#but is it commentary on 80 years

[indelicateink]

i am not getting over the set design for their bedroom, they were like LET US MAKE ONE THING CLEAR lmao ??

also the fug chunky brutalism continues apace and though i like that in architecture, as an interior design concept it is grating to me. and i respect it and am intrigued. what the actual weeping christ is that monstrous HEADBOARD from satan's unwiped asscrack lmao

[athousandbyeol]

heartlore. [forcebook fanfic]

kasidet thinks jiratchapong is breathtaking—or maybe it's the wine talking. but possibly, he's not the only one trying—because jiratchapong knows it's never enough—wanting.

chapter 1. / chapter 2. / chapter 3.

[townofcrosshollow]

Bro I always remembered my first interaction with COG games was downloading one on my phone that looked interesting and instantly being put off by the ugly ass UI and uninstalling it after a few pages cause I just concluded it was probably low effort trash. I was just going through my uninstalled apps to find something and saw it on there... it was Wayhaven LMAO

[mariyekos]

Man. Interacting on tumblr is so much easier/nicer/common than on twitter. The tag system means it's much more convenient to search for posts outside of your direct circle, which leads to a lot more interaction, and a lot more fun. I made my tumblr in 2013 and my twitter in 2017 so this is where I got my start, but in the past few years I've been much more active on twitter and have really missed out. It's cool interacting with strangers even just for a post or two. There's a lot more sharing of headcanons and theories and meta/analysis, and I love it.

[cxnscience]

Did you know? Jiminy Cricket is the only Disney character to hunt purely for sport!

[melodic-operator]

me: why do i associate the sandman with echo & the bunnymen

dream of the endless:

[hercaprice]

‘   young romance, so innocent !   ‘

[paragonrobits]

some important calvin and hobbes facts in case you haven't read the original comic strip in a long time or only absorbed stuff on it from memes and out of context bits on here:

Calvin's last name has never been given, and neither has any of his parent's names. This was actually why his uncle Max only showed up for a brief storyline; the creator of the comic, Bill Watterson, ultimately felt that while it was fine to have him as someone for his parents to talk to, it felt far too awkward to never have Max refer to them by name and he never made a return appearance.

The general tone of the comic is fairly light-hearted, with a big emphasis on goofy slapstick comedy contrasted by clever wordplay and often surprising adult-centered jokes that'll hit you like a slap. A big part of the comedy is, as Watterson put it (paraphrased) "It's really funny to me when people express deeply stupid ideas with really fancy terminology." One notable example you might have seen is that one bit where Calvin asks his mom for money to buy a Satan-worshiping rock album and his mom replies that there's nothing genuine about them and they're just putting on the attitude for shock value, and comisserates with Calvin as he deplores that mainstream nihilism can't be trusted. He concludes that childhood is disillusioning.

There is a LOT of criticism of the extreme materialism and selfish mentality of the late 80s, when the comic was initially written. This may go a long way to explain how its aged so well; much of what it criticizes resonates well with people today.

Bill Watterson views comic strips a legitimate form of artwork, and repeatedly fought to have more space to draw more beautiful and artistic backgrounds, which was a very hard fight and unpopular even with other comic strip artists. He eventually did win some compromises and a lot of Calvin And Hobbes' artwork shows it, with the use of space to indicate time as well as a sharp contrast between the often plain environments of mundane life contrasted by the wildly beautiful imagery of Calvin's imagination (which often sports realistic depictions in an art shift of sorts).

Hobbes is explicitly not an imaginary friend, by word of Watterson himself. We don't know WHAT he is exactly, and Hobbes is apparently unaware of the strange nature of his reality; people look at him and only see an ordinary stuffed tiger plushie, but he has a tangible effect on the world that would be physically impossible for Calvin to do on his own. He's apparently been around for a while, and was apparently around when Calvin was a young baby.

On that note; Hobbes has implicitly killed (notably treated as both a gag and also with the vibe of 'he's a tiger, duh') and while he doesn't do it again on-screen, he doesn't have any moral issues about it. Calvin claims that he's never had trouble bringing Hobbes to school because the last time he did, Hobbes killed and ate a bully named Tommy Chestnut and simply comments that it was gross and he needed a bath. Calvin's tried to repeat this again, but Hobbes was grossed out at the thought having to eat a kid raw and not being allowed to use an oven first, or complaining that children are too fattening.

Hobbes became gradually less human-like in body language and more like an actual cat in both body language and behavior; this was due to Watterson drawing more inspiration from his cat, who also inspired a lot of Hobbes' running gags, such as pouncing on Calvin when he got home. Several years into the syndication of the strip, Watterson's cat passed away, and he did a tribute to her with a comic strip of the two of them agreeing to try to dream together so they can keep playing when they have to sleep; Watterson's commentary (if I recall right), remarks on his cat: "We can see each other again in dreams."

[asidian]

Alright. It is time. Buckle up.

Why you should be watching Dead Boy Detectives: the targeted-specifically-at my-readers edition.

Meet the leads, our two ghost boys:

Edwin Payne: Fussy, repressed intellectual type from the Edwardian era. Exceedingly gay for his partner and best friend. Tortured in hell for seventy years on a technicality because he was ritually sacrificed as a prank gone wrong. Endearingly awful at people and dealing with emotions or his own wants.

Charles Rowland: Impulsive, people-pleasing wildcard from the 80s. Heart eyes 24/7 at his best friend but has zero self-awareness. Badly abused by his asshole of a father. Beaten to death because he saved a kid from bullies. Endearingly awful at sorting his own emotions or talking about his problems.

Some highlights:

/slaps hood you can fit so much trauma in these two

Both leads get sobbing breakdowns that happen on screen. The actors are incredible at crying

Both leads get much-needed hugs

The absolute devotion between the two of them. The shared history that lives in their dialogue and how they work together like people who have been each other's Most Important Person for literal decades

I mean, I'm talking in-canon Orpheus and Eurydice reference level of devotion here

The protective way Charles puts himself physically between Edwin and damn near every threat in the show

They're just fun together. Their interactions and banter and how they work as a team is a delight

Their shared plot arc literally involves them learning to talk to each other and communicate more so that they can be there for one another about their respective issues

The symbolism. God. They are metaphorically and literally one another's light in the darkness

But what about stuff that isn't the main duo? Just wait, there's more:

This show is unabashedly, unapologetically queer. It's there in the text and the subtext. The whole show lives and breathes it

So many good, complex, well-written female characters. The Bechdel test gets blown straight out of the water in episode one and they never look back. Headstrong amnesiac psychic learning to be a better person! Quirky meta commentary matchmaker! Cynical lesbian butcher! Delightfully sadistic witch! They are all amazing.

[audience voice] But I'm here for the hurt/comfort. How can I whump ghosts? Worry not, my friends. Canon has you covered. Not only are there ways, there are ways that happen on-screen. The hurt/comfort and rescue are also on-screen. Yes, it is amazing

Absolute chaos, really cool supernatural cases and creatures, a surprising amount of humor, charming writing, and a cast that absolutely nails it on the acting and chemistry

There is an extremely suggestive trickster type who is also the king of cats. He's a cat in human form. He hits on Edwin nonstop. Charles gets blisteringly jealous

All of the leads have well-thought-through, fully developed, emotional character arcs. They're all messy and flawed and sometimes lash out in their pain, but at turns can be incredibly supportive and kind and loyal

A character who is a crow who is also a boy, who is tortured by his witch/creator and also is crushing hard on one of the leads

There are so many incredible details in the setting, costume choices, prop decisions, etc. that you only catch after you know what it's laying the groundwork for. The level of care that went into this show is phenomenal

It's only eight episodes. The time investment barrier to entry could not possibly be lower

Anyway, tl;dr, if any of this sounds appealing to you, you should give this show a watch.

Dead Boy Detectives is well worth your time. It's easily my favorite show in years.

[paper-mario-wiki]

genuine question coming from someone who is trying their best to support palestine but can't stomach condoning hamas's actions. how can you justify the murder of civilians and sexual violence that happened on october 7th? i know the fight for palestinian liberation is more important but they said orders to rape israeli women came from higher up in hamas. how can we support these people?

I will not be debating people in the notes of this post or in followup asks. I am not an authority on this subject, I am an individual giving commentary as I see it.

Do not attempt to follow this discourse up with intent to own me. You will waste your time and look stupid, I promise. Just unfollow and block me.

If your intent is genuine, and you are sincerely confused, then I will tell you that the first thing you must do is understand that your perspective of what happened on October 7th was not your own. It was made by a committee of communications officials and sold to you by news organizations to implant within you a version of what happened so that you would feel this precise feeling of hesitation, discomfort, and desire to withdraw yourself from the discussion. And that version is often full of blatant, contradictory, and easily fact-checkable lies. Israel knows that it doesn't have to make everyone support its cause to get away with it: if they can make enough people look away while they commit genocide, this too is a victory.

The sexual violence against Israeli women by Hamas has been vastly unsubstantiated, especially in comparison to the verifiable claims of IDF soldiers using sexual violence against Palestinian women. Go to any news articles and you will see "Claims of [number] of Israeli women raped by Hamas". You don't see firsthand reports, and you don't see consistent numbers, just people speaking for this group of unnamed and uncounted women. Further, many of the photos and videos of violence happening to women you see typically attached to these articles have turned out to be verified as Israeli soldiers assaulting Palestinian women during previous conflicts.

And that's another important note: previous conflicts. The date on everyone's mind has been October 7th, because that's when Hamas made an attack on the concert. Make no mistake, this was not the beginning of this conflict. And Palestine was not the aggressor.

Here is a graph of people killed as a result of the ongoing Israeli occupation of Palestine from 2002 to 2014. Notice, if you will, the yellow vs the pale blue. Can you guess which color represents which group? Just kidding you don't have to guess, the graph tells you.

After WW2, the European-Jewish population (which was 90% of the Jewish population at the time) emigrated to their holy land after over 1000 years. This land, now Palestine, had been under control by Muslim kingdoms since around 640 AD. The UN created a proposition following the Holocaust, submitted to create 2 states within Palestine: 54% would go to the Jewish population, and 46% would go to the Arab population. The Palestinian representatives rejected this proposal, but the Jewish representatives agreed, and over the next few years there would be a massive displacement of Muslims during what was called the Nakba; a cataclysmic event that saw 700,000 Palestinians (80% of them) displaced from the territory that the Israeli occupying force had claimed.

Since then there has been an ongoing pushing and cleansing of Palestinians over time. The remaining land that was not stolen during the 1948 mandate has been shrinking as Israel tightens its grip on the land and the people, exerting the force given to it by the United States to completely absorb the area. The process of which has been torturous and extraordinarily traumatic on the Palestinian population.

This map represents generations of murder, rape, and torture of Palestinians. A people who had their land forcefully taken from them, and have been made to be unwilling neighbors with their aggressors ever since. There are countless articles of IDF soldiers and Israeli citizens alike abusing Palestinians. Stealing their homes, starving their children, mocking their faith. This form of violent nationalism is born from Zionism, which was created by secular men, and has existed for less than a single century. The ideals of Zionism can only be seen out with the COMPLETE annihilation of the Palestinian people, something the terroristic Israeli force sees to go through with.

