#but in between all those better drawings theres a lot of much worse ones

[mackenziehowler]

A small summary of my art throughout the years, a single important piece from each year!

06.01.2024 - Discovering much more minimalistic style. Crazy how everything changed over time

06.03.2023 - much more loose style with no perfect lineart

21.03.2022 - first piece in clip studio paint and a first take on a bit more painterly style. Important development even tho it went nowhere for a long time.

12.12.2021 - First Major Success with anthro character

13.11.2020 - First Major Success, I got through several different pieces to get to this one.

28.04.2019 - I discovered vector lines in pohotoshop

20.04.2018 - my first digital drawing and the beginning of this great journey...

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[golbrocklovely]

Dude when she cursed at the chat after she cursed at one person i was like 🤦🏼. I just knew it was going to blow up, and the mods were divided between telling her to chill and defending her before they put it on emote only. She's a public figure technically, and yeah it sucks to see people coming at you but its way worse to react that way you know because even if they are not fans, they still know who she is and its not a good look. Imagine if JC went on her stream and got mad and went off, her chat would react the same. People kept commenting how much they loved Franny and Nezzas facial expressions because you could tell they were over it & JC laughed and said he noticed that and loved Frannys expressions. A simple trivia stream or a cooking stream would be good for Tara but this.... to literally stall, change the rules,curse, and complain is not a good look. If it wasnt the 'Im a vegetarian' comment she said "Im going to throw up", "I need my inhaler", "I have dinner with Jake after i cant drink" like girl theres saying "I cant handle this challenge please let me do something else" & saying she's up for anything but when it comes to she complains and throws a fit. Thing is Jazmin also annoyed people because she kept trying to negotiate but she also did the challenges like ate wet dog food, and let JC draw on her with a sharpie eventhough she had a date right after..

Me too, i expect this from her, she's done so many lives and said stuff thats made me side eye her like the sugar surgery stream, her comments on how it was okay to party on and off during the pandemic, and JCs streams to where im like 1000% positive if i were ever to meet her i would not mesh well with her energy. I cant handle people like that. Plus JC is literally a very nice guy and even if he kids a lot and takes that type of treatment doesnt mean he deserves it.

i know these aren't all the same ppl, but i figured since you all were talking about tara, i'd put them all together :)

1st ask: yeah, i don't exactly love the fact that she cursed at his chat, regardless of what they were saying back to her (as long as they weren't being threatening towards her, which i don't think they were). not to mention this is someone else's fanbase; don't be mean to them bc you feel like they don't like you for not playing the game that you said you would play.

and yeah those suggestions for streams would be good with tara.

and no offense to jc, but like... this whole stream doesn't sound fun the way you guys are talking about it haha (i mean, i figure it probs was to some degree). but i get complaining about the challenges bc they are weird or hard. but there does come a point when you gotta shit or get off the pot, you know?

i know we've talked about the sugar stream before. i don't think anything was wrong with that stream, and i don't really wanna talk about it since it's an old discussion. but i get not liking tara for whatever reason.

i do wanna say tho, that is jc allows her to treat him like that, that's his own prerogative, and if he can't stand up to her, that's his own shit to deal with. not for us to assume.

2nd ask: i think she does well on her own lives bc it's her fanbase and she knows how to interact with them. i also think with her own fanbase, she knows the demo is relatively young. so cursing or being vulgar probs isn't the way to go. vs jc's fanbase, who are more young adult-ish, it's easier for her to let loose and curse and be an adult, which she is lol

and i get the spit takes and whatnot. i think she was probs just being a bit dramatic bc she was uncomfortable.

3rd ask: i obviously don't know how she brought up her severe asthma and whatnot, so i can't really comment on it. obviously, you can be upset since you have it if you think she's lying or up-playing the asthma she has. maybe she meant that she didn't bring her inhaler with her in front of the stream bc it was in her bag somewhere else in the house? again, not sure of the context in which she said it. but maybe that's what she meant.

and i still feel like, the way you guys are describing it, she should have just been there for moral support. but maybe she assumed jc would tone down the challenges or make them super easy. idk of course.

i also feel like, in general, that maybe tara acted the way she did bc she wasn't in a good mood, for whatever reason. that doesn't give her the right to curse and yell at jc's stream, but it might explain her actions a bit better to know that maybe she wasn't really in the best headspace.

[autumn-foxfire]

Ah i think u hit nail in the head why im not super comfy with most of these post war dabihawks potreyals

Even those that have hawks forgive dabi instead of hawks being the one to apologize usually leave hawks wingless. Like scar is one thing but his wings really..hit different especially cuz a lot of fans are still rabid on 'hawks should lose his wings as punishment'. It feels like theses aus are punishing hawks while also having him forgive dabi so they really make it feel like dabi is getting off scot free while hawks is left without two limbs and two major sensory organs but its ok he forgives dabi.

Like i like dabihawks its prime angst material and i dont mind complete aus that let them just be happy cuz thats what aus are for. But if you are going to write or draw something canon divergent you need to do a lot more work cuz u need to base your work on canon. Like that is the exact reason why i like writing aus better than canon divergence even if i like reading both. With canon divergence you really need to know your stuff and it can be stressful to try n keep everything in order while also executing your own story. Thats why canon divergence that just skips to fluff is so jarring, theres no narrative mid section they just tell u 'suspend your disbelief' but thats v hard when where canon left off and where the work is picking up from are so tonaly different you really need a bridge between the two or it just doesnt work. Enemies to lovers is a fun trope but it does expect work from you if you wanna follow canon, to tell us how they got from enemies to begrudging respect to allies to frienda to lovers. But most ppl just want the short version and in cases like dabihawks it just really doesnt work.

Like im always reminded of shizaya and how every work ive ever read of them that was anyway canon compliant (n most aus) still had that tension between them, made it clear they have a lot to work on, worked on that, acknowledge they can still be toxic to each other and that not everything was sunshine and rainbows. They fought they argued it was nasty and it was messy and thats what made me think ye this is how their reletionship would be in canon.

Dabihawks just seems to jump from dabi burning hawks alive to they are all good n happy guys uwu. And its so jarring cuz no they wouldnt be, this reletionship would take A Lot of work to salvage, a lot of trust from hawks and a lot of willingness from dabi to change and do better. It just seems that most works i see simply skip the meat of the reletionship to get to dessert and its just not as fufiling as a full meal

Exactly.

Hawks is punished for his “crimes” meanwhile Dabi, who has committed far more atrocieties then Hawks gets away with his (actual) crimes scot free and even get a boyfriend and a family out of it.

It’s just too unrealistic for me to believe, even with me trying to suspend my disbelief considering it’s a crack enemies to lovers pairing.

As you said, AUs are something I can understand people going wild in because they are the purpose of them however if you’re going to write a work that is based on canon, even if it has canon divergence it it, you at least have to try and follow the guidelines already laid bare for you by canon. As you said, you can’t just eat a starter then jump straight into the dessert, you need to have the main course in between and canon compliant enemies to lovers ships are the same. You need to have that main, the part that explores all the ugly parts of their relationship and how they heal from it before you can jump into the fluff.

Also, if you’re going to hold Hawks to a standard in your work, hold Dabi to the same standard. Hawks gets punished so severely for his actions? Then Dabi, who has done so much worse should be punished even more. It’s not fair that Hawks is just used to make Dabi look better and be their to “forgive” him for his horrible actions.

Shizaya fics have really spoiled me on this because as you said, most stories do explore the ugliness, the “enemy” part in the pairing and how they learn to deal with that and change before diving into the fluff. Also, most stories focus on both of their trauma too, neither forgiving or completely condemning them either. Meanwhile, many Dabihawks stories leave me feeling disappointed because it’s usually stories that fluff Dabi up or just pure fluff with no clue of how they got to that point.

Of course, if that floats your boat then all the power to you, but it’s just no my cup of tea when it comes to enemies to lovers.

[bts7writings]

BTS Reaction When You Have Philophobia (Fear of Love)

A/N - I looked into the phobia and since there were 7 common symptoms, I thought i’d be better to give one each to the member and see their reactions towards that. Hope you enjoy it!!!!!

JIN

feelings of intense fear or panic

You freeze up sometimes, while other times you start having a panic attack and  they only way to stop is to start counting the number of tiles on the floor. Falling in love with Jin was gentle enough that he noticed those little things.

He noticed how you try suppressing your anxiety when you walked together by clenching your jaw or when you try shaking away the fear by tapping your fingers when he gets closer to you. You try so hard to suppress it and he doesn't want to bring it up, but when you start blinking away tears when you start to smile too much he has to.

“Tell me,“ His thumb gently passes over your cheek as both of his hands cup your face, “Does it hurt?“

“You probably think I’m depressing,“ you sniffle, “always finding something wrong or bad or thinking the worst or-“

“I think it’s a little bit different - yes” He smiles and leans his face closer so that you'd look him in the eyes, “But we’re here fo each-other and you probably think I’m too happy and easy-going and goofy-” he stops when he sees you roll your eyes and smile. He leans into kiss you softly “You need to tell me your fears and I’ll tell you mine, but that doesn't mean they’ll happen. Fears don’t come to life unless they happen and I’m trying my best to not let them happen”

SUGA

avoidance

It’s been a week and you feel like an idiot for hanging up on him after he confessed just how much he loves you. You knew that the right and sane thing to do was to call him back and say the L word back and then everything goes back to normal, but every fiber of your being clenches tightly whenever you even think about calling or going to his studio.

It wasn't a coincidence when Hoseok suggest you try this new coffee place down the street. it wasn't a coincidence that he was there - headphones half on, hooded eye, bottom lip captured on his teeth. It wasn't a coincidence that you sat down next to him waiting for him to finish his current project.

“I figured I’d give you space” he said after a while of silence, refusing to look up from his computer. “Its...I know it’s not easy for you.”

You sip your drink, careful to think about what you want to happen and what you don’t want to happen and what you cant let happen.

“Do you want me here?” Your eyes snap up to his, they looked tired.

“Ye-”

“No, I mean here here.” He closed his laptop, trying to lean in a bit closer. “As in even if you're hiding from me, you don’t want me to stop trying to find you type of here.”

“Thats a pretty long explanation of here“ you try to joke you way out of it.

He doesn't smile, “Y/N.“

“I want you here - I do, but...”The hairs on the back of your neck are pulling you to try and make a run for it, “I can’t say it back, yoongi. I want you here, but i can’t say it back.”

“I didn't ask you to say it back.” He carefully reaches over his work - trying to feel if your pulse raises higher than usual, “You want me here and I want to be here.”

He’d chide you for not telling him about it sooner, “I have to right to know that the person i love is afraid of love” - he’d say. The truthfully harsh words would always get accompanied by a small caress or kiss on the top of the head. For someone who has mastered hiding themselves and their feelings - he had great ways of getting them out of you and when you needed your headspace he’d be more than happy to rent out a studio or give you his empty apartment, just as long as you where avoiding and hiding with him knowing.

RM

sweating

You try distancing yourself from Namjoon. He always insisted on you leaning against him when watching a movie - instead of moving to another - further - seat. It would be great, unless you didn't have this hypersensitivity to this specific form of affection.

Your sweat glands started to produce wherever there was covered skin.

He comes back and before you can see what he went to get in such a rush, he puts both of his hands on your cheeks.Your elbows shrugged in surprise from the coolness that was placed on your checks. He kept his hand over the ice packets on your checks, never once showing his discomfort.

“I know its kinda hot in here” liar - you roll your eyes, the windows were fully open.

“I’m not making it better, am I?” He lets go of one icepack in order to come your hair out of your face.

Once you explain in a excruciating embarrassing matter, he just takes your hand and starts drawing on any vein he can find, easing in the silence between the two of you. He wont pressure you to talk about it and wont even try to ask unless you're open to the idea of discussing it - all he wants is to see you better because if he feels amazingly happy from loving you - he wants you to feel the same.

JHOPE

rapid heartbeat

“It’s okay” He shushes you as you try and shake your head - its not okay. “Come here.”

When he finds out about your certain episodes where you fear the feeling that is consuming both of you - he uses an exposure method. Over-flooding you with the love you deserve until you can accept it without having the fear of it going away or being lessened.

His hand goes to the back of your head, pressing your ear to his own chest. “It’s okay.” His other hands goes calmly up and down your back trying to smooth out your small shiver. “It’s okay, hear my heartbeat - its normal to feel it out of your chest” He hums carefully leaning into a more comfortable position, “I love you and my heart beats out of my chest whenever you appear because I love you - I’m okay, you're okay, we’re okay.”

JIMIN

difficulty breathing

Your throat closed up again and you stare out at Jimin as you feel a distance between the two of you. He casually says the word love to the other members, to the staff, even to the sun, but when it came to you things were different.

You couldn't say it back, even if he is the literally embodiment of what love is. You take a deep breath, trying to not be faltered by the feeling of pure love coming into you as you watch him practice his choreography.

He asked you to accompany him to the studio, since the other members were busy and he needed someone to help him. The air that you take in becomes lighter and useless to your lungs as it demands more, but pushed out everything.

Your breathing becomes erratic and forced, so much so that one side of your head starts to hurt. You give one last glance to Jimin before making your way to the hall 

“Are you okay?” You hear from the outside of the door, “I lowered the temperature in the room again to make sure you don’t get too hot, maybe-”

You open the door and give a half-smile to him - you know that if you didn't come out he’ll find someway of going into the girls bathroom.

His eyes widen as he sees how flushed and out of breathe you are, “Don’t.... lower the.... temperature, you’ll get.... sick.”

“O-okay,“ His hands go to cup yours that are on your side. He pulls them over your head and leans in carefully so theres little to no room separating the two of you, “This usually helps me when I’m breathing too hard.”

When you explain to him carefully why the hyperventilating might get better or worse with time; his smile is gone because he wont fully get it, his eyebrows are pulled to crease in-between because he’s going to try and get it, and his hands remain on yours because he needs you to get that he’s not letting them go.

V

difficulty functioning

You’ve been reading the same line over the past thirty minutes. At first you think it’s your actually lack of interest for the article assigned, but now you start to notice that it has to do a lot with Taehyung’s very strong presence.

“I can’t concentrate” you admit, gathering up your books to begin packing. He quickly stares up from his phone when he sees you moving.

Taking out on an air-pod, his pouting whines go “I didn't do anything! Why are you leaving?”

The domestic bliss of all of this makes you more uncomfortable then blissful and that has nothing to do with the fact that you might be in love with this scenario and the guy thats here.

You open your mouth to answer, but theres nothing you can really say.

“You don’t like me, do you?“ He scoffs, mostly to himself, but you see how your sudden urge to always leave the room when he’s there might have translated wrongly. Your panic of him thinking you don’t like him overcomes the panic of you thinking you do like him.

“N-no“ He looks up to you, he just loves making uncomfortable eye contact. “I just cant concentrate and focus properly when you’re around, its not that i don’t like you - its that I do like you and you’re smiling right now so I’m just going to leave“

“I’ll leave you to collect yourself“ his smile widens as the tint of your cheeks change and the corner of your lips turn downwards, “So i’ll be behind the door when you’re done with your work.“

He doesn't think much of it at first, not really sure if he could even help. He’d try to even suggest not dating as a form to make you more comfortable, but he’d end up just hating himself for even suggesting that. All he wants to do is assure you that the fear is something that you both have to work on.

JUNGKOOK

nausea

“So are you’re afraid to love me or are you afraid of loving me?” He chooses his words wisely, but he knows that whatever you answer its going to take him a good minute to digest what it means. When you don’t know how to respond, he just casually nods. “Just because I confessed to you doesn't mean I expected a responds back, but I don’t know how to respond to this” he answers honestly.

“I just want you to know that loving me isn't ideal - its not easy-” you stop your sentence when he stares back at you, half angered, “I’m sorry”

His gaze softens when he realizes his must have looked angry, “No - don’t apologize. I don’t love you because it’s easy or ideal. I love you in-spite of all of that” he half-jokes, “I’m just confused, what do you mean you’re afraid of it?”

“I mean every-time you look at me, i feel amazing for one second and then the next i feel like i want to throw up from the amount of fear that goes into loving a person.“ He sits down and motions you to sit on his lap, which you do since arguing with him on it would be counterproductive, “I mean i don’t want you to be annoyed and angry because I know i can be difficult and i know some girls would be easier to love and you can have a perfect-”

His lips go on your temple and he starts to hum deeply so you’d quiet down. after a while of silence he leans out and puts his hand on your lap. “I know...I know loving someone else is easier because they wont loose their appetite from laughing too much and they wont hesitate every-time my hand reaches out - I know.” He leans in to kiss your temple again, “But they wont be you” 

requested by @yoongisbabygirl93​ 

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[philosophiums]

about the tentative andreil prompt suggestions i took some from the hozier prompt generator that can hopefully be ambiguous enough to inspire something because your writing takes my heart and pushes it through a meat grinder

thank you so much i scrambled to write something for “i’ll crawl home” and incorporated a bit of “innocence died screaming” as well

There’s something about the steady drip and pull of an open wound that makes Neil feel twelve years old again. He’s not sure if that’s a bad thing; he seemed to have better survival instincts as a twelve year old, but he was also still so afraid of every little rush of noise in the dark, waiting for the ax-wielding boogeyman to gut him, until sometimes he was too afraid to even breathe. He’s not afraid anymore, but he’s also bleeding, so....

Maybe personal growth lends itself to stupidity. Or maybe he’s always been stupid. That’s what Andrew would say, at least.

Neil wobbles his feet under himself, as unsure of his legs as a newborn fawn and as eager to get up as one, too. On the ground he’s an easy target, but if he’s on his feet he can run - should run - away, but he’s without his mother’s encouragement hissing in his ear, using fear and pain to make him move faster, always walking that tightrope of pushing him too far and keeping him alive. He sways when he’s upright but manages to keep his balance, one hand covering the wound and the other braced out to catch himself if he does fall.

