminds herself not to think of the residents with names or it makes things worse - had screamed, eventually, when they cut deep enough into the mer.

One of the researchers had felt an echo of it, too, and thrown up into the wastebasket in the corner she is currently resolutely ignoring. Maintenance can handle that.

They'd thrown a couple stitches onto the incision, but it still wept the strange blood of the mer, too dark and rich with oxygen. She cleans it carefully off, and finds her hand rubbing over his stomach like she's comforting a frightened puppy as she works.

"It's all right," She whispers, only because the cameras in here don't pick up sound. "It's all right, little thing."

He's taller than she is - or longer, she guesses, since he has a tail and not legs. Still, the researchers estimate his age at half-grown for his species. He's a calf, he should be with his pod in the Arctic, not here strapped down to a table and fading away.

He clicks twice in question, and his fingers twitch, the claws on the end clicking on the metal table.

"Almost done," She soothes, and carefully presses fresh, clean gauze over the wound, using adhesive strips and then pulling out the clear plastic wrap, which she must wind beneath his back and around, again and again, to ensure the saltwater he spends most of his time in won't get into the wound.

She moves down to the incidentals - his bruises get a numbing cream rubbed onto them, the spaces where he has rubbed his wrists raw to bleeding fighting his restraints are wrapped in bandages and plastic, too.

He watches her as best he can without being able to sit up or move much, those green eyes shifting a little as he follows her movements. He flinches whenever she touches him, but slowly his compulsive trembling starts to settle, and eventually he seems nearly boneless. It's not a real relaxation, she knows that - just exhaustion overtaking him after a long day of testing.

"Bbbbh-" He struggles, and coughs, weakly. His nasal slits flare as he takes in air, his gills tightly shut along his neck. "Bbbb-... rm."

She heads across the room to the walking-tank, basically just an oversized bucket on wheels. He can barely fit into it, but it gets him down the hall and back into the larger holding tank he spends his time in.

She undoes the straps over his arms first, and then the one over his chest. She helps him to sit up, and he's heavy, all that muscle rippling under the odd skin. Some of it's wasted away, though - he's lost a lot of weight since he came here, and he'd already lost weight before that. He doesn't eat sometimes for days, leaving the fish they throw him to rot and swimming in circles in his holding tank or picking off the scales from his tail until they bleed, pulling out his hair.

It makes her think of the last lab she worked at, where there was a parrot whose little parrot friend died of some kind of illness, and the poor dear plucked out all her feathers before they were able to bring a new one in.

"All right, into the tank," She says, and the creature looks at her. He's pitiful. "Hey, none of that."

"Bbbbbh-rmmm," He says, and his hands move. His left hand makes signs, one after another.

She sighs. "You know we don't do that here. Into the walking tank. Here we go."

He allows himself to be helped into it, the water sloshing up over the sides when his form is added to it, squeezing in. She presses in the code to unlock the door and wheels him into the hallway, past the other labs. In some of them, other subjects are being worked on, and she ignores the sounds that trickle out from underneath the heavy doors.

It's not until they've gone through two sets of double-doors, each one locking them into a small middle area before the next set unlocks to let them through, that she whispers, "I'm sorry we hurt you, little mer. They want to understand you, that's all."

The mer doesn't respond, just stares straight ahead.

When they re-enter his room, she sees yesterday's fish still in the feeding bucket attached to the edge, and groans. The whole damn room smells like old fish, and her stomach flips in response. "Come on, buddy, you can't just starve yourself to death."

He doesn't look back at her. She dumps him into the side-pool as gently as she can, and then moves over to the number pad next to it, pressing her code in. The side-pool moves into gear, whirring softly as it slides him into the bigger holding pool, locks, and then lets him free.

He drifts out into the water, sullen and silent.

She rakes a hand back through her hand, nose wrinkling as the smell doesn't seem to dissipate. Then she brightens, a little. "Hey!" She claps her hands. The mer ignores her, until she walks over and taps on the thick glass of the tank. He jumps, but he looks at her, then.

She has a memory of the aquarium and her father saying, don't do that honey, fish hate that.

"Hey. Will you eat if I bring Resident 012-.... if I bring Bahram Anvari to feed you?"

The mer clicks, muffled through the water, and does the signs he did before.

Her eyebrows furrow. "Is... are you signing his name?"

The mer darts towards her through the water so quickly she stumbles back, as though he could break through the glass, but he smacks his hand into it and nods, quickly, doing the signs again and giving a high-pitched wail that drops low, like whalesong.

"You'll eat if he-... if he feeds you?"

She has a sudden flash of Bahram's face inside her mind, clearly written there as though she's looking right at him.

BAHRAM. BAHRAM. BAHRAM.

"Oh, fuck," She whispers.

She can't tell anyone it's doing this - she'll be the next one in a cell if she admits talks to her brain, too.

She sets her shoulders and jaw and gives a short nod. "Okay-... okay. I'll bring him by at feeding time, okay? Try to get some rest before that."

She turns and walks away, flicking the light switch and plunging the room into darkness.

As she steps outside, she is hit with one more perfectly writ feeling, etched across her mind by the mer as he connects with her.

Gratitude.

"Fuck, I'm a fucking henchman in a James Bond movie," She mutters, and locks the door.

-

@lost-in-labradorite-halls @astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @what-a-whump @misspelledwitch @thefancydoughnut @whumptywhumpdump @boxboysandotherwhump @yet-another-heathen @fanmanga1357-blog @justabitofwhump @crystalrainwing

[taechaos]

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from Textbook Love drabbles

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble(?), smut, college au

synopsis: “She’s too sweet,” Taehyung begins, “too kind, too nice, everything you’re not. You wouldn’t be trying to keep me away from her if you didn’t know that. Are you afraid she’ll like me better?”

warnings: slight angst, arguing, dubcon, mild violence

word count: 4.7k

a/n: ima need yall to submit jk gifs cuz it is taking me TOO long to find a good one 👺 not proofread.

The weekend is fun: students’ two days of temporary rest and catching up on their assignments. Jungkook doesn’t concern himself with the latter, but he does enjoy waking up later in the day and lying down on the grass with his arms crossed under his head, bathing in the sun without any worries. It’s peaceful, thinking thoughts of you with dimmed eyes while the breeze gently wafts past him.

But of course, Taehyung wouldn’t let him just enjoy his day without a hint of irritation. Good things never last anyway. He’s sitting in the middle of the field, a hot spot for relaxation, and feels the soil under his palms while observing his surroundings. Yoongi is with them, munching on a few snacks while scrolling through his phone as it quietly plays music.

“The girl at the party,” Taehyung begins before glancing at Jungkook through his sunglasses, “she was alone when I came back. You weren’t around either; did you cum too soon or something? I saw you two kiss.”

“I left,” Jungkook mumbles without opening his eyes.

“Why?”

“I was bored.”

“And where did you go?” he pries.

“None of your business.”

Taehyung scoffs at his dismissal before averting his gaze elsewhere. “I do have a guess.”

“Don’t start,” Yoongi warns him without looking up. The two best friends usually get into arguments in a matter of seconds daily, and Yoongi just wants to spend his day without having to break up a fight. Just this once, he hopes… but hope doesn’t save him.

“I’m just wondering if you actually went all the way back to campus to fuck another girl, who coincidentally also does your homework.” His tone is cool and collected, but it borders on mocking that usually goes unnoticed. He’s been around these two too long for them to miss, however. Yoongi sighs, dreading the response already.

Jungkook sits up on his elbows with a glare directed towards Taehyung. “How’s your ex holding up, Tae? You think she cheated on another guy yet?”

Neither of the two friends have a filter around them, no consideration for their words as they apathetically insult one another; but Jungkook can go too far, especially by bringing up old wounds. 

Taehyung was in a toxic relationship with his first girlfriend of two years, which took a huge toll on his mindset. Constant infidelity, endless forgiving, make up sex and catching her with another man after: a cycle that went on for over 24 months. The concept of love became tainted in his eyes, no longer interacting with the opposite gender if not to get laid, and Jungkook’s commensalistic - rather parasitic - relationship doesn’t disprove his hateful ideology. Love only consists of two people: a host who provides, and the parasite that selfishly takes it all. 

But he isn’t over the pain that lasted a year after the break up, which was shamelessly executed by the parasite: his former girlfriend. It took a lot of trust to open up about it to his friends, and it lifted a heavy weight off of his chest. Only this year did he stop thinking about her, until Jungkook asked about her so casually. It stings his heart only for a second, and he scoffs as Yoongi intervenes, “Both of you need to shut the fuck up.”

“If you guys want to talk about my relationships, then don’t get all whiny when I talk about yours.”

Taehyung swallows his pride and confidently answers, “I don’t know, Jungkook. I hear she’s doing well, but no information on her boyfriends. Your turn: what’s going on with that nerd?”

“Elaborate.”

“Are you two dating?” Yoongi asks exhaustedly. They just keep taking every opportunity to annoy each other, and it’s even overwhelming him at this point. 

Rolling his neck side to side in thought, Jungkook takes a moment to answer, “No.”

“Bullshit,” Taehyung spits. “You know what? Let’s just move on. I’m sure I could get proper answers from someone else.”

“If you have a death wish, that is,” he warns with a slight seethe before lying back down.

He doesn’t respond and hides a smirk, a couple having a romantic picnic ahead of him from a distance. He watches them for a few seconds before muttering to himself, “It’s not going to be my death.”

Yoongi and Jungkook chill on their own after Taehyung leaves. He’s roaming the campus in hopes of finding that one girl who is always wearing some school skirt and working 24/7 to find out what is so special about her. Jungkook might think he doesn’t notice them interacting, but behind that airhead facade, he’s observant. It’s not that big of a fucking secret either, they’re not deliberately hiding their strangely beneficial friendship or whatever. You stick out like a sore thumb in the yard, though there’s not many people to tell you apart from anyway.

He approaches you rather slowly, inspecting your figure first before meeting you. Your posture is straight and composed, fingers quickly typing away on your keyboard without even looking at them. You look so serious to him, a contrast to the radiant butterflies flying past you in such a bright environment. He wonders if you ever procrastinate or take breaks, and most importantly, how someone that appears so smart has fallen into such an obvious trap set by his best friend of all people. 

His hands are in his pockets as he speaks his first words to you. “Hi, I’m Taehyung.”

Your reaction is instant: a quick look at him and you’re already frowning. “I’m Jungkook’s best friend,” he adds in case you’ve seen him around before. 

“I don’t know you.” And with that distant reply, you return to your essay. If meeting Jimin has taught you anything, it’s that you can’t trust anyone who claims to know your lover. They are just using it against you… 

“Well, shit,” he laughs, “I didn’t realize you were so cold.” Your eyes don’t waver from your screen, so he tries another approach: “Are you the girl Jungkook left the party a few days back for?”

Your ears perk up in his direction, but you don’t show it. But he notices the pause in your taps before you continue typing, and he holds that against you. He takes a seat across from you, and your laptop covers your face from him. “I just wanted to meet the person that’s got him whipped enough to get high and run off to them.” You bite down on a smile and prolong your silence. “I guess I’ll talk to you when you’re not busy.” 

He stands up just as you tell him, “Wait, no, I’m not busy.” You close your laptop mid-way before hesitating, but slam it shut nonetheless. “Sorry.”

“You’re good.” He sits back down and clasps his hands on the table. “So what’s going on between you and him? He refuses to tell me, as if you’re his little secret.”

You shyly look down at your flats and twiddle your fingers on your lap. “We’re together… but he is very mysterious.”

It’s a good thing you don’t glance at him to hide your blush, because he’s a little skeptical. He puckers his lips and furrows his brows but controls his expression when you look up. He mentally curses for taking longer than a few seconds to respond; it’s suspicious. “I know right? I don’t know why he’s so reluctant to talk about you. You’re a total sweetheart.”

Approval from Jungkook’s friend: check. Will he like you more if you get along with his friends? The thought excites you, because at least this is someone he likes, unlike Jimin. “Thank you,” you shy a smile. “Um…”

You’re awkward: not Jungkook’s type, Taehyung notes. You’re obviously the host... “So is this a fling, or are you two serious?”

