#but instant gratification tho
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"Patience is a virtue"
#I mutter to myself while resisting the urge to eat the meat sauce right out of the pot like the gremlin I am#I know it will be tastier if I can just wait for things to reduce down and the parmesian rind to work its magic#but instant gratification tho
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part 1 of a little comic / art sequence that i've been working on! :D it's part tribute, part experimenting with brushes n colors and trying new thingz :]
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and thus continues my endless quest of spreading the carrot fics like a plague! if you've seen my art floating around you probs already figured that this au holds a very special place in my heart, forever and always!!
if you haven't heard of it, it's a fic series by @crowned-ladybug called carrot soup!! it made me wish i could speak colors and i need more people to share my struggle xd
go check it out if you're into sweet voice lore and qpr level gayness and just wanna feel warm and soft and warm (hurt/comfort my beloved) <333 there are some heavier themes cos everyone's traumatized but they're working through it! be sure to check the tags and stay safe! <3
#hlvrai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#frenrey#carrots au#<- gotta remember to tag the other ones as well#yippie im so excited to finally start sharing these with people!!!#there will be at least 5 parts in total maybe more idk#i just wanted to illustrate this little snippet of the first fic#maybe i'll draw more of these if i get another vision#i am still trying to work on the animatic so that would probs include most of my visions anyway#i think im gonna post a wip sometime soon just in case i lose interest#also i crave validation and reading people's tags and comments makes me so so so happy!!!><#btw it kinda feels nice posting something like. after a while#cos it's been quite a bit since i finished this first.. part? page? thingy#and it's nice to finally stay out of the whole instant gratification thing#please do still go crazy in the tags tho? if u want?#mkay enough rambling for today i've got things to do#like be cozy n read fanfics n drink water n stuff yk?#all the important thingz#and who knows maybe i'll even make some progress on.. whatever it is that piques my interest today#bye for now!!! take care and have a very orange day <3#art tag or whatever
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#tko_art#hahah wrong eye shape#hers is more droopy and less awakey#wow colors suck#really hard#but i've noticed it doesn't feel like my brain is going to explode everytime I try to determine color and values#i kind of got too tired and wanted to giv eup so no tear drop#which made me sad because i did want to try that#but back hurts#gotta go to bed to fight god tomorrow/today#i love rendering skin tones#they're so much fun#lovely love#I have accidentally locked in#suddenly every single moment of time that i'm not spending to do art is unappealing and so damaging#i'm psyching myself out of doing things I know will give me instant gratification and will make me pretty happy for whattttttttt#it's kinda depressing#If i think about it too hard it's just a constant cycle of oh god this is it for the rest of my life#so no thinking it is!#blegh this seems so silly and trivial#i hope nobody reads this shit#i'd have to kill myself or something#im never gonna stop thinking about how i didnt say i loved you back#and it haunts me#and i cant stop thinking about what u said to me#and even tho u didnt say it harshly i cant stop my mind from running away from me#and theres something horribly wrong with me that i need to gouge out#i hope u never read this#i didnt want to be (x) how fucked up is that#i wish i wasnt like this i wish i didnt have to learn how to live with trauma i wish i was normal
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sorry this is just a vent post but like i hate school!!!! i hate, hate, hate it!!!! it's one assignment after the other and like i know that this is what i signed up for when i decided to become a high school teacher but like i dont want to do all this!!! i want to teach!!!! i want to watch kids go "ohhhh!" when the finally get a math concept! i want to watch kids smile when they realize they understand the math and now the worksheet is flying by!!!! i wanna help kids be less afraid of math!!!! i dont want to spend 4 years in college!!!! i want to be teaching already!!!!!
#my therapist says that i have issues with instant gratification or whatever but like#this is soooo exhausting and im only taking 2 classes#and like i get it. this is what i signed up for but like i just dont have time to do anything else bc im so busy with school#instead of clanking out timber drafts on docs im fuckin verbally spitting them out in the shower bc im so busy#and like i hate that i have no time for anything bc school takes up all of it!!!!#and im so nervous all the time and i constantly feel like im just barely getting the assignments in and even tho im doing well in the class#this is like my personal torturedome or whatever#introspective.txt
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hands is at least a lil funny to me in the way of like. guy both loves & doesnt care to play with his food, so to speak. like you wont catch him choosing to keep any person for any prolonged period of time - that loses his attention and his entertainment very fast. you wont see him holding a person for longer than maybe two days if that.
what he enjoys, though, is the thrill that comes with batting around victim but in the sense of the poor things already partly mutilated still clinging onto some thread of life still trying to fight back desperately but can barely stand or aim a swing on him or can barely form a string of words with any coherency.
what im saying is his enjoyment comes from prolonging the intense pain theyre in bc of him and teetering his victims on the precipice of death before he grows bored when they slow down too much and then he caves their faces in.
