#but in my own mind.... you guys have no fucking idea

[imjustaf444keriguess]

okay, you can't just google the basic definition of a word that's used in several contexts. that'd be like me googling system, screenshotting the term used in computing systems, and saying that DID systems aren't real because it has to be made of electronics or whatever.

going to the tulpa.info website, one of the many internet pages created by psychological tulpamancers, we can see a vastly different (although technically related) definition on their main page

by this definition (an entity 'created in the mind, acting independently of, and parallel to your own consciousness [with the ability] to think, and have their own free will, emotions, and memories.'), are tulpa systems endogenic?

we know that endogenic means formed not from trauma, and i think creating an entity in your mind that's sentient of your own volition would count as willogenic/parogenic, which is a genic label that falls under endogenic plurality.

also, some of the sources are very general, and are mentioning systems that are "not DID", and many of the sources talk about non-tulpa plurality (even if some mentioned are similarly willingly made, maybe called sentient imaginary friends instead of tulpas directly)

plurality/systemhood is the state of being more than one "self" in the brain, and endogenic plurality is plurality that's not formed by trauma. if tulpas are separate "selves" in the mind, why do you not count them as endogenic plural beings?

literally, the sources that mention tulpas are talking about bodies with more than one "self" in them, that seem to be sentient and are being studied right now. to ignore them because the oxford dictionary says they're made "in the imagination" is silly.

maybe stop acting like an expert on tulpas being separate if you can't go to one of the most fucking popular tulpa websites. or better yet, he tulpa reddit!

"but it says they're imagined into existence so that means they're fake" if a mental "self" can think and act separately than the other "self" that made it, that's a separate fucking guy. unless you have evidence to show that it's solely imaginary and the studies on tulpas show that they're closer to roleplaying singlets than actual plural systems, then show me the study

because otherwise you're getting mad that people say imagined when clearly, we're referring to sentient "selves" in the brain! you know, plural experiences??

there's also this bit in the FAQ that ogoes into a bit more detail!

and actually i was gonna say this in the tags, but it's a bit silly you used the collins dictionary to search up the definition of tulpa, since i don't think a generic dictionary would focus on anything related to plurality specifically. of course it's gonna talk about the buddhist idea, and not the psychological internet-based-mostly belief and identity that also uses the same name

(i dont think tulpas as an experience is internet-based but the term tulpamancy was popularized on the internet and in practice is nothing like the tulpamancy in buddhism as far as i am aware. it's creating a thoughtform, a headmate, another "self", a sentient imaginary friend, a mental companion, there's many alternative words that people have come up with, on-and-offline.)

i was wondering if their definition of system would include the one used for DID/OSDD systems for years now, even if it didn't include non-traumagenic systems, and... none of the results even allow for the inclusion of that idea.

like of course i'm not a dumbass, i know the definition of what a system is in a plural and disordered sense, but none of those mention sentient parts of the self, none of them mention alters or headmates or switching or dissociation. if that was my only form of research into what systemhood was, i'd be very confused.

this dictionary website doesn't have plurality in the sense that i'm describing it either, referring to politics and the general sense of an amount

maybe trying to use definitions actual systems and tulpas and plurals use might help in the future! and take a single look at the tulpa research at least, coward.

(starting off, we are a traumagenic did system. we have did.)

endogenic systems are absolutely punk and they belong in punk spaces (pluralpunk, systempunk, whatever) and here’s why:

- punk is about embracing who you are and living your life authentically and unapologetically

- punk is about not letting other people dictate how you live your life and who you can be

- punk is about radical acceptance, equality, and solidarity

- punk is about rejecting authority and the establishment (and yes, this includes the medical establishment which is often ableist and causes disabled people real, long lasting harm)

there is no room for anti endos in punk. being anti endo literally is being anti punk. learn more about what punk means, and do better.

[rocknrolldecadence]

˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖✮-------------------✮˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖

just count your stars i’m home again

izzy calls you after an argument.

warnings: i don’t think there is any? drunkenness? being high?

a/n: this took forever cuz my phone has been glitching super bad recently (this is why the banner is low quality). also while i was writing this it was called ‘izzy stradlin is adam levine confirmed?’

it was late. the sun had set hours ago, casting los angeles in a deep black shadow with the city lights peeking through the darkness. the tv was on, and you flicked through every channel in search of something to take your mind off things. but it didn’t work. in fact, it made things worse, as you turned on MTV and were met with the ‘patience’ music video staring you in the face. you went to change the channel, but before you could, izzy showed up on screen. his gentle strumming of the guitar made you have to look away. you loved him, but he worried you so much.

you went on to the next channel, a shitty auctioneer’s show they only played in the late hours of the night. “this’ll have to do.” you said out loud, knowing there was no around to hear you. a bottle of jack stood on the kitchen counter. you hadn’t touched it since izzy had left, the image of him taking a swig right before he left burned into your memory. you tossed the idea of having some about in your head, but decided against it. who knows how he’d react?

hours passed, and izzy still hadn’t came home. you were about to give up hope for the night and go to bed when the phone rang. oh god. what’s happened this time? is izzy in trouble? did he caught with his drugs? has he been arrested? the questions ran through your mind a mile a minute. you practically jumped at the phone, scared to know what awaited you on the other end of the line.