“We’re serious!” you immediately answer. “I love him, and he recently told me he loves me too. He used to kiss me for doing his homework, but now he does it out of nowhere.”

Wow… romantic. He suppresses a chuckle because he doesn’t want to laugh in your face, not when you’re so cute when you talk about him. Your eyes light up with a gleam, a lovesick smile gracing your face and now desperate to befriend him. You look like him when he was supposedly in love. You’re serious about Jungkook, but for how long? Especially when the other side of the relationship is not so committed. It should be mutual: with two hosts.

“Yeah?” he acts interested and raises his sunglasses up to his hair. “How does he act around you?”

“Well,” you start gushing, “he is a little closed off with his emotions.” True. “He doesn’t like me talking to other guys.” Ooh, interesting. “He can’t stand being ignored,” you chuckle. Can he now? “And… he is so cute when he’s jealous. He has this glare whenever I don’t give him enough attention, but he would never admit it. He likes being intimate with me, likes it when I reassure him. He never says it out loud though, I can just tell by looking at him. I’ve never felt this way for anyone, never fell in love with someone until I met Jungkook. I just want to make him happy because he used to look so sad when I watched him from afar.” A hopeless romantic.

Maybe if you didn’t sound so genuine and innocent, he would’ve made fun of you. But he just feels pity for someone who is so giving to someone who gives back so little. You don’t deserve it; don’t deserve to stay up working on so many assignments; don’t deserve to not have any hobbies; don’t deserve to be so unloved. You are pathetic, but it doesn’t turn him off.

Taehyung is a host too.

He clears his throat at the unexpected stirring emotions in his heart, “What do you love about him? Do you like being treated like shit or something?”

“He doesn’t treat me badly! He is like a light switch, you know? He doesn’t know how to act, sometimes sweet and sometimes… a little mean. I love him for his pure heart, and I believe that we are similar in a lot of ways.”

Taehyung can’t contain his snort. Similar? You are opposites. You are similar to him, not Jungkook. He feels… jealous. The pairing is just so ridiculous and flawed, but you’re neither of the two; you are just good. Taehyung can be good too. “So, what’s your Instagram user?”

The lack of commentary and escalation of the topic catches you off guard. It’s a distraction. “I don’t have an account,” you reply in confusion.

“Wow, I’d expect you to cyberstalk Jungkook on there,” he jokes with a laugh.

“He has an Instagram?”

He purses his lips, his grin faltering as he nods. He takes out his phone from his pocket to show you the account, and holds it in your face. Your lips part as you gently take it from him, curiously inspecting the collage of images. 

“He plays the guitar?” you ask in awe. You click on each picture to zoom in on them, and your heart jumps upon seeing his selfies while Taehyung hums. He is gorgeous in your eyes, and you want to keep up with his posts in hopes of seeing another selfie. These are hidden gems that Taehyung had the courtesy of providing to you.

“He’s learning,” Taehyung says, “you should sign up and post some pictures as well. You’re really cute.” His cheeky compliment makes you happy; he is basically giving you his blessing! 

“Thank you, and you’re right,” you chirp, “I will make an account after I finish this essay. Want to take a picture with me?”

It’s safe to assume that Jungkook wouldn’t mind you talking to his best friend, so why not expand your social circle? You’ll be more involved with his life this way. Taehyung stammers slightly before agreeing. He switches benches to sit next to you while you rummage through your backpack to find your phone. He finds it strangely endearing how you hold it, using your index finger to swipe between apps to find the camera. It almost stings his heart that you’re so old-schooled in a cute way. Once you angle it above you with your arm stretched out to your left, Taehyung appears to be behind you as he lowers his glasses. You smile brightly into the lens while he cutely puckers his lips. 

Click.

“Are you wearing perfume?” he asks before he can stop himself. Your scent tickles his nostrils sweetly, and he doesn’t know why he’s noticing so much about you or holding a conversation with a woman without being naked. It’s been a hot minute since Taehyung’s had such a platonic interaction, and it shouldn’t feel this nice. He shouldn’t want to continue it through social media either.

“Yes! Do you smell strawberries? I noticed Jungkook eating them before, so I use just about anything strawberry scented. Lotion, shampoo, shower gel…”

He tunes you out as you gush and focuses on the smooth movement of your lips. You’re too good, and Taehyung knows he isn’t the best person but at least he’s not as bad as Jungkook. I shouldn’t think like this… but am I wrong? He will break your heart. What if it’s the right time to intervene to save you from that misery, and be a friend to both of you? He doesn’t want you to fall apart and be completely crushed right in front of his eyes, not when he just witnessed how childishly happy and naive you are. It wouldn’t be fair to you, nor to the life lesson he was taught years ago.

And he then notices that you're wearing strawberry lip balm. 

“Jungkook kis-” -sed someone else before coming to you. You hum and tilt your head at his interruption, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “Jungkook… does love strawberries.”

Though your work ethics are questionable for how exhausting they are, it gets the job done sooner. The moment you’re assigned a task, you do it, regardless of if it’s yours or Jungkook's. Saturday evening and Sunday are free for you, so you spend your time outside after leaving your backpack in your dorm. You think you look silly, taking pictures of anything you find interesting to post on Instagram. You made an account, but it appears like a bot with its empty feed. Jungkook enjoys doing this, so you want to try it as well. 

You don’t stray far from campus because you’d easily get lost, and your gallery looks boring to you. The only decent photo you have is with Taehyung, but you want to post a picture with Jungkook before anyone else. You grumble under your breath while walking back to the dormitory building. You look through Jungkook’s posts again as you do so with a smile. 

A heavy arm slings over your shoulder and hitches your breath just as the culprit says, “What’s the rush?” He doesn’t even look at you, and you wonder if he recognized you from your clothes after coming up from behind you. 

“Jungkookie!” you cheer excitedly. He glances at you and quirks a brow at the nickname. His eyes then trail to your lit up phone and snatches it from you, which you don’t fight against.

“You’re stalking me?” He scrolls through his profile from your phone and smirks before stating, “I didn’t know you had an Insta.” The both of you enter the building with his arm still wrapped around you, which flutters your heart.

“I made one today, since you use it.” He exits his profile to look at yours. You’re in the elevator as you inform, “Taehyung told me.”

A pause, then a click. Jungkook snapped a photo of you when you pressed the button of your floor. “Pretty,” he comments while looking at your candid shot. You’re flattered and also happy that he’s joining your trip to your dorm. He hasn’t said a word of protest and takes the lead in going to your room. “What else?”

“Hm?”

“What else did he tell you?”

You rack your brain to remember anything significant to tell him. It was a long conversation: getting to know each other and more about Jungkook. “He told me you have an Instagram, then asked for my perfume, and then we talked about your love for strawberries-”

“Your perfume? Why was Instagram even brought up?” he presses, stopping in front of your door. 

You take out your keycard and shrug while swiping, “He asked for mine.”

The dorm is empty when you enter and sit on the edge of your bed. It’s very hard to not grin when you’re around Jungkook, but he doesn’t seem to care as he looks through your gallery. “Can we take a picture together?” you peep hopefully. 

“Of course,” he murmurs absentmindedly, intently staring at your phone. “We’ll take many pictures,” he looks up at you before leveling with the camera, “pose.”

You aren’t very educated on the art of posing per se, so you imitate the peace sign you saw him do with a wide smile and a hand on the bed. He is neutral when he snaps a picture with a shutter. 

“I want you to be in it.”

He drags his eyes away from the screen and his blank expression intimidates you. “Whose idea was it for you to make an account?”

“Um… Taehyung, why?” You lay your hands on your lap at the growing tension.

Taehyung went to this extent to get a reaction out of him? Is it possible that he’s this obnoxious? Or perhaps another motive…?

“I-Is he not your friend?”

Jungkook breaks his silence of thoughts with a scoff, “Oh, only the best.” You sigh in relief, though he says it with menace. Taehyung was curious about his relationship, not about your social media. He forcefully pushes you down on the bed and you hold back a gasp as he wraps his finger around your neck in a light chokehold with a thumb on your nether lip. Click. He then lowers his hand to your thigh, hiding half of it under your skirt with a gentle grap. Click.

Your cheeks flush at the compromising photos he’s taking and you nervously ask, “A-Am I going to post these?”

“Shut up.”

You seal your lips shut and he flips you on your stomach, palming your covered ass with your side profile in the frame, and another shutter resounds in the room. “Sit up.” You follow his command and turn around to face him. He pushes your hair to your back and his mouth latches onto your neck. He’s biting you while sucking on your flesh, and you release a breathy moan at the feeling of his tongue swirling on the sensitive skin. It hurts, but you don’t complain and try to make sense of the growing arousal in your lower region. He only pulls away after half a minute and you’re confused by the satisfied smirk on his face while eyeing the result. He angles your jaw to expose your neck better and snaps another photo. “These are all going on your account.”

At your nod of submission, he starts unbuttoning your shirt. “You’re prettier with a mark. My mark.” Your body tingles at the compliment and you help him undress yourself by unbuttoning the ends. “Take off your skirt,” he demands as he slips off his shirt with ease. All of your clothes go off one by one as he does the same, and you don’t have the time to feel shy as his lips collide so roughly with yours that you’re pressed down against the mattress again. You still haven’t gotten the hang of making out, but it doesn’t matter with Jungkook because although it flows naturally, he also takes complete control over you. He’s not gentle, not with the way his teeth clash against yours and tongue leaving trails of saliva all over your mouth. Your toes curl with desire and anticipation, and you tug at his briefs that outline his erection. The feeling of his warm breath on you silences all your thoughts and you can only react on primal instincts. 

His crotch brushes against your bare folds, slick with your leaking wetness. Kissing him this passionately always leaves you feeling needy, and it embarrasses you that you get turned on so easily. But you don’t realize that is his intention as he glides his fingers all over your labia, making sure you’re ready to take all of him. 

Kissing you this passionately always leaves him feeling horny, and it’s apparent with his cock begging to be taken out of the restraints of his underwear. You don’t know how long you’ve been kissing, but your lips are numb when he pulls away to position himself in your entrance. He doesn’t prepare you, but he doesn’t rush himself either as he painfully slowly enters you. You hold your breath and gawn on your swollen lip, moans catching in your throat and leaving as high-pitched hums. He sighs at the feeling of your pulsating walls. “God… always so tight. Don’t you ever touch yourself?”

He bottoms out and you whimper shakily at how full you are. The fact that he fits you like a puzzle piece convinces you that he’s your forever, your meant to be. Even with your lack of experience with other men, you believe no one can make you feel this dreamy. And to think he’s all yours now… “I-I don’t. I only want to do it with you.”

The atmosphere is so fragile, so romantic. It’s not your delusion this time, because he feels it too and it makes his heartbeat sync with yours: unsteady and rapid. And in the heat of the moment, he reveals, “I think I’m in love with you.”

A whine leaves you, so loud that it can’t be achieved with touch but with his words. It’s the utmost pleasure, and when he realizes what he said, he sets a rushed pace to distract himself from the embarrassment of pouring his feelings. You don’t allow him to forget as you echo, “I’m in love with you too.”

“No, no,” he denies with a shake of his head and it emits more love confessions out of you in a chain of ‘I love you’s, and he grunts, “Stop. Shut up!” He pins your forearms on either side of your head in a bruisening grip and thrusts into you harder. You have no choice but to scream in pleasure, unable to form coherent words when he’s practically fucking your brains out. 

His feelings of humiliation translate to his actions: he pushes himself down to the hilt, throbbing with lust but doesn’t chase his high. He doesn’t want you to talk, not when he’s blushing for more than one reason, so he ignores the contraction of his muscles and just fucks you until he can’t anymore, hypnotized by the bounce of your tits.

Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s so desperate, hitting your most sensitive spot with every thrust and making your eyes screw back. Neither of you can think, so loud and reckless until you reach your climax. It’s core shaking, as you cry out his name and tremble with stimulation. He’s never seen this expression on your face, one so twisted in pleasure and looking so erotic. It comes as a surprise and in the form of a punch in the gut as he savours your appearance before cumming inside you with a groan. A slip-up, a mistake, but he doesn’t care as he paints your walls in white, his load filling you up.

And he can’t regret it when he pulls out, because the drizzle of his cum spilling out of your pussy easily becomes his favorite sight. “Shit,” he whispers as more and more drips while you twitch and spasm from your orgasm. You don’t even realize what he’s done, and that makes his chest swell with pride; the most level-headed woman he knows is leaking with his release and stupidly doesn’t spare it a thought. And with that hickey on your neck? “You look fucking gorgeous,” he exhales. A bashful smile stretches across your face with eyes still tightly shut, and you don’t notice him grab your phone on the other side of the bed to take a picture of your stained pussy. 

“This one is for me,” he mutters to himself. Click.

After posting the softcore photos on your account and tagging himself in them, as well as a note of a pharmacy’s address across campus with a label written for you to get two separate contraceptives as an emergency and for your next creampie, he leaves your dorm. You fell asleep on him, and though he had wanted to join you, he decided to collect his scrambled thoughts and go to Taehyung’s dorm first. He isn’t livid, but he has a few questions to ask.

He’s playing cards with Yoongi, Taehyung’s roommate, as he patiently waits for his arrival. “What’s wrong about asking for her Instagram, though?” Yoongi asks before drawing out a card of ace. “Isn’t she our friend by association anyway?”

“It’s suspicious,” Jungkook murmurs while inspecting his deck. “Have you ever seen Taehyung with a girl before? As friends? He’s clearly trying to fuck her.”

Yoongi stifles a laugh, “That’s a reach. Besides, you two have shared a girl before. Are you actually dating her?”

Shuffling is heard behind the door until it swings open as Taehyung enters. “Kookie! What are you doing here?” He throws his keycard on his bed before hopping on Yoongi’s to watch their game.

It’s strained, Jungkook notices. His excitement is forced; why? “I came here for you,” he states bluntly. “A little birdie told me you’ve been talking to someone who belongs to me.”

“I didn’t realize she was your diary,” he tries to lighten the mood with a joke. “What’s the deal anyway? You said you weren’t dating her.”

Yoongi collects the deck of cards after Jungkook drops them, and shuffles them while eavesdropping. He’s sitting cross-legged across from Jungkook, and Taehyung is sitting on the edge of the bed next to him with his body turned sideways.

“I also said that unless you have a death wish, don’t talk to her,” he grits. “And asking for her social media? Are you into her now?”

Taehyung merely shrugs. “I thought she was pretty chill. I don’t know why you’re so mad.”

“She obviously means something to him, so I think you should just respect that, Taehyung,” Yoongi voices his thoughts while leafing the cards. Jungkook looks to the side and pokes the inner cheek of his mouth with his tongue but doesn’t argue.

“I think he’s just using her.” Jungkook’s reaction is instant as Taehyung’s nose instantly starts to bleed from the impact of his fist. Yoongi doesn’t look up. He holds a hand over his injury with a hiss and continues, “Really, Kook? A little too much, don’t you think?”

“Less than enough,” Jungkook fumes, “I like her, and she likes me. Just fucking leave it at that.”

“Couple of the year,” Taehyung chuckles mockingly, “I give it two days.” He stands up before Jungkook can hit him again. “Can’t wait to console her after your break-up, maybe she’ll fall in love with me next.”

Jungkook starts chasing him around the room as Taehyung runs without stopping his provocation. “Why so upset Jungkook? Do you see it happening too? I’m already imagining how tight-”

“You should leave, Jungkook.” Neither of them listen to Yoongi, so he yells, “Jungkook, leave!”

A moment of deafening silence passes as both of them pause to catch their breaths. “She’s too sweet,” Taehyung begins, “too kind, too nice, everything you’re not. You wouldn’t be trying to keep me away from her if you didn’t know that. Are you afraid she’ll like me better?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Jungkook spits with a heaving chest. “She’s loyal to me, but I’m sure you’re not familiar with that concept. No wonder your relationships only last one night.” With a final glare, he leaves as told to return to you. The only thing he needs right now is one more ‘I love you’ from you, as much as he hates it. Maybe he’s cruel, but he doesn’t know anyone who isn’t aside from you. 

Maybe Taehyung is just as cruel, fantasizing about all the ways he could be better for you before drifting off to sleep with a bandage over his wounded nose. He can just be a friend to both of you… he can be good too… 

[motivatedtocry]

Obey me! Leviathan x GN! MC

Want Another Kiss?

Just MC trying to give Levi lots of kisses and love. Gets a little spicy at the end, though. 👀

Word Count: 1.8k

᯽ Part Two

| WARNING | Brief NSFW.

Levi was probably the most adorable out of all of the brothers.

At least in your eyes.

You can't say that you liked him from the beginning, though. He was sort of a jackass when you first met. Well, all of the brothers were, simply put. Calling you a normie? You were nothing but a normie!

If only he would've known then.

You shake your head, realizing that you will get nothing from going back to unpleasant memories. Instead, you look up. Leviathan was in his natural state; with his headphones well placed, sitting comfortably in his chair playing videogames on his computer. You, on the other hand, were sitting on the ground not too far behind him. You asked him if you could borrow his console to play for a bit and he agreed. It was just like the Nintendo Switch you had back at home.

You have gotten used to spending time in his room. After getting to know each other, Leviathan came soon to realize that you have a lot of things in common. From reading manga to staying up late playing videogames or watching anime. You smiled and giggled quietly. By default, it made you happy that the person you liked enjoyed the same things you did.

"Did you say something, MC?" Leviathan's voice surprises you. You were so deep in thought that you didn't notice his match was already over. He was holding part of his headset behind one of his ears, slightly turned in your direction still sitting on his chair. You shake your head and respond.

"No. I was talking to myself." you excused.

He shrugged. "Okay. I'm gonna play another match. If you're hungry, you know where the snacks are." He slightly smiles at you, turning around once again to face his computer."

And just before he could start, you called on him.

"Actually, Levi..." he answered with a little 'mhm?', giving you the cue to proceed. "Could you come here for a second?"

You didn't see it, but he frowned just before getting up from his seat. You moved back a bit to give him space to sit on the ground along with you. He ended up sitting in front of you, looking at you curiously.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I want to try something out with you." You murmured, getting closer to Leviathan. Close to the point where your knees touched his. You both were sitting with your legs crossed, so there was still a decent distance between the two of you.

The tone of your voice plus the distance that Leviathan now had you, had him slowly becoming a nervous wreck. A bright pink spread across his face, his imagination getting the best of him as he thought of what you might mean. It was no secret that you liked each other, you both had already confessed some time ago. He still couldn't quite believe it, but he accepted it.

"T-Try something out?"

You nod, smiling sweetly at him as you reached for his hands. You knew he was nervous. Hell, you were a bit nervous yourself. For that reason, you took the time to hold his hands, rubbing your thumbs over the base of these in an attempt to calm him down.

Which, in your mind, it worked completely. Leviathan looked at his hands between yours and he could swear he can hear the fast beating of his heart ringing in his ears. He worried that you could hear it, too, and that's why he wanted to let go of your hands. He was still not very used to physical touch from other people. But he was more worried that he will make you feel bad. So, he stayed in his position and waited for you to talk.

"Do you want me to let go of your hands?" you softly asked.

Leviathan started to panic. "N-No! I mean, yes, b-but not because of what you think! I-I like your touch, y-you can touch me anywhere! Wait! T-That s-s-sounds so...!"

"Levi." You called before he could even finish. "Breathe." You reminded him, holding back a laugh because of how cute you thought he was acting.

He did as told. As you started to become closer, you both started working on ways for Leviathan to properly communicate when he got flustered. You found it cute, but it must be very frustrating for him. He has a hard time expressing how he feels.

"I know what you're trying to say. I'm just holding your hands to make you feel calm." He let out a small 'oh' in response. If he was already embarrassed, he was now even more embarrassed. He intended to apologize, but froze after he heard you talk.

"Would you like me to kiss you?"

"K-K-Kiss?!" His voice trembled.

Leviathan has stopped working.

"K-Kiss me?! T-That's such... normie behavior! I-I don't know if I can-" he stopped himself. Too flustered to even continue what he was saying. He was so red that he could feel it. Was it always this hot in his room?

"If you don't want to, that's oka-"

"I want to!" He responds louder than he had planned, almost jumping on you while he tightened the grip around your hands. This scared you a little, and he noticed sooner than later. These are not hours to be screaming. "I-I want to," he says now more quietly as he lets go of your hands; placing his between his legs.

You smiled at him once again, changing your sitting position to a more suitable one to get closer to Leviathan. "I'm going to give you different types of kisses, and you're gonna tell me if you're comfortable with it or not. Okay?"

"O-Okay."

"Come closer, then."

He, again, does what he is told, leaning closer to you. He was really tensed, his lips were a thin line and his eyes were close shut so tightly that it was almost concerning. You chuckled, proceeding to plant a small kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Eh?" You heard him say as he opened his eyes.

Smiling, you ask, "what did you think of that one?"

"E-Eh? l-I liked it. I just thought...."

You just barely lean your head to the side, faking innocence and confusion. "You thought...?"

"N-Nothing!" He answers and you let out a soft laugh.

"Are you ready for the next kiss?" You ask.

He nods, closing his eyes again; awaiting. You both lean in, and that's when you leave a kiss on his cheek.

"Well?" You look at him.

"That one... felt nice."

"Do you want another one?"

He nodded childishly and you smiled. You leave another kiss on his other cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin and getting an up-close view of his still red face. Your heart feels full the more you look at him. Your love seems to grow stronger as the days pass. You wanted to give everything and anything to this demon.

"I really like them." He says calmly.

"The ones on your cheeks?"

"Uh-hum."

"Well, I like giving them to you."

He smiles at you, his eyelids almost closing because of how big his smile was. He was happy. He has felt so appreciated ever since he has spent more time with you. He didn't know how to thank you enough. He wanted to keep you all to himself. Have you to be the only one he cherishes. Deep in his heart, he knows he doesn't deserve you, or your love, but doesn't want to let you go.

You seemed to have noticed that his smile formed into a face full of sadness since you were looking at him with a serious expression.

"You better not be having any negative thoughts."

Leviathan didn't respond, telling you that your assumption was correct.

You sigh. "I guess I don't have a choice."

And before Leviathan could react, you were already tickling him.

"MC, no! Wait!" He attempted to say as he was squirming on the floor while you were on top, tickling him to your heart's content.

"I said only happy thoughts allowed!" You said, laughing along with him.

"I'm... sorry!" He said, out of breath and still in between laughs. "S-Stop!"

Once you decided that it was enough, you stop. You go back to the sitting position you were in and so does Leviathan.  You both tried to catch your breath. Neither of you were very active people. Going up the stairs was a whole workout session.

"That was not a kiss." You hear him say. You chuckled and shrugged.

"It's on you for having negative thoughts."

Now it was his turn to chuckle. "I won't do it again."

There was a short pause that, for some reason, felt like ages. A pause where the two of you looked at each other. It made your heart flutter. He leaned closer to you and swallowed, doing everything in his power to not let his nervousness eat him alive.

"Do you mind... kissing me more?"

The question took you by surprise.

Now, who was the flustered one?

As a pink color grew to fill your cheeks, you nodded and leaned to reach Leviathan. He had already had his eyes closed, and compared to the beginning, he was far more relaxed, waiting patiently. The blush in his face persisted, but it wasn't as noticeable as before.

He was comfortable.

Without hesitating, you press your lips against his in a soft kiss. You didn't move your lips, nor did he. It was short and sweet. You separated from him but kept a really short distance between the two of you.

"Did you like that one?" You murmured over his lips, gazing at them and then his eyes. 

"Yes," he answered. His eyes dropping to your lips when you talked.

