#but in my hubris i wanted to wear some knitting. i did NOT look at the presicted temperature because im a dumbass

[promithiae]

The kind of people the general public assumes would attend a fiber festival: stodgy old grannies that would clutch their pearl if you say the word darn

Actual fiber festival attendees: a bunch of subversive queers that will not hesitate to make the raunchiest joke at any given opportunity. And the ones the grannies tell are the most crude of all

[tarysande]

Follow the...

wardrobe department?

A tale of dissecting the chronology of a trailer (in which chronology is made up and the voiceover definitely matters—but doesn’t always align).

LUCIFER SEASON 5 TRAILER SPOILERS AHOY.

Me: I avoid spoilers!! Don’t spoil me!!

Also Me: Hark! Is that a trailer I see before me?? Better analyze it frame by frame!

So, the truth is, I don’t know most of the other BTS stuff and I really don’t want to. I haven't seen the episode titles. I do know Neil Gaiman’s not ... reprising his role. I’m going on ONLY what’s in the trailer, so some of this speculation may already be wrong.

First: a moment of AWWWWWWW YEAAAAAHHHHH because I’ve wanted Twin!Michael for years.

Okay. Moving on.

Trailers are not chronological. They are magic tricks, designed to manipulate their audience.

Now, chronologically, the crime scene with Ella is at (or very near) the beginning because I’m preeetty sure the victim is Mr. Said Out Bitch (RIP; obviously they did not think they were getting a S6!). It’s hard to make out exactly what Chloe is wearing. Dark jacket, dark shirt with a t-shirt-like collar.

Okay, we know this is Lucifer; we know this is what he was wearing when he went to Hell. Very, very, glowing in the black light white shirt. This could be at the beginning? We assume it is because of how it’s placed right after the goodbye from s4, anyway.

Look how haggard he looks. Like, Lucifer. You need some sleep, buddy. Those dark circles have dark circles. My heart hurts.

Okay wtf, my heart hurts here, too. We assume that Chloe’s pajama(?) stakeout and drinking/dancing and her looking up (and looking super sad on what I think is Lucifer’s balcony) are part of the “since you’ve been gone (everything sucks)” montage. 

I will say it’s very possible that “shots at the bar” happens after “crime scene with Ella.” Chloe’s wearing a black jacket and Maze’s arm is bare. Perhaps this night of drowning sorrows (again) is what leads to the conversation (the next day, I think) between Chloe and Maze (“We don’t need him”). In that scene with Maze, Chloe’s wearing a pinstripe blazer and grey t-shirt. Which is important, because that’s the outfit she’s wearing here (in what I would guess is Mr. Said Out Bitch’s home):

I know the assumption is that this is Michael. Although, I wonder how Michael knows the crime-solving Devil song, and the mannerisms (tugging on the sleeves, “Hello, bad guys” as he strolls in) are definitely Lucifer’s. As is the outfit, which is a perfect mirror of the one Lucifer wears in Hell: black suit, white shirt with texture, red pocket square. (Also, no evidence of Michael’s injury.)

Other questions: If he’s so good at playing Lucifer here, why isn’t anyone taken in by him when the grey sateen shirt (hold that thought) appears? Where has Michael been? Why is he here now?

So, I think it’s the combination of his non(?)-reaction to Chloe kissing him and the expression on his face that Michael this up, right? That it’s shown while Michael is voiceover monologuing is also an indicator (but could just as easily be a misdirect because Michael’s not speaking in the image in front of us, and it’s not like we’ve never seen Lucifer make this kind of face before).

(Incidentally, the non-reaction to the kiss could also be seen as in-character for Lucifer; he can’t be sure of his reception, which also plays well with his hello-bad-guys/cocky-to-cover-insecure entrance.)

If it is Michael in the shooting/hug scene, he may START by playing Lucifer perfectly, but that degenerates.

We know this is Michael. There’s some evidence of Michael’s injury in the unevenness of the shoulders. It is NOT a white shirt. It is a grey shirt with a bit of shine; sateen, if you will. We’re going to see a lot of this shirt.

Michael: grey sateen shirt. Also, Chloe’s wearing the white and black striped (VERY FUNNY, COSTUMING DEPT.) shirt she’s wearing when she tells Linda that Lucifer is acting different—so we assume this is the day(?) after Michael shows up. (There’s also a slight possibility that his Lucifer 2.0 bit is his introduction.)

Michael. Black wings. TINY STRIP OF GREY SHIRT at the wrist. So, we assume this happens right after the previous Chloe-with-Gun moment. Michael might want to mess with his brother, but he doesn’t want Chloe to die—there’s even some protective head cradling. So. There’s that.

Michael. Lux. Still the grey sateen shirt. Important: Amenadiel is wearing a shirt and tie. 

In the bit where he’s (presumably) talking to Lucifer in Hell (“He’s stronger than you think.”), he’s wearing the same Lux-grey-sateen-shirt-Michael suit and tie. I’m guessing Amenadiel was like “Do not pass Go, do not collect $200″ and pops down to Hell ASAP.

The “He is stronger than you think” line also makes me wonder if Lucifer hasn’t worried—or even thought—about Michael because he believed his twin was broken beyond the possibility of being a threat (presumably by Lucifer; I think there’s a Rebellion-related, bad-blood, mutually-assured-destruction story behind Michael’s injuries). That hubris/pride is pretty much what gets Lucifer into 925% of his problems, after all, so it would be in character. 

Oh, Luci. Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? Soon that attitude may be your doom. 

Michael is ALSO wearing the grey sateen shirt when Maze shows up and he admits he’s not Lucifer. A lot happens on the day of the grey sateen shirt. To me, this means everyone’s onto him right from the beginning. Also, it means the trailer is pulling pretty heavily from just this one out of the eight episodes. The first episode, unless I miss my guess.

Now, going by wardrobe, we enter a very jumbled section. We’ll call this the Dark Days of the Turtleneck.

During the Dark Days of the Turtleneck, we see Michael fight with Amenadiel in the time-stopped precinct. One assumes Michael’s not even pretending to be Lucifer anymore because ... turtleneck? Bloody hell, might as well be board shorts and Crocs. Note: Michael is NOT wearing (Lucifer’s) ring, here.

Again, the voiceover is misleading because suit-and-tie Amenadiel in Lux and Hell wouldn’t have had a chance to fight (wearing a red jacket) with Turtleneck Michael yet.

At yet another point, we see grey-knit Amenadiel fight with zip-up-halter Maze. Whatever’s going on, Amenadiel is getting around (on different days). And apparently everyone is mad at him.

Okay, so this happens after Michael’s had time to “make a mess.” Of what sort, though? I mean, the penthouse looks fine, so ... what haven’t we seen? What has happened between grey sateen shirt Michael and brown blazer turtleneck Michael? Note: Michael’s also not wearing (Lucifer’s) ring, here. I think Michael’s true lack of fashion sense is turtlenecks and roomy blazers. Yikes.

