#but if anyone is curious and if it’ll make or break wanting to read my mini rant

[furubaycrossing]

just a lil book chat under the cut for anyone interested (I’m gonna be ranting a lil bit)

ok first off for anyone that has previously seen any of my posts regarding books I do enjoy a good smutty read from time to time and this summer I downloaded a bunch of books for my vacation (rip z library) and one of them happened to be The Never King by Nikki St-Crowe. The whole idea of it being a Peter Pan and the Lost Boys retelling really piqued my interest

Since then I’ve read all three books that have been released so far in the series: The Never King, The Dark One, and i literally just finished reading the third one, Their Vicious Darling

typically I like a good smut with plot and fantasy and I’m not usually one to turn my nose up at some “dark romance/themes” as long as the plot can support it and it’s done well

overall the writing was ok, there were a lot of plot holes that bothered me and I didn’t mind the whole reverse harem aspect of the plot line involving the main character, who is a descendant of Wendy Darling, Peter Pan, two Fae Princes and the “dark one” (I feel like there aren’t enough reverse harems out there as it is tbh 🤷🏼‍♀️)

And I was really intrigued by the plot overall however I do feel like the books could’ve been longer and better hashed out. Each novel was incredibly short to the point of frustration and it felt like there was a lot missing. I also feel like the entire series could’ve been handled and written a lot better. I get when it usually comes to smutty books and literotica in general, most often than not we’re dealing with straight up porn with plot but I just feel like the plot was kind of glazed over. So much could’ve been done with it without cutting out the raunchy bits and it just… wasn’t and it kind of fell flat for me but I’m not the type to stop reading a series mid way through. I was still interested in how it would all play out so I stuck through it

now aside from all that, my biggest gripe and issue with the whole series (and anyone who has read it and felt the same way will most likely agree) was the age of the main character. Although the main character is eighteen, she just turned eighteen at the start of the series and here she is having all this really crazy wacky raunchy sex with these immortal characters which are described to be young men but still. The consent is there and she’s a-okay with everything going on and she’s all about female empowerment and she enjoys sex which is great!!! we love that! But why did she have to be so young?????? I’m assuming the target audience for this series is a bit older, early to mid-twenties and up so why eighteen????? why couldn’t she have been made to be older? I get that the whole point of the plot is that she gets stolen away by Peter Pan on her eighteenth birthday like all the Darling’s before her but i truly believed her age could’ve been handled differently and I honestly think it would’ve only made the plot more interesting. Why not twenty-something or even just twenty??? she was already written as supposedly “different” from all the other Darling’s and her mom did all sorts of awful things to her to keep her hidden from Pan (as written by the author), why couldn’t the author work with that a bit more and use it to her advantage??? maybe they could’ve managed to evade Pan for a few more years and then she finally got caught and then we could’ve proceeded with the canon storyline??? that would’ve been so much more interesting story-wise. but anyway it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I get that it’s fiction but regardless she didn’t have to be so young. I just pretended she was older as I read the series tbh. It was the only way I could digest it

also Peter Pan is meant to be a child who never wants to grow up???? why is he a sex crazed animal now???

ok that’s it !

[baby-yongbok]

𝖣 𝖨 𝖲 𝖯 𝖠 𝖳 𝖢 𝖧

Husband!911 Operator!Bang Chan 𝗑 Afab!Reader

♡ Genre - Angst ♡ Word Count - 1.3k ♡ Summary - Chan has heard a lot of calls being a 911 operator but this is one that he never wanted to experience. ♡ Warnings - Themes of home invasion, Mention of guns [Please read responsibly. This is an emotional fic.] ♡ a/n - I wrote this after watching an episode of S.W.A.T 😭This fic is not proof read.

✧ Masterlist ✧

He hasn’t been on the night shift since your daughter was born. He liked to spend the nights with Nara when she was first born. He liked to come home to her drooling smiles and gleeful giggles after answering calls all day. He never knew what he’d get when he answered the phone. It could be something small like a cat being stuck in a tree but it rarely ever was. He was on a never ending loop of talking people down during one of their most anxious moments. Something that he hoped he would never have to do. 

“Ma’am, please try to stay calm. Can you repeat your address please?” Chan was laughing with Changbin, dimples on full display until he heard his co-worker repeat the address she was given. He dropped the water bottle in his hand, immediately turning on his heels and making his way behind her to look at the screen.

“Is there anyone else in the home?” It’s his address on the screen. You on the phone. There’s someone in the house with you and his daughter. Changbin comes up behind Chan, peering at the screen with curious eyes that widen quickly. “Is your daughter with you?”

“Chan.” His friend lays a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to pull him out of his shock but it’s no use. He’s too busy trying to hear your voice over the noisy office. Too busy trying to find out if you’re okay. 

“There are officers on the way ma’am just stay put okay?” Chan is tapping his co-worker before he can even process the action. She looks back at him with furrowed brows but her features soften once she realizes who it is. She knows that address, she knows it’s his.

“Give me the headset.” His voice betrays him as it wavers towards the end of the final word but the woman in front of him knew better than to question his request. She hands it over quickly and Chan puts it on with shaky hands. “Ma’am? My name is Chan and I’m going to stay with you through this, okay?”

“Chan?” He can hear the fear in your voice, the timbre shakes like glass windows in a storm and he swears that in that moment he could shatter. “Baby, please tell me it’s you. Please.”

“It’s me. I’m here.” Changbin takes it upon himself to coordinate with the call operator to track the units. He sprints through the office to his desk in hopes that his inquiry will speed up the process. In hopes that it’ll help save you. “Where’s Nara?”

“She’s in her hiding spot.” You mumble through tears, hushed sobs puffing past your trembling lips. “He has a gun, Channie.”

Chan’s eyes squeeze shut, brows furrowed as he tries his best to keep his cool. He wants to run to you, he wants to kill the guy who had the gall to break into his house. He wants to hold you and Nara and tell you that it’ll all be okay. “So do you.”

“His is bigger.” You quip, hopelessness tingeing the corners of your words. “How long until someone gets -” You’re cut off by the sound of heavy footsteps creaking against the hardwood of the main hallway. 

“Baby, please talk to me. I need to know that you’re okay.” He’s squeezing the edge of the desk as he waits for you to reply but all he hears are the shallow breaths that you’re desperately trying to hold. “Eta?” He asks over to his co-worker sitting below him.

“Three.” Chan’s eyes scan the screen with the call transcript, he’s staring. Waiting for your words to pop up. 

“Is he in the room with you?” His jaw is clenched and his tongue feels heavy with every word but the silence on your end speaks louder than any words that could come out of your mouth. “Baby, listen to me. I need you to stay as still as possible, okay? Don’t move unless you have to.”

You’re quiet, heaving breaths are the only sign that you haven’t been disconnected. The only sign that you’re alive. Chan runs a hand through his hair as his next sentence weighs on the heavy muscle in his mouth. “I love you, okay? I love you and I love Nara with -” 

His voice cracks as tears threaten to fall. He breathes them back, standing up straighter and trying his best to not let the damn behind his eyes break. “I love both of you with every ounce of my being. You’re going to be okay, the police are right around the corner but I need you to put down the phone.”

A sob catches in your throat and the heavy boots roaming your bedroom stop for a second. You watch the shadow from under the closet door with wide eyes. “I need you to hold the gun with two hands, just like I taught you okay? I need you to be ready in case -”

He’s interrupted by a sudden thud followed by frantic rustling. “Hello?” He can hear you, he can hear you breathing. He can hear your frantic movements then he can hear your screaming, your struggling.

“Y/n?” He’s panicking, shattering into a million pieces as he listens in on the other line. “Where the fuck are they?” Changbin runs up behind Chan, his hand returns to its earlier spot as he reports what he knows. 

“They’re outside, they’re there.” Chan’s gaze falls back to the screen, the green glowing transcript is unmoving on your part. It’s empty apart from the sound of your screaming. 

“Baby, I need you to fucking fight.” Tears are falling from his eyes, he’s redder than hot iron and his heart is shaking like a leaf in his chest. 

“Chan!” You’re screaming. Screaming his name, begging him for help and he’s not there. Your sobs are loud, rippling through the receiver accompanied by more rustling. He can hear the grunts of the assailant as he fights you but they’re easily drowned out by the sound of police sirens echoing through the air. 

“Fight, do you hear me?” He’s practically yelling into the headset. Eyes shut tight as he focuses on every single sound until he hears the one that he was dreading. It echoes louder than any scream he’s ever heard. He’s cold as soon as he registers the gun fire, his eyes fly open as he’s swallowed by the silence on the other line. It’s loud, once again louder than any words could be.

“Y/n?” His mind is running wild. His thoughts are swallowing him whole, wrapping him up in a darkness that he never knew could exist. Who fired that shot? “Baby?” His shaky voice is nearly a whisper, a desperate whisper with a hidden plea that you’ll answer him. 

Everything is still around him, time seems to evaporate as he counts the seconds without hearing your voice. Selfishly, he finds himself missing the screams. At least then he was sure that you’re alive, at least then he -

“Channie.” Your trembling voice rings through the receiver and Chan straightens up like a flower towards sunlight. “He’s dead.” 

Chan unravels in an instant. Tears run down his blushed cheeks like a free flowing river and the shards of his heart decorating his insides glisten in the hope of being put back together. “I fought for you.” His hands form fists in his hair as Changbin soothes his friend that best that he can. 

“You did great, baby.” He chokes out through sobs, trying his best to sound strong for you. Trying to be as strong as you’re being now. He listens as your daughter runs to you with tear stained cheeks and quivering lips that you kiss over and over again as you hold her close to your shaking frame. 

“Chan.” You mumble. “Please come home.”

He does his best to collect himself. He wipes his tears and tries to breathe normally. He blinks away the heartache lingering in his stomach and the anger multiplying in his chest. He fights it all away for you. He fights it all away just so you can hear him say this.

 “I’m coming to you, right now. I'm coming.” 

Thank you for reading! I hope that you enjoyed!

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[helleboretks]

HAH! Got 'Em!!!

Hello hello hello! First fic in a couple months for my newest fandom Lego Monkie Kid! This is a Lee!Nezha, Lers!Wukong, Mei and MK ticklefic, so if it isn't your forte, no need to read!

(This is Nezha, if anyone wants to gaze upon this absolutely beautiful specimen uwu)

Summary: Wukong wanted to test out if their resident Third Lotus Prince was ticklish. Only Buddha knows what kind of chaos arose from it.

“This is purely experimentative, kid.”

“No it isn’t, Monkey King.”

“Yeaaaaah-no, no it isn’t.”

Mk snorted with a roll of his eyes as Wukong took a few strands of fur from his head, gently blowing on them to produce a few feathers.

“C’mon! You can’t say you’re not curious. I know that look in your eye.” He was right, of course, Mk was pretty curious about this idea too. Would Nezha actually be ticklish? Given that he was reincarnated from a plant-a lotus no less-there had to be something his body did and didn’t replicate from the original, right?

“Has he ever even been tickled before?” Mk wonders aloud, sitting down in the seat next to Wukong. The Noodle Shop was pretty empty today save for his friends and, well obviously, the Lotus Prince himself. Mk’s both surprised and relieved that the man actually found time to take a break, and even felt honored that he’d want to spend it here, with them.

Now he’s wondering how long it’ll be until he regrets it.

“Hmm, not from what I can recall? No???” Monkey King squeaked, looking as if he was seriously racking his brain for some kind of memory. “Yeah no, not from what I can remember.”

“If he’s actually ticklish you’re going to kill him.”

“Oh Pfft, nah he won’t die. You can’t die like that! I think.”

Mk was not about to tell Monkey King that you can, in fact, meet death by tickling. Not right now at least.

No one seemed to notice the little cluster of feathers floating closer and closer to the prince, who found himself in a rather engaging conversation with Tang about some history or other that Mk couldn’t parse out. They both waited with bated breath as he shifted his arms to rest comfortably on the counter.

“Welp, I’ve got nothing to lose.” Famous last words, but alright.

And then the feathers shot into Nezha’s armor.

And look-

LOOK-

The sheer volume of the scream Nezha let out as he flew right off the chair-Mk couldn’t help but crack up laughing as Wukong ducked under the table in surprise, trying to stifle his own laughter.

“HAH!! GOT ‘EEEEEEEEEEEM!!!” Mk screamed as Nezha grabbed and tussled at his clothing, shrieks erupting from his throat.

“Lotus boy!? Mk what did you do!?” Mei exclaimed, clearly less intent on helping and more intent on actually knowing what the fuck they had done.

“THERE’S SOMETHING IN MY ARMOR! THEHEHERE’S-OH MY GOHOHOD WHAT THE FU-” You could just hear Wukong’s dry wheeze from under the table as Nezha’s franticness caused him to bump into one of the chairs, practically crumbling onto one of the tables as Tang choked on his noodles with a chortle.

“Are you-Oh my god, Lotus boy’s ticklish!” Mk nodded to Mei’s statement, and honestly, he was pretty surprised by just how much those feathers affected the man. He was laughing up a storm from wherever those feathers were tickling him, Mk couldn’t really see where they were, but he knew they were doing something.

Or he’d probably just never been tickled in his life and the sensation shocked his soul right out of his body.

That’s also a possibility.

“What the hell? Oi, Monkey King, is this your doing?!” Apparently Pigsy had been the first one to catch onto the real culprit, and Mk banged a fist against the table with a snort as Wukong let out an offended gasp from his hiding spot, popping out into the open.

“I will have you know, mister man of the pigs! I didn’t do nothing!” Wukong sassed, shaking his head from side to side, wagging his finger disapprovingly. That, however, masked the fact that he was probably making those feathers move even faster, because Nezha’s laughter went up an octave right after.

“WUKOHOHOHONG!!! I-I’M GOHONNA KIHIHIHILL YOU-” Monkey King gave an especially skeptical look, turning to Mk, who too was laughing hysterically, just not from the result of being tickled himself. “Yakow, I’m not so sure he’s actually going to do it. I mean, look at the guy! Look at him, take a good look!” Monkey King jested, grabbing Mk by the cheeks and directing his attention back to Nezha.

He could see Nezha, half his body on the table, the other half on the floor as he gripped the edges of the wood, laughing up a storm as he practically vibrated like mad. His face was alight in an adorable blush of pink, eyes squeezed shut with a wobbly, wide grin to boot. He really didn’t look anywhere close to being capable of killing Monkey King in the state he was in.

But then he saw Mei hopped off her seat, a damn near devilish look on her face.

He knew Nezha was in for some shit.

“Here! Lemme help you out, buddy!” Mei spoke too cheerfully to be anything but a trap, but with the way the Lotus Prince was too preoccupied trying to get a grip of himself, he realized that fact a little too late, practically squealing as Mei snatched him by the sides, skittering her nails all over.

Wukong laughed as Nezha flew back unintentionally, right into the person who was making it worse. He kicked his legs as Mei struggled to hold him up with a huffing laugh, scrambling to grab her biceps and shake them.

And not for the first time, Mk doesn’t see the stoic Lotus Prince persona that Nezha tries so hard to keep up. He just sees Nezha; a man who seriously needs a break, and a little too ticklish for his own good.

So you can’t entirely blame Mk for wanting to be a prick.

He jumps over the table, letting out a weird as hell war cry before snatching Nezha by the legs. “YOU’RE COMIN’ WITH ME, MY DUDE-”

Nezha shrieked as Mk began to drag him around the floor, Tang really choking on his noodles as Mei howled with laughter, whipping out her phone to record the absolute madness. Nezha was gripping his ribs-which is probably where Wukong’s feathers are- shaking his head manically as he tried to wrench himself from Mk’s grasp.

“MK, NAHAHAHA-” “HEY!! I just cleaned those floors, kid!!!” Wukong slapped his hand on the table repeatedly as Pigsy called out, and Mk defiantly continued to drag this man everywhere he could, still carefully avoiding chairs and table legs as he went.

“WELL I’M USIN’ IT, DADSY, I’M BUSY!!” Mk shouted back as Mei followed behind him, catching it all on video.

“The poor man! Mk no!” Tang laughed, clearly not as against it as Pigsy is, who stared in dumbfounded disbelief as the two kids messed with the Lotus Prince himself. Nezha, meanwhile, was trying to cling onto anything with a solid structure but was doing nothing other than dragging chairs and tables out of place in his hysteria.

“Look at this BOI-” Mei cheered, causing Mk to wheeze as he shook Nezha’s legs from side to side, the man letting out a squeak as Wukong hopped over.

“WAIT, I GOT THIS!!” That was the only warning that any of them had gotten before a whole barrage of feathers descended on the prince, who screamed in shock before that shock quickly dissolved into the most batshit manic laughter Mk had ever bore witness to.

Mei wheezed, the grip on her phone trembling as the man on the ground thrashed damn near violently, and Mk had to hold tighter onto his legs so he wouldn’t get himself a boot to the face.

“I. AM. FEATHER-BUDDHA!!!” Wukong cried, throwing his hands dramatically into the air as Mei got the bright idea to place her phone down, grab Nezha’s arms, and hoist him the rest of the way up.

“FEATHER JESUS-” She cried just as dramatically as the two swung the prince back and forth, laughing themselves silly as Nezha laughed himself into a tizzy.

For a split second, Mk swore he saw macaque walk in, stare, and then slide right back out in one smooth motion and just-wow, what a great cameo.

“MACAHAHAHAQUE, YOU TRAHAITOR-” Oh he saw him, oh shit-

“I do not exist. Good luck.” Wukong wheezed and almost fell off the damn table as Macaque took his seat at the counter, turning away as if he weren’t just called out to.

“GUHUHUYS, QUIT IHIHIHIT!! PLEHEHEHEAAHAHASE-” Nezha pleaded, trying so desperately to wiggle his way out of the situation. Mk took the liberty of being the local gremlin.

“Ohohoho! But my little nezzy-wezzy-” So many wheezes wrung out at once as Nezha shrieked in embarrassment. Mk hoisted him up so that he had a grip of his knees, Mei slowing down the swinging to a stop as Mk jostled him further.

Wukong, sensing that some more shit was going to go down, slowed the feathers to somewhat of a more breathable speed, and Nezha choked on the breath he sucked in. The smile that forced itself onto his face was both down-right adorable, and freakishly foreign to him. That is something that’s going to have to change, then.

“You know, to be the best gremlin out there, all bets are off the table.” Mk dramatically announced. “AND SO!!” Nezha jumped at the loud tone, anticipatory giggles already spilling from his lips.

“What the heck he’s already laughing, awe-AND SO,” Mk repeated with a dramatic pause. “Mei, get his shirt.”

His bestie didn’t need to be told twice, Nezha letting out a shriek as she pulled his shirt up and away from his belly. “LOCAL GREMLINS!! ASSEMBLE!!!” She cried-

Right as Mk blew a raspberry into the center of Nezha’s belly.

There was a loud pop as Nezha exploded into laughter, and a few gasps and awes went around as a pink glow tinged Mk’s peripheral.

He continued to blow raspberry after raspberry with hardly any pause, and he probably would have winced given just how loud and downright evil Nezha’s laughter was, giggles and cackles as he thrashed and squirmed. It was absolutely hilarious.

“HE’S EXPLODING PETALS, MK!!” Mk paused in his raspberry blowing to pinch at the back of his knees, causing a knee-jerk reaction as he grinned at the petals that had shot out into existence, floating to the ground as Nezha snorted.

“God damn, the guy’s got a set of lungs.” Macaque chuckled, placing his hands over his ears with a grin. Mk laughed with a shake of his head, before diving straight back in, this time nibbling with an added sound effect of ‘nom nom nom’.

The petals exploded from him again.

“MK STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP OHMYGOD PLEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHASE!!!!” Nezha cried as if his life depended on it, repeated pops that were just too cute to be real filled the room as the distinct smell of lotuses overwhelmed Mk’s nose as he just kept going and going, blow after blow after blow after-

“JESUS CHRIST KID, GIVE THE MAN A BREAK!!” His record broke with a laugh with the way Pigsy had to shout so loud just to be heard over Nezha’s screaming.

It was when Nezha was so weak that all he could do was tremble and laugh, that Wukong removed the feathers and poofed them into hair, when Mei and he finally-gently-placed him on the floor, and Mk had ceased his merciless tickling, that the man gulped down proper breath since the whole ordeal began.

“Ohohoho, that was golden!” Wukong laughed as he answered to Mk’s high five, Macaque snorting at the way Nezha curled up into a tight little ball, lotus petals surrounding and covering him as he lightly tried to fan his face in hopes of ridding the embarrassed and exhausted blush on his cheeks.

“You damn near killed him, you idiots.” Pigsy sighed in exasperation, looking over the mess that had become his shop within a matter of minutes in very heavy disappointment.

“What-” Nezha panted as he sat up, burning with the rest of his gradually dying embarrassment. “What was that!? Wha-what did you do??” Mk tilted his head in amused confusion, as did Mei and Wukong. “C’mon dude, it’s just tickling! It’s not like it can hurt ya!” Mei dismissed.

A silence was Nezha’s response.

Silence soon enveloped the shop.

“You…you do know what that is, right? Nezha?” Wukong asked with a tilt of his head, this one verging on the dangerous territory of ‘this better be a fucking joke or I swear to the Celestials-’

Nezha just stared at them like they’d grown three heads.

“Oh my God he doesn’t know what tickling is-”

“THE POOR BOIO-”

Nezha yelped as Mei latched onto him in a tight embrace, which caused Mk to automatically snort. Oh this was just sad, both the hilarious kind and also the not-hilarious kind.

Staying in one room to protect a map for thousands of years really must do something to ya, huh?

“I’m actually fucking remorseful. I send my regards.” Macaque hummed, before giving a half-assed salute. “See you on the other side, Lotus Prince.” And then he disappeared into the counter’s shadow. Just like the shifty monkey, doing something like that.

“This is gonna go terribly.” Tang interjected, polishing off his third bowl.

“I’m actually thinking of closing the shop for today, I can’t believe this.” Pigsy grumbled, retreating back into the safety of his kitchen.

Nezha, during all of this, seemed to grow even more confused as the multiple comments were shot fired, and he looked at Mk who only gave him a solemn grin, because even he wasn’t about to mess up what would be-

“This will be the greatest day of your life, Lotus Boy!”

The most disastrous day of his life, courtesy of the local menace, Mei.

“Now! First on my list would be some hands on experience-”

Nezha let out a shrill shriek as Mei’s hands immediately dive for his sides.

A shriek that will be just one of way, way, way too many to come.

[annabethy]

aurora // a 'tis the damn season au

Percy and Annabeth had something real. They fell in love somewhere between bookstore kittens and vintage novels with pages tinted yellow with time, and they were happy. It's rare, finding the type of love they did. It's even more rare making it last. (Chapter 8/8) (26.3k words, complete) Read on AO3

It all comes racing back.

Annabeth opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. Instead, his words repeat in her mind, echoing over and over, cutting deep.

Did you break up because you weren’t ready to be a wife, or because you weren’t ready to be his wife?

The reality is she already knows the answer. But she can’t say it out loud. Not when she’s looking into his eyes, green, curious as ever, but also with a hint of omniscience, like he knows the answer too. It would be too close to admitting she’s the one who tore them apart. She feels an influx of emotions: miserable, guilty, and somewhere deep inside, relief, because he gets it, even if he doesn’t really.

She can’t admit to any of it, so she admits to the next best thing: rage.

“Excuse me?”

Percy says nothing. He doesn’t have the decency to look embarrassed, but then again, he’s not really the one in the wrong. 

They stay silent after that for about ten seconds, but it’s tense, able to be cut through with a knife. The last time she felt like this was the day she last saw him, Percy unable to look her in the eyes. She had known how bad she hurt him, but she still walked away, leaving him stuck there cursing her name.

 It feels like it lasts a lot longer than it does.

“You left to get something better,” Percy says. “It seems to me like you found it, yet here you are in front of me. You can’t expect me not to question—”

“I can, actually.” Annabeth’s eyes are burned to his. “And I do. You have no right.”

He takes a deep breath, and he’s looking anywhere but her. She can see the gears turning in his head, juggling his words before he says them, not that it’ll matter. Annabeth’s lost, and there are a lot of things she doesn’t know, but what she does know is that no matter what he says, it’ll be the wrong thing. 

She’ll say anything to avoid admitting she was wrong. 

“I’m not trying to start a fight,” he tries, rubbing his palm over his face. “I just…what are we doing?”

“I got locked out. That’s it.”

“We both know it’s not.”

“Percy, please.”

Annabeth doesn’t know what she’s pleading for. She doesn’t know what they’re doing here. She had a life and things were good until they weren’t.

“I don’t get it,” Percy says, and she can hear him forcing patience into his voice. He was always better at this kind of thing, always giving her two minutes more than he should. “You could’ve called anyone, and yet you called me. I’m not mad or annoyed or anything, but I don’t get it. Why are you here?”

“I came to see my family.”

The pained look he gives her hurts more than anything. What is she doing? What is she doing?

“I’m trying so hard, Annabeth, but you’ve got to give me something to work with. Are you being serious when you say there’s nothing going on, or did you just miss home, or are you running…”

She’s running, but she’s not sure why.

Is she running away from Connor? From the life she was so close to having but didn’t want because there was always the whisper of a name from six years ago in the back of her mind? Reminding her that as great as Connor was, he was never enough because he had everything except one tiny thing.

(That tiny thing is that he wasn’t Percy).

Maybe she wasn’t running from anything after all. Maybe she was running to something. 

(To someone).

It turns out that years and thousands of miles doesn’t erase feelings like what they had. It might dull it a little bit, but returning home, returning to that person unveils what once was, leaving you wondering how you’d missed it all those years in the first place. She should’ve known better than to think she could come back here, like she wouldn’t fall right back into Percy’s arms, finding comfort in his lips against her own, or against her neck, his laugh low in her ear. All those Christmas movie cliches should’ve clued her in.

She can never admit any of it, though, because she has to go back, and Percy has to stay. None of it matters.

“What do you want from me, Percy?”

“I want you to talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about?”

“Yes, there is!” He places his palms on the dark wooden table, rocking back and forth. “You’ve been gone six years and the second that the idea of something new pops up, you come running back. You call me. Why?”

“Would you have liked me to call someone else?”

“Jesus…no, Annabeth. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m asking you what you want.”

“What do you want?” Annabeth says it bitingly, an attempt to scare him off. To get him to back down before she admits something that it seems he knows anyway. 

“I want you.”

There he goes.

Annabeth can’t help it when she starts to cry. It doesn’t matter who wants who because her life is in California, far far away from New York. She loves him, wonders what life would be like if she had taken the other road, or if he had followed her down the first one. She wants him too, but how? There is no fixing the mess she created.

“I’ll ask again. Why are you here?”

Annabeth doesn’t know, so she does the only thing she knows how. She fights. 

“It’s none of your fucking business!”

“It is! You come here, you let me kiss you, and you tell me it means nothing? I’m not an idiot, so please stop treating me like one!”

Annabeth sucks her teeth with a shaky breath. “It did. It meant nothing.”

