#but in the end most of it is very trivial and unimportant

[layalu]

biggest gripe with Deadfire so far is that sometimes the dialogue options are super fun and varied, but then half the time when it matters the dialogue options are. Really Bad

[balkanradfem]

Do you ever think about how sad and messed up it is to grow up in this world as a little girl who likes to read. Because you are a child, and you don't get that there's a difference in who writes the books, you read everything you like, you read the adventures and the fantasy and the mysteries and the traumatic stuff and if you're also very isolated and lonely, these books build your worldview. Because why wouldn't they? They're written by humans, so they have the attitudes, opinions, perceptions, morals and spirits of human beings in them, they're telling you what humans think and feel about things, how they go about situations, what they imagine, what they desire. What your role in all this is, or what it could potentially be.

But, since you are not capable of differentiating the material, and you just read what is available to you, you end up reading a lot of books written by m*n. You also have to go thru the required reading at school - 90% written by m*n. And so slowly, since young age, without even socializing or learning it thru interaction, you find yourself in a world shaped by minds who do not have empathy for women, especially not for little girls. You find yourself relating to the male protagonists, but you also find out that girls only play a passive role in their stories. You find that m*n problems are centered, made important, their suffering and violence critical points in the story, while women are cast aside as helpers, servants, givers, caretakers, and generally just exist in the background, not a thought given to what they are going thru.

You learn thru books written by m*n, that your experience is secondary. Even if you cast yourself as the adventuring, immensely important and struggling protagonist, even then the other women in your mind end up being just background characters, caregivers who do not need a thought spared for their suffering.

Books written by m*n, even for children, will trivialize female suffering to the point where they shape the child's mind into one that looks at the world from a male perspective. Where women either don't matter, or are capable only of giving and aiding, to be cast aside for more important matters, such as male aspirations for their own lives.

Thinking back, I understand why I felt myself unimportant and trivial in any social setting - I understood my role from the written word, and I knew adults found me trivial, secondary, only a background figure to someone else's adventure or mission. As much as I could fight it in my fantasies, and make myself the main character, it felt like a pipe dream, like something that was incredible self-indulged and selfish and would never translate to reality.

I wish it had been different. I wish I had been introduced specifically and only to books written by women, for women. I wish I had found empathy for myself in those books. I wish I had found myself standing on high ground, equal ground, with other women, our desires centered, our lives translated into tales of epic importance - because that's what they are. I wish I had been born into a world where female perspective is available from the start, not after years of growing up and finding feminist literature and having to re-write my own role in my brain, from all of those years of reading male perspective as the default.

I don't think any little girl should be exposed to literature that shape her world as a place where she doesn't matter. I don't think books written by males and shaped by their worldview should be allowed into children's literature, or teenage or for young adults. Girls should not be learning from fiction that their most important value is empathy and understanding for male problems, and their second, to be desired and/or helpful to them, all while being treated as nothing but service and background noise until you're desired for something. We need to open books and find out that we matter too. That our lives can be the center of our existence, rather than being in the service of someone else's life.

[aspd-culture]

Contributing to the conversation, I think it’s, I’m gonna be honest, more likely that emotional abuse would boost the chances of aspd forming because children as a demographic are routinely gaslit, emotionally abused, dehumanized, and treated as property both by their caregivers (be they family, guardians, or teachers) or peers (other kids in school). Being dehumanized routinely as a child and thinking this is all you are to others, it would make sense that being on the receiving end of ‘antisocial treatment’ (as in, things that would prohibit social camaraderie and communal relations) would contribute to an antisocial mindset that persists in life.

Aspd is very specifically also a heavy impulse-based disorder too, underdeveloped frontal lobe and prolonged emotional trauma before the healthy development of that lobe that manages impulse control in social settings met with emotional abuse, it’s probably also why a lot of kids who do develop aspd could also end up with an exception for the person who treated them like a person but one person obviously cannot offset All of the damage the rest of their environment caused. I think aspd is perhaps somewhat more underdiagnosed *because* people don’t provide a lot of support to pwaspd when they’re adults because the adult with aspd has so thoroughly alienated themselves through their disorder that people just don’t care if they get help or communal care. Because it’s easier to just let pwaspd fall through the cracks because they’re “evil” and “don’t deserve it”.

So now you have someone who has spent their entire lives being proven left and right that they’re not cared about so “why the fuck should they care about anyone else, care is obviously conditional on my behavior and even when I mask, I’m not good enough”. Anyways, yeah, I absolutely think prolonged emotional abuse is absolutely a valid and understandable cause of aspd when we look at how we treat kids.

On the one hand, there is a lot here I completely agree with, but I do have some points I feel there is more to/have some nuance/etc.

So yeah, absolutely agree that emotional abuse seems a much more likely culprit for the development of ASPD than others (assuming of course that we're putting these in a vacuum, because realistically most children suffering other types of abuse likely experience emotional abuse as well. Not arguing with that at all. The reasons you mention here all make a lot of sense to me, and I want to add that one known to be a big one is teasing; many researchers believe that specific experience is very damaging to a child at risk of developing ASPD. Part of that is what you mentioned - the gaslighting and general disregard for the trauma teasing can cause and the hurt associated with it makes the child feel like they will not be protected in other situations. Because the child doesn't see this the way the adults do - as something "trivial", unimportant, and incomparable to "real" trauma - they don't realize that the adults involved would respond differently to other types of pain. They just believe, given their experience, that the adults will always minimize and disregard the problems they come to them with and therefore do not bother to ask for the help they know they won't get in the future. This creates the need to be self-sufficient and protect yourself and, without intervention from adults, the ways to do that are limited and generally either violent or manipulative. Children dealing with any type of disregard for their problems may also learn that they can manipulate the adults into reacting the way they need them to - a seemingly helpless, caring, "gentle", naïve, etc. child will get more help than the average one - and take that as a normal part of life.

I'd argue that dehumanization is less related to ASPD personally, not in that it can't be but in that it isn't a specific risk factor. Generally, that dehumanization of children is universal not pointed, and the child will see that children are treated like this, but adults are not, and that will stick in their development as it does to all children. The things that are generally considered large risk factors for ASPD's development are things that lead the child to believe will be a problem their entire life, and therefore their brain develops to tolerate that. An example here is that all children deal with restrictions and rules older children and adults do not have, and cannot do things older children and adults can do. They see this and rather than learn it as an issue with society, they simply become impatient to grow up. Dehumanization is a serious trauma that arguably most kids deal with, and it needs to be addressed and fixed for the good of children as a whole, but I don't think it specifically lends itself to ASPD if that is the only kind of emotional abuse the child is dealing with (again, putting these things in unrealistic vacuums for the purpose of this conversation). Now there is a MAJOR exception to this:

Dehumanization that goes to demonization absolutely is a heavy risk factor for ASPD. If you treat a child like they are all bad, or even actually call them a demon/devil/terror/etc. frequently and consistently enough, especially if they hear you doing it behind their back to other people, then they will take that in as a part of their identity. Children don't understand the fluidity of identity, which is why their current interest will always become their favorite thing, their answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up" will be intense and certain yet change every few days/weeks, etc. so when you identify them as a bad kid or worse, then they will behave that way because they think that is what they are supposed to be. This attempt at correcting a child's behavior generally leads against its own goal and makes the child believe you *want* them to be bad because that is what you told them they are. But the general dehumanization of children is honestly an overall societal problem and considering how low the prevalence of ASPD is (even accounting for under-diagnosis), I think it's probably not a leading factor. That's just personal opinion though, a good portion of my response to this ask is.

It's really important to me that we address the belief that impulse control issues are inherent to and a major part of ASPD, because that genuinely is not the case. While it is a part of the diagnostic criteria, I'd like to point out that only 3/7 of those need to apply, and impulse control doesn't need to be one of them. Allow me to explain why this is important to me before anyone writes off this please, because this one actually is not opinion based. ASPD is well known to be a disorder heavily based on trauma in the overwhelming majority of cases - purely genetic ASPD without any trauma exists but is not common at all afaik. Discussing the majority who are traumatized, it's important to note that a lot of types of trauma *do not allow for impulse control issues*, at the expense of the child's safety and emotional/physical wellbeing. It is dangerous for a child dealing with trauma bad enough to cause a personality disorder to not be able to control themselves, and part of what ASPD is is a means of self-preservation in the face of a seemingly hostile, dangerous, and uncaring world/society. Thus the symptoms we see in ASPD - aggression, defensiveness, self-sufficiency, distrust of others, manipulation, lying, charisma, etc etc etc - are things that would have kept the child safer and get them ahead. For the children who were at risk if they were not able to control impulses, that symptom has quite a low chance of developing. Therefore, I don't think it's fair to say that that is an inherent part of ASPD. Our understanding of the neurology of ASPD is also very undeveloped - all research of ASPD up to and including current has been and continues to be biased and ableist, specifically mostly including inmates imprisoned for long sentences due to violent crimes, especially extreme ones and repeat offenders. This is naturally going to lead to the idea that ASPD is always or almost always associated with poor impulse control - because your average person with ASPD is not going to be included in these studies to get an accurate representation. Until we do get a largely unbiased understanding of ASPD, I don't think we can decisively say anything about the neurology of it, and I've seen several researchers and mental health professions alike agree with the idea that we don't know anything conclusive about that at this point for various reasons, including admittedly the lack of cooperative response many pwASPD would give a study like that.

I also have some notes on the issue of underdiagnosis, because I think it's based in a similar concept to what you said, but for the opposite reason. The people most likely to be diagnosed with ASPD are ostracized and isolated, as far as I've seen. The problem with underdiagnosis really comes in with the opposite type of ASPD which may well be the majority. That is the people who have crafted a seemingly normal adjustment to life and society - people who have friends (whether they're actual friends or just a front to seem normal), have healthy or at least long-term relationships of some variety, seem caring and kind, and are generally either well-liked or at least have no more effect on the people around them than neutral. It's not the ones who have been mistreated and openly get dismissed as bad and evil even into adulthood who don't get diagnosed, it's those of us who *don't* fit that stereotype. It's something a lot of us fight tooth and nail to get people to understand; I'm aware I seem empathetic and caring but that is both possible for pwASPD to learn to be and possible to fake. It is that dismissal and demonization of pwASPD that leads to diagnosis - but not from the people being demonized or dismissed by society.

All in all I don't entirely disagree with any point you make here and I think all of it is an important piece of the discussion of the risk factors of ASPD, but I think this understanding is missing a good amount too.

Plain text below the cut:

On the one hand, there is a lot here I completely agree with, but I do have some points I feel there is more to/have some nuance/etc.

So yeah, absolutely agree that emotional abuse seems a much more likely culprit for the development of ASPD than others (assuming of course that we're putting these in a vacuum, because realistically most children suffering other types of abuse likely experience emotional abuse as well. Not arguing with that at all. The reasons you mention here all make a lot of sense to me, and I want to add that one known to be a big one is teasing; many researchers believe that specific experience is very damaging to a child at risk of developing ASPD. Part of that is what you mentioned - the gaslighting and general disregard for the trauma teasing can cause and the hurt associated with it makes the child feel like they will not be protected in other situations. Because the child doesn't see this the way the adults do - as something "trivial", unimportant, and incomparable to "real" trauma - they don't realize that the adults involved would respond differently to other types of pain. They just believe, given their experience, that the adults will always minimize and disregard the problems they come to them with and therefore do not bother to ask for the help they know they won't get in the future. This creates the need to be self-sufficient and protect yourself and, without intervention from adults, the ways to do that are limited and generally either violent or manipulative. Children dealing with any type of disregard for their problems may also learn that they can manipulate the adults into reacting the way they need them to - a seemingly helpless, caring, "gentle", naïve, etc. child will get more help than the average one - and take that as a normal part of life.

