#but if youre kind of a basic and boring bitch like i am i hope u enjoy

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 349

ok so i rambled a little in the tags on my arafef post and a few of yall expressed interest in a headcanon chart SO. here it is.

like i said in the tags, i placed karkat (and limebloods if you want to extend it to that) at average human height: 5'6" not accounting for gender differences. everybody below that point on the spectrum is progressively a little smaller, and everyone above it is progressively taller.

I don't exactly subscribe to the "trolls are constantly growing like lobsters so if they live long enough they just get HUGE" headcanon, but I do think that having an extended lifespan allows highbloods to like... space their growth out over a longer period of time, so they can afford to do more of it without experiencing wild growing pains.

Also, I don't think fuschiabloods can grow literally forever. I think there's probably a point at which they max out, similar to humans with gigantism. At a certain height, we just start collapsing under our own weight, which leads to health concerns if you are significantly taller than average. I just imagine that upper limit to be higher for trolls, since i feel like they're implied to be a little sturdier than humans are.

And speaking of averages, that's all this chart is showing. There's obviously wiggle room within each caste, and some of them overlap with each other. Like, a tall rustblood and a short jadeblood could totally be the same height, or the rustblood could even outgrow the jadeblood. just kinda depends on the individual.

[mihai-florescu]

Sorry to barge into your inbox but I love your takes on the cisbend stuff, it feels like there's little to no acknowledgement of how many different angles you can look at it from and it makes it (almost) impossible to judge other people's cisbends if you don't know Which angle they're doing it from…

Like, "what if the character themself was the same, but their agab - and, consequently, how the world treats them - was different?" is different to "what if every aspect of the character relating to their gender was 'flipped'?" is different to "if the characters agab was different, how would they change to have the same narrative and themes?" is different to "what if enstars was a danseimuke instead of a joseimuke?" (<- not entirely sure I'm using those right but hopefully you get what I mean) And looking at "genderbends" in general these are of course also all different to "what if this character transitioned?"

And there can be overlap between those angles, or different interpretations within the same angle, and there are probably more angles than the ones I listed. Since gender is so varied, and it's not like male and female are strictly opposites, I think it's very fun to think about!!! The variance they can have feels very underutilised to me… I think people also tend to worry about changing the character too much, but differ depending on whether they're more worried about changing the Personality/Interests or the Narrative/Themes. Now that I think about it it might be a kind of Watsonian vs Doylist thing? Sort of?

I could go on but if I do I'll never stop 🫡 ALSO TO BE CLEAR this isn't meant to be like passive aggressive(?) to the other asks this stuff just gets my brain going. Oh and I hope you have fun with the rest of ms2 when you get to it!!!

YES sorry it took me so long to answer this ask even though i dont have anything much to add regardless, i was on that ms2 insanity grind🙏 i love the observation of the watsonian/doylist perspective actually, i hadnt considered it but it does make sense nodnod, thank you for barging into my inbox!

I think the first step in approaching a cisbend should be regarding the role so you then know how to continue. What do you prioritize? Seeing what new story would develop had x character had a different gender assigned at birth, or playing around with how they could follow the same narrative and evolution as in canon but from a different starting point? I think both are worthy imagination exercises that could even result in new ocs and interests for the individual... i care about things hypothetically. I care about the idea of things. I dont really have skin in the game myself, i am more fascinated in what goes on behind the scenes of a person's au more so than the result. I think that's why i like cisbends now, i see them as a glimpse into people's imagination. Of course im still a hater and am bored by the basic cookie cutter hourglass long hair no story no point other than to be hot designs. But those say something about the person too dont they... maybe not! Maybe im just an overly judgemental bitch that looks too much into stuff. My sense of reality and perception of other ppl as real has been funny lately. Slash neg

[indirecticn]

just as info... because im a bitch who has to over explain everything...

i am on like, not semi hiatus but def. semi slow down for a bit and here's why. under the cut is a lot of boring work garbage, feel free to ignore lol

ok SO here's the thing

i think i mentioned it before but like a month or two ago my company fired five people, four of which were like directly in my operations group. we are a bulk liquid e.xport team that specializes in fle.xi bags being loaded like... well, with bulk liquids lmao. its not super hard but it is TEDIOUS as fuck what i have to do on a daily basis.

i have direct contact with suppliers and traders purchasing from suppliers and i coordinate the full movement of product so basically customer tells me: i need X amt of product moved from point a in the usa to point b in the world. they specify, often, the particulars of like.. what steamship lines to use based on rate, or like on end destination preferences, and they expect us to typically coordinate the trucker to pick up food grade containers that then live load or transload at a supplier's plant and then get ingated back into whatever port terminal to get on a vessel and make specific arrival times at their end destination.

like idk some of u might even be in this industry too, so u kno what i mean.

the PROBLEM is that i am expected to get the booking with the ssl, coordinate the trucker, make sure the product gets loaded both within the customer's expected window + within a window where containers can be ingated against said booking's vessel, with OUT additional cost (so things can't sit on yards and get storage or detention for drivers or have additional legs in the trucking which means more money to pay trucker ect ect) and i have to load the amount the customer requests AND

Sometimes the product has to go on rail and that has specific regulations and sometimes the product is hazardous and has to be pre approved on the SSL to even be booked but the customer sent a request asking to load the next week so they get mad you dont get a confirmation within the same day because the haz approval has to be granted by the transhipment port half way across the world too because SOME ports don't take haz and some do but only certain kinds and and and and....

sometimes there is a vessel congestion in the ports or bad weather that shuts down ports or plants, or sometimes drivers have mechnical issues or just miss their fkn appts to load or show up with wrong equipment or ... or there is no container your driver can find because the ssl is out of them at that particular port location or...

yeah.

and so take that and then give me one account that is incredibly picky, sends requests last minute, mostly of randomly haz bullshit, and expects u to lick their boots....

and then another account where i am expected to maintain a perfect constant flow of bookings out of four different ports and the amount expected is like... ohhh 28 a week out of one, 10 out of another, 20 out of two others... and THEN that same customer sends you 75 FUCKING RAILCARS TO ONE SINGLE RAILSPUR/TRUCKER THAT CAN ONLY TRANSLOAD TWO A DAY, MAYBE FOUR TOPS, AND and your boss told them that there would be NO storage charged back to them so you have to now hope to god all the railcars dont show up at once because then you have to meet that four day vessel window and at MOST can load out like 10 of the railcars, if that, if you are lucky with perfect conditions but WHOOPS ALL 75 ARE THERE AT ONCE SO ACTUALLY fuck your life you get storage on 65 railcars and it shows on YOUR account that you lost money

and also?

you have to do the customs filing and documentation for destination arrival and have a window for that too and must have the info perfect or there is charges for fucking it up or containers getting stuck in customs at the destination...

yeah.

my co workers are overwhelmed and they have like maybe 60 containers on their desk a month?

my fucking dumb ass customer gives me a total currently of 450.

and yes, they fired people so i dont have a lot of back up until they hire someone new to take over this single stupid account so i can focus on others.

ive been working from like 6am to 7pm if not later because of this. im looking at other jobs but nothing pays as well currently and i technically like my team its just frustrating because ... yeah.

i hate this industry. i haaaaate it. supposedly im good at it but i dont care. i just want to survive having to pay rent or car payments and getting food, you know?

and i want to be able to do what i love which is write... and this job is melting my brain and just got exponentially more ugly within the last two weeks.

so anyway thats where im at and until i either change jobs or my desk chills out or they hire someone OR i get back on my adhd meds (lol that is really NOT helping to be off of them) im going to be slow.

but whatever, yall are great and i know those that want to will stick around so i appreciate you

thanks for coming to my ted talk bye

[rosebushstuff]

The Bitch With The Same Name As Me

Francis was sitting in class, bored out of his mind. He ran a hand through his slightly disheveled brown hair, which he hadn't combed because, well, he woke up 30 minutes before school started and he'd somehow rushed here in a not-so-good mood. So there he sat, in the classroom, staring at his desk. There was nothing particularly interesting about the greenish-blue colour of the wooden table, but Francis stared anyway, thinking about his history homework and how he really didn't give a shit about World War II.

Francis was starting to doze off, tired after a lot of work (if work means playing video games until 3 in the morning), when suddenly he heard a noise. He looked up and saw a blonde-haired man wearing blue-tinted sunglasses entering the room. It took him a second to realise it was PC Principal, and a slight bout of irritation flared up in his mind. After all, that was the guy who'd consider anything you said a microagression, and Francis thought of him to be nothing more than an annoying tryhard piece of shit. "What's the guy got to say this time?", he thought to himself.

The middle-aged man cleared his throat before going on. "Kids, you all should know that this weekend is the special-ed science fair. And, uh..." PC Principal flipped through a document before looking back up again. "Someone called Francis Myers has been selected to be one of the judges at the science fair. Is there a Francis Myers in this class?"

Francis, on hearing his name, jumped up. "Uhh, I'm Francis Myers." He said sheepishly.

"Alright then. Please show up at the venue of the science fair at 11:30 AM on Saturday, and don't be late." He said, before leaving the classroom, and leaving an extremely bummed out Francis behind.

Fucking bullshit...

On Saturday, Francis was at the science fair, waiting for it to begin. He felt...bored. Mind-numbingly bored. That was something Francis felt often, but now he was feeling it ten times worse than he usually did, when he suddenly saw somebody walking up to him. Francis blinked a few times and looked at the person.

It was a girl, with short red hair, and she was wearing a pristine-white lab coat. Her blue eyes met Francis's hazel green, and for the first time ever Francis felt his heart skip a beat. What the fuck?