Percy looks at her, disappointment evident in his eyes. She knows she shouldn’t, but she can’t help but focus on how attractive he looks right now in the dark of the bookstore. He’s frustrated, kind, beautiful, and she wants to run into his arms and apologize, but that was never her strong suit.

She hates that it’s come to this. She hates that because of her, she’d lost him. She hates that he isn’t hers anymore, that he’s been with other people, that above everything she’s forced him through, he’s here trying to fix what she’s broken. 

He laughs in her face. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

She is trying to convince herself, so she doesn’t say anything at all.

“Answer me.”

“I have a life, Percy!” The tears come faster, and she stares to her left as though she’s going to find the figure of her old self back in high school, playing with a stray cat between the shelves with Percy working somewhere else in the store, both of them blissfully unaware of the things to come. “I have a life. It doesn’t matter why I’m here, or if…if I’m running, or whatever else you think I’m doing. This isn’t my home, and I have to go back in two days.”

“I’m not asking you to give any of that up!” 

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying you can have me!”

The world comes to a halt.

“I wish I could read your mind,” he tells her, rushed, “but I can’t. All I know is that you’ve been fine for six years, and then Connor proposed, and you were on my doorstep kissing me as though nothing changed.”

“Stop!” Annabeth wipes furiously at her eyes. “It doesn’t matter!”

“It does matter because I’m right here, and you’re pushing me away!”

“Why are you making it so difficult for me to walk away?” It comes out wobbly, pleading. “You don’t think I know the heart I’m breaking is my own?”

Annabeth has always known Percy well. She’s always been able to predict his actions and his words, to know what he’s thinking before even he knows. It was for that reason that it was never easy for him to surprise her back when they were together. She’d always prided herself on finding someone so perfect, a twin flame, but now, things are different.

For the first time, he surprises her.

“Your own?” His words send chills down her spine. “Are you fucking kidding me? Your own?”

“Percy–”

“I know you think that the world revolves around you, but it doesn’t! Believe it or not, there are other people around you who feel the consequences of your actions! You are not perfect! You hurt other people! You are selfish and stubborn and can’t admit when you’re wrong! You run from everyone who actually cares about you!”

Annabeth sobs. “Stop it!”

“You are not the only person here, Annabeth! God, how do you think I felt when you left? Did you ever once stop to think about me?”

There’s nothing for her to say.

“You are not the only person who got hurt here. Did you know I’ve spent six years wishing you’d come home so I could scream at you? You hurt me. I’ve been stuck here in this…this limbo, somewhere nothing ever happens except the same high school drama from people who were never given the opportunity to grow up. I’d wished you would come back, or that I hadn’t stayed in the first place, but you came back, I tried so hard to be mad. I told myself I would never forgive you, but then I saw you in my bookstore petting the stupid cat and everything changed because I knew that even if I was hurt, you were too. I love you and I can’t be mad at you no matter how much I should be, and I cannot let you leave without saying what I should’ve said the first time.”

Annabeth squeezes her eyes shut. When they open again, Percy’s gaze is softer, but his hands stay placed on the counter. She thinks it’s because if he moves, it’ll be to take her in his arms, and even he knows better than to do that. So instead, he watches her with soft, understanding eyes because he loves her and he knows why she’s back, even if she can’t admit it to herself.

“In a few days, you are going back to California,” he says. “But right now, you’ve here with me.”

“Right now won’t last forever.”

“You’re right,” he says. “Not unless you let it.”

Annabeth is seven years old again, and she knows nothing about the world. There had been times in her life where she thought she figured things out, but then she really grew up and she was back to seven years old.

“You need to go back to California, but this isn’t the same as six years ago.” Percy looks around the bookstore. “There’s nothing for me here anymore. This place…it doesn’t make me happy in the way it used to, but you do.”

Her heart pounds in her chest. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” Percy lifts his hand, and his fingers twitch. “Now I’m asking you to let me.”

Annabeth knows nothing about the world. Maybe that’s okay.

She doesn’t think that coming home for the holidays is supposed to hurt this much. She shouldn’t ache the way she does, and she shouldn’t take the step towards Percy that she does, just like Percy shouldn’t be so fast to open himself to her, pulling her in, letting her dig her face into his neck, ignoring the tears that dampen his skin. 

Nothing is as it should be, and for once, she’s thankful. She breathes him in, wonders if he can feel her pulse over the sobs she lets out into her chest.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out, but he only holds her tighter. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” he breathes, lips pressed to the top of her head. She thinks he’s crying too. “It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going to lose you again. I can’t.”

And so it goes unsaid what’s going to happen after this. 

Annabeth is going to leave because East Aurora, New York was never really her home. She’s going to follow the first path she took, but this time, she’s going to uncover what lies behind the road not taken. 

She lifts her head, and the next thing she knows, his lips are pressed to hers. It’s not enough–it’s never enough when it comes to them–but that’s okay, because they have time. The kiss is salty, either her tears or his, but she leans into it. He grabs her face, surrounds her, forgives her. 

“I know you can’t stay,” he breathes into her. “Let me go with you.”

Annabeth can see how this is going to end.

It’ll be an adjustment. It’ll take a while, but in a few months, she’ll be in California again. He’ll be by her side. She’ll have to reconstruct her life, reconcile with old friends if they’ll have her. They might not, because she hurt their friend when she chose Percy (even if she didn’t know that’s what she was doing at the time). It doesn’t matter because he’ll be with her every step. They get a do-over, a chance to travel an old dusty road, to live the way she thought was gone forever. There is a lot to fix and a lot to figure out, but she knows that more than anything, she has him. 

For the first time in six years, everything is okay.

[chuyasthighs0]

i have a request, can you please do Nikolai, Sigma, fyodor, Dazai, tecchno notice Medusa tattoo on the reader body but they don't know what it means so they search by their own and find out and rest you know. Thank you

Absolutely,for those who don’t the Medusa tattoo is a symbol of strength for SA survivors.

Also note if you do have this tattoo please know that you are strong and loved,hope you are doing well

Strength is beauty

implied establish relationship

Nikolai

• He first noticed it when he saw you pull up your jumper sleeves when it got slightly warmer,revealing the tattoo of Medusa on your forearm

•It made him curious wondering what meaning it had to it

•So he went off going to do his own research

•^^He spent hours of doing it until he got a general idea of what it meant

•He started feeling more sad after finding out the tattoo’s meaning

•After understand it he would go to you and hug you whilst being way more quiet no usual “Hey Dove” or “Y/n!” being screamed

•Honestly it scared you a little of how quiet he was but yet again you liked how gentle he was being

•Petting your head and peppering kisses on the crown of it

•His hand sliding down your arm as he then stops hovering near the tattoo,it clicked

•As he looked into your eyes and asked if it was okay,you told him it was as he traced his thumb over it.

“You’re so strong my dear,you truely deserve the best out of everyone in this world.”

•You back into his eyes seeing the empathy in them,feeling the smile break on your face as tears trickle down your cheeks.

•Realising that Nikolai was there the whole time and even though the wounds are almost healed

it put your heart at ease that you weren’t alone

•That point on he always is a bit more defensive of you,his demeanour becomes more threatening if anyone tries to make you uncomfortable

Sigma

•Sigma had noticed your tattoo when he accidentally walked into you changing your shirt only catching a glimpse of it being on your stomach before he immediately apologised and shut the door quickly

•But is made you wonder why you would have that tattoo so of course he went off researching

in the spare time between work and you

•He’ll be on his computer researching the tattoo and more about Medusa,he wants to fully understand it

•It’ll be a couple of later when you guys are both off work,he’s more close and always asking more times than usual if he could be affectionate

•You could tell something was up with him but brushed it off but when it came to the end of the day you realised why he was like this

•You were about to shower and had call him over to help unhook your bra but you see his gaze through the mirror looking down at your stomach and at the tattoo

•His eyebrows knit as you could tell he was mustering up the words

“I love you and if you need to talk about it at all I’m always here.”

•Afterwards he uses more of his authority if anyone tries anything against you especially when it’s in his casino

Fyodor

•Fyodor first caught glimpse of it was when he was about to go off somewhere and he was kissing the back of your hand.When he did he saw the tattoo peeking out from the under your long shirt sleeve

•And the thought it remained in his mind for ages

•So when he had free time and wasn’t off planning devious things,he started his research

•^^He had an idea of who Medusa was to begin with,he would research the symbolism behind the tattoo

•To make sure he full understand also went out to various libraries,reading through books

•So when he got back from his travel,seeing you in the kitchen with your sleeves rolled up whilst you cook

•Not noticing him coming up from behind and hugging you

•The way you greet him with such a smile on your face makes him think how this world is too cruel,although he comes off as sinister your probably one of the only people he hold dearly

•He won’t be obvious that he knows and will always keep an eye on you and if he can’t he’ll have Nikolai or Sigma to do so for him

•Maybe just maybe his plans for the future alter

Dazai

•A man who’s also depicted to be lazy and indulges heavily into his curiosities a lot this is another one of those moments.

•He’s at home due to the summer heat and somehow he convinced you to stay after whining for so long

•After his little “tantrum” as you could put it you came out wearing a tank top and shorts with your hair tied up,deciding to do some housework while you get the chance

•Not noticing Dazai’s intense stares into your back as it was the first time he saw the tattoo

and he wanted to know it’s meaning

•So he took the liberty of researching before trying to bring it up or making it obvious after all he’s working on trying to be better with his emotions since he now has you

•He clicks the first thing that comes up and his faces just goes ‘oh’

•How would such a beautiful person like yourself,be hurt so badly

•After that he becomes clingy(not that he isn’t already),hugging from behind.

•Tracing and kissing it as your laugh serenades him,now he just needs a name

Tetcho

•First time writing something about him so from what I observed(is that how I should put it).He’s really serious and focused on work and his relationship with you.

•It’s one of those rare moments when you see him due to his line of work….

•He’ll be home and see you resting on the couch while the TV is home,setting down his hat and discarding his sword somewhere.He just sits on the floor infront of you.

•Noticing the tattoo on your wrists and he just stares intensely not in a creepy way or in a work focused way but a curious one

•He then proceeds to call Jouno because maybe he’ll know something but it ends harshly with a brief “I don’t know,go look it up.”

•So he takes his advice and he gets a little confused but he’s determined to understand just for your sake

•Next morning you wake up with a “What’s their name” as you look confused,one when did he get home and two what does he mean by that

A/n:Been on hiatus due to exams but I’m back feel free to request anything that follows with my writing rules

[rainfallnightmare]

Chapter 1

------------------------------------------------------------

Cursed Moon and Sun x Y/n Curse AU

Warning: Gaslighting

Word count: 1223

-------------------------------------------------------------

May 8

Y/N POV:

It was one rainy day. Music was playing, the area was quiet and I was enjoying my book since today was a peaceful day…So I thought. As I turn the page of my book to start reading the next part. My cell phone started to ring as I let out a sigh and put my marker in the spot before I closed the book. "Who is calling me now at this time" Placing the book down next to me as I picked up the phone to see who the caller was this time.

It was Lucas

"This better be a good reason why you're calling me" I said to myself before I pressed the answer button. "About time you answered, I thought you died or something" Lucas said in his usual sarcastic tone when he talks to anyone. "What do you want Lucas, this isn't the usual time you call?" Lucas was one of my friends that is the one that found us places to go treasure hunting when we have free time.

"I have some good news" Lucas said as he was excited about something. "What would that be?" As much as I hate being the curious type. Lucas and the others always find a way to peak my interest unless it's something I was really against. "I found a mansion that is abandoned" I was surprised when I heard about this from him. "How can you be so sure that this mansion that you're talking about is completely abandoned?" As much as it would be cool to see a mansion in person.

I was very skeptical to know that a mansion was abandoned. Not that I don't believe it but I had a feeling hearing this from him wasn't gonna be good.

“When have I ever lied to you or the others?” Lucas said and my eyes twitched for a moment. I could recall a number of times but I wasn't gonna say them. “Okay then, what does it have to do with me?” I have a feeling why he called but I wanted to hear it from him since he was the one who called me.

“The others and I want you to join us on this treasure hunt”

I knew it, I had a feeling that he was thinking of dragging me along with everyone to go treasure hunting. I wanted a break cause we were doing some treasure hunting for the past week and I wanted some alone time. “Don’t you think a break would be nice, we've been treasure hunting for a week now” I said honestly to him since Lucas tends to not listen unless you’re being blunt with him.

“Oh do I hear a scaredy cat among us” Lucas snickered as he continued to try and convince me. “Don’t be like that Y/n, everyone is gonna be there and it’ll be a shame that you skipped out on us cause you wanted a break” This bastard and his gaslight are so annoying. I really didn’t want to go but if it would make him stop annoying me and leave me alone, then I’ll do it.

“Fine, but this is the last one and I’m doing doing treasure hunting for awhile”

Hearing a yes sound on the other side of the phone. I sighed in regret knowing it was going to be a long night. When he told me who was coming to get me. I ended the call and went to get dressed since we were going to the abandoned mansion tonight even tho it was raining. “I hope today will be a quick one quick one” When I got dressed and ready for today's treasure hunt.

I heard a knock on my front door. Going over to see who it was, I knew it was my ride. “Are you ready to go Y/n?” Tracy asked and I nodded my head since today I was gonna make it my last night doing treasure hunting for a while. As Tracy drives up to the location where everyone was waiting for us. I took a good look at the building that was supposed to be abandoned and saw that it was clearly in a slight rough condition.

“Everyone, look who showed up” Lucas announced as he pointed in my direction. I rolled my eyes as Lucas just smirked in victory before he headed towards the building and locked picks at the door. “Are you sure this is a good idea!” I shouted at Lucas who was struggling a little to get the door to unlock itself with his lockpick tools.

“You worry too much scaredy cat!” Lucas shouted back as he managed to unlock the doors. Soon everyone went in quickly to get out of the rain. Once inside, Lucas tells everyone that they can start looking as he takes off in excitement.

Everyone soon split off to search the whole mansion as I just simply walked around to see what the place had stored. When I walked up the set of stairs to the second floor. I could hear the wind kicking up and rattle the windows as the rain picked up even heavier. Just when I was about to open one of the room doors. I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder that caused me to yelp in surprise. “It’s just me Y/n” It was Tracy as she looked a bit spooked. “What’s the matter?” I asked and Tracy placed something in my hand in a hurry before leaving. Confused on what was all that was about, I looked at my hand to see a necklace was placed in my hand.

Carefully examining the necklace that was given to me. I held the center of the necklace to a light to see that the jewelry had a multi color stone in the middle. It had A sun embroidery on one side of the stone and A moon on the other side. It was a celestial necklace that must have been made for a very wealthy person. “It’s beautiful, I wonder why Tracy gave it to me?” With so many questions in my head. I shook it off and decided to put the necklace on as it was cool around my neck but I didn’t want to risk losing it.

As the first step I took towards the hallway happened. I was suddenly covered in darkness as everything just started to disappear. “W-what the?!” I did know what was going on or why it was all dark of a sudden. Soon as I turned around, I saw a white figure in the distance pointing at me.

“How unfortunate, looks like I have a new victim to play with” The figure said in a womanly tone as my eyes widened in both shock and horror. “Why me!’ I didn’t understand what this figure wanted from me but I can tell it was not a good sign. Without saying a word, dark figures started to form around and growled in my direction. “Fetch me their soul” The figure command and all the shadow figures started to rush towards me as I covered myself for the impact.

“Not on our watch”

That was the first and last thing I heard before the darkness took over and I blacked out.

[theproperweirdo]

Oop I did not expect literally anyone else to read that so sorry if it came off that I was just bashing the Arena story. Apparently the wiki I’ve been using to gather most of my info from is more or less unreliable (if anyone has any recommendations where I can watch a play-through please please please I do not have the time to play arena myself but I crave lore).

That said considering the new information I’ve been given it seems fair to revise why the lore in Journey was so janked up. Which does bring me to my next question which I’ll explain more once I’ve recompiled but I stg google is 0 help for finding any Arena information ;-;

A. How often are new characters introduced to Arena?

And

B. (These are open to anyone who plays Arena cus I’m super curious) How do you feel about power creep when it comes to new characters?

B part 2. Do you think Arena is F2P friendly or mostly appeals to whales exclusively?

(It’ll make sense later just bare with me I’m on break rn lol)

Because there’s something a tad bit fishy I noticed in Journey that could be one of the reasons for the Great Lore Schism™

P.S. I may not know Arena lore but if you ever are in need of up to date Journey lore I am at your service o7

No need to apologize! It’s actually pretty hard to gather all the info and lore in arena, because it’s all fragmented into item descriptions, character stories, events, etc. The wiki is sparse so I just tried to sift thru everything plus the art books on my own

I have these old slides I haven’t finished, but if ur interested I can finally finish them and put them up online. It’s the timeline of Esperia from its beginning to now in game.

A. They release a new character about once a month? More frequently than that, maybe. It’s pretty fucking insane actually 💀💀

B. The power creep is usually HORID 😭😭 I’m like a mid tier player, but I’m in a competitive guild so I still need to keep up. The players I go up against are always insanely strong 💀

B2. F2P friendly enough to enjoy periodically, but if you aim to get anywhere in game it’s definitely P2W 😢 not cheap either, I’m a sardine but my guild mates always have the awakened a maxed out a little after release and i don’t know how they aren’t broke

Wanted to say thanks for the “asks” (are they asks?? Idk) they’re very enjoyable to respond to :3c

[utterlyinevitable]

Where It Begins (28/?)

↪ series masterlist  

28. Boiler, boiler (cake & troubles)

Pairing: Colin Bridgerton x Penelope Featherington   Format: textfic   Chapter Rating: T+ A/N: why didn't anyone tell me the longer images were hard to read?? to remedy that i'm doing plain text. hope you don't mind :)

Summary: Domestic interlude & a valentines day mix up

8th February

Colin: I’ve got five days free. Fancy a friend?

Pen: Don’t think you’ll wanna stay here

Colin: Too bad. I’m already on my way. What’s wrong?

Pen: Boilers broken. Haven’t had heat or a hot shower in three days.

Colin: Seriously!? Have you spoken to the building manager??

Pen: I’ve showered at the gym at work so I’m not stinky. BM is waiting for the landlord to approve works to be carried out

Colin: He could be off on a remote holiday for all we know! Gotta be breaking some sort of code at this rate.

Pen: It’ll get sorted. You can stay here just know I don’t have hot water. In most cases that’s a dealbreaker.

Colin: Sure it will.

Pen: Don’t do anything rash and get me evicted.

Colin: I would never. See you tomorrow afternoon 😘

-

He placed his keys ever so gingerly on the designated house-shaped plate by the door and toed off his trainers, careful not to make excessive noise. All the lights in the apartment turned out for the night save for the kitchen lamp always serving as a nightlight. It's well past midnight, Colin can't blame her for not waiting up - he is half a day late after all.

He strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed behind her, arm wrapping around her belly and cuddling in close like always, naturally. Penelope smells fresh and clean, but there's a lingering of the rare and expensive gardenia perfume he likes so much in her hair. He takes a deep breath, savoring.

"Sorry," he mutters next to her ear. "One delay led to another."

Pen hummed, still held by sleep but rolling from her belly and further into him.

"Did the plumber come?"

"Yea. How much do I owe you?" She cranes her neck, turning to look up over her shoulder with those beautifully heavy eyes of hers.

"Nothing," he says as he pushes some of her wild hair out of her face. An overwhelming urge to kiss her senseless overcomes him, but he settles for a lingering kiss to her forehead.

"Colin…"

"Think of it as rent for all my freeloading."

She’s too tired to argue, so she huffs and nuzzles back into her pillow.

Colin had the most peaceful sleep he’s had in weeks, cold room and hassling from his older brothers be damned.

***

13th February 9:13

Pen: Running a few errands, didn't want to wake you. Breakfast in a bag on the counter xx

11:18

Colin: Thank you ❤️

12:04

Colin: Heading out for a bit - when will you be home?

14:46

Pen: On my way back now!

-

Colin padded to the kitchen to find a brown box of delectable danishes waiting for him and a yellow post-it on top in her quick scrawl;

All yours! Just save me an eclair :)

He smiles at how well she knows him, and how she knows he'd always save her the last (and only in this case) eclair. That smile tugging at his cheeks as Colin grabs his French press and boils the water, beginning to make himself a cuppa. When he opens the fridge to reach for the milk, there's a pink box a great deal larger than the pastry box taking up the middle shelf. Nothing if not endlessly curious, Colin carefully slides the box out from where it's been skillfully wedged into the small appliance and peeks in. His heart stops and so do his breaths. There's a red heart-shaped cake staring back at him.

His blood runs hotter than the boiling bubbles behind him, that smile wanes until it's practically linear on his pressed lips.

They didn't speak about Valentine's Day, or any of the implications of it. Truthfully the holiday didn't even cross Colin's mind; and he certainly didn't purposefully plan to visit her this weekend. A happy coincidence really. But come to think of it, it is weird that he didn't book up anything anywhere. It's his job to capitalise on holidays and relevant social media-centric events, but he forgot? Doesn't the calendar in his phone automatically add holidays? He'll have to check that. Honestly how is it possible that Colin didn't put the pieces together? It's the most romantic day of the year! And he and Pen are...

Colin can only assume he didn't think they weren't doing anything considering their... roommate (the word makes him want to vomit) status. And because he leaves in the morning.

But the cake! The terrifying, gorgeous gesture of cake is staring him right in the face. That smile returns as a smirk and there's sparkles in his steps causing Colin to flit about on a new course of action. He immediately forgoes coffee, shoves a croissant in his gob and rushes to put clothes on. The boy is on a mission to not bungle this up.

When Colin returns home - lilacs and tulips in hand - Penelope is still nowhere to be found. Disappointing but also lucky, he can truly take this one step further; so Colin sets up some wine glasses on the little dining table, leaves space for the cake to take center stage, and picks a couple petals off the bouquet to tastefully scatter around the table. He’s not sure what she has planned for dinner, so he waits.

Pops on a fresh shirt and cologne, and waits.

Waits for 80 minutes.

Then, she comes home… with Sophie.

The two girls are giggling and Pen has a silk scarf over Sophie’s eyes. “Wait wait wait, you’re gonna LOVE this!” Pen laughs as she tries to tug her keys out of the lock once more than necessary, most definitely tipsy. She doesn’t even see him sitting stiffly on the couch as to not muss up his look, a book in hand.

She pads to the fridge and gasps so loudly. “What the-” Colin watches carefully as Pen starts to twirl around, eyes frantic and head swiveling, looking everywhere in the kitchen to find her surprise.

Finally, her eyes land on the impeccably decorated table.

“Oh my god!”

“What? What is it!?” Sophie all but shrieks from her spot she was left in, her hands hovering over her hair unsure if she should tear the blindfold off or not. 

Colin’s sheepish and besottedly bemused voice finally makes its appearance, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

Penelope twirls to see him rising from the couch with an amused smirk on his handsome face hiding the awkwardness he feels. Her blush pink lips are parted and her eyes are so comically wide it'd be hilarious in any other situation but this. She goes to say something, and Colin waits with bated breath. It's the same moment Sophie rips the blindfold off. 

“You GUYS!” she shrieks at the romantic setting before her. Her eyes meet Pen's, her soulful blue eyes blown and dilatated. “I am crashing your evening. I should go.” 

“No no no,” Pen turns from Colin, grabs Sophie’s wrist and tugs her closer to look over the cake. “I got this for you! For our Galentine's day tomorrow.” 

All three of them move across the room to peer at the writing on the cake that so delicately reads: You Fine AF. Sophie giggles, then the two of them burst out laughing. The two girls are consumed by a fit of uncontrollable laugher, falling and hugging one another. 

Colin takes that as his cue to cut the cake, and maybe grab two glasses of water too. 

This could have gone worse...

-

Two cups of tea and one hour later, Sophie skittered off and Colin and Pen have mostly finished clearing up the faux pas. He's washed and dried the dishes with nothing else to do as Pen masterfully fits the baked goods back in the fridge. It's so unbelievably quiet save for the rustling she's doing and the pounding embarrassment in his ears. They can't go on like this.

Colin leans up against the counter, tapping and pressing his fingers into the hard surface to distract himself, to seem so nonchalant about the whole failed affair.

"I apologize for- I thought…"

He can see her shake her head once from where his eyes are glued to the floor. "It’s fine. You didn’t know."

"Do you want... I should have asked if you wanted to do something instead of assuming..."

"It’s fine Colin." It might be his imagination but Colin swear she slammed the fridge shut. "We don’t have that kind of relationship."

"We...don't?"

"We’re friends."

"Friends, yea." But we're more than that, he wants to add. Will wish he had later when he's replaying this evening over and over in his head.

"Neither of us are looking for something serious," she asserts, her flickering gaze pinning him in place.

"Right."

There's an awkward silence as he stares at her, silently imploring for elaboration and she's looking anywhere but at him.

Penelope finds a spot on the ceiling behind him, takes in a breath and Colin has chills, the kind of chills you get before you drop on a rollercoaster or entering a haunted house, the anticipation of a good time but the dread of the unknown. "That’s why this works. You’re off gallivanting, living your dreams. And I’m making a name for myself in my own way."

His heart drops.

"I - yeah. Yeah, you’re right." He forces a smile as his catches a glimpse of the bouquet, the last remanent of his mild attempt at romantics.

"Did you pick up dinner? I’m starved."

[sessakag]

Hi! I just got done reading Butterfly and it’s literally 5:07am😭

It made me tear up reading it. Currently, I don’t like how Naruto is using Hinata but hopefully little by little he’ll stop caring about his main plan and genuinely starts to like her, even as a friend. Slowly letting her in his heart. Opening up to her and her to him. Enjoying her company more than anyone else’s. I kinda see it with how patient he’s trying to be with her, how every little movement and expression she makes, he takes note of it and is curious about her even more. How she’ll make him stop and think and take time to appreciate the stuff around him. Him introducing her to gaming and things she never got to experience.

I’m hoping he’ll invite her to his house to study and she’ll meet Kushina and Minato. See how loving his parents are and Kushina ends up really liking her and they cook together. Minato being kind to her more than her father ever was. Making Hinata open up even more. Show her how family is supposed to be. Her making friends with Naruto’s friends especially Shino and Kiba. Them realizing that Naruto stopped hanging with Hinata just for the sake of his plan. That he genuinely likes her and is an idiot to even realize it yet. How Sakura will take it when she finds him slowly moving on and Kurenai seeing Hinata’s progress.

I’ve been wondering if Sasuke’s ever gonna show up? Are his parents alive? Are they in the police force? Is that how Naruto will find out what happened to Hinata? Will Sasuke and Hinata meet in this? Be friends? Unintentionally make Naruto feel jealous? Will Naruto remember her even if was a fleeting moment? Will he remember her eyes? Her lack of shoes? Giving her a sandwich? Will the continuous attention she gets for hanging with him, make her have another attack? Maybe even worse? Will he realize that Hinata really isn’t okay but is trying her damn best? Will she smile and laugh like she wishes she could? Talk more? Will she share her story with him? Will she find out that he was using her and she’ll think every kindness and gesture he has done for her wasn’t real? I think it’ll break her, make her spiral. There’s so many questions I have.