Well, we assume it’s a mess of Lucifer’s life on earth ... but is that possible? All the evidence points to pretty much everyone knowing sateen-shirt Michael isn’t Lucifer right away, so how could he have had the time or the leverage to make a mess that involves them? 

And if Michael doesn’t mean he made a mess of Lucifer’s life on earth, does he mean a more far-reaching mess? A much older mess? Something celestial? Something involving Hell? Something involving the Rebellion (have they seen each other since?)? Something involving God? Something involving whatever or whoever the REAL Big Bad of the season is (because I really doubt it’s Michael)?

How long has Michael been ... watching? stalking? Lucifer? Has he been involved in any of the other stuff that’s happened over the years? Was he the one who let Mum out of her cell?

But MOST IMPORTANT: How does he know the crime-fighting-devil song????

Well, whatever that mess is, Lucifer’s pretty pissed off about it. 

White shirt, white wings is Lucifer (he was also wearing his black jacket, but not a red pocket square. Note: he has had time to remove his jacket and put his wings away before throwing a punch!). TRAGIC turtleneck under a blazer (with different-colored trousers) and the obvious injury is Michael. But it’s not grey-turtleneck Michael—more than one turtleneck, how dare—so we’re at a different time, chronologically speaking. Could be before Michael’s precinct-fight with Amenadiel, even; we don’t know the chronology of those turtlenecks. We just know Michael, for some unknown reason, chooses them. 

Later:

Okay, I think these two scenes happen in the same episode; Chloe’s outfit is the same. And I think that episode happens a bit later in the chronology. Why?

‘Cause Chloe doesn’t have bangs, yo. And anyone who’s tried to grow out bangs can tell you IT DOESN’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT.

Head-scratching brown suit aside, that’s Lucifer and not Michael. Because this has to be after Michael has shown his true turtleneck colors. Lucifer also seems to have trimmed down his post-hell angst-beard. 

Chloe’s hand-injury is probably from that explosion. Her heart-wrenching anguish, though? I don’t know what caused it, but my hurt/comfort-loving little heart wants it now.

We have no idea what Michael’s doing at this point: we don’t see Michael with no-bangs Chloe.

Which leaves the scenes that have had Twitter freaking out for most of the day:

This might be after black-shirt-Chloe-anguish-explosion. I know it looks like bangs, but I think it could also be hair-pushed-behind ears; in the shot where you see her standing in front of the elevator, her “bangs” look long enough to be tamed into a no-bang ponytail. But then ... no hand injury. 

It could also be a dream (looking at you “Love Handles”) or a Hell-torment. 

In any case, it is 1000% Lucifer and not Michael. Every single moment of every single micro-expression is entirely That Look Lucifer Only Gives To Chloe Decker (I wrote a thread about this on Twitter today), and Michael is just NOT that good an actor.

I actually find this shot more baffling. It’s Lucifer’s shirt; it has men’s-shirt buttons. Is it a morning after? (But not the morning after the wall scene, because Lucifer was wearing a black shirt there.)

Is this a dream?? A HELL TORMENT?? Look, I just do not trust anything that looks like something the fans have wanted so badly. We were all there for elevator dream sex and Lucifer wing dream reveal. We know how these people work!

(Granted, they also sometimes give us axe scenes and beach kisses, but...)

I have about 32634 things to say about LIGHT AND DARK TWIN BROTHERS IS EVERYTHING and also FURTHER EVIDENCE OF QUESTIONABLE CREATION/PARENTING, but I’ve already been working on this for hours, and that screaming is, I think, best reserved for another post. 

In conclusion, ahh the sweet, sweet song of hyperfixation. I missed you, buddy. You and your neurotransmitters. Welcome back.

For now, I’m just gonna tricycle off to hell in anticipation of August 21st.

.

.

.

Guys, seriously, how the hell does Michael know the crime-solving-devil song???????

[kitty-bandit]

I love hearing about you delinquent au! Can’t wait to read it

How about a sneak peek, Anon? (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Lavi shoved his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. The late September days were still warm, but nights turned surprising cold. He wished he’d brought his favorite scarf as he stood next to the raffle table. Excited shouting came from the packed bleachers, and he looked up just in time to see a few players celebrating in the endzone. He sighed, sitting next to Lenalee in one of the empty folding chairs behind the table. “I should’ve listened to Yuu. This is kinda boring.”

“That’s why I bribed you with food.” Lenalee smiled and greeted another group who stopped at the table. After taking their money and handing them tickets, she turned back to Lavi. “It’s been almost two hours and I am ready to leave.”

“Where is your partner, anyway?” Lavi asked, peeking into the bucket with the ticket stubs.

“Please do not call him that,” Lenalee said, rubbing her temple under the dark purple knit hat she had worn for the night. Her hair was plaited into two pigtail that hung over each shoulder. “He went to get another roll of tickets from the supply closet. We’re almost out.”

With a chuckle, Lavi leaned back in the chair, the metal scraping against the cement sidewalk underfoot. The table was set up near the entrance, close to the ticket booth—specifically placed so no one could miss it as they entered the field. “What is the raffle even for?”

“I thought you could read?” Lenalee teased, pointing the the sign on the table. “We’re giving away a mini fridge. One of the student’s parents donated it.”  As another group of students passed the table, Lenalee smiled and waved.

Lavi’s good eye widened in surprise. “That’s actually not an awful prize.” He leaned forward peering at the sign. “Maybe I should buy a ticket…”

“Five bucks gets you one ticket, twenty gets you five,” Lenalee recited, as she had been all night.

Lavi winced at the prices. “Too rich for my blood.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Speaking of rich, I could go for some of that overpriced food you promised me.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Lenalee, grinning wide.

“And here I was hoping you’d forget.” She shook her head before something caught her eye. “You’re in luck. Link’s back.”

Lavi looked up and spotted the Lenalee’s number two, as it were. The vice president of the student council looked more the part than Lenalee did, and that was an accomplishment. Link’s blond hair was plaited tight and neat, the long braid swinging as he strode towards the table. He looked completely out of place in his dress shirt and sweater combo, especially as he passed another group of students decked out in sweatshirts and jeans. His khakis looked stiffer than his personality.

“This is the last of the tickets,” Link announced, setting the bright red roll to the side. He looked at Lavi, who had stolen his seat, disapproval in his russet eyes.

“That’s fine—there’s barely an hour left in the game and sales have slowed a bit.” Lenalee stood, straightening out her light coat and grabbing her purse from under her chair. “I’m going to take a break. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Fine,” Link replied, taking back his seat as soon as Lavi had vacated it. “Don’t linger. The table really should have two people working it at all times.”

