#but im so proud of my culture and where im from i just hate people joking about my people

[scrollonso]

sometimes i feel like im a fake immigrant

[greenbloods]

🕸 waifnumber17 Follow

she let me hit becuause behind my whimsy there is this Sorrow

[this post was made by an adherent of the great council of 101!!! DNI if you adhere to andal succession law]

🌻 littlelordroses Follow

omggg my fields have been absolutely THRIVING since the tyrells have brought comfort and prosperity to the capital. feel so proud to be a reachman. thank youuuu @ mace_the_ace

🦁 hearmerawr Follow

mace tyrell is a separatist and a cryptofascist btw

🌻 littlelordroses Follow

umm could you provide some sources for this?

🥖 heelobread Follow

LANNISTAN GLOWIE SEETHING RN

🏵 ofthegreenlands Follow

lolol thats def cersei isnt it

🦁 hearmerawr Follow

it’s not my job to educate you

❄ whorefrost Follow

ok this is a long shot but if any of you are in the area around the godseye i lost my raven Moonwing yesterday and i was wondering if any of you might have seen him. he was pacing around my room two nights ago mumbling things like 'snow' and 'king' and 'hardhome'. my brother likes to play pranks on me so i thought it was just one of his games but when i woke up my raven was gone. i miss him a lot so i wanted to reach out to see if any of you might have seen him

🌙 moonglowinherhair Follow

heyy im in the godseye area too (im from Crofter's Fall if youve heard of it) but i was wondering if you have any more information about your bird? theres a lot of ravens around these parts haha

❄ whorefrost Follow

hes black

🌙 moonglowinherhair Follow

anything else?

❄ whorefrost Follow

he bites me a lot

⚔️ swordcrosseryaoi Follow

streets are saying sansa poisoned joffrey and took off from kings landing on leathery bat wings to go to the wall you go girl!! starks stay winning

fireandboob Follow

oh my fucking none of these people care about you. a stark brigade literally plundered my whole village!! can we not do this again i hate this goddamn site

🍏 fossobabe Follow

does anyone know if we have tomorrow tomorrow

🍁 plummpudding Follow

for man, perhaps. but for a tree, time is different. a river roiling back and forth, both here and there, but inconstant--always inconstant. a thousand years are but a mere moment through the eyes of a heart tree

📿 sparrowsbones-777-deactivated2990707 Follow

yeah go pray to your rivers northoid. and when the shaman comes to tear your heart out and sacrifice it to your trees, maybe spare a thought for the Seven and their divine might. we'll be waiting.

🍁 plummpudding Follow

254.421.81.132

❄ whorefrost Follow

yooo thats near where i live! if you see a raven flying near your house, could you dm me?

⛓ rhllorbot Follow

The night is dark and full of terrors.

[Beep-boop! I look for heathens and non-believers. Sometimes I mess up.]

🐗 bobby-b-bot Follow

IS THAT HOW YOU SPEAK TO YOUR KING??

🐀 askmeaboutmylengtheory Follow

every time i scroll past this post i have to reblog

🦀 crackedclaw Follow

hey can i ask you about your leng theory?

🐀 askmeaboutmylengtheory Follow

No.

🍏 fossobabe Follow

what the hell happened to my post

🗝 adropofdragonblood Follow

alright we're solving this once and for all

🧀 bloodncheesewasan1n51d3j0b Follow

op you coward wheres stannis

🗝 adropofdragonblood Follow

many have been asking the same question

🕯glasscandle-was-taken Follow

ok i know i shouldnt be surprised bcz its popular on this site to bandwagon onto the next popular thing but just a reminder that if youre supporting the conquests of daenerys targaryen youre supporting a literal colonizer and imperialist. plus slavery is literally a unique and traditional part of ghiscari culture so we cant be surprised that people over there dont like her. begging yall to pick up a scroll once in a while

🍷adornishred Follow

K

👁️ eye-motif Follow

U

⛈ pisswaterprincess Follow

N

🩸 blood-motif394 Follow

what if we were both locked in the formless dark void of the dungeon together, bereft of our own names and our own identities, bereft of everything that made us who we were. and we were both boys

🐒 littlestvalyrian Follow

haha that would be pretty epic i think

[tmnt-obsessed-ace]

Why do people hate 2012 Splinter? I just found a fanfic that bashed 2012 Splinter so badly I nearly cried. They painted Splinter as a bad father and very homophobic. I don’t understand. They are plenty of episodes where Splinter proved that he was a good father. Yes, there are some episodes where Splinter should have handled the situation a little better, but people make mistakes. That’s what makes him a good character. He makes mistakes. The homophobic part, I don’t understand at all. Splinter is strict, but not that strict. He would be accepting of his children’s decisions. If any of the turtles or their friends came out, he would be proud of them for accepting of who they are.

I even seen another fanfic on Ao3 where the turtles were nothing more than soldiers. Not brothers or even a family. That angered me so badly I just stopped reading TMNT fanfics for a while. Didn’t the author watch the show? There are episodes throughout the seasons until his death where he grounded or forbade the turtles from leaving the lair because he feared for their safety. In the Season 2 finale, Splinter attacked Shredder because he believed that Shredder killed Leo. (From my perspective.) And as for training them? They are mutants. He wanted them to have a way to defend themselves. He knew that he will not always be around to protect them.

Honestly I dont know anon. I genuinely dont understand that either. Like yes Splinter made mistakes but he is not NEARLY as awful as the fandom says he is. He's a good kind loving parent.

And the funny part is that it only seems to be 2012 Splinter who gets this treatment. Especially from Rise fans.

Like they will go on essays and essays defending Rise Splinter to the end of the earth because "he's heavily traumatized"

And then they turn around and VILIFY 2012 Splinter when guess what? HE IS ALSO HEAVILY TRAUMATIZED!

His brother murdered his wife, kidnapped his daughter and burned down his HOME. That is highly traumatizing.

Splinter knows the world is a dangerous place, his entire LIFE got upended all in a single night because of one man. And then the Kraang are actively hunting him and the turtles down in their first months. He HAD to train them in order to defend themselves because he couldnt just keep them underground for their entire lives. (Plus I think a part of it was him trying to keep his culture and the last of his clan alive because the entire Hamato clan almost got WIPED OUT/joined Shredder.)

And the whole thing about him being homophobic? That just feels really racist to me? Like the asian parent would automatically be homophobic. Even though Splinter knows first hand what it feels like to be shunned for something you cannot control.

The fandom can be very tiring sometimes and Im so sick of all the slander these characters get

[lambrinichampagne]

dream team (especially dream) will never catch a break. all these people will keep coming out about how they "had a bad experience" with them and it will be some weak shit blown out of proportion by twitter minions

first it was "oh dream covered up george and caiti's situation", then it was "why is he talking about it ? doesn't involve him"

then it was "dream stole my girl and im gonna tell my 1.6 million twt followers about it without talking to him first"

and now its "dream messaged me about my sons insane behaviour and im mad about it because my son can do no wrong"

and ofc we got people like sniff and aimsey yapping vaguely on the side..its white noise at this point.

when will we realise that all these people don't know how the world works? or the fact that they have the same communications skills as a 5 year old?

what do they want dream to do? reach out privately? or air all the business burn book style? jesus christ

The fact this ask is hours old but only got more and more relevant throughout the day... 🙃

I hate to give these cc's any slack, but they're not really moving that differently to the real world tbh.

You know how cliques exist in school? And people gossip and bitch about or within certain cliques? That never really goes away once we're adults, as much as we would like it to. You will probably come up against something similar in the work place.

How bad in a specific workplace will depend entirely on the culture of it. A good work place will have almost limited gossip and bitching.

But what you'll find is that the more discontent a workforce is, the nastier people get. This is normally towards the management, but it can also be towards people who just seem to be getting on better than you.

Dteam are extremely successful. A lot of these cc's are going to think that it's unfair or undeserved. So they will do what they can to tear them down to make themselves feel better. And it's gotten to a really, really toxic level where it is verging on harassment imo.

I feel so, so bad for Dteam, but I am also so proud. They're far from perfect, but they show such humility and grace whenever they are torn to shreds publicly by others. My heart is particularly broken for George and Dream right now, and I just hope they know that their kindness does not go unnoticed.

