#but if the context around it turns ''needing kind of a break'' into ''fucking failing and nuking your life'' eh. terrifying.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending I cheated on my partner when our common friend asked why we fought?

It will sound fake and fictional, but please bear with me because I'm getting crazy over it. And also sorry for any english mistake, we're not from an english speaking country.

To give some context: I am a man. There was this person, B(m), which whom I kind of grew up with. We went through the same schools from our 6 years old to 17 but we never were really friends. Then, around our 13, I got into a clique that fed into all my bad habits and I started to actively bully B because he seemed like an easy target at the time. I enjoyed it and was encouraged to do so (because I was such an asshole and I'm not even cringing thinking about it, it's worse. I regret it so much and I was a stupid and bad teenager). It was so bad that after years of enduring it, B changed school before we graduated and I went on with my life.

It' was's been about 15 years ago that I graduated.

In the meantime, I dealt with some problems that I had with my family and I went through intensive therapy which changed me for the better, and I came to terms with my sexuality as well.

Flashforward to 2019/2020, I meet with someone online through some games and it goes very well. Thanks to the Covid and the lockdowns, we play even more and get closer. At some point, I talk about an event happening close to my city, and he tells me that he knows about it as well and that we're living close to each other. Because we enjoyed our time online (ngl, we had started flirting although I didn't know how sincere it was) we decided to meet at that event.

And there, I find out that my online friend is B. It's extremely awkward but only for me because he cannot recognize me for three reasons: 1. I changed physically with my puberty finally finishing the job after my 18 birthday, and I found some love into dying my hair. 2. I changed in terms of personality thanks to the therapy I went through. 3. My legal name was changed when I said goodbye to this fucking family of mine and left without turning back (but I was getting sick just saying my last name).

I, obviously, didn't tell him anything about who I really was because I just wanted to enjoy that evening with a friend, and we didn't see each other since he left high school because of me. My plan was just to slowly distance myself from him after that evening but it failed because we had a lot of fun and we actually really hit off and I was dying constantly at the idea that he could find out.

We've been in a relationship sicne the beginning of 2021 and I was decided to just never tell him (horrifying idea I know, anyone with a braincell would have told me that it was bound to be found).

A month ago, I met with an old friend from high school (so yeah, he was in the bullying gang but more of a followers, so we stayed in friendly terms when we both agreed that it was bad) and as he recognized B, he decided to excuse himself and hoped that B would forgive him like he "forgave" me (I never got to tell that friend to shut up about that) so yeah, B found out that I was his main bully who had lied to him for almost 4 years now.

We had quite a big talk about it. How bad my bullying ended up for B; why I lied like that and never admitted it. And even if it went alright, B told me that he needed a break to think about things and it's going to be one month that I'm crashing at a common friend of us. At first, I just said that B and I got into a fight and it was good enough, but as it's been already a month, the friend asked more about it. Not wanting to bring up B's trauma to someone else (especially after our conversation), I just told the first lie that came to me and pretended that I cheated on B and he found out.

Now that common friend is calling me an asshole and keeps reminding me how much they are disappointed in me to have done something so horrifying to B. I keep wondering if I did well to lie like that, or if I should have found another way out.

[piescornerstore]

yknow i really like the headcanon where addisons, when they're tired or otherwise out of energy, can plug into some sort of cable and recharge at the end of a long day. but i also like the headcanon where their main source of energy is money. while they can eat anything, from regular human food to magic food to shoes, usually the most important nutrients an addison can get is from any type of currency. and i thought, why not both? humans do the same. addisons use food as the main source of energy, and connect themselves to a cable so they can clear their caches and be more ready than ever to be able to sell and work, which is all that they're supposed to be able to do.

and that made me think a little more about addispam's place in all that.

you guys know about the right to repair, right? that ever-looming fact that as consumerism becomes more and more dominant in our lives, and as corporations strive to make more and more money, the things we buy are reaching new levels of craptastic that they're basically made to break, and that older tech, while durable as hell, is basically totally accommodated for in the modern day.

and what about addispam in that context? in my fanon, he's a much older model of addison that accidentally rebooted, meant for the dump but is now roaming cyber city trying to fulfill the one purpose he was made for. but of course, the world isn't made for him anymore. maybe it never was

i'd think it'd really click for him once he tried to plug into a cable to recharge. it's practically necessary for any addison these days: if you want to sell properly, you need to clear your cache, or else your head will be swimming with endless noise that'll just fuck you up the longer it's allowed to accumulate. so, spamton bought itself a charging cable with the little money it had, after asking around to figure out what it was supposed to do (cause no one ever gave it a rulebook). but as soon as he tried to do it, the charger wouldn't fit. it went back to the store. tried another cable. didn't fit. turns out they don't sell chargers that fit its model anymore. nobody does. so addispam has to deal with a cache that keeps building and building.

and what about other things? updates are crucial to addisons. you HAVE to keep up with the styles, you HAVE to keep up with the trends, and you NEED to mimic every single little thing a lightner does but not TOO much or it might be too uncanny. so when a new update comes out, everyone's getting it.

except spamton. its model's far too old to receive such updates. it's not even on the table anymore. the last update for a model of his kind was probably a decade ago, and of course, there's no way to modify him to receive one in a way that won't kill him.

and modifications are another thing. as lines of code compressed to form sentient artificial organisms, cyber citizens can modify themselves in any way they want. tall, short, thin, fat, long hair, short hair, eye color, fingernails, even down to the way your voice sounds, you can modify yourself in any way you want. isn't that the dream? and hey, they still have modifications available for spamton's type of model? isn't that fantastic?

except they cost money. way too much money. these are the types of mods that if spamton had them, he'd probably be able to make a few sales, but he can't, because he doesn't have MONEY. and that's the thing that's fueling all of this.

everyone needs their cache cleared so they can make sales. everybody needs to update right away so they can make sales. everyone needs to modify themselves in just the right way so they can make sales. keeping everyone on their toes, their nerves ready to explode once the right mistake is made, is just the way an addison's world works. you wouldn't want to fail at your one and only purpose, would you? you wouldn't want to end up like that guy, you know him, everyone knows him, and everyone knows how much they DON'T want to be him. because they'd be failures if they were anything like him.

anyway i hate consumerism bye <3

[pandenewie]

22 - Family Vacation

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AN: Mr Jeon has slowly morphed into Wonwoo from Seventeen so yeah

It’s 6am when Y/n finds themself knocking on an unfamiliar apartment door. God, they just pray that they got the right number. After minutes of waiting and a number of knocking attempts, each louder than the last, the door finally swings open.

“Who the hell is awake at this time of -”

“Are you Jay Park?”

The man looks visibly confused at Y/n’s interruption. “Uh… depends who’s asking?” He asks, clearly skeptical of a random high schooler standing at his doorstep at 6 in the morning. 

“I’m Y/n.” They introduce themself, watching the man’s reaction as the cogs begin turning in his brain. “Wait, Jungwon’s Y/n?” He asks with wide eyes. With the new information, he opens his door further, inviting Y/n into his apartment.

“Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t exactly expecting guests. And then this asshole decided to come over and get drunk at like, 2 this morning.” Jay says, gesturing to the guy passed out on his couch. Y/n thinks they can recognise him as one of Jungwon’s other friends, but they can’t put a name to face this early in the morning.

“Jake, wake up.” Jay mumbles, picking up a pillow and throwing it at the sleeping figure. Jake lets out a groan, flipping off his friend before rubbing his hands over his face. “What time is it?” He asks with a groggy voice. “Too damn early, that’s for sure.” Jay mumbles, pushing Jake’s legs to make room on the couch. “Make yourself at home, Y/n.” He continues, gesturing to the empty armchair placed horizontally from the couch.

As soon as Y/n is seated, the grilling from Jay begins. “Why are you here? Especially at 6 in the morning? And how did you find my apartment?” “Context clues from talking to Jungwon.” Y/n shrugs, only seeming to confuse him more. “That’s some stalker shit.” Jake mumbles, earning a smack on the leg from Jay. “Ow, bro, be gentle! I’m in a fragile state right now!” Jake whines, causing Jay to roll his eyes.

“As for why I’m here, it’s kind of a long story…” Y/n trails off, causing Jay to look at them with a blank expression. “It’s 6 in the morning, I quite literally have nothing else to do.” Sighing, Y/n thinks for a moment about the best way to sum it up. “Basically, I got suspended which means I’m not allowed to go on the senior trip that Jungwon planned - which is today. He was pretty bummed about it all so I was thinking, is there a way I can get in? Then I saw that the campsite still had cabins available so I booked one and I thought I could go and surprise him. And I need a ride so I’m asking you.”

If Jay could get any more confused than he already is, it is certainly evident on his face. It’s silent for a few moments and it finally sets into Y/n’s brain just how insane this is. Finally, after an awkward staring contest, that lasted much too long for anyone’s liking, Jake breaks out into fits of giggles.

“Oh my god!” He gasps, clutching his chest as he falls into Jay’s shoulder. “This is like a fucking movie!” Jay quickly shushes his friend, scolding him for laughing and being so loud. When this doesn’t work (partially due to Jake’s half-drunk state, partially due to him not taking Jay seriously) Jay results in pressing his palm against Jake’s mouth, muffling his giggles.

“Okay so… that’s kind of insane. In like… a cute way?” Jay mumbles, still trying to rack his brain around everything. “Do I have to… do anything?” He continues. “Not really? Just drive there, hang out in the cabin and then drive me back?” Y/n asks, pulling out the puppy-dog eyes in hopes that if all else fails, that will make him agree.

Jay likes to pride himself on being a very rational person. He likes to think things through and make sensible decisions that will benefit both him and others. Going on an impromptu 2 day holiday with a stranger so they can sneak into their school camp is anything but rational. It’s risky, reckless, and by the sounds of it, not even fully planned out to begin with.

“Okay… but you’re coming with us.” He agrees, slapping Jake, who had fallen back asleep, on the thigh - waking him up once more. If he’s going to do something this insane, he at least needs his much more recklessly inclined friend to fall back on.

“What’s with the low face?”

A sudden voice snaps Jungwon out of his thoughts. He pulls his attention away from the bus window and turns around to find Wonyoung sitting in the seat next to him. “What do you mean?” He asks, causing her to roll her eyes. “I mean this in the nicest way possible… you look like a kicked puppy.” She says.

“I thought you were pretending you were in a sad music video at first… but then I saw you weren’t listening to music.” Ricky says from the seat behind them, leaning over to ruffle Jungwon’s hair. “Cheer up buddy! You can still have fun on the trip without Y/n here.”

Ricky’s words seem to cause realisation on Wonyoung’s face. “But Hiyyih mentioned something about Y/n coming?” She asks, confused, causing Jungwon to sigh. “I don’t know… they said something about being here no matter what. I have no idea what they’re doing.” Jungwon mumbles. He can’t tell which emotion is more difficult at the moment, the disappointment of Y/n not being on the trip or the anxiety about whatever they have planned…

The sudden blasting of the car horn causes Y/n to jump slightly from their position in the passenger seat. Jay mumbles an apology as he rolls down his window, yelling at Jake to “hurry up” and “just grab shit”

A few moments later, Jake walks out of the convenience store, hood up, dark sunglasses perched on his nose, and arms full of an assortment of snacks. He slides into the backseat of Jay’s car, emptying his treasures onto the floor and laying down. 

“I think the worker thought I was high.” Jake mumbles, pulling his hoodie down to hide his face even further. “You sure you aren’t?” Jay jokes, reaching back for the bag of lollipops that Jake had brought. Slipping one into his mouth, he motions for Jake to sit up which earns a groan from the younger boy. “Dude, I’m still tipsy.” Jake whines, kicking his feet like a child. “At least put your seatbelt on! I do not need anyone dying on this trip.” Jay rolls his eyes before finally starting the car.

Y/n starts to think that maybe this wasn’t the greatest idea…

“We haven’t even been here for half an hour!” Jungwon whines, as Wonyoung and Ricky grab an arm each and drag him out of the cabin. “Come on, Jungwon! We’re versing Hiyyih and Hikaru in badminton and we need a ref.” Wonyoung says, causing Jungwon’s eyebrows to furrow. “It’s a casual game. What do you need a few for?” He asks. “To stop Hiyyih from cheating. She looks sweet but that girl is a menace.” Wonyoung sighs.

Jungwon attempts to complain further but is shushed by his friends, claiming that he needs to be more sociable. Jungwon pulls his arms from their grip, attempting to run back to the safety of his cabin. This works to no avail, as Ricky quickly catches up and throws Jungwon over his shoulder. “People would think you’re being kidnapped.” Ricky jokes, as the three walk to the far end of the campsite, where the badminton court is.

“So… you just happened to be going on a… family vacation… at the same time and same location as the senior trip?” Mr Jeon asks, eyeing Y/n skeptically. Running into one of the teachers was a given. Thankfully, Y/n has perfected the art of lying.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Mr Jeon, they surprised me with the trip last minute. I didn’t even know where we were going.” Y/n shrugs. Mr Jeon doesn’t seem all that convinced, as he looks back to the car, which Jay and Jake are currently getting the bags out of. “And those two are…?” He asks, watching the two argue over who’s holding what. “Jake’s my cousin. He's just come from Australia and Jay’s… his boyfriend.” Y/n spills, saying the first thing that comes to mind. “Right… well, I suppose I should speak with them and go over some ground rules.” Mr Jeon sighs, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “Sure thing.” Y/n smiles brightly, skipping over towards their “cousin” and his “boyfriend”.

“Mr Jeon’s coming to talk to you two. Jake, you’re my cousin who just flew in from Australia. Jay, you’re his boyfriend.” Y/n speaks quickly, causing the two to look at them with wide eyes. “Why are we dating?” Jay asks, slightly annoyed. “It was the first thing I thought of. Just act natural.” Y/n replies. Jay rolls his eyes in response before shoving a water bottle against Jake’s chest, mumbling for him to “sober up” as Mr Jeon approaches the trio.

“Hi, Jay and Jake is it? I’m Jeon Wonwoo, one of Y/n’s teachers.” He introduces himself cheerfully, holding his hand out for them to shake. His eyes widen slightly when they land on Jay, and his eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion. “Jongseong?” He adds, causing Jay to laugh sheepishly. Jay immediately matches Mr Jeon’s smile, shaking his hand firmly. “Nice to see you again, sir.” He says. “You two know each other?” Y/n asks, confused. “I taught Jongseong a few years ago… you go by Jay now?” Mr Jeon asks, causing Jay to nod. “Yeah, Jongseong feels like I’m being scolded.” He jokes, causing Mr Jeon to laugh. “Well, I’m certainly in no position to do that anymore.” He comments, holding his hand out to Jake now. Jay nudges Jake to accept it, and he gives Mr Jeon a short, silent handshake. Jay’s laugh breaks the awkward silence. “Sorry about my… boyfriend… he’s still a bit jet lagged.” Jay says, hoping the disgust isn’t evident in his voice as he mumbles the word boyfriend.

“Yes, Y/n mentioned you’ve come from Australia. Now, I’m certainly not trying to cause any trouble for you, especially since you’ve come all this way to spend time with Y/n. But are you aware of their current school situation?” Mr Jeon asks, earning an enthusiastic nod from Jake. “Yes! We couldn’t be prouder!” Jake exclaims, causing Jay to roll his eyes. “He’s talking about the suspension, babe.” Jay mumbles, the term of endearment being a secret message of “get your shit together”. “Oh yes, that we’re very disappointed with.” Jake attempts to collect himself.

“Right. Well, as much as we wish Y/n could have joined us on this trip, the suspension, unfortunately, made that impossible. I just want to make it clear that despite being in the same campsite, Y/n will still not be joining us for any of the school-related activities with the other students.” Mr Jeon points out. “Yes, of course. We’re certainly not here for that.” Jake nods. Y/n can’t help but roll their eyes. Way to sell it, Jake.

“That’s not to say that Y/n has to completely avoid the other students. There are scheduled free time slots where students are free to roam the camp and do whatever they please. If Y/n wishes to hang out with their friends during this time, they are welcome to.” Mr Jeon says. “Thank you for being so accommodating. We will try our best to get out of your hair.” Jay says. “That’s not a problem. Well, I should let you three get back to your vacation. I presume I will see you all around.” Mr Jeon bids goodbye before going off to find the students.

“God, why did it have to be Mr Jeon? He was the only teacher I actually cared about in high school.” Jay groans, locking the car as the three start walking towards their cabin. “He probably let us off easy because he knows you.” Y/n states. “But now he thinks I’m dating Jake of all people.” Jay complains, causing Jake to let out an offended scoff. “What’s wrong with dating me?” He asks. “You’re half drunk at 10 am, wearing socks and sandals and all you’ve eaten today is dried ramen and gummy bears.” Jay deadpans. “Sounds like a catch to me.” Jake shrugs, pushing his friend out of the way to get into the cabin.

