#but in a good way I love nikola hes such a piece of shit who got himself in too deep

[arolesbianism]

JUST GOT THE LOG WHERE NIKOLA. THE. THE "EVIL" LOG. WHAT RHE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? that was. a lot of lore all at once. and this is a phrase i normally reserve for olivia but. NIKOLA WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

YEAH IK RIGHT. Nikola is so fucked he's a rabbit hole that just keeps going, and "evil" in particular is sooooo fascinating because it's one of the like what 2 logs that we can be pretty sure are towards the end of the timeline, and it's the only one that gives us a real look into how fucked gravitas was at the end. Nikola in particular is soooo fascinating to see in that log because in other logs we see him mentioned in, managing the temporal bow wasn't his job, or at least if it was he was perfectly capable of leading other ambitious projects on the side, which I find unlikely but it is technically possible. So the question of what the fuck happened with him is soooo fascinating, and it's a big part of the reason he's one of my favorites among the scientists

[discotitsposts]

true genius-

my actual favorite episode ever ever ever I’m SO INSANE FOR THIS EPIDODE

this is like the first one o watched on my own ITS SO GOOD

reid centered so yayy

this is how i fell in love w him

spoilers ahead

YAYYYYY NOSTALGIA!!!!!!!

lol typical making out in a car

DID I MENTION THISBIS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE EPISODE

FINN WITTROCK IS IN THIS TOO

the zodiac killer case is so interesting like wym dude never got caught

A FETISH FOR TREES

POOR BABY IS SO NERVOUS

ITS HIS BJRTBDAY IN THIS EP TOO

the cOUGHING

“yes a fetish for trees” HES SO AWKWARD I LOVE YOU REID

no he LEAVES NOOO

lol this guy runs a company

The way if reid was at a conference i’d run and be listening to every word

awww reid’s sad :(

rossi lol “no way” yes way

this is so interesting like how did bro get the original artifacts from the real case (i know how he did it)

reid reid reid!!!!

imagine if spencer knew how many people love him and write fanfic about him LMAO

he’d be a little terrified let’s be honest

but just a little

UGH EVERYONES SO HOT

“three can keep a secret if two are dead” i thought this was criminal minds not pretty little liars

i can’t even tell you how many times i’ve seen this episode

like this is MY episode i claim this one lol

CHESS YOUNKNOW WHO ELSE LIKES CHESS

SPENCER

bros playing chess on break

SPENCERRRRRR

lol enlightening

he wants the printed out version of the paper 💞💞

the way spencer just knew this wasn’t the real zodiac killer is why i was like this guys great 💞💞💞 my heart

AHHHHHHAHEJDJWBEWJWIROSOWBDBEKENFNF

IM SO EXCITED TI BE WATCHING THIS ONE

it’s so funny because i’ll be watching this show and this is my view

the barbie’s r like wtf

THIS GUY LYING ABOUT HIS COUISN

lol reid ended this guy

LOL

LUCKILY I GUESS ITS NOT YOUR COUSIN AHAHAH ATE

FINN WITTROCK💞💞

LOL his presentation

“your soulmate is standing before you now” is he talking about the lady or himself

i remember originally watching this because finn wittrock but fell for spencer/matthew instead lol

i like this detective from the local pd

“where do people find the time” lol reid

dr spencer reid i love your mind

“youre not as smart as you think you are” 😫😫😫💞💞💞SIR IM STUPID FOR YOU 💞💞💞

REID IN PURPLEEEEEE

OMG HES STANDING IN THE SUNLUGHT

y’all have to see this

UGHHHH💞🕳️🕳️🕳️💞💞💞

profile!!

REID AT THE COFFE SHOP STOEOEJDWH

dude has a detective board

lol he thinks she wants to call off the wedding

bro she doesn’t want you

REID NO YOUVE PASSED EXPECTSTIONS YOURE PERFECT I LOVE YOU

“How old are you 29,”

“I’m 30” NOOOOOOOOOOO

nikola tesla my beloved

emily lol

doesn’t he accidentally see a pattern lol dudes so smart

emily’s little smile lol

for he

god he’s so smart

the problem is i think i could understand the code and idk my iq but it’s prob not 160 or above

how do u even calculate that shit

reid’s face is perfect

the taxi driver, didn’t he kidnap the best friends wife from the back of the cab

i don’t think i made this very clear but this is my favorite episode EVER

i’m gonna fucking bite spencer if he keeps being so adorable

finn ain’t no angel in this

vegas!! matthew’s hometown

REID IN THE BACKGROUND

heTALKSK SO FAST I LOVENIT SM

mY leg itcjes

i also would like to catch the zodiac

REID ON THE FHAIR

staring at nothing

HAHAH

best friend activities

REIDS HANDS MOVE SO FAST

i need him now

aDmiT iT yOure HaVing FuUuN

i literally can’t get cozy

A CHESS SWUARE

listening to him💞 💋

no matches

doesn’t he plant a piece of evidence

yep

they found him

o love when reid comes up behind him

bro kidnapped his future wife

UEAH THEY KILLED SOMEONE OMG

it’s spencer reid’s world we’re just living in it

bro said “sanctimonious” wtf does that mean

“not really” 💞💞💞💞💞

the vest 😫😫💞💞

i don’t think harvey here is going to shanghai anymore he going to jail

SULPHURIC ACID dude that’s insane

LOL REID “i’m sure he’ll send you a postcard”

AWWW REID AND HIS COFFEE

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

spencer reid you’ve made the biggest difference in my life 💘💘💘

AWWWWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPENCER

lol morgan the way he’s in his 40s now😭

awww him blowing out the candles he looks so happy

the end

MY FAVORITE EPISODE MWAH MY BELOVED 💋💋💋💋

[ulkoilla]

Self-tagged from @bleachbleachbleach

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Only three – most of my ff is in Finnish and online elsewhere

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

91,889

W00t w00t the next couple biweekly updates will get me above 100 k!

3) What fandoms do you write for?

I have only Bleach fic in AO3, but I've also written Black Lagoon, Daria, Doctor Who, Dragonlance, House M.D., Raid (a Finnish crime drama/thriller), Sanctuary, Supernatural and Stargate Atlantis

4) Top 5 fics by kudos?

All Her Parts (13 kudos at the moment), Kim’s game (6) and At one evening in a convenience store (4)

Interestingly, the 5/10 chapters of All Her Parts has also more hits than the 19 chapters of Kim’s game. Maybe the title of Kim’s game was unfortunate - It isn’t an OC story, the name refers to the memory game played in Kipling’s novel Kim)

5) Do you respond to comments?

Yes! They are few and far between, but I love them and I love responding.

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have quite a few angsty or unhappy endings in my stories but perhaps Salakatselijan päiväkirja (Diary of a Stalker, the content only in Finnish) or Etsin vain ehdotonta rakkautta (I was only searching for unconditional love, also the content only in Finnish) might be at a tie.

Diary of a Stalker is a Bleach AU where Bya mourns for Hisana and kinda starts to stalk Rukia, who he doesn’t know is Hisana’s sister. I was only searching for unconditional love is a House M.D. fic of Cuddy and Rachel and their mother-daughter relationship.

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uuf do I have happy endings…? I have plenty non-sad or ambiguous endings but I guess not that many I’d call happy. Kim’s game actually ranks high in here imo?

8) Do you get hate on fics?

I’ve never gotten any hate comments for some reason.

9) Do you write smut?

No. Tried it once, didn’t like it. I rarely write sex in general, and when I do, it tends to be strictly non-explicit.

Nothing wrong with smut, it just isn’t my thing to read or write. Unless things get weird enough, then I’m happy to read. With enough weird in the mix, it stops being about sex even when genitalia is at use. Then I'm on board again.

10) Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I find that it’s rare that different pieces fit together in a way I find satisfying. The one and only x-over I’ve written is a DW+Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy humor piece.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Only if you count me doing translation/rewrite of my own fic

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. But I’d like to – there is sooo much great ideas and such with powerful scenes and fun plots. I’d love to be the person who adds description of various shit without having to deal with characterization and whatnot. But with this role and me not operating in my native language it has an extra layer of working not great.

14) What's your all-time favorite ship?

My OPT of all-time is Raistlin+Dalamar, where I’m using the + to indicate it’s not romantic or sexual but not platonic in “just friends” or "practically family" way.

15) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Almost all I seriously plan to finish, but I’m going to pick the story with a working title of Ihmeiden kaupunki (City of Wonder). It's a Sanctuary fic where a bunch of women, Helen and Ashley among them, are sent to another planet to spread human life to space. It’s supposed to be women only (resource use & lack of artificial wombs) but Nikola uses his connections and gets in.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Persistence. If I see enough reason to write something, and if I judge that I want to write it, then I’ll fucking write it. It may take a long time, but I’ll write it.

I’d like to think that I’m good at writing description but that’s for my readers to judge.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

The snail speed I proceed, lol.

I’m actually not good at making plot. It’s difficult for me to plan the scenes and decide what’s going to happen next, and what kind of feeling the scenes should carry.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I avoid it. If the reader should understand the dialogue, then it must be “translated” to the reader for them to do so.

If the reader isn’t supposed to understand it, why bother to write lines that won’t make any sense to the reader? Then what it the reader understands it, is it going to spoil something, or does the reader find themselves reading something utterly irrelevant?

I can imagine there are some tricks that can be done with this but it’s a niche use.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

I can’t remember

20) Favorite fic you've ever written?

An unfinished The Walking Dead piece with a working title tkei. The title is probably an abbreviation of something but I can’t remember what. But the writing! I love the way I was able to write it! When I read it, I’m making myself happy and immersed in the story instead of wanting to alter phrasing here and there.

It’s an AU where the zombies never came and no found families form. After Rick wakes up from the come and find Lori and Shane banging, he is forced to move to Daryl’s place (Merle is in prison, Daryl can’t pay the bills to keep the lights on, and Rick can’t afford to rent). Everyone is deeply unhappy and lonely.

[use-your-imagination98]

How I would Fix GH

Carly and Jason get married, sleep together, and just as they are about to go for round 2, Sonny walks in. Betrayed and pissed, he declares war on Jarly and decides to keep quiet about Nina keeping him secret.

Sonny retains Mike qualities and continues to bond with Nina in PC especially after Jarly's betrayal. Carly is her usual self, wants Jason but doesn't want Nina to have Sonny either. Jax leaves town. sick of Carly’s shit. 

Anna/Valentin/Robert track down Victor and discover his compound, Liesl, and put together that he's working with Peter. The trio surround Victor and Peter about to put a bullet in them, but Victor admits that he not only has Drew, but Holly and Emily(!)

It was Helena's sick plan to take Emily from Nik because she (other than Laura) pulled him away from his Cassadine urges. Victor discovered her and hid her away. The trio spare Victor but kill Peter once and for all. They bring Drew, Holly, and Emily back to PC

Spencer, fearful of being revealed as the stalker, he and Esme pin everything on Kevin. Laura totally believes that Kevin is innocent. Nava take the bait and blame Kev. Kevlaur vs Nava. Spencer feels guilty but Esme convinces him their plan is working.

Esme visits Ryan and we discover that she's Kevin's daughter with his PC wife Eve, who never told Kevin she was pregnant before leaving him and PC. She is teaming up with Ryan to tear apart Kevin's life piece by piece.

While Esme is messing with Spencer and Kevin, she is attracted to cam. we get a messy Joss/Cam/Esme triangle... with Cam and Joss having a massive argument about Joss defending mob life and he runs into Esme and they sleep together. Esme ends up pregnant. and plays it off as Spencer's.

Spencer is on edge with Esme's plans and ends up confiding in Trina. Trina is torn between helping him but also helping her girl Ava. She comes up with a plan to help Spencer confess but as she does some snooping of her own, discovers Esme's ties to Ryan.

Spencer, with Trina's help, confesses, Nik still kicks him out and he goes to stay with Laura who gets him a job at the hospital where he learns some compassion. Trina exposes that Cam is the baby daddy and Spencer is broken. Sprina kiss for the first time as she comforts him.

Eve Lambert comes to town after Kevin discovers Esme is his. She tries to help her evil daughter and explains why she kept Esme a secret, and leaves town. Kevin tries to fix Esme, putting a strain on his marriage.

As Emily returns, Nava is on rocky waters. What will Nikolas do when the true love of his life returns? Who will he choose? Will Ava resort to her old ways to get rid of Emily?

Sante are 100% together. All is happy and then Drew returns. Sam feels terrible for what he's gone thru and tries to fake a relationship with him, but things don't feel the same. They end things and Drew runs into Britt and sparks fly.

Just as Sante get back on track, we see LuLu wake up. LuLu wakes up thinking it's 2006. no memories of her kids, Dante, her mom waking up. so she stays away from PC for a while and falls for her doctor Tommy Hardy Jr.

Willow, Brando, Sasha, Gladys all die in a mob shoot out. idgaf. Michael leaves town with Wiley in grief. Kristina gets his airtime and becomes Sonny's heir apparent putting her in opposition with Jarly. She finds herself falling for Ms. Wu's daughter.

Finn and Elizabeth never happen. Elizabeth, after Franco's death, basically drinks herself to death in grief. Hayden finally returns from hiding and her, Finn, Laura, and her kids help her get help. Just as liz gets back on her feet, her parents return. Liz is torn between allowing her parents in and trusting them or telling them to F off. She also gets another surprise return.... (and its not Emily)

Monica is thrilled at the return of Drew an Emily. ELQ is returned to Ned. We continue with the autism story. Ned is super open and wants to learn and assist Leo. Olivia is totally blocked off and ignores it.

Brook Lynn tells Chase about Bailey's true parentage. Brook also admits that she doesn't want to give up Bailey when its all over. They keep growing closer, but keeping the secret is killing good boy Chase. 

Vanna/Robert return and Maxie is thrilled that Peter is dead and rushes to the Q's to get Bailey/Lou back. Val is confused and BLQ finally admits the truth. Val is crushed. Curses the Qs and vows to keep ELQ from them. Maxie takes Lou. Chase and BLQ sleep together. Annie Donnelly comes to town and works at the PCPD undercover. Bonds with Chase. BLQ/Chase/Annie triangle.

Val tells Anna about the whole baby switch. She feels for him and takes him out drinking again. Val wants to forget about everything and sleep together but Anna wants it when they are both sober.

NO Maxie and Austin. TBH there would be no Austin. Dillion returns to help in the ELQ vs Val war. Him and Maxie connect as he starts to work for deception as the photographer.

Taggert remains Trina's dad. Period. After Jordan left, Curtis also assists Liz in her addiction struggles and they have a casual relationship, but he starts to catch feels. Lucky happens to return just as Liz gets her life back on track. 

We find out Lucky's stayed away because he has relapsed and is still taking pills. He doesn't want to disappoint his kids/mom/liz so stays quiet but Portia finds him OD in a back alley. As he recovers, they bond and are attracted to one another. HOWEVER, Serena Baldwin returns to town and starts her own law firm with Scott, Martin, and eventually Alexis. Lucky needs a lawyer since he got caught buying narcotics on the street right before he OD. Serena takes his case and she fights her feelings. We get a Serena/Lucky/Portia/Curtis/Liz mess.

Alexis is FREED. Gets her law license back. and gets and AMAZING love interest. (Maybe Shawn). Martin and Lucy get together. Liesl and Scotty remain cute. Molly and TJ get Brando/Sasha/Willow's airtime. Holly and Robert reunite.

IF you read all of this, you are a saint. The show is just so boring, dull, and unbalanced. Useless characters are taking up the place of legacy kids. I’m sure others have way better ideas, but this is just what I think the show could do to improve and be something I rush home to watch again. 

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Chapter Fifteen

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: warning for smut and past mentions of abuse

Lev only stirred because Nik’s weight vanished. By the time he was awake enough to look up, blinking lazily against the morning sun, Nik was already pulling on a pair of pants. The fact that Nik even had a pair of pants in here, since this was Lev’s bedroom, was mildly impressive. Lev didn’t remember wearing clothes before they fell into bed the night before, tangled around each other and heedless of anything else.

“Where are you going?” Lev finally managed, yawning into the pillow as he arched his back, stretching his arms in front of him and wiggling in an attempt to wake up more.

“Amara needs me, but I mean, I can be.... persuaded to not go” Nik said, clearly eyeing Lev’s ass. “Because that is an invitation and I’m trying to leave, what the fuck.”

Lev snorted, flopping onto his side. “If Amara needs you, you should go. And that wasn’t supposed to be an invitation, but... consider it an open one for when you get back?” He blinked innocently, hiding a smile. “Just don’t be gone too long? I’ll miss you.”

Nik jabbed a finger in Lev’s direction. “This is dirty. You’re playing dirty.” That didn’t stop him from leaning over and kissing Lev quickly.

Before Nik was even fully out of the room, Lev was stifling his giggles with the pillow. He could hear Nik groan as he stormed away, his muttered Spanish floating back to Lev. That only served to make Lev laugh more, but eventually he calmed down. The bed felt empty without Nik there, and the room too large, and a creeping darkness to Lev’s thoughts he didn’t want to deal with, and there was only so much silence Lev could take before he slid out of bed. After some searching, he found one of Nik’s shirts. He tugged it on, pleased to be wearing Nik’s scent since Nik couldn’t actually be here, and then trotted off to find Cameron.

It’d been a couple of days since Cameron’s rut ended, and things were back to normal. Whatever that was. The sentries were back, Cameron was... Cameron. Mostly. Lev wasn’t completely convinced, but he wasn’t stupid enough to ask about it.

His first guess was right: he found Cameron in the kitchen. Lunch, Lev assumed, judging by the time. He pattered over to one of the empty counters, close enough he could talk to Cameron without getting in the way, and hoisted himself up. Cameron flicked him a look, but didn’t say a word, so Lev braced his hands on the counter. The only reaction Lev got from Cameron this time was some hand sanitizer thrown his way. Lev wasn’t even sure where it came from, but he got the message, loud and clear.

“Nik left,” he said, as soon as it occurred to him to do so. “He said Amara needed him?”

All he really got in response was a curt nod and a brief, “Okay.” Which- Lev didn’t really know how to continue the non-existent conversation for that, so he swung his feet back and forth quietly while he waited for Cameron to finish cooking.

Eventually Cameron told him to get ready to eat. Assuming that was a request to get off the counter, Lev slid down, and settled at the table in time for Cameron to put a bowl of some sort of stew in front of him.

“Thank you,” Lev said as he closed his eyes and took a big sniff. “It smells delicious.”

Cameron, who had settled across from him, just said, “I know. I cooked it.”

Lev blinked at Cameron. It took a couple of seconds to recognize the satisfaction in Cameron’s expression, but when Lev did, he smiled a bit. After a few bites, he tapped his spoon lightly against his bowl. “Did you have any plans today? Especially now that Nik has abandoned us for Mar?”

Cameron shrugged. “Paperwork from the club. Unless you needed to do something.”

“I forgot you owned the club,” Lev said, more to himself than Cameron. He shook his head. “No. Now that I- I dunno. Since I’m not living with the angels, I really don’t have anything to do. I was still training.” Even if he was far too old to be. At least on the level that he was.

The sweeping look Cameron gave him was both unimpressed and unsurprised. If Lev didn’t know any better, he’d say Cameron was awkward, just a little, as he said, “Do you want to come with me to the club?”

Startled, Lev just stared. He swallowed his usual replies, and just simply said, “Yes, please.” He paused, and then couldn’t help adding, “I need to get dressed though.”

Cameron nodded. “Finish eating first.”

“I planned on it,” Lev promised earnestly. To prove as much, he took another bite, swinging his feet back and forth absently. It really was good, but he didn’t want to seem insincere by repeating as such over and over again. After all, Cameron already knew he was a good cook.

---

Nik swung off his bike the moment it was in park and made his way through the apartment building to the second floor and went to knock impatiently on Amara’s door but the door swung open before he even got to the second knock. Amara dragged him inside before he could even protest.

Nik swatted her away. “Okay, Okay, I’m here. What did you want?”

“I’m hungry and out of cereal,” she said. “Make me something.”

Nik glowered at her. “I could be fucking your cousin right now,” he accused. “Are you incapable of making meals? Don’t answer that,” Nik said, pushing his way into the kitchen. He opened the cupboards and then went to the fridge when he didn’t find anything. There was spoiled milk and mayo in the fridge. His blood ran hot. “What is this?” he said, offended. “How are you still alive? I cannot believe we are friends. How dare you.”

“Well, I had cereal. And you can’t burn sandwiches. Usually. Sometimes,” Amara said. “Renee’s been cooking. But she’s spending the week with a friend.”

Nik made a pained sound. “You are so lucky I am not Nate.” Nik pulled out his leather wallet and went through it before shoving it into his back pocket. “We’re going grocery shopping. Where’s Cináed?”

Amara shrugged. “Couch. Napping. He’s been useless for the past three days, unless he’s helping me demolish what food I had.”

Nik shouldered his way over to the couch and grabbed Cin’s feet and pulled them off the cushion. “Get up, we’re going grocery shopping.” Cin grumbled, fangs flashing. Nik was unimpressed by the empty posturing. “Come on. Get your ass up before I kick it.”

Amara threw Cin’s shoes at him. “Put on a damn shirt.”

Cin flashed his fangs at her too, but pattered off to find a shirt. Nik arched a brow and plopped down on the couch, crossing his ankles. He dragged his eyes over her before looking at where Cin had gone. “So. How long have you been preheat?”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m not.”

Nik snorted. “Mar, I’d think you were above denial.”

“And that is why we don’t let you think. Maybe if I ignore it it'll go away." She paused. "At least Cin and I have synced up. Its a pain in the ass to go through it two weeks in a row because one of us triggered the other."

Nik snorted. “Sounds like a you problem. Two weeks of a heat sounds like a good time to me. I guess you just don’t have my stamina,” he lied.

"You don't have a kid to take care of, Nikky."

Nik looked pointedly towards her kitchen. “Seems like the kid takes care of you, Amara.”

"Fuck you, low blow,” Amara said, glaring at him. “I take care of her. Food's only part of the equation."

A cheeky smile graced his face. “Didn’t mean to offend your delicate feelings on the subject. Get ready.”

“You’re a dirty, rotten liar.”

Nik winked at her. “It’s what you love about me. You’re just as awful as I am.”

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Amara reached for her jacket before yelling to Cin, “C’mon Cin, let’s go!” Only then did Cin appear, dressed and rubbing his eyes, clearly still half asleep.

Nik held out his hand when he got to his feet. “Give me your car keys.”

“I don’t have a car, Nikolas. Just the bike.”

Nik sighed, bitterly. “And what about Cin?”

Cin dug into his jeans and tossed him a set of car keys. Amara frowned. “Wait. Is that how we get groceries? I thought you got rid of that.”

Cin blinked at her. “I still have my car, Marmar.”

Amara’s mouth opened and closed. Nik laughed at them both. “Stars, you’re both disasters. Come on. I want to get this over with. I’ll feed you but then I’m going home. I have prior engagements that I dropped because I am a nice person.”

Amara pouted at him. “You can fuck Lev whenever you want, Nikky. You spend more time with him than me now.”

“Awe, I didn’t realize you were clingy. Just come over to the house. Cameron isn't going to just kill you.”

“Won’t he though? Besides, I can’t come over until I remember to get Lev’s shit or he’ll look at me real sad and I hate that shit, man.”

Nik rubbed his thumb and forefinger together. “Can you hear that whine? It’s not my fault you’re afraid of Cameron and that you’re too lazy to bring Lev his shit.”

