#but if you read the gender shit as normal it still ends up working

[popflythesky]

honestly i think a big part of why ranma has fared better than some others over time is because the gender stuff wasn't really the main thing. there's always some other shit going on, simultaneously or with more focus

[bamfkeeper]

Drunk and hungover Kurt is a needy, whiny mess and you get to take care of him.

In a comic I read Kurt goes insane and drinks himself to a hangover and I wanted to write a fic about it. Turned out way longer than expected, it was supposed to be a funny little drabble lol. I came back to this at two different times so I hope it doesn't read as choppy.

Warnings: Alcohol use, hangovers, descriptions of vomiting, gender neutral reader, unedited.

WC: 2.5k

You had no idea where Kurt was during the Gala, he had gone off for another drink and he never came back. You searched around, finally finding him slumped on the floor. He hiccupped, his head lifted up and he was definitely dazed. "L-Lieeblinggg...." he slurred, his smile slanted as he tried to seem like he was totally fine...when he was clearly drunk.

"Kurt! How much have you had to drink??" You asked with a frown, you never really cared if he drank, but it seems that tonight he went crazy. He drank excessively and he was way over his limit. He could barely even hold his head up, god forbid he teleport anywhere.

"Come on..." you grunted after you received no response, "Let's get you back...you are gonna feel like shit in the morning." You managed to weasel your arm around his back and lift him up enough, his feet supporting him but he was like a large, weak dummy you were trying to puppet. "Kurt, please work with me..." you strained, jerking him up a little bit more.

He lifts his head up at the sound of voice, his expression looking completely dazed and drunk, his vision a bit woozy as he tries to focus on your face. Kurt takes a moment to process what you just said, the gears in his mind turning as he blinks a few times and eventually understands your words.

Kurt just ends up letting out a small chuckle, nuzzling the side of your face and clinging to you tighter, almost in a childlike manner. “Ach-“ he murmurs, his words slurred and his thick German accent sounding heavier than normal. “I can stand, mein Engel. Just fine.”

His feet shifted below him and he supported himself so you weren't struggling as much. Good. He was standing. Now came the hard part: getting him to walk.

"Okay...let's go. Time to get home..." You instructed calmly, you began to slowly take steps forward, his tail curling around your waist tightly. After walking for a few minutes he became fidgety, like a child wanting out of a carseat. You frowned and held onto him, "You can't walk on your own," you reasoned with him but he just shook his head.

He lets go of your arm to take a few steps forward, only to stagger and fall forward almost immediately. Kurt would’ve face planted, but thanks to his tail still wrapped around your leg, it prevented his fall completely and you had caught him by the waist before he could topple onto the concrete sidewalk.

"Goddamnit, Kurt! You almost ate the sidewalk!" you groaned and tried to pull him upright again, his feet nearly tripping over each other in his struggle to stand up again. "Please, please try to walk, I know you don't feel good, but I really need you to try. I don't have super strength..." Your reasoning fell on his ears and sounded like water slushing through one and out the other to him.

Kurt didn’t resist you pulling him closer to you, instead choosing to nuzzle his face into your shoulder once more, seemingly unconcerned by the fact he just almost took a nosedive into the sidewalk. His tail still has a firm grip on your leg, even as leans into you. He lets out another quiet chuckle as he clings onto you like a koala, mumbling into your shoulder.

After a long, very long, walk to your home, you managed to get him inside. It took a lot of effort on your end, since he was basically a ragdoll at the end of the walk. You dragged him into your home, watching him stand and sway like he were on a ship. "Sit," you guided, taking his shoes off since he clearly couldn't do anything on his own right now.

You moved to his clothes, slowly unbuttoning his extravagant outfit from the gala you attended that night. He's all over the place as you attempt to strip him out of his formal clothing, stumbling and nearly toppling to the floor more than once as you struggle to get his suit off of him. How he does this from a seated position, you will never know.

“If you wanted to take my clothes off, I would’ve let you sooner…” He mumbled, his drunken self still surprisingly cheeky and flirtatious even if he’s nearly out of it. You rolled your eyes a little bit, expecting him to be a little cheeky. When he did have a casual beer, he would drink just enough to be buzzed and he always got super flirty. But he was still sober enough to talk, walk, function like normal. Not like now.

"Kurt, hold still...I need to get you out of this for bed, no funny business. Bed only. To sleep." You successfully tug the suit jacket off and toss it aside, letting it hit the floor with a heavy thunking sound. He’s now only left in a thin, skin-tight white undershirt that leaves very little to the imagination, especially as it sticks to his abdomen and chest, the sleeves a bit ruffled and very pirate-esque.

He looks down at you through heavy lidded eyes, a smirk still on his face that’s half-hidden by the way he’s nuzzling the side of your neck. “Does that mean I can’t have any fun?”

"You are not having fun tonight, Kurt...you are incredibly drunk, and I wouldn't do that." You insisted back, frowning at him as you took his undershirt off. He murmurs something in German under his breath, a quiet stream of words that are nothing more than heated, drunken mumbles of affections.

Kurt’s hands wander to your hips now, gripping at the fabric of your clothes rather firmly as he tries to regain his balance. “You look so good…” He mumbles, one hand sliding lower. “I just want to touch…”

"Hey, no." Your hands pull his away, and you give him a stern look, "No, Kurt...you are drunk. You are going to get up and come to bed, for SLEEP." With some struggle, you finally got him up again and drug him to the bedroom, pulling the blankets back on the bed and looking back to see him swaying again.

"You're cruel..." he slurred out, his voice soft and pouty, "You know that..?"

"Mhm, so cruel that I drug you back home instead of leaving you all alone at that party to wake up hungover slumped against the wall." You replied plainly, gesturing to the bed. "Come on...bed."

You were pleased when he trudged over and sat down on the bed, letting out a huff as he plopped down. He looked up to you, his face blushed from his drunk affliction and his eyes weary. Your hand came up and ran through his hair, "Am I mean still? For taking care of you?" You questioned the poor blue mutant with a slight tease in your tone.

Kurt leaned his head into your hand, his yellow eyes fluttering closed and a low purr-like noise rumbling in his chest as you pet his head. Despite his protests and grievances, Kurt’s nothing less than a lovesick puppy.

"Ach, yes. You’re so mean to me, mein schatz.” He replies, sounding more sarcastic than sincerely annoyed as he speaks. He lets out another small groan, flopping backward and spreading out on the bed dramatically. Good...that saved you time. You pulled the covers over his body and tucked him in. Luckily once he actually laid down in bed, he passed out almost immediately. He gave a few more whines and moans, but with some coaxing he blacked out.

A quiet, half-hearted groan can be faintly heard from inside the room. Kurt has woken up, and unfortunately he wasn't feeling too great, as you predicted.

The first thing he notices is that you’re not next to him (which he isn’t happy about), and the second thing he notices is that he feels awful. His head is pounding and he feels nauseous, and judging by the way his stomach is twisting in knots…he follows his body's rapid urge and he throws the covers off him, stumbling out of the bed and rushing towards the bathroom.

Kurt let out a low, pained groan as he leaned over the toilet, his hand gripping the edge of the seat as he began to retch. He lets out a few dry heaves before bile comes up his throat, the acidic liquid burning and leaving him with a bitter, stinging taste in his mouth.

You heard this from the spare room, you decided to sleep there in case he tried anything in his drunken state. You didn't want him to realize he did anything and regret it, or whatever. You'd never want to cross that boundary and take advantage of him in any way, even if he seemed like he wanted to. You never knew if he did or not, it was basic sense not to do anything with someone who can't think clearly.

"Oh, Kurt..." you sighed seeing him curled over the toilet, walking up to him and rubbing his back. "Don't fight it...just let it out. It'll be over quicker if you let it happen."

Kurt’s stomach let out another loud ache as he retched into the toilet more, spitting up another string of bitter, burning bile. He lets out another low, pained groan as he does so, his tail drooping weakly behind him and his yellow eyes beginning to fill with a thin layer of tears.

A small shiver ran through him as you rubbed his back, his body leaning into your hand as he tried to even his breathing between bouts of being sick. “I feel like I’m dying…” He mumbles under his breath, his voice a pathetic whine as he tried to get as much comfort from you as possible.

His body shook with another painful gag and he once again threw up, a stream of bitter fluids coming up his throat and into the toilet. He let out a small grunt, his yellow eyes looking glassy and out of focus.

He’s trembling slightly, an uncomfortable cold shiver running through his entire body as he retches and coughs. He’s not holding back anymore, letting whatever is left in his stomach empty out. Eventually the dry heaving passes, and Kurt lets out a small groan of pain. “Hnnng…”

He throws up for ten minutes straight. Small intervals between each wave.

After several minutes of dry heaving, he rests his head on the rim of the toilet, breathing heavily between pants. His eyes close and his face flushes slightly with exertion, “Please…” He manages to get out in a quiet, pleading voice. “…make it stop….”

"You haven't thrown anything up for a little bit...I think you got it all, baby." You pulled him to sit up more, flushing the toilet and running a rag under the faucet to dampen it. "Just sit still if you can. A little clean up then you can lay back down, I promise."

You began to wipe his mouth with the rag, supporting him as much as possible but letting the wall he leaned into do most of the work. "That's it...now here, rinse with this and I'll help you back to bed."

He practically leaned his entire weight on you as you helped him up off the floor and led him to the sink. He spat out the rest of the bitter taste in his mouth before using the mouthwash as instructed. Kurt took the mouthwash you handed him and slowly began to gargle it. It almost made him throw up again, just from the act of gargling.

When he was done, you wrapped your arm around him and pulled him towards the bedroom. "Good job...come on. Back to bed okay? I have some water there for you." You were relieved he didn't protest when you guide him back to bed, he sits down on the edge, taking the glass of water you held out to him and quickly downing it.

Kurt lets out another small, pained groan. “…I feel awful.”

"I don't doubt it. You drank a lot. Beer, some whiskey and gin...then tequila shots." You recalled what one of your friends told you when you reached out, and Kurt whined loudly, holding his mouth.

"Nngh...bitte....I will throw up again just hearing that..." Kurt's whine made you smile lightly, so you stopped.

"Alright, alright," you smiled and gestured for him to lay back down in bed. He needed to rest some more. You'd be there to take care of him.

Kurt places the empty glass down on the nightstand before he laid back down on his side again, pulling the covers up over himself. His entire body is still trembling slightly as he shivers, and Kurt looks as if he’s struggling not to pass out.

He lets out another small, pained groan as he curls in on himself. “Es tut mir Leid...I must have been such a fool last night." Kurt mutters with slight shame and sadness in his voice. "Stay with me..?” He requests quietly in a somewhat pleading tone.

How could you deny that face?

"Of course. I'm here to take care of you." You reassured him and stroked his hair comfortingly, "And don't apologize. I mean sure...I was a little shocked at how much you drank, but hey, everyone was partying." You tried to help him feel better, in all honesty you weren't mad at him at all. Just worried, since he drank so heavily so suddenly.

He gave a weak smile, but he was still feeling like shit. "Danke...for taking care of me and dealing with my sickness...I do not think anyone else would sit in the bathroom with me and watch me puke." Kurt chuckled, though it was soft and pained.

"You don't need to thank me for caring for my boyfriend," you chuckled lightly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Now...you need some much needed shut eye. I'll be right here if you need anything. Water, medicine, a trash can. For now, just try to get some sleep to fight that headache I know you have." Your hand continued to stroke his hair, your fingers running through his locks and scratching his scalp lightly.

His eyes close and his head leans into your hand as you pet his head, a quiet, small purr-like noise rumbling in his chest. "Okay." Kurt's voice is so tired, he's ready for more sleep. He enjoys when you play with his hair, so you gladly continue until you see his breathing pattern even out and deepen. Kurt snuggles into you, and luckily he fell asleep even though he felt pretty shitty. All because you were there to help him, and he couldn't be any more grateful about it.

You felt his tail weakly curl around your leg, his sleeping form seeking you out naturally, any way he could. So you moved closer, smiling down as he cuddled into you. He was such a sweetheart, no matter what. You hear him mumbling something in his sleep, and it just makes you pull him even closer to you. You don't know if he was awake at all, but you heard him regardless.

“Ich liebe dich..." his tired, sleepy voice murmurs against your skin.

Thanks for reading.

*BAMF*

dividers by @/adornedwithlight

Cover Images: Way of X #3 (2021)

[weirdsht]

cale with idiots in love trope

- "You're cute" "hm?" "I said you look like a boot."

- casual displays of affection, hand holding bc s/o would space out and may or may not get lost (directionally challenged)

- pretending everything is casual, but they're soooo in love with each other

- "I look like a mess" "the prettiest mess"

- the kids absolutely love when they get cuddles with cale and s/o

- maybe braiding cales hair??

- whenever cale goes somewhere and can't bring them, they'd go like "I'll be going for a while" (cale) "I'll always be here" (s/o)

- stealing cales clothes bc its comfy!!

- "are you asleep?" "...no" "wanna talk?"

- "I love you" "I've loved you my entire life"

Can’t Two People Be Friends? - Cale/Gn! Reader

tags: gender-neutral reader, deputy commander reader, getting together fic, vague novel spoilers, is told from Alberu's perspective, tired Alberu, save Alberu from his dumb dongsaeng, use of degrading words (e.g. stupid) but it's in a loving way, have I mentioned Alberu is tired of Cale's shit?

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read navi)

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another anon said: cale who acts like a lover to his "closest confidant", though they are not in a relationship, they certainly do act like one– to the point that his crew would question them, to which they'd respond "We're just friends" "What do you mean? They look at you like you're their entire world"– which then starts their operation, get cale a lover

Cale Henituse is someone who has a lot of people under his wing. He's a heroic person busy saving the continents– no, the world. Which was why it is no surprise to find out that he has a close confidant. He has a second-in-command who helps him plan everything and is in charge of backup plans in case something goes wrong.

All of that is normal. Expected even.

What isn’t normal is how they act towards each other.

They act like… people who have a deeper relationship than just friends, for lack of a better term.

Like right now. [Name] is holding onto Cale’s arms as they navigate through this tiresome ball. Looking at him as if he had hung up the moon and the stars.

“Your Highness, you are quite close to the both of them… are we sure they are merely close friends?”

One of the nobles talking to Alberu Crossman questions as everyone watches the commander-and-deputy-commander duo dance in the centre of the hall.

“Of course they are. They have said so themselves.”

Alberu adds on at the end about how they shouldn’t inquire about another person’s private life.

However, Alberu himself is quite frustrated.

It was the truth when he said the two are nothing more than friends. And that’s what frustrates him. The two idiots can’t see the way they stare at each other. Can’t notice how they are unconsciously each other’s priority no matter what happens.

Alberu also knows that he isn’t the only one feeling this way.

No, as a matter of fact, everyone in Cale’s group feels the same frustration the future king feels.

“When will they get together? They deny their feelings as if we didn’t see them cuddling last night while reading a novel.”

On complained one day while eating the crown prince’s cookies.

“I’ve always known that our young master was quite dense in the aspect of love but… hmmm, I must say that this level is getting frustrating.”

Ron shared his own opinion as he served everyone tea.

Well everyone except the two people who are the topic of their discussion. Of course, they aren’t. For they were busy cuddling in the newly installed swing in the garden of the black castle while reading a novel. [Name] is busy platonically nuzzling their head in Cale’s chest, while Cale himself is busy platonically draping his legs over [name] as they lay down on the large swing.

‘Merely friends my ass’

Alberu thinks to himself as he watches the two from the window while sipping on the tea Ron served.

The people inside the room merely complained about Cale and [Name]’s relationship. They did not say anything about forcing them to get together and be in a romantic relationship.

And it’s not because they respect what the two have now.

No, it was simply because they didn’t need to say such things out loud. The complaints they have said out loud are enough confirmation to ensure that everyone is on the same page.

That everyone will be doing their best to show those two knuckleheads that what they have is more than platonic.

“You do know that you only let [Name] braid your hair like that. Do you realise just how much special privilege you give them?”

“What special privilege? The kids also braided my hair.”

Alberu’s dumb dongsaeng stared at him in confusion and the crown prince swears his about to have an aneurysm.

“Yes, but they are your kids. Of course, you’ll indulge them.”

“That is true…”

For a moment Alberu thought that they were finally heading somewhere.

“But [Name] is the only one who can braid my hair neatly like this.”

Turns out the only place they are heading to is back to square one.

Alberu pushed down the urge to smack a chair in his beloved dongsaeng’s face. How could he forget Ron’s existence? The Ron that does every task perfectly, but still could not braid the redhead’s hair because ‘only [Name] can do it perfectly’.

Cale better be glad Alberu didn’t transform Taerang into a hammer and threw it in his face.

“I love you, you know that right?”

[Name] had asked Cale during one of their cuddling sessions and Raon’s ears perked up.

“Of course I do.”

Cale answered casually and it got Raon’s hopes up.

“Are you guys together???”

He asked, eyes full of hope.

“What do you mean silly? Of course, we’re together, we’ve been friends for years now.”

That night Raon did not speak to any of them, and the two idiots only thought he was sick and tried to coax him to talk to them.

Subtle advances like that continued for a while before they all admitted defeat. One day Rosalyn even straight up asked [Name] how they felt about Cale. To which the deputy commander only responded with “he’s my best friend of course” before going on their merry way to steal another one of Cale’s clothes.

Just when all of them are about to give up Alberu caught the two of them talking in that same swing one night. 

He was about to go back to the palace. Only went to sneak into Raon’s castle to talk to Cale about an important business that cannot be said through a communication device. However, just as he was about to teleport back he heard the two.

“Why are you still awake?”

“I couldn’t sleep. You weren’t in bed.”

