#but if anyone needs something specific tagged please let me know
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r1poutmygvtz · 2 days ago
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°•*⁀➷ Introduction °•*⁀➷
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TRIGGERING BLOG: BLOCK DONT REPORT
cws for my blog: ed, weed, alcohol, and nicotine use, occasional sh and suicidal thoughts/talks about attempts, occasional mentions of abuse/trauma, religious trauma, pet/family death, medicine misuse, and overdoses
please tag any posts about christianity/god with "tw christianity" and any sh posts with either "tw sh" or "tw sh implied"
links proof-checked by my awesome moot @/atlasisneverenoughx
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°•*⁀➷ About Me °•*⁀➷
Name: Vivian
Age: 16 (17 next month) im ok with adults interacting just don't be weird yk? id prefer followers/moots aged 15-22 but i'm ok with people older or younger following, i just may not interact as much (unless were already moots)
Gender/Pronouns/Sexuality: im gender apathetic/non-binary, i could care less about my gender or how i'm perceived. i use all pronouns but when asked i just say they/them or they/xem if we're close. (moots are allowed to use xey/xem for me freely btw and i encourage it!! :3) i'm aroace and pan (more specifically i rarely get crushes on people but still find some people attractive regardless of gender and i'm a sex repulsed asexual)
Diagnoses: depression, anxiety, and derealization (depersonalization is not diagnosed however im aware i deal with it and need to bring it up next session) my therapist is trying to diagnose me with ptsd and my mom wants me to get diagnosed with anorexia
Be Aware: i don't censor most things but i will tag everything i post according to what's mentioned. Another thing; i block freely and often so i apologize if you end up blocked
DNI: basic dni stuff (racist, homophobic, sexist, etc) generally bad people, NSFW/18+ blogs, anyone under 13 and men over 23 (unless we're already moots)
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Blog stuff, stats/goals, and personal tag guide below cut
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°•*⁀➷•* Blog °•*⁀➷•*
Rules
Be respectful towards everyone on my page, if you have a problem with someone then please take it to the dms
Dont argue with people through my comments or through reblogs under my posts, again, take it to the dms
Please don't cal check my wieiads, i have a food scale and weigh just about everything to be as accurate as possible, cal checking just makes me anxious about nothing
Don't send me asks saying that i need to recover, im aware but saying that means and does nothing for me, it just makes me more motivated because someone's worried about me
If i reblog something that has misinformation or something that's accidentally offensive, pleaseee let me know so i can take it down, i don't always double check like i should
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Send gr0ssp0, d!3t, m3alsp0, and occasional th!nsp0 requests to my askbox, anons are on!!
Fill out this form to get your name on my taglist for picrew/reblog games, do not reblog with tags list, and to get any trigger you want tagged with a tw tagged, staying anonymous is an option here as well!!
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°•*⁀➷•* Links °•*⁀➷•*
Apps
Instagram
Twitter
Pinterest
Tiktok
Breezer
Step up
Masterlinks (in progress)
Wieiads
M3alsp0
Diets
Gr0ssp0
Th!nsp0
Tips/Advice
Music
Picrews
Tag/Reblog Games
Ask Games
Moot Related
Recipes
Others
Anonymous Emojis in Use
TWS Added to Posts
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°•*⁀➷•* Stats °•*⁀➷•*
Height: 166cm
HW/SW: 136.6lbs
HBMI/SBMI: 25
LW: 98.6lbs
LBMI: 16.2
CW: ~113lbs
CBMI: 18.6
UGW: 90lbs
UGBMI: 15
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°•*⁀➷•* Goals °•*⁀➷•*
GW1: 110lbs
GW2: 105lbs
GW3: 100lbs
GW4: 95lbs
UGW: 90lbs
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°•*⁀➷ Tag Guide °•*⁀➷
There's a lot and most are self explanatory but in case you were wondering here's all of them :3
#gvtz- all my posts/reblogs
#gvtz life- talking about what's going on in my life, reblogging things i relate to
#gvtz rants/vents/rambles- my posts where i rant/vent/ramble and talk too much or let my mind wander while typing
#gvtz eats- wieiad
#gvtz cooks- recipes or talking about cooking
#gvtz works out- talks about exercising, progress, and anything fitness related
#gvtz asks- answering asks!!
#gvtz moots- reblogging moots stuff, playing reblog games with moots, moot related posts, or when my moot sends an ask
#gvtz will eat- meal plans/ideas
#gvtz 👙- th1nsp0
#gvtz 🍽️- m3alsp0
#gvtz diets- diet requests or diet related posts
#gvtz 🤢- gr0ssp0
#gvtz music- sharing my music or talking about music
#gvtz wants to eat :((- complaining about cravings probably, or complaining about not having food that i want
#gvtz advice- giving advice to asks!!
#gvtz is unstable- talking about mental problems other than an ed like mood swings, hallucinations, etc
#gvtz is productive??- talking about things/chores i did, planning my day
#gvtz kitty :3- posts about harley!!
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unforth · 10 months ago
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I'm glad your KS problem got solved. Can you please use some time to post about Palestine? People are being killed in your name. Use your platform please. Thank you
Hey anon! So...no, I won't be doing that. What the fuck do you even mean "people are being killed in my name"? Absolutely no one is killing in my name, and I owe talking about it more to no one.
First, I trigger pretty severely to harm to children, which automatically means that a great deal of the coverage of Palestine is very triggering for me.
Second, I think there are plenty of people already blogging about this, that not every single blog needs to become wall-to-wall discussion of Palestine, and that mass-blogging about the conflict is entirely performative.
Third, in general I rarely blog about political events, and when I do it's virtually always US election (FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU HAVE TO VOTE) and/or things about censorship, because those are the areas that interest me and that I personally feel strongly about.
Fourth, I think the demand that a stranger blog about that one specific event, ignoring all the other ongoing tragedies in the world (the war in Ukraine and the genocide in the Congo, to name two that spring immediately to mind) is honestly heckin' weird.
Fifth, I own and run a business, and it's entirely within my rights to decide to keep that business apart from incredibly divisive current events. The business account (which is entirely separate from my personal account - it's not a side blog, it's a separate log in) - when it interacts with political topics at all - primarily blogs about recent happenings in publishing and related fields (so, legislation about free speech, ongoing strikes, etc.) and about recent happenings related to queer things (positive legislation and negative legislation being proposed or passed). I intentionally do not blog about other political topics, because they have nothing to do with the business. The most political the Press has gotten about the conflict in the Middle East is that we've quietly removed a couple books from rec lists that were written by authors or released by publishers who have managed, by publicizing their OWN views, to become especially controversial (especially on Tiktok) and even that I did extremely reluctantly, I just don't want to get Tiktok cancelled because we spent 5 seconds saying we liked a book by someone they currently hate, because Tiktok is Like That.
As to my own personal views on the conflict, which you are in absolutely no way entitled to know but which I have previously shared publicly so don't mind sharing again, I am a Jew and I was raised to believe that when all the rest of the world turned on us, Israel would always be the one place where we'd be safe, and I clung to that belief over 40 years of watching Israel become increasingly right wing and jingoistic, continuing to believe that the surest path to safety and security for everyone involved was a two-state solution.
As I previously wrote here, in the face of Israel's current actions against Palestine, I no longer believe that. If this is how Israel behaves, I no longer think Israel has a right to exist. I do still think that the best outcome right now is a two-state solution, but one that involves the complete abolition of the current Israeli government and army, to be replaced with a system that isn't, ya know, disgustingly fascist - and that if that can't be done, we need a one-state solution, and that one state shouldn't be Israel. This is my personal opinion.
However, I also acknowledge that for many Jews, this is an incredibly loaded, difficult topic, and I would never align my business to an official position like this because I have no desire to alienate people who I know feel as conflicted and complicated about this as I do myself. I take it as a matter of simple real fact that I respect my friends and colleagues enough to accept that they may reach different conclusions than I have about this, and I don't want them to feel unwelcome in a space that I've created because I on an individual level have reached a different conclusions about what I believe to be the best ending for this conflict than they have. We also do not allow political conversations of this stripe in our server for the same reason.
No matter how much people on both sides keep trying to paint this conflict as black and white, right and wrong, with one-and-done magic single-switch solutions, it's not that simple, never has been, and never will be, and the reality on the ground of ways to resolve this are also not that simple. Now, to be clear, I think it IS simple and accurate to say: the killing needs to stop i.m.m.e.d.i.a.t.e.l.y. That's a given and I think I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in the circles I travel in who'd disagree. But what should happen AFTER that? That's where I think reasonable people can still disagree about what should happen next to that land and the people living on it.
Anyway.
I should probably stop talking before, in my effort to be nuanced and balanced, I say something that leads someone to think I should be canceled. I am against the genocide 100% and this conflict has turned me from reluctantly vaguely okay with zionism to anti-zionist, but I also am tired of seeing people act like big problems have easy solutions, and I'm tired of the suggestion that anyone who isn't performatively outraged about this specific situation 24/7 is a bad person with wrong opinions.
Like, I think you need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you thought this was an appropriate ask to send a stranger. I'm genuinely disgusted that you'd try to turn a conflict that has nothing to do with me into something I'm personally responsible for because it's being done "in my name." Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? Antisemitic much? I'm a Jew, but that doesn't and never will mean that the Israeli government speaks for me or in my name. Fuck you.
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kamuikunt · 2 years ago
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he doesnt.
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medicinemane · 8 days ago
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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing
I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know
Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards
...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said
Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes
#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me#like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me#it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear#but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then#but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now#where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away#...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good#acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted#honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible#...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up#...for all the impact my actions have#or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people#on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots#and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners#that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me#I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone#...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say#not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject#again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't#I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately#and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened#I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless#mm tag so i can find things later
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thundertide · 1 year ago
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It's blog update time y'all~! <3
Two new muses have been added! Kyros, a Fatuus under the command of both Kagota and Childe ( @yoroiis ) who has some heavy ties to @waltzofphoenix's Diluc and Kaeya, and Rosalee, a frequently ill Fontanian girl with a particular fascination for magic and the things it could do to change her world.
Rules have been updated to add notes about Rosalee and Kyros to the triggers section, as well as recieved some minor tweaks here and there, like noting that while I'm caught up on the current plot, I like to take the game slowly and there's still much I don't know, having started playing only a year ago. I can't even consider myself a newbie anymore so time that changed-
Saiki's about has gotten a tiny update while it's in line for its major one: Her mother now has the name Adria, and is a woman who has heavy ties to a lot of things waiting in the wings for upcoming plots, much to Saiki's dismay and Adria's pure delight-
Kagota's about is now deemed an ongoing Work In Progress. It's been updated to reflect current plots, upcoming things, and general plotting going on, including her promotion to Operative shortly before the Fontaine chapter's start as well as her gaining a cryo delusion alongside it, her working with Childe under the Tartaglia name, carrying his vision rather than the Traveler, and the addition of a family section in her about to list out the members of her massive family, be they adopted, found family, in-laws, or blood, and her pregnancy during the Fontaine chapter with their firstborns. However, because of her closeness to Childe and how incredibly intertwined they are, something @yoroiis and I are constantly discussing and working with, and my outright refusal to step on the toes of canon if I can avoid doing so, she's also heavily impacted by the current archon quest events and with said quests as their own ongoing thing right now, I'm leaving her about as a WIP and will be tweaking and updating it as updates come in game, which also will leave her as very much still pregnant with her twins for the time being for anything set in the current point of the game's storyline due to an inability to pinpoint when their births occur. Please pardon the dust as things change and work themselves out over time regarding Fontaine, as future blog update posts like this will likely have more information on them regarding this.
Information on Kagota's abilities and fighting style with her cryo delusion will be added in future tweaks as a result of the previous point. I want to take this slow and think it out in full carefully, and use everything the game gives to work this out.
I think that's everything for this update round - I am still working heavily on things behind the scenes and there's a lot still upcoming being plotted and decided on pretty much every day, but I also don't like updating things without making posts like this to make them known, either! Even if it IS mentioning how much is staying as a WIP because agh, I have one mighty FONTAINE WHY waiting in the background for a LOT of the lore we're getting! XD
~Pom
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girlsworldillusion · 6 months ago
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I'd let the world burn for you
Summary: Amid the severe consequences of war, Aemond finds himself alone, without the presence and support of his young and sweet wife, who insists on staying away from him, afraid of who he has become. He has been a respectful and patient husband. But tonight he feels like he has finally reached his limit.
Author's note: Please, pay attention to the tags. This story contains sensitive topics, such as: +18, SEX, SEVERE INTERNAL CONFLICT, DUB-CON/NON-CON, POSSESSIVE/OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR, EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY, TOXIC RELATIONSHIP AND MORE.
word count: 6k
There is no specific description of which house the reader belongs to, so feel free to fill this in as you wish.
English is not my native language, forgive me for any spelling mistakes.
Good reading!
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He can taste vomit in his esophagus.
Aemond knows it wouldn't be too difficult to get out what little he ate. He coughs as discreetly as he can into the back of his hand before taking off his eye patch, wanting to splash some cold water on his face and throat. He pretends not to notice how his hands are a little shaky as he pulls the gloves off of them, cupping his fingers inside the basin left by the servants on the table. The cool water feels refreshing on his hot skin, and with a satisfied hiss, he looks up, staring directly at the reflection of his own face in the mirror.
The flickering flames of the fire near the wall provide no comprehensive illumination, and he is honestly relieved by that. What little he can see is disturbing enough. His single lilac eye is bloodshot, his silver hair is disheveled, so different from normal. Paleness in the face, sunken cheeks. The subtle glow of the blue stone in his other eye and the deep scars around it only add a dying touch to his ghostly visage.
Another deep tug wracks his stomach and he leans forward, gripping the sides of the table with abandon, preparing to actually throw up this time. But nothing comes, nothing but the painful, nauseating feeling in his body.
He can't forget.
It's all his doing, after all. It's all his fault.
The death of all those people, the desolation of the entire Riverlands. It's all his fault.
Any feeling of greatness and power that previously inhabited his body no longer existed. His superiority and confidence swept away by the tide until he was spat out on the shore with nothing but pain and trauma.
He is a hypocrite and he knows it.
Aemond is not a good person. He doesn't want to fool anyone with his anxiety attack, he definitely doesn't need to take on the role of the poor regretful guy. He doesn't regret what he did, he doesn't regret doing what was absolutely necessary for the good of his family. He could never regret this. And he knows that tomorrow, a week from now, or a month from now, he will do exactly the same thing again if necessary. There are no limits to what he is willing to do to and for those to whom he is loyal.
He can't even dare deny liking it all.
When he's on Vhagar's saddle, with the world in flames just beneath them and the addictive power to decide for good or ill for those poor, hopeless souls, he can swear he's never felt anything better. There's something disturbingly liberating about embracing the monster that resides in his chest. It's surprising to him how good it feels to be ruthless, to take on the role of the uncontrollable beast everyone says he is (rightfully so).
It wasn't always like this. But a series of violent and tragic actions that may or may not have been intentional earned Aemond more than just an ominous codename. They gave him respect; fear. Aemond One-Eye, the son without expectations, the child without any prominence. No more.
He feels ruthless when he is in the skies, dictating the fate of humanity. It gives him power. He is powerful now, he is no longer the boy forgotten by everyone. The feeling of being superior pumps hard through his veins until he goes wild, makes him feel like he's crushing people under the soles of his boots. He is more powerful. Their lives depend solely on the way his hand moves and it turns out that, to their misfortune and terror, his hands are wrapped around the saddle of the largest dragon in the world. It is difficult to be sensible and godly when there is so much power at his command. He is more powerful. There is nothing that can stop him. He feels invincible, unstoppable. He doesn't just enjoy it - he worships this feeling.
At least until it's all over.
When the dust settles and all that is left is the consequence of his actions, it is then that he quietly withers away.
He killed them. All of them. His hands are stained with blood and ash and it's all his fault. He has separated families forever, traumatized so many souls with insurmountable depression and pain and it is all his fault. Adults, elderly, children, babies. All dead. Because of him. Hoarse screams of terror and fear, all begging for a mercy that would never come - could never come. Not by his hands. Not when he had a family and a purpose he was so loyal to.
Aemond worships the sense of power that comes with a reputation for being ruthless and regrets nothing he has done and will do for his duty. Unfortunately, this does not mean that he does not suffer the consequences in equal proportion.
Another sigh. He drops his head and presses his fingers against the edge of the table. He closes his eye so tightly that patches of white light explode into his vision, each labored breath makes him lean forward and clench his teeth. The pain is impossible to ignore – it shakes his insides, leaves his limbs trembling.
"Is this hurting you?" a soft voice asks, a small, fragile thing, almost impossible to hear - if it weren't for the fact that he lives to hear the sound of that voice. He knows this, and so does the owner of the voice, both fully aware of this dangerous dependence. “Pretending to be a God, I mean.”
Aemond feels his heart beat faster, the angelic sound of your voice rescuing him from the merciless depths of his own mind, making him slowly raise his head as he stares at the place where the voice came from. He almost can't believe what he heard. But there you are, sitting on your bed, surrounded by comfortable sheets and pillows, your wide doe eyes catching the moonlight and fire flames in the dark of night, shining like stars.
His sweet wife.
He simply looks at you, not offering any kind of response right away. Not because he doesn't want to. But because he's too surprised to hear your voice and see your face to form words at the moment. Aemond doesn't know how he ended up here, in your private chambers - the place he hasn't been welcome in for some time. He was supposed to go to his chambers. Was he that distraught and distracted? Could the confusion clouding his senses have unconsciously led him directly to the person he needs most at the moment?
He looks around quickly just to confirm that, yes, there is no doubt that he is in your chambers. He didn't intend to do that. He shouldn't be here, invading your privacy and ignoring your request that he keep distance. Of course, his longing and need for you made him consider such a thing countless times. Regardless of your wishes, he was your husband; he had a right to be here. But he never did that. You don't want him in your bed anymore and you've made that clear. And Aemond was not ignorant or even insensitive enough to pretend not to understand your reasons. You had a lot of them and he knows.
You were not made for cruelty. Your innocence and purity made you unable to be aware of the horrible things he did and still treat him the same way as before. You were afraid of him now, just like everyone else. The blood of many was on his hands and you knew it, just as you knew he regretted nothing, and that he would not stop this - not until victory was achieved.
You didn't agree with that, you never did, not even before the marriage. But what could a young woman do in the world they lived in? You were just a piece on a board game, an ace up his sleeve used by your father specifically to provide armies and loyalty to the crown in exchange for a marriage and a more than convenient name for your family.
Aemond knew from the beginning that you didn't want to marry him; how could you after all? You barely knew him beyond the questionable reputation that surrounded him, and a dangerous family clash was about to break out in the kingdom - this was definitely not the right environment for romance to blossom. But you did your duty. You had been an exemplary wife in the short two months of peace that followed your marriage. You treated him with respect and patience, slowly opening your heart to him with each passing day. He wasn't the most talkative or the most sensitive husband and yet you showed empathy for his limitations, accepting what he gave you with gentle smiles and rosy cheeks, without demanding anything more. So sweet. So inocent.
It was no surprise the feeling that welled up in his chest.
Aemond was obsessed before he even realized it. Needing your gentle attentions like a flower needs the sun. He clung to you as his only comfort in an almost bleak existence, he became more and more obsessed with you and you didn't notice. You read with him, walked through the gardens with him and talked to him as you always did, kind and polite. And every day he felt hungrier, pushing the limits of restraint. You welcomed him into your bed every night, welcoming him between your legs as if he belonged there - and he did, indeed. Aemond's appetite for you and you alone knew no bounds.
But he wasn't the man you married anymore, was he?
You fear him now, any and all advances he's made with you over the past few months have vanished into thin air like the ashes he's so used to seeing now. The feelings he was carefully cultivating in your chest now seem to have sunk so deep into your being that he thinks they no longer even exist. You no longer craved his attention; the touch of softness and affection, whenever “husband” dripped from your mouth, was absent. And now all he could do was want.
Aemond doesn't look away from you, not wanting to miss this moment for anything, not after being deprived of it for so long. And you look back at him from where you sit on the bed, chin lifted in false courage. You looks at him with your bright eyes and high cheekbones, which seem even more highlighted in the warm lighting around your bodies.
He may have entered your chambers out of pure unconscious instinct, out of nothing but silent desperation. His body guiding him when his mind no longer could. But now that he's here, he doesn't know how he didn't realize it from the beginning. It's impossible to think about anything other than you. You, you, you.
At this point, deaths at his hands no longer existed. Not his pains or the weights he carries, not revenge, not duty. Anything. Absolutely nothing. There is only this moment, between him, a boy who so wanted to be enough for those he loves and the young girl who is illuminated by the light of the flames.
He feels it. It's not new. That strange impulse that draws all the attention of the environment around him to you and you alone; an almost painful need between his teeth to take a bite and not let go, to have it with all your heart and nothing less.
"Nothing to say?" You press and he's not even embarrassed by the fact that he doesn't remember what you said before. He should leave. It's all he thinks, even as he takes an uncertain step closer to your bed. And that's enough for you to immediately tense up, wrapping your small hands in the sheets to subtly pull them towards you. You are hiding yourself. Hiding yourself from him.
Aemond should leave, continue respecting your limits.
If this had been another night, maybe he would have done it. If the smell of smoke and dragon scales hadn't been trapped in the leather of his war clothes, as well as the dust of ash, then perhaps he could have left. If he couldn't smell the insistent scent of charred bodies and decimated land in his nostrils, taking permanent root in his lungs, perhaps he could respect your innocence.
Not even Aemond knew how on edge he already was. Your refusal of his proximity was just the final push to his downfall.