“I am not afraid of Cameron, Nikolas,” Amara said. “Just haven’t been in the mood to fuck with him lately. Just distracted. And I don’t really want to step foot in that house. I’m pissed enough and I’m annoyed with Nate, too- not letting me know when he handed that pile of shit over. I wanted a piece of him too, you know.”

Nik frowned. “Blame me if you want. Nate’s not at fault for anything.” He looked towards the open door. Cin was probably wearing a hole into the concrete by the car by now. “He has a lot going on.” He flicked her a look. “You’d think you would know that since you’re raising a kid.” Nik started for the car, knowing that Amara would be following him. He found Cin leaning against the back of the car, waiting for him. Unlocking the car, Nik said, “Get in, loser, we’re going shopping. And I’m driving.” Enough hurt flashed across Cin’s face, Nik knew he didn’t get the reference. He sighed. “I really need to get you both to sit down and watch movies.”

Amara climbed into the passenger seat next to him. “Good luck.”

Nik electively ignored her and started up the car while Cin snuggled into the back seat. “We’ll get some easy shit that not even you can get wrong, and then I’ll get some things that Renee can cook for you because I know for a fact that you will burn down your apartment.”

Cin was sound asleep by the time they got to the store. Nik put the car in park and leaned over the seat to flick Cin’s nose. “Hey handsome, we’re here.” Cin grumbled at Nik. “Come onnnn. If I have to, so do you.”

Nik got out of the car and into the frigid cold air, shoving his hands in his pockets, waiting for both Amara and Cin to get out. The cold air seeped into his holey jeans and did nothing for Nik’s sour mood. “You ready yet?”

Amara was already dragging Cin towards the store when she said, “I was born ready, grumpy pants.”

“Hmph.” Nik followed after them. “If that was the case, you would have bought more food before you ran out. But sure.”

“I’m broke,” she replied. “Didn’t have any money for groceries.”

Nik side eyed her. “Uh huh.”

“What?” she said. “Don’t believe me? I didn’t have a single bottle of alcohol in the apartment either.”

Nik snorted when he grabbed the cart. “Probably because you drank it all.”

“Wow rude.”

Nik shrugged while starting for the grocery section. He started putting things in the basket that even Amara would be able to use, and if she couldn’t, he was sure Cin would. Hopefully. Stars, they’re both useless. At least when Nik was dating her he could make sure she didn’t die from food poisoning.

Amara wandered off while Cin moved between sticking close to Nik and following after Amara like a lost puppy. When he was close enough, Nik had him get the items he was too lazy to get himself. When Nik was satisfied there was enough food in the cart to feed them all for at least two weeks, Nik started for the register. He gnawed at his thumb nail until he could put the groceries on the thing. When Amara didn’t come back, Nik told the clerk to call her. The kid gave him a considering look, judging his age before, “Amara? Your father is waiting for you at register nine.”

Nik choked. “Oh gross. Do I look like someone’s father? Daddy, maybe. But not a father.”

The clerk pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing. She gave him the cost and he dug a few hundreds Cam had given him out of his wallet and paid for the food. Beside him, Cin said, “I can pay you back?”

Nik waved him off. “It’s not like it’s my money. It’s all Cam.” Cin seemed displeased as he made a disgruntled sound. He just shrugged. “I mean, you could make it up to him. Though, it wouldn’t probably pan out well. Not sure how Lev would react.”

Cin’s only answer was rolling his eyes. When Nik opened his mouth, Amara rounded the corner, eyes puffy enough Nik arched a brow. “Do you feel better, honey?” Nik asked in an overly sympathetic voice.

“No, fuck you,” Amara snapped. She shoved a stuffed koala at him. “Buy this too.”

Nik looked down at the stuffed animal in distaste. “Get enough snot on that?” The store clerk closed her eyes in defeat, clearly wishing to be put out of her misery. Nik grunted when Amara kicked him in the shin. “You don’t have to kick me because I’m right, you know. I just bought you three hundred dollars worth of groceries.” Nik leaned over and snagged the tag off the koala and tossed it to the clerk. “The least you could do is be nice to me.”

“The least you could do was not make fun of me during my emotional breakdown,” Amara said, sharply. She paused before kicking him again. “Talk shit, get hit, motherfucker.”

Nik pointed at her. “That’s rude, it’s not like I can just find some random hot mom, Amara. My mommy issues aren’t that bad.”

The store clerk choked. “Sir… the line?”

Nik looked around Amara to see the decent line of humans. “Ugh.” He rolled his head towards the clerk. “Keep the change.” He started grabbing the groceries and shoving them in cart alongside Cin. “Come along, children.”

Nik got them out to the car, the groceries in the truck and the snot-covered koala back in Amara’s arms. It didn’t take long for Cin to fall back asleep in the back, curled against the seat. Nik got them back to the apartment relatively quickly before poking Cin in the face again. “Hey, make yourself useful and carry these up.”

Cin didn’t bother reacting and just got out of the car and carried up the groceries. Nik waited at the counter in the kitchen while Cin finished. He spent three hundred dollars on them, he wasn’t doing the leg work. As soon as all the groceries were inside on the floor, Cin just disappeared back to the couch to sleep.

If Nik hadn’t just spent the last week in bed with Cameron, he might have joined him on the couch, but he wanted to get home soon. But first, he needed to feed them. Amara was still at the counter, clutching the koala to her chest when Nik said, “Put everything away except for what I’m cooking.” He rattled off the ingredients while he dished out the pans and utensils he needed to make empanadas.

Unsurpisingly, Amara just walked off, probably to go clean off the stupid koala. He had the ground beef dethawing and a few of the veggies cleaned and cut up when he opened a bottle of tequila he had found hidden behind the pans. When Amara came back, she frowned at the bottle. “What the fuck? I thought I was out.”

Nik snorted, taking a drink from the bottle before moving on to start with the dough. “This is why we don’t let you think, Mar.”

She just flipped him off before starting to put things away. When Nik was done with the dough, he started on the egg mixture he mixed with the dough. He looked her over after putting it in the fridge for thirty minutes, messing with the timer on his phone. “So, clearly you’re feeling the preheat. Do you think you can help me- wait, no, never mind. You’re not touching my food.”

Nik started back up with food prep when she wandered over and looped her arms around his waist, pressing her forehead against his back. He fell into a rhythm, singing under his breath while he filled the dough with the meat he cooked, Amara moving with him in sync. He was making a mess of her kitchen, which he usually did whenever he cooked, but she didn’t seem to notice. It was one of the reasons why Cam didn’t let him cook.

When the empanadas were frying, Nik took that as an opportunity to make the aioli dip. Nik was half sure that Amara was asleep on his back, but he just smiled a bit and mixed together the mayo, adobo sauce and lime juice before shoving it in the fridge to boost flavor while the empanadas finished.

When they were finished, Nik turned his head to the side. “Mar, they’re done,” he murmured. “You need to let go so you can eat. Even if it is hard.” Amara bit into Nik’s shoulder before letting him go. Nik grinned at her. “Was hard, wasn’t it?”

“Next time I’ll go for the jugular.”

NIk arched a brow. “I’m spoken for. But I’m sure you can work it out with Cam.”

Amara ignored him and went to go wake up Cin. Nik used that time to get the empanadas out on plates after taking another swig from the tequila bottle. When they came back, Nik shoved their plates to them. “Go nuts. I accept payment in forms of blowjobs or alcohol.”

Amara just rolled her eyes. “I’m not blowing you when you’re dating my cousin. You can keep the tequila.”

“And you say I’m the grumpy one,” Nik retorted, taking a bite from his own plate. “But fine. I will, and unlike you, I will not lose it in my stash of pots and pans.”

“Renee probably hid it from me,” she said, making a face. Amara took a bite from her food, before frowning. “Fuck you, this is so good.”

Nik grinned. “I know, I made it.”

------

Lev was pretty sure his back would never forgive him for how he’d squeezed himself awkwardly into this chair. There were plenty of reasonable ways to sit, but this felt more comfortable, and he could brace his sketchbook on his knees as he doodled. That's all it really was, honestly. Doodling. He did not consider himself an artist, but a little practice never hurt, and he was bored, in all honesty. It was better than being alone, but he was still bored.

He’d filled a couple pages with sketches of, well... Cameron. Not really him. Sort of. His hands. His mouth and jawline. His eyes. What else was Lev supposed to draw, though? All he really had to look at was Cameron, who for the most part was engrossed with his paperwork, though it didn’t escape Lev’s notice any time Cameron glanced over at what Lev was trying to draw.

Could he tell? Lev wasn’t sure. If he could, he hadn’t told Lev to stop, so there wasn’t anything wrong with it. Probably. Maybe?

Lev realized he was staring at Cameron as he pondered, and slowly flushed. He couldn't remember what he’d been trying to draw. He’d definitely been staring blankly at Cameron for a good amount of time, and now he didn’t know how to stop. Stopping was a good idea. And yet he kept staring.

“If you're bored I can give you something to do.”

That was such a Cameron thing to say. Lev pressed his lips together, wishing he could force himself to stop blushing. “I’m fine,” he said automatically, rubbing his face and narrowly avoiding poking himself in the eye with his pencil at the same time. “I’m just- dunno, lost my- my groove? I was distracted.” He sat up, tucking his feet underneath him as he leaned closer, trying to deflect. “What are you doing?”

Cameron looked back down at his papers, rifling through them. “Club ratios. Alcohol and admissions.”

Lev scrunched up his nose. “Okay,” he said, unsure of what else to say. He blinked at the papers, trying to make heads or tails of it all.

“Do you want to suck my cock?” Cameron asked bluntly.

Lev was mortified how quickly he perked up, eyes dropping to Cameron’s lap briefly, before flicking back up to Cameron’s face. “I-” there was no point in lying. Yes, he was interested. “Yes. Please. If that’s- here?” Lev could have groaned at how awkward he was being. How much he wanted it.

“Do you see me moving?”

Lev shook his head. He unfolded from the chair, almost tripping over his converse in his haste as he stood. He sidestepped them this time and dropped his sketchbook on the chair he’d abandoned as he rounded the desk.

Cameron pushed back from the desk, just enough. “Crawl.”

Without a second thought Lev was on his knees. If Cameron wanted him to crawl, he’d crawl. Cameron hadn’t turned towards him, leaving Lev a little confused. He sat back on his haunches when he reached Cameron’s side, but Cameron just nodded towards the desk.

“Under,” was all he said.

Even Lev couldn't misunderstand that. He slithered underneath the desk, twisting until he was peering up at Cameron again. Cameron didn’t miss a beat and moved right back to how he had been, and judging by the rustling of papers, he was right back to working. This time Lev didn’t hesitate. Fumbling with Cameron’s belt, Lev managed to pull Cameron’s dick out.

It was tempting to go right for it, but Lev took his time, wanting to make it last. He kissed and licked his way up the shaft before sucking on the tip, sliding all the way down once before going back to his curious teasings. There was- there was something to the idea of seeing if he could get a reaction from Cameron. Something tempting. It rankled, just a little bit, in a way Lev couldn’t quite put into words, that Cameron could just go back to his paperwork like Lev wasn’t under his desk with his mouth on Cameron’s cock.

Not once after that first time did Lev even try to go all the way down again. He explored at his own pace, thoroughly enjoying himself. Already he’d forgotten why he’d decided to be a little bit of a tease. He just liked doing whatever came to mind, and trying to figure out what Cameron liked as he went.

After a few minutes Lev discovered Cameron definitely liked it when Lev dragged the tip of his tongue along the underside of Cameron’s dick. Lev got caught up in trying it over and over again, pausing only to occasionally lap at the head of Cameron’s cock to catch the precome leaking from it.

For the most part he kept his hand either on Cameron’s thigh or wrapped around the base of Cameron’s cock to keep it steady. The space beneath Cameron’s desk was cramped, even with the ridiculous size of the desk, and it was just easier to hold onto Cameron, absently stroking the inside of his thigh with his thumb as he licked and teased his way up and down Cameron’s length repeatedly.

Lev wasn’t actually sure how long he’d been lost in what he was doing when Cameron’s fingers found Lev’s hair and yanked firmly. A high pitched moan came from Lev in response, and he almost pulled away. He would have, if Cameron hadn't tightened his grip on Lev’s hair. Right. Message received. Lev slid down Cameron’s length, working his way down to the base determinedly. He kept a careful rhythm, bobbing his head as best he could without smacking his head on the desk above him.

It took several minutes before Lev managed to make Cameron come. The only signs he’d been getting anywhere were the way Cameron’s breaths had sped up, and how his fingers were all but fisted in Lev’s hair. Occasionally, Lev had been rewarded with the rustling of Cameron’s papers going silent, but other than that it was radio silence, at least until Lev heard Cameron give a low sound. That, and the way Cameron’s hand clenched reflexively in Lev’s hair, was all the warning Lev got before Cameron came.

Lev sucked him through it, fighting the instinct to hum smugly when he pulled off. He wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, before wiggling closer. Only after tucking Cameron’s dick away again did he settle, folding his arms on Cameron’s lap and resting his chin on them as he listened to Cameron’s breathing slowing. The weight of Cameron’s hand in his hair was soothing, and Lev was more than tempted to see if he could possibly fall asleep like this without sliding down to the ground. Instead he gave a contented sigh, hesitantly pressing his face against Cameron’s stomach before he looked up.

“Cameron?”

“Hmm?” Cameron barely glanced down before continuing what he was doing.

Lev debated how to word what he wanted to say for a solid minute before he finally said, “I really was curious about what you were doing.” He furrowed his brows thoughtfully. “I just- could you explain it again? I want to understand.”

“Do you?”

Lev grimaced. “I’m not a liar. I wouldn’t say it just to- I want to know. I don’t like not understanding things.”

Cameron looked irritated this time. “I wasn’t calling you a liar.”

The comforting weight of his hand was gone, and Lev wasn’t sure where he’d gone wrong. Panic fluttered like a bird behind his ribs, and he had to stop himself from retreating underneath the desk. There was no reason to get that worked up, and he knew it.

“I was asking you for a yes or a no,” Cameron said.

Lev blinked. “Oh.” He swallowed, and then nodded. “Yes. I want to learn. I don’t- I don’t like feeling stupid, and when I don’t get things I feel really dumb.” He settled against Cameron’s stomach again. “I just want to understand.”

Cameron watched him for a heartbeat, but he did start to explain, and that was all Lev wanted, really, so Lev was content to tilt his head up and listen intently.

---

Nik was about ready to pull his jacket to leave when Amara demanded, “And where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

Nik looked over his shoulder, stopping before he could get his second arm in. “Well I was going to go get fucked, if you must know, since I am done feeding you.”

Amara whined. “Noooo. I want to snuggle. I missed youuu.” She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. “I never get to see you, I deserve this. And even if I don’t, I’m a selfish bitch.”

Nik frowned. “Snuggle with Cin. That’s what he’s here for.”

“He’s not you though, and he’s boring when he’s comatose.” Nik was this close to whining too. He could feel his body protest, but he ended up letting her drag him over to the threadbare couch to be smooshed between her and Cin. Cin didn’t seem bothered to have two bodies on top of him; he really was sleepy.

“You know you missed me,” she crooned, putting her face in his neck.

“Not right now I don’t,” he grumbled, wrapping his arm around her waist. “What am I getting out of this forced cuddling? Besides your radiant company?”

She playfully nipped at him. “You can keep the tequila.”

Nik pinched her ass. “I was already planning on keeping the tequila as payment for cooking you food, Mar. But whatever. Since I am a good and kind soul, I will keep you company free of charge because it’s the right thing to do in your hour of need.” He put his boots up on the arm of the couch. “Lucky you.”

She snuggled deeper into him, arms wrapping around his waist. “Lucky me indeed,” she mumbled into his chest. “You’re mine for the foreseeable future.” Nik’s body was rebelling against him. He could feel himself half hard against Amara’s stomach. She seemed unbothered and perfectly aware. “Not my problem.”

Nik groaned, wiggling helplessly under her. “Why are you doing this to meeeee.”

"I didn't ask for you to show up horny and bitter. I just needed a friend in this trying time."

“Honestly, Amara, for someone supposedly so intuituve, you sure do know shit about how I am horny all the fucking time. And when you wake me up,” he groused. “But sure, you’re the one in need.”

Amara said, “"Would you rather me have starved?"

“Do not ask questions you do not want the answers to,” Nik warned.

“Wow Nikolas, I thought we were friends.”

Nik yanked on her hair. “If we weren’t, I’d have let you rot. But here I am, hard and under a woman I can’t fuck. So. I am a saint.”

She choked on a laugh. “Saint Nikolas.”

“Okay you know what-”

Nik rolled over and let her fall on the floor. She stared up at him, half shocked and half amused. “Bullying people is my thing, Nikolas.”

“Talk shit, get thrown on the floor,” Nik shot back.

She sat up on her elbows. “You left yourself wide open for that, Saint Nikolas.”

Nik pointed down at her. “Keep calling me that and I will walk out that door right now. Then we’ll see how hilarious you are when you keep whining about what a bad friend I am.” Cin grumbled from under him, pulling his pillow over his head, muttering about them talking too much.

Both he and Amara ignored Cin’s whining. “Okay, okay. Someone’s touchy today.” Before Nik could even call her a hypocrite she was up on her feet and flopped on him. “Don’t leaveeee.”

“Well, I can’t very well do that with your big head on my chest, now can I?”

"First of all, that was the idea, and second, who are you calling a big head, big head?"

“At least my big head is full of things,” Nik said, poking her in the forehead.

"Yeah, weed and booze, maybe."

I mean, yes, Nik thought. “At least it has something in it other than air.”

“Fuck you,” she said, cheerfully, snuggling deep into him.

“You can’t,” Nik whined. “I’m dating your cousin, remember?”

“Not my fault,” she mumbled. “You were just supposed to fuck him, not get attached.”

“Ugh.”

“Now I have to break in a new fuckbuddy.”

Nik slipped a hand in her back pocket, unable to stop himself from grinning. “Sorry you had to downgrade. Can’t relate.” He oofed when she jabbed him in the side. “That’s so mean, stars, Amara. I thought we were friendsss.”

Amara had opened her mouth to counter when Nik found himself on the ground, landing on top of Amara, her own head smacking against the threadbare carpet. The next thing Nik registered was Cin on his feet and stalking back to the bedroom, grumbling about not being able to sleep. Nik looked down at Amara, feeling laughter bubble in his throat. “Well, that was nice. I went out of my way, making him a home cooked meal and he nearly gives me a concussion.”

He had rolled over onto his back, with Amara’s face pressed into his chest, laughing, when he wheezed, “The audacity.”

Amara just snorted. “You ruined his nap.”

“Me?”

“Yes you.”

“Wow,” Nik said, pushing her onto her back. “The blatant disrespect. I cannot believe this.” He sat on her and looked down while brushing his blue and black hair out of his eyes. “Lying straight to my face. Hmph.”

Amara smacked his chest. “Get oooooooff.”

“Or else what?” Nik asked, roguishly.

“I’ll whine.”

“You mean you haven’t been whining this entire time?”

She threw her arm over her eyes. “Why are you bullying meeee.”

“Because I’m horny and I am mean when I am horny. It’s your own fault.” Nik got to his feet and held out a hand. “Take it or I’m taking this opportunity to escape.”

"I can't help that I’m so sexy," she said, taking his hand. She straightened her shirt, before: "If you need to jerk off the bathrooms down the hall."

Nik frowned. “Damn right you are, and I’m annoyed.” Nik considered her offer, though. Stars knew how long she was going to hold him captive, and he was only going to get more irritable the longer he wasn’t able to get off. “I am not getting blue balls for you.” He turned on his heel and went to the bathroom.

--------

Cameron was finishing locking up the office, half ignoring Lev hopping around the hallway trying to tie his shoes. He slid the key in his pocket and watched Lev for a few seconds, before flatly saying, “Are you done?”

Lev smacked his shoulder into the wall and crumbled to the ground. “Yeah. Just. Give me a second. It’s easier from down here.”

Cameron looked down at him, unimpressed. “Nice coordination, Levant.”

Lev just stood up. “Never once implied I was coordinated. Or graceful.” He gave Cameron a pained smile. “I really am a terrible angel,” he said, mechanically enough it was obvious he was just echoing someone else.

Cameron shrugged slightly. “You make it sound like a bad thing. Come along.” He didn’t give Lev a look, seeing if he was following him as he started for the main floor of the club. The only noise was the bartender quietly working, getting ready for that night.

He went straight for the grand piano in the middle of the room, on the raised dias. He ran his fingers across the glossy black of the keyboard cover as he sat. Lev shifted. “May I sit next to you..?”

Cameron debated for a heartbeat, not wanting to break his routine, but eventually moved over just enough for Lev to sit. Wordlessly, he opened the keyboard cover while Lev sat next to him, curiously listening to Cameron start his warm ups. His fingers glided over the keys while muscle memory took over; he didn’t even have to think about what notes to play before he played them. He had music drilled into his head since he could barely walk. It was expected of him from a young age- it was another appealing thing that attracted people to him. Cameron just hadn’t outgrown the habit, and despite being forced to learn, he did find some kind of solace playing the piano.

He could feel Lev staring at him with big golden eyes. Cameron almost told him to stop, but just kept focused on the piano, his own eyes closed. It was easier playing than it was dealing, and this was something he was good at. Though, Cameron thought, he was good at many things. He didn’t have the luxury of failing.

After a while, Lev asked, “Do you play every day?”

Cameron kept playing, going back and forth, deciding if he wanted to answer or not. He finally said, “Yes. Two and a half hours every day after paperwork.”

“That’s a long time,” Lev murmured to himself.

Cameron’s lips twitched. “Not really,” he said, after a bit. “Fucked Nik for longer.”

He almost didn’t hear Lev mutter under his breath, “Nik’s so damn lucky.”

Cameron snorted, and tilted his head, listening to the music. “All you have to do is tell me.”

Cameron rarely, if ever told Nik no, and when he did, Nik just went elsewhere. If it was what Lev wanted, Cameron would feel compelled to give it to him, just as he was compelled to give it to Nik. All he had to do was say the word. It was what he was trained to do. “That’s easier said than…. Oh.” Cameron could almost see Lev make a face.

“If you’re going to speak, stop mumbling,” Cameron said, half annoyed. “I can barely hear you over the music.”

He could feel the bartender silently watching them. Zareth knew better than to speak while Cameron was playing and he was not going to be that stupid now; not unless he wanted his tongue ripped out.

Lev fell silent for a while before asking, “Can you teach me to play? Not today, but… one day?”

Cameron inclined his head, enjoying the smooth keys at his fingertips. “I can teach you now, if you want.”

“I don’t want to interrupt your playing anymore than I already have,” Lev said, “But… I do want.”

Cameron finished his song before, “What do you know about music? Can you read it, write it? What all have the angels taught you besides not actually being able to teach you how to fight.”

Lev shook his head. “I can sing along with the radio. Gramma says I’ve got a good ear, but no one ever taught me anything.”

“Hmm.” Cameron went over the major keys, the minor keys; explaining the difference between white and black before saying, “I’ll get you a keyboard. No one touches the piano but me. And I’m sure there are song books you can look at to learn music notes. I’ll look into it.”

“Okay,” Lev said. Then he added, “Thank you.”

Cameron went back to playing, letting himself try to fall back into rhythm. He tried to not get aggitated at his routine being altered too much. It wasn’t Lev- it was literally anyone that stopped him from being able to work seamlessly.

