#but in particular sometimes i think about how like

[sweetkpopmusings]

heart-fluttering moments with ateez <3

a/n: trying to clear through my very long list of drafts/ideas, and i desperately needed to write some more for ateez. hopefully these give you a nice little boost of serotonin (even if they propel you into your feelings, as they did to me) <3 pics not mine~

content: fluff, can be read as nonidol!ateez | wc: 1.4k | warnings: none really! | pairing: ateez x gn!reader | requests: open

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

seonghwa♡‧₊˚

when he says your name. 

seonghwa, always eager to catch your attention, had plenty of nicknames for you. you loved each and every one of them because, on top of classics like love and darling, he crafted special ones for you and only you. when he really wanted your attention, though, he said your name. whenever he called out to you, you’d be met by his big, sparkling eyes. his voice was always a sweet coo when he said your name, like it was his favorite word in the universe. seonghwa adored the way your whole body responded to him, alight with affection, whenever he called out to you. you never felt more like yourself than with seonghwa, and all it took to make you feel like the only person in the world was him saying my y/n~~ if only you knew that seonghwa folded twice as hard whenever you said his name. one day, maybe soon, he’d tell you his name never sounded perfect until he heard it in your voice.

hongjoong♡‧₊˚

when you tell him about your day.

hongjoong, though subtle about it, was completely and utterly enamored by you. he was not one for grand romantic gestures. he would partake in these on special occasions, particularly if you were fond of them or at least got a good laugh out of it. hongjoong, however, preferred to express his love for you through everyday actions. in particular, hongjoong loved nothing more than asking you how was your day, my love? he could happily sit there for hours, cherishing the way your voice engulfed him. he’d smile brightly, eyes locked on yours, listening intently to every word you said. if you ever felt as though you were talking too much, hongjoong would insist that his favorite part of the day was talking to you. inevitably flustered by his casual confession, he’d tease you playfully, quickly asking you to tell him more and more because he can never get enough of you.

yunho♡‧₊˚

when he tells you stories.

yunho thought about you constantly. while he was too shy to confess this unless you two were feeling extra soft for each other, it was clear to everyone around yunho that you were always on his mind. everyday, yunho would make mental notes of things he wanted to tell you. sometimes, if a day was full of anecdotes he knew you’d love, he’d actually write them down on his phone, a list full of nonsensical reminders of how he saw you in everything. as soon as he could get to you, yunho would reenact every funny moment just to hear you laugh. his heart soared whenever you called him ridiculous after a dramatic retelling of an almost unbelievable story. you thought this was how yunho was with everyone, until, when speaking with other members, you joked about a story no one else had heard before. yunho explained it to them, but not as energetically as he did for you. this was the moment you realized that he was your storyteller. yunho made you feel special in every way, and this special habit of his was no exception. you were, after all, his favorite audience.

yeosang♡‧₊˚

when he remembers.

yeosang is more often than not on his own plane of existence. his mind is one of a kind, and you are frequently entertained by the way he thinks, especially when it takes your conversations and ideas into entirely new territory. despite being a little “airheaded” sometimes, yeosang never forgot a thing when it came to you. he would remind you to restock groceries–somehow he always remembered exactly which items you tended to forget–and he always asked you about upcoming plans he knew you were excited about. one time, when he asked you about an event that you had only mentioned once months prior, you joked that it felt like he was your personal assistant. yeosang, smiling, said i might as well be. i keep a calendar of your life in my head all the time. you laughed because it sounded ridiculous, but the look in his eyes revealed that this was not a joke. when you asked him why, he answered i never want to miss a thing about you. 

san♡‧₊˚

when he tells you how much you mean to him.

san’s heart was undoubtedly the biggest on the planet. his love was generous and open, never letting anyone feel anything but their best. in san’s eyes, however, your heart was the most beautiful thing he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing, and he was honored every day to have a place in it. his terms of endearment for you always reflected how much he adored you: my angel, my star, my world, and so on. san didn’t stop there. on nights he was feeling especially soft for you, san would melt your heart with the sweetest words of adoration. after laughing at your joke, he’d smile widely and say no one makes me laugh like you do. you are so special. before saying goodbye on the phone, san would sigh contentedly, asking you to promise him that you’d never forget how much you mean to him. of course, you promise him, because you would promise him everything. you can hear the joyful look on his face as he says my y/n, you are more precious to me than you’ll ever know. 

mingi♡‧₊˚

when he carries things for you.

mingi was everyone’s princess, including yours. mingi, however, did not think it was fair that only he got the princess treatment in your relationship. he loved when you took care of him, all blushed cheeks and giggles and butterflies in his stomach. what made him feel on top of the world, though, was reciprocating your kindness and care. his heart almost burst out of his chest every time you smiled and said thank you. mingi thought there was no greater honor than being helpful to you. you changed so much of his life and him for the better. he wasn’t quite sure how to express that gratitude and amazement, so he figured the least he could do is carry your groceries, lift heavy objects, or hold every item as you shopped through your favorite stores. any time you asked if he wanted help, even if he was struggling to balance himself, he’d deny it. if you pushed back, saying you could carry things too, he’d look at you with a small pout and shining eyes and ask, shouldn’t i be the one who takes the weight off your shoulders? from that moment on, you let him carry whatever he wanted.

wooyoung♡‧₊˚ 

when he thinks of you first.

wooyoung never, ever shied away from showing his affection toward you. he’d compliment you endlessly, tease you to make you laugh, buy you thoughtful little gifts, and overall make you feel special. you were his beloved, after all. a habit wooyoung developed as you became an even bigger part of his life was thinking of you first, always. it was instinctive and subtle, but it reflected just how deeply wooyoung cared for and cherished you. he would hand you a water before you even realized you were thirsty. he’d bring your coat to you as you stepped out the door because he knew it was cold outside. he’d cover corners and guide you through tight spaces so you never got hurt. when deciding on something, he would ask for your thoughts on it, giving you his undivided attention as you spoke. wooyoung didn’t even notice that he did this, until you thanked him one day for always being so caring. he shrugged, failing to bite back a heartwarming smile, and told you no need to thank me. caring for you is my favorite thing to do. 

jongho♡‧₊˚

when he acts silly.

jongho did not take long to show off his silly side to you. from early on in your relationship, he felt so safe around you. to jongho, it was very clear that you were his person. this mean that he felt like he could truly be himself, so long as you were with him. as he grew more and more comfortable with you, he acted goofier. jongho loved to see you laugh, and his favorite sound was your laughs mixed together. he always fell into a giggling fit whenever you joked around with him too. he adorees how silly you can get because, in his mind, it is even more proof that you two are on the same wavelength. whenever he is laughing with you, jongho feels at home in a world only shared with you. everyone who knows jongho can always tell when he has been with you because he is brighter. you give him energy, even on his most exhausting or difficult days. there is a reason jongho always calls you my happiness. 

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[jayswifeshh]

all talk | p.js

there has always been a simmering tension between you and jay ever since you joined their friend group, hidden beneath playful banter and teasing remarks. but things changed when what started as a carefree night out with your seven friends quickly spiraled into something far more unexpected. between the music, the drinks, and the charged glances, the playful teasing shifts into something much more intense.

《 park¡jongseong x female¡reader

《 content - smut, a little fluff, teasing, protected sex, praise kink, drunk sex, jealously, oral, self-pleasure(jay), the reader isn't submissive and she's low-key a freak. probably missed a lot but it's my first time guys i'm so sorry!

if you're into a quick smut story this probably isn't for you. got carried away and it ended up being way longer than expected (i just like to yap a lot sry again babes)

《 wc - 9k

heesung and jake play a big role in this lol. jungwon's mentioned too just at the very end.

___________________________________________

you and jay… that was always a topic of confusion—for others, and sometimes even for yourselves.

this entire, incredibly eventful chapter of your life began when you met enhypen during one of your calvin klein photoshoots. it was a collaboration you hadn’t expected, and yet everything about it felt oddly seamless.

from the moment you met the group of boys, it felt as though you’d known them forever. they were warm, funny, and easy to talk to—qualities that made them stand out, especially since most of your friendships had been with girls.

what really caught you off guard was how quickly you became a part of their circle. suddenly, you were being invited to hangouts every other week when your schedules allowed, and you didn’t mind one bit.

all seven of them welcomed you with open arms, making you feel at ease in a way that was new and unexpected. it was strange to think about because kindness should be the standard, but your past experiences with men had left you guarded. this shift in dynamic, though refreshing, often felt too good to be true.

your relationship with each one of them was unique in its own way, but you seemed to connect best with one in particular— park jongseong.

your bond with jay was unlike anything you shared with the rest. from your very first exchange, there was an easy flirtation between the two of you that only grew stronger over time. the others teased you both relentlessly, saying how perfect you were for each other and insisting you should stop pretending and just make it official.

you and jay, however, would always dismiss their comments, laughing it off and insisting that you were just joking around. of course, the others never believed you, carrying on with their relentless teasing.

still, it never fazed you or jay. maybe it was because, deep down, the idea didn’t seem all that bad? you never stopped to analyze it, though. the truth was, you never had a “what are we?” conversation, and you weren’t exactly in a rush to have one either. you weren’t actively looking for love, and having a flirtatious dynamic with a man sculpted like a greek god certainly added some much-needed excitement to your life. who could complain? it was just innocent fun—you never crossed any boundaries or did anything beyond playful banter.

little did you know, though, that someday words would turn into actions.

the night everything changed began with a casual invitation. the guys were in new york city for a concert and decided to go clubbing in their free time. they wanted you to join.

the place they chose was nothing short of extravagant—a blend of a nightclub and bar, with a formal dress code and an exclusive guest list. it was an entirely new experience, especially since most of your outings with them were more casual: dinners, movie nights, or just hanging out at someone’s place.

the chance to dress up, drink, and let loose was too tempting to pass up. without a second thought, you said yes, not knowing that this night would mark a turning point in your relationship with jay.

after stepping into the upscale club, the eight of you naturally dispersed. some rushed off to the bar, others disappeared into the pulsing crowd, lost in the music and lights. a few mingled effortlessly with strangers, their laughter blending into the vibrant hum of the room.

you stayed back with jay, jake, and heesung, settling into a plush, semi-private corner on an l-shaped couch. the spot felt perfect—close enough to feel the energy of the club but far enough to offer a sense of privacy. from where you sat, you could watch the sea of bodies moving under the strobe lights, yet here, the music was muffled just enough to allow for easy conversation.

a sleek glass table in front of you was already cluttered with expensive liquor bottles, mixers, and half-finished drinks. you sat in the middle, jay on your left, so close that his knee brushed yours every time he adjusted his position. heesung occupied the far side, and jake sprawled casually on your right, his arm draped over the backrest.

the conversation was lively, flowing effortlessly from deep, reflective topics to ridiculous, out-of-pocket jokes that had all of you clutching your sides with laughter. the alcohol helped, loosening your words and deepening your bond as time slipped away.

it didn’t take long for you to feel the telltale signs of drunkenness. your cheeks felt warm, the edges of the room seemed softer, and your words occasionally slurred together. the guys weren’t far behind, their flushed faces and increasingly playful banter a clear indication of how much they’d had to drink.

but through the haze, you couldn’t help but notice jay. he’d always been charming and tactile, but tonight, something about him felt different—intensely focused. every so often, his hand would graze your bare leg, the touch fleeting but electric. occasionally, he’d reach out to brush a stray strand of hair from your face, his fingers lingering near your cheek in a way that made your breath hitch.

and then there were his hands—always finding ways to touch yours. jay had a habit of playing with your fingers, something you’d grown used to, but tonight, it felt more deliberate. his thumb traced slow, lazy circles on your skin, his touch so gentle it sent shivers up your spine.

his gaze, though, was what undid you. whenever his dark eyes locked with yours, it felt like the rest of the world faded away. there was an intensity to the way he looked at you tonight, as if he was trying to tell you something without saying a word. it made your heart race in a way you couldn’t quite control, and the alcohol only amplified your awareness of him.

jake and heesung weren’t blind to what was happening. every time jay’s hand lingered a little too long or his gaze softened when he looked at you, the two of them would exchange amused glances. jake smirked openly, while heesung occasionally raised an eyebrow, the corners of his lips twitching as if he was holding back laughter.

you noticed their silent teasing, of course, but jay seemed entirely unfazed. his focus stayed on you, as if the rest of the room didn’t exist.

as much as you tried to brush it off, blaming your racing thoughts on the alcohol, you couldn’t ignore the effect he was having on you. jay looked absolutely stunning tonight. his dark hair framed his face perfectly, soft strands falling effortlessly across his forehead. his black sweater clung to him just right, dipping low enough to reveal the sharp lines of his collarbones, while his tailored dress pants fit him like a dream. every detail about him seemed designed to make you lose your composure.

the night continued like this, the four of you huddled together while the others flitted in and out. occasionally, one of the members would stop by to join in on the conversation, only to dash off when a song they couldn’t resist came on. the corner you’d claimed felt like its own little world, insulated from the chaos of the club.

at one point, jay excused himself to the bathroom. you watched him go, your gaze lingering longer than you intended. the absence of his presence was immediate, like a sudden chill. the warmth of his touch, the weight of his attention, the way his voice softened when he spoke to you—it all left you reeling.

jake chuckled beside you, breaking your train of thought. “you good?” he teased, raising his glass in a toast. heesung just smirked knowingly, leaning back into the couch. to which you nonchalantly stated you're okay.

you shook your head, brushing off the slight unease from jay leaving. you leaned back into the cushions, letting the warm buzz of alcohol dull your thoughts. it wasn’t a big deal, you told yourself—he probably just needed a moment. the energy of the club, the thrum of the music, and the laughter from jake and heesung were enough to distract you. for now, the thought of jay and his lingering touches faded into the background.

but as the conversation flowed, jake leaned closer, his smirk catching your attention. “so,” he began, dragging the word out in a way that immediately put you on edge, “you know jay likes you, right?”

heesung, lounging comfortably, nodded with a sly grin. “oh, for sure. it’s not even subtle at this point. the guy can’t keep his hands off you.”

you froze for a second before letting out a laugh, shaking your head as you waved them off. “oh, come on. jay’s always like that—he’s just naturally touchy. it’s not out of the ordinary.”

jake raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening. “sure, but he doesn’t act like that with anyone else. have you seen him with us? the guy barely even gives us a pat on the back, let alone all the…” he mimicked brushing imaginary hair behind his ear, earning a snicker from heesung.

“exactly,” heesung added, crossing his arms. “jay’s different with you. it’s written all over his face. you’re the only one he looks at like that.”

rolling your eyes, you chuckled, trying to ignore the way their words made your heart skip. “you’re both drunk. he's flirty all the time—it’s just jay being jay.” you shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “he probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.”

the two exchanged another look, one of those silent conversations that only close friends could have. “okay,” jake said, dragging the word out again as if to humor you. “whatever you say.”

heesung smirked, leaning back into the couch. “denial is a river in egypt,” he muttered, earning a laugh from jake.

“and you two are delusional,” you shot back playfully, though the warmth creeping up your neck betrayed your confidence. you quickly changed the topic, refusing to let their words linger, but deep down, you couldn’t help but wonder if they might be right.

heesung, however, wasn’t done. he leaned in dramatically, his voice lowering as if he was revealing some deep, dark secret. “you know, i don’t know why you’re pretending to be all innocent here.” he shot you a mischievous grin. “you’re just as flirty as jay—if not worse.”

before you could protest, he straightened up, then leaned forward again, dramatically acting out what he claimed was your behavior. “oh my god, jay,” he said in a mocking voice, fluttering his eyelashes. “you look so good tonight. i can’t stop looking at you.” he threw in a hair flip for good measure, causing you to laugh despite him making fun of you.

you gaped at him. “i do not do that!”

he grinned wider, clearly enjoying the playful torment. “sure you don’t,” he teased, pretending to sip from an invisible drink. “and then you throw in some accidental touches here and there, just like jay. like this” he reached over and lightly brushed your arm, his touch exaggerated and playful.

“stop!” you laughed, swatting his hand away. “you’re ridiculous, heesung!”

jake chuckled beside you, clearly enjoying the teasing. “you can’t deny it. you’re just as bad, if not more obvious, than jay.”

you crossed your arms and tried to hold your ground, but the heat in your face betrayed you. “whatever, you two are crazy.” you leaned back, trying to mask your flustered state, but deep down, a part of you knew they were right.

silence filled the air when you thought...wait... let’s make this fun. you leaned in closer, deciding it was your turn to stir things up.

“so, who’s the better flirt?” you asked, your voice dripping with playful confidence as you shot them a daring smirk.

heesung didn’t miss a beat. “you, obviously,” he replied with a matching grin, his quick answer making you sit a little taller.

you were about to feign modesty when jake jumped in, completely unfiltered. “oh, that’s not even a debate. you’re smooth, like dangerously smooth. it’s effortless—sensual, even. jay, though? he looks like a mix of a horny teenager and some creepy old dude who’s trying way too hard.”

you couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped, your stomach aching as heesung nodded in agreement, both boys delighting in tearing down jay’s flirting game.

“so, you’d fall for it?” you pressed, leaning into the teasing, letting your voice drop just enough to make them squirm.

their reaction was immediate—eyes wide, sharing a glance, before jake cleared his throat awkwardly. “i mean… yeah. probably any guy would… shit even girls,” he admitted, his voice quieter now.

you turned to heesung, raising an eyebrow as if to ask, well? he scratched the back of his neck, looking at everything but you. “yeah, same,” he mumbled. then, with a nervous chuckle, he added, “but don’t let jay hear that. he’d kill us, and honestly? i’d rather not go out like that.”

you giggled at their flustered answers, but you weren’t done just yet. a wicked thought crossed your mind. you leaned back against the couch, sighing dramatically, letting your body arch slightly, chest subtly pushing forward.

oh, so now they go quiet, huh? you thought to yourself, biting back a smirk.

you shifted back into your normal position, glancing at the two of them. for the first time tonight, they weren’t shooting off quick remarks or teasing you back. instead, they were trying way too hard to act like they were fascinated by the crowd around them, clearly avoiding letting their eyes wander to how your dress hugged your figure just right.

“you guys are so boring,” you teased, breaking the silence with a pout. “maybe i should test my charm with you two to see if it really works,” you added, voice low and dripping with suggestion.

the way they stiffened was almost comical. they exchanged panicked glances, their nervous laughter giving them away immediately. jake cleared his throat, trying to steady his voice. “nope, nope, nope. you’re jay’s future wife. we can’t be a part of this madness,” he said, holding his hands up in surrender.

you huffed dramatically, pretending to give in. “fine, i guess you’re right.” a pause hung in the air before you slyly added, “besides, i don’t think you could keep up with me anyway.”

jake’s jaw dropped, his expression a mix of offense and disbelief. “okay, now that was just uncalled for,” he protested, pointing a finger at you like he was scolding you.

you leaned in closer, locking eyes with him, your voice soft yet teasing. “you sure about that?”

“as if jay can,” he scoffed, laughing at his own joke. “but yeah, i’m sure. besides, like i said, you’re practically the future mother of his kids, and—”

“okay, that’s enough,” you cut him off quickly, unable to handle the forwardness of his words. “can we please stop talking about jay for one sec—”

heesung interrupted, grinning like he’d just uncovered some big secret. “guys, i think jay’s busy with his other future wife.”

you and jake froze, immediately following heesung’s gaze. sure enough, jay was leaning casually against a wall, unfazed as a girl who was far too enthusiastic leaned in closer, laughing and touching his arm a little too much for your liking.

“nah,” jake laughed, breaking the tension, “he looks mad uncomfortable"

“damn though, how does he get all the girls while i stay bitchless?” heesung muttered, still focused on jay and the overly eager girl practically draping herself over him.

jake chuckled, but you couldn’t resist poking at heesung. “i just gave you the opportunity of a lifetime, hee,” you teased, referring to your earlier playful flirting, as heesung remained captivated by the unfolding scene of jay and the mystery girl.

he finally tore his gaze away, smirking mischievously. “if jay gave me the green light, i wouldn’t even hesitate, gorgeous,” he shot back smoothly, his words bold and his tone dripping with confidence. he added a wink for good measure, which only made you laugh.

“heesung!” you exclaimed, your voice half-scolding, half-amused.

jake groaned, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “seriously, man? and no, jay would never allow it. neither would i.”

“a guy can dream, can’t he?” heesung shrugged nonchalantly, but the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips made it clear he wasn’t entirely serious. when he noticed the way you and jake were looking at him, though, he quickly backtracked. “what? come on, guys, i’m joking!”

your gaze shifted back to jay, who was still caught in the same uncomfortable interaction. the girl was leaning far too close, her giggles annoyingly loud, and you couldn’t help but feel a flicker of jealousy in your chest. not that you’d ever admit it to them. instead, you waved it off casually.

“well, hope he has fun with her,” you said breezily, already trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. you weren’t about to let them notice the little twinge of irritation creeping in. besides, comparing his body language with you and her, jay truly was different with you. his smiles, his touches, his attention—it all felt more genuine when it was directed your way. that alone was enough to ease your nerves.

“are you crazy? go save your man!” jake urged, his voice insistent.

“he’ll be fine,” you replied, brushing it off with a casual shrug, though the sight of the girl inching closer made your stomach twist just a bit more.

a pause hung between you before heesung spoke up, his voice lowering conspiratorially. “you know... i heard from a very reliable source that jay likes it when a girl gets jealous...”

you raised an eyebrow, the skepticism clear on your face. “oh, does he now?”. it sounded out of character for jay. he was mature and grounded, the type of guy who would probably find possessiveness off-putting, or so you thought.

“seriously,” jake chimed in, nodding earnestly. “he thinks it’s hot when a girl gets territorial over him. like, it’s his thing or something.”

you hummed thoughtfully, swirling your drink. their sudden insistence felt suspicious, but you couldn’t deny the idea intrigued you.

“go,” heesung urged, motioning for you to stand up. his expression was equally playful and determined.

you sighed dramatically, leaning back against the couch as though the mere suggestion exhausted you. “what if i scare my number one hoe away?” you joked, your voice laced with sarcasm.

the boys burst into laughter but quickly recovered, their expressions shifting to something more earnest. jake shook his head. “nah, you’re good. he’s your hoe, and he knows it.”

their encouragement made you hesitate. part of you wanted to stand your ground, but the other part of you—the side that had been waiting for some kind of signal from jay—felt the push. maybe they were right. maybe this was the moment.

heesung, ever the instigator, leaned closer, his smirk teasing. “what, are you scared now? all that confidence earlier, and now you're pussying out?”

his words struck a nerve. without another thought, you grabbed your drink in one hand and reached for jay’s drink with the other, standing up with newfound purpose.

before heading off, you turned to them, narrowing your eyes in warning. “if this messes things up with jay because of your little scheme, we’re gonna have a serious problem.”

jake and heesung exchanged triumphant glances, their grins growing wide. “awh, so you do care about him,” jake teased softly, his voice dripping with adoration.