He adores you. He worships the ground you walk on. He respected your decisions and stayed away much longer than any other husband would have done. And this is how you repay him?
Aemond narrows the only functional eye he has left. You don't react, nothing more than another protective grip on the sheets and a slow swallow of saliva. He wants you so much and the thought enrages him. Why? Why does he feel this way? He desperately wants to punish you for making him feel this way. He wants to punish himself for even thinking about doing this to you.
You left him like this; nothing but a mess. When would you finally accept him for who he is? When would you understand that some cruelties were necessary for the final goal to be achieved? When would you see that everything he did and would do was solely for his family? For you. To keep you safe. When would he be enough?
He grits his teeth and feels his entire body tense with thoughts. He hates it; he hates the way you confuse him and make him feel all these terrible emotions. It makes he feels weak. The temptation of the slightest chance of your affection suffocates his common sense. He feels his hands shaking. He'd been so blinded by the hopeful, innocent vision he constantly saw you through that he fooled himself into thinking he was on your mind as much as you were on his all this time.
"Aemond?" You whisper, sounding more uncertain than before, disturbed by his extended silence as he slowly approaches the bed. He keeps looking at you the whole time, letting you glimpse the flames of fire reflected in the icy sapphire in his eye. He adores you, with every fiber of his being. But the flash of fear that shines in your eyes in response makes him stretch the corner of his lip in a malicious smile. He couldn't help it, there's something sweet and pure about you that makes him constantly waver between wanting to protect you and wanting to destroy you.
You try not to weaken before him, but Aemond immediately notices the way your body is a little trembling when his hand, that same hand that drags the musk of leather and death, passes through the fabric of the sheets, spreading lightning over your legs. You don't stop him, but your eyes flash with a frightened warning, a warning he ignores tonight. His palm flattens against your ribs, daring to caress, to feel the linen of the sheets beneath his fingers, the softness of your flesh beneath it, and you squeak an off-key sound, pulling the cocoon of blankets and furs up to hide you.
A small annoyed growl leaves his lips and his other hand quickly covers yours, stopping you from continuing.
"No. Enough of that." He says in a low but firm tone, looking sternly into your eyes. You part your lips, surprised by his behavior, and try to pull the hand still trapped by his, but he doesn't let you go. "That's enough, wife."
He thinks you might try to deny it, but you fall silent, slowly relaxing against his grip on your hand. Aemond wants to purr at this, wants to praise you and spoil you, because you are so good, so good. His good girl. Even when you're crushing his heart between your delicate hands.
It's not your fault, he tells himself. It's not your fault that he's obsessed with you, driven crazy by the idea of you. Aemond can't even focus properly, even when you're in front of him, defenseless and at the mercy of his whims. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest from pure ecstasy and excitement at the same time. And he can feel, on top of it all, the blood flowing to his hard cock, making it swell beneath his black riding pants. He feels embarrassed by his actions, but at the same time excited, just by the little things you do, by everything you are to him.
“Something is wrong with me...” He says, more to himself than to you, gently pushing a strand of your soft hair behind your ear, sliding his thumb in a gentle caress across your delicate earlobe. “You're in my house. You're in my house and I don't want you to leave. Never." He approaches your face, sliding his fingers from your ear to the side of your face, until he holds your small chin between his thumb and forefinger. "I need you." He continues, ignoring how honest and frank he looks - weak. “I keep thinking of ways to make this happen,” the more he talks, the faster you breathe, sweet little sighs near his lips, calling to him like a siren’s song… “I want to ruin you. Because I think that's the only way you won't leave me."
The intensity of his words scares you, he realizes, he sees how your eyes fill with tears and your eyebrows twitch. But even in the dim lighting of the flames, he can see how the tops of your cheeks turn red, how your chest trembles with the breath that catches there...you want him.
It's a shame you're so willing to keep him away.
But he can't stop.
Aemond closes the distance in an instant, pushing you down until he traps your body beneath his, feeling the contours of your soft, supple curves against him; he shudders. He caresses your face one last time before moving down, ignoring your hesitation and your useless efforts to push him away. Quick as a viper, he grabs the hand that moves to push against his chest, wrapping it with the other still attached to his, holding your wrists tightly above your head.
You cry out at the pressure on his wrists, the long lashes over your eyes fluttering, pleading. "A-Aemond, what are you doing?" you stutter. "Please, please... I said I needed it - please give me some more-"
"Time? Oh yes, you said it." He hums thoughtfully, placing a thigh between your legs, dipping his face into the crook of your neck to breathe in the fresh fragrance of your shower, snoring contentedly with your naturally sweet scent. Intoxicated by your scent, he trails his lips along the slender column of your neck before stopping at the shell of your ear. “I’m so sorry, dear, I’ve waited too long. We’ve both waited too long.” He intones, intoxicated by your presence. You sob once but don't say anything else, choosing to turn your face away from him. Aemond snorts a laugh at that, but doesn't stop you, preferring to leave a tender, wet kiss on your cheek.
Squeezing your wrists with one hand, he allows the other to slide slowly down your body, almost reverentially. He paused at the delicate laces holding the front of your nightdress before untying them with deft fingers. The front opens, exposing your silky, flushed skin to his hungry gaze. He doesn't have the patience to remove the fabric completely from your body, so he just lowers it enough so that your breasts are exposed. He bites his lip, holding a curse between his clenched teeth. When he presses his bare palm to your perky breasts, he tastes your trembling innocence, your soft flesh.
So beautiful.
So pure.
From the beginning you were his opposite, your delicate hands, as irritatingly clean as his are stained with blood and ash.
As much as he truly suffers from the consequences of his actions, he never regrets them, because he knows they are right - necessary. There was only the future to shape, the past should stay where it belongs; behind him. Something he had learned through much pain, but unfortunately, his sweet wife had not yet. But as he runs his greedy fingers down your body, feeling the goosebumps on your soft skin with each touch, Aemond knows he scares you as much as he excites you. You can't hide it from him. Your obviously involuntary response to him only makes him fiercer, hungrier. He wants to ruin you from the inside, until you can't bear to live a single day without his touch.
He allows you to continue your theatrics, still stubbornly staring at the wall while pretending his actions don't affect you. There's something almost too tempting about it, in fact; It's a matter of honor for him. He will break your masks and he will take pleasure in doing so.
Letting his fingers slide down your sides, Aemond's lips wander. He kisses the hole in your throat, moving down with wet, licked breaths to your breasts, tasting you. You gasp softly and grip tight fists on the bed sheets when he captures a soft nipple with a slow suck of lips and a teasing scrape of teeth, your body curling beneath him tightly. He smiles with your nipple still between his lips, leaving wide, warm trails of his tongue on the little perky bud. His hips slide against the inside of your parted thighs, pushing the hardened bulge in his pants against your pussy once.
You bite your lip and close your eyes, but he doesn't stop. With another thrust he uses his strength to push you back onto the bed, the bed you shared many nights with him, to fuck you into the warm sheets. It's almost too much for him to finally feel your little pussy once again, even through the leather of his pants and your delicate nightwear. But he continues with slow, strong thrusts, rubbing his cock against you in a way that teases your clit, the smell and heat of his effort wafting throughout his body; sweat, dragon, fire, ash, blood, death - all mixed together, merging with your own sweet, intoxicating scent and, of course, the unmistakable scent of sex.
Before the chaos broke out, Aemond was quite skilled at this, at driving you crazy. A part of him is extraordinarily pleased to find that he still remembers correctly, especially when a press of his fingers and a twirl of his thumb on your slobbery nipple makes you gasp. He wants to see you, to see you blush and sweat, looking ruined for him. Gods, oh yes, Aemond wants this so much. He can't stop, he can never stop, especially with you singing so sweetly to him. When you arch into his touch and whisper his name softly, like a secret no one can discover, his breath hitching. Aemond can't stop.
A specific thrust makes you let out a high-pitched meow, your hands pulling at the linen on the sheets and he moans along, releasing your breast with a wet pop to look at your face. You have your lips parted, your long eyelashes touching the top of your cheeks, your eyebrows furrowed in sweet agony. He thrusts a little faster, rubbing your clit with more pressure, taking in your presence and the feeling of your tiny, supple body, preening at every sound that leaves your lips.
Sounds so sweet, so beautiful; he considers himself a sinner with the way something so innocent and angelic makes his blood boil and his cock throb with need inside his pants, surely soaking the fabric with the way he feels himself leaking.
“Fuck, you’re going to kill me, baby...”
And yet, he doesn't think he cares about dying by your hands when things turn out like this. He is admitting defeat without any embarrassment now; he can bear the dull weight of war, he can bear his own mind trying to destroy him at every turn, he can bear the betrayal of his own family and the demands of his duties. He can bear with anything.
Anything except being without you.
With an impatient grunt, his fingers tug at the soft skirt of your nightdress, bunching the thing at your waist as he rips your underwear down your legs. You don't try to stop him, but you don't try to help him either, remaining almost motionless against the bed, and he feels like he can growling at you like an animal for that - stubborn girl. He hates and loves this about you in equal intensity. He's almost rough and punishing as he hooks the back of your knee into the inside of his elbow, pushing your leg up to your breasts. And then you're giving up your fight, sighing - all anxious expression, furrowing your eyebrows and biting your lip as he hurriedly unzips his pants and pulls them down just enough to pull his cock out, slamming the wet, throbbing head over your clit before sliding his entire length along your folds.
You moan, he moans. The slide is wet and he can't tell if it's all you, if it's all him, if it's all both. He doesn't care, honestly. All that matters is how his cock is thrusting into your heat, hitting your clit with luscious pokes, coaxing more of those sweet sounds from your pretty lips.
He hooks your other leg in the crook of his elbow and does exactly what he did with the other, trapping you between him and the bed in a position where your entire pussy is presented to him. With his hands flat beside your head, he brings his face closer to yours, the leather covering his chest pushing your knees further into your breasts. You moan through your teeth, unable to do anything but tighten your hands around his shoulders. He smiles slowly, drunk on the sensations, still gently sliding the length of his cock into your folds.
Aemond doesn't look away from you, enchanted by the way you dance between looking at the sapphire stone and the deep lilac of his functional eye. You've always done this, he thinks - saying one was as beautiful as the other, impossible to choose.
“I’m giving myself to you, love…I’m yours.” He whispers softly, husky, needy to you. "Will you do the same from now on?"
He’s so close he feel how your heart races violently at his words, slamming against your ribcage as you take a deep breath. Every expression on your flushed face makes him sure you're going to have an intense crying fit, but even when the liquid in your eyes pours down the side of your eyes, you keep yourself almost in one piece. You look deeply into his eye as your shoulders shake. "Y-yes." You exhale, fragile. “Yes, yes, yes,” your voice sings repeatedly, with quick, confused nods, tears streaming from your eyes.
He can't hold back the husky sound that leaves his lips, his cock pulsing in reaction to your obvious fragility exposed to him.
"Yeah?" He asks breathlessly and it's very slow - as he thrusts inside you, thrusting his hips back and forth once, twice, three times until your pussy swallows as much of his cock as it can, until the tip of his hip bones rub it against your thighs. And it's so intense, so obscene – the position he puts you in, the full weight of his body pinning you to the bed, broad shoulders hiding you from view, silver hair like a curtain around the two of you, your mouth falling open in a silent scream and his releasing small curses between clenched teeth... debauchery.
You give his shoulders a few desperate slaps as he fills you, your tight ring of muscle stretched to accommodate his girth, and no matter how long it takes him to prepare you, no matter how wet you are, he knows there's always that initial pain that rips through your groin as he pushes into you. It makes you sway beneath him, little tearful sobs that are like the sweetest song to him.
Another curse muttered in deep Valyrian was his only warning as his palms sink into the softness of the bed. Your own hands looking desperate too, one tangled in the silver base of his hair at the back of his neck and the other gripping the material of his leather shirt, a strangled moan catching in your throat as he begins to fuck you slowly. You can only hold on as he pulls and pushes his body above you with each deep thrust, his impatience shown only in the forceful and violent way in which his hands grip the bed sheets.
He leans into you a little more, moving his hips in different ways, testing the angles until he makes more of those tears well up in your eyes as your pleasure increases almost painfully. Your moans quickly turn into babbling when a particularly strong movement of his hips makes you shake all over. The way your tight pussy tries to contain him and suck him in at the same time drives him crazy, feral.
He won't last long. He already knew this before it even started, but now, feeling your walls squeezing the life out of him after so long deprived of it, with your cute little noises getting louder and louder, with your expression drunk with lust and sadness, the buzz of battle still vibrating through his veins... Aemond feels release approaching shamefully fast for him.
He'll make it up to you later, Aemond promises himself. When the hot need subsides at least a little in his system, he'll take off his dirty war clothes, maybe ask you to take a shower with him. He'll soap your body and tease you until you're riding his cock in the tub at your own pace, his fingers rolling your little clit with each bounce of your hips. He will lay you on the bed and love every inch of your soft body, worship your skin with kisses and hickeys. He will part your thighs and bury his fingers and tongue in your wet softness. He will rip orgasm after orgasm out of you until you are hoarse from screaming, until your body is physically unable to continue.
He will do it all.
He has done it in the past, many times.
Now, however, all he needs is to find his release, to unload those months of forced distance inside his trembling body. But Aemond will be damned if he doesn't bring you along with him.
He leans down to press his forehead against yours, pushing your legs against your body further, lips parting with hoarse, breathless moans that escaped him with each thrust and the sweet pleas you murmured incoherently. The movement of his hips quickens, one hand leaving its blunt grip on the sheets to squeeze between your thighs, poking your clit in tight circles, his cock hitting a spot inside your walls that makes you shiver and tremble in anticipation.
“Aemond…” you cry, digging your nails into the back of his neck, pulling his body towards yours, as if you weren’t already physically as close as possible.
He growls at your plea.
“My little, innocent wife,” Aemond giggles wildly as your pussy clamps down on his length again, your climax approaching, his thumb rotating a steady rhythm on your clit. If only your mind was clear enough to form a coherent thought, maybe you'd complain that the rhythm of his cock in your pussy would be painful, that the continuous and harsh scratching of his clothes hurts the soft and delicate flesh of your body, but you don't say anything, not now. You just accept what he gives you. And he knows you missed him as much as he missed you. “Always so good to me baby.”
Aemond watches you intently, unable to look away from the pleasure that shows on your face. You're shaking, lost in your wet breaths and high-pitched, broken cries, your legs trapped between his body, welcoming him. You're tight and small, his sweet wife, and Aemond can feel your cracks stretching, a spider's web of fractured thought and temptation too much for anyone to bear, and as much as he knows it's impossible, he wants this moment to last forever. Aemond is undone. A fool in love. And it's sad. And it's beautiful. It's being at home.
"Mine." His murmur echoes next to your lips, both of you breathing each other's breath, his rhythm starting to falter, the searing heat rushing through his body beneath those layers of heavy clothing makes him dizzy, but he doesn't stop, he doesn't stop. “So pure, so beautiful, so delicate…” he caresses your clit without faltering with a rumbling purr as his cock swells inside you. “Ngh...oh fuck, so tight. You're going to get everything, aren't you, darling? All of me.” His own teeth graze your neck as you arch and scream in pleasure. “Be a good girl and don't let anything leak, hmmm…”
He fucks you roughly, your name dancing on his lips like a prayer in the dark. Aemond savors this moment with the veneration it deserves, the final chase. The two of you so broken, so vulnerable, shaking with pleasure for each other. He rubs your pussy, hips slamming into you at lightning speed.
And finally, gods yes, it finally happens.
"Aemond! A-Aemond, please! Please-" You throw your head back, your lewd pleas turning into a broken scream as you explode around him. Your face is flushed and glistening with a subtle sheen of sweat, tears streaming down. It's all he can take. You convulse and break and the sensation of his cock swelling with the resulting explosions of hot cum filling you follows shortly after. As your body and pussy tremble and clench, he finally releases his own pleasure, biting down hard on your shoulder to muffle his husky moans, spilling himself deep inside you, the continuous spasms of your orgasm milking every drop from him. You and he cum together, and even in the hazy haze of climax, he thinks he's never experienced something so sublime, so perfect.
You're both shaking as you come down from the waves of mutual pleasure, and Aemond is especially careful now, gently unfolding your legs from that tight position to allow you to stretch them, which earns him a long, grateful, relieved moan. He slowly pulls away until he's kneeling between your thighs, watching raptly as you bite your lip as his cock leaves your heat. A tight grip circles around your parted thighs, lifting them up a little to expose your dripping pussy. He looks almost in awe as he watches his seed flow steadily from your abused pussy.
But Aemond is selfish and his cum doesn't belong on the crumpled, sweaty sheets. No, he told you to keep it safe inside you and that's what would happen. His fingers slip into the wet mess of cum in your folds, pushing as gently as he can all the thick liquid inside you again.
You're too tired to react, but you still sob softly at the sensation, subtly squirming on the bed, legs shaking from being held in the same position for so long. He looks at you, icy lilac gaze half-lidded with lust, blue stone glowing in the flames of the fire. He looks at the soft, creamy flesh of your sweaty body. He longs to see dark spots and bite marks, a way of proving that you belong to him. He lifts his head, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh, just above your left breast. His teeth leave crescent moons on your skin and you scream loudly at the stinging sensation, but you don't stop him. He walks away, admiring the constellations he had traced on your skin. Painting you for him, marking you as something unique to him.
You sniffle and blink wet eyelashes at him. He kisses his bite, murmuring gentle words to you, his lips trailing up with soft sucks and wet kisses in your throat until he brushes against your lips. And it's then, and only then, that he realizes he hasn't kissed you yet. He doesn't know why he didn't do it, given that it's probably the thing he misses most about you. Feeling the softness of your lips on his, the gradual way a small, innocent kiss quickly evolves into something more urgent, the way you immediately struggle to keep up with his pace, his hunger as he swallows your cute sighs and your ragged breaths as he suck your tongue.
Yes. This is what Aemond longs for. How easily he could make you fall apart in his hands.
Taking into account the way that you blush and look down at his lips, you're thinking the same thing. He smiles mischievously, slowly leaning in for a deep kiss, fingers damp with your juices and his cum resting on your jawline. Your little hands sink into his hair until you lightly scrapes your nails across his scalp, making Aemond shudder. The fingers of his other hand cup your hip, tracing the line of the bone in gentle patterns. His nose bumps yours as his tongue dances in your hot mouth, spreading in you the taste of smoke and revenge that seems to follow him at absolutely every moment now. And like his perfect antithesis, you gasp, let him savor your sweet, fruity flavor - so fuckin sweet.
Your legs circle his waist, making him press against your heat, quickly reigniting the flame of need within him. You lick it off his tongue, moan when he sucks your bottom lip and bites it, you beg between quick breaths and Aemond continues to rub himself against you, the kiss becoming sloppier, driving him crazy with how irresistible you are in this state. You give yourself completely to Aemond, without asking questions or making new complaints, and it drives him crazy.
"You are mine. Only mine. And you will never leave me again, do you understand?" He murmurs as he pulls away, both of you panting, looking seriously into your water-bright eyes, noting how they're a little wide and your mouth is swollen and wet from his kisses.
A few tears slide down your face, but you smile shakily at him, the hand in his hair stroking the silver strands lovingly.
"I am yours, Aem. Now and forever." Honesty bleeds into your shallow voice, your little fingers on your other hand tentatively tangling with the buckles of his shirt to open it.
Aemond rests his forehead against yours and truly smiles for the first time in a long, long time. Not a malicious, mocking or condescending smile... No, this time his lips are stretched into a small, but genuine, honest smile.
And it's because of you.
Because he knows he got what he wanted so much. He has you again. He was resilient, he was patient and he was fair. He fought and, with his efforts, created a space just for himself within your heart. He knows you're still unhappy with everything that's going on, and no matter how much he wants to, he can't change that. He can only strengthen you to bear it. It can only burrow deeper into your body and your heart until you are able to forget the atrocities that are happening around you - the horrible things that he is doing. It's a gaping hole in your chest that leaves you continually bleeding, he knows, but the exposed cut is so sweet, and here he is, licking the wound like an animal, with all the violent, relentless gentleness he has to offer as the vengeful prince that he is.
He wraps his arms around you, pushing his cock back into your abused pussy in a deep movement that draws a broken sound from both of you, pulling you against his chest. He rubs his sweaty face against your throat, your face, your hair. His voice syrupy and thick as he whispers, "I love you."
Fuck. Aemond would never let you go.
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shortkinglogan · 8 days ago
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Why spend energy arguing about a fictional character when that energy can be better spent defending and arguing for real people?
Why worry about how someone writes a fictional character when there's people that write about real people and dehumanize and fetishize them in their works, and in real life?
It's ironic how often I see someone arguing that some head canon is trash, ends up insulting someone in a dehumanizing way, or jump to accusations, in the very same instance as trying to argue the fictional character is being dehumanized or misrepresented.
Don't be taking real shits on real people over imaginary shit on imaginary people!!
Getting deep into the x men fandom means seeing ships I don't agree with, so I don't interact, seeing posts that mischaraterizes one of the deepest charaters possible, so I don't interact, Seeing people actively say things that are blatantly wrong, so I don't interact.
Getting a large following is also kind of frustrating (Im not complaining I love you guys!) But I've had to block 2 people already today because they keep leaving rude replies to my comments on OTHER peoples posts or purposly come to my blog to tell me that how I view a charater is wrong. Had someone tell me that the stuff that happens in MY au is dumb because "that would never happen" like yeah bud. The writers at Marvel are too much of cowards for it to happen, hence why i'm here.
So my thing is... if im chosing not to interact with all of this- why is it still on my feed?
I feel like the more I ignore it the more I see and I do not wish to be the type to block someone simply because they make one post about a ship that personally isn't my cup of tea.
