#but insecure!quinn does bad things to me

[puckinghischier]

so the clip of quinn asking the producer if his hair looks good, we’ve all seen it, right? cause i’m just thinking about it and how yeah it was probably a joke, but it’s sooooo insecure!quinn coded. like i’m sure he was nervous, and he really did want to look good for the camera. and it’s got me thinking about what it would be like to comfort insecure!quinn (i didn’t mean for this to be this long but i couldn’t stop once i started so here’s basically a three in one blurb 🫣)

it’s even things as simple as his pre-game outfits. he’s seen all the comments online about how he only wears the same few suits, so one day while you’re on the couch watching tv, he turns to you and asks if you’ll go suit shopping with him. of course you agree, but you ask him what’s got him so eager to expand his wardrobe.

“just…people keep saying i’m wearing the same thing all the time has me thinking i should probably go buy a couple more suits to wear for arrival pictures and stuff,” he shrugs, almost whispering, telling you it’s something he’s embarrassed about.

you reach over and run your hand through his hair, playing with the messy curls. “q, who cares if you wear the same suit every game day? you’re wearing it to walk in the building and out of it,” you speak softly to him, noticing he’s not meeting your eye. “but, if you want to go pick up a few more, i’d love to go with you and help you pick them out,” you tug lightly on his hair to get him to look over at you, bringing you hand down to toy with the tip of his ear.

he gives you a bashful smile, mumbling out a small “thanks,” before looking away again.

you lean over, replacing your hand on his ear with your mouth. “plus, you know how much i love looking at you in a suit,” you let your lips drag over the warm skin of his ear. “almost as much as i love looking at you without one on.”

quinn shudders at the feeling of your hot breath on his ear, making him forget what he was even thinking about before the current conversation.

~

of course, quinn’s constantly worried about being a good captain for his team, too. he doesn’t think he’s played long enough to earn it yet, not understanding why they picked him over some of the vets on the team.

so when he comes home after a particularly rough practice or a brutal loss, you can feel the insecurity radiating off of his body. the game that eliminated them from the playoffs, though? god, you never want to relive it.

he laid in your arms for hours, switching between crying and getting angry at himself. he kept telling you it was his fault. he was the reason they didn’t make it. they should’ve chosen a different person to be captain, not him. he clearly didn’t know what he was doing, or they’d be celebrating tonight instead.

you know that most of this is being caused by the questions he was asked after the game. one reporter in particular always asking the worst questions and getting under his skin. but you’re sure the group of drunk, upset fans outside of the rink who were yelling discouraging things to him only drove the knife deeper.

the way he talked about himself with so much disgust broke your heart in a way you never knew was possible. you knew he was always hardest on himself, but the fact he truly believes these things makes you worry you haven’t been doing your job correctly.

“quinn, i don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again, do you hear me?” you sat up, talking sternly but not harshly.

“well, it’s true. if they would’ve just picked someone else then-“

“stop!” you interrupted him, your sudden loudness causing him to pause, looking at you with wide eyes. “i’m sorry, i’m not trying to yell at you, but i’m not going to sit here and listen to you do this to yourself any longer,” you put just a few inches of distance between you and him on the large couch.

“you’re exactly who they wanted to lead this team or they wouldn’t have chosen you. you do have what it takes. hell, quinn, you got the team to the playoffs for the first time in 4 years. that has to count for something,” the tone of your voice is almost pleading, begging him to take what you’re saying to heart.

“your teammates love you. they look up to you. the fans love you. they were excited when you were named captain. i love you,” you take a moment, watching his face slowly change from distress to calm. “and i won’t sit here and listen to you say awful things about the man that i love. not for something that changes nothing about how i feel about you or your value as the captain of your team,” you finish, a knot forming in your throat because of how deeply you feel about the man sitting in front of you.

quinn just sits and looks at you, finally snapped out of his self destruct mode. “i…love you so much, you know that?” he tells you before pulling you into him and engulfing you in one of his ‘huggybear’ hugs.

“you’re right. i’m here because i deserve to be. and if you believe in me, who cares what anyone else thinks? i’ve got the best motivation right here in front of me,” he speaks into your neck, squeezing you tightly to his body, like he’s trying to press you into his skin, knowing he can always count on you to talk him out of his insecurities.

~

you get the rare moments, too, where quinn starts comparing himself to his brothers. you’d think as the oldest he’d know better, knowing that the two younger boys have always looked up to him, but once the media started trying to pit the three against each other, the seed of doubt crept its way into his thoughts.

it’s not even just about hockey, either. it’s the way jack is always so outgoing, the life of the party. and luke always seems so universally adored, his bashful charm winning him over with crowds.

quinn? quinn feels like he’s just…there. he can’t just strike up a conversation as naturally as jack can. and his shyness seems to only drive people away, not draw people in like luke’s.

and yeah, quinn knows you’re always there with him, keeping him company and being his buffer in all of the various social settings he finds himself in, but he can’t help but wish he was a little bit more like his brothers.

especially right now, when he’s sitting by the fire pit at the family lake house, a few of brother’s shared friends over for the weekend.

he’s sitting in a chair sipping on a beer, watching you partake in a heated game of beer pong with jack, luke, trevor, and cole. all day he’s felt a little…less than. watching you on the boat earlier dancing around to your favorite song with jack, not worrying about who might float by and see the two of you.

or when you were helping prep dinner, and trevor came up to you and struck up a conversation, talking a mile a minute while you kept up with and soaked up every word, adding to the conversation with just as much enthusiasm at the drop of a hat.

or right now, when cole is picking you up and swinging you around after you just won the drinking game, launching into your ‘secret’ handshake the two of you coined a few summers ago.

he wishes he could give you those things. the loud, crazy, fun atmosphere you seem to thrive in. he wishes he could be the guy to parade you around at all of the hockey banquets, introducing you to various people. he wants to dress up with you on halloween in the ridiculous couples costumes you always show him. to be the spontaneous boyfriend that goes diving off of the small cove cliffs on the lake like you love to do with jack.

but that’s just…not who he is. he likes to be quiet, observant, lowkey, private. he likes to listen to other people carry the conversation, and just chime in when he has something to add. he likes to drive the boat and watch everyone else splash around in the water, jumping in for a few minutes just to cool off before resuming his position on the driver’s seat. he hates going to the bar after games with his teammates, but agrees because he knows you like dressing up and going out.

he loves when the two of you spend time reading together on the couch, then order dinner in and watch a movie before bed. he likes the fact that the two of you can sit in silence, both comfortable enough to not feel the need to fill the space with empty conversation. he likes being able to come home to you after the loud environment of the game to the sweet whisper of your voice, because you know how he likes the soft tone after the arena full of screams and sirens.

but he can’t help but feel like he’s causing you to be less for him, seeing how much life you seem to have in times like these.

he’s broken out of his little pity party when you come running over to him. “quinny!! did you see that! we won! i won!” you fling your half-drunk self down onto his lap, beaming your beautiful smile to him.

“i did. looked like you were having fun,” he says with a smile, but his tone is flat.

he watches your smile fade slightly, cocking your head at him. “you okay?” you ask him, always able to tell when something’s not right in that mysterious brain of his.

“yeah, m’just tired. might head in early,” he tells you, drumming his fingers along the tanned skin of your leg, signaling he’s about to stand up.

“okay…well then i’ll go with you. just gotta tell the guys goodnight first,” you respond skeptically, removing yourself from his lap as he stands.

“no, no, don’t wanna ruin your fun. just come to bed when you’re done, yeah? don’t drink too much, sweetheart,” quinn shakes his head, placing a kiss on the top of your head before turning and walking away from you, leaving you confused.

you watch quinn walk up the stone steps, stopping in the dimly lit kitchen to hover over the sink for a few moments, staring out the window looking over the dark lake. you can tell by his body language something is bothering him, so you turn and walk over to tell the rest of the group that you’re heading to bed, ignoring their protests of ‘you’re no fun! quinn’s made you boring!’ with a playful show of your middle finger as you walk away, following quinn’s same path.

quinn’s so lost in thought he doesn’t hear the kitchen door open or the soft pad of your footsteps walking towards him, only breaking out of his trance when he feels your hands make their way around his torso and your body pressed against his back.

“whatcha thinking about?” you ask him, placing a small kiss to the middle of his back through his thin t-shirt.

“nothing,” he tells you, his tone not convincing you. “why aren’t you out there defending your title?” he turns around so he’s facing you, resting his own hands on your waist.

“because something has you locked in that pretty head of yours, and i intend to find out why my boyfriend is sad,” you tell him in that soft tone of voice he loves, not wasting any time getting to the bottom of his odd mood.

quinn’s cheeks involuntarily flush, always having loved when you call him pretty. but before you can admire him too much he closes his eyes and throws his head back, sighing, not wanting to talk about how pathetic he is.

“you’ll just think it’s silly and pointless,” he confesses, knowing you won’t concede until you pry it out of him.

“try me,” you tell him as he looks down at you, seeing the cocked eyebrow and look of determination on your face.

he’s silent for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to explain it to you without making you feel like you did something wrong, because he knows you’ll immediately start picking apart what you could’ve possibly done to make him feel like this. but it’s not you, it’s his problem.

you continue to look at him with love in your eyes, silently encouraging him.

“it’s just…” he starts then pauses again, bringing a hand up to toy with your low ponytail. “do you…ever…y’know, wish i was different? more like jack? or trevor?” he finally gets the words out, shock taking over your features.

he watches your eyes go from loving, to surprised, to sad.

“quinn, what? no. never,” you tell him, shaking your head so vigorously he’s worried you’ll make yourself dizzy.

he brings his hands up to stop the movement of your head, leaving his soft hands there, thumbs caressing your cheeks.

“it’s just…i see how you are around them. how…full of life you are,” he watches your mouth open and close, like you want to interrupt him but thought better of it. “and i can’t help but wonder if you’re missing out because of me,” he shrugs, removing his hands from your face to let them rest in half fists on your shoulders, a sad smile on his face.

reaching up to grab his hands and hold them in both of yours, you shake them a bit to get him to look at you.

“i’m not missing out on anything, do you hear me?” you tell him with such seriousness in your voice he’s almost worried you’re mad. “they’re a good time, yeah, but they’re not you, q.”

still not convinced, quinn let’s his doubt control his thoughts again. “i just know that they’re more your speed. they like to go out and party and have fun and i…don’t,” he can’t meet your eyes, not wanting to see the sadness settled there.

“with them you’re always talking and can be loud and spontaneous like i know you like to do. but with me it’s always whispers and quiet and hiding away in corners or at home. i don’t do silly dances with you in the boat without caring who might see or have a secret handshake when we win beer pong. i sit on the couch and read in silence. i sit in the corner and watch everyone else have fun when we go out because i don’t want videos of me all over the internet,” he continues, his tone growing more frustrated with each word spoken.

“i just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’ve wasted all this time with some boring guy who only wants to sit at home and only goes out when he has to or when you want to, not because he enjoys it,” he finishes, nearly shaking with vulnerability.

his words are a knife straight into your heart, not wanting to believe he really feels this way about himself.

“oh quinny,” you bring your hands up to cup his face, wiping at the moisture forming in his grey eyes.

he gives you a weak smile, turning his head to kiss your open palm, closing his eyes at the comfort your skin on his always brings him.

“i need you to know, that i love you, quinn hughes. i love you so much it hurts me sometimes. like, physically pains me. i look at you and i feel like my chest could literally bust open with how deeply i feel about you. and not just when things are good. all the time. every day. even when we’re fighting. even when you’re sad. even when you leave your socks stuffed in the creases of the couch,” you tell him, earning a small, wet laugh, because he knows how much you hate that poor habit of his.