"Hi." The girl said to him, and Francis snapped out of his slightly lovestruck daze. "Hey." He replied back in a tone he hoped was chill enough for the girl to think he was cool. "You're one of the judges at the science fair, right?"

"Yes...I am." He said, but he was distracted by how... cute she was. She has little freckles underneath her eyes, one of which was squinted, and she had red hair. Francis always had a thing for redheads, although he'd dated a few brunettes before, and the red complimented her face perfectly, but just as Francis was looking at her like a lost puppy, she said something again.

"What's your name?"

Francis had almost forgotten his name for a second because of the slight nervousness he felt but he went ahead anyway. "It's, uh, Francis. Yeah." He sputtered, and the girl giggles a little. "Oh, wow, my name's Francis too. Nice to meet you, Francis."

"... Nice to meet you too, Francis." He said, and the girl laughed again. Francis couldn't help but think her laugh was sweet.

Just then, the science fair began, and Francis went to judge the projects.

There were tons of them, ranging from an impressive machine that could use solar energy and convert it into battery to charge electric cars, to a piece of...burnt toast. Someone called Mimsy had submitted that, and Francis rated it a 1. Francis was starting to feel that sense of boredom again, when suddenly that pretty red-haired girl walked up and showed her project off. It was kind of basic - a Coke and Mentos volcano, and the two other judges rated it a 5, but seeing her bright, radiant smile as she explained her project was enough for Francis to rate her a 10.

Francis, (the red-haired girl, to be precise) beamed at her rating, but...she didn't win. Some kid called Jimmy did. She seemed slightly dissapointed, and Francis noticed that. He walked up to her and tried to break the ice.

"Uh...hey. You look kinda sad." He said. "Don't worry, there's always next time. I think your project is pretty cool."

"Really?" She perked up. "Thanks."

Francis decided to bite the bullet and ask her out. "So...uh...any plans later today?" He said, his eyes darting around the room nervously, but surprisingly..

"No, not really." She said. This was his chance!

"Wanna go to the movies with me later today?" He said. He'd have to use that extra ticket for Francis, making a mental note to apologise to Brimmy..."It's a Terrance and Phillip movie, so, I get if you don't want to-"

"Are you kidding? I love Terrance and Phillip! Of course I'll go!" She said. Francis noticed the slight blush on her face, and he smiled at her, and she smiled back.

Suddenly, she said something again. She tucked a strand of her bright red hair behind her ear before going on. "Uh... this is the first time a guy has asked me out before." She said.

"Really?" He tilted his head in curiosity. "You're a pretty girl. I wonder why." Francis's face became just as red as her hair. "You're way too nice, Francis." She half-whispered.

Maybe judging at the science fair wasn't that bad after all.

Wow, to be honest I didnt expect someone to make a fanfic based on one of my posts but thanks!

[anxresi]

Somehow, I can tell who wrote the script for ‘Derision’...

...The latest leaked script for the bastion of security which is Miraculous Ladybug.

I’ll spare you the predictable scenes set in flashback where Chloe (with the help of that gullible lug Kim and willing assistant Sabrina) covers everyone’s favorite blunette in spiders (didn’t Zoe get cockroaches put in her locker too? WTF is it with this show which considers insects the epitome of bullying?) and covers her ass with green paint (hey, it could’ve been worst! It could’ve been gum... oh.)

The part where it REALLY shows Mr Astruc’s handiwork and how he’s far more manipulative than even Chloe could ever hope to be, stands out in this particular shining moment... 

1. WTF is ‘Rosita’? Is this the Mexican dub, or something?

2. OOH THOMAS YOU SO META WITH YOUR BLATANT EXPOSITION!! But really, you’re using an argument against Chloe fans rivalled only in its disingenuousness by its pure straw man...ibility.

My beef with you regarding Chloe’s development isn’t ‘E-v-i-l people using bad parental treatment as an excuse for their misdeeds’ and more ‘Leading us on a wild goose chase with HOURS of episodes showing Chloe growing both as a person and a superhero, only to abandon all that suddenly to turn her into a wannabe terrorist and psychopath overnight’. Check out TV Tropes. Alpha Bitches do not generally turn from Lovable Alpha Bitches to Complete Monsters in the space of one episode, do they? (Unless of course, you want us all to kneel at the altar of that vast expanse of blandness known as Zoe, but that’s another story...) 

Ways it could’ve been done better: SHOW us during S1 and S2 that Chloe is capable of the mindless thuggery we’ve seen of her more recently. If you’re going to show her pull a Heel-Heel-Face-Turn, do it GRADUALLY in a realistic fashion, don’t just dump it all at the end of S3 by pretending her budding development never happened. And if Zoe was REALLY ‘the true holder of the Bee Miraculous’, how come her name was never even mentioned until the early parts of S4?! I think we’re talking about less of a character here, and more of a placeholder introduced to take on Chloe’s role as a hero because you don’t like her. (Zoe getting Pollen after one-and-a-half episodes was ‘utterly ridiculous’ too, as will be her becoming Chat Noir briefly in a future show(!) But again., that’s a discussion for another time.)

Basically Mr A, you can heap as many humiliating ‘punishments’ upon Chloe as much as you want. Mutilate her once-halfway-complex and potential-filled personality by increasingly marking her as one-dimensionally e-v-i-l to your heart’s content. Insert as much clunky dialogue from the mouths of other characters to get back at your ‘haterz’ if it makes you feel better. Even set entire episodes set in the past designed to make people hate her as much as you do... hey, it’s your show!

But don’t try to pretend any of this was planned. Along with the reasons given above, I don’t think if all this was intended from the beginning, such a MEGA surplus of Queen Bee and Chloe toys would’ve been released... if they always intended her to be one of the most despised characters. It was all done because one man’s blind hatred of a fictional teenager hi-jacked the plot and derailed it from what it could’ve been. At one point at the end of S2, things were ticking along quite nicely. Then YOU got much more heavily involved in the show’s writing... and the rest, as they say, is history.

And no, I am NOT devaluing Marinette’s in-story bullying. I’m more criticizing Thomas’s shameless weaponizing of it to turn this episode into yet ANOTHER stick to beat Chloe with. It disgusts me more and more, to see him paint (pun not intended) a young child as some kind of irredeemable hellspawn incarnate to prop up the kudos of the stereotypically ‘nice’ girl characters around her. Sorry... Marinette, Mylene, Rose and ESPECIALLY Zoe. You’re just boring. CHLOE FAN FOREVER!! :D

So, to conclude... my main reaction to Derision... is complete and utter derision. Just not in the way they intended... ;)

(Someone just left a comment pointing out Mylene’s mother abandoned her. Figures only Thomas would use a side character’s misery as yet ANOTHER excuse to get back at Miss Bourgeois. What’s the betting that this now canonical detail was only put in to denigrate Chloe more? After all, he introduced an entire character for this very purpose, so I wouldn’t put ANYTHING past him now...) :p

[eluvixnsarchived]

no one asked for it but since i am trapped beneath a cat who is biting me every time i try to end this cuddle session here is some haylin lore

- comes from a pirate hyur mother and an elezen gridanian father

- has an older brother that got smoked with their father during the calamity when he was fighting on the frontlines

- has no contact with ma bc ma abandoned them

- came to gridania hoping to find some sort of life and home but instead found ghosts and ruin

- would never have gone down the path of adventurer if she wasnt so in need of a few bucks

- only went with yda and paps and to the waking sands bc she needed that cash money your girl was BROKE

- stayed with the scions bc of minf and her understanding of the echo

- got super attached to alphie bc she missed the sibling feeling and only continued to stay for him

- and bc she thought thancred was tasty

- and bc where else would she fucking go at this point

- DEFINITELY had a few choice words for lahabrea when the big reveal happened and definitely told alphie if he strayed too far from her side she would drag him around by his ankles

- definitely wanted g'raha during the crystal tower quests and definitely cried a bit when they were over

- canonly bothers urianger when she's bored and he knows this but humours her anyway bc he eventually peaks her curiosity and he knows this dumb bitch cant resist acting on it so now he can infodump all he wants and shes just chin in hands the whole time bc shes basically learning history tea

- definitely has not recovered from the vault and the crippling guilt

- definitely cornered hancock when he first showed up and told him if he fucks with tataru shes gonna serve his balls on a kebab skewer seasoned and fried to him

- the scions have definitely come to her room to go out on jobs and she's definitely opened the door butt ass naked. now they just call over link pearl ( and when she doesnt answer they send y'shtola )

- has thought about how she'd kick the asses of every scion except y'shtola bc even she knows better

- tried to be a white mage like dad and it didnt fit. tried to be a dragoon like brother but it didnt fit. tried to be a warrior to try and connect with her mother but it didnt fit. became a dark knight when the anger she held after the vault kicked in. became a reaper when she figured out being a real warrior of darkness has more appeal than being the golden child of a god who was never there

- the only reason she isnt a mercenary for hire for the highest bidder is bc she loves the scions too much and alphie is her north star

- that being said if she ever lost him or g'raha or thancred or estinien she'd probably kill the source herself bc whats the point in living in it if they're not there any more?