Also- I think Im starting to see the different sides of extremes, especially when it comes to one specifc charater.
Logan.
I have seen dozens of lovely stories, lovely rants, lovely head canons about this man-
But something that feels weird (to me at least) is people who are 45+ yelling at people who aren't even 18 that their story/headcanons are trash because they've "been enjoying Logan for 40+ years" as if this gives them any right to tell a 17 year old that they shouldnt write a charater how they see them.
It's also weird to me that there seems to be two sides.
Logan IS an animal and that's perfectly okay.
Or
Logan ISN'T an animal, and everyone who headcanons him as animalistic is fetishizing his mutation and are insulting him.
I get not liking a certain trope, but sir, that person is young enough to be your child. You have to accept that we all grew up with different versions of each charater. I Personally didn't grow up with any and get the luxury of indulging in all sorts of media all at once- therefore getting to see him from multiple sides and pictures.
I completely understand if you grew up with the original series and are upset to see that kids are headcanoning your stone cold angst biker man as wearing bow clips and 'making biscuits' on a pillow while watching gilmore girl with his boyfriend, and wearing pink fluffy hello kitty pants and a tight shirt that says "Milk"
I completely understand if you grew up with the movies and see him as a sexy gruff hot buff man and you love to write lots and lots of steamy x reader about him.
I completely understand if you LIKE logan wearing hello kitty pants and don't agree with the idea of him being a dark edgelord, lone wolf charater.
Do you know what I don't understand? Fighting over a charater when different timelines have been canon since the 80s. The Time Variance Authority (TVA) first appeared in Thor #372 (October 1986) which means ALL of your logans are the correct logan. Just not all the same.
Do I think Wolverine Orgins Logan would wear pink hello kitty pants? Nah.
Do I know that Deadpool and wolverine Logan is a whole different universe then Orgins Logan? Yes.
That's why people tag different logans and different aus. So what is all the fuss about?? What happened to the more the merrier?
Theres so many different versions of comic book logan, too, so don't even go there.
Feel free to ask my personal opinions but as far as I stand I could never be foolish enough to seriously go into someone elses post and genuinely be upset at them for how they perceive a charater. I get second hand embaressment when ever I see ANYONE doing it.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. I don't care if I lose followers for this. Let the door hit you on the way out. There aint no reason to be harrassing folks.
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favefandomimagines · 3 months ago
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Countertops (t.o)
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Summary: a small fight doesn’t stop Tyler from caring about you
Request: @cinderellasmissingshoes Hi lovely, can I please request a Tyler Owens fic where he and reader are upset with each other, and they've each gone into different parts of the house to cool off. But then Tyler sees her climbing onto the counter for something, which he hates her doing because of how unsafe it is. And even though he's still upset, he still loves her and worries for her safety, so he helps her off before grabbing what she wanted?? I apologize if this is too specific, I know some writers like super specific requests and some don't, you can change this however you like! Can you please tag @glenscowboyhat as well please? They helped me come up with this idea. Thank you very much, have a nice rest of your day!
AN: a little short but fluffy and cute! And sometimes we just need a little fluffy and cute
You don’t even remember what started the argument or what it was about. The last thing you remember about the argument was that Tyler had gotten home later than intended, he didn’t answer any of your calls or texts when he was out chasing, and then the next thing you knew, you had dispersed to opposite sides of the house.
You remembered yelling at him about how you never see him for more than a few hours at a time. How you hadn’t spent enough quality time together recently and you just wanted to go on a date or do something fun.
He scoffed and said chasing paid the bills. Then you rebutted saying your job at the National Weather Service paid the bills, hitting his ego where it hurt.
It had been three hours. Three hours since the two of you have spoken and he had disappeared into the den of your shared home. It was agitating you, but you weren’t about to apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. You had too much pride for that and Tyler did too.
You were sitting at the kitchen island, scrolling through Pinterest recipes to make for dinner. You could hear the TV in the other room playing some stupid rerun of an Oklahoma Sooners game from last season.
You rolled your eyes and picked one to make. As you were cooking, you realized you were out of olive oil. You knew you kept an extra bottle in the cupboard, the cupboard that was way out of your reach.
With a groan, you moved the tea towel that was on the counter out of the way, took off your slippers, and hopped up on the countertop.
Tyler was ready to have an actual conversation with you. He was still upset, but he was more upset that he let some stupid argument get the best of him. Technically, you were right. Your job pays the bills, his job is the extra income. He just wanted to be on speaking terms with you again.
He walked into the kitchen where he knew you were and saw you kneeling on the countertop. “Woah, woah, what are you doing?” He questioned, rushing to you. Tyler wrapped his arm around your waist and one under your legs as he helped you down off the counter.
“I needed the olive oil.” You answered as he set you down on the ground. “You could have asked for help.” Tyler said. “We weren’t exactly talking. Plus, how do you think I got things off of top shelves before we moved in together?” You rebutted.
“You know I hate you doing that. It’s extremely unsafe.” He said. “And so is going inside a tornado but I don’t lecture you, now do I?” You sassed.
Tyler sighed, took your hand and pulled you towards him as he sat at the counter barstool. “Y/N, I’m sorry about the fight.” He said. “I’m sorry too. I think I was just more sad than angry that we hadn’t spent quality time together and I said things I didn’t mean.” You replied.
“No, no you were right. Tornado Wranglers is just our spending money. Your job pays for the house. I will work on making sure we spend more time together.” Tyler replied.
“How about we find a compromise? You love chasing and you love the channel, I know better than anyone how quickly storms develop. We spend every night together, but if a storm develops that’s worth chasing, you can go do what you do best.” You said.
“I love chasing but I love you more. But, I agree with your compromise.” Tyler said, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Though I still think you should come out there with me. Have a real scientist go out in the storm.” He added.
You let out a laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck. “It’s going to take a lot more convincing to get me in that saddle, cowboy.” You joked. “Well, it turns out I’m pretty persuasive.” He commented. “Oh are you? Care to elaborate?” You questioned. “Sorry, sweetheart, you have dinner on the stove.” Tyler replied.
“Now that’s just mean.” You teased. “Come on, I’ll help you with dinner.” Tyler said, standing up.
That night, all night, Tyler’s phone was on do not disturb. He didn’t reply to a single call or text from Boone or the rest of the team. Even when dark clouds rolled in and rain started pouring.
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chuuyasheaven · 6 months ago
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Lovely wife on the surface, freak under the sheets !! (Fyodor, Dazai, Chuuya)
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TAGS. F. Dostoevsky, D. Osamu, C. Nakahara (separately) / Wife! Fem! Reader, p in v, oral sex, Fyodor’s might not be as spicy as the other two, masturbating (Fyodor), teasing, pet names, slight praise and degrading, slight brat taming (Fyodor, Chuuya), breeding kink (Chuuya), mentions of getting prego (Chuuya), might have grammar errors, etc.
NOTES. First two finals were good, yesterday in the english one, there was a task of writing a story and guess what I did? I wrote a cringy angsty soukoku fan fic 😭 but yeah small Drabble to feed y’all pookies!!!
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F. DOSTOEVSKY
Everyone thinks you and Fyodor are a good match, because look at you! His pretty little wife who does everything she’s told, never thinking of saying ‘no’ to her husband.
But sometimes, you like being a little disobedient just to get punished by him. So that’s why you probably were fingering yourself, the cold wedding ring adding more to the pleasure. When Fyodor caught you, your legs were spread and your wet cunt was on display for him, so he obviously knew that you let yourself get caught on purpose.
“Such a naughty little wife, hm?”, Fyodor hummed as he slowly let his finger drag across your wet folds, picking up your wetness. “My, my, look at how wet you are, darling. Couldn’t even wait for me to come back, no? You know your fingers aren’t good as mine.”, he was right, his pale, long slender fingers could reach spots you never could on your own. “I know, but you took so long!!”, you whined, “Please help me out, Fedya.”, Fyodor chuckled, two fingers, going around your dripping cunt to avoid it. “I don’t know, a naughty wife who doesn’t follow her husbands orders shouldn’t get the pleasure they crave.”, wasn’t he right though? He specifically told you not to pleasure yourself when he wasn’t around, didn’t he?
“C’mon, Fedya, please!”, you begged him, moving around to get his fingers to touch your cunt at least once. “So desperate, aren’t we?”, he teased, a smirk making it on his face. “I’ll never do it again, promise. . You were gone for too long and I just missed you! Please, please, please, Fedya! Need your fingers in me.”, aw that’s cute, maybe he should give in to your pleas? “Do you think you deserve it, my dear?”, you better not lie and say something he didn’t wanna hear. “No but I’ll make it up to you! I will earn it.”, Fyodor really didn’t think of this answer, but went with it either way. “You’re gonna earn it?”, you nodded and sat up. “Promise.”, He was satisfied with that.
“Then come and earn it, love.”
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D. OSAMU
Dazai wasn’t the possessive type, but when it came to you, his wife, then he might be. Especially when a man was flirting with you, even though you clearly have a ring on your finger! Luckily for you, Dazai was with you when this happened earlier. All that happened because of the dress you had on, a dress which was hugging your figure nicely, hell, if he didn’t know any better he would be flirting with you too!
Well, bless the heavens and the above for catching you before anyone else did, because you feel way too good than you should, he also had the privilege of ripping the very same dress of off you.
“You look way too sexier than you should, ‘donna.”, Dazai was working his tongue on your cunt, sending light vibrations to it by talking to you. You just nodded, being a little spent because this was going on for two rounds straight. “Oh, so you agree?”, he asks you, his hot breath moving further away from your cunt. “No, Dazai— don’t stop!”, you whined, but Dazai just chuckled deeply. “I gotta disagree with you on this one, sweetheart. . I think you’re rather divine, your taste especially.”, this teasing asshole, why was he asking you questions instead of making you cum for a third time. “My beautiful wife, thinking she isn’t sexy. . Maybe I need to convince her?”, Dazai was standing up, giving you the illusion of depriving you of your— much deserved in your opinion —orgasm. But no, he was far from done with you.
The amount of bliss you felt when he pushed his cock in you, nearly screaming of how sudden it was to you. “I think I already know how to.”, his hips started moving against yours while his hands were holding onto yours. Your moans were pulled from you again, you grabbed the sheets in the amount of pleasure he made you feel.
“Gonna make you feel so good, baby. . Just keep being such a good wife for me, ‘kay?”
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C. NAKAHARA
Before your husband, Chuuya, came through the door, you were backing him a small cake. Just like a good wife should, also wearing a cute apron with the saying “Kiss the chef”. All went well so far and Chuuya walked through the door, not to greet you, that is.
You are a good wife, but sometimes you can be a little deceiving. A prime example being those photos you sent Chuuya at least a hour before his work ended, photos which included you in his favorite lace lingerie with the caption “miss you”. And what was your reason? Just to tease him a little, maybe a little motivation to work faster to get home earlier.
He was impatient, he’s been waiting for a hour to get home to you, just to not even get to the bedroom. That’s right, he was gonna take you right at the kitchen counter. Chuuya took off your shirt to see you were still wearing the set, a smirk was curving up on his lips. “You’re still wearing this, doll?”, he asked you, since you were bent over the counter he couldn’t see your smile on your face, but he could hear your giggle. “Yeah, just for you.”, you admitted in a teasing tone. “Just for me? Well then allow me. .”, he replied, pulling your lace panties to the side.
Chuuya wasn’t going slow at it, he was basically going so fast and hard that the counter legit started to shake slightly. His hips slapping against your ass, your moans filling the kitchen along side by his groans and breathy cursing. “Couldn’t wait for me to— mhm, fuck —to come home, hm? Sendin’ me photos of you looking so perfect sayin’ you miss me.”, he groaned, all you replied with was a moan. “Such a little slut, you jus’ wanted to get fucked, didn’t you? Teasin’ me at work just for a good fuck.”, Chuuya could feel his orgasm approaching, your cunt clenching around him only sped up the process.
“Ch–chuuya— ngh!”, you moaned out his name in bliss, Chuuya sped up the pace. “Want me to cum inside you, baby? Want me to fill you up so fuckin’ good?”, he asked in a low mocking tone, waiting for a response from you. “Y–yes! Ah— please!”, his cock twitched when you gave him the permission. “Yeah? Gonna fill you up so much you’ll be leakin’. . ‘till you might get pregnant.”, he didn’t really mean it, did he? It was all in the heat of the moment, right? Nonetheless, it turned you on with the way he said it. A deep chuckle was heard from him as he felt you clench down again. “You like that, doll? You wanna get pregnant with our child— oh fuck —you’re squeezin’ me so tight. . You sure you want it?”, you repeatedly moaned a yes, making him smirk. “C–cumming!”, you almost screamed, the amount of pleasure being a bit overwhelming.
“Yeah, just like that. . Take it like a good girl, baby. Hm— keep clenchin’ like that so nothin’ spills, understood?”
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Hi again 😋 hope y’all are well fed now :3
982 notes · View notes
racecardilfs · 5 months ago
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aegean - fa14 smau
fernando alonso x fem!singer!reader
summary: fernando alonso and his girlfriend break up, but is it really over?
warnings: angst no fluff! some slut shaming moments, fernando does NOT look good in this one, but theres more going on behind the scenes i promise xx
a/n: this has no specific face claim, and the songs mentioned are from a variety of artists! there will be a list at the end of the post ♡ there is a part two to this all planned out, it will be posted shortly, hopefully!
my masterlist ❀ part two
Twitter
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Instagram
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Liked by yourbsf2, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, and 212,964 others
yourusername shout out to my girls 🫶 i love you forever!
tagged: yourbsf1, yourbsf2, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes
yourbsf1: YOURE SO PRETTY I LOVE YOU WIFE!!!!!
yourusername: NO YOU!!
alexandrasainmleux: pretty pretty girl!!
yourusername: can’t wait for another date with you gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 charles_leclerc: excuse me? yourusername: you’re excused, vroom vroom boy 😒
user1: gorgeous gorgeous girls have breakup parties together
yourusername: you know it!!! user2: CONFIRMATION? IM DEVASTATED. RUINED. WALKING INTO THE OCEAN.
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Liked by f1, astonmartinf1, and 375,599 others
fernandoalo_official Greece, you were beautiful🤩A few days off before it’s back to the track again! 🏎️
User3: Sir, I don’t know what you did, but you better fix it right the fuck now.
User4: how do you know it was his fault? we don't know anything yet User3: bc that woman is literally a saint, there’s no way it was her fault User5: don’t get me wrong, i love y/n so much, but there’s no way for us to know what happened. it might not have been anyones fault, and neither of them need this energy if they’re trying to get over their breakup :’( i’m rooting for both of them
Hater1: Always knew she was bad for you, congrats man!
astonmartinf1: see you soon, sir!
Twitter
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Instagram
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Liked by yourbsf1, charles_leclerc, maisiehpeters, and 264,978 others
yourusername been a little busy lately, but i’ve got something cooking for you all!
yourbsf2: love you so big <3
yourusername: i love you the biggest! 💓
alexandrasaintmleux: can’t wait for everyone else to hear it!!
user6: PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW!!!! 🙏 alexandrasaintmleux: 🤫
user 7: oh… this is gonna wreck me, isnt it.
lilymhe: yeah… you’ll thank her though
user8: the last photo 💔 i promise it gets easier, y/n
Liked by yourusername
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Liked by finneas, coltonherta, yukitsunoda0511, and 516,785 others
yourusername remember when i said i had something cooking? my album ‘aegean’ is out now. a lot of love and hurt went into this album, and now it’s yours. i hope it means as much to you as it does to me <333
finneas: it was such a blast to work with you on this album, lets do it again soon!!
yourusername: yes please!
francisca.cgomes: so proud of you babe, just lmk when you want to run away and elope!
yourusername: my bags are packed and waiting! pierregasly: guess i’ll just leave you both to it 🧍
yourbsf2: wow look at how cool and pretty and talented my best friend is, everyone!!!
yourusername: ugh i love you so much
alexandrasaintmleux: still so excited!!! can we please go get late night ice cream to celebrate
yourbsf1: seconded francisca.cgomes: thirded! yourusername: ok to the groupchat before this is a long chain xx alexandrasaintmleux: as you wish, babe 👩‍❤️‍👩
user8: oh my god???? surprise drop???? queen behavior
user9: i’m not crying, YOU’RE crying!
user10: ur crying too, dont lie! user9: ok yeah. have you HEARD aegean? how could i not be screaming crying throwing up.
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Liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, yourbsf1, and 228,531 others
lilymhe this amazing, beautiful girl did something amazing and beautiful again! y/n, i am so so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. please never let the hurt keep you down, because you are absolutely incredible. We will always be there to pick you back up if you need it! midnight ice creams with you are something i will cherish forever 🫶
tagged: yourusername, yourbsf1, your bsf2, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes, maisiehpeters
yourusername: i love you sooo much lily <33333 thank you for being such an incredible friend
lilymhe: i love you forever 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
francisca.cgomes: pretty best friends stick together forever and ever
yourusername: men are temporary, girlfriends are forever
maisiehpeters: might need to move to monaco so i can come to every midnight ice cream from now on
lilymhe: you’re welcome every time!
user11: how do i get this kind of female friendship in my life? 🥺
yourusername: be kind, be yourself, and be open! your people will find you, user11 💕 user11: OMG HI QUEEN ILYSM KEEP BEING YOU!!! thank you so much!
Twitter
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Fernando Alonso's Instagram messages
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a/n: and that's my first fic! first smau too, so i hope the formatting isn't too bad? i love when reader is friends w the wags, but i also always love to have y/n have friends outside of the paddock, so i hope no one minded! sorry if any of the wags are ooc i just rlly needed a big group of girl friends for this and idk how normal people talk. also was this just propaganda for some of my fav songs/artists? maybe 🤭i'm actually super nervous about this, so i hope you all enjoyed!!! please send me any questions or comments you have!
the songs mentioned are:
While You Were Sleeping - Laufey
Black Hole - boygenius
Lovesick - Laufey
Goddess - Laufey
Wendy - Maisie Peters
anything - Adrianne Lenker
opposite - Sabrina Carpenter
Aegean - Push Baby
Mud - Delaney Bailey
things i wish you said - Sabrina Carpenter
(I Would Have Followed You) - Delaney Bailey
478 notes · View notes
caffichai · 6 months ago
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Food Bank Fundraiser
Hi everyone!
First of all, I want to say thanks to everyone who's been leaving such nice tags/comments on stuff I've posted! It's been really encouraging (o^▽^o)
Anyway, I think we all know it's very dark days on the economic front for many of us. So as such, I'd like to help raise some funds for Food Banks Canada! In exchange for you making a donation to the food bank, I will draw a character suggestion!
I know this is not really the sort of thing I normally do or post here but... many folks are struggling to put food on the table right now, and the food bank is a source of support for many and provides an absolute necessity. I've seen many people struggling in my own city, and food security has become an even bigger issue than it already was in the last couple of years with the food bank struggling to keep up with demand. Of course, food security is an issue across the whole country that's putting a huge strain on food banks, with nearly 5% of the entire population making use of food banks monthly, and 23% of the population reporting food insecurity (CBC, 2024; Global News, 2024). Unsurprisingly, those who are already most disadvantaged suffer the effects of food scarcity even more (Statistics Canada, 2023). To make matters more desperate, Canada's food bank system is on the brink of collapse (CTV News, 2024).
I know this isn't going to something big enough to change the world or anything, but being able to make even a small impact for individual people is important too!
✨Incentives✨
Of course, I'm sure people aren't just in it for a reward, but rewards make things all the sweeter, right?
For those who want to contribute, I'll take a character suggestion and add it to a poll (depending on the number of contributors, it may be split up into multiple polls), and then I'll draw as many as I can from top to bottom ranking! If you contribute, please send me a DM with your donation receipt and your character idea! They won't necessarily all be drawn in the same style, and they'll be done according to how much time I've got. (I know that commissions are probably the biggest incentive, but realistically, I struggle to get them done quickly and they're probably not that affordable to everyone)
If you prefer SFW or NSFW, you can let me know (But NSFW will be posted to Cohost). If you make a bigger contribution, I'll reach out to you and ask if you wanna see more specifics/details in your piece. How's that for sweetening the pie? :3
For those who can't make a donation (which is completely understandable), simply spreading the post is also helpful, and I appreciate that greatly as well!
Don't forget that giving a donation allows you to get a tax break based on the amount donated as well!
Alternatives?
If you'd rather donate to your own local food bank, that's great too! You can DM me and send me a pic of your receipt and I'll still add your suggestion to the poll.
If you REALLY want a commission, you can also DM me and I'll do my best to fulfil it! I won't be taking commissions for this till/if there's at least a couple of items on the poll though. The proceeds will go to my own local food bank. The commission will be done later though, and may take some time to fulfil. I take payment only after starting.
When do we start??
I guess once there's a good number of poll options? I have no idea how long that will be, but rest assured I'll keep you updated!
Where do we contribute?
You can make your donation to Food Banks Canada! They really need it!
Alternatively, you can make a donation to your local food bank or equivalent charity.
Other Questions?
Feel free to send me a message or an ask! I'll get back to you ASAP. If I need to include more details or clarify something, let me know! It's my first time doing this!
TL;DR
I want to help raise money for food banks! Anyone who contributes to Food Banks Canada (or donates to their own local food bank or equivalent charity) can DM me with their receipt and give a character to add to the poll. Poll characters will be drawn in order of their ranking, as many as I can manage, over as long a period of time as I can manage!
No pressure to donate of course, I just figured this would be a fun way of raising a bit of money to help out, and allow us to donate more than what I personally can
Current Contributor Count: 13
Suggested Characters:
Imagine your beloved, obscure or popular character here on this poll list! Oooooooh, how lucrative :3
Total funds raised:
780.36$!!!
