#but in book four they remove everyone else from the equation and still expect it to work

[youaremysunshine-court]

OH.

[fandomlovingfreak]

Healing His Heart (14/?)

Young Remus Lupin/Reader

**Rating: **E for Everyone

Word Count: 1705

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Summary: (y/n) is two years younger than him, a popular Slytherin, and Regulus Black’s best friend. Yet he can’t help but be attracted to her bewitching personality and sweet smile. Unfortunately, his er–problem makes it harder to get close to others. Despite his attempts to push her away (for her own good) she seems determined to worm her way into his life.

Enjoy

Though still strained just enough to make dinner a tad uncomfortable, he and Sirius were at least able to co-exist in the same area now. It wasn't fun, not like it used to be before their argument... but neither boy could communicate an apology without feeling ridiculous, nor did either want to be the first to approach the uncomfortable situation. Even as Sirius and Remus were aware that the fight was stupid and wished they could just get over it and be normal friends again, neither could verbally admit to the other they regretted their harsh words. 

(y/n) tried to give the four of them space as they tried to readjust the boundaries of their group. She felt bad that, in some way, this fight had something to do with her disrupting the hierarchy that had existed before her relationship with Remus. In return, Remus hated that (y/n) felt she had to remove herself to appease Sirius's dramatics. Yet whenever he could steal a moment with her in the halls or library to talk, she would insist it was the best thing for the moment. 

All Remus wanted was for things to go back to how they were, so he could hang out with both his friends and his girlfriend without feeling weird about it.

Of course, she hadn't told him how she had spoken to Sirius about this already. The two of them made a deal to see if things could go back to how they were or if her addition to the group forced the friends to adjust the dynamic. She thought Sirius was ridiculous, but if he thought it would be the best way (the best was actually Sirius and Remus talking and apologizing, but Sirius wouldn't hear a word of it. Stubborn ass.), then she had to let him try at least. Even if he was driving her and Remus mad. 

Remus glances over at Sirius, who is talking to James about quidditch. They hadn't had a real conversation for at least a week now, not like he had tried anything further than a, "can you pass me my sock which somehow ended up on your side of the room," or anything resembling a conversation, but still! It was weird not to talk to Sirius how he was used to.

He had to think that this whole debacle was taking place for some reason. (y/n) was worth fighting for, well worth sticking up for and defending. She hardly needed anyone to fight for her. But, he knew he had to fix things with Sirius. In the end, it was only right that he be the one who apologized. He only hoped that Sirius would feel the same.

***

In Remus's vast experience, the best time to catch Sirius in his most sympathetic mood was right before he went to bed. He had often attempted to have conversations with Sirius outside of this "timeslot", and all had ended in accomplishing nothing. If you conversed with Sirius at breakfast, he'd glare at you and tell you it was way too early to speak to anyone, but especially it was too early to talk to him. If you tried to talk to him around midday, he hardly focused on what you've said to him. Right before bed was the sweet spot not only because Sirius was subdued enough from the day's events to actually listen without having a mood about it, but because he was the most pleasant during this time. Sirius's usually high-energy personality was calm when he was just a bit sleepy.

Remus got the nerve up to talk to his friend as they sat in their respective beds. James and Peter were fast asleep; their curtains are drawn to eliminate the soft glow of the magically lit candles Remus had charmed to finish his homework. Sirius is leaned over some textbook, the tip of his wand casting light on the pages.

"Sirius--" Remus squirms.

"Yes, Remus." Sirius doesn't look up, his long black hair curtaining his face as he continues to read.

"Can I talk to you?"

Sirius closes his book, looking over at him, "Sure."

"I-- uh I'm really sorry Sirius... for what I said about-- I didn't mean any of it, I swear."

Sirius sighs, "No. No-- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of the things I said about (y/n). I was mad, and I took it out on her."

He blinks at Sirius. Never in the seven years, he's known Sirius has he apologized so... sincerely. 

Sirius cracks a smile, "You didn't expect me to apologize did you?"

"Not so... easily... no."

Sirius snorts, shrugging his shoulders, "guess your girlfriend doesn't tell you everything."

Remus frowns, "what does that mean?"

Wordlessly, Sirius ceases the glow illuminating from his wand, "She and I already talked."

"(y/n) talked to you?"

Sirius's brow furrows, "how else do you want me to word this so you understand?"

"It's not that," his brows pull together as he squints at Sirius, "I just didn't expect her to talk to you."

Sirius shakes his head, hair covering his face before he moves it out of his eyes once again, "clearly she's more mature than both of us."

"I know that." Remus feels the awkwardness come over them again.

"So--" Sirius clears his throat, "are we good then?"

Remus worries his lip, "I would like us to be."

"Then-- We are back to that."

"I'm not sure we can just be okay though, Sirius. Something has changed in the whole dynamic of the group..."

"It hasn't. Well, it has, but... we just need to adjust the dynamic to fit (y/n) into the equation."

"And you're willing to?"

Sirius sighs, putting on a dramatic act for the moment, "I suppose. I mean she'd be around even if she wasn't your girlfriend."

He shakes his head, trying not to grin, "I really like her, y'know."

"I know that. And I'm glad you've got someone. I hate to admit my brother's best friend is anything but a pest, but you know we all adore (y/n)."

"I know." 

Everything's going to be okay.

***

"Why didn't you tell me about your chat with Sirius?" He questions her the next day.

(y/n) looks up from her textbook, "he told you about that?"

"I just can't believe that you talked to him."

She gives him an unimpressed look, "I can deal with Sirius just fine."

"I know that! I-- just didn't expect you to. You didn't have to. It was my issue to deal with."

(y/n) looks at him thoughtfully for a beat, "I know I didn't have to, but-- we're a team, no? I knew the two of you wouldn't figure it out quick enough, and I didn't want this silliness to go on. The four of you only have a few months left here and it shouldn't be spent fighting."

Remus blinks at her, "You tried to fix this for all of us?"

"Of course I did." Remus pulls her into a hug, holding her close to his chest. He can't imagine letting this girl go ever.

[lilith-lovett]

Found Families - Home is Where the Hart is - Chapter Twenty Four

I am finally back on a proper writing schedule and I am back with a new one. I have been looking forward to writing this scene since the very beginning and it is finally here. Thank you for you continued support. Safe safe x

Masterlist

Summary: A bad night to a happy day

Word Count: 5459

Warnings: Past child abuse, anxiety, self-deprecation, disordered eating, implied depression, panic attack, flashback, food mention, knife mention, nightmare, swearing, implied self harm, unintentional self harm, hospital mention  (this one is dark) (if there is anything I have missed pleased let me know)

The day had finally arrived. Logan hardly slept at all, the nerves and excitement becoming overwhelming. Patton was taking him to the local school to speak with the principal - who was apparently Elliott’s father Thomas - about the possibility of Logan enrolling in the school in the following academic year. It had been six years since Logan attended any form of educational institution, since his parents removed him from elementary school in order to implement their own curriculum and to avoid any prying question in regards to Logan’s well-being. His first two orphanages had very limited access to resources, books and textbooks with no teachers. His third orphanage had a lot more resources and regularly scheduled lesson plans, with Maggie providing him with extra textbooks, books and projects to complete in his own time so he could have something resembling an ordinary education. In that environment he had quickly surpassed the level appropriate for his age category. Upon leaving the orphanage, Maggie had provided him with a collection of textbooks to carry on using to study while waiting for the new academic year to begin. The day had finally arrived.

Logan understood Patton’s apprehension but he needed to do something and attending school would provide the stimulation he required. He agreed to Patton’s idea of visiting the school and speaking with Mr Sanders in order to create a plan for his joining after the Summer. They had discussed it several times and Patton admitted it made him more comfortable having a detailed action plan and a line of contact with Mr Sanders about his situation, which Logan accepted as reasonable.

Logan had woken up early and immediately dressed himself before heading downstairs not expecting to see anyone else awake, considering the time, but surprisingly Patton was already up and preparing breakfast. Softly singing to himself, as the sweet smell of crofters and pancakes filled the room. This was an unusual occurrence for Patton for a number of reasons; he described himself as an ‘early bird’ but he was never up this early, breakfast on school days were normally simple due to Roman and Virgil’s bad habit of sleeping in. Pancakes and more elaborate breakfasts were reserved for weekends and special occasions. Perhaps, today was a special occasion Logan simply wasn’t aware of. It didn’t take long for Patton to notice Logan, the surprise present on his face.  

“Oh, hello, kiddo, I am guessing you are up early because of school, I wish Roman and Virgil were this excited for school,” Patton chuckled as he continued on prepare breakfast but must have caught Logan’s perplexed expression. “Oh, you are probably wondering why I am up so early? I thought since today is special day for you, we would have a special breakfast,”.

Patton continued chatting to Logan as he prepared breakfast while Logan sat at the kitchen table listening, responding whenever necessary until Patton placed a stack of pancakes and a variety of toppings including Logan’s favourite crofters in the centre of the table.

“Tuck in, I am going to go wake up the rest of them,” Patton said to him before disappearing up the stairs.

Logan took a singular pancake and slathered it in a healthy helping of jam. He was eating significantly more than he had prior living at the orphanage but his appetite was still minimal at best. He pretended not to notice the concerned glances Patton gave him whenever he didn’t finish a meal. Logan was fine. He was eating. More than he ever had been in fact. There was nothing unusual about him not finishing a meal. It was just another one of his habits. Logan began eating as Roman, Virgil and Declan were herded downstairs, still dressed in their pyjamas, by Patton. Everyone settled at the table before digging into their own plates of food. Drowsy small talk was exchanged and once Logan had eaten exactly half of what was on his plate he excused himself to finish preparing for the day ahead. Once again Patton gave him a worried look before sighing and clearing his plate.

A short while later, it was time to leave. They were leaving earlier than usual to drop Declan off at Dot and Larry’s house so Patton could attend the meeting with Logan. They all got into the car, Roman once again called shotgun, bounding towards the front of the car while Patton buckled Declan into the car seat in the centre of the back seat while Virgil and Logan sat on either side. The car ride was certainly lively, with Patton and Roman singing along to the radio and Declan babbling some sort of nonsense to Virgil who responded as if he perfectly understood everything he said. The nervousness was still building within Logan’s chest so he decided to remain silent.

Fifteen minutes passed and they were pulling into the school’s car park, several other families surrounded the building awaiting the bell, indicating the beginning of the school day. It was a large building, two separate entrances. One for the middle school and one for the high school as they buildings were combined, a large playground area containing various pieces of play equipment with a number of screaming children climbing all over it. Logan flinched away from the noise, raising a hand to his ear to block out the sound, an action Patton seemed to notice.

“Hey, Logan, how about we head inside?” Patton asked placing a hand on Logan shoulders, giving it a comforting squeeze as he gestured towards the closest entrance. “Okay, kiddos, I am going now, I’ll see you two later. I love you,”.

“Love you too, padre,” Roman exclaimed quickly running off into the crowds, disappearing from sight.

“Bye, dad. Bye, L,” Virgil said walking to a quiet corner of the playground, separated from the rest of the crowds. Logan knew Virgil hated crowded places so this behaviour made sense.

“Come on Logan,” Patton said leading Logan into the school building.

The main office was located relatively close to the entrance, Patton needed to sign in and struck up a friendly conversation with the women working there. A lot of talk about their families and traditional small talk. She asked Logan a couple of questions which he answered cordially until Patton had completed filling out the form. They said their goodbyes and Patton led him through the long, winding corridors filled with empty classrooms, towards Mr Sanders office. Once they arrived, Patton knocked on the door and a voice rang out, inviting them inside.

They entered Mr Sanders office, it was highly decorated; photographs, knick-knacks and various figurines on his desk and sat behind it was Mr Sanders, a wide smile across his face when he saw them. He appeared to be off a similar age to Patton, straight dark brown hair which swooped across his forehead and dressed smartly in a navy blue casual suit and tie combination. The nervousness hadn’t stopped building and was about bursting out of him by the time Patton led him into the office. What if he failed the test? What if they didn’t want him to attend the school? What would he do then?

“Hello, Patton, Logan,” Mr Sanders said standing reaching a hand out to Patton and then out to Logan before he indicated for them to sit. “So Patton tells me that you are are wanting to enrol in the school in the new academic year? That is wonderful and we can definitely arrange that, now Patton has told me some of the situation involving your home life and lack of official schooling, I also got into contact with your former tutor Miss Blair and she tells me that you have kept up with education and surpassed the standard level for your age group?”.

“Um…yes…I have been keeping up with studying,” Logan answered things were going well so far. He hadn’t been rejected yet.

“That is very responsible of you. Well with all of this information, I would like you to take a couple of tests so we can determine what grade you would be most comfortable in, considering your age you would normally enter grade 7 but because of your prior teaching I want to give you the opportunity to potentially progress to the next grade,” Mr Sanders explained taking out a pile of papers from his desk drawer. Tests. Logan could do tests. Actually he excelled at them. Test questions had answers, answers which could be figured out with the right equations or methods. Yes, Logan could do tests. “What do you think about that?”.

“I can do that,” Logan responded instantly, excited to finally be stimulated by some challenging questions.

“I love the enthusiasm,” Mr Sander’s said with a chuckle. “I’ll allow you to do the tests in here and Patton and I will have a chat about all of the details, just come and get us once you are finished,”.

Logan nodded in response as Patton gave him a comforting squeeze and ruffled his hair before leaving with Mr Sander, leaving him alone in the office with only the small stacks of test papers. Opening the first page he began.

 “I don’t think I have ever met a child who was actually excited about taking a test before,” Thomas said as he closed the door behind him, attempting to stifle his laughter.

“That’s Logan for you,” Patton said with a chuckle. “He was super excited to come here today, he has been talking about enrolling in school for ages now but I wanted him to settle in a little before he did,”.

“That was a smart decision, has he been settling well?” Thomas inquired as Patton recalled the past few weeks. It had certainly been interesting. The highs were high; Roman’s birthday, their family movie nights, seeing Logan slowly come out of his shell. However, the lows were extremely low; the breakdowns, the constant fear of abandonment and the insecurity which couldn’t be quelled with words alone. Last nights conversation was a singular step in the seemingly never-ending staircase in the process of trying to get Logan to see his own worth, to convince him Patton wasn’t going to leave and he could finally let go of all of the pain.