“i love you when we’re sitting in silence on the couch because you just got home from a game and need a noise break. i love you when we’ve been reading for hours, the only sound between us the turning pages of our books. i love you when we’re sitting in the corner of the bar because you don’t want to be the center of attention when someone buys the team a round. i love you when you’re watching me be crazy and drunk on the boat because you want to make sure someone is sober and everyone is safe. i love you when you’re ‘boring’ because to me, you’re never boring,” you confess to him, feeling the small tear slip out of your left eye and down your cheek, matching quinn’s.

“you’re the person that i love with everything that i have in me. the one that brings me home whatever books i’ve been talking about wanting to read during our marathons on a random afternoon just because you were thinking about it. the person that sacrifices his alone time away from his team, and just hockey in general, to go to banquets and events because you know i enjoy those things sometimes. you’re the person that always watches my favorite silly shows with me, no matter how stupid they are. my personal chef, my human teddy bear, my best friend,” you whisper the last words, sniffling, noticing quinn’s eyes are now closed tightly.

“because even though i do enjoy being loud and rowdy sometimes, i enjoy being with you, more. i enjoy the quiet and the slowness of life with you. the time we get to spend together without distractions or expectations. so no, i don’t wish you were more like jack, or trevor, or luke, or cole, or whoever. because you’re like quinn, which is exactly who i want you to be,” your voice finally goes quiet, bringing your forehead to rest against his, hoping your words are enough to convince him that his insecurities are just that. they hold no weight and have no truth to them.

the two of you simply soak in each other’s presence, neither one daring break the intimacy of the words hanging in the air.

when quinn finally opens his eyes and leans his head back, he lets out a shaky breath.

“tell me not to get down on one knee and propose to you right now,” he tells you, a slight joking tone to his voice, earning a small chuckle from you.

“way to do a complete 180,” you joke back, once again tangling your hands in his hair.

he huffs out a small laugh, tilting his head back before brining it back up to look at you.

“thank you,” he breaths out. “i don’t know how i got so in my head, but all day i watched you have fun and i don’t know. i got lost for a bit.”

you lean forward to place a small peck on the tip of his nose, watching him scrunch it slightly in response.

“well, luckily for you, i’ll always be here to come in there and find you, bringing you back out here to me,” you tap your finger along his temple.

“luckiest in the world,” he beams down at you.

[crybabyddl]

Seeing that video of Doja cat and Joseph quinn and he’s touching her butt and then he’s holding her neck in the club… it might send me into a spiral.

i’ve been trying to care less about celebrities and social media lately, as well as trying to stay off tumblr/not reading smut for longer periods of time bc i dont want to have a warped perception of love and relationships, but this might have me crawling right back to my eddie munson fics and doja cat fancams bc even though i would never even meet joseph quinn or doja cat, let alone have a chance to hit it off with either of them, it’s still upsetting to see someone you think is attractive with someone else, especially when it’s with someone you also find attractive. I know that’s a bit obsessive and mentally ill and i shouldn’t fucking care but i haven’t been doing great lately and this honestly just made things a bit worse.

i’m not a terrible person, i try my best to be a good person to others and i’ve been really struggling to be a good person to myself lately, and so seeing other people achieve goals i also want for myself, getting their way, or just doing better than me when I can barely even see the good in myself is somewhat frustrating and discouraging. I literally want to crawl in a hole. I know this is a very lame and slightly unhealthy way of thinking and just dumb but we all have our flaws, okay?

btw this isn’t me hating on either of them, this is just me using trivial celebrity stuff as an emotional outlet bc i’m currently in a really bad place mentally, so pls just let me yap into the internet void and please don’t turn this into discourse about celebrity and fan culture bc that’s not what this is. This is just me projecting my insecurities onto my little crushes on random people. It’s not healthy and it’s illogical, but that’s kind of what mental illness does.

[thekatebridgerton]

The Rokesby books, the Smythe-Smith Quartet and the two short story books from the Bridgerton-verse were right there to be adapted but they wanted to do Queen Charlotte. Why? Don't know.

I was happy to just have a Kanthony honeymoon special. It didn't have to be six episodes. Just a two hour one would have been fine.

I would pay for a Kanthony honeymoon special!! And so would the rest of the fandom.

I get it, Queen Charlotte is Shonda's pet project and it's not like Bridgerton viewers did not want to see the backstory of what happened between her and King George, because we do, Queen Charlotte is an intriguing character in and on her own.

But at the same time it feels disrespectful to fans, who were waiting for the announcement of who is playing Sophie, or even a glimpse of the Polin season, only to get a lot of Queen Charlotte 'a Bridgerton story' promo material instead. Did we even get this amount of promo for Saphne or for Kantony??. last time I checked fans were given the Kanthony moving portraint AFTER s2 was released. Again, I assure you, I'm going to watch the QC spinoff, because in general I like period dramas and I think any colaboration with Julia Quinn probably has good writing (trust me, if it's as bad as Reign, you will hear my one sentence review of 'its as bad as Reign' but we all know it wont be).

Still, I'm allowed to point out this marketing strategy feels like a lot like gaslighting and taking advantage of the Bridgerton audience to push a spinoff that a lot of viewers wouldn't have felt interest in, if it didn't have 'A Bridgerton story' tacked on to it as a slogan. (Since a lot of people who don't like period dramas do watch Bridgerton, including my 40yo uncle and my grandma)

And maybe it's just me, because I've been listening to too much "slow burn" by Jmaya. But what is up with Hollywood romanticizing tragedy in love stories. It's a bit harder to watch a love story in any period drama where you know that one of them is going to either die or end up with Alzheimers. (yes I'm talking about Reign again, we all knew Mary was going to outlive Francis and we still fell for it anyway)

Which is, why I think Julia never wrote a full book for Violet and Edmund as part of the Rokesby series. Edmund dies, no amount of romance and epic storytelling will erase the enormous letdown that is knowing he dies and she has to move on with their 8 kids. But in the Bridgerton universe, Edmund and Violet's tragic love story has a purpose! It serves to give the 8 siblings something to hope for, an example of love to emulate, it's also the root of their insecurities and fears. With Queen Charlotte even that kind of payoff would not really be much of a consolation. (Yes she does get the guy and the crown, but if my history lessons don't fail me, her eldest son was..well, George IV.)

Which is why I do hope we get to see young Edmund and his older sisters Billie, Poppy and Georgiana. the whole 'going back where it all began' is the slogan for the Rokesby series anyway. It's kinda weird that Queen Charlotte is getting the tagline.

As a show it does look good, there is a certain snazzy romantic vibe to the trailer that I love, also Michelle Fairley is on it!. And we all know that any show where Michelle plays a disproving matriarch obsessed with upholding tradition, is going to be attention worthy. I am sure that once I watch it I will have lots of positive things to say about it.

But I would be able to enjoy Queen Charlotte as a stand alone so much more, if I didn't know Shonda and Netflix was purposefully starving the fans for Bridgerton content in order to create more interest in the spinoff. Like a cheap trick in a magic show, it makes the whole thing a lot less dreamy.

And that's the tea

[mysticstarlightduck]

for the ask game: 🧠 ?

Thank you so much for the ask, @ray-writes-n-shit!

🧠Telepathy: How much does your OC care about what other people think of them? How far would they go to make sure people had the right opinion of them?

Jack (Supernova Initiative) - Jack doesn't typically care about the opinions of strangers and people he doesn't know well. He is usually the "I do my own thing, why worry about pleasing strangers" kind of guy, and is generally really chill about it. HOWEVER, as a Team Leader and full-time older brother, Jack cares a lot about the opinion his team and his little sister have of him, mostly in an "I've gotta be strong, got to be reliable, have to set a good example and be confident. They need to think I'm okay. Everything's fine, they shouldn't have to worry about me" kind of way, as in he puts their needs so far above his own that he fears that even taking a break during stressful situations or being vulnerable would be "failing them" or something similar. The worst thing is that he is so good at hiding what he feels that his team genuinely thinks he is totally fine (when he is actually just really good at faking it), even though they would be super kind and understanding to him if he told them the truth, he doesn't allow himself to be what he considers "weak" because he thinks that would be "selfish" of him. So. Serious self-esteem and communication issues right there.

Quinn (The Last Wrath) - As a courtesan and entertainer to the high nobility of the Morosyn Empire, Quinn's life usually centers around his ability to keep up appearances and had a "social mask" if you will. Especially in a world where secrets are as deadly as weapons. So, Quinn is extremely good at upholding a certain "persona" in public, the masquerade he puts up for others so that no one ever knows what is truly underneath and so that no one can ever blackmail him. He doesn't care about what others think of him in an "I measure my self-worth according to their reactions to me" kinda way, but more in a "If I'm not careful enough and say the right thing I might end up dead" kind of way. Especially with the war and espionage going on during the story of TLW.

Kane (Song of Thorns) - Kane cares SO MUCH about what others think of him. He cares IMMENSELY. He suffers from a bad mix of perfectionism, trauma, and Impostor Syndrome, which he counters with an arrogant and cocky persona of what he considers to be the "perfect knight". He wants to be seen and respected, he wants to be admired. He wants to never, ever make a single mistake again after what a mistake cost him in the past. He is actually someone who is secretly insecure and thinks that nobody would ever like the "true him" so he creates an image of the "perfect Kane", the alter ego he thinks he needs to be. Throughout the story he grows and learns to practice more self-love and that he doesn't need to change who he is to be worthy of respect, but OH BOY does it take a while.

[devisrina]

(I have no idea if you've answered this b4) Who's ur fav? Benvi, Bela-Eric, or Danny/Mindy (Ryan/Kelly is not an option)?

Hello Anon! I actually have not answered this before. So I might have to describe each ship, so I can give you the gist of which is my favourite.

To be straightforward- My favourite is Bela Malhotra and Eric Miller.

And Because I love talking about these ships, I'm going to give you the rundown of how I view each ship and if I like them or not.

(SIDE NOTE: This is going to become a long post.)

Danny and Mindy - THEY ARE AN ABSOLUTE NO FOR ME. I have never liked them one bit. He was alright in season 1, and I did sort of see the potential. But if I'm being honest, I preferred Josh, Casey, Sam, and even Brendan Delaurier over that misogynistic dickhead.

And in season 2 of TMP, I preferred Cliff Gilbert Over any other love interest she had in that show. He was smart, sweet, and had nice banter with her. He genuinely had an interest in her. And it pissed me off so much how they ruined his character to make DANNY of all people seem to like her better match.

And believe it or not, it got worse. DANNY LITERALLY SA'd her in season 3 episode 4. And this issue got 'resolved' by him explaining to her that he was insecure about his experience and wanted to try it out. LIKE BITCH DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE, WITH words? He literally made her feel bad for something that he did when he violated her.

Ben and Devi - They are pretty neutral to me. I don't actually dislike them, nor do I love them. If you asked me in season 1 if I was either Team Ben or Team Paxton, I would've 100% said, Team Ben.

But now, I kind of just think that they kept fucking with their storyline. I got tired of the fact that we didn't even really see them date and how they would be in a relationship. I genuinely don't think that they would be toxic, they were really cute in season 4. But another thing that annoyed me quite a lot was the lack of communication, and the fact that Eleanor and Fabiola kind of push her away from ever really expressing to Ben how much she likes him. Like, Ben wants Devi to be open about her feelings, it really doesn't matter if she comes off looking uncool or not.