As soon as the three are inside the cabin, Jake immediately flops down on one of the beds. “So what’s the plan on finding Jungwon?” He asks. Y/n shrugs in response, pulling out their phone to check their messages once again. “My friend said she’d text me updates on what they’re doing. But that was almost an hour ago.” They mumble, quickly typing out another message.

“Well, you have fun with that. I’m going to take a nap.” Jay says, pushing Jake over so there’s room on the bed for him to lie down. “Dude, what? I thought we were gonna hang out?” Jake asks. “We passed a games room on the way. They have a ping pong table and everything.” He adds, reaching over for the brochure on the bedside table, which lists the number of activities the campsite offers. “Leaving this cabin means running into Mr Jeon again. And I do not want to keep pretending we’re dating.” Jay rolls his eyes. “Well boyfriend, I don’t care. I’m going to drag you around this whole damn park and you’re going to love every second of it.” Jake huffs.

“Hiyyih just texted me, she said their first activity starts in half an hour so they’re just playing badminton for now. You two have fun with… whatever this is.” Y/n says, getting up to leave the cabin. “Text me when you’re coming back. I don’t want you getting lost in the woods.” Jay mumbles. Y/n sends him a simple thumbs up before going to find the others.

“Why the fuck is the badminton court so far away?” Y/n asks loudly, as they finally spot their friends in the near distance. The sudden voice causes all their heads to turn in the direction of the noise. “Y/nnie! You made it!” Hikaru screams, running to jump into Y/n’s arms. “Why are you acting like I’ve been gone for a year?” Y/n asks, laughing slightly as they set Hikaru down on the grass. “You basically have. Come on, Jungwon’s going to freak.” Hikaru exclaims, grabbing Y/n’s hand and dragging them towards the rest of the group.

“The main character has arrived.” Wonyoung jokes as Y/n walks towards the group. “Thank you, thank you.” Y/n says sarcastically, bowing as if their friends were an audience. They soon find themself face to face with Jungwon, and can’t help the proud smile that spreads across their face as they take in his shocked expression.

“How are you… what?” Jungwon asks, his brain faltering as he tries to get his mind around the situation. “Surprise.” Y/n says happily, wasting no time in wrapping their arms around Jungwon’s middle. Despite still being in shock, he doesn’t hesitate to return the affection, wrapping his arms securely around Y/n. “I’m so confused.” He laughs, nuzzling his head into Y/n’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything later.” Y/n says, patting his hair affectionately. Jungwon suddenly pulls away from Y/n’s hold, worry showing all over his face.

“Wait, but the teachers don’t know you’re here?” 

“It’s fine, Jungwon.” 

“No, but they can’t know. You’re supposed to be suspended.” 

“It’s fine.”

“What about your parents? Oh my god, do they think you’re kidnapped?”

“Jungwon!”

Y/n grips his face in their hands, pulling him down slightly so they are at eye level. The sudden contact shuts him up, as he looks at Y/n, eyes wide with concern. “Everything is fine, babe. My parents, the teachers, everyone knows. There’s nothing to worry about, okay?” Y/n mumbles, squishing Jungwon’s cheeks slightly. He lets out a sigh at the reassurance, letting out a muffled “okay” due to Y/n’s hands squishing his cheeks. Y/n gently nuzzles their noses together before pressing a quick peck against his lips, cautious of the fact that their friends are still there and watching.

They soon release Jungwon from their hold, resorting to holding his hand instead. “Now that that’s settled, it looks like I’ve interrupted a very important badminton match?” Y/n asks. “Oh my god, Y/n, Ricky is literally cheating! He keeps hitting it way over our heads.” Hikaru whines. “If anyone’s cheating, it’s you. I don’t think jumping on Hiyyih’s back is in the rules.” Ricky argues back. “Sounds like we need a rematch…” Y/n hints. “Yes! Y/n and Jungwon can ref and this time, no cheating.” Wonyoung states as they get back into position to play again.

As the game starts, Y/n brings their head to rest on Jungwon’s shoulder. He squeezes their hand softly at the contact, bending down to gently kiss their forehead. “I’m really happy you came.” Jungwon whispers, nuzzling the top of their head with his nose before turning his attention back to the game. Y/n has to bite back their smile as their heart flutters slightly at the action. That’s new.

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[judasrpc]

LYRIC STARTERS BASED ON MY CURRENT "ON REPEAT" SONGS

aka, subtly exposing my music taste by slamming a bunch of songs onto one post, even if these probably exist as separate ones somewhere. the sections will be separated by the song titles & artists. this only includes my top 10, because we would be here forever if i included any more.

add context & change gendered language to your needs !! if multi, please specify which muse(s) !!

INVISIBLE - DURAN DURAN

" Living without choice is a life without a voice. "

" Has the memory gone? Are you feeling numb? "

" Will you say my name? "

" Hindsight is falling on my face. "

" When you don't hear a word I say […] "

" But a voiceless crowd isn't backing down. "

"Can you say my name? "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

FLIGHT OF THE CROWS - JHARIAH

" I cannot help but think I've overstayed my welcome. "

" The company's quite nice on crimson nights like these. "

" Well, I think that I've gotta go, and I don't know why. "

" I need you to promise that you won't cry. "

" Let those old memories go. "

" Please understand that I will find a brand new life. "

" So just let me out of your mind. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

BLOOD UPON THE SNOW - HOZIER & BEAR MCCREARY

" Nature offers a violence. "

" The world that hardens as the harsher winter holds. "

" The ground walked here is a wonder. "

" And all things nature's given; she takes all things back from the living. "

" I've walked the earth, and there are so few here that know. "

" It's not my arms that will fail me. "

" This world takes more strength than it gave me. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

RISK, RISK, RISK - JHARIAH

" We would've never worked out together. "

" Wager all you've got, and run me all that shit. "

" I can't take another day! I need some change. "

" There's things you just can't see with such precautious eyes. "

" I don't think I need to tell you; you'll see me when I do. "

" Better bite your tongue! "

"I don't second-guess a vision. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

EAT YOUR YOUNG - HOZIER

" Let me wrap my teeth around the world. "

" I want to feel the edges start to burn. "

" If there's something to be gained, there's money to be made. "

" Throw enough rope until the legs have swung. "

" You can't buy this fineness. "

" If there's something still to take, there is ground to break. "

" Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

CARELESS WHISPER - GEORGE MICHAEL

" I feel so unsure. "

" Something in your eyes calls to mind a silver screen, and all its sad goodbyes. "

" Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool. "

" To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind. "

" But there's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find. "

" I wish that we could lose this crowd. "

" We could have been so good together. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

APOCALYPTICISM - MOON WALKER

" We fight fire with silence and pray somebody hears. "

" No one said the world can't change in just a couple nights. "

" We want a revolution, but only with condition. "

" He came baring the heart of a liar; wearing the face of an honest man. "

" Start feeding the dogs of war. "

" We're in your head and hiding in plain sight. "

" But I don't see any difference, they both look the same to me. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

DIGITAL SILENCE - PETER MCPOLAND

" I won't ask a question; I'll state the truth. "

" This is the way that it is. "

" Something you love turns to something you miss. "

" This is the way that I know. "

" I feel it inside me like a pulse; it's starting to slow and the meter dips. "

" This is the sound of the truth. "

" There is nothing you can do. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

KINGSLAYER - BRING ME THE HORIZON & BABYMETAL

" Are you looking for the other side? "

" I need to know where your loyalties lie. Tell me, are you gonna bark, or bite? "

" Wipe the system and back the fuck up. "

" You are modified. "

" You're a puppet! When they cut your strings off, don't come crawling back. "

" You're on your own. "

" I'll fight for you until I die. "

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I'M AFRAID I'LL GO TO HEAVEN - MOON WALKER

" I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I don't want what's coming next. "

" Don't think we stand taller together, 'cause half of us ain't got no spine. "

" My biggest fear ain't no red Devil, it's being near you people all the time. "

" I'll be fine as long as you go somewhere else. "

" They tell you truth is what you make it. "

" It's like we don't even gotta try no more. "

" I'm sure your god would love to keep it white, but I think that me and mine will be alright. "

[is-this-really--life]

I think we need a new rad polls blog that doesn't just post pro rape content

I kind of think that a radfem polls blog is doomed to fail. All it ever does is start pointless discourse for no reason. It's like a feature.

There are too many people in radfem circles that are very strongly opinionated and not willing to give grace to people who disagree with the on even the little stuff, but this... this is big stuff and just reveals how fractured this community has become. How valueless some corners truly are. So many people who think separatism and just knowing how many men are misogynistic or a possible risk to get attached to them romantically, etc. That being a radfem is thinking men are evil and cant be reformed ever. That this is what make you a radical feminist. That's obviously not what I believe, but the blackpilling and reversing patriarchal norms thinking you can reclaim them (you can't!)... it's gotten to a breaking point. ("Oh are you saying reverse sexism and misandry exist?" Not my fucking point read again.)

Basically I don't trust the values of this community as a whole anymore. I dont think disagreeing makes anyone my enemy, but I think when it gets to a certain extent it becomes completely vile.

I think we need a new understanding of feminism and to accept that if you hold humanitarian values and don't want hate and anger and group stereotyping to take over your entire ideology, you are fundamentally not the same ideology as the rest of them. To believe in an end to hierarchy, that you can create it in your life no matter the demographics you're around, that everyone can hold compassion for everyone else, that this is really possible and maybe you can find it in your own life... Even despite the men that have violated all humanitarian principles. To find hope in this word that patriarchy is not inevitable and we can live in a better world without hate. The idea that hierarchies based on characteristics you're born with are set in stone is a destructive snd regresdive ideology, rather than understanding these hierarchies were created in history and can be unmade.

Ok sorry this turned into a rant about other worrisome trends in the online radfem community and maybe even the left writ large (when I started seeing posts from self-proclaimed leftists against interracial relationships because of the "inherent power dynamic", I got really scared about where that ideology is heading...)

Obviously this is one of the worse kinds of transgressions in spaces that are supposed to have feminist politics but end up being empty of thought and morals and historical context other than the separatism and man-hating.

Trust me, I know the kind of hate crimes men commit against women and I know what being aware of so much of it does to you. I know. I get that more men hate women more than we could ever hate them. I know. I just don't think it's a justification anymore after a certain point.

Tldr; Stop justifying stooping to the level of misogynists. We're better than them.

[baronmpontmercy]

ooohhhh alone for sacha & break for demi? :333

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

For Alexander, introvert verging on loner that he is, 'alone' has two separate definitions. One is in the most literal sense when he's just by himself, of his own accord, in the knowledge that he can stop being alone. And it's this kind of alone that he finds freeing. Times like this are when he's more likely to do things like playing his harp or fife (he's far too self conscious as a musician to really do it around anyone else unless he really really trusts them). He uses those times to recharge the social battery, which is essential to him as someone who has to literally turn on the charm when out and about.

Alone in the context being truly alone, with no one there for him and no one to turn to, is something he's terrified of. He's experienced it before, as a child, and in the worst of his previous relationship. He hates being lonely, hates the isolation of it. He is a person who hates being helpless, and he never feels more helpless than being completely alone. Or even feeling completely alone. And honestly, he's not good at dealing with loneliness, because one of his defense mechanisms is to retreat deeper into himself, which only exacerbates it all. It's a vicious circle that someone will need to give a physical helping hand to get him out of.

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

In both his iterations (i.e DnD proper and BG3), Amadeus has moments of complete breakdown. In his DnD lore, it's directly after his fall as an aasimar (I think finding out you are celestial and a demigod through a dramatic fall from grace and your celestial parent essentially telling you to fuck off will do that). It's not pretty, he's an absolute mess during and after, because he's at the foot of the mountain and it's going to be a long arduous climb before anything even starts to get better for him, but he's going to do it all the same. It was like an epiphany for him, a sudden sharp hit of guilt, and grief, and the knowledge that he wants to be better and has consistently failed himself and those around him. One who did see him was the goddess he swore himself to, Strix, and out of the grief and the anger and disgust from himself was born his drive for redemption and thus, his paladin oath.

the bg3 side is a bit nebulous at the moment because I'm still early days durge lore, but my co-player and thus co-writer in our playthrough and I have planned a moment for him much later on in the story, and it surrounds fragments of memories coming back, and the realisation that he was an active, instrumental part in the destruction of his (elven) family, and that even though those who survived still have love for him they will never truly forgive him for it, even with a paladin's grace and redemption arc.

[syntiment]

I don’t normally do this because I hate making additions to long posts but hi, I actively work with one of these robotic dogs and while I cannot speak on behalf of Boston Dynamics as a company, I can give more context for the actual machine and explain that this post is very much fearmongering.

I work with a Boston Dynamics Spot 2.0 model, if I’m not mistaken, they’re onto their 3.0 model now. Ours was a donation to our center to help teach kids AI and robotics. We run a multitude of demonstrations with it including a workshop where we get into the nitty gritty of how it’s AI works. 

The Spot series was built as an all terrain camera, essentially. They’re primarily being used by search and rescue as well as fire fighters because it can get into areas humans can’t. And they’re used in industrial settings. The issue? The Spot series is incredibly fragile for something that’s meant to be a durable robot. And it has an incredibly finnicky AI. Ours FREAKS out and stops being able to respond to proper commands if it’s near a disco ball because it utilizes light as part of it’s sensor array to move. A disco ball scattering light across the floor comes across on it’s cameras as a mess and it stops being able to walk in a straight line. It also has quite a bit of wear and tear. Because of how often ours does it’s shows and demonstrations, despite only being a few years old, it has needed to be shipped back to Boston to get fixed because it’s legs will just crap out on it.

Speaking of legs, going back up this post to the pinch points, yes, every single machine that does any kind of complex movement, so, basically any industrial machinery, has pinch points. They’re points of rotation and primary movement and if you stuck your hand into it, it would hurt you. You also wouldn’t stick your hand or loose clothes and hanging jewelry into an active conveyor belt would you? 

It took our science center hundreds of photos and training our Spot 2.0 AI for weeks to teach it to recognize a single rubber chicken in a rainbow sweater to be able to go and find it without controller assistance. And there’s still a fairly substantial chance that when instructed to go and find it, it will instead walk up to some other object. Why? Because from the groaning, complaining, and commiserating of it’s programmers on our team, it is a very dumb machine. It runs off of Python. For anyone who knows anything about coding, Python is a coding language that literally anyone can learn. Which means anyone with a background in Python can build systems to teach it. Except it’s a coding system and as any programmer will tell you, it will fucking break for no reason or for the dumbest reasons. It can’t calculate for every scenario. It would take the military an ungodly amount of time and resources to try and teach one of these things to detect enemies with ANY accuracy and there would still be a very large percentage chance that it could fail at that task. The human behind the controller makes up for a lot of it’s failings, issue is, that means you need someone constantly on it’s controller.

Even when we turn it’s auto detection and complex systems off and have it entirely on manual drive, it is and always will be, limited by the fact that it’s a piece of machinery that fails, regularly. And even on top of that, it can’t do much when it does succeed.

It has a top speed of around 3mph, it cannot jump due to a lack of vertical detection in it’s AI, and it only weighs around 70lbs with most of that weight coming from the lithium ion battery pack you plug into it’s stomach to power it. The battery only has about enough juice to go for 60 minutes before it dies and if you’re running it pretty hard and making it do a lot, that battery will drain much much faster. If you want to disable a Spot 2.0, all you need to do is damage the controller. If it doesn’t have the remote, it can’t do anything. Now, supposedly, the controller can work to run the machine up to a football field away, but we’ve never tested that to know if it’s accurate. And all of this is with an older Spot model. The current Spot models run for around 150k if I’m not mistaken.

Now, all of this isn’t to say “trust the cops with complex machinery and trust the military” no, absolutely not fuck those pigs. But don’t start conjuring up the fear that you need to be keeping a sledgehammer in your home to protect yourself from Spot units in the near future. As it currently stands, aside from dramatized television shows, a human will win in any contest against a Spot unit for so many reasons. The power button is on the back “butt” panel of the machine, if you cover it’s cameras, of which there are four, it can no longer function, it can’t outrun or chase you, and in order to actually function remotely without a majority of it’s motions being controlled via, well, the controller, it would need so much time and training on a finnicky and highly breakable coding system that it’s almost laughable. 