Hamas, at the moment, is fighting for the unconditional freedom of Palestine from their colonizers. We are seeing, in real time, the furious spirit of Palestine resisting what some of the worlds strongest military forces are trying to make to be their final death. In that impossible fight, they are seeing victories in urban warfare, and extreme coordination in guerilla tactics that we haven't seen since the Vietnam war. And during all of that, it has still been verifiably reported that they've been treating hostages well, many of them speaking positively about their time in captivity and expressing extreme dissatisfaction with Netanyahu's cabinet, something reflected in the staggering lack of direct interviews with hostages released.

Let's not mince words here, Hamas is absolutely killing people. Hamas is killing as many IDF soldiers as they possibly can, and yes, even some Israeli civilians have died. While it's true that these number significantly fewer than Palestinian civilian casualties, I'm not bold as to claim that that is not horrible. But this too is the fault of purposeful abuse of civilian population centers by the Israeli government. Ask yourself for a moment:

Why would Israel, being so aware of the horrifying whims of the savage Palestinians, allow a massive open-air concert to happen DIRECTLY on an unpatrolled border between Israel and Palestine? Why too does Israel insist on housing Civilian populations as close to Palestine as possible? They've already showed us: the military uses the deaths of their civilians as warrant to punish Palestinians in any way and to any extent they see fit.

Even if we're discounting the murderous occupier civilians shooting at Palestinian families and forcing them out of their life-long homes, it's still horrible to see otherwise incidentally innocent Israeli civilians die. Innocent death is inherently horrible. But even in a world where what happened on October 7th didn't happen, Israel intended to ensure the death, innocent or not, of all Palestinians who resist giving up their land. Hamas, Palestinian resistance groups, and now other Arab states have chosen to fight against this. Millions of people around the globe have chosen to unite and fight for them for this reason as well. It is why I support Palestine.

When a society lets mass atrocities happen in slow motion over decades, those atrocities become normal. And when those experiencing these atrocities fight back with economical blows of violence, it becomes a shocking disruption to the normal for those who haven't been paying attention, or were born into it; something the west relies on, and has packaged and sold as "terrorism" in the past few decades.

The modern Zionistic body of Israel has been a terroristic, murderous entity since its inception less than 100 years ago.

Do not let yourself be swayed into believing that murder, if done slowly enough, is not murder.

[vintagerpg]

There is, I think, no arguing that contemporary genre art has a character distinct from previous decades. I also think that while there are big shifts in aesthetics somewhat aligning with each decade of the 20th century, here in the 21st things have definitely slowed down — I feel like the look of genre art has fossilized somewhat in the last 20 years. I don’t have a good explanation for why. Sometimes I wonder if I’m blinded by nostalgia, and that there really aren’t any obvious objective differences at all.

Worlds Beyond Time: Sci-Fi Art of the 1970s (2023) is a compelling argument, I think, that there ARE definite differences. The book, by Adam Rowe (and spinning out of his social media accounts dedicated to, well, ’70s science fiction art) looks at both artists and thematic categories of art from the period, mostly from paperback covers, and offers commentary and historical context in the text. The result is startling: a body of work by a variety of artists working in their own styles that nevertheless seems visually unified. With the exception of a couple outliers, this stuff all feels of the ’70s. The fact that there are some inclusions from both the ’60s and ’80s makes this even clearer.

I think the most interesting thing about this is how bizarre some of the ’70s art seems to be. A lot of these artists appear to be entirely off the leash, delivering work they WANTED to produce rather than what they were directed to produce (you can see a shift toward clearly pairing the cover art with the content of the book in the later part of the decade). There was also more money in the work, then, so speed wasn’t quite so big a part of the equation as it is now.

And, greater questions of genre art aside, Worlds Beyond Time is still a mesmerizing collection, worthy of your time even if you just want to feed pictures to your eyeballs.

[bluebellthesponge]

1977 to 1979 in bohemian rhapsody

[bippot]

Hi! I love your writing. Do you have any ideas for an enemies to lovers w Spencer?

Ask and you shall recieve. Happy new year!!!

Summary: Spencer's mouth moves faster than his brain whenever he's around the Film Studies professor. She's smart. She's cool. And he's made a fool of himself in front of her.

So, to save him from heartbreak, he's decided he doesn't like her. It's a lie, and not a very good one.

Additional Tags: Enemies to Lovers, Idiots in Love, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Language of Flowers, Professor Spencer Reid, professor reader

Criminal Minds, Dr Spencer Reid Masterlist - here

Summary: Spencer's mouth moves faster than his brain whenever he's around the Film Studies professor. She's smart. She's cool. And he's made a fool of himself in front of her.

So, to save him from heartbreak, he's decided he doesn't like her. It's a lie, and not a very good one.

For all of his life, Spencer thought he was an easy person to get along with. He had friends who were happy to have him around despite the fact that he often lectured them about everything and anything. Diana had raised him to be polite and well behaved, so he never failed to answer anyones questions with an appropriate response without hesitation. He wasn't vulgar. Didn't swear. Never stolen anything in his entire life. He did not drink or smoke, and drugs were a touchy subject these days.

Then, he met Y/N. She was a fellow professor at Marbury University and was renowned across campus - if she wasn't teaching, she could be found either helping the drama club film videos or doing follow up tutorials and study sessions for whatever students needed it - and was loved for it.

And she was pretty. Like, really pretty. Whether it was her skill at lecturing or her face, Dr L/N held the unofficial record for the most audited class. Dr Reid was second place - and for once he didn't mind getting a silver medal - and it would take him a while to close the gap between their class sizes. He'd heard about her in the staff room. All good things. A real glowing report card. Everyone loved her and for good reason, apparently. Their paths were yet to cross.

That was until he realised her lecture was directly before his every Monday at 9 and decided to be early - a full two hours early - to check out if she was as good as everyone said she was. And there she was in all her glory, the Dr L/N he'd heard so much about sat back on her desk and waved everyone as they walked in, the occasional student getting a 'Like your new haircut, Bethany!', 'Ready for class, Joe?' or even 'Did you get the email I sent you about the Paramount internship you asked me about, Darla?'

Okay, she was kind too. Kind and pretty. Kind and pretty and obviously smart enough to get a doctorate. Admittedly, she did have a doctorate in Film Studies, and Spencer wasn't entirely sold on the idea that Film as a subject was something worth getting a doctorate in. He liked movies.

A particular favourite of his was 80's Soviet parallel cinema - well, he was a fan of most forms samizdat (rebellious ideals and ideologies presented through art in an attempt to be an act of defiance in the face of the Soviet Union) - because there was so much so much poignant commentary and emotional depth that it was impossible not to love.

But why would you devote your life to silly little movies rather than maths and science and the study of thought - like Psychology or Philosophy - that can literally help save lives? How was knowing about the French New Wave ever going to be useful in real life? In pub quizzes, yeah, but where else?

"Hello, hello, hello everybody!" She greeted cheerfully and stood up, waving her arms around for emphasis. "Welcome my lovelies to our first meeting of the semester."

The black skirt she was wearing was long and frilly and had a pattern that mostly consisted of crescent moons and, most important to Reid, swished whenever she took a step. For the first couple of minutes, he didn't hear a thing she was saying because the swishing was far too mesmerising. It wasn't like him to avoid learning and put all his focus on the aesthetics of a person rather than what they were teaching him. Yet, he was doing just that.

Y/N didn't look like a stereotypical lecturer. Her outfit was far from professional attire. The aforementioned skirt was paired with a graphic tee with Indianna Jones and the word 'DILF' across the chest - and even though he had no idea what DILF means, Spencer knew it was something risque by how one of her students covered their giggle with their hand as soon as they saw it - and worn out bright red cowboy boots. She had smudged eyeliner that looked messy enough that she may have slept in it. Her hair was fluffy and untamed, but in that way that is obviously styled to look like that.

Weirdly, even though he was conforming to the standard he'd seen among his fellow lecturers, right then in the room with her, he felt like he was the odd one out.

"I know when I was going through school, all my professors kept assigning movies that college kids don't really want to watch," she began, leaning against the podium casually, her hands resting on her hips like she owned the place and he was nothing but an honoured guest. "One of my professors - his name was Mr Lockley - he assigned my class the film 'The Cure for Insomnia'. Has anyone heard of it?"

Silence. Once Spencer realised that her students didn't know, he was raising his hand.

"Yes, Dr Reid?"

Oh, she noticed he'd snuck it. And she knew his name. Cool. They did work together so it wasn't that outlandish.

"The Cure for Insomnia is the longest film ever made. It's 5,220 minutes long - that's 87 hours, or 3 days and 15 hours - and has no plot. Instead, the filmmaker read his 4,080-page poem," Spencer answered, looking around the hall, waiting for someone to tell him to shut up. He was also aware that he probably sounded like a total nerd, but he couldn't help himself.

No one did tell him to shut up. That was the main thing he loved about lecturing, he got to ramble and was paid for it. His students got to learn extra details and it's not as if they were going to tell him to be quiet like his friends at the BAU did.

She smiled sweetly, confirmed, "That is correct, Dr Reid," then returned her focus to the class. It made sense. Why would she pay attention to him when she had a job to do? It made a little pang in his chest appear but he ignored it because that was beyond unprofessional.

What could he do? Stand on the desk and demand that they have a conversation that ends with her saying, 'Wow, Dr Reid, you're so smart. Would you like to get coffee some more so you can continue to impress me with the sheer amount of knowledge you have stored inside that adorable head of yours?'

Her explanation continued. "John Henry Timmis IV, whose name sounds fancy but this guy was an unsung rock god who created music that he called 'heavy glitter' or 'destructo-rock', and for his movie, apparently he got his poet buddy, Lee Groban, to recite his very long poem then spliced that together with porn clips and heavy metal," Y/N said, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she said the last sentence.

Instantly, a mumble went across the class, primarily because a teacher mentioned x-rated material, but she shushed them quickly by clapping her hands together. It was a casual movement, but one that got everyone looking at her once again.

"Can anyone hazard a guess what's weird about this movie, other than the run time?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a hand go up but she wasn't going to call on them, and so, Spencer was left with his palm facing towards the stage. Y/N amended her question, "Can any of my students take a guess? Dr Reid, I'd appreciate it if you'd give my class at least 2 minutes so they can Google the answer."

Once again, silence met her question until it was broken by a shy voice. A girl in the front row with curly blonde hair was looking at her expectantly. Y/N smiled encouragingly and nodded for her to speak up louder. "The film was lost?" The girl said hesitantly.

"Like always, Jennifer, you are correct!" Y/N exclaimed happily. Jennifer blushed, embarrassed by the attention and compliment but smiling nonetheless as Y/N moved on to another question. "The film was lost. The film was shown at the School of the Art Institute in Chicago Illinois, and it ran from January 31st to February 3rd. So when Mr Lockley set his essential viewing, he knew exactly who'd tried to do their homework based on their reaction when he asked what they thought of the film."

The lecture went on for another twenty minutes and for the entire time, Spencer was completely transfixed by Y/N. She spoke passionately and lit up as she explained things to her audience, and sometimes, when a particularly insightful answer came her way, Spencer was sure he could see the stars in her eyes. Her enthusiasm was infectious, it almost radiated off of her and filled up the classroom in an instant.

