#but im getting depressed again too
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@midoyuzuweek day 7 | christmas / wedding / free day
mdyz christmases you will always mean everything to me. decided to give lineless art a shot again after how many years and it was pretty fun!! also i lied when i said the ghostic piece was my favorite actually cause this was extremely fun to draw
ideally this wouldve been the last day but because i am sick and twisted theres one more tomorrow 👍 beware
#duck scribbles#enstars#mdyzweek2025#midoyuzu#yuzuru fushimi#midori takamine#yuzumido#ensemble stars#the depression is eating me alive i think and this week has been some solace but if i go missing for a while dont worry too much abt it#xmas live youll always be famous......#last time i tried lineless/smth akin to painting was like 2022?? im pretty sure.but this time it feels a lot more like just regular lineart#with added stuff on top. Lineart Two if you will. and i had an absolute blast (i love lineart)#ink pen my lovely wife i missed you i am so sorry for abandoning you all these years#the art pencil brush is too satisfying ive neglected you for so long in favor of it#also screw you flambe outfit for that annoying design at the back. it got covered up anywaysssss argh#ughhhhhhh i dont wanna do assignments and midterms. i have to lock in again.... i dont wanna....#other than getting to do this ship week its honestly been Incredibly Indescribably Excruciatingly Miserable for me for the last seven#or so days. or i guess its been a few weeks already. this thread is so close to snapping but feck it we ball i guess#at least theres fictional characters to get me through the fact this sorry excuse of a government reinstated martial law#hate it here
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BAD DOGS!!!!
#pjsk#pjsk fanart#akito shinonome#toya aoyagi#akitoya#RARE ARTWORK FROM ME#i think i might stop posting on X as it gets more and more ridiculous... thinking of changing my IGNs across everywhere also#been very busy with life i just battled severe depression for a year im better tho i went for therapy#hows everyone#i want to draw kh too but recently i have been not feeling so inspired.... might have to play the game again
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just tiresome scribblings today...a Slug
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i found one in the kitchen..i was freaked out but the person who owns the house never saw it so they dont quite believe me..#a real lack of concern there.......but it's not my house so ok....#bugs always used to get in my flat when i lived in japan and they were waaaayyy grosser and annoying creatures there so whatever#qifrey called it 'madam' because only girls mess up his floor.#i'm getting annoyed by my art again. getting out scribbles is fun but im too tired to make GOOD ones#maybe the annoyance is good since it shows im recovering from a depression spell enough that im forgetting how much worse not scribbling is#i'm playing edgeworth game so i have drawn some of him too but not enough to post. i love that homosexual man
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SAGESUNE MIKU >:DDD
#i rise from the dead once again!!#sorry about the long periods of time in between me posting#school is absolutely kicking my ass right now and i havent had any time to draw the creatures :(#ive also just been feeling unsatisfied with my art as of late#its probably just too much time online looking at other peoples art making me feel bad about myself#even though im improving as fast as i can it doesnt feel like im getting any better#but i know from experience that that feeling doesnt go away with time#so i guess ill always see flaws in my art no matter how hard i try to get better#man. that got really depressing :/#anyways SAGE!!! i love her she is my favorite of all time and im going to draw her so much yall dont even KNOW :D#ive got tons of other stuff planned too so watch out >:3#i could hit you guys with 6 paragraphs of au lore any day now#sonic the hedgehog#sage robotnik#AWWWHHHGG SHE HAS HER OWN LITTLE TAG IM SOBBING#anyways#sage sonic#hatsune miku#i guess#whoof im scared to post this#or maybe im just exhausted#probably both :/
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therapy, huh
#phrygian#palisade#friends at the table#fatt#rosa art#palisade 20#the worksheet. is also phrygian to be clear like i have to believe that a twilight mirage trained therapist would give out better material#than something i made in 10 minutes.#the branched....... the branched. branched concept of mental health care? who even knows. but it also has to be better.#and they definitly dont have worksheets. phrygian can make a bad one & then not really fill it out. it makes sense to me#i relistened to the therapy session to get the. timeframes saffron mentioned right and its like.wow this got even more depressing#in retrospect.#i tried really hard to make the worksheet look worse by scanning & printing & scanning it again but we JUST got a new printer at work#alas. it works too well.#btw can you tell im having fun with screentones? because i am.#its a nice solution for 'i dont want this in monotone but i ALSO dont want to color'#id in alt text#i hope its fine.#palisade spoilers#but from like 4 episodes ago.im just careful.#i havent listened to the new ep yet idk if ill get to it tomorrow?#MAN............... phrygian : (
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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Got excited to see you in my notifications again. How's it been?