- is v adventurous though like DO NOT ENTER signs are like moth to flame for her shes just too curious she HAS to know

- flirting with nero so he gets uncomfortable and weirded out is her favourite hobby

- she does the same to estinien and this is my reasoning as to why he took so long to join the scions it it wasnt the commitment issues it was fucking haylin lurking in the shadows ready to tell him he holds his rod well

- is alisaie's number one fan she would kill for this kid she would fight anyone

- insists g'raha goes with her everywhere they're joined at the hip she wants him bad

- her crush on thancred turned into 'this is my partner in crime my best friend my brother in arms'

- urianger is her person though

- worships the ground y'shtola walks on like her word is law

- scar across her nose is from wandering too far into the forests alone as a kid and getting smacked by the beasties in there before her brother came to the rescue

- has a multitude of scars from various things and her story for each one is never the truth ( it's easier and better that way )

- you can bet ur ass she tried to see where things would go with aymeric but stopped when she realised he really is that kind and noble and she didnt want to ruin that bc she is utterly convinced she's not worth a damn thing

- which is probably why she throws herself into harms way so willingly. not just for the scions, or the people, or the weak. but bc she thinks she deserves whatever pain is coming

- and because she KNOWS she can take it. she can withstand it

- she's just too stubborn to not stand up again after it

[seancamerons]

i really dont like the fb fandom for degrassi. i regret joining. its not fun. i just got desperate for community and like this was like a mistake. im done with this kind of behavior this girl had.

In one of these stupid ass groups, I think I've met the mosts meanest nastiest bitch in the world, can't relate. How dare you? Come bullying people who like to joke and have fun? Ew. Nasty writing indirectly like fu, don't get cocky with me. I'm not cool with people poking fun at others. I'm aware im friggin ugly as hell but you know what? I don't care she don't live anywhere near me but now she's nothing but a memory bc shes blooooocked.

here is the scoop, this one girl tried to be rude to me that i was 'weird' bc i wore a stupid friggin character costume with my bf, unorthodox bc its not a popular show or film franchise or whatever but like ugh shaming people? what is with you, boring bitch?

tell that to all the moanas, disney dressed, superhero, queens and kings, Harley Quinn and Barbie's walking around this week! Just because I made my costume kind of out of odds and ends doesn't mean shit. If you got nothing nice to say leave me alone, your opinion is invalid I don't care, but that was out of line. Blocked. I have half the the mind to contact the moderator to get me out of that nasty group of stupid ass people. Ugh I hate being mad about stupid shit but c'mon. i really am starting to be like super hurt and bent outta shape bc i worked really hard and like i was just trying to have a teeny bit of fun. I don't even know. I hope she ain't on here. She seems more casual bc whatever.

I been around this for 84 years, half of my life (exaggerated) but basically i know shit, you don't and it shouldb't be this serious but shaming people isn't nice. I'm trying to be a nice person keep the piece she is disturbing my peace and i just wanted to show off a fun thing I did. Ugh people. I do not wanna be in a group with this girl bitching about something so ridiculous and making me all hot and angry maybe this is why I almost never do shit or open up about anything I'm about to blow a gasket over a basic bitch!

She got blocked hope I don't see nothing, even if she did like semma/sean/emma or whatever i don't wanna know. Leave me alone or I'll report your ass. I had to block 3 people today, 3 I do not care. Don't push me I will.

I am done with people who do not give a fuck about me, pardon my french. Do me a favor and lay tf off or you're blocked. I will not respond. You will be insignificant.

I am very pssionate about things i like. Do not make me an enemy. I will go to literal war. I do not care. Understand? Ughhhhh I hate this.

so you're blocked if you say anything neg, i have no room in my life for people being nasty for the sake of being nasty. stop being mean girls, this isn't 2004. support ladies, don't be a bitch bc you don't have fun, and shit on others parade.

that is a double negative, you are a double negative and you're raining on my love parade. or something like that.

[foxfairy06]

HIIIII poookkksss its ollie, u banned me so ill yell at you on tumbllrrr <33333. YOU ARE A JOKKKE. "No cause i literally got diagnosed on the phone but ok hunn go off". okay sure, seriously doubtful because you could lie over the phone... did you know that... bet you didnt. anyway. like thats your reply to what u actually have to do to get a diagnosis, so your over the phone shit is actual bullshit. like its not covid no reason to do that, and also they need to see you in person and have you explain how your feeling aswell as your movements and the way that you respond to questions to get a diagnosis, or they will ask your family and friends or your teaching if they have noticed behavior that is needed for your diagnosis. so BULLSHIT BULLSHIT :333. Telling me to touch grass, god you so basic oml. also calling me a hypocrite when your a literal exclusionist , which you get to decide what is and isnt in the lgbtqia+ community is hypocrisy. from the merriam webster "a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings" and something you said in our messages, "The basis is lgbt topics. It's meant to be a place for lgbt exclusionists to gather" you say you support ppl of lgbtq but if they dont meet your criteria or if you dont think their queer you exclude them. thats hypocrisy. anyway hope you actually get the help you need so you can WAKE THE FUCK UP for you stupidity <3 which i will continue to state because my proof above proves it <3.

-ollie p.s you are still a ball of sperm we all are its not rude its a literal fact

p.p.s if you bring up what i said in the server here is a message i sent to you "i was spewing BULLSHIT" which you know is because i am a troll and i was gathering dirt on you pooks

p.p.p.s i have screenshotted all of out chats <3 karmas a bitch she is coming for you.

Karma for??? Being a good person? I didn't say anything rude, homophobic, or bad to you so you have no actual leverage here. That's like saying "i took screenshots so karma is coming for you<3" to the poor child you just harassed that eas being respectful and kind to you the whole time.

For those who don't understand, green text to the rescue!

> be ollie

> be sitting at your moms computer, bored

> decide your life isn't angry enough

> create an entire Tumblr spewing radmed shit thinking transmeds will follow you

> find a transmed with a server

> start saying super homophobic shit and harass everyone

> get muted for being homophobic and transphobic and harassing people

> message all the mods and call them names for muting your

> admit you were trolling then scream and cry at the owner for being transmed while calling him names and making strawmen and adhominem

> get banned

> still be a pissbaby who can't stop being angry with his life

> decide touching grass is too much

> go leave a novel of an ask under the owners Tumblr that makes several assumptions and zero sense then question their means of diagnosis.

For those who don't have context, i am trans, I am duosex, I went to a therapy place for free, and saw a therapist. He immediately started going through the criteria for dysphoria because I asked but we ran out of time. So I'm getting my diagnosis finished over the phone. It took me two appointments and $0 to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis. So stop acting like this is difficult or hurting anyone.

It's not hypocrisy to provide a safe space for a group and exclude people. You would provide a safe space for enben that has binary people in it? Because they aren't enby. Thus they don't need that space, and could fuck it up.

You're the hypocrite calling me names and crying and screaming at me calling me crazy. Seriously get some help. Therapy is an option. If you don't feel safe in your current mental state you could always check in at an ER and tell them you need help. You could also look around. Many places provide therapy for free. Utilize these resources and stop harassing strangers online. I hope that goes well for you.

[notproofread]

so i finished a court of wings and ruin

man i have so many thoughts i don't even know where to start but this time i made notes while reading so strap in because there is A LOT to say

i'll start with dearest Feyre darling because damn she is one hell of a main character and not in a good way.

The psychological warfare at the beginning of the book? So cool, especially when she was working against ianthe and the hybern-Siblings because it really felt like her feelings towards them were truly justified and the pure dislike made it all the more satisfying when she won against them (especially ianthe that disgusting piece of shit i fucking hate her).

But i am not too much of a fan of the whole "let tamlin and lucien suffer" thing... Or more like her plan to rope in the whole spring Court and basically leave them to die at hyberns mercy very cool feyre you totally are morally superior

actually it kinda feels like she is taking the moral high ground over EVERYONE which... idk girly you are not exactly perfect and flawless either

also ummmm why is the first thing she and rhys do after being re-uinted fukcing? what about your oh so important sisters bestie... i am actually disgusted

after feyre arrives in the night court again she seems off somehow. there is no focus to her character, she is all over the place even. her part in the spring court was so clear, thoughtful and she had a goal. now that she is back in the night court it feels like a lot of building up (but it is rather boring lol)

alsoi need her to stop meddling with other peoples romantic feelings and romantic interests you don't have to force everyone into a relationship especially if they don't want to!!!!!!!

ALSO also start thinking about your actions before you do them. I'm tired of having to read about how she regrets something she did over and over again

the fact that she FORGETS her sisters????? FORGET??? A HUMAN BEING??? HELOO?? especially elain??? wtf how are you not worried to death about your starving, grieving, lovesick, maybe probably traumatized sister(s)???

and besides why does she think so ill of nesta? wow she is smiling? omg i thought she was made of stone?!?!!? (this is sarcasm btw) she says its an "eternal shock" for her to see nesta almost smile wtf she is still your sister that went through trauma since childhood not a monster you found in the fucking woods

why is feyre happy for elain slowly overcoming her trauma but shocked at nesta? i smell favoritism

and AGAIN i hate that she doesn't like to hear/feel/see the consequences of her own actions. like i already said her actions aren't always justified and when she faces repercussions she blocks the images from her mind lol sure okay that's how growing as a character works

example: she starts arguments with other high lords, insults them and gets pissed when they insult back or not jump immediately to her proposition like babe... what did you expect?

im tired of feyre hoping/thinking that everyone will fold backwards for her and rhys. we know that what you are fighting for is right and important but other high lords do not. they are centuries old, ignorant bastards not everyone is a rhys or a tarquin or even a kallias. they will cause problems on purpose, get used to it please or at least stop being overdramatic at every insult they throw your way jesus

unfiltered thoughts after the weird mor-feyre-beef (??): FUCK THIS i am OVER it, i am OVER feyre what in the dumb fuck is this? mor just told you that she was angry with you because you lied to her and rhys and could have been captured or killed by hybern so feyre responds with confronting mor about her feelings ("lies" ok bitch) towards az and helion. what kind of a shit friend are you??? jesus fuck i hate her so much rn

no wtf wtf i cant believe that this is how feyre defends herself??? MORS (romantic) FEELINGS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. YOU VANISHING ON HER AND LYING IS HER BUSINESS. STOP FUCKING MEDDLING WITH EVERYONES ROMANCES AND SORT OUT YOUR OWN FUCKING ISSUES

fuck off

[the-bloody-sadist]

Ah yes, apologies. I definitely didn't mean that as an insult, I tend to that alot, not call people 'bitch' but act like they're my best friend the first time I see them, so really sorry for that, didn't mean it in any kind of insulting way.