He couldn't help himself, Spencer found his eyes wandering over every part of her body, studying every inch of her before he'd had the chance to properly comprehend that he was being a creep. Appreciating beauty was one thing, leering at women he hadn't met before is another.

As her student piled out of the lecture hall, all chatting loudly as they walked out, Spencer waited. A group of girls surrounded Y/N and asked her a bunch of questions, and she answered them all like she was their cool older sister rather than someone who was paid to teach them things. Then they left too, and the pair were alone.

"Did you enjoy the class, Dr Reid?" she asked kindly, a smile tugging at her lips as she turned around slightly. She sat on top of the nearest desk and folded her legs under her, resting her elbow on her knee and her head on her fist.

"I've always thought of film studies as a throwaway field of study - if I were to study it, it would be more of a recreational degree than my other ones. But yes, you were very entertaining."

Shit. Her face fell. And he instantly regretted having said that. He hadn't meant to offend her. But he clearly did.

"You're a professor of...?"

"Psychology."

A second passed in which Y/N processed that. She blinked, looked at the floor and started fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve.

"But I probably should've picked Mathematics, Chemistry or Engineering because that's what I have my PhD's in. I only have a Bachelors in psychology - along with my other Bachelors sociology and my most recent in philosophy - but I have a lot of field work in the general area of psychology (or more specifically, Criminology) so I didn't feel as if I was under qualified for the position," he rambled, knowing his words were coming out of his mouth incredibly fast, like he had just poured everything out at once, but he was unable to stop himself.

Spencer wanted to apologise for offending her but that was the one thing his mouth wouldn't let spill.

"Did you feel qualified for your position?" he inquired, intending it to be a genuine question but when he heard it out loud, oh no, it sounded far too much like he was questioning the legitimacy of her employment.

Her eyebrows raised for the briefest moment as she stared at him, searching for the reason behind his words and not finding one. Then, once she made her judgement, she stood up, brushed off her lap and gathered her bag. "I have to go," she said abruptly, "Good luck with your lecture: I can hear your class arriving. I hope you find it more worthwhile than mine."

With that, she left without sparing him another glance. The door closed with a thud and Spencer took a minute or two to stare blankly after her, the feeling of disappointment washing over him as he watched her leave. Well, he'd fucked that up.

They'd occasionally see each other in passing. If Spencer ever did sit in on her lectures (which he did quite a bit), he didn't engage. Any time he happened to see her at a staff event and she would be kind and laugh along with their peers, but would become quiet whenever he was pulled into the conversation. So, after a while, he stopped trying to interact with her. Why would he? She was judging him based on one interaction - yeah, he'd called her life's work worthless during it - but that was just a slip up. If she stopped being so childish and let him speak to her, they could be friends.

Months and months went on. What was hope turned into hate. Did Y/N really think her job was more important than his? He literally used his knowledge to catch serial killers! What did she do? Write lengthy books about the Marxist interpretation of the Shrek franchise. Or the feminist allegory of Jennifer's Body. Or whatever about some niche movie that nobody's heard from and probably never cared about. Could she save someone's life with that?

Once upon a time, he'd planned to apologise. Now? Fuck that. Would she apologise to him about being so dismissive to him? Probably not. It was better that way. He lived a hectic life and if they were ever friends - or something more than that - she'd be indirectly dragged into a part of that. Besides, he didn't need any more friends anyway. It wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth it.

Sure, it didn't help that he did the occasional thing here and there to annoy her.

If she was in her office with students (which conveniently to the right of his), he'd play his jazz records a smidge too loud.

Any time she'd offer to show one of the investors or a prospecting customer around the humanities buildings, he'd pop up and listen just in case she got a fact wrong so he could correct her right in front of her guests.

And there was this one time he'd heard her promote some of the safer movie pirating websites to her students. She'd said that there was no conceivable way that a student was going to be able to pay to watch all of the movies she'd put on the essential viewing because they were scattered across all of the streaming sites. Spencer agreed with that logic. He still wrote the Dean an email about it though. It is illegal.

When the new academic year commenced, their disagreement with one another turned into a feud. It was over something so simple and easy to sort out that it was as if they were acting like children. It was a squabble for the sake of it.Both of them had been called to the Head of Humanities office the day before classes officially started to have a meeting about their new schedules and it had not gone well, mostly because Spencer had requested her usual time slot.

"I booked Taliesin Hall for 9-11 on Mondays like I've done every year since I started working here," Y/N argued, leaning back in her chair and throwing out her arms.

Why had he done it? To be a dick? Well, yes and no. He wanted to be a dick to her, but it was also because he'd moved apartments and his new place was further away. He didn't want the original time they'd given him for Monday mornings because he wasn't a morning guy and he'd have to get up early to make it on time.

Because Spencer was more accomplished and more people knew his name, he brought a lot of attention to the university just by being employed there. Therefore, if he wanted the hall at 9 on a Monday, he'd have the hall at 9 on a Monday. It didn't matter that Y/N had worked there for longer, or was more proactive about engaging with the uni's residents, or that she had more students than he did.

"Dr Reid, are you willing to change time slots with Dr L/N?" Dean Mitchell asked with a sigh. If he had hair to pull out, he would've at this point.

"No I am not."

"Then I'm afraid you'll have to deal with your current time, Dr L/N."

Spencer crossed his arms and leant back in his chair to mimic Y/N teasingly, unable to hide the smug smile from his face. This was a little different from their usual spats. They rarely ever argued. It was primarily Reid going out of his way to make her life just that bit more difficult and Y/N rolling her eyes but, ultimately, it didn't change much about her day.

On that day he managed to get a reaction. She let out a groan - one that was defeated and tired and almost seemed desperate - and tapped her foot a few times. Her hand came up to wipe the corner of her eye briefly as a couple of stray tears escaped. And it made him feel like shit.

"Thank you very much, Dr Reid," she replied sarcastically. He watched as she stormed down the corridor, muttering something about visitation times, and left the office.

Yeah, he'd won. He should've felt victorious. He didn't. There was something far too raw in her voice for him to truly think this was part of the fun little game he was playing on her. He felt awful. And guilty. And stupid for making her cry. This was something beyond just a schedule change, he knew that. And if he pretended not to care, eventually he wouldn't care.

"What was that about?" Mitchell queried, taking a sip from his tea and watching him intently as he put the cup down.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Technically, that was a lie. Spencer could use his profiling skills on Y/N to deduce as much as he could about her, but looking at her in a deeper way would mean that he would really have to look at her. He'd have to see that face for an extended period of time and not fall into her trap of thinking that she was the most interesting woman he'd ever met. Because she wasn't. How could she be? Y/N was just another person in a line of hundreds.

Instead of saying all that, Spencer shrugged nonchalantly and exited the room, waving his goodbye to Dean Mitchell as he left.

That night, he stayed up thinking and tossing and turning about what he said. He thought a thousand thoughts that night, but he kept coming back to one thing: he made her cry. He'd actually done that. Like a fucking asshole. What was he even trying to prove? That he was better than her? That she was missing out on him being in her life? Because, if anything, he'd purposely trying to fuck with her for months now and probably was better off before she met him.

He'd find out the reason why it had gotten to her so badly a few weeks later. It was time for the monthly staff meeting and there was one chair - that was usually occupied - unoccupied. Both of them were creatures of habit and always sat in the same spot so it was obvious when the chair in front of Spencer remained empty. He'd often kick the back of her foot - like an actual child instead of a fully grown adult man - to annoy her until she sat cross legged on the chair to prevent him from continuing. But, Y/N wasn't there. He was staring into space and not the back of her head.

Gordon Patel, one of the performing arts lecturers that Spencer had observed talking to Y/N often, leant across and whispered to him, "Y/N's not coming."

"Do you know why?"

"Her mother's getting worse."

Honestly, he had no clue what was going on with Y/N's mother and urged, "Yeah?"

"She's been bad for a while now." Gordon paused. "If I remember correctly, Y/N said she's in and out of the ICU. Y/N used to check up on her after work but 'somebody' messed that up."

A sick mom? A pang of empathy hit him hard at that comment. He could relate to that. And he'd made her life harder when she was in a situation like that, well, he felt like shit about it now. He nodded silently and tried to focus on his own discussion, though his mind was elsewhere entirely. If he thought he felt like shit before, he sure as hell felt ten times worse now. The whole thing with Y/N really was eating him up inside and he had no idea how to deal with it or where to go. He couldn't even talk to her without sounding like a complete idiot.

So, he didn't talk to her. Yet, Spencer was always watching - maybe it was a habit of being a profiler, or maybe it was because why would he pay attention to anything else if Y/N was there? - and he'd noticed that she was getting more withdrawn by the day. Even her smile wasn't genuine anymore. Eye bags were her new accessory.

Somehow, her passion remained. It was evident in her actions, even if they were short lived. She was still determined to teach and she didn't take no for an answer, especially when it came to her class. With everything going on behind the scenes, she'd arranged for her class to go on field trips if there was anything filming in the general area of the uni and was often seen out in the quad with a camera in her hands, aiding whichever student was deciding to make a film that week.

However, Spencer did allow himself to be a little kind to her. Every Monday right after her lecture she'd find a single daffodil on the desk in her office and was accompanied the first time with a post it note on top that read:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

Although Wordsworth was talking about finding pleasure in the natural world - specifically a field of daffodils - to Reid, the natural world was filled to the brim with germs. There was no pleasure to him in dirt and trees and the flowers themselves. Replacing Y/N with daffodils was very doable. Just like the flower's meaning, he wanted to start over with her, to have a rebirth of their relationship.

There was still a lot of anger inside of him, all pent up because he'd been trying not to fall back into his routine of being a dick and it was becoming more tempting every time she ignored him.

Surprisingly enough, the one, the only, Penelope Garcia was the reason they spoke again. For New Years Eve, Penelope had gathered her nearest and dearest in her apartment. Emily had gone back to England. JJ was with Will and her kids at Will's mother's place. Hotch and Jack were with his sister in law and father in law. Tara, Luke, Derek and his family, Kate and hers, Spencer and a couple of Penelope's buddies that he'd never met before were all squished in her apartment, which definitely wasn't suited for that many people.

Spencer was sitting on the couch with Sergio pawing at his leg when the door opened, his brows furrowing as Penelope ushered Y/N inside with an excited, "You came! I missed you so much! Come in, come, come." Penelope was crushing Y/N into a hug at the very first opportunity she had. The pair stood in the doorway for a couple of minutes, slowly swaying in their embrace, until Penelope finally broke away with a big grin.

"Look at this dress! Look at you! You're so pretty that I might die!" Penelope cheered, pulling the other girl by the hips to inspect the leopard print cami dress she was wearing. Penelope even fiddled with the fabric right at the leg slit and Y/N smoothed her hands away before the whole party was unwillingly flashed with hot pink underwear. If that had happened, Spencer wouldn't have been all that disappointed.

"Me? Look at you, my lovely! Most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Y/N cooed, twirling her friend around once so her dress would swish around a little, then Penelope did the same for Y/N.

On anyone else, that dress may have looked tacky. Spencer knew that. He didn't know much about fashion but he knew that. On Y/N? Well, he thought it was gorgeous. His eyes raked over the rest of her as she hung her leather jacket up (that Spencer knew definitely wasn't warm enough for this time of year) and was pulled toward the kitchen by Garcia. Those legs. Her thighs, her hips, those breasts, those curves, those...