I’m sorry this’s long. I just really really really enjoyed Butterfly a lot. I see why you have the title as that. Can’t wait to see Hinata grow and heal!

Oh wow! Sorry to keep you up that late 😂 but I'm glad you enjoyed reading Butterfly. It's very dear and very personal to me out of most of my fics ❤️ I love that story and have so many plans for it.

Naruto's actions aren't exactly noble right about now, he's got a lot to learn about the world around him and himself, things Hinata will indeed teach him directly and indirectly, he just needs a little time 😊it's going to be a journey with those two for sure.

Based on your words, I know you'll enjoy the interactions and reactions of the Uzumaki family and Naruto's friends to this new dynamic.

You'll learn more about Sasuke as time goes on, I usually have those two as buddy buddy friends at the jump but I wanted to do something different this time around 😊hopefully his place in the story is interesting for you and everybody reading.

You certainly have quite a few questions and they shall be answered over the course of this trilogy 🥰

I don't mind the length at all, I actually enjoyed reading through this! Thank you for reading and letting me in on your thoughts about it! :D

Butterfly

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Twenty-One: In Order to Avoid Misfortune…

Summary: Being a psychic is not an ideal life, at least for Saiki Kusuo. Didn’t you read/watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K to know that? Still, this isn’t about him, not really. Instead, let’s focus on his one and only friend, Akari Watanabe, who is also quite abnormal. You might not believe that Saiki would actually have a friend, but that’s what fanfictions are about, right?  

Word Count: 2759

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THE CLASS WAS BUZZING WITH CURIOUS AND EXCITEMENT as everyone was talking about the same thing. Like normal, Akari was not invested in knowing what they were gushing over, since she figured it was something stupid and/or uninteresting. Though fate(or the authors) had other plans for her. Apparently there was some sort of new attraction that had come into town. A fortune teller or psychics like that wasn’t interesting to Akari and honestly didn’t wanna hear about it. Why would she when her best friend can do it for real? Sure, Saiki isn’t exactly a fortune-teller but he can see the future to some degree. Either way, Akari doesn’t care about knowing something like the future. What would she do with that knowledge? She doesn’t see an advantage for her with something like knowing her fortune. Sure, knowing what’s unknown can be interesting, but when it’s something like the future, she'd rather not know. Besides, who knows if it’s true or not? Well, Saiki would know, but still.

It seemed like every student had gone to the new fortune-teller. A girl asked Yumehara Chiyo, “Did you go to the fortune-teller, Chiyo?”

“It was great!” She exclaimed, “She said that after my break up, I would find a new boyfriend!”

Outside, her ex was getting asked the same question by his friend, “Takeru, how did it go with the fortune-teller?”

“It was great.” He cheered happily, “She said I would get back together with Chiyo.”

Akari was in her normal place, sitting on Saiki’s desk as they observed the class. She watched her classmates all gossip and gush about the new exciting thing. Though the two of them were nowhere near interested. Saiki blinked, “Well, someone’s fortune is off.”

‘Obviously, the fortune-teller is just telling them what they want to hear.’ Akari rolled her eyes. Going to see a fortune-teller means, in Akari’s opinion, that they were going to lie to the people to come in to make them happy and make money. She couldn’t care less about this “fortune-teller” and who went to see her. People can do what they want and believe what they want. She just wouldn’t go to one for trivial things. So hopefully she could avoid it at all cost. Oh, how naive she is.

Kaido slid over to the pair as he laughed at how childish he found all the gossiping was, “How foolish. Fortune-tellers are just a bunch of frauds pretending to know the future.”

Finding himself agreeing with Kaido, Saiki nodded his head, “We normally don’t have the same opinion.” Honestly, there aren’t any moments in time that he would ever agree with the eighth-grade minded boy. It’s quite surprising.

“Forget that.” Kaido suddenly turned very serious, “I need to talk to you about something important. Come with me. Did you notice something strange in this town?” Obviously, this had something to do with his Jet-Black Wings persona. What exactly it is they aren’t sure, but it’ll be stupid none the less.

Saiki just stared at him, “Now, you are a fraud pretending to know something. Can’t you ask anyone else?”

Akari took it to translate for Saiki, to try and seem a bit nicer. “No thank you Kaido, we can’t today.”

Kadio jumped at the girl’s soft voice. Unsurprisingly not noticing her sitting right in front of him. He embarrassedly scratched the back of his neck, “Ah! Right, okay Watanabe.” The disappointed boy said as he mopped away at the rejection of his friends. It was somewhat sad to Akari to see him mope like that, but it wasn’t like she wanted to go out on his little  

Nendo then came up to them, “Pal! Gal pal! Did you hear about the fortune-speaker?”

“It’s fortune-teller.” Saiki corrected, “I’m already sick of it.”

“We can buy the comic book on Thursday…” Though Saiki nor Akari were paying attention to Nendo as he started to ramble.

Saiki sighed, “That is bad.”

Akari shook her head. ‘Why do I have a feeling that something is going to happen.’ Oh, Akari, your feeling is more than right.

The pair of super-powered teens were walking through the city, just minding their own business. Saiki had wanted to head out for some food, and of course Akari had tagged along. They were most likely gonna head for their favorite cafe and get their regular snacks. After all they do this just about everyday after school. It’s their own little ritual that they rarely diverge from. They may not be the most normal people, or have the most normal lives, but things like these give them the perfect illusion of normalcy. Where they could sit in the same booth at the same cafe, order the same food and enjoy some peace and quiet. Now doesn’t that just sound average and normal! In my opinion, that sounds boring, but to each their own.

Though before they could enjoy their time together, they came upon a large group of people standing on the sidewalk. They were all in line waiting for something, obviously. “Is this where the fortune-teller is?” Saiki said as they stared at the long line. It appeared that the fortune-teller was popular beyond just their school. 

Akari pursed her lips, ‘There’s more people here than I thought.’

Some random girl asked her friend, “How was it, Kiyomi?”

The girl squealed, “Listen! I am fated to be with Kento Yamazaki!”

Saiki shrugged his shoulders slightly, “If they enjoy it, I suppose it is harmless.” That’s true, what harm did this bring them? As long as he and Akari didn’t get dragged into it, then it wasn’t going to affect them. Though the pink-haired teen then noticed an ill-disguised boy in the line as well. Really, a mask and sunglasses is not going to hide who he was. “That is Kaido. What is he doing here?” He heard Kaido’s thoughts about being here just to make sure Dark Reunion wasn’t bothering this fortune-teller or something. “Excuses. The fortune-telling seems suspicious.”

Another girl came running out of the building while exclaiming, “She said I can date Kendo Yamazaki!”

“Kento Yamazaki is cheating on you.”

The fortune-teller then called out, “Next in line, please come in.” Of course, the next person was Kaido. This was going to be a doozy. 

Turning himself invisible Saiki decided to follow him in, “Let me observe this.”

‘I’ve got to see this too.’ Akari allowed herself to turn completely into a shadow that melted onto the ground. She slithered across the ground behind Saiki as they entered the room. She wanted to be able to blend in even more and not be perceived at all. So if anyone really paid attention, they would just see sharp yellow eyes within the inky darkness.

So Kaido walked into the room with his invisible stalkers watching as he was greeted by the fortune-teller. She is an older woman with some heavy make-up, long brown hair and wearing a purple cloak. The atmosphere that she created in this room is certainly on the nose for a fortune-teller. Is it too much? Maybe but no ones gonna think too much about it. Besides, it must add to the mystery about her and her work. 

“Welcome to the house of fortune-telling.” She said to Kaido, “Please sit.”

Kaido even seemed a bit suspicious of it, “Okay.”

Saiki took in their surroundings, “She got the atmosphere right.” Hey, we said that already!

“Nice to meet you.” She said, “I am Clairvoyance Mikiko.”

“That name alone is suspicious.”

“How may I help you?”

Kaido shuffled slightly in his seat, “Well, I’m not here for some advice…”

Saiki read his mind and was nearly impressed, “Looks like he’s not sure about her, too.”

‘So maybe he isn’t as naive as we thought.’ Akari’s haunting voice said hopefully. 

Though that sentamiet was lost when the fortune-teller reeled in Kaido by saying, “What’s this? You have a very different aura from other people.”

Kaido gasped, “What?” She truly was real if she could sense that!

She continued to ham it up, “You’re not normal. Do you have any special skills?”

Both Saiki and Akari sighed, and now she hooked him with her ruse. “It’s over for him. You overreacted. She can tell what you want to hear.”

“You are struggling with a problem, right?” Mikiko asked.

Kaido was in shock that she knew that, “How do you know that?”

Saiki shook his head, “People without problems don’t come here.”

“Let me guess.” Mikiko started to ramble, “Romantic problems are very common, but that is not your problem. Your studies or future is not what you’re worried about either. It’s your friends and relationships…” Kaido gasped out dramatically at her “guess” about his problems. “That’s it! You are having problems with your friends or relationships.”

Kaido appeared to be more than amazed by her. “How could you tell?”

‘He’s as easy to read as a book.’ Akari commented boredly. Yea, she tolerates Kaido and accepts him to be a friend, but she can admit that he’s very stupid.

He then started to go on about his delusions, “That’s right. I have problems. There are things in this world that only I have seen. I learned of this secret organization.”

Mikiko played along with him, “I know how you feel.”

“I’m used to struggling. But at times, I ponder. It’s a lonely path. I don’t have anyone whom I can call a companion.”

Behind all of his delusion and fantasy, the fortune-teller could tell what the issue is, “You are talking a lot, but basically…”

Saiki summed it up, “He can’t make friends.”

“You’re looking for someone who would understand you.” She said wisely, “To do so, you must understand them first.”

Her words surprised both Akari and Saiki who were sure that she would just spout out some spiritual ruse to “help” him. Perhaps she was providing some actual advice.

“That is actually good advice.” Saiki said, “I misjudged her a little.”

She then slid a box across the table, “Look at this.”

‘A necklace?’ Akari asked with her yellow eyes narrowing. She already knew what was going to happen here.

“You should wear this necklace.” It was a silver necklace that honestly looked super cheap.

“What is this?” Kaido wondered.

Mikiko nodded happily, “If you wear this, you will make 100 friends, including Kento Yamazaki.”

Saiki was more than confused about Mikiko's obsession, “Did she just memorize Kento Yamazaki’s name?”

“I can give you this necklace for ¥30,000.”

Kaido gasped in shock, “It’s ¥30,000?”

“Ridiculous.” Saiki rolled his eyes.

Akari snapped, ‘Only an idiot would buy that.’

So Kaido was more than willing to cough up some money for it, “I’ll buy it.”

Akari sighed, ‘Of course he will.’ Why did she even think that he might not buy the ridiculous necklace? 

Saiki turned around and was more than ready to leave the poor boy by himself, “I can’t waste my time with this idiot.” He motioned for Akari to follow him and she had half the mind to follow him out, but she also wanted to make sure that Kaido was okay.

“Tell me one thing.” Akari and Saiki paused as Kaido asked, “Will this necklace make Saiki my friend?”

Akari glanced over at Saiki’s stoic expression. A part of her wished that Saiki opened up a bit more to make some friends. Granted, no matter what he did people just forced him into friendships whether he liked it or not. However, she does think that it would be good for him to make friends himself. There were plenty of people who wanted to be friends with him. Sure, some of them are annoying, but if he opens up a bit more he can pick his good friends easily.

Mikiko was more than willing to agree to that, “If you wear it, even Saiki will call you his pal.”

Saiki scoffed, “Why would I do that?” Yea, it’s absurd to imagine him doing that! I mean, he would never be that happy towards anyone… well, almost anyone.

So Kiaido was more than happy to pay for the necklace and use it to get friends, “I’ll take it!” So he took the necklace and excitedly skipped out of the 

“What an easy target.” The fortune teller scoffed, “Secret organization? What an idiot! Next in line, please come in.”

Akari’s blood started to boil at the way the woman quite happily celebrated how she tricked Kaido. The boy may be naive and a bit stupid, but he’s still her friend. She would be damned if she let someone like this take advantage of her friends. Sure the woman can do what she wants and Akari wouldn’t care about them. Though the moment she starts doing this to people she’s friends with, that’s when things make her upset. That anger started to show as her shadows started to spread across the floor and walls, enveloping everything in its inky darkness.

Noticing the darkness, Mikiko watched as the room became deathly still and  an inky black mass started to form in the middle of the room. Sharp yellow eyes appeared from within the inky mass. They were narrowed into slits, the malice that this supernatural being was feeling permeated off of it, which caused Mikiko to scream. Akari was more than happy to scare the pants off this fraud. What a sadist!

Outside, unknowing to the horror that Akari was causing, Kaido walked down the sidewalk with his newest “mystical” item. No doubt it’ll get him tons of friends! He just can’t wait for it. Though it’ll be such a hassle to have to remember all of their names. Oh well, the price of having too many friends.

“Kaido!” The fortune-teller shouted as she came running down the sidewalk towards him, “I’m returning your money! I never thought that you were telling the truth!” She appeared to be extremely frightened, especially after what she had been subjected to. Akari certainly did a number to her. So she gave back the money and started to sprint away, most likely to leave the country.

Kaido was in shock, “What about the necklace?”

“Take it!” She called out over her shoulder, “I bought it for ¥500.”

“What?”

Behind him, Saiki watched as the fortune-teller ran for her life. He gazed at the shadows that were moving towards him through his glasses. The boy narrowed his eyes slightly at them, “You know, you’re quite scary when you want to be.”

Akari reformed herself into her normal form and shrugged her shoulders, ‘Well, I consider Kaido a friend. I don’t want people to take advantage of my friends.’ Isn’t that a true friend? She wants to make sure that they are safe or something like that. The fortune-teller went too far, so Akari had to rectify it.

Saiki just stared at her and shook his head. Why she considered him to be a good friend, he doesn’t know. He explained, “I don’t want him to think that we’ll become friends because of that necklace. Don’t rely on charms. Learn how to make friends on your own.”

‘Even if you don’t want him to think that you’ll be friends, you do help them out.’

Saiki just about sneered at the sentiment, “I don’t help him.”

Akari glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. A small smirk graced her lips as she said, ‘Hm, sure you don’t.’

She knows for a fact that Saiki could just turn his head the other way and not get involved. However, time and time again Saiki has been helping people out! It’s been happening more recently, which Akari isn’t sure why now it’s happening, but it’s more than pleasant. Akari likes seeing Saiki do good things for other people. It just means that he could make those connections that he’s been avoiding for so long. Sure, she doesn’t like people all that much either, but she doesn’t want Saiki to miss out on something like friendships or any other relationships.

As they were talking, a sudden Nendo appeared! “Pal! Gal pal! The little guy is here too!” He stared at his friends with a large stupid smile, now more than happy to find his friends here.

Kaido stared at the necklace in wonder, “I knew this necklace was special.” No, that's not the necklace at work, that’s just pure coincidence plus the author's sadism to put their main characters in unfavorable situations.

Saiki just about sneered at Nendo, “You wasted our hard work.”

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[our-time-is-now]

September 2, 2019: Maybe suppressing it wasn’t the best thing to do?

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog. 

 Attention! This play includes transgender topics. For more details see our interjection.

Monday, 9:42 am:

WhatsApp, David/Matteo:

David (09:42): I cleared the breakfast table and did the dishes and now I miss you. But I guess I’ll get through it… somehow ;-) I know, I already told you, but I wish you a good start and I’m thinking of you. I’m curious to hear what you have to tell me about it tonight! Don’t let anybody flirt with you :-P See you later!

Matteo (09:44): I’m sitting in the subway and I miss you. I’m nervous somehow… But I’ll just think about the fact that I’ll see you when the day is over and then it’ll be okay. And hey, I can’t control that, I can only promise you not to flirt back ;-) See you later :*

David (09:50): I understand that you’re nervous. That’s somehow normal, isn’t it? I’m sure tomorrow it’ll already be better. Or over the course of the day. It’s nice that you don’t want to flirt with anyone. Maybe you should also mention every 30 minutes that you have a great boyfriend whom you love above anything ;-) Just so everyone knows and nobody gets any ideas… I’ll go unpack the rest of my clothes… there’s not much left. We shouldn’t have unpacked so much yesterday so that I would have more to do today… I hope you have a lot of fun! See you later!

Matteo (09:52): I’m there now and I’ll go inside in a minute. So only a quick reply: Good luck with unpacking and with passing the time, I’ll be in touch in my break :*

David (10:22): I know you’ll only read this later, but is it okay if I rearrange the stuff on the shelf a little differently? If I mix our stuff a little? I think that’ll look better… or should we rather keep everything separated?

David (10:38): You know what I just noticed? I’ve never(!) been at the flatshare all by myself… and now that I realize it it’s somehow really weird…

David (11:14): Well I just put everything into the shelf how I wanted to. If you don’t like it, then I’ll rearrange it again.

David (11:47): I’m almost done with unpacking the boxes. It’s still more than 6 hours until we see each other again. What did I do before I had you?

David (12:01): The post guy rang. I accepted a package for our upstairs neighbors. And I didn’t know if that was okay. Was that okay? Do we like them? Or are they stupid and we don’t accept any packages for them?

David (12:15): When did you say your break was?

Matteo (12:37): Finally on my break! And 6 messages from my boyfriend, what a reward. So one thing after the other: Of course you can rearrange the shelf, you can rearrange everything the way you want to. If I don’t like it, then I’ll just put it back again ;-) Did you get used to being at the flatshare all by yourself? You can loudly call “Hello Ech” and see what happens ;-) And I don’t know what you did before you had me. I know what I did before I had you: I smoked weed and played video games. I don’t know if that’s the best recommendation. :-) And haha, yes, the upstairs neighbors are okay. Well it could actually be three different apartments, but they’re all okay. And what are you doing now? Did you already eat? Everything’s okay here, by the way. Kay gave me another introduction, explained the house rules, introduced me to a few colleagues. I’ll start at the café at 1 pm and then I’ll continue from one thing to the next… we’ll see. I’m already looking forward to tonight… I think I forgot what you look like, you should send me a photo ;)

David (12:45): Yeah! A sign of life! Nice! :-) I’m slowly getting used to the empty flatshare - earlier I even briefly considered leaving the door open while peeing… but then I closed it out of habit, after all. But playing video games really is a good idea. Or sketching. I used to do that in the past. But I’m no longer sure if that’s even fun if you’re not sitting next to me making some weird comments… but I’ll give it a try. I haven’t eaten yet. I wanted to bring some empty boxes to the basement in a minute so that they won’t stand in the way anymore and then I wanted to go shopping. Do you need anything in particular? Should I buy you a after-work-beer or something? Your day actually sounds quite chill so far. I hope it’ll stay that way. Is everyone being nice to you? Has someone already flirted with you? I’m also really looking forward to tonight! *sends a photo of him looking very sad and below it it says: “I miss you!”* *immediately adds* And what did you look like again? Did you change over the last three hours?

Matteo (12:49): *smiles when he gets the photo and immediately saves it in his David-file* *then answers* Thank you for the beautiful photo. Peeing with an open door sounds great, you should just do it next time :) And yes, you should sketch, you can just imagine that I’m there making some stupid comments, I’m sure that’ll work… I don’t think that I need anything from the store, there should still be some beer left, you should check how much is left from the move. And yes, everyone is really nice and keeps telling me that I should always ask if I have any questions and so on… And no, miraculously enough no one has flirted with me yet, I can hardly believe it, either :-P *then sends a photo where he pouts and underneath it says: “ I miss you more!”*

David (12:55): I’ll test the peeing thing later… and in case anyone should come home early then I’ll just tell them that it was your idea ;-) I’m happy that everyone’s being nice to you. Although I would have been surprised if that weren’t the case! I’m sure it’ll get excited again later once the kids arrive. I hope you’ll get the chance to have some coffee and that you won’t have too much to do straight away. I’ll think of you when I sketch something! I promise! And when I go to the basement… and shopping… and the bathroom… and all the time, anyways! Anytime and any place! See you later, tesorino! <3<3<3

Matteo (12:58): Of course, it’s always my fault, that’s okay. Okay, I have to get going again, let Iris show me the café and everything. Hopefully I’ll also be able to have some coffee along the way. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to check my phone, but feel free to text me, I’ll just be happy whenever I look at it… Mi manchi, tesorino <3

David (13:34): I’ve just been to the basement and your bed actually would have fit in there, as well… at least since the second table is also in the kitchen. But I think it’ll be better taken care of at Alex’. It’s warmer there and it smells better. And it can talk to my stuff. Now I’ll go peeing again (yes, with the door open) and then I’ll go shopping… anche tu mi manchi!

David (14:02): *sends a photo of an apple that looks like a heart* I just had to think of you… <3

David (14:04): Oh and I just remembered: We already have half of our separation behind us! Yippieh!

David (14:37): There’s still no one here. I just made coffee and put the groceries away. Now I’m sitting in /our/ room (yes, I admit - at first it said “in your room”) on our bed and I’ll sketch a little in a minute… somehow the thought that for now every day will be like this is a little weird… that for now, we’ll be separated for so long every day. I don’t even remember this anymore. It’s so nice to always have you around. And now we’re faced with stupid reality… pfff… but we’ll somehow get used to it… and then be the more happy about it when we’re back with each other again.

David (15:23): *sends a photo of a sketch of him sitting on the bed sketching and Matteo lying next to him commenting on his sketch* *adds* I imagined that you were lying next to me… <3

David (15:42): The One by Kodaline is another song that fits us… sappy but nice. <3

David (16:20): Yeah! Hans is back from work! I’ll have a coffee with him now! And in a little more than two hours, you’ll finally be back here again with me!

David (18:00): YOU'RE DONE!!! So? How was your first day? Hurry up! I’m yearning for you!

Matteo (18:11): God, Schreibner, 8 texts, that’s embarrassing, one could think you miss me or something ;-) I’m at the stop now waiting for the city train. Should be here in 3 minutes and then a 17-minute ride and then a 5-minute walk and I’ll be there. But your afternoon sounds nice, the sketch looks great and the apple is very sappy. So it fits us :) What did you buy? Should I cook something for us when I’m home? I’m hungry… surprisingly enough. See you soon <3

Matteo (18:16): I’m on the train and there’s this guy opposite me who keeps looking over in a weird way. I thought I’d better keep myself busy with my phone…

Matteo (18:18): Oh and I don’t know The One you’ll have to show me later…

David (18:24): Dude, Florenzi - 3 texts within 17 minutes… you’re almost worse than I am :-P I bought all kinds of things. Only delicious stuff - and the apple. I figured we could do with some vitamins… Good thing that you’re hungry! So am I! But you don’t have to cook anything today… See you soon! :-*

Matteo: *has still read David’s answer but didn’t reply* *arrives at the flatshare around 6:40 pm and slightly runs up the stairs* *unlocks the door and immediately thinks that he can smell something* *wonders if Hans has cooked* *closes the door and was just about to call out when David already comes out of the kitchen* *beams automatically* Hey… *reaches him with two steps and hugs him* *presses his nose against his throat and breathes him in* *murmurs* Missed you!

David: *even though Hans has offered to help him, he had insisted on making a casserole all by himself and thought that it was nice that Hans retreated to his room to give the two of them some alone-time* *had been sitting in front of the oven for a while observing the casserole* *had tried how it tasted beforehand and thought it tastes quite good* *hopes that the taste doesn’t change too much in the oven* *eventually sets the table and puts out a beer for Matteo and a glass of water for himself* *then hears the front door at around 6:40 pm and feels his heart skip a beat because he’s so happy that Matteo is back again and also because he’s a little nervous to find out what Matteo will say to the food he prepared* *walks toward him and sees him beam* *can’t help but to beam back and holds Matteo in his arms less than a second later* *presses him close and kisses his neck* *makes a grumbling sound of pleasure and murmurs* So did I… *then moves away from him a bit and tenderly kisses him on the mouth before he lets go of him and takes two backwards steps into the kitchen* *is a little nervous now, after all, and points at the oven* *grins slightly and then says a little proudly* I cooked!

Matteo: *gets a kiss and actually wanted another one, but isn’t fast enough because David has already moved two steps away from him* *follows him into the kitchen and looks at the oven* *then hears David’s words and gapes at him* YOU cooked? Awesome! *squats in front of the oven and looks inside* Pasta casserole? *gets up again and grins at him* Thank you, now I’m really excited… *pulls David close again because he didn’t have him close for way too long, and wraps his arms around his waist* *tilts his head and grins slightly* How much longer does the food take? Do we still have some time?

David: *laughs quietly* Yes, awesome! *says a little teasingly* You and Laura weren’t there so no one could stop me… *lets Matteo pull him close again and wraps his arms around his neck* *slightly tilts his head and thinks, but then nods with a slight grin* We still have some time… *then kisses him again, this time a little longer, and squeezes him closer* *eventually murmurs in complaint* 9 hours are really long… do you have to go back there tomorrow?

Matteo: *laughs slightly* I’m very curious… if it’s good then you’ll always have to cook for me during the week now. *grins slightly and grins even more when he says that they still have time* *kisses him back and wraps his arms around him a little tighter* *immediately shakes his head at his question* No, I’ll quit tomorrow… *kisses him again and then a little longer once again* Or I’ll demand that you can come with me… then you’ll have to quit university, of course, so that you can come with me.

David: *laughs again quietly* Always!? Well, we’ll see… otherwise you might forget how to cook for yourself or something like that… *nods happily when Matteo says that he’ll quit tomorrow* Hmm… I’m all for it! *returns his kisses and plays a little with his hair* *grins slightly at his suggestion, humms in agreement and kisses him again* I will… *kisses him again and then says* Or you’ll just work from 10 to 2 and I’ll come with you and I’ll go to university from 2 to 6 and you’ll come with me in turn… *kisses him for longer again and then puts his forehead against Matteo’s* *enjoys it that he’s back again, but now asks more serious and with interest* Did you have a nice day?

Matteo: *grins slightly at David’s counterproposal* Sounds sensible, we’ll do that. *kisses him back and closes his eyes for a moment when their foreheads touch* *but then pulls back a little when he hears his question and nods slightly* Yeah, it was good, but also a lot… I was pushed around a lot, but that’s just how it is at first… on Wednesday I have to work earlier because Sannik is going to take me with him… the café shift was quite cool, somehow there’s always something going on there and there are a lot of different people there… *then hears a timer and looks at the oven* Should I take it out?