You could beat a Spot unit if two or more people ran at one and spray painted over it’s cameras, pressed the button on it’s ass, flipped it over, and pulled out it’s battery. And it would take you less then five minutes. Hell, if you stuck a piece of long wire through the fan grate on it, it would also just straight up die. You don’t need a sledgehammer. You just need to move fast.

[hannahwatcheshorror]

SMILE (2022)

😿Cat Dies 💁‍♀️Strong Female Lead

This movie has a spooky hook with the creepy smiling and as a psychiatric patient myself I don’t think they are too disrespectful to psychiatric patients (like some horror movies can be). The pacing is very good, though there are quite a few jump scares to be aware of (your heart rate just goes back down before the next big jump scare). It feels like a very well rounded film with good practical and special effects.

(TW Suicide)

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Dr. Rose Cotter (welcome back) is our overworked and highly traumatized psychiatrist who wants to help make everyone feel okay! Too bad she doesn’t listen when her boss (Kal “Grinning” Penn) tells her to go home for the day, she takes one last patient who ends up giving her some sort of Smile Demon. (Mondays, am I right?) This is reminiscent of the movie “It Follows” but less sex and much more suicide.  Rosie thinks nothing of it (because she’s a man of science) but then the demon literally and actually killed her cat, packaged it up, and gave it to her nephew as a gift for his birthday. WHICH all had happened on the night of a break-in so Rose should have at LEAST been able to get Holly (I see what their mom did) to agree that MAYBE someone ELSE put the dead cat in the box instead of the real gift?? But maybe that is just me? Also If a movie is going to go through the trouble of making us see a dead pet, (I hate them already BUT) why is it always such poor CGI that you can barely tell what it is in the first place? At least use a prop for goodness sake! What is the worst that will happen: people will be upset? They already decided to kill off the family cat, which they named Mustache, by the way (kind of adorable), so how dare they make it look crappy to then try and skirt around THEIR bad choice.

Petition for horror movie couples to not have pets. Let the horror movie monster just plop some fresh roadkill in the giftbox, that's more gross anyway AND you’d be worried about rabies. Plus in the context of this movie, if baby boy Jackson pulled a run over raccoon out of the hobby shop box, then everyone at the party would have been asking, “Did Dr. Cotter go down by the tracks and get herself a ‘coon?”

Finally she tries to tell her fiancée (A-Train, who at first he is super nice and reasonable so you forget about all his A-Train crimes and just see him as a very handsome man) but he doesn’t believe her, which is kind of fair because what she says is hard to believe (other than her saying she didn’t kill their cat, he should believe her on that, especially because he knows about the break in that night) but we (the audience) know that the Smile Demon is real so the more A-train doesn’t believe her the more we just feel bad for her and don’t like him. (And now I'm getting strong “They Look Like People” vibes, actually they might have even said that exact line a few times during this film… just go watch TLLP)

Which brings in her ex-boyfriend the cop? And it is giving the STRONGEST “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” third wheeling vibes but I digress… He pops up and Rose needs to use him for his police connections and he believes her about the demon because he sees all the suicides. I guess it's romantic? (Him believing her, not all the death.) I don’t know how we are supposed to feel about it other than just being glad Rosie has someone who believes her. Then she has to go fight the demon who is looking like her mom and it turns out Rose let her mom die as a kiddo, but that’s okay! Because reasons! And trauma! And honestly Dr. Cotter was such a boss when she told off her mom/the demon at this point. I am really not sure if this was a hallucination for her benefit or the demon trying to fuck with her and failing, but hey, it was cathartic for Rosie. But then her mom turns into Slenderman doing drag and it is, wow, it is rough. And they are yelling about who controls Rose’s mind, and then flames!

NOW this is where I WISH the credits roll. Because what happens next is... Just okay. So. She goes to her cop ex-boyfriend's place to have a heart to heart and it is super weird. It felt like the movie genre shifted to romantic drama but then cop ex started smiling. Turns out it wasn't over and cop ex was actually there IRL. And then Dr. Rose is covering herself in gasoline. And Cop ex watches her burn. And “lollipop” is playing loudly as the credits roll and I feel like I’ve missed something with the plot.

But yeah so it ends and I feel a little bit ripped off right there at the finale but that is often a feeling I get when watching a horror film. Overall the movie was full of suspense and a building fear so it still keeps its high score.

[glystenangel]

Breaking & Entering

Burglar!Toji x Afab!Reader (Oneshot)

tags: 18+ MDNI, exactly what you think it is, masturbation, fingering, raw sex, penetrative sex, missionary position, sex with strangers, maybe a bit of mask kink but not really, praise kink, spit kink, creampies, earlicking, cuddling, failed one night stand, some domestic shit

summary: you’re doing some self-care when all of a sudden toji breaks into your house

or a b-film porn plotline featuring you and toji + some corny fluff

~3.9k

thanks for reading and enjoy <3

_________________

You often exhausted yourself.

Every day, you would come home straight from work and fuck the stress out of yourself. After that, you usually took a long nap.

Today, your vibrator battery had died as soon as you had pulled it out of your nightstand drawer.

“Great.” You mutter, tossing it back in and laying back onto your bed with a sigh.

After a moment of unfulfilling silence, you undress yourself anyway, figuring you could rub one out with your fingers. Even if it feels juvenile. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right? 

You slide a hand down, shivering at the tentative touch of your fingertips.

It feels warm and wet. Good.

“Fuck it,” You sigh before you start to cascade your hand up and down, your breathing quickening as you insert a couple fingers.

When you’ve coaxed yourself into climaxing and the back of your head is reeling into your pillows, you hear a knock on your door.

Probably the mailman. They’re usually late and just leave your mail on the doormat, so not important enough for you to stop.

All sound fades away when you feel your pussy flood with pleasure, tingling under your palm and sopping your sheets with cum.

“God.” Your breath gets caught in your throat, and you feel tears lining the edge of your eyes.

You try to hold onto the feeling as much as possible, soaking in the reprieve from your day to day life.

A desolate sigh from your throat muddles the aftershocks.

“I wanna cum again.” You smear the cum across your clit, rubbing it in and watching the fluid with hazy eyes.

“Need some help?” A deep voice resounds from the doorway.

You lived alone.

You jolt up immediately, and you see a large man standing there. He’s tall with a solid frame of bulky muscle, and dressed in all black. The dark t-shirt he’s wearing is stretched across the broad expanse of his chest, and you can see the outline of his hard on in his pants. Although he also has on a balaclava, you can see the square cut of his jaw and the glisten of emerald in his eyes. A large canvas sack is clutched in one of his hands, and you can see the outlines of your apartment knick knacks through the material.

The fabric of your comforter is immediately fisted into your hands as you attempt to cover yourself, “Who are you?”

“Does it matter?” He cocks his head to the side, setting the bag onto the floor with little regard for the contents. 

You internally wonder what the fuck kind of response that was, “Yes!”

“Okay, I’m Toji. Can I fuck you now?” The man posits, tucking a hand into his pocket and beaming.

The blanket scrunches in your hand while you tuck it closer up to your chin. Although he doesn’t seem dangerous, you’re apprehensive purely based on the context of his arrival.

He shrugs, his next words taking an offhand tone, “You don’t have to say yes. I just wanted to help you.”

It’s almost…sweet when he puts it that way. Regardless, you take a moment to absorb his presence.

The emerald sparkle of his stare dims, “Alright, I’m gonna go.” 

Toji acquiesces with an oddly good natured attitude, and he appears to even forget about the sack at his feet when he swivels past the door frame.

“W-wait.”

The muscles of his back visibly relax, and he turns back around, “Yes?”

The reply that leaves your lips is surprising, “If it’s okay...you can stay.”

As your eyes fan downwards, you can feel the intensity of his gaze even without looking. He steps toward you, his shins brushing up against the edge of the bed before he places his palms on either side of your feet. The bold actions force you to meet his eyes again.

Then, he pulls off his mask.

Pretty is the first word that comes to mind. Cocky comes second. Both are well-deserved, with his chiseled features and sweeping, dark eyelashes. His hair is tousled from being underneath the fitted cap, onyx colored strands of silk. They contrast sharply against his olive toned skin, some hair falling over his eyes and the high bridge of his nose. The underlying movements beneath the planes of his face and body ripple with an innate confidence. It’s no question that Toji knows he’s handsome, and the corners of his mouth stretch his smirk across his face as you realize it for yourself. Stupidly, but truthfully, you want to kiss him.

“Change your mind?” He asks, wrapping a hand around your ankle.

The touch causes a tremor to run through your legs, and your breath catches fast enough to make you blink.

“Is that a problem?”

Toji rubs his thumb over your skin, where the touch is soothing and curious, “You know you’re really cute. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be so nice and all.”

“So can you? Help me?” You blurt out, growing impatient and afraid that you’ll lose your nerve.

Toji smiles and then rises to crouch over you, trailing his fingertips over your hips, “Well, let’s see. Based on what I saw, you like it like…this, right?”

He positions the pad of his thumb over your clit, and it nearly slips from how wet you already are.

A thoughtful noise leaves Toji, and then he slowly lifts his hand up to his mouth to lick the flat of his tongue over the heady slick. As soon as he swallows, his thumb is back on the swollen nub, and he deftly stuffs the middle and ring finger of his other hand into your pussy.

“And like this?”

At the intrusion, you let out a gasp, but Toji sinks his appendages deeper in. He felt so much better than you, his fingers thick and stroking the sensitive ceiling of your pussy. It makes your vision blur, and your heartbeat is so loud in your ears that you feel dizzy.

His thumb circles your clit faster and faster, squishing it repeatedly and forcing your pussy to pulse with pleasurable static. Once he’s knuckle deep, he draws his fingers in and out to follow the pace of his thumb until your back is arching into his hand. 

“Ah, oh- oh my god!” Your hands wrap around his wrist, but he dutifully continues.

It was almost as if your resistance was so slight he couldn’t feel it. You wondered exactly how strong he was.

“So cute, I can feel your pussy twitching all over my fingers. That good, huh?” He coos, twisting his fingers inside of you.

You moan, eyes rolling back into your head when his palm slaps the underside of your already overstimulated clit over and over. This is exactly what you needed.

“Damn, you’re reacting better than I expected.”

He seems amused, yet turned on by you. 

He pressed his thumb down with greater weight than before, “You really are something else.” 

You hardly hear him, and instead of replying you cum on his fingers, your pussy suckling at his fingers for as long as possible before he pulls them out.

“Fuck.” You whimper, eyebrows squeezing together and shivering at the cum seeping down your core.

Even as the aftershocks of your orgasm persist, you glance at Toji in time to see him lapping at the mess you left on his hand. He leaves one hand on your hip, anchoring himself there and seemingly to reassure you as you catch your breath.

“You taste fucking good. I’m gonna have to make you cum again.” He sends you a grin as his tongue pokes out between flashes of white teeth to finish off the last dribble of cum left.

You don’t care what you have to do, you need more of him.

You weakly reach out a hand to tug at the hem of his shirt, “Please, fuck me Toji.”

Another proud grin, “Okay.”

He tugs off his shirt, and you briefly admire the grooves of muscle that trim his figure before he undoes his lower garments and throws them into the corner of your room.

The deepest lines of muscle cut into his torso, outlining his hips and the erect girth of his cock. The entirety of it is split in half by a slow moving, almost translucent trail of precum that makes the large veins running along the bottom of his cock glisten. You watch the leaking precum until it gets caught in the coarse, jet black hair criss-crossing over his balls. 

“I’m gonna put it in nice and slow. Okay?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to not make a sound until he starts dragging his hardness over your soaking entrance.

“Toji.” You urge, wiggling your hips.

“Easy.” He whispers, effortlessly lifting your legs over his shoulders as he focuses on the languid heaving of his cock along your folds. 

Every movement can be heard, the sluggish friction punctuated by the lewd parting of your sticky folds. You think you might actually go crazy seeing your fluids wetly mixing together and oozing over the slit on the tip of his cock.

“Once I start, cum as much as you want.” He kisses the side of your knee, and then Toji starts pushing in.

He’s steady and methodical, and when your muscles tightly accept inch after inch, he lets out a groan so hotly satisfying that you instantly constrict around him. 

Although he did keep his word on going slowly, he just barely fits. You have to will yourself to maintain the stretch around him, and you nearly choke on the sheer size at any minute movement, especially with his hips now fully pressed against yours. Inside, you can feel every eager throb of his cock.

“Jesus,” Toji seems to be just as needy as you are, but he takes the time to adjust his grip on you, “Fuck. Okay.”

He brings his hips back, and you both moan at the feeling of your pussy walls clinging to Toji’s cock. Evidence of the struggle to keep him where you want him comes in the milky strings of precum that adorn the ridges of his boner. He bows his head down, experimentally driving his dick into you so he can find the spot that makes your heels bend into his back. Those first few, delicious motions cause his name to tearfully erupt from your lips, and from that point on he becomes merciless.

Your bed creaks noisily as he ruts into your pussy and makes your lungs fill with nothing but wanton pleads for him to keep going.

“Just filthy, letting a stranger fuck you like this.” Toji pants, a laugh edging along his lips as he fondly looks down at you.

The sentiment has a scowl skating across your features, “You’re the one fucking me-oh, so how dirty are you?”

He beams, “I’ll show you.”

You nearly regret asking him, because he tucks his chin against his chest and unfurls his tongue.

A long, clear thread of spit descends from his tongue, drizzling your sore clit. It then spills down onto the section of Toji’s cock that is unsheathed from your pussy, and he lets it nearly fall over the curves before he unhurriedly drives it into your pussy. You can vaguely see his spit mixing with your precum, and you can’t tell if your increased wetness is because of Toji’s saliva or his cock. It was probably both, you didn’t care enough to think more on it. 

Especially not as Toji crouches further down to place his knees firmly on either side of your thighs, plunging himself in and out and in and out and-

God, you know that you're going to cum soon.

Although your sight fails you in between mind numbing rushes of cock, your eyes stay desperately trained on his. They’re glazed over from the sheer feeling of you, and the blatant pride in that is fucked out of you every time it rears its head.

After some time, Toji’s voice breaks through the cloud of bliss you have shrouding your thoughts.

“Mind if I cum inside? Just once.” 

His waist and forehead are sheened with sweat, and you see his eyebrows cinch together before his mouth falls open with a shuddery oh shit.

You bite your lip, you know you shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t.

“Hurry. I’m gonna cum.” Toji says tightly, trying to slow his thrusts.

His abs clench with restraint, and it only makes the sides of his cock languidly caress the walls of your pussy until you can hardly see.

Well, he did ask nicely.

“Okay.” You gasp out, balancing his hips with yours and letting out a high whine when he starts fucking into your pussy faster.

“Really?” Toji grins, not stopping his pace and groaning when you clench ardently around the thick ridges of his cock.

“You’re fucking crazy.” He leans down, scanning your trembling body from where your pussy is being bullied into submission by him and splattering uncontrollable precum onto your thighs. 

When he meets your eyes, the cunning smirk never leaves his face.

“I like that. I like you.” 

He messily thrusts into you, letting your excitement seep around his cock in a pretty white ring that only grows wider as he grinds into your pussy.

“You don’t have to say it back. I know. It’s okay, just keep being good for me. Come on, let’s finish this.”

His voice is sugary yet rough in your ear, and his tongue licks at the inside of it. A shiver runs down your spine, and you can tell Toji feels it because he gives your ear another lick and spears his cock further inside your leaking, warm core.

You think you might love him.

It’s almost sickening how good he’s making you feel, sliding between your legs without a care in the world. Your silky walls beg him to stay inside, and every time he draws his cock back you get so whiny he has to shove it in hard or else you won’t shut up.

The bulky muscles of his frame are all tensed with branches of veins, and the ones adorning his stomach seem to be beating with more and more satisfaction as the slaps of your pussy yield underneath him. You can feel the sensitive nub of your clit being consistently rubbed at by his front whenever he shifts his hips. It only adds to the eye rolling pleasure of his cock as it swims through the runny syrup of your arousal. 

“I’m cumming. Fuck, ah!”  Your entire body succumbs to the heavenly sensation of your climax, your pussy thrumming with pleasure as it continues to take every pound of Toji’s insatiable dick.

“Fuck.” Toji follows you with the gritty swear, the heavy and gratifying feeling of his cum filling you up. 

He never stops, burying a hand in your hair and pinching at one of your perked nipples with the other.

“Come here, sweetheart.”

To your surprise, he leans down to kiss you, and your tongues twist together in ecstasy. As you swallow every subsequent moan, you feel him pumping his hot cum deeper into your stretched open pussy.

The fat head of Toji’s cock is dragging so harshly and perfectly along your pussy that you’re sure you’ll never get a better fucking in your life. It had to be, Toji was too good at angling himself exactly where you needed him to be. Too fucking good at gauging how much pressure and speed it took to make you cum until your voice was hoarse and you saw fuzzy white on your eyelids.

