#but im sure it probably exists even if its used for smth else

[jacksprostate]

Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him

Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds would’ve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.

But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. He’s the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, that’s fucked up, what you’re a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people don’t habitually blame him for his anguish. 

Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. It’s the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I don’t blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. It’s terrifying to sit and feel like you’ve realized there’s something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since it’s so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, it’s easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending it’s individual.

And it’s not like that’s not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because it’s a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. It’s a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not. 

Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish.  There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is. 

The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he would’ve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they don’t fix things. For reasons I’ll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once you’ve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, it’s very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. He’s crawling up the walls. 

So why do people say this?  Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments. 

But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails. 

And meds — meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes). 

The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing. 

And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now. 

Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb. 

I’ve been there. It’s easier, to wallow, and resist growth because it’s difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects that’ll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs they’ve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. That’s a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.

For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical company’s favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?

It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc. 

So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.

But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narrator’s mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? It’s easy to say you’d listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?

For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldn’t cope. He self-destructed. Even when people don’t make the big realization consciously, they’re already self-destructing. It’s hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,

Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time he’s in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails. 

Is he fixed if he doesn’t try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still can’t cope with the things he’s unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?

Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because you’ve discovered something you wish you could unknow. It’s a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I don’t think so. 

Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc. 

I’ve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. It’s important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. It’s worth it.

[just-some-random-blogger]

part 2 for the lovie-cutie!! well its cute but just dont touch the yellow snow... 'DO YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓' we do. 'im sure some of them are older than me' well im wearing my moms coat thats older than me. maybe your age HGJDJFG SORRY. sorry, catmom. oldie but goldie. im impressed by such a great collection. 'im hungry T_T' bon appetit ig TT 'i used to have a crush on my philosophy teacher' awwww. ive read a fic like this... idk if i ever had a crush but i absolutely had some strong feelings to my rus lang teachers and the math one bc of the mommy issues ig... sorry, im back to your story. no but its a kinda cute story. but the ending is ??!!!?!! hajffk if it makes sense. writing poetry abt smn sounds nice. i used to write some poems abt my first idk sympathy? too. it was a more dramatic story (not underestimating your feelings!). if youre glad these feelings went away, im glad for you. all experience is an experience to have and liking smn worth of being felt. 'ARE YOU TUMBLR' you never know.... ITS SUCH A CUTE STORY WITH THE BLUES CLUES TT its delightful that content that can stimulate childrens interest in science exist. 'and i remember learning that mars had 2 moons' deimos and phobos! deimos is pronounced just as daemon dont you see any like.... OMG i was going to talk abt the moons but!! targaryens are said to be more like gods but if an au with them as greek and roman gods? daemon as the god of war anD! aemond as the hades who marries persephone and cherishes her like nothing else. theres probably smth like this on tumblr but ive just thought abt it. so. these 2 moons was literally the only thing i remembered and ALWAYS said during my astronomy lessons. to the point my teacher was like 'oh katyas going to like this question' and i was like DEIMOS AND PHOBOS my babes TT SORRY i got carried away. 'they have two nights' AAAW these cute childrens assumptions on how the world works TT i lovelove them so much. theyre so cute and amusing TT but its a good logic! big baby brain! its good your brain didnt explode!! it wouldve been such a tragedy to loose THE genius brain! 'a post which was like you cant think of a color' oh this provoking shit! ig the fact that i can make out the constellations has smth with the tilt of Earth? my hometown is pretty very very close to the border of the North Pole so atmosphere there is thinner and basically? it means? sky is closer? smth like this. tbh the northern sky is the sight to see. both in winter and in the summer. bc in winter the constellations are visible and yk the polar night while in the summer its the polar day and the sky is so white-ish, the sun never sets down and the airs so fresh TT omg i miss it. also this cute dream abt stars TT its so touching that you wanted to see constellations that much. 'ok then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sandman fics it is' OK now YOURE provoking. ok maybe next message. 'i imaged her to be younger' me too but doesnt she deserve it? 'BAD INFLUENCE BUT ALSO BRILLIANT MIND' THANKS im trying my best. im glad you liked it! hope to see it one day in your blog. anything, actually. so good luck with your queue! im finally gonna sleep YEY. have a nice day/evening/night!! good luck! love you! take care <з

HEWWO

i watched an ep of doctor who with my mom T_T it was a mistake to pick a random ep i was very ? confused i was pretending i understood it and just watched til the end because i was tryna commit to it T_T HAHHAHAH

anyway heres a kitty for good luck

omg this reminds me of this stray that went up to our house and i pet him and he was so sweet and he laid in front of me and i was like i want to pet you but if i pet you im going to have to feed you and i have no food im so sorry so its a no for me 😩😞 it was a dark day for humanity

well its cute but just dont touch the yellow snow...

STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPP TT_________TTTTTTTT YUCK

'DO YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓' we do.

very good

'im sure some of them are older than me' well im wearing my moms coat thats older than me. maybe your age HGJDJFG SORRY. sorry, catmom. oldie but goldie. im impressed by such a great collection.

im not offended by that at all i wear my moms clothes that are older than all of us sibs so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you dont have to apologize for it. i dont think ill ever be offended by being called old at least i hope not. ill always be old to someone and young to others

'im hungry T_T' bon appetit ig TT

im hungry again but i cant eat cos im going to sleep and i cant sleep with a full stomach it hurts when i do T_T or ok not hurt its just uncomfy

'i used to have a crush on my philosophy teacher' awwww. ive read a fic like this... idk if i ever had a crush but i absolutely had some strong feelings to my rus lang teachers and the math one bc of the mommy issues ig... sorry, im back to your story.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAH MOMMY ISSUES

im glad you find my cringe cute HAHAHAH 🤢🤢🤢

no but its a kinda cute story. but the ending is ??!!!?!! hajffk if it makes sense.

HAHAHHHHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT DID YOU EXPECT THAT ID DATE HIM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO T_T

writing poetry abt smn sounds nice. i used to write some poems abt my first idk sympathy? too. it was a more dramatic story (not underestimating your feelings!).

lol HAHAHAH im not offended by things like that MY GOSH DO YOU THINK IM PETTY i am BUT NOT THAT PETTY

if youre glad these feelings went away, im glad for you. all experience is an experience to have and liking smn worth of being felt.

im so glad 😩💅😬🤢

'ARE YOU TUMBLR' you never know....

ITS SUCH A CUTE STORY WITH THE BLUES CLUES TT its delightful that content that can stimulate childrens interest in science exist.

YES I LOVE THAT VIDEO GAME SO MUCH IF I HAD IT I WOULD PLAY IT YOU KNOW WHAT LET ME TRY AND FIND IT TO AT LEAST SHOW YOU IF I CANT PLAY IT

omg i think this is it im going to cry

i dont remember it being like this entirely but i think this is it. HELP PLUTO MY PLUTO T_T im going to cry

'and i remember learning that mars had 2 moons' deimos and phobos! deimos is pronounced just as daemon dont you see any like.... OMG i was going to talk abt the moons but!!

HAHHAHAH i have no idea what the mars moons are called but if you say so i trust you i might remember this this time around because i dont have a kid brain anymore just a large kid brain HAHAHH

targaryens are said to be more like gods but if an au with them as greek and roman gods? daemon as the god of war anD! aemond as the hades who marries persephone and cherishes her like nothing else.

LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE THIS IN AND OF ITSELF IS ALREADY SUCH A GREAT STORY IDEA PLS THATS SO GOOD NAUR I HAVE TO WRITE THIS DOWN

theres probably smth like this on tumblr but ive just thought abt it. so.

ur such a bad influence who cares if theres smth like this you nor i have not written it so thats all that matters

these 2 moons was literally the only thing i remembered and ALWAYS said during my astronomy lessons. to the point my teacher was like 'oh katyas going to like this question' and i was like DEIMOS AND PHOBOS my babes TT SORRY i got carried away.

HAHHAHA THATS FINE <3 its so fun that we have a shared interest with space!!! LOVE THAT FOR US. go off my deimos and phobos queen she like me for real reciting and stuff HAHAAH

'they have two nights' AAAW these cute childrens assumptions on how the world works TT i lovelove them so much. theyre so cute and amusing TT but its a good logic! big baby brain! its good your brain didnt explode!! it wouldve been such a tragedy to loose THE genius brain!