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at your lips as you turned and made your way toward jay. behind you, the boys exchanged triumphant looks, dapping each other up and eagerly shifting in their seats to get the best view of the chaos they’d just unleashed.

if you were sober right now, this would’ve been much harder. but walking through this high-end club with liquid courage warming your veins made it feel almost too easy. heads turned as you passed, lingering stares trailing over your figure. the way people looked at you—like you were the only person in the room—only fueled your confidence. but your eyes were locked on one person: jay.

every step you took toward him felt like a small victory, closing the distance between you two. your heart pounded in anticipation, but you pushed the feeling aside, focusing on your goal. the world around you blurred, the dim lights, music, and whispers fading into the background.

jay noticed you before you reached him. his expression shifted from mild confusion to relief, and finally, a soft, welcoming smile. he seemed caught off guard by your determined stride, as if trying to piece together why you were heading straight for him.

when you stopped in front of him, his gaze locked onto yours, his dark eyes searching your face. without missing a beat, you offered him a warm smile and extended his drink—the one you’d deliberately taken earlier to sell the illusion. “babe, what took you so long?” you teased, your tone light but purposeful, laced with playful mischief.

jay blinked, taking the drink from you, his brows furrowing slightly. before he could question you, you slid your arm around his back, your fingers brushing the fabric of his shirt as you pulled yourself closer. leaning in, your lips pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. the simple act was sweet, innocent even, but the way your lips lingered for just a second longer than necessary made it impossible for him to dismiss.

he. was. stunned.

his body stiffened slightly under your touch, and as you leaned back, you caught the way his jaw subtly tensed, his lips parted in shock. the confident exterior jay always carried faltered, and the rare sight of him flustered filled you with a quiet satisfaction.

you turned your attention to the girl standing beside him, who had gone completely silent. she stared at you, her expression uncertain, her confidence visibly shaken. you extended your hand toward her, your movements poised and deliberate. “hi, i’m y/n,” you said smoothly, your tone polite but firm, like you were both introducing yourself and reminding her of your place beside jay.

the girl hesitated, glancing between you and jay before awkwardly shaking your hand. she mumbled her name in response, her voice lacking the boldness she’d shown just moments earlier.

you took a slow sip of your drink, studying her with a small smile. “oh, was i interrupting something?” you asked, tilting your head slightly, your tone feigning innocence but carrying an undercurrent of teasing.

before she could answer, jay’s voice cut in. “no, of course not,” he said firmly, his gaze flicking to you, his tone making it clear that your presence wasn’t unwelcome.

the girl, however, looked like she wanted to argue, her lips parting before snapping shut again. she fidgeted awkwardly before finally speaking. “oh, um, i guess i’ll see you around, jay,” she said, her tone quieter now, unsure.

you watched her turn to leave, noting the stiffness in her stride as she hurried back to her friends, who immediately erupted into cheers and claps. the scene was almost laughable, but your attention was drawn back to jay, who had relaxed against the wall. his signature smirk slowly returned, his eyes fixed on you with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine.

“why’d you do all that?” he asked, his voice low and teasing, yet there was a hint of something deeper—curiosity, maybe even hope.

“what?” you replied, your voice casual as you leaned against the wall beside him. “you looked uncomfortable.”

jay chuckled softly, shaking his head. “bullshit,” he said, his smirk widening.

“oh, so you weren’t?” you shot back, your eyebrow raising in challenge.

his silence spoke volumes. his eyes, dark and focused, roamed your face, lingering on your lips before meeting your gaze again.

“were you jealous?” he asked finally, his voice dipping lower, the smirk never leaving his face.

your heart skipped a beat, but you refused to let him see how easily he got under your skin. instead, you rolled your eyes, a smirk of your own forming. “did you want her all over you like that?”

jay’s expression shifted slightly, the teasing glint in his eyes sharpening into something more serious, more deliberate. without warning, he pushed himself off the wall, closing the distance between you in a single step.

his free hand found your waist, the warmth of his palm searing through the thin fabric of your dress. “so…” he murmured, his voice a mix of challenge and seduction. his fingers brushed against the curve of your hip, slow and deliberate. “you wouldn’t be jealous if i was this close to her?”

his lips hovered near your ear, his breath warm against your skin. “if i touched her like this?” he continued, his hand sliding lower, his fingertips grazing the small of your back.

“if i kissed her?” his voice dropped further, his lips brushing your neck, the faintest, softest touch that sent a wave of heat flooding through you.

your breath hitched, your body betraying you as a sharp jolt of desire coiled low in your stomach. his scent surrounded you—woodsy, rich, and utterly intoxicating. your knees felt weak, and you gripped your drink tighter, the only thing keeping you steady.

jay pulled back slightly, his eyes scanning your face, waiting for your response. “hm?” he prompted, his tone daring, his smirk back in full force.

you swallowed hard, struggling to regain control. his presence was overwhelming, every inch of him drawing you closer, making it impossible to think straight. but you weren’t going to let him win so easily.

locking eyes with him, you returned his daring stare. “we both know who you’re taking home tonight,” you said, your voice low, steady, and full of confidence.

his eyebrow quirked, intrigued by your defiance. “that doesn’t answer my question, baby,” he murmured, the pet name rolling off his tongue with a smoothness that sent a fresh wave of heat coursing through you.

you inhaled deeply, trying to steady your breathing. “i think you already know the answer,” you whispered.

“i want to hear you say it,” he demanded softly, his voice laced with authority.

you let out a shaky breath, your walls finally crumbling. “you make me crazy,” you admitted, the words barely audible.

his hand slid lower, his fingers teasing the curve of your ass as he leaned in closer. “is that so?” he whispered, his tone dripping with satisfaction.

but you weren’t done. your hand lifted, fingers trailing along his neck, down his chest, and lower, stopping just above his belt. gripping the leather lightly, you tugged him closer, your lips brushing his ear. “take me home and find out,” you murmured, your voice sultry and filled with promise.

jay’s eyes darkened, his jaw clenching slightly as his gaze dropped to your lips. for a moment, it felt like the world stopped, the tension between you crackling like electricity.

without another word, he pulled back, his phone already in his hand. “bet,” he said simply, his voice steady but his eyes still burning as he stepped around the corner to order a cab.

you leaned back against the wall, your heart racing, your skin still tingling from his touch. this was new—this was something neither of you could ignore. and as the anticipation bubbled in your chest, you couldn’t help but smile, knowing the night was far from over.

as jay disappeared around the corner to order the cab, you leaned back against the wall, attempting to steady your racing heart. his touch lingered like a trail of fire on your skin, and you couldn’t shake the way his voice—low, teasing, and possessive—had made you feel utterly weak. you took another sip of your drink, the coolness doing little to extinguish the heat that had spread through your body.

your gaze wandered, and it didn’t take long to find jake and heesung. they were still on the couch where you’d left them, and the moment your eyes met theirs, you regretted looking their way.

they were putting on a full-blown performance, clearly reenacting what little they’d witnessed of your interaction with jay.

jake had an arm slung dramatically around heesung’s shoulders, doing his best impression of your earlier actions. heesung batted his eyelashes, clutching an imaginary drink as he leaned into jake.

“oh, stop, i’m blushing!” heesung teased, pretending to giggle as he tilted his head like he was expecting a kiss on the cheek. jake leaned in with exaggerated slowness, and the two burst into laughter before they could even finish the mock kiss.

it didn’t end there. heesung suddenly straightened up, pulling an invisible belt like he’d seen you do with jay, his action dripping with playful exaggeration. jake let out a cackle, wheezing, barely able to contain himself.

their antics caught the attention of a few people around them, who were now glancing over and chuckling at their over-the-top performance.

you groaned inwardly, rolling your eyes. of course they’d turn what little they saw into something absurd. but as ridiculous as they were, you couldn’t help the small smile creeping onto your face.

jake was the first to notice you watching. his grin widened, and he immediately elbowed heesung, nodding in your direction. they both froze, their expressions turning comically innocent like they hadn’t just been clowning you moments earlier.

it didn’t last long. heesung gave you an exaggerated thumbs-up, his grin shameless.

“you’re welcome!” he yelled across the room, loud enough for you to hear clearly over the music.

you sighed, lifting your hand to flip them off with a slow, deliberate motion.

jake clutched his chest in offense, gasping dramatically, throwing himself against heesung like he’d been struck. heesung shook his head, laughing, clearly enjoying the moment far too much.

you rolled your eyes, unable to hold back the grin that tugged at your lips. no matter how much they teased, you knew they’d be cheering you on the whole way through. with one last amused glance at their ridiculous display, you turned your focus back to the moment ahead.

because as much as they enjoyed their antics, they didn’t know what had just transpired between you and jay. and judging by the fire still burning in your chest, you weren’t ready to share it with anyone just yet.

jay came back shortly after, his presence as confident as ever. “you ready?” he asked with a teasing smirk, his hand slipping effortlessly into yours. the simple gesture made your stomach flutter, but you masked it with a coy smile, letting him lead you back toward the couch.

as you approached, it was painfully obvious jake and heesung had been up to no good. they sat there pretending to have the world’s driest conversation about the “architectural integrity” of the club’s interior. their poorly hidden giggles betrayed them, and you could practically see the mischief radiating off them.

the moment their eyes landed on your intertwined hands, their mouths stretched into matching, shit-eating grins. they exchanged a quick look, clearly bursting with pride at their matchmaking success.

“we’re leaving,” jay announced nonchalantly, his tone cool and indifferent. “heading to y/n’s place.”

their grins widened, barely able to contain themselves.

“guysss,” jake whined dramatically, leaning forward with his chin in his hands. “don’t you wanna hang out with us a little longer? it’s been such a fun night.”

jay didn’t even blink. “don’t ask dumb questions,” he said flatly, leaving jake mock-offended as he clutched his chest and let out an exaggerated gasp.

“wow, okay, guess we’re just chopped liver now,” heesung chimed in, shaking his head as if deeply betrayed.

you giggled, amused at their dramatics, as you walked around the table to grab your purse. but before you could escape, the boys were on their feet, ready to send you off with one last round of chaos.

heesung clapped jay on the back and said goodbye with a knowing smirk, but it was jake who went in for the kill.

as you bent down to pick up your bag, jake leaned in close, his voice low and teasing. “be a good girl, yeah?”

you froze for half a second before whipping your head around to give him a sharp look. “jake,” you warned, your tone laced with disbelief.

he laughed, brushing it off like he hadn’t just said something that would replay in your mind for the rest of the night. before you could respond, he pulled you into a suffocating hug, swaying you side to side like an overly affectionate big brother.

“jake,” you groaned, your voice strained. “if you don’t let me go, i’m gonna throw up all over your ridiculously overpriced suit.”

he released you immediately, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “fine, fine,” he said with a grin. “but you owe me for being such a great friend.”

jay shook his head, amused, as he stepped forward to dap up jake. meanwhile, you turned to heesung, who was already smirking as he pulled you into a hug.

“do everything i’d do,” he muttered into your ear, his tone dripping with mischief.

you leaned back, raising an eyebrow. “hee, i think you’ve got that saying wrong.”

he shrugged, his grin widening. “nah, you heard me.”

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help laughing. their antics were relentless.

as you turned to leave, heesung suddenly called out, “wait, jay—one more thing!”

jay sighed, already looking annoyed, but walked back over to him anyway.

heesung waved him closer, gesturing like he had some urgent, life-changing information to share. jay leaned down, and in one swift motion, heesung slipped something into his hand.

jay straightened up and opened his palm to reveal an xxl condom. your jaw dropped, and you clapped a hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter.

jay stared at the condom, then up at heesung, who was already grinning like a fool. jake was no better, nearly doubled over in silent laughter.

after a beat of silence, jay let out the most sarcastic laugh you’d ever heard, his expression deadpan as he raised his hand to dap up heesung.

heesung, thinking he’d succeeded in his prank, lifted his hand eagerly—only for jay to drop his own and toss the condom back at him with a straight face.

“you’re actually insane,” jay said, shaking his head in disbelief as he turned to grab your hand.

you couldn’t hold it in anymore, bursting into laughter as jay tried to pull you toward the exit.

“what, dude? we just don’t wanna be uncles yet!” jake called after you, his voice full of fake concern.

without missing a beat, you turned your head back to them and shouted, “don’t worry. i have my own!”

their laughter exploded as jay finally led you away, his own chuckle slipping out as he shook his head. your friends were a pain, but you couldn’t deny they’d played a part in making the night unforgettable.

stepping outside into the crisp night air, the chill brushed against your skin, but it wasn’t the cold that sent shivers down your spine. it was the situation. your mind, slightly hazy from the alcohol, began to clear as reality hit. this wasn’t just another playful night with jay. there was something electric about this moment—something that made your nerves buzz and your heart race. despite the countless teasing and bold words exchanged between you two, the idea of acting on them felt entirely new, thrilling, and terrifying.

jay noticed the goosebumps on your arms almost immediately. without hesitation, he slipped off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders. the weight of it, the lingering scent of his cologne, enveloped you, and your pulse quickened. it was a simple gesture, but the effect it had on you was anything but. little did he know the goosebumps weren’t from the cold—if anything, the alcohol had kept you warm—but from the thought of him, his touch, his presence.

“the cab’s going to be here in a couple of minutes,” he said softly, his voice cutting through the stillness of the night.

you nodded, leaning your back against the wrought iron fence in the dimly lit parking lot, your eyes trailing over him. jay looked impossibly handsome under the soft glow of the streetlights, his dark hair slightly tousled, his features sharp yet softened by the gentle lighting. you couldn’t help the smile tugging at your lips as you admired him openly.

“what?” he asked, his usual confident tone faltering slightly as your gaze lingered.

“nothing,” you replied with a grin, your voice light and teasing. “you’re just really handsome.”

he rolled his eyes, a soft laugh escaping him, but the faint blush dusting his cheeks didn’t go unnoticed. “you’re impossible,” he murmured, though the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth betrayed him.

he stepped closer, leaning his shoulder against the fence beside you. the proximity made your heart race, and when his eyes met yours again, the world seemed to slow down.

you shifted, turning your body fully to face him, the playful air between you giving way to something more vulnerable. “so,” you began, your voice softer now, “who was that girl really?”

jay raised an eyebrow, his smile growing wider. “so you were jealous.”

you quickly shook your head, though you couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped. “i wasn’t jealous. just curious,” you countered, though even you weren’t convinced by your own words.

he chuckled, his laugh warm and low, sending a shiver down your spine. “she was no one. honestly, she stopped me outside the bathroom and just started talking. i think her friends dared her or something—she kept glancing back at this group of girls, and they were all staring and giggling like maniacs.” he shook his head, laughing at the absurdity of it.

you snorted, the ridiculousness of the situation breaking through your earlier tension. “sounds like quite the encounter.”

his gaze shifted then, darkening slightly as his teasing tone faded. “but what about you?” he asked, his voice dropping. “why were jake and heesung being so flirty with you?”

you smirked, leaning in slightly. “now look who’s jealous.”

he scoffed, his hand brushing against yours as he closed the small gap between you. “of course i’m jealous. how could i not be?” his voice was lower now, his words deliberate and dripping with sincerity. “just look at you.”

you tilted your head, a teasing smile playing on your lips. “what can i say, jongseong? you’re one lucky man.”

his expression softened, his eyes scanning your face like he was memorizing every detail. “i am,” he admitted quietly. “you’re… unreal. like some angel who just fell out of the sky. i know it sounds cheesy, but… i’ve never felt like this before. not about anyone.”

his words hung in the air, their weight settling over you and making your chest tighten. you’d always known jay was smooth with words, but the raw honesty in his voice now was enough to leave you speechless.

“shit,” he muttered, his eyes dropping to your lips. he trailed off, but the way his body leaned into yours told you everything he didn’t say.

and then his lips were on yours, hot and insistent. the kiss was everything you’d imagined and more, his mouth moving against yours with a hunger that made your knees weak. you responded immediately, your hands tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

his hand found your waist, gripping it firmly as his other braced against the fence behind you. the feel of his body pressed against yours, the heat radiating off him, was intoxicating. every nerve in your body seemed to light up under his touch, and when his teeth grazed your lower lip, a quiet moan slipped from you.

the sound seemed to embolden him, but before either of you could take it further, a car honked nearby, pulling you both out of the moment. you turned to see a sleek black car pulling up to the curb, the driver glancing your way with an unreadable expression.

jay let out a soft laugh, his forehead resting against yours for a brief moment before he pulled back slightly. “cab’s here,” he said, his voice still husky.

he took your hand, guiding you toward the car and opening the door for you. you slid in, rolling your eyes playfully at his gentlemanly ways but secretly loving every second of it. he climbed in after you, settling beside you and reaching over to buckle your seatbelt before you could. the small, intimate gesture made your heart flutter, and you leaned back into the seat, trying to compose yourself.

as the car pulled away, the tension between you two was palpable. the driver’s presence kept things quiet, but you could feel jay’s thigh pressing against yours, his hand resting dangerously close to your own.

“uh,” he began, clearing his throat awkwardly. “sorry if i was too forward back there. i—”

you cut him off with a quiet “shut up,” turning to him and pressing your lips to his once more.

jay stiffened briefly before relaxing, his hand finding its way to your thigh as you twisted to face him. the kiss deepened, your hands wandering over his chest, tracing the lines of his body. his fingers gripped your leg, sliding slightly upward, and your breath hitched at the contact.

you knew this was reckless, making out in the backseat of a cab with a stranger just feet away, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. all the tension that had built between you two over the past months was finally spilling over, and you weren’t about to stop.

jay groaned softly when your teeth grazed his lower lip, and the sound sent another wave of heat through you. your lips left his, trailing kisses along his jaw and down his neck, and he leaned back slightly, giving you better access. you were just about to leave a mark when the car came to a sudden stop.

the abrupt halt had you both groaning in frustration, and jay pulled out his wallet, handing the driver a wad of cash—far more than necessary. probably his way of apologizing for the awkward atmosphere you two had just created.

the driver nodded, clearly unimpressed but grateful for the generous tip. you climbed out of the car, jay’s hand finding yours again as he led you toward the entrance of your apartment complex. neither of you spoke, the tension still crackling between you, and you knew the night was far from over.

you rushed into the building, gripping jay’s hand tightly, your heels echoing against the floor as you practically dragged him toward the elevator. his fingers intertwined with yours, his palm warm and firm, grounding you even as anticipation buzzed through your veins. the cool air from outside had barely faded from your skin, but the heat between you two was already rekindling, more intense with every step. jay trailed close behind, his free hand brushing lightly against the small of your back, the touch sending sparks up your spine.

as soon as the elevator doors slid open, you stepped inside, your focus solely on the buttons as you pressed the one for your floor. jay, however, was far more interested in you than the machinery. the moment the doors closed, he moved behind you, his hands slipping around your waist to pull you against him. the action was gentle yet possessive, his lips already brushing the side of your neck.

“couldn’t wait until we got upstairs?” you teased breathlessly, tilting your head slightly to give him better access.

jay chuckled lowly, his voice a soft growl in your ear. “not when you look like this.” his lips pressed against the sensitive skin of your neck, trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses from your jawline down to your shoulder. the heat of his breath and the softness of his lips left you shivering, though it had nothing to do with the air conditioning in the lift.

you let out a soft sigh, leaning your head back against his shoulder, your body molding itself against his. the faint scent of his cologne mingled with the lingering alcohol on his breath, a heady combination that made your thoughts blur. his hands began to roam, one slipping to rest on your hip while the other grazed the curve of your waist. each touch was slow and deliberate, as if he were trying to memorize every inch of you.

your breathing hitched when you felt his arousal pressing against your lower back. jay’s movements grew bolder, his lips finding a particularly sensitive spot on your neck that made you bite your lip to stifle a moan.

you spun around to face him, breaking his trail of kisses. the look in his eyes—dark and filled with need—made your stomach twist in the best way. before he could say anything else, you grabbed his collar, pulling him down for a kiss. it was immediate and desperate, your mouths moving together as though you were starved for each other. your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging gently, and the low groan he let out only fueled the fire building inside you.

just as his hands slid lower, grazing the curve of your ass, the elevator dinged, the doors sliding open to reveal your floor. reluctantly, you pulled back, your lips swollen and your breathing heavy. jay didn’t let go of you, though, his hand finding yours again as he guided you out of the elevator.

his steps faltered slightly as he looked down the wrong hallway. “this way, right?” he asked, glancing at you with an innocent smile.

you rolled your eyes, tugging him gently in the opposite direction. “wrong way, loverboy,” you teased, your voice light despite the tension simmering between you.

he chuckled softly, following your lead, though he couldn’t resist letting his gaze wander. walking behind you, his eyes drifted to the sway of your hips, and before he could stop himself, his hand reached out to deliver a light slap to your ass. you turned your head to glare at him, though the amused smile tugging at your lips gave you away..

as you approached your apartment door, you let go of jay’s hand, fishing through your purse for your keys. your fingers fumbled slightly, whether from the alcohol, the adrenaline, or jay’s wandering hands, which had returned to your waist, sliding over your curves with deliberate slowness. his lips brushed against the shell of your ear, and you could feel his smile against your skin.

“be patient,” you teased, glancing over your shoulder to meet his heated gaze. “i’m not going anywhere.”

jay let out a low chuckle, but his hands betrayed his growing impatience, gripping your hips tighter. finally, you managed to retrieve the keys, unlocking the door with a satisfying click. before you could step inside, jay pushed the door open, his movements swift as he guided you in and closed it behind you. the door locked with a decisive snap, and just like that, the tension between you reignited.

his lips were on yours in an instant, the kiss messy and frantic. your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging just hard enough to draw a low growl from him, while his hands roamed freely, exploring every inch of you he could reach. you were drowning in him, lost in the heat of his touch and the intoxicating pull of his lips.

but just as your fingers found the buckle of his belt, jay abruptly pulled back, his hands falling to his sides as he stepped back slightly. the look on his face was one of hesitation, his brows furrowed as though he was wrestling with himself.