He’s been here before, as a boy named Blake. He was too young to really understand how to fit into a disguise, so he looked more like an impressionist painting of a pre-teen boy with blonde hair and grey eyes and too much leg to know what to do with - all the pieces were there, but they didn’t seem to know what to do with each other. He wasn’t a cohesive person, bits of Nathaniel and his other disguises always leaking around the seems. He was constantly drawing more attention to himself than he was diverting gazes, and it drove his mother mad. But he was so easily spooked back then that it was harder to get the drop on him. Somehow, people still managed.

Neil takes a step forward, remembering how to steady himself through a pooling stab wound, his body picking up muscle memory that Neil has let himself forget in his new life. He winces, wondering for the first time if there really is a heaven or something similar and if his mother has gained a favor from whoever’s in charge, because this seems like just the type of thing she could be behind to knock sense into him, even if she’s years late to make a difference or change his mind.

When he was Blake, fearful and bleeding and screaming in a damp narrow alley in Lyon, made into a horror hall by the faded lamplight of the world after midnight, he had thought something similar. He never found out if the stabbing then was arranged by his mother - a cruel way to make her son realize just how serious this was - but neither of his attackers died, and he was left shaking and crying in that alley for over an hour before his mother collected him and stitched him up in their hotel room.

It’s not as bad now, as Neil. He can move. He’s older. He’s been hurt enough times that he knows what the tipping point between bad and needs the hospital feels like, and he’s not there yet. It’s just a lot of blood, he thinks, and more pain than he’s felt since his father died. He balls up the loose material of his oversized running shirt and presses the bunch into his wound - a move that exposes some of his scars, but those are a little more acceptable in polite society than a lot of blood.

He retraces his running route - walking, this time - until he finds himself at home. He has to let go of the wound to fish his keys from his pocket, and blood trickles past his waistband to the floor. “Andrew,” he calls, plugging up the wound again and bottling up his ghosts as he closes the door behind him.

Andrew appears when Neil’s in the middle of taking off his shoes, and either Andrew’s getting worse about hiding his feelings, or Neil’s getting a bit smarter about reading him, because worry and panic spill out of Andrew like too much fizz from a shaken can of Coke - it makes the floor sticky with feeling, and Neil can’t move as Andrew comes closer, ripping the bunched-up shirt from his hands to get a good look at the wound.

“Why didn’t you call?” Andrew asks, tense, which is miles better than hollow or angry. Neil blinks, and the weight of his cellphone in his pocket suddenly unavoidable. A lifeline that used to be a death sentence. He’d entirely forgotten it was there, because when he was Blake, when he was bleeding out in a forgotten alley in France, he had had nothing. There was no phone, no Andrew, just a mother who had told him to stay and then disappeared. Andrew’s face tightens as if Neil had spoken that memory out loud, but Neil knows he doesn’t need to - his life before Andrew was just surviving one tragedy after another, knowing that one day it would be a similar tragedy that would kill him. “You’re an idiot,” Andrew says, and that’s becoming more clearly true the longer Neil stays alive.

They improvise their way to the bathroom, both of them holding onto the wound, tight like they don’t want it to escape. Andrew sits Neil down on the closed lid of the toilet and discards Neil’s shirt in the bathtub. He’s a force of nature - a firm gust of wind and the inescapable weight of a landslide - but he’s not sharp or sudden like Mary used to be.

Years ago, Andrew asked Aaron to teach him how to stitch up a wound. Years ago, Neil taught Andrew how to determine which wounds need a professional and which ones aren’t worth the medical debt. It’s about depth, and whether the edge of the wound is jagged, and whether the bleeding looks like a popped water balloon or a leaking garden hose. Andrew digs out the first aide kit, and Neil settles in.

“I was just running,” he says, because Andrew looks like he wants answers but isn’t sure how to get them without choking them into the open.

“Be more honest,” Andrew says, because he knows that Neil doesn’t lie to him anymore, but sometimes the whole truth hides in the back of his throat until it’s too late to be relevant.

“Okay.” Neil braces for the first push of the needle and grunts through it, eyes up at the ceiling, knuckles white on the counter and the crease of his shorts. Years ago, Andrew asked about a numbing agent, and Neil told him the pain of the shot wasn’t worth the relief that came later, that vodka is a good enough substitute. Too bad Kevin drank their last bottle Tuesday night. “I interrupted a fight. Thought I had a better chance than the kid they were beating up.” He’s always been a martyr for the people important to him, but Andrew’s influence has deepened his pool - especially for kids.

Andrew doesn’t stop stitching. The wound should only need four knots. “You’ve gotten slow.”

“Didn’t see it.”

“That’s what I mean.”

Neil hums, even though his wound really doesn’t want him to. Andrew’s right, of course; Neil doesn’t notice things about people as quickly anymore, because his life is no longer a broken bird cradled in his hands. He can live and be as normal as his past and his nightmares and his mild fame allow him, without having to look over his shoulders and be ready to drop his persona at any moment. He’s let his survival instincts slough off like a shedded skin, and replaced them with birthdays and anniversaries, with his family’s favorite foods, with directions to the five nearest exy courts.

“Is that really such a bad thing?” he asks, looking down at Andrew’s fingers, at the blood and the thread and the bold lack of armbands.

Andrew cuts the thread and meets his gaze, as solid and fierce as the first time Andrew put his fist through a window and promised to keep Neil safe. “It is if you’re going to keep running into every knife held out at you.” Which means no, but be more careful.

Neil smiles, slow and lazy from the pain, still wishing he was even a little drunk right now. “Will you go buy me some vodka when you’re done?” he asks as Andrew gets to his feet and pulls Neil with him.

“Go buy it yourself.” Which means yes.

Which means he’s home.

[tumblunni]

Why is gyan amakano so cute. It should be illegal. I hate how he has such a huggable design and then his character is totally wasted on being half super evil jerkman half Every Fat Stereotype Simultaneously. Like seriously how did this even HAPPEN

Artist: ok so ive drawn this round softman in a cute lil fancy tuxedo who always carries lollipops in his back pocket

Writers: ah yes, the perfect Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Or like..

Writers: we need an Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Artist: dont worry bro i got ya *draws a big circle with a happy face*

Or of course theres the alternative universe where nobody involved in this project ever noticed that this character design looks fuckin precious, but i dont want to live in that world

And then he's only in!! Two episodes!! And theyre so weird and not great!! Its like they kept changing their mind whether he was meant to be funny or scary. Goes from "ha ha a fat man enjoys cookies" to "he literally wants to make cannibal cookies out of humans" to "but ha ha look he's cosplaying as the genie from aladdin, lets go back to laughs now".

And also they made him be a huge jerk to Are Bacchino and that pisses me off!! Its already a bit shitty that they made a character whose entire "joke" is that he has ocd/germaphobia and its meant to be funny? Somehow? That he has this mental illness? And is frequently exposed to stuff that terrifies him?? Funny how???? But then theres a really rather disturbing montage of Gyan punishing his sidekick by straight up triggering his phobia and YIKES MAN sorry thats even more evil than the cannibalism! Also why was it drawn all overly detailed and Saw-esque?? Why did we need so much art effort put into showing dirty feet and a guy being forced to stick his hand in a shit filled toilet. Was this someone's goddamn fetish or something???

So yeah. Upset.

U P S E T T I. R E G R E T T I.

I'm so mad they wasted a cool character deisgn and cool concept on such a shitty execution. Like even the plot could have been cool? They could have got a lot more episodes out of the idea of these two runnibg thru fairytale books and cosplaying as different classic villains. And if theyd just made a damn decision and gone with either funny cute or scary bad then it could have worked! Personally i am voting for funnycute obv course. But also thatd work best with this plot, it would have been better if it was just a low stakes goofy adventure with something like "oh this dude wants to find the legendary magic wish thingie to wish for a lifetime supply of chocolate and our heroes wanna wish for something actually important so thats why they fight". Could have even added some drama cos like he doesnt know the thing is actually dangerous and then what if he ends up possessed by it and you still get a fight with him thats pretty high stakes without having this weird inconsistant personality thing. Could be quite a dramatic twist to suddenly have comedy villain man as a genuine threat! Ans could be a way to resolve it all with friendship cos you could have Are Bacchino teaming up with the heroes to save his boss and then Gyan is like "whoa i guess you guys were 100% right all along" when he gets saved from his own bigass mistake and all. And then THE GAMES COULD ACTUALLY MAKE HIM PLAYABLE PERHAPS, JUST SAYIN

Also PLEASE rewrite like every single thing about the relationship between the two of them. Please take whoever said "yeah gyan should outright torture his one and only friend with a messed up Saw movie ocd-triggering machine" and throw them out the window. Consider this: what if..they were actually...friend. Like i feel they'd have enough comedy potential already just from being a "rival mafia" thats literally two people who are ludocrously incompetant at everything they do and only ever succeed at (literally) stealing candy from babies. Play up that side of things more! No need to throw random super evil shit at the funnymen to make them seem more intimidating, theyre at their best when theyre not intimidating at all. And you could still have the same gag of the fairytale world forms always being Gyan as some sort of classic villain and Are as a talking carpet or whatever, like just say thats how the magic works instead of Gyan doing it on purpose to be a jerk. And you could even still have Are being the funny underdog just from sheer bad luck instead of being purpisely mistreated by every single character in the entire cast. Or have it that Gyan is just a bit of a bumbling idiot boss who doesnt notice his mistakes and Are is like the hypercompetant sidekick who always ends up taking the consequences of those mistakes because he's like an overportective bodyguard. Which could also be a way to establish some cute friendship moments! Like i dunno someone's about to throw a pie at Gyan and Are does an overdramatic diving save and a whole fake death scene from the sheer horror of getting banana cream frosting on his suit. "Boss...go on without me..." *cough choke* And Gyan is like *equally overdramatic tears* "He made the ultimate sacrifice! I will avenge him!!" *charges forward to fight the heroes and just gets easily beat up like usual* And then its like *even more continually dramatic narration* "and the boss was beaten and bruised, but he carried me for miles through wind and storm" *over footage of like ridiculously impossible heroic adventures thay clearly didnt happen* And then it just cuts to the two of them sitting at like...ye olde fantasy laundromat. Are sobbing like "oh boss i'll never forget this" and Gyan is just like *thought bubble* "i wish i got to eat that pie tho"

I dunno maybe im naive but i just think shows are generally more fun when characters actually like each other and have motivations beyond self interest. Obvipusly not EVERY character has to be like that, but nobody is ever kind at all in the damn anime whether theyre villain or hero. And also specifically these sorts of minor role villains can benefit a lot from being fleshed out this way to become way more memorable! Like gin and kin became way better in Psychic Specters when they got the added trait of loving and cherishing their little brother. (To the point of it being a literal battle power that made their horribly hard boss fight even worse, lol!)

Also just...plz dont make a man so cute if hes meant to be big badness. Like seriously Are looks scarier than him and Are is like the least scary man to ever have those scary ass eyes! Smol depressed man with ocd and tol round lollipops friendo. I WANT TO LOVE THEM

Im gonna just cross my arms and sit here stubbornly hoping for The Anime/Game Effect to kick in. Like 99% of all characters in the anime are jerks and even when anime originals end up cameoing in the games they tend to become generally nicer and more well developed as people. So fingers crossed for a yw4 appearance thats full cute and 0% cannibalism!!!

Seriously fuckin.. CANNIBALISM

Why does the anime do that so much as a "funny" "joke"? The episode where Jerry murders a sentient dessert yokai in graphic gory detail still haunts me. "Ha ha its funny because technically theres no blood so we can show her gasping for breath with a hole in her lungs as a man eats her corpse" Did they put the entire budget into that one death animation??? Oh no cos they saved at least a little of it for the Herbiboy Gets Murdered By A Lawnmower episode T_T

Anime why u be this way.

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

CHATS: More Dumpsters, More Fires 1

#1 - This is my oldest chat recorded between Anna and Jo, and I believe it is after the Grey+Anna Alleyway scene and the Ruby+Anna hospital scene

<Anna> *several voice mails asking for a Jo Harvelle on the behalf of an Anna Milton a patient at _______ hospital*

<Jo> *Kicking and swearing, Jo takes a few minutes to consider just not going before heading out to the car and driving towards where the messages say, glad it’s not five states away or something. When she gets there theres talk about her having selfharmed in the hospital as well as the state she was found in. Asking for some privacy, Jo slips into the room* “What the fuck did you do?”

<Anna> *Anna’s still groggy from surgery, a stab wound to abdomen and the best words the doctors could describe it was mutitaltion to the ankle. She blinks at Jo, padded cuffs around her wrists.* “Jo..” *Before Anna can say anything else a doctor comes in explaining that she was found on the streets unresponsive and then after she was brought in she went through the medical supplies, two scalpels found*

<Jo> *Jo nods along looking between Anna and where the medical supplies were, looking unimpressed before following the normal dance with doctors, nodding and making the appropriate sincere faces and distressed looks before going to the other woman’s side and touching just above her wrist like a concerned friend should as they talked before the doctor left at a page* “Hey Anna. So.. what happened?”

<Anna> *Anna’s eyes follow the doctor as he walks out and she looks at Jo. She’s drugged good, between pain meds and others to keep her calm she just swallows several times before answering* “Didn’t do this, please believe me..please..”

<Jo> “Never thought you’d be fucked up enough to.” *Jo sighs, hooking her foot around the leg of a visiting chair and sitting down* “Who did?”

<Anna> “Ruby..” *Anna tries to lift her head up but she doesn’t get very far as the motion makes her sick.* “Thought she would kill me..”

<Jo> *Giving a look around, Jo stands up again drawing the curtain and closing the blinds before coming back to the bed and working on Anna’s wrist bands* “Let me guess, you’d somehow gotten yourself stuck in here with whatever fainting spell you had and then Ruby came for a little revenge.”

<Anna> *Anna just nods afraid to mention anything about Grey just yet, she doens’t want Jo to get pissed off and leave her hear.* “Thought, she kill me, Crowley couldn’t get to anyone, Gray could kill her..everyone better off.”

<Jo> “Bullshit. That dickhead would go insane or completely crumple, nodboy would be better off in either of those situations.” *Jo tries to keep her tone lighter than the subject needed, knowing it would probably work best to avoid thinking about just how serious Anna’s words really were* “Nothing good comes from dying, I know first hand from both sides of the coin.”

<Anna> “Your death gave them reason to keep fighting.” *The cuffs being removed was something simple but it made her feel better, helped the anxiety, or maybe it was the drugs, she couldn’t tell.*  "Always the one people will fight for, better of us.“

<Jo> "Yeah yeah, you believe that if you wish. Everyone would have fought anyway, and having people die doesn’t make anyone better off.” *Waving off the comments, Jo sits back down in her chair, leaning forward, elbows resting on her knees as she look down towards Anna’s feet and raising an eyebrow at the other one* “So, if Ruby did all the big bad injuries, what landed you here in the first place?”

<Anna> *Anna’s numb from the knee down, a local block given, she’s not aware of the thick bandages covering leg from the knee down and the split keeping her ankle still. They hadn’t actually operated on it, wanting to call in a specialist with so much damage done to the tendons and nerves.* “I don’t remember..” *Anna bites her lip, wincing as she feels one of the busted spots crack open*

<Jo> “You were found unconcious just lying in an alleyway, that doesn’t sound like something normal for you Anna - though who knows, you’ve changed a fair bit recently.” *Still looking at the comparratively small amount of injury to one foot compared to the almost mumified existance of the other, Jo raises an eyebrow as she wonders just what Ruby did* “If you tell me nicely, I’ll actually get you out rather than just sweet talk you to being transfered back to Duluth.”

<Anna> “May have passed out from not eating, felt weak and dizzy..” *Anna lies, Jo will find the truth out later but she doesn’t want her to leave her or have her transfered somewhere else*

<Jo> “That the truth?” *Jo sighs, figuring that the food thing was partly her own fault if that was the case and swallows down a lump in her throat before pinning Anna with a look*

<Anna> *Anna looks away, it’s the medication she tells herself, that’s whats wrong as she feels herself close to crying under Jo’s look.* “Rest..may have been Grey, doesn’t see me as human but not worth killing..”

<Jo> *Blinking in disbelief for a second, Jo slaps a hand to her forehead before moving away, ducking out int the corridor for a few minutes before coming back in wheeling a wheelchair* “When we get back to Duluth I’ll call your brother to come and fix you, you just keep talking while I help get you changed. What the fuck happened in that alley, Anna?” *Jo starts pulling out spare clothes from her bag*

<Anna> “Ran into him, ran my mouth, exchanged insults, who was the worst.” *Anna laugh some as Jo helps her into a shirt, and she blinks seeing herself as she’s raised up, her middle hurts now that she’s moving.* “I bring out the worst in everyone.”

<Jo> “Didnt bring any skirts, so you’re going to have to wear a shirt across your lap like its a skirt until we get to the car.” *Jo mumbles under her breath, tugging her own shirt off as it might actuall pass a a hideous skirt and pulls on the shirt of Anna’s folded up nearby before shoving the others jeans in her bag and giving Anna an almost pissed off look* “You upset him enough he almost drained you? /What were you thinking?!/”

<Anna> *Anna whimpers as Jo puts her in the wheelchair, reaching over and pulling out the IV from her arm* “I was thinking if Gray had someone to kill for my death he would eventually move on instead of if I killed myself.”

<Jo> “And trying to set him on his brother is a real smart idea, given he got a taste of what you got the last time he came too close.” *Jo  literally wants to hit her head at Anna’s thinking, though getting her into the chair was hard enough and figuring out how to get her out of the hospital was going to be just as tricky with the white bandages* “Your dying, in any way, isnt going to save him Anna.”

<Anna> “You’ve said this..and what other time? I haven’t seen Gray in nearly a week. I took off after I trapped Ruby, hoping Crowley would take her as a peace offering..didn’t work it seems.”  *Anna holds up her arm so Jo can cut the bracelet off* “Maybe they will think I’ve been released or just going out for air..”