353 notes · View notes
darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 months ago
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Someone New 2
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include angst, pining, romcom tropes, and some darker elements later in the series. Some triggers may not be specifically tagged. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This fic will contain explicit content. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You’ve had a crush on your best friend for years, but you’re slapped in the face with reality when he takes things to the next level with his girlfriend.
Characters: Steve Rogers, Thor
Note: Idk why but I'm so over dealing with people!
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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You swipe away another phone call. You have at least a dozen missed. Let them buzz in your pocket for another few hours. You try not to think about it as you turn your attention back to the plot before you, the tight foot by foot square, and continue to gently sift through the dirt. You stop only to make notes on the map and examine the odd bit of animal bones you find. 
Bzzzzzz. The constant vibration in your pants makes you anxious. You should put it to silent but keep forgetting. Whatever. You’re busy. Whoever it is will have to wait. You know who it is. He’s been calling for days. You’ve been ignoring him just as long. 
You should pick up. You should be there for him. You should be happy for him but your heart feels rotten. Years of pining and you can’t pretend any longer. Not after the party. Not after seeing him on his knee for another woman. That’s it. That’s the seal on the envelope. The dream is crumpled up and in the bin. 
He didn’t even notice that you left early. You don’t think anyone did. You spent all those weeks planning and fretting and laying awake at night and for what? To pretend that it could ever be all for you?  
You sigh and sit back on your heel, one leg bent under you as you rest your arm on your other knee. You blow an insect away from your face and push your hat back. The sun beats down, offering great light for the excavation but less than ideal temperature. 
“Eh, there you are,” Arturo waltzes up in his round tinted spectacles, “find anything good?” 
“Nah,” you shake your head and shrug. 
“You know where you’d find something amazing? Norway,” he smirks, hands on his hips. “So... you thought about it?” 
“Mm, yeah, been thinking,” you utter dully as you look up at him from under the brim of your hat. “When do you need a decision?” 
“The sooner the better. The grant proposal is all but approved, we just need a name on that blank line,” he says, “this could be really good for you. No, I know it will be good.” 
“Right,” you nod and stand up, dusting off your tan pants, “I know you said you weren’t sure but any idea how long? I’d have to worry about my apartment and telling my family...” 
“A year. That’s about right,” he proclaims, “could be longer but I’d plan for that.” 
“A year?” You wisp as your chest deflates. You put your hand on your pocket as your phone buzzes again. “Wow.” 
“You really want to spend another year in the city sweating for crow bones?” He asks. “Not trying to push you but these opportunities don’t come along often.” 
“Norway,” you suck your teeth and angle your chin as you think, “viking stuff?” 
“Possibly, could be an early Christian settlement too. How about I send you the proposal and you give it a look?” 
“Sure, I... I guess I should.” 
“It’ll all be taken care of; accommodation, travel, stipend,” he lists off with his fingers. “I know it’s not Ireland like you wanted.” 
“No, no, it’s okay,” you assure him, “I’ll keep thinking.” 
He winks and grins triumphantly, “tomorrow. I need to know tomorrow.” 
“Tomorrow?” You echo back in a hollow murmur. 
He’s already walking away. Your phone starts to shake again and you growl. You shove your hand in your pocket and rip it out. Your gloves smear dirt on the screen as you press the red button. You pause before you can drag your thumb over. You inhale and push your finger the other direction. 
“Bucky,” you answer in confusion. He wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t an emergency. 
“Ah, there you are kid,” Steve’s voice comes in place of the expected timbre. You hiss. “You avoiding me or something?” 
“Uh, no,” you reply thinly, “I’m working,” you rub the back of your neck with your other hand, “it’s been busy and I’m sure you’ve been running all around with... everything.” 
You can’t bring yourself to say it. Wedding. Ugh. He’s getting married... to her. 
“Well, Peggy’s doing most of the planning, really. I don’t know,” he chuckles crisply, “you know, more a lady’s thing. She’s already knee-deep in the engagement party. Maybe you could give her a few pointers.” 
“Yeah, maybe,” you grumble as you bring your hand forward to rub your thumb with your index, scratching away more of the dust. 
“I didn’t get to say thank you. Again. That party was amazing. It was perfect, kid.” 
“Steve, we’re the same age,” you gripe at his pet name. 
“Yeah, but you hate it so much,” he teases. 
You can’t smile. Even as your cheeks pinch, you can only grimace. You drop your arm and close your eyes as you push your head back. 
“She loved it. I did too. We’re so happy and you made that happen--” 
“Steve, why are you calling? I’m buried right now,” you huff. 
“You are? I thought you’re supposed to dig stuff up--” 
“You know what I mean.” 
“Well, you missed Opening Day so I thought maybe you’d wanna come watch the game. Sam’s doing his famous nachos and Bucky is... coming.” 
You hear the very man mutter in the background. Great, you even have an audience. You wouldn’t be surprised if he had you on speaker. Why would anything between you ever be intimate? 
“Tonight?” You wonder, “you sure you’re available?” 
“Me, I should be asking you,” he scoffs, “come on, how long’s it been since we’ve been apart a whole week?” 
“Work...” 
“Can you dig in the dark?” He challenges. 
“Steve,” you sniff, “I’m tired...” you feel your heart sinking. You feel bad. You never say no to Steve. It’s not easy. You tried but he’s right. You can’t remember the last time you didn’t see him at least every other day. “Fine, twist my arm.” 
“Good,” he chirps victoriously. “I wasn’t looking forward to driving up there and digging you out. So, seven?” 
“Seven, right,” you agree. “See ya then.” 
“Don’t make me come find ya, kid.” 
You hang up and cringe. You don’t even like baseball. It was just another personality trait you took on hoping to be close to Steve, hoping he might realise you’re destined to be together. Well, that’s not true. You’re just stupid. It took you too long to grow out of being that stupid college girl fawning over the blond hunk in his coed sweater. 
Still stupid, still alone. 
💟
You never show up empty-handed. Even when you were a poor sophomore. So it is that you delay the inevitable by stopping at your favourite local bakery. They’re closing and you get the eclairs for a discount as they’ll be on the day-old shelf in the morning.  
The owner, Marigold, knows you and puts in an extra one. You leave a tip as you listen eagerly to her rambling story about her granddaughter’s first soccer practice. Usually, you would be checking the time but today, you got more than enough. Finally, she sends you off as she turns off the sign. 
Fine, you’ll go. 
You find a visitor’s spot behind Steve’s building and linger in the car. You eat the extra eclair to keep from crying. Sugar is good for clogging up your tear ducts. You wipe your mouth and make yourself get out of the car. 
As you wait in the lobby for the buzzer to pick up, your insides squirm. You’re not ready for this. You’re not ready to face the truth you’ve been running from. The one you know you can’t deny any longer. 
“Hey kid,” Steve unlocks the door without awaiting a response. It’s typical; you have your patterns. Those little rituals are all going to end. 
You go through to the elevators and contemplate taking the stairs as you wait. The doors open and you step on, facing your reflection in the mirror doors. Your pants are still filthy from working in the dirt, your shirt is stained with your sweat, but at least you remembered to change your shoes. The elevator dings and you nearly let the doors close again before you can find your strength. 
You walk down the hallway and knock. You can hear their voices through the door. Steve opens it from within and gives you a strange look. 
“What’re you knocking for? You know you can come right in.” 
“Yeah, sorry, tired, long day,” you babble out the lazy excuses. “Here.” 
“Oh, nice,” he takes the box of eclairs, “you weren’t lying. You look exhausted.” 
“Ah, you really know how to talk up a woman,” Sam interjects as he appears in the doorway further down the entryway, “it’s a wonder Peggy said yes.” 
“Shut up,” Steve throws back as he turns to head back to the kitchen. 
You take your time in pulling off your shoes and sense Sam lingering, watching as you meander. You clear your throat as you stand and head down the hall. He nudges you as you step into the doorway next to him. 
“Where ya been?” He asks, “these jackasses have been driving me nuts.” 
“Work,” you repeat again, “lots going on.” 
“Right, yeah, now that you’re not spending all your time planning someone else’s girlfriend’s birthday.” 
You give him a sharp look and he shows his palms. You shake your head. He’s right. You wasted all that time. You’ve wasted years. All for nothing. 
“Fiancee, now, I guess,” he adds. 
“Yeah, the happy couple,” you snip and step into the room, “so we watching the game or are we giving him another pat on the back.” 
“What? You’re not excited? You’ll get to be a bridesmaid or whatever. Since I’m best man, I’ll be sure to save you a dance,” Sam chuckles. 
“You? Best man?” Bucky sneers from the couch where he slouches and flicks through a motorcycle magazine, “don’t think so, bud.” 
“Oh, you don’t think I’m better than you?” Sam challenges. “Let’s race for it.” 
“You cheat,” Bucky growls. 
“No, I have strategy,” Sam counters. 
You roll your eyes. Wedding talk, already. The exact thing you can’t handle right now.  Bucky sits up to glare at Sam as he closes the glossy pages. You let them argue and posture at each other. 
You leave the room and let yourself onto the balcony. The fresh air is chilling. You shiver as you step up to the railing and look across the city. You take in the skyline, each window, each peak, each speck of a car on the streets below. It feels so grey. Like it’s the last time you’ll be standing here looking over it all. 
Maybe it is. 
💟
You sip from the bottle of beer as Sam nearly drops his nachos off his lap in excitement. He hollers at the screen as Bucky gives him a look. Steve shakes a fist at the second base run. You’re happy enough to tamp down the heat of the peppers with the wheaty ale.  
Sam rights himself beside you as Steve reaches forward to set down his plate. He grabs the square of paper towel folded on the coffee table and wipes his lips. He sits back and slings his elbow over the armrest as the next batter takes his place. 
“So, how do you guys feel about a destination wedding?” Steve asks. 
You clamp your lips tight and scoop up more fixings with a chip. Sam swallows loudly as Bucky shrugs. No one says a word. 
“Peggy asked earlier. I wanted to do it at a cathedral here. Just how I always pictured it,” Steve says. 
Yeah, that sounds like him. He likes old-fashioned and elegant. Everything Peggy is and you’re not. Makes you wonder why she wouldn’t want the same venue. 
“Back home?” Sam wonders. 
“England? No. I suggested that and she was not into it.” 
“Somewhere tropical?” Sam prompts again. He’s at least trying. You’re too sick to open your mouth. 
“Sure, that’s what I was hoping,” he smiles, “especially if it’s a winter wedding. The date... yeah, that’s a big deal too. You know, I thought the ring was a pain.” 
You keep your head down, hoping the pain doesn’t show. Not only did he propose to her, he kept it from you. You’re best friends and you had no idea. How much had you been through with him? He had you plan that whole party but he couldn’t tell you that?  
No, no, you’re being dramatic. You’re friends. He doesn’t owe you that. It’s between him and Peggy. His future... wife. Ugh. You can’t even imagine that happening. You try and try but you just can’t stomach the image. Peggy in white, Steve in his tux, and you just standing, watching. 
“I can’t come,” you blurt out abruptly. 
“Huh?” Steve blinks and flinches as if he’s been slapped. 
Sam angles beside you to squint at you and Bucky’s brows pop up. Another silence, this one deadly. You’re suffocating as you search for words. 
“I won’t be here.” 
“Well, yeah, like I said, it’s gonna be somewhere else. You don’t even know when it is,” Steve blusters as his face creases in disappointment. 
“I’m going to Norway,” you blather and nearly choke at the realisation of what you said. 
“Norway?” Sam repeats hollowly. 
“Yeah, uh, work... offered me a grant contract and I’ll be going to Norway. For at least a year. So... yeah.” 
“Wait, you’re leaving?” Steve blinks rapidly, “how-- when were you going to tell me?” 
“I’m telling you now,” you push your shoulders up, “I just found out.” 
“You can’t...” Steve begins. 
“That’s awesome,” Sam speaks over him, “hey,” he nudges you, “that is so fucking cool. Norway. Vikings and shit.” 
Bucky nods and gives a thoughtful look, “rains a lot.” 
“So I’ve heard,” you utter dumbly, not sure how to respond. “I got a lot to do before then so I might be a bit absent.” 
“Don’t even worry about us,” Sam insists, “you need any help at all...” 
Steve stands up suddenly and slams his bottle down. Before you can speak, he twists on his heels and storms across the apartment. You stare after him as he disappears into the next room and you hear the balcony door slide back then snap shut just as quickly.  
You grip the beer bottle tight and look down. You didn’t think he’d be mad. You’ll be out of the way. He can get married and be happy. 
“What a baby,” Bucky grumbles, “can’t be happy for anyone but himself.” 
“Well, you are his best pal,” Sam snipes, “birds of a feather.” 
“So that means I’m best man,” Bucky intones mischievously. 
“No, it’s not best buddy, it’s best man--” 
They continue their banter and you get up. You put down your chips and beer and leave without notice from the bickering couple. You near the balcony and look through to Steve as he leans on the rail, his head down. Gently, you slide the door open and step out. 
Only the wind blows as you come closer to the railing. He roils in the cool evening air. You take a breath as you come up next to him. 
“Sorry, it’s... a good opportunity.” 
“No...” he drones, “I’m happy for you. I just... I can’t imagine my wedding without you. Or my life.” He lifts his head to look at you. “What am I going to do? You’re supposed to tell me what bowtie to wear and how to do my hair.” 
“Peggy can do all that,” you cross your arms, “Steve, I can’t pass this up. If I stay in the city...” you let your voice trail off into the wind. If you stay, you’ll have to watch his happily ever after while yours never comes. “I’ll never do anything.” 
“I know,” he dips his head again, “I’m proud of you. Really. But I’m going to miss you.” 
Your cheeks tauten and your throat clenches. Your voice is creaky as you speak, “I’ll miss you too.”  
He’ll miss you but he’ll never love you like you do him. 
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sammis-svsss-brainrot · 6 months ago
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Theoretically if I were to host an event in which the Scum Villain Fandom tried to write PIDW would people be interested?
I discussed this with my good friend @spaced-out-scribbles a while back but here few details that I have in my head, please stop me if someone has already done something like this before
As we all know PIDW, written by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, was the source material that Shen Yuan transmigrates into
So wouldn't it be funny to have a "canon" source material for people to reference?
Step 1 would be to compile every reference to PIDW in SVSSS to figure out how long Binghe's white lotus arc lasted and how long actual plot occured before it devolved into shitty smut
Step 2 would be to compile a list of fic writers and maybe artists perhaps that would be interested in recreating PIDW based off of the information occuring in Step 1
A discord server is put together with everyone interested in this project
There could maybe be a list of people assigned to each referenced arc that would maybe hold applications the way that a zine would perhaps? With people applying to write specific portions of PIDW if they wanted to write the marriage of a specific wife or a portion of a specific arc
And anyone else that wanted to participate is assigned a random wife number and told to go wild with the longest, shittiest description of how Luo Bingge was a total stallion lead, and married his new wife of the week
All of these fics and/or accompanying art are submitted to a GIANT ao3 collection (bonus points if everyone involved creates a pseud that's named as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky for this project) and with everyone's contributions all put together you get a semblance of what PIDW would have looked like
Bonus points if no one else has any idea what happened in a previous wife plot, so the story is not at all coherent towards the later chapters, because I fully believe Airplane had no idea what the fuck he's written before as he got to the end of PIDW
Someone is assigned to write the final shitty ending that made Shen Yuan so mad he died and transmigrated
If anyone wants to contribute to PIDW after the project, the collection could remain open but moderated to make sure chapter numbers/wife numbers stay consistent and that's about it
Obviously this would be a huge project to wrangle and would need a lot of people involved to actually make it work and take a lot of time, so if this is something people are actually interested in, it would more than likely not be able to come to fruition until the start of 2025 at the absolute earliest with all the prep work it would take to get a project like this accomplished but I thought I'd throw it out there to see if people would be interested, so reblog to spread the word if this is something you'd like to see!
Once again, if someone has already done something like this please let me know, I've only been in this fandom for like a year and a half so I'm aware that a lot of fandom events have occured before my time in the fandom
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godmadeaterribleerror · 3 months ago
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Chapter 7 - The Blinding Ultra-Violence
Series Masterlist
Author's Note: Can y’all please let me know if the long chapters are harder to digest? Because I love writing them, but if they actively impair enjoyment of the story I can start to cut them in half. Chapter Title from DEVIL by Shinedown.
Word Count: 13k
Chapter Summary/Warnings: Everyone has a lesson in actions and their subsequent consequences. Emphasis on mental health issues warning for the chapter: specifically suicidal ideation and PTSD.
Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, fluff, angst
Read on A03!
Chapter 6 - Chapter 8
Taglist: @lordofthunderthr @kritara @sukunassfinger, @justiceforquentin @acciditties
@c1gs-coffee @manicjk
Want to be tagged? Just ask!
Free will was cruel, and you had some choice words for whatever had given it to you. "Words,” meaning several unspeakable acts of violence, a wide variety of cuss words and vulgar phrases that would leave even Ben agape, and at least one loud, feral scream.
Free will had allowed you to attend a fancy party at Vought, a party that put you in a silk dress and winged eyeliner with glossy lips. Free will had let you do one, two, three shots and gotten you tipsy enough that when the elegant woman with strawberry hair had asked if anyone wanted to sing on stage, asked the crowd if there was at least one guest who wasn’t tone deaf and could do a passible rendition of Moon River, you’d raised your hand. Free will had made you not do a fourth shot, so that when you started to sing you didn’t stumble around the stage, missing notes and embarrassing yourself, but had put on a perfect show, singing and swaying in time to the music.
Later, you had learned that the woman with the strawberry hair had been killed later that night, and Free will had allowed you to feel sorry about it. Free will had you visit her grave in the dead of night in a thunderstorm, and let you sing Moon River one last time.
Free will had allowed you to cave when Butcher and the Boys had found you in a different graveyard, only a month later. Free will let you stick with them all the way to the barn. Free will was what had you coming up with very, very stupid plans.
Not this plan, though. You loved this plan. You loved this plan enough that you hadn’t waited even a half hour after thinking of it to call Butcher, or two minutes after Butcher had screened your call to turn around and call MM instead.
“What’s wrong?” MM had picked up after two rings, and you could almost see his worried frown with his words. “Did Soldier Boy-“
“Ben’s in the living room yelling at a documentary about World War II.” You’d dismissed. “He likes to point out all the alleged inaccuracies. I have a plan, I need everyone here by tonight.”
“Uh,” MM said your name apprehensively. “I don’t think that’ll really work.”
“Look, I know everyone’s probably still freaked out about last night, but this is really important-“
“No, that’s not it. We’re fine. Butcher’s still being a fucking ass about it, but everyone else- Hey!” MM had yelled away from the receiver as something banged in the background, accompanied by muffled shouts.
“Uh, MM?” You’d frowned. “Where are you?”
“Ohio.”
“Ohi- why are you in fucking Ohio?”
“Soldier Boy’s shield is here. Turns out it’s been so motherfucking difficult to get because Vought has their hands on it, and they’ve been keeping it in a warehouse in Akron.”
“I thought it had been flown from Jacksonville, with the suit?”
“Nope. Akron. We didn’t know until a few days ago, even Mallory thought it was just waiting in cargo at JFK.”
You’d glanced down the hall to make sure Ben hadn’t heard that his shield was in Ohio, a state he’d once called “America’s shitstained taint” while watching a football game. You heard him shout “fucking commies didn’t do goddamn shit about the Nazi’s, fuck off!” And decided you were in the clear.
“When do you think you’ll be done?” You’d asked, keeping one ear open in case Ben decided to stop fighting with Ken Burns’ voice and join you in the kitchen.
“If Butcher keeps it together and nobody sees Annie and tips off Vought? Tomorrow night.” MM had answered tensely.
“Ok, come right here when you get back. Like I said, I've got a plan, but it’s time sensitive.” You gone to hang up, but paused with your finger over the button. “Don’t die.” You’d added, and heard MM’s grunted acknowledgment just before the call dropped.
Somehow they’d managed to meet MM’s prediction, and all returned in one piece. The team had stood awkwardly in the kitchen—almost everyone avoiding full eye contact with you despite MM’s claim of everything being fine—as you and Ben had sat at the counter, Ben making a mediocre effort to fake some sort of hospitality per your request.
“Thanks to Ashley,” you’d started. “We know Sage told Homelander that I’m in New York and Ben’s awake.”
“Yeah, we’re really sorry about that.” Annie had said your name apologetically. “We should’ve been more careful-“
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” You’d cut her off, giving Ben’s shin a swift kick behind the counter before he could’ve said anything, his disbelieving scorn at your statement running through where your arms were brushing. “And we can use this.”
“Use what?” Hughie had frowned, and you’d continued.
“They haven’t told anyone else about it. We weren’t even sure they knew until Ashley told us. I’m not anticipating them to start alerting the media about me anytime soon, but they should’ve announced that America’s number one traitor is back from the dead and out to attack the innocent.”
“Fucking rude.” Ben grumbled, and a surprisingly bruised feeling ran through you. “All I do is help you, Sunshine, and that’s how you fucking thank me?”
You gave him a quick, half-apologetic, half-annoyed look. I’m being sardonic for arguments sake, and you know it. He’d just rolled his eyes, returning his attention to the mozzarella sticks you’d heated up before the Boys arrived.
“But they haven’t done that,” you’d continued, giving Ben one last dirty look. “Which means-“
“They’re saving it for something.” Annie had finished your sentence with a thoughtful frown.
“Exactly. Sage has some sort of plan, some dramatic and complicated way to fear monger people, turn everyone against Starlight by saying you released Soldier Boy, and have been risking public safety by letting him run rampant for your own anti-American reasons.”
