#but in the end she still ends up mourning alone

[lady-griffin]

This idea continues throughout the movie -

Really in two parts (at least these are the two I noticed)

In What is This Feeling, Galinda has the entire student body on her side and when she leading the dance in the end, she looks up and is suddenly devastated. Because for Galinda, in that moment, she’s lost to Elphaba, who’s being taught and given affection by her idol, Madame Morrible, the one person Galinda actually looks up to in terms of where she places herself.

She wants Madame Morrible to believe in her and be on her side, but she only has the crowd supporting their idea of her.

Then we have the train scene, where Elphaba tells her it doesn’t matter what her name is because everyone loves her anyway, but once again Glinda doesn’t care about the crowd, she wants Fiyero, even though he’s no longer the perfect, shallow prince of her dreams.

And yeah, I’m still impressed that the plot doesn't have Glinda hating Elphie for “stealing” what she wants or becoming the villain (going for the clearcut good-wicked switchover), because at the end of the day, the person Glinda loves and admires the most is Elphaba.

Elphaba who takes on the crowd's hateful view of her, something Glinda is still terrified to do.

In the end, she picked the safety of her bubble and the crowd’s love, and now she’s alone.

In the moment, she's alone in mourning the “wicked," but going off what OP is saying, who will mourn Glinda?

Not Glinda the Good Witch because she’ll be mourned across Oz; who will actually mourn the person Glinda is underneath her perfectly manicured façade once she's passed?

Based on how Glinda clings to and maintains her facade, she clearly believes no one will.

"No One Mourns the Wicked" is about Glinda, not Elphaba

Okay, but hear me out. Wicked songs are so good at saying one thing and meaning something entirely different once you have more context. For instance, "I'm Not That Girl" is Elphaba singing about Glinda initially, then in Act 2 flips to Glinda singing about Elphaba. Because it turns out, Elphaba IS that girl and Glinda is not. When we meet the Wizard, he sings about how he always wanted to be a father. When you get to Act 2, you get the sad little reprise in the background music as he realizes that WHOOPS, he was one and he destroyed his only kid. "Defying Gravity" starts with "I hope you're happy" in the sarcastic sense and ends with them both using the same phrase to genuinely wish one another well.

"Thank Goodness" is set up as a cheerful engagement song where Glinda genuinely means "thank goodness for how great my life is" and ends in a place where she's insisting that she IS happy even as she realizes her engagement is a sham, her best friend is gone, and she's left with the Wizard and Madame M, who she doesn't even like.

You get the picture.

Basically, the whole musical is about subverting what you expect, starting with the base premise of "what if the Wicked Witch was the hero of the story" and digging in from there.

Honestly, I'd never paid much attention to the first song. It's a good opener, sets things up well, but it has some big competition with later songs. However, in the movie the staging and camera choices made me really notice it for the first time. Because you know what? Someone DID pay attention to that song, and you can really really tell.

For those who need a refresher, the lyrics to the chorus Glinda sings are: And Goodness knows The Wicked's lives are lonely Goodness knows The Wicked die alone It just shows when you're Wicked You're left only On your own I was always so busy noticing Glinda's grief over thinking Elphaba was genuinely dead that I failed to notice Glinda's grief over her OWN fate. The movie did such a good job with this because every time we get to the pink lines about being alone, Glinda IS alone. She is standing apart from the crowd who adores her. Standing above them. Standing at the center of a bunch of people yet still, isolated.

Because in the end, we know that Elphaba DIDN'T die alone. We know she wasn't on her own. We know her life WASN'T lonely ultimately. She had her flying monkey and animal friends. She had Fiyero.

And who does Glinda have?

Everyone, but realistically, no one. She is an ideal, not a person to most of Oz, just as much as Elphaba has become the token scapegoat. Where Elphaba is the "Wicked Witch," Glinda is "Glinda the Good Witch" - she is literally supposed to be the embodiment of goodness.

And what does Glinda have at the end of this whole thing (as of this song at least)? A disastrous end to her engagement, the death of her best friend, a sorceress who has hated her, demeaned her, and dismissed her from the start, and a con man who is also just a symbol more than a person.

I think it really hit me when Glinda throws the fire on the giant effigy of Elphaba. Ariana's acting was SO good there, because I'd expected us to see that private moment of horror or regret. What I didn't expect was the sort of determined and almost angry glare at the effigy.

But it makes sense. At this point, Glinda has realized that she lost everything and everyone she actually cared about.

As she so aptly puts it in "Thank Goodness"...

Though it is, I admit The tiniest bit Unlike I anticipated. But I couldn't be happier, Simply couldn't be happier, Well, not "simply" 'Cause getting your dreams It's strange, but it seems A little, well, complicated.

There's a kind of a sort of cost. There's a couple of things get lost. There are bridges you cross You didn't know you crossed Until you've crossed!

And if that joy, that thrill Doesn't thrill like you think it will Still-- With this perfect finale, The cheers and the ballyhoo! Who wouldn't be happier? So I couldn't be happier, Because happy is what happens When all your dreams come true.

Well, isn't it?

Happy is what happens when you're dreams come true.

It's not Elphaba's fault that Glinda has ended up this way. Glinda chose it every step of the way. Yet, if Glinda had never met Elphaba, (if she'd never known her, you could say), she might have stayed shallow and vain. She might never have been challenged to look deeper and realize how empty it all felt.

So as Glinda sings "No One Mourns the Wicked," she realizes that even if the Munchkins are singing about the "Wicked Witch," she's not.

She's singing about herself.

The one who traded her morals, friendship, and love for a taste of the admiration and power over those who don't really know her. The one who was so worried about being likable that she herself doesn't like who she's become.

Even after she makes things better for Oz and herself by sending the wizard away and getting rid of Madame M, it just leaves Glinda by herself as the leader and source of goodness in Oz. It leaves her on a pedestal she can never step off of.

It leaves her lonely.

Entirely alone.

[chipperchemical]

assigning a devastating quote to each Life Series member because i want to ruin your day (feel free to suggest alternatives!)

Bdubs - "I love you. It will end." (Anna Belle Kaufman, "Cold Solace")

BigB - "I never expected you to actually finish anything. You were always leaving. I always picture you with a suitcase in your hand." (Margarita Karapanou)

Etho - "What are you doing, you wretch, killing your own son, burning him, it's the same old story, it starts with a lamb and ends with the murder of the person you should love most." (José Saramago, "Cain")

Gem - "God never gave me a single useable passion, but did give me sharp teeth and a strong jaw." (Traci Brimhall, "The Fate of my Seven Husbands")

Scar - "It was then that Sisyphus realised the gods must be gone, that his wings were nothing more than a perception of their absence. He dared to raise his fist to the sky. Nothing, gloriously, happened. Then a different terror overtook him." (Stephen Dunn, "Sisyphus and The Sudden Lightness")

Grian - "You're addicted to loneliness and desperation. It's the strongest emotion you've ever known, so your subconscious tells you that it's your destiny. You will be alone always and then you will die." (Heather Havrilesky, entry for the "Ask Polly" column)

Impulse - "Grieving, grieving, constantly grieving. I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't save." (tumblr user "ojibwa")

Martyn - "Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was always just red." (Kait Rokowski)

Lizzie - "This was always going to happen. She's been dead since the beginning." (Aeschylus, "The Oresteia")

Mumbo - "I beg you, eat me up. Want me down to the marrow." (Hélène Cixous, "The Love of the Wolf")

Pearl - "You want to be loved if only to prove it possible: to tell the world that someone saw you as a conquest and came back alive." (Silas Denver Melvin, "Love as an Act of Merciful Conquer")

Ren - "My God, my God, whose performance am I watching? How many people am I? Who am I? What is this space between myself and myself?" (Fernando Pessoa, "The Book of Disquiet")

Skizz - "Better creatures could love you, I know. But now they'll have to get through me." (tumblr user "ihopewestay")

Scott - "She decides God is no good, but he must exist, he must exist so she can hold him accountable." (Ada Limón, "The Echo Sounder")

Joel - "I've always preferred Cain. His angry loneliness, his lack of mother's love, his Christian sarcasm: "Am I my brother's keeper?" asks his brother's murderer. Aren't we indeed the keepers of our dead?" (Valzhyna Mort, "Genesis")

Jimmy - "I won't last. Memory is sweet. Even when it's painful, memory is sweet." (Li-Young Lee, "Mnemonic")

Tango - "Isn't all that rage so ugly? And isn't it mine, still? Good God, isn't it mine?" (Ashe Vernon, "Buried")

Cleo - "God is fucking with my oblivion. If he wanted forgiveness, he shouldn't have given us memory." (Vi Khi Nao, "Fish In Exile")

[lillaydee]

Uncoupled - The Beginning

Roommate! Joel Miller / Reader

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce.

Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

WARNINGS: Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), No age gap, Roommate Joel, Teacher Joel, Handyman Joel, Insecure Joel, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning.

SERIES MASTER LIST

June

---

… Previously on Uncoupled …

(Sorry, couldn’t help myself – insert dramatic music here, if you prefer. In my head, it’s the L&O SVU two-note since Joel had apparently committed a serious offense)

She pleaded with him to stay, telling him she knew he didn’t really want to leave. Because if he did, he wouldn’t have left something extremely valuable to him with her at the house. Please, Joel, come back to me. I’ll do better, she said, practically grabbing his arm to lay in bed with her, before losing consciousness again.

His thoughts and reminisces of their past life was suddenly interrupted by his phone dinging. Someone had texted him. An unknown number.

‘You sure your girlfriend doesn’t want her husband back, Miller?’

A picture quickly followed. Joel could feel his heart drop to the floor, the picture blurry from his immediate tears, his insides turned ice cold.

Another text. From you, this time.

‘Max just stopped by. Something happened. I’ll explain when you get back, okay?’

And whatever warmth that his body had left just escaped his form altogether.  

**********

His phone was knocked out of his hand. It flew across the small room, hitting the wall before dropping on the ground, the screen cracked beyond recognition, darkened.

He turned around to see Jen, who he thought was unconscious, wide awake, glaring daggers at him.

“Why are you still thinking about her? You’re here with me. She cheated on you, Joel. If you could leave me for cheating, why won’t you leave her?”

Joel forced himself to stay calm. If there was one thing Maria and her colleague who was handling his divorce had told the two of you time and again, it was to stay calm. Be patient. Assume everything being done to you a trick to get evidence against you. Make you look bad in the divorce. So yes, he will stay calm. He wasn’t going to give her any ammunition. Not right now.

“How did you know she was cheating on me?”

Her face warped from anger to panic. She dismissively mentioned the picture someone just sent him.

“That was a kiss, which was somehow conveniently captured while it was happening. Weird how someone just happened to stand by to take a picture, wasn’t it? And let’s not forget, you kissed me too. And I’m definitely not cheating on Lily with you.”