After a while, Cameron barely registered Lev getting up and wandering over to the bar. He didn’t bother looking to see what Lev was doing, and kept playing.

----

Lev slid into a seat at the bar, tapping his fingers on the smooth wood silently. He twisted in his seat, peering at Cameron, but Cameron was still playing, hadn’t even looked up. Good. that meant he wasn't too bothered by Lev leaving. He felt a little bad he’d kept bugging Cameron, but he didn't really know how to be still and quiet for long, for all he was a quiet person.

After a few minutes, Lev hesitantly waved at the bartender. After a moment the bartender flicked him a look. Lev waved at him again, widening his eyes and what he hoped was a plea. The bartender kept cleaning the glass in his hands for longer than Lev thought was necessary before coming over. Once the bartender raised his eyebrows, Lev realized he hadn’t thought this far. He knew Cameron probably wanted quiet, even if Cameron had been remarkably patient with Lev’s talking.

“Can I get some water?” Lev whispered, as quiet as he could. “And a pen?” There were napkins nearby, and Lev’d forgotten his sketchbook in Cameron’s office. He wasn’t stupid enough to bug Cameron for that.

The bartender flicked Cameron a look over Lev’s shoulder, and then turned away. Lev thought for a moment he’d been ignored, but the bartender slid a glass towards him. Lev mouthed a “thank you,” before holding the glass in his hands. He sipped it occasionally, and blinked gratefully at the bartender when he got the pen he’d asked for.

Lev swiveled on the chair, and then started sketching Cameron. Or his piano, at least. Lev kept himself busy that way, wiggling to his heart's content. At least the stools didn't squeak. Lev couldn't imagine Cameron allowing his stools to squeak.

It was almost a surprise to hear the music stop. Lev wasn’t sure if it had been two and a half hours or not, but he was pleased to see Cameron settle beside him.

“My usual,” was all Cameron said.

The bartender hopped to, something Lev decided not to think about. Instead he kicked his feet back and forth lightly, and sipped his water. After a minute, he looked over at Cameron. “Is there anything else on the schedule?”

Lev almost missed the tiny smirk the bartender had when Cameron looked at Lev. “Do you want to be fucked?”

Lev blinked. “I-” He really should stop being surprised by Cameron offering. “Yes? Yes.”

Cameron set his glass down, and then leaned over, pressing kisses to Lev’s neck. Lev’s breath caught in his throat, and he tilted his head up to give Cameron more room. Oh. Cameon really meant right now. He hooked his fingers in Cameron’s sleeve. It wasn’t long before Cameron started unbuttoning Lev’s jeans, and that was enough Lev twitched his hips upwards, giving a soft moan. He hadn’t expected to be fucked today, but he was absolutely down for this.

Cameron was pulling at his jeans, so Lev lifted his hips again. Too far, it seemed, because he slid right off the stool. He flung his arms around Cameron’s neck, squeaking. Cameron’s arm was around his waist, keeping him from falling any lower. In the next moment, Lev found himself swung around, back against the bar, and Cameron pulling his pants and underwear down efficiently.

The next thing Lev knew, Cameron was on his knees and taking Lev’s half-hard cock in his mouth. Lev jerked forward with a gasp, one hand going to Cameron’s hair. Cameron’s hand found Lev’s hip, pinning him in place against the bar. More than anything Lev wanted to squirm, but Cameron was firm as he teased Lev to full hardness.

-----

Cameron only pulled back when he knew Lev was close to coming. He didn’t even want to think about whatever was on the floor as he got to his feet. Lev’s whine was suppressed when Cameron flipped him around, and bent him over the bar. But Lev wasn’t able to stop the second whine when his fingers traced down Lev’s spine before pressing inside. Two fingers in and Lev was already moaning.

Lev was leaning on his forearms, head bent over as a flush worked its way down his back. Cameron took his time stretching him out as he worked himself up to his own hardness. Cameron kept using just his fingers until Lev was whining enough he started wiggling. Cameron’s only warning to stop moving was his teeth in Lev’s shoulder.

“Cameron, please,” Lev was already pleading. “Please fuck me?”

“Hmm.” Cameron added another finger, finishing stretching him out, before pulling them out one by one. He stroked himself lazily, halfway ignoring Lev’s small whine; completely ignoring Zareth’s half hearted attempt to keep himself busy. Wasn’t the first time he fucked someone in front of the demon, likely wouldn't be the last.

Cameron pressed inside Lev, eliciting a moan from the angel. He took his time deciding what he was going to do before sliding his hand up to the back of Lev’s neck and bending him forward on his toes with his cheek pressed against the cool black bar.

Cameron wrapped his hand around the back of Lev’s neck, his other hand digging into Lev’s hip, pulling back as he fucked into him. Zareth had forgotten his duties and was watching them blatantly enough Cameron debated on giving him a look to get back to work, but ultimately decided to put his energy into what he was doing. Lev’s eyes lifted to the demon staring at them, but instead of protesting, his moans unsurprisingly only got louder, his fingers curling into fists.

He only twisted Lev’s arm behind his back when it went between his legs to the dripping cock. Cameron leaned over him, teeth pressing into Lev’s almost healed shoulder. “Don’t touch,” was all he said to the angel.

That got a loud enough whimper from Lev, Cameron felt his lips ghost into a curl. Lev’s legs were trembling when he said, “Please let me come? Please.”

The part of his brain that was hardwired to give what was wanted was tempted, but Cameron wrapped his hand around the base of Lev’s cock hard enough Lev gave him a choked moan. Cameron lightly pressed his teeth into Lev’s throat enough to just barely break the skin. “No. You come when I feel like it. Not the other way around.”

Lev’s only response was a whimper. Cameron kept fucking into him hard until he felt his knot catch at the rim. He pressed Lev harder against the bar when his release barreled out of him. Cameron barely suppressed his pants against Lev’s shoulder when he finally was able to pull out. Cameron cleaned himself off and was rebuckling his belt when Lev, clearly sounding desperate and fucked out, said, “Can I come? Please?”

Cameron considered it. “Did I say you could?”

Lev gave a broken whimper but didn’t argue. Cameron flicked a look over to Zareth who was already pulling the black box from under counter out and sliding it towards them. Cameron selected a black and silver plug and pressed it into Lev’s leaking ass. “Pull your pants up,” he said, pulling back from the angel and straightening his shirt. “Make sure to clean up the bar,” he added, to Zareth, slipping the plug's remote into his pocket.

Lev clumsily did as ordered, his face flushed a bright gold. Cameron only looked to his watch before starting for his office to gather his things. He heard Lev eventually catch up to him by the time Cameron was already unlocking his office to get the remaining paperwork and his phone. Lev slipped inside to get his sketchbook and had it pressed to his chest when he followed Cameron out to his car.

------

Lev squirmed again. He’d thought it was awkward enough walking with the plug. He’d been very aware of it’s presence then, and he was very aware of it now that he was sitting in the front seat of Cameron’s car. He couldn't find a good way to settle that didn’t have it pressing against him.

“Sit still.”

Lev stilled obediently, swallowing a whine. Home couldn’t come soon enough. If he was home he could at least stand up. Cameron didn’t expect him to keep it in forever, did he? Lev wiggled, and then froze again. He leaned against the door, giving another excited wiggle when the manor came into view.

“Do you think Nik is home yet?” Lev asked, switching his gaze to Cameron.

After a moment, Cameron said, “Maybe.”

Lev hummed softly, and then said, “I missed him. Is that stupid? It was just a day.”

Only after Cameron had parked the car did he finally say, “No, it isn’t.”

Lev was out of the car in a heartbeat, but he leaned against it to peer at Cameron across the roof. “I had fun today.”

Cameron flicked him a quick look. “Good.”

Lev watched him circle the car, and slunk after him. Stars, he was super aware of that blasted plug. Sure it was keeping Cameron’s come from getting everywhere, but at what cost? That didn’t mean Lev wasn’t going to wander after Cameron. He wasn’t sure what else to do. Besides, he liked being around Cameron. Even if he wasn’t much for conversation most of the time.

It shouldn’t have surprised Lev that Cameron headed for the kitchen. Lev followed after him, eyeing the counter. No, he wasn’t going to settle there today. He’d had enough sitting for now. He leaned his hip against it instead, watching Cameron move around.

“What are you making for dinner?” Lev asked, just to break the silence.

“Steak and potatoes.” Cameron nodded at the potatoes. “Cut up the potatoes?”

Lev wiggled happily, and sidled over to them to start. He paused only long enough to wash his hands when Cameron reminded him, and then kept himself busy. He was just about done when hands grabbed his hips, and a face pressed against his neck. Lev squeaked, but he recognized Nik’s scent a heartbeat later. After setting the knife down, Lev squirmed until he was facing Nik, sliding his arms around Nik’s neck.

Nik’s mouth was on his before Lev could say anything. Lev arched into the kiss, moaning softly. He pulled back just a little, blinking up at Nik. Before he could get a word out, Nik was kissing him again. Well. Lev couldn’t really argue with that. He kissed back enthusiastically, opening his mouth for Nik as he leaned close.

Without warning the plug in his ass started... vibrating. Lev jerked, pulling back. “What-” He flicked at glance at Cameron, eyes wide. Cameron hadn’t even looked up from the steaks he was cooking.

“You kept yourself occupied, Cam,” Nik said, drawing Lev’s attention again. Nik looked amused.

“Finish the potatoes, Levant,” was all Cameron said.

Lev blinked again, before pressing a chaste kiss to Nik’s lips. “Missed you today,” he promised, before wiggling around to finish up the potatoes.

Nik wrapped his arms around Lev’s waist and pressed a kiss to Lev’s neck, despite Lev’s squeak. “Clearly you kept busy in my absence.”

Lev shrugged. “I went to the club with Cameron. I had fun.” He wasn’t near as neat with his chopping as he had been before, but he couldn’t imagine how Cameron could expect perfection when the plug was still going and Nik was pressed up against him.

“I can smell that.”

Lev flushed, pausing. “That wasn’t- He showed me some of how his paperwork works. And he promised to teach me how to play the piano.” He set the knife down, and added to Cameron, “Potatoes are done.”

Cameron took the potatoes from him, putting them in the pan. Nik just said, “You and I clearly have different views of fun.”

Lev considered that. He turned around, sliding his arms around Nik’s neck. “I mean I liked the sex too, but I just also liked the other stuff. Maybe I have a broader idea of fun?” He pressed his nose to Nik’s to let Nik know he was teasing, even as he pressed his hips against Nik, absently seeking friction.

Nik’s hands settled on his hips, holding him still. “I resent the idea that you are more fun than I am. Take that back.”

Lev whined softly, squirming in Nik’s hold. “I didn’t say I was more fun, just that I have more ideas of what is fun.”

“Hmmm. Sounds the same to me, Levant.”

Lev shoved his face in Nik’s neck, whining, “Niiiiiiik.”

Nik bit Lev’s shoulder lightly. “Saying my name like that does not move me.”

That wasn’t fair. The feeling of Nik’s teeth in his shoulder went straight to Lev’s aching cock, and did nothing to help with the frustration of having the plug vibrating incessantly inside him. He whined in the back of his throat, saying, “Is me admitting it under duress really me admitting it, though?”

“Oh is this duress? I hadn't realized you were that delicate.”

“You call me delicate all the time, I’d think you knew this already.”

Nik’s response was to slide a hand between them, grinding the heel of his palm against Lev’s crotch. Lev gasped out a whimpered protest, squirming. The counter behind him kept him from going anywhere.

“Okay, okay, you're more fun, Nik, please."

Nik grinned. “Am I?”

“Yes,” Lev insisted, his flush creeping lower. “Nik.”

Cameron’s sharp, “Nikolas,” made Lev jump. He’d forgotten Cameron was still here. It made Nik step back, though. Lev wasn’t sure if he liked Nik not touching him at all, but it was a relief to get a brief respite. Other than that damned plug still going. Cameron was moving about, starting to set the table. He barely looked over as he said, “Go wash up.”

Lev eyed Nik suspiciously, waiting for more teasing, but Nik was heading for the bathroom. Lev slunk after him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the teasing; normally he would have loved it, in an overwhelmed sort of way. But he would have felt very silly coming in his pants, and besides, dinner was almost ready and he didn’t want to annoy Cameron by delaying it just to change his pants.

After shuffling up behind Nik he pressed his nose to Nik’s shoulder, hoping Nik wasn’t annoyed. Judging by the wink, he wasn’t.

“Get washed up, Lev.”

By the time Lev was done, Nik was hovering in the doorway. Lev dried his hands quickly, and snuggled into Niks side as they headed back. Lev slowed a little bit when they got back to the kitchen, eyeing the table. He did not want to sit again, especially since Cameron still hadn’t turned off the plug.

Lev must have lingered too long, because to Lev’s surprise, the plug started vibrating harder. Or more. Or something. Lev snapped his gaze to Cameron, eyes widening.

“Sit down.”

Nik snorted as he sat down himself. Lev sank down in his chair, sitting gingerly. He poked at his plate, before starting in on his potatoes. He eventually glanced at Nik. “How’s Amara?”

“Depriving me of dick,” Nik said.

Lev blinked. He didn’t want to think about dick, not with how turned on he still was, and so he pressed, “I take it she’s okay? Is she bringing me my stuff?”

“Not any time soon, she isn’t. She’s in preheat.”

Lev stifled a groan, wiggling. “I don't know why she couldn’t-” He made a face. “Do you think one of you two could take me to get the stuff?”

“I’m sure if you ask nicely I might be so inclined,” Nik said.

Lev widened his eyes. “Could you? Please?”

Nik smiled at him a bit, letting Lev squirm until he finally said, “Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you,” Lev said, squirming again. “Tomorrow? Or is that too soon?”

Nik grinned. “I think I can manage to fit you into my schedule.”

Cameron spoke up. “Your schedule of fucking and sleeping and eating?” He arched a brow.

“In that exact order, yes.”

Lev snorted softly. He shifted his weight again, and began to cut up his steak. If nothing else, he was hungry. He’d been hungry at lunch, too. Maybe his body was finally catching on that someone was making sure he ate regularly. Didn’t quite distract him enough to keep him from wiggling in his seat. No matter what he did, he couldn’t quite settle in a way that let him ignore the plug.

Nik went on, adding, “I can fit him in between sleeping and eating, it should be fine.”

Cameron rolled his eyes at that. Which, fair enough. Nik was being ridiculous.

Lev ate a few more bites, wiggling a bit more before he said, “What did Mar-Mar need so desperately?”

“Apparently to not die of starvation.”

Lev opened and closed his mouth a few times, blinking at Nik before sighing. “I suppose that would be a very boring way for her to go,” he finally said.

Nik dropped his head in his arms. “If I wasn't such a good person I would have strangled her for the state of her kitchen. How dare she not have any food.”

Even Cameron looked disgusted. Lev just shrugged. “There’s a reason she always came to my house for dinner, not the other way around.” He squirmed a little, shaking his head. “That and only Reneé can cook in that household.”

Nik said, “I am offended,” right as Cameron said, “And yet she’s still alive.”

Lev wrinkled his nose. “Takeout is a thing,” he reminded them, standing.

“Disgusting,” was all Cameron had to say about that.

“Depends on the takeout,” Lev said. “I’ll be right back.”

As Lev was leaving, he heard Cameron mutter, “Considering the booze she drinks, I’d not hold my breath,” but he chose to ignore that.

Lev slipped into the bathroom and let out a small breath. Standing did make it a bit easier, that neverending buzzing that was the plug deep in him, but it didn’t do anything to ease the arousal constantly simmering under his skin. How long exactly did Cameron expect him to wear this?

He pressed his hand against his boner, but that just made it worse. Giving in, he fumbled with his pants, pushing his zipper down and out of the way so he could pull his cock out. Stroking it almost made things worse. He was so damn horny.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” Cameron’s voice startled Lev so bad he jumped. Cameron was leaning against the doorway, and something about his heavy stare made Lev flush.

“I was- jerking off?” Lev blinked, a realization building in his mind.

“Did I say you could come?” Cameron asked coolly.

“N-no?” Lev blinked again. “I thought that- oh. I- oh.”

To make matters worse, Nik appeared beside Cameron, looking amused. “What did you do?”

“I- I don’t-”

Nik’s grin grew. “Did you talk while he played the piano?”

“I- yes? I didn’t know-” Lev paused, frustrated.

Nik burst into laughter. “Oh you poor bastard.”

He glanced at Cameron, and then back to Nik, who was still laughing. “I’m starting to gather I wasn’t supposed to?”

Cameron’s brows rose fractionally.

“You could have just told me you didn’t want me to talk,” Lev tried.

“Do you not know how manners work?” Cameron asked.

Lev opened and closed his mouth several times before giving up. “I’m- I didn’t know. Won’t happen again,” he finally said helplessly.

Cameron pushed off from the doorway, turning to head back to the kitchen. “See that it doesn’t,” was all he said.

Nik gave a low whistle. “At least you got fucked.”

Lev pulled up his pants, making a face. “Can we go back to dinner? I’ll dig a hole to hide in later.”

“I think your holes are quite occupied, princess,” Nik said as he headed back. Lev scampered after him, grumbling.

----

The kitchen was clean, and Lev had this feeling that Cameron had something planned. Didn’t stop Lev from shuffling after them both to Cameron’s bedroom. He’d barely set foot in the bedroom when Cameron ordered, “Go put your collar on.”

Lev backed out of the room, touching his throat absently as he slipped down the halls. He hadn’t worn it once since Cameron had bought it for him, hadn’t been sure if he’d earned it, and the idea of wearing it now sent a hot thrill of desire through him. Which... didn’t help, really, because he was still so damn horny, and that plug was still going, and he was well aware of Nik following behind him.

It was right where Lev had left it, on top of his dresser. Lev picked it up, running his fingers along the smooth leather before turning to Nik. “Help me put it on?”

“Sure thing, princess.” Nik wandered over, taking the collar from Lev’s unprotesting fingers. Once it was in place, not too snug but not loose by any definition, Lev reached up, running his fingers along the leather again.

“Thank you,” he said faintly, letting out a small breath.

He flushed the moment he realized Nik was smirking at him. Ducking his head, he headed back to Cameron’s room, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. Cameron was waiting, still dressed and sitting in his chair.

“Strip. Slowly.”

Heat coiled deep in Lev’s gut. He shrugged out of his hoodie awkwardly, and fiddled with it. “I- where do you want me to- to put everything?” He asked hesitantly.

“Floor,” Cameron said simply.

Right. Well then. Lev dropped the jacket on the floor, and then fumbled with Nik’s shirt until he got it off. He plopped down and started picking at the laces on his converse, wondering why in the hell he’d tied them so tight. The weight of the others’ eyes on him just made him flush deeper. He eventually managed to kick them off, and dropped them with the growing pile of clothes before he stood, pushing his pants down awkwardly. He hesitated only a moment before squirming out of his underwear last.

Only then did he lift his gaze to Cameron again, reaching up to touch the collar anxiously. There was something... he didn’t even know what, to be the only naked one in the room right now.

“Touch yourself,” Cameron ordered.

Lev’s brows furrowed. “...where?” he finally asked.

Nik snorted from where he’d drifted to settle behind Cameron to watch. Cameron arched a brow at Lev. It still took Lev a few moments to get it.

“Oh. Oh. Right.” He was pretty sure his blush was well below his chest by now. He didn’t think he’d ever touched himself in front of anyone before, and it was as awkward as he’d feared. His hand was jerky and unsure, but he was so turned on even that was enough he was quickly short of breath and tense. Holding Cameron’s gaze proved impossible, so he dropped his eyes to the floor as he did his best to obey while not pushing himself over the edge.

Lev was damn close to losing his self control when Cameron said, “Stop.” He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not. After he lifted his eyes back to Cameron’s face, Cameron said, “Put your hands behind your back.”

Lev obeyed automatically. Even just watching Cameron slowly undo his tie had Lev’s breath catching in his throat. That wasn’t... that wasn’t supposed to be as hot as it was. Right? He tracked the tie as Cameron pulled it off and handed it to Nik.

---

Nik wordlessly took the black silk tie from Cameron and slipped behind Lev. He had his thumb on Lev’s quick pulse, his mouth on Lev’s neck while he watched the minute changes in Cam’s face as he tied Lev’s wrists together.

Nik could smell the amount of arousal on Lev and he wondered how much Cameron moved today’s events into place to get to this exact moment. This was what Cameron did, and he did everything with the razor sharp precision of someone who has been trained in these kinds of things for centuries.

Nik lightly bit into Lev’s neck as he finished knotting the tie. Lev trembled beneath his lips, his entire body holding back restraint. Nik could not blame him, he had been in this exact same position before- several times. And it was hard to not crumble beneath Cam’s icy eyes. All three of them were aware that there was one person in this room calling any and all shots and it was neither him or Lev.

Cameron tilted his head slightly to the side, pale blue eyes on Nik’s before sliding to Lev’s. The cold calculation in Cameron’s expression did not do any favors for the hardness between Nik’s own legs and if he wasn’t so damn afraid of ending up on the receiving end of Cam’s next punishment he’d whine about not being able to be fucked in this moment.

The fact Lev was the only naked person in the room only served to make him harder, and the small black remote in Cameron’s hand almost escaped his notice. The fact Nik wasn’t being filled right now had every complaint he had been building since this morning on the tip of his tongue. The only thing that stopped him was sheer self preservation and knowing Cameron would make the next solid week hell on earth.

Lev’s small, cracking, “Cameron, please?” had Cameron only notching the vibrator up another setting. Lev slumped back against Nik, his entire body trembling as he pressed his face into Nik’s shoulder, moaning.

Nik slipped a hand down Lev’s side, eyes still on Cameron’s borderline neutral face. Anyone would have thought Cameron looked uninterested, but Nik saw the amusement, the pleased look at Lev’s response, as if that was Cameron’s intention from the beginning. Nik bit into Lev’s shoulder before saying, “Can we move to the bed?”

Cameron seemed to consider it before nodding once. Nik turned Lev’s hips and propelled him forward onto the bed. “On your knees, Princess. Face in the bed.”

Lev almost seemed like he was made entirely out of jello as he did as ordered. Those golden eyes closed as he gave a low whine, turning and pressing his face into the silky black sheets. Nik looked in time to see Cameron taking his sweet time getting up from his seat. It was purely calculated and Nik was both horrified and impressed at the level he was willing to make Lev get to to be fucked.

Been there, Nik thought, dryly.

---

The sheets smelled like them both. That was all Lev could really think. He could barely think that. There was too much of everything, and Lev thought he might cry with how turned on he was. Another low whine built in the back of his throat just thinking about how much he wanted to come. There couldn’t be a higher setting on that plug, could there?

Lev hadn’t even noticed the bed dip under Cameron’s weight, but he certainly noticed when Cameron’s fingers tightened on his hair, pulling him up until he looked at Cameron. It still took a second for Lev to really focus on Cameron’s face. Only then did Cameron say simply, “Blow Nik.”

After processing what Cameron said, Lev sat up, twisting to peer at Nik. He slid off the bed, sinking to his knees in front of Nik. Faced with the fact that Nik was still fully dressed, Lev paused, blinking hard several times, before he hesitantly started using his teeth and tongue to undo the button on Nik’s jeans. It took him a couple of tries, but when he got the button undone and zipper pulled down, he was faced with another challenge. He had no idea how to get Nik’s dick out without his hands.