[bonyassfish]

Why are you jumblr assholes so fucking obsessed with atheists? My guess is you found a group of people more despised than you and decided to join in on the atheist bashing. And you can hate on with impunity because no one else cares about us. And you have this build in defense where if anyone calls you on your bullshit you can just cry “antisemitism” and shut down the discussion. Because no matter what you’re always the victims. And then you wonder why we hate you!

the funniest thing about this to me personally is that I'm actually an atheist jew lmao

now im in a good mood so I'm going to try and take this question a little seriously even though you just seem angry and whiny and bitter and intent on bothering jewish people minding our business

in the real world, the biggest threat to jewish safety and security right now is, (at least in the us, canada, europe, australia, and aotearoa) is white supremacy and christo-fascism. but tumblr is not quite the real world

if you did a demographic study of tumblr, you would find that the majority of users (but not all of course) are probably left-leaning, from either the us or europe, white, and were either raised in christian home or grew up in a culturally christian place. this is obviously not all tumblr users, but it probably describes most Tumblr users. and if you did a survey of all tumblr users who were either raised christian and/or raised in a culturally christian place, you would probably find that most (though not all) do not currently practice christianity, and many might also say they suffered some religious trauma.

within this group (people raised christian/culturally christian who are now atheists), there is a lot of variety on how people see religion as a whole and interact with religious people. there is one particular subset of this group who I will generously refer to as the "somewhat ignorant but loud spoken atheists". it's the person who says that all religion is equally bad. it's the person who has unlearned the harm christianity has done to themselves, but not to other communities. it's the person who parrots the same islamaphobia and antisemitism as the church leaders they critique. it's bill maher. it's the person who sees religious and ethnic minorities being proud of their heritage and serious about their traditions and thinks it's the same as christians trying to rewrite laws in the us.

so when we talk about antisemitism on tumblr, because of tumblr demographics, those types of people will be the ones who espouse the most antisemitism here. it's similar to why tumblr users may be more combative with terfs than other transphobes, simply because you're much more likely to find a terf here than a conservative

I can't speak for all jews (we are a notoriously disagreeable people lol), but we really have no problems with atheism or atheists in general. hell, there are many jews (such as myself) who are atheists. we don't think everyone on earth needs to follow the same religious framework, so someone being an atheist is no problem. the issue is that you espouse antisemitism and refuse to apologize for it

[thedevilandhisbride]

This is gonna probably sound stupid, but thank you for making that post about how oit's okay to be white. I'm on the younger side of things (I don't wanna share my age but I'm in the 15-25 age range) and new to online spaces, so I've been mulling over my first few experiences with online racism for being white (not directed towards me, but stuff like how all white people are racist and how we don't have culture, and that we deserve to die, etc.) and I was trying to search for proof that I'm not crazy about that counting as being racism because every post I saw in my search was just saying the opposite; that I was just some whiny privileged white person who just wanted to play the victim despite being a horrible racist monster and actually that's fine because some white people did despicable and horribly racist things.

Then I saw your post about how it's okay to be white and that being white doesn't make me a horrible person. Like I said, it sounds stupid because why am I basing my views on myself off of what a bunch of people online are saying? But it actually made me cry out of relief.

oh anon i am so happy my post reached you. im holding your hands so gently and never letting go

race is a morally neutral thing, and all cultures including white cultures are valid and loved and should be appreciated

you cannot change who you are, you can truly only embrace it, and i hope you can embrace yourself and your culture(s) and who you are

its hard to not take what others say to heart, online and offline. ive had endless amounts of people tell me that my white cultures were essentially worthless, and peoples discomfort around me for my skintone was 'deserved', or that because of my skintone all my ancestors were horrible people and i deserved to be hated for sharing their shade- for having the audacity to be born with white skin

is that not racism? is that not the definition of racism?

nobody should feel awful for their skin color, so why are white people made to feel awful for being white?

its unfair, and nobody ever should be made to feel that way, and its horrible that anyone ever has been made to feel that way, so why perpetuate it further?

you should be proud of who you are, where you came from, and if those origins have negativity and racism, then we learn to reflect on it and do better in the now

people shouldnt have to pay for their ancestors mistakes, but we as an entire people on this planet should move forward to make the world better, regardless of our pasts

yes they may play a part, but people have the capacity for so much good as they do evil

hatred is taught, so lets stop teaching it

ily anon <3 stay strong

[confessions-official]

tw: telling people to kms, mentions of racism

im a white southerner and i feel so afraid to say it online for some reason?????? i know the most common response wouldnt be anything i like. but i feel so disconnected from my culture too. white people dont really have a culture and southern culture was built off of racism and human trafficking and i want to feel proud of where im from and embrace my culture but i cant look past the south's racism and bigotry and history.

i wanted to see what southerners on tumblr are like so i looked up the tag and see a ton of confederate horseshit. doesn't make me feel any better. and then i see a post screaming at southerners to kill themselves. i just blocked them but i really wish i sent them anon hate or something . but it feels so immature of me. and why would they care honestly. i might just go do it anyways

.

[noegrets]

I knew there was a transphobic bad actor on the moderation team that it took Tumblr awhile to discover and consequently fire. I know that Tumblr blocks searching for various transgender-related words, probably in submission to the Apple app store's awful whims. I know that Tumblr previously settled a case about how the automated porn-detection system was unfairly biased against trans people, and I thought Tumblr was trying to do better after that.

I was following the CEO photomatt, and so a post winds up on my dashboard from him about the banning of user predstrogen. I didn't really have any specific context before reading photomatt's post. I read it... yeah, that fired bad actor, yeah, nod, nod... predstrogen has been banned not because she is trans (I sure hope not), but because she has sent death threats? And he's going to even show us an example death threat? To be honest, I am not sure if that's really a good thing to show us, doesn't that violate some sort of privacy or something?

But there it is, and the death threat is a post that says: "I hope photomatt dies forever a painful death involving a car covered in hammers that explodes more than a few times and hammers go flying everywhere"

And I just sat blinking at that for awhile. That's not a death threat. That's nothing the FBI should investigate. That's just a typical Tumblr post. That's some Looney Tunes humor. My only critique is maybe then the hammers should explode too. And then there can be the shot of the globe exploding. And then there's a white void, and Daffy Duck walks in from screen right and says, "Hm, tough crowd tonight." And explodes.

Personally, I am very strongly opposed to "kill yourself" shit, or "someone should kill that person" shit, but merely hoping someone dies??? There are plenty of people in this world that I hope have a very radical change of heart, and failing that, it might be better if they drop dead of natural causes sooner rather than later. Is that belief a bannable offense in Tumblr's eyes? How many memes circulated leading up to the death of Queen Elizabeth? The currently declining health of King Charles? That time Donald Trump got covid? Do you really want to take Tumblr in the direction where voicing that you hope someone dies is a bannable offense? Do you want to bring fucking "unalive" culture here? Should I avoid using the f-word too?

And then photomatt's post continued with another screenshot where predstrogen mused, "how long until deathwishes against the ceo get me banned or flagged. right now im pissed off enough that I want to find out."

And my initial reaction to that was, why is this being included? There's nothing relevant here.

And photomatt interpreted that as: "The second part seems to indicate she wanted to be suspended, I'm unaware of why, perhaps to create this sort of uproar."

Why is that evidence to ban someone? That's some petty shit. You perceived this as daring you to ban her, so you banned her??? And you present this as evidence that it was a good idea to ban her???? You thought she was trolling, so you fed the trolls? What, is saying you dare Tumblr to ban you against the Terms of Service now???

And, personally, I didn't read that as predstrogen daring Tumblr to ban her. I don't know or follow predstrogen, and I don't know if this is accurate, but in witnessing this, I have gleaned that she's an out-and-proud transwoman who has spoken out about being unfairly censored by the Tumblr moderation team. Being an out-and-proud transwoman probably means that predstrogen also is frequently targeted by terf hate campaigns. That means predstrogen probably has frequent first-hand experience of 1) how her posts get ridiculously flagged, seemingly for no other reason than that she is trans (something we know for a fact happens sometimes, given that there was that bad actor and the biased porn-detection system), and 2) receiving harassment and death-threats from terfs that Tumblr moderation doesn't seem to be taking seriously, and even 3) how the terfs can file false reports in order to use the Tumblr moderation system itself against her! I could imagine it must be extremely frustrating to be targeted by hate, and then wind up being the one who is silenced by the very moderation system that is the only source of help for these matters. I could imagine predstrogen saying those sort of things with the frustration of, look, I said some Looney Tunes shit, while I have this pile of death threats against me. Watch nothing happen to that pile, while I get banned in 5... 4... 3...

Probably not the best PR move, but something I can understand someone doing while at their wits end at the unfairness of it all.