"Then, what about this one?"

You leaned to kiss him again but before your lips touched, the tip of your tongue slid over his lips; winning a soft gasp from him that was cut short when you finally kissed him.

"Mh..." You heard him moan, and you felt your whole body burn.

You moved your lips every so often as you waited for Leviathan to follow along. His kisses were sloppy, but that, strangely, made his kissing even better. Once he caught up, your kissing picked up the pace.

Quiet gasps and moans were shared among you two. Soon after, you felt shaking hands hold your waist, fingers embedding into your skin over your clothes. Leviathan lift you up and placed you onto his lap. A groan coming from the bottom of his throat when it was you rubbed against his now hard crotch.

"I see you become bolder when you're excited." You tease, smirking at him.

"S-Shut up."

[randomshyperson]

Wanda x Reader - The one and only

Gif is not mine, another day falling in love with her.

Summary: You have always loved Wanda in secret. When Vision dies, she loves you back. But you are also the one who can bring him back. Prompt from @stay-casual

Warnings: Fluff, angst, death, insinuation and brief mention of smut (no sex though)

Words:  13.036k // Read on AO3 too

Marks: @mionemymind @abimess

Notes: Hope everyone like this, let me know if you don’t. Sorry for any typos. 

//-//

You loved someone who was not meant for you.

It was a bitter truth you had to accept.

Being an enhanced human, a Hydra experiment, and having spent years under physical and psychological torture by Nazi doctors, pain was not exactly something you were unaware of. You got used to it. You were always down to earth anyway, accepting things as they were.

When you joined the Avengers, you just hoped to help those in need, figuring your days of emotional stress were over.

But then you met Wanda Maximoff.

She was something you didn't understand in the first instant. When she tried to get inside your head, fighting as your enemy, you resisted and almost broke her neck. You saw fear in her eyes, and realized in that second that you would never again try anything that would hurt her. When her brother fought you, and you saw her worried expression, you surrendered. Steve and Tony scolded you for letting them get away, but you just tried to understand why your heart was racing when the witch looked at you before she escaped.

You fail to save Pietro however, and had to watch Wanda collapse. Never, even after so many battles, you felt so helpless. 

But you did everything in your power to be there for Wanda. S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't want to allow it, but you used all the favors they owed you to get Pietro's body not treated as an experiment, but as a civilian. And then you organized the whole memorial service. You didn't speak to Tony for two weeks, because he simply wasn't interested in the matter and you wanted to punch him in the face every time you remembered.

The ceremony was simple and small, and while Wanda was finishing paying her respects alone, you took the dirty dishes into the kitchen. Natasha was sitting at the counter and nodded slightly when you entered.

"You care about her." She said after a moment. You continued to wash the dishes, without sketching any reaction.

"Yes."

"No denying it?" she teases, but you remain impassive.

"I have no reason to lie to you, Natasha." You say with a smile. "We are friends, I trust you."

"Are you complimenting me to make me feel guilty for teasing you?"

"Maybe." You say laughing lightly, and Nat smiles.

"Something's bothering you." She says after a moment. You sigh, finished washing the glasses to turn around. You cross your arms and lean your back on the sink.

"If I hadn't organized everything, you would all treat Pietro like an experiment." You say seriously and Nat looks away. "I guess I was just disappointed in the way you all acted about it. Pietro was our teammate, and he sacrificed himself for Clint. If I didn't say or do anything, he'd be in a lab right now."

"You're right." Nat says next, holding your gaze. "But I don't know what to say. Everything has settled down now, and honestly most of us wouldn't have the power to get his body back."

You let out an impatient sigh.

"Right, Natasha." You interrupt and she blinks at your serious posture, but you just have an almost disappointed look on your face. "I should have known that you guys pick the fights you're going to fight. I just hoped that all members of the team would have the same importance."

"Y/N..."

But you just give her a sad smile, and turn around, leaving the kitchen. When you walked back to Pietro's grave area, you noticed that Wanda was kneeling on the ground, leaving some flowers. Vision was beside her, and when she stood up, she allowed him to hug her. Swallowing the bitter feeling in your stomach, you forced yourself to think that you were glad that he was there for her.

//-//

It doesn't take long for you to realize that you are in love with Wanda. It's not in your place to confess it, though. 

She is your friend, and your teammate. And more importantly, she is in a relationship with Vision. You were never the jealous type, because you were never possessive, and honestly, you just hoped that Wanda would be happy. And if Vision was responsible for that, that was enough for you.

When Steve and Tony start fighting, and the team splits up, there is not the slightest possibility that you will stand up to Wanda. So you throw your weapons on the ground, and Tony looks at you incredulously.

"Have you lost your mind?" He asks.

"I'm not going to fight with my friends." You say simply turning your back on him as you walk to the other side of the parking lot.

"She really changed sides in the middle of the fight?" You hear the boy dressed in red ask impressed. But you don't care.

"If the deal divides us, there's something wrong with it" You tell Steve when he accepts you as an ally. He smiles and then you are helping him, not fighting any of your companions, just deflecting blows and preventing them from hurting you.

Natasha lands a punch to your face, and your natural instinct is to knock her down. Before you can apologize, she assumes a provocative expression.

"Too bad I wasn't Wanda." She sneers and you roll your eyes, assuming a defensive stance as she stands up. 

"I don't want to fight you, Tasha" You say as you defend the blows. "Please, this isn't right."

"You don't just want to stand against your girlfriend." She taunts almost hitting a blow to your face, but you hold her leg up in the air.

"Why are you insisting on this?"

She releases herself from your grip, and you return to defending her attempts to punch you. 

"I just don't think it's fair."

"What are you talking about?"

"You should tell her. Wanda should know." She explains and then you hold her fist closed, preventing her from hitting you. She tries with her other hand, but you stop her again, restraining her. Your faces are close together. 

"No." You say seriously as she tries to break your grip. "She doesn't need to know."

"You deserve to be happy too." She says before breaking free by hooking her legs around your waist. You loosen her wrists to avoid being knocked over as you struggle.

"Tell her" Nat ordered again and you let out a sigh, knocking her to the floor and falling on top. 

"She has already found her soulmate" You reply with a sad smile, immobilizing Natasha "Now please stop fighting".

Nat hits you in the ribs, and you let out a grunt of pain. She manages to immobilize you next.

"You are unbelievable." She comments with a slight smile, and then she lets you go. "Always making me make the worst choices, darling."

You laugh  in surprise when Nat helps you up. You think Tony is complaining that it is not fair that people switch sides in the middle of the fight, but you are not listening. You watch Vision and Wanda interact from some distance away. And then you are helping Steve to the plane.

//-//

The fight is over and you are laughing, but not with happiness.

The government wants to arrest anyone who didn't escape from the parking lot, and they are coming. So you are holding Tony Stark by the neck.

"No one is going to touch her." You warn him, and there is only fear and surprise in the man's eyes, "How can you treat your friends like that?"

You saved James Rhodes' life during the fight, and so this is what you use against Tony.

He laughs when you put him down.

"What exactly are you asking me for?"

"Time." 

"You made that choice when you chose your side."

"That's too easy for you to say, isn't it, Tony?" you retort with irony. "If you take off the armor, you are no longer Iron Man, and the deal doesn't affect you. We don't all have that choice."

Tony looks at you with annoyance. And then he puts his hand to his ear.

"They've gone north." He warns the agents over the communicator. You look at him one last moment before turning, running back outside.

"Vision, let her go." You warn the man and he looks at you in surprise, probably trying to understand why Tony let you go. 

"I don't understand."

"They're up north, Vision." Tony says appearing at his side. "We couldn't reach the fugitives in time. Our colleagues have fled north."

Vision gives Tony one last look before letting go of Wanda's arm. 

As Wanda walks over to you, you signal to your the rest of the captain's team that you have also been contained. You find the Ant-Man is injured. 

"They also stole the transport vehicle in warehouse 23, the keys were in the cabin." Vision says next and you exchange a look with him, thanking him. And then you run.

//-//

Being an out-of-state fugitive is quite stressful, but you get used to it. 

There are no fixed locations, or very long term accommodations, but you try to stay positive about the whole thing.

You all can't stay together, so you have a cell phone that connects to Steve's and Sam's. You stayed in the same hotel room as Wanda for three weeks, then Vision contacted her.

They were trying, and then you let her try it alone. Natasha agreed to run away with you, and you made sure to check on Wanda every week, but she was always fine. 

T'Challa agrees to let you stay in Wakanda for a while after the government almost captures you. 

Your powers are difficult to control after the agents hit you with a strange weapon, and the people of Wakanda seem to be the only ones able to help you.

You don't like to owe favors, but you think they are good people. 

Bucky is free when you meet him. You become close again, and it is good to see him rest.

It is Shuri who discovers where your abilities come from, and you finally understand why you have always felt connected to Wanda and Vision. Your energy came from one of the jewels, as did their power. You don't know how Hydra got access to this, and you don't understand why Thor doesn't tell you all the things humans don't understand, but you realize that these mystical stones are too dangerous.

You talk to Shuri, and then to the council and the king of Wakanda. They all agree that no human should have access to such power. You help her build a machine that can separate the stone and Vision's body. 

"How do we destroy it?" you ask her as you are putting the finishing touches on the equipment.

"Maybe you can." She says and you deny it with your head.

"No, I don't think I can." You say. "But maybe Wanda can. It's her thing, and it's her stone too."

Shuri nods and you get back to work.

Unfortunately, events move faster than you do. 

//-//

There is an army controlled by a purple man. 

That is the only information Steve gives you through the communicator. You hugged Wanda tight when she arrived in Wakanda, and she was happy to see you, but she also seemed upset. You knew it was because of Vision.

"Hey buddy, it's going to be okay." You told him with a smile as you helped him climb into the machine you built.

"Thanks, Y/N" Vision said to you.

You didn't stop fighting for the next few hours.

There was a moment, on the battlefield, that you felt something in the pit of your stomach. When you destroyed your opponent, your hands and eyes were glowing even after you stopped throwing your power. Your stone was here. 

You knew something was wrong, so you ran to where you were being pulled.

Some opponents tried to hold you back, but you defeated them easily, feeling much stronger than you ever had.

"No!" you exclaimed angrily as you launched your energy at the creature that was supposed to be Thanos, preventing him from reaching Wanda. He used the golden gauntlet to hold his power, but you kept him busy long enough for her to destroy Vision's stone, an energy field pushing you away when she did. You fell to your knees afterwards, exhausted from having held out against your own stone for so long.

Thanos slowly walked over to the redhead, and you struggled to move toward her.

"I understand, child. Better than anyone." He said and you choked, fearing that he was going to hurt her. 

"You could never." She replied angrily still on the floor.

"Today I lost more than you could ever imagine".

"Leave her alone" You muttered stumbling toward her. You are feeling a sharp pain all over your body, but managed to stand. Thanos smiled at you wryly.

You raise your fist toward him, but he just raises his golden gauntlet.

"I felt you." He with a wry smile. "In my hand"

"You will feel my fist on your face in a second." You retorted angrily and he laughed. You are almost reaching for him, but you frown when you notice the green glow on his gauntlet. The time stone.

"One second is all I need."

You blink, and you're not there anymore. You are halfway again. And then you understand what he has done. When you run back to where Wanda was, a golden light throws you away. This time, it wasn't Wanda who destroyed the stone. 

"No. No" you repeat to yourself as you run back, your body no longer aching like before, and you stumble among the trees.

You were going to attack Thanos as soon as you saw him, but Thor hit him first. Then you were running to Wanda, kneeling beside her.

"He's gone." She cried beside Vision's body. You couldn't feel his stone anymore, and your own face was wet with your tears.

You placed your hand on top of Wanda's next, and looked forward. Thor had struck Thanos in the chest and was saying something to him. 

Then you gasped in surprise as the titan raised his fist. 

"No!" you exclaimed getting up, but he snapped his fingers. You launched a wave of energy at him, but he used his gauntlet to defend himself. "What have you done?" you shouted rushing to reach the fallen titan. 

