#but it does present some fun and interesting possibilities i must admit

[leomonae]

Soooo it turns out that if you're playing a do-gooding, self-sacrificing bleeding heart type who's basically contractually obligated by their religion to take on suffering in place of others doing so and also gives a fuck about what happens to the githyanki as a society...

(Massive spoilers ahoy!)

... you kind of inevitably wind up an illithid? Which, okay, fine, cool cool cool, as a healer this is pretty much the only time I've been at all effective in combat except when we're frying undead so that part is pretty awesome and apparently Ilmater is totally cool with all this since I still have my cleric powers, except now my prettyboy vampire boyfriend refuses to kiss me anymore, on the grounds that it won't work with my new mouth :(

The thing is, though, I've been mulling this over for the past fucking day I've been unable to just finish the damn game because of this slow-ass patching process courtesy of GOG, and I think I actually kind of adore this outcome? No, really, I could see this being great for Tav and Astarion's relationship, once he's had enough time to get over the whole... eldritch horror aspect of it all!

Benefit one: Tav's lifespan just became a total non-issue for them! Sure, I don't know and wasn't finding much regarding illithid lifespans, but my Tav was a human before; pretty much anything would be an improvement on that, next to how long a powerful elven vampire could expect to live. And honestly, illithid lifespan isn't even that important in that regard, because they have other options Tav could now actually take. There's no way she'd have ever agreed to becoming a vampire before, but now that the "I prey upon mortals to survive" line has already been crossed? The details of how she's going to handle things ethically hammered out? Why not go full-on vampiric illithid at this point, if that extends their time together? Hells, she could jump straight to illithilich if she wanted!

Benefit two: illithid are sexless. Sexless, but - crucially - with the potential to still be sex-positive, if we take that little interlude with the Emperor which broke my brain so badly the other week at face value. The most obvious implication of the narration was that what the mind flayer gets out of the whole experience is what their partner is putting in: that it's due to their psionic link, or whatever. Sure, there are still questions as to what part the tadpole played in facilitating said connection, but it's not like there aren't any other sources of mind reading or mental sharing that exist in the setting; my Tav is already running around with Detect Thoughts up constantly, I'm sure she can pick up some alternative just fine. The point is, Astarion and all his trauma just got himself a partner who not only wants him to genuinely enjoy having sex with them, but is quite likely literally physically incapable of deriving any carnal pleasure from the experience if he isn't.

Benefit three: illithid are naturally selfish and egotistical and risk-averse enough that my Tav probably just picked up a modicum of concern for her own survival, which I expect will be a massive weight off Astarion's mind after the past few weeks/months of watching her throw herself at wherever the most dangerous enemy on the field happens to be

Benefit four: illithid enjoy sunlight only marginally more than vampires do, which admittedly means that Tav is gonna have to buy a new mace soon, but also means the two of them now prefer complementary habitats and daily schedules

Benefit five: their diets are complementary too! They can split a bandit to avoid food waste!

[edit: benefit six: three times the upper limbs mean three times as many/thrice as good hugs for astarion]

In conclusion spawn Astarion + illithid Tav is clearly the happiest ending of them all, thank you for coming to my TED Talk

(also the going out in public part is pretty much a non-issue too, I tested out one of those cheap mundane disguise kits you can pick up and it worked perfectly fine even if the human female variant I used to be was not skinny and middle-aged with an afro, so I'm sure between Gale Shadowheart and Omeluum we can figure out a way of making me look like myself again in no time)

[kebriones]

it is entirely out of character for alcibiades to say "i hate myself" given that he is literally the Best at everything he does. if the ancient aristocrats like plato or alcibiades failed, then they would just get better by sheer resource of their genius; they would never even express self-pity bc it would be shameful. alcibiades' exceptional traits and ability to adapt to any situation stem from supreme self-confidence, never self-doubt or self-hatred

For anyone reading this, this is in reference to my fanfic which is a modern university AU which is heavily out of character for everyone involved anyways, and which I wrote on a whim while waiting for painkillers to kick in, in my bed. So please forgive any out of characterness, it's all just for fun. However, I don't think that particular bit was out of character for him, so here comes the essay.

I take a lot of how I characterize alcibiades in my fics from plato. If you read plato's symposium, the self-hatred, self-pity and self-deprication is very much there in alcibiades' speech. When he's with socrates, he says he feels like he can't stand his own life because he sees his deficiences and his mistakes. He understands that if he's to stay with socrates he must let go of many other things he wants and he can't do that, and he's saying outright how ashamed he is of himself when he meets socrates and has to admit certain things. In the Alcibiades 1, he is even more humbled by his shortcomings, expresses opn self-doubt and confusion.

This is what makes alcibiades so interesting and multi dimensional. He's at once extremely aware of his shortcomings AND extremely confident in himself, ashamed of himseld BUT ALSO has a bloated sense of ego. This conflict is very obvious in how plato writes him. And, for plato to write these things, he must also have some knowledge of such internal conflicts. If socrates was as he's presented, associating with him would make going through this humbling necessary.

Both in Plutarch and in Xenophon, we have alcibiades showing fear and uncertainty (when he's afraid to disembark immediately after returning to peiraius, even though he had been recalled to ahtens for a couple years at that point and had won her many victories)

This might be my subjective reading of his speeches, but I feel that in terms of expressing self-pity, he does so in thucydides, xeonophon and plutarch. He often laments the injustices done to him in his public speeches. For the speech he gives upon returning to athens, plutarch says "He lamented and bewailed his own lot, but had only little and moderate blame to lay upon the people. The entire mischief he ascribed to a certain evil fortune and envious genius of his own."

We must understand that alcibiades' ego didn't stop him from being a master manipulator. Andocides wrote that alcibiades has no problem with using tears and begging when it comes to gaining something for himself.

anyways yeah I feel kind of strongly about this because it's such a core conflict of his character, especially in plato's writtings, and a very interesting one at that. You have someone who's behaving as if he's so much better and above everyone else, and probably believes it most of the time, but when he's with socrates, he is forced to see that this isn't true. In the Alcibiades 1, this is exactly what socrates uses to make alcibiades see that he needs socrates if he is to become great. Because it's only socrates that can show him his deficiences, and again in plutarch it's said explicitly that this is why alcibiades respected and loved socrates above everyone else, because he humbled him and he was smart enough and self-aware enough to understand, at least sometimes, that this was necessary if he was to become as good as possible.

[pixieyong]

team green vs team black

some thoughts on the debate between rhaenyra, aegon and the iron throne. not a completely rounded argument just my own thoughts put down quickly. mentions of SA, miscarriage.

with season two over the debate between team green and team black still continues. HBO completely pushed the notion that 'all must choose' for the promotion of the season as a way of creating conversation around the show. i think the urgency for everyone to pick a side has its shortcomings because it's made for a very biased viewing of the show that has divided the fandom (though this might be intentional to reflect the divisions of westeros).

before season two aired i was under the impression that most people, if not all, were team black. i thought the hypothetical choosing of sides was contained to the show (which doesn't completely make sense either because some of the great houses didn't declare either way) but evidently, the fandom has made their decisions too. it is an interesting marketing strategy but we've seen it plenty of times before.

for me, rhaenyra is the obvious rightful ruler in westeros. arguments of succession in the show only exist because of westerosi patriarchy but i think responses from the external fandom are shaped by our own misogynistic ways of thinking, wether explicit or internal. at its very core, the only reason rhaenyra is not on the iron throne is because she's a woman.

character

there is an argument that it's her character and her personality that don't make her a fitting ruler but this simply isn't true. targayrens have sat the throne since the conquest and have ruled in all kinds of ways, aegon the conquerors own sons, aenys and maegor who ruled after him, were completely different, the first son criticised for being too weak the and the other too strong. in the world of westeros, rhaenyra's throne is only usurped because she is a woman.

when it comes to the fandom, her personality is supposedly judged in isolation to her sex (although i don't think that's even possible) and people have called her weak, passive and unbefitting of rule (ironic considering these are traits stereotypically attached to women). the less convincing part of this argument is who she compares to. if rhaenyra's hesitance to act and her caution are seen as weak and should stop her ruling, then surely aegon exhibits better, more ruler-like behaviour, yet he doesn't.

in season one, aegon tells aemond he '[has] no wish to rule, no taste for duty' and that he is 'not suited' to which aemond agrees. aegon is presented throughout the show as having an unlikable personality. he makes fun of and bullies aemond throughout their lives. he mistreats heleana as she admits that for the most part aegon ignores her 'except sometimes when he's drunk.' instead he frequents brothels and as a result has bastard children who grow up in the fighting pits. what cannot be ignored is aegon's sexual offences, he rapes dyana, one of the servants and has no regard for it whatsoever and this transgression is largely ignored in discussion.

aegon does not show the behaviour associated with a good ruler and though this wouldn't matter so much if he was the sole heir (because he isn't the first targaryen to abuse his power) it does matter when compared to rhaenyra. rhaenyra is not perfect, i don't mean to suggest she is. but as recognised by rhaenys, rhaenyra's caution is a strength, she does not rush into war and seeks out peaceful alternatives. this does not make her weak but instead shows her wanting to avoid violence and harm to her people. similarly, aegon's flaws are not all the fault of his own, having no believed he would be king, he never prepared for his duties as such and had more scope to act undutifully. neither character is without their own problems but i don't think discrediting rhaenrya's right to the throne whilst uplifting aegon's based on their characteristics is a productive argument.

birthright and succession

in westeros, succession of the throne is assumed to pass to the firstborn son of the king. this of course requires each targaryen monarch to have at least one son. but, this isn't always the case, at the start of the series, viserys is crowned jaehaerys' heir through vote above rhaenys despite her having the stronger claim. after the death of aemma and her infant son the council question viserys on who should succeed him. with only one child of his own, rhaenyra, it is suggested that the crown should pass to daemon. however, daemon doesn't exhibit behaviour befit for rule, the council worry that he might bring terror to the realm as maegor did, or in fact be even worse. these worries are shared by viserys, eventually, he even tells rhaenyra that 'daemon was not made to wear the crown' but that she was.

rhaenrya is named as viserys' successor and the lords and ladies of the realm bend the knee to her. from then on, viserys prepares rhaenyra for what it means to be queen, evidently in telling her about the song of ice and fire which has been 'passed from king to heir since aegon's time.' rhaenrya's claim to the throne is validated when she sees the rare white hart during the hunt for aegon's birthday, the animal is used by otto once talk of a sighting has been uncovered to try and push aegon's legitimacy as heir. the hart is a symbol of royalty (before the dragons ruled over westeros, the white hart was a symbol of royalty in these lands'), and is seen by many as a message from the gods. whilst it takes men to hold back the deer visery's kills, the white hart shows itself naturally to rhaenyra. i think this signifies the way in which aegon's claim is approved and uplifted by the power of man whilst rhaenyra's claim is validated by the gods.

viserys is not unwavering in his loyalty to his decision, a few times as rhaenyra gets older he questions whether or not he made the right choice, even during the hunt when she runs away from the celebrations for aegon's second name day as he questions his choice to alicent. ultimately however, viserys never changes his mind, he is never convinced that aegon should follow after him as king, even claiming, despite having four children with alicent, that rhaenyra is his 'only child.' it is therefore rhaenyra's birthright to become queen with an oath sworn to viserys by the people to honour his wish for her to succeed him.

but what of aegon? once aegon is born from visery's second marriage expectations from the realm change, which rhaenys warns rhaenrya about. viserys is steadfast in rhaenyra being his heir, not once changing his mind offically. tradition would have it that aegon should be named heir, 'no woman has ever sat the iron throne.' is it therefore aegon's birthright as the firstborn son to be king? viserys has years to change his mind but as he watches aegon and rhaenrya grow up, he remains loyal to his words and his chosen heir.

by the word of the king, the final authority (maybe other than god) rhaenyra should be queen. it makes unfortunate sense why people in westeros would contest her as heir, there is very little gender consciousness in the realm and patriarchy is normal and unchallenged by the masses. but why is the external audience, living in today's society so persistent in aegon being king?

why do fans want aegon to be king?

when viserys dies, alicent mistakes his final words about aegon the conquerer's dream for viserys' wish for aegon to be king. otto does not need to hear this justification, hungry for his blood to sit the iron throne he, alicent and the council crown aegon whilst rhaenrya is on dragonstone. aegon does not want to be crowned, but as thousands of people cheer for him and his reign, his dislike seems to fade (though not entirely).

on dragonstone, rhaenrya must mourn the loss of her daughter, her father, her crown and soon luke whilst planning the inevitable war to come and gather her allies. otto takes to dragonstone and attempts to make rhaenyra bend the knee, though her ('i'm queen rhaenyra now') and daemon ('i would rather feed my sons to the dragons then have them carry shields and cups for your drunken, usurper cunt of a king') will not accept aegon as king. otto begins to justify aegon's crowning further stating that he 'has the conqueror's name' and 'wields the conquerer's sword' but this isn't convincing, these are things given to aegon, not that he has earnt.

aegon has been made king, breaking the oath sworn to viserys and we watch rhaenyra grieve and lose what is rightfully hers in a graphic but realistic depiction of miscarriage and vulnerability. the show gives me an enormous sense of annoyance because of how well-done i believe it is, it is an injustice that aegon is crowned, at least to me. so why do fans love aegon, especially women?

firstly i think part of it is just internalised misogyny. no matter how 'liberated' we believe ourselves to be in the 21st century, society is still innately patriarchal and women are still hated for being women. feminism can now reach more people because of social media but so can misogynistic rhetoric. because we are socialised to accept sexism, many people grow up and remain disillusioned into accepting patriarchy. male domination is so pervasive in every single thing that we do that it's just seen as the norm. the world is still largely built for men, women are expected to perform and act for men so i hardly find it surprising that female audiences applaud aegon as king. a man is a natural leader, a notion we are bombarded with as children, one that is hard to escape unless you consciously unlearn all you've been taught about gender roles.

or maybe we are seeing an incapability to separate show from reality. westeros is a patriarchal society, much like the one we live in today, only westeros is a fantasy world, drawing inspiration from historical events (that may however still ring true) from a variety of different cultures. much of it can be seen in similarity to medieval history in its monarchical structure, attitudes toward sex and marriage as well as the role of religion. as discussed, rhaenyra's reign would break hundreds of years of tradition and so is contested by the characters in the fictional world. but maybe some viewers internalise the world presented and almost put themselves into the narrative, abandoning their personal beliefs about the external, real-world and instead viewing the story as if they are someone in westeros. in today's world we can become utterly consumed by fiction, when the show was running, i was rewatching season one and game to thrones, reading fire and blood, watching lore videos on youtube, scrolling through hundreds of tiktok edits, looking at instragram posts from the cast, reading and watching interviews and the majority of my free time was taken over by house of the dragon. along the way i started thinking about myself in the world i was so heavily infatuated by and evidently so did many fans. i think because of the content we get now, its harder to see shows/film as just escapism or entertainment, for some people it really takes over and if you are living in your head thinking about this fictional world like i was, almost every day, at what point do you start to make judgements in isolation from your own knowledge? maybe people leave behind what they know of contemporary feminism because they want to escape further into the fictional world. therefore, its much easier to see aegon as the rightful heir as you begin to internalise westerosi ideology.