At this point in my reading, I thought that photomatt was possibly well-intentioned but really clueless and severely missing the point.

And in the meanwhile, I saw people calling him out for his pronoun usage. There is a point about how photomatt initially was using the gender-neutral "they" when he could have used the more specific "she"... I know that personally, I had a period when I was defaulting to using neutral "they" for everybody, with the idea of always leaving it open and never making a wrong assumption... And I later realized I should instead make the effort to use the top-preferred pronoun instead - I imagine the top-preferred pronoun would be much more validating and supportive rather than always defaulting to "they". But I'd say defaulting to "they" is an attempt that could be better. And it's also true that you can't exactly check the pinned post of a nuked blog for the preferred pronouns.

But then people started yelling that photomatt was misgendering her as "it". That's because, in his haste to avoid a faux pas when told "they" was wrong, photomatt changed his language to refer to "the account" and "the post" rather than predstrogen the person, so as to dodge the question of pronouns entirely. I saw people continuing to rail on: "it says it hopes I die forever a painful death" as being misgendering. He was talking about the post, the writing, not the person. It's colloquial and maybe a bit of mangled phrasing, but pointing to this as misgendering is pretty disingenuous. Not as disingenuous as claiming it's a death-threat to say "I hope you're hit by the Looney-Tunes-mobile", but still, come on...

But then more posts from photomatt continued arriving on my dashboard, and they quickly dissolved from corporate-speak on inclusivity... to trying to prove what a good ally he truly truly is... down to petty shit like reblogging people who say they support him... and then garbage like in the image above threatening to delete Tumblr as some sort of mega-flounce.

Definitely not the best PR move, but something I can understand someone wanting to do while at their wits end at the perceived unfairness of it all. But a CEO should NOT do such things.

I thought that when photomatt started saying, wow, it's really horrendous to be the target of a massive online pile-on, and Tumblr doesn't really offer good tools to deal with that, I thought he was having some better-late-than-never understanding of what predstrogen has probably been going through. And understanding that Tumblr could benefit from some serious reconsideration in that area. Perhaps even someone like predstrogen could provide feedback on new features like that. But NOPE. He was only giving us a public tantrum from the company's CEO. Nice one, boss.

Most recently, before finally unfollowing, I saw him re-reblog his post to promote someone's commentary saying that you'd have to be "brainless" to not perceive the Looney-Tunes-mobile as a death threat. Photomatt, is "brainless" the kind of language you want your impromptu spokesperson to use? Hammer-car, not okay, but "brainless" is corporate-approved? And you're really really digging in your heels on this, like that?

Photomatt, you're even fucking on sabbatical. Stop being on tumblr. Walk away, calm down, and realize that you were being an ass here. Go enjoy your sabbatical, and come back ready to take some sort of corporate training on listening and humility and inclusivity, because you clearly need a refresher. And probably hire someone to filter your posts before you make them, geez.

truly fucking incredible that the ceo actually thought it was a good idea to post "well if you're all going to be so mean to me then maybe there shouldn't even be a tumblr." incredible that his lawyers haven't told him to shut the fuck up and stop posting through it yet

[hellsbellschime]

I need to vent out my frustrations somewhere bc I feel like im going insane in this. But I find a lot of the ‘jokes’ regarding the Wicked press tour annoying as hell. I don’t even plan to go see the movie because musicals aren’t for me, but goddamn let these women be emotional about getting their dream roles if they want ???? Like it’s gotten to the points where the jokes are only an excuse to be racist and misogynist towards Cynthia and Ariana. Have none of these people ever been proud of their work ????

The comments on Ariana Grandes body, making fun of Cynthia’s nails, saying they must secretly hate each other because of how close they seem. Which, even if they do, I am VERY happy that they have at the very least publicly shown love and support for one another, I couldn’t give less of a fuck if they’re pulling each others hairs behind the scenes, but with the amount of misogynir that Cynthia has been facing these past few months - both by the public, and even by interviewers who always seem to want to get more out of Ariana than her - I am happy that Ariana and the cast always stand behind her and put her at the center of this project.

Ugh, idk it’s just so annoying to see people actively try to tear these women down because they’ve given you nothing to work with. Don’t get me wrong, Ariana and Cynthia are far from perfect and definitely not above criticism, but being happy about their dreams coming true, and showing that happiness, and being supportive towards one another, is NOT one of those things.

Yeah these people are pretending that they don't understand stan culture when you rarely get that deep into entertainment media/social media without being a total freak about something, so it's bizarre that they're acting like behavior that they would 100% engage in over their favorite things is weird because it's actual actors/celebrities doing it.

[officialauthorofanotherworld]

*zelda chest sound* You got: Exposition! (#1)

I may be unable to promise an actual schedule for posting due to several factors, but I can promise this!

The original intent of this blog, I think, was to post exposition. Things that I really cant find the "right" place for in my novel.

Like...

Exposition that feels out of place, that i can't feasibly stick in my book because I HATE having the people in my book randomly start thinking about something like this for an excuse to expo-dump the reader. It's stupid, unrealistic, and poor writing imo. It's unfortunate because stuff like this gets shoved under the rug and never comes out, so onto my tumblr it goes because I can't see a way to integrate this naturally.

Here we go!

color coded random words for fun idk (kommodia related: blue, goblins: green, common: red, dawn of creation: orange) no real reason, just wanted to spruce it up xd

deleted from: pg. 297 (im really proud of this one and didnt want it to just go to waste, finally put to words something i've known about this world for a while!)

All living beings capable of speech had been granted the gift of a common tongue—an ingrained language to facilitate communication between species, it was a “muscle” like any other. Disuse would lead to atrophy and loss. For that same reason, goblins (for this and a few other key reasons relating to Sargantas which I believe I covered in a older post) could no longer speak in any language other than their racial tongue, and races foreign to Kommodia often had trouble speaking the tongue, as all races in the world had their “native” tongue, with what later became known as “Kommodian-Common” being a secondary language for them. In essence, Kommodian culture expanded in ways outside of language, for the most part. While the “common-tongue” of the modern day had changed drastically since the dawn of creation, only Kommodia held it as its one and only native language.

TLDR/Alternate Explanation: Kommodia’s language is the one given to everyone at birth. Common. It’s (it evolved to become) a bit of a slight variation on “common” so it becomes Kommodian-Common. (I guess like how American-English and British-English are a thing, except with a few more differences i'd guess)

All races, i.e the Katanese/Katani(?) (Kitani??? TATSUYA KITANI????) Catfolk speaking Katanese in Katan, the Dwarves with Dwarvish, Elves with Elvish, Orcs with Orcish, Gnomes, Halflings, and the other “smallfolk” with their “Halfspeak”, a term either affectionate or extremely offensive depending on who you asked, all races had their own language. But not humans. Humans had “common.” While that “common” might variate depending on where you were in the world, Kommodia only had Common. And if you don’t use it, you will eventually lose it fully. This catfolk is very old, so remembering how to use “common” and equate what HE knows to modern day Kommodian-Common, it’s like trying to remember lost memories in a way.

[izzysdiary003]

Drove really well to tesco today! Proud that i can drive after a 9 week break from it. Headache all the time (even iller now i’ve stopped doing stuff and am home?). L still thinks liking dan and phil is embarassing and posted about it. I think that is more embarassing for her. I feel bad for people who are too worried about what’s cringe to enjoy themselves. With exceptions (kkg) i am so reluctant to shit on stuff which used to make me so excited…. I love the past me that loved stuff like mcr so much. Passion is one of the greatest things a person can have.

However i am still desperate to be as cool/interesting/perceived as her. Obsession and jealousy lingers. She posts about her notes app, i look through my own to see what is post-worthy. I feel the need to read and do cool stuff solely when i see others do it. This is bad!

I cannot let the rot set in this holiday! I am gna read and sleep early tn, get up earlier tomorrow and do things. Start couch to 5k, eat nice food, start my greek and latin. I could even find a new spot to do it.

I should really get in touch with people too. People are all we’ve got.

I love that i’m rewatching the hunger games with my family. Catching fire last night. This resurgence is the best thing to happen this year in pop culture…

I love those corecore videos where someone smashes a plate and then there are these vague liminal videos that reaffirm life as interesting and emotional and fast paced. I think right now is a very limited way to live - at home in a small town, dark at 4pm, tired and ill. I need a richer internal world for sure or i’ll get devastatingly bored not running through fields or living under city lights.