I'd argue that dehumanization is less related to ASPD personally, not in that it can't be but in that it isn't a specific risk factor. Generally, that dehumanization of children is universal not pointed, and the child will see that children are treated like this, but adults are not, and that will stick in their development as it does to all children. The things that are generally considered large risk factors for ASPD's development are things that lead the child to believe will be a problem their entire life, and therefore their brain develops to tolerate that. An example here is that all children deal with restrictions and rules older children and adults do not have, and cannot do things older children and adults can do. They see this and rather than learn it as an issue with society, they simply become impatient to grow up. Dehumanization is a serious trauma that arguably most kids deal with, and it needs to be addressed and fixed for the good of children as a whole, but I don't think it specifically lends itself to ASPD if that is the only kind of emotional abuse the child is dealing with (again, putting these things in unrealistic vacuums for the purpose of this conversation). Now there is a MAJOR exception to this:

Dehumanization that goes to demonization absolutely is a heavy risk factor for ASPD. If you treat a child like they are all bad, or even actually call them a demon/devil/terror/etc. frequently and consistently enough, especially if they hear you doing it behind their back to other people, then they will take that in as a part of their identity. Children don't understand the fluidity of identity, which is why their current interest will always become their favorite thing, their answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up" will be intense and certain yet change every few days/weeks, etc. so when you identify them as a bad kid or worse, then they will behave that way because they think that is what they are supposed to be. This attempt at correcting a child's behavior generally leads against its own goal and makes the child believe you *want* them to be bad because that is what you told them they are. But the general dehumanization of children is honestly an overall societal problem and considering how low the prevalence of ASPD is (even accounting for under-diagnosis), I think it's probably not a leading factor. That's just personal opinion though, a good portion of my response to this ask is.

It's really important to me that we address the belief that impulse control issues are inherent to and a major part of ASPD, because that genuinely is not the case. While it is a part of the diagnostic criteria, I'd like to point out that only 3/7 of those need to apply, and impulse control doesn't need to be one of them. Allow me to explain why this is important to me before anyone writes off this please, because this one actually is not opinion based. ASPD is well known to be a disorder heavily based on trauma in the overwhelming majority of cases - purely genetic ASPD without any trauma exists but is not common at all afaik. Discussing the majority who are traumatized, it's important to note that a lot of types of trauma *do not allow for impulse control issues*, at the expense of the child's safety and emotional/physical wellbeing. It is dangerous for a child dealing with trauma bad enough to cause a personality disorder to not be able to control themselves, and part of what ASPD is is a means of self-preservation in the face of a seemingly hostile, dangerous, and uncaring world/society. Thus the symptoms we see in ASPD - aggression, defensiveness, self-sufficiency, distrust of others, manipulation, lying, charisma, etc etc etc - are things that would have kept the child safer and get them ahead. For the children who were at risk if they were not able to control impulses, that symptom has quite a low chance of developing. Therefore, I don't think it's fair to say that that is an inherent part of ASPD. Our understanding of the neurology of ASPD is also very undeveloped - all research of ASPD up to and including current has been and continues to be biased and ableist, specifically mostly including inmates imprisoned for long sentences due to violent crimes, especially extreme ones and repeat offenders. This is naturally going to lead to the idea that ASPD is always or almost always associated with poor impulse control - because your average person with ASPD is not going to be included in these studies to get an accurate representation. Until we do get a largely unbiased understanding of ASPD, I don't think we can decisively say anything about the neurology of it, and I've seen several researchers and mental health professions alike agree with the idea that we don't know anything conclusive about that at this point for various reasons, including admittedly the lack of cooperative response many pwASPD would give a study like that.

I also have some notes on the issue of underdiagnosis, because I think it's based in a similar concept to what you said, but for the opposite reason. The people most likely to be diagnosed with ASPD are ostracized and isolated, as far as I've seen. The problem with underdiagnosis really comes in with the opposite type of ASPD which may well be the majority. That is the people who have crafted a seemingly normal adjustment to life and society - people who have friends (whether they're actual friends or just a front to seem normal), have healthy or at least long-term relationships of some variety, seem caring and kind, and are generally either well-liked or at least have no more effect on the people around them than neutral. It's not the ones who have been mistreated and openly get dismissed as bad and evil even into adulthood who don't get diagnosed, it's those of us who *don't* fit that stereotype. It's something a lot of us fight tooth and nail to get people to understand; I'm aware I seem empathetic and caring but that is both possible for pwASPD to learn to be and possible to fake. It is that dismissal and demonization of pwASPD that leads to diagnosis - but not from the people being demonized or dismissed by society.

All in all I don't entirely disagree with any point you make here and I think all of it is an important piece of the discussion of the risk factors of ASPD, but I think this understanding is missing a good amount too.

[ropebuny]

How much control would you want your ideal dad to have?

keeping in mind of course that it would all depend on the day because sometimes people are just too tired and exhausted or maybe feel down and overwhelmed and don’t want to engage in those activities !!!

but ideally, I’d like them to have lots of control with it sometimes bordering on them controlling me completely. I’d love to be given bedtimes and expected to follow them for my own good, I’d love to have to ask them for permission for things such as hanging out with my friends, and if we went for drinks I’d love to have to ask my dad if I can drink caffeine on that day and have them choose my drink for me. same if I go out to somewhere where others are drinking alcohol, I’d love to feel the embarrassment of having to ask them for permission to do so as well. I have my tumblr likes private, I love the idea of them instructing me every so often, maybe at the end of every day, to turn them on so they can look through them. I love the idea of feeling the need to go pee but having to message them or call them in order to ask them for permission, no matter where I am. I’d love to be given rules and have to follow them and expect punishment when I don’t. I’d love to give up my orgasms entirely to them, giving them the ability to tell me when I can touch, in what way, to what. I’d love to be expected to otherwise never touch myself without their permission, to always come to them for help instead. I’d love for them to control the time for how long I get to touch myself and the amount of times I can cum and when to stop, even if I was on the brink of cumming. I’d love to have to send them pictures of my collection of underwear and bras and my clothes in general, so they could have a look at them and choose my underwear of outfit for each day. same for other things, like for example when I go shower I’d love for them to choose what scent of body wash to use, what scent of perfume when I go out or to class, how I’d do my hair for that day… it might seem very mundane or trivial, but going throughout the day knowing my dad chose it all for me would be very very cute to me. it’d be cute to be even told what food to eat with my health being their top priority (e.g. them saying that they want me to focus on more veggies today, or more protein, or more fruit, or more healthy fats, etc.). I’d love to feel so cared for and so secure and loved, that whenever anything happened, no matter how trivial or ‘unimportant’, I’d want to feel comfortable enough to tell them everything and anything. I want to feel that they want to know every single little thing about me and that there is no shame between us

at the end of the day it’s mainly about trust and care which is most important, but it also makes me very needy knowing that they have control over what I do with my every day

[darkmaga-returns]

THE documentary Climate: The Movie first released at the start of 2024 remains the most important contribution to the debate about the so-called climate crisis and antidote to today’s ‘alarmism era’ that is causing so much havoc with energy policy and supplies. The film is one and half hours of careful argument and evidence and requires considerable concentration! After its release we thought it would help, for readers’ reference, if we published the transcript in sections. This we did between April 2 and April 5 2024. We are repeating these over the Christmas period.

Yesterday we republished the film’s preamble followed by the first sections on the scientific history of the earth and the ‘history’ of CO2. Today’s transcript is of the next sections on natural climate change and extreme weather.

You can watch the full film here. The transcript follows: the sections in bold type are the commentary.

NATURAL CLIMATE CHANGE – CLOUDS

In Earth’s atmosphere there are powerful forces at work, and perhaps the most powerful of all are clouds.

JOHN CLAUSER: CO2 is quite unimportant in controlling the Earth’s climate. What is important is clouds. Clouds don’t absorb any energy at all, they simply reflect all the sunlight back out into space. Big bright white clouds and they vary dramatically from one day to the next. That is hundreds of times more powerful than the trivial effects of CO2.

But what controls the number and density of clouds on earth? Professor Henrik Svensmark, from the Danish National Space Institute, is in Jerusalem with the astrophysicist Nir Shaviv. Together they’ve been exploring cloud variation and its effect on climate. And, strangely, they’ve found a link between clouds and exploding supernovae, far off in our galaxy.

HENRIK SVENSMARK: When we have big stars, they don’t live very long relatively, only a few million years up to 40million years but they end their life in a huge explosion which we call a supernova.

[reginarubie]

not me hyperventilating because not only did you respond so sweetly to my emotional mess of a message but you also gifted me with a snipped of jonsa I was so close to tears at work during break. It feels so surreal having an author respond to their audience like this. So, if it isn’t obvious I don’t really do this because I’m more of a secret admirer aka silent reader type so sending ask and request always puts me on edge because I don’t want to be a bother. Thanks so much for answer and sharing the jonsa agenda!!!

Hi nonny,

don't you worry! Your message wasn't a mess, it was just emotional because you were and that is not something you should feel guilty about.

It's human to get emotional, even over trivial things, like a ship can be. Most of all it's okay to get emotional even on trivial things like fandom. It's not okay when you take it out cruelly on someone, because that is bullying, but as long as you share into your emotivity politely and kindly I don't see why anyone should feel entitled to answer impolitely or rudely.

I get it, I was a lurkerer too, until @sansaissteel found little, old introvert me and was like “that's it I am adopting you in the Jonsa family, come with me”.

And it's a work in progress, tbh I feel really humbled to be able to reach so many people and even in my little corner make the difference for them, even on something as little and unimportant as fandom. And I am blessed to say I can now count many Tumblr Friends that help me better myself, not only as an author but as a person as well.

All of this to say, you are not a bother, you could not be when you share your opinion honestly and politely, when you have something to say and you do say it, you add to table you do not take away. So please, do not feel on edge, we are all human beings and at the end of the day we all share in the same life.

We all know the five main emotions by heart and can empathize with them even if we never met, because they are universal. So I hope that next time you feel like sharing your opinion you do without feeling the edge that you did those first few times, you did great progress already because I can already feel the tone of your ask is more comfortable and I adore it.

There will be rude people in fandom, hell if I don't know, but you will always find a safe corner on this side of it, even if you make a mistake, as long as you are genuinely sorry;

We area't the Jonsa “family” for nothing.

Also, I am always fond of speaking with “my audience” as you said (God, I have an audience. I can't quite believe it) and I don't see why, as they make their effort to share their opinion I should diminish it or their feelings by being in and way rude.

So feel free to see this space, my blog, as a safe space.

Also yes, always happy to show the Jonsa agenda! As soon as I have the first five chapters ready (my only golden rule) I may very well post it!

Oh, and I have posted a snippet of next chapter of Tale of the Black Knight, go have a look if you want, and let me know what you think of it!

hope you have a great day!

Sending all my love~G.

[pangolinheart]

FFXIVWrite 2023 DAY 10 - FAIR PT. 2 (EXTRA CREDIT)

A continuation of yesterday's prompt! I had thought up a few more scenes of what Rhiki and Urianger might do at a fair together, but I didn't have enough time to fit them in, so I made them my extra-credit entry for today!

Rating: General Genre: Fluff, humor Characters: Urianger Augurelt, Z'rhiki Irhi (Warrior of Light) Word Count: 2,523 Content Warnings: None

“Y-you really don’t have to give it to me. You could pick out something else that you like!” Rhiki insisted, but Urianger shook his head, and once again proffered the almost-comically-large Major General plush in her direction.

“Nay, ‘twas always mine intent to bequeath the spoils of victory unto you.” He insisted with a chuckle. “’Twas my greatest of pleasures to assist. I would be most gratified if you would accept mine offering.”

Something about the formality with which he spoke about such a trivial matter made her snort with laughter. “Okay, okay, I’ll take it.” She relented, and accepted the awkwardly-sized stuffed toy. She beamed at it, then looked up at her companion. “Thanks, Urianger.”

“Think nothing of it,” he said with a flourished wave of his hand.

“I still can’t believe you actually did it,” she marveled. “That was… actually really impressive.”

He straightened his posture in exaggerated (well, for Urianger at least, she thought) pride. “’Twas but a trifle for one possessed of mine acumen.” She giggled. “In truth, ‘tis more of a feat of mathematics than physical prowess, and so did I find myself well-suited to the task.”