Your cunt is overwhelmed, but still sucking at Toji’s big cock as if he had only been in you for a few seconds.

“Fuck, what are we going to do? You’re getting so full.” He trails his hand down to your waist, laying his hand flat against your stomach and not hiding the proud look on his face when you let out a cry and his cum bubbles out of your quivering hole.

“More. Please, please, please.” You shamelessly beg, squirming under him.

“More?” He tilts his head, pulling you down onto his cock by the tops of your thighs.

The sharp memory of cumming echoes in your pussy, your folds clamping around his cock.

At your clear need, the corner of Toji’s mouth lifts, “Sure, why not?” 

_________________

After thoroughly fucking you late into the night, you find yourself encased in Toji’s strong arms, shaking as he soothes his hands over your ravaged figure and tells you how amazing it was. His chest is solid against your back, and your hands are over his as he hugs you close.

“Shit.” You quietly pant, willing the fog over your mind to dispel, “Shit.”

Toji chuckles, and the deep rumble of it makes your stomach flutter.

“God, that was fucked up.”

“Shut up.” You lift your chin to look up at him, and he kisses your forehead in amusement.

“Don’t go there, you won’t like how I shut you up.” 

The words make you immediately duck your chin into your collarbone, and he laughs again while tugging you nearer.

You can feel the shape of his mouth nestled in the hair behind your ear, “I’m kidding, we’re done. For now.”

This time, you turn, “For now?”

Toji shrugs, “You don’t want me to come over again?”

You scoff, and the sound only makes his lips pull over the white of his canines in a wide grin.

“You were robbing me!”

“And then I fucked you. Real fucking good too. Can’t say I’ve done that anywhere else I’ve broken into. Don’t you feel special? Being my first.”

At that, you press your lips firmly together.

“Come on, don’t be like that. I’m not a criminal all the time. Wouldn’t ever hurt you either, unless you wanted me to.” The man drawls, and you almost want to laugh because it’s oddly comforting.

You stay quiet though, and Toji’s teasing demeanor falters.

“Come on.” He repeats more gently, arms encircling your waist.

“You’re gonna put everything back. And, you’ll stop being a piece of shit.” You finally say, bewildering yourself with your own voice.

He smiles so genuinely it makes you feel stupid, but you can’t help how your heart swells at the sight of it.

“Deal on the first part. No promises on the other thing.”

_________________

When you wake up the next morning, your stomach drops when you realize Toji is no longer sleeping next to you.

You rush out, quickly tugging on clothes and scanning your apartment with your heart in your throat.

“Sweetheart, I’m right here.” 

Mechanically, your eyes land on him. He gives you a cheeky wave, and the air floods back into your chest. 

“I didn’t wanna wake you up. You look pretty cute asleep, you know.”

The two of you stare at each other motionless for a while. For some reason, you’re speechless.

Toji is more disheveled than you thought he would be, seemingly held together by bits of sleep and the wrinkles of his t-shirt. His hair is mussed and swept up, as if he woke up and raked his hands through it until the chaos was out of his face. Leaned against your counter with a tired smile, he looks like he belongs in your kitchen. Like he might have always been there, in between your snack filled cabinets and the glass stove. You would be damned if you pretended he wasn’t looking extremely good either, cowlick and all. He peers lazily into the toaster as the red wiring lights up, and then back up to you.

“You want a waffle?”

_________________

Toji never leaves your apartment after that day.

Eventually and at your urging, he gets a proper job. You can easily piece together that he still indulges himself with some shady shit, but he fucks you into the mattress every night and helps you pay the rent now so you suppose it’s fine.

Sometimes, Toji will gift you fine jewelry and when you question where he got it from he’ll shrug and say he found it on the street.

You know what he means, but you give him a kiss and thank him for it anyway.

He also tells you he loves you almost every day, and sulks when you don’t immediately reply back with the same, affectionate phrase. It reminds you of a cat, the way he’ll complain until you kiss him on the nose and tell him you love him back. When you meet the handful of friends he has, he presents you as the best thing that ever happened to him. You shyly swat his arm whenever he introduces you that way, but he keeps saying it regardless.

One day, he gives you a ring. 

“Oh, it doesn’t fit.” You slide the band of metal around your index finger, and then let it snugly sit just below your middle knuckle.

Toji tsks from beside you on the couch, “Let me try.”

He grabs your hand, smoothly taking off the ring and then lifting your hand in his. Your heart still rushes with warmth whenever he touches you, and you quietly admire the lines of his handsome face as he examines your hand. Careful is the best word for how he handles you, eyes searching your fingers for the perfect place. His lengthy eyelashes are lowered, and you only see tiny peeks of verdant glimmer behind them. The smooth expanse of his cheeks are sculpted and lovely, lined with invisible specks of kisses you had given him earlier.

Then, wordlessly, he places it on your left ring finger.

It fits so perfectly you hardly register that it’s separate from your skin. As adrenaline rushes up your spine in epiphany, a thought obscures your potential joy.

“Wait,” You take pause before you can scream out in excitement, “Did you steal this?”

The inquiry makes Toji sneer and reel back into his seat.

“Fuck no! I’m not gonna steal our engagement rings.”

Every subsequent question or breath you had is knocked out of your chest.

“Oh my god! Toji-” You interrupt yourself when you give him an elated kiss on the cheek, and he wraps his hands around your waist as you shout, “So it is! And- wow! It’s so pretty!”

A chuckle escapes Toji as he smooths a hand down the back of your head before pulling you into his lap to hold you close.

“So, is that a yes? You’ll marry me?”

“Yes!” You give him a kiss that he returns just as happily, and then you settle back into his arms.

Peering at the ring and leaning your cheek into the nape of his neck, you sigh.

“Thank you, Toji. I love you so much.”

At your last declaration, you look up and find his eyes again. When your gazes meet, you can’t even attempt to describe the devoted adoration shared between you both. 

“I love you too. I’m gonna take care of you, you know that?” His voice is watery, and after loving him for so long you know how genuine Toji’s promise is.

He bows his head low, emotion flooding his vision and peering at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world .

You place your hand on his cheek, fighting back your own tears.

“I know.”  Then, you lightly elbow him and your tone is infused with laughter, “That’s what you get for robbing me.”

Toji hugs you closer with a roll of his eyes, but gently rests his chin on the top of your head.

“That’s what I get.”

_________________

End Notes:

lowkey was laughing while i wrote this but also it's kinda hot? idk don't look at me HAHA

longer than i intended it to be, got carried away lol lmk ur thoughts<3

[realcube]

saying things they don’t mean during an argument

 navi | masterlist | taglist 

thank you to anon for this request <3

characters ♡ msby black jackals (hinata, sakusa, atsumu, bokuto)

content warning ♡ angst, hurt to comfort, fluff, swearing, crying, adoption  (sakusa’s) & suffocation (?)

kōtarō bokuto 

♡ you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest - you knew he was a bit boyish sometimes but you never expected him to be so childish in regards to a simple request

♡ ‘bokuto, i have so much on my plate!’ you cried, tightly gripping the sheets underneath you, ‘planning the wedding, going to work, doing almost every chore in this damn house and filing all our fucking taxes!’

♡ you momentarily paused to look at him, expecting a look of sympathy but instead getting an eyeroll which prompted you to continue, ‘and all i am asking for is you to run a few errands! that’s it! why are you so opposed? i thought you enjoyed grocery shopping?!’

♡ bokuto pulled his night-shirt over his head as he stormed to his side of the bed, ‘it’s not fun without you!’  he whined childishly, plopping himself down next to you and gasping when you had the audacity to shuffle away from him

♡ ‘it’s not supposed to be fun, bokuto!’ you yelled, completely fed-up with him at this point, ‘a few errands, that’s all i ask of you!’

♡ bokuto notices how your voice shook and your lashline glistened; he didn’t want you to cry so he begrudgingly gave it, but with a strong comment to go along with it so you knew that he really didn’t want to 

♡ 'fine! i don't need you anyway!'

♡ then proceeded to dramatically pull the duvet over himself and pout, averting his gaze to the wall opposite 

♡ in this context, he hoped that you’d understand his comment and not take him too seriously but since you were already on the verge of tears, this simply pushed you over the edge

♡ you buried your face in your hands and hid under the blanket in hopes he didn’t realise you were crying but his senses are just different when it comes to you so try stifle that sob all you want, he’s still going to hear it and he’s still going to instantly pull you into his arms while frantically apologising 

♡ ‘please don’t cry, (y/n)! i really didn’t mean it- i do need you! i love you so much, my life wouldn’t be the same without you! you do so much for me and i am so sorry for not showing you how grateful i am! like you’re so pretty and kind and talented and smart - only geniuses can do taxes - so i’m just so lucky to be with you and i can’t wait until we’re married. please, don’t leave!’

♡ eventually his praise slowly became pleas as he begged for you not to leave/hate him

♡ he does not want to lose you bc of a silly comment he made-

♡ eventually his endless pleas started to become more than background noise to your sobs, so you finally hugged him back, whispering, ‘i can’t wait to marry you too, kō.’

♡ this action lifted a massive weight off his chest and he let out an audible sigh of relief, his grip on you loosening, ‘mhm, and of course, i’ll run the errands, babe. i suppose, it’s the least i could do.’

♡ you hummed in agreement, glad that a part of your mental stress had been relieved, allowing you to finally relax in his arms and perhaps doze off in his loving embrace 

♡ ...

♡ ‘mm, you smell like marshmallows, (y/n)- can i add marshmallows to the shopping list?’

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he spoke as if you were making some crazy, otherworldly request but in reality, all you were asking was for him to take paternity leave to help you care for the baby 

♡ you’re not really a baby-expert so you thought that sakusa would be happy to stay home and learn how to care for the child with you - as a couple, as a team 

♡ but he was extremely opposed to the idea, spewing out a much of nonsense as to why he needs to go to work, but a part of believed that he just didn’t want to deal with his child - or maybe, he didn’t want to deal with you

♡ ‘sakusa, how do you expect me to raise a whole baby on my own! they need a lot of attention - i don’t think you understand how big of a commitment this is, you can’t treat it like a hobby!’ you cried, having long before burst into tears because your mind told you the worse - that he didn’t actually love you, he lied about wanting a kid, he lied when he said ‘i do’.

♡ usually during arguments when he notices that you’ve started to cry, he’ll drop everything he was doing to shuffle over to you and wrap you in arms, then whisper sweet-nothings into your ear until you feel better but today, he showed little consideration to your emotions as he continued pacing through the living room while you bawled your eyes out on the couch

♡ ‘i thought you loved (c/n)! you were so gentle around them but it turns out you’re not even willing to take a paternity leave to help take care of them!’

♡ ‘what happened to the man i married?’

♡ ‘kiyoomi, you need to revaluate yourse--’

♡ you wouldn’t allow him to get a word in, which was probably for the best considering he had nothing good to say 

♡ but you were forced to cut yourself off when heard the sound of shattering so you immediately search for the source of the noise and there stood sakusa, his hand resting on the decorative table in the place your framed wedding photo once was - now, it was laying smashed on the ground surrounded by it’s own glass shards

♡ he pushed it off like the petty bastard he was

♡ while you sat stunned, staring the mess he just voluntarily made, he quickly turned on his heel and strolled away at a leisurely pace, 'my life was a lot easier before you entered it.'

♡ that was the last you heard of it for the next three days - you were giving each other the silent treatment 

♡ you couldn’t have any sort of grain for three whole days bc they are all on the top shelf and you usually make him grab it for you but you refused to talk to him- 

♡ you were the first one to break it though as you noticed that he hadn’t went to work for the last three days and curiosity got the better of you 

♡ ‘kiyoomi.’ you called out to him from the kitchen but he didn’t even look up from his book - ‘parenting for dummies’ - causing you to scoff, ‘why aren’t you going to work? did something happen?’

♡ finally, he sighed and shifted his gaze off his book but only to shoot you demeaning look, as if you were stupid, ‘paternity leave, duh.’

♡ the corners of your lips twitched into a smile, which you quickly forced away when you recalled the events that occurred three days ago and the hurtful things he said, instinctively looking over at the decorative table to remind yourself of what he did 

♡ but to your surprise, the picture was no longer laying on the ground, pooling in shards of glass but rather, it sit on the table with a brand new frame - which had both of your initials engraved onto it along with the date of the ceremony

♡ you didn’t need to choke out an inquiry as sakusa noticed your stunned expression and answered on his own, ‘i bought a new frame. i hope you like it.’

♡ of course you liked it; this one was a chic black with silver decals which matched your living room aesthetic way better than the other, tacky blue one did - plus, this one was customised which made you love it even more

♡ ‘i do. i really do. but i don’t like your attitude lately.’ you muttered, shaking your head as you waddled over to the couch 

♡ sakusa was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you down next to him, ‘i’m sorry, love.’ his voice cracked slightly as he whispered in your ear, ‘i cannot put into words how much harder my life would be without you. i just..hope you understand.’

♡ it’s not that sakusa was bad with words; he was just too emotional and overwhelmed to produce a long, coherent sentiment for you so he just prayed that you recognized that everything he said on that day was meaningless

♡ ‘i love you, (y/n).’

atsumu miya

♡ you rolled your eyes, ignoring him and continuing to type your essay until atsumu slammed your laptop closed

♡ ‘please, (y/n)! you know how much this means to me! i’ve been waiting for this festival for years!’

♡ you scoffed, folding your arms and patiently waiting for him to move his filthy hand off your laptop, ‘i do and i’m proud of you. but i have a lecture that day and my exams are just around the corner - and you know how much my education means to me.’

♡ atsumu had to take a moment to suppress a gag at how sickening and condescending your tone was, ‘it’s just one lecture, (y/n)! you’re not going to fail your exams because you missed one lectu--’

♡ ‘you don’t know that.’

♡ atsumu blinked twice, a unimpressed expression painted on his face as he let out a sigh, realising there was no possible way he’s going to be able to get through to you - i mean, he’s been trying for the last 20 minutes to no avail

♡ he ran his hand through his hairs, turning on his heel, heading towards the door and left

♡ but not before peering over his shoulder to shoot you a nasty glare and spitting, ‘you’re so selfish. you can’t even do one thing that’d make me happy - you never can.’

♡ that was the final thing he said to you for the next....20 minutes 

♡ that’s actually a new record for him - usually he storms out of the room, sulks for a minute or two then renters to beg for your forgiveness 

♡ but not today. he was so mad that he needed 20 whole minutes to cool down and come to his senses

♡ but once he did, when he came back into the room, he expected to see you typing your essay or studying as usual since his words don’t usually effect you too much 

♡ so of course he was shocked when he slipped back into your shared bedroom to see you with the duvet tossed over your whole figure, faint sobs coming from underneath 

♡ his immediate reaction was to pull the blanket away and offer himself as your source of heat, so he wrapped you in his muscular embrace, ‘b-babe.’ he stuttered, eyes-wide as he never would’ve thought you’d take his words seriously, ‘are you okay?’

♡ he knew that was a stupid question but he simply asked it to determine how sad you were - and considering you weren’t able to babble out a reply, that wasn’t a good sign

♡ ‘you’re not selfish.’ he reassured you while rubbing circles on your back, ‘if anything, i was being selfish- and nothing makes me as happy as you do, (y/n). i- i really didn’t mean it.’

♡ he paused only to place a kiss on the top of your head, ‘i love you- and to show you how much i love you..i’ll drop you off at your lecture on that day, and take you to the festival afterwards; does that sound good?’

♡ you were finally able to choke out a response but only to explain how unachievable his idea was, ‘my lecture finishes at 5 and the festival ends at 7, and there is a 45 minute drive between the two- you’re only going to be able to spend a little over an hour there.’

♡ ‘and i’ll have a blast in that time!’

♡ you sighed, your lips twitching into a small smile as you buried your face into his chest as you really couldn’t look him in the eye, ‘and why can’t you just go without me again?’ 

♡ ‘who the fuck am i going to play dance dance revolution against if you don’t come?’

shōyo hinata 

♡ you crossed your arms over your chest, internally regretting ever opening your mouth to try calm down fiancé as now, not only is he even more angry, but also most of his anger with now directed at you rather than manager, like it was previously 

♡ eventually, you started to develop a headache from all his screaming and shouting so you politely asked him to calm down, to which he replied, ‘calm down?! you’re the one who made me mad with your rude-ass comment and now you’re telling me to calm down?!’