“are you okay?” you asked softly, your chest still heaving as you tried to catch your breath.

jay ran a hand through his hair, avoiding your gaze for a moment. “i just… are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, his voice quieter now. “we’re drunk… i just… i want our first time to be special.” his words were hesitant, uncharacteristically shy for someone usually so confident.

you blinked at him, his concerns sinking in. part of you wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it—after all, you knew exactly what you wanted, and it was him. but the sincerity in his eyes stopped you. he wasn’t just stalling for the sake of it; he truly cared.

he hesitated again, looking away as if he were afraid of your reaction. “i just don’t want this to mess things up between us. i don’t want you to regret it in the morning.”

you sighed, slipping off his jacket and hanging it neatly on a hook before toeing off your heels. “if you think that’s best, then we don’t have to do anything,” you said, stepping closer and cupping his face in your hands. “i trust you, jay.”

but despite your calm words, frustration simmered beneath the surface. he had left you on the edge, your body practically vibrating with need, and now he wanted to stop? you couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry at how ridiculous the situation was. still, you respected him too much to push.

jay bit his lip, his expression torn. “it’s not that i don’t want to,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “trust me, i’ve never wanted anything more. but…” he trailed off, his eyes darting to the floor before meeting yours again. his teasing smirk returned, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “how about we pick this up tomorrow? first thing in the morning?”

you raised an eyebrow at him, unimpressed but choosing not to argue. instead, you leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “sure,” you murmured, though your tone betrayed your irritation.

you walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, trying to cool off in more ways than one. jay followed, leaning against the counter in silence. his jaw was tense, his eyes focused on some distant point as though deep in thought. it was clear he was second-guessing his decision, his discomfort only heightened by the obvious strain in his pants.

you smirked, an idea forming in your mind. setting your glass down, you leaned over the kitchen island, deliberately arching your back to give him a perfect view of your ass. the action snapped him out of his thoughts, his eyes darkening as they locked onto you.

“i’m going to take a shower,” you said casually, flipping your hair over your shoulder to expose your neck—the same neck he had been so eager to mark earlier.

jay’s lips parted as if to say something, but he remained silent, his gaze fixed on you.

you started to walk away, throwing one last smirk over your shoulder. “goodnight, loverboy,” you teased.

“wait,” he called out, his voice strained.

you turned, feigning innocence. “yes?”

he hesitated, his fists clenching at his sides. “are you sure… we’re on the same page?”

you bit back a laugh, recognizing his internal struggle for what it was. stepping closer, you looked up at him, your lips curving into a sly smile. “sure,” you said, your tone dripping with sarcasm. “but honestly? i think you’re all talk.”

the words hit their mark, his jaw tightening as his ego flared. “fuck you,” he hissed, before pulling you against him, his lips crashing down on yours once more. his hand found your jaw, tilting your head to the side as he resumed his assault on your neck, this time with more intensity.

you grinned in success. finally, nothing was standing in your way.

he captured your lips again, his hands firm yet gentle as he guided you backward until the couch pressed against the back of your knees. without breaking the kiss, jay’s fingers skillfully found the zipper of your dress, pulling it down in one smooth motion. the fabric fell from your shoulders, pooling at your feet to reveal the black lace lingerie you’d chosen earlier that night. he pulled away momentarily, his gaze sweeping over your figure with a mix of admiration and desire.

as he began trailing kisses back toward your lips, his mouth left a burning path along your skin—starting at your thighs, teasingly brushing against your clothed heat, moving to your stomach, breasts, collarbones, and finally back to your neck. each kiss was slow and deliberate, as though he wanted to savor every inch of you. he unclasped your bra, sliding it off and tossing it carelessly to the floor before his eyes returned to your bare chest.

jay’s lips parted slightly, and for a moment, he just stared, taking in the sight of you completely exposed before him. a smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. “you’re just too perfect, aren’t you?” he murmured, his hands cupping your breasts, his thumbs brushing lightly over your sensitive peaks. “seriously, how the fuck did i get this lucky?”

his lips found your skin again, marking you as though he were leaving a map of his journey across your body. you rolled your eyes at his teasing, though a smirk of your own played on your lips.

“maybe i’m the lucky one,” you shot back, sliding your hands beneath his sweater and tugging it over his head, revealing his toned chest. the sight of his defined muscles had your pulse racing, but you didn’t let it distract you. with newfound determination, you moved to unbuckle his belt, picking up where you’d left off in the heat of the moment earlier. in one swift motion, you pulled his pants and boxers down together, his erection springing free.

the size of him caught you off guard, your eyes widening slightly as you connected the dots about the xxl condom heeseung had teased him about. jay noticed your reaction and let out a low chuckle, his confidence only growing. “looks like i wasn’t the only one talking a big game,” he teased, his smirk widening.

your gaze snapped back to his, a spark of determination flaring in your chest. you were going to prove him wrong. you sank to your knees in front of him, your fingers brushing against his thighs as you prepared to take him in your mouth, but before you could, he grabbed your waist, lifting you effortlessly and laying you back onto the couch.

“you first, princess,” he said, the nickname sending a shiver through you. he grinned at the way your body seemed to melt beneath his touch, leaning down to kiss your lips one more time before shifting lower.

his hands found the sides of your hips, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties and sliding them down your legs. the cool air against your bare skin only heightened your anticipation as he tossed the fabric aside. his gaze lingered on your glistening core, and he let out a low groan.

“fuck, you’re flawless,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “and so fucking wet.”

“just for you, seongie,” you teased, the nickname making his head tilt slightly as he bit his lip. the effect it had on him was clear, and you took advantage of it, tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling him closer. “don’t make me wait,” you whispered impatiently.

jay’s tongue traced a slow, deliberate line along your slit, and the sensation had your body trembling almost instantly. he smiled against you, the vibration of his amusement only adding to the intensity. his lips wrapped around your most sensitive spot, sucking gently before his tongue began working in circles. your back arched involuntarily, a string of soft moans spilling from your lips.

“jay,” you managed to mumble, though your voice was barely audible over the sound of your own heartbeat. hearing his name roll off your tongue so sweetly made him hum in response, the added stimulation pushing you closer to the edge.

the knot in your stomach tightened, your body reacting to every flick and stroke of his tongue. an idea sparked in your mind, and with a shaky breath, you tugged lightly at his hair, pulling him back just enough to speak. his face was glistening with your slick, his lips swollen and his pupils blown wide. he looked utterly wrecked—and you hadn’t even touched him yet.

“touch yourself,” you said breathlessly, your voice laced with both a command and a plea.

his lips curled into a smirk, but he didn’t hesitate. one hand disappeared between his legs as he dove back in, his tongue working you over with renewed vigor. the combination of his moans and yours filled the room, each sound pushing you both closer to your breaking points. your hips bucked against his face, seeking more, and he didn’t hold back, gripping your thighs to keep you steady as he devoured you.

the tension in your core finally snapped, and your release crashed over you in waves, your body trembling as you cried out his name. jay groaned against you, his movements slowing as he licked you clean, savoring every drop of your climax. his own hand stilled, though it was clear he was still achingly hard.

when he pulled back, his face was flushed, his lips parted as he caught his breath. his gaze locked onto yours, his eyes dark with unspoken need.

you reached out, brushing your fingers against his jaw. “my turn,” you murmured, a mischievous glint in your eye.

jay leaned back against the couch, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. a satisfied smirk played on his lips, a mixture of pride and disbelief settling in as he replayed the last few minutes in his mind. he couldn’t help but feel impressed with himself for holding it together as long as he had—especially considering how hard it was not to lose control the moment you kissed him in the cab. inwardly, he gave himself a silent pat on the back.

you, however, weren’t finished. sitting up on shaky legs, you closed the gap between you, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. it was messy and unrestrained, your tongue brushing against his as you tasted yourself on his lips. the act alone sent another wave of arousal through your body, and jay groaned into the kiss, his fingers grazing your jaw to pull you closer.

breaking the kiss, you slid down onto your knees in front of him. jay’s dark eyes followed you, his body tense with anticipation as his chest heaved. his gaze was heavy, and you could see the thin layer of sweat glistening on his skin. he leaned back into the couch, spreading his legs slightly to give you better access. the weight of his arousal was evident, his cock flushed and rigid, standing tall between his thighs.

you started slow, trailing light kisses along the inside of his thighs. his muscles twitched under your touch, and a low groan escaped his lips. your fingers wrapped around his length, stroking him gently as you worked your way closer. jay tilted his head back, his eyes fluttering shut as he let the sensation wash over him. but that wasn’t what you wanted. you wanted his attention—all of it.

you paused abruptly, releasing him from your grasp. his eyes snapped open, the confusion and slight panic evident as he looked down at you. “what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice husky and laced with concern.

you tilted your head, your tone firm but teasing as you commanded, “look at me.”

jay’s brows furrowed, and a soft, involuntary moan slipped from his lips. there was something about the dominance in your voice, the way you took control, that drove him wild. “yes, ma’am,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes locking with yours.

satisfied with his obedience, you resumed your teasing, your tongue flicking out to lick a slow line from the base of his shaft to the tip. your movements were deliberate, your eyes never leaving his as you circled the sensitive head with your tongue, tasting the salty bead of precum that had already formed. his breath hitched, and his hands clenched at his sides as he fought to keep himself grounded.

when you finally took him into your mouth, jay’s hand instinctively found its way to your hair. he gathered it into a ponytail, his grip firm yet careful, as though he were afraid of hurting you. you started slow, taking as much of him as you could manage, though his size made it a challenge. your cheeks hollowed as you sucked, and jay let out a deep groan, his hips shifting slightly.

“fuck,” he muttered, his voice strained as he tried to keep himself in check. but the sight of you on your knees, your lips wrapped around him, was too much. his resolve was crumbling, and he knew it.

each time you slid him deeper into your mouth, the tip of his cock brushed against the back of your throat, making you gag softly. jay noticed your struggle and let out a low chuckle, his voice tinged with both amusement and lust. “you’re doing so good, baby,” he praised, his hand gently guiding your movements as he pushed and pulled on your hair.

you used one hand to stroke the length you couldn’t take, your movements synchronized with the bobbing of your head. occasionally, you pulled back to catch your breath, your hand continuing to work him as you pressed kisses and sucked lightly along his length, teasing him further. jay was a mess, his lips parted as he panted, his head falling back against the couch. his other hand gripped the cushion tightly as he tried to keep himself together.

“let me hear you, jay,” you murmured, your voice soft but commanding. “don’t hold it back.”

his head snapped back up at your words, his dark eyes meeting yours as he finally let go. a string of deep, guttural moans poured from his lips, each one making your core tighten with need. the sounds of his pleasure were addictive, spurring you on as you sucked harder, your cheeks hollowing to intensify the sensation.

you quickened your pace, your hand and mouth working together seamlessly. jay’s grip on your hair tightened slightly, his hips bucking up involuntarily as he lost himself in the pleasure. “fuck, baby, i’m close,” he warned, his voice shaky and breathless.

with one final swirl of your tongue around his tip and a firm stroke of your hand, jay’s body tensed. his release came in hot, thick spurts down your throat, and you swallowed every drop without hesitation. his moans echoed through the room, raw and unrestrained, as his body shuddered from the intensity of his climax.

you pulled back slowly, licking your lips and catching any stray drops that had escaped. jay looked completely wrecked, his chest heaving as he tried to regain his composure. his head lolled back against the couch, and his eyes fluttered shut as a satisfied groan escaped his lips.

but you weren’t done. the ache between your legs was unbearable, and the sight of jay so undone only made it worse. your thighs pressed together instinctively, trying to find some relief, but it wasn’t enough.

jay opened his eyes, his gaze heavy with exhaustion but still laced with hunger. he noticed the way you were squirming, your need evident in the way you looked at him. a lazy smirk spread across his face. “looks like someone needs a little more attention,” he teased, his voice low and teasing. you bit your lip, your cheeks flushing slightly as you nodded.

jay reached out, his fingers brushing against your cheek before trailing down your body. “then let me take care of you,” he murmured, his smirk shifting into a soft, genuine smile.

jay smirked at the match of energy you gave him, his hands resting on your hips as you slowly adjusted yourself in his lap to straddle him. your eyes locked, the unspoken tension in the air making your breaths heavier before you leaned in, capturing his lips in a kiss that was far more heated than the ones before. it was raw, passionate, and both of you couldn’t help the soft moans that escaped into each other's mouths as you tasted the combined remnants of yourselves on each other’s tongues.

his hands traveled down your body, settling on your ass and squeezing firmly. the action made you gasp against his lips, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss further. when he broke away, he trailed his lips back down to your chest, focusing his attention on your breasts once more, kissing, sucking, and lightly biting the sensitive flesh. sweet hums slipped from your lips as your fingers tangled in his hair, keeping him exactly where you wanted him.

you started grinding against him slowly, your arousal evident as you rubbed yourself along his length, desperate for more. jay groaned into your skin, his hands moving to hold your hips firmly in place. one of his hands slid down between your thighs, his fingers finding your clit and circling it softly, the touch sending jolts of electricity through your body.

you pulled his lips back to yours for another deep, messy kiss, the moan in your throat muffled as you whispered, “please, jay.”

he froze for a moment, your plea echoing in his mind. he didn’t even need you to beg, but hearing those words fall from your lips so willingly ignited something deep inside him. "fuck, princess," he murmured against your lips before leaning forward to reach for his pants, holding you steady with one hand so you wouldn’t fall back.

jay pulled out a condom from his pocket, his lips quirking into a grin. you laughed softly, tilting your head back. “how ironic,” you teased. “i was wondering why you didn’t take the ones from hee earlier. now i guess i know why.”

he laughed against your shoulder, his breath warm on your skin. “you’re making me look crazy, like i planned this whole thing from the start.”

you bit your lip, trying to keep a straight face but failing miserably. “you didn’t?” you asked, feigning offense.

“it spawned in my pocket, okay? end of topic,” he quipped, his grin wide. “now kiss me and forget we even had this conversation.”

you shook your head, laughing, but complied, leaning in to kiss him deeply as he fumbled to open the condom behind your back. once it was ready, he leaned back slightly, rolling it on before meeting your gaze.

placing your hands on his shoulders, you slowly lifted yourself, adjusting to align yourself with him. the anticipation built as you began to lower yourself, his tip stretching you inch by inch. you both groaned at the overwhelming sensation, your tightness making it difficult to take him in completely.

jay’s hand came up to stroke your head gently, his thumb brushing soothingly along your temple. “slow down, princess,” he murmured, his tone soft and reassuring. “i’m not going anywhere.”

his words sent a wave of calm through you, allowing you to relax and adjust. a small giggle escaped your lips, and jay smirked at the sound, pleased to see you loosening up. with a deep breath, you lowered yourself fully, gasping as he filled you completely. his hands settled back on your hips, his eyes scanning your face for any sign of discomfort.

“you’re doing so good, baby,” he praised, his voice filled with genuine admiration. the way he said it, so sweet and sincere, made you lean forward and kiss him again, your lips pressing against his in a needy, desperate way. slowly, you began to move, grinding yourself up and down his length.

the initial sting of pain dissolved into pure pleasure as you found your rhythm, your hips rolling fluidly against him. jay met your movements halfway, his own hips snapping up to match your pace. his grip on your waist tightened as his other hand trailed up to cup your breast, his thumb brushing over your sensitive nipple.

the sounds in the room were sinful—breathless moans, gasps, and the slick sound of your bodies meeting in perfect harmony. your brows furrowed, your lips parting as waves of pleasure rippled through you. jay cursed under his breath at the sight of you, his own restraint faltering as he felt his release creeping closer.

“fuck, you’re perfect,” he groaned, leaning forward to capture your lips once again. his lips trailed down your jawline to your neck, where he nipped and kissed, leaving faint marks behind. the added sensation made you tremble, and your movements quickened, your thighs burning as you chased your high.

jay’s fingers found your clit again, rubbing circles against it in time with your thrusts. the overwhelming pleasure sent you over the edge, a loud, broken moan escaping your lips as you came undone. jay wasn’t far behind, his grip on your hips tightening as he buried himself deep inside you, releasing with a guttural groan.

you collapsed against his chest, both of you struggling to catch your breath as you came down from the high. your foreheads rested together, your sweaty skin sticking slightly as you shared soft, lazy kisses. the silence that followed was peaceful, filled with nothing but the sound of your heavy breathing.

jay broke the quiet first, his voice soft and unsure. “be my girlfriend?”

you laughed lightly, lifting your head to look at him. “you should’ve asked that before we had sex,” you teased, your tone playful.

jay’s face lit up with laughter, his deep chuckles shaking both of your bodies. “okay, fair,” he admitted, nodding. “may i be your boyfriend, then?” he asked again, this time with a slight pout that made your heart flutter.

you smirked, pretending to think it over. “you’re getting closer…”

he tilted his head, pretending to be deep in thought before blurting out, “be my wife.”

you laughed, poking his chest. “that’s a little forward, don’t you think?” you teased. then, softening, you added, “but… yes.”

jay’s eyes lit up, and he pulled you into a deep, passionate kiss, his hands cradling your face as he grinned against your lips. the moment was interrupted by the sharp sound of a phone ringing. jay groaned in frustration, leaning back to grab his phone from where it had fallen in his pants.

when he checked the screen, both of your eyes locked on the caller ID. “cupids' worst minion?” you giggled, amused at the nickname.

jay sighed. “jake,” he muttered, earning a laugh from you. “he’s the worst at giving advice... but i guess it worked out. might have to rethink that nickname later.”

he answered the call, putting it on speaker. “oh, god, jay, you picked up?” jake’s voice came through, laced with panic. “i don’t know if that’s a good sign.”

you giggled as jay rolled his eyes. in the background, you could hear faint laughter and the unmistakable voices of the rest of the group. “ayo, you busy right now?” jungwon’s voice cut through, and you both exchanged amused looks.

“kinda, yeah,” jay replied, smirking at you.

“okay, i’ll be quick,” jungwon said hurriedly. “how’s it going with your future wife? hee and jake told us everything—details and all—and i’m losing it. give us an update!”

both you and jay burst into laughter, the sound making the other line fall silent. jay smirked at the phone. “yeah, we’re locked in,” he said confidently.

silence followed for a beat before the loudest cheering erupted from the other end. you and jay laughed along with them, the sound of your shared joy filling the room.

[nevernonline]

✧.* secret love story; hjs

synopsis: the city has a way of weaving lives together, even when it feels like it's tearing them apart. joshua, the son of a powerful and conservative politician, and Y/N, a passionate artist pursuing her dream, find their paths entwined in the most unexpected way. despite their connection, their worlds could not be further apart.

paring: joshua x fem! reader. 

genre:strangers2whatever (hehe)  

warning/s:mentions of substances (alcohol) , swearing (? lol ), some nsfw stuff but not in grand details.

word count: 17k

content: . non-idol idolings.

note: non rlly edited prob weird typos, xo. 

The streets were alive that evening, thrumming with energy as crowds poured into the city’s arts district. The gallery’s entrance was understated, almost hidden among a row of boutique stores and cafes. Inside, warm light illuminated canvases that stretched across stark white walls. Each piece was a portal into a world of raw emotion—anger, love, despair, and hope.  

Y/N stood near the back of the room, dressed simply but elegantly in a flowy black dress, her hands clasped nervously. Tonight was important; her first big showcase had attracted more guests than she expected, and among them were critics, buyers, and fellow artists. She felt both exhilarated and overwhelmed.  

Joshua had no intention of being there. He wasn’t the art-gallery type. The night had started with a stiff political dinner where his father delivered a speech on preserving “traditional values.” Desperate for an escape, he wandered the streets until the flicker of light and soft murmur of voices and sounds of champagne bottles opening from the gallery caught his attention.  

The moment Joshua stepped inside, he felt like he had entered a new world. The hum of conversation was softer here, the clinking of glasses muted against the depth of the paintings. One in particular stopped him in his tracks—a portrait of two figures barely touching, their faces turned away from one another, as if trying to reach across an invisible barrier.  

“That one’s called Longing,” came a voice behind him.  

Joshua turned to see Y/N standing there, a faint smile on her face. He noticed the paint smudges on her fingers before he registered her striking presence.  

“It’s sort of haunting,” he said, almost in a whisper, his eyes returning to the painting. “There’s so much emotion in it. Like they want something they can’t have.”  

Y/N studied him for a moment, intrigued. Most visitors offered polite compliments, but this stranger seemed to feel the weight of her work.  

“That’s exactly it,” she said, stepping closer. “It’s about the space between people. How it can feel like a canyon, even when you’re standing right next to someone.”  

Their eyes met, and for a brief moment, the rest of the gallery seemed to fade.  

“Did you paint this?” Joshua asked.  

Y/N nodded. “I did.”  

“You’ve captured something… I didn’t think anyone else understood.” His voice was laced with an honesty that caught her off guard.  

As Y/N and Joshua wandered deeper into the gallery, their steps fell into an unspoken rhythm. The crowd ebbed and flowed around them, but it was as if they existed in their own pocket of space, where time slowed and words felt heavier.  

They stopped in front of a painting that was dominated by shades of crimson and deep blues, abstract brushstrokes that swirled and collided. The image was chaotic, almost violent, but there was a strange harmony in the madness.  

“This one’s intense,” Joshua murmured, tilting his head as he tried to decipher the emotions bleeding through the canvas.  

“Yeah. It’s called Collision,” Y/N said, folding her arms loosely. “It’s about how love and destruction can feel like the same thing sometimes.”  

Joshua’s eyes flicked to hers. “That’s a lot to admit.”  

Y/N shrugged, a faint smile playing on her lips. “Art is honesty, right? Even when it hurts.”  

He nodded, his gaze lingering on her longer than it should have. “And did it hurt when you painted it?”  

For a moment, Y/N hesitated. It wasn’t a question most people would ask. She saw something in Joshua’s expression—a quiet understanding, as if he wasn’t just asking about the painting but about her.  

“It did,” she said finally, her voice softer now. “But sometimes you have to let life hurt. Otherwise, you never move past it.”  

Joshua opened his mouth to reply but stopped himself. Instead, he turned back to the painting, his hands sliding into his pockets.  

“I get that,” he said after a moment. “I think most people spend their lives trying to avoid feeling too much. But you seem to embrace it.”  

Y/N’s chest tightened at his words. There was something disarming about the way he saw her, like he wasn’t just a passerby admiring her art but someone who wanted to understand the soul behind it.  

They moved to the next piece, a softer, more intimate painting of two hands reaching for each other across a sea of golden light.  

“This one’s different,” Joshua said, stepping closer. “It feels hopeful.”  

Y/N smiled. “You’re good at this.”  

“At what?”  

“Seeing things that other people miss.”  

Joshua chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe I’m just looking for things I need to see.”  