I don't really listen to a lot of the artists you listed but Aurora is amazing, she has like a lot of ethereal vibes. I don't know I feel like you'd really like Mitski or Bazzi.

That sounds way harder than going to a university, takes alot of courage and like confidence in yourself I guess. I wanted to do that, but my parents had a pretty bad reaction so never really bought it up again. But like do you have any hobbies? That you do in your spare time?

-ж🖤

Sure, sure, some people probably like that. I do in person, usually (minus the bitch), but not in the internet life. With my heart and soul plastered all over the walls of this place, I infinitely erect more barriers to keep from feeling too vulnerable. Everyone's staring at my open wounds and praising them, after all, and it's...I don't know. There's something that's not exactly the same when people from my audience approach me. It has to be done with more caution for me to welcome it. Otherwise my hackles raise and you get the prickly sides of the Sadist shell.

AURORA is a particular genius of sound, and I'll never not be fascinated by the ways she uses her tricks.

LMAO and no, I do not like Mitski, though there are like four songs of hers that are on my playlist that I enjoy, and the rest are insufferable to my ears. Super interesting lyrics, unsavory use of them for my tastes. Eric is my favorite song of hers. I don't understand (yes I do) why everyone raves about her so much. (They do bc it just has that weird ass "I am an arteest" vibe. Basic bitches love that.)

Dude, Bazzi is so off my radar that I had to check to make sure it wasn't another artist. I haaaate Bazzi. He's exceedingly boring and pop-normative, sooo...nice try, play again sometime? Can you tell I don't like being told what people think I would like? LMAO I think our conversation styles are clashing. No hate to you, personally, trust me.

I have no idea if not attending was harder. Felt easier to me. No extra school, no debt, no small living quarters and crunching for deadlines to work that inevitably would mean nothing in the end. Not worth a piece of paper that might not even do anything for me, imo. More than that, I just knew what I wanted. Always have. I committed.

My brother in christ, my hobbies are what you see on this blog. My spare time--every ounce of it--is spent in the production of my art and my writing. You are LOOKING my hobbies in the EYE. 👁️ I have one other hobby I used to nurse constantly in hopes I could do something productive in the world with it, but I have less access to the things I need for it now and my drive for that subject has mostly been transferred to enjoying it from others instead of trying to turn it into a job like all my other hobbies. (I am a workaholic.)

Anything else I do is drafted into contributing to the making of my art in all its forms, like watching movies and anime until my eyes bleed and my ears ring so I can find that next little seed of an idea to bring my work to life.

[borntoocry]

𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮

summary: indy is a new student that has moved from New York to Virginia. she hates it. until she bumps into a girl she cannot stop drooling over. 

a/n: imagine Bella Ramse as bee. that is my girlfriend. they’re so fine. 

I want to disappear into a hole and never ever come out. I want to wither away in my favorite outfit, and when people discover my body, they’ll see how miserable I was after I moved. The favorite outfit might sound confusing within that sentence, but it just means that I was a beautiful girl with beautiful clothes uprooted into a shitty town with terrible people with terrible senses of style. 

I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be a judgy bitch if I want to make friends, but as of now I don’t want any. I’m fine with only having my company. I have been this way since my friends back home decided to cut off our friendship two months before I left. They said it was because I was leaving soon, but we’re now in the age of phones and FaceTiming doesn’t seem hard. Plus, it isn’t like I moved to Japan where it’d be night time at 10 A.M. in New York. I moved to Virginia. The ride is only six hours. 

Fuck them. I don’t need them anyway. 

I turn into a random hallway on my left and continue to wonder how people have no sense of style. We are only six hours away from New York, where people roam around in a bra and Daisy Dukes. Where people unleash their creativity within their wardrobe. People don’t care wether they look like a clown or look entirely too proper for Times Square; they just dress how they want to dress. I might hate some people’s fashion choices, but it’s fashion to them—something beautiful. Here, it just looks like everyone is wearing the outfit of their nightmares. 

I don’t want to blend in, but my mom told me this morning to not make myself known if I don’t want to make friends. So now I’m wearing a pink shirt with jeans and tennis shoes. A boring outfit that’ll somehow make me stand out; because pink? It’s Wednesday and no one so far has a hint of pink, not even a pair of socks. 

I look into every classroom in the hallway. There are sleeping kids and teachers excited to teach a subject that won’t matter by the time the student is 19. I know, teachers are God’s angels put on earth to fight the demons that are children, but why do many of the best teachers teach the worst subjects?

I asked my mom to place me on online school, simply because it’s my last year and having to meet new people and make a good first impression is a task I don’t want to do. But she said online learning isn’t really learning. It’s some kind of information you take in only to drop it off once you leave your chair. Understandable, but it’s better than going to school. 

A door opens at the end of the hallway and I spot a girl wearing a band T-shirt and a pair of long jean shorts. She has bruises leading down to her mismatched pink and blue socks and beat up white tennis shoes. I look at her soft face and her brown hair that is tied into a low bun. 

I stand frozen. Did the universe listen to me asking for at least someone to wear pink socks? I sure didn’t ask for someone to walk out with an emo t-shirt but I did hope for someone different. And this girl is… definitely different. And too damn attractive for my eyes. 

I back up and prepare my feet to swivel me around and fast-walk around the corner. But right as I tread backwards, a fucking pencil gets in my way. I trip but clutch onto the locker at my side before I fall directly onto the ground. 

“Fuck me,” I comment under my breath. 

A light chuckle comes out of the girl as she walks towards me. She grabs my hand as I am about to straighten up. “You alright?” 

“Yep,” I say. 

“You’re new,” she states.

“Yup,” I answer, although what she says isn’t in the form of a question. “How’d you know?” 

“Even in a basic outfit, me and everyone else here can tell you’re new.” 

“Great,” I mutter, enunciating the T. 

“You were walking away from me though,” she states. “How come?” 

“Scared of you,” I reply. 

“Scared?” she scoffs. 

“You look like those tough skater girls.” 

She looks me up and down and smiles. “I do skate. But I’m not scary.” 

I observe her face: her soft cheeks, slightly crooked bunny teeth, and her bumpy nose I cannot stop staring at. I look away before I have the chance to fall in love with her. I’ve barely started at this school, I cannot fall in love with anyone yet, no matter how much I want to. 

I nod at her words and turn around, hoping she follows behind me. I was down the hallways and hear her worn sneakers along the dirty floor. I find her next to me with her hands in her pockets and her head looking around the hallway—as if she hasn’t walked this hallway thousands of times before. 

“So… where do you come from?” 

“New York?” 

“The city?” 

“Kind of,” I answer. “Born in Long Island. Home is there and all, but I would stay with my mom in Brooklyn. I would stay with my dad during some weekends.” 

“Ah. That’s why your accent isn’t extremely thick.” 

I hum. “And you? Where are you from, skater girl?” 

She laughs. “Here. Born and raised.” 

I turn to look at her. “That’s sad, no?” 

“Yeah, it is. I have some family down in New York, but my mom doesn’t like it when I go.” 

“Why?” I ask, as if her mom has stabbed me in the back. 

“Too many gay people.” 

I scoff. “God, so she might be mad when she finds out one has invaded Virginia?” 

“You’re…” 

“Gay?” I ask. “Yes. Guys don’t do it for me.” 

“Hm.” 

We continue walking down the hallway to the right, and keep walking down until we reach the gymnasium. The sound of basketballs and kids yelling invades my ears and I want to pinch myself back to reality, where I’m in New York trying all kinds of pizza from all kinds of pizza places with Sydnee and James. The same old people I would hang out with every single day. 

“You don’t like it here, do you?” 

“What gave it away?” 

“You’re a sarcastic one, huh?” 

I turn to her and smile. “I don’t want to keep calling you skater girl. What’s your name?” 

“Bee.” 

“Like the buzz buzz bee’s?” 

She nods. “The one’s that make honey,” she chuckles. “And you? What’s your name?” 

“Indy.” 

“Like indie music?” 

“No. Like Lucinda.” Her mouth twitches open and I can tell she wants to laugh. I smirk and look into the big gym filled with musty freshmen. “You can laugh, Honey-Bee.” 

“Honey-Bee?” She whispers, but continues into her laugh. She chuckles, but only a bit. I suppose it’s to not sound like a bitch, but she wouldn’t be one because I’ve allowed her to laugh at my shitty Hispanic name. 

“I hate my name, so after elementary school I made everyone call me Indy. Cut off 90% of my name and switch out the a for a y. Made me look cool, sound it, too.” 

“So you’ve always wanted to be different?” 

My lips tick up into a deep smile. “Yes, I guess so.” 

A moment passes by where we only allow ourselves to look into the gym. The bouncing balls begin to die down and the coach blows her whistle. Even when the kids begin putting all of the cones and mats and balls away, we stare into the buzzing room. 

We enjoy the silence. Up until a loud pair of heels rushes down the hallway and begins to call out Honey-Bee’s name. 

“Bee! Bee, why have you been gone for—“ 

We both turn around and look at her with a smile. It’s a lady in her mid-forties: her orange hair is slicked back into a ponytail and she has on black jeans with a white dress shirt and an itchy-looking cardigan. Why someone would wear heels with such a boring outfit is beyond me, but she looked confident, so I kept back my remarks and facial responses. 