similarly, the internet has an obsession with bad men and villains, especially when they are conventionally attractive. i do not think for a moment people would claim to love aegon as much as they do if he was ugly. aegon and his big sad eyes, aegon and his daddy issues, aegon and his pretty face, i can fix him. he's mean and he's rude but maybe he'll have a soft spot for me. tom glynn carney is a very good looking man and a fantastic actor, i'm not denying the obvious. but if we want to talk seriously about who should rule in westeros why are we so disillusioned. the bad guy with a broken spirit trope is so rampant now in media and women have been conditioned to love it. 'maybe i can fix him' is just another way of making women responsible for men's behaviour and taking accountability away from them and 'he hates everyone except me' shows how much value society places on male attention, making woman compete for the good opinion of men. aegon is not a 'bad boy' he is a rapist. the forced king narrative is intriguing and makes aegon's character more complex but to want this guy king because he is conventionally attractive is kind of wild. and yeah, maybe it's not that deep and i'm not saying people shouldn't edit him or write fanfiction about him, i'm merely trying to articulate how much physical beauty matters in our response to media. it would be easy to see aegon's actions as criminal and unbeffiting of a king if he didn't look so much like one. we find sadness in his position, we feel sympathy for him when we don't rhaenrya and support him as ruler because of the tragedy of it all.

some viewers also just prefer the content of the team green characters more than they do black. i saw a lot online this season about how the greens are better written and have more depth. people enjoy the villainy of the greens and their political scheming, often this season rhaenyra was shown to be hesitant, wanting to scope out her options before acting and whilst this makes for a good leader (in my opinion) maybe that just didn't make for entertaining viewing for some. maybe some fans liked aegon as king because it meant they spent more time with him and his reign. i think this is valid to an extent, although i also think the team black characters are much more complex than people give them credit for. maybe aegon's darkness is just more watchable then the 'safeness' of rhaenyra. but when we talk seriously about who should rule, who is best for the realm, i don't know how far this can be argued.

conc

rhaenyra vs aegon for the iron throne both in the world of the show and in the viewer's reception of it is just based on misogyny and centring our lives around men and the internet's obsession with glorifying everything an attractive (or any) man does whilst discrediting everything a woman does

[nickburn]

UFO 50 - First Impressions

I've played UFO 50 for over 30 hours now and wanted to quickly jot down my first impressions of each game included. From the many reviews I've consumed so far, it seems everyone has a unique experience playing UFO 50, due to the sheer variety and quantity of retro games on offer, and it's somewhat difficult to predict which games will click with a player and which they'll bounce off of immediately. I've technically played each game, but some for only minutes while others for several hours. I've earned gold disks for seeing the end of only a handful of games so far, and I'm not close to getting the cherry achievements (the hardest challenges) of any of them. I expect my opinions about many of the games to change a lot after I've finished them all, a task which I'm positive will take still dozens more hours. Also, I suspect many of the games to take on a different tone, difficulty, and flavor once I've found many more of the cheat codes available and tried playing each game with the cheats active.

Up until I purchased the game, I tried to remain as unspoiled on UFO 50 as possible. I am still largely unaware of the grander meta-narrative about UFO Soft that's included and believe that more easter eggs and secrets have yet to be discovered. I expect these to color my opinions of the game overall as well once I've seen them, but regardless I'm confident in saying that UFO 50 is a must-play for anyone interested in retro games or getting into game design, art, narrative, programming, music, etc. Spelunky 2 is one of my favorite games of all time, so I was already primed to enjoy another title by Derek Yu and Eirik Surhke. But still, I'm very impressed with what I've experienced of the game so far and think it deserves a lot of discussion and study. Both Spelunky 2 and UFO 50 seem to have been largely overlooked by the professional games media/podcast machine post-launch and I think that's a huge shame, although a lot of popular YouTubers and smaller podcasts are giving the game its due. So if you're still reading this asking yourself "Is UFO 50 the kind of game for me and worth $25?", rest assured the answer is most likely "yes" and you should go buy it and play it right now. Come back and tell me what you think if you do. That said, let's get into the games...

I originally tried all 50 games in their listed fictional chronological order of release, as I believe was probably intended, and will present them as such here as well:

Barbuta (1982) feels grindy, obtuse, slow, and overly-punishing until you start to make sense of the game's design language and solving its mysteries. As many others have theorized, I think Barbuta was put first in the list primarily to encourage users to try other games and come back to it later. I'll probably have to draw my own map of the layout to finish it, and I'm actually looking forward to that. I really like Barbuta overall, as both a callback to 1980's CGA/EGA graphics PC platformers of yore (none of which I'm very familiar with) as well as a contemporary of games like Animal Well, You Have to Win the Game, and I Wanna Be the Guy.

Bug Hunter (1983) immediately called to mind modern tactical roguelike games for me, primarily Into the Breach. Unlike Barbuta, this game felt easy for me to sink an hour into before moving on, though I've since put twice that much time into Barbuta. It has fun systems, a fairly gentle learning curve compared to many of the other games, and great art and UI that tells you just as much information as you need to make informed decisions.

Ninpek (1983) - I'll be honest and admit I'm not the biggest Contra fan (although I do really like Ninja Gaiden), but I don't think Ninpek's brutal difficulty does its genre of platformer/shooters many favors. That said, I keep coming back to it and find that I do make a lot of progress after I've warmed up a bit. I also appreciate that the game is fairly generous with extra lives and doesn't force a total restart until you've lost them all. It is very easy to get into a death spiral and quickly lose your last few lives though. While it's tough, I think Ninpek will be completable for most players who dedicate a few hours to it; I just don't know how enjoyable those hours will be on average.

Paint Chase (1983) gives me some nagging anxiety in a way that's hard to describe. There are so many things happening on screen at once that it's hard to pay attention to any of them. Trucks and planes barreling down lanes threaten to undo all your hard won progress, right down to the last few seconds of every round. The constantly changing blue and red squares can really mess with your vision too. I think I still enjoy the game, especially the meter that agonizingly ticks up your paint percentage at the end of a stage, determining if you pass or fail. I'm just not itching to finish it any time soon.

Magic Garden (1984) is the kind of game I wish I was naturally better at, but surviving in twitchy, one-hit kill arcade games long enough to rack up impressive high scores has never been my strong suit. Still, it's impossible to ignore this game's charms, and I'll keep coming back to it, even if I never really expect to master it.

Mortol (1984) struck me as one of the zaniest and most interesting game ideas I've ever seen. It's something of a bummer to spend a lot of bodies finishing a stage only to not have enough to finish the next one, but the game is so fun to play that I don't think I'll mind by the end.

Velgress (1984) has been on my mind a lot, distracting me for a few minutes here, a half hour there. It's easy and addicting to play a few runs, in the same way that Downwell or Spelunky are. I'm very confident I'll finish this game after I'm more accustomed with levels 2 and 3 - it's really just a matter of time.

Planet Zoldath (1984) I gave several solid attempts at first but it's not a game I enjoy playing all that much. I like what it's doing as a game idea though, as a procedurally-generated Zelda-like with some off-the-wall writing. The game seems directly influenced by the randomizer trend too, which is a really interesting design space to explore.

Attactics (1984) is one of the only games I really dislike so far, mainly because of its frantic and disorganized nature. I'm not really an auto-battler person, and having to play a Chess-like game with real-time movement just makes me panic and makes the game very hard to learn at first. I'm expecting this one to be a lot more enjoyable after some more practice, but it's very rough at the start.

Devilution (1984) weirdly reminded me of a game in another collection of games: Dungeons & Diagrams from Last Call BBS (2022) by Zachtronics. I enjoy setting up a Rube Goldberg machine of monster attacks and rocket launches and seeing all the dominoes fall at the end, but I can't help feeling there are some missing quality of life features here that could make the game a lot easier to parse.

Kick Club (1984) reminds me of Bubble Bobble, a game I've loved since I was a kid. It's relatively tough as a single-player game, but I imagine it's a lot easier with a Player 2 in coop. I love the sports theming of the enemies and the many different ways you can knock the deadly soccer ball into them.

Avianos (1985) is not nearly as hard to grock as it looks at first, which is something I can't say for a lot of contemporary strategy games. I quickly learned what the different symbols meant and tried to pick the most optimal Ancestor to pray to every round, and I find the core loop really satisfying. Sure, it doesn't have nearly the same depth as a Civilization or a Crusader Kings, but I also dislike having to spend upwards of four hours on a single match of those games.

Mooncat (1985) is meant to be a spiritual sequel to Barbuta, but I don't think I'll end up liking it as much. The gimmicky movement controls are more frustrating than interesting to me right now, and I don't see how even the best level design in the world could help me get past that. I've been wrong before though, for sure, and I want to give the full game a fair shot.

Bushido Ball (1985) is mildly enjoyable but can often be frustrating due to what I suspect is a very quick ramp up in difficulty of the enemy AI. Not only do you need to learn every character's strengths and weaknesses, you also need to react extremely fast or predict where the enemy will hit the ball next, usually long before the ball actually gets there. It's not impossible or completely unrewarding to learn, but I'm not convinced the juice is worth the squeeze with this one.

Block Koala (1985) will probably end up as one of my most-played games of the set, and I'm excited to get back to it. Even the early puzzles are really daunting, though, and I'm not very experienced with sokoban-style games. I'm glad the game comes with an undo button, but it still feels tedious to rewind more than a few steps. There's inherently a lot of trial and error involved in solving a puzzle, which can make individual puzzles take a very long time and make watching your koala slowly navigate through the same areas over and over more annoying than fun or relaxing.

Camouflage (1985) is a cool, logical extension of Frogger with kind of a stealth twist. I wish you didn't need to watch the same long animation of your lizard getting devoured every time you die though. The game is really asking you to go slow and plan your route ahead of time, but it's still easy to mess up and accidentally step into a hungry amphibian's path.

Campanella (1985) is both adorable and challenging as the titular UFO of UFO 50, and I'm still making up my mind about it. Flying the too-tiny UFO around can be physically painful when you have to constantly hold or mash the A button to keep it aloft, and its momentum definitely takes some getting used to. The ship also can only attack nearby objects, making every encounter with an enemy or obstacle a risk. 50 levels seems like a really tall order to complete when any brush with a random wall can end your run. Thankfully, though, it's easy to earn 1UPs in this game and many helpful secrets abound. I've already found one hidden teleporter in the first world that skips you forward a few levels, and I suspect there are others later on. The music, art, and humor of this game are great too, and Campanella is probably one of the more polished games of the set.

Golfaria (1985) is one of those weird game ideas that kind of works despite itself, like Pac Man 2 or the Sonic franchise. I don't love tediously navigating an entire world with limited golf ball physics, but I tend to enjoy golf games and ball-rolling games like Kirby's Dream Course, so I think it'll grow on me.

The Big Bell Race (1985) is Campanella racing and most reminds me of the Top Ride mode from Kirby Air Ride. I'm always down for silly racing games with power-ups like this one, but I still don't understand why the UFOs can only slash and not shoot lasers. This game is probably best played with another player.

Warptank (1985) feels like Blaster Master but with gravity switching and I'm mostly into it. Controlling and aiming the tank upside-down is not always intuitive, but the checkpoints are plentiful and you can retry a section as many times as it takes you to progress.

Waldorf's Journey (1986) is a great idea that's as funny as it is potentially frustrating. I love the idea of a flying walrus in a drug-induced dreamscape, but I don't love trying to land on tiny platforms or watching Waldorf fall to his death due to running out of fish meter. A little more leniency could have gone a long way here, but thankfully Waldorf's dream doesn't last long and focuses more on speed than stamina.

Porgy (1986) is another game that looks more fun than it is to play, due to some tough controls, water physics, overly-aggressive enemies, and punishing stamina mechanics. I keep bouncing off it right after I boot it up and get killed by the shark, but I'm determined to make some real progress.

Onion Delivery (1986) might be someone's favorite game (maybe even yours), but for me it's too annoying to control and too difficult to finish all the deliveries and return home without dying. I really like the cutscenes though and want to see more of the aliens and the story. If you're a Grand Theft Auto 1 & 2 fanatic, this game is probably for you.

Caramel Caramel (1986) might also be on the too-hard side of things for me but I really enjoy playing it. Just don't ask me why this fish-ship thing has a polaroid camera strapped to its face. The camera mechanic is brilliant in gameplay, though, serving the purposes of freezing enemies (making them easier to shoot and blow up in a chain reaction of double points) as well as revealing the many secret caches of orbs hidden in the environment. I don't understand why there are no checkpoints in this game though, when extra lives are so difficult to earn already. The music, art, and gameplay are killer otherwise though, making this one of my favorite games in UFO 50.

Party House (1986) is perhaps the best game in the first half of UFO 50, so it makes sense to put it at the halfway point chronologically. I really enjoy roguelike deckbuilders, and I've never played one with this goofy or charming of a theme. Again, the difficulty is very finely tuned, but you can definitely win scenarios with a little good luck and patient planning. Unwinnable situations still come up, for sure, but it's quick and easy to reset the game and try again if you don't want to play out all 25 days of a scenario.

Hot Foot (1986) calls to mind the Kunio-kun soccer and dodgeball NES games of my youth, but it's neither as ridiculous nor as fun as those. The writing is funny but the bean bags just feel awkward to both dodge and throw, and I haven't gotten a handle on what makes a good team yet. Combine that with some weird NPC AI and needing to manage two characters concurrently and I just don't think this works as a single-player experience. 2-player coop though I could see being pretty fun, so long as you don't chuck too many bean bags at your friend's head (in the game or otherwise).

Divers (1986) I know is one of the longer games included and so I've mostly put off playing it. I do really like the callback to the TMNT NES game's dam level though, and I'm excited to discover the game's secrets.

Rail Heist (1987) is one of the few games I've finished so far and probably one of my favorites. It took about four hours for me to complete all 20 missions (not going for stars or good times) and I was engrossed the whole playthrough. Getting the cowboys to do exactly what you want within your 9-second window can feel a bit random, and it never feels great to be shot from offscreen. But I think Rail Heist is mostly about those panicky moments between certain death and success, teaching you to form a plan and play precisely rather than waste a lot of time, which is what I love about Spelunky too.

Vainger (1987) has a lot to live up to as a Super Metroid clone, but I'm interested to see how its gravity-flipping will be used as more than just a gimmick across the whole game.

Rock On! Island (1987) is the first tower defense game I've played in a long time and one of the best, period. It's hard, it demands a lot of thought and attention, and it will upset you when 10 pterodactyls fly a B-line directly into your base because you didn't think to set up air defenses beforehand. But I really love the core loop of this game and there's something about the theme that feels very nostalgic to me. There are so many interesting decision points along the way to building a winning strategy, with just enough wiggle room for experimentation. There were a lot of NES and SNES games with cavemen-versus-dinosaurs themes too, for some reason, and Rock On! feels very faithful to that tradition.

Pingolf (1987) looks, sounds, and feels great to play but has some truly agonizing level design. I'll often line up a shot and whack the ball, only to watch it ricochet back at me and land further behind than where I started. This can happen very often in the later holes, demanding that you memorize the best routes to win. Getting good enough to win a match of all 18 holes will probably take me a few hours of practice, but I'm not sure I won't be sick of the game by the end of it.

Mortol II (1987) fails to live up to its predecessor's genius for me so far, sadly. The different classes feel stiff and difficult to manuever, and it's very frustrating to lose a man and then have to start over from the beginning yet again, even with 100 of them at your disposal.

Fist Hell (1987) makes a lot of sense and it's fun to play a River City Ransom-style beat-em-up with zombies. It's just very difficult to survive for long. Attempting the game with two players seems ideal.

Overbold (1987) lets you dig your own grave through raising the stakes of each fight with the promise of winning more points. It seems like a false promise, though, for all but the most dedicated of players. Getting killed in one hit here seems overly-mean, and I don't really enjoy this game's brand of Robotron-style slaughter either way.