“hey baby.” that low voice you loved so much greeted you.

“izzy? what the fuck? where the fuck have you been?” you interrogated him, a mix of anger and relief coursing inside you.

“jeez, you seem scared,” he laughed. “i’ve just been with the guys. writing and shit.”

“and getting high, i’m guessing?” you retorted. did he not care that he’d left you alone for two days, with no word of where he’d gone to?

“i’ve missed you baby.”

“seriously? you left me on my own for two days. i had no clue where you are. i still don’t!”

“i’m… at the whisky right now.”

of course he was.

“are you drunk?”

“does it matter..?”

you scoffed. that was all the confirmation you needed.

“i bet you’re high too, aren’t you?”

“look, babe, i’m sorry.”

“i don’t care if you’re sorry. that doesn’t change the fact you fucking walked out on me!” you snapped. you were relived to know he was okay, but god were you pissed off. there was no sincerity in his voice.

the line was silent for a moment. you waited.

“can you pick me up?”

“none of the guys can drive you home?”

“they’re all too drunk.”

“right,” you sighed. “be there soon.”

you got into your car and started driving to the Whisky A Go Go. It wasn’t very far away, but it felt like an eternity. you pulled up close by and saw izzy sitting by the payphone he had called you from, back pressed up against its stand. you sighed.

you got out of the car and walked up towards him. stopping just a bit in front of him, you said “cmon. get up.”

izzy looked up, staring at you with glassy eyes. clearly, he was too drunk and high to notice you before you started talking.

“huh?”

“i said get up. i’m taking you home.”

“oh… ok.“

that was all it took. izzy got up, albeit with difficulty, and walked over beside you to the car. he stumbled into the passenger seat and gave you a smile when you got in. despite his inebriated state, he was happy to see you. he always was.

as you drove home, he sobered up. and as he sipped on the week old bottle water that had been rattling away in the floor of the passenger seat, izzy realised what a complete dick he’d been. regret crept in quickly. he turned to look at you. through your peripheral vision, you saw him. izzy took a final sip of the water, and cleared his throat.

"hey, uh…”

you kept your eyes focused on the road. "what is it?”

"i’ve been an asshole. i’m really sorry.” izzy spoke. he actually seemed sorry this time.

all you managed to say was "oh.”

"i feel really bad. it’s just- after our argument i was pissed off. and i know i coulda handled it better. sorry.”

you looked at him quickly. he seemed genuine, regret etched on his face. "it’s ok.”

"so you forgive me?”

"i do. just don’t try that shit again.”

"wanna go get takeout?”

"are you paying?”

"of course.”

[xo-myloves]

Helloooo 🫶🫶 i'd like to request a steven adler x f!reader where you get pregnant but you don't wanna keep it, and steven does. Idk if you're into angsty things 😭😭😭 but i love a good cry lmao

A/n: of course!! I love this idea, and Steven little cute self!!

(This includes smut, dirty talk, cursing, angst, unwanted pregnancy, arguing, hair pulling, squinting, ass smacking, I think that’s it, if not tell me!! :3)

𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙵𝙻𝙸𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳

I’ve been in-love with my boyfriend Steven for a while now, we had met through izzy, I’ve been friends with izzy since grade school, then after we moved to LA, more like ran away, we also ran away with our good friend bill bailey, who is now known as “axl rose”.

They started the whole band thing, now they are huge, after their first debut album came out, if was life changing, nothing was happening at first, it took a while for the album to blow up like it did, now their rockstars.

This includes Steven, my baby, he immediately caught my eye when he joined the band, axl hated him, he was best friends with slash, izzy didn’t mind him, duff was nice to him, and i fell head over heels for this man, maybe it was the golden locks, maybe it was the way his finger would spin with the drum sticks, maybe the dreamy blue eyes,I couldn’t get enough of him.

after they got signed and the album blew up, Steven was always trying to be closer to me, he wanted me to know he wasn’t going to leave me, or cheat on with groupie, which was sweet, but I couldn’t believe him fully, he was always fucked up and shit happens…..

The guys are on tour, and Steven decided to bring me along with him, it wasn’t a problem since I was cool with everyone, well, besides axl, we were close, but the second I started dating Steven, everything changed.

He would almost look down at me, like I should be ashamed almost, which I never was, but then I started to second think everything, maybe something was happening and I didn’t know about it, or axl is just being a pain in my ass. Probably that.

It was the aftermath of the show, I was sitting in the green room, waiting for Steven, I was sitting on the couch that sat in the corner, I was in a short leather skirt, paired with a red tank top, to finished it off with fat ass combat boots, the skirt was extremely short showing off my fishnet covered legs perfectly, and I was honestly desperately waiting for Steven, I need him.

Seeing him on stage, drumming like there’s no tomorrow, the way his foot would bang against the kick drum, feeling the beat in my chest, seeing his hair fly everywhere, his hands shooting yo and spinning the sticks through his finger, remembering all the times he used them on me.