“And you’re taller, so you can get a better view. And throw from higher up.” Rhiki pointed out.

“This… may have also been a factor in mine estimations.” He admitted, making Rhiki huff.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t rub it in.” She griped playfully. “Anyway, what do you want to do next?”

Urianger considered this question, scanning the stalls and games lining the streets. “Hmmm,” He looked back down at her. “I am forced to concede that I am at a loss. Might thou proffer a suggestion?”

“Hmmm…” Rhiki hummed in a perfect echo of his sentiment. She squinted to read signs further down the street, wracking her mind for something that they would both enjoy. Her eyes landed on a purple tent towards the end of the road, decorated with silvery stars. “Oh! I have an idea. You’ll love this – fortune telling!”

“A fine suggestion!” Urianger agreed. “’Twill be most interesting to learn what might await us both in the future!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Z’rhiki exited the tent with sagging shoulders, Fripon trotting along behind her.

Taking in her grim expression, Urianger questioned, “Were the seer’s predictions not pleasing?”

“Ugh!” Rhiki sighed. After a moment, though, she smiled, shrugging off the roegadyn’s ominous portent. “Don’t worry, though, it’s not that serious. It’s just in good fun.”

“May I ask what question thou posed?” He ventured.

“You really want to know?”

“I am most interested,”

With Urianger’s earnest golden eyes on her, she suddenly felt very self-conscious. She hoped she wasn’t blushing. “I asked her about my love life,” She admitted, not sure why she was so embarrassed to admit such a thing to him. Maybe because it seemed so frivolous.

“Indeed? And the results of the divination were not to thy liking?” She had thought he might find this amusing – that the Warrior of Light was preoccupied with such unimportant matters – but his expression was one of genuine curiosity.

She shook her head, the small braids on one side of her hair swinging back and forth. “Nope. Apparently the future looks grim. Disastrous even.” Saying it out loud, she was struck by how comical it sounded, and suddenly burst out into a short fit of laughter.

Though her giggling eased the serious expression on his face back into a small smile, he still placed a hand on her shoulder. “Take heart, my friend! It presseth against the boundaries of belief that one with true knowledge of the stars’ designs would be found offering their wisdom to the public for a mere 50 gil. And, as we both well know, even the will of the star itself  can be changed.”

Still snickering, she swatted his hand off of her shoulder. “I know that, silly! I appreciate the thought, though. Now, your turn!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Z’rhiki was crouched down, entertaining Fripon with a long, tufted weed she had plucked from the ground, when Urianger stepped back out into the light of the fair. She straightened up to her full, inconsiderable height.

“Well, how’d it go?” She demanded when he was close enough that she didn’t have to shout.

“The soothsayer hath revealed to me that, in my previous incarnation on this star, I did live as a thistle mole. A most intriguing supposition.”

Rhiki almost choked on her own laughter. “A thistle mole?” She cackled. “Why were you a thistle mole?!”

Urianger remained unfazed, his tone still good-humored. “Must there be a reason for any single creature’s existence?”

It was one of those esoteric questions that tended to pop up in conversations with him, and her laughter subsided as she contemplated it… whatever it meant. She decided a fair was hardly the place for such deeply involved rumination, however, and quickly changed the subject.

“Let’s- Let’s save that question for another time, shall we?” She suggested. “Anyway, why did she tell you about your past life? She didn’t tell me about my past life!”

“Mayhaps mine ‘aura’ did suggest that such knowledge would be of the greatest benefit to me?” He posited, lightly.

“Well I don’t see how. Did you tunnel in the dirt as a thistle mole? Eat bugs? Get chased by angry botanists?”

“Such details were not afforded to me by the reading. Presumably, I would have done all of these things and more.”

“What more does a thistle mole usually do?”

He must not have had an answer to this question, she thought, because his reply was unnecessarily cryptic. “What more need a thistle mole do?”

“Uhh…” Not only did she not have an answer, she had no idea what type of answer the question called for. So instead, she posed a different one as she led them away from the fortune telling tent. “Okay, what do you think I was in a past life?”

Urianger gave this some thought. He searched, it seemed, for an answer that would not offend – much like a real carnival fortune-teller. “Mayhap thou were a goblin. This would explain thine affinity for them, and the ease with which thou art able to communicate with them.”

“That’s because I spent a lot of time around Idyllshire, not because I used to be a goblin,” She pointed out. “Plus, who doesn’t like gobbies? They’re cute!”

“Then mayhap… a dragon?”

She shook her head. “Now you’re just trying to flatter me! There’s no way I was a dragon! That’s the best you’ve got? I thought you were an astrologian! Ask the stars or something!”

“Nay, thou art correct.” He conceded, “I did not consider thy question with adequate diligence. Prithee wait a moment. I shall consult the stars.”

She stopped walking a step after he did. “Wait, you’re not actually going to try right now are you?”

Urianger held up a hand to silence her, his face already turned skywards. They stood there for more than a minute as he gazed at the stars. Rhiki was starting to worry people would notice the strange behavior when she saw Urianger nod in understanding. “I see…” He muttered.

“What? What is it?”

He looked down at her with a serious expression. “The stars hath lent me their wisdom. In thine past life, I believe thou to have been a common garden worm.”

“WHAT?!”

This time it was Urianger who laughed, a sound that might have been strange and unfamiliar to her had she not been so flustered. “I almost believed you for a second!” She exclaimed, giving him a light slap on the arm. “I can’t believe you said I was a worm!”

Urianger did his best to contain his laughter, though failed to actually do so. “Mine apologies,” He offered yet again. “Shall we proceed to another attraction?”

“Ugh, whatever! I bet I was the coolest worm ever! All the other worms probably loved me!” She grumbled as they resumed their walk.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thy training as a dragoon still serveth thee well,” Urianger observed as they pushed through the curtains at the exit of the small “Haunted House” – though rather than a  house guests were taken through a temporary wooden construction designed for easy assembly and disassembly.

“Huh?” Rhiki asked, not quite following. She leaned down and scooped up Fripon as they descended the handful of steps to the street. She squinted at Urianger. “Was that… a joke? Are you making fun of me?”

“Nay nay,” He insisted jovially. “I merely surmised that the instinct to leap with such height and distance in response to fright must have been instilled in thee during thy many hours of practice with the lance.”

“You are making fun of me! I wasn’t scared! I was just… startled! I’ve fought way scarier monsters than a lalafel in black robes who grabs at your ankles! And at least I was paying attention! You were so interested in the displays that you completely missed one of the jump scares.” Though the interior had been kept intentionally dark, she could clearly remember seeing the confusion on one actor’s ghoulishly painted face as he leapt from a hidden door, fake knife in hand, only to find that his victim had failed to even notice his entrance. Rhiki had found the scene hysterically funny,

Urianger nodded, unbothered by the accusation. “It is indeed impressive that the organizers are able to use such limited resources to such great effect. To use scarlet sap mixed with currant juice to create the impression of fresh blood displays a commendable dedication to their craft.”

“I still can’t believe you almost tasted that,” Rhiki said. “I guess I never really thought about it before? You see stuff like that at haunted houses all the time. Cotton bolls used for cobwebs and all that. Oh! But did you see the big diremite? That was pretty cool!”

“Indeed. ‘Twas most frightening.” Urianger agreed, though she hadn’t seen him so much as flinch during the entire experience. “The application of simple thaumaturgy to create the effects of mist and thunder was quite ingenious.”

Rhiki glanced over to another section just off  of the main street, where she saw light whirling around. “If you like that, you’ll love this! Some of the local conjurers use wind-aspected magic and old barrels to made spinning rides! Let’s do that next!”

Having released Fripon, she skirted back towards the entrance of the attraction to pick up the prize Urianger had gifted her, which the attendant graciously had offered to hold for her while they were inside. Upon returning to where he stood, she grabbed him by the wrist with her free hand and tugged him along with her. “C’mon, let’s go!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, what did you think?” She tried not to sound smug as she watched Urianger stumble off the attraction after her. “Was that fun, or what?”

The contortions of his face as the seats hurdled and spun had already told her what he would say. Urianger groped at the nearest solid surface to steady himself, eyes knit together in a pained expression. “Surely… thou jests.”

“Maybe a little,” She admitted, snickering. She reached up to pat  his shoulder, a feat which she had to stand on the tips of her toes to accomplish.

Urianger groaned. “It defies my comprehension… that so many should willingly subject themselves to such a harrowing experience… as a form of entertainment.”

“I dunno. It makes sense to me.” Rhiki shrugged. “But I probably should have warned you it might make you a little woozy. That’s why I thought we should do it before we ate.”

“I-indeed. A wise choice.” Urianger managed. “Thy constitution is, as ever, alike to iron. Truly a fortunate quality to possess…”

She offered him an encouraging smile. “Are you alright?”

“Yes… I believe I shall recover shortly.”

She gave him a few moments to catch his breath and reassemble his insides. She was reminded of their first journey to Thavnair, when they had all ended up with aether sickness from the experimental aetheryte trip. It put her in mind of an idea.

“Oh, remember that lassi that Estinien bought us when we first landed in Yedlihmad? Maybe they’ll have something similar here. You wait here and keep an eye on Fripon for me, I’ll be right back! When you’re feeling better, we can get some festival food and head to the pier – I think my favorite part is starting soon!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh, wow!” Rhiki’s voice, though soft, rose over the crackling above them, and she pointed. “Did you see that bright purple one? I wonder how they get them that shape…”

Urianger didn’t respond, but took another sip of the pink, melon-flavored drink he had purchased. Rhiki had informed him that it was a popular choice at summer festivals. At their feet, Rhiki’s unicolt lapped at a small bowl of shaved ice she had purchased for him.

Urianger glanced down at the miqo’te, watching her tear another chunk off a large piece of fried dough and pop it into her mouth. Her eyes never left the sky, where above them another volley of colorful fireworks exploded, some twinkling out of existence and others leaving glowing streaks in their wake as they spiraled. She was leaning over the pier’s iron railing, eyes wide and her lips, though parted in wonderment, forming a clear smile.

“Oh, pretty!” She murmured and he smiled as well. Once the last sparks of light from the cluster had vanished, she suddenly noticed his eyes on her.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He shook his head. “’Tis nothing of import. ‘Tis simply nice to see thee so thoroughly enjoying thyself. The sight of such a genuine smile on thy lips has become a rarity these past some-odd years.”

Her ears lowered a fraction of an inch, and she fidgeted, her eyes darting to the side. “What? I smile all the time!” she insisted, though she seemed somewhat embarrassed that he had noticed such a thing.

He watched her face for a few seconds longer, but then shook his head. “Thou art correct. Mayhap it was but a trick of the light. Pay me no mind.”

“Okay,” she said, relaxing a bit. “You should be watching the fireworks anyway! They’re beautiful!”

“Just so.” He was about to follow her advice when he felt a tugging on his robe. He glanced down to find that Rhiki’s unicolt had reared back on his hind legs and planted his forehooves against his own calf. Fripon craned neck to look up at him.

“I think Fripon wants some of the melon from your drink.” Rhiki observed.

Chuckling, Urianger knelt down. He fished a piece of Allagan melon from the drink and offered it to Fripon, who eagerly accepted the treat, going so far as to lick the juice from his hand. “A reward for his exemplary performance as a friend and companion.” Urianger declared. The unicolt whinnied.

“Fripon says thank you,” Rhiki pretended to translate. “Now come on, you’re going to miss the grand finale!”

With a smile, he rose to his feat and the two watched as a spray of fireworks lit the sky.

[neonpiegon]

Erosion

In school, there was this event, a design congress, and I was staff at it. Nothing too demanding, to be honest. The most tiresome part was being up and around the whole day and finding someone to help out.