Maybe things will get more lively here. Who knows?
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v ask blog#identity v the embalmer#i was looking through my past posts n i realized that i prefer the lines on my laptop rather than my ipad#so i started up my laptop which i legitimately have not touched in about 2 years#it still works. n it has all of my old settings saved#ngl i almost cried when i drew this. it really feels like reconnecting with an old friend#i was going to go for the simpler purple replies that i used to do. but the wave of nostalgia just pushed me to do a standard one instead#its really been too long. drawing on my ipad cant come close to this feeling#sorry ive just been trying to battle the seasonal depression thats been starting to seep in so im more sentimental than i should be#work as a teacher means that i also get the holidays off. so i have about a month or so to do what i want before work swarms me again#n i want to do things for the blog again#anyway guess we're back for now. sop is ready to be harassed again
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I need to find a good distraction - any book recs?
#im going to start reading again#i just idk i feel maybe seasonal depression setting in#i haven't been feeling very okay lately#gotta get out of this funk before it becomes something deeper#the last time i felt like this reading helped a lot#maybe it will jumpstart my creativity too i feel like everything i write/make lately has been idk just okay#kayla.txt#tbd#maybe ill take some sleeping pills and go to bed
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nui shenanigans
#doodles#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#yuzumido#hi ive been in an absolute Situation lately 👍 gonna drop off the face of the earth again so long fellas#enstars#yuzuru fushimi#midori takamine#what if we had nuis of each other and i made nui me kiss your nui.........#have barely been drawing lately outside of work burnout eating me alive for real 😔#the horrors and depression and dysphoria may be unrelenting but mf so am i!!!!!!!!!#ahhh im behind on comms too i am extremely sorry 🙇♂️ gonna try get on top of those as best as i can#hoping to at least get out of my rut in time for the es rarepair week too tho o9#survived fragrance on engstars w 2 naru copies 👍👍👍 girl help i dojt want to open the game for another month or so but alas. valk ss next#damn im rambling again. anyways aaaaaaaaaaaa i wanna drawi wanna draw
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did i ever tell yall about the fact that i used to cry over not being a single-celled organism
#camera talks#this was 6-7th grade#and around one of the first bad depressive slumps for me#and i think i Genuinely had underlining issues with it bc i really didn't want to feel anything anymore#therefore i should have been a single-celled organism#anyways it was like a whole thing i was. an interesting child#<- nd and no one liked me lmao#but my science teacher knew about it too and it was like a joke between us#anyways was thinking about that again ig. i dont feel like that rn in fact i feel very good <3#other than my stupid migraine which is stopping me from being happier :(#so i think in some universes im a single-celled organism that doesn't get migraines ever and they're sooo cool#(also i think this was an inherently nd moment for me in middle school but anyways)#(most of my friends actually don't know about this either it was kinda a me thing (my cousin knows iirc tho <3))#okay thinking about middle school is bad for me and my migraine is not helping anything sooo byeee have fun with this information mayhaps#might delete later im tired and dontttt know if i make sense at all#<- mgirainae
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(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)
Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did… 💦
My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App
Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)
Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy
Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???
Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,
UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊
my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33
Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy
On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)
#Welcome back to “sydneys yapfest.” Today i bawl my eyes out for 20 minutes and then go back to hide into the catacombs! Oh how fun#And well i guess OFF + DW + STP have been on my mind too lmao- OUH YEAH. I GOT $100 IN ROBUX. Made a looey skin. Teehee!#Uhh i lost a lot of people this year but. Yknow. Most of them were really shitasses! So! Hey! Positivity wins again#<- Like it genuinely does- being around people who are more positive than self depreciative has helped me a lot more in recovering#UMMMM. YEAH. YUH. MMHM. THATS ALL I GOT. Im scared of new years! so ill see you guys next year probably? (LIKE IN JAN)#Thanks for making this year so silly and wonderful ❤️🩹❤️🩹💟💟 ill probably post if i get any asks but therell be more inactivity due -#- to seasonal depression TvT... but ill be better in six months time! June! We got this chat we will NOT let depression kick our asses 🤺🤺#Ok yeah thats all for now- YAHOO! Someone hold my hand for the next few days im Deeply Terrified Of New Years Countdowns#sydneys thoughts
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*wakes you up in the middle of the night at the sleepover again* yeah but like, even though she can’t really fully relate, marceline is kind of the best person to be actually effectively emotionally supportive to simon, right? she’s had absurdly fucked up things happened to her and had to learn how to live with it too. like largely the idea of stakes is “marceline had this super traumatic thing happen to her and she has to accept it as part of her and learn how to live with it in a way that’s healthy for her”. they’re in pretty different boats but simon still probably has more similar life experiences to her than to anyone else. and marcy always wanted to help him. however unfortunately he can’t stop seeing her as someone he has to protect and keep happy. he doesn’t want to “freak her out”.
#simonnnnnnnnn!!!! shes the only person whos had a life as insane and fucked up as yours#simon she has had 2 experience the trauma and the emotional dysregulation and The Various Horrors too#shes not gonna be so distressed by ur clinical depression and terrible coping mechanisms that she wont be able to handle it#im sure were gonna get to see them interact again [clinks glasses] heres 2 getting a scene where they havea genuine conversation.#and marcy tries to help. This will not happen for a while tho probably#basilposting#atposting#fionna and cake
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AND I actually do like printmaking, I guess I'm just tired of it. Tired of having to deal with people at school. Tired of it being a performance. When I'm on my own at the atelier I can do that shit for hours and hours, not having to show anyone anything. I guess I used to do it for myself now I do it to get through college and make my family proud or whatever. It got poisoned.
#its almost midnight im being dramatic again#what is a diary? a tumblr blog#ugh it's getting harder to get through#stupid classes and education system#and on top of that my university had to move cuz of some political bullshit and I've been making prints in a container for 6 years#like we are so not free and unhappy here and nobody can do anything about it#i do my part and create art and try to share with my peers so they can do it too but#it's a depressing scene#called#being an art student in Turkey#nero vents
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day seven: birthday
prompt list here
#god im so sorry this one has such a depressing atmosphere to it#🫶 im not doing too good and you can see the drawings get more sad as you progress#hes just like me frfr#again. im so sorry#terukiweek2024#mp100#mob psycho 100#art#sketch#artists on tumblr#vent art#:3 vent art#botato art :D#teruki hanazawa#hanazawa teruki
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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Every grudge that wasn't resolved is hurting at once like scars reacting to a bad weather no matter how much I try to just get distracted with irl activities or something positive, and I don't have anyone to talk about it because people I trust with it are only available when I need to sleep or am at work. I wonder how much longer I can hold it inside before I erupt like a volcano and severity of my negativity leaves everyone within reach with permanent fear of approaching me with ten yards distance 🤔
#/vent#personal#hopefully one of two things prevents this either:#1) a more 'serious' problem forces me to swim out from the depts of my depression and struggle or#2) I find someone to talk to in the RIGHT moment#curse of bad timezone and literally every irl friend changing cities if not countries#I am all alone...#not knowing how to make it stop#I have strong negative breakdowns only once in a while#I wish I could vent more 'harmonically' or forgive people even if they haven't payed or apologized#instead of the 'volcano' thing#well if it really gets bad I'll get into urgent hiatus again#I also hate how because of personality fracture it is another alter that absorbs every positive-#-stimul like a parasite right now#usually I sprout and lose alters like malenia but some stick around for a bit#maybe Im also about to fall out I don't know#right now it is just too much gravity to get out of my own head no matter what I do#all I can think about is my million bad memories until it just stops already
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