He stared too long, lost, and the plug’s vibration kicked up another notch. Lev lurched forward, his moan half a sob, his face pressed against Nik’s crotch as he panted. After gathering himself, he did his best, eventually managing to pull Nik’s cock free. Without hesitating, Lev dove in, working his way to the base quickly. He would have gone at it with reckless enthusiasm if Cameron hadn’t spoken up.

“Slowly,” Cameron said, voice silky smooth.

Lev whimpered, but slowed his movements, taking comfort in the hand Nik slid into his hair. Lev pulled back a little, licking and kissing his way up and down Nik’s shaft before going down on him again. He bobbed his head, slowly as Cameron had ordered, dragging the blowjob out. Nik’s fingers tightened in Lev’s hair, a low moan coming from both of them. It was easier, having something other than how fucking horny Lev was to focus on, and Lev took that to heart. Still, though, by the time Nik came down his throat, Lev was breathless and keyed up even more.

Eventually Nik moved out from under Lev. Lev all but slumped against the bed, breathing hard and whining softly. He wanted to come, or at least some sort of respite, and instead he was kneeling on the floor, face half smooshed against the side of the bed, gasping for air, and he didn’t even have anything to thrust against.

He slowly started to tense, realizing he had no idea where Cameron and Nik were. A shudder went through him. Was that it? He got Nik off, and now they were done? He... maybe that was part of the punishment? Lev could... he could handle that, he was used to that, but panic rose anyway, leaving him tense and trembling.

The plug went still without warning, and hands started pulling at the tie binding his hands together. Lev twisted a little, staring up at Nik and Cameron in confusion. His confusion only grew when Cameron asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I- I don’t-” Lev flicked a glance between them. They were both mostly undressed, which only made him feel worse. They hadn’t been leaving. He took a couple of gulping breaths, and then tried again. “I’m used to- I thought- or, I was- I was rememb- he used to just... leave me. Once he was done. I didn’t know- I didn’t know where you’d gone, and I just- I panicked.”

Cameron crouched, grabbing Lev’s chin as he said coldly, “I am not Remiel. I do not leave anyone unsatisfied and I do not take my own pleasure first.” Lev couldn’t read Cameron’s expression at all.

“We’re not leaving you, Lev. I promise,” Nik said.

Lev flushed, tears welling up. “I know you’re not him,” he said in a small voice. “I know. I wasn’t thinking, I was just- I’ve never reacted like- not ever with him, it wasn’t- I knew it wasn’t safe to- I know, and I know I’m safe with you. I just- I didn’t mean to. It was stupid.”

Cameron’s fingers slid into Lev’s hair. The action was awkward, but Lev took comfort from the contact anyway. “It’s not stupid, it’s a response.”

Nik pressed a kiss to Lev’s shoulder. “You’re safe with us.”

“I know. I- I know.” Lev took a shuddering breath, and wiped his cheeks hastily with his newly freed hands. “I didn’t- I didn’t ruin... this, did I? I don’t want to- I don’t want to stop, if you don’t.”

Cameron helped him up, settling him on the bed. “Then we don’t stop.”

Lev gave a soft sigh of relief, sniffling a little. “Okay,” he said faintly.

“How do you want to pick up? Do you just want to be fucked or do you want to go back to what we were doing?”

Lev blinked. “I want... I want to keep going. I liked it, I just- yeah. I want to go back.” He managed a smile, a little small but genuine. “I did talk a lot while you were playing.”

Cameron’s mouth quirked, just enough Lev couldn’t deny it was there. Something warm fluttered in Lev’s chest. He watched Cameron and Nik exchange looks, a conversation he couldn’t really follow, and then Nik took Lev’s hands, carefully tying them together again, in front of Lev this time.

Lev jolted a little when the plug buzzed to life again. Not near as intense as it had been when he fell apart, but it still startled him. He watched with wide eyes as they finished pulling off their clothes. Nik finished first, and was on the bed beside Lev in a heartbeat, mouth pressed to Lev’s skin. Cameron was a lot more deliberate, and Lev couldn’t help the way he tracked every single movement Cameron made. Between both of them and the plug going cheerfully, Lev’s erection, which had flagged somewhat, was back in full force. He moaned softly when Nik nibbled on his earlobe.

Nik’s hand dragged down Lev’s side, distracting him. Lev looked over as Nik stroked the inside of Lev’s thigh. When Lev leaned close, Nik kissed him. Another moan escaped Lev when Cameron climbed onto the bed beside him, his hands dragging firmly across Lev’s skin. He was getting lost in kissing when the vibrator kicked up a notch. With a small groan, he ducked away, pressing his face into Nik’s neck. Someone’s fangs pressed against his shoulder, making his breath catch harshly.

Lev found himself sliding into Nik’s lap, almost immediately rocking against Nik. Hands immediately held him still, drawing another whine from him. “Please?” he asked, plaintively, deliberately. “I just- I want- please?”

The only response was the plug’s vibrating growing more intense, and then even more so. Lev whimpered, shoving his face against Nik’s throat, squirming. Cameron’s teeth latched onto Lev’s shoulder- hard. He gasped, jerking, and then stilled obediently. He kissed up Nik’s neck apologetically, nuzzling under his jaw.

Cameron tugged at him until he slid off Nik’s lap. Lev quivered, breaths picking up in anticipation, especially as Cameron’s hands slid up his thighs, spreading his legs. Cameron tugged on the plug, sending a spark of arousal fizzling through Lev, only to shove it right back in. Lev swore he saw stars, and a low moan punched out of him.

Lev arched his back, trying to lift his hips in encouragement. Cameron simply pressed his hand against Lev’s hip, holding him still. Lev didn’t get a chance to protest. As Cameron set up an uneven, unpredictable pace, one Lev couldn’t adjust to, Nik hooked two fingers in Lev’s collar and dragged him up until Lev was in kissing distance again. Not even bothering to do anything but kiss back, Lev braced his bound hands on Nik’s chest, gasping for breath between kisses.

At some point it just became a blur of hands and touching and kisses and that damned plug, and being stretched one way, or another. Nik fucked him, he remembered that, and then Cameron pinned him to the bed and had his turn, his hand wrapped around Lev’s neck the whole time. Only when Lev was stuffed full of Cameron’s knot did he let Lev come. Lev damn near sobbed in relief, and it was probably the best damn orgasm he’d ever had.

It was only after he’d caught his breath, still locked together with Cameron that Lev realized he really had started crying. Silent, steady tears were sliding down his cheeks, the first real tears he’d had in weeks, and now he wasn’t sure how to stop.

Cameron hooked an arm around Lev’s side, his face pressed against Lev’s neck. Lev wondered if he should try to scoot closer, or pull away, but in the end he just... cried. Nik’s hand in his hair was a comfort, but it didn’t really do anything to stem the flow of tears. As far as crying sessions went, this was pretty mellow, his sobs soft. He wasn’t... it wasn’t hysteria, he just. He needed this.

Eventually they tapered off, and Lev was left sniffling softly. He tucked his face in Cameron’s neck, breathing deep. The scent of his alpha was steadying, calming. “I’m okay,” he said thickly. “I think- I think I’m done.” And now that he was he was exhausted.

Cameron looked down at him. “Are you?”

Lev considered that. “I mean... I think so? I’m always good for more crying, but... I think I’m done for now. I’m- I’m kinda tired, honestly.”

“I mean, you better be,” Nik said. When Lev looked over, Nik was smiling.

Lev turned his attention back to Cameron. “Yes. I’m done. I’m... better.”

Cameron hesitated, and then nodded. He pulled out, getting up. Lev winced a little, but couldn’t be bothered to move even a little bit. Instead he closed his eyes, letting out a tired sigh. He barely noticed when Nik cleaned him up, undoing the collar and untying his hands. At some point Nik lifted him from the bed and set him on the couch. Lev didn’t even whine, barely even opened his eyes.

When Nik scooped him up, he looped his arms around Nik’s neck loosely, sighing against Nik’s neck. The sheets he was settled against were cool, and clean. He let Nik shift him around however Nik needed, and then snuggled close. Behind him, he could feel Cameron getting in bed as well. Something clicked into place as Cameron settled. Lev didn’t even flinch as he felt Cameron’s fingers brushed along the scars on his back. This was right, was safe, was home, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

------

@idreamonpaper @livvywrites @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @halstudies @firesidefantasy

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Thoughts leading up to series 12

Happy holidays, friends! I know, I know. It's been a while. I would love to sit here and say I have been away doing important things, but really I've been hibernating. The results of that awful election, mixed with the holidays had left me feeling a bit lethargic as of late. That being said, I had a nice Christmas. Being an immigrant, I don't see my family on holidays. My boyfriend and I spent the day piecing together a Babylon 5 jigsaw puzzle. I made my pal Gerry a celery for his 5th Doctor cosplay and he gifted me a replica of the Li H'sen Chang poster from "The Talons of Weng-Chiang." It was a very Doctor Who Christmas! Sadly, there was no Doctor Who Christmas episode!

Alas, it hardly matters, as new Doctor Who is mere days away! As I did last year, you can expect weekly coverage for each new episode. I'm looking forward to getting back into the groove of consistent writing. Usually, the fandom is more abuzz when the show is actually airing, so please remember to check in with this blog, as I will be watching along with the rest of you!

If you recall, prior to series eleven, I made a list talking about some of my hopes and expectations for the new TARDIS team and the new production team. Seeing as series twelve is just days away from premiering, I thought I might do it again. Let's get to it, shall we?

The Thirteenth Doctor

Seeing Jodie Whittaker back in the TARDIS for another round of adventures has me massively excited. One of the downsides to Christopher Eccleston's run is that we never really got to see him develop the role of the Ninth Doctor. I'm hoping we'll get to see more aspects of her character. Seeing as I don't expect her to regenerate any time soon, there's still much of her personality left to explore. We've met the friendly adorkable Doctor, now let's see her bend a little.

One of my primary complaints about Jodie Whittaker's portrayal as the Doctor was that I didn't think she got scary. While I love her bravery, running headlong into danger, I would like to see a shade or two of her dark side. Up to this point, she's been too friendly to be scary. I know I'm not the only person with this complaint, so it will be interesting to see what a year of hiatus and refocusing will do for her. Honestly, I hope they don't change her too much, as she's pretty great. I'd just like to see them flesh her out a bit.

Other than her personality, I'm also hoping to see some costume variations. The trailer for the new season does give us Jodie in a bow tie, which I am all for. I've also seen a picture where her trousers are black. I'm hoping they continue to tweak her costume here and there, as watching the Doctor's costume evolve over time has always been one of my favourite things about the show.

Chris Chibnall's return

Was there anyone from series eleven that drew more ire than Chris Chibnall? Sure you got the people who hated Jodie solely because she was a woman, but on the level of legitimate concerns, Chibnall was up there. I myself threw a bit of mud in his direction, and I don't feel as though it was without good cause. The general management of the show seemed a bit aimless, despite many promising elements.

Something about the way series eleven was received gave the BBC pause to reevaluate the show's trajectory, and I have a distinct feeling that Chibnall was at the heart of a lot of it. From his lack of a season-long story arc, to the villains being a bit shit, to an overly dour tone, his first year as showrunner left something to be desired. The fact that we didn't even get a single webisode during this gap year shows me that they're still not 100% sure what to do with Doctor Who.

However, having said this, Chibnall's core TARDIS team is one of the most exciting aspects of series twelve. I can't wait to see more from this great line up of characters. And if the exciting trailer for this new series is anything to go off, we're in for quite a ride. Chibnall's most recent endeavour as showrunner was last year's "Resolution," a much-needed bit of classic Who villainy in the form of a Dalek. I was left feeling optimistic that Chibnall was capable of delivering solid storytelling. And that's the operative word- optimistic. As long as he doesn't get needlessly gritty, I'm cautiously optimistic that this year-long hiatus has yielded positive results.

The Companions

Like many other viewers, my chief complaint about the companions has to be Yaz. She really got shafted on the level of character development last year. When you have someone as talented as Mandip Gill, it's a shame to waste her. I know the fandom was quite vocal about this fact, so I fully expect to see the show give her more time in the spotlight. I don't know anyone who disliked her character, which is a good sign that the fandom wants more of her.

Ryan and Graham were two characters that I felt got a great bit of character development. The moment when Ryan finally calls Graham "granddad," was a truly exciting moment for two characters we had grown to love. The logical next step, at least in my mind, is to test the boundaries of this new relationship. I'd really love to see Graham meet a new love interest. Introducing someone into Graham's life would make Ryan have to broaden his definition of family even further. It might also be a catalyst for his own personal growth.

I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't also see one or more of the companions depart from the TARDIS. My gut says it would be Graham, but I wouldn't be surprised if all three of them left at the end of the series. As much as I love the current companions, I would love to see what energy a new companion or two might do for Jodie's Doctor.

The Villains

Prior to series eleven, I was feeling very optimistic for new Doctor Who. That is until I read an article where Chris Chibnall announced there would be no returning villains. Other than the announcement that Chibnall would be showrunner, nothing had made me more concerned for the show's future than "no returning villains." It's not that returning villains are a must for Doctor Who. It's actually a rather brave thing to attempt. The reason it's brave is that if you're going to leave out classic baddies, you've got to justify your decision by crafting new classics. And I'm sorry, but some Slipknot dude with teeth in his face is not classic.

From what I've seen of the trailer and promotional stills, we're looking at at least three returning creatures from the Whoniverse. We've all seen the picture of Jodie staring down the Judoon. If I am completely honest, those have left me with the least amount of hype, as they weren't ever even full-on villains. I've always found the Judoon slightly hokey, so I could take or leave them. The plus side is that there is still plenty of room to develop them as a species. Are there non-Shadow Proclamation Judoon? Are there evil factions? I'm curious if nothing else.

Another familiar face is the Cybermen. While I feel like both the RTD and Moffat eras used the Cybermen ad nauseam, they're still a classic baddie with a solid track record. It appears they'll have something to do with the finale and that "timeless child," storyline I'm uninterested in, so fine, sure, ok. The real alien species I'm excited for is the Racnoss! Much like the Judoon, the Racnoss are also underdeveloped. I wasn't a big fan of them the first time around, which is why I'm excited for more. I'm curious to see what depth can be found in these campy arachnids. If nothing else, the makeup is fun.

The Guest Actors

Series eleven treated us to a surprisingly tender performance from Lee Mack in "Kerblam!" We got a decent turn by Mark Addy, working with not a lot to go off as the underwritten Paltraki. But without a doubt, the best performance came in the form of Alan Cumming's King James. Not only was he as hilarious as he was loathsome, but he also elevated what could have been a more straightforward performance, by finding that sweet spot of camp and contemptible.

That being said, with actors like Stephen Fry, Lenny Henry, and classic Doctor Who alum Robert Glenister joining the show, I'm hopeful we'll get at least one memorable performance out of the lot. I've not followed many of the ins and outs of the storylines, so I have no idea who anyone is playing other than Goran Višnjić as Nikola Tesla. That being said, the addition of Tesla to the series seems an obvious fit. He was an eccentric man who was a bit weird about his pet bird. I expect his story to be one of the stranger ones we'll enjoy this year, or at least, it had better be.

The BBC's involvement

I'm hoping that in this last year, the BBC weren't just reevaluating Chris Chibnall's direction for the show, but their own involvement as well. They got rid of Bake Off and Formula One, Top Gear's audience followed Clarkson over to Amazon. All that's left are partisan news coverage, QI, Countryfile, and Doctor Who. Oh and I guess "His Dark Materials," but I don't know anyone who's talking about that show. As I said earlier, it's been a year of nothing from Doctor Who as a series. Other than comics and a less than perfect VR game, we've gotten nothing from the Thirteenth Doctor and the fam. Not even a novel or webisode to tide us over. How hard would it have been, while filming series twelve, to shoot a quick little skit on the TARDIS set? The Moffat era did this a lot, and it was always nice to see a little bit of Doctor Who while waiting for more episodes.

As the last vestige of the BBC's once-great television empire, you would think they might start to give a shit about Doctor Who. I know it's a crazy concept, but perhaps shelving one of your best shows for a year wasn't the best option. It would be nice to see them put more money and effort into the show. It would be a welcome sight to see them also put more money into the budget for things like merchandise or extended universe media. We've got three books for the current Doctor and that was last year. David Tennant had over thirty novels, while Matt Smith's Doctor appeared in over 15, and Capaldi only appeared in nine. Do you remember the last time we got a Character Options figure that wasn't a repaint of another figure? The most recent one we got was Harry Sullivan, and I'm pretty sure the only new element to that figure was his head. I've seen previews of the new companion figurines, and they're great, but I want more.

Perhaps I sound a bit spoiled. Many shows never expand beyond their allotted episodes, but this is Doctor Who, a show with a broader reach than your telly. It seemed last year that they were finally giving the show its dues. There were billboards of Jodie's face everywhere. The hype was palpable. Now, it's just four days from series twelve, and I've not even seen a bus ad for the new show. A woman I see out on dog walks was surprised when I told her the show was returning on the first of January. She had no idea. This is the Doctor Who audience that they're failing, not people like me who count the days like an advent calendar. The BBC needs to decide once in for all if they're going to give Doctor Who the respect it deserves, or sell it someone who will.

And that's it for now, friends. I hope you're all just as excited as I am to be back in the blue box. If all goes as planned, I should have a new review up the day after each episode. I'm optimistic that I'll have some great things to say!

[0idril0]

Forged

Hey guys! @genesissane gave me this prompt idea a while back, it took a while to fill because I’m definitely not a glass blower and I wanted this to be at least a little accurate.

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy this ☺️

No betas this time, all grammar mistakes are because I officially suck at grammar.

———————————

List of tools used in glass blowing for the curious/ for reference because they’re mentioned in the fic

Blowpipe- used to gather molten glass and the glass worker then breathes into the pipe to expand the glass, you can add more glass at this point, when you’ve reached the final size you attach the bottom to a Punty

Marver- metal or marble slab used to roll/ shape the glass by creating a cooler surface(when it’s attached to the blowpipe)

Blocks- ladle like wooden tools used to shape the glass, like a marver but handheld

Punty- stainless steel pipe that the glass is attached to so the glass worker can finalize the top, using a variety of tools

Handheld tools- tweezers, jacks, glass shears, there’s also handheld torches used to heat individual sections of the piece

Sleeve- Kevlar gloves that the glass worker uses when using the glory hole or moving the final piece to the annealer

Glory hole- used to reheat pieces while working it

The crucible- initial furnace that melts the glass 2400-2000 degrees

Annealer- a furnace used to cool the glass slowly so it doesn’t shatter

———————————————————

Sweat poured down his face, stinging his eyes as he spun the molten glass. The workshop was hot, and the piece was large, truthfully too large for him to be working on his own.

Spinning the orb he returned the piece to the roaring glory hole. Abram, the fire spirit who lived there was gone, making a rare trip to Venice. The forges still worked without him, not as efficiently, but they still worked. Daniel had left hours ago, leaving Nico to complete the mundane end of day tasks.

As Nico pulled the piece from the glory hole again he wished he’d taken Daniel’s advice and waited for either him or Abram to return before setting back to work.

“Come on, Come on....” the piece wobbled, the glass warping slightly on the punty as gravity pulled at it. He spun the piece harder, correcting it.

He clenched his jaw anxiously. He needed this to work. He needed to prove to Daniel that he could handle more of the glasswork, more of the metalwork Daniel needed done. Daniel hadn’t complained at all but Nico could see the fatigue pulling at the man at the end of the day. The cane in the corner of the shop being used more frequently as the days progressed.

He would do anything for him. He just wanted his friend to rest, stay healthy. He’d lived with Daniel for almost 2 years and he needed to keep the one good thing that had happened in his life.

Nico moved the pieces closer to his tools, narrowly avoiding the hissing torch. The piece had cool significantly, the angry red giving way to a myriad of blue and gold glass.

He’d worked the piece for hours, he loved watching the glass form, smell of burnt cherry wood and ink filling the air. The feel of the Kevlar sleeve sizzling against his hand as he pressed against the glass.

Nico strained as he pulled the piece from the bench, intending to break it off into the box filled with fire blankets. Grunting, his hip struck against the the old marble marver, jostling the piece.

“Fuckfuckfuck, no—“ Nico slipped, off balance as he tried to catch the piece before it broke from the punty. The piece hit first, thick blue and gold glass scattering across the shop floor.

Pain exploded in Nico’s arms as he landed on the concrete, air rushing from his lungs.

“Oh, fffuuuck....” the sound erupted from low in his chest, and he hiccuped as he drew in air again. Hot glass surrounded him on the floor and he froze as he took in the mess. “....shit....”

Daniel had told him to wait on Abram to return so he wasn’t alone in the shop. Daniel would know that he’d been here against his wishes. Anxiety crawled up his back and he felt his heart pounding against his chest.

Not only was he not going to be able to present the piece to Daniel, he’d messed up the shop instead of cleaning it like he’d asked.

“Shit.” Nico trembled where he was on the floor. He’d messed up. He shouldn’t have tried this, he should have done exactly what Daniel said. Daniel was going to hate him now, make him leave. Tell him how fucking stupid of him it was, that he couldn’t ever do anything right.

He needed to fix this.

Nico pushed himself to his knees painfully, broken glass digging into the thick gloves encasing his hands and wrists. His arms throbbed as he pushed himself up, hardly noticed, red and blue glass tinkling as it fell to the ground.

Wait red-? Nausea clawed at his stomach as he examined the floor. Liquid red was smeared along the floor in front of him and he tasted bile as he realized it was blood. Oh fuck.

Nico’s breathe came in short gasps as panic infused him. Thick glass protruded from the meat of his right forearm to his bicep, blood running in rivets into his gloves. Smaller cuts littered his left forearm, pieces of glass glittering in the low light from the forge.

“F-fuck.” Blood started to drip from his arms to the floor, splattering among the blue and gold glass. Well that will make cleaning up the glass more difficult. The thought was distant, arms numb as adrenaline pumped through him.

He fumbled at the bench next to him, standing shakily. What was he supposed to do now.

Nico gripped the thick gloves in his teeth, pulling the blood soaked leather from his hands. Brushing at the left arm lightly, glass sprinkled to the ground and he dismissed the small cuts.

Stumbling to the large sink he cupped a hand beneath his right arm, attempting to slow the spreading puddle of blood. He shivered at the cold water, suddenly dizzy as the water rushed across his forearms.

“Shshshiiit.” Nico ground his teeth together before gripping one of the the thick pieces of glass embedded in his forearm. This was going to hurt. Nico yanked the thick piece, blood gushing from the wound. His fingers twitched and jerked as water ran across the exposed muscles.

More bile crawled up his throat but Nico quickly yanked two more pieces from his arm, before hesitating at the last and larges piece in his bicep.

He took a few shaking breaths and steeled himself. Fucking just do it you fucking coward. Nico’s fingers slid, slippery from blood, and his palm caught on the glass briefly, pushing the glass further into the muscle. He moaned at the dull pain, numbness starting to fade.

Just get get it out, wrap it up, and clean the shop. Daniel would be happy because the shop would be clean, he wouldn’t have to know that Nico hadn’t listened. He wouldn’t hate him.

He wiped his clammy fingers against his sweat soaked shirt, staining it with blood. The glass pulled from his arm with a squelch and nausea won as he saw stringy muscle.

“Ooh f-fuck....” Nico groaned into the sink, spitting chunks as he shivered violently. “Just-just need to w-wrap it now... f-fuck.”