“Hi, miss…” I said. “I’m Indy, short of Lucinda. I’m new and Bee happened to find me lost.” 

She places her hands on her hips and looks at us both. She raises a brow and says, “Are you sure that was all? No funny business?” 

I smile and shake my head. I wish, I want to say, but I stick with, “No ma’am. No funny business.” 

“Good. Then let me take you to the office. Bee can show you around later.” She ticks her head to the side, motioning me to move on forward, and I do, but not without slightly shoving Honey-Bee. 

“I’ll find you. Or ask if you can show me around. Thanks.” 

“Alright Indy. I’ll make sure to find you.” 

[cerulean-chanterelle]

POST TWO OF MY ARO-ACE BLOG: LIBIDO

freud was a bitch ass motherfucker (heh).

on an unrelated note, let's talk about libido!

what is libido?

libido is another name for sex drive, i.e: people's drive to have sex and do other sexual activities! now you might be thinking "as an ace, you dont have that, do you?" and welll...

aces and libido;

libido varies from person to person, but the variation is far more interesting in aces (at least in my opinion). aces themselves may be low, high or somwhere in between when it comes to libido. i personally am somewhere between high and middling, though this isn't as annoying as you might think.

you see, aces still get 'horny' but not really *for* anyone. my body still perks up and feels weird for a little bit, but it's less that your body is like 'this person' or 'this gender' now, and more like: 'something now! no idea what, but something!'.

i've seen better explanations, but basically the drive is still there, the target of that drive isn't. this means that i'll often 'get horny' while i'm doing something and just completely ignore that feeling to keep gaming or whatever cuz i don't feel like doing anything about it lol.

wait, what about sexual frustration?

well, whilst im not sure how various high libido aces feel about sexual release, personally i don't experience any kind of what I've kind of got the gist of as 'sexual frustration'. sometimes ill go a fair while without masturbation and often remember its a thing let alone do it if im having difficulty sleeping or im especially bored or something of the like. i often get 'horny' but can p safely ignore it cuz it straight up isn't a drive for me lol.

again, this is the best i can explain it as a neurodivergent aro-ace, but i hope it was helpful in getting you to understand just a little more! next up: kink's are not attraction!

[angelmelon]

love her but this reminds me of an (honestly petty, you don’t have to take this seriously) complaint I’ve had for awhile

Rusty not knowing. What fucking aesthetic she’s going for with ANYONE

okay so for example; I was tryna get help on GAP designs with my mom once and was going to Blair (not Blaire, obligatory spelling change. Blair Veronica Hromova and Blaire Hopburn are very different characters, establishing this for the inevitable conflation by idiots) and my mother’s first question when I asked for help on her outfit was her aesthetic (or, rather, her “style” as she put it, but she meant the same thing essentially)

I paused for like 20 fucking seconds and said “uh, her inspiration is like….?????” …… “?? Aussie?? Goth beach girl?? Who also dresses like a basic pumpkin spice bitch but with an unusually alt haircut but also she wears a Juicy top once (very much not a 2016 thing, by the way 😭😭)” and then. Eventually, very confused with a wee bit of sweat on her brow, she sends me a picture of her friend over text!! Now I’m gonna do an artistic recreation as to not doxx this woman:

I mean… yeah shows that from a description multiple people can fit it. But at the same time shows that both me AND my mom were really fucking confused upon hearing a description of Blaire

also Poppy being punk is kinda funny to me like she definitely fit it more when she actually HAD Liberty Spikes but whatever flat goku ripoff bullshit she has now is making me think corporate punk more than anything. Also the weird off the shoulder top Rusty gives “HOP” characters when she can’t think of how to dress them… horrendous

also aside from Shez most of the Yonique workers I simply cannot pick up on an aesthetic (which. Sure, okay, they’re just dressed casual), nor any PREFERENCES of (KIND OF A BAD THING WHEN YOURE DESIGNING CHARACTERS TO HAVE BOTH NO AESTHETIC NOR ANY PERSONALITY TO DISCERN FROM THEIR DESIGN) from how they dress. The outfits change from boring outfit to other, not even tangentially related boring outfit so quickly that it’s just. Confusing

at first I actually interpreted Riley’s style from the cover and a few of the first stuff I saw from the comic as being. like. “Hello sir I am her partner” type respectful timid dork boyfriend woman edition. Which. MAKES SENSE she was seemingly very recently disfellowshipped from a cult where the majority of disfellowshipped members kinda sit in the back of meetings hoping to be reinstated for like at least half a year before giving it up. Like, even if she became comfortable with butch fashion at some point (good for her, everyone recovers at their own pace) there’s that sort of awkwardness you can discern from people with religious trauma (coming straight from the horse’s mouth, except my trauma is from Catholicism, not JWs), and since this is character design, it’s cool to see that come across in the way she dresses too. …then I saw her dressing basically the same as Jaden in the first chapter and got really really confused. The inconsistencies are really distracting. They’re fictional characters. Either dress them in the same thing (aside from in like. Special cases like ballroom night I guess??) or if they change outfits all the time keep their preferences CONSISTENT so I KNOW WHO THAT IS

like Riley’s sihlouette in chapter 11.5 VS in ballroom night is completely different and it pisses me off to no end as an avid character designer

want to know how to do good gender nonconforming character designs?? The like million characters from Cookie Run are RIGHT THERE

Woman

Man

Shoutout to Cookie Run one of my favorite references for character design in general

Found some Blaire bits too!

Wuv my wifey so baaaaad aaaghh 💜

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Grabbing Smoke

As much time as Sam spent with her best friends, sometimes she enjoyed a little bit of time alone.

Tucker was helping his mother bake cookies for some kind of fundraiser for the hospital, and Danny was busy visiting Pandora for fighting lessons. Apparently they were using swords today.

As fun as it sounded, Sam opted to stay behind, it had been a while since she'd been down to the park to feed the ducks. She didn't get quiet moments like that very often any more.

There was an uncharacteristic skip to her gait as she walked to the park, a canvas tote bag swinging from her arm.

Living in Amity Park, and especially hanging around with Danny, gave her an eerie sense to when something was amiss. Nothing quite like Danny's ghost sense, but she'd learned to detect a particular chill to the air, a prickling at the back of her neck. It could easily be mistaken for a chilly breeze, but Sam knew better. The crunch of gravel under Sam's boots was the only sound permeating the still air, not even the trees were rustling.

She continued her walk through the park, past the wishing fountain and through a trail where the trees grew slightly more dense.

The trail opened up to a large pond, it wasn't anything especially picturesque, the reeds were a little overgrown, the ground was muddy, but there were a few simple weather worn benches by the path that looped around the water.

Sam took a seat, pulling out a bag of frozen peas. She opened it, tipped a few into her hand and tossed them into the water.

The ducks immediately sped across the pond toward her, fighting for the peas that the turtles hadn't already gotten to.

Instead of grabbing another handful, she held the bag out to the empty seat to her left, waiting for a moment before shaking the bag impatiently.

A green hand slipped into the bag, pulling out a handful of peas before tossing them into the water.

"How'd you know I was here?" Kitty asked, now sitting visibly on the other end of the bench as Sam poured out more peas for both of them.

"I have my ways." Sam smirked. "What I want to know is why you've been following me all week."

"You knew for that long and you didn't say nothin'?" Kitty huffed. "Damn, I gotta up my game."

A duck waddled up and nibbled on her boot.

"Alright alright, ya hungry little doofus." Kitty lowered a hand full of peas and cooed as the duck happily ate from her palm. "Aww these guys aren't shy at all, do you come here a lot?"

"When I can." Sam tossed a few more peas into the water for the turtles. "So why are you following me?"

Kitty sat back and pressed her lips together, thinking.

"Look it's just... I don't remember much from when I was livin', you know? It's all sorta grey and fuzzy, I can't remember what anyone looked like, except Johnny." she tossed some peas to a smaller duck at the back of the group. "But as soon as I showed up here in town and I saw your face, I thought I felt... I dunno, somethin'. Like I'd seen you before, or maybe you just reminded me of someone, but I can't remember who, it's like grabbing smoke."

She lobbed a few peas a little harder than was necessary at the water. The turtles sucked them up greedily.

"So you've just been following me hoping you might remember something else?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Kitty sighed. "But it's not working."

Sam swung her foot idly between a pair of scuffling ducks, splitting them up before tossing out some more peas.

"Maybe I'm related to someone you knew. Where did you grow up?"

Kitty frowned down at the water.

"I... I don't know." she said, deflating somewhat. "I didn't even realise I forgot that."

Sam couldn't help but feel for her, Danny had told her that ghosts would often forget things from their past, especially once they'd been dead for longer than they'd been alive. Somehow she had never really considered how terrifying that must be.

"You know..." Sam started carefully. "I could show you some old family photos. Maybe you'll recognise someone?"

Kitty looked up, eyes shining brightly.

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Why not?" Sam shrugged. "If you were here to cause trouble you would have done it by now."

"Aw, I never thought you'd wanna do something like that for me." said Kitty, smiling brightly. "You always seemed like such a bitch."

Sam laughed.

"If you'd spent a week being someone that wasn't Paulina, I would probably have seemed like less of a bitch."

"So you guys are big rivals or somethin'?" Kitty asked, grabbing some more peas and giggling as three ducks tried to eat from her hand at once.

"It's more that we have... conflicting ideologies. She thinks that appearances and reputation are the most important things in life, just like my parents." Sam lobbed some more peas into the water, they both watched them disappear as the turtles quickly snapped them up. "It's shallow and stupid, and I don't get why they have to push that shit on everyone. I don't care what people think, I just want to be whoever the hell I wanna be without having to fight for it all the time."

Kitty's face turned contemplative as she tapped her nails on the back of the bench.