Campanella 2 (1987) I've heard is the "Spelunky 3" of this collection but I've yet to see how that plays out. I'm not very excited about flying more Campanellas through tiny spaces or moving around as a slow, pixellated astronaut though. At least Isabel can shoot lasers when she gets out of the ship, I guess, similar to Cave Story or Blaster Master. This is yet another game I really wonder about the lack of checkpointing.

Hyper Contender (1988) was surprisingly easy for me and I finished my first run of the game using Elka, which took about 10 minutes including a few deaths. It's very similar to the versus mode in Spelunky 2, and I think it'd be fun to play with friends.

Valbrace (1988) is one of the games I was most looking forward to trying, and so far it's lived up to the hype. It has some of the same navigation issues that many classic dungeon crawlers had, but the automap is pretty helpful and the combat is a lot more engaging than just picking the same old options from a menu.

Rakshasa (1988) feels like Ghouls N' Ghosts or Contra but doesn't seem nearly as hard as those games to me. I really like the death save system turning the game momentarily into something like a shmup. The player's ghost also seems like a callback to Ninpek, and I love when these games are in conversation with each other. You can really see how UFO Soft progressed and developed in a lot of areas throughout the collection.

Star Waspir (1988) is unfortunately too hard for me and maybe needlessly so at first blush. I'm not an expert at shmups but to me this seems to be targeting only the most dedicated and hardcore of arcade grinders who can spell EGG.

Grimstone (1988) is a "Western" Final Fantasy/Dragon Quest clone and I'm super excited to play through it and see how my party develops.

Lords of Diskonia (1988) is what happens when you mix Heroes of Might & Magic with something like marbles or crokinole and it works surprisingly well. There's a lot of strategy and skill involved in how and where you shoot your disks, and sometimes a weaker army can still win the fight through some clever placement and opportunistic bounces. I'm looking forward to playing through the whole campaign.

Night Manor (1988) lives and dies by the quality of its art, atmosphere, scares, and puzzles, and it's mostly successful. I'm really glad there's a puzzle horror game included in the list at all, though, and the fact that it works surprisingly well with a controller with two buttons is remarkable.

Elfazar's Hat (1988) is tough but seems mostly fair so far. I really like this kind of slower-paced shooter and played a lot of Gun.Smoke on the NES growing up. The card pick-ups are a fun sub-objective and keep you exploring the environment.

Pilot Quest (1988) I knew was an idle clicker game going in and so I've mostly left it to its own devices after planting a few seeds at the start. It and the original Planet Zoldath remind me of Pikmin, but the gameplay doesn't seem nearly as fun or interesting so far. It's very cool that the game continues collecting gems even when you're not playing it though.

Mini & Max (1989) really appeals to me as a Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers kind of game with a shrinking mechanic. The opening level seems a bit plain and empty, but I'm hoping it gets more interesting from there. The pixel art and writing so far are top-notch.

Combatants (1989) - or "Combat Ants", if you will - might be the weirdest game on this list, combining the theming and obtuse non-controls of Sim Ant with a hardcore RTS like StarCraft. I'm not sure if it's a joke game with a larger meta-reason for being the way it is or simply just bad, but I'm betting on the former.

Quibble Race (1989) appears to be purely a gambling game, and as such I have basically zero interest in it thus far. On the surface, it reminds me of one too many boring mini-games to want to play it. Maybe it will surprise me though!

Seaside Drive (1989) released the month and year I was born (in the fictional world of UFO 50) and as such I feel some kinship with it. Thankfully, it's got a great, synthwave theme, chill music, and fun gameplay. It plays kind of like Moon Patrol on crack and adds a drifting mechanic, and recalls other nostalgia-fueled indie games like Hotline Miami and Retro City Rampage as well as films like Drive and Point Break.

Campanella 3 (1989) shifts the perspective of the Campanella series from 2D to 3D, in one of the more technologically impressive outings of UFO 50. I mostly enjoy games like Star Fox (when I can survive long enough in them anyway) and I'm looking forward to giving this a real shot.

Cyber Owls (1989) spoofs on the likes of Battle Toads and many, many other NES and SNES team action games, but I'm not convinced it's as good as any of the best of those so far. The gameplay ideas are there but the execution feels a bit lacking, in the case of each individual owl's levels and gameplay.

And that's it! I also wanted to mention the Garden in UFO 50, which acts like a trophy room for your achievements in every game, and I love it. Please don't take anything I've said about the games too seriously, as, again, my opinions are likely to change about many of them. But I hope you've enjoyed reading this if you've made it this far, and maybe I'll end up doing a full(er) review of this game down the line when I've collected a lot more gold disks. Until then, I really hope you go out and play UFO 50 yourself; the devs deserve the support and I know you'll find a game or two you love here.

Cheers, Nick

[nowoyas]

Edible Arrangements 29

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: y'all the new op. the new op. I'm Unwell. The new op. asdkjfhdsjh

Chapter Summary: Winter break begins. You and Izuku spiral separately together.

Warnings: mmmm I don't think there's any this time around!

Word Count: ~3100 words

Exams and presentations arrive without another thought. You’ll end the semester with better grades than you’ve seen in your lifetime—as it shakes out, you do better in school without the constant stress of finances and other bullshit looming over your head. And, as a final hurrah, on the last day of exams, you have your in-class presentation with Neito.

It’s easy. It’s nothing that hasn’t been rehearsed. It’s actually more difficult for you to successfully keep your tone level through the conversation than it is to provide the information. (You don’t have fun. You won’t admit to something like that.)

When it’s said and done and you’re freed from this particular ethics course, you linger in the hall, waiting for Neito. He’s not long after you, talking with some of his perfectly poised friends in the class and carrying his laptop under one arm and a Hydroflask in his free hand. When he sees you, he waves them off and slips over to you, expression dropping from casual liar to polite smiles.

“I hope you know how uncomfortable I am with this.”

You shrug as he passes over the Hydroflask. “That’s fine. It’s out of your hands now.”

“What do you even need holy water for? You don’t intend—“

“Heard it was more hydrating than regular water,” you quip. “I wanted to test it.”

He levels a flat look your way. “Really?”

You snicker and slide the container carefully into your bookbag. “Yeah, totally. If not, I bet it’ll burn like alcohol on the way down.”

“Yeah, I doubt you’re really trying that. But then, what are you doing?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?”

“…I take it you’re not going to answer me, then.”

You hum. “Sounds about right. Thank you for this, by the way. I know it was super risky for you to even be transporting it.”

“Not to mention for Ibara to get it. I had to convince her to wear gloves with some lie about it touching her skin tainting the water. I didn’t want to chance the possibility that touching the water at all would do to her like it did you.”

That idea catches your interest. “Want me to test it?”

“Absolutely not! You already nearly died. Your vampire would end my life if he even thought that—“

You laugh. “It’ll be fine. I’ll dip a finger of my other hand in later and let you know if it’s the thrall mark or just the whole body that’s sensitive. Worth noting, my burns don’t seem to have any splash marks where the holy water got away from the mark, and it’s not like your guys’ aim was accurate, so solid evidence lending itself to it just being the mark.” You slide your hands into your pockets. You still can’t wear long sleeves. (You’re rather looking forward to spending some time indoors, away from people staring at your arm.) “Anyways, thanks again. If I do test the holy water, I’ll let you know how it goes before I hand it over.”

“Hand it over? Who’s this for, anyway?”

You shrug and disappear down the Uni halls. This fight isn’t yours to tell.

~

“What’re you up to? You’re going to ruin your eyes like that.”

Izuku drags his eyes away from the screen. “I think being a vampire makes me immune to needing glasses, actually.”

“Tenya needs his, though.” (You hope that means something. He’d look great in glasses.)

“He must have had them before being turned, then.” He smiles and leans back to look up at you properly. “Did you need something?”

You shake your head. “I’m bored and curious. You’ve been focusing hard for a while now…”

“Just… tracking, I guess. There’s been more signs of the Death Adder lately. I think he’s getting closer to the city.”

You look him over with pity. He really does look tired. The past few nights, you’ve fallen asleep without him and woken up without him—you’re sure, at some point, he’s moved you or joined you in bed for a few short hours, but more and more your waking hours are spent alone. The bags under his eyes run deep, hair even messier than normal.

He gives you everything. You can’t let him run himself into the ground like this, tentatively immortal or no. You must give him something in return.

He told you not to get involved, though…

“Can you come take a nap with me? Even just lay down?”

“You want to sleep? It’s the middle of the day.”

You smile sheepishly. “Well, I don’t, but I want you to sleep. If it’s like, too much to ask for you to come sleep with me, then of course you can forget I asked, but, you know, it’s—“

It’s the first time you’ve outright asked for it since the incident, and it shows in the heat in your cheeks and the pink on his. “I don’t need the rest. But, if you think it’d make you comfier, I mean, I could—“

“Only if you want to—“

He nods, and you nod, and both of you nod until he’s coming with you to nap on top of the covers of his bed, where Sbeve (the little pain) is curled up in the dead center of the bed.

It’s harder to ease into when it’s not one of you half-asleep and the other already there. You don’t worry about cuddling up to a sleeping Izuku or a sad Izuku because then you don’t have to worry about the closeness of it, just the effects—your better sleep, his improving mood. Like this, you’re both red-faced and stammering as you climb into bed and maneuver around the kitten.

When all’s said and done, you find yourself the big spoon, holding Izuku close. He’s tired, you can tell in the weight of each movement. He clearly hasn’t been sleeping enough.

If this is what it takes to get him to rest awhile, you’ll do it without a second thought. Anything to make him happier, and healthier, anything for him.

God, I really am whipped. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he enthralled me to serve him.

That thought has you freezing, slowly looking down at the mess of curls atop his head. He’s not asleep yet, you don’t think. But what if he…?

“You okay?” He glances up at you with concern. “Y-you got really still all of a sudden.”

“Sorry. I just… crazy question. You haven’t, like…”

“Mm?”

“You promise you’ve never enthralled me, right?”

He lifts his head, shifts to stare you dead in the eyes. Your heart sinks in preparation to see him glow.

“[name]. I am never doing that to you, okay? You are your own person. I don’t want to control you or hurt you.”

He’s not glowing, and that’s a relief, but then you remember Yo, and the feeling of finding out that someone had been lying to you for the first time.

“Y-you didn’t say you hadn’t, though…”

“I have never enthralled you. I will never enthrall you. No lies, see?”

You nod, feeling the weight slip away. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Lie to me, just to check?”

“I want to remove your agency and trap you here.”

A glow.

You heave a sigh and pull him back in close to you. “Okay. Sorry. I just scared myself.”

“What brought that on?”

“Nothing important,” you mumble, bringing a hand up to pet him. How could you begin to tell him that? Oh, yeah, sorry, Izuku. I just want to give my world to you so much that for a moment I thought I was under the influence of something like mind control. Don’t read into that too much!

He doesn’t press it, and you don’t elaborate, and he sighs into your chest and falls into rest.

~

Izuku doesn’t want you to get involved. You know that.

And yeah, you don’t want to confront a serial killer. That would be dangerous! And scary! And bring up past traumas you’re trying hard not to let control your life! But…

Okay, so you’re not getting involved. Skimming news headlines during your downtime (which you find yourself with a lot of now that your university’s on winter break) hardly counts as chasing a serial killer. Glancing at Izuku’s corkboards when he’s out and about or in a meeting or working out downstairs isn’t the same thing as consuming yourself in research. And really, researching vampires in your spare time is just better informing yourself of the situation—it’s no different than when you sought out books on vampires to read back when you first moved in! You’re simply doing what you need to to stay safe. News is important! World events are important! You should know when things like strings of murders are happening around you and drawing closer!

And man, there’s a lot of information to keep track of every day. It’d be weird if you didn’t write it down, right? You wouldn’t want to forget everything!

Anyways, it doesn’t count as getting involved. No, not even if you now have a notebook quickly filling with notes on vampires and tracking movement patterns. Izuku doesn’t want you getting involved, and this doesn’t count, so you’re not getting involved.

No, you’re just delving into research. It’s pre-research to figure out what you’ll do for your senior capstone project next year, that’s all! Vampirism is a quirk, and—

Oh, who are you kidding. You’re glowing so bright even the layman could tell you were lying.

Between the “definitely not hunting a serial killer” and the “actually getting really into researching and theorizing about what vampirism is” you nearly lose complete track of time. Mina and Tsuyu and Izuku have to coax you out of the house—though, to be fair, you’re also coaxing Izuku. These days, he’s consumed with his own research. He does stuff for his online classes in the morning, and by noon, he hasn’t moved from his chair, just changed tabs to news sites, forums, and the like. He worries you.

(You worry him, too.)

He’s progressed to the point where you have to set reminders to drag him away from his computer for things like sunlight and air away from his work, and usually, you find him gray-faced and dead-eyed in that little dark room, muttering to himself, when you do. On this day, trying to pry your mind away from the general depression and stress of impending holiday celebrations, you find him the same way: lights dim, door shut, and Izuku, nearly unblinking, fangs worrying his lower lip as he looks through some document that, at a glance, appears complex and dubiously legal.

“’Zuku.”

He doesn’t look away or even respond. He’s talking to himself, fast and low and impossible to follow. If his state these days wasn’t scaring you, you’d ask him to speak up, or sit there and listen. But it’s been too long since he last drank from you, and he doesn’t even seem to have noticed the absence.

“Dr. Midoriya?” you try again, hoping his name and title might drag him away.

Still nothing. Except for the barely-there movement of his lips, he doesn’t even seem to move or breathe. Dragging him to bed with you every night just to get him to rest is one thing, but…

You bite your lip. “Izuku?”

When still he barely even seems to notice you, your last bit of will breaks. You’re crossing the room in an instant, stride purposeful. He doesn’t notice you come up, and in fact has no reaction at all until you’re moving his chair and slinging a leg to pull yourself onto his lap.

And oh, there’s a reaction. Eyes wide, cheeks flushed, Izuku stammering and stunned. You’ll file his expression away for later use, but for now, you settle on his lap with a firm look. “Izuku. You’re losing yourself.”

“[n-name], I—“

“I know that this is important to you, Zuzu, but you have to take your mind off it for a moment.”

“I… I can’t just…”

You cup his cheeks in both hands, meeting his eyes firmly. “I get it. I promise, I do. But you’re not infallible. You’re a vampire, but you still have to drink. Do you even remember the last time you fed?”

He racks his brain for the answer, you can see it in the pout that instinctively reaches his lips. His hands have settled heavy on your hips, a support you’re glad to have with the awkward positioning. “U-um… was it—“

“Ten days ago, Izuku. It’s been well over a week since you fed, and you took less than usual the time before that, too.”

“Oh.” His eyes roam to your neck. You think he understands that it’s true when he sees that the most recent set of bite marks has already faded significantly.

“Yeah. Oh.”

“So this is what we’re doing. You’re going to take a long drink. You’re going to go until I’m dizzy, and then a bit more because you’re underfed. Probably you’re going to have to care for me for a bit until we’re sure I’m okay to move around again. You are going to take a long, hot shower, brush your teeth, and wash your face. I’ll make your hair look presentable again. And then, after that? We are going to go get coffee and go book shopping and get out of the house, because honestly? Neither of us have been out nearly enough this month.”

A sheepish smile flicks across his face. “It’s not that far into the month, is it?”

“Izuku. It’s December twenty-first.”

“O-oh. Really?”

“Yes, really. I checked before I came in here. Do you even know when your students submit things late these days?”

“I’ve actually got a TA for the abbreviated winter semester. She’s a gem, she’s handling all the grading and updates so I can focus on—“

You let out a dry laugh, dropping your forehead onto his shoulder. “You mean you haven’t even been working in the mornings? I thought that was at least what you were up to. I could have been bothering you to take care of your body at any time of day—“

He laughs, smooths a hand up your spine. The sensation brings a shiver. “Sorry. I should have mentioned I got a TA.”