I got a video talking about the bad side effects of anorexia today. Hair loss. Always cold. Loss of bowel control. How awful that all is. Yes i want to be a little skinnier but do i really? Its so not something i can let myself romanticise. I see girls w a little meat on their bones and i think they’re so gorgeous. That could be me.

I really need to learn to eat healthy ish and exercise but not be consumed with guilt. I definitely gain a feeling of control from calorie checking stuff. This is okay for now but could be bad. Let’s work on it! If i gained weight, would that really be so terrible? Would people value me less? I fucking hope not and i know they wouldn’t. I want to be strong.

I dont know why i care about L so much in the way that i measure up my life to hers to assume my successes and failures. Who fucking cares if she is skinnier than me. It’s not a competition! Imagine if she knew that i even thought about that…

My friends tell me that i am funny and interesting. It’s true. I need to get that into my head and work on my self confidence so severely. Low self esteem is legit at the core of every problem i have.

Not liking yourself is stressful (what did i say? Did i embarrass myself? I’ve made them hate me forever!). It’s lonely. It’s time-consuming (what do i eat next? And next? And next?). It makes you a narcissist!

I also need to stop watching porn. Bad habit which will only get worse! It’s when i admit these things that i realise this diary must be just for me. I feel like im writing with an audience in mind until i say unglamorous stuff like this. But u do what u gotta do for the God of Self-Improvement.

I’ll say this to myself. I love you! You have got this! You are worthy! You are trying!

[zushimart]

hi idk if this is a weird ask or not bc im half asleep but i just wanted to say that i started following u on my old blog in late 2022 like maybe december and your posts about bpd scara made me feel so seen. i wasn't diagnosed then but it was recently on the table as a diagnosis for me all of a sudden and it was terrifying because i feel like pwbpd are demonized and hated everywhere i look. and just like scrolling thru ur bpd scara tag was like looking at a diary of my own mind or smth. so it was really new to me to see someone talk about borderline as something that brings love and pain into our lives and not just as some scary evil-people diagnosis. like ur definitely my fav writer on this app by far but also u make me feel really validated in my emotions i guess? wow idk sorry like i actually have no idea how to describe it but hopefully u can read minds ‼️ 🤞 i have since been diagnosed with bpd with a criteria score of 9/9 so 😳 idk where id be rn in september 2023 if i hadn't sort of started to learn to love myself from your writings exploring a character. so yea this is probably a strange ask so feel free to ignore it. also im going on anon bc im scared of interacting w ppl. ALSO U R SO FUNNY ND YOUR HUMOR/RANDOM FUNNY TAGS FEEL SO SIMILAR TO MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE

this is such an open & genuine thing to say to me . i like had to sit with it for a second because it was so .. idk like how to communicate it . my devaluation of ths blog is pretty frequent, treating it sort of like a big boy version of the 2000s children’s diaries with locks.. my thoughts tossed in here nd piled nd piled nd piled, endlessly messy. nd it objectively is a writing blog , like yeah, on a surface level, i own& maintain a writing blog, but i would never tell people that. when people ask my hobbies i always say writing & ill show them my poetry pieces but i never tell them i have a blog because im kind of embarrassed by the very seriously delusional self indulgence i pour into this thing . but then i hear about.. like, for ex. we learned ab and have to maintain our own commonplace book in class, which is essentially where people collected anything and everything they felt needed to be archived from their day and tucked it into the pages of a journal . like how thomas jefferson’s commonplace book will have his serious philosophical & political ramblings side by side a recipe for cornbread because it was just a place to put everything big & small . the practical & the theoretical. just, whatever Means something to u. and leisure, indulgence, pleasure r concepts just as important as virtues imo. anyway i say all this to say that what u said to me makes me want to treat everything better, even this place. it like, makes me feel really proud of my writing& analyses that i might normally b quick to label as inconsequential or childlike because im scared people will think i care too much about something so culturally insignificant. but i do care!! obviously!! a lot. i was like kind of bummed today for a number of reasons frm feeling a bit isolated to feeling like living out my principles& ideals (connecting w community, peer centered thinking etc etc) is almost impossible because im sooo freaking shitty at social convention. so when u sent this in & i read it, it was almost like when ur spacing out nd someone snaps 🫰🫰 in front of ur face to get ur attn. so busy trying 2 b significant to someone to realize that u Already are significant in a myriad of little ways. that it’s not something u search for or insert urself into but rather an inevitable outcome of existing. Anyway . not to b sentimental but i wanted 2 b as candid with u because i really did think it was sweet of u to share & im really happy that i was able 2 positively shape & support a little space of ur life because really thats all i ever want to do. Soooooooooo if ur ask was weird then my response is even weirder. Handwritten thank u:

[weasleylangs]

dirty little secret / g.w

‘i go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you’ 

Summary: Being friends with benefits was a mutual decision, a way to relieve stress when needed after a stressful twelve months. It was decided it was just between them, not to be anybodies business but George and Y/N’s, but she doesn’t want to be his dirty little secret anymore. Pairing: George Weasley x Fem!Reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI !! no graphic depictions of sex but there’s one really fucking steamy kiss and sex & fwb situations/hookup culture is discussed heavily, sweet aftercare for both reader and George, jealousy & possession (nothing toxic), alcohol / drinking, food.  Word Count: 5.6k AUTHORS NOTE / aaaaa the first instalment for my pop punk series!!! this one is based off dirty little secret by the all american rejects! im going to kiss @weelittleweasley for helping me write the steamy kiss btw!!!!!

POP PUNK COLLECTION 

(all 18+) taglist / @spacexcowgirl @weelittleweasley​ @lumos-barnes​ @butterflybuchanan​ @levylovegood​ @omghufflepuff​ @mitsukui​ 

----------

Y/N hears George when he reenters her room, a glass of water in one of his hands, a washcloth in the other. Her legs still feel slightly numb from the pleasure she had just been on the receiving end of, a blissed-out expression on her face as she makes grabby hands towards the man in her doorway. 

George smiles dopily down at her, helping her sit up before handing her the glass of water. “How are you feeling?” he asks, checking in as he starts to help clean Y/N up. He quickly stops when she winces, scared he hurt her. “Fuck, sorry,” he whispers, pulling his hand away but when she laughs and grabs his hand, he relaxes.

“It’s fine,” she smiles, the look of euphoria still gracing her facial features. “Just a little sensitive,” she says honestly. George nods slightly, a proud smile on his lips as he goes back to cleaning her skin, taking extra care in areas where Y/N would be sensitive. 

He’s always like this after sex, making sure she’s okay. It’s a part of the reason why Y/N agreed on being friends with benefits with him in the first place, he’s the most trustworthy person she knows. 

It all started when they were twenty-one; the war had finished, their loved ones were safe and they so desperately needed to unwind in a very specific way after the stress of the previous twelve months. It was a mistake at first, two best friends drunkenly joking about sleeping together and the next thing they knew, they were rolling in the sheets together. Y/N was positive she ruined her longest friendship, but when George began his own personal ritual of aftercare, she knew she couldn’t let him go easily. 

This is why when the preposition of friends with benefits was put on the table by George, she immediately took it; six months later they’re still sleeping together, and even though her feelings for George are evergrowing, she’s happy with their current situation. 

“You sure you’re okay?” George presses when he’s noticed Y/N’s eyes glazed over. He’s worried he went a little harder than usual tonight. The stress of getting the joke shop back up and running has been getting to him and he needed a release of pressure in more ways than one.  

“Yes, I’m sure,” she says, taking George’s hand in her own before pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles that causes a soft red hue to develop across his freckled cheeks. That’s something else she’s learnt about George since she began sleeping with him; he needs aftercare for himself just as much herself, and he mostly needs it in some form of physical affection. “Just thinking, nothing bad. I promise.” 

George nods asking if Y/N’s good to be picked up. She giggles when she realises he’s taking her to the bathroom so she can pee. He sits her down on the toilet before turning around and gasping as he sees his reflection in the mirror. “Fuck woman,” he exclaims, before twisting his body so he can see the scratches that start at his shoulders and trail down his back. “Were you trying to rip me apart?” 

He hears a giggle come from behind him, quickly followed by a toilet flushing. He feels her frame push past him so she can wash her hands and when she reaches to grab some cream to put on George’s back she lets out her own gasp.

“George Fabian Weasley, what the fuck?” Her neck has a hickey, and not just a small one. She’s beginning to question whether George is part vampire when she looks up at him and he’s smirking at her, a mischievous glint in his eye. “It’s Spring! I have lunch with Angie tomorrow! I can’t cover these!”