I knew after this show I was going to make it worth his while, I waited impatiently, bouncing my leg up and down, my palms rubbing along my knee caps, the finally.

My love.

My baby.

My world.

Steven walked through the door, with that goofy ass smile on his face, happier than ever to see me, he came running to the couch, I stood up, opening my arms waiting for his hug.

“Hey beautiful, I missed you.” He spoke into the crook of my neck, his hair tickling my face, as his hand made it way down my waist, one of my hands were on the back of his neck, the other in his hair.

“Hi baby, I missed you too.” I spoke out, he lifted his head, putting his hand behind my ear, to my neck, looking into my eyes deeply, pressing his forehead against mine, then I brought my lips to his, making my craving for him even stronger, I pushed his face into mine more, making this kiss even more passionate then it was supposed to be, then he stood up straighter, leaning his neck down still having his lips attached, now having both of his big hands on my waist.

Gripping slightly before pulling me closer, having his furry chest touch my own chest, feeling it on breasts since how low cut my tank top was.

His hands started exploring my body, going down to my ass, giving it a slight squeeze, letting a whimper slip from between my lips, my heat between my legs were even more wet, it practically felt like it was dripping down my leg at this point.

“Why you being so lovely, not like I’m complaining, but it something up?” Steven released from the kiss, placing his forehead on mine once again waiting for a response, bringing one of his hang from my ass to my chin, making me look up at him.

“I need you Steven, right now.” I blurted out, I didn’t even realize how quick I said it, he just gave me a cheeky grin, before I knew it he was picking me up swiftly and putting me in his lap as he sat down on the couch, my legs wrapping around his waist.

My hands went for his hair immediately, he groaned in response, I did grab a little hard, then his eye met mine once more.

“Why do you need me so badly baby? Or are you being a little whore for me?” He grinned, bringing one of his hand to my skirt, pulling it up softly, as he began to drag his finger over my clothed cunt, I was wearing his favorite red lace thongs, they actually were so pretty, and I knew he knows which one they are just by touching them.

I knew he could feel the wet spot on my panties, it was more than obvious, but he just pressed his finger tip directly on my clit, pressing the fabric towards it more. I let out a soft moan in response before speaking.

“I need you Stevie” I pouted my lip as I spoke, putting my face in his shoulder, he never really liked teasing so much, because he wanted to fuck too, no point in drawing it out.

Before I knew it he lifted me by hair making me look at him, as his fist was holding my hair harshly, then I felt his rock hard cock against my entrance, then sliding his finger into my panties, I groaned at the sensation.

“So wet already baby..you really did miss me, didn’t ya?” He spoke in a cocky tone, before massaging my clit with his finger tip, I gaped slightly, partly my lips slightly.

After rubbing my swollen numb for a few moments, he slide his slender finger into me, feeling him inside of me was already euphoric.

I was so needy for him, it was honestly depressing, but I couldn’t give two shits right now.

“All of this just from my hand?” He smiled, kissing up my neck as he added another finger into my heat, starting to pump into me, making my moans getting a bit louder.

“Steven, come on, I need all of you.” I breathed out, starting to grind against his fingers, his eyebrows rose, being surprised by my actions. But he gave in to my demand. Pulling his lace up leather pants down as quickly as he could.

He pulled out his member, stroking it a few times before rubbing his tip against my slit, making whimpers and moans slip out of my mouth, before giving me what I finally wanted, his hands made it way to my hips, making me roll of his rock hard member, groans leaving his lips, he fell further back in the couch we were on.

His right hand slide down from my hips, going to my ass, gripping it harshly before leaving a hard smack against it, making me gasp slightly, he just had a half smirk on his face, he was just enjoying the pleasure he was having.

My hands were in his shoulders for support, my body was against his for the most part, finally my adrenaline hit kicked in, I ripped my top off, leaving me in my lace bra, I just grabbed his head, stuffing him in my breast, before a I felt a bite on the top of my boob, making me gasp in pain and pleasure.

Since he decided to do this act, I pulled out of him completely, as he whimpered in the lost of me, I slammed back into him, having him moan louder than he ever has done.

“F-F-fuck baby, Jesus Christ.” He moaned, flinging his head back from my breasts, His cock deliciously hit your sweet spot with expertise, he just knows how to make you feel good,feeling the climax build up more and more on your stomach on each thrust he gives, you're almost there. It was so soon. Too soon.

His breath started to get heavier, I knew he was as close as I was. This was a different kinda on climax that was hitting my core, after a few more thrusts, lots a moans and scratch’s.

“Shit Steven, I-im go-gonna cum.” I panted out , barely holding on any longer, I felt his head go to the back of my head, making me look into his, half lidded eyes, he started nodding before speaking once again.

“Cum for me baby, just like that.” His hand that was originally on my hip, went to my clit, rubbing it back and forth, making my legs tremble, after that, it took me to my edge, I think it took Steven to his edge as well.

I squirted all over his hard warm veiny cock, rolling my eyes back, hearing the gush of liquid hitting his stomach and thighs, it dripping down mine, then after a few seconds later, a felt a stream on hot cum coated my abused walls.