Also, I kind of liked how realistic Ben was in season 1 in comparison to how he is in the other seasons. In season 1, he was kind of like a mixture of himself and Ethan in the way he would respond to Devi. Like the way, he was just kind of chill and more grounded. they just made him super cocky in seasons 2 and 3 and then tried to give him growth beyond that. It was clear he kind of held a bit of resentment towards her after she broke his heart. I just wish that they quit trying to hit the replay button with them. They could've had more scenes together.

Bela and Eric - They are my favourites! They are the vibes, and like Quinn from Kappa says, "We have to preserve the vibes."

And I love to proclaim myself as one of the people who defended Eric even before season 2. I just thought he was capable of growing and changing. And I love how chill and unfazed he is by Bela, he sort of just accepts her for who she is. I love it so fucking much. It's not cringe, and it's very natural in comparison to Ben and Devi. I just see Bela and Eric as their ages and the writing team does a good job of connecting them to college life.

Because with Devi, you can kind of see when 'Mindy Kaling Dialogue' is set for her. And I wince every time I have to hear something along the lines of that. But with Bela, because the actress who plays her has this charisma where she doesn't really care what other people say, it just works. I know, Bela is insecure when it comes to how people view her, whether it is with her comedy writing, boys, making friends etc. The actress doesn't get enough credit for her variety and range.

Just to disclose, I am a Bela supporter. I think the fandom is too rude towards her, the fact that some of them even compare her to Ryan is truly gross to me. I don't like that she cheated on Eric, but it also kind of bothers me to see how many people were quick to dislike her. Especially since everything Eric says kind of gets swept under the rug the minute Bela does something shitty. And let's be honest, people love the 360 development of the 'asshole who is not so much of an asshole' and it happened with Eric. He literally heard her tell him that she was being ordered around by the comedian, and he just swivels in and takes the opportunity. Bela is not Innocent, what she did was horrible, and while the thing he did was not as wrong, it was still a shitty move. I've seen people dislike Bela since season 1, people will just jump at the chance to dislike her. And she got assaulted last season, and people overlook that because the narrative doesn't lead us into it. Like yes, the show is kind of shit when it comes to following up on major plot points, like with Whitney literally being Gr**med. But that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It clearly affected her.

And people like to use the handjobs as a reflection of Bela always being sex-crazed. No, it just REINFORCES that she was broken even before college. She had all of this cultural pressure on her, she never had many friends, and she was nerdy and uncool. She had such a bad and negative view of herself before, so she's sadly just giving into any attention she might get even if it's bad.

And I think Eric would've been a good influence on her if they made a better choice in the way they wrote them. He warmed up to her in ep 10, he kind of just looked annoyed with her in Episode 1 of Season 2. There wasn't even any room left for subtext. After he gave her advice, and she left, he could've been seen looking at her walking away before he slowly closed the door. It could've been a parallel moment to the caution tape scene in the quad.

And the reason I loved Bela and Eric so much is that he was essentially who she would've been if she was more security with herself. Like, notice how she likes his glasses and his nerdy comedy vibe. He is the version that connects her to her old self where she was nerdy and loved comedy. Of course, she still loves comedy, but she tried to feed into that cool girl vibe. And that shows a lot about how she is with Priya. She is so insecure when she sees Priya's glow up and her jealousy of seeing how quick she got along with everyone kind of hurt her. It is wrong that she was projecting onto her, and it's not okay to be rude to people because they look nicer.

I think the most infuriating thing Bela did for me was when she was with Jorjia and ruined everything with the foxy. Evangeline and Jo were really on her side and it makes me sad that she self-sabotaged.

I do believe that Bela and Eric could get back together. But I think they need to develop a better connection as friends. Without the benefits lol.

I'm thinking that maybe they could have an encounter where they both have the same internship. At this point in time, Bela might be at another school if she did follow through with the transfer. Or she could still be in Essex, but they just don't talk to each other. Eric is mad at first and Bela doesn't blame him. Maybe there is a point where she helps him gain more exposure, and he kind of sees this as a silver lining. Like maybe she has changed. During this, Eric decides to let her in more and they have a nice friendship. He might try dating someone else for a bit, and Bela helps him navigate it because she doesn't want to be jealous or rude. I want her to go through therapy during this, so she can self-reflect. I think at some point Bela and Eric could have a moment where they almost kiss or gaze intently into each other's eyes. They kind of just brush it off, and Bela thinks everything is okay and it was a heat of the moment, thinking he didn't feel anything. But Eric wanted to kiss her. He might quit dating the girl afterwards because he realised he still has feelings for Bela. And because he's Eric, he kind of doesn't know how to deal with this, so he kind of pushes Bela away anytime they are at the internship and Bela asks him if he was okay.

And there could be a point where he almost sabotages the internship for himself and he bursts out the door. Bela could follow him out. Then she'd be like. "I have tried so hard to get on your good side. What else do you want?" It's kind of like a parallel to the summer theta party where Eric asks her what she wants.

Then he's feeling a mixture of conflict, anger, and everything above. But he knows he can't blame her. "I-I'm just mad."

And she shouts. "Why?!"

Then he's like. "Because you made end things with ____"

And she's all confused. "Why is that my fault?"

And then there is a moment of silence and the tension is thick. And she's like. "Well?"

And then he's like. "God damn it Bela-" and then he leans forward and they both know what is about to happen next when he kisses her.

It's all passionate, and then he releases for a second when they have to breathe, and they're all wide-eyed and their lips are swollen. And he says "Because she wasn't you."

And then following it, they slowly take their relationship slow. They talk to each other about their feelings, and they become an official couple this time.

So yeah, I didn't expect this to be such a long post. But yeah, thanks for the question!

[lovehours]

one day we’re gonna have a serious conversation about how misinterpreted daria, the literal main character of the show that’s named after her is. she’s either girlbossified or hated but neither are for the right reasons imo

daria’s not someone who hates everyone and everything, she’s someone who cares deeply about issues. she’s disappointed in the idiocy around her and how the adults in power who can solve these issues don’t do much out of corruption (ms. li) or are idiots themselves.

behind the sarcastic front that daria puts up shows a person who’s afraid to be alone and is afraid of being hated if she put her best effort in, making her not put any effort to reach out to others at all (“and im so defensive that i actively work to make people dislike me so i won’t feel bad when they do”). it’s someone who’s actually self depreciative and hypercritical of herself. despite her criticisms of everything around her, daria is deeply insecure of her talents, her appearance, and her ability to connect with other people.

this is why boxing daria is such an important episode to not only her but the show. daria was someone who was constantly isolated and bullied for being different, and it stuck with her. back then she DID put an effort in, and all it did was get her shunned and mocked. when she puts effort in to connect with others in the show (episodes like the new kid or the old and the beautiful come to mind) she’s abandoned or not wanted, reaffirming the pushing everyone away mentality that she’s had for so long. for daria, it’s easier for her not to get hurt if she has no one around.

but a huge part of the show is confronting this idea, the front that she puts up. the idea that daria is completely antisocial is denied by the show itself (her mother saying that her antisocial mask isn’t real, but if she keeps isolating herself it will become real in iify). having her acknowledge that she does want some form of connection with people, even if it’s not necessarily her classmates. it’s learning to appreciate those around her even if they don’t completely understand her because they love her (and realizing that she wants to have her family around her despite their flaws/that she wants to be loved by someone). it’s learning that the attitude she has to cope will only hurt her in the end.

so she grows. she acknowledges her mistakes and the fact that she isn’t always right. she realizes that her worldview is actually quite small because she’s only a teenager and she still has a lot to learn. she reaches out to children who she believes may suffer the same fate she did growing up. she stands up for classmates who she may not respect, but she feels that are being exploited. she begins to expand her worldview and grows closer to quinn who once represented every problem she had with being a teenager. she starts to allow people into the bubble few could enter. she starts to show how much she truly cares about things, getting out of her comfort zone by submitting her work that she’s passionate about to newspapers. but people still like to act like she has no interest in anything at all and just doesn’t care.

daria is a teenage girl. an incredibly flawed teenage girl, but a teenage girl nonetheless. one who we see grow massively over the course of five seasons and it’s annoying to see people treat her growth as if it didn’t exist. if you sit here and try and tell me daria is the same person from esteemsters to is it college yet you need to rewatch LOL. and it’s just so tiring to see her mischaracterized so often despite her arc being so clear

[shaunsummers]

Tek's Birthday!

"We can do breakfast and a show." Not having any sort of plans, other than simply adjusting to the now, it was nice to be invited to what was apparently a big event for their household; even if Siren had no clue what she was getting into. Though, in the comfort of an old friendship, she'd take just about any excuse to hangout with Quinn. However, it did seem as though a certain someone could use their help. "God bless." Releasing a sound of humor, Siren motions over to the content blob of intoxication. At least Robin was a happy drunk. "One of us might have to hold her up."

"Well, I hope so. I put down my chicken nugget money for this match." Sure, Robin may have known Sierra for much longer but there had never been a day were she put down someone the way Beatrix did to Devin. At least, that Robin knew about. She beams, feeling confidence boosted from a solid chance at double fast food and the amount of shots sloshing through her insides.

Not that she would have let on but under normal circumstances, Shaun's arm around her would have been a welcomed notion. Unfortunately, tonight it came with a cheap imitation and weird, unflinching eye contact. Oh yeah, Shaun was fucked up. "And I wish you could do a better accent." Titling her head as a hand plucks away her grasp, Lilith perks a mock smile before making her way to reclaim her seat and toss the chip bags on the table.

Jade had simply assumed that Sam was only humored by her girlfriend's transition of softie to controlled rage. So, the reaction mostly goes unnoticed. She does, however, notice Shaun in her drunken state put her arm around Lilith. Even clearly dicking around, it was so obvious. Christ, were they going to pull a Rebel and Tek and take two years to get on with it? Because it sure as fuck seemed so. Being reunited with the summer heat and parted from the nosiest of the bunch, Jade shuffles the pack of cigarettes out of her pocket before breaking from Sierra to join the table. "Use that anger. It'll help."

"Oh, I plan on it." Feeling boosted by the power of her boo and the pop hits of the early 2000's playing from the speakers inside, Sierra begins her journey down the steps to start the show. It was normal for her to be a little nervous about these types of things. Beatrix was no push over. Clearly. But, also, she was super pumped to have a challenge.

"It's okay. It's just one more round." Hell, Rebel felt the same. All she wanted to do was squeeze her and kiss her and gross out Devin. But she had to be strong! "They're going to tear each other to shreds. It's gonna be amazing!" She giggles with excitement, pulling Tek into her arms. Of course, she wasn't going to leave her lady out in the cold. A cuddle drop off was in order. Though, the candidates....Who was worthy? She was still mad at Siren for delaying their Attack on Titan marathon. So, that was out. Robin was fucking wasted. She couldn't be trusted to hold herself up. Lilith and Shaun were too busy flirting. Quinn, while a great friend, might teach her karate that would later cause consequences. To Tek herself. Sam was also great but they barely knew each other. And Devin was just a butt! That left the drama queen himself. "Aiden, take your husband!"

He had already snagged a seat in-between Robin and Devin, ready to see the brawl unfold. His bet was Sierra, naturally, knowing how frightening she was when angry. Flipping his hair back, Aiden grins wide as his eyes meet the newlyweds and he leans his head back to let out a long, high pitched moan. "Come here and give me that sugar, daddy!" He wasn't getting up. They should've known this.