They lingered in front of the painting, their shoulders almost brushing. The conversation shifted, becoming lighter as they talked about their favorite colors, the books they loved, and the places they dreamed of visiting. Y/N told him about the inspiration behind her pieces—how they were often born from fleeting moments of emotion or memories she couldn’t shake. Joshua, in turn, shared small glimpses of his life, though he carefully avoided details that would reveal who he really was.  

At one point, they reached a painting that was tucked into a quieter corner of the gallery. It was smaller than the others, almost an afterthought, but it drew Joshua’s attention immediately. The image was of a single, delicate flower growing through a crack in a concrete sidewalk.  

“This one’s yours too?” he asked, leaning in to study the fine details.  

Y/N nodded. “Resilience.”  

Joshua smiled faintly. “I like it. There’s something defiant about it. Like it refuses to let the world crush it.”  

Y/N glanced at him, surprised by the depth of his observation. “That’s exactly what I was going for.”  

Their eyes met, and for a moment, the noise of the gallery melted away. The connection between them was palpable, a quiet understanding that neither of them could explain.  

“You’ve got a gift,” Joshua said, his voice low.  

Y/N felt a warmth spread through her chest, but she quickly deflected, unsure how to handle the intensity of his gaze. “Well, if this whole politics thing doesn’t work out for you, you’ve got a future as an art critic.”  

Joshua laughed, the sound warm and genuine. “Noted.”  

As the night wore on, the crowd began to thin, but Joshua stayed by her side, moving from one painting to the next. Y/N found herself laughing more easily than she had in weeks, her initial nerves replaced by a sense of comfort she hadn’t expected.  

By the time they reached the last piece, a large abstract mural filled with vibrant yellows and oranges, Y/N realized she didn’t want the night to end. But as she turned to Joshua, she noticed the way his smile faltered, a flicker of hesitation crossing his face.  

“Everything okay?” she asked softly.  

Joshua nodded, but his eyes betrayed a storm of thoughts. “Yeah,” he said, his voice quieter now. “Sometimes you meet someone, and it feels like everything makes sense for a little while.”  

Y/N’s breath hitched. She wasn’t sure what to say, so she said nothing, letting the moment stretch between them.  

When they finally returned to the front of the gallery, Joshua paused at the door.  

“Thank you for tonight,” he said, his expression earnest. “Your work is incredible. And so are you.”  

That night, as Y/N cleaned up the gallery, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something significant had just begun—something both exhilarating and dangerous. Meanwhile, Joshua walked aimlessly through the city streets, replaying their conversation in his mind, already yearning for the next time he might see her.  

The days that followed their first meeting felt like a blur to Y/N. Her days were filled with painting, organizing new art shows, and dealing with the steady flow of clients who wanted to buy her work. But at night, when the city quieted and she was alone with her thoughts, all she could think about was her encounter with Joshua.  

It wasn’t just his compliments or the way he seemed to understand her art so deeply. It was the unspoken connection between them—the way their conversations flowed, how easy it was to talk to him, even when they barely knew each other. She found herself replaying their last conversation in her head, especially the way he’d spoken about “making sense” in the brief moments they shared.  

On the third evening after their gallery encounter, Y/N found herself standing in front of the window of her studio, staring out at the glittering skyline. It was late, past midnight, and the city hummed softly beneath the pale moonlight. She had just finished a new piece, but her mind kept returning to that last look Joshua had given her—the subtle sadness in his eyes, as if he had more to say but couldn’t.  

Then, as if summoned by her thoughts, her phone buzzed.  

It was a message from an unknown number.  

“I can’t stop thinking about your work. About you. Would you like to meet again? I know a quiet spot where we can talk more.” 

It took Y/N a moment to process it. The message was simple but deliberate. She didn’t even have to check the number; she already knew who it was. Joshua.  

Her heart skipped a beat, but she quickly typed a response:  

“I’d like that. But how’d you get my number”  

Just as quickly as she could put her phone down two quick messages pinged back. 

“I have my ways. Haha.” 

“Just kidding, I took one of your business cards.” 

Later that night, Y/N made her way through the city streets, the cool air brushing against her skin. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but something about the idea of seeing him again felt right. It was like they were both caught in the same pull, a magnetic force neither could fully resist.  

The place Joshua had mentioned was a small, dimly lit café tucked away on a side street—a hidden gem most people passed by without noticing. The sign outside read La Lune, a name that seemed to shimmer against the dark backdrop of the city.  

When Y/N stepped inside, the soft scent of freshly brewed coffee, homemade spirits and pastries enveloped her. The café had a cozy, intimate feel, with small round tables lit by flickering candles. There was only one other couple in the corner, deep in conversation, leaving the rest of the space open and quiet.  

Joshua was sitting near the window, a cup of coffee in front of him. He looked different from the last time she’d seen him—more relaxed, his usual guarded expression replaced by something warmer, more open. He looked up when she entered, and for a moment, they simply stared at each other.  

“Hi,” he said softly, a small smile tugging at his lips.  

Y/N’s heart raced in her chest, but she returned his smile, walking over to join him. “Hi,” she said, sitting down.  

“You look different tonight,” he commented, his gaze flickering over her. There was something in his eyes that made her feel like he was seeing not just her face but the person she was, the one she usually kept hidden behind layers of quiet confidence and artistic passion.  

“I could say the same about you,” Y/N replied, her voice low, almost shy. “There’s a kind of peace about you. Like you’re finally able to breathe. Maybe it’s also the jeans and the hoodie, a bit of both.”  

Joshua chuckled, the sound rich and genuine. “Maybe I am.” He paused, looking down at his coffee, as if unsure of how to continue. “Y/n..”  

She looked at him, sensing the shift in his tone. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to talk to you about something,” he said, his voice catching a little. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to steady his nerves. This wasn’t easy, not by any means. “I don’t want to hide from you. I don’t want you to feel like this is just some secret thing.”

She tilted her head, her gaze curious but understanding. “Joshua, you’re not making sense.”

“I know,” he said, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment. He took a deep breath. “It’s just, the thing is, my family, my life—everything is so controlled, so planned. It’s like I’m not even my own person sometimes.”

Y/N stepped closer, her eyes softening. She knew that feeling all too well, the sense of being trapped by expectations.

Joshua’s hand clenched into a fist before he let it go, trying to calm himself. “My father. He’s a politician. A big one. He’s running for a major office, and everything about my life is about appearances. About what fits the image he wants to project. The last thing he would ever approve of is… well, us.” He paused, unsure how to say it without it sounding like an excuse. “My father’s life is a brand. And I’m just a part of that brand.”

Y/N’s heart ached as she listened. She could see the struggle in his eyes, the way he wrestled with the burden of his family’s expectations. It was as though every word he said about his father was another weight on his shoulders.

“But you’re not your father,” Y/N said softly, almost to herself. She placed a gentle hand on his arm, her touch warm and steady. “You’re your own person, Joshua.”

He looked at her, his expression a mixture of frustration and uncertainty. “I know. But it’s hard to escape that. My dad… he doesn’t just want me to follow his path. He needs me to. Everything I do is calculated. Every relationship, every choice, every word. He has plans for me, for what he wants me to be.” He let out a shaky breath, his voice quieter now. “And that includes who I’m with.”

Y/N felt the depth of his confession like a weight on her own chest. She understood better now why he had been so reserved, why there had been that flicker of hesitation in his eyes when they first met. He wasn’t just trying to keep a secret about himself; he was trying to protect them both from a world that would never let them just be.

Joshua swallowed hard, his eyes locked onto hers. “I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to think I’m playing some kind of game with you. That this… what we have…” He trailed off, his voice thick with emotion. “I know it’s complicated. But I can’t lie to you anymore.”

Y/N, for the first time since their first meeting, saw Joshua for who he truly was—someone who was desperately trying to hold on to a sliver of freedom in a world that demanded conformity. And yet, despite all of that, he had chosen to be with her.

She reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. “I’m not asking you to choose, Joshua. I’m not asking you to tear apart your life or go against your father. But I want to know the truth. If this is something we’re going to do, then I want us to be honest. No more secrets. No more hiding.”

Joshua’s breath caught in his throat. He had never imagined someone could understand him like this—someone who saw the conflict within him and didn’t push him away.

“I want that too,” he whispered, his thumb brushing lightly against her knuckles. “I just don’t know what it’ll mean for us. What it’ll cost.”

Y/N leaned in slightly, meeting his gaze. “But, what happens if we’re caught? What happens if the world finds out about us?”  

Joshua’s eyes darkened, but there was no hesitation in his voice when he answered. “I don’t know. But I do know that right now, at this moment, none of that matters. We’re here. Together.”  

And in that moment, as their gazes locked, the world outside seemed to fall away. The noise of the city, the looming pressures of their separate lives, all disappeared. There was only the soft light of the café, the shared silence between them, and the undeniable pull of something that was just beginning to blossom.  

Y/N took a deep breath, her heart racing. “Alright,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Let’s see where this goes.”  

Joshua’s smile was the answer, and in that smile, she saw the promise of something neither of them could yet fully comprehend—but something they both wanted to explore.  

They spent hours there, talking about everything and nothing. It wasn’t just the art anymore; it was their thoughts, their fears, their dreams. They didn’t have all the answers, but they were learning to trust each other, bit by bit.  

And when the café began to empty, they stood together, reluctantly, as if the moment would stretch on forever.   

As they parted outside the café, the night air was cool, but the warmth of their conversation lingered, a promise of what might come. Before parting Joshua bent down kissing her softly on her cheek before escaping around the corner to meet his driver leaving her again in silence. Bud somewhere deep inside, they both knew they had crossed an invisible line. There was no going back now.

Their third encounter wasn’t planned at all. It was late, nearing midnight, when Y/N was walking down the familiar streets near her studio. Her thoughts were still clouded with the conversation they'd shared, her heart torn between the feelings she was developing for Joshua and the practical realities of their situation. How much longer could they keep pretending that the world around them wasn’t watching?

As she passed by the park, her phone buzzed in her pocket. The message was from an unknown number again.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about our last conversation. Can we meet tonight? I know it’s late, but I really need to talk to you. Just for a while.”

It was Joshua, and though the request was simple, there was an urgency to his words that tugged at her heart.

Without a second thought, she typed back: “I’m on my way. Where should I meet you?”

A moment later, he replied: “The rooftop of the building on 7th and Broadway. I’ll be waiting.”

Y/N arrived at the address in less than ten minutes. She took the elevator to the top floor, stepping out into the cool, crisp night air. The building was tall, overlooking the city skyline with the faint hum of traffic far below. Joshua was standing near the edge, his silhouette outlined by the lights of the city, but his focus was on the stars above.

"Joshua?" she called out softly.

He turned, his face lighting up as he saw her approach. He looked different tonight—more vulnerable, his eyes were slightly red, as if he’d been awake for hours, lost in thought.

"Hey," he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. "Thank you for coming." He stepped aside, allowing her to join him by the ledge. The cool breeze tousled his hair as he looked out over the city, his jaw tight.

Y/N could sense something was weighing heavily on him. "What’s going on, Josh?" Her voice was calm, but her heart beat a little faster, sensing the tension in the air.

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. "I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m complicating things more than they need to be, but I can’t keep pretending. I’ve spent my entire life following orders, fitting into a role that was decided for me before I could even understand what it meant to be free. And all of that changed when I met you." His voice dropped to a whisper as he turned to face her. "I didn’t expect to care this much. I didn’t expect you to mean this much to me."

Y/N’s heart twisted as she listened to him, her chest aching with the weight of his words.

"Joshua," she began, her voice soft but steady, "I told you yesterday, I’m not asking you to choose between me and your family. I know it’s complicated. But I need you to be honest with me. Completely honest." She took a small step toward him, closing the distance. "What’s really going on?"

He looked at her, eyes searching hers for a moment, before his gaze fell. "My father… he’s pushing me to follow in his footsteps. To run for office. To become what he always wanted me to be—a political heir, someone who will represent his legacy. I’ve done everything for him, for years, without questioning it." He ran a shaky hand through his hair again, his frustration palpable. "And now that I’ve met you I can’t keep lying to myself. I don’t know how to balance the two, Y/N. My father’s expectations and what I feel when I’m with you. The life he’s created for me, and the life I want to build for myself."

Y/N felt the weight of his words, understanding the gravity of the decision that was looming over him. "So what does that mean for us?" Her voice cracked ever so slightly. She hated that question, but she had to ask it—because if this was something real, they couldn’t just ignore the obstacles.

Joshua looked at her, his expression one of both sorrow and determination. "It means that I’m torn, Y/N. It means that I can’t walk away from my family, no matter how much I want to. But it also means that I can’t keep pretending that I don’t want this, that I don’t want you."

For a long moment, the world felt like it stood still. The city lights shimmered below them, but the weight of their conversation filled the air between them. Y/N didn’t know what to say at first. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him that it was going to be okay, but she didn’t know if it would be.

"You don’t have to choose right now," Y/N said finally, her voice steady but tender. "I won’t push you. But I need to know if you’re going to let me in. If you’re going to let this go somewhere."

Joshua reached out, taking her hand in his, his thumb gently brushing over her knuckles. "I am. I want to. But I’m scared. If I choose this, I could lose everything. And I’m not sure I’m ready to lose it all."

Y/N squeezed his hand in return, looking up at the stars. "Then we’ll take it one step at a time. We’ll figure it out. But I need you to be honest with me. No more secrets."

Joshua’s eyes softened, a mixture of relief and apprehension in them. "I promise. No more secrets."

The night on the rooftop was heavy with unspoken emotions. The city beneath them seemed to hold its breath, the lights from the streets below flickering like distant stars. Y/N and Joshua sat closely together, wrapped in the shared weight of their conversation. The air between them was thick, but despite the tension, there was an undeniable connection—something that was only growing stronger with each passing moment.

Joshua’s hand remained in hers, a silent gesture of reassurance. He had opened up about the impossible choice between his father’s expectations and what he wanted for himself. But as they sat there, surrounded by the vastness of the night sky, he could feel the pull of both worlds, tugging at him in different directions.

Y/N, sensing the internal battle raging within him, looked at him with a soft, steady gaze. Her heart ached for him, but she knew this wasn’t just about her and him—it was about the life he had been forced to live for so long, the cage built by his family’s demands. It was a cage she couldn’t just break down for him. He had to find his way out.

"Josh," she began, her voice quiet but unwavering, "I don’t expect everything to be easy. I know there are things in your life you’re still figuring out. And I won’t pretend that it’s not complicated. But…" She paused, squeezing his hand gently, "I’m okay with us being a secret for now. I’m okay with whatever pace you need to go at."

He looked at her, eyes wide with disbelief. "Y/N, you don’t—"

"No," she interrupted softly, her voice firm but kind. "I know you didn’t ask for this. You didn’t ask for me to be a part of all this crazy ass mess." She hesitated, searching for the right words. "But I’m okay with it. I understand the pressure you’re under, the weight of your family and everything they expect from you. I know you can’t just throw all of that away, not yet. And if that means we need to keep this between us, just for a while, I’m okay with that."

Joshua stood there, struck by the calmness in her voice. The way she spoke, with such grace and understanding, made him feel both guilty and relieved at the same time. He had been so focused on what he might lose that he hadn’t considered what he could still gain. Y/N wasn’t pushing him. She wasn’t demanding him to choose between her and his family. She was simply giving him space to figure it out.

“I don’t want to drag you into something messy,” he said, his voice low. “You deserve more than that. You deserve someone who can be fully present with you. Not someone who has to hide, who can’t give you all of them.”

Y/N shook her head, her eyes meeting him with such sincerity that it took his breath away. “I’m not asking for all of you right now. I’m asking for what you can give. And if that means a little distance, a little secrecy, I can handle that. I don’t need you to be perfect.. I just need you to be real. That’s all I want. And if it’s just us for now, at this moment, I’m okay with that.”

Her words were like a balm to his restless soul, soothing the anxiety that had been gnawing at him since they’d met. The weight of his father’s expectations, the pressure of his family’s desires, it had all been consuming. But here, with Y/N—this unexpected, complex, beautiful woman—he felt the possibility of something different. Something real.

Joshua’s throat tightened as he fought back the overwhelming rush of emotion. “I don’t deserve that,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“Don’t say that,” Y/N replied, her voice gentle yet firm. “You don’t have to be perfect to deserve someone or something, Joshua. We all have our struggles, our burdens. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the good things that come into our lives. I don’t expect you to have it all figured out. I just expect us to keep being honest with each other.”

The simplicity of her words struck him deep in his chest. He had been so afraid of losing everything—his family, his reputation, his future—that he hadn’t realized what was in front of him: someone who cared for him enough to give him time. Someone who wasn’t trying to force him into a corner but was willing to walk beside him, patiently, as he navigated the mess of his own life.

"You're willing to wait?" Joshua asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Y/N nodded, her eyes never leaving his. “I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. But only if you’re being true to yourself. If you’re honest with me, with us. That’s the only condition. I can’t be a part of something where there’s no truth.”

Joshua took a deep breath, finally feeling the relief of not carrying this weight alone. He had spent so long living in the shadow of his family’s expectations, not daring to reach for anything of his own. But with Y/N, he could feel the space to breathe. To be himself. Even if it had to be in secret for now.

"Then I promise you, no more secrets," he said, his voice steady and determined. "I can’t promise when or how, but I’ll figure this out. I’ll do it for me… and for you."

Y/N smiled softly, her fingers gently tracing the back of his hand. “That’s all I need from you. And whatever happens, we’ll handle it together.”

For the first time since they had met, Joshua felt a spark of hope in his chest. The future was uncertain, yes, but with Y/N beside him—even if only in the quiet moments they shared in secret—he felt like he could face whatever came next.

The night stretched on, the soft wind blowing through their hair as they stood side by side on the rooftop, their hearts racing in tandem with the unspoken bond they were forming. There was no easy answer, no perfect solution to their complicated lives, but in that moment, under the stars, they both knew they were no longer alone.

The days following their rooftop conversation were a mixture of clarity and confusion. Joshua had promised to be true to himself and to her, and Y/N had given him the space to navigate his complicated life. The truth of their situation was clear—there were forces at play beyond their control, pulling them in different directions. But their bond was undeniable.

The world around them continued to churn, but in the small moments they shared, they found a sanctuary from the noise. Every secret phone call and text, every late night conversation, every touch held more meaning than any overt declaration. But as the days passed, Y/N began to feel the weight of their secret growing heavier, even if she hadn’t voiced it to him.

It was a Tuesday evening when Joshua reached out again. He hadn’t been as present the past few days, consumed by meetings with his father and the increasing pressure from his family. Y/N knew better than to demand answers right away. She had learned to let him come to her in his own time. But tonight, she felt a familiar pull—an invitation to meet, one that didn’t need to be spoken.

They agreed to meet at a quiet spot on the edge of town. The kind of place where no one would recognize them, and for a few stolen hours, they could pretend like the world wasn’t watching.

When Y/N walked in, she spotted him immediately. He was sitting at the back, his posture tense as usual, though his gaze softened when he saw her approach. As she slid into the seat opposite him, he reached out and took her hand, placing a kiss on her palm, his touch warm but reluctant, he feared she might disappear if he let go.

“I’m glad you came,” Joshua said quietly, a faint smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "I needed to see you. Badly"

Y/N smiled back, though there was something in her chest that felt tight. "Of course. How’s everything going with your father?" she asked, trying to gauge where he was emotionally, where they stood.

Joshua’s smile faltered, and for the first time in days, he looked like the weight of the world was pressing down on him. “It's really not great. The pressure’s getting worse. He’s set his sights on me running for office next year. I can't escape it, Y/N. Every conversation, every meeting, it all comes back to what he fucking wants for me, not what I want for myself."

Y/N’s heart sank. She knew how much he wanted to carve out his own path, to escape the shadow of his family’s empire. She had heard the desperation in his voice on the rooftop—he was battling not just his father’s expectations, but his own sense of who he was and what he was becoming.

"I can’t make that decision for you," she said, her voice steady. "But I do know this—you don’t have to figure it all out alone. I’m here, Joshua. I told you before that  want you to be honest with me, but I also want to help you, however I can."

Joshua squeezed her hand, his eyes holding hers with a mixture of gratitude and uncertainty. "I don’t know what you see in me, Y/N," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "I feel like I’m falling apart, and I don’t want to drag you down with me. You deserve someone who’s free to give you everything. But I can’t walk away from you. I can’t let you go."

The raw honesty in his words made Y/N’s chest tighten. She had never expected an easy journey, not with the weight of his world pressing on them both, but hearing his confession—his fears, his doubts—made her feel both helpless and resolved. She was willing to wait, to let him find his way, but it was hard, harder than she had anticipated. She wanted him to choose her, but she knew it wasn’t that simple.

"I’m not asking for all of you right now," she said softly. "I can handle that. But I can’t be invisible forever, Joshua. I need to know that when this all comes to a head, you’re choosing us."

Joshua’s eyes darkened as he heard the unspoken fear in her voice. “I don’t want to lose you. But I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. I feel like I’m suffocating in this life, in this expectation. And every time I try to make a choice for myself, for us, it feels like there’s something I’ll lose.” His hand, still holding hers, trembled slightly.

Y/N took a deep breath, her voice firm. "I don’t expect you to give up everything. But I need to know that you’re willing to take the risk, Joshua. That when the time comes, you won’t let fear hold you back from what could be right in front of you."

He was silent for a long moment, lost in thought, before he spoke again, his voice tight with emotion. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to please people, trying to be what everyone else wants me to be. But when I’m with you, I feel like I’m someone else. Someone I could be proud of. But then reality hits, and I realize how impossible it all seems."

Y/N’s heart ached. She could see the internal struggle in his eyes, the pull between his desire for freedom and the loyalty to a life that had been carved out for him long before he even understood the weight of it.

“I’m not asking you to be perfect, Joshua,” she said gently.

Joshua’s eyes searched hers, as though trying to gauge the sincerity of her words. "Are you sure you can handle this? I’m not asking you to wait forever. I’m just asking for time."

Y/N smiled softly, her thumb brushing over his hand, the small, tender gesture a stark contrast to the heaviness of the conversation. She could feel his fingers trembling, the silent weight of his uncertainty pressing down on them both. It was one of those moments where words felt both inadequate and necessary, where honesty, however painful, was the only thing that could bridge the distance between them.

"I’m not asking for forever, either," she said quietly, her voice steady despite the tumult of emotions swirling inside her.

She looked up at him then, meeting his gaze with an openness that seemed to both reassure and break her at the same time. “I’m not asking you to make any big decisions right now. All I want is for you to be true to yourself. And when the time comes—when you figure out what you really want—I’ll be ready for whatever decision you make. I just need you to be honest with me.” 