He tried his best to get his feelings in check, despite his shaking hands and the turmoil going on in his heart. Even though he doubted you were willingly kissing Max, he couldn’t help the jealousy and anger that was spreading steadily throughout his body, as he was sure you would have felt if someone had sent you a picture of him and Jen kissing. As he was sure you felt when he told you she had kissed him.

“She fucked him, Joel. He told me. He went to the house sometimes when Ellie was napping after school.”

Bingo.

He knew she was lying. How could you have done that? He picked up Ellie, not you. If she was napping, it was either at his classroom or office, your bakery, or at home with him. Never with you alone. Not without him being present too. When you were not with him you were at the bakery, with Tess, Frank and Alice. He doubted they would have let you get away with such stupidity. Even if you went out for deliveries, Tess or Frank was always with you. And more importantly, he knew you wouldn’t do that to him, with Max, of all people. He trusted you with his life, let alone his heart.

He was angry. Angry she had stooped so low, angry that Max had stooped so low. That they were still trying to separate you and him, despite the two of you making it quite clear that you were not interested in reconciliation.

“Joel, honey, please. Can’t you see? She’s no good for you. Look, why don’t you come home with me? We can start over, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll change, I promise. All this,” she said, gesturing to the room, the wires on her chest, the tubes going into her arm, “Had shown me how important you are to me, Joel. Life is short, honey, let’s not throw away 15 years of love for something so silly. Please? I need you right now, Joel. Are you really going to leave me alone after all this?”

Joel didn’t say anything.

“Joel, how could you stay with her after a few months when she did exactly what I did to you? We were together 15 years Joel! Is that how little you feel about me? Don’t you have any love left for me at all?”

Joel remined silent. His mind calculating his next move. He needed to call you. But his phone was shattered and dead on the other side of the room. And try as he might, he couldn’t remember your number. He cursed the fact that he hadn’t bothered remembering any numbers other than Tommy’s and his Mama’s. He could, he supposed, call them and have them warn you, but what if Jen noticed? She wasn’t letting him out of her sight, to the point of stubbornly fighting her anaesthesia.

He could just leave. But knowing that Max and Jen had gone out of their way to find reasons to split the two of you up, he was now worried that she would use his leaving in her condition as a way to turn the divorce around on him. Make him the guilty party. Worse, that it would make you look like the guilty party too. And he couldn’t, wouldn’t chance putting you and Ellie under any additional duress at this point. You were so close. One week.

“Joel, come back. If you do, I’ll give you back what you thought you had lost. Surely that baker and the little orphan are not worth losing a pretty penny?”

His head snapped towards his soon to be ex-wife at this statement.

Just like that, he knew what he had to do.

**********

You stood in the doorway of Ellie’s room for what felt like hours, watching the little girl sleep, tears falling down your face, wondering how on earth you were going to tell her Joel had left. You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe Joel would fall for such a stupid manipulation. Someone took a picture of the kiss. Who? You were not a celebrity. Why would someone stand by in front of your house with a camera to capture a kiss between you and your soon to be ex-husband?

You were suddenly angry. At Joel. He told you Jen kissed him. And as much as you wanted to tear her face off for that, you stood by him. Believed him when he said he didn’t want the kiss. How could he just leave without listening to your half of the story?

You went into your closet to ‘help’ him pack. You were seething. He wanted out? Fine. You’ll help. He didn’t even have to come back for the rest of his stuff. You’ll pay someone to deliver them to him.

But when you opened your closet, you were dumbstruck to find all his belongings, his clothes, his books, his toiletries, were all still where they were before he left. What the heck did he pack into those suitcases?

This wasn’t making any sense.

Your phone dinged. You went to the living room where you left it. Pictures of Joel carrying his suitcases back into his marital home, Jen in tow, flooded your screen. All from Max. You tried Joel’s number again, still straight to voicemail. You texted him again, still undelivered.

Fuck, you were going crazy. You didn’t want to call anyone, lest they, namely Bill, decided to go out on a warpath and tear Joel’s head off. Not when you yourself was still confused and unsure of what was going on.

Max called you. Again and again. You didn’t pick up. At this point, you needed to be very careful with him. You always were before, listening to Maria’s advice. Never picking up, never replying his texts. You cursed your weakness for letting him hug you earlier. Cursed the fact that you felt obliged to let him, that you were, in no small way, mourning the end of the marriage you had with him.

You tried to recall what happened when he came home. But you found yourself encased in the memory of Jen’s smug face, pushing the fact that Joel had decided to go back to her into yours, the flood of emotion you were feeling, the defeat, the confusion, and try as you might, you couldn’t get the image of her wedding ring on her finger out of your mind. Was Joel wearing his? What did he say to you before he left?

He’ll be back for the rest of his stuff.

Fuck. Your head was swimming. You found yourself sitting numbly on your couch, the one you always snuggled with Joel on, laying yourself down and pulling the blanket draped across the back over yourself, Joel’s smell still on it, and closed your eyes, ignoring the stubborn tears that fell as you tried your hardest to fall asleep, hopefully waking up when this nightmare was over.

God, you hoped this was just that. A nightmare.

**********

The sound of his pick-up truck driving up your driveway woke you. You sat up, waiting for whatever may come next. Although groggy, your mind was fresh with today’s happenings. You felt helpless, confused, really not knowing what to expect. The sounds of doors opening and closing caused you to sit frozen. Was there someone with him? You knew that was his truck. But your heard two doors opening and closing. Did he bring Jen back here with him?

The sounds of a key being inserted into the lock and the jiggle that followed was perhaps the loudest sounds you had ever heard in your entire life. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breathe. You felt your tears were readily pooling behind your eyeballs, just ready to be pushed out at a moment’s notice.

The door opened, and Joel walked in, carrying the two suitcases he had brought out with him back in. He saw you immediately, and your tears found their way out uncontrollably. He took long strides and sat next to you, pulling you into his arms, placing you on his lap, hugging you tight, kissing your temple over and over again, telling you he’s sorry, he didn’t have a way of telling you. He had to do it, he couldn’t chance Jen knowing. He’s so sorry.

“Joel, he tricked me, I didn’t want to kiss him, he pretended to come over to bring the rest of my things and he asked for a hug and I was so stupid…”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, I believe you. No, baby, don’t cry. I’m not mad at you. I know they planned this. Shh… shh… no baby, I’m not going anywhere, I’m here. I’m sorry I scared you… I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. Shh… shh…”

He kept coaxing you, comforting you, holding you close, until you calmed down. When you finally pulled back from him, his own eyes were filled with tears, apologizing to you for scaring you, before pulling his phone out, showing you its shattered carcass.

He told you everything that happened at the hospital. He told you why he had to come back and pull what he pulled – he had to, to retrieve something that was invaluable to him. Something he thought he had lost years ago. Something he had not even thought of this past year, already accepting he had lost it, or so he thought.

He pulled a broken piece of thick black string out of his pocket, tied to a worn out penny with a tiny hole drilled into it. You took it from him. The penny was so worn out parts of it were missing, no longer round nor smooth around the edges. You looked at him, confusion in your eyes. He put you through all that, for this?

“My late Papa taught me how to play the guitar. This was the penny he used as a pick. He used to wear this string around his wrist. He only took it off when he wanted to play. When he died, I wore it around mine. Never took it off. I only stopped using it as a pick when it started to fall apart,” he told you, running his thumb on the uneven edge. “It fell off my wrist one day, I just looked down and saw that it wasn’t there anymore. I looked for it for weeks, months, and finally I gave up, figuring it fell somewhere when I was out and about.”

He took it back from you, looked at it for a long time, before continuing.

“Today, I found out she had found it and kept it. Never told me. She knew how much this meant to me. My Mama kept his wedding band, Tommy kept his watch, and I kept this. It’s all I have of his.”

You laid your head on his chest and traced your finger around the penny in his palm. He closed his hand around yours, kissing you on the temple, inhaling your scent in as long as he could.

“She told me that she would give it back to me, if I agree to go back home with her. I wasn’t planning to come home first, but she insisted. I had to, she threatened to destroy this. I couldn’t call you to warn you, I was kind of hoping you would be at the bakery. When I agreed, she took out her wedding band and put it back on. I’m sorry for whatever she said to you. I tried to be as fast as I could, minimize the damage, you know? Took empty suitcases with me to make her believe I was going back. But clearly, she did what she did. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. But it’s over, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I just really wanted this back. I wanted to give it to Ellie one day, you know? My Papa taught me the guitar, and I’m teaching Ellie, and I wanted to pass this on to her one day.”

“Like an heirloom?”

“If it’s too presumptive of me…”

“No… it’s perfect.”

He interlaced his fingers with yours, the penny in between your palms.

“I love you, Lily, I’ve been in love with you for a while, I didn’t say it because I thought it was too soon, but thinking I could’ve lost you today, I can’t hold it in anymore. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Ellie. I’m so sorry. Please understand, I didn’t mean to scare you like that, much less hurt you. Please.”

He held your forehead close to his own, begging you to forgive him. You kissed him in response, telling him you forgave him, and asked that he forgave you too. He told you there was nothing for him to forgive, lifting you up and taking you to bed, where he proved to you again and again that his love was only for you, and that he was never leaving you as long as he was breathing.

As he held you close in his arms that night, you told him you loved him too.

**********

Joel went over to the new neighbour’s house the next morning before school and came back with a huge smile on his face. He told you to expect some texts from them, since his phone was still out of commission. He took Ellie’s phone with him to school just so you had a way of calling him if needed, the little girl thankfully clueless about yesterday’s drama.

You received a video from the young man down the street, immediately going to Joel’s classroom to show him. He took you to the staff common room, where Lucy was idly going through her phone, a cup of noodle in her hand. She looked a bit uneasy seeing you there but managed a smile regardless. Joel sat next to her, asking her what she was doing in front of his house the day before.

“What? I wasn’t in front of your house. I don’t know where you live,” she said, rather defensively.

He showed her the video in return, a security camera the young men had installed on their driveway, where she could clearly be seen standing just off your driveway with her phone in hand.

Her face turned chalk white.

“Listen, remember the Christmas concert? When you kissed me against my will? That was sexual harassment, Lucy, in case you didn’t know. I haven’t told anyone about it, didn’t want to ruin your career or anything, but I will, if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I didn’t kiss you at the Christmas concert,” she attempted, panic surrounding her. She didn’t think of it that way, obviously.

“I saw it, I was there. I can talk too,” you quickly supplied.

Lucy deflated. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and told Joel that Jen had approached her. She was looking for Joel one day and heard Lucy telling another teacher about her unrequited crush on Joel and her lame attempts to forget him – going after the new Maths teacher hoping that she could forget Joel. It wasn’t working. Jen offered a very lucrative payment if she would just help Max out with the picture. She figured, why not? If she couldn’t have him, the least she could do was make sure you couldn’t have him either, make a few bucks in the process. So she went to your place at the agreed time, took some pictures and sent them to Max.