♡ you preferred it when he was demanding for you to say ‘butt’ instead of ‘ass’ because now that’s he spent more time with bokuto, he’s started swearing more often and to be honest, it’s scary when a 5″4 ginger sunshine is yelling at you, calling you a ‘rude-ass’

♡ ‘shōyō, if i’m completely honest, i have no idea why what i said was so mean and i have no idea what’s going on- why are you so mad at your manager?’

♡ suddenly, he twisted his neck to look at you as if you had just been possessed, ‘what?’ he inquired in a hushed tone, his voice hoarse and oddly sinister  

♡ you quirked a brow, too tired of his constant bitching to pay attention to his tone of voice, ‘yeah, you speak too fast, shōyō.’ you said with a shrug, checking your nails to ensure that he knew that you truly did not care about how he scowled at you, ‘plus, i just don’t understand why this gets you so worked up - i try, i really do, but i guess your volleyball problems just go over my head.’

♡ hinata clenched his fist, realising that he wasn’t going to make any progress by complaining to you. he whipped his head away before storming off, not even sparing you a final glance, ‘you just don’t get it; you don’t understand anything i say and you don’t even make a fucking effort! you just think you are so much better than everyone - well, you’re not! try coming back down to reality with the rest of us, and then we can talk.’

♡ followed by a slam of the door which rattled through the whole apartment

♡ you really had never seen hinata so angry before in your 6 years of being together 

♡ the words he said were far from pleasant and a part of you wondered in he genuinely meant them, perhaps he had been supressing those thoughts for ages and now that he was finally mad, he could let it all out

♡ though you tried to reassure yourself that everyone says things they don’t mean when they are angry, but the tears started flowing on their own

♡ hinata didn’t plan on seeing you for another few hours as he had the idea of heading over to bokuto’s, have a drink and cool down but when he hopped out the shower, he realised he had left his phone in the bedroom - where he left you. 

♡ begrudgingly, he slid into the room with the intention of grabbing his phone then leaving but that went to shit when he noticed that you were bundled up under the blankets, and he could hear distant sniffles coming from underneath

♡ and hinata only has four moods: mad asf, happy asf, loving you & volleyball...asf

♡ so upon seeing you in such a state, presumably because of what he said, elicited his mood to change from ‘mad asf’ to ‘loving you’ 

♡ he pounced on you, causing you to fall sideways and squeal but he simply did not give a fuck

♡ ‘baby! i am so sorry! i didn’t think what i said would make you cry!’ he blubbered, or at least, that’s what it sounded like since you couldn’t actually see him due to the fact he had trapped you under the blankets, ‘i don’t know why i even said that! you’re not like that at all- i don’t think of you like that!’

♡ he paid little regard for your pleas of mercy as you squirmed frantically under the blanket, trying to escape his grip and body weight. he simply continued babbling on about how sorry he was and how amazing you are, ‘you are down here with the rest of us - i just said for no reason. please don’t be mad! you are - what does bokuto call it again? - oh! a humble--’

♡ ‘shōyō! i’ll forgive you if you get off me right now - i can hardly breathe!’

[knowlesian]

brief story from the worst job i ever had, just because.

said worst job was working at a rinky-dink irish pub. the guy who technically ran it owned two locations in my area; i worked at the one everyone knew sucked. it was, however, the ONLY BAR IN TOWN. everything else closed at ten pm, more or less: we stayed open.

when you are the only bar in town, people will put up with a lot of shit because people like to drink in public for reasons i still don’t super understand. did i mention i don’t actually like bars? because. i don’t.

this job was what taught me that!

(for fun context: i was not twenty one at any point when i worked there. but since the pub served food until ten pm when it officially became a bar, i was legally allowed to work there until ten pm at which point it was lowkey illegal to keep me on shift?

i of course worked until close and then after if i worked nights that week, without fail, they just put my hours on the books in ways i assume were also illegal and made me promise if the cops showed up, i’d head out the back and swear to god i was just there to pick up something i needed that i’d left behind if that didn’t work.

i repeat: worst job i ever had.)

so: we had a rotating group of bouncers. they were essentially volunteers/friends of the bar who got paid off-books and in free food and alcohol while on the job: this will soon matter.

one of them was this really nice guy who was originally from texas. picture the whitest, most captain america by way of andy griffith throwback looking dude ever and you are riiiiight on the money. honestly? i’m going to call him andy because then i won’t slip up and use his real name.

andy was super nice, very soft spoken, and had a thing about Being A Gentleman. he was almost weirdly polite and didn’t treat me like an idiot or get creepy, so i stuck to him like glue whenever i could because thaaaaat was not the case for most of the other bouncers and bartenders. (did i mention they only hired men to bartend? because they did!!!!)

another thing about andy: he used to rodeo. legit bronc busting, he had a fuck-off big belt buckle and everything. he’d busted his nose a bunch and had all these interesting/horrifying scars and stories about getting thrown off and how he kept going, every single time. 

in hindsight i think that should have been my indication of the final fact i will tell you about him.

because when andy got drunk, andy went APESHIT. truly: this man thought he was invincible. he was loud, he was ten feet tall and made of steel now, and he was fucking READY TO FIGHT YOU.

we used to host bands a lot because of the only bar in town factor, and this particular afternoon there was a terrible irish punk band playing. all the bands we hosted were pretty terrible, but they were reeeeeeally bad. like: horrendous. the kind of terrible where they were friends with the owner’s nephew and that’s why they got the spot.

andy, being now very drunk, decided to tell the drummer he sucked ass during what i will be kind and term a set break. he started there: i won’t repeat where he went with it.

the drummer didn’t like that. so they start yelling back and forth, the bassist gets in on it, and pretty soon the whole band and all their friends are ready to kick andy’s ass.

it seemed like they would be very good at punching, so all of a sudden the rest of us realize: we need to stop this. drunk andy has never even heard of deescalation. drunk andy will FIGHT THEM ALL. drunk andy will end up a smear in the parking lot and/or the cops will arrive, and none of us want that.

so as a team we shoved him into the kitchen. and then, as one, the rest of the staff turn and look at me; andy’s nerdy little duckling.

they shoved me after him. 

and here’s the thing: andy wanted to fight that band, so bad. so, so bad. he had a foot and a good hundred pounds on me, but it was like i had a force field around me. he went left; i went left. he tried to hop over the kitchen divider, i went around it and waited on the other side. 

this went on for about fifteen minutes. i had to essentially play very slow tag with a drunk knockoff steve rogers in the back of the house while he yelled past me that they could FUCKIN SUCK IT HE WOULD BEAT ALL THEIR ASSES and then immediately apologized to me for yelling. then he did it again, and again.

finally, his mom (another friend of the bar) came to yank him into a car and take him home to sleep it off and i finished out my day serving jagerbombs to a terrible irish punk band.

and that was the time i watched an ex-rodeo dude attempt to fight a whole irish punk band, the end.

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

The Way I Am

Pairing: Geralt x Jaskier Warning(s): virgin!geralt, loss of virginity, erectile dysfunction Rating: explicit

Summary: Geralt doesn't think anyone could ever want him because he can't perform sexually, Jaskier makes a point of proving him wrong.

Geralt has never been wholly comfortable with his body. It was essentially created to kill monsters and survive and for no other purpose and it does its job, but Geralt doesn't like it. And not only because now that he's older it's covered in scars and his left knee has never been the same since the injury, but his body doesn't function normally. He's not supposed to be human, not any longer, but he hates that his heartbeat is so slow, hates that he can't turn off the hypersensitivity when he's in a crowd. 

But the second round of trials brought with them an additional problem that he doesn't share with the others. When he was younger, it was his hair that bothered him the most, that set him apart even from the other Witchers who shared the rest of his maladies, but as he grew his hair became the least of his problems.

Geralt was fourteen when he realized his cock didn't work the same as everyone else's. Which is to say, it didn't work at all.

It wasn't unusual for the boys to mess around with one another; they were all learning and developing and with the heightened senses it could be a lot. But Geralt never had before and the very first time it went… badly. The other boy had been confused as to why he couldn't get hard and when Geralt had continued to struggle, the other boy eventually tired of waiting and went off to find someone else.

It hadn't meant much at the time, but Geralt had continued to dwell on it, thinking about the look on the other boy's face, how wrong it had made him feel. He hadn't tried again after that, afraid to face the same confusion and rejection a second time, afraid to even share his secret with those closest to him. Eskel, he's sure, wouldn't care that he was broken, but Geralt wasn't willing to take that chance.

So when they set out on the Path, Geralt makes a point to avoid sex in any context, bottling up the need when it arises and focusing on his job above anything else. He knows no one will want him because he has nothing to offer them in bed and that's just something he has to live with. But he still feels the need, still desires a soft touch, but even that seems beyond his reach because he's a Witcher and people have little love for Witchers.

Then, he meets Jaskier who is both a blessing and a curse. Because Jaskier is soft and sweet and beautiful and treats Geralt like he's no different than anyone else, but Jaskier is also stunningly beautiful and Geralt longs to get his hands on him. But he knows how that would end, so he keeps him at arm's length, and still, Jaskier just continues traipsing around after him. He takes his leave on occasion, but never longer than a few weeks at a time before he's bounding back into Geralt's life with some new wonderful thing to tell him about.

And Geralt, regrettably, falls hard.

He can't tell Jaskier how he feels because he knows the second they fell into bed together, the whole thing would fall apart. Because no one wants someone who can't perform and at this point, Geralt is so inexperienced, he'd be embarrassed to even consider sleeping with someone, even someone as caring as Jaskier.

So he keeps his feelings to himself for years, suffering through Jaskier's failed relationships and many more dalliances in between. And he tells himself he's okay with it because he could never be what Jaskier wants anyway. Then one night, they're in the city for a festival. Jaskier is performing and between sets he's ducking back to their table, chatting away happily with Geralt and sharing drinks with him. And by the end of the night, they're both a little drunk.

So when Jaskier saunters up and climbs into his lap, Geralt doesn't stop him. Because Jaskier's hands feel good on him and he so rarely gets to indulge in even the faintest of touches. Jaskier's sitting back, smiling at him as he twists his fingers through Geralt's hair and then he gently tips forward, pressing their foreheads together.

"Geralt?" he breathes, "Can I kiss you?"

Everything in him screams no because he can't let himself have this little bit of Jaskier and then never again, but he's already come this far. So he nods, slips a hand up around the back of Jaskier's neck and pulls him close.

And Jaskier's mouth slides against his own like it was meant for it, soft and needy and he doesn't seem to care that Geralt is a little out of his depth. He guides him, showing him how to move and Geralt copies Jaskier's motions as well as he can, licking lightly into his mouth and nibbling on his lip.

Jaskier moans against him, sliding forward so their bodies are pressed together, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging and oh he likes that. But then Jaskier pushes further, sliding a hand down Geralt's chest and pressing against his crotch, and Geralt panics.

He shoves him away without thinking, sitting back in his seat, and when he looks up Jaskier looks hurt and confused. And Geralt knows he can't tell but he doesn't know what to say to him, so he pushes himself up and hurries away, making for their room.

He shuts the door and locks it behind him, stripping out of his outer layers and curling up in the bed. He knows Jaskier will be back before too long or if Geralt's lucky, he'll find someone else's bed to sleep in tonight and Geralt won't have to worry about him until the morning.

But it isn't long before Geralt hears the clink of a key in the hole and the door pushing open into the room. He doesn't look up and he doesn't move from his spot on the bed, but he listens to Jaskier. The door shuts and Jaskier crosses to the other side of the room, carefully undressing, but what Geralt isn't expecting is to hear the sound of his footsteps coming back toward him. Then the blankets are pulled back and a gust of cold air hits his back before Jaskier climbs up into bed with him.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, reaching out and tentatively brushing his fingers along Geralt's back. "I didn't mean to push, I thought it would be okay."

"It's fine," Geralt whispers.

"Obviously not, darling or you wouldn't have pulled away like that. I don't mind."

"It is," Geralt insists, "I… like when you touch me."

"Okay. What was bad about tonight, then?" Geralt just groans into his pillow, pulling it up around his face. One of Jaskier's hands comes up to settle on his arm and he leans up over him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But you can, Geralt. You can talk to me about anything."

"It's just," he pauses, curling his fingers around the edge of the pillow in frustration. "I'm… broken." Immediately, he can feel Jaskier's despair and he doesn't know what else to say, he doesn't want to make it worse.

"You're not, love."

"I am," he snaps, frustrated by Jaskier's continued gentleness. "My fucking prick doesn't work, Jaskier."

"Oh," Jaskier says quietly and Geralt wants to scream, to throw something, but Jaskier just wraps his arms around him and holds him closer. "They have medications for that, enchantments."

"They don't work. I got desperate once and tried, even Yen- It was the trials, Jaskier, it's irreversible."

"The others-" he starts but Geralt cuts him off.

"Just me."

Jaskier nuzzles against his back and squeezes more firmly around him. There's silence for a long time, just the sound of Jaskier's breath, and Geralt focuses on the steady rise and fall, letting it soothe him.

"You know," Jaskier whispers at length, "none of that matters to me. I'm so sorry you were made to feel like you were somehow broken, Geralt, but it doesn't matter to me. I- I love you. For who you are, not for your cock, and I don't want you to think something's wrong with you because of it. You're too important to me." Geralt scoffs and Jaskier flattens his palm against his chest, sliding up over his heart.

"Don't argue with me, Witcher. "My love is mine to give."

"But I'm-"

Jaskier sighs softly, brushing his fingers against Geralt's skin. "Beautiful," he whispers, "kind, soft, loving. You're a wonderful man, Geralt, and there are already so many who refuse to see that. Don't be one of them. I'm not going to stop loving you, so you might as well accept it."

He presses his forehead against Geralt's back, kissing up his spine and Geralt shudders under the touch, biting back the insistence that he's not enough, that Jaskier will tire of him because he can't fuck him. Eventually, the soft brush of Jaskier's fingers and his lips calms him and Geralt drifts off, still wrapped up in his arms.

In the morning, he wakes to Jaskier's breath against the back of his neck. They've shifted during the night, so Jaskier is curved right around him, fitted against his body like he belongs there, and as soon as he realizes Geralt's awake, Jaskier kisses the side of his neck and slides an arm up his chest.

"Good morning," he hums.

"Mm, morning."

"How did you sleep, love?" Geralt hums but doesn't answer. He slept better than he has in a long time, but he doesn't know how to say that to Jaskier. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mm?"

"Does it still feel good when someone touches you?"

"I… don't know."

"Can I?"

"You don't have to," Geralt breathes, "I know it's not worth it for you-"

"Geralt," Jaskier interrupts gently, "I thought we went over this. I am in love with you and it's going to take a lot more than a soft prick to keep me away so unless you tell me not to, I will do everything I can to make you feel good."

Jaskier shifts behind him, and the arm wrapped around him slips lower, fingertips slipping through the patch of hair right above his waistband.

"Can I?" Jaskier asks again and Geralt can't bring himself to speak, too afraid to break whatever spell or dream he's trapped in. He nods against the pillow and Jaskier leans up, kissing his shoulder. "Tell me if it's too much, love."

Jaskier fumbles a little with the buttons on his trousers, getting them undone with one hand before slipping inside and wrapping around his cock. He squeezes a little at first, then moves on to stroking him slowly, letting Geralt feel him as he moves down the length of him. Sparks shoot up his spine and Geralt squirms, pushing into the touch and groaning softly because no one has ever touched him like this and it's overwhelming.

"I can't," he whispers and Jaskier immediately lets him go, but Geralt can feel Jaskier's cock swelling against his lower back and it only makes him feel guilty. "No one's ever touched me like that."

"Darling, I'm so sorry. Did it feel good?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Jaskier hums, "that's all I want." Jaskier smoothes his hand up Geralt's side, kissing his shoulders and humming against him. "Do you want to try again? It can be a little overwhelming, but I promise you it'll feel good."

Jaskier gets his hand around him again and Geralt groans as he strokes him, fingers slipping up around the head of his cock pulling back at the foreskin so he can touch him properly. Pressure builds as Jaskier touches him, squeezing around the base then pulling up the length of him again. And Geralt can barely breathe, he’s engulfed with pleasure as Jaskier kisses his neck and his shoulders and presses up against him.

And Jaskier is hard, digging into the small of his back and Geralt wants so badly to turn around and touch him, but he can hardly think through the fog of pleasure. His hips twitch forward, pressing himself into Jaskier's hand and Jaskier loosens his grip a little, letting Geralt fuck between his fingers.

"You're beautiful like this," Jaskier whispers, "Geralt you have no idea how lovely you are." He hums against him, pressing his nose into Geralt's hair. "Are you gonna come for me?"

"It feels-" Geralt gasps, but then Jaskier's hand is around him again, slipping to the base to stroke him quickly.

"Good?" Jaskier asks.