At this event, there were two coordinators, managers, or however you want to call them. Long story short, one of them, A, held up almost the whole event on their own because B was too useless. Very commendable; that person earned my respect while other one lost it. By the end of the event, we were all tired of B, who only nagged and demanded very rudely from the staff, and upheld unnecessary rules that benefited no one, even talking poorly about A at times. We all sided with A when they said they wanted to talk with B about this whole situation, and "give feedback, for their own good".

I sometimes praise myself for being able to read people's personalities accurately, and this was no exception. A claimed that B should apologize about their behavior to everyone and resign from the coordination role... but, what for? The event was over, what was there to gain? Many of the staff, including myself, followed A in their scheme to receive a sincere apology from B, but there was another factor: staff C. This C person had some intense friction with B during the event, and was the most adamant, even more than A, to receive an apology. Or so they said that was the objective.

B was lazy, useless, arrogant, pedantic, selfish, annoying, rude, martyr, uptight, and overall a toxic element to the whole team, which is specially important because they were one of the two leaders, and earned many enemies during this event. A was dedicated, comprehensive, calm, sympathetic, useful, and a team player, and gained the respect of many of the team. It would seem pretty obvious that, in the case of a dispute, one would side with A, and that assumption would be correct. However, in the meantime that A coordinated the staff to prepare arguments for why B was such a liability to the team, they showed their true colors.

The first thing to ask is: was B really a liability? We all agreed that A carried the event on their backs and the event was, relatively, a major success. But if B's behavior was so unacceptable, then, as one half of the event's management, most things should have fallen apart. One could say that because A put so much effort, the event was not a failure. However, I also say that B's participation in management was so insignificant that their unintentional disruption should be, proportionally, also insignificant in the grand scheme of things. They were not intentionally trying to sabotage the event; in fact, they upheld most of the rules given to them. So, what was the real problem?

The problem was that, through many of the actions and decisions of B, A and C felt deeply offended by their rude behavior. They wanted to confront B about it, without causing much commotion, and because we all felt disgust towards B and respect for A, many of us supported them, faithfully and blindly.

If this problem was truly about the event, they could have involved higher authorities with concrete arguments about why B was such a bad coordinator... but they had nothing. Only sentences where their ego was hurt, but nothing really that proved B had done irreparable damage to the institution. Was B a good leader or manager? No, absolutely not. But their actions did not harm the event whatsoever, only the morale and attitude of the staff. A and C were not looking for an apology from B, they were out on a personal vendetta to mend their fragile egos about trivial stuff. A wanted B to admit that they were particularly bad at their task and that A upheld almost on their own; they wanted B to return verbally the credit that they did not deserve. They wanted the acceptance of being the better leader by the other half that did nowhere near as much work, yet they both receive the same. Understandable... but horribly unimportant.

C on the other hand, wanted more regret. C had tedious tasks, but nothing extraordinary. What I noticed, by working with them, is that they lack patience, and purposefully choose the more complex path to complete a labor. The stress they suffered was only theirs, as if they meticulously searched for reasons to be stressed out. The instance that really bothered C was that they invited someone over to a restricted area. The day before, we had the issue of non-staff personnel coming over to that area, so C knew it was not permitted. However, A authorized that C could bring that certain guest into the area. B later noticed, and kicked the guest out and scolded C. But the problem, other than B greatly limiting the enjoyment of the event, is that C knew that was going to happen yet ignored it completely. B was so rigid, inflexible, and because A permitted the action did not mean at all that B would, and everybody knew that would be the case. No matter how douchey it seemed, it was well known B would do that, including C. Yet C was so angry at that, and took it personally. Again, we supported them because we all disliked B.

Days later, both were still obsessed with B's regret. Yet for B everything was over, and that was the correct mindset. There was absolutely no use or benefit of A and C still looking for their revenge. Today, it still serves absolutely no purpose. They said it was feedback for B's own benefit, but it was nowhere near that at all. It was purely a tantrum of two people who felt offended by another. It could have been all so easily resolved by just letting B know they wouldn't be able to coordinate again, and THAT IS IT. They knew that if they involved a higher authority, they could not provide any concrete evidence of B's mistakes, only personal feelings towards them. The rest was all a personal grudge because of their damaged egos who led them to persecute someone who didn't even care anymore. They wanted to let B know their "mistakes" so that B could feel bad, just as B made them feel. And it served absolutely no purpose. People like B never, ever, accept their mistakes. They do not acknowledge them, and they do not become a better person because of it. I told A many times that this "feedback" would serve to naught, but they didn't listen. Instead, here we are, with the team in shambles because of personal pursuit of vengeance, and because I was relatively neutral and like to laugh in the face of adversity, I was also caught in the crossfire.

A was so weirdly immature and shameful, begging B to apologize and then raging because B didn't accept their mistakes or A's effort.

B was so selfish and egocentric, refusing to even face the team and just ignoring any kind of criticism, to the point of even shifting the blame onto others.

C was unnecessarily chaotic and vengeful. They knew they were breaking the rules and then got angry for getting caught. Ridiculous.

And me? Well, I got fucked by everyone because I like to make people, and myself, laugh in tense situations. I do not believe there is a scenario that is too serious where you can't laugh, and I had to pay for that. I supported A and C through most of their vengeful odyssey, but by the end I felt more in a neutral ground, almost feeling pity for B.

The main takeaway is that this adage of revenge served no fucking purpose at all other than fueling A and C's necessity for retribution. This could have been resolved so easily and smoothly, but they both badly wanted to make B suffer, and this will never resolve until all three of them recognize their own intentions.

[atlasphoebus]

READINGS - STARRY MESSENGER: COSMIC PERSPECTIVES ON CIVILISATION

Written by internationally renown and celebrated astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, Starry Messenger: Cosmic Perspectives on Civilisation goes beyond the notion of the individual and the human lifespan. While we live in a world where are constantly told that it is all about us, that we are the main character and the center of our own universe, Starry Messenger pushes the reader to expand their perspective to that so far outer than our own planet that we become indistinguishable and, while not unimportant in ourselves, unimportant to the universe as a whole and in deep time. Instead of viewing human beings as the be all end all of evolution and of life, as the smartest and most powerful living things on the planet and our solar system, it illustrates the reality that we, in fact, are not. That we are still animals, and just a small segment within the great expanse of the cosmos. That our things that we hold as superficially important, the time we invest in these things while peace, happiness and fortune evades as, as we actively destroy our planet, none of this is important. And, if life really did exist outside of Earth, and was advance enough to travel to view us, it would be so far beyond us in intellect that we would mean nothing to it. If we know that a chimpanzee has the same perceived cognitive ability as a human four year old, and we know the difference in mental capability that a four year old has to a 33 year old, imagine what the difference would be between ourselves and an alien species of which we can only measure to one of their four year old children. The cosmic perspective goes beyond the trivialities of daily life, and focuses on the beauty of the expanse of life, death, birth, destruction, natural disaster, evolution and the infinity and finiteness of the universe. I feel personally that even before reading this book, a huge thing that helped me from my depression was becoming a part of the cosmic perspective. So many of my interests lay within realms that make my individual life so small, like natural history, deep time, microbiology, and astronomy that the macro and the micro seem to wipe out any significance or permanence of the self, which I find very calming. So to read an entire book about it was to expand upon what I had already come to know, and felt very validating. It also operates as a kind of vessel for thoughts around the liminal, that there is so much grey area within the universe, and so little black and white, that binary ecology becomes so insignificant and purposeless. There is so much that exists outside these parameters that we create through human intervention and perception, especially in a historically Christian influenced Western world, and it brings me so much joy to be able to relish in the in between of the cosmos itself.

[dancingamongstdust]

Can you write a tsukishima kei X reader where they both tease eachother but don't realise that they have feelings for eachother. Then tsukishima says something really offensive to reader and she gets really upsets and ignores him, he then realizes his feelings for her?

I struggled writing this but it was actually quite fun! Thank you for the request.

Teasing was something fun. The tumbling words were light and playful, hinting at something more but never letting their secrets free.

You lived for the flash of annoyance in Tsukishima’s hazel eyes; a small smirk always betraying that he enjoyed the banter. Whether you were speaking to him or commenting loud enough to draw his attention, he would turn to you fully and respond in kind. Though his words dripped in sarcasm, you never took them personally.

Perhaps you should have. Your comments never held any malice and you always strayed away from actual insults.

Tsukishima didn’t quite understand that part of your game.

Some of the things that he said stung. In those times, you’d just flip him off and pretend to go about your day without a second thought. But they did bother you.

Enough to find you standing in front of your mirror and glaring at your reflection as though it could give you the answers. Everything about your relationship with Tsukishima was frivolous. You had never held a real conversation. He was just a stupidly confident man with a sharp tongue and honeyed hair. His glasses were ridiculous, his taste in music was poor, and his eyes were the type of golden brown that snatched your breath from your lungs.

You groaned and turned away from your reflection.

Why did you have to fall for him?

Was it because of his voice and the soft edge that lay beneath its harsh words? Perhaps the gentleness of his movements had drawn your attention. He never looked out of place and you envied him that.

You contemplated telling him initially but decided against it. Getting a better feel of his attitude towards you would help before any misguided confessions slipped out.

That lasted until the next day.

“I know I shouldn’t be expecting anything intelligent to come from you but think things through a little more before you speak.”

Tsukishima glanced down at you as he passed, the hint of a smile on his lips. The insult wasn’t meant. He had often mocked your intelligence before to little response – after all, he knew that you didn’t get easily offended.

This time though, you didn’t immediately respond and when you did, it was just a slight jab about something trivial.

He turned around to look back at you but you had hurried off somewhere.

Shrugging that off, he continued on his day until the next time he saw you. When he did, he waited for the retaliation.

And waited.

And waited.

He was so focused on listening out for your snide comment that he didn’t even pay attention to his other conversation. Yamaguchi, thankfully, didn’t need an active participant in his discussion. He only seemed minorly confused by Tsukishima’s confusion before continuing.

Once you’d left, he sighed and said, “Maybe it’s been a bad day.”

Tsukishima glanced over his shoulder to confirm you hadn’t walked back in. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You didn’t, like, call her a bitch, right?”

“What? Obviously not.”

Yamaguchi shrugged. “Then don’t worry so much about it. She’ll be back to normal soon.”

Tsukishima scoffed, electing to pretend the conversation was unimportant. He changed the topic onto something that was more in his area of expertise but his thoughts kept hanging on you. It irritated him to no end and he spent the rest of the day snapping a little too harshly at everybody.

The next day went no better.

He waited to hear your voice, having never realised before how well he knew it. It was something missing from his day and he didn’t even know why.

“It’s not my fault if she’s going to be sensitive about stupid stuff,” he stated when Yamaguchi next commented about your unusual silent treatment.

“Nope. Some people are just soft.”

“You’re one of those people,” Tsukishima had retorted. He meant it mockingly though any kind of rudeness had little effect on his best friend. It was part of who he was… he had really believed you understood that.

Yamaguchi tried to move on but Tsukishima continued with his complaints.

“Why would she just suddenly start taking offense to things?”

“Maybe you hit a nerve.”

“How was I meant to know she was touchy about her intelligence? Anyway, it was days ago. She should be over it by now.”

“If it’s bothering you that much, just say sorry.”

“It’s not bothering me.”

He wasn’t stupid – of course, it was – but he was hardly about to tell somebody that. You were nobody to him and your lack of comments was an absolute relief. In fact, he was rather happy that you had decided to finally take the hint.

A whole month passed and he stopped waiting to hear your voice. His stubbornness kept any apology away from you, even though one accidental meetup in the hall had nearly drawn one out. It was honestly ridiculous, he had nothing to apologise about.

He could apologise just to have you speak to him again… Tsukishima quickly chased away that traitorous thought. It was rare for him to apologise for things that actually required it, let alone for nonsense like this. A simple fact that everybody he complained to seemed to directly refute.

Just apologise. Just apologise. Like he cared enough to do so.

It took him another two months to realise why he minded so much. Why he was still hung up on you despite your supposed non-importance.

He had been walking with Yamaguchi when they passed a flower store, the place having a special on roses for your loved ones. Yamaguchi had decided to get some and for a split second, Tsukishima had touched the petals and considered buying some for you.