------------------

"Really? That bad, is it? I watched it so many times—for practice." Shaun laughs lightly, her arm falling limply to her side. She had done it unthinkingly, but a small prickle of insecurity surfaced at the rebuff, though was quickly masked with the light response. Perhaps Lilith didn't want her touching her. Shit, whoops. Shaun sets her drink on the table and digs for her cigarettes before taking her seat, folding her idle hand in her lap. "Keep your arms and legs close to your body, she likes going for submissions." She remarks idly to Sierra before she leaves. Of course she had bet on Beatrix, as planned, but she didn't want what happened to Devin to repeat. "I don't think she'll go in quite as hard, but she might if she's worried you'll win."

"Sounds like a plan." Quinn smiles, giving her a small nudge with her arm. "You'll dig it, trust me." And speaking of new roommates that were a little messy, she follows Siren's gesturing to their future one sitting on the chair like a liquid. Lordy.

"Chicken nugget money? Well, now I have to win." Beatrix chuckles, though was thankful for Siren and Quinn coming in behind them. "You might." She remarks to Siren's comment. "She's absolutely plastered."

"Well, I still got an open lap, if you need some strong shoulders to rest on." Quinn teases, tilting her head with a pursed smile. Oh yeah, Robin was hammered. "Two guns just for you, girl."

"Pfft. Well, make sure she's okay, prince charming." Beatrix shakes her head with a sound of humor. "Mama's got lives to ruin." Giving a small salute and smile, she turns to head back out to the grass.

"Okay, one more round. For battle!" Tek relents with a warm smile, delighted to get a little lovin' before they had to separate. And even with her wife making eager and tantalizing mating calls, she still leans up to plant a soft peck against Rebel's cheek before releasing her. "The beauty of polygamy, I can have plenty of sloppy cuddles until you return!" She grins before turning to plop heavily in Aiden's lap, knowing full well he wasn't about to come get her. "No tears, my delicate flower. Papa's here! To take that delicate flower." She grins, running a finger down his chest.

[infinitelycomplexpuzzles]

Thoughts on bad character traits and rp

// So this isn't directed towards anyone, so if you read that into it, that's on you, this is just a thing I've been thinking about in rp and in media in general for a while now.

Trigger warnings for really sensitive topics because we're talking popular media and you can't escape that sort of thing. Things like the four letter r word that involves forced sex.

so there seems to be a real... aversion to writing bad characters? And I don't mean like, characters who are evil. I mean like writing characters with flaws? Because it kinda feels like everyone just sorta... brushes over characters who have real, deep flaws that makes them interesting and turns them into like... babies?

Marvel does this a lot. You got Loki, who literally was like 'I want to enslave the world' and the fandom went 'awww, he's a fascist but he's played by a handsome actor!' You got Scarlet Witch who straight up genocides people and people are like 'no she's misunderstood!' You got Daken Akihiro whose whole thing in comics for a while was raping spiderman and the fandom is like 'no he's just got daddy issues!'

I think of things like Succession where characters are meant to be bad people but the engagement with them is like 'man, look at all this grief and empowerment!' It's like when people think the protagonists of Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and Fight Club are aspirational figures. Like the Wolf of Wall Street is meant to be some kind of glowing review of that lifestyle and not, like, a depiction of one man's bottomless capacity for greed.

I think the best example of this sorta meme-ification of media, or maybe gif-ification, is that scene in Mad Men where he's in an elevator and goes 'I don't think about you at all.' And the meme makes it seem like this is some kind of power move, but in context it's a demonstration of how weak and insecure the character is; he's threatened by this younger guy who thinks about other people and as a result tries to play if off like he's above him. Like there's a disconnect between what is being expressed in the medium and what is being expressed in the memes?

And this is what I'm trying to drill down into; you got some genuinely bad characters, or at least characters that do objectively bad or unhealthy things, and the fandoms just... wash that all away?

Harley Quinn is another one of those characters, where she is objectively a horrible person who does horrible things, and people are like 'totally justified!' Like no, she's a mass murderer???

But also, it strips out all the interesting bits from characters? Like, not every character has to be some either/or where they're either perfect or the embodiment of evil itself. Which usually seems to be done through making them a rapist, because it seems like we've lost the capacity to write bad people doing bad things in other ways?

Alcoholism, drug use, abuse, self harm, paranoia... the list goes on in regards to character traits and flaws that you can use to write complex characters that have bad parts! you don't need to just focus on them being a perfect angel and having no flaws or being the literal embodiment of evil!

You can like a character and still have them have flaws and be bad people! It's okay to write characters that are bad people deep down and do bad things! that's how people are!

Idk, maybe I'm just frustrated because as an autistic person who dealt with abuse, I get tired of all these excuses and rationalizations? Like, don't you want complex things? Don't you want to explore how bad people do bad things and yet continue on their path? Villains don't just pop up like crops! They don't just appear fully formed like Athena from Zeus' head!

Although tbh, I could do an entire rant about how people treat godlike characters and try to act like their actions should be interpreted through modern morality systems which is some bit of insanity.

Anyway, sorry, this is just me getting out my frustrations. Let your characters be bad people and have flaws!

[caitlinmarie671]

Quinn looked at her best friend and Rebekah and put her hand on her forehead. “I love Nik so much Bek, but I can’t fight with him the way we did last night.” “Was it really that bad?” “Stefan came by after he found out Elena and Damon slept together and what happened between Nik and I and we almost kissed but we realized what we were about to do before we did it, but yes Bek. It was bad. I love my children. I love Nik. I love you guys. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell Stefan and my son that they can’t spend any more time together because it bothers Nik. But I also don’t want to dismiss Nik’s feelings. He already thinks there’s something going on between Stefan and I. Which there isn’t. I love Stefan like a brother, and he loves me like a sister. Not to mention he loves Elena and I love Nik.” Quinn said and she loved Nik but sometimes his insecurity and jealousy really caused problems in their relationship. “Wait!?! wait!?! wait!?!? What do you mean you almost kissed last night?!?!” Rebekah asked with wide eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. “He was hurt over Elena and Damon and I was upset over my fight with Nik but nothing happened, because we love Elena and Nik too much to do anything like that to them. We pulled away before our lips could touch and then Stefan left. That is all that happened I promise.” She reassured Rebekah as she gently reached over and squeezed Rebekah’s ‘s hand who looked at her unsure for a moment before squeezing her hand back. “I trust you Quinn.” “Thank you Bex. I just wish that other than painting together. I could find some thing that Henry and Nik could bond over the way that he does with Phoebe.” She said before she picked up another french fry and dipped in ketchup. She put it in her mouth and ate it. “Have you talked to Nik last night?” Rebekah asked. “No I haven’t. But I know Phoebe misses her daddy so I’ll probably take her to see him after this. Anyway. Bex how is it going with Matt?” Quinn smiled. “Really great actually!! He is the nicest sweetest guy I have ever meet!!” “I’m so happy for you Rebekah. That’s wonderful.”

[tuiyla]

Hi! Can you do glee clubbers as hogwarts houses plz? :D

Hey Anon! I'm sure I've done this before but can't find it so let's have a go again, shall we. This post comes with the disclaimer that JK Rowling is transphobic trash who uses her platform or bigotry, so I hope she has a terrible day and loses all followers <3

Slytherin

Santana I have a very firm stance on this that warrants more of an explanation but bottom line is that she’s extremely observant and can scheme when she wants to, resourceful, ambitious, and cunning. But! She also “uses her bitch powers to protect the people she cares about” so no one go turning this into an ~evil~ equals Slytherin thing because that is decidedly not why Santana’s in Slytherin imo. She just embodies the house, the good and the bad so well in my eyes.

Rachel Ambitious little problem child, so much so that she often gets blinded by it but ultimately chases the kind of glory that comes with love and affection. Not above playing dirty or, you know, sending people to crack houses. Very competitive but less in an obnoxious Gryffindor kind of way.

Kurt Kurtcheltana make one perfect Slytherin and I shall not be taking criticism on that. Season 1 Kurt in particular has major Slytherin vibes but overall I’d consider him fitting the Slytherin spirit.

Quinn Queen Bee Quinn could be many things because she has so many versions of her and, well, all that stuff with her writing. I see her get sorted in Ravenclaw but I don’t vibe with that. I think, ultimately, she’s calculating and clever in a cunning sort of way, and yes, values status but does so because she recognizes the word for what it is in terms of its systems and what it takes to be on top and succeed.

Ravenclaw

Britt Sorry not sorry but I won’t take any other sorting seriously, especially not those who put her in Hufflepuff. Brittany embodies what is for me the essence of Ravenclaw, i.e. the unique way of thinking that distinguishes their way of thinking. Britt isn’t booksmart but that’s not what Ravenclaw is about, and even after the math genius revelation that traditional type of intelligence isn’t why I’d sort her here. She’s very much a think outside the box type of person and a lot of what she says might be bonkers but it’s that quintessential Ravenclaw spirit for me.

Artie Probably a more conventional choice than Brittany but I wouldn’t put him here because of the nerdiness. It’s ultimately his artistic vision as a director and his pursuit of that kind of knowledge that lands him in Ravenclaw with me as the sorting hat. He sees complexities beyond the average and that’s intriguing.

Mike I went back and forth on Mike and it was between this and Hufflepuff. Truth is, Mike isn’t exactly a well-rounded character so it can be either one but I went with Ravenclaw for another pretentious reason, that being Mike pursuing dance and valuing the art behind it above all. Even above academic excellence, which should steer him away from Ravenclaw but I’d argue creativity is a huge part of Ravenclaw and dancing is his creative output. Also just vibes I guess.

Gryffindor

Finn Okay, okay, hear me out, because even though I’m highly critical of Finn and would even consider him a bit of a coward in many ways, he embodies a lot of what I consider to by Gryffindor’s Thing. Here comes my bias showing but despite the good things you can say about them I kind associate Gryffindors with this obnoxious self-righteousness, the extreme of their sense of justice and that’s the vibe I get from Finn. He thinks he’s being the hero even when, well ya know let’s not turn this into an anti thing. But at the same time he does have leadership qualities and, when putting his own insecurities aside, can even act courageous.

Sam The trouble with Sam is knowing which season’s version to categorize but I settled on Gryffindor because I think he embodies the positive values a little better than Finn does. He sticks up for Kurt in Duets and usually has a consistent bravery and even impulsivity to him that is very Gryffindor. He can be chivalrous, though the writing is inconsistent. But I’d argue that even when his writing becomes different he still fits Gryffindor better than he does Hufflepuff, and those are the only two I could see for him.

Puck Believe it or not I’d also consider Hufflepuff for him and feels strange to put all the stereotypical jocks in Gryffindor but Puck is again that impulsive Gryffindor need to act right now and think later. It can go both ways with him and the bravado is often a front to hide his low self-worth but he also learns to stand up for others and never backs down from a fight. Puck at his best is the kind of Gryffindor we’d all like to have in our corner.

Hufflepuff

Blaine I know he could easily be Gryffindor what with the courage of it all, but I’d like to think he’s more grounded than that and more of an anxious bean who’d rather not do the Gryffindor grandiosity. Well, Blaine can be grandiose but more so for fun, imo. He’s also just a friendly guy who wants to belong and abides by the rules in a Hufflepuff’s respect for fair play kind of way.