“Wanna talk then?”

Alberu silently scoffs at them. Even their conversations sound like their married already.

They talk for a few minutes. Topics vary from the mundane to philosophical questions no one can answer. 

It didn’t look like Alberu would get anything from eavesdropping so he thinks about going home.

But then…

“I know we’re both too busy. I know this will only add more burden to you. However, I must say it.”

[Name] spoke gently. Their eyes which were previously watching the stars shifted their focus to stare at Cale’s face.

“I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than life.”

That made the crown prince stop in his tracks. For a moment he remembers Raon’s complaints about how they seem to say “I love you” to each other without it meaning anything. For a moment he doubted if it was a confession.

Of course that didn’t stop him from recording the whole thing.

“I love you too. I’ve loved you this entire time. I’ll love you even after death.”

At Cale’s reciprocity, Alberu finally moved to give the privacy. He may want to see the two of them get together, but he does not want to see them kiss. A confession was enough to satisfy him.

But the irritation he feels from waiting for them to confess did not go away.

Hence why instead of going home he first went to his instructor, Choi Han.

Alberu Crossman did not say to the swordmaster. He only hands him a piece of paper before going back to his palace.

In that paper wrote:

The two idiots are finally together. I have a recording if anyone is interested. I’ll show it in exchange for a recording of you lightly smacking my lovely dongsaeng head upside-down. I’m sure my instructor will understand where I’m coming from.

Choi Han does. He greatly understands where his student was coming from.

That’s why, the next morning he was setting up a hidden recording device with a smile on his face.

Oh, he also got everyone’s permission before he set it up. In fact, most of them cheered at the thought of him physically knocking some sense in their young master’s head. 

[milchig-de]

Caught

Pairing: Lighter x Reader

Summary: You just want to chill and jerk off but Lighter catches you in the act. What will he do?

Warnings: It's sex guys what can i say. Read at your own discretion, 18+ etc. Reader has a dick but is kept gender neutral (do tell if i missed something)

Notes: I am sooo normal about him. Super, completely normal. Not freaking out about him or anything. Nuh uh. No way.... I say, writing smut fanfic abt him shsjhdks

i feel like i wrote him a bit ooc, but im excusing it with the fact we don't interact with him that much shsks

Part 2 btw

"Ugh."

You plop down on your bed while letting out a very unceremonious groan. It was another hard day of working with the Sons of Calydon. After almost losing the cargo you were transporting and getting chewed out by Lucy (followed up by Caesar telling her to chill, which then ended in another battle, pulling you in as a judge and in the end bringing more of Lucy's wrath upon you because of course she lost) you want to do nothing more than just relax and have a restful sleep.

With the utmost willpower you can muster up, you get up to change into some clean clothes, do your usual before bed routine and slip under your covers. Happily, you cuddled yourself deeper into the comfort of your sheets. Only...

Sleep doesn't come to you. At all.

Looking at the clock, you realize it's still fairly early. So naturally, your mind is still running at top speeds even though your body craves some respite.

So what can you do to either pass some time or make yourself sleepier?

Well, some good options include making yourself some warm milk or counting sheep, reading a book, the usual options one would go for.

But all of those options sound incredibly tedious. Not only would you have to get up and leave the comfort of your bed for some of them, they all just sound so... unappealing. Plus you've tried counting sheep and the like before, you know it doesn't work for shit.

So, you choose the worn and proven method of: Masturbating. It weakens your mind so it can easily fall prey to sleep- you have some tissues on your night table as well. Hopefully, cleaning yourself up afterwards won't cause you to lose the sleepiness.

You push the covers off of you. It would be even more tedious if you accidentally smear pre on them, which would mean having to change the sheets and wash them.

Since you're not hard yet, you start gently palming your dick through your pants. You try imagining something arousing that'll do the trick, remembering some porn you watched recently or just general sexy stuff. But... even though you try not to think of anyone specific, only one person comes to mind. The undefeated champion and your one and only long-time crush, Lighter Lorenz. Well, not that he knows that he's your crush, you've just figured he's probably not interested in you. It's not like you're proper partner material.

Shaking your head, you try to get rid of your thoughts regarding Lighter. It's bad enough you can't stop thinking about him during the day, you don't want to also imagine him in the most vulnerable state. But it just seems impossible. The bad boy act he puts on captivates you, even more so when his nicer side shines through when he's flustered, not to mention his devilishly handsome face and his fat ass that keep circling around in your head until all your thoughts surround only him again. You wish you could just rail him into tomorrow until he forgets his own fucking name, slamming your cock into his hole and passionately sucking on his tongue- yeah you're beyond saving.

Groaning at your unsuccessful attempts of getting aroused by something other than who is basically your co worker, you rethink. Is it really so bad to desire him like this? After all, any thoughts like wanting him naked and the like won't ever come to his attention; it's not like he can read your mind. As long as you can manage to act normal towards him, it shouldn't be a problem to jerk off to your thoughts about him... Surely.

So you decide to just go with the flow. You pull your pants down to half of your thigh. Your dick springs up, throbbing eagerly at the thought of getting some much needed stimulation.

You lick your hand and then spit on it to have some lubrication, before you enclose your shaft in your fist, imagining it was Lighter doing this to you. A sense of relief washes over you and instinctively, you moan out Lighter's name, upon which you immediately slam your other hand over your mouth because you know the walls are not particularly soundproof. Technically, the others should be out but... there's still plenty of other people hanging about where they shouldn't be.

Keeping your hand clasped around your mouth, you start moving your fist up and down your cock again. Squeezing the top, you can't help but shudder blissfully at the pleasure coursing through you- until your door is suddenly thrown open.

"Hey, did you call for me-"

Your wide eyes make contact with Lighter's equally wide eyes through his sunglasses. For a moment, neither of you move or say anything, you with one hand around your dick and the other on your mouth, while Lighter stands at your door, still holding the door open.

Then you quickly scramble to pull your pants back up and Lighter quickly closes the door behind him, presumable to shield your dignity from even more humiliation.

Your face burns as you try to adjust to a position where your still raging boner isn't too obvious. Regardless of the obvious circumstances (and your very obvious embarrassment), you try to play it cool.

"So uhm, did you need anything from me? I'm too tired to do anything else today so you can also just tell me tomorrow... "

Clearing his throat, Lighter also tries to resume with his usual act of being aloof and uncaring, but his red face is a dead giveaway.

"I was walking past and heard my name so I thought you called for me... I really didn't expect to find you like this though."

No fucking way he heard you moan his name. Holy shit. You need to leave the Outer Ring, change your identity immediately. There's no way you can live with him knowing what you truly think of him. Just thinking about how awkward it would be- not to mention the chaos it would bring to the Sons of Calydon. As a gang, you need to work together like clockwork, there's no space for weird tensions. You could live with the shame, but you're not sure if he'd even want to hang around you anymore. Your mind runs at 100 miles an hour as you scramble to work some excuses up.

"Lighter, listen it's- it's not what you think-"

He raises an eyebrow at you. Yeah he clearly saw you jerking off- there's no way you're getting out of it. So you jump to plan B. You straighten up, trying to look as serious as you can, even with your still flushed face.

"Lighter, I'm... I'm sorry. I know you don't see me that way and that this is a super awkward situation. I know you're probably super grossed out at me, but I really hope this conflict won't affect the gang. I'm.."

You take a deep breath, trying to stay calm at your next words.

"I'm ready to leave the Sons of Calydon if I make you uncomfortable."

Lighter flinches at your words. You and him have shared a few of your struggles- so he knows this isn't an easy decision for you. After the gang picked you up when you were at your lowest, leaving it would mean leaving your only home behind. With nowhere to go, what would happen to you? The Outer Ring certainly isn't a place where it's easy to find one's footing. But more importantly...

" You've got nothing to apologize for. I'm not uncomfortable with... this situation, and uhm, you."

You stare at him, stunned. It'd be a lie to say you didn't half expect him to just start punching you.

He clears his throat and looks off to the side, a light blush covering his face.

"Actually, I'm very interested in what you were doing before I came in."

Huh?

"I-In fact, I want to know just what you were thinking about to get you to moan out my name... if you could tell me?"

HUH???

Not only is he not grossed out, it seems like he's enjoying this?? You can tell he has a smile on his face from the way his eyes seem to crinkle, even with his hand covering the lower half of his face. You sputter out a startled reply.

"W-well, I was imagining us making out and touching each other... I was thinking about you stroking my dick and- wait!"

You're sure you were as red as Old Daddy right now. Is this really okay? Is it really fine for you to just tell him your disgusting fantasies? Is he really... not upset? You squeeze your thigh before voicing your concerns.

"Are-are you sure you want to hear this? I mean, it's pretty gross for me to think these things about you and even more so to voice them so uh, I'm very sorry again"

A short silence engulfs you. Then, Lighter starts walking towards you. Squeezing your eyes shut, you brace yourself for the impact of his fist, but it never comes. Instead, you only feel him sit down at the end of your bed and gently put a hand on your leg. Composed as he seems, you still feel the slight tension in his hand. You cautiously open your eyes.

"If I had been uncomfortable, I would've made this clear by now. I definitely wouldn't stay around to hear someone being horny about me if I wasn't interested. And I also don't think you're gross. Actually I-, uhm"

He starts stammering and his face heats up again. He is pretty cute like this. You wish you could just snatch him up and kiss him so he wouldn't have to try speaking anymore.

"I think you're..."

He takes a moment to clear his throat, collecting himself.

"You're wonderful. You always care for me when I do end up getting into a fight. It... it helps me immensely in dealing with... the aftermath. To tell you the truth, I've also had significantly less nightmares because of you. And you're just... so pretty and handsome... It'd be hard not to like you."

Ah. You want to think he's lying- it's hard to accept anyone could ever think of you in a positive way. After all, you don't really have anything to offer. You're not funny or interesting to talk to, you don't have an important job in the gang and you most certainly aren't the most handsome person you can imagine. All in all, you're just an average joe!

But you know Lighter wouldn't lie to you- plus, all of these things are subjective judgments from you. Who's to say he doesn't see you differently?

Clenching your fist, you shuffle closer towards him, bringing your face near his. You reach up to take off his glasses, but hesitate. You know that they act as a sort of barrier against the world around him. Seeing your hesitation, Lighter gives you a short nod. So, you gently pull them off, your hands trembling. Gazing into his eyes, you reply.

"I... Well, you've probably already figured this out, but I also find you quite attractive. I mean, not only your body I just think you're so cute and I love the way you care for the other gang members..."

He gazes at you, with a love in his eyes that make you feel like you could burst at any moment. If there's anything you wish for, it's to keep this moment burned eternally in your memory. One of his hands comes up to cup your cheek.

"May I kiss you?"

You nod and he pulls you closer until your lips touch. Feeling his warmth on your lips is like a dream come true. There's a faint smell of oil and sweat coming off of him- it only makes you all the more hungrier for him.

Hesitantly, you decide to take the first step- since he has shown you that he truly desires you, it's time for you to step up to the plate.

You open your mouth and slide your tongue out to worm your way into his. He quickly lets you in, greeting your tongue with his own. They dance and wrestle with each other. You taste his spit and savour the taste, groaning into his mouth.

A string of spit connects you as you pull off with a wet sound. You gaze into each other's eyes as you pant, both utterly flushed.

Ligther regains his composure faster.

"Do you... think you could continue? With what you were doing before?"

You raise your eyebrows.

"You... want to watch me masturbate?"

"Yes."

"Well... I was going to do this anyway."

You return to your previous position under his heavy gaze. The way he drinks in every movement of yours leaves you utterly exposed- moreso when you start taking off your clothes. For the sake of him getting to see something, you undress completely.

Your dick already stands at attention again, having temporarily deflated during the serious talk with Lighter. Letting out an anticipating sigh, you grasp your cock again and squeeze it before starting up with the familiar up and down movement.

Moans fall from your mouth, partially influenced by Lighter's gaze on you. Glancing up at him, his flustered state encourages you.

You decide to put on a show for him. Sliding your fist up, you swipe your thumb across the head to collect the bead of precum, but then continue to tease the head and rub the spots which are the most sensitive. This naturally makes you let out more sounds, which seems to please Lighter, as he even sneaks a hand down to palm himself through his pants.

His watchful gaze leaves you feeling utterly exposed and incredibly aroused. Staring into his eyes, you can't help but imagine again that he's the one twisting his hand around your cock. Just the thought makes you unconsciously speed up, building up a feeling in your stomach that makes you curl your toes. Closing your eyes you let your head fall back, barely able to handle being watched.

After a few more strokes, you tilt your head down to look at him again. The sight is downright divine. He's panting almost as much as you, face flushed and still palming his dick. His elated expression brings you over the edge, ropes of cum shooting out onto you.

Seeing that you're finished, he stares at you, watching your chest rise from your heaving breaths.

Something in him snaps and he rushes forward to hungrily connect your lips again, shoving his tongue in your mouth once more. With barely any time to react, you try your best to reciprocrate, eventually managing to sneak a hand down to grope his ass. Lighter lets out a moan, his tongue still in your mouth. You use this opportunity to suck on it. His eyes flit to yours in surprise before they roll up at the wave of pleasure you managed to solicit by groping his very visible bulge.

But it's not enough friction, not enough of your touch for him, so Lighter separates from you and starts stripping. Although he only does it with the main goal of getting his clothes off, you can't help but be entranced by his body. His muscles flex and stretch while he undresses, a few scars decorating his body. It's obvious he fights for a living, but in the most positive sense.

You're so distracted with gawking at him that you don't even notice Lighter has finished undressing. So he decides to take the lead instead. Grasping your hand that's still covered in cum, he licks it off all while maintaining eye contact. You moan out at his actions, your dick twitching to life again at the erotic sight.

Encouraged, you immediately move to pleasure him after he lets go of your hand, but Lighter instead grabs the back of your neck and pulls you into a kiss.

His lips are somewhat chapped, you can smell motor oil and sweat on him. It feels so good to have his warmth against your lips, to move in tandem with him. It only gets better when he opens his mouth and licks at yours. You follow suit, letting him explore your mouth with his tongue. You can still taste your cum on it. The sensations of it make you groan into his mouth, eliciting a shudder from him.

But still you decide to focus on the more important thing: Lighter's cock. You gently push him back. Understanding your intentions, he moves back and adjusts to sit comfortably.

Grabbing his dick in your hand causes him to let out a hiss of relief. Seems like he has really needed this as well. Massaging it gently, you spit into your other hand for some much needed lubrication. Then you start stroking it, earning yourself a few moans from him. It doesn't take too long before he starts panting in earnest, hot puffs of breath leaving his mouth intertwined with occasional groans.

"Mmh... Very good...Ngh- I like that..."

You swipe at his tip when you reach it a few times, before deciding to duck down and kiss it.

"Ah! Y-you don't need to use your mouth for- ahhnnnngh...."

You had opened your mouth and taken his tip into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around his tip, playing with his slit. Lighter can't help but let out a series of moans and whimpers, sounding like an angel sent straight from heaven. All the while, you of course haven't stopped stroking the rest of it with your hand. You consider just deep throating him, but you're not really feeling up to the task. So instead, you focus on the tip and even swallow around it. This earns you a well-deserved whimper. To test the waters, you carefully graze his dick with your teeth. He bucks his hips up at that, accidentally thrusting his dick further into your throat, causing you to pull off of him out of reflex.

"Ah shit, sorry I didn't mean to- NGHHF" He starts reaching for you, but before he can do anything, you're back on track already.

You speed up your hand. This combined with you sucking him works him up faster than expected, his moans growing louder and louder until you notice he's trying really hard to hold back from thrusting into your mouth again. Instead, he grips the back of your head to have something he can hang onto. His head falls back, his eyes closed. It doesn't take much longer before you can feel his thighs tense beside you and suddenly he's filling your mouth with your cum. Diligent as ever, you swallow everything he gives you.

When you think he's done, you pull his cock out of your mouth. But it turns out he still had some cum left and he shoots one more rope of cum onto your face.

His dick softens in your grip, but that's only until he tilts his head forward again and catches a glance of your face- like magic, his dick is hard and throbbing again, the sight of your cum-covered face working wonders for him.

He pulls you up towards him, swiping his cum off your face with his thumb before forcing it in your mouth. You eagerly lick his thumb clean of his cum, playfully nibbling on it lightly. Lighter lets out a moan, pulls his thumb out of your mouth and smashes his lips against yours again.

While he's busying himself with your lips, you carefully adjust your position so he's laying down while you're on top of him. Since both of you are still hard, you figure he might want to go again- and you definitely aren't wrong.

So you line up your cock with his and grind into him. He moans into your mouth at the unexoected pleasure. You start out gentle with your grinding, making sure to use the leftover cum on both of your dicks as lubricant.

Meanwhile, you sneak a hand up to his chest, grasping one of his tits and kneading it. He gasps out at your actions, already overwhelmed by the pleasure. It only gets worse when you busy yourself with his nipples, giving them the occasional flick.

At this point both of your dicks are sufficiently lubricated, so you remove your hand from his chest after cupping his tit one last time and move it down to embrace your dicks together. You form a sort of hole around them, keeping them touching each other constantly. Then you start thrusting into the hole, all while rubbing up against Lighter's dick.

Both of you moan out in pleasure. You originally meant to start slowly and speed up over time, but when you look down at Lighter's expression, you just can't help yourself anymore. Seeing his eyes half-lidded and his tongue hanging out just the tiniest bit makes something within you snap, urging your hips to thrust faster and harder.

Lighter notices this, his eyes widening. However he actually enjoys you going rougher on him, so he lifts his arms and embraces you, pulling you closer to him. You oblige, touching his chest with yours.