T_T IM GLAD YOU THINK MY SUFFERING WAS CUTE you have no idea how frustrating this was for me i was like so if a day is 24 so half of that would be day half would be night but then i was like then that means they have ... 1 night.... and just really short days T_T HLAKHLKASHFLSAFLSAFASF im glad i didnt lose my brains either

'a post which was like you cant think of a color' oh this provoking shit!

it was i cried like literally literally bawling cried

ig the fact that i can make out the constellations has smth with the tilt of Earth? my hometown is pretty very very close to the border of the North Pole so atmosphere there is thinner and basically? it means? sky is closer? smth like this. tbh the northern sky is the sight to see. both in winter and in the summer. bc in winter the constellations are visible and yk the polar night while in the summer its the polar day and the sky is so white-ish, the sun never sets down and the airs so fresh TT omg i miss it.

i think it has to do with light polution as well. i live in the city so the lights are never off, never fully. also damN IS THE SKY CLOSER WTF THERE ???? damn. i mean i can see the stars here i just ??? idk which is which

also this cute dream abt stars TT its so touching that you wanted to see constellations that much.

[kicks can] im such a fucking nerd dude HAHHAHHHA

'ok then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sandman fics it is' OK now YOURE provoking. ok maybe next message.

lol ok HAHAHAHA

'i imaged her to be younger' me too but doesnt she deserve it?

but it isnt about deserve its about tradition. rhaenys deserved to be heir but nah

'BAD INFLUENCE BUT ALSO BRILLIANT MIND' THANKS im trying my best. im glad you liked it! hope to see it one day in your blog. anything, actually. so good luck with your queue!

HAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAH i hope to see it to T_T i always like your ideas! and yes my queue T_T my loooong queue

im finally gonna sleep YEY. have a nice day/evening/night!! good luck! love you! take care <з

same my back hers as per usual

im luv you so much my dear

xxx

[f4ll3nf34th3r5y5t]

TW VENT!! dont read if ur sad or smth!!!

i hesitate to write this. genuinely. theres people i know will see it and theres those who wont but i really want to. i dont even feel upset writing this, i feel pretty good actually. i think writing this wont help, i know it wont, but itll be said right? which is better than nothing(maybe). 

some of us, and i wont name, have a horrible habit of checking accounts of people we no longer talk to and wow! you guessed it. exs fall into that. its mainly to see how theyre doing(usually /neg) or cus theyre bored. but we all get those memories. and the pain can meld to others which sucks, really. thankfully this doesnt happen often! but it still happens and it still hurts. an example is one of them sent a anon tell to an ex of ours asking if they checked their exs accounts. part of the reason why other than curiosity was because we were a little suspicious they sent us tells n shit. im more confident they dont now after a bit of research but we cant talk in headspace easily. and even so who wants to talk about their bad habits? not them. but to the actual point, ive had nightmares my whole life. i dont have dreams anymore as far as i can tell, they always morph their way into something i dont count as a decent thing. and more often than not ive found someone from our past whos hurt us a lot is always there. we had one with a man named steven who ruined our childhood a couple days ago. we screamed at him about how we hate him so fucking much and personally? thats progress! we recognize we didnt deserve it. we recognize that it was wrong and he deserves to burn. 

but quite a few of these nightmares have our most recent ex. since theyre not almost dead like steven i wont name them, ill refer to them as K. im not sure theyll see any of this. part of us hopes they will. part of me hopes that too. id like to help set the record straight.

we dated them for a year and a few days. we met on discord and grew close in a short amount of time. they were 16, i was 14. theyre 18 and im 16 now. so its been almost 2 years, its been 2 years since we met though. the relationship was good as far as i knew but now as ive grown i realize even if the age gap isnt big, thats 2 different maturities. they were hypersexual, i was asexual. the pressure made me graysexual and im also now hypersexual(in a way). i felt bad for saying no, which made me what others see as a shy partner who relies on their s/o to function. i felt bad that i didnt rely on them to exist, as if theyd get mad at me for not needing them to breath. and i think i was right too. even if they think now ‘no i wouldnt of’, i know that that would upset them. because in a way, a twisted way, thats upsetting to someone who wants to be your whole world. they want you to only need them. theyve probably changed. i hope theyve changed. 

but someone stalked their tellonym the other day to see the answer to the tell they sent and they found something else, im quoting so i dont fuck it up,  “whats your opinion on a partner that is being shy?”                                        “it’s whatever but i can’t stand overly shy partners like i’m not going to do everything for you. my ex was like that and it drove me fucking insane”              i want to scream and yell that ‘you did this, this is your fault, it was and still is a problem you created’ but ive grown too. we’ve grown. but i want to talk about how youre wrong, K. how wrong you are. you got upset when i told you no, when i wasnt ready to fuck, when i had issues sleeping, when i hung out with anyone, when my constant attention wasnt on you. you probably dont remember it like that, and thats ok but it wont change my memory in any way. you can shit talk me and i know you have about things you shouldnt. you can get angry over this. i hope you do in a healthy way and right now some of us disagree with me hoping that. back to the topic at hand, though, i felt like you would hurt me if i didnt get your permission or do something you didnt like. maybe thats why i got called co dependent. and i dont mean physically, that youd hurt me like that, i meant mentally. i wouldve dont the physical part. i know i wouldve. i know all of us wouldve. an unspoken part of our brain thought if we didnt then we didnt love you. i remember one time, i was up past 12. you woke up and saw. you got upset, made me feel like the worst person because i wasnt asleep. i went into another room and hyperventilated, having one of the worst panic attacks ive ever had. thankfull i was too distraught to search for anything harmful, and the house was small(we all slept in the living room, the other 3 rooms were in shambles(kitchen worked a little)) so searching for stuff was noisy already. and i knew if i relapsed you would make it about you. which is another thing. i dont think you ever realized it. i could never bring it up either for that reason. i didnt like talking to you about my issues because id just end the topic feeling worse than i started, but this time id also feel like i hurt you. and since you didnt like me talking to other people, and when i was i had to tell you, i just never said anything. and when id have doubts about our relationship, like i felt like you didnt love me/i didnt know how to handle something with you/you did something i didnt like/i noticed a red flag/you think im cheating, i didnt have anyone to talk to. i think i didnt break up with you because i never vocalized my doubts too. i did ask my friends during our half ass break if i seemed like a cheater, if i was like one, if i had tendencies of one. ive been cheated on before and i personally dont think im like one at all but others insight helps a lot! they said no, though, but part of me is still scared they lied. it doesnt matter much anymore though. anyway. to continue on your wrongdoings of a sort, you also accused me of cheating many times within the last week or two of our relationship because i 1) didnt let you log into my discord, you never told me why you wanted to and i wasnt ready to talk to you about a few things until i saw you(or was supposed to) 2) called you a new petname, i called you a lot of things related to the moon i dont understand why that upset you 3) everyone you talked to about us said i was cheating(ill admit, im still a bit disappointed your mom thought that too.). i cant think of anything else at the moment. but still its all bad, right? i dont know anymore. i still feel like i deserved everything you did to me. but ive been told i dont. that i didnt deserve the sexual pressure and the sexualization, that i deserved a nurturing relationship. but you still helped shape who i am now, mostly for the worst, but i know what not to do now so thats something?

im gonna end this here. its long enough, ill continue at a later date if i need to, reblogging is a thing here. i just needed somewhere to say this. theres more to say but god this is long?? enough for now??? and i need to do other things. on a side note, i hope osiris is doing well.