“You want to get ahead of it.” MM had said, eyes narrowed.
You’d nodded, and shared your plan. Now, two days later, you were squished in the back of the van between Hughie—a well placed towel separating any physical contact—and Ben—who despite many protests was eating your burger—watching Firecracker and The Deep sing in a way that made you want to permanently remove your ears.
You visibly recoil as The Deep looks into the camera, and Ben looks up from eating to watch the video as it plays on Hughie’s laptop.
“Fish-boy sounds like a fucking constipated cowboy,” Ben mutters through a mouthful of food.
You hum in agreement. “You even sounded better on your stupid Rapture video.”
Ben scowls, taking another large bite that muffles his words. “I was fucking fantastic in that.”
“You were certainly, technically, singing.” You look up at him with a grin. “With all the passion of a dying squid giving one last, mighty squirt.”
“I don’t ’squirt’, Sunshine.” Ben grumbles, and you can see the moment every filthy thing he could say pops into his head. He takes a rough swallow, mouth opening to say something that will undoubtedly make Hughie regret volunteering to stay in the van, and you cut him off.
“Before you say anything, keep in mind that is still my burger, meaning I have every right to take it back and shove it right up your ass.”
Ben glowers at you, taking another aggressively large bite. “Bitch.” He grunts, and a piece of lettuce falls fully out of his mouth. Though you can feel his dirty look in your direction, you can also feel a spark of amusement run from where your knees are touching into your chest.
“Cunt.” You pick the lettuce off his lap and throw it into his face. “You eat like a squid too.”
“The only thing that me and squids have in common is our giant-“
“Okay!” Hughie shouts, pausing the video. “Soldier Boy, can you please not say something sexual for like, fuck, ten minutes?”
Ben doesn’t respond, invested completely in the burger, and you elbow him in the ribs.
He gives a loud cough, little bits of meat spurting out of his mouth. “What the fuck?!” When you incline your head to Hughie, Ben rolls his eyes and offers Hughie a grunted, “Fuckin hell- fine, you pussy.”
“Oh, ok.” Hughie blinks at Ben nervously before fumbling to unpause the video.
As the laptop catches up with the live feed, jumping to Firecracker bouncing over-excitedly around the now empty stage, Ben leans over you to get a good look at the screen.
“That’s her?”
“Yep.” You give the screen a glare. “Crazy brown-nosing bitch.”
Hughie lets out a noise of agreement, and Ben snorts. After another minute, in which Firecracker manages to say a record twenty-two objectively wrong things in a row, Ben grunts in annoyance.
“When I was at Vought, we had real goddamn talent, not whatever the fuck this is.”
“I know, in the 80s they managed to book a Pretty Boy squid who could kind of sing.”
Lettuce hits you in the face, and you let out a sputtering string of profanities.
“I can more than kind of sing, Sunshine. I have the voice of a goddamn angel. And that song didn’t make any fucking sense, I fucking blew it out of the fucking water- what the fucks so funny?”
“Nothing!” You try and smother the giggles that had built in you as he’d devolved into rambling ire. “You’re way angrier about this than I thought you’d be.”
“I’m not fucking angry-“
“I can feel it, Ben.” You press your leg further against his in reminder. “And even if I couldn’t, you just said ‘fuck’ so many times.”
“I’m not a damn pussy, I’ll swear as much as I fucking please-“ Ben falters slightly as the word slips out once more, and you grin at him.
“When you’re angry, every other word out of your mouth is ‘fuck’. It’s actually really funny.“
“I’m glad it’s amusing for you.” He’s glaring at you, but you can feel the rapid ebbing of his anger through your body.
“It is.” You shrug, and attempt an olive branch. “So was the Rapture video. I used to watch it all the time.”
“Really?” At your words, he’s suddenly giving a toothy, egotistical grin. “What, did you have a crush on me?”
“No,” You mirror his grin, even as you feel your cheeks heat and hear your sister’s teasing in your ear. “It was just really funny.”
He scoffs. “Like you could’ve done it any damn better.”
“Oh, I know I couldn’t have. I sing like a horse who chain smokes.” The lie slips through your teeth with practiced ease. “But nobody would be paying me whatever digusting amout they payed you.”
"Joke's on you, Sunshine. I bought a house with that money."
"Hm," you give him a toothy smile. "I think that makes the joke on Vought."
“I liked your dancing,” Hughie offers weakly. “It was… interesting.”
“See, Cocksucker gets it.” Ben says smugly, giving you a nudge as his attention refocuses on the video.
“That’s, that’s not my name…” Hughie sighs, and you offer him an apologetic, close-lipped smile.
Still leaning over you, Ben takes another bite of the burger as he watches Firecracker. “She’s got good tits,” he observes, and you tilt your head to look at him incredulously. “What?! She does!”
“You didn’t even last,” you look at the clock on Hughie’s laptop. “Five minutes.”
“That’s bullshit, I always last more than five minutes- Hey!”
You manage to fit the entire remaining burger into your mouth a once, chewing frantically before he can try and take it back from you. You give him a smug look. I warned you, Pretty Boy.
He narrows his eyes at you. I’ll make you fucking regret that, Sunshine.
You swallow, his promise of regret already catching up to you from the large bite as the food aches down your throat, and push Ben until he’s fully in his seat. “Her tits better not be nice enough that you decide to blow the mission.”
“Don’t worry, Sunshine, yours are better.” He ignores your venomous look. “And she’s with Homelander. Even the best fucking tits in the world couldn’t make up for choosing that pussy.” His eyes narrow at the screen. “I should just fucking go now, it’s been the same stupid shit for a damn hour.”
“No!” Hughie’s arm shoots out to hold him in his seat, before thinking better and pulling back just as fast. “No, they’re almost ready, please, can we just wait until they’re ready?”
Ben shoots you a look of questioning annoyance. I could just fucking go. Cocksucker couldn’t stop me, and we could all be fucking done and go home early.
No. We’re sticking to the plan. You glare back.
He rolls his eyes. Fucking stupid plan if it takes ten goddamn hours to set up.
You stick your tongue out at him, and turn back to Hughie. “Have they sent any updates? At least gotten the stage passes?”
“They aren’t supposed to check in for another three minutes.” Hughie shakes his head. “And MM’s still working on the stage passes. They’re $350 for some fucking reason.”
“I don’t need a stage pass.” Ben grumbles. “I could just walk in if you would give me the suit, none of those pussies would stop me.”
“The whole point is that you don’t have the suit. But…” You trail off, frowning to yourself. “Hughie, Ben might be right about the stage pass.”
Ben makes a satisfied “Ha!” as Hughie gives you a wide-eyed stare.
“But they can’t know he’s working with-“
“Butcher and Starlight, yeah, I know, it's my plan. But the whole idea is that he’s rogue. Soldier Boy, back from the dead once more, loose on the streets of Manhattan with no adult supervision.” You sweep your hand in a mock headline gesture, and pretend you can’t feel Ben’s indignance. “A real rogue hundred year old terrorist would not have a credit score that lets him buy Vought’s super-diamond-truther backstage pass.”
“So I can have my fucking suit-“
“No,” you snap, and Ben scowls. “That defeats the point even more than the stage pass. Your suit is known government property. It was being kept in a high-security warehouse in Florida. It would be really fucking suspicious if you were wearing it.”
“They were keeping my suit in Florida?!” Ben’s face coils in disgust. “Was my fucking shield in Florida too?! Fuck, is it still fucking there?! In goddamn, sweat-stained-“
“No, apparently Vought was keeping your shield in Ohio.”
“Fucking Ohio?!”
“This doesn’t really seem like it’s about the mission anymore,” Hughie says nervously.
“It’s not, it’s about you fucking dumbass cum guzzlers keeping my shit in goddamn Florida and Ohio- Fuck!”
You give Ben a warning glare, fingers still smoking, as he rubs his arm. “They survived it, and maybe if you put on your big boy pants you’ll manage to as well. Now-“ You turn to Hughie. “You should tell MM that we don’t need the stage pass before he spends a disgusting amount of money on it.”
As Hughie takes out his phone, closing his laptop and standing to cross the van for some semblance of privacy, Ben nudges you with a grunt of your name.
“I don’t like this.” He’s frowning at nothing in particular, and you can feel tight, solid concern through your body. “It’s too fucking public.”
You wrinkle your brow at him, eyes narrowing. “Since when do you give a shit how ‘public’ a mission is?”
“Since it’s a fucking liability. Too fucking public means too many fucking people that even I won’t be able to control.”
“That’s the point-“
“I fucking know ‘that’s the point’, Sunshine, you’ve made that real fucking clear.” Ben grunts, giving you an odd look as his tight feeling grows in your chest. “Doesn’t mean I have to like this fucking dumb plan.”
“Well,” you shrug. “I love it. It’s going to work, you’ll admit I’m a goddamn genius, and maybe Firecracker will start crying like a baby.”
Ben snorts, and a jab of his amusement hits you. But before he can make any snide comments, Hughie hangs up his call with MM and returns to where you and Ben are pressed against the wall of the van.
“Well, MM’s really not happy about it, but he agrees it’s smarter not to do the pass.” Hughie sighs. “And he says that Butcher’s on his way to get us. He should be here in five.”
You nod, turning to Ben with narrow eyes. “Repeat the plan to me.”
He rolls his eyes. “What, don’t you trust me, Sunshine?”
“To retain vital information about my plan that you’ve called ‘fucking stupid’ numerous times? Absolutely not.”
“It is fucking stupid.” He grunts.
You sigh. “Please, Ben. Humor me and pretend you give a shit for one minute.”
Ben’s leg tenses against yours, and something falters along your ribs. He scowls as he speaks in terse, clipped words.
“Get on the stage, make sure the cameras see me, neutralize that Firecracker broad, and beat her up, but don’t kill her for some fucking reason.” The last part is muttered resentfully, and you chose to pretend you don’t hear it.
“And then?” You prompt.
“Break the cameras, find you, and get back here.” He grumbles.
You nod in approval. “You have to make sure you break the cameras, Ben. Frenchie’s going to make sure that all the phones get fried, but you need to break the cameras. There can’t be any evidence you’re not working alone.”
Ben rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I fucking got it. Kill the bitch, break the cameras.”
“Do not kill Firecracker!” Hughie says frantically, giving you a desperate look and saying your name in a pleading tone. “Please don’t let him kill her.”
You elbow Ben in the gut as you respond. “He knows, he’s just being a fucking dick about it.”
“Fuck off, Sunshine,” he mutters. “And you should let me kill her. She’s not fucking innocent, she’s a goddamn lying bitch.”
“Nope. No killing her.” You say firmly, crossing your arms. “You only get to beat her up because we need to sell the whole ‘out for revenge’ narrative. That’s-“
“The point.” Ben finishes your sentence mockingly. “I fucking got it, Sunshine.”
You kick him again. “So prove it, Pretty Boy. No killing Firecracker.”
“What if she tries to attack me? I should be allowed to fucking defend myself-“
You snort. “Her power is being a dogshit human sparkler. Her attacking you would feel like this.” You poke Ben’s arm, and he frowns.
“I thought she was a fucking fire supe. Like you.”
“I mean, yeah. She technically is. But not all fire supes can have massive fucking horse cocks like mine.”
Hughie lets out a chocking sputter, and Ben rumbles a loud laugh that makes your stomach feel soft and warm. You’re saved from dwelling on how the feeling lingers, starting to spread through your body in time with an easy delighted, sensation that’s not yours, by the opening of the van door.
“Am I bloody interrupting something?” Butcher’s dry voice is raised over Ben’s laughter, an angry and wired frown across his face. “Or can we all stop jerking each other off and do our fuckin jobs?”
“Pull the damn stick out of your ass, Butcher.” Ben rolls his eyes. “We’re not the pussies who took a year to do recon on three fucking blocks.”
"Well, someone has to make sure you don’t blow your load all over a bunch of innocent civilians again.” Butcher sneers, and Ben’s fists curl at his sides.
“I have it under control, you fucking-“
“Butcher,” you interject, feeling something hot and bloody in Ben’s chest start to grow. “We’re ready?”
Not taking his eyes off of Ben, Butcher grunts. “We’ve been ready, Love. We’re just waiting on you bloody cunts.”
“Then let’s go.” You start to stand but have barely moved from your seat when Ben’s hands are on you, holding you in place.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Ben glares at you, and you feel that weird, tight concern along your skin again.
“On the mission, dumbass.” You snap, trying to pry his grip off of your thigh.
“No.” His hand doesn’t move, and the tight feeling grows. “Too fucking risky.”
“It’s my plan, Ben. Did you seriously think I was going to stay in the fucking van?”
He ignores you, turning to where Hughie and Butcher are watching the exchange, Hughie wide-eyed and Butcher scowling impatiently. “Tell her she’s fucking staying here with Cocksucker.”
“No can do, Mate. She goes where you go.” Butcher gives Ben a mocking grin, and another weird feeling writhes in your—Ben’s—gut.
“We’re right in front of fucking Vought, there’s going to be a shit ton of cameras-Fucking hell!” Ben’s hand jerks off of you, smoking and red.
“I’m a grown ass woman, Ben.” You hiss. “I know what I’m walking into, and I know what the risks are. And seeing as you somehow forgot, I’m in charge of you. I go where you go, and that’s not up for fucking debate. I can, I will handle my goddamn self.”
“Trust me, Sunshine, I know you can.” He says, facing his still-raw palm to you. “Doesn’t mean you have to fucking risk yourself for this bullshit-“
“It’s my fucking job!” You burst out. “The whole ‘find me’ part of the plan requires me to be in the fucking crowd, not sitting on my ass with Hughie!”
“What if fucking Homelander’s there? Then what?”
A painful ardor kicks up in your lungs. “He won’t be.”
“You fucking sure about that?” Ben’s voice is dripping with unconvinced cynicism.
“Why are you being so weird about this? It’s not like-“
Butcher gives an overdramatic cough over your words. “Oi, Bonnie and Clyde. I’d let you two fuck it out, but we’re on a bloody tight schedule. She’s coming, that’s that. Now get off your arses and let’s fucking move.”
“Shut the fuck up, you pussy. We’re not done with our fucking conversation.”
“Yes, we are.” You stand up, walking across the van. “Hughie, wait a bit until we’re out of the alley, then send Ben out. Ben,” you raise your hand, dropping fingers one by one as you run through the plan. “Get on stage, blast Firecracker, give her a few light punches, break the cameras, and find me. No casualties.”
“Maybe sprout some anti-patriot shit as well, Gov.” Butcher adds. “Really bloody sell it.”
You shake your head, giving Butcher an exasperated look. “No, we don’t know what Firecracker might say. What Homelander and Sage have told her. In, violent, and out. That’s it.”
You look back at Ben with a steel gaze, to find a glower of his face you’ve never seen before. His whole body is rigid, jaw clenched, mouth in a dropped scowl as his eyes burn through you. He’s looking at you in a way you aren’t able to read, but you feel like he wants you to. Everything about his face screams that you should be able to understand it, but you can’t.
“You’re, you're leaving me here with him?” Hughie’s voice is unsteady, and when you remove your eyes from Ben you find his face has grown pale.
“It’s only a few bleedin’ seconds, Lass. He don’t bite, don’t he?” Butcher gives Ben a cocky smirk.
“Fucking watch yourself, Butcher, I’ll crack your weak fucking skull and not break a sweat.” Ben snarls, eyes still on you.
Butcher scoffs, a taunting jeer in his voice. "No, you won’t. You don’t want to upset Sunshine.”
Ben’s eyes rip from you as he stands up at a freighting speed, body tense and fists clenched as he reaches his full height. For a second, you think you might have to interfere and prevent Butcher’s life from finding a brutal and inconvenient end in the alleyway, but Ben just gives him a violent, twisted growl.
“Count your fucking blessings that I have a job to do, you pussy. And sleep with one fucking eye open, because once this is over, I’m going to drown you in your own blood.”
Butcher gives him a mocking wink and turns to walk down the alley, leaving you scramble after him.
Before you’re fully out of the van, you turn and give Ben one last look. “No casualties.” You say, and almost against your will, your face draws into a look of and stay safe.
You don’t have time to read his face before you jog after Butcher, but the last thing you see of Ben is his arms still braced at his side, his eyes on yours with an almost feral look.
You catch up to Butcher right at the end of the ally, running face-first into his arm when he holds it out, halted before stepping onto the main street.
“Fucking ow, Butcher.” You rub your face where you’d collided, and over your fingers you barely have time to register the Noir baseball cap and jacket flying at your face, managing to catch them against your chest at the last second.
“Put them on.” Butcher says, and looking over the merchandise you see him leaning out the ally, watching the flowing crowds of pedestrians. People clad in red and blue Firecracker costumes and costume adjacect outfits, a few less in dark greens and Deep trademarked Love the Ocean like the Earth and Fish and Man are One shirts, and exactly one, a bouncing little girl with a tutu and big eyes, wearing a Homelander cape.
You look back down at the cap and jacket—which is a few sizes too big—and realize both were made by Uought International, and that Noir has been spelled as Noire. Looking up, you see that Butcher has pulled a Quen Maeve sweatshirt over his shirt, and is wearing green-tinted sunglasses that have little, blue Soldier Boy brand symbols along the frame.
“You shouldn’t wear those,” you point to your nose, mirroring where the sunglasses sit on Butcher’s face.
“Why, Love, you want them so you can feel close to Ben?” He mocks, and you roll your eyes.
“No, dumbass. Right now Soldier Boy is a dead American traitor who’s going to rise from the dead and commit an act of terrorism in like, seven minutes. It’s not smart to wear anything associated with him to ‘blend in’, especially if you’re pairing it with an off brand shirt of the woman who sacrificed herself to save the world from him.”
“You know just as bloody as well as me that Maeve is picking dandelions in California.”
“Yeah, and Soldier Boy isn’t dead, he’s in the van, probably trying to blackmail Hughie into buying him drugs. The internet is a liar sometimes.”
Butcher pulls off the sunglasses with a scowl and a dirty look in your direction before dropping them on your Noire jacket. “Put on your clothes so we can get a fucking move on. We wanna get outta here before Soldier Boy sees you and carries you back to the bloody van.”
You wrinkle your nose at him and pretend you don’t hear the questioning contempt of his voice, shoving the sunglasses into your back pocket before you pull on the jacket. You give Butcher a nod and step out into the current of the street.
The walk to Firecracker’s stage is silent, both you and Butcher angling your heads down from the crowd, down from the blue, cloudless sky and anyone who may be in it. The sun beats down a warmth that is only offset by the biting of the wind, and Firecracker’s voice, projected by speakers to carry over the horns and shouts of the city, starts to claw into your head.
“Patriots, are you ready to know the truth about Starlight and how she’s been kidnapping and trafficking your innocent babies?!” Her voice has the same southern drawl you’ve heard on TV, her bubbly tone in stark contrast to her words. “We’re lucky we have Homelander lookin out for us, keepin us safe, otherwise Starlight might try to take us too!”
You drop your head further, some fearful part of your brain telling you that Homelander might hear his name from the Tower and decide to make an appearance.
Fucking risky, Ben’s voice says in your head, and suddenly you can see him in your head, that strange, angered and piercing face watching you. What if fucking Homelander’s there, Sunshine? Then what? You’ll freeze up, and I won’t be there to help.
I’ll manage, you snap back at his voice, and can almost hear his scoff.
You’ll start crying and wish I was there. You wish I was there right now. You hate that you’re walking with Butcher, who’s probably going to try and kill you instead of me.
Butcher won’t kill me. He can’t.
Never stopped him from trying before. I wouldn’t let him, Sunshine.
I’m stronger than Butcher. I’m stronger than you. I’m stronger than fucking Homelander. I don’t need your help.
But you fucking want it.
“No, I don’t!” You hiss, and only realize you’ve spoken aloud when the words come out strained, caught on a lump that has formed in our throat.
You hear Butcher snort from your side. “Who the bloody hell are you talking to?”
“No one,” you mumble, feeling your face heat as you feel his disbelieving look.
“If you’re going to lose your damn mind and go all mental, you can wait until all this is done? Would be real bloody inconvenient to have to kill you ahead of schedule.”
“Not funny.” You mutter, and are saved from Butcher’s response by arriving at the crowd, stopping next to where MM watches the show in an A-Trane shirt.
“He behind you?” MM says by way of greeting, voice barely raised over the children’s choir rendition of God Bless the USA, complete with trumpet and string accompaniment.
“Should be,” Butcher looks over the heads of the audience, scanning for something that he doesn’t seem to find. “Frenchie gonna be ready when Soldier Boy gets here?”
“Kimiko got them up on a roof across the street, and Annie will get him the electricity he needs when it happens.”
You glance behind you, hoping that Hughie can manage to keep Ben in the van a few minutes more. “We should move,” you say, turning back to MM. “We don’t want to be anywhere near the path to the stage.”
MM nods and begins to lead you and Butcher deeper into the crowd, weaving through the frenzied cheers and whoops as the choir walks off the stage. You stop at the edge of the crowd, off to side enough to avoid any crossfire, but with Firecracker still in a clear line of sight.
She’s staring down the camera, her toothy and smug smile projected on a Jumbotron as she speaks. “I don’t know about y’all, but I think Starlight should come down here and tell us why! Why she won’t show us any proof of her claims that Homelander is a murderer! When, need I remind y’all, Homelander was found innocent! Has Starlight been found innocent?” You watch her cup her ear, listening for the crowds shouted responses.
“Jesus Christ, she has to know this is bullshit, right?” You mutter to yourself, and MM chuckles beside you.
“As far as I can tell, she really believes all the bullshit she’s saying.” He says with a shake of his head. “She got this job cause her head was up Homelander’s ass for free, she ain’t gonna pull it out now that Vought’s paying.”