"Yes, that's good, ah, keep going, hmpf!"

Feeling his warmth makes the knot in your stomach build up faster and faster. You groan into his shoulder, biting into it to let out your emotions somehow. He calls your name at that. It's obvious he's getting close as well, since his hips have also started thrusting against yours, not to mention his moans.

Retracting yourself from his neck, you instead plunge towards his lips again. Sliding your tongues against each other, the feeling builds up more and more until you come with a squeal, spilling ropes of hot, sticky cum against your stomachs, with Lighter following suit.

Once both of you have spilled every last drop, only your panting can be heard in the room. For a moment you gaze into each other's eyes. You were scared that Lighter would be disgusted by you now that he's used you to get off. But it's quite the contrary. His eyes shine with nothing but his love for you, it almost takes your breath away.

You let out a laugh and collapse on top of him. Cleaning up can wait until later, you decide, sneaking your arms under his torso in a somewhat awkward hug.

He chuckles as well, wrapping his arms around you. Gently, he kisses the side of your head. You think you hear him whisper an "I love you", but your exhaustion catches up with you before you can think about it any further and you fall into a deep slumber.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

The Werewolf’s Bitch

Yandere Male Werewolf x Gender Neutral Reader (CW: Noncon, breeding, knotting, inhuman genitals, reader eaten out, drool, piss marking, watersports, scent marking, lycanthropy, reader bitten by werewolf at end, smut, kidnapping, reader briefly stalked, general yandere behavior, yandere bully, bullied reader)  Word Count: 4.4k (Sorry that this is being reposted, I needed to edit the story and tumblr would not let me until I just deleted the whole thing, anyway, I worked extremely hard of this so I could hurry up and do more commissions, I am panicking because the window for cool season planting is nearly upon us. I normally would NOT rush to post a fic in the same day that I already posted one. I know the watersports is not everyone’s thing, but it has been a while since I wrote a fic with that kink and when I asked reader’s whether or not I should I got only positive responses, so I hope some people like this)

You were a librarian, you had always had a penchant for books, an obsession really, and you loved reading many different kinds. Right now you were reading The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud,  it was a fantasy series. It didn’t matter whether or not you liked the fantasy genre, your friend who was not super into reading kept recommending the series to you so you had to give it a shot. You were enjoying the light breeze and gentle sunshine towards the back of the park, in a lightly wooded area where the park gradually shifted into a forest. Leisurely, you continued to read until the sun just began to set. Little did you know someone was watching you from the trees. Axle hadn’t seen you in years, though it wasn’t uncommon for his thoughts to drift to you. He had a serious crush on you in high school, but so worried about his image he had not wanted to date the nerd so he bullied you instead. Relentlessly. He often thought what if he had been sweeter on you and more up front about his feelings, he’d probably have his arms wrapped around you and his cock buried deep inside you. Axle still would have picked on you, of course, it was how he showed affection and dominance, but it wouldn’t have been nearly cruel and relentless as it had been. And he would have been really sweet to you at times too, since he was sure little nerdy bookworms liked that kinda shit. His life wasn’t all bad though, he had been “afflicted” with lycanthropy. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the legends and folklore made it seem, for most people. Most were not feral and could freely change forms whenever they wished, from human, to wolf, and to the bulky hybrid form that most people thought of when they heard the word “werewolf.” There were exceptions though, some people did go feral in their wolf forms and change unwillingly during full moons. An encounter with one such creature was what had passed on the magical gift to him. Now his life was free, he lurked the woods for prey, hunted and then cooked what he had caught in a large cave he had claimed as his den. The lifestyle suited him, he could pretty much do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, but it was a lonely existence and he wished he had a mate. Axle had been walking around, contemplating what he could do to get some friends or maybe even a lover when suddenly his nose, now hypersensitive even in his human form, picked up a familiar scent. One that he had not smelled in years but nevertheless one that he would be able to place anywhere. He had stolen whiffs of you while having you in headlocks and pushing you into lockers, had deeply inhaled the aroma of your underwear after sneaking into the locker room and stealing them whenever he was sure he wouldn’t get caught. So when he caught your wonderful smell in the breeze he bolted towards it. Just to watch, he thought to himself. And he did just watch, for a while. His eyes drank in your sight as the golden afternoon sun illuminated you so perfectly. Still such a fucking bookworm, reading all the way out here. The more he looked at you the tighter his pants got, would it really be such a bad thing if he just took you away? He could steal all the books you could want if that made you happy. You’d look so cute reading by the fire before he impaled you on his dick. It wasn’t like you could get away from him, even without his new found abilities he was faster and stronger than you could ever hope to be, but now that he was supernaturally imbued there was no chance you could ever get away from him. If you screamed it was okay, there were no witnesses around for the abduction and when he was fucking you back in his den there would be no one around for miles. He readjusted his cock in his torn jeans, fully erect at the thought. He talked himself into it. It wasn’t that hard, this may be his chance to have the future with you he had missed out on previously. You started to get up to leave, placing the book you had been reading into your backpack with the rest of your books that you planned to get through. Suddenly someone rushed out from the trees and snatched your backpack before you could put it on, running with it deeper into the forest. All you could see was their back as they ran off. Axle made sure not to run too fast because he knew you would chase him without thinking to get your precious books. “Please stop! Please! There’s nothing in there other than books! Please!” You screamed and chased the figure deep into the forest, until a chill ran through you as you looked around. You no longer recognized where you were and it was getting ever darker. Axle could have just used force to bring you this far, but he was enjoying playing with you like he used to. Just as you began to turn around and give up on the figure before you he turned around and was on you in an instant.

You recognized him immediately as you saw his face before he put his arm around your neck and licked up your neck creepily. You’d never forget who those mischievous eyes, cruel smirk, snake bite piercings and spiky punk style blond hair that was shaved at the sides belonged to.  

“A-Axle!? What the heck!? Let go! Wh-what do you want with me,” your voice was filled with fear and your eyes began to water, threatening to cry. “Well, you were in my neighborhood and I thought we could catch up~” You kept struggling in his grip, but you were winded from the chase earlier. What he said made no sense, there were no nearby homes, but you were a bit too busy to really contemplate his words. You punch and kicked at him but he just laughed like he had just heard the most hilarious joke, it would have been very insulting if being in a dark forest being manhandled by your old bully wasn’t so terrifying. Axle moved his arm around your neck then ruffled your hair, something about the gesture made you think he wasn’t out to just kill you. But then he gripped your arm tighter and started dragging you deeper into the woods. Your writhing and struggles to free yourself from his iron grasp did nothing to slow him down in the least. There was still a long way to go though, and instead of dragging you and hurting your much more delicate arms he hoisted you into his arms and slung you over his shoulder before starting to run at a speed not normal for a human. This also had the added benefit of scaring you and making you cry those adorable tears of yours. You kicked and screamed the whole time he held you, but the only thing you managed to accomplish was a severely sore throat and further exhaustion. In only a few short minutes Axle covered quite a distance with you. Not tired or out of breath at all despite the speed he ran at or the fact that he was carrying an entire adult on his shoulders. When he arrived at the cave he sat you down on a large bundle of stolen pillows, coats, blankets, and other soft materials. “W-where are we? Wh-why did you bring me here,” you asked almost unintelligibly through the hoarseness of your voice and the fear causing you to stammer. The fear you felt actually tugged a tiny bit at Axle���s heart, he just wanted to teasingly scare you, not make you all terrified. Poor little wimp. His little wimp, he thought, feeling a bit fluttery. Axle sat down beside you and roughly pulled you into his lap before caressing your arm and holding you close, in a manner he thought may be comforting. “What are you d-d-doing!? I don’t like this!” You were, understandably, immensely uncomfortable. Your former bully had his hands all over you. Did he think this was a hilarious prank? And why did he live in a cave? Was he a serial killer that lived in the woods in search of victims?? With each question your heartbeat increased.   Axle could hear your heartbeat. Still so sweet and fearful, just like you always had been~ But he didn’t want you to only associate him with fear and have a heart attack every time he held you. “Shhh, babe, shhh. It’s alright. I promise I won’t hurt you okay? I’ll keep you nice and safe~” Apparently he was not tactful enough to realize that licking and sucking at your oh so sensitive neck, was not very soothing to you. When you thrashed more and not less he got the memo and just held you close instead. There would be time for other stuff later. Right now holding you was enough, drinking in your scent like it was booze, and it was almost more intoxicating. He laid down on his side and pulled a very confused and scared you close to him once more, his arms hugging you tightly as if clinging to a life preserver. While Axle had never slept better than that night with you in his arms you stayed up until sheer exhaustion forced you into a troubled sleep. And when he woke he was so happy, he had half been worried everything had been a dream but no, you were really in his arms like you should have been for all these years. Axle wanted you to be awake so he determined that the most prudent way to wake you up was to pinch your ass. Much to his satisfaction, you woke up easily with a startled yelp, almost jolting off of the bedding. You were confused for a moment as your brain scrambled to remember where the fuck you were and why the fuck you were there instead of at home in your comfortable and familiar bed. And what had just assaulted your butt? Then the memories of the night before smacked into you like a brick wall. Axle. He had kidnapped you and spooned you all night for some unknown reason. Probably some sick prank, if he was just going to beat you up and murder you he would have done that already right? Not say all that stuff trying to comfort you before sleeping by you. Axle pulled you close and once again drew his tongue slowly up your cheek, like it was some sort of odd kiss, it creeped you out but you didn’t say anything opting instead to flinch away at his touch. “Oh come on, don’t be such a pussy, I haven’t hurt you,” he said smirking, obviously enjoying the bit of fear he caused from such a small action. “A-are you ever going to tell me why the hell you made me come here?” “What? I haven’t made you cum yet! Hahaha, I will later though.” You rolled your eyes at his juvenile joke but he just stared at you with a hungry look in his eyes that sent a shiver down your spine. “I’m serious! Wh-why am I here, this is insane and illegal! I-I’m leaving!” You started to walk towards the path that led to the cave entrance, but Axle growled in such an animal-like and primal way while stepping forward to block your path that it frightened you into remaining still. “You’re not leaving okay, nerd? You want to know why you’re here? Well it’s so I can fuck you silly and have someone to spend time with. I’m your boyfriend and you’re my property. So sit down, read your little books by the fire, and get settled because I am going to go get us some food and when I come back we are going to eat then we are going to go at it like rabbits.” You stared at him with eyes wide, now more paralyzed than ever with fear and utter bewilderment. He couldn’t be serious could he? You didn’t want that at all, this is the piece of shit that made your entire middle and high school years an absolute horror to get through. During your stunned silence he walked up to you and kissed you quickly on the lips before rushing out of the cave to search for some food. Was he stupid on top of absolutely bat shit crazy? Did he really think you were just going to stay here to be raped by him? Did he actually believe that you would be totally okay with being abducted by your former bully and you would be so enamored with him that not only would you let him put his dick anywhere you but you would also let him be your boyfriend?? Obviously that was not going to fucking happen in any way, shape, form, or fashion. You gave him a few minutes to get far away and then you gathered your bag of reading materials and headed out of the cave that Axle called home. It was too easy, luckily you remembered the general direction back to the park and began on your merry way, running as fast as your feet could carry you. Axle, though, was not really stupid. He may have been a bit of an impulsive hothead and a brute, but he was not without some intelligence. He figured you would almost certainly try to escape while he was out and about and he kept his hunt somewhat near the cave, and down wind from it. Once you left the shelter the wind quickly carried your scent right to his powerful nose. He could smell you so clearly and immediately made a beeline for your precise location. You had thought things were going well, you had put significant distance between you and the cave and were sure he would not be able to catch up to you. But you heard some rustling through the grass and a snap of twigs. You turned around and saw him coming right for you with unholy speed, Axle. Somehow he managed to close the distance between the two of you much faster than should have been possible before lunging and tackling you to the forest floor. This time you didn’t even bother struggling once he had a hold of you. Once more he slung you over his shoulder, smirking this time as you went limp, that was good. At the very least you were learning you could not fight him. Now you only had to learn you couldn’t run either. He wasn’t worried, you were a nerd after all, you would learn quickly. Before you knew it you were back in the cave, he placed you carefully on the rocky floor. You looked at him curiously wondering what he was going to do to you. He responded only with a shit eating grin. He began trying to take off your pants and clothes, and you struggled as much as you could. Which disappointed him, he thought you would have realized that he could always over power you, he had always been able to. Axle let out another beastly growl and that seemed to get the message across, this was happening. As he undid his belt you began to fear the worst, you were sitting naked below him as he was about to whip out his dick, what else could you expect to happen? You began to cry and plead for him not to rape you. He used his belt to tie up your arms before he pulled his pants down slightly. You stared at him as he stood before you with his prick aimed directly at you. Before you could figure out what he was doing he unleashed a hot stream piss all over your naked body. The smell was pungent and you gagged a bit as some of the fluid found its way into your mouth, he must have been holding it for a while because he completely drenched you. Axle had a devilish grin. “This should help remind you of your place. You are my little bitch got it? The scent will make it much easier to smell you and keep anyone else away. And I doubt you will try to scurry off without clothes.” Your abductor laughed maniacally as he emptied your books out on the table and took the bag. He placed all your clothing in it before slinging it around his back. “Be a good little weakling and wait here. Not that you have a choice,” he said as he departed. Axle made a mental note to scent mark you like that regularly, you covered in his scent made him almost lose control and breed you right then and there. But you both needed food, you were a fragile little thing he desperately wanted to take good care of and keep healthy and you would both need your energy for the all night fuck fest he had planned. Back on the floor of the cavern you were defeated, your face wet with tears and piss. You reeked of him and the fluid was becoming dry and sticky in places. This wasn’t fair, what had you done to deserve this. You never bothered anyone, you were a sweet person who just wanted to be lost in their books. You lay on that floor, stiff, stinking, and sticky for what felt like hours until Axle returned, but in reality he had only been gone around fifty or so minutes. He sauntered in with a hand that held a bundle of dead rabbits, and another hand full of foraged vegetables, fruits, and nuts. You wondered how he had caught anything. He did not seem to have any weapons or traps around. “Ah, there’s my good little bitch, I see you stayed in place for me.” Axle took his haul of food into another room of the cavern, presumably a larder or kitchen of some sort, before coming back and tending to you. He undid the belt binding your arms and was about to clean you up, but something about you stopped him. He paused and took a moment to just stare at you, so obedient, so drenched in his scent, so good for him. A perfect little mate. And a perfect mate needed to be bred and marked in the most permanent manner possible. Forgetting his plans to feed the both of you and then go at it later that night sniffed at you and let out a low growl. He needed to mate his bitch. Now. You were limp as a rag doll as he picked you up and put you in the pile of bedding material, despite the gross “scent marking” that he had applied to you not even being rinsed off yet. You felt Axle’s warm tongue carefully licking at your crotch, occasionally he broke away to kiss your soft thighs. His strong hands roamed every inch of your flesh that they could reach. He was like an animal as he began lapping at your entrance, stretching you out and getting you ready for mating. When his tongue slid into you it finally elicited a response and broke you out of your catatonic state. You tried to push him away to no avail, though he did take a moment to look up at all the commotion. As you looked at him you realized he almost seemed a bit larger than he was earlier, and had he always had that stubble, you could have swore that he had been clean shaven. Not that you had been in the best emotional state to make such careful observations. But then you saw a change made before your very eyes, and there was no denying it. His previously brown eyes had turned a fierce glowing yellow and as drool pooled and dripped at the corners of his mouth his teeth grew longer and sharper. Now you were really scared, more terrified than you had been since your kidnapping, what was this beast? Meanwhile Axle was running almost entirely on instinct, he had a vague sense of self but his impulses were simply too strong for him to ignore. The more you struggled the more he felt the unbearable need to prove himself to you. You were denying him as his mate so he had to show you how strong and capable he was, he had to be the mightiest he could be so you would be happy with him and have no doubts who the strongest man for you was. No doubt who owned you. He continued to transform into a full blown werewolf right before your very eyes. His clothing tore away as they were ripped apart by the muscles bulging out beneath, thick blonde fur covered every inch of his body, claws grew from his nails, you could see glimpses of a tail swinging strongly behind him and his ears grew longer. His erect cock became canine like in nature and his musky nuts sung below, full of potent seed to fill you with. You screamed in terror and tried to kick him away but the beast that was formerly Axle would not allow itself to be denied. Had to mate you. Had to prove himself as a good partner. Had to show you he was powerful, could keep you safe. You tried to kick him away but this only cemented in his mind the absolute need to subdue you and yew his. During his shift into his strongest form you had managed to scoot away from him, he grabbed you by the ankles and pulled you back towards him, you tried to grab at anything you could to stop him, futilely throwing pillows and blankets at him in a last ditch hail Mary attempt to get away, but it was as hopeless as all your other attempts. When he had you under him he forced you into a mating press and shoved his hard cock to the hilt inside of your drool slickened hole. Once he was deep inside he let loose another wave of piss. Had to mark your insides as his property. Had to. Needed to make sure no one else thought about using his property. His mate. His. After Axle had once again marked you with his urine he began slowly thrusting in and out of you. But he quickly got tired of the pace, werewolves were not exactly known for restraint, especially when so deeply under the spell of their instincts. You yelped as he painfully shoved himself in and out of your quickly sore hole. Precum, drool, and piss leaked out of you and down his shaft and balls as he bred you, his huge nut sack slapping your ass with every thrust. Luckily you had been so well lubed by all of his fluids or else you would have been in extreme pain. You were ashamed to admit it but your body was betraying you and the railing you were receiving from this barely human monster was beginning to feel amazing. His knot was slowly swelling within you, creating delicious friction as it rubbed against your inner walls. But interrupting any climax you were making your way towards was Axle as he nuzzled your neck with his wet nose before aggressive licking and nipping at it. But he did not stop there, he had to mark you, make you his mate, claim you in every way, you’d look even more beautiful wearing his claim. So without hesitation or forethought for the consequences of turning you into a werewolf, he bit down at the nape of your neck. Hard. You cried out in a startled shock as he licked away the blood from your fresh wound. He had to comfort his mate. Had to. He didn’t stop licking until your tears lessened and you seemed relatively calm. The entire time he was biting you though he was still fucking you at a moderate pace, and he finally came to the beautiful sound of your overstimulated cries and whimpers. You were so good for him. Perfect fragile little bitch made to be filled up full of his seed and protected by him. You felt a growing pressure inside of you as his knot reached full size, binding the two of you together, and his cock throbbed deep within you as it shot rope after rope of warm semen. You had not gotten your climax yet though, and he couldn’t accept that, you had taken his so so well, you had been such a good mate, the perfect breeding bitch, you even took his mark and everything. Even if it wasn’t by choice. You deserved to feel pleasure. So Axle rocked his hard knot back and forth inside you, as much as he could move it with it at the size that it was, and slowly coaxed an orgasm from your hot mess of a body. He stopped when he felt it and heard you moan and whimper loudly, your voice full of pleasure. After achieving his goal of pumping his wimpy bookworm full he finally regained clarity of mind and his instincts lost their grip on his actions. He realized what he had done and was a bit embarrassed he had lost control like that. He had planned to very slowly ease you into the truth about being a werewolf. Still, he couldn’t argue with the results, you passed out under him from all the sensations he had brought to you, and him on top of you with his cock tight and snug within your hot depths. He was not in the least worried about you being a werewolf, it would only make you more dependent on him, you did not know the first thing about being one. And if you ever did escape he could always overpower you. He was stronger than you when you were both humans and he would remain stronger than you in any form. You would always be Axle’s bitch.  