He pulled his hand away as though it had been burned.

“Normally you get fifteen for a situation like this.”

He scoffed at Yamaguchi. “You really need to deal with your obsession about this woman.”

Tsukishima didn’t buy fifteen roses but he realised then what it was about you that bothered him so. And he absolutely hated the conclusion that he came to.

He stepped in front of you the next day, drawing your attention to him (though he didn’t know that it rarely left). “Why are you ignoring me?” he asked.

“I’m not?” It sounded like a question, even to you.

Tsukishima wasn’t going to argue with you about it. He just raised an eyebrow and waited for you to sigh and continue.

“I’m just… I…”

“Wow that explains it very well.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Would it kill you to say something nice?”

“Since when have we ever been nice to each other?” he asked.

Of course you didn’t have an answer for that. You had never been ‘nice’ to each other – at least not in the way most people would consider nice. But the thing was, those moments still came to your memory fondly.

“You know, I always made sure never to actually insult you,” you said.

“I never actually insulted you.”

“Yes, you did,” you pointed out. “You’re constantly pointing out how stupid I am or how uncoordinated I am or whatever!”

“It’s not like I meant them.”

That tripped you up a little. Tsukishima’s height had you looking up at him, his expression entirely unchanged. Why would he have said things that weren’t true? It wasn’t like you had even initiated this entire taunt exchange way back when you had first met. Sure, you had responded but it was his comment on your hair that had gotten to you.

“You didn’t… what?”

Tsukishima stared at you like you were stupid. “It’s not my fault if you choose to take things personally but get over it a bit quicker, would you?”

It wasn’t an apology, not by a long shot, but it was enough to explain something that you couldn’t quite pinpoint yourself. Tsukishima wanted to talk to you. Even if he thought you were being childish, his main problem lay in your sudden silent treatment.

“We’re not friends,” you said.

“No.”

“So why do you care if we’re talking or not?”

He shrugged. “I don’t.”

He did. Of course he did. Part of him wanted to say that but his pride just wouldn’t allow it. Thankfully, the message seemed to get through to you regardless.

“Do you want to go out for lunch?” you offered.

“Why would I ever want to do that?”

You smiled, noticing the small smirk’s appearance on his face. “Tomorrow. At 12.”

“Fine.”

Tsukishima left you standing there, refusing to glance back even if he wanted to. He told himself it was because he didn’t care and it had nothing to do with the uncharacteristic smile on his face.

[seriouslysam8]

Can I ask something bluntly? Why do some people here in the comments act so... strange and weird about unimportant stuff? I remember when you first started Legerdemain and it was all great and amazing and people interacting here on you blog was a cherry on to top and fans were actually asking thought-provoking and interesting questions, but after some time it got... weird.

Suddenly all that was important was:

- "No X Character has the biggest and most veiny dick!"

- "Nooo I'm gonna cry because that's not fair to the Y Character! Y Character has the most beautiful humongous dick! And amazing abs! I'm gonna cry if Sam doesn't confirm this!"

Suddenly all that everyone stressed about was: dick size, ass size, attractiveness, height and other trivial stuff.

At first it was all just a good fun, people were mostly joking but honestly I think the tone has shifted after a while. Now, a lot of these people seem genuinely stressed and horrified if their fave character isn't the Best at Everything, which I find both hilarious and weird at the same time.

Can I ask the fandom something? Is dick size/height/physical looks THAT important to you in fictional characters? Are we all really that shallow?

I mean, I know that physical looks are important to some degree but honestly I've seen people here arguing vehemently more about character's genitals rather than their actions/goals/thoughts, which makes me believe you have a very young (I'm guessing female) audience who think having the biggest penis is the most important thing in the world.

Like I said, it was fun at first but I think it got out of hand fast because everyone got so competitive over their fave characters. (Ironically a lot of these people were acting like George, who's main obsession and goal in life was to see Harry's dick so maybe the fans took inspiration from him XD)

Does it bother you sometimes that you receive (forgive me for saying) rather stupid and childish questions about this stuff? That people basically throw virtual temper tantrums if you even slightly disagree with their handcanons about X Y Z's stuff? It sounds so exhausting.

I want to start off by saying I appreciate everyone who reads my stories. I appreciate all of your asks on tumblr. I downright fucking love you if you take the time to write a review and you are my special superstars that I want to hug and squeeze the living daylights out of you.

But this ask hit me hard because it’s something I’ve been feeling for awhile.

Honestly, I don’t know why there is such a fixation about it on my tumblr. I’m not a smut writer and the only thing I can think of is because I dabbled in smut in Legerdemain and in Brio. But it has turned me off to writing smut, to be completely honest. Since I haven’t been writing smut in Legerdemain anymore, I’ve noticed a decrease in not only those asks but in general traction and reviews with the story as a whole which is disappointing.

I’m not going to lie, I do get tired of the dick debate. I’ve said before I don’t have that stuff in my character charts and I don’t really think too much on it. Writing smut was a fun exercise and the initial discussion was fun and interesting… until my opinion was wrong and I wasn’t allowed to have that opinion so I was bombarded with asks to convince me otherwise. Then there were complaints that I didn’t make him big enough or I can’t have James being as big as Albus and Harry or I can’t have Albus bigger or they can’t be a normal big but have to be really fucking big. At the end of the day, I just didn’t care so I just said whatever and put less of that in my stories so it wouldn’t be talked about as much. It was fun at first with the jokes from George or even the debate at first on tumblr, but some of the fun did get sucked out of it.

In short, I get disheartened by it. If I was a smut writer, it would be more on par with my writing. But I don’t write smut. I write angst and complicated storylines. I feel like sometimes nobody cares about the amount of work and effort it takes to write such complicated storylines because I get asked constantly when the next smut scene is or people say the Hinny fandom doesn’t care what the storyline is as long as they’re having lots and lots of sex. So, I don’t know. It is frustrating at times and I wonder why I even post very complicated and complex storylines because very few of my readers seem to fully appreciate it.

[nikkywrites]

Find The Word Tag 22

Thanks for the tag @sleepyowlwrites! My words are ungrateful, uncomfortable, unpleasant, unasked, unopened and unseen, though I had to take out the 'un' from a few. All from LAWLB.

Grateful

The Deep Queen believes later to mean a great deal of time later and perhaps she is right, with most beings. Calypso is rarely accused of being like most, however. And she should know that. Expect things like this.

If she didn't -- well, it wasn't Calypso's problem, only her amusement.

She twists herself upright, angling for Amphitrite's palace, sat above on higher sea floor a healthy distance away. Distance she'd been unsure about at first but is overwhelmingly grateful for now. She requires distance from Poseidon and she requires Amphitrite nowadays, since she wed.

Uncomfortable

Calypso approaches and muses his hair. "I know where your boundaries are, Little Death," she says. "I am not callous enough to cross them."

"You get awfully close."

"I do not cross them," she repeats. That is the important bit. Her approach of where he became uncomfortable was negligible because she was wise enough not to cross it.

He bends his neck to plop his head on her shoulder. "You are exhausting to deal with."

Unpleasant

"I like you," Styx decides.

"I heard you didn't like much of anyone."

"Then you're an exception."

Calypso considers that. "I like you well enough as well. Though I'm afraid it will not lead to much. As you said, you are bound to the Underworld and I am bound to the mortal's realm.

Styx rolls her eyes. "Why must my approval of you lead somewhere?" Because it would be a marvelous thing, the Goddess of the Dead River and Vows working alongside the Goddess of Sea and Ruin. The trouble they could make. "I am not looking for a bedfellow to keep my shore warm. I simply stated that you are not unpleasant."

"Ah," Calypso clicks her tongue. "That's where you are wrong. I am very unpleasant."

Asked

His look is, well, much the same. A sadness. A weight. "What does it matter to you the day I've had?"

"Nothing. But if you'd like, I've been told I've a knack for making them better."

The fact that the people's live she ends up bettering enough for them to admit to it, or Primordial above, thank her for it, were quite firmly in the realm of sadness before her arrival was just coincidence, surely. It's not like she had a heart (three, actually, when in Kraken skin, but whoever asked for unimportant details like that?) that cared to seek out the melancholy for her to attempt to brighten up.

No. Surely not.

Just a common-adjacent coincidence.

She was Calypso and Kraken, after all, and her people and others unrelated alike know that she does not possess the capability to care about trivial things like emotional states of mortals who are just going to end up dead one day, perhaps by her own hand.

Opened

She was made from no mother, had no being to coddle or teach her when she opened her eyes to all things she did not know and the one she did and all of herself comes from no other.

Seen

“I should be going,” she says, though her plan isn’t really to go anywhere at all. If Amphitrite had dropped the matter after the first reply, perhaps she’d make her way there to see what the fuss was. But now? She was demanding and Calypso wasn’t in the mood.

She could wait.

“Oh?” Leucothea seems taken aback by the declaration, surprised.

It is kindness Thanatos has fostered in her that bids her smooth over the other goddess. “Not of any reproach. Simply we are two busy goddesses and we’ve seen most of Apollo’s travel away.”

“Oh.” Softer, understanding. A glance at the sun Apollo is charioting across the sky, quickly-slowly approaching horizon and Artemis’ rise. “You’re right.” Gentle exasperation, silent of course, you always notice everything that surrounds you. How is your attention so sharply wide?

“Don’t fret. I will see you soon and if you’ve something you must say, you can try your luck at calling me."

Tagging (with no pressure and anyone can hop in): @dragon-with-a-pen @toomanyassassins @meanderer125 and @moonyjulian to find the words demand, declaration, order, request and urge.

[wallwriterstuff]

Get It? ‘Cause Your Old? ||Felix Volturi x Reader||

Warnings: A bit of swearing, some mild angst and mentions of insecurity. 

Words: 2728

Summary: Felix is very touchy about his age, so how is the reader going to show him it really doesn’t matter to them?

Since meeting your mate you had gotten to know him rather well, quirks and all. Felix was a summer baby. He liked to swim in his spare time. He had degrees in graphic design, architectural design and electrical engineering, because (though he had learned since becoming immortal) he still found reading and writing quite difficult and preferred more creative subjects he could use his hands for. He loved the smell of lilacs, but hated the colour purple after coming across Barney the Dinosaur once in a shopping mall where the toy store had a character visit occurring. Your absolute favourite fact about your mate was his age however, and it was your favourite fact because you didn’t really know it.

“Are you kidding me? The Romans! Felix you’re not just old you’re ancient!”

“And you are obnoxious, shortness.”

Felix did not find this fact as amusing as you did.

You had begged and pleaded to figure out when his birthday was, determined to see if you could make one of those Happy Birthday banners where the number was replaced with question marks. He had refused to tell you with a knowing gleam in his eye, his expression stern. He’d found rather creative ways to shut you up. In fact, it had become a habit you realised, that every time you brought up the topic he found some way to silence you.

“I just don’t understand! I don’t want to do anything mean, I just want to make sure he has a good birthday! I mean, you lot never celebrate anything. Who do I have to kill to get some balloons around here?” You huffed, resting your elbows on your knees and dropping your chin into your hands. Since the Guard were away on a mission you had been left alone in the castle for the past three days, the secretaries too temporary for you to seek comfort in and the other vampires too aloof to consider human company any company at all. Santiago was the only exception to this rule, as he trained with Felix often and therefore ended up spending a lot of time with you as a by product of your presence in the training room. You never really saw anything per say since they moved so fast but occasionally, they slowed down to practice techniques and gave you a good view of the complex moves your mate could manage.

“You have to realise that we don’t really place the same value on birthdays as you do,” Santiago reminded you, “To some of us, we’ve had so many they’ve simply lost meaning, for others they are reminders of things we would like to forget.” Your brows furrowed. Who would want to forget their own birthday? Birthdays were so much fun! You spent them with friends and family eating good food and doing things you loved...

“You want to forget your own birthday?” you asked, the confusion evident in your voice. Santiago tilted his head.