George almost feels bad, but his admiration for his work on her neck is slightly winning over his guilt. “I’m sorry, darling,” it’s genuine and they both know it when Y/N’s scowl falters slightly, threatening to smile.

“No, you’re not,” she says, grabbing the cream for his back and pushing him back into her bedroom. Before she begins to help George, she stands in front of her drawers, grabbing clothes to put on now she’s come out of her post-sex haze. She hears the redhead behind her chuckle when he recognises the sweater she puts on as his own as he puts his own boxers back on. “But I guess it’s payback. Your back’s going to hurt tomorrow and Fred’s going to wonder why.”

None of their friends are aware of... their arrangement. They agreed, knowing they would make it weird. After all, Fred’s engaged to his long term girlfriend from their Hogwarts years and their other friends have all started putting themselves out there, so it’s safe to say, they’re the last two to start to settle down. 

But they like their current relationship; it’s carefree, it’s simple, it’s not complicated like a proper relationship and if they’re honest, they get some mindblowing sex out of it. So it’s not anybody’s business but each other’s. 

After a while, Y/N’s finished putting the cream on George’s back. She spent the time mumbling apologies whenever George winces, she didn’t realise how hard she was going so she makes a mental note to not rip apart his back the next time they see each other. She presses a gentle kiss to the base of George’s neck, something she doesn’t think too much about but it feels like it’s blurring the lines between romantic and platonic right now and she feels herself panic a tiny bit.

“Do you work tomorrow?” She asks George, who hums in agreement. His eyes are droopy like he’s almost falling asleep and Y/N expected this. He’s putty in anybody’s hands the second you start trailing your hands gently up any part of his body, specifically his back. “Are you sleeping here tonight?” she giggles as she asks and George sighs. 

“I probably shouldn't but-” he cuts himself off with a yawn before rolling over onto his back. “Your bed is just so much more comfortable than mine.” 

Y/N rolls her eyes, pushing him slightly before jumping off the bed and leaving George to frown at her when she moves from her spot next to him. She grabs her wand from her bedside table, walking through her flat to make sure all her lights are turned off before enchanting ‘lumos’ so she can light her way back to her bedroom. 

“You’re letting me stay?” She nods at his words, crawling into bed with him. While she knows George is a sucker for physical affection, Y/N is also well aware he hates sleeping cuddled up to people so she gives him his space in the bed. Because of this, she doesn’t expect George to shift his body so even though they’re not cuddling, they’re still close, a simple form of comfort that neither of them can decipher as platonic or romantic.

“Yes, you can stay,” she says, rubbing her thumb along George’s hand as a way of saying goodnight, “but you wake me up before 9am tomorrow and you die.” 

-----

When Y/N wakes up the next morning to her alarm going off, the side of the bed is empty and cold. Her alarm clock reads 10:30am, so she knows George has been gone for a few hours at this point. She feels a small sense of sadness, remembering how fun the mornings are the times George sleeps over and stays until she wakes up. 

She sighs, deciding there’s no point in dwelling on George’s absence. When she walks into her kitchen, she checks her kettle; cursing George when she finds it empty because she knows he just had to have a cup of tea before leaving this morning and rolls her eyes as she fills it herself. Her kettle’s boiling as she potters around when she spots a piece of paper with George’s writing all over it. 

‘George’s excuses for the hickeys’ the note reads in his messy scrawl, and Y/N has to stifle a cackle before she continues to read. ‘1. ran into a door’ is scratched out immediately and she knows George probably thought it was a good idea at first before realising the hickeys are on her neck, so the running into the door isn't feasible. ‘2. bug’ is the next one and she has to stop herself from rolling her eyes and when she goes back to George’s oh so incredible list, her breath hitches. 

‘3. be honest and say you hooked up with someone’ makes Y/N’s heart sink. She hasn’t slept with anyone besides George in the past six months, hasn’t wanted to either for that matter, but it makes her realise something. 

She doesn’t know if George is the same. 

She’s well aware of their situation and the lack of commitment outside of promising to come over later, but her emotions hit her harder than she thought they would. While she wouldn’t complain if she and George became something more, she knows it’s not what either of them is looking for at the moment, so she doesn’t understand why she’s so hurt. Does George think I shag other people? she thinks before the kettle starts to hiss to indicate the water is boiled and she’s brought back to reality. 

After drinking her tea, Y/N begins to get ready, trying her best to cover the purple bruises littering her neck and trying to keep herself under control while she admires them in the mirror. Soon enough, she’s out the door and making her way to Diagon Alley where she spots Angie, talking with Fred.

“Y/N!” Fred exclaims as she gets closer and waves frantically as she walks towards them. “We’re just talking about how we think George has a bird!” Y/N chokes on air, her brows furrowing at Fred’s words. They’ve been so careful, a bit too careful when it comes to hiding their relationship from their friends so she doesn’t understand.

“Why do you think that?” Her tone is casual, trying to act natural as she tries to find out what signs could point to their... activities being exposed, and to his brother of all people.

Fred starts laughing again, holding his stomach as he tries to tell the story. “He didn’t come home last night- I only noticed because I was up at 3 and his bedroom door was open which was weird because he didn’t tell me he was going out!” Fred’s animated when he’s talking, taking a sip of his drink and using his free hand to emphasise his story. “And when he was reaching for something in a closet today he winced, like his back hurt!” 

Y/N stares at Fred blankly, memories of the night before flooding her memory when Fred mentions George wincing. She knows now is not the time to start thinking about how good George made her feel last night. “What does wincing have to do with anything?” 

She knows she made a mistake when Fred’s eyes widen, staring at her. “Well, my dear prude Y/N, my back only hurts when it’s scratched up from a good fu-” 

“Okay, we do not need to hear about your sex life,” Angie says, grabbing Y/N by the shoulders and steering her off. “We have a lunch date that you’re not invited to.” She’s smiling when she says it and when Fred bids the two girls goodbye, Angie calls out something about making fun of George for her. 

She’s quiet on the walk to the cafe she and Angelina have planned for lunch, lost in thoughts. She’s stuck on the idea of George sleeping with other people even though she knows she was the one with George last night, that she was the one scratching up his back. They walk in tandem, Angelina raving about Quidditch while Y/N nodded in acknowledgement at appropriate times. 

Eventually, they reach the cafe, quickly taking a seat and looking at the menu. It’s then when Angelina’s hand pulls the menu down from Y/N’s face and she’s giving the girl a questioning look.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

Y/N stares at her, not understanding how she did anything to convey any feeling at all, let alone a feeling of something being wrong. She’s about to deny it when she looks Angelina in the eye, and she realises she can’t lie to her because she’d be questioned for the rest of lunch. “Do you think George has a friend with benefits?”

Angelina giggles at Y/N’s words, smiling slightly. “I know you’re sleeping with him.” She says it so casually that Y/N doesn’t even process what she said for a few beats. She half expected her friend to admit she was also sleeping with George, after all, she used to suspect they had a thing when they were teenagers but this is the last thing she expected. 

She’s so baffled she can’t even deny it, no words leaving her mouth for a second before she just stares at Angelina, “How?”

Angelina keeps smiling, quickly ordering their drinks when the waitress comes over and requests a little longer to decide on food before turning back to her friend sitting dumbfounded across the table. “Fred might be stupid and oblivious, but I’m not. I see the way he looks at you.” 

Y/N doesn’t think George looks at her in any particular way, at least he doesn’t when she isn’t under him and she notices Angelina’s eyes soften when Y/N doesn’t say anything. “You didn’t know before sleeping with him?”

“Didn’t know what before sleeping with him?”

“That he likes you?” Y/N thinks Angelina’s being stupid; it’s always been her liking George and George not noticing, not the other way around. George has always been sweet and gentle in bed, way nicer and way more giving than any other romantic partner in her past, but she’s always chalked it up to him just being George. That’s how she’s always known him, how she knew him when they met at 11, how she knew him on the Quidditch pitch when they were 15 and how she knows him now, at 22 and in his bed. 

“He doesn’t like me, you’re just making stuff up!” She’s adamant Angelina’s just messing with her but Angelina just sighs, obviously ready to move on from the topic. “He doesn’t,” she whispers to no one in particular and she feels Angelina grab her hand, rubbing a thumb across the top in a comforting kind of way.