David: *listens to Matteo and smiles slightly* *was just about to answer him when the timer goes off* *shakes his head at his question and kisses him again* I’ll do it… why don’t you sit down… *lets go of him and grabs the pot holders to take the casserole out of the oven* *says in the meantime* But it’s somehow normal that it’s a lot at first… I’m sure it’ll get better over the next few days… *plates the casserole on the plates he had already taken out of the cabinet* What kind of people were there? And how did the teenagers react when they met you? *carries the plates to the table and grins slightly* *asks teasingly* Did one of them already flirt with you? *sits down and grabs his cutlery*

Matteo: *laughs slightly* Oh, the full service… not bad… *then sits down on the spot where there’s already a beer* *thinks when he hears his question* All kinds of people… apparently there are two, three groups who are regulars and come in pretty often… but today only one of them was in, but they all were really nice and introduced themselves and so on… *then laughs and shakes his head* No, nonsense… no one did… *then also reaches for his cutlery* And I also don’t think that they will…

David: *listens to him again and smiles* Sounds really nice… *then hears that no one has flirted with him and laughs quietly* Or you just didn’t notice… that can happen… it already happened to me… *briefly looks at the food and then at Matteo* Well then… enjoy… and to your first official day of work! *puts the first bite onto his fork and adds with a slight grin* And to us, because we managed to survive the first nine hours of being separated… *blows on his noodles and then puts them in his mouth* *thinks that it actually tastes pretty good, but still steals a glance at Matteo and waits for his verdict*

Matteo: *laughs quietly* Yes, that can happen… when you come visit me, then you can tell me… *smiles slightly and leans over again to kiss him* Enjoy, and thanks for cooking… *then also puts the first bite onto his fork and then hears David’s words* Oh yes… it was really tough… but I guess that’s good training for the weekend… *grimaces slightly when he thinks about it* *but then takes the first bite and was about to smile when he sees that David is watching him* *therefore stays serious and looks at him* Well, this is… *slightly shakes his head, but then grins, after all* ...really delicious! *immediately eats a bigger bite*

David: *nods with a slight grin* I will do that… and I’ll introduce myself to everyone as your boyfriend! *then smiles when he kisses him again and when he thanks him* *shrugs slightly* I thought to celebrate the occasion… *also grimaces when he mentions the weekend and groans quietly* *murmurs* I want to suppress that thought until Thursday, okay? *then watches Matteo when he puts the first bite into his mouth and looks skeptical when he stays so serious* *but then sees him grin and hears that he likes it and gives him the secretary’s-office-look, because he kept him in suspense like that* *murmurs* Ass… *but quickly looks peaceable again and adds* But it’s nice that you like it… maybe I’ll really do that more often from now on… *also puts another bite into his mouth and then asks* And did you already see any workshops or courses or anything?

Matteo: *laughs slightly* Just to make sure… *nods immediately when he says that he wants to suppress thinking about the weekend* Yes, I would also like to… *then laughs again when he calls him an ass* No, really, it tastes great! *grins and nods* Sure, do that… I’m happy if there’s food on the table when I come home… *puts another bite into his mouth and nods at his question* *chews and swallows* Well most courses are on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but today the ‘Youths’ had an unscheduled meeting, that are all LGBT guys up to 19 years, and it’s lead by Ines and Jana, but Jana is a volunteer…

David: *is quite glad that Matteo also still wants to suppress thinking about the weekend and then really quickly pushes it aside* *is really happy that Matteo likes the food and hopes that now he’s allowed to at least sometimes help with cooking when he wants to* *but usually likes their separation of chores and that Matteo usually cooks* *therefore pffs slightly at his macho comment and says* More often isn’t always… every now and then… if I feel like it… and miss you especially much… or something… *then listens to him when he keeps telling him about Lambda and realizes that somehow this is a completely different kind of conversation they are having - that right now, Matteo is really telling him about his day and what he experienced* *briefly imagines what it will be like when he’s in university, as well, and when they can tell each other about their days in the evening and smiles at the thought that they then will really have something like an everyday-life together* *but then quickly concentrates on Matteo again and nods at what he told him* And were you also there today? What kinds of things are they doing there? Or do they just talk and hang out?

Matteo: *laughs slightly* That was only a joke… I can also still cook when I come home from work… or can bring takeaway or whatever… *then nods slightly at his next question* Yes, but not for thaaat long, only in the beginning… and yes, they are doing a lot of different things, sometimes they only hang out, sometimes they have specific topics that they are talking about, sometimes they cook or go to the movies or do other things together… *takes another bite* I think the main thing about all of these courses is to be together with likeminded people…

David: *grins slightly* Bringing takeaway also sounds nice… we just can’t do that too often… otherwise it’ll get too expensive… *listens to him when he tells him about the group and smiles slightly* That sounds cool… having something like that… a group of likeminded people. *has to think about the fact that he never had that - that he didn’t even know anyone gay or lesbian, because in Lychen and Fürstenberg they either didn’t exist or they didn’t dare come out - and that knowing a real person with similar problems might have done him some good* *takes another bite, chews and then says with his mouth half-full* I should have made use of the time today to take a closer look at their homepage… *swallows* What else is there? Only such general groups or also more specific ones? Like groups only for gays… or something like that?

Matteo: *nods when he says that it sounds cool* Yes, it is, I think… well there’s also a group for older people, but they meet up later… there’s one only for female bisexuals, the BiChicks, and then there’s one for trans youth, the Transformerz… *smiles slightly* I’d like to meet the person who came up with the name. They always meet up on Mondays and Fridays at 6:30… *takes another bite and then says* There’s nothing only for gays, at least I didn’t see anything in the program… most of them are also led by volunteers, especially the ones who meet up later in the day…

David: *listens to Matteo and grimaces in amusement when he mentions the name of the trans group* Transformerz?! *laughs* Oh God… *shakes his head and finds the name very horrible* *still hears the rest of what he tells him, but his thoughts are somehow still with the trans group* *nods and humms when Matteo finishes* *swallows down his bite and then asks hesitantly* And in the trans group… *slightly shakes his head because he’s pretty sure that Matteo can’t tell him too much about it yet* *therefore starts again* Hmmm… you probably don’t know too much about it, yet, either… well, how many people are in this group… and if there are more ftms or more mtfs or something… *briefly lowers his gaze and then laughs quietly* *grimaces slightly and then asks* Does it somehow sound stupid if I tell you that I really would like to meet someone who’s also trans? I mean, live… and not just via the internet… *puts another bite into his mouth and then shrugs and says* Maybe I should check it out…

Matteo: *laughs* Yes, I also find it… meh... *then looks at him when he’s interested in the trans group* *smiles slightly* *says almost apologetically* No, sorry, I don’t know any of those things, yet… but have a look at the homepage, I think there’s also an email address, I’m sure you could also write them… *immediately shakes his head at his question* Doesn’t sound stupid at all… before I met Hans, I’ve never met anyone gay, either… or well, not that I was aware of… *then grins broadly when he says he should go there* Yes, totally, do that… you’ll have a whole bunch of trans people there and you can pick the cool ones to become friends with…

David: *nods when Matteo says that he doesn’t know anything about the trans group yet* *already thought so* *grins slightly when he says that before Hans, he’s never met anyone who’s gay and says* Well, with most gay people… or many people from the LGBT+ community in general, you can’t really tell… *takes a sip and nods again* *then laughs quietly* Well, I wouldn’t necessarily go there to make friends with anyone… that would be more of a cool side effect. But it would be nice to just exchange experiences… or to see what doctors the others have and stuff like that… *stabs a few more noodles onto his fork* But if the group is on Fridays, then I guess I’ll postpone this to sometime after the mastectomy… *realizes once again how quickly all of this is happening now - this Friday, Matteo won’t be here, and the Friday after that is already the date of the mastectomy* *but now prefers to quickly change the subject instead of thinking about that* And do you already know what’s planned for tomorrow?

Matteo: *nods immediately* Yes, sure… but just no one where I knew about it… *then grins when David plays it down* Yes, I get it… just how others feel… I’d also be interested. *then nods when he says that he’ll postpone it until after the mastectomy* Yes, once you recuperated… then you can also immediately talk about it if you want to. *shakes his head at his question* No, not really, Kay said that tomorrow, there’ll be a few people from the team there that weren’t there today and he wants me to accompany some of them… so I’ll see… *takes a big bite*

David: *humms in agreement when Matteo says that he can talk about the mastectomy and keeps eating* *can’t really imagine telling strangers about it but thinks that it might be different if the people are also trans… that some of them might also already have had their mastectomy or some of them might also want to do it* *smiles slightly when Matteo tells him about his not-so-real plan for tomorrow and takes a sip before he answers* But that also sounds quite chill for now… *then looks at him lovingly, because he realizes once again that Matteo has started work and that he has already finished his first day* *realizes that he’s really a little proud of him and eventually asks quietly* And did your nervousness subside over the course of the day?

Matteo: *nods immediately* Yes, I think so, too… to first get a bit of a feel of what goes on there during the day and such… *takes a big bite and then has to chew and swallow first before he can answer* *washes it down with a big gulp of beer* Well, that really went quite well… Kay also immediately noticed and told me that it’s totally normal if you’re nervous on your first day, but that I don’t have to worry, that everyone’s nice and will answer questions and so on… *shrugs one shoulder and grins* And it’s true… *then takes the last bite from his food and leans back* And what about you? Is my… umm… our room completely rearranged and redecorated now? *grins slightly*

David: *also nods* Exactly… and that won’t be much different during the next few days… until you have an idea of how things are done and so on… *then listen to him and is happy that the nervousness disappeared over the course of the day* *smiles* I’m happy for you - that sounds really good… *then sees that he has finished his food and points at the oven where the casserole is* Do you want more? I’m afraid I made too much… *grins very broadly when he also slips up when it comes to talking about their room* *shakes his head and says with a grin* /Our/ room looks good… almost like it did this morning… only with fewer boxes and fuller shelves and desks… I still have some stuff lying around on the desk… especially the sketches that were up in my old room. I’ll have to see what I’ll do with it. I really need a new folder to store them - my old one is pretty full. Maybe I’ll go into town tomorrow to buy a new one… *also pops the last bite of food into his mouth*

Matteo: *grins slightly when he says that he’s happy* Thanks, yes, I hope I’ll quickly be able to get the gist of it… *then looks at the oven and considers briefly* No, maybe later… and if not, then the others would surely also be happy about food… *listens to what he tells him and nods* I want to have a look at it in a minute… but hey, you can also hang up some of it or so… you always said that my walls are so bare… *drinks another sip of beer* You do that… kill some time… *smiles slightly*

David: *nods and shrugs* Hans already ate… he said he can only eat some bread in the evening if he already ate at the cafeteria for lunch because there are some secret fats in the cafeteria food that are bad for his figure or something… *hasn’t really been listening to Hans and instead only nodded in understanding* And Linn and Laura want to go see a movie - they’ll surely eat something on the way… but I’ll just put it in the fridge… then we’ll finish it tomorrow… *nods when Matteo says that he wants to have a look at the room and then briefly gnaws on his bottom lip at his suggestion* *nods hesitantly* Yes, true… they are… but I didn’t want to just hang up things… *slightly shakes his head* You can have a look later if you like some of it and then we’ll think about where to put it together?

Matteo: *nods at his information about the roommates* I see… oh, the way I know me, I’ll be hungry again in an hour… *then looks at him a little confused* Huh? Why not? *also shakes his head* Hey, that’s also your room now, and I want you to feel at home there and that you decorate it… and if there’s something I don’t like, then I’ll tell you… but of course you can just hang up things… *briefly thinks about if there are any exceptions* You’re just not allowed to take down your gift from above the bed… and if you want to put up naked women or something, then we also might have to talk again for a moment…

David: *looks back confused when Matteo looks confused* Well because… *then stops because the only argument he can think of is that saying they are Matteo’s walls doesn’t count any longer* *realizes that it’s apparently difficult for him, after all, to fully realize it* *smiles slightly at Matteo’s next words and nods slightly* *says quietly* Okay… I’ll trust you that you’ll tell me if there’s something you don’t like… *smiles even more when he says that he isn’t allowed to take down his gift and nods* *then laughs loudly at his last thought* Oh damn… now I don’t know where to put all my posters of naked women… maybe Hans wants to have them… *leans forward and kisses him briefly* *asks quietly against his lips* What am I supposed to do with naked women when I have /you/, huh?! *moves away again and grins slightly* *then reaches for their plates and collects them to wash them later* *is quite glad that he has already cleaned up the chaos from cooking and that now he really only has to clean the plates and the cutlery so that they’ll have more time to themselves later*

Matteo: *grins when he agrees with him* You can do that… *then laughs slightly* Hans will surely want them… or Abdi… hey, Abdi for sure. *then grins into the kiss and then shakes his head* Charmer… *sees him get up and clear the table* *also gets up and helps him carry everything to the sink* I can do the dishes… you already cooked…

David: *grins when Matteo mentions Abdi and nods in amusement* True! So /if/ I had countless posters of naked women, /then/ I’d surely give them to Abdi. *laughs quietly* We better not tell him - otherwise he’ll be sad that he won’t get any… *smiles when Matteo helps him carry the stuff to the sink and offers to help* *lets water into the sink and slightly shakes his head* It won’t take long… you can already cover the casserole and put it in the fridge... *then looks at him and lightly bumps his shoulder against his* *realizes that he’s really yearning for him and that he has to catch up on some physical contact and is already looking forward to their time in their room soon*

Matteo: *laughs* Yep, but this might be an idea for his next birthday… *looks skeptical for a moment and considers arguing with him about doing the dishes, but then drops it* *gets the tin foil out of the cabinet and covers the casserole* *then puts it in the shelf of the fridge that now has the post-it “Matteo + David” on it* *then steps behind David, who’s still doing the dishes, wraps his arms around him and puts his head onto his shoulder* *can see that he only has the cutlery left to clean* *kisses his throat and grumbles slightly pleasantly* *says quietly* Let’s go to bed soon?

David: *starts doing the dishes and, out of the corner of his eyes, watches Matteo cover the casserole and put it into the fridge* *then feels his arms around his stomach and slightly leans against him while he cleans the cutlery* *is tempted to close his eyes when Matteo kisses his neck and also grumbles quietly and pleasantly* *nods at his question and puts the cutlery on the sink to dry* *just stays in Matteo’s arms for a moment, but eventually grabs the dish towel from next to the sink and dries his hands before he turns around in Matteo’s arms* *leans his forehead against Matteo’s and now really closes his eyes for a moment* *then kisses him tenderly onto his mouth and quietly asks again* Bed?

Matteo: *smiles slightly when David stops a little and holds him a little tighter* *also closes his eyes when David turns around to him* *tenderly kisses him back and nods immediately* Yes, please! *slowly pulls away from him and leads the way to their room* *takes a look around and then turns around to him with a grin* Looks good… like you have been living here for months… *pulls him close and kisses him again* *then pulls away again to take off his shoes and drops down onto the bed*

David: *smiles when Matteo agrees to the bed-plan and follows him to their room* *grins slightly when he looks around and then hears his comment and lifts his eyebrows in amusement* That’s what I’ve actually been doing… the only thing that was missing were a few personal things… *briefly wraps an arm around his hip when he pulls him close, returns his kiss and nudges his nose against his before they pull apart again* *closes the door and laughs quietly when he drops down onto the bed at the same time Matteo does* *then scoots up so that his head is a little higher and holds his arms out for Matteo* *waits for him to cuddle close, then kisses his hair and asks* And what do you think how long it will take us for our yearning-batteries are recharged again?

Matteo: *immediately crawls into David’s arms and puts his head down on his throat* *grumbles pleasantly* Hmmm… at least one hour… if not two… *wraps one arm around David’s middle and kisses his neck* *then just stays like that for a moment before he quietly says* It was really weird so completely without you… when I was at the café, one of the teenagers told a joke and I immediately turned around to see if you’re also laughing… *laughs quietly* Now I don’t even remember the joke…

David: *wraps his arms around Matteo and also grumbles pleasantly* At least one, two hours, I’d say… *runs his hand through his hair and kisses his forehead* *then closes his eyes and enjoys having the familiar closeness and the familiar Matteo-smell back* *listens to him when he starts talking and nods slightly when he says that it was weird today* *can understand that* *smiles slightly when he tells him about the teenager and squeezes him a little closer* *murmurs quietly* I’m sure I would have also laughed… *then admits* I’m no longer used to the quiet when I sketch… I mean, it’s not like you usually chatter all the time… but you just sometimes laugh if you read something funny… or you’re happy if you manage a level or you huff quietly if you screw up a level… or sometimes you just reposition yourself on the bed… I never noticed how much of a difference those small sounds make and show me that you’re there… I only noticed that today when they were no longer there… *really felt like he was alone for the first time in a long time and realized that this fact bothers him much more than it used to*

Matteo: *laughs quietly when he says that he would have laughed* I think so, too… *then listens to him when he tells him that he misses the small sounds* *can somehow understand that* *then remembers that David didn’t have a problem with being alone before they got together* *feels this pleasant tugging and turns his head a little so that he can kiss him properly* *says quietly* I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to huff… and that you can no longer be alone because of me… *kisses him again and then smiles slightly* Although, no, I’m not sorry for the latter…

David: *slightly moves towards Matteo when he realizes that he wants to kiss him and returns the kiss* *then grins slightly when he apologizes that he didn’t huff, but then gets more serious again and slightly shakes his head at his addition* *tenderly cards through his hair when he kisses him again and then also smiles when he takes his apology back* *swallows slightly and then says quietly* And you don’t have to… you just showed me pretty quickly that being alone is actually pretty crap… *then turns a little more toward him, so that he can look at him better, and tenderly runs his hand over his side* *finally says with a slight chuckle* Maybe I’ll record a few of your noises soon and play them when you’re not there…

Matteo: *smiles slightly when he says that being alone is crap* I think so, too… *wraps his arm around him again when he turns to him* *then laughs at his suggestion* That’s a little creepy… but if it helps then do it… *grins slightly and kisses him again, simply because he’s on withdrawal* But then I also want messages from you that I can listen to when I miss you too much…

David: *laughs quietly when Matteo says that this is creepy and shrugs one shoulder* No idea if it’ll help… but it’s worth a try… *grins slightly when Matteo kisses him again and then also kisses him* *then sighs quietly because right now he finds it so nice that Matteo is with him again* *nods with a slight grin when he hears his demand* You’ll get that… I’ll start tomorrow! I’ll take turns with sending you voice messages and written messages… *tenderly puts a hand on his cheek and briefly kisses him again before he asks quietly* Do you think we’ll get used to it quickly… that we won’t be together as much anymore?

Matteo: *grins slightly* Very nice… *kisses him back and runs his hand a little along his side* *then sighs at his question* Don’t know… it sucks somehow, because I actually don’t want to get used to it… but on the other hand, it’ll just be a big part of our daily life from now on… *looks at him and pouts a little* What do you think?

David: *nods at Matteo’s answer, because he knows exactly what he means* *smiles slightly when Matteo pouts and runs his hand over it to wipe it away* I don’t know… *briefly closes his eyes and sighs briefly* I don’t want to get used to being so happy to have you back… and I want us to continue to text each other so much when we don’t see each other… and that we’re thinking of each other… but… no idea… I think I also want that the yearning won’t stay that strong that you can barely think of anything else… *slightly shakes his head* Maybe I just felt like this today, because I’m really not used to it anymore… and because I didn’t really have anything important to do. Maybe it’ll get better when uni starts and we both have our everyday life… *grins slightly, kisses him again and says* Because that actually doesn’t feel that bad, either… being able to say that /we have an everyday life together/… *emphasizes those words especially and shrugs one shoulder with a grin* ...a little like an established couple with routines… *smiles and lets his hand slip into Matteo’s hair* ...as long as it doesn’t get too much everyday life or we somehow lose each other in it or something… but earlier, when you told me about your day… that was somehow pretty nice, wasn’t it?

Matteo: *nods slightly when he talks and when he seems to understand what he wasn’t able to voice as well* Yes, exactly… well I do want to miss you and be happy when we see each other again… but exactly, it shouldn’t be so prevalent somehow… *slightly nods again when he talks about everyday life* *laughs slightly when he emphasizes the words like that* *then grins* Yes, exactly… when we both have arrived in our everyday lives and when everything gets a little more in a routine… and we still are happy and do something and so on… *runs his hand through David’s hair and plays a little with the strands* Yes, I also found that nice… having an exchange about how our days were and what happened… *then sighs slightly and kisses him again* But I still love spending my day with you the most…

David: *is happy that Matteo seems to understand what he means and nods* Exactly! *closes his eyes for a moment and smiles when Matteo starts playing with his hair, because he somehow likes it how he sometimes totally loses himself while he does that* *humms in agreement and says quietly* Exactly. And in October, when university starts, then I’ll also have more exciting things to tell you than what happens at the flatshare over the course of the day - which is nothing, because everyone’s at work. *grins slightly, but gets more serious again when Matteo kisses him again* *feels a strong tingling of love in his stomach when he hears his next words, because the fact that Matteo feels the same makes him so happy and because it’s still unbelievable and unreal that he’s the one who can make sure that Matteo is doing good and that he’s happy* *smiles at him lovingly and says quietly* And when I can spend mine with you… *puts his hand on his cheek and suggests* The next time when we have a day all to ourselves, we’ll make something special out of it, okay? With eating in bed and movies and a lot of talking and making out and such… umm, unless you’d rather do something… then we can also do something… *briefly wonders when they might have a day all to themselves again, but stops thinking about it when he realizes that this definitely won’t be the case during the next two weeks*

Matteo: *humms in agreement when he talks about October and university* *smiles when he returns his words and tells him that he loves spending his days with him the most* That’s a good fit, then… *looks at him when he puts his hand on his cheek* *smiles at his suggestion and nods immediately* No, I don’t want to do anything… only you and I… *already wants to talk about Saturday when he remembers that he won’t be there on that day and that after that, there’s already the mastectomy* *sighs slightly* Then on the Saturday after the mastectomy… then you can’t really be very active, anyways, so we’ll spend that day in bed… *remembers that then they’ll also have to forgo sex and regrets the fact that they didn’t enjoy the last weekend they had all to themselves more consciously*

David: *smiles and nods slightly when Matteo says that they won’t do anything when they have a day to themselves again* *then hears him sigh and also sighs quietly at his words* *grimaces slightly and tenderly strokes his cheek again, but then lowers his hand and turns this head toward the ceiling in thought* *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and then says quietly and a little bitterly* More likely on the Saturday when I’ll be back from the hospital… in three weeks… *sighs again quietly and then looks at him again with raised eyebrows* Three weeks… *slightly shakes his head and then says* I feel like somehow we’re moving from an absolute non-stop couple quality-time phase into a non-stop constantly missing-each-other hardly-time-for-each-other phase…

Matteo: *nods slightly when David corrects him bitterly* Yes, that’s what I meant… well I’ll also be at the hospital on Saturday, but I meant when you’re back again… *grimaces when he emphasizes the three weeks so much again* *shakes his head* No… well maybe a little… but we’ll see each other, all the time in between and as often as we can manage… *then sighs slightly* Yes okay, this weekend will be hard… but then… *looks at him and stills the hand in his hair* We’ll just make the best out of it when we see each other, okay? *also thinks that David is somewhat right, btu wants to cheer him up and doesn’t want him to feel so dejected*

David: *frowns when Matteo puts his words a little into perspective* *thinks that he’s right about it, of course, when he says that they’ll see each other as often as possible, but still thinks that it will be a huge difference to how it was before and especially how it was on their holiday* *grimaces slightly when he mentions this weekend and doesn’t really think that it will be easier afterwards because then - if at all, they’ll also only have the evenings to themselves and that he’ll have to go to the hospital immediately afterwards* *nods at his words, even though right now he feels like being apart from Matteo bother him much more than it does him* *wonders if it’s because Matteo will be busy - both now during the week as well as on the weekend - and thinks that then it’s somehow obvious that he doesn’t have as much time to miss him* *still thinks that this somehow sucks* *sighs quietly and nods again* Yes sure, of course… we’ll do that… *turns away from him and then reaches for the bottle of water next to the bed* *sits up and takes a sip*

Matteo: *sees David frown and even grimace slightly* *suddenly regrets having worded it so offhandedly and wonders if he might have angered David with it* *hears his answer and then sees him turn away and even sit up* *says softly* Hey… the battery isn’t fully recharged yet… *sees David continue to drink and also sits up* *turns so that he’s sitting across from him and looks at him* Hey, do you think I like that? I don’t want that, either… not at all, zero, oh a negative thousand… I… *slightly shrugs one shoulder* I thought that it’s easier if I play it down…

David: *smiles slightly when Matteo says that the battery isn’t fully charged yet, but somehow still needs a moment to himself right now* *out of the corner of his eyes he sees that Matteo also sits up, and lowers the bottle when he sits down across from him* *hears his question and shrugs* *thinks that they never really talked about it - only briefly one time when they saw the plan - and that they managed to suppress this topic quite well over the last few days and weeks* *slowly screws the lid back onto the bottle while he listens to Matteo and suddenly feels a little relieved when he hears how little Matteo wants to go to the seminar* *then shakes his head a little at his last words and murmurs* Somehow it isn’t… *then exhales slowly and says* We never really talked about it… we always kept saying that we didn’t want to think about it just yet… but the question is when do we want to think and talk about it… I don’t know, we can’t just think about the fact that you’ll be gone for three days on Thursday or Friday night… *slightly shakes his head and looks at the bottle while he quietly admits* When you played it down just now, I thought that it might not bother you as much… and that I’m maybe making a fuss and that I should pull myself together…

Matteo: *sighs slightly when he says that this somehow doesn't make it any better* *listens to him and has to agree with him* *says carefully* Maybe suppressing it wasn’t the best thing to do? *shakes his head at his last words* But I do care… a lot… and yes, maybe you’re right, maybe we should talk about it… because I have this feeling that this will happen again in the future… that there’s a lot to do, at work for me or at university for you… *grimaces slightly* And it sucks if then we’ll only suppress it… *looks at him and then says a little hesitantly* So a round of honesty, okay? I’ll start. *takes a deep breath* I have no idea how I’m supposed to manage two nights without you. I’m scared about that the most. That I’ll be lying in this stupid bed and that I’ll miss you so much that I won’t be able to sleep.