Lena smiled as she bit back a comment. “Of course.” She grabbed Lavi by the elbow and dragged him off towards the bleachers. As soon as they were out of earshot, she sighed, the noise sounding more angry than any breath had the right to be. “He sure has some nerve saying that after he left me there for nearly thirty minutes.”

Lavi didn’t fight her pull, stumbling along next to her as they headed up the steps. “He should really see a doctor about that stick lodged up his ass.”

She managed a quick laugh, her fake smile turning into a genuine one. “If only it wasn’t permanently stuck.” She spotted Kanda and Alma at the top of the bleachers huddled close to each other. When Alma spotted them, they waved, grinning widely.

“You managed to escape!” they said, making room for Lavi and Lenalee on the bench.

“I told Link I would be gone for ten minutes, but I’ll stretch that to thirty.” Lena wrapped her arm around Alma as she sat down, sitting as close as she could to keep warm. “Lavi and I are going to the concession stand. Did you two want anything?”

“Yes. I want to leave,” Kanda grumbled, tucking his chin into the folds of his jacket.

Alma rolled their eyes. “Don’t listen to him. We’re having fun.” They rested their head against Kanda’s shoulder, pink painted lips stretching wide over their face. “Something warm would be nice. It’s colder than I thought it would be tonight.”

“I think we can manage that.” She nudged Lavi, elbowing him in the side. “Ready to get some sub-par, overpriced food?”

“Always.”

They walked back down the metal bleachers, avoiding the crowded walkway and headed to the nearby concession stand. As they stood in line, Lavi checked the menu tacked on the wall next to the small order window and balked at the prices. “Yeesh. Are you sure you can buy stuff for everyone? This is more expensive than I thought.”

She pulled her wallet from her purse and held it up as if she was brandishing a sword. “Komui gave me his credit card for tonight, so we’re living large on chili cheese fries and king sized nachos.”

Lavi grinned, rubbing his hands together as he studied the menu board again. “Now that’s what I like to hear.”

When they reached the order window, Lenalee listed off their choices—hotdogs, chili cheese fries, nachos, and a hot chocolate for each of them. By the time their order was ready, they had their arms full as they precariously balanced each item. Lavi winced as he juggled four hot chocolates in his hands.

“This is the definition of hubris, isn’t it?” he asked, carefully following Lenalee back up the bleachers. Every step was a challenge to keep the chocolate in the too-thin paper cups and off his fingers.

“Don’t talk. You’ll lose your concentration and spill,” Lenalee replied, carefully balancing all of the food in her hands. Her stacking technique was impressive, and Lavi would have congratulated her if he didn’t have to worry about spilling hot cocoa all over himself.

When Alma noticed their burdened states, they hurried down to help with the final leg of the journey. “Ah, careful!” they said, taking two of the cups from Lavi’s hands before heading back up the stairs.

“Why did we pick the highest seats on the bleachers again?” Lavi asked, setting the last two cups on the bench to help Lena distribute the food.

“Because Yuu doesn’t like people sitting behind him,” Alma reminded them, grabbing one of the hotdogs and settling in next to Kanda again.

“So, it’s my fault?” Kanda asked, frowning as he grabbed his hot chocolate from Lenalee and sipped it angrily.

“Hush and eat your nachos,” Lenalee said, pushing the flimsy paper container into his hands. Once the food had been distributed, she sat down, only to sigh again. “I forgot napkins.”

“I’ll get them,” Lavi said, setting his food down on the cool bench and heading down the bleacher stairs. He heard Lenalee’s faint call of ‘thank you’ mixed in with a sudden cheer from the crowd. He looked up at the field again, having missed whatever play had happened to cause the ruckus. He hopped down off the last couple of steps and turned to walk towards the concession stand when something under the bleachers caught his eye.

Just under the bleachers was Allen, reaching into the back pocket of someone’s pants. Lavi watched as Allen slipped their wallet out with ease, pocketing the cash inside, and then returning it as if nothing had happened. He did it again and again, systematically grabbing any wallet or purse within reach and cleaning the money from the billfolds. Lavi stared in awe, watching Allen’s swift, nimble fingers steal hundreds of dollars in cash from the unsuspecting parents watching the football game. That same feeling bubbled up in Lavi’s stomach—the one he’d felt when he’d witnessed Allen pinching those candy bars from the convenience store weeks ago. Nervousness mixed with admiration, and a healthy dose of concern. Lavi had never stolen anything in his life, but watching Allen do it almost felt as if he was an accomplice—too dumbstruck to say anything or try to stop the crime in progress.

As Allen pocketed the last of the cash, he looked up and met Lavi’s frozen gaze. He stiffened for a brief moment before that same smug smile pulled at the corners of his lips. Lavi felt his heart rattle against his chest, cheeks flushed against the cold breeze blowing against them. He didn’t know what to do, and as much as he wanted to run away and forget what he’d seen, his feet were glued to ground, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming semi.

Then, before Lavi could move or say anything, Allen approached him.

Lavi swallowed, throat tight as he watched Allen close the distance between them. He was wearing that same oversized sweatshirt Lavi had first seen him in, and a black knit stocking cap to hide his shock white hair. Lavi didn’t doubt he’d come to the game for this exact reason—to steal from the crowd. And from what Lavi had seen, it was easy pickings.

Allen stopped just in front of Lavi, looking up at the redhead with a calm smile. He reached up and pressed a finger to Lavi’s lips, his skin cold and chapped from the wind. “This is our little secret, right?”

“I, uh—” Lavi began, lips moving against Allen’s finger. With his stomach tied in knots, Lavi nodded, his heart flipping in his chest and nearly jumping right out of his mouth. “Sure.”

Allen pulled his finger back, his smile softening. He tilted his head, looking Lavi up and down, as if he was assessing something—though the redhead wasn’t sure what. “You’re Lavi, right?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He winked, brushing past Lavi and merging into a large group of students heading towards the exit. “See you later.”

As Allen disappeared into the crowd, Lavi’s heart continued to beat like a drum in his ribcage. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

What the fuck was that about?

[ansatsu-database]

Korotan C Rough Summary/Synopsis (Part 4)

June 2016? My goodness, it’s been that long!? Sigh, my work life...

Previously on Korotan C: Princess Lea of Norgo Kingdom visits Kunugigaoka for a Debate Rally, but she's decided to sneak out of her hotel and into the city. Upon saving her from an assassination attempt, Class 3-E and Asano Gakushuu are now bodyguards on a mission to escort her to safety.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Spoilers beware, and remember, this is not intended to be a full word for word translation. This is only so that you have an idea of what is happening.

I have no guarantee that these are 100% accurate

Chapter 4

Taxi would be the quickest way to reach the embassy, but should their enemies discover them, it’ll become easy to mark and ambush. Thus, Karma suggests that they use methods that include crowds of people to make things harder for them.

They’ll use public transport whenever they can, and switch the mediums of travel too. From here, they can take the bus, then switch to train at the station. Of course, some of them have to stay with the princess.