[eldritch-nightmare]

anyways ahahahhaa

jeff's song is still valid it's one i still associate w him to this day 11yr old me was solid there

ben's song??? i mean??? it's not a Bad choice but. i don't associate it w him anymore.

jane. oh baby. i'm 50/50 on this one i don't think it fits her but i do think she'd 100% listen to it. it would def go into a jane playlist if i ever get around to making one for her

eyeless jack's song... yeah.... yeah.... i still think it fits him u were pretty based lil me

sally. i. guess??? yeah?? it's the only song that ever makes her pop into my mind, probs due to this video actually

nina's song i did Not recognize im gonna b so real rn i had to sit there for a hot second trying to figure out what it was lol uhhh she'd probs listen to it, but i can't say it's like... Her. u know?

liu's song was not what i remember it being what the fuck. and it's one i completely forgot existed. did i do liu and sully separately?? bc i Know what song i did for him and that was not it.

laughing jack's is a no from me. it would probs fit jill more, but even then it's not really It.

hoodie... oh the man i used to think u were.... linkin park just follows you everywhere u go huh.....

masky. not really, but then again i'm viewing this in a marble hornets lens so let me just hone in on the creepypasta interp rq. . . . still a no, i think.

slenderman... i mean. come little children was just its song in all of these i guess

toby's is, not surprisingly, don't you dare forget the sun. and u know what i stand by this.

zalgo... ehhh.... i don't agree w it anymore but i can understand why i chose that song

clockwork is so silly i really put all my pre-pubescent angst into her here anyways yeah sure i'll let 11yr old me have this one.

goodbye agony for the bloody painter??? hello????? what????? for why??? explain??? memories come back to me give me reason???

smile dog is lion bc what else could it possibly be.

shocked to see lazari in this video anyways sure i can see it but why did i type the song out like that.

alice liddell is not a creepypasta, next.

offenderman. huh. i see. i mean yeah that song was everywhere w him.

rare kate the chaser sighting and u know what i'll accept the song.

zero was included too?? actually shocked uh. not 100% on the song but i knew nothing about her back then so i think i can accept it

splendorman is happy and no one is surprised

dark link isn't a creepypasta, next.

tenderman is fancy yes yes i know

I WAS RIGHT I DID DO SULLY SEPARATELY that or i just did liu twice for some reason but yeah this is the song. i don't associate it with liu at all anymore bc my interp of him has changed so drastically since then but i think i could probably fit sully in it depending on the scenario.

puppeteer w discord, not shocking but honestly it's still smth i associate w him even if it is a mlp song

the doll maker is Not what i was expecting to see. dollhouse is not a surprising song either, and i don't think it fits him at all idk what i was thinking back then

not sonic.exe with the vocaloid song omg

NOT TAILS DOLL WITH THE HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD SONG OMG

kagekao. woah. was not expecting him either. gonna give myself a c- for the song choice

included zalgo twice as well. i can agree with the song this time, yeah.

seedeater, come little children. understandable, yeah.

sometimes spotify will play songs that i used to listen to wayyyy back deep in my like 2015 creepypasta phase and it makes my thoughts go wild like for example

spotify played pushover by manifest and because of One single video that was a lil tribute to ticci toby, i only ever think of him when it plays. like. i can see the guy committing many acts of vandalism to this song u know

there are actually a lot of songs that from that time period that i still exclusively associate w this fandom like uhh

what have you done by within temptation. it was a song used in a jeff and liu tribute so now that's all i think about when i listen to it.

deepest cuts by get scared + don't you dare forget the sun is obvi toby.

every hollywood undead song ever, really. but esp another way out, lion, coming back down, fuck the world, and i don't wanna die.

criminal by britney spears... what hurts the most by cascada...

do you guys remember creepypasta character theme song videos on youtube. i actually made some of those, back in the day.

[writingwithcolor]

Avoiding Anglocentric Bias with a Universal Translator, Writing a Magic School on Indigenous Land

@king-ofconfusion​ asked:

So im writing a fantasy story that mostly takes place on an island between canada and russia. The magical community is hidden from everyone else and their main land/school is on this island, and even tho there are smaller places all over the world this is the main place. Theres some sort of translation spell so everyone understands eachother but i dont want it to seem like american washed or smth? race isnt a problem plot wise but i also dont want it to be so background that it seems all white?

I’ll focus on the part about the translator, as when you say “American washed” I assume you mean the Anglocentric (English-centric) bias that could arise with the concept of a universal translator. Mod Lesya will talk about your...choice of location for this school.

As a bilingual & linguist who thinks in a quasi-combination of languages, I think I’d like to see an idea of a spell that translates to that individual’s unique linguistic interface; if your story has multiple closed POVs, you can show hints of that by having different POV characters hear dialogue differently—maybe language-unique lexemes (vocabulary) are being borrowed! Maybe there’s code-switching! If your story has a more omniscient POV then you might have a part that explains how the spell works, or show through ambiguities in dialogue that shows that characters are hearing dialogue differently depending on what languages they understand. 

As an example, think of how a character who speaks German, an agglutinative language, might create new vocabulary by stringing together morphemes, and a character who doesn’t speak an agglutinative language would hear that via the spell as a literal-translation-of-words-strung-together. 

Think of semantic differences/ambiguities that the spell might not (or might! Up to you!) catch—I give an example on the differences between answering negative yes-no questions in English vs. Japanese here. 

You might even get cases of characters who speak languages that may name borrowings with prototypical labels (English does this, but other languages like Spanish do too). An example is referring to masala chai as “chai tea.” What happens if a Hindi or Urdu speaker hears this? The translator may either literally translate and return “tea tea,” or it might apply context and return “masala chai.” Here’s some more food for thought on borrowings & prototypes! 

Assuming you’re writing this story in English, there will unavoidably be some bias towards English as the basis for your translations. But hopefully this approach gives some ideas for challenging English-as-default by representing forms and meanings that don’t exist in English, and not assuming English is necessarily the prototype for these translations.

~Mod Rina 

Here’s the elephant in the room Rina tapped me to answer: you’ve chosen Indigenous land for a magic school, without acknowledging any Indigenous peoples in your worldbuilding or ask.

The arctic is not uninhabited. That stretch of land between Russia and Alaska (Canada does not go that far West) is the region of Yupik peoples, both on the Russia and Alaska sides (it’s the only language family that is found in both the old and new world), and the Iñupiat peoples, just on the Alaska side (as far as I’m aware).

If you do mean Canada, then you’re getting onto the polar ice cap… and this is also not completely uninhabited. This territory would belong more to Inuit peoples.

In short: you’re at a pretty large risk of having this school be on Indigenous lands, and whether or not it’s a colonial outpost or simply a safe haven depends on how they go about it.

It is possible that there is a genuine, respectful relationship between the Indigenous peoples and the school. The school would have to surrender its land ownership to the people local to the region, respect hunting grounds, not muck with the ecology of the place, and help the people of the region. They would, essentially, acclimate into Arctic life, creating a cultural hybrid between their old customs and what is required to be in the Arctic.

But if you start to have this school try to recreate European ideals, foods, and have them insist their way of life is the only way that can exist, then your magic users have become colonizers. It’s, unfortunately, that simple.

The thing about this island is: Indigenous peoples would’ve known about it, probably before these magic users did.

Arctic peoples also crossed between Russia and Alaska “late” (after the land bridge sank), and very well could have found this island in the time they travelled by water between the two countries. Late is relative, because it was still at least ten thousand years ago.

That land could very well have been inhabited before the magic users got there, which means they would have had to be extremely respectful to not colonize that land. As I said above, it’s possible to be respectful, but requires the magic school default to Indigenous voices when it comes to how to live there.

If it’s uninhabited, then it’s likely known about. These magic users probably don’t have enough magic to completely alter the wave patterns of the ocean, which an ocean-navigating Indigenous people would absolutely know how to use in order to find land (this is one of the ways many peoples navigate at sea).

The other option is the school is actually Yupik or other Arctic peoples founded and uses their belief structure, which would require an intense amount of working with the peoples in question to inform your worldbuilding. 

To be clear: you still need to account for Indigenous peoples and research/talk to members of the peoples I listed above. It’s just going to be less work if you stick with a European magic system and have them be visitors working heavily with Arctic peoples, instead of having the magic system be based in Arctic peoples’ customs.

I’m not from the Arctic. The Arctic has a unique colonization history that I’m not very well educated upon, beyond the fact it’s unique, recent, and suddenly devastating. I cannot advise you on this any more than saying you are on Indigenous lands. I would strongly suggest you look at all of the other “remote, uninhabited” compounds you’ve created to see what Indigenous peoples live in those regions, as well. 

The idea that the earth is mostly barren and unused and lacks meaningful human presence is a colonialist myth that is used to perpetuate the concept (white) Europeans can move in without consequence. Many harsh climates have Indigenous peoples living there, and any magical communities need to do similar practices to the ones I outlined above.

Make sure they’re not taking land, and make sure they learn how to respect it the way the local peoples do: sustainably. That’s the bare minimum.