She agreed to give a statement to Maria in case Max tried to use the picture against you in the divorce, and apologized for the trouble she may have caused, looking very ashamed of herself. Joel quickly asked her to go to his classroom with the two of you so you could arrange a Zoom session with Maria for the statement. The sooner the better.

Just as the three of you left the common room, you ran into Jen, who had come in looking for Joel, stomping her way towards the common room. Her initially indignant face snapped shut the moment Lucy came out, knowing that she had talked.

She took a deep breath, tried to put on a smile and stepped closer to Joel, who immediately pulled you behind him, just in case.

“You said you would come back to me.”

“No, I said I would go home with you, and I did. I didn’t say I would stay married to you.”

“You drugged me, stole my belonging and left me to die!” her perfect teeth were so gritted at this point you could hear them squeak.

You could see why Joel said she was not as beautiful as you thought she was. She looked like a deranged Barbie. Even Lucy was taken aback.

“No, I gave you your prescribed medication, took my belonging, and left when you fell asleep.”

“And you,” she snarled at Lucy, making the leggy blonde take a step back, “You owe me ten thousand dollars!”

“Really? For what?” you asked, an innocent look on your face.

Jen made to grab at you, but Joel stopped her, “Do it, and I will take everything you have with me,” he said, “I’ve been nice, all I ask is you leave us alone. But do this, push my patience, and you will see just how vengeful I can get. Try me, Jen.”

He looked so serious, Jen shrunk back. Never in all the years she had known him had she ever seen him this angry. It actually scared her. It suddenly occurred to her he had never snapped in all the years she had known him, not even when he caught her cheating on him, and now, when the safety of the woman he loved was threatened, he might actually hit his limit.

She stared at him for a while, before finally coming to her senses. She shook her head in defeat, turned around and left.

**********

You walked out of the meeting room with Maria, arms around each other, thanking her for coming in to settle this during her maternity leave. She insisted, really. You would have been fine if one of her associates had come in in her stead. No, we’re sisters now. Sisters help each other, she assured you.

The door to the meeting room opposite yours opened, and Joel walked out, immediately coming to you and Maria, giving her a kiss on the cheek and hugging her before taking you into his arms, both of you releasing thankful breaths.

Honestly, the two of you had never felt lighter or happier. It’s all over. Papers were willingly signed, no drama.

Max and Jen finally accepted defeat, realizing that you and Joel were never going back to them. Max even apologized, actually cooperating throughout the entire process. He knew he was defeated when Joel seemed unphased by the picture of the kiss – he had to admit that Joel was a bigger man than he was – he knew he wouldn’t have accepted it if it were him. And ultimately, he accepted that Joel really did love you for who you were, unlike him. Despite her cooperation, Jen didn’t speak to you or Joel again without her lawyer present, worried Joel would actually stay true to his words and take her to the cleaners.

The three of you walked into the bakery where everyone was waiting, Jackson happily cooing in his Uncle Bill’s arms, Ellie making funny faces at him. There was no problem finding willing babysitters in this family, Frank had said.

The family toasted the happy occasion, and the possibility of many more to come. Joel held you in one arm, Ellie in the other, looking so content and happy he could burst. He gave Ellie a slobbery kiss and turned to give you one, Ellie immediately making a face and climbing down from his hold.

“God, they’re worse than my parents!”

**********

“Joel!”

Hmm?

“Joel! Wake up!”

Joel opened one eye, feeling way too comfortable to open both. He had you in his arms, his bed all warm, his face full of your smell.

“Joel!”

“What?”

“Wake up!”

He lifted his head up, looked at the alarm next to your side of the bed. It’s 5 am.

“What are you doing up? You have school in a few hours. Go back to sleep. First day of big girl school! Yay!” he said sleepily, before burying his face in your hair again.

“Joel! Where’s your wife?”

What? He’s holding you. You’re right…

He lifted his head and looked at you. Only it wasn’t you he was hugging. It was your pillow, and that darned furry blanket his Mama had knitted for you that you suddenly couldn’t live without.

He shot up. Ellie was looking at him, judgment in her eyes, arms crossed on her chest.

“Her car is gone. I thought I heard someone leave. I thought she wasn’t supposed to go to the bakery today.”

“She wasn’t. She hasn’t since last week.”

He leapt out of bed and knocked on the guest bedroom. Anita answered, eyes bleary from sleep.

“Lily’s gone,” Joel shouted at her, getting dressed as fast as he could, almost falling face first into the closet door trying to get his jeans on. “Ellie! Go back to bed. Mama, watch her will you?”

“No, I’m going with you,” Ellie protested, already pulling her jacket on. Anita joined her, magically dressed, ridding the crusts in her eyes.

Joel didn’t even want to stop to protest. He grabbed his keys and ran out, peeling out as soon as Anita buckled Ellie in from her seat. His phone rang just as he pulled in behind the bakery, parked right in between your car and Tess’s, almost ramming into Frank’s. He jumped out, almost bulldozing Tess over as she opened the service door for him.

“I was just calling…” she started, giving up as he ran in to find you. “She’s nesting,” she told Anita, “In front of the oven,” she pulled Ellie in for a hug, shutting the door behind her.

You were on all fours in front of the oven, watching the croissants rise, breathing in through your nose, releasing through your mouth, sweating profusely. Frank sat next to you, breathing with you.

Joel squatted next to you, choosing his words carefully.

“Baby, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be in bed, resting.”

“I’m fine, I just wanted to make sure the croissants are oohhh!!!” your body stiffened, and your breathing quickened, sweat pooling on your forehead.

Joel froze.

“Erm, sweetie, I think your wife’s in labour,” Anita said, immediately getting behind you to rub your back.

“What? She’s not due for another week!”

“Babies do come early, sweetie. Lily, honey, when did your contractions start?”

You calmed down a little, “Yesterday morning,” you told her.

Joel fell on his ass. “Why didn’t you tell me? You seemed fine… I thought…”

“It wasn’t that strong… I thought it was just those Braxton thingies. I’m fine. Ooooh!!!”

“Okay, sweetie, that’s far too close for comfort. Hospital, now!” Frank said, helping you up.

“No, the croissants…”

“The croissants will be fine. Come on, now,” Tess chimed in, helping Frank get you up.

“But Ellie’s first day of school…”

“She’ll be fine, honey, that’s what I’m here for,” Anita said, helping you walk out to Joel’s truck.

Ellie came to hug you, trying hard not to let you see her worries. She was so scared for you, but excited to meet her little brother or sister.

“I’m so sorry I can’t send you to school today, Bellie,” you told her, hugging her tight. “Anita, my bag, in my trunk.”

“I’ve got it,” Frank said, shutting your trunk, your bag and pillow in his hands. He placed them in the passenger seat of Joel’s truck.

“I love you Beans, you can do this, okay? Love you so much,” Ellie said, not letting you go.

“I’ll take her to the hospital after school. I’ll go over after she’s settled. Take some of Joel’s stuff with me,” Anita told you, gently peeling Ellie off you, giving you a hug as well, telling you she will see you soon. Tess and Frank did the same, giving you kisses. They’ll take turns visiting later, they told you. They’ll call everyone.

Okay, you nodded, as Frank helped buckle you in and closed the door for you. Okay, you’re all set.

Except, the driver, your husband, your rock, was not there.

They found him still sitting, frozen in place in front of the oven, a panicked look on his face. It took a few minutes of coaxing from Anita to get him to calm down and finally snapping back into reality before running out to you, helping you breathe through another contraction. He hugged you, kissed you, apologizing for panicking, before putting the gear in reverse and taking you to the hospital.

**********

It had been quite a ride. During those first few weeks after he left Jen, Joel often found himself wishing that the 15 years he was with Jen didn’t happen. They brought him to where he was then, a broken, defeated man at 30, single for the first time in his adult life, not knowing where life would take him, wondering if he would ever be happy again.

But right now, as he watched his brand new BabyGirl feed, he knew everything that had happened, happened for a reason. Never in his life did he ever think he could be this happy. No amount of service, kisses, hugs, money, even love, could ever repay his debt to you for how happy he was at this very moment.

Things were surprisingly calm after the divorces were finalized.

The bakery was doing well. Business picked up, and you ended up hiring two more staff to help with the demand.

Joel proposed to you after only six months. The two of you married at City Hall, with only the usual suspects in attendance. Benny even made a surprise appearance. Your reception was a potluck barbeque in your now gorgeous backyard. Joel rented a small cabin in the mountains for your honeymoon. There was no extravagance, no over the top ceremonies. Just the people you loved, celebrating the two of you.

Your house was now devoid of the ugly carpeting you hated. And Joel stripped and repainted the kitchen cabinetry to make your kitchen look brand new again.

It’s home.

Lucy transferred to another district, embarrassed at the way she had been acting throughout that year, opting to start anew in a brand new place.

Max accepted a job overseas, selling his house, and in a surprising move, gave you half of the profits, his way of apologizing for treating you so badly over the years. He actually shook Joel’s hand, congratulating the two of you on your marriage, wishing both of you well. He texted you a congratulations when he found out the two of you were expecting.

Jen left the city soon after the divorce. Last you heard she was somewhere in Europe, living as one of those van-lifers. She had a travel blog, apparently, not that you or Joel ever saw the blog. She had never contacted you or Joel again.

A soft knock came from the door. Anita came in, a nervous Ellie following behind. Her little face lit up as she saw your new daughter. Joel lifted her up and hugged her tightly, asking her if she was ready to meet her sister. She nodded excitedly. Joel placed her next to you in bed, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. You placed your now sleeping daughter in her waiting arms, and Ellie carefully held the tiny little girl, hand supporting her neck and head, just as she had practiced at home.

“Hi Sarah,” she said to the sleeping tot. “I’m your big sister, Ellie.”

She gave her sister gentle kisses, and little Sarah opened her eyes slightly to look at her big sister, before closing them again, sleeping contentedly in her arms.

“Look over here, everyone,” Anita said softly, “Smile!” and snapped the first official picture of the new Millers.

Joel kissed you on your forehead, his arm stretching protectively around his ladies. He knew right there and then that he would suffer through those 15 years over and over again if he had to, knowing that it would bring him here, to his very own little piece of heaven.