Then I finally realized, Steven just came inside of me, we rarely did that, if we did, he had a condom on, he was still enjoying his high, I felt a panic take over my body, after I cooped myself back to normal, I immediately got off of him, putting my clothes back on, he was confused why I got off so quick.

“What’s wrong hun?” I heard Steven voice, in a soft warm tone, I just looked back with a haze over my eyes.

“You fucking came in me” I snapped back at him, I never wanted fucking kids, I hated them, especially a mini me? Mixed with Steven, might as well bring satan back to fucking life, and Steven can’t be a father right now, he is a addict, and I’m partly responsible for that, I was previously, and when I met him he began doing smack with me, I just never realized how back it would react on Steven.

I did it for fun, when I was out with friends, when there was a party, Steven does it to survive at this point, he can’t live without it, if he does, he will have the worst withdrawals, and he refuses to go through that.

“So what?” Steven popped his head up, speaking to me in a slight annoyance, “are you fucking kidding me?” I blurted out, what was not getting through his head.

He finally stood up, pulling his pants up, looking at me extremely confused and annoyed.

“What’s the big deal? If anything we get to have a mini you or me” he gave a goofy smile, trying to lighten the mood, I just felt anger go through my body.

“We can’t be fucking parents!? Are you shitting me? Do I really have to go into detail why we can’t?” I argued with him, getting closer to him, I could see he was getting more upset than angry, we never have talked about kids, and this was all too sudden.

“I’m sorry okay, it will be fine trust me, you won’t get pregnant.” He tried to calm me down, putting a hand on my shoulder, I just pulled away from his touch, I couldn’t be in this fucking room anymore, so I left him in his dressing room alone.

𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛

I had been freaking out for the last few days, after everything happened with me and Steven, we haven’t been talking a whole lot, he mostly been with the guys, I just stayed there like a side character, I just needed a way to get to a grocery store. I needed to make sure k wasn’t pregnant, I haven’t had any symptoms, I don’t think at least, but how would I even know, I don’t know what it’s like feeling pregnant.

I felt myself starting to panic once again, so I took the liberty to go alone to the market, I was left alone in the hotel me and Steven were staying in, he was at a show, I told him I didn’t wanna go tonight with him because I didn’t feel good, which wasn’t a 100% lie, I didn’t feel good, not one bit.

After I made my way to the store, having to walk since I didn’t have my car, I was thankful that it was right down the road, after I got the test and bought it, I just came back to the hotel, not a lot happened in the store.

I was back in the hotel room, I ripped that box open like it was a kid on Halloween with candy, I needed to know already, I went straight to the restroom, grabbing the test and pissing on the stick, it said it would take two minutes after you pee on it, to give me results, those two minutes felt like eternity.

But my worst nightmare came true when it was done. It was positive.

Holy fuck.

What do i do?

A/n: I hope I did this correctly like you wanted, I have never written on here. And this was new for me but I think I did it right sooo yay!

[cloudsthatglowinthenightsky]

heard i missed a day specifically for making terrible comics... decided no i didn't. enjoy :3

[be-good-be-safe-be-kind]

"it's the only way to heal"

op you are so right.

krista's involvement here seems to be overshadowed by the previous episode and overlooked by the end of the series where the krista in elliot's mind has some… interesting things to say (another point for another time), but it really is important. thank you for highlighting this.

the framing and lighting, as always, add so much to the series, even if it does not consciously register as doing so. earlier seasons and sessions with krista, pretty sure, had things centered or framed to include the background as focus (the curtains, the shadows of the room in elliot's 'cell,' etc.) and giving the viewers as well as the characters other things to focus on besides each other. here, with a blurry background and the characters in the 'margins,' the focus is on them; there is not really anything else to look at besides for elliot and krista.

elliot's desire to forget is understandable, and rather than tell him that, krista uses the opportunity to say that is an impossible ask. the memories will always be there, whether or not he can access them, and it sucks but it is the truth. even without the flashbacks and time skips, the pilot episode is full of allusions to elliot's background, even if things like flinching from ollie's touch or remaining at a distance from gideon initially registers as asocial and/or anxious.

"you will survive this, elliot" is a crucial conclusion. he has no reason to assume that to be true, especially after learning that he already made it this far in life with the knowledge of his abuse hidden from him. (arguably, they have been here before, at other points in the series and before we meet the characters in the pilot, but for now, we have elliot encountering this information for the first time and it fucking breaks him). to go back to working with mr. robot, to reconcile that this intrinsic part of himself is modeled after a father who he thought was nothing but a friend, is devastating.

mr. robot having this conversation with elliot at allsafe is another fantastic detail. yes, the office is their headquarters, their apartment is not exactly usable at the moment, but fucking allsafe. all safe. after a night following bits of his past around the city, seeing how his child self knew about and protected himself from the abuse, coming back to a dilapidated office that is all safe is… a lot, to say the least.

mr. robot acknowledging his own fear is another thing that gets overlooked; even to people without understanding of dissociative disorders and technical terms, mr. robot is clearly a protector, one who talks shit and gets shit done, without an ounce of doubt. to hear this guy repeatedly admit in this episode and the previous one that there are things he desperately needs to keep away from elliot, from himself, because living with it is too much, is a big deal. and to have him hand the keys back to elliot, instead of their back-and-forth like with the chess scenario, to give elliot the power and choice to ignore him in the aftermath of this, is monumental.

for all of elliot's planning and confidence in his technical abilities, for his meticulous compartmentalizing and pushing what he deems irrelevant to the side in order to get a job done, this is one thing he cannot ignore. and he still apologizes, even though there is no need to, because he perceives it that way. after years of research and work, trial and error, love and loss, he has to see everything through til the end, but he cannot.