~ Mod Lesya

[mercy-burning]

Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

PERMANENT TAGLIST:  @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes  @s1utformgg @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud

TAGS NOT WORKING: @takeyourleap-of-faith @emilyprentisslittlewhore

If you would like to be added to the taglist, feel free to message me or leave a comment, and I’ll add you!

[6okuto]

Rime my beloved <333 idk i really like him in a wattpad yn way n it scares me. Like, yeah he's a piece of shit or whatever but he likes me.... yk? It's the mental illness fantasy aha anyway can i get uhhhhh rime hcs. Fluff, angst, what kind of coffee he likes so i can spit in it yk yhe usual 😙 mmmm my mc has a white streak too i bet they'd go up to rime like "you fucking loser i bet its not even real. You used hair dye didnt u? And if it doesnt exist im sure u found some stupid spell just to copy me <3 bitch" what can i say i love bullying him he's like 6' he'll be fine

— general rime hcs

flips my sign that says felix cc to rime cc. i am here and ready O7

definitely bully him. deserved smh!!

"you think i dyed my hair to copy you? are you an idiot? we didn't even know each other—" "yeah yeah sure. i know you were watching me. you wanna be me so bad, huh? did you think felix would—" "finish that sentence and your blood is going to ruin the carpet." 👁️👁️ hit a nerve there

you don't even need to spit in his drink. literally anything messing with his hot chocolate will be life-threatening. he asks where the marshmallows were and you say you ate them

"you what" "i ate them" "...." "have you heard of the old chubby bunny challenge" "are you fucking—"

he makes a comment about how you're shorter than him and you throw back "yeah well at least i won't die young later—oh wait,"

cue the M3 spitting out their drink, choking, or looking wide-eyed and away from the scene

sorry. not really but sorry i'll bring back my fluff

if anyone else tried to insult or hurt you he's up in arms fr. he's spitting psychologically damaging insults. he is going up, tripping them, then saying "oops. that was a reflex"

if he ever spotted someone following you and making you uncomfortable he would walk up and glare at them

NOOOO MINI FAKE DATING RIME SCENARIO . oh my god

"who the hell are you, asshole?" "who do you think? their boyfriend. so i'd be careful about what you say or do next, asshole."

the person leaves after he grins at them (and probably after seeing him reach for something sharp in his little pouch)

. . .blinks. twirls my hair. pushes it behind my ear. :smirk:

"...so we're dating now?" "you are so irritating." "you have a crush on me" "i'm letting you struggle like a dying fish the next time this happens." (- rime when he lies)

pocky challenge. pocky challenge do the pocky challenge he gets much closer than everyone was expecting just to fluster you. depending on your relationship it will just (d)evolve into kissing

ohh rime getting nightmares about dying or being left alone ohh

he isn't one to crawl into bed and cuddle with you . smth smth terrible at being vulnerable or asking for help

you find him on the couch with a drink in his hand and sit beside him in silence

"didn't take you as someone to miss out on beauty sleep." "can you ever be quiet?" "mm...sometimes. maybe if you wanted to talk about why you're here?"

he won't give you specific details but you get the idea that he had a bad dream

he lets you keep him company while he finishes his drink, and stays there even after he does. it's really his way of letting you know he's ? sort of alright with you ?

he'll leave and tell you you should go back soon "unless you want to look even worse in the morning" (ohh you wanna kiss me so bad)

he makes fun of the others with you . and also other people in general

won't admit it but he likes That era of pop-punk/rock. looped the american beauty/american psycho fob album overnight by accident once probably

if for some miraculous reason he's in an especially good mood, he will let you try his caramel flan. contrary to popular belief and to the detriment of everybody else,, you are the only one who gets to try the flan.

you know when you ask somebody what you should wear and they're like "Whatever you feel the most comfortable in :) you are stunning no matter what :) ily :)"

that is not him. if you want an honest easy answer you go to rime

"should i wear the black one or the red one?" "whatever you'd like mc" "do you want to look like a bitch?" "rime—" "yes." "the red one" My Man 🤝

the kind of person to get more pissed off at an animal dying during a movie than a person . was probably rooting for it out of spite

rime....tattoos? sorry i need. sorry. like on his stomach . patchwork tattoos . sorry

sometimes he'll be doing something mundane and remember a time he was doing it with felix and you can see him frown

heehoo

his sadness and anger are very intertwined . they day he finally has a breakdown he's doing a maniacal laugh while crying out of disbelief and rage

if you hug him after he won't hug back (at first) but he'll press his face into your neck and just . stay there

anyway. he'd make you go on big rollercoasters/rides with him

don't take him to an escape room because he'll make you do all the work until the last minute where he tells you all the solutions that he's been keeping to himself.

spends so much time in CAS (create a sim) . like so much time. he finishes the sims and doesn't even play with them for more than 5 minutes unless he's doing a challenge

no he's so funny. he is the epitome of "my toxic trait is ____" and it's the stupidest shit. you take him to an aquarium and you see a mermaid show and he says "my toxic trait is that i know i could do that" and you're just !@$%?#(! your toxic trait is you commit murder you stupid whore

[cognitosclowns]

heya, it’s the apartment-anon again!! i saw your reply,, and tbh i’m having some A.B brainrot as well,,, like???? the robot dude w/ an abundance of plants??? my heart…its melting…oh no…….

but yeah i’d really like to see your stuff on A.B’s apartment!!! maybe how his s/o would react to it as well!!

OOH WHAT IF HE GETS A CAT

gah this is too cute!!!! <3333

- 🌱 anon [i guess that works for a long-term name lol]

GUH <333 GHUH <333 GGHHHGHHH <3 THIS IS GONNA BE LONG AGAIN IM SORRY-

SFW BELOW

(OH AND HERES THE PREVIOUS ASK)

OH GOODNESS <3333 THIS ASK IS GIVING ME SUPREME BRAINROT <333

JUST <333 listen his apartment is pretty small all things considered bc he,, doesn't really need much?? BUT ALSO ITS WAY BIGGER THAN ANYTHING HE'S USED TO??

Like esp if he's Mobile and Repaired it feels,, almost wrong having so much empty space to move around in??? Like at least in the Basement Lab has the background noise of computer terminals and pipes n stuff but,,, his apartment is uncannily quiet??

THIS MEANS HE LEAVES THE WINDOW OPEN AT ALL TIMES. Hearing the sounds of the city?? is so soothing. Also its completely new to him?? <33 so like for the first few nights he just kinda,, sits by the window and listens to the world while he reads.

MNSDMSD I MENTIONED THIS IN THE TAGS OF THE PREVIOUS POST THAT LIKE,, he has this Very Bad Habit of picking things up and then placing them somewhere else that is,, Very Percarious??

BC HES A ~PERFECT AI~ SO LIKE,, he can balance shit perfectly and then balance MORE shit on top of THAT shit and now you can't access the window bc theres smth resembling Modern Art in the way

AND OF COURSE, in his hubris he accidentally like,, stumbles a bit and that Slight Vibration causes several Piles Of Books And Trinkets to come clattering down >:( he'll still insist it was from Myc being too loud

OH SPEAKING OF MYC-

AB is a heavy sleeper he is a very heavy sleeper he could probably sleep through a fucking atom bomb but somehow Myc always seems to wake him up at like 3 am with his nonsense

LISTEN HE DIDNT MEAN TO PUT HIS ARM THROUGH THE WALL, IT JUST KINDA HAPPENED

He woke up suddenly and went to,, Bat On The Wall To Tell Him To Shut The Fuck Up and in his half-awake tizzy forgot that he has super strength and.... well

I mean at least Myc shut off his music after so he considers it a resounding success

YES HIM GETTING A LITTLE KITTEN <33

he didn't even get her on purpose - he noticed her climbing along his windowsill and,,, well he couldn't just leave her out there, she could fall and hurt herself and shes just so tiny it would be cruel to leave her out in the snow all alone and Oh No He Has A Cat Now??? When Did This Happen >:(

She's this,, tiny little white Cornish Rex?? No matter how much he feeds her she stays vv thin and lanky lmao.