You hum, looking up at the sky nervously. “MM, has Hughie texted that Ben-“
You’re cut off as screams sound from down the street, and your head shoots to where you had just stood, watching as the crowd beings to franticly part for something you can’t yet see. Butcher and MM are stiff beside you, Butcher’s gun already in his hand as MM’s lingers at his hip. Firecracker’s voice has faltered through the speakers, her eyes wide and face slack on the Jumbotron. The feeling in you, the ardor against your spine and clawing at your skin, begins, and you try not to watch the sky. The sun is bright and there are no city lights, the only thing you can hear is the terrified people, but Homelander’s not here, so you’ll be fine.
The feeling is in your blood and gut, but you’ll be fine.
You’ll be fine.
Are you sure about that? Ben’s voice says in your head.
Shut up. You tell it, just as Firecracker lets out a shrill sound that echos down the streets.
You look up and find Ben has gotten to the foot of the stage, only his side profile visible to you. Firecracker has a shaking finger pointing at him, her mouth agape as she watches him walk closer, closer, closer. You hadn’t been sure what to expect once it began. For Firecracker to scream, beg, cry, fight, run, or collapse once it became that her life was gone from her hands. Of all the scenarios you’d traced, all the outcomes with more blood, less blood, more scream or quick silence, you hadn’t thought she start to laugh. Doubled over, cackling glee, tears in her eyes visible on the Jumbotron.
“Well, look here, folks! No need to be afraid, it’s going to be just fine! Soldier Boy here’s a guest, and he’s going to tell us all about how Starlight tricked him and forced him to fake his death!”
You watch Ben freeze on stage, and the Jumbotron begins to broadcast his tight, angered face to the steadily regrouping audience.
“Fuck,” MM breathes out. “They’re going to flip him.”
Butcher says your name roughly. “You need to get there, get him in bloody line. We can’t have him running off with Vought.”
You need to move. Every part of you is screaming that you need to go, go, get there and remind Ben that you’re watching and keeping him in check. But you can’t, frozen as you watch his movements on the Jumbotron, trying to keep control when your blood has run cold, and every breath you take is caught against that lump in your throat. You can’t move, and all you can do is watch him on stage, eyes scanning the crowd as he watches them look at him in awe.
Then your falling forward, barely managing to catch your footing before your knees hit the pavement, turning to see MM on the phone speaking in a commanding, measured tone, and Butcher reaching forward to push you once more. You take another, smoother step back before he can, but you don’t wait for him to bark an order for you to go. You turn back to the crowd with the bass of the speakers barely drowning feeling, trying to weave without touching anyone as it grows and grows.
You’re at the base of the stage now, and before you can start to figure out a subtle way to alert him, his eyes lock with yours.
What the fuck is happening. His gaze asks at it runs through you, his body turned as though he may start to move in your direction, and Firecracker's voice rings the air.
“Lovely, you brought her too!” Both you and Ben turn to where she stands, smiling and looking at you. “Our very special guest, The Anomaly!”
Your blood isn’t cold. It’s burning, everything is burning inside of you, scraping to get out. But there are people moving around you now, people everywhere, and someone is nudging you forwards to the stage until a smiling face is pulling you up and moving you right next to Ben. It’s so bright, and you’re burning, and when you turn your head out to the crowd, you see yourself. Up on the Jumbotron. And there are cameras. Cameras everywhere. Cameras that are following your movements as Firecracker speaks.
“I know ya’ll don’t recognize her, she hasn’t been around for as long as this patriot!” Your eyes tear from the screen just in time to see Firecracker playfully slap Ben’s arm, to watch his whole body go rigid as she did. “But she’s a real good friend, and she and Homelander go way back!”
You’re cold again. Cold and angry and sharp. Everything is sharp again, the faces of the audience are clear, and Firecracker’s words are no longer miles away. No, she’s right in front of you with a wide smile of teeth, and you can hear drums.
Drums.
You look down, and your foot is bumped against Ben’s. His eyes aren’t watching you anymore, fixed on Firecracker, but everything sharp in him, in you, is pointed at her.
“If fact,” Firecracker has turned back to the crowd, hands placed over her heart with a simpering face. “She and Homelander? Well they were childhood sweethearts! Supes, raised together, only having each other. And when Homelander went off to become our great hero, she stepped away from the spotlight.” Firecracker takes a large step back, turning back to you. “She didn’t want the fame. She just wanted him!”
A chorus of sickly sweet awwws ripples through the crowd, and the feeling is behind your eyes.
“Homelander was, is, the love of her life. Which is why, when Starlight and her team of devil-worshippers came to kill her, The Anomaly fought with all she had to stop them.”
It’s under your nails.
“She wasn’t strong enough, though, and they dragged her away from where Homelander had been keeping her safe to let her bleed out, far away from the man she loved.”
It’s on your teeth.
“Love that kept her alive, love that made her find another who had been wronged, another who would do anything for Homelander-“
Firecracker makes a gesturing sweep to Ben, and the world begins to blur.
“Soldier Boy! And now they’re here, to reunite with their lover, their son, and have the happy endings they deserve!”
The feeling is everywhere. Ben is pressed closely against you, and the drums are in your ribs. Firecracker is still smiling and her teeth are so white. The crowd is cheering and whooping and you’re going to crack-
Something smashes off the stage, and Firecracker’s smile drops. You make yourself follow her gaze, the movement like moving through mud, and see smashed cameras at MM’s feet. Gunshots ring out, and something above you shatters as Butcher appears, gun raised.
Firecracker’s face has contorted, cheery persona vaporized and she starts to shout in a furious wail.
“No! My cameras! My show- Do you have any idea how hard that speech was to memorize?! I worked so hard, and you ruined it you fucking-“
She flys across the stage, Ben taking large, violent strides to where she lands with a crack. You can see her fear when she looks up to where he stops above her, the light growing in his chest.
“Help!” She screams, looking around at the stage audience and tech workers. “He’s- he’s fucking crazy, he’s going to kill me! Someone- someone fucking stop him!”
The stage audience.
The tech workers.
You’re running. Words aren’t fast enough, and Ben’s too far gone for them anyway. You are, though. You’re flying, tearing across the stage and throwing yourself against Ben. He falls to the ground, the light still building, and twists to try and throw you off of him, his eyes so deep into himself you don’t think he knows it’s you.
Pressed against him, you can only feel the drums, and you brace yourself as the light in him explodes.
It’s painful. A blinding and unforgiving pain that sears through your body. Numbness follows behind it though, fast and empty relief, and when your eyes can see once more Ben is watching you with horror across every feature.
He looks like he’s going to roar at you, tear into and across you. You can feel fury and something deep into his chest that’s screaming.
Firecracker lets out a breathy, sobbing laugh from somewhere to your side, and even if nothing in him wavers, it saves you from whatever Ben was going to say.
“Shit, you're both pathetic. You can’t even take out one person?” Firecracker starts to pull herself up to her feet. “I don’t know why Homelander was so worried about y’all. You’re weak.” She reaches down, grabbing the back of your tattered Noire jacket and pulling you off of Ben. “I mean, I expected more from at least you, Soldier Boy. He looks up to you still, you know. Was so hopeful you’d flip. But,” she shakes her head sadly. “What a disappointment.”
You’re not sure how it happens, let alone where the energy comes from, but you twist in Firecracker’s hold and punch her square in the face. She drops her hold, stumbling back as her nose starts to fill with blood. You never hit the floor though, Ben’s arm looping around your waist as he draws himself upwards.
Everything is sharp and hungry anger that is driving in you—in Ben—to Firecracker. The thing in his chest is still clawing at him, and you can feel your own glacial fervor, but nothing is as strong as the hungry anger.
Firecracker doesn’t feel it though, the storm that's brewing. And she doesn’t know when to quit.
“You worthless bitch.” She sneers through her fingers, trying to plug the blood. “You frigid little whore.”
“Watch it.” Ben growls, arm tensing around your waist.
“Oh, fuck off, you fossil! She’s tricking you, sinking her little claws into her like she did Homelander, with her stupid little songs and dances!”
“Shut up,” the words don’t come out in the firm command you wanted. Your voice sounds pathetic, weak against your ears.
“Do you have any idea how fucking exhausting you’ve been?” Firecracker whines. “Everything was amazing until you came back. He was starting to trust me! And then Sage comes back, accuses Homelander of lyin to her, and says you’re alive. And all of a sudden that’s all that fucking matters! He’s just angry and hurt and it’s so annoying.”
The world is less focused.
“I’ve heard Moon River so many fucking times this week, it makes my skin fucking crawl. I don’t even get it! What can you do that I can’t? I want him, you don’t even care to stick around-“
Nothing is in focus. It’s only Firecracker, her voice, and the feeling.
“I love him, I am perfect for him, I am blessed and chosen and you’re just a lonely little stuck up slut who didn’t even wait after leaving him and everything he did for you-“
Her teeth are so white and you don't think you can breathe.
“Everything he gave you-“
You can feel ghosts of the pain, see the bright light as they push the fire into you. Can feel it now, trying to get out.
“To turn around and spread your fucking whore legs!”
Something in you snaps. Cracks, echoes through your body, and explodes. You’re everywhere, the fire bleeding from you. You can’t see anything but the white room around you, and you have to get out. So you let everything go. It’s just you and the fire, cocooning around you and keeping you safe.
Just you and the fire and something else that is gripping around you. Something in your chest that is thrashing and trying to keep you close. It feels safe too, so you let it stay as everything else continues to burn.
A deep, roaring voice is calling your name. It sounds like the thing in your chest, and it reverberates through you as if it’s pressed against you. There are screams too, broken and raw screams, but you can’t see where they’re coming from, and they don’t feel safe like the voice.
The thing gripping around you feels heavier. It feels safer. There’s no city lights, you can’t even really remember what they might look like, but there’s music. Soft and deep in your ear, wrapping around you. Putting something out along your skin. You’re getting weak, and you feel cold.
You can’t stop. Something in your head tells you. You falter, and you’re back in the room.
But you’re so tired. The grip feels safe. And the music is settling into you and feels so good.
So when the world goes black, the last thing you feel is the thing in your chest reaching for you, and you could swear it breathes in relief.
————
He’d figured it out. The tapping. Firecracker had said Moon River, and he’d realized that was it. The rhythm of the verses matched that incessant tapping of Hers perfectly. He’d taken a fucking gamble, dragging the verses from somewhere deep in his brain as she’d been consumed by the fire, and it had paid off when She’d collapsed into him. The fire still lingered long after She closed her eyes, long after Ben stopped humming. Most of the stage was ash, from the hollowed, disgusting bodies of Firecracker and a few unfortunate audience members to the still flaming stage curtains.
Ben picked her up, and her eyes didn’t even flutter. Her body was still burning, and his hands protested in pain against her skin, but he bit down his pain with ease. Ben wasn’t a pussy, and he’d heal. This was more important.
A thought that had everything in him—except the feeling he’d been keeping in his gut that had somehow managed to crawl into his chest—very fucking irritated.
Ben turned, carrying Her off the stage to get her as far away from here as possible, only to find both MM and Butcher waiting, guns pointed right at his face.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He growled. They didn’t have any fucking time for these dramatics. As far as he fucking understood from Her explanations, all that shit show had just been broadcast through the fucking nation. Homelander was probably on his way, and Ben wouldn’t be able to do his fucking job and wipe the floor with that pussy if She was still unconscious and the stupid fucking thing in his chest was worried.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Gov.” Butcher jeered back. “We’re not letting you off that bloody easy.”
Ben glowered at him, and his desire to throw Butcher against the nearest concrete wall was only barely defeated by the godforsaken need to get Her somewhere safe. “We don’t have fucking time for this. Move out of my fucking way, or I’ll make you.”
“Take your best fucking shot, cunt.” Butcher taunted.
“Last fucking chance to get out of my way.” Ben could hear the hitch in both their hearts, uneven from the growing steadiness in Hers.
“We ain’t moving, Soldier Boy.” MM angled his gun higher. “And you’re not taking her.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, you fucking pussies!” Ben roared, whatever patience he’d managed to hold onto vanished. “Homelander is probably on his fucking way, and unless you want him to take her, we need to fucking leave right fucking now!”
Both men blink, Ben’s words hanging in the air just long enough that he was starting to get ready to just fucking push through them. He’d deal with Her anger about it later, when she was awake and they were far fucking away from cages and boxes.
But MM lowered his gun, narrowing his eyes at Ben. “You’re going to let us take you back to the safe house?” His voice had a tone of disbelief that Ben didn’t fucking appreciate.
“Fucking hell, yes. Now fucking move your dumb fucking asses before I change my fucking mind!”
MM looked over at Butcher, whose gun was still aimed at Ben’s head. “The kid’s bringing the van round?”
“He bloody should be.“ Butcher grunted, but didn’t move. “But that don’t mean shit, I ain’t trusting this cunt to go quietly.”
“I’m certainly not going to go quietly if you keep a fucking gun in my face.” Ben sneered. “I might not do jackshit to me, but it’s goddamn rude when I’m trying to fucking help.”
“Why should we trust that?” MM asked coldly, glancing down at Her in Ben’s arms. “This is your ticket out. You’re probably just going to kill us in the van while she’s still out.”
Ben fucking knew that, he wasn’t an fucking idiot. He could hear Her heartbeat, fully steady as sleep held her under, could feel the scalding heat of her body almost fully faded. When he glanced down at her face, it painted into an empty ease. But when he blinked, it would flash back to just before she’d burst. Afraid. Only pure terror on Her face as Firecracker screamed about Homelander.
She wasn’t going back there.
“I guess you’re going to have to take a fucking gamble.” Ben held MM’s stare. “Because you have five seconds to fucking move before I kill both you pussies and leave with her.”
Some part of Ben still managed to be surprised when they exchanged one last, tense look, MM’s eyes flaring at Butcher, who dropped his gun with an angry huff. When MM started to walk away, likely to where Cocksucker waited with the van, and Butcher only said, “Breathe one wrong breath, Soldier Boy, and I’ll put you right back under.”
Ben wanted to. He wanted to step just far out enough of line that he’d be justified in bashing Butcher’s smug, pussy fucking head against the curb. But he didn’t, just keeping Her in place against him until they were back at the safe house, glaring at the whole sorry fucking lot of Her team as they watched Ben hold Her in the corner. Her heartbeat stayed steady, and it kept the drum in him from bursting, aided by the thing in his chest settling back into him the more distance grew between Her and the stage, Vought Tower, and Homelander.
When they reached the safe house, Ben didn’t bother to pause, waiting only for Butcher to open the door, before he was moving through the hall in tight, bounding steps. Up the stairs, shoving the door to Her room open, laying her on the bed above her sheets. She let out a little sigh as he let her go, and Ben hated how it made the thing in his chest wake up. He had to get himself under fucking control. She was safe, he’d done what he fucking needed to, and he wasn’t about to be a goddamn creep and watch her sleep.
The seconds were starting to stretch though, as he watched Her, listened to the steady sound of her heart. She looked so fucking peaceful, and it was calming the thing in his chest.
Fuck, he didn’t like how easy it felt. Especially as she let out another small sigh, rolling over with an arm stretching out, and he wanted to touch her upturned palm. That realization snapped him out of whatever stupid fucking trance he’d been dragged into, and he managed to turn, walking towards the door.
Before he left though—practically against his will—he turned back just in time to hear another sigh and see Her body curl into the mattress.
“Sleep well, Sunshine.” He muttered and tried to ignore the last sigh released from her chest, and how if ran through him.
When Ben got down to the kitchen, goddamn fucking Cocksucker and Starlight were waiting for him.
“What are you cum guzzlers still fucking doing here?” He grumbled, pushing past them to get to the pantry.
“Is she ok?” Cocksucker asked, and Ben shrugged, grabbing a bag of half-eaten jerky from the top shelf.
“She’ll fucking live.” He ignored the flash of Her fearful face in his head, and how his grip on the bag turned to steel. “One of you better answer my goddamn question.”
“We need to talk to her,” Starlight said softly.
“Don’t hold your fucking breath, she’s out cold.” Ben snapped.
Starlight sighed. “We’ll wait.”
“No, you won’t.” Ben turned around to face her. “She needs to fucking rest.”
“Cocksucker look between Starlight and Ben nervously. “We need to make sure-“
“She did you a fucking favor.” Ben growled. “Firecracker’s not a problem anymore, and her stupid plan fucking worked.”
“She killed four people.” Starlight said tightly. “And after Ashley, we need to know that she’s still with us.”
“With you?” Ben scoffed, saying Her name in the same exasperated tone. “Her? You think she’s going to turn against you fucking pussies?”
“She’s- she’s been weird.” Cocksucker stuttered. “And you’ve gotten closer than we thought-“
“Fuck off.” Ben snorted. “I haven’t turned her, if that’s what your dumb little pea-brains think.”
“We’re not who you have to convince, Soldier Boy.” Starlight watched Ben with a frown. “I trust her. Hughie trusts her.”
“Then what the fuck-“
“Butcher,” Cocksucker said softly. “MM. Mallory. They’re worried she’s going to be a liability.”
“Then they can come fucking tell me their fucking selves.” Ben hissed. “Now get the fuck out.”
Starlight looked like she was going to push back, and Ben was ready to throw her through the door himself, but Cocksucker placed his hand on her back, and something passed silently between them.
“Fine,” Starlight sighed, giving Ben one last, tired look. “If you promise to tell us when she’s awake, I can try and hold them off.” Her eyes narrowed. “For her.”
Ben grunted. “Deal.”
And they were gone, and Ben was alone in the kitchen.
She didn’t wake up for three full days. Three, long, insufferably quiet days where it was just Ben. Three days of pacing, of eating alone, of watching TV all through the damn night because he couldn’t sleep even if he fucking tried. Three days of the awful thing in his chest making up stupid excuse to open the door to her room and check to see if she had vanished. She never had, she would always be twisted on the bed, heart steady, face empty. At some point Ben moved Her under the covers, after he made up an excuse to touch her and found her not burning like he’d been checking for, but freezing cold. Three long days of wishing She was awake, reminding himself he didn’t fucking need Her awake, and the thing in his chest roaring that he did.
He tried to push it down, and almost succeeded, but at the end of the second day he walked downstairs from where he’d been standing outside her door for a disgustingly long time—finally managing to not push in and check on her—to find Butcher in the living room.
“She’s still out.” Ben had grunted, and Butcher had only shrugged.
“I ain’t here for her. We need to have a little chat.”
“I’m good.”
“I wasn’t bloody asking.”
Ben remembered wondering in the moment if he was already in enough hot water that killing Butcher wouldn’t really matter. “You’re playing a game you can’t fucking win.” He’d warned, and even Butcher’s heart hadn’t stuttered.
“I’ll be out of your hair in a flash, Gov. But not until you fucking listen.” Butcher managed to have more intelligence than Ben thought him capable of, and didn’t wait to hear Ben’s answer before he began. “Her plan, somehow, bloody worked. Most of the media coverage is sayin that Firecracker started panicking and lying to try and keep herself alive. You’re being label as a crazed lunatic, out for revenge.”
“Then what’s the fucking problem-“
“Her. Everyone’s buying the story about Her and Homelander, thinkin you kidnapped her after we tried to kill her.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t even make any fucking sense.”
“Don’t need to make sense. It’s the narrative Vought got, and they’re running with it. As far as the public knows, you’re back, out for bloody and evil revenge, and are holding her hostage to hurt Homelander.” Butcher narrowed his eyes at Ben. “And they’ve reached out. They want to meet with you.”
“They?” Ben paused, ready to grab Butcher’s tongue and make him stop talking in fucking riddles. “Who the fuck is they?”
“Vought.” Butcher said shortly. “Sage. Homelander.”
Ben snorted. “Fuck no. We’re not bringing her anywhere near that goddamn pussy and his conniving bitch.”
“Good thing they only want to talk to you, then, ain’t it.”
That made Ben pause, eyes narrowing at Butcher as suspicion had begun to build in his chest. “The fuck are you talking about.”
“One hour, a truce, just you, me, Starlight, Homelander, and Sage. At the old Starlight Fund building. Just talking.”
Ben snorted. “You dumb enough to believe that?”
“Nope. But you agree, it happens.”
Ben grunted. He didn’t trust any of it. He didn’t trust Homelander to have no ulterior motive. He didn’t trust Sage to not be plotting something. He didn’t trust Butcher to not have a fucking trick up his stupid fucking Hawaiian shirt. “And if don’t.”
Butcher shrugged. “Then this conversation never happened.”
Ben had said your name carefully, trying to feel out whatever it was he fucking knew Butcher was hiding. “What about her?”
“She’d stay here.”
Ben raised his brows at that. “You’d trust me without her?”
“Fucking hell, no. Not if hell bloody froze over. Don’t trust you with her. We’d set up something to make you go night-night if you get all nuclear. CIA got more than enough gas to put you under, they can spare some for our lovely uses.”
“How long does the offer stand?” Ben asked, pushing down the drum.
Butcher had shrugged. “Until you give an answer.”
“I’ll think about it.” Ben said. “Now get the fuck out.”
Butcher chuckled dryly. “Alright, Gov. Keep your damn pants on.” As Butcher walked, hands in pockets, down the hall, he paused as he passed Ben, and shoved something into his hands. “She dropped those on her way to the stage. Good luck when she wakes up, Mate. I’d keep her away from the telly.”
Ben had looked down at what Butcher had given him as the man walked away, brow furrowing at what he found.
Shitty, off-brand Soldier Boy sunglasses.
Ben had placed them in his room to give to Her later. But another full day had passed before she woke up, and Ben’s mind had not stilled the whole fucking time.