"i wouldn't be me, and i wouldn't have you," besides for being a breakthrough, is a succinct summary of the series. elliot addresses mr. robot, yes, but in a way, he also addresses the 'friend' he has been keeping mostly in the loop since the start. "you're only in my head, we have to remember that" has not been forgotten, even as the voiceovers decreased in frequency and intensity as the series progressed. it also ties in to whiterose's plan and idea of using a machine to change reality rather than accept it; elliot learns to choose and accept his reality for what it is, as shitty as it is, rejecting the idea that a life dismissing the past is better than one including it.

whiterose would rather wipe the slate and toss it into a bin rather than accept it as a stepping stone towards her future. elliot and the rest of his system end the series with the hope of integrating their past into their future, as painful as it may be, because they understand the necessity.

Mr. Robot and Accepting Trauma Memories

In all my posts about how good Mr. Robot can be about depicting healing for those with DID, I never did highlight the last conversation Elliot has with his therapist in Season 4.

[Scene paraphrased, skipping comments about Elliot's father or the itch in the back of Elliot's head]

Upon his trauma memories returning Elliot is dissociated and barely holding it together. His therapist, who was with him for the revelation, gets him to safety (as always depicted by golden light in the show)

Krista's camera angle keeps Elliot in frame at all times while Elliot remains alone. She's reaching out and he's withdrawing. The show always uses camera angles and empty space to show isolation. All the empty space with subjects usually singled out in the 1-2 shots as a way to show their lack of connection.

Krista is on the very edge of the frame, meeting Elliot where he is. She's not trying to pull him out of his dissociation, she's just trying to reach out and offer him grounding and connection and comfort.

The thing being depicted here though is one of the most empathetic displays of trauma memories resurfacing. Elliot wants to forget again and Krista says that he never forgot.

In reality trauma memories, even the most buried ones, remain active and present within anyone suffering a dissociative disorder. The mind simply prevents access to that information as a means of self-preservation. When triggered or summoned it will activate the nervous system and create a recall response. In Elliot's case an "itch in the back of his mind"

At a cellular level, the body stores a memory of everything it has experienced. Sometimes this is evoked through touch, ranging from casual touch, to intimate touching, to massage and body-work. Sometimes a trigger can cause these body memories to break through. Sometimes the body memory just surfaces. Although there are times when a body memory coincides with an identifiable flashback, sometimes it may seem to happen ‘out of nowhere’. This can be extremely frightening and unnerving, especially if you don’t know this is what is happening. It does not mean you have ‘lost it’ or that you are crazy. Your mind is not playing a cruel trick on you, but rather is presenting you with memory or information that needs to be worked through so you can heal from the wounding you experienced. The phenomena of flashbacks and body memories can become more complex when you are not the only personality residing within your physical body— especially until you-all each have a greater sense of ‘self’ and ‘System’. If you have not yet reached a place of distinguishing between yourself and others in your System, you may have a consciousness of sensations that are the memory and/or current experience of another part. While this may seem strange or odd, it is not unheard of. Each part doing their own work, getting to know each other better, and getting strong senses of self- and System- is really what will get things to a more manageable place. - Got Parts ~ An Insiders Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder (ATW)

When it comes to handling trauma memories the option to "just forget" does not truly exist. To not think about it does not prevent the mind from reacting when the trigger is touched. The memory will summon sense memory or emotional flashback and cause symptoms.

The only path to healing is to engage with those memories and work on integrating them. No matter how hard that may seem. Because to continue pushing it away is to allow the triggers to continue activating the nervous system and let the memory literally haunt the present day.

I'm glad that Krista got to say that.

Season 4 Episode 8 is all about accepting the weight of the trauma memory.

The final moment of the episode has Mr. Robot, who was created to protect the system and is modeled to look and act like Elliot's abuser, returns to talk to Elliot about what happened. Bathed in golden light and within their base of operations "Allsafe"

Elliot flinches at the mere thought of Mr. Robot. The living memory of his father and the one who held the memories of his abuse for so long. Fearing that he has failed in his duty as Elliot's protector, Mr. Robot speaks, desperate to fix it, knowing that now the memories have resurfaced he may not be able to any longer.

"The only reason I'm here is to make sure no one ever hurts you. That was supposed to be your father's job. But he failed. He was too weak. But you? You were strong. You fought back the only way you could. You brought me here to protect you from him."

"I tried to keep you safe and only show you the memories when the two of you were friends before..." he pauses and lets the implication hang in the air, "I thought I could store the truth so you'd never have to see it or feel it. Fact is I didn't wanna see it either. I made a terrible mistake. I was afraid. Afraid of what this would do to you. To us.