Nakamura then suggests maybe it’ll help if the princess wears a different outfit. Like, she can put on a Kunugigaoka uniform, then someone else dresses in the princess’ outfit.

That idea will put the person dressed in the princess’ outfit in danger of being assassinate though. “Well, even if I say that, you’ll still do it anyway,” Karma quickly realises.

“Same hairstyle, same colour, isn’t that just right? Exactly like the princess who’s being marked! Incidentally, you better protect me, my meat shield!!” said Nakamura.

“Hey! How many times are you going to use me as a meat shield!?” retorted Terasaka.

After Nakamura and Lea swapped their clothing, Yoshida brings the princess a knit cap for her to completely hide her blonde hair.

“Class E keeps on demonstrating an unfathomable level of prowess, whether at the Athletic Festival or the 2nd Trimester Finals, just where did your strength came from?” questioned Asano.

“Well… it was probably… the result of us fighting to the death at the precipice that was Class E…” answered Isogai.

“Isogai-kun… is getting better and better at lying…” remarked Kayano (probably)

“Well… it’s not like he can say that it was all thanks to a Mach 20 superbeing,” replied Nagisa (probably)

Unbeknownst to everyone, someone is spying on them from the shadows.

“Everyone has matured well, getting more and more reliable. Should anything happen, Sensei will be there to help, so just go along with your own daring ideas!”

Suddenly, a dog barks from behind the octopus and he screams. Karma and Asano both heard him, to the former’s exasperation.

The students travel in 2 groups, with Lea grouped together with Asano, Nakamura, Karma and Terasaka. En route to the bus station, Lea gives the ambassador a call, telling him that everything’s fine, and she’s heading now to the embassy.

When the bus arrives, Karma and Asano boarded first to make sure passengers are OK, with Nakamura and Terasaka keep up their guard from behind.

Karma sits at a window seat closest to the emergency exit, with Lea next to him, and Asano standing next to her. Nakamura and Terasaka then sit to her front and rear, completing a cross-formation that defends Lea in the center for their travel.

But during the bus journey, Karma decides to lighten things up with small talk, to Asano’s chagrin.

“Hey, don’t you forget that we are supposed to be protecting the princess! Don’t relax your guard, we’re not here for sightseeing!”

“While keeping up your guard is important, it’s still a long way to the embassy, so there’s no way to maintain such a high tension for the whole trip.”

“It’s because you carry such optimism like so many others who’ve given up on hard work that you…”

“Besides, if you want to pursue perfection in being a bodyguard, then before the princess made her suggestion, you should’ve taken the first step, so being adaptable is another essential skill to have.”

“I don’t need you to teach me how to be a bodyguard! And on the social side of things, I have plenty of experience.”

--

Lea watches with amusement at the banter between the two.

She remarks that “Karma” is an odd name, is it common in Japan? He reckons he’s the only one in Japan to have it, it’s a name that his always-travelling parents with their strange tastes came up with.

Isn’t that lonely, what with his parents not being at home? He thinks he’s actually freer this way, as long as they don’t mind his business he’s got no objections. Lea feels envious at the relationship the Akabanes have.

Karma then brings her attention to Asano’s family. Normally, if you have the school’s board chairman for a father, then you would get all sorts of special treatment, and everything is fine and dandy, but not for Asano-kun. Never mind special treatment, the way he kept working hard to stay at the top is considered “that’s how it should be”, that’s just…

[“You know nothing! Can you cease with your blabbering! Since ancient times, the only ones who become rulers are the strong. That is my father’s compass of education, and one that I believe to be correct. I never yearned for any warmth between father and son, and I have no interest in discussing such relationships with someone who likes to gossip like Akabane. So whether it’s this guy, or my father, I will rule over you all, over all of humanity. That is my calling, and I take joy in living in this calling.”]

[“Pfft,”] blurted Nakamura. [“So cool, Asano-kun! But I think that’s just a load of hubris.”]

[“There’s no helping it if it’s seen as hubris, although, I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to be undeterred by the gazes of others and stick to your beliefs. But if it were me, there’s no way I would ignore how others around me sees things, or the expectations from my parents or my citizens. I would stick with my beliefs while carrying all the pressure and responsibility, and I would hate to act like I’m losing to that pressure!”]

[“Indeed, running away is no good.”] (Don’t know who says this)

Seeing his retaliation, Lea lightly pats him on his upper arm.

[“Let’s not talk about this anymore, Gakushuu is too perfect, it’s boring.”]

[“Expectations from others is proof of your worth, and as for how this strength is to be used, it’s completely decided by me, by my freedom. I decide where my life leads to.”]

(He was so serious that Karma and Nakamura opted not to tease him here)

[“From now on, I shall etch your words into my heart.  I will believe in myself and do the things that I believe in, and I shall not falter and continue forward, no matter what those around me say. But conversely, please remain in contact with me as much as possible.”]

[“Then you had better keep up with my growth.”]

Seeing how the two have been using such tough language against one another, Karma can’t help but feel excited. [“My oh my~ Don’t you think those two suit each other a lot?”]

[“Can you not make such low-levelled jokes!?”] Asano angrily stares at Karma.

[“Aha, he’s angry now~ Asano-kun is so cute~!”] [“He does like the princess huh~!”]

Asano’s strong tone only got Karma and Nakamura more fired up.

[“When this is over, if you dare to spread this sort of rumour, I’ll use all the power in the school to massacre you!”]

[“So scary~”]

She may’ve been the butt of the joke, but Lea holds in her laughter and turns to the windows. The appearance of her excitedly gazing out at the scenery of the passing streets presents a temperament of both girlish innocence and royalty. Asano involuntarily looked at this from a side view, but when he suddenly sensed a devilish gaze coming from Karma, he hurriedly turned back towards the front.

“Hey! Can’t you all speak with some simpler English? I couldn’t hear a lick of it!” said Terasaka.

“Man, you just had to do it, breaking up this lovely atmosphere?!” retorted Nakamura, as the bus slowly approaches the train station.

--

Meanwhile, the second group had already taken another bus, arrived at the train station and got into formation. Some went to check the surroundings for any assassins that may be in hiding, while others remain nearby gathering intelligence on the situation.

In front of the station, Nagisa and Kayano are throwing out snacks to the pigeons nearby, with more and more gathering, and even landing on their heads and shoulders and pecking at the snacks in their hands. Isogai and Maehara, on guard nearby, wonder if they’re alright, but it’s part of Karma’s plan, what can they do?

The “escort” bus now arrives at the station. Maehara spotted that one of the people waiting in line to board is dressed in black and reading a newspaper. And as the passengers gradually exit the vehicle, he leaves the queue and approaches them.

Isogai can see that the man has something in his hand, probably a syringe. He calls out to Nagisa before the duo runs towards the bus.