He hadn’t been lying. Ben thought about Butcher’s—Homelander’s—offer. Constantly. Starting with the fact that he didn’t have a goddamn thing to say to Homelander. The shock of their relation had long passed, fading into a numbness of just another fucking job for Ben to do, just another way in which he had to be alone. Then the numbness had been replaced by a blinding wrath. A disgust from what he had done. Ben wasn’t a saint, saints were weak, self-righteous whiners. But he wasn’t a fucking monster. He did what had to be done, and a little more to make sure he didn’t have to do it again. He didn’t take women and lock them in cages. He didn’t hurt people until the singular thought of him made them afraid. People fear Ben, yes. But just as much as they should.
Ben didn’t fear Homelander. She didn’t fear Ben. But She feared Homelander. A weak, fucking pathetic man who had needed to break someone stronger than him, someone worth more than him powerless, to feel big. She was worth so much more than Homelander that she wanted to help people. Worth so much more that she still somehow looked at the world and found it worth something. She found worth in fucking everything. Everything was amusing to Her, everything was beautiful, everything had value and meaning. Ben fucking hated it. It leaked into him, and felt fucking strange. Because he could hear Her in his head, saying Pretty Boy, this is an opportunity. Don’t be a petty baby and waste it.
And that was where the thoughts would loop. Ben didn’t want to talk to Homelander. Homelander had hurt Her and Ben never would. She’d find a way to use this, though, and She’d want him to go. But Ben didn’t want to talk to Homelander. Over and over until Ben heard Her heartbeat stutter, heard shuffling around in Her room, and had to fight the thing roaring in his chest to sprint up the stairs. He somehow managed to remain seated on the couch, everything in him fucking strained to stay in place as she tapped down the stairs and cleared her throat behind him.
Ben turned to find Her watching him with eyes still crusted from sleep. When She spoke, her voice was hoarse, and her words were quiet.
“How long was I out?”
“Few days.” Ben answered, trying to watch her passively, to pretend he wasn’t studying her every feature. He wasn’t even fucking sure what he was looking for himself.
“What-“ She took a deep breath. “What happened?”
Ben paused, finding her eyes again. Keep her away from the telly, Butcher had said, and Ben had immediately checked to see what the fuck he was talking about. He’d found the answer fast: photos of Firecracker’s scorched body, interviews with the families of the audience members who had met the same fate. Speculation about what Ben was doing to Her, fabricated “evidence” of Her and Homelander’s love. A complete, well-developed, entirely bullshit story about her life. Born in the same hometown as Homelander, happily giving up her life to support him, working instead behind the scenes in Vought marketing and cooking in her free time.
Homelander didn’t have a hometown, that pussies whole story was even more bullshit Vought propaganda than Ben’s was.
She wouldn’t “give up her life” to support anyone. And if she did, they’d have to hear her bitch about it until they fucking died.
Ben had once heard her call marketing “a plague upon human culture and societal development” during the third commercial break of one of his football games.
Everyone would know if She had tried to cook Homelander food, because it would’ve killed him.
Butcher had wanted Ben to lie. But Ben fucking knew She wouldn’t have lied to him. And he knew She would find out the truth somehow and be a real bitch about Ben lying to her.
“Three audience members and Firecracker died. You passed out. We got back here.”
“Oh,” she said softly, but didn’t look away, and Ben could see something fragile in her eyes fracture. Hear the taps of Moon River begin. “What are they saying?”
“They?”
“Vought.”
“Your plan worked.” Ben grunted, and the rhythm of Her heart told him she knew there was more. “But Firecracker’s bullshit stuck. I’m being painted as a revenge-blind maniac, and you’re being painted as my victim.”
She let out a humorless laugh. “If anything, you’re my victim.”
Ben felt his mouth twitch. “That’s what I keep fucking saying.”
She let out another, smaller huff of amusement before her face fell back into that soft state, her eyes still tired as she watched him. “That’s all?”
He nodded. “That’s all.”
She gave one last sigh, and it sounded so weak. He wanted to grab her and figure out a way to make her move. Get her to sit next to him and laugh so the fucking thing in his chest would let go of his lungs. Before he could, though, she turned and padded back up the stairs, her door closing behind her.
Another day passed before Ben even fucking saw her again. She’d slunk into the kitchen around dinner, hair tangled and eyes hollow, heating up a box-meal before placing it on a plate and carrying it back upstairs. The next day was the same, and Ben had tried to grab her and make her fucking talk to him, and she'd stared at him with a wide, empty gaze.
“We need to fucking talk.” He’d grunted.
“Please don’t.” Her voice had been so fucking quiet.
“Don’t what?” He’d growled. “Fucking talk to you? You’re just going to never fucking talk to me again?”
She’d given a small shake of her head. “I don’t want to talk. Please.”
“You’re being fucking weird.”
“Please.” She’d sounded desperate. “I can’t talk. Please.”
He’d never heard her say please so many times. He’d only seen her like this, a weak and fearful girl, once.
He’d hated it on the Neuman mission. He hated it now.
He hated she looked weaker now. Hopeless. He hated how he relented, let go of her, and she’d gone back upstairs and didn’t come back down. Two more days passed, and the only way Ben knew she was alive was the sounds of music coming from her room and the food that vanished from the kitchen overnight.
Ben was going to lose his fucking mind. The last time she’d avoided him this much had been the beginning, and, fuck, that had been better than this. She’s seen him and fought with him, tearing him to pieces as he did the same to her. Stood her fucking ground against him, a completely insufferable, violent, angry bitch of a woman. Even after they’d called truce on their war, she’d remained a powerfully wrathful, unrelenting pain in Ben’s ass. Now she wouldn’t stand in the same fucking room as him, and he was going to go fucking insane.
So, on the fifth day, Ben banged down her door, ready to demand she fucking tell him who to kill to fix this.
He found her curled in her bed, staring far ahead into nothing. Something hit his nose that he forced himself to ignore, and she didn’t even move as he pushed into the room.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked gruffly. She didn’t answer, so he said her name roughly. “What’s fucking wrong with you?”
“Why did you do it?” Her voice was light—frail—as she stared ahead.
“Do fucking what?”
She finally looked at him. “Why did you go back, with Sage, why did you fucking do that?”
“I saved your life, Sunshine. And you never even fucking thanked me.” Ben knew his words were cruel, shooting to hurt Her. But maybe she’d fucking fight him. Fucking do something that wasn’t just fucking sitting there.
“You should’ve left me.” She whispered, Ben rolled his eyes, and her voice raised. Not to a scream, but a high-pitched, frantic tone of desperation. “You should’ve! You should’ve left me and run! You could’ve been free, why did you do that! Why! You should’ve just fucking left me!”
This was worse, Ben knew. So much fucking worse. “Why are you being so fucking dramatic-“
“You should’ve left me to die!” She screamed. “You should’ve just left me to die! Why didn’t you just let me fucking die?!”
Ben stared at Her as she started to cry, shaking on the bed, trying to push herself further back into its frame. She’d tucked her head into her arms, sobs wracking through her whole body as she held herself, fingers digging into her skin. No smoke was rising, no tapping or chewing, just Her tears falling as she let out another, broken scream. Ben was frozen, he didn’t know how to fucking deal with this. Fuck, he barely knew how to deal with Her when she wasn’t breaking down in front of him.
Through sobs, Ben heard Her say it again. “It would be better if you had just let me die.”
Ben didn’t need the thing in his chest to tell him to move. He crossed the room in two long steps, dropping on the bed next Her.
“Look at me.” She didn’t, so Ben grabbed her wrists and pulled them down. “Sunshine, fucking look at me.”
She glanced down at where he still held her and blinked, letting out a stuttered breath. Her voice was still so weak when she spoke, “What?”
“Fucking look at me.” He growled one last time, and she finally did, her eyes still so empty. “You’re being fucking stupid.”
She gaped at him, disbelief finally filling her expression. It wasn’t the amusement or rage Ben wanted back, but it was something.
“What?’
“You’re being a goddamn idiot. Things would…” The words vomited out of him. “Be a lot fucking worse if you were dead.”
She shook her head, the hopeless looking creeping back. “I killed four people, they’d still be alive-“
"Maybe.” Ben grunted. “Maybe not. But they, along with a few more, would still be dead if you hadn’t knocked me down. Which was even fucking stupider than you’re being now, but we’ll fix that later.”
“Fix that?” She gave him a sharp look, words still choked. “I thought we agreed not to fix each other.”
“You agreed not to fix me. I made no such fucking promises.”
There was a silence for a second before She spoke again. “I don’t want you to ‘fix me’. I want to care that I…” Her stuttered, and she took another shaky breath before pushing them out. “I hurt people.”
“That’s to job, Sunshine.”
“I don’t care,” she whispered. “I didn’t even want the job anyway.”
Ben watched her, wrists still in his hands, face faraway, and eyes still lined with tears. An image flashed in front of him, of Her a few years younger, singing karaoke and crying about stupid, normal shit. Something Ben himself had never done, something Ben wouldn’t even know how to miss. The image lingered in his head, her smile carefree, singing loudly and off-key, no blood on her hands, and the thing in his chest was angry.
“Ben?” She said softly, and the image vanished. “I’m sorry.”
He scowled. “Why are you fucking apologizing to me?”
“You don’t want to deal with this, with me. It’s not- it’s not useful to cry over spilled milk-“
“Shut up,” he snapped. “No, it’s not useful. For me. For Butcher. For Homelander. You get to whine over it, because-“
“Because I’m a woman?” She asked dryly, and he glared at her.
“No, smartass. Because you’re not like us. You didn’t fucking choose this.”
“You didn’t choose that,” she nodded to his chest. “Do you get to cry?”
“I don’t cry.” He said firmly, and She tilted her head at him in a way he didn’t like. “But I get to be angry. You get to be angry. And if you need to have a little breakdown to be angry, then so fucking be it.”
“But I killed people-“
Ben rolled his eyes. “Three Homelander supporters and Firecracker. Real fucking contributors to society, I’m sure.”
“They were still people.” She pushed. “People who I killed. People who would be alive-”
“If you say ‘if you were dead’, I’ll kill you myself.” Ben snapped.
She stared at him in disbelief and something harsher flickered in Her eyes. Fucking finally.
“I’d like to see you fucking try, Pretty Boy.”
He huffed a laugh. “I’ll wipe the floor with your ass, Sunshine.”
“I’ll make you regret crawling out of your mother in the first place, cunt.” She taunted, and Ben felt a wide grin on his face.
“I’m sure you will, you bitch.” Ben gave her a sweeping look. Her matted hair, tear crusted and red eyes, the smell he’d been pushing down starting to feel fucking visible. “But you need to fucking shower first, you smell like the shit you’ve been wallowing in.”
She glared at him, and for a second Ben thought she’d keep fighting him, or worse, start crying again, but she just gave a light tug against where he still held her.
“Can’t fucking shower if you won’t let me move, Ben.” She said flatly, and Ben rolled his eyes as he let go.
“Fucking drama queen,” he muttered, and She gave him a sarcastic, toothy smile as she stood.
“Eat me.”
“I would if you’d let me, Sunshine.” He called after Her, and though she closed the door with a slam, Ben still heard her heart flutter.
He waited as the water ran and tried not to think about Her, naked, in just the other room. Tried not to think about the relief the thing in his chest had felt when she’d stopped crying, the satisfaction it felt when he’d gotten her to laugh, and the stupid fucking anger it had felt at everything when she’d broken in front of him. He didn’t let himself dwell on the way it made him sit here. Fucking waiting for her like a lost goddamn puppy. Wanting to make sure she was okay. She was fine, she wasn’t sobbing and screaming, so she was fucking fine.
But what if She’s not, you fucking ass? The thing growled. What if she’s just waiting for you to leave?
Ben fucking hated that it worked, and he stayed on the bed.
What if She needs you? It hissed. What if she wants you to stay?
Ben loathed that even more. Because it echoed in his brain, and made him listen intently for any sounds of distress over the water, made him sit rigid and alert until the door opened.
She walked out, a towel wrapped around her body. She blinked at him once, and Ben couldn’t fucking figure out if she was even surprised he was there.
“Clothes,” she mumbled, walking to her dresser. Ben grunted, and watched her return to the bathroom, the door closing behind her once more.
Maybe he should go now. It was late, it had been a weird, long fucking day. He should fucking go and put some distance between the thing in his stupid fucking chest and Her-
The door opened, and She walked over to drop back on the bed, a small smile on her face.
“You’re real shit at comforting people, Pretty Boy.”
Fine. He’d fucking stay.
“Good.” Ben grunted. “And it fucking worked on you. Didn’t even get a damn ‘thank you.’”
He felt Her hand on his arm, and looked at her face, soft and open. “Thank you.”
He grunted again, staring back at the wall, and she chuckled.
“I mean, it was still a shit job, but it was so shit it looped around into being remarkably effective.”
“Doesn’t count as a damn thank you, Sunshine, if you fucking insult me right after.”
She shrugged. “Then do a better fucking job next time, Pretty Boy.”
Ben snorted. “Don’t hold your damn breath.” She didn’t respond, and he turned to find Her watching him, lips in a thin frown with her brow gently wrinkled. “I can hear the fucking gears in your head, Sunshine.” He said. “Say what you’re fucking thinking.”
“I’m going to ask you something once. If your answer is no, you’re not allowed to talk about it again.”
Ben frowned. Every time she started a question with a phrase like that, it ended up being something fucking insane. “Okay.” He said shortly, morbid curiosity getting the better of him.
“If you want, you don’t have to, and I don’t expect you to-“
“Quit fucking edging and spit it out.”
She glared at him. “You can stay in here tonight.”
Ben stared at Her, the thing in his chest clawing against him. “What?”
“You can sit in my bed. If you want. I know you won’t sleep, and I won’t sleep well, and I’d probably end up sitting in your room at some point-“
“Why?” Ben cut off Her rambling, frowning.
She held his gaze, her uneven heart the only sign of her nerves. “I don’t-“ she sighed. “I don’t want to be alone. You’d just be sitting here, nothing else. But if you don’t-“
“Fine.” He answered, and the thing in his chest roared.
“Oh,” she paused, and Ben was pretty goddamn sure She’d expected him to say no. “Okay. Good.”
She pulled herself under the covers, looking up at Ben from her back. He didn’t like what that made him feel, and how easy it would be to just pull Her against him and keep her there.
“Thank you.” She said with a small smile. “No insults."
“Whatever,” Ben grumbled, leaning back in a pointless attempt to find a comfortable position. “Just saving you the fucking walk to my room.”
“You’re a saint,” she mumbled sarcastically, eyes drooping. “I’m sure this must have been very hard for you.”
“I’ll live.” He said, watching Her. “I need you functional, Sunshine. Small, stupid fucking price to pay.”
“You need me?” She breathed out, a sleepy smile on her face.
Ben rolled his eyes. “You burn, I burn.” He echoed the words she'd said before. “I’m not going to let you fucking burn. You don’t get away from me that easy.”
“How sweet.” She whispered, eyes fully closing. “I won’t let you burn either, Pretty Boy.”
Ben wanted to protest, and tell Her that he wasn’t sweet, just practical, and he—despite the protests of the thing in his chest—didn’t need her at all. But Her breathing became steady and even, fast asleep in seconds at his side, and he couldn’t fucking bring himself to wake her. So Ben just studied Her sleeping face, not empty, not twisted in pain, a soft smile playing on her lips. He should fucking go, She was asleep and that’s all She’d fucking needed from him. But he stayed in place, and watcher Her like a fucking creep. Her peaceful face, smooth heartbeat, and gentle breaths soothing the thing in his chest. Ben need to get himself under fucking control, he was being fucking pathetic.
But he stayed, all fucking night, unable to move and barely capable of looking away. And the more of the night that passed, the long he watched Her, the more he realized she was pretty. Really fucking pretty. He hadn’t been fucking blind, he’d known she was pretty before. Thought about it more than he’d ever fucking admit. But fuck, this was different. She was really, really goddamn pretty. And then She rolled over, settling so she was comfortably pressed against him, and he realized she was beautiful. Like one of those stupid, overpriced paintings art-pussies in the 70s had tried to sell him. But real. Fucking beautiful, in a way that made him unable to look away, that made him feel fucking stupid.
Beautiful in a way that made him stay at Her side the whole night, frozen on her bed with her body against him, all the way until the sun started to leak into the room.
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asdfghjklmals · 1 year ago
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BACK TO SCHOOL✩༶‧˚
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GENRE + T/W: sfw, fluff. WORD COUNT: 4.5k words. TAGS: satoru gojo x fem!oc. adoptedkiddos! megumi & tsumiki. overprotective!oc.
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SYNOPSIS: oc gojo girlfriend and satoru take megumi and tsumiki to get registered for school! AUTHOR'S NOTE: this was such a random piece that was sitting in my drafts, but i wanted to write more of guardian oc gojo girlfriend and satoru. oc gojo girlfriend will throw down with anyone who says shit about her kids or her man lol i think it's her scorpio sign. and y'all know she joined the pta because she's spiteful hahaha. REMINDER: if you want to imagine yourself in oc gojo girlfriend's character descriptions instead, please do!
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"satoru, you have to take megumi and tsumiki shopping for school supplies and clothes after your morning jujutsu practice today." you called out to him while brushing your hair, "i can't go with you because i'm showing the first years around today... and then we need to take them to register for school tomorrow morning."
satoru stepped out of the steamy shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, eucalyptus body wash aroma filling the air. he made his way to your side to peck a kiss on your cheek. his wet hair dripping all over you, bright blue eyes gazing at you in adoration.
"sure thing sweetheart, but don't get mad at me if i choose something for the kids that you don't particularly like."
you held his cheek in the palm of your hand, glaring at him, "just make sure the kids' clothes match and don't waste their money. the kids don't need designer clothing."
satoru gave you a smirk and squeezed your shoulders as if he was saying ‘fine…’
“i gotta go. don't get into any trouble, okay?”
"me? trouble? never heard of it." satoru winked at you.
you glared at him as he grinned, kissing him quickly on the cheek before you attempted to leave his room.
"(y/n)?" satoru called out to you.
you turned around to see what your boyfriend wanted. "what is it, satoru?" you groaned, "i'm gonna be late."
"you gotta give me a proper goodbye kiss. none of that soft bullshit."
you reluctantly walked back over to him and giggled. "you are too much, satoru gojo."
how could you say no to a freshly showered satoru gojo enticing you with a kiss?
satoru pulled you into his lap as you straddled his waist. "now i'm definitely going to be late." you laughed.
the white haired sorcerer whispered in your ear, "just one kiss and i'll let you go."
later that day: satoru's pov
satoru, tsumiki and megumi walked around a local shopping mall in tokyo. there was a specific clothing boutique in ginza that you liked to buy clothes for the kids at.
the two fushiguros trailed behind their guardian. megumi sure missed your presence today. why did gojo-sensei have to take them back-to-school shopping instead of you? megumi always felt more comfortable whenever you were around, he always felt so small around gojo-sensei. your comforting presence always made him feel better.
tsumiki tugged at satoru's uniform, "sensei, how come (y/n) isn't coming shopping with us?"
"she's busy showing the first years around the school today," satoru smiled, "—so your cool and totally awesome sensei is going to take you guys shopping instead."
the trio entered the familiar children's boutique as an employee recognized satoru and waved. "good morning, satoru! no (y/n) today?"
"not today. she’s busy with student body president duties this year," satoru flashed a smile at the employee. he turned to his partner-in-crime, “—tsumiki, let's start with you first.”
satoru started browsing through the girl’s clothing for tsumiki. during his scan, he spotted a pink tutu. he thought that it was adorable, and tsumiki had to have it. he thought to himself, 'i'll probably get a lecture for this one, but it's too cute to pass up'.
tsumiki ended up choosing pink and neutral colored clothing. she was such a girly girl, and you had so much fun dressing her up and taking her to her dance and cheer lessons.
once satoru finished picking out some new pieces for tsumiki, he started to look at clothes for megumi. picking out clothes for boys was much easier since he knew nothing about girls' clothes. he rarely bought you clothes for that reason, especially since he knew that you were so picky.
satoru chuckled to himself when he thought of the time where he tried to buy you lingerie as a joke and almost got a high pressured water cannon shot to his face. luckily, he had his infinity on or you would've drowned him in the yokohama bay.
the white-haired guardian picked up two pairs of jeans in navy blue and black. he added shirts that megumi could layer, and new shoes into the shopping cart. he noticed that megumi was growing out of his clothes and shoes now. that kid was going to have a growth spurt soon. megumi brought over a couple of pieces of clothing he wanted and placed it in the cart innocently. satoru peered over at him.
"did you get everything you wanted, megumi?"
the child avoided eye contact with satoru, "yeah, i did."
he turned over to the older fushiguro. "—and what about you, tsumiki?"
she shot a bright smile at satoru, "yup!"
“alright, let’s head to the stationary shop.”
satoru and the children went towards the cashier to check out. he swiped his black credit card to pay for the clothes.
"sensei, that's not the bank card!" tsumiki gasped, wondering why satoru didn't use the card that was intended for tsumiki and megumi’s use.
satoru chuckled, "you're right, kiddo. this is from me and (y/n). consider it a back-to-school gift."
tsumiki's eyes sparkled, "whoa, thank you gojo-sensei!"
"thank you, sensei." megumi added to show his appreciation too, however he still avoided eye contact.
satoru smiled and ruffled megumi's hair, "you're both very welcome. make sure to give (y/n) a big ol’ hug when you see her tonight too, okay?"
the two fushiguros nodded obediently at him. of course they would give you a hug when they got home to show their appreciation. they loved you with all their hearts. you were the mother figure in their lives that they didn’t know they needed.
providing for tsumiki and megumi with your own money was something you and satoru talked about when you decided to take in the kids as your own. the plan was to set aside their financial aid money so that they would be set once they turned 18. since you and satoru came from wealthy clans, it was the least you two could do for them.