[justwonder113]

Sharing a bed with Felix

Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; IN;

My Masterlist

Summary: What happens when you're having a panic attack in the middle of the library and the one to reach out for you and help you is actually a someone you kind of hate?

Warning: NOT PROOFREAD! (literally I can not stress this enough); cursing as always. The reader is gender neutral. The reader thinks Felix is fake and doesn't trust them. GRAPHIC DESCRIBTIONS OF A PANIC ATTACK AND SELFHATE. Reader struggles with procrastination.

A/N- this is more platonic fic than romantic, but I will write a part two of this which will actually be romantic and more appropriate for the series name. I hope you'll like it. Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated^^

Word count- 3.9k

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

You hated this. You hated how you had no control. You hated how everything slipped through your fingers. You hated how you always knew better but still always ended up making the same damn mistake. God you hated how you were stuck in this damn loop. How you had to deal with the same shit over and over again. You hated how only you were the to blame for it. You hated how you were having one of the most horrible mental breakdowns you have ever had now when you should be studying! You hated how you had almost no time to study. You hated how it was all your fault. You hated how you procrastinated doing your damn job till last minute as always. You hated how even your laptop stared at you, mocking you, reminding you how imperfect you were. God you really hated this.

Angrily wiping your tears, you tried to resume reading with keyword being trying. Your vision was so blurry you couldn’t even decipher a word, which frustrated you even further. You should have started studying earlier! Not just cram everything into your brain when the exam was literally two days away.

Why did you have to be this way? Why couldn’t you just be normal? Why did you always have to learn the hard way? Why couldn’t you learn from your mistakes? You knew you were better than that. You knew that you could be so much more. Why were you the one holding you back? Why couldn’t you get over yourself? Why couldn’t you just learn your lesson?

Taking a deep breath you started to read the sentence again. You have probably read this damn paragraph 15 times already, still you had no clue what was written there. Why couldn’t you just focus? You didn’t have time to waste damn it!

God this was so frustrating. You could hate yourself and how you functioned any time later, you would have all the time for it. Not now! This was just not the time!

Why was the screen so damn blurry! You couldn’t see shit like this! It was as if your vision line was getting narrower and narrower. Your heart clenched in pain as you took shallow breaths. You looked at your empty water bottle. You needed some water. Surely it would help you.

Standing up, your legs felt a little wobbly but you decided to push through it.

You needed to drink some water.

You were just panicking before an exam.

Nothing special.

Nothing to fret about.

You just needed to calm down.

Yes.

You just needed to drink some water.

Unable to walk more than two steps you crouched down. Your whole body felt like it was being crushed by something unimaginably heavy from every side. Like the room itself was closing in on you. You could hear muffled sounds coming from all around you but it was like you were in whole another universe.

You clutched your chest, your heart felt like it would burst any second now, you felt your own heartbeat in every part of your body beating so rapidly, you felt like giant drums were beating in your temples.

You didn’t know how to describe this but it was almost like your life was flashing before your eyes. If it was actually so, weren’t you supposed to see the best parts of your life? Some good memories, you would gladly relive again and again. Why were you seeing every moment of your life where you felt like an absolute failure. All the moments where you just simply hated yourself and your ways. And to make it worse every memory, every flashback felt like a stab to your heart. Like it was a physical reminder of how much you had failed in your life, how much of a failure you were.

Tears burned your eyes as you tried your best to hold them in, but quickly enough one of them escaped, quickly followed by another and soon enough you were crying uncontrollably. Your body trembling uncontrollably.

You hated this.  You wanted this to stop. You needed to control yourself. This was no time and place to have a breakdown like this. You were afraid. You were terrified. You needed this to stop. You needed something to hold on to. Someone to hold you. You wanted to feel like you were not alone. Something, just something to gasp on to. You were afraid. So afraid…

“Here drink this.” You heard soft but deep voice and a gentle touch on your shoulder. You knew this voice.

Felix looked at you with furrowed eyebrows as he held in a water bottle for you as he kneeled down next to you.

Not feeling like the protesting you accepted it. Forcing yourself you took a few gulps. The cool water was refreshing.

“Drink some more, you will feel better.” Felix gently encouraged you.

You took few more gulps. You felt like throwing up but still forced yourself to drink it. Coldness of the water was actually somewhat helping you.

“That’s it, good job. You will be fine okay?” You heard Felix say. “You will get through this okay? I’m with you.” His voice was so kind, so gentle.

Wanting, no, needing something to anchor you down you grabbed onto his hand that he had on his knee. Without saying anything Felix interwened your fingers and held you just as tight as you were holding onto him.

“Breathe with me okay?” Felix encouraged you and started breathing deeply as if to guide you. Why was he even kind to you? You always made sure to avoid him and to just treat him coldly whenever you interreacted. He had no reason to help you.

As you tried to mirror him and take deep breaths memories of how coldly you treated him coldly flashed before you. As if you weren’t already feeling shitty enough you got hit by a wave of shame. Your inability to trust people had nothing to do with him. Whole reason you didn’t vibe with him and brushed him off whenever he tried to talk to you and get closer to you was because you just couldn’y believe a person could be this warm and kind. It just looked impossible to you. You always thought he was hiding something, that this was all just an act, that he was just deceiving everyone, so you kept your distance. And here you were now accepting help from him, clinging to him all pathetically. You just couldn’t control yourself, the only anchor for you right now was Felix. You actually felt like you could die if you let go of him.

 Another wave of fresh tears covered your face, god you felt so bad that you were mean to him. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry!” You could hear yourself vail, but it was as if your own voice didn’t belong to you, it was as if it belong to someone else entirely.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about okay? This happens sometimes, I got you, you will get through it okay?” He gave you such a kind smile. You never really had noticed how beautiful he actually looked. Looking him like this, you could swear you could see a halo around him. God you had been so blind.

“No, no. I am sorry!” You took a deep breath. “I’ve been such a dick to you, you didn’t deserve that.” You sobbed out finally, clutching tightly onto him.

Felix looked at you for a second. “Okay I know now is not the time but since you’re the one who started talking about it…” Felix paused for a second looking unsure. “Why do you hate me?”

Hate him? No you could never hate him. He had nothing for you to hate him.

“I don’t hate you.”- you shook your head.

“Then why are you cold towards me? You’re so kind with everyone else.” Felix looked genuinely curious.

You shook your head again. You were feeling a bit more calm now but the fresh wave of embarrassment made you take a few steps back. You covered your face with your hands. “This is embarrassing.”

You felt Felix gently pat your shoulder. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me.”

You sat in the silence for a minute or two. Felix never stopped patting your back gently, he also didn’t let go of your hand. You felt at peace with him, which is why it made you feel even more bad to hide the truth from him.

God you were acting so immature. You took a deep breath to give yourself more courage. “No, you deserve an explanation.” Pausing for a second you took another deep breath. “It’s just I have hard time trusting people. And seeing how you were always this ball of sunshine, how no one had anything bad to say about you and how everyone just loved you I thought that you were not a genuine person. I thougth that you were fake acting all sweet and kind. I just, I don’t know, I tend to avoid people I don’t or can’t trust. I should have been more civil about it though, or at least I should have given you a chance. I regret my decisions now, so I am sorry.”

The silence fell. God he must have thought you were dumb for hating him for such idiotic reason. It was quite ridiculous though, you realized that once you said it out loud.

The silence was soon overtaken by booming sound of his laughter. His whole body was shaking as he laughed wholeheartedly.

“Wait you’re telling me that you acted this way because you thought that I couldn’t just be kind and sweet so I had to be faking it?” He sounded like he couldn’t believe his ears. You didn’t expect this type of reaction but as long as he wasn’t mad or sad or anything similar?

“I know it’s ridiculous!” God you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

Felix wiped his tear, his eyes shining on the dim light of the library. “It is. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.” He looked at you for a second, his eyes full of mischief. ”It is quite cute though.”  Seeing your head whip at him in shock Felix chuckled again. “I thought all this time that I made you upset about something! You know what I’m glad this is just a misunderstanding.”

“I feel embarrassed. This is so stupid!” You hid your face again.

“I mean it is silly but this could have happened to anyone. It’s no big deal really. Tell you this!” Felix let go of your hand and stood up. He held in his hand in front of you smiling sweetly. “Hey my name is Lee Yongbok Felix, I think you’re really cool want to be friends?”

You couldn’t really believe your ears. “Are you for real?”

“Oh definetly! I have had a friend crush on you since forever!”

“What’s a friend crush?”

“Oh you know like when you have a crush on someone you’re like want them to be your partner right? Well when you have a friend crush you’re like damn I want to be that person’s friend so bad!”

“So you’re saying you looked at me and thought damn I want to be that person’s friend so bad?”

“Yes.Pretty much so.”

“Damn I was right you’re not all that perfect! You’re actually quite crazy.”

“Meh who isn’t a bit mental. You were just having a panic attack for starters. By the way I’m glad you’re back to your senses.”

“Oh yeah, thanks. Also, foul joke.” To make your point across you glared at him

Felix grinned. “Get used to it, some say I’m quite a menace. So do you wanna be my friend?” He asked as if he didn’t just admit he was annoying.

God this was so unserious. “Yeah sure. I do!”

“Great! Now get up, let’s eat something. I’m starving!” Was he actually shining? The dude was maybe literal walking sunshine.

“You are quite straightforward.”

“You should also get used to that. Also the fact that I’m amazing! I just happened to order some takeout! I was about to tell you when I saw you on the floor.” God You couldn’t believe you just had a panic attack in the middle of library.

“Are we even allowed to eat in library?” You asked once you actually realized Felix said he had takeout.

Felix’s laugh was something of gremlins. “No, but lucky for us there’s no one to tell us anything.” – He sounded so proud it actually made you smile. But something was off what did he mean there was no one to tell you anything.

“Wait what do you mean?” What time even was it?

“It’s almost twelve. The library is closed.” You looked around, you two really were only ones around. You really outdid yourself huh.

“Wait we’re stuck here?” That was quite something to manage to do.

“Well no, because I have a key of this place.” Felix took them out of his hoodie pocket to show you large set of keys.

“How do you have a key to this place?”

“My friend works here, he was about to close up and wanted to let you know that you should go but you seemed so immersed in your work I told him that he should let you be. He gave me the key to close up. He lives nearby so I can give him keys later.”

“Why did you wait for me? Don’t you have to go home? You should have told me to wrap my shit up and go.” You really wondered what was reasoning behind his action.

“Now this is embarrassing.” Felix muttered, looking shy all of a sudden. He couldn’t even hold your gaze.

“Felix?”

“I got here because I love how quiet and peaceful it is here, Seungmin had been yapping about this book and I finally had the time to read it. I saw that you were here. I even thought I would come to say hi but you seemed immersed in your study. Then hours passed and you didn’t even get up and I got worried. My friend told me that he had to close up soon and before I even knew it I was asking him for his keys and promising I would lock up. I then ordered some takeout because you hadn’t eaten anything and I remembered how you were recommending this place to Minho earlier. So the food got here I got it, I was about to tell you to stop eating and then I saw that you were crying and well here we are now. I am yapping aren’t I? Does this make me sound like a stalker? I just wanted to do something nice.” Felix talked so fast you were amazed how he even managed to breathe between the words.

Trying to calm him down you placed your hands on Felix’s shoulder. “Thank you, for thinking about me. I don’t think you’re a stalker. I won’t say anything like that while you have the keys to this place and food! I have to be on your good side now more than ever don’t I?”

“You’re quite something huh.” - Felix groaned out, but he looked amused.

“Hey you’re the one crushing on me.” You couldn’t help yourself but tease.

“Okay I said friend crush!” Felix tried to defend himself but you didn’t let him.

“Tomato tomato, same shit.” It somewhat weirded you out for a second how comfortable you got with him this quickly but somehow you didn’t really mind.

“It’s not!” Felix pouted. Damn you sure like to tease.”

“You should get used to it. Also to the fact that I’m freaking awesome.” Before you could even realize you were smiling, without a care in the world. Like minutes ago you weren’t feeling like you were at your all time lowest.

“Come on oh the awesome one, let’s eat before the food get’s cold.”

The food was actually just what you needed. It immediately brough you sense of comfort. It was kind of funny, both of you were so hungry apparently that none of you said a word as you ate. The silence was comforting. It wasn’t the kind where one of you had to force yourselves to talk. It wasn’t suffocating. It felt just right.

“Are you feeling better?” Felix asked after a while.

Taking a deep breath you nodded. You should have known he would ask something eventually. “I am feeling better. I don’t know what came over me earlier.” God you felt embarrassed talking and overall recalling how you had a panic attack in the library. Thank god it was only you and Felix here and no one else saw this whole shitshow.

“You don’t have to talk about it, but I want you to know I’m here if you need someone to talk to okay?” Felix sounded so sincere, it really tugged on your heartstrings.

“I appreciate it.” – you said it and you actually meant it. It was good to hear that there was someone rooting for you and telling you could lean on them. But you still felt bad. “Sorry for misjudging you.”

“We’re good.” Felix smiled gently and turned towards you.  “What do you think about getting something tasty later?” -His voice was cheerful and kind. How did he even manage to be so outgoing and welcoming? It was really beyond you. It did intrigue you. You were sure you could learn much from him.

“We just ate though, are you still hungry?” He sure had an appetite huh.

Felix chuckled and shook his head. “No no, I’m not hungry. I am suggesting you pick somewhere you want to go, or something specific you want to eat, so when you nail your exam we will have plans for our friend date along with a cause.” God he was ridiculous. He said it like it was such a matter of fact you couldn’t help but mirror his smile. But it still stung inside. Would you nail that exam though? You would be lucky if you didn’t fail.

“Hey stop that!” Felix’s voice brought you back to reality. Felix looked at you sternly. “You will do great on that exam. I am sure of it. Even if you don’t that’s not an end of the world. You can always retake it. BUT I am hundred percent sure you will do great.”

“I’m not sure Felix. I really slacked off. I should have started studying earlier. I don’t know if I will manage to go over all of the material in time. God it is stressing me so much! I really should get back to studying!” God you wasted so much time. How could you be reckless. You didn’t have time to waste. Every minute counted.

“No way! You need to rest!” Felix protested but you shook your head.

“I don’t have time to rest Felix.”

“Listen, there’s no way you can efficiently study without letting your brain rest once in a while. You spent hours studying. And I got here late, god knows how much time you spent with your laptop before I got here. You should get some sleep.” You hated how he was right. But even if you went to rest you weren’t sure if it even would you sleep.

You tried to say something but Felix didn’t let you. “No! You’re going home. I have to close up the library anyways!”

“Oh now you have to close up.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

Felix grinned triumphantly. “Convenient isn’t it?”

“Look at him having power of having library keys go up his head! You’re blinded by power Felix!” You grumbled as you walked towards your stuff. You could hear Felix laugh as he also gathered everything.

“More so, you should come with so I won’t do something drastic. You should control me.” Felix yelled over from over the other side of the room.

“Now that power will surely go over my head but since you’re asking me so nicely…”

“You’re a menace you know that right?”

“Proud one too.” Maybe you really should get some rest and resume in the morning.

***

You were woken up by a sound of buzzing. When did you even fall asleep? God you didn’t want to get up you felt so cozy. Why was waking up especially hard when you had to get up! Damn life was unfair sometimes.

You didn’t even remember how you got home. Or how you got to sleep.

Felix insisted to walk you home, because it was late. You invited him inside for a drink. You talked for a while. And then… That was blank.

Another buzz from a phone and your pillow shifted.

Well that was weird. Why did your pillow move? You sure as hell didn’t. Not to be dramatic but you would rather die right now than move.

“God, what time is it?” Sound of a groggy male voice sent shivers down your spine and not the good kind.

What the fuck?