"Like I'm gonna split apart."

"Yeah, it will. You're so close, love, so close."

Geralt jerks in his grasp as the pleasure peaks and he's not certain how he can contain this feeling but then he's coming, spilling over Jaskier's hand and onto the sheets. And he's never felt anything like it before but it's incredible. Blood rushes in his ears and he's only barely aware of Jaskier talking to him as he whines and squirms against him.

Then it's over and he's left panting and hot, sweat gathering at the hollow of his neck and Jaskier's hand slips up his chest soothingly.

"How was that?" he breathes, pressing his lips to Geralt's shoulder.

"Felt good," Geralt mumbles, "really good."

"Yeah," Jaskier agrees, "it feels incredible. And just think of all the different ways I can make you come." His hips jerk, pressing into Geralt's back and he mutters a faint apology against his skin.

"What about you?" Geralt asks, turning in Jaskier's arms to face him. Jaskier tips forward, catching his lips in a brief kiss.

"This is for you, my darling, we can worry about me another time."

"I've never," Geralt starts but he feels awkward talking about it and ducks his head, staring instead at where Jaskier's hand reaches out to twine his fingers with his own. "I've never been with anyone and I know I can't, but…" he trails off and Jaskier presses in again, kissing his lips before tipping his head up.

"Geralt if you want me to fuck you all you have to do is ask."

"I didn't think anyone would want to."

"I do. Fuck, Geralt, the number of times I've thought about it… I've always wanted you ever since the first day. I don't care how your body reacts as long as you're enjoying yourself. So yes, Geralt, if you want me to fuck you I'd be more than happy to."

"Please?" Geralt breathes and Jaskier gets both arms around him, hauling him up against him and rolling onto his back.

Geralt settles quickly as Jaskier's hands slide down his back and over his ass, catching on the waistband of his trousers. When he tips his head up, Jaskier is looking back at him, his eyes dark with lust but somehow still soft and Geralt can't help but dip down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. And Jaskier hums against him, sliding one hand back up to the back of his head and deepening the kiss.

He presses one thigh between Geralt's legs drawing him in and Geralt lets out a shuddering breath as his cock grinds up against Jaskier's leg.

"That's it," Jaskier hums, "I'm here for you, too, darling just wanna make you feel good." He pushes his trousers down, encouraging the roll of Geralt's hips as he gets them off of him and then, as he brings his hands back up, Geralt's attention is diverted.

His cock feels incredible where he presses it into Jaskier's thigh, but practiced fingers slip up over his ass, spreading his cheeks and dipping between and Geralt holds his breath. Realistically, he knows how men have sex, has seen his brothers do it and has come across it more than once in his travels, but he never expected it to happen to him and he can barely think.

Jaskier reaches for something on the floor, fumbling with it, and the next time he touches him, his fingers are cool and slick. He drags them across Geralt's hole and Geralt whines at the sensation that flickers through him. He drops to his elbows, burying his face in Jaskier's neck.

"Feel good?"

"Mmhm."

"Good. Want more?"

"Please."

"Mm," Jaskier hums, "how could I refuse when you ask so nicely?"

He brushes his fingers over him again, letting them catch on his rim and pressing a little firmer when they do. He circles his hole, pressing against it consistently and then pushes the tip of one finger into him and Geralt nearly cries out. Jaskier's free hand comes up to the back of his neck, stroking slowly.

"Still good?" he asks and when Geralt nods he hums pleasantly. "Good. It's gonna stretch a little, especially when I get my cock in you, but just tell me if it's too much, okay?"

Jaskier presses in a little further and Geralt inhales sharply. He remembers all the calming techniques he was taught as a child and shuts his eyes, breathing slowly. It feels good, having Jaskier's finger inside him and he likes the stretch of it, but he's already creeping close to the edge again, the pressure within him building and he doesn't want it to be over yet, he wants Jaskier to fuck him.

And it feels incredible when Jaskier adds a second finger, when he presses all the way in and rubs into him. He finds a spot deep within him that has Geralt moaning wantonly and grinding hard against Jaskier's cock. And Jaskier groans under him, not faltering as he continues thrusting into him, sending sparks of pleasure up Geralt's spine.

"Fuck," Jaskier groans, "Geralt you're so fucking sexy and you know I'd be happy to make you come on my fingers ten times over, but I'm not gonna last with you grinding against me like that. Think you're ready for my cock?"

"Yes," Geralt rasps and Jaskier is quick to pull out of him, but Geralt doesn't have the chance to miss the fullness before he's being shifted and the head of Jaskier's cock is pressing against him, pushing in.

It's much bigger than his fingers, but Geralt just keeps himself steady, face pressed into Jaskier's shoulder as he takes all of him. And once Jaskier is settled, he shifts his hips slowly, allowing Geralt to adjust to the intrusion.

And it feels amazing, the absolute fullness and the pressure against his cock as Jaskier's thrusts rock him and the fact that it's Jaskier, that he wants him despite everything. Geralt can't cope and he shuts his eyes, burying his face in Jaskier's neck and kissing him softly, frantically.

Jaskier keeps up the pace, finding an angle that hits that spot and sticking with it until Geralt can only whimper and moan with every thrust. It's all so much and before long, he's moving with him, unable to keep still any longer. He pushes back onto Jaskier's cock and ruts against his stomach, whining at the sensitivity of his cock and then without warning, he's coming.

He spills over Jaskier's stomach, dropping against him as waves of pleasure crash over him and he's barely aware of Jaskier coming too until he's pulling his head up and kissing him hard.

They rock through it together and Jaskier doesn't let him go for a second, running his hands over him and kissing him eagerly. It takes longer this time before Geralt finds his breath again, and when he does, Jaskier is right there with him, cheeks flushed and bright, and he can't help but lean in to kiss him again.

He doesn't know how long it is that they lay there, wrapped up in each other just kissing and touching, but eventually, it's Jaskier who pulls away.

"As much as I'd love to stay here for the rest of the day," he hums, lips still barely an inch from Geralt's, "I think we should have a bath and get some lunch."

Geralt would also like to stay in bed for the rest of the day, but his stomach grumbles at him and he finds himself agreeing. Jaskier runs a hand down his chest, wrapping loosely around his cock and brushing his fingers along it. Geralt's eyes flutter shut and Jaskier hums softly.

"If you're amenable," he breathes, "I'd like to rent a room at the kingfisher, one of the nice ones, and stay for a while." He slips his hand back up Geralt's chest and around the side of his neck. "I think we both deserve a break and I'd like some time to… get to know you better." His lips curl up in a cheeky smile and Geralt scoffs at him but doesn't resist when Jaskier draws him back in for a gentle kiss.

A shiver runs up his spine and Geralt thinks, maybe, that despite its flaws, his body isn't so bad after all.

[goonification]

yungi smut

[18+] Mingi gets hard before stages and has no idea why. Neither does Yunho but he’s happy to help.

The fast-paced voice of a MC echoed through the hallways over a loudspeaker to introduce the lineup for the night’s show. No one was listening too carefully though to the tinny voice, as the livestream usually only acted as a reminder that, in the same building, the Music Bank stage was soon to be lively with performances for the next 90 minutes. It wasn’t uncommon for the muffled sounds of the host to be overshadowed by the busy chatter of stressed out staff and excited idols, donning various elaborate and colourful outfits. 

It was less than an hour until Ateez were supposed to be rounded up and ushered to the wings of the stage, prepared to give the nth performance of their most recent comeback.

While most idols we’re counting down the minutes to their upcoming stages, Mingi was rushing back to his group’s green room, hoping to god it was empty.

He scuttled through the crowds, politely bowing at passing staff and tucking behind ongoing interviews to not draw attention to himself. A lanky, 6ft man with a hand on his crotch lumbering through the background of someone’s acrostic poem segment would be bound to draw the wrong kind of online attention.

Hand grasping the doorknob of their assigned green room with relief, the sounds of the hallways were snuffed with the thick door shutting behind him. 

He gave the space a quick once-over, falling at ease when he found it seemingly empty. With the room barren of members or staff, Mingi pressed his back to the door as a makeshift lock and shamelessly dropped his pants below his waist.

This wasn’t an uncommon scenario.

There are plenty of different ways that the human body can react to a stressful situation. Some people overthink to the point of a headache. Others have physical reactions, like shaking or sweating. Some people even feel faint or collapse.

However, Song Mingi got boners. Plain and simple. He doesn’t know why it happens. Often, he doesn’t even know when it’ll happen. 

The regularity of stage fright had faded away to a fear of the past. With the exception of the occasional special stage, Mingi typically didn’t get stressed out over every individual performance but, for some godforsaken reason, his body seemed to know what a pre-show countdown sounded like and reacted regardless. 

Nervous or not, popping a semi backstage was a shamefully familiar feeling for Mingi. He was well aware that there had been a couple of fancams where his half-hard cock made far more of an appearance than he wanted and, determined to not repeat history if he could help it, intended to try de-escalating his problem before stepping foot on stage this time.

Mingi looked down at his dick, standing fully upright.

It was mocking him.

Frustrated at his situation, Mingi furrowed his brow, scowling at his penis before feeling grateful that no one saw him do that. Nothing like a healthy dose of random horniness to cloud every crevice of his brain with a layer of fog, stopping him from thinking rationally. 

He collected his composure with a deep breath, using his knees to pinning his pants at his mid-thigh in case someone entered unexpectedly, and got to work.

A large hand wrapped around the proportionately large shaft and began to pump, so quickly in fact that his whole body lurched forward at the sudden relief. It wasn’t long before his knees instinctively spread and baggy pants fell to his ankles. There was no use picking them back up. Not a minute could be wasted. The door behind him could open at any second. With his very noticeable presence missing, someone was bound to be looking for him to reunite him with his members.

Mingi didn’t know how much time he had. A few drops of spit and a dab of precum was all he could gather as lube, forcing him to slow down his pace to avoid discomfort. Mingi whined. He knew this wouldn’t take long at all if he was back in the dorms with his usual creamy lotion or the constant flow of a soapy shower to keep his length slick.

He could practically hear the threat of a ticking clock in his head. The bustling sounds of people on the other side of the door weren’t helping. The MC’s voice echoed again, saying something about a commercial break, probably the first of several. He was desperate to fix his problem fast and would need to try something different.

A shaky second hand joined the first, holding it steady as his hips took on the task instead. The closed tunnel of his fist stopped the air from drying away his precious moisture, allowing for a more comfortable friction than before.

“Ah-” Mingi couldn’t stop the escape of a single low moan as he fucked his hand, balls slapping against his curled fingers and stretched wrist with each thrust.

It felt good, definitely better. But he was still too distracted. While his new technique was undoubtedly more successful than the first, his brain was still going a mile a minute with the looming reminder of the risk he was taking. His hands were shaking, needing to readjust their grip every few seconds. 

Mingi didn’t want to cry; he had just had his makeup done. Yet, still, every shaky slip of his hands was contributing to a growing frustration. 

It was becoming more difficult to keep quiet. Mingi was being assaulted with the buildup of both dull pleasure and throbbing pain and needed some way to express it. Small grunts were turning into breathy moans, low and long, to try to keep the sounds contained in the room.

Suddenly, even through welling tears, his eyes caught sight of a slight movement caught in one of the dressing room mirrors. What Mingi assumed were just piles of jackets on a couch began to shift, before he noticed the pant legs of a stage outfit, matching the one Mingi was currently “wearing”, donned on a long set of legs. A pair of large boots stuck upright off the end of the couch.

“You’re terrible at staying quiet.” Yunho’s familiar voice spoke out from under the pile before he threw a heavy jacket off of his head, exposing his tired face in the reflection of the mirror. He was basically eye-level with Mingi’s cock.

“Ah, what the fuck!” Mingi shouted, trying and failing to pull up his pants. In that moment, he silently cursed the stylists for always putting him in the baggiest outfits. He repeated his expletive of choice. “What the fuck were you doing under there?”

Yunho squinted tightly, shaking his head as his eyesight adjusted to the harsh fluorescent light of the room. “I had a headache and couldn’t find the light switch.”

“Oh.” Mingi stood dumbfounded and beet-red. Yunho was as giant as he was and it wasn’t like he was exactly hidden. He mentally scolded himself for not checking the room better before fully exposing himself, accidentally baring his entire cock and balls to his friend.

“I knew you were horny earlier!” Yunho exclaimed, like it was his own personal victory for guessing correctly. “You were all bouncy and quiet during stage rehearsal. Kinda like before you take your extra long showers. Always before the stages too, huh? Why is that?”

Mingi shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. He especially didn’t know that Yunho was so attentive to his behaviour. It made him think back to every time he busted what he thought was a secret nut but maybe he wasn’t so private after all.

It was a lot of information to take in with his pants around his ankles. He had so many questions. Mingi started with an easy one. “Why didn’t you say anything when I came in here? I would’ve stopped.”

“Honestly, I thought you were here to get me.” Yunho was fixing his hair at the mirror, composing himself while stealing occasional glances of Mingi’s cock in the reflection. “At least, until I heard you all -” He mocked the deep timbre of Mingi’s voice and moaned comically. Painfully to Mingi, even the unflattering imitation made his exposed dick twitch. He hoped to god Yunho was too busy laughing at him to tell.

Noticing the shift in posture, Yunho offered some comfort, not wanting his friend to feel too embarrassed. “I didn’t mind. Really.”

“But why did you scare me like that?” Mingi’s embarrassment shifted to anger. Yunho’s logic wasn’t making any sense and Mingi still didn’t have a plan for how he was going to get his dick down.

Yunho avoided the question. “How long until we go on?”

“Huh?” Without context, the request went right over Mingi’s head.

“Fine, I’ll look for myself.” Yunho raised an eyebrow before checking a nearby phone. “Forty seven minutes until our stage? That’s tons of time.” 

The tension on Mingi’s face unwravled with a small ounce of relief. The events of what felt like hours of pure frustration likely took place over a mere thirty seconds. He just needed to be reminded.

Still, the reality was that Mingi was rock hard and not as alone as he thought. As one problem disappeared, another became even more prominent. Yunho made his way towards Mingi and the door, hopefully to leave the room, and pretend he saw nothing. 

Even in that best case scenario, Mingi wasn’t sure if he could ever recover from the mortification of what just happened.

Wanting to drop the hint and give Yunho better access to the door, Mingi shifted to the side, movement restricted from the pants still pooled around his legs and too ashamed to pick them up.

However, Yunho didn’t turn towards the door. He instead turned his attention towards Mingi, who had backed himself into a corner. They were uncomfortably close considering the fact that Mingi’s lower half was fully nude.

Yunho smiled stupidly as though the confusion on Mingi’s face was unwarranted. “What? You were struggling to get off, right?”

“Yes...” Mingi admitted, still confused over what exactly his friend was doing. “It was that obvious?”

“Believe me, I know what it sounds like when you’re getting off. What I just heard sounded like a struggle to me.” Yunho never broke eye contact with Mingi. There was a glint of joy in his eyes as he explained his thought process, while never actually revealing his intentions.

Everything he said only raised even more questions. So many that Mingi didn’t have the brain capacity to sort through. Right now, he was more curious why Yunho had him cornered in their dressing room. 

“Mingi,” Yunho uttered his name as though he was scolding him with endearment. Telling him off for being so apparently stupid even thought Mingi thought his confusion was very much justified. “Do you want me to help you?”

Yunho wanted to jerk him off? Mingi thought he had heard wrong.

On first thought, it would fix both problems at once and still leave time to spare, even if the idea of his friend touching his dick would leave Mingi with a whole new slew of questions to plague him until they got back to their dorms. That is, if Yunho would even want to talk about it.

Mingi was getting ahead of himself. He needed to answer the question first.

He kept thinking, pushing through his stress and arousal to conduct a clear thought. Yunho was handsome. He was always clean and smelled good, and liked holding hands with Mingi. Though his qualifications were sparse, Mingi was almost surprised at just how unopposed he was to the idea of Yunho helping him cum. After all, that’s all it would be, right? A friend helping out a friend.

“C’mon, you’ll feel so much better afterwards. I don’t like seeing you in pain.” Yunho pouted as he got closer to Mingi’s face. He was being sweet. Buttering the other boy up without knowing that it wouldn’t even take any convincing to get him to agree.

If only Mingi could answer the damn question. All he could muster up was the confidence for a moment of warm eye contact and a gentle nod.

It was signal enough for Yunho, who leaned in for a hesitant kiss. Mingi’s puffy lips were already parted and set to lock with his own. As they brushed against each other, Yunho’s tongue peaked out, sliding over Mingi’s bottom lip and making him shudder before dipping inside his gaped mouth. 