“CLAP” With a sound from Nagisa’s hands, the pigeons all flew towards the airspace around the bus. The man in black was distracted for one moment, and when he looked back, he’s face to face with his target. Well, someone who was supposed to be his target, smiling.

“Eh??? Did you see the princess?” Seeing Nakamura’s grin, the assassin knows that he messed up, and Isogai takes this chance to bat away his syringe with a rolled-up notebook. Not giving him any leeway, from behind Nakamura, Asano sends a kick his way and knocks him out.

The assassin had two more accomplices, and after seeing his defeat, they retreated to their car. But when they opened the door, they saw that the wheels had all fallen down to the side of the road. Next thing they knew, they’re strapped to their seats with duct tape.

[“You are under arrest.”] Nearby the station was Korosensei, dressed in police uniform while chewing bubble gum and playing with the duct tape roll. Next to him is Yoshida with a wrench and Muramatsu with a carjack, snickering that the assassins were way too obvious with their black clothes, black car and bubbling bloodlust.

“Korosensei, did you come to help us?” asked Nagisa. Having heard from Karasuma and Kataoka, at first Korosensei wanted to bring the princess to a safe place at Mach speed. But since he’s not allowed to do that, he can only support the kids, ensuring that the princess makes it to the destination and that his students are safe as well.

By the way, he took the chance to clean away the pigeon feathers and droppings on Nagisa. “Wha? When did that happen!?”

As thanks, he gives the leftover snacks to a delighted Korosensei. In exchange, he gives his bubble gum to Nagisa before disappearing at Mach speed.

[sabraeal]

Some shidan and garrack ;w; discussing, drinking, just more of them and maybe have shidan ACTUALLY kiss the lady. Uhh idk if you’ve incorporated them modern au but if not canon verse is good! :)

“Higata.”

Garrack’s TA startles, and she stifles a laugh. He’s a high-strung kid, more limbs than sense at times, but a hard-worker nonetheless. He doesn’t have the natural aptitude of Ryuu, or the studious heart of Shirayuki, or even Obi’s gift of lateral thinking, but he’s the sort of kid that doesn’t give up. He’ll throw himself against a wall before he’ll walk away from it – or, she can’t help thinking a bit uncharitably, go around it.

Listen, they’ll be hand-pouring gels for month to make up the cost of the boxes he went through only to realize he was using the wrong fucking ones. For fuck’s sake, they have a chart.

Higata cranes his neck to look back at her, his chair creaking beneath him. She holds back a grimace. That thing is probably older than him. When was the last time the labs got new furniture? Before her time, probably.

“Is everything set for the conference?” she asks, leaning against his cube. For once the Eastern Wetlands Conservation Conference was withing driving distance; usually they chose much nicer places to have their February conference – like Miami, or Charlotte, or anywhere without windchill – but local politics, namely Brecker’s last appeal, had made the planners select a location according to the statement it would make.

“Ah-ah!” Higata pours himself out of the seat, all unrestrained limbs. It’s impressive he can organize them in a way that keeps him standing. “Yes, Professor. All set. And ah…” He scratches at the back of his neck thoughtfully. “I got Professor Weise’s rental through Monday. He can just drop it off at the airport before his flight.”

“Great.” Garrack taps on the corner of his cube with a grin. “Shidan will be going over his recent run of data with me this weekend, so can you schedule a lab meeting for when I get back?”

He nods, eager to please as always. She was always good at picking the obedient ones. “Sure. I’ll get it set up for Tuesday.”

He turns back to his work, and it’s testament to how inoffensive he usually is that she’s almost back to her office before she realizes the problem.

“Higata,” she says, poking her head around the corner of his cube. He nearly falls out of his chair, but she’s too focused to care. “Is there a reason you’re not setting it for Monday?”

He blinks at her owlishly. “Oh, er, I just thought you might…um…”

“We don’t have all day, Higata.”

“I thought you’d want to spend Monday with Professor Weise,” he blurts out, turning a ripe cherry-red. “If I, uh, saw my girlfriend as little as you saw the professor, I’d need a day for, um, just us…”

Garrack stares. “Shidan is my what now?”

“He isn’t –?” Higata looks as if he’d rather be anywhere else rigth now, and Garrack can’t help but find the feeling mutual. “I thought he was your boyfriend.”

A long silence stretched between them.

“Make the meeting Monday,” she says, spinning on her heel. “First thing.”

“Right. Oh, professor, by the way –”

She glances back over her shoulder.

“It’s supposed to snow tonight.” She waits for Higata to come to his point. “Will Professor Weise be all right driving in that?”

“Shidan?” She grins. “Oh, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Shidan arrived two hours late, roller-bags wheels clogged and knit-wear choked with snow. He shakes his great mop of hair, spraying water and slush all over her and her mudroom, and says, “This place is godforsaken.”

“So dramatic,” Garrack teases, enjoying his struggle with his boots. That’s a better view than she’s seen in a while. “It’s just a little snow.”

He sends her a dirty look from between his legs, still locked in a tussle with one set of water-logged bootlaces. “There’s six inches of fluff out there. I nearly died twice.”

“Twice?” She lifts her eyebrows and shrugs. “That’s hardly a blizzard at all.”

“This place has changed you.” He tosses his boots onto the plastic trays she uses for drying shoes and sets himself onto divesting himself of his layers. “And not for the better.”

“You say that like a man who doesn’t want the brandy in the liquor cabinet,” she remarks, grinning as he drops his last coat to the floor. “You know, it’s just Massachuetts, not Alaska. You don’t need three polar fleece and a parka.”

“It’s freezing out there,” he insists. “Men die in these temperatures.”

“Men can also drown in an inch of water, but they have to be stupid to do it.” She jerks her head over her shoulder. “Come on, let’s warm you up.”

“Ugh,” he groans, rubbing his hands.He pushes past her into the living room, shoulder knocking against her. “Great idea. Brandy, right?”

Garrack frowns. “You’re not even going to read into that a little?”

“I’ve known you for almost fifteen years,” he calls back, collapsing on her couch. “Given the option between sex and alcohol, I know exactly which one you’re likely to offer me.”

She does not feel disappointed. “Well,” she grumbles, “you could at least pretend to be shocked.”

It takes two glasses for Shidan to thaw enough to ask, “Do you know what talks you’re going to?”

“Ah, yes.” She’s finally settled into her chair – a circular, pillow-nest thing, precariously balanced on top of its base – and he has another thing coming if he thinks she’s moving anywhere for the next few hours, especially to find her talk notes. Her back still aches from shoveling. “I printed out the schedule and circled a bunch.”

His mouth cants, smile sly. “Is it physically possible for a human to see all of them in a weekend?”

“I did that once – once – and suddenly I’m some sort of talk-attending robot?”She’s missed this, his teasing. She forgets how human he makes her feel.