Spencer blinked. Like a teenage boy, he was ogling and it didn't matter if Penelope caught him or not.

From his seat on the couch, Spencer watched the two of them interact with curiosity. They clearly knew each other well. But how? When? Where? His brain was running through all possible circumstances that could explain Penelope knowing Y/N. He didn't even realise he was glaring in their direction until two strong hands clasped down on his shoulders. He was at a party with a fair few people, one of them was going to notice at some point.

"Pretty boy, did Penelope give away the last cookie? Is that why you're brooding over here?" Derek asked, shaking him lightly as if trying to jostle him from his thoughts.

"No."

"What's wrong with your face then?"

"Nothing."

Sighing dramatically and sitting himself down next to Spencer, Derek rolled his eyes and began playing with Sergio's ears. "What's Penelope done now?"

"She hasn't done anything."

If Penelope wasn't the issue...

"Oh, I get it." Morgan nodded, looking smug as he took his eyes away from Sergio for a split second. "You haven't been introduced to Y/N yet, and instead of doing it yourself and saying hi to a lady you obviously find attractive, you're here, sulking with poor ol' Sergio."

Right on the money. Spencer groaned loudly. Of course. Why was he surprised? Morgan was good at reading his mind. He'd learned long ago that there was nothing he could do to stop his buddy from finding out anything he wanted. Spencer turned and gave him a death glare.

"I'll introduce you to Y/N."

"I already know Dr L/N."

"Dr L/N, huh? Let me take a guess, you lecture at the same college?"

Derek knew he was right. Spencer's reaction told him everything he needed to know, but he still couldn't resist teasing him further. Spencer groaned, turning red in embarrassment as he ran a hand through his hair, avoiding eye contact completely and hoping to god that the conversation didn't carry any farther. If it did, he had to come clean.

But Derek had already begun laughing. "Come on, Pretty Boy." Derek teased, bumping him lightly. "Get up and talk to her."

Reluctantly, Spencer groaned louder this time but obliged and got up off the sofa with a deep sigh. It was time. He made his way into the kitchen and watched Penelope as she poured two glasses of wine, just lurking in the doorway until they noticed him.

"I made you some cookies," Penelope offered, hopping up on the counter and grinning at Y/N. "They're chocolate chip."

"My favourite."

"I know. Why do you think I made them?" Penelope reached for the tupperware of cookies and shoved them in front of Y/N. "Eat!"

Y/N said a quick, "Thank you, Penny. Love you, Penny," as she took a bite. Her eyes widened immediately at the sweet taste of the cookie, mumbling, "Soooooo good," through a mouthful of crumbs.

Just as Penelope was about to reach out to take a cookie, Spencer accidentally pressed his elbow into the light switch and plunged the whole kitchen into darkness, letting out a loud, "Ow!" because he'd hit himself right on the funny bone. He flipped the light back on. "Sorry, Pen."

"Spence! I have to introdu-"

"We know each other, Penny," Y/N cut in, placing her arm on Penelope in the hopes to calm her excitement down. The techie had been telling Y/N all about the Spencer she worked with and they'd often joked that Penelope's Spencer was miles better than the Spencer from Y/N's job. Weirdly, his last name had never come up. And alas, they were the same Spencer.

"You two know -" The penny dropped. "Oh. Oh! My dreams of the two of you becoming fast friends has been squashed flat." Penelope shook her head disapprovingly, sipping her wine and eyeing Spencer in disdain. She slapped him on the arm. "That is for being so rude all the time!"

Two more slaps on his arm soon came when all he did was whine in protest. After he got his own slaps for acting like a child, Penelope turned back to look at Y/N, who was hiding a little smirk behind her hand. "Spencer Walter Reid, you are going to be polite and kind to my very sexy friend or I will reveal your browser history to everyone at this party. Capeesh?" Penelope warned, looking like an angry pomeranian as she glared at him, a finger pointing between his eyes.

Spencer raised his hands in surrender. "Okay! Okay! Okay!"

"Say hi to Y/N. Nicely."

After a minute of silent awkwardness, Spencer cleared his throat and addressed Y/N. "So, uh, yeah. Hi."

"Hi?" Y/N repeated back with confusion written all over her face. She tilted her head to really look at him and that was it. He was suddenly even more self conscious and shifted uncomfortably on the spot under her gaze.

His eyes darted to Penelope's, who was looking between the two with a mischievous glint shining in her eyes. She wasn't a profiler but she'd known him long enough to read him like a book. The look on his face said it all. He was just a little boy pulling on the girl he liked pigtails.

"How, uh, how do you know each other?" he stuttered out to the girls, who immediately turned to catch each other's eye.

"You know I took you to the Dr Who watchalong at Noble's?"

Oh no, she likes Dr Who, too, he thought. That was another thing they had in common.

"Y/N here is a regular, just like me. We've been to how many Ren Faire's together now?" Penelope gushed, throwing her arms around Y/N and that action was very quickly reciprocated.

"Five."

"I swear it was six."

"We didn't go together the first time, we just happened to be at the same mead vendor and you didn't let me leave without forcing me to buy you a drink," Y/N reminded with amusement dancing in her eyes as she brushed Penelope's fringe out of her face with gentle fingers.

They were so affectionate to one another it was adorable. It was clear they had the kind of female friendship that was on the borders of lesbianism at times but most often was platonic. There was this yearning - not just for Y/N to act affectionately towards him - for himself to be open enough to be touched and petted and have hair lovingly stroked away from his face without retreating. He liked physical touch but there always was this barrier in the way that stopped him from allowing himself that joy.

So, yeah, he was a little jealous of Penelope. Who isn't? She's super cool and likeable?

"I count that time!"

"It's six then," Y/N conceded immediately, chuckling at Penelope's exaggerated pout.

From the other room, one of the party goers called out for their gracious host and Penelope rushed off to help, leaving the two professors to stew in the awkwardness of being alone together. Y/N looked to Reid and saw him looking nervously at his feet. He was biting on his bottom lip.

"Would you like a cookie?" she offered kindly, gesturing to the tupperware in her hands and holding them out to him when he nodded.

"...Thanks."

It was quiet again. Y/N shyly smiled in response as she handed it over to him and watched as he picked one out carefully and popped it in his mouth before making his way across the kitchen to lean against the counter opposite. They were both hesitant. It was only natural; neither of them wanted to make a scene at this party. Y/N didn't know what to say to him and Spencer seemed to notice.

"I've never been to a Ren Faire, what's it like?"

All the tension in her shoulders relaxed at once. She hadn't expected him to initiate a conversation but she was grateful for the chance to talk to him about something else. Anything else. So, she told him about her time at Ren Faire's, peppering funny stories about Penelope whenever it was a natural moment to do so, and was surprised when he listened to her.

Like, really listened with follow up questions and comments every once in a while. It was nice, she thought, to finally stop squabbling with Spencer after months of doing it nonstop.

"Maybe you can come with us next year?" Y/N offered, taking a sip from the glass of wine. She gave him a soft smile in return and then looked down at her glass, feeling a little bashful. The corners of Spencer's lips twitched into a small smile. "I'm sure Penelope wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, okay," He agreed. "I would love to try it out. Thanks for inviting me."

"And I understand if you have a case and need to go off halfway through. I'm used to it with Pen." Her fingers tapped against the counter. "I didn't know you worked for the FBI. Do you go by Dr or SSA?"

"Dr. I've worked in the BAU for so long now, but when I first started my mentor, Gideon, he made sure that everyone knew I was capable even if I was young and inexperienced." Spencer rubbed at his neck awkwardly, avoiding Y/N’s inquisitive stare. "He was a good man."

Was. She heard that loud and clear. It was a night of celebration, why would she delve deeper into the death of his mentor. One, she barely knew him. Two, it was a time to be happy. Three, they'd crawled their way from the awkwardness, she didn't want to accidently plunge them back in.

But, Spencer didn't think of that.

"How's your mother? Is she still sick?"

Y/N blinked, taken aback by the change of topic. In all honesty, she didn't think he knew her mother had been ill. Why would he know that? Why would he care? For some reason, it became difficult for her to speak, to breathe. A lump began to form in the back of her throat which forced her voice to crack in surprise. She cleared her throat and took another swig of wine in an attempt to steady herself.

“Oh, I don't want to talk about that right now.”

"Not good, huh?"

Why didn't he let the topic slip? Shit! Shit, shit, shit! She looked down, avoiding Spencer's curious gaze as she fiddled with her fingers and tried to figure out what to say. She'd never been comfortable talking about it with anyone and especially not Dr Reid.

Some innate need to comfort her came over Spencer. He was never good at this sort of thing but he'd try. He'd try so hard because he'd been such a super dick and maybe - just maybe - being a super nice and comforting guy would help ease his conscience. If not, well, that was fine too. Because at least she would get some peace of mind and the weight of everything that happened would lessen a little bit. He was determined to make amends and he needed to start somewhere, so why not start now?

His hand was reaching for hers before he could second guess his decision but he didn't pull back. Instead, he laced their fingers together, letting his thumb rub over the back of her hand gently, a gentle soothing action that felt nice. The warmth radiating from his skin and the strength of his grip on her hand made her feel safe, secure and protected in its grasp. The gesture brought her back to reality.

The sound of the party was still roaring on the other side of the wall, the noise reverberating throughout the apartment but that was just white noise for the moment. Right now she could concentrate solely on Reid.

Her eyes flicked down to their intertwined hands then up to meet his. They were warm. Comforting. A soft sigh escaped her lips. His thumb caressed the back of her hand ever so gently and his gaze was intense as they held onto each other. His eyes were filled with a certain sadness that Y/N couldn't decipher but she did know that whatever it was, it could be found in hers too.

"My mom is sick too - schizophrenia and Alzheimer's is not a great combination - our situations probably aren't entirely the same, I don't think, but I do understand and relate to it more than most." He swallowed thickly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. His free hand gripped tightly around the edge of the countertop so it could keep him grounded. "I'm sorry you're going through this, I know the burden it is."

In a flash, her arms were around him, pulling him close to her. Spencer froze but soon melted into the embrace, wrapping his arms around her very, very slowly. He finally hugged her, his cheek resting atop her hair as he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his throat constrict at the overwhelming amount of emotions threatening to spill over.

Holy shit. She was hugging him. Actually hugging him. Physical contact! And even better, physical contact that didn't spook him into pushing her away. Even though they both knew that this wasn't how they normally acted towards one another, it was okay. They were allowed to hug even if they weren't exactly friends.

Their bodies stayed pressed against one another not saying anything for a while and, in that peace, Spencer's hand ran along the length of her arm, softly stroking upwards, until he got to her shoulder, then drifted down to her wrist, then up again, then down again, repeating the motion over and over.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like people touching you," Y/N whispered, pulling away just slightly so she could look up at him properly. There was a hint of regret in her tone and that broke his heart. He quickly shook his head to dispel those thoughts.

"No, no. You're good," he reassured her and wound his arms around her waist again, bringing her closer to him. He hesitated briefly, not wanting to push her boundaries. "You don't have to apologise-"

"I do."

"No, if anyone should be apologising, it's me for being...this." He released one arm from around her torso to gesture to himself. "For being an ass, I mean," he amended. Y/N sighed, leaning her forehead against his shoulder, and closed her eyes. She couldn't help but chuckle at his attempt at an apology.