Her 'Official Name' is Piper, (as in the Pied Piper bc,,, Jesus Christ He's Pretty Sure She's Killed Half The Rats In Virginia At This Point With How Many She Keeps Leaving Around. She takes after her dads homicidal tendencies I guess)

(ALSO,,, PRINCESS <33 bc she IS his little princess <333 yea he coos little endearments at her but he would never admit that lmao)

She perches as high as she can and just,, stares at everything. It unnerves ppl and he loves it <333 ITS THOSE BIG OL EYES, ALWAYS SUPER SHARP. The only time they get all Big is when she's being ignored and decides Fathers Ankles Need To Be Swiped For This Crime >:(

she doesn't audibly purr but,, like,, when you pet her you can feel her vibrating?? HE ADORES IT <333

YOURE 99% SURE THAT CAT HAS IT OUT FOR YOU THOUGH. LIKE SHE KEEPS GROWLING AT YOU WHEN YOURE JUST,, EXISTING. THIS BATTLE IS NEVER-ENDING SORRY LMAO.

THE PLANTS WERE,, ANOTHER THING THAT JUST KINDA HAPPENED.

It started with Brett getting him a little succulent to 'break in the new home', and he got used to taking care of it and,,, so when Elliot needed to get rid of a few old houseplants to make room for a new desk of course AB was the first one to ask and-

I MEAN HIS PLACE IS GORGEOUS, JUST,,, A BIT CLUTTERED LMAO.

It really does feel like a greenhouse <333 theres plants wherever he can stick them. You're pretty sure he'd have dandelions growing out of the floorboards if you gave him the chance.

LIKE YOU CAN STILL MOVE AROUND BUT YOU ALWAYS WORRY YOU'RE GONNA KNOCK OVER HIS TULIPS OR SMTH. He's very proud of everything and you can practically see him resisting the urge to start explaining all the intricacies of growing each of them.

MSNDMSD ILL CUT THIS OFF HERE BC ITS ALREADY GETTING LONG <333 BUT AAA I ADORE THIS IDEA SO MUCH. ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.

[abombihoney]

I'm in a worldbuilding mood, beware.

Do you think Bugaria has capitalism? How would it even work, with the currency being edible? And capable of rotting? How would it work if a famine (however unlikely) happened and it was used as emergency food supplies?

Are there any orphan fall backs (orphanages, funds for them, easy supplies, lower prices, etc)? The only (blatantly stated, and without a caregiver) orphans we see are in the ant kingdom, and are a pair of ladybugs, a group commonly discriminated against in game. If there are orphan fall backs, nobody gave them to these two. They mention in game that the older one goes hungry to feed the younger one often enough to be obvious.

Why did nobody question where Leif came from? Did everyone simultaneously recognise them and just... move on? Were there even any records of explorers and scouts in the time that they came from?

Did Rebecca really not remember Leif? She seemed really quick to make friends with a random stranger who knew her name without introduction, something that is typically seen as super creepy and stalkerish.

Is Elizant II even okay? She obviously has at least a few confidence issues, given how happy she is when Leif calls her a good queen.

If Elizant I wasn't in on the Snakemouth Labs, why didn't she wait to send more people in with better equipment? It likely would have ended better for the victims.

Is Snakemouth why the Roaches dissapeared? We know some stuck around while the rest guarded the sapling. What happened to the ones that stuck around?

(Sorry, I just needed to mention these little plot holes and questions.)

i do not know enough about economic systems to know if capitalism is what they got going on. genow straight up says in the art book that like, he didnt really think abt it. i presume he just thought berries as a currency is fun. though i do believe if there is a famine of some kind, it's implied thats what the bees are storing all that honey for

we dont really see a lot of bugaria's society. we only get little snapshots and an orphanage wasnt one of those. perhaps the bigger cities have them? like the termite city? but i figure it smaller areas the kids just go to w/e family member/neighbor/friend wanted the kids and could care for them.

perhaps the fallback the ladybug kids got was that they were allowed in bugaria at all lmao. poor dudes.

back in ye olde days, you could just show up in cities lol. theres no database of everyone that exists. its probably fairly common for bugs to move from w/e and just settle down in the first city they find.

to be fair, only eetl, zasp, gen, eri, and maki know that leif isnt an original part of the party. as far as everyone else is concerned, he's just a part of their team, and came from some small village or smth im sure.

ppl who know leif wasnt an original part of the party most likely assume they picked leif up on their way to snakemouth and like, whatever its not like they care? now they have to split rewards and w/e three ways instead of two but thats what they get for breaking tradition i guess.

old people just be like that. shit dude, there are people i know that apparently they share classes with me and come talk to me by my name, and i have no idea who they are. (i am also just bad with faces)

like, to be fair, leif is also really easy to get along with, he's a chill dude.

i mean, elizant 2 is just going through some imposter syndrome she's fine lol. its just a self confidence issue. she'll be fine lol. she could probably use like, some real good friends, and therapy, both of which im sure are a little tricky to get when ur a monarch.

to be fair, we don't know how there was between leif's scouting party and the deaths of many explorers. considering that the explorers were made after elizants death, it may have been that elizant 1 forbid anyone from exploring it. it's not like she can send an army to a foreign land bc one dude got got by a spider while she was having him sneak to see what's up in there

i mean, the snakemouth roaches deffo disappeared via zombie. but there were other roach civilizations that also disappeared (the sand castle and sand village). so like. we dont got really got an explanation for that one. perhaps they also created their own demise. maybe there was a sickness. maybe they just got up and left.

[patchdotexe]

doip.: session.. 3?? / 8.30.21

oh shit i cant hear the recap music bc of my fucking headset

I FORGOT WE STOLE(?) A BARREL CRAB

LAST TIME ON DRAGONS OF ICESPIRE PEAK: we killed the shapechanger and stole(?) a barrel crab!

michael: i feel like we have to use the barrel crab now, because the announcer guy included it in the recap jorb: the announcer guy. michael: i don't know his name!

notes may be sparse bc im doodling alidaar while listening to the others talk

we have given the funny little animal arson powers

time to go to the dwarven excavation! also i finished doodling so im listening now

"i'm going to roll perception to see if some shit is up-- ahaahaa. aaahahaeehahaahaa . aaa"

michael to the rescue! with a better explanation of what he's trying to look for (if anythings been raided or messed up) and also a better roll in general

are the wyatts still arguing about horses? (no! somehow.)

nyx: are you trying to perceive jorb: are you trying to use your eyes, sir?

dwarven excavation has a big ol temple! which has dwarven statues out front that have "evil grins" or smth. so, uh, this is fine

michael: i dont think i trust those stone piles, they look like theyre drawn on an animation frame.

it has been 4 sessions and nyx's character still doesnt have a name btw

nyx: i am the most stealthy binturong that has ever existed, i am squeaking out loud, i am throwing rocks everywhere nyx being a Funny Little Animal is so good bc even tho his stealth check sucked, the dwarves he's stalking just ignored him bc it's a lil binturong vibing on some rocks

every day im shufflin'

(jorb shuffling tokens around trying to remember which npc is which)

nyx: [coughing] leo: ..is nyx dying? jorb: no - wait no i thought that was part of the ambience but yeah that's nyx dying

dwarves :>

alidaar is fun. snarky bastard. pronouns aren't real

temple has an infestation of goops!

michael: hold on let me cast a spell on myself before i recall high school physics

alidaar: i'm gonna be real i'm just here for violence and p much nothin else, sooooo

alidaar: alriiiight! venture forth, fuckos!

oh hey ali has darkvision. apparently that's a house rule thing bc for some reason dragonborn?? don't have darkvision???? normally??????? ty based jorb

leo, as alidaar: i've just discovered i have darkvision! i've never been in a dark room in my entire life! michael: alidaar scratching the side of his head like "what does this little switch do?" click. "oh my god i have darkvision!"

jorb: you're checking out the ceiling, huh? leo: y.. ye a ...

uh oh, oozes!

leo: i'm.. going to back away. jorb: that's probably a good idea. leo: i'm going to knock on the wall [over by tobias] and go "hey uh, i found a problem. i found TWO problems."

having a group huddle!