Nico fumbled at the first air kit under the sink, Daniel had said it was for emergencies and guilt made him pause. He could just replace what he used right? Would Daniel care? Indecision pulled at him, anxiety climbing higher.

Blood poured from his arm and the growing mess on the floor decided it for him. He couldn’t clean the shop if he was bleeding all over it. He picked a small pack of roll gauze from the kit, careful not to smear any more blood.

Nico quickly wrapped the deep lacerations to his right arm, the sloppy bandage smudged with blood. He grimaced when he came to the end of the gauze, blood slowly staining the bandage. His left arm stung, but the bleeding had slowed to a trickle, he pressed the hand towel from the sink to it, stemming the bleeding further.

It would have to do.

“Nikola? Are you in here?”

Nico yelped, Daniels voice startling him. Fuck. Why is he back? “Here-“Voice wavering Nico called out to the older man, “-I’m back here Daniel. I-I’ll be there in just a second.”

Daniel’s cane clanked as the man made his way from the entrance of the shop, right beside the sink he stood at. Nico panicked, grabbing his pullover from where he’d left it hanging by the sink at the beginning of the night he covered the bandages as best he could.

“What’re you still doing here, I thought you’d be back hours-“

Nico swayed as he stepped from the sink, trying to catch hold of the door as it started to swing open. He missed the handle and the world spun around him. “Fuck.”

“Whoa son—!” Daniels thick hands grabbed Nico’s shoulders as he stumbled, choking on a whine as they squeezed at the deep lacerations on his arms.

Nico jerked, pulling away from Daniel’s hands. “So-sorry—“ he slurred, vision graying for a moment before he leaned hard against the frame.

“Wha-what the hell son, what happened, are you ok??”

“I’m fine, fine, just finishing up.”

“Right.” Daniel gave him a skeptical look, pushing the door open the rest of the way. Nico tensed, waiting for Daniel to see the mess he’d made. He shrunk in on himself, cradling his right arm to his stomach, suddenly aware of how much it hurt.

He heard a deep inhale and shook harder, cringing as he wait for Daniel to react. Hitting, screaming, telling he needed to leave an never return.

“Imsorryimsorryimsorry....” Nico’s shaking voice filled the space and his vision swam again. He didn’t realize that he had slumped to the floor beside the door, hiding his arms behind his bend knees until Daniel’s face swam back into his vision.

“Hey, there you are Cola, you’re doing great just breathe, deep breaths. Listen to my voice ok? Do I sound angry? Of course not, you didn’t do anything bad. Deep breath Cola....” Daniel’s deep voice whispered to him, voice calm from where he he knelt beside Nico, rubbing his shoulders slowly.

Nico realized slowly that he’d been sobbing, and quickly muffled his mouth against his left forearm, gripping the smaller wounds tightly. He focused on the pain and slowly started to calm down.

“I’m sorry Daniel.” Guilt colored his voice and he sniffled against his pullover.

“For what?? Breaking some glass?? Son, that happens here all the time. You know that, you’re usually here when I do it.” Daniel continued rubbing at his shoulders, and he leaned into the touch, not wanting it to end.

“I, I didn’t listen to you, you t-told me to wait for Abram to come back so I wasn’t alone down here. And I didn’t listen, and I broke the glass and the shop is still messy, and you told me to clean up, and-and now—“

“Hey, hey listen, this isn’t a big deal okay? I expected something like this to happen much sooner actually.”

“Wha-what??” Nico trained his reddened eyes on the older man, confused. Had he known he wouldn’t listen? Had he expected him to screw up? Was it because of how he’d found Nico? Because Nico had always been a screw up?

Daniel gave him a small smile. “I know exactly what you’re thinking son, and that’s not it. Eventually everyone takes on a task they aren’t ready for, or can’t handle alone. It’s how we learn.” Daniel gripped Nico’s neck tightly. “I’ve done the same thing. But I learned from that. You have to learn how to lean on other people.” He stared into Nico’s eyes intently, the kindness in them overwhelming. “Abram and I are here for you to lean on now, you’re our family now. We want to help you. Not to mention, this shop is dangerous by yourself. Anything could happen to you.”

Nico grimaced, guilty, he should have realized that was why Daniel told him to wait. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Nico was capable, he wanted him safe. The idea that someone else cared about his well being made tears blur his vision again.

“It’s ok son.” Daniel went to pat his shoulder and Nico flinched, bumping his head against the cabinet. “Mmmmm.... that’s what I was afraid of. You didn’t happen to get cut did you?” Nodding towards the blood now decorating the shop.

Nico flicked a guilty glance up before nodding.

“All right, lets get you to the hospital son.” Daniel pulled at Nico’s arm, and he automatically steadied the older man as they stood.

“Dan-Daniel, thank you. I’m really sorry. I just wanted to prove I could help.” Nico tucked his arm closer to his body, pain slowly worsening.

“I know son.” Daniel smiled at him, scrubbing a hand through Nico’s hair. “Now lets get you taken care of.”

[scifinal]

DW s12e10: It's Quite Unfortunate That This Child Keeps On Regenerating

It's only fitting that the first post on a blog called "SciFinal" should be about a season finale.

Not that fitting is the fact that in said post I'm going to begin where it all started for me.

Part One: How I Even Got into This Mess of a Show in the First Place

While I call myself a huge Doctor Who fan, even a – *gasp* – Whovian, I must admit I am not as familiar with the franchise as I would like to be; I've seen the new show, I've seen Torchwood (though, admittedly, I had to force myself to finish the fourth season – but that's a story for another day), I've listened to a handful of audio dramas (including Kaldor City, which I consider to be canon for both DW and Blake's 7) – mostly Torchwood audio dramas, but who cares, – I've read a couple of comics, I've got a novel or two somewhere on my bookshelf, I've seen the first couple of seasons of the classic show, but that's about it. I can't say I grew up with it – it wasn't on TV when I was a kid, there isn't an official Ukrainian dub, et cetera, et cetera. I first heard about it when I was about thirteen, when my classmate did a project about something they liked – and was pretty dismissive of my peers' hobbies at the time, believing myself to be somewhat above them, so I didn't pay much attention.

Then somebody finally pressured me into watching it (I believe I was fifteen or something back then) and I loved it. The first two episodes of the first season, I mean. I watched those, texted my friend something like "consider me a Whovian now!" and abandoned the show completely only to return to it maybe several years later.

I loved it. This time, for real.

Doctor Who has been with me ever since that time, it has a big soft spot reserved for each and every Doctor ever in my heart, and for each and every companion. I know full well it's cheesy, and it's stupid, and it's technobabble-y, and it's glorious in all of its cheesy technobabble-y stupidity.

And I hate this finale.

Part Two: Doctor, Why

I hate this finale – because I hate Chris Chibnall. Mind you, not the gentleman himself (I don't even know what he looks like, and I can't be bothered to Google), I hate what he did to Doctor Who.

Now, when it was revealed that the would replace Steven Moffat I felt... nothing. What did you expect? I had no idea who the man was. I know now he's made Broadchurch, and I know he wrote a bunch of stuff for Torchwood back in the day, including Cyberwoman. I had to drop Broadchurch because of how well-handled the depressing atmosphere was, and I love the flawed, dumb, sexy-cyber-bikinied, almost-fifteen-minutes-of-Ianto's-whining-including (I know because some time ago I literally cut almost every single moment of Gareth David-Lloyd whimpering, moaning, groaning, screaming, and mugging at the camera out of the episode and made those bits and pieces into a beautiful clip show called "I HATE THIS" to explain exactly why his face was and still is so punchable) mindless fun that is Cyberwoman (this is also one of the two episodes in which they actually do something fun with the pterodactyl living inside Torchwood's underground base). The latter also led to the creation of one amazing in how it develops Ianto's character audio drama entitled "Broken". I love Broken. I am now forcing you to look at its cover because of how much I love it.

Here we go. Now, back to the point of me rambling pointlessly

In his video "Sherlock Is Garbage, and Here's Why", a well-known YouTuber hbomberguy pointed out how Steven Moffat's problem is that he is more than capable of writing a good one-off episodes, but ultimately fails at managing multiple complex, overarching stories, as visible when you look at the difference between Moffat's individual episodes and his run on the show.

Now, I believe that Chris Chibnall suffers from the same affliction: he's a good screenwriter but a terrible, terrible showrunner. Sure, he's made Broadchurch, but Broadchurch, in its essence, was a complete singular story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. There were no bigger, incomplete arcs expanding at the expense of other episodes, and the show did exactly what it was originally designed to do: it told an uninterrupted story.

Here comes Chris Chibnall's run on Doctor Who.

Now, while Steven Moffat was ultimately not very good at managing overarching stories, he tried to do so nonetheless, and the fans seemed to like his attempts. And while I can't be sure as to whether it was Chris' original vision for the show or he and his co-writers were merely trying to emulate Moffat, he attempted the same. A friend of mine has even pointed out how, to her, it was painfully obvious how the writers of the finale were desperately trying to copy Moffat's style (to give you some context, she grasped it from a 30-second clip of the CyberMasters' reveal, and that clip basically consisted of me filming my laptop's screen and laughing at their design, making the video wobbly and the audio distorted). At the time of writing this post this friend hasn't seen a single episode of Chibnall's era and, as far as I know, has no wish to do so – mainly because of two reasons that both have something to do with the finale:

Somebody's already spoiled it for her, so who cares;

I ranted to her about how shit this finale is and now she hates everything about Chibnall era.

I am very sorry for the latter, since I genuinely believe there are some nice episodes in these seasons, and I especially like the "historical" ones, they really are quite a lot of fun, I like Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fighting badly CG-ed alien scorpions, I love Lord Byron and Mary Shelley running around a haunted house trying to escape from a Cyberman (even though it's all too similar to the Agatha Christie episode from Russel T Davies' run), I adore that episode about Rosa P–– oh, wait, no, that one was crap and ripped off Blake's 7... Anyway, I love Jodie Whittaker's Doctor, I am a big fan of Graham, I like Ryan just fine, and I can put up with Yaz, even though it's been two seasons and I've still got no idea what's her personality supposed to be, and I absolutely love the new Master (he reminds me of a cute little pug with a big Tommy gun). There is plenty of good stuff in these two seasons, they are lots of fun to watch, but this finale... Oh god, this finale.

Part Three: We Had All of Time and Space at Our Fingertips and We Ended Up with This

We are getting to the point of this whole thing. I would love to begin with the obvious, the twist, but there's so much wrong with this who-cares-how-many-parter than this one big thing.

It is inept. It is impotent. It is incompetent. It is bad at almost everything except its okay camera work, somewhat good (for a British TV show, I mean) effects, and its really solid performances.

Its editing is tone-deaf to the extreme. There is a moment in the final episode where Ko Sharmas asks who will be the first to cross the Boundary and step into the unknown, and immediately it cuts to Yaz walking towards it, all fast and silent. I would love to show you a clip of it, but I don't have one and I can't force myself to download the episode and sit through this shitshow again just to present you with a ten-second clip. Nonetheless, that part is not edited like a dramatic moment. You edit comedies this way. Bad comedies. Bad editors edit bad comedies this way.

Its plot is incoherent. There are several plot threads in this finale, and they're managed in a way that doesn't make the viewer care about all of them at the same time, rather the viewer goes "oh, I've completely forgotten this was happening" and then, before they can even begin to care, the show cuts to something else. It's all over the place and oh so annoying.

The plot armour is painfully obvious despite every attempt to disguise it. There wasn't a single, solitary second when I believed the Doctor was really going to sacrifice herself and, lo and behold, here comes the old guy ex machina to do it for her. The only questions I was asking at that moment were "How are the writers going to prevent the Doctor's death now that they've seemingly created themselves a way to go on forever?" and "How can Whittaker care so much about her performance in this scene she's literally almost crying?". I wholeheartedly related to the Master asking "So why are we still here?" and shout–– hiss–– mumbl–– whatever-ing "Come on, come on, come on!" – at that point I've suffered through at least forty-five minutes of utter nonsense, people going preachy, religious Cybermen with Dalek motivations, that absolutely ludicrous scene in the previous episode when the show was trying its worst to make me perceive autonomous flying Cyber-heads with laser eyes as a serious threat, a shit twist and... Oh.

I've got to finally touch on the shit twist, haven't I?

It doesn't make sense. No, I mean it. I guess it makes sense from the show's writers' standpoint to retcon everything in a way that would allow them to go on forever without having to come up with a way to circumvent limited regenerations, yes. And I won't be touching upon all the lore people say this twist has ruined. No. It doesn't make sense as it is.

The twist is revealed to us by a madman that claims to have hacked into a database, claims to possess control over the Doctor's mind, and gives the Doctor and the audience no actual solid proof that the Timeless Child is, indeed, the Doctor. We have Ruth, sure, and she's nice enough (damn, I want that vest), and she's a Timelord that happens to own a TARDIS that looks like a blue police telephone box, and she calls herself the Doctor. Here's Ruth:

I really like Ruth. She also makes no sense from the show's timeline standpoint, since the Doctor's Type 40 TARDIS only got stuck looking like a police box in 1963, so there's no reason for the Doctor to not remember being her.

We also know that the Judoon have identified Ruth as "the Fugitive"... except in one of their previous appearances in the show they weren't able to identify their targets exactly and thus were seeking out non-humans. There is a possibility that they were only looking for a Time Lord on Earth.

You know what? It's possible that Ruth is actually the Master messing with the Doctor. I have just as much proof of this as I have of the fact that the Doctor is some kind of an endlessly regenerating superbeing.

But this is not the most maddening thing here. I loathe it, but I don't loathe the twist itself: I loathe its lifelessness, I loathe how empty, how unemotional, almost robotic it feels. When somebody'd spoiled the finale for me, I got angry, and I started asking questions, and when later I saw the actual thing...

This gif. I can't even explain how accurate it is. I stood there, in the middle of my kitchen, episode paused, holding a cup of cold tea and desperately looking around as if in my surroundings I could somehow find that emotional reaction that this show failed to evoke. I was ready to burst into tears of how empty it felt, and how empty I felt, and how the same show that has Christopher Eccleston go from literally foaming at the mouth with pure hatred to shocked silence in a matter of second because of one sentence that you, a viewer, can't help but be astonished by failed to make me feel the tiniest speck of literally any emotion. And slowly, I felt that vast void in my chest fill with sheer, pure, flaming hatred for the person who made me feel nothing, for the story that left me not bored – but empty.

And the next moment, in its own unique way of being absolutely tone-deaf, the show introduces the CyberMasters, looking ridiculous, being asinine in concept, making me burst into laughter with their dumb design. Wow.

So.

Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who is no longer a show. Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who isn't even, as somebody on Stardust said, a fan fiction. It's a rollercoaster. A lackluster rollercoaster that lifts you from the vast caverns of frozen hell, devoid of any life whatsoever, soulless and abandoned, to the heavenly torture of being so bad, so utterly awful and ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh as you watch something you used to love be distorted and deformed to the point where you can't recognise it anymore nor really care. This is what Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who has become. And I'm going to continue my ride on that grotesque rollercoaster. I'm going to pirate that ride and get on it again. Because I'm a masochist. Because I want to feel something, even if it's hatred towards those that make me feel nothing.

Because some time ago my fifteen-year-old self watched the first season and learned a lesson that I hold dear after all these years – that I can't abandon hope, and that someday, somehow, things are going to get better. That the future is being written right now. That the future can change.

[geekeryisafoot]

Random Magnus Archives thoughts because it’s consuming literally every moment of my free time, spoilers through ep 106

ep 100 was unexpectedly fun and simultaneously provides a really cool new twist on some of the assumptions we as listeners came with or have accepted. Like I subconsciously suspended my disbelief at how polished the tellings of the statements all are because that’s just the medium. Like duh all of these random traumatized people sound like professional writers because that's how you make an effectively written piece of media. But no, in story it’s actually an effect of the Archivist themself. I love that. It takes 100 episodes of suspension of disbelief, explains it away within the story, used that explanation to cast new light on EVERYTHING that's already happened, AND given us a rare bit of humor all at once. I’m in awe of how well written it is

on that note, Jon’s only started being aware of his growing powers this season, but how long have they actually been there?

I also love how good that episode is at showcasing all of the side characters’ personalities

MARTIN TRYING TO GIVE THAT WOMAN HIS OWN POCKET MONEY OH MY GOD

Obviously there’s lots of messed up shit that happens in this podcast, but hearing the sound effects of someone or something getting beaten to death is by far the most legitimately hard to listen to. Maybe it’s cause all the other messed up shit is sanitized and distanced through the statement’s words and being after the fact while this is right up in your face with shit that happens in real life, but oof the two beating scenes so far have been A Lot

The voice acting and editing for Michael and Nikola is so insanely perfect. Nikola is so much fun to listen to

Elias: ���my employee keeps trying to kill me, just another day at the office”

Gooooood Jon and Martin trying to talk is so painfully awkward but damn am I glad he’s finally at least trying

The way Tim describes the clown/Stranger dancing and taking his brother’s skin is so vivid holy shit those some good words

Melanie doing the clapboard at the beginning and end of her recordings is somewhere between endearing and funny

ayyy Jon is canonically ace! It’d be kinda nice if they actually used the word but hey I’ll take what I can get, and maybe they will later down the line

holy FUCK Elias that was evil and cruel

Jon is a fun accidental bastard who’s trying his best but Elias is a bastard bastard

Someone please let Jon get a good nights sleep please

[soveryanon]

Some thoughts about MAG121! (... it ended up getting long, rambling and screaming ahead.)

- “Antonio” had been one of my hypotheses for the first episode (same as season2!Jon: try to consider all the possible options, increase statistical chance to be right about one of them), since he had popped up a few times through allusions when crystal shops were involved:

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) These dreams have been a regular part of my sleeping for about eight years now. Even as life improved and I found a new job and place to live – believe it or not I now work selling crystals and tarot cards in a “magic” shop – they continued to crop up a few times each month.

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) I had a job. I sold crystals. […] I remember, before I found the nest, someone new came. His name was Oliver, and he would look at me so strangely. Not with lust or affection or contempt, but with sadness. Such a deep sadness. And once with fear.

(MAG042, Jennifer Ling) […] I saw someone staring at me from the doorway of a small shop. The sign above didn’t have an obvious name, simply reading “Crystals. Books. Tarot”. He was tall, black and careworn, deep lines of worry etched into an otherwise handsome face.

… but I had pictured a visit paid to the Archives, not… apparently-already-turned-Avatar!Oliver visiting Jon at the hospital and basically encouraging him in this path, SHHHHHHHIT. (Handsome black queer Death Prophet introducing himself officially, and Tim isn’t around anymore for this, I feel cheated (like Death). I… had been wondering if Tim hadn’t met the guy off-screen towards the end of season 3, since he sounded unsettlingly convinced that he wouldn’t come back… And now, I kinda hope that it really didn’t happen – it would probably have make him lose faith in (in)humanity even further. Oliver would have told him to “rest in pieces”, uh.)

- … I’m also so, so mad, because, yes, I had spotted him in MAG032 and MAG042; but I had totally overlooked the fact that he had lied/concealed some information back when he’d given his statement (March 14th 2015) and it’s so, so obvious in retrospect, gdi!!! He totally got me with the seemingly pure good boy utterly honest façade, and nop, he’s just super good at casually lying/dissimulating while pretending to be charmingly deadpan honest, which he did again with Georgie by introducing himself as “Antonio” without missing a beat (lol) (don’t misunderstand, I’m love him, his voice was effing amazing, and also WOW WHAT A LITTLE SHIT).

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) I tell you this because I feel you have a right to know the sort of timescales that we’re dealing with here. I haven’t had much of a chance to experiment or see anything more specific, I’m afraid. There are so many people who die in London, and I know so few of them.

^he only gave the two examples of his ex-colleague’s (a “John” =D) and of his father’s deaths, but he worked in Jane Prentiss’s shop before she gave her statement in February 2014; he had already seen her, seen her condition (and it looked… really fucked up) and yet didn’t mention it at all in his statement, and… it should have ticked me off, damnit!! Same with MAG042 (statement given November 3rd 2013):

(MAG042, Jennifer Ling) When he saw me looking at him, he began to walk up to me, still with that intense look. I took a couple of steps back, and asked if I could help him. He shook his head as if unsure what to say, then asked me what I was listening to. A chill ran over me as I realised he was staring at my ears. I said I wasn’t listening to anything, as I wasn’t wearing headphones, and asked him what he wanted. He shook his head again, and mumbled something about protecting my hearing. He turned away then, and started walking back into the shop.

He thought that Jennifer was wearing earphones!! Because there were roots in her ears!! He couldn't see her ears!! Because he was seeing it live, not remembering it from his dreams!! Gdi!!! I’m still so mad I hadn’t realized, it was just right there!!

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) Or maybe they just couldn’t be seen, fighting off death for so long that when it came at last its icy tendrils covered every inch of them.

That “icy”: he knew that they were cold because he had already touched them!!! Damnit!!

- … there is some ambiguity about the number of statements he gave (I definitely heard the plural in the second sentence?):

(MAG121) OLIVER: I gave the old woman a statement, so, maybe I owe you one as well. […] So. My name is Oliver Banks. In my other statements, I used the name “Antonio Blake”, but I don’t really think either name has much meaning for me anymore.

So, mmmm, is there another one laying around, or did Gertrude take a live statement from him after his written one?

- efhrefdjknefd about the fact that the One Person Sent To Talk To Jon would be calling him “Jon” (“Hum… Hello, Jon. Do you… mind, if I call you Jon? I, I mean. You don’t actually know me, it’s just… well. “Archivist”, it’s so… formal, isn’t it?”), while, until now, other avatars had called him “Archivist” without batting an eye:

(MAG039) PRENTISS: Archivist. (MAG047) MICHAEL: There has never been a door there, Archivist, your mind plays tricks on you. (MAG089) JUDE: No more questions, Archivist! (MAG091) MIKE: Archivist. Take my mercy and leave. (MAG097) NIKOLA: Question time is over, little Archivist. (MAG100) HELEN: Time is hard, Archivist. It’s difficult to follow without a proper mind, especially here.

(Nikola also used “Jon” sometimes, but it had mostly been “Archivist”, and hey, ~the Stranger is not known for its consistency~) -> Dat sweet-talking and trying to get in Jon’s good graces by calling him by his name, while he usually goes into squint&snarl mode as soon as he’s called “Archivist”. Oliver’s obsession with finally being able to have a good night (he wanted a “dreamless sleep”, recalled his “desperation to finally have a good night’s sleep”, “to have one good night’s sleep”) must also have hit a bit close to home, uh.

- Martin begging for Jon to wake up and help them, finally accepting a deal that sounded shady to protect the others since Jon is still unresponsive => Jon: *stays undead* Handsome black mlm passing by to tell his story, right after Valentine’s day => Jon: *HEAVY BREATHING.*

- In all seriousness, I wonder how Oliver’s statement expressed itself in Jon’s mind: were they suddenly on the boat, breaking the cycle of Jon’s dreams? Did Jon indeed feel a “fear”, since Oliver is already an avatar? (Julia&Trevor hadn’t really sounded afraid when he quickly saw them in their dream, in MAG120.) Interestingly, it looks like Oliver could see Jon’s dreams, or at least knew their content, inside of his own dreams?