Yeah, he had been an ass.

Awkwardly, they disentangled from each other, not really knowing where to stand next since none of them had known quite how to behave around each other before now. Spencer stood up straight, clearing his throat in a hurry to seem normal, and Y/N mirrored his actions.

"Listen, uh...about the way I've treat-" He started, not looking Y/N in the eye because if he did, there was no way he would be able to stop his cheeks from heating up.

Confessing now would be a good thing. It would explain why he was a dick - although, did it really? - and help her piece together his motive. And, he just really wanted it off his chest. Maybe if he let the words out into the world, they might manifest into something good.

"So someone finally introduced you to the famous Dr L/N!" Derek cheered, interrupting Spencer and effectively distracting the both of them from the conversation they were supposed to be having. Reid's head dropped in anguish.

"Chocolate Thunder, how lovely to see you again," Y/N replied in an equally cheery tone and turned around to face him, being enveloped in a bear hug as soon as Morgan reached her. He patted her back lightly, grinning brightly. "Is Hank here?"

"I swear you like my child more than me? That hurts, woman!" Derek chuckled, letting her go from his hold. "Yes, my baby boy is here but you'll have to pry him from Penelope's arms to say hello."

It made sense that Y/N would know Morgan if she hung out with Garcia a lot. Before Savannah, Derek and his babygirl were attached at the hip whenever they didn't have a case or were in the process of finding a significant other since it's hard to explain to potential romantic partners that you have a platonic twin flame that you spend 24/7 with in and out of work without them getting the wrong idea. If Y/N had been friends with her during that time - which she was judging by the fact that Garcia limited herself to only one renaissance faire per year because that makes it extra special when you do finally go - she'd definitely know Morgan.

From where he stood, Spencer shifted his weight from foot to foot, his eyes trained on his feet, his hands in his pockets, and his expression unreadable. Morgan noticed and furrowed his brows curiously. He nudged Y/N's arm, mumbling, "Why don't you attempt to convince Pen to take a break? I bet Hank can do with a breather from all the bright colours," and Y/N did as he said.

She did do something she'd never done before, however. On her way out of the kitchen, she craned her head over her shoulder to shoot Spencer a smile and uttered a quiet, "See you later, Dr Reid."

With that, she left the two men alone. Spencer watched her retreating form with mixed feelings; on the one hand, her smile warmed him inside out. On the other hand, his confession still only existed in his brain, the words ringing loudly in his head as he tried to ignore the ache that settled deep within his core.

"Oooooooh, Dr Reid, huh? There's got to be some sort of catnip in your bumbling genius deal because that woman was throwing herself into your arms. I saw it through the door." Derek teased. "And I'm glad she did but please, for Pete's sake, get a grip already! I've seen you pine over girls before and I've only witnessed this for less than 10 minutes but this is ridiculous!"

Spencer winced in embarrassment, cursing Morgan silently to Hell and wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"I was going to then you interrupted me!"

"Oh sorry, player. My bad."

"...Morgan."

Morgan cackled at Spencer's scowl before getting back on track to ease his little brother, who seemed to be struggling even worse than before. "Hey bud, come with me, Tara has been arguing with me for the past hour and I need my encyclopaedia to kick her ass," he suggested with a grin, ruffling his hair in the process.

Time ticked on, and after what felt like forever - but was in reality just an hour or so - the countdown to the new year was about to begin. As everyone gathered around the tv, Derek and Penelope winked at each other.

5...

Garcia took Hank from Y/N's arms so they'd be free, ignoring her friend's confused complaint. Morgan guided Spencer by the shoulder until he was in pushing distance of Y/N, and then he proceeded to push the lanky man in her direction.

4...

Derek wrapped his arm around Savannah's waist directly afterwards, as if he hadn't just set things in motion.

3...

Y/N caught Spencer's forearms to steady him, and her fingers curled around the sleeves of his shirt, holding on tight so he didn't trip over his own feet and hurt himself on the way.

2...

Before it had reached the inevitable conclusion of the year, Spencer was ducking his head and capturing Y/N's lips between his. For the first few brief moments, she paused, startled at the sudden action, but soon returned the kiss nonetheless. Her hand slid under the collar of his, cupping the side of his neck as he tilted his head forward to deepen the kiss.

1...

It continued through to the new year. Although when the countdown did get to 0, there were other couples having a smooch. Garcia even gave Hank a big sloppy kiss on his cheek, causing his giggle fit to make everything even more hilarious. Morgan laughed out loud while watching their friends making fools of themselves - he'd given his wife a sweet smooch and pulled away to find that the two were still lip locking.

"Jesus, pretty boy, there are children around!" Derek joked, clapping his hands loudly.

The couple broke apart, blushed bright red in embarrassment and attempted to brush themselves off as inconspicuous as possible. Spencer cleared his throat, averting his gaze towards the floor for several seconds. When he raised it again, he realised that his friends were all giving him teasing thumbs ups and whoop-inducing cheers.

"I'm never going to hear the end of this," Spencer sighed, but his being was suddenly overcome with chuckles. Happy chuckles. 'Thank fuck I finally did that' chuckles. Because, thank fuck, he finally did it.

They were teased and good naturedly taunted as everyone began to leave, one by one. It was way beyond Hank's bedtime so Morgan and Savannah were the first to part, both being insufferably enthusiastic and encouraging towards Spencers. Kate and Co were next. Penelope's other friends all seemed to leave in one big herd.

Tara quietly slipped out the door so she didn't have to fifth wheel since Luke was lingering around, looking as if he was going to be staying the night.

"I better go," Y/N stated, reluctantly pulling away from Spencer's side since he'd been trapping her against him since midnight. It was a consensual trapping, and Y/N was allowed breaks to get another drink or use the bathroom, but it was clear that he wanted her attached to his hip whenever he could.

His coworkers were astonished. Jaw dropping stuff. JJ would be so pissed she missed it for more than one reason.

"I could walk you to your car?"

"Y/N got the train, didn't you, sexy?" Penelope informed him with a smug grin. "She doesn't like driving."

Another thing they had in common.

"I got the metro too, would you want to walk there together?"

"If you're happy with leaving now, yeah... yeah, I'd like that, Spencer."

She'd never called him by his name before. It felt weird and wonderful, and so right. His name was like the sweetest, most wonderful sound in the world when it came from her lips.

"Okay, yeah."

He was beaming, and as soon as his eyes met hers, his dimples making an appearance. Penelope gripped Luke's hand far too tightly to restrain herself from letting out a ear piercing squeal of joy, and she looked like she was on the verge of bursting into happy tears at any moment.

While Y/N was in the process of gathering her belongings and bidding Penelope goodbye, he didn't move. He was frozen in place, watching her with a huge grin, as if he was afraid that I'd he broke his gaze or something, he would wake up alone in a lumpy bed and have to get to work on another gruesome murder case as soon as his feet touched the gross hotel carpet.

Luke slapped Spencer on the shoulder, physically saying 'time to go, loverboy', and pushed him towards the open door. Spencer stumbled a little and looked like he was going to say something, but he just shook his head and waited for Penelope to stop whispering in Y/N's ear before they made their escape.

It was so quiet.

Without all the music and chattering of party guests, it was so quiet. The air was cool and refreshing, and the world was practically asleep or too drunk to bother walking home. They walked side by side, at a leisurely pace, and it was nice. There was a smidge of tension - obviously, you don't make out with your coworker in front of a bunch of people without there being some unsaid things still lingering in the air - but it wasn't unbearable. If anything, it felt... comforting, almost.

They'd got to their train with mere seconds left to spare. The automatic doors closed behind them, and they were seated in the carriage as soon as they spotted free seats. There were more people on the train than in the streets, though the pair would've been huddled together even if the carriage had been free. Mostly because it was really fucking cold out.

"Are you cold?" Spencer asked Y/N as she pulled her coat tighter around herself. "Do you want my jacket?"

"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine."

Spencer didn't listen - he could literally see her shivering in her boots - and was tugging his coat off his shoulders for her.

"Spencer-"

"I'm trying not to argue with you anymore but I will. Please? If you're cold, I can help you with that."

And this time, she didn't protest as he slid his coat over her shoulders. "Thanks," she said softly, and he felt a little giddy. Even though his jacket didn't really go with her outfit, it was the best thing he'd ever seen. Y/N was wearing his clothes. His! He didn't even know how that was possible, but it was before his eyes so it had to be. He didn't know why it made him feel so damn good, but it did.

"Any time."

He couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear.

Coincidentally, they had to get off at the same train stop and, without verbalising it to her, Spencer had decided to walk her home. He was a hardened FBI agent (that was allowed to skip the physical tests because his brain was too valuable to rule out, but hey) and could walk home without being scared by all the shadow monsters that come out in the dark of the night. Plus, his apartment was in the same general direction.

During their walk, one completely normal streetlamp - completely the same as the rest of the others on the street - happened to be shining its light directly on a store that Spencer was very familiar with. Y/N, however, was more familiar with the item on show in the middle of the shop window.

"...Daffodils."

Daffodils can be found in almost any florist across the world. But it was the fact that the florist was named 'Wordsworth's', that twigged Y/N's attention. That paired with the poem meant that it wasn't so outlandish to assume that whoever left her weekly flowers probably got them from this shop. Out of the two of them, Spencer was the profiler but he could tell he was made.

The case of the appearing daffodils had been solved.

"How much money have you wasted on me?" she asked, eyes still fixed on the price sign right next to the bouquet in the window.

Spencer continued to grin at Y/N as she ogled at the flowers in the window, standing under the spotlight. It was nice to see her still be so enamoured with something he frequently bought for her. "It wasn't a waste," he announced, and he meant it. "You're worth it."

"I am?" she asked, sounding surprised. "I guess I kind of assumed you hated me before tonight."

A huff was released from his nose and averted his gaze to his shoes for a brief moment before he looked back up at her. She tilted her head a little, curious as to why he seemed so put out. "I'm really bad at dealing with my emotions," he clarified.

"Okay," she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "You don't have to buy me flowers."

"I want to. I'll buy you whatever you want," he said without thinking.

Y/N laughed, the sound so light and carefree and getting closer to him until she was right before him, and for a moment, he didn't feel the chill in the air. Y/N seemed to think about it for a second, her expression flickering between amusement and nervousness, before she grabbed his face and kissed him.

It started out slow, lips barely touching lips, but it soon picked up pace until the kiss became frantic and Spencer lost his footing on a patch of icy pavement, causing them both to plummet to the floor. They hit the ground with an 'oof' and tumbled into a heap on the curb, Y/N falling on top of Spencer's chest.

For a long moment, nothing happened. Then, all of a sudden, they burst out laughing. Spencer leant on his elbows, grinning up at Y/N and feeling his heart rate increase at the sensation of her pressed up against him.

"Are you okay?"

"Shhhh... Just kiss me again."

So he did.

Eventually, they got up, cleaned their hands with the pocket squeezy sanitiser Spencer kept on him at all times and continued their walk home.

"Did you know that putting a bouquet in the fridge prolongs the lifespan of flowers?" Spencer began, watching her out of the corner of his eye.

"Really? That's not true."

"The daffodils I have in my refrigerator say otherwise."

"You don't have daffodils in your fridge."