“It has been hard. Really hard. I know it will be a difficult process and I know I can’t make everything better but I hate that feeling of hopelessness,” Patton admitted with a sigh. He knew from the beginning it wouldn’t be all sunshine and roses, he had been through a similar situation with Virgil and Dee but Logan is older and so too intelligent for his own good, he hid so much of how he truly felt until it exploded out of him.    

“I understand the feeling, I think we all want things to be easier but all you can do is too give it time. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. This is a new environment for Logan and for you too, it is normal for things to be a bit rocky at the beginning and it will never be all smooth-sailing but the important thing is that you are trying and constantly working to be there for Logan,” Thomas responded placing a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder. “You are doing the best you can and I’m sure Logan sees that too,”.

“Thank you, Thomas,” Patton said he knew Thomas was correct, Emile had been repeating the same information to him for years. It was difficult to see the progress they had made when they were still going through the lows but he knew it would all be worth it. They are a family now and together they would be able to handle anything, no matter how low the lows got, the highs would always be worth it.

Patton and Thomas continued talking, primarily how Logan’s enrolment into the school would work, for Patton’s own peace of mind. He had had similar discussions with Roman and Virgil’s teachers surrounding accommodations for their mental health problems and everyone he spoke too was extremely kind and willing to adapt for their benefit. So, Patton wasn’t necessarily worried in that regards but Logan was entering school far later than he should have and hadn’t been in such an environment before. He would be entering at a pivotal part of his educational career and while Logan was incredibly intelligent he lacked the social skills of children his age. What if he couldn’t handle such a drastic change in environment? It had taken him a while to adjust to moving from the orphanage to Patton’s house, what if moving to school caused a similar issue? What if he was bullied? Patton had witnessed first hand the torment Logan had to endure at the hands of the other children at the orphanage, to the extent he had gotten used to it, would the same occur in the classroom? Would Logan assume it was normal as he had likely experienced worse? Patton froze in place at the thought, his heart hurt merely thinking about. Maybe he and Logan should talk through a couple more options before making their decision?

“Patton, are you alright?” Thomas asked, waving a hand in front of Patton’s face as he snapped out of his brain funk.

“Ah, sorry, I just zoned out for a minute there,” Patton answered quickly, plastering on a smile, sensing his face glowing red with embarrassment.

“You’re worried about Logan, aren’t you?” Thomas pressed as Patton smile fell. Thomas always was super perceptive, he could never hide anything from him. “He will be fine, he will have access to all of the support we have available here and I will personally keep an eye out for him and you’ll be the first to now if anything does happen,”.

“Thank you, Thomas, I feel a lot better now,” Patton said and he meant it. Patton trusted Thomas wholeheartedly, he was aware of both Roman and Virgil’s struggles and agreed to do the same for them which definitely settled some of Patton’s anxieties. Also perhaps he was just over-thinking and Logan would thrive in the new, highly academic environment, overall helping to develop his social and personable skills. Yes Patton, think positive thoughts.

Just as Thomas was about to lead Patton to a waiting area for them to sit and continue their discussion, there was a sharp knock on the door. Before it opened revealing Logan, test papers in hand and a small smile on his face.

“I believe I have finished,” Logan said holding his papers out towards Thomas who failed to disguise his shock as he took Logan’s test papers into his hands.

“You-you’re finished…but its…” Thomas quickly glanced at his watch. “Only been fifteen minutes. Are you sure you are finished, did you check everything over?”.

“Yes, I reviewed everything thoroughly to locate any mistakes so I could remedy them, I am finished,” Logan stated once again, rather bluntly.

“Wow…That's…wow. How did you find it?” Thomas asked as he swiftly flicked through the papers, presumably to ensure Logan had indeed completed every question. Which he had.

“It was relatively simple, however, a few question did provide an enjoyable challenge,” Logan responded. Thomas’s expression shifted to one of awe. He had explained to Patton that the test was used in rare occasions, such as if a student wanted to transfer into a class of a higher difficultly level to assess if they could handle the increased difficultly. Traditionally reserved for older students but Thomas suggested for Logan to take it considering his situation and background. Patton believed that Thomas had assumed Logan would struggle or at least take longer than fifteen minutes to complete it.

“Wow…well that is really good…it’ll be about a week until I’ll be able to give you your results and then we can talk about what comes next after that. Is that alright with you Logan?” Thomas asked.

“Yes, thank you, Mr Sanders,” Logan responded with a small, careful smile.

“No problem Logan, I’m looking forward to seeing you in the new school year,” Thomas said, leading them both to the exit as they all said their goodbyes, waving to Patton and Logan as they left, entering into the now empty playground.

“Ah Logan, I am so proud of you!” Patton exclaimed throwing his arms around Logan, squeezing him close to his chest. Logan groaned but didn’t protest or attempt to move away and as Patton glanced down he noticed the tiny, precious smile on his face. Patton didn’t restrain his squeal. “Aw, you are so cute”.

“I am not” Logan grumbled shrugging out of the hug but the smile remained, making Patton smiled even larger.

“When we get home let’s have a super, super special day. We already had a special breakfast, lets have a special lunch and dinner too. Oohh and a movie night afterwards,” Patton rambled, his brain going a mile a minute with so many ideas of how to make tonight extra super special, of all of the different meals he could make, desserts to bake, fun snack ideas and a list of potential movies to watch.

“What is the special occasion?” Logan asked as he climbed into the front seat.

“This is the special occasion, silly,” Patton responded turning on the radio.

“Today wasn’t particular special,” Logan said.

“Of course it is and anyway everyday can be a special day if you want it to be, it is what you do with it that makes it special,” Patton explained as they began driving home.

“I suppose that makes sense, it is the actions which make the day and not the occasion itself,” Logan answered.

“Exactly,”.

They drove home, picking up Dee on the way. While Patton prepared their lunch and did some preparatory work for the meal he had planned for dinner and broke out his recipe books, searching for tasty desserts to make. While Logan attempted to entertain Dee. They ate lunch together, listening to Dee’s babbling nonsense as he recounted his morning with grandma and grandpa, however, he and Logan both nodded along as if he were speaking perfect English. Logan helped with the dishes and they continued preparations for dinner, they talked about the test and Logan divulged his solutions and methods for solving each question. Roman and Virgil returned home and assisted in dinner preparations creating quite the mess but Patton couldn’t be happier. He made sure to take many, many pictures for his photo-album. They each made their own pizzas, decorating them with a variety of toppings. While they were cooking in the oven, they moved onto the desserts. A lemon cheesecake and shortbread biscuits. The kitchen was enveloped with so many amazing smells. Following an incredible dinner and dessert, Roman and Virgil set into action preparing the living room for their movie night; layering blankets and pillows across the sofa, arguing over the superior snack and arguing over which Disney movie they should rewatch (they ultimately agreed on The Princess and the Frog as it was one of the few remaining Princess films Logan hadn’t seen yet). In no time at all everyone was bundled up on the sofa together, singing along with Tiana’s ‘Almost There’. Patton couldn’t imagine a more perfect end to the night, surrounded by precious children, safe and happy even including Logan who smiled contentedly at the television, tapping his fingertips against the arm of the armchair (which had seemingly now been dubbed as ‘Logan’s armchair’) along to the beat. Patton was truly the luckiest man in the world.

 ...the knife plunged into his chest…

Logan awoke with a start, scrambling for the light switch, allowing a soft light to enter the room, dispelling the darkness invading his mind, pushing it back into the shadowed corners. He curled in on himself, raising his hands to his chest, sensing the rapid beating of his heart within his ribcage as he struggled to catch his breath. Why? Why was this happening? Why now? There had been no trigger. No warning signs. He hadn’t experienced any adverse emotions today. So why? Why was he brought back to that place. Logan clawed at his neck and chest, in attempt to rid himself of the sensation of their hands, the cool edge of the blade, the stinging pain. But it remained as if the memories were branded there like a tattoo, no amount of scrubbing could ever remove. He grasped the small bear he slept with every night, sinking his nails into its soft fur to prevent him from turning them on himself, despite the near overwhelming desire for distraction from the voices echoing over and over again in his mind. He needed to calm down. He was already descending into hyperventilation and if he failed to get his breathing under control he would likely wake and alert the others, which was the last thing he wanted to occur. SO, GET IT TOGETHER, GOD DAMNIT!

Patton’s kind words entered his mind, reminding him of the breathing technique he had shown and helped him through on several occasions. Logan refused to disturb Patton at this hour over something so insignificant so decided to count through it himself. He brought his trembling hand, still clutching the toy to his chest. Moving with the expanding and deflating of his chest cavity. It took several frustrating tries of repeating the cycle before his breathing eventually began to slow, guided by Patton’s words and the pain eased. Logan prepared to attempt to lull himself back to sleep to combat the inevitable exhaustion he would feel tomorrow but just as he buried himself underneath his covers. A terror-fuelled scream forced him to his feet.

The screaming did not stop and was coming directly from Virgil and Declan’s room across the hall. What was happening? What manner of horrible thing was occurring to produce that reaction? Logan brain wouldn’t cease. Imagining scene after horrifying scene. He shook the images from his head and grabbed his glasses from his night-stand and rushed out of his room just in time to see Patton running into Virgil and Declan’s room. From his position by the door Logan could see Virgil’s trembling figure, hands desperately clawing at his skin as he screamed and cried out. Patton immediately took Virgil’s hands to prevent him from harming himself any further, attempting to talk to him as Virgil writhed in his grip.

“N-NO…NO…PLEASE…S-STOP…STOP IT…WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE!” Virgil shrieked as he struggled for every breath, his trembling body raked by tremors and seizing, fighting against Patton’s grasp but Patton held firm. Desperately trying to reach him with his soft, comforting words. “HURT ME INSTEAD…PLEASE DON’T HURT HIM…HURT ME…DON’T TOUCH HIM…W-WHERE IS HE?”.

Virgil’s screams only grew louder and more frantic in his anguish, as he begged for pain, begged for punishment, begged to take all of the hurt for himself to spare his brother. Logan’s gaze switched from Virgil to Declan who stood in his toddler bed, wailing, crying out for his brother, howling in their shared pain.

“Virgil, baby, look at me. Dee-Dee is okay, he is safe and so are you. Look at him, he is here and so are you. You aren’t there anymore,” Patton repeated softly, guiding Virgil’s head so he could see Declan, Patton then quickly stood, picking Declan up from his bed and placing him down onto Virgil’s bed before returning to holding Virgil arms and Virgil himself together as he broke down. Declan wrapped his tiny, shaking body around Virgil almost instinctively.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry…s-sorry…I-I’m bad…I’m bad…take me back…p-please…take me back,” Virgil whimpered almost inaudibly due to his gasps for air, in between pained wails. Virgil’s turmoil and breakdown was painful to watch, he couldn’t recall all the numerous times he had been in the same position, the same deafening thoughts circling like sharks in his mind awaiting the perfect moment to strike.

“No…no, you are not bad, you are perfect Virgil, okay? You are here. In your home. In your room. In your bed. I am here for you. I need you to breathe for me can you do that?” Patton asked extending a careful hand out towards Virgil’s chest and bringing Virgil’s hands which he still held in his own to his chest. “Just follow my breathing, you know what to do?”.

The breathing cycle began. Logan watched, frozen as they repeated it again and again and again. Until he was snapped out of his daze by a hand on his shoulder. He swiftly to see Roman, stony-faced and serious, very unlike the happy-go-lucky Roman from days prior, hour prior even. He had likely witnessed numerous of Virgil’s panic attacks in the past, knew his triggers and behaviours, knew his traumas and what he had been through before he was taken in by Patton.

“He had a flashback,” Roman stated with non of his usual flair or ferocity. “He used to get them all of the time, really bad ones, he would scream for hours that he was bad and that dad needed to take him back. They usually would only stop once he passed out but one time he got so sick and scared dad had to take him to the hospital, it was terrifying. At the time, I knew his mental health was bad but I had never, ever seen him like that before. It has been a while since his last one, I thought he was getting better,”.

Logan knew what a flashback was like. He had experienced them himself. Trapped in a loop of memories the past wouldn’t allow you to forget, replaying it over and over again until by some miraculous feat you broke out of it. He did not envy Roman, being forced to watch someone you care about go through something so horrible while being powerless to prevent or remedy it. It mustn’t have been easy growing up.

“I know you have nightmares too Logan,” Roman said unprompted. Logan’s body lurched, twisting rapidly toward Roman, reacting to what he had just said. “I can hear you in the middle of the night and it is obvious you aren’t sleeping,”.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Logan responded bluntly, turning away from Roman to once again face Patton and Virgil. Hoping he would drop the subject and not question him any further.

“Alright,” Roman answered and he remained true to his word, he didn’t probe any further.

Virgil’s breathing finally began to slow as did his whimpers and frantic whispering yet Patton’s comforting words and careful touch didn’t cease until Virgil’s body itself began to slow, as he quickly succumbed to exhaustion, allowing himself to slump into Patton’s open arms. Patton laid his sleeping figure down gently, covering his still trembling form with his weighted blanket before laying down next to him, running his fingers through Virgil’s hair, soothing him into what would be a hopefully dreamless slumber.

“Virg…Virge,” Declan whimpered reaching out towards Virgil.

“Come here, darling, come lie with daddy,” Patton whispered softly, urging Dee to lie down besides him. Patton held him close to his chest as they did and eventually he also drifted off to sleep along side Virgil as Patton watched over them.

Roman silently closed the door, removing any and all outside noise, allowing them all to sleep somewhat peacefully, despite the nights unpleasant events. Logan prepared to return to his room, to attempt to lull himself back to sleep. He expected Roman would do the same but instead Roman sat down on the hallway floor, back pressed against the door as if he were preparing to spend the night there.

“What are you doing Roman?” Logan asked curious to why Roman would decide to spend his night in the cold hallway rather than in the warmth of his own room.

“Just sitting here, I always do it, I’ll leave when dad does,” Roman explained. He was supporting Virgil the only way he knew how, by simply being present. It was a kind sentiment not the most practical but Logan didn’t want to argue so merely nodded and turned to return to his room.

“Night Logan,” Roman called out to him.

“Goodnight Roman,” Logan responded as he entered his room.