(MAG121) OLIVER: […] And I do kind of know you? Haven’t had much choice, really. Dreams are like that, y’know: no matter how lucid you think they are, there is always that part that just drags you along. Guess I don’t need to tell you that, at least… not right now. […] I s’pose there’s only so long you can dream about someone and not at least try to find them. […] I don't talk to many people these days. Putting my thoughts outside myself, it's gets a bit… hm… clumsy. […] ‘wish there was a better way, but… Touching someone’s mind, it’s not… as simple as that, is it? Doesn’t always make things clearer, y’know? Still. I gave the old woman a statement, so, maybe I owe you one as well. That’s how it works, right? Give you a terror. Give you a dream. ‘t’s not like I don’t have ‘em to spare. Mm. Let me tell you about how I tried to escape.

It’s… curious, given that he used to dream of people themselves (how do the tendrils interact with Jon’s… state?); but it looks like in Jon’s case, he could access Jon’s dreams, since he knew what Jon has been experiencing. Is he currently able to communicate with people through dreams? (Either something he developed since his 2015 statement, either yet something else he didn't bother to mention at the time?) (I do wonder how Jon’s choice manifested in his dream, too! Was it to face the Eye, since Elias had narrated that Jon… was basically trying to escape its gaze/pretending that it wasn’t there by focusing on other people, though he couldn’t not watch them anyway? I had been wondering if his clue for leaving would have to do with the “DIG” ad, since it came from Martin’s statement, static included; or from Helen’s door, since… “He does not know what is behind it anymore, and he is deathly afraid of finding out. The Archivist turns away.” (MAG120) sounded like Jon fleeing, and also the least Beholding-like thing he did in the cycle of dreams.)

- I’m laughing SO HARD about how Oliver had quite clearly been sent by The Web:

(MAG121) OLIVER: [SIGH] I wish I could tell you why I came here. I wish I knew why I came here. I s’pose there’s only so long you can dream about someone and not at least try to find them. […] Then again, maybe I’ve just wasted my breath. But I don’t think so. Honestly, hum, I'm still not exactly sure why I’m here. But… you know better than anyone how the spiders can get into your head. Easier to just do what she asked!

(The fact that he tried to rationalize actions that he had not chosen is quite reminiscent of the effects Trevor had described in MAG056: “The weirdest sensation began to flow through me; I wanted to leave. […] This was just a sudden awareness of my own desire. I’d been sober for three years at that point, but I felt like I desperately wanted to get high, and I knew that the best place to get some was out in the night. Looking back, I think it might have been my own mind rationalizing the way I felt my will being tugged out of the room, but it was still very powerful.”) … and that’s the thing that made Jon tip over. He had been holding on for six months, prisoner in his dreams and under the big eyeball’s stare, and the thing that apparently made him ~choose~… was the message that The Web sent him. That’s so rude towards Beholding, Jon =D

- Also it’s the *screams* confirmation that… Jon probably never really escaped Mr. Spider back when he was a kid. At the very least, the spiders have plans for him, and it’s apparently in their interest to have Jon functioning, whether it stems from a Web-Beholding alliance or from the Web having its own plan and trying to hijack the chessboard. As far as the tense relationship between The Web and free will is concerned, I remembered something Elias had said a while back:

(MAG092) ELIAS: […] And your will is still your own, mostly.

………… that “mostly”………..…………… Elias, what do you know about this…….. (I’m still unable to pinpoint, for a lot of things regarding Elias, if the answer is “he knows a lot” or “he barely knows anything and only manages to stay in control because he’s a very pretty/lucky complete buffoon”.) (In the same exchange, there was that moment of “Feels like all I’ve managed to do is… not die.” “And believe me, that is a remarkably rare skill.” and that also does take another dimension now fedhbjnefd.)

- Relatedly: if Jon indeed gave himself up to Beholding… well… Gods. Gooooooods. I am not ready for elated!Elias since uwu!! Jon chose this path himself!! uwu. We already had a glimpse of it in MAG102 (“No, Jon, this is good! It’s a promising development!”) but I think nobody is ready for Elias being elated over something Jon-related again. (… Except for Ben, probably.) Will Elias make arrangements to send a Congratulations postcard and/or flowers to Jon from his cell. Will Jon still be Jon enough to dump them in the trash.

- Important logistic question: did Jon receive his salary during his coma, and what happened to his shiny new flat? According to Georgie, he hadn’t been paid during his, erm, escapade from the police&the Institute at the beginning of season 3 (for a bit more than two months) (though it could have been Jon avoiding to use his bank account altogether in order to not get tracked down):

(MAG099) ARCHIVIST: Look, G– Georgie, I need to move out. GEORGIE: Umm… yeah. I thought you were looking for a place. Y’know, now, now you’ve got a salary again.

(Elias, you could have at least compensated him for the weeks he spent on the run since he worked even more than usual if his sleep schedule is any indication, you’re a terrible boss in more than one aspect.) So, yeah. Does Jon still have his new flat, or will he have to find a new one again (or go back to Georgie’s, or… keep definitive residence in the Archives).

- Same question as I’d asked myself during the trailer: is the clock in Jon’s hospital room specifically the clock from Elias’s office, and did Elias arrange for this? Since we first heard it, I’ve been wondering if it had… something behind it (aside from informing the listeners that scenes were taking place in Elias’s office). Bones, or something else entirely. It’s super ominous on its own, the regular sound being half a constant reminder that things are advancing their natural course, and half a feeling of mechanicalness and of things being trapped in an cyclical system! But I do wonder if that clock had a function in-universe, too, since… it’s very noticeable. At the very least, Oliver’s words resonated strongly with it

(MAG121) OLIVER: Time is like that, isn’t it? Just keeps going. No matter what happens, it just carries on. And it strips everything away from you in the end; the good, and the bad alike, until there is nothing left of either. “This too shall pass”, “All good things come to an end”. “Memento mori”.

and it was a beautiful (and terrible) atmosphere.

- It’s possible that Georgie and Martin have met off-screen!!

(MAG121) OLIVER: Uh… uh, I’m a friend. Of Jon’s. GEORGIE: Are you now. OLIVER: Y– y– yes. GEORGIE: Right. Just… haven’t you seen visiting before.

Well, that depends if Martin has been visiting often but… Georgie sure is keeping a close watch on Jon. I wonder if Jon will still be in a state to feel guilty about it, since… ~before~ the coma, he didn’t want for her to get involved further and in the end, she did.

- I love that she’s also picky about the friends Jon should be surrounding himself with, but she quite clearly understood that Oliver was bad news (“Sorry about that. But you really don’t need friends like th–”). What was the reason she chased Oliver at the end? Because the tape recorder was running and it usually didn’t react when she was there? Because there was something weird already with Jon’s body? Or did Oliver leave something in the room for Jon, a gift from The Web? (… or could it be specifically the zippo again, returning to Jon? We don’t know if Martin had used it in MAG118, but it could have been, since it could burn statements…)

- I’ll forever be laughing at the fact that Jonathan fucking Sims dated someone who would later be a supernatural podcaster who says “spooktacular”, but at the same time, I Would Die For Georgie Barker:

(MAG121) OLIVER: I’m Antonio. GEORGIE: Sure. OLIVER: Do you mind, uh… giving us a minute? GEORGIE: No, I think you’re done here. OLIVER: Oh. Uh, right. H… have I upset you, miss? GEORGIE: No, you just remind me of someone. OLIVER: Ah, I’m sorry. Were they– GEORGIE: Evil. Yes. OLIVER: … Oookay then. I, I just, guess I should just go. GEORGIE: I guess you should.

This was the first time we've heard Georgie interact with someone else than Jon, and… Georgie!!! GEORGIE!!!!!!! I’m guessing that “someone” was referring to the events in the dissection class, since that was an agent of The End too… and now I’m worried for her, since woops, they’re related to the same shade of fear, and the idea that Georgie is getting involved in that, or at least with people deeper in it than she is… is worrisome.)

- Well. I’m assuming that Oliver chose to serve The End, it sounds pretty clear to me? He wouldn’t be punning that much about it if it wasn’t the case (do you get more powerful when you pun about your patron all the time. *eyes Elias*). I’m not sure about the rest of his situation, though, since… I saw a few other people mention it, and same, Point Nemo sounded like a Lonely and Vast territory – different powers fighting to get the upper hand influence-wise, like at Hill Top Road? The shades bleeding into each other in the spectrum of colours-that-hate-me? I had wondered, with MAG011 alone, whether “Antonio” was actually under The End’s or Beholding’s influence – the latter because… there were, and there still is in MAG121, a lot of references about him witnessing without being able to help and slowly coming to terms with that fact, his being mostly a passive observer overall, unable to do anything about it, and the idea that, when given a choice, he wanted to see, even when it wouldn’t do him any good:

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) Eventually my wandered drifting led me back to the Barclays building. Something inside me wanted to go inside, to see what it was like in this rhythmic, fleshy dreamscape. […] I was aware that I had two choices: to follow the light to wherever it might lead or to turn and retreat into the waking world. I decided to follow the path of that scarlet glow […].

(MAG121) OLIVER: I don’t know why I did it. I knew it was a stupid thing to do, walking past my own home in a dream, but I just… Maybe I wanted it this way.

By contrast, his ascension made him take an active part, with him purposely leading people to their deaths… So I don’t know if this was The End all along, or Oliver switching from another power to The End, à la Mike Crew? Also, we don’t know if he’s gay or bi/pan (he’s a mlm at the very least, since he mentioned his ex-boyfriend Graham) but: it would add another dimension to the fact that he referred to The End as a He while The Web (or its avatar) gets a She =D (My Patron Is More Appealing To Me.)

- ……………….. okay, so this statement seems to confirm that Avatars tend to have a death experience or something close to it in order to… become. It’s unclear if Jane Prentiss had clinically died when she was treated, but as for others:

(MAG089) JUDE PERRY: […] It became clear that, where once I had destroyed to fuel my life, I now lived for the pain that I caused. […] I doused myself in kerosene and set it alight. […] As the heat warped my bones and bubbled my flesh, all I heard was the loving exaltation of my god.

(MAG089) MIKE CREW: […] In the end I threw myself into the arms of that vast emptiness, and I bound my tormentor to the book.

(MAG109) ARCHIVIST: Last I heard, you were dying of lung cancer. TREVOR: I was. ARCHIVIST: And now? TREVOR: I’m not. [CHUCKLES]

(MAG121) OLIVER: […] I could feel all their eyes lock to me, panicked, hoping for some sort of explanation. I almost tried to give them one, but I barely got the first word out before the falling satellite debris hit the ship at two hundred miles an hour, killing us instantly.

Mike jumped from a tower pursued by a Lichtenberg figure; Jude immolated herself; Trevor was dying from lung cancer (and Martin thought that people had mentioned he had died after the first part of his statement); Oliver explicitly states that he died (and yet is still present in some way, and corporeal enough to need to open and close the door). That. Sounds. Really. Really. Bad. For. Jon. Given that, for all of them, it was presented as a turning point – the thing that made them tip over into another sort of existence. Interestingly, Jon got… many of his powers before this stage (compulsion, the ability to Know things he had never learned as highlighted by Elias in MAG102 and later Tim in MAG114, the languages-thing, the ability to… See?, unravelling one’s story, as he did in MAG119, and the nightmares-sharing as we learned in MAG120), but Trevor had the ability to feel the vampires his entire life, and Jude set someone on fire before completing her transformation.

I’M DEVASTATED BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT JON WAS AFRAID OF, ESPECIALLY AFTER TALKING WITH OTHER AVATARS, GDI!!! The prospect of becoming a monster and of losing himself like the others… shook him quite badly at the time.

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: So it’s… it’s back to breadcrumbs, and statements, and risking my life talking to things that barely remember how to be human anymore? [...] Am I… Elias, am I still human? ELIAS: Jon, what does human even mean? I mean, really? You still bleed, you can still die. And your will is still your own, mostly. That’s more than can be said for a lot of the “real’ humans out there. … You’re worried about ending up like that thing, lurking in the dirt under the streets of Alexandria? Don’t be. Just do what you need to, and you’ll be fine. Understood?

(MAG093) ARCHIVIST: You’ve seen monsters? GEORGIE: Not the time, Jon. ARCHIVIST: Right, it’s… it’s just I think I’m turning into one. GEORGIE: Really? That’s… not great. […] ARCHIVIST: But [Avatars] end up getting these abilities, and they lose a lot of their self. Sometimes all of it. GEORGIE: And you think… that’s what’s happening to you? ARCHIVIST: Yes. Yes. The Institute serves one of these beings. A–At least, Elias, who runs the place, does. Since accepting the Archivist job, I–I’ve been… different.

(MAG114) TIM: So, why don’t you “Archivist” me, then? Just pull it straight out. ARCHIVIST: Because I don’t want to! I am not your enemy, Tim. TIM: [DISMISSIVELY] Like that matters! These things aren’t human. It’s… instinct. You can’t not. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] I’m still me, Tim. [TIM HUFFS] I’m still… me.

(MAG115) HELEN: We’re both changing, Archivist. I had hoped, that together– ARCHIVIST: [FURIOUS] Get out. HELEN: Archivist… ARCHIVIST: Get. Out.

… And at the same time, Oliver’s statement just highlighted how… far Jon was from the state the other Avatars were in just before they turned into their current beings? Jude Perry was depressed, isolated, straying away from her girlfriend (projecting Agnes on her instead) and decided to start killing pretty easily. Mike Crew had lost his parents and was apparently quite solitary, and discovered along the way that he didn’t mind killing (MAG089: “My experiments weren’t entirely pointless, though, they did have a truth to me. I learned that I was more than capable of killing, if it brought me closer to what I needed.”) Oliver didn’t sound like he had anyone who could have mattered to him (we knew he’d lost his father in MAG011, but he didn’t mention any other family member or friend in MAG121) and… decided, at the end, to kill everyone on board. Their transformations were all preceded by them losing touch with their previous surroundings, to replace it by their dedication to their god? (Iirc, one of the Q&A had even explicitly referred to the relationship between the Hive and Jane Prentiss as a clear case of toxic/abusive love.)

But Jon… Jon had precisely being going in the opposite direction in season 3: where it wouldn’t only be about him, but about the others, and about trusting them, even artificially. That was the decision he had made.

(MAG0117) ARCHIVIST: […] Still, it does sometimes make it hard to… fully trust them, I–  … [SIGHS] You– you know what, no. I’m… I’m done with that. No more paranoia. It’s almost got me killed more than once, and… Georgie was right. If I am… slipping, then I need people I can trust. And I… I don’t think that can happen naturally for me an–anymore, so… I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them. E– except Elias, obviously, that’s not– I mean… I’ve listened to the tapes. I’ve listened to the tape, I– I know what they talk about behind my back, how much they’ve… suffered… because of… this place… because of me. God. Poor Melanie. […] I do worry about Martin and Melanie, leaving them behind, but… I– I suppose that’s- part of trusting someone, isn’t it? Letting them help how they can.

(MAG0118) TIM: You thought you brought me in as a distraction, right? ARCHIVIST: What?! TIM: Let me do it! Go in, maybe you can get some of them– ARCHIVIST: Tim, contrary to what you think, I did not bring you here to indulge your death wish! […] I knew none of us might be coming back, and I’m not gonna let anyone get killed for nothing! […] I am not losing you as well!!

I’m a big sap when it comes to the Power Of Friendship (feed it to meee!!), and I’m also aware that it might nnnnot go down super-well in a horror podcast where Bad Things Happen, but part of me still… hopes, very deeply, that it mattered in Jon’s apparent decision to not die-die (which meant, if we judge by others’ stories, to give himself up, be it to Beholding or to another one).   … Two counter-arguments, though: Jon spent six months in his loop of nightmares, which… could have been enough to break him quite a bit, and to reduce him to a state in which his decisions at the end of season 3 don’t matter much to him (or what’s left of him) anymore. There is also the feeling that Avatars tend to… look down? on their past selves and feelings, as if they now knew some deeper truth that invalidates their past thinking, and a bit like they're… rewriting their own story in order to conclude that what they became was the logical achievement of who they were?

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) Perhaps I’ve always heard it. Perhaps the itch has always been the real me, and it was the happy, smiling Jane who called herself a witch and drank wine in the park when it was sunny. Maybe it was her who was the maddened illusion that hides the sick squirming reality of what I am. Of what we all are, when you strip away the pretense that there is more to a person than a warm, wet habitat for the billion crawling things that need a home. That love us in their way.

(MAG089) JUDE PERRY: I know now they were simply guiding me upon the path to my true epiphany. All this time I was serving my god, but only for my own glory. But with each new gift, each renewal of the fire, I saw how lifeless and hollow it was, how grey and ashen my existence had become. It became clear that, where once I had destroyed to fuel my life, I now lived for the pain that I caused. And for Agnes. My sweet, hopeless Agnes. And so I ended it.

(MAG091) MIKE CREW: I know it was the first storm, the first real storm, I had seen for almost ten years, but nothing else remains in my mind. There are echoes of resignation, I think, almost desperation. That can’t be right, though. What reason would I have had not to jump? Not to become as I am now. Perhaps I just didn’t know the true joy of vertigo. It doesn’t matter.

(MAG121) OLIVER: […] That was it with the old woman too. That was different, though. Way I figure it? She stuck her nose in just about everywhere it wasn’t wanted and stirred up hornets. ‘Till all the precautions in the world couldn’t stop Death from finally catching her. If I’d’ve known more back then, I’m… not sure I would’ve bothered trying to warn her. Still… you live and learn, don’t you? […] And the worst part is that somewhere, in me, I… I liked it. Underneath all that awful fear, it felt like… home.

(Oliver had also mentioned that the tendrils had felt “almost affectionate” at first. We… really got to witness his degradation: he had initially tried to stop what was supposed to happen (with his father), he switched to warning (Jennifer from MAG042, Gertrude in MAG011), and then, was just witnessing (the “Thomas” whose identity he stole in MAG121) until… he brought around ten people to the spot where they were supposed to die, actively ensuring that they would all meet their planned ends. On the one hand, he became his current self in just two years since his first statement; on the other end, he had already concealed a lot of things in that statement from two years ago and was already deeper in that he had claimed, but overall, that… doesn’t bode well for Jon’s evolution, yeah.)

Of course, it’s only natural to come up with different conclusions at the time you’re experiencing something and in hindsight (knowing where they led to in the end, the mistakes you were making, the consequences your actions would bear), but it. still. sounds A LOT like a kind of brainwashing…? And we don’t know yet what Jon’s state of mind was when he “chose” in MAG121, though we do know that he was, personality-wise, The Best/Worst Possible Person to get into Beholding stuff, yeah, because he… had had the craving for novelty since he was a kid and the tendency to pursue knowledge at all costs (MAG093, Georgie: “That does at least explain why he picked you. […] If your job is asking questions, I mean. You were always the one who pushed too far, and asked smart-arse, awkward questions. I always was surprised you never got punched.”) Except for Mike, who switched, the Fears tend to choose people who will fit in with them and… that’s… bad…

- So overall: no idea if we’ll perceive drastic changes in Jon right away, or if it will be a slow slippery slope. I’m… worried for the hospital staff, though; Jon seems to have understood the correlations between live-statements and his dreams by the end of season 3 (MAG113: “I’m not too concerned, to be honest, my dreams are, uh… well, let’s just say I don’t think they’re going be letting anyone else in any time soon.”); we know from Basira and Daisy that it’s not only Jon, that it also affects the statement-givers unless they’re Archival Assistants and/or directly working for the Institute (MAG112: “Are you sleeping?” “Yeah. … Do you still have the dreams?” “Um, no, not really. Not since we joined up here, I don’t think. You?” “Yeah.”) and… there is a clear line between being harmful without knowing, and being harmful despite knowing (but not caring and/or prioritizing one’s own gain). So I’m afraid that Jon might extort a statement or two as soon as he wakes up, if he’s hungering for them and/or wants to get better, after having been deprived of them for so long.

I mean, I’m totally expecting Jon to go bad – and I’m not quite ready for it right now, but then, it’s not like I can’t expect my feelings to get repeatedly crushed by a lead pipe in this series, I know what I signed for, I’m in for the ride, I’ll Take It Anyway >:3 But I’m a bit more concerned about the idea of following Jon as he knowingly hurts people and doesn't care… without anyone there to remind us that hey! This is bad, actually?, and without… anything about the people Jon is making suffer. It’s not only about Jon: it’s about them, becoming victims through their live-statements, apparently being haunted by them in their dreams through Jon? (The series has been great, though, at making us feel like all these Characters Of The Day are people, with their own lives and stories, so I trust that there will be… something about the fact that this is happening to them! Also, I don’t know if Georgie has been suspecting something regarding the dreams, but if characters managed to piece things together, then, I doubt that Georgie would allow Jon to run wild? Mmmartin might, maybe a bit, but not Georgie. She might not outright kill him if she sees he’s gone bad, but she would scream at him until he puts effort into fighting it as best he can.)

- Also overall: a… lot of things will depend on Jon’s state of mind, and what he's understood from Oliver’s story. I have trouble finding a “lesson” in it, honestly? What are we supposed to take away from his experience?

(MAG121) OLIVER: At that moment, a sudden calm came over me. I understood it all. I could follow the lines of the huge veins that encased the ship down into the water, leading off to a point almost a mile from the South-East. There. That was it. That was our fate. Where we would always be. Because I was going to take us there. Running was pointless. To try and to escape from my task would only serve to fulfil another. I finally understood what I needed to do. […] I don’t know where I got the gun, but once Captain Macabee was dead, the others were very keen to sail wherever I wanted.

That you can’t escape these things? That the longer you try to run, the more innocent people will get harmed because of you? That the only way for Jon to leave the dreams would be to give in (and give himself over), confirming that there is no other solution? (Oliver told Jon that he had ~to make a choice~ but… technically, Jon can’t die in this state. How could have he chosen that option? Was he waiting for someone to mercy-kill him…?) What were Jon’s options exactly, and what did he choose? We didn’t hear about the notebook that he had found in Gertrude’s hangar in MAG113 (“Names, locations, dates. I’ll, I’ll check properly later. Doesn’t look like it’s to do with the Unknowing, I don’t think.”) and it sounded valuable enough for Jon to plan to take a deeper look at it … so as usual, Jon Is Probably Ahead Of Us, and what he does and chooses to do with it will get explained later. Notes on preventing The Watcher’s Crown? On the “new emergence” mentioned by Adelard? (But if Jon indeed gave himself to The Beholding… is it possible to do it if he’s still planning on wrecking its ceremony? That’s not really giving yourself up if you don’t want it or are planning to work against it?) (So as usual: what happened, aaaaarrrrrg)

- So far, we had been hearing all the statements recorded by the Archival staff, so… has that changed, and we didn’t hear the ones being recorded by Melanie-Basira-Martin while Jon was in his coma? Or did they stop recording them? Or did the tape recorders refuse to work because Jon was away? … Or will Jon listen to them to catch up on the time he missed, and we will discover them with him – and how things apparently got progressively worse for the assistants?

- … I had been wondering about Jon’s use of the tape recorder. He used it for statements starting season 1 and, starting with the climax and all through season 2, as a way to convey his discoveries to a hypothetical successor in case something bad happened to him. In season 3, the tape recorder started to apparently turn itself on, pretty often to record quite mundane conversations, whether Jon was there or not, and in a few cases there is some ambiguity over whether or not he had actually been turning it on when he had it on him (with or without realizing it), but… there were also moments in which it was explicit that Jon wanted conversations and talks to be on tape. It culminated with the testaments in MAG117:

(MAG098) MARTIN: […] Have you seen [Jon] since…? TIM: [GRUNTS] Kind of. We tried to talk, but he, he reached for that– Ah, he, he wanted to turn on his recorder. I freaked out a bit, and I said some stuff: if he wanted to talk, no tapes, I just, I just hate that thing.