"next, we need to buy school supplies..." satoru announced as he held the shopping bags full of clothes in one hand and his shopping list that you wrote for him this morning in another, "—then we can go back to jujutsu high and have some dinner."
satoru felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. sure enough, it was you.
"hi babe." satoru greeted you over the phone with a smile.
"how's shopping with the kids?" you asked.
"i know you're going to yell at me when i get home, so i might as well tell you now—i bought tsumiki a tutu."
"satoru gojo... a tutu?!"
satoru corrected you, "excuse me, but it's 'sweetheart' or ‘babe’, to you."
"satoru..." you grumbled.
he corrected you again, "babe—"
satoru chuckled at your stubbornness, using his last name whenever you were trying to be serious with him did not scare him as much as it used to. he could tell when you were truly upset with him and when you weren’t—and this was not one of those times.
"fine then. babe, a tutu? really?" you asked in disbelief. you pinched your nose bridge in annoyance.
"it was too cute, i couldn't resist." satoru argued, "—plus, i used my own card. so don't chastise me."
you changed the subject, "is megumi doing okay without me?"
"he's just being himself... quiet." satoru cocked his head to the side to see what megumi was up to, "sounds like you're showing favorites, sweetheart. how come you never ask about tsumiki?"
"because i know that tsumiki already loves you, it's megumi i'm worried about. he's so shy around you." you explained, "—and i don't have favorites. i love them both equally."
satoru flirted with you, "what about me? am i not your favorite? do you even love me?"
"i definitely love them more than you." you teased him, "are you coming home soon?"
satoru ignored your comment about loving the kids more than him. he would make it his mission to make sure you loved him more than anything in this world.
"we'll be home soon. the kids are picking out their school supplies."
"principal yaga said that we're having a dinner to celebrate the new students. so make sure you’re back on time, please.”
satoru rolled his blue eyes so far back in his head he hoped they would get stuck. that meant that he'd have to see principal gakuganji, and he was definitely towards the bottom of his list of favorite people at jujutsu high.
“okay, babe. whatever you say.” satoru sighed.
you giggled over the receiver, “i love you, satoru gojo.”
“i love you too, sweetheart.”
satoru clamped his flip phone shut and placed it back into his front pocket. he called out to the kids, “what do you say we get some ice cream before we head back to jujutsu high? (y/n) says it's okay if we're a little late.”
the next morning
your alarm rang while satoru groaned in your chest, face buried against your sternum as you cradled his head with your arms.
"five more minutes..." satoru mumbled breathlessly into your chest.
you tried to sit up, satoru refusing to let go of you with his strong arms. you grabbed your pillow and hit him upside the head with it. you got a lucky strike, no infinity.
"wake up! we told principal kinomoto that we'd be early."
satoru took the pillow you threw at him and tossed it on the ground. he grabbed you by your waist to pull your body on top of his. you squealed as you tried to get out of his grasp.
you held his face in the palm of your hands. "wake up, babe."
satoru continued to groan. you peeled his arms off of you and stepped out of the bed. he watched you make your way into the bathroom. you were wearing one of his white uniform button ups and his briefs. your messy hair cascaded down your back. you were a sight to behold in the morning. satoru felt like he was hiding a national treasure in his room whenever you were with him.
satoru reached his arms under his pillow, stretching his long body. he called out to you, "did i ever mention that you look great in my clothes?"
you rolled your eyes at him before shooting back a half-grin. god, he loved that crooked smile of yours. he gave you a scoff in return. you ran the water so you could wash your face and brush your teeth.
after you and satoru spent the early morning sneaking kisses on each other and getting ready together, you both walked over to tsumiki and megumi's room to get them ready for the day. you took care of megumi as satoru took care of tsumiki. while you were buttoning up megumi's shirt, you watched as satoru brushed and tied tsumiki's hair into two perfect pigtails.
the 7 year old reached for her jar of butterfly clips and handed them to satoru. he picked out two pink ones to clip into her hair, making sure her bangs were out of her face.
you patted megumi's shoulders, smiling at the younger fushiguro, "there we go, megumi. you look so handsome in your new shirt."
megumi blushed, looking down at his tan-colored button-up. "gojo-sensei chose it for me."
"lookin' good there, kiddo." satoru smiled at him and then turned to you, "doesn't tsumiki look great too, sweetheart?"
you smiled back at satoru and tsumiki, "of course she does. she's my little girly girl."
tsumiki twirled around in her new pink dress. she was so darn cute. satoru bent down to tighten the straps on her shoes. he pat her head as she hugged his leg. the kids were so tiny compared to satoru. you really did look like little family when you were out in public together.
after getting ready, tsumiki and satoru led the way to the dining hall while you and megumi trailed behind them. the four of you grabbed breakfast before heading out into the city.
at the elementary school
you could hear the whispers about you and satoru through your spirit birds. the other mothers were asking each other if you and satoru were actually tsumiki and megumi's real parents, how old you two were, and many other unsolicited questions and thoughts.
you had all the registration paperwork for megumi and tsumiki in your backpack as you sat down at a pavilion table to fill out the remaining papers with satoru.
"babe—" you turned to satoru who was watching tsumiki and megumi play on the playground, "should i put you down as the primary emergency contact?"
satoru had a red lollipop in his mouth that he got from the front desk, his sunglasses were resting on his nose bridge. he took the lollipop out of his mouth to reply to you, "sure, sweetheart. but why not put yourself down?"
"well—" you bit your lip in hesitation, "i was thinking that since you can teleport, you could get here faster if anything happened to the kids." you rested your chin on your hand and leaned into him. he put his arm around you, pulling you closer.
"makes sense to me."
you and satoru watched the kids in adoration as tsumiki already made new friends on the playground. she was prancing around the field while megumi was hanging on the monkey bars.
two women approached you, startling you and satoru out of your focused adoration for the kids.
"excuse me. are you those children's mother?" the woman pointed at tsumiki and megumi. "—the one with the brown hair and the blue hair."
"we're their guardians." you introduced you and satoru, "i'm (y/n) and this is my boyfriend, satoru."
the second mother playfully hit the first mother on the shoulder, "see? i told you that they're too young to be their parents. she barely looks like she's in high school."
"why do you ask?" satoru asked defensively, furrowing his eyebrows.
you put your hand on satoru's arm, a motion to tell him to fall back and that you'd handle this. he always came to your defense when it came to you or the kids… but he knew that you were on a different level of overprotective when it came to tsumiki and megumi. satoru just sat back and continued to watch the show.
"well, this school is a very prestigious school for children. we know almost everyone and all the families who attend here... and we've never seen you two around or those two kids." the second mother sneered at the both of you.
the first mother feigned shock, "they don't have a mother or father... that's so sad."
you glared at the two women, "just because we aren't their biological parents doesn't mean that they aren't being properly cared for. satoru and i have given them everything they need and they are in a loving environment."
you weren’t sure how loving an environment like the tokyo jujutsu high dorms actually was… but you and satoru made it clear to tsumiki and megumi that you both loved and cared for them, and that if they ever needed or wanted anything, it was theirs. the world was their oyster with you and satoru by their sides.
"well then. that's good to hear." the first mother started to turn her back towards you, "it was a pleasure meeting you, miss (y/n)?"
"(l/n)." you corrected her. just because she was older than you didn't mean that she could call you by your first name.
"we hope to see you around at school events." the second mother interrupted, "we volunteer at the school quite a bit. parents... or shall i say... guardians that volunteer help their kids gain recognition within the school. i'm sure we'll see you around if you don't want your kids to fall behind."
the two women started to walk away, snickering between themselves. satoru waved them off and patted your thigh to try to calm you down.
"just ignore them, sweetheart. they’re just old women whose husbands don’t actually love them." he tried to comfort you, grabbing your hand to kiss your knuckles. “—and i love you, so you’ll never be like them.”
you motioned one of your spirit birds to fly forward, following the two women. satoru sighed in defeat, he knew you weren't going to just ignore them. he started to grin though, this was one of things that made you so attractive in his eyes. it was that fire in you. you never stepped down from a fight.
"that blue haired child looks like he's going to be trouble. look at him! he looks like a delinquent." "we need to make sure that our children don't get involved with them. we don't even know what their guardians do for a living." "how are they even paying for tuition?" "i doubt those two can even afford to pay for the tuition here. they’re just teenagers!"
you grit your teeth, jaw clenched in anger, lips pursed. satoru could feel your cursed energy waver. he nudged you one last time, "babe, come on. let’s just go back to filling out paperwork."
"you heard what they said about our kids."
you slammed your pen against the table. you got up and walked towards the two women. satoru signed and folded his arms to watch the remainder of the show. he wished he had popcorn for this. he was ready to hold you back if needed, but he actually liked seeing you get feisty like this. he knew you could hold your own against anyone, including him.
"excuse me!" you called out to the two women, "hey! you two!"
the two mothers turned around, looking back at you, appalled at your approach.
"say one more thing about megumi and tsumiki!" you pointed at them with your index finger. "let's see what happens!"
"don't you know where our families come from? ever heard of the (l/n) clan or the gojo clan? the audactiy of you two to question how we can afford to pay for tuition. their tuition was paid fully in cash. you can ask the cashier over there." you pointed towards the cashier's window.
the first mother stammered, she was shocked that you confronted them, "well, i—"
"just because i'm young doesn't mean that i can't be a good mother to megumi and tsumiki." you snapped at them, "those two 'delinquents' mean the world to me. i can provide them whatever they need or want in order for them to live a happy life. maybe you two should focus on your own children instead of mine."
"that's enough out of you!" the second mother snapped back at you, "who do you think you are? who taught you how to be so disrespectful towards your elders?"
"—can i ask what's going on here?" a man with gray hair and grey eyes approached the three of you, interrupting the cat fight. satoru jumped in his seat and started to whistle, pretending not to have been listening on the sidelines.
"oh! principal kinomoto!" the first woman ran to his side, "this rude child was just causing a scene!"
principal kinomoto recognized you, "(y/n) (l/n)?"
"hi principal kinomoto!" you waved.
the two mothers looked at you in shock. they were surprised that you and the principal were already acquainted, wondering how you knew him.
"what's all the commotion about?" the principal asked again.
"well, these two had some stuff to say about my kids." you reported back to the grey haired principal, pointing at the two women.
"i see… is this true?" the principal turned to the two, "you know we don't tolerate this type of behavior. the (l/n) clan donates heavily to all the schools in tokyo. let's not jeopardize their generous contributions to our school due to some unwarranted comments."
the two women's jaw dropped. they were speechless. they absolutely knew about the (l/n) clan. they just didn’t think you were from that (l/n) clan.
"(y/n), we have much to catch up on. i saw that you and satoru are enrolling two children here."
"what's up, principal!" satoru called out. satoru made his way to you and the principal. he put his arm around your waist and shook hands with principal kinomoto.
he introduced satoru again to the two women, "mrs. fujiwara, mrs. yoshida. this is satoru gojo. the gojo clan also donate tremendously to this school as well. as a matter of fact, they're the ones that paid for the new library last fall."
"you two may leave now, i have to speak with the principal." you said to the two women, "you should go find your children."
mrs. fujiwara and mrs. yoshida quickly turned around and called for their children from the playground. it looked like they wouldn't be bothering you or your kids any time soon.
"ignore those two. they’re known for their gossip. let's sit down and catch up." principal kinomoto ushered you and satoru back to the table you were sitting at. "(y/n), how is touya? i haven't seen him in so long!"
"he's great. he's working on becoming the head of the household."
"—and are you at jujutsu high with satoru?"
satoru ruffled your hair, "yep, she is! we're third years now. gonna graduate soon!"
"so tell me about these kids you're enrolling." the principal peered over at the playground.
"would you like to meet them?" you asked with a smile. “they’re just the best kids.”
satoru called out to the two fushiguros, "hey! megumi! tsumiki! can you guys come here real quick?"
megumi jumped down from the monkey bars, tsumiki slid down from the metal slide she was on. they both ran towards you and satoru. tsumiki jumped into satoru's arms while megumi attached himself to your side.
"principal kinomoto, meet megumi and tsumiki fushiguro." you introduced the two fushiguros to their future principal with a cheeky smile, "—they're mine and satoru's kids."
"kiddos, say hi to principal kinomoto." satoru said, "he's a good friend of ours."
principal kinomoto reached his hand out for a handshake, "nice to meet you two."
you and satoru watched as tsumiki and megumi nervously shook hands with their principal and said hi. they were so cute in the way they interacted with him.
after getting acquainted, you shoo'd them off, “you two can go back and play now.”
they quickly smiled and waved, running back to play on the playground with their new friends. once megumi was back on the monkey bars, you turned to the principal, "principal kinomoto, i do have some concerns."
"what's on your mind, (y/n)?"
"i'm not worried about tsumiki fitting in, but i am worried about megumi." you sighed, hoping that megumi would be okay in school without you.
satoru added, "—megumi might cause a little trouble for you, principal."
the grey haired principal laughed, "is he a troublemaker like you, satoru?"
"you have no idea." you scoffed.
"the kid's a zen'nin with the ten shadows technique." satoru mentioned.
principal kinomoto looked at you and satoru, "you don't say?" he adverted his attention to megumi on the playground, "what shikigami has he tamed have so far?"
"just the demon dogs. he's starting to see nue and gamma though. so don't be surprised if you see two puppies named shiro and kuro on school grounds." satoru chuckled.
principal kinomoto was actually a grade one jujutsu sorcerer and was in the same class as touya. after graduation, he left to work as a non-sorcerer because he didn't like the mental toll being a jujutsu sorcerer put on him. he ended up going into education because he loved kids. if he couldn't save children from curses, he would save them another way, through education. him and his wife, mrs. akita, ran the school that you were enrolling megumi and tsumiki at. it was satoru's idea to register the kids here knowing the ties they had with the jujutsu society.
“don't worry. tsumiki and megumi will be taken care of here.”
"thanks so much, principal." you let out a relieved sigh, "that's one less thing to worry about."
"being a parent is hard," the principal laughed, pointing at you and satoru, "—but you two... when did that become a thing?"
"she fell in love with me at first sight." satoru interjected with a cocky smirk.
"—absolutely not." you threw an ice shard at his infinity, "i can't get rid of him... it's been almost two years now? satoru broke my domain expansion from the outside when i was sparring with touya. that's how we first met." (read 'love at first fight' here)
principal kinomoto teased you both, "—so it was love at first sight?"
"more like first fight. satoru didn't even like me at first." you told the principal. he was enthralled with your love story.
satoru rolled his eyes, "—that's not true!"
"i'm actually surprised that your brother didn't kill satoru when he found out you two were dating." principal kinomoto shrugged.
"god, touya and satoru love each other. they're bestfriends now. sometimes i think touya loves satoru more than me."
"well, give your brother my regards," principal kinomoto got up from his seat, "i have to get back to the office. i'm sure i have plenty of parents waiting to meet with me."
"take care." you waved.
"yeah, take care. we'll send the check for the monthly donation this week." satoru called out to the principal. you and satoru were now in charge of the clans’ donations to the school since you'd be visiting the school often.
principal kinomoto waved and brushed you two off, "don't worry about it. take your time with the donations. akita and i are happy to have megumi and tsumiki starting at the school."
you and satoru watched as the principal walked away from the pavilion table. you both sighed in relief. you didn’t think that being ‘parents’ at such a young age was in the cards for you and satoru... but he just had to bring home two adorable children for you to raise.
"that was hot." satoru giggled. the corner of his eyes started to wrinkle as he tried holding back his boisterous laugh.
"what was hot?" you asked.
"the way you stood up to those two moms." satoru said, "i love when you get feisty."
you leered at him, a cheshire grin spreading across your face, "—oh you love when i get feisty?"
"—but not with me!" satoru quickly said with his palms up in defense.
you rolled your eyes at him and finished filling out megumi and tsumiki's registration paperwork while the sly sorcerer snuck tender kisses on your cheek.
you scribbled your signature on the last line. after a moment, you turned to satoru, “should i join the parent-teacher association?”
EXTRA:
“(y/n), can i get the 64 pack of crayons with the sharpener in the back?” megumi asked in hopes that you'd say yes. he had always wanted the 64 pack of crayons.
satoru looked at the younger fushiguro, “you only need 12 crayons to color. who do you think you are? picasso?”
you glared at satoru and turned to megumi, “yes, you can have the 64 pack, megumi. get one for tsumiki too. and your gojo-sensei will pay for it."
"wha—hey!" satoru called out as you, megumi, and tsumiki walked away from him to head to the next aisle.
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poorly-written-fiction · 2 months ago
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talking in your sleep pt. 2 || logan howlett x gn!reader
pt. 1 here for anyone who wants to read
A/N: AAAAA HELLO EVERYONE! this fic - and "taste" - brought so many new and amazing readers. thank you all for your amazing support and kind words. i really appreciate it. i stopped writing fanfics almost 10 years ago, so to hear that you all like my (very rusty) writing makes me so happy. thank you all, so very much. here is part 2 for "talking in your sleep", as was voted on by all of you!
tags: SMUT MDNI PLEASE read at your own risk from here forward, logan howlett x gender neutral reader, no mentions of reader's anatomy or appearance, swearing, dry humping/grinding (because i wanted no specific mentions of reader's anatomy), logan lowkey likes pain but we knew this lmao, not super proofread just was excited to write this but also i'm not great at writing smut apologies okay i hope you enjoy bye
“Good morning, how did you sleep?” You were at a loss for words, completely taken aback by the situation. Logan smiled, “Did you have any nice dreams?” With those words, heat was rushing from your chest and rising into your neck and face. He had you caught.
“Were you listening to me, you fucking animal,” you spoke bitterly, trying desperately to mask your embarrassment. You couldn’t escape the situation, even if you tried. Logan hung onto your doorframe, trapping you between him and your bedroom. He wore that cocky smile and you cursed yourself realizing how handsome he looked with it on. 
“I can’t help my good hearing. You start talking in your sleep and I get curious.” He had you on the spot, looking and acting like he had you all figured out. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you, but you only call for me when you’re sleeping, now why’s that?”
I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you. You thought you were going to fall flat on your ass. You were done for in that moment, grabbing Logan by his shirt collar and kissing him with heated passion. His eyes widened in shock, before he rested his hands around your ribcage and leaned into the kiss, pushing you into your bedroom and kicking the door closed behind him. He moved his hands to the back side of your thighs, hoisting you up around his waist and resting your legs on his hips. He pressed your back against the wall, and that cocky smile painted itself on his lips again.
“You’re a smug motherfucker, you know that?” You chuckled, “Makes you hard to talk to.”
“Me? Never,” Logan husked back, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. He peeled you away from the wall, pulling you over to your bed and sitting down with you straddling his lap. He pressed another kiss to your mouth while his hands ran up and down your back gently. “You’ve had my eye for a while, but you wouldn’t let me talk to you.”
“I was just… nervous, is all.” You won’t meet his eyes, even though you so badly want to.
“More like stubborn. Had me thinkin’ you really didn’t like me,” Logan smiled, rubbing your hips gently. “You wanna tell me what your dream was about now?” Your whole body felt like it was on fire, making you shift slightly against Logan’s lap.
“Something… like this, actually.”
Logan hung on your every word, he needed to hear the words from you. He was so lost in the fact that he had you here, now, that he didn’t realize how tight his jeans were starting to feel. You, on the other hand, could feel the sudden hardness between your thighs, making it even harder to get your words out. You felt dizzy, realizing what was happening - Logan Howlett had carried you into your room, kissed you, and now was getting hard under your lap. It was everything you had dreamed of. You shifted again, trying to get a better angle to feel as much of him as you could. As you did, Logan himself suddenly became aware of what you were doing and realized how fucking turned on he was that you were doing it. His fingers dug into your hips, not hard enough to leave any bruising, but hard enough that it made you gasp. He pressed gentle kisses and bites to the sides of your neck, breathing you in in your entirety. He moved your hips against his own, desperate to just feel you. He didn’t realize that he was starving for more than your attention, but your affection as well. The heat building between you both was almost unbearable, but the tension was so delicious at the same time. Logan’s kisses were all lips, teeth, and tongue, and it drove you crazy. You dragged your nails down his back, earning a groan from him as well as a long, drawn out roll of his hips. You both moaned as your bodies pressed together, both of you chasing a climax, both of you still completely clothed. You both pulled at each other’s clothing without taking anything off, too lost in the heat of the moment. 
Logan grabbed your body tightly and rolled on top of you, pulling away both of your pairs of jeans but leaving your underwear, and his, on. He wanted to pull away every layer and ravage you, but something about the confines of your clothing made everything about the moment all the more sexy to him. He began to grind down into your hips now, his cock pressing hard between your thighs. Even if he wasn’t inside you, you could feel how big he was against you, and it made your insides tighten. You kicked your jeans the rest of the way off of your legs, before wrapping your legs around his hips, pulling him closer, and closer… closer…
Soon you were coming undone beneath him, clawing at Logan’s back and an endless stream of moans and curses spilling from your mouth. Your thighs tight around his body as you rode out your orgasm, your underwear becoming ruined in the process. Logan’s own orgasm followed soon after, his moans muffled by your lips, and his hips stuttering against yours, before they stilled. You felt the warmth of his seed leaking from the fabric of his boxers as it began to seep into your own. You looked at Logan, as he panted and gripped the sheets underneath you. He looked at you with hazy eyes and a satisfied smile. He was everything you had dreamed of, everything you had desired, and he hadn’t even properly fucked you yet.
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A/N: hello! thank you for reading! part 2 of "taste" will go live soon, again thank you to everyone who voted and has been giving their kind words.
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