Logan did not sleep, given what he had seen, finding peace in sleep was impossible so he lay in bed, staring up at his imitation of the night sky. He sometimes wished he could lay underneath the real night sky, in a quiet, empty field, a cool breeze waving over him. Only himself and the stars. That would be nice.

Logan remained lost in his imagination until he caught a glimpse at his alarm clock, it had been half an hour since he entered his room and hadn’t heard Roman’s door. Was he still sitting outside of Virgil’s room? Perhaps Logan should check on him, just in case? Logan got out of his bed and left his room to see…yes…Roman, asleep, sitting on the floor. His head drooped to one side and his arms wrapped around his torso for warmth. There was a cool breeze present within the hallway, it sent a shiver through Logan’s body, he couldn’t imagine how cold Roman would be considering he was sleeping out here.

Logan went into Roman’s room picking up the soft, thick red blanket from his bed and bringing it out into the hallway, draping it over Roman’s sleeping form before returning to his own room. He sat on the edge of his bed, wide awake, he glanced upwards once again. At his stars. Despite their plastic construction, they provided him some sort of comfort. Logan didn’t understand why. It seemed he didn’t understand much of anything any more. Logan collapsed back onto this bed. He hoped Virgil was okay. Maybe, they could talk tomorrow. He wanted to support him through whatever had triggered his flashback but perhaps it was the similarities he shared with Virgil which resulted in this urge. The horrible things he screamed, Logan had often thought about himself but refused to voice, instead allowing them to infiltrate his mind and spiralling until he broke. Shattered. Unfixable. Broken. That is what he was.

Logan did not sleep that night.

Taglist: @i-do-not-dislike-fudge @poems-art-darkness-n-more @skylark-cain @amber1594 @darkrainbow333 @falseh0od @lovingcreatorstrawberry @gr3ml1n-loser @callboxkat @tacochippy @angelgrace003 @comicsimpson @themischievous-one  @cobythinks @whatschooldoesntteachyou @fandomkitty8 @coloursintheblur @read-write-inspire-repeat @clinicalawesomeness @janus-sanders-deserves-better @scared-ghosthunter @silverstarlinedart @winterrose42 @dumbgayemo @imthatgrace2 @glitchybina @quietwords-loudthoughts @vanilla-rose-swirl @laurabrand

If you have any requests or questions about the series or want to be added to the taglist please don’t hesitate to send me an ask. Thanks.

[boxed-n-bottled-arson]

Yandere Virgil Fanfic Chapter 1.

Summary: Virgil Storm was the cliche, quiet kid. The one that sat in the back of the class, never raised his hand, and whenever he spoke the whole class stared at him wide-eyed like it was some wonder of the world. So when a few kids from school end up dead, no expects him to be the culprit. {School AU}

Warnings: obsessive love, math class, plotting of murder, mentions of lunch, murder, blood and dead body mentioned briefly, regretless murder, nothing else I believe.

Ship: Onesided Moxiety?, Royality

     Virgil was in math class, but instead of staring at the whiteboard where his teacher was explaining some new formula, he was staring at Patton. Patton Heart was student body president, and in Virgil's eyes, he was the most amazing perfect person in the world. Just everything about Patton was perfect, his laugh, his smile, the funny puns he made, it was all so cute, and as much as Virgil didn't want to say it, he was in love. 

     But that's when Virgil noticed something, something that made him want to scream to the very top of his lungs. Patton and the boy next to him were passing notes back and forth. And was Patton BLUSHING AND GIGGLING!?! Virgil didn't know why but this small thing shook him to his core or why it sent questions spiraling through his head, what if Patton doesn't like him? What if Patton didn't even know him? What if… What if… A very stern voice cut him out of his thoughts. "Mr.Heart, Mr.Prince  would like to explain what you’re doing?" The teacher asked, glaring at the direction of Patton and the boy he was passing notes with. "Oh sorry sir, Roman was answering a question of mine," Patton answered back. So the boy that was potentially flirting with Patton is named Roman? Virgil thought to himself. This will need to be investigated.

     Over the next week or so Virgil went full stalker mode, figuring out as much info as he could about this 'Roman' kid. He had learned a few crucial things, one Roman was lead in the upcoming play, two Roman had rehearsal every Wednesday and Thursday after school, three Roman was openly gay, four Patton and Roman are childhood friends who have known each other most of their lives, and most importantly five Roman must definitely has a crush on Patton. And that last one just wouldn't do in Virgil's books.

     Virgil didn't know what it was, but Patton made him so happy. Virgil's life always felt so sad, cold and empty, but Patton was like a light. He made Virgil smile and blush and laugh, and it felt amazing. Virgil wanted that happy feeling always he loved that feeling just as much as he loved Patton. So the idea that someone wanted to take that from him, it shook him to his core, and Virgil was willing to admit he was gonna do anything to keep Patton to himself. 

    Virgil had come up with a plan if he wanted to find a way to remove Roman from the equation. It was a simple one, but from what he gathered, it should work out perfectly. So during one math class (sadly the only class he had with Roman), he walked up to Roman to ask for some help on the sheet they were given. Virgil didn’t actually need the help, but this was step one of his plan, and from what he learned from their study session turned chat, step two was falling perfectly into place. 

     A small bell broke the semi-silence of the math class. Virgil was gathering his stuff when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Turning around, Virgil met the eyes of none other than Roman Prince. “So I was wondering since you always eat alone at lunch if you would prefer to go eat with me, Patton and Logan?” Roman asked, his tone bubbly. “Ya, that sounds...really nice,” Virgil said, the smallest smile dressing his face. Roman lite up, “perfect we’ll see you then!” And as Roman walked away, Virgil smirked to himself step two complete. 

     The lunch was nice (mostly cause Virgil got to sit and talk to Patton), but Virgil could barely stand the parts where Roman decided to flirt with Patton (it took a lot of power for Virgil to not just go up and choke Roman out). This mission though was not just so he (or Roman) could make heart eyes at Patton, no Virgil came to get some intel on an upcoming event. “Hey Roman,” Virgil asked, Roman, piped up. “I was wondering when your first dress rehearsal was?” a large grin washed over Roman’s face. “Oh well it’s this Wednesday, and you guys can come  watch if you want, I’d just have to get you guys a pass.” “Sorry Ro, but me and Lo have a meeting after school that day,” Patton responded, adding an apologetic look. “Plus you know you have to tell Lo ten days in advance if you want him to go to anything,” he added. Roman groaned “come on I told you two days in advance this time.” Logan glared at him “and I'm part of the debate team, math counts, student body, tech club, and book club your point?” Agin, Roman groaned “How many things can one nerd do?” “I can go,” Virgil said, making sure to not interrupt their conversation. Roman practically shoot out of his seat, “really? That’s it, Virgil you are now officially my favorite!” Roman declared, before grabbing the notebook Logan had next to his lunch and tearing a piece from it. “Really Roman? That notebook contains all my notes, wouldn’t it be a better idea to get paper from a different source?” Logan said with a slight scowl. “Oh be quiet, nerd I'm just writing up a pass real quick,” Roman said, ignoring the small growl from Logan. “Patton, love, do you happen to have a pencil with you?” Roman asked leaning slightly towards Patton who was sitting next to him. Virgil could barely contain his hiss, it was comments like that, that made Virgil not even think twice about his malicious idea to get rid of Roman. 

     After receiving his pass all Virgil had to do was wait for Wednesday to come. But the days felt like they went on forever, and everything that Roman said to Patton somehow was flirty, and the worst part is that most of the time Patton would blush or flirt back. It was driving Virgil insane. But eventually, Wednesday did arrive, and the final bell of the day rang. As quickly as he could Virgil packed all his stuff into his bag and practically ran out the door. From there he power-walked down the halls till he made it to the auditorium.  After quickly showing the guy at the front door his pass, Virgil made his way into the auditorium and into the front row of seats. Virgil sighed in relief when he realized the play hadn’t started yet, because, for step 3 of his plan, he needed to know when a certain event took place, so he decided he would time the entire thing with a stopwatch.

      When the play actually started Virgil was rather bored. The entire thing was a cliche love story with semi annoying songs and a plot that consisted of a prince and a peasant girl who fell in love, then ran away together. Not Virgil’s type of play. But Virgil wasn’t here to watch some mediocre musical, he was here to wait for one moment so that he could end the play known as Roman’s life.

      Virgil was halfway through the play, trying not to doze off when a song broke him out of his sleepy state. The real thing that surprised him though was that it was only Roman on stage. It was almost too perfect. He waited for the exact moment Roman stood center stage, and to his delight right at the end of the song it came. Right for his last note of the song, Roman stood center stage and held the note till the song came to an end, that was Virgil’s moment to strike. Virgil glanced down at his stopwatch, which he had just clicked off. In bright green letters, it read 37:21:06.876. This number was the only reason Virgil came to the rehearsal, though the next one he attends will have a very different purpose.

     It was next Wednesday, Virgil knew he could have struck on Thursday but he decided to lay low for a bit. This rehearsal was gonna be hard to get into (mostly because kids weren't allowed to visit past the first dress rehearsal), so Virgil had come prepared, he was dressed in all black, he also had his stopwatch to time the beginning so he knew when his cue was, a pair of sharp scissors, and of course, he had his plan which had been perfected to the tea. 

     It was 2 minutes to the final bell when Virgil asked to be excused to the bathroom. His teacher allowed him and told him to take his stuff so that he could be dismissed from there. Virgil gathered his stuff and made his way to the bathrooms a few doors down from the auditorium. From here it was time for his plan to commence. First, Virgil had to wait. He knew almost everyone went on stage about ten minutes into the show, making it prime time to sneak through the backdoors. So Virgil waited, stopwatch in hand, for this scene. Once the stopwatch flashed ten, he abandoned all his stuff (except his scissors and stopwatch) in the stall and made his way over to the back backdoors of the auditorium. From here he simply opened one of the doors (they had to be opened for safety reasons) and slipped in as quietly as possible. Yes, most of the people were on stage, but not all of them. A few actors were still backstage along with most of the stagehands. Virgil took a shaky breath, he couldn’t be caught. Specifically, he couldn’t be caught by Roman, who unfortunately was one of the few actors not on stage. A few nervous thoughts pulsed through his head, what do I say if  I am caught? Oh, it’s just a stagehand being all shifty near the most shadowy part of backstage with just a pair of scissors and a stopwatch in his pocket, not a big deal. Virgil shook his head as quietly as possible, this scene didn’t last forever and it would be fifty times as difficult once everyone was waiting backstage again, so Virgil had to make his move now. As silent as humanly possible, Virgil made his way along the back wall, ducking behind props and moving around set-pieces till he was all the way to the wall next to the left side of the stage.  Virgil took a moment to listen to the song being sung on stage, they were on some of the last lines, meaning Virgil had no chance of being able to take a break even if the next part of the scariest and most noisy. Gulping back his fear, he moved from the wall to the actual side of the stage and grabbed hold of the stage support that made up the corner of the stage. “Am I actually doing this?” he asked himself for a second, this was the last point where he could turn back. He reminded himself why he was here, for Patton he told himself. “For Patton,” he said to himself, in a voice so quiet it was barely a whisper. 

     Tightening his grip on the stage support beam, he pulled himself up and started climbing towards the rafters. This was definitely the most terrifying experience in his whole life. He was climbing a rickety, most likely rusting, support beam for the stage and from there he was climbing onto the rafters. And if he got caught, oh god, Virgil didn’t want to think about what would happen if he got caught, nor what would happen if he fell.

Virgil finally pulled himself onto the rafters, just as Roman’s first scene started. Virgil gave himself a second to breathe before carefully pulling his stopwatch out of his pocket. 14:35:12.309. Great, he thought to himself, I'm going to have to sit in the rafters right above the stage light, for 23 minutes. Virgil let out a shaky sigh. The only thing keeping him going right now was the thought of Patton, and Roman no longer flirting or making Patton blush. And before he could stop himself, he was in a daydream.

  Virgil was pulled from his daydream by the sound of a background track starting to play, and Roman’s voice joining. It is the only time Virgil would ever be thankful for Roman’s obnoxiously loud voice. Virgil stared down at the stage below him, watching as Roman paced from one side to the other, singing a song about not knowing if the girl loved him back. It was so cliche and cheesy, Virgil could almost taste it. Virgil's glance than passed back to his stopwatch, it’s bright green numbers reading 35:33;51.098. Carefully pulling the scissors from his back pocket, he stared at the wires of the large stage light hanging from the rafters. This was his plan, to simply cut the wires of the main spotlight and let it fall right onto Roman. It was clever and by god was it evil. Virgil smirked than began slowly running one of the blades scissors against the wires (This was to make the wires looked frayed and that someone didn’t just cut them). 

       With the wires weakened enough to where he could cut them apart with a single snip, Virgil watched as Roman carried out the rest of the song. Roman stood center stage holding his last note, as Virgil carefully cut the last of the wires, sending the stage light crashing onto Roman. There was barely enough time for anyone to scream a warning, and no time at all for Roman to realize what was happening. The stage light hit exactly where Virgil wanted it to, right on top of Roman’s head, this, of course, meant there was no change for Roman to be alive. The whole auditorium had dissolved into chaos. Some people were screaming, some crying, some desperately trying to move the stage light off Roman’s corpse with no success. Virgil couldn’t get a view Roman corpse, but from the little of what he saw, there was lots of broken glass and blood. Virgil waited for a moment making sure everyone was on stage looking at the dead actor before he made his escape.

     Climbing down the support beam it dawned on Virgil what he felt. Well, more of a lack of what he felt. There was no feeling of regret or even a small amount of grief for the loss (well murder) of Roman. Yes, he wasn’t close to Roman, as every step towards friendship was a secret ploy that led to Roman’s death. But, there was no feeling of what he had just done was wrong, just a small feeling of relief. It almost comforted Virgil, knowing that Roman had no way to intervene with his future with Patton. Virgil thought that he might have even felt a bit happy. The idea of him and Patton together, and Roman having no way to stop it brought a bit of hope to his mind.

And Virgil swore he might have even smiled.

[beardycarrot]

Alright! Now that I’ve finished Aliens Ate My Homework (kids’ books really are just a couple hour read for an adult, huh?), I have in mind some things that I think are important for the movie adaptation to stick to.