The gap between them closed even further when the fabric of Yunho’s pant leg accidentally brushed over Mingi’s hard cock, which was poking out and occupying most of the space between them. Mingi moaned into Yunho’s mouth, a gentle reminder that they had a goal to achieve.

“Mmm. No more,” Yunho sighed with regret. He pulled back as Mingi stupidly chased his lips in a daze. “We need to be quick, remember?” 

“But you don’t need to see your hands to jerk me off.” Mingi pouted comically, trying to convince him to return to their greedy kiss. He didn’t expect to enjoy kissing Yunho that much and was wondering if it could turn into a hobby of theirs.

Yunho simply chuckled, obviously knowing more than Mingi about his plans for his mouth. After a breathy “huh?” Yunho took the cue to drop to the floor.

Mingi froze. He was expecting a steady hand to help jerk him to completion at the most but this was so much more. The sight of Yunho on his knees, locked upright so he could keep his face raised inches from Mingi’s cock was making his head throb in more ways than one.

He watched as Yunho’s eyes darted around, carefully examining every inch of him as fast as possible. If he knew Yunho was going to be that close and personal with his junk, Mingi would have shaved that morning. 

“I knew you were big but, damn.” Yunho’s vision stayed locked on to Mingi’s shaft. His eyes were wide and his lips were parted. He looked just as needy as he felt.

“I mean, you don’t have to go d-” Mingi couldn’t even provide an alternative, let alone finish his sentence before Yunho’s tongue was curling itself around his head, soaking his cock with a sudden warmth. Mingi’s hand flew to the wall, then his thigh and, finally, Yunho's hair, needing to grab a fistful of something to keep him steady.

Yunho tilted his chin, relaxing into Mingi’s touch and exposing the length of his neck towards the ceiling. Still, he stayed connected via his tongue. Mingi gulped loudly at the sight of Yunho’s throat swallowing, which was suddenly looking very empty to him.

The soft stimulation prompted beads of creamy white to escape from Mingi’s cock, directly onto the flat surface of Yunho’s tongue. He moaned at the taste and vibrations surrounded Mingi’s stirring cock head. Embarrassingly and against his will, Mingi pushed forward a bit, cock sliding across Yunho’s tongue and spreading the pre-cum all over the wet muscle.

“Sorry.” Mingi sheepishly apologized as he returned his hips to where they were before but, to his surprise, Yunho bobbed his head. He artificially repeated the motion over and over until the entirety of the cock’s head was trapped inside Yunho’s mouth. His tongue was running indulgent laps as it circled the pulsing tip.

Mingi was a panting mess. He wasn’t sure if he should speak. Should he tell Yunho how it felt? Would that be too much?

It was then that Yunho’s gaze flickered up to make eye contact with Mingi. His eyes were glossy as though he was stuck in that moment. Mingi’s stomach did a flip at the sight. He was waiting for Mingi’s approval.

“It feels good, you know?” Mingi whispered as the fist in Yunho’s hair released to scratch at his scalp. Mingi didn’t exactly sound confident but Yunho could tell the words were genuine considering how the other boy was falling apart above him. The upper half of Yunho’s face lit up with a would-be smile at the praise.

Meanwhile, his mouth stayed open wide, lips surrounding Mingi’s cock with a gentle suction, before pushing forward slowly. Yunho didn’t look away, not even once, as Mingi watched his cock disappear inch by inch inside his friend's mouth.

“Jesus, Yunho...” He hissed as more of his shaft was coated with the slippery friction from Yunho’s spit.

Yunho was only two inches from fully swallowing Mingi’s cock before he came to a halt. As he paused, he shifted with discomfort on his knees. The breathing from his nose became more erratic, puffs of warm air bouncing off of Mingi’s pelvis. It was clear he had reached his limit. Even while he couldn’t get Mingi’s dick all the way down, his determination was admirable. Cute, even. It was especially impressive considering Mingi presumed it was Yunho’s first time doing this. 

Mingi dropped his hand to fall behind Yunho’s ear, rubbing his neck with a long thumb. Not experienced with dominant dirty talk, he merely offered a simple smile to let him know it was okay to retreat.

When Yunho began to pull back, Mingi caught sight of a bulge in his throat deflating as his dick reappeared. The thought of being that deep inside any of Yunho’s holes made him shudder with excitement.

Less than a second of the cold dressing room air had cruelly returned before Mingi’s dick was throbbing with need again. The shaft was a reddened, slobbery mess as Yunho cupped him against his hands before returning his mouth to the leaking tip.

Now, when Yunho bobbed down on the cock, his movements were more confident, knowing his limits and puffing up with pride over his abilities. Once he reached the checkpoint, he twisted two slippery hands over the base to make up the difference, fully covering Mingi’s large cock in one way or another.

This time, when Yunho pulled back, he tried sucking in his cheeks. He was so concentrated on making Mingi feel good, eyebrows furrowed in a way Mingi would’ve thought was adorable had the air not been just knocked out of his lungs by the new sensation of suction inside Yunho’s mouth.

Yunho never let the tip leave his lips before taking the entire shaft deep into his mouth again, producing extra spit only to suck it up again when he pulled back. It was clear he was enjoying himself discovering his newfound talent. 

Not as much as Mingi was enjoying himself.

The feeling was unlike anything Mingi had ever experienced. Yunho’s mouth was like being surrounded by an always-moving, sopping-wet warmth. The boy on his knees took the term ‘sucking’ dick very literally. Wet and sloppy sounds echoed through the tiny room as Yunho slurped at his cock. 

Mingi was fully collapsed against the wall at this point, fighting gravity to keep himself standing. His moans were deep, guttural and spurring Yunho to move even faster, knowing that Mingi must be close. 

He was. Mingi was seconds away from cumming and already panicking over where he was going to finish. As pretty as he would be covered in streaks of white, Yunho was already in his stage clothes and makeup, ruling out that option. Alternatively, it wasn’t like Mingi could just leave a puddle of his release on the green room floor. The clock was ticking and Mingi didn’t have any alternatives left.

Yunho, more intuitive than Mingi was aware of, must’ve sensed his panic. He looked up at Mingi as though he was trying to tell him something, eventually slowing his neck’s momentum to a standstill and grabbed his attention.

As Mingi’s eyes were full of panic, Yunho eased his fears with a small nod of approval, motions mostly restricted by his throat accommodating the deep curve of Mingi’s cock. Yunho’s eyes were glistening with tears but dark with determination. He was ready to let Mingi take over.

Mingi whimpered, clawing at the wall as he realized what Yunho was telling him. 

“In your mouth? Are you sure?”

A gurgle escaped from the back of Yunho’s throat as he pushed his limits even further, allowing the cock to sit the deepest it had been. Despite his gagging, his actions were entirely permissive, knowing he wouldn’t have to endure the pain for long before Mingi would finish.

Dormant hips sprung into motion, sliding back at first and dragging his cock along the inside of Yunho’s mouth. Strings of thick saliva followed the path, dripping from Yunho’s bruised lips. Carelessly, Mingi’s ass hit the wall with a thud with how roughly he fucked backwards, making Yunho wince in preparation for him to return.

When his hips snapped forward, it wasn’t as bad as Yunho expected. Sure, Mingi was rough in his desperation but the slickness of collected spit gave the cock a smooth re-entrance past Yunho’s lips, into his mouth, and down into his raw throat. Yunho couldn’t help but moan as he felt himself loosen up to accommodate, hoping that the sound got concealed beneath the low sounds of Mingi’s own pleasure.

Mingi fucked his willing mouth again and again, inching just a little deeper each time whether he knew it or not.

“Yunho. Feels good.” Mingi grunted out, unable to conceive proper sentences as his vision was flashing white with fast growing pleasure. “So good. Fuck.”

With the added motion of Mingi’s thrusts, those final two inches that he couldn’t quite conquer seemed like a task from forever ago, Yunho’s throat gladly opening itself up to accommodate until Mingi’s cock was buried completely. It wasn’t long until his nose was bumping against a set of abs.

Ready to be emptied, Mingi’s heavy balls smacked against Yunho’s chin with each greedy snap of his hips. It should’ve been humiliating but Yunho found himself arching into the motions. It felt good to have Mingi use him.

Yunho kept his needy gaze up at Mingi, watching the way his mouth fell agape and the muscles in his jaw clenched. His chest was heaving as he got closer and closer to completion. The sight inspired Yunho to work through the increasing soreness to help Mingi succumb to his pleasure.

“Ah!” Mingi yelled loudly and abruptly, followed by several softer stutters. His hips suddenly began to jerk in a rhythmless pattern he couldn’t quite control and then the first hot spurt of cum splashed against the back of Yunho’s throat. The second erupted into the cavern of his mouth as Mingi fell back further, shaking with pleasure.

Yunho hollowed his cheeks, not allowing Mingi to retreat any more and trapping the twitching cock inside his mouth. He sucked deeply and used the rest of his energy to relax the entire length of his throat and milk Mingi’s shaft until he was empty.

Mingi’s head fell back in awe as Yunho’s tongue lapped every last drop of cum that emerged from the hole on his tip. He was going above and beyond at this point, the aftershocks of Mingi’s orgasm already starting to subside.

“You can stop if you want.” Mingi’s voice was shaky, hoping Yunho wouldn’t take him up on the offer. The gentle warmth felt nice against his softening cock, easing him back to reality gradually instead of all at once.

“Mm, I probably should, shouldn’t I?” Yunho croaked out against his dick, giving the tip one final kiss before letting it fall limp against Mingi’s thigh.

They paused for a brief moment to catch their breath. Mingi dropped a hand to Yunho’s shoulder, giving it a soft massage as a thanks. “Are you okay?” 

Yunho tried to answer but, at first, the words got caught on their way out. Clearing his throat, Yunho choked out a laugh at the discovery of how raw his throat was. “It’s a good thing I didn’t plan to sing live tonight.”

Mingi giggled at the half-joke before yanking up his oversized pants, needing both hands to hold the flowy fabric up so they wouldn’t fall again. Kindly, Yunho helped him tuck the now satisfied cock away before zipping up his fly.

“You know you might have less of a problem if you just wore underwear?” Yunho poked roughly at the downsized but still prominent bulge in Mingi’s pants.

“But it’s uncomfy.” Mingi whined, clearly more willing to go the lengths of jerking off before a performance rather than just wear another layer. Tired and needing to conserve his energy, Yunho rolled his eyes and found another spare phone to check the time. He clicked on the homescreen with little care for the fact that one of their fellow member’s phones was currently being contaminated with Mingi’s dick particles.

“Was that really only ten minutes?” Yunho’s eyes widened at the screen and Mingi went red in the cheeks. “Guess I’m pretty good at that, huh?”

“Yeah. You could say that…” Mingi nodded, getting shy again as the realization set in that his best friend’s lips were just around his cock and they were already back to business as usual. That is, if they didn’t count how disheveled they both looked from the aftermath. Mingi ruffled his hair back to look as close as possible to how the stylists left it.

Not having too much time to dwell on what their new experience meant for their friendship, a loud knock on the door made both boys jump out of their skin. The knock was only a warning as the hinges creaked and the door swung wide, trapping Mingi behind it.

Panicked and then relieved, Mingi stumbled against a plastic knob on the wall, the room falling into darkness just in time for someone to enter the doorway.

“Yunho, are you in here?” Hongjoong’s voice carried through the small room until he saw Yunho by the mirror, hopefully only looking like he woke up from the best nap of his life and nothing else. Definitely nothing else…

“Hey, what are you doing in the dark?”  Luckily, he couldn’t see Mingi. His voice continued. “And why are you on my phone?”

Mingi cringed when Hongjoong snatched the phone back and placed it on the counter. He thankfully had no idea where Yunho’s hands had just been and he would probably never find out.

“Just checking the time.” Yunho replied nonchalantly, rubbing at his jaw.

“Yes, we’re on soon!” Hongjoong sounded excited. Enthusiastic about even the task of coraling up his fellow members for their performance. He seemed too distracted to notice Yunho dabbing away at his lips to clean himself off.

He patted Yunho on the back for encouragement before turning to leave out the open door. “Can you find Mingi on your way back too? We don’t know where he is.”

“Sure thing, Hyung!” Yunho did a goofy salute, playing the clueless role with ease as he bid Hongjoong farewell out of the room. The door slammed shut, leaving both Yunho and Mingi in the pitch dark.

“Hey Yunho,” Mingi whispered loudly, as though the darkness would make it harder to hear.

“Hm?” Yunho’s boots squeaked as he turned to face the voice.

“I think I found the light switch.”

.

.

.

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

[adhdeancas]

12x01 Rewrite with Trans Dean

trigger warnings for minor mention of dysphoria. Also minor/negligent transphobia. 

“Mom?” His heart is stopped in his chest, staring at the face he’s kept in his head for all of his life, the face he’s thought of as the only real home he’s ever had. She looks the same, exactly the same. “I… uh, are you really… real?” 

He reaches out without thinking, needing to just make sure that Amara didn’t bring back a fantasy or a ghost or a sick joke. She proves it without him touching her, flipping him in a neat trick he recognizes from his own training and ending up with her foot on his neck, pressing him into the dirt. “Where am I? Who the hell are you?”

She looks so scared. Dean swallows, his Adam’s apple bouncing against the bottom of her foot. He needs to make her trust him, preferably before she does something rash like snap his neck. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m your son. I’m… Sam’s brother”

The pressure lets up on Dean’s neck even though Mary’s shaking her head. “No. No, I don’t have two boys. They’re- they’re just kids.”

Dean winces, breathing heavily. This is gonna be a motherfucker for her to understand. Still, Mary lets him up, and he stands and rubs his neck, trying desperately to recall every bit of information he’s stored away about his mom. “Mom. Listen to me. Your name- your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, okay? You were born December 5, 1954, to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for, uh, work, and you bounced right along with him, and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.”

Mary flinches, the facts hitting straight-on. “How do you know all that?” 

“Dad told me.” Dean tells her. He doesn’t tell her that he had to gather the story from slurred words, drunken tears in between stories about the perfect wife. That he recited them in his head like a prayer so he wouldn’t forget her. “March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater - Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh,” God, what was the name of that stupid place? “Mulroney’s, and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song,” A memory of a smiling young alive Mary comes to mind, and he pushes it away because it hurts. She’s right there. “So when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that -” You fell in love with- “that you met -”

“John Winchester.”

“August 19, 1975, you were married… in Reno. Your idea.”Dean had always thought that was hilarious. He looks her in the eyes again, pleading with her to not dispute the next part. “A few years later, I came along, then Sammy.”

“No, no. My oldest was a girl, Deanna.” Mary looks Dean up and down, taking in his short hair, wide shoulders, and flat chest. He crosses his arms over that now, uncomfortable, hoping she isn’t looking at his long eyelashes or his delicate cheekbones or his hips. All the places he’s insecure about. 

“Yeah, um… that’s me.” He looks up at her, his jaw clenching, waiting for the ball to drop. “I shortened the name a little, and the- uh- hair.” He tries for the old charming smile as he runs a hand through the spiky hair he hasn’t let grow out in 20 years. It doesn’t quite get there, settling at a more delicate need for approval. Mary doesn’t give it to him. “Do you believe me?”

She bypasses the question, turning her eyes away from him to look at the car behind him. Something changes in her eyes. “I burned.” She says quietly, like she’s remembering the heat. Dean swallows. He remembers the heat too. “How long have I been gone?”

“33 years.” His voice cracks. 

Mary looks back to him, and she moves forward, putting two gentle fingers to his cheek, to the freckles sprayed across soft skin. He’s had them forever, even when he was little. “Dee?” She calls him by his old nickname; Dean’s doubly thankful that he doesn’t use his deadname. 

“Hi, mom.” There are tears in his eyes.

------------------------------------------------------

“How did he die?”

Dean bows his head. He’s really not selling himself too good here, is he? First the trans thing, now- “He gave himself up for me.” He’ll be surprised if Mary wants anything to do with him. Surprisingly, she chuckles and sniffles. 

“That does sound like John.” He looks over, and she’s smiling. His brow furrows. Killing himself to save Dean’s ass does sound like John, but not in a way that makes him want to smile. “And he was a hunter? And he raised-” She stutters now, looking at him again and looking away just as quickly. “You and Sam to be-”

“Yeah, he did.” A cold weight is settling in Dean’s stomach, and he tries and fails to not let it seep into his words.

“And you said we’ve met before, when you traveled through time,”

Dean nods. It had been horrible and amazing to see Mary and have her see him, just as some guy. A guy, at all. “Twice. Your memory got wiped, so…” So you don’t remember me telling you I was your kid, and you not believing me. I do.