“What you should have done is taken a break from the computer. I know you get focused, but seriously. Focus on the matter at hand. We’ll start with you biting my neck.”

“Y-you always have to phrase things like—“

“I know, I know, get biting.” You lift your head from his shoulder and tilt for access. As always, he adjusts your posture, shuffles you further up his lap both for postures’ sake and to secure you.

He smiles softly, lets out one of those little half-laughs that have your heart melting. “You keep me sharp.”

You cock a smile his way. “Well, it’d hurt a hell of a lot to get bit with dull fangs.”

He sinks in his teeth. You can pull him back.

~

It’s at the shopping center, Izuku clean and fluffy, you looking stupid with a winter coat worn on only one arm, that the thought occurs to you.

You don’t know whether Izuku celebrates any holidays.

You can’t ask him about it. That’d be too obvious. But you can’t just not get him something, right? Could you do something for it? You don’t celebrate anymore, but—

“You’ve been staring at that book a while. Should we get it?”

Your eyes snap away from the title you’d picked up—it’s some random holiday romance, nothing particular interesting to you. Really, it looks like someone attempted a novelization of a Hallmark movie and actually got published with it, which is honestly just impressive. You’d kill to see how they pitched it without making it obvious that it’s the same recycled small-town-guy, big-city-girl plot they show twenty times a day on the Hallmark channel this time of year.

“Nah, just getting lost in thought.” You slide the book back onto the shelf carefully. “We should get something for Sbeve while we’re out. Can we stop at the pet store after this? If it’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course!”

The redirection has him talking about what the kitten did the other day during your exams, and you listen, soothed to know your plan to get him away from the house is helping. The pair of you wander through the store, and when his story is finished—you laughing at all the right parts—you smile his way. “I can’t believe we’ve already been living together for three months. Or that it’s only been three months.”

“Yeah,” he breathes, smiling back at you. “The house feels a lot warmer thanks to you.”

You bump your shoulder into his, cheeks heating. He can’t mean it that way. “Well, I am pretty hot.”

He laughs, and you break off into looking at more books. As you pick up one with an interesting-looking title, you continue to speak. “Did you want to do anything for New Year’s, by the way? I think several people want us to host.”

“I’d be okay with that! It’s kind of fun, having so many people over. I haven’t been to a New Year’s party in years, though.”

“I skipped the past few years,” you offer idly. “I guess I’m the kind of person the party has to come to if I’m going to go at all? It’s a wonder Mina hangs around me.”

“You’re a fun person, though. I’m sure she can see that even if you don’t party like she does.”

Boring. You shelve the book, pick up another. “Thanks for saying so. Still, if you’re okay with hosting, we could start organizing it once we’re home…?”

And oh, isn’t that plan perfect? Izuku can’t leave you to organize alone. He knows you get stressed to hell even trying. More to pull him away, more to keep him close, more to hold his mind to shore. Part of you feels dirty for this. Part of you knows it’s necessary.

You won’t pull him away from something so important to him. But you’ll anchor him until it’s the right time for him to set off.

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[bapydemonprincess]

Did they fuck behind the scenes or what??? how does this mating thing work? 👀 Also next part when. WHEN.

GSDJYKGLHOIJ ohhh sweet summer anon... there may be some big time sexual tension, but in this particular sebard storyline... they've only kissed as many times as I've written, and nothing more 😈 I know that must be torture to some of you smut enthusiasts, but despite my own bisexual horny frustrations, I LOVE writing long game, slow, romantic shit 💖 So ya'll will have to endure.

And the mating bond concept is a thing @grelleswife and I came up with and have explored together in our collab writing The Owl and the Raven, a Sebamey centric story. But I realized in that last sebard drabble that I absolutely wanted to explore it again, just with a different ship. uwu It's basically a familiar concept of like, bonded souls or something I'm sure most people have seen. Like the whole "red string of fate" trope, but make it DEMONIC. Lmao. Basically if a demon such as Sebastian grows close enough to develop feeling of a romantic nature, but of course in whatever way demons feel it, they start to connect to that person in a way deeper way than physical and literal like we humans do. It's a logical way, in my opinion, to explain why maybe you don't hear or read about demons being romantic or demon courting, unless its in a bad or smutty light like seducing scenes. This bond that forms unconsciously with this other the demon wants to eventually be with, even if they themselves don't realize it or deny it in many cases, is like an extra intimate special way a demon can stay close to their "mate", as they call them. So it's no surprise that this doesn't happen a LOT or is unheard of. What demon who wants to hunt souls greedily and have fun their whole lives tricking and messing with humanity wanna suddenly be weighed down by a lover??? So I think basically these sorts of things only happen at a certain POINT in a demon's long life; like when they no longer NEED to eat souls as much, and no longer wish to mess around with humans. Like finally feeling like settling down and having a family like humans do! And it works out pretty interesting I'm sure with a demon + another demon; how it SHOULD go normally. The demons come together, court each other in whatever ways they do for the types of demons they are (like a crow/bird demon dancing and flaunting for their possible mate and bringing them shiny presents to show they care 🖤), and once the bond forms between them on BOTH SIDES, they can feel each other's emotions, talk to each other mentally, find where the other is much faster than if they weren't mated; and over long long looong distances too! So it's only natural and meant to happen between these two.

HOWEVER, for this bonding to at some point "activate" with a human the demon has been around and close to long enough... oh boy it's quite a trip. Almost embarrassing in some cases. Basically like a demon's equivalent of "WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM??? I DON'T WANT THIS!!! 🙈🙈🙈" And also the fact remains that a human is a human, they can't feel at all a bond forming on their end. 😭

So sometimes I'm sure these things don't last long and rarely happen at all, seeing as the smart thing to do is to move away and separate themselves from that particular human! ... If they really, really don't want this, that is.

But.. for a demon who might grow curious and hopeful, for they have grown to.. at least like this human in particular..

Well it's certainly seems like the beginning of something different from this demon's usual interactions with humans. 🖤

Finally... I will admit I don't know for certain when I will continue this, I can't promise anything, anon!! TwT But know that because I did enjoy getting to this point, I'll def. likely come back or keep going with my own little take on sebard 🥰 So thank you for enjoying my writing!!!

[lanshappycorner]

You know I've been meaning to talk abt this for a while now, but I really think it's interesting how Fogado was portrayed in the Fell Xenologue vs his actual personality, because I do as a matter of fact think that they are very similar. Not in the villainy bloodthirsty way but hmm

I feel like Fogado in the main story, although he presents himself as very playful and happy, he is pretty serious. Like he seems almost overly aware of his job, and sometimes it feels like he's so aware of it, that people have to Try to get him to loosen up, even if it's not obvious at first.

Idk how to explain it, but one of the most glaring examples would be that growing up he didn't spend much time with Timerra because he was always out and about. Timerra knows that he's doing it to help her when she becomes queen, and he's just using the excuse of being free spirited to do it.

In which case, Fogado is aware of what his kingdom stands for, and he plays into it, but even "being carefree" becomes a job for him. Well, he does know how to have fun so there is that, but I feel like it's pretty important that Fogado is a essentially a pretty diligent and serious person given the opportunity to be genuinely have fun sometimes.

There's a lot of conflict in the kingdom's values vs his duties as royalty, but that conflict ultimately does help him because he still remains grounded, but is able to have fun sometimes

Now onto Alternate Elyos. I'm going to slightly derail for a moment and mention Citrinne. Citrinne, in her dialogue against alt Alcryst says that he's still the same person inside. If we Assume that all the characters' alternate selves are inherently the same at birth, and that they changed based on their upbringing/experiences, then it's very interesting how this would apply to Fogado

Like I said, Fogado is at his core a pretty serious and diligent person. He understands the weight of where he stands, and because of that, I also feel like he struggles with making true friends (also hence why he was so desperate to find Bunet again and also why he took in Pandreo, who didn't know he was royalty at first).

But despite that, because he was able to make friends in this kind of environment that encouraged him to be friendly to some extent, he was able to grow up well. Mentally speaking hahaa

In the alternate Elyos, Solm is implied to be stricter. In which case I have to assume that they are not big on the whole carefree and friendly thing. So if Fogado, who is already strict on himself, is put into a rigid environment...it's likely he'll grow up extremely repressed.

It's just interesting to think about Alt Fogado's state of mind. He was so repressed, and the only people he cared about passed away. He will carry the duty of being prince to his grave, the only freedom he could ever have is death. I wonder how it must have felt to have the one thing you could ever want to be taken away from you, how he could have possibly felt when he woke up as a corrupted.

Although I do know that the royals' memories were tampered with, so they're not aware they're corrupted at first, but Fogado is one of the few that were aware early on. But I do wonder to what levels of insanity he felt that it was just a whatever moment to him.

It was only when he was killed again at the very end did he regain some form of sanity, and in his last moments, he said that he loved [the person who killed him]

Fogado is defined as a very affectionate and loving character. Alt Fogado, who grew up stifled, was probably....not particularly affectionate or loving. Which is why it probably hits harder, because he admits to loving the person who killed him, probably because they granted him the ultimate form of freedom and let him rest.

It also does make me wonder, if we took away the insanity part and left him as just himself, how would he "love"? I feel like he wouldn't be able to do it properly, maybe his idea of love would be a little twisted or odd. Or probably a little fucked up idk

But it gives me lots of feelings idk sorry for rambling anyways I just think hes neat and I'd like to know how he thinks. Puts him under a microscope

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Pacific Rim

My last Film Friday got devoured by the Needs To Finish Editing beast. I figure it's time to get back on it or the Can't-Be-Arsedosaurus is going to devour this habit entirely. Today I have my mind on my monsters and my monsters on my mind, so let's talk a bit about monsters, Kaiju to be more precise, and the giant robots that fight them in Pacific Rim

So earth is being invaded by giant semiaquatic lizard monsters called Kaiju, which is a bad time for all involved except possibly the Kaiju . Instead of devolving into secterian violence and short-sighted ass covering, however, humanity takes the NERV approach to the problem and builds some goddamn giant robots called Jaegers to show the aliens that humanity is not going down without a fight. It is, however, not easy for a regular-sized human being to pilot one of those darn things, and to lessen the load of the body-melding technology that makes it all work, each giant robot has not one, but two pilots, working in hopefully perfect tandem.

The most interesting part about Pacific Rim for my money is how absolutely confidently the movie establishes and delivers its world building. The entire setup in the above paragraph is delivered in the start of the movie, and there's very little dwelling on any of it. Other stories would've had ponderous origin stories or lengthy exposition that they desperately try to justify by having characters walking, or ideally running, and talking, or having a character that just don't know anything about anything.

Not pacific rim though, it sits you down and goes "Ok, here's the shit you need to know and some symbolism to boot, now things gone screwy and Our Guy needs to do some hero stuff." It's perhaps not the Saving The Cat-approved approach, but you know what? I admire how TCB it is, it seems like Guilermo Del Toro really wanted to get to his giant robot story, and didn't want to waste any time to get there.

In general, the movie is full of efficient storytelling like this. The Drift, which is to say the shared mind state that the pilots enter to control the Jaegers is an instant character backstory revealer, allowing both the characters and the movie as a whole to spend less time on it. No need to wonder what the hell Mako's problem is, we saw a montage about it just a few seconds ago, and both the characters and we know that there is a difference between knowing what a problem is and knowing how to deal with it, so there's no real drop in the interpersonal drama because of it either.

Anyway, I have gone WAY too long in this here essay about the Giant Robots Fighting Godzilla-movie without talking about either at any length. So, let's get nerdy on it why don't we. The Kaiju vs Jaeger scenes are spectacular, the Kaiju designs are all fun and unique but visually unified enough that they very much read like a united force. It does, admittedly, stretch the suspension of disbelief that these monsters are all unique and yet get custom names mere seconds after being spotted, but I like to believe there's one Kaiju nerd in the cellar of the Shatterdome whose sole job is coming up with code names for the monsters.

As for the Jaegers, I will say this is the closest a bipedal combat robot big enough to use a cargo ship as a wooden sword has come to making sense. The VFX and especially compositing is excellent for the time it was made, and there's some very real-feeling weight to how they move and some close-enough-to-real physics to their abilities and weapons that makes them feel very present. The same is true for the Kaiju, but we've seen giant godzilla monsters pull that trick off before, so it's not so impressive although I will admit the fight scenes do benefit from both parties feeling like they belong.

If I may diverge from my usual formula here, I feel I must say this, and this seems like as good a place as any. Holy fuck is this movie a blessing for the bisexuals in the audience. Charlie Hunnam and Rinko Kikuchi, playing protagonists Raleigh and Mako respectively, are attractive people, hope I'm not blowing anyone's minds there, but their chemistry in this movie is just Something Else, and it's honestly developed in a way that I see way too seldom.

It isn't just that they're good actors doing good work either, although I'd argue they are, but a question of being given good material. There is a relationship between these two, this, I would claim, is unambigious. That said, exactly what these two are to each other can be curiously hard to pin down. I still can't tell if it's romantic, sexual or platonic in nature after many re-watches, but whatever it is, it's great and intense in a way that's hard to describe. In some ways they even seem a bit like rivals, like how Raleigh sasses Mako for disproving of his sparring partners and Mako shooting back that it's Raleigh's bs she's disapproving of. In a lesser movie, this would've been awkward or played out with a joke. In this movie, which is great, our two heroes duke it out in a sparring match that is charged with some kind of energy that, if nothing else, tells us that these two will either make each other better or way way WAY worse

Actually, while we are talking about queerness, let's keep it up for a spell. It isn't explicit, but I personally find the relationship between excitable Kaiju Nerd biologist Dr. Geiszler and choleric stick-in-the mud mathematician Dr. Gottlieb deliciously queer. It could be their impeccable Bernt & Ernie-vibes, as expertly portrayed by Charlie Day and Burn Gorman, respectively, or how they both realize that their goals of understanding the Kaiju requires that they each cede grounds to each other and their respective fields and risk life and limb for each other in an experience that changes them forever. It's not an open-and-shut case as far as I'm concerned, but I like it better when read to be queer, so it's worth a mention.

Before I close, I will indulge in another thing I don't do often. In general I try to avoid arguing with the nitpickers and the plothole brigade of the world because that's an endless drain on my limited mental resources, but there is one particular such plothole that have been bothering me for a while. At a particularly dramatic point in the movie Mako and Raleigh deploys a retractable sword to deal with a flying Kaiju, which, apparently, has the CinemaSins wannabes of the world pipe up shrilly to ask why they didn't use the sword before in the prolonged Kaiju battle that this exceedingly anime move ends.

The interesting part about this plothole is that there are two good answers to it that coexist in my mind. For one, they didn't need it, as the Jaeger's other weapons did just fine, arguably better than a sword would, and in the time before Kaijus coming out two at a time, running out of ammo for the Big Very Sufficient Plasma Cannon just wasn't a problem. For the other, the world building actually explains this one, as the opening exposition montage mentions that the blood of the kaiju is hazardous and the source of some sort of malady nicknamed Kaiju Blue. Now since this is a movie, punching and kicking yields only small amounts of blood, while swords all but exsanguinate people on the first stroke, so better to stick with punches and kicks and the occasional self-cauterizing plasma burn. Now, as to why our heroes didn't deploy The Anime Weapon a bit earlier in the process of being dragged into the stratosphere, I couldn't tell you. I could argue that the added altitude could make the kaiju blood disappate over a wider area and thus prove less of a problem, but odds are good this one's just for dramatic effect, which I'm honestly fine with.