Joshua’s eyes widened slightly, the weight of her words settling into his chest. He wanted to speak, to reassure her that he didn’t want to hurt her, but she pressed on, her tone still gentle, but her words cutting through the air with an edge of pain he hadn’t expected.

“But if it’s not me, let me down gently.” She paused, her lips pressing together as if the thought itself hurt too much to fully voice. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before she continued, her hand still held tightly in his. “I don’t want any drama. I don’t want to fight or beg. Avoid me, ignore me, don’t contact me. Cut it off—no words needed. I can handle the silence. I just need to know that when you’re ready, when you’ve made up your mind, that you’ll walk away without dragging it out. No false hope. No lingering, no ‘maybe. Just... a clean break.”

The words seemed to hang in the air between them, the enormity of what she was saying sinking in. She wasn’t asking for him to promise her forever—just honesty. And in that moment, she realized how much she had come to depend on him, how much she had opened her heart to him, even if he hadn’t yet decided what to do with it. 

Joshua felt his chest tighten as he listened, his heart twisting painfully. He had never heard her speak like this before—not with so much quiet strength, but also so much vulnerability. Her willingness to step back, to give him the space he needed to make his choices, was both a gift and a heart-wrenching challenge. She was preparing herself for the worst—*just in case*—and it cut him deeper than he expected. She wasn’t demanding anything of him. She wasn’t forcing him into a decision. She was just asking for his truth. And even though it broke her, she was willing to accept the reality of it. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Y/N,” Joshua finally said, his voice cracking with the weight of the promise he wasn’t sure he could make. “I’ve never wanted to be the kind of man who causes pain especially after how my father treated me, but I don’t know how to give you the certainty you’re asking for. Not yet. Not until I’ve figured out what this all means.”

She squeezed his hand, a soft, understanding smile playing at her lips, though her heart ached at the uncertainty in his voice. “I know that. I know you're not trying to hurt me. And I’m not asking you to make it easy. I’m asking you to be honest. When you know, when you’re sure, I just need you to do it with respect, Joshua. To respect me enough to not leave me wondering, to not drag things out for both of us. That’s all I ask.”

There was a long pause, a silence that was heavy with the weight of their unspoken emotions. Joshua could feel the sincerity of her words, the depth of her understanding, but it only added to the guilt gnawing at him. He hadn’t made his decision yet—he wasn’t ready to. And the thought of cutting her out of his life, of hurting her, was something he couldn’t bear to think about.

“I’m scared, Y/N,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Scared of losing you. But I’m also scared that if I take this too fast, I’ll hurt you in a way I can’t undo. I don’t know what’s right, but I do know that I don’t want to lose you.”

Y/N’s smile softened, but there was a sadness in her eyes that mirrored his. She understood the weight of his fear—the fear of making the wrong choice, the fear of hurting her. But she also knew that sometimes, not making a choice was the worst thing of all. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, her voice steady but soft. “But you need to know that whatever decision you make, I’ll be okay. It will hurt, but I’ll be okay. And I’ll respect whatever choice you make. The way you make your decision, what I just said, let me down easy. That’s all I need from you.”

For a moment, the silence between them felt like an unspoken agreement. Y/N had laid her heart on the line—no strings attached, no demands beyond honesty. And Joshua, despite his own fear, felt a deep sense of gratitude for the space she was giving him, for the patience, even when it hurt.

As they sat there, their hands still entwined on the table between them, there was no grand declaration. There were no promises. But there was understanding. 

Y/N was giving him the time he needed, but she wasn’t going to allow herself to stay in the dark forever. She had been clear: when the time came, she would let go. And as painful as it was, Joshua knew that she deserved that honesty. 

“I won’t drag it out,” Joshua said quietly, the words heavy with meaning. “I promise. When I know, I’ll tell you. You deserve nothing less.”

Y/N nodded, her heart both lightened and heavy at once. “That’s all I can ask for.”

Joshua smiled, not wanting their secret rendezvous to end, “Can we go somewhere private? Just us tonight? No more parents and stress?” 

Y/N’s smile deepened at the thought of giving them both an escape, a place to simply be. As much as they both craved answers, tonight wasn’t about decisions or heavy conversations—it was about being in the moment. Her heart ached for Joshua, for the burden he carried, but she also knew that moments like this—moments where they could simply exist together without outside pressures—were rare. She wasn’t sure how much longer they would have before life caught up to them again. But tonight, they were going to make it count.

“I have just the place,” Y/N replied, her voice soft yet certain, a glimmer of excitement in her eyes. 

Joshua’s heart lifted at her words. The thought of being with her, completely alone, away from the prying eyes and expectations, filled him with relief. 

Y/N stood up, reaching for her coat, the motion almost fluid. "It’s a little out of the way, but that’s the point," she explained, a teasing glint in her voice. "No distractions. Just us."

As they walked toward her car, the city seemed quieter than usual. The night was crisp, but there was an undeniable warmth in the way they moved together, side by side, as if the world beyond them could wait for just a few hours.

Joshua was still processing her words from earlier. The way she had calmly laid out her heart, vulnerable yet resolute, asking for nothing but honesty. He couldn’t help but admire her strength and grace, and yet it made him ache with the knowledge that, despite everything, he was still caught between two worlds.

But for tonight, that didn’t matter. Tonight was about creating a moment that was theirs, free from the weight of it all.

The drive took them through winding roads, the city’s lights fading as they ventured further out. Y/N didn’t say much along the way—she didn’t need to. She could tell Joshua was deep in thought his hand rested on her thigh as she pressed the gas pedal, and she was content to let him reflect. 

Eventually, they arrived at a secluded cottage nestled at the edge of a wooded area. The house was small, but cozy, a soft glow spilling from the windows, suggesting warmth inside. The scent of wood and fresh air greeted them as Y/N led him to the door, pulling out a key from her pocket.

Joshua looked around, taking in the quiet surroundings. The cottage stood alone in the middle of a forested area, the trees surrounding them like old, protective sentinels. It was the perfect place to get away from everything.

“Is this your place?” Joshua asked, his voice a mixture of surprise and curiosity. 

Y/N nodded, opening the door. "It’s my little sanctuary. I come here to clear my head, to escape when things get too overwhelming. Get inspired, all the good shit.  I thought it might be nice for us to have somewhere to just be. No judgment."

As they stepped inside, the warmth wrapped around them. There was something calming about the space—dim lighting, a fire crackling softly in the hearth, and simple, comfortable furniture. The living room smelled of lavender and wood smoke, the air clean and fresh. A large window in the corner framed a peaceful view of the forest, its dark trees swaying gently in the breeze. 

Y/N made her way to the kitchen area and quickly began preparing a small spread—cheese, crackers, some fruit, and a bottle of wine she’d bought earlier. “I thought we could just relax. Have something to eat, talk if we feel like it, or not. No pressure.”

Joshua couldn’t help but smile at the thoughtfulness behind her gesture. There was something about the simplicity of the moment—no fancy dinner or grand gestures—just the two of them, in this quiet, serene space. He felt his shoulders relax for the first time in what seemed like forever.

He moved to her side as she set the table, gently brushing her hair from her face, his touch soft and affectionate. "This is perfect, Y/N," he said quietly, his voice filled with gratitude. "Thank you for this."

She smiled at him, her eyes meeting him with a look of understanding and tenderness. "Anything for you. I also have some pajamas and extra stuff just in case, you know, you want to stay.”

As they settled into the small, cozy space with their food and drink, they spoke less, letting the comfort of being together speak for itself. The fire crackled in the background, and the only sounds were the occasional clink of a wine glass or the rustling of leaves outside. It was a soft kind of peace—a feeling neither of them had realized they were missing so deeply.

As the evening wore on, they moved to the couch by the fire. Y/N leaned her head against Joshua’s shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body beside hers, another opened bottle of wine resting on the coffee table. She could feel the tension slowly leave him, the constant hum of responsibility fading into the background. 

Joshua draped an arm around her, pulling her closer, his voice low as he spoke. "You know, for a moment, I almost feel like everything’s going to be okay."

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes searching his face. “What do you mean?”

“Like, I’m not sure where all of this is heading, but I don’t feel as lost as I did before. Being here with you in this house which by the way I cannot believe you were holding out on me. It’s like I can breathe again.”

Her heart swelled, knowing how much those words meant to him. "You deserve to breathe, Josh. To find your way.. For tonight, for this moment, I’m happy just being here. Find some sanctuary in my sanctuary you know. The reason I didn’t show you yet is just because I wasn’t sure you’d want to come. I don’t know."

Joshua looked down at her, his eyes soft and full of unspoken gratitude. "Of course I’d want to come, I love being in nature, I don’t get much of it anymore. I don’t know how to thank you for this. For everything."

Y/N smiled, her fingers tracing his hand. "You don’t need to thank me. You’re here, with me. That’s more than enough."

And in that simple, perfect moment, they found something that transcended all the confusion, all the questions that loomed over them. It wasn’t answers they needed tonight—it was each other. They didn’t need to speak about the future or dwell on what came next. Tonight, there was just them—existing, breathing, and finding comfort in the shared silence.

The room was bathed in a warm, golden glow as the fire crackled quietly in the corner. Outside, the wind rustled the trees, but inside the cottage, it felt like time had slowed. Y/N and Joshua sat on the couch, her head resting on his shoulder, his arm draped around her waist, pulling her closer. There was no rush, no need to speak. The mere presence of each other felt like enough. 

Y/N’s breath evened out as she relaxed further into his side, her fingers absently tracing the fabric of his shirt. The simplicity of the moment, their quiet togetherness, felt like a reprieve from the complexities of their lives. She was learning the art of just being with him—no expectations, no demands. She could feel his heartbeat beneath her cheek, steady and warm, and it calmed her in a way nothing else could.

Joshua, for his part, had his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted as he allowed the quiet to fill the spaces where his mind had been racing just hours before. There was something about the softness of Y/N’s presence, the fact that she didn’t need anything from him but his company, that allowed him to drop the walls he often kept up. Her proximity, her stillness beside him, felt like an anchor—a place where he could feel like his old self. And for once, he didn’t feel the constant weight of his obligations pulling him in a thousand directions.

The firelight flickered across the room, casting shadows that danced on the walls, and there was an undeniable chemistry between them—a quiet, simmering tension that had been building ever since their first meeting. It wasn’t forceful. It was gentle, like the slow, inevitable pull of gravity. Neither of them spoke about it, but it was there, in the way their hands brushed together, in the way their breath seemed to sync as they sat together, their bodies unconsciously leaning closer, drawn by an invisible thread.

Joshua shifted slightly, turning his head to glance at her. His lips curved in a small, almost imperceptible smile, but his eyes were darker than usual, full of something unspoken—something that pulsed between them like a quiet storm. Y/N caught his gaze, and for a moment, everything else seemed to disappear. 

Her fingers, still resting on his chest, curled into his shirt, her touch light but deliberate. She could feel the subtle tension in him, the way his breath caught slightly when her hand brushed over the soft skin at his collarbone. There was a pull, a magnetic force drawing them closer, but neither of them wanted to rush it. The silence between them grew thicker, more intimate, but it was safe.

Y/N felt the heat rising between them, but she stayed where she was, her head nestled against him, eyes closed, letting the moment stretch out. She didn’t want to overthink it. This wasn’t about the perfect timing or making a move—it was just about being in the moment with him, together, without needing anything else. 

But then, after what felt like an eternity of quiet, Joshua’s hand moved, just a subtle shift, and before Y/N could even register it fully, his fingers gently brushed against her jaw, coaxing her to look up at him. The tenderness of his touch sent a shiver through her, and she lifted her eyes to meet him, finding the depth of something she hadn’t quite understood before—something that both scared and comforted her all at once.

His thumb lightly traced the line of her lower lip, his gaze flickering between her eyes and her mouth, as though he was trying to read her, trying to gauge whether the moment was right. Y/N’s breath caught in her throat, her pulse quickening. There was no question now—they had crossed some unspoken boundary. The room seemed to hold its breath, and for a heartbeat, the world outside was irrelevant. It was just the two of them, here, in this space.

“Y/N,” he murmured her name like a prayer, his voice low and raspy, filled with a need that neither of them could deny. The sound of her name on his lips felt like a promise, but it also held the weight of everything unspoken between them.

She lifted her hand to rest against his chest, feeling his heartbeat under her palm. Her gaze softened as she studied his face, seeing the conflict there, the vulnerability in his eyes that mirrored her own. ‘Is this what we want?’ The question hung in the air, but neither of them dared to voice it. Instead, Y/N leaned in slightly, just enough to close the space between them, her breath mingling with his. 

Joshua’s eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment as he felt the shift between them, the pull that neither of them could ignore. He exhaled slowly, and when he opened his eyes again, he found Y/N’s lips inches from his. 

At that moment, everything else seemed to blur. There was no more thinking, no more hesitation. It wasn’t about the future, or the decisions they hadn’t yet made—it was about now. It was about feeling this connection, this undeniable chemistry, this quiet, intimate understanding between them.

He closed the distance between them then, his lips meeting hers in a soft, slow kiss—one that spoke of everything they hadn’t said, all the emotions they had buried deep inside. It was a kiss that was both tender and intense, full of quiet longing and unspoken promises. It was a kiss that asked for nothing more than the moment, the comfort, the closeness of shared space.

Y/N’s hand slid up to his neck, pulling him in closer, her body instinctively leaning into his as the kiss deepened. The heat between them grew, but it was still gentle—unhurried. It was a kiss that let them feel each other, without rushing toward anything. At that moment, they didn’t need words. They didn’t need answers.

Joshua’s hand slid from her face to her hair, tangling in the soft strands as he deepened the kiss, his fingers tracing the curve of her neck. Y/N responded in kind, her body now in his lap, hand resting against his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breath as the kiss grew more urgent, more desperate. Yet, there was still a softness to it, a care, a respect for the vulnerability they were both sharing.

As they finally pulled away, breathless, their foreheads touched lightly, their breaths coming in soft gasps. The silence between them was no longer empty—it was full, rich with connection, understanding, and something deeper that neither of them had been ready to name.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asked, his voice low, his forehead still resting against hers. His hands rested gently on her waist, as if waiting for her to pull away or to say something that would break the tension.

Y/N smiled softly, her fingers tracing the line of his jaw. “I’m more than okay,” she whispered. 

Joshua’s chest tightened at her words, the weight of the unspoken between them finally easing. They didn’t need to know what came next. They didn’t need to define it. All that mattered was that, in this quiet moment, they had found something real—something beautiful and fragile, but something worth holding on to, even if only for tonight.

“I don’t want to rush it,” he said, his voice steady but laced with something deeper, something tender. He reached up, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his fingertips grazing her soft skin. “But I’m not going to lie, I don’t have enough strength right now to pull away from you.”

His words, so simple yet heavy with meaning, made her heart flutter. She nodded slowly, her fingers moving to trace the line of his jaw, her touch delicate, as if he were something fragile she didn’t want to break. “Then don’t,” she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. 

The unspoken invitation hung in the air between them, thick with anticipation. For a moment, neither of them moved. They just looked at each other, as if silently questioning whether this moment was real, whether they could allow themselves to embrace it fully.

Joshua closed the distance between them then, his lips finding hers again, this time with more urgency, more purpose. The kiss was different now—not just tender, but hungry, as though the silence between them had been filled with all the words neither of them had said. There was an ache in it, a quiet, aching need to be closer, to erase the distance that had existed between them for far too long.

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat as the kiss deepened. She responded with equal intensity, her hands moving to his chest, feeling the heat of his skin through the fabric of his shirt. His hands, which had been resting on her waist, now slid to her back, pulling her even closer. The space between them evaporated as he cradled her against him, their bodies pressed together in a way that felt both intimate and comforting.

Her pulse quickened as she felt the weight of him against her, his chest rising and falling in time with hers. The kiss grew more frantic, both of them caught in the whirlwind of emotions they had carefully held at bay. There were no more words, just the sensation of their lips moving together, the heat building between them.

Joshua’s hand slid down to her waist, then to the small of her back, gently urging her closer as he deepened the kiss even further. He could feel the softness of her skin beneath his touch, the way her body seemed to melt against his. Every inch of him wanted to be closer, to lose himself in the feeling of her. And yet, there was a part of him still holding back, still unsure, still afraid of what would happen once this moment ended.

But at that moment, Y/N seemed to read his hesitation. She pulled away just enough to look him in the eyes, her lips still tingling from the kiss. Her gaze was steady, but there was a question in her eyes—a silent invitation to continue, to let go of the fears they both carried.

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” she whispered, her voice breathless but sure. “You don’t have to hold back. Not tonight.”

Joshua’s breath caught at her words, the weight of them sinking in. He could see the vulnerability in her eyes—the trust she was offering him, the understanding that whatever came next, they would navigate it together. There was no pressure. No expectations. Just the two of them, finding comfort in each other.

With a quiet exhale, Joshua nodded, his hand gently cupping her cheek as he leaned in once more, this time more slowly, more deliberately. He kissed her with a gentleness that was new, but that spoke volumes. He wasn’t rushing anymore. He was simply present, lost in the moment, in her.

Her hands slid to the collar of his shirt, fingers trembling slightly as she tugged it from where it had come untucked, urging him to shed the layers between them. Joshua let her, his own hands moving to gently lift her shirt just enough to feel the soft curve of her back, the warmth of her skin. Neither of them said anything as the kiss broke, but their eyes met again—soft, full of desire, yet still respectful, still understanding.

Without breaking eye contact, he slowly helped her out of her shirt, his hands moving with deliberate care, making sure every move was in sync with hers. Next unclasping the simple black bra she had placed under. They both needed this—needed to shed the layers that had kept them apart, to let their vulnerability, their need for one another, unfold in the safety of the quiet room.

Joshua pulled her closer again, feeling her body against his. There was no rush now, no need for words. The room was filled only with the sound of their breaths, the crackling of the fire, and the steady rhythm of their hearts beating in time with one another.

As their lips met once more, this time, it wasn’t just the heat of the kiss, the desire that had built between them—it was the deep, unspoken understanding that whatever came next, they were in it together. No barriers. No secrets.

Just the two of them, finally letting go. 

The following morning, Y/N woke to the soft light of dawn filtering through the curtains. For a moment, she just lay there, her eyes tracing the outline of Joshua’s figure beside her, the rise and fall of his chest a calming rhythm. She could feel his warmth, his steady presence beside her, and for a fleeting moment, she let herself forget about everything that still hung between them—his family, his obligations, the secret they both kept.

But it was all still there, quietly waiting in the shadows. Closer than either one of them knew.

Joshua stirred beside her, his hand instinctively reaching out to pull her closer, his fingers grazing over the curve of her back. He didn’t speak at first, just letting the warmth of the moment settle between them. 

Joshua’s phone buzzed softly on the nightstand. The sudden interruption of their calm was a stark contrast to the quiet intimacy they had just shared. He reached for the phone, not thinking much of it at first, just expecting a message from his family or a reminder of the day’s busy schedule. But as he unlocked the screen, his heart dropped.

An email notification blinked up at him from his inbox, the sender name familiar—yet completely unexpected.

Subject: Exclusive: The Life of Joshua Hong and his Secret Love (The Untold Story)From: journalist@cityscenenews.com

The words caught him off guard. His pulse quickened as he clicked open the email, fear prickling along his spine. The article was already live, complete with images—images that left no room for doubt. It was a professional expose, a journalist’s careful investigation into his hidden relationship with Y/N, revealing everything from the quiet, secret dates to the intimate moments they had shared in public spaces.

The headline alone felt like a betrayal, and the further he read, the worse it got. The article wasn’t just a casual mention. It was a detailed account of their time together, with quotes from “anonymous sources” and observations from people who had seen them around town, careful not to reveal their identities but piecing together a narrative that felt all too real.

Excerpt from the article:

"Joshua Hong, heir to Benet Enterprises, has been quietly involved with an undisclosed woman for several months now. Sources close to the couple say that their relationship has been marked by secrecy, with the couple often seen slipping in and out of exclusive venues. While the relationship appears to be purely romantic, the question remains: Will Hong continue to keep his personal life hidden, or is this the beginning of a much larger scandal?"

The article went on to speculate about the hidden layers of his family life, the pressure from his father to conform to a certain image, and the ramifications this secret relationship could have on both their futures.

Joshua froze, his mind reeling as his eyes flickered over the content. The carefully guarded life he had worked so hard to protect now felt like it was slipping through his fingers, exposed for the world to see. And worst of all, Y/N was wrapped up in this too, her privacy shattered by the sharp edge of a journalist’s pen.

He felt the weight of the world pressing down on him as he tried to make sense of the situation. He couldn’t help but glance at Y/N, fading back into sleep beside him, unaware of what was unfolding. She looked so peaceful, her hair splayed out across his chest, her face soft and free of worry.

But that peace was short-lived.

Joshua’s phone buzzed again, this time a call coming in. He saw the name on the screen and felt a knot tighten in his stomach.

Dad.

He inhaled sharply, still holding the phone, trying to steady his nerves. He didn’t want to wake Y/N—not like this. But he knew that the reality of their situation couldn’t stay hidden for long. His father had no doubt already read the article. The pressure of his family’s expectations would come crashing down soon enough.

“Y/N,” he whispered, gently nudging her awake. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, still groggy from sleep, but when she saw his expression, the concern in his gaze, her heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice soft but alert, her hand reaching for him as she sat up.

He handed her the phone without a word, watching as her expression changed from confusion to shock as she read the headline.

Her eyes lifted to meet his. The silence stretched between them for a moment, both of them absorbing the weight of what had just been thrust into their lives.

“I.. What the fuck?” Y/N said, her voice quiet, filled with a mixture of disbelief and sorrow. She shook her head, still processing what was unfolding. “How did this happen? We were so careful…”

Joshua didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know how the journalist had pieced it all together—maybe someone had seen them together in the park or overheard a conversation at the gallery. Or perhaps someone closer to his world had leaked the information, knowing that the his family was a story worth telling.

“I’m so sorry,” Joshua said, his voice tight with frustration. “I never wanted you to be dragged into this. I thought we could keep it private, at least for a little while longer.”

Y/N’s hand found his again, gripping it with quiet strength. “It’s not your fault,” she said, her voice steady. “It’s just... This is bigger than we thought.”

Joshua sighed heavily, looking down at the article again, but this time he saw it from a different angle. They could try to fight it, deny it, but the story was already out there. The public would talk, his father would demand answers, and the world would judge. There was no turning back.

“I need to talk to my dad,” he said quietly, standing up from the bed, his thoughts racing.