David: *smiles slightly at Matteo’s words and shakes his head* Not really, no. *looks at him again when he says that he does care and smiles again, albeit a little sadly, because he doesn’t really want them to “suffer” like this, but because he’s also relieved because apparently Matteo sees it the same way he does, after all* *then nods when he says that this will happen again and murmurs quietly* Yes, a real everyday life… *nods again, this time a little more, and exhales in relief* *smiles when he proposes a round of honesty and nods* Okay… *looks at him and listens to him* *would love to embrace him for what he’s saying, but somehow feels like right now, the distance is doing them some good so that they can concentrate better* *instead looks at him lovingly and says quietly when he finishes* I’m also scared of the nights… and that I won’t be able to fall asleep without you… *slightly shakes his head and says hesitantly* Maybe then we can simply text each other? And before we go to bed, we’ll definitely talk on the phone again? I’d say we’ll talk on the phone until the first one of us falls asleep, but I’m afraid you won’t get a single room…

Matteo: *immediately realizes that David is also scared about the nights and now understands even more why his tactic of taking it so lightly earlier wasn’t good* *immediately smiles at his suggestion* Talking on the phone sounds good… well then I’ll just go outside and we’ll text when we’re in bed… and send each other embarrassing photos that could be used against us… *really feels a little better now, because they were able to talk about it and develop mechanisms against it* *carefully nudges against his knee* Now it’s your turn… round of honesty… let it all out…

David: *grins slightly when Matteo talks about embarrassing photos, but then says a little desperately* Yes please! And not only at night in bed! The whole day! Every hour or something… *laughs quietly and lowers his gaze a little embarrassed* Yes, okay, you maybe won’t be able to manage one every hour… but… no idea… just often… *feels that talking about it did him some good and wonders why they haven’t done this much sooner* *then gets nudged against his knee and looks up at him again* *sighs quietly when he tells him that it’s his turn now and gets more serious again* I’m scared of the scope… I mean, it’s more than 50 hours… and today I was always able to cheer myself up by remembering that you’ll be back in a few hours or minutes… I think with the normal everyday life that we’re about to face it’ll be okay at some point… we’ll both be able to manage that, I’m sure of it. There will be days where it’ll be easy and days where it’ll be difficult, but even on the days where it’s difficult you can be comforted by the fact that it’ll only be a few hours until we see each other again… but an entire weekend… with so many hours… *shrugs slightly*

Matteo: *laughs slightly when he demands a photo every hour* I’ll try my best… as often as I can manage… *slightly tilts his head and listens to him* *can understand his fear and also thinks that a weekend sounds like forever and insurmountable* *suddenly has to think about his mother, who, when he didn’t want to tidy up, used to tell him to just start with one corner* *says hesitantly* You know… maybe we shouldn’t think of the weekend as a weekend…. maybe we should just think about it in smaller sections… for example, the lunch break is in three hours, then we can talk on the phone… or in 10 minutes, I can go to the bathroom again and send you a pointless message… you know, we can break up the weekend into small sections… bit by bit… hour by hour… minute by minute…

David: *smiles slightly when Matteo says that he’ll try and that he’ll get a photo as often as possible* *frowns slightly when he suggests to not think of the weekend as a weekend, and at first doesn’t quite understand what he means* *but then smiles a little when he gets it and mulls over the thought* *smiles more when he finishes and when he’s talking about breaking it up* Breaking it up, huh… *laughs quietly and nods hesitantly* I think that would really make it easier… do you think you’ll get a schedule or something like that? Of what the day will look like? Something so that we can orientate ourselves? *would really like to have something like that, so that he can imagine at least to some extent what Matteo might be doing at that moment if he misses him too much*

Matteo: *nods when David seems to understand* Exactly, break it up… *then also smiles slightly at his question* I hope so… and if not, then I’ll just ask… they’ll surely have some agenda… I’ll take a photo of it for you… *reaches his hand out for him and manages to take his hand* So we’ll try it like that, okay? And if it’s totally stupid, then we’ll tell each other straight away, alright?

David: *smiles when Matteo says that he’ll take a photo of the agenda and nods* Yes, please! *then laughs quietly* And I’ll also make you one… of my incredibly eventful weekend! *sighs quietly and realizes that he’s slowly starting to feel a little better* *entwines their fingers when Matteo takes his hand and looks at him* *nods at his questions* We will! *then tilts his head a little and asks with a smile* Anything else for the round of truth? Anything you’re scared of, anything that sucks, anything that we have suppressed talking about?

Matteo: *laughs slightly when he says that he’ll also make one* Very good, then we can coordinate the times when we’ll talk on the phone… *automatically tilts his head, as well, when David does* *slightly presses his lips together when he hears his question, because he has to think about the mastectomy* *but doesn’t know if he should mention it, because there isn’t a solution to make it any different* *but thinks that they are honest and that they said that they shouldn’t suppress it any longer* *sighs slightly* Your surgery… well I know we already talk about it… and I actually also know what’s about to happen and what the risks are and such, but… I’m still scared, and sometimes… when I think about it then I have to force myself not to think about it, because… otherwise I’ll get scared… *takes a deep breath and then adds* And I know that you’re really looking forward to it and I’m also really happy for you, but I’m still scared.

David: *nods immediately when Matteo mentions the mastectomy, because just then he realizes that this is also a topic that they are very good at suppressing and postponing really talking about* *listens to him seriously and wishes once again that he could somehow relieve him of this fear, but is pretty much aware of the fact that that’s not really possible* *slightly shakes his head when he finishes and squeezes his hand* Matteo, I don’t doubt for even a second that you’re not happy for me! The one thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other, okay? *sighs quietly and thinks about what he could say about his fear and eventually says hesitantly* And I think it's totally and absolutely legitimate to be scared. I sometimes feel like you think someone would judge you for being scared for me. But that’s not the case. And even if, then just screw them. You’re allowed to be scared! And you’re also allowed to say that you’re scared. And even though there’s no solution or cure or anything about the fear at that moment… *slightly shakes his head* … no idea… then it might be some use if you’re not alone with that fear? *shrugs one shoulder and looks at him carefully* I don’t know… is that any use? *scoots a little closer to him and tenderly runs his hand through his hair and over his cheek* *then leaves his hand there and says quietly* I’m also scared! *knows that his fear isn’t comparable to Matteo’s and also feels more happiness and disbelief than fear, but thinks that it might be important for Matteo to hear that he’s not the only one who’s scared* *therefore adds* And Laura… and my mother… and Linn…

Matteo: *smiles slightly when he confirms that he knows that he’s happy for hom* *finds it good to hear that he can separate that* *swallows slightly when he says that it’s legitimate to be scared and that it’s nothing that you have to hide* *then hears his question and slightly shrugs one shoulder* *doesn’t really know if it will help* Dunno… maybe… *presses his lips together when he says that he’s also scared and when he lists even more people who are scared* *doesn’t think that this helps him very much because the fear is his fear* *tries to put that into words* I don’t know… of course other people are also scared, I know that… but I think that doesn’t really help… that’s their fear and not mine… I just have to learn to somehow deal with my fear…

David: *tenderly strokes his cheek again, but then lets go of him again to give him the necessary space to think* *listens to him and nods hesitantly* *still takes a moment to understand what he means and asks hesitantly* And did you… *slightly shakes his head and stops, because at that moment he realizes something different* *smiles slightly and asks hesitantly* Wanting, not having to, right? Well you don’t /have/ to learn how to deal with it, you rather /want/ to, don’t you? *shrugs one shoulder* Sorry, I was somehow thinking about your grandmother… *then takes a deep breath and gets serious again* *then does pick up his question from the beginning, after all* Did you already try something? Or do you have any ideas what you might try? *thinks that suppressing and avoiding might not be the best strategy*

Matteo: *looks a little confused when he stops his question* *but then has to smile immediately when he corrects himself* True… I /want/ to learn how to deal with it… *smiles slightly* It’s okay, she’s right… *tilts his head when he then asks his question* *fumbles with the blanket with his free hand* Hmmm, well, yes, I try to rationalize it… well I try to argue with myself with logic… that statistically speaking, it’s totally unlikely that you won’t be able to tolerate the anesthesia… that the success rate of your surgeon is very high… stuff like that… *shrugs one shoulder* Sometimes it works better, sometimes not so much…

David: *smiles when Matteo laughs and agrees with him about his grandmother* *then listens to him, humms in agreement and nods slowly* *has to think about the fact that this was one of the methods that he used to utilize with his therapist and that he used to tell him that it’s all a matter of practise* Hmm, but that’s already a good start… *hesitates briefly and then says a little hesitant and disjointedly* Back then, when I was doing so badly… the weeks before I came to Berlin… I also had a lot of fears back then… and some of them weren’t really rational, either… that was the time when I wasn’t able to sleep. Then I suddenly had thoughts such as… no idea… if I go pee at school, what if they’re lying in wait for me in the bathroom… what happens if they come into the changing rooms during PE… what happens if they have connections and cause my name change and change of personal status to be rejected… and I had dreams that kept coming back… that I will no longer get a prescription for testo and that my transition goes the wrong way… or that my hair suddenly grows again and I wasn’t able to find scissors to cut them again… stuff like that… *slightly shakes his head as if to pull himself out of his thoughts* *sighs quietly and looks at Matteo* *doesn’t really want to talk about himself and therefore quickly adds why he told him about that* And back then, my therapist had a few different methods that he showed me and that we tried… *grins slightly* One of them was exercise and burning off energy… because when you exercise you don’t think that much and because you’re able to fall asleep faster if you burnt off energy and because you’re too tired to think… that’s probably not an option for you, is it? *then gets more serious again* But also relaxation methods… progressive muscle relaxation and certain types of meditation… *shrugs one shoulder* But that wasn’t really my thing because I found it difficult to really relax… but maybe it would be an option for you…? *absentmindedly unscrews the water bottle again and takes a sip* Well and one method… that actually worked quite well eventually… it’s similar to what you’re already doing, just… somehow more visual… *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and then has to chuckle slightly* *slightly shakes his head* I don’t want to somehow give you therapy or anything… I’m not even able to do that, anyways… but if you want to, then I can show you… *shrugs one shoulder* Maybe it’ll also be helpful for you…

Matteo: *listens to him when he talks and would really like to hug him right now* *but can also feel that he’s actually getting at something different and that they’re not done yet* *smiles slightly when he mentions burning off energy* No, I don’t think that’s my thing… *then nods slightly when he mentions relaxation* *thinks that before he met David, he sometimes really did something like that, with music or with weed, even though that probably wasn’t the best method* *then laughs slightly when he says that he doesn’t want to give him therapy* It’s okay… *nods hesitantly when he says that he can show him* Yes, I’d like that…

David: *grins slightly when Matteo confirms that burning off energy probably isn’t his thing and murmurs quietly* I thought so… *then sees him nod at his words about relaxation, but can’t really say much on that topic and thinks that someone else would have to show that to Matteo or that he would have to do research on it* *eventually smiles slightly when he agrees that he can show him the method and can feel that he’s a little nervous and flustered, because he hopes that Matteo won’t find it stupid and that it might help him in the long run* *takes a deep breath and scoots a little closer to him so that they’re sitting cross-legged and facing each other* Okay… *looks at him* There are three steps… or phases… whatever… and you have to keep repeating them… the aim is, in the long haul, to replace the negative images in your head with positive ones… *hesitates, but then reaches for his hand, because he always found the first phase to be pretty difficult and he doesn’t want Matteo to feel a lone with it* *says quietly* Close your eyes… *waits for Matteo to close his eyes, swallows slightly because somehow he finds it so unbelievable that Matteo trusts him so much that he goes along with all of that* *quietly clears his throat and then says* And now you have to deliberately think about the thing you’re scared of… imagine your fears as images… well… no idea… an image of me lying in bed and… *stops because he doesn’t want to say it out loud* *instead says* ...well basically your worst images of what might happen… *squeezes his hand a little to signal him that he’s here and that actually everything is good*

Matteo: *smiles slightly when David also sits down cross-legged* Okay… *also looks at him* *then listens to him attentively* Three phases, okay… *looks at him in surprise when he takes his hand, but squeezes it, anyways* *immediately closes his eyes when David tells him to* *takes a deep breath and exhales and tries to relax* *but then swallows hard when he hears his first request* *thinks about David in a hospital bed, with his eyes closed and not moving* *but mostly thinks about that because David has started like that* *but realizes that this isn’t the worst, because this way, he can at least see David* *therefore thinks about a doctor that tells him that he’s in critical condition and that he can’t see David and that he isn’t able and allowed to tell him anything else* *swallows again and squeezes his eyes shut a little tighter* *nods slightly to indicate that he’s imagining it*

David: *is quiet and watches Matteo closely and a little worriedly* *sees him swallow and hopes that it won’t be too bad for him* *sees him squeeze his eyes shut after a while and would like to hug him, but doesn’t want to disrupt his concentration* *then sees him nod and says quietly* Okay… and now really imagine this image as a literal image… as a photo or poster or placard… as something that you can destroy… and then think about how you could destroy it… hmmm… you could tear it up and throw it in the trash… or burn it… or pour paint over it… or a beaver could come along and eat it… *smiles slightly and then says* But definitely something that completely destroys the image, okay? *is quiet again and gives him time to imagine it*

Matteo: *can still see the doctor in his mind’s eye who coldly and without emotion tells him one bad piece of information after the other* *needs a moment until he’s able to concentrate on David’s voice* *manages to freeze the image of the doctor and imagine it as a poster* *would normally laugh about the thing with the beaver, but is too concentrated right now* *imagines red paint that he pours over the poster* *but then thinks that this reminds him of blood and changes it to blue* *sees the blue paint run down over the image and then gives a slight nod again*

David: *watches Matteo again and gives him the time he needs* *eventually sees him give a slight nod again, but isn’t sure and therefore asks quietly* Is the image destroyed completely? *sees him nod more clearly this time and nods as well, takes a deep breath and then says* Okay… now it’s about creating a new image in your mind… now you have to think about how the image you just destroyed would have looked like if the thing had a positive outcome… What does the image you wish for that situation look like? An image you’re no longer scared of… for example, the doctor telling you that everything went well… or that I’m waking up from anesthesia and that I’m happy to see you or something like that… *slightly presses his lips together because he knows that it’s difficult to imagine a positive image if you’re actually scared, but hopes that Matteo will manage* *runs his thumb over the back of his hand almost automatically*

Matteo: *can still see the paint running down and that eventually he can no longer see the doctor* *hears David ask again and nods more vigorously* *then listens to him further and almost has to smile when he mentions a doctor, because he couldn’t actually have known that this was his image* *takes a deep breath* *feels David’s thumb and manages to imagine a doctor again* *is a little surprised that it’s the same doctor* *tries to imagine a different one but keeps going back to the first one* *tries harder and finally sees him with a more friendly and open expression* *smiles when he tells him that everything went well and that there weren’t any complications and that he can go see David now* *nods and smiles slightly*

David: *watches Matteo again and is quiet to give him time to concentrate* *eventually sees him smile and feels heart do a little jump and that he also has to smile automatically* *eventually sees him nod again and says quietly* And now try to memorize that image for a moment… *waits a few more seconds and watches him, but then has to lean forward and quickly kiss him* *whispers against his lips* That’s it… *pulls away from him again and waits for him to open his eyes again* *looks at him lovingly because he finds it so great that Matteo went along with this* *explains* That’s the method which sometimes really helped me a lot… and that’s all a matter of practise… the more often you play this out in your head, the easier it is to get to the positive images. And the goal is actually supposed to be that your brain automatically replaces some of the negative thoughts with the positive ones. But in my case, that didn’t work for all my fears… but with some of them, it did… *shrugs one shoulder again and smiles a little insecurely* Well… maybe it’ll also help you a little bit… the first step is really hard. To really visualize your fear and to not suppress it like you’re used to… *presses his lips together, because he has talked so much now and because he also wants to give Matteo the chance to get a word in in case he wants to talk about how he found that experience* *but could also understand if he can’t or doesn’t want to say too much about it*

Matteo: *memorizes the image* *then suddenly feels David’s lips on his and smiles immediately* *wets his lips a little after David leans back again and only then opens his eyes* *finds it pretty wonderful to see him* *listens to him and nods slightly* Well, I think that was good… just destroying the image already helps… *nods slightly* But the question is if it will also help in an acute situation, if I’m really scared and if I can’t just conjure up that fear like I did just now… *leans forward and lightly kisses him again* But still thanks… I think that this will help me…

David: *smiles and nods when Matteo says that the destroying helps* Exactly… *grins slightly* ...and eventually, you also get creative with doing it… there are so many ways to destroy something… *then nods again when he’s talking about an acute situation and says hesitantly* Yes, that’s why it’s important to keep practising it… so if you notice a fear coming up, then don’t suppress it and use this method instead… or just do it very consciously - even though you don’t have any fears at that moment… *smiles slightly and shrugs one shoulder* That used to be my therapist’s homework… that I should constantly imagine scary situations, even though it wasn’t acute at that moment… he said that this method has to become a routine so that you can also use it in acute situations… *sighs quietly* But oftentimes it’s really not that easy… *is talking from experience* *smiles when Matteo thanks him and tenderly strokes over his cheek when he leans forward to kiss him* *murmurs* You’re welcome… thanks for going along with it… *then wraps his arms around him so that he can’t move away again and pulls him back into a horizontal position - a little awkwardly as they are both still sitting down cross-legged* *thinks that they have been apart for long enough now* *is quiet with him for a moment and waits to see if he wants to say anything else to his fears* *in the meantime thinks about how good it felt that they talked about it - about the Voluntary-Year-weekend as well as the mastectomy, and eventually says hesitantly and quietly to also get it out of his mind* Honesty round part 4… I’m scared of the pain after the surgery…

Matteo: *also grins slightly when he says that you eventually get creative* *nods when he says something about practising and homework* I will… I want to get a better handle on it… *is happy when David doesn’t let go of him again and manages a little awkwardly to disentangle his legs so that they can lie down again* *has one arm wrapped around him and sees David lie down on his shoulder* *just enjoys lying there with him for a moment and thinks about the method and if he’ll really manage to deal with his fears better* *then hears David’s quiet words and automatically pulls him closer* *also says quietly* I can understand that… but we’re all there for you and we’ll make it as easy for you as we can manage, I promise.

David: *smiles when Matteo says that he wants to get a better handle on his fears and hopes that he’ll really manage it and that he won’t do too badly on the day of the surgery* *then puts his head down on Matteo’s shoulders and wraps an arm tightly around his chest* *humms in agreement at his words and murmurs* I know… *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and then admits hesitantly and quietly* ...but… I don’t want everyone to see me like that… so… no idea… weak or something… I mean, with you it’s okay… really… with you I can be weak and don’t feel small in the process… but with the others it’s really difficult for me… *knows that Matteo can’t be there for him all the time because he has to work and briefly thinks about with whom else he wouldn’t have a problem with showing weakness without feeling small in front of that person*

Matteo: *sighs slightly when he says that he doesn’t want everyone to see him like that* *knows that he can’t always be there* I should have found something else… something that only starts in October… *squeezes him a little tighter and presses a kiss to his head* But you can always text me, ok? Or send me voice messages if typing is too exhausting… *humphs slightly and thinks* Isn’t there anyone else where you at least don’t mind them helping you a little?

David: *immediately shakes his head when Matteo says that he should have found something different and briefly looks up at him annoyed* Are you crazy!? What nonsense… your Voluntary Year is just as important, you hear?! *then nods at his suggestion and smiles immediately* Yes, that’s good! Sometimes just letting it out already helps… *looks at him seriously* But you have to promise me that you’ll still concentrate on Lambda and that you won’t drop everything just because I tell you that something hurts, okay? For me it’s enough to know that I can be like that with you… that I can whine… *then sighs quietly at his question and puts his head back onto his shoulder* Phew… dunno… *thinks about all the people and immediately rules out Hans and Linn, because they would probably panic immediately* *doesn’t really want to show weakness in front of Laura, either - on the one hand because right now she already tends to patronize him currently, anyways, and on the other hand, because he doesn’t want her to worry* *thinks about the friends and immediately rules out the girls* *then thinks about the boys and the fact that Carlos is out, anyways, because he also has to work and Abdi would probably be pretty helpless* *eventually says hesitantly* Jonas or Alex maybe… *shrugs one shoulder* I’ll see… *has to chuckle a little* Maybe I’ll just test who has the best reaction after my first cry of pain…

Matteo: *laughs slightly when David immediately reacts so strongly* Yeees, sure… I didn’t do that, anyways… *then nods immediately* I promise… if you promise me that you’ll really rest and that you’ll really whine at me about EVERYTHING    that bothers and hurts you, okay? *looks down to him when he doesn’t really know from whom he would accept help* *secretly guesses Alex or Carlos* *then hears that he was close* Not Carlos? I thought Carlos… oh no, he also has to work, right. *then also grins a little at his last sentence* Good tactic… but if you ask me, then you already picked two good candidates… they wouldn’t caudle you too much, but they would still be there whenever you need something.

David: *smiles when Matteo promises to still concentrate on Lambda* *then laughs quietly* About /everything/?!? *tilts his head and looks at him with a chuckle* Even if I don’t like the food or if it bothers me that it’s raining outside or that there’s nothing on the TV!? *laughs again quietly and puts his head down onto his shoulder* *was just about to tell Matteo that Carlos has to work when he asks about him, therefore simply nods* Exactly… *then nods when he agrees with him when it comes to Jonas and Alex, cuddles a little closer to him and closes his eyes for a moment* *murmurs* Let’s wait and see… maybe the pain won’t be that bad… *pushes one of his legs between Matteo’s to be even closer to him and says after some time* Let’s try to not suppress or postpone stuff like that anymore… that was good, wasn’t it?

Matteo: *laughs slightly when he hears his examples* Definitely… I want to know everything. *buries his hand in David’s hair when he cuddles even closer* *then nods slightly* Yes, maybe… but please still take it easy and rest. *wraps his other arm around David, as well* *then nods slightly at his words* Yes… that was good… better than suppressing it… *kisses his head and closes his eyes* But now let’s just lie like this for a while… and then I want another helping of pasta casserole and for you to show me the song you found…

David: *smiles when he feels Matteo’s hand in his hair* *nods against his neck when he demands again that he rests* *murmurs into his shoulder* I’ll rest. I promise! *smiles when Matteo also cuddles closer and repeats quietly* Yes, better than suppressing it… *kisses his neck and then rubs his nose over the spot* *then relaxes and nods slightly at Matteo’s words* *murmurs quietly and with a smile* Yes, sir…

(next play)

[n0stalgicv0id]

Oh no, not at all ! I don’t think it’s foolish, it’s important to take care of one’s self, more than anything really- I mean it depends because I tend to forget about myself whenever I care about someone but that’s a story for another day 🍓

Lolita is definitely one of the most iconic books of the 20th Century- No one can read it without feeling a churning in their stomach whether Nabokov’s message is clear to them or not, even though I have a hard time believing some people think that the author himself is a pedophile and not writing from the POV of one- As for Oscar Wilde, he’s definitely a man I would fall for. As he once said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." To declare something of the sort during your own trial you can’t be anything BUT a genius really ! I do consider it a real blessing ! I’ll be more than happy to send you some pictures of it, but I can’t really do it while anonymous so If you want me to I can send you a direct message with them ! This book is so precious to me, I’m never letting it go for anything in the world 🍓

It does feel like pen paling in a way, how fun !! I haven’t written letters to anyone in so long, it’s rather strange but comforting to do so ! I wonder what your artwork is like, it’s odd you’re telling me this because I used to study something similar myself since I was in Art school. Can’t divulge too many details about myself on here but I really do feel you- I definitely need a bit of luck right now but it’s okay, I’m currently managing with my broken umbrella ! It doesn’t help that I’m a very buoyant and dynamic person which makes it so that I move around a lot and I don’t really pay attention to potential dangers and situations where I can break something by accident- I try though 🍓💔 Hope your day is going well ! I’m sorry about your poor umbrella by the way, maybe it’ll find its way back to you, who knows really ?

I used to care more about others than myself but at some point I just couldn’t anymore, I hate when people don’t care about me like I do with them. So I started enjoying my moments of loneliness. I still meet with friends but I prefer to keep everything pretty private with them.

Indeed, I love Oscar Wilde exactly for that reason. He’s so sassy and it’s funny, he had a really peculiar humor. Send me a dm, I don’t mind! I’m really curious to see those pics. Also, was that a vintage shop? Cuz I’d be really curio to know the name if they have an online shop. Oh and in Portugal there’s this popular library, Libreria Lello, I’ll take some nice pics for you if I have the opportunity. From what they told me it’s pretty packed so I don’t have much fate in that. I can just hope.

Please stay focused while walking, you have your head in the clouds. I can portray you being that type of person. And don’t catch a cold!

Update: Forgot to mention that I think you’d love “Capolavoro” by Il volo, it’s an italian song but probably you can find the translation

[shadowlineswriting]

Rowling

I’m going to handle J.K. Rowling in two posts. She’s most known for creating the Harry Potter universe, of course, but she also wrote a realistic fiction novel after the initial HP series was done. It’ll be much easier to reflect on the two stories in separate blogs. 

So, Harry Potter. I had a complicated relationship with HP growing up. You see, it was written for my generation (meaning my age group was the first to experience the initial novel). All of my classmates were reading it when it came out. However, I was not allowed. My parents weren’t familiar with it and were concerned, I think, that I’d read HP and believe magic was real. As such, when it was on my Battle of the Books reading list in fifth grade, I was not given permission to read it and consequently had to sit out the part of the Battle that asked the HP questions.

Naturally, all this did was make me insanely curious about the books, especially since they just kept coming out (there are seven in the original series). By the time I’d reached high school it was all anyone could talk about whenever books and movies came up (by then, the first five books and the first three movies had been released). 

My family took a week-long trip to see some friends, and their kids showed me the first three movies (in the middle of the night when the adults were asleep, of course). I was instantly hooked (I defy you to find an 8-14-year-old who loves literature but hates HP). Having seen the first three movies, I was determined now to read the books, even if that meant defying my parents.

I read the first five books at school during study hall and lunch. My friend Caleb would loan them to me and I kept them in my locker to ensure my parents didn’t see a copy in our house. By the time this adventure was done, the sixth book had also come out and the fourth movie was hitting theaters. I really, really wanted to see it, and in my defense, at that point I’d told my parents that I’d read the books (I guess I figured that was a time when it was better to ask forgiveness than permission, since they couldn’t do anything about it by then). Therefore, my dad agreed to go with me to see the fourth movie. My little sister came, too (I have no idea why) and she got so scared by Voldemort that Dad had to take her outside the theater while I sat inside finishing the movie.

Anyway, since everything was out in the open by then, I was able to finish the seventh book when it came out my junior year. I was not allowed to attend the Barnes & Noble midnight launch party with my friends, but my friends were very nice and let me borrow a copy once they were done with it (which, given that it seemed like the whole world was waiting for the last book to come out, was pretty quick). That day I remember teachers giving up completely on getting anyone to pay attention. One of my teachers didn’t even try--she just let us read the books right there in class, I guess knowing that no one would concentrate until we knew whether Harry or Voldemort won the day.

I love the Harry Potter books for the same reason I respect the Twilight books: Rowling did something that no author had ever done. She created something unique that became its own world. To this day, the HP universe is still the highest-grossing literature series of all time and Rowling is the only author to ever break $1 billion (if you Google a list you’ll see that another author pops up, but her money came from inheritances, not book sales, so in my view Rowling wins that contest).

We also own three of the side novels: The Tales of Beedle the Bard, Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them, and Quidditch Through the Ages. I’m not a huge fan of fictional supplemental literature, but these are very small--novellas, really--and they’re all first editions, so of course we’re going to keep them.

Say what you will about the story itself, I think it is impossible to respect storytelling and not give Rowlling credit for this incredible thing that she created. It’s on my bucket list to go to Harry Potter World someday, and I honestly cannot wait! 

I have mixed emotions about the fact that HP will next be turned into a seven-series TV show, but I have high hopes. A TV series will give room to stay true to the books in a way the movies never could (they had to cut SO much), but then again, they could really mess this up.

Guess we’ll see! 

[hajimesh]

𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙚𝙛𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 — olympic team / fem reader

[ atsumu, sakusa, suna, kageyama, gao, bokuto, hinata, iwaizumi, oikawa ]

the stress of the first match seems to be taking a toll on the team's spirit, and you refuse to sit and watch them fail when you know you can be of help. but can you really handle all of them?