He’s looking at her from out under hooded lids, his smile curving fondly. “You’ve done it three times, and you wish. I should be glad we didn’t do robotics, otherwise you’d probably built copies of yourself so you could go to all of them.”

“If I’d gone into genetics, I probably could do the same thing.”

“See,” he laughs, pausing to take a sip of his brandy. “The world should thank turtles, really.”

“And I’m guessing that you have no plan,” she drawls, watching as he ducks his head to hide his grin. “Are you just planning on following me around like a lost duckling?”

“I’m not lost if I mean to be following you around,” he says, so easily, in the sort of way she never could manage. She’s not good at affection; not the long-lasting kind, the kind that matters. “After all, I didn’t fly this far just for turtles.”

Her hands are nerveless around her glass, numb. She s trying excruciatingly hard not to think of Higata and his stupid, stupid comments “You didn’t?”

He sends her an incredulous look over his rim. “Garrack, I could go to any number of niche conferences in an academic year. Most of them in places god hasn’t abandoned for, I don’t know, the hubris of man. Whatever it is that makes him not like Boston.”

“The Patriots,” she supplies, though she’s not sure where it came from, since her mind is certainly not working.

He shrugs. “That’s fair.”

She times it just right; he’s taking another sip when she says, “You know, my lab thinks we’re fucking.”

Shidan splutters alcohol over her reclaimed-wood coffee table. “W-what? How did that happen?”

Garrack shrugs, a thousand times more casual than she feels. “I don’t know. Higata just assumed that I’d be spending Monday all day in bed with you.”

His eyes are wide, and he is so very, very still. She’s watching him so closely that she sees him relax each of his muscles individually, as if he has to remind each one that tense is not its natural state. “Huh,” he says finally, his voice an octave higher than normal. “Strange.”

“Mm.” She’s hardly thinking when she says, “But then again, he doesn’t know that you rejected me.”

“When I –?” Shidan bolts upright on the couch, his face flushed. “W-when I did what now?”

“In undergrad,” she clarifies, her heart is certainly not beating madly in her breast. She’s a grown woman, it’s been over a decade, she doesn’t care. It’s – she’s over it now. “When we were at –”

“You were drunk!” he blurts out, his eyes so wide she can almost see the white all around. “I thought you were – you never said anything the next day!”

“You said, and I quote, don’t make this weird.” She sets down her glass so its not so obvious how her hands shake. “Why would I go and bring it up sober?”

“I thought you – you didn’t remember.” Her runs a hand through his hair, leaving sweaty runnels through the strands. “You just said, I think we should fuck. That seemed like a very drunk thing to say! A very pass-out drunk thing.”

“Shidan, I was in my twenties.” She can’t even look at him; she has to stare somewhere toward her kitchen so he’s not even in her line of sight. God, she wishes she could conveniently stop existing for the next ten minutes. “I liked you, and I was not good at emotion!”

“You’re not very good with emotion now!” he snaps, voice cracking. “Why are you – why would you bring this up?”

“I don’t know, I just – it seemed funny I guess?” she tries desperately. “I didn’t think – I thought you wouldn’t even remember, I don’t know!”

The silence that stretches between them is painful; shewants to fill it with – with something,with anything that will make him forget that she ever brought it up. Shereaches for her glass, hoping it will at least numb the agony of this moment –

Shidan sits down on the table in front of her, handsgripping his knees. He’s inescapable this close, and one look at him tells herhe knows, that he’s not letting her squirm out of this witha few drinks and some comment about her big mouth.

“Garrack,” he says, so softly. She wishes he would stopbeing so close; she wishes he would lean in closer. “Do you still like me?”

She fidgets with the pillow, staring at his knees. “We’refriends, so –”

“Garrack.” He leans forward, wrapping his hands around therim of the chair above. It shudders a little under his weight. “Do you like me?”

She can’t avoid his gaze now, so she stares him right in theeyes, trying hard not to blink. “No,” she lies.”

She’s sure that will drive him away, that he’ll put spacebetween them, but –

He grins, and leans it.

Even though her eyes are wide open, she still doesn’tbelieve it’s happening until his lips brush over hers, until she feels just thegentlest flick of his tongue over the bottom of her lip.

“Shidan,” she breathes, leaning up into him, and that’senough, it’s enough; he’s putting aknee between hers, pressing down into her –

The chair tilts with a wooden shunk, and they both tumble back, stuck inside the nest. Shidan ishalf sprawled over her, half spilled off to the side, and he stares over at herwith wide eyes. Definitely not a partof his plan.

That’s fine. She’s good at improvisation.

“Oh good,” she says, twisting so that she’s above him. “I’vealways wondered if this chair could fit two.”

[jheaton416]

Ace and Sep’s Greatest Hits

With Sad Hands and heavy hearts we bid farewell to Ace and Sep's Buffy recaps...  

"I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power. And there's no one in the world who has the power to stop me now." Just then the Hubris Police step in in the form of Rupert Giles and throw a bolt of green energy at Willow, knocking her clear across the room. "I'd like to test that theory," says Giles, all tall and authoritative. Oh, Giles! Hi! I missed you so much this season! We have so much catching up to do! Let's see. I just finished my finals, and I think I did rather well. And I met a very nice boy who just happens to live in England, so when I'm over there this summer, if you wanna hang out or something just let me know. I gotta hand this over to Ace now, but... call me!

Sep, "Two to Go"

Sep: So there I was. At Trader Joe's, and boom. No Booty to be had. And you know my dedication to all things snack.  Ace: I feel your pain. The other night I was at TJ's and they had all these different kinds of Booty from Fruit Booty to Vegetable Booty, but not the Booty that I wanted.  Sep: Yargh. That blows.  Ace: Snerk. So anyway. Ash asked me if I wanted to get one of the other varieties, but I just felt that if I couldn't have the Booty that I wanted, it was better to have no Booty at all.  Sep: Dude. That's deep. And also would have saved me much pain and humiliation in my early twenties.  

There are tiny colonies of single-celled life at the bottom of deep fissures in the sea using their cilia to tell each other, "Buffy used Spike." Can we please move on?

Sep, "Never Leave Me"  

Ecch, I hear a noise like forty cats being squeezed too hard around their middles. Turns out it's Cordelia singing "The Greatest Love of All."

- Ace, "The Puppet Show"  

i dont have time to read all theze post but did u hear what happens in the finale? every vamp and demon that buffy has ever kiled is rezrected and they all sing at spike and angles WEDDING!!!! OMG!!! laterz Sep (Go on. Ban me. I dare you.)

Sep, in the forums  

Aw, Willow is wearing shorts and showing more Willow-leg than I believe we've ever seen. What a cutie. ... Giles finally pipes up that he's sorry he missed the encounter, but he actually sounds like he's sorry these damn kids won't leave him alone so he can pour himself a nice single-malt Scotch and watch that Letty The Lusty Librarian tape he has hidden in his nightstand. ... Dracula wears a sweater vest? Well, I guess that answers the age-old question: "What does Dracula wear under his cape?" Or was that Scotsmen? Who does he think he is anyway, Chandler Bing? ... I would like to point out that Spacky is wearing more eye makeup than the entire female cast combined.