Anyway, to try to wrap this up. If my gushy, infodumping tone wasn't a clear indication, I love Pacific Rim. It's a movie that doesn't try to self-consciously excuse its genre trappings, it goes "yeah, kaiju, you know those, giant robots you know those, let's have some fun with it." Despite being made out of many familiar parts, it's arranged in a fresh and exciting way, and the joyous love the filmmakers show for the source material goes a long way to making it approachable. This is the greatest translation of old nerdy interests into a fresh new IP since Star Wars, and it makes me sad that it didn't transform the industry in a similar way. It's what nerd cinema should have become in the time of global streaming, but alas, the passionless nerd pandering turned out to be easier to make and, probably, more profitable. Alas, what could have been, I suppose. At least we'll always have that kickass Ramin Djawadi soundtrack.

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

[tenthgrove]

I'm not 100% sure if this is allowed because I know your rules say no dub-con so feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable.

How would yandere ls (separate) react to a darling who is convinced they were only taken for sexual purposes? Obviously they're wrong and the boys don't want that but the fear is really getting to them and stopping them from settling into their new life. How would the yanderes earn their trust?

Yandere La Squadra With A Darling Who Mistakes Their Intentions

La Squadra x Reader (GN), Yandere, SFWish

CW: Mentions of sexual abuse (none committed), general mentions of sexual relationships, just in general a lot of dark (if misled) implications

Formaggio- Your shy confession of your fear is a surprise to Formaggio, because as obvious as it seems, he never thought his actions may come off as sexual to you. As far as he's concerned, flirting with you constantly is simple endearment and tying you to the bed is just keeping you comfy while he's gone. Once the words slip from you though he realises immediately what an idiot he's been and it definitely shocks him into some radical change. The bindings go as does the bed-sharing. The flirting stays, but some of the more risqué jokes are dropped until you're more comfortable with them.

Illuso- Another one who doesn't really get what you're afraid of at first, though to be fair it is a bit more justified with him as Illuso gives you your own room and keeps the time spent bothering you to a scheduled moderation. Then again, his pride at having 'convinced the team to hand you over to his care' as well as his love of dressing you up all pretty for him may make for some concerning implications. Once it becomes clear that your fear of his intentions isn't merely transient he tries to bring you round through the first genuine heart to heart he's really had with you so far, as well as some gifts as a peace offering. He'll take note now if you shy away when he asks you to put something on for him.

Prosciutto- Despite his highly chivalrous treatment of you, Prosciutto expects this kind of behaviour as a possibility. He knows how he must have come off to you abducting you so soon after a rejecting love confession, and is eager to make sure you don't get the wrong idea. He very much believes in proving himself through his actions- giving you a separate room to sleep in and free reign of the upstairs, restraining himself heavily when he talks to and touches you, and generally treating you more like a fond guest than a lover despite how badly he wants to. If you tell him you're still afraid, he'll take the hint to back off for a few days, perhaps getting you some entertainment so you can resign yourself to your bedroom where he never treads.

Pesci- Being perhaps too innocent for the life he lives Pesci never considers the sexual implications of what he does to you. When you bring it up he is incredibly distraught that you would think for such a thing, and angry for himself for whatever he did that caused it. His strategy for winning your trust is to remind you heavily that he would never hurt you like that. Scratch that, he would never hurt you at all! He'll remind you of this every time you're looking scared, telling you of all the fun, non-sexual things you can do as a couple instead. He really hopes he can get you to believe him.

Melone- Knowing his general disposition could likely cause such anxieties in you, he sits you down for a long chat very early on to establish where you stand sexually. In short, you're fully invited to ask him for sex whenever you like, but there's no pressure to do anything before you want to. Of course, this may just have the opposite effect of calming you down as it puts the possibility of things getting sexual right to the forefront of your mind. Realising his mistake, Melone re-emphasises the 'no pressure' part and stops occasionally asking whether you think you might want to 'give it a go' yet. He still spends a lot of time around you though, since he sees it as the only way to prove his interests aren't merely sexual

Ghiaccio- Somewhere, swimming around the mass of nerves that came with kidnapping, was the thought that you might take his interest in you to be exploitative, but between everything else it was kind of pushed down. That all changed when you tearfully admitted during an argument what was scaring you so much. He immediately stumbles back, then flees the room. He's never felt so disgusted with himself as now. Once he's calm enough to talk about it, he sits you down and explains unreservedly that he would never ever treat you that way, and if you ever need to tell him to fuck off and stop being a creep, do it. Just as long as you feel safe.

Risotto- Rational and realistic, Risotto knows how you probably interpret the situation and the fact his imposing appearance probably doesn't help. He doesn't bring the issue up by default (though he does indirectly address it through implication with his other descriptions of what your life will be like) but if you ask or seem fearful he will tell you point blank he would never force you to do anything sexually. He's willing to back this up with some changes on the rules, e.g. sleeping on the floor while you take the bed (he still wants to be in the room with you for security reasons) and letting you lock the bathroom from the inside while you're in it.

Sorbet and Gelato- It's pretty par for the course that you'd have these fears with a pair who just kidnap you off the street, and rest assured they're both aware of it. Sorbet does address this while explaining to you what's going to happen, but one reassurance is unlikely to convince you of your safety with men like this. Gelato's teasing promise that they can keep each other satisfied is... probably not as helpful as it was intended to be and the way Sorbet looks at you without spelling out his thoughts can send your mind to the worst conclusions. Once they realise your fears are still present they are quite apologetic, and reiterate their promises not to hurt you. Ultimately though, they know the only cure is time.

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

[sleepycoffins-and-benhargreeves]

Ohhhh!!!! I love how we pretty much agree that Brelly!Ben has Stockholm Syndrome with Klaus 👀❤️❤️❤️

Klaus would so definitely take Ben to orgy parties just to get a rouse outta him. He likes pushing Ben, taking him to the limits and just all around making him uncomfortable. But what Klaus didn't expect though was for Ben to be interested in it, to be intrigued and excited because holy shit, this is what being alive is like right? This is what real people do for fun right?

Like, he's def gonna lie as much as possible that he watches Klaus fuck and orgies have definitely been one of the few things he's watched Klaus do. So the moment Ben actually goes out of his way to find these parties must have scared the shit outta Klaus.

Like, even if Klaus was on the drugs and high as shit, I imagine that if he really tried and worked hard, he can somewhat control Ben's spirit. Like, Ben would feel Klaus pulling him back and he'd probably argue with Klaus about it afterwards, but Klaus would say bullshit like, "I'm high! How the fuck am I supposed to use my powers!?" and Ben would doubt himself and think that maybe he doesn't want to go to orgies, maybe he was reluctant and scared and he was running away and only internally blaming Klaus.

So maybe Ben does apologize about it and they both admit about how uncomfortable it was and Klaus pretty much promises not let Ben see him orgies because they now both feel uncomfortable about it with the other's knowledge. Kinda referencing to S2 when Ben was a little clueless of Klaus' sex life and orgies with his cult.

But ohhhh, with Sparrow!Ben. Oh fucking hell we are def going to see a different side of Klaus here.

Klaus would def take advantage of Ben's lonely and isolated state. Because like you said "no one likes him"

Klaus would on purpose and repeatedly sabotage Ben's connections with people. He'll try to bring their old status quo to the present because now that this Ben is alive, he can easily leave Klaus and not come back They don't have the same bond as he did with Brella!Ben but Klaus can definitely manipulate, heck, maybe even brainwash Ben into thinking that he needs Klaus. Like come on, creating a cult and having hundreds of people follow him takes some sick ass talent and cunning that now that Klaus has Ben, he doesn't need anyone, he only needs to pour a certain amount of energy to make sure that Sparrow!Ben is his.

But now this got me thinking though. Would the other siblings notice Klaus keeping Ben to himself, or worse, realize that Klaus was making Ben dependent on him? Like sure, they think Sparrow!Ben is shit and he's a far cry from their beloved Brelly!Ben, but do you think either one of the siblings would see through it and be like "holy fuck, Klaus is actually fucked up for doing this." or would they instead victim blame and be like "Why the fuck is Ben following Klaus around like this and becoming an even more shittier shit? What the fuck is wrong with him?"

Like, would there be someone out there to actually fuck up Klaus' plans? 👀👀👀👀

How possessive do you guys think Klaus is of Ben bedroom wise?

Like, we all know Klaus is very sexually active and has been known to participate in orgies often. But, if it involved Ben would he allow people to touch and please Ben? Would he be alright with seeing Ben sucking and fucking other people?

Like come on, this is the guy who's so possessive of Ben he couldn't even bear letting his siblings see Ben even when that was all that Ben wanted. When asked, he would repeatedly deny Ben's existance because he doesn't want to share his Ben with them.

Now that Ben's alive again, all flesh and bones with a mind of his own that isn't bound to Klaus, how jealous and possessive do you guys think Klaus would get? Will he intentionally sabotage people who get too close to Ben or will he make sure to make an invisible leash on his brother so that he can still remain his owner?

[glowingbadger]

Threesome with Kaeya and Diluc but none of it is amicable 👀

~ Yes Please ~

One of my biggest struggles with the poly asks I frequently get is that, realistically, a LOT of these characters do NOT have it in them to cooperate- so let's discuss a very uncooperative threesome with two very handsome men.

Kaeya & Diluc x AFAB Reader (neutral pronouns)

Threesome Headcanons

NSFW 18+

- Kaeya's been making sure to flirt openly with you in front of his 'dear brother' as often as possible, only becoming more and more brazen each day. Finally, he tugs you onto his lap as Diluc is closing up Angel's Share for the night, and comments on how perhaps he'll just steal you away for his own tonight~ And Diluc is not having it. He grabs Kaeya by the shirt and growls at him to get out of his sight- but as you scramble to try to de-escalate things, Kaeya just chuckles and says, "Well then, maybe we should both show Y/N what we can do and let them decide. How about it, Diluc? Shall we see how you... measure up?"

- At first, Diluc rebukes the idea entirely, insisting that it's idiotic and childish. Until Kaeya sighs and slides and arm around your waist, and says, "Goodness, no need to make such a fuss- you can simply admit that you're worried you can't satisfy Y/N like I can." And that finally flips the switch in Diluc's mind. He steps forward, tangles his fingers into your hair, and pulls you into an intense, fiery kiss. The sound Kaeya makes almost seems like he's impressed, and he makes no moves to stop Diluc from thrusting his tongue into your mouth until you whimper for him. When he breaks from you, he only says, "The spare room upstairs. Now."

- The moment the two have you on the bed, they're tearing off your clothing like they can't wait a moment longer to get to you. Kaeya teases you with effortlessly sensual kisses while Diluc grinds his stiffening member against you, kissing the along your neck and shoulders. You're barely aware enough to notice, but eventually, Kaeya kisses you while making eye contact with Diluc on your opposite side. As if in reply, Diluc bites at your upper neck hard, sucking a dark, harsh mark onto your skin, high enough that your clothing isn't likely to cover it. But in truth, all you can register is the intense pleasure of strong hands and warm breath and the friction of bodies around you.

- The two spread your legs open as you lay between them and set to work on prepping you. Kaeya's dexterous fingers circle your achingly stiff clit while Diluc pulses two digits inside of your drooling cunt. You pant and gasp for breath, the sensation of your every sweet spot being mercilessly utilized near overwhelming. Kaeya strokes a firm, luxurious path across your clit, and you arch up from the bed, squeezing around Diluc's fingers. He of course pushes into you even harder and deeper in reply. All the while, they each occupy themselves by kissing and biting at your neck, your ears, your chest. Naturally, you're not able to withstand this for long- your legs tremble and you cry out as you cum hard, soaking both men's fingers with your juices.

- Diluc takes you first, with a brusque comment that he "would hate to make you wait any longer to be fully satisfied." The implication is clear, but Kaeya merely chuckles and says, "How like you- always so to-the-point, no appreciation for the fun of anticipation." Regardless, Diluc prowls over you and kisses you deeply as he aligns his hardened cock at your entrance. He pushes in slowly, causing you to arch upward once more, your body tensing with each inch of his thick manhood that enters you. The moment he's fully buried in your warmth, he hooks his arm under your knee and lifts on leg up, spreading you open for him and allowing him to fuck you, deep and steady.

- Never one to be left out of the fun, Kaeya kneels beside you on the bed and presents you with his own throbbing length, which you gladly take in your mouth as Diluc's hips roll and buck into you. Kaeya is gentle when he pumps his cock into your mouth, clearly not interested in reaching your throat, only in the pleasure of having your lips around him as he watches you being fucked by the other man. Strangely, Diluc's cock twitches and swells as he watches you sucking Kaeya off- perhaps it's arousal, or anger, or a mix of both, but something about the sight riles him until he's pounding you so deep you can feel his head hit your core. You've reached at least one more climax by the time Diluc's breath catches and he bends over you, groaning as he shoots out a thick load of cum into you.

- It's hard to imagine you could handle more- but the prospect of taking both of them in one night seems to have seized your reasoning completely. Kaeya eases his cock from your mouth, then carefully directs you to get on top of Diluc. You're a bit confused at first, but obey, resting on the redhead's chest and glancing back as Kaeya positions himself behind you. With both hands, he yanks your backside upward for him, then spreads the lips of your pussy. You hear him groan appreciatively, feel his thumbs trace the curve of your plump lower lips, and then, he's pressing his tip to your opening.

- Kaeya's cock curves upward, the head dragging along over-sensitive nerves as he drives into you to the base. "Thanks ever-so much for warming them up for me, Diluc." he says, and you can hear the smirk he must be wearing. Diluc scowls and holds you close as Kaeya fucks you with expertly sensual movements of his hips. Then, you feel a sting, and realize that Kaeya brought down a hand to slap your ass, causing it to jiggle beautifully around his cock. For a moment, Diluc looks furious, but then he notices the pleasure-dazed look on your face, eyes half-lidded and mouth hanging open.

- Kaeya's pace picks up, his thrusts harsher, and eventually, he's fucking you hard enough to push you down against Diluc's chest. Diluc kisses you, his tongue massaging yours intimately, and you moan into his mouth as your pussy clenches tight around Kaeya's length, and you cum once again. Kaeya's not long to follow- his hands grip your hips almost painfully tight, and he leans over you and groans, "That's right, Y/N, you feel so good-!" Holding you to him until your ass is pressed against his pelvis, his cock pulses with each wave of his cum that he spills into you.

- When he pulls away, the two settle on either side of you, the three of you a panting, very satisfied mess. You're absolutely dripping with their combined release, and nearly dizzy from the evening's onslaught of pleasure. Still, it's not long before Kaeya says, "So, what do you think, Y/N? Who fucks you better?" "Don't be crass- at least let them rest," Diluc scolds him with an exasperated sigh, "If you like anticipation so much, you can spend some time anticipating your rejection." "Oh my, does someone not want to hear the harsh truth?" Kaeya teases in reply, then adds, "Still, Y/N- if you need an encore to make a well-informed decision, then by all means..."

[chuckbass-love]

20,39,42 with Andy Barber?

Hey, lovely anon. First of all i hope you’re doing well and second of all, i thoroughly enjoyed writing this and i hope y’all have a lot of fun reading it. It’s been a hot minute since i last wrote for Andy.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Prompts Used: 

20) “You’d better be quiet or everyone’s going to know what a naughty little slut you are”

39) “I’m so sick of your voice. Why don’t you come over here and put your mouth to better use?”

42) “I guess i’ll just get off all by myself”

Warnings: Smut. Sexual intercourse, vaginal sex, spanking, daddy kink, love making (kinda), arguing, swearing, angst and a sprinkle of fluff for good measure. That’s right, used all 3. 18+ you know the drill.