(or, where you end up having a gang bang with 8 professional volleyball players, and 1 athletic trainer)

⥅ word c. 7,928

⥅ warnings. sub reader, gang bang, foursomes, voyeurism?, fellatio, cum play, vaginal penetration, anal, unprotected sex, creampie, facial, size + stomach bulging kink, praise kink, mild degradation, double penetration, pussy job (for like, one second), double vaginal penetration, fingering, squirting, overstimulation, someone passes out, aftercare

⥅author n. brought to u thanks to this tweet + @kmorgzz​ who suggested adding iwaoi to the mix

special mention to my wife and love of my life, runa. @tsumue​ u had me laughing at 4am as i read ur comments in the google doc. i don't know what i'd do without u, tysm for beta and putting up with me for the past week ♡ 

ps. im v sorry if ur fave didn't make the cut (╥_╥) i added the ones im more familiar with, in terms of writing

if someone had told you you’d be attending the olympic games not as a spectator but as part of japan’s team, you’d have never believed them. but here you are, sitting in the same room with the most skilled players in the country as none other than their personal assistant.

“iwaizumi-san! do you think kageyama and i could pull off a quick attack right at the beginning of the set?”

“shoyo-kun, if there’s someone you’ll be doing the quick attack with it’s me,” atsumu’s eyes land on kageyama, smirking at the other setter from across the room, “right, tobio-kun?”

“you’re a disgrace.”

sakusa’s statement earns an offended scoff from the blond setter, the rest of the team rolling their eyes and sighing at the all-too-familiar scene.

“oi! we don’t have time for petty fights!”

after iwaizumi gets everyone’s attention back on him, he barely finishes explaining tomorrow’s match opponents and their plays without losing the team’s attention. he might be there to train them and make sure they’re on top of their game, but he knows when the team is lacking morale and, sadly, today’s one of those days.

the meeting is over and all of you go to the dining hall, fetching your dinner and sitting on your respective table with you right next to iwaizumi.

since you took that part-time job at the msby jackals, you quickly caught onto their small tics and tell-tale signs when something isn’t right. atsumu becomes a complete asshole which makes sakusa lose his temper sooner than usual. meanwhile, bokuto and hinata become very fidgety, often causing a bit of chaos around them as clumsiness radiates off of them.

when the national team was announced, you were offered the job as the trainer’s assistant—all thanks to the jackals who recommended you to their superiors for said position. your pay-check might say you’re just iwaizumi’s assistant, but you’re basically there to cover the needs of the entire team—all of them.

“iwa-chan!”

your head snaps to the side as a good-looking man takes the last free seat next to iwaizumi.

“aren’t you supposed to be sitting with your team?” iwaizumi asks him, taking a bite of his food while waiting for an answer.

the unknown man huffs exaggeratedly, rolling his eyes as he too starts to eat, “thought you’d miss your best friend.”

“hanamaki isn’t here.”

the stranger opens his mouth to reply, clearly offended by iwizumi’s words, when he notices you peeping at him.

“oh? hi! i think we haven’t met,” he shoots you a charming smile, bringing out his remarkably handsome features, “oikawa tooru, it’s nice to meet you.”

you introduce yourself, bowing at him and focusing back on your food.

both friends start to discuss tomorrow’s events, which inevitably brings out iwaizumi’s concern for his players.

“they seem off,” he’s playing around with the food as he stares at the players sitting in the table in front of yours, “i don’t know if i should talk to them or let them be.”

he’s clearly concerned for them, you can see it in his eyes—the doubt, wondering if he has been doing a good job with the team.

“iwaizumi-san, i-i… perhaps i could aid them this time?”

his head snaps in your direction, a mix of surprise and worry taking over his face, “no way, that’d be too much for you.”

oikawa’s eyebrows scrunch up as he observes you two but says nothing, choosing to listen attentively at you trying to convince iwaizumi while the latter sighs and reminds you that it’s not just the jackals this time.

it takes a while for iwaizumi to accept your offer, pondering the pros and cons, but he ends up accepting it; for everyone’s sakes.

“i’m lost.”

oikawa’s words make your insides flare-up, looking down at your hands in order to avoid looking at him, his curious eyes switching between his best friend and you.

iwaizumi ignores him, standing up from his seat and walking to the table in front of you with you and oikawa watching closely. the team turns to look at him, waiting for him to speak since it’s obvious it has to be something important by the severe look on his face.

“seeing as some of you are clearly out of it, our assistant here has very kindly volunteered to help you guys for tonight.”

a few heads immediately perk up, looking at you with bright eyes once you answer their silent question with a smile.

“please, be good to her. i’ll be there supervising anyways, so don’t think of trying anything funny.”

“oikawa-san! you’re coming with us, right?” hinata looks expectantly at said male, excitement clear in the redhead’s eyes, “she’s the best!”

both iwaizumi and you freeze on the spot, gauging oikawa’s reaction who only looks more confused.

“you’re welcome to join us, if you so desire,” it’s you who’s offering it this time, surprising iwaizumi and earning a worried glance from him.

oikawa can’t deny he’s dying to know what everyone’s so excited about, and after thinking about it for a few more seconds, he has made up his mind.

“shall we go, then?”

—

“alright, ground rules.”

just a handful of the team sits in the room, the ones who know what’s happening waiting eagerly for the green light while the rest wonders what the fuss is about. as much as you want to help them all, it’d be impossible; which is why iwaizumi picked the ones he thought needed the morale boost the most.

with a nod in your direction, he lets you know you’re free to speak.

“the jackals already know this,” you say and atsumu snickers from his seat, winking at you as hinata and bokuto nod excitedly, “but i’m not too strict about the entire thing.”

you can feel the pairs of curious eyes burning holes in you—trying to decipher what’s going on. so, after taking a deep breath and getting an awkward, encouraging smile from iwaizumi, you start voicing out the rules.

“please, be patient. there are so many of you and only one of me. i promise you’ll get your turn,” you give atsumu a pointed look, and this time it's sakusa who snorts while the blond setter rolls his eyes, “which brings me to the next rule, no seconds.”

a hand raises in the air, making you advert your attention to its owner. 

“i still don’t get what’s happening,” suna’s eyes narrow down at you, noticing the embarrassment and hesitation in your posture.          

“don’t worry, suna. we’ll show ya.”

“shut it, miya.”

clearing up your throat, you smile coyly at the middle blocker, “it’ll make sense once i finish explaining, suna-san.”

he shrugs but stays quiet. taking into account the jackals’ reactions plus the cryptic rules, an idea has already formed in his mind. but it couldn’t be that. right?

“uh, again, only one round. all entrances are fine,” you pause, going through the rules in your head to see if there’s anything you might be forgetting, “oh! and you’ll be paired up in teams of three to make things faster.”

“one more thing,” iwaizumi speaks up, this time looking at you instead of the awaiting men, “don’t forget to let us know how you’re doing.”

two loud claps break the tense atmosphere, “well, we should get started then,” atsumu raises from his spot and walks towards you. his hands cradle your face between them and lift it so you can face him properly, “what do ya say, princess?”

his lips land on yours before you can reply to him, a small squeal getting stuck in your throat when his hands travel down your body until he’s squeezing your ass.

you’re too caught up in the kiss to notice the new presence looming behind you.

“i’ll take your pussy before anyone can taint it with their dick.”

sakusa’s words make you shudder. you break apart from atsumu’s mouth to turn around and face him, his dark eyes alluring and drawing you towards him.

“oi, newbie,” atsumu calls out to suna who scoffs in return, “c’mere and join us.”

meanwhile, sakusa guides you to the bed, making you sit on his lap as you wait for the other two to show up. once they do, atsumu immediately settles behind you while suna stands awkwardly at the foot of the bed. it’s hard for you to read his expression since you’re not too familiar with him, so you offer him a reassuring smile and pat the spot next to you. 

the rest of the team watches from their seats as the four of you get started. 

suna lifts your chin, his eyes staring down at you before leaning down and kissing the corner of your mouth. he trails down your neck until he reaches your chest, sucking on the skin gently before running his tongue over the delicate area. in the meantime, atsumu unbuttons your blouse, taking it off and playing with your breasts while sakusa busies himself with taking your pants off.

“i get the hype, now,” suna whispers in your ear, blowing air on it and then biting down on your earlobe, making the hairs of your body rise.

his lips capture yours in a slow kiss —savoring your taste— and one of his hands goes to the back of your neck to keep you in place. his teeth play with your bottom lip, biting it softly and pulling away, his hooded eyes calculating your reaction.

“don’t get too excited, suna,” atsumu says from his spot behind you, pinching your nipples between his fingers and prompting a whine to escape your lips, “you’ll only get her mouth.”

“mhm, is that so?” suna’s question is directed towards you rather than atsumu, tilting your chin up and smirking at the dazed look in your eyes, “can’t wait to see that pretty mouth bulging with my cock, then.”

his lewd words earn a few coughs and clearing throats from the rest, which he chooses to ignore when your hand cups his growing bulge.

“enough you two, let the poor woman have a bit of pleasure too,” sakusa’s dark eyes look at you questioningly, silently asking if you’re ready to continue.

in return, you cup his face with your free hand and kiss his cheek—knowing he wouldn’t appreciate a kiss on the mouth when you just finished making out with another man.

they finish getting you out of your clothes until your bare cunt is hovering over sakusa’s lap. he’s quick to undress and ease his cock into you, suna and atsumu observing as they get rid of their clothes as well.

“fuck,” sakusa groans in your ear, the position allowing you to hide your face in his neck and wrap your arms around his shoulders, “always so tight.”

“scoot over, i need to prep her ass.”

suna snorts at atsumu’s words, pumping his cock twice before kneeling on the mattress—right next to you. he pats your cheek with the swollen head, looking down at you with a faint smirk.

“open up.”

your eyes immediately focus on his length, your mouth watering at the sight. you open your mouth and stick your tongue out, looking up at him and observing as he rests the tip on your tongue. 

“looking so pretty with a cock in your mouth,” he slowly slides in, guiding your head down until half of him is inside, “so warm.” 

a cold liquid dribbles on your backside, making you flinch forward and causing suna’s cock to slide in even more.

“relax, baby. it’s just me,” atsumu rubs the liquid on your asshole, playing with it with his finger before finally sliding it in.

your muscles contract involuntarily, making sakusa groan as he keeps still inside your pussy, waiting for you to grow used to the multiple things going on around you.

“hurry up before i start fucking her.”

a second finger slides in and you moan around suna’s cock, spit running at the corners of your mouth which reminds you to swallow. you hollow your cheeks and retract your mouth until only the tip remains inside, running your tongue over the slit and making the middle blocker shudder.

“someone’s hungry,” he muses.

you hum around him, bobbing your head back and forth and pumping the rest of his length with one hand.

“i’m gonna try get in now, okay?” atsumu taps your ass with his cock, lining it up with your asshole and thrusting in. he watches as the head of his cock finally slips in, groaning when the familiar tightness engulfs him, “that’s it, baby. doin’ so good for me.”

you have to remove your mouth from suna’s cock to avoid biting down on him, the stretch slightly more painful than pleasurable which eventually leads to you tensing up even more. 

“you gotta relax,” atsumu says under his breath, strained by the way you feel around his dick.

it takes you around a minute to calm down, taking deep breaths until you feel yourself loosen up and, with one last push, he’s finally inside.

“omi?” you say against his neck, “could you move a bit, please?”

said man grunts as he starts to move his hips, your slick helping his cock glide in, “color.”

it takes you a few seconds to understand what he meant.

“oh! uhh, green.”

atsumu’s thrusts are slow —testing the waters— since the last thing he wants is to get yelled at for being too rough, too soon. but you’re growing impatient, moving your hips backwards and trying to get more of him inside of you.

“m-more, ‘tsumu. i can take it,” you say and he immediately complies, his muscular thighs now slapping against your ass.

suna remains kneeling next to you, cock in his hand as he waits for you to bring your attention back to him. but he doesn’t have to wait too long, your hand wrapping around his cock and guiding it back into your mouth once you’ve set a steady pace with the other two men.

“thought you had forgotten about me.”

he pushes your hair out of your face, watching your lips wrap around his girth. it’s taking all of his willpower to not hold your head and fuck your face until you’re gagging around him, afraid it might be a big ‘no’ from you. and since it’s the first time he’s getting to experience this, he decides to take whatever’s given to him.

“you’re so wet,” sakusa points out as he looks down at where you two are connected, observing his cock slide in and out of your cunt, covered with your slick.

“‘course she is, she’s being stuffed by three cocks.”

“feels good…” your manage to say after releasing suna with a pop, pumping his shaft with your hand, “a-am i making you feel better?”

a hand lands on your ass, causing you to yelp and tighten your hold on suna’s cock. 

“what do ya think, hm? we’re getting our dicks wet in none other but our slutty little assistant's holes,” atsumu plays with your ass, squeezing it and humming when the imprint of his hands appears on the soft flesh.

“mhm, quite the slut you are,” sakusa whispers in your ear, kissing your neck afterwards, “as long as i get to make a mess out of that cunt of yours before anyone else, i will always enjoy these little sessions of ours.”

your eyes land on suna, waiting for him to say his thoughts on the matter.

his gaze drops to your hand, covered in his pre-cum and your spit which sends a jolt to his cock, making it throb in your hand.

“can’t say i hate it.”

you smile at his words, recognizing the challenge hidden behind them. your mouth wraps around the flushed tip, eyes closing when both sakusa and atsumu thrust up into your holes at the same time. you try to keep your hand steady as you suck suna off, but the lewd grunts and moans coming from them, plus their cocks filling you so nicely make your rhythm falter every once in a while.

a hand starts toying with your clit, causing you to moan around suna’s cock. the vibrations make him shudder, scowling at himself when he realizes his orgasm is approaching faster than he expected.

“fuck, fuck– princess? do you mind if i cum inside?” atsumu grunts.

your muscles clench at the thought of being filled with his cum, imagining the thick liquid oozing out of your sensitive holes only to stuff it back in with your fingers.

“y-yes, ‘tsumu. cum inside me,” you pant as your hands squeeze suna’s cock, pumping it faster as you notice his hips jerking towards you. you turn your face to look at sakusa, who has his eyebrows drawn upwards and his mouth open slightly as he too feels overwhelmed by the pleasure, “omi, you can cum inside as well.”

and he doesn’t need to be told twice, his large hands holding you by your hips so he can thrust his cock into your drenched cunt faster.

moans and squelching noises echo around the room. atsumu picks up his pace as he feels his orgasm approaching, his deep grunts fanning over your neck and taking over your hearing. the drag of sakusa’s pubic bone against your clit has you cumming shortly after. your head rolls forward as both men keep thrusting in and out of you, only stopping once their cum fill your clenching holes.

“shit– look at me,” suna orders you, and you barely have time to process what’s happening.

his cum lands on your face, his hand helping you pump his throbbing cock as the ropes of cum cover your skin. he exhales heavily once he’s done, brushing the flushed head of his cock over your swollen lips, and smearing the white liquid around them.

it’s silent for a few seconds, save for the heavy breathing and pants coming from your mouths.

“holy shit,” oikawa’s voice breaks the silence. his cock strains almost painfully against his pants at the sight of what awaits him.

“yeah, holy shit,” atsumu laughs off, brushing his hair out of his face with one hand as he massages the flesh of your ass with the other, “ya never disappoint, princess.”

with a grunt, the blond setter removes his softening cock from you, his honey eyes —plus a few curious ones— observing the way his cum dribbles out from your stretched hole. the same thing happens with sakusa, who lifts your hips off of him, his cock falling on his stomach and the mix of your slick and his cum dripping down on his length.

atsumu’s fingers immediately go to your cunt, pumping the juices back into you, “god, you love this. don’t you, baby?”

all you can do is whine, your hands clenching the sheets until he removes his fingers from your sensitive pussy, and stuffs them inside your mouth. 

“we all get a turn?” kageyama whispers not so discreetly to hinata, who only nods eagerly in return.

you lick atsumu’s fingers clean which earns you a radiant smile from him.

“here.”

suna has his arm outstretched, handing you a tissue so you can clean your face.

“thank you,” you take it from his hands as you climb off of sakusa’s lap.

you’re cleaning the residues of cum on your face when a hand falls on top of your head. 

“drink some water before you start the next round,” sakusa’s dark eyes suddenly seem warmer and kinder to you, patting your head before disappearing into the bathroom.

after tossing the used tissue away, you turn to iwaizumi and give him a firm nod.

“who’s next?”

your dazzling smile has the rest of the men in awe, silently praying it’s them who get to feel your body with their hands next.

“bokuto,” the wing spiker’s immediately perks up at the sound of his name, “you, kageyama, and hakuba are next.”

the three men raise from their seats and make their way towards the bed—towards you.

“hey, bo,” you offer a loving smile to him, “you ready?”

his strong arms wrap around you, kissing your cheek loudly and making you giggle, “it feels as if i’ve been waiting forever. of course, i’m ready!”

meanwhile, kageyama and gao stand at the foot of the bed, waiting for any instructions or a signal from you that could tell them when to start. luckily, you’re quick to notice their hesitation.

”is there a particular place where you want to be?” you ask them, looking specifically at kageyama and gao, since you want to make sure they feel included.

“dibs on your mouth!”

you blush at bokuto’s enthusiasm but accept his request, stroking his cheek as you wait for the other two to answer.  

“i’ll take whatever,” kageyama says and scratches the back of his neck.

“me too,” gao smiles and takes a few steps towards you, making bokuto move away from you. his large hand tucks one piece of your hair away, his eyes staring at yours before dropping to your lips, “although, i think i’d like it better if i had your pussy gripping my cock. wouldn’t you like that?”

he presses his front against yours, his erection poking at your belly which earns a small gasp from you. you have to stop yourself from taking a look at the tent in his sweatpants, trying to figure out how much of him there is hidden inside the fabric.

“o-okay.”

the middle blocker smiles at you before diving down to your lips. his hands grab your waist, lifting you up from the ground and making you wrap your legs around his torso. he gently places you down on the bed and kisses his way down your neck until his mouth is right above your erect nipple.

“hey! i want to kiss her too,” bokuto complains, “you can’t hog her like that.”

“s’okay bo, come here.”

he doesn’t have to be told twice, immediately climbing onto the bed and leaning down to kiss your lips.

you grab the back of his head and run your fingers through his soft hair, pulling on it gently which causes a groan to rumble in his chest.

a pair of hands slide over your legs, pushing them apart until your bare cunt is spread wide open for everyone to see.

“you’re dripping, babe,” gao murmurs over your nipple, giving it a light tug before flicking his tongue over it, “do you want my cock that badly?”

you can only moan and nod, your lips still busy with bokuto’s.

but there’s someone who still has yet to join you.

“tobio-chan, if you’re not going to do anything then let me take your place instead.”

oikawa’s words snap you out of your daze. you pat bokuto’s cheek signaling him to let go of you, and the same thing happens with gao as you try to sit up. your eyes fall on kageyama who stands at the same spot with a conflicted look and an obvious erection in his pants. 

“hey,” you crawl your way towards him and sit on your knees, “are you uncomfortable?”

his mouth opens but nothing comes out of it. he can feel the weight of everyone’s stare on him, making him look away from you. 

a few seconds pass and there’s still no answer.

“you don’t have to do this, you know?” you say in a small tone, slightly confused as to why he’s rejecting you, “i just thought… i could help you relax.”

he nods, still avoiding your gaze.

you take a look at iwaizumi –who looks as equally as puzzled as you– before looking back at the setter.

“do you want to leave?”

at this, his head finally snaps towards you, “no, i-” he pauses. his eyes are immediately drawn to your mouth, making him involuntarily wet his lips, “i want to stay.”

relief washes over you, a timid smile spreading on your lips which is quickly mirrored by him. you take his hand in yours and guide him to the other side of the bed, urging him to join the rest of you. there’s a hunger in his eyes that has your pussy dripping with your slick, a sigh leaving your lips when your back hits the pillows as you watch him take gao’s previous spot.

“kiss me, tobio.”

and he does. it starts slow, hesitant, but it soon turns desperate. his tongue strokes yours before sucking on it, spit coating your lips thanks to the messiness of the kiss. the strain of his cock inside his pants becomes too uncomfortable to his liking, causing him to start humping against you, trying to relieve himself.

noticing his predicament, you move your hand between your bodies and palm his hard-on. he groans against your lips, his hips jerking forward seeking more of your touch.

in the meantime, both bokuto and gao pump their cocks with their hands, having taken their clothes off while you talked to kageyama.

gao squeezes the head of his cock between his hands, pre-cum oozing from the slit as he imagines the way your cunt is going to grip him, “babe, you’re making us suffer.”

“get in line!”

“atsumu, shut the fuck up.”

“baby?” bokuto asks from where he stands, his own cock stiff and ready to be inside your mouth, “we don’t mean to be pushy, but do you think you could get to us soon?”

“bokuto-san, you’re going to break a rule!” hinata says, clearly concerned for his teammate, “be patient, remember?”

the rest of the team laughs and you can’t help but join them.

at this, bokuto pouts playfully at you, “you’re just teasing me, baby.”

“then come here,” you gasp when kageyama’s mouth sucks at the base of your neck, “y-you wanted my mouth, right?”

bokuto kneels next to your face, patting the leaking tip on your lips.

“i’m going to fuck that pretty mouth of yours and you’re going to take it like a good girl,” he says, his tone leaving no room for questions, “open.”

you comply immediately, lolling out your tongue and waiting for him to rest his heavy cock on top of it. 

the lewd sight in front of him makes bokuto shudder. his hands grasp your head, pushing you down his length until he feels your throat constricting around him.

“fuck– baby,” he grunts and gives a shallow thrust, “i know you can do better than that.”     

you try to relax your jaw so you can fit more of him inside of your mouth. but as you are about to graze your nose against his pubic bone, a finger runs between your folds causing you to flinch.

“i’m still here.”

gao’s tone sounds stern, even if a playful smile tugs his lips upwards, you can see the seriousness swirling in his eyes.

kageyama sighs and leaves your side, stepping away momentarily to take his pants off. 

the middle blocker takes it as his chance to settle between your legs as bokuto keeps your mouth busy.

“you’re drenched, sweetheart,” he muses, running his digits over your slit, “don’t worry, i’ll fill this pussy with my cock so well that you’ll be cumming in no time.”

your eyes travel to his shaft, watching as he pumps it twice before running it between your folds. your brows furrow when you notice how heavy it feels, making you wonder if it will fit in.

he lines himself up with your hole, pushing the head inside which is enough to have you whining around bokuto’s cock.

“you look so sexy,” bokuto groans, pushing your head away from him and watching your spit run down your mouth. he looks at kageyama who stands awkwardly with his cock in hand, “i guess we’re sharing her mouth.”

the setter’s eyes widen slightly before nodding, mimicking bokuto’s position and nudging his cock on your lips, “suck.”

your breath hitches at his order, caught off guard by his demanding tone. you grab his cock from the base and guide it into your mouth, pumping bokuto’s length with your other hand. you hum around kageyama, running your tongue over the head of his cock before hollowing your cheeks and sucking harshly on it. 

but your attention on them doesn’t last too long, the sudden feel of your pussy getting split open by gao’s cock taking it away.

“so tight,” he grunts, one of his hands running over the skin of your inner thigh until he reaches your soaking cunt. he pulls your folds apart, watching you struggle to take his cock inside you—no matter how wet you are, “i bet those jackals haven’t been fucking you like you deserve.”

“oi!” “not true!”

you free your mouth from kageyama and use both hands to pump his and bokuto’s cock, “s-so big, ugh-”

gao pushes more of him in, half of his cock already inserted in you. but he’s just so thick, so big, that you can’t help but clamp down your walls around him. his thumb starts rubbing circles on your clit, trying to relax your walls, as his other hand settles on your abdomen.

“you’re going to be so full of my cock that you’ll be able to see it,” he gives a gentle pat to your belly, “right here.”

your grip on the other two men tightens as gao finally bottoms out, a whine breaking through your lips at the stretch.

“if only you could see yourself,” his thrusts are lazy, mesmerized by the way your belly bulges when he pushes his cock inside you, “so fucking sexy with my fat cock inside your cunt.”

your lips wrap around the tip of bokuto’s cock once more, closing your eyes as pleasure clouds your head. he thrusts in, hitting the back of your throat and making you gag.

“good girl,” bokuto exhales, “taking my cock so well.”

you quicken the pace of your other hand, looking at kageyama as you obscenely suck bokuto.

the setter’s eyes refuse to leave yours, “who would’ve thought our assistant could be so naughty.”

“as if you’re complaining,” gao says, lifting your leg over his shoulder. the new angle allowing him to press his hips closer to yours.

“i never said i was.”

bokuto curses under his breath when you start sucking his balls, pumping the rest of his length with your hand and squeezing the head of kageyama’s cock with the other.

“you’re going to make me cum,” bokuto groans.

giggling, you lick your way up and run your tongue over the slit, “cum in my mouth.”

the sound of collective groans echoes in the room, a fair amount of players finding your words arousing.

“what a slut, let’s see if you keep talking when you’re covered in our cum.”

gao’s threat goes straight to your pussy, making you cream around his girth. the pace of his thumb on your clit quickens once he notices your walls spasming around him.

“ngh, fuck!” you’re breathing heavily by now, barely managing to keep the pace of your hands consistent, “i-i’m gonna… i’m gonna cum.”

“let go, baby.”

one of gao’s hands travels up your body until he’s pinching your nipple between his fingers.

“shit, shit, shit,” you’re thrashing underneath him, your cunt fluttering around his cock thanks to your orgasm.

kageyama’s way too focused on the way your face contorts in pleasure to notice how his hips have started to jerk faster. that is until the familiar coil suddenly snaps and his cum lands on your chin and part of your chest. 

“h-how did you get even tighter- hah!”

warm spurts of cum fill your cunt, the sense of fullness intensifying as gao frees his load inside of you.

“i’m cumming, baby. fuck, fuck–” bokuto chants your name as he too reaches his orgasm, quickly shoving his cock into your mouth and releasing his thick cum inside of it.   

you make sure to keep sucking him, milking his cock dry. once you remove your mouth from him, you bring his and kageyama’s cock closer to your face and pucker your lips, letting the mix of cum and spit fall on their cocks before giving a few kitten licks to the flushed heads.

gao starts to remove his cock from your insides, cursing at the state of your pussy once he’s finally out.

“holy fuck, she’s tightening around nothing.”

you let out a low moan when his fingers spread your lower lips, “t-too sensitive.”

“i think that’s enough,” iwaizumi intervenes, pushing him away, “color?”

“yellow,” but you continue as soon as you see his face become stern, “relax, i just need to calm down a bit.”

kageyama offers you a towel before awkwardly thanking you for your help. and after receiving a kiss on the forehead from bokuto, the three of them leave to go clean themselves.

“iwa-chan, why don’t you give her a massage?”

you let your body fall on the mattress, extending your arms above your head and moaning at the stretch.

“mm, that’d be nice.”

iwaizumi rolls his eyes playfully when he sees you pouting at him, “get on your stomach, i’ll be right back.”

in the meantime, oikawa and hinata take the spots next to you, eager to finally have their turn with you.

“you’re so pretty,” oikawa runs his hands over the skin of your shoulders, “those idiots are lucky to have you.”

your eyes start closing up, focusing on the feel of his fingers on your skin and making goosebumps appear all over your body.