"The necessary thing." He whispered before using his last breath of energy to teleport away. 

You turned to Thor at the same instant, but he is not looking at you, but at Steve. 

"Steve?" A male voice calls out, and you watch Bucky walk toward you all. But he turns to dust midway.

"W-what?" you whisper breathlessly, taking a step forward. Steve kneels on the ground in the same place your friend was and looks at Thor in confusion. 

You look at Wanda immediately and feel your heart soar when you notice that the same thing is happening to her.

"Wanda?" You cry running to her, but by the time you arrive, she is gone. There is only Vision's body.

You can't feel either of them anymore.

//-//

The world is in complete chaos during the blip. There is no more S.H.I.E.L.D, and many other deals. And then there's a company that wants to take Vision's body away, and you destroy their trucks, and Steve has to calm you down for twenty minutes.

"No one is going to touch him." You say only as you release yourself from Steve's grip, and ignore the startled looks from the agents of S.W.O.R.D. You kick them out of the Avengers compound, and say that Tony Stark may be dead, but they had no jurisdiction there. If they had a problem with that, they could fight you.

It took 23 days for Tony Stark to come home. You hug him first when he gets off the plane. And you are impressed that it barely takes two hours for him to start talking shit.

"I told you guys we needed armor around the world..."

"And here we go again." You mumble impatiently as you take the focus away from the discussion to the tablet in your hand. 

You are startled when Tony collapses to the ground, and the team moves to rescue him. You don't worry, because you feel he is fine.

"Tony always has to make a scene." You comment to yourself shaking your head slightly. "Hey, you," You call out to the metal girl you don't know while the other avengers are out of the room, "help me find your dad."

//-//

The team is trying to locate Thanos by analyzing planets that fit Nebula's description. You feel a sharp twinge in the back of your neck and then you are getting up towards the scanning equipment.

"Y/N, what is it?" Steve asks worriedly as he notices her movement.

"I found him." You say a moment later. 

The team is impressed, but you swallow dryly.

"I felt my stone." You explain to them. "And then I didn't feel anything else. We need to go to him."

The Avengers exchanged worried looks, fearing what you were implying.

Soon you were all on a spaceship, heading for an unknown planet.

When Thanos confirmed your suspicions, the stones were destroyed, you sobbed.

"Wanda. She..." You said breathlessly turning to leave the cabin. You sat on the ground, trying to normalize your breathing. She's gone. Your friends are gone forever.

//-//

Your way of experiencing grief is unconventional.

You try to balance managing the chaos that the world has become while splitting chores with Natasha, and going to a few community therapy sessions. Steve is acting strange, but you make sure he eats properly.

There are no tears. You feel that if you start crying you won't stop, so you just work. And you help those who need it. And you have movie nights with Natasha, and you try to remember things that are worth living for.

There is a secret project too, something that is not progressing, but that you don't give up on. The machine you created with Shuri in Wakanda was destroyed in battle. With the world in complete chaos, you didn't have enough time to put it back together, especially with the current state of Wakanda. But you kept the projects going. Part of you didn't know if your lack of absolute dedication was because you believed Vision wouldn't want to live without Wanda. You wouldn't and you didn’t.

So there is this side project, to rebuild the machine and try to restore Vision, but it falls by the wayside after a few months. You keep the papers in a safe in your room, and start accepting more missions.

Tony has given up the hero's life, just as you always said he could do. You are not angry with him, though. And you visit him not so regularly, and agree when Pepper says that Morgan is the cutest kid in the world.

Steve becomes a kind of group therapist, and you want to tell him he needs a degree, but Natasha pokes you in the rib, and you just nod as you listen to the story.

Clint is different too. Losing his family has completely messed him up, and he has become a vigilante of sorts. You find Natasha crying often after you discover that he has been murdering people, and you always hug her until she stops. 

As time passes, your pain becomes numb, and your nightmares stop happening. You think it is because Natasha lets you sleep in her bed now.

//-//

Five goes by much faster than you realize.

You are somewhere in Georgia, investigating a lead on a possible terrorist group forming, when Nat calls you. Scott Lang was alive.

When you return to New York, you discover that you have to go back in time.

Your friends want to know if you know anything about how Hydra had your stone, but you have no memory of that time. And with no time, they decide to just follow the right date and place that Rocket provides. You accompany Nebula, because it might be helpful to get a feel for where your stone would be.

You hug Natasha before she leaves with Clint to get the soul stone.

"You're getting sentimental" She teases when you let go of her.

"I know" You retort with a smile. "Just be careful, Tasha."

"I'm usually the one who tells you that." She says in the same tone, squeezing your hand lightly before turning away. 

When Nebula takes you and James to a place called the Temple of the Power Stone, you can barely breathe. 

"I can feel it." You say to the two of you as you walk to the stone. 

"How are we going to get it?" James asks as he looks at the repository where the stone is placed.

Nebula is sticking her hand in the protective flame next second and you let out an impressed hiss.

She hands the stone protector to you, and you nod in appreciation.

"Let's synchronize then." You say as you form a small circle. 

"Wow, that always feels weird" You joke as you appear in the Avengers compound again, now on your time. But your smile dies when you look around, and can't find Nat. "Clint...where?"

He just denies it with his head, and you feel your heart soar. This can't be true, you think in desperation. 

"No. Nat... She can't." You say breathlessly, falling to your knees. Steve is touching your shoulder next. But then you release yourself from his grip, rushing to get out, feeling yourself suffocating. 

You end up on the pier of the complex, thick tears streaming down your face.

It doesn't take long for the team to catch up with you.

"What do we do now?" You hear Tony ask. Steve sits down on one of the empty benches.

Bruce, in his Hulk form, is further away and looks just as upset as you.

"Did she have a family?"

You let out a short laugh at Tony's question.

"She had us." You retort trying to control your tears. 

"Why are you guys talking like she's not coming back?" Thor asked angrily. "We have the stones, we will bring her back."

"It can't be undone." Clint said next, nipping in the bud the shred of hope that had risen in your chest. You sobbed. "She sacrificed herself for the stone, her soul was the price." He says looking forward. He lets out a breathless sigh. "It should have been me."

"You bet it did." You retort bitterly as you get up and walk away. No one follows you this time.

You go directly back to Nat's room. And you stay there for two days. When you calm down, and decide to take a shower and try to eat something, on the way out of the bathroom, you stop in front of her closet.

She would hate for you to take her clothes without asking, but you are wearing one of her leather jackets anyway. Wanda used to steal them too, and you both used to joke that it was because Nat had a wonderful fashion sense. 

Now you had lost your two friends, and you were alone. You tried to control your sobs. Her sacrifice had to be worth it. So you put on her clothes and went out into the living room.

//-//

The team was arguing when you came in. You just blinked in surprise when you noticed the iron gauntlet. Tony really did it.

You tried to argue that you could handle the gauntlet's power too, but Bruce insisted that since he was made of gamma ray in his Hulk form, that was what he was there for.

And then he snapped his fingers. 

You looked at Clint in surprise when he took a call from Laura. 

"Honey?" He whispered tearfully and you felt your heart soar. And then something exploded and you were creating a force field to save Clint from the rubble.

When you were finished falling among the remains of the completely destroyed Avengers compound, you checked to see if the archer was okay, sighing with relief when he opened his eyes.

"Stand up." You ordered helping him to stand. "We have to find the others."

"The gauntlet." He warns pointing to something among the stones that glowed in the dark a few feet away from you. Before you could walk towards the item, a noise caught your attention.

Clint aimed an arrow from the direction of the sound, and you choked as the space creatures moved in the dark.

"Go." You shouted to him before starting to attack the beings as he ran to reach the gauntlet and leave the place, you following him with some delay.

You almost died a couple of times though. And when you reached Clint again, there were two Nebula's with him, and a green girl.

"What's going on, people?" You asked confused, and then let out a surprised exclamation when you realized that one of the Nebula's had a gunshot mark on her chest.

"I'll explain on the way, we have to get out of here." Clint spoke pulling you through the halls.

"Wait, she killed her past self? Isn't that going to be a problem?" You exclaim as soon as Clint explains it to you and he shrugs his shoulders. "May I ask why you are green?" You say to the strange girl next to you and she looks at you reproachfully.

"Why aren't you?"

"Touché" You retort smiling, "I am Y/N."

"Gamora."

When you reach the battlefield, things are chaotic and you barely have time to notice your surroundings and you are already fighting again.

Your heart races when you realize that everyone is back. But you don't have time to talk to anyone now, as you are busy fighting.

A red glow catches your attention, however. Completely taking your attention is the right thing to say.

"Who's got the gauntlet?" You hear Steve ask over the team's communicator, but you don't wait for the answer; you're headed toward Wanda.

When you find her, she has the titan trapped in her magic. You choke with excitement at seeing her again, feeling your eyes water.

But then a loud explosion catches your attention. Thanos has activated the airstrike, and you are running toward Wanda, reaching her just before one of the missiles reaches you two.

"Whoa, hi!" She greets you in surprise as you roll on the ground together. A mixed force field between your and her magic surrounds you, protecting you two from the attacks. You let out an exclamation of happiness, raising your hand to her face, wanting to confirm that she was really there.

"God, it's really you." You gasp with emotion, letting your tears flow. Wanda probably doesn't understand what is happening, but she hugs you back as you bury your face in her neck.

This can't last long, though. You take one last look at her face before standing up, the force field still surrounding the two of you as you help her to her feet.

However, when you go to ask her how you could take down the ship, someone does it for you.

"Wow, that's cool" You comment with a smile watching Carol destroy the entire ship with one blow.

"I think you're drooling." Wanda scoffs lightly making you laugh awkwardly. 

"Shut up."

And then you are fighting again.

You have the impression that you are losing. But then Thanos' army is turning to dust before your eyes and you are exchanging a confused look with Wanda.

"Tony snapped his fingers." Steve says into the comm and you choke in surprise. Then you are running halfway across an open field until you catch up with your friends.

Pepper is kissing her husband's cheek when you arrive.

"S-Steve, what?" - You ask and he just shakes his head, thick tears in his eyes.

You gasp and then there are arms around you. It takes a moment for you to hug Wanda back. And when Steve takes Tony's body, she holds your hand.

//-//

Your hands are shaking as you step out of the shower. 

You are staying at Tony's house, as are some of the others, while the compound area is being restored and Pepper organizes the funeral. 

The laundry on your bed is Natasha's last set of clothes, and you don't want to cry anymore, but your face is wet anyway.

You finish getting dressed, but remain sitting on the bed in the room you are sharing with Wanda. The redhead enters a moment later, but you don't look at her.

Wanda sighs slightly and sits down beside you.

"Do you also have the feeling that everything is a bad dream?" She starts after a moment, you blink in surprise feeling a bit distracted and forcing yourself to pay attention. "Like the pain is so overwhelming, it's easier to think it's all temporary. Because there' s not the slightest chance you can survive this for much longer."

"Yes. I feel exactly like that." You agree smiling faintly. "But that's grief. No matter how impossible it seems now, it gets better." 

"How can you know that?"

"Because I already lost you once."

Wanda blinks in surprise and then looks straight ahead. You don't face her either. 

"How was it?" she asks after a moment, almost in a whisper. Clearly not exactly sure whether to ask that or not. You let out a dry laugh, running your hand over your face to wipe away the tears.

"What kind of question is that?" you retort and Wanda lets out a sigh, apologizing, but you shake your head. "You know exactly how I felt Wanda. Because you lost Vision too."

Wanda swallows dryly, looking at you with a frown. You stand up, leaving no room for questions. 

You leave the room next, it was better to try to eat something.

//-//

Steve Rogers is going back to the past. And he will stay there.

He confesses this to you on the eve of Tony's funeral, and you push him by the shoulders, before hugging him tightly. Bucky also cries when he tells him.

No one else must know, not yet. You go back into the room you share with Wanda and mask your tears. She probably thinks it's because of Nat, so she doesn't press you to talk.