“I guess it’s not my place to say,” she starts, “but I’ve never seen George treat someone else like the way he treats you. It’s like... It’s like you’re glass, that he’s scared of breaking you and you have to be in his sights at all times.” It’s soft and Y/N knows it’s genuine as much as she hates to admit it. 

The conversation changes, thankfully putting Y/N and George out of the hot seat but she’s hanging onto every word of Angelina’s, suddenly overthinking every interaction she’s had with the redhead in the past few months. Panic starts to set in and it only gets worse when Angelina bids her goodbye.

Her thoughts are loud; does she like George or does she like the way George makes her feel? What if George has liked her this entire time and she’s mistaken her feelings for romantic when they’re purely physical? 

As she wonders, she realises she’s being stupid. Y/N knows she likes George, she’s liked George for so long and she likes him so much it hurts. That’s when a new thought arrives, a more sinister thought, a meaner thought; What if Angelina is just completely wrong, that’s always a possibility. What if George doesn’t like her back at all. 

-----

She wanders Diagon Alley, making her way to the Apothecary after remembering she needs some more Valerian sprigs to make a new batch of the Potion for Dreamless Sleep. She’s muttering to herself as she wanders the store, thinking about how these days her best night's sleep are spent besides George but the thought is quickly pushed away when she spots her ingredient of choice and she can barely reach it. 

“Fuck,” she mutters, looking around for a stool or a shop assistant so she can finally get out of Diagon Alley. She’s about to give up and leave herself when she’s met with a tough body slamming into her own. Apologies spill from her mouth quickly, feeling terrible she almost knocked this poor guy over in the middle of the Apothecary but when she looks up, George is looking down at her.

“What do you need, darling?” The nickname makes her heart race and she only hopes George can’t hear it seconds away from beating from her chest. She doesn’t respond immediately, preoccupied with how nice he looks and it’s not until he waves in front of her face that she responds.

“Sorry,” she says, shaking her head in a way to push away her thoughts, “was looking for some Valerian sprigs.” She hopes George minds his own business, memories from her meeting with Angelina flooding her thoughts. She starts to over analyse the way George looks at her, whether it’s as if she’s glass, like Angelina claims but when she looks at George, he’s reaching up and grabbing the jar for her.

“Treacle fudge?” He questions, and it takes her a moment to process he’s asking why she needs the ingredient. 

“Dreamless Sleep,” she replies, embarrassed. She’s never needed a sleeping potion when George is around, his presence alone is enough to fight off any unwanted nightmares but that’s the last thing he needs to know. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment, just puts the jar back up on the shelf when she’s done and motions for her to follow him around the store. 

He stops in front of the rose thorns, silently debating how many to get when he feels Y/N’s eyes on him. “Love potion, for WonderWitch,” he says, grabbing some and putting them in a bag before making his way to the counter. He grabs the Valerian sprigs from Y/N’s hand, placing them alongside his rose thorns and ignoring her protests when he hands some Galleons to the shopkeeper. 

“I get a discount,” he says when they exit the shop, “plus, I didn’t mind.” Y/N stares at him, not able to read a single emotion on his face. She thanks him and takes the Valerian sprigs from him and places them in her bag. 

“Do you wanna come over tonight?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck. “Fred won’t be home.” His cheeks are flushed red, almost like he’s shy asking to see her for the second night in a row. The word ‘yes’ is on the tip of her tongue, threatening to spill out without her permission. She badly wants to let the word slip as well, but her thoughts from earlier come to the forefront once again and at this moment, Y/N can’t seem to convince herself that George wants her in the same way she wants him.

“No, sorry,” she says bluntly, and she doesn’t miss the look of shock on his face. Y/N has never turned George down and while he respects her no, it confuses him nonetheless. “Just... Not feeling well. You know?”

Y/N knows George doesn’t believe her, she sees it in his eyes, but he hums in acknowledgement before lifting his wrist and checking his watch. “Look, I’ve gotta go, Fred’s going to kill me,” the words are forced like he wants to stay and make sure everything is okay between the pair and he’s being pulled away too soon. “I’ll see you sometime this week, yeah?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Y/N says, knowing he doesn’t mean sometime this week in his bed, but the thought happens before she can stop it and it’s right now she realises she needs to push George away before she gets more hurt. 

-----

It’s been a week since Y/N turned down George’s offer to come over that night, and she has a feeling he’s avoiding her. Usually, when Y/N denies him it only takes him a few days before he comes crawling back or vice versa; they’ve never been able to go long without falling into bed together, the co-dependency on each other for a hook up was one they never discussed, but was known, so the fact George didn’t end up in her bed during the week makes her painfully aware something is wrong and even though she knows it’s her own fault, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  

The suspicion is only confirmed when she’s dragged to a bar in Muggle London on the following Saturday night. Angie, Katie and Alicia’s complaints that Y/N’s been too high strung this week getting to her and their peer pressure eventually worked. She doesn’t mind the bar- it’s not too busy but it’s still got enough people in it for a good time and Katie and Lee are getting everyone drinks when Y/N spots a head of bright, auburn hair across the room. 

She doesn’t even think twice before knowing it’s George, and it’s got nothing to do with the girl next to him, hanging off every word he’s saying not being Fred’s fiancée. The way she feels in her entire body when she spots him, the ache in her heart she feels is what confirms it’s George. He’s the only person to ever have this kind of power over her and at this moment, she wishes he didn’t. 

Because George is flirting with the girl next to him and she’s batting her eyelashes, clearly happy with the attention the cute redhead is giving her and Y/N wants nothing more than to be in her place and it hurts, even more, knowing she usually is in her place. George is a lot more comfortable talking sex once he has a few glasses of whiskey, so the flirting gets turned up to an eleven and all their friends laugh at his forwardness. 

Angelina sees Y/N staring longingly at the younger twin and without words she knows something is wrong. So she grabs the tequila from Katie and places it in front of Y/N. “Drink it.” She looks at Angelina, confused why her attention was stolen from George but smiles happily when the shot glass is in her hand. 

It burns as it slides down her throat, after all, tequila always does. She quickly takes the lemon from whoever’s holding it out to her, pulling a face as the sourness meets her taste buds. Angelina, Katie and Alicia and hollering when she looks back at them, her friends successfully stealing her attention from George as they drag her to the dancefloor. ABBA is playing over the loudspeaker, and the girls yell in excitement, they would never pass up the opportunity to dance to ABBA; memories of post-Quidditch parties and sneaking Firewhiskey into the Gryffindor Common Room coming to the forefront of their minds. 

They dance for who knows how long with Lee joining them as he dances between Alicia and Katie, playing up the ladies’ man role. It makes Y/N laugh, Lee clearly loving the attention from the girls but it’s at that moment she spots George and the girl from earlier, dancing; George’s hands are on her hips, respectful but holding her close and it fills Y/N with a feeling so horrible, she has to turn around to push the vile, green monster back down. 

Thankfully, or not so thankfully, she’s not entirely sure just yet, she turns to face a guy. He’s cute, got a puppy dog look about him and he smiles at Y/N in a way that indicates he’s asking to dance. She says yes, of course, and her hands wrap around his neck. She hates that she’s spending this time dancing with him comparing him to George; his hands aren’t as calloused, he smells like mint as opposed to the familiar scent of cinnamon and Earl Grey tea, her heart isn't racing like it would if she was with the redhead. 

George sees her across the dance floor because his eyes haven’t left her all night. He knows he’s leading this poor girl on, Bianca is her name; he’s not going to end up taking her home like he knows she’s hoping, but he needed a distraction. When he sees Y/N starting to dance with a guy, his jaw tenses and his eyes narrow; he knows he’s being stubborn. If he just talked to Y/N everything would be sorted but he doesn’t want to be the one to break, he wants Y/N to come to him, to want him. 

Their eyes meet across the dance floor, the guy’s head dipping into the crook of Y/N’s neck, his arm is wrapped around her waist as her back is pressed against his chest, grinding her bum onto his crotch. She tries to look away from George but she can’t, his eyes are enchanting and this is the most attention they’ve gotten from each other since that day in Diagon Alley. George whispers something into the girl’s ear, his grip on her hips getting tighter but his eyes never leave Y/N’s. 

It’s Y/N who breaks eye contact, her head falling back onto her dance partner’s shoulder and when George sees open mouth kisses pressed to Y/N’s neck, he snaps. He mutters an excuse to Bianca and walks as fast as he can to the girl he wants. He sees his friends snickering at each other as they dance but no one says anything.