Y/N watched him with concern, but she didn’t try to stop him. She knew this was something he had to face. But she also knew that whatever happened next, things between them would never be the same. They had been living in a fragile world, hiding behind walls of secrecy. Now those walls were crumbling, and there was no escaping the fallout.

“I’ll be here,” Y/N said softly, watching him leave the room. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The air was thick with tension as Joshua stood at the front of his father’s study, staring out the large window at the sprawling estate below. He had been here countless times before, but today it felt different—his father’s looming presence, the weight of his legacy hanging in the air, and the article still echoing in his mind.

The door opened behind him, and his father entered, his expression cold and unreadable.

“Well, it looks like you fucked up, Joshua. It was only a matter of time, really, I knew I couldn’t keep you away from disobeying me for long,” his father said, his tone devoid of surprise. “I didn’t expect it to come this way, but I suppose it was inevitable.”

Joshua turned slowly, meeting his father’s gaze. “I didn’t want it to come out like this. You know how important it is to me that our family stays out of the spotlight.”

His father raised an eyebrow, stepping further into the room. “The world doesn’t care what you want, Joshua. They care about my name. You can’t play both sides of this game. You have to choose.”

Joshua’s stomach tightened. “I’m not asking for your approval. I’m not asking for anything. This is about me—and I’m not letting anyone control that anymore. Not even you.”

His father’s expression hardened. “You don’t understand the consequences of your actions. You think you can fucking have it all—a private life and the family business—but the truth is, Joshua, you can’t.”

Joshua stood tall, meeting his father’s gaze with the kind of determination he had never shown before. “I’m done living in your shadow. I’m done being what you want me to be.”

For a moment, the room was quiet, the weight of Joshua’s words hanging in the air.

Then his father spoke, his voice softer but still laced with authority. “You’ll learn soon enough, son. Life isn’t as simple as you think it is.”

Joshua stood face to face with his father, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. The room felt colder than usual, the vast space echoing with silence and the weight of the conversation that was about to unfold.Joshua could sense the storm brewing, and it was a storm that had been building for years, slowly but surely.

The article was just the catalyst. This moment was inevitable.

“You’ve made a  big fucking fool of yourself,” His dad’s voice was sharp, cutting through the tension in the room. “The entire world now knows about your indiscretions. About the basic woman you’ve been hiding.” He emphasized the word woman, as though it was a crime just to care about someone outside of the image he had meticulously crafted for his son. “Do you think this is acceptable, Joshua? To air our family’s dirty laundry for the world to see?”

Joshua didn’t flinch. He’d expected his father’s anger. It was the only thing his father ever seemed capable of. Still, something within him hardened. This wasn’t the first time his father had made him feel small, but it would be the last.

“I never asked for any of this, Dad,” Joshua finally said, his voice firm but measured. There was no more backing down. “I never wanted this kind of life. You never gave me a choice. You’ve made it clear that the only thing that matters is your reputation, not my happiness.”

His father’s eyes narrowed, and the tension in the room thickened. “You think you have the luxury to choose what makes you happy? You’re the heir to my entire fortune, Joshua. This family, this company—this political legacy—is bigger than you or any of your personal whims. I’ve spent my entire life building this empire. And you—” Arthur’s voice grew venomous, “you’re jeopardizing it for a fleeting romance with someone who doesn’t give a damn about the cost of this life.”

Joshua felt the anger rising in him, the years of resentment bubbling to the surface. He took a deep breath, but there was no holding back anymore.

“No. I’m not jeopardizing anything. You are,” he shot back, his voice rising now. “You’ve spent my fucking whole life telling me that the only thing that matters is business—status, money, power. And for what? So I can live a life that’s not even mine? So I can wake up every morning, knowing that I’m not allowed to make a choice for myself?” His voice cracked, frustration and emotion seeping through. “I’ve had enough.”

The elder of the two took a step toward him, his expression hardening into a mask of fury. “You think you can choose happiness over responsibility? You think you can turn your back on everything I’ve built, just for some bitch? You will regret this, Joshua. You can’t just walk away from this life. The consequences of your actions will destroy everything I’ve worked for.”

Joshua took a step forward to meet him, his chest tight with the weight of his words, but his eyes clear with resolve. “Bitch? Very mature. No, Dad. What will destroy everything is continuing down this path where nothing matters except power and control. I’ve tried to live up to your expectations, but all I’ve done is lose myself. And now I’m losing her too.”

Joshua’s dad’s eyes flickered with a flash of something—maybe disbelief, or perhaps a moment of realization. “You don’t understand. The world doesn’t give you the option to choose. People will use her to get to you. You think she’s different, but they’ll tear her apart, Joshua. She’s not the kind of woman you bring into our world.”

Joshua’s jaw tightened, and the weight of his father’s words hit harder than expected. He knew his father wasn’t wrong in some ways—the world they lived in was brutal. But what he hadn’t realized until now was just how suffocating it all was. His father was trying to control him, trying to dictate not just his career, but his personal life as well.

“Maybe she isn’t the problem, Dad. Maybe it’s this life, maybe it’s you,” Joshua snapped, voice shaking with raw emotion. “You’re so busy telling me how to live, telling me what’s best for me, but you’ve never once stopped to ask me what I want. I want something real, something that isn’t dictated by your empire. I want a future where I make the decisions for myself—where I’m not just living in your shadow, pretending to be someone I’m not.”

Arthur’s face turned pale, his expression shifting between disbelief and fury. “You’re a fool, Joshua,” he spat, the words coming out like venom. “You’ll ruin everything. You’ll be fucking nothing without this family. Without me.”

Joshua could feel the weight of his father's words, but they no longer carried the same power they once did. He wasn’t the boy who had to apologize for his every move anymore. He wasn’t the man who had to silence his own desires for the sake of someone else’s expectations. Not anymore.

“No, sir,” Joshua’s voice was steady now, stronger than it had ever been. “I’m already something, with or without you. And I’m done letting you define who that is.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Neither of them spoke for a long moment, the air thick with the tension of a battle that had been simmering for years. Joshua felt his heart pounding in his chest as he stared at the man who had been his father. He’d spent so long trying to please him, trying to be the son he thought he was supposed to be, but now it was clear: he couldn’t do it anymore.

He wasn’t going to let his father’s grip on his life define him any longer.

Turning on his heel, Joshua made his way to the door. He had made his choice. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, but it was the only way forward. He stopped just before the door, his hand on the knob.

“I’m done living for you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m in love with her so either you’ll have to accept that or stop fucking inserting yourself in my life.”

Without another word, he opened the door and left, not looking back.

Joshua’s heart raced as he slammed the door behind him, leaving his father’s cold, seething gaze in the past. The decision had been made, and there was no turning back now. His mind was a blur of anger, confusion, and relief, but through it all, one thought kept him moving forward.

Y/N.

He didn’t know what he expected when he stepped out of that house, but it felt like the first breath of fresh air he’d had in years. The weight of his father's influence was something Joshua had carried for far too long, and now, for the first time in his life, he could breathe without that looming pressure suffocating him.

He made his way to his car, his steps quick but purposeful. With the engine running he sent her a text asking her where she was and just to let her know he’s on his way back to her, the place he belongs. She didn’t say much back, just sending a pin to her location. 

The drive to Y/N’s apartment felt like the longest of his life, the distance between them physically small but emotionally vast. With each turn of the wheels, each block closer, his pulse quickened, his thoughts consumed by her. He needed to tell her everything—the truth, his choice, what had just happened. There were no more secrets to keep.

As he parked in front of her building, the air outside felt charged with tension. He stepped out of the car, his hands shaking, but there was no turning back now. He couldn't run anymore. He’d faced his father, now it was time to face her.

He pressed the buzzer at the gate and waited for the familiar sound of her voice to come through the intercom.

“Hello?”

Her voice was soft, raspy, as if she had been crying and it took everything in him not to break at the sound of it. She had no idea what had just transpired, no idea of the storm brewing inside him. But he knew this was where he needed to be.

“It’s me, Joshua,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

The gate buzzed open, and he made his way up to her apartment. Each step felt heavier than the last, but his resolve grew with every inch closer he got. As he reached her door, his hand hovered over the knob for a moment before he knocked softly.

The door opened to reveal Y/N standing there, looking every bit as beautiful as she had the night before, her eyes soft with concern slightly red from her tears, as she took in his disheveled appearance. Her gaze flickered from his eyes to his hands, noticing the way he gripped the doorframe, like he needed something solid to keep him from falling apart.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice gentle yet knowing. She could see something was off, something had changed. And she didn’t need him to explain it yet. She just stepped aside, allowing him entry without pressing for more.

Joshua stepped inside and closed the door behind him, his mind still racing. He couldn’t bring himself to speak immediately. The words were lodged in his throat, heavy and sharp, but there was no turning back. He had to tell her.

“I went to see him,” Joshua finally said, his voice a little unsteady. “My father.”

Y/N’s brow furrowed with concern, her fingers reaching out to gently touch his arm. She didn’t need to ask what had happened—she already knew it couldn’t have gone well. But she didn’t rush him; she simply waited, giving him the space to find the words.

“I stood up to him,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “For the first time in my fucking life, I stood up to him. I told him that I was done—done trying to be the son he wanted me to be. Done living under his control.”

Y/N’s heart clenched at the rawness in his voice. She could see the weight of his words, feel the depth of the struggle he’d been carrying inside him for so long. She wanted to say something, to comfort him, but she knew better than to interrupt him when he was this vulnerable.

“I told him that I was in love with you,” Joshua continued, his eyes finding hers, his expression raw and open. “I told him that if he couldn’t accept that, then he needed to stay out of my life. I’m not living for him anymore. I’m living for me—and for us.”

The room seemed to freeze in that moment, the words hanging in the air between them. Y/N’s heart stuttered in her chest, her breath catching as she tried to process what he was saying. She had expected the conversation to go in a hundred different directions, but never this one. She had no idea what to say, how to respond to the sheer intensity of what he was telling her.

Joshua stepped closer, his hand gently cupping her face, as if reassuring himself that she was real. “I want you, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice a little strained. “I want this—us—no matter the cost. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, not anymore. I’m not going to let anything stand in the way of what we have.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, and for a moment, she couldn’t find the words. The emotion that had built up between them, the weight of their shared secrets, the tension of waiting for something to finally give—it all came crashing down in that instant. She leaned into his touch, her hand reaching up to rest over his, holding him close.

“Joshua…” She couldn’t say anything else at first, too overwhelmed by everything he had just revealed. But then, the words came. “I’m so proud of you. This takes more strength than anything I could have ever imagined. I’m sorry you had to do it alone.” Her voice was thick with emotion, trembling with the weight of her feelings.

Joshua’s eyes softened as he wiped away the tear that had escaped down her cheek. “I never wanted to hurt you. I just—I was so afraid of losing everything that I kept hiding. I didn’t know how to be honest, even with myself.” He brushed a kiss to her forehead, his heart swelling with a mixture of relief and love. “But now… I can’t keep pretending that this—we—don’t matter. You matter, Y/N. And I’m ready to face whatever comes next, with you by my side.”

Y/N stepped back for a moment, looking up at him with a soft smile. “So what happens now?”

Joshua took a deep breath, his chest still tight with the remnants of the confrontation he had left behind, but something inside him felt lighter. “Now, we take this one day at a time. We live the life we want, not the one anyone else expects us to live. No more secrets, no more lies. Just us. We can go on trips, go bowling, good restaurants, all of it.”

She smiled, her eyes glistening with unspoken hope, and nodded. “Finally.”

And in that moment, everything felt like it was falling into place—like they were finally, truly, on the same side. The road ahead wouldn’t be easy. There would be challenges, both personal and external, but together, they were ready to face them. Together, they could finally have the life they’d always wanted, the life they deserved.

A few weeks had passed since that night—since Joshua had stood up to his father, told him the truth, and chosen Y/N. Their relationship, once clouded by secrecy and the weight of Joshua’s family legacy, had blossomed into something more genuine. They were finally able to breathe without the constant fear of being caught, of their love being hidden away. Joshua’s decision had been made, and for the first time, he felt free.

He had stayed away from his father, giving them both time to cool down, to let the emotions settle. Joshua had no illusions that his father would easily accept the change. Still, he couldn’t ignore the small part of him that held hope—hope that maybe, just maybe, his father would come around.

It was a Thursday afternoon when the knock came at the door. Y/N had just finished a late lunch, reading a book on the couch when she heard it. It was a knock that didn’t sound like any of their usual visitors—sharp, deliberate, as though someone had been waiting for the right moment to arrive.

When she opened the door, she wasn’t expecting to see him.

Mr. Hong stood in the doorway, his posture stiff, his face as impassive as it always was. His suit was immaculate, his presence commanding even in this simple setting. Y/N’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. She had only ever heard about him—his control over Joshua, his icy demeanor, his relentless pursuit of perfection. And here he was, standing in her doorway as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

She hesitated for only a moment before speaking, her voice steady but cautious. “Mr. Hong.”

The man looked down at her, his gaze assessing but not unkind. “May I come in?” he asked, his tone far more measured than she had expected.

Y/N stood aside, unsure of how to react but not wanting to be rude. “Of course.”

She led him into the living room, where they both took seats on opposite ends of the space. The air was thick with the weight of his presence. Y/N felt uneasy, but she couldn’t deny the curiosity that burned inside her. What could he possibly want? Why was he here, after everything that had happened?

His father cleared his throat before speaking, his voice softer than she had anticipated. “I’ve come to apologize.”

Y/N blinked in surprise, unsure whether she had heard him right. “Apologize?” she echoed.

“Yes,” Mr. Hong said, his gaze unwavering as he looked her in the eyes. “For everything I put Joshua through. For all the years of pressure and the things I said that drove him away.”

She frowned, unsure how to process his words. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

He looked down for a moment, as though gathering his thoughts, before meeting her eyes again. “I thought I was doing what was best for him, for the family. I was wrong. I tried to control everything, everyone, and in the end, I nearly lost my son.” He paused, as though trying to comprehend the depth of what he was admitting. “When he left, when he told me he was choosing you over me… I realized something.” 

Y/N said nothing, allowing him the space to speak.

He exhaled slowly. “I realized that I had been the one keeping him in the dark. I’d been so focused on legacy, on appearances, on control, that I didn’t see what I was doing to him. He was never happy. Not truly happy. And that’s on me.” His voice broke slightly, a crack in the carefully constructed armor that had defined him for so long. “I’m… I’m sorry for that. For everything.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say. She had never imagined a moment like this. She had heard about the man who had shaped Joshua’s life, the man who had made him feel small, inadequate, and forever beneath the weight of expectations. And now, here he was, apologizing—not just for his actions toward her, but for how he had hurt Joshua.

“Thank you,” she said finally, her voice soft, careful. “But you should really talk to him about all of this. He’s the one you hurt most.”

His father nodded, his eyes momentarily distant. “I know. I will. I need to.” He looked back at her, his expression more vulnerable than she had ever expected to see. “But I wanted to start with you. You’ve been the one to make him see that there’s more to life than what I’ve shown him. I don’t know what you’ve done to him, but I can see that you’ve given him something I never could: the courage to be himself.”

Y/N felt a pang in her chest at the rawness of his words. She had no doubt that Joshua’s father was trying—genuinely trying. But the scars of his actions weren’t easily erased. Still, she could see the man in front of her wasn’t just the villain in Joshua’s story anymore. He was someone who had been lost too, someone who was now confronting the reality of his mistakes.

“I don’t know what Joshua will say when he hears this,” she said, her voice tentative. “But I’m sure he’ll appreciate hearing that you understand.”

His expression softened, and for the first time in their interaction, he gave her a small, almost imperceptible smile. “I hope so.”

Later that evening, after Mr. Hong had left, Y/N sat quietly, waiting for Joshua. She hadn’t told him about the visit yet, unsure of how he would react. Part of her knew that the conversation with his father—though a long time coming—might be more complicated than they both realized. 

When Joshua finally arrived, looking tired but determined, Y/N didn’t hesitate. She wrapped her arms around him as soon as he stepped through the door, needing the comfort of his presence. 

“Hey,” she said softly, pulling back to look up at him. “I need to tell you something.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow, his expression wary, but he didn’t say anything as she guided him to the couch. 

“Your dad came by today,” she said, watching his reaction closely. 

Joshua froze, his face hardening. “What did he want?”

“He came to apologize,” Y/N said carefully, gauging his reaction. 

Joshua’s face was a mixture of disbelief and something else—reluctance, maybe? It was clear that he hadn’t expected this.

“Are you serious?” His voice was low, the emotion in it impossible to miss. “I don’t know if I can believe that.”

Y/N nodded. “I understand. But I think you should hear him out. He seemed genuine.”

Joshua leaned back, running a hand through his hair, his thoughts clearly conflicted. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that. After everything he put me through…”

“I know,” she whispered, taking his hand in hers. “But you’re not the same person you were before. You don’t have to accept anything right away, but maybe... just maybe, you can give him a chance to make things right.”

Joshua was silent for a moment, his eyes staring into the distance as he processed everything. Finally, he turned back to her, his gaze softer. “Maybe.”

Y/N gave him a reassuring smile. “When you're ready. And I’ll be here.”

Joshua squeezed her hand gently. “Thank you. For everything.”

And in that moment, even with the uncertainty hanging in the air, he knew he wasn’t facing it alone. Whatever came next, he and Y/N would figure it out—together.

A few weeks had passed since His fathers unexpected visit to Y/N’s apartment. Joshua had spent that time in quiet contemplation, torn between the man his father had forced him to be and the man he was trying to become. The choice was clear now. He was ready to face his father, not as the son who had been molded by expectations, but as the man he had become—someone who had chosen his own path, his own love, and his own life.

He had talked it through with Y/N, who had been nothing but supportive, patient, and understanding. She knew the road to reconciliation with his father wouldn’t be easy. She had seen the scars of his childhood, the way his father’s love had always felt conditional, based on his achievements and his conformity to a perfect image. But she also knew Joshua needed to do this for himself, not for his father, and not for anyone else. 

And so, the day came when Joshua, heart pounding in his chest, decided it was time. 

Joshua stood in front of Y/N’s apartment, his knuckles lightly tapping the door before he opened it. She was sitting on the couch, the familiar soft light of the afternoon streaming through the windows. He could see the faint worry in her eyes when she looked up at him.

“I think it’s time,” he said simply, his voice steady but with an underlying current of nerves.

Y/N smiled, standing up and walking toward him. She could see it in his eyes, the determination but also the vulnerability. She nodded, her heart swelling with pride. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” she said, her voice soothing yet firm. “But if you are, I’ll be right there with you.”

Joshua took her hands in his, squeezing them gently. “I’m ready. I need to do this. Not just for me, but for us.”

The drive to the Hong estate felt longer than it should have, each mile adding to Joshua’s uncertainty. Y/N sat next to him, her presence grounding him. Every now and then, she would reach over and give his hand a reassuring squeeze, reminding him that this wasn’t something he had to face alone.

When they finally pulled up to the grand gates of the home, Joshua felt the weight of the past pressing down on him. He had never been this nervous in his life—not even on the first date with Y/N. But this wasn’t just about meeting someone new; this was about stepping into a world that had always made him feel small, inadequate, like he could never measure up.

Y/N could feel the tension radiating off him, and she didn’t say anything, just held his hand tighter as they made their way up the driveway. They both knew this wasn’t just a visit; it was a defining moment. The confrontation with his father had to happen, but this moment, right now, was the one that would decide if things could truly change between them.

They walked through the front door of the house, which felt strangely empty despite the grandness of the foyer. Everything in this house was cold, too pristine, too perfectly arranged. It was a place where emotions had always been kept at a distance, and Joshua had spent years trying to meet his father’s impossible standards.

Joshua’s father was sitting in the living room, an armchair that he always seemed to claim as his own. His expression was unreadable as he stood to greet them, but there was a visible tension in his posture. This wasn’t just the son he had known; this was a different Joshua—the Joshua who had learned to stand up for himself, the Joshua who had chosen a different life. 

Y/N stood by Joshua’s side, her presence a quiet strength, something that made the room feel a little less suffocating.

“Joshua,” he said, his voice tight but respectful. “You’ve come.”

Joshua nodded, his heart racing. “Yes. I came to talk.”

His eyes flickered to Y/N before returning to his son. “Hello, y/n.” His voice was even, but there was an unfamiliar softness to it. “I didn’t expect her to want to join us.”

Y/N met his gaze, her expression calm but firm. She wasn’t intimidated by him, but she could sense that this moment was as much about her as it was about Joshua. She understood that this was the first step toward something real—for them, as a family.

Joshua cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “I wanted to be clear with you, Father. I’m not the person you always wanted me to be. I’ve tried, but I’ve realized I can’t be that person anymore. I’m in love with Y/N, and she’s part of my life now. I need you to understand that.”

The elders jaw tightened at the mention of Y/N’s name, but he said nothing for a long moment. His gaze softened slightly, and he let out a slow breath. “I never wanted to hurt you, Joshua. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I wanted you to have the life I never had, the life I thought you deserved. But I can see now that I’ve been blind.”

Joshua felt a flicker of something—a small spark of hope, perhaps. But he knew better than to get ahead of himself. His father’s apology wasn’t going to fix everything in one moment.

His father took a step closer, his eyes searching Joshua’s. “I’ve made mistakes. I’ve tried to control you, to force you into something that wasn’t you. And for that, I’m sorry.”

Y/N watched the exchange carefully, her hand still firmly in Joshua’s. She knew this was a big step for him, and it wasn’t about forgiving or forgetting. It was about opening the door to something new, to a different kind of relationship with his father, one built on respect instead of fear.

“Thank you,” Joshua said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “That means more than you know.”

There was a long pause before his dad spoke again. “I don’t expect things to change overnight. But I want to try, Joshua. I want to try to understand who you are now. Who you’ve become. And if you want her in your life, if she’s a part of your future, then… I’ll try to accept that too.”

Joshua didn’t know if his father’s words were enough to undo the years of strain between them, but they were a start. A step toward healing.

Y/N squeezed his hand, her presence a constant reassurance. “Thank you,” she said softly, offering a warm, genuine smile. 

There was a long silence as the three of them stood there, the weight of the moment sinking in. It wasn’t perfect. There were still so many things unsaid, so much to be worked through. But for the first time in his life, Joshua felt a flicker of something he hadn’t thought was possible—hope. Maybe things between him and his father could be different, maybe they could find a way forward. 

As they left the Hong estate later that evening, hand in hand, Joshua took a deep breath, feeling lighter than he had in years.

“I didn’t expect him to say that,” he admitted, his voice a mixture of disbelief and cautious optimism. 