"I do too."

Despite how earnest he sounded, she still didn't believe him. Was it really believable that he filled up his fridge for weeks with a bouquet of daffodils for her? Because he liked her so much? What did he do with his food? Did the flowers contaminate it? Or did he store them in containers? Why would he do that for her when he treated her like he had before tonight?

"I could prove it to you, if you want?"

Oh. He subtly just asked her to his place without thinking - which was good, overall - but his apartment was in no shape to host guests in. There were books everywhere. Laundry strewn on the couch. One or two half drunk coffee cups left out on the kitchen counter. It was a mess. A clean mess, but still.

"You want me to come over to check out your fridge?" she asked him.

He hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, we could have a coffee and I have a tub of mango sorbet that we could share." He shrugged, pretending to be all calm and casual. "But only if you want to - no pressure - seriously, none. We can forget I ever asked if -"

"Show me your fridge, Dr Reid."

Being a homebody meant that Spencer was always excited to go home. He'd never been this excited before. They hoofed it to get out of the cold, and once they were indoors, they stood in front of an opened fridge to peer inside at the batch of flowers that took up an entire shelf. He didn’t have much else going on in there - why would he keep a lot of fresh produce when he is away for extended periods that they'd become rotten during? - but the daffodils was enough entertainment.

That night, the pair ate sorbet and talked. Really talked. Spencer apologised over and over for his behaviour, and though one night wouldn't erase multiple semester's worth of annoyance, it was a start.

And when the new term commenced, Y/N was expecting to see a single daffodil on her desk as she had the previous.

She didn’t. Not a single flower was in sight.

So, in her momentary disappointment, she reached into her drawer and pulled out her scrapbook to flick through all the flower pressings and post it note poems she'd glued in a fancy looking layout.

"I didn't know you kept them all."

Spencer's voice caused Y/N's head to shoot up from the page and found him in her office doorway with a whole bouquet of daffodils in his hand. Her eyes lit up and she beelined for him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"My train was late, petal."

"Excuses, excuses, Dr Reid."

"Oh, it's Dr Reid today?" he teased, leaning close enough to nudge his nose into hers. "Do you think sweet cheeks is too unprofessional, Dr L/N?"

"Maybe it is, sweet cheeks."

The flowers were gently placed on the nearest surface so Spencer could use both hands to cradle her cheeks and pull her in for a kiss. He smiled against her lips and the corners of his eyes crinkled in happiness. Because he'd done it. He'd actually done it. He'd gained her affection.

And now he had it, he was never going to let it wilt. It may have to go in the fridge for a moment or two, but it would always be brought back into the sunlight.

[web1entropy]

[redacted] & ren headcanons (1/?)

characters: [redacted], ren, angel | reader word count: ~900 (not proofread) content warning: other than typical yandere themes, light angst, & wiretapping, the post is fairly tame a/n: i'm using the term 'headcanons' very, very liberally here. this post serves as a way for me to get a better feel for ren\ [redacted] (more so the latter than the former).

–whereas ren types in a way that exudes warmth\ friendliness by injecting as many emoticons (as socially acceptable) and tries to match your texting energy by responding in kind (sending memes back, responding with a sticker, or reacting to your messages), the opposite is said for [redacted].

–[redacted]'s texting style leans more towards being terse and straight to the point, thereby coming off as a bit... dry. moreover, they prefer to abbreviate most words to save milliseconds from *being away from you typing. you could write the most long-winded paragraph with multiple subtopics nested within and they'll respond with a simple "lol yea" or "oh?" before maybe offering a further commentary on whatever you wrote.

–they try to offset this effect by responding with a (purple) heart (if it's contextually appropriate).

–to further elaborate: it's not that they're uninterested in talking with you (as if such a concept is even possible; their leg rapidly bounce from exaltation as their eyes are glued to the screen because holy shit-- you're talking to them over anyone else, which means that your attention is on them and no one else!), it's more so that they don't have anything to share and they prefer that the focus of the conversation shouldn't shift away from whatever you wish to talk about.

–80% of the time, the conversation will conclude in [redacted] asking if they could call you instead. in general, they'll always opt for voice-to-voice communication since a little indelible past incident that had occurred on an online forum (?!) made them detest texting.

–chatting with you through video or voice calls assuages past memories of staring vacantly into nothing, one hand partially covering their face while the other picks up lint from their clothes, a frigid sensation spreads from deep crevices of their heart to the end of their limbs as they listen to the audio from their monitor of you speaking with some person (i.e. your friend). in your voice, they hear a vivid lilt that is a sharp contrast to the tone you've used with them when they attempted to approach you in real life.

–after doing it on photographs they own of you for years, it's no wonder one of their favourite act of physical contact is gently tracing your countenance: from the bottom of your chin, up to your lips, moving high to the arch of your apple cheeks— upon which their thumb lingers there for a few seconds, lightly stroking the spot below your eye —, then drawing upward from your temple to the outline of your eyebrows. finally, they consummate this gesture by placing a peck on the tip of your nose.

–[redacted]'s sense of humour is a derivative of a specific form of trolling -- being as provocative as possible while hiding behind the scrim of sincerity. it took time and practice to learn how to perfect and effectively manipulate a persona that can elicit a strong response from others. along the same vain, (affectionately) bantering with them is a bit of an issue since it's hard to get a rise out of them. it's further complicated by the fact that they know you more than you know yourself. nevertheless, it becomes easy to tease back once you find out that their weak spot is anything related to you :3c.

–it requires a decent degree of social and emotional intelligence to play a persona (whether it's acting out whoever is your current subject of affection or impersonating someone for nefarious purposes :3) and make it convincing to observers.

–Unfortunately, they don't have a meme folder on standby-- so they were taken completely off-guard when you hit them with a meme in lieu of a response. cue a distressed ren frantically searching up 'funny meme' on google images (of all places) while muttering 'not funny. gross. not funny. absolutely not. not funny. what the hell does that even mean?!'

–you're the only person [redacted] have saved to their contact list (and the only number they've memorised by heart). on nights that drag long and sleep deprivation begins to set in, hunched in front of the intense artificial light of their monitor, their gaze lingers on the 'dial' button on their screen as they can feel the dull ache in their heart stir over how easy it is to reach you; yet, they know good things never came easy to them.

–ren's freak out at the movie's jump-scare was a genuine reaction, not because he's afraid (as one might surmise), but because of how high-strung he is from that day's rollercoaster of events-- and now he's in your apartment watching a movie together like it's the most normal thing in the world?! he was deep in his reverie of domestic bliss and before it got cut short by the ear-piercing scream from the tv.

–they might or might not have attempted to make a short video game confessing their feelings to you. they'll resume their project after the events of the story and make it as an anniversary surprise.

–[redacted] being a fan of gothic music... i needn't elaborate more...(also I firmly believe from the bottom of my heart that pictures of you by the cure is one of their favourite songs.)

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Special Chapter: Comments and Analysis

WELCOME BACK, CCS FAAAAAAAAAAAANSSS!!!!!

Oh my god 3 months went already by from that December 1st and chapter 80, didn't they?? Feels like yesterday 🙈But we're finally here, finally ready for the release of the definitive, last SPECIAL CHAPTER of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card!!!! After this, no more CCS for at least a while!!

Why do you see me so euphoric?? WELL, THERE IS MORE THAN ONE VERY GOOD REASON 😂 But let's not jump the gun and let's introduce this post properly: this time around, I won't be posting pictures to "illustrate" the analysis/commentary, because this special chapter was treated differently from the other ones. It didn't get, in fact, a free release on CLAMP's Youtube channel, in any language, and wasn't even uploaded for digital purchase on Comic Days like all the rest of the chapters. The only way to obtain it was via the April issue of Nakayoshi, either with the physical or digital version. Since it is clear to me their intention to keep this gem of a special chapter away from the internet jungle, and since lately I used only the screenshots from Youtube to illustrate my analysis, this time around I won't be posting anything (aside from the color page, which was released by the official account themselves).

AND! I won't be mixing analysis and summary, because I have already conveniently prepared some screenshots with a detailed summary of the chapter for the people who were curious to know, but didn't get to see the chapter yet or did see it but couldn't read Japanese. I have already posted these screenshots on my Twitter account, and I'll put them here too under the cut (please don't repost them around or in other social media), so you can immediately get a broad view on the content of the chapter (I don't have to point out translation mistakes, haha 😅), and then, afterwards, I'll write my commentary. And there is SO MUCH to say!!

But before starting, we can't break the tradition right at the LAST ROUND of our chapter commentaries, right?? So off we go, with the GIF OF THE MONTH!!

Yes, I think this is the GIF that can represent this chapter the most. 😂

The Color Page

This special chapter is composed of 33 pages, and of course I can't avoid starting my commentary precisely from the color page!!

I admit it, I hoped for a color spread with the four main characters of Clear Card (hence, including Kaito and Akiho too), but since the other two appeared with their own color page just in chapter 79, we'll gladly take this single color page with SyaoSaku too!! ❤️ The JP text reads "We've been together till now, and we will always be! Featuring a long-awaited special chapter!!" Syaosaku look absolutely adorable....and so, so happy!! Looking at us, from a wreath made of cherry blossoms, of course dressed in their image colors pink and green, in a "pair look"...I think their shiny smiles conquered the hearts of the entire fandom (saw many comments about it) and it is certainly a perfect introduction to a chapter that is, indeed, completely made of this happy, leisurely, warm atmosphere. I feel like it tastes even better, after all the anxiety they made us go through, right? I'm pretty sure that was CLAMP's goal all along, giving us this little reward after all the hard situations they've put their characters through. This color page looks like Sakura and Syaoran are saying "goodbye" to us, holding their hands in a lover's hold, but seeing them so cute and happy definitely soothes the sad feeling 🥲 Until we meet again...hopefully!

Letters From Around The World

But it's when the chapter starts that we get our first surprise: the time skip is of one entire year!!! We left our little heroes at the end of the first year of Tomoeda Middle school, ready to go in spring break and then start the second year...here, Sakura says she's in her spring break of the next year, ready to become a 9th grader!!! I almost couldn't believe they actually went that far, I knew from CLAMP's podcast that there was a timeskip, but I expected just some months! Although....I have to say the characters don't look that different, Mokona said she made them a tiny bit older and she kept true to that, because it's barely visible! 🤭 But if you compare them with how they looked at the middle of the story, of course the difference is visible.

I was so happy to see that the chapter started right away with a letter from Akiho: a letter or a videocall was definitely among the type of content I wanted to see in this chapter, because of course I still was quite preoccupied about the difficult journey Akiho and Kaito embarked on, so I wanted to see how they were faring. The amount of letters Sakura accumulated over the span of this year tells me that they moved around quite a lot, and she had always something to share with her "long-distance sister" 🤭 Kero praising Akiho's skills and even feeling some sort of "reverence" for her insane talent to find all the crazy and rare books was so funny and nice!! 😂Sakura is adorable, feeling all proud about the talent of her "sister" 🤭 Loved that they actually mentioned the place where Akiho and Kaito are currently at!! (cause they didn't reveal where they'd go first, in chapter 80, and I guess we'll never know). I appreciated SO SO much that they let us see that Akiho didn't drop, but actually continued to practice her sewing skills like she was doing before everything went down the drain with the Alice in Clockland play: moreover, finding out later that this skill is also helping her greatly with the true ambition of her life made me incredibly satisfied. How cute of her to send outfits for Kero and Suppy, even from far away??