Word Count: 6,796

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @cassercole go check them out💕

Do You Feel What I Feel?

After a long and interesting weekend, you’re a lot less eager to get back behind your desk to work for Andy Barber than you usually are. One reason in particular being that you’ve been dating other people behind his back. See the thing with you and Andy is that you’ve known him for 2 whole years, worked for him for 1 year and been fucking him since the evening of your very first day. He got you the job to work with him after you got laid off.

You met him after he showed up for one of your seminars at college and he gave a presentation on what it’s like to be a lawyer and you just clicked. But it was strictly platonic...until you showed up on that first day dressed in a knee length skirt, a semi sheer polka dot blouse with stockings and heels. He was shocked to say the least. You looked entirely different and he’d never seen you this way before. It turned him on and he let you know it. 

As you were packing your things away and bidding him goodbye for the day, he called you back into his office and instructed you to lock the door behind you before he began to inform you of the effect you had on him. Starting slowly by telling you how he was taken aback by your ability to think on your feet, use your initiative and then just like that, it all came out and he couldn’t control his hunger much longer. 

He kissed you so hard that night that the breath was knocked from your lungs but you loved it, you yearned for more of that feeling and he fucked you so good that you made it a regular thing, without even realising it was becoming one until it was too late. You’d just show up at each others places without a warning and before you knew it, he was fucking you into the mattress and making you cum with a cry of his name.

Now back to the present... you like Andy, in fact if you’re being truthful with yourself, you’ve fallen so madly in love with him that you know it’s time to quit him. He’s like a drug, an addiction and you need to stop going back for more. Hence why you decided that enough was enough. 

You met a guy online, his name is Ashley and he was more than keen to take you out so you happily obliged and sure you had a nice time but there’s just one issue lying in your way. Andy is unsuspecting of your little date and it’s been eating away at you since said date walked you back to your apartment. You know that you need to tell him but you fear that it’ll cost you your job, he did hire you to help you out after all.

Before you can wallow more in your choice to keep things from him, he calls you into his office and you haven’t even gotten any work done yet, you only sat down 5 minutes ago.

What could he possibly want so early on?

“Yes, Mr Barber?” you ask flirtatiously, making him glare up at you before gesturing for you to take a seat opposite him. Which you do.

“So today i’m gonna need you to file this paper work into the data base for me” he starts, lifting up a pile taller than the length of your forearm and now you’re annoyed for real this time. He knows full well that you’re still finishing off the stack from Friday and yet here he is presenting more work for you to do “get it done by the end of the day” he finishes, flashing you another stone cold glare as he looks back down at the paper on his desk, not even bothering to acknowledge your presence for a second longer.

Until you speak up “Andy, you know i’m still finishing off Frid....”

“That’s Mr Barber to you and you can leave now” his rude and snappy interruption makes you scoff as you shake your head at the tone in his voice, he’s not in any mood today to help you out or make exceptions. So you do as you’re told, hauling the heavy pile into your arms and lugging it back to your desk outside. Once it’s on your desk, you walk back to shut his door before he asks, making sure to slam it harder than needed to make it known that you’re angry with him.

He doesn’t seem to notice or care though.

Now to get started on all of this work that’ll probably mean you staying later tonight, just brilliant. Guess your second date with Ashley will have to be rescheduled.

------------------------

You finish off half of the pile by the time it gets to 1:30pm and you’re due a lunch break round about now so seeing as though Andy hasn’t left his office all day, you decide to pop out for some food with one of the other assistants, Stacey. Thank God you don’t have to face him since you have absolutely no clue what could have possibly rattled his cage this morning to make him snap at you like that. The two of you have always had this ongoing joke of you calling him Mr Barber and he usually allows you to call him by his first name until today when that alone was enough to anger him.

It’s obvious that you’ll have to put off telling him about your date until he’s in a better place to receive the news. You’re hoping that since he’s always been opposed to commitment that he’ll take it well but the halt in your fooling around might annoy him a little. It’s not your problem though, he always knew you were planning to eventually settle down.

Upon your return to your desk you find Andy sat in your chair, looking through your work “where the hell have you been?” he mutters as he avoids your eyes “you know what, don’t even bother making excuses, my office, NOW” you jump out of fear as he raises his voice slightly at you for the first time in the whole 2 years you’ve known him. Your anxious body shuffles into his office, scared of what’s about to happen.

“Was i not clear enough earlier Y/N? Hm? Because i specifically remember asking you to have this work done by the end of the day. You get off at half 4, it’s now half 2 and you’ve only done half. Do i pay you to galavant around town with Stacey or do i pay you to do your goddam job?”

In the 2 years that you’ve known Andy, he’s also never made you cry, yet here you are trying your absolute hardest not to let these tears fall in front of him.

“You pay me to do my job and i’ve tried my best to get it done. I-I’m sorry” you stand there awkwardly, picking at the torn skin around your fingernails as you stare hopelessly at your stilettos. “Well your best isn’t fucking good enough Y/N, try harder. You can stay here until all of the paperwork is done and that includes Friday’s load too now close the door on your way out”

Is he actually serious? He can’t be, surely. What is wrong with him?

“No” you stand tall, hands on your hips as you talk back and if he was angry before then now he’s livid with you “What do you mean no?” he questions, stepping towards you, hands in his pockets as he awaits your answer.

“I said, no. Just because you’re in a bad mood for whatever reason does NOT mean that you get to stand here and humiliate me. I said no and that’s final. I’ll do my best to get today’s work done before i leave but Friday’s work can wait and i don’t care what nasty comment you have in store to throw back at me”

His face screws up as he clenches his jaw again, you should feel really scared right about now, that comment might have just cost you this job but you don’t care. If that’s the case then you’ll walk out of here proud of yourself along with one less so called friend in your life.

“Bad mood? I’m furious and you don’t even know the half of it” he picks his phone up, tapping a couple times before handing it to you and walking back to his desk to sit down. You watch the clip in his camera roll, squinting as you try to make out the faces in it and then you realise that it’s you and Ashley. Fuck. He was there that night at your apartment, he was obviously coming to see you and you didn’t even know it. He must have seen you with another man and changed his mind. You feel awful as you look back at him, he just sighs once you place the phone onto his desk.

“Andy, i-i”

“Save it. If you wanted to cut our little deal off then you shoulda just said. I don’t appreciate being lied to Y/N and i don’t fancy talking about it with you for a minute longer so just do as your fucking told and get back to work”

All you can do is turn around and walk away since you’ve done enough damage already. But all you can think about is the look on his face after you watched the incriminating clip. He looked sad, broken even and it’s replaying in your brain over and over. Torturing you. 

This is why he’s been so nasty today, so demanding and harsh. He’s hurt that you lied to him, hurt that you were with someone else, even if it was just dinner. You still arranged a date with another man and went and what Andy has never wanted to admit before, not even to himself is that he really likes you. In fact no, he’s fallen madly in love with you. 

Every waking moment of his life is spent with you on his mind. You even corrupt his dream world too and it’s gotten out of control. Saturday he decided it was time to cut your little deal off and start over. He was going to do it right, confess his feelings, ask you on a date and then take you out and treat you like a princess.

Ever since he laid his blue eyes on you that first time when he was doing the presentation in your class at college, he liked you. You asked so many questions, engaged a lot in the debates and he knew then that you were going to play an important role in his life. And you have. You became close friends, going out regularly and doing things like bowling and eating dinner together more than a handful of times. He enjoyed your company and you enjoyed his but there was this unspoken rule that you had to remain just friends. He wasn’t ready for anything serious and you were still not over your ex.

But then when you walked through his office door on your first day dressed in that skirt, those heels and stockings and lets not forget about that blouse. He was trying his hardest not to drool. One things for sure though, he was painfully hard for you.

When he came to your apartment Saturday and saw you outside your door with some preppy douchebag who was around your age, he felt this lump in his throat form as his heart ached. Sure he expected you to get a man eventually after all you are 24 and he’s in his 30’s. But he didn’t expect it to happen so soon. He also didn’t expect you to have such an effect on him the way you have but here he is, angry at you for moving on without telling him and angry that you aren’t his anymore. 

He feels bad for shouting at you today, for being so harsh with his words. He could see the tears pooling in your eyes right away but he was too pissed off to stop and now he’s almost certain that any friendship the two of you had is gone for good thanks to his vile actions.

Another 2 hours tick by and you’re still working at your pile, you’ve still got a lot left being that he’s included Friday’s in your load too. It’s going to be a long night so you pick your phone up and call Ashley.

“Ashley hey, it’s uh, it’s Y/N. Listen, i have to work late today so i won’t be able to make it” you announce and as he responds, Andy opens his door but you don’t notice.

“Rain check? Uh...” you trail off, trying your hardest to decide if you even want to see him again. It’s like you’re torn. On one hand you have Andy, your dream man. A man who knows your body like the back of his hands and a man who can more than likely take care of you if you just took a leap and told him about your feelings but then on the other hand you have Ashley. A guy who is your age and who makes you laugh a hell of a lot. Before you can even decide though, you hear a cough behind you. It’s Andy.

“Ashley can i call you back? It’s just now’s not really a good time, i have a lot of work to get done”

You hang up the phone as your eyes are locked onto Andy’s and the moment your phone is placed back onto your desk he wraps his large hand around your wrist, lifting you up off your chair and tugging you into his office. You watch as he locks the door behind him before going back to sitting behind his desk.

“You gonna see him again?” he asks, jaw clenched.

“I-I uh, i don’t know. I’m a little torn right now” your eyes settle on his plump pink lips, wanting nothing more than to bite down on his bottom one as you sink down onto his cock but you’re dirty thoughts come to a staggering halt as he speaks. “Torn with what? You like him right?” why is he asking you these things? Is he trying to torture himself with the details.

“Yes i mean no i mean I don’t know. I like him but i don’t think i can date him”

“How come?”

“Because i like someone else, in fact i love someone else”

Andy feels his heart sink further as more cracks appear threatening to shatter it completely. You love someone else and now he’s truly out of the game.

Rage works it’s way back into his body and he can’t help but take it out on you “did you sleep with him? Huh? Did the douche bag get to fuck that tight cunt of yours?”

At first you find him funny, laughing as you look around the room, anywhere but his eyes but then your own rage sets in.

“Not that it’s any of your business but no, he didn’t. We had dinner and that’s it” you state, matter of factly as you place your hands back onto your hips..

“Bullshit”

“Is that what you really think of me Andy? You think i’d just give it up to any guy that even looked my way. Wow, i knew you were a lot of things but vicious was definitely not one of them and what’s that i smell? Is it jealousy? Surely not.” you tut, shaking your head “I don’t think i even know you at all by the looks of things if you thought lying to me was better than being honest and trust me, i’m not jealous in the slightest, in fact i pity you. It’s your sex life that will suffer” he doesn’t falter for even a second as he stares you down and just as he anticipated, you’re the first one to break, looking away from him. You can’t help the way your heart starts to race from all of the fury filling up your body. How dare he.

“I was only keeping it from you until i found the right time to tell you. And don’t you dare think for one second that just because we’ve slept together that you have any right to comment on my sex life. You made it perfectly clear that monogamy wasn’t your thing so don’t be mad when i finally want to move on from being someone’s fuck buddy” you spit, heat rising to your cheeks as you realise what you just said. Fuck.

“I’ll comment on whatever i fucking want to so quit the bitching and yeah, i don’t do commitment but i sure as hell wouldn’t be with you even if i did”

You don’t respond to him this time, there’s no quick comeback to fire his way, no insult that could mean you having the upper hand again. Nothing is left but shock and disappointment. He really said that, he really played on your biggest insecurity. He played on it and used it to his advantage, to get the upper hand and win the argument.

“What? Got nothing to say?” he snorts, smug grin on his face. Watch his smile disappear now...

“I love you, Andy” you finally get the words out and you feel as if you’re going to choke on them and die right here in his office. Cause of death, unrequited love.

“W-what?” he’s practically speechless, his words barely audible.

“I’m so madly in love with you and i have been for a while now. But i continued to shut my feelings out and reject other guys because i came to the realisation that having you in any way that i could would be enough for me even if it meant that i couldn’t have you in the way that i’ve always wanted. But none of this matters now, right? Because you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel and where you stand. You wouldn’t date me even you did date and that’s fine but at least now both our cards are on the table”

He looks up at you, using his index finger to force you to look back at him and when you do, he looks so deep into your eyes almost as if he’s attempting to see into your soul. Like he’s trying to search for any signs of dishonesty.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Instead of going out with other guys you shoulda told me and been honest about it?” is all he can say and that’s the last response you expected but what catches you off guard the most is how he said it, almost like he was hurt and relieved simultaneously.

“Andy, you’re my boss and you made it clear that you didn’t want a relationship” he has absolutely no right to lecture you about honesty when he’s spent the entire time he’s known you blabbering on about how the single life is better for him and how he’d hate to be tied down again. You roll your eyes as you move away from him when he attempts to move closer.

Silence falls upon the two of you and it seems never ending, leaving you no choice but to leave. The moment you turn around to walk away he’s on his feet too “where are you going?” the tone his voice makes it sound as though he’s pleading for you to stay without actually saying the words.

“I’m going back to my desk to do my fucking job, just like you told me to do earlier” you turn back around but just as you expected, he stops you “look. I’m sorry, okay. I was just mad that you”

“Mad about what? That i went out on a date? I’m a single woman Andy and despite our little deal, i don’t belong to you so you have no right to be mad at me for doing what any other single person does”

He bites down on his bottom lip as he runs his fingers through his perfectly styled locks, messing them up instantly “God, you’re so fucking infuriating”

“I’m infuriating? You really are clueless to your own behaviour aren’t you? I just told you that i love you and you still haven’t told me if you feel the same. So i think that says it all, don’t you?” you stop yourself before continuing your rant, trying your hardest to prevent something worse slipping out. Right now in your state, you’re bound to say things that you don’t mean and will later regret. “you know what, i think i’m gonna take the work load home and complete it there. I’ll see you tomorrow, if i still have a job that is” you raise your brows at him, praying he doesn’t fire you for your attitude alone. But to your surprise he doesn’t.

“You really think that low of me? That i’d ever fire you because of what’s going on between us outside of this office? Wow” he leans back on his desk and his shoulders drop as he slumps over, looking down at his large calloused hands.

“It’s what i assumed would happen. You’re really gonna pretend like you don’t want me gone after today?”

“I don’t, believe it or not. But i have no time to deal with this discussion any longer, i have to leave early today” he says as he goes back to sitting behind his desk again and turning his computer back on “i don’t expect you to stay any longer, you can take that work home and finish it after your date” he mutters the last few words, pulling a face as if they make him sick.

“Really? We’re back to that again. God i’ve had it with you” you spit, biting down on the inside of your cheek before strutting over to the door but his hand stops you before you even get yours on the lock.

“Let me go Andy. I don’t even want to look at you, let alone be stuck in a room with you” harsh, but in this moment it’s true. He’s done nothing but upset you all day long and even after your stupid decision to confess your love for him, he’s still doing it. You feel so defeated right now that you can’t take another second of his shit.

“Just one more thing and then you’re free to go and fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. How many guys have you been on dates with since we started hooking up?” the desperation is evident in his eyes as they pierce into yours, searching again but this time for the answers before you can even open your mouth to give them to him “one. It was only one date on Saturday night with Ashley” and that’s the truth. You would never repeatedly date behind his back, this was a one off. A one off you’re regretting more as the seconds tick by.

An awkward silence falls upon the two of you once more as he walks back over to his desk, pacing next to it and creating a draft. “Are you planning to see him again?” and he’s back with more questions. Why does he care so much?