Y/N smiled softly, leaning her head on his shoulder as they walked. “I don’t think he expected it either. But it’s a start.”

Joshua looked down at her, his heart swelling with love and gratitude. “Thank you for coming with me. For everything.”

She smiled up at him, her eyes filled with warmth. “Always, babe. I’m right here, no matter what.”

The weeks that followed the meeting with his father were filled with uncertainty, but also a quiet sense of relief. Joshua and Y/N had continued to grow closer, their bond stronger than ever. There were still conversations to be had, still moments of tension between him and his father, but Joshua could finally breathe, unburdened by the weight of his past.

His dad had made an effort—slowly, carefully—to rebuild his relationship with Joshua. They started talking more, and although their relationship wasn’t perfect, it was real. Joshua had learned that it wasn’t about erasing the past, but about creating a new path forward—one where he could be true to himself, without needing to seek approval from the person who had once held all the power over him.

One Saturday evening, just shy of a few months after that pivotal day, Joshua and Y/N found themselves in a small, cozy spot by the river. The sun was beginning to set, casting golden hues over the water as they sat in a quiet corner, far from the noise of the world.

“I still can’t believe we’re here,” Joshua said, his voice light with amusement. He had a warm smile on his face, one that was genuine, carefree—the smile of a man who had finally found his place.

Y/N laughed softly, taking a sip of her tea. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... just us. No hiding. No pretending. It feels... good.”

She smiled, the warmth in her chest matching the feeling in her heart. “It does, doesn’t it?”

They had spent so much time in secret—dodging his family’s scrutiny, keeping their love hidden from the world—but now, things were different. They didn’t have to sneak around. They could hold hands in public, share quiet moments, and talk openly about their future. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t always easy, but it was theirs.

Joshua reached across the table, his hand finding hers. He looked at her, his gaze soft and full of affection. “You’ve made me believe in more than just surviving, Y/N. I thought for so long that I had to play by someone else’s rules... that I had to prove something to my father, to everyone. But with you, I’ve learned that I can just be. And that’s enough.”

Y/N squeezed his hand, her heart swelling with love. “I never wanted you to be anyone but yourself, Joshua. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, least of all to me.”

Joshua’s eyes shone with emotion, and for the first time in a long time, he let himself fully embrace the love they had—love that wasn’t about expectations or conditions, but about simply being there for one another. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “For never giving up on me. For standing by me when I wasn’t sure who I was.”

Y/N’s eyes glistened, and she shook her head. “I didn’t give up on you. I believed in you, Shua. Always.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, the gentle hum of the café surrounding them. Outside, the sun had dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of pink and purple. The world felt like it was slowing down, just for them.

Suddenly, Joshua pulled something from his pocket—something small, wrapped carefully in velvet. Y/N looked at him, curious, as he slid it across the table toward her.

“What the hell is this?” she asked, her voice a mix of surprise and delight.

Joshua smiled softly, the same warmth in his eyes that she had come to love. “Just a little something for you.”

She carefully unwrapped it, revealing a delicate diamond engagement ring. The center stone sparkled brightly, a soft halo surrounding it, elegant and timeless—a reflection of everything they had been through, and everything they would face together in the future.

“What the.. Is this?” She said, her voice soft, filled with awe.

“I thought it was time,” Joshua said, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m not asking you to wait forever anymore, Y/N. I want to spend the rest of my life with you—no more hiding, no more uncertainty. I want you by my side, always.”

Y/N felt a rush of warmth flood her chest, her hands trembling slightly as she reached for the ring. Her eyes glistened with tears. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” he said, his voice steady but full of love. “You’ve been my strength, my guide, my heart. I want this. I want you.”

She nodded, her voice barely a whisper. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Joshua gently took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger. He looked at her with such intensity, his eyes soft with love and promise. “I love you, Y/N. More than I’ve ever known how to say.”

She smiled through the tears, her heart overflowing. “I love you too. I always have.”

And with that, they sat in the warmth of each other’s company, knowing that no matter what the future held, they would face it together—unapologetically, without fear, and with hearts that had finally found their home in each other.

Months later, the Hong estate had changed. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but there was progress. Joshua had finally learned how to set boundaries with his father, and though there were still disagreements, there was a newfound respect between them. Joshua had come to terms with the fact that his father’s approval would never be unconditional, but he had also come to understand that he didn’t need it to be happy.

He was no longer defined by his father’s expectations or by the pressure of a legacy he had never chosen. He was his own man, with his own dreams—and he had Y/N by his side. They were no longer a secret. They were a couple, standing proudly in the light of the life they had chosen for themselves.

And when the time came for their wedding day, the simple, intimate ceremony was filled with love—not just from the two of them, but from their families and friends who had supported them along the way. It wasn’t about grand gestures or the approval of others; it was about their love, which had been forged in secret but had blossomed into something pure and real.

As they stood together at the altar, Joshua holding her hand, Y/N smiled up at him, knowing that this was only the beginning of their life together.

They had faced the darkness. They had fought for each other. And now, they were stepping into a future full of love, trust, and hope.

[autisticexpression2]

"In ThE mIdSt Of A dIsCuSsIoN wItH pEoPlE wHo HiGhLy PrIzE rAtIoNaLiSm"

I tremble in the presence of such intellectual giants!

You people are so stupid, it's not even funny.

"For it is written, that Abraham had two sons, the one by a bondmaid, the other by a freewoman. But he who was of the bondwoman was born after the flesh; but he of the freewoman was by promise.  Which things are an allegory: for these are the two covenants; the one from the mount Sinai, which gendereth to bondage, which is Agar."

-Galatians 4: 23-24 (the fucking Bible)

3rd century theologian Origen said the Bible's true meaning could ONLY be found by reading it allegorically.

 "This, however, must not be unnoted by us, that as the chief object of the Holy Spirit is to preserve the coherence of the spiritual meaning, either in those things which ought to be done or which have been already performed, if He anywhere finds that those events which, according to the history, took place, can be adapted to a spiritual meaning, He composed a texture of both kinds in one style of narration, always concealing the hidden meaning more deeply; but where the historical narrative could not be made appropriate to the spiritual coherence of the occur­rences, He inserted sometimes certain things which either did not take place or could not take place; sometimes also what might happen, but what did not:  and He does this at one time in a few words, which, taken in their “bodily” meaning, seem inca­pable of containing truth, and at another by the in­sertion of many."

On Genesis in particular, he said the following:

"For who that has understanding will suppose that the first, and second, and third day, and the evening and the morning, existed without a sun, and moon, and stars? And that the first day was, as it were, also without a sky? And who is so foolish as to suppose that God, after the manner of a husbandman, planted a paradise in Eden, towards the east, and placed in it a tree of life, visible and palpable, so that one tasting of the fruit by the bodily teeth obtained life? And again, that one was a partaker of good and evil by masticating what was taken from the tree? And if God is said to walk in the paradise in the evening, and Adam to hide himself under a tree, I do not suppose that anyone doubts that these things figuratively indicate certain mysteries, the history having taken place in appearance, and not literally."

St. Augustine, one of the most influential Christian theologians, famously concurred that Genesis was not to be taken literally. And yeah, no shit. The main character is named "Man" and his wife has a conversation with a fucking snake. Not Satan in the form of a snake like fundies will tell you. Just a regular snake. Who talks because animals talk in this kind of story, and the people of the time would have been familiar with those conventions.

It is pure arrogance to think we in the 21st century are uniquely rational. Ancient people weren't stupid. The people who built the seven wonders of the ancient world knew snakes didn't actually talk. They knew that certain Biblical stories were theological retellings of Babylonian myths. They didn't post on tumblr about the Hades and Persephone story like it was true crime. They did believe that a god or gods existed, but they understood that the stories that had been written about them were ultimately written by men. Do you think the ancient Greeks and Romans were unaware of how many different and contradictory versions there were of each story??? THEY WROTE DOWN EVERYTHING! That's how we know there are multiple versions of everything in the first place! You are not smarter than a Greek philosopher!

Literalism is a modern cope, not fucking metaphor.

I'm spraying you with a can of raid.

We need the obnoxious atheists back. I know they engineered their own destruction by being annoying and pretentious, but it has become apparent how essential to the ecosystem they were. The religious fanatics have become too bold without their natural predators. Jesus wojaks would have been torn to shreds in 2011.

[thrfted]

꩜ DATING MR. SILVAIR .ᐟ

Mix of other + our world headcanons (Italics is in the other world’s language!)

For the anon who requested! Vry glad you liked Mr. Crawling’s, thanks for the trust w Silvair :D Feel like I see him a lot.. nicer..? than most hcs I’ve seen and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad for mebjfhdsfhjd

(seen in ending 3) Mr. Silvair loves studying and learning about you, but he still feels bad if you seem upset or get hurt. If or when he doesn’t understand why you’re upset, he’ll ask what he did and apologize. He values learning about these differences in emotions, communication, perspective, etc.

He isn’t naturally physically affectionate, but he doesn’t refuse your requests or affection! He at least pats your head or back, not letting go until you do (unless he’s got things to do). Initially confused, he admits it feels nice when you hug him and that he’s started looking forward to (or at least expecting) it.

^ You can ask him for a forehead kiss or two, even if he doesn’t get why. He understands that it makes you happy and it isn’t like it’s doing him any harm anyway!  You’ll probably have to show him what a kiss is though. Will he find it amusing if you become flustered kissing him first? Say “Cute”? Probably.

You and Mr. Chopped become close friends too, sometimes (playfully) gossiping to each other about Mr. Silvair while he’s off doing experiments. There’s a few times Mr. Silvair seems to get jealous by the amount of time you guys spend together, especially if he catches you laughing at Mr. Chopped’s antics. He takes initiative and tries to have one-on-one time with you after that.

Maybe he does tie his hair back and we don’t know it, but I think he’d appreciate the idea if you brought it up! Sometimes it’s a half-up look, a simple ponytail, or you braid it back if you want. As long as it’s out of his face and not difficult to take out, he doesn’t mind.

If you enjoy/are comfortable with it, he might ask for your help with experiments, or… you? Your blood sometimes, at least. But he respects you if you’d rather stay away, even if he’s disappointed for a while.

Both of you spend quite a bit of time walking and talking while trying to find a new room when need be. You start to teach him your language, and he uses a few words and phrases when possible.

Mr. Silvair is more focused on experiments rather than interior decoration. But whether you ask to decorate his place in the other world or show him your home in ours, he grows a fondness for your taste. He even brings home things that remind him of you to see if you'll enjoy them.

^ In the same branch, if you bring something you think he’ll like, he takes good care of it, making sure its always somewhere safe!

Of course, he can’t really do the same studies in our world, or at least get his subjects in the same way. Be warned that he may or may not want to go out and find test subjects… somewhere…?

But on the bright side, it’s literally a whole new world! With so much available to him, at least he has other ways to learn than capturing and cutting things or people up.

Mr. Silvair as a good cook / kitchen helper? Really good at cutting up food, even if he doesn’t want to eat it.

In general he’s pretty good around the house! He remembers chores and keeps his space tidy for both your sakes, helping out wherever he can.

His hair is already pretty, but imagine how nice it’d look and feel after a shower! You keep running your fingers through his hair and he tilts his head. “You like? Pretty?” You nod and ask “Me pretty?” and Mr. Silvair smiles. “Pretty.” (Subconsciously, he starts paying closer attention to your hair or appearance, and how you take care of yourself.)

^ He isn’t particular about scents (other than preferring subtler ones) and will likely use whatever you use unless asked otherwise. Don’t expect him to pick up a hair or skincare routine though.

The first few days especially, Mr. Silvair is so focused on seeing and learning as much as possible, that he’ll likely be up late. He doesn’t really get the whole day and night thing, so you have to tell him that rest is good, and that you’re worried for him. “You worried?” “Yes. We rest.” “...Okay.”

His understanding of love is still different from yours, but (I think) he does care about you, and loves you in his own way! He makes sure you’re safe, helps you when you’re injured, and enjoys spending time with you. I’m not sure if he’d say “I love you” (since he doesn’t comprehend what that really means) but he’d at least reassure you that he likes you and finds you interesting :3

^ Though I’ll say if you’re a romance genre fan in our world, he picks up on the usage of “I love you” in media and if it matches his emotions, he might try it out and see how you react

[plaidos]

I hope you forgive the tangent and the rambling, but the lack of physically disabled players in Dimension 20 is also very, very glaring, compared to who gravitates to DnD in the real world. There are physically disabled PCs and NPCs, as well as some allegorical disabilities. There's some good plotlines out there, but for the most part, it's very shallow 'inclusion' that doesn't think about how physically disabled people live. The disabled mermaid thing in particular was so incredibly cliche, without a second thought put into it. Again and again, the show flourishes when people get to actually explore their own experiences, but flounders when well-meaning outsiders try to approximate it. I think the selection of transfem NPCs is similar to disabled NPCs, like you can't even believe how half-assed it gets sometimes.

So overall I think that - in addition to the pervasive top-down transmisogyny you mention - decision-makers at Dropout just don't want to be inconvenienced. Having physically disabled cast members might mean they'd need to change their schedule or established routines; and they're alllll about inclusiveness But Not Like That, not where it means they have to actually change things.

this is so so so true and incredibly notable. like, how many of their shows would even be accessible to perform on as a wheelchair user? really glaring

[cheyisagirlkisser]

˗ˏˋ Fluffy Abby Anderson HCs ˎˊ˗

Content: sfw, fem! reader / Abby Anderson, I swear a lot:(

A/N: I’ve been lacking on my Abby content recently I am so sorry I missed her, but I’m working on a request for a cute firefighter Abby fic so stay tuned for that:3

💌Abby is so sweet to you!! Like she’s big and strong but really she just wants cuddles and she likes to read books aloud to you

💌Abby loves the piano, maybe not playing it herself but it’s her favorite instrument to her she feels like the keys speak to her, every touch is a change in emotion or increase in a particular emotion itself

💌Abby can be a people pleaser at times and while you let her spoil you, she deserves it all back. She deserves soft kisses and to feel butterflies in her stomach from your words, she really just deserves the world

💌For some reason she has a total soft spot for Disney princess movies. Her favorites are Tangled and Mulan.

💌This is obvious but she is a HUGEEE gym girl. Loves hiking so much and getting in the gym, comes home sweaty and argues that she can only take a shower if you sit on the toilet seat while she rants about everything and anything

💌One time you bought her flowers for a date and she got so emotional about it probably shed a tear cause most people just see her as masculine because of her build and she actually does love flowers / gifts. Peonies are her favorite.

💌Cries to Titanic and the Notebook I can imagine Lev abusing the fuck out of this information

💌Sometimes when some asshole comments on her body or insults her femininity, she likes that you will spend time just holding her close and kissing her. Kissing her biceps and telling her how beautiful she is, her chest and her firm stomach, her toned legs and back up to her pouty lips

💌While Ellie’s pretty famous for her puns and dad jokes I think that Abby tells silly jokes a lot too, she has big sister humor and gets all butthurt when people don’t find her funny

💌Asks you to braid her hair for her because she loves the way your fingers feel twisting through the strands of her hair

💌Likes caramel candies or the chocolates filled with it!!

💌Favorite holiday is some random shit like New Year’s, but looks forward to Christmas so she can spoil the shit out of you

💌Goes BALLISTIC over pinatas at kids parties hand her a bat and a blindfold she will be swinging that shit

💌Speaking of children Abby is so gentle and sweet with kids she’s the type of person to jump on the trampoline with your little cousins at the family gathering while the adults are doing their own thing

[cpvnksabm]

hey rtc fandom. i wanted to talk about some of the more common ableist stereotypes that affect how society views disabled people. i don't see ricky as being much of a stereotype in canon, however i sometimes see fanworks where he's depicted in stereotypical ways that really don't line up with how he's portrayed in canon, and i find this worrying. i think there's a lack of awareness around these stereotypes and people often aren't realizing that what they're doing can be harmful

Infantilization of disabled people

This is basically just the idea that disabled people are somehow mentally younger than their actual age, or should be treated as younger than their actual age. This idea is mainly used against people with neurodevelopmental disabilities, intellectual disability in particular, but it is also sometimes applied to people outside that group. And this stereotype is really harmful because of how frequently it results in disabled people's freedom being limited. based on a false idea that disabled adults are "mentally too young" to drink alcohol, swear, or make their own life decisions.

You can see this stereotype in the musical itself, with how Ocean treats Ricky. Despite only being six months older than him, she refers to him as "Sweet Little Ricky Potts", expresses shock when he talks about sexual topics, and claims in her song that "he'll never learn to read".

But you can also see in the musical that Ocean is wrong to treat him this way. Ocean's character development, culminating in her decision to choose Jane over herself at the end, is a huge part of the musical! Ricky's entire song focuses on him expressing his creativity and talking about sexual fantasies, which he has just like most teens do. And his dialogue after the song focuses on talking about his worldview, showing that he does have thoughts that are worth sharing.

So I find it concerning when the fandom also gravitates toward treating Ricky like a child - sometimes talking about him using the same infantilizing language that Ocean uses. RTC might not have had a scene where Ocean turns directly to the audience and says "By the way, I was wrong to infantilize Ricky and this was due to my own ableist biases!", but that doesn't mean you're supposed to agree with everything she says.

Ricky might be the youngest of the choir, but only by a few months. It's not appropriate to talk about him as though he's a small child. Please be mindful of the words you're using for Ricky, particularly words that are used to infantilize him in canon like the "sweet little ricky potts" nickname, and try to talk about him just like you would talk about any other seventeen-year-old character.

Disabled people getting "special treatment"

This is just the idea that disabled people automatically have access to special privileges because of being disabled - that we can easily get away with things that abled people would be punished for, that we get given anything we want without having to work for it, that we are automatically treated better, etc etc.

This stereotype is twofold. First of all, it involves framing basic things like mobility aids and accommodations as "special privileges", when in reality, these things mainly exist to level the playing field. They don't give us an automatic advantage over abled people - they just help mitigate the advantage abled people generally have over us. And second of all, this stereotype involves assuming that these basic things, such as mobility aids and accommodations, are automatically given to us.

In reality, disabled people are not automatically treated well for being disabled. The opposite is true - we are frequently discriminated against in a variety of ways. Even extremely important things, like medical treatment or mobility aids, are often a struggle to access.

Despite all of this, people in the RTC fandom sometimes talk about Ricky getting special treatment or extra attention for his disability. In fact, that claim was the one that inspired this whole post.

And yet in canon this couldn't be further from the case! Karnak literally emphasises that Ricky was treated with "the worst cruelty humanity can muster - complete apathy". We see him being constantly ignored by his classmates and expressing that the choir, in the afterlife, are the first people to actually listen to him. The most "special treatment" he gets is his classmate, who infantilises him, singing about how his life isn't worth living because of his disability. And that's barely even special, she sings like that about most of the characters!

The idea that Ricky gets any "special treatment" for being disabled is clearly not inspired by anything in the musical itself. And it's also not accurate to real disabled peoples' experiences. It's just a completely wrong stereotype.

I've touched on this in previous posts but just a reminder - you should never be trying to "fix" RTC's disability rep without doing research. I think that sometimes people wrongly believe the ableism ricky faced in canon was unrealistic, and that they're improving canon by having him be automatically treated well for his disability - this is not true at all. Please look into real disabled peoples' experiences as inspiration for changing or expanding on canon, and please put in the effort to make sure your idea of "realism" isn't just based in stereotypes.

The "all disabilities are the same" idea

This one is simple - it's the idea that all disabilities can be treated interchangeably. For example, that two people with different disabilities (such as autism and arthritis) will automatically have similar life experiences, just because they're both disabled.

This is a ridiculous stereotype. "Disabled" is an extremely broad term which describes an extremely wide range of things. Not everyone benefits from the same sorts of aids or accommodations, and not everyone has the same experiences.

What this means in regards to Ricky is that you cannot swap his canon disability out for another one and have that not be erasure. Ricky canonically has a rare degenerative disease (heavily implied to be neuromuscular), which causes mobility impairment (resulting in him needing mobility aids), inability to speak, and a reduced lifespan. None of these aspects of his disability are interchangeable with other disabilities.

It's not okay to remove aspects of Ricky's disability just to give him another, different disability. They are not interchangeable.

It's perfectly okay to give him disabilities he isn't implied to have in canon - people frequently do have multiple unrelated disabilities! Just please make sure this is in addition to his canonically implied neuromuscular disability, and not replacing it.

Conclusion / TL;DR

I'm all for death-of-the-author and interpreting characters in various ways but it's a little concerning when I see fanworks and the like pigeonholing ricky into specific ableist stereotypes, when canon almost went out of its way to avoid them. we all know that stereotyping isn't polite or accurate so there's really no reason to depict ricky in these ways. i assume people aren't realizing the potential harm or sometimes think they're improving on canon by making it more stereotypical? this is why it's important to research rather than assuming you know what would be the right way to depict ricky

i didn't cover everything in this post because there were some issues that i thought were complex enough to justify a separate post. but reminder that my asks are always open if you'd like a disabled person's perspective on something specific! please dont hesitate to ask for advice!

[slasherparty]

Jennifer Check headcanons for being best friends with her please?

this is so wholesome anon :’) 💌 here you go!

being best friends with jennifer 💭

she calls you at midnight, every midnight, without fail. not because she has anything in particular to say, but because the night is vast and full of things that whisper, and your voice is the only thing she trusts not to lie to her.

she steals little things from you — your favorite lip balm, a paperback novel you’ve read a hundred times, a threadbare hoodie. she never admits it, but they show up in her room, carelessly tossed onto her bed, like trophies of the fact that she knows you better than anyone else.

she drags you to strange places at strange hours. an abandoned playground at dawn. a forgotten diner on the edge of town where the neon sign flickers like morse code. a clearing in the woods where the air feels heavier, older, as if it remembers something it shouldn’t. she always says it’s “for the aesthetic,” but you think she’s looking for something, or someone.

she knows all your secrets without you having to tell her. she never uses them against you — at least not seriously — but she’ll tease you mercilessly about that crush you swore you got over two years ago or the way you hum when you’re nervous.

when you’re upset, she doesn’t try to fix it. she just sits with you, offering you the kind of quiet solidarity that feels like wrapping yourself in a blanket made of sunlight. sometimes she’ll braid your hair, her hands soft and steady, and you’ll think for a moment that everything might be okay.

she’s fiercely protective of you, even though she pretends not to care. if someone so much as looks at you wrong, her eyes narrow, and her smile sharpens into something wolfish. you’ve learned to let her handle it because she will handle it.

she has a way of making the mundane magical. a trip to the mall becomes an adventure to the “world’s least enchanted castle.” a study session turns into a séance, complete with candlelight and whispered incantations.

she’s always late, but she always shows up. even if it’s two hours past when she said she’d meet you, she arrives in a whirlwind of excuses, charm, and a fun drink she bought to make it up to you.

she teases you constantly but won’t let anyone else do the same. if someone tries, she shuts them down with a single glance, her tone dripping with venom. “Only I get to bully them,” she’ll say, flashing you a grin that’s equal parts affection and possession.

she touches you more than she touches anyone else. a hand on your shoulder, a finger trailing down your arm, a nudge of her knee against yours. it’s casual, easy, but it feels like a spell — a tether tying you to her.

she gives you nicknames no one else is allowed to use. they’re always slightly mocking but weirdly endearing, like “Nerdling” or “My Little Disaster.”

when she smiles at you, it feels like being let in on a secret. the kind of secret that makes the world a little brighter, a little stranger, a little more worth being in.

she always knows what you need, even before you do. a cup of hot chocolate on a bad day. a playlist of songs she swears remind her of you. a sudden, unexpected “You’re not as annoying as everyone else, you know,” muttered into the quiet like a benediction.

she makes you feel like you’re the main character in a story she’s telling. and maybe you are, or maybe she just knows how to make the world feel like a stage. either way, you don’t mind.

thanks for reading!! 💌

you can find more of my writing here on ao3!