THE END

[zonezyo]

glinda and fiyero, both being for all intents and purposes on the same footing socially, are two sides of the same coin on what happens to those who come from privilege if they choose to forsake their standing in the face of adversity. they come from the same place, they have essentially the same thing to lose, but they end UP losing insanely different thing based on the way they choose to live their lives. however, glinda and fiyero have the same thing to lose, but they do NOT have the same thing to gain.*

fiyero is of course actually very smart, no matter how carefree he plays himself, but before elphaba, before the catalyst, he WAS truly content with dancing through life-- he probably would have skated through on his looks and his charm, living a blessed but ultimately unfulfilling, unhappy life, with no real direction. but when given a cause he wakes up and begins to actually want. he wants change, wants elphaba, wants something different than what he's had. though it comes at obvious sacrifice for him, it is natural for him to follow elphaba. there is no personal risk of straying off his path because there is no real path ahead of him anyway. yes, he's captain of the guard, he's engaged to glinda-- but his heart is not truly with them. he has already mentally strayed towards elphaba.

glinda, though, is not like fiyero. she can play herself as charming as she wants to match him and everyone that expects anything from her, but she's at shiz to learn sorcery-- from the moment she's introduced we know that she's dead set on that goal. she WANTS something. she, like elphaba, marvels at the emerald city, imagining her life there one day. so when faced with this fatal decision between choosing what might be good but what is risky, she panics-- it's right there in the lyric!! to grovel in submission to feed her own ambition!! though part of it is certainly her backing into what is safe, she can't let go of her own dream for what would effectively kill every future she ever dreamed of. glinda is WILLING to forfeit her SOCIAL status for elphaba-- it's just that she's smart enough to understand that this is not simply forfeiting social status. this is forfeiting any and all power she ever could have, gain, or use to her/elphaba's advantage.

however: glinda's choice may seem entirely based in self preservation but she's also just as much trying to preserve elphaba's, maybe not safety, but status, because that's what she thinks of as safety. though it's unfair, glinda is right-- maybe not in this instance, but at least in the broad strokes of the song. elphaba HAS hurt her cause forever, she IS having delusions of grandeur, and this is going to make it that much harder for elphaba to ever truly make change regarding animals in oz because as a villain all she can do is drive people away (though ofc this doesn't mean she shouldn't have done what she did). glinda is desperately bargaining-- she knows elphaba cares about the animals, but she doesn't truly understand why, so there is nothing she could have said or done to level with elphaba. glinda ultimately still thinks that change is manageable under the people responsible for cruelty. she's misguided, unaware of the weight of what's happening. it's why she calls it ELPHABA'S cause, not the animals' cause, because she's not really concerned with the greater good at the moment, she's focused on saving her and her best friend. she's smart enough to understand power play, but not aware enough to understand what all that power means, really, at least not in the moment of act 1.

we can speculate what the "good" choice would have been for glinda but the real truth of the show is that the choice she made was the only one she was ever going to, though it might not be just or right or the one she should have.

[thelilylav]

We only see each other at funerals

(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)

The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art

[quietwingsinthesky]

obsessed with the idea of the doctor and the master standing together in opposition to gallifrey post-end of time. less in it being the reality of the situation, and more in it being what the master perceives it to be in the immediate aftermath of being. well. told he was going to be disposed of. the combination of that rejection with the doctor choosing him, the way that sets them up with a common enemy. but where that enemy for the master becomes gallifrey in the abstract with the council as the face of it, the doctor never sees it that way, never thinks of it as the two of them against their own world. the doctor, crucially, kept count of the children. when he saves gallifrey, it isn’t about the master at all, not to anyone but the master themself. because how are they supposed to take the doctor choosing gallifrey over them as anything other than a betrayal.

[helpimstuckinafandom]

JUSTICE FOR DAVINA CLAIRE I'M SO FUCKING SERIOUS FUCK OFF OH MY FUCKING GOD

[longagoitwastuesday]

Found Gojo/Ijichi art. All is good in the world

[borderlineclown]

i so badly want to check her accounts bc i want to see how miserable she is but i know that isn't the reality

she moved on less than two months after the break up. less than two weeks after she was STILL begging me to get back together. all i would probably find is her content in her new relationship

[foldingfittedsheets]

I was talking to my coworker today about my deep belief that more media should be finite. Some of the most disappointing endings in TV happen because there wasn’t an end goal that the plot was working toward all along. Ironically this came up because I was lamenting Arcane only being two seasons, a decision I admire, respect, and mourn.

I was juxtaposing How I Met Your Mother with The Office. The whole conceit of HIMYM is that the story is supposed to be leading toward this woman who haunts the narrative with her absence but because they set out with no end goal the finale is ultimately so unsatisfying. Nine seasons of build up for someone who could never have lived up to the hype because she wasn’t chosen beforehand or included early on.

Contrasted the The Office which was nine seasons that only ever claimed to be about the daily lives of office workers. Things get a bit looney tunes at times but ultimately the finale feels correct because there wasn’t some stated goal they’d been working toward narratively all along.

I then stated that the best and most elegant storytelling for TV was on The Good Place, in which every episode furthered the understanding of moral philosophy, advanced the plot, and was funny. It set out with a clear story and wrapped up exactly where it intended in one of the most satisfying conclusions ever that makes me cry every time.

My coworker then said, “What’s The Good Place?”

I froze. I frantically ran back everything I’d said thus far for spoilers and concluded that I had not ruined the plot. “You haven’t seen it?”

“No, it’s pretty good?”

“It’s. Really good.”

He mused about watching it with his partner or alone. I know he doesn’t like to rewatch media but I still suggested, “Watch it alone first, and then rewatch it with her. Trust me. The twist at the end of the first season will recontextualize everything and you’ll get to watch her reaction.”

I hope I get to hear him talk about it when I work with him next. I’m excited.

[g4rvez-r3id]

When You’re Lost in the Darkness, Look for the Light

Ex! Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU Reader

Synopsis: Your ex, Spencer Reid, has just lost his girlfriend due to her being murdered. When all else fails with the BAU team helping him get through this loss, the only person left to help is you.

Category: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: established past relationship, maeve arc, takes place after 8x12 “Zugzwang”, mentions of death and suicide, technically an AU for 8x13 “Magnum Opus”, spencer is obviously still mourning maeve, mentions of lauren storyline, mentions of breakups, reader was in a past relationship before spencer, kinda sad, hopeful ending(?) let me know if i missed anything! <3

Author’s Note: i feel like this was a bit rushed, especially towards the end butttt i might make a part two to this- just let me know if i should :)

It’d been a few weeks since what happened. Spencer witnessing his girlfriend being murdered right in front of him by her stalker. You knew that he was taking it hard, of course, who wouldn’t after seeing something like that?

The team had been frequently visiting him. Garcia had stopped by with her ninth gift basket on his doorstep, since he never answered. JJ had offered to bring the boys over to cheer him up but Spencer would never answer. Even Hotch, and Morgan tried to get him to get a breather outside of his apartment but of course, Spencer never answered. Blake and Rossi knew that he needed his space, knowing that a loss like this wasn’t easy.

Everyone on the team had tried, everyone except you. And honestly, why would you? Your breakup with Reid was enough reason not to go and see him.

You two had broken up when he’d found out you’d known about Emily taking her death. (You weren’t even supposed to know about it, you had just stumbled across Hotch and JJ having the conversation after you’d found out that your best friend was dead.) After she’d come back when they had a lead on Ian Doyle’s son, Spencer had later confronted you and told you he couldn’t forgive you for knowing for ten months and not telling him about it.

You expressed just how much it pained you not to tell him but that she couldn’t risk telling him. He had to understand that. Frankly, he didn’t.

And it seemed that he still hadn’t forgiven you since then.

It’d been over a year since you last had a full conversation with him since then, only opting for small talk or only talking when it was relevant to whatever case they were on.

And then you found out about Maeve. There were whispers around the office, Spencer was smiling more in the office, he was secretive and not to mention the case with the payphone that you and Blake took him to after needing answers regarding a case. You and Blake badgered him, wanting answers as to why he was being so secretive.

And then his words confirmed it for you — “Because I don’t want them to know about her, okay?”

And so, he had a girlfriend. And you were perfectly okay with that. Of course, it hurt that he’d moved on but someone had to, eventually, right?

Since then, you had avoided him any chance you had. If you two were alone in the kitchenette, you were the one who left first. If there was a spot on the jet open next to Spencer, you’d offer it to someone else quietly. You figured pushing him away — even professionally — was the best thing you could do for your own mental health.

But then Spencer’s girlfriend had gone missing. And you weren’t exactly forced to work a case but it sure felt like it when Hotch said that you guys would be working on your free time. You had half the mind to walk out of the bullpen right then and there. But then you looked at Spencer. Spencer, who looked like a kicked puppy dog with his sad eyes, messy hair and anxious stance and pleading, begging the team to help find her. And you knew that he’d always be your weakness, no matter what. And you’d like to think that maybe he’d do the same for you if the roles were reversed.

It’d taken a few to discover that Maeve’s stalker was Diane Turner, a research assistant at Mendel University where Maeve used to work. Diane applied and was rejected for a PhD after submitting a doctoral thesis about spontaneous cellular death in suicide patients, due to said thesis being biased as it contained references to her own parents, who’d committed suicide. She targeted Maeve, believing she was the one responsible for rejecting her PhD.

You remembered the minute you heard gunshots in the building, heart dropping at the possibility that it may have been Spencer who was shot at, since he offered to trade himself for Maeve. And thought it was better if the team were to wait outside of the building.

You remembered trying to talk him off the ledge but he simply ignored you and went into the building anyway without a vest.

You remembered Spencer trying to talk Diane down as she held a gun to Maeve’s head and growing anxious at the fact that Diane was getting more and more angry.

You remembered what Maeve spoke to him — her last words — “Thomas Merton, he’s the one you can never take away from us.” The proof of how much she loved him.

You remembered Diane pulling the trigger on herself and Maeve and Spencer’s painful pleading as both Diane and Maeve landed on the ground in a puddle of their own blood.

And you hated it but you remembered Spencer falling to his knees, sobbing over Maeve’s body. You could hardly believe it, even when it happened right in front of you. You’d fallen beside him, hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him the best way possible. And he grabbed your hand. Granted, he probably didn’t know or didn’t care enough to know who it was in that moment, but he took your hand anyways.

And since then, not a word from Spencer. And it was starting to worry the rest of the team.

But when you arrived in the office a few weeks after, staring at Spencer’s empty desk, JJ had spoken up and said — “Everyone else has tried but you. And I think you’re the person he needs right now.”

You’d responded, telling her that you’re probably the last person he wants to see right now in his time of mourning. But JJ had encouraged you. You’d known him in ways the team didn’t. Hell, you dated him. And you also knew what it was like to lose someone you loved.

A few years before you dated Spencer, you had had a boyfriend. You were dating him for three years until he lost his life in a car accident. You were heartbroken from the lost and you didn’t go to work for over a month after. The only person that gotten you through that had been Spencer. He always had a way with words and you remembered him being there for you the entire time you dealt with it. A couple of years later, you and him finally began to date.

And now here you were, standing outside of his apartment, wondering how the hell you got yourself in this mess. You’d told Hotch that you needed to take care of something and that you wouldn’t be joining them on this upcoming case. It was true and it wasn’t like you to just call out of work unless it was an emergency. It technically wasn’t a lie, Spencer was your emergency. And you knew that Hotch would understand.