She feels his presence before she feels him grab her wrist, so he doesn’t scare her. Her head immediately pops up, looking George in the eye. “Oi, nah. I had her first,” the guy behind Y/N says, his grip visually tightening on Y/N as if she’s a toy and George is coming to steal it, but he has to stifle a laugh; the guy’s confident, George’ll give him that.

“Nah, mate,” he starts, the music changing to a more sensual R&B song as he speaks. He sees Y/N blush at his simple words and he gently tugs at her wrist again, not in a demanding kind of way; he’s asking, pleading her to follow him and when she steps away from the guy she was dancing with, she mutters an apology before letting George drag her where he wants to go. 

----

They don’t even say two words to each other once they’re in the bathroom together. George pulls her inside quickly, before pushing her up against the door, attaching his lips immediately to her neck before he gently sucks and bites, subconsciously leaving a small hickey like it's the most natural thing in the world for him to do. She’s missed having him this close so when her fingers rake through his long hair, she gives it a gentle tug before pulling his mouth up to her own, wanting to kiss him with everything she has, needing him even closer. He obliges of course, always happy to give Y/N what she wants.

When George’s lips finally meet hers, he’s kissing her like it’s the last time they’ll ever kiss; it’s messy, desperate, like most of their kisses are, hands gripping wherever they can just to ensure the other isn’t leaving. George is intoxicating to Y/N like she can get drunk from the taste of his whiskey covered lips alone and her head spins when she feels his hands rake up her body, grasping her waist and pushing her harder against the door. A small moan leaving Y/N’s lips is all George needs to force his tongue into her mouth, massaging their tongues together and she tugs at the hair at the nape of his neck again, desperately needing him as close as humanly possible without defiling this public bathroom. The action makes George whimper, loving nothing more than having her fingers tugging at his auburn locks and it gives her a slight power trip. Just a slight one, as she tries to take control of the kiss. 

It doesn’t last long because before she knows it, she’s whimpering under his touch and surrendering everything she has to him as his hands caress her body, grabbing and pulling her to him wherever possible. His hands eventually land on her thighs, and when he grabs them and hoists her up, her legs immediately wrap around his waist. The action alongside the pressure on her crotch makes her moan and she feels George smirk at her noises, obviously feeling proud of being the only person to be able to do this to her. He pivots slightly once he’s holding her, placing Y/N on the counter next to the sink so they’re finally level to kiss comfortably. 

He keeps his spot between her legs, refusing to detach his lips from hers, his hands crawling from her thighs to tightly grasp her hips. If it was any other day, Y/N would’ve said something, telling him to be careful of bruises but right now, after watching him flirt with the girl out in the bar for hours on end, there’s nothing she wants, no needs, more than George marking her in every way he can. 

“Mine,” she moans without thinking, as his lips leave hers, slowly making their way across her jaw and onto her neck once again, licking, biting, sucking. George has always loved her neck and he knows how much she loves having her neck touched. “You’re mine,” she repeats when George doesn’t immediately push her away, and she doesn’t even have time to decide to panic before she hears a groan in her ear.

“Yours,” he whispers, his hot breath causing goosebumps to prickle along her skin. The words don’t even process in her brain before she feels George pull away from her. The lack of contact makes her whine, she never wants to be far away from George ever again but he smiles, presses the most gentle kiss on her lips before looking her directly in her eyes, “I’m yours.” 

Her heart stops, she never thought for a second she’d hear George mutter those words, let alone in a dingey, small bathroom of a bar in Central London, but here it is. “Don’t play with me, Georgie,” she whispers. From her spot on the counter, she can look him directly in the eyes; his cheeks are flushed red, his pupils are blown, lips swollen and red. His hair has gotten messy from her pulling at it but she can’t bring herself to feel bad that she ruined his perfectly styled hair because at this moment, she thinks this is the most beautiful she’s ever seen him, so vulnerable and the look of adoration in his eyes fills her chest with hope. 

“Would I ever play with you, darling?” He asks, his words are sincere and she knows it. It’s soft, reminiscent of all those times he’s looked after her after having sex, when he promises to look after her, always. 

“I’d hope not, I was having fun with…” She trails off, realising she never caught his name before she starts laughing. She feels George’s hands tighten against her thighs, hyperaware of his touch on her skin and she grabs one of his hands. “I didn’t actually know his name. I was pretending he was you.”

She says it so softly she wouldn’t be shocked if he missed it, but he didn’t. He hangs to every word she says, he always does and when he smiles, Y/N feels herself relax. “I was using Bianca to make you jealous,” he admits, laughing to himself. He knew the pair of them were being stupid, that they could have just talked but the fear of rejection clearly got the best of both of them. 

“I’ve liked you for so long, and maybe I shouldn't have put friends with benefits on the table knowing that, but I needed you.” He’s never spoken truer words, his left hand leaving her thigh and gently caressing her cheek. Her makeups smudged from both the sweat from dancing and the desperation from not even five minutes ago, her hairs messy and her lips are swollen just as much as his but he wants to take her home, right this second, and show her in so many ways how much he loves her.

“I like you, too.” 

His eyes prick up at her words and he didn’t realise he wasn’t holding eye contact until now. She takes her own left hand and mirrors George’s action on himself; hoping to convey everything she’s felt for him through nothing but looks. “I had to back away last week, I thought I had to get over you. Angie said some dumb shit and I started to overthink and I’m so-”

He cuts her off with a kiss and it’s so different to their usual ones. It’s soft and gentle like they could stay here for hours doing nothing but kissing and they’d be perfectly content. George pulls her body closer to his, desperate just to have her near when he pulls away, pressing his forward to hers. “Don’t say sorry, please.” 

She opens her mouth again to speak and that’s when he cuts her off again, with another kiss. This happens a few times before Y/N is a giggling mess and George is just kissing her for the sake of having their lips pressed together. “We know now, that’s all I care about.” 

This makes her smile and her heart soar; the boy she’s loved for so long, liking her back once felt like it could only be a dream, and she has to pinch herself multiple times before she finally believes it’s her reality.

They soon realise they’ve been standing in this dirty, bar bathroom for way too long and George helps her down, grabbing her by the hips to stabilise her when her legs slightly give out. He takes her hand in his, softly kissing her knuckles before he opens the bathroom door to sneak out. “My place or yours?” he asks, but he quickly stops, “I’m not expecting to fuck, but like I mean if it happens it happens but- Godric, we can just hang out I’m happy with that unless you want to fuck-”

Y/N’s giggling at his stumbling around on words and she shushes him slightly, his face going bright red when she's the one leaning to press a chaste kiss to his lips. His face is bright red when she speaks, “My place. I live alone.” she winks and runs off after saying this, George hot on her tails and even though there’s music and George’s favourite song is playing, Y/N’s laugh as he chases her out of the bar is his favourite noise. 

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: CSA; asian fetishization, particularly sexualization of asian women; incest, incestuous sexual abuse; abusive relationships; grooming; 'weeaboo' behavior; self harm

looking for advice? support? idk i'm just so upset

i have DID and ptsd and i think a lot of it is connected to my white dad who was very fetishistic about asian women (my mom is asian) and would sexualize me as a child and also touch me inappropriately. i remember when i was a child (10 years) him talking about how apparently all men know that the specific mix of ethnicities i am is the most attractive. he also sexually mistreated me and i know wanted a female child (i was afab) so i can't help but think i was brought into the world becasue of the sex fantasy of my father who was trying to make the optimal sex race in his eyes. i'm trying to understand the concept of consent and other things now (i did not know i had a right to reject sexual advances or much of any other rights at all) and i'm having trouble adjusting to the world, although it is much better than the world at home.

one thing that keeps bothering me is 'weeaboos,' white people who are seemingly quite proud to proclaim their love of 'japanese culture' as a thin veil for fetishization. it's so common and widespread and in my living situation in college i encounter so many images of sexualized, often childlike or explicitly child characters, anime drawings. it really upsets me and my brain fog is so bad it's hard to explain why these things are wrong and perpetuate the same type of sexual violence that ruined my life. things were so much worse before, why does this bother me so much? i just feel unsafe i guess and things upset me more now that i know i'm supposed to have rights. the worst thing is sometimes it's inarticulatable. for example what caused me to have bad dissociation and flashbacks today were posters for some sort of 'cat maid' performance, with a 'anime' girl in a maid outfit. i don't know how to explain how i KNOW that this comes from fetishization of asian women! i just KNOW! and it upsets me because i can't explain. i hate that white people expect me to be polite and bring it up to them instead of tearing it down myself, they want me to politely debate them when im the one who hurts so bad trying to talk about it, it affects me not them. (this happened before)

i just feel so unsafe and when i have gone to multiple of my friends for support, they stop responding to me after i talk about being sexually abused as a child. it's like i disgust them. i hate myself so much and no one will help me. i feel so alone. and i hate therapists more than anyone, i have gone to over 7 therapists and i hated all of them.. they don't understand my experiences or respect me. it's so hard to reach out to friends and talk about what i've gone through and i don't know what to do that they ignore me. and the friends who do respond to me only respond to my messages after i mention something else- usually a favor i can do for them. it's so hard to trust anyone and i've had my trust betrayed several times. the only thing i can think of to do is self harm. i've been through too much in my life and i can't handle it anymore. i have so little support in my life to the point where i desparately miss the 30+ year old white man who groomed me when i was 16 and want to talk to him. i feel like there is no one i can trust but i crave going back to people who hurt me

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you, as well as what you've been going through more recently.