[x-bella-angel-x]

people say that Keefe and Grady are very similar, but I only think that that applies to a certain degree

Both Keefe and Grady have a particular sense of humor, and it's safe to say that they may have been similar when Grady was younger. And they both have very powerful abilities. The difference: Keefe has friends who support him. Grady probably did not.

In exile, he talked about how kids at Foxfire didn't really trust him. He was alone. His parents didn't fully understand what he was going through, and it's clear that it had a huge impact on his mental well-being. And it's an ability that the council clearly exploits. I think somewhere in the series he mentions something about the council never fully letting him resign.

He is more similar to Sophie in this matter. Sophie is very powerful, and from a very young age as well. The council is (in my opinion) trying to exploit her powers now that they've appointed her as a regent. Grady was telling her that she has had a huge burden dumped on her--and that he knows what that's like. He is scared of his own power, just like Sophie.

And when it comes to dealing with problems, it's like fight or flight for them. Keefe takes flight, Grady fights.

I think that Grady is more similar like Fitz this way. Fitz has trouble with emotional regulation, and he lashes out. Canonically we know that Grady struggled with anger management issues when he was younger as well, and as he has grown, he learned how to control his emotions much better. But he still slips sometimes and when he does it's absolutely terrifying. When he broke Fintan's face in nightfall, (love you Fintan xoxo) and when Vespera and Gisela said that he was the most ruthless elf they've ever met (this is coming from fucking war criminals!!) and they are completely and utterly RIGHT. He has learned how to use his anger as a weapon. He is capable of murder. Like Fitz, (Who dropped arguably one of the hardest lines in the series: Wiityispb) and was ready to kill his brother. You CAN'T tell me that they aren't similar in that aspect.

I WILL continue to ramble about this later dw 😍

[laconchadetumadre]

tbf in s20 it wasnt only kyle who broke cartman's stuff, all the boys partook in that. kyle himself was hesitant to go through with that plan even when all the boys were on board:

Stan: What else do we do, Kyle? You know better than anybody what a monster he is.

Tolkien: He pushed everyone too far.

Butters: It's him, or us!

Kyle: Are we seriously talking about doing this?

and after it's revealed it wasn't cartman, kyle is arguably the one who feels the most remorseful.

As for Kyle threatening to use cartman's internet history to sabotage his relationship with heidi, that honestly seems like a bit of a stretch to me. I think kyle was mostly focused on stopping Troltrace from going online, and since cartman was on the opposite side trying to make everyone's internet history public, kyle had to find a way to get cartman out of the way. kyle knows how far cartman is willing to go in order to accomplish his goals, so this seems more like a strategic move to me.

I also dont really agree that kyle was being "salty" about cartman and heidi. I think he was just shocked and suspicious about them because, i mean... it's cartman. Besides the few scenes where kyle seems confused about their relationship, he doesn't act super "jealous" towards the couple. and even if he were, i think undermining kyle's concern for heidi is unfair. kyle has been shown to be protective and caring towards other kids even if he doesn't know them or isn't responsible for them like blanket, the new kid, cartman himself, david and heidi. so, it isnt so farfetched to assume he did genuenly feel bad for heidi. Paired with his own history with cartman, it makes perfect sense that he'd feel compelled to try and help her out.

im not gonna deny that kyle can be a very jealous boy sometimes, but i dont think that was the case with heiman in particular, at least not before he started liking heidi.

ya'll forget how much cartman unconditionally supports kyle

ok so i HATED how after the end of obesity special all the people who shit on cartman while blindly supporting anything kyle does were all like "ugh i can't believe cartman insulted kyle even after how much he helped him in the episode!1!1 😤" or "wow kyle is such a good person he's still willing to help cartman even after everything cartman's done!1!1!" like ok i'm gonna stop you right there LOL. are ya'll forgetting how much of an ASS kyle's been to cartman the past few seasons?!?!? (and rlly the whole series lol) that piece of shit deadass broke all of his stuff, stole his girlfriend, sabotaged his happy future with a wife and kids, REFUSED to help him when he was sucked into a parallel dimension where everyone is replaced with a diverse woman, and still kept fucking harassing him for being fat even when when cartman stopped making jew jokes for the most part. and ya'll have the nerve to shame cartman just for lightly teasing kyle at the end???? the reason why this episode was such a breath of fresh air was bc it finally showed kyle being nice to cartman for once and being a good friend BACK. ya'll are forgetting the fact that cartman helps kyle with shit all the time too i mean deadass remember when he got out of the hospital bed to save kyle from the PC people???? yet, kyle didn't appreciate it and still broke all of cartman's stuff and tried sabotaging his relationship the next season LOL. so yeah kyle going out of his way to help cartman with a weight loss drug is honestly the LEAST he could do at this point to make up for all the times cartman was nice to him and tried helping him and he was an ungrateful little bitch about it. that's why i'm rlly not that mad abt cartman making that ginger jew joke at the end bc i mean at least they're even now and it's rlly nowhere near as bad as all the unappreciative ways kyle has tried to screw cartman over after cartman was there for him.

[cripplecharacters]

do you or any of your followers have tips for writing a character with tinnitus? like his common experiences. he has cybernetics that help with it but they do fail at times. I've sorta drawn on my experiences with auditory processing issues/spd, but I'd really appreciate knowing what experiences the two disabilities have in common and their differences

Hi!

Tinnitus is a common symptom/side effect of apd and hearing loss. In those cases it is usually triggered by auditory overstimulation, or when moving from a loud area to a very quiet one.

Tinnitus can also occur in people without any hearing problems. This is also generally triggered by sudden silence, but can also be more random.

For me as a HoH person it is mainly triggered by silence and listening to other sounds (like music) can help it go away. It's very distracting and I can't do much else until it stops. If I'm in the middle of doing something and it starts I am startled and suddenly put my hands over my ears (which doesn't help!)

Mod Rock

Hi, I'm not deaf/HoH and my tinnitus is, as Rock said, mostly triggered by silence. I only get it in one ear (always the same one) and for me, it's almost always a very high-pitched, sometimes kinda buzzing sound. In my case it ramps up and when it does start I sometimes think that maybe it's an electronic device making the sound rather than realizing it's the tinnitus (even though I probably should be able to tell it apart by this point, but here we are).

My tinnitus has always been very distracting to me - it's really hard to continue whatever I was doing while it's going on (hard to ignore a loud "eeeee" or static noise playing on one side of your head). I tend to put on some music or even just Loudly Hum to tune it out because it's annoying. It just comes and goes, both rather quickly.

I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

Hello, I have constant tinnitus and sensory processing disorder though am not HoH or deaf. For me, I barely notice my tinnitus until it's silent or if something, such as a headache, causes it to get louder (or at least sound like it gets louder.) I've had it for over a decade so I'm very used to it. Mine mostly takes the form of a high-pitched ringing, similar to ringing ears after a very loud noise, and whenever it is noticeable it annoys me more than anything. Whenever I do notice it, I, similar to what Sasza said, tend to put on headphones and listen to something until I forget about the tinnitus.

If you're going with cybernetics that help his tinnitus, I would recommend using something that lessens his tinnitus if he's got constant tinnitus like I do. There's no real-life way to even temporarily fully stop tinnitus if he has ear damage or a similar issue, but there are things we can do or treatments we can get to make it fade into the background. A cybernetic that helps his tinnitus would be best if it's something that lowers it to easier levels to deal with, not something that entirely erases it. I do like the idea of the cybernetics not always working- sometimes the treatment doesn't work for whatever reason on a particular day and when that happens, we have to deal with it, so I like that this also happens with him.

As for how it interacts with my sensory processing disorder, it really doesn't unless it's being particularly loud for whatever reason. When that happens, because my brain pays equal attention to both the tinnitus and whatever someone is saying, I may have trouble understanding what someone is saying. It might also block out certain sounds, such as light footfalls of someone coming up behind me, but really it's a fifty-fifty chance. It could be either my tinnitus causing me to not register the sound or it could be my sensory processing disorder picking up a different sound and deciding it's more important than whoever is behind me. Most of the time, having the two just feels like having anxiety and attention hyperactive deficit disorder. Both things are happening and it causes certain challenges, but they're two different things that don't usually interact or, if they do, I can't really tell which one is contributing what so now I'm annoyed with both of them.

Mod Aaron

[redkittyjellyfish]

sorry if this is a dumb question but when talking about the law of assumption, everyone says reality is made up of your assumptions, like you assume the sun will rise so it does but if that’s true how do things you don’t expect happen? like if you assume you’ll get up and go to work/school like normal but it gets cancelled out of no where (i can’t think of a better example sorry 😭)

First, this is not a dumb question! (No question is dumb unless it is 💀) THIS IS ACTUALLY A GOOD QUESTION!

Yeah so reality IS made up of ur assumptions. Literally try it for yourself cuz YOU have to prove it to yourself. You don't HAVE to manifest some desire of urs. It's can be anything such as seeing a particular colour cars (literally did it today lol cuz it's fun)

And for the "how do things you don't expect happen?" Part, I'd say either it's something you expected subconsciously or thought about somewhere, sometime but forgot. It might also be something you focused on (it doesn't have to be direct like if I use the example you gave let's say you didn't expected school to be cancelled today but you were focusing on the fact that it'll be great if it got cancelled maybe a few days ago or you were thinking of doing something else you might do that you end up doing in the time your school might have been)

The example you shared literally happened with me today 😭 (coincidence? I think not 😼) so I went to my tution today but it "unexpectedly" got cancelled! And I manifested that a few days ago too so it probably manifested again. And the fact that I didn't even thought about tuition today like i usually would yk (unconsciously imagining the room etc) i didn't did that today cuz I was excited to go to shopping 😍 lmao and it happened.

So I hope this answers your question 😭🩷

[xi-xi-chen]

do you think you would ever eventually draw a grown up version of jinx, lux and isha? seeing all the headcanons about them made me start thinking about how lightcannon would handle isha through her teenage/young adult years,,,,, like half of it comes from my desire of wanting to see lightcannon's dynamic as they become a bit more mature and their trauma/hurt is less raw? (if that makes sense? like being able to see them as adults who have grown to be a bit more grounded and secure 🥹) and also wanting to see what isha would look/act like as she grows up bc ... she was robbed of that in canon 🥲🥲🥲

btw i don't mean this as a request or me pressuring u to draw them !! i just wanted to yap about them bc im in my lightcannon + isha sappy feels 🫠

(sidenote: do we have a name for the lightcannon + isha found family relationship?? they literally mean everything to me ☹️💕)

Aw, no problem, I've been wanting to get around to this anyway. I went back and did a rough character study and tried to keep as much of the same features in. However, I tried not to worry too much since this is essentially a transformation from child to semi-adult.

The inspo mostly came from my own hairstyle, I've got curls similar to Isha's at the top, but it strengthens at the ends and back. So with enough length, I sometimes put tiny braids in, so that's where this particular design comes from, of course, with some help of reference from chosen Pinterest images, too. I also wanted to leave Isha's imitation, I think she'd still want to copy Jinx's hairstyles once in a while and implement the same cuts on a smaller scale.

As far as maturity goes, I think they'd communicate pretty efficiently, but of course, to a degree for some needed independence once in a while and all that jazz. However, I imagine they'd also be a tightly knit together family, close enough that they'd want to always carry something around that reminds them of the other. I think for Isha, that's in the form of images and colors, so hair dye and accessories.

I see Jinx growing out her hair eventually, like a wolf cut style, because even I miss my long ass hair from way back when, but Iove the tapers, so a shaved side of the head would follow along. Lux would probably get the cut just shy of the chin and finally use hair dye for the first time. But I can't decide if she'd go as far as to get an undercut as well. I think Jinx would want some kind of trinket for them, so she'd probably go onto wearing piercings, and they'd follow the idea. So, yeah, just little things that represent one another.

These are just a very few rough drafts, I really wanted to draw them, so I'm glad you've shared your thoughts with me, it helped me push through to get something up and running.

(I don't know any new names

for the lightcannon+Isha 😔)

[tj-dragonblade]

[Connect 4 FIC] Mementos

Fandom: The Sandman Pairing: Dreamling Rated: G Word Count: 1243 Tags: fluff, pre-relationship, future fic, photography

Notes: For the @sandman-connect4 prompts Goldfish and Photography

Summary: Hob waxes nostalgic about an old hobby that's also his newest career.

On AO3

"Photography is such an amazing innovation, yeah?" Hob snaps another photo as he speaks, capturing the elegant swish of orange and white fins just breaking the pond's surface. "Still marvel over it, sometimes, used to it as I am."

"Indeed." Dream is drifting along at Hob's side, interested and attentive, and Hob knows by now that no one nearby will pay any attention to his ramblings so long as Dream is here with his notice-me-not aura. He's free to speak of whatever he likes without fear of being overheard.

"Couldn't imagine, first I heard of it—a device to take your portrait, without having to sit for a painter? Unthinkable! But it was true!" He snaps another pic as a particularly elegant fantail wriggles past a lily pad. "Couldn't wait to get a daguerreotype taken; I still have it, stored away for safekeeping, along with every other portrait I had done in the nineteenth century. They just kept refining and improving on the process—it was amazing, y'know? How marvelous, this ability to capture an image exactly as seen, and it just kept getting better. Had plans to show you the latest I'd had done at our meeting in 1889, if I hadn't put my foot in it first." He snaps another photo, two fish swimming past one another in a graceful floating of fins, and keeps right on talking before Dream can offer any commentary on that particular phase of their friendship. It's water under the bridge, done and gone and forgiven and he doesn't need an apology every time it comes up.

"And then personal-use cameras became a thing, and the tech just kept improving. It was so exciting to have the ability—I could just, y'know, pick up a camera and take pictures of whatever I liked! Any time! People I'd eventually have to leave behind, I could keep pictures now, if I wanted. Don't always, y'know, I've gotten very good at picking up and moving on when needed and not pulling a bunch of baggage after me, but it's nice sometimes to have those photos there to look back on when the memory starts to fade."

Dream makes a soft sound of agreement as Hob crouches by the edge of the pond, snapping a few rapid-fire shots from the new lower angle.

"And then Polaroids! Didn't even have to send those out, just wait a few minutes and wave it about a bit. Instant pictures. Fantastic. And then digital cameras? Phone cameras? Video, of course? Nowadays everybody's got hundreds of photos in their pocket at any given second, everyone can record or commemorate anything in their life that they want at a moment's notice, and I think that's just brilliant." He grunts as he rises back to his feet, steps away from the perimeter of the pond to capture a wider shot.

"Spent a lot of time on photography as a hobby, middle of last century," he continues as he works. "Amazing how accessible it was. Learned how to develop my own film, which lenses could do what, played with anything I could get my hands on. It was just so cool."

"It was this time as a hobbyist that led you to your current career choice, then," Dream says, in a tone of dawning understanding.

"Yeah, more or less." Teaching had lasted him another decade and a half after Dream's return before he'd needed to pull up roots and reinvent himself, and his old hobby had called to him. "With the trending interest in reviving analog photography it seemed a decent choice after retiring 'Professor Gadling'. Wasn't hard to get hired; most of what I shoot for the magazine's still digital—most of their subscription distribution is digital—but they've got an analog branch catering to collectors and enthusiasts and lucky for me I'm proficient in all of it."

"The luck perhaps belongs to your employer, in securing your skills," Dream offers, with one of those little smiles that Hob so loves to collect. He offers a grin of his own.

"I'll be sure to tell them you said so in my next appraisal."

"And do all of your assignments involve photographing fish?"

Hob laughs. "Nah, course not—it's a lifestyle-and-interest publication; I wind up shooting all sorts of things. This guy's been maintaining his ponds here for decades—probably knew that already, didn't you—and they wanted to do a feature on it. I was chuffed to get the assignment; I've been fascinated by pond building and maintenance for a few years now and I'm pleased to see this fabulous setup in person."

Dream says nothing, studying the pond in uncanny stillness as Hob takes a few more photos.

"Lovely creatures," he says at last.

"Aren't they?"

"They remind me of my sister."

"The one who—?" Hob makes a sweeping gesture with one hand meant to indicate himself and his whole still-alive thing.

"No; the youngest." Dream crouches, dangles fingertips in the water. "They often feature in the way that perception alters around her."

Hob waits to see if anything further is forthcoming, then tucks that small piece of information away to hopefully be expanded upon at a later date. He's learned much about Dream in the last couple decades by paying attention when these little dribs and drabs of personal information are offered and waiting patiently for the next.

He pauses in his photographing, glances sideways down at his friend. "What do their dreams look like, then? Do fish even sleep?"

"Not as such. Not as humans do." Dream wriggles his fingers, once, the surface rippling gently in their wake. "Their dreams are fleeting, gossamer; ephemeral wisps of comfortable waters, of safety, of plenty." There are fish approaching to nibble at Dream's fingertips, orandas and comets and ryukins; Hob watches for a moment then pulls out his phone and snaps a picture, for himself.

Dream catches the change of equipment, glances up with another of those little smiles—indulgent. Hob snaps again, pleased to have proof of that smile, pleased that Dream is present enough in the Waking today to be captured by the camera.

"Oh, look at this fellow," he says, motioning to a large black moor that is swimming up to investigate Dream's fingertips, and slips his phone back into his pocket.

"A beautiful specimen," Dream allows, holding perfectly still while the fish mouths at one finger and then another. "His color is exquisite."

Hob grins. "Must sense a fellow goth in you." He lifts his work camera again, snaps a few of the lovely black fish after Dream has reclaimed his hand.

"Perhaps." Dream's still got that little smile, and Hob remains absolutely delighted to see it.

"C'mon. Let's go see what Mr. Goldfish-Enthusiast has got in his koi pond, over here."

The rest of the afternoon passes pleasantly, more fish photographed, more stories of Hob's past told. And in his pocket, safe in his phone, there are two new pictures of Dream to remind him of his friend when absences stretch long, as they sometimes must. It is comforting, after everything and all these centuries, to know that he's allowed these mementos. He's confident by now that Dream will always return; they have met more in the last twenty years than in the six hundred before and Hob is elated that the friendship he'd recklessly claimed in 1889 has blossomed so wonderfully in truth.

But it's nice he's got the pictures to prove it.

= Started: 11/21/24 Drafted: 11/29/24 Posted: 11/30/24

[vicsy]

since u wanna talk about fic… I’m still so crazy about ur strollonso lingerie fic, and I’m wondering if u have any more thoughts on Lance In Panties… maybe more info about the first time lance dressed up like that for Fernando. like whose idea was it… what was he wearing… did Fernando buy it for him? Did Fernando’s brain explode into a billion pieces?… idk I just need all your insane lance panties thoughts, if you’re interested in sharing 🙂‍↕️🙏

hi Connor! <3

thank you so much for sending me this ask! I am a bit late with the reply (although I was buzzing to answer it) but alas...

I hold strollonso lingerie fic very dear to me because it was the first time of me even venturing into the themes and motives of this particular dynamic. my friends had to hold my hand firmly as I paced around the way to convey the reasons behind why Lance (it was his idea in the in-fic universe!) also kinda stepped out of his comfort zone.

I had a great conversation with my friend Logan while drafting this fic and, I think, besides Fernando's eyes comically popping out when Lance first unveiled himself like a present, this whole idea of presenting himself to Fernando in a this certain way came from a place of vulnerability. Perhaps even self-doubt because Lance was very aware of Fernando's dating history lmao and he though "hey how can I make this weird gremlin of a man stick around". so Lance kinda thought about the models Fernando dated (even though he didn't think he could compare :((( ) and voila. bough a set that did not fit well and it wasn't as good but THE REACTION. Lance was weirded the hell out at the way HE liked it, too. Fernando did not leave a single patch of his skin unmarked, unkissed or unbitten. suffice to say he has also destroyed almost every lingerie set Lance had bough (because he just HAD to ravage Lance).

now the whole feminization aspect of it... Lance likes to be Fernando's lil princess. you know that. I know that. he grew up surrounded by so much love and adoration he constantly seeks a match for it and, with Fernando, it comes with a lil bonus of feeling good while wearing lingerie (even if it's uncomfy and scratchy at times). Lance likes to be taken care of, pampered, and Fernando provides that, with or without the lingerie, but man... he goes insaaane for it, like bed-breaking chugging viagra all night all day etc. Lance got his world ROCKED....

so, to sum it up a bit – Lance got the idea, bough the first set, wrong size, first time he though a thong was a good idea LMAO that traumatized him a bit, the color was reddish (alluding to ferrari days and their first meeting...), Fernando almost had a coronary event from all of his blood rushing into his dick and they fucked so nasty the hotel had to be evacuated. but like who would blame Nando, if I saw Lance's ass wearing cute lacy panties I would check myself off this planet for real...... all that peach in soft, see-though lace... call 911.

now, tho, they totally check out stuff Lance can wear together. Fernando makes a suggestion here and there. he likes it when Lance wears white.... sometimes he outright asks Lance to wear something lacy under his clothes, even when they're out and at the end of the day Fernando, all wind up (Lance, too, admittedly) gets to unwrap a present for himself. and Lance just drown in the nicknames and dirty talk (finds it hot) the pampering... he's just out there on the bed seeing colors that don't exist, wearing the tatters of inexplicably expensive lingerie set while Fernando is drooling over him...