"I think... I was like that." she said, slowly. "I wanted to feel fun and exciting, but my parents..."

She trailed off, frowning.

"My parents... I didn't like them. They didn't like me bein' the way I was, I can't really remember why."

Sam emptied out the last of the peas and scattered them over the ground, she scrunched up the empty packet and shoved it back into her tote bag.

"You know, if we went to school together we would probably have gotten along." said Sam as she stood up, gesturing toward the path. "Let's go check out those photos."

Instead of floating invisibly behind, Kitty walked by Sam's side as they headed back to her house. She idly waved at people as they drove past, grinning when someone stared a little too long and almost ran a red light.

"You know, it's nice bein' able to walk around in the day." Kitty said, skipping a little. "Wish I could do it more often."

"What's stopping you?"

"What do you think?" Kitty's lip pulled up in disgust. "Any time I show up your dumb friend sucks me up in his stupid thermos. Only reason I can walk around right now is because I got you as my get out of jail free card."

"Danny doesn't care if you just want to walk around." Sam scoffed. "He lets ghosts wander around town all the time, he only gets involved when you start breaking things."

"Uggghhh but just walking around is so boring." Kitty pouted. "I mean yeah it's nice and I like it but it gets old real quick."

"Then you'll have to get used to getting tossed back in the ghost zone. Do not pass go, do not collect $200."

"Don't you ever get sick of his goody goody attitude?" Kitty asked. "I mean you and I aren't so different right? You're all about the rebel gig, don't you ever feel like keyin' some asshole's car, or takin' a baseball bat to some mail boxes?"

"Only if they deserve it." said Sam with a smirk. "But I feel like you aren't especially picky about whose stuff you're breaking."

They approached the door to the Manson mansion, Sam hopped up the steps and stuck the key in the lock. She touched the mezuzah on the doorpost without a second thought before opening the door and standing aside to invite Kitty in.

The ghost stared up at her warily.

"I can't get past it."

"Past what?" Sam asked.

"The mezuzah, it keeps me out."

"What?" Sam frowned. "It hasn't stopped other ghosts from getting in."

"Well it stops me." Kitty insisted. "I think it's got somethin' to do with what we believed in when we were alive. I haven't got a problem with churches but when Johnny tried to ride his bike through one he couldn't get in. His mom raised him Catholic, he says he doesn't believe in any of that stuff, but I think he still does, deep down."

"So does that mean you were Jewish?" Sam asked, smiling curiously.

"I AM Jewish." Kitty crossed her arms. "Bein' a ghost hasn't changed that, it just... means that we got a few things a little wrong."

Sam thought about that for a moment, before stepping aside and gesturing toward the door again.

"Well, if you've been invited and you're not going to cause any trouble, then I don't see why you shouldn't be able to come in."

Kitty climbed the steps slowly, fingers reaching out and cautiously brushing over the mezuzah, she didn't feel anything unusual, no zap or burn or pain. She took a step through the doorway and passed the threshold without issue, no invisible force or barrier like the last time she tried to follow Sam inside.

"Well, what do you know." she said, grinning.

Sam lead her into a large, open planned kitchen and dining area, the tiles were bright white save for the specks of mud Sam's boots tracked through the room. The decor was minimalist, the atmosphere bland and sterile, she could smell some kind of citrus surface cleaner.

The back wall was all windows, leading to a patio surrounded by perfectly trimmed grass. As they approached, Sam turned, heading towards a door to their right.

The next room felt a lot more friendly, it was full of bookshelves and red tones. The lounges looked soft and inviting, a fireplace sat cold and empty against the back wall, but Kitty didn't have to try hard to imagine it roaring to life, filling the room with its warm glow.

"This is basically my Grandma's part of the house." Sam informed her, voice low. "Her bedroom is just through there, she's usually napping around this time of day so try not to make too much noise."

Kitty slipped off her jacket and laid it over the back of the lounge, already feeling at home in the cosy little room. She looked over the books as Sam fussed around some kind of large ornate chest.

"Here it is." She hefted a large photo album from the chest, carefully closing and latching it again. "Let's see if you recognise anyone in here."

Kitty sat down beside Sam as she opened up the pristine book, the outer cover was beige with the name Manson inscribed in golden cursive on the front. The first page was full of old faded photos, in greyscale or sepia tones.

"Ugh, I'm not that old." said Kitty, flicking ahead a few pages.

The pictures were colourful now, but still grainy, there was a young blonde boy in seventies style jeans leaning casually against a Chevrolet.

"Wait hold up," Kitty pointed at the boy. "Him, I feel like I've seen him before."

"That's my dad." said Sam, surprised. "His name is Jeremy, did you know him?"

Kitty hummed a little, gently tracing a finger over the picture.

"Jeremy... Jeremy, I'm not sure," she frowned. "But he definitely looks familiar."

They continued through the book, when suddenly Kitty slapped her hand down roughly on a photo of a pair of young women.

"Her! I know her! She was a mega bitch!"

"Shhh keep it down." Sam hissed.

"Sorry," Kitty pointed to the blonde girl in the photo. "That one! I don't know how I knew her, but I definitely knew her. She was a total brat."

Sam slipped the photo out of its sleeve and read the neat cursive on the back.

"This is... my Aunt Caroline, in 1985. She's my dad's sister." Sam looked up at Kitty, amused. "I can't believe you had beef with my family."

"Your family are snobs." Kitty sniffed. "Carrie was such a ditz, she thought she was sooo bitchin' because her daddy bought her a Mercedes."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Sam grimaced. "Did you guys go to school together or something?"

"Maybe..." Kitty took the photo from Sam's hand, staring intently. "I'm pretty sure I skipped school a lot, I hated it there. It was a private school, we had to wear uniforms, barf."

"I would never have guessed you were a private school kid." Sam shook her head. "But most people would say that about me so it's not like I can judge."

"You went to private school?" Kitty asked, "How'd you end up in that Casper High dump?"

"Got myself expelled." said Sam, voice thick with pride. "Elementary, middle and high school, got kicked out of all three."

"Damn, you're good."

Sam grinned, slipping the photo back in its sleeve and continuing to the next page.

Kitty pointed to a few other photos, remarking on their familiarity, but not quite able to grasp how she knew them, the memories only flickered in her periphery.

"Wait," Kitty whispered, fingers brushing over a polaroid containing three people. "This is..."

The picture looked as though it were taken at some kind of party, a man and a woman faced the camera, each with a glass of champagne raised in their hands. The woman's other hand rested on the shoulder of a teenage girl with auburn hair, pulled into a tidy braid. She stared glumly at the camera.

"That's Katherine." Sam said, pointing to the girl. "She was my dad's cousin, but she got hit by a car when she was-"

Sam paused, looking over at Kitty's wide eyes and then back to the photo.

"Noooo way." Sam pulled the photo out of the sleeve. "Is this you?"

Kitty took the photo in trembling hands.

"I... I forgot I used to look like that." she fiddled with a lock of her green, teased hair. "I remember this party, I didn't want to go but mom and dad threatened to take away all my records and cassettes if I didn't."

Sam stared at Kitty, mouth agape.

"You're Car Crash Katherine?! My dad talks about you all the time! He always told me about the shit you used to get up to, he'd tell me that any kind of 'rebellious behaviour' was a slippery slope to 'dying on the back of some delinquent's motorcycle'." Sam put a hand on Kitty's shoulder. "You were my bad influence role model."

Kitty's red eyes shone with tears, photo still in hand, she wrapped her arms around Sam.

"This is majorly wicked! My legacy lives on! Corrupting the youth from beyond the grave!" Kitty laughed. "My parents would go totally mental."

She stopped laughing, her face turning forlorn as she drew back from Sam and stared down at the picture.

"Are they still alive?" she asked, a tremble in her voice.

"Yeah..." said Sam. "They live in a retirement home in Florida. They don't come around very often."

Kitty traced a finger over their faces.

"I wonder if they miss me." she said quietly. "Or if they were glad to be rid of the family embarrassment."

Sam didn't answer, she had wondered the same thing herself, if her parents would even care if she died. They hadn't given her a lot of reason to think they would.

She rested a sympathetic hand on Kitty's arm.

"Oh, you have a friend over bubbeleh?" a croaky voice spoke from the bedroom doorway.

Sam and Kitty both turned to see Ida Manson shuffling into the room, cleaning her glasses with her sleeve.

"Sorry Grandma, we didn't mean to be too loud." Sam apologised. "This is my... um, friend, Kitty. Kitty this is my Grandma Ida-"

"Ida?!" Kitty shot to her feet, staring in shock at the old woman. "Aunt Ida?!"

Ida squinted at Kitty, before quickly setting her glasses back on her face.

"Well as I live and breath, is that you Kathy?"

"Oh my god this is getting super weird." Sam whispered.

Kitty leapt over the ottoman to wrap Ida up in a tight hug, the old woman was surprised for a moment, but held her warmly in return.

"It's me Aunt Ida! Not really living or breathing but it's me!" Kitty laughed breathlessly.

"Oh my goodness, when all the ghosts started showing up all over town I wondered if I would ever see someone I knew." She rubbed comforting circles on Kitty's back as the ghost choked on a few sobs. "It's good to see you again Kathy."

Ida pulled away and wiped a tear from Kitty's face.

"And I'm so glad you aren't stuck wearing what your parents buried you in."

Kitty couldn't help but laugh through her tears.

"Let me guess, it was that putrid blue dress, wasn't it?"

"The dress wasn't nearly as bad as what they did to your hair." Ida snickered, patting Kitty's hand. "It had little ribbons in it and everything."