You quickly got up to see that your pillow was actually Felix’s thigh. Felix looked just as confused as you were. You two were in your house, laying on your sofa. You were whining how you weren’t sure you would even be able to rest and you fell asleep on top of Felix? Damn you sure were something else.

“Felix?”

“That’s me?”

An awkward silence fell. You felt awkward, you had actually no idea what to do or to say.

“I guess we fell asleep.” Felix awkwardly chuckled. “I’m sorry for invading your privacy like this. I should have left the moment I made sure you got home safe.” Felix muttered sheepishly. He looked kind of cute with his hair sticking around in every direction, and him looking a bit dazed. You weren’t even going to talk about how hot his voice sounded. Was it weird to feel attracted to a friend you technically just made? He was objectively beautiful though, so maybe you weren’t in the wrong to appreciate his beauty. And your mind was spiraling again.

“No!” You quickly gathered yourself. “No, no. You did nothing wrong. I was the one who literally slept on you so I should be saying sorry.”

Felix quickly shook his head, looking defensive. “No, you don’t have to say sorry. I don’t mind physical touch. I’m quite clingy with my friends and since I consider you my friend I don’t mind it at all! I don’t want YOU to be uncomfortable.” God he was cute. You could barely restrain yourself from smiling.

“Actually, it was one of the few times I actually slept like a baby so maybe I should thank you instead. I really needed that rest, I feel refreshed.”

Felix grinned and for a second he really looked like a cat.“Told ya so.”

“Okay don’t get ahead of yourself now!” You scolded as you watched him chuckle. He was quite ridiculous and somewhat even weird but you actually looked quite forward to being friends with him.

Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated ❤️

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

Taglist (comment if you want to be added^^): @velvetmoonlght @notastraykid @annie-boleyn

[hg-aneh]

Hi,ik I've been asking questions frequently but I'mma do it again bc I'm that petty;

In the AziraCrow relationship/marriage/or whatever. Who do u think is the housewife/husband? 😀

if we're talking about traditional gender roles applied to marriage ((which i believe would NOT apply to them in canon as they're both nonbinary supernatural beings)), i have to preface this by saying that i rlly don't agree with them as a concept

[if ppl choose to engage in them and not judge others for not doing so then good for them (idgaf akfbsjf)]

i hate that they're still being imposed onto people and that they haven't been left in the past for some contexts

i also want to clarify that the following """analysis""" I'm going to make is all for the sake of poking fun at gender roles and satirizing their entire existence.

Having said that, these are my headcanons:

Aziraphale-housewife, Crowley-husband

Why? Simply because husbands are fucking useless and I like to bully Crowley cuz he stinks and he sucks c0ck and b4-

I'm just goofing around 😭

In my little bubble world, they'd be neither (or both if you wanna see it from that POV)

Let's start with this:

If we take the definition of a traditional husband, which is basically "i work and do nothing else cuz I'm a man and men have their mommies i mean wives do everything for them" and take the Work part away, which is what we'd do if we were to place the ineffables in the south downs aka their retirement shack, then you get a useless fuck

And in reality, they both do jackshit (that's the whole premise of s1) so????? does that mean they're both husbands???

For further insight let's try to affirm Aziraphale is the housewife.

Aziraphale bakes, so he's probably a decent cook too; that's "housewife" material. He also happens to be very pretty and plump and a blonde, which I've been told are pretty ladylike things to be (/sarcasm)

(There are no pretty male blondes in ba sing se good omens)

He dresses in light, dainty clothing and talks with an accent only girls and women talk with, as well as getting his nails done and using make up for his magic act, and he says "please" and "thank you", which are things only women do (I'M BEING SARCASTIC. I'M BEING VERY SARCASTIC. god i hate gender rolesAAAA)

Now this is where the comparisons end cuz let's face it, Aziraphale is a lazy fuck.

You KNOW the bookshop smells like mold and he just miracles it clean every now and then.

He'd rather sit his plump (pretty) blond ass on the couch and read the day away than actually get to doing the baking and cooking or caring for the kids (plants) if it's not a hobby activity

Now let's do the opposite and try to affirm Crowley as the housewife.

He's clean (does the cleaning), he's of service when needed, he organizes when he's stressed (read the book), he- he drives a car...

OH SHIT. MAN ACTIVITY!!!!!🤯🤯🤯 (we're still being sarcastic here, it's not over EFJSJF)

In all seriousness though, trying to fit these two into gender roles, even as a joke is kinda difficult even in headcanon-land ajbfsnf

At least that's my opinion

For every traditionally "feminine" thing you have one of them do, the other outdoes that by a mile. And vice versa with the traditionally "masculine" things, like "being useless" and "car" /sarcasm is back.

So which one would be which? I think they're both dumbasses who fight over who gets to do what in the household (neither of them wants to do anything except for cuddling) and come up with an agreement to divide each chore :)

y'know, like normal people in a functional marriage (my parents lol)

[aphidclan-clangen]

Hi! Happy 2025 :D

You've done an amazing job this past year, Iridis! AphidClan is one of the only clangens I can follow without getting lost or bored within a few updates (including one of my own I tried to start lol); your designs are instantly recognizable and eye-catching, the darker lore is balanced out with enough cute, light moments that it never feels overwhelming or overcomplicated, you express such a wide range of emotions and dynamics so well! Plus the diversity in your character base and your care towards representing a variety of identities, just makes me so happy to see. Everything about this comic is so uniquely creative, it's honestly incredibly impressive.

Obviously nothing against other clangens– just that yours has something special I've been unable to find elsewhere :]

Thank you for everything you've done this year, and I hope the next goes well for you 💞

AWWWW man thank you so much <33 This is so sweet and honestly relieving to hear lol, I often feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing with Aphidclan. Like it’s a constant hazy state of cluelessness that I’ve just grown used to. Im not very aware of like… what my work reads as to others? Man I dunno if you guys even know what’s going on lmao. So it’s really nice to hear an outside perspective and realize that’s probably just a me thing. And that it’s impressive??? Damn, man, thank you lol

I’ve never quite done anything like Aphidclan before. It started at a time in my life when I was…technically my gender exploration journey started months earlier than this, but it was kinda started at the cusp of my own gender identity exploration,,explosion. The first thing I wanted to explore was being xenogender (other folk go from “cisgender —> maybe I’m non-binary or trans…” in their journey like normal people but nah man. before anything else occurred to me I went from “im cisgender” to “maybe I’m a neon rainbow insect with neopronouns actually :)” lmao) and that coincided really well with the rise of the clangen trend, so I figured I’d use some brand new OCs to explore gender identity in a…safe way? In a safe little pocket where it was all,,,nonconsequential and only tangential to my own identity. And I ended up exploring transgender and non-binary identities as well very frequently, which was mostly helped by the game giving me cats with assigned genders/sexes and me squinting at them and going “…nah. that’s a unicorncore trans man if I ever seen one” and reversing it, and then transing half the cast lmao.

I was not transgender going into this comic. I am now coming out of our first year with Aphidclan as a transmasc nonbinary man <3

I never intended it to be a thing for representation points exactly? I was certainly surprised by the lack of xenogender and more complicated/unusual LGBTQ gender identities depicted in all media ever! I still don’t really understand why something like neopronouns aren’t more present? They’re the coolest shit ever. Like- we’ve broken down gender norms and gender roles so much that now gender is not just “feminine” and “masculine,” it’s anything and everything you could ever want it to be. It’s ultimate freedom. It’s not just what it means to be “man” or “woman,” it’s “but what if I was more than that? What if I felt like a bug? Or a rainbow? Or a cloud? Or a connection to nature and the ocean and the stars? What if I felt like I was part of the universe? Or a music genre, or a concept, or a candy bar, an animal, a fairy, a slice of fruit!” You could be anything you’ve ever dreamed of being and more.

And once you get used to the funky grammar of neopronouns, it’s not that polarizingly different from other identities at all, honestly. And plus, it’s really fkin fun lol.

Aphidclan’s helped me explore a lot throughout this year. There were often times where I was struggling with my own femininity as a trans man and I remembered Firebeetle and the support I’ve received for his character, and using “well, if it’s okay for firebeetle to wear dresses and flowers and feminine things, then it’s okay for me to do that too, and it doesn’t invalidate my identity at all” and it really helped. 2024 was a great year for me creatively and exploration-wise, and I’ll certainly never be the same. Thank you guys for all your support, it means a lot <3

[zan0tix]

I yap so much about the comic and the importance i find in its contents but i hope when i write dirk or jake or rlly any of them it doesnt come off as me dumbing them down😭

I know the core internal mechanisms at which they all operate from otherwise i wouldnt understand why they even do what they do and why they speak how they do since that is so crucial to analysis of their behaviour and Why they were written.

But i mostly write silly scenarios so the deeper messier parts dont get to show much😭 working on deeper things tho rest assured i am locking in🫡🫡🫡

I try to match the tones of how i believe the characters would act continuing off the ending of homestuck. With dirk and jake specifically i try to write them to where they still both kinda dont say everything they need to but they dont have the weight of narrative destiny on their shoulders anymore so they can admit they like spending time together and have actually confessed like normal people and got out those apologies they kept yammering on about in the last half of act 6

I try to reinvoke the ridiculous nature of the one time we really see the real dirk and jake talk (which was actually a dreambubble memory. jake is so gay.) but i try to make it feel how that did, they really do love spending time together and just being weird and cringe and bantering about stupid shit ❤️(the most we see dirk type laugh in the comic)

(Always Highly recommend reading this log if you havent in a while. Its just such good writing theyre so funny) https://www.homestuck.com/story/4844

I feel like the Best Bros part of dirkjake kinda gets lost alot of the time considering THEY NEVER SPEAK DIRECTLY (which is insane that hussie could craft this universe bending gender norm shattering yaoi with no fucking interactions wtf anyway) but there is alot you can gleam from jakes interactions with hal and this one log to tell us how they usually speak

Dirk always veers into making homoerotic comments because.. i dunno he might have feelings for jake or something whos to say. and when jake presses him dirk immediately diverts. I think from being around dave and everything daves realised thats bullshit about masculine standards and heroism that let him have a healthier relationship to masculinity, hearing abt that would loosen dirk up about Actually being affectionate to jake

But hes still somehow trying to no homo his way out of things that are incredibly homo just in a subtler way, not immediately going “Haha, what? I never said that. Anyway.” (Its both out of his fear for what his true identity means about him as a man but also because he doesnt think he deserves to get such affections cough thinks himself an evil)

And jake was always going with the flow. If his friends socially decreed something as okay to talk about then the fucking damn burst open and he couldnt keep it in anymore but they had to Very Clearly Clarify with him about it. So i think dirk going down a more positive road would lead jake there too seeing that if its okay for dirk to be less restrictive with his feelings jake can be too.

The Epilogues has a highly specific premise and was being manned by caliborn and calliope 2.0 cranked to the max in the deranged fanfic behaviour so. Of course it would not be a healthy environment for characters to grow💀 anyone who takes it as full confirmation about how theyd act or become as adults and ignores the fact of its premise Being “Homestuck but Sick and Twisted; The Fanfiction” is kind of stupid its like saying homosuck was in character. Ofc everybodys lives goes to shit because the two running the show dont know how the hell to be good puppeteers 😭

Said it on twitter but you can tell how much a dirk hates himself based on his relationship to a jake. Because tho ult dirk wouldnt ever admit it jake is dirks anchor of self worth just as dirk is jakes. When they show compassion and kindness to one another its a step closer to self acceptance because Jake is quite frankly a living embodiment of EVERYTHING that is “wrong” (queer, cringe, sincere, feminine) about Dirk to himself in his saviour complex surrounding manhood. (See Everything caliborn says about jake) jakes always waiting for dirk. If dirk were to step down and admit his own humanity itd mean hed have to accept he is capable of growing and isnt inherently evil, and jake would be ready to embrace that about himself too

Anyway all that to say. Even in my simple silly writing i at least do try to retain dirk and jakes strange emotional dodging olympics but also its just on a smaller level since theyve inching their way to fully internalising that Its Okay to be Cringe and Gay Together❤️ because the World isnt Ending anymore. Its in the little things they dont say because haha im the one who makes them say words.

Dirk and jake hate themselves because theyre not men in the right way but their love is because of them not being men in the right way so.. nerm.. Whos flying the plane?

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.2

The thing is Paul just physically can't say what he feels. It's just an impossibility for him. So if he says reading a negative article about himself “doesn't help” or “it's not good” but it “doesn't get home” I just assume he means ‘It hurts, but I can't think about that too hard or I'll go into a self-hate suicidal spiral again’. 

I always love how Paul says Linda. “Linder is er, nature mad.” 

She!!

Hearing Paul talk about watching Mary be born makes me wonder if John was there with Sean? Also I wonder if Linda would talk about the experience so glowingly. Probably. She's tough as nails. I had a lovely experience, personally, after the epidural lol

“Dear friend . . . I'm in love with a friend of mine.” This is such a strange and beautiful song. It's a man who has to apologize to his friend for falling in love with someone else. At least, that's my interpretation. What's everyone else's?

I understand why he's so closed off. I do. But when John is going off every five seconds, we're missing half the picture here and it's turning out warped. They really are such a good study of attachment honestly.

“Nothing will ever break the love we have for each other.” White-knuckling my way through this section with this quote clenched in my fist.

Yoko, talking about John fighting with Paul: any couple will go from swearing to kissing and it's like that. What favors are you doing yourself here, babe? Maybe John's the PR mastermind between the two of them.

I find John's comparison of working with his romantic partner to being ambidextrous very confusing. Does he mean just doing two things at once?

“If I can't have a fight with my best friend, I don't know who I can have a fight with.” -- Intro slutty gender-fluid Wings Paul my beloved -- “Tell me why, why, why do you treat me so bad? So bad? When you're the best friend a man ever had?” I heard on some podcast somewhere. Someone was going on about how forward-thinking the Beatles were to refer to the women in their songs as “friends”. And I was like, nununununu do not give them that credit.

This is just soooo. In this era? 90 minutes in the middle of a recording session?

John: Sorry, my estranged fiance is calling, gotta take a break. Guitarist: again? Drummer: how estranged can they be if they call every three minutes? Yoko: should we just record the other parts or . . . John: (receiver cradled to his cheek, lovesick grin on his face) Hey, how was Heather's school program? Haha, yeah, I bet she was.

Okay, so you've made up with Paul and now you're done being homophobic? *Cardi b voice* well that's suspicious. 

The fact that John's asking Paul to play on stage with him in 1972?? Ugh! If it was just about legalities and money and shit I would be genuinely so pissed at Paul for not going. If only because Come Together sounds incredibly lame without his bass and piano. But also for the obvious fix-it reasons. I have to remind myself of how truly awful Klein was. By being the only one to stand firm against him, Paul actually ended up saving them all from a lot of trouble. But gosh would this have been good!

Things normal people say, for sure, for sure.

Okay in my head it went like this. John calls George and bitches about what an egomaniac Paul is because he won't do anything with him as long as Klein is involved. George gets off the phone and calls Ringo and they make a bet as to how long it is until John decides they should get rid of Klein. 

“Where's your audience, Paul?” “In the theater, Dave.” As he should. The cuntiness is unparalleled. Yeah, maybe people like to see a family friendly eclectic magic pixie sexy hard rock floor show? Ever thought about that, Dave?

Anyway, he seems genuinely pissed when the interviewer even mentions the other Beatles and he refuses to even admit he still talks to any of them. Why? 

John's just so benevolent and selfless. He's completely straight, of course, but he's always offering to do gay shit. You know. To be nice. 

I forget that not only was May their literal employee, but she was ten years younger on top of that. And yet, she managed to do so much good in that relationship. I have so much respect for her. 

There's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes that they don't say in interviews. Duh. But I wonder what it is that caused Paul to be so open and happy in this interview where he's asked about the other Beatles compared to before. I wonder if he and John had a really lovely talk, or if he's heard a demo of “I know, I know.” Or maybe it's just he's so reassured that they've got rid of Klein that he feels safe acting open to a reunion on record. Who knows, Yoko. 

So so smart to pair “In My Life” handwritten lyrics with the matching lyrics of “I know I know” playing at the same time. I forget about that connection (“I love you more”) because it's so overshadowed by the “than yesterday” right after. I seriously wonder if John thought he was being so obvious with this one the way he was with HDYS and half hoped people would ask him if it was about Paul and he could make up for the whole thing. Because it's just so heavy-handed. It's beautiful. I love it. I'm sure Paul loved it. But yeah. John's just beating us over the head with the references here. 

I also wonder (very tentatively!!!) if Paul was maybe a bit more emotionally vulnerable with John than we usually think. I would never think this except for the “you know I nearly broke down and cried” “I'm sorry that I made you cry” and “no more crying!” I don't know. What do we think? 

His little baby smirk. It's so silly and cute. He's being very positive about getting back together, and the interviewer asks if John would initiate that. Just a very coy, “a, well, I couldn't say.” I wonder if at that point if he'd said on live tv that he wanted to get together again if it would've happened. Seems like it might have, but I understand him being scared. 

Elton John taking pictures like a fan and John: I wanna impound all those photos till I get me green card. What a random idea for a commercial. I love it, obviously, it's hilarious. I wonder who thought of it. 

This doc is so good at implication. The smirk as “loving in the palm of my hand” plays. That's not a reference to hand jobs, is it? Certainly not talking to someone with beautiful hands?

Everyone go look up Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five on YouTube. The singing sex is something else, yeah, but I'm always so blown away by the piano part. The fact that he's self taught and doesn't read music and this man will go on to compose symphonies. 