You’d hesitantly knocked, so quietly. “Spencer? It’s me,” You’d spoken up, your voice hoarse. “I, uh, I know I’m the last person you probably want to talk to right now… but… I’m here. If you need anything, I’m right here.” You assured.

To make your point, you moved two of the gift baskets away from the door so you can plop right down on the floor to sit against the door. “And I’m not going anywhere.” You rested the back of your head against the door. “And we don’t have to talk. We can wait however long you need to. I’ll be here.”

“But, please, give me something so I know that you’re alive in there.” You asked and quietly pleaded, “Please.”

You’d waited thirty seconds before you lost hope entirely and then three soft knocks came from the other side of the door and you smiled to yourself in relief that at least he was conscious.

And soon the minutes turned into hours, with you resting your head against that door and shifting a couple of times to get comfortable. Spencer still hadn’t budged since he’d knocked on the door. You’d taken the opportunity to help yourself to one of Garcia’s gift baskets since Reid hadn’t seemed to claim them. You’d opted for one of the fresher baskets since the others had probably been sitting for about a few weeks now. There was a basket with the mini chocolate chip muffins that you snacked on while sitting there.

And after hours and hours of still waiting there with no peep from Spencer, your eyes began to flutter closed at how sleepy you were getting. Sleeping outside of Spencer’s apartment wasn’t the best place for your back or your neck but you had slept in worse places.

You’d probably succumbed to sleep at least a few hours later until you had a rude awakening involving Spencer finally opening his door.

You hit your head right on the floor, which had woke you up. “Ow.” You muttered and looked up, seeing Spencer’s ghostly figure standing above you. You could’ve sworn you were dreaming. “Spencer?”

“You’re still here?” He asked, confusion in his voice. You finally stood up from the floor and nodded at him to answer as he began to walk away from the door and went back to the couch.

It was then that you got a look at his apartment. There were books on the floor everywhere. If you knew better, you’d say Spencer may have thrown them out of anger, pain. Old takeout boxes on the kitchen counter and living room table. It smelt like death — (but it actually might’ve been Spencer). You had to squint to look around since it’d been so dark. “Oh, Spencer…” You mumbled and turned to him on the couch. He was in a fetal position on the cushions, his hair falling in front of his face with an evident frown engraved on his face. He looked like a fragile child and it ached your heart to see him like that.

You found yourself kneeling in front of him and brushed the hair away from his face — like it was second nature to you. Like you’ve done it before. And you have.

You looked around, wondering what you should do, what you can do. And you finally find something small to start with. “When was the last time you slept in your own bed?” You asked and Spencer didn’t answer. You expected that.

You stood up from kneeling in front of Spencer and walked to his room, grabbing a few clothes — a plain t-shirt, a pair of underwear, plaid pajama pants and a pair of mismatched socks. You then went into the hall closet to pull out a towel and a washcloth for him and walked towards the bathroom to start running the water. He always liked it not too hot or not too cold but just warm enough.

You walked into the living room and found Spencer sitting up on the couch. “Why don’t you hop in the shower? I’ve got it running the way you like it.” It took a few seconds but Spencer nodded at you and began to trudge to the bathroom. He’d left the door a crack and you wondered why he did. But then it occurred to you that maybe he didn’t want to feel quite alone for a minute and you were right there if he needed anything. And he knew you had a guilty conscience, knowing that if he had closed the door and he’d done something to himself, you’d never forgive yourself. And you wouldn’t want him trapping himself in the bathroom either.

As Spencer went into the shower, you’d taken care of the rest of the apartment. You started with opening the blinds to bring some sort of light in and then with the kitchen counter, clearing out all of the old takeout boxes and washing dishes and wiping down the table and putting the books back on the shelves. All except for one. The Narrative of John Smith, it’d been the one book that he was clutching onto the entire time she’d been here until you told him to get into the shower. You knew he needed to put that one away on his own terms.

You fixed the couch up, laying the throw blanket neatly over the couch and then walked to his room, setting up his own bed. Wanting for him to be as comfortable as possible.

When he finally exited the bathroom, you didn’t hear him. You hadn’t heard his footsteps as he looked around the living room, seeing how you tidied up the place while he was in the shower. He almost thought you left, until he heard your humming from the other room. You were singing to yourself, a habit you picked up often doing casual things like laundry or spring cleaning. He missed the nonchalance of your presence and as he walked towards the door and found you making his bed, he missed it even more. Missed you even more.

You finally noticed that you weren’t alone, looking up to see him in the doorway and you smiled towards him. “Oh, hi.” You said and he walked into the room, looking down at his newly made bed. “Are you feeling better?”

He didn’t answer verbally, just shrugged.

You didn’t know what to say to that. Instead, you look down at his perfectly made bed and say, “Why don’t you get some rest?”

Spencer nods at you weakly and gets under the covers. You almost want to tuck him in, like he’s a child, but you refrain from doing so. You look down at him and felt like you’ve done everything you could for him. Made sure he showered, tidied his apartment. Surely he’s sick of you being here now.

You ease the awkward tension, sucking in a breath and patting your knees. “Well… I’m just… gonna… see myself out. Get all of the rest you can, Spencer. No rush to come back, just take your time.” You assure finally and silently plead him to ask you to stay longer. Because you don’t exactly feel accomplished at the fact that you haven’t done anything except ask him to take a shower and clean his apartment. It didn’t really feel like a win. Instead, you felt more heartbroken for Spencer.

And somehow, by some miracle, you felt him grab your hand and you turned to face him and his gleaming eyes. “Can you…” The words trailed off from his lips as he stares into your eyes. “Can you stay?” You look at him, with wide eyes. It was like he read your mind. “Please?”

You look at him and try to maintain your composure as much as you can. Because this is the first time he’s asked you to stay the night since you two were together. “Yeah, of course, Spencer.”

He moves towards the other side of the bed to make room for you and you’re shocked by the gesture. You hadn’t shared a bed with him since you were together, either. You sit up against the headboard and he gravitates towards your thigh, resting his head on it and closes his eyes and your hand finds his hair, running a hand through it and trying to maintain his curls at the back of his neck.

Then, you remember. You look towards the drawer next to the bed on your side and wonder. You open the drawer and sure enough, there it was. The brown comb you left behind. You often used it to brush his hair, especially when it was shaggy down his shoulders and he’d often rest his head on your thigh like he was doing now and you’d run your hand through his locks until you’d finally bought a comb. It surprised you that he still kept it. You would’ve thought it ended up in his ‘Y/n box’ like how everything of his ended up in your ‘Spencer box’.

And like second nature, you began to brush his damp locks with the comb, trying your best to angle your arm to not interrupt his rest. You softly smiled at the scene, his eyes closed and nose scrunching every few minutes or so.

You’d suspected that maybe he’d fallen asleep to you combing his hair because his breathing evened and he was quiet with his eyes still remaining closed. But you still found yourself still combing through his hair despite getting the tangles all out.

“I miss her,” He admitted and for a moment, you stopped your movements, not only because his words shocked you but also because you thought he was asleep. “I miss Maeve.” He added and you notice as his lip quivers at his own mention of his dead girlfriend and you do everything in your power to keep your lip from doing the same.

“I know.” You say, your voice so soft and nurturing as you continued to comb through his hair.

Spencer doesn’t say anything else but you were glad he’d spoken out just what he was feeling in that moment. You lean against the headboard, wishing to say more but what Spencer really needed right now was someone in his corner, not someone who wanted to give their own opinion about the situation or relate to him — just someone to listen to him.

You continue brushing until you finally decide that his hair is silky smooth and place the comb on the table next to you and look down at his resting face and instead of the frown you’d seen earlier, you finally see some sort of look of peace. Of course, the sadness is still etched on him from a mile away. But you glad to grant him some form of peace in a time where he’s most desperate of it.

You begin to run your hand through his hair, massaging his scalp like you often used to do when you were together. And for a moment, it’s like you two are dating again and it’s like it’s casual, like you’ve done this before — which you have. But it’s been so long, you never thought you’d be in this position again.

Eventually, he falls asleep on your thigh and his soft breathing is more even than it was before and his mouth is slightly parted as he sleeps. And you don’t care about the crick you’re going to get in your neck from this headboard, you don’t care that your leg is dead and that your pant leg is slightly damp from his wet hair. What matters more than anything right now is him getting the rest he deserves.

And what mattered more than anything and your goal was that Spencer was going to fight through this gaping hole of darkness and find his light eventually. And somewhere deep down inside of you, though you’d never admit it out loud — you hoped that that light was you.

[afterglowsainz]

body paint | alex albon

pairing: norris!reader x alex albon

summary: after alex breaks up with his girlfriend, you’re right there to help him forget about her

fc: kensington tillo

warnings: one suggestive comment, some self-deprecation? (very light stuff), harsh lando (in all brotherly fashion)

a/n: i feel like i’ve read all the alex fics on this app i need more of him :(

—

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f1gossip williams driver alex albon has officially broken up with his girlfriend of five years

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username say sike right now

username NOOOOOO

username why on earth am i mourning a relationship that isn’t mine

username so love is officially dead okay cool to know

username f1gossip you can’t just drop this bomb on me and LEAVE

username i refuse to accept this information

username they were the standard 😭

username the day i died actually

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ynnorris we had fun 🪩💋🍸

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username my daily inspo just posted!

username so pretty 🎀

username the cool sibling fr

ynnorris landonorris ‼️

landonorris mean

kendalljenner always have fun when you’re around 😚 (liked by ynnorris)

username i’m so glad y/n decided to attend the grand prix’s out of nowhere

username honestlyyyy why were we robbed of her existence for this long

liked by francolapinto, ynnorris and others

alex_albon had fun at the night race and getting good points for the team🌛

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username MY GOAT

username this man is so beautiful my god

francolapinto 👊🏽

username how is he still carrying that tractor into the points is beyond me

username incredible

ynnorris congrats alex!

alex_albon thank you☺️

username okay 👀 i don’t hate that

ynnorris’s instagram stories

[caption 1: 💋] [caption 2: for some reason i always end up here]

alex_albon’s instagram stories

[caption 1: recharging 🔋] [caption 2: 🌊]

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ynnorris la isla bonita

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username first alex’s story now THIS?

username talk about soft/hard launching

username nah i recognize my boy alex in that pic

username the real question is how did he bag THE y/n norris?

username that’s crazyyyy

username okay but can we talk about how absolutely gorgeous she is? 😍

alexandrasaintmleux truly mesmerized

ynnorris me when i look at you

username absolute baddie

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f1gossip a fan met alex albon and lando norris’s sister, y/n norris, today at the airport while they were traveling together

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username all the confirmation i needed

username damn it really only took him six months to find someone else

username lando’s sister, nonetheless

username he said i’m fucking FREE

username no you don’t understand this is my superbowl

username how the hell did those two got together 😭

username most out of pocket couple but they work somehow?

username this is the day i was reborn

ynnorris’s instagram stories

[caption 1: chill weekend🧖🏼‍♀️🧼] [caption 2: 💌]

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alex_albon good few days 😎

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username OMGOMGOMGOMG

username unhinged

carmenmmundt can alex fight?

alex_albon 🤺🤺🤺

ynnorris no need carmen i chose you!

georgerussell63 😡

username the way y/n had only attended like three grand prix’s before alex bagged her 😭

username he really didn’t waste any time

username all he had was a broken heart and faith in the universe

username my roman empire

pietra.pilao cuties 🥰

landonorris don’t encourage this 😡

pietra.pilao leave them alone 🙄

username my girlfriend (and alex’s)

ynnorris so much for taking things slow

alex_albon 😊

[griddleharker]

Mel's trauma/experiences in season 2 are easily overlooked/forgotten due to how fast paced the season is, to how she handles herself and due to misogyny.