He clearly doesn’t love you too otherwise he’d have said it once you confessed your feelings for him. Instead he left you looking like the biggest joke ever, the clown. And you feel so mortified for even believing he’d say it back.

Silly little Y/N, always catching feelings for men who don’t feel the same way back. You’re starting to feel as though you’ll never find someone.

But still his behaviour has you second guessing him. Maybe he does like you and that’s why he’s acting so hurt.

“Maybe i will, after all i am single. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it Andy?” you know full well that you’re pushing down hard on his buttons and you can see his cheeks turn red as his knuckles turn white from his tight grip on the side of the table.

“What you don’t like that? You don’t like the thought of me on top of Ashley, sinking down onto his cock as he touches my body and kis -”

Out of nowhere he interrupts you, slamming his fist down onto his desk “dammit, Y/N, what is it with you? Trying to make me jealous? Because i’ve had just about enough of you running your mouth” he pulls one of the chairs out, falling into it and spreading his legs “In fact. I’m so sick of your voice. Why don’t you come over here and put your mouth to better use? Huh? Maybe then you’ll shut up about that fucking douche bag” he is jealous, it’s so obvious to you now. He’s jealous of Ashley, jealous of the possibility of him spending time with you and he hates the thought of someone stealing you away from his tight grasp.

You can’t quite believe your ears or your eyes as he spreads his legs further, grazing his hand over the tent in his dress trousers and you can’t help the gulp that follows.

“Andy”

“Shhh, enough talking. I don’t have it in me anymore to argue with you, just come here” he insists but you stand your ground “no. i can’t keep going round and round in circles with you with absolutely no end in sight and with no hope for you to reciprocate how i feel. I’m sorry but i’m leaving”

Yet again, as expected, he clears his throat “fine. I guess i’ll just get off all by myself”

Like they always do around Andy, your legs turn to jelly and your eyes glaze over along with your better judgement being clouded by x rated thoughts of him railing you. The idea of him touching himself, working his hand expertly around his girthy cock causes arousal to flood your panties. How dare your body betray you like this. How dare your mind do the same. It’s not fair that every time you think you have the upper hand and the dominance, he comes along, snatching it away from you and proving you wrong.

You have absolutely no idea why you’re about to do what you’re about to do other than the fact that your body gravitates toward him like a magnet and it’s out of your control.

So without a second longer to fester or overthink, you spin around on your heels, charging towards him. Andy watches in awe as you drop to your knees and make quick work of his belt. Once you free his cock from the confines of his black Calvin Kleins and into your small hand you spot the droplets of precum oozing out of the slit on his red bulbous head. You look up at him through your eyelashes, batting them as you give the tip a couple of kitten licks before spitting all over his shaft and pumping him agonisingly slow.

“Fuck” he groans, rolling his eyes back as he grips the arm rests on the chair when you take him into your mouth “attagirl, sucking daddy’s cock like a fucking pro” his hands grip your face as he continues to watch you go to work, making a mess of yourself as you gag around him,

You don’t bother to issue a warning before taking all of him in your mouth, all the way down to his balls over and over. Making sure to hollow out your cheeks as you bob your head up and down, your tongue licking the underside of him as your hands grasp his balls. He starts bucking his hips up, attempting to fuck your mouth but you push him back down as a whole batch of unholy sounds that only you can elicit from him fall from his perfect lips, the sounds that are so loud and downright filthy that he has no option but to cover his mouth with his hand, biting down one of his thick digits to keep from exposing himself to his unsuspecting colleagues outside.

He soon pulls you off and you do so with a pop. He forces you to look up at him, his hand grabbing your cheeks and squeezing aggressively “no matter what undeserving boys you go out on a date with, no matter who flirts with you. You’re mine, always have been and always will be” he moves you to straddle his lap before he stands up to move the two of you to the couch.

“So no more dates princess, no more other guys. Because i’m the only one who gets to have you. Is that clear?” he cocks his brow up at you and you nod in response before mumbling a quick “yes” to satisfy his need for confirmation and assurance.

He lifts your knee length dress up to your stomach before he gets to touching you, squeezing at your ass cheeks a little too hard for your liking but you secretly love the way he gets so rough with your body, the way he smacks both ass cheeks repeatedly until you wince from how sore he’s made you.

“God, these clothes drive me crazy. Ever since that first day i met you, i’ve wanted you and when you started working here, i was so desperate to fuck you as you wore these stockings and these heels. You’re so fucking hot, princess and you have no idea how crazy you drive me when you bend over, shoving this ass in my face”

He starts to kiss your neck, sloppy open mouthed kisses on the spot that has your back arching as you grip onto the back of his neck to steady yourself. He’s working you up all the more, turning the pool in your panties into a river. You’re dripping wet for him, desperate for him to just fuck your greedy pussy, desperate to clench down around his cock as he pounds into you.

“You’ve done it before Andy. Many times in fact”

His kisses halt as he smirks at you, that devilish look in his eyes. It always drives you wild “do it again, please, i need it” you beg pathetically and much to your surprise, he does exactly that. He takes your panties, tugging them to the side and playing with your soaked core a little as well as touching your bundle of nerves. You whine into the crook of his neck as you urge him to hurry before he eventually pulls his pants further down his legs to position himself at your entrance better. You don’t even have time to breathe before he’s knocking the air from your lungs as he fucks himself to the hilt inside of you.

The way his pace continues to pick up until it’s rendering on animalistic is causing you to let out the loudest and sexiest sounds, it’s like music to his ears but he can’t have anyone hearing this. He flips the two of you over so that you’re below him, your legs pushed back to your head and you hold them in place. His hand covers your mouth as he slides himself back in, not making any effort to start slow “you’d better be quiet or everyone’s going to know what a naughty little slut you are” he continues with rough snaps of his hips as he fucks into you with reckless abandon and causing the sweet music you make to vibrate onto his hand.

“Yeah, like this? Like the way i fuck this pretty little cunt?”

Thrust

“Bet his cock couldn’t even touch what mine does to you, the way you cry out for more and scream my name every time. The way i can make you cum with just my words and my fingers. God, such a dirty little girl for me, ain’t that right, princess?”

Satisfied hums follow his questions along with a frantic nod as you feel the coil tightening in your stomach, like a knot twisting and pulling, you’re so unbelievably close that you can almost taste the impending orgasm. “Don’t make a fucking sound when i move my hand, okay?” again you nod in response and he moves his hand, smiling down at you with adoration in his eyes before moving his hand to your aching sex. His fingers pressing down onto your bundle of nerves, rubbing firm circles on it and as soon as your walls flutter around him, he knows your close.

“Gonna cum, huh? Gonna make a mess all over my cock? My filthy girl, go on baby, cream all over me”

Just like that, along with his permission you let everything go, allowing yourself to really feel the pleasure. Your walls flutter around him again and again and each time he pulls out of you he spots your juices as they cover his cock beautifully. The sight alone has his hips snapping harder, the sound of his skin slapping against yours bounces off of the walls in his office and you accidentally let out a lewd moan that he swallows with his kiss as you wrap your legs around him to pull him closer “cum for me daddy” your encouragement sends his entire world spinning as his thrusts stagger. 

His cock jolts inside of you, twitching like crazy before his cream fills you up deliciously, painting your walls in thick ropes. You arch your back as your arms wrap around his neck. You need to feel his lips on yours.

He kisses you so hard that your teeth clash, making the two of you chuckle into each others mouths before attempting again. This time his tongue forces it’s way past your lips, battling with yours as he rides the two of you through your dramatic and intense highs.

Once his hips still and he pulls out, he flops down next to you. The two of you are nothing but a panting mess. Chests rising and falling along with your erratic heart beats.

“I love you too” he confesses, making you gasp as you turn your head to look at his spent body, the way his eyes meet yours and tears pool in them has your eyes doing the same.

“Andy”

“I’m not finished. I’ve felt this connection with you since the day i first met you, it caught me completely off guard. When we made the deal for it to be just friends, i was upset. I wanted a lot more but i know i wasn’t ready just yet. But the way you’d draw out laughter from me that no one else has ever been able to and the way you’d boss me around only made my feelings grow. Then we fucked and it was like confirmation to me that i was well and truly screwed. But i kept coming back for more because it was like an addiction, i had to have you in any way that was possible and if sex was the only way then i’d have stayed single forever just to keep you close. I’d have done anything to be able to hold your body and kiss your neck and make you feel good. If doing that as just your fuck buddy was the only way then so be it. But i got to a point where just fucking you wasn’t enough. I wanted something real with you. So on Saturday-” before he can even finish you sigh, sitting up.

“You came to tell me how you felt? Andy, why didn’t you just say that earlier?” you don’t know how to feel right now. You’re so consumed by emotions that your head is spinning. One one hand you’re angry, annoyed and upset that he kept this from you and didn’t just tell you he felt the same when you confessed how you felt. But then on the other hand you’re relieved and happy that he does feel the same. This was never some unrequited love, it’s always been reciprocated and real. 

All the lingering stares you’d catch, all of the compliments thrown your way and the insults hurled at random guys who’d ogle you whenever you were out in public with him or whenever another guy at work would take an interest.

“I saw you with that guy Y/N and i broke down. Then today, i expected you to come in and talk to me about it but instead you sat down at your desk, acted normal and didn’t say a word. I was hurt that you’d keep this from me. I know we both felt these things and i know both of us were unaware of the feelings being reciprocated but you still didn’t tell me you’d even thought about seeing other people and i guess i just expected more from you, more honesty”

He’s right. You don’t have it in you to argue because he’s right. He might have had his reasons for hiding his true feelings but you hid your date from him and that’s a lot worse. How was he supposed to just come out with it when all he could think of was you with Ashley.

“You’re right. I was wrong, i didn’t even think about the effect it would have and i was selfish. To tell you the truth i only went out with that guy because i was trying to move on from you, i didn’t want to keep feeling this strongly with no possibility of you feeling the same so i did the first thing i knew to do, date some other guy”

Andy can’t say he isn’t relieved to hear you admit that preppy college boy means nothing to you but it’s bitter sweet, you saying that you thought your feelings were one sided so you wanted to move on to avoid getting hurt further makes him hurt too. You’ve always meant more to him than just some friendship or some steamy sex. You’re the first woman he’s even looked twice at since Laurie and that means a whole lot more than you’ll ever know or understand.

“So what now?” you ask, puppy dog eyes showing as you await his response.

“I know it’s a bit backwards but how about a date tomorrow?”

God, he really is so handsome, so sweet. His deep and raspy chuckles make you giggle along with him as you straddle him once again, crashing your lips to his, his beard scratching at your face just the way you like.

He pulls away for a second “is that a yes?” once more you shake your head, tutting at him “a thousand times yes, Mr Barber. Yes i’ll go out with you” he wraps his arms around you as he pulls you flush against his suit clad torso, kissing you eagerly and smiling into it. He finally got the girl.

---------------------------------

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[butterysalt]

Fun | Sherlock x platonic!Reader

Pairing: Sherlock x platonic!gender neutral reader

Request ( @a-paper-cut​ ): 

Word Count: 2,202

Contains: Mentions of child abduction, platonic fluffiness and banter :)

A/N: AAAAAAA thank you so much, lovely! This was my first request and I was SUPER excited to write it hehe. I’ve been on a slight creative block lately and I enjoyed writing this so much. I hope this fic does justice for what you wanted and I hope that you are doing amazingly 🧡🧡

It was an early, snowy winter morning in London. You and Sherlock Holmes have been mind-boggled by a puzzling case for the past week. The detective proposed that the two of you go on a walk to allow some fresh air in the brains again. This suggested that even his extensive mind palace and composing weren’t helping the genius. Not that you were complaining about sharing a nice stroll with Sherlock. It had been years after all since you two had spent any casual time together. Like what people normally did in their free time, anyway.

The two of you stepped side by side, feet planting in the thin sheet of snow on the ground in unison. You grinned a little at the matched body language. You and Sherlock always had special ways to subtly communicate with one another. It was like a part of your minds were connected.

“Anything yet?” the tall brunette questioned. Your lip twitched upward. “Don’t rush the process, Sherlock. Just enjoy the moment. Live in it a little.” Sherlock’s long drawl could be heard next to you. His walking strides were growing longer as his patience began to thin out. You could practically hear the subtle gnawing of his teeth.

“We’ve only been walking 5 minutes,” you flouted, “Loosen up a bit.” Sherlock snickered to himself, messing with his gloved hands. “You’re already trying to read me?”

“You’re walking like you’ve got a stick up your arse. It’s clear you’re agitated,” you jested. The curly-haired detective sneered at you and kicked a clump of ice out of the way. “I can’t think, Y/n. We have potential homicide to solve and we’re here drudging in the snow.”

“Remember, this was your idea, genius. Unless you can come up with something else, this is all we’ve got.” Sherlock went silent, chewing the inside of his cheek. His mind wandered to try and come up with something snarky to throw at you. Perhaps a witty comeback that would leave you in doubt. The headache he was dealing with was enough to strike him in his train of thought. He shook it off and his focus returned to the matter of urgency. Unsolved case.

Sherlock lifted his face to the sky, blowing a hot cloud of breath into the chilly London air. He tugged his scarf a little closer to his neck, shoving his gloved hands down into his thick coat. The breath cloud was a common habit of Sherlock’s during cold weather. It mimicked the effect of blowing cigarette smoke, just without the tar and nicotine. Fortunately, the only time the detective abused drugs anymore was when cases had him horribly stumped; thanks to you and John’s efforts, his drug use was much more controlled now.

“Five missing children. All between the ages of 7 and 9. We know that the connection is tied to their private schools. Three different religious private schools within a 10 kilometer radius — so, fairly close together. The parents reported their children coming home with expensive gifts from a mysterious donor shortly before they went missing. They referred to the perpetrator as ‘Ray’. Anyone handing out shiny trinkets to naive children is either a philanthropist or a predator. I’d like to bet on the latter.”

You sighed, mentally reviewing all of the evidence from the case in your head. “But all of the children knew basic safety protocols: don’t talk to strangers, never accept anything from strangers, the whole package. Their parents are terribly traditional. They never would have let any of them see the light if they broke any of those rules. So the chances are near impossible that they would have fallen for such typical child abduction tricks.”

“Near impossible, L/n. That means there’s still a possibility and possible is all we need to screw this up,” Sherlock tutted. He blew another large cloud of air, shaking some light snow off his curls. You frowned, “The suspects. We’ve interrogated the popes, teachers, parents… who are we missing?”

Sherlock stopped walking. You turned to check up on him, finding him with his eyes shut. “Maybe we’re asking the wrong questions…”

“Of course we’re asking the wrong questions! We have all the pieces in our hands but no instructions, Sherlock. We’re running in circles with this case,” you walked over to a public railing, leaning against it and looking out across the long white blanket that stretched to the horizon.

He joined your side shortly after, bending down to pick up some rocks to toss down the snowy hill and watch as they made skinny trails in the frosty powder. Sherlock sighed out, exasperated and worn out. “We’re not getting anywhere by mulling over it, are we?”

You smiled at him and shook your head. You pulled your coat a little tighter around yourself. “That’s why I’m here to keep you in check. It’s good to get some air, you know? Christ knows when’s the last time you did that simply because you wanted to.”

Sherlock’s eyebrow perked up and he faced you with a blank expression. “How do you mean?” Your eyes widened a little, unsure of how you should pick out your next words. “Well… you know, you don’t exactly, uh…” Nervously, your eyes flicked up to his. He was watching your expression very carefully.