"I almost forgot you." Kitty placed her palm gently against Ida's face. "You were the only one in the family who ever loved me for being me, and I almost forgot you. I'm so sorry, I should have come to find you sooner but I just-"

"Shhhh, it's okay bubbeleh." Ida grasped her hand tight. "I think being dead is a pretty good excuse for forgetting a few things."

Sam stood beside the lounge, watching the two in shock, she wasn't entirely certain whether or not to intrude. Whatever she had been expecting to discover with Kitty today, it certainly hadn't been this.

Though in hindsight, it did explain Kitty's familiarity with Sam, people always said she had taken after her Grandma.

Ida let go of Kitty and hobbled over to the photo album still sitting on the lounge.

"Oh you don't want to look at that album." she said, as she shoved it onto the coffee table. She wandered to the other side of the room and began rummaging around in a small cupboard. "You want this one."

She pulled out a book with well worn, peeling edges. Pieces of the plastic sleeves had cracked off and crumbled away. It was old, and weatherbeaten, it was obvious that Ida had looked through it many many times.

"Here we go." she sat down in the middle of the lounge, gesturing for the two girls to come sit beside her. "These are the forbidden photos."

She opened the pages, the photos inside were entirely different from the 'official' album, there were no perfectly poised, prim and proper photos of people in nice, presentable clothes. They were all candid shots, people in the middle of eating or laughing, some were stumbling around blind drunk, a few were smoking joints. There were pictures from parties and protest rallies, in backyards and drive ins.

There was a picture of Jeremy as a young boy, grinning with one of his front teeth missing and grass in his hair.

"Only in this family would losing your baby teeth make a photo 'unsavoury'." Ida grizzled as she continued through the album. "I saved so many pictures that my husband would have thrown out otherwise."

"Ugh, Uncle Peter was such a prude, he wouldn't even let me in the house if I didn't have my shoulders covered up." Kitty rolled her eyes.

"He used to be so much more relaxed when we were young." Ida sighed. "He changed when he inherited his father's business, he forgot how to have fun."

A few pages later Kitty squealed in excitement.

"Oh my god! That's Frankie! She was my best friend, we used to do everything together!"

The Kitty in the photo looked far more like the Kitty Sam knew. Her hair was teased up, and she was wearing a crop top and a miniskirt. The other girl, Frankie, had short curled hair and a leather jacket. They each had an arm around the others' shoulder and grinned wildly.

"I love this one." Ida smiled as she pulled the picture out of the sleeve. "That was the night I gave you a lift to that concert."

"Oh that show was sooo good! I got my nose pierced there! It got so infected, Mom grounded me for a month." Kitty laughed.

"Man, and I thought I was cool for skipping school to go see Circus Gothica." Sam grinned. "I'm gonna have to come home with a tattoo next time."

"I can't believe I forgot about Frankie, I can't believe I forgot about all of this." Kitty held the photo close to her chest, a few tears running down her face. "I'm so glad it's not gone for good."

She kept the photo in hand as they looked through the rest of the album. There were many pictures of Ida, all of them with other people of all walks of life.

"Oh this was when you took us to that pride parade!" Kitty smiled. "You made Frankie so happy, and you knew a lot of the drag queens there, like a LOT."

"Grandma took me to a drag show when I was 10," said Sam. "Even took me backstage to meet them all, my parents thought we went to the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet."

"Oh I have photos from that." Ida flipped through the pages, getting closer to the end of the album. "Here we are, oh Evelyn just LOVED you."

Sam looked at the picture of Evelyn, frowning slightly.

"Oh weird, she kinda looks like Mr Lancer's sister, he keeps her photo on his desk..." Sam paused as she processed what she just said. "That's not his sister is it?"

"You probably shouldn't bring it up." said Ida gently. "Teachers can get in trouble for associating with this sort of thing."

"That's so bogus!" Kitty cried. "I really thought this kinda stuff would be better in the future!"

"It is," Ida assured her. "But we're a long way from perfect."

Ida flipped back through the album, searching for more pictures of Kitty and Frankie. There were a good few of them, each one Ida pulled out and passed over for Kitty to look at and hold onto.

"Oh woah, is that Johnny?" Sam pointed to a picture of Kitty sitting on the back of a motorcycle with a blonde boy. "He looks exactly the same, just a little less pale."

"Oh, did Johnny come back as a ghost too?" Ida asked.

"Yeah! We've been together all this time, in sickness and in death." Kitty beamed. "Mom and dad blamed him for everything I did, even if he wasn't around when I did it. They said him and Frankie were 'corrupting' me."

She rolled her eyes.

"I bet they blamed him for my death too. They'd be so mad if they knew we were still together."

"Just goes to show they had no chance of keeping you two apart." Ida said. "Not even death could do that."

Kitty held the photo tight in both hands, her shoulders began to shake slightly.

"It was my fault you know." she said with a trembling little giggle. "Funny huh? My parents always blamed him for everything, but in the end it was my fault we got hit. We were havin' a fight over somethin' stupid and I distracted him-"

Ida wrapped an arm around Kitty, patting her head comfortingly as she laid it against the old woman's shoulder.

"I think you're being too hard on yourself bubbeleh." Ida whispered gently into her hair. "It was raining, the truck that hit you was running a red light, the driver was charged for both your deaths. Even if you did distract him, you weren't the only card at play that night."

She gave Kitty a light shake.

"And don't think I didn't see the way Johnny used to drive that thing, he was reckless. I have no doubt that he wasn't paying as much attention as he should have been." She placed a kiss on the girl's forehead and squeezed her tight. "It's not fair to hold all of that responsibility on yourself, even if you both did everything right, that truck still would have run that red light, it still would have been raining. It was just pure rotten luck."

Sam had never heard a ghost talk about their death before, even Danny didn't like talking about his accident, and asking about it was incredibly taboo. Sam had been pushing her luck earlier just by mentioning the car crash.

It said a lot about Kitty's love for Ida that she chose to open up about it. Sam couldn't say she was surprised, her Grandma had always been like that. Never anything but an endless well of love and support, and the occasional kick in the pants if you needed it.

"Johnny's always had rotten luck." Kitty sniffed. "Follows him like a shadow."

"Literally." Sam snorted.

After a few more moments, Ida pulled herself away from Kitty, she got up and began rooting through the cupboards, muttering to herself.

"Aha, here it is."

She brought over an empty photo album, it was roughly the size of a small pocketbook, containing only one photo sleeve per page.

"I meant to fill this with photos for Sam to keep." Ida admitted as she shuffled back over to the girls. "But I don't think she'll mind donating it to a good cause."

She winked at Sam, who nodded back.

"Here," Ida pressed the little album into Kitty's hands. "Memories are a fickle thing, but photos are forever."

"I can't take these!" Kitty insisted, pushing the album back. "They're your memories too!"

"Oh my god you're both so old." Sam laughed, "Dad has a printer/scanner. I can make copies."

As Sam took the polaroids to her dad's office, Ida and Kitty pored over the rest of the album, Kitty picking out more photos to copy. She chose a few of Ida and Sam, and even one of Carrie.

"She was a total loser and I hated her but I don't hate remembering her, you know? I want to remember everything, even the bad stuff."

She took a photo of her parents, just one.

When Sam came back with the last batch of photos, Ida finished slipping them into the little album.

"There's still a few sleeves left." Sam pointed out, holding up her phone with a smile. "We've got room for a couple of family reunion pics."

The two girls squished up against Ida as Sam snapped as many shots as she could. Ones where they smiled, ones where they laughed, ones where they laid haphazardly across the lounge together.

Then Sam took a few candids of just Kitty and Ida, as they looked through the new album they'd just made together. Capturing Kitty laughing at something as Ida looked at her with a soft, loving smile.

Kitty clutched the album to her chest as she gave Ida a long, drawn out hug.

"Thank you so much." she said, her voice thick with gratitude. "It's like I can see my life in colour again."

She left the house with the assurance that she would always be welcome back, at any time, and a promise that she would always be looking out for her 'new favourite cousin'.

Sam flicked through the photos she took on her phone, she would have to make sure to have copies printed by the time Kitty returned to visit.

She knew Kitty coming over regularly was going to make things complicated, her apparent newfound protectiveness over Sam could potentially backfire in many spectacular ways, she was petty and troublesome when in the right mood.

But then again, so was Ida, and so was Sam.

At least she had better things to do now than beat up strangers' mail boxes, Danny was certainly going to be glad to hear that.

[erin-bo-berin]

Billy's sister! We see a lot of Mayfield!reader and I think it would be a nice change of pace to see Billy with a sibling he's decently close too.

Can I just say this request motivated me to save some really delicious gifs of Steve telling off Billy? I’ve yet to go back and watch the entire scene since I became a Steve and Joe girl and I’m like ??? WHY IS HIM TELLING HIM TO GET OUT SO HOT?

Also this is still Billy kinda being an asshole but I was going for the he’s looking out for her even if they aren’t THAT close. Idk I hope it’s okay 😬

Your first day at school in Hawkins, Indiana was pure shit.

You half wished you were still in middle school with your little step-sister, Max.

The entire day was basically awkward first introductions by teachers that you were new, boring classes and annoying ass girls questioning you about your brother, Billy.

You weren’t exactly close to your full blooded brother, but you didn’t hate each other as he and Max seemed to. With that said, you were annoyed by the parade of girls—these being ones that weren’t staring at him as he walked by, panties practically melting off.

The only thing that made it better was a senior named Steve. You shared one class with him in the afternoon and happened to sit right next to him.

He didn’t hit on you, like you thought he would, but he piqued your interest. It may only been him that made you change your mind, but maybe you wouldn’t miss California that much anymore, after all.

•

It didn’t take long for you and Steve to start sneaking around.