“You forget most of us were born when your birth status dictated your lot in life. Some of us were born poor and we lost loved ones young, others of us were forced to marry young.” He pointed out. It was definitely food for thought. Felix had been born a really long time ago and you really had no gauge as to what life might have been like for him as a human; hell, you weren’t even sure Felix remembered what his life had been like. Santiago chuckled, clearly following your line of thought, and you couldn’t help but stick your tongue out at him.

When Felix returned to your side two days later you were quieter than usual. You couldn’t bring yourself to just forget about your conversation with Santiago. If Felix noticed he didn’t say anything but there was an increased amount of physical affection that let you know, in his own silent way, he wasn’t sure what was wrong with you but he wanted you to feel better. Simple things like a squeeze of your hand here and there or a tender brushing of a hand along your hair. It took you almost another week before you cracked.

“Why won’t you tell me your birthday?” you asked, curled into his side as you watched a movie together one evening. Felix tensed ever so slightly.

“Is that what you’ve been moping about the place for? Really?” he sounded both incredulous and exasperated, like he wished you’d drop the topic and couldn’t believe you hadn’t. Your tenacity was something he did want to admire but by god did you obsess over the most trivial things. Bobbing your head you sat up, frowning slightly.

“I was talking to Santiago about it and he said that maybe-“

“You shouldn’t have bothered speaking to any about it. It’s not worth wasting your time over.” Felix said firmly. You recoiled at that, not expecting his tone to be quite so sharp. Maybe Santiago was right and Felix didn’t enjoy remembering his birthday, but if that was the case all he needed to do was say! He didn’t need to get snappy about it. You sat up, turning your gaze away from Felix and towards the fire in the hearth.

“It’s my time, I’ll waste it how I like.” You muttered.

“I didn’t bargain to give you more time as a human for such trivial things, you wanted to finish your degree remember? I don’t see much work going towards that recently since your brain is so occupied by the unimportant.” Felix’s comment was almost snide, and you couldn’t help the hurt that ripped through you. You immediately scooted away from him, pushing up off of the sofa and moving to grab your bookbag. Felix sighed. “Now where are you going?” he asked.

“The library, I’ll sleep there to since I’m wasting so much time elsewhere.” You bit back.

“Now you’re being ridiculous,” Felix huffed, flitting to stand in front of you, “This isn’t something we need to argue about, let’s just – Y/N!” you pushed past him and made for the door, determined that he wouldn’t see the tears welling in your eyes. You knew he hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but his words had implied just how worthless your humanity was to him. You had thought there were perhaps things about your human self he enjoyed; he commented on your warmth when he held you often, and how quiet the room would be without your heartbeat. Was this really the only reason you were as you were? Your education was the only reason he cared about your humanity? You had hoped at least one of your qualities would take the top spot on the list of ‘Top 10 Things to Love About Y/N’!

Felix didn’t follow you, and you didn’t bother to return to your room either, your stubbornness winning out as you did exactly what you said you would. It was Alec who found you, curled up on your side on the sofa in front of the fire. It was the only thing keeping you warm considering you had forgotten a jacket or blanket of any kind but your pride wouldn’t let you go back for one.

“I’m almost certain Felix has a bed in his room that is more than suitable to sleep in.” Alec quipped. You scowled at him, irritated by your inability to get a proper nights rest and the fact Felix had just let you walk away from such a stupid argument. He’d not come to find you either, though you hadn’t exactly gone to find him either.

“We’re fighting.” You grumbled. Alec’s head tilted.

“About what exactly?” he asked.

“Stupid stuff.” You curled up tighter with a shiver. Alec snorted.

“So your resolution is to freeze in the library all night? Are humans selectively stupid?” he wondered.

“Not you to!” you complained, “There’s nothing wrong with being human!”

“Ah, and we get to the crux of the problem.” He chuckled, leafing through the books to decide which he wanted to read tonight. Your scowl only darkened. It was no secret that your humanity was not favoured among the residents of Volterra and you really couldn’t be bothered for another argument with the witch twin about the perks of remaining mortal.

“If you’re here you’re not in your room, right?” you asked. Alec faced you with the most dead-eyed stare you’d ever seen, and if you hadn’t known the boy any better you might have feared for your life in that moment.

“An astute observation, allow me to counter. If I return to my room and find you in it, I’ll show you exactly why it doesn’t pay to be human here.” He promised. You all but ran from the room, leaving your book bag behind as collateral damage, and Felix welcomed you back silently with nothing more than a nod. You ignored him in favour of getting ready for bed, grateful for the warm covers and completely unaware of the way the giant pressed a feather light kiss to your head as you slept with a mumbled apology his pride wouldn’t let you hear.  

It had been almost a month since the day you had met when you were hit by the brainwave that seemed to just…solve everything. It had been purely accidental. You had gone shopping, in need of some new socks, when you saw them. They were nothing spectacular, just plain black with some little green dinosaurs all over them, but the moment you had thought of what a funny little present they would be for your ancient-ass mate you had realised that they could be a birthday present.

Who said Felix needed to tell you his actual birthday? Your stupid fight a few days ago was still causing tension and it needed to be resolved; since the big dummy didn’t want to back down it seemed you (as loathe as you were to do so) would have to. You had everything you needed by the time you arrived back at the castle, completely forgetting what you had gone out for originally of course, and hurried back to your room to prepare your surprise for him. You had had helium balloons pumped up that said Happy Birthday on the side, but you crossed out the birth part and scribbled in sharpie beneath the printed message so the balloon read Happy Birthday we met instead. You had snagged an anniversary banner and some wrapping paper of course for his socks, including a card and some cake for yourself.

You just had to wait for your mate to finish his guard duty for the day.

With your slice of cake in hand, you had curled up on the sofa to eat it and watch some old reruns of your favourite sci-fi shows while you waited, not daring to look up and see his reaction when you finally heard the door open. There was a very long moment of silence where you dared not even swallow before he finally spoke.

“Happy day we met?” he questioned finally. He stood just in front of the door, his eyebrows raised and impressive arms folded. You merely nodded once and held out your present to him in silence. His eyes betrayed his surprise but he didn’t comment on it as he came to sit beside you. He went to open the envelope attached to the colourful paper and you reached out to stop him.

“Present first.” You insisted. Felix’s eyes rolled but he obeyed, tearing away the paper to reveal his dinosaur socks. There was a pregnant pause as he digested the meaning.

“Really?”

“Just open the damn card next.” You huffed. Neither you nor your mate were very good at speaking about how you felt, but writing…well that you could do. Felix took his time, and you knew better than to interrupt him since it took him so much effort to read simple things. You suspected he had never been taught as a human and was probably dyslexic, so when he turned and the Volturi tried to teach him to read he very much struggle; it was less learning and more remembering what words were supposed to look like, and since those words looked wrong reading was not his most favourite thing to do. The silence stretched and you wondered if perhaps you’d written too much in your card, but just as you were about to speak up Felix disappeared from your sight. Your jaw dropped, your eyes bugging slightly. What the hell did that mean? Was that an outright rejection? Did he still not get what you were trying to do?

“Y/N.” his voice was soft behind you, and you turned to find him down on one knee with a velvet box in hand. Your eyes widened and you scrambled to your feet with a dry mouth.

“Whoa whoa whoa Felix I know I just wrote the L word and all but a ring is-“

“Just open it you idiot.” He smiled slightly as you swallowed past the lump in your throat and hesitantly reached for the box. There was a beautiful silver band inside, very plain, but there was an infinity symbol intwined around it that was studded with tiny diamonds that glistened in the light the same way his skin did. Your eyes widened. It was gorgeous, and after the way you’d treated him it felt entirely undeserved.

“Felix…” you trailed off.

“I had it inscribed.” He told you. You very gently pulled the promise ring from its cushion and tilted it till you could see the word he’d had painstakingly etched into the metal.

Forever.

Felix stood till he was towering over you once more, his touch tender and soft as he carefully slid the ring on to your middle finger. His brows were somewhat furrowed, and he didn’t meet your eyes, but he didn’t let go of your hands either.

“Are you still mad at me?” you asked. Felix sighed.

“I was foolish to ever argue with you to being with, neither of us put forward our arguments clearly enough to see there was nothing to argue about.” he admitted, thumb stroking over your knuckles.

“I’m sorry for being so stubborn, I just wanted to celebrate you…you’re kind of cool so…” you stumbled over your words, blushing slightly. Felix chuckled, his free hand moving up to trace your blush with the backs of his knuckles. You leaned into his touch, understanding the gesture as a silent moment of appreciation for you. While he leaned in to kiss the top of your head, you gazed down adoringly at your ring.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive, I should have told you outright. I really don’t know my birthday since we didn’t have calendars, but I lived as a slave. Every year I prayed to my Gods to deliver me from my servitude, and with every winter that passed I remained a slave.” Felix confessed quietly. You pulled him into a tight hug, burying your face in his chest. It was really no wonder Felix had gotten so defensive, they were not the best memories to have, fuzzy or not.

“I’m sorry,” You mumbled, “I don’t care how old you are, and I won’t bug you about your birthday anymore, I just…wanted you to know how much you meant to me.” His chuckle vibrated through your skull.

“There will be plenty of anniversaries for us to come, shortness. I never meant to hurt you by implying I didn’t care for your human self. There are many things about you I will miss when you turn, but the sooner you do the sooner I can start forever with you…patience has never been my strong suit.” He tilted your chin upward, red eyes boring into yours as his lips inched closer.

“Truce?” you whispered. He hummed in agreement, thoroughly distracted by the way he moulded his mouth to yours in a slow, sweet kiss. With forever at your fingertips you would find plenty of way to celebrate your mate, but for now you would carry on into this blissful little part of your promised forever, savouring the little ways you were learning to love the dinosaur that had decided out of all those he’d met over centuries of existence, you were the one he wanted to keep at his side.  

[flickeringart]

The Megxit Drama

A peek at Meghan Markle’s chart

The British Royal Family has certainly been the subject of dramatic events recently – Prince Harry and Meghan Markle doing an interview with Oprah in order to explain their break with “family”, royal duties and royal life – revealing quite unsavory things sufficient to depict the firm, staff and members of the family in a bad light. Essentially, Meghan was retelling her traumatic experiences of being treated unfairly, feeling trapped, being subjected to racism, getting no help in times of emotional crisis and robbed of freedom, while her husband Harry passively went along confirming all of it. Whatever the truth is, they certainly painted themselves as victims – compassionate and good-natured. They attempted to remain respectful to the people involved in the story, yet if actions speak louder than words, they certainly weren’t particularly “respectful” by throwing the Royal Family under the bus with this interview. The couple has gotten a lot of backlash as people are disinclined to buy their narrative, partly because both seem to be quite self-serving under the guise of selflessness. Meghan made it clear during the interview that she didn’t know much about life as royalty and went into it all surprisingly clueless, almost setting herself up for disappointment. One could assume that by committing to such a structured existence as becoming a royal, that one would do the homework and at the very least expect to give up the privilege of being “an ordinary person” in favor of being of service. The British Monarchy obviously has symbolic value more than anything else, which is not to say that it’s unimportant or trivial. Symbols carry meaning and the Royal Family upholds that meaning through attempting to embody it physically. The members are not supposed to be inflated and begin to believe that they in and of themselves are princes and princesses or whatever titles they are given. They are supposed to serve the titles rather than the titles serving them.  In becoming a part of this symbol of divine reign, one merges with something far greater than the limited self. One serves to uphold an image that is immortal, ancient and has a function in the psyche of the British people. I dare assume that Meghan didn’t fully grasp this concept and went into it all with far more attitude than people would like – perhaps understandably so considering her lack of experience of monarchy. Prince Harry seemingly got pulled along with it all, presumably wanting to rescue his wife from that which killed his mother while piggybacking on the momentum of the situation and metaphorically breaking free from the “limiting container” of the institution. Harry said in the interview that he felt sorry for his father and his brother being trapped by their roles, which seems like a desperate attempt to try to gain some significance, to end up in the role of the hero and avoid living in the “shadow” of more prominent members of the family. People generally seek significance in some way and will come up with the most creative attempts to cast themselves in the role of superiority, whether it’s through victimhood, humility, bravery, sacrifice or anything else that elevates the self in some way. Whether someone’s behavior stems from an attempt to make up for the lack within or not can be hard to spot, but considering the skepticism the interview has been met with – and the scrutiny (and ridicule) that it has been exposed to – it is safe to say that people’s gut feeling tells them that something is not quite right.