"This was never my secret to keep. And you deserved better than to live in darkness for so long. I'm so sorry. I failed you, too. I understand if you can't forgive me or you decide to shut me out for good. Just as long as you know that I am not your father. I never was."

"You're nothing like him. That's why I created you. You're the father I needed. Not the father I had."

"If I could have stopped him. If I could go back in time. Change everything that happened to you and make it all go away..."

"Then I wouldn't be me." Elliot finally turns to look at Mr. Robot, "And I wouldn't have you."

Mr Robot finally protectively holds Elliot and he breaks down in sobs, unsure if he has it in him to see their hacking plan through.

In this scene Mr. Robot accepts the truth that holding those memories from Elliot caused him so much pain over the years and that it was all he knew to do as a protector but faced with the reality of him accepting the pain he understands he was wrong.

The episode also features Elliot's child alter guiding him to evidence that they did fight back against their father as a child. They locked the door to their childhood bedroom and hid the key that Edward had access to. They threw themselves out of a window to prevent him hurting either him or their sister.

They were a child and sometimes the only way to fight back is to hide or to show the abuser that you'll not accept their abuse silently.

Both Mr. Robot and Krista praise the child who received the abuse for doing all they could to fight back, even when they felt so powerless. That it was not their fault. That the abuse was something they did everything they could to try and stop.

Mr. Robot even goes in and says that he wishes he could use a time machine to undo it and Elliot, finally accepting the core themes of the show, rejects the notion outright.

"I wouldn't be me. And I wouldn't have you."

Healthy acceptance of that which is and treasuring all that has been made with his life despite the trauma.

The main villain's plan is to use what is implied to be a time machine to reject the pain of this harsh reality in search of a better one. She would see suffering and turmoil in the present to bring about a better history. She is so fixated on reclaiming the world she feels she was owed that she cannot accept the reality she finds herself in.

Elliot goes dormant after his conversation with Mr. Robot and he takes over for the big hacking plan. During the finale of the "Fsociety" portion of the plot, Elliot finally resurfaces when Whiterose promises that her plot (implied heavily to be a time machine) can bring back a loved one that was murdered earlier in the show. When confronted with the choice between pressing forward with the pain of loss or retreating into delusion and rejection of reality; Elliot chooses to resurface.

Cementing the theme and moral firmly. It is better to accept the past and integrate it into your future than to live in rejection. Even if it hurts.

It's the only way to heal.

[sarellathesphinx]

Both square enix and other players can take the idea that Cait has his own personality and sense of will separate from Reeve from my mummified hands

[bearenjoyers]

sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.

and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.

and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[galvanizedfriend]

A non-comprehensive list nobody asked for of

✨shit I found in my WIPs folder✨ (I didn't even remember some of these things)

I have not one, not two, but THREE 🎄Hallmark Xmas AUs🎄

🎅 AU #1 features Caroline getting invited to spend Christmas at a fancy English estate by her friend Enzo who recently married into the Mikaelson family (spoiler: it's not Rebekah he married). Since this would be her first Holidays without her mother and he didn't want her to spend Christmas alone, he asked her to tag along. Enzo swears the jackass she met at his wedding who said some crap about her then fiancé (whom he didn't even know!) that ended up leading to them breaking up not long after wouldn't be there. But then Klaus' flight gets canceled due to a snowstorm and he has to spend Christmas with the fam and now Caroline will have to deal. Key words: Mikaelsons galore, Christmas tree-hunting, annoying exes, a fancy Christmas ball.

🎅 AU #2 features Klaus inheriting a Christmas tree farm (!!) from his biological father. He doesn't want to accept it, since the man basically never tried to find him in life, but his lawyer (aka Elijah) convinces him that it's worth too much money for him to just relinquish the rights to the inheritance, and so Klaus decides to travel to the place to see what it's about. There he meets his dead father's lovely lawyer, who talks him into selling the property to someone interested in keeping the business open so the local community who depended heavily on it wouldn't be left with nothing. Since she is so persuasive he accepts all her terms. And in the process ends up finding out more about the dead father he never knew. Key words: Jul Land (I know), Elijah is kind of an ass but he saves face at the end, angsty in some parts, Klaus at a Christmas farm I don't know I just love the idea sue me.

🎅AU #3 was inspired by Christmas by Starlight which is one of my favorite Hallmark movies. Caroline's mom owns a staple of the neighborhood 20-years-old diner called Mystic Grill, but the entire block gets bought by a land development company hellbent on turning it into a modern shopping complex. She decides to give the Mikaelson Group a piece of her mind, but instead of finding the group's CEO, she finds the younger brother whose commitment to the family legacy is dubious to say the least. Klaus hates his work, but he does it out of spite almost. His callous disregard ends up causing them millions in damages and so Elijah decides he needs legal counsel with him at all times - enter Caroline, who's not there for a job, not interested in working for them in the least, and will accept to pose as legal counsel to keep Elijah off his back if Klaus promises to save her family's little bakery or whatever. To save his ass after yet another fuck up and make him keep his promise, she helps him throw a fundraiser to appease one of his would-be lawsuit cases. Klaus does not learn the spirit Christmas, does not start caring about the lives his predatory company ruins with its gentrification business, but he does care a lot about making this one particular girl happy. So he goes to war with Elijah. Key words: Scrooge, Caroline is literal sunshine, Klaus gets bossed around and secretly loves it.