Ace, "Buffy vs. Dracula"  

Credits. Who does James Marsters have to sleep with to be billed before Michelle Trachtenberg and Emma Caulfield? Ooh! Please let it be me. C'mon, if y'all give me James I won't ask for anything else for my birthday or Christmas. What? It worked when I was ten. ... Look! Xander is using a skill! Effectively! As he's building shelves for Giles, I notice that he's attired in jeans and a plain long-sleeved shirt. It looks like after his other half fell into the Gap, he managed to climb out with a basic grasp on the matching theory.

Sep, "Out of My Mind"  

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I love the 'Bot; I really, really do. She's so cute and happy and chirpy and I just know reanimated Buffy is going to be an angst-y pained ball of angst just like she was all last season, and sometimes I wish we could just replace her with the robot permanently. Especially if she keeps making jokes about marzipan.

Ace, "Bargaining I"  

Damn, Marc Blucas makes James Marsters look like a tiny, tiny man. After last week's showcase it's sad, but also amusing, to see Spike reduced to an elfin laundry-stalker.

Sep, "Shadow"  

WARNING: Contents may have shifted during shipping. Oops, that's the wrong warning. The warning is this: This recap contains opinions.

Ace, "Tabula Rasa"  

Evil Dead eh? I'm just going to take that as a shout-out to me and my Evil Dead t-shirt that I ordered out of the Fangoria (shut up) catalog twelve years ago and have been wearing consistently ever since. David Fury must have seen me in it or something. ... Buffy notices Ben sitting somewhere else and goes over to talk to him. Oh GREAT. You know how, whenever there's an outbreak of some sort of nasty infectious disease, during the news reports they often retrace the path of the virus on a map? Well, that's what my mind is doing with Ben right about now. First I only had to live in fear during the hospital scenes. But then he leached into the hospital parking lot. And now that he's just showing up at the Bronze all willy-nilly, he could just ooze on down the road anywhere his little slime trail will take him. Curses. Greasy Intern Ben is spreading. I wonder what his vector of infection is?

Sep, "Crush"  

Tough Love - Or, "The Unedited Buffy You Never Wanted To See." Buffy routes paperwork. Buffy repairs an appliance. Buffy folds laundry. Buffy goes to a parent-teacher conference. Dawn does homework. Dawn does homework some more. Glory practices personal hygiene. The recapper props her eyelids open with spork tines. To spice things up a little, Giles goes all Ripper, Tara goes all Forrest Gump, and Willow goes all Fairuza Balk. The recapper falls asleep and drools on her cat.

Ace, "Tough Love" recaplet  

Spike stumbles, bloody, bruised, and wild-eyed, down the hall to the elevator, and if I weren't a fan of this show and were just flipping by I might think it was a clip from a Behind the Music on Billy Idol.

Sep, "Intervention"  

...Marci needs to find "the key."  ...Darcy or Shannon or whatever her name is  ...Sheila or Lisa or whoever 

Sep describing Glory before her name was revealed, "Family"  

...the guy, who I've decided to call Gee Dub McChoad for no reason whatsoever...

Sep describing Tara's brother, "Family"  

Willow screams, 'Noooooooo,' and a rippling force shoots out of her mouth and zaps Osiris, who vanishes. Oh, the heartbreak of halitosis!

Ace, "Villains"  

My roommate brought home a big pile of Marshmallow Peeps from a post-Easter sale. I took one look at them and screeched, "Peeps show!" before grabbing one, winging it into the microwave, and making "Bamp-chicka-bow-wow" noises while watching the Peep swell and undulate in the microwave. Try it. It's fun. Also, I have in my notes from the first airing of this episode, "Dawn no like monkey-brain marshmallows." I think I'll just leave that in. You'll either find it as amusing as I do or marvel at my illiteracy.

Sep, "Conversations With Dead People"  

Willow incants more at the effigy (who looks like she's ready for a doctor to check her tonsils) and then sends green energy blobs shooting out of her breasts towards Santa's Phallus. It's a lesbian thing -- you wouldn't understand.

Ace, "Grave"  

Cut to Xander chaining Spike up in the basement of Casa Summers. Dawn, Buffy, Wood, Giles, Willow, the UN Security council, three random passersby, and a small hedgehog are all in attendance. Okay, not really, but seriously. The number of people present for this is way unnecessary. Giles, Willow and Buffy will perform the spell. Xander, Dawn and Wood will distribute small snacks and throw Jujubes at Spike's head. ... Spike's mum tells him that he "needs a woman in [his] life." He replies that he does have a woman in his life. She is momentarily taken in, but then realizes that William has some really serious Oedipal issues. Victorian etiquette dictates that it would be in poor taste to mention this, so she pretends to be flattered. He promises to always look after her, but she has a coughing fit, hoping to die and escape her creepy son. Knowing that Spike's women-paragon obsession thing in which he defines himself and his moral center by the dominant female figure in his life started back when Spike was human, and has continued until the present day, really makes me realize how pathetic a creature he truly is. You'd think that after the first hundred years he might have self-actualized or something.

Sep, "Lies My Parents Told Me"  

Let me amend that. It's a long, thick, snake-like demon with a head shaped just like a penis, that squeals at Buffy and then sprays liquid out of its mouth and onto her. Just think about that for a minute.

Ace, "Doublemeat Palace"  

At the Pub the Chuckleheads are sitting around a table strewn with empty beer pitchers, randomly slapping and picking nits off of each other. One of them is trying to remove his shirt but gets his head stuck in it. I can sympathize with him. I've done that -- sober.

Sep, "Beer Bad"  

Rack is creepy. Then about ten more anvils crash into my room, followed by a minor deluge of cow pies as we launch into a trippy-druggy sequence the likes of which has not been seen since The Trip and Psych-Out.

Ace, "Wrecked"  

Willow is wearing what Ace called a poncho, but I think looks more like a tube with no armholes. If anyone remembers the commercial for the plastic device that enabled you to turn a crank and produce miles upon miles of useful and fashionable yarn tubing, well, it looks like that. Either that, or Willow took up knitting but hasn't figured out the secret to sleeves yet. Patrolling against vampires and other night-haunting demons with your arms bound to your sides by an acrylic strait-jacket doesn't seem like a wise move, but what do I know about fashion? Oh, that's right -- a lot more than Willow, obviously.

Sep, "Something Blue"  

Suddenly, my TV screen fills up with a bunch of monkeys, all dressed up in platform sandals, cunning frocks, feather boas, and mascara. They form a menacing circle around Dawn. I think they're all guy monkeys, but y'know, it's a little hard to tell with the simians.