Why? Because you had to connect with your brother’s arch nemesis.

Billy could absolutely not stand Steve Harrington and you just had to fall for him.

But Billy wasn’t your father and you refused to listen to him when he told you to stay away from him, the one time he caught you with Steve.

Subtle touches and dangerous, stolen hallway kisses became your everyday life. You weren’t afraid of what Billy would do to you if he found out, but you afraid what he’d do to Steve. You’d started to care about him a lot and you weren’t going to let Billy ruin this.

Which is why you were currently hiding out with Steve, Max and her friends at the Byers’ house. He’d found you here and the tell-take signs of the rev of his car outside made you more than aware who was outside. Hence why you were hiding.

“Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?” Billy drawled, puffing on a cigarette, smoke billowing from his mouth.

You peered out the corner of the window, watching the interaction. You’d begged Steve not to go out there, but he insisted on protecting you and the kids.

“Yeah, it’s me, don’t cream your pants,” he responded, flatly.

“Have you happened to see my little sister by any chance? Short, sassy mouth, kind of a bitch?” he asked.

You grumbled at his description. Like you were the bitch in the family.

“Nope. Haven’t seen her,” Steve shrugged.

“Funny because last time I went looking for her, I found her with you,” he jabbed a finger into Steve’s chest, “I told her if she knew what was good for her she’d stay away from a douche like you, but she’s not known for her listening skills.”

“I told you,” Steve stepped back, “She’s not here.”

“Oh really? Then who’s that?”

He pointed to the window and you and the kids dropped down out of sight.

“Do you think he saw us?” Max asked.

“He totally saw us,” you groaned.

Steve, outside, was groaning too.

“Shiiiit,” he mumbled, “Listen-”

He turned back to Billy but with one swift push to the chest, he knocked him to the ground before stomping to the door.

“Y/N Hargrove! You get your ass here and I’m taking you home.”

“She’s not going anywhere,” Max said, standing up for you.

“Oh, is that so?” he sneered at her.

“You leave her alone,” you scowled, “You got a problem, talk to me.”

“Okay,” he sized you up, “I’m only trying to look out for you. You’re only gonna get your heart broken. He is going to chew you up and spit you out, sweetheart.”

He peered over as Steve walked through the door much too late, finding your brother already lecturing you.

“You’ll survive Harrington. Plenty of bitches in the sea. Better than my sister, that’s for sure.”

You glowered at him.

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but I’ve been seeing him, Billy. I don’t care how much you despise him. Build a fucking bridge and get over it,” you crossed your arms, defiant.

“I’m not leaving until you’re in the car with me,” he shot back.

That’s when Steve intervened, stepping in front of you, a hand to his chest.

“She said no. So you need to go.”

“Oh look at Harrington, being all manly. Is this the best King Steve can do?” Billy taunted.

“Get out,” Steve said, serious, “I don’t care if you don’t like me. That is not going to change my feelings for her and that sure as hell isn’t going to make me stop seeing her. Hell, I’ll probably want to see her even more.”

Billy chuckled, licking his lips, jaw tensing, but he just looked at you, raising his hands up and backing away.

“Good luck man, I’m just warning you now.”

With that, he turned and left, engine reviving and fading in the distance as he sped away.

You were certain the entire room let out a sigh of relief.

Then came a comment from Dustin.

“At least he didn’t have to fight him because he totally lost a fight last year.”

[i17iskillingmylife]

it's been a few days since i went up here. ive been informed that its kind of telling the extent to which im touched like deeply in my heart over the boring ugly ass places i spend my time but like lets be real here most people are basically on some hot mindless bullshit vis a vis beauty like youve got people talking about like. fucking. what. literally the most boring shit ever like just incapable of forming a single relationship with anything theyve ever seen unless they've been given the wordless "okay" for it from the world at large like people wear fucking makeup and shit. thats whats really gay i think.

theres a circle of nothing around the facility just boxing you in same way the heat does you know, which makes sense because no one wants to live around this place for the same reasons no one wants to live by an airport or a cemetery or anywhere drugs are produced in significant numbers, all of which they also do out here btw. lol. anyway it's a chain; youre contained first by the heat then by the machinery and then by miles of space, empty space not even horse trails or makeshift shooting ranges or nothing like that. you dont come out here you know theres no lights.

anyway personally i think there's a lot to be said for walking on something huge and hollow. i'm pretty significantly underweight and shorter than the average adult male even though thats what i am and i wasnt expecting the metal underneath me to cave but it did. nothing gave way of course but there's something interesting about the feeling of the "ground" literally caving in under your feet. im vaguely conscious that i should be afraid of this, but that's just another sensation.

the lights are off color here but your presence makes every one of them feel like a halo shining down. i dont make a habit of thinking about or expressing my feelings but sometimes i do feel them and i think you're a dumb bitch for asking any more of me than that

churning and gurgling under the dented metal beneath my feet is laid over by the dull roar of the fans. the wind blows and from what cant be less than five stories above the ground i look down and watch him move. it's always fascinated me the way clothing can frame a body; he looks different than he did before. i'd smile but i don't feel like it. thats okay though

used to spend a lot of time thinking about places like this and the consequences of spending lots of time in them. i want to get my fingers into places like this even if it pinches and burns. now's a really good time for us to split a cigarette you know. sit down a minute. 20$ says you wont see more than 7 or 8 cars on the road going through here the whole time we're up watching. it's got to mean something to someone but im honestly just cool hanging out with you. no big deal yk i just dont get out that often anymore so i get sentimental real easy like its so gay.

so yeah slickdirk. this is a little rambly and shit im not apologizing here just like giving a warning im typing this up inthe library after an early early morning /late late night shift cuz the electric in my unit is off and its hot as ass in there so fuck that basically. anyway

before i say anything more of course ive got to specify that i'm totally riffing off of tumblr user @youabandonedthem for my slick characterization here. but honestly it doesn't feel like characterization it's more like dear beloved sweet yat has the only meaningful understanding of slick anyone has ever had in the world like i mean come on look at that fucking blog youre kidding me and also stupid as fuck if you think thats even an interpretation of the character its just straight up factual. jackass. anyway im all over it hope its ok to namedrop you here dont be a stranger and all that.

similarly shoutout to dear beloved sweet @ottiliere for her dirk characterization which is similarly the only dirk that could possibly matter to me like most of everyone else who posts about him seems to have just not read homestuck some of the people writing meta about him even just have no grasp on ANY of the characters if were being real here but thats way off topic anyway otti owns i dont usually give a shit about aus but if its good its good and if you deny it youre nothing basically.

i dont think anyone has given love to tmc the way yat does and i don't think anyone has really put their heart into making weird niche homestuck art the way ottiliere does (at least not in this era like ive been OVER this before if youve ever talked to me we are living in a post-post-homestuck society). which makes sense because the vast majority of modern fans (of anything) are altogether much more boring breed. no plumage or patterns or anything fun. but thats another thing. and also overly pessimistic of me but whatever i feel like if someone reads that and feels like theyre being called boring its because they know somewhere that theyre boring and missing out and maybe thats their wakeup call to start getting silly with it. or maybe no one cares i dont know i dont give a shit.

anyway the intitial interest in slickdirk was generated pretty specifically in the context of the two of them being psych warded together. typically this prospect alone would be like harlequin novel parody fanfiction type shit such that i wouldnt have any interest in it, but this was different from the get go on the basis that their interactions were never initially about romance.

dirk is self aware to the point of walking backwards. he's self obsessed, self conscious, hyperfixated-in the true sense-on how he presents himself. like all people like this, he's also constantly telling on himself. i'm speaking in terms of canon and otti's dirk here btw, this is true of both fundamentally. in terms of otti's vision specifically, though…it's dialed up, right.

people who think about themselves like this are inherently isolated from other people because, regardless of how they feel about themselves, they're very convinced they're better than everyone else. being in an institution full of other sick people can spur this line of thinking regardless of how untrue it is; once you've decided you're above the rest of the BRAINBROKE FREAKS around you, it's hard to even start to empathize with any of them! if you look back at some of otti's older posts you can kind of feel the extent to which dirk doesn't want jackshit to do with nothing going on in the hospital like just obviously has no interest in participating or anything like that in any capacity.

slick on the other hand like. really i can't write any of this without referencing yat's house essay about the midnight crew watching house and specifically spades slick watching house and how he would feel about it. forget everything i just said and go read that and then come back. okay so he obviously thinks about himself and his body and very specifically his disability in such a way that he is basically completely unaware of it in spite of living with it day to day. if you know what kind of guy im talking about here you know but also im going on good faith here assuming you read the youabandonedthem papers so even if you dont KNOW you should at least have kind of an idea what im referring to here.

the big draw between these two is that they're both in completely different subtypes of denial about themselves to vastly different effects. of course they'd be drawn to each other in this scenario…they're literally the ONLY NORMAL people in the whole building uhh have you seen the other guys in here. lol like what even.

and the thing is that even following up the initial theorized meeting in the ward, like, there's all this potential for what could come after…don't get it twisted this isn't some edgy folie a deux that im suggesting that would be so boring.

they're more than "bad for each other" even if they're not quite "good for each other" either. it isn't about an endgame or even necessarily "shipping" as a lot of people think of it. it's more like…the ways their differences and similarities line up feel aligned, even though it wasn't intentional, the same way some moments just feel "right". it isn't about how long the moment lasts or what its impact is, just that there was a moment where there wouldn't have been one if even a few tiny things had shifted. life is comprised of shit like that right. so when something like slickdirk comes along you can either balk at the absurdity of it or ride the wave.

orjust like passively observe thats an option too of course. no big deal it could literally never ever be a big deal im literally just out here trying to have fun trying to make myself laugh yk.