Two different ❤️‍🔥Kleferoline AUs❤️‍🔥 lololol

💦 AU #1 features Caroline allowing herself to be impulsive and reckless for once in her life and ends up having an insane one night stand with two guys she met at a night club. One of the guys keeps trying to reach her after, but she has too much on her plate to give in, no matter how tempting it might be. Things should've ended there, but when someone shows up at her work place wanting to kill her, she realizes her one night of freedom is not going to have a lot more strings attached than she expected. They take her in for safety reasons, in order to keep her protected from the war being raged against them by their rival crime lords (Klaus' father and brothers), and well. You can guess what happens next. Key words: threesomes, thirsty thirsty thirsty, there is no rhyme or reason to this it's just thirsty.

💦 AU #2 is broody and angsty and way more complex where everyone is kind of fucked up in one way or another. Klaus and Stefan are married, but Stefan gets involved with Katherine, which leads to Caroline getting pulled into their circle and starting an affair with Klaus. Except while Katherine and Stefan fizzle out pretty fast, her thing with Klaus gets serious, and while she knows it's wrong wrong wrong to pretend to be friendly with Stefan while she screws his husband behind his back (even though she knows his marriage is far from perfect), she can't help the allure of danger. And also Klaus. Key words: everyone is fucked up, their marriage is a whole mess, lots of Mikaelsons involved, Stefan is a bit of a soft-spoken, nicely dressed jerk, they make the right choices in the end.

One 💍Arranged Marriage💍 AU

I am so mad at myself about this one right now because I was reading it thinking I had the whole thing mapped out, and it hooked me so much! And then I realized I didn't write the climax of the story. 🤡 Fuck me. Bill Forbes gets some pretty serious dirt on the Mikaelson family and threatens to expose them - unless one of them marries his daughter, which will open all kinds of doors to him and his business in the upper echelons of society. While the Forbes have made a fortune in trade, they have very little connections amongst the 1%, and what Bill really wants is to be treated like a king. Klaus gets the short straw and ends up engaged to Caroline in order to save the family (all Kol's fault). But it won't last for long, because he and Elijah have a plan to not only recover everything Bill has on Kol and their family's business, but to destroy the man in revenge. Caroline obviously has no clue, all she knows is her parents had been trying to set her up with rich heirs all her life, and a Mikaelson is kind of like hitting the jackpot. Klaus is obnoxious, infuriating, snobbish and all-around unpleasant asshole, but she's determined to at the very least try to make it work in order to please her parents. Worst comes to pass, they'll have a one-year long fake engagement and then call it quits. But in the process of pretending to be a happy couple, Caroline and Klaus end up catching feelings. The problem is that Klaus is not the only one enchanted by her, which causes even more rifts within the family. And all the while their plan to ruin her father is still on-going. Key words: jealous!Klaus, Elijah is hot for Caroline (he can't help it guys, she's awesome), Mikaelsons all over the place, DRAMA, thirsty moments.

One 👻Fake Dating, Friends-to-Lovers AU👻

Where Caroline is working hard to keep the business she inherited from her mother afloat (a tour guide agency where they offer ghost and occult tours), but it's been slow. So she signs up for a social media contest where this travel influencer will pick one place to win a prize cash plus all of the attention of her millions of followers. Except Caroline gets a little too into it and ends up doing a whole research on things that might help her gain points with this influencer based on her travel history and the stuff she chooses to showcase on her channels. So she makes up a story about how she met the love of her life in one of her tours and they now run the business together because the woman seems to have a soft spot for love stories. Except there is no love of her life, and she runs the business pretty much by herself. So with her two friends slash employees Bonnie and Enzo, they decide her best shot is to enlist the help of her foe-turned-friend who she did actually meet in one of her tours and whom she's had a secret crush on for ages but never said anything because she's pretty sure it's not requitted. A chance to fake date Caroline? Klaus doesn't even blink. And so they have to pretend to be in love not only to the influencer, but so the rest of the town will see them together and not think it's weird when/if she shows up on social media with him. But Kol always ruins everything. Key words: she catches feelings first!, or so she thinks, tropey af, Mikaelsons come in and out of this one, also Enzo.

Honestly, there's more shit here, but these are just the ones that were almost complete. When I say outlined, I mean scene by scene, with all the dialogues. Except I seem to have abandoned some of those before I actually made it to the end, and now I'm so pissed at myself. A lot of thdm were inspired by books I read or actual Hallmark movies. If posting half-written stories was a thing I'd have so much shit out there omfg. Was I high for some of these? Probably. But going back to read them they are pretty damn fun. Now if only I still knew how to whip out entire fics in a week. 🥲

That moment when you start reading something on your WIPs folder and it turns out to be very engaging and you're super interested and then you get to the end and remember that past-you didn't write the finale. I hate my life so much right now.