I wish I could say it's easy to forget how difficult what she went through was, but it really is not. The intro itself makes it very clear.

She survived an explosion, got attacked, was abducted, saw her friend die right before her eyes, thrown into a pit, made to believe a family member she mourned was alive, had to 'kill' the thing wearing the skin of her brother, learned shocking informations about her mother and was lead to two conflicting thoughts about her: 1, she is a child of a love affair, a product of love, her mother loves her too much and it is why she was cast away, 2 she is a weapon, everything down to her conception was calculated, it was never love but a thirst for power.

She breaks free of imprisonment, awakens as a mage due to almost dying and immediately gets a proposition from someone of a higher power/knowledge. She has no more means of defense, and she has to throw her lot with the person who killed her brother and who's chasing after her mother. I am not saying she was never swayed by Leblanc's words nor that she didn't believe her, but it was coercion rather than agreement.

She was gone for MONTHS, just like Jayce. She lived through hell for these few months and came to a terrible conclusion, just like Jayce. She's finally back to Piltover, and she goes to see him first, before anything else. She worries about him, she's happy to see him. She seeks comfort within him, just like he did with her several times through both seasons. He refuses her this comfort, instead attacks her and demands her to answer for a crime that is indirectly hers. She protects him anyway when it was needed.

He apologizes to her and, arguably, breaks up with her then. She goes to see her mother afterward, ready to leave it all behind and betray her new found 'family' as Leblanc said if her mother simply agreed to. If her mother simply chose her this time. But she doesn't. She needs more than Mel. What she needs goes against everything Mel stands for. She walks away.

She then helps to fight her mother, and is the direct cause for her death. Her mother finally sees her in her last moments, she finally has no choice but to look at her daughter, who's no longer a helpless little girl but a strong, powerful and insightful woman. She still forces her into the mold she made for her, a wolf. It's a compliment really. But is it really one for Mel? Her mother dies in her arms. They never could fix their relationship. Her mother committed so many unspeakable deeds, yet she still loves her, yet she still mourns her.

She has to take over her now. She can't openly mourn her, nor show her grief. And she has no one close to her she can be vulnerable with left. She is more alone at the end of season 2 than ever and has to take on more responsibilities than she deems herself worthy of. She said that she's not up to the Medarda's name, and is shown so often to feel insecure because of it. But now she has to be up to it and she doesn't get a choice.

Through reaching the 'Medarda's standards', she lost everything else. And she didn't get a choice.

[trulyumai]

Blinded by the Flame

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler x Reader

Warnings: Blood, Death.

Synopsis: Left bloodied and blinded, Messmer searched. Not for revenge, but for his wife.

A/N: So, this fucking sunflower boss is kicking my ass. Im cooked.

Enjoy the story!

“Ah! Mother, please!” In the middle of the room, sat the legend of the flames. 

He balled up in agony, his fingers covered his face— his eyes entirely. 

Blood seeped between the crevices of his digits, his eyes burned with an itch, a feeling he wanted to tear out.

“For how could I— your spawn, be subjected to such a monstrosity of an ending?” The man cried out, his deep wails echoed throughout the chambers around his being. 

Messmer mumbled incessantly, begging and twitching as his vision blackened. 

He had to gain control— before the chaotic numb feeling goes too far, before his mind slips away completely. 

Think of the throne 

Think of the order 

Think of… 

“Wife,” 

He called out, saliva dripped down in a reddened  pace between his lips. 

Messmer reached out to nothing, to the blackness that surrounded him. 

“Wife!” He wailed

“Don’t— don’t leave me alone!” 

The lanky man keeled over, his hands beat against the wooden floor with fury. 

“A-Answer me! Your husband— your Lord demands it!” 

With a slurred speech, he crawled, began to move toward where he thought the door might be. 

His hand met with a stone wall, it stood firm against his blood covered palms. 

He couldn’t think- couldn’t remember the size of the room, the chamber at all for that matter. 

The  pain was piercing his mind, it left fire in its wake. 

“Augh—“ 

The knight continued his mission, persisted onto finding the exit, the way to his home- his love. 

Knees now scratched and molded over with scabs, he stopped his movement, as something cold came into contact with his dirtied palm.

Shakily a pale arm reached down once more and with his posture bent, he leered over the object. 

It was fleshy, wet with a warming substance and–

“No,” 

Firm hands acted, looked for proof that could refuse the perverse thoughts invading his mind. 

“No, no, no!” 

Shaky fingers guided their way to a hand, it was soft, so small that he could cover it whole with his own. 

He came into contact with a cold metal, a band that had been wrapped around the person's finger. 

His darling wife’s finger. 

“—Ah! No, this— this is a warning- a vision, it's a farce!” 

Not bothering to stop the blood from pouring down his chin, it fell atop of the bloodied woman. 

Her eyes remained closed, the middle of her person laid into a deep maroon color. 

As best as the weakened knight could, the woman was pulled towards him. She rested upon his lap like a deity. 

Her head was angled towards him, it sagged into the man’s chest instantly. 

He smelled the apples— the Elder flowers that clung onto her stilled skin.

There was no denying, it was his love that lay crumpled in his arms like a wilted lily. 

Only his cries were heard through the chamber, bouncing off the walls with ease as his wails got louder and louder. 

The cries were wet, uneven hiccups accompanied the tears. 

As if nature mourned her loss; thunder boomed, rain seeped down to drench the land and the wind howled beneath the winking stars. 

The man’s shoulders shook, he howled— it was too much, too far beneath the golden rays he was promised. 

Burying his head into her neck the man refused to move. 

His kin could walk through the gates now— with a cure for his blindness yet he would say put. 

For his protective reign is over. 

Now that his purpose lay still and quiet. 

His grip tightened, wide knuckles turned white with pressure. 

“Thy will bury it all in flame,” 

His voice but a whisper among the pelting rain. 

“I will offer it all; and join thee with the heads of the filthy accusers, who dare put thy to rest.” 

Biting down on his cheeks, more crimson seeped down with unwanted reign. 

“Rest, my wife,” his forehead met with hers, the surface sticky and wet. 

“My love will hold me here—“

“—nnnghh,” 

Thin red brows raised, with his mouth agape he let out a noise like no other. 

“Darling, love, please!” He didn’t know what he was begging for, but it came out in unseen repetition

Her mind was foggy, vision even more so as her arm raised above her being. 

It felt as if daggers pierced through her chest, and needles laid about her arms like unseen birthmarks. 

“–mer, Messm—“ 

“I’m here! Gods, I’m— lovely, hear thy cries, please!” 

The voice sounded like it was under rubble, or even perhaps miles of sand and dirt. 

She felt the light touches, how they guided their way on her cheeks, her jaw. 

It was a loving, soft touch made by roughened hands. 

Familiar hands. 

Tears struck her bloodied cheeks, a sloppy smile graced her expression. 

He hadn’t left her afterall— after the fall, the oncoming of soldiers, he was here, by her side. 

Grunting out a low groan, words fled her cut lips in a rush. 

The woman’s words slurred together, and the man tried to make sense of them.

“Slow down, my wife, slow—“

“Es, mess, yo— your eyes!”

On queue, the blackened holes throbbed. Dark pits of ash wobbled down the crevices and met the material of his armor. 

“Shhh, Darling, it will be alright, it will be alright.” 

Her lips shook with a new level of fear, of total shock. 

“I will take care of it— mother will help. I— it will be alright.” 

“She is the cause of such damnation, how will she help?” Taking her hand in his larger one, Messmer placed kisses upon each finger.

The woman gaped up at him. 

“Why are you so calm, aren’t you angry— hurt?”  

“I… was,” He replied. Still distracted by the kisses he laid upon her skin. 

“But thy are here to calm such a flame, hm?” 

The red knight pushed his woman closer, till the cheek of her face mushed against his dirtied armor.

“Let us get fixed, then such a discussion can be demanded.” 

Ignoring the woman's constant worried touches, a smile adorned his face. 

He wasn't alone, his wife lay huddled between his arms. The unspoken horror lay hushed beneath his heel, stomped and winded. 

Although he was blinded, left to die on his own, he could continue his push to the capital.

For the prophecy has already been foretold. 

The kingdom will be left in ash; with only his wife and him to huddle in the flames of ambition. 

[nena-la-fresa]

All Night Long | Good Ending |

18+ Account | Minors DNI | Do NOT Follow, Like, or Comment | Pls have your age in your bio, if you do not I will automatically block you because I’ll assume you are a minor.

All Night Long | Neutral Ending | /// All Night Long | Bad Ending |

Pairing: Josh Washington x f! Reader

Warning: Flirting | Smut | Little bit of Voyeurism | P in V | Blowjob | Three way |

Word Count: 2551

Sometimes you still think about that night. You felt like Beth and Hannah were like sisters to you. You visited their house often for breakfast and dinner, so it really hurt what happened. You couldn’t even imagine how Josh felt. You still feel somewhat responsible, maybe if you hadn't been taking care of Josh that night things would have been different. 

They both knew you liked their brother. If anything they were the only ones who tried to get you together. They were the ones who set drunk Josh down on the same couch as you. You were so focused on playing with his hair and drawing lines on his face with your fingers. You even confused your feelings to him. You thought he heard you when he mumbled your name in his sleep. 

But then they went missing and Josh cut off you and everyone else. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt but what else could you do. He was mourning. 

You were a little surprised though at the invite you got. But still happy, you really hoped that he was doing somewhat better. 

When you got there it was like he was the same Josh, he didn’t look like he was mourning. He acted the same way. He still made his same flirtatious comments. He was still that boy next door kind of guy. 

He had noticed that you got cold, so he walked over with a blanket. You were about to take it when he opened it and wrapped you with the blanket. You looked up at him, a bit corny but looking into his eyes just made you feel like kissing him. 

And you feel like he noticed too, why else would he clear his throat and walk away. You felt a little disappointed. But you thought it was a good time to talk to him. You sat down next to him while he was crouching trying to light the fire. You weren’t alone so you just spoke softly so only he could hear.