Mercedes This was a bit tough because I think she has the passion of a Gryffindor but her integrity is imo her most valuable trait and that coupled with her loyalty and title as the most amazing friend steer me towards Hufflepuff. She still stands up against injustice and perhaps is more spirited than your average Hufflepuff but that can translate into a passion for equality and valuing others experiences beyond her own value system, as seen with religion.

Tina Okay so I know she often gets put into Ravenclaw because of her good grades or something but imo Tina doesn’t particularly value knowledge or wit or creativity. She values hard work and it’d be really great if others valued her hard work, too. She’s willing to sit back, be loyal and work hard so others can shine for a long time and even after she develops an attitude and wants more of the spotlight she still remains ultimately loyal and someone who puts friendships first. Yeah, this feels right.

Maybe I can come back to the newbies some other time.

[wylans-stupid-face]

The newest season of Bridgerton has pushed me too far so I need to get something off my chest, I need showrunners, and screenwriters, and anyone involved with putting a piece of media together to know that predictable does not mean boring.

Production quality of TV and movies has been getting better and better. Costumes and sets are more intricate than ever, but the writing keeps getting worse. Using Bridgerton as an example, the book that season two was based on was one of the most, if not the most, popular book in Julia Quinn’s eight book series, and Kate, hands-down, the most loved heroine. Yet barely anything from the book managed to make its way on to the show, which isn’t necessarily bad on its own, but when compared with how closely the first season followed its corresponding book, even going so far as to include a widely controversial rape scene, it seems odd. So far my only explanations for the changes that were made from page to the screen are, the writers didn’t want to keep the same pacing as season one, i.e. they didn’t want to have Anthony and Kate be forced into marriage half way through the season as it was too similar to Daphne and Simon, or they wanted people to be surprised by season two by making changes to the very nature of Anthony and Kate’s relationship. Either way, from where I’m standing, the writers didn’t want to be predictable, they wanted season two to be new and fresh and exciting, but they missed the point of why people loved Kate and Anthony’s story completely.

Most of the changes that were made changed Kate and Anthony’s story beyond recognition. Everything that made them special was removed, and those holes were filled with catty arguments between sisters and friends. Kate’s relationship with her stepmother, Mary, and her struggle with losing her biological mother at an age where the memory of her was almost, but not quite, there. Mary’s insistence that Kate is every bit the daughter to her that Edwina is and going out of her way to make Kate see that. Edwina, looking up to and understanding her sister without malice, because Edwina works just as hard to ensure Kate’s happiness as Kate works to ensure Edwina’s. Edwina’s feeling of duty being the driving force between her courtship with Anthony, not that contrived, Edwina falling in love with Anthony storyline. Anthony’s fear of death and leaving behind a widow, which was mentioned then promptly forgotten by everyone, including Anthony. And the thing that hurts me the most, the removal of Kate’s entire personality.

The Kate of The Viscount Who Loved Me was fun and insecure and responsible and weird and happy. The Kate of Bridgerton was just a female version of Anthony, stoic, the weight of the world on her shoulders, not someone who smiles easily. These aren’t scenes that I missed from the book, they’re pivotal relationships and traits that made these characters who they were, that made Kanthony who they were. But they were removed for the sake of shock value, taking advantage of the fans who were waiting for their favourite moments, consistently teasing the first Kanthony kiss but not providing it until the very end of episode six in a way that was loving and tender, not the passionate hate-to-want-you that their relationship was founded on. Removing Mary, almost completely, so that Lady Danbury would have more screen time, but not filling the emotional hole that that left in Kate so when Edwina turned on her, she was left with no one in her corner. Reducing Kate’s character to helicopter-parenting Edwina, which allowed for Edwina’s development, but not much for Kate’s. I have a thousand issues with season two of Bridgerton, but the destruction of one of my favourite romantic heroines so that she would be in a love triangle with her sister is the biggest, hands down.

I’m tired of everyone’s fear of spoilers. In most cases knowing something is going to happen in a show or movie shouldn’t diminish your enjoyment of the thing, if it’s done well knowing about it in advance doesn’t matter. People don’t tune in to adaptations to be surprised, they tune in to see stories that they love brought to life and treated with respect and care. The casting, the costumes, the sets, were all amazing, but the writing of season two was just a big fuck you to fans of The Viscount Who Loved Me and good characterization alike.

[fatliberation]

I’m Abandoning Body Positivity and Here’s Why

In short: it’s fatphobic.

“A rallying cry for a shift in societal norms has now become the skinny girl’s reassurance that she isn’t really fat. Fatness, through this lens of ‘body positivity’, remains the worst thing a person can be.” (Kayleigh Donaldson)

•  •  •

I have always had a lot of conflicting opinions about the body positivity movement, but it’s much more widely known (and accepted, go figure) than the fat liberation movement, so I often used the two terms interchangeably in conversation about anti-fatness. But the longer I’ve been following the body positivity movement, the more I’ve realized how much it has strayed from its fat lib origins. It has been hijacked; deluded to center thin, able, white, socially acceptable bodies.

Bopo’s origins are undoubtedly grounded in fat liberation. The fat activists of the 1960s paved the way for the shred of size acceptance we see in media today, initially protesting the discrimination and lack of access to equal opportunities for fat people specifically. This early movement highlighted the abuse, mental health struggles, malpractice in the medical field, and called for equal pay, equal access, equal respect, an end to fatphobic structures and ideas. It saddens me that it hasn’t made much progress in those regards. 

Today, the #bopo movement encapsulates more the idea of loving your own body versus ensuring that individuals regardless of their weight and appearance are given equal opportunities in the workplace, schools, fashion and media. Somehow those demands never made it outside of the ‘taboo’ category, and privileged people would much more readily accept the warm and fuzzy, sugar-coated message of “love yourself!” But as @yrfatfriend once said, this idea reduces fat people’s struggles to a problem of mindset, rather than a product of external oppressors that need to be abolished in order for fat people to live freely.

That generalized statement, “love yourself,” is how a movement started by fat people for the rights of fat people was diluted so much, it now serves a thin model on Instagram posting about how she has a tummy roll and cellulite on her thighs - then getting praised for loving her body despite *gasp!* its minor resemblance to a fat body. 

Look. Pretty much everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those of us who belong to marginalized groups. If you don’t have body issues, you’re a privileged miracle, but our beauty-obsessed society has conditioned us to want to look a certain way, and if we have any features that the western beauty standard considers as “flaws,” yeah! We feel bad about it! So it’s not surprising that people who feel bad about themselves would want to hop on a movement that says ‘hey, you’re beautiful as you are!’ That’s a message everyone would like to hear. Any person who has once thought of themselves as less than beautiful now feels that this movement is theirs. And everyone has insecurities, so everyone feels entitled to the safe space. And when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. What I’m trying to explain here is that thin people now feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces. 

Regardless of how badly thin people feel about their bodies, they still experience thin privilege. They can sit down in a theater or an airplane without even thinking about it, they can eat in front of others without judgement, they can go the doctor with a problem and actually have it fixed right away, they can find cute clothes in their size with ease, they do not suffer from assumptions of laziness/failure based on stereotype, they see their body type represented everywhere in media, the list goes on and on. They do not face discrimination based off of the size of their body. 

Yet diet culture and fatphobia affects everyone, and of course thin people do still feel bad about the little fat they have on their bodies. But the failure to examine WHY they feel bad about it, is what perpetuates fatphobia within the bopo movement. They’re labeled “brave” for showing a pinch of chub, yet fail to address what makes it so acceptably daring, and how damaging it is to people who are shamed for living in fat bodies. Much like the rest of society, thin body positivity is still driven by the fear of fat, and does nothing to dismantle fatphobia within structures or within themselves.

Evette Dionne sums it up perfectly in her article, “The Fragility of Body Positivity: How a Radical Movement Lost Its Way.”

“The body-positive media economy centers these affirming, empowering, let-me-pinch-a-fat-roll-to-show-how-much-I-love-myself stories while failing to actually challenge institutions to stop discriminating against fat people. More importantly, most of those stories center thin, white, cisgender, heterosexual women who have co-opted the movement to build their brands. Rutter has labeled this erasure ‘Socially Acceptable Body Positivity.’

“On social media, it actually gets worse for fat bodies: We’re not just being erased from body positivity, fat women are being actively vilified. Health has become the stick with which to beat fat people with [sic], and the benchmark for whether body positivity should include someone” (Dionne).

Ah, yes. The medicalization of fat bodies, and the moralization of health. I’ve ranted about this before. Countless comments on posts of big women that say stuff like “I’m all for body positivity, but this is just unhealthy and it shouldn’t be celebrated.” I’ve heard writer/activist Aubrey Gordon once say that body positivity has become something like a shield for anti-fatness. It’s anti-fatness that has been repackaged as empowerment. It’s a striking double-standard. Fat people are told to be comfortable in their bodies (as if that’s what’s going to fix things) but in turn are punished when they’re okay with being fat. Make it make sense.

Since thin people feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces, and they get to hide behind “health” when they are picking and choosing who can and cannot be body positive, they base it off of who looks the most socially acceptable. And I’m sure they aren’t consciously picking and choosing, it comes from implicit bias. But the socially acceptable bodies they center are small to medium fat, with an hourglass shape. They have shaped a new beauty standard specifically FOR FAT PEOPLE. (Have you ever seen a plus sized model with neck fat?? I’m genuinely asking because I have yet to find one!) The bopo movement works to exclude and silence people who are on the largest end of the weight spectrum. 

Speaking of exclusion, let’s talk about fashion for a minute.

For some reason, (COUGH COUGH CAPITALISM) body positivity is largely centered around fashion. And surprise surprise, it’s still not inclusive to fat people. Fashion companies get a pat on the back for expanding their sizing two sizes up from what they previously offered, when they are still leaving out larger fat people completely. In general, clothing companies charge more for clothes with more fabric, so people who need the largest sizes are left high and dry. It’s next to impossible to find affordable clothes that also look nice. Fashion piggybacks on the bopo movement as a marketing tactic, and exploits the very bodies it claims to be serving. (Need I mention the time Urban Outfitters used a "curvy” model to sell a size it doesn’t even carry?)

The movement also works to exclude and silence fat Black activists.

In her article, “The Body Positivity Movement Both Takes From and Erases Fat Black Women” Donyae Coles explains how both white people and thin celebrities such as Jameela Jamil profit from the movement that Black women built.

“Since long before blogging was a thing, fat Black women have been vocal about body acceptance, with women like Sharon Quinn and Marie Denee, or the work of Sonya Renee Taylor with The Body Is Not An Apology. We’ve been out here, and we’re still here, but the overwhelming face of the movement is white and thin because the mainstream still craves it, and white and thin people have no problem with profiting off the work of fat, non-white bodies.”

“There is a persistent belief that when thin and/or white people enter the body positive realm and begin to repeat the messages that Black women have been saying for years in some cases, when they imitate the labor that Black women have already put in that we should be thankful that they are “boosting” our message. This completely ignores the fact that in doing so they are profiting off of that labor. They are gaining the notoriety, the mark of an expert in something they learned from an ignored Black woman” (Coles).

My next essay will go into detail about this and illuminate key figures who paved the way for body acceptance in communities of color. 

The true purpose of this movement has gotten completely lost. So where the fuck do we go from here? 

We break up with it, and run back to the faithful ex our parents disapproved of. We go back to the roots of the fat liberation movement, carved out for us by the fat feminists, the queer fat activists, the fat Black community, and the allies it began with. Everything they have preached since the 1960s and 70s is one hundred percent applicable today. We get educated. We examine diet culture through a capitalist lens. We tackle thin, white-supremacist systems and weight based discrimination, as well as internalized bias. We challenge our healthcare workers to unlearn their bias, treat, and support fat patients accordingly. We make our homes and spaces accessible and welcoming to people of any size, or any (dis)ability. “We must first protect and uplift people in marginalized bodies, only then can we mandate self-love” (Gordon).