The look of the characters should be the easiest thing to nail... their outfits probably won’t match what’s described in the book (movies always feel the need to change that in some capacity), but I don’t really care about that. What I’m more interested in is how they portray the less humanoid characters. Pong, Grakker, and Snout can all be played by actors in costumes, but Tar Gibbons is described as having a lemon-shaped body with four legs, a long neck, and a turtle-like head with bulging bug eyes; that’s gonna be a fully CG character.

The other is Phil, a potted plant. Basically a big stalk covered in leaves and vines, with a flower where a head would be, who moves around with thrusters on his pot. He has a symbiotic relationship with creature called Plink, described as kind of a blue cat-monkey. I really like how this illustration portrays it; even if it looks more like some kind of cartoonie bug, I would be perfectly happy if this is the design the movie goes for. These two are also going to be fully CG, so unless they base it entirely on the description provided for Plink, base its design on an illustration from another artist, or just do their own thing with it, I can’t imagine them finding a way to mess these designs up... but who knows.

BKR, the evil alien, should be interesting. He’s described as having blue skin, pale orange spikes covering his head (I was picturing maybe a dozen four-inch-long spikes, but the spike density could also be interpreted as covering his head like hair), and... otherwise, looking like Shirley Temple? That’s gonna be interesting, but this is also the character I expect them to take the most liberties with. I can’t say why... maybe just from experience with this kind of adaptation.

There are a few major plot points that I think they have to adhere to. First, that the good aliens’ ship is malfunctioning (the illustrations portray the ship as a traditional flying saucer, but I don’t think the design matters much) and they’re stuck shrunken to two inches tall until the end. That’s... basically the only reason for Rod, the protagonist, to be involved. The aliens need to repair their ship, so Rod has to carry them around to investigate BKR.

Secondly, they need to eat his homework. It doesn’t have to be the papier mache volcano and math assignment portrayed in the book, but, I mean, it IS the title of the movie.

Grakker and Snout have an unspecified relationship... Snout is very, VERY clearly based on Spock from Star Trek (in fact, I think the third book in this series is called The Search for Snout, a play on the third Star Trek movie, The Search for Spock), so it might just be a close friendship, but they share a room on the ship while everyone else has their own, so who knows. At one point it’s mentioned that they’re “bonded”. Potentially Gayliens. I don’t remember what their relationship is like in later books.

Next, Rod is incapable of lying. There definitely won’t be a flashback to the traumatizing-to-a-toddler reason for it, but that’s Rod’s defining characteristic: he doesn’t, and can’t, tell lies. Who knows whether that will be included.

Finally, Rod’s dad having been missing for quite a while isn’t a huge part of the story, but it does play an important role. Him lying to Rod’s mom strengthened Rod’s inability to lie (you’re not told what the lie was, but it’s implied that this was the night he left), and towards the end of the story BKR claims to know where he went, and implies that he’s no longer on Earth. I don’t remember if this is a plot point in future books, but Bruce Coville did something pretty similar in My Teacher Flunked The Planet, so it could be. This is the kind of thing that adaptations will just arbitrarily change, though, so who knows.

So! With all that out of the way, it’s time to watch the movie!

...Okay, first thing’s first, the opening credits of the movie are set to shots of a model solar system, so I’m assuming that’s the replacement for the volcano. I’ll allow it. Also, William Shatner is in this movie? What? As who?? The only adult male character in the story is an android of a man in his thirties, and he’s only there for what would amount to two minutes of screen time at the end. Rod’s grandfather is mentioned, but only once, in the context of “this is my grandfather’s farmland”.

Alright, definitely a modern setting. I guess the model isn’t for a science fair, instead being something Rod’s filming on his smartphone with his mom, twin siblings, and... his dad. Now, this looked like is was going to be an adaptation fail, but it turns out this was a flashback to the night he went missing. Clever!

Less clever is this abysmal color grading meant to represent a dark and stormy night, and the fact that they live in a cul-de-sac instead of being out in the middle of some farmland... but that’s not that significant of a change.

For some reason the story now takes place in the winter instead of mid-May, making me wonder where BKR (in the guise of Billy Becker) is getting the bugs to smash against Rod’s head. More importantly, as revealed at the end of the book, most intelligent life in the universe is about three feet tall, which is why BKR is pretending to be a kid while hiding on Earth. Instead of being a foot shorter than Rod, however, he’s now taller. Weird. Rod also now has his cousin Elspeth staying with his family for winter break, for... literally no reason that I can think of. Elspeth is a character from the second book in the series, but she wasn’t even mentioned in the first.

Grakker isn’t quite book-accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either... except for the color of his skin. He’s supposed to be green. What the hell. They whitewashed an alien. On the upside, the dialog in this scene is all pretty book-accurate. Unfortunately, they lose a lot of points with Madame Pong, who is supposed to be a very calm, understanding, zen character... but comes across as a little condescending. Also, this:

What? What?? Why did they keep this book dialog, when the house is VERY CLEARLY part of some kind of housing development area? I legitimately have no idea what they were thinking.

I also have no idea what’s going on here. Elspeth is... I guess looking through family photos on a computer? Ignore the subtitles, that’s from a weather report on tv. What I’m curious about is what exactly is going on in the photo. That’s clearly Rod’s dad, from three years ago... but recent pictures of the twins? Did Rod’s mom, who apparently runs a pet photography business, Photoshop a family ski trip that never happened? Is that what’s being implied here??

We’re then introduced to the rest of the aliens, and... wow, I can’t describe my disappointment. Remember how I said Tar Gibbons and Phil would be fully CG characters? Yeah, that, uhh... that didn’t happen. I was hoping they would do as much of this movie with practical effects as possible, but I meant that in the “get good SFX people” way, not the “do everything as cheaply as possible” way. They’re literally both just guys in suits.

Yeah sure eye stalks and a thick neck are absolutely the same thing as bulging eyes and a long neck. More importantly, look at that clearly human body with extra legs just kinda hanging off the hips. Phil is just as bad. You can’t really tell from still frames, but yeah, he has two vines with leaves coming off of his human-body-proportioned stalk at shoulder level and moves like a guy in a suit... and for some reason, his flower is split into halves so that it can be puppeteered to move like a mouth. Despite the fact that in the book his flower doesn’t even play a part in communication. They could’ve easily just installed a light inside the flower and explained that he communicates through pod burps, and would’ve been perfectly book-accurate. Why make this specific change. Also, if you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering where Snout is. Yeah, uh. Me too.

Anyway, they appear to have combined the characters of BKR and Arnie into one person to simplify things (but then why introduce Elspeth??), and for no readily apparent reason, changed BKR, which is pronounced how you would expect, into B’KR, pronounced... b’car. For no reason.

Good GOD is this movie cheap. I appreciate the set they created for the top of Rod’s desk, with the giant pencil and such, and obviously they’re going to use a green screen for scenes like this... but it looks SO bad in motion. Like, see how the shot ends at his knees? That’s because he’s very obviously running in place, in front of a green screen. Also, why are sixth graders learning about the Drake Equation, which concerns the statistics relevant to intelligent alien life in the universe, in math class? I guess it’s technically a math topic, but not the kind of thing you’d learn in pre-algebra...and for comparison, Rod’s math homework consisted of single-digit multiplication tables, the kind of thing you do in like, second grade.

I’m also not fond of the degree to which Grakker is a comic relief character. Like... throughout the book, he’s completely strict and serious, and most of the comedy comes from Phil, Gibbons, and Rod. The first time you see genuine emotion from him is when Rod accidentally injures Snout, causing Grakker to hold him tenderly and shed a tear (again, potential Gayliens).

This is supposed to be the inside of a thick black canvas backpack. Am I crazy? Did I not see the Universal Studios logo at the start of this movie? Why does it look like the cheapest of cheap made-for-tv movies? Anyway. They appear to have given Snout’s ability to slow time to Madame Pong, which is worrying. Did they just... remove Snout, one of most important characters in the entire book series? To what end? To fit in all the stupid pointless Elspeth stuff? If they were hoping to make sequels to this movie, well... bad news, because again, the third book in the series is called The Search for Snout. Okay, I gotta know, is he actually cut from the movie or just a surprise reveal for later?

Alright, I am now officially dragging this movie. Also, I guess we now know where William Shatner fits in... I hadn’t even noticed it was him. Also Also, is that furry pink lump with one eye supposed to be Plink? Why all the arbitrary changes? Did they just decide that since they couldn’t fit a person inside of it, they would give it no limbs at all? Why is it pink??

Eyyy. Roll credits! Yeah, I wish... I’m only halfway through this thing.

They made Rod’s best friend Mickey Asian, which is fine, he’s a very minor character and never really described in the book... but unfortunately, they also decided to make him Data from The Goonies. He’s an inventor. Because he’s Asian. Coooool character, movie. So far it’s lead to an unfunny Coke and Mentos gag and an unfunny Pop Rocks and soda gag (which resulted in projectile vomiting). They cut Snout out of the movie to make room for this stuff, mind you. I’m sure this is building up to some kind of payoff, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to enjoy it.

Speaking of payoffs, there seems to be an implication that there’s some kind of paranormal activity at Seldom Seen, the hidden field on Rod’s grandfather’s property, and at Rod’s school. I can understand the field, in this version Rod’s dad definitely seems to be involved with aliens in some capacity, and that’s probably where he was keeping a ship or something... but the school is kinda inexplicable. Like, it’s covered in snow... and it’s the only place in town that’s seeing snow. I can only assume it’s BKR’s... sorry, B’KR’s doing, but I’m not sure why. Did they decide that being blue means he’s from a cold planet, and requires it to be cold wherever he is?

No idea what’s up with some of these changes. Instead of BKR’s house being like an unlived-in model home, it’s... a complete sty. The exact opposite of the book. Why. Also, that coffee table is completely covered in video game consoles... GameCube, Dreamcast, PS2, N64... but Rod says he’s got “all the latest video games”. Does he? Does he really? Was that line in the script, so the crew just bought whatever they could find? As for BKR himself...

I mean, I don’t see Shirley Temple, but it’s not bad! Rod wasn’t trapped inside a pocket dimension inside a CRT tv when he took his mask off, but they wouldn’t have been able to manage that scene with this budget anyway. So far, this is the only alien design I fully endorse. There WAS a point to him having a cherubic face in the book, but it’s never addressed, only implied, and I get why they would make him look more menacing.

In the book, BKR didn’t really have any goals. He just enjoyed being cruel for the sake of being cruel, and was hiding out on Earth because it was unlikely they’d find him there. In the movie, B’KR intends to destroy Earth by opening a wormhole (which is what’s causing the snow), and the good guys have about an hour to save the planet.

They kept another of Snout’s abilities, the Vulcan Mind Mel-- er, knowledge transferal, but gave it to Tar Gibbons. This is literally the only thing he’s done in the entire movie. For the record, this was originally the scene where Snout connects their minds, but Rod is startled by it and pulls back, causing Snout severe psychic harm and prompting the aforementioned emotional response from Grakker.

...They just had to get William Shatner to say Klingon, didn’t they. The climax of the movie is all him flying around spouting (sprouting?) plant puns, then Rod throws a banana cream pie (which was, apparently, part of someone’s science project) at BKR’s face... and finishes him off with foam shot from his papier mache volcano. I guess the shrunken spaceship expanding inside of a house, causing the roof to collapse and knock BKR unconscious, was too expensive violent for the movie... but why is getting him messy a solution to anything? Ah well.

Bruce Coville himself has a cameo as the judge for the science fair, which is nice. I think he might be the principal of the school... I didn’t really notice in the scene featuring the principal earlier, since that happened to be the projectile vomiting scene. I can only imagine he was honored to have his work recognized in this capacity... he’s a good dude, I’m sure he wouldn’t be as horrified as I am with the writing and quality of it.

Also the movie ends with the reveal of the actual size of the aliens... which is, uhh. About the size of adult humans. Hrm. Guess they just straight up decided not to get anything right, huh? Oh, and they reveal that Rod’s father actually is a member of the Galactic Patrol. So, that’s a thing.

Please don’t say that. God, was this movie bad. I would understand if they were passionate about bringing the story to more people and just didn’t have much of a budget, or if they made changes to better suit a visual medium, but that... is not what they did. I’m not the kind of person that demands an adaptation remains 100% faithful; if you want the experience of the book, you can just read the book. This, however, changes so many things. Like, in the book, BKR’s crime is cruelty. That’s the message of the book... that in truly civilized societies, kindness is the norm, and needless cruelty is a criminal act.

The characters in the book all either have depth to them or are interesting as sci-fi concepts, but the movie... Gakker is Mr. Slapstick, Madame Pong is Cool Collected Female, Tar Gibbons is... I dunno, wisdom obscured by things that just don’t translate into English and saying Warrior Science a lot (honestly the closest to his book counterpart, though HE was more interesting and actually did stuff), and Phil... yeah, just William Shatner saying plant puns. Bleagh.

Well, despite that end screen, it’s good to know that we won’t be getting any sequels. I mean, like I’ve already mentioned, Snout going missing is a major plot point in the second book, and the third is literally called The Search For Snout. What are they going to do, just skip to the fourth book?

...Oh hey, George Takei.

[sassy-pelican]

Soulmate AU: Sebastian Stan

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x plus-size-fem!Reader (based off self, explanation in the author’s note) Premise: On your twenty-first birthday, or the twenty-first birthday of your soulmate, you inhabit their body for twenty-four hours. The reader/you wake(s) up as Sebastian Stan. Warning: Fluff, humor, language, implied 18+/NSFW. I don’t know.

A/N: I am basing the reader off of myself. I know that means some physical characteristics are going to be different than actual readers, but I kind of wanted to use the oddity that is my body as a base because of the challenges it might cause for a person that has been a man for their entire life. In no way am I trying to alienate any readers. Also, for the intent of this AU, the reader is going to be bisexual; if that will bother anyone, please don’t read it. Sebastian will also have 20/20 vision, something I am unsure about. If anyone would like to rewrite this to be more inclusive, they may do so, only if they/you have a link to my original post. This has not been edited. Please enjoy. 

Your POV

Finally, less than a day left until you figure out who your soulmate is. Fuck, I hope it isn’t some creepy person. You think to yourself, hoping with everything in that the man or woman’s body you will be in for a whole twenty-four hours isn’t some pervert. You look down, and suddenly begin to feel a but sorry for the person who has to be you for a day.