(MAG102) [CLICK] ARCHIVIST: You’re sure you don’t mind? MARTIN: No, no, no, it’s fine, I’ve… I’ve kind of stopped noticing if I’m honest. They just sort of… turn themselves on these days.

(MAG115) ARCHIVIST: […] There is nothing you want to say to me. TIM: Nothing with that thing here, no. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Interesting. […] TIM: Why are you so set on having it running? ARCHIVIST: I… Look, if you want my honest opinion– TIM: I don’t.

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: I, I wanted to get some thoughts down before, er…everything. We all should, actually, I… I’ll maybe mention it to them.

……………. I’m wondering if… this wasn’t actually... all about Jon fearing that yes, he would (have to) turn into an avatar for real at some point, and it would probably fuck with his mind a bit (highlighting parts of him that were already there, but also rewiring him to serve his god’s objectives rather than what felt right to him) – and so, using the recordings in an attempt to… keep traces of who Jonathan Sims used to be, what his actual trains of thoughts were, the actual choices he made. Jon was very conscious that something else would come afterwards: Gerry had told him about The Watcher’s Crown, and Jon… sounded like he had picked up that stopping The Unknowing wasn’t an end in itself but also a way for Elias to get him closer to something:

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: […] Elias seems pretty insistent I go along. Part of me thinks it’s just so that we can see if whatever this… preparation he’s been trying to do on me works. And you know what? That same… petty little part of me… rather hopes it doesn’t; that all this time, all his… cryptic nudges and “learn to fly by falling” attitude ends up being a complete waste of time. Just to show him.

I do hope that his “I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them.” will matter in the long run, but I’m also crying in advance that it won’t and that will be the tragedy ;___; (I’m also not ready to say goodbye to Jonathan “I’d rather doom the world rather than prove something I despise right” Sims, please keep some of that stuff in you, Jon.) 

- worriedaboutmartin.jpg since… we still have no idea what happened/what’s happening… and he’s the only one left of the original assistants. Sasha got killed. Tim sacrificed himself to get his revenge, and his words from the season 2 finale are resonating more strongly than ever right now:

(MAG080) MARTIN: Sorry? Sorry, what? How can you not care!? TIM: Because this is us now. Worms. Monsters. Corridors. They’ll keep happening until one of them kills us and we’ve just got to deal with it.

I’m… really hoping that we will get some mourning around Tim – maybe not right now, but at some point, like it happened with Sasha. Sasha had been an open wound since Jon learned about her death, despite the fact that they didn’t remember her; Martin and Tim had expressed their feelings in covered-up, indirect or delayed ways, but there were still… bits that hinted that it was gnawing at them a lot more than they were saying:

(MAG082) MARTIN: Maybe they said something about Sasha, y’know? TIM: She’s dead, Martin. Come on! Even you’re not that blind. He got her too. MARTIN: Don’t you say that. Don’t you dare say that!

(MAG086) TIM: The first Sasha. What… What was she like? […] … Who am I even sad for…? MELANIE: I… I’m, I’m sorry… I don’t, er… TIM: Um… I’m, I’m going to lie down…

(MAG114) TIM: You know how long that thing pretended to be Sasha? ARCHIVIST: Oh god… TIM: And I had no idea? I knew Sasha for years, we… I don’t know Martin as well as I knew her.

(MAG117) MARTIN: Hey, hey, I mean what’s normal, right? Is living in an old document storage normal? Is losing a friend and not even noticing normal?

(MAG118) MARTIN: [DRY LAUGHTER] Dignity? Alright, yeah; like the dignity of being trapped in your flat by worms, or sleeping in the Archives, clutching a corkscrew! Or– or fetching drinks for the thing that murdered your friend without you even noticing…! Laughing at all their little jokes, then being left to wander impossible corridors for weeks!

… and just the mention of Sasha was enough to make Jon snap in two different season finales:

(MAG079) NOT!SASHA: […] And it will hurt. Oh, yes, it will hurt. It hurt Sasha. ARCHIVIST: Shut up! NOT!SASHA: [CLOSE AND DISTORTED] There you are.

(MAG0119) ARCHIVIST: Who are you?! NIKOLA: Who am I? Tim, of course! Who else would I be! ARCHIVIST: You’re not– you’re not… Tim. NIKOLA: Oh, you caught me~ I’m… Sasha! ARCHIVIST: Shut up! NIKOLA: No~! Really, it’s me! Sasha– whatever her name was! Back from the dead, just like you wanted~! ARCHIVIST: Get away from me, or, or I swear I’ll… I’ll…

It’s been a series where characters tend to take even more shape after their death, or at least… where the characters who died (or their secrets) tend to still have an influence, or to be present in other characters’ minds. Tim probably got the best ending he could have wished for in the circumstances and in the overall universe, but it was also a stupid death, intertwined with his desire to not come back and his conviction that the others had only taken him along as a distraction for the Stranger’s minions (which… didn’t sound like it was the case at all, at least in Jon’s mind: he had to accept Tim’s desire to come along in order to regain some of Tim’s trust). It was a sad death. It has the potential to hurt A Lot – and who will mourn for him, or at least highlight that what happened was plain unfair? Basira was wary of him and will have the Daisy issue in mind; Melanie didn’t hold Tim super-dearly in her heart, since he'd been an ass to her for the few times they spoke. Tim made a point of staying away from them, since he couldn’t trust them. There are only Martin and Jon to really remember Tim; it would feel… very cold and gritty? to just pass over his death as something that happened and to barely mention it, so I’m assuming that we’ll get something at some point.

The only glimmer of pain about Tim’s death that we have got was when Elias sweet-stabbed Martin about it in MAG120 (“Hello, inspector. Martin. I’m… sorry to hear about Tim.” “Don’t.”), and Martin might not currently be around if he was heading off to somewhere dangerous in the trailer, and it’s been six months already for him, so… I don’t know! I hope that we’ll get some mourning. Jon waking up and realizing only then that Tim died when the others have already had the time to process the information in the last six months, could have the potential to be Absolutely Awful, but the whole series is a competition between Potentially Awful Things to happen (ie: will Jon still be able to care or to feel the Hurt, in his new state). At the very least, Sasha was an open wound until the end of season 3, so I don’t really see Tim’s death getting brushed off like that – it’s a series that make you care about things, a series in which wrong things are constantly highlighted and denounced. It doesn’t mean that the horror doesn’t happen, but it always has effects on people. (Also, hi! Jon’s feeble and fragile “Tim…?” was the last word he said before the explosion happened! Before Tim’s “I don't forgive you. But thank you for this.” which Jon most probably heard! I’m fine, it’s just rain falling indoors right on my cheeks!)

… This might also be why Martin accepted to do something dangerous, after checking that “they [would] be safe”. Because Basira had put her finger where it hurt, when she told him that he couldn’t just wait and hope (MAG110: “Look, Martin. I know you care. I know you do. But caring isn’t enough. You can’t just stand next to someone with a cup of tea and hope everything’s gonna be alright.”), and Martin had decided to act on it at the end of season 3 (MAG117: “Anyway. I guess I’m just sick of sitting on my hands, drinking tea and hoping everyone’s okay. This way I finally get to do something. It’s gonna hurt, but… I’m ready. And I want to.”), though… even his plan, in the end, had most of its victories sucked out of it (yes, Elias was sent to jail, but he still has blackmail material for the officers and had already made arrangements to get Peter to manage in the interim while he was gone; and Melanie resents Martin for robbing her of Elias’s murder, if Elias’s comment is any indication; and Tim died; and Daisy went into the coffin and is probably mostly gone; and Jon is unresponsive… and will only be able to come back by sinking deeper into his inhumanity). It could make sense, for Martin, to start trying to take more risks, since he… is the only one of the original assistants to have survived this far, and hasn’t even ever been physically hurt until now (though what Elias did will probably have long-lasting effects).

At the same time!! I’m!! Glad!! That the trailer was Martin apparently asking and begging for Jon’s help, but… not for Jon to wake up in itself. It sounded like the threat looming around was unrelated to Jon’s current state? And Martin did ask about the others’ safety before agreeing, which means… that he’s not doing everything for Jon and Jon only, or to protect Jon. The others factored in.

(It’s not something I believe to have happened, but the date worries me a bit further since hey! Peter Lukas had shown Interest in Martin (MAG120: “And don’t look so down! I know, change can be scary, but eventually it happens just the same. I think we’re going to great things, Martin. Great. Things.”) and Jon has been in that state from August to February, with Martin’s visit taking place at some point before he started breathing again. That time frame… would fit with the Tundra being in the UK area, if its route is annual:

(MAG033) ARCHIVIST: […] Sean Kelly disappeared from the port of Felixstowe in October 2010, and his body washed up on the coast of Morocco in April 2011, six months later. According to the coroner, it had only been in the water for five days.

Or maybe Martin still has six months to live from now on? I mean, Sasha and Tim both died around the end-of-July/beginning-of-August. Summer’s gonna get fun in the Archives.)

(ALSO WORRIED ABOUT MELANIE AND BASIRA, OF COURSE, since Martin’s “Basira’s keeping things taking over, and Melanie is… well, Melanie is Melanie…!” from the trailer isn’t announcing good news and it’s been six months, Melanie had been doing worse and worse in just a few weeks when we left her in season 3; and Basira… just lost… her own anchor… and Daisy seemed to have snapped for real – not dead, but We've Lost Her, since Jon can’t reach her dreams anymore. I think we might be switching to them in MAG122? Will ~see~ in a few hours /o/)

- … the only glimmer of hope for a Good Thing is that if (if.) Elias is still in prison, it will mean that he has spent six months in jail. I don’t know if it’s worth everything else but. Still. Possibly One (1) Good Thing.

[waywcrdsons-blog]

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ henry cavill + cismale + he/him — have you met maksym petran? they are a thirty eight years old known around town as the the prevaricator. they’ve been in the gang life for two months, and currently work for the gang as a soldier, as well as a private investigator. they are a bisexual gemini, which means they are protective + level headed, as well as stubborn + secretive. faded bullet hole scar, worry lines, frayed photographs. × tony. twenty five. he/him. gmt. 

hey there! i’m tony. i’m 25. irish. generally a mess but sure look, who isn’t. i’ve managed to get mamma mia! here we go again (2018) to step off my neck long enough to free up one of my two braincells to let me figure this lad out and i’m very excited to write him with you all. 

                                                         ABOUT.

Maksym Hadeon Petran -- goes by Maks.

Born in May in 1980 in Kiev, Ukraine to Adrian and Vivianna. 

Older brother of Nikolas Petran. 

Father to Nicholas Petran (5).

 Moved to Valdez, Colorado with his family when he was 14 years old. Initially, he found it difficult to acclimate to life in a new town, in a strange land, but gradually he began to get used to it. Unlike his father, he was a free thinker with dreams bigger than that of a company man. 

He was out of Valdez and out of the family home as soon as he got his college acceptance letter, leaving barely a trace of himself behind as he set off to Seattle on a scholarship. He did fairly well despite English being his second language, but he dropped out of college in his second year to pursue a career in law enforcement. 

This was the same year that he was woken up at 3am by a phone call from a sympathetic voice telling him they were sorry to call so late, but something horrible has happened. Both his parents slain like pigs in their home, leaving him and his brother orphans. Despite his intentions to look after Niko himself, it was too late by the time he had returned, Balthazar Caito had gotten his hooks into him deep and with nothing to offer him, he resolved to leave him there until he got his life together and then he would return for his only remaining family. 

Maks kept his head down and relocated to Kansas so he could at least feel he was nearby and got a job as a police officer, rising up the ranks to detective. While he loves his work, another part of him wondered if it was a final of rebellion against his father -- what was more of a fuck you to the son of a criminal than that same criminal in a badge and blues putting away guys who were like the man who raised him? 

But for the most part, Maks has a strong moral compass and a clear idea in his mind of what’s right and what’s wrong, and he settled into this job well. It was easy to forget his roots when faced with a new life and a path that he chose to walk instead of being told was what he had to do but there was one piece of his past he couldn’t leave behind -- his brother. 

The weeks meshed into years before he knew it, his career remaining steady and the fulfilment he got from it like no other. The idea of reaching out became more difficult as time got the better of him. He kept track of Niko, of course he did, but he had been taught well and it grew harder and harder to get information on him. 

Until one fateful evening when assisting on a narcotics case with one of his detectives he spotted a familiar face in a photograph. Older than he remembered and rough around the ages, the grainy CCTV screen capture bore an image of his brother with the words PERSON OF INTEREST underlined in bold red letters beneath. 

This discovery was what lit a fire beneath him, despite the life he had made for himself in Kansas, he knew that the time had come when he had no choice but to go back for his brother. This departure was made equally as difficult by the fact he wasn’t just leaving behind a job but a little boy too, with eyes as blue as his and a name he shared with his long lost uncle. 

Telling himself it was in his boys best interest did nothing to soothe the ache that it caused in him, but he couldn’t be deterred. His return to Valdez was done quietly, getting the lay of the land and a feel for the town again. Rather than join the police force in his “homestate” he had quit altogether, electing instead to set up his own private investigation business which allowed for him to continue to gather intel without raising too many suspicions. 

Six months after he moved back he made it known that he wished to take what he called his rightful place in the organization. With two parents who had given their life for the cause, he was sure that his long sabbatical on the moral high road could be overlooked with some useful information that only someone who had walked down the roads he had could provide. 

He’s been a soldier for the past two months, deliberate in his attempt to not make too many waves as he tries to toe a dangerous line between a good man and a good soldier. 

                                                         PERSONALITY. 

While Maks can be withdrawn and sullen, for the most part he projects himself as easy going. A pathological liar, he’s gotten used to having to tell fib after fib since his return, which has gotten easier with each time he’s had to do it. Slow to drinker and never one to dabble in using drugs, he likes to keep a clear head about him at all times -- it was safer that way. 

Stubborn to a fault, he can be hotheaded when pressed despite trying to remain reserved. He’s deeply devoted to his family, to the point where he’ll let other personal connections wither if his brother or his son need him. They’ll always come first. 

                                                         WANTED CONNECTIONS. 

These aren’t fleshed out yet, but I’ll send them to the main when they are! The general gist of them would be:

GHOSTS OF THE PAST -- those who would remember him from age 14-18 as a quiet Ukranian teenage boy with a funny accent and broken English at first. Could be friends, lovers, enemies. Pretty much open to anything. 

KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU -- His baby mamaaaa. I’m keeping that as vague as possible but he would have met her in Kansas sometime six years ago. Could have been earlier and they could have been a relationship, could have been a one night stand that resulted in a son. This one would have to be discussed && plotted in great detail because aside from Niko it would be the most central personal relationship in his life. Could be unrequited feelings, antagonistic as shit, exes with feelings. I’m breeeeezy. 

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY -- people who work in Valdez with connections with law enforcement out of state. Maybe they worked a case or two in Kansas? Maybe they interacted at out of state meetings? Worked together on cross state cases? Maybe they know the extent of his career as a police officer and realise what a fun blackmail opportunity could be given his current attempt at gang life.

YES two out of three of them are song ABBA song titles. and YES i am deeply sorry for that. if any of these interest u or u just wanna yell at me about life, dogs or the mamma mia franchise my ims are open and or feel free to add me on discord @ -- can you hear the drums fernando?#0510 (i know that’s another one... meryl streep pay for my therapy 2k18.) 

[abandonedsince2021]

the fact that this isn’t even all of it.. someone plz take my wifi away after 12am

stella: so what’s the relationship between you two?

sydney: she’s my best friend. like if i killed someone she’s the person i would call for help to get rid of the body

jackie: we actually have done that before, it’s buried in the woods

stella: creative

marianne: what are those dead bodies doing there?

stella: honestly? not much

kim: what are those dead bodies doing there?

alistair: honestly? not much

stella: allow me to serenade you

marnie: okay, but first, let me put in earplugs

alice: aaron c’mon

frank: she won’t even notice you’re gone

aaron: no, i told her i wouldn’t

frank: she won’t notice you’re gone! what happened to bros before…

alice: …

aaron: …

frank: … my sister

(decorating a christmas tree)

joanne: and… we’re done!

marnie: we just need one final touch

joanne: what?

marianne: please don’t do it, marnie

marnie:

marianne: don’t… please-

marnie, lifting stella: star. goes. on. TOP.

stella: i don’t do relationships anymore

marnie walks in

stella: shit.

saskia: hey alice have you seen-

saskia: SHIT ALICE ARE YOU BURNING OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE??

alice: GOOD LUCK TRYING TO RETURN ME WITHOUT THE RECEIPT HAHAHA

saskia: i have only said “i love you” to two people in my entire life

saskia: alice,

saskia: and alice wearing my shirt

marianne loses stella in a hoard of zombies

marianne: finally

stella: babe (derogatory)

marnie: babe (derogatory)

baby: what does derogatory even mean?

marianne: i’ve learned not to question them

kim: where’s the candy stash gone?

baby: i haven’t had any since last week

stella and alistair, riding one skateboard between them: KIDS where’d you get those TWIZZLERS we want MORE

marianne: kids that’s a wolf it will kill you if you keep trying to pet it

kim & baby: d o g g y

marianne: you’re losing blood fast, what’s your type

stella: uhh, tall and scary, green eyes, huge badass

marianne: i meant your blood type

stella, looking down: red :(

baby: can i have a soda?

stella: i dunno, what did your mum say?

baby: she said no

stella: then why are you asking me?

baby: because she isn’t the boss of you

stella: this is a trap this is a trap th-

alice: what do i do if our relationship just doesn’t work out?

brady: just talk it out!

lena: burn her

bette: stab her

kenny: shoot her

cara: this is why i don’t trust yall.

trixie: oh come on sydney doesn’t know any words worse than crap

jackie: i think she’s been having a masterclass with stella

sydney in the distance: SHIT THE BATH

stella watching from afar: you’re doing great sweetie

sydney: can i have some cake?

stella: what’s the rule?

sydney, sighing: no cake after dinner

stella: no, that’s jackies rule. my rule is that you have to bring me a slice too :)

tyler: we literally haven’t caused trouble in weeks!

marianne: what about the flamethrower incident?

stella: we don’t talk about the flamethrower incident!

alice: alright, but-

saskia: holy shit

alice: are you sure you love me? because maybe you just misunderstood your feelings for me

saskia: oh my god alice it’s 3 in the morning

alice: ..and?

saskia: we’re married..

alice: uhum

saskia: for three years..

alice: i still don’t see your point and you haven’t answered me yet

mickey, as zombies are coming: don’t worry

alice: about a thing

mickey: cause every little thing

alice, killing zombies: is gonna be alright

aaron: i can’t believe you married her

saskia: i can’t believe you’re going to marry her

hanna: trixie, while i’m gone, you’re in charge

trixie: okay :)

hanna, whispering: sydney, you’re secretly in charge

sydney: obviously :)

kim: We need to distract these guys

baby: Leave it to me

baby: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

*Stella, marianne and charlotte Immediately begin arguing*

kim, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

marianne, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.

stella: Hey.

charlotte: Hi.

hazel: Hello.

johnny: Hey!

marianne: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

stella: We were out of Doritos.

stella: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

charlotte: >:O language

baby: Yeah watch your fucking language

charlotte: OKAY WHO TAUGHT BABY THE FUCK WORD?

johnny: 'The fuck word'.

hazel: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

charlotte: Oh my god she censored it

johnny: Say fuck, hazel.

stella: Do it, hazel. Say fuck.

callum: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

marianne: Nope, absolutely not.

hazel: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

johnny: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

charlotte I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

stella: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

stella: Time for plan G.

marianne: Don’t you mean plan B?

stella: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

charlotte: What about plan D?

stella: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

baby: What about plan E?

stella: I’m hoping not to use it. alistair dies in plan E.

kim: I like plan E.

alistair: Where's stella, charlotte, and baby?

marianne: They're playing hide and seek.

alistair: Where?

marianne: I don't think you get how this game works.

stella: Bye marnie! Bye charlotte! Bye baby! Bye alistair! Bye marnie!

marianne: You said ‘bye marianne’ twice.

stella: I like marnie :)

Charlotte: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

hazel: Several traffic violations.

marianne: Three counts of resisting arrest.

johnny: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

stella: Also, that’s not our car.

stella: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

hazel: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

charlotte: I recorded the dumb stuff.

johnny: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

marianne: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

jacob: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what russell will and will not eat.

louise: Grass? Yes!

jacob: Moss? Yes!!

louise Leaves? Ohh, yes!

jacob: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

louise: Worms? Sometimes!

jacob: Rocks? Usually nah.

louise: Twigs? Usually!

jacob: louise's cooking? Inconclusive!

Belle: How did you… test this?

louise: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

belle: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

nikola: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Marianne: stella isn’t answering her phone

marnie: I’ll call

marianne: charlotte and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

stella: Hello?

marianne, banging on the door: stella! open up!

stella: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

charlotte: No, she meant-

baby: Let them finish.

stella: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

marianne: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

stella: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING CHARLOTTE WITH ME

baby, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

stella: I just ended a four year relationship.

charlotte: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

stella: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*marianne and patrick fighting from across the room*

baby: Yo is stella sleeping or dead?

marianne: Hopefully dead, I hated her guts.

charlotte: Yeah, so did I.

stella: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Marianne: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

stella: Put spaghetti in it.

marianne: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

johnny: Put spaghetti in it.

marianne: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

charlotte: Put spaghetti in it.

marianne: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

stella: I told marianne her ears flush when she lies.

charlotte: Why?

stella: Look.

stella: Hey marianne! Do you love us?

marianne, covering her ears: No.

Charlotte:

charlotte: Why are you on the floor?

stella: I'm depressed.

stella: Also I was stabbed, can you get marianne, please?

*stella and charlotte sitting in jail together*

charlotte: So who should we call?

stella: I’d call marianne, but I feel safer in jail

jackie: WHY. why did you give sydney a KNIFE?!