“And you’re… my daughter-”

Dean coughs. He hasn’t been called a daughter in a long-ass time. “No, I’m- I mean. I was. I know it’s a lot. And I’ll explain everything. I will. But right now, let’s get out of here. Let’s get you home. Come on, Mom.”

She doesn’t correct him, which means she must believe, at least a little bit, that she is his mom. 

-----------------------------------------------------

“You live here?” She looks around the cavernous space and he smiles, looking around too. It really is awesome. 

“Yeah, when we’re not on the road. It’s an old Men of Letters bunker.”

“Men of Letters?” She scoffs. Dean grins a bit and looks at her. He thinks he likes her. “They’re a myth. An old hunter’s story.”

He tilts his head. He’s just gonna keep blowing her mind today, apparently. “Not so much. New duds look good.” He gestures to her clothes. He’d lent her some extra clothes he’d had in the trunk, and he tries not to fixate on how they weren’t that big on her. He’s not much taller than her, and he knows part of that even is the heeled boots he’s wearing. 

“Well, thanks. It’s better than walking around in that nightgown the rest-” Dean’s nodding, about to say something extremely awkward like ‘Yeah, nightgowns are a bitch,’ when he finally looks at what she’s staring at, spattered on the floor of the bunker. “That’s blood.”

 “Yeah.” Dean’s heart leaps into his throat, but he goes into autopilot before he can think about freaking out. He takes his gun out from his pants and cocks it, clearing the immediate area. A blurred sigil on the wall puts another bolt of fear through his chest. “Sammy? Cas?” He winces at how high his voice goes.

He takes the Map Table’s gun out from its hiding place and hands it to Mary. She was a hunter too, and he’s not about to leave her unarmed to clear the place. “Take this. Stay here.” Dean takes off immediately. It isn’t until he’s moving on to check the kitchen that he hears the voice. Mary’s clear as a bell, saying, 

“Hands, now,”

Dean’s in the room before he can think about it. His heart practically comes undone when he sees that dumb familiar trench coat. He puts his body between Cas and his mom’s gun immediately, hoping she will trust him enough not to shoot through him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s a friend, all right?” He meets Cas’s eyes and sees the utter relief in his eyes, and a surge of warmth fills his chest. “Hey, Cas.”

It’s a lackluster greeting when they both thought they’d never see each other again, and Cas shows it when he steps forward quickly and pulls Dean into a tight hug. “Dean!”

Dean grins and pats his back. “Hey, okay. All right,” He comforts him quietly. 

“Dean, you’re alive?” Cas pulls away and looks him over, like he’s afraid Dean might disappear. Dean nods, understanding; he had done the same thing to Mary, after all.

“Yeah.”

“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?”

“I’ll tell you everything. Where is Sam?”

“He’s not here.” Obviously. Dean could smack him, but his face wants to break into a fond smile instead. He represses both urges.

“Are you a hunter?”

“No, I’m an angel.”

“He’s an angel.” Dean says over Cas. They look at each other and then back at Mary. 

“Come again?”

“An angel, with a capital A,” Dean clarifies. He feels, ridiculously, a little bit like he’s showing off. Showing Cas off. “You know, wings, harp.”

“No, I don’t have a harp.”

Dean laughs. “This is Castiel. Cas, this is… Mary. Winchester.”

------------------------------------------------------

“It’s been kinda weird, here. You know, with mom being back?” And learning that her baby girl is now a full grown man? “It’s like we don’t know how to act around each other, so we just kinda make this small talk, and act like it’s normal, but it’s- it’s so not normal.” Dean can hear the pleading in his voice. 

“What has she said to you?” Cas asks quickly. Dean bites his lip to hide the smile he’s trying to get from hearing Cas get all angry and protective on his behalf. He’s reminded of the time Cas looked him directly in the face and said, ‘Dean Winchester, if anyone is ever transphobic to you, I will smite them immediately and without any remorse.’ And before Dean could make a quip about internalized transphobia, Cas added, ‘Do not make me do that to you.’

“Well, nothing. That’s- that’s the whole point.” It’s the kind of thing most people usually wanna go over, what the fuck gender their kid is? He’s pretty sure no news does not mean good news in this context.

“Okay, what have you said to her?”

“Well, nothing. I’m- I don’t know what to say to her, y’know? It’s like it’s all too much, and I don’t wanna overwhelm her.” 

“Dean, your identity is not ‘too much.’” Cas says immediately. Dean sighs. That wasn’t what he meant, even though he has said something similar before. Something when he was lonely and sad and feeling like explaining his dick to a one night stand was too complicated for him to do to even assuage it that way.

“No- I know. It’s not that. It’s… everything.”

Now it’s Cas’s turn to sigh. “Don’t make things unnecessarily complicated, as you humans tend to do. I’ll call you.” He hangs up. 

Dean lets the phone fall with his arm limp to his side. “Yeah. Great. That’s helpful.” He says to the empty air. “That’s helpful.” Asshole.

-------------------------------------------------------

They’re in the car, and Dean is driving, and there is too much going on. He’s not sure whether he’s happy that Cas is in the backseat for this conversation or not. “So you’re… my Deanna.”

Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. He looks at them and ignores the voice in his head that says they are petite. Womanly. “Uh, yeah. I was born Deanna Jane Winchester.” He clears his throat and meets Cas’s eyes in the rearview. He gives him a little nod, and Dean continues. “I’m… It’s called trans.”

Dean risks a look over at Mary, and she’s playing with her ring. “So you… wanted to be a boy.” 

Dean clears his throat again. He’s pretty sure he does it every time before he talks, and he’s also pretty sure his voice gets lower every time he talks, too. He swears it’s an automatic reflex. 

“Dean’s soul is- that of a human man.” Cas interrupts, saying it like that clarifies things. The corner of Dean’s mouth tilts up a little bit. Cas did tell him that he could see his soul, and also told him that it was, and he quotes ‘A color more similar to that of a men than women.’ Which, yeah, that tracks. He guesses Cas leaves off the ‘more similar’ part to make things simpler for Mary.

“And so you…” Mary trails off, a finger pointing toward his chest aborting its mission when she realizes it might be rude. 

Dean raises an eyebrow with amusement. “Cut my tits off? Yeah.” He takes a hand off the wheel to raise his shirt, proudly showing off his top surgery scars. Mary trails a hand along them, feeling the raised skin. “After Sammy went to college. It was a bitch of a few weeks, but it was worth it.”

Mary takes her hand away and nods, brows furrowed like she’s trying to wrap her head around it. Dean grins. The grin freezes awkwardly, the edges tilting down, when Mary opens her mouth again. “So you have a-”

Cas coughs loudly in the back seat. Dean meets his wide eyes with a similar expression, and Mary cuts off the question, catching onto the fact she said something wrong. “Don’t think we really need to go there, do we, mom?”

That was a question for him and whatever lucky son of a bitch (gender neutral) ended up in his bed at the end of the night. “Right.” Mary says quickly. She turns her whole body then, asking, “Is that why you like men?”

Dean only swerves a little, he swears. The car coming the opposite direction doesn’t seem to agree, holding its horn long and hard. Luckily, it gives him a moment to stutter less obviously. 

“Sorry, I just meant- since you two are-” Mary gestures between Cas and Dean, and Dean blinks his eyes solidly, trying to convince himself this is really happening.

“No! I mean, we-” Dean doesn’t have the balls (hehe) to look at Cas in the back seat, but he can see the trench coat shifting out of his peripheral. “I’m not-”

“Was John okay with this?”

Dean laughs. It comes out bitter and dark. “Dad didn’t much give a fuck what I did with my body. He’d given up on grandkids about the time he saw how decent I was at hunting, so my long hair wasn’t a personal loss.” He knew I wasn’t gonna live long enough to give him grandkids, not without some self-sacrifice on John’s part.

Mary looks a little shocked at his outburst, and Dean almost feels bad for being so blunt and crass. But then he remembers growing up with John as his male role model, and he tightens his jaw. No, the bluntness and crassness was accurate. “Oh.”

“... Yeah.” Dean bites his lip and risks another glance at his mom. 

“So, you’re okay with this?” He waves a hand at himself. Asking if she was okay with him was just too pathetic, even for him. She looks at him uncertainly, a frown he recognizes as his own on her face.

“I don’t think I’m okay with any of this, Dean. But… I guess I’ll adjust.”

[fandomscombine]

Heartbreak Woman [Cho/Cedric Ending]

Warning: Angst! Brokenhearted!Reader

WC:1454

I proposed 3 varying endings and the response was across the board so I decided why the heck not write ALL 3 choices!

a/n: I haven't been active on tumblr this past month. Motivation to read & write wasn't really there. Feelin pretty crap. I don't think it's my best work- I actually wrote this ending last month but delay posting it since I promised to post all 3 endings back to back- but with the recent burnout, my progress is slow. Proofread it and push the insecurities & anxieties away and here we are. Love was put into this, I hope you enjoy it! Don't worry, the other 2 endings are on the way.

I tried posting this 9 times now and it keeps saying error. this is me testing it with mobile so formatting is hard but I hope it posts

BG: You were hoping that your best friend, Cedric to ask you to the Yule Ball. Instead you were roped into helping him ask Cho out. It broke your heart, but at least this way while helping him out you could pretend that he was doing all the sweet things to you. On the other side of the picture, Harry was too heartbroken upon learning that Cho is going out with Cedric.

Read the main story before it diverges ending here!

>>>Heartbreak Woman [Main]

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

 

Did Harry Potter really just ask you out and you said yes?

Touching your forehead, it wasn’t bleeding anymore but there is still a slight sting to it from the collision with Harry’s broom. Yes. That definitely happened. You thought to yourself, this isn’t some delusion from the injury.

 This is good. This is good. Hyping yourself up. You enjoy his company and that should be enough to stop your thoughts from going about a certain Hufflepuff boy. The same boy you had abruptly left alone in the greens. It’s not his fault nor it is Cho’s for wanting to date each other. You have nothing against them, they are both such lovely and kind people and not to mention popular- it was only a matter of time that they got together, Hogwarts’ Power Couple.

No, it’s just you and your stupid feelings falling for your best friend and agreeing to help with the courtship.

‘Y/n? Hii.” The voice reels you back to reality.

You blinked. “Cho! Hi!” Greeting her loudly had been taken by surprise. You dial down your volume. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s actually what you did, really… I just wanted to say thank you.”

You were confused, why was she thanking you?

“For helping Cedric I mean” She clarified. “He mentioned that you helped him with the picnic idea. It was very sweet. It was what made me finally say yes.”

“That’s awesome.” You force yourself to smile. “I’m glad you guys are together, I can finally get that git to stop bothering me with date ideas. That’s 3 weeks of my life I’m not getting back!” There was some truth to that statement, now that she and Cedric are together you don’t have to go through the pain of practice dates with Cedric.

“You y/n are the absolute wingwoman! Legend material!” Cho praised. “You're like my fairy godmother!” She continues, wrapping you into an embrace.

“yayyyy….That’s me…” You mumble into her luscious hair. Grateful that Cho couldn’t see your face.  Pulling apart, you don’t let her go quite yet. With hands on her shoulder, you stare unwavering. “Just don’t break his heart yea? He’s really smitten by you, promise you won’t hurt him.”

Cho is taken aback a bit, your words clearly coming from a strong emotional bond with the boy.  Thoughts of love, Eros, passed through her mind but brushed it away - It can’t be y/n help them get together. Y/n’s words must come from Philia love, y/n and Cedric had been best friends since before they could talk! Everyone knows that. They have a soul connection that can’t be replicated.  “I promise.”

~

14th February.

Valentine’s Day.

This holiday sucks.

No, not for the reason that you’re single. Nah.

Today is a downer as you won’t be able to do your annual tradition.

See every since 3rd year you and Cedric would be in a pink ensemble outfit complete with red heart sunglasses. Spreading chants of self love and showering fellow single students and professors with compliments. This all started out when your roommates teased you for not having a date for Valentine’s day.  When Cedric had heard about it, he went all out. The boy basically made sure that every single person knew how wonderful, beautiful and intelligent you are.

It was this day onwards that 2 things happened.

Complementing and advocating for self love, Philautia, in a pink get up became an annual Valentine’s tradition. (Even a couple of students joined the cause, expanding from you just both into an association/group of sorts.)

 You started to see Cedric in a new light. In other words, you were falling in love with your best friend.

Scanning the Great Hall for pink cladded pupils, you were glad that the group had saved you a seat however a certain Hufflepuff was out of sight. Taking a deep breath, you cleared your head. Get it together y/n. Today is about sharing love and do NOT think about Cedric and Cho going on a romantic date in Hogsmeade.

You were about to take a step forward when-

“Argh!” Shutting your eyes as the hall spun around.

“Relaxx!! Relax! It’s just me.”

Feet back on solid ground, you turned towards the perpetrator, the one boy you did not want to see right now. “What the fuck Ced! Don’t scare me like that!”

“I’m sorry…” Cedric raises his arms in surrender. “Is everything alright?”

“Yea everything’s fine.”

Cedric raises a brow. You forget that this boy can see through your bullshit.

“Only had a couple hours of sleep, that’s all.” It wasn’t a lie, in fact you’d only gotten 3 hours of rest last night, it was just the case of omitting that his upcoming date with Cho was the reason for your restlessness. You don’t want to blame it on jealousy, but it is.

Grabbing hold of your hand, he pulls you towards the group. "Alright then, I've got some spare sleeping potion if you need."

You wave to your fellow singles as you sit down."uh..thanks Ced." You couldn't stop vocalizing your confusion as to why Cedric is still right next to you. Normally you wouldn't complain, but today was Valentine's Day.

"Ouch y/n!" Cedric sassed, eyes focused on piling food onto his plate." Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn't mean I would disappear on my best girl."

My best girl. It hurts to be called that in another context than you wanted.

"Don't you have a date with Cho today?"

"Yea but Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop  doesn't open until 11am. Which gives me time for our annual Valentine's tradition!"

"But you're taken."

"Yes….but I could still help spreading the love!" Cedric glanced around. "No one minds that I come to join you right?"

A murmur of Nos filled your eyes.

"Haha! See I told you!" Cedric brags, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Looks at you straight in the eyes, those gorgeous grey irises melting away your defenses."You can't get rid of me that easily." He whispers, loud enough only for you to hear. You could feel the heat filling up your face due to his closeness. Too busy lost in the rapid beats of your heart, you failed to notice his face getting even closer.

A softness like cotton grazes your cheek.

Cedric kissed you!

Your mind is close to being short circuited. The area of where Cedric's lips were a nanosecond ago is cold as ice. The cold contrasted with your now burning hot, blushing face.

You could live in this forever. All external environments quiet, blocked out of focus. Cedric's arms around you while the butterflies in your stomach bursts out, occupying your whole body with sheer giddiness from having his lips on you.

But the daydream breaks.

"Hey Love! You ready?"

"Morning!" He greets, kissing her. "Uh…" It's only 9:34am. You nod, silently telling him that it was okay to miss your annual tradition. You weren't expecting any quality time today, yet he managed even if it was just for breakfast. "Yea.. give me 10 minutes to go change and I'll pick you up at the courtyard?"

"Sounds great. Be quick cause I miss you already!"

"Sure will sweetheart." He pecks her lips again then waves goodbye to the table and he's off, running.

The tension changes once Cedric is gone.

"Can I talk to you outside y/n?"

"uh yeah" Once outside. "What's up?" Trying to sound casual. Cho inviting you to speak privately isn't usual-seeing that you were the couple's go to accomplice for surprises.

"I see the way you look at him."

"I'm sorry?"

"I know.you like him. y/n. I know you like Cedric."

"Cho.. you can't be serious, he's my best friend!"

"I wasn't sure then.but just now..the way you act around him. the way you look at him. y/n is undeniable. It’s  so obvious-I had assumptions then but everyone just brushes it off as your childhood friend with each other. heck even both of you say that."

"Cho…."

"I didn't bring this up before because I felt insecure, jealous even that I can't live up to the standard of relationship you and Cedric have.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. There were too many revelations bombarding you all at once, that you are having trouble processing what is going on.

“But I am tired of what ifs and worrying.” Voice quivering, she continues. “You've got to tell him, y/n."

The words snap you back into place.

"Cho… I can't. I can't ruin your relationship."

If you love someone and they love someone else, you let them go.

~

Everything Taglist :@gruffle1

HP Taglist:@onlyfreds

Heartbreak woman Tagist:

@joalinbenefits @the-natureofme @romanoffs-heart @justmesadgirl @plumso @gleefulleve @wolf-phoenix-lover @ceofcedric @savvy7392 @cedricsfluffyhair @thewayilookatbacon @LIONLIKEWOLFLIKE @mellifluous-cosmos