You aren’t exactly skinny, and while you have made your peace with that, and have realized that without a little extra weight, you would be too top-heavy to have a functioning back, someone else might not. Your thighs touch, your arms are far too long, and all your height is in your legs, which equates to you looking like a newborn deer trying to walk most of the time.

What if they are younger than you and nothing happens? What is they are older and are mad that it didn’t happen sooner? Fuck. Your mind is racing, going through every possible scenario, trying to find an easy explanation. Slowly, you feel yourself begin to panic. Stop! No, we are not going to do this today [Y/N]! No panicking!

Somehow, you yelling at yourself mentally helps. It always seems to anyway. Shit, you should probably clean a little. If this soulmate of yours is going to be you, they are going to see your house, and your bedroom. You look at your bedroom. It is a mess. Clothes everywhere, blankets and pillows everywhere, nothing is clean. You even have your old princess blanket on your bed at the moment. Well that’s kind of embarrassing. Maybe you should change that.

Three hours later, almost everything that was covering your bedroom floor, is now covering your laundry room floor. Still a mess, but not in the first place he or she will see. You hesitate to change the blanket though. It is big and warm and soft; all things that help you sleep, and tonight you might need all the help you can get. Oh, fuck it. It’s staying.

The Next Morning

Peeling your eyes open, you are met with a room very different from your own. It looks like a hotel, and a nice one at that. You also realize that you don’t have boobs but do have a dick. Well, I guess I am a man. You laugh, a lower octave than you are used to, it actually shocks you before you realize, yet again that you are not you. Looking down at yourself, you notice a nice set of abs, which both pleases and alarms you. What if this guy is a fitness nut and expects me to be one too? No, no panicking. Not today. Maybe you should call yourself, see how the person who has your body is doing.

Silently picking up their phone, you realize that is has a passcode, one you don’t know. Well fuck. Sighing, you get up, ready to see who you are, not that you are likely to know who you are, but just maybe, maybe you have met this man before. As you reach the mirror, it hits you. Like a wall of bricks. “Fuck!”

Sebastian’s POV

This isn’t my hotel. What the hell, is that? Reaching up, I grab boobs. “What the fuck?” Confused, I sit up, and see a … a princess blanket? Okay this is getting weird. And Ariel is far too tan. At least the bed is comfy. Brows scrunched in confusion, I slide off of the bed, and walk around the house for a while, noticing very little. Not with my mind still racing at waking up with boobs. And not small ones at that.

Who is this girl? Where is this girl? I hear something. It almost sounds like feet, but not feet. Oh shit, does this girl have a kid? I walk around the corner, and see a dog coming to greet this woman. Thank the universe, I don’t know how well that would have went over. “Who are you?” I ask, not sure why, it isn’t like the dog can answer me.

I continue walking around and spot a note on the kitchen counter. At least there is something. I wasn’t prepared, the poor girl doesn’t have anything to guide her through me. My eyes widen. Fuck. This person is going to wake up as me! Pull yourself together Seb, this isn’t the end of the world. I look at the note.

‘Hello, my name is [Y/F/N] [Y/L/N] and if you are reading this you must be my soulmate. I’m sorry in advance. Please feed Mae a cup of dog food, it is in the big bucket in the pantry, with the cup in said bucket, after you eat dinner. No specific time, but she expects to be fed after you, well me. Anyway … I don’t have plans today, and told everyone to leave me alone, so you don’t have to worry about interacting with total strangers. I have a reminder on my phone to take meds at nine p.m., please don’t ignore it. There is a little plastic container with the bottles and stuff next to my bed with everything you need there. The passcode is [your passcode]. The neighbors can be really noisy, saying anything causes them to get louder so just deal with it the best that you can. Feel free to look through any of my books, I personally recommend Sarah J Maas, or the box set of Harry Potter. Don’t have too much fun. I have to live with whatever you do. ~ [Y/N]’

She sounds nice. Maybe I can make this work. Although, I am still in shock that boobs cause this much discomfort and are this heavy. I wonder what size bra she wears. No. Snooping would be rude, and I, Sebastian Stan am not a rude creeper. At least not yet.

Your POV

You are Sebastian Stan. A celebrity. Of all the possibilities you prepared for, this wasn’t one of them. It never occurred to you that he hadn’t met his soulmate yet. You always just thought that he had met her, and they couldn’t make it work or he kept her behind camera or something. Not that you are complaining, but this wasn’t something you had prepared for.

His phone dings. You read the preview. ‘My pass code is 6548.’ You smile, thankful that he saw your note and thought to reciprocate.

The knock on the door is echoing through your head. Sighing, you get up and do what Sebastian said. You let him in. Chris Evans. Great. You have to talk to one of your celebrity crushes, through your soulmates body, while not freaking out, about being in your soulmates body.

“We have a situation.” You say before Chris can even open his mouth.

“Okay?” He asks, hesitant.

“I am kind of not Sebastian. We have been texting and he told me to tell you what was going on.” You elaborate.

Chris smiles. “Fucking finally!” He practically yells, while doing a little happy dance.

“Um … thanks?”

“Sorry. I am just excited. Anthony is the only one out of the three of us, that has found his.” He stops. “Oh! Text him that I expect an equally enthusiastic response when I find mine.”

“I will. Later. But right now, you need to help me. Does he have anything planned publicly? He didn’t say.”

“Not that I am aware of, but you might want to ask him just to be sure. Oh, I forgot to ask, who are you?” Chris asks.

“I’m [Y/N], apparently I am Sebastian’s soulmate.” You answer.

“Is he in for a body shock? You don’t have to tell me anything specific.”

“Yes. Yes, he is. Already commented on it actually.” You reply, a smile on your face.

“Nothing bad I hope.” He eyes me, well Sebastian, warily.

“No, at least it wasn’t anything that I haven’t thought about everyday since I was twelve.” You elaborate.

“Please continue.”

“Boobs, Chris. I am talking about boobs.” You deadpan. He blushes a little.

“Right. Um, well, wish him luck for me?” You laugh at his embarrassment. The camaraderie between you two coming easier than you thought. Maybe it has to do with Sebastian already being friends with him?

“So, [Y/N], would you like to hear some embarrassing stories about your beloved Seb?”

Sebastian’s POV

It has been hours. She should have texted me again by now. What the fuck Seb? You don’t even know this girl and you are already clingy. I sigh, patting Mae’s head. The two of us have gotten off to a good start. Although I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I don’t think she realizes I am not [Y/N].

I have also discovered that she was right about her neighbors. They are loud. I followed her advice to not confront them, although, it took all of my restraint to do so. I also figured out that she is a lot stronger than she looks. I almost yanked the fucking door to the refrigerator off because I pulled so hard. All my, or her limbs that is, feel awkward too. Like they are little long for her body. But I am not going to question it.

Her princess blanket has become my new favorite object though. It is so soft. However, her food is delicious. She might not have a whole a lot when she returns though. Walking back into her bedroom I eye the nightstand. Don’t women keep strange things in there? Cautiously, I open it. Nothing. I look to the dresser. Nothing.

I go to shut her underwear drawer, something I didn’t intend to open, okay maybe I did, and hear a rattling. I tap the bottom. Shit. A false bottom. Tentatively, I remove it. My eyes go wide.

Your POV

It has been a while since Chris left. And you are bored out of your mind. There is nothing on the hotel television, and he has no books in his room. Almost as if of their own accord, your hands are rifling through his bedside table. You find an order form. Quite a lengthy one at that too. You look at the titles. Holy fuck, he ordered porn. You grab his phone. 

A/N 2: I was going to continue it to include what each of them did with the deal, but after trying to write it and reading what other smut I have written. I realized. I really suck at it. (no pun intended.) However, if anyone would like to try their hand at writing said scenes, feel free. I only ask that you tag me and link the original post. Any questions regarding the post and any specifics I will answer. The website I used for the text messages can be found in the message bar of each.

Also, all text messages are from Sebastian’s phone. I apologize to anyone who actually has that passcode. It just popped into my brain. I also feel the need to clarify his reaction to the possibility of the reader having a kid. I am in no way implying that Sebastian doesn’t like kids/want kids. But if I woke up in someone else’s body and they had a kid I didn’t know, I would be freaking out a little. (I love kids by the way). 

[heartfeltheart]

Alchemy: Magic Vs. Science

Chapters: 10/25 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter Rating: T Relationships: Edward/Winry, Lan Fan/Ling, and May/Alphonse. Primary Characters: Edward Elric, Severus Snape Additional Tags: Crossover, Teacher!Edward, BrOtp Edward/Severus. Sassy beyond measure. Series: Part 1 of 9. Summary: Magic and Science, are they the same or are they completely different? It just takes one person to point out all up and downs. Along with breaking the stereotypes that come up with being a wizard, alchemist and most of all being human. Thank you, @amynchan! D/C: I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Discord: La Red(Mesh Mash of… stuff.): https://discord.gg/KYjmVAb Alchemy Series: https://discord.gg/DejEYNJ

“English and Edward’s accented voice.” “Amestrian or another foreign language.” “Written notes.” ‘Thoughts.’ First Name: Informal Last Name: Formal (Or used to annoy others)

"...You want me to get you a stand?"

"Hoot!"

"Fine."

-.-

Edward resisted the urge to slam his head against his desk. After looking through several applications, he decided it was not worth his time. Everyone will be getting the same test and be tested equally. Now that decision was the easy part, now the hard part is creating the test. What many would have perceived it to be easy to create, that depends on who you are asking. Edward keeps remembering that exam he took when he became a State Alchemist. If he was dealing with kids from Amestris, he would expect each one of them to know the basics and understanding of Alchemy it would be no problem. No, he was dealing with brats that have no knowledge of what Alchemy is or even common sense for that matter.

The test will have to be basic, far more basic than Edward wanted it to be. But still easy enough for people to understand and pass. What worries Edward more is that the test could still be difficult for the students to understand. After all, he is dealing with kids that have no formal training in learning Alchemy.

"This is going to be a disaster." Edward muttered under his breath, he stood up and stretched his arms out. Xerxes, who was perched on a coat rack, quickly flew over and landed on Edward's head with a soft hoot. The Golden Blonde reached up and nudged the owl absentmindedly as he walked towards the entrance that leads up to his room. The moment that Edward placed his hand against the brick wall, the bricks started to shift and move away to allow him through. "To bad, I can't leave them all on a deserted island for a month."

Once Edward was back in his room, he headed toward a leather chair that was placed in the corner of the room next to a couple of bookcases. Xerxes, in turn, flew off towards her cage, which was on the other side of the room. She watched Edward plop himself on the leather chair and look up at the ceiling with a vacant expression. This wasn't new, he has been doing that a lot lately and it got worse every time it seemed like the human was down on his luck or on his wits ends with humanity. After looking at the ceiling with that expression for what seemed like forever, he should now be picking up a book that is in a night table next to Edward. The same book every time. There were times that he treated the book like it was invaluable and precious, while other times he treated it as if a curse or an abomination.

'Shitty father...' Edward thought, reading the book his father had wrote. It was, begrudgingly, a respectable book about Alchemy. Everything that is needed to know about the subject and so much more. Unknown to him, Xerxes suddenly flew out his room through an open window.

-.-

"How am I going to send him all of this?" Alphonse Elric said to himself, standing in front of a Xingese style trunk that is filled with notes, books and everything else Edward had asked him for. Now gathering all those items was the easy part, the hard part is getting said items to him. He hasn't seen the owl, which sent him the letter from his brother. Even if with the owl, it would nearly impossible for it to carry it to who knows where. With a sigh, Alphonse walked over towards his desk, he needed to write a letter and wait for that owl to come back.

-.-

Today is the big day that everyone came to anticipate. The day to take the Alchemy Exam, it has been over a week since its announcement and students asking, begging or even demanding to take said exam. Now it was time to take said exam, to see if they are able to learn the Ancient Art that is called Alchemy.

For one second-year Hufflepuff, he sat with his fellow second years from all four houses. Everyone that had signed up to take the exam were separated by year and are in different classrooms. They had a total of 90 minutes to finish the test or get as much as they could get done with. He watched the Alchemy Professor hand out the test on paper he had never seen before. It wasn't writing on a scroll and on the corner of the papers is something metallic which held them together. A muggle thing? He had heard rumors that Professor Elric is a muggle, maybe this was a muggle thing. Along with the exam, he also gave out a wooden stick stating it was a pencil. A device that is used to write with and on the other end of the pencil is something pink which could erase your writing!

Taking in a deep breath, the Hufflepuff wrote his name on the top right corner of the exam, as instructed before he glanced through it. What he read caused him to tilt his head side to side, scratch said head and mentally wonder if he even could answer any of them. Some of them were like the following...

Which is heavier, a kilogram of bricks or a kilogram of feathers?

A little girl kicks a ball. It goes 10 feet and comes back to her. How is this possible?

If you were to put a coin into an empty bottle and then insert a cork into the neck, how could you remove the coin without taking out the cork or breaking the bottle?

Questions that has the Hufflepuff thinking outside the box, at first they appear simple and straightforward. However, the more the look at them, there is more than what meets the eye. Those are however the easier ones. The next set is giving him a headache, never in his life had he seen this before...

Name the following elements:

H

K

C

O

Fe

Complete the following equation:

_CO2 + _H20 (equals) _C6H12O6 + _O2

Never in his life has he ever seen such things. With a shake of his head, the Hufflepuff continued looking through the packet hoping to see something familiar. There were two more questions after that. The first one has him wondering how he should answer it.

All is one, one is all.

Then the final question, the easiest one by far.

Tell me why you wish to learn Alchemy. (Note, this counts and if you lie, I have military experience to make you suffer!)

The part that was written next to the question has the Hufflepuff gulp nervously. That quickly went away when he saw there was more written on the back of the final page of the paper.

From Minerva: He will not make you suffer. I will remove you from his class if such an event occurs.

From Edward: Shut UP!

From Severus: Mr. Elric is entitled to make the students suffer in the time it takes you to remove the said student from his class, Professor McGonagall.

From Edward: HA!

From Severus: Likewise, Mr. Elric may not do any lasting damage that Madame Promrey cannot reverse overnight.