#none of his tags work thanks tumbly love u ^_^#also im in soloq hell rn & i want to throw a boulder at every hands so far. the Curse of having muse for a character that u wanna punch-#anyways tho. where my nancy likes to... toy with & experiment & torture those she keeps for a while and where johnny likes the#thrill of a cat&mouse and keeping them to torment himself - hands' attention span is very Limited & he wants near-instant gratification#over something continuing on for days or weeks even. he doesnt have the patience for that. he wants them ripped open as soon as possible.#violence tw#gore mention tw#torture mention tw#jic but if anyone needs something else tagged lmk <3
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Oh the cyrusXvarric wip might end up being a lot more short & sweet than i thought
#accidentally wrote my way into the ending dialogue way too early but like i like it!#and it means i could actually like finish it this week??#(tho it does mean skipping cyrus getting tickled & a more serious convo about where they go from here#but im the only person who cares about the logistics of getting from this to the start of veilguard)#(it also means im physically restraining myself from posting more snippets bc then what will be left for ppl to read!!)#also its been a weird mind-body week and i want that instant gratification
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My little gf animation is doing numbers on TikTok. I sure hope this won’t alter my brain chemistry
#Aven Lore that I was decently successful on tiktok in 2020 with art stuff and it totally ruined me and drawing for at LEAST a year#like the number validation is so real I love instant gratification success. but it’s so sos so bad for my mental health that I haven’t rlly#used it again since then.#BUT ALSO LIKE ITS NICE BEING RECOGNIZED FOR MY WORK TO A GOOD AMNT OF PPL#me when I actually am into something relevant: pleek. let me in on the fun.#tho ofc I adore my niche fandom communities of 10 ppl#yall r the real ones
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i should probably stop posting shit in the middle of the night if i want people to actually see it i guess 😂
#but listen.#night is usually when i'm most active#and i'm an instant gratification gremlin#it is so hard to want to just schedule a post for later or queue it for later when i can post it the instant i draft it#just for the satisfaction of knowing it's done even tho logically i know it's not any less done if i schedule it for daytime hours#eh. this is what morning reblogs are for i guess?#tor thoughts
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love when its like ough cant draw anyhting (someone talks to u about the thing you like) oh (draws thirty really nice comics in a row)
#i will draw anything now the energy#the energy in my brain#EXCEPT the prompt in my askbox. because i keep forgering it is there#you (ppl who know what my art blog is) may be thinking wow it has been very dry all weekend tho. wellthat is because i do not control when#the nice comics get posted. i just throw whatever in there.#refuse to post things instantly because instant gratification scares me#and the terror of waking up to 50 notifs because a post got popular is way funnier#o
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Hey, regarding your previous timeline post, I was wondering if you would make an official timeline like the one on the warriors wiki that contains the year and season various events, births and deaths happened. I think that would be really cool!
Would love to! A lot of the big projects like that are more of a matter of me being chronically unable to focus on one thing for too long.
In fact here, lemmie just show what I've been working on for the past week. It's an unfinished list of the reduxed characters so far, the ones that are considerably different from canon, with summaries and links to relevant posts
Re: It is not finished, it cuts off towards the end.
After this one I'd like to do allegiences for Bonefall TPB, since that's the most complete arc AND one of the shortest chronologically speaking. It'll help a lot going forward, especially as I pick who lives 'n dies in TNP.
And my asks are piling up again :///
#Bone babble#and also I got asked about cat stats and i want to draw a stat sheet#I wanted to do sketch requests tonight and then got wrapped up talking about Po3 again LMAO#I don't regret it tho because I have been having fun#Instead of brain there is instant gratification monkey
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i missed madds' stream. :( i wanted to ask about the discord server cus there's no link and idk if it's a sub only thing 😭
#i also wanted to prime sub during the stream#wondering whether to wait another week or sub now and see if i get the discord#i love instant gratification tho so ill sub now .#Charlie chatters#edit: nvm my prime sub is available in 5 days
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woo cleaned out my closet/clothes drawers AND bought a bunch of clothes 🎉👏
#i have to wait till the 10th of sept to get the clothes tho……#instant gratification is the worst thing to happen to me personally#🗣️lilli speaks
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#god i need to quit my stupid fucking games but theyre feeding my metaphorical instant gratification monkey and keeping me not burnt out#like yes that time could be allocated towards more productive endeavours. but i Cannot live that way i need a minimum amount of stupid#and playing video game probably isnt the best way to do this but like wtv#i do want to be able to do other stuff without feeling anxious tho#which in retrospect is not a good sign#hm.#i could time my game time but thatd just make me feel guilty when i play which defeats the entire purpose of playing game#hhhhh#its fine#ill give my brain sth else to gnaw on eventually#still havent finished india before europe bc of new interest in 300 tang poems... man if only i hadnt dedicated sm time into my stupid game#so i can abandon them without feeling bad#oh well
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its weird what commerce this area does and doesnt have i think it contributes to it not sucking even though it's so close to the big city
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the monkey in my brain took over today bc i was too productive yesterday and the day before. i made muffins though! (didn’t finish the assignment i have due tomorrow morning until after 1am though…)
#the curse of adhd#i spent loads of time on sunday and monday studying and i was rly proud of myself for getting shit done#and BOOM monkey takes over and i am suddenly incapable of executive function. instant gratification only!#i’m gonna share the muffins w/ my friends tmr tho :)
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the agonizing process of waiting for the ao3 invite queue to let me in 😭 i am being so normal about this!!! i just wanna upload stuff!!!
#i say this like i have. more than one thing to upload#i wanna write more#but our brain is bad#and its like well why write if youre not gonna be able to post it#its not all abt the instant gratification#'but what if it is tho...'
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