WHOOPS I FORGOT TO EQUIP MY RUNES good thing i figured that out right before combat started lmao. alidaar's a rune knight now!

leo: [checking something] jorb: [@ nyx] ..you now have an initiative of 23. leo: w

PEPPER'S HERE

distracted from d&d by cat

LITTLE GUY HAS DEPLOYED AN ORBITAL LASER (moonbeam) lmao the jelly walked right into it bc. int of 2-- WHOA guiding bolt op

one jelly down! -AH BEANS im getting owned

whap

woo, combat done! i was the only one that got hit lmao

nawball is talking abt eating grass.

alidaar found a secret door! while both tobias and nameless failed lmao

man i keep not taking good notes bc its mainly us fighting stuff and then exploring around. which is fun! but not interesting to take notes of asides from funny quips

remember how i said the wyatts werent arguing abt horses? i was wrong

HELP I'M INSIDE A WALL

AH FUCK NOTHER JELLY

I'M GOING TO PARKOUR OVER THE JELLY. LET'S GOOOOOOOOO I'VE GOT A PLUS SIX TO ATHLETICS LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO i lost like half my hp and fell over prone but IT WAS WORTH IT NOT WORTH IT NOT WORTH IT NOT WORTH IT WOW. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

SOMEHOW THIS LET ME ESCAPE BC THE JELLY SUCKS THATM UCH

jorb: ..okay, because its a 1, im gonna say youre prone again leo: GODAMNIT

jorb: do you want to spend half of your movement to get up? you don't have anywhere to go-- leo: LET ME UP. I WANT TO STAND UP jorb: okay! whatre you gonna do now- leo: VIOLENCE. I WANT TO KILL [rolls to attack]

jorb: how do you wanna do this? leo: i am going to fucking splatter this jelly like jam on toast.

I KEEP GETTING STUCK IN THE WALL

little guy is putting on a cool necklace they found in a strange tomb! This Is Fine

rubbing my face on a pillar to investigate it leo: [rolls a 5] i go up to the pillar, and i put my face against it, and i just.. stand there leaning on it with my face smooshed on it

leo: i'm gonna keep rubbing my face on it [rolls a 10] jorb: your face hurts a little bit.

npc: hey, uh, whatre you doing over there? alidaar: my best.

tobias: alidaar, did you find anything? alidaar: i found a pillar.

leo: okay, naptime. i fall asleep where im standing - im leaning on the pillar, face smushed against it, and i fall asleep standing there

oh shit, orcs these are the like. generic angy orcs. which is a shame but eh at least i ooc get to feel less guilt about ic alidaar going off the shits in 0.5 seconds surprise round! tobias bisected the first orc and alidaar's breath weapon nearly knocked out the other two. in the surprise round. man i love alidaar's breath weapon WOW. LITTLE GUY JUST DID A CRITICAL HIT. I FEEL BAD FOR THESE GUYS

leo: i feel kinda bad for these orcs! michael: they probably eat babies its fine

michael: i'm going to go full todoroki on this ass [...] yes i had to google to make sure i was getting the name right

all the orcs are just. Obliterated. OH MY GOD THEY DIDNT GET A TURN. THEY DIDNT GET A SINGLE HIT IN WE JUST ANNIHILATED ALL OF THEM michael: ..are we the baddies?

potg: michael sniping an orc in half

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[autisticlalna]

mmmmmmm the lore goes so deep my mind is going brrrrrr!!! this is all so cool im all mmmmmmmm, !!!!!!! Its So Cool!!!

ive now read the wiki page on the first wyatt masoning! i cannot believe how unbelievably cool the events are in blaseball! the whole frequency thing and some players didnt get their names fully changed back and!!! NaN!!! i see why you love NaN bc i now also adore NaN. that is. fantastic. AND i saw ur art on MaX's page its still so pretty ahhhhhh!!!!! bro all ur contributions to blaseball and MaX r so cool!!!! aw uve got such good ideas i cant wait to see the wiki page once its al done

aw but ye getting good pics of mc skins can be hard. if u know someone w a minecraft account they can equip em and then u can see them on namemc, which can give good pics, but then u need to know someone who has a minecraft account

a waffle house existing in another dimension is the least weird part of all of this lore. that fully checks out. MaX should enjoy xer time there, that is good vibes. and yeee, definitely all the wyatts hang out and vibe together!! do status effects never go away then? or they dont happen on purpose? i assumed any of the wyatts would have to, like, intentionally activate their echoes, so no echoing out of existence by accident

gfhfhdsHDSADD dont make me emotional abt original wyatt mason now the microphone!!! have hope????? i dont even go here and id cry abt that wht the hey!!! bro the coin is so mean, can't believe the true enemy to baseball was capitalism all along. do boss battles happen often? it sounds like a boss battle against the coin is upcoming

thats So Much Cool Necromancy Lore tho!!!! dude!!! this is the coolest baseball simulator in the history of both baseball and simulators!!!! the modifiers are so cool, im in awe of all the work the devs must do. that is such a cool series of things. BUT OH NO ON MAX ECHOING DEBT. that would be so dangerous. MaX isnt even the only one with echo, right, isnt it all the wyatt masons? that is so much potential risk, oh no. thank goodness for sure for siestas, that is a lot to unpack. this is all So Cool

GOD YEAH BLASEBALL RULES the most fun part abt the first Wyatt Masoning to me is like. it was a glitch! the Grand Unslam was a glitch bc the site broke and the devs had to roll it back. the Wyatt Masoning was a glitch that happened when the devs tried to do Something to Wyatt / the Tacos in general and everything broke. and now there’s this whole entire ongoing plotline that’s still a thing SEASONS LATER, and !! the devs are so fuckin cool when it comes to rolling with whatever the fuck happens. its like a ttrpg but its baseball

i love NaN so so so much,,, NaN is like. one of the fan favs fhgxkldhdflkf their lore is so cool and !! ive been super attached to them for forever now. which i lovingly blame my taco friend for, thanks aquelon MAN the fact that the Wyatts exist now so theres like 13 copies of who NaN Used To Be around and , fuckin. smth that came up in the lore jam was MaX is like, trying to figure out who xe is besides just A Wyatt, yeah? MaX looks up to NaN!! NaN has gone through A LOT, like a lot has happened in blaseball since the Wyatt Masoning and with how many teams they’ve been a part of and they’ve learned and grown and MaX hasnt yet because MaX didn’t exist until last season. so NaN is like, even though MaX is potentially older NaN is still more Mature and someone that MaX could Be Like and aaaaaaaaaaa

i have a mc acc so i should probably just. do that fhglxhkgf cant wait to forget to change my skin next time i stream mc so it’s two palanauts and then a blaseball

a joke-y thing is that MaX works at the Elsewhere Waffle House and might be the manager? bc of being stuck there over siesta. like, xe has nothing else to do, xe might as well. i have a semi-shitposty twitter rp acc for xem and xe ate grass bc xe was bored and Coolname Galvanic, pitcher for the Tokyo Lift, told xem to

status effects are like!! so there’s several kinds of mods, some of which are permanent, some of which only last a season, and some of which are like. have a chance to fade. Elsewhere is one of the ones that has a chance to fade, like each time the player that’s Elsewhere would normally have a turn there’s a chance that they’ll show back up. MaX got sent Elsewhere late in the season and we didn’t make it to the playoffs, so xe didn’t return before siesta and won’t have a chance to return until next season the Echo modification is permanent, but it only activates in Feedback and Reverb weather (w/ the Echo copying the modifications of the opponent team in Feedback and the mods of their team in Reverb) and when it activates it just like. Goes. in xer first game, MaX echoed like 3 times back-to-back and all of us were going WHAT THE FUCK???? bc that was us finding out what Echo DOES lmao. like any time MaX is up to bat in Feedback or Reverb, xe has a chance to start echoing and then will copy other players until xe gets an out or a hit. the lore on how intentional echoing is is a bit wiggly rn but i hc it as involuntary bc it really does just fuckin Happen and MaX gets stuck with shit mods fghlkxfhlkxf