Think about it. In the face of discrimination, mistreatment, and emotional abuse, we as a society are telling fat people to love their bodies, when we should be putting our energy toward removing those fatphobic ideas and structures so that fat people can live in a world that doesn’t require them to feel bad about their bodies. It’s like hitting someone with a rock and telling them not to bruise!

While learning to love and care for the body that you’re in is important, I think that body positivity also fails in teaching that because it puts even more emphasis on beauty. Instead of saying, “you don’t have to be ‘beautiful’ to be loved and appreciated,” its main lesson is that “all bodies are beautiful.” We live in a society obsessed with appearance, and it is irresponsible to ignore the hierarchy of beauty standards that exist in every space. Although it should be relative, “beautiful” has been given a meaning. And that meaning is thin, abled, symmetric, and eurocentric. 

Beauty and ugliness are irrelevant, made-up constructs. People will always be drawn to you no matter what, so you deserve to exist in your body without struggling to conform to an impossible and bigoted standard. Love and accept your body for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE, because you do not exist to please the eyes of other people. That’s what I wish we were teaching instead. Radical self acceptance!

As of today, the ultimate message of the body positivity movement is: Love your body “despite its imperfections.” Or people with “perfect and imperfect bodies both deserve love.” As long as we are upholding the notion that there IS a perfect body that looks a certain way, and every body that falls outside of that category is imperfect, we are upholding white supremacy, eugenics, anti-fatness, and ableism.

[tommydarlings]

♧ the library ♧

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𝘬𝘦𝘺:       

☁  = fluff           ☯ = angst          ♡ = smut        ✰ = favorite        ♫  = song             

─ 𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 ─

˗ ˏ O N E S H O T S ˎ ˗

Period   | ☁ [0.3k]

   Summary: y/n has her period for the first time around her boyfriend Tom.   

Spill your guts or Fill your guts  | ☁ ✰ [0.8k]

Summary: Tom and y/n got an invetation to James Cordon show “Spill your guts or Fill your guts”. Who would have thought that Tom and y/n are so dirty?

Grenade | ☯ ✰ ♫ [1.2k]

Summary: Tom and y/n live happily together and they are the most gorgeous couple in Hollywood, right?

When i was your girl | ☯ ✰ ♫ [1.4k]

Summary: After y/n´s heartbreaking Music Video, Tom decides to fix it all because it isn´t to late, right?

Never give up | ☯ ☁ [0.9k]

Summary: y/n has one Dream, but what is when her Boyfriend Tom doesn´t support her, Well then he has to face the consequences

Why am I never good enough? | ☯ [0.4k]

Summary: Tom was the sweetest Boyfriend ever and he would never say anything bad about you, right?

Your perfect darling  | ☁ [0.4k]

Summary: After you saw the new picture where Ciara and Tom are kissing that Cherry just released, you feel all of a sudden extremely insecure and jealous.

Mrs. and Mr. Holland | ☁ [0.4k]

Summary: Tom is truly the best Husband a women can possible have.

drivers license | ☯ ♫ ✰ [1.1k]

Summary: Tom and you were maybe young, but you were so in love with each other, right?

all i want | ☯ ♫ ✰☁ [0.8k]

Summary: Tom want´s y/n back, will she let him?

Treat you better |  ☯ ♫ ✰☁ [1.2k]

Summary: What happens when suddenly Shawn mendes walks into Tom´s and y/n´s Relationship?

Fall for you ( and the floor ) | ☁ [0.4k]

Summary: What will Jimmy fallon and Tom think when y/n y/l/n aka. Tom´s girlfriend suddenly burst in Tom´s interview at Jimmy´s tonight show?

Jarley Quinn | ✰☁ [1.8k]

Summary: Your win an Oscar for your amazing role as Harley Quinn´s and Joker´s daughter, but you didn´t knew that Tom Holland aka your role model would be there too.

You just need him | ☁ [0.7k]

Summary: You just found out that you are not able to get any kids, how the hell should you tell your boyfriend Tom that?

Cherry Dream | ☯ ☁ ✰ [0.7k]

Summary: For tom was cherry rough, but he would never snap at you or even hurt you, would he?

The Hollands | ☁ [0.5k]

Summary: The only thing you need is your husband and a few encouraging words while you give birth to your little babygirl.

Who's loving you? | ♫ ☯ ☁ ✰ [2.9k]

Summary: You and Tom holland are sworn enimies... aren't you? ( special fic )

I Can't Help Falling In Love With You |♫ ☯ ☁ ✰♡ [5.1k]

Summary: The leader of the London Mafia is the devil in person and you would do everything you can to end him, wouldn't you?

She' a maniac | ☯ ☁ ✰ [3.9k]

Summary: Tom and his family are watching a live footage of the most dangerous women on earth, it's disgusting what you've did, but does he fall in love with you anyway? Well, yeah.

Perfectly wrong | ♫  ☯ ☁ ✰ [1k]

Summary: You and Tom were made to kill each other, but are you able to do that when you secretly love him?

dollface | ☁ ✰ [1.2k]

Summary: You are a big fan of the cute dorky British actor called Tom Holland so it's obvious that your nervous when you meet him, but how is he gonna react when he meets you?

Why´d you only call me when your high? | ♫ ☁  [0.8k] 

Summary: Tom is always calling you when he's high, but this time he´s addictet to something else, you.

Rule number 9 | ☯ ☁ ♡ [2.7k]

Summary: Your Harry Hollands best friend and you two have a list full of rules, rule number 9 is that your not allowed to fall in love nor do anything sexual with his brother Tom, but like everyone knows... Sometimes it's very hard to follow rules.

Purple Rain | ♫ ☯ [ 2.9k]

Summary: Love isn't temporary honey, but it can be made unforgettable.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ ˋS E R I E S ˎ ˊ ˗

All the good girl go to Hell | ☁ ☯ ♡

Summary: y/n has always been a quiet and shy girl. She was a typical good girl. And that's exactly what Tom Holland aka. the most feared man in the world want. A good girl, but will that work?

↳ ( discontinued )

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ B L U R B S ˎ ˗

emotional wreck | ☯ [0.5k]

Summary: What will happen when the most powerfull man, got the most emotional girl in his hands?

Date night | ♡ ✰ [0.4k]

Summary: Tom takes y/n out on a date and after the date, well... they are having their own little ´after party´.

I'm here for you | ☯ ☁ [0.2k]

Summary: You live in a toxic Relationship but your best friend Tom is there for you. 

Red | ♡ ☯ ☁ [0.7k]

Summary: Tom and you both don´t know vanilla sex, but what will happend when he takes it too far? 

Learn your lesson  | ♡ [0.4k]

Summary: When you were bad, then you have to be teached a lesson, that is easy...right?

You are my everything | ☯ ☁ ✰ [0.4k]

Summary: You and Tom both hate it when you give each other the silent treatment.

˗ ˏ D R A B B L E S ˎ ˗

You and Tom fight but makeup immediately afterwards | ☯ ☁

Tom's parents are asking him when he's gonna propose to you and he get's super nervous | ☁

Tom is talking to your baby bump | ☁✰

Tom thinks that you should better behave | ♡

You try to get your pencil back and end up on your knees infront of your history teacher Mr. Holland | ☁

─ 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 ─

˗ ˏ O N E S H O T S ˎ ˗

caught | ☁ ✰ [0.5k]

Summary: y/n stark is dating the little dorky boy called Peter Parker behind her Fathers back.

first time | ♡ [1.3k]

Summary: Peter parker and y/n want to take their Relationship to the next level.

Help me, the babies went insane | ☁ [0.6k]

Summary: y/n got elemental powers and her lil babies that she has with peter got some too... what happens when peter is home alone with the toddlers?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ S E R I E S ˎ ˗

---

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ B L U R B S ˎ ˗

I just wanted to be like you | ☯ [0.3k]

Summary: You just wanted to be like your father, well, not every Story got a happy ending.

The third broken Heart | ☯ [0.4k]

Summary: My heart got already broken two times, but Peter would never break it a third time, right?

Too much love to handle | ♡ ☁ [0.3k]

Summary: Peter is edging you until you can't take it anymore, until you cry. You think that everything was perfect, just a little bit too much... But how will Peter react when he is seeing that he made you cry?

˗ ˏ D R A B B L E S ˎ ˗

---

─ 𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐋 ─

˗ ˏ O N E S H O T S ˎ ˗

Don´t fucking touch her | ☯ ☁ [0.5k]

Summary: y/n´s worst nightmare comes true, but fortunately a young and attractive boy is here to save her.

Hold my hand ( or my throat ) | ☁ [0.4k]

Summary: y/n is Arvin´s girlfriend and y/n has a little secret that Arvin should never discover.

good girl gone bad | ♡ ☯ ☁️ ✰ [0.9k]

Summary: The innocent girl. That's what you are, but are you still so innocent when your boyfriend is Arvin Russel?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ S E R I E S ˎ ˗

---

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ B L U R B S ˎ ˗

I need you | ☯ ☁ [0.2k]

Summary: Arvin´s and y/n´s love is just stronger than anything else.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ D R A B B L E S ˎ ˗

---

[sacredtime]

While I’m more sided with Angel as a y/n if you couldn’t tell, I don’t have exactly a picture of what my y/ns would look like not even Angel. Usually the y/ns carry aspects of myself like my height, glasses because that’s usually glossed over by some writers and hair colour/length, any other features are just what’s prompted to fill in. As characters their looks are pretty much non existent to me like they’re me but their own entity at the same time.

One thing though is with darling probably my second or third fav y/n in the redacted universe I have headcanoned with their character is that they need glasses but stopped wearing them/started wearing contacts when they ended up running with Quinn bc he made them feel insecure about them/would break them as a ‘punishment’ and another aspect of financial control because glasses both the frame and lenses aren’t cheap.

With faceless characters like the boys it’s hard to see what if think they’d look like because admittedly I’m heavily influenced by others designs for them. I like everyone’s designs too much and what everyone’s universally agreed are features for certain characters.

There is one thing though I think Asher wears contacts. And like idk I just feel like he would. Like he has glasses but he just chronically loses them and I don’t think his eyesight would be too bad so I don’t think he’d wear them often anyways but when he does wear contacts I think he’d not only get normal ones but also get ones with designs and patterns on them because I think he would do that and it would fit his personality.

[funnyexel]

Quiet Tsundere x Reader

A/n: This is a drabble. If you like it don’t be shy, leave a request. In the requests on my page. Enjoy <3333

Masterlist Mega List

Yawning, your locker slams shut. You jump at the sudden action, drowsiness present in your form. He towered over you. Looking down at you as if you’re a lesser being than him. You stared back at him. Silently having a staring contest until you gave in. Yawning once again, you lean against the locker. “Yes?” You grip onto your books as they slowly slip out of your hands. He only looks you up and down. Hitting your books with little effort nearly knocking them out your hand and poking you with minimal force. “I’m tired. I was up all night.” You rub your watery eyes. He walked away from you. Maybe onto his next class but it was beyond you as the bell rang to continue your tiring school day. 