When the ceremony takes place the next day, you entwine your arm with Steve's. You were about to lose the three leaders of the Avengers all at once, and it looked like your heart couldn't take it.

But Steve smiles, and squeezes your hand lightly, before going to talk to Potts. You walk to the edge of the lake at the cabin, joining Clint and Wanda.

"I wish there was a way to tell her." Says the man after a moment. You clench your jaw, knowing exactly who he is talking about. "Of telling her that we won."

"Natasha was sure we would make it." You say half hoarsely, trying to hold back the cry. "She trusted us. That's why she did what she did."

Clint nods slightly, not holding back the tears that were falling from his eyes.

"She knows." Wanda said next. "They both know."

Clint slung an arm around Wanda's shoulder and one around yours, embracing you both. You allowed yourself to cry some more.

//-//

There are no more Avengers. At least not for now.

The world is in complete chaos with everyone coming back after five years.

You don't want to think about how many responsibilities you will have to take on when you are a hero again, you just want to get some rest.

Your first stop is Vision's grave. The restoration of the complex took a few weeks, but Potts was kind enough to take care of everything.

You took Wanda there as soon as everything was ready.

"I know we haven't talked about this yet, but, I got it back." You tell her as you walk together to the spot Potts showed you on the map. "After Thanos activated the missiles, I worried that something had happened, but the restoration team was able to map everything out again." You counters by leading her around the place. 

Wanda just listened to your words, saying nothing. She seemed surprised by everything.

You reached a small hill, where there were two small metal and rock tombstones. On the first gravestone you made a few years ago completely recovered by Potts' team and already with slightly rusty lettering, it read "Pietro Maximoff - Brother, Friend and Hero. You are loved beyond words and lost beyond measure." On the second, a newer metal, and with gold lettering, it read "Vision Maximoff - Friend, Lover and Hero. To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."

"I used to bring flowers, but..."

You fell silent as Wanda hugged you. You reciprocated the hug for a moment, until Wanda let go, smiling weakly at you before turning around, kneeling on the graves.

As she ran her fingers over the letters, you cleared your throat.

"I know you two weren't married, but since Vis didn't have a last name..."

"It's okay." She interrupted in a whiny voice. "Thank you."

She stood there for many minutes. You don't mind waiting. And when she allowed it, you hugged her again, wiping away her tears.

You returned to the compound just as the sun was setting.

//-//

You were going to help Wanda to have a proper grief.

She had the same quirks as you, unhealthy habits of disconnecting from reality. 

You wouldn't want that for her. Vision wouldn't want that.

The day after you took her to Pietro and Vision's grave, you appeared in her room in the morning. A tray of breakfast in your hand. 

"I don't want to get up." She grumbled against the pillows when you entered the room without knocking, opening the curtains.

"I know, but it's almost ten thirty and you need to eat something." You said, leaving the tray on the bedroom table.

The first day she resisted. But two weeks later, she was already on her feet when you came into the room. You always ate together, and you made a point of taking her for walks, and spending time doing the things she liked, for example watching old TV series together.

"Potts called me." You said as you two shared coffee. "She wants me to take over the compound."

Wanda let out a surprised exclamation and you laughed lightly.

"Yeah I know, it's a lot." You say. "But Tony left the command to Steve. And Steve left it to me."

"Are you sure you want this?" She asked looking at you. You shrug.

"It's not about wanting it, Wands," you say. "I am who I am after all. These powers are with me for a reason. Maybe I can use them to do something good."

Wanda nods slightly, looking at you in a way that makes you embarrassed.

"And what does the government think of all this?" She asks and you sigh, running your fingers through your hair.

"They want to control everything of course." You tell her. "Potts is trying to keep everything classified as private property, but after Thanos, that's pretty unlikely."

"I guess the treaty of Sokovia was inevitable after all." She then comments, and you grumble in agreement.

"I would like to enjoy the rest of my vacation, though" You say with a smile, making Wanda look at you.

"What do you want to do?" 

"I'm torn between a quiet weekend at a spiritual retreat or getting completely drunk in Las Vegas."

Wanda laughs.

"Okay." She says smiling, "Let's do both then."

"Oh, you like both then?"

"Oh, yeah."

Wanda replies wryly, and you notice her cheeks flush slightly, suggesting that she understood your insinuation. You laugh, going back to eating.

//-//

Sam has been calling you for a few hours, and you left an automated message on the answering machine that says "I'm on vacation, if it's life or death, send a letter".

You are driving to Las Vegas now, humming a pop song on the radio with Wanda in the passenger seat.

 "Now that you are Tony's heiress you will spend the money on gambling, I suppose" She teases making you laugh.

"I'm not Tony's heiress." You counter laughing. 

"Oh, yes, sorry, Miss Avengers leader."

You laugh at the teasing, then turn up the volume. You and Wanda sing at the top of your lungs.

When you park in front of the first big casino you encounter, Wanda has a mischievous grin on her face.

"I bet I win more games than you do." She says stopping in front of you.

"Can we use our magic?" You ask in the same joking tone, and she nods. You let out an excited exclamation. "Game on."

//-//

You two are thrown out of the casino a few hours later.

You both laugh as you run away from the angry security guards and get into the car quickly, many small coins falling out of your pockets. You drive through town, until you find a bar that seems crowded.

"Ready for the second half of your vacation?" Wanda asks with amusement as you get out of the car, making you laugh. Parties aren't really your thing, but you had said you wanted to drink after all.

The girl at the door looks at your clothes with a judgmental eye, but you think Wanda may have used her powers to get you two into the club.

The atmosphere is extremely noisy and with lots of lights, but you are not bothered when you start drinking.

"I think this is the worst way to go through grief" You comment before you and Wanda pour a shot of vodka together.

She laughs lightly afterwards.

"It's fun though." 

And then she is pulling you onto the dance floor. You are too drunk to care about the closeness. You laugh as you dance together.

As the nightclub is beginning to empty, you and Wanda stumble out, visually drunk.

"Where's the car, Wands?" You ask between giggles, Wanda shrugs her shoulders, leaning on you to be able to walk.

It takes many minutes for you to find the vehicle. And when you do, Wanda passes out in the back seat. You use the rest of your sobriety to throw a jacket over her body, before sitting down in the front seat and falling asleep.

The next morning you both have a very bad migraine, and decide to have breakfast at a dinner on the way back to the compound.

Sitting on opposite sides of the same table, you drink some orange juice while Wanda steals a piece of your pancakes. You don't mind.

"Where are we going to spend the last stage of your vacation?" She asks curiously, and you rest your face on your hand while propping your elbow on the table.

"I don't know." You say. "I don't think I know anywhere quiet."

Wanda stands thoughtfully for a moment.

"We could rent a cabin."

"I make minimum wage."

Wanda laughs rolling her eyes. But she becomes quiet next, her expression serious.

"I can split the bill with you."

You raise a curious eyebrow.

"May I ask where the money comes from? Please don't say drug dealing."

Wanda laughs, looking away. 

"Shut up." She retorts the next moment. "So what, you'll take it?"

You look at her suspiciously. You weren't going to pressure her into telling you what she didn't want, wishing to give her privacy. 

"All right, Wands."

Wanda smiles at you, raising her hand. You give a "Hi-Five" and the waitress looks at you curiously.

//-//

Maybe renting a cabin with the woman you've secretly loved for years wasn't your best idea, but you're handling things well.

You were only going to stay three days, and if you could disguise that you completely melted when Wanda touched you or how cute she looked when she woke up, you'd be fine.

The cabin had two rooms, which was the best thing for your sanity.

After you had finished unpacking, you decided to prepare something to eat.

"How do you know how to cook this?" Wanda asks in surprise as she joins you in the kitchen. "By the way, how do you have the ingredients to make it?"

"I bought it on the way, smarty pants" You replied with amusement, moving around the kitchen to prepare the Sokovian Stew. "And I've cooked it for you before, I don't understand the surprise."

Wanda laughed lightly, remembering.

"Sorry, you're right." She says leaning against the countertop as she watches you cook.

"Come here and see if the seasoning is good." You tell her a moment later as you are stirring the pots. 

You raise the spoon toward Wanda, expecting her to take it. But she just brings her mouth close to the cutlery, and looks at you as she tastes the food. You swallow dryly, feeling your heart race at the intensity of her gaze. You almost choke when she lets out a groan of satisfaction.

"It's delicious."

"Uh." It is the only sound you are able to produce, as Wanda looks up at you with an innocent smile. You quickly face the pot again, trying not to embarrass yourself so much.

"I'll set the table for us."

//-//

"Are you sure food is not your love language?" Wanda asks suggestively when you hand her a mug of hot chocolate. You are on the veranda, a few hours after dinner. You laugh lightly.

"My what?"

She settles into the seat she is sitting on, turning her face to you as you sit down next to her.

"Your love language." She explains with a smile. "There are several, one of them is cooking for the people you love."

You frown slightly, growing thoughtful.

"That's hardly mine, Wands." - You reply. "I hate cooking."

"What are you talking about, you always cook for me!" She retorts with a mix of confusion and humor in her voice, you shrug.

"It's because it's you." You say looking away.

"What does that mean?" She asks and you sigh lightly, taking a sip of your chocolate. Wanda looks at you incredulously. "You're not going to tell me then. Okay."

"Tell me more about these love languages." You ask next trying to change the focus of the subject from yourself. 

Wanda seems excited to talk about it.

"Okay, I think there are five kinds." She starts with a smile, you're just happy to hear her say anything. And she sounds absolutely adorable when she talks about something that gets her excited. "They are words of affirmation, quality time, touch, acts of service, and gifts."

"What happened to cooking?" You tease and she pats your shoulder, laughing.

"I guess it comes into gift giving" She says thoughtfully. "But I read somewhere that it was like a sixth language".

You make an understanding noise with your mouth, but Wanda interprets your lack of reaction as a lack of interest, and apologizes that she is boring you. You frown.

"Hey, what are you talking about? I love this idea!" You assure her, and she smiles shyly after a moment. "I was just wondering which language I fit best in. That is, if I'm the one who decides that?"

"It's not a decision really." She says. "It's more of an analysis in how you behave. Usually the people around you notice."

"Oh, right." You grumble in agreement. "You really would make a terrible analyst then." You tease and Wanda laughs, pushing you lightly and making a face when she almost knocks over your hot chocolate. You laugh. "That story that I cook to show my love, not a thing."

Wanda rolls her eyes amused and then looks at you curiously.

"Oh yeah, and what do you think your language is then?"

You think for a moment.

"I have no idea." You confess and Wanda laughs looking away, "That's harder than it sounds."

"Take a guess."

"Um... I don't think they are words of affirmation." You say and she looks at you expectantly, wanting you to talk more about it. You smile awkwardly. "I never know what to say, so that would be the last language I would think of."

Wanda smiles, biting her lip and shaking her head slightly.

"What else?"

You inhale deeply, thinking. 

"Well, I'm not the best gift-giving person." You counters. "Maybe quality time is a good option, but I'm not sure either. I'm pretty anti-social."

"I think quality time might be your thing." She says with a fond smile.

You raise your eyebrow curiously.

"Why do you say that?"

"Look around you." She replies with a smile, and you understand that this is exactly what is happening now. You give a shy little laugh.

"Can I make it official then?" You ask and Wanda laughs.

"I don't know, don't you like the others?"

"I forget which ones they are." You confess and Wanda laughs. 

"Touch and Acts of Service." She clarifies and you nod in understanding.

" Okay let me think about it." You begin running your fingers through your hair quickly. "How can anyone know that touch is their thing?"

"I guess if the person likes to be touched." Wanda says and you raise your eyebrow in confusion. "Like, if you like to give hugs or cuddle."

"Do some people not like that?"

Wanda laughs.

"I think we have an answer." She says and you smile, shrugging.

"No, seriously. I don't know." You speak. "I guess I have no problem with touching people I like, but I can't tell if that would be my language."

"Okay." Wanda says and you look at her curiously as she picks up your mug and places it on the table along with hers. She moves a little closer to you, and entwines your hands together. You swallow dryly.