<Jo> “Nothing Anna. Its nothing. And that is a fucking inteligent move there you know, trap a demon and hope its a benefit. Especially when one of them is working /with/ the rest of us to get rid of Master Asshole.” *Jo cuts the wrist band off quickly, slinging her bag over her back and starts at a sedate pace towards the enterance, noticing the name of a different woman whose family was crowded around her, packing her bags as she’s obviously meaning to be discharged hoping to get there long before the others* “We’ll see.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything as they walk out, the nurses busy helping the other woman. Going over after care and instructions while unhooking her from the monitors and fluids. They get to the elevator and as they go down Anna sags, letting out a breath. “I’m sorry..”

<Jo> *Jo gives a small snort, figuring that if nothing else the way Anna was almost drained and still out of it there was going to be some sort of fun come getting back to Duluth and her obviously missing monster* “What for? Your sheer idiocy? The fact you provoked my.. Grey to that sort of point? Or that I had to be the one to drive all this way to get you?”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs weakly as they go out to the parking lot, feeling better out of the hospital.* “For not changing my contact infromation?”

<Jo> “Don’t bother, I think it’s safer for everyone if I get the calls really.” *Jo shakes her head pushing the chair quickly as possible, not really caring about jolting it, across the carpark towards the back section where her cars parked* “What did you end up saying that got the /both/ of them to get you like this, Anna?”

<Anna> *Gripping the arm of the wheelchair as Jo pushes it roughly she gasps as it hits a hard bump before coming to the car* “A lot..whatever I could to piss them off. Not enough it seems.” *She’s panting when she tries to push herself up, she can start to feel her leg again and it’s not something she really wants too but she figures the pain is deserved.*

<Jo> *Jerking the passenger side door open, Jo leans in to shove the bag into the back before slipping an arm under Anna’s arms and lifting and tries to maneuver her into the seat as painlessly as possible* “This suicide wish is just going to make things worse for your monster, you know. Especially if someone presents it the /bad/ way to him - like you’d rather be dead than with him.”

<Anna> *Anna is breathing hard by the time she’s in the car, her head leaning back against the seat as Jo slams the door shut, once Jo gets in Anna looks at her.* “I made him weak..I’ve hurt him, made it so Grey can kill him..Crowley uses me against him.. it’s no more than what I deserve and he’s better off without me.”

<Jo> *Starting the engine, Jo pulls out and speeds off along the roads nearby towards the interstate before turning her head to look at Anna with a frown* “He’ll crumple without you, he and Grey aren’t too different in that aspect - your one is just a lot dumber. He’ll destroy himself going after things bigger than himself, kinda like you, rather than just turn his back like Grey will. You’re just goin' to get him killed getting yourself killed. Crowley won’t be an issue for too long - everyones workin’ together now, we’ll figure a way to get rid of him, and as for Grey being able to kill him, so long as he stays the fuck away from me and Grey your little fucker is safe enough from /him/.”

<Anna> “He’ll be fine without me.. I’m the one that needs protecting and crap. I’m the liability.” *Anna leans the seat back trying to find some position that doesn’t hurt, she’s lucky she guesses that the missed everything vital but the one in her leg was reminding her it ws still there.* “Grey was right in everything he said. And your right..Gray and I are too much alike. Too much pride.”

<Jo> “He’ll die. And you’re going to realise that right when you cant trn back from this crazy ass deathwish you’ve got going on.” *Jo says blankly, almost sounding gleeful when she starts her comments though it tones down as soon as she starts the second sentence.* “…What’d he say?”

<Anna> “Then why don’t you just kill me now, get both of us out of your way. You want him dead it’s no secret and I’m blind to him because we fuck..” *Anna snaps closing her eyes, the car ride making her feel sick again, the feeling of being useless making her feel crazy*

<Jo> “Because, I am not going to be the one that /can/ kill him if he’s after me for murdering you. Like I say, get the fuck over it Anna, your dying is not going to help or make things better, so just get the fuck over it.” *Jo snarls back pressing the pedal to the floor to try and make the trip as short as possible even though she knows its not going to help much*

<Anna> “Why did you come get me..should have just left me.” *Closing her eyes she tries to shut out everything, including the vibrations of the engine going right through her leg*

<Jo> *Jo sighs and hits a fist against the steering wheel as she over takes a few cars before replying* “Because I had to.”

<Anna> *Anna flinches and looks over at Jo* “Well I’m out, just pull over and leave me somewhere and you don’t "have to” ever again. I’m sure Grey will be pissed at you coming after me. One of us with a pissed off monster is enough.“

<Jo> "You don’t get it.” *Giving a shake of her head, Jo sends Anna a look with a very small smile* “As for having pissed off guys, I think you’d be much worse off than me.”

<Anna> “No I don’t..from anyone, or maybe I do. I don’t know anymore.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair looking out the window.* “Grey has a side to him that’s closer to Gray than I realized.”

<Jo> “Having to do something doesn’t mean you don’t want to. I owe you, and regardless of what I might say to some people, you’re still my friend so…” *Jo gives a shrug before looking at Anna curiously, a small frown tugging at her lips* “You forgot that yours /came/ from him. Grey is the original, and as much and as different as he is, he can be just as cruel and.. yeah, as the other.”

<Anna> “I told him that he couldn’t stand himself, that the better bits tossed him out like trash..” *Wiping her eyes she curls up against the door, her arms wrapped around herself.* “Maybe I’m delusional because I’m fucking Gray but he isn’t all bad..”

<Jo> *Jo snorts at Annas comments, knowing just how easily a reaction that could have gotten* “You shouldn’t go pokin people with sticks Anna. Especially when theyre not what they seem - Grey’s perfectly calm and lovely and stuff unless someone provokes him, that’s what /all/ of you seem to forget.” *Sighing, she shoots Anna a look and almost laughs aloud* “Yeah, I think the delusional is more likely.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything, she’s quiet for a long time as they drive and when she does all the exhaustion comes through her voice* “I seperated them, Gray feeding on me, letting him but he’s never come close to doing what Grey did, even when he still saw me as just a toy. I cut Grey with iron, across the stomach, ironic that Ruby stabs me. I don’t hate Grey, I just hate how he thinks being meek makes him good.”

<Jo> “Its not that he’s meek, Anna, he’s just.. staying under the radar. Though there are a few, er, situations where I know exactly what you mean where I swear to fuck I’d rather him man up and take it like the rest of us rather than what he /does/ do - but, I don’t know.. that’s changing it seems.” *Jo looks straight out the front window, zooming past a few more cars in the second lane* “The iron is what made him snap. It’s a touchy thing with them, and as for the feeding, I know what you mean. Impulse control is kind of unfairly balanced to your monster. Its kind of really dangerous these days…”

<Anna> “Gray is far more controlled. He rages and destroys but it’s controlled. Grey snaps and it’s a runaway train till it runs out of steam. More dangerous. He fed off me before, at the hospital after the wreck, he told me about me and Gray and I grabbed him on the arm or something and he didn’t have control.” *Anna breathes slowly trying to ignore the fact the nerve block is gone now.*

<Jo> “Yeah, I know he told me bout that. The snapping is.. it can get scary sometimes. Then there’s the times you’re upset and it happens.” *Jo keeps her tone even, looking across at Anna when she hears the almost laboured breathing* “Ive got some heavy duty painkillers in the glove box but theres nothing we can do until we get back to Duluth about anything else, Anna. Just try not to pass out on me.”

<Anna> *Anna cringes at the idea of pills but then a bump on the road makes her see stars and she reaches over, fumbling with the glove box and she takes out the bottle, looking at it before opening and pouring out two into hand.* “What do you see in Grey?”

<Jo> *Jo looks apologetically when she sees Anna react to the suggestion and then the bump, slowing down slightly and keeping a closer look out for any jolts on the road. Anna’s question makes her frown, shootign her a look before looking straight again* “What do /you/ see in Gray?”

<Anna> *dry swallowing the pills Anna gives Jo a look as she puts the pills back in the glove box, swallowing a few more times trying to get them unstuck from her throat.* “I asked you first.”

<Jo> *Jo reaches an arm behind her blindly, fiddlng about for a few moments before producing a rather beaten looking water bottle for her, though she doubts anyone would want to drink from it if they had a choice* “Fine. He’s nice, we have similar interests in non-work related things, he doesn’t give me too much shit about stuff or rather not the little stuff - man will really ride you about the bigger things though. We just get along is all. Now you.”

<Anna> *Taking the warm bottle of water, Anna questions how long it’s been in the car and she has to choke it down and wait to make sure the plastic tasting liquid isn’t going to come back up before she speaks.* “He changed, it went from being possessive to caring. Gray is protective, loving in private. When it’s us, his attention is just on me and it’s passionate, I’m just me. We fight sure, had some good ones but I’m learning to not be so stubborn with him.”

<Jo> “Why do I get the feeling your fights would be more likely to be more Mr and Mrs Smith than Sid and Nancy?” *Jo is suprised when Anna drinks but figures she would in her situation too, finding Anna’s words hard to believe given she knew first hand how stubborn and proud the both of them were but figures neither has killed the other yet so it must be something different*

<Anna> *Anna laughs and then whimpers when Jo makes the comment about the fights. “I locked him in the bedroom with iron. All he had to do was take something and move it. Stubborn ass destroyed teh room instead of moving it.” *Anna leans back looking at Jo.* “I can see Grey nagging you and how well that goes over. How many times have you stormed out on him?”

<Jo> *Jo gives a snort of laughter at the description, breezing past another car before shaking her head* “Brawn over brains, Gray is. As for nagging and storming out, me and Grey aren’t.. neither of us really comment on what the other is up to. He does his.. hunting, and I do mine. The most is a ‘be safe’, 'call me if you’re in trouble’ and a disapproving look if I try to head out while still injured”

<Anna> “No wonder you like him. I’m glad you seem happy with him.” *The pain killers are starting to kick in and she leans the seat back a bit more. The hopsital probably doped her good but she’s relaxed and it feels nice to talk to Jo like this again. “So out of them, who is the better one in bed?”

<Jo> “Because he doesn’t bitch about what I do or don’t do? As for.. it’s just a friends thing, or a mostly friends thing. Once again, it’s weird.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, looking over at Anna in shock at her question, letting out a laugh seeing how much clamer she seems* “Why do you wanna know? You’re not going to be trading up if I say the one you’re not with are you?”

<Anna> *Anna snorts, her eyes closed* “Grey wouldnt piss on me if I was on fire. Just curious because like you said they are the same  monster, talking dirty is a kink or maybe it’s just because I’m supposed to be pure.”

<Jo> “You know.. I can’t actually disagree with the on fire part.” *Smiling and shaking her head, Jo looks forward as she considers what Anna said* “I think the easiest way to describe it is one is a hard, rough fuck that I felt sore, dirty and spent after, while the other is more giving and treats me better even if he will pull on my hair and dig in his nails. The dirty talk I think is both though..”

<Anna> “I think it helps I like the hard rough fuck and he likes making me feel dirty and spent. Still waiting for Castiel to say something about what he heard while at the apartment.” *Swallowing Anna opens her eyes tryin to tell how far off they are.* “Where are we going?”

<Jo> “That would be awkward a conversation if I ever heard one. I always thought I liked that sort myself but..” *Jo flicks a look across to Anna before glancing about and spotting a road sign* “We’re not far off. Going back to Duluth, unless you want me to drop you on Bobby and Mom instead.”

<Anna> “No. Last thing they need is an angry monster destroying Bobby’s place.” *Closing her eyes again she tries to get comfortable again.* “Do you love him?”

<Jo> “Home it is then. I’d offer you a place at mine if you were trying for a runaway, except someone’s boytoy destroyed one of the bedrooms.” *Frowning, Jo rolls her shoulders awkwardly, pressing the gas harder unintentionally* “Love him how?”

<Anna> *Anna breathes in as Jo guns the gas* “How? You’re the human, you understand love better than me or you are supposed to. Could you see yourself living with him for the rest of your life?”

<Jo> “Well theres lots of types of love, Anna..” *She mumbles back, letting go of the wheel with one hand to scratch the back of her neck before slowing off the pedal again* “I could, it’d be pretty easy to, yeah. Why can you with Gray?”

<Anna> “I could. Of course now he might not want too but well if he leaves now, its for the best.” *Resting her head against the window she tightens her arms around her and she hopes the ride is over soon.* “I feel alive with him and it’s everything I didn’t feel as an angel.”

<Jo> “Number one problem with being human, can’t just switch bodies no matter how mutilated and malformed and broken we get.” *Jo sighs, sending Anna a look and figuring that even if Cas were upset with her he’d fix her, or she could always see if she couldn’t swing a favor from Gabriel in exchange for what information she got from Cas about the spell* “You sound like an adrenaline junkie.”

<Anna> “Not talking about that, I thought Crowley branding me would turn him away, it makes him angry but it hasn’t stopped him from touching me.” *Anna doesn’t voice that this is what she deserves and she’s afraid of Ruby repeating it if it’s healed, she’s not sure she wants to ever go through that again. “You would know about that wouldnt you.”

<Jo> “So he’ll accept having someone elses name written all over you, but won’t accept you not being able to walk? I’d think he’d find the appeal of your not being able to run off an advantage.” *Jo tries for joking as she realises theyre getting nearer town as the few recognisable houses start popping up before shooting Anna a look* “I am not that bad. Sorta.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t respond, she’s slumped against the door, arms laying limp in her lap. She’s passed out from a combination of drugs and pain.*

<Jo> *Jo sighs realising Anna’s fallen asleep and considering how to get her into the apartment when she gets back to the bar, but opts instead to park near the back and pray to god she’s left the workbed in the room downstairs made - figuring she’d hang around and keep an eye on her until either Anna woke up or Gray showed his head, maybe even play with a few things she remembers leaving behind*

#2 - Anna bitching at Jo for Jo saying she should be the one tactically to test the traps for Crowley

<Anna> Jo is really annoying anna

<Jo> Glad Im not the only one

<Anna> LOL

<Anna> Anna’s just sorta twitching

<Jo> Because she’s being cavalier (fuck is that the word I want? goddamn) or..?

<Anna> that and the whole “you have  more to live for”

<Anna> anna is looking around going..wtf are you seeing that i’m not

<Anna> because..i have a monster

<Anna> and some pissed off siblings

<Anna> and..yea

<Anna> also it’s going back to the whole thing she was ranting at Gray about..fine she’s about shit useless now in a fight but she still knows stuff and Jo is just totally taking that away from her and making her feel shit useless in every way lol

<Jo> *nodnod* That one came out of left field but I think Jo’s kind of gone ‘Taking the monsters out of the equation, youre the one holding the damn building up over these strays and misfits heads, your keeping your crazy brother focussed and honestly more useful being where you are and being able to share what you know. Sure Mom and Bobby and maybe Sam and Dean would be sad if I disappeared, but its

<Jo> not like theyre going to crash and burn’

<Anna> also anna thinks jo ability to plan is bordering on idiodic

<Jo> LOL just a tad

<Anna> it’s totally messing with her angel leader ocd

<Jo> But sometimes the dumbest move will work the best is what she’s thinking. Charging straight in sometimes works cause no one expects anyone to be that goddamn dumb

<Anna> and that whole no one would miss me….“THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CARTOON JO! STOP WATCHING DEANS JAPANESE PORN!”

<Anna> well I’m awake now after that just went screaming through my head

<Jo> “I DONT WATCH CARTOON PORN! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN STAR WARS? NO ONE WOULD GO WALKING RIGHT THROUGH IN THOSE SUITS EXCEPT THE DUMBEST FUCKS IN THE WORLD AND IT WORKED!”    Dammit Anna

<Anna> “I’m starting to see Lucifer’s frustration of why you humans are the favored species.”

<Jo> “Because we realise sometimes people really don’t plan for the morons of the world? Theres a reason the evil geniuses are always foiled, and its because they think everyone is as smart as them.”

<Anna> *Anna just walks away*

<Jo> Clever woman

<Anna> she’s muttering about she’s glad you and dean never hooked up..the world couldn’t handle teh stupidity that would be your kids with both parents thinking this is valid logic

<Jo> *dead*

<Jo> Jo’d like to rebutt that with how headstrong Anna and Dean’s kids would be if Anna’d not juiced up right after.

<Anna> “headstrong but clever is better than headstron and dumb.”

<Anna> “at least with me thrown in the mix the kids would have a 50/50 chance of having brains.”

<Jo> “But a 100% chance of some seriously screwed up morals and values.”

<Anna> “I would take that over stupidity.”

<Jo> “Neither me nor Dean is that damn dumb. We just appreciate logic differently.”

<Anna> *Anna twitching visibly* “NONE OF THIS IS LOGIC, IT’S GOING IN BLIND HOPING FOR THE BEST. IT’S STUPID AND ILL PREPARED. ”

<Anna> she’s beating her head on the wall

<Anna> this is new

<Jo> “Well let me put it to you like this, would you expect someone to be dumb enough to call you into a place filled with altered, untested traps and hope for the best if you were Crowley? Or would it catch you off guard?”

<Jo> LOL

<Anna> “No because unlike Crowley if I was the one with the power I would have never allowed any of you to live to begin with.”

<Jo> “And what is logical about his approaches at all then? If he’s being illogical, then it only makes sense for me to be too!”

<Anna> “No he’s arrogant. Like Uriel was.”

<Jo> “Whatever, my plan would work for a bit. Enough to test some. And might be amusing enough to get me away”

<Jo> (  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pFVx058IVsI   )

<Anna> “Let me ask you this, say your plan doesn’t work. Say none of them hold him, which tehre is a high chance that happens and you get yourself killed. You just gave it away that everyone including angels are working against him and he’s going to go on a killing spree afterwards. You just totally wrecked everyone else’s chance at stopping him.”

<Jo> “Oh like he doesn’t know that already. And honestly, it wouldnt be far fetched that I would come up with a stupid idea like that and not know what I was writing.”

<Anna> ……………………. “There isn’t enough alcohol for this conversation in the world or your lack of logic.”