IM GONNA FUCKIN CRY OVER THE MICROPHONE!!!!!!! i went through his twitter today bc it got pointed out that he mentions Wyatts, plural, a few times and i got super emotional bc he’s just!! he’s doing his best!!!!!! he wants to help his friends but he’s Stuck and the entity he thought he could trust to keep everyone safe has probably just tried to fuckin, either assassinate him or at least cut his connection!!!!!!! and we dont know what happened to him or if he’ll be back or what and aaaAAAA capitalism is very much the enemy. fuck the Coin, at least the Peanut was upfront abt hating us fhglkhdxkghf the Coin is like. gatekeep gaslight girlboss. mostly girlboss. so far the only boss battle has been against the Peanut-- there was like, two rounds? there was Season 9, Day X when the Charleston Shoe Thieves won the championship and then got fuckin Obliterated by the Peanut coming down, pulling together a team, and curbstomping them, and then Season 10 Day X was the Peanut kicking the shit out of the Baltimore Crabs before the Monitor and Jaylen, with help from the Microphone, were able to counterattack. that’s been the only instance so far, but the fandom is Definitely gearing up for a fight against the Coin. there’s some theories that the Absurd Amount Of Wyatts is gonna lead to another situation of like, the Wyatts are gonna end up being a team on their own? vs a Coin-led team. im not really sure on that one myself bc it feels too much like a repeat of vs the Peanut but either way the Coin is going the fuck down

the amount of work the devs do is honestly Staggering, especially w how much of this is practically on the fly? like, dude. blaseball is a fucking marvel. AND YEAH LIKE,, ALL THE WYATTS MASON HAVE ECHO,,, only MaX and Ivy are still in play right now but uh. you know how i mentioned the Receivers? so, it turns out, whenever a Wyatt echoes a mod, that mod gets copy-pasted across all the Receivers (there was, like, four of them. we are now down to three because Something Tragic Happened). so if MaX echoes Debt, which could be very possible if we play in Reverb weather because of us having a necromancied player on our team, that could get spread to NaN, Moses Mason, and Sixpack Dogwalker. NaN and Sixpack are both in Mild High rn, but Moses is in... Wild Low, i think? Moses is in Wild with Ivy. so, uh, even Wild ain’t safe

[iniquity-fr]

kind of a weird question but since im maybe(?) working on a petsite, i was wondering if u could talk a little bit abt why you like and play fr?

ok my response got a lil long so under readmore it goes (take this all with a grain of salt tho bc the only other petsite i ever used A Lot aside from FR was neopets back when i was like, 9-12 mostly, so it’s not like i can really compare my FR experience to much else anyway.)

mmmm well everyone has a different reason for that ofc, i’m sure (especially if you ask multiple ppl in the tag/comm this question) you’ll probably find everyone has a different answer, which is obvious yes, but i say that first anyway bc it IS smth do like about fr a lot...! i know a lot of ppl who can pick out a specific aspect or two of the site and say “THAT’S what i love about this one” and i think that in of itself is a fun and good thing :> having multiple Draws to your site is a good thing, i think!

personally my FAVORITE aspect on the site is dragon dressup, i LOVE coming up with outfits and variations on outfits and figuring out The Perfect Outfit for dragons and how there ARE variants on almost every piece... as i’ve said here and in many chats and convos in the past: i rarely ever decide i’m going to buy/keep a dragon until i can come up with an outfit for it. that is the MOST important part of the entire game to me, being able to dress up a dragon the way i want.

that said, i also love that it’s relatively EASY to do so--apparel isn’t difficult to come by, and the amount of items that DO cost premium currency are far outweighed by the amount of items you can get through treasure/coli/baldwin/chests/etc, and ofc the ease with which you Can get premium currency to get even the high-price apparel is a whole other reason people enjoy FR compared to other sites. you’re not having to shell out a fortune at every turn or constantly be buying premium currency JUST to get your “pet” dressed. plus, my favorite site feature, the dressing room.. exists! you can preview apparel and skins and everything on dragons, scries, whatever--it wasn’t until you could dress up scries that i started to actually give a shit about g1 dragons.

also just...... the amount of colors and genes n stuff possible on dragons, being able to have SO MANY dragons, many dragons being allowed to have the same name, etc, all very good. the fact that the dragons cannot and will not die like some petsites (*coughs at lioden and whatnot* if your pets can die its a bad fucking shitty stupid petsite <3) is another big good factor.

honestly im tired and also kind of tipsy rn so trying to explain why i like dragon website is hard but i love dragon website. being able to dress dragons and have so many different unique things i can do w these dragons and lore i can either ignore or work with to create CHARACTERS is!! so good!!!! hope my rambling helps. thanks

[valdrift]

hi its 3am and i wrote down dnd au shit that im putting under cut bc its. long

pre-canon is mostly the same with minor differences bc d&d magic at play

 jyl and jzx die but they're ok bc true resurrection baby. maybe it takes them a while to be resurrected bc, at the time, resurrection is a fairly new spell/VERY expensive (requires diamonds worth 25k gp in game)/no one was high enough level to cast the spell and also the spell is taxing on the caster/resurrection is taboo (not sure abt that one). anyways they live and raise jl :) jc is still angry but for different reasons and he's also Not As Angry and misses his brother. wwx doesn't know that jyl/jzx lived

wwx doesn't die. during the bloodbath of nightless city, he manages to destroy one half of the stygian tiger seal but before he can destroy the other, the siege on the burial mounds happens. he planeshifts to the 9 hells to escape taking the remaining half with him. such spells were completely unknown at the time and were of wwx's invention so ppl just assumed he died/killed himself. he stays in hell for 13 years (part cultivating his powers/part thinking he deserves it) before finally returning to the material plane thx to mxy

during those 13 years, ppl definitely try to reach him. BUT considering he's on another plane of existence, they often fail. communication spells like sending usually fail but Some do reach him, though he thinks he's just going crazy or it's just wishful thinking. (jyl successfully sends him a message like "a-xian? are you there? …well, wherever you are, i hope you're ok. i miss you. i love you. we all do. please come back." and wwx thinks it isn't real. he DEFINITELY cries when he finds out it actually was real and he wasn't losing his mind in hell)

REGARDING WWX'S POWERS: no one has done it like him!! forming a pact with a fiend was practically unheard of/extremely taboo and the fact that he managed to outgrow his patron in terms of power (lvl 20 baby) is something in of itself. wwx is like The First Warlock Ever and after his "death" many others tried to follow in his footsteps, however no one came even close in terms of power. xy maybe but fuck that guy lol

MXY LIVES!!! bc of reasons he manages to get his hands on a deck of many things from the jin vault (perhaps nhs had a hand in it :eyes:) and draws a wish card on the first try (Very Lucky). he uses that card to essentially wish a pact with the yiling patriarch into existence and over in hell wwx is like "hey wtf is going on" and pops into mxy's shed to see what's up

wq also lives!! jgs covered up her death and wn and her bust out of jinlintai when wwx calls

CURRENT-CANON:

mxy and wwx have a patron/ward relationship. wwx Knows he's not like his own patron and has no desire for mxy's soul or w/e so he's just "yea fine i guess i'll be your evil teacher :/"

wtf is wwx's patron anyway lol…..maybe it's a demon/fiendish entity that resided in the burial mounds that wwx formed a pact with to survive. it probably hangs out on another plane of existence and was partly responsible for his deteriorating mental state.

at mo manor, the mo family dies without mxy or wwx rlly having to do anything. mxy uses his fledgling warlock skills to help out the lan juniors with the arm. lwj shows up after and wwx's like AH FUCK and dips with mxy following after him

wwx uses mask of many faces to disguise himself in his humansona (bc like. he's a tiefling and also very recognizable, being the yiling patriarch and all no biggie) and has bonding moments with mxy. mxy realizes that wwx is not actually evil incarnate; he's actually a fucking dumbass ESPECIALLY when the man starts talking about lwj. (idk how this plays in but I want wwx to complain abt lwj like "i used to be taller than him, now we're the same height?? bullshit >:(" bc i am spreading my short lwj propaganda)

mxy and wwx run into jl at some point. wwx is like :'( when he finds out who it is, jl is a baby homophobe and mxy is like I Will Tell Your Mother to which wwx goes WHAT. BACK UP bc surprise, jyl's actually alive! while he's reeling with this information, mxy drags him away

at dafan mountain, mxy and wwx help out the juniors with the goddess statue. wwx summons wn and jc is like HEY WAIT A SECOND. he goes to hit wwx with zidian (still has the ability to knock possessive spirits but it also has dispel magic, not good for wwx's disguise!) however mxy deflects it with *fjord critical role voice* Eldritch Blast earning lwj's respect. anyways lwj takes both mxy and wwx back to the cloud recesses; mxy doesn't see what's the big deal, wwx is freaking out and Desperately wants to planeshift out of there but he has a ward now and disappearing like that would mean the jigs up considering no one else can planeshift

at the cloud recesses, mxy ditches wwx with lwj so the two can have a Talk to go chill. lwj is like "wei ying drop the humansona i know it's you" and wwx goes :O well. after, mxy comes back and is like "ok so here's the deal with the arm" and spills what he knows abt jgy and what he did and the 3 of them head off to get evidence

I Do Not Remember much of their whole like journey to piece nmj's body back together but it'd probably go much faster with mxy alive and knowledgeable to jgy's shit

wangxian are still gay and stupid

idk abt yi city but songxiao and a-qing get a better ending and xy eats shit

there will def be a yunmeng sib reunion.