“You don’t spend a lot of time for yourself,” you said simply. Sherlock frowned in disagreement. “I spend a lot of time by myself. I thought you knew me better than that,” he teased.

You rolled your eyes, leaning your back against the cold railing now, crossing your arms. “In your mind palace, Sherlock. I mean you don’t do things you enjoy.”

“Who said I don’t enjoy things?” he countered your query. You found yourself forming a cold sweat, debating on how to deliver your message. “Hobbies?”

“Violin.”

“Meh. Parties?”

“You disturb me.” Your best friend’s disgust made you cackle. “See, that’s my point! You don’t know how to have fun anymore. What happened to old Sherlock?”

Now this was a personal offense against Sherlock. “What? You don’t think I’m fun?” Sherlock sounded incredibly appalled by your claim. A hot cloud of air rose to the sky when you scoffed.

“Holmes, you are probably the farthest thing when it comes to the definition of fun!”

“Well, probability-wise, that’s highly improbable when Mycroft exists.”

“His poshness makes up for it. You’re just irritating.” Sherlock puffed out his red cheeks, nudging you playfully. “Oh, come on. You must admit that I’m at least an interesting character?”

You pondered in fake thought, scrunching your face together. “Interesting is debatable. Fun? That’s foreign territory, Sherlock.” The tall man grimaced deeply at your bluntness that he clearly had issues with. “What do you mean by ‘Old Sherlock’? What was good about the ‘old me’? I consider myself much more refined in the present day.”

Old memories of the two of you hanging out with one another as teenagers came back to you. A smile melted on your face from the warm feelings of nostalgia, the chilliness from the snowfall leaving your body.

“You used to prank Mycroft all the time. Everything was always a competition with you and me; we would go from racing down the neighborhood to reach my house first or rush to finish homework and claim the telly before the other could. Oh! We would always make up fake cases, too, trying to entertain a mystery that didn’t even exist,” you laughed to yourself, “Look at us now.”

Sherlock grumbled at the reminder of your old shenanigans. He wasn’t always the fondest of his younger self. But he had to admit he was reckless, even as a child. It was a simpler time and kids didn’t have much to fret or fear.

“Now you’re all enigmatic and stoic with your flipped up coat collar and scary cheekbones. The difference is so disappointing, it’s sickening,” you gagged. Sherlock slipped off his glove and jabbed his freezing hand against your neck, making you exclaim at the coldness and shove him backward. He wore a victorious smirk at your suffering. You pointed a hard finger at him, holding back your own laughter to prove a point.

“NO, that’s not being fun, Sherlock. That’s torture- sadism! You’re just an arse!” He threw his arms in the air, tossing his glove in your face. “It’s subjective! I can be fun,” he insisted.

“You’re predictable, Holmes. You don’t remember what good humor is and it shows in your actions. You pick everything up from books and telly. You can’t surprise me anymore,” you declared. Sherlock’s expression contorted into shock as he stared at you in disbelief. You had left the great Sherlock Holmes baffled. The silence was deafening — music to your ears.

When you thought you were winning this argument, a special glint quickly shone in Sherlock’s eyes. Your expression dropped and then you were pushed backward. There was no railing behind you anymore to catch you.

As you were falling, you naturally grasped for something to hold on to. In this case, Sherlock’s coat. The evil smirk on his face was immediately replaced with shock then fear as he was crashing hard into you. Gravity did the rest of the work. With the momentum you had already begun, dragging Sherlock down with you was one of the worst possible outcomes of the situation. A crude curse slipped past his lips and both of you latched onto each other because there was nothing else to brace with.

What was initially meant to be a playful fall down the snowy hill turned into a rolling battle full of frantic thrashing and screaming as both of your bodies thumped and tangled with each other. The two of you occasionally bounced a few inches off the ground and crashed back into the ground, knocking the breath out of both of you. The wild human avalanche down the hill was finally put to a stop when you rolled into a tree. With a loud OOMPH, you and Sherlock flopped into the ground, groaning and croaking in pain. Neither of you moved for the first passing moments, unable to process what just happened.

Your fall was broken when you landed on top of Sherlock, his body sprawled out in the cold snow, rasping heavily. Some snow fell off your form and your arms shook as you propped yourself up, no longer caring about the fact that you applied all the pressure in your friend’s ribs.

“You alright, mate?” you panted, checking up on Sherlock, eyes analyzing him for any serious injuries.

“You take my breath away.” You sputtered and shook your head at his ridiculous humor. “Aren’t you just romantic?” He squinted his eyes and flashed a sarcastic smile but groaned out, “No, really. Please get off my chest.”

“Oh God, sorry,” you scrambled off of him and he rolled over into the snow, gasping for air as he clutched his side in pain. You punched him in the shoulder. “You bloody twat, Sherlock Holmes! Pushing me down a hill by Jove’s sake!”

“I remember it being much more fun when we were younger,” he grunted out, pushing himself onto his forearms. And just then, his eyes burst wide open. His face slack-jawed as his brain computed at top speed. He was onto something.

“Sherlo-”

“FUN, Y/n,” he articulated, scrambling over to you and grabbing you by the shoulders. You stiffened and backed away, startled by his abrupt realization. 

“Oh, Y/n, you are brilliant! This is why we work together!”

“What?! What are you-”

“The kids were abducted because they were having fun! ‘Ray’ is Remus Stooge, another private school kid in the area. The Stooge family owns several of the land plots around this corner of London and they’re the ones funding all three schools — The Stooge’s are plenty wealthy. The children were going to Remus’s home, ditching class time to get a personal house tour of his daddy’s money. The fancy car rides, luxurious delights, shiny sneakers and tailored clothing… Who wouldn’t pass up on an opportunity like that? It only makes sense why they were lured in so easily! Their rich best pal Remus has been the one inviting them right into the trap!”

“What- Sherlock! Where is this all coming from?! How do you even-”

“Trust me, Y/n!! I have it figured out- It all makes sense!” he interjected again. The look on your faces was bizarre. You tossed a handful of snow at him as he blocked it with his hands. “NO?? It doesn’t! This is so sudden-”

Sherlock was on his feet in an instant, brushing off the powder from his coat and yanking you up. His eyes were gleaming with excitement. “We have to go tell Lestrade, now! Call John and get over to the Stooge’s place!”

“To arrest the kid?!”

“No, the butler!” He grabbed your gloved hand and dragged you up the steep white hill. You shook your head wildly, “Holmes, you better have a bloody good explanation for this in the cab or there will be hell to pay.” Sherlock smirked triumphantly and squeezed your hand.

“Come, L/n! The game is on!”

Requests are open! <3

[high-functioning-lokipath]

All About Eavesdropping - Loki x Reader - Words: 1,835

“You want us to what?” You yelled. 

“I need you and Elsa here to go to Greenland for about a month,” Tony said. You stared at him from across his worktable in his lab. 

“Why in Valhalla would we need to do that, Stark?” Loki retorted. “And don’t call me Elsa.” Tony had called the two of you in there right after breakfast saying that he had a very important job for you. This, however, did not seem to be all that special.

“For purely scientific purposes, of course,” He replied, mouthful of blueberries.

“And those would be?” You sighed, facedesking. 

“The new winter stealth suits I designed. I need them tested in the field. I’ve run as many lab tests as possible but,” Tony shrugged. “Field tests are absolutely necessary. Everything you’ll need is either in these boxes or in the house in Greenland. If you want to take any other personal stuff you’ll want to grab it before you leave.”

“And you think we’re the best for the job?” You asked.

“He’s already a popsicle so if it gets too cold he can deal with it and you can heal yourself or him anyway,” Tony said like it was the most logical thing in the world. Loki tensed at his words but didn’t say anything about it.

“Fine,” Loki grunted. He grabbed the box Tony had marked for him and headed for the doors. 

“You leave at 6! Don’t be late!” 

“I wouldn’t dare disappoint you, Stark,” Loki sassed before finally stalking out. 

“Have fun!” Tony grinned at you, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“First of all, perv. Second of all, ain’t gonna happen!” You replied. “Why are you doing this? This whole thing is a direct attack on a part of him he doesn’t like to address!” 

“Well I figured he has to grow up one day and deal with it. We all have inner demons to fight. I figured I’d help him.”

“A bit not good there, Sherlock.” Tony snorted in laughter and shook his head. 

“Would you rather I send him with Steve?” Your eyes widened comically.

“Nope!” You exclaimed, popping the p. “I think we’ll do just fine.” You grabbed your box and headed out as well.   

By 6 o'clock, the two of you were flying out on one of Tony's jets. "So, what do you think of the new suits?" You asked Loki, trying to make some conversation.

"They are no match for true Asgardian leather and would be greatly improved by at least a cape," He replied sounding rather bored. 

"Oh," You said. "How exactly are we to be testing the suits again? I forget what Tony said."

"He said nothing, darling. It was all in his infernal little packet." You blushed lightly at the pet name and nodded. 

"Alright, well, I guess I'm just going to," You paused, unsure of what to do. It was obvious Loki was not interested in conversation but there wasn't much to do on the jet. "I'm just going to sit over there," You said, getting up quickly and moving to the other side of the jet. The rest of the flight was quiet, Loki only speaking up to alert you that you were about to land. 

"Surely the man of iron could not possibly want us to stay here," Loki said, getting out and seeing the small house.

"Maybe it's bigger on the inside," You said hopefully. Gathering your few things, you both headed in. "Oh this is so much worse," You groaned. The large main room consisted of the dining and living rooms and the kitchen. However, it was very sparsely decorated. You could see a stack of groceries in the kitchen along with a note. Loki wandered off to explore the bathroom and bedrooms, you assumed, while you read the note. 

"Find anything of interest?" Loki called out, surprising you.

"Just that Tony said if we didn't like the food or somehow ran out there's a grocery store about 10 miles away."

"And just how does he expect us to go there?" Loki yelled, getting increasingly frustrated. 

"The note says our transportation is out back." You walked down the small hallway to the back door and looked outside. Stifling a laugh you called out, "Hey, Loki! I think your ex is here!"

"My who?" Loki replied, very confused. "I have no 'exes', as you call them, on Midgard." You smirked and moved aside so Loki could look. When he saw what was in the backyard, a strange look crossed over his face. "Run," He said in a dangerously calm voice. 

"I beg your pardon?" You replied.

"Run if you don't want to lose your phone," He smirked back. You laughed but you did take off running. He chased you back out to the main room but you ran out the front door. "Don't think you can escape me!" He called out. 

"Wanna bet?" You called back, running to the backyard. You quickly jumped on one of the two horses you had seen and took off. 

"Oh, you'll regret saying that, my dear," Loki grinned, getting on the other horse and taking off after you. 

The next few days continued in a similar pattern. There wasn't much to do so you and Loki would often spend your time exploring the woods behind the house or riding the horses or just talking. Loki had warmed up to you quite a bit, pun intended, and you were quite happy. Of course, you recorded the events of each day in your diary. Well, it was less of a diary and more of a collection of special moments you wanted to remember and sketches you'd made. You had just finished writing today's events when you heard a loud clatter and Loki call you from the kitchen.

"Y/N!" He said. "Can you come here please?" You quickly put your notebook in the nightstand drawer and hurried out to the kitchen.

"What in the world happened, Loki?" You exclaimed, holding back a laugh. Loki was laying on the floor, covered in a mixture of flour and eggs it seemed, with various cups and bowls around him. 

"I was attempting to reach a mixing bowl on the top shelf when I slipped on an egg and pulled the shelf down," He admitted.

"You're telling the truth!" You gasped, openly chuckling at the situation now.

"Of course, love! I couldn't lie to you." You blushed brightly, as he often made you do with those pet names. 

"Uh, well," You stuttered. "Why don't you go wash up and I'll finish," You paused, glancing around. "Whatever you were making."

"I was attempting to make breakfast," He grinned. "But I think I should make myself clean instead, hm?" 

"Yes, you should," You smirked. "Wouldn't want anyone thinking you were greying early."

"You-" He exclaimed, standing quickly. For a moment you thought he was truly angry, but his eyes sparkled with mischief. He reached onto the counter and threw a handful of flour at you before running off to the bathroom. You laughed, dusted yourself off, and got to work on breakfast.

About an hour later, he came back out and sat across you at the counter. "Your breakfast, my prince," You smiled, presenting him his plate. He smiled and you ate in silence for a time. 

"I've been reading a lot lately," He commented. 

"Mhm," You replied, mouthful of syrupy pancakes. 

"The last book I read had some rather interesting sketches in it too."

"Really?" You asked, truly interested. "I love art. Can you show it to me?" You took a large gulp of milk as he replied.

"My dear," He said, setting down his fork. "I read your diary." You coughed, almost choking on your ill-timed drink. 

"You what?" You screeched. "How dare you invade my privacy like that and-"

"Don't you care to know what I thought?" He interrupted.

"Why? So you can laugh at me, oh Mr. High-and-" He cut you off by leaning over the counter and kissing you earnestly. "Oh, that's nice," You said once you pulled away. 

"Just nice?" He smirked. "I guess I'll have to work on that." He kissed you once more before you pulled away, cheeks flushed and eyes wide.

"I just remembered something!" You gasped. 

"What's wrong?" You quickly pulled out the pamphlet Tony had made you about the suit testing. You then gestured to a paragraph under a subheading of RECORDING ANY AND ALL TEST RESULTS

ALL TEST RESULTS MUST BE RECORDED BY THE TESTERS USING THE STEPS LISTED. TO ENSURE NOTHING IS MISSED, HOWEVER, THE HOUSE WILL ALSO BE UNDER 24/7 SURVEILLANCE TO TRACK ANY UNRECORDED RESULTS.

OUTSIDE - AUDIO/VIDEO

INSIDE - AUDIO ONLY

Loki grinned and leaned into you, lips brushing against your ear. He whispered something and you giggled. "Loki!" You gasped. "We can’t do that here!"

"Oh, yes," He purred. "We can do it anywhere we want if we're creative enough." 

"But outside is so much more exciting," You grinned. "So," you paused, struggling to find the right word. "Freeing!"

"Please do not do anything outdoors where I can see!" You heard a loud voice yell. You both quickly realized it was coming from the monitoring system.

"Steve? Is that you?" You called back with a chuckle. 

"Yeah, Tony insisted I take a turn on guard duty," He grumbled. "Look, I'm sorry I interrupted," He paused awkwardly. "Whatever you were doing but could you please not do it outside? Outside has cameras." Loki laughed loudly and you did too. 

"We really didn't mean to prank you, Cap. I thought Tony was on the other end of that mic."

"I however have no objections to how this turned out," Loki added. You whacked him arm lightly and shook your head. "Truthfully, though, we were only speaking of testing another aspect of the suit. I whispered to Y/N my idea and-"

"I get it," Cap replied quickly. You couldn't see him but you could tell he was embarrassed. "I'll make you two a deal. Behave yourselves, finish the tests, and get home early and I'll help you prank Tony here in the tower. Ok?"

"You have yourself a deal, Captain," Loki grinned. 

"Alright. I'm going to take a nap now. Don't do anything stupid."

"Oh we won't," Loki smirked, wrapping his arms around you and planting light kisses on your neck.

"Loki!" You squealed.

"Do you want to prank Tony or not?" Steve yelled. "I can't see you but I can hear you! And that didn't sound like suit testing. Get to work! If you do as you're supposed to, you'll be done in a week."

"Yes, sir," You both grumbled. Loki, ever the mischief maker, wasn't about to let up. He grabbed a towel and twirled it, smacking your backside with it as you walked away. 

"What was that for?" You asked.

"Loki, did you just-"

"For purely scientific purposes, I assure you," He replied. Steve groaned in frustration.

"This is gonna be a long week."

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