“I’m really sorry for what happened Josh. I really loved Hannah and Beth. I still miss going over to your house on Sundays and eating breakfast with you guys. I really regret that day too, I should have been with Hannah that day. But I was so focused on taking care of you that I just didn’t- I didn’t think about what could happen.”

You looked up and saw him looking at you. “Thank you. I appreciate that Y/n.” 

You were about to say something when Chris interrupted, “What am I missing?” 

You rolled your eyes before looking at Chris who was crouched coming in between the two of you. 

“Everything, we just had full blown sex right now. How'd you miss it?” Josh turned slightly to look at Chris. 

“Oh shit no way. Was it hot?” Chris patted Josh on the back. 

“Oh yeah dude. It was, you couldn’t tell? Dude had me cumming three times in the span of a minute. That guys, a real sex god.” They both looked at you bewildered, not uttering a word. 

“Okay, guess I can’t joke around. I’ll leave you ladies to it. I’m going to sit on the couch where it's less awkward.” You got up and moved over to where Ashely was. 

Chris moved to where you had been sitting, “So uh, you and uh, you and her?” He nodded towards you. 

“What about me and her?” Josh continued to try and get the fire going. 

“You finally gonna ask her out?” Chris whispers, “Cuz if you don’t I might just have to. I mean have you seen that ass? Just thinking about it makes me wet. Picture it, her ass up in the air while you're pounding into her and it has her screaming your name.” 

Josh glares over at Chris. Chris laughs, “Just saying the same shit you did buddy. But seriously, I think you should finally go for it. She definitely wants you to.”

You slowly stopped talking when you heard Sam yell about there not being any hot water. Josh got up and was about to head to the basement. 

“Go.” Ashley whispered, but seeing that you didn’t get up she yelled. “Josh, do you need help? Cuz Y/n could definitely help you if you needed help.” 

Josh turned around, “Yeah I could use some help. It’s definitely a two man job.” 

“Alright well if you need me that bad I guess I’ll go.” 

You both stood at the entrance of the basement. “Oh fuck no. I’m not going down there.” 

You didn’t budge, “What you scared?” Josh smirked. 

“Yes actually. Haven’t you ever seen scary movies Josh. People die in basements. There are ghosts and shit down there, psycho’s who are waiting for people to have sex.” 

“You tryin to have sex?” He raised an eyebrow.. 

You glare at him, “Sure buddy. Let’s have sex all you want.” 

He pumps his fist, “Yes.” He sees that you still aren't moving. 

“Alright. Here.” He holds out his arm for you. 

“Come on. Just hold onto me.” You hesitated, “Trust me, if there was anything in there I’d protect you.” 

“Okay.” You wrapped your arm around his, pulling him close. He could feel your breast pressed up against his arm. 

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t get him a little hard. 

After watching Josh fix the boiler he asks for your help. “Alright turn that switch there.”

“Right here?” 

“Yeah.”

You turn the switch on and the boiler starts working. 

“Yes! High five girl!” 

“What are we kids?” You laugh but still give him a high five. 

“Nah cuz if we were kids you wouldn't have said what you did upstairs.” You could hear the flirtation in his voice. 

You could feel your face heat up. “Okay. Let’s just forget about it” You start to walk away but hear a loud sound that scared you. “What was that?” 

You backed up into Josh, the warmth that was radiating off of his chest had you melting. His hands landed on your hips keeping you close. You felt him lean down and talk in your ear. 

“That could be a lot of things. But what I’m focused on is the fact you called me a what was it again? A sex god?” 

You shifted a bit in his grasp, an exhale left his breath. “Don’t do that.” His voice barely above a whisper. 

You felt something boil up from inside you. Something about him whispering in your ear got to you. “Do what? Oh this?” You rubbed your ass against him. 

“Fuck.” Josh gripped your waist tighter. 

“What can’t flirt back.” You felt him start to rub himself against your ass. 

One of his hands shifted from your hip to your pants. He wasted no time slipping his hand down them. His cold hand against your slit was such a sensation. His fingers went past your folds and slipped inside. “Fuck.” You whispered. 

You were at a loss of words as he pumped his fingers in and out slowly. He used his other hand to move your hair out of the way so that he could suck on your neck. His hand going back to your hip to hold you in place. 

“What was that about flirting back?” He felt you tighten around his fingers. 

“Josh please.” 

“Please what?” 

“I need you.” He took his fingers out. Leaving you feeling empty. 

“Need me where.” He put his fingers in his mouth, “God you taste so good.” 

“In me. I need you in me please.” He got right to it. He took off your clothes and his. You could feel his hard dick against your ass. 

He pushed you against the way so that you could lean forward. His dick rubbing against your folds. You could feel his arousal. 

Your once empty hole felt full, the girth and length that this man had. He started out slow. But he picked up the pace. One hand on your hip and the other against your clit. 

“Your pussy feels so good.” He whispered to you. He stopped for a bit before putting you on all fours. Your face pressed against the blanket he gave you earlier. His hands on your waist, gripping them tight enough to leave a bruise. And the feeling of his dick reaching places you wouldn't have felt while being pushed up against the wall. 

Josh's pace starts to pick up. He starts hitting all the right places and it causes you to scream. 

Unbeknownst to you both but there was someone watching. Chris was getting ready to scare you both with the first sound but when you both didn’t go investigating he got closer. That was when he saw you two. He was watching as you were grinding on Josh, and the way Josh started fingering you. He felt himself get hard. He knows he shouldn't have. He had a crush on Ashley. But what he told Josh earlier wasn't that much of a lie. He did think you were hot, especially in high school. Even when Josh dropped out he’d still see you around campus, he always wanted to talk to you. Always wanted to have sex with you. He fantasized about it a lot. 

And now here he is. Watching behind a shelf, with his dick out stroking himself to the sight of his best friend fuck the girl he thought was hot. He could feel himself getting closer to cumming when something fell. 

You both looked up in the direction of the noise. Chris’s face was now visible to you both. “Uh. I heard someone scream.” 

Josh didn’t stop though, the room filled with the sound of skin hitting against one another.  If anything Christ standing and just watching made Josh thrust even harder, like he was trying to claim his dominance. Especially with what Chris was saying earlier. 

You’ve never thought of Chris in that way but being watched did something to you. “Josh” you moaned his name and felt yourself squeezing around his dick. 

“You just gonna stand there Cochise? Cuz it looks like our girl here is getting excited from being watched. I know you haven't gotten your dick sucked. Why don’t you let her get it wet. But don’t expect it again. It’s a one-time offer Cochise.” Josh watched as Chris hesitated. 

“Or you could go back upstairs and not get any from Ashley. Cuz I know you both wont put out.”

In a rush Chris keeps the robe on but gets down on his knees. You prop yourself up but grab his hard dick. You lick the tip before looking up at him and putting it in your mouth. 

“Fuck” Chris lens his head back and grabs a fist full of hair. 

“She’s good isn't she Cochise.” Josh kept ramming into you, saliva dripping down your chin from Chris, dick in your mouth. 

“She's better with her mouth around you. So why don’t I give you a turn and you give me a turn.” 

Anger built up in Josh, “Fuck no.” Josh grabbed your arms and pulled you back up. 

“I have an idea. I don’t think you’ll like it though.” You let Josh slip out of you. You turned around, your lips hovering over his lips. “But I really want to try it. And then after I’m all yours.” 

Josh nodded, you told Chris to lay down. You made Josh watch as you sank down on Chris’ dick. You bounced on it a few times before leaning back against Chris’ chest. 

“You just want me to watch you fuck another guy?”

“No. Just come here.” You wrapped your mouth against his dick and got it wet. You sucked on the tip before pulling back, “I want you to go in.” 

“I’m sorry what?” Chris showed hesitation. 

“Chris please. Come on, don't ever tell me that you two horn dogs never thought about a girl with two dicks in her.” 

Josh smirked at you, “Wow, you’re really taking that party like porn stars seriously.” 

“You said it yourself, ‘it’s a one-time offer.’” 

Josh wasted no time. He leaned you back against Chris. Chris held your waist with one hand and the other hand its way to your breast. You moaned feeling Josh spit on your pussy and his dick. He pushed his dick against your entrance, stretching it and pressing it against Chris’. 

“Fuck” You gasped at the feeling of being filled to the brim. 

Josh starts to thrust, your pussy dripping from arousal makes it easy for them both to move inside you. You could feel yourself coming closer. Your eyes started to water, you felt that tingling sensation on your nose. They could feel you tighten around them. 

Chris pulled out and began to jerk himself off. But Josh kept going even if you began to get overstimulated. He kept fucking you while you were still on top of Chris, he just slightly lifted you to not disturb Chris letting it lose. 

You could feel Josh getting closer. His thrust were erratic, his breathing was heavy. He kept whispering your name until he came inside of you. 

Josh leaned down and kissed you. 

You all stayed there for a moment to catch a breath. That was before Chris got up after cleaning himself. “So uh, we don’t tell Ashely or anyone right?” 

“Right.” You laughed as Josh helped you put on your clothes. 

“And it was a one time thing Chris.” Josh turned around after he finished buttoning his pants. 

“Right right. I get it.” 

You all ended up going back up stairs together. Ashley got up from the couch “What took you guys so long.” She paused before seeing Chris robe. “What in god's name are you wearing?” 

Chris did the Trinity on Ashley, “I found my true calling.” 

“Pretty ironic huh.” Josh whispered over to you, you stiffened a laugh before elbowing him lightly. 

“Please tell me you're going to take a vow of silence.” Ashley joked.

“He better.” Josh spoke a little louder, confusing Ashley a bit. 

After you nudged Josh again he turned to you. “And you. What am I going to do with you?” 

You smirked at him, “With me? I did nothing.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I guess we just gotta go for round two huh.” Josh grabbed your wrist lightly trying to lead you. 

“Oh you mean round two with you know who?” You could see that he got irritated for a second. 

“Yeah sure okay.” Josh leaned down before holding your legs and throwing you over his shoulder. 

“Where are you two going?” Ashley laughed at the two of you. 

Josh started to walk up the stairs, “I gotta talk with her about some stuff. You two have fun down here.”

“Damn that basement really did something for them huh.” She laughed and looked at Chris. Who weirdly looked irritated. 

“Chris?” 

He snapped out of it. “Oh, yeah. It really did. Some kinda trauma bonding or something from the scare I gave them.” 

“Where did you even find that?” Ashley listened to Chris all the weird shit that he found in the basement. Excluding the sex and him watching you and Josh fuck before he joined in.