(The chart of Meghan Markle on astrotheme.com)

Meghan Markle has been accused of a lot of things, of twisting the truth, of exaggerating in order to further her own agenda, of being self-serving and manipulative. Some call her “narcissistic” – which is the “usual” label thrown at anyone who lacks genuine care for others, stirs up drama and drags other people through the mud in order to benefit themselves. However, her behavior might not be intentional, but compulsive. After all, no one is 100% sure of why they’re the way they are, whether it’s deemed good or bad by society at large. Where the line is drawn between intentional and unintentional is unclear, yet the odors of shady business and dishonorable motives can be sensed – and people don’t usually like being “sold” something that isn’t what it seems. Generally people don’t appreciate being deceived, which is obviously why the backlash has been so extreme.

She has quite a charming and radiating outer appearance, which is typical of someone with their Sun in the 1st, and in its domicile at that. She also has the sweet and innocent “puppy eyed” look of a Cancer Rising, which displays emotion and vulnerability. It’s not surprising that she pursued an acting career before meeting Harry. The spotlight-seeking Leo Sun in the 1st house of self, the Moon-Saturn-Jupiter stellium in the artistic sign of Libra in the 3rd house of communication and (inter)action, as well as the boundless imaginative Neptune in the 5th house of creativity all contribute to the personality of the actress. Considering that she has an emphasis on Leo and Libra, it’s safe to say that she was in it for the refinement, admiration and class that being an actress could provide. She thrives on positive attention, and is undoubtedly sensitive to discord. With a Cancer Rising and a Libra Moon, she craves gentility and fairness, for everything to be “ok” socially. Cancer is a cardinal sign, and although it’s quite emotional, it’s also very active and motivated to create safety for the self. It does this by avoiding direct confrontation, of appealing to people’s caring side. There’s nothing wrong with this, but people might feel as if the Cancer Rising person’s innocence is “put on”. In the interview, Meghan had no problem displaying her own weakness and emphasizing her own vulnerability. She used these attributes to gain esteem, whereas another person of a different nature, with different archetypes protruding, would’ve felt humiliated leading life with that energy. Her Moon is her chart ruler, which makes her emotions the primary focus – in other words her subjective experiences, mutual care, needs and requirements is particularly emphasized in her life. The Moon is in Libra, the cardinal air sign that strives for balance and justice and awareness - especially as it relates to interpersonal relationships. Libra is famous for wanting to keep everything “civilized” and “respectful”. The tight Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction in this sign points to emotional exaggeration (Jupiter) and restriction (Saturn). By entering into a relationship/business deal (Libra) she experienced harshness around her emotions (Moon-Saturn) on a grand scale (Jupiter). On a side note, Capricorn rules the 7th house, indicating that she encounters discipline and structure through partnership. The institution and structure (Saturn) that she entered into through her marriage with Harry (Capricorn in the 7th) would challenge her emotions (Moon) and it put limits on her freedom (Jupiter-Saturn) and affected her overall health (Sagittarius in the 6th).

Meghan has an Aries Midheaven, indicating that her career involves breaking new territory, doing her own thing, leading her own way. This usually doesn’t go over very well when attempting to work for authority. The person usually becomes frustrated and eager to venture out on his or her own. This is exactly what has happened. Her Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction in Libra opposes her MC in Aries, which perfectly points to her attempts to keep things civil and non-aggressive (Libra), while coming off as selfish and individualistic to the public (Aries). Aries as a sign is famous for not listening to anyone and moving into unpaved territory, which she certainly has accomplished. The public now sees her as someone who goes her own way – doing her own thing and standing up for herself, for better or for worse. Her Mars is in Cancer, which is why her aggression isn’t direct and rather passively expressed. She has the stereotypical female aggressiveness that implies playing on one’s weakness and hurt in order to wear down the target. It’s also in the 12th house, which hints to it being disowned by the conscious personality. Meghan might have a hard time conceptualizing of herself as a force of impact and might not see how her pent up frustration might become an enemy to herself. She has complained about feeling attacked by the media and this is classic of a 12th house Mars attributing aggressiveness to anything but the self. Attack and unpleasantness seem to flood the person from the unspecified sources, and it can arguable be a horrific experience. In the interview she mentioned feeling suicidal at one point and desperate to not be alone with the threat coming from the outside, her own mind, or both. It’s difficult to attribute the cause to any single factor with planets in the 12th. Mars squares her MC and her Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction which indicates struggle in the psyche concerning her emotional involvement with structure and beliefs, vs. her public image vs. her own fighting spirit. She certainly has confronted and challenged established structure (Mars square Saturn), albeit with an attempt to be “respectful” resulting in a passive-aggressive understanding of everyone’s difficulties and struggles.

The thing that drew her to The Royal Family in the first place must’ve been her Libran urge for class, style, aestheticism and beauty. She undoubtedly found it glamorous and exciting to get to be in the spotlight, to be respected as part of something elevated and glamorous in nature. She probably has a need for spiritual meaning, indicated by her Moon-Jupiter contact – and to have her daily work based on sharing “truth” and “generous” disposal of knowledge gained through experience (Sagittarius in the 6th). She also craves structure and order indicated by her Moon-Saturn contact, which she pursued through partnership (Capricorn in the 7th) with a member of a family with unparalleled saturnian streaks of tradition, custom and regulations. To establish herself within the family would not have been such a terrible idea for her because it could’ve met all of her needs for purpose and order. However, her Mars in the 12th house didn’t allow for this plan to work. One could say that her own self-serving function rebelled after having yielded to outside influences for too long. Planets in the 12th house are usually “given up” to whatever circumstance one is in – which often results in the person acting through being “overcome” by something - pushed into a position of having to act. Meghan declared feeling imposed on by the outside, emotionally unsafe and unwell. The 12th house is the house of self-undoing after all, and her actions might’ve proven to be quite detrimental - perhaps continuing to be. Square aspects, as that between her Mars and Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction stimulates action because it’s indicative of friction. She had to fight (Mars) for her needs (Moon), control and integrity (Saturn) and for her beliefs (Jupiter).

[chameleonwritess]

Never Been Kissed

Series: Sanders Sides

Pairing: Moceit (Janus/Patton) (minor Logince)

“I dare you to kiss Patton,” Roman grinned.

“Truth,” Janus changed his mind.

“Do you want to kiss Patton?”

“Pass,” Janus spluttered.

“The game doesn’t work like that,” Virgil pointed out, unhelpfully.

Words: 2923

Read on AO3

It had started with a stupid truth or dare game. Janus was having a legitimate breakdown over a game of truth or dare. Curse the fateful day that the other sides had begun to accept him.

If it weren’t for the fear of being stuck with the company of Remus and only Remus again for eternity, Janus would leave them.

Only, he wouldn’t really, because even despite being the cause of Janus’s current predicament (although it could also be blamed on Roman), he’d never leave Patton. Not now. Not ever, if he had anything to say about it.

Patton, who smiled as brightly as the sun when Janus walked into a room. Patton, who laughed softly when Janus messed up baking cookies and smeared cookie dough on the end of his nose. Patton, who understood what it was like to feel alone, helpless, unwanted and unimportant. Patton, who, despite Janus’s best efforts, had captured his heart.

And now Patton was not only going to figure out that Janus was completely smitten with the bespectacled side, but also realise how pathetically inexperienced at loving another person he was, removing any infinitesimal chance there even was of Patton liking him back. All thanks to a game of truth or dare.

Patton had invited him to join in the game. Janus knew the basics of how to play, thanks to Remus frequently insisting that Janus, Virgil and he play it once upon a time. Still, he was quite sure the version of the game the other sides played would include a lot less biting and a lot less blood than Remus’s version.

The game had started innocently enough. Roman had insisted that they spin a bottle to choose the next player, avoiding any biases in selecting a victim. Janus agreed that it did seem the most efficient solution. The game began with some silly confessions about embarrassing secrets, favourite songs and guilty pleasures.

Of course Roman would be the one to change it up. Logan’s dare for the creative side had resulted in him feeling particularly elated after managing to fit seventeen spoonfuls of Crofter’s in his mouth before he had to swallow and he spun the bottle with enthusiasm, practically causing it to fly directly into Janus’s lap. Roman laughed loudly.

“Looks like it’s chosen you, Janus! Truth or dare?” he asked. Janus had considered the options. Knowing Roman, his dares would likely have Janus doing something ridiculously embarrassing (Virgil was still sporting faint remnants of red lipstick, despite his vehement attempts to remove it, and Patton still looked as though he was feeling sick from the many marshmallows he’d had to shove in his mouth).

Deciding he’d take a gamble that Roman’s truths were slightly more pleasantly… creative… than his dares, Janus replied.

“Truth,” he decided. Regret immediately followed at the wicked smile that flashed across the Prince’s face.

“If you had to kiss one of the sides, who would it be and why?” he asked.

As the embodiment of Deceit, Janus should not have found himself as panicked at the prospect of having to lie his way out. After all, he could hardly open his mouth and declare,

‘Patton, because I’ve been hopelessly in love with him since the very first time he smiled at me.’

“Inventive,” Janus muttered sarcastically to Roman, stalling for time if anything.

“Oh, come on, surely you don’t have to think that hard about it,” Roman complained as the others looked intently at Janus for an answer. He deliberately avoided Patton’s gaze. There was only one way he could answer without admitting every feeling he had tried (and subsequently failed) so hard to suppress.

“There’s only one obvious answer,” Janus started, clearly piquing the others’ interest, “Virgil still has lipstick on his mouth so it’s an automatic no. Logan looks as though he wouldn’t know how to kiss if he read an in-depth instruction pamphlet. Roman, you probably use too much tongue and that’s definitely appealing and Remus would bite me. That only leaves one option.”

Janus paused to look at the others. Virgil looked indifferent, Logan was trying very hard not to seem offended, Roman was failing at not looking offended and Patton… Janus drew in a sharp breath. Patton’s eyes were practically sparkling as he looked at Janus.

“That was a biased answer,” Roman huffed, clearly still salty, but Janus was relieved for the distraction, “I don’t use too much tongue!”

“You do every time you open your mouth,” Virgil protested.

“Besides, Logan can ki- I- nevermind,” Roman cut himself off, flushing distinctly redder. Janus raised his eyebrows and looked between the logical and creative side. Logan’s cheeks were dusted a darker shade than normal, too. Of all the confessions Janus had anticipated coming from this game, that was certainly not one of them.

“What?” Virgil blinked.

“Janus,” Logan interrupted, slightly louder than necessary, “it’s your turn to spin the bottle.”

“Of course,” Janus said, flickering his gaze back across to Patton, who was still glancing at him with a small smile. Janus snapped his eyes away again, quickly, spinning the bottle, instead.

“Logan, truth or dare?” Janus asked when the bottle stopped.

“Dare,” Logan wisely insisted.

The game continued for a few more rounds and Janus had practically forgotten about his previous predicament. He suffered through a couple of dares and another truth until, fatefully, Roman’s spin landed on him once again.

“Truth or dare?” Roman asked, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. Janus had learnt his lesson, this time.

“Dare,” he decided.

“I dare you to kiss Patton,” Roman grinned.

“Truth,” Janus changed his mind.

“Do you want to kiss Patton?”

“Pass,” Janus spluttered.

“The game doesn’t work like that,” Virgil pointed out, unhelpfully.

“I- uh-“ Janus foraged for words he could usually weave together so effortlessly. What was he supposed to do? Kiss Patton and pretend it meant nothing to him? Not kiss Patton and have to explain that it meant too much to him? Explain that he’d never kissed anyone and he refused to let his first kiss be in a truth or dare game?