POST-CANON:

pulling a page from cql, lwj is chief cultivator but only so he can like. actually do some good then once he's done dismantles the position or smth so he can live out his house husband dreams with wwx

wwx still goes on that journey so he can relearn what it's like to be a person in society and not someone hated and demonized. also he lived in literal hell for 13 years, dude needs time to process that. but u KNOW when he comes back, he's eloping with lwj

with all the pieces of nmj's body back together, nhs true resurrects him :)

NOTES:

wen clan are a mix of tiefling and human, with direct members being tiefling

lsz and ljy are human, jl is half-elf (half-triton), and ozz is a tabaxi (catboy rights!!)

wwx definitely used mask of many faces to entertain a-yuan in the burial mounds by disguising himself as whoever a-yuan asked. (disguises himself as lwj at their dinner date bc a-yuan said so and lwj is like Fuck…….He Would Make Such A Good Father…………)

[houseki-no-suffering]

Pssst.... gush about some thing you’ve wanted to for so long but haven’t found the ask to do so! I really like reading your metas or off-the-wall posts.

aw ty!

mmmh usually i just crank out a random meta when i feel like it, which i havent had the energy to do in a while. so have a lot of hcs about gem language, gem society and how it resembles a totalitarian system cause why not, this is already a dystopia. 

goes from cute to shady real quick, have fun

Gem Vocabulary

gems have no gender, they dont age, they dont reproduce. the whole vocabulary about relationships, aging and sex must be completely different in gem language. they probably lack a lot of words we commonly use, and have unique words for things we dont have (like winter duty, patrol duty... i wouldnt be surprised if gem language had unique grammatical features for those)

this is one of the reasons why its so unfair of aechmea to call cairn ‘wife’ and ‘princess.’ the gems have no concept of wife-ness, we dont know if a gem equivalent of marriage exists, but its definitely much, much different from what the lunarians (and us) perceive as one.

do gems have anything akin coming of age? this could be weird bc gems can potentially live forever, but they can also be abducted by the lunarians at any time, so who’s to say how long a lustrous will live? how do you calculate being ‘of age’? is it by calculating the average life-span of a gem? 

how do they measure time and seasons? we know they have winter and summer and phos mentions ‘spring’ in chapter 20, but what about months and lunar phases? do they have words for that or are months just too small a timeframe for the immortal lustrous to utilize? how do they measure time? in hours and seconds? weeks? different units altogether?

Gem Relationships

similarly, gem relationships are codified in a completely different way. we know they have a concept of romance bc dia ships phos and shinsha and makes comments here and there about other gems being in love. 

at the same time, the relationships btw alexandrite and chrysoberyl, padpa and rutile, ghost/cairn and lapis etc are little different from ‘pure’ sibling/sibling relationships or senpai/kohai relationships.

this is not to say that they’re all romantic in nature, but the way they’re codified in canon (especially in the way the characters grief for their partner) makes me think that even if the gems have no blood/physical kinship with one another they have a very articulated system of establishing family bonds.

dia and bort are clearly siblings, but the same can’t be said, for example, for rutile and padpa, even if they were partners and even if they display a similar junior/senior relationship. this means that relationships are predicated on something else in hnk, and kinship, family and romance are all codified in a different way.

think of vulcans in star trek: physical contact such as two fingers touching, holding hands and kissing is unknown of (save for very specific circumstances). and vulcan people have a completely different way of expressing intimacy and romance than humans. 

this makes me think: just how many canonically romantic relationships are there in hnk (if any) that we’re simply unaware of bc the way gems codify and express romance is so different from ours? is romance even common? rare? perceived as weird? useless? 

what about other relationships? the gems use ‘little brother/ older brother’ but what if this is just japanese approximations? what kind of relationships can lustrous language really express and how different are they from ours?

Imagination

as @ruddy-rutile​ pointed out some time ago, the gems lack a concept of fantasy. thats why i posted that panel about alex’s original lunarian designs. sure, it’s funny, but it also makes you think: these gems are not raised to think outside the box and they can do it without being told so only under exceptional circumstances.

of the vast library of texts that ghost (and lapis) used to take care of, just how many are novels and fiction? none of them? a small amount? a decent amount? in a society thats as focused on practicality, efficiency and conservatism as the lustrous’, how is fiction perceived if perceived at all? 

is there art? red beryl’s craft comes very close to art when they express their feelings about ‘fashion for fashion’s sake,’ but it’s an exception that the other gems find hard to grasp.

phos is often told to stop fantasizing about the world and get things done, the only tale we know the gems are told is the actual story of how their world came to be. the gems always talk about real things, stuff that happened, and make and do things that have a practical use. 

even bort’s jellyfish diary is just made up of a recollection of what happened when they tried to feed them. still, the fact that bort names the jellyfish makes you think that these rocks do have potential for fantasy, theyre just not used to it

Totalitarianism and Privacy

to make this even more shady, here’s your gentle reminder that:

- gems’ rooms have no doors. the only door ive been able to find is the one in shinsha’s room (ch 2) and that is because shinsha’s room is closed off to other people and full of mercury. its like putting a patch on smth you dont want to deal with (much like shinsha’s whole character arc tbh)

- the gems have little to no free time. or their free time can be revoked any time in case an emergency occurs, sensei is napping etc. the gems’ time is rigorously managed by jade, euc and sensei. each gem has a place to be and a time to be.

this means that a missing gem can be found at all times and slackers can be identified very easily. they all have a job and they have to follow it. this is not to say that they have no fun ever, but leisure time is rare and (at least as far as we know) its not contemplated when tasks are assigned each day.

the mere fact that there is a morning assembly and tasks are assigned each day makes you think. is this communism? is this totalitarianism? but most importantly, is this a scary dystopia that hits you in the face like a brick the third time you reread ch 2?   

- sameness > equality. i already went over this in the past. gems society underlines sameness and conformity over anything else. the gems think theyre equal but theyre actually ‘similar.’

a system based on equality emphasizes differences so that every individual can do the best with what they have got and get back what they need, according to their personal needs. 

these gems emphasize sameness: everyone is upheld to the same standards, even when those standards dont match with a gem’s unique characteristics (ie phos cannot be a fighter, no reason to keep saying stuff like ‘if only you were stronger/you’re useless’ etc. they’re a rock with an imagination in a world where dull reality is the rule. just make them write theater plays and play with slugs with shinsha, wth)

It’s real 1984 hours:

all of the above means that:

- your sense of self is subordinated to the group. if you dont belong you’re simply a nothing. at times, the gems almost display a collective consciousness (a pretty hostile one too): everything must be decided together and done together

- you are what you do. gems identify completely with their job. thats why a job is so important, thats why this system is so fucked up. self worth is not inherent, it depends on what you can do. talk about a breeding ground for mental health issues 

- you dont have a saying in picking your career or deciding for you future. thats up to sensei (and maybe euc and jade). unless you have a very strong affinity with a certain task (like red beryl and alex)

- youre expected to follow orders all the damn time. no matter how much sensei wants his gems to exert free will, they still prefer to do what theyre told. ill admit, its much easier than taking your life in your hands and decide what youre gonna do with it, but damn if it isnt depressing. and childish

- euclase and sensei are the authority. sensei and euc are the powers that be. in the sense that they assign tasks, they decide on times and battle plans, on purpose etc. lets not forget that euc was the one to take on sensei’s role after he ‘resigned.’ 

i wonder what would happen if euc were abducted and the gems had no one to follow anymore, no orders. who’d be the new leader? would there be one? lets not forget that no matter how gentle euc is, phos is shit scared of them.

- thought police is a thing. to end this meta on what is probably the shadiest note: surveillance is a thing. the gems report on each other, it’s thought police, no sugarcoating this. 

there’s no privacy, no secrets. even antarc reads rutile’s diary. this goes from cute and childish (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’) to absolutely fucked up (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’)