<Jo> (“He’s too big” *dies* Oh Alona)

<Anna> lol

<Jo> “Sure sure, maybe I just have a deathwish this time around. You know all about those.”

<Jo> (drat now shes being pissy)

<Anna> (oh this isn’t going to be good.)

<Jo> (nope. bad places fast. drat)

<Anna> “My death makes sense. I created most of this mess and it serves a purpose. You, wanting to die is an excuse because you can’t handle living again. You want a cowards way out diguised as a noble purpose.”

<Jo> “You say you created most of it, if we backtrack a bit who put any of us on Crowley’s radar at all? Who went and pissed all over his little game? Who honestly has the most responsibility here? And haven’t you heard, that’s what I do. I do something stupid and I get my ass killed. Maybe I don’t like what the world is, but is it so bad to want a death that does something - even if its not this one?”

<Anna> “You sound like a child whining. You treat like like a broken toy, instead of dealing with teh fact it isn’t what you thought or wanted, you finish breaking it to the point it’s worthless and has to be thrown away and then you whine and throw a tantrum about it.”

<Jo> “Oh yes, because I’m exactly like that. You’ve got me all figured out Anna, how right you are. Just like always.”

<Anna> *Anna just stares at her not arguing anymore*

<Jo> “…. At least if I died someone other than a monster would actually /care/ rather than just be put out and lose a source of information.”   (I apologise. So much. I think Anna hit a little close to home with the 'cowards way out’ comment)

<Anna> *Anna smirks* “See I was right, there is more to loose by your death over mine.”

<Jo> “There are more /feelings/ to be hurt. It’s different to loosing someone who can be useful and more good in the long run staying alive.” *Jo scowls slightly back*

<Anna> “Sorry Jo, you just validated your own life over mine, which I had been saying all along. I’ll be the one to test the traps.” *Anna picks up her notebook leaving*

#3 - When Gray and Anna split up the first time, this is how Anna disclosed that to Jo... Grey will hate this (and also some infantilizing comments at end about Jo/Grey’s relationship making Jo a child)

<Anna> we should let them talk..so Jo knows and she can rub it in Gray’s face

<Anna> >_>

<Jo> <_< We should. I dont think Jo would care about a punch in the face or two for an endless amount of gloating

<Anna> lololol

<Anna> *Anna sits in the library with a notepad and the laptop, flipping through different webpages, writing things down*

<Jo> *Jo was meaning to come by and do some more research, since it was getting hard to focus about the housr again, when she sees Anna behind the lines in the library used to it being open again now* “Hey, learn to keep your boyfriend under more control in future, Anna. He’s running crazy at the moment.”

<Anna> *Anna ignores Jo, flipping through more pages.*

<Jo> *Raising an eyebrow, Jo moves around Anna’s chair towards the closet* “Seriously though, he’s a little out of control, though he said something interesting about you last time.”

<Anna> “Can’t imagine what is interesting about me.” *Anna says dryly, glancing up at Jo as she goes to the closet*

<Jo> “More that he said you wouldn’t care if we were knocking boots again. Which honestly was a hilarious suggestion, that you wouldn’t care or that that’d happen again at all.” *Jo lets out a small laugh, flinching at Anna’s tone and trying to avoid looking at her* “Why would he say somethig like that, Anna?”

<Anna> “He’s welcome to fuck whoever he wants, it’s not my business.” *closing the websites she closes her notebook and she shrugs at Jo. “I told him to get out so it’s not surprising that he’s already looking to chase tail again.”

<Jo> “Not your… You…” *Jo bites down on her lips tightly to avoid laughing aloud before moving out of the closet with a few books* “So, what did you throw him out for this time? His /good/ness disappearing?”

<Anna> *Anna looks at Jo, clearly not amused by her jabs.* “It’s not one your business either.” *Standing up she walks around the table with notebook in hand.

<Jo> “In case I missed something, we’re still at least friends, so I think getting to know personal information is sort of my business.” *Jo frowns, watching her move about both curious and cautious, before just going on* “So what was it? Did he screw someone? Give into Crowley? Eat Harry? Not screw you enough?”

<Anna> *Anna walks up to Jo, she still hadn’t bothered picking up the crutch where Gray tossed it and she tilts her head for a moment before drawing back and sucker punching Jo in the mouth.* “There we aren’t friends anymore and you don’t have any privilges to my life.”

<Jo> *Jo just blinks curiously when Anna approaches, getting caught off guard at the fist to her face, dropping the books as she turns around to clutch at her mouth. Turning back around after a moment, she glares around her hand at Anna, voice muffled from both pain and her hand* “Whut the fuck!”

<Anna> *Anna turns leaving the library going towards the bedroom*

<Jo> *Picking up her books and setting them down, Jo rubs at her face a few more minutes before following after Anna when she’s sure she’s not bleeding any more* “Okay seriously, what the fuck is your issue? What did that jackass do this time?”

<Anna> “It’s none of your business, you want to know go ask him. You guys can use it for pillow talk.”

<Jo> “Not going to happen, like, ever. I’d rather not speak to him until he’s over whatever he’s doing as it is, so you’re point of call. Did he fuck up and show just how bad he’s always been, Anna?”

<Anna> “Do you want me to punch you again? I’m not talking about it. In fact by this time tomorrow you  can have this place back.”

<Jo> “I’d be expecting it this time.  Why the hell not, and I’m quite happy where I am, you won the house in the divorce.”

<Anna> “Well I’m leaving it. Found a  place across town. I’ll be out of hunting, out of everyone hair and you can all go about your lives without worrying about me.”

<Jo> “I’m amazed youre not just hopping on a bus again and taking off. But what the hell did he do that got you this pissed, Anna? Why dont you just put the pain and chains back up?”

<Anna> “They are up but it’s not just him I’m getting away from.”

<Jo> “So I’m guessing I’m in that equation of getting away frm too then..”

<Anna> “you think?”

<Jo> *Jo raises an eyebrow in response, looking about the place quickly and not noticing anything out of place* “Anna, if you want me to leave you alone, I will. You dont have to leave to do that.”

<Anna> “I’m leaving because I want to.” *Anna rolls her eyes, why the hell would she want to stay here, in a place she’s had to failed relationships at*

<Jo> “…Right. And why exactly?” *Jo keeps prodding, trying to find the answer to what had happened*

<Anna> “Because I want too.” *Anna just looks at Jo like’s stupid or deaf one.

<Anna> *

<Jo> “Uh huh. Nothing to do with why Gray is seemingly back to his old dickish ways then?”

<Anna> “Nothing to do with him at all. I’m not doing anyone anygood here so I’m leaving.”

<Jo> “Of course not. ….Youre just running away from your problems again, aren’t you? Every time someone upsets you or shocks you or you think you’re hard done by you run off, Anna. At least when they’re someone you care about you do. So what’d the asshole do this time?”

<Anna> “Jo. Drop it. I’m not running, I’m moving. The stairs hurt to go up and down. If I was running away I wouldn’t have told you that I found a place across town.” *Anna rolls her eyes again at Jo.*

<Jo> “I don’t think I will, you said I’m not your friend any more so I don’t have to be nice and let you off the hook with an eye roll or bat of your eyelashes. And if thats all it was you wouldnt have said you were avoiding others than Gray too.”

<Anna> “Whatever Jo” *Anna moves into her bedroom trying to shut the door in Jo’s face. Grabbing what clothes she has and she starts packing them into a bag.*

<Jo> *Glaring at the shut door, Jo kicks out a foot at the bottom of it before turning around and going back to the library, mentally giving it two weeks*

<Anna> *Anna waits till Jo is gone before leaving a note for Harry and calling a cab. She had made all the arrangements online and she just had to go pick up a key*

<Jo> *pets Anna

<Jo> *

<Anna> lol she’s telling you and everyone else who keeps doing that to piss off

<Jo> Loool    it gets such a fun reaction though

<Anna> lol

<Anna> Jo happy and gloating?

<Jo> More confused and just going “Fiine. She wants to fuck up /every/ one of her relationships, thats fine by me”

<Anna> lol

<Anna> now Grey can go kiss her booboo

<Jo> I think Grey’s been doing quite enough kissing recently

<Anna> lol

<Anna> Jo can go happily back to Grey and tell him all about it

<Jo> Oh lord, dont tell her that

<Anna> lol

<Jo> I think she’s mostly pissed Anna wouldnt tell her more than the punch

#4 - Not 100% sure the start of the context of this one as I have it saved under title of ‘crowley - new’ so who the heck knows lol

<Jo> *While Jo knew Anna was trying to avoid everyone, it was just part of her nature to need to know where everyone was staying. If nothing else to know Anna was in a safe place. So stealing the address from a note to Harry and Lily, she pulls up infront of Annas new place, not sure if she was in or not and figuring that trying to break in would just be rude - instead knocking on the door and waiting*

<Anna> *Anna made her way back to the apartment and she had been laying there on the bed for about an hour when she heard the door and she groaned. Whatever Crowley had done was making her leg throb and she didnt want to deal with Gray, though she didn’t think he would be knocking. Getting up she walks carefully over to the door opening it. The iron would keep anyone else from getting in.* “What?”

<Jo> “I thought you might appreciate my not just barging in, seems not.” *Jo peers past Anna trying to see into the apartment before looking back at her tired face* “Just wanted to see where you are, make sure things were… safe.”

<Anna> *Anna looks somewhat relieved when she see’s it’s just Jo and she gives a lil laugh when Jo says she wants to see if she’s safe. Turning around she leaves the door open and goes back to the bed. The apartment is more a flat, everything in one big room with a bathroom off to the side.* “Yea, safe. You aren’t the first guest I’ve had. Crowley came by already.”

<Jo> *Surprised to be allowed in, Jo heads inside as well looking at Anna worriedly when she says Crowley’s already visited as she shuts the door* “Guess that explains a bit of the smell. I guess that means ‘as safe as can be’ then?”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs leaning back on the headboard on the bed* “It wasn’t bad considering, he only took me back to the apartment, wanted to see Gray’s reaction and you know, made sure I knew how much I fail repeating the mistakes of the past.”

<Jo> “Welcome to the club then” *Moving to lean against the opposite wall, Jo frowns slightly at her comment* “How’d you get back here? The dickhead didn’t show up did he?”

<Anna> “No, called a cab again.” *Anna laughs some, she’s drained and hit that numb point that she doesn’t see how anything can get worse.* “I do think I eneded up selling myself to Crowley.”

<Jo> “You did /what/?!”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs rubbing her hand over the cast* “Crowley kept saying I was a pet, but now that I’ve isolated myself and no one cares what happens, I’m no longer leverage. Not good for much of anything.” *Anna glances up at Jo and she leans back* “I asked what I had to do to get him to leave people alone, and he said I wasn’t worth that much, so I named you and Ellen and he said I was only worth one

<Anna> person. I named Ellen, so she’s off his radar.”

<Jo> *Jo visibly sags with relief at Anna saying Ellen was off the hit list, though she looks almost furious at the comment about Anna not being cared for or good for anything* “Just cause we’re not together doesn’t mean youre not my friend. Or doesn’t anyone realise that? Thanks for.. well, Mom though. What do you have to do though? What do you mean selling? You’re not going to fuck him are you?!”

<Anna> “It’s better though if he thinks I am.” *Anna runs a hand through her hair and she shrugs again at Jo’s question.* “It was pretty open ended, I think right now it’s amusing him about the fact Gray and I aren’t together. He thinks Gray will apologize since he’s done things for me that goes against his nature.” *Blinking Anna just laughs bitterly* “Nice to know he can be wrong still.”

<Jo> “True..” *Jo frowns, rubbing at the back of her neck before moving across to sit on the end of the bed, pushing her hair back from her face with a sigh* “So, he’s just got you to agree to some ambiguous agreement and sitting about waiting for the monster to come back grovelling?”

<Anna> “Gray won’t come back, except to  maybe take it out of my hide.” *Anna slides down further on the bed running a hand over her face* “I don’t know what Crowley will come back and want, does it matter though? It’s all right, everything Gray said, Crowley said. I’m helping this way at least. Got Ellen out of that mess Grey did, Crowley didn’t know you had told me about that.”

<Jo> “I doubt that, Anna. I might actually be with Crowley on that one - eventually he’ll crawl back. I always did.” *Jo watches Anna shift about, carefully moving to the side to give her cast more space* “It does matter, Anna, even if you try to say it doesnt. And.. …thank you for that. For fixing that..”

<Anna> “I did it so you could kill him without worrying. And he won’t, we both are too prideful. I’m okay if it ends like this, like Crowley said, it’s taken away something he was holding over people.”

<Jo> “Well thanks for that then, it is kind of nice to stop worrying about that. Gray isn’t /you/ Anna, he’s more like me than he ever has been you and he’ll figure it out that he’s fucked things up and wants you back. But I doubt its going to 'end’ at all Anna, and I dont think you’re going to be okay with whatever happens..”

<Anna> “I fucked up more than Gray. I fucked up with you. It’s like Crowley said, I keep making the same mistakes over and over again and I never learn.” *Blinking Anna takes a deep breath and she give a little laugh* “Whatever happens doesn’t matter, if I’m a good distraction then it’s still good for something”

<Jo> “Well if thats the case why arent you the one willing to apologise rather than running off?  Youre still good for other things, Anna, its just Crowley being a douche that says youre not

<Jo> ”*

<Anna> “Because he’s right.”

<Jo> “No, he’s not”

<Anna> “If I did apologize, I’d be leverage again. Gray before said Crowley came to visit last time I was in teh hospital, said that Gray was willing to give up being a monster and act out life as a human for me. I can’t put him in that position again. This is better.”

<Jo> “Whose this better for? Really?” *Rolling her eyes, Jo runs her hand through her hair before looking back at Anna seriously* “Youre not really achieving what you should running off like this, selling out and what not. And you know it.”

<Anna> *Anna smiles weakly at Jo* “So I’m failing, big surprise”

<Jo> “Yeah actually. You might suck at some stuff, but when you put your mind to something you don’t tend to fuck it up. Not enough that its not surprising”

<Anna> “What’s done is done. Gray is gone, Ellen is out of Crowley’s sites and everything else is okay.”

<Jo> “Except for how you’re going to end up where Grey was last year, am I right?” *Jo sneers slightly, turning to look away from the other woman as she runs it over in her mind*

<Anna> “No, I don’t know how to say I’m sorry.” *Anna shakes her head, she’s not like Grey at all. “Grey rolled over because he doesn’t want to die, I’m doing what Crowley wants so people can kill him.”

<Jo> “And you thought I was the one who couldn’t apologise for mistakes.” *Jo mutters quietly before looking abck at Anna with a raised eyebrow* “Potato potahto. Either way you’re going to end up at the same spot. And really the only reason you /want/ to die is for the same reason he doesn’t - he doesn’t want to go back to where everything is even worse than here, and you don’t want to be responsible

<Jo> for everything getting worse here.”

<Anna> “It’s a tactical advantage.”

<Jo> *Jo was seething by now, the complacant response and attitude towards this pissing her off* “Of course. Because all battles were won thanks to the whores with the intel. If he happens to tell you which of his heels is his weakspot mid orgasm, you let me know.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything, she wipes her face and she nods.*

<Jo> “You know what..” *Scowling, Jo stands up and starts pacing beside Anna’s bed, looking down at her occasionally* “If that was me telling you I  had agreed to do some unknown thing Crowley asked me to do, you’d have called me a slut, said I was a moron and was worth more than that and basically torn me apart over it. Just like you always have. Yet you’re unwilling to see you have more potential

<Jo> than what some cocky asshole of a demon and two monsters you’ve been pushing the buttons of for months are telling you. You’re better than this shit Anna, so just get over yourself and realise it!”

<Anna> “I have realized it. There’s an uncomfortable truth to everything they say. What potential do I have? I’m not an angel, I don’t have any grace at all, I don’t even hear them anymore. I’m useless as a human and all do is piss people off but not enough. You have always been what I wanted to be as a human, I yelled because you are so much more than any of us..”

<Jo> “Only because they twist it that way! Demons lie, and both of those two twist the truth how they want it if someone’s hurt them enough. Who is the resident expert on them here, because it sure as hell ain’t you. Big fucking whoop if you’re not an angel anymore, that’s what you’ve wanted - and you’re only useless if you let yourself be. God fucking dammit, Anna, you can’t just try once and give up!

<Jo> I never did, and do you see me really rolling over for anyone? Actually, truly rolling over? I dont give up, and I’m ashamed of you if you do.” *Jo snaps back, basically tuggin at her hair as she talks, voice dropping as she finishes*

<Anna> “Once? I fell, twice. I died trying to stop the apocalypse. I am not rolling over. I am accepting that I fuck everything up and if fucking Crowley buys you the time you need to kill him, well then it’s not rolling over is it.”

<Jo> “You and me both, and do you see me giving it up again? You are rolling over, Anna. Your saying youre useless otherwise and saying you accept that bullshit is rolling over. You are a fucking /human/, and you are worth just as much as anyone else - regardless of if you screw up or not. You don’t see me doing everything right, or don’t you remember those months of you saying that exactly to me?”

<Anna> “Maybe I was wrong.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she watches Jo pace in anger.* “Maybe I am human and if I am that means I’m just as dispensable as the rest of the human race. What’s one life compared to everyone else. Or maybe this is karma for what I did as an angel.”

<Jo> “Dispensable yes, but just as important as well. You always run your mouth about my being important, well guess what Anna - so are you too. So yeah, maybe one versus a lot, but you wouldn’t have stood by and watched me sell myself to that asshole in exchange for other people would you?!”

<Anna> “No but that’s because I’m always right and you never listen.” *Anna tries to joke.*

<Jo> “And yet you’re going to stand by and let you do that to yourself?” *Jo shoots her a disapproving look at the joke, even if one side of her mouth quirks up slightly, shaking her head*

<Anna> “Fucking Crowley would probably be the least destructive thing I’ve ever done to myself.” *She looks down at her leg and shrugs.*

<Jo> “I can’t help but disagree. I know what that creep does to people, maybe not physically but the psychological shit is not something you can just shrug your shoulder about, Anna. Especially not you.”