Stella: I’m sorry. she said she felt unsafe.

jackie: Now I feel unsafe!

stella: I’m sorry.

stella: ... would you like a knife?

stella: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

marianne: You’re a hazard to society

charlotte: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

[alluringoneirataxia]

About Me

Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

I am 19 years old. I had blonde hair for my whole life until last month when I dyed it dark brown with blue underneath. I am an electrical engineering student. I had an internship at NASA Ames Research Center last summer. I work on my university's small satellite research lab, mainly on electrical hardware. I think calculus is fun as long as I'm not confused. I hate coding, no matter how useful it is, I hate programming. I like skateboarding with my friends in random parks, making a fool of myself, reading books, being a whore for attention, being a whore for the trope enemies to lovers in literally any form. I like swimming in the ocean until a fish touches me. I love my fraternity, it's a co-ed professional engineering fraternity. Dogs are pretty fantastic, I think cats are too but I am much more allergic to cats than I am dogs even though I have lived with at least two dogs since I am home from the hospital. I like cats, but my body doesn't. Technically my body doesn't like anything furry, or anything outside, or gluten. I always say natural selection should have taken me if modern technology wasn't a thing. I hate overhead lights, especially white ones. I am always in low lighting. I love the sun, I love summer and swimming, and I wish I could get tan, but I just burn. For Christmas, my mom is buying me a piece of land in the Highlands in Scottland, so I can protect it from being commercialized and I get the title Lady. My mom's maiden name is Scottish, so there's that, but also I feel very strongly about the environment. I hate it when they start to build new stuff. I think the human race should end with Gen Z, jokes. I really love the smell of books, but I prefer reading stuff on my phone or kindle which is super backward I think. I really only eat salad, chicken, cliff bars, and gluten pasta with nothing on it. My car's name is Djibouti, named after the capital city, not the country to be specific. I love her, she has front pinchers very badass for a Toyota. I really hate the Christmas season like in general. I especially hate Christmas music, or the number of covers, and how long they play it on the radio. I mean I like getting gifts, but everyone is very joyful and lovey and it's sickening to me. Idk be a good person all year, and stop being sickly fake sweet right now. Yes I know I'm a grinch. I like Halloween and Thanksgiving. I just think Christmas is overhyped, and I've been over it since I was 12 so sorry. I mean I still think Micheal Bubble is a fine guy, I just don't like the season in general. I prefer big dogs over little dogs. I really have always wanted a little black cat and name it Harley, but I am quite allergic. The protein in the cat's salvia is what most people are allergic to, and there are certain breeds that produce less of it, and female cats produce less, and lighter colored lights produce less, but that pretty much destroys my dream of having a little black cat. I don't know where that came from, but I've always that it was dope. I am from suburbia of America, and I went to crazy shit competitive high school, so I thought I was average intelligence until college and I found out I am slightly below average. Like 70 people went to ivy leagues, my class. I hate the two-party system in America, I think it literally reserves any progress this country could have made. I think like every white guy in your history textbook gloried. Like Trump said he's done more for African-Americans than Abe Lincoln did, and let me tell you that asshole literally only freed the slaves in the states that were rebelling. There were still slaves in like the in the middle area, and he also was responsible for the largest mass hanging in American history, and guess who it was. Some Sioux tribe Native Americans and they did it to them on their own fucking land. If you think Thomas Edison is cool, well I am about to ruin it, he was a fraud and a snake. All he did was be big charm big business man and steal patents and pay people to make stuff. My dude, Nikola Tesla though, you can trust him, he's real. He didn't get any money for all the scientific discoveries, because they were stolen, or he literally just didn't care. He was just in it for the science, man and that's respectable. I really like music. I really like a lot of different kinds of music. My spotify be popping, but for only me specifically and my very specific music taste. There are two people in this world that share 70% music taste with me. If you know who Usui is, um that's my dream man email me so we can simp. legally I do not drink alcohol or smoke oui'd or do psychedelics. legally in this written statement. I do not. Um I can't think of anything else, but I'm sure I'll come back and add more. I hope this was not your stereotypical bio. Making bios are boring as shit. Oh I love Rick & Morty. Love Get Switfy, Existence is Pain, definitely Pickle Rick, and that fucked up dragon one. Hilarious literally peak humor. I like Futurama too, and New Girl. I used to be fucking ripped as shit when I as gymnast, and then I switched to swimming and weight lifted and I was still ripped as shit but like in a more long way, and then I stopped swimming when I went to college and I lost 23 pounds of muscle. So yeah that interesting, I was like wow didn't know I could weigh this little, and then my legs will hurts when I walk up the stairs and I'm like woooooow you are weaaaaaaak, you used to swim for like 5 miles straight and do flips the fuck. But I don't care enough to work out again. I don't like to do it by myself. I was on my university club swim team for like a hot second, but the practice was at 9pm and I got cold waiting o the bus after so I stopped lol. Things I recommend:

niche youtube documentaries

pdfdrive.com

bookbub

excel is fun like if you just do it for fun like for you lmao

Things I don't recommend:

skipping your programming class before a pop quiz on Friday

sitting in this hunched position I'm in my back hurts

thinking too much or too little: they both hurt

taking things for granted: I do this a lot😕

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s NBA Previewpalooza: Part One

One of the most hectic and entertaining NBA offseasons in recent memory is finally drawing to a close, and real-live game action is nearly upon us. After ending last season by swiftly dispatching the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Golden State Warriors have cemented themselves as the most ridiculous Final Boss in the history of team sports. Barring an injury that prevents either Kevin Durant or Steph Curry from playing in the postseason, it’s damn near impossible to imagine anyone preventing them from repeating. In the same way that a movie can still be great even if you guess the ending ahead of time, the ups and downs of each of the thirty teams in the NBA are still a ton of fun to follow, even if the eventual champion is basically a foregone conclusion. For me they are, anyway. 

Today I’ll be previewing the Eastern Conference, with the teams presented in the order I think they’ll finish, worst-to-first. I’ll roll out my Western Conference predictions and my picks for the end-of-season awards as soon as I can. Let’s rock and roll.

15. Chicago Bulls. Mother of God, this roster is an atrocity. Zach LaVine is the best player the Bulls have on their roster by a country mile, and he’s currently recovering from a torn ACL. He’s not even going to be cleared for contact until sometime in November. In the meantime, their best player is...Nikola Mirotic? I guess? Mirotic is a 6′10″ PF who averaged as many three-point attempts per game as rebounds last season, while shooting under 42% from the field. Woof. 

This year is all about landing a high draft pick to add to their young core of LaVine and uh, Denzel Valentine, Kris Dunn and Lauri Markkanen. Damn, GarPax. Nice work. 

14. Brooklyn Nets. Oh, jeez. I’ll say this for the Nets: I really liked the move to ship Brook Lopez out of town for D’Angelo Russell. Lopez served no purpose on a team this bad, and there’s always the chance that the next foot injury he suffers is a career-ender. Getting a young guy with Russell’s pedigree for him is a score. In addition, the Nets are doing that thing where a team acts as a dumping ground for other team’s shitty contracts, while picking up draft picks along the way (they got a 2nd rounder from Toronto for taking DeMarre Carroll, for example). 

Speaking of draft picks, it’s impossible to talk about the Nets without mentioning the truly heinous trade that deprived them of their ‘14, ‘16, 17, and ‘18 first round picks. I still can’t believe that happened. The light at the end of the tunnel for the Nets isn’t going to be all that bright until after next season, when their rebuild can finally begin in earnest. In the meantime, enjoy D’Angelo and Jeremy Lin!

13. Atlanta Hawks. I learned recently that Dennis Schroder is a huge douche and his teammates really don’t like him at all. A team’s best player being an asshole isn’t a big deal when the player is a legit stud. When it’s Dennis Schroder, that’s less than ideal. The Hawks have some decently fun guys to watch in Schroder, Kent Bazemore, Taurean Prince and incoming rookie John Collins (pride of Wake Forest). I don’t really see it translating to a whole lot of wins, though. This feels like a transitional year for them, and I’m not sure if coach Mike Budenholzer is the kind of guy who’d want to stick around for a full rebuilding project. I can’t for the life of me find any information on his contract, so it won’t be surprising if he bails after this season, and the Hawks sink into full tank-mode. 

12. New York Knicks. Well, they got rid of Carmelo. The return wasn’t all that great (that’s putting it kindly), but it’s tough to argue that it was the wrong move. Now, the team can focus on developing Kristaps Porzingis into a superstar, and trying to build around him. The Knicks definitely aren’t going to be a GOOD team, but with Kristaps doing Kristaps things, Michael Beasley doing Michael Beasley things, Willy Hernangomez hustling like a madman, and Tim Hardaway Jr. possibly attempting 10 threes a game, they won’t be a total drag to watch. 

11. Indiana Pacers. I love Myles Turner as much as almost anyone, but he’s not enough to carry a winning team by himself quite yet. Victor Oladipo is a fine running mate, and I think he’ll have his best year to date. With Darren Collison and Cory Joseph both on the roster, the Pacers are assured of having a competent, unspectacular general on the floor at all times. I think the Pacers have enough to keep from completely bottoming out, but this still looks like a lottery team.

10. Philadelphia 76ers. There’s not a team in the league with as wide a range of possible outcomes as the Sixers. There are so many “ifs” here. IF Embiid plays 65+ games, and IF Ben Simmons hits the ground running, and IF Markelle Fultz is ready to play, this team could sneak into one of the final playoff spots in the East. On the other hand, IF Embiid has a health setback and another lost year, and IF Ben Simmons is still too raw to count on, and IF Markelle Fultz’s terrible jumper totally undermines his other qualities, the Sixers could find themselves dangerously close to the Nets and Bulls at the bottom of the conference. I think the Sixers will be one of the most fun teams in the league to watch this year, but they won’t coalesce enough to make a legit run at the playoffs until next season.

9. Charlotte Hornets. Truth be told, there really isn’t much of a difference between the Hornets, Pistons, and Magic. The Hornets losing Nic Batum to injury is a bummer, as this is a team that can ill-afford to lose a playmaker. They brought in Dwight Howard, and if the early reports are to be believed, he’s as healthy as he’s been in awhile, and he’s feeling rejuvenated. It remains to be seen how long the honeymoon period will last for him in Charlotte. The Hornets are well-coached and they have several good defenders. Kemba Walker is a legit star and has shown the ability to drag his team to the playoffs in the past. I also really liked their drafting of Malik Monk. Add it all up, and the Hornets aren’t a top-tier franchise, but they’re far from a smoldering trainwreck. I’m not great with compliments.

8. Detroit Pistons. I might be one of the few people remaining on the Andre Drummond bandwagon. I still think he has it in him to be an absolute force defensively, and I hope he makes a leap this season. Bringing in Avery Bradley gives them some more shooting and further fortifies their defense. By surrounding a rim-wrecking big man with shooters, it’s pretty clear Stan Van Gundy is trying to recapture the glory of his Orlando days. If he can get something useful in return for Reggie Jackson, and if Stanley Johnson progresses enough to be a legit rotation player, the Pistons may very well have a stew going. 

7. Orlando Magic. I really like a lot of the Magic players individually, but they’ve had issues fitting together in recent seasons. I think things will be different this year. Aaron Gordon is primed to take a step forward and become an All-Star, and Elfrid Payton has the skill to be a very good PG, especially defensively. Evan Fournier and Terrance Ross can both score in bunches from beyond the three-point line. The organization seems to dislike Nic Vucevic, but he’s a good player. He’ll either be productive for the Magic, or they’ll finally find a trade they like and bring in someone who fits what they want to do. 6′ 10″ rookie Jonathan Isaac was one of the picks at the draft that made the analysts ooh and ahh, so I guess that’s a good thing. 

6. Toronto Raptors. The Raptors are a pretty good team. They have two All-Star caliber players in Lowry and DeRozan, and Serge Ibaka is a perfectly decent third wheel. With that said, it feels to me like they’ve gone about as far as they can go. Most likely, they’ll chug through the season similar to the way they have the last couple of years, and proceed to bow out early in the playoffs. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if they get off to a slow start and decide to fire Coach Dwane Casey. After that, things could really spiral out of control, and DeRozan or Lowry could end up being traded. 

5. Miami Heat. I love Erik Spoelstra, and this roster is tailor-made for a coach to go buckwild trying to cause matchup problems for the opponent. They have an elite rim-protector in Hassan Whiteside, an upper-echelon point guard in Goran Dragic, and a slew of very good role players. There’s size and athleticism up and down the roster. They can go small, they can go big, they can load up with perimeter shooting, they have Peak Dion Waiters, and they brought in Kelly Damn Olynyk. This team as constituted is a blast. The only thing keeping them from legitimate contention is their lack of a go-to superstar. Pat Riley has proven rather adept at securing the services of players like that, but they don’t have any young guys that are obvious trade pieces, and they’re devoid of draft picks for 2018, so odds of an in-season deal are pretty slim.

4. Washington Wizards. I consider myself to be a reasonably WizWoke guy, but much like the Raptors, this feels like a team that’s reached it’s ceiling. The difference between the Wiz and the Raptors is that while Kyle Lowry and Serge Ibaka have caused locker room issues in the past, John Wall and Brad Beal seem to be more measured and mature guys, their own rocky relationship notwithstanding. I don’t see the potential for their locker room to implode the way I do with Toronto. Barring major injuries, this is a team that should coast to home court in the first round of the playoffs. Wall and Beal are a spectacular backcourt, and Otto Porter has improved every year he’s been in the league. Marcin Gortat is steady, but his style of play is rapidly becoming a liability in today’s NBA. They’re an athletic rim-protector away from taking another step forward, and unfortunately those aren’t all that easy to acquire. Also, Markieff Morris is a total piece of shit.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers. Just to be perfectly clear, I’m not saying the Cavs are the third best team in the East. I’m saying they’ll finish with the third-best regular season record. Isaiah Thomas, Derrick Rose, and Dwyane Wade are going to miss a ton of games. LeBron’s only objective is winning a title, and if he thinks resting during the season will improve his chances, he’s gonna sit some, as well. They aren’t going to care about gunning for a #1 seed, because they know they can beat anyone in the East without it. There will probably be a little bit of a feeling out process at the beginning of the year, but this is a veteran-laden roster and it should go smoothly. There’s a faint whiff of danger here, with Isaiah Thomas’ uncertain health, and the cloud of LeBron possibly bolting after the season hanging over everything. I don’t THINK things will take a nasty turn for them, but if they did it would be delightful from an entertainment perspective. 

2. Milwaukee Bucks. I am ALL IN on the Bucks. The term “position-less basketball” has become en vogue recently, and the Bucks are perfectly suited for it. They are flush with young, athletic, lengthy defenders. Half the battle in today’s NBA is trying to force defenders to switch assignments until you end up with a matchup you can take advantage of. Well, the Bucks have a boatload of guys who can reasonably guard every position on the floor. They’re going to be a nightmare to play against. 

In addition to their defensive capabilities, they have motherfuckin’ Giannis Antetokounmpo. He’s a superhuman. I think this is the year he vaults into superduperstardom, and he’s a legit MVP candidate. The Bucks figure to get Jabari Parker back sometime around the All-Star break, and if he can pick up where he left off, it’ll give them a massive boost offensively. Jabari was averaging over 20 PPG and shooting over 36% from three before he went down.

I think the Bucks will keep the pedal to the metal all season long as they announce their presence as a legit team, and as a result the wins will pile up. They are young and hungry, and will enjoy the hell out of wrecking people. The main thing keeping me from vaulting them all the way to the top spot, and giving them serious consideration to make the Finals, is the fact that they’re coached by Jason Kidd. I have no idea if he’s a good coach or not. He does completely inexplicable things all the time, but then he’ll counteract that by pushing all of the right buttons for a few games in a row. Much like the rest of the Bucks, there’s room for him to take the next step forward and become one of the league’s best. 

1. Boston Celtics. I swear this isn’t me being a homer. The Celtics are loaded and they have a very good coach. It’ll likely take them a bit to figure out how to play together, but once they get the hang of things, they’re gonna be really good. Basically everyone has a Celtics-Cavaliers Eastern Conference Finals set in stone at this point. But, whereas the Cavs have the kind of well-earned confidence that allows them to not give a rat’s ass about the regular season and homecourt advantage, the Celtics aren’t there yet. I think getting homecourt for a potential playoff showdown with the Cavs is really important to them, and as a result they won’t let up during the season. Even if Kyrie Irving does miss games, as he’s wont to do, the roster is deep enough that they should still be able to hang with most teams even without him. When you have a team with this amount of talent trying to win as many games as possible, playing in a weak conference, they’re gonna put up a enough Ws to lock up a #1 seed.

Whew! That’s it for the East, be sure to come back next time for my thoroughly uninformed opinions on the West!

[klrkwall]

No space

16. things you said with no space between us.

a prompt for my bf @knightlnred w his oc Nikola and Samson!

The smell of blood and body odour came from both Nikola and Samson. When Nikola got closer to Samson his nose scrunched up, laughing a bit which earnt a confused look from Samson. “What’re you laughing at, brat?” He teased as he set his weapon down on the forest ground and begun to remove his gauntlets.

“You smell like a dirty arse.”

Samson rolled his eyes. “Like you’re any better, princey.” He responded witfully, dropping the rest of his armor to the ground. It was as if he didn’t care about the black steel with red colored lyrium sticking out that protected him. Nikola was more confused as to why he was getting undressed. “Uh.. Love? You’re getting undressed? In the middle of a damn forest?” Nikola affirmed with a squeaky, concerned tone.

The former addict made a sound confirming Nikola’s affirmation. “I smell like Fereldan dog shit and blood, I’m gonna try and wash that shit off in the lake. You coming or gonna continue smelling like shit?”

“Bathing….in a river…”

“Yes.”

The young prince shrugged. He had done crazier things, had seen crazier things, bathing in a river was at the very bottom of the list. He undid his armor and placed the pieces and his large, sharp sword on the forest floor near Samson and looked around, making sure there were no… peeping toms. As if Samson heard his non verbal worries. “Nobody’s watchin’, except me.” Samson teased then laughed loudly afterwards, earning a glare from Nikola who hurried into the water, splashing some of the cold river water at Samson, who shrieked way louder then Nikola had ever heard.

Nikola held back a laugh. “I’m sensitive to the cold you twat.”

“Is that the new name for me now?” Nikola teased as he swam over to Samson grabbing his hand so he couldn’t escape. “Not the best choice but you’re getting closer.” Samson didn’t entertain with a verbal response, just a shake of his head and wrapping his arm around him, pulling him closer so their chests were right against each other. The prince grinned, then decided to lay his head against Samson’s chest. An action he had done probably dozens and dozens of times, and it soothed him every time.

Samson rested his head on top of Nikola’s, placing a small quick kiss on his forehead and allowed his lips to linger in the prince’s thick dark hair. “We aren’t exactly getting much bathing done.” Nikola joked, earning a ‘mhm’ from Samson.

“This is nicer.” He admitted quietly. It was nice, definitely. The cold water no longer was cold to them as their bodies had grown used to the temperature. The sound of the careful whisps of wind running through the trees were soothing, their calm, slow breaths soothing the other one. “Would this… be a bad time to be mushy?”

“It’s never a terrible time to be mushy.”

The former templar chuckled, running his hand up and down Nikola’s back in a gentle, soothing motion. “I’m not.. good with words, you know that.”

“You did say you smelt like Fereldan dog shit, so no, I wouldn’t say your vocabulary is at an expert peak.” Samson snorted. Not something he could deny, obviously.

“I just… wanna know I appreciate ya, a lot. You’ve saved my ass many times since Kirkwall and I don’t know why you’re with me-“ Nikola brought his head up and brought his hand to Samson’s mouth, covering it so it prevented him from speaking. “I’m with you because you have made mistakes, and you’ve done whatever you can to try and make things better. You have a heart kinder then the gods who placed us together.”

“Now you have the way with words.”

“Only for you, Samson.” The warm tone and words made Samson burst with affection, something that had rarely happened and was for Nikola and for him only. He tightened his grip on Nikola, making sure he wouldn’t leave. They wouldn’t be separated again, I wouldn’t allow it.

“Thank you… for being you, and loving me..” He mumbled, voice barely over a whisper, for only the two of them to hear. The words and their love would remain pure, untouched from the cruel world. And they would thank the gods everyday for that.

[tracyqueen]

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It’s heeeeere! The eighth comics anthology from Oneshi Press is all about trauma, redemption, and healing. And it’s got eight new pages from the graphic novel by Lynsey G. and Jayel Draco about ME! These pages are really special. They show my BFF Nikola’s backstory for the first time! And, on top of that, they show the moment I decided to change my adult filmmaking work from just a money-maker into a passion project. I decided to heal my wounds and my pal Nikola’s by taking back the power…with my vagina. The new anthology—with these eight pages and 13 other short comics from two dozen indie creators—is out in limited-edition trade paperback now! And the digital version is coming soon!

About the Healing Anthology

Wrapped in a beautiful cover by James Groeling, the Healing Anthology starts with PJ Harper’s multi-character introduction that’s totes adorable.

Then, it’s V2.3 of the epic graphic novel from Lynsey G. and Jayel Draco, Tracy Queen! At last, readers will  learn about Nikola the racoon’s past, how he got so damn good at electronics, and how he deals with his trauma. You won’t want to miss this reveal!

Next, it’s on to “Kreepy” Kevin Sheely and Desiree King’s “Finn: Guardian of the Five Gates.” Follow a teen rocker into a realm where the mistakes of her parents mean only she can save the world…again. UGH!

And then, Grivante and Samir Simão’s Zee Brothers face their fears! They set off to help a homeowner with a zombie infestation in “The Case of the Zombie Omelet,” Part 2. Lol, these guys are too much!

Float into a beautiful meditation about dissociation and identity in the haunting short comic “Far Away” from Jacey Chase. I can’t tell even tell you how much this story made me reflect, cry, and smile.

And explore friendship’s healing powers, whether real or imaginary. Dive into AJ O. Mason and Luca Cicognola’s “My Giant Strange Friend.” This one really gets to me. It’s got powerful healing energy, folks.

Next, discover a redemptive graphic novel that transforms a chicken wrestler into a savior. It’s the introduction to Jayel Draco’’s “Mr. Guy: Zombie Hunter”! This story is so gonzo, even I’m kind of impressed. This is, by the way, also Nikola’s favorite comic, so… I guess he has okay taste!

Totally blown away that there’s much awesome in one anthology?

Well holy crap there’s more!

Next, journey into a supportive yet dangerous adventure with a polyamorous trio! The first half of “Detour” from Allison Bannister and Tom O’Brien is a refreshing new look at fantasy. Hooray for queer, trans, poly feats of courage and daring! I love this story!

Enter a world where medicine, addiction, and blood have become complicated bedfellows. “Ziegler Box, Part 1” hails from Chaka Brown Freeman, Vicente Alcázar, Greg Gallagher, and Nouri Zander. This art is SOOOO freaking gorgeous, folks.

Up next, return to Children of Gaia with Peter Lampasona and D.L. Johnson. “Carrying Iron” offers our first glimpse into the realm of Terra…and its shady underworld. I totally dig this dark story from a whole new part of the Children of Gaia universe. Talk about healing through redemption…wow.

Then, Oneshi Press debuts its Poets and Artists series! Jenny Williamson’s haunting poem about grief and survival, “Lungs and the Ghosts of Lungs,” becomes sequential art by Libby Bacon. This piece made me cry, but in a good way… I think? You’ll have to read it see if it does the same to you. There’s trauma and healing out the wazoo here.

Follow that up with a badass female superhero who realizes that trauma doesn’t have a quick fix. “A Tale of Good Intentions” is an unsettling short comic from Patricia Loupee and Amy Hay. I love butt-kicking women!

Next, a comic I’m suuuuuper psyched for! “Quantum 1.1” finds a Northern Cheyenne woman grappling with a missing sister and newfound superpowers all at once. Lenny Peppers and James Mason team up to deliver this first installment of a new indigenous superhero comic that I’m so excited to read!

Finally, begin the third arc of Lynsey G. and Jayel Draco’s PACK. Here, the gentrification of these stray vigilantes’ mean streets has begun… And hot masked crime-fighter Patience is having none of that shit.

Look, these pages are packed with art and comics, pleasure and pain, healing and redemption. They’re gorgeous, immersive, and progressive. And I hope you’ll find a bit of your own healing inside!

The limited-edition trade paperback is out now from Oneshi Press!

Subscribers at the Oneshi Press Patreon get everything when it’s released—including new Tracy Queen art, comics, and more!

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8 New Pages of My Story in the Healing Anthology—Out Now! It's heeeeere! The eighth comics anthology from Oneshi Press is all about trauma, redemption, and healing. And it's got eight new pages from the graphic novel by Lynsey G.