"Do you like that?" She asks gently, and you look into her eyes, glowing green. You nod shyly, and Wanda smiles. She releases your hands to slip her arms over your shoulder, and you melt into her embrace almost instantly. "Is that good?"

"Yes." You whisper with flushed cheeks. Wanda releases you next.

"I think we have a winner." She jokes, and you giggle awkwardly. 

"What about you? What's your language?"

"Definitely quality time" She says and you smile. 

"I think words of affirmation are your thing too."

Wanda looks at you curiously.

"Why?"

"Because you're nice." You say. "You say nice things all the time I mean. You are an affectionate person."

"Maybe words of affirmation are your thing." She hits back with flushed cheeks, you laugh awkwardly looking away.

"What happens if people have different love languages?" You ask after a moment. "Do they fight?"

Wanda sighs lightly, thoughtfully. 

"I don't really know." She replies. "I think they each show their love in a different way, and if they talk, there's no reason to fight."

You nod in agreement and then straighten your posture, extending your hand to Wanda.

"Miss Maximoff, I swear I will try to show my affection to you with words of affirmation and quality time" You tell her in a fake serious tone, and Wanda joins in on the joke, agreeing to shake your hand.

"I swear I will try to show my affection to you with touch and also with quality time." She repeats the pledge, and you both look serious for a second, before laughing.

Neither of you realizes that by proposing to act outside your comfort zone for each other, perhaps acts of service are the best suitable love language for you two.

//-//

The second day at the cabin is like heaven on earth.

You wake up early, have coffee with Wanda, and walk a short trail with her until lunchtime. You cook again, and she teases you about it. In the afternoon you play monopoly, and cards. She makes you tea, and then you two sit on the sofa, each with a book, just enjoying each other's company.

It must be about ten o'clock at night when Wanda starts to yawn. You two are already lying on the couch, and you poke her ribs with your foot and she laughs lightly.

"Go to bed." You tell her with a smile, and she looks quickly at you.

"I don't want to sleep." She says and yawns next, making you laugh.

"Of course you don't."

Wanda laughs and then closes the book, placing it on the small table beside the sofa. She buries her body against the cushions afterwards. You laugh as you look at her.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want to get up." She replies by closing her eyes. You laugh, closing the book and sitting down. You place the book on the coffee table, and when Wanda yawns again you sigh. 

"Come on you big baby, I'll take you to bed." - You tell her as you approach. Wanda lets out an exclamation as picks her up and carries her, blushing as she places her hands on your neck. You were laughing and didn't realize it.

When you reach your bedroom door, Wanda uses her powers to open the door, and you look at her quickly to thank her, which is a mistake, because you realize how close you are. It's hard to reach the bed without shaking now.

"Here we go." You mumble clumsily as you lay her down on the bed. Wanda doesn't let go of your neck however, and you swallow dryly. "Wanda?"

"Can I kiss you?" she asks breathlessly, and you feel your stomach drop. Your bodies are very close together, as you bent down to place her on the bed. Your hands are stretched out beside her neck, to keep you from falling on top of her.

"Are you sure?" You reply in the same tone, your voice husky. Wanda nods biting her lips lightly, her face very flushed.

You slowly advance against her and she meets you on the way. You both sigh as your lips touch. It is as overwhelming as you ever imagined it would be.

Wanda nuzzles the back of your neck lightly and you slide your tongue against hers, changing the intensity of the kiss.

She sighs, pulling you down and you shiver as you rest your weight against her.

When you pull away to take a breath, your foreheads stay together.

"Wanda..." You start breathlessly, trying to decide what to say.

"I like you." She confesses in the same tone, her voice husky. You feel your heart race. "Is that okay?"

You let out a short laugh, nodding. You kiss her again, smiling against her lips. 

You kiss for several minutes, and when your lips are swollen and you are hot, you part. It's still early for this, you don't want to press Wanda.

"Maybe I should go to my room" You whisper against her lips, finding hard to reason with such closeness. Wanda kisses you again, making you sigh. You are almost giving up on the idea of getting up when she breaks the kiss, biting your lip as she does so.

"Goodnight, darling" She whispers and you melt at the nickname, but smile, starting to get up. Wanda is still lying there, just as affected by the make-out session as you are, and you just smile shyly at her as you say goodnight and go back to your room.

You both have silly smiles on your faces as you fall asleep.

//-//

There is a delicious tension in your relationship with Wanda now.

You got up early on your last day, and went into the kitchen to make breakfast for the two of you. While you were preparing coffee, Wanda woke up.

She stretched, and seemed to hesitate slightly about what to do next, but you were already handing her a cup of coffee and kissing her cheek before walking over to the table. 

You sit in silence, glances and smiles stolen between the small talk.

When you have finished eating, you turn on the television, and Wanda sits down next to you. 

"Come here" you ask softly, and she smiles as she approaches, cuddling up to you. You watch some silly movie together, and you like to feel Wanda laughing against you.

In the afternoon, Wanda is the one who prepares lunch, and you lean on the counter when you finally decide to look at your cell phone. You sigh as you look at the number of missed calls and notifications. There are at least a dozen messages from Sam saying that something was wrong.

"What is it?" Wanda asks when she notices your expression.

"Dever calling us" You reply with a mixture of weariness and irony, shaking the cell phone. Wanda exchanges an understanding look with you, and you put the cell phone on the counter, sinking your face into your hands. She gives the pot one last check, and you are slightly startled when she moves in front of you, gently pulling your hands away from your face.

"I just wanted to stay here forever" You confess and let out a short laugh "I know it's selfish, but I just... it feels like my whole life I've been fighting." You tell her with a sad smile. "This must be the most at peace and content I've felt in a long time"

Wanda raises her hands to caress your cheeks.

"It's not selfish." She says tenderly. "I know exactly how it feels, darling. Ever since I was a child, Pietro and I went from one fight to another." She tells you and you let your hands rest against her waist. "I can't thank you enough for giving me moments like that."

You smile, shaking your head slightly. Then you sink your face into Wanda's neck and she hugs you back.

Now that your cell phone is no longer on silent, it doesn't take long for another call to come in. You grumble when you let go of Wanda to answer it. 

Sam is saying something about a new Captain America and you are frowning, but smile when Wanda presses her fingers against your forehead to get you to stop grimacing.

"Are you listening to me?" Sam asks half impatiently on the other end of the line. You had been silent because Wanda is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen and she is standing right in front of you, smiling.

"Of course, Sammy." You then reply, raising your free hand to Wanda's cheek caressing her skin. "I'll come back to the compound tonight and then we'll talk better."

"Okay, just hurry please." He asks and looks tired. "Things are a mess".

You hang up and move forward, kissing Wanda intensely. She sighs against your lips, and you wish you could call Sam again and tell him you're not going anywhere. 

//-//

When you return to the compound again there is a lot of work.

You find out that Sam is going to become the new Captain America and you couldn't be prouder.

You are no stranger to the idea that he should be the new leader of the Avengers, as Steve was. It feels right and you tell him so.

He seems surprised that you refuse the leadership, but you assure him that it was never really your thing, you would be happy in solo missions and other activities. 

Besides this, things with Wanda were going in a direction you never imagined.

Part of you kept repeating that she would never look at you if Vision were alive, but you suppress these thoughts as much as you can.

You start going out frequently, casual encounters that leave you two with flushed cheeks and racing hearts. There are some kisses. But in general, Wanda is already so much a part of your life that nothing has really changed. You live together in the complex, and spend almost all your free time together. 

There are many missions now, many people needing help.

Four months after you started to go out, Shuri calls you.

She apologizes for not getting in touch sooner, explaining how complicated things have become in Wakanda as well. You assure her that it's okay and that you would like to visit her when you can. She has a mysterious tone when she says that she needs your help with a project, and that she would have more information in a few days. You are curious and thoughtful as you hang up the cell phone and walk back to your room.

Wanda is strangely quiet the next day. You don't understand what is going on, but when you check the calendar, you bite the inside of your cheek. It was the anniversary of Vision's death. For you it had been five years, but for her, only a few months. Sighing sadly, you prepare something hot for her to eat.

When you arrive in her room, she has a sad and thoughtful countenance and is slightly startled when you enter without knocking, but you just smile and put the tray of soup on the table.

"I brought you some food, baby" You say tenderly and Wanda looks at you just for a moment. You notice a piece of paper in her hands and have a curious expression. "What's that?"

Wanda's eyes immediately fill with tears, and you blink in concern. She holds out the paper to you.

It is a house plan. It is stamped "property sold" with the date close to when you traveled to the cottage. You understand where the money came from now. But what catches your eye is the scrawl in red in the center, which reads "To grow old together, V."

Swallowing dryly, you fold the paper again, leaving it on the table before returning to Wanda.

"I'm sorry, I just... I just miss him and it seems like everything changed all at once"

"No, Wanda. It's okay." You assure her as you sit up and wrap her in a hug, which made her cry, but also relax her immediately. "I wish I could take this pain away from you, but I can't. I'm really sorry for the life you two couldn't live together."

Wanda sobs against your T-shirt and while you soothe her to sleep, you decide what you are going to do.

//-//

Shuri called. So you were going to Wakanda, Bucky next to you on the plane. 

You teased him one last time about his new name "white wolf" before you got off.

You hugged your friend tight before you two left for the laboratory.

"I managed to recover the wreckage of your machine" She tells you with animation. You push down any insecurity as you smile, and hand her the projects that have been locked away in your room for five years.

You will work together again. It will take some time, due to the amount of tasks, but you will have this as your main project.

After three days, you and Bucky return home.

Before you enter the compound, he calls out to you.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks with a worried look, you nod.

"They belong together, Buck." You say with a bitter taste in your mouth. Bucky has an almost pitying look on his face and you hate it, so you are changing your stance. "Don't say anything to Wanda, though. I can't give her hopes like that and fail. She can only know if I succeed."

Bucky nods in understanding and you walk back.

//-//

Your heart and your body belong completely to Wanda Maximoff. You eventually realize this when you return to the compound, and even though you are secretly working to resurrect her dead boyfriend, you can't resist her.

Perhaps the best choice would have been to end things between you, but all you can do is completely melt in her presence. You laugh at her jokes, engage in her conversations, and fall apart in her kisses.

The trips to Wakanda become more frequent over the next month, and you begin to miss Wanda terribly when you are away, but you use this frustration to work.

It's May, and you'll need to travel again just three days after you arrive, and by the way things are going well, this should be your last trip to Wakanda. 

"Okay, Shuri, thanks for letting me know. I'll get everything ready." You tell her through the hologram in your room and she smiles before hanging up. You are startled when you notice Wanda at the door.

"Are you leaving again?" She asks annoyed and you nod sadly. 

You hope that Wanda will not be as upset as she has been the last few times. You obviously don't tell her the reason you go to Wakanda so much, and Bucky covers for you by saying it was confidential. It has been enough to maintain the logic that the less people knew, the less dangerous it was, and Wanda believes it.

"I'll call you while I'm there" You tell her trying to soften her annoyance as she walks into her room closing the door.

"It's not the same." She mumbles moving closer only to pass her arms around your torso. "I miss you."

You feel your heart soar as you hug her back. You know that the sentence refers to the new distance you have put between you, and part of you wants to confess everything. But you hold your words back.

"Everything is going to be okay, Wanda." You tell her disguising any sign of your recent need to cry. "This is going to be the last time."

Wanda then releases you, looking at you tenderly. You smile back, and she moves in to kiss you.

You know those kisses. The ones she only gives when you are alone, or when you have been apart too long. Kisses that are dangerous to cross barriers that you didn't know if she was ready to cross, and that also make your body hot and take your breath away.

Going out for almost seven months, this was the only line you hadn't crossed yet. Honestly, your cuddling sessions were borderline. But there were so many other things about your relationship that sex really wasn't the focal point. 

And then you had Wanda kissing you like this and you couldn't resist.

Letting your hands slide down her body, you felt her sigh against your lips as you squeezed her ass, pressing her forward against you.