[sonknuxadow]

jesus christttt im not surprised at all to hear that the knuckles series focuses on wade and other human characters a lot i saw this coming a mile away with how almost all the news we were getting before the trailer came out was about the human characters/actors and not about knuckles (or sonic or tails or any other animated characters) but the fact that somebody calculated how many minutes of screentime knuckles has and it came out as LESS THAN HALF OF THE ENTIRE SERIES' RUNTIME when the series is NAMED after him is ridiculous. after this show comes out wade will likely have more screentime and overall plot relevance in the entire scu than tails does. did they actually think wade is a popular enough character for people to be down with this. what the fuck

[twpsyn-who]

Soulmates AU in which when your soulmate is in a situation that can result in their death you get to see through their eyes. Like, I don't know how to explain this- it kind of flashes between what you see and what your soulmate sees. You know those edits where there's a scene going on and there's another one faded in the background happening at the same time? Similar to that. The idea is that you get to see what your soulmate sees too, on top of what you're seeing.

Now, this AU but JeanMarco. With Marco asking the others where's Jean, just for him to start seeing a corpse right in front of his eyes not even a second after asking. Seeing through Jean's eyes as he's trying to get hold of that gear and stuff. And once Jean's safe, once it clicks that you know his best friend is his soulmate Marco can't wait for them to graduate so he can you know tell him that.

Then, you know. That happens. And Jean is so fucking confused because he keeps seeing Annie crying, looking down on him. Only when Annie starts getting off the gear, when his soulmate starts moving around trying to get away he starts panicking, starts moving around faster than before. And maybe he's too late. Or maybe he shows up in time and kills the titan. I don't know. That's not where I'm trying to get, but to the second option AKA Marco pulling an UNO reverse on Annie because he's a smart sneaky bastard like that and being like 'Hey you can't kill me, my soulmate will know it was you' which makes her stop trying to take off his gear. Reiner keeps telling her to do it, Bertholdt keeps yelling about that titan coming closer, but Annie... she has seen things, at some point. Flashes of moments that weren't hers, happening right in Trost- right in that moment. And she didn't give them too much thought until that moment, until it got confirmed that it has nothing to do with her titan powers.

'What do you mean by that?' she asks, because she needs to know more. Because she wants to know more. And Marco starts explaining how it works. Tells them that he has found his soulmate, that they will put all the blame on them for his death. Reiner doesn't believe him, keeps insisting that he's playing them around - he, and anyone born and raised on Marley, has never heard of something like that before, it doesn't exist - but Annie tells him to shut up and to let Marco go. Cue to the plot of any fic in which Marco doesn't straight up die after finding up their secret.

Anyway I don't know man, just,,, We need more soulmate aus for JeanMarco. That's an order.

[the-golden-dragoness]

Not crying and being guilt ridden again :))))))

[airbrushfather]

[quietwingsinthesky]

I think the nature of Clara haterism on Tumblr can’t be fully understood without the historical context of 2013. Namely that by the time of DW season 7b Moffat was widely hailed as The Bogeyman Of All Misogyny Ever. Clara was considered THE prototypical Shallow Moffat Girl, and she became a sort of figurehead for everything wrong with the show. (Bc everyone was maybe 14 and Smith was too beloved to insult.) Consequently, she evokes a kneejerk bad faith reading response in many users even today.

yeah, alright, i can see that. i am surprised that, at least as far as i’ve seen, amy & river don’t get the same treatment? or if they did, it hasn’t persisted half as long as opinions on clara have. Because having now seen how all three of them were written, amy got treated. so much worse with The Misogyny™️, and River bounces between ‘actually a fascinating character’ and ‘moffat wrote a sexy girlboss who wants to fuck the doctor’ so hard it gives me whiplash. (and i say this as a River enjoyer, I love her and she deserves so much better lmao.)

Of the three of them, I think Clara actually comes out a lot better written overall? She’s allowed more space to be a character rather than be a woman, if that makes sense. Sure, bit of a rocky start in s7, and I can certainly see why the Impossible Girl thing could be aggravating to some people. (I think it was. Fine. fantastic episode conceptually that sort of fell apart when it came to actually doing anything.) but Clara in s8 (and the start of s9) is fantastic. Her relationship with Danny and the Doctor is messy and deceptive and so understandable. “Listen” as an episode almost felt like ‘hey what if the clara putting herself in the doctor’s past was actually interesting and impacted him’. Her becoming more like the Doctor, especially after losing Danny, both as an effort to hold on tight to the only person she perceives as keeping her moving forward and giving her a purpose AND because to her, the Doctor is able to lose so much and not be destroyed by it and she wants that (without really understanding just how much this life is fucking him up, too.), is just. fantastic.

where was i going with this. i have no idea. my point, i think, is: i guess i can see how initial reactions to clara might color a less than flattering picture of the rest of her, but :( consider: i love her so so much and everyone should be niceys to her.

[bookish-bi-mormon]

Very dangerous listening to the always sunny podcast. Giving me ideas

[aberooski]

If I want an actual proper episode 95 aftermath and everyone being pissed at Zane for doing that to Syrus like they should've been I'm just gonna have to write it myself aren't I? 🙄