Ace, "Potential"  

It's Cruella D'Will. Heh. That's why she flayed Warren last week. She's making a coat out of him. Man, how much cooler would this episode be if Willow pranced around singing, 'See my vest! See my vest! It was once Warren's chest!' ... This is a test of the Emergency Snorecast System. Everything operational.

Sep, "Two to Go"  

Sunny Valley, Arizona Ace, a beautiful, brainy, and brilliant recapper for TWoP, that world-famous website and recipient of three Nobel Prizes for Internet Criticism, piloted her pink bubble-shaped hovercraft to the landing strip on the roof of her lux penthouse apartment. Slim and clad entirely in her everyday garb of form-fitting leather, she headed quickly to her Operations Control room, stopping only to scratch the chin of her almost-sentient leopard, Francesca. "Follow me, little one," Ace purred to her feline companion, "for tonight we view a new Buffy!" In Operations Control, Ace flung her shapely form onto the low designer sofa and thumbed the remote to her wall-sized liquid television. As the episode progressed, Francesca began to pace the room in agitation, for she had never before seen her merry human companion in such distress. Ace's perfectly manicured nails caressed her flawless face as she murmured, "How will I recap an episode so sorely lacking in plot? An episode that consists mostly of Andrew's fantasies and stolen videotaped vignettes of the Scooby gang? Without a narrative structure to follow, at what point should I mention the disturbing basement sex of the un-reunited Xander and Anya, or the empty and unsatisfying riot occurring at Sunnydale High?" Finally, Ace knelt, and attractively wept into the silken tawny fur of Francesca, "I face my greatest challenge ever! Just as the tears of repentant Andrew closed the Seal of Danzig in the school basement forever, so do my hot tears of rage seal my unrepentant loathing of this season!" Los Angeles, CA The evil genius Jane Espenson cackled evilly as she polished her six-inch chrome stilettos and flipped her shiny titian hair. Whirling menacingly in her secret headquarters beneath Reseda, she flipped open her tiny red Mobicom and hit speed-dial. Upon hearing a voice on the other end of the line, Jane leered and snapped out, "Hello, Joss? I think we've broken Ace already. The tears are the beginning of the end. That'll teach her to complain about Andrew's poor grasp on reality!"

Ace, "Storyteller" recaplet  

The Knights are gonna get the Key, toniiiight! The Scoobies drive a big RV, toniiiight! This year, the minutes seemed like hours The arc progressed so slowly And still no end in siiiight!

Sep, "Spiral" recaplet  

Xander gets snide about what a "simple" decision this must be for Buffy and then leaps up, snarling, "You know, if there's a mass-murdering demon that you're, oh, say, boning, then it's all gray area." Hee -- go Xander! I'm not really taking sides in this argument because I think both Buffy and Xander are both right and wrong here, but I really think it needed to be said that Buffy totally put aside all her Slayer standards in order ride Spike's man-pole, and she's never really admitted that to or faced it as far as I can tell. She's mumbled about how it was bad for her, but never seemed to realize what a betrayal of her calling it was. Buffy wins The Lame Comeback Of The Century Award when her only reply is that Spike is "harmless." Harmless except for the whole part where he could and did harm you, Buffy. Nice self-preservation instincts there, honey. Let's kill Anya because she could hurt men. Let's not kill Spike because he can only hurt Buffy. Uh, where was I?

Ace, "Selfless"  

This whole Spike with Buffy thing? My fault. When Angel was on the show, I hated every second of him and his dazed "you can tell I have a soul because I look like I just walked into a tree" method of acting. (Angelus was a different story. A cooler story that didn't spend so much time whining and moping.) Then, when he left, it was like light pouring in through the heavens. I was excited. Happy. I had a new lease on life. I thought, "No matter what, Buffy's next boyfriend won't be so bad." Enter Riley. Riley with his potato nose, thinly-veiled chauvinism, and women issues. And so it was, until it came to pass that Riley endeth. And lo! Happiness reigned far and wide across the land (defined as my apartment), there was much rejoicing, and it was good. Again, I foolishly allowed myself to be confident that this had been the worst. Surely Buffy's next boyfriend...

Sep, "Two to Go"  

ASH is really giving a killer performance here. I wonder how many takes it took for him to stop laughing. His singing sounds very soulful and I'm convinced it's his own voice, just very badly synched. Maybe the sound crew had to work overtime on all the Buffy/Riley moaning and ran out of time for the important things. Bad prioritization, guys. For a whole week following this episode, my poor cat is tortured by me following her around the house and bellowing, "No ooooone knows what it's liiiiike/Toooooo be the baaaad cat/Tooooo be the saaaad cat/Behind blue eeeeeyeees." I swear, one of these days she's going to lose her patience, pack her little kitty suitcase and leave. Well, at least I don't make her watch The Others with me anymore.

Ace, "Where the Wild Things Are"  

Luke is chanting, "The Sleeper will wake and the world will bleed. Amen!" Because vampires are such religious creatures. Don't you remember that one heartwarming episode they had when they showed them all going to church? Sure, they wanted to eat the rest of the congregation, but as long as they're worshipping in Glen Oak with the Camdens I really don't have a problem with that.

Sep, "Welcome to the Hellmouth"  

D'Hoffryn introduced himself, and Aud replies, "I am Aud." Hee. That's a funny pun. You know that saying that goes, "Puns are the lowest form of humor"? That always confused me. I mean, I wondered who decided that, and what the highest form of humor was, and why the phrase always seemed to be uttered only by the very humorless, who wouldn't seem qualified to judge. Anyway, this is 2002, and the saying is obviously obsolete. It comes from an older era. An era before the fart joke. Fart jokes are quite clearly the lowest form of humor, and I suggest that we petition the correct powers that be to have the saying updated for modern times. ["The lowest, and yet consistently the most reliable. Hee. Farts." -- Sars]

Ace, "Selfless"  

Willow and Buffy walk up the steps to school, and Xander catches up with them. I'm sorry that I can't recap their conversation, but I'm sure you'll understand once I tell you about Xander's red and moldy green-gray sweater paired with brown and yellow plaid pants. As if that combination wasn't horrific enough on its own, Willow is wearing an orange and yellow striped fleece shirt. It's at times like this that I wish I were blind -- just like the wardrobe people.

Sep, "Passion"  

Ace: "I don't know why Buffy was all surprised when Spike tried to kiss her. That's what you do at the end of a date and drinking, dinner, and pool all add up to a date." Sep: "It totally was a date. My last date ended exactly the same way. Someone threw a wad of cash at someone else, the words, 'You're beneath me' were uttered, and one of us was left crying alone in an alley." Ace: "You've got to be kidding me." Sep: "Actually I am. My last date ended with me threatening my beau with a spork."

Ace and Sep, "Fool for Love"