<Anna> “I’ve already got a good shrink to deal with the psychological stuff and a bed reserved at the hospitals.” *Anna jokes again when Jo says especially not her.*

<Jo> *Jo gives Anna a brief look before whirling and kicking at the closest leg of Anna’s very small table, blinking stunnedly when the leg folds in under itself and she’s not quite sure she feels any less angry* “Fine, /fine/. You want to make this all a joke and go through with it, then /fine/, but I’m going to figure out some way to stop whatever you’re thinking from happening, Anna.”

<Anna> *Anna cringes as jo breaks the only table she has and she shakes her head looking at Jo.* “No you won’t. Stopping it would put Ellen back on table of people Crowley can go after. You aren’t going to do that.” *Taking a breath she swallows.* “I’m not giving up but what have I got to lose? You just broke the only othe thing in this apartment besides the bed.”

<Jo> “I’m going to, Anna. Even if it means trapping and gutting that sick son of a bitch in the middle of Antarctica underneath a full moon.” *The comment and look Anna gives her at the table makes Jo let out a shallow breathe, looking apologetically at her* “Sorry about that, I’ll find you a replacement, okay?”

<Anna> “It’s fine. Probably would have never used it.” *Anna looks at Jo and she smiles a bit.* “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, without Gray here to flush the pills, I’m sure I have a script of one that will take care of anything I’ll feel about doing this.”

<Jo> *Fisting her hands at her sides, Jo shakes her head with a sharp jerk* “You really don’t get this do you..”

<Anna> “I get it. I’ve just stopped caring at this point.” *Anna looks at Jo’s hands and she sits up swinging her legs over the bed.“Free shot for the punch from yesterday.”

<Jo> “Not gonna happen.” *Jo gives Anna a disapproving look, crossing her arms under her chest even though her hands stay balled* “You’ve stopped caring, sure. But you know thats only going to last so long. And when Crowley isn’t powerful any ore everything youve done is going to be for nothing and you’re going to hate yourself more deeply than anyone ever has.”

<Anna> “You assume that I don’t already.” *Anna sighs and she lays back closing her eyes.* “Thanks Jo for coming by.”

<Jo> “You really shouldn’t though..” *Jo runs a hand through her hair gently, looking at Anna with concern before nodding* “Okay, okay. I’ll… If you want I’ll come by again sometime soon.”

<Anna> “Probably not a good idea, never know when Crowley will be here.”

<Jo> *Sighing, Jo nods* “Okay, I get it. I’ll see you sometime, Anna…”

<Anna> *Anna just waves as she crawl into the middle of the bed, closing her eyes to go to sleep*

<Jo> *Heading out the door, Jo wants nothing more than to slam it behind her, but fights down the urge, heading back home again*

<Anna> Jo’s going to kill Anna herself isn’t she

<Jo> Ooooh she wants to

[dialovertoenglish]

myshatebat hat auf deinen Eintrag geantwortet “myshatebat hat auf deinen Eintrag geantwortet “Translation...”

Maybe so but Neko is still cat no matter who translates is all i'm saying. If ur gonna be mad at anyone be mad at rejet for not localising. Or if u want u could say ur all stealing from rejet for "copying and editting" their work with translations. Ur translations probly everywhere anyway just cos 1 person is easy to find u pick on them. I dont understand people like that. Why does it all have to be about self satisfaction when u didn't even make the game?

                       Why cant u just translate to improve ur japanese. And if someone takes notice then bonus. If someone is copying then it shows they appreciate ur work and are spreading it round to help others too. Taking credit is always bad no matter what the cause but making big hate posts drawing attention to someone is worse. Also theres a difference between story writing and translating cos ur stealing the idea from a story. Translating the idea is already there ur just editting it.                   

                       I'm not taking anyones side cos at the end of the day translations all say the same thing anyway was just my message. Yes its wrong to steal but it should just be about helping others understand.  I'll admit I speak to the person in question which is why i spoke up but I am not taking any sides and do hope things get figured out. I have suggested to her already to put ur names down if she does restart her blog. But it just annoys me that people are so hateful over a game                    

We’re talking about Japanese here, where there’s always a lot of interpretation going on. “Yui wa kowai desu ne?”, for example, could mean “Yui is scared, isn’t she?”, “Yui is scary, isn’t she?” or “You’re scared, Yui, aren’t you?”. Three kinda different things, huh?

Even if the words technically mean the same thing, let’s take the meme thingy that went around as an example; compare “Forgive me father, for I have sinned” with “Sorry daddy, I’ve been naughty”. The words technically have the same meaning, but they don’t quite say the same, do they?

No two translations are exactly alike, no more than two texts describing the same picture, or two pieces of fanart. To throw a random example out there: The Bible. I doubt any other book has so much discussion over which translation is correct; do you think that’d happen if they all said the same? Interpretation and writing style make a LOT of difference, together with the question whether it’s better to stick closer to the source, or translate more freely so it’d be more understandable or relatable to the target audience (The infamous “Jelly Donuts” from Pokémon, for example).

Sure, it’d be best if Rejet decided to localise. They don’t, though. But the thing is, nobody believes I created DL. They all know those things are Rejet’s, that I’m just translating. And, since Rejet probably cares more about money than credit, I’m not hurting their finances with this, either.

Because there’s other, easier, and more fun things to do for improving my Japanese. I could, y’know, just play the games. And even if I did translate them as practice, why would I post them? That’s just extra work, with the formatting etc.

And no. If they’re reblogging my stuff, or reposting with credit, they’re showing appreciation. Especially, as some do, if they reblog with a nice comment or thought in the tags. I love that. I love likes, reblogs, comments, all that; THAT shows appreciation. Copying it, saying “Hey, look, I translated this!”? That doesn’t. If they wanted to spread it around, there’s a reblog button. Right. There.

As I said, I do both. They’re different, but that doesn’t change how much work translating is. And how much difference a translation can make. You keep saying “they all say the same thing”, but... They don’t. They really don’t. First, as I said, interpretation. I remember in the Prologue, there was a sentence from Laito which was something along the lines of “Oh, she’s desert, then”. But it could also be translated as “Oh, she’s the fapping material, then”. No difference? Laito being Laito, he obviously meant the dual meaning; desert still has that. But it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch for Laito to outright call someone fapping material, either.

It wasn’t a hate post. It was a heads up, informing people that, y’know, that person stole hours of work from others and pretended it was her own. If someone stole your bicycle, would you go “Oh well, that’s sad, but having them arrested would be worse”? They made a conscious decision to steal someone else’s work, and refused to give credit when they were asked to.

If I find someone posting my translations, I’d just ask them for credit. But what am I supposed to do if they refuse? I don’t wanna just “accept” that others might claim credit for my work. So, I’ll tell other people that those translations were originally my work. I don’t want people to get hate, but I DO want people to know that I’m the one who did the work. If I caught people sending threats to others over my translations, I’d block them. But a call-out for something that was NOT ages ago? After being notified of that thing, but refusing to do anything? That’s something very different.

[tragictm]

The Future of This Blog

I've been rping on tumblr since around 2012, diving into the indie world in 2014 with my beth blog. It was a fun hobby for a long time, but by 2015 it had become more like a chore. Soon enough I made new blogs, moved every month or two and hoped like hell itd have that spark back. There were moments, people, that made my time here truly amazing. I'll talk about them later. For now, I have to look to myself and to the future.

Which brings me here. While I love my muses and I genuinely adore writing them, something on this blog isnt right. Not just this blog, but all of them. I'm burnt out on this site, its multiple issues not helping, and my constant need for external validation is only making this worse. You've all noticed it, begging for poll responses, asking if a character should be added and making the choice based only in how many votes each option gets. Everything on this site is governed by notes, by reactions, by the thought that what I post here is important or interesting to people. That's not why I was here, it's not why I wanted to write, and as long as it's there i dont know that i can continue to be here.

As 2019 draws near I have to make choices to better my life. In 2019 I'm giving up work to study and follow my dream, I'm giving up my home that I've lived in for my whole life to have a shot in a completely different city, a completely different world. And with that, I'm giving up this.

Writing is so important to me, I've grown as a person so much from doing this, I've made friends who mean the world to me, but this has also been so toxic. My deep and constant fear of duplicates - and yes that includes the ones I follow. My desire to be the best version of my muse, preferably the only version of my muse. I crave attention, crave the glory that I've somehow managed to believe comes from the number of people who follow me. It's stupid. Its toxic. It's made me act like a person I dont want to be.

I dont know when I'll come back. Ideally, I want to be more emotionally and mentally sound before coming here. I want to be less busy. I want to be able to have fun rather than cry because I cant decide what to do with a fucking tumblr blog.

I want to mention some people, talk about what they mean to me and how theyve shaped my experience. That's below the cut. But first: means of contact. I dont want to lose friends, but I cant promise tumblr will be a place I go ever again. For now I'll be on my personal @distortedrebel and probably on @greene-rph but come 2019 theres a chance I wont even be on those blogs. So, heres where to find me:

Facebook, snapchat, etc. are available if you message me, I'd message my personal or one of those accounts though because I wont be logged on to here.

@selfsaving - izzy, you alone have given me so much muse and such a strong feeling of being somewhere I belong. You've been amazing to me, from liking starter calls and interacting with a muse no one interacted with to inviting me to discord servers and being excited to write with me. I genuinely can't describe how great you've been to me.

@mrbisected - kate you've been amazing. You've followed me through so many blogs, even when I never knew who Kenny was. Honestly, I kind of dreaded watching Texas chainsaw at first. I really thought I'd hate it, especially for the first half hour or so. After watching I didnt care that much for Kenny, but the way you cared for him and the way you crafted him into a real person really inspired me and made me fall in love. I fell for nikki because she was hot, but with your help she became someone real and I never imagined giving up on her because of how it had felt having a muse I cared about so much.

@withumans - kacie idk if ur on this blog or using this alias but hey, you're amazing. I know we haven't necessarily been the closest, but you've been a really good friend. You've been through a lot and I know you relate to the need for validation here. You're still young, you're going to grow and change over the next few years more than you could ever believe. I love you, I believe in you, I know you'll get through this. I'm sorry I wasnt super invested in some of your muses, you very clearly love rain more than anything and I really struggled to interact with her, not because of who she is but because of how emily kinney was her fc originally. I know its dumb and petty and I hate that it continued into when shed stopped being the main fc. Rain is a brilliant oc, I genuinely love her and her story. Shes developed, she clearly means the world to you. Tumblr, and quite frankly everywhere else, doesnt care about ocs. They dont care about multis. That puts the two of us in a tricky position. Dont give up on rain, dont give up on ocs. Dont give up on things you're passionate about. You have it in you to do incredible things.

@valorfated - ellie weve talked less lately and I want to apologize for that. Weve had issues in the past, the most obvious being the way I acted with the rph in 2017(?). Theres an age gap between us and clearly a maturity gap there too. Looking back on the way I acted and responded and avoided responsibility is clear. I am sorry for that, I know you were going through rough times and it was rude of me to try to make things go my way simply because you werent there to stop me. Its something I've been working on and I'd like to think I've grown as a person since then. I do want to tell you that you're an amazing writer, and I really hope things are going better for you. Writing beth and Maggie was a really great experience, I loved the dynamic because I've never had much of a bond with my own sister. You helped me realize how sisterly bonds should be and because of that I've started to work towards mending my relationship with my sister and its changing my life. Thank you, good luck with everything..

@gavinsaleks - I saved you for last because this might get long. I'm gonna avoid the literal thousand word letter I usually give you on your birthdays because wow I write a lot, but you already know by now that you've changed my life. The ocs we made meant the world to me and really taught me about relationships and perspectives and what's right and wrong in relationships. You, though, you taught me more. You gave me the courage to come out, you gave me the strength to stay alive in times where I felt like that was impossible, you gave me happiness that i never thought possible. I watched you grow up and you watched me mature and everything changed after meeting you. I never wouldve lasted on this site without you, or in real life really. You're an incredible girl and I really hope that I gave you the same happiness you gave me because you deserve it all and so much more.

[pigletsbigmovie]

my brother got a switch recently as a graduation gift so ive finally gotten to play botw and im not finished w/ the game but THOUGHTS!! also spoilers obviously

ive heard ppl say that the champions are rly underutilized and that the plot of botw overall is rly.. Eeeeehhh............ and having gotten pretty far in the game i kind of agree which is so disappointing bc there is so much potential there for a rly good and heartwrenching story!!

like link and the champions failing to save hyrule?? link having been asleep for a 100 years while zelda was left to stave off ganon all on her own? zelda growing up knowing she’s destined to save hyrule only to be unable to access the powers she’s supposed to have and feeling like a failure bc of it???? SADSTUCK

the part when you find out that the champions were trapped in their divine beasts, powerless to do anything but fight off the blight ganons until they died and even in death they were still trapped in spirit form in the divine beasts waiting for a 100 years to be freed so they could finally fulfill their duty.....

when i got to that i remember getting this awful sinking feeling... i was so disturbed bc yknow!! that’s Fucked UP!!!! IT’S SAD!!! and to know that all those elements didnt come together to make a rly satisfying story suuucks.... and i rly dislike it when stories waste rly interesting characters.... like ive freed 3 out of the 4 divine beasts (mipha, daruk, and revali’s) and of those 3 only mipha’s story was the only one that felt developed and it was the only one that made me rly feel anything and even then i think they couldve done more

especially with making connections to the new allies/”champions”?? like sidon was alright bc he’s mipha’s brother. there’s already an established connection and since the zora have rly long lives, a lot of the zora from a 100 years ago who knew mipha are still alive and that makes her death feel very real and tragic but then you’ve got daruk and yunobo and?? ok so yunobo and daruk are also related but yunobo didnt know daruk personally so there needs to be a better motivation for yunobo......  but yunobo’s motivation is... Not There?? you just tell him you’re gonna free the divine beast and he’s like “Oh no im Scared!! oh well i’ll go help you now!!!”???? he takes no convincing at all?? like i see theres kind of a desire to prove himself and to live up to his ancestors?? but that is baaarely there touched on the only reason daruk’s cutscene where he waves at yunobo made me sad was because i was remembering how mipha wanted to see her dad again and she doesnt even get to have that and she deserves better

then revali and teba are worse!!  like teba wants to deal with the divine beast bc it’s terrorizing the village but?? it doesnt feel personal at all like you could replace teba with literally any other rito with wildly different personality traits and the story wouldnt be heavily affected bc what normal average decent person would want a giant ancient robot attacking their home? so my reaction to teba was rly just ok you’re cool but also Who the Fuck ARe You?????

there’s this whole theme of the new allies paralleling the champions... but they dont make the most of it!! i think it wouldve been interesting for us to learn more about the champions by drawing more parallels between the champions and the new allies... like maybe while link is interacting with them he gets flashbacks to his time with each champion i dont have All the memories but from what i have im assuming that each champion gets One memory each... which is sooo........ nooo. i want to know more about the champions and their motivations and their relationship to link and zelda!!!

and maybe even having the champions interact with the new allies, calling out to them for help.... asking them to help link free them... asking them to finish what they died trying to...... in a passing of the torch kind of way that wouldve felt more emotional and personal.... and maybe “reviving” the memory of the champions in the races who grew to forget them like the goron and rito... it would establish a connection bc as it is they dont have any? the goron and rito’s relationship with their respective champions is basically just “Yeah i heard of them”.... so their deaths dont feel as Real as mipha’s death is to the zora  i know there’s still the champion’s ballad dlc but... we shouldve gotten some of this in the Main Game....we shouldnt have to learn more about Important Characters in extra and completely optional content

anyway this is a lot and i heard urbosa’s story is pretty good so im excited to get to that. and also despite this Long Rant i still am really enjoying the game!!!! i thought i would be completely overwhelmed by an open world game but it’s actually really fun! it just saddens me knowing it could be so much better... oh well i guess thats what fanfic is for lol

[knotsandknives]

prompt fill for anonymous who said: I would literally kill for a fanfic with a sick Joseph begging Robert for sex and getting refused because Robert wants him to stay in bed and get better. (Bonus if theres lots of Joseph teasing to try and get what he wants)

It couldn’t have come at a worse time. Mary has the kids for the weekend, taking them on a road trip to Maine for the Pumpkinfest and Regatta event in Damariscotta (which, honestly, Joseph wouldn’t have minded going to that himself, but this was finally a chance at a whole weekend alone with Rob), and Joseph had stocked the house with enough food and booze to ensure they wouldn’t need to go outside for at least two days. He’d washed the sheets, vacuumed the couch, cleaned the kitchen counters (Robert’s a pretty firm believer in the ‘whenever the mood strikes’ approach to sex). He has been waiting for this, and he is ready.

Which is why, Joseph is sure, he’d woken up with a sore throat and a splitting headache, which had progressed into full-blown, nose-dripping, incessant-coughing sickness in a matter of hours. It’s the universe playing the cruelest of tricks on him, and he doesn’t even believe in that sort of thing.

He’s tried everything from alka seltzer to steam showers to fervent prayer, but he’s only getting worse as the clock ticks nearer to Robert’s promised arrival time of 4 p.m. He’d caught the earliest flight out. He was looking forward to this as much as Joseph. Joseph feels horrible.

Literally. But he’s determined to fake his way through this if it kills him. Who knows when the next time they’ll get a weekend alone will be. It’s now or never, Joseph thinks, grimly.

He allows himself two more hours to wallow in bed before dragging himself to the bathroom to shower, shave, and moisturize. He wishes Mary had left some kind of foundation or concealer behind when she’d moved out. The bags under his eyes combined with the sickly pallor of his skin are dead giveaways. Maybe he’ll just keep the lights off when Robert arrives and claim a desire for a little mood lighting.