“shoyo, we should help her relax too. don’t you think?”

you catch the suggestive tone in his voice, but his touch feels so good that you choose to ignore it.

both men start caressing your body, hinata’s hands paying special attention to your shoulders while oikawa pets your hair, murmuring sweet nothings. 

“you ready?” iwaizumi pops back into the room, a bottle of oil and a clean towel in his hands.

“mhm.”

the towel rests on your ass, iwaizumi’s warm hands spreading the oil on your back and rubbing at the sore muscles.

“does that feel good, princess?” oikawa asks when he hears you sigh. you are about to reply when iwaizumi hits a sore spot, a groan slipping past your lips and making the setter chuckle, “can you tell me your color now?”

“green.”

oikawa looks at iwaizumi and both men seem to communicate through their eyes, the latter smirking before going back to work.

at first, you don’t pay too much attention to his movements, choosing to focus on the pleasure. but then you notice how his hands seem to ghost lower and lower until he’s kneading your ass, the towel long forgotten.

before you can comment on it, he moves them to your thighs, massaging the soft flesh. it all goes back to normal –or so you think– until his hands reach higher and his digits start grazing your slit.

“hajime…”

“shh,” oikawa coos in your ear, pushing your hair out of your face and kissing your temple, “let him take care of you.”

iwaizumi inserts one finger inside your pussy, curling it until he’s teasing the spongy walls.

whines escape your mouth, your hands gripping the bedsheets which are quickly replaced by hinata’s hands.

“so cute.”

another finger slips in and makes you open your eyes, looking at oikawa helplessly, “o-oikawa-san-”

“tooru,” he interrupts you.

“tooru,” you try his name and he hums, letting you know he’s listening, “could you… uh, k-kiss me?”

“of course, princess.”

he leans down to capture your lips, swallowing your moans when iwaizumi curls both fingers and massages your spot. 

you open your legs, allowing iwaizumi to finger you better as you rut your hips on the mattress, rubbing your clit against the fabric of the sheets and chasing after your orgasm.

“iwa– faster, please.”

he complies immediately, causing wetness to gush out of your cunt and making the distinctive squelching sounds fill the room.

“i’m gonna– ah! i’m c-cumming!” 

“cum for me,” he encourages you, and that’s all you need.

you gush around his fingers, your slick coating them as you squirm under the gaze of the three men.

hinata tugs at your hand, pulling you underneath him and kissing you sloppily. you gasp on his mouth, caught off guard by the sudden movement but quickly melting into the kiss.

he blushes once he pulls away, “s-sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

“it’s okay, shoyo,” you breathe out, caressing his cheek, “want me to help you?”

he beams at your offer, nodding eagerly as he watches you climb on top of him. you straddle his hips and run your cunt over his cock, shivering when his length grazes your clit.

“do you want me to ride you?” you whisper, playing with his hair. 

“wait- i think i have a better idea.”

hinata lifts you from his lap and moves until he’s sitting on the edge of the mattress. he pushes your hips with his hands, turning you around so you’re facing away from him. 

“you can sit on my lap now.”

your ass rests right on top of his cock, but he hooks his arms on your knees, spreading you open, as he lets himself fall back on the mattress.

“what are you–”

“oikawa-san, doesn’t this remind you of something?”

said man laughs, “how could i forget? we had quite some fun back in brazil, huh?”

you’re visibly confused, looking at oikawa with furrowed brows, “what do you want to do?”

“say, princess,” his tone suddenly sounds too sweet for your liking, “have you ever had two cocks in one hole?”

your eyes widen, looking back and forth between oikawa and iwaizumi—who has ridden himself of his clothes and sits next to you, his thick cock in his hand.

“i’ll take that as a no.”

“can we do that?” hinata asks from behind you, his breath fanning on your ear, “we’ll be gentle.”

“there’s literally another free hole for you to use!” someone yells, clearly annoyed they didn’t get the chance to do it.

oikawa clicks his tongue, “where’s the fun in that?”

after taking a minute to think it through, you agree to their offer, “okay… uh- iwa?” you turn to look at him, “what about you?”

seeing as there’s no room for him to take your ass, his eyes land on your mouth. and with two taps of his finger on your cheek, he lets you know his decision.

“think you can suck me off?”

they’re all given the green light when you answer his question. hinata raises you from his lap, aligning his cock with your entrance before letting your weight fall on top of it. you groan at the familiar thickness stretching you nicely, missing the flash of hunger in the setter’s eyes.  

“my turn.”

oikawa presses the tip on your entrance, pushing forward and making room for his own cock.

the burn of having two cocks in one hole is new to you, but it’s surprisingly more pleasurable than you thought it’d be. you lift your eyes to look at oikawa, his gaze already locked on you, and you feel your pussy cream around their cocks at the lust in his eyes.

“enjoying yourself, princess?”

you moan when he bottoms out, watching the muscles of his abdomen contract and feeling his cock pulsing inside of you.

the thrill of being stretched by two cocks, at the same time, has your head spinning; your thoughts becoming lewd as you picture both men cumming inside you and globs of cum dripping from your abused hole.

“oikawa-san, did you feel that?” hinata asks. half-amused, half excited, “she’s squeezing us so well.”

“naughty, princess,” the setter grunts, “don’t forget about iwa-chan.”

you turn your head to face him, catching the irritated look he sends oikawa before looking down at you.

iwaizumi’s eyes immediately soften, but a smirk slowly tugs at the corners of his lips, “you seem busy.”

“there’s always room for japan’s national team athletic trainer.”

he can’t help but laugh, shaking his head at the silly title. he raises from his seat and settles himself above you, his cock hovering on your face and making your mouth water.

“whenever you’re ready.”

you don’t need to be told twice. grasping his thick cock with your hand, you lean forward and flick your tongue on the head, looking at him through your lashes with faux innocence.

“start moving,” iwaizumi hisses, the words directed at the other two men, “seems like she needs a little reminder of who’s in charge right now.”

oikawa and hinata look at each other with smirks on their lips. as hinata said earlier, they’ve been in this position before, so there’s no need for words between them since they both know what’s coming next.

hinata moves his head slightly to the side, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder and, at the same time, granting him the view of your cunt being filled with their cocks.

“look at her, oikawa-san” his eyes are locked on your pussy, captivated by the way you suck them in, “she looks so pretty with two cocks splitting her open.”

hinata’s lewd words prompt you to involuntarily moan, the vibrations landing on iwaizumi’s cock.  

“hmm, you like it when you’re reduced to nothing but a slut. don’t you?”

you blink up at iwaizumi as you keep bobbing your head up and down his shaft, opting to hum to let him know you’re not ignoring him.

but his words catch someone else’s attention.

“is that true?” oikawa asks, amusement clear in his voice, “you like being reminded you’re a whore? how much of a greedy slut you are by fucking an entire volleyball team?”

you’re speechless, his words –matched with his and hinata’s harsh thrusts– causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head.

“answer me.”

oikawa’s hand wraps around your throat, barely applying any pleasure but it’s enough to send your mind into a frenzy.

after releasing iwaizumi’s cock from your mouth, you take a second to swallow down your spit before answering him.

“y-yes, tooru. i like being treated like a slut.”

his eyes sparkle with mischief, pleased by your words.

“good, because that’s how you’re going to be treated from now on.”

a hand travels to your throbbing clit, rubbing circles on the sensitive nub.

“s-shoyo!”

“shh, it’ll make you feel good.”

something wet slaps against your cheek, “don’t get distracted.”

you nod and go back to sucking iwaizumi off, moaning every time hinata or oikawa hit a spot inside your cunt. you dare take a look at where your body connects with both men, and you catch yourself becoming entranced by the way their cocks slide in and out of your pussy so easily.

you are familiar with hinata’s cock, but it’s nice to see the contrast between the two of them. while hinata’s length is thick and veiny, oikawa’s leans towards the slimmer side—but still with a considerable length. either way, both men manage to hit those sweet spots inside you and make you see stars. 

“shit– princess,” oikawa falters a bit when he feels your walls fluttering around him.

“we can cum inside you, right?” hinata asks, sensing his orgasm approaching. after all, he had been waiting for his turn for around an hour.

you pull away from iwaizumi, a string of spit connecting your lips with his cock and causing it to twitch at the sight.

“you can cum wherever you want.”

“oh? the team’s cocksleeve,” oikawa adds, “i see.”

iwaizumi chuckles, combing your hair out of your face and pushing his cock back into the warmth of your mouth, “you like that nickname, sweetheart?”

with his length still in your mouth, you manage to hum in affirmation.

hinata’s pace on your clit quickens as his hips jerk faster, your cunt squeezing their cocks even more in return, “i’m cumming, ah– i-i’m gonna cum!”

he manages to say before you feel him twitch inside you, pumping his cum into your walls. the fullness plus his rapid movements on your clit cause the familiar warmth to take over your body. but it’s your fourth orgasm of the night, and before you can warn anyone, liquid spurts out of your cunt.

you squirm on top of hinata, gushing around his and oikawa’s cock while your mouth remains occupied with iwaizumi’s.

“holy shit.”

both oikawa and iwaizumi cum at the sight of you squirting before them, observing the wetness soaking oikawa’s abdomen and running all the way down onto the bedsheets. they groan as they feel their load releasing into you, oikawa filling your tender cunt while iwaizumi fills your mouth.

you try to swallow a bit of iwaizumi’s cum but it’s useless. your chest heaves in exhaustion, your eyes closing involuntarily as you’re being hit with wave after wave of fatigue.

“hey,” oikawa winces when he removes his cock from you. he shoots a worried glance at iwaizumi before he’s leaning forward so he can take a closer look at you, “princess? how are you feeling?”

iwaizumi nudges hinata with his knee, wordlessly telling him to let go of you.

the following moments become a foggy mess, your mind barely registering the pair of arms wrapping around you and carrying you somewhere else.

all you can feel is tiredness, and the dampness between your thighs, before you finally pass out.

—

consciousness slowly makes its way to you, replacing the sleepiness and making you aware of your surroundings as a familiar soreness sits heavy on your body.

in an instant, flashbacks from the previous night run through your mind.

you grip the duvet and push it away from you, only to notice the set of clothes you’re wearing: an oversized hoodie and a pair of sweatpants that clearly don’t belong to you. but you don’t have time to dwell on it, the sound of your ringtone blasting all over the room and making you scramble around the bed so you can answer the call.

but it’s of no use when it goes to voicemail—you were a bit too late.

when you manage to find your phone, you tap on the screen to see whose call you just missed.

‘hajime’

your fingertips hover on the contact name, debating between returning the call or wait for him to call you again. but a few notifications pop up at the top of the screen signaling you have three text messages from him.

hey, i guess you’re still asleep. don’t freak out when you wake up, you deserve the rest so it’s okay if you stay in bed. i left your breakfast on the nightstand and you can always call me if you need anything else.

and i thought you’d like to see this.

there’s a link attached at the end of the message.

you click on it and wait for the page to load, tapping your nails on the back of your phone anxiously. a headline in big bold letters takes over the screen and you have to stop yourself from squealing.

‘japan men’s volleyball team makes it past the first round.’

you start scrolling down the article, reading how spectacular the match was and how the entire team seemed to be in their best shape. you feel your face heat up when you read the argentinian team won their match too, with multiple comments praising oikawa’s performance.

with a smile on your lips, you go back to your messages to type a quick reply to iwaizumi. only to notice you have one more text from him.

it’s our turn to take care of you.

[christowhore]

Redeeming Myself

pairing: chris evans x professor!fem!reader

summary: after breaking your heart and losing your trust, chris makes it his mission to prove to you how much you mean to him.

word count: 6.3k

warnings: age gap (reader is 29, chris is 40), angst, reminiscing on past actions, fluff, talks with therapist, chris makes up for bad behavior, slight alcohol consumption, smut, happy endings, rpf !!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!!

notes: the final installment of Pining for Professor. it was only supposed to be a one shot, but i got inspired and expanded it. it took a while cause writers block, but it’s here. for anyone who has read the series, thank you and hope you enjoy ! 💓🥰

i do not allow the reposting, rewriting or translating of my fics. these are works of my own and i do not give permission for any of the acts stated above.

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SERIES MASTERLIST • MAIN MASTERLIST

For a month and a half following that afternoon, Chris began to go above and beyond to mend his mistakes in an effort to regain your trust.

He knew that he shouldn’t have been forgiven for the hurtful words he hurled at you, the voice he raised, and his cold demeanor through it all. But you forgave him nonetheless, which he was eternally grateful for.

Chris suspected that his venom-laced words still took a toll on your overall being. He sensed it in the way your usual humming was kept to a minimum, as did your soft caresses to his body. The fun facts that you would randomly blurt out had basically become nonexistent.

You hadn’t tried initiating sex with Chris due to still being affected by his actions, which was understandable to the brunette.

He could tell you were being cautious around him, which broke his heart more than he could’ve imagined.

The two of you never really talked in depth about what happened, deciding to push it under the rug and move past it. But ignoring the elephant in the room could only last for so long.

That morning was no different. He had spent the night at your place and decided to wake up and make you breakfast in an effort to mend the faltering relationship.

You woke up to an empty bed, something that you were used to since Chris had always been an early riser. Getting your morning routine out the way, you made your descent downstairs with the smell of pesto guiding you down the steps.

Walking into the kitchen, you saw the sight of your topless boyfriend, donning only a pair of boxers and an apron. You watched as he studiously focused on the skillet in front of him. His intense focus and the sounds of eggs frying in the pan made him oblivious to your arrival.

It wasn’t until you made your way towards the fridge next to him, that he registered your presence. “Morning princess, you sleep well.”

“Yeah, I slept fine,” your voice still a bit gravely from your slumber. You poured yourself a glass of orange juice, ignoring the intense gaze from Chris in your peripheral vision.

He was so used to having you touch him in the mornings. Not so much in a sexual way, but more intimately. The way your lips would ghost against his shoulder blade, your palms would hold his sides and pull him against you so that way you could bask in his warmth. Your arms would wrap around his front until your fingers absentmindedly toyed with his lower abdomen, playing with the wisps of hair on his happy trail.

He missed when you would move your lips until they met the space behind his ears, giving light open mouth kisses. The sound of you whispering ‘Morning daddy’ would leave him awestruck. Even though the words were a regular occurrence for him to hear, it was the way you would say it in your morning voice that made it ten times more special.

Though those actions might seem minuscule to others, they meant the world to him and it was killing him that he hadn’t been able to experience such tender moments with you in a while.

“I’m making breakfast- pesto eggs and some bacon for you. It’ll be done in a minute.”

You nodded along before heading to the table, phone in hand while catching up on your morning news.

It didn’t take long before a steaming plate was placed in front of you, the scent of garlic and basil already making you salivate.

Chris sat besides you and watched as you dug a fork into your meal, a smile reaching his face as he heard your content moans.

The two of you ate in silence, only the sound of soft chewing and utensils hitting your respective plates could be heard.

Every so often, you would feel Chris peek at you, hoping for you to start up a conversation with him like you always did. It’s not like you didn’t want to, it was just that you were still hurting due to his words. You know from a psychological standpoint that there was something going on inside of him that caused him to lash out, which you understood. But it didn’t aid in diminishing your apprehensiveness towards opening up to him, afraid that another fight would break out and hurtful words would again be hurled.

He could sense the internal struggle battling within you so he spoke up, breaking you out from your subconscious.

“I know I’ve been saying this repeatedly over the past few weeks, but I want you to know how sorry I am,” Chris sympathetically stated, “You didn’t deserve what I put you through, the things I said. I just hope that we're able to someday go back to how we were.”

You sat there staring at the man in front of you. Was there a way that the two of you can revert to what once was? Could you actually forgive him?

Not knowing how to properly respond, you simply nodded. A tight lipped smile was evidence that Chris had a lot of making up to do.

Finishing up breakfast, you excused yourself to your office to go and work on your dissertation, leaving the brunette alone with his thoughts.

He knew that he needed to do something big to make up for his actions. He also knew that he needed to figure out why he lashed out on you.

Taking out his phone, he clicked on a saved contact and listened to the dial tone ring in his ear.

“Morning, I’d like to make an appointment as soon as possible. It’s an emergency.”

Chris sat on the plush maroon couch, his eyes getting reacquainted with the familiar setting. The office had a few knick knacks littered around the space. A potted plant here and there. Motivational, yet cheesy posters on the wall. An assortment of magazines on the coffee table.

He hadn’t been here in a while, his usual talks were about his anxiety and dealing with fame. But for this appointment it was about you- specifically how he treated you.

The new topic was foreign to him, resulting in the brunette not knowing how to address it. So he silently sat there as his therapist, Dr. Reynolds, held her pen in her hand and studied his behavior.

“So,” she cautiously started, “What brings you in today?”

Chris sat there twiddling his fingers at her question. There could’ve been a few reasons that brought him in, but the main one was why he said the things he hurled at you.

He proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes recapping the events that had transpired, making sure to not spare any detail. After his spiel, Dr. Reynolds skimmed through her notes that she jotted down during his explanation.

Looking up from her notebook, she locked eyes with the brunette. “Do you think that some of your actions correlate with self-sabotaging behaviors? How, when you opened yourself up to her so suddenly it made you feel scared? Scared that you might need to face those fears that are plaguing you.”

Chris sat there incredulously, “Well- I mean no. I don’t think so.”

The pair talked for over an hour, going over the usual allotted time as they broke down why Chris had acted a certain way.

He realized the anger he felt was a coping mechanism to avoid feeling what he truly felt: fear. Mainly his fear of commitment. Part of him was scared that any future marriage would end up like his parents, in divorce. He feared that you would stop loving him. He feared that he would stop loving you.

And that fear was ultimately pushing you away from him. Which uncovered the biggest fear of all, losing you.

Dr. Reynolds eventually received a knock on her door, indicating a waiting patient, causing their therapy session to be cut and saved for another day.

“Thanks doc, I think I know what I need to do now.”

After some much needed self-reflection made in the meeting with his therapist, Chris knew what he had to do. Leaving the office, he pulled out his phone and dialed his publicist, Megyn.

A few rings later, he went into detail to the blonde about his plan. Not caring about what the press might say, or how his fans might react, he needed to get it done.

She wasn’t too keen on dealing with the impending press that would come from it, but she was happy that he was able to find someone that he truly loved.

He went back to your place that evening with a refreshed mind. The rest of the day went by as usual, you both did your own respective things, the tension still heavy in the air.

As you both started on your own night routine, his main focus was on you. He didn’t even know he stopped brushing and was staring until you snapped your fingers in front of his eyes.

“Earth to Chris, everything alright?” your tone was light and airy, hinted with a bit of joy.

Chris looked at the slight smile on your face and was reminded all over again as to why he fell for you. That smile was something that was so ingrained in his mind that not even old age could make him forget it. It warmed his entire being whenever he was sad and it made him realize he could never take it off your face for the rest of his days.

“Yeah princess,” he whispered, still lost in you, “I’m alright.”

You nodded along to him, though your eyes squinted a bit due to being curious of his change in demeanor. Before he was overly cautious around you, now it seemed as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

Before you could set your toothbrush down and set out for bed, he stopped you with a hand on your elbow, pulling you into him. Not caring that there were still dribbles of toothpaste in his mouth, he leant down and attached his lips to yours.

The kiss was soft, he was desperate to feel your softness against him though wasn’t trying to rush the act in any way. Moving his hand up, he held onto your cheek in an effort to pull you even closer than you already are.

The smell of your lavender night cream instantly calmed him, making him feel safe in your embrace and absentmindedly smiling into the kiss.

Chris finally pulled away, only slightly, to look down on you with a dopey grin. “God I’m in love with you.”

For the first time in weeks, a genuine smile reached your face to match the man across from you.

“I love you too love bug,” you sighed against his lips, “You probably should’ve rinsed your mouth though, I can taste your toothpaste.”

A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest, “Sorry, just got caught up in the moment.”

Chris kept you secured in his arms as he continued to stare down at you. There was something different about him, specifically the way his gaze was directed at you. Though you were not complaining.

“How about we bring back date night? I can cook and we can finally sit and talk to one another like we used to.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest at his pleas. It had been a while since you two sat down and basked in each other’s presence. The thought had you hopeful that things could go back to normal.

“I would love that,” you began, “How about Friday? I have a test for a few of my classes this week so we can do it once I’m all free.”

Chris smiled down at you with eyes evident of his admiration for you, “Friday is perfect.”

The rest of the week went on rather differently than previous ones. Your touches came back to his body, fingertips grazing alongside him whenever he was close. Chris would regularly kiss your cheek or top of your shoulder anytime he had the chance.

You did take notice of him on his phone a lot, part of it filled you with uneasiness but the rational part of your brain told you it wasn’t something to ponder too much over, so you let it go.

Chris had been spending the entire week making sure that his plan was rolling smoothly. He had the entire date night planned to a T. He informed his family about it, who were ecstatic for him, making his own mother tear up due to how happy she was. He made sure to have everything ready at the house so that everything would be successful.

The day of the planned affair, you were stuck in your home office grading the last set of tests before being able to officially clock out for the evening. Inputting the grades into Blackboard, you were brought out of focus due to the sounds of buzzing from your phone. Picking up the device, you unlocked it and saw the incoming text from your boyfriend.

Chris: Baby, I know you’re still probably finishing up, but dinner will be ready at my place at around 7. I put something on your bed for you to wear. See you soon!

The endearing message made you smile and also feel a bit elated. You missed the intimate moments shared between you and Chris. The loving looks sent your way, the delicious food and engaging conversations. But most importantly, you missed the sex. Before, the two of you were like jackrabbits, the longest you both went without getting hot and heavy was about 2 days. Now going on over two months, you were becoming insatiable.

Quickly inputting the final test scores in your online grade book, you got ready for your night in with Chris. Heading up the stairs, you walked into your room to be hit with a bit of nostalgia. Laying on the bed was the same black dress that you wore on your first date with him.

With the amount of dresses you had in your wardrobe, it was a shock that he was able to find the specific one you wore that night. The sentiment warmed your heart and filled you with hope.

Rushing to get ready, you went and got dressed, making sure that you appeared your best before heading out.

It was only a quick drive to his home, before you were sat in his driveway.

Your mind was plagued with worry. You feared that if this night didn’t go well, then it would ultimately mean the end of your relationship with the man. Taking in a deep breath, you calmed your nerves before exiting the vehicle and made the trek towards his front door.

Using the house key you still had attached to your own ring set, you unlocked the door and walked in though you didn’t get far when the sight before you made you stop and gasp.

Starting from the front door laid a trail of rose petals leading you through the house. The thoughtful effort made tears begin to form in your eyes and your breath unsteady.

Following the trail, the same smells of vegetables sautéing brought you back to that time over a year ago.

Once you made it inside the kitchen, you saw Chris with an apron adorning his massive frame on top of his suit. Once he took notice of your arrival he turned around and smiled at you. “There you are sweetheart. I was waiting for you to show.”

He turned down the fire before gliding towards you, about to reach down and kiss you when you beat him to it.

Grabbing a hold of either side of his face, you slammed your lips to his; the action surprising you both. You delivered him repeated pecks which caused the brunette to laugh between every one of your kisses.

Getting enough of your intimate fill, you pulled away from him and looked up. “What’s the special occasion? I mean I know it’s date night, but still.”

Chris brought his hands down to rest on the dip of your back before pulling you in closer to him. The action caused your neck to crane up to look directly into his eyes.

“I wanted to make things right with my best girl.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at the slight Captain America reference before delivering another kiss, “Thank you, I love it.”

The meal went according to plan, the two of you enjoying the same shrimp scampi dish he made on your first date together.

You were sipping on your glass of wine when you heard Chris speak up.

“Though I’ve said it more times than either of us can count, I need you to know how regretful I am of how I acted.”

You sighed at his words, “Chris, I said it’s-”

“No, it’s not okay (Y/N),” he interrupted you, “It wasn’t okay for me to lash out at you. It wasn’t okay for me to hurt your feelings.”

“Tonight, I tried to recreate our first date together to show you just how much you mean to me.”

Chris had rehearsed what he was planning on saying for the past few days, but here now in this moment he couldn’t remember a single prepared line. So he just decided to follow his heart.

“(Y/N). The day I met you, it was one of the greatest days of my life. It wasn’t supposed to happen, but fate brought us together- well I guess I should say Ma did with her insisting.”

His words caused you to chuckle, “I can see where you got your determination. She really didn’t quit until she finally got us in the same room.”

The memory of Lisa bringing you two together that afternoon warmed both of your hearts.

“That day we met was the day I knew that there was no one else in the world that would matter to me as much as you would. Every single day that I get the pleasure of seeing that look on your face will forever make me the luckiest man on the Earth. So when I hurled those words at you and took that smile away, it made me feel horrendous.”

You didn’t even realize you had started crying until you felt the warmth of your tears sliding down your cheeks.

Chris reached across the table and curled his fingers around your hand, slightly stroking the back of it with his thumb.

“I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend that I could be. I realized that my own fears of commitment caused me to take out my frustrations out on you, and absentmindedly pushed you away. But I realized that pushing you away was the last thing I ever wanted to happen.”

He felt his heart rate race and his organ beat heavily in his chest, his anxiety slowly rising.

“You are the greatest thing to happen to me. You make the worst days seem minuscule whenever you’re around. I love the way you’re able to always help push me through any obstacle I face, no matter how big or small it may be. The way you easily get along with my crazy family. And I love how you make me feel like I am floating on cloud nine anytime I kiss you.”

Chris felt his hands begin to sweat. One of his hands clasped onto yours, while the other held onto the small box in his left pocket of his slacks.

“A few days ago I had a session with my therapist about you. And during it I realized how much I care about you, and how losing you, even though it was brief, was the worst thing I had ever experienced.”

Slowly standing up on shaky legs, he brought you up with him.

“I had to secretly figure out the right size while you were sleeping the other night,” he began to joke, “You don’t know how hard it was to get the measurement done considering how light of a sleeper you are.”

You felt your heart pound in your chest. You suspected that something was different about his behavior and this evening, and your suspicions were slowly coming to light.

“I can’t ever experience the feeling of not having you by my side again. Waking up to a cold bed and not seeing the way your nose would sometimes crunch up while you're deep in a dream is something I never want to go through again.”

Chris reached into his pocket of his pants and pulled out a cherry red box. The sight of the gold inscription labeling 'Cartier' made your breath catch in your throat and tears fall freely down your face.

The height difference was changed when he steadily dropped down on his left knee, his tear filled blue eyes looking up at you.

“(Y/N), you make me the happiest man in the world. And I know it’s a stereotypical line for me to say, but it’s true. I love how you’re able to bring the best out of me and everyone around you. I love how you love everyone unconditionally. God, I love how fucking breathtaking you are. I am in love with everything about you.”

Letting go of your hand, he held the box in his grasp before cracking it open. The action caused your hands to cover your mouth and you to bend at the knees. With the aid of the lights around the room, it unveiled to you a marquise cut diamond. One either side were two stones. On the left was a pearl, indicating his June birthstone. The other side showed your gemstone, the rocks pairing perfectly with one another.