From Minerva: Justice...

From Edward: Whose side are you on!

From Severus: The side that allows me the most enjoyment within the parameters of the school.

From Edward: Meaning?

From Severus: My own.

From Edward: ...I knew we were going to get along just right.

From Minerva: I'm surrounded by children.

From Severus: Of course. You are an instructor.

From Edward: HA!

From Minerva: Don't encourage him.

From Edward: I don't need encouragement!

From Severus: Agreed. Mr. Elric's enthusiasm is entirely his own.

From Minerva: -.-

It appeared the three professors were arguing on the original copy of the exam and it was copied out on every exam. This did not help the Hufflepuff, not one bit. If anything, he stood up from his seat and speed walked towards the Alchemy Professor's desk. He placed the unanswered test on the desk before dashing off in complete freight.

Edward watched the young boy with an eyebrow raised wondering what got into him. With a snort, he reached over towards the exam to see who it was.

"Cedric Diggory? Hm, he didn't write anything. Less trouble for me then."

-.-

"Hm...?" Fred chewed on the eraser of the pencil he was given for the test. He was taking his time answering the questions to the best of his abilities. The questions were pretty much straightforward; he wondered why Mr. Elric placed them in the test. It was the last question that got him to stomp. An idea struck him and he began to answer that last question.

I want to be given a chance to learn something new with my twin brother...and perfect our pranks.

On the other side of the classroom, George wrote a similar response to the last question. It was all about the pranks and how to perfect them. If Mr. Elric wanted the truth then he is going to get it.

-.-

Alphonse held Xerxes in his hands examining her at every angle. He wondered how the little owl could transverse long distances and know just where to go. Xerxes seemed not to mind, she made a type of almost purring type of noise, content especially flying through the harsh desert. "Do you know where Big Brother is?"

Xerxes gave Alphonse a look that did not settle well for the Alchemist. It reminded of the same look Edward would always give him before he did something devious or idiotic. It is usually a combination of both. "Big Brother always complains that I shouldn't have a pet, but here you are."

"Hoot, hoot, hoot." Xerxes huffed out smugly.

"Did you just mock me?"

"Hoot."

"You did!"

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[sparklyjojos]

--[Disco Wednesdayyy 23/?] In which Disco encounters a time wall, the physics lecture intensifies, and we arrive at the World’s End. [tw: csa]--

Last time, we learned about the oncoming Ragnarok, and witnessed ‘Disco’ and ‘Mercury C’ arriving from the future. The present Disco is pretty shocked, while Mercury C seems to be having fun like always (”ohoho, it seems I’m even more handsome in reality than in the mirror!”).

To Hakkyoku’s question about when he came from, ‘Disco’ says that he’s from the same space-time as them, that is from before 11:26 PM. (Right now it’s around 4 AM, the sun is starting to rise). The detectives ask him what to do and show him the article about their disappearance, but ‘Disco’ just smiles and throws the paper away, letting it vanish.

“You possess ‘wisdom’ and ‘emotions’, so you will surely disappear from here,” he says.

Suddenly, Hakkyoku’s phone rings. It’s Dezuumi again. “Is this a good time to talk, Mr. Hakkyoku?”

“I guess there won’t be a better time...” Hakkyoku and Disco look at each other and without words agree not to tell Dezuumi that they’re doomed.

“Runbaba’s... that is Mitamura’s surgery just ended, and it turns out it wasn’t appendicitis at all. He had a cyst or something, looked like a small empty bag.”

[Uh oh. Considering Mitamura’s the one who wrote Tsukumojuku, I am now very afraid about what this ‘bag’ might have contained.]

Before Disco can hear anything else, ‘Mercury C’ comes up to him and says that mysteries can wait, but his life can’t, then grabs him and together with the other Mercury C they jump in time.

---

They arrive in the bedroom in the hotel in Chofu, at the time when Hoshino and the Black Bird Man assaulted Disco and Kozue [the scene from the very end of the second book. Note that while we saw this event before, this is actually happening in the future relatively to the Pine House, in the morning of 15th July]. The past ‘Disco’ is lying on the ground, and the Black Bird Man is pressing crying Kozue to the bed, currently in the act of putting those four cut-off fingers where they definitely shouldn’t be [NOPE NOPE NOPE].

After a moment of shock Disco runs at the two in rage, but something invisible is in the way. It’s not quite like a wall: it doesn’t actually give any sensory feedback when you press against it, so it doesn’t feel like you’re even touching anything. It’s more like an overall ‘resistance’ that strangely enough can be stretched a bit like elastic if you go slowly against it. Is it what the pressure between two ‘spaces’ is like? Maybe the image he’s seeing is not what’s actually happening inside, but a projection...

Either way, Disco continues trying to brute force his way through the wall while both Mercurys ask him to calm down and think. Even trying to warp space doesn’t work. Nobody on the other side of the ‘wall’ seems to hear or see them, which Disco should have expected, seeing as when he was in this horrible situation, he didn’t see another himself.

(“Isn’t it weird?” ‘Mercury C’ says. “Why were we able to move in the twisted space of the Pine House without noticing anything, but can’t enter the other side of the bedroom?”)

Disco finally starts thinking. Alright, he has to calm down. The event they’re observing is done, it’s already happened and ended. This assault would cause Kozue to shift the traumatic memory onto a newly created ‘split personality’ that would exist in the past -- that is ‘Kikyou’ born 14 years ago -- while Kozue herself forgot it. ‘Kikyou’ didn’t exist anymore, so it must mean Kozue’s emotional scars healed. So what he’s seeing is more like a recording that he can’t change (he thinks right before he bangs his head against the ‘wall’ again, because Kozue is still crying and it’s hard to stay put while she’s being hurt.)

This ‘wall’ was probably made by the Black Bird Man. What power does he have that surpasses Disco’s abilities? Over “space-time”, there should be “wisdom”. Maybe gaining more “wisdom” will let Disco break this ‘wall’, then? Maybe if this is a leftover recording of the past, it’ll disappear if Disco can’t hear or see it, since his consciousness is what keeps it going? Let’s try figuring the situation out.

Disco tries warping the space that he and the Mercurys are in into a circle, so that it’s wrapped around the ‘wall’. Then he removes all the air from between the warped space and the ‘wall’ to create vacuum, which serves as a soundproof barrier. He can no longer hear the crying. Alright, this works, but Kozue is still there. He still has to get inside somehow, or get in touch with ‘himself’ on the other side.

(At this point ‘Mercury C’ goes “eh, whatever, bringing you here really had no sense” and disappears.)

If the other ‘him’ couldn’t see or hear them, then there had to be something else (other than Disco’s vacuum) blocking the way of sound and light. But would something be able to block it one-way, like a magic mirror but made out of space-time? Could he figure out how to transmit light and sound from A to B (from here to there)? Of course, assuming that B wasn’t just something like a TV screen that was just showing projections and didn’t actually have tiny actors behind the screen... Okay, let’s reverse engineer it. What did the Black Bird Man do to block sound or light from reaching the other side?

Disco draws a few pictures to think it over better (noting that oh damn, it seems the great detectives’ way of doing things really rubbed off on him.)

As you can tell from the equation v=s/t, speed is proportional to the distance traveled and inversely proportional to the time it took to travel the distance. Light and sound move incredibly fast, but they still take time to travel a non-zero distance. That’s why what you see is never something happening right now, but something from a minuscule amount of time in the past. It would take time for the image from the other side of the wall to reach Disco and Mercury C. And if there was even just a tiny amount of time to work with, the Black Bird Man could probably manipulate it -- maybe even compress the entire time of the assault into a split second. Or maybe it was the distance between the two sides that was stretched so far it’d take light way more time to traverse it?

Mercury C arrived at the scene first, right before Disco and ‘Mercury C’, so he should be first to be seen. He was standing just about 5 meters away from Hoshino and past ‘Disco’, so why didn’t they see him arrive?

Option 1: Time was stretched, ‘magnified’. The entire assault took place inside tiny fractions of seconds, in less time than it’d take the photons to reach the other side of the ‘wall’.

Option 2: Distance was stretched. Those 5 meters were ‘magnified’ to be unimaginably long, and photons would need more time to reach the other side. This option should make the other side look tiny because of the distance, so the projected image would have to be magnified too. This could be probably done by warping space. [pics: “Magnified space” chart 1 and 2]

If either of these theories -- magnified time or distance -- was correct, it’d mean that while they are observing the attack now, it really has been long over.

Mercury C notices a disrepancy here: light and sound move at different speeds, and that difference would be magnified in both cases. Just like you see a lightning before hearing it, they should first see the attack without sound and only later hear it, but the image and sound were synchronized.

Disco has no idea how to further explain it, so Mercury C just shakes his head in exasperation, reaches behind the couch and retrieves a small stereo speaker, then finds another. The sound was coming through the stereo.

Just like one of those mystery novel tricks. Everyone’s thinking in terms of space-time bending, but all this time, it’s really been this simple.

But wait, if the sound was coming through the speakers, then how on earth did Disco made it stop by making the vacuum? ...did his will to stop it alone do it?...

“Open the curtains, detective,” Mercury C says. Open the curtains...? Ah, just like ‘opening’ the Pine House by finding a rift and pulling the two ends of Natsukawa Cottage apart. He has to find a place in which there’s a ‘rift’... “Open this wall and let’s kick their asses.”

“Oh? And why won’t mister macho open the wall himself?” comes the voice from the speakers. The Black Bird Man. It seems he can hear them through the device.

Trying to ignore the voice, Disco returns the rounded space to normal while Mercury C eliminates the vacuum. The projection and sound still show the assault in progress, although ‘Disco’ isn’t there anymore (did he vanish to the Pineapple Home?). Disco tries to finally break the wall, but can’t. There must be something he doesn’t understand yet... he yells at Hoshino and the Black Bird Man to stop, and the latter answers that, hey, come on, he already heard this line once, “And then you just ran away leaving Kozue behind. Weakness really is a sin...”

Suddenly, the door on the other side of the ‘wall’ flies open. ‘Mercury C’ barges in and with one strike decapitates Hoshino. [So this is what must have happened after Disco lost consciousness.] While this is happening, angry Black Bird Man throws Kozue towards Disco so that her bare behind is seen, says “Look, it’s Disco-chan’s beloved ass!” and gives him a hateful middle finger. [And I’m yelling because holy shit, is the book actually addressing how creepy that ‘Shakuko’ situation is?! Will this plot end with Disco having to acknowledge the creep factor and do something about it to defeat his Guilt? My waning hope is returning!]

Mercury C sees that Disco can’t think clearly out of anger and is probably about to do something really stupid, so he grabs Disco and jumps...

--

...and they arrive outside the small bedroom a little earlier, at the time just before the assault. They can see past ‘Disco’ entering the bedroom, then there’s a loud gunshot-like sound, but no screams that should follow. When Disco and Mercury C enter the bedroom, they realize the attack is already over; Kozue is alone, passed out and covered in blood. So the ‘gunshot’ they heard was made out of all the sounds of the assault crammed into a tiny amount of time.

After a moment of silence, Mercury C asks Disco a few questions -- how tall is Kozue? (107 cm) What’s her favorite color? (Green) What’s her favorite food? (Chocolate) -- and before Disco can blink, he jumps and returns with a few shopping bags, containing new child-size green pajamas and a box of chocolates. ...so he was the one who bought it for Kozue. [Okay, fuck, I love Mercury C.]

Disco leaves Mercury C to look after little Kozue and goes to the other bedroom to calm down Kozue’s Feelings, who woke up because of the ‘gunshot’. They talk a little, and Kozue’s Feelings wants to have a new name that’s more fitting for ‘Disco’s accomplice’. Disco proposes the name Morinaga Koeda, which is a pun: ‘Kozue’ (梢) means ‘a tip of a branch’, so bigger Kozue is ‘a small branch’, ‘Koeda’ (小枝). She’s like, why Morinaga and not ‘Koeda Wednesdayyy’? [Um, I hope she means this in a ‘daughter and father’ way, not in the. Other way.] But in the end decides that ‘Suiyoubi Koeda’ would sound too weird. So we now have a girl called Koeda who has Shakuko’s body, Norma’s face, and is actually Kozue’s Feelings. Great.

Disco returns to the small bedroom. He says that he’s going to repay Mercury C for everything later (the receipt has quite a big sum total), but Mercury C just waves his hand and calls him an idiot for caring about money. [Yeah, definitely starting to love this guy.]

Mercury C shows Disco another shopping bag, but this one has a bunch of knives and other sharp weapons inside. Now they have something to fight with. Guns would be useless, since the Black Bird Man could just stretch time to slow down the bullets and run away. They won’t have problems taking so many knives with them, since they can hide them in compressed space. “I already have some with me,” Mercury C adds, and Disco realizes that a hidden knife must be what was used to decapitate Hoshino.

“If we try to casually find the Black Bird Man again, he’ll probably just pull off another fast one on us,” Mercury C says. “So let’s hit right into the heart of the matter instead.”

“What do you mean?”

“The letter ‘c’ in ‘Mercury C’ is the symbol for the speed of light. Let’s go and surpass the light itself.”

--

It’d be hard to jump right into that stretched fraction of second of the assault, but there must be a way. ‘Mercury C’ did this, after all. Maybe the barrier in the bedroom was caused by two ‘times’ crashing rather than two ‘spaces’ pressing on each other. They’d have to find some sort of ‘boundary’ between two times to open it. But how on earth do you find a rift in time?

When Disco jumps from A to B, he isn’t just instantly teleported. There’s an in-between state. The process of a jump is something like this: first, imagine the B space in your mind. Find a similar amount of space-time in B that you’re currently taking in A. Without severing this mental connection, ‘pull’ space B towards yourself. At this point, aside from ‘the you that certainly exists in A’, there’s also ‘the you that potentially exists in B’. In the next step, when the former ‘you’ disappears, there’s already ‘the you that certainly exists in B’. If the travel of light isn’t instantenous, then maybe this change from ‘potentially in B’ to ‘certainly in B’ isn’t either.