Joseph gets situated on the couch, barefoot in silk pajamas, really playing up the cliche here, with 30 minutes to spare. And promptly falls asleep, mouth open to combat the stuffiness in his nose, chest rattling with every shallow breath.

He wakes to the slam of the front door, throat screaming for a lozenge, eyes crusted with sleep. God, he’s a mess. Joseph struggles into an upright position, scrubbing at his eyes, slapping his cheeks to infuse them with a little bit of color.

“Honey, I’m home!” Robert calls out from the entryway.

“In here!” Joseph calls back, wincing at the strain on his throat. Hopefully his ears are as stuffed as his nose, distorting his hearing, because he sounds like he’s already got one foot in the grave.

There’s the sound of Robert’s luggage hitting the floor, which means he’d come straight here without stopping at home. He must not be planning to go home at all, since he’d brought the bag in with him. Joseph feels warm all over, but that could be the fever.

Robert steps into the living room, broad smile on his face. He’s removed his jacket, and the open v-neck of his shirt exposes the sharp protrusions of his collarbone, the thatch of grey-flecked hair on his chest. He’s got more than the usual two-or-three day’s worth of stubble, working his way toward an honest beard, like he’s been too busy to bother with it. Joseph knows he’ll shave it off within the next day or so, but for now, he anticipates the burn it’ll leave at his mouth and chest and thighs. There’s an intensity in his eyes that Joseph recognizes as the strain of time apart, but there’s hunger too, in the way his gaze sweeps over Joseph’s body, lingering on his bare ankles and unbuttoned shirt. Joseph shivers, a little. It’s not the fever.

“Somebody’s eager,” Robert says, stopping at the coffee table to toe out of his boots. Joseph wants to reach for him, but he doesn’t really have the energy to lift his arms, so he settles for lounging seductively against the arm of the couch.

“I’m not even going to deny it or try to engage in some kind of witty banter,” Joseph tells him. Mostly because my head feels like someone stuffed cotton in it. “I want you and I missed you. Just kiss me.”

Robert obeys, sliding over Joseph’s prone body, hands trailing over silky fabric from his waist to his neck, cupping his jaw with gentle fingers. He kisses with restraint, gentle even when Joseph would have him be rough, the kiss more of a greeting than anything else.

“Hi,” Robert says, soft, pressing a kiss to the corner of Joseph’s mouth. He can be frustratingly tender, sometimes.

“Hi,” Joseph tries to reply, but the word sticks in his throat, sending him into another fit of hacking coughs. Robert pulls back, frowning. Joseph is flooded with dread, trying desperately to suppress the coughing. He holds his breath until his lungs feel like they’ll burst, but it isn’t enough to get Robert back where he was.

His hands come up to frame Joseph’s face before he lays one flat against his forehead. “You’re burning up,” he says, accusingly. “You’re sick?”

Joseph shakes his head weakly, not even enough to dislodge Robert’s hand. He’s still holding his breath, so he can’t answer with words. He just leans in, aiming for Robert’s mouth, intending to kiss him long and good enough to make him forget anything else. Robert pushes him back, hand at his head.

“You’re sick,” he says again, not a question this time.

“No, I’m not,” Joseph coughs out, gasping for air in between. “I just swallowed wrong. I’m fine, really.”

“Your eyes are glassier than mine late on a Friday night.”

“Try any night,” Joseph shoots back before he’s seized by another round of coughing. Robert grasps his shoulder, pulling him upright so he can rub his back in firm, soothing circles. Joseph rests his head on Robert’s chest, miserable.

“I know it’s the sickness makin’ you all mean and disagreeable, so I’m gonna let that one slide,” Robert says magnanimously. “Why didn’t you tell me you caught the plague?”

“I just woke up to it this morning,” Joseph rasps out, trying to speak carefully to avoid another fit. “I took medicine. It should kick in any minute.”

Robert snorts, inelegantly. “Bullshit. Only cure for this kinda thing is a solid coupla day’s sleep.”

Joseph makes a protesting noise that Robert mocks. “Robert, come on. We’ve been waiting for this. I cleaned the house!” Joseph lifts his head, imploring eyes meeting Robert’s. “I feel good enough for this, I swear. Just kiss me again.”

“I don’t want your germs.”

Robert laughs when Joseph pouts, ducking his attempts to draw him back into a kiss.

“Rob! We can’t waste this opportunity.” Joseph pauses, considering. “I shaved earlier.” He leans in, putting his lips to Robert’s ear, voice dropping enticingly. Minus the congested wheeze. “And not just my face.”

Robert groans, theatrically. “Don’t make it worse,” he scolds, turning his face into Joseph’s hair. “I’m not tellin’ you no because I want to.”

“So don’t tell me no,” Joseph wheedles, pressing his luck by trailing kisses along the column of Robert’s throat. He pretends the wetness he leaves behind is from his mouth and not his nose.

Robert is holding very still, hands resting against Joseph’s back, not encouraging but not discouraging, either. He lets Joseph find his mouth again, consenting to a deeper kiss than before. Joseph feels a thrill of victory, shifting closer, tilting his head to get a better angle. Robert’s fuller-than-normal beard tickles his nose, and Joseph sneezes. Just like that. No warning. Into Robert’s open mouth.

“Jesus Christ,” Robert sputters, jerking away. His beard is full of Joseph’s snot. He rubs a hand across his face, looking between Joseph and the hand in abject horror. Joseph stares back, mouth open to apologize, but the expression on his face is too good. Joseph bursts into laughter, gasping with it when Robert’s face settles into a heavy scowl.

Of course, he starts coughing before he can say anything, harsh and painful. Robert touches his back again, gently. “I’m gonna get you some water,” he says, sounding disgruntled but concerned. Joseph catches his hand as he stands.

“Cough drop?” he manages, falling back against the couch when Robert nods. His head is killing him again, not amenable to the frequent bouts of coughing. His throat feels like someone’s been walking around it in cleats, and not the soft spike kind. The sneeze cleared his sinuses briefly, but he can already feel them closing up again. Fucking colds.

Robert comes back with a tall glass of lukewarm water, guessing correctly that cold would be torture right now. He’s got a handful of troches, unwrapping one and handing it over when Joseph finishes his water. Joseph gives him a wane smile in thanks.

“Think you can make it upstairs?” Robert asks, pressing the back of his hand to Joseph’s forehead again, his own brow wrinkled in worry. “Probably be more comfortable.”

“I’m not going upstairs unless you promise to fool around with me,” Joseph insists, stubbornly. “Otherwise, the fresh sheets and candles and flowers are just going to depress me.”

“You got candles and flowers?” Robert asks, sounding amused. “I ain’t your girl, you know.”

“You’re my man,” Joseph counters, leaning into the touch when Robert’s hand slides down to cup his cheek. “I want to seduce you.”

“Sneezing in my face was a good start.”

Joseph huffs a laugh, turning his face into Robert’s hand, slightly embarrassed now that the amusement has faded. He knows Robert won’t hold it against him but still. How mortifying. “Let me make it up to you,” he implores, still going for sexy. “However you want. Whatever you like.”

Robert fixes him with a considering look. “I like those pajamas,” he admits, trailing a finger across the line of Joseph’s shoulders. “But what I’d really like is to just curl up with you in those fresh sheets of yours for a few hours.”

“Rob…”

“Hey, I’m tired too, kid,” Robert insists, still running his hands over Joseph’s chest. “I’m gonna need my rest if I’m gonna fight off whatever it is you’re trying so hard to give me.”

“I’m trying to give you my -” Robert covers Joseph’s mouth with a hand, eyebrow raised in amusement.

“We’ll see how you feel after some sleep, how’s that?” Robert promises, prodding Joseph until he stands, a little wobbly as his head swims. Robert fits himself under his arm, wrapping his own around Joseph’s waist tightly. “We can try the sneezing thing again. I could maybe get into it.”

“Rob,” Joseph groans, shuffling his way up the stairs at Robert’s behest. Rob just laughs, easing him down at the edge of the bed. He helps Joseph swing his legs up on the mattress, tucking the sheets around him once he’s situated. Joseph makes a helpless noise when he steps away, but Robert just winks at him, pulling his shirt over his head.

“I know I tell you this all the time, but today I mean it literally when I say you’re hot, baby.” Robert shucks his pants next, crossing to the other side of the bed before sliding in next to Joseph. “If I’m gonna sleep with you, I gotta lose some layers.”

“You could lose them all,” Joseph suggests, scooting closer to Robert and hooking a leg over both of his, trapping him beneath Joseph’s greater weight. He props himself up on an elbow, leaning in to share a honey-lemon flavored kiss. Robert catches his wandering hand before it can reach the waistband of his briefs.

“Nice try. Turn over.”

Joseph complies happily, flipping onto his stomach and smiling across the bed at Robert. Robert shakes his head, pulling at Joseph’s far shoulder until he’s up on his side, fitting himself in close to his back.

“I meant like this,” Robert clarifies, dropping an arm over Joseph’s waist. His hands, typically so warm and rough, feel almost cool against Joseph’s heated skin, as does his nose when he presses it to the back of Joseph’s neck.

Joseph settles back into him, shifting more than is strictly necessary just to feel the weight of Robert’s groin against his ass.

“Stop that,” Robert demands, gruffly, when it’s clear he isn’t doing the best job of ignoring him.

Joseph smiles at the wall, turning his head slightly to catch a glimpse of Robert in his periphery. He has his eyes firmly closed, but Joseph can see the tension in his mouth. He’s working so hard to keep himself in control. All Joseph would need to do is-

“I can hear you thinking. Go the fuck to sleep, Christiansen, or I’ll leave.” Robert softens the threat with a kiss at the juncture of Joseph’s neck and shoulder. His fingers brush over Joseph’s stomach, comforting. “It looks real romantic in here, by the way. You done good.” Joseph just sighs.

“I had plans, you know,” he tells Robert, mournfully, coughing a little. His head feels like it’s in a vice. “We weren’t going to leave the house all weekend. I stocked up on food and alcohol. And lube,” he adds, as an afterthought. “And not the boring kind, either. I got flavors, Rob. And the warming kind. And -”

“Joseph,” Robert whines. “Stop. We still aren’t going to leave all weekend. We’re gonna stay right here.” He pulls Joseph closer for emphasis. “This is good, baby.” He kisses across Joseph’s shoulders, beard scratching like Joseph knew it would.

Joseph sighs again, linking his fingers through the ones Robert has on his stomach. “Will you fuck me, like this, when we wake up?”

Robert makes a pained noise, hips pressing into Joseph’s ass briefly. Joseph grins. Everything he ever says is designed to wind Robert up. If he were feeling just a little stronger, he’d turn over and put Robert on his back. He knows he wouldn’t resist, at this point. But the sheets are still cool, and the pillow is so soft, and he really is so tired. And Robert feels so solid at his back, strong and hairy and heavy. At over six feet and two hundred pounds, there aren’t a lot of people who can make Joseph feel small. There’s no one in the world who can make Joseph feel small like Robert can, even if he’s technically the bigger of the two. His presence is just so big. It overwhelms all of Joseph’s senses. And those damn broad shoulders.

“I promise,” Robert is saying, voice muffled in Joseph’s neck, “we’ll get through at least one of those bottles of lube you bought this weekend. Even if it kills you.”

Joseph laughs, then coughs. Robert rubs his back apologetically.

“That’s generous of you,” he wheezes out, finally. Robert hugs him close, and Joseph closes his eyes, still cursing his luck but content with this. For now.

“Anything for you, darlin’.”

[itisneverahappyending]

A Raven Among Crows: Pt 7

You’re a woman disguised as a man at The Wall, but no one knows.

Part Six  Part Eight

(Y/N)= Your Name

(Y/L/N)= Your Last Name 

(Y/M/N)= Your Male Name

Warning: AINT NO ONE SAFE SON, AHHHHHHH, but in all seriousness, there is violation scene, you have be warned and stay safe down there. 

You forgot how much you hated sleeping with a bunch of men in a cold room. At least with the free folk you got to sleep some where near a fire and under furs with Tormund, just the two of you.

You waited until all the men are leaving, you lied there, most of them thought you were sick or wounded to move, so no teasing or mocking came from their mouths today. Once they all left, you let your hair down, brushed it, tied it in a bun and began binding your breasts. 

You and Jon had to go to the hall to talk about your journey with the wildlings, to see if both of you are traitors, or even worse, if Jon is going to confess for you and admit that you’re a woman in the watch. Either way, theres a death sentence waiting for you. 

In the room, you heard a noise. You turned around quickly as possible, but saw no one, instead you saw a mouse, running across the floor, you smiled and ignored the rest of the sounds. 

Meanwhile . . . 

Ygritte is sharping the edges of her arrows, thinking of Jon Snow and you. She is angry, wanting to kill Jon Snow, she couldn’t make up her mind if she wanted to kill you as well. 

Tormund, I'm the distance noticed her anger, “You plan on killing all the crows yourself?” he joked, but his face remained sullen. 

There is a moment of silence, a hawk caws in the distance. “Do you plan on sitting here scratching your balls till winter?” 

“We wait for Mance’s orders,” he said. 

“You sent a man over the Wall at the full moon. If he's not back yet, he’s not coming back,” she responded. 

“What is it you want? March on Castle Black with just this lot?” Tormund said, “Your pretty crow said a 1,000 men are nesting there.” 

“Yeah, well he’s a liar,” she snapped back. 

“He is?” he asked. “Shouldn't it be, ‘he was’?” 

Ygritte didn’t say anything, until she thought of you. “Same goes for (Y/N), huh? Is she a liar too?” 

Tormund remained silent, looked away and then back at her, “You said you put three arrows in him!” 

“I did!”

“I’ve seen you slip a shaft through a rabbit’s eye at 200 yards. If that boy’s still walking, it’s ‘cause you let him go.” 

She grinned, wanting to gain something on him. “I’ve seen you kill thousands of crows, but yet you were there in the rain trying to hold on to her, you could have killed her if you had the chance.”

A whistle is heard. 

All of the wildlings move froward towards the front of the area they’re resting at, preparing their weapons. Ygritte is ready to shoot as Tormund takes out his sword he stolen from the village man. 

Next thing they know, a bunch of skin headed men walked towards them with bags of rotting flesh. 

“Thenns, I fucking hate Thenns,” Tormund said, putting his sword back. 

The leader stepped forward as the rest of them are going towards the fires to cook whatever meat they had in their bags. 

“Mance sent you?” Tormund asked. 

The man grunted. 

“How did you find us?”

The man turned back to reveal he has a warg on his side, an owl. 

“You can from the South, not the North,” Tormund questioned. 

“Took a detour,” the Thenn replied. “Got some supper from a village down that way. Why does the meat down here taste so much better than it does on our side of the Wall?” 

“Help yourselves,” Tormund offered the rabbit’s meat in front of him. 

The man chuckled, shook his head no, “Maybe everything’s just better fed down here. Fat and lazy. Easier for us, hmmm?” he said, walking away from both Ygritte and Tormund and patted Torment’s shoulder. “You didn’t see us coming? Lost your warg? And that baby crow you had with you, along with the girl crow as well, lost both of them too?” 

Tormund and the Thenn are face to face. “I’ll answer to Mance,” Tormund stated. “I won't answer to you.” 

“She yours?” he asked, looking at Ygritte. 

“I’m not anybody’s,” she said. 

She fixated her bow on his neck, everyone of the Thenns paused and drew their weapons. He snarled, getting closer and started to laugh. 

“Too scrawny,” he said, looking at Tormund with a smile. “Not like those crows at Castle Black. Think of them stuck in their larders, stuffing their faces with ham and blood sausage and stew, getting nice and fat and marbled. Why, i’m getting hungry thinking about that girl crow, I bet she’s juicy in all the right places.” 

Tormented gestured to Ygritte to let down her bow, she did, he looked back at the Thenn, he was angry at the fact that another man would touch you besides him, even Ygritte was getting angry, she still loved you as a friend. 

“I know we’ve had our differences, Tormund,” he said, walking towards the fire they had full of their meat. “But just one time before you die, you really ought to try crow.” 

* * * 

An officer is yelling at the new recruits. 

“Draw, loose!” the man yelled, all the arrows are hitting the stuffed dummies on the other side. 

You’re walking with Sam to see Jon, Sam looked down in shame as if he wasn’t good enough to draw a bow. You patted his back, he looked at you and smiled. 

Next thing you knew, you’re both in the chamber Jon is resting at, getting dressed. Your heart broke at the news of King Robb Stark’s death, Jon’s brother. 

“Last time I saw him, he was in the courtyard at Winterfell. He said, ‘next time I see you, you’ll be all in black’. I was jealous of Robb my whole life,” Jon said, putting on his shirt but winced at the pain. “The way my father looked at him, I wanted that. He was better than me at everything -- fighting and hunting and riding and girls. Gods, the girls loved him. I wanted to hate him, but I never could.”

There is pause, you looked around the room, feeling sorry for Jon Snow. 

“Sometimes I want to hate you,” Sam said. You and Jon both looked at him. “Well, you’re better than me at everything. Except reading.” 

You and Jon both chuckled at Sam’s comment. 

“They’re -- they’re ready for you both,” he said. 

You and Jon both looked at each other. 

“Sam, can you leave Jon and I alone for a moment, we’ll be right there,” you asked.

Sam nodded at your request and exited the room, closing the door behind him. “Are you going to tell them, Jon Snow?” you asked. 

“Tell them what?” 

“That i’m a girl, don’t play stupid with me.” 

Jon hesitated, not knowing what to say. Instead he walked over to you and pulled you into a hug. “You’re a girl I understand that much, but you’re still my brother, I would never betray my brother,” he said. 

You didn’t hug him back until what he said, you embraced him, feeling his warmth and he did the same for you. 

“I’ll back you up, every step of the way,” you said, you felt Jon squeeze you tighter. 

He pulled away and looked at you for a moment, you hated to admit that Jon Snow is rather handsome and made you blush. He coughed. “Uh, your bandages, fixed them before we go,” he said. 