“You don’t have to, Janus,” Patton’s soft voice said from next to him and a hand landed on his leg. Janus jumped at the contact and Patton retracted his hand quickly. Janus wished he hadn’t- he’d just been surprised at the contact.

“I mean, it’s the rules, so he kind of does,” Roman pointed out, examining his nails for no particular reason.

Patton was looking at Janus with the same soft, understanding smile as always. Janus wanted so badly to lean forward and kiss him, but he couldn’t. Not in front of all the others. Not when he didn’t have a clue what he was doing.

“I- I can’t,” Janus finally spluttered out.

“That’s okay. It’s not a problem,” Patton insisted, but his smile wavered slightly. Janus panicked. Patton had thought Janus didn’t want to kiss him- that he couldn’t bring himself to do it, even for a dare.

“It’s not about you, Patton,” Janus insisted, quickly- quicker than he had meant to, “you’re wonderful, it’s just that I- I don’t- I-“ Janus’s breaths were getting faster as he looked around the room at all of the others. What had he just said in front of them all? What was he about to admit?

“I have to go,” Janus said abruptly and he immediately sunk out of the room.

And that’s how Janus found himself inside his room, his back pressed against the wall, breathing heavily and trying not to cry or have a panic attack.

How pathetic had he become? He couldn’t even complete a dare as trivial as giving someone a quick kiss. Admittedly, that ‘someone’ just happened to be the side he’d fallen in love with, but it didn’t require almost revealing his true feelings to all the others and having to physically leave the room for fear of breaking down.

Janus groaned in frustration and threw his hat across the room, more for dramatic effect than anything. Now Patton was going to think he was repulsed by him or something when it was the literal opposite, but if Janus revealed that, Patton would just be repulsed by him. There was seemingly no way out of the situation in which he didn’t lose Patton. Maybe he was destined for a lifetime of Remus, after all.

A knock at the door snapped Janus out of his self-pitying and caused him to wonder exactly how long he’d been dramatically sliding down the wall onto the floor for.

“Jan? Are you in there?” Patton’s gentle voice called out. Janus’s breath caught in his throat. He glanced in the mirror on his wall quickly, noting that his eyes were still red, the human half of his face was flushed and blotchy and his hair was sticking up slightly. He looked a mess but he couldn’t ignore Patton. Not if the other side wasn’t avoiding him as he’d feared only mere minutes ago.

Janus flattened his hair down, desperately and opened the door, trying to look as blasé as possible. Considering acting was one of his greatest skills, he was doing a notably abysmal job.

“Patton. Hello,” Janus said in an awkward, stilted way.

“Hi,” Patton said, breathlessly, “are you okay? I didn’t want to come straight away in case you needed some time but I didn’t want to leave you by yourself for too long if you weren’t alright. I hope that’s okay.”

Janus nodded.

“Yes, I’m great. Fantastic, even. Please don’t be worried about me,” he lied. Patton raised an eyebrow.

“You tell me off for repressing my negative emotions. I can tell you’ve been crying. And of course, I’m going to be worried about you, silly!” he insisted. Janus blushed a little. He was suddenly relieved that his face was already red.

“I really am okay,” Janus said more earnestly, “I’m sorry about what happened at the game. I just got… flustered.”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Patton insisted, “Roman shouldn’t have pushed you to do something you didn’t want to do. He knows that, now, and no one else has a problem that you didn’t want to do a silly dare!”

“But that’s not true!” Janus blurted out before he could stop himself. Patton’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

“How do you mean?” he asked.

“Never mind,” Janus shook his head, desperately wishing he hadn’t said anything. If he just ended the conversation now, maybe things could go back to normal between him and Patton. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.

“Hey, Janus,” Patton protested gently and as Janus tried to turn around to walk back into his room, a hand encircled his wrist, causing a shock of warmth to jolt through Janus’s body. He immediately froze at the touch. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Patton continued.

Janus closed his eyes and nodded, slowly turning around to face Patton again.

“Is this still about the game or is it something else?” Patton asked, taking both of Janus’s gloved hands in his own now that Janus was facing him again. His touch sent shots of electricity through Janus’s arms. Patton was so free with his touches. Janus wasn’t sure he’d ever be used to it, but he wasn’t complaining.

“It’s just the game,” Janus huffed, “how stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid at all!” Patton insisted and he took a step closer to Janus, his hand reaching up to touch the scaled side of Janus’s face, “do you want to tell me what it was that was the problem. I can tell the others not to do it again and I promise I won’t be offended,” he added with a giggle.

Janus released a shaky breath, both from the effect Patton's closeness was having on his heart and from the nervousness of what he was about to admit.

“I’ve never kissed anyone,” Janus muttered, barely audible. Patton heard, though, if the soft gasp he gave was anything to go by.

“There’s nothing wrong with that! You don’t need to feel embarrassed about it. You know, I’ve never actually kissed anyone, either,” Patton admitted, “and I don’t think I’d want my first kiss to be because someone dared me to kiss a random guy in front of everyone else.”

“Oh,” Janus muttered. He hadn’t considered that Patton might never have kissed anyone. He was just so likeable that Janus had assumed one of the other sides must have wanted to kiss him at some point.

“I won’t tell the others if you don’t want, though,” Patton promised, “it can be our little secret.”

Janus nodded as Patton smiled at him. Why was he still feeling so agitated? Patton wasn’t mad at him, he’d explained why he hadn’t kissed Patton in the game and he hadn’t been forced to admit his true feelings for Patton. He should be feeling calm again.

Apparently, his discomfort was still visible, as Patton’s face contorted into a frown.

“Are you sure that’s it? You still look worried. You know I won’t leave until you’re smiling again,” Patton insisted. Janus cracked a small smile at his insistence, but it wasn’t the genuine smile Patton was referring to. Those smiles were only reserved for Patton, anyway.

“Really, everything is okay now. I’m sorry for freaking out and I’m sorry if Roman’s dare made you uncomfortable. It did include you, too, after all. And I’m sorry if the truth I answered earlier made you uncomfortable, too,” Janus began to say, wondering where all these apologies were suddenly streaming from. He suspected his and Patton’s still adjoined hands had something to do with it. “I’d never want to make you uncomfortable but I probably did. I should have lied instead of trying to be honest. I’m the literal embodiment of Denial.”

“Woah, Janus, slow down, you have no reason to be sorry! I wasn't uncomfortable at all- with anything!” Patton pleaded, his eyes wide. Janus looked at him anxiously. He had not meant to pour out quite that much of his heart. There was something about being with Patton that made him want to be more vulnerable.

“You weren’t?” Janus confirmed. Patton nodded and smiled brightly before a tinge of red crossed his cheeks and he broke eye contact.

“I, uh,” he began, “I really wouldn’t mind if you did want to kiss me.”

Janus’s eyes flew wide with shock. Was Patton implying that he’d be happy for Janus to kiss him?

“But I know you only chose me because you’re not as comfortable around the others! And you were forced to choose for the game, anyway, so I’m not saying you have to, but-“ Patton started to continue, his face growing gradually redder as he did. He looked positively adorable and Janus didn’t think he’d ever been more attracted to the moral side.

“I do want to kiss you,” Janus blurted out, his face darkening at his sudden confession. Patton looked up again, his mouth forming a perfect ‘o’ shape. “I have for quite a while, actually,” Janus continued because if he was going to confess, he might as well go all the way with his honesty, “ever since you accepted me into the group. You just smiled at me and it made my heart flip and I tried so hard not to fall for you, but my heart clearly had a different idea, because here I-“

Janus’s words were stopped when two hands planted themselves on either side of his face. Patton’s face was right in front of his and he was smiling, fondly, his eyes sparkling. Janus’s heart thumped loudly in his chest.

“Patton-“ Janus sighed and then he was kissing him.

Even the simplest press of lips was enough to set Janus’s body on fire and he immediately wanted more. He wrapped his arms around Patton’s torso, pulling the shorter side closer to him. Patton, despite his equal inexperience, certainly seemed to know what he was doing. His mouth was moving languidly against Janus’s and he’d snaked a hand into Janus’s hair.

The soft scrape of Patton’s fingernails against Janus’s hair caused a sort of mewl to escape Janus’s throat. Patton giggled softly against Janus’s lips, and the puffs of air that Janus felt against his mouth made him just want to kiss Patton even more insistently. So he did.

Janus wasn’t quite sure how long they ended up kissing for, but he did know that at the end of it, his hair was most definitely a dishevelled mess, Patton’s glasses were askew, his cardigan discarded from his shoulders, and both of them were grinning like idiots.

“Wow,” Janus mused, unable to form coherent thoughts, “that was-“

“Amazing,” Patton finished for him with a grin. Janus nodded in silent agreement.

“I should have just told you the whole truth before,” he mused. Patton wrapped his arms tightly around Janus’s shoulders, pulling his face close once again.

“You really should have. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out all this time,” Patton sighed against his mouth, leaning in and kissing Janus’ again, “and-“ he added, breaking away briefly, “in case it wasn’t clear, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time, too. I really like you, Janus.”

“Good,” Janus smiled, leaning down and pressing their lips together again. He would kiss Patton whenever and wherever he could just to chase the feeling of soft lips against his, gentle hands in his hair and a warm, comforting body right under his hands.

Maybe Janus should thank Roman, after all.

[themelodicenigma]

People will see a female character who is also a love interest, decide they don't like her, and then insist she isn't important and that being a love interest is a negative character trait. You don't see people doing this to male characters who are primarily the love interest of a protagonist, at least not as often. Like I don't see anti-fandoms for the older Disney Princes who were mostly there for the sake of the Princesses falling in love with them.

Good point!

For the later ones, there's definitely levels to them as well considering the variety of male roles, especially when they're more of the main character, like Aladdin, or where there's this equalization, which a lot of the 90's and so forth princess' movies can fit in. But, those princes, a lot are there for that romance plot. I mean, Ariel could've seen a number of attractive, charming males that could've made her more desperate to reach the surface, but at the end of the day, Eric HAS his role and expression in the story, and it's fine. This could extend even to like Frozen, which honestly, it's even more just about Elsa and Anna, ESPECIALLY the second one.

Just like Tifa, some of the Disney love interests are VERY involved in the story and plot, like Kristoff, and anyone who wanted to just be antagonistic could just makeup some hypothetical to justify their claim. I could say that since the main narrative in Frozen is mostly about Elsa and Anna and displaying that pure love that saves Anna, Kristoff and even Olaf (cause why not) could be written out of the story. Even if this is some fantastical fan fiction idea, this doesn't erase the existing role they still play within the series. Anything can just, be something it's not if people just rewrite a story. That hardly proves a point, especially when it's still about a character who is prominently featured throughout the story. Also, I'm pretty sure an angry mob will come out somewhere for dissing on Olaf. XD

Either way, they're in the story. They're important. I mean, that just happens when someone is a love interest in a story that emphasizes romance. And yeah, there are some stories where we don't get to see the love interests as characters, but some of the most beloved stories are where this doesn't happen. And there's a lot that are loved.

We can even have a similar conversation about Kairi despite Sora being the primary protagonist—I've seen plenty of people say she isn't important by the trivial data of "screen time". Considering the story beats she has been involved in, not to mention what she HAS as a character, this can just never be true, and she remains to be one of the main characters of the series, even if the expression of what she retains (like emphasizing her role as a Princess of Heart) is not as satisfying as some in the fanbase want (which is where I'm at, too, but I also don't believe it's as bad as people paint it).

But yes, even as @kifye and @skystarsflowers have pointed out before, the best bet honestly it to just stop using this as a reason to put down female characters in media. It just isn't a good look, even. It's perfectly fine to criticize a character's role with analysis, or a desire to want more (or less, in some cases I guess)—but we need to bear in mind the rationale and point this is really doing. Calling Tifa or Kairi unimportant, saying they should be written out of the story, or a "waste of space" isn't constructive, unless your goal isn't for the sake of understanding the characters.