Similarly, when he first became aware of the warped space in the Pine House, he didn’t just teleport into the ‘right’ place, but stumbled and bonked his head on the doorway. Fukushima and Kimura got flung to the side. So the change of consciousness took some time, though this transition felt smooth. In fact, when he remembered entering the bedroom that horrible morning, he realized that he didn’t notice anything weird until after he looked around and saw that 0202 note. This probably proved the ‘magnified time’ theory: the moment of his consciousness catching up to what was happening became stretched as well.

But why did this transition between two states feel continuous? In fact, let’s talk about ‘continuous’ and ‘discontinous’. If the speed of time could change depending on people’s consciousness, but people couldn’t easily pass from one time to a different time (like Disco who met the wall’ in the way), then... how could people easily move around at all? Everyone’s consciousness and therefore time was different, right? So why did the boundaries between them felt like a smooth transition?

Because people looked at watches, and made sure they were synchronized with each other. But if no clocks were around, people could still move freely, maybe thanks to the consciousness of others influencing them and vice versa. And so, their respective space-times met in a smooth transition. Maybe the will of the Black Bird Man was so strong it destroyed this smoothness, causing a discontinuity between him and Disco?

Disco couldn’t break that ‘wall’ for the same reason he couldn’t jump inside someone’s mind. Each person has an individual time flow inside them that depends on their consciousness. Even space-warpers like Disco can’t just enter the consciousness of someone else, since the difference in time flows between the space-warper and the target person makes this impossible. The skin may be the boundary of the individual consciousness, as it surrounds what we consider ‘our space’... maybe that’s why ‘Mercury C’ attacked Hoshino with a bladed weapon: to break the continuity of skin...?

Let’s say the times between you and someone else were synchronized. Could you enter someone else’s body? Did this happen to Kozue? She was temporarily pushed out by ‘Kikyou’ and her future Feelings. But her other ‘personalities’ and Feelings were still herself. Could you actually enter other people? Probably not. A person’s consciousness constantly changes, so their inner ‘time’ must be wildly fluctuating, and syncing up with it would be next to impossible.

The ‘jumping into people’ talk aside... It seems that not only you can’t enter another space-time, but also properly enter a flow of time running in the opposite direction to yours. Like the one after Ragnarok. If human consciousness creates the world, would Ragnarok be the limit of human consciousness? Is there another ‘wall’ somewhere that denotes where this world ends? A place where this and another time meet?

“Sure there is,” Mercury C says. “Up there above the clouds.”

Disco decides to check it out, so he goes outside and jumps higher and higher, trying to find a ‘wall’. A kilometer... 10 km... 30 km... finally he can’t withstand the physical conditions and returns to the hotel. “Okay, Mercury C, tell me where this wall actually is.”

Mercury C is a little surprised that Disco didn’t manage to reach it, and says he’ll tell him about the wall, but that the end of the world for Disco may not necessarily be the end of the world for Mercury C.

Consciousness creates the world, right? The Earth and the Universe are set because people have similar worldviews and beliefs. But, you see... Mercury C doesn’t really believe in people. When you think about it, it’s pretty much the same as being the only person in the world, isn’t it? He can’t know for sure if other people actually exist or have feelings; the only one he believes in is himself. The one who doesn’t believe in the shape of the world can change it freely... The point is, Mercury C doesn’t believe in anything he can’t see, touch or feel, and that’s why his ‘end of the world’ (end of consciousness) is maybe 400 meters up in the sky. But Disco? Disco still isn’t able to doubt the world, and is still synchronized with others.

“So you don’t believe in anything?” Disco repeats. “But when I told you I went to the stratosphere just now, you believed me.”

“Of course. You’re the entire point of this case. ...You still don’t know how to get to the wall? Y’know, if you can’t do it from one side, why not try from the other?”

Of course.

It’s 7:28 AM on 15th July. The corresponding time on the other side of Ragnarok would be 3:24 PM on 16th July. Disco jumps to the future.

---

In the future, the hotel room looks very similar, but it’s cleaned up, and there’s no one else around. Remembering Hakkyoku’s experiments, Disco makes his own: opens the door and puts his attention somewhere else. When he looks back at the door, it’s already back to being closed. So he really can’t affect the future.

Disco jumps to the roof, covers himself with a protective layer of space-time so he can stand the harsh conditions, and flies up into space. This time, he really finds something.

The World’s End is white. Not a glaring light hurting his eyes, but a gentle, deep sort of white. It has a smell, something like paper-mache mixed with blueberry... though it’s probably just his senses making up input in the nothingness. If he focuses enough, he can hear something like a quiet voice, or a child crying.

There isn’t anyone but him here, so events should go as he wishes, right? Maybe as long as he doesn’t believe he needs air, he won’t have to breathe... but maybe it’s better not to check that.

After a short while in this complete isolation Disco starts experiencing what he describes as Gestaltzerfall -- slowly forgetting what shape he was, and having a feeling like his hands turn into a set of disconnected parts before his eyes. [Gestaltzerfall is a phenomenon in which staring at a complex shape long enough will cause you to eventually treat it like a sum of parts rather than a whole. Eg. if you contemplate a word long enough, you’ll start seeing it as a meaningless set of letters or an assembly of lines rather than an actual word.]

In a perfectly lonely place like the World’s End, Disco can do anything. He’s omnipotent. But if he stays here, all alone, his entire being is going to slowly break down into pieces and disappear.

As long as he is with other people, then even if he starts to break, the others will hold his shape inside their consciousness and help him stay whole.

[This is such a nice fragment and a great metaphore, I love it.]

Disco returns to the hotel roof, and realizes that the nothingness of the World’s End confused him so much he accidentally jumped further into the future, to 31st October 2019. Kozue should be around 19 now. Disco starts thinking about whether or not he should pay her a visit, but then something else catches his attention: a skyscraper that wasn’t there 13 years ago, with the name of the company written in giant letters:

STYRON JAPAN

[spookadoop]

Shrimp (Gil x Male reader)

For @anixara

Request: Would you consider doing a gil x male reader where the reader is king bens younger brother who doesn't get as much attention or is really noticed by people, and kinda goes for a more “beastish” look to offset being a bit on the smaller side. Maybe meets gil when the vk gets to auradon and is assigned to tutor him cause gil needs help in classes since gaston wouldn't value education at all.

You were never as important as your older brother, Ben. King Ben. He was the heir to the throne, the tourney star, the golden son. You? Well, you were the copper son. Nobody really cared who you were or what you did. Your parents would try to deny it but it was evident in the way they spoiled your older brother. You were always stuck in his shadow. Both literally and figuratively. It wasn’t your fault you were born after him. Or born short, but that was a whole different story. It just made you work harder, try to get better grades than him, not that anyone ever noticed. And now that Ben had found his one true love, it just set you even farther behind him. Now, along with grades and chores, your mother nagged you about finding a nice girl. The only problem with that? You’re gay. Though, she didn’t care enough to realize. So, if everyone was going to pretend you weren’t there, you were gonna make sure they couldn’t forget. So, in order to set yourself apart from your brother (as well as hide the fact you were...heightly challenged) you began dressing more and more like a boy from the Isle. as your mother said anyways. A more rough look in comparison to your clean-cut brother. You looked more like one of the villain children than the child of Belle and Adam (more commonly known as “the Beast”). And maybe that was why, out of all of the children at Auradon Prep, you were chosen to tutor the son of on infamous Gaston. You had a feeling the boy, Gil, would need help catching up to everyone in his grade, including yourself. According to your mom, Gaston never really cared much for knowledge or education. “Brawns over Brains,” She would remark while telling you and your older brother the story of how they met. And that’s how you found yourself sitting in the library, waiting for the brute’s son, who decided to be an hour late. Just as you were packing your things and getting ready to leave, the library doors creaked open, the blond boy poking his head in cautiously before making his way over to you. “About time,” you called, cheeks reddening when the librarian shushed you. Lowering your voice you continued, “I told you to be here at twelve sharp.” The taller boy’s face flushed, “I didn’t know what time it was.” You rolled your eyes, “There’s a clock in every room, Gil. You’re even wearing a watch!” He bowed his head slightly, eyes casting to the ground. “I can’t tell time,” He mumbled, face turning a deeper shade of red. Your eyes widened before hastily stuttering out an apology. Of course Gaston wouldn’t even teach his son how to tell time. “Let’s get started then?” You offered, motioning to the stack of books on the table. The other boy’s face quickly lit up, nodding eagerly.

Two weeks into tutoring him, and Gil was surprising you more and more everyday. The first day you had mainly worked on reading. He knew the basics but not enough to read the books expected at your academic level. The next day, he was in the library before you, surrounded by piles of books, writing down a list of the words he didn’t understand. The second day, you worked on math. First you taught him the essentials, such as telling time along with simple equations. He didn’t seem to understand at first, but then you started using problems he could relate to. Such as stealing fish, fighting, and anything involving eggs. Once you asked him what would happen if the enemy had four crewmembers for every three his captain had, he immediately caught on. After a few days you even found him helping his angry, red leather clad friend. You couldn’t help but feel a little proud. “Alright, Gil. Tomrrow you have a science test so today we’re mostly going to focus on biology,” You informed the boy, setting a few worksheets on the library table. You furrowed your eyebrows when you received no response. “Gil?” “Sorry,” He muttered, pulling himself out of his thoughts. Something seemed off. “Is everything alright?” You asked, sitting down in your chair. He shrugged, laying his head on the table, “Just a little confused I guess. I really like being at Auradon. But, Uma and Harry always yell at me for it. they say it’s a bad thing, that I should be worried about getting back to the Isle instead of playing tourney or studying. but, if it’s such a bad thing then why do I like it here so much? And even though I like it here and try my hardest to fit in, all anyone ever thinks when they see me is my dad. I’m separated from the Isle by a magical barrier and still living in my dad’s shadow.” You gave him a sad smile, “I know how you feel. Being in a new place can be hard. And having to live in someone else’s shadow doesn’t make it any easier. Especially if that person is related to you. It can make trying to fit in and make a name for yourself pretty tough. But you seem genuinely happy on the tourney field. Don’ let your friends or anyone else ruin that happiness for you.” The other boy just shrugged again, “I guess.” “If it makes you feel any better, I think you’re much better than Gaston, and I’m glad you came to Auradon,” You replied, giving him a slight smile. “Really?” He asked, head lifting from the table. He almost reminded you of a puppy. “Really,” you replied, trying to ignore the way your heart sped up at the way the other boy smiled at you. “Thanks, Shrimpy.” “Gil I will knock you out with this book I swear,” You threatened, lifting your biology book up. “That’s a lot of big talk from such a shrimpy boy.” “I will hurt you, I’m serious!” “You and I both know that despite that tough look you try to go for you’re just a big shrimp!” “Fight me, fish for brains!”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Gil, Y/N,” Ben stated as you sat beside him at your weekly family dinner. “I’m shocked you noticed,” You remarked, rolling your eyes. “You’re my brother, of course I noticed,” The King shot back as your parents exchanged a wary look. they could feel a storm brewing. “Yeah? Well you don’t act like it,” You replied, glaring at your older brother. He gritted his teeth, opening his mouth to reply before being cut off by your mother, “Boys, not now. We are trying to have a nice family dinner, the arguing can wait.” Since when are we a family, you wanted to ask, but kept your mouth shot at the stern look your dad shot you. You may have taken your height and stature from your mother, but your attitude was completely your father’s.

You could barely hide your surprise when you spotted Gil running at you from across the courtyard, shouting your name. “Y/N Y/N Y/N!” He called, eventually tackling you to the ground. “Ow! Gil! What the hell man!?” You cried out, unable to sit up as the boy leaned over you, holding a packet in his hand proudly. “I made a B,” He stated, waving the packet in your face. “Really!?” You replied, snatching the packet from his hand to stare at the largely printed B, on the cover. “Gil that’s-” You started before being cut off by a pair of lips pushed onto yours. Your eyes widened as your blood rushed to your face. “Amazing,” You finished in a squeak as the boy removed his lips from yours. “I know! And it’s all thanks to you. Thank you, Y/N. Really,” He replied, giving you a fond smile. “Say, I was wondering if, in honor of getting a B, you’d maybe want to go celebrate. With me,” Gill muttered, a look of bashful hope on his face. “I’d love to, Gil... On one condition,” You replied, giving the boy a pained smile. “Anything.” “Can you please get off of me? You’re crushing my spleen.”

[flarechaser]

The first time I was given specific instruction on public speaking that I can recall was in 2001, when my fifth grade teacher had us write a speech every week to present to the class.  Since then I have given numerous presentations for projects and most comments for how a presentation ought to work come after the presentation, in the form of notes on a rubric.  What instruction is given beforehand – speak clearly, speak up, don’t ‘um or uh,’ don’t just read from your notes, make eye contact – are wildly unhelpful and even detrimental given a lack of elaboration.

The most common advice given on the subject of public speaking is usually meant for neurotypical people whose nerves are within the range considered normal, and as someone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder it tends to be profoundly unhelpful.  On top of that, anxious people can be anxious in different ways and about different things.  For myself, the best way to confront anxiety about a presentation is to provide structure.

The Shore book provides that structure, and I really do appreciate it.  His advice for forming alliances has actually played out in the real world in the highest levels of American government: in the Obama administration, several of the women among his top advisors found themselves to be cut off by men in discussions.  They came up with a strategy called ‘amplification,’ in which, when they heard a woman’s contribution, would agree with it, attribute it to the originator of the contribution, and repeat it, and eventually the strategy paid off, as President Obama began consulting more often with the women on his team.  (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-the-women-on-obamas-staff-made-sure-their-voices-were-heard_us_57d94d9fe4b0aa4b722d79fe)

I have been attempting to follow this method and to give credit when I follow someone’s idea with a related topic, though I don’t know how well I’ve been succeeding.

For all that I live and die by structure, enumerating points as Shore suggests is something that has never occurred to me.  I may do something similar, but I always end up dressing it in such fancy language that it never looks so simple.  But presentations should be simple, conversational.  The wordier they are the more inaccessible they can become, and it is easier to lose audience engagement.

When it comes to setting up a presentation, it is important to be self-aware and know what your strengths are.  I am not an off-the-cuff person.  I communicate much more clearly in writing than I can in the spoken word, because it gives my mind time to catch up to my mouth and allows me to determine if what I’m saying makes sense, is relevant to the topic at hand, or even necessary to voice at all.  Writing allows for editing and concise, clear communication that, due to sensory issues related to the anxiety (among other things), can become difficult for me.  An example: our classroom is generally quiet, and I can follow along with the discussions easily.  If we were, however, to meet out in the oval, in a café, or at a department store, I might understand every third and take much longer to respond to even basic inquiries.  Those distractions may exist when reading or writing, but the words remain and can be returned to once the distractions are removed.