You did just that with Jon Snow’s back towards you, once you were ready, you both decided to go. 

“He’s wanted to hang me for a while. Now’s his chance,” he said, exiting the room to see Sam. 

“What did he say?” Sam asked. 

“He said they’re going to hang him,” you replied. 

“No one’s going to hang you, you’ve done nothing wrong,” Sam said towards Jon. 

Jon walked further in front of you, “I’ve done plenty wrong.” 

* * * 

“So you admit you murdered Qhorin Halfhand? As (Y/M/N) watched?” Thorne questioned you and Jon. 

“I didn’t murder him,” Jon said. 

“No? You put your sword through a brother of the Night’s Watch. What do you call that?” 

“He wanted to me to kill him,” Jon said. 

“A bastard son of a traitor. What would you expect?” the man beside him said, his name is Slynt, bald headed man with an all white scruffy beard. 

“The Halfhand believed our only chance to stop Mance was to get a man, even two men inside of his army.”

“Don’t talk about the Halfhand as if you knew him, he was my brother!” Thorne said. 

“Then you’d know he’d do anything to defend the Wall. The Free Folk would have boiled him alive but letting me him . . .” Jon’s words were cut off. 

“The Free Folk? Listen to him, he even talks like a wildling now,” Slynt said. 

“Aye! I talk like a wildling, I ate with the wildlings. I climbed the Wall with the wildlings. I --” he stopped for a moment, looked at the rest of the men in the room. “I lied with a wildling girl.” 

Everyone in the room stirred, the men all looked at you next. “You laid with a woman on the other side of the Wall as well?” Thorne asked. 

Technically, no you didn’t . . . you laid with a man. “No, I did not lie with a wildling girl,” you said. 

Jon stepped forward, the men liked you but never liked Jon enough. 

“You admit to breaking your vows, then?” Slynt asked. 

“I do,” Jon said. 

“The law is law. The boy must die,” Slynt suggested. 

“If we beheaded every ranger who lay with a girl, the all would be manned by headless men,” Maester Aemon said. 

“Theres a difference betweens sneaking off to the Mole’s Town bethel and sleeping with the enemy,” Thorne said. 

“While we sit here, debating which rules I broke, which rules (Y/M/N) broke, Mance Rayder marchers on the Wall with an army of 100,000.”

“Impossible,” Thorne stated. “You can’t get 50 wildlings together before they start killing each other.”

“100,00. He’s united the Thenns,” you stated. 

Jon looked at you. “The Hornfoots, the Ice-river clans, he has giants fighting for him.” 

Slynt laughed, “Giants?”

“Have you ever been beyond the Wall, ser?” Jon asked. 

“I commanded the City Watch of King’s Landing, boy,” he said. 

“Well, now you’re here. You must have not been very good at your job,” you said. 

The man stood up aggressively, “How dare you!?” 

Jon started talking about his journey, you zoned out once again, not wanting to hear any of it. You wanted to disappear and hid, you wanted to be with Tormund, the thought of him made you melt. 

Once all the stir is over, Jon said his words. “Do you intend to execute me and (Y/M/N) or are we free to go?” Jon asked. 

“None of us are free,” Aemon said. “We are men of the Night’s Watch . . . but we won't be taking your head today, Jon Snow. Go on!”

Jon bowed but looked at you for a moment, “But what about (Y/M/N)?” 

Thorne looked at you and Jon, he seemed to have a soft smile. 

“We have a source, a friend that says your friend is a liar, we don’t know what (Y/M/N) is lying about, but we’re about the find out.” 

Your heart is racing, through the doors was a young skinny looking boy. You didn't recognized him at all, in fact, he looked like a complete stranger to you. 

“Do you know who this boy is, (Y/M/N)?” Slynt asked with a cocky smile. 

“No, i’m afraid I do not know who this man is,” you said, honest and truthful. 

The boy was thin and small, very scrawny looking boy with pale skin, dark hair and milky blue eyes. 

“Apparently, you and the rest of the men sleep in the same room, along with him. He stated that you were resting in bed, which is fine. But when he came back he saw you, undressing,” Thorne said. 

His words sent chills down your body. Your skin is pale and your eyes are wide, you wanted to fall to your knees and beg for mercy or forgiveness in a way. 

“Who exactly are you?” Slynt said. 

You looked at Jon, he is just as shocked as you are, he too is frozen. How can you expect Jon to lie for you now, he kept his word but now he can’t seem to protect you from the truth. 

Thorne stood up, walked over in front of you, leaning in closer. Slynt as well approached you, you were shaking. 

“Who are you?!” Thorne yelled. 

You were frozen, but in the matter of moments, Thorne grabbed you by the arm aggressively and pushed opened the doors and led everyone to the court yard, Jon followed trying to help you but couldn't. 

“Call everyone, down here now!” Slynt commanded. 

Next thing you know, all of the boys and men are there, you look to see Jon, Sam, Grenn and Pyp’s face, scared. 

“You all know this man! Or so you thought. This is the man you’ve all been fighting with, a man who swore a vow!” Thorne yelled, he took out his dagger. 

He cut the hair tie that was holding all your hair together, your long hair is exposed, everyone is still confused, you felt the tears sting the inner corner of your eye. 

“Please! I’ll do anything,” you begged softly, Thorne couldn’t hear you. 

He made you get on your knees, with his dagger, started to cut your leathers and clothes, Slynt helped him, they cut open the top of it and cut your binds as well so your breasts aren’t being held anymore. 

The men couldn’t see anything, you cried and all you heard was your crying and all you saw was your clothes flying everywhere. Then, Slynt and Thorne stepped back to take a look at you. 

Your chest is exposed with a bit of the leathers and the binds covering your nipples. All of the men gasped, Jon looked away.

“Who are you?” Thorne asked one last time. 

You cried, sobbing for it to all stop, you tried to pick yourself up but you didn't have the courage to, instead you’re holding yourself up with your hands and knees. 

Maester Aemon came, he seemed upset and mostly disgusted. 

“My name is (Y/N),” you said softly. 

“Louder!” Slynt commanded. 

“My name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!” you yelled, sobbing even more. 

All of the men are gawking at you, you tried to cover your chest the best you could for you are cold and shaking from the cold itself. 

“There is no need to be hostile towards this young lady!” Amen said. 

Thorne looked disgusted, “She’s a traitor,” he said, he took a moment to look at you and then with his right foot, he kicked you in the gut hard that you fell and started to cough aggressively. 

You gripped the snow so hard on the ground that the water slipped under your fingernails. 

“Stop it! Leave her alone!” Jon yelled, rushed over to your and guarded you. 

“Get out of my way, bastard,” Thorne said, drawing his sword. “She must die.” 

“Why! She’s a woman, she said every vow, she protected me and the many other men here!” Jon said. 

You looked up at him, you can see him through your tears, his hand is in the air, ready to catch the sword if it shall fall. You looked to see Sam, Grenn and Pyp rush over as well, protecting you. 

“Her watch isn’t over,” Grenn said. 

“She is a brother, now and always,” Pyp said as well. 

“S-She can cook, clean and sow! As you can see, she is very good a sword too,  she is a brother of the Night’s Watch,” Sam said, shaking. 

Thorne hesitated, Slynt looked at you in disgust. 

“They’re right,” Ameon said, he walked over to you, the boys moved and so did Thorne, he put his hand out. “Come, we need to get you all cleaned up.”

You were shaken, you didn’t say anything other than take his hand gently and got up yourself. Jon and Sam helped you, while Pyp and Grenn didn’t know what to do. 

“From now on, this woman is part of the Night’s Watch, she is your fellow brother or more like . . . sister. You keep your sister safe, is that clear?” Ameon said loudly. 

Thorne spit into the snow, he agreed. You looked at Slynt who agreed as well, the rest of the men? They just looked at you, some of them agreed and some of them had more . . . different intentions in their heads. 

* * * 

You sat there in the room with Maester Ameon, they found you an old black dress, they gave you a longer cloak and a scarf to cover you more. Your eyes are puffy and red. Sam is there bandaging your hand when you fell. 

“You’ll be okay . . . (Y/N)?” Sam said, asking if it was okay to call you by your female name. 

“It’s okay Sam, you can call me by my first name, I’m okay,” you said, wiping your eyes with a cloth. 

“I’m sorry (Y/N), I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from Thorne,” Jon said. 

You gestured Sam you’re okay, you walked over to Jon, face to face. “You’re going to have to protect me now more than ever,” you said. 

Jon grabbed you and hugged you. “I promise,” he said. 

Later in the night, Grenn and Pyp gathered your things and found you a small room by yourself with a lock. A bath tub with a small window to look out into the courtyard. It was a small and cramped room, you only had a couple of candles to light up the room, the rules where to keep your door locked once you head to bed and you had to head to bed early, wake up early to get started on the meals and had to serve Thorne and Slynt the most. 

You wanted to fight, be on the training field with Jon for the upcoming battle, you sneak a sword once and while to practice in your room. You tried not to talk back, and be grateful they have’t beaten you up yet. 

Days have passed, you’re locked in the room once again, night as fallen. You’re crying, you wanted to be warm with Tormund, you wished he find a way to you. In the window, you can see the snow start to fall, you looked at it closely. The truth was, you were miserable. 

You hear a knock on the door, you knew not to answer any knock until the sun was up, but yet you couldn’t help wonder who it was. 

“Go away,” you said.

“It’s me, Jon, please (Y/N), let me in,” he said. 

You recognized his voice, you un locked the door and opened it to see Jon there with bread and cheese. 

“You didn’t join us for dinner tonight,” Jon stated. 

“Every time I serve those men they try to lift up my dress, Slynt has been getting , , , touchy lately. Thorne won’t stop looking at me, I can’t tell if he hates me or wants to fuck me. I can’t stand sitting between Thorne and Ameon, Ameon won't hurt me, but it’s a rather boring conversation and Thorne, small talk about how horrible I am,” you said, looking down. 

Jon laid the bread and cheese on the small table, deep down you knew Jon felt guilty in a way. You closed the door and locked it, you offered Jon a seat and he taken in, you started to eat the bread and cheese, starving for you didn’t eat all day. 

“It’ll get better, I promise, I know it will, if not . . . the wildlings will march on Castle Black, killing everyone and you can escape with Tormund,” he said. 

You looked at him, shocked. “He’s going to kill me, if not him then Ygritte will. If not her, the men who try to flee will come to find me, I know it, but if they win, I will run as fast as I can with a sword and bow . . .” your words trailed off. “Jon Snow can you please stay with me tonight?” you asked. 

Jon didn’t know what to say, even he was shocked. 

“Jon Snow I'm not asking you to bed me, I'm just asking for you to stay with me tonight, or at least until I fall asleep,” you said. 

He nodded and looked away. You got dressed into your small undress, still long and warm enough. You crawled into bed, Jon sat at the edge of your bed watching you. 

Your eyes got heavy and you eventually fell asleep. Meanwhile, Jon looked at you. He smiled and rubbed your head. 

“I know you can’t hear me, but you remind me so much of my little sisters, both of them . . . I promise I will protect you,” he said. He kissed the top of your head  and kept guard the rest of the night for you. 

***What!! Yeah man I’m on a roll now, I'm thinking tomorrow I will upload part 8 because it’s what almost everyone has even waiting for! I am super excited to be back here with this amazing series, going to spend the rest of the day watching game of thrones now because season 7 is coming and I need to remind myself how strong I am from all the deaths in season 6. But anyways here you go lovelies! Tags are below of people who want to be tagged in any of my writings or in this series! If you too would liked to be tagged in my writings or in this series, let me know! Have a beautiful and blessed day and happy Fourth of July to everyone in the states!!*** 

Tags: @acciomarvel @qrangcr 

[sprague-dawley]

fiftyweasels

" I’m always conflicted between what I think is appealing and what I know other people like because they’re completely different " < theres your problem! The thing is, that unless you're doing industry work, it doesn't matter what other people will like. If you draw something unapologetically "you" and draw it often, you WILL pull in an audience. I have no doubts the "anti appeal" you're claiming exists is a product of trying to do 2 conflicting things

I suppose... not to sound like a shallow fuck but it matters to me what people like. I’m not good at self-motivating or really anything where my own opinion is the metric for quality or fact (why I can’t navigate any fuckin identity shit whatsoever haha), I can only judge things based on other people and what other people tell me is that the way I do things Sucks. So making something just for myself feels like wasting time because all I’m doing is making myself unhappy, and nobody else likes it either. Does that make sense...?

also, if you're worried about art turning people off of a webcomic, don't. People care WAY more about regular updates and completion and freshness, and you don't get freshness by pandering. I mean, The Homestuck got ridiculously popular and Hussie never learned to color and his base sprites were never that appealing. It's more about how enthusiastically you can sell it.

Hussie ABSOLUTELY pandered to his audience though... I mean the art wasn’t ever great so I guess that’s something... but like my subject matter isn’t popular and my art is unappealing so what draw would anything I make even have? People have to decide to look at it for some reason...

as for style imitations, don't do them for perfectionism, do them to better understand something you want to rip off or experiment with something you might want to rip off. And creating "your own style" is not something done off the top of your head, it's something you develop and steer your art towards over time. You already have your own style for sure, it's very distinctive. You don't see it because it's how you construct your stuff naturally and therefore seems like

the most "normal" approach in your own mind. I used to have a lot of style angst if you remember me own deviantart days, but pretty much none of the times I sat down and told myself "I'm going to MAKE MY OWN STYLE!" did I actually make any progress. It was more of a process of like, "I'm going to draw this feature slightly differently" and then bit by bit carving out "my style" by running with what seemed to work and axing what didn't. It was like 80% unconscious.

To do that successfully though, you need to get comfortable with experimenting and being able to let a piece be what it is if it isn't turning out perfect. More bad experimental drawings, less polished on model ones, etc. SO GET CRACKIN ON THAT LEARNED LAZINESS, KATIE, AND JOIN US IN THE PIT

I’m doing that more and it doesn’t seem to be any help whatsoever. I’m being lazy and my art sucks still. I’m being experimental and it looks awful and honestly not that different. I don’t know how to push myself because whenever I do in a really obvious way I freak out and cry (literally) because it looks so awful. When I do it less so it just looks bad. When I don’t it looks bad. It just looks bad, all the time.

Besides when I let myself be too lazy I just feel like I’m getting worse. I already have enough bad habits and I can feel myself getting worse at art when I don’t push myself. Polish is the only thing that could conceivably be a draw for my art and without it it’s just bad art.

skittycatz

This post is filled with wrong information and lies! Your stuff IS good and it has been getting easier, you cranked out a zillion headshots while you were here and they all kicked so much ass and everyone loved them!

Yeah I got into a groove with those, but they’re just headshots. I was also feeling pretty bad about them but trying not to show it...

To be honest I feel especially bad about the expressions... my expressions aren’t good and on the headshots they’re especially lacking and I really don’t think I can do people’s characters any justice. I felt then and now that I’m like the worst person possible to do them. I feel like I do the game and people’s characters a disservice because I think the players would like a different, more charismatic and stylized style more and I just can’t draw good designs well at all, I’m too literal-minded and uncreative.

God, I’m sorry for complaining so much. I appreciate you guys talking to me even when I whine so god damn much...

[mousepatrol]

8.8.17

so the reason im not posting this on the correct day is because our power is out right now. I completely forgot, but our powers supposed to be out from 8pm to 3pm which is completely stupid because the sun goes down right at 8 so that’s when I would need to start using it. I mean, they could have done it at around midnight when all reasonable people are asleep, or at least ten, when people are usually done eating and theyre just hanging out. You know? Also Im using word for this so that’s why things are being autocorrected

so, my day. Trash galore, folks.