[indiestsnake]

I am of the opinion that In Stars and Time does the best kind of minority representation, that being silent representation. It does not explicitly state that it is doing representation. It does not even acknowledge any variety of “us vs them” conflict. It just shows us a world where it’s a normal thing.

Lemme explain. In the game, there’s this random conversation about how in vaugarde, most people have multiple names. Just cuz it’s a thing with their culture of change. And they mention that it’s helpful for changing genders cuz you’d already have a few choices from ur other names. And then Odile says “ok what are ur guy’s other names if u don’t mind” and Isabeau says:

“I’ll keep them secret. So that way, if I ever decide to change again, you guys won’t already know what to call me.”

THAT.

THAT RIGHT THERE. TAHT IS THE SHIT.

It implies that Isabeau is FTM bcuz he used He/Him. BUT ISABEAU ALREADY PRESENTS LIKE AN EXTREMLEY FEMININE CIS DUDE. THE GUY HAS HANDS THAT COULD CRUSH SKULLS YET PAINTS HIS NAILS.

So to the characters, it’s a normal sentence. But to us (or at least me, a dude still shaking off growing up in an environment where cis/het is the norm) it’s a fucking liver shot bcuz it raises a million questions about his preffered gender and appearance and how it works and all that non-conforming stuff that left me REELING from confusion. AND THEN THEY JUST MOVE ON ITS PERFECT

it does not give any fuel to the idea that Trans folk are abnormal because it doesn’t even bring up the concept. it spits in the face of cis/het being “normal”. And completely avoids subconsciously reinforcing that being Trans is fundamentally odd.

I have no clue if this is coherent but I love representation like this. Representation that treats itself as representation can lead to a subconscious undertone that lgbt people are weird or abnormal, even if they’re accepted. “Oh they’re definitely weird, but we love them anyway!” Is what it ends up reading as to me. But silent representation, the representation In Stars and Time does, ends up feeling like “they are people, and we love them.” It fully normalizes it. It shatters the barrier between Cis and Trans, Straight and Gay and all that.

Very sorry if this is nonsense or comes off as rude. I love gay people I swear I am a gay people actually. I just wanted to talk about this. In Stars and Time punched the cis/het side of me in the nose and I love it for that.

[featherquillpen]

My favorite Hubert support chains in Three Houses

My favorite Hubert supports and why I like them so much! Some possibly controversial opinions ahead! YOLO.

Hubert & Petra

I think the Hubert/Petra support chain is really underrated. There's a ton of Discourse about the Ingrid/Dedue support chain and racism and the overcoming thereof. But the Hubert and Petra support chain does a great job, I think, of showing someone working on their own racism. Hubert's behavior toward Petra in their C support is appalling, and I think Hubert's worst on-screen behavior. It's either the C support with Petra, or his threats toward her and Brigid on the Petra and Bernie paralogue in non-Crimson Flower routes.

The context is all-important. Petra is a political hostage. She was brought over to the Adrestian court at age 9. Hubert is an Adrestian noble. At the time of the C support pre-TS, Hubert is 20 and Petra is 15. The power dynamic between them is deeply skewed in Hubert's favor. He could do nearly anything to her short of kill her, and get away scot-free. It's pretty much Hubert's modus operandi to threaten people in C supports, because he's so paranoid about any potential enemy of Edelgard's. But to do so to someone who is already so utterly in his power, and Edelgard's, is just cruel.

The B support is still fairly bad. But in the A support, Hubert turns it around.

Hubert is now clear that he believes in the new accord between Brigid and the Empire. Indeed, it's obvious by implication, and more clearly spelled out in Hopes, that he was part of making that accord. And now he's stripped of his last excuse to keep judging Petra. I think one of the highest compliments Hubert can give is to say something like this:

Overall, I love this support as an example of a character working on their racist bullshit.

(I will briefly add that I adore their support chain in Three Hopes also. In that chain, it's Petra's turn to threaten Hubert, and he's SO INTO IT. Just like "Oh shit, a good threat. I respect that so much.")

Hubert & Dorothea

Talking of threatening people in C supports, you know who Hubert doesn't threaten in their C support? Dorothea.

Hubert just likes Dorothea right away. No threats. In fact he's quite open about his feelings about Edelgard right in the C support, and that's a very personal topic!

The whole support chain is about love. And it's even better because their ending together is platonic. And about being spies together, which is so sick. (As far as I can tell, and let the internet correct me if I'm wrong, Hubert is the male ("male") character with the most platonic endings with women, after Alois, who is already married.) I really love it because Hubert opens up very deeply to Dorothea about his feelings for Edelgard. As an aro-spec person, I really relate to the way Hubert and Dorothea talk about Hubert's feelings for Edelgard.

it's very lovely character growth for Dorothea because she sees how profound and transformative non-romantic love can be. That she doesn't need to have romantic love in her life to be happy, whatever society has told her about the necessity of marriage for women to be happy. And that's reflected in the fact that she has a platonic ending with Hubert.

I just can't find their A support anything but hilarious in the best way. They're talking about love, and superficially it's about them getting married, but they don't get married in their ending or have any romantic relationship, and the subtext is screaming that the A support is completely about both their feelings for Edelgard.

I'll take "very normal things to say when you're proposing to someone" for 500, Alex.

Hubert & Bernadetta

I have said it before and I will say it again: you can easily read a metaphor into this support about Bernie giving Hubert space to be gender non conforming or trans femme.

Bernie is way more scared of men than women, and behaves accordingly in their C support, but Hubert then expresses great gentleness toward Bernie and also a deep discomfort with this "scary vampire man" persona, which is sometimes useful but more often painful and heartbreaking. Bernie is really sweet and understanding about this, and even makes that flower in the A support, which you can interpret as Bernie saying "I see this side of you that doesn't fit into masculinity and I want to help you express it." After all, as Hubert says, it's a gift you'd give a female friend, or someone you have romantic feelings for.

What I really like about the moment where Bernie gives Hubert the flower is that it's a moment of Hubert being the one who needs support, through this feeling of pain and uncertainty about this frightening ghoul persona, and Bernie doing the caring. A lot of Bernie's supports are about people trying to help and support Bernie. And that's great! But I love that in this support chain, Bernie also gets to do the supporting.

That dynamic continues in their amazing paired ending, where Bernie goes on great adventures and Hubert stays at home and keeps house. Incredible. Iconic. Let Hubert be GNC. Let Hubert be a housewife.

Hubert & Ferdinand

Much has been said about this support, but I think I have a new take that I haven't seen before. Something that Hubert says to Ferdinand in Hopes helped me really unlock something important about their support chain in Houses.

In Hopes, Hubert and Ferdie are talking about Ludwig, and while Ferdie expresses hope that maybe his father can change, Hubert says something like, "Once someone strays from the path, they can never return." This reflects a broader aspect of Hubert's character, which is that he doesn't seem to believe in redemption. Not for nobles. Not for anyone who's done wrong. Especially not for himself.

Ferdinand does believe in redemption. Not only believes in it, but embodies it. Ferdinand has a remarkable redemption arc. Hubert in the C support with Ferdinand in Houses clearly believes that because of Ferdinand's really fucked up beliefs about nobility and about the power he deserves, Ferdie has strayed from the path and can never return. He's a lost cause. But then Ferdinand proves him wrong.

I think what a lot of fandom gets wrong about this relationship is that they think that Ferdie proved Hubert wrong because he was actually a good guy all along. That's not true. Ferdie pre-timeskip is in many ways genuinely toxic. He secretly believes that he should be Emperor. He bangs on about being the only legitimate heir of House Aegir, and his Aegir bloodline, all of this noble bloodline eugenics stuff that is ruining his classmates' lives. And in three out of four routes, he fights against Edelgard to preserve his noble power and prevent her taking it away from him, upholding this entire rotten system. But in Crimson Flower, he proves Hubert wrong, because he proves that people who stray from the path can return. That phrasing in Hopes about returning to the path gives me some feels, because in Judaism, the word for redemption, teshuvah, basically means "return." It's a belief in the goodness of people. You were on the path to start with. You left it, but you're returning. You're going back to your own fundamental goodness and ability to follow the path.

I think a big reason why Hubert is so impressed with Ferdie by the end of their support chain, and why he comes to love him, is because he proved to Hubert that people can change and can be redeemed. And if that's true of Ferdie…. then maybe that can also be true for Hubert. Ferdinand represents hope. Not just hope for a future after the war, with his visions of education for the masses, but hope that anyone, even the most spoiled noble, even a soul blackened by murder and moral compromise, can work toward redemption. I think it's really beautiful.

And then we get the A+ support which is just pure gay disaster tire fire. Absolute nightmares, both of them.

I find the Ferdibert paired ending deeply funny. Hubert thought he'd die in a ditch and be remembered as the Butcher of Fodlan or something, and now he's a Twin Jewel who everyone thinks is based. I'm also amused by the detail in the JP version of their ending where Edelgard is jealous of their romance. Poor Edie going "where's MY gay enemies to lovers slow burn, HUH?"

Hubert & Edelgard

Agggghhhhhkkkggghhkkkk so. Um. Finally. Last but not least. The Hubert and Edelgard support chain. This is my Hubert stan account origin story. This relationship is what made me go "I need to understand every last thing about Hubert von Vestra." Because here we have Hubert, who is leaving chloroform-soaked rags lying around, looming like a vampyr, cackling unhingedly in crit lines, and threatening people left and right in C supports, and then you see Hubert and Edelgard's C. And that's when you first get to see the real Hubert. That bright heart.

The direct JP-EN translation of this is "I shall make a show of spilling blood to paint the scarlet path1 you tread," where 'scarlet path' is a reference to the walkway in a theater, which is so sexy of Hubert to say.

I also love the C support because she's opening the door wide open for Hubert to leave. It shows the importance of consent and freedom in their relationship. All the people who talk about Hubert being "brainwashed" or "manipulated" into his role clearly left their brains at the door during this support.

I don't even know what to say about the B support, it's just the best. It's perfect. My heart is filled with rainbows. Nobody does it like them. Though I do love that at the end of the B support Edelgard's like "tell me ur secrets Hubert!!!" and he's like "OH LOOK AT THE TIME I GOTTA GO" and flees.

I can't talk about the A support without referring to the Teaspoon Translation because the EN is so badly botched. When I first saw their A support, I was disappointed. And then I discovered it was Treehouse at it again.

JP Edelgard would never dare assume that Hubert is heterosexual.

I also adore the JP version of their paired ending, from Teaspoon:

In their later years, after accomplishing what they set out to do, they found a talented successor and disappeared. Even in their retirement, spent just by themselves, there were likely no romantic exchanges even to the end.

Queerplatonic partner icons. Shipping is nice and all, but no romantic relationship between characters in this game will ever appeal to me more than what Hubert and Edelgard have going on.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

How do you think the spider gang would react to Gwen coming out as trans? I think they'd all be supportive, but I'm curious if you have details

I am going to be honest with you anon, I had been looking at this question for weeks, thinking about it, and...I am not coming up with much.

I am trans, I don't have that much experience with people reacting to that- and I am not making any more comments about that.

Going back to the original question- I think all of them would be supportive; regardless of background or history, I feel doing anything else would be a disservice to the characters, and also, a type of story I really don't have interest entertaining, (Would Noir, being from 40s, be reasonable to have his apprehensions and need to overcome it? Yes, I am interested in seeing something like that? Personally, fuck no.)

Now, it doesn't mean there cannot be hiccups- all well intending, of course.

(Specific characters under the cut because, as always with me, it got long.)

Peter B I see going over the top; talking how brave Gwen is, and that he supports her no matter what, he also reads a book on trans people and tell hims about the people in his universe who are trans. Gwen appreciates it, but it can be uncomfortable at times.

Noir, regardless of time period, would be supportive, but mixes up terminology. The poor guy already struggles with the pop culture lingo, so throwing queer lingo into the mix can make things awkward; specially since, as a spider-man, he has defended the marginalized people of his dimension and is aware of the community, but- that community had its own terminology that may not be appreciated to day. Is a growing curve.

In my opinion, Ham is a much of a man as Bugs Bunny, meaning gender isn't as important as commitment to the bit; so I can see him busting a dress all of the sudden and saying "I get you sis." Accordingly, if asked about his own gender, he is pretty much "normally a guy, but in general whatever fits better with the scene."

Peni I headcanon as nonbinary, so I think she would be happy to meet another person who isn't cis. Definitely would have lots of talk about presentation, tricks for clothes a make up, the works.

Margo is cool about it, there isn't much to say there; she just tells Gwen that it doesn't change anything between them, and she is still invited to come for the slumber parties (Margo has thrown a bunch in the Spider-Society, because anything to spend as little time mentally at home as possible.)

Pavitr: "Oh so you are like a hijra? That's so cool!" (This is a term from a place I am not from, so I can't talk in length about it, feel free to look it up because it is indeed, very cool.) While not the same, he ends up telling more about how people in his dimension see transgender people, Gwen finds it overall really interesting.

Hobie is, of course, cool about it. He is a punk, noncomformist, and "hates labels," he could probably tell Gwen a stupid amount of things about queer history, intersectionally, so far and so forth. Despite using he/him pronouns, I believe with all my heart Hobie would not give a shit about gender roles and dress how he likes, and be okay with any pronouns. This has nothing to do with your question, but I headcanon that Hobie has been the queer awakening of many other teens of the Spider-Society as he strolls down in whatever outfit he feels like it.

Now Miles, is obviously supportive. I think he may be oblivious to many things (I headcanon him as bi for a long awhile, but I am not sure if that's something he knows already or has yet to discover,) so he asks questions, but is always respectful and has no trouble answering. Overall, Gwen thinks is cute how much Miles dotes on her, and reminding her that she will always be the prettiest girl alive to him.

Huh, I guess I had more to say that I expected, this was fun! Thanks for the question and sorry for the delay.

[imagine-shenanigans]

hey guys i haven't even had a chance to see atsv yet i just know spoilers and i want this man biblically, i'm talking carnally, i want him in a way that hurts feminism, i want to bring the whole damn movement down so i can be his stupid little housewife and raise his damn kids so i can watch him be happy and then also get railed into losing every brain cell i have

anyway here's some abo headcanons, they include spoilers for the movie/his backstory probably because idk what is and isnt a spoiler because i havent seen it yet.

also this one works a bit differently than my normal layout, it goes SFW and then dips NSFW and ends with more SFW but they're all clearly labeled!

Reader is written gender neutral with they/them and the nsfw section has afab and amab sections, but since I'm Nonbinary and AFAB that's probably how it's gonna come off for most of the reading, just to warn you!

Miguel O'Hara x Reader N/SFW ABO Headcanons

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5k words

Content Warnings (tell me if I miss any): Dubcon, ABO, Obsessive Behavior, Toxic behavior, Omega reader, Alpha Miguel

For these headcanons we're gonna exist in a weird liminal space where Gabi is like, five to six or so and he brought her home with him or some shit idk man I just think he's a hot single father anwyay, also this is assuming omega reader because i think it's hot

if anyone wants a version where Miguel follows more canon and he still lost his kid and came back you're free to request that too i love that shit, just for this specific one i wanna raise his damn kids so-

SFW

Alpha, big alpha energies.

Miguel is the type of guy who's pretty obsessive with what he claims as his, I would honestly say borderline yandere vibes without fully delving into it - his mental state in this au/situation is also a lot better since he still has his daughter, so he's genuinely a lot less "feral" than he tends to get without her, even though in this we'll say he did almost lose her.

So when he claims someone, he's going to be damn sure he means it.

This ones a bit of a general headcanon but he doesn't really have a type when it comes to the people he likes, other than he needs someone who's interesting to him. Whether it's because you're hotheaded, or even keeled, whether you're snarky or sweet, he just needs something for his brain to latch onto.

Not a love at first sight guy but he is an "obsession I can't place" kind of guy.

Miguel has really enhanced senses when it comes to scenting, so it takes some damn strong suppressants and scent blockers to completely block him out... which if we're pretending reader here is falling with the abo trope of "hiding being an omega" (which we are because I love tropes) is just what gets him obsessed. Clothing and perfume that masks your scent, suppressants and scent blockers, and a confident attitude are all enough to throw most people off the (forgive my pun) scent.

But not Miguel.

His spider DNA has the animalistic side to it that fucks with his hormones regardless, makes it easier for him to pick up on the pheromones that even most attentive alphas can't, he's damn near a personal lie detector with how smart he is and how attuned he is to what his nose and instincts tell him, even when he's using serums to keep the more feral urges at bay.

He can only get a whiff of you, fainter than most betas, and it drives him fucking insane knowing he can smell something but he can't figure it out. He can't place it, and it nags at his brain. He can smell a whiff of flowers, or sugar, or something undeniably citrus (depending on what you headcanon your own smell to be) but he can't place it and he hates that shit.

Ends up pulling some traditional alpha shit and he can't even help it, starts trying to crowd you until you kick him in the shin or Peter B or Jess shoos him away. He has to figure out what it is, he has to know.

It only gets worse when he brings Gabi in (a babysitter fell through) and you end up butting your way in to play with Gabi and Mayday, delighting in watching them for the day instead of whatever you were supposed to be doing. They're both so cute and sweet.

Gabi smells primarily like cinnamon and a bit like dewey grass - she's not old enough to have presented yet, but her basic scent, unaffected by the secondary gender hormones, is simple and sweet, reminds you of a summer morning.

She takes after her father in that regard - Miguel smells *warm* and a bit musky, like trees and cinnamon and, a bit like a camp fire. A small tinge of oil, when you pick it apart, and you can't tell if its from the lingering scent on his skin after fixing a broken machine nobody else could, or if that's part of his natural scent.