You began to walk with Wanda around the room, exchanging passionate, hot kisses, until she stumbled on the bed and you fell over her body on the mattress.

When your clothes came off, you reached for one of her hands and entwined it in yours on top of her head, kissing her neck as you trembled at the sound of her moans.

Wanda came on your fingers, moaning your name with her eyes closed and mouth open as you kept your free hand entwined in hers. You looked at her with adoration, thinking she was absolutely perfect.

You came against her thigh, and then she came in your mouth a few moments later. You repeated it one more time until your bodies were too tired to do it again. 

You woke up first the next day, and while preparing coffee, you felt your face getting wet. You were going to lose her again. But you quickly wiped the tears away. She was never really yours to lose.

//-//

Bucky didn't come back to Wakanda with you, and you figured he had some other mission. You also insinuated that he was spending a lot of time outside the compound with Sam, and laughed when he got flushed and told you to go fuck yourself.

When you arrived at Shuri's lab, you didn't sleep properly for two weeks.

//-//

Non-Reader Pov

Bucky nodded slightly when Wanda entered the kitchen. She had been really upset these days, feeling lonely. But Y/N made the soldier promise to check on her girlfriend often and keep her company, so that's exactly what he's been doing.

After coffee, he suggested that they walk around the compound for a while, and the witch accepted.

"You know, I think Nat would like to see you two together." Commented the soldier with a smile. Wanda grumbled in agreement, slightly distracted, but then she assumed a confused expression.

"What do you mean?" She asked and Bucky blinked curiously. "How did Nat know that Y/N liked me?"

Bucky let out a short laugh also confused by the conversation.

"What do you mean, Wanda? Everyone knew all along."

Wanda stops walking, blinking with confusion.

"Bucky, what? No, Y/N and I only fell in love after Thanos, what do you..."

Bucky laughs in disbelief and confusion.

"Whoa, she really didn't tell you." He says surprised and at Wanda's expression, he straightens his posture, putting his hands in his pockets as he looks at her. "Look, maybe it wasn't the best idea for me to be the one to tell you, but I imagine since you're together now it won't make much difference." He says, sighing slightly. "She's been in love with you ever since you joined the Avengers. You were the reason she fought alongside Steve when he defied the law for me. Everyone always knew."

Wanda shook her head, surprised and incredulous.

"Bucky what are you saying?" Wanda muttered more to herself than to the soldier. Bucky just looked at her curiously.

"All these years, and you never knew." He said surprised.

Wanda felt her eyes fill with tears.

"But... Why didn't she say anything?" She asked holding back the tears. "I... She's been with me all this time, and... how could she not have said anything?"

Bucky shrugged. 

"You had Vision, Wanda. She didn't want to make things awkward." He says. "She used to tell Natasha that loving you was enough. She never needed you to love her back."

Wanda gasps in surprise and cries, running her hands through her hair. Thousands of memories flashing through her mind at once. All the times Y/N was by her side, their escapes from the tower, their pranks, their jokes. The way she always stood up for her, helped her on missions, in training. How she blew up the TV set in the briefing room the day the government agent broadcast the report of what happened on Sokovia to the team in an attempt to shock them with Wanda's mistake. Pietro's grave, the way she took care of everything and assured Wanda that she was happy to help. But mostly in the way she always smiled when Wanda told her about Vision, how she supported her when they were on the run, and how she didn't leave her side when she was grieving. 

Wanda couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt to watch the person you love, loving someone else.

Wanda let out a dry laugh, finally letting the tears flow. 

"All this time, and she loved me in secret." She mumbles breathlessly. "How could she bear it?"

Bucky looked away.

"Well, she's always tougher than most."

Wanda shook her head, laughing sadly.

"Take me to Wakanda."

//-//

Reader Pov

You did it.

"Shuri, is this really happening?" You ask with a mixture of surprise and excitement. Your eyes completely glaze over in front of you. 

The door to the machine you created then opened, a metallic noise filling the room. It took the machine man a few seconds to open his eyes, and when he did you held your breath.

"You really did it." Shuri said to you impressed and looking forward as well.

"We did." You retorted taking a step towards the being that was looking at you with curiosity. He seemed to be getting used to the idea of being online again. "Vision?"

The question escaped your lips firmly, although your heart was racing.

Vision moved out of the machine, looking around.

"I'm confused." The male voice filled the room. "I think I've been asleep. My last memory is of a field."

You gasp, feeling your eyes fill with water.

"I can't believe you're here, buddy" You tell him, stepping forward to hug him. Vision doesn't respond however, still appearing to be in shock.

When you let go, you are smiling.

"I'll explain everything to you, Vis."

Shuri leads you to a meeting room, and she keeps checking Vision's functionality signals while you talk for a bit. You tell him about the blip, about his death, and a little about Thanos. He is different, maybe it is the stone. He seems more mechanical and logical than ever, talking about statistics and asking about social impacts. You just think he needs to get used to the world again.

"There's someone coming to see you" Shuri announces after a moment while fiddling with her computer. 

"T'Challa wants to check if we are eating properly again?" You joke and Shuri laughs, but then she frowns.

"Actually it's..."

The door to the room then opens. You get up from your armchair in surprise to see Wanda standing there. She looks at you with adoration in her eyes, but her expression falls completely when she notices who is beside you.

Her face is a mixture of surprise, disbelief, and confusion. You swallow dryly, ignoring the urge to cry, and force yourself to smile shyly.

Wanda walks towards you slowly.

"I've been working to bring him back, Wanda." You explain in a husky voice. "To bring him back to you."

Wanda's eyes are filled with tears, and she gasps as Vision rises from the armchair, looking at her curiously. 

"How...?" Wanda asks breathlessly, but she sobs then moves forward to embrace the robot. 

You feel your heart break, because it is over. You smile however, nodding to Shuri lightly as you leave the two of them alone.

When you reach the hallway, your hands and legs are shaking and you lean on the wall to keep from falling to the floor. Bucky is joining the two of you as Shuri looks at you with concern.

"Everything okay?" She asks touching your arm lightly. You nod frantically.

"I did what I had to do." You say breathlessly, holding back tears. "She...She's happy."

Bucky exchanges a look with Shuri and then he is asking if he can hug you. You nod slightly and when he does, you collapse.

//-//

You are avoiding Wanda.

It's childish, but you feel your heart ache every time you think about seeing her, so you're trying to buy time to only talk to her again when you can show that you're happy for her.

It has been two days since she arrived in Wakanda.

You and Bucky are in rooms in the same hallway, and you know that Shuri has set up facilities for Vision and Wanda to be together. You haven't seen her yet, and it's all due to the fact that you accepted whatever task the king had to keep you well away from the castle.

You returned very late to your room on the third day, and Bucky was waiting for you in the hallway.

"You two need to talk." He said, following you into the room as you sighed.

"I know, Buck." You grumble taking off your jacket. "I just need time, I...I think I'll crumble if I see her again"

Bucky runs his hand across his face, slightly impatient. 

"No, you don't understand." He says. "You just brought her dead boyfriend back, you can't just ignore her."

You throw yourself on the bed, closing your eyes.

"I'm really considering alcoholism now." You grumble, and Bucky laughs lightly. 

"Talk to her." He says before turning to leave.

You take a while to fall asleep after that.

//-//

You see Wanda again. At a safe distance. Your heart feels like it is going to jump out of your chest.

She and Vision go out for a walk just before lunchtime. You look at them from the balcony, their silhouettes in the field of flowers. It's beautiful. You don't realize that you are crying.

Walking to Shuri's labs, you intend to accept some project, but she has a worried look on her face when she looks at you.

" There' s something wrong." She comments by showing you a graph that you don't understand at first. "While you were behaving like a child, we had some problems." The teasing makes you blush slightly, but you are too worried to respond. 

"What happened?"

Shuri sighs weakly.

"Wanda and Vision talked for a few hours. And then she realized what we didn't anticipate." She explained as she changed the chart. "Without the mind stone, Vision is just a computer program. There's nothing human in him anymore."

You blinked in confusion, and let out a short laugh.

"What are you talking about?" You ask, but before she answers you are talking again. "Vision was always a computer. His love for Wanda was his humanity."

Shuri shook her head in the negative.

"The mind stone created a connection with Wanda." She explained. "Without it, he is just a set of algorithms. He remembers everything he experienced, but he can no longer feel."

You gasp in surprise and then sit down on the floor, trying to understand exactly what you had done.

"I think our mistake was not accepting death." Shuri said after a while. "We can't reverse something like that. We should know."

"I can't believe I did that." You commented with a dry laugh. "I brought him back only for her to lose him again. My god what the fuck is wrong with me?"

Shuri walked over to you, kneeling in front of you, and placing a hand on your knee.

"You didn't know, okay?" She said trying to reassure you. " Your intentions were the best".

"That doesn't matter now". You grumble bitterly.

Eventually you get up, and decide that you should apologize.

Shuri tells you that she will handle everything with Vision, that she would ask him if he would like to continue to exist, if he had a purpose, or if he would like to be deactivated. You told her to make sure that he knew that he would always have a place on the Avengers team, and she smiled saying that Wakanda would also accept him.

//-//

Your heart was racing when you knocked on Wanda's door.

She used her powers to open it, and you walked in, finding her sitting on the bed, pensive.

"You finally decided to talk to me." She teased looking at the television. You swallowed dryly, twiddling your fingers nervously.

"I talked to Shuri." You begin with emotion showing in your voice. "She told me about...about everything. I'm so sorry Wanda." You cry. "I didn't know this was going to happen, I didn't mean to hurt you..."

Wanda blinks confusedly getting up as she approaches you, raising her hands to your face.

"It's okay." She assures wiping away your tears.

"No, it isn't. I brought him back only for you to lose him again, I can't believe I could do that to you, I'm sorry..."

"Stop. No." Wanda says shaking her head, her eyes filled with tears. She swallows her emotion as she looks at you tenderly. "You gave me a chance to say goodbye to him."

"Wanda..."

"I didn't have that chance before." She continues with a sad smile, "I am grateful for it."

"W-what?" you sigh breathlessly with incredulity.

Wanda smiled, stroking your cheek lightly.

"All this time, and you've been loving me in secret." She spoke tenderly, and you felt your face heat up.

"How...?"

"It doesn't matter." She interrupts shaking her head slightly, the look in her eyes is one of pure adoration. "I still don't understand how you can hide this from me, and..."

You shake your head, letting the tears flow.

"I just wanted you to be happy, Wanda." You interrupt with a smile. "It didn't have to be with me."

Wanda gasps slightly, and moves forward to kiss you on the mouth. The kiss doesn't last long, however, and she breaks away to bring your foreheads together.

"I love you." Wanda whispers against your lips, you sigh in surprise. "Sorry it took so long."

You let out a short laugh, hugging her. When she hooks her arms around your neck, you lift her off the ground, and Wanda lets out a giggle. You spin around, smiling, your chest exploding with happiness. 

//-//

On your last day in Wakanda, you visit Vision.

He is in one of the castle rooms, looking contemplative, and pours you a cup of tea.

After you talk about what he wants to become, you hug him goodbye and he looks at you curiously.

"I never directly asked you what your motivation was for doing all this." Vision begins with a curious posture. "Shuri told me about your affection for Wanda, but I never understood precisely."

You look away from the floor, kind of awkwardly.

"I thought you two were soulmates." You say to him, and Vision observes you for a few seconds before speaking.

"How could we be soul mates, if I never had a soul?" He asks and you raise your face in surprise. Vision just smiles slightly as he puts his hand on your shoulder. "I wish you had told her how you felt in the beginning. It would have prevented so much suffering."

"Hey, we would feel your loss even if Wanda liked me..."

"I was talking about you." He interrupts with a smile and you fall silent, not knowing what to say next. "I hope you'll be happy together. You have a high level of compatibility."

You laughed at the mechanical way Vision spoke and gave him one last hug before leaving in farewell.

//-//

You return to Wakanda the following year. Many things are different now, from your address, to Wanda's rings, and your last names.