I turned off my alarm last night because I didn’t think it was doing me any good and I was getting worried that I was just making myself sleep deprived for when school starts, so I went to bed around 3 or maybe even 4 (cant even fucking remember why at this point, I didn’t have shit to do) and then I woke up at 1145. Could have been worse but also could have been a lot better. So I wasn’t that tired bc I hadn’t been woken up 120000 times and I managed to actually be awake for a while. I fucked around on the computer for an hour and then made some pasta because apparently I cant eat anything else anymore. My appetite is shit

I ate like… only half of my food before I had to get ready to leave bc my mom was having a showing of the house and that means I have to leave. So I decided I was just going to go to the gym oh but I forgot something happened while I was going downstairs to cook

I made a short textpost about this already but I ran into my mom (who was in my brothers bathroom and I therefore thought she wasn’t home) and she told me that my dad had cancelled the flight he had for when I go back to school. So basically he was going to come out with me and help me move in even though I told him I wouldn’t really need that much help this time, since I already have all of my stuff and my new place is furnished. But when I had just gotten home, he insisted, and so he booked a flight with me. Also my parents told me that my car should be low on gas when I put it in storage so it was and it turns out that’s completely wrong so he was going to help me with my car also. It needs to go to the shop too just for like oil and stuff

Um so yeah apparently hes the biggest baby ever and my mom still wanted me to apologize to him and I think I did a good job of telling her that no, I should not apologize for my tiny bad thing (telling my dad several times to be quiet in increasingly sarcastic ways, bc I was watching jeopardy and he would not stop talking and I cant hear it when hes talking bc bad ears) when he wont even apologize for calling me a piece of shit and running away upstairs and banging things around and making me scared. That’s not acceptable and even though I recognize that I could have handled it better, I think that my response of annoyance (after days upon days of him doing this same thing while I try to tell him to not) was reasonable and honestly the things I said caused no harm. I wasn’t making fun of him. I was ONLY making jokes that had to do with the clues and turning them into ways of telling him to be quiet because I cant hear. I did tell him more nicely to be quiet in the beginning though. I really did. But he just wont stop with this shit and I don’t have infinite patience, even though it’s a lot better than I used to be

Um so yeah. Ok I wrote that for the last paragraph, interesting. But I mean im not mad about him not going, its not like I wanted him there anyway and I knew it would make me very uncomfortable and he would have to get a hotel bc theres nowhere for him to sleep, but its still a bit jarring and frankly just awful that he did that instead of either telling me okay and being quiet or I don’t know, saying im gonna leave the room while you watch it then bc I cant be quiet. Either of those would have been fine but instead of thinking internally about the things he was doing, he projected stuff onto me and just called me a piece of shit. I don’t really know how you can do that as a parent. I cant help but critique him, but at least im not just insulting him. You know? Is that reasonable? Ugh. But anyway, turns out theres a 711 right next to the storage place so if my car is out of gas I can either use the tiny bit that’s left to get it over to 711 or just like get gas from there and bring it to my car. Either way it is possible. I also just need someone to pick me up from the airport but my mom said she would figure that out. So, really, im fine. It’s the circumstance that is just very upsetting, you know. Its just not something that needed to happen and now im mad/scared of him for the rest of the time im here and im just over it as hell

Ok… so I ate lunch and then got ready for the gym bc that’s where I was going. So I went and then I actually went to target first bc I was out of soap, so I got better smelling soap than the one I had last and some more conditioner bc I was also out and I got a pair of comfy shorts that are a little too small for my ass but ill make due because I need more than one pair of shorts. And those other shorts really don’t fit me, I cannot wear them out lol. Then I went to the gym bc it was arm day and that went pretty well and I did it pretty quick so it was tiring for sure. And I came back and had a nice shower and sang against me! Songs really loud because I got tickets to see them in October that Im really psyched about and I just want to listen to them more. Oh man I love laura jane grace she is just so wonderful omg I am so glad to have her in the community its wonderful

So after all of that I went downstairs to get the rest of my pasta that I had put in the fridge, and it was like 6pm and I realized I probably didn’t want to be downstairs tonight so I also got some crackers and cheese and fruits snacks and extra water because I wasn’t sure if I was going to get to eat again (I probably only ate 500 calories today im upset L). So then I went upstairs to eat and I watched the great british bake off which is really nice and I quite like it a lot. Its calming and fun. After that I did a reply because dex replied to two of my threads today so I got one out for him since I want to get that thread going, aaaand about thirty minutes after that the power went off at eight. I had seriously forgotten about that so I don’t know, I kind of just accepted my fate

Im not really sure what exactly happened there, because I felt like I was fine before (was legit browsing dildos online lmfao like I was just bored yknow) but when the power was out I got kind of upset and just… took my plush cow and sat on my bed as the sun went down and just. Stared. Catherine, bless her fucking heart, texted me after like 30 minutes out of the blue so I luckily I had her to talk to for at least a little while. I was feeling shitty before yeah now that I think about it, after my shower I was upset and felt like I was gonna cry but I didn’t and I just sent james some snaps and he said he was gonna text me but he didn’t and that’s ok I think he went to bed because he didn’t open my other snaps. Its ok. He doesn’t need to contact me every minute for me to know that he cares. I love him so much and I sent him a quick text just to tell him that because I always do that when I feel bad just because eventually he replies and it always makes me feel good.

Ok so I cried like two times between eight and nine thirty when I was just sitting there, laying on my bed and texting Catherine about when school starts. I just felt really down because I remember having to turn the lights off around ten and it doesn’t really get a lot darker than it does in the summer at eight (I mean ten during schooltime when I was younger) and I just remember not having any light and no one to talk to or text and I couldn’t read and my parents would lock my computer out at ten so I couldn’t talk to anyone and I just remember being very very lonely and feeling like no one cared about me and not being able to talk to the people that I felt like truly did care about me. So I remember doing a lot of crying in bed in the evenings when I was like 12-16 and its just really sad, you know? i would cry myself to sleep a lot and all I could do was lay there and listen to music because ive always been really bad at sleeping so it would never come at ten even if I really wanted to sleep then. It just didn’t happen. So sitting there in my bed tonight just made me feel like this little kid trapped in this room and I cant go downstairs because im scared of people being bad to me and I cant go out and in my room I have to sit in the dark and its just all very bad. I forgot about all of that. Im an adult now and I can have the lights on when I want but I guess its upsetting for me to not be in control of that

Come to think of it, its also very upsetting when people tell me to go to bed. I talked to this one girl in my rp a lot (she doesn’t talk to me that much now, she talks to another person, I don’t know why and I do feel lonelier now but I guess she wasn’t that nice to talk to anyway so im alright) and if I was up when she woke up (8hhr time difference) she would spam me messages telling me to go to bed and I already knew my schedule but she wouldn’t shut up. I don’t know, that’s just something

Also I hate hearing people say my name. it makes me flinch every time and I think someones going to scream at me. I think that’s half the reason I wanted to change my name when I was going through gender stuff. I just didn’t want to hear that name anymore. Which is sad. Because I do love it, and maybe its not so bad when im not in this house bc its just my parents voices saying my name that really bothers me

So after 930 I went downstairs and got a candle and brought it up and I did a bit of drawing but it got annoying after about half an hour. At some point my dad came to my door and said something that I didn’t understand, so I didn’t say anything and he went away. Then I read catcher in the rye for about an hour (only got through like 35 pages) and now im writing this entry on whats left of my computer battery. Im charging my phone off of this just so it has power, since it was dying, and it looks like I have at least part of an episode of skam saved onto here so I guess im just going to watch that until I fall asleep because I always fall asleep to youtube videos. Im going to have to download some movie or something onto here so that I have that to fall asleep to in case if something like this happens again. Ok I know this was long but theres a lot of good stuff in there so hopefully this will help in therapy or something later. Things are really rough mentally right now and I just want to go home, you know. Ive wanted to go home for absolutely years, though. Idk where home is. bye

[souichipresents]

Souichi Presents: Tomie, tOmie, toMie....

Kyahaha! Welcome, welcome back to Souichi Presents! The home of a true madman's task... to one day have reviewed every single Junji Itou story ever made! However... perhaps if you’ve noticed, even leaving aside the holiday hiatus, there’s been an unusual uptick in Non Mr. Itou Reviews. 

Why would this be? Well, I could say that I try to take in new horror as much as possible, to keep refreshed... but if I had to be honest in myself, it’s possible... I might be avoiding something. 

THERE'S JUST SO MANY OF HER. THEM. THESE STORIES. There’s so many of them. But that can’t stop me in my sacred duty because I swore an OATH... well I had a random idea when I was a freshman in college which I picked back up again for absolutely no reason I can recall and I’m sticking to it. 

Of course this is a labor of love, make no mistake. And there’s still a lot to love, as we get to... 

JUNJI ITOU’s, TOMIE: THE BASEMENT

(See part 1, MORITA HOSPITAL, here.)

Alright so if you weren’t here for the last part of this series, here’s a QUICK rundown. 

A girl is in the hospital while her not-boyfriend visits, until oh no! Tomie does that weird thing she does where her only enjoyment in stringing dudes along eems to be tormenting girls about it which isn’t weird at all. Sad hopsital girl is very sad, and also absolutely dying from Vauge Anime Organ Failure. But luckily for her, she’s able to get a transplant! Bad news, it’s a Tomie, signed off for the transplant from the sketchiest man alive claiming to be Tomie’s father. Again. Which is creepy because he is 100% actually the teacher from the very first Tomie story who may have impregnated her, was absolutely dating her, and 1000% killed her. So that’s creepy. 

Then it ended with ‘everyone with a uterus screamed internally during THIS bit’, alternate title ‘Aliens but with Tomie’. Now that we’re all caught up... 

(remember this is one of the very early translations, back when official publishers mirrored the art, so it’s left to right. God forgive us.)

Oh right, so this is early EARLY translation here, so it’s left-to-right again. My favorite part of this is that if theres a RUMOR about this, it indicates two things, really: one is that a patient happened to SEE this, which is just hilariously terrible. You get up, maybe getting some water, see- oh hey they’re operating and hhHOOOPS THATS A TINY HAND BYEEEE. 

Or option two: just some real gossipy nurses. “You would not BELEIVE the shit I put up with... yeah between this and whoever put the plastic wrap over the toilet seat, I’m out. I don’t care if it includes dental.”

...sorry, the heck is this?

Why it’s Fumihito! He’s... totaly unrelated to the story so far, and any future stories! But he’s sure here now. Good for you, Fumihito. 

Sure I make fun, but I’m pretty sure he might actually make it out of this ALIVE. Maybe the secret to surviving Tomie is to lack personality. Well he has one personality trait: checking out creepy things for No Reason. It might not get you very far at a party, but it;s gangbusters for moving a horror plot along. 

Well so much for my recap. This one’s probably more factual. Also can I just say I appreciate how in stride these doctors are taking this? Maybe they got all their ‘NO, THIS CAN’T BE’ out of their systems earlier. 

Well this has to be better then the goldfish bowl of hydrocloric acid the last tomie head was in. But whatever THIS is is... opaque... but not from... this side...?

....Mr. Ito, did you just have worries about drawing the doctors through the water at an angle? Well, god knows I wouldn’t want to. 

Now this is interesting, because it’s really the only go at a scientific explanation for Tomie’s... tomieness. But all he’s *really* saying is, hey, she can regenerate! I don’t think the real secret to this story is that Tomie turns out to be a large pile of planarians. ...though that would be amazing. 

...though it does speak badly for earths survival rate... do you eventualy wind up with a Tomie ‘apocalypse’? Crowds of tomies... gigantic tomies, like terrible lighthouses of adoration? Who knows, maybe every second tomie just kind of wanders into the ocean to keep overpopulation down... but still, you imagine it ends poorly. 

Yes well luckily rules don’t apply to NOSY MALE PROTAGONIST MAN! Able to use his amazing powers to satisfy his own vauge curiosity with a single bound. 

“And why are you in my room exactly?” “Plot contrivance! Need a character to follow to see the story happen, you know.” “...Isn’t that *me*?” “Don’t... don’t worry about it. 

This really highlights the difference in horror as a genre, you know? In most other stories someone being able to miraculously heal from major surgery would be a GOOD thing. Or at least even odds. 

See also: reading mysterious books, talking to strange new people, investigating odd noises. Don’t blame horror protags for doing those things; any other genre going into the magic furniture leads to narnia instead of hell. 

Similarly, only in horror is it possible for cancer to not be the worst outcome.

Now, I do feel the urge to make a joke here about just deciding to irradiate the monster why not, but they do actually have a logical train of thought here. They’re assuming something like cancer is happening; so they’re trying to see if radiation therapy could destroy the cells. 

WHICH is in turn interesting to me, because the “rules” of Tomie aren’t... clear. But they do seem to work. For the record-

Acid works. Fire works but you gotta be REAL thorough. Cutting is the opposite of working, bludgeoning not really much better. Water- laughable. Poison- untried. Concrete- ???? Radiation... well you’ll see in a minute. 

Meanwhile we get more of this. You wanted more of this, right? 

Tadashi sucked. Suuuuucked. This guy... exists. 

This does clarify a little more about her- it sounds like she has kind of a lonely life. ...I’m also going to throw this guy a bone and assume whatever he said in the original japanese might have been more of a “Oh, is that right?” then... that. 

Oh right, the monster. Radiation turns out to just make Tomie go from a kind of head-disaster to “barbie doll left on the stove.” Why? It’s a little late to want a scientific reason why THIS happens, because tomie already endlessly self replicates with no apparent need for outside energy... kind of. 

More then a few times we see her eating things (people) to regenerate from, but theres also times where nothing like thats around. Maybe having outside energy just speeds it up...? Or maybe she’s a nonsense curse monster. 

You know, I really didn’t think I’d like RE7 when the demo was out, but I like a lot of what they wound up doing with it in the main game. 

...And you are....?

Okay. Y’all. My dear friends. I love these comics. I love mr. Ito. I do. But we spend FOUR PAGES on, essentially, “Freddy hears noises behind the door, and briefly sees a walking figure.” I’m hitting the fast forward. 

There she is. The crux of this mystery- this and so many more. A living ghost? An endlessly self replicating memory? The guilt and fixation of a murderer imprinted into a endlessly replicating form? The grief of a murdered (pregnant!) teen girl horrifically cut down by a man?

If nothing else, a strange naked girl, in a fishtank, in a hospital basement he just saw a dude walk out of. What a strange sight. What a genuinely beautiful panel, highlighting a subtle, aberrant moment. 

...well. I mean, from a meta point of view, he took the safest available route, but... you can’t help but be disappointed, right?

Well Tomie has better things to do anyways. People to see. Short haired girls to loom over. 

No seriously, always with the short haired girls. Tomie has a.... type? Is that even what you could call it?

I’m not sure it really is about Tadashi, Tomie. I’m not really sure it is. 

Speaking of which, this is actually really unusual for Tomie. While she tends to generate terrible violence and suffering around her, I can’t really think of any time when she actually directly attacks someone. Usually she would have male ‘lackeys’ that she’d assign or manipulate to kill someone for her. This is an unusually direct motion on her part. 

Hey remember when she had slightly curly hair? We’re in the odd midpoint art wise where her design takes a odd turn. I can never figure out if it’s just a drift, or if it’s closer to how Mr. Ito wanted Tomie to look. 

Anyways it was nice knowing you, Dr. McDoctorson. 

Meanwhile, this is going to get a lot worse, and never get better. Note the interesting framing of the flowers here. I wish I knew if this was made before or after Dying Young. It feels like a very similar story thread, but Dying Young focuses more cleanly on the specific idea of ‘an illness making you beautiful, but at a terrible cost’. While this is... well. Tomie tomie tomie tomie. 

In the meantime, the doctors have been debating if tomie material can be used to cure illnesses (spoiler: hhhhooo boy no), and our main character went to visit John Smithee here. Who... does... this. 

...What the hell is he talking about? Her only personality change is she’s suddenly a little happier, and flirting with him. Also, he’s the one who’s been nonsensical in her grill hitting on her? Is this supposed to be like, ~oh I liked you for how you looked before~. 

I hate that. I hate every half-witted story where some boy is praised for seeing a girls ~natural beauty~. Like the discover of a girl is more important then whatever her plans for how she wants to look and feel are. And while this isn’t exactly because she just straightened her hair and got makeup, he doesn’t actually know that. So it just... grates on me. Endlessly. 

WHY IS THIS DUDE IN THIS STORY. 

Like this is supposed to be GASP TOMIE IS TAKING HER OVER but the problem is I don’t LIKE him, and his reason for turning her down is as shallow as anything Tomie has literaly ever said. 

It’s not sweet! And he has no functional personality. This story is supposed to be about her, but because she’s going through this transformation, it feels like he’s there so we see it from outside her point of view. But he just... sucks. 

Me too, totes-not-Tomie. 

Yeah his investment in how much more docile and quiet she was before really makes me feel the emotional weight of this terrible transformation coming over her. Which I guess is really my problem. 

This horrible thing happening to HER is being framed in how it’s affecting HIM. How HE feels about how she looked and behaved. And I could not care. Less. 

WHY CAN’T WE SEE MORE OF HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THIS. 

meanwhile, Tomie accidentally saves many, many lives by getting rid of the other half of Kidney-Kaijulet, because these morons were going to inject more people with Tomie. 

Then this happens, and it kind of sucks. Even though it’s ~tomie~ and she’s evil or whatever... it... just kind of sucks. Which I guess is what winds up wearing me down in this series. We’re not short of media where ladies get hit and killed a lot. And I fully recognize there is context for this series as existing in japan that I’m not privy to, and will never actually be able to speak to. 

But to me, what the Tomie series has thats genuinely something different gets overshadowed by the monotony of the violence in it. For how little Mr. Ito work in later years includes outright slasher type violence, Tomie just... keeps goin. 

Also, she keeps dying but Creeper Teacher Dude here keeps being alive still, which also Just Sucks. 

Blink and you’ll miss it, here’s the whole reason any of this happened! It’s... this shithead again. Womp womp. 

Unintentionaly this might be the funniest page Ito has ever made. Poor bearded doctor just. 

WHY ARE YOU CUTTING HER UP? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WI- WHY THE FUCK DO *YOU* HAVE A CAN OF GASOLINE. WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING. I SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN THE JOB IN KURÔZU-CHO. 

Also.... “squeak squeak?” That cannot possibly be the right sound effect. 

...alright this guys a total shitstain in five directions, but this is also pretty funny. He’s basically doing a Loony Toons exit in a dark horror story. 

Don’t listen to that too long by the way, it’s kind of hypnotic. 

And this... this one page makes, to me, the whole rest of the story.... 

The intensity of the reveal. The tight closeups from her face to his, the way she seems contained inside the arc of the fire. The slant of the panels around them- leading to such a sense of unease, and drawing the eye.  

This. This is a beautiful horror moment. 

What a strange moment. Do they leave together? I don’t remember if he comes back again, though I suspect he must. What happens to her....? 

Is she really completely gone?

And that, at last, is the end of BASEMENT. 

This is a really muddled one for me. I feel like theres so MUCH in it I could enjoy, but somehow it both has too many ideas, and feels stuffed with filler. 

I’d loved to see some of these ideas. A hospital researching tomie? A girl being corrupted BY tomie and slowly losing her sense of self...? Those are both amazing ideas that I wish had been their own stories. I wish the girl becoming tomie had kept the lense on HER. On how she felt, on what she was doing. 

I think in a way I find this pair of chapters to be more frustrating then others because... if there weren’t good moments, I could just freely mock it, and maybe even skip past it. But there is a good story in it! There really is. 

It just feels like it’s happening somewhere else, while the ‘camera’ follows this unrelated person. With a level of decompression that... doesn’t work for me. 

I suppose thats a greater problem I have with Tomie. It can just feel like so MUCH, but it almost never gets bad enough i can comfortably abandon it. 

Almost. 

That’s all for this week, folks! Join us next time won’t you? I’m hoping to get to more Ito, and talk about the hauntingly strange short “Madame Tutli Putli”, and possibly talk about the great classic of horror cinema, Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. And of course, the souichi presents patreon is now on monthly donations, and I’ll be updating it’s milestones soon! Even a dollar or two makes a really big difference. 

And as always, Souichi WILL... return.