[yourmidnightlover]

the sun

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: after the events of the snap, you find out news that's both heart wrenching and warming. what happens five years later when bucky's back?

warnings: death, mourning, pregnancy, childbirth, canon-typical violence (not much but just adding to cover all the bases), loosely based on end game and infinity war (as in ignore my mistakes lmaooo), if i failed to mention any warnings PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

wc: 2.6k

a/n: dude idk why i've had an urge to write such heart wrenching angst lately. i'm actually in a decent place rn. i tried to cut this fic down bc originally it was SOOOO long i felt like a lot of it was just filler and i feel like shorter fics of mine tend to do better... ANYWHO! this does have a happy/hopeful ending so no worries! also picturing this beefcake for this story is AGHHHHHHH!

you never thought two lines on a stick could ever break your heart the way they did.

tears clouded your vision as you gripped the counter, trying not to crumble or succumb to your grief.

6 weeks ago, the avengers lost. everything.

half of the world, gone in a moment.

in one moment, your world collapsed. seeing bucky fade to dust right in front of you...

sobs wracked through your body as you crumbled to the ground.

this was supposed to be a happy moment. there should be tears of joy, not sobs of sorrow. your heart should feel full of love, not like there's a super-soldier sized hole in it.

"y/n," nat's voice rang outside the door, giving you a moment to yourself.

"just-," you tried to level your breathing before she opened the door, knowing but not understanding the grief you were feeling.

she wrapped her arms around your body, tucking your head into her neck as she gently rubbed your back soothingly. steve leaned against the bathroom door, glancing on the counter to see what they had all expected.

a positive pregnancy test.

you were having bucky's baby.

without bucky.

you gripped his dog tags that you had been wearing since the funeral. they were the only thing that could truly ground you.

they brought back happy memories of cuddling in bed, the cool metal shocking your skin for only a moment before realizing that it was only bucky and smiling at the memory.

god, it hadn't even been two months.

how were you supposed to do this alone?

"we're here for you," steve's voice called from the doorway, as if he could hear your thoughts. "you'll never be alone. not in this... not ever." he shook his head, his brows furrowed in a serious, straight line.

eventually, your sobs subsided. you stood with nat from your seat on the ground, wiping your own eyes mustering up a pathetic smile before she left you and steve to work out your grief together.

"we didn't even know it was possible," you shrugged. "it's like he sent me them..." you placed your hand on an invisible bump before facing steve, his teary eyes reminding you that he had lost his best friend, too. "he sent us this baby."

you reached your hand out for steve to hold. he took it gratefully and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tight and letting only a few tears slip his waterline before pulling back.

"if you'll let me, i want to be there for you for everything," his chin wobbled. "buck would kick my ass if i let you go through this alone." a genuine laugh left your lips for the first time in nearly two months.

"i would be so grateful for that," you nodded as you let go of his arms. "part of me still can't believe that it's real. it's like part of me still expects him to walk into the compound from a long mission or something..." you shook your head. "i know that sounds so stupid."

"it's not," he shook his head with a smile. "it's what i wish was true, maybe it's your subconscious trying to preserve your mind?"

"maybe," you shrugged before continuing, "i should probably talk to tony and bruce, huh?"

-

you knew you were around eight weeks along.

according to the doctors' tony had enlisted, however, you were already 12 weeks along, which was impossible.

bucky had been gone on a mission at that time... but it's whatever. you got to hear the heartbeat. steve went with you, too. you both bawled together. you kept three copies of the ultrasound and he kept two.

banner had already offered to do some testing on the dna of the baby, noting that the serum would likely affect the pregnancy (as it probably already has).

you had talked to tony about retiring from the whole superhero gig for the time being. you needed to mourn and prepare for a new life simultaneously. tony had promised to provide anything you needed at the drop of a hat, and he sure as hell delivered.

within no time, your pregnancy was being measured at 20 weeks while only being pregnant for 12. banner was concerned for your body's ability to keep up with the rapid rate of growth of the baby. he had you on a strict, hefty diet with two different prenatal vitamins in attempt to help your nutrition.

in spite of your best efforts, you were always exhausted and in pain. but you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. this was bucky's baby. you didn't care how much pain you went through when you had half of him growing inside of you.

you couldn't walk for long without feeling like passing out, which banner chalked up to low iron. steve had grown progressively more worried for you and the baby the longer the pregnancy went on.

as a result, he had moved into the spare room that was in your and bucky's house. truly, it just made it easier for him to help you finish up the nursery anyway.

he was very handy about it all, painting, building furniture from scratch, the whole deal.

"i've been thinking... and if it's a girl, i want to name her evangeline james barnes," you informed steve as you ate the steak he had been making for the past few weeks of your pregnancy, as ordered by dr. banner. that with carrots, broccoli, potatoes, and for dessert strawberries, blueberries and raspberries over ice cream. "and if it's a boy, cyrus james barnes. evangeline means good news, and cyrus means sun."

steve placed his hand over yours, "i think buck would've loved them." he smiled warmly as you downed the food in a few minutes.

you had begun showing soon after you found out you were pregnant, but now, it felt like it was impossible to hide. nat had been wonderful about helping you keep up with the changes your body was going through, getting you new maternity clothes every week.

she even made sure to get you every single craving that wasn't in accordance to banner's hefty diet. not that he didn't want you to eat more, he thought it was best you did! but he also wanted to make sure that with all that you did eat, your body got as many nutrients as possible.

just to be safe, he kept you on other vitamin supplements anyway.

you couldn't help but imagine what bucky would say or do about everything now.

he would hold your body closely, pressing firm kisses to your bump every chance he could get while whispering some sickly sweet sayings to your unborn child, words that would melt the winter soldier's cold exterior.

he would whisper words of encouragement any moment you felt worried about your abilities to be a mom. he would say how beautiful you were, in spite of being bloated in places you didn't know could bloat.

he would be wonderful, and in your mind, he was still alive and vibrant. well, as vibrant as bucky ever was, at least.

truthfully, that's the only way you were able to keep going on like this. steve was wonderful, but you couldn't help but want the love of your life by your side as you tried to navigate this new chapter.

in a couple more weeks, you were projected to be at 32 weeks. bruce and tony were talking with your doctors about the safety of inducing so early, both for you and the baby.

oh, and you wanted the gender to be a surprise.

and within the week, you were having your baby.

steve and nat were by your side during the birth, whispering encouraging words and compliments of your strength.

"i need him!" you screamed in pain as you held one of each of their hands, sobbing in agony. "i need james! i need my bucky! i can't do this alone, i can't-i can't!"

"you can," nat reminded you. "this baby needs you," she held your face to look at hers. "bucky is a part of this baby." you swore you could see tears in her eyes before turning to face steve.

"remember what you told me when you found out you were pregnant?" he didn't bother wiping the tears from his face. "bucky sent you-sent us this baby. he knows you can do it." you sniffled before nodding at your two best friends, pushing with one last scream and a second later, you had...

"cyrus james barnes," the nurse called to you. "it's a boy, congratulations mom."

-

the next few years went by quicker than you could've ever imagined.

crawling, first words, first steps...

you missed bucky. not a day passed where you didn't miss him.

but, having cy helped a lot. he looked just like his father. dark brown hair, icy blue eyes, a cute little nose... not to mention his father's stubbornness.

you made sure he knew who his father was. you took him to the museum often, showing him the statue of his father and his background in the world war, him saving the world so much. you told him how you fell in love with him.

how you fell for the quiet man before ever really talking to him. how you were partners on a long-term, undercover mission and that's where your love ignited from the sparks.

not that cy understood any of what you told him. you just felt it was important to know that his parents loved him, and each other dearly.

you never took off his dog tags, either.

steve was a huge help the whole time. he kept working for the avengers, so he was gone often, but he provided a good male role model for cyrus. after all, he was his uncle steve. he already taught him how to throw a ball, albeit a little softball, but it counts!

you made sure to document everything that went on in yours and cyrus's life.

banner had said that cyrus was growing at an exceeding rate, but nothing to be concerned about. in fact, cyrus was turning five in almost half a year, meaning the anniversary of bucky's death, or disappearance or whatever you called it, was coming up.

then, you got a call from tony and banner.

it all happened so quickly, from testing to planning to the execution. pepper watched cyrus for you while you went back with steve, scott, and tony to get the tesseract.

of course, the men being men had to come upon a few hiccups, but eventually, after going as far back as the 70s, you brought back the tesseract.

the only thing is that nat never came back...

next thing you know, bruce is snapping his fingers and clint is getting a call from his supposedly deceased wife. your eyes fill with tears, hands searching in your pockets for your phone to see if you've gotten anything yet.

is it possible he wasn't brought back? he was the first to... disintegrate. die. maybe that meant something in the eyes of the stones?

then, you felt a buzz in your hand.

although, you didn't have any time to try to grasp what that meant, because more aliens came to earth.

shocker.

after yet another war, one that you weren't even prepared for, after losing more people, again. after losing tony...

but amidst the chaos of the aftermath of the fight, with screams of joy and shock and grief surrounding you, tears streaming down your face, your eyes met the blue ones you only saw in your son.

he slowly walked towards you as the tears sped up. you didn't even realize when your feet began running towards him.

when his arms wrapped around your waist, you finally felt the home you thought you had come to terms with never feeling again. your arms wrapped around his neck, your face buried in his shoulder as you breathed in the scent of gunmetal that had overtaken him in the battle.

"oh my god," you cried into the leather of his jacket. he lifted you off the ground, your legs wrapping around his waist as you felt his smile on your cheek. "i can't believe you're really here."

"i'm here, doll," his hands cradled your head so tenderly. "i'm not ever leaving again. never."

you pulled back before your eyes widened in realization. "you've gotta meet someone, jamie."

his brows furrowed in confusion, just smiling and nodding along with whatever you said.

within the next few hours, simply being held by bucky before steve stole him away with a hug, you finally brought him home.

"so, steve moved in," you started as you pulled your car into the driveway, turning to see bucky looking at you with an incredulous look. "you'll see why." you reached to hold his hand before he brought yours to his lips, pressing a kiss there.

you told him to wait in the car as you went inside to relieve the babysitter for cyrus. after giving him some cash, he went outside, knocking on your car window to let bucky know he should make his way inside.

upon entering, he saw you sitting on the floor with a little boy with striking blue eyes that seemed so familiar to him. his nose, too. his lips though, they were all yours. he had a slight grin plastered on his lips, one that matched yours to a t.

"daddy?" suddenly, it all clicked.

his heart, his mind, his fucking soul, everything made sense now. the pain, hydra, the mind washing, the torture.

meeting you. falling in love. dying?

his son.

he started walking closer to bucky before the steady walk turned into a run. bucky knelt down, wrapping the boy in his arms, cradling his tiny frame in his arms protectively. his son.

"cyrus james barnes," you said with a teary smile on your face. bucky, without breaking the hug with his son, looked up at you with a smile that matched yours. "cyrus means 'sun', and i thought it was fitting. he brought me so much light and hope after you..." you choked up before he stood up with cy in his arms, walking towards you before wrapping you in the big, family hug.

"i love you so much, both of you."