You sat in your usual choice of seats. In the back, you’ve been doing this since the first few weeks of school. The words coming out of the teachers mouth was equivalent to gibberish. You didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. Sleep was taking over your body as your head met the comfortable school desk. And just like that you were back into dream world. How you ended up sleeping in class was an interesting reason. To think it’d be because of studying or something like that but no. It was because of dumb, never gonna happen fantasies. And with the last person you thought would be in your head in this type of way. How in the world did this happen? Funny story...

“You’re telling me. You have no feelings whatsoever. If he’s not sexually harassing you, they say it’s a sign he likes you.” You roll your eyes at her ridiculous accusations. In your mind, the day he likes you is the day pigs fly. “Mhm. That’s exactly what I’m telling you. He doesn’t utter a word to me. What makes you think he likes me.” You chuckle, hearing how crazy it sounds coming from your mouth. This goes on for days and days on end. Until you’re up at night, thinking if he really does like you. Making scenes and scenarios in your head about confessions, dates and other things.

 And most unexpectedly fantasies about his voice, if it would be deep and smooth or high and premature. It really stumped you. You heard rumors around the school about how his voice is deep and gravely like concrete. Whatever that means, but then again it’s just rumors. Could be true, could be false but only the one the rumor is about will know. On the flip side, his “friends” were noticing his actions towards you as well. It was sudden nonetheless but it was frequently that they would see him around you. He had one true friend. One he knew since the crayon stage. 

He’s the only one that he got comfortable enough around to speak and use his voice. Why is this? He was insecure about his voice. It wasn’t bad or anything but he thought it was super deep, so one day after puberty hit him he decided to stop talking and only talk around those he’s comfortable around. He wanted you to be one of those people. Oh, how it would overjoy him for you to be one of those people. He could talk for hours and hours on end if he had the right person. And in the back of his mind, you were his right person. Corny? Yes and he knew this so he kept to himself. Keeping it well hidden at that. 

The girls that hung around his “friends” hung around him too and he disliked it. These wasn’t his kind of people, they were cool and whatever but not his type of crowd. They started to pick at you while he turned a blind eye. Saying small remarks like “such a pick me girl” and “she came outside wearing that?” It was subtle at first but became more and more obvious. Even though he wouldn’t talk, his body language spoke volumes. With a stare he stopped them from picking at you but it only stopped momentarily. Given they saw how it riled him up and they thought it was hot in a way. Very weird I know. 

“Y/n.” What’s that noise? You thought. “Y/n L/n!” A pair of hands slam on your desk causing you to jump up. They could visibly see the tiredness in your face. “Y/n, go to I.S.S.” They demand. The class inserts cartoon like noises, while you pack up your belongs and make your way to the classroom. You huff as you close the door to your classroom. Sleepily walking to the I.S.S. classroom which is turning into a jog as the hall monitor cracks down on you. They follow you to I.S.S. and close the door behind you. You look at the basically empty classroom with barely anyone in it. 

Sitting down at one of the back desks, you take out a notebook and doodle. A few minutes pass by and a piece of paper slides its way onto your desk. You didn’t see where it came from so you opened it. “how’d a goodie two shoes end up in here?” You lip sync to yourself, now knowing who its from. There lay, the way too familiar bookbag. You sigh and crumple the paper in your hand, putting it in your backpack. Now going back to your doodling activities. This time a paper ball hit your head and landed in front of you. “stop crumpling up my note, idoit.” You roll your eyes and write under his words. 

“you spelled that wrong and I’ll keep crumpling it up if I want to.” You throw it into his lap. He sat at the desk, in front of you to the left. “I know I did, you autocorrect junkie. did you break a pencil or better yet fold a paper wrong.” He was messing with you. “shut up and stop throwing this back, you’re gonna get me in trouble.” You finally go back to your doodling. You feel a minor yet hard kick in your leg. You jerk up ready to place your fury upon the poor soul. He puts his hand up for you to stop then points to the teacher, she was pregnant and out cold. He throws the paper at your chest and turns back.

Frustratingly, you open and read it. “she’s not even paying attention. and you have nothing better to do.” The temptation to crumple this paper is unbearable. “LEAVE ME ALONE!!” You throw the paper at his head, turning your body to the right and continue your doodling. Now in peace, you realize what you’re doodling. It was a mini comic about confessing. Alertly looking around, you rip out the page and shove it into your bookbag. ‘I hope no one saw that.’ You breath out at the thought. You felt little hits at your head, again and again and again. It was slowly getting to you. 

‘can’t this be over already.’ You bury your head into your arms. A soft tap is placed upon your right shoulder. Lifting up your head, an unbothered female rests the note on your desk. You’ve seen her before around the school, she was pretty antisocial as far as you knew. “Those group of girls in the front are staring at you.” At the last word, you lift up the note a bit to get the girls in your eye range. Placing the note on your desk, you reply. “nice to know...you wouldn’t happen to know why. would you?” You drop it on her desk. He stopped throwing paper at you. 

Unfolding her note. “because of your friend. watch out for them, they’re not so...friendly.” You glance at the women again, this time they notice you. “he’s not my friend. but thanks for the heads up. I’m y/n. what’s your name? I’ve seen you around before.” As you pass her the note, he gently places a note on your desk. “This is alot of note passing.” You mutter to yourself. “look at the door, stupid.” Rolling your eyes, you look and see your best friend. A smile creeps it’s way onto your face. “What are you doing?” You lip sync to her. “Class is over come on it’s lunch.” She motions you to come out.

Shaking your head, you receive the note from the girl. “Vera.” You put the note in your pocket and look back to your best friend having a silent squabble with him. You motion for her to stop. The sound of the bell echoes in the class, awaking the teacher. Looking to the ground, a puddle of papers engulf your feet. Thinking fast, you move your backpack closer to the papers and shove them all in your bag. “Ok. I don’t feel like filling in a report so this time, I’ll cut you all lose. Out.” She motions to the door and she didn’t have to tell you twice. You dashed to the door, almost knocking your best friend out. 

Taking her wrist, you pull her to the cafeteria. Sitting her outside at your usual table, she sighs. “He’s annoying....” You slowly nod to her observation. “Just right for you.” She adds to her unfinished statement with a devilish smile. You slap your hand to your forehead and shake your head. She chuckles, leaving to get lunch for you and her. You pull out the papers from your bag. All were blank except for one. 

“This note is for the Idiot who finds it.  You Lack In the brain department. Just so you Know. It Even hurts mY brain to talk tO yoU. Even though I don’t talk.” 

This note made no since what so ever, some letters were written over as if he made a mistake. You put the confusing note in your pocket for later. Feeling the breeze, you close your eyes and relax. “What do you want with Arthur?” A girl in close contact, spits with a noticeable cruel attitude. You open your eyes and they land on the same girls that were in I.S.S. They stare at you intensely. Causing you to answer. “Nothing.” You awkwardly say, playing with a piece of paper. She snatches the piece of paper from you. “Like hell! You’re ugly. He doesn’t like you and would never like you.” 

They encourage her hateful words. “Honestly, she’s the bottom of the barrel.” They begin to cackle at the ‘not so insulting’ insult. It was insulting but not so much for you to go crying to your mommy. Taking their leave. “And him being with you would be the top of the barrel. Wouldn’t it?” A snarky remark leaving your mouth, loud enough for them to hear. “What did you just say?” She turns her head, doll like. Reminding you of Annabelle. “I said, And him being with you would be the top of the barrel. Wouldn’t it?” You repeat yourself but speak slower so it can sink in. 

“Can we help you?” Quinn says, placing the food on the table and standing by you with her knee on the seat. “Listen here, skank. He doesn’t want you.” You roll your eyes at her. “Yeah, I can tell. I’m not interested in him. You can knock yourself out. Metaphorically.” You sigh and take a water from the tray. She gets visibly more frustrated and mad at your unbothered state. Scoffing loudly, she leaves you alone. Glancing at the surroundings, people were gathering around you. They soon realized it was just a disagreement and go back to their business. Quinn was very surprised at how you handled the situation.

Surprised that you even responded to her. “I’ll beat her up.” You chuckle at your best friend. “Words can’t hurt me.” You breathy huff and lean your head in your palm. Secretly staring at her approaching him, smothering him. ‘He looks so uncomfortable.’ You stop staring at her and look at him. He catches your eye and you revert your eyes back to Quinn. She was staring at you the whole time. “I’m not interested in him, she says.” She mocks you, even adding her own commentary. The end of the day came pretty quickly. The halls were practically empty as you went to your locker for the rest of your stuff. 

“I just had to get held back by that teacher. Wasn’t I.S.S enough for them?” You say to yourself as you put your stuff in your backpack. The click of your lock, set about some rapid footsteps coming towards you. You looked and two people grabbed you by the arms. “Let go of me!” You yelled in her face. She laughs wickedly as you get dragged into the bathroom. They striped you of your bookbag and threw you into the stall doors. Your back hit harder than it sounded. As they started to beat you up, you reached into your pocket and pull out your taser, tasing someone in the ankle. 

They dropped down to the ground and this was your chance. Hurriedly crawling to the bathroom door, you push it open. At that moment, you got away. A tight grip is placed upon your ankles with all your might you hold onto the door frame and scream to the top of your lungs. All the while, one of them were pulling your ankles with all their might. Your hands gave in as soon as another pair of palms gripped onto your ankles. Your screams echoed from the bathroom for a moment until an inhuman slam came across the door. Silence filled the restroom, you laid on the floor bruised up and lightly bloody as they stopped their movements to the new person. 

Hearing yelps of surprise, soon enough you were being lift up bridal style in strong arms. Your left eye refusing to open, you stared at him with your right. A heavy sigh of relief, left your lips as you leaned into him a little closer than before. The far too familiar sound of cheap paper crumping fills your ears as he sets you down on the nurses table. The nurse wasn’t there but the door was unlocked. He got some band-aids and alcohol. Sitting on a chair next to the table, he patched you up best he could. You avoided eye contact with him at all costs. “This is awkward.” His voice shook you to your core. Though you were already shaking from the recent events. 

“y-yeah.” Voice low and sore from screaming. He finished, putting all the stuff back, placing a ice pack to a huge bruise on your leg and giving you another for your eye. You stayed quiet for the most part, but you reached into your pocket and held out the crumbled note to him. He looked to you and took it. Leaving the ice pack on your leg, he unfolded it and immediately saw your writing on the bottom. “I like you too.” He lip synced your neatly written words. Shoving the note into his pocket, he gazed into your eyes with hopefulness. “can we leave?” You state, feeling like someone is watching you. He offered you a ride home which you gladly took, having already missed the public bus. 

You both talked the whole ride. Getting used to his voice. He took you to get some food. Throughout the ride, you both established that you’ll keep this relationship on the down low. Arriving at your home, you invited him in but he politely declined. “I’ll see you in the morning?” You leaned in the window and nodded with a smile. “Bye.” You flash one last smile before turning and walking to your front door. Putting in the passcode and entering the house. Walking into the kitchen you but your fast food bag on the island and took a sip of your drink as you dialed a frequent number. “Quinn. You will not believe what just happened.”

[narcissasdaffodil]

A prompt of your choice with Elisa??👀👀

“You thought I never noticed you, but I did. I always saw you.” This is from a prompt by @screnwriter and links to Feels Like This, my Noah oneshot. This one will hopefully be continued, I’ve enjoyed writing about Lucisol.

One minute Marisol was on top of the world, the next her heart was entirely destroyed. Quinn didn’t even have the common decency to tell her to her face, she had watched, helpless, as Quinn followed after Elisa on Girls’ Day, and they kissed. Quinn had promised her this was nothing to worry about, and had let her believe there was still a chance for them as a couple.