I was quite surprised to find out that Akiho sends all the rare books to Eriol, and then laughed my as* off at Kero saying he's selling them off (the way Kero phrases it in JP makes it look a QUITE shady activity 😂). This shows there's a continued collaboration between the "group" in England and YunaAki, and it's very nice. They're not only "taking" support from Eriol, Akiho also does return the favor, providing Eriol with the books he needs.

And then....got really emotional to know that Kaito wrote a letter to Sakura, back when they left one year ago 🥲 I DID feel like some kind of acknowledgement or apology from Kaito to Sakura was missing from chapter 80 (but honestly, with everything they had to explain, where they could fit that?) and so this little mention completely fixed that sense of "he made a mess and barely managed to apologize to Akiho before leaving". Kaito isn't an ass*ole so of course he would've done something like that, and a letter seems perfect for an introvert boy of few words like him. I imagine the letter wasn't really long either. The little moon on the sealing wax...❤️The fact that Sakura is storing that single letter together with Akiho's letters in a specific box makes me almost cry. She cares for those two so, so much! 😭 Sakura wishes to receive more letters from Kaito and I really hope he will open up to her along the way, because he could benefit ENORMOUSLY from her advices and perspective! Also THANK YOU CLAMP for giving us a little "still" of those two next to eachother from the moment when they were leaving Tomoeda, with the suitcases and all 🥲that last faraway shot of all four of them together in chapter 80 was so great, but I wanted to see them like this too!

The SyaoSaku Date

Aaaaaand then we get to the long awaited, craved, coveted SYAOSAKU DATE!!! 🤣 I can't count how many people I've seen wishing for this....to be honest I was going to be ok with any kind of sweet moment between the two, but gotta admit that a carefree afternoon watching a stage play and then taking refreshment at a café gives this sense of normal, complete fun that was missing a bit for them. They are dressed in a very fancy way (loved that Sakura isn't wearing her usual long one-pieces but something different, with puff shorts! A sign of her growing up?) and even though they're not exactly wearing a "pair look" (too corny, maybe?), they are well matching eachother's outfits. And of course we find out that Tomoyo made Sakura's cute outfit and even the decorations on Syaoran's collar! The fact she was the one asking Syaoran to wear them at the date is kinda funny, like some sort of guidance into looking like a couple, thanks to the matching decorations! Tomoyo really takes care of everything....yes....everything. 🥲 The mention of Sakura's wedding dress of course made me go "OH MY GOD" and made me realize that if Tomoyo is already mentioning that.......we aren't *that* far away from that day (I always imagined SyaoSaku marrying early, since they're soulmates and got together so young!! 😆). Truly an emotional, sweet moment that was reinforced by Tomoyo's tender expression in the flashback. Her resolution to devote herself to learn to design even normal everyday outfits, or date outfits, everything that could accompany her dear Sakura everyday, reminded me that Tomoyo found her very own way to be with Sakura, and she's perfectly content with that. Tomoyo's happiness is seeing Sakura happy, and she will do anything to achieve that. ✨

Syaoran and Kaito's Friendship

And then my blushy blushy Sakura changes topic and suddenly throws me on the floor in a fit of laughter, because seeing Syaoran's confused look while he was trying to make sense of the pictures Kaito sent him on his phone WAS HONESTLY PRICELESS. 😆 My god, how long have I wished to see them like this? Moving their timid steps into a friendship (since their girlfriends are like sisters and Sakura literally saved Kaito's derriere), being their awkward dorky selves...they surprisingly get along so well and Syaoran doesn't seem to hold resentment towards him, which is GREAT for me!! He's learning from Sakura to just let go of hard feelings, when you've found out the person who acted in an oppositive way was just in a very desperate situation and had actually no ill intentions. And that makes me incredibly happy. Kaito needs all the support he can get, to make the right decisions in his life, and I can totally see him finding a particular connection with Syaoran, due to how they're both moon boys, who would give their life for the person they love. I think precisely for this, precisely because Syaoran can understand to a degree Kaito's situation and behavior, he wouldn't feel judged and would feel more free to establish a connection with him. I was k*lled with laughter and endearment when I saw that Syaoran felt confused, but still tried to understand Kaito's peculiar way of communicating with him 😂 And guess what? I think he doesn't realize it, but he's totally starting to get it! 😂The way our wolfie boy snaps that picture IMMEDIATELY as the cat passes by, and how he only framed the ear, really shows how in the end he's speaking "the same language" as Kaito 😂 Seeing Sakura so excitedly think to herself that the two became such good friends made me scream "SAME SAKURA-CHAN, SAME!!!" 😂 All in all, seeing these two having such a relaxed, comfortable date talking about their friends and stuff that happened lately made me completely feel that one year that elapsed, and now they act totally like a couple that's been dating for quite some time. 😊 Ooooh thank you sensei, really. Thank you so much for this scene. 🙏

The Moon Is Really Beautiful, Right?

BUT! The real reason why CLAMP will always have my heart and my gratitude is hidden in the next scene. 😂

Oh my god, the screams I've belted out when I saw them. And when I've read THAT. But let's go in order, let's go in order and not jump the gun! We're in Germany, Akiho and Kaito now seem to be living in an apartment in a nice building! They're still talking in keigo, and still calling eachother "Akiho-san" and "Kaito-san". 😊

Kaito SMILES genuinely at the picture Syaoran sent him!! And answers, to an observant Akiho, that he's having fun!! 😭HIM! The one who couldn't understand what was fun in interacting with others!!! He looks honestly so radiant and happy, a sign that his mental recovery is going strong. And that he's slowly expanding his "trusted people" network. 🥲🙏Also, he looks younger than ever!!! 😂

It made me INCREDIBLY HAPPY to see that Akiho didn't drop the "hobby" she had started in chapter 26 (ages ago!!), remember this scene?

I remember how much I loved to know she had started learning how to do this, because together with my friends, at the time, we all thought this could easily become her aspiration in life......and guess what?? CLAMP confirmed she wants to take on a job revolving around books and book repairing!! This is all canon!! T___T oh my happy tears.... There's a sense of pride in seeing that this journey for Akiho isn't only revolving around finding the cure for Kaito's shortened lifespan (which hurt his body terribly) and restarting his "stopped time", or finding Momo and the Alice in Clockland book, but she's also got the mental resolution to do something for herself, for what she wants to do in life, something that is completely disconnected from Kaito. Again, I cannot reiterate enough how this girl doesn't have an unhealthy codependent relationship with Kaito, and she's completely capable of thinking about her own future, aspirations and wishes. She wants him with her, and she could never live happily without him, but the love of her life isn't the only thing that exists for her. It is incredibly satisfying to see her working hard for her own future, where she'll be able to contribute (especially financially) to their livelihood. I can see Kaito helping her and assisting her with that. The other day I was dreaming away with my friends about Kaito and Akiho managing a "book cafè" together somewhere, how impossibly sweet that would be?

Seeing this volitive, ambitious, strong-willed Akiho once again filled my heart immensely. And I wasn't the only one, apparently.....

Oh god, you have no idea of the SHRIEKS I belted out when I saw Kaito saying "the moon is really beautiful, right?" in full daylight. Like. It is absolutely unmistakable at this point what kind of love he feels for her, and while I always knew, I'm sure the character took his own sweet time and personal introspection to reach that conclusion. If you remember, I've always said it and reiterated it at the end of chapter 80: Kaito won't understand things overnight, it will take a long time. And one year, at that age, is enough of a long time to come to terms with one's feelings and understanding what exactly they mean. They lived all that time together as two "equals", no more butler/boss bullsh*t, so they had even more opportunities to see eachother's true colors. And Kaito couldn't help but fall even more in love with Akiho, to the point that seeing her working so excitedly for her future made him gently overflow with that feeling....and said that sweet quote of Natsume Soseki that we all know, by now, what it means. I think the mere fact that what made his heart explode was seeing her so independent and strong, is a good sign that Kaito's love for her is the healthy and supportive kind, too. He doesn't love her and feels attracted to her soul because she's a weaker, younger, malleable being that he can dominate (as a toxic relationship would portray), but at the contrary, because she's free and strong and wonderful on her own. The more he sees her shining, the more that feeling grows. Throughout this scene, he looks at her and talks to her in such an intensely sweet way, you can totally see he's smitten with her.

The most popular reply to someone who confesses with "the moon is beautiful" is the equivalent of "I could die for you/I can die happy now", in Japanese. And Kaito had been unconsciously replying that way, with his actions, the whole damn time during the serialization of Clear Card. But since he took it way too literally, things were really heading to tragedy. Nobody wanted him to die for real, and yet, subconsciously, that was the only way he had found to give outlet to an enormous amount of feels that he couldn't express (because it wasn't appropriate, and nobody would ever love him, and he only caused her pain, and he had to let go of Akiho anyway at the end of it).

So considering all of THAT, this "I love you very much" he said now (he added とても, "very", like Akiho did ❤️) in this way, makes me think even more "yes, you finally understood what was the best way to convey it!" and therefore, it represents another character development for our moon boy. 🥲

There's debate over whether he had already understood what Akiho had meant, in chapter 48. I stand firmly by my convinction that, even if he was informed of the Japanese folklore tale around it, he quickly dismissed it as "no, she's meaning it literally for the moon", since he couldn't really believe that anyone would ever take interest in him, and was sure he would've always been alone. Otherwise, if he really understood and believed that Akiho was in love with him, I don't think he could've ever said that "I thought you didn't need me to be happy". It doesn't make sense. But everything that happened at the fake moon, and all her angry tears, and all her resolution to find a way to cure him, made him finally see that she really meant it in that way. ❤️So his own acceptance and introspection could finally start, and....it brought to this. ❤️ If you want to know more about the popular phrase "the moon is beautiful, right?", I invite you to check my first Clear Card Trivia post, focused on the literary and musical references portrayed throughout this story!