“So,” Chris began with a shaky breath, “(Y/N) (Y/L/N), will you do me the honor and make me the luckiest person in the world. Will you marry me?”

Your body shook with sobs as you nodded along to his question.

“Wait, are you saying yes?” Chris asked, excitement evident in his tone. “I don’t know if that’s you nodding yes or no.”

Removing your hands from your face you grasped on to your now fiancé’s, “Yes, I would love to marry you.”

Chris didn’t even get the chance to put the ring on you before raising up and slamming his lips against yours. Both of you tasting the salty tears that expelled from the other.

It was his turn to lay a continuous stream of kisses to your lips. Soft chants of ‘thank you’ leaving his mouth between every one.

Pulling away, he retrieved the ring from its box as you held up your left hand. You watched as he slid the band down your finger until it situated perfectly against the base. A content sigh left the both of you.

Chris brought your hand up and kissed the back of it and then your ring finger before locking eyes with you.

You two stayed like that for a while, your gaze flicking back and forth between each other’s lips until finally you two connected them.

This time, the embrace was intimate, more passion filled. Your hands folded against the nape of his neck, the coolness of the gold band making him smile with contentment.

With his hands holding onto your hips, he guided you back until you were met with resistance from the wall behind you; the sudden force causing you to lightly grunt into his mouth.

Lowering his hands until his palms rested on the back of your thighs, he tapped on your skin, an unspoken request for you to jump. While securing your hold on his neck, you jumped up and rested in his palms. With you in his hands, Chris began to walk the two of you towards his bedroom. Since Dodger was staying at his mom's house, he didn’t bother closing the door, not worrying about any sudden intrusion.

Your mouth was still attached to Chris when he laid you down, you head against the soft pillow on the plush bed. His frame towering over you as he shook off the suit jacket from his body, kicked off his shoes and toed his socks away.

“I love you so much (Y/N),” he swooned through kisses.

“I love you too Chris.”

Untying the front of your wrap dress, the silk material fell to the sides of your body, revealing your figure which was only covered by a thin, lace pair of underwear. The sight of your half naked self made him growl down at you in desire.

Removing his lips from yours, he descended down your body, leaving kisses in his wake.

“You’re all mine.”

His lips kissed around your taut nipple, his tongue poking out to flick at your pert bud.

“Forever and always.”

You felt him leaving traces of wetness from open-mouth kisses on your abdomen.

“The love of my life.”

His fingers dug into the sides of your thong before dragging it down your legs.

“My beautiful fiancé.”

You breathing hitched as you felt his warm breath fan across your exposed cunt. The hot air was a stark contrast to the cool slick of your dripping wetness.

“The future Mrs. Evans.”

And with that, Chris flattened out his tongue before running a long stripe up your pussy, lapping up your wetness until he curled it around your clit. “Oh fuck, Chris.”

How exhausting the sexual hiatus that you experienced with the brunette was evident due to how you were squirming on the bed. Your hands spread throughout the sheets, gripping and tugging in an effort to gain some form of steadiness. Over two months without having him on you had you mewling into the air. “Please baby, don’t stop.”

With his tongue occupied, Chris continued to devour you. His tongue alternated between long drags and quick flicks between your folds. You felt the tip of his tongue prod at your opening in a desperate attempt to taste more of you- to feel more of you.

Removing his mouth, he heard you begin to groan in disappointment before it turned into a moan when he spat on your cunt then suctioned his lips around your clit. With one hand holding your stomach down, he used the other to enter your soaking hole with his index and middle fingers.

Chris was gentle with his digits inside of you, dragging his pads alongside your ways, stroking your contracting walls and feeling every ridge. Once he was knuckle deep, he scissored your cunt, basking in the sounds of your squelching around his fingers paired with your content moans of relief.

He replaced his mouth with his thumb, using the limb to draw slow, tortuous circles on your mound as he watched you fall into the deep recesses of ecstasy.

He observed your neck stretch back, exposing a slightly bulging vein running up the expanse. The way your lips quivered as your moans flew freely out. Your legs began to shake when he hit the spot he was all too familiar with deep in your core.

“Look at me,” Chris demanded, his Boston accent evident in his request, “Need’a watch my pretty girl cum all over my fingers.”

The eye contact with the brunette was intense, more fierce than ever experienced before, but you reveled in every second of it. You noticed how his pupils had become blown out, only showing a small ring of blue surrounding the black.

You tried to keep the gaze locked until you felt your orgasm come full force through your body like a tidal wave. “Christopher!”

Upon hearing your screech of desire and feeling your essence begin to soak his digits, he replaced his thumb back with his mouth, longing to taste every single drop of your sweetness. His fingers continued to pump inside of you, prolonging your release and causing more of your juices to flow into and around his mouth.

Chris finally removed his fingers to drink more of you until you attempted to feebly push his head away, the orgasm causing you to lose most of your strength.

“Sorry princess, you know Daddy just can't get enough of you,” Chris moaned as he licked your essence off his lips.

He rose up your lower half and hovered over you staring down at your exhausted self. You mustered the power to raise your arms and grasp his face in your hands before bringing him down to connect lips once more.

The kisses were lecherous, the both of you yearning to taste every single part of the other. Your tongue was firm against his as he massaged yours while you swallowed each other's moans.

Your body felt on fire with the way his large hands were massaging and caressing every inch of your exposed skin. His fingers digging into your softness and pulling you flush against his frame.

Taking your hands away from his face, you began to unbutton his dress shirt, peeling away the material until it unveiled his tattooed chest. Your fingers tracing the large design on his chest before making its way down to his belt, unbuckling it in the process.

Dragging the leather through the loops and away from his body, you unzipped his trousers before reaching in to palm his obvious erection. The action made the man above you keen against your tongue. “I wanna taste you Chris.”

With your thighs around his hips, you nudged him until your positions were switched. His head against the same pillow, he watched as you tugged down the material on his lower half, leaving the two of you completely bare for one another.

You laid down on your stomach between his legs before grabbing hold onto the base of his cock, drawing a hiss from Chris.

His head craned back at the feel of your wet mouth tonguing his length, the wet muscle licking a stripe from the base to his tip. “Ohh- that's it baby.”

You collected your spit before it dripped from your mouth and on his head, the liquid cascading down the massive length. Using it for your advantage, you began to stroke him while attaching your lips around his tip. Your tongue flicked his slit while drinking up his precum.

“God, I love you so much (Y/N).”

Removing one of your hands, you began to swallow his length, stroking off what you couldn’t take down. His moans and groans only stir you on as you bask in the feel of him throbbing in your mouth. With your free hand, you began to palm at his balls; the action making him grip the sheets as well as tenderly holding the side of your head.

His mouth was parted, showing only his tongue, as he panted out. “That’s it baby, such a good girl for me.”

Chris felt his peak slowly approaching, the buildup steadily growing with every swipe of your tongue, suction from your lips and tug at his balls. Though he would’ve loved to release down your throat and watch your mouth milk his balls, he wanted- needed to feel your warmth surrounding him as he coated your walls.

He went to unlatch you from his cock and raise you towards him. “I need to feel you,” he breathed out, “I miss the feel of you around me (Y/N).”

You crawled up his body til you were straddling his hips. Reaching down, you pumped his length a few times before positioning it for entry. The second you began the descent and his head met the resistance from your cunt, you both groaned out.

Chris couldn’t wait any longer so he brought his hands to your hips and fully sank you down on him, sheathing his entire cock inside of you. The action made you lurch forward with your hands planting themselves on his chest in search of stability.

“Oh that’s it princess,” professed Chris, “Missed this tight fucking cunt choking my cock. Missed you so goddamn much.”

With the help of his hands on your hips, you began to slowly work yourself on his dick. Every rise and fall of your hips made you experience the delectable feel of his veined shaft drag against your channel.

“Oh Christopher,” you cooed as you felt him throb inside of you.

“That’s it princess, I’m right here.”

You brought your hands from off of him and covered his large ones. Removing them from your body, you intertwined digits. The new position of your hands allowed the newly added engagement ring to gleam under the light.

If he had a camera, he would’ve wanted to capture the beauty of you in that moment. Every buck of your hips caused your breasts to bounce, the action enticing him even more than already. The sweat that began to form on your body caused your body to shine from the bedroom lights, making your body appear as if it were glowing.

He wanted to frame the glorious sight of you, but he decided to settle with the fact of knowing he would be able to recreate this exact moment for the rest of his life. Recreate with you as husband and wife.

He rose up from the mattress and maneuvered your legs to wrap around his waist before sitting on his haunches. The new position of your naked chest pressed up against his own while he fucked you on his cock was a sort of intimacy that couldn’t be explained.

The closeness of your faces allowed you to feel each other’s breaths warm your features. You could see pupils being blown, feel the sweat dripping off one another, and hear every single sound that escaped the other's mouth.

Attaching his lips to yours, Chris moaned into your mouth. “That’s it baby, cream all around my cock. Milk me til I fill you up with my cum.”

The heels of your feet dug into his lower back and your fingertips gripped onto his neck, leaving scratches in its wake.

You knew for certain that you would have bruises on your waist with the way he had latched onto you, raising you up and down his length.

With every thrust, your sweaty skin slapped together as his balls spanked up against your ass.

“Ahh baby, I- fuck Chris I’m almost there.”

“I know (Y/N), I’m right behind you.”

A few more harsh thrusts as his tip slammed against your g-spot and you were suddenly slammed into the blissful abyss of your orgasm. The tightness of your contracting walls caused Chris to achieve his own release. The shouting sounds of you two reaching your respective peaks echoed throughout the room.

Warmth flooded your body and your cunt as you felt Chris’s cock shoot ribbons of his seed deep into you. He continued to drag you along his length, hoping to prolong the glorious feeling of your pussy throbbing around him.

After the sensation of your peak began to wane, he fell back against the mattress, bringing you down with him.

The two of you laid there in each other’s arms, basking in the warmth radiating off the other.

Chris strokes your back, long traces of his thumb running along your spine as you both regain your breath.

“I’m in love with you (Y/N). So goddamn much.”

Still a little too spent, you nodded while your hands toyed around with his chest.

While you two sat there, a realization popped into the brunette's head, making him begin to stand up. “I’ll be right back.”

You watched his ass jiggle with every step out of the room, the sight making you chuckle. When he returned, he held his phone in his hand.

“Seriously Christopher, you wanna make a sex tape right now?”

A boisterous laughter left him at your assumption, “No sweetheart, not that.”

Chris sat back next to you on the bed as he scrolled through his phone gallery. After a few flicks on his thumb, he finally found the photo that you two took on your first date. You were as beautiful as ever, smiling at the camera as he looked in awe at you.

You watched as he loaded up Instagram and clicked on the plus sign to create a new post. “Chris, what are you doing?”

“Something I should’ve done a long time ago.”

Choosing the desired photo, he went to begin typing out his caption that would unveil you to the world.

chrisevans: A little over a year ago this photo was taken on our first date. I knew from that moment that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, that’s why I eagerly asked you to be mine. (Y/N) you make me the happiest man that I could be. I know this past year and a half has been a tough one, especially with everyone in the world claiming that they were dating me while I kept you in the shadows, but enough is enough. There’s no one else that I would rather be with. There’s no one in this entire world that holds a candle to you. To your beauty, your kindness, your everything. You are the love of my life. As of tonight, my fiancé. And soon to be my wife. I love you more than words can describe princess. (Y/@/N)

Chris finished typing out his message before looking down at you, silently asking for approval. He watched as your index finger raised up and clicked on the share button, indicating the end of your secrecy.

A dopey smile made his face before he looked at you, phone in hand, “Now, about that sex tape.”

You laughed at his joke as he made his way to kiss you once more. The embrace was full of contentment due to knowing that things were back to normal with a growing relationship full of unwavering love, reinstated trust, and pure happiness.

A/N: and that's a wrap folks. thank you to everyone who read this series.

also i would like to say that this is in no way an indication of chris evans personality or character. this is just fiction.

if you enjoyed this, please make sure to reblog and comment. feedback is much appreciated !

* divider credits : @firefly-graphics *

[amistytown]

The Brothers Comfort a Bullied MC

I started writing this thinking it would be something short and sweet I could finish in a day, and then it turned into this. MC remains gender neutral, and I currently don’t write for the dateables, but when I do I could always write a part II if people are interested. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it, anon, and thank you for the request! As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors that may have gone unnoticed. Trigger warning for mentions of blood, violence, and physical and emotional bullying. Thank you to those who take the time to read my work; it’s greatly appreciated!

LUCIFER

Immediately notices you’re quieter than usual, face sullen and void of the beautiful smile Lucifer has grown accustomed to. He’s determined to figure out what’s troubling you, undeniably concerned for your wellbeing; you’re the exchange student, though, more importantly, you’re his human, and your happiness is his own. That night he calls you to his study, always willing to make time in his busy schedule to accommodate you, especially when his human is in need. Your eyes are dark and swollen, and your head is bowed as you enter; you look exceptionally fragile, his heart aching at the sight. Behind closed doors he doesn’t hesitate to pull you into his embrace, pressing a light kiss to your forehead while he runs his fingers through your hair; he can feel you relax against him, hands twisting in his shirt as you bury your face in his chest.

Bursting into tears, you cry in his arms, and he holds you close, gaze soft as he consoles you, gently rubbing your back and whispering words of comfort. You’re his priority, his pride and joy, and he won’t rest until he knows you’re okay, wanting to soothe your aching heart. Flames dance in the fireplace, casting the room in their golden glow and emanating a heat that dries your tears and warms you both body and soul. Lucifer cradles you to him in one of the chairs situated before the hearth, watching over you as you curl up in his lap. Patiently he waits for you to speak what’s on your mind, unburdening yourself of your worries, his anger quiet and cold once he learns of the demons tormenting you. They are foolish to bully the one he loves, and to do so on school grounds; they will certainly be punished for their crimes—he will see to it personally.

Lucifer reassures you will no longer endure such harassment, encouraging you to confide in him; there’s little you can do or say to bother the Avatar of Pride, and he wants to help when able, providing his undying support. Your mood lifts significantly, and his heart swells as you cup his cheeks to draw him into a kiss, your lips smiling against his and sweetening the moment. He won’t allow you to leave his side the remainder of the night, and you’re eager to remain in his company, lounging in his study while you wait for him to finish his work. Though his focus is elsewhere, and he decides to turn in early, carrying you to his room where he tucks you in, hugging you to him beneath the blankets. The next morning, he excuses you from your duties, ordering a day of rest and relaxation; you deserve it, after all.

MAMMON

The Avatar of Greed is attending class when he overhears a low-level demon taunting you, throwing insult after insult while you try to focus on your studies; though the longer you ignore them, the more they push back, your face falling as their words leave their mark on your heart. Mammon’s blood is boiling, and he’s out of his seat, towering over the demon in an instant, a hand wrapped around their throat. Lucifer intervenes, putting an end to the chaos, but Mammon is unapologetic, his elder brother’s lecturing doing little to quell the fire still raging beneath the surface. He’s your protector, and he won’t hesitate to defend you—the consequences be damned.

To say he’s worried about you is an understatement, he refuses to leave your side, determined to protect you at all costs. A lowly demon is harassing you? The Great Mammon will deal with them personally, and once he’s finished, they won’t think twice about hurting his human. He loves you, although it’s difficult for him to admit at times, but you’re his world, and he hates to see you upset. Words do hurt, he knows all too well, so he’ll show you how loved you are by holding your hand and pulling you into his warm embrace, allowing you to cry on his shoulder—anything for you. Your tears wet his jacket, body shaking as you sob, finally breaking down from days of bullying. He wishes he noticed sooner, but he’s here now and will take care of you.

As soon as school is over for the day, he’ll make certain you’re comfortable and help you unwind in the peace and quiet of your room; tell him what you want and it’s yours, no questions asked. He’ll order your favorite food, which you enjoy while watching a movie, finding solace in one another’s presence. When you smile for the first time that day he’s elated, appreciating how beautiful you are—heart, body, and soul—if anyone deserves happiness, it’s you. His arms encircle your waist, drawing you close, and you kiss his cheek in thanks before resting your head on his chest. The soft touch of your lips renders him speechless, his heart pounding as he breathes in your scent, sweet and heavenly. Once he composes himself, he returns the kiss with fervor, promising to always protect you.

LEVIATHAN

The downside to attending class online is he can’t see you throughout the day. After school he makes sure the two of you have plans, whether it’s playing videos games, watching anime, or simply enjoying each other’s company. He’s devastated when you cancel on him, but more concerned you’re feeling unwell; humans are fragile creatures, and he needs to take care of his Henry. Of course, those self-deprecating thoughts linger at the back of his mind, telling him you cancelled on purpose—who wants to waste their time on a gross otaku like him? However, he collects himself, dismissing them for your sake, and knocks on your bedroom door with trembling hands.

Light cascades from your room into the hall, his eyes widening when they meet yours, your gaze glassy and cheeks stained by your tears. For a moment he wonders if he is to blame, trying to recall everything he said and did since breakfast, to find an answer, only to confuse himself further. Yet you smile at him, anchoring him to reality, and he hates how it fails to reach your eyes. He can’t help enveloping you in his arms, forgetting how to breathe now that you’re so close, and he’s certain his heart is about to break as you begin to sob into his chest, clinging to him in desperation. Your cries hurt him dearly, and he wants to cry himself seeing you upset, but refrains, staying by your side to offer what support he can give.

In the privacy of his room, he’s extra attentive, hesitant but soft touches and worried glances in your direction while he wraps you up in his blankets, even allowing you to hold his Ruri-chan pillow for comfort. The tub is snug with the both of you inside, his face red and burning, though he’s glad you look much happier, safe and warm in his embrace. He puts on a lighthearted anime hoping it’ll lift your spirits further, the laugh that escapes you music to his ears. The episode ends, and you finally tell him the cause of your pain, opening your heart to him, his hold tightening when tears gather in your eyes once again. His insecurities are now forgotten, replaced by a wave of anger that consumes him, and he fights to keep his demonic aura at bay. A lowly demon dares to hurt you? He’ll make them rue the day they decided to torment his player 2. Until then he’ll let you know exactly how special you are, indulging you the rest of the night.

SATAN

Satan is browsing the books in the RAD library when the comfortable silence is unceremoniously shattered, dissolving into chaos in a matter of seconds. Angry shouts reverberate off the walls, forcing their way beneath his skin—warm, uncomfortable, yet addicting—setting him alight. He can feel the intensity of every word, his heart pounding, pulsing in his ears with each syllable, the Avatar of Wrath unable to deny he appreciates the beauty of the heated exchange unfolding before him. Although he considers himself a demon of knowledge, making a name for himself in the Devildom for his intellect and held to high standards, he’s not impervious to his sin. He’s irritated, his concentration lost, but a part of him enjoys the pandemonium, wanting to tempt them further into madness. A scream interrupts his thoughts, a pitiful sound, and his blood runs cold. He knows you, your voice, and to hear you cry out is enough to break his resolve.

A hand firmly closes around your throat, blood welling beneath clawed fingers, as you’re forced into a corner. The panic in your eyes fills him with an uncontrollable rage, and he yearns to rip the heart from the demon who threatens you, the very person he holds dear to his own. Wrath overpowers all rationale, and he doesn’t mind, your life greater than the image he’s meticulously cultivated over centuries. He lunges at the demon without warning, grip bruising as he wrenches them away and drives them into the nearest bookshelf, watching it topple over in a cloud of dust and debris. An eerie hush falls over the library, curious gazes on the fourth born, but he’s indifferent, dragging the wretched creature from the wreckage; a grin spreading across his face at their desperate pleas—they only fuel the fire raging within. However, their life is spared due to Lucifer’s interference; Satan’s sure he’s instilled enough fear in the demon’s mind to last an eternity.

The resulting lecture from Lucifer leaves Satan with a headache. He’s unrepentant, his wrath reduced to an ember, but it still smolders, hot and heavy in his chest. When he enters the House of Lamentation, he finds you waiting to throw your arms around him, and despite his anger, he melts against you, calmed by your presence—so sweet and inviting he could lose himself in your very embrace. You’re his saving grace, and he’ll protect you as fiercely as he loves you, hating to see you scared and vulnerable, especially at the mercy of another. Even now he can see the remnants of fear and taste the salt of your tears as he kisses your cheek, fingers ghosting over the dark bruises on your neck. There’s a twinge of anger, but also dread knowing another hurt you and how quickly they could have taken you from him. The familiar smell of books is soothing, the large stacks scattered about his room bathed in moonlight. You’re curled up in his bed, listening to him read aloud with your head on his shoulder, his free hand stroking idly through your hair. At that moment, you look content, smiling at him, and he can’t help leaning over to capture your lips in a kiss, glad he can bring you comfort during the darkest of nights.

ASMODEUS

After school, Asmodeus sees the exhaustion in your eyes and the lack of color in your face, your natural glow seeming to fade throughout the day. Avoiding his gaze, you wilt in his arms when he pulls you into his embrace, his heart aching with desire when you are resistant to his charms. You don’t look at him in adoration or hug him back as tightly, basking in his beauty and praising him while he kisses your loving smile from your lips. Instead, you stare at the ground, body tensing when he cups your cheek, and although you lean into his touch, tears spring forth, hot beneath his fingertips. He can hardly stomach seeing you so distraught, his darling human, helplessly watching you fall to pieces in front of him.

The halls are silent aside from your sobs as you cry into his shoulder, arms wrapped around his neck while he carries you up the stairs to his room, whispering words of love and comfort in the hope they’ll soothe the pain that bleeds to the very depths of your soul. He’s grateful you allow him to hold and console you, trusting him to care for you in a moment of vulnerability, clinging to him without fear and seeking out all he’s able to offer. Your tears stain his blouse, and his makeup is mussed, yet he pays no mind, rocking and hushing you until you’re unable to shed another, chest heaving with each strangled breath that escapes you. Placing a tender kiss on your forehead, he hums sweetly, angelic voice lulling you to sleep. He watches over you after tucking you into his bed, affectionately stroking your face. For now, you rest your weary head, and once you awake, he’ll figure out what’s troubling his poor human, hoping he can put your mind at ease.

Dinner is your responsibility tonight, but Asmodeus doesn’t dare wake you, stepping in on your behalf. His brothers are well fed, and he makes sure to prepare an extravagant meal for his love, happy to serve you in the comfort of his bed. In fact, he feeds you himself, and you laugh as he cheerily extends a spoonful in your direction, blessing him with your beautiful smile for the first time that day. Beneath the silken sheets, he lays beside you, and you curl around him, glancing at him shyly before thanking him with a light but sweet kiss he savors long after you’ve parted. Yet you still look pained, and he encourages you to confide in him, cradling your head to his chest. Your voice is strained, barely above a whisper, but he hears every word, blinking tears from his own eyes. How long did you endure such harassment at the hands of those demons—on RAD grounds no less—suffering all on your lonesome. He’s appalled, wishing he could have protected you and sad he could not, however, he’ll make it up to you; anyone who hurts you is better off dead anyway. From here on out, he’ll take greater care of his human, keeping you safe in his arms.

BEELZEBUB

Finally, lunchtime! Beelzebub is weighing his options as he makes a beeline for the cafeteria, the rumble of his stomach echoing loudly in the halls. Though all thoughts of food vanish when he turns the corner to find you on the ground, a group of low-level demons looming over your trembling form. They flee the second they notice the Avatar of Gluttony, reeking of fear. He considers following them, goaded by his anger, which rages within, hot and intense, pulling a feral growl from his throat. However, the sound of your cries reaches his ears, a somber melody that brings him to his knees. He kneels beside you, brows knit in concern, and gently wipes your tears away before catching you as you throw yourself into his embrace. The rest of the world no longer matters, only his human while he holds you in the now empty corridor, heart unbearably heavy.

Carefully, he lifts you off the floor into his arms, mindful of his strength as his holds you, your body feeling soft and warm and awfully fragile under his touch. Yet you lean against him, sighing into his shoulder and seeking comfort from him—a large, scary demon, one of the most powerful in the Devildom. He’s glad he’s able to protect you, but there are times he worries you’ll look at him differently, your eyes wide with worry like the demons’ who ran at the mere sight of him. Your gaze is loving, and you snuggle closer, thanking him; he feels a little lighter knowing you’re safe, and that you trust him to take care of you. The palms of your hands are scraped, blood drying to your skin—a reminder of what those demons did to you—and he presses a kiss to your fingers, vowing to teach them a lesson they surely won’t forget.

The emptiness of his stomach is agonizing, a pain that runs deep, but he desperately wants to stay with you, comforting his sweet human who needs him now more than ever. He’ll gladly miss lunch for you, putting you above his sin despite the influence it holds over him, and tending to your injuries. The school day passes by slowly, however, he keeps a watchful eye on you, your smile filling him with a happiness that helps him through the last of his classes. Afterwards, he offers to bring you to your favorite bakery; food always manages to cheer him up, and he thinks you deserve a treat. On the way home with bags of decadent desserts and pastries, he hums, reaching for your hand, which fits so perfectly in his own. Again, you smile at him, and he’s glad he’s found a place by your side, brightening your day and you his.

BELPHEGOR

The Avatar of Sloth awakes from a dreamless sleep, hating how cold and empty his bed feels without you beside him. In a daze, he wanders into the hall—pillow in hand—the thought of holding you tightly against him, soaking up your warmth, tempting him down the stairs. Most nights he finds himself sneaking into your room and slipping into your bed, your body seeking his out in the darkness and welcoming him into your embrace. He’s thankful you’ve allowed him into your heart, Belphegor cherishing the intimacy between you, a love he once considered a mere fantasy. Though he pauses outside your door with bated breath, listening to the melancholy rise and fall of the cries echoing in the corridor—your cries. 

Throwing the door open, he peers into the darkness to find you huddled beneath your blankets, eyes wet with tears as you glance up at him, clearly startled. Adrenaline rushes through his veins, hands shaking, and he swallows against the panic, slightly reassured you’re safe in bed, but the miserable look on your face is more than he can bear. You whisper his name, voice rough and shaky, your pain tangible. The mattress dips beneath him, and he pulls you into his lap, cradling you to him. His gentle gaze sweeps over you—his human who deserves all the love in the three realms—and he kisses your tears away, wishing to free you of your burdens. Sleep can wait. You’re far too precious to him, and he’ll do anything to see you smile again, helping you piece your heart back together even if it takes the rest of the night.

Time is endless with you in his arms, your cries fading into quiet sobs as you lean into his touch, relaxing under the loving caress of his hand on your cheek. You regard him hesitantly, unspoken words on the tip of your tongue, and he’s nothing but encouraging as he kisses your forehead down to the tip of your nose, earning him a small yet beautiful smile that vanishes all too soon. Belphegor is eerily quiet while he listens to you, sad you felt the need to keep this a secret—alone with your worries—angry at himself for not noticing sooner, and livid at the demons who foolishly hurt you, instilling you with such fear you dreaded school each morning; they’ll regret laying a finger on his human, and he knows he’ll enjoy their agonized screams when he gets his hands on them. Until then, he promises to love and protect you, watching over you as you fall into a peaceful sleep at his side.

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