“Marisol, can I talk to you?” Marisol looked up from her breakfast to see Elisa shifting from foot to foot. The taller girl leant on the counter and refused to look at her directly. A sinking feeling grew in Marisol’s stomach and she fiddled with a loose curl of hair. “Sure. What’s this about, then?”

Elisa sighed, looking up from the counter briefly. It was difficult to maintain eye contact with her, Elisa was being considerably shifty. “Quinn told me not to tell you, but we kissed on Girl’s Day, right? Well…”

“Well, what? What happened?” Marisol felt herself lash out at Elisa, causing the other girl to move backwards, out of range. Elisa not coming out with it immediately was causing her anxiety to grow.

“I’m so sorry, but last night on the roof terrace, I was with Quinn. We kissed, and…” Elisa kept going, but Marisol blocked it out, her ear popping. Looks like you’re doomed to be forever unhappy. What’s so wrong with you that no one will stay? Quinn has a pattern of cheating on people, yet you didn’t pay attention. She did that to Lucas during Operation Nope earlier in the summer, yet you didn’t see the signs, the neon red warning signs. Hope had warned you to not lose your head with Quinn, she didn’t trust her. But of course, you knew best.

Marisol felt tears spill down her cheeks and she covered her mouth. She pushed aside her food, taking off her glasses and put her head on the counter, not wanting people to see her like this. She couldn’t hear anything and put her hands over her ears, hoping to block out the ringing sound in her head.

She felt a hand resting on her head and fiddling with her hair. The sensation made her feel sick and she sat up, only one person would touch her hair like that and that was the one person she wanted to avoid. Quinn had run over her heart in her tall high heeled boots and smashed it to bits, now she was completely broken.

“Marisol, why are you so upset?” Quinn’s voice softened as the other girl sat next to her. Marisol edged her stool as far as possible from her, turning her head away from the other girl.

“I don’t want to see you right now. You should know why, does last night on the roof terrace ring a bell at all?” She pulled back her composure, refusing to look at Quinn. “I gave up everything for you, and you refused to acknowledge that. Did I mean anything at all to you, or was I nothing at all? Just someone else for you to walk all over and discard when you were done with me, like you did to Lucas. I trusted you, and that was a mistake, pure and simple.”

Quinn grabbed onto her hand, clutching tight to it. Marisol tried to pull away, but Quinn’s grip tightened. “I’m not going to have you run away from me. No wonder Gary gave up so quickly, to think I felt sorry for you when he lied. He made one mistake, then you crucified him for it. Poor little Marisol, every single couple falling apart for you, and how unlucky you were. Spare me the sob story, I don’t care.” Quinn’s words cut deep into her, pressing on some of her deepest insecurities. She fought to keep her composure, feeling tears spill over.

“You cheated on me. How dare you try to blame me for your own fuck up. I’m not the one that cheated. Did you even like Elisa? Or did you just use her because you couldn’t get Noah? And this situation is nothing to do with Gary. I’m over that...” She felt Quinn’s grip lessen on her hand and turned to face her, noticing how the other girl was fidgeting with her hands and looked lost for words.

“And this situation is nothing to do with Gary, or any of my failed couples. I’m over that… I really don’t understand what Lucas and Henrik saw in you, you’re an awful person.”

“Don’t...don’t say that. That’s not fair! I’m not going to say I wouldn’t use someone, as technically speaking I did that to you. You’re hardly over Lurik date day, you keep bringing it up. Lucas would never like you, so I wouldn’t try it.” Quinn’s voice turned high and whiny, faced with the consequences of her own actions.

“Of course I like Elisa, that’s a stupid question. Ever since we kissed, I’ve liked her. And I needed to escape you. You’re far too clingy and expect me to dote on you. I wish I stayed with Lucas, but nope. I had to let you reel me in, I only ever felt sorry for you. I didn’t see you as a real romantic prospect, who would?” Quinn laughed, the sound echoing in the quiet kitchen. She pulled back enough composure to shatter Marisol further.

“I...I’ll say whatever I want. You can’t manipulate me in that way. No wonder you’re close to Lottie, both of you are bullies who are yet to grow up.” Marisol’s voice was weak as she stood up, backing into the stool which squeaked in protest over the flooring. She grabbed her glasses, pushing them up her nose and her breakfast and coffee mug, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. “We’re over, by the way. Don’t talk to me at all, unless necessary. You’re sleeping on the daybed permanently, until you can properly get together with Elisa. Why you couldn’t do that earlier without putting me in the middle, I don’t know.” Marisol rushed inside, hurrying upstairs. She dodged Bobby in the living room when he tried to follow her, and made her way to the roof terrace.

She set her coffee and breakfast plate on the bench and sat down, staring out over the Villa. Her bottom lip wobbled again as she felt herself break, and she took off her glasses again, preparing for the waterfall of tears. She curled up, resting her chin on her knees as she sobbed, hiding behind a curtain of hair. It was the start of a new day, but it felt like everything was turning awful again. Getting up early was a mistake, now she was stuck obsessing over her own decisions, what she could’ve done to make things better.

She heard footsteps and looked up in surprise to see Lucas, who moved aside her breakfast, sitting next to her on the bench. She watched him suspiciously, ready to bolt again. “I heard what happened with Elisa and Quinn, if you want to talk, let me know. She did it to me with Noah, and I decided to take her back, which was a bad idea. If you just want silence, that’s fine too.”

“Why...why are you here? Come to pity me? There’s no way you could’ve come for another reason. And I’m fine...Besides, what’s it to you? You didn’t care enough to give me a date when you came in, and haven’t given me the time of day since. I’d be surprised if you even knew anything about me, I fade into the background so easily. How do I know you’re not just going to report back to Quinn, anyway?”

“I haven’t talked to her once since before the last recoupling. I had no idea you two were together, it snuck up on me. It was her responsibility to have the common decency to say something.” He sighed and looked directly at Marisol, wiping her eyes with his finger. “You thought I never noticed you, but I did. I always saw you. I’m sorry for the dates, for all that’s worth. If you want me to find Hope, I’ll do that. But you shouldn’t be alone when you’re like this. I know from experience, I’ve done enough overthinking to last a lifetime because of Quinn.”

Marisol blinked. His finger on her cheek was causing her to short circuit and she blushed. He always saw you? Really? Maybe you’re not alone after all.

“You...saw me? I don’t know what to say to that. Please stay. I’m just really surprised by that. Why would you care about me? There’s so much wrong with me. I either leave, or people get scared off by me…” Her breath caught in her throat and she stared at the bench, grabbing her breakfast and taking a bite of her bagel to distract herself.

“I’m staying right here. And Hope hasn’t been scared off by you. As well as Bobby. I’m sure I can add more people to that growing list, but it’s a start.”

Marisol put the bagel back on her plate and looked up at him. She knew she probably looked an absolute state, and he didn’t have to follow her, yet he did. “Quinn couldn’t even tell me herself. She wanted Elisa to keep it a secret, and they could crack on behind my back. I’m just thankful Elisa had the sense to confess. Poor Bobby, he deserves better than her.”

“So do you. Quinn expects people to just sit by while she destroys everyone in her search for Noah, and until she gets him, everyone else will get walked all over. I learned that the first time she cheated, but went straight back afterwards. I’m not making that mistake again. Being coupled with Chelsea isn’t ideal, but…” He stopped mid sentence and studied her thoughtfully. She blushed under his gaze, cursing herself for getting this flustered. He’s just being kind, and you could do with more friends.

“You interest me, and I’d like to get to know you more. I’ll admit, I was surprised when you coupled up with Quinn. You’re much calmer, you actually give me time to think. Sometimes with Quinn, I’d have her chatting on and on without me getting a chance to get a word in edgewise. On top of that, children aren’t exactly in my plan for life. What about you?”

Marisol shook her head quickly. “Definitely not, I prefer to focus on my career. Cats on the other hand, are a different story. I take it Quinn wants the opposite? In that case, maybe I dodged a bullet.” Part of her felt relieved at the acknowledgement of that, and at the same time, something clicked within her.

“She called me clingy, which is true. Ever since she supported me unconditionally during Roccogate, I fell for her hard. Despite the fact that we were completely different people. Come to think of it, all three of my major relationships here were started by the person being kind to me. Rocco was the only one who cared about me on the day of the Lurik dates, and I mistook that kindness for love, not realising he was playing everyone. While for Graham, he seemed to focus on me and only me when we were together. He saw me as a weak link, an easy way to get into the Villa, and I was too blind to see it. Quinn on the other hand, was completely perfect. She cared about me so much that I never thought that could be a lie. But clearly I was so awful she needed to escape. And everything fell apart, once again. It’s like school again, always the outcast.” She let out a harsh laugh, the situation making her realise that she wasn’t cut out for relationships.

“Maybe I should just cut my losses and be alone forever. As people are always going to leave. I deserve it at this point. I wish people liked me more, but I can’t do anything about that. I’ll never be enough for them...” Her voice wavered and she sobbed again.

Lucas caught her chin, turning her face to face him. He focused completely on her when he spoke. “Marisol, listen to me. You shouldn’t base your own self worth around other people, and you’re not going to be alone forever. You’re not an awful person, it was Quinn who cheated in the first place.”

“The worst part of this whole mess is that Elisa reminds me so much of my ex Olivia, who cheated on me. They don’t look the same, but they have the same energy, it was pretty unnerving at first. So the fact I got cheated on again, and with someone so similar to Olivia, is just typical. Elisa even flirted with me when she first came in and I turned her down flat. She was flirting with both of us, and Quinn saw something special in her, I guess. Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear me moan so much.”

“You don’t have to apologise. It’s better to get it out.”

Marisol felt tears spill over again, and found herself moving closer to Lucas, nestling into his shoulder as she sobbed. His kindness without strings was unexpected, but it was helping. He moved her coffee cup and plate out of the way and let her move closer to him, wrapping his arms around her. The close proximity of him calmed her down, he was good at helping her talk through her feelings. The crush on him that she had before reignited, and she tried to ignore it.

Once they separated, the question on the tip of her tongue made her nervous. What if you’re just projecting onto his kindness, for the fourth time?

“W...would you be interested in a friendship couple with me? It’s okay if you’re not, anything would be better than Quinn.”

He nodded. “Of course.”

The door opened again, and Hope appeared. She rushed over, sitting on Marisol’s other side. “Are you okay? That’s probably a silly question, but you completely disappeared. I’ve been trying to find you.”

Marisol winced. “I’ve been better. But Lucas has been helping, he’s been a good friend to me.”

Hope nodded and looked between the two of them, smiling slightly. Her eyes glittered slightly, which confused Marisol. It seemed like Hope was happier about this than she had when Marisol had spilled the beans to her about her crush on Quinn, and she found herself questioning that. “Come on, let’s get you all cleaned up and ready. You can bring your breakfast with you, I’m staying with you regardless.”

Before Marisol had the time to react, Hope grabbed Marisol’s mug and breakfast plate, causing Marisol to grab her glasses and nearly rushed after her. She turned to Lucas and gave him an awkward wave. “Thank you for caring about me. See you later, then.”

He nodded in response as she rushed after Hope. Even though she felt awful, things were looking up just a little bit. She didn’t want to spend the entire day hiding in bed and letting Quinn know how much the other girl’s actions had bothered her, so the next best option was to spend time with Hope, and hopefully Lucas. She didn’t want to rush into something new quite as quickly, but part of her was hoping he had the feelings that were swirling around inside her.