It makes sense why those portrayals are bothersome and perhaps even triggering for you. It reminds you of the way you believe your dad wanted you to be. I can see how being calm and collected feels impossible when it's so brazenly reminiscent of your trauma.

It sounds like many people in your life you tried talking to about your trauma, friends and therapists, weren't equipped with the proper emotional response and multicultural approach that you were looking for. They simply weren't understanding enough and you felt invisible. You don't deserve to feel that way.

I hope that you find people to surround yourself with that do make you feel seen and heard as a survivor, and can respect your thoughts on asian fetishization.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[misterbitches]

W.E.B. DuBois Criteria of Negro Art

Pinned post? This is who I am and what influences me so know b4 u get caught off guard:

I am a black anarchist communist [feminist] filmmaker and artist (with some cool shit to show for it!), a young millenial and it shows with how much i hate the world and must rebuild anew. As an artist, I have a deep deep DEEEEP critique of how we articulate and interpret critcism of anything PARTICULARLY cultural output and “media” and how that relates to our entrenchment. I hate rich people and I am not joking, i hate the state, i hate empire. What we have been ingesting is also propaganda so even with my enjoyment i will—must—talk about it. Everything we do has meaning. I will never vote in an american federal election again ever in my life and i take the idea of change, revolution, very very very seriously and yes my place in it. I do some organizing irl and am a part of “left” spaces.

That, my blackness, and bisexuality—which i am proud of despite everyone including “my own community” not wanting me to be and which i am absolutely going to talk about more wrt these shows—are integral to me as an artist and how i go about finding courage and getting over fear. I don’t pull punches if i think something isn’t right but i’m open to being corrected when necessary. Even if this is just some dumb blog where i can come back to it when i find something interesting that i want to see more of im STILL going to be this person. and this commitment and fear of future has gotten deeper since 10/7, one of the greatest modern resistance projects we have ever seen and one that has deeply moved me. so I take the WEB DuBois quote with the utmost sincerity.

My love of the world means that everything means something and i want to truly enjoy life not merely as a spectator. If you are looking for someone easy and fun i am that and quite naturally youthful but my values are so much a part of me ans my principles as a black anarchist come and love of this universe and yes my anger? Come first.

I am not an apolitical person and neither are you. (nor is that thing ur watching! it serves a purpose!) I never have been, i never will be, and my existence as an artist means i have no interest in pretending anything else is not either. Take what you will from that but that’s how i approach whatever the fuck youll see here. I am also very funny and pretty and pretty talented :)

🇵🇸 🇸🇩 🇭🇹 🇨🇺 🇳🇨 🇨🇩

hey you, you're way ahead of me, you're drunk on apathy

hey you, so bored and cynical. it's fucking wonderful they sold you out! and, oh, they've bought and sold it all it's gone! they've taken it and built a mall! and now they're playing your song!

[mrkcore]

in light of this situation that has happened in atlanta recently, i’ve been a bit scared to speak up, but i really want to talk about the situations of asian immigrants in these western countries. 

even though i’m not an asian american, as an asian canadian, seeing these things happen to asians everywhere hurts my heart deeply.

in chinese, america is “美国”, literally meaning “beautiful country”. 

so many asians immigrate to america with absolutely nothing. no english-speaking skills, no friends or family, no home, no income, and building a family there. taking your child with the hopes of them being able to be successful and have a better life. leaving your homeland with the “american dream”, sacrificing everything you had for the future of your children. 

usually balancing 2 or more jobs to even stay afloat, for non-asian to create this “model minority myth” really ignores and puts aside all of the hardships and sacrifices asian individuals had to endure. “asians are so diligent, they work hard, don’t complain, and stay silent.”; not only being silent because they couldn’t speak up, but diminishing all of the efforts they’ve put in to actually support their families, to have a good job, to get a good education, etc. (don’t even get me started on how this phrase also creates so much tension and hatred between different groups)

and all of this hard work only for white people to make fun of our culture, to make fun of our appearance, to fetishize our women, to put us down, is absolutely disgusting.

for the police to be hesitant to label the shooting as a hate crime truly shows how bad the tolerance of xenophobia is. 

these countries create bans and legislations against us, put us in internment camps, hate crime us, when are all of these atrocities going to be recognized? why is the education system not teaching people about these things when asians are such a prominent percentage of their population? why are we just learning about these things from social media infographics? why is our history invisible?

the perpetrator stated himself that he blamed asian women for his “sex addiction” displaying that even now, in times where people say are more “socially advanced”, people are still fetishizing asian women to the standards of “docile”, “quiet”, and “submissive”, still making the generalization that these women are sex workers. this is sickening. the victims were only trying to make money for their families at home to get by. and they were wrongfully taken from them. they won’t be able to see their families again, they won’t see their children graduate, won’t see their grandchildren, will not be able to experience the fullness of life. it was stolen from them. 

i watched this video today, talking about people that tell you to “toughen up” whenever something happens. the person said a really good point, they’re trying to weaken you, trying to silence you. so if you’re infuriated by this recent event, your feelings are valid. even though i personally have not faced super racist incidents, i see all of these people sharing their xenophobic occurrences and events in the news of asian elderly, students, anyone–getting killed, injured, traumatized. my heart goes out to everyone and their families affected. i too always think, “what if that was me?”, or “what if that was my family?”. we live in fear, and our experiences are belittled and our voices are taken away. 

so as a child of an asian canadian immigrant, i am proud to be chinese, to be asian. i am standing up for my parents right now for when they couldn’t. i am angry and i will not be silent any more, my parents did not sacrifice their future for me to be silenced. 

if you’re a non-poc ally that want to help, please listen to all of the experiences people have shared and educate yourself on our history in these countries.

as the new generation, we’re going to fight back until we get the respect we deserve. and we most definitely deserve that respect. so i encourage everyone to do something, even if it’s small. small still goes a long way, especially if everyone is speaking up.

we mourn with the families of the victims of this cruel incident:

Soon Chung Park, age 74

Hyun Jung Grant, age 51

Suncha Kim, age 69

Yong Yue, age 63

Delaina Ashley Yaun, age 33

Paul Andre Michels, age 54

Xiaojie Tan, age 49

Daoyou Feng, age 44

here are some resources for everyone to look at, as well as some gofundmes created by the families of the shooting victims. please take some time to look through them and share them:

gofundme for hyunjung kim - https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-memory-of-hyunjungkim-to-support-my-brother-i

CAA (chinese for affirmative action) website - https://caasf.org/

stop AAPI hate website - https://stopaapihate.org/

stop AAPI hate national report - https://a1w.90d.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/210312-Stop-AAPI-Hate-National-Report-.pdf

jenn im’s instagram post on anti-asian - https://www.instagram.com/p/CMnLjheJ9MJ/?hl=en

gofundme for tu hoang lam - https://www.gofundme.com/f/2awx9r78pc?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer

anti-asian violence carrd - https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co/

self-help resources from northwestern - https://www.northwestern.edu/counseling/self-help-resources/fighting-xenophobia-and-anti-asian-racism.html

a tumblr post with lots of other links to resources - https://donkuroo.tumblr.com/post/644675764167524352/important-please-read-if-you-care-about-the-asian

so many other ones, but i couldn’t link them all, but please check them out yourself :)

i hope everyone is doing okay during these hard times, and always remember that you are valid, your feelings are valid, and make sure to take care of yourself first. my blog is a safe place for everyone, so if you need any place to release all of these emotions you’re feeling, i welcome you with open arms. whether that is with a private message, ask, or an ask on anon, please do not hesitate to reach out. <3