And LOL, I couldn't help but noticing several things in how this scene played out: first, he immediately "runs away" blabbering about the breakfast being ready, a very similar way to how he "ran away" in chapter 52 when Akiho could see right through him and was trying to express her support and feelings to him. This is definitely an indication (taking into consideration also how he acted when he was little) that the reason why Kaito walked away back then, slamming the door, had a sprinkle of embarrassment embedded in it, too. Yeah. I mean, look at the face he's making here, just before he notices, puzzled, that his hand is shaking:

He's smiling so tenderly, among the pain he's feeling because of his poor health. He even laughs! He's happy he heard that! But he just couldn't stay hearing any longer, back then. Now, in this scene of the special chapter, he literally throws "the bomb" and runs away without hearing her answer or reaction 😂😂😂this is definitely embarrassment, and I'd like to think there's even a hint of teasing streak that I've always seen between the lines in his personality. It came out particularly with Syaoran and Momo, but Akiho isn't excluded from this dynamic! 😂

And excuse me, but Akiho's reaction literally made me roll on the floor laughing!! 😂The poor girl is probably so used to live abroad, and Japanese folklore isn't probably coming up immediately in her mind anymore, despite it's a phrase SHE used HERSELF back then! 😂Or maybe it's because she didn't really expect it from him, and so she took a moment to connect the dots. Either way, it was extremely funny! And I can't absolutely avoid pointing out how our girl isn't blushing like mad anymore, but just slightly.... I mean. It must have been quite clear to her too, by now, that her feelings were in some kind "reciprocated", be it for what Sakura said back at the fake moon, his decision to go back to her, and his decision to reveal his true name, hence giving her his most vulnerable part of himself... This isn't a shock for her, and she probably waited patiently, patiently, for him to finally say something like this. So maybe, more than embarrassed, she's surprised that the day finally came! 🥲 Goodness. This really puts all my worries to rest, Akiho will truly be happy. And it makes total sense that CLAMP made him say this now, and not at the end of chapter 80. As I said, more time was needed. This entire scene leaves me with a sweet, soft, comfortable feeling, and it's totally how I've always imagined their relationship to be. Also....no more of that "he loves her as a daughter/sister" crap, not canon-wise at least. 😊

One last thing I have to point out about this scene, which curiously reconnects everything together, is that recently CLAMP have announced the themes to which their upcoming exhibition will revolve around: among them, there's LOVE (of course!), and among the decorations surrounding the featured character on the key visual (Sakura, for now, but there's at least another one coming!) there are a couple of birds too. Birds are, in this sense, a symbol of love in CLAMP's language. I couldn't really help but noticing all the birds flying outside the window next to Akiho, the moment Kaito says that "the moon is really beautiful, right?". Basically, CLAMP were trying to scream it all over the place, however they could. 😂

"Momo-san?!"

It was so nice to see Yukito and Kero-chan gossiping about Touya right in his face, with the complete intention to tease him 😂in that sense, Yukito really seems like a sweet and harmless character, but don't be fooled! His teasing power is over 9000!! 😂Touya's killing glare made me crack up! He's so done for, now that both Kero and Yukito can tease him in the open! 😂😂😂

But please, please, let me scream about MOMO!!! Oh my god I would've never accepted a special chapter that didn't feature her!! Aaaaahhh I'm so glad to see that she's fine 🥲 The conversation between her and Sakura made clear to me that she isn't that free to move how I imagined her to be. Certainly, she decides where to go and who the book stays with (and when to leave), but the impartiality imposed on her role doesn't allow her to act freely like she wants, unless she pays a price. And she decided to pay a price, not to see Akiho and Kaito, but to go and thank Sakura herself first. Because, as her "those kids" suggests, she of course still feels some kind of maternal instinct towards them, and as any mother would do, she wants to thank Sakura from the bottom of her heart for having helped and saved those two. Even her body language (the position of her hands) portrays that. And excuse me, but I A B S O L U T E L Y loved how CLAMP clarified once and for all, addressing directly the complaints of their own fandom, that Sakura wasn't forcingly dragged into a matter that wasn't related to her. Everything she did, she decided to do it because she felt it touched her personally. From the moment she became Akiho's friend and came to care for her, everything that happened and everything that she was involved with was related to her too. This wasn't "somebody else's business" anymore. Because Akiho is one of her most beloved friends, no matter how "fast" that happened. Some relationships bloom almost immediately, because the connection is just that strong. And so, this turned into just another expression of "your happiness is my happiness", with Sakura acting according to what her heart suggested. As Kaito is Akiho's most beloved person, Sakura couldn't help but care for him too, because doing so would've made her friend happy, in a wonderful "circulation of love".

Special mention for the scene with pregnant Lilie, oh my god I didn't really expect this either. How long ago I wrote that Tumblr post about cosmos flowers and the origin of Akiho's name? A couple of weeks ago? It's like CLAMP answered my curiosity, with this scene. I still keep my interpretation in my heart, but I also love the logic "it is a flower that keeps the same name in many countries". Of course. "Wherever you'll go, you'll always be your unique self". (And now I want to cry, mama's heart is so big😭) The way Lilie keeps her hands over her womb made me tear up. The ring isn't there anymore, a sign that she probably already gave it to Momo (understandably, since once Akiho would be born, she wouldn't really have much time left). The baby bump isn't that noticeable, probably because she's at the beginning of her pregnancy. Who knows if she kept seeing little Kaito while she was pregnant. 🥲Who knows if in the scene where she's telling him about how wonderful it is to have something you love, especially a person, she was already pregnant with Akiho. 🥲

Momo and Sakura's final words made me understand that Momo cannot go back to Akiho and Kaito till the circumstances and the moment is right. Whether it depends on Akiho's wish, or the right cosmic arrangement, it's surely not in the short term. Especially considering the limited scope of Momo's agency. It cannot come from Momo (unless she pays a huge price), it needs to come from them, strongly enough. I also want to think that, again as an acquired mother figure, Momo wants those two to find their own way, identity and figure out their relationship on their own, without her interference. I'm sure she's keeping an eye on them from faraway, though. 🥲Even though this still feels bittersweet because I wanted to see them reuniting in canon so badly, it gave me lots of hope for the future. Momo is just waiting for the right moment, and she'll be ready to embrace them when the time is right. Maybe, who knows, we'll see that reunion in another series or in a special publication in the future?

The End

And then....the final scene 🥲NOW it is finally clear what Ohkawa meant in that one Twitter Space, when she mentioned that there was a reason why they never featured Sakura's birthday!!! THEY NEEDED TO KEEP THE EXCLUSIVITY FOR THIS!! 😂 I'm so glad they did, really...it's so sweet to see her reaching 14 years old (the "standard age" of many shoujo heroines! 😂) and seeing Syaoran giving her a present, with that strikingly sweet smile full of love...but most importantly....the breathtaking final double spread 🥲🥲🥲🥲 The way she pulls his hand close to her chest, to her heart, while saying that Syaoran will be forever and ever her most important and special person.....really, this chapter is meant to k*ll us all with feels!🥲and I love how CLAMP keep finding ways to portray their physical displays of affection without resorting to the classic, most wanted (but also probably considered not appropriate yet) "kiss". The very final page is a direct parallel of a page from chapter one, where Sakura was going to school alone and looked back down the street to admire the cherry blossoms in full bloom.

Now, she's not alone anymore, but actually hugging the love of her life on her special day! Really, what a wonderful and fulfilling way to give the final touch to this amazing story! 🥲 Her very last line also contributed to this. Sakura leaves us again, 24 years after the first ending, with words of positivity for the future, and love for her important people. This wraps everything up nicely, but it still keeps things quite "open-ended", hopefully in the eventuality to return to this wonderful series in the future. Sakura is growing up, as CLAMP wished, and it might be possible to see her dealing with more "grown-up" situations, magic and non-magic wise. But one thing is for sure, her relationship with her loved ones will always take top priority. ❤️

Well well well, we came to the end of this looooooong commentary for this special chapter too. I can't help but thank once again all of you who followed my posts all these years, and commented with your POVs on the story.

As I've said multiple times, Cardcaptor Sakura gave me so much ever since I was a kid, and this sequel was no exception. This special chapter, in particular, overflowed with things I wanted to see, and I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking so. I once again want to congratulate CLAMP for wrapping everything up nicely, and thank them from the bottom of my heart for these almost 8 years of emotional journey. 🙏

See you around with my other tumblr posts, and let's look forward to the release of volume 16 on April 1st, and hopefully, news about the anime sequel of Clear Card!!

[tossawary]

One of my favorite Discworld books is actually one of the more obscure ones, "Moving Pictures", which is about the invention of films and the movie business in this fantasy world that has dwarves and trolls and wizards and so on. It has its rough patches like every early Discworld book, but Ginger's speech about people who were born in the wrong time or wrong place for their dreams really gets to me in a good way, and I love all of the references to classic films and commentary on fame and creativity. It also has classic characters like Gaspode the Talking Dog and C.M.O.T. Dibbler, and it introduces Detritus's romance with another troll named Ruby.

Perhaps most importantly to me is that this book introduces Ponder Stibbons, who is a wizard, and who goes on in later books to be one of the most important members of the Unseen University (he holds like twelve different positions), in that he's one of the few people who can competently manage a project and so ends up managing nearly everything. (Bear with me, it's been a while since I read any Discworld and my memory is a little rough.) In "Moving Pictures", Ponder is the classmate (roommate?) of a fellow named Victor Tugelbend, who is one of the main characters.

Victor begins the book as a career student, in that a wealthy relative left him a great deal of money exclusively for school; so as long as he STAYS in school, all of his living expenses are paid for. If Victor graduates, that's the end of the money. If Victor drops out, that's the end of the money. But if Victor manages to hit a specific mark range in the 80s every year, then he gets to stay on for another year and try again, and so Victor is perhaps the most dedicated and knowledgeable wizardry student in the university's history, because you have to know what the right answer is in order to intentionally get a certain number of the questions wrong, so that you can continue to coast along on your college fund.

Ponder's graduation is (accidentally) Victor's fault, because Victor runs away to get into the movie business. (I won't spoil what happens, but it's VERY funny.) Now, I like to imagine after the events of the book, after Ponder holds a faculty position in the university, Victor comes BACK to the university occasionally as a disgustingly well-paid external consultant, which drives Ponder UP THE FUCKING WALL. Like, people are so stingy all of the time but SOMEHOW the university budget has room to bring your offensively handsome dropout roommate back just to say, "Hmm, yes, that looks bad. Have you tried turning it off and on again?" I'd throw a fit, honestly. (As soon as Ponder has enough seniority, he probably puts his foot down to stop this if Victor isn't actually useful. Maybe he is, idk, but maybe not for THAT consulting fee.)

I also like to imagine that Victor Tugelbend and Theda "Ginger" Withel are still together, maybe even still acting (badly? mediocre-ly? decently?) together, in some dingy little theatre (Ginger is the director and runs their acting troupe like a tyrant) where the front seats are regularly filled with middle-aged folks who still sigh over the memories of moving pictures. (Moving pictures are now, presumably, VERY illegal in Ankh Morpork.) Victor and Ginger have only because even more attractive as they've gotten older, which is EVEN MORE OFFENSIVE to poor Ponder because his former movie star former roommate is married to another gorgeous former movie star?! I'd throw another fit.

Anyway, I think Ponder deserves to have an affair with a pair of aging former movie stars. I like to imagine this purely because I think it's funny. He seems kind of busy for marriage, so joining someone else's marriage part-time might be good for him. It probably makes most of the rest of the Unseen University faculty breathlessly envious and that really does it for him.

And I think that this affair would OF COURSE be covered by every newspaper and tabloid in the city, including The Times, and William de Worde and Sacharissa Cripslock don't fully understand why their entertainment reporter is so breathlessly excited about people who were famous over a decade ago? (Supermarket tabloids love to tell me about alleged affairs of people who were famous 20+ years ago.) The article on Victor Maraschino and Delores De Syn's failing marriage* is their bestselling newspaper in months and William puts his head down on his desk in despair. (He's fine. This happens on a weekly at least basis. He just needs a minute.)

*Victor and Ginger are very happy with this situation, actually. They're going to take Ponder to dinner to go on a double date with Ruby and Detritus soon. Victor and Ponder are going to get distracted arguing about some of the Inadvisably Applied Magic research projects, but that's fine, because Ginger wants to talk to Ruby about this one-troll-woman-show concept. (Detritus will proudly hand out tickets at the Watch station and accidentally intimidate all of his coworkers into accepting the invitation.)