(Mayday smells like marshmallows, and carmel, funnily enough)

When you take care of Gabi and Mayday, your scent lingers on their skin, mixes and twists in a way that Peter B can't notice but Miguel can. It's all he can do not to be a damn freak and pick his baby girl up and sniff her hair to try and figure out why she smells like that (not in a creepy way, to clarify because there are some freaks on here, but in the same way a dog gets baffled by smelling you use a new perfume, or in the way of when you pick your kid up and go "WHY DO I SMELL CANDLES ON YOU WHAT WERE YOU DOING")

He almost can't stand how his head swims when he watches you pick Gabi up and gently throw her up in the air a bit, watching you let her climb onto you while you're distracted just like Mayday does. Soothe her tears when she accidentally breaks a toy because she's still learning to control her super strength.

He doesn't know that he wants you either, not until long after he's already manifested feelings. Doesn't realize how protective he is, doesn't realize how differently he treats you. He doesn't realize he's lingering in your area just long enough to make sure he can fill his nose with the faint scent you give off.

He assumes you're a beta - not that it mattered to him, really. Miguel would just as soon marry another alpha as he would a beta or an omega, as long as it's you.

He doesn't realize what he's doing until he's got a piece of your clothing in his hands, holding it in the dead of night up to his nose. A scarf or a glove or a jacket you'd leant to Gabi during the day and she'd spilled her juice on it and he'd taken it home to wash it.

He can smell his daughter's scent, louder than life, so familiar he could have a handful of pepper thrown at him and he'd still be able to wrap his arms around her and move her out of harm's way in the direst of straits.

And then there's yours, linger, mingling with his daughter's scent, and it's the parent of his child.

It's not, it's not the woman who birthed Gabi, it's not the woman who contributed to making her. It's you, the only other person he ever wants near his child in that capacity. And it's intoxicating. It's infuriating. It's overwhelming because the full breadth of his own emotions is so strong as he realizes what he's been doing. And he can't even tell you because he holds himself to a specific standard, a specific code of ethics, and even though he wants to risk it all just so his hindbrain (both alpha and spider and his own human instincts all mingling in one) can have his little loves all wrapped up in his arms, safe where he can protect them.

He only just has the strength to wash the piece of cloth and return it. It takes everything he has not to cling to it, to make a pretty little nest to protect his family in, webs and pillows and fabric, a basis of protection so you can properly make it your own and -

He controls himself, and returns the scarf the next day, leaving it on your desk because he can't bear to look you in the eyes.

The days struggle by, a stark contrast to his normal snark, to lingering in your space and snorting and rolling his eyes. To being by your side more than he normally is. It's disheartening, it makes you feel rejected, and he knows it.

But he doesn't stop, this tension that can cut through the air lingering. Even Gabi and May notice it, the older girl frowning and the younger fussing when the two of you are in the room together.

And then your heat happens.

(brief bullet point break because there's a limit to how much you can have in one bulleted section on tumblr and I don't remember what it is but I'd rather just break here)

You've been on suppressants and scent blockers for years now. Being in your line of work (whether you headcanon this as a spiderperson version of you, or a different kind of superhero, or a civillian all working in the society) it's necessary. Omegas aren't rare but they're not the majority of the population like betas are. In Nueva York, it's a coin toss if you'll be fought over in the streets like some prize to be won, or if you'll be coddled like a child who can't figure out what's best for them.

It's half safety half preference at this point, from your original universe's standard (before it had burnt to cinders before you), and this one's. Your suit, your meds, and your behavior, they're all meant to mask and confuse.

But you can only make it so long on the prescription you've got, the long-lasting shots that were more reliable than a pill. The scent blockers go first - not by design, but by chance. You'd been giving yourself lower doses since you'd wound up in Nueva York, supplementing it with deodorants and lotions swiped from stores and hospitals that could afford to spare the supplies when you can't buy it covertly. But you'd still been low in comparison to your suppressants.

You shower more frequently, lather yourself with soaps and deodorants and lotions of different scents and ones that have blocking effects, and for the most part it works. You can't quite fool Gabi - too smart, too tuned in to your emotions like her father could be. She's got a sharp nose, and she wrinkles it when she can smell how confusing your scent is. She asks questions, and you can't lie your way out of it, but you are able to bribe her so she's distracted long enough that she forgets the question. Miguel notices, when he picks up Gabi, but he can't quite figure out exactly what's wrong, and you leave so fast (he assumes with the tension that lingers between the two of you) that he can't figure it out.

You're so certain you're in the clear.

But then your shots run out, and even you can't get more without a prescription. And while your health information would never go through Miguel, you know that the medispiders have to go through him or Lyla for any heavy duty things like suppressants, because they have to be resourced more carefully.

And your last doctor, although wildly shady, and incompetent, and operating out of an apartment, was right about one thing - suppressants will rot you from the inside out if you're not careful. If you don't let a natural heat occur, it will only be worse in the long run. (Although you suppose he probably had a greasier, grosser reason for telling you that.)

And rot you from the inside they have - all your natural reactions to a heat, all your normal bodily functions don't work properly, when confronted with something they haven't seen in years. You know within seconds of your suppressants flushing out of your system what's going on. You're still in the pre-heat phase of things, and you feel like you're dying. You aren't, and you know you aren't, but you feel nauseous and feverish and incoherent within an hour tops. Only long enough to let you panic and send a text to Miguel that you can't watch Gabi like you'd planned. That you're going out ad you won't be back awhile. You leave your phone in your room, when you pack your bag and head for the nearest somewhat reputable hotel that you can afford. You brace the door with the dresser, explicit instructions left for the front desk to, under no circumstances, contact you for the next week.

You get an order of pre-made meals to slap into the fridge, water and juice and all sorts of drinks and things shoved haphazardly inside once the bot brings it in through the window. You're barely coherent enough to retain control to crush the landline, rendering it inoperable, before you barricade the rest of the room.

You're definitely not in control when you nest, blankets and pillows and clothing all thrown haphazardly around as you go fully out of your gourd.

You're damn well out of your mind by the time you would have normally realized the card you were using was in Miguel's name.

(another very brief line break in this portion for drama but also so I don't hit any limits)

Miguel is pissed when you leave so suddenly.

Sure, he's been avoiding you, and sure, you aren't actually together, but you're his damn it. You don't know it, and sure, he's not going to acknowledge it out loud until something happens, but you can't just leave him and your child and his child who loves you high and dry like that!

It's laughably easy to find you, to find the hotel you've checked into. He doesn't even wait to figure out the reason you left, he's so quick on his honestly kinda toxic bs.

Gabi is left with Peter B and Jess for a bit, and Miguel is honestly so smug that he finds you so fast. You were so sloppy about it. So quick to leave that even though you left your phone behind, in a moment of clarity, you barely bothered to take back streets. You used his own damn card he'd given you to pay for the hotel for two weeks, and to order food.

If he weren't half out of his mind with concern and anger about how quickly you left, he'd be angry you used the card without asking like you normally did.

(His hind brain purrs with it though, knowing he's provided for you)

He doesn't know what did it. Miguel genuinely doesn't know what he did to earn your ire in such a way, but he can guess. He doesn't think it's how cold he was, in the beginning, but he isn't sure that it's not how he'd warmed up to you. How, when he'd let his guard down without realizing it, that he'd flirted with you. Had that made you uncomfortable? Had every 'innocent' brush against you turned you against him? Certainly, it could be his absence, his sudden coolness and stonewalling. It could be how he refused to look at you, when you were in the room. Tried to hold his breath after he'd realized what he was doing.

He doesn't really listen to Lyla when she tries telling him things. He heard where you where, found out the room, and swiped a key before Lyla could finish talking about vital signs and behaviors. She knows to set his alerts to emergency only for the foreseeable future, because she's figured it out much quicker than he has, and she figures she'll at least spare herself the trouble. Gets Gabi set up with Jess for the night, and is on her way so she doesn't have to deal with what's about to go down.

He's surprised by the dresser in front of the door, when he tries to get in the first time. It's easy for him to move - he just lowers his center of gravity and pushes his way into the room, slamming the door shut before he can inhale.

The hotel room is nice, with a kitchenette and a small entry area with a couch and a television. The bedroom is just tucked out of sight. Exactly what he expected when he'd heard the hotel's name - he'd never been, but he recognized it.

And it's when he inhales, that he realizes why.

Your scent hits him hard and fast, chokingly sweet in the back of his throat in a way that makes his hindbrain roar. His pupils blow wide, and if he didn't have such a strong self control, he'd have torn the damn door off its hinges looking for you.

He remembers, in that moment, why he recognized the hotel. It was one that was best known for its handling of customers in heat and rut.

NSFW INTERLUDE

(We're gonna start with general headcanons and go back into the specifics of the scenario in a sec but it's all relevant fjasdkl;)

Miguel is a Dom-leaning switch, he prefers to be in control as often as possible, regardless of whether he's topping or bottoming. Nine times out of ten, he wants to fuck his partner until they're an incoherent, babbling mess, because he enjoys the power and control it gives him, enjoys the dynamic of it.

As he gets more comfortable with a partner, he's more willing to accept the idea of subbing, enjoying it more when he has someone he trusts behind the wheel, so to speak.

(Because yes, Alphas can be subs too - that's a whole thing I could get into and might if someone asks)

And Miguel, even normally, is already a possessive guy. He's needy, and stakes his claim, and when we're talking about abo Miguel?

Sheeeeeesh

The moment he scents you in the air, the moment it clicks in his brain that you're going through a rut or a heat, it goes straight to his dick.

He damn near loses it, fighting not to tear the door off its hinges as he stalks to your room. Your scent is so strong in the air that even though he knows he should turn around, he still at the very least wants to make sure you're okay. So the sight of you, face down, ass up, fingers pressing into yourself, he almost loses his damn mind.

His pretty little wife/husband/spouse coworker, his crush, is an omega. It's almost too good to be true, and he can feel his fucking fangs extend, his mouth watering as he stares at you. You're too blissed out to even realize he's there, slick dripping down your thighs like a fucking faucet... and his name is on your lips.

He could cum untouched, could die a happy, happy man after seeing this.

He has dignity, and self control though, even as the force of your hit heats him. He's genuinely concerned, a moment later, his instinct to breed to claim tampered down by his need to care.

You cling to him, hazy, feverish, and incoherent. You beg him to claim you, to mark you, to fuck you. Miguel wants to, he does... but he instead kicks his shoes off but otherwise stays fully clothed, his cock so hard it hurts as he grabs the closest bottle of water, and an ice pack, and climbs into your haphazard nest with you. He probably should have left by now, but instead he seats you against him, your back pressed to his chest, and he presses the ice pack to your forehead, ordering you to keep it there as he makes you drink water, sip by sip.

You whine, and beg, and squirm, but you obey.

He fucks you on his fingers, once he's gotten some water into you. Hard and fast, leaving you breathless, tense, until you cum all over his fingers, oversensitive as he fingerfucks you into another one, and another, arms like steel wrapped around your waist as one hand pounds into you, the other wrapped around your dick or circling hard on your clit. It's not enough to genuinely sate your heat, but it's enough to help. And he doesn't trust himself to put his own mouth to use - barely trusts himself to speak, even though most of what he growls into your ear is, strictly speaking, complete and utter nonsense as he's caught in the moment. Every time you cum, he praises you, telling you how good you are for it. How sweet you look, with tears streaming down your face, cumming so well for him.

When there's enough coherency for you to have a conversation (but not coherent enough to be mortified), Miguel is able to get the rough gist of the situation. He really can only piece together that the heat is going to be a strong one, that it came fast, and that you had panicked. There's a confession, to be had there. He agrees to help you through your heat, but only under the condition that you're his.

It's toxic, and of dubious consent at best, but he'll pull as many orgasms out of you as needed to keep you coherent enough to talk to him. He's helped an omega through a heat or two, and he knows what he's doing. He's not exactly clearheaded himself, in making the decision - but he does make sure that this is truly what you want before he proceeds.

When he's sure that it's not just the heat speaking, that you truly do care for him, that you want him to stay even after your heat has subsided, he allows himself to indulge.

Sympathy ruts are common, and it builds slowly inside of him as he indulges in his instincts. Holding you, kissing you, pressing his fingers inside of you over and over and over again until you pass out. He keeps you wrapped up in the nest, adding his shirt to the mix while you sleep, but not trusting himself to completely strip quite yet.

Miguel is an attentive alpha.

(While you sleep, he excuses himself from the nest to call his daughter, to assure her everything will be okay, and he just explains simply that you'd gotten sick, that you needed him for a bit, and that he'd be back once you were feeling better. He promises to call every night, and he works out a schedule with Peter B and Jess in the meantime.)

(When you overhear him, voice so soft, so protective, so gentle, it half makes you want to swoon, and half want to climb on his lap and fuck yourself stupid on his cock until he fills you up so you can give his daughter a sibling.)

This man is going to spend a good majority of his time pre-sympathy rut fucking you open on his fingers and his mouth. He wants to make sure you're ready, wants to make sure he can enjoy this for as long as possible.

By the end of it, he makes sure to fuck you, nice and steady, a hand on your throat and his lips on yours. He makes sure you're nice and coherent for it. He wants to make sure you remember it, when he claims you. When his (fucking horse cock, the dude's packing like ten to twelve inches which is great for my chubby bitches like me) dick fills you up so full that you're almost certain you'll break, hiccupping and sobbing as you keen and wail, the nest below you soaked as he fills you up. His fangs sink into your neck and you cum, right then, his hands grabbing your thighs so hard he's sure it will bruise. He fucks you through your orgasm, knot catching until it slips inside. He rubs your clit/tugs on your dick as he finally knots you, making sure you cum just one more time for me, cariño.

normal Miguel definitely has a claiming and breeding kink, so it's fucking intensified by ten when he's omegaverse Miguel... let alone when the man's subject to his rut. You'll be covered in scratches and bites and hickies by the time you're both coherent enough to function properly again.

Which... for Miguel, is a solid few hours of coherency at a time.

For you? You're only ever coherent in short bursts, and it's like the peak of your heat constantly for almost the full week.

This next bit just mostly borders on nsfw/has some nsfw parts so i'll put it at the end here before going back to sfw

Like I mentioned before, Miguel is a very attentive alpha.

He's going to fuck you seven different ways in an hour with his superhuman stamina, but he's also going to make sure to actually take care of you.

He makes sure you drink electrolytes and water in equal measure, makes sure you eat, and sleep, and he bathes you himself, carrying you into the shower and keeping you pressed against him as he massages your muscles and washes your hair and body with a soft cloth, using completely unscented soaps and shampoos so it doesn't overwhelm you. Presses bandages to your scrapes and bites so you'll heal faster. Cool cloths and ice packs and fever reducing medicine.

He finds he has to bribe you, during this time, even for the most basic tasks like eating and drinking, and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy having to plug you up with his cock just to get you to eat wasn't hot as hell. The fact that you need him so badly you'd rather forgo basic necessities... it's addicting. Granted, he doesn't actually let you - he's got enough control that he can make sure you're taken care of in all regards.

Back to SFW time!

After your heat itself passes, you're subject to the suppressant sickness that comes with it. Your fever has broken, but you're still nauseous and dizzy and fatigued as your body flushes everything out of your system.

Miguel is beyond pissed when he finds out why you're still sick.

It's reckless to not even have a natural heat once every six months, let alone taking your suppressants so solidly that you hadn't had one in years. If he'd known, he'd have said consequences be damned and would have bitten you the moment he walked through the door, and taken you to the hospital.

He doesn't care how embarrassed you are, when he packs all of your things back up into the sealable bags, and dresses you in his own clothing. He's almost out of his mind when he takes both of you back to HQ - only just remembering to take back corridors to the medic so they can check you over properly.

You've then got two spider people who are pissed, as the medic rants about how dangerous that was, how stupid it was that you did that, instead of just swallowing your pride and letting them help you control things. They order you on house arrest for a full month, to make sure your body can recover properly. No suppressants, no scent blockers (at least the medical kind) for a couple years, and only medicine that's medically necessary, and even then it has to be monitored more carefully.

Miguel lets the Medispider tear you a new one for a moment while he steps into the hallway, giving you privacy and space to figure things out with the doctor while he catches up with Gabi.

When you're done with the Medispider, it's not a question on if you're staying with Miguel or not - you really don't have a choice in the matter, he tells you. When you're recovered, you can decide if you want to move in or not, but until then he was going to personally keep an eye on you.

Gabi, who lacks the complete understanding of the why and the how behind it all, is just glad that the person they've been trying to scheme their father into confessing to is actually going to live with them. (Even if only for about a month.) She grins smugly when she realizes you smell like her dad.

Miguel lets you have pick of the house, when he carries you back to his beautiful, cozy suburban home. He leaves the proper tour up to Gabi, as he carries you both, letting Gabi tell you about everything excitedly. You stay in his bed (you two had claimed each other, and although Miguel does give you the option of your own room... you'd rather die than lose the comfort that comes with being around your mate.)

Miguel cooks properly for you while you stay with him and Gabi.

No more prepackaged meals, he sneers, instead making you chicken noodle soup from scratch, with bone broth and lots of vegetables. Breakfast every morning before he takes Gabi to school, tucks you in to sleep while he pops into the HQ to check on things. He's out of commission from missions while he cares for you, but he still makes sure things go smoothly. He's home by lunch, sometimes bringing you fast food instead of cooking so you can have your fill of a greasy burger or fries or something to sate the part of you that needs something unhealthy and indulgent. Holds you in his lap while you both eat, watching TV on the couch.

He finishes his work and goes on emergency-only mode when it's time to pick up Gabi from school. He tucks you into the passenger seat if you feel up to it, buckling you up himself and pressing a kiss to your lips, even though he doesn't need to. He knows you can buckle yourself up, and lets you do so when you insist, but it makes him happy to know he's taking measures to keep you safe.