This means that I will often break several of the so-called rules that we’re given in the early days of learning how to present.  I always start out with an outline that will eventually turn into a script, one I will read word-for-word.  I will never make eye contact longer than a few seconds if I can help it, and I will create my own internal distractions to keep me on task and out of an anxiety death spiral.

Once an anxiety attack starts it is difficult to interrupt and it takes a long time to recover from. The best thing to do, then, is to prevent them from occurring in the first place.  Writing a script takes the early anxiety out of the equation.  You know what you’re going to say, so you have time to prepare.  You can elaborate on it, and add jokes here or there, but when you have the bones of the presentation its easier to go from there.  I also use a text-to-speech function to play the script back to me and help me get a sense of the speed at which I should speak, so I don’t rush through unintelligibly.  It also helps me practice at times when I’m unable to read, like when I’m cooking, driving, or performing some other repetitive task that requires my concentration. Four years later I can still remember the bones of my undergrad thesis presentation after using this method.

On the second point, eye contact, people are distracting.  People move and make noise and expect things from you, and someone else having expectations makes descending into panic in a stressful situation a near certainty.  The trick is to make everyone thing you're looking at someone else.  Looking at something in the back of the room is basic advice, but too general.  Instead, find a few different spots at eye level in several portions of the room and switch between those.  If looking at a person is unavoidable, look at their eyebrows, or the bridge of their nose. At that distance, its nearly impossible to tell the difference between direct eye contact or faking it.

Creating a non-distracting distraction may seem a bit oxymoronic but I will swear by it. Anxiety is a problem that exists on multiple levels – it’s like a computer taking up too much processing power by constantly running unnecessary background apps.  Unfortunately it is impossible to uninstall anxiety and its related im-not-good-enough, i-forgot-to-do-this, I-should-add-that, is-my-shirt-on-backwards circular thought processes.  What you can do is give your brain something else to focus on.

Enter the much maligned fidget spinner, the humble stress ball, the torn hangnail.  Quiet tasks to give your hands so you can put your brain to work doing what its meant to do.  I must reiterate that every brain is different, every anxiety is different, and doing something with your hands might not help for you and might in fact be more distracting.  I have found it to be helpful in improving concentration and aiding in the performance of engagement (which is performative, when you know someone else is judging it – we don’t know other people’s minds and can only read their behaviors, but it is always possible that we read them wrong, or we are read wrong by others.  Active listening is a social nicety meant mostly for the speaker’s benefit than your own).

[wrestlingisfake]

No Mercy preview

Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman - Lesnar defends the universal championship.  This match was supposed to happen months ago, but Strowman needed surgery.  Then plans for Summerslam turned into a four-way, where Strowman destroyed Lesnar, but somehow didn’t figure into Brock making a comeback to retain the title.  The question here is whether Strowman is just another tomato can for Brock, or if Lesnar can’t get around him without the chaos of a multi-person match.

As usual for Brock Lesnar matches, everything revolves around political issues, from his limited schedule to his price tag to the wisdom of keeping the title on him through Wrestlemania.  A case can be made that WWE has managed to get Strowman over to the point that he could take over the Lesnar role, and that WWE would do well to get a younger, hungrier, more loyal man in that position.  If he loses clean here, that’s probably all out the window.  If he wins...well, you’ve got a lot more interesting options for the next six months.  But you could make that argument about putting Samoa Joe over Brock, and they didn’t do that either.

The problem here--and with WWE altogether, really--is that this match will be booked with the sole priority of setting up something for Roman Reigns.  That’s not Roman’s fault, nor is it Roman’s fault that they’ve fucked him up for three years.  But the fan base knows this clash of titans is just a battle for the right to put Reigns over later, and it’s hard to get excited about that.  (Even if you love Roman, I can’t imagine you particularly care which of these guys he beats for the belt.)  I’m not fiercely opposed to Roman as the top guy or the Wrestlemania headliner, but creeping up on it for a year is really starting to wear me down.

As for this match, the most interesting thing they could do here is a Strowman victory, so they’ll probably have Lesnar shock us all with a freak pinfall in under ten minutes.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns - Cena was recently deemed a “free agent” who can go to any brand he wants, as a way to explain him jumping from Smackdown to Raw so he could call out Reigns. 

This is supposed to be the big battle of the tippy-top guys, on the order of Hulk Hogan vs. Bret Hart or Steve Austin vs. the Rock or Cena vs. Triple H.  Except that Cena has never been fully accepted in that role and Reigns has had an even harder time with it.  So it’s less about seeing two legends you thought would never fight and more about rooting for the guy you hate least out of sheer spite.  Accordingly, the promos setting up this match have been more about exposing each man’s flaws and weaknesses than emphasizing their respective strengths.

Cena has a natural talent for this sort of thing, and he’s done this basic angle (where the other guy shoots on him in a whiny manner and Cena deflects it effortlessly) a zillion times.  I expect he’ll spend the match doing a lot of little things to try to make you believe he’s breaking kayfabe and going into business for himself. 

Reigns...hasn’t looked very good, essentially bringing a water pistol to a gunfight.  In these wars of words, it’s not enough to tell the truth and say “bitch” and “ass” a lot.  Your shoot promo still has to connect with the audience just like a real promo, and I don’t think he’s on Cena’s level of doing that.  The solution, then, would have been to make this feud focus on what Roman does better than Cena (whatever that is), instead of trying to convince people that any wrestler can be The Rock with the right script.

This is one of those things where WWE clearly intended to do a shoot-y thing to put one guy over, but didn’t reckon with the other guy being much better at shoot-y style.  I don’t even think they always do this on purpose.  But regardless, they’re not doing Roman any favors...as usual.  He practically has to win, but I’m concerned they’re going to lose confidence in him over stuff that’s their own fault.

Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Emma vs. Nia Jax - Bliss’s Raw women’s title is on the line.  It’s every woman for herself, no count-outs or disqualifications, first wrestler to score a fall on anyone else is the winner and champion.  Bayley is a late addition after a shoulder injury removed her from a title match with Bliss at Summerslam.  You get the feeling they’re headed for Sasha vs. Bayley one of these days, but it’s hard to tell if they’re going there sooner rather than later.

It seems like this title is always a hot potato, so I guess the smart money is on Sasha winning the belt, then losing it three weeks later on Raw, then winning it back three weeks after that...

Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins vs. Sheamus & Cesaro - Ambrollins beat Shesaro last month to capture the Raw tag team championship, so this is the rematch.  Now that they’ve pulled the trigger on the Ambrose/Rollins reconciliation, we’re really just in a holding pattern until they decide whether to work Roman Reigns into the equation.  I don’t see the tag title changing hands until they’ve figured that out, so expect the champs to retain.

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt - Wyatt wanted to fight Balor’s “Demon King” bodypaint persona at Summerslam, and pretty much got his ass beat.  So now Wyatt is all like “well, you didn’t beat me, the paint did,” because I guess he’s literally a ten-year-old.  So now the stip is that Balor won’t be doing anything special to prove that paint doesn’t give him super powers.  Common sense would suggest Finn should just win again, but then again I don’t know where either of these guys would go from here, so maybe they’ll put Bray over just to prolong the feud.

The Miz vs. Jason Jordan - Jordan won a six-way match to earn this shot at Miz’s intercontinental championship.  This is the culmination of a storyline where somebody tried to blackmail general manager Kurt Angle about a secret lovechild, which turned out to be Jordan, and Miz kvetching that Angle gives Jordan special privileges.

The fans don’t buy Jordan as Angle’s son at all and see to be looking ahead to the inevitable plot point where Jordan turns heel and reveals it was all a scam.  That...kinda makes me think WWE will double down and move the title onto him.  Yeah, I can definitely see that happening.  Not sure if it’ll be here, though.  I’m thinking Jordan wins by DQ or count-out.

Neville vs. Enzo Amore - Neville’s cruiserweight title is on the line.  Amore has had a tough year, dogged by reports that he’s impossible to put up with backstage and that everybody wants nothing to do with him.  This has apparently led to him being moved to the cruiserweight division and a series of segments about letting everyone explain why he totally sucks.  I’m not on the Enzo Amore Defense Squad or anything, but I don’t find all this effort to make him twist in the wind satisfying either.  If he’s that bad, just fire him.  But they won’t, because they have to “prove” something, I guess.  A side effect of all that is I have zero expectation that Amore can possibly win this match, which means I’ll probably skip it, which is the opposite of the point of booking a match, but what do I know?

Apollo Crews vs. Elias - Wikipedia says this is booked for the pre-show.  I had no idea.  I suppose Elias will win.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

After Florida shooting, gun control becomes a global conversation

When you move to America from a country with more effective gun control laws, one of the first things you learn is how hard it is to talk to Americans — even on the sympathetic side of the political divide — about the gun issue. 

It was particularly difficult when I arrived on these shores in 1996, direct from living in Scotland during its (and Britain's) worst-ever school shooting. In the tiny town of Dunblane, a 43-year old former shopkeeper and scoutmaster brought four handguns to a school gymnasium full of five-year-olds. He shot and killed 16 of them and their teacher, then turned his handgun on himself.

SEE ALSO: These books will make you think differently about the gun control debate

After Dunblane, the British plunged into a state of collective mourning that was at least as widespread as the better-known grieving process for Princess Diana the following year. (Americans don't always believe that part, to which I usually say: the kids were five, for crying out loud. Five.)

In a country where nobody would dream of pulling public funding for studies into gun violence, the solution was amazingly rational and bipartisan. After a year, and an official inquiry into Dunblane, the Conservative government passed a sweeping piece of legislation restricting handguns. Then after Labour won the 1997 election, it passed another. Britain hasn't seen a school shooting since. (Same with Australia, which also passed major gun control legislation in 1996). 

But trying to talk about all that in America over the last two decades, I've learned from experience, has been like touching the proverbial third rail: only tourists would be dumb enough to try it. Even gun control advocates now think they're dealing with an intractable, generational problem. Many tell me that we need to tackle mental health services or gun fetishization in Hollywood movies first. The legislation route couldn't possibly be that easy, they say.

But what if it is that easy? What if the rest of the world also loves Hollywood action movies and has mental health problems, but manages to have fewer shootings simply because it has fewer guns available? What if the rest of the world has been shouting at America for years that gun control is less intractable than you think — you just have to vote in large numbers for the politicians that favor it, and keep doing so at every election? 

If that's the case, then perhaps some powerful, leveling international marketplace of ideas could help the U.S. see what everyone else has already seen. Something like social media. 

Time since last school shooting in: France: 335 days Canada: 754 days Australia: 5595 days UK: 8008 days America: 2 hours #Parkland #FloridaSchoolShooting

— Curtis 🇨🇦🌹 (@Curtissboyy) February 14, 2018

In one sense, Wednesday's massacre in Parkland, Florida — a school shooting as shocking and senseless as Dunblane —  was evidence that America was further away from a gun control solution than ever. In 1996, buying an AR-15 assault rifle was illegal under federal law. Now, in Florida and many other states, a 19-year old can walk into any gun store and walk out with this military-grade weapon of mass destruction. 

Yet anecdotally, I have noticed one glimmer of hope. Since the last American gun massacre that got everyone talking, there has been a small shift in the online conversation. It has become a little more global. The students of Parkland have been broadcasting to the world via social media, and the world is taking notice. 

There has only been one mass shooting In the uk since we passed our last major gun control laws in 1996 when there was a mass shooting at a school. The one mass shooting since (which was in 2010) was not at a school. So yes I’d say our way works a lot better than the American way

— Danny Allen (@NewTruegunner) February 16, 2018

I'm not suggesting some kind of slam-dunk situation where every American on Twitter and Facebook and Snapchat has an epiphany about gun control because they're more frequently interacting with people from other nations with different laws. 

But I am saying it's noticeably harder for pro-gun accounts to spread lies about the situation in other countries without people from those countries chiming in. 

≪Translated from Australian≫ Me: People are arguing it’s not the guns fault Mate: Isn’t this number 18 this year? Me: Yup Mate: How many for us this year? Me: Still none Mate: When was the last? Me: 1995? Mate: I think it might be the guns

— Drop Bear Gorgeous (@typoxia) February 15, 2018

Meanwhile, there is a mountain of evidence that Russian bots and troll accounts are attempting to hijack the online conversation using the same playbook from the 2016 elections — manufacture conflict to destabilize American discourse. That means taking the most trollishly pro-NRA position they can think of, in a bid to counteract the large majority of Americans who want sensible gun control. 

So the voices from other countries are chiming in just in time. If anything, we need more of them to balance out cynical foreign influence in a pro-gun direction. 

How effective gun control can happen

Twenty years of trying to have this debate in the U.S. have worn me down. As you might expect, I've been on the receiving end of a lot of Second Amendment-splaining from the pro-gun lobby. (Yep, I'm very familiar with the two centuries of debate over the militia clause, thanks.) I've been told I didn't understand the power of the NRA (which, again, I'm quite familiar with: the organization supported sensible gun restrictions until it was radicalized in 1977).

I've heard every argument you could imagine: the notion that British police must now be lording it over the poor defenseless population; the blinkered insistence that there must have been a rise in crime with illegal guns and legal knives now all the good people with guns have been taken out of the equation. (Violent crime is still too high in the UK, but it is a fraction of America's total — and has declined significantly since 1996.) 

I no longer have the dream that a UK-Australia-style handgun ban would work here. There are as many as 300 million firearms in private hands, according to a 2012 Congressional estimate; even though most of them are concentrated in the hands of a small percentage of owners, it's simply impractical to talk about removing a significant percentage of them from the equation. 

But if anything, I'm more aware of creative legal solutions: laws that require gun insurance the way we require car insurance, or tax ammunition, or hold manufacturers responsible for gun deaths. I've seen my adopted state of California implement some of the toughest gun laws in the nation, laws that just went into effect. The fight to prevent future massacres is just getting started.

And any time you want to talk about how it can happen, the rest of a shrinking world is listening — and ready to talk.