He does force you to take a blanket with you, just in case though.

When all three of you get home, he makes dinner, sometimes with Gabi helping him, sometimes you, sometimes just himself. He has a pretty wide range of foods he ends up making, but it's primarily because they're foods he likes, or Gabi likes, and he learned to make them. He's a good cook, overall.

It's the best work-life balance he's had in a long time.

When you're better, he all but begs you to stay.

And god, how could you say no to him?

(Also for those who it matters for, if you do end up pregnant from the Heat Adventures he obviously loves kids and would love one with you, but if you don't feel ready/don't want to have kids other than Gabi, he absolutely respects it, and will talk about options with you. Granted, he'll be disappointed, but at the end of the day it's not something he CAN'T move past. Discusses birth control options with you almost immediately when the two of you get intimate again.)

[loneycorner]

Explaining some stuff

Vent

(Reading this part isn't really necessary and you can skip it)

So, I don't really do these things cause I'm not really a big fan getting into too much personal shit but I really needed to get this out

I genuinely feel like my irl mom is losing hope in me, I'm not getting any better with my studies, school is hell, my classmates aren't any good either.

I just feel like going into a deeper spiral of my depression, I'm in need of therapy but I think my parents will say I don't need it since I'm normal lmao. Still undiagnosed with ADHD and autism, probably dyslexic as well yayyy

But seriously, I don't really know how to continue much more, the only reason why I'm still here is because of my online friends and my literal fear of dying and maybe getting sent to hell

My current gender dysphoria is also very much not helping alongside a break up (which I did cause but I'm more worried for her than for myself) I don't really know man

Trying to focus on school is hard enough but the way my mom is so disappointed and maybe losing hope might just drive me insane, she said she'll pull me back if I fail the next quarter which hopefully not

I know she's struggling too, I'm basically useless in my own house, I barely do anything, I don't help, I'm a burden to them

Break

Will I take a break? I'm still unsure and debating on that, I wanna but then again, the internet is a second home to me, it's where I can be free, it's my escape, it's one of the things that make me happy especially with my online family

I do hope I get better, especially with the people supporting me (which I'll be honest, mostly online strangers lmaoo) either way. I'm glad I haven't ended my story just yet, I know there's gonna be more. Good or bad, I'll probably just keep fighting knowing there's people who love me despite not even knowing me that much

Appreciation and Special thanks to

@marycom15 they're basically my mom, in which I was the one to say that but eh, I love them a whole bunch and supported me through quite a lot of stuff, super silly despite calling me out on a lot of things, like stop that/silly knows me a little too well

@iamineskew funniest person I've met, my father (albeit I didn't want/silly, love you/pp) wouldn't stop flirting with my mom in front of me but I'm actually fine, I love them a whole bunch, such great art too! I'm super inspired by all his works

@boothefanficeater my best friend ever!! We don't talk a lot because he isn't online as much lol, I consider him my super best friend anyway, literally the one that made me what I've become (cough.the Prokour CEO cough) they also have lovely art, I wanna eat it

@wimdywhimsy just a cool person in general, supports literally everything I do, all of the things they do is amazing, I love ALL of their ideas they bring on the table, my sibling ever

@canadianketchup is literally almost always the first person to interact with whatever I do, I love interacting with them, I wanna do it more but I'm a little shy giggles

@sundewhasaudhd one of the BEST people I've ever met on the dsmp space,I love them sm, they're just so passionate with everything they do and it's just so admirable, they're not afraid to socialize and bring up their interests it makes me so happy

(I almost forgot to mention aahhhhh)

@theshadeblindcolor a newer addition to my little family but I love them either way, such a cool person with cool art! I love everything they do, their aus are so sick I wanna read more about them and to some more fanart

And shout out to all my old moots too on previous account, all such lovely people I couldn't have it any other way, especially my ava/m family @izzyindahouse @the-ace-of-spadez @flairya @mary-games-and-arts

I'm so happy I met all you guys, I'm glad to be a part of even the small portions of your lives and I'm super happy you are all a part of mine<3

[brighttears]

Let Go

Joel Miller x reader

No physical description, gender neutral, no use of y/n

Summary: When Joel starts to doubt your journey to find his brother, all of his fear and grief crashes down on him, and he finally accepts you as a safe harbor.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: Angst!, pet names (baby), language 

A/n: Here's something dramatic as fuck lol. I’m getting repetitive with Joel because like he has these few core fears and motives so i need to work on that … anyways here's some that-one-scene-from-a -marriage-story type shit (but not the angry part i just mean the like last 30 seconds…. and like waaay more wholesome. I am unable to end angst on an angsty note. If they won’t give Joel any happy endings I will just have to do it for them)

—

When you begin to enter consciousness, the arm you reach out for the body next to you only falls onto the mattress. It wakes you up instantly and you react faster than your body has time to wake up itself, almost falling forward as you hobble to your feet, you yell out for Joel, throat coated in sleep. You swallow, cough, and call for him again. 

“I’m here.”

The sound of his voice soothes your heart rate and you breathe deeply, walking from the bedroom into the dining room. Joel leans against the crooked, dust-caked table, back to you, staring out the near translucent front windows. 

“...What's up?” it isn’t unusual for Joel to wake up first, but normally he’d stay in bed and wait for you. His demeanor is worryingly off. He doesn't turn to face you but you see his head bow. Walking slowly into the dining room and sliding next to him at the table, you read him with ease—observing the rigidness of his body, the lack of response, and then the disheartenment over his face. You sigh. “Look, we’ve been out here for a long time, it starts to wear on you, but it’s just that. You’re tired, of course you are, Joel. But we’re getting close! We’ll find Tommy and then we’ll… well I don’t know but you’re gonna feel so much better once we find Tommy.”

“If we find Tommy.”

His words shock you completely. If he’s ever had any doubt, he’s never expressed it. Honestly, you saw him as drunk on hope sometimes. The more time you spent with him though, the more you learned about the inner workings of his brain, it isn't naivety, it's that Tommy is his brother, and at the very least, the search is a necessity. He needs an answer, and even if it’s not the one he wants, he needs to at least know that he tried, that he did everything he could. 

You’re scared that if Tommy’s dead it’ll break him. You’ve imagined it before, what Joel would be like empty. Even if he decided to stay alive, having lost another family member, the repercussions of that despair would be the death of him. You’d imagined how the acceptance that he never, ever surrendered to would look in his eyes as he gave in to being bitten or shot or stabbed. You simply wouldn’t be enough, and you’re not offended by it. You can’t outweigh the burden of Sarah and Tommy’s death, along with the countless others, many of whom you never met, who live only as ghosts in Joel’s head. Yes, you know loss well and have plenty of heavy ghosts yourself, but that’s only more to why you understand that you just wouldn’t be enough. Tommy would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But that was all imagination; the contradiction of his behavior and his words were your solace, but now, for the first time, he’s straying from that. And he does it with his back to you, which he never does. 

Keeping your voice soft but firmer, “When we find Tommy.” you reassure him. 

Joel does not respond, only sighs, keeping his eyes forward. You detect a slight downturn in his lips, distance in his eyes and rare relaxation of his brow. He’s scared. He’s very scared. 

“Joel…”

Before you can add anything or your lifted hand can touch his arm, he says, still to the window, “I shouldn'ta brought you with me. I should'a left you in Boston.”

Taken aback, you physically recede. “What?” Is all that comes out of you.

He looks down and blinks a few times before speaking again, and the words march out from his throat—this was planned. While you were asleep, he was running this conversation over and over in his head. “If I was gonna do this I should'a done it alone. You shouldn’t be here.” His tone is perfectly even. Your heart sinks. 

“Joel what are you talking about? Why are you saying this?” your voice comes out at almost a whisper, throat and chest constricted by anxious dejection. 

“It was selfish.” There's a bite now and you see it’s twinge at the corner of his lip. His eyes become stoney, closed off, and he grinds his teeth together. “That’s all it was. N’ I’m sorry. You don’t belong out here.”

The last sentence pricks you with irritation. “I hate it when you patronize me like this, Joel—” you start, but he interrupts by talking over you.

“It was selfish because I’m putin’ you in more danger than you need to be, then you would’a been in in Boston.”

“I agreed to—” you try to interject but he bars you again.

“Jus’ let me finish this.” His tone is serious. “That’s all true. No matter how shit it is, it’s safer there. You know I care about you, I—I love you,” he still struggles with those words, only recently relearning how to pronounce them, “and I want you safe, I need you safe, and that would’a been the smart option. But I’m stupid and I’m fuckin’ selfish.” your brows knit in a micro expression, head tilted, watching him as he speaks, “N' I need you. Look,” he leans forward and closes his eyes before he continues, “I haven’t seen Tommy in a long, long time. All I have is… a loose idea of where he might have been, shit, whenever the fuck it was when we left. The closer we get, the more… lost I feel.” Joel’s voice is beginning to shake and you can't help but slump a little towards him. “I don’t know if Tommy’s out there. I don’t. I don’t. I want him to be but…” his mouth opens, closes, then opens again, but all that gets out is “I—” and then he opens his eyes and turns away from the table, pacing to the other side of the room, sounding frustrated, “Look, I don’t know if Tommy’s out there. I don’t know if he’s” you can hear his bottom lip wobbling and he cracks at the word, “dead. That’s the honest truth. And the farther we fuckin’ go, the more and more shit we run into, fuckin’ Infected, raiders, people—eveyrthin’. The more and more times I think I might be about t’… that you might die, the more I… I think maybe we never should'a left Boston.”

“Joel—”

“At least there I could protect you.” he begins to raise his voice, “I could get cards, I could trade, I had an in with the guards, we had food, somewhere to fuckin’ sleep everynight. I could come home to you, I wasn’t fuckin’ terrified every time you were outta my sight. Yeah, it was shit, and I didn’t think so then—I couldn’t see it then, but it was safe. We weren’t riskin’ our lives every fuckin’ day like we are out here. An’ winter’s comin’ and I barely know where the fuck we are, I don’t know how I’ll—we’ll—I—” he lets out a sharp breath and leans a hand onto the wall he faces.

“Joel, you’re just tired. You’re underfed and underslept. We’re gonna be fine.”

“Stop fuckin’ sayin’ we’re gonna be fine.” he snaps, whiping back to you, “You don’t know that! Every fuckin’ day we…” whatever look he sees on your face interrupts his train of thought and he strides towards you and puts his hands on your shoulders, “I’m not tryna be mean, baby, I just—” he searches your eyes and turns back. This time he turns, passing the head of the table and walking towards the open kitchen. “This was stupid and reckless. I went out n’ risked the only thing I have left. It was stupid.” he hits his head with the heel of his hand and you rush over, grabbing his arm to turn him around.

“Joel, stop it. I understand, you’re scared—”

“I’m not scared—” he glances away from you.

“Yes you are.” you tell him sternly. “And it’s fair. You don’t know where your brother is. And it’s fucking scary out here. I get scared! But I keep going, we keep going. And we’re in Wyoming now! We’re so close! We are going to find him.”

“Well we might fuckin’ not, and then we’ll be stranded here in the middle a fuckin’ nowhere Wyoming, in fuckin’ winter, no protection, not from raiders, Infected, we could starve—shit” his pitch heightens, “I am scared. I’ve started havin’ dreams about…” he digs your eyes again and rips away from you, making a sound and running a hand through his hair. Then his voice is loud and shuddering, “If you get bit, I’m—I’m gonna have to shoot you. I see it every goddamn night. Clear as day.” At that, he cracks, his shoulders jolt once and he stops a sob right before it leaves his mouth. 

The sound startles you. “Joel, baby,” You move towards him once again to rub your hand up his back. He lets you for a moment but then pulls away.

“I can’t—no, I, I c…” he trails off again. “Should’a never taken you with me. Should’a never fuckin’ left, because, becau…” he struggles with himself. When he turns and finally looks to you, Joel’s eyes are wet. “I can’t fuckin’ do this without you.” Joel rakes both his hands through his hair, “And I don’t want to fuck up n’ it gets you killed, and I will fuck up, and I just–” he spins back, then rips his hands away to swing to his sides, “I can’t lose you, I can’t.” when he turns back to you the tears are barely hanging onto his waterline and he raises his voice, “I don’t know what to do, because I–Jesus fuck.” turning again, he takes a few steps forward and then reverses them. His breathing is heavy and he’s sniffling. “I fuckin’ hate this.” His voice is low now, “I hate–I hate carin’ about people, cause I'll just lose ‘em. I just lose ‘em. I just lose ‘em.” he trails off, near whispering. “I can’t fuckin’ lose you. Not you.” he speaks up, shaking his head, “Not you.” He finally turns to look at you but then swings his head down to try to hide the tears that have begun streaming down his face, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I should’t be sayin’ all this. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Joel,” in an instant, you've wrapped your arms around him, holding him to you by his neck. He falls into the embrace, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his brow to your neck. You hold him tightly as he starts to shake, you know that he’s trying to hold back the tears. “It’s ok.” You reassure him quietly, sweeping a hand up and down his back. After a moment Joel complies and his body begins to tremble as he weeps in your arms. You hold him tighter, more securely to you. Losing control, Joel starts wailing, grabbing at you. He slides down to the floor, pressing his face into your belly with his arms still wrapped tightly around you, you lower yourself slowly with him, and on the ground, he crumbles in your arms.

It’s frightening. You’ve never seen him like this. You’ve seen him shed tears, get emotional, you’ve had him vulnerable, you’ve seen him even completely relaxed one or twice, but you’ve never seen him torn open like this. You’ve never heard these sounds. His body is shaking uncontrollably, not like you know it to be. His hands grip the fabric of your clothes tightly. The dam has finally broken. It’s heart wrenching. He must have been holding this in for years. 

You hold him for a long time. He keeps trying to stop the crying but the current floods everything in him, and the only way to stop himself from drowning is to let it break and release it out into your body, wearing you like a lifejacket. Once he quiets some it still takes awhile for his body to quit shaking through sob-like breaths. When his breathing slows, you can’t tell if he’s fallen asleep, completely lax in your arms, face weighing into your shoulder. But then he moves, pulling himself up to sit, his head hanging. His voice is quiet and hoarse and he sniffles, “I’m sorry.”

“You have no reason to be sorry.” you move to hug him now with your arms around his neck, “I love you.”

Joel wraps his arms around your back, pulling you closer to him, basically onto his lap, and murmurs, “I love you so much.” After a few deep, slow breaths, he pulls away, removing you from his lap, he rubs his hands over his face, mindlessly searching the floor. “I shouldn’t be putin’ all this on you. I’m sorry. I don’t want y’ to… think of me like this, shakin’ on the ground.” he sniffles hard and then looks up, only to your clothes, “Shit, did I fuck up your clothes? Fuck.” he goes to flatten out where his hands as gripped them, brushing over the wet spots from his face, nose, and mouth. “Fuck.” he mumbles. 

His face is blank and he won’t look in your eyes—he’s trying to cover himself back up. You don’t think he remembers how to not anymore; you’ve seen it so many times, when he really opens up, spreading open his skin so you can really look inside, it never lasts long enough for you to be able to reach into him. But you can tell he’s so desperate for it, to be seen, to let go. You can tell by the way he’ll hold onto you sometimes, when he doesn’t want to let your hand go, squeezes you in this certain way, and this look in his eyes sometimes, there's such a deep longing, and desolation, but then he blinks, looks away, and it's gone. It’s not something for you to bring up. You just try your best when you see it to somehow communicate to him that it's okay, he’s safe with you. You think he knows that, he’s never done anything to show disagreement, he’s let you in much further than he has anyone else, but there's parts of himself you can see him still hiding away. And now, he has just completely broken down before you. And this is not his role—Joel is a protector, he thinks he needs to be armored all the time, that he’s the one to comfort, not to be comforted. He’s the one to hold onto, to crawl into, to be safe in his arms with. It’s not hard to see through him and past it, though. You wonder often if, before all this, did he already have all this concrete stuck on him, or is there’s a version of him you never got to see? Right now, Joel is completely raw, and you want to hold him here, because you need to tell him—

“Joel, it’s ok. You can relax. You’re safe with me. You can let go with me. You can be soft with me. I’m not going to hurt you. I love you, I want you, I need you to know that you're safe, you can let go with me.” You tilt your head to try to get under his eyes and gently pull a hand over his cheek and towards you to lift his face to look at you. He follows your touch but struggles to meet your gaze; and you are patient with him. Always. God, his eyes are devastating when you finally see them, you swear they're going to be the death of you. Unable to help yourself, you start kissing his lips softly. He only lets you—kisses you back, but there's none of the usual zeal. He really did just drain himself. He makes little noises when your lips meet his, but they’re more like chirps than anything else, another sound you’ve never heard from him. These are some of the sweetest, most innocent kisses you’ve ever shared. They need not be rushed, hungry, desperate. They’re basic, simple, candid. 

And then you just breathe with each other, lips still almost touching, and then he pulls you into another tight hug, arms around your neck with you back in his lap, burying himself into your collar. He’s held you like this countless times, but this has a new, full tenderness. He finally surrenders and lets it flush him. His breaths are deep, slow, and even; they feel like his lungs can expand fuller than before. You feel it warm on your skin, under his nose in the dip of your collarbone and his brow against your neck. He’s heavy, resting his weight on you, not holding it back. Never has he been this unwound, the only comparison being sometimes in his sleep, but his sleep is not a safe place for him. This is. 

He takes a deep breath and he doesn’t have to speak for you to hear the I love you. You rub a hand up and down his back, turn